Page 7 - Ep. 402: Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Missing Ass

Episode Date: May 13, 2021

This week we goss bout the elusive Bennifer, the Golden Globes controversy and Hulu’s new series, ‘Pam & Tommy’. And in celebrity conspiracy corner, meta-conspiracy; The psychological destruction of Holden McNeely!?Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Somebody's been studying rent for a week What's the time? Well, it's gotta be close to midnight My body's talking to me It says time for danger Come on, Holden 500,000-600 menis Nets

We continue with singing out tonight I'm singing Mimi's song This isn't the rent pop history I know But I cannot live in my house I'll be your shelter Just pay me back With 1,000 kisses

If you want to hear me sing all of rent Just go ahead next week Or a couple of weeks from now We're going to be releasing the rent poppistria I have to stop I'm going mad In sunsets In midnights in cups of coffee

In miles Laughter and strife Uh Measured in love I'm sorry, guys. I was watching it last night and I was crying because the more you learn about the making of it, the more you will cry watching it because when they did the whole, how do I lose my dignity,

will I lose my dignity part? And then knowing a real person said that at like the place that Jonathan Larson was volunteering to help people with AIDS, like actually stood up and said those words. And then you're like, and then Lexi was like, are you okay? because she's like musical theater person, right? So she's having a blast. She looks over me. I'm just like, tears.

She's like, are you all right? I was like, the guy said it. Anything. I'm so, what is, all right, Wizard of the Brewzer. It's like anime, it's whatever. I rarely have I shed a tear, right? It's all just goofy.

We're doing the goonies this week. It's whatever, right? Jackie, though, we've done steal back noise. We did, like, I've cried. Even 10 things I hate about you. I literally cried doing the research because of Heath Ledger and now Rent and I'm just like why it's so funny how like one show it's just like nerd shit whatever and then I start doing pop history with Jackie and Natalie and Jackie it is selections I'm literally just like

don't worry no Pride month is coming up soon so don't worry we're going to have lots of laughs pride months yeah it will be pride month we're going to cry through it every time hold talks about watching movies with Lexi and having Lexi look over and see him sobbing. I just love it because that's exactly me and Gideon's relationship also such that I even mentioned it in our wedding vows. Like we would be watching like Empire or something that's like not that deep and then I'd look over

and he'd just be sobbing because he'd be like, Dad's really trying to connect with the sons. You know, like you just never know when you're going to look over and he'll be sobbing. You never know what's going to click anymore. I think you get, maybe it's just, you know, men getting more comfortable with their emotions, but also I think someone mentioned kind of, it's got a new dad thing going when you just get weirdly emotional at like the smallest things. I think definitely

it's becoming more and more often now that this child is on the way and I'm thinking about friends lost and I'm thinking and family lost. I'm thinking about this new life and I don't know. It's all emotional. You make me start crying right now. I know. Jonathan Larson died. He died. We can't talk about rent. I'm sorry. I did it. I did it.

I can't stop. He loved too much and his heart exploded and that's how he died. He died. His heart exploded. His heart ripped in half because he loved too much. And he never got to see what he made become what he made. I'm sorry. And he didn't even.

He didn't have AIDS, my MJ. He didn't. He didn't have AIDS. No, he didn't have AIDS. No, he didn't have AIDS. His heart literally just ripped into half. Jesus Christ. Now I'm going to have to listen to every time.

This is. You know, I'm going to have to learn all about rent, too, even though I don't even do pop the streets. I was fucking. Dude, I read this Playbill article about all of that, and I was sobbing in the middle of the afternoon. Like, just tears just, oh, because the show must go on, MJ. It's the day, but today. The night after previews. No day but today.

And then it was opening night, and the show went on. And Edina was there, and Anthony Rap was there. Oh, my God. No, I can't do that. The parents flew in. Yeah, nope. No, thank you. Did you imagine that opening night?

And this is the best part of J. And I'm sorry to ruin this, but this is the best part. They were supposed to just do like a sit down singing and reading of it. And they couldn't help themselves during Laboem. They broke out into a dance number, even though they weren't supposed to. And then they did the rest of the show staged.

I can't. Yeah, I don't need to know this. I don't even. I haven't even started the third season of Pose because I'm not ready emotionally yet. I can't. I can't do this. I know how do you think I feel?

We're about to watch Eclipse for Twilight. We're going to watch it tonight. It's going to be such a... There's only one book left. What am I going to do with my fucking self? You know I have a hard time finishing things. I have also... I've still never seen the last episode of, I think,

trailer park boys, because that was too sad to finish it. Damn, dude, I went down such a weird. That was back when I was smoking cigarettes, and I remember, and I think it was during my weird unemployment time, but I'm trying to remember now. But I do remember just laying in my bed, in my bedroom, chain smoking cigarettes, watching every episode of trailer park boys back to back for like a week straight.

And it definitely changed me. It's the best. I think that is probably, if I were forced to make like a top five shows of all time, it's definitely in the top five. Maybe even in the top three. I love it. That show is so good. Wow.

You know, confession alert, haven't seen it. And I know that I will like it. I know I'll like it. You know I have a hard time watching comedy. I like to be sad. I live to be upset. I hate comedy. I don't like it.

I don't want to laugh. This is such, I think because the background is is so depressing and it's such a weird, it's like such a weird like not comedy in all these ways. I don't even know how to describe it because it hits these. It's definitely just so dark. that like the goofiness just kind of helps you get through how dark it is. I mean, it really is, it could very easily be just a very sad show if there was no comedy, right? Like, it's, if there was no.

Yeah, it doesn't ever reach for a joke. It's just like an extremely honest and respectful depiction of a trailer park in Canada. Set of characters. And I only said like Jackie like that because it is, I think, like exactly up your alley. It is so funny. I know it is. But it is so not like a regular comedy. And a young Elliot Page is there.

It's like I, oh my God. There are 13 seasons of it. That's insane. I've only seen like the first five, like the first regular batch. Yeah, I don't think I've gone past like five. Yeah, you don't need. It does, and it does definitely after a while it gets to a point where it's like you can kind of be done with it. I would say at one, because the very, the seasons.

kind of become, get very formulaic a little bit and kind of how they begin and where they go. But I think that those, especially those first like three to five seasons are money. And that first movie was pretty cool. Yeah, I think it's like there was five seasons and then a movie and then they like came back. And much like The Simpsons,

I just don't talk about what happens after season 10. I'm just like, that's a different show. And I don't know whether that's true with trailer park boys. It was just like the first unit of trailer park boys that was like perfection. Like I watched it and I was like, I've never seen a show like this. Like, it is just absolutely, I'm so excited.

It's one of those shows where it's like, I'm so excited for you that you get to see it because you are going to like it so much. I would bet a hundred dollars. Yeah. Well, especially because I'm watching like my fourth watch through of what we do in the shadows. I don't need to watch what we do in the shadows again. I just, you know, it's now it's my new, I got a new comfort food next to my 30 rock of shows that are just short comedies that I am down to. watch 100,000 times, but I should probably add in trailer park boys because, I mean, it keeps, you know, one of those shows when like, it just keeps coming back around with people being like,

you have to watch it. Why are you wasting your time? And I feel exactly the same way about below. Oh, my God. Bello. The most fabricated. Jennifer Lopez. Stooping in the mountains, can I have an invite?

They're in Montana. They're fucking like assholes. And I love it. Yeah, sure. Let them fuck each other and suck each other. I don't really. I guess they're back. I guess I wasn't really, you know.

Why don't you care enough? I was in whatever. I was in a self-imposed whatever jail back when Benifer was a thing when it came to pop culture. Yes. Whatever. Indeed. I was whatever about whatever, right? Back thing because I was way into like listening to hot jazz music, smoking cigarettes and playing

drinking wine out of the Carlo Rossi jug. Yeah, and snapping in unison while my, with my boys while we walked down the street. I hated it when you did that with your boys. I hate your boy fights. Forbidden love with the wrong army of other kids. Although I would say, MJ and Holden, I would love to watch y'all be snapping with your boys on the streets. I'll do an act. Now there's a bad story.

