Page 7 - Ep. 403: No Piss Backs!

Episode Date: May 20, 2021

This week we goss bout Jenjamin aka Bennifer, answering the question 'Does love exist?', Tom Cruise vs Russia in the Coolest War of all time, a listener story about Andrew Keegans cult and the continued fall out from Ellen. And in celebrity conspiracy corner; Is Lorde’s album Melodrama about an affair with producer Jack Antonoff?!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I come from different worlds You like to laugh at me when I look at other girls Sometimes you're crazy And then you know why I'm such a baby because the dolphins make me cry Where there's nothing not a girl Yeah, that's my allergy version of Darius Rocker Welcome to page seven

Holden and I have done this in karaoke a couple of times at this point and it's been ever in my head since I can't stop it and to the point that I looked up why is the line I'm such a baby because the dolphins make me cry and yes he was referring

to the sports team the dolphins and I brought this up to a one Edward Larson and he's like yeah of course I was I supposed to know that Darius Rucker is a huge dolphins fan but I guess once you're

dolphins fan, you know every other dolphins fan, just like when you're a jet, you're a jet all the way. And this is what you're here for today. We're here to learn. I feel like I love that. I was thinking about Hootie and the Blowfish like deep in thought recently, but now I'm over here being like, it's impossible that I was thinking about Hootie and the Blowfish recently. That must be a coincidence that I was thinking about. Like, I feel like I must have had a dream about Darius Drucker. Maybe I think I remember having like a very close. clear thought in my head, like, I wonder if they're, if they're resentful for just being known for that song. But why would I be thinking about that and the same week that you sing it? Do we just

have such synergy? We do have synergy. Or, you know, yeah, maybe we're just, we're blowfish connected. Yeah, I think Hootie's coming back, though, too, bro. Like, I don't know, some in the air. There's some in the wind. You know what I mean? Like the beginning of Lord of the Rings. I feel it in the Walter. I feel it in the wind. You know, Lord of the Rings gets me, harney. Be careful. It's Darius, that rock, rock is coming back at us again. I think Hootie, I won't be surprised if Dave Matthews band starts kind of inching his way back into our lives.

He's interesting times. Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, as people get more into, like, because everybody right now they've been so pent up that they don't even know how to be back outside. So it's like you're back in high school and you're like, I guess I'll have a white wine spritzer and watch Dave Matthews perform his fantastic album, you know, crash. Do we think that there's going to be like a blues traveler renaissance as well? Yeah. It never went away.

It never went away. I think blues travelers has absolutely been coming back into fashion lately for sure. It's all of that, right? I'm, you know, because yeah, I think people want like day festivals, but with bad bands. That's why you should call it Ruckaroo and Ruckaroo should have his own Bonneroo where it is all. Yes. Now the problem is that Rucker has.

I'm sorry. It's not bad, but you know what I mean. It's not, you know, it's not great. What, Ruckaroo doesn't work? No, no, no, Ruckaroo's great. I'm saying that I don't want to call others bands bad because I don't want people hitting me up being like, I'm mad because you called my bad bad.

I don't think that they're bad. I like my band, you know what I mean? But I kind of do, but I will say it's so that you can happily make out with whoever is in your vicinity during the show and not feel like you're missing anything. That's why it needs to be a certain level of music. And that's why I think Ruckaroo is what we, all need as long as there are fuck tents and fuck sheds yeah yeah for people to run off to and have

sex because again we've got to support this summer of I'm not going to say summer of love it's summer of fuck yeah certainly but summer of fuck but summer of fuck I love it's summer of fuck in me around where I'm not way just fucking the shit out of somebody while that song plays kind of in the distance Yeah, Ruckaroo! Ruckaroo! And he is releasing also a line of Darius record-themed dunkeroo's as well for the kitties. So don't worry, everybody's going to have a fun. Yeah, Ruckaroos.

So you dunk the little Darius Rucker crackers into the little goo. Everybody's going to be covered in frosting. Oh, I can't, yeah, but it's not frosting. It's not. That body frosting. Now, I am so glad I'm not single in my 20s right now. I couldn't imagine the amount of mistakes I would make, the amount of just illegitimate humans being created by me.

I think in this summer of fuck, it's going to be unbelievable for those people. Yeah. On our Twitch chat and our Friday Twitches with Holden and I, some people in chat have said that they've gotten almost in trouble by saying the streets will run, that the streets will run white with cum. I can't even say it. I'm so excited. They were talking to a coworker and they were like,

the streets will run brown with vomit because everyone will be puking. Partying. From par of drinking. They're literally about to tell their own coworker that the streets were going to run white with com this summer. It's not our fault. It's not our fault. It's true.

Yeah. Truth is not our fault. That is a good statement to make him J. Absolutely. Especially, I have definitely been hearing tales for my single friends that are like going back and making horrible mistakes of like horrible mistake, like repeat mistakes because I feel like everybody's trying to get their mistakes out of the way because they're like, all right, this is an easy one. Knock that apple off the tree. All right. This is an easy one.

I'm going to pull this rows off the bush. And then they're just plucking. They're plucking because they got to get back into it. You know, get into the ground. Yes. Could you fathom? I mean, fathom this, Jackie. Fathom me this.

We go back to that crazy summer we had where we were doing OKCupid. Summer of sad. If quarantine had happened while you were in that relationship, you all most definitely would have broken up by the end of it. And then you would have gone into that. You would have gone into that summer and you would have been, I mean,

it would have been times 10 what was already, I would just say a disastrous for you and your psyche. It was disaster. I will say, I call it the summer of sad, but I think it should be called the summer of my biggest traumas. But that's okay. We live, we grow.

And remember now that the streets run white with come, be careful, be safe, don't worry. The tail is now not going anywhere for a while. And just be good to yourself if you can. My word. It seemed, did it snow in June? That's not snow. No.

In snow, Popple. Did it? Did the sky open and it snowed upon all of Brooklyn in the middle of June? Although I will say it was, we were in the pool yesterday and we were like, what's happening? What's coming down from the sky? It was ash because, oh, baby, we hit the time of the year when the state is on fire. And it is kind of beautiful and it's how horrible it is when the ash comes down. But I will always think of Dante's peak and you can't. Make me not.

There you go. Yeah, there's going to be a real convergence of like, you know, it's like the graph is like horniness and like climate apocalypse are both ascending as pandemic is descending, you know. Oh, yeah. And where are they going to take this ascension to? Outer space. I made some great jokes about the fact that Tom Fishfucker Cruz is taking his fish,

bones into outer space to make a movie in space. I, um, you know, I really just kind of thought this was going to go to the wayside, but I had no idea how far it had gone. He wants to be the first celebrity to make a movie in space. So he and, uh, this guy, Doug Lyman, who made Edge of Tomorrow, the Born Identity, wants to, um, they're going to space to make a movie up there. They're going to do it. You know, if you had told me gravity had been shot in space, I would have believed you.

I really love that one. It's a good one. So at the end of the day, I just feel like, you know, get out there, make it happen, make it good. But the funny thing is, it's like, you can just make a movie. It doesn't have to be good. So I think this whole part where Rush is competing with them, I think they're going to be the first one to make the movie. But will they be the first one to make a movie that cracks a mill in the box office, right? We've got to have statistics here.

Because while Tom Cruise has been saying, I'm going to be the one. I'm going to be the one that gets up there. No, guys, it's not Tom Cruise. It was me. It was me, Jackie. And he's not probably going to be the first one because now Russia has said on October 5th, 2021, they are beginning their expedition to go into outer space to make a movie.

And it's the, and then what I call it? Come on, guys. The Cool War? Yeah. Yeah, Jackie, it's the Cool War. Yeah. It's good. Solve thing.

