Page 7 - Ep. 412: Cackles and Cockles: The Jackie Zebrowski Story

Episode Date: July 22, 2021

This week Leo Season is upon us! Holden is shamed for his inability to remember birthdays, we take a trip into the mind of Tyra Banks, covering both the insanity of her talk show to the baffling Modelland (and possibly the greatest amusement park of all time), Megan Thee Stallion and Leyna Bloom's Sports Illustrated covers, Dolly Parton's recreation of her classic Playboy cover for her Hubby, and the cardboard sex proof Olympic Village beds. PLUS Jackie gives us an exciting update on the Hot Dog Ambassador front! And in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; was Rush Limbaugh actually Jim Morrison?!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's officially Leo. What did I do? I looked up songs that align themselves with the astrological signs and what's the number one song for Leo's? She's into superstitions.

Black cats and moon dogs. Oh my God. I feel a premonition. That girl's gonna make me fall. I'm jumping ahead. She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the brain. She'll make you live a crazy.

But just take away your pain Like a bullet to your brain Come out Upside, inside out Leave a Lovina To push and pull you down Leave a Lovina You know at first I took offense

To the fact that this is the number one Leo song But as I'm reading the lyrics I guess it is Sounds accurate Welcome to page 7 I never cared about horoscopes never could keep track of what was what. People would be like, oh, of course, you're an Aquarius or whatever.

And then only when I had my child on my brother's birthday, August 23rd. Cusp baby. And it was a cusp baby. And I realized that you are a Leo and my brother is a Virgo that I truly understood that horoscopes are destiny. They are different. And that Henry is a tourist and my and Freddie is. a torus. That's truly as much as I would have to be like,

don't, wait, it's not even accurate. You know what I mean? How all the people, all the scientists, quote unquote, even though they are actual scientists. Like, it's even accurate to what the star position was. I'm sure it's not. But it's kind of fun. Have a smile. Exactly. And what I was getting at was like, as much I want to be cynical, I'm such a fucking Capricorn

and it's just what it is. And there's no longer, I can't fight that. Like, I'm the ghost. It's true. And Marcus is a Capricorn. and he's such a Capricorn too. And yeah. Yeah, one step at a time. We're playing the long game.

We're, you know, very, it's just very like, this is my forward momentum. I'm going to slowly make my way up the mountain. Lots of scheduling. Maybe that's why you coming into the show works so well. Maybe this show has to always be a triangle of a Leo and a Capricorn at least to balance themselves out. The third person maybe could be whatever. Wild card.

Capricorn have very opposite energies. Oh, it works with an Aries, though. I think that it really... I'm Aquarius. Not Aries. Oh, you're Aquarius. I still don't know what that means. I've never figured out what Aquarius means.

Everyone's like, water. Literally every year when I scream about Leo season, I think we look up the Aquarius size. And make it about me, even though it's your birthday. And no, it's not that you're making it about you, because technically that would make you a Leo, but... I do remember something along the side of, like, this is the dawning of the age.

That's what everyone says, but what does it mean? That's my personality. All right. You're the most humanitarian astrological sign. These revolutionary thinkers fervently support power to the people. Every Aquarian is a rebel at heart. These air signs despise authority and anything that represents conventionality. Yes.

Prespirated and eccentric. They can often be identified by their offbeat fashion senses, unusual hobbies, and non-conformist attitude. Wow. I mean. That's a great. It is you. It is you. You are ruled by Uranus. And that's why it's the dawning of the age of Aquarius, because that was from the musical hair, and that was the hippie movement, and they all got naked at the end. And I think you'd fit right in, MJ, to the musical hair. And you advocate empathy and compassion. Wow. But you have a bit of a stubborn street. True. Wow. And it's often considered your Achilles heel. Uh-huh. It's true. Wow. I feel so seen. And freedom is of the utmost importance for Aquarians. Aquarians also need plenty of space and time on their own to reflect, form ideas, and plan their role in the revolution.

So the real question is, Holden, how excited are you to have a Leo, aka a Jackie, a. A.k.a. Baby Jackie is going to be born so soon. Baby Jackie. She's going to take after me, Holden. How do you feel about it? Unless she's very late. Is it just what does that mean? I don't mean to call you crazy, but does a Leo just mean like, while and out? Leo's are a party, right? Leos are just a big party? Yeah. They while out, right? Not crazy, but like they while out, right?

Yeah, oh, yeah, no, they are like the, they're very stubborn. They're very bombastic. They like attention. Oh, Mr. Bombastic. And in fact, that should have been, why wasn't that the song on the playlist? I don't know. That should have been the song. Mr. Bombastic would have been.

But they are natural born leaders holden. They're funny, but they're self-centered. They're inflexible. They're arrogant. They don't like being ignored. All right. Positive. Give me the positive.

Difficult reality. Anything that makes me want to. Leo, am I, though? Like, everything that's the only one that doesn't match. That is true. They have a scratchy voice, but they're really good at getting VO jobs. And. But also, they are capable of uniting different groups of people

and leading them as one towards a shared cause and their healthy sense of humor makes collaboration with other people easier. So true. Hey, as long as she's a micro-influencer, I'll be happy. I think she could be. And hopefully she'll be in search for self-awareness and in constant growth of ego, which is, you know, we're big into growing. We want to learn.

We want to grow. So true. Yeah. So I think that baby Jackie is going to be, Oh, man, button heads with a Capricorn and a Scorpio mother, but we don't need to get into that. As someone that also has a Scorpio mother, a little bit, we're both very strong.

Do they have therapy for babies? Can we just get her immediately in just before any trauma and just be like, you know, this is what trauma feels. Start it out. Yeah. You got to get her ready for it. I think that's great. I think baby Jackie, I hope that her first word.

word is, Aunt Jackie, and that's what I'm going to work. I'm going to work with her. Right, right. If you can get it with me. I hope her first word is closure. Oh. Because I think it's important for babies even at this point to find closure just with being brought into this world is now trauma, I feel.

Whoa. They spend a lot of time working through it. Now that you've read the description of a Leo, though, I think that, I think that it really, August 23rd really is a cusp because John is fully a Virgo, but I think that Zelda might be a Leo. is a party baby. She is like a party. She just brings the party wherever she goes.

So I think that the cut that maybe Holden and I are going to have the Leo baby energy. The Leo babies. I'm very excited for it. But you know, you still got that Torres baby. And Tori are full as a brother and a partner that are Tori's. It's a lot sometimes. Yeah, I love that Henry was just a fucking nightmare. I love knowing that he was just absolutely completely.

insane. And what's funny for me is, I'm pretty sure I have this right. I was the chill one. And my brother who's like, so the chill one now was the like crazy, like crying, screaming, like, oh, in June, mid-June. Gemini or what date in June? It could be Gemini. It could be cancer. This is a part where I let everyone know that I... You don't know your brother's birthday? I'm sorry I'm shaming you about this, but it's your brother's birthday. All right, can I, can I explain this phrase. I'm also, I'm very good at birthdays. I think this should be a disease, by the way. It's a disease. What? I never remember anyone's birthday. I can't. I just can't. It's June. I think it's 11th. Oh my God, Holden. You just have to tell me your birthday once and it lives

inside of my brain rent free forever, though. So I've got one of those. I know. I have the opposite ability. I can't remember anyone's birthday. Lexi gives me so much. much shit for this. I literally cannot remember anyone's birthday ever. And I have to be reminded now by, and now I use Facebook, but Facebook's fucking me in the butthole right now. Oh no, you were looking it up on

Facebook. I watched you talk to your brother about an hour ago, Holden. I don't understand. I just can't remember birthdays. It would be different if you guys never talked or you were estranged, but you just spoke to him. I can't remember birthdays in the

internet, I'm telling me right now. If you're asking him right now and asked him, how would he be like, oh, yeah, it's the 11th, or would he be like, oh, my God, how dare you? Or would he be like, oh, holding. I would not ask him. No, he would sigh. I don't want to ask him that. And I would even text Lexi right now, but she'll be mad at me.

You know, you do. You ask your mother. What I'm going to do is in front of y'all's very eyes, I'm literally going to become so small that I cease to exist. No, it's okay. Bye everybody. You're still a good brother. You're a good brother. Oh, it's very funny. It's very funny.

