Page 7 - Ep. 407: Why Try? I'm Just Here to Have Fun!

Episode Date: June 17, 2021

GUESS WHO’S BACK, BACK AGAIN? *Spoiler alert* It’s MJ! This week we goss bout the sports we used to play, Batman being denied some sweet, sweet candy because HEROES DON’T DO THAT, Chrissy Teigen’s continued Twitter downfall, Wasabi the dog who's never bullied anyone, the Shit 'N Slide incident, FINALLY WE GOT A LISTICLE! And in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Are celebrity affairs orchestrated?!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This goes out to you, MJ. Times have changed, and times are strange. Here you come, but you ain't the same. MJ are coming home. Time's gone by, seems to be. You couldn't have been a better friend to me. MJ are coming home. You took me in and you made me laugh.

Yeah, you had me hypnotize. Lost and found and turned around by the fire in your eyes. Boo-doo, boo, because I do care about your sunshine, yeah. Cause M.J. You're coming home. Come at home. Thank you, Jackie. I'm cheering with my, I'm not supposed to lift my arm.

so I'm doing like a very small raising the roof. Tiny raising the roof. Welcome back and welcome to page seven. I really have been listening. I don't know if it's just like a Sabbath summer for me, but I've been listening to a lot of Ozzy lately. And I'm feeling it. Sometimes you get on that crazy train, you can't get off.

I should start listening to Ozzy. I think my husband would be very pleased if he's a big metal guy. And I've never once personally chosen to listen to metal, and maybe this is the summer I start? Ooh, for Hot Dad's Summer. Speaking of Hot Dads, Holden's here too. He's not a daddy quite yet, but...

I'm not a dad. Not yet a woman. Oh. I don't know. There's something in there. There's a movie in there somewhere. Yeah, but I did attend to my first birthing class yesterday.

I am prepared... Oh, are you ready to birth? I am prepared to drive what I now call my baby vessel to the hospital. Is that your... wife or the car. Good question. That would be my wife,

the vessel that will be splatting out my baby. Can she hear you right now? Because I'm scared for your safety. I'm just kidding. She's absolutely lovely and fantastic if she can't hear me right now. It's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Yes, I feel prepared for the hours of anguish that we are to be experiencing. It's so funny the whole thing of it. I bet Lexi thinks it's hilarious. MJ, how do you feel about it? Does it bring back funny memories? It does. They're not funny or fun, but they are memories.

The class is, you know, you're all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at the class, and then you're watching, and then you see, I had never actually seen a baby come out of a vagina before. There was a crowning photo, and it was so funny how they built it up. They were like, there was a big caution, PDF, and it was just like, just letting you know, we are about to show you a baby's head popping out of a vagina. Well, they never did that on TLC's a baby story. They just fucking showed it. Yeah, right?

They did? I was like, damn, this is a lot of, this is a lot of buildup from a hospital's, like, baby birthing class. I would assume they would just be like, yeah, and this is what her fucking inside of her tits look like. You know what even? It's like a cut open pair of tits. Also, that's why you're there.

Yeah, yeah. You go to the class so that you can see what it looks like when the baby comes out. Yeah, I think at 38 I'm good. I definitely saw a much more graphic display of what happens in seventh grade health class, I believe it was. So, yeah, I think I could handle, like, a head sort of emerging from a vagina without wanting to rip my insides out of my body. It was, but that was besides the point. I think the funniest thing was, like, yeah, it's like this amazing magical thing. And, yes, there's so much, like, love there, especially, like, when the baby comes out.

But for the most part, I'm just, like, everybody in all of these pictures look miserable. while showing the process of labor. It was just like they had these real pictures from like, you know, of actual people kind of going through it and the different, you know, positions to get into and stuff like that. I will just say it was fun to have some people to kind of like sort of peanut gallery a class like that because it is over like a sort of Zoom situation and our mics are muted. That definitely helped.

It was also really funny because I got to see how each of us was in high school. Oh, sure. you're not doing it, you're probably still not doing those things in person. Not in person still, yeah, because that makes sense to me. I feel like at this point technically we probably could, but A, way more convenient. Plus, we got to, like, order and eat Mexican food during the class, which, like, you wouldn't be able to do, you know what I mean, like things like that. Maybe they'll start doing birthing glasses slash restaurant.

Come on in. We'll shoot stuff out of a pussy and you can eat a talk. I mean, that sounds like a great themed restaurant. for very specific use cases, and therefore will fold pretty quickly, but a fun one. I'm not an entrepreneur. Yeah, I just,

it was nice to at least be able to like, kind of do that during it and be able to be like, make wise cracks and stuff, I think was kind of fun. Yeah. Just like the old days. Man, I'm glad I'm not in school anymore.

I got to say, no offensive, Jay. Yeah, I mean, grad school is, well, yeah, you know, the thing I actually miss about Zoom, like being on Zoom, the thing I miss about being in the room with people is being able to like make side-eye with people when something funny happens, you know? Like if somebody says something crazy to be able to like look at somebody else

and be like, you getting a load of this, you know? And I feel like, and I can't, but also I think that my primary experience during the parenting classes, which I, of course, did in person because it was pre-pandemic, was like just wanting to judge the other parents. Yeah. Like I think, you know, it was just like I just wanted to, I was in solidarity with Gideon. I felt just like I just went into it being like probably everyone else here sucks, which for some

reason is usually how I approach like any activity with strangers. And then by the end I'm like, other people are great. I don't know why I always go in assuming everybody sucks. But that just must be like the angsty seventh grader in me still. I think it's great though because I go in usually with the opposite or I'm like, everybody's going to love me. And then nobody does. And I'm like, I'll just, ah, oh, I'll be here. Yeah, that's always the worst. Oh, man. That reminds me of I had a bowling class, and I was like, fuck yeah, bowling class. Right? I'm gonna get just like, it's FSU.

It's like the most party and shithead class ever. I'm gonna get so high and go to this class. And they paired me with these two freshman girls. I was like a junior having the time of my life, like love and life. These two Frederick girls were obviously having a not fun freshman year. They were kind of, they were sort of dumpy and kind of like. I was very dumpy my freshman year and booze changed all of it. But were you miserable?

I don't care if you're dumpy, but just be a little fun at bowling class. I'm like, we're at fucking bowling class, and these two women, they were girls, the two girls were so mean to me and so cold, and I was like,

it's wacky fun bowling class, right, let's have some fun, let's crack some wise, let's get, you want to go to my apartment and get stoned. I live like two blocks away, let's go crazy.

And they were just like, nah, men, and they would like whisper to each other about me. They do that fucking thing. And I was like, this, are you kidding me? Can I get any other partner? I thought there's going to be like,

the fun, goofy class to the point where I should have been your partner, Holden. I got failed out. Jackie, I probably would have done this to you if you were with me at the time, like, as tight as we are now. I got my friend Stephanie to go with me to some of them because I was like, I'm so miserable in this what's supposed to be really fun, silly, goofy class that I took on purpose to like take a shithead class. Can you fucking, can we get high and go to this class together so I don't just have these two grumpers staring at me? Like they're not at bowling class right now. We're at bowling class. class. I want to know what story

grumpers are telling about there. Yes. Yes. Like how annoying I was. Ashole in bowling class. I still remember him. I was being so funny. I was being so friendly.

No, no, it was definitely one of those where I was trying to be like so friendly and so fun and just getting met with like icy cold stares. And it would have been one thing if we were in any other class. But I'm like, we're in dumb as fuck bowling class. Like, why did you take this class if you're this joyless?

Well, see, that was a problem is I failed out because I would get two stone before the class and then not go. Oh, you didn't do? I failed out of bowling class. Madeline and I both are failed out of bowling glass because we had an hour in between. And it was just enough time to get from campus back to our house to go get stoned. And then we would get so stoned to the point and be like, but do we got to go? I mean, it's bowling class. The thing is all you have to do with bowling class is show up.

That's it. You just have to show up. The guy said we might take a test. at the end and then we never did. Of course you didn't. It was awesome. And all you literally did, it was the whole thing of it was,

you just got to, you didn't bowl for free because you're paying thousands of dollars to go to college. But you got to bowl seemingly for free. I loved this. It was awesome, dude. I mean, I just, blinders ignored these two people

after a while. I was just like, they're lost cause. I can't loosen them up. It was almost the beginning of like a fun, like college comedy, right? where I get the two grumpers to, like, show a little flare and have a little fun, but then the part where they, like, become fun was lost on, I think, the plot.

It sounds, honestly, we're going to be talking a lot about the aughts and the different time that the aughts was versus now. This sounds like a romantic company from the aughts. It's like, I can change those two dumpers in the Queens. And that's why I was like, that's why I was just like, I was finally just like, Stephanie, just come with me. Like, we're going to get high at 10 a.m. anyways. My class is at 10.30. Just come hang out with me. I'm in a roll. I had a great time rolling.