We've got the new west side story coming out. We dress up like dogs for cats. maybe we need to all get together and snap our way through the new unnecessary West Side Story. Yeah, weirdly like shot for shot recreation of West Side Story. I don't. I'm sorry. I don't need to go down that aisle right now. We'll start our own version of Quibi, right?

That's where it starts. And our launch video will be a full reenactment of West Side Story, but in our backyards, even though we can actually just leave our houses now. But we'll do it anyways and act like the paint. And the endemic just started. And at the beginning, we'll be like, we hear you, we see you, we're all in this together.

And then I'll sing a Beatles song, Blackbird singing in the dead old. No, you have to sing when you're a shock, a shock, a shock all the way. What is it? I forget the shark song. Now I'm just staring at pictures of Rita Moreno. Marino, who I, uh, can she be involved?

I bet we could get her over on Quibi. And that'll be the name, Sheby. There you go. I like it. We'll call it Sheibi. There you go. It'll be like quibby, but somehow better just trick an investor for me if you could. I don't know what to tell you.

That's my past time is tricking investors. Can't you see all of my money that goes into the building of banks? I wish. And is Binafer tricking us? Is this not a sham? Oh, ruse. I think it is. I mean, Bitt.

Are they going to redo Gile? Honestly, is this is Gilely? Please. Because make a sequel to Gile Every time I think about the fact that they met on the set, I mean that they fell in love on the set of Gilee. I get upset. I remember watching Gile with you guys virtually

over the beginning of the pandemic. I get upset about the premise. I blocked it out, bro. I don't think, I don't remember anything. It happens that fucking movie, bro. She was a lesbian. That's all I remember. She was.

I don't even remember that. She was. I don't remember any of it. And it was very early 2000s. He could turn her. Don't you remember? Remember? That's right.

And then she turned to Ben Affleck and went, take me, leave me. I win. We did a whole episode about it. Didn't we like an entire, we have a whole Katz episode. I think we have an entire Jealey episode. And I'm so upset about that.

And Katz has been burned into my brain. Like it was, I was in a dark room and I was a piece of Kodak camera film. But Jeely, Gile is gone, baby, gone. It is out of my brain. File. No fine. And it lives in all of us.

So that is the main question. Is it a lie? Is it a sham relationship? Most likely. I feel like we're going to wait and something's going to come out that, oh, they're working on something together. But at the same time, I hope they get a couple stumps in the mountains in there while they're at it.

Yeah. It's like maybe what is like a New York brand that J.Lo would rep? Because I was going to say maybe it's like a Starbucks. That's what it is. It's because she's Starbucks. I bet it's going to be a Starbucks Dunkin' Donuts cross campaign, right? Reaching across the aisle. We're going to start having joint Dunkin' Donuts Starbucks shops popping up all over America.

That is what this is all about. You got to bring it to the corporation. As they said in the film JFK by Oliver Stone, follow the money. And the money leads to Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks. Damn it. You need to sort out. You need to sort out who was associated with which coffee chain and why, though. Because Ben Ampley.

J-Lo, because of our podcast. Yes, that's your thing. And I would sit around and be like, you're right. Why would J-Lo be Starbucks just because we said she was Starbucks? Why would she be affiliated with them? And then, I don't know, maybe Pop Stars started stealing our brands and taking them and co-opting them. So I think anything's possible at this point. We are a bellwether.

That's true. We predict a lot of things. We've been ahead of... We were even ahead of this story. All my friends are texting me this week. Oh, you know about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez? And I'm like, do I know about it? Listen to the last week's page seven.

Yeah. So we, yeah. But he is, I like, I was like a live version of the kombucha meme when you were doing this because I was like, no, she's not Starbucks. But then I was like, ooh, a team up between Duncan and Starbucks would be kind of fun. But she's not, he is Dunkin' Donuts because he's always carrying around Dunkin' Donuts. Jailo has no affiliation with Starbucks except that you think she's kind of bland. And only you hold it.

We don't even think she's kind of bland. I'm just saying follow the money. That's all I have to say. I love what the media does, though, with relationships like this. Because A. Rod was like, did everyone see Arod's thinly veiled attack at Ben Affleck because of everything

that's going on? And what he said was, go Yankees as a tweet. But he used to be on. the Yankees. And Ben Affleck, and they're like, because Ben Affleck loves the Boston Red So he said Go Yankees to hunt Ben Affleck. The motherfucker was on the Yankees.

I think that he was just saying, go Yankees. That's definitely the first stop on that bus before we get to secretly trying to. The stretch, though, what a stretch. Well, I, the language of internet article writing, especially headlines that are like, Kim Kardashian destroys, you know. this other celebrity. And then you read it and she's like, she asked her,

she didn't say please when she asked for her coffee. You're like, that's not destroying anyways. It's all hyperbole. Honestly, that actually does go into the, the article that I sent about the Leonardo DiCaprio article that the New York Post had written.

The New York Post wrote, they were writing because DiCaprio is going to be in a new movie. And they said, Leonardo DiCaprio is unrecognizable in first photos of New Scorsese film. which is the new movie Killers of the Flower Moon, and it is a picture of definitely not unrecognizable Leonardo DiCaprio along with a woman at a table, and the memis that have come out of it

was that the only way that he's unrecognizable, quote, unquote, in this photo is if he's playing the woman, the bowl, or the salt shaker, because he just looks like him with makeup on, but I can't immediately, sorry, I didn't mean to immediately juke away from J-Lo. No, I love this. Yeah, this is amazing. Because I need, because don't worry, guys, they track down Matt Damon, and Matt Damon also supports their reunion, thank God.

Because I was like, but what does Matt Damon think? You know, Matt Damon, people say a lot of things, and I know they've said this about him before, but he's classy. And I liked how in the very beginning he was like, so funny. She reminds me of like a brother of mine. He's like, there's not enough liquor in the world that could get me to comment on that. Which is an especially pointed thing to say because this was on the Today Show with Hoda Kotby. And now it's Savannah Guthrie. It's not Kathy Lee Gifford anymore.

But in any case, we all know that they get wasted on that show. So I feel like that was an artful way of being like, you guys are extremely drunk. And I'm not going to do this. I can't do this. So funny, man. Yeah. But yes, it is nice that he said he loves them both and he hopes it is true. So that's nice.

Well, and she said, I mean, she was, I forgot with the exact quote, but she was like, leaving Affleck was like getting my fucking guts ripped out of me or something like that. You know what I mean? So maybe she did never really fully get over it and always kind of wanted. I wonder why they did break up. And I know that that's a creepy thing to say because I know that we should just leave them alone. But I did wonder why that they made, was it Gile?

I think on the outset, I think Gile bombing didn't help the constant shitty pressure they were getting from the press and the media. everywhere they went as this power couple, as this hot ticket item. I think sometimes you just get to a point where you're like, do we want to just keep fucking suffering this? Or should we actually just call it

and not deal with this and go date boring people? Even though they kind of didn't, I guess, with her with Arod. But he kind of dated a bunch of boros after that. Jennifer Garner. You calling her a Boro? How dare you? They're beautiful children.

I'm obsessed with Jennifer Garner. Yeah, but she's not like, it's not like, oh, the party's starting. Jennifer Garner. just got here. I agree with that. You know what I mean? That's all right. But Alius people would disagree. Some people think that

that Ben, Benerner was a better power couple. People were so into them, you know? Yeah, I could see it, but I'm just saying nobody's like, oh shit, hide the cocaine. Jennifer Garner just got here and I don't want her staying here till late in the morning. So maybe, you know, now she needs to be let loose.