I understand, but honestly, some people just don't have the brains for remembering that kind of stuff. It's got to be a disorder. Names and birth. It has to be a disorder. I'm honest. How are you with faces? I cannot remember names. Do you remember, like, are you a type of person

who reintroduces yourself to people? I'm pretty good at face. Pretty good of faces. awful with names though awful awful awful with names even worse with birthdays and i can never like spot a celebrity someone always has to point them out to me i never like spot a celebrity in the wild i'm like and i have come across some huge ones but it'll be like i remember when henry was like that's bill murray or like we just walked by philips seymour hoffman was another big one in uh when we were walking around in new york and it literally like i was i never in a million years would have like picked that out you know what i mean uh-huh

In fact, when I run through the neighborhood or like explore kind of my area, there are a bunch of like celebs out here. And I will run past someone who's like driving in a really fancy car. And I'll be like, that's definitely somebody. But I'll just never be able to point out who it is because I'm face blind. I'm like, celebrity face blind. But I'll probably remember if we like hung out in a green room or something. I'm pretty good at that.

I'm pretty good at like. Yeah. And I definitely think you'd be able to spot Tyra Banks, the Sagitton. which as I'm reading about Sagittarius it seems like she might be quite as Sagittarius but we got to talk about Tyra Banks for other reasons because she's trying to be the next Walt Disney and we need to talk about Tyra.

All right? That's their new hashtag of this page 7 episode. We need to talk about Tyra. Someone stop her and I truly think that she is going to become like Angelica Houston in the Witches and she's going to turn fat children

into mice. I don't trust her. And this, maybe this all stemmed from reading Model Land, which you can totally check out over on the page 7 Patreon, but getting a glimpse into Tyra Banks' brain of her writing this book, which she

claims she wrote all of herself. I don't trust her for a goddamn second. But now, she's making her own ice cream. June 8th. June 8. Is that it? Is that it?

Is that it? That is my final answer. You are the weakest thing. Goodbye. How did you just figure it out? Where did you see it? Scrolled on the, all I had to do was scroll down on the Facebook page

to see all the happy birthday posts on this page because that's like the last thing that people do. You had to search through the Facebook page. I scrolled out. He's not popping off on Facebook a bunch. Thank God, right? Am I right? Because these days, right?

It's all about Qadon, right? I'm misdirecting right. Qadon, am I right? Facebook conspiracy. What are we talking about right now, right? The Capitol building? I mean, it was crazy, right? I mean, who even knows at this point?

Why are you talking about you? You're just trying to divert the attention away from the back of the you don't know your brother's birthday. I'm just saying the men stormed the building in January. It was a while. I was like, when is he going to bring it up today? Probably while we're talking about Tyra Banks because... So thinking about that next time you're remembering your brother's birthday, all right?

You know, I'm not, you want the truth, you want the truth, you can't handle the truth. My brother's birthday is on May 1st, thank you very much. Well, that's easy to remember. That is, yeah, he's a May Day, Bay Bay, so that's pretty easy. But I hope that young fat children are not going to eat Tyra Banks's ice cream because I think that she's going to try to turn them into something. I don't think she'd turn them into rats, but I would worry, I feel like she'd want to turn them into, like, lollipops. I can't.

be like, they live in my garden now. How delusional do you have to be? I mean, I guess she saw, it's funny that she's like, I want to be like Walt Disney, which is the fucking crazy as shit you could possibly say, and especially compared to like, where's your Mickey Mouse? Where is your anything? He's trying to turn Model Land into a week. I know.

Yeah. The crazy book that we talked about that we couldn't even believe existed that no one's ever heard of. There was a total Harry Potter knockoff that you read all of for our patrons. if you guys want to check out Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. But all of that is to say it's maniacal at best

to think that you could mimic. If anything, Tyra, you should be like, I love Dolly Parton. I want my own Dollywood. That would be laughable. But to be like, I'm going to be Disney. I'm going to do what Disney did with an ice cream parlor

and a weird theme park based off a book that I wrote that no one's ever heard of. It's so funny. And we're talking about. the name of the mommy. We're talking about a person who had a daytime talk show, circa 2008.

I don't remember how long it ran. I'll look it up. I watched it every day. So I got some insight into her mind then, in which she famously put on a fat suit and also, like, did homeless drag and just did absolutely banana stunts all the time. And then obviously did America's Next Top Model

and had a good, run and everything, but what does Tyra do now other than Model Land? Like, she's kind of just floating around. Her prime has passed. So the idea that she's going to become the next Walt Disney, it's just like, like literally what does she do? Yeah, it's very, very funny. And let me ask you this. Actually, Jackie, you actually read Modeland. What sorts of theme park rides might exist in this magical theme park based on the contents of modeling. Good question. Well, one of the girls lives inside of a large grocery store,

but they're really tiny. So I guess that there would be some sort of grocery land. But they also fly to model land in essentially like a testicle sack. Like they're all jumped into this like big sack that flies them into model land. So I imagine that would be a ride. I think that people are going to get creamyed probably at points. Because I forget what it was that, like, how the father lost his eye, because they're acrobats. She comes from a family of acrobats.

Right. I remember the acrobat thing. And they die, right? Like, the acrobats die in the early on or the, what he does. Yeah, like their eyeballs, like the daddy's eyeball falls out because he, it got burned because he was doing an acrobat. If I remember correctly, he was doing an acrobat act in the sky. Someone had like a mirror and it burned through his eyeball and now he only has one eye. That'd be right.

Maybe that will be one of the rides. Maybe like a body horror ride. The nurses at Model Land are all people with hands for heads. So I imagine that there could be something where like, oh, you're in this like the heflumps, you know, the ride where the heffalumps are included, I feel like they could have handhead nurses. And remember back when we talked about Model Land, I think it was like, if you pay $50,000, you get to be the Model Land model of the day. Right.

What are you talking about Tyra Banks? So she is currently the host of dancing with the stars. Oh, right. That's what she does. Which she's bungling and everyone hates her on it. And everyone hates her on it. Because, like, I am very, I'm actually very surprised. I don't mean to go this far into Tyra Banks.

But in this, the day and age of hashtag cancel culture, it is very surprising to me. Like, what does she have on TV execs? Like, what is it just the bringing of an audience that, like, how is she still doing? That's the thing. I actually don't know. The Dancing with the Stars thing just started, right? Like, am I wrong that she was kind of MIA

aside from Model Land for several years? And then she just this year started dancing with the Stars. Yeah, she kept saying she was going to do a life size too. Like she was pushing that. But then she was trying to create the Model Land theme part. So I think she was working on that. And a lot of projects, fantasy projects going. It's hard to keep up with all my imaginary projects.

A lot of them. I will, it's also like, could you imagine being, her yes people and like what that is like, constantly being like, yeah, brilliant, yeah, yeah, definitely ice cream shop and then right next to it, a massive theme park based on the property that is model land, the thing that people know about, right? Anyone knows about it?

Yeah, people will call to that theme park. Certainly. We can find... Throw it out there. I probably would have gone. Not for $50,000. I mean, I don't have any kind of that kind of money, but I imagine that I probably would have tried

to figure out a way to get some sort of press pass in. But I think that I would have been too fat to enter model in because Tyra Banks in the book, I'm very open about thinking that fat people are lesser than, which is like kind of funny. The fact that I'm like, how did you, how are you going to make a theme park, you crazy bitch? Right. I will also say

new idea. Oh. How about a like discovery plus themed theme park Okay, listening. We take all of these reality properties, right? We've got like a shark week land. That's a good idea. You've got like...

Ooh, I like that. That's a very good idea. Sister wives land like you go in and you get assigned a husband and you sort of interact. Oh, you all get to be there like his sister wife for the day and you get to have no fun. But you have to like completely cover yourself but you got to take care of them. And you get to watch him have the fun all day. All right. I'm into that.

This is actually kind of amazing because you also have all the nature stuff. So, like, there's a whole jungle theme park. Then you've got the diners drive-ins and dives, like the Guy Fieri themed restaurants all over the place. Oh, and everyone's sick to their stomach. But everybody's smiling. And, of course, the 90-day, like, I think you could easily hire a lot of folks from the 90-day franchise to just, like, make appearances throughout the week to said theme park and just you do meet and greets. I don't even think you got to pay them. I think that you could just give them free admission.