I forget what my top score was, but I like got pretty consistently decent at bowling, you know, if you do it every day. That's because you have to, in order to get good at bowling, you have to play so much. Yes. And you can never afford to play so much. Yes. And so that's like there was, in my hometown, sometimes there would be these like weekends where it was like, pay $2 at the beginning of the weekend and then you can like have unlimited bowling. And only then could I ever break a hundred. because it's like I have to bowl for, it's like Malcolm Gladwell and the 10,000 hours thing,

it's like you have to bowl for eight hours before you can get good at it. I get so angry. I get so violently angry when I play bowling. When you play bowling? When I play a bowl. I'm a bit of a gutter ball, bitch,

as the all would say. And I would say, well, I want the gutter things in. You know, when everyone shames everybody about having the gutter things in, I like the gutter things. Yeah, the book. The anxiety out of the bowl or the bumpers. Yeah, yeah, the bumpers.

The bumpers. Give me the bumpers. You could also get the little kid thing. I never got to play with these when I was a little kid, but it's like now they have these things where it's like a little mountain that you put the ball on and the kid just has to push it down the mountain so it goes straight. Makes sense. Great.

I love it. Yeah, that makes sense. I didn't realize where my anger still lied is when the last time I tried to go play bowling and then the last time I tried to go play minigol. Love mini golf. Jeff got a hole in one and I and I kept trying, I kept trying to the point that I thought I was going to throw the spear?

What is it called? Stick on. No, you're just saying it. Club, stop. Club! I actually could think of the word for it. I knew it wasn't spear though. I knew it wasn't spear.

It's a golf club. Just don't worry about it. Just don't ever do it. You shouldn't play that if you got it. I'm so, I'm like, and he's like, and Jeff would like try to show me of like, you lightly hit it. And I'm like, I don't know why I'd like me in it.

Right, right. advice on how to do something better in sports. That's my least favorite thing. And he was being so nice. He wasn't being got as anything at all. And I just took it like I was so offended by it. See, I put mini golf in the same category as I kind of put bowling because in my life, I mean, remember, because this is a fun like kind of time to remember for me, right?

Back in a certain point in high school, we could drive, we could go places, but we weren't even 18 most of us, much less 21. So your options were. movie theater, like putt, putt golf course, bowling. I mean, we wore these things out and Paramounts caroans. I mean, we wore Paramounts caroans out, our theme park in Charlotte. Roller ring was also, we had a roller ring. Roller ring, really what, I'm excited for the roller ring to come back,

because I think it'd be a lot of fun, even though now actually the thought of it, I'm like, injury, injury, medical bills, health insurance. That's all I can think of actually, now that I think about it. But I want the roller ring to come back because I thought that was like one of the funest shits we did. as kids and laser tag. I don't understand why laser tag had to go away. Because even as an adult, I would fucking love to go play laser tag.

Oh, it's still there, baby. And I don't want to play paintball. I don't, I'm sorry. Is it cool if, like, I don't experience horrible pain while I enjoy my gun game? I just want to fucking shoot people lasers and be like, ah, you're sniping. I get all mad about dumb shit. And the kids who, the kids who played paintball in high school always got way too agro about it.

Yes. But the reason why I say I put all these in one category jacking, what I want to push you towards when you, the next time you bowl or play put putt, the score doesn't matter. You skip the hole if you don't like it. If you don't get the ball in the hole, you pick the ball up, you move on. You're there to be high. Are you saying that I can't do it? Are you saying that I can't?

I'm saying you don't have to do it. No, you're right. You shouldn't do it. I try to be zen. Honestly, thank Christ for weed. Because it's like I, as long as I'm still, like, I mean, weed helps me in many, many, many ways. Yes.

And that is one of them that I actually can play a game now because if I just get a little bit stone I'm like, I don't have to care as much. Yeah, there's no score. Who gives the shit? Perfect example, even better example

almost in my opinion. I really enjoy going out to the golf course and playing like nine holes so a full round of golf. I can't imagine that. Do you get a cart though? See, I'll drive the car.

Yes, you get a cart and you get beers and I don't even finish most holes to be quite, I don't keep score. To be quite honest with you, I have a really hard time contacting the club with the ball when I drive. So most of the time, I don't even drive the ball

down the fucking fair lane because I kept whiffing so many times that I'm like, fuck it. And I just like throw it down the fair lane and then light a joint, bro. Yeah, bro. The whole point at golf is that you're outside on a beautiful day and the score doesn't matter

because you're fucking horrible at it and just, I read this really funny tweet from somebody the other day actually saying like, the best thing about golf is that it's like this thing that like men invented to frustrate them until they die. And I thought that was just like that is so funny because it's so kind of true. Like that's like a lot of people's versions of retirement. It's just like going out every day and getting and just getting so angry at this fucking

game because if you get so you can decide to take the game seriously like my brother did the last time we went out to play golf and get insanely angry for no reason even though it's like you're never going to be fucking Tiger Woods bro. Like just chill and get smoke this fucking weed and just. enjoy a beautiful day and a little, like some, the most mild exercise ever and the fun little cart that you get to drive around and almost hit other people with and laugh and stuff. But this is how I feel about all games. Like, why try, really, is my hobby.

I'm just here to have fun. But then the competitive people, if it's a team game, are like, they ruin it. You're ruining everything because you're just standing there having a good time and I'm here to play. MJ, I have this very specific memory of being on sports teams and the little actor in me feeling like I had to pretend to be upset because we were losing, even though in my head, I'm like, who gives the fuck? It's Saturday. I can't wait to have my Capri Sun and Orange Slice at halftime and then go home and watch TV movies for the rest of the day. Like, why are you guys giving a fuck? We're in middle school.

You know, we're not going pro here. We're not, you know, money's not writing on this fucking lacrosse game, bra. Just fucking, you know, why are we, why do we have to be like, man, I can't believe they scored more goals than us? You know what I? It's just like, who fucking cares, dude? Yeah. And I would totally feel for you if you were like, I was like on a, even a high school

team with you and you were like taking this really seriously because you're trying to get like a scholarship or something. But like, we were the worst team in the league and never were going to be better. So, you know, and that's always. to watch you, the slow acceptance of the team of the loss. But then I would always try to like get them to go into the bad news bears direction. Where it's like, yeah, we're losing. Let's be fucking fun fuckers for the rest of this game.

And just like talk funny shit and like have fun. Oh my God. We need a team of bruisers. Yes. Let's create a bad news bears adult version. Well, we don't give a fuck. But I think that what's going to end up happening is we're going to go to some sort of field and just get drunk in a little.

field. I think that that is what is going to happen. Like holding a ball in our hand while we get trapped. You're literally describing every single adult softball league that exists. And yes, we could join any one of them easily. Yeah, that's my, definitely. I feel like once a year since I've been in my 20s, not longer in my 20s, since my 20s since my 20s began, once a year I'll be like, hey, you guys want to do like a kickball game?

And everyone's like, all right, no. And then like, let's just go drink outside instead. And then that's where it lands. That's fine. Well, we used to go out, Jackie, you kind of, I think you joined for some of these. We used to go throw the pigskin around and do like a quick pickup game of football on Sundays. Well, y'all play kegwiffle ball. You've described that on page seven, I'm sure.

I'm sure you have. I miss the kegwiffle ball era. I was not with you guys during that. But there was a while there were a bunch of us in Brooklyn on Sundays would go to McCarran Park and do pickup, like, touch football games. And have a great time. I wouldn't be invited to that. I'd get too angry. My favorite was,

and my favorite moment was, this was back when I was smoking, we were just about to start the play. I lit a cigarette. Callan even looked at me and was like, you motherfucker, because like I lit a cigarette, like just being really cocky.

With the cigarette in my mouth, ran all the way down the field, caught the football, got the touchdown. That's how I know you were young. There's no way you could do that. Now you die. Made me cough.

I was thinking about it. Yeah. It's so funny, man. That was like one of that best moments of my entire life. That was one of the greatest moments of my life. Everybody saw it and I was such a badass. I guess something that would not be the greatest moment in Batman's life is what is currently going on with Batman being thrown under the fucking bus.

It's not his fault. He tried to eat out, Catwoman, but the censorship told him no. Let's unpack this. This is one of those fun things. that you sort of slowly get to recognize via just random tweets. Heroes don't eat out. They don't eat out. So many random tweets I wake up to just talking about pussy eating and Batman.