What was it, alias? Was it alias? Aalius. And she was sliding around. on all being sexy cat. But this is the thing. I agree with you, Holden, because I, but this is where the Starbucks problem comes in,

because I don't think J-Lo is Starbucks. I think she's very, you know, not bland. And I think she's the hot icon of women in her 50s. And I do think that Jennifer Garner is boring. And I've always felt a little bit bad about that because I have friends who love alias and they're so into her.

And I'm like, she's as Anne is the nose on plane's face. She's real. She's down to Earth, MJ. I'm just saying if I were to give Jennifer Garner, if I were to issue her a party license, she would be given a librarian class C. I'm with you. No, not C.

I know. All librarians are sexy. You ask, you take off your monocle. And I go, oh, come on now. My mom is a retired librarian, and she listens to the show.

We will not be bashing librarians on this show. They know how to parties. I'm not saying, I'm not bashing librarians. I'm just saying, I don't know how. hard they go and I just feel, you know what I mean? That's all thing. Library scientists are here for us all to have eye candy at the library. Everybody knows that. Why else would I go to the library for the free Zumba classes? Yes, also the eye candy in betwixt the books. I apologize. I apologize

librarians. Please don't write in or do write in. If you're a party in librarian, I want you to write in page seven podcast at gmail.com, the number seven, page page page podcastgible.com. And tell me your party and librarian tale. Include all the citations. Because I need to hear it, apparently.

Because they're going to release. Yeah. And give me, yes, I want some citations in there as well, some footnotes. Wow. That's really what it is.

Sorry, then I lost myself in reading this article about their breakup. And that is exactly what J-Lo said. I forgot they broke up like a couple of weeks

before their wedding. Yeah, they were engaged. Right. Yeah, that's like a big, Big, you know, big. And Ben Affleck said in 2008, I think Jen and I made a mistake in that we fell in love. We were excited and maybe too accessible.

I don't think either of us anticipated a degree to which it would take on a world of its own. We didn't try to have a public relationship. We just happened to be together at the birth of the tabloids. And it was like, oh, my God. It was just a lot of pressure. I think different time, different thing. Who knows what could have happened. But there was genuine love there.

Now they're stooping in the mountains. And now they know how to handle, deal with the Papps, I feel like. Now they know what, how to kind of. They go to Montana. They gently throw their water at them. You know? Yeah, they throw the water at them. They hide in Montana.

Maybe they're, maybe they are disguising themselves in pieces of luggage to get from here to there to avoid, like, my T-Sway Bay. And yeah, so I, maybe this is actually like this incredible, I mean, all signs point to this is just whatever, right? But maybe this is some re-requited. How do you say it requited love? Unrequited. There it is.

It's re-requited though, right? It sounds like, now the requited. Rerequited. It sounds like maybe they were meant to be in. They were disrupted by the tabloids. And this is, I'm on the season of the crown where Diana has to deal with the tabloids. Oh my God, I can't wait to get there, MJ. I'm, I am blasting through season two with Lexi,

and we are excited to get to that season. The Princess I'm very excited. And something that we're not excited about anymore is the Golden Globes. Take it out of your brain, everybody, because NBC will not be playing it next year. We've got issues. Before we talk about the gloves,

can I just say something really quick? Please. She really put the dye in Princess Dye. How dare you? You are all whatever jail today. That is. Every second of it. I'm already mad about having to record rent with you because you're already in whatever jail.

I'm going to cry so hard. No, I'm going to be so unwhatever about rent now because it's all so fucking sad. I'm mad at you about it. I got him, MJ. I got him. And this is the worst thing about the crowd. I don't want to have any emotions about the royal family. And here I am.

shedding tears for them every night. It's terrible. Yeah, it's the worst. I don't want to like it. You got to list that old pop song, crying for the queen. That's the same sentiment. I'm so mad. I'm crying about the queen tonight.

I don't even know. Like, I wish, if I cared more, I would really go down why the royal family is so upset about what's being said. I mean, obviously, I can see why they're so upset. But I also don't feel like really. really, I feel like they're making them more real to people rather than like, yeah, but that's not what they want. I know.

They want them to be God. They want them to be, that's the opposite of what they want. They want them to look like they're from descendants of God. They're like heavenly creatures, essentially. So when they're like, oh, but also the Duke was a Nazi, which the episode I just saw, was like, uh-oh. And it's just such a good show because they don't rehabilitate them, right? They make them look like awful people, but the actors are so good that you're like,

it is an acting feat to simultaneously be like so compellingly portraying people who are actually like very boring and unappealing. It's like I love that it is such a fun show to watch, but you're not really rooting for them, but they're also not anti-heroes. It's like it's artful. They do not make them look great, but they do make them look more human. And I find myself unpleasantly emotional about, you know, Philip and things like that. Honestly, even you just saying that I could feel why so, I understand why so many people

don't like it, because like you said, it's like, you don't hate them. You're not rooting for them that it is kind of like describing it like that. It's like, oh, it's like watching, you know, a placid lake. And I'm not talking about Lake Placid with Betty White and the Gators. Fucking awesome movie. More just a placid lake of like, well, it's beautiful, but it kind of just. is, you know? But the crown is good.

It's so good. But like, I watched the first two seasons back to back and I was like, I need a break. Because I watched them in like five days. So it was just like, I'm good with the like, I need more. But now I'm ready because I need the princess die. And you need to get the Olivia

Coleman, man. It's all about that season. Oh, I love Olivia Coleman. So excited for that. Yeah, for sure. I love how. Yeah, she's so appealing. We're really just talking about Ritt and the crown so far for the most part. I tried to talk about the golden globes. I have a question about this.

This was in a blind item a while ago, right? I believe I brought this to y'all a while ago. This is like something that's been a long time coming. I really actually think that this is just a ploy for NBC to get them the globes off their back. And this is like a nice way for them to do that. What's your question, MJ? My question is I did read all of the things you sent, Jackie.

And I guess what I don't understand, obviously the Hollywood foreign press is a is racist, racist, racist. I wonder why, my question is, why the Golden Globes and not any of the other racism-riddled institutions like the Oscars, right? Like, what is the H-FPA done that is so much more egregious, aside from the fact that they were like, we're going to try to expand our ranks by 20% so that we can hire one black person? Like, obviously, it's very, very, very racist.

And I don't, in no way I'm trying to down. play that. I'm trying to say all of these award shows are institutionally structurally racist have always been, have been reinforcing racism. And so I'm wondering what is prompting this kind of PR, perhaps PR, perhaps legit, you know, protest of NBC to be like, we will no longer participate in a racist thing, you know? I think that I could take this one, Jackie, do you want to answer? No, please. All right. I think that the difference is that the Hollywood foreign press is a much smaller group of people that are literally all white and have been, the person on the article is like... It's less than 90 people that are a part of the people that all

vote and none of them are people of color. Right. Yeah. And haven't been for decades. It's not like, oh, just they recently found themselves with no people of color. Even somebody was like, since I've been there, which was 2003, there have been no people of color. I don't even know when there was people of color. Whereas the academy, much large, I mean, you get, how many people are a member of the academy. I mean, it's a lot, right? I don't know exactly how the academy works, but also, the academy's not getting this heat right now

because, like, look at the last award show. I mean, it was an incredibly diverse offering of filmmakers, and, I mean, they're trying to change more meaningfully. Yeah. By the way, the Academy Awards has a voting membership of over 7,000. Yes. 2018.

So there is a big difference. Yeah, it's like a way more democracy. process. Is there like a the only thing I don't know, Jackie, maybe it says that what you're looking at, is there like a smaller committee that sort of have more weighted votes or something like that?

Or is it just this 7,000 vote thing? Possibly. Also, though this year they've opted to 9,427 eligible Oscar voters, but there are different branches of the membership group and every branch apparently represents a different

discipline in the film production. I see. So it's more like specialized of people that actually know about it rather than just like essentially old, stodgy white people that are like, nah, we know, we know all about, you know. I mean, honestly, look at the Golden Globes as you remember, music up for a Golden Globe? Like it's like things like that where you're like still like, right? How out of touch are you? Yeah, it's so off base.

