Page 7 - Ep. 411: Sometimes I Like to Be a Little Basic on the Internet

Episode Date: July 15, 2021

This week IS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS as we goss ‘bout the festivals that have risen from the ashes of Woodstock '99, Holden dishes all about his Daddy Moon with The Boys, the DJ they'll never forget and HIS MASSIVE HOG, Ashley Olsen went choppin' through the woods, Tiffany Haddish shared how EXCITED Face/Off made her and Paris Hilton is getting a new (less fun) cooking show! And in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; #FREEKANYE?! Did Kim try to put Kanye into the same conservatorship as Britney back in 2020?!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

everything is fuck everybody sucks you don't really know why but you want to just a fie rip it's head off yeah i'm getting into it no i'm not talking about what is it woodstock 99 holding yes that you keep bringing up because i just say i just want to break stuff sometimes yeah dude because they got on stage and they charged everybody a hundred dollars for a water and so then the limpiska got on stage and was like hey don't you hate the man man fuck rhymes with suck by the way i'm just so glad someone finally figured out the word fuck rhymes was suck. I don't know if Lynn Biskin was the inaugural user of the fuck-suck rhyme pattern, but I guess we'll give it to them.

Actually, probably the sex worker that said, do you want? Fuck sucks. Yeah, well, it's all about the he said, she said bullshit. Oh, right, please, but they told the men to burn down the festival and that we didn't even have a fun festival for another 10 years. I know. What's like to be a champion? Sorry, I've been thinking about a lot lately because of that This is Pop series.

they did an episode on festivals, and they covered the whole Wittstock 94, Woodstock 99 phenomenon. And it was weird. It was such a weird time in our history that we've forgotten about because since then, they kind of figured it out

with Coachella and Bonaroo. We kind of forgot, you know, Volapalooza survived all this time, but even that has changed drastically. They even talked about how, like, the first Coachella, they literally were like handing out free bottles of water in the, you know, as you walked in

just to say, hey, we're not going to make you so mad that you just want to literally burn our festival to the ground. But what about the family values tour? The family values tour is able to do it. Fuck yeah, bro. Are we seriously going to talk about it? Yeah, we'll fucking talk about the family values tour.

You want to talk about the fucking family values tour? Yeah, I want to talk about the fucking value store. I want to talk about Oz Fest. I want it to talk about Warp. I'll talk about Warp. Now I have a final, I can finally weigh in. That's the only festival that I've consistently. consistently attended.

Yes. Haven't been to a warp tour since 2003, but I can't imagine they've changed that much. No. No. Oh my God, you guys, welcome to page seven. Now, we've got, we have one MJ on vacay, but we were just discussing this.

Does not count as vacation if you are not only with your own children, but with other people's children as well. I think that you should be compensated for going somewhere else with more children than you usually have in your own children. home. Also, I'm in Woodstock, so it's basically Woodstock 2021. Oh my God, it's just one of these days. And are you going to go break stuff? I would love to. Are you going to have your children burn whatever structure you're staying in right now? I mean, straight up to the ground. That's the direction we're trending. We've got a two, three, four, and five-year-old all in a house together. And so it's basically a combination of the first Woodstock and the second Woodstock. That is really horrifying. Even I was more talking about. the amount of children that are in the house with you. And I am very impressed that you are doing it.

And, but again, if you want to go break stuff, I mean, I'll watch the kids. And if you think everything's fucked and if you think five things suck, then, you know, we can also say that. But Jackie, damn it. We lost MJ. We lost it as I was screaming towards MJ about what their kids were going to do. We lost them because they are trying to hide inside of a. garage of sorts to get away from all of the children

that they are on quote-unquote vacation with. I get it. Hey, look, my internet's gone down during these episodes before. Let's just plow through and see what happens. So I guess for me... Christ on a cross. I'm back. They're back!

Oh, my God. What were we just talking about? Should I talk about Vegas? Do you guys want to hear about Vegas? Yeah, tell us about so. Also, yeah, Holden just got back from Vegas on his baby moon boys trip. Yeah, I don't know. We need a name for this.

The trip. You can't call it the baby moon, because every time I say baby moon, and people go, but you went without Lexi. I mean, that's mostly just my mother. It's a daddy moon.

Call it a daddy moon. It's a daddy moon. I'm gonna say, if I'd taken Lexi, she may have had a difficult-ish time with the 115-degree heat. Yeah, and in a place where... Incessant cigarette smoke.

Yeah. And just the constantly, everyone being absolutely hammered and on mushrooms for most of it. So, yeah, I think that all of those things combined. Man, does a casino make a lot more sense in Vegas while on mushrooms? I have to say that for the first of foremost. I think you get to there and you go, God, this humanity, what is happening?

What depths have we descended to to create this monstrosity of capitalism? And then you eat the mushrooms. You're like, I completely get this. This is animalistic. We're animal tribal individuals. Also, the fascinating thing I think about Vegas, like we stay at a very fancy place. got a discount on this, whatever. I don't want to get that.

We might have so a mafia connections, as I'm just saying. Oh, my God, I am watching The Sopranos right now. I know all about it. Oh, fun. By the way, shout outs to Johnny Knuckles. You took care of us the whole time. Thank you so much, dude.

I'll never tell them where that, quote, unquote, problem wins. Oh, no. I'll never tell them about the, quote, unquote, breathing problem that we had to deal with. I'm very scared of that. We killed a man in Vegas. That said, starting at one of the fanciest, I would say, resorts there.

And then walking, and essentially we would, we went on a magical journey from absolute, utter, total, complete luxury and just slowly watch the class descend. And we got all the way until our final casino we got to, which is the Cortez, which is like the, that's the place where it's just old school. It's like 80s style. You say it's disgusting. Yeah, but isn't the disgusting part of the magic? Fucking awesome part of it. But it's just wild to see like, you will see every like angle of America in this town, in this one town. You know what I mean?

Like you'll just see it all. You'll go from the lap of luxury to literally like the deepest depths of sadness. You know what I mean? In terms of, I mean, you don't have to, you know, not the luxury, not that rich people are happy. But, you know, not sadness. Just just just the, the. crazy decline you watch happen. And I'll tell you what, the shittier parts way the funner part.

Yeah, of course it is. Of course. Because, I mean, I grew up in a casino town and like the older the casino, the less updated the casino, the better. Yes. And Fremont is bananas. That's like the outdoor place where you can do, you know, take your beers around. Everyone's hammered.

There's just insane people. I literally watched it. was like, there were these hilarious, like, tourist bands where, like, they were like, this one group was called like Spandex Nation and they were just like 80s hair metal, you know, just doing a bunch of covers. And there was this other band. It was like a lady, a front woman. And I think she was singing bad romance.

And there was literally just this middle-aged, like super white trash drunk lady, literally just arms up, like fully laid out on the ground like a pencil, just rolling around to the music. She was so high. And then she like, God, I was like, this is Jackie in 20 years. She got up, wrapped the first guy she saw, and just started dancing with her, like, straight off of the ground. You got to wait. I have to marry Jeff first before you can divorce me to get me to that floor, rolling around, like a little roly-poly. I'm just going to be a butterfly.

I'm going to be a butterfly. It was a disaster. Then we ended up hiding in, I forget the name of the bar, but there was like a vampire dance party in the back. and of course they recognized Henry and I guess the DJ's name was like DJ like Night Blades or something like that. It was awesome because we were all

just in the bar because we were tripping really hard and not there to be at a Gothic vampire dance party. But when in Gothic dance party, I mean take off your clothes and start kissing. I couldn't move. It was one of those points in the night where I was like, I can't move from this spot. I can talk nonsense at you for the next hour

but I will not be standing up unless I will piss my pants and I need to take care of that. Like, I am in the depths of the tripping, right, and the craziness. So that all said, shout-outs to DJ. I think your name was. DJ, whatever. Night weapons. Sling blade?

I'll never forget you, DJ. But I can't remember if a shout-out-out-up. Question mark. I literally watched hammered gopkin after hammered gopkin get kicked out of the back of that bar. Oh, of course. Over and ever again. Just hammered people.

Tiny girls, big guys. Just all of them. A line, a constant revolving line of people getting kicked out of that crazy goth dance party. So I'm sad. I didn't actually get back to meet you Nightblades. But I don't even think your name's DJ Nightblades, but it's something close. But it's sick of shit if it is. And I supported 100%.

It was funny. I mean, I don't even know what to say. Ben was throwing the dice off the table at one point in the crowd. to my, we were laughing at that. Just the description of all of this. Like, I don't know if I can hang with it. Like, I don't know if I could do Vegas anymore. I feel like old Jackie could do Vegas.

Right? Yeah, that's how I feel, too. We walked over eight miles the first night. You only got one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow? That's right, dude. Dude, and I did. I won a freestyle competition.