I'm sure they'll show up. Free food. Give them like a free meal. Yeah, yeah. They'll probably just keep coming back. Yeah, exactly. I mean, all this stuff, you know, I was looking at a lot of shows here. There'd be really good.

Oh, Dr. Pimple Popper. Oh, no, I can't handle that. That's in the Waterpark portion of the theme part. That's the splash zone. You got to wear plastic. Man, I was so upset. I watched them. I accidentally saw.

I don't like the poppy stuff. I don't. I hate it. I can't. And I can't. And I was watching these TikTok. of, which is very cool, but they do, I don't know how properly say it, sclerio therapy, which is like, for which is the, like, the varicose veins that I have, they have this juice

that you stick into the varicose vein and immediately clears it right up. So it's these cool videos of watching it happen and then like the veins immediately go away. It like releases it. And of course I watch it because I'm like, someday I'm going to get this done. and then someone just put in a big, popping, juicy, like, huge thing, like in the big center of their thigh that gooshed out. And I was like, oh, my God, oh, my God, no, no, no, no. And I actually almost threw up.

I'm about to throw up. That is awful. Why would you put that in the serene video? That's so gross. Yo, going back to Tyre Pass, weirdly bringing us back to Tarpey. Tyra Bank from that. I did this to us, by the way, with the Dr. Pimblepomper tent

at the Discovery Plus theme park. But going back to Tyra, I think the reason, the thing, I just remembered in reading these articles yesterday, like the thing that bugs me about her in this article and in general, she never has one tiny, even centimeter of self-deprecation in her.

She has no ability to be real about, like, how, about being a flawed person. She's a true narcissist. Like, she is, if you read through this, everything has been done to her. She does no wrong and she's only helped other people.

There is nothing in here that even it all nods to like, yeah, but also, I'm a real person. You know what I mean? Like, there's just no element of that. I think that that is how the ellens of the world get canceled and that is how I read articles like this about someone like Tyre Banks

and like I walk away being like, ugh. I'm, you know? I'm rereading the episode, an article about the episode that she did, the headline is Tyra Banks experiences obesity through fat suit. And it was about her fat suit episode. And it's just so bad.

And she's trying to be, it's like the terrible way that she tries to be like, she was trying to be Oprah more than, you know. Yeah, it reveals her to be like, even, it reveals how shitty she is. Yeah, exactly. She was like, there's no excuse for rudeness. People were very not nice to me.

People, immediately upon entering a store, I immediately heard Snickers. Immediately, I was just appalled and hurt. And it's like, okay, it's good that you're like realizing that people, like, that our society, like, treats fat. People like, shit, I guess that's good. But it's just such a dehumanizing. Her thing is like, I'm like Oprah, but the way that she talks about everyone is so dehumanizing and condescending. Yeah, she is. No, especially like the, I apologize.

I was wrong about the nurses earlier. They have scissors for heads. They're called purses, and all the doctors have roller skates. Their feet are taken off and roller skates are attached so that they can move faster to assist the hot people that need attention. So I kind of want to eat a bunch of ass and go to model land. Oh, I want to go. I kind of want to see it. I'll go.

I think we can all go. That sounds amazing. Oh, if this actually goes down, I will definitely, definitely attend. And again, don't give her any money, but listen on page seven that you can listen to it over there. Don't buy the book, though. It really goes nowhere. And there are parts that we laughed through over on Jackie's Book Club.

But for the most part, it was just weird and upsetting. She's bad. I'm glad we're about to go down good for her lane because we're definitely start not strong on Tyra. But you know what? Daddy's over here. She's easy. fodder people please. Yeah, she's pure bad for her.

There is no good for her about. You're right, that's bad for her. Including her Smy's ice cream. It's Baffa. The ice cream flavor is for Smy's ice cream. The best vanilla I've ever had. Cookie caramel queen and chocolate barbecue. Think smoky dark chocolate. But then there's also original animated characters attached to it,

including DJ Splits and Lil Y, the latter two inspired by Banks's mom and son, respectively. This is where it's weird. We're going to do movies and cartoons. We have a book proposal about DJ splits being the matriarch of the family and her grandson, Lil Y, who thinks he has magic, but he doesn't. Again, why is she just writing weird peripheral stories around Harry Potter? And again, or not again, I guess for the first time I'm saying this to the world, if it was just the ice cream shop, like, This is normal and not crazy.

It's the part where she created magical characters around the ice cream shop and then wants to expand that, not just, oh, we're also going to put like a ride next to the ice cream shop. No, no, no, no, we're going to build Disneyland. My version of Disneyland. Which is so, such a jump into a crazy direction. So I think that's why this is an article. Bafah, but she got big dreams. I will say she's got big dreams.

and I guess, you know, bad for her, book of all, I guess. I would love to be a fly in the wall for the planning meetings around this stuff with her and her yes people. And I mean, yes, with the capital Y people. Yes. Like, no one is saying, think about this for a millisecond. Like, no one's doing it. In fact, I would love to get hired for one day just to walk in and be like, I think you might not want to do this. I think she actually cut your head off like the queen of heart.

Right. I don't try. Like, I think she'll gain scissors. Her head will become a scissors. And she will cut me off. Yeah, absolutely. But the opposite of that, of a person that I think that I would follow into war is Megan the Stallion.

Unbelievable. And talking about, this is where we're beginning the guvaha corner because the Megan the stallion made history as the first female rapper to land Sports Illustrated cover. I do think it is a little funny because Sports Illustrated is very like, good for us. Look at what we're doing. Megan Nostalian is hot as shit. Megynastalian is very, like she's established

she's doing great so don't be like look at what we did. No, man. Look at what Megan Estallian has done. So brave of us to put a hot woman on the cover. They also... Yes. In other Sports Illustrated news they also put Lena Bloom

who's the first trans model ever on sports illustrated swimsuit cover and again she's also super hot. So it is, it's like Right, thank you, Sports Illustrated. But it is just, you put two incredibly hot women on the cover. That's what you're supposed to do. Yeah. Like, yeah, but it's different than before.

It's like, I guess. Same with the Victoria's Secret Angels, which again, very happy that they are doing like a diverse show. I'm proud that they are like putting people of all sizes into it. I think it's great. But sometimes it hits a point when a corporation is like, yeah, look it out. Great. Yeah.

Where it's like, well, let's tone that back a little bit because you also had like a many, many years where you didn't. Right. Like, you could have been doing this earlier. I'm happy that they're doing. I'm happy at least it's starting. Yes. The Sports Illustrated SwimSuit Edition 2 is also this funny relic of a before time where the internet

didn't exist and like internet access to just even basic pictures of women in bikinis, much less at full on hardcore pornography involving, you know, cutting each other and, you know, feces, you know what I mean? this is how far we've come. But back in the day, we were such a repressed society that literally the Sports Illustrated Swimsoot Edition was like one of the big things that it would happen that year. And all the horny people who liked that sort of thing, we'd go crazy for it. And it's just so funny because now it's like such a blip on the map.

And I forget how it came up, but we mentioned it earlier, the Swimtooth Edition. Because again, it was like this, it really was this big moment where it was this really weird, especially with like, I know the men in my kind of world, right? It's this big weird horny moment for us all, this language that we spoke together of as a horny people when the Sports Illustrated would come out and we'd ogle it. Older men, younger boys, we'd all be kind of on this same weird train together. I mean, honestly, I was on that train because I would look at him and be like,

I'm never going to look like that in a bathing suit. Right, right. And the answer that is still true to this day. And I mean, it's kind of akin to me to the Victoria's Secret catalog, right? Oh, yeah. That same energy was happening. And it's just so funny because I guess this is news, but it is very funny to me to think that, like, people even at all think about the swimsuit edition. Or that it even exists still, to be honest with you.

Because what even is it at this point? It's a magazine about sports. These are women and bikinis. Some of them are athletes, yes. But besides that, I mean, there's really very little sports education. happening, I would say, around the swimsuit edition. You know what he mean? It is weird to be like, yeah, Megan the Stallion is hot.

Also, right, like what? I guess this would, I guess it's just like, it's a magazine about hot people, but it is funny to think about like, why is Megan the Stallion on the cover of Sports Illustrate? All right, whatever, because she's hot. Cool. What? They've, like, they've never had a rapper on.

