Page 7 - Ep. 414: Aww Shucks, Ma'am

Episode Date: August 19, 2021

This week we are joined by Ed Larson of The Brighter Side and How America Killed My Mother fillin' in for Holden while he gets his Daddy on! We goss 'bout the probably not needed celebrity cover of New York State of Mind, hermit crabs are horny for plastic, Foo Fighters try to battle Westboro Baptist Church WITH ROCK, Jackie and Henry have the saddest childhood pets, the sucky backlash from Lizzo and Cardi B's Rumors, Brendan Fraser's triumphant return to Hollywood, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; is Anne Hathaway married to... SHAKESPEARE!? As well as the list and shouts!!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What do you think? Dude, so insane. I was on my way to go meet baby Jackie and what came on the radio. Yes, I've been listening to the radio stations because I'd like to hear what the people put out on the radio stations and it kind of blew my mind

because what year is it? Supporting a lot burst in two flames. I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games supporting me while I burn. and rise above the flame. But never be the same.

I have been listening to Incubis nonstop ever since. I'm going back to Florida, baby, in my mind. Welcome to Page 7. Yes, baby Jackie is here, but we're not going to talk about her just yet because first, welcome MJ, of course. Thank you so much for being here on page 7. But we have a very special guest today.

Who is it? And in, I'm going to know. It's Eddie Larson. It's Eddie Larson, host of the brighter side over on the LPN, which is the network that we are currently on, and also creator of How America Killed My Mother. Please also check out the LPN show that Eddie and I did together talking more in depth about how America killed my mother. And, oh, baby. If you haven't watched it yet, look it up. It is, I cry.

Hey, you laugh too. You do both. You laugh. You also laugh. You stay for the cry, then you get a surprise laugh. Yeah. And I will also say everybody knows I cry it. God damn everything.

It is true. You do cry all the time. But it makes you a good person. I guess, is it? I don't, I'm very salinated. That's for damn sure. Did you cry when you met baby Jackie? Did you get salination all over her?

I got a little bit of salination all over her. The streets ran white with my goopy theaters this weekend. That was almost all. Eddie, we've been screaming and begging for the streets to run white with cum over on page seven. And we all know that this is not the summer for it, even though we thought it could have been. But instead, it's the summer of babies being born. And yes, no, her name is not baby Jackie. Although I really wanted Holden to name her baby Jackie for the bit.

And isn't it worth it for the bit? It's a forever bit. She didn't get born on your birthday. That's the whole thing. Two slights. She's not baby Jackie and she didn't get born on your birthday. But wouldn't it be fun to be like, yeah, I share, I almost share a birthday with my aunt Jackie. And that's who I'm named after.

But I came one day before. Yeah. Yeah. That is true. That is true. I will say the baby is very cute. She is adorable. I want to hear about her.

I'm jealous that I can't go, you know, hold her for 10 seconds and then be like, okay, I'm done. I'm done. Never mind. I bought her a lizard stuffed animal. Oh my God, I love it. I know it's annoying and unnecessary, but I feel like she needed it. No, that's nice because then when she's like three, she'll be like, I'm playing with this lizard. And then they can be like, guess who gave you this lizard?

Uncle Eddie gave you this lizard. So it's nice to give toys when they're baby. He gave you a lizard because that's what he calls your father. Do you understand? I think that baby Eloan will understand by then. And yes, on August 14th, holding in Lexie. Welcome to the world, Ellowen Pearl McNeely. And I think I want to start calling her EP immediately.

Because I started doing EP phone home. And they touched her little nose. Yeah. And, but no, she's going to be called Winnie. And she is perfect. She is healthy. Of course, I'm going to wait for Holden to say more about his experience that, man, having two people close to you give birth within a week of each other.

You hear a lot of the. You hear a lot of them. The downsides. You're a lot of the real stories that you don't hear when you watch TLC's a baby story. And I just like, I held my pussy. And I was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Even just because my pussy had to hear the stories of what happened to that.

It's tough. It's tough. But they'll be okay. I know. The best, the very best part, well, yeah, they'll be okay. My pussy didn't have anything to do with either of my two children being born, which is great. I can't recommend that. highly enough if it ends up going that way for you.

It worked out fantastically for me. But my favorite, absolute favorite part of the baby's arrival is that if Holden it asked me, I would have told him, oh, you schedule a big thing like a marathon stream on your Twitch channel. That's when baby's coming. Baby will always come at the thing, the least opportune time. And so there is this now magical, absolutely. magical video that they have to save and play at like her graduation and her wedding of lexie

coming and telling holden that uh at her one of her you know weekly or biweekly at that point probably checkups they said okay you are ready you are like going into labor you got to get to the hospital and she tells holden and holden's first response literally is on the stream live he goes okay well i guess i'll finish this game i was so mad at him i was so mad at him i was so mad I couldn't believe it. Everyone was screaming. It's so mad. Get out of here.

Because he's in the middle. And also the thing is that one of the reasons why Holden and I work so well together is both of us when something is scheduled. It's in our brains because, you know, we've got a little bit. I got a little bit of the shine in my brain of, but this is what I'm doing. What do you mean? So the last minute switch of plans is difficult for both of us to recognize. So watching, and I'm going to post a video. And this is going to be.

Have you, like, listening at home, do you have those stories that your parents say about you all the fucking time that you're like, yes, everybody knows the story that Eddie was the biggest baby born in Florida when he was born? My favorite story, though. I tell that story to everyone I know, Eddie. Yeah, I came out wearing a suit and tie doing people's taxes and shit. And Eddie, how big were you again? I apologize to put you on the spot. 14 pounds, 13 and a half pounds. Unbelievable.