And I'm just like, what the fuck? Why is Twitter like this always? And then I just went and then I immediately went and rewatch Bo Burtum's Inside. Then I went back to Twitter and found out the true reason, which of course is that in the new Harley Quinn show, which Jackie and I, especially on talking to, TV have been gushing about. Love this show. And this makes me love the show even more. They tried to have a scene where Batman was eating out Catwoman.

And DC wouldn't let them do it. One of the people behind it told this anecdote said that DC wouldn't allow it saying that, quote, Heroes don't do that. And then the interview said, are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers? And they were like, no, it's that we sell consumer toys for heroes. it's hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah.

Well, Miss, somebody, I'm still in this from a tweet, but somebody was just like, all they had to do is say that he's a children's character. That's it. Why do you have to say that? That's all they had to say, but instead they're like, no, no, no, it's a moral issue with being a hero. This is a wording issue. Yeah, I think this is a wording. They should have gotten their fucking words right now because this is, that is, that is,

It's just we live already in such a sex-shaming puritanical society when it comes to the idea of talking about sex that like Harley Quinn, which also, MJ, I think that you might dig it. Yeah. I'm sorry. I think you might like it. It's on HBO Mags and it is an adult version of like Harley-Quinn and her best friend is Poison Ivy and it's just talking about like essentially like mental illness shit and like keeping shit real. It's great. Yeah. That's a good maybe Gideon show too.

It's got that crossover appeal. I think he's already watching it. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Catch an episode. But I like to watch a superhero sometimes. I started watching the Loki. Oh, so I'm down.

You're more like nerd than me. Oh, my God. All these people are out here saying they like it more than Wanda Vision, and I don't understand that because Wanda Vision's like the best show I've ever seen. I think it might be one of the best shows I've ever seen. It blew my mind. Yeah, like, and it wasn't, I mean, and I didn't like it because it wasn't, didn't feel like it was about superheroes, but to me that show was about grief.

and that, you know, and Loki seems like a cool superhero show about time. And that's cool, but I just, so I'm a little bit mind-blown by all these people saying that they like it more than Wanda Vision, but maybe that's because I just like. Well, I'm more of a time person than a grief person, so that would explain it for me. Yeah, you didn't take that BuzzFeed quiz. Who are you a time person or a grief person? Or a grief person. Definitely a grief person. I guess I'm a grief person.

I'm absolutely a grief person. Oh, absolutely. If you give me the option to watch a show about time or grief, I will choose grief every time. Every single time. Yeah. I think that is the difference between me and some nerds. Oh, oh my God.

MJ, are you watching Mayor of East Town yet? Oh, yeah. I finished. Yes. Talk about grief show. Yes. I love a good show about grief. Oh, my God.

Sad, sad people show up to me. And I did say this in her email, but I think that Lex Luther would eat the shit out of my pussy. I'm fairly sure that it's like, if we're going to go this route, then now I'm going to now assume, then I already would rather have had relations with most of the supervillains anyway, but I guess that means we just got up it a bit because I think, because like even if let's say Batman doesn't eat pussy,

he would create a pleasure device, I feel, that would, he could use while having sex with someone that would give them more pleasure. Right? So I didn't find, I was like enjoying Batman. Kondolinga's Twitter before finding, for like a full day before looking for the actual origin of the story. And I was assuming that it was about that, because isn't Batman's whole thing is that he's kind of like a sad piece of shit? And so I was like, is this like a, because the, like, is this just like a, he's a piece of shit and that's why he won't eat pussy?

But it, but I didn't realize. And now I understand that he actually would. But I feel like if we're debating on the personalities of superheroes who would and who wouldn't, I would have probably put Batman in the wooden category just because his whole thing is that he's a sad boy. He's Ben Affleck. He is Ben Affleck. And Sad Boys eat that pussy, bro, because they get it all moist with their tears. You're right. You're right.

Loom it with the tears. I shouldn't imply that sad boys don't eat pussy. I think that they do. They eat it the most. Emo kids. Come on, emo kids. You just sit on his face instead if you're too sad to get up and do it. And he just sings songs.

Yeah. But it's not that, I guess it's not his sadness that would, that would make me think that maybe he wouldn't. But his like, isn't, isn't Batman kind of? He is sad. Isn't he, doesn't he have a reputation as a bit of a whiner? Yes, he's a sad. He's a sadman. Yeah.

Which is why I also like, I think you'll really enjoy Harley Quinn because that is kind of the thing, where it's just Batman is the butt of a joke where it's just like he has no powers and he's got a bunch of money. Yeah. Essentially money is his power. Right. And I'm saying this as a stand of Batman. Yeah. I am a bat stand. And I still feel that, like, now that I'm being introduced more into the world of being a nerd,

I get that now because I always thought that Batman, uh-oh, young person alert was the goat. And I'm learning now that he's not the young person alert goat. And that's okay because we all have to grow at different times, even though I'm a grief person and not a time person. Yeah. And I mean, Batman also is a grief person. Oh, you're a great person. Because this fucking parents died. He's got issues.

And there are a lot of people out here that have issues, including Chrissy Teigen, because we have to talk about this. We do need to bring up Chrissy Teigen and talk about, although technically, have we switched to Tygin yet? Oh, is it Tygon? Everyone is mispronouncing her name that it's actually Tygans. Is it like Tiger? It's like Tiger.

Yeah, so I want to come out just because I'm like the heel of this show. You are the heel of the show. And say I'm Team Christy. I just don't know why she can't tell people to kill themselves. I'm going to scrub the calluses off the year. I'm scrubbing you. I'm scrubbing you with my grit right now. Yeah, he hates it.

He hates it, but now he's clean. I'm sorry, I'm saying this is someone that, yes, last night I did again, even the last time I promised I would never do it again. I did do the booty treatment that all the skin's going to. I'm going to have baby feet. I did it too. Oh. You do it baby feet again?

I did it too. Yeah, I did it a couple. weeks ago, it was great. Your feet peel for a week, for a whole week. You're just, your shed. Holden, I'm going to bring my baby feet over to your house and I'm going to leave a trail of skin. A snake never sheds it's skin.

Lexi did it. What is it up with you broads and exfoliating? You got to exfoliate. I was thrilled. We must have all read the same listicle that was like, here are some beauty things you can do at home. And I was like, yeah, get this shit off my feet. And it was awesome.

I just realized why I hate the word list. It sounds like testicles. Yeah, but I love the word testicle. It sounds like this dangly, gross, you know. I love testicles. No, come on. You're not like, ooh, give me those big juicy testicles. Like, come on, no one talks.

Like, no one uses that word the sexual fun way. I don't use it in a fun way, no. It's always like I found a bug on your testicles. Like, you know what I mean? Oh my God, Holden, do you need to talk about this? I might have something going on, all right? We don't have time for it. Do you have ball bugs?

I don't have the good health care. I'm just slowly fading into the shadows becoming this father character. So we'll get to my nutbug, hopefully in 24. We'll see. We'll see. I think that testicle is a better word than listicle. I think testicle is a fun word.

Yeah. It's a better word than Listicle. Most words are a better word than Listicol. Anyways, how did Chrissy get owned this week? So, all right, you know here on page seven, I believe that we're all of the same field of, I appreciate that she is, she is both very attractive

and actually is very funny. I appreciate the fact that she eats food because that's what we have to celebrate Chrissy Teagan for because that really is what it is. I love how politically this is from Jaggy right now. This is literally like you are at the debates right now or something. I just, it's difficult for me because I hate, I don't like looking at someone being like,

I don't like you because I don't like you. You know, I feel like I have to understand, which is why I try not to bring hate on this show. So then you feel validated a little bit. Like a little bit. It actually turns out that they really were. Which we knew this. Maybe you had women's intuition. Maybe you had an intuition on this person. We already knew as a society that Chrissy Teigen is a bully and she uses her platform. But the thing is that she uses her platform usually against the people that her fans support her being a bully towards. So this does bring up a much bigger conversation of like, okay, so you'll allow. And I'm saying this,

You know I'm anti-Trump, but you'll allow her to berate Trump, and that's okay because he's a fucking horrible person. But that does then, unfortunately, I feel, go under the umbrella of, well, will also allow you to get away with doing things that especially in the past were seen as okay and funny, which, I mean, listen to the roundtable of gentlemen if you want to hear someone growing up. that people have people grow she has learned the fact that she can't do the shit but it doesn't take away the fact that a a person was 16 years old and was groomed into marrying a 50 year old and at the time she incessantly sent them DMs telling them to kill themselves and that's telling it like that is like it's not that's right job as much as i don't want anyone to be made fun of for their choices but you tweeting out a funny thing i guess quote, I'm heavy quotes, about someone who's being groomed in a time when the word groomed

was not being used. Yeah, at all. It wasn't. It was seen as that, well, she was 16 and she chose to marry this person. And now they're coming out and talking about how, like, finally divorced from this 50-year-old, who was also the creepy guard in the green mile, by the way. How could you ever marry that guy? Did you say their name to Chris Stodden?