It was amazing. Wow. That, no, that. Wait, really? Yeah, yeah. I was like, doing the freestyle competition, but I was like, it's not right. It's not right.

Lexi's not here. And then the back of the crowd, I see a little bit of movement, I see a little blonde. You see the pregnant belly, yeah. Someone's just like, what are you doing here? Bitch, you're pregnant? You know what I mean?

Some audience were, bitch you're fucking pregnant, you know what I mean? Everybody's yelling. Yeah, I know all about what you mean. Being pregnant, being in Vegas. Except my fucking pregnant-ass wife in the crowd. Everyone was just like, oh, oh.

They were saying my rap name. What's your rap name? H-dong, H-dong, H-dong. Oh, H-dong. Dawn. Yeah, age dong. Fuck yeah. Wow.

By the way, the guys all unanimously decided that they think I got a hog on me and I'm happy about that. Wow, that is a nice thing to say. They were like, we've done a lot of research and we're pretty sure you're packing.

I can't differentiate between what is fiction and what is reality at this point. Weirdly enough, the former was, wait, wait, the latter, I don't know what former ladder meeting where. The ladder, I think is the last thing. The big hog is true. The latter is nonfiction.

The latter's nonfiction, the former. Absolutely friction. I'm so sorry, MJ, I never ended up at a freestyle competition in Las Vegas. Lexi didn't drive five hours to surprise me at said competition. But you could have. You never know. I'm glad that you got a big hug. I'm happy for you, though.

No, it's not. I mean, it's fine. It's just, it's fine. But I like that the guys think I've got, I'm just got some kind of monster going. So you didn't pull out your P&I at the table in Vegas? Yeah, how did that come up? Shockingly, I did not. Yeah.

Shockingly, guys talk. Hey, the guys talk and the guys listen, you know what I mean? There's a lot of back and forth going on. They talk and they bring out their hugs. Yeah, we just talk about, like, literally guys talk about, like, four things. That's one of them. What happens in Vegas, I guess. It's talked about on a podcast.

The thing is that I've known and worked and hung out with all of you guys for 20 years at this point. And I, you guys very rarely, is this part of the reason? why I wasn't invited. I mean, guys. We can't talk about our dongs. We definitely talked so much about, like, I mean, we literally just, man, I'm about it. We literally just be like, all right, guys, I kind of go back to the room, fucking blast a nut and take a nap.

We'll see it a little bit. Oh, though. It's, again, very similar to your vacation, MJ, right? How similar on a scale. I got a class of fucking Jack Daniels on the rocks. Look, guys, I don't know about you. I'm at the pool, standing around, just looking at it. There was a pool, by the way, at our hotel where the ladies could be,

have their breasts out, which is fun. That's great. That is fun. I think it's awesome. Hell yeah. You do you. Holden's going to be on my vacation in about two years. Yes.

And I'm going to have left my children with a capable, loving adult, and I will be in Vegas with Jackie, and I will be talking about our hugs, and we'll be. Freestyle in. Oh, we're going to be freezing. I'll be making it up for last time. Oh, we're going to be freestyling. And it's going to be amazing. I'm not going to lie.

I would love to do that with y'all too. Honestly, I'm sure I probably won't be allowed to by my police officer. By that, I mean, my wife. I'm just kidding. I love my wife. Man, when you say it, though, like that, then everybody believes it. I know that to be true. But yeah, yeah.

I would love to roll up with you guys. I think it would be so, so fun. Yeah. I want to, too. I mean, I am having a great time, but it's just not the same as a trip to Vegas with Henry and Ben and all of those guys. But, you know, it is not the same apartment that I've been being in for the last, I think, approximately 19 months.

Yeah. And so that part is, it's about as thrilling as the Las Vegas strip to literally be anywhere. I mean, yeah. I feel like, though, MJ, if there was a picture taken of you out there, it would look a lot like the picture that was taken of Ashley Olson, hiking in the woods. And I would hope that that would be the case. I imagine your kids would just be running along in front of you.

And guys, if you have not looked at this picture, look up Ashley Olson hiking. She has a glass of whiskey in one hand. She has a machete in the other hand. She's got easies on a beret in some sort of. yoga toga? Yeah, she looks great. Yeah, I said yoga toga. Her outfit is honestly, I've also seen different descriptions, different interpretations.

I've seen some people be like, it's a beer and a glass, which I don't think it is. I think it's whiskey. Some people be like it's, she's got a backwards baseball hat on. There's a lot of different interpretations of exactly what's going on with her. Oh, maybe it is a backwards baseball hat. I thought it was a parade. I got really excited about the beret. I mean, you know, it could be, there's a lot.

It's like, it looks like a big. one piece white flowy thing, but it actually is probably separate sweatpants, a white, white sweatpants, white sweatshirt, shirt, and like a, some sort of, again, flowy thing. And she's got this machete. She's, you know, you can't even really see her face, but she looks very dead pan. And I saw my favorite meme of this was the like millennials, how it started, how it's going. And it's like a picture of her like at Disneyland and full house and then this. I really, I just feel, I've always felt a little connected to the Olson twins because I'm their exact same age and I loved full house. And even though I never looked like a normal child like they did where they were like

the ultimate normal child and I wasn't. I just, I was like, yeah, you're, you're what people like me are supposed to be like. You're like a girl like my age is supposed to look like you. And I guess I identify you with you for that. And so I always feel I like them and I like her even more after this picture. Yeah, I'm also just going to go ahead and say like even, I mean, this looks, you know, you got a drink in your hand, you got these robes on. She looks kind of casual and chilling. And at the same time, I think I want to say, like, I've been in height, little Woody hikes like these, little woodsie hikes, not Woody hikes.

I'm not like sporting a fucking bone. I don't know. You got that hog down there. You're talking about hogs everywhere you go. I just love that they think that I do. I just love they're like, we've made some. They even said it to me. They're like, we've made some assessments.

And we have a feeling that you're- Wait, may I ask who the spokesperson was of this? conversation? Good question. I think it was, it was like Kissel and Travis maybe. I could see that. Henry, Ed. Yeah, they all the boys. They all. Kisle's got to say how he feels and I completely understand. Someone brought this up in an email to me earlier about talking about how on roundtable the way that Kissel would open himself up towards me. And you know what? I do, you know what? I appreciate the honesty. He honestly said some very sweet things to me on this trip, which was, Kisle was So sweet.

He's so nice. This is why you want to have fun, you want to just not have Kissel say anything terrible to you? Just be with him in Vegas. He's in his natural element. He's never seen a creature. A bear in his natural habitat. Yeah.

I've seen monkeys in the jungle. I've seen, you know, fish in the sea. I've never seen a creature more in their natural environment than Ben Kisle in the Las Vegas strip. That is just where he belongs. That's where he should be. tell you what, I wish I looked like Ashley Olson though on a hike because I was on a hike literally last week out to go see the heart rock out, I don't know. Jeff thought it would be

nice and romantic and I just, man, burst into tears probably halfway in, absolutely terrified. Me too, I don't like a hike. I'm just like you. I completely cannot. It's supposed to be an easy trail and he showed me he's like it says easy. And I'm like, then why? I'm so scared though. And even though it's just like a really steep thing, I'm like, I can't hold on to anything. I gotta go up the steep thing. And also, what if you trip, it is just a sharp edge down into

some sort of rapids rocks. Well, I'm sorry, we got lost in my boner again. You got lost. I think you got lost in your boner again. It's because it's so big. A group of men told me I have a big penis. I mean, come on. Don't you want to live in that for a little bit?

Yeah. But any who, what I was going to say is like, looks like she's just on like a casual little stroll through the woods, but damn it, it's so nice to have a fucking big, dumb machete like that. I mean, a stick will do the trick, I guess. But she just has that because she knows she's going to encounter some annoying shit.

And instead of getting your face of spider web all up on your bullshit, she's just going to hack away at it instead. Which that's awesome. It's just common sense. Yeah. Yeah, and I love her. I feel like she's not only got whiskey in that glass. It looks like it might be a very nice cocktail.

maybe a whiskey soda at the least. Like she mixed for the trip. She thought it all through. She's thriving. Yeah, she is a little. And she deserves it. Yeah. Those guys had a hard time of it, man.

Do you remember how disgusting the world was to them? It is easy to forget. When they turned 18, yeah. Our world was monstrous to them. There was a fucking countdown clock to when these children turned 18, these famous for being children, children. It was disgusting. And then they were, you know,

so scrutinized for, you know, disordered eating. And it was just, they had the worst fucking time of it. And then, you know, one of them definitely dated that guy who was really old. And they just had so much scrutiny. Right. And I'm just so happy to see her thriving. The Heath Ledger things a little, I don't know, but other than that, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's been some questionable choices made.