They've never had a black woman rapper. Like, it's just, yeah, it is, it's just, who, who's buying it? Who's jerking off? It's the same thing as Playboy. It's like what even is Playboy at this point? Like how do you even navigate what it means anymore? You know, it's just so technology, I feel like it's like wiped it out. But, you know, just like I golf clapped for Playboy,

putting a pregnant woman on the cover of that thing. Yeah. I will golf clap a yet again for Megad the Stallion. And even more so for the first transgender model, Lena Bloom, appearing on the cover. And I think that to whatever extent it is still true that like, if it is still true, that to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated, swimsuit edition means, like, this is an icon of hotness, obviously.

And also big for their career, I imagine, does it, is that still like a, you know, a boost, a range or like a, what is it, a level that people want to a team? Like, I imagine that some people have the dream of being, like, Reagan and Sally maybe had that dream of like, I want to be on the cover of that. Right. And that's fucking awesome. Right. Again, it's so funny.

I'd have to go live in Charlotte, I think, again, for. for a year to see whether or not. I mean, people still have Sports Illustrated like they did when I was a kid. Yes, when I was a kid, even though I wasn't into sports at all personally and had no interested in the magazine, it was in every household. It was at every barbershop. Definitely. It was every, yeah, it was a mainstay magazine.

But what is that now? What is a magazine now? I mean, do you all have a magazine subscription to anything? I love magazines, but I don't have any magazine subscription. but I think that because of the, I don't know, I think that the significance to me, especially of like Lena Blum, but also Megan the Stallion is like, right, because you would, this was something you would see on the coffee table at everybody's house and at the barbershop and every, the dentist office. And it was like, you said, Jackie, it was like, this is what hotness is. And if you were a girl, you're like, oh, that's what I should aspire to. And I think that the significance for both of these women is like, these are like, you know, black women, trans women. like have not ever been allowed into the realm of like the ultimate mainstream acceptable definition of hotness. Of hot.

And so I think that that's what's so significant about Megan Estagalli, not necessarily that she's like the first rapper. Or specifically what Sports Illustrated. Yeah. Yeah. Like that like this is a symbol of like as a society we should accept that we that these women are hot and we've never admitted that they were hot before. because only a certain type of hot woman was ever on the cover of this thing.

And so it's significant now. But I do think it's like a symbol because, again, I don't know who. I mean, people, I think people will see the image online and not necessarily in the magazine and then be like, oh. And maybe straight cis guys will see Lena Bloom and be like, I'm a little bit confused by how hot she is. And maybe they'll see Megan the Stallion and be like, oh, she's incredibly hot too. And maybe it will make people feel horny and excited. And alive in a new way. Streets will run white.

It's a question that I will never ask an adolescent boy, but it really is for that person, that demographic, I think, of like, do you even look towards this at all for, that was where I was discovering, like, the female body was the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. But I also feel

like I'm remembering myself in like a long cloak with like my gen. You know, I mean, like, I'm in some weird Amish cult in my memories right now because it feels so fucking puritanical to be like, you know, uh, I saw a woman in a swimsuit. Yeah, yeah, I feel like my, my body was fully wrapped in like wool cloth at this time of my life for that to be like the, my number one place to go to see like what partially covered breasts looked like, but it was true. Yeah. It was like one of the only minorly accepted places to go was like that

and the white wedding music video, you know? And that's all we had at one point in time to just see just even the hint of breasts. I feel like crazy right now. And then all these people go on and there's these, you know, 12-year-olds looking at scat porn. And you're just like,

I don't know what's going on these things. Or unless you're lucky enough to be Carl Thomas Dean who is the husband of Dolly Parton. And I didn't include this an hour list, but I don't know if you guys saw this online, that she was pushing because for her birthday she wanted to be on the next cover of Playboy magazine again. So what she did is she recreated the cover that she had done in 1978 for her husband,

for his 79th birthday, and made it very clear of like, he still thinks I'm hot, we're still doing great sexually. And that video that like went around on the social media's made, God, just put a smile to my face. If you haven't watched her talk about how her husband thinks she's, She's a hot chick. Look up Dolly Parton Playboy. And it's just, talk about Govah. She looks great.

Talk about giving, like, inspiring me of like, fuck yeah, man. Hell yeah, you look great. Yeah, she looks awesome. I feel like Jane Fonda and Dolly Parton doing heroic things for being hot, older women, which, again, when we were growing up, it was like, you may as well be dead. My God. Yes. Hellen Mirren. Jesus.

Diane Keaton. You. Lots of hot, hot, hot, older women. And always have. But I feel like they're the first, they're like, Dali and Jane are the ones that are like, I'm hot and I love sex, you know, and we just didn't get that from older women when we were young.

No, but they definitely get that at the Olympic Village, even though they claim that the sex beds are anti-sex beds at the Olympic Village. We all know, I've been talking about this for weeks. Soon, the Olympics are going to start. And you know, I love the Olympics. And they said that they created these cardboard beds in the Olympic Village, even though everyone knows

that they all bang the fuck out of each other. That they actually have bowls of condoms handed out for people to try to desperately keep the STD rates down because you're a bunch of hot, strong competitors in one, like the best in their field. They really put the common competitor, right? It runs right with it.

I just love the concept for this story that you can only have sex on a bed, that there is no other location in said room in which one could have any sort of sexual intercourse. No, it has to be on a bed. And therefore, they made it cardboard. So I'm almost certain that this was just like a conservation effort, an environmental thing.

But I do think it's hilarious that they also have said, yeah, it's also to make the... I just, I love the mythos around the horniness of Olympic Village. And I'm sure it's like not, maybe it is as crazy as people. But I love dreaming about how crazy it is in my brain. Yeah, I don't think it'll ever be as crazy as what it is in my brain. Because it's the most hot as the people with the most amazing bodies, Hunter. So of course we want to think about them fucking each other.

Right. As long as it's consenting and as long as they're over the age of 18. Because, you know, there's also like, there's that like little, I'm not a little girl, but like a young person who's 13 on the skateboarding team, I believe, that like she's just fucking out there, like hanging tail. Like, hell yeah, bitch. But no, over 18 and consenting, yes. Over 18 consenting, amazing.

Slipping around in the cum in the village. Capable bodies. I like the idea of them, like, incorporating their, like, sport into the sexual moves and stuff, like the shot put person, like, twirling around the room and then, like, throwing a couple fingies. You know what I mean? Or something.

Or a dude of the hard dick, like, pulled, jumping, like, into the woman. Oh, my God, I love it. Yeah, yeah, like pole vaulting. Someone riding around on somebody like they're the dressage horse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Faster. Definitely go into the synchronized swimmer room because they're real fucking,

oh, right on time every time. Right on time every. You just like, they just surround you, they like spin around you and like this synchronized fashion and like envelop you. It's so beautiful. You got a fuck. Yeah, yeah, perfect. It's so, it's fun. That's a theme park, man.

Olympic Village, the Olympic Village Sex theme park. And where are the sex theme parks? Oh my God. Where are the fuck theme parks? Also, there should be an Olympic, maybe without the sex simulation,

but there should be an Olympic, there should be an Olympic themed theme park where you can get the sensation of diving off one of those big diving boards, but you don't have to actually do it. Well, I even had this thought of like, but then you take away the whole pageantry and everything, so I know they'll never do this.

But part of me is like, when everyone always complains about how the Olympic kind of destroy whatever place they're set in, and it's this big rigmarole, and at the end of the day, it's kind of bad for the community, arguably in a lot of ways, like whatever country it's set.

And then I was like, why don't they just fucking set it and always have it be in Athens, but then you take away the, like, country pride stuff. Yeah, of the host country. But that said, you could also, MJ, establish exactly that. Like a theme park,

Olympic theme park, because that's just where the Olympics are every single, you know, every two years or whatever. Yeah, that way you don't have to raise a whole city like they do. Just the summer ones. Like, yeah. A, you don't raise the whole city. B, you could have a theme park. You could have like a place that you could visit even off like the season and still, you know,

do stuff like that. And I think that would be really fascinating. But no, we have to just keep destroying the countries, including us. Aren't we going to get destroyed? California is going to get destroyed real soon here, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Four years. L.A. is doing it, I believe, in four years.

years. What if they make a theme park where they put you in a little harness like your rock climbing or whatever and then they just bring you up to the uneven parallel bars and your body just spins around and you do all the shit as if you were that athletic. Everyone's pukeen. Everybody's pukeen. There's no way they're not. Everybody gets an exoskeleton that's like allows you to do all of the sports. Like you're a big bug. Yeah like at the level that you know what I mean? It's just this huge metal. It looks like colossus from X-Men. It's this huge metal body. And And you just get to do everything like at the same level as the Olympians. Run really fast and like jump over hurdles.