Yes. Courtney Stratton. Yeah, Courtney Stratton is the 16-year-old who had married this 50-year-old motherfucker, and the world slut shamed them for it. But, yeah, I agree with you, too, though, and the sense that, especially after doing, like, our Britney Spears episode and episodes of that time period, like, the tweets themselves, I would almost go to bat for in the sense of we, it was totally, cool and totally in to pile on celebrities,

to pile on people in the spotlight. At that time, it was a really nasty, cynical, shitty time in celebrity culture that I think we look back on and kind of shudder a little bit the way we treated Britney Spears in 2008 with her mental health issues, the way that we treated this grooming situation back then. I would almost go to bat, but it is actually the DMs that make me go, hold on a second.

What the fuck? You are a supermodel. At this time, you are a supermodel. a successful supermodel. Why are you telling a 16-year-old to kill herself? Right. Yeah. Right.

The Chrissy Teigen thing is actually right. I think much more interesting than Chrissy Teigen herself, who is like just kind of, like, the Vox article that you sent Jackie was like very, very helpful for me in terms of the quote. I was like, oh my God, Jackie must have hated this quote that was like, Chrissy Teigen was like the Jennifer Lawrence of the supermodel world. Yes. I was like, this quote was designed in a lab to make Jackie serious. She's just like us. She's a hot woman who eats and is funny.

Can you believe it? It is the fine. All those quotes, all those like profile quotes from back to the day being like, yeah, I know that we always say that celebrities like food, but Chrissy likes food. Yeah, no shit. Liking food is like the weirdest, like personality trait to me. I don't know. It's like, I guess you're a foodie. We fucking everyone eats food.

What the fuck you're talking? I like food. Right. And I get like, she like, Chrissy Teagan has like a very appealing, like, aesthetic. She's like, I cook shit. I got my cookwear line. And there's been times that I, you know,

she spoke about postpartner depression, which I think is really great. She spoke about IVF and like infertility stuff. So I think that there has been times where she's done interesting things and important things. But also, right, like her thing was kind of based on the novelty of like somebody's hot and kind of interesting and funny. Whoa.

You know, like that was like a very novel back like in the kind of aughts time we're talking about. And like you said, Holden, it was just like, I feel like in a way, Chrissy Teigen is getting, you know, canceled. First, it's, okay, so let me try to make this full circle. Cancel culture as a phrase, I think is dumb. And canceling people, I feel, for something that happened in the past that I do feel that we go after people very fast. Yeah. Nowadays. Yeah.

to be like, cancel them, kick them out of the zeitgeist. People can learn and grow. Totally, especially when it comes to things that they did when they were younger, right? Like, totally. And of course, that is barring, you know, sexual assault, barring many other much bigger issues that, no, that's canceled. Of course. Get rid of them. But what the, but what is actually good about what people mean when they say cancel culture is, like, don't bully people anymore.

Don't tell people to kill themselves. don't be racist. And you can't just do it in secret anymore. Especially over DMs. Unless it's verbal and there's no lip readers around and you know they don't have a cell phone with a recorder on in their pocket. I mean, it is so, you have to be so stealthy ninja-like

with your bullying. But then it gets to a point where, and I'd already just say that about her DMs, period, like how much effort are you going to go through to bully somebody? Like, Jesus, like, why are you going? That's the weird part. It's like, damn, you sat down and, like, DM to this person.

Like, that is how far you needed to go. And then, yeah, and then the whole other side of this with that whole grooming issue with Courtney is, like, so crazy in hindsight. I mean, just. The whole story is an example of how absolutely fucked up our society was in 2000. What year was this happened? 2011. Not that long ago.

We, like, had page seven at that point, I think, right? Oh, yeah. And here, Dr. Drew is up here giving this, the 16 year old, a breast exam on television. So crazy. See if her breasts were real. Yeah. Like, what in the fuck?

And so right now, Chrissy Teigen is getting canceled over some shit that was actually, it was just the cultural norm, like Holden was saying, everybody, think about Amanda Bines, Lindsay Lohan, right, who has also come up. Perez Hilton. Perez Hilton in general. That was the brand, right? That was the cool thing.

That kind of led the way. And I remember working at an office and being with other people in their 20s, working in offices who ate that shit up. We all did. We thought it was, you know, we were like, finally these people that we put on pedestals are getting knocked down,

yada, yada, yada. But like, we weren't knocking down the right ones. And we were, it was all kind of malicious and gross and based on our own insecurities that we even reveled in that, right? I remember this one, Howard Stern. I was watching a lot of Stern back at offices in those days, too. And they had on a guy that this gross douchebag that was a teacher at his high school,

ended up marrying his like 17-year-old student. They came on the show, and he thought they were all going to be like, hell yeah, high five. And literally Howard Stern proceeded to shame him for the entire interview and told him how disgusting this was. and like, and he came in definitely being all, like, kind of puffed out and kind of like, look what I got. Big score, right, bros? And he was like, this is, she's a child. What the fuck are you doing? And it was very interesting to see that because, and it was such a stern move because it was

like so not what, you know, diverting the expectations of what you think would go down. Uh-huh. But that was so rare to see that. That was like, that was what was almost like, oh, wow, that's so exotic to see someone reprimanding someone else for being a complete. fleet and utter predator. Right. I think that it was just like the mass culture at this time was like just so fucking disgusting. And what canceled culture is now is I think mostly an effort to correct that. So on the one hand, Chrissy Teigen is kind of absorbing the brunt of what, of behaving the way

that everybody kind of behaved on the internet at the time. But then how do you feel about the apology? How do you, like, what do you think? I also think that she should be held account. Like, I think that her apology, you know, I think that's what you do if you get canceled, if you get caught, and canceled, meaning in this case, caught being a piece of shit, then you have to say, man, I was a big piece of shit, and I'm so sorry.

And that's it. Like, Chrissy Teague is going to be fine. That's why cancel culture is, I think, usually a dumb phrase, because most of the times nobody goes anywhere. She's not going to go anywhere. But I was going to say, too, all she has to do with her millions of dollars in her giant mansion and her social life that I'm sure she saw that, just, but definitely fucking go

go away for a little while. Yeah, take a bar. She's not. Like that's what thing. Yeah, that's what's not. She hasn't tweeted since the apology, right? No, she did immediately. Then she showed like she just gotten like a new tattoo. And she was the kind of thing.

She's going to be gone. Just so annoying. That's the part that pisses me off. It's like, yeah, apologize. But also don't just go immediately back to your fucking brand. And don't just immediately go back to being a social media persona. You need to go the fuck away. Like you need to.

Like you said, even if it's just for like a month. I don't think, and I think people say. I think it should be a. a year personally. I was going to suggest like five years. If she wants to really come back in a... But you are living a mansion. You have kids.

And you have a... You can just... Why do you have... There's an addiction going on here with the social media shit and the brand. Yes. That is annoying as fuck to me.

Yeah, you have to live in the eyes of other people. Like, that's what celebrity... Like, I mean... Yeah. What is she supposed to do? Right. On the one hand, I do think that there is...

There is an interesting conversation about like what does restorative justice look like how do we deal with people who have been canceled we don't want them to like follow again it's different if we're talking about like Louis C.K or people who are accused of really accused and with lots of evidence to believe that non-consensual you know acts and things like that but again he's still don't tour that's the thing he's not going anywhere and and then right so it's like what is it what is it what should I do think that Chrissy Tegan was in the wrong here there's No question about it.

The fact that she was doing what a lot of other people did at the time, Dr. Drew should also be canceled. I think he's been canceled. Oh, and Dr. Phil, all of those. All the people, like, faithful shit, doctors really should be. All of these people who are responsible for this culture should be held accountable for it.

It seems to me, unless she deleted them after the fact because she realized how dumb she's being, that she has not tweeted since just talking about Courtney. Oh, okay. Well, she's been on her in stuff. She definitely been posting that. That is so, but that's actually almost. more annoying. Like, oh, you're just going to like sneak it past the fucking goalie because it's on

instant, not on Twitter that you're just like still propping your brand up and doing like advertisements and shit. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck off. And you know who wouldn't do this? Who would never do this to us? Batman. Not bad man. I'm talking about wasabi. I need to just, I need to talk about wasabi real quick. The winner of the Westminster dog show because wasabi is perfect. And there's internet hate about wasabi the Pekingese. And I think that wasabi even, even though he had little bits of grass in him, I think he's perfect. And I love wazabi.