But haven't we all? This is the thing. Haven't all millennials had their questionable choices? their struggles. And we haven't all had it play out in front of the world from the time that we were literally babies and had no choice. You know, they had no choice about their fame.

That's crazy. And John Stamos, John Stamos is over here being like, I guess I'm happy for them. Imagine not only did you have this whole life on Bull House, but for the rest of your life, people are going to be asking Bob Sagitt, John Stamos, and Dave Cooleyer about you.

About you. Like these grown-ass men, grown-dous men who haven't talked to you probably since you were 12 and they're like, yeah, I mean, I don't know. That's a 35-year-old woman. I can't speak for her anymore. No, but except that all we think about is that they were going to sell their own brother for 50 cents.

Brother for sale, only 75 cents. Brother for sale. They go all the way down to 50 cents. What kind of whole, cold-hearted bitches they are. They were going to sell their own brother for 50 fucking. Come on, he probably sucked. Right? He's probably annoying.

Also, though, speaking of Olson's siblings, how weird is it that now, Elizabeth Olson, they're, she really probably got the best end of everything because she didn't have the totally messed up childhood. She's so talented. And she's so talented.

Oh, she's so talented. And now she has like a fantastic career. And I wonder how Mary Kate and Ashley feel about that. I hope that they're happy for her. Well, they're doing great because they have their whole, like, a design, like fashion design line. Yeah. And they're doing really well,

but outside of the spotlight. So good for them. Good for all of them. And it seems like that they support each other. And I think that that is just, oh, it's dynamite. And dude, honestly, if you're going to even go through a casual walk through the woods, as long as you're not going to freak someone else out,

honestly, a machete rules for that. Because any brush or dumb shit that gets in your way, you just do a couple swings and it's over. Yeah, dog. All right? And maybe you're slowly killing the forest, but whatever. Sometimes the forest needs a little, like, discipline.

Okay? That's what she's doing. She's disciplining the forest. Yeah, well, everyone's like, oh, plants are alive, so we can't even eat plants anymore. I'm just going to at least exist on oxygen-only diet. And I'm like, you have an eating disorder? A, B, if the plants can feel and think,

then why are they all up in my bullshit? They need banners. What did you just watch Notting Hill? I always think about nodding Hill when she thinks that vegetables have feelings. And they're all like, oh, yeah, sure. I have never seen that film. I'm a roll fruitist, I believe is what she said.

I will never now watch that film unless you make me do a pop history. Uh-oh. I think I put that down somewhere in my brain. I just asked to watch Shottick Hill. Yes, I did. You have done this to yourself, and I will not accept any of the blame. As much as I don't know if Nicholas Cage can accept any of the blame for Tiffany Haddish's first orgasm. This, I wasn't, I don't know.

I read this article a couple of times. I love me. And I think it's, I love Tiffany Hadd. Me too. I think I'm, I think she's absolutely fantastic. She's amazing. She has clawed her way up. She's so fucking talented.

And I love, something I love even more about her is that apparently her first orgasm. All right, go with me, guys. The first orgasm she had was when she was on a date going to see Face Off for the first time. yes, the 1997 film Face Off, and she came for the first time while somebody was finger-blasting her, and right after she came, she looked into the open, maniacal eyes

of Nick Cage in Face Off. And throw it out there. Face Off is, and you go ahead and put me to the reins. Face Off is a perfect movie. Face Off is amazing. And I understand how you could come while watching Face Off. I mean, I'd still like to put you in some rain, But yes, Facebook is a great movie.

I will rain you up. Faceoff is a perfect movie, yes. But that said, I watched it really recently, probably during the pandemic. And it is, I don't think. This kind of, MJ, MJ, this kind of sounds like a I'm not racist. Faceoff is perfect. Oh, you ain't coming to face off?

It's probably at the bottom of my list for faces. that actor's face in that movie, literally any face he makes, the entire movie, is at the bottom of my list for what I want to see during that kind of mood. Because it, that movie is, you know, the best, weirdest, worst, absolutely most insane movie ever made. And Nicholas Cage is, I don't know, you know, I'm sure we could have a whole podcast series about who. who's crazier in that movie, John Travolta, Nicholas Cage. God, they're so good. They're so good at acting like each other. They are.

It is like, come at me. Go ahead and come at me. They are so good at playing each other. No, you're right. I'm looking at you, Jumanji 2. You could have taken a couple notes from Face Off. You're right. Because I was looking forward to Jumongi 2.

What? And I'm going to say this here. What? And they did, Jumangi 2 disappointed me. What? I loved the Jumongi 2. No, the first one. of the reboot. Amazing and perfect. I love them both. You loved Boat? I love them boat. I liked it,

but I wanted it to be better. Oh, I know. Well, it can always be better, Jackie, but can't we just appreciate the things we have? It was just because I was so excited. My needs were all the way up here, and apparently this would all, I'd feel much better if I just watched Paddington 2, which I haven't watched Paddington 1 or 2 yet. And everyone says, well, if you need a sequel to fill your loins, well, maybe it's not Paddington 2. Apparently it's a very good movie. I hope it doesn't make you horny though. Jackie, I hope.

I mean, who knows? I love his little hat. But I will say this. I think my favorite part of the story, going back to Tiffany Haddish's O face while seeing Nick Cage eye to eye in that moment, which by A, she alluded to the fact she never had an orgasm before.

Yeah, it was her first. Which is good for that guy. Yeah. But I also feel like we got to get education out there. I want to send like a team around to schools called like the bean flickers. Or you could totally go ahead and check out talking sex with Jay

and Dr. Jay every Tuesday night and come talk to me and our fun sex therapist, friend, and we can talk about these things. Because you're right, it is sad. Yeah. That, like, it took a long time for not only, I didn't expect anyone to ever get me off. Yeah, she had to get it from someone else

that eludes to the fact that, of, I think, a society in which women feel uncomfortable to masturbate. And are told that it's disgusting for young people, identifying as women to masturbate and how they should feel shame for it. Right, right. But that's its own point. My favorite part of the story is actually not that.

But my favorite part of this story is the fact that she did not remember the incident until she met him in person. And then it clipped. And then felt compelled to tell him. This is the craziest part of the story. This is Nick Cage. I love Tiffany Addish so much. I love it.

Even if you've only ever seen Face Off, he's a legend. Even if you're not familiar with any of the rest of his, work. It's Nick Cage. It's Nick Cage. The most, like, the example of, like, the weirdest celebrity. And you look at him, you get this memory. Wow, the first time I came, I was watching face off in a movie theater. And then you feel the, you feel like you can't not tell him. She was like, I could it not. I had to. And, but she was also like, is this going to be a story that makes him feel harassed, which is a great question to ask, because it is a pretty weird story to tell someone. but he thought it was great because of course he did because he's Nicholas K.

Yeah, of course. I also, I do appreciate the fact that she thought about that and thought about that as that she said, she's like, I don't want to like creep him out. I'm not telling him, which I do appreciate because I feel like there are times. It's a creepy story. It is. I feel like there were times in my life that, that I would have done something like that just to upset someone. Right. And good for her that she was like, no, I feel like I can't not think about it, so I want to let him know.

but she's Tiffany Haddish who is, she's amazing. So of course she was able to like do it effortlessly so that he laughed about it. And I'm just glad that she didn't realize this because I don't know if you guys have seen the trailer for the movie that Nick Cage is in right now called Pig, where he loses his truffle pig. And apparently it is very good. Really? Yeah, apparently it's really good. I have only seen the stills of it. I'm like, what the fuck is this movie?

and it keeps popping up. But I think it would be probably weirder if she saw that movie and kept thinking about coming instead because he doesn't, I don't know if it's a sexy film about a pig. I mean, this is the thing, any Nicholas Cage movie is weird to come to.

Like any, there is not a one where you're like, oh, that's totally... Ooh. Makes sense. I don't know, Conair. I think I could slip out of the chair with Conair. I think Conair could be... Bad Lieutenant when he just fucking starred...

Oh, my God. Don't even bring that shit in front of the... Yeah, yeah. Confession, confession. Bad Lieutenant was sexy to me from a young age, and it was very, very upsetting. Talked about that in therapy in a very young age. Also, do you guys have this because I talked about this last week, I think, about how weirdly like Brendan Fraser is just up in my old jerk scenes. Because remember, because he was in bedazzled. And I used to use that Elizabeth Hurley in that made me very horny as a boy.

I don't think the new generation has this at all, by the way, the proximity people who are just in their weird masturbation sessions. It is weird that you brought this up. But they just go on the internet. That's true. But they could just go on the, I mean, for the most part, right? Right. Mainstream PG movies are not the spank thing for people who have the internet in their pockets, I think.