Almost 15 pounds. Yeah, big old boy. Freddie was four pounds. Oh my God. That's wild. So I was almost four times as big. That's great. Honestly, I feel like your mom could have like sued the doctors for not getting you out sooner.

I mean, I was doing fine. I was swimming. Yeah, you were doing great. It's like more meat. Throw the meat down the shit. I love it. I love it. I feel like everyone's got the embarrassing stories that their parents just tell about them over and over and over again. And this is going to be an EP's life for the rest of her existence of the fact that there is video evidence of Holden finding out that he's about to have to go to the hospital right then for the labor to begin.

And it's just, oh, my. my God, very embarrassing for EP. I guess I'll finish this game. Verbatim, that is the quote. And then there's another probably, I don't know, two to four minutes of him kind of like vamping about like. Get off. You know.

Get out of here. Everyone is just, everyone else on the stream is just screaming at him like, literally close your computer and go. It was like five fatherless dudes. Yeah. And they were all being so conscientious about it. Well, also especially Skulk,

who was on, if you look up, Skulk the Hulkking, the do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. That, the opening of page seven is created by Skulk the Hulkking, and he was the one that was like, stop talking to us. Get out of here. And she came, and she is healthy,

and they are home, and I went to go drop off, because, you know, Italian woman, we drop, I drop off a bunch of food in different, like, freezable batches. And I got all of her pussy care stuff from over at Target. That's for holding.

And very upsetting. Yeah, that's for holding. He squeezes it all over his face and he's just supple as a day he was born. Oh, man. I will say I already owe her one because she got me out of doing that stream. Yeah, but we could have just yelled on there for many hours while poor very pregnant, Lexi would have just been upset in the other room waiting for everyone to leave. And I guess we couldn't do that, but we can be upset about many other things like the NYC

next Billy Joel song. Why are the celebrities still singing? I don't understand we are a year and a half deep into a pandemic and they are still making, and at least this video. So yes, look up Billy Joel's New York state of mind, NYC. Next music video. At least they're raising money for NYC Next, which is helping rebuild

the art scene of New York. Great. But it is still a bunch of people getting together to sing a song into a camera and I don't give a shit. Yeah. No, first of all, they should have just had Deena Mansell sing the whole fucking song.

Yes. She's the best singer in the world. Why don't it just, why? No, we got to have Stephen Colbert do a verse. What is this? It was so stupid. Do you guys have the problem that I have where whenever I see Adina Manzel, I absolutely compulsively

like can't not do it. I have to say out loud to myself, Adele Dazim, based on John Tumultas. No, my problem is I love her, I mean, of course, rent, but I think, Fierro from Wicked,

because I just remember that's what real love is, is the screaming of someone's name as you're essentially placing a bit of a curse on him. I was just mad. It was such a... I don't think they should have picked the song.

They should have done Empire's state of mind. That's what I was hoping for too. Like, you know, all love to Billy Joel, but it's like not really a rallying. I mean, I guess it is, but it's... It is, as Jackie said, it's already a pretty slow song. And the video is so long. Like, I was like buckled up for, I was like, okay, I might be moved by this. I don't want to be moved by it, but I might be, uh, I was already annoyed, though.

No, I reluctantly cried. I reluctantly cried, but that's not because of them. I cry every time I listen to New York State of Mind, but that's because of a New Yorker that doesn't live in New York anymore. And I think that it's illegal not to at least have like a tear to your eye when you listen to New York State of Mine. Yeah. But, but there are so many good songs about.

New York. And I'm not at all here to say anything negative about Billy Joel or New York State of Mind. I do agree with Eddie, though, that it was not, I don't, I think it was a strange choice because as it happened, it was an incredibly long and slow and low energy video. It's like I looked at my watch and I, or no, I looked at my watch because I was afraid I was going to be late to recording. And then I looked at the timeline only to realize I was only halfway through. And I was like, I cannot keep watching this. This is so boring and it was almost seven minutes long

just one song and then Billy Joel's daughter comes in at the end. Not Billy Joel, just his daughter by the way. And his daughter was doing, it sounds like she is a real singer she can sing but also she was totally doing the like vibrato performative hand thing that I know that Jackie is

a fan of. I went and saw Billy Joel, MSG, his 70th birthday. Me, Julie, my fiance, her whole family, we all went. And then New York state of mine comes up. And she came out and sing it. And I got to say it. I was like, come on.

I want to see Billy Joel sing. When his daughter came out and said it. She came out and seeing it. Really? Henry and I saw Billy Joel at MSG. What he did, which was such a moving moment, Henry and I were hammered. And we were just singing really, really loud. But what he did is he showed.

parts of the boroughs. And then he, like, he shouted out Woodhaven. Like, he was, like, throwing out the different parts of the burrows, which is where Henry and I are from. And we both were like, we just cried and cried and cried. But see, I don't want to see his daughter sing it. Yeah. It's like, she seems to be, like, a fine singer, but.

Sure. It's your birthday. You're Billy Joel. You can do what you want. Also, she looks a lot like Billy Joel. Can we just say that? She does. It's definitely like a rumor Willis situation.

in terms of her looking exactly like Billy Joel. Have you seen him recently? He's as big as a piano, man. Yay! Eddie also writes for Jeff Ross also writes for a lot of roast shows on Comedy Central. I like jokes. Eddie, I like jokes. And I hope that maybe you had some jokes formulated in your brain when you watch.