It's the cool war. It's really what it is. We should call it what it is, which is a race to see which actor will die first in space. That's really what it comes down to. I hope that something fun comes of this because, can you, I just like,

I don't even understand. It's like, are they going to be able to, I know they're not going to be able to see each other, but in my brain they'll be able to see each other, like one film set is over Russia, the other film sets over Earth, and they're just like looking at each other. They share the same craft services table.

Hey, you've been out of your, Me too. What a great. Small galaxy. Yeah, yeah. I could see them arguing about like where the ship placement is, even though it's all of space to work with. They just want to like step on each other's dick.

And now they're sending a female lead in Russia up to space to make this movie. And I do love this line. Potential candidates for the female lead in the film. I was going to read this, Jackie. I needed to be between 25 and 40 years old and a Russian citizen to weigh between 50, kilograms and 70 kilograms and to have a quote chest girth of up to a hundred and twelve centimeters and that means her tits can't be too big right just better be big or she's going to fly away in space i also like this part additionally she must be able to run a kilometer in three and a half minutes or

less swim 800 meters freestyle in 20 minutes and dive from a three meter springboard with an impressive technique previous acting experience was not really I mean. Though our actor, Yulia Paracild, has acted in quite a few Russian propaganda films. It's literally every movie in the description on the article is like, and then she started this thing, which told the story of Russia's great triumph over whatever in some battle. It's like In Glorious Bastards, right? In the movie scene at the end, she's that kind of actor.

So it'll be very interesting to see how she fares in this film, which I believe is called Gravity Part 2. So that'll be interesting. An unknown sequel. Tits in space. The cool war is going to be a race between like America's dumbest offering and Russia's hottest offering, which I like is,

I feel like that really encapsulates kind of each country's essence. You know, we're going to send our biggest idiot to space and they're going to send their finest, most athletic, big enough boobs, but not too big, boobin. Too big. Well, apparently, apparently aliens, are really into big breasts.

So they have to make it just so that they don't get some sort of a alien attack. They don't want to receive any laser beam assaults in space. So they said those boobs, you got to keep them. You got to keep them hit. I can't believe they're going to film a movie in space. Can you imagine

being on the crew for this? Be like, I don't want to go to fucking space. Maybe everybody wants to go to space. I have no interest in going to space. I do not want to go. I do not want to puke. And it sounds like, make inducing to me and I just don't want to do it. And they're going to make all these people go hang out in space for Tom Cruise to do some

shit that he could do on a soundstage in L.A. The thing is that I know that it's by and far not the same thing, but it was difficult enough to keep shooting during a pandemic on Earth. It was difficult enough for everyone to keep their masks on on set. It was difficult to keep everybody separated, how much money they had to pay to put everybody up to keep them quarantined, then what is the expense to send everybody to fucking space? Well, that's the ultimate quarantine.

And I know that it's NASA and SpaceX are working with the Hollywoodies that are sending them up to space. But like, there are a lot of other things we need to be spending our money on that could help people? I mean, we got to show Russia that we've got to. They got them big old tech nuts, you know what I'm saying? And the best acting at the same time. I think it's important.

If only Kubrick were still alive, so you could fake the whole thing. Oh, my God, that would be great. Send him out to Vegas. I just really didn't know that the Cold War was going to come back around. I mean, I know that it ended in, what, 91? I know that the 90s are now resurging, so maybe that's what it is. They're going to start pulling back from the media of like, oh, what other destructive things happened in the 90s?

All right, yeah, I don't know. Let's bring him in. Where's George H.W. Bush? We contribute to this because we're over here playing on Ruckaroo and, you know, it's the 90s nostalgia. The 90s nostalgia will kill us by bringing us back to, I guess, the race to just have an actor die in space. There is no way that this is going to meet like union workplace safety conditions.

No. But then at the same time, you know I'm going to fucking see. the shit out of this movie. How could you know? Yeah, space movie. Well, if it's like, honestly, though, I bet it's going to be kind of like Tenet. And if that's the case, then I will actually probably refuse to see this.

Are you just assuming it's going to be like Tenet because you hate Tenet? Also, Tom Cruise made it a whole big, dumb stink to go see that movie in the theater. And I have a feeling that he's one of the only people if you ask me, be like, brilliant. I loved it. I want to make a movie in space just like it. and then I would be like, fuck you.

That movie sucked ass. I liked the remake of the Ninja Turtles movies better than that movie. By far, by the way. Rock Stadium B-Bop in that second remake of the Turtle. Yeah, I really enjoyed. I honestly, can I just throw it out there? I'm not a big, I'm not a big Bay Bay,

you know what I mean, a Michael Bay Bay Bay Bay. Oh, Michael Bay. I'm not a Michael Bay Bay Bay Bay. For sure, I do not generally appreciate a lot of his stuff, but, you know, in the way he apparently, I guess, abuses his actors and crew. But I will say that those teenage union trolls, I mean, get fucking hammered like I did with our friend Julia and go see it in the movie theater and just not remember it. But they were great.

They were great movies. I'm glad that you enjoyed them. And I hope you also enjoyed my hashtag. I made up for this called, Cher. Oh, no, she didn't, bull. Chernobyl. Right. Churnoble, she didn't bowl.

I would almost say, chur-o-noble. Chir-o-no-bo. Chir-o-no-bo. Or sure-no-b bullshit. Oh, churn-o-bo-shit. Oh, churn-o-bo-shish. How do you say your first one again?

Because I've tried to figure out where it fits in with the syllables. Hashtag, uh, churn, oh, no, she didn't bowl. Right. Right. Now, how difficult is that? It feels like, that feels like when you're in a neighborhood and you're like, God, there's a lot of speed bumps in this neighborhood. That's like what that hashtag felt to me.

There were a good amount. I feel like, God, why do they need this many? Well, sometimes you like to feel your ass, the bottom of your ass, hit the ground. And, uh, I mean, it is a butsummer buck, baby. There it is. It's our butt summer fuck. There's just so many eloquently stated little lingo lines in this episode. I just love it.

It's poetry. It rolls right off the top. Killing it. But fuck summer. Sure. Oh, no. did it bowl and all that is just yeah but then how do we feel about genjuman you guys i don't like it benedically gengerman i love gengerman so much no doesn't roll off the tongue it's too like it sounds like a

it sounds like you know the languages like i i studied check and in when i went to prague and it's like there's whole sentences that only have consonants you know that's what it reminds me of you know what i you know what i like that it denotes especially after reading this article about the history of Benifer, aka Gingement. They were Benifer back in the day. Their relationship crumbled due to the pressure due to the failures of maybe, I don't know, G. Lee. And what was the, I forgot that another, they did another movie after that that also bombed.

What's it called? Jersey Girl. Did it bomb? Is that a bomb movie? But I feel like they rose from the ashes and now they're Gingley. Just like the Phoenix on his back. He got his back. It was predicted.

They rose from the ashes of their crumbling relationships and all this past with the Papps and all this stuff. And now they're stronger than ever before. They were Benifer. Now they're Gingaman, which you know what? That sounds regal. That sounds like maybe I'm watching too much crown lately, so I just want everything to be royalty.

But yeah, that sounds like a regal title. Gingaman. But he's never been Benjamin Affleck. That's my problem with it, right? Like he's not Benjamin. It is true. And I know that's nitpicky of me. But if he is not Benjamin Affleck,

and that just does not have the same ring to it. Lo peck? I'm still a fan of Beelow, but I feel like everyone's upset with Beelow. Yeah, the Beelow sounds like something I put in the toilet after I had too much to post. You're a Beelow. Your whole essence is a Beelow then.

I have to go drop a Beelow. Uh-oh, guys, I feel it. I can tell it's exactly 45 minutes. since I ate my Chipotle, I'm going to have to run and go take a beer. No, you're like, oh. We got the results back, and I'm sorry to inform you, you have been. No. No.