Apparently, the Westminster Dog Show just came out with a quote for wasabi saying, quote, Wasabi would never suck dick. Little cute dogs just don't do that. And I don't know what that is. It sounds very anti-pride, I feel like a little bit,

but we'll see what's going on. Everyone's making fun of wasabi's appearance. And it's not nice. She's cute. I love wasabi. He's cute. It's cute. Yeah.

Pekinese are freakish dogs but I love them. I love them a lot. It's just so funny because my mom asked me if I was watching the Westminster Dog Show

and it's like, no, no, I'm not. And she's like, you've got to see. You got to put it on. So she made me go put it on and I'm watching because I like the Westminster

Dog Show. And I thought Wasabi was just the cutest and it's just so funny we're like, what's going on with people that they were like, fuck this dog.

This dog looks like a mop. I have. I can't just drop everything and rewatch Bo Burtum's inside and come back and talk to me. It is literally just like how weird we've gotten with social media that anyone would have on this at all besides my name for Wasabi, which is Gilda Radner's hair. That dog is not even the mop-yest looking dog. There's other dogs that look way more like mobs. Oh, and that hair is so, like, lovely, too, and flowy and nice.

Yeah, and I do love this tweet for a mottiest looking dog. Mr. George Wallace said, please sign my petition to make Wasabi, my sidekick, and Wasabi will get into all kind of messes, and I'll say, Wasabi, what am I going to do with you? And I think that's a great. It was also, MJ, you want to guess what Wasabi's mom's name is? Oh, my God.

A human mom or a dog mom? Dog mom. It's got to be like ginger or sushi related. Suisse. Sushi. You got it. Early blind item. Early blind item.

I love Wasabi and if you haven't looked at Wasabi yet, I'd stop where you're doing and go look at a picture of Wasabi and how cute Wasabi is. Yeah, Wasabi should take the throne that Chrissy Tegan was on before of like beloved, wacky. Wasabi is just like us. Yeah, because Wasabi is just like us. So relatable.

And Chrissy Teagan is not. No, she never will be. And Wasabi always will be. Wasabi is perfect. And Wasabi has never bullied anyone to the point of thinking about suicide. Or did a shitty quibby show. Park, bark, bark. Saabie, you want me to do what?

Park, bark, bark. No, wasabi, I shouldn't. I got to eat this banana. I wonder what this is going to do to John Legend's brand of being like the world's nicest guy, you know? He stands by you. Well, you know what's funny, that Vox article even had to say the, that you sent us, Jackie, even had to say up top, like, just note, John Legend is on the board of Vox.

So that's got to be really interesting. I mean, he must have seen that art. Like, he must be very aware of all of this happening. I think that he can kind of just, he's so low-key, right? He can just kind of, he's such like a doormat. Everyone calls me out there. It's fine. Yeah.

Yeah. It just seems very chill, which, I mean, I don't know. That is the face that he gives out, but I'm down. I mean, and we didn't even get to talk about the explosive diarrhea on the set of ultimate slip and slide. Liz. Because we had too many other things to scream about to talk about. I think that's all you need.

I mean, it's called ultimate slip and slide, and the issue was they had to shut down production because everyone had, like, terrible diarrhea. There were parasites in the water. There were parasites in the water. By the way, this is not far from where we live, right, Jackie? So I was like, the other part of me was like, where is this and what was the source of the water?

Because this is not, this was not like an exotic shoot. This was like in California. That is my, I mean, I've told you guys, monsters inside me, that horrible show. I mean, I'm already terrified of water just in general. but the idea the little bugs can swim up inside of my holes and make me shit everywhere. You don't like water park, so you must not like the slip and slide show premise.

This is like, this show is my dream show, and now I'm not even going to be able to watch it without thinking about explosive diarrhea. I guess they'll start calling them shit and slides. Come on, guys. Yeah, I came up with it. I'm sure other people have, but they probably couldn't write it. I did in the article.

So funny. Shit and slides. All right, guys. All right. Hit me with the share. Do you believe in? Are celebrity affairs orchestrated? Bump, bum, bum.

Yeah, probably. Yeah, for sure. But either way, this comes in from Mary Beth, who starts with, oh. That's my brand's slogan. Oh, my God. Ariana. Oh, my God.

Ariana? Yeah, right? Someone wrote in about that too, actually. I'll read that. at some point, but whatever with that. By the way, a lot of Maddie's given Ariana love. I think there's some weird signifier between

people named Maddie and really liking Ariana Grande and I don't know what it is. Ooh, and also looking sexy like in euphoria. Yeah, yeah, exactly. She's a child, but technically the actress is an adult. Mary Beth says, okay, so I've got a conspiracy theory that came from a former boss.

She believed that Hillary Clinton arranged the affair between slick Willie and Monica Lewinsky. Her theory was that Hills Dog thought that Willie seemed too weak as a president, and that reflected poorly on her. Now, that's not directly a celebrity theory, but it got me thinking. What if most, if not all celebrity affairs are orchestrated? Angie and Brad, fake, Marilyn Monroe and JFK, whatever. Chris and Stuart and Rupert Sanders facade.

Oh, well, who knows? But anyway, I love you, fuckers. Holden, I used to have a squirty bird all for you, but I say that with no disrespect. Which is funny for me to say. Wow, that's very fun. I'm disgusting. Seriously, though, a few years ago, I introduced my mom to the LPN shows

and told my mom that you were one of the funniest comedians I'd ever heard and without a beat under her breath, she responded, well, I don't know about that. I thought she was gonna be like, yeah, and he's cute too. Like I thought he was... Mom's like, no.

That is so funny. Jackie, I'm an acquired taste. Jackie, you are my queen and I ston MJ. Thanks for all the laughs. Roundtable has gotten me through a rough time or to Bird Luger forever. All my love, Mary Beth.

Thank you so much, Mary Beth for that. And let's just, let's go down the line for starting with the big one. Did Hillary Clinton orchestrate the affair between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky? I love that. Remind me the reason why she did that? Her theory, Hills Dog thought that Willie seemed too weak as a president and that reflected poorly on her. Like he had to kind of show that he was like, got them big cummy balls. He's putting them in young ladies' mouths in the Oval Office,

kind of makes him a renegade, a badass. You know what I mean? The saxophone gig wore off a little bit. People were like, all right, whatever. He plays saxophone, but that doesn't mean he's a badass. And so he was like, well, what about this cigar? This is such a more appealing reality than the actual reality. Which is probably not, right?

He's just a serial cheater. But I do think other ones are definitely orchestrated, though. Definitely. So here we go. Let's go, keep going here. And then maybe you can give me some that you think, that aren't on the little list that Mary Beth sent. Angelina and Brad,

Angelina and Jolie and Brad Pitt. And I guess they're talking about really when they got together. The cheetah was, yeah, yeah. I do feel that that was a publicity thing. It's a little too good to be true, right, with the Mr. and Mrs. Smith and everything. Or if anything, there was like something there

and then they like perfectly. And then they used it. Yeah, they like use it, a team of people. Which is what happened with Benefer originally. That was like they were being used. I, like, and they were open about the fact that I think that it started real, and then they felt like it was such a roller coaster, like it was a big snowball effect that they kind of got lost in the pressure from the media,

the pressure between just like them getting married and all that other kind of shit, that they probably didn't even know if it was real at that. Right, right? At first I thought by snowball effect, you were making a reference to clerks, and you were meaning that he came in her mouth and then she kissed the comeback into his mouth. I mean, who hasn't done that? The snowball. Yeah, very fun.

It would be so difficult to get it out of your mouth into someone else's mouth and back in. Like, is it anything at that point? Right? What about Marilyn Monroe and JFK? I kind of feel like Marilyn Monroe was used, so used by everyone that, like, technically yes, but she was literally just being thrown around

like a rag doll by these horrific people. Yeah. I think that was just a bad one. I think that was all bad. Yeah. I don't think they had any. I don't think Marilyn Murray. Again, though, you could connect that to,

I would almost believe that more than the Hillary Bill thing when it comes to like, JFK, he's got his, like, you know, not madonna, he's got his Madonna, whatever he needs his, or he's got his virgin. He needs his, like, whore, right? And so, to make him like this, like,

slick, amazing, you know, whatever to dudes president. Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders. I'm not too familiar with who Rupert Sanders is. Oh, wait, was that the director? Yeah, I think maybe that's the guy there. Yes. I think that was another one of those things

that they got caught and then they used it. Yeah, I think that was more natural natural though, because that's not a good look for her. No, neither one of them. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So, okay, any other ones off the top of the dome? You think we're fully orchestrated before we move on?

I mean, I was going to say, Benefort. I feel like that was told, I mean, but again, what's real? And we didn't talk about the pictures, by the way. I know. the new, the side by side of them kissing back in the day, them kiss there's video, it looks like they're in love. I'm having you.