So I also, I want you guys to know, I sent out some Eddie. centric articles this week because I wanted Ed to feel at home while sitting in for Holden. You know, I throw Holden his lizard content. I throw Holden his Tisway content. But when Eddie's here, I throw out content like hermit crabs are horny for plastic as well as the foo fighters dressing like the Bee Gees and singing, you should be dancing at the Westboro Baptist Church protesters. So, Eddie, which do you allie your values with more? The food fighters singing protestingly at the Westboro Baptist Church, or it's like a

choose-year-on-adventure own adventure, or hermit crabs, wanting to fuck the plastic. Well, I got to say, someone's got to fuck this. Yeah, somebody's got to fuck this plastic. It's there, so somebody should fuck it. So much of it. But with the Dave Grohl thing and the food fighters yeah it was a good troll and your hearts in the right place but like what is it do don't give these fuckers any press any attention yeah you know there's there's such losers right only 70 of them that's it yeah there's only 70 of them like it's not like a big thing like we they would

go away if we let them go away i think you're right yeah even even even even it felt even dated to read about them i was like they're still around like and obviously like hateful people are of course still around, but it did feel kind of like, you know, you guys, right, aren't actually, don't have a lot of institutional power. You're just like trolls. Yeah. And it was nice that Dave Grohl did that. It was definitely cool to see just like a moving caravan, slowly driving past the protest. But he should be doing that for cool people. Yeah. Why don't they get the show? I guess that was immediately what I thought of. I was like, but that is such a cool moment. Like I remember Eddie, when we were,

we went to go see Lizzo and then after the show, we thought that we saw Lizzo walk like, like covered and run past us and we did see. And like, that kind of thing of like, if she just started talking to people, like that, that kind of moment of like, I'm a huge fucking fan. I love everything you do. I love everything you stand for. They don't deserve a free show from the fucking foo fires on the side of the road. No, certainly not.

And they're all frauds, by the way, too. They don't really believe in the shit they're doing. And they just know if they're horrible, they get lots of donations. And so, like, the Phelps family, they all backed out. They're all gone. I mean, the dude, I mean, they're done. It's, they've been done. And I, you know what?

And the reason I have this opinion, oddly enough, is I'm going to be a hypocrite right now. I have worked with the Westboro Baptist Church. We put them on an episode of the burn and we roasted them. And afterwards, like, yeah, it was good. Yeah, we stuck it to them. We told them they were idiots. But we just gave them more press. Yeah.

And I felt so dirty about it. And I felt, and I hated it. And I was just like, why did we do that? You know, and like, it was awful. And like, it was just, the bit was fine. Yeah. It was good. But like, at the same time, we just told, you know, millions of more people that they exist.

About them. Yes. You know, they will go away. They're just going to go back under their bridge. We need to, you know, the less press they get, the less money they'll get. And they will just disappear. Because they're, they're frauds. Yeah.

And I hope, like, that they make, like, a fucking. hermit crab and go start banging some plastic so they don't make more of themselves. Yeah, they're already banging trash. Yeah, they are. Trash banging trash. But the hermit crabs are, I love, I think I love the pro arguments for talking about the hermit crabs getting horny by plastic as much as the angry articles that are written about how like, how dare you write that hermit crabs are getting horny for plastic.

When it's killing the hermit crabs. I know that it is. Yes. But you can't deny the fact that how many article headlines that I saw about how horny hermit crabs are for plastic, talk about a way to get the information out. And now I'm paying attention. Now I'm aware of the fact that when plastic is put into the ocean, it puts off this hormone that tells to the crabs, hey, you should be sexually excited.

So the hermit crabs go out searching for it, searching for it because they think it's a lay. And they think that the oceans are going to run white with cum, but they don't understand that, no, it's the streets that run white with gum, hermit crabs. Stay in your own local town and fuck your own local hermit crab. Don't go out searching for them because once they find them, since they're sexually excited by the olamide,

which is an additive release by plastics found under the sea, and they realize it's not a hermit crab, then they just end up dying. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, I've killed many hermit crabs in my childhood. You know, we used to always buy them at the boardwalk. You know, you get them, you get it like them, a couple extra shells and a sponge. And, you know, you always forget the water. You know, and so as a kid, we'd go through like four hermit crabs a summer. Yeah, they got a rough existence as like they're either at your first pet that you accidentally kill or they're just out there having plastic $6 in motion. Plastic $6.000. We need them horny.

We got to crank out more hornet crabs, you know, for the boardwalks. The boardwalks need to raise money for more rides. Yes. I mean, this is just... But it's also raising awareness, and I do think that is good, of remembering the amount of plastic that goes a day. I mean, you know, it's why I love a Jason Mamoa platform. He's big into he's anti-plastic. He is, like, he even, like, openly will call out someone in, like, social media posts.

Remember when he did that, I think, to Chris Pratt? when Chris Pratt was drinking out of a plastic waterball and he's like, yo man, single-use plastics? What the fuck? And he's like, no, I'm sorry. It's just, and because only Jason Mamoa could call out someone for a single-use plastic and you fucking listen. Well, he's Aquaman.

If anyone knows, it's Aquaman. Gotta fight for the ocean if you're Aquaman. And he's Hawaiian, right, Jason Mamo? Yeah, I believe. And let me look this up. I think that he's Samoan. It's definitely getting laid. Come on.

Yeah. Eddie. I'm happy he's doing it. You've got to stick to your thing. Yeah. I mean, I feel like Jason Mamoa, in general,

I'm not, I don't think like shaming people for their individual consumption is like the path out of the climate apocalypse that awakets us. But I do think that if we are going to do individual shaming, Jason Mamoa should be the face of it because there's no way it won't be affected.