It makes no sense. And what I was lambasting the gold gloves for was all these white people winning and then getting up and speaking towards diversity and stuff. And it was just so full of shit and so clearly out of touch. Yes. So, and then also you're like there's these other things

that I didn't know about until the article mint made little nods to them. But like apparently also they're being very like, asking for all this extra special treatment or getting all these like trying to get all these like special little things like a bunch of elitist snobs would try to do. It's just very like up and so nass And didn't like one of the head of the whole thing

Like he was like said actual racist shit Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Yeah. It's just so. So that's just so. So that's what separates it from the academy. And I think we'd have be having the same discussion about the academy if we didn't see what we,

I think we happily saw last. They are trying. Even though again, I even feel this way about this where it's like NBC and I think it is a great step in the right direction. but I do, how do I not also feel like NBC of Blaine? Like, we will protect it. Because I do, I appreciate that they're holding them to the standard that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association said that they were going to add 20 more members.

They were going to increase their membership by 50% that they were going to do all of these things and they're not doing it. I see. 50% plus one. So that the new coming in would outweigh the old. Right. Right. Just by one by one entrant. Yeah.

And then, yeah. And it was like, all right, we want. a timeline of these changes and then they just didn't give them a timeline of the changes and are trying to do this fucking bullshit that makes everyone annoyed when you're like, yes, we hear you and we see you and then they don't do shit. And everyone's, and so I'm glad, I think NBC's been trying to get this monkey off their back for a fucking while because it's just ratings for award shows have just been kind of shit and, you know, especially through pandemic. And I was reading the blind items for a minute. I think this is like this best case scenario for them is they

look really progressive and they get all those points. but they also get to do the, like, evil thing they wanted to do, which was just, like, not do the show anymore. Right. So I think they're playing a longer game where once we get to 2022, they're going to find some way to, like, just not do the show, you know. Yeah. I see.

But then there are people like Tom Cruise who jumped right on it. I do think that it is, I laughed aloud when I read the headline that Tom Cruise, that Tom Cruise returned, literally returned his golden globes in a box and sent it to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. And that is just like, okay, well, that is just try. Remember, like, the whole mask thing when he made, like, you got somebody to record him being like, and everybody's got to wear their mask because I'm mission impossible man and I have sex with fish.

He didn't say that second part. I can't believe he said that, by the way. That's the most damning evidence, and no one's brought that up the recording where he actually admitted it while screaming at people for wearing a mask. And then he was like, you have a question in the back to you? And someone was like, did you say you fuck a fish? He was just like,

I was in every mission impossible movie. And they were just like, that's not an answer. He just completely diverted the question. He was like, I was in eyes wide shut. Kubrick was an amazing director. They were just like, none of this adds to what we're talking. It's rough for you to say. So yes, he no long.

holds the physical golden globes for born on the fourth of July, for Jerry McGuire, and for Magnolia. And now everything has changed. Thank you, Tom Cruise, for doing it. We never have to worry about racism again. Yay! It is a little bit opportunistic for Tom Cruise to be like, oh, I will do a very symbolic thing and return the Golden Globes for, for three movies that nobody currently cares about. I get it. You know what? There are three great movies,

but I'm in a, you know what, confession alert to you? I haven't seen Jerry Maguire since I saw Jerry McGuire in the movie theater. I was way too young to see Jerry McGuire. It makes me think of the time when you saw, what did you say, what's the name of it? The one with, oh, the Jersey Rocker and Haley Joel Osmond. Oh. The Jersey rocker and Haley Joel has meant. Bon Jovi!

Oh, pay it forward when I saw pay it forward. The Jersey Rocker is what I called him. Yeah, oh, you don't know. And, see, also, we lost Holden while I've been talking. We lost Holden on the Zoom call. And it just said, you are the host now. And I couldn't even think because all I could think of was, you're the host now, dog.

And that's all that was saying on repeat inside of my brain, because I've got issues. You are the host now. I'm thinking of it in like in the weakest link. Like you are the, you are the host now. Goodbye. You're all the host.

Hello. Welcome host the show. Well, now that Holden's gone, we can finally just talk about Pioneer Woman for an hour. Oh my God. Yes, Holden's finally gone. And we can talk about Jennifer Garner and Barefoot Contessa's relationship

as well as Pioneer Woman because, uh, I tell you what? I keep looking at those pictures of her, of her daughter's, wedding and I die. I know. I want a ranch wedding. I know. I know. This is fucking leave it to Pioneer woman to make me want to live on a ranch in Oklahoma with probably a bunch of terrible people. The Basset hounds. Both a bed. It was two basset hounds. And also the bass and hounds. And almost, I don't know if they're terrible people. I shouldn't say that. They're

very rich landowners in the South and I, then that raises my hackles. But does. Our Our hackles are risen as much as they were risen by how little I gave a fuck about Jerry McGuire. I tried to watch it again. The little boy is cute. That's the thing. Show me the money. I like that.

It's like that and Allie McBeal bring me immediately back to sixth grade. The late 90s, it was a, I feel like it was a time when there wasn't enough room for many things to be occupying our pop culture minds. And so there would just be like two things. And it was Jeremy. Are you talking about Benefer right now? And Benefer too. It is a real throwback.

You know, that was, it was a simpler time when we could just focus on things like Benefer. I can't believe they are back. It's not that I can't believe that they're back together. It's that I can't believe it all started with Gile. That's really the thing that has me upset. Wow. That, I mean, you can feel them falling in love as. they are very upsetting

with someone who is mentally handicapped who is not actually mentally handicapped playing poorly a mentally handicapped person but Jeely I'm just really excited about did you see the pictures for the new

Hulu show that's coming out the Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee Hulu series with Lily James and Sebastian Stan oh my God if you care about Pam Anderson or Tommy

I was about, oh my God, you're the host now dog. I just got, you're the host now dog again. Tommy Lee is who I'm referring to. Not Tommy Lee Jones. It's hard. Because I really wanted to say Tommy Lee Jones. It's hard not to say Tommy Lee Jones. Very different. But the the brain just wants to complete it. You know, the brain thinks that something is wrong. I just can't believe

but also now, all right, Holden McNeilley's the host He's now, dog. You're the host now, Doc. He's back. We kept recording. Okay, great. That's awesome. Sorry to miss out whatever y'all we're talking about.

Thank you. The new Hulu. That's okay. The new Hulu with about, about Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. Only Tommy Lee. Your bonner, not Tommy Lee Jones. Your boner will like that, right, Holden? This is the part of the show where I somehow end up talking about what I used to jerk off to.

Oh, that's why I included it, Holden. I expected it. I think sleuthing out that sex tape online was one of the first times I ever like saw. That might have even been the first time I saw video on the internet. I, I, you have, I searched high and low for that tape. When I found it, man, that was a summer afternoon. I'll never. But question for you, have you ever, I've never heard of the movie Barbwire?

Should I watch it? I kept, dude, it was playing in theaters when I was like, You know, again, just such a what, going through puberty. It came out in 1996. Yeah, so I was just crazed with sexual desires for one Pamela Anderson. And I kept thinking, I'm going to go. I'm just going to go. I'll try to get a ticket.

I, like, really wanted to see Barb wire in the movie theater because that's what you do when you're really horny and you don't have internet porn. I was like, but I never actually watched it. Jackie, I'm sure that movie is absolute dog shit. But if you want to do a watch through of it with me or something, I will absolutely do that. But just based on my... I feel like you need to watch it alone. I don't think...

It's so funny now what you look back on. I guess I'm still aroused by her, but like my taste has changed so much since then. And this 80s, especially 90s ideal of what like the hottest woman on earth looked like is so kind of insane now. Yes. In hindsight.

Like, yeah, I'm not going to sit here and say like, oh, Pamela Anderson is in no way attractive. back in, especially in her prime. But it is funny how tastes, how like the general taste of the public. We were just talking about that with asses in the 80s, right? Right. Weren't we talking about that?