Not anymore. Yeah. Do you all have any weird memories of like, oh, I weirdly had to like, because I think my weirdest one was, remember the Morai Carey video and there was that guy, who was like, hey, hey, hey, it was like an older dude. And, like, I was just going to town on myself, and this guy was just always, also Willie Nelson and the Jessica Simpson music video for Dukes of Hazard. I thought you meant in a Mariah Carey song was like, I know for a fact that Willie Nelson and Mariah

Carrie have never done a song together. No, no. I'll try to look up the Mariah Carey one while. Is it the fantasy music video? I think so. I know that you, I know, I remember you and Marcus both love. I was going to say, I associate the fantasy video with Marcus more than old. Yes.

He talked about that a lot. It is weird, though, because I did recently this week, which I forgot to talk about on talking TV, I watched Blast From the Past, and I hadn't seen it in such a long time, but I watched it a bunch when it was out, and I didn't realize how much of, like, what I was looking for in a partner was linked to Brendan Frazier and Christopher Walken in Blast from the past. And that's saying something Because also, Jackie, he lived in a bunker

Underneath the ground And that's the person you base your partner off of But that's, you know, neither here nor there. Oh, is it Lover Boy? It might be Lover Boy, but I will, yes, it's Lover Boy. Oh my God, went to town to myself and there's this guy in it. I'm pretty sure it's lover boy. And there's just a guy to, there's just like, hey, hey, hey,

who's this old guy? And, yes, this guy. And then Willie Nelson, I'm looking at the video right now, Willie Nelson in a Jessica Simpson music video for that Duke's a Hazard movie. She would like wash a car and a bikini and all this stuff and I used to, let's just say, use that video. And just Willie Nelson, just while I'm spanking it,

just watch Willie Nelson sing a song. My closest analog to this is the ALEA video for Are You That Somebody? Because I like, it was a mix of like being, thinking she was so hot and I didn't, I didn't really want to kiss her, but I wanted to look like her. And I just thought, I was like, so, it was a very arousing video. I don't, I didn't know how to locate the arousal exactly, but it was like, get a lot for me.

Exactly. Such a good description of like trying to figure it out in Middles. You're like, I get this in a pants way, but I don't know how or why. Yeah. I'm feeling a lot. We were talking about this last week on the episode. We were talking about sexual awakenings and of talking about like, what is it me?

It's like in a time period before you understand. and your sexuality, the feelings that like, oh, this turns me on. You watch things that you're like, I don't know, I'm just drawn to some reason because you don't have the vocabulary in your body yet. Exactly. And so I felt that way about Alia's video,

already that's somebody, but it's interspersed with all this doctor doolittle footage, you know? And so... Perfect example. Soundtrack movie, spank, bank music video, rather, is like the best example. Yeah, just there it is. Not a professor.

This is like randomly Eddie Murphy is there. Which you don't find. I mean, I get it. Oh, was it, did it also have the guinea pig in it where he was like, the answer my friend is blowing in the wind? You know what it is? I love that part. For me also, I'm going to throw it out there too.

Austin Powers, man. Heather Graham. I have a buck-toothed fucking Mike Myers in the background of many of the sessions I've had with my side. It is so weird. And now no one will know. This is a relic of an older time, right? This is a different this is totally like, doesn't exist I feel like anymore for the most part

for a lot of the children out there. So I just want, if you're a child just starting to masturbate, you're listening to this program. I'm not saying I want any part of it but I'm saying, consider yourself lucky you fucker because you get the buffet of

delights. But I'll say this, the tradeoff kid. is that I don't have your weird, I don't need to get stepped on to shoot a fucking load out. Whoa, you don't have to kink shame holden. Some of us need to stare at Nick Cage. But you know what I mean?

I just feel like that's the trade-off is that you also get exposed to so much of it. So much of it. You know what I mean? All of a sudden you're like, I have to smell shit just to get a bonus. Yeah, and then there are sometimes

when you look at someone like Paris Hilton who doesn't know how to cook be given a cooking show from Netflix to realize that your life doesn't matter. You know, she got a full, like, can you imagine being given the opportunity to have a cooking show on Netflix? And she doesn't, the whole joke is that she doesn't know

how to cook, remember? Yeah, I remember. Remember when she made the lasagna? It's awesome. I loved it, though. We all loved it. I know. We all loved it.

I'm going to watch it. It's so good, but the only problem is the premise is going to fuck it up. They're copying the Selena Gomez premise of a celebrity coming in and showing her out of cook. The funny part was her trying to do it herself. And I don't know if they're going to match that. I mean, it's going to be, I'm sure it'll be an entertaining show.

I'm sure it'll be fun. But it always bugs me when I see something like this. And I'm just like, but come on. I mean, can I just be in the room for the pitch? Because, like, this isn't the show. That's not what people came for. And this is really, like, completely, like, a disservice to the show. No, what they should be doing is they give her ingredients.

and give her a picture of what she's supposed to make and say make it. That's what I want to watch. I want to see that show. Like nailed it but with Paris Hilton. Exactly. Nailed it, but just Paris Hilton instead of random people. Exactly.

Also, they should have it be really simple, like things that most functional adults know how to make because she just won't know how to do it. It's like, right, I think that it is, even though we loved it so much, I do think that there's just no way, you're going to kill the joke because the whole thing that was so good,

about it was that she was like sincerely making this lasagna, but also it wasn't like she was trying. That was the best. She was just like, I don't know, I guess. Remember when she had the gloves on and she mixed the meat? Do you remember with the gloves on? With her cut off gloves. Like it was so perfect and they're going to beat it to death. It's like when you listen to a song too much.

It's just like, this was perfect because she was doing this. She didn't give a shit. Nobody gave a shit. She didn't know what she was doing. It was awful, but it was so good. And now they're going to try to overproduce it, and you're right, hold it. It's not even the right premise.

The industry right now, just throw it out there, has literally no idea how the fuck to monetize what people love right now. No. Yeah, that's true. They don't podcasts, TikTok, like, they don't know how to do it. Exactly. It explains what happened with Quibi, where it's like, you guys, stop trying to make this into this huge corporation thing

when, like, part of the reason why people like it is because they are fringe little what-off things. And that sometimes you can't beat the dead horse. See, I just create it into a hamburger. I've been dying to, I guess that is true. Yeah, you beating a dead horse will eventually turn it into some type of food. A hamburger, but is it the kind that you want? No, I guess not.

It's not that Kobe beef I had in Vegas either way. Oh, give them the Kobe beef. Oh, right. Before we, you know what, a great segue. Kobe beef right into Cotties. This goes out to Andrew. Andrew wrote in to us and said, I don't know why, but I immediately needed to share this with you guys. I saw it on TikTok and I wish I had a trigger warning.

Proceed with caution, but also I kind of want them. Thank you so much, Andrew. Andrew sent us a link. Trigger warning fish samples. Now I have seen this. They're fish sandals. And it makes me immediately, they are called Coddy's, C-O-D-I-E-S. You put your, I think you put your foot.

in its ass and your toes peek out of the mouth of the bitch. The only thing I immediately thought of was how much Holden was going to throw up as well as how much Tom Cruise would love this. Tom Cruise would love it. That's true. I would love it. I was just screaming. He's so upset.

Why? Because I've never been, everyone knows the feat thing with me. I've just disgusted. I'm enthralled and disgusted. I get it. I've just never been exposed to so many upsetting. There's not even a foot in the picture, but imagining a foot sliding into those fish.

Oh, you can scroll for the feet. There's pictures. What if, Holden, what if we combine the premise for Katie Perry's fruit sandals, fruit flaps, where it smells like fruit, we take the fish flaps, they smell like fish,

like raw fish at the supermarket. Honestly, how could they not? Because they're made of, like, slippery rubber. Honestly, think of wearing. wear a man. You're out of lake. Send them to me. Your feet get wet. They get dried. Your feet get wet, they get dry. Your feet get wet,

they get dry. You know when you shove your feet into sandals and it's like, oh, they're a little bit wet. And the fuck that comes from that shoe, I think it's going to already smell bad, right? Jeff, it's a rubber shoe like a crock,

like a flofer. I know you love your crocs, MJ. MJ, MJ, if you go ahead and sexually assaulted by Tom Cruz. I'm going to sit back. Yeah, they're going to get foot fucked. I don't like that talk.

What did I say? I'm going to get foot fucked. I'm just saying it's a rubber shoe and give me the shoe and I'll wear it. That's all I'm saying. If you send it to me. I thought you're talking about wearing the raw fish meat. No, I'm not wearing the raw fish meat.

Jackie's too describing that the shoe is going to smell bad because it's like a sandal. It's just a rubber shoe. It's just the same as any other shoe is what I'm saying. And I'm saying, I say God bless it. Oh, say God bless it.