I mean, that's what his heart might be saying after a couple of years. We won't know until. Do you believe in this love? Yes. I feel like we have to do a check-in now, because last week we were more cynical about this and said it was all a publicity stunt and this, that, and the other. do you believe in this love, MJ, and do you believe in love? Just period, MJ.

I mean, I, you know, I have gone on a real roller coaster, whiplash journey with Ben Affleck, really just since he has started dating J-Lo because I went from thinking he was a big, annoying piece of shit to realizing that I might like him. But then remembering that they met on the set of Gile, and that was a big plummet again. and now maybe liking them again, especially because Matt Damon seems to really like her and they do seem to be good friends, him and Ben. And so I think that this is an I want-to-believe situation.

Okay, Jackie, I know it's not conspiracy corner yet, but fuck it. Really? Do you believe? I, it was this article. I sent this article to MJ and Holden. It's on page six called Why Benefer 2.0 is the real deal. Jay Love was obsessed with Ben. and I read through it.

And the thing is, is that when they were a couple originally, I, you know, was still, we were all fairly young. I have never thought about their relationship at all. And then reading through of, like, how she, like, rose to stardom so fast and that no matter what, like, no matter how much money he got, apparently Ben Affleck has always just been like a have a beer, chill kind of dude that is way more laid back than she is. and reading about the essence of their relationship,

even for example about how like, which I forgot about how Ben Affleck got kicked out. He got a banned from a Las Vegas casino for card counting. And he went and he taught J.Lo's mom how to gamble. And then they went to Atlantic City together. And like all these like these instances where people would be like, oh, J-Lo would show up with Ben Affleck and she would actually be way more. more chill and normal because being around him brought out that down to earthness in her that

she seemed to have been lacking. And I think I love them. But this article also says that his ego is bigger than hers and then he was very upset about Gile thinking. I know. And so he was jealous of her. And I, that to me, there was a lot of things in this article that did make me like him. It's like Ben Affleck is like on this journey to like make himself charming and appealing

even though he is like an objectively not charming person. It was 20 years ago. Yes. And I imagine they've both grown. Yes. And he was a little boy back then and maybe he's he's better now. I just I get like huge red flag when I hear about a guy who is jealous of. I'm just like, don't be with Jennifer Lopez if you can't handle stardom, dick, you know.

But now I feel like. like maybe they've both, because that is my argument for why they rose with ashes like the Phoenix on his back, is that, yeah, they both have spent the last two decades, you know, learning how to navigate this celebrity space. And we all know that, like, I mean, J-Lo, you know, she's done some weird stuff. She had that guy kidnapped, remember, in the photo and the,

I mean, that was interesting, you know, but they, and Ben Affle like everybody loves to talk and donuts. Remember that was a, remember, was it a celebrity conspiracy, I think maybe? It was a picture of her, workout room and it looked like a man was like bowed and gag. Yeah, yeah. But I think both of them have like even all my blind items about J-Lo, I talk about how I'm like, I'm not, I don't actually dislike Jennifer Lopez, but all of her blind items are so funny and like make her more human. So I always bring them in because

it's like, oh, she parked her like little dune buggy in the wrong place and tried to get out of getting a ticket or she has a man bound and gag. workout room. I don't know how that makes her more down to earth, but it just does. So she's become more fun and fun. Like she doesn't have, you know, like say maybe a lover or her hater,

Chrissy Tegan kind of vibe. Like she has a very, I think, likable vibe. Ben has a very likable vibe. I think they earned that over the past two decades since they broke up. I think they earned an unlikable vibe in their relationship because it was just like, no one loves like,

I think people don't love a celebrity power couple. I think they want to rip them down as soon as they can. Yes. And also honestly. There's something about it. Maybe it's when they're making flops together. It's like when a celebrity couple gets together and then it's like, oh, and you only

put out dog shit, maybe you guys should break up. Maybe creatively, this is not a hot idea. Maybe being a little love lorn helps you guys make better work. That said, over the past two decades, done a lot better job navigating. I think that social space, that publicity space, they're actually ready to be Gingaman. They're ready to now. Instead of before, I don't think they were ready to be Benifer.

think they realized what that was going to take and entail. So I don't know. I think I support this as long as they don't make... Actually, no, I kind of want them to make another Gile. Never mind. Yeah. Hopefully it would be very different. That's the thing.

Gile is the complicating factor in all of this because it cannot be overstated what a bad movie that is, but also what great enjoyment I got from watching it. it's like it is the ultimate, like, terrible but good movie, you know? Like, I cannot think of a better example of a movie that is that. And so it's, it really fuels the kind of ambivalent feelings I'm having because it's like, it's like hate and love all wrapped into one. It's just very complicated. And the fact that that was the base from which this all, the roots from which this love grows is,

it just is very, very hard to sort out what this all means when you think about Gile. I hear you. And also what you were saying before, MJ, about his ego and everything and how that, but I just feel like it takes someone, and this might be a yucky thing to say, but I feel like it takes someone that egotistical to match someone that egotistical. Yeah. Like all of the stories about J-Lo are a lot of, like, she kind of looks down on other people. She definitely knows she's J-Lay-Ly.

which fair. Look at her. She's in her 50s. She works out every fucking day. She doesn't drink caffeine. She doesn't drink booze. She is a very disciplined person. And I feel like if I was that disciplined, I would probably look down at other people at least a little bit. Like if I looked like that in my 50s, I'd be like, yeah, look at it. Look at me. And I've had children. I quake. I quake to you.

And I think that she kind of needs a Ben Affleck to be like, like, I don't quake to you as he serps a beer, you know? And he doesn't, she's over here not drinking caffeine. Meanwhile, the man's always carrying four donkeys. He's Mr. Donkeys. And I do need to give a shout out to Brenda, who wrote into page seven podcast at gmail.com, who included a beautiful story about running into Ben Affleck. And she said that she also had a difficult decision of like she never really cared one way

or another about Ben Affleck, hot or not. And in the late 2000s, it was when Ben Affleck was married to Jennifer Garner. One day, she said I was tasked to deliver two huge boxes to her house. Not sure how the boxes even fit in my trunk, but they barely did. Long story short, she has these two huge boxes. She rolls up to Jennifer Garner's house, rings the bell, and a man answers the ring. And she's like, hey, I got these boxes. They're really big.

I can't get them up the stairs. And he's like, are you sure? There's no one to help you. And she's like, yeah, I really just need your help. And she's like, I could hear him roll his eyes over the intercom. And she said, the man's voice sounded really annoyed. And I explained again that the boxes were really heavy. She said, I couldn't help but roll my eyes that the man was giving me attitude when I was just trying to do my job.

And the boxes were really heavy. And she says, I never really thought Ben Affleck was hot. Maybe kind of cute, but never hot, like my husband. been Henry Cavill, but in person, he is hot. Never imagined he would be so tall and muscular. The way he just carried these boxes, because apparently he came downstairs, he apologized and smiled at her. I was like, of course I'll help you.

And, like, essentially insinuating, like, he was just in the middle of something. Charmer. And then he picks up both of the boxes as if they weighed zero pounds, gave her a smile, and thanked her for delivering the packages, and then he went back inside. So he's just like hulking dude. And I forget, I think we all forget that Ben Affleck is really big. Yeah, that'll do it. That'll make up for a lot of deficits.

Yeah, and thank you, Brenda, for sending in this story and for sending in your love because I forgot, too, how Bickey is. He doesn't even look at my type at all. What is happening to me? What is this slide I'm on? Is it because of the but summer of fuck? I think so. Yeah, we might not be in our 20s, but we're still vulnerable to the weird energies of But Summer. Oh, fuck.