How weird that was that, like, you wanted the flattest ass possible, which is so crazy to everybody now, including my, like, you look back and you're like, just tits the size of the planet Mars, but then an ass that's literally like, where is it? You know?

Like Sherlock Holmes, the case of the missing ass. Yeah, yeah. It was like one of those. The case of the ass. It's like, I don't know. I just, I don't know, but it is so fun. It just reminds me of a time in my life when, like,

you had to wait, you know, an hour for a picture to upload, to, like, load up online. Like, and it was, you know, and then I was printing out pictures of, like, Green Day that took, I would start the download, like, and then go to, off to class and then come back to the computer lab and like hope nobody touched the one computer. I purposely grabbed that was like in the far corner of the room

so that it could download this fucking picture and I could print it of Green Day. Like what a weird time. And then porn-wise, I mean, that was like the holy grail that sex tape. And it is, it is, I can't wait. I'm very interested to see if this movie, is this movie good, is it going to be good or is it going to be like absolute schlock is what I'm trying to figure out?

Like, what is it going to be, what is going to be surrounding it? Just the whole, I guess, obviously, Seth Rogan's in it, right? And he's the guy who, like, sold the sex tape. So I guess they're going to get into the whole sex tape fiasco and, like, how it all went down. Yeah, I think. Did you all watch it? It's going to be a Hulu series. So I'm going to watch the hell out of it.

I think it's going to be interesting. Also, has Nick Offerman. It has Andrew Dice Clay in it. Done. Oh, that was a, eh. I can see him. I am doing. I like, he's good in stuff.

Ford Fairlane is fantastic. But I will say, do you, do y'all remember or ask rather, do you all remember the sex tape? I have scenes of that sex tape burned in my brain. The car ride blowjob in the beginning. Then they're on a boat and she's doing hand stuff to herself. And then they're having sex on the boat. It was a revelation.

It was like, wow. I never saw it. I never saw. I never got a chance to see. Can you find it? it now. Like is that's a guy because I remember like the whole Hogan sex tape apparently you cannot find after it was burned into our brains. But I know I haven't actually. This is before that time. This is before that time when when I don't I feel like there's no way in hell you could get rid of that thing. It was

everywhere. It was that was what was shocking to me was like how accessible it actually was as a kid even. I'm just like seriously. It's just here. I am interested in the story because I don't know anything about it that I do wonder if it was something that they were in on. Was it something that they were a part of of knowing that it was going to be leaked, quote unquote? Or is that just like a horrible thing? Like I actually don't know because it was so accessible if that was something like. I'm sure they were pissed. I feel like nowadays it's so much harder to get rid of something from the internet than it is to get it all spread out the way it was in 1996, right? But I also wasn't old enough to be doing that.

Like I was still, I think I was only, I was only nine in 1996. So I wasn't quite there yet. I am gonna, I cannot wait for this because I also like, all I remember like, Holden was the right age to be like the exact right age. And we were like, they were just like the. And the horniest boys are so gross. That's why like having, I keep going back to this in my head about having, you know, and I know it's all over the place now, but like boys are so fucking gross, man.

I was so gross. And all I could think about was just this sex tape. You know what I mean? There were the entire days of my life went by that was just given up to boy horniness. And it just is what it is. I don't know. I mean, as a horny young myself, it's kind of, I mean, all I thought about. Like I said, like I had the tape, the VHS of Astronaut's wife that that one part was watched until it became dust.

Girls can be horny too. girls clean up after themselves better that's all i don't know no it's easier to fold it back up inside of us better better due diligence than i would say just the straight up just making goo in a pair of underwear and putting them in the hamper and just like who washes the clothes holding mom washes the clothes holding what do you think she's what do you think she's encountering you think she's not encountering this no she's encountering this she knows she knows she knows uh so gross I'm an animal. I'm a despicable.

I'm a despicable. I'm just glad you finally admitted it. It's okay. We've been waiting for years. I kind of wish I'd miss the whole sex tape thing. Now I'm just feeling just disgusted with my sense. I'm excited for this show because I want to rewrite of that time from today's perspective, right? Because it was just like Pamela Anderson is like a bad lady because she's so sexy and everyone

wants to fuck her. And it was like, well, but does that make her bad? Like, she's actually like pretty smart, pretty interesting. Like, she's actually like a pretty fascinating, like cultural figure. And but, but back then it was just like, she's so bad. She got big boobs. She's bad. And like, must be bad.

You know? Fucking the tattoo man. Yeah, she's fucking the tattoo guy. And that makes her really bad. I'm upset because this, I was never attracted to Tommy Lee, but the Sebastian Stan version of Tommy Lee is extremely attractive. Oh, yeah. And man. He had a real pole on him.

The tall gangling types always do. The tall ganglings always do. I can't do it anymore. Let's go to the celebrity conspiracy. I like this gab. All right. Oh. Do you believe in?

The idea that Jackie is secretly trying to humiliate me. Is that even a conspiracy? I know, right? Is that even a conspiracy? This is an interesting meta-conspiracy. but first I will say this came in from last week's cake conspiracy and this email came in from Claire just to talk about that real quick. Hi Holden, when you mentioned cake, I got so excited to finally be able to write in.

The lead singer of cake slash alleged devil lives down the street from my parents with his wife and kids in Portland, Oregon. His name is, right? His name is John. And while his song lyrics are certainly spooky, I have spoken to him a number of times he seems pretty normal and non-devilish. In case the conspiracy is true, I will warn my parents of the imminent. danger of having the devil and his spawn as neighbors. I will also conduct my own research at the upcoming neighborhood block party and see if I can uncover any luciferian evidence. I'll be sure to bring my holy water.

Wish me luck. Thank you so much, Claire. Also, Claire says, side note, your podcast brings me so much joy and I frequently talk about you as if you're my actual friend, so I'm sure that's fun for other people in my life. Congrats, Jackie on the engagement, Holden on the Bebe, and MJ on coming out as your true self. Love you guys. Thank you so much, Claire. Oh, the devil.

You sound like you'd be really fun to hang out with. I want to go to that block party, Claire. That sounds awesome. Yeah, I want to go to the block party. But you can't go, Jackie. Instead, you're going to go to the chopping block. No, why am I on the chopping block? This is an interesting conspiracy theory.

I have a conspiracy theory of my own making. Thank you for writing in Sarah, page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Oh, no. Is it true? It's time for the world to know. In page 7, episode 323, Life's a Bruce. Jackie refers to herself as an Orlando Bloom Stan. Curious, since the episode 396, I stand.

Jackie states that she stands Dwayne Johnson, but she exaggerates the word showcase, to showcase how unfamiliar she is with the term. She goes so far as to use the term wrong, forcing Holden to read the Urban Dictionary example, which is about Holden's sworn nemesis, Ariana Grande. A coincidence, you might say,

a cruel twist of faith that forces Holden to say the words, I just love Ariana Grande so much. I would die for her. her, I would track her every move if I could. By the way, you just made me say it again, Sarah, so fuck all that noise. That's what you don't know, Sarah, is that I know Sarah. I am Sarah, and Sarah are living. And we are here to bring you through the dirt, Arionators, ho.

All right, please. Also, a coincidence that Jackie suddenly forgot how to say the word she's used before. Or this is actually just an elaborate plot by the queen herself to humiliate and put one Mr. Holder McNeely in his place. Here's what we know. Holden announces his rivalry to the theft of his slogan in episode 373. My Lil Ventus aired October 8, 2020. In this same episode, Jackie makes a point to clumsily say, Stan, and makes a big deal that she doesn't know how to say the word that she clearly does. Jackie is playing the long game with Holden, but why?

Why is she laying the groundwork slowly goading Holden to? look up Stan and forcing him to say the humiliating phrase for the world and God. Holden's theory in the episode, My Lil Vintes, is that Ariana stole the anators when Michael Che and Kevin Barnett, rest in peace, told Pete Davidson, who told Ariana about the cool name, their cool friend Holden had for his parents. This we know, by the way, side note from me, this we know is true. That's fact, right? That had to have happened.