Oh my God, this would be so fun. This is such a premise for a super villain team. Go on. Oh my God, yes. Just like Iceland and Mighty Ducks too. But at least don't worry, guys. The beds, although the headlines are claiming they are anti-sex, we had somebody a very attractive Irish gymnast that did the Lord's work.

and took videos of him jumping vigorously on the beds to show that in fact the beds will not collapse if there are multiple people on it jump in and having sex. So it's been debunked. Don't worry. They'll still be able to bang underneath the beds, on top of the beds, in the bathrooms, on the banisters, literally anywhere that they can fit crotch to crotch

or fingee to fingee or fingee to fendie or finy to fendez. They're going to do it, and I'm proud of our Olympians. I've heard they create some sort of like human snake in the Olympic Village. It's almost like human centipy, but they're all 69ing and stuff. Oh my God, but they put out the like gold medals around. Like it's like Snake the game and they have to pick up all the medals if they want to get the medals. Uh-huh. I've heard that.

Completely into that. But also speaking of winners, I haven't even said it yet. Guys, we did it. We did it. And on this show, it's because of you guys. that are out there, and because of the hot dog and sausage council, I have become the southwestern hot dog ambassador of the United States. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Congratulations, Jackie. I'm going to get a bracelet, and I'm going to continue eating hot dogs. I was unofficial for a really long time, but now I am official. And it feels great, so it's almost like I'm an Olympian, if you think about it. I just want to say congratulations to you. Thank you. You look fantastic. You look, you, by far, I wish there was some fight to the death against the other ambassadors.

I know you would best them, not only in hot dog trivia, as well as possibly even a dance competition and a personality competition. I think you would win. So if you are one of the other regional hot dog ambassadors and you're listening to this now, which I'm sure that you are, come at me. because I'm ready to throw down. I was going to say, what's your relationship with them? Are you in collaboration?

Are you guys all on a team now? Are you going to have, is there like a committee, you know, executive meetings you have to have? Or is it more like, you're competing to be the ultimate national hot dog champion? What's your title again, hot dog ambassador? Hot dog ambassador of the southwestern region of the United States. And ambassador to who exactly, just to society for, yeah, for just the general public. And I am the one that will represent us, hopefully, at the Meat Olympics in 2024. Fantastic.

Oh, my God, I'm going to be slipping in ground beef. You don't even get me started. You're like, well, where's the ground beef? And I'm like, where's the beef? Remember, guys? I love how that Olympic Village would more represent what a normal, like, sex club in America would look like. You mentioned the smell of that Olympic Village?

I just eat meat and fucking all day long. I imagine you just like... In that Olympic village, or in that Olympics, you just like stand on top of that big diving board and you just like drop the hot dogs down. Yeah. Yeah, you just see how wet your meat can get.

That's a wet meat competition. How far can you throw the hot dogs? Throw meat. Funnily enough, no eating competitions. There's literally no eating competition the whole time. It's just all weird stuff. You choose your condiment of choice and you put it all over yourself.

then you will be the hot dog. You hit one of those like water-esque slides. It won't be water, but it'd probably be hot dog water. And you get into it and you have to like go up and like around in some sort of a loop-de-loop and get yourself like fly into a bun that is made out of foam. And so you have to use the condiment that will make you the most slippery. I think Mayo will be difficult, but I think we can make it happen. This just sounds like a Nickelodeon game show from the 90s, you know, like how we always had to like,

I love you're describing the ride that was shut down after like a day at Action Park. That would be the water slide. Pretty much. You're definitely thinking about water parks. Very dangerous. Very dangerous ride. I'm coming for you other hot dog ambassadors.

You hear me. Get them. Get them because you can, you take their scepter. If you take them out and then you'll become the one true ambassador. I love this. I need to get all the stones. And I think that I need to add some sort of stones into my hot dog crown, which I do have because of a beautiful listener.

sent me one, so I guess I got to start taking their fingers. Unfortunately, too, you're gonna have to find, you're gonna have to find a dragon ball as well, unfortunately. I'm not sure why. Yeah. Where do I get those? Is that in a cave? You have to fight Goku. You have to kill Goku. Oh, no. He's really fast? He's very strong. The way I feel

bad on the other regions, though, because they don't stand a chance against you. I mean, you really have building this up. It's like it's a totally on even playing field. Oh, and you look at them all, and they're all, you can tell they're weak in nature. I'll break them. I'll break them into a million pieces and you know what?

I'm going to turn them into a hot dog. And I'm going to eat it live on air. You are the weakest hot dog, Link. Goodbye. Yeah. Hold on. I love it. All right.

I think it's time for it. A conspiracy theory for the ages. Hit me. Do you believe it? Is Rush Limbaal actually Jim Morrison? Wow. Terrific. Wow.

It has to be true. All right. Are you guys Dors fans at all? I feel like it's the kind of thing when you first get into rock and roll, they're the best, and then you kind of quickly realize they're maybe not the best,

but they're still good. It was definitely, I went through the phase where I loved the doors, definitely in the beginning of college, and then I hated the doors because then I would be one of those people of like, Jim Morrison was just the front end.

Why do you worship him like he's your God? Oh, oh, you want your golden god. You know when you go through the doors? Now I'm like, it's fine. It's the doors. I like that you said it the other day. You go through these phases where you just choose stuff to hate. To hate.

And then you look back, you're like, why did I? That was totally mean. Or maybe I had to hate things. Just because based on the, you had to have a P. I did, I never had a Dores phase. But based on the, I did a lot of judging by the people who had the Jim Morrison posters in their college dorm rooms. And I judged negatively.

And I shouldn't have because some of my best friends had pictures of Jim Morrison in there too. But it is just. MJ, I'll do you one worse. MJ, you ready for the one worse? Oh yeah. I had the poster of the ladies with all the Pink Floyd albums painted on.

Oh, of course you did. Of course you did. Oh, I remember that you had that in like the plastic frame as well that we all bought from Walmart. Yes, it is that is the ultimate whatever poster for a college kid is that poster. But, you know, a lot of us were that guy in college.

I had Bob Marley poster. Don't work. You had Bob Marley. That's what I thought you were going to say. I had the old school Reefer Madness poster. Go on. Let's just go around the room and try to out. I rolly poster each other.

All right, anyways, I had the Fear and Lothing poster. All right. This one comes in from Jenna. Dearest Holden, on for a hero, Bonnie Tyler, that dank medical MJ and Jackie Throbinson. She gave us a little bit. I'm super happy that you all enjoyed my Lady Gaga murdered Lou Reed call out. I mean, conspiracy.

Today I bring you something equally as inhinged, but much less glamorous. More stank on it. I initially saw it in a blind item and have done my own research, heavily speculated, and definitely extrapolated. Strap on your gooch extra toit

for this one, because today we're going to find out was Rush Limbaugh, actually Jim Morrison. I'm toit, bitch. I'm toyed. James Douglas Morrison was a singer, songwriter, and poet best known for fronting legendary rock band

The Doors. From a young age, Jim was troubled for reasons ranging from his father being a douche canoe to witnessing a car crash involving natives where he believed some of their spirits entered his brain. Basically, Jim was pretty weird and believed weird things.

And throughout his time, performing with the doors, he was notoriously an asshole, disappearing for days with no warning, missing important practices and meetings, overall just being a big old jagweed to everyone he met. However, as is the case with many talented creatives,

it was mostly excused because of his singing and songwriting abilities. Since his death in 1971, most have held him in extremely high, regard for his lyrics and performances. However, many people have reasons to believe that Jim didn't die in 1971. First being, apparently only two people saw his dead body, his girlfriend, Pamela Corson, and the coroner. The coroner refused to speak about it. And in the years between Jim's alleged death and Pamela's own, she apparently often spoke about him as if he were alive. Friends said,

they assumed she was just working through grief and trauma, even though she would say things like, I need to go home, Jim's going to be calling soon. Everyone around Jim heard him say he hated being in the spotlight. He hated the doors being famous, and he recently began hating his fellow bandmates for allowing Chrysler to use the song, Light My Fire, in a commercial, a decision that was made without Jim because he had disappeared on a week-long bender. Some believe Jim faked his death and began traveling around the U.S. of A. This is directly from the blind on crazy days and nights. This is a famous blind item website, because I can't be bothered to look into the actual history on the limb balls. Quote, not long after he befriended a well-to-do family in a Midwestern state,

this family had a problem. Despite the prominent success of many members, one of the current generation was a ne'er-do-well, and one day under the pressure of succeeding, he committed suicide. The patriarch of the family made a deal with the former singer. Having a loser's son who committed suicide was not in the card, so even though the singer was a little older

and a couple inches shorter, the patriarch asked him to assume the role of the son, which he did. He and the son did have very similar facial features, slightly different accents, but similar tones to their voices as well. After this, the singer, and the role of the son got interested in a career the son was pursuing in.