Especially people like Chris Pratt. Yeah. Like especially like on that kind of, basis of like you influence a lot of people and you should think before you post. Yes. And I do kind of like that at the same time, you know, we know that Jason Momoa has his downfalls as well. Yeah. But I love him. Yeah. I mean, he's definitely out of water bottle on set. You know, no, you know, give me. You know, but his father is native Hawaiian, which is why, you know, it is something that is very, it is very deep in his nature. And he's also like creating a bunch

of box, like the box water and things like that. Like he's invested in a lot of companies that are trying to do away with single-use plastic. And I think that that's really awesome. But you know what, man, get those hermocrabs out there. So I told Eddie about this. We were out to dinner. And then I started talking about how we used to keep snails when we were kids.

Oh. Because there was no wildlife in Queens, New York. So we would take a mayonnaise jar. And my mom would poke holes in it. We'd put dirt in it and we'd feed them lettuce and things like that. Because I remember looking it up at the library. And we kept snails in a mayo jar. And Gisever was just like, that's the saddest, most pathetic thing I've ever heard.

I was like, but it was for us, it was wildlife. Sometimes they were slugs. Maybe. Did you catch the snails? You got the snails yourself or you got them at the shady pet store on the corner? I caught the snails. Caught the snails ourselves. Where in New York were you catching snails?

There ain't gardens. You! Well, the thing is that I think I've, told the story on here before, but they were, my mom would always constantly try to put planters in front of our stoop. And then they would inevitably, you would see the pull of the line of dirt when people would steal them from in front of our stoop and put them into a car. And I'll never forget the Mother's Day when my mom and I like, she taught me all about the planting and we planted all these planters. And it's just what determination. The next day they were stolen.

Wow. And so we would keep trying to put out little planters. and they would just be stolen constantly. But when we would keep them for a little bit, sometimes snails would come. That's cool. It's weird. They kind of materialize out of nowhere snails. They're just there all the sudden.

Yeah, maybe they're horny for mayo bottles. I mean, I get it. I've been there before. Yeah, just like their owner. Oh, my God, like mother, like daughter. I also leave a snail trail wherever I go. Not anymore. I'm all cuffed up.

Man, we get out of here. We're really, we're really, we're really, dressing back to our joke level of about 12 years ago. I didn't do it. I didn't say nothing. It really is the second up around Eddie. It makes you fall into because we do classy night in together over on the LP and Twitch show. And I do fall immediately back into the way I used to joke, which is nice.

It still lives in there. It's good. You got to have it. Yeah. I mean, I think it's what brought us all together. It is. And I know that it's not what brought. Lizzo and Cardi B together, but I am very happy for their coming together to create rumors.

If you have not watched the music video for rumors, it is the team up of Lizzo and Cardi B. It dropped last week. I screamed about last week because I was excited because I felt like it was a birthday present. And Holden begged for Lizzo to bring the party back to this summer. And I feel like she definitely did. And then did you guys watch the video of Lizzo Crying? on Instagram live because of how much fat shaming

she got in the fucking music video and it sucks because of someone that follows Lizzo closely it's hard as another confident thick woman to watch another one we're just like yeah we're championing it yeah we're doing it for us

and it just fucking sucks because so many people on the internet have nothing better to do than to troll and you think like oh but she gets all this positive reinforcement and she knows that she is doing such amazing work and that she works really hard on her body and she's working out, she is dancing for hours,

singing for hours, that is a stamina that most people don't have. And to watch her just live cry because of what horrible people have to say, I'm sad that it happened, but I'm happy that she is showing this side of being a celebrity and dealing with, fat shaming. Right. It's not just as easy as being like, I know I'm hot and awesome and so I'm fine. Like, which is like, you know, her is like a face of like confidence and like loving herself is great.

But also that it's not even if you love yourself, it's not that easy when people and like society are relentless pieces of shit about you just for the way you look. Can I play devil's advocate for two seconds? I'm going to put myself out here for a second. The song itself, it's all about the haters. Yes. It's all about like leaving. I mean, of course they're going to come after you. You know, like it's going to happen. You know, when you put out a song like that.

And to me, the summer song shouldn't be about the fucking haters. And like you overcome, fuck all those people. Yeah. They don't matter. They got nothing to do with her success. You're right. And she's one of the most successful, she's the most exciting musician out there to me right now. Yeah.

She also has a huge Amazon deal that she's sold. Like she's like, and now like not only just becoming a music maker, but we all knew that she was producing a lot of her own music, but now she's going to start producing television content as well. Yeah. She's so multifaceted. But you know what, Ed, I didn't think about it like that. And you're completely right.

She's going to be a mogul. She will. And, you know, I love Lizzo. Like, I truly love her. We went and saw her. I think she's amazing. I was hip to her before, like, it went crazy and I gotta say like she shouldn't have put that video out.

Yeah. She like she just like the Westboro Baptist thing. She empowered them. They wanted to make her sad and she showed them that they did. And so they feel like they succeeded and now they're gonna come even harder. You mean the Instagram video? Yeah. I think that the, the trolls are gonna be.

And the trolls, I mean, it's like it's 10 people with 20 screen names. You know? And it's, you gotta remember the moment you say anything, they said that's all they're looking for. Yeah. And so you got to, you gotta just shut them out and they will disappear because it's all for stupid attention. It's bragging rights.

It's like, oh, I got blocked by Lizzo. Like, it's a good thing. And, you know, I hate it. But a counterpoint to that, I agree with you about that, like, the song. I loved the song. I loved the video. I love the collaboration between the two of them. I do think there are, like, limits to a song about haters.