But what if it wasn't Michael Chey or NKB? What if Jackie, sick of Holden's always screaming ho, finally had enough. In an effort to get Holden to change his fandom name and stop bursting her eardrum, she created the Arianator's name herself while posting online as an unassuming Ariana Stan. Then she waited, right? Then she waited for the beef to heat up all the while insisting she didn't know what Stan even was, waiting for her trap to be walked into. After months of them not taking the bait she finally had to make it so clear,

she didn't know what Stan was that Holden was forced to. are going to be humiliated in front of the world. Here's more proof. At timestamp, 542 in My Little Vintes, Jackie says, this is a conspiracy I do want to believe because I guarantee this is exactly what happened. So quick to believe and validate Holden's theory, which conveniently excludes herself.

Her mask slips further in episode 376, swaddled and stink. When, in reference to Holden, freaking out about the whole Instagram incident, Jackie says, it's so funny how mad you are, it's the destruction of Holden McNeely psychologically that we want to witness and isn't that a gift?

Wow. Later she tells Alden, later she tells Alden, he should, quote, get rid of everything he's been working out for the last 12 years and to, quote,

throw it in the trip where it belongs, end quote. Still is it. That's a great quote from me and I stand by what I said. Hearing the shit we say typed out and read back is a very different experience.

She ends with this. Still not convinced the user who created the Stan Urban Dictionary definition only ever made that one. Their username is SailB. What does Jackie love? Yacht Rock. Whoa.

What do yawks do is sail. She thought her trap was bulletproof, but I see her web of life. Jackie, I think she meant to write lies. Anyway, I stand y'all, peace. Wow. Well, the thing is is what Sarah was incorrect about. Oh, yeah, dance around it. Was because really I'm called Sailbee because of what about Bob and because he has the sailing scene.

And so I am sailing Bob, sail, B, because I couldn't get sailing Bob. All right? And sometimes you think you're a bumblebee. I want to watch him destruct. There you go. I guess we have it. Jackie's not allowed to vote on this, by the way, because she is an interested party. She just admitted it.

I'm the only one who's allowed to vote. You guys are in too deep, both of you. And I agree. I believe it. What do you think, MJ? What do you think? I believe it. It's true, of course.

Oh, my God. I understand MJ if you'd like to replace both of us after all of this on next week's episode moving forward for page seven. I think you can take it down. How could I? When I hear the art of what you each say typed out and read back to us, how could I ever replace you? I'm great. That's also number two thing that I learned, how great I am. I wish, you know, the thing is that Jeff and I spent a lot, we spend a lot of time talking about like one day if we have like fuck you money of the pranks that we, like the long.

long cons we can play on people. I just, like, it's like why I want to buy a jet. I want to have a secret jet that nobody knows about just so I could pull off long con fuck you's to my friends. Nothing that, you know, I hate April Fool's Day, so nothing that would, like, ruin their life, but more of like, why would you have been working on this for years while I look into their eyes and go, I've been working on it for years. And this is my first one, so thank you, Sarah, for blowing my car.

already. Unbelievable. And Ariana Grande, how dare you? Just for the zillionth time. We're talking about it again, though. Holdenaders. Hose is mealymouth at best. It's a shitty way to say your fan.

Little Monsters. That's a snapper. Holdenaders. Snapper. Arunator. That's impossible to say on your best day. And what about your worst day? Horrible.

And it's anti-speech impediment. Because if you have one, try saying that fucking name of a fandom. I'll tell you that much. All right. It's anti-disabled, I'd say a little bit. I'm just glad that it's finally out and I feel good. I feel better now. I feel expunged.

And so just wet me up. I'm ready to hold all your liquids. Because it's time for shoutouts. Oh, shout. Shout. Shout. Let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote in about.

Come on. You're talking to us. Come on. You're making a fuss. Come on. It is time. And if you would like a shout out or if you want anything to say to us, hit us up at page 7 podcast at jemal.com. 7 the number.

Because the first man, I just want to thank everybody that wrote in about their baby teeth story. I just, now I'm obsessed with it. But the one that I want to give a supreme shout out to is a one Jesse who wrote in and said, my mama knowingly, because I learned something with this one, my mama knowingly had stashed a little Ziplock bag in a middle backseat seat console in the backseat of the car. And one time when she was taking me to the airport, I found my baby teeth inside of them. And it was a very funny moment. And apparently, he goes on to say, we're Jewish though, and it's actually an orthodox thing. that you're supposed to bury the teeth.

Actually, anything bodily, you're supposed to bury it, including nail clippings and hair. I'm sure whoever digs up that will have an even weirder moment. We actually do this because of the idea that bodies are all expressions or images of the infinite. Anyway, sending my love, loved hearing all your banter and love you all, love Jesse. And that, I was like, that's so interesting.

That is interesting. Right? Toss the team coming from Holden. Toss them into the ground, though. Yeah, I got to put them in the ground. So just so you guys know, for the Bibez, you gotta toss them in the ground. Okay.

You can find a patch of, you know, something that you can you imagine, digging in the little planter on a New York City street? Or like in my apartment. Even my apartment here, yeah, just has very little real estate for that sort of thing. Yeah, I'll bury my children's teeth

on a public New York City sidewalk. That sounds great. I also want to give a shout out. This is from Cassie. This shoutout goes out to their partner, John. COVID times have been tough for all of us. But he has started with his pop getting hit by a car while crossing the street. John was just about to graduate from his trade school program at the time and he dropped everything,

stayed with his dad in the hospital, then moved his mom and chronically ill sister to Oregon from Arizona and spent the better part of a year caring for his family and keeping things afloat. He also lost his best friend unexpectedly earlier in 2021. Being who he is, John still spends a majority of his free time helping other people. He really deserves some recognition for how kind, generous, hardworking, and brilliant he is. And I can't think of a better way to make it known than a shout out from our best podcast friends. I just want to give such a shout out to John. Shout out, John.

This is, Cassie wrote more about how amazing you are as well. and I want to know you and I want to hug you. So I just want to say, keep up the fucking positive energy. We all need it especially now. I'm going to say especially now. This time, I feel like this, everything is happening right now is almost worse than the beginning. We're just like, all right, I feel like baby feet of standing through.

I'm just like, oh, don't knock me over, wave. And then a wave will come and knock me over because I've got baby feet and I don't have real people feet yet. Yes, I just implied that babies aren't real people. But before I dig Vasil further into that hole, I want to give another shout out to Charlie and their mom. My mom, despite being one of the strongest people I know, has always struggled with addiction.

She's been sober for four years now. Hell yeah. But with the stress of quarantine and the death of a friend, she started smoking cigarettes again. All seemed lost until a bit ago when I was listening to your podcast. Jackie mentioned in past, the book that helped her quit smoking. Alan Carr's easy way to quit smoking.

I mentioned that. No, you are the one that turned me on to it. Oh, okay. And it's amazing. It really does help. And I love what Charlie went on to say. I suggested it to my mom who bought the audio version and listened to it as she naturally drove around smoking.

Now, a month or two after I suggested the book, she hasn't smoked in two weeks. Thank you, thank you, thank you, my loves. Your podcast has added. years onto my mom's life. Fuck, yes. Congratulations, Mom. I think that's one of the most important things about the book

or one of the best things about the book to get people to start is the book opens with like, if you're still smoking, I don't want you to stop. I just want you to read the book. So you don't have to, I feel like sometimes people are fake because they're like, oh, I have to like quit and then read it.