For a number of years, he slogged in partial anonymity until he achieved A-plus level success under his new identity. This was not a serious expression of who he was, but an identity that hordes of people could relate to, end quote. I assert that Jim Morrison became burnt out and disillusioned with hippie fame, turned a complete 180 to assume the identity of Rush to help the Limbaugh family. But having had a waste, a taste of fame once before he became hungry for it again, even if it meant spouting off horrific right-wing garbage. Thanks for reading y'all tried not to drown and all the street come, hashtag white street summer,

your pal, Jenna. All right, what do y'all think? Do you think that he is Rush Limbaugh? I mean, this is... I have no question about it. Fantastic. I'm looking at pictures of Young Rush. I will say I'm surprised that there are some pictures

where you could argue that there is a resemblance. even though I associate Jim Morrison as being a hot person, and I do not have that association with Rush Limbaugh. Even Young Rush. Young Rush was never hot. He always had that just stupid round. He always had that face. The problem was the same face.

Yeah, just a hateful face. And the only picture I can find that when he's young, he's got a turtle neck on and he's got a... Oh, what a loser! So I, unfortunately, I hate to do this because I love this conspiracy theory, but I got to say that I do not, I want to believe, but I do not.

Chubby late life, Jim Morrison, I'm gonna say, does kind of resemble Rush Limbaugh a little bit. I'm gonna throw it out there. But young, yeah, the youth ones, though, is really where it gets confused. But no, but you're right, there's some, when his face fills out a little bit

and it does, I do see, I do, it could be possible. They have a similar smile. And similar eyes, kind of deep set up. I could buy it just in terms of he was such a fucker, Jim. Yeah. So I could see. You know what though? Older Jim Morrison, I think could be played by Walton Goggins.

There you go. I think that some of this phase, I feel like he looks more like Walton Goggins that he does rush Limbaugh. All right. Is he Walton Goggins? You all the weakest link, goodbye. There it is. You're the weakest sausage link.

Goodbye. That is my celebrity conspiracy. And I don't know. Is it time for us to do a sort of bullet. pointy thing that has a name, Jackie? Whoa, yes. It's the list. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Real quick for the two of you guys, I sent a different list because I don't like the list.

I saw. I saw this list. I just looked up another one. You got it. You got it. I wanted to tie it into the Tyra Banks thing. Perfect. Because these are funnier.

I love it. Anyway, it's the list. 11 most embarrassing celebrity side projects. Yeah, we were talking about. Tyrant Banks and her weird Walt Disney future? But did you know that Dwight Yocom had Takem's macaroni mouth poppers?

Now, I have a soft spot for Dwight Yocom. I love Dwight Yocom. But this, sadly enough, I'd probably purchase, but it probably would be very good. Country star Dwight Yocom tried to break out into the industry of flash frozen comfort food like you do. He added a flaky fried coating

to the ultimate comfort food, Mac and cheese. He planned to sell it in the frozen food aisle at an affordable price. It's a wonder he thought himself to be an expert on designing and mass-producing frozen food. He probably wished he could pop some fried Mac

into the microwave while he was on the road and was inspired to invent this treat. Needless to say, it didn't make him much money, but that hasn't stopped him from expanding his brand to include frozen chicken nuggets, frozen rib sliders, frozen pizzas and frozen burritos. I had no idea.

That's amazing. Dwight Yolkham got into the flash-fried food business. All right, you got something at a grocery store. What are you going with? My answer is immediately going to be Holden's holes, donut holes. Oh, that's really good. I'll be Holden's holes. Of actual food, are you talking about?

Yeah, donut holes. That's going to be the product, and it's going to be Holden's holes. I'd be scared to eat at Holden's holes. Come on back get some Holden's holes. You don't know what you might disappear in. It could be a nightmare. It could be your brightest beautiful dream. M.J.

Holden's holes. I don't. It's a real squintcher. Yeah. MJ. I feel like I got. I mean, marijuana is good for you. MJ is MJ once it's legal enough to not be at a dispensary anymore.

To be in a grocery store, yeah. MJ is MJ coppers. They're also mac and cheese bites fried. Mm-hmm. But they've got tea. Poppers? Yeah, weed poppers. Yeah. Oh my God. Now, sign me up. I love that. That is really. Jackie, what are we doing?

Are we going with some dogs? What are we doing? I guess I'd have to do some sort of hot dogs, but I'd probably call them Jackie's meat tubes. And I think that that might be just too, is that too direct? Well, they can be ambassador branded as the thing. I mean, you're on brand. You know, at this point, you have a brand and you need to stick with it. And if you were to be like, Jackie's celery sticks, we'd be like, fuck off. You're the hot dog ambassador. So, yeah, it'd be weird. I mean, I've also told you about the Jackie, right?

The Jackie is a grilled hot dog with blue cheese and pickled jalapeno's. And then on the bun, it's mayo and spicy brown mustard that's together on it. And that's my dog. So I guess I'll be sewing those. I would eat that. All right.

I would eat that. Segment, weird extra segment is over. A segment in the segment, but would you eat at Hulk Hogan's pasta mania? You had me in Hulk Hogan's. Yes, I will absolutely eat. Am I having a dream of deja vu? because didn't we have an infamous, if I might say,

episode about Hulk Hogan's fucking, Daddy's Deli. Daddy's Deli in the Mall of America. That remains my favorite page seven episode of all time where I like nearly actually keeled over from laughing about Daddy's Deli. And now he's got another one. Yes. As a matter of fact, Halken's pasta mania restaurant. Yeah, you can get Hokos or you can buy Hulko's.

or you can buy hookahrues, two different things. It was also in the Mall of America. Why is he taken over the Mall of America food court? There's just so much extra space too and that, you know what I mean? You could just probably like a place. We probably could open up a place. Yeah, they're probably just like, whatever, do whatever you want. Just do it.

Just keep away from him and he's just like, yeah. Just shoving pasta in his mouth because, you know, that's usually what big muscle-toned guys are eating a lot of. and that's pasta. But would you purchase Lindsay Lohan's fake Tanner? I think if anyone could sell me fake Tanner, it would be Lindsay Lohan. When was this? Oh, there's no

2009. Oh, no, 2009. So yeah, right in the throes of 2009 is always now for me going to be the absolute worst depths of celebrity culture we've ever, I think, seen at least in our lifetime. That's the Britney meltdown.

That's like, yeah, that's when Lohan is just starting to become known for just fucking cocaine and loose men. Well, don't worry, but what about chardonnay extract? Because chardonnay extract and caramel and goji berries are in the self-tanner. And it lasts four to five days. I'm going to throw it out there.

I don't think I've ever... In Florida, it was big, of course, in high school to use self-tanner. But I never did because I was so scared of like every... Like, the showing of people's hands were like, no, it's a real tan. And then they see the orange streaks on your hand. And I was like, I can't go through that embarrassment. Maybe it's just one of those things where like, it's like plastic surgery. Like, you don't notice it.

So it's only the bad plastic surgery you know, so it stands out. And then you think all plastic surgery is bad. But I kind of feel like have I ever seen a self-tan work that if you don't go to a place for a fake tan, instead just do it yourself? Has it ever actually worked? Maybe. I had a summer, summer of 2010. I was using at the recommendation of friends who I trusted deeply, I was using it. using like a lotion that had a self-tanner

because I was getting some shame for how white my legs were. And I did it, and it didn't work. It didn't look good. Of course, you get hot. You're walking around New York City. You're sweating. You got streaks. And then it's dripping down.