Like, it just reminds me of, like, ska because so many ska songs are about haters. But no, but like I liked the song a lot. But I feel like, but I hear what you're saying, Eddie. But I also think a counterpoint to that to your argument is like Lil Ma's X, right, who also gets a lot of haters and has basically like, I think, built himself up even more by like slam. Like, you know, dunking on them, right? Yes, and he goes right back at them from it.

And so I feel like it's, I, like, I definitely think it's cool for Lizzo to be like, you don't have to be strong all the time. Like, this stuff can, like, hurt you. And I think that's really valuable. But it is, it was, I found it charring to watch the song be like, I don't care about you haters. And then the video's like, I do care about the haters. But of course, because she's a human being. Yeah.

But, right. So I feel like, and right, like, Lil Ma's X is also, like, he's, like, he's, very, very, very good at taking down people who attack him. But I also think, right, I wanted to ask you guys, like, what's been like the, I don't know, the response, like, not amongst, like, Randos on Twitter, but like the actual response to rumors, because I feel like it's, it's one thing if it's just, like, shitty people on the internet. But if there is, like, I feel like with Lil Nas X, to me, his responding to haters feels particularly justified because it's coming from, like, more on, like, an institutional level of like, oh, this is too much. you're like being too black and too gay, you know? Like, and so I feel like if it's coming from people with power, then like it's even more important to have a like fuck the haters response. If it's like random people on Twitter, then it's different. But it seems like with Lizzo, it's kind of a combo of both, right?

Because, I mean, I don't know what the, what I'm curious to hear like what the like response to rumors has been because on the one hand, Lizzo is super beloved. On the other hand, fat shaming is so. and fat phobia is so, like, ever present that it's like, it's everywhere. And it's like, well, the more body positivity grows, the more, of course, the opposite is going to grow. We know that that's how it goes. But honestly, MJ, even as you were saying that, you look up just Lizzo Cardi B rumors and everything is about that Instagram live video.

Immediately, I'm like, oh, it was all a publicity thing. I think that it actually could, I mean, I'm not saying, that people aren't being horrible. And I'm not saying that Lizzo's not upset about it. But I do wonder if she was encouraged to show how she reacts to these things to push the song forward even more. I mean, it's killing it. It's got 14 million views last time. Oh, yeah.

That's two million views a real good. And it's a great son. Yeah. I mean, it's doing wonderful. I love it. I mean, just keep pumping the shit out, you know? And like, let's get some more dance party. I mean, anyone going after you?

on the internet. First of all, her life is so much better than any one of those people. Oh, yeah. If you were just like, wake up in the morning and you're like, we're fat, you're a bitch of shit. I mean, you're a horrible person. You've got something going on. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you.

Yes. And so, you know, that's the way I, because, I mean, I fat my whole life. And that was like one of the things I learned early on because I always have a good personality about it. I always try to stay level headed. And it's like, if anyone ever, like, calls me fat in the street, I know that. that person is going to go home and have a horrible night. You know, and like, and I'm going to be perfectly fine.

You know, I'm going to go home to my wonderful fiancee and my great dog and I'm going to do whatever the hell I want. Nothing's going to change about my life. And I think that's one of the most important things you could do to haters. Yeah. It's just fucking, just like, let them be horrible and then let everyone see how horrible they are. And then it'll go away. And she's killing it. I mean, she's just not going to.

stop and it's going to be great. And I love, I love Lizzo. And in a very different kind of vulnerable instance, there's the Brendan Fraser TikTok video that I don't know about y'all. So, I mean, of course, I am an Encino Man number one. I've always been obsessed with the movie Encino Man. And we just recently rewatch Blast from the past, which is also really fucking great. And you forget how much Brendan Fraser had to do with also, I mean, you know, the mummy.

There's so many. George of the Jungle. From our George of the Jungle from our childhood that were really big things that affected us. And now that Brendan Fraser is coming back, he did this TikTok video with someone that does a cosplay of the Rachel Vise character in The Mummy. and she was interviewing him and just to him her telling Brendan Fraser about

how much the internet backs him and how much he is supported because of course we all know like a Keanu Reeves Brendan Fraser for the internet like he has been a champion for everyone that we're like but what about Brendan Fraser

he was like open about you know the system not protecting him a long time ago and then he kind of got pushed to the wayside what about him And now that he's having this resurgence, she was talking to him about it and he started to tear up and he said, oh, shucks, ma'am. And then I burst into tears and I didn't know I can love Brendan Fraser anymore. I love Brendan Fraser.

I'm so happy. Also, with honors. I love with others. Oh my God. Don't even get me started with honors. Can you remind me of why the internet loves it? Like, I don't remember what happened to Brendan Frazier other than like that he was like big and then he went away. but like what is it that makes everyone feel so moved by him?

He was sexually assaulted by the Golden Globes guy. And then when he spoke out about it, he kind of went away. And he also was very hurt because he used to do a lot of his old stunts. So his back was all fucked up and he got all fat. And so he stopped getting cast as the hunk. And so it kind of like screwed him over. But now, I mean, everyone's like, oh, they're actually, now he's finally getting cast off his acting ability, which is a lot of fun.

and see him come back strong. And he's a little chunky and I love it. He's so cute. I'm all for it. He is. I don't, it's funny because I feel like he is the, I know obviously he did it all for me.

You know when you look at a celebrity and you're like, man, I thought you were really fucking hot when I was 12. And at the age of 34, I think you're even more attractive now than you were when I was 12. And when you look at someone that is like growing into like dad, dad, bod, growing into like, just grown into themselves and accepting themselves even more as we get older

and you watch them, like, good Lord, now I want you for 20 other reasons that I wanted you before. He's got those kind eyes. You can just tell. You could just tell he's a sweetheart, you know. Oh, another good movie. I want to plug the Quiet American. It wasn't very popular.