We're over here feeling horny for Ben Affleck. Yeah. And I mean, especially when we did the 10 Things I Hate About You episode, it also made me weird horny for, well, I mean, we did the pop history on 10 things I hate about you. I was talking about my love for David Crumholz. But speaking of, I did also, I know we're not even at the shoutouts yet, but I did want to bring up another story from someone that wrote in because I don't know if we've ever talking. about Andrew Keegan's cult on here. But I believe we have, right? Sounds familiar.

Because I definitely looked into it before because it is closed by and I have thought like, I could just roll in, right? But I've always been too scared to do it. But there was a one person named Sophia who didn't seem too scared to do it because she wrote in and told us about her the time that she went to go visit Andrew Keegan. cult in Venice Beach. She says, so every Sunday for the rest of the summer, we met up with full circle Venice, which is the name of the cult.

It took place in an older church building that had been painted on the outside with giant psychedelic murals of colorful crystals and geometric shapes. Inside, there was a lot of open space with light coming in the stained glass windows. The weekly services were similar in that we would all sing, always a different simple song, usually about loving each other in the world, then we would. would pass around a microphone and state what we wanted to, quote, activate in ourselves for the week. After that, there was a speaker. The speakers changed from week to week, and you could never tell what to expect. Once, there was some woman speaking about Black Lives Matter in Los Angeles.

Another time, we had an ecstatic dancer who worked with inner city children. Another time, it was a woman who, honest to God, said she spoke to Crystal Skulls, and they spoke back to her. I would say we got a very broad education here. Andrew and his partner and baby were always there, and he made it a point to never be like the leader or the star of the show. Mostly he was like an MC, telling others about future full circle events and handing the mic off to the next speaker. As for the other events, Sam and I never made it to any of those,

and I know that shortly after I left L.A., the owners of the church sold the building, so full circle isn't meeting there anymore. I joined it to have a great story and get a lot of, a little bit of a culty scare, but it honestly was a great bit of peace and community in a city where it's easy to be lonely. Because that's how they get you. That's how they get you. When you're lonely, that's how they get you. She does go on to say people came in from all walks of life, truly. Actors, entertainers trying to get Andrew's attention. We're singing along with homeless people who had walked up from Venice Beach. And every now and again, someone would

bring a dog and let it roam around the church so we could pet it. And man, if Andrew Keegan lets a dog run around his cult, it can't be all bad. Thank you so much, Sophia, for writing in. Because I have always wondered. I've always been curious, and it seems like it is, or I don't know if it is, you know, this was in 2016, so who knows what it is now, but that's where it was. But this is the thing, as we all have watched all the docs, it always starts with the love, it starts with community.

And that's what scares me the most. I can't believe I have not fallen into a cult yet. I am so susceptible. Well, if it sounds great. Basically what was just described is like a community center where there's like great art programming and community building stuff. And all of that is very, very good. It's just the like Andrew Kagan is your leader part where it gets a little bit weird.

So it's like that's why cults. And to me, honestly, even not to compare these two things, but I've always, I'm surprised I haven't converted to an organized religion because the community part, Like all of the, it's just community building and like great events. Who doesn't like that? It's just then sometimes they get in and it gets a little weird. Although Andrew Keegan seems, you know, nice, nice enough. But who knows?

Who knows? And I feel like it was hard. I think about him. I think about Devin Sawa. I think about JTT. I think about those guys who were like star. It wasn't like they were the first wave of like, you know, tiger beat stars. But-

You were just our generation's wave of it. They were our generation. And, you know, we all have had a rough up and down time of it, figuring out how to become an adult and, like, settle into your 30s. But then you got to do that and have everyone to be like, you're Andrew Kiggin from 10 things I hate about you. And, you know, I'd probably start a cult too. I'd be like, stop asking me questions about 10 things I hate about you and join my cult.

Join my cult. And I mean, we did watch him grow in Camp Nowhere, so we know that he is capable of it. So who knows where he is now? But, you know, I do kind of want to seek it out. I'm not going to seek it out. But what if I did? Don't seek it out, Jackie. You're going to get really, really into it if you go.

I just feel like a celebrity cult, wouldn't that be the best thing for my career? You know? I mean, yes, out here maybe. Well, this is the problem. It's like agents now. It's like, oh, dear, you William Morris, then you can't talk to it. You know what I mean? And it's like, oh, are you the Kegan?

Then you can't mess. You know, then the Scientology people mad at you or whatever, right? And it just goes back and forth. So now you can't even, yeah, now it's like sports teams, these colts out here. I've got a couple of colts that have been kind of we've been dabbling with and that are courting us right now. We haven't decided which cult we're going to go with. There's this one where you drink your own blood.

and personally I kind of like the taste of blood, so I think I'm going to go with that one. And then Lexi likes, Lexi likes this other one, but it involves like a lot of piss play. And I'm just like, I don't think I want to piss on a bunch of strangers. I want to know the people I piss on. What if they pissed on you first? Oh, apparently it all happened.

Yeah, it's just crazy the way it goes on in this. Yeah, apparently there's knowledge in your urine. And if you put the knowledge on other people, then they absorb the knowledge. And once you piss on someone else, you have to say no, no, piss backs or else they're going to mean No pissing on you. They'll piss, yeah, yeah. You know, and you have to be like, yeah.

And they have to. And they'll be like, you know, and somebody was like, I think it's time to take the next step. And I was like, what does that mean? He was like, what do you think about the number two? No. I got to get out of it. Are we?

I feel like we're starting our own cult right now. And I think it sounds pretty good. Yeah. And ours, you just smoke a bunch of weed and you drink white claws or whatever spike salts or you want. Right. You know, and it's, and I, you know, you know, you might have to drink a little blood. I'd say you drink a little bit of blood.

So you want to, you want to mix the two cults that you're both cordial right now? I think I'd mix the cult. Well, we don't have to do any pee or anything, but I'd say you have to drink like a thimble of blood once a-a-bill's not bad. I can drink a thimble of almost anything. Just to prove that you're not fucking a cop, you know what I mean? Like, just to prove you're not a fucking rat, you know, you got to drink a little bit of that blood. Yeah, you got to get you back. cheese, don't you?

I just hate the whole cold thing because it's like even if it's pure, it's like this whole bravado of like, we have the secret. It's the same thing as when I get mad at people who think they're the only people who found love and they're in the honeymoon phase. And then the when you talk to them,

they're like, they think they learned some secret to happiness that like no one else has ever known before. And it's like, you're just in the honeymoon phase. The person's shit doesn't stink yet. And so that's all that's happening right now. you didn't like decode some secret in life, all right? Like, is there just sit there and they're all gloaty and stuff?

They think, like, no one else has been... Are you talking about me right now? It's been three and a half years, all right? Right. Like, discovered this secret to happiness that is being in the honeymoon phase with somebody for one month. And I'm still obsessed with them, okay? I am. They're just impossible to be around.

That's what cult people are like to me. Whenever I see these cult documentaries, it always starts with people being like, so, like, they're all giggly and shit. because they think they've just like figured out something. They got the secret. They're so clearly like into themselves in a way that I just hate. It's like sometimes feelings of self-loathing and, you know, paranoia and anxiety. Sometimes these are necessary, maybe, to build a human that's not annoying.

But this is why I'm so vulnerable to cults because I would love to lose all of those feelings. That would be great. I have no interest in keeping them. I've had enough. and I would absolutely join a cult that would take them away from me. I want to know the secret. Someone tell me the secret.

I'm a firm belief. The secret is to have those elements. The secret is to like have all of the elements. And that makes you a decent human being. If you don't have any of that stuff, then you just become an asshole. Then you just become an annoying cult person. You're like, oh, are you sitting there on your hamster wheel?