I'll wear the rubber shoe that looks like a fish. Yeah. It's just, it's just a sandal shaped like a fish. Why is it so offensive? It's just a realistically fish shaped sandals, like a billy bass for your two feet. What is the problem? Oh, God, extra billy bass.

I don't know if I need extra billy bass in my life. They should make it sing, and then I would buy it two pairs. Oh, my God. My God, I was trying to look for, I'm going to go ahead and say this right now. If you have a Billy Bass that I can give to Kissel, please send it to me. I'm trying to find one that's not, that's going to actually work. Apparently, they don't sell them anymore, and I've been looking on eBay. Dick, but to the river.

I think that Kissel has to have one, and his birthday is coming up, and I think he needs one in his life. There's got to be, you got to be able to get one on eBay or something. Get him the fish, fish fucker sandals. Should I get him fish fucker sandals? Get the largest size they have. That'd be so funny. I'll tell you what, though. Y'all can get a celebrity conspiracy up in her.

Yeah. Is it about fish fucking? Do you believe it? Hashtag free conier? Sounds like something I believe that. That just took me back. I know, right? This one comes in from Aaron who says,

Hey, fuckers. This seems up. You're out. It's pronounced fish fuckers. Yeah, thank you. This pronounced fish fuckers, please. All right, we're team Tom. It was a simple link to a video done by Clever News on YouTube

who gives a whole rundown of the fan theory. Essentially, many think that Kim tried to put Kanye in the same kind of conservatorship as Brittany back in 2020. Whoa, this is a real conspiracy. It's kind of a real one. I mean, it's sort of like all... Yeah, it's already kind of true. Well, you have to believe what Kanye says,

which is at the end of the day, it is kind of difficult because he was, especially back at this point, but I do sort of believe it, but you do have to connect a couple dots that aren't necessarily like proven. Right. Hit me with the dots. Here we go. Back around this time, as we both, all three remember, Kanye ran for president and opened up way too much about Kim's reproductive history to rally among many other things.

I mean, running for president is crazy enough, am I right? Come on, people. Am I right? Oh, I know it. Shortly after that, yay tweeted out, quote, they tried to fly in with two doctors to 5150 me. I've been trying to get divorced since Kim met with Meek at the Waldorf for, quote, prison reform. He later deleted the tweet, but also tweeted she was flying out to lock him up, quote, like on the movie Get Out because I cried about saving my daughter's life yesterday,

which is an annoying thing to say. He later apologized for everything on Twitter, but still, Britney Spears, and this is really the front, long and short of it, Britney Spears also got 5150 before her conservative ship was established. And I think the real interesting thing here is that also one of the folks responsible, like one of the major players responsible for Britney's conservatorship is a guy named Lou Taylor. And he is connected to Kim through like business stuff. Whoa. He's like on her team essentially.

Whoa. And so the idea is her with this guy took the steps that were taken initially for Brittany back in two. 2008 or what 2009? No, 2000, yeah, end of 2007, beginning 2008. To get her, you know, conservatored up. Like those kind of initial steps started to get taken, and then obviously it didn't happen. So do you all think Kim tried to get Kanye Brittanyed?

I'm going to throw it out there. I think it would make sense. It would make so much sense. Yeah. And not that I think that what, if that is true, that what she is doing is valid and all right, but he was saying things, and obviously like even to the public,

we've talked about this before, the man needs help. He does need to be taken more seriously of how scary what he says, especially about their intimate life, especially about their family, especially about his kids, that I feel like straight up,

if that was my kid, if he was out there talking inside baseball about my fucking children, I would probably go to that extent of a way to make him be quiet. I agree. that to definitely like must have must have

at least try to get him committed but I mean I know people who needed to be that to have they even committed themselves right to like go when they were going through a mental break but I don't know if like that necessarily means that she would try to then and then get a conservatorship going I think she definitely tried to get him submitted to a hospital for

for monitoring I would I would assume, especially with the amount of money and the amount of pull that they have, that there's no way that they wouldn't have tried that. That's the reason that I think so. It's like on an interpersonal level, I'm sure taking out whatever their personalities are, I'm sure that if you are somebody's spouse

and you feel like they're, you know, they're going through a crisis. Like, I want to figure out how to help them. There's that. But then the background here is that their whole family is like we control everything about our image. We live exclusively in the public eye. We are the architects of our brand of family.

And then to have this person who is incredibly wealthy and also incredibly unpredictable attached to you and he is disclosing like really inappropriate things about you having an abortion and what like. And so I feel like to whatever extent there might be interpersonal reasons that would be sympathetic for Kim to maybe feel like doing something. There's also the reason that the Kardashian family would be like, we want to be able to control this man and also maybe also his huge financial, like wealth, right? Yeah. Yeah. Dude,

that's nuts. I have not even possibly thought about that. Me neither. You know this in? Oh, God, I just got rid of it. Oh, I'm sorry. It came in from, No, literally like I'd shut up, right. It came in from Aaron. Thank you so much, Aaron. Thank you so much. This is just like kind of just like, now that I'm thinking about this, it all makes complete sense. And like you said, I don't know if it may be necessarily the conservorship was next up on the plate, but it would make sense.

And it does seem, obviously we haven't gotten into it too much, or at least what I've been reading, was that Kim was trying to, Kim was trying to break up this marriage for. a bit. I'm sure. And I imagine that again, when your kids get involved and it is all that kind of shit, I feel like your like rational brain shuts off and the primal brain comes in.

I don't have children, but I would assume MJ Holden, that I would assume that that was how you would react like, no, you will not destroy them. My brain is absolutely just torpedoed. I have like primal caretaking

instinct and then I have nothing else. The rest of my I have chatting about celebrities and then I have are my children in danger? And those are the two modes that my brain. And they say parenthood is magical and I just feel it. M.K.A. just walks down the street like lifting up

cars with that survival strength. Yeah, imagine just having adrenaline in your body all the time. I can't wait. I want that. I mean, the Olympics are coming up. I need to get that fervor. so excited a week from Friday, and I know we're about to get into the list

before we get into that. I don't know how much we talked about the crazy. I won't even say, I was about to say creepy, but you know what, I love them. They're adorable. The robots of Japan. So scared of them. I'm so scared of them.

I'm so psyched for the robots. I love their cute, cheeby robot eyes, and I'm ready for them to tell me what to do. And if they ask me to kill someone, I will do that. This is the thing. I'm so excited about the advancement

of AI technology. Yes. But there really is nothing. in either one of you guys that doesn't think, and maybe this is too far, that the robots, why wouldn't they gain,

like, or they already have the sentence of taking over, the human race. Yeah, they will. Yeah, did you see the footage

of like the police robot dogs that look exactly like these creepy dogs from the Black Mirror episode that were roaming around in front of like a... Defund the ducks. Apparently they got rid of them already.

I know that you guys... dogs are dangerous. Teaf on side stories, they yell about the security camera. The security camera robots. And I don't know if you've had to deal with any of those fucking security camera robots. Not really.

But they're very scary. Yeah, I don't like robots. I think I have a Roomba and I thank Roomba for their service every time they clean for me. But I'm absolutely prepared for Roomba to take over the house one day. And I just try to live knowing that that eventuality is coming. I respect the Roomba. Yes.

You got to. You got to thank Roomba. Thank you, Roomba. Although, that we had to stop thinking Roomba. Because the children are a little bit afraid of Roomba, and so we had to stop thanking Roomba because we had to be like, it's okay. It's just a machine. It's not a living thing.

Oh, you should put outfits on the Roomba. And then maybe they would like the Roomba more. Well, we're like drenched and sweat like, Roomba won't hurt you. But we're a little bit afraid. Rumba will eventually hurt us. But right now, Roomba won't hurt you guys. It's okay. No, no, no, no, no. As far as they are concerned, the Roomba won't hurt them because of anything, the Roomba's going to hurt you and Gideon before it even gets them. So that's kind of nice. They have a, they have human force fields for them, and that's what you instill in your children. I can't wait to be a parent, but don't worry, first we've got the list. Oh, who's on the list. Me! Checking! Gotta have that list. Life, imitates, art, 13 times movies, and TV,

addicted the future. I fell into this because I was reading about Lori Loughlin's daughter and how they brought it up on gossip girl. And then immediately I was like, wasn't there something on Full House where wasn't it something with a preschool? And for some reason, my dinosaur fucking brain remembered that Lori Loughlin, yes, the queen of paying for her children to get into a school, circumvented, is that the right word for it? John Stamos from doing the same thing on an episode of Full House with their children at the preschool.

Weirdly, you got circumvented right, but you got sentience wrong. Oh, that's fine, that's fine. Gaining sentience. Your seawords are just weirdly randomly correct. That's fine. Don't get me started on Coochies and Caterpillars with Jackie Zabrowski's story.