It's him and Michael Kane, Vietnam. Michael Khan. Michael Kahn. Yeah, Michael Kaine got not. for it, but Brendan Flazier is no sign. No, he never is. And I love, I'm so excited. I guess I got to start watching, I don't know.

What is it? He's in some DC show. Legion, is it Legion? Legion, Legion air? Doom Patrol. Doom Patrol. Doom Patrol. I know that I, I got to jump on it because my roommate that got me to start watching

Harley Quinn on HBO Max is a big fan of Doom Patrol as well. So I guess I'll jump into it, which also, if you guys have not, started watching Harley Quinn on HBO Max, can't recommend it. Is it a cartoon? It's a cartoon, but essentially, I guess it's following, oh, I'm sorry, Jeff. It's following some comic book story of like where Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn were like working together.

So it's actually a lot like the same kind of energy from the Suicide Squad movie, but it's all about essentially getting into Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn and their mental illnesses and like them as roommates and her dealing with like, why do I love Joka? Why do I not like myself and understand that he abuses me? And like all of that kind of shit. So it's I, but also like the big shark and it's still, it's a lot of fun, amazing character actors doing the voices for it. Um, really can't recommend it. And while I'm recommending things, because I don't have talking TV and I need you both and I need everyone out there to go watch psycho go Oh, yeah.

Psycho Gorman. Have you seen this movie? I bought it. I bought it. I've watched it like three times. It's truly unbelievable. Tell me. Tell me.

MJ, I can't believe how much I loved this movie. I watched the trailer for it and I was like, hell yeah, pop it on because it's like, it's a funny, dark kids movie where it is a little girl and her older brother and she happens to find this gem where she can control essentially the embodiment of evil. But she completely controls him. The most powerful being in the universe. Yeah, but it's almost like Harry and the Henderson's

with E.T. but brutally violent. Yes, it is brutally violent. And it's a good independent film. I love the guys. It was very funny. The cop. How funny is the cop?

And that is all based on, so it's this guy, Stephen Kostanski, who wrote and directed it. And that cop is like based on another, Like I think it's called Biocop Another movie that he wrote And MJ he just like It is the epitome of this indie Sci-fi fun shit

That every character is so unique And he made so much of it with trash That he just kind of found around It's like it is like the upper echelon Of what trauma is Well the creature work is unbelievable too Cool all the makeup is It's so good

Everything all the council scene with all the different monsters? I immediately hit up Henry and Henry's like, yeah, we screamed about it on side stories for a couple of weeks. It was like, where the fuck am I? Where did anyone tell me to watch this movie? So it's on Shudder right now.

Again, Psycho Gorman, because that is the name that the little girl gives him and calls him PG for short is a Canadian science fantasy horror comedy. Damn. So good. And I think that you and Gideon would really enjoy watching it.

Well, I feel like I'm earning a lot of nerd nerd boy credits because we're currently watching Avatar that's Airbender so now

Oh, he does, what does he do? Talk about catching up with something from, you know, 2008,

but also we're watching that other Marvel, the new Marvel one, What If? Fun! I loved it. And yeah,

and I watched, I've watched all the, like, I haven't watched Harley Quinn, but I've watched, like, you know,

we watched the Loki and the Wanda Vision. I feel like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm learning to speak a little bit of the nerd language. Uh-oh. It's good for you. Nerd alert. Now, have you all been doing that White Lotus?

Yeah. Haven't done White Lotus yet. It's good. It's good. You'll love it. You'll get all sad and shit. Oh, I love to get sad. It's like, you're like that.

You're like that. You're going to love it. You're going to absolutely love it. And I'm excited for you. I know it is funny because we were saying this right before we started recording. MJ is always. behind us because of like the kids in your life and grad school and like blah-la-la other things but I like giving you the like Cliffs notes of like put this in the front of the line yeah and you just tackled

the circle and I'm very proud of you circle season two right that's it's it's I like to be watching things when other people are watching them because then other people want to talk about them instead I'm over here just like anyone want to talk about Avatar the Last Airbender and that's a bad example because usually people do always want to talk about that makes a big impact on people. And like anyone want to talk about Circle Season 2? But probably people have already moved on in their... We only have enough brain space to keep so many reality show characters in,

like in Circle Season 2. When a character from Too Hot to Handle Season 1 arrived, my brain was like, I don't have the space to remember who that is. You know, so you have to like delete a file to make room for that, you know, for the new file in your brain. So it's hard. I feel... But I have noticed that everyone is talking about White Lotus.

And so I'm going to probably budge that to the front of the line. I just finished it. It's only six episodes. You can do it. Each episode's a day. It's delightful and then terrified. And what platform is it on? Because I also everyone's talking about Ted Lassow and I can't get it because it's on Apple TV.

HBO, I got the first season. They actually, they mailed it to me for SAG. Oh, that's nice. I'll set you. Well, you're not supposed to any. I would do it anyway. I want to say it too. And you're not supposed to.

Ted Lassow is the best television show I've watched in a very long time. Yeah. It's very, very, uh, inspired. Uh-huh. Yeah. But before we illegally send you DVDs, we have a celebrity conspiracy. No. Yeah. Do you believe it?

Uh-oh. It is me. I do the celebrity conspiracy today, and I feel like Holden was scared of this one, but I'm not. is Anne Hathaway married to William Shakespeare. Okay. All right. Hear me out. I sent you guys.