Well, I figured it out. And this guy, all I have to do is drink has come twice a week. And I get to go, and I get to live with the Glebo's on Lulu Planet after this. It's our Lulu Lemon Planet. So I'm having a great time right now. We jump rope. It's jump rope. So we're going jump rope.

It's just like, fuck all. Everyone's maniacally jump robbing. We have to keep jumping. Why does the man dressed in like a goat have to whip me while this happens? Like, well, it's part of the process. And then all of a sudden they get busted because they start, you know, banging each other inappropriately and stuff like that. And then it's like, oh, was it all bullshit?

Oh, and was your relationship inevitably going to become like everyone else's because eventually you have to fucking fight and shit and like deal with each other for real and not just like the best version of each other. Fuckface. Yeah. I know. You didn't figure out the secret. Someone's going to happen in LA for a month. He's got a real bone to pick with the cults. Holden spent the morning at the DMV.

So he's got DMV sauce all over him. D-F-V vibes from here. That's why I'm mad we didn't get a shit on Ellen. That was what I really wanted to do. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, Ellen, I just like, with all this shit, man, that she's, like, she's just essentially not challenged by her show anymore. That's so funny.

You're a bitch and you fucked up and all your ratings are tanking. And now you're going to weirdly, like, try and say that, like, the toxic work environment of your show was, quote, unquote, orchestrated. What are you fucking talking about? Yeah, that was real dumb. She didn't have to do any that. She just had to peace. I know.

She literally didn't have to. Why would you? I like how this whole article was like, girl, don't go on Oprah. What do you fucking do? Just fucking get out. Or go on Oprah and cry and admit you fucked up. Don't go on Oprah and then just triple down on being an asshole by being like, none of this exists. It's all bullshit.

It's just people are out to get me. And she's done this over and over again. It really is at a point where it's like, you got to, like, you are now. actually destroying your career. You got to chill out. Yeah, don't say any of this. Go away for at least a year. Come back with a stand-up special.

I think people will be fine. And she compared it to like when she came out. And I feel like that was really manipulative. Yeah. I was like publicly humiliated and like couldn't get work after I came out. And now the same thing's happening again. And it's like, okay. For being.

Okay. Because I came out because I was out in as a bitch. Right. By the way, I just want to throw this out there because I think this is the part where I bashed my head. against a little bit. I think there is some dumb shit going on. Like you're allowed to be an asshole boss. Sure. Like you are, whatever. You're fucking allowed to be. But at the end of the day, it's because you're the be kind person. And this is the thing that everyone gets confused on.

Now, I was thinking about this a lot lately. People are mostly getting canceled because they're being one thing and then clearly being a hypocrite and not going, you know what? That's how a lot of people get the acts, right? Sometimes someone just says some racist shit and they get canceled and that's one thing. but it's not because, like, Ellen could be an asshole, but, like, admit she's an asshole. And I think a lot of people would give her a pass. It's the part where you're like, be kind to one another. I'm the be kind lady. Everyone be nice to each other.

And then everyone's saying you're a fucking asshole to work for. That's when, that's why you're here. You're not here because, like, just purely being an asshole, in other words, you know what I mean? And I actually feel like the Ella, like, and she tried to do that too. in the Savannah Guthrie interview, she was like, oh, it's like, all this is just happening because I said be kind. And then I like wasn't perfect all the time.

And so now that's coming back to haunt me. Like, no, you were, have a reputation for being an asshole. It's not because you were an asshole once. Yeah, first of all, this is like you were, and she tried to be like, well, there are so many people who work here. How could I know? So she's totally exonerating herself

from like the workplace allegations. But there was also some other things that happened that people were upset about with her. Like her praising George W. Bush and her like being cool with like having Kevin Hart on to like rehabilitate himself when he about like him using like, you know, homophobic slurs and things like that where it's like, okay, the whole be kind thing falls short when you are not willing to take a stand about anything. So like I feel like her whole thing was like, I'm just so kind. I'm just so fun. And then, you know, that might have worked for like a

long time. But we are reaching a point and we even, it's like in pop culture, you can't actually go on and not have a stand on anything because some things matter. And like, she's just trying to be like, yeah, I'll have Kevin Hart on, yeah, I'll have George W. Bush on. Yeah, I don't know about any workplace negativity. And somebody should have told me.

And then if they did tell me and I didn't do anything, well, what was I supposed to do? It was like a big workplace. It's just like nothing. She's trying to stand for nothing. And it's like, that's not kindness. That's nothing. That is like absolute dog shit.

No, and down to use the word misogynistic as well that like all of this is. happening because she's held to a higher standard because she's a woman, which, no, this is a human being thing. I think it comes down to the fact that it seems like also you were, it seems, more aware of the toxic work environment that was going on underneath you, and it was easier for you to shut a blind eye to it and just be a bitch and stay on. And I'm not saying that she knew maybe necessarily what was happening.

But when these things came up rather than victim shaming and victim blaming, these people should have been fired. Or investigation should have immediately happened. Right. If your name is on that show, it's on that building, you are responsible for hundreds of people's jobs. You need to make it a safe work environment. It has nothing to do with you being a woman. It doesn't matter. You should make it a safe work environment.

You should work to remember. But it's also this idea where even we're talking about this with Jenjiman that like she's been famous, very wealthy for a very long time. And she's out of touch. Right. And she needs to realize this. And even what we're seeing with all of this is she's not learning anything. Right.

Yeah. Right. And that's what's so frustrating. Right. It's so frustrating when it's like you were such a. a role model. And she still is a role model in many other ways,

but not when it comes down to running your own company. You know what? But also, can we just, I think people just want honesty. Yeah. Like, a known asshole was elected president

fucking four years ago. Like all literally people actually want to hear for the most part is like, yeah, I'm a bitch. Yeah, or I made a mistake. I've had to go through a lot. Yeah.

Like, I'm a power boss. Or I made a mistake and I feel bad about it is even better. But even if she's, even if she didn't apologize and was literally just like, yeah, it's fucking hard. There's a lot of pressure. I'm kind of an asshole. Yeah.

It's, you know what I mean? Like, and I actually, A, I personally wouldn't fault her. I don't think a lot of people would. I think just a small pocket of people would after that. But it's the loudest pocket. This is the issue. Yeah. So it was reverber.

And also just the issues too with, you know, the toxicity in the workplace when it comes to, like, minorities and stuff. That's it. So I'm not, I'm not including any of that. I'm literally just. the part where she's like, I'm actually, I'm an angel and none of this is true.

Like, this is all a conspiracy. Against me. What the fuck you're talking about? Speaking of conspiracy. What? Do you be believing? Is Lord's melodrama album actually about an affair she had with her producer,

Jack Antonon? Dun, done! I love that album. Yes, I love melodrama too. And we're going to break it down a little bit. here. This one comes in from Alex. Alex is going to help us break it down. Alex says, Love you all at all that you do. I know that we are all Lord stands. Red in the way, Jackie says, Stombs. Stom! Even though I am out to get you, Holden.

Yes, you are. Even though you purposely say it like that to manipulate me. Nipulate him. Yes. And her album Melodrama absolutely slaps, agreed, and got myself and many people through tough breakups. However, some of the songs, lyrics, and themes of melodrama, seemed a little suspect to Twitter user at Buzz Killery. Buzz Killery, if you want to follow this account that provided a lot of this information. They made a 29

slide to PowerPoint deck outlining the theory that melodrama is more than just a breakup album. It is actually an album about Lords of Fair with her producer, Jack Antenop. Of course, Jack Antonoff, who produced also a lot of Taylor Swift's stuff. He's an amazing worker. He's also in fun. He's

incredible. He's apparently wonderful to work with. And wonderful. I really love Jack Antensoff, but he had an affair. Please find the PowerPoint deck here, but I've summarized the findings below. I just love theories like these. I don't even know if I believe it. But in mid-2015, Lord and her boyfriend of three years, James Lowe, who started dating a 16-year-old Lord when he was 24.