They're in love. Not that they're in love. I hope they make a fucking horrible movie together. Oh my God. Close the circle with like a terrible film starring the two of them. It's too bad that we watch Shili at the beginning of the pandemic because my brain obviously has just trauma erased the memory of. I don't remember a single thing about.

The only thing I remember was the like, trying to make a comedy gangster movie beginning where he's like shoving a guy's head in the watching machine or whatever, right? That was like the only thing I remember from that movie. Yeah, I remember the feeling it. I remember what it made me feel, which was bad. But I don't remember anything else. You know what I will say about this conspiracy.

I'm sorry, comspiracy theory is that I think that really what it is, is that the media manipulates things in a way where it is orchestrated to a point because I think that it is people being people. and either making a mistake or making a choice. And I think that the media takes it and conflates it into a way that it could be construed as being manipulated into doing it. Because I think that they take little things. Remember that like when Justin Timberlake was doing that the movie

and he was talking with somebody and he had like his hand up on her thigh and everyone was like, he's cheating on Jessica Peel. That bastard is cheating on Jessica Peel. when it's like, man, I've also been, like, you could see his eyes are barely open. He was so drunk that, like, I feel that it's things like that, you know, who knows what happened? We don't know, but these pictures take something and make it into just something else completely. Right. And I think that that happens a lot more than doesn't happen.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I think that when you are a person who lives that much in the public eye, what you want and are doing is real, but also other people are making all these decisions for. you so it's kind of hard to draw a very clear line between what is real and what is like orchestrated. Right. And I think that's part of like with Kristen Stewart thing. What I will say is that I remember there were times that I've read of her briefly talking about the fact that like she was in a relationship with Robert Pattinson. Twilight was the biggest fucking thing ever. And they were told not

that they couldn't break up, but that like they shouldn't. Uh-huh. Right. And I wonder if that has to do with the Rupert Sanders thing of like, well, you're telling me I can't. can't do these things. Oh. So what if I do something to make it so that it works. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

You know, and I do feel that just the manipulation of media has such a strong. Oh, you just reminded me of the crown and them constantly just being like, you have to stay married, you must stay married. Yep. You can't leave her.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That was a terrible accident. It was bad, but I liked it. Ew. I understood. Could you imagine not having an option in a loveless marriage? Terrifying.

So scared. Yeah, the crown really brings that shit to life, man. Yeah, dude. But so we all believe? I think we believe certain ones. I think we don't believe. Other ones are nuanced. Do you believe?

And I'll stay with that. Thank you so much, Mary Beth. And on to, should we sing the song? Yes, you should. Shout, shout, let it all out. Yes. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on.

We'll read them to you. Come on. I, when it started off with the shoutouts to everyone who wrote in, and I apologize for the croc hate. I'm sorry. You are right. There are some ballet flats that are very cute. And thank you so much, Jessica.

And thank you so much to Catherine for writing in about one rodent about Crocsielles and one wrote in about these. Actually, a picture of very tasteful, beautiful flats that apparently Crocs doesn't make anymore. and Jess and time and space is very upset about that. So I want to say, you know what, to the point that I almost might buy some flats just to try it out. Yes, yes, we can change. We can grow. Yeah, I'm likening myself to a Chrissy Teagan right now about Crocs.

And what are you going to do about it? I also would love to give a love to puff who's gone over the Rainbow Bridge. No, I'm not talking about Kissel's Puffin. I am talking to Tilea's Puff. She has had the beloved dog Puff since she was six and lived an incredible 18 years. Wow. I just want to say Puff that I love you wherever you are and I hope your energy feels my energy giving you a belly rub. Yeah, my energy just gave that dog a belly rub and I love you puff.

I'm not going to cry about it. Oh, sweet. I want to give an amazing shout out to Cassie, whose 21st birthday is coming up. Oh my God, happy 21st birthday. We've got another 21st birthday in the house as well. And this 21st birthday goes out to Chloe. She's turning the big 20 fun.

Yeah, the Chugie says that she is turning 20 fun. And Chloe has asked us for any birthday advice or drink recipes. And then this will also go out to Cassie if you drink. So hit us favorite drink. Both of you? My favorite drink is my buddy Jeff's old-fashioned. He calls it the new fashioned. Unfortunately, one of the elements might be difficult to find, but hopefully you can find

it. It is three shot. By the way, feel free to cut this drink in half because it's very strong. Three shots, whiskey. We usually do bullet bourbon. And then one shot of orange salerno liqueur. That is the tricky one to find. It is so fucking delicious, though.

I promise you'll love it. A splash of bodibing cherry juice. Bottom being cherry specifically, it is like this kind of heavier, darker cherry juice, really good, and a dash of Regans, Regans, whatever, orange bitters. Oh my gosh.

That's three shots whiskey, one shot, slaterno orange liqueur, splash of body being cherry juice, and a dash of orange bitters. MJ? Do you think I could use quantreau instead of the other orange liqueur? Is it a...

Because I got a bunch of quantreau in my house for some reason. It's an orange liqueur. no idea what to do with it. Contro, you could actually probably make that work over the Salerno. Salerno blood orange liqueur is like my favorite thing ever to put in a drink. I love it so much. But Contro, I think you could maybe replace it with that and you'd still get a really

delicious citrusy drink. Well, we love old fashions in my house, so I endorse Holdens. But I also am like, especially in my 20s in the summertime, I just like take a cucumber and some fucking mint if you got it, some sugar, muddle that shit with a, spoon if you don't have a muddler. Oh yeah. Some lemon juice. Ooh.

And then, yeah, or gin and soda. And then just live your best summer life. Like just put some fucking fruit, vegetables, herbs in there with some sugar. Muddle it. Put some gin in it. That's my motto. That sounds so much better than when I used to drink. I was also going to give a recipe for a margarita.

I'll just say look up how to make a real margarita, not a margarita like one would make using just margarita mix. and do yourself a favor and make one of those for yourself because you will absolutely love it and it's way better than the margarita in-store margarita mix. Hell yeah. Talk about a 21st birthday. Yes, go get it.

The world is just opened. The streets will run right with come. Speaking of that, could I please read Jackie the line that you wrote in your email because I think it's one of the best. I want to start Instagram where I just share gems from your email, but regarding the explosive diarrhea on the slip and slide show, Jackie wrote,

y'all know I hate poopy humor, but come on, this is great. Guess the streets can run white with cum this summer as long as the slides run brown with shit. And I just wanted the listeners to know that, Jim, from Jackie. Thank you. Thank you for among my highlights.

That's a shout out to you, Jackie. I love you so much, I'm sorry. I missed you. I'm so happy you're back. All right. We've got more birthdays. We've got Alyssa. My sister Alyssa's birthday is June 23rd,

and I know she would love a shout-up from her favorite podcast. Alyssa is crazy hardworking and is in the middle of starting her campaign for Ohio State Representative. Damn. God knows we need her in our stupid-ass state filled with crusty old racist men. She got me into last podcast on page seven. We don't even watch Riverdale, but we still listen to Riverdale. Roundup, I'm going to kiss it all. She's way more dedicated than I am and has been reading Dune.

and listening to the LPN deep dives. So Holden, can you please put some respect on her name and give her the shout out she deserves? Alyssa! What's up from Iraqis? How are you doing? You're a rude duna, and we really appreciate you.

Happy birthday, Alyssa. I wish I could ride in your back like Paul rode that sandworm all the way to kill all those people in that mini-jihad war that he was a part of. I'm very scared of everything that you're saying and I'm glad that I don't do. I want to ride Alyssa.

Into a warm zone is what I'm saying right now. Happy birthday, listen. You also have a birthday twin because there's another birthday on June 23rd. This goes out to Chelsea from Cassie. Cassie says, Chels and I have been through a lot of shit together over the past 10 years. Death, sadness, joy, and a hell of a lot of personal growth, including creating our own business together. Chels is a beautiful girl of almost four, a hobby,

and has built a cozy little life for herself and her family from the ground up. I couldn't be more proud of her. Happy, happy birthday, tells. And I want to give a shout out to Heather, who just graduated with an M.A. in history and just got hired as a history instructor for their local community college. My God, everybody's fucking killing it right now.

We will survive. Speaking of beautiful people, we have another shout out to the effervescent Leanna, who has been standing us for two years. We got a young in the house. She's 21, and they've been standing us for two. two years. Wow.

Working as an early childhood educator for a virtual kindergarten class, and I'm just going to go ahead and say thank you for your patience, because I can't even possibly imagine. Wow. Hell yeah. We've got a twinning alert because we've got two 30-second birthdays coming up. I should say, happy birthday to Brittany and happy birthday to Wesley. We can finally have birthdays again. You didn't have to have a second one in quarantine.