So this came in from Jennifer. Jennifer, thank you so much. And I saw that it had been opened by Holden, but I think that he was scared about how real it is. He's afraid of the truth. He's afraid of the truth. And I understand how you could be. But now, as someone that I remember,

was like, yeah, but that's because like one of Shakespeare's wives' names was Anne Hathaway. Okay. However, so back in the day, yes, William Shakespeare, the William Shakespeare.

Billy Shakespeare. Who supposedly, quote, unquote, died in 1616. Quote, unquote. Quote, unquote, but where is his soul? And does the soul affect how we look? So the actual William Shakespeare,

was married to a woman named Anne Hathaway, and Anne Hathaway is now the celebrity married to a man named Adam Shulman. Now, if you look at a picture and just look up, Anne Hathaway, William Shakespeare, and if in conspiracy, he does look a lot like William Shakespeare. And do you believe that maybe, so they were wed in 1582. Is he a plagiarist? Because if he's a plagiarist, then he probably is. Then he definitely is. I don't know. So would also think about this, a little bit of a milf action.

William Shakespeare was 18 when he married Anne Hathaway, who was 26, and pregnant with their first child. Can't have that child be a bastard. So he put a ring on it. So according to this, they were wed in 1582, and what if they came back? for each other. Like the idea that Shakespeare struck a deal with his wife, that she would be the more famous partner in their next life together. The theory further stands, as noted by fans online,

because modern-day Hathaway doesn't seem to age at all. Now I wonder what reincarnated Paul Rudd person is. We're talking about Anne Hathaway right now if you look at pictures of her in the Princess Diaries and her currently, even after having children, she looks like she's no older. Could it be a soul spiracy? Who knows?

But I do really like the line that a Twitter user came up with that said, where Anne Hathaway and Hathaway. Thank you, Jen, so much for the celebrity conspiracy theory. I really appreciate it.

And so what do you guys think? I love the idea that reincarnation exists. You know, that helps me sleep at night. Me too. Right? Yeah. Knowing that it's not the nothing. So I'd love to believe this. But, you know, I just, does she look like the other Anne Hathaway?

That's a good question. That's the real Anne Hathaway. I mean, it was probably played by a man. That's how they used to do it back. Yeah, so you really can't. You cannot trust that. I love the idea that William Shakespeare's wife in real life was also played by a man. You know what?

I could kind of see it. Well, it depends. I don't know. It depends on which oil painting you want to base off. Some of them kind of look like her. What do I Google to get a picture of Anna Hathaway that's not Ann Hathaway, but that is Anne Hathaway the original. Oh, okay, I got it.

Yeah, because if I just Google Anne Hathaway old, I'm an asshole. An Hathaway, not that, Anne Hathaway. You know, she does not, yeah, I could see it. I could see it. I could see it. It does depend on which oil painting you look at Jackie. So, what do you think? Is it a yay or a nay?

It's a yay from me. Wow. Also, like Eddie, I am comforted, deeply comforted, by the idea of reincarnation. And I love this idea, two souls. What, you know, who more, if anybody's going to hack, like, making love last forever in a beautiful way, it would be William Shakespeare.

So I think that it's real. Oh, now would you guys make this kind of a pact with your partners? Yeah, to be reincarnated as two hot, rich people. That you're together forever. But then you have to give up something to them for their next life to appease them to stay with you. What could I possibly give Julie? I've been asking for years.

What do I even have? What do I have? I've got nothing. Every day when she wakes up next to me, I'm pleasantly surprised. What a Shakespeare thing to say. Yeah. That's just what Shakespeare wrote.

I feel like I'd get it. I think I would take Jeff's hair, we could switch out hairs. I think that he would look great in the next life with just like a big mane of wavy, dark hair. Yeah. Yeah. So you're welcome, Jeff. In the future. In the future.

Well, you know what that means. It's time for the list. Oh, my God, MJ! Who's on the list? Yeah. MJ! Gotta have that list. This is my first time ever not singing the song.

How do you feel about it? I feel like you've grown up? I miss singing. Next time I'll probably sing along with you guys. But I usually do. You got it. I usually do. Yeah, we're double teaming now.

Yeah, just so that Jackie doesn't have to do the four to five segments that we do all by herself, I'm listing. Yeah, you listed at us. I got so many fun. facts for you, you're not even ready. Hell yeah. The list, I almost forgot to tell you guys what the list is. It's 26 Wild Weirdo Ways actors prepared for roles.

Cool. Sometimes the headlines of lists are a little overdramatic. Well, you think that's overdramatic. How about the fact that you'd think that the craziest thing Shia LaBuff did for Fury was cutting his own face open. But Labuff also joined the United States National. guard, got a hand tattoo, was baptized, had a tooth pulled, spent days watching horses die, and didn't bathe for four months.

I mean, he was going to do all that anyway. I was about to say, I think that he definitely just sits and watch his horses die just to really curdle his soul a little bit. You know, I like the track as much as the next guy. I don't even think I saw Fury. Me neither. It was fine. It was fine. It's a run-of-the-mill, World War II movie. It's all inside of a tank.

Brad Pitt, John Bernthal, my boy, I'll go see anything with John Bernthal in it. Oh, yeah. All I knew was that Brad Pitt was called War Daddy in it, which almost made me watch. It's worth a watch, but it's not the best movie ever seen. Well, did you know that to prep for her role as Marilyn Monroe in My Week with Marilyn, Michelle Williams, tied her knees together with a belt so she could walk like Marilyn Monroe. She should have swallowed some pills, too.