Yucco. They broke up. Yeah, I did not know that, by the way. Lord and Jack Antonoff met briefly the year before at a Grammy's party, but in July 2015, they began writing and producing melodroman. in Jack's apartment that he shares with long-term girlfriend, Lena Dunham. In spring of 2016, Lord basically moves in with Jack and Lena. This is confirmed from quotes from Lena saying, quote, Ella, which is Lord's birth name,

and Jack worked on most of this album in our apartment, and it was a privilege to watch her create and feed her little snacks. Lord is quoted by saying, quote, Lena's not really an award-winning cook. There was lots of postmates. Wow. Right? In April 2016, Lord and Jack go to coach. Shella together, and Lord is inspired to write sober and sober too.

Lord has a tweet saying, quote, I'll never forget writing the first demo. It was like a trance. I guided Jack to the chords almost wordlessly with my hands on his shoulders. All right. The lyrics of sober and sober two could definitely be seen as an illicit steamy affair. This is the lyric. They'll talk about us and discover how we kissed and killed each other. Played it so nonchalant, it's time we dance with the truth.

The truth. I know you're feeling it too. Can We Keep Up with the Ruse? I know this story by heart. Jack and Jill get fucked up and possessive when it gets dark. Jack, interesting. But that makes a lot of sense. That's such a good song.

It's such a good song. And March 2017, Lord performs Greenlight and Liability. Ugh, another banger. I love those songs. This is the album that got me through my big relationship. Yeah, and I wasn't going through a breakup, but this album just spoke to me too. I loved this album. I was happy in love when this album came up,

and I continued to be happy in love, and I know you sort of have your romance issues or whatever, and I feel bad for you. Me? I know the secret, but I have a secret of love. Oh, my God, I forgot you have this secret. That's why we have you on the show. I drink her blood.

No! Greenlight liability performed for the first time on Estes. Now Lord is wearing a wedding dress, leaning against Jack while he plays the piano. It's weird. Speaking of Green Light, some more cheating-sounding lyrics are introduced, quote, and I want to scream the truth.

She thinks you love the beach. You're such a damn liar. Add Buzz Killery theorizes this isn't about getting cheated on. It's about the heartbreak of someone not being able to be with someone publicly. The green light is Jack and Lena breaking up so they can be together. More lyrics from the album. Quote, bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark, the writer being Lord and the Rue her being Jack.

Now she's going to play and sing and lock you in her heart. Melodrama is released in June 2017. Jack and Lena publicly split in December of 2017 and quote had been breaking up for six months. You do the math. Overall, my theory is that melodrama is a blend of feelings about her ex cheating on her, their breakup and her finding comfort and love in an exciting, drunken, and emotionally troubling rebound slash affair with Jack. I feel for Lord throughout this. She was like 18, 19 years old at the time and heartbroken and Jack was 13 years older than her.

Bad on him both for doing it in the home that he shared with Lena though. Even though Lena sucks, you never deserve to be cheated on. True. Thoughts Alex. So do you believe? You know what? I do. Yeah, I think I believe.

It sounds pretty airtight. Just because I want to watch the tape, though. I know. And because, like, it does bring, because I love melodrama so much, I feel the album, not the real life. It does, like, imagining, like, her going through that, which, all right, it probably didn't happen. But imagining her going through that as she's writing it makes me love. that album even more. And yes, the second I am done recording this, I'm going to listen to the entire album, because I haven't listened to it in at least a month, and it's time. Yeah, I have not

heard it in quite some time as well, and I agree. M.J., do you believe? I think I got to believe. Like, it sounds so airtight to me. It doesn't even sound like a conspiracy. It just sounds like actual, like, evidence presented in a PowerPoint. I'm so... Fuck it. We believe. Let's get to the shoutouts in the list. Shows. Shout Shout it all out These are the emails That you wrote it about

Come on You are shouting them to you Come on We hope that they're true Now I got to go through A quick little ditty Out to my librarians From last week

If you recall Shout out to librarians Oh we heard from them And I picked down some people to give shoutouts to you. I want to give it a shout out to Morgan, who is recently minted librarian class of 2020. Congrats, congrats. Who apparently just says had a great time becoming a librarian. She said a ton of our classmates and librarians I have met since our LGBTQ plus and the coolest people.

And we went to really fun queer spaces and avoided the gross fratty bars. And love it. I'm here and again another one. Apparently, Dreia, amazing Dreia, amazing librarian, does not party. However, smokes a shit ton of pot. Sounds like you can roll with us. And it also sounds like you can roll with Ashley. The librarian who says my personal experience from my Master of Library and Information Science cohort is that about 50% were down to rage and about 50% were extreme introverts who actually struggled a bit upon realizing that, library school would require so many group projects. I like that she also gave a shout-out. She said, I like to think that sexy as fuck Rachel Weiss in The Mummy is the new library and stereotype. And 100%.

And I do love, she brought up, remember the days of MJ getting toilet flushed at least once an episode for getting too political? Oh, how we have grown and how things have changed. And also, last but not least, to Demyg. We love you, De Meag, our librarian arms. And she says, I'm getting my master's in library science. And you know I party. Enjoy whatever, jail.

Because working is absolutely amazing. So thank you to our librarians out there and to any librarians that didn't write in. Thank you for doing what you do. We need you. And we need your pure sexiness. Even if it's just for me to stare at you from afar while I read my sexy literature alone. in the corner. That sounds like I'm a creep, but I am.

I also want to give a shout out because Tim wrote in about his wife whose birthday is coming up. Straight to the point. He says, I want to give a huge birthday shout out to my wife Amanda, who is celebrating pandemic birthday to Electric Bugaloo and turning 31 this year. She was the one to get me into the shows on LPN as a whole and truly makes each day worth it. Also, she's essentially my own Jackie, since we've heard her say things that Amanda has said almost exactly a few times, and their vibes are pretty much the same. Anyway, thank you so

much to all for your magnificent content. Much belated congratulations to each of you, Jackie, from my engagement. Holden for Lil Spookers of MJ for being your true authentic self, no matter what. And our final shout out goes out to Morgan, that she wants to give a shout out to her best friend and Gemini twin. Uh-oh, it's Gemini season. I have even more Gemini's in my life than I do Tori in my life. So it is Grace's birthday on May 25th. Over the past year, we haven't really been able to see each other due to COVID and her living in Chicago and me living in Louisville. Not a day goes by, we don't talk, and we love chatting about page seven. Jackie, we think you are our long-lost friend. And congratulations to Baby Spookers and MJ. We're so proud of you.

to you all for providing entertainment and topics for our pen pal friendship. Grace, I'm so excited. You're getting your second dose soon. And then we could celebrate the way it was intended. Happy birthday to the treat y'allelf queen. Happy, I'm a, I'm a birthday. Happy birthday. Not yet, but very soon. And those are our shoutouts. Thank you guys for listening and thank you guys so much for writing in. You can totally hit us up at page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I love to read through them. I reply when I and I just love you guys so much and you guys make me feel so full and not like food full

but like spiritually full, but also food full and that's kind of nice. You guys just make me feel so full of food and I'm so thankful. But wait before you need more food, it's time for the list. Oh!

Who's on the list? Jack Gay, got to have that list. It's a weird one today, guys. I, this really probably shouldn't be on page seven, but I was so, I was so into this list that I felt that I needed to share. Yes, I'm talking about 15 extreme pieces of performance art. This, I found this when I was doing my research for rent and I was looking into over the moon and just the idea of performance arts. There's some weird ones on here, like Flesh, which is British artist Victor Ivanov and Lewis G. Burton took a huge amount of

chicken skin and sewed them together to create a body suit. Burton then wore it in public. They also made a mock exercise video wearing the suit as well as a line of merchandise that includes curtains and wallpaper. No, that's almost bridges into just doing comedy at that point. You know there's, no, it's performance art like being green. Holden for your comedy.