I'm sorry, MJ, and I am sorry. No hold and he only had one too. And last but not least, I want to give a shout out to the great Maddie. Maddie, this goes out to you from your beautiful work colleague Ryan who wants to tell you publicly that you suck. They think he means it in a good way? If not, you have my permission to beat the shit out of him and you can tell that to HR before they fire you. Jackie gave me permission. And I want to finish this out to say thank you so much to Carrie who wrote in

and was wanted to let you know MJ first. Just wanted to wish MJ well. As a trans listener, having any representation anywhere means a lot. And it feels dumb saying that as I'm pushing 30. But it did mean a lot when they brought their gender up on the show and was inspiring. And the fact that they've been comfortable at times mentioning is super fucking dope. No pressure to be our spokesperson. I don't know.

I just love them. Please give them my best. And I also wanted to say on the trans tip, Jackie, you are an absolutely big inspiration for me, for my voice. My first vocal coach was super fucked up and put a lot of pressure on me to basically sound as feminine as possible and like specifically frail.

Specifically, I needed to be weak and tiny sounding. But you're a bombastic-assed babe and as I'm pretty fucking sure I am and your voice is so lovely. Your femininity is undeniable but you don't shy away from having fun with your voice and I love the quality it has.

I love you, Carrie. Thank you so much for writing in because, man, you know, it is so crazy. I was made fun of for so long for having a deep voice. Me too. I don't know where people get, like, it's the genderized bullshit that we have in our brain of like,

no, you have to sound like this. The fuck are you talking about? I think that's one of the things that brought you and I together, Jackie. There's several things, but I think that both of our like deep, unapologetically deep voices really did bring us together because, right, based on whatever gender you're assigned, there are so many expectations.

around how you're supposed to sound. Insane. And I don't understand in the same way where it's like when people identifying as men say like, oh, you have an effeminate voice. They were like, oh, I knew you were gay before you even told me. That kind of shit. It's like, what the fuck are you taught? I just, it blows my mind.

I know. And it's crazy. And honestly, there are times that I want to be catty and I want to go back to someone and be like, you fucking, you made fun of me and called me the D word so many times as you would hit my head against something. And because of my voice.

And now I make a fucking living off of it, you piece of shit. Amanda, I'm coming for you. I'm not coming for you. Amanda, you probably don't listen to the show. But now, don't worry, it's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Me!

Jackie, got to have that list. And I didn't get to scream about all of the thank you videos that are now being played at all of the theaters from celebrities being like, thank you so much for coming back to the movies. I'm sick of it, but I went to go see Quiet Place 2. So I found this list called 13 iconic films

with bonkers sequels that you forgot about. I love a sequel that really has fucking nothing to do with the, honestly, you guys know this Halloween 3 is one of my favorite of the Halloween's. And it doesn't even follow the story. Classic sequel that, yeah, has nothing to do with the rest of the series whatsoever. And I love it. Yeah. And I love that the first one on this list is Exorcist 3, which weirdly came up recently.

I think Natalie and Henry were talking to me about it because they were talking about how it is like this classic cult film that people really do adore and I've never seen it. Oh, it's insane. The Exorcist 3 was about the cop from the end of the original movie hunting down the Zodiac Killer. What? It was based on a novel with exactly zero exorcisms, so they had to sneak one into the third act of the film. The cop dreams his way into the afterlife where he runs into fire. And Fabio and Patrick Ewing as Angels. It is manners. It's great. I love it.

Yeah. But I understand why a lot of people don't. This shot of Fabio in heaven, I guess, is really incredible. That's an angel. Now, this is not a direct sequel, but I think I need to find it. Based on the movie Jaws, Peter Benchley, who is an author of the best-selling novel that Jaws was based on, pretty much gave his angry shark a Nazi experimentation origin story. That book was made into a TV movie called Creature.

And there is just one shot of this land walking shark creature that now I got to find it. So it's called Creature. It's kind of like an inglorious bastards, but for sharks. It's kind of fun. How do you not want to watch that? There's a lot of these that I haven't heard of before, like American Psycho 2. Oh, yeah, and heard of that one?

That was that classic VHS case that I would see a blockbuster and always consider picking up. But you never watched it? But I never saw it, but Milakunis is the star. And I was always like, what the fuck is it? Because I was like weirdly obsessed with, I guess we all were kind of a little weirdly obsessed

with American Psycho back in the day. And Michael Easton. Ellis is the author's name, I believe. And, you know, he also did, oh, what was that crazy college movie? He did, uh, young shitheads, young assholes. I'm, you know what it is. I know the one I'm looking. I'm trying to find that.

I know my brain. Right. It was like that bad kid movie to watch. Oh, oh, less than zero. Brett Easton Ellis. That's why. I was like, why are not coming? Less than zero, which is a great movie.

And I'm actually talking about, uh, oh, what was that? Oh, rules of attraction. Rules of attraction. Sorry, but also less than. Zero is great as well. That's Robert Downey Jr. When he was at the height of his addiction being in a movie about addiction.

And Brett Easton Ellis, the namesake inspiration for Riverdale. Weston Wallace in Riverdale. He was great for like bad kids stuff. And we were like the perfect age for that, right? This was like the forbidden movie that you rented from Blockbuster

and watched with your friends and the, you know, with your hand on the pause button just in case someone comes in. Oh yeah, just wait. Like wild things. Every time I watch Wild things. I was so scared someone was going to find out.

Yeah. But I heard, yeah, wild things was, I mean, that's why we love that PIN 15 episode, right? I mean, that just was perfect. Oh, my God. There's an episode that revolves entirely, on PIM 15 that revolves entirely around them watching Wild Things with like two other boys. Oh, yeah, that's good.

It was so perfect. It was like, I remember the shit out of this, like, except for I was definitely alone when I watched Wild Things in my TVVCR in my room. And I definitely had some tissues nearby. you know what I mean. Oh, you cried? I was beating my dick off.

Oh, yeah, and crying. You cried about the plight of teenage girls and what they have to go through to try and be sexy and edgy. Or were you crying while watching Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night? Which is a Pinocchio sequel. Can you just listen to this real quick?

It's about Pinocchio's life as a real boy. What does he do with his new meat body? He falls in love with a puppet, gets his humanity rescinded, drinks absent at a rave, and then makes the, quote, Emperor of the Knight, voiced by James Earl Jones, explode using the power of love. So Disney obviously didn't make this.

And apparently Disney got sued by the studio that did make it. Or I'm sorry, apparently Disney sued the studio that did make it. But I need to see this now. Again, it's called Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night, and I think that we need to watch it. I think it's great, and I don't think that Disney should have sued because Pinocchio is, it's not their story. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, Pinocchio is and will always be like the weirdest children's property ever. And like, for some reason, every single version of Pinocchio has to be, have creepy on purpose shit to completely alienate, you know, to become that movie that, like, kids are afraid of. I digress. No, that was just, that was scary all on its own. It didn't even have to try to be scary. Pinocchio still kind of creeps me out. Yeah, it's terrifying. My brother used to chase me around the house with a book,

with a Pinocchio book that had illustrations in it. It was scary. A little chase me around the house with it. I'd be like, ah! Like I was afraid of the book. Like everything has to be terrifying. And I am going to round this out with the Birds to Land's End, which is 30 years after the first movie,

and in the same cinematic universe, a family moves to Gull Island and is attacked by Gulls. Who could possibly see this coming? The only real additions are that, A, we know that the birds are doing this because they're mad at us over global warming, and B, the birds explode. Very much the crow vibes from the screenshots of this.

Explosions. It is docks being exploded. Again, I got to see this. I think I have to see it. Oh, yeah. And that's our list for the day. And I thought that it was, I hope that you liked it. And I will say the quiet place too held up as a sequel.

Hell yeah. I really enjoyed it. Also just wanted to throw it out there. I think I'm going blind. It's items. Oh, we can't see them. Got a couple for you today. First one is just, I think, something interesting to keep in mind.

When checking out the review site, always remember they are owned by a movie studio. Be especially wary when you see the scores of the movie. from that studio. There's actually two that this one listed, but I think they're both relevant. Any guesses what movie review sites? Rotten fucking tomatoes. Yeah, do you know who owns them?

No, who? Warner Brothers. What? No. I guess. That's what this blind is purporting. I should have probably followed up and made sure that was true.

Allegedly. Allegedly. Evil. I never, see, I never trust the first number. Never trust rotten tomatoes. You know. You know how I feel about it? Hook.