It's drippy. It's orangey. And so I can say I have walked this road. I have dripped down this road. And I will not do it again. It's like you're at the Olympic Village. You're just dripping down the road. the road. But I would buy

Lindsay Lowhands, I think. But would you buy Acon's diamonds? Because Acon has a diamond mine. This is just an actual diamond mine in South Africa. And he ensures that the mine that he has is not

involved in the blood diamond trade. Because he doesn't believe that blood diamonds exist. But we don't need to go into that. But he does sell diamonds from his mind and donates the proceeds to local African charities. So at least he's doing something good with the diamonds that are not blood diamonds.

I like, because if you've got to say it, that means it's definitely real. The idea of extracting wealth from like a land and a people and then donating your profits, a margin of your profits to charity for the people. Back to them. That's going to be taken away from them and not given to them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Terrific. No, it makes sense.

He's doing good for the people, MJ. So funny. But is 50 cent doing good for the people with his magic stick condoms? I think that's fun. Yeah, why not? Put out, that's good for the world and a good message to send, you know.

I think it's a good one. I stand behind this one. But it was all canceled before it took off. Yep. He wasn't getting what he liked and as someone that had to, I did speak with him. Oh, we wanted it to be like,

keep your dick hard condoms. Oh, weird. Okay, well, this is... Wait, what do you mean? It said, look, he at 50s and admitted he wanted the condo to be something that wasn't physically possible, full of a magical chemical

that would make men last a long time. That's what he wanted. He wanted to be like a dick pill and a condom in one. All wrapped into one. Technically, that's very, you know, that's a sound practice. I understand.

And you can also practice sounding with that hard dick. Ding, yeah, yeah, yeah, ging, ying, you know what? Just put some, yeah, put some plaster of parents. around it, give it a little bit of a pipa machet, juge, and then that's really how you keep it hard. Beautiful.

But last but not least, kisses caskets with the K, Kiss the band in 2001 Gene Simmons decided fans would be more excited about death if it meant they got to be buried in a casket that was covered with images of the band. It costs over $3,000, and the caskets didn't make much money, but nothing sounds as unappealing is being stuck in a box, covered with grown men with painted faces, sticking their tongues out. I agree with the writer of this.

So funny. I just love, I hate Gene Simmons, but I love how Kisses like the space balls, like Schwartz, like merchandising. Like they are that in the band. Like it is, their merchandising is just knows no bounds. It's so funny. Nope.

They are completely, um, they go for it. And I guess, uh, in many ways. unfortunately, but no one wanted the kisses caskets, and that's the end of our list. And this is the beginning of me going blind.

That's right. I think I'm going. Oh, we can't see them. Well, maybe you'll see this fucking bullshit. Ouch. Get ready for the painodrome. Get ready for hell's painedrome, Jackie. Oh, I'm so scared.

That's right. There's hell and knives in these blind items. No, there's not. This is fine. This is an interesting one. I really hope this one's true because it's evil and hilarious. This not liked member

of this ensemble singing show no longer on the air pitched a seance show where she would try and connect with all the dead people from the show. Ensemble singing show with a lot of dead people. Yes.

When you say ensemble singing show do you mean like... More than one dead person. Like a contest? Like an American Idol type of show? No. You mean like a show, a fictional show about? Like a show show.

The Partridge family? No, newer. What's like the most biggest ensemble singing show that is now? Lee! Oh my God, they do have a lot of 10. They do have a lot of them. It was traditionally the hated cast member now of that show. Oh, the bitch we just talked about a couple weeks ago.

She's hot. She's mean. Michelle, Leah Michelle? Yes, Leah Michelle. I don't have any other information on this. I just thought that was the funniest, craziest fucking blind I've ever seen him. I hope this is, I hope she wouldn't have legitimately pitched this show. That is so funny.

I feel like people would watch it, though. Very dark. People love a curse, you know, people love a curse. Yeah. What's a terrible night for a curse? These next two blinds come in from Carson. Not daily, though, okay? Because he's whatever.

Yeah, he is whatever. Put him in jail. Yeah, put him in whatever jail or whatever. Just the whatever jail, though. Not real jail. Not real jail. Hi, page seven friends. Hi.

I've been meaning to write in about this first one for a while, but when my friend told me about the second one, I had to email you finally. First, a few years ago, my coworker worked in a small airport where people with private planes fly in and out regularly. I asked you she'd been seen through the years, and it was a lot of people in sports, yawn and generally mega rich people. On occasion, performance celebs would come through, and that's what I care about. One time she said, this A-list diva most known for her singing came through.

I think because they had to refuel, and she demanded a pizza ASAP. This airport isn't in close proximity to any pizza places, so it would cost extra to get it to her and even more in the time frame she needed. From what I was told, the grand total for a few pizzas to be delivered to her was over $1,000. And diva gets what diva wants. The other airport personnel who had to deal with her were very stressed out by the end of it. Imagine that diva hangary. What's a singing?

Mariah Carey. Oh, wow. Oh man. Would you want to fuck with hungry Mariah Carey? I certainly fuck wouldn't. Amazing. I do whatever she wanted. But I was thinking immediately, I was like, well, someone probably with kids.

Because I'm like, I was like, oh, maybe it's not Mariah Carey because I can't imagine her eating pizza, but she's with her kids to like feed people. Maybe. I would imagine that. That's like the easy, exhausted food. Yeah. Especially when you're a parent. Second bit of gossip.

And the last one for the day. My BFF works in the service industry and her man. previously worked in a popular local restaurant slash bar in Tennessee. The manager was telling her about the times that this A-list acting diva had visited her restaurant and how much of an absolute monster she was to staff. Apparently, she doesn't shy away from, don't you know who I am, behavior, and asks for things you can't even buy in the U.S. Think specialty foods, not illegal, and gets offended when you don't know what she wants

slash can't get it for her. All of her proposals are indecent. Sharon Stone? No. I'm thinking of basic instinct. always mix those ones up. Indecent proposal. Glenn Close?

No. No, that one's fatal attraction. I can't remember indecent proposal. Is it cheating to Google it? No, no. I always mix up basic instinct and indecent proposals. She won't let her husband go to space. Milakunis?

Oh, no, wait, never mind. This guy used to be with the... Oh, fuck, I fucked this whole thing up. Not Milikinus. Oh, Demi Moore. Yes, Demi Moore. Never mind. It was Milakunis who won't let Ash and Couther go to space,

not Dimmie Moore, but that was one of the articles for this week. Don't make up, don't mess that up in front of that, you know, right? I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. G.I.J. and herself was apparently, as shocker, a fucking nightmare person to deal with if you're in the service industry, that does not blow me away on any level. But also, yeah, one of the other stories we didn't do this week was that, yes,

Ashley Couther bought one of those $200,000 space flights, and he had to return the money because Milakunis was like, yeah, you're not going to leave me of the kids. to go into space, fuck face. That's a good for her for Milakunis, man. Completely. Nobody, no rich guys need to go to space and somebody, they need a Milakunis wife to be like, fuck no, you know.

I just think that that's really identified with that. Also, now I'm looking at indecent proposal. I think I'm going to watch this tonight. Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. I've never seen it. Isn't that the one where it's like a million dollars for one night with your wife?

Isn't that the premise? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know of it. I just have never seen it. The trailer for a decent proposal. is very, very sexy. Also, the person who wrote in, Carson says, love the podcast,

and I listen to it religiously every week. So proud of all of you for killing it in life. I love that you're all thriving in different ways. And also a little low-key, shout-out to MJ for being so cool, getting back to her on Insta. And DMs and stuff.

Thank you for right again. Thank you so much for the blinds this week. And if you'd like to send in blinds page, the number seven podcast at gmail.com, page seven podcast at gmail.com, the numerical seven, or you will go to the wrong person. We'll go to some sad person

who's like, why do people keep sending me shoutouts? Send those blind items, celebrity conspiracies. We love them. And, of course, the shoutouts, which I think, are we about to hear a shoutout, bird? Tell us to intro that part of the show. Intro the shoutouts. Shout, shout, let it all out.

We'll read them to you. Come on. And thank you guys so much. And we are going to, we have got a little bit of an LPN time off for the next couple of weeks. So if you send in shoutouts, I will get to them, but not for a couple of weeks from now, so just so you guys are where.