This is also a comedy bit. This is a comedy bit. Yes, go on. It is until it's not, though, because artist just Dobkin in 2009 painted herself green from head to toe, put on a Kermit the frog collar, and had her assistant, dresses Jim Henson, fist her on stage while she lip synced to it's not easy being green. I don't know of his calling. I was not expecting that. Yeah, that is interesting. Now I realize like, oh, she's not wearing any clothes. She's not wearing

any clothes. She's not wearing any clothes. And his fist is inside of her as she's seen. See, this is the joke. that everybody always wants to make about puppets and she just went ahead and did it. She did it and it's art. It was, this is art for them and, you know, there's certain different kinds of art. Performance art, have you ever

seen weird performance? Like, I've definitely seen ones with like the, you know, like with things inside of their pussy. Like I remember it was like someone was like writing in period blood as like the thing came out of her pussy. The scroll, yeah. The scroll, yeah, and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, I got to look up. She's a super famous artist

that I, when I learn about that. I was like excited and disturbed. Yeah, and also, you mean, you could be excited and disturbed by eschatology, the live stream cannibalism. Because in 2018, Latvian artist Arthur Bergenz live streamed a cannibal performance piece where two performers had a piece of their flesh cut off fried and fed to them. The artist said it was a metaphor about a consumer society consuming itself. No, I don't want that.

So it looks like it was taken from, the same area in their back. So you can see it on the right side. You see this little bloody chunk kind of missing. What was taken off of them. And you can also definitely see where the rooster penis performance got its name. Why did you? What does this have to do with this?

I hate this list. I hate this is a terrible list. Are you guys not intrigued? I mean, it's fine. This list is upsetting me. I'm sorry to want to upset you. It's like the Serbian film themed episode. Is it just me?

I forget sometimes. I'm the only one that likes your weird yucky kids. They don't want to, they just want to hear about Tom Cruise fucking a fish. I guess that could be performance arts. Maybe it is. You know, they don't want to hear,

oh, people eating their flesh and the rooster penis performing. The picture alone, I'm just mortified. It looks like a fucking Marilyn Manson video. I mean, can I just, or I'll just give you one more. It's called the Seed Bed, all right?

Because in 1972, Asanxi, A-C-C-O-E. I, I built a ramp in a studio, climbed under the floorboards, and masturbated for eight hours a day, while people walked across the ramp and listened to him monologuing his sexual fantasies

about them over a microphone. If that's not art, I don't know what is. Yeah. Carly Schneeman, by the way, is the person who did the scroll. And I feel like that was like the first time I learned about performance art.

And I just remember being like, I don't know why it's art, but I know what is. And I kind of just have like a blind faith. If you tell me it's art, I'll say, okay, it's art. But I don't think that guy tying his penis to a rooster is art. I'm going to say it, not art. I don't think it counts.

Oh, God. I didn't mean, I thought you were going to be like, whoa, that's crazy. I didn't mean truly disgust both of you. I thought it was going to be a little bit. I'm like, oh, I get why he chose this. And now I'm realizing I forget. I'm alone a lot in my own break. I don't know if I've said this to you guys,

but I lose myself sometimes to reading about things that upset me, and I forget, and I apologize to everyone. The last one's called shrapnel, the live circumcision. I wasn't going to read it. All of these are horrifying. I'm sorry. Vaginal knitting. I'm sorry.

It's one called Fire Angel. I think it's possible to do performance. art that isn't about your private parts, but these are all private part ones. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. What about the man that made a fire angel where he set himself on fire? You know, all these listicles are making me want to go blind. Oh, no, blind!

It's for the best that we can't see them. Yeah. Because we've been set of fire for our performance art. It's wrong with this is just... That's why I can't see it. Anyway, and there were a couple of like innocent ones and you skipped those. You know, I wanted to get to the meat.

Like the Maria Abramovich one, the Maria Abramovich one where they were supposed to walk all the way down the gray wall of China and meet in the middle and get married and then they got divorced instead. They got divorced instead. I mean, it's sad like everything else in this list, but at least it's innocent enough. There's no flesh.

I don't want as much flesh in my art. You know, the things people will do for art, you know? It's in it crazy. It's just like Genderman. All right. Here we go. This is the first one on the blind eyes. I feel like a piece of my soul.

Did I get it? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone. You know what? No, I'm not sorry. I'm living my truth. I'm not doing it.

I'm not, you know, stapling my pussy lips together. As you shouldn't. All right, here we go. Things aren't looking good for the cash grab of this former reality star slash athlete. The website she uses for donations just repeats the same 10 donors in their amounts in a continuous loop. There are no donations coming in. The donations would be for a political.

Oh, God, Caitlin Jenner. Yes. A recent poll shows that Jenner is supported by just 6% of registered voters in her run for governor of California. Thank God. Yeah, a nightmare. Can't be the governor of California. Just a nightmare. I'd be so sad to have just moved here and have that happen would be so.

So, such a bummer. You know it has nothing to do. No, it has to do with her politics. It has to do with her affiliations. A nightmare. She's a nightmare. She's a nightmare. No.

I think one of the worst things for the trans movement is actually Kate Lingerie. She's the ultimate, like, pull the ladder up. I mean, it was, you know, there's no question. It was very brave for her to come out when she did. Everything she's done since then has been absolute dog shit. Yeah, yeah. It's just a nightmare. So there you go.

there's the first one. That's a fun. That's a simple one, right, Jackie? Very, uh, no, no blood or flesh being cooked. Are any of these also, I forgot, um, you know, speaking of last week's conspiracy theory, did you see that, um, Ariana Grande got married secretly yesterday? No. No. Came out. It literally just came out. No. Oh, my, oh, like you just saw it pop up or whatever. Oh my God. Of course, a fucking gorgeous, steal my moment. You're here. And she would purposely release the news when she knew we'd be recording knew we were recording. And knew we would be getting exactly to the point where I'd do blind guys.

She knew when it's his time to shine and now he can't think straight anymore. No. She married a guy named Dalton. Ugh, my eyes can't roll hard enough outside of my skull. A guy named Dalton. Oh, Dalton. Can we kill another horse today for fun? That's what she would do.

That's all you equestrians know that about your beloved Ariana. I'm going to very carefully tiptoe into this conversation and say that you actually have a lot of letters in your name in common with Dalton and it's kind of phonetically said Holden Dalton just cut to the core of me yeah she wants to oh she wants to marry me she wants to be me she wants it all baby and she ain't going to stop till she gets it all right if I can't have Holden I'll just get Dalton instead he's a he's a poor man's Holden he's a poor man's holding he's a poor coffee size from Starbucks last name have an ass All right. Here's the next one. This is interesting. This is interesting, but I have some thoughts about this blind. This blind coming in.

This network talent show isn't even trying to pretend that it is not rigged. They will do anything for ratings at this point. The mass singer. No. The voice. Fucking wrong. Period. American Idol.

Yes. America's got talent. American Idol. You're so wrong, Jackie. I need you to maybe actually. You're just upset because of Ariana. and I know that. All right, I know you're upset because of Ariana.

I may need you to, like, leave my zoo. You want me to go? You want me to leave? So, fans are saying that season 19 is rigged. This current season is rigged, citing there is the second chance event in which last season's runner-up, Arthur Gunn, was voted into the top 10 of season 19. Apparently this is because they say this is because last year it was a remote season and they wanted to give the contestants like another shot.

Many fans, though, feel this is just a sneaky way to get who they really wanted to win last season back into this season to get them to win, this Arthur Gunn. So they're forcing him back into the show. At the same time, I would also say if they're capable of rigging a season, wouldn't they have just made him win last year? Good question. it's a very good question. Right?