No, no, no. Just keep smoking. Keep smoking. Just pick up the book and start reading it. And hopefully it'll work like it worked on me and so many other people. the get-go. It understands that it's an addiction, one of the most difficult addictions to kick. Yeah. And, but it really does break it down in a way that you can just

get through it without any help, no patch, no gum. In fact, I think those things make it harder in certain ways, and they almost like give the addiction itself like a mystique around it, whereas like this is just like you'll feel a little uncomfortable for a couple days, and then you're done. Wow. Hopefully after you read the book. But the cool thing about it is, I think what helped just from my perspective, I loved that it was like, I don't want to stop now. Just keep smoking. I just want you to read the book.

You know, and I think that just gave me the ability to just sit down and read it and like take it in without this pressure, you know, of like quitting. Hell yeah. And shoutouts to anybody that has had to go through the struggle or is currently going through the struggle, just keep going.

I swear, if I can stop smoking, anybody can. I love smoking. I still love smoking. I watch it from afar or I'll stand near someone when they're having a cigarette. Spoke joints. And yeah, that's why, yeah, and I smoke joints. But then I also want to give another shout out to Seth. I legit work in an underground government laboratory and with the goddamn plague going around,

have had minimal interaction with people over the last year. Your podcast has been one of the few that have kept me laughing over the last year. But he wanted to give a shout out to his amazing wife, Jen, whose birthday is on May 13th, which is the day this comes out, and I hope that you'll listen to it today. Happy, happy birthday. It would make her laugh and smile so much if she could get a shout out. We've had to replace a furnace, had a water heater and water softener on short notice in the last couple of months, and I want to try to put together a couple little surprises for her.

Jen just got word that she got the job. She's been going after for about five years, and I'm so proud of her and so constantly impressed by her. She's tough, beautiful, and so weird, and I love every minute I get to spend with her. I'm going to burst in the tears right now, and I hope that you have a beautiful birthday, Jen, and your partner loves you very, very, very much, and it makes me cry. And I've got a positive thing to say about Jason Momoa. for last week when Holden tried to break my heart about Jasonamoa and his tipping because I've got a letter from Amanda. And yes, I'm saying Amanda because Amanda is from Newfoundland. And we were somehow blessed when Jasonamoa started filming his show Frontier here.

Our entire province only has 500,000 people and we all love gossip. So, of course, it's spread like crazy. Anyway, it's now common Newfoundland lore that he is an incredibly nice guy who absolutely loves it here, which he has actually said in several interviews that can be found online. Now, I haven't heard any stories about his tipping habits, but I feel like if he didn't tip well slash at all, that would have been very quickly spread around. Also, he's posted some Instagram stories with merch from some local businesses which has helped get their name out and boost their sales.

Also, also, I have heard that in person he is in fact hot as hell. So please rescind your yucks. Maybe it really was just the people. Thank you so much, Amanda, and I wish you could see my Darcy face of Holden. See, Jason and Bella is nice. She wrote it. The lady said it. I didn't say it.

You said it. You didn't. I said what she wrote, but I did. She wrote it. Then I said it. And we've got one last amazing show. out to battle tardigrade on Patreon. I remember your username.

And I appreciate that he wanted to ask for a shout out because the old dog is turning the large 4-0 this year and he's feeling less than Jake about it. I think that's a shout-out. Am I allowed to say, wait, is less than Jake Skaw? Yeah, they're ska slash pop-punk. Perfect. Well, he's feeling less than Jake about it.

And that's a snooze cruise and whatever. Fairly soon, too, on June 3rd is when he turns 40. So here's a shout out to Yonse for a waggleback. Also, though, would absolutely make a very happy B-Day indeed to hear from that glorious, ineffable creature, Nightcat once more. Ow! Yowl at your boy! And I love you all to pieces and please pass along.

love to the whole LPN family. Jackie, you're legit, one of the funniest people I can think of. Wishing Lil Spookers, nothing but the best health in life, with the scaled one and the fastidious angel. And this gay man is so proud of you, MJ. LGBQIA plus representation and visibility always. Bird Lugar forever. Sorry this email so long.

I'm all squirty, but with emotions. I think about liking. Happy birthday, Ryan. And that's it for your shoutouts today. All right. Is it time for the list? I guess you could sing about it. Oh!

Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Well, in reality, I completely forgot where we were at in the show, because in my brain, the shoutouts were done, and that meant I was done, which wasn't the case. Because we've got the list of that is 15 famous people, and they're inexplicably bizarre obsessions. Number 15 is Sir Patrick Stewart,

who is very, very into Beavis and Butthead. He says it's borderline addiction. In fact, I have ties. I have all the videos. I have a wonderful collection of T-shirts, he says. When the history of 20th century American television is written, I think that Beavis and Butthead will be singled out as a very, very important cultural phenomenon.

Right on. I fall in love more and more with Patrick Stewart. I think every time that I read anything that he has to say. I love that. He's right. He's right. He is completely. I mean, if you go ahead and listen to the pop history on Beavis and Butthead,

because it really changed a fucking lot. I mean, but maybe, you know what changes things the most? Poop! Because Gandhi was obsessed with poop. He'd greet the girls in his ashrums every morning with, Have you had a good bowel movement this morning, sisters? And gave them enemas and received enemas from them. Now, I don't know if that means he was obsessed with poop.

I think it's about clearing your body to make your, like, the temple of which you live in. But I like that crack.com boiled it all down to a syrup of Gandhi was obsessed with poop. Yeah, but also did you know that Thomas Jefferson had a weird life-long obsession with American mastodons? He was so into mastodons That he talked about them a lot And even had his friends pay big postage bills To mail him mastodon teeth I mean, you know, you gotta think

It's you're like, think of yourself as a pioneer on this land You're not, it's stolen land But you're like, ooh, these big prehistoric creatures were here You know, it's got Macedon's are thrilling This is probably the most interesting thing I've heard about, Thomas Jefferson. Look, I feel like all bros are weirdly obsessed with dumb stuff, right?

Nowadays, it's anime and video get back. You know what I mean? When I was a kid, dinosaurs in Egypt, right? Right. Sure. Couldn't get better than that. Dinosaurs, Egypt, that's it. See, my thing is, I think I bring it up every time I think about a big elephant-type mammal of sorts is I think of snuffalopagus.

And I was obsessed with snuffaloffalophagus. And he was an imaginary Mastodon. But speaking of bros liking shit, Adal Mittur was a big Disney fan. He loved his Disney movies. I feel like all dictators have a big soft spot for like very cookie cutter traditional American cinema. Because we also know the, what was it,

Kim Jong-un or whoever was like all about that life? It's very, very weird. Yeah. For sure. He also liked speed. Yeah, well, you know, they're just saying, you know. There's a jiff of him at, like, a sporting event. It's so unnerving because he's so fucking coked out and, like, jawing really hard and stuff.

And you're just like, ugh, ugh. It's so upset. Hitler? Yes. Ooh, yikes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, you know when someone's so yacked out that you can, like, hear their teeth grind? Yeah, yeah.

He's like, he looks like he's having a fucking great time. But, you know, I thought with Coke, everyone's like, oh, imagine. talking to that guy at a party on Coke, but it's Hitler, you know. Yeah, nightmare. Gotta get out of this conversation. He's always yelling. And he's like, keeps making you do the hile. And it's just like, all right, we're done.

And we stop. Duke of Windsor. That's what happened to it. You know what I mean? That brings it all back to the Crow. There you go. Windsor. He was just enthralled by the, by Hitler.

I like that you said that, Jackie, by the way. Because every time I ask Lexi if she wants to watch an episode, I go, would you like to watch an episode of the Clown? It's hard not to. Yeah, it's never to be said normal. And it's hard not to be around round objects, Nikola Tesla, because Nikola Tesla couldn't stand round objects. Apparently, it was one of his bizarre fixations.

He would also not touch hair, and he despised jewelry and used 18 napkins to thoroughly polish every dining implement. 18. So OCD and probably also on the spectrum is what we can now say in hindsight. But again, these are things that we learn as time goes on. And the last thing that we've definitely learned is that even though I have kept all of my bales of beanie babies, they're never going to be worth anything. But I don't think Lou Friigno gives a fuck because he's a hardcore beady baby collector.