But please send in shoutouts to page 7podcast at gmail.com. But first of all, big happy birthday goes out to Catskitten me. Catskit me is an amazing part of our Twitch community. And it's their 24th birthday on July 28th. I hope you have the best birthday. And if you want to share some of the birthday joy with them, follow them on at Emery Does, E-M-E-R-Y-D-O-E-S on Insta, because they just started selling their own homemade artwork,

and it's sick as fuck, totally check it out. And also Holden, which I think that this is very cute, Cats Kitten Me, their Twitch name is a play on a weird pun. My friend used to say, you've cats to be kitten me instead of you've got to be joking me I realize it doesn't make sense but I'll probably never change it

and I just, I really like the phrase you cats to be kitten me and it sounds like the kind of thing I would be saying it does sound exactly like something you would say Happy birthday cats kitten me and oh my God it's Claire and Daniel's first wedding anniversary

they got married during Quar last year which Gronia and this is so damn adorable this is what Claire had to say about their husband, Daniel. I am absolutely obsessed with him and the life we're building together. We've come so far together and I'm so proud of his career change and sticking with his music no matter how hard life can get. I've never loved anyone more and I can't wait for all the future anniversaries that we spend together and that is adorable. Happy anniversary, you cuties!

But don't worry, there's other birthdays to be had. because Erica wrote in and Erica shares a birthday with Julio, everybody on July 31st, and I'm so glad that you're in our Twilight Book Club, and thank you for being a beautiful part of our community. Happy birthday! And we've got another golden Leo on our hands. Sydney turns 29 on July 29th, and her dear friend Emily can't spend her birthday with her.

And she says Sydney is such a wonderful person and friend, and has been such a strong pillar of support to me this last year. I don't know what I would do without her in my life and I love her so much. I'm looking forward to many more years of bike rides, glasses of wine, and screaming at Hallmark Christmas movies together, which I would like to join. Yes, I've just invited myself to your Hallmark Christmas movie party. Um, got more birthdays because baby Maddox turns two today, which is also Kisle's birthday. And apparently Kaylee, Maddox's mom, almost named the baby after Kissel

I'm glad that he did it because Maddox is a cool as shit name. I also want to say because again, man, Leo's burst, baby. I think it's just all these Thanksgiving babies and they just, man, they shoot out of their mommies because it's also Perry's birthday.

Lydia wrote in to say, Happy birthday, Perry! Whose birthday is on the 23rd. She says, Perry is one of my favorite people on Earth. And it's one of the most loyal understanding and realist friends. you could ask for. She's currently finishing up some summer classes in order to become a speech language pathologist and is looking to get her master soon as well. She's working really hard

and I was wondering if you guys could wish her luck in her endeavors as well as a very happy birthday on the 23rd. She also did ask if I had a song that is a representative of a beautiful Leo lady and I'm going to sing another song that was on the Leo playlist on Spotify. Don't hide yourself and regret. Just love yourself and you say. You're on the rat track. Baby Perry's born this way. And that is another which I get it. You know, we're loud and we're proud, us Leo's.

It's a weird playlist. I will say that. But that's completely okay. We are again thick with Leo energy. Ali wrote in and said her best friend Kate is turning 28 this week. Allie says Kate is the most fun thoughtful and hilarious person I know. And she's turning 28 this week. She's the middle of getting her high school English teacher credential.

and has worked super hard this year. I'm so proud of her and I want to know how much I completely adore her and also give her this moment of attention from her favorite podcast to feed her Leo's soul. Happy birthday to my ride or die meatball. Fellow meatball! Happy birthday! When I read that, I immediately said, Where's the beach?

And I think that I need to watch Jersey Shore again. I think I'm going to start watching it every year. And I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. I want to give a beautiful emotional shout out to a woman who wrote in who found out about page seven because her mother, Melissa, loves page seven. And they lived together before Quar and she moved out right before Quar. And unfortunately, after she had moved out, her mother was diagnosed with stage three cancer. She said I wasn't allowed to visit her and the isolation was so scary. But they talked about page seven every week over the phone and her mother beat the cancer.

cancer after nine months of chemo, and she hiked up Red Rocks to go see last podcast with her. And she says, happy birthday, Melissa, you're my hero, and your strength should inspire everyone. I love you, Mom. Let's get matching hot dog tattoos. Thank you for being our saving grace last year, and thank you both so much, Julia and Melissa, for writing in because it's so beautiful story. I'm so proud of your mom. Hell yeah.

Maggie also wrote in, Maggie, we met at the Page 7 show in L.A. you were absolutely the sweetest. Maggie wants to give a shout out for her new Twitch show that she does with her very best friend and cousin Felix. And definitely look it up. It's a punishingly complicated

Lord of the Rings strategy war game, but she promises they have fun. Think Risk meets D&D. And this Tuesday, the 27th, they're doing a very special stream because she's visiting him in real life. Look up fools of a took.

F-O-O-L-S of a T-E-E. took T-O-O-O-K on Twitch. And we've got a couple more birthdays because we've got a strong bitch alert coming up. Kaylee wrote in a shout-out for herself and you fucking deserve it. She's worked so hard. She's taking the bar next week. And unfortunately, she had some other things come up in her life that are really

racking her brain this week. She needs a little bit more help to make it into the finish line. And I want to say that you're going to do it and you've got it. And I'm proud of you. And she's also giving a shout out to her wonderful boyfriend and Trevor. She says, I can't imagine what it's been like to deal with me the past three years of law school and especially the past two months of bar prep. He stepped up in so many ways and I'll never be able to thank him enough and we thank you too, Trevor. And last but not least,

Catherine, who wrote in earlier, the 27-year-old school psychologist who received a loving shout out back in May from her wife is returning the favor. She says, my wife Rachel is turning 27 on August 1st. She's a soft-spoken introvert with a sharp wit and a genius sense of humor. She's gorgeous, instantly likable, courteous to a fault, and makes friends easily. But those special few fortunate enough to meet her truest self will be awed and delighted by her strong personality. Fascinating interests and passions for those she loves, human and animal alike. She's an expert in history, especially 20th century music and pop culture. And she's the reason I was able to pursue my dream job as a school psychologist.

And happy birthday, Rachel. Words alone are not enough to express what a gift it is to know you. I may never be able to verbalize the impact you have on my life, despite my best efforts, but I hope that I can make you feel it. I admire you so much, and I love you. You're my best friend in the whole world, Holden. And then she also said, no homo, okay, full homo.

And I love you guys so much. Thank you so much for the shout-outs, and thank you for writing in. And I love being able to go through, and I read everything that you send in, and I really appreciate it, and it warms the cackles of my heart? Cockles.

Cockles. There's some cackles in your heart, though, for sure. There's some cackles in our as well. We've been cackling today, for sure. Cackles and cockles of Jackie Zbrowski story. Yeah, thanks everybody for writing in page seven podcast at gmail.com, the number seven, not the word, but also, yeah, thank you for the blind items and the conspiracy theories as well.

And just for listening and for all the support, We've got some really fun stuff coming up because there's a bit of a vacation sort of thing happening for the network. So enjoy some new kind of content from us during that time that we've already recorded some of and I'm excited for. Also, check me out Twitch.tv.tv.4.S. Holdenaders ho. Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams. And almost more importantly, patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. If you want to check us out on Patreon, Jackie does so much work for the Patreon. You have no idea. I do a little bit. But Jackie, like, does. like does so much shit guys and um you should really check it out even just for a month or so give it a taste dick in it or your genitals of whatever kind vagina whatever you have um stick it in there and wiggle it around uh thank you again everyone uh that's my plugs i'm i'm sorry uh i'll go um i'm mj a and i'm jk l cat on

instagram on instagram i love you guys so much my name is jackie zbrowski you can follow me Instagram at Jack that we're in me. I am the official hot dog ambassador of the South of the West region of the United States and come and we can come scream about meets over on Twitch.tv. forward slash oh no, it's Jackie. We'll still be having next week. We'll have our Tuesday and Thursday night shows and then the following

week after that which I'm going to push on our next episodes over the next couple of weeks. Don't worry. We still have content coming out. But on August 5th, we will be watching Twilight, Breaking Dawn, Part 1. I'm already... I'm just going to go ahead and say, I just read that last chapter. And if you know, you know.

Very upset. And I'm very upset. I love you guys, and we will talk to you guys soon. Have a beautiful week. Hi, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com. I'm