Shovel them in there, hope they come out, a pupus. I don't know what any of it means, but what I'm talking about is a reality. And then also that apparently, so this happened, Uncle Jesse lies on his kids' preschool application, but

in the TV show, Aunt Becky, Lori Lofen is the one that fess is out. She was the conscientious one. She was the conscientious one. Unless we think that Massimo, whatever his name is, was the Uncle Jesse of the situation, and she tried to stop him, which seems

quite unlikely. because that kid when she went on Red Table Talk was like, yeah, my parents did that and they did that. They 100% did it. Makes me so happy that you love Red Table Talk. I don't know if you notice, but Jay, God, I'm thinking of Olivia Jade. What is her name?

Willow. Willow convinced her mother to shave her head. She looks great. And get back her confidence of being a bald, strong woman. And she looks amazing. She looks so good. We love Red Table Talks. But did you know that Breaking Bad inspired drug dealers to sell new meth?

That makes sense. We all knew that that was going to happen when we even watching the show. That'd probably be really easy to do, just food coloring. Put some food coloring in. It's already toxic for your body. Maybe you'll put more other bullshit in there. Put some windex in it, clean it out in there. But did you know that Airplane 2 predicted the year?

use of full body scanners by airport security. As a throwaway gag, pervy airport security watch NSFW full body scans in the 1982 sequel, hitting a little too close to home in the post-9-11

world. I only completely remember this because my dad's two of his favorite movies are airplane and airplane too, and they are so dumb and so absolutely perfect. But I do remember that in being included. And like, can you imagine being fully scanned to go onto an airplane.

And now it's our daily, daily. I go on a plane every day. I see your tits. You can always opt out. You can always opt out. I always opt out. And then you get felt up by the grumpy TSA people. That's way worse.

I live for it. That is so much worse to me. But I like to throw my body on the cogs of the machine, hold him. Feel up my body. You know what do you have to bend over and they do the thing where they like, check in between essentially your lip and the nodule of your thigh bone? Yes, I do. When the guy fingers you, yeah.

Oh, my God. But don't worry, they don't with the back of their hand, so it can't. Yeah, so it's fine. They get no arousal from that. It's so awkward. This list, I love this, that the Chris Rock show called O.J. Simpson's hypothetical confessional tell-all. The 1999 show featured a sketch where Simpson had an instructional VHS called I Didn't Kill My Wife, but if I did, here's how I do it, while Simpson's actual book was titled, If I Did It.

Yeah, I mean, I guess that's crazy, but also it's just so right there. I feel like, and Chris Rock is just so good. Chris Rock is so good because he's like, what if I just articulated the thing that is exactly right there, but I did it better than anybody else could. And that's like the best example of that. So fucking good. And for some reason, Holden, this one made me think of you, but I think it's because you watched JFK and Quar and then like yelled about it. And I still have not seen it.

So I think I need to actually like sit and genuinely enjoy it. Because in the movie JFK resulted in Congress to release information about the assassin. Because Oliver Stone's strange conspiracy theory movie drove Congress to release the President John F. Kennedy Assassination Records Collection Act, which released some of the documents early. Wow. Which is cool that a movie could,

I don't know, I guess, influence Congress to get something pushed along a little bit further. I think that's the movie that actually convinced me, like, don't just trust the government or, you know, any authority at all ever. I mean, I kind of was already on that tick because high school or middle school was stupid, but like with the teachers, whatever.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Because I'd be trying to pit it. on the desk and they're like, do that in the bathroom. And I'm like, you won't let me free, woman. Yeah, you put your pig hogg away, hold it. They need to see it. But that big hogg away before someone starts sucking on it.

Can you please? It's distracting all. Yeah, that didn't happen. There's also this one, Star Trek. The next generation featured the pad. Sci-fi technology extremely similar to the iPad. The fictional mobile touchscreen personal access display device has many similarities to the very real iPad

created 30 years later. I also felt the same way about watching and reading the book Minority Report. Talk about I just remember, I had seen the movie Minority Report and I hadn't read the book, so I decided to read. Oh, and then this one predicts that afterwards people would just be constantly reporting minorities. Well, no. Right. So racist in this country. But that was a big time with ice and all that kind of bullshit that the government puts in.

But I was reading it on the train, and I remember I looked up and someone was swiping on an iPad, and I didn't have like a smartphone or anything like that at that point. I was like, oh, fuck. Because remember when like the screen would just be up in Minority Report and in the air they're like moving it from screen to screen? And I was like, that's just so crazy. And then seeing it on the train as I was reading the book about it,

I was like, oh, fuck. The robots are going to take. Over. Who knew that this was so much on the front of my mind right now? I apologize. I had no idea. I'm scared of the Muppets. No, I'm not.

Jason Siegel should be because in The Muppets, Jason Segal wrote a scene that involved Elmo trying to join the Muppets, but being stopped by lawyers. The scene was cut out of the movie because Sesame Street lawyers didn't want Elmo to be involved in a Muppet movie. Basque. Why? Because he lives on Sesame Street. He's still a Muppet. They're all Muppets. This is the thing, but they're not. They're puppets. No, they are not. They are puppets. I do know. They are all in the Muppet universe. They just live in a different fucking neighborhood. I don't really understand, actually. I guess they wanted more money. I just wanted to keep them separate. Yeah, maybe they wanted more money.

And I will say shout out to Sesame Street. I believe they featured their first two dads couple. And also a vaccinated, this is we were, I sent over the, of course, the telotubby of her tubby hot summer. But they also showed. It should be hot. Tubby summer is really irritating me. It should be hot. Tubby summer. Tubby hot summer.

Based on the formulation of hot girl summer. Yeah, that's true. Hot back summer. Hot tubby summer. And they go ahead and tweet out tubby hot summer. It's not. That's so dumb. It doesn't make any fucking sense.

The whole vaccination card. You know, anyone's. shot for Johnson Johnson. Yeah, they screwed it up. But at least, you know what, apparently on Sesame Street, they had Elmo's father, Louis, got vaccinated. I will say Sesame Street did like several, like, pandemic. Their pandemic programming was incredibly good. And Elmo's daddy explained to him why he couldn't go out and play and see his friends. Oh, God. That was very, very good. Another Muppet thing made me cry really hard. And that was the article about about Danny Trejo's book when he was on set with Kermit.

And Kermit turned to him, said, I'm sorry, your mom died the day his mom died. And he ran off crying, and I started crying too because I could, that made me crazy. Can I just say that Jeff has been listening to the Danny Trejo audio book of his life story? I want to rate it. I need her.

I love his story. You got, if you like, Danny Trejo, we all know, is a fucking treasure of a human being who has learned. so much, who has grown so much, and listening to him, because then Jeff will just play like certain, you know, he's been telling me about the stories. And I'm like, I got to listen to this. I have to sit and listen to this man in his own words, who obviously, he's not, you know, he's not used to doing audiobooks and as someone that does them. They are a little difficult to do.

And he's an older dude, so his vocal stamina isn't quite there. However, what a fucking inspiration of a human being. Danny Trejo is Amazing. God, I totally see your point, but I do not see with my eyes. Uh-oh. I think I'm going. Blind!

Items. Oh, we can't see them. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. All right, let's do right items. I'm excited. Are you the guy from your Spank Bank music video? Is that what that was? The guy going,

Hey, hi, hi, hi. You're a jerk off time. Hey, it's me and your jerk off time. It's all right now. So I'm sad. You just had to block it out. You just had to block it out. I mean, I get it.

We've all been there, man. You know, like the Randy Quaid fuck video. With the dog barking the entire time, you gotta just zone it out sometimes. Gotta zone it out. So here we are at the first one. It is going to be all wigs all the time for the three named actress in her reboot.

Her natural hair is a mess right now. Three named actresses. Big reboot. Wow. It's like fun being a girl in that place. Sex in the City. Sarah Jessica Parker, what's wrong with her hair? Please read a name Sex in the City.

It's fun being a girl in that place. Be it a girl in that place. That is so perfect. The 10 episode revival, which is titled, and just like that, is coming to HBO Max, though the actual release date is still completely unknown. She was recently spotted out with her husband Matthew Broderick, Alec Baldwin, and Ella!

How you say it? She is culturally fluid. I don't know if you know this, but she's now tripling down. She's like, I'm culturally fluid. Thank you. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's a thing. But we're not going to get into that right now.