He and his wife mostly collect them for their kids, but he's still kind of competitive. about it. He says, you always try and I'll do the other people and get the ones you don't have. Oh, right. Is this necessary? Good old Lou Forigno, really in the zeitgeist these days. My mom was obsessed with Lou Forigno. We, but she just, between him and who's the guy that played the beast in the live action beauty in the beast? Yeah. I know the guy. Oh, yes. Yeah, I know the guy. Hot for a beast.

Hot for a beast. Oh, I won't leave. I'm not going to let it lie. But he also looked like Marjorie Taylor Green a little bit. The politician. Live action. Maybe that wasn't hot. He wasn't hot for a beast.

Maybe I'm just thinking of cartoon beast. 1987? Yeah. Ron Perlman. Ron Perlman. And I apologize, but I do group Louferigno and Ron Perlman in the same beautiful category. And so now every time I think of Lou Forigno, I would just remind me of the amount of movies we would have to watch because as my mom would say, he could leave his boots under my bed. Wait, your mom was obsessed with Ron Perlman in a sexual way?

I take it back. I was thinking of the regular cartoon beast and I forgot that the actual live action one was kind of terrifying. Yeah, no, I was very scared of it as a kid. But, you know, Ron Perlman did a really great job. I tried to get my mom to watch the sons of anarchy as well because he's really hot in that. And you can watch Peg Bundy also be really hot. But she wasn't that into it. Isn't that interesting?

It's the big job. Well, what's fascinated to me is that my sight's gone and I think I'm going blind. We can't see them. This foreign-born A-list celebrity couple are set to announce they are splitting. The husband's affairs are becoming. too public and a divorce announcement is less damaging to the brand than a cheating one. Here's a couple of things. She used to be in a completely different line of work than she is now.

Now she does fashion. She used to be more of a showman woman. And he, a sportsman, tin. And them, not of American tinland. More of a fan of the ground. A groan. So what is a sportsman and one is a sportsman? A British fashion woman?

Both are model sort of. They didn't even play our sports. Victoria Beckham. The Beckham's. Yeah. Yeah. It's the only ones we know. There you go.

It's amazing. Oh, that's sad. Yeah, so you're getting divorced. I like them as like a couple. They have four kids. They're hot. They still like each other. Apparently not.

I know. I keep them up there with like the Kelly Ripa, Mark Consuelo's relationship of like, oh, too hot people can still fuck after having a bunch of kids. Yeah. Right. But also, I think it's an interesting window in a PR

that a divorce announcement is less damaging to the brand than a cheating one. I think that's really interesting. I think that's probably true, too. Wow. This former bar star slash fairly new mother is starting an only fan's page because she knows she will never be invited back

to the show that thinks it is the easiest way to make a lot of money and thinks it is the easiest way to make a lot of money. I pulled this because I always like bringing up this blind because Jackie's so funny about it with her rage. Former bar star. What does that mean? Bar Star. Fairly new mother.

Reality show. Maybe it's set in, I don't know, a bar. I'm making it very obvious. Oh, is it Stasi? Yeah. Stasi's only fans. You don't want to become a member with me? Well, we can share it.

You know what? I just, I can't. I can't with her. I fucking can't. And I try to not be where I used to be with my rage. But I, there's just something about, why is she anything anymore? She's a shitty human being And she shouldn't get any more money

Stop giving her more money Well, I don't mean to devastate you with this last one Both of us, uh-oh Fucking rip you to shreds, both of you. Okay, the two of you both. Yeah, maybe, I don't know. This A-List's mostly television actor Who stars in a hit Almost Network show

Comes from a family of actors And has been acting since he was a child. Every day he would hit on this Barista. and they finally went out and they had sex. He then ignored her when he would go get coffee and then told the manager he was uncomfortable seeing her there every day and tried to get her fired or transferred.

Oh no. He's a part of the show that you two really like to. Oh no! I would say that tracks like a fucking train, bro. It tracks. Everything is just like, apparently he's just not. That's why I also do you like, though, because I follow them all on Instagram. I like that everyone's like gotten behind Lily Reinhard of like, you're not gonna keep

hurting our girl. He just like sucks it being, he like sucks it being single, I guess, probably. Yeah, I think he just is kind of a user and thinks that he walks on fucking water. How could you not be if you're a child star? I mean, not that every child star is an asshole, but if you grow up that way, this is like, I feel empathy for them because they have never had any other perspective. It warps your perspective, you know? Yeah.

And especially if everyone around you, you're covered in swaths of yesmans. And of course you're going to think you're hot shit. The fact that he had the fucking shitty balls, makes you think of like the truck balls to go in and try and get her transferred. No, no, no, no. If you're going to be like this, this is a thing. as a former barista who had stooped

multiple people that were people that came into the store you just get past it and go ha ha remember that and you keep just being normal people and that's it

and then to do that like grow the fuck up you are way too old to be fucking acting like that honestly I would expect it more if he was 18 or 19 but he's in his late 20s and he's banged around the block

And if you're going to do that, you better be cool with having to see the people your stuff. Yep. Jackie, you know all about that. I do. I'm always groovy, though. I'm groovy. You're right that it is a lesson you need to have learned by your late 20s. Like, I think we can forgive ourselves for the, I will, maybe I'm just talking to myself here. I can forgive myself for the bad way I treated people who I didn't know how to interact with after strip into my early 20s.

By your late 20s, you're like, I'm an adult. I need to face this. to like be fine. We can have a conversation if we need to, but like I need to grow up here. And I understand like if you've started later, like I started probably way too early. So I imagine if you start later, then maybe that could be bumped back. But I think that if you've been schuppen for 10 years, figure it the fuck out. Yeah, for sure. Cole's bros. Cole! And I'll tell you what. I will say, though, your answers to my riddles three has given

me the ability to see. Wow, that was really good. You are singer-songwriter. There you go. Yeah, actually, I've changed my name. Singer-songwriter Farts McGintel. Oh, Farts McGintel strums on the keys. Farts McGintle's gonna come after yees.

He's more spigntal. He's a killer and a singer-songwriter. Singer-songwriter, killer. Farts McGintle. Singer-songwriter, killer. He's also a killer. And be careful of him. I would be.

Sing or song writer first. Susan God. Love. Love. Love. So soon. You're getting here a scream about rent for so long. Yeah.

By the way, just wanted to throw it out there. If you now, your interest has been peaked by us screaming about rent, which will do way more on pop history this week, which will come out in a couple weeks or whatever. The whole 2008 final performance of rent is, completely all on YouTube. And so it's like free as shit and it's all right there and it's really good.

So skip that bad film, y'all and watch that actual Broadway production. It is the final production of the Broadway run. And it's something special. I've been enjoying it. We watched the first half last night. We're going to watch the second half tonight because my heart couldn't take

all that AIDS, you know, and all that business. It's a lot. So, oh. No day but today. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week on page 7. And if you are listening to this on Thursday, March 13th, get your buns over to the last podcast network Twitch today at 5 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. And that is also 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

And we are going to be watching Eclipse together. Forcing Holden to watch Eclipse? Yes. Am I going to scream about the werewolf and how fun, he doth fall from my heart. Yes. And you should join us because I'm very upset already. And you can also like follow my pictures if you want on Instagram at Jack.

That Worm. Check me out every Friday with Jackie, Twitch.tv. forward slash holdenators ho. Yo, we're going to go down with the arianators. You came. I couldn't even say it. You brought it up again.

You brought it up. I couldn't even say it, Jackie. Yeah. Maybe we won't. Maybe we won't do Jackanese anymore. I don't even know. I don't even know anymore because someone's secretly trying to put their evil in me. But either way, thank you so much for having me.

And my name is MJ and I'm MJKLKat on Instagram. Woo-woo, woo, woo, woo. Have a great week, guys. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like you, for more shows like you. the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.