Like anything, anything that is anything. go just, this is my suggestion to you. Find friends, even if they're like fake internet friends, find some friends whose opinions you value. Hey, my internet friends are real. They're real people on the other side of the computer. And let those people be your

soundboard, be your, or your, like, little reviewers. Because I know that if, like, Henry says a horror movie's good and Jackie, you say a horror movie's good, and then maybe, like, Kistel says a horror movie is a must see. I know to watch that horror movie. Yeah. But if I hear one of you say, it's shit. And one of you say it's great. I might be a little more hesitant or go in with a little bit

lowered expectations, correct? Right. So I just, I think just find like-minded people because I have this pet peeve of mine always. My dad always would use the Charlotte Observer reviewer and I hated this guy's guts and I never agreed to his opinions. And every time I was like, I'm going to go see a movie and my dad be like, oh, well, the guy at the Charlotte Observer, I mean, he's got a real job as a film critic. He must be right about everything. He hated that movie. And I'm I'm like, good. I know I'll like it then. Yeah.

Because I never gives opinions I agree with. I hate that guy. And my dad would like just take his word for everything. Like he was like, just because it's in newsprint, he's got to trust it. Anyways, the other one is a little more obscure. What's another like movie website? Let's just start there. Movie phone.

No. Sandango. No. Like database. IMDB. Yeah. Do you know who owns them? No.

Bezos, bro. No, not Bayes. It's Amazon. You did it. So IMDB does ratings as well. Any fucking Amazon movie, check it out. Maybe might have some bloated

five stars on there. I do find that not as much of the Amazon original content, of course, you know, pending like the boys and stuff like that. A lot of it I feel is not it's lied about. It's bloated out of proportion.

Yeah, it's a weird one, right? So I thought that was more of a food for thought one in a weird week of ones. Oh, not eating it down like a big old piece of pie. They all are owned, though. All of them, all of them are owned by some company that is probably connected to their own media supply and just know that and just stop trusting review websites.

Ron Tomatoes fucking sucks. It's the same as every interview, too. I mean, like even what you said with John Legend before. We're like, I appreciate the fact that Vox was open about the fact that legend's on the board. He's on the board, but he's on the board. They're connected. You know, all these big name people are connected to all these media sources in some weird way, all right? Don't get me started about the pedophiles of Hollywood.

No, I'm just going down that track, but I'm just saying. Not getting down that track, but I'm just saying, don't trust the eye of the deceiva. I don't know what that means. All right. this one comes in from a listener from Maya and I've kind of blind items dized their email. So here we go. Speaking of blank,

they're saying like this is a person we talked about, I believe in the last episode we did. Speaking of blank, uh-oh, which might put MJ at a deficit here for a little bit because I also think I read this email, which means that MJ is really gonna have to pay attention. I have to do it. Oh my gosh.

Speaking of blank and his horrible, movie. My old professor told me once this movie, Blank, Blank 2, filmed at my university in Ontario, Canada. My professor told us that one of the crew said, the person in question's big catchphrase from this 90s TV show that we all grew up with. They said the catchphrase to him and he got really pissy and there was a production wide ban on the catchphrase. So he definitely doesn't want to bring back the sitcom catchphrase.

We're talking about bringing back this sitcom. I'm just going to say hats, big hats on a girl. I'm going to say. He's not known for his horror movies. It's a sick of them. Not known for his horror movies, but this was a horror movie, an obscure horror movie that you'd never guess.

Blossom is the show, right? Yes. This catchphrase is, whoa! Yo! Yes! So, of course, the actor would be. Joey Lawrence. Yes.

Made a horror movie? Bonus points, if you can guess the horror movie. It's during the time of the horror, slasher, teen horror. Rebirth is a sequel to one of those mainline franchises. It's not Scream to it. But I know what you did last summer or two? No, what's the other one?

What's the even worse one? No, that's different. That's the sexy teen movie. That's not a slasher movie. That's not slasher. What's the other one? It's all good. I'll just give it to you.

It's Urban Legends, too. Oh, I wouldn't have gotten that one. I definitely saw Urban Legends one in the movie theater, though. I definitely have a very specific memory of scene. And I also saw Urban Legends too because I, because I was deathly attracted to Joey Lawrence. Oh, there you go. But don't go up to him and say, whoa.

I guess you don't, whoa. I love that they had to put a ban on it on the set of Irvillow. But also don't say, whoa. That's what you got famous for. All right, I'm sure it haunts him, you know, a little bit. And at the same time, I would definitely have screamed, whoa. Even if I was like a key grip, I would have done it. I wouldn't have been able to say it.

Oh, my God. He looks like Pitbull now. Yeah, he definitely doesn't look like the Joey you once knew. That's for sure nowadays. Oh my God, if you just put in Joey Lawrence into your Google Drive, look at the first picture that comes up because he has such a horrible choice of facial hair. Yes. He does look like, it makes me very upset.

And I don't like, I don't like that one. I don't like this version. Maya also says, also thanks for getting me through graduating during pandemic and working. a terrible office job that has nothing to do with my education. It's been a hard, hey, I hear you on that one, Maya, by the way, it's okay. We'll get through this together. It's been a hard year, and page seven brings me much needed laughter. Love you guys, and I hope you can come to Toronto someday.

P.S., I think a pop history of Jane Fondo would be amazing, and I agree. We definitely need to do a Jane Fonda pop history. Maybe we could even get MJ on that pop history. That could be fun. Ooh, I love that idea. Hell yeah. All right, that's it. I can see again, and I'm ready to go, and I'm ready to, hey, let's get on with the rest of

day. We did it, y'all. We did it. And MJ, I'm so happy that you're back and that you're feeling great. And any news to report on how you're feeling? You're weak out and you feel good? I feel great. And, you know, everybody's experience is really different. Some people have, you know, have recovery that takes a long time. I'm obviously trying to take it easy. And which I'm, it turns out I'm very not good at accepting help. It makes me angry to accept help. But, but yeah, I feel really good. and I'm really happy. I'm like just so immediately happy. I wasn't sure how I would feel and I just feel so good.

And so if, you know, you have voices of self-doubt in your head about how you think, what you think you like and feel like and you have like all these voices being like, maybe you're wrong. You might not be wrong. You might actually be able to trust yourself because I was like, maybe I'm just doing this

because I have a false consciousness for some reason and I'm going to hate. And then I did it and I was like, oh my God, this was the exact right thing to do. I'm so happy. And so, I'm imposter syndrome. The imposter syndrome finds itself in just every crevost of a fucking wild. In weird ways. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. So I am very happy and I'm so thankful to everybody's kind messages, both in the email and the Instagram messages and stuff. And one of my summer goals is to sit down and actually write everybody back, which I have yet to do. But I do, I'm trying to read as many messages as possible and to all the trans listeners out there and non-binary listeners and also

just everybody, cis listeners who have just been so kind. I'm so, so, so, so thankful. I love you. I'm so happy you're back and thank you guys so much for joining us today on page 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can find me on Instagram at Jack That Worm.

And you should totally come and join our Twitch community on Fridays with the newly rebranded name. Jacking with the Holdies. Jacking with the holdies. Well, probably just refer to it as Jackin, but Jacket with the Holdies will be its true full form. It's full title. I love that. Yeah. So we are changing. Well, we're not playing Japanese dating sims anymore. So if nothing else,

people might draw some weird racial connotations from the name Jacketys and we want to avoid it. It's like ridiculous. Also, I just want to better describe the show. And this show I think is better described by the phrase Jacket with the Holdies than it is Jacketies at this point. Because again, we no longer play Japanese dating sims. On that stream, though, I do believe, and I will at some point try to come through with a couple more play dates in the future. Oh, I'll have a play date with you. Just bonus.

We've got to play that new monster prom sequel monster camp. Okay, sign me up. We try to bang the sad ghost boy or whatever it is. I love banging a sad ghost boy. With consent. Twitch.d.d.m.4 slash hold naterso. Check us out on that.

Did you already pump the page seven, Patreon? Page 7, Patreon is patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. Check us out on that. Oh my God. And I just found out a huge thing in Breaking Dawn. I'm not going to do a spoiler right now.

But it was something that you guys did a very good job of keeping me from finding out. I was very surprised. And I just want to throw it out there. Page 7, podcast at gmail.com. It's page the number seven, the numeral seven, podcast at gmail.com.

Wait, it's not a Roman numeral. It's just the new, whatever, dude. Just fucking get over yourself, chat, or viewers or listeners. I can't even say what you are. Check us out on that. Dude, honestly, it's a really good time to send in celebrity conspiracies

because we are really at the bottom of the earlier, so I'm using a lot of listener Celebrity Conspiracy emails. Thank you again for those. And send your blinds into me. Obviously, you're sending your shout-outs into Jackie, and we really appreciate it. Thank you so much, everybody.

We love you. And I'm MJ and I'm MJKLKAT on Insta. Go send some love. We love you guys. Have a good one. Bye. This show is made possible. by listeners like you.

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