That's a thing, hilaria. And they were on a double date in the Hamptons, and I have to say her hair does look a little jacked up, but I guess she needs to take a note from what's her name, Ms. Bravery, Andy McDowell. Oh my God. Yeah, Andy McDowell. It is insane, by the way, guys. If you look up Andy McDowell right now,

everybody was like, how brave Andy McDowell is for having her gray hair show over at the Cannes Film Festival. She looks great, but also, guys, cool the fuck out. Yeah, she looks great. She's got silver hair. She said, Andy McDowell said, when I first did it, I went to the grocery store because we had no place to go and I thought I looked good. And I saw a man there, a silver fox.

guy. A guy you go, you see and go, he's a silver fox. And I immediately just put my shoulders back and I was like, and so am I. Hell yeah. I am so torn on the story between being like, actually that is awesome. It really is. You don't call women silver foxes. It is. For her. Yeah. But it's annoying because it shouldn't be because it's just like, okay, you're a beautiful, famous woman. Yeah.

Of course you look great with silver hair. Of course you do. But it is still brave because most women don't do that. I'm more upset at the media and what the media said about it than how she owns it and lives her life, you know? Yes, totally.

There's a tweet in here that gave me flashes of like, oh, here's another fucking thing I hate on Twitter. The person who wrote, good afternoon to Andy McDowell's con hair and Andy McDowell's con hair only. Of course you hate that formulation. Of course you do.

You hate everything. You hate everything about the way people have fun on the internet. So annoying. They're so happy with themselves. And it's fun online. And it's a formulation. Holden hates it.

And it's great. So happy with her so pleased with themselves for copying this stupid ass thing and writing it down. It's like have an original ever thought ever or actually I should just get off Twitter. You got to do, man. I let it go, bro. You got to let it go. I let it go. Oh, I read people scream at each other too about nothing.

I just, Twitter might have. Actually, people talk shit about Facebook. I think Twitter might be the first to go for me. I think, it is so. I gave it up a while ago. And you know what? So annoying. Oh, I just.

It has little to offer sometimes. But sometimes the jokes are very good. Yeah. It's the thing about Twitter. There are funny people on Twitter. But also sometimes I read it and I'm like, why am I doing this? Why am I doing this to myself? Why?

Completely. Here's my favorite one. I wish I could give credit to the comedian. I think it's Jared Logan, but I'm not sure. But somebody wrote recently. Well, regardless. Look up Jared Logan because Jared Logan is a friend of ours and is absolutely one of my faves. Somebody tweeted this.

I hope it was him, but if not, I'm sorry to you person comedian who tweeted this. That Twitter, I'm going to butcher it a little bit, but Twitter essentially exists of you asking for serious answers and getting joke answers or saying a joke and having it taken way too seriously. So like you either make a joke about something and people are like just respond like complete idiots and take it a go. Or you are like, hey, what's like the best pet store in? you know, L.A. and people are just like, your mom's butt. It's never one or the other. Like, you can never just, like, have the conversation you want on there, in other words. Like, it's only the one you don't want to have.

Anywho, here's the next one. This permanent A-plus lister and baller in more ways than one doesn't care about how bad the reviews are for his new movie. He already got paid and did it just for fun. Now, does he have a bet with the original star, which version will make the most? Absolutely. It's got to be space jam. Yep.

So that means it is. Let's a basketball trivia. LeBron? That's right. LeBron James. And Michael Jordan. There you go. Wow.

And Michael Jordan, we know loves to gamble. And probably shouldn't be anymore. Definitely shouldn't be. Here's a follow-up. There's a follow-up blind for that. There was like another Michael Jordan blind on here that say, MJ, stop gambling. I'm sorry, not you, MJ.

I mean, I mean, I mean, the taller M.J. Now, when I, when I introduce myself to people and I try to, and they don't hear me, and I give an example, I like to be like, like Michael Jordan. Like Michael Jordan, and he shouldn't gamble anymore. Maybe just start including that into it. Unfortunately, I don't think it's going to happen. I think apparently Michael Jordan also had a million dollar buy-in blackjack tournament at one of his houses over Thanksgiving last year, which consists of about 10 people. Gambling. A million dollar buy-in. MJ, no. No.

I know it's an addiction, but you know, oh my God, stop. I mean, he's very competitive. This is kind of an interesting talking point one to close it out. It's very, very interesting. This Marvel superhero says he will walk if they try and put him in a same-sex relationship. Who is it going to... It's not going to be Mark Ruffalo. He's too lefty for that.

No. Who is in the MCU that's actually, I believe we've talked about how he is classically tied to a church that is anti-U My problem is I don't know if this is included in the MCU, but is it Chris Pratt? Yeah, Guardians of the Galaxy, bro.

Okay, because I didn't know if Guardians of the Galaxy was in MSC, see, that makes a lot of fucking sense. Fuck Chris Pratt. You know what? I like Andy Dwyer. I don't like Chris Pratt. I'm throwing that out there. Fuck him. Avengers, Infinity War, Avengers Endgame.

the Guardians are all in there and everything. Apparently, though, I think this is cool at least. Aside from him, a new comic for the character. He plays Star Lord as part of Guardians of the Galaxy. They released a new comic book that has a scene revealing that he is bisexual. The character is. Which as he, that sounds fucking great. Why can't they, they, oh.

There are so many people that are like, it's comic books. It doesn't have to be gay. I'm fine with gay people, but just keep it out of the comic books because they... It's in the comic books. First, yeah, exactly. First of all, comic books have been fucking lefty and anti-war and gay forever. The X-Men is a total parable for LGBT people. And, like, there's...

Yeah. MJ, yeah! I'm not even a comic book person. Why am I not allowed to get this angry about shitheads on Twitter? I mean, come on, people, when they say they're sassy, dumb shit, can I say something mean about it? Can I be angry about it? Yes. It's totally fine that you hate the way that people talk in their...

their everyday life all the time on the internet. They just are so, I see them being so proud of themselves when they hit tweet, they hit that blue button, right? They're just like, oh. Good morning to Holden-McNeely and no one else. Whoa. Oh, you're so unoriginal and so uninterested. I just, I can't, I can't.

But haven't you ever tweeted like a, like a meme formulation? Haven't you ever been like? You may have seen. Morning to my wife. Nothing like I did all the things or anything. I try really hard to like not mimic. No, it's true. You wouldn't say that.

And you know what it is? Say it out loud. Say it out loud. If you sound like a complete fucking moron, maybe don't say it on Twitter. Like, and it's true because most of that shit. People have their fun. I know.

I'm really shitting on people who are like, that's like the one moment of the day they're like happy with themselves. But maybe try saying it out loud. How you are about it, though. Really does bring some fucking smile to my face, man. I don't want to be a little basic on the internet. I do think of you.

Sometimes I like to be a little basic on the internet. I always think about Holden. I immediately think about Holden. Every time I wanted to post a picture of goth daddy and I, I think about Holden. Of like, I should probably not. Oh, I'm so happy for you in your love. My everything. You know.

I took the thunder away from you. I'm so sorry. No, it's okay. Go back to what's more important. is Chris Brett. I just think. And people being shitty about comic book stuff. People are like, oh, it's, I love gay people, but like, come on, it doesn't have to be so gay.

And it's like, bruh, people are kissing all. If a man and a woman are kissing in a comic book, that's being like aggressively straight. It's okay if there's gay people there. And again, X-Men is an allegory for queer people. Yeah. That's just what it is. So relax. It's been queer forever.

Yeah. That's the thing. everybody gets up in their fucking bullshit about it. I'm like, but Wolverine! What about Wolverine? Stanley in the 1960s was incredibly vocal via his Spider-Man stories and X-Men stories even more so when it comes LGBT stuff,

B-G-G-T-Q plus stuff, so fucking vocal about this stuff. They've always been anti-fascists. They've always been, yes. Incredibly social. Incredibly into silver rights, incredibly into talking about gay rights, using the X-Men as a metaphor. And fuck off.

Like that is so crazy to even act like that. Yeah. And especially Chris Tratt. Oh, when your kids see it, I'm so sorry, your kid don't see people enjoying love with people. This Pratt makes so much fucking money. You make so much fucking money. How fucking dare you? What a spit in the face of a community that enjoys you to say,

I just, I won't do it. I won't fucking do that. Yeah. And I understand. I know that we should be accepting of him saying how he feels and what he wants. And I guess I get that to a fucking point. But you were an inspiration to so many young people. Yeah.

Do what you should do, you fucker, just because you were just like, yeah. Just catch up, you know. It's just like. Yeah, I was real eloquent with what I had to say. about it, but I'm upset. That's it. I'm going back to Vegas. All right, he's going back to Vegas.

Oh, we're on black. We all got to go to Vegas. Yes. I'm leaving Woodstock. I'm going straight to Vegas, baby. But before we go to Vegas, Holden, can you see again? Yes, I can see again. Y'all killed the blind items. Thank you so much. And I'm sorry all my listeners out there when I start

going on these rants about how I hate social media, cute people. And if you're one of those people, you're the sane one. I'm the crazy one. Just know that. I will work on it in therapy. I need to learn you're doing nothing wrong per se. No. Just think about just maybe try to be a little original. Try to have an original. You know what I mean?