That was why the thought that passed my minute. I was like, well, if they're capable of rigging anything, like, why wouldn't they just rig it the actual time that they were eligible? But I guess maybe this is a rig. I just think it's like kind of annoying for, let's say, every new contestant in season 19. Like, what the fuck? We have to compete against people who already got to perform on the show, already have clout with the audience. I'd just be pissed. This just seems shitty.

I think if you were going to do a second chance thing, you should just have them all back for their own season. Don't bring them in for these other people who are newer are like on one track of proving themselves. It's kind of like when the last couple of contestants are joined the circle. Like they have no real shot, you know, which is why it was really smart what they did this last season because they repurpose two contestants,

whatever, spoiler alert. But that was one of those things about it. It's like you're kind of fucked that way. This is like the opposite. It's like you're kind of fucked because it's all based on voting based on their persona, the work that they've done. So if somebody got to perform for an entire fucking season, they're going to immediately have an advantage.

I don't know. I feel like reality shows do this a lot. Like tap chef does that. They'll bring people who already competed for like a whole season. And I'm like, yeah, that's not fair because you've already like had practice at this. But it. Are there audience votes? Are there audience votes though?

No. Right? So I think it makes it even worse when it's like, Yes, they did get a full season of practice. So I do agree that they are at an advantage. But like, this is audience votes based on, those audience votes are going to be based on your past performance. Yeah, if they already know you just better,

you're going to have more of an end, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's a greatest hit. Right, it'd be like a stand-up competition. And it's like one person who everyone's already seen on a TV show versus a new comic, they're just definitely going to have an advantage no matter what, right? Yeah. What do you think? Do you think it's rigged, Jackie?

Yeah. Who cares? Whatever with you. You better watch out. I'm going to make you do an art performance piece with me now. I don't know what it's going to be. I don't want to eat my dick flesh. Don't make me.

I don't want to eat touch my penis with my. I just assume it's going to be something or I don't want to like butt chug my pee or something. No, no. I think we'll call it we'll call the jimmies and be like, oh, what does that mean? I hate that. I hate that. And we'll fill your your butt with as much sprinkles as. is going to hold, and I'll sit the other way upside down,

will fill my vagina with as many sprinkles as I can hold. And then we can go, it's right in jimmies, and we'll pour them on people. All right, we will consider that. How about that? I'll give you a soft consideration. Table-out. That's good, because your penis is going to be very soft.

It will be never having to be soft. Oh, yeah, of course. Of course. This former A-list, mostly television comedic actors, says he spent nearly 200k on gifts to the A-List mostly movie actress and then blew him off and refused to give back any of the gifts. He says she has done it to others too. It's interesting that he'd be speaking out about this because he already got kind of

embarrassed by someone who wrote an article about him and like he was like almost canceled and then everybody was like actually that doesn't sound like you should be necessarily fully canceled for whatever happened. And the movie actress, man, it's hard. with her because she hasn't really been in the limelight lately, but she at one point was the hottest shit ever. She was like in the biggest like film franchise is the lead. She was doing a bunch of like Oscar bait movies. Scarlett Johan? No, she's just like you and me. She's really just like all of us. No, she's like so like all of us. Like she's just a day to day gal.

You know what I mean? I love that you guys can't think of it because that clue you would have guessed it right immediately two years ago. Remember she's the one that's like, I'm just like y'all. I'm just to goof him up. Oh, Jayla. Yes. Jennifer Lawrence. Yeah, she is out of my.

Even like, there were multiple headlines of like, see how Jennifer Lawrence reacted to Jengeman's news. I'm like, who gives a fuck about what Jennifer Lawrence is? What gives a shit? What is she? Yeah, she's been doing. But I didn't think it's pretty damning. This is kind of fucked up.

Taking nearly 200K on, but also with Z's, man, haven't you been embarrassed enough? This is like just another really. embarrassing romance thing? Why would you be speaking up about this? I feel like you would want to hide this back from the world. Wait, so he bought her, what did he buy her?

I guess he spent nearly 200K on gifts for her and then she blew him off and then just like didn't give any of it back. So she like received a bunch of gifts, ghosted him or whatever. And then he was like, hey, can I at least I gave you so much gifts, so much money.

And she's like, no, I keep. But you can't. If you're given those gifts, that's how, and you're, and, you know, your dick doesn't end up getting sucked or something happens. Like, well, you did it though. I feel like, yeah. Yeah. I would have this buried. You never say anything.

I would never bring it up. Especially after what already happened. Like, he's already become, like, the staple boy for, uh, embarrassing, like, kind of being like a cheesy creep. Yeah. You know what I mean? With that article that was written, like the last thing you want is another, like, I'm kind of lame. with the ladies. Yeah, it's like a little bit too much, but like, yeah, that's just, that's rough.

Just, just sit back a little bit. Don't spend that much money on someone. You don't even know if you, buying them gifts isn't what's going to make them want to fuck you, like, ever. Correct. Or maybe it will if they were like not a already incredibly successful in their own right movie star. I mean, I love a gift.

Yeah. Well, what can you buy Jennifer Lawrence that she doesn't already have? And she can't buy for herself. Or at least it's going to make her be like, I should probably fuck that guy. I didn't want to fuck him before. But this $100,000 dip really makes me realize the error of my ways. You know what I mean?

It's just not going to happen. All right. He can see again. I can see again. He can see again. And we are rocking this puppy home. I don't know how to talk anymore. But I will say thank you everybody for joining us.

if you'd like to help Jackie with, I would say, some of her issues, we were starting a GoFundMe for her. My issues are I don't have enough issues. So if you said to your issues, then I'll have more issues, and that's what the GoFundMe is for. The GoFundMe is to stop her from even considering

being a performance artist in her own right, to give her enough money, to distract her. That's what we're raising by far. To distract her from ever, ever even thinking about performance art ever again. And also to give her so much money that we can just say, you never bring up performance art again on page seven. I promise I thought it was going to go over better.

I know what? It's kind of nice. We've been working together for so long. It's nice to see the look of upsetting shock on both of your faces. I don't get to see it very often anymore. So thank you. You can still surprise. us after all these years.

Eating the flesh. And thank you guys so much for joining us today on page 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And Holden and I scream at each other every Friday over on Holden's Twitch channel, which is

Twitch.tv. Forward slash Holdenators ho. Every Friday, come check us out. We woot and we smile. Woo-ders. Yeah, that's my plug. She just did my plug form. me.

So I'll just say again, Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast, Twitch. dot TV, forward slash hold nators ho. Thank you so much. All your love and support and everything you write in that's so nice

that is read or not read on the show. Keep those conspiracy theories and blind items coming. Page, the number seven podcast at gmail.com. Page 7 podcast to gmail.com. I love it. I use it, obviously.

And if I haven't gotten yours yet, I either secretly hate you or I just haven't gotten into it yet. So we'll figure out which one is which. No, but honestly, thank you again, everybody for writing in and saying so many kind things.

MJ! My name is MJ and I am MJKL Kat on Instagram. Also, I do want to have a quick shout out this Sunday. If you're listening when this comes out, May 23rd at 5 p.m. PST, 8 p.m. EST. Come over to twitch.tv forward slash holdenators ho because we are going to have a gloss art stream. Oh, nice.

And I'll be posting on my Instagram the supplies that you need to get. And we're all going to learn how to paint a mountain skate picture together. So you should totally come join us. I'm so good at painting. It always looks just like it. It doesn't, but that's what's great about our community is that we don't judge and we're very loving of each other. So please come join it. Look at Jack That Worm, if you want more information on it. We love you, we love you, we love you. And we will talk to you next week. Hell yeah. Bye, everybody.

This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.