Just try to say it's a little original. I get it. Right? It's hard to access the originality of Holden's brain is the hard part because it is, there's just not everybody's a Holden. Yeah. I just don't even tweet. I just tell people what I'm doing with my life with the streams and stuff. I don't even try to be. I don't try to be witty on there. But you are, you are, you do, I mean that sincerely, you, you, you have a infinite geyser of original thoughts and it's hard. Oh, yeah.

You're spewing it all over everyone. I just go spew and a spew for you. With my big old hog. Out of your hug, yeah. Yeah, and I'm sorry too to talk about my big old hog too. You all know I'm taken out there listening. Everybody's upset, but don't worry. I'm sure we might get some emails about it, but for now, the emails we've got have nothing to do with that because it's time for shoutouts.

Shout, shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We'll read that to you. Come on. Yes, you might have noticed we moved our shoutouts to the end of the episode. and it felt like it was breaking up the rest of the episode. But I would love it if you would stick around and listen to them

because there might be a shout out for you. Who knows? First, we're going to do a shout out. Remember last week we had two sister loves. And this week we've got more sister love. We've got these right or die sisters up on this piece and I've got love to send from one sister to another. Amber hit me up to send a shout out to her sister,

Shana. y'all are living the country in city mouse lifestyle one is in seattle and one is in asheville but amber needed us to know that your funeral song would be wild ones by floydda and see ya oh you're a wild one you know exactly the song which i think it is a great funeral song that is a good funeral song also these sisters they love the fucking greenery so hard that they used to refer to to each other as the double-hitter sisters, and they would call themselves the DHS, which I think is much cooler than my sister and I's constant references to the movie, the other sister, which I'm not going to get into the lines that we reference all the time in our sisterhood, but it's just because I love Giovanni Ribisi. Is that crazy? I don't even think they can make the other sister now, and that is for the best.

That's one of those, like, we all know that it is more examples of a best. A movie from the mid-2000s where you're just like, can't believe they did that. Not gonna revisit that. Shouldn't have made that. But for some reason, my sister and I watched it a lot. And, you know,

now we have the other sister references in our life. Every sibling pairing has a weird thing. We're like, why do we keep bringing this up? Right? I can't be the only one. You're not the only one, but now I have to think of what it is with me and John.

All right. Start thinking about it. I think it might be the Christmas episode of Save by the Bell. where Zach's family brings in a homeless man. I think that's ours. We reference that a lot. Very, very, very deep within the crater of saved by the bell.

But I also want to say happy 10th friend anniversary to Miguel and Andrew. Miguel, Andrew says y'all went through your absolutely chaotic 20s together. And through it all, you have been an absolute rock for his emotionally unstable Pisces ass. Miguel has been a constant ear for my neuroses, malaise, and self-defeating mindset, all the while not being afraid to really read me when I need it. We're both page seven listeners and we meet up on Saturdays. We gush about the pop culture news of the week. But also, which I think is a lot of fun, Miguel and Andrew just started up a podcast. Give it a check out.

It is called The Tight End with Miguel. And essentially, Miguel is explaining to Andrew all about RuPaul's Drag. And Andrew is explaining all about sports to Miguel and they are going to wait whenever the NFL season it's in. That rules. I think it is a great idea for a podcast. So please check out the tight end with Miguel. And congrats on your 10-year friend anniversary. Now, we got a little self-shout from Government Jr.

Thank you so much, Government Jr. for hitting us up. But what I love is that apparently Government Jr. is turning dirty 30 on Saturday. But then also said, let's actually transition this. He went from a self-shout to a shout-out to his wife. This shout-out over to my wife, because she pulled me from the deep, dark depths of my 20s and truly made me a better person. She may be the only good in this world, and she's changing it before my very eyes. Hannah, you're the best person I know, and thanks for helping me realize I'm not the garbage person that I thought I was. How beautiful is that?

I love the way people talk about their friends and partners and shoutouts. That's really one of my favorite things. I know. That's the thing. How can I not read the actual lines of how you describe the person? Because like what a way, like very rarely do you get to see what a friend would say about you. I know. Towards someone else.

I know. That's nice. Very excited. Yeah. And now we are surrounded by new mommy brain. Barbara Rodin. Barbara's a new mommy. and she flayed herself, like Jesus Christ himself,

because her best friend's birthday was on July 10th, and she knew that her best friend was going to absolutely love a shout-out, but she blamed the new mommy brain. But Michelle, we swear it together, we say happy birthday, T.E. And although your birthday has already passed, we still send you all of the love in the world. Happy birthday, Michelle. Yeah, you barely missed it.

It's still your birthday post. You get a week before or a week after. You're good. Yeah, it's birthday week. And it's also Athena's birthday week. Another fucking self-shout, and I absolutely love it. And you are the goddess of wisdom and war. You shall do as you please.

And I hope it pleases you to have the best birthday. And we also have our first wedding anniversary coming up. Claire and Daniel met while working together. but then they got to know each other a little bit better because apparently they were both big last podcast fans. And he says, Claire, with all of the challenges we faced last year, we still made our wedding happen. And I'm so glad we did.

I adore you, your family and this incredible friend group that we have created together. We made it to our first anniversary, and I can't wait to see how many more adventures we have before our next. You're my ride or die bitch, and I'm forever yours. I love you. See, that's what I'm saying. That's some real shit, right?

Dude. That's no best friend shit. That's, you know what? That's what it is, I think. I think instead of the best friend, it needs to be the ride or die bitch. Yeah. You're my rider die. I love telling someone they're my rider die.

Yeah. That's a great compliment to get. It makes me so happy. Yeah. No more best friend shit. It's like, nah, dude, I'm literally going to go down in flames for your fucking ass. It's not friendship. Fuck yeah.

We're not fucking, we're not fucking, you know, calling each other talking on the, you know what I mean? We're fucking, I will literally take a bullet for your. for your fucking stupid ass. Fuck yeah, man. Hell yeah. And especially once you reach your 10th wedding anniversary, like Rebecca and Jonathan just did. Rebecca, he says that you are the most amazing woman he has ever had the pleasure of meeting. And, uh, goosh alert, even after 10 years of marriage, happy anniversary.

And last but at least, Megan hit us up with number one, the cutest dog in a wheelchair picture. and his name was Timmy and I love him. And they love you, Timmy, wherever you are now. But also wanted to send an happy birthday to her bestie Abby. She's turning 27 on July 17th. And we wanted to wish you the happiest of birthdays, even though you guys are so far apart. And also, when will I see you again?

You left with no goodbye. Not a single word was said. That is their friendship song. And it is, don't you remember? by Adele, and it is a very sad song. And then I listen to that song multiple times. And also I do want to give a quick shout out. Who's someone that needed the clip so that they could win an argument.

Now, you are not only correct, but barbecue superior. And yes, a hot dog is a sausage. And that's it. That's for me. That's my shoutouts. And you're very lucky you didn't go to high school with me now, because I definitely would have constantly been like, Hey, Day, and a Win.

Hey, Day in the Win. Chick-A-Pack. Now. That would have been really annoying for you. So you're lucky there. All right. I think that's the show. Yo, I'll start with the plugs just to keep her rolling.

Hit me. Twitch.tv. 4 slash Holdenators Ho. Check it out. Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams. Friday stream and Jackie a jacking with the holdies. Yeah.

6 p.m. ET. Also, again, thank you. Big thanks. Especially this week. I'm really scrambling, you know, coming back from a trip to get these conspiracy theories and things together in a tight turnaround.

That was a great one this week. It was a great one. This guy's killed. Really, really, really. appreciate when you send in emails to the page seven podcast Gmail. That's page of the number seven, the numeral seven podcast at gmail.com. So check that out and send them in and keep them coming. And that's all for me, Jackie.

Oh, my name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me for my sex show or my fashion show over at twitch. com. Oh, no, it's Jackie. We do those on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Come check it out. And if you don't have time and you can't, come check it out on our Twitch site. All of the VODs are posted.

I love you guys. You can follow me on Instagram and check that worm. MJ? My name is MJ and I am MJKLKat on Instagram. And, you know, you might see a couple of pictures of my kids on horsesies. Oh, my God. The pictures of them on the horsesies made me goosh in a family way. I got two horse girls now.

we're entering a horse girl in because they saw animals for the first time in their life because we're outside of the city. And now they love horsies. Should I get them goats for Christmas? You could order a goat. Because now Freddie asks, when she asks for things, she says, maybe you could order it. So she's going to probably ask for a horsey.

Oh, I bet that's a lot of fun. I bet you really enjoy that part of her getting older. But on that note, we love you all. We'll see you next week. Thank you for joining us. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.