I imagine she worked on that in other ways. I just love Michelle Williams. Yeah. I would watch Michelle Williams do anything. I love her so much. Was that movie good, my week with Marilyn? Yeah. It was good.

It was a lot better than I thought I was going to be. That is really what that is, that is the answer. It was a lot better than I thought that was going to be. Pleasantly surprised. Yeah. It's an airplane movie. It won't do you wrong on an airplane. I'll get a couple ludes in you.

You'll love it. What also won't do you wrong is the fact that in rabbit hole, Aaron Eckhart is a morning father who lost his son. So to get the feel, Eckert attended a support group and made up a story pretending he had lost a child. It's rough. Yeah, I don't like this one. I don't like this one.

It seems like a lot. You know, it's using, you know, like if an MMA fighter gets into a fight with a normal person, they get in trouble, they get in more trouble because they're a skilled fighter. Yes. Aaron Eckhart is a skilled actor and he went to this support group and he lied his ass off. There should be some kind of crap.

I, you're using your skills for evil. Imagine if you were in that support group and then you see the movie and you're like, fuck you. Oh, fuck you. You know, like wouldn't that be a real, real stunner to realize that that had been what was happening? I'd be furious. I'd go to find them.

Yeah. But I do, I did really like the play rabbit hole is real rough, and I remember that being one of the big plays in college and a lot of people would do scenes from and monologues from. But it is directed by John Cameron Mitchell that, I never saw the movie of Rabbit Hole because I knew how upsetting the play was. And I was like, I don't know if I need that in my life. But as someone that tries to watch Dear Zachary once every other year,

I don't know why I thought I didn't. Why do you do that? I love to be sad. Yeah, you got to, you know, maybe one time she'll watch it and it'll be different. Yeah. We would have, we would have helped those people meet their child. Yeah. How come we didn't do anything.

Oh, no, no, no. That's also how my anxiety works. Maybe this time it'll be better. And then it never is. But that's why I never, I will never watch your Zachary again. I think after I have a kid, I probably could never watch it ever again. You know, I think it's one of those. I'd watch beer, Zachary.

I just just watching him sad. It's the Dear Zachary drinking game, yeah. Your Zachary is a drinking game. The only way I'll ever watch Dear Zachary again is if I'm in the person with you two and we're doing beer Zachary, then I will do it. Because somebody's got to reclaim that movie is the most famous, saddest movie. Every time you think about crying, take a drink. And by the end, you'd be so blacked out, it's going to be great.

Well, speaking of blacked out, in order to portray the anorexic lead in the machinist, Christian Bale went on a diet consisting only of cigarettes and whiskey. Yikes. It looks great. So thin. See, I like them better like that. I think it looks better like that. When you do all that, you just hope that the movie's better.

You know? Yeah, like at least like Rabbit All I heard is a good movie. But I think that was part of the reason why I never saw the machinist's cousin. Well, also that was in my weird, like no time existence of not watching movies. But I think that if you're going to go through that, it should be one of the best. But it is supposed to be pretty good, though, right? That's fine. It's fine.

It's not the best. In a similar vein on the same list, it's just. the eating disorder list for the near-death look of Fantine in Les Miserables. Anne Hathaway ate only two thin squares of dried oatmeal paste a day. Actors, I don't think you should do this. No, no. I don't think you can need to. No, there has to be like some, you know, mystery.

You know, you're an actor. Nobody needs to watch Les Mizz and be like, oh, you're actually starving to death. Like, I'll get it. You'll sing, you'll act, you'll cry. That's fine. You don't need to literally starve. yourself to death for me to be like, oh, Fantine, how sad you're starving. I just don't need that. There really is some of this, like, getting into character stuff that just makes me like,

I was reading about Nicole Kidman has just been so annoying because they were shooting nine perfect strangers, which is another book written by Lillian Moriarty, who wrote Big Little Lies. And she plays like a guru type character. And so she stayed in character. the entire shoot. And I just, I'm sorry, but to play a guru, Nicole Kidman, do you have to be

in character? Oh, that must have read that in my perfect strangers. Oh, did you tell me? How do you think that it would be if that character was real? Insufferable. I mean,

that it's definitely, I love that author. I've read all of her books. But yeah, like the whole point of that, is that she's like a dangerous, like she's like a dangerously, um, like she uses, you know, kind of like woo-woo, um, yoga stuff as a kind of cudgel and also a, like, way to deal with her own issues, you know, to bury her own issues. Um, it's a great, great character.

Nicole Kidman must just be, oh, so difficult to be around. Yeah. In sufferable. She's probably just doing it so she doesn't have to hang out with the crew after work. I know she's in character. Leave her alone. I will. You know what? I'm still going to fucking watch it though. Oh, of course.

You know, Michael Shannon's in it. Melissa McCarthy's in it. Like, of course. I'm going to watch the hell out of it. One of the best actors in the world. Yeah. And Bobby Cat of all. I love Bobby Cat of all.

He's fun. He's fun. Well, I'm going to give you guys one last list because to perfect his role as Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody, Rami Mollick hired a dialect coach, a movement coach, and learned how to sing and play piano. On top of that, he and his movement coach watched footage of Mercury for four hours every day.

See, now that's a fun one. Yeah, but it wasn't his fault that that movie was what it was. Yeah, the movie, all for very little, ultimately. But I thought that he did a good job. He worked so hard. I think he did a good job as Freddie Mercury. Oh, he was great. He did a great job in it. It's just the, you know, it's just a movie.

itself. The whole like Sasha Barron Cohen getting kicked from it, the whole like, I don't know, there was a, I feel like a lot of weird energy around the movie that by, like, no matter what. Well, the directors switched halfway through. And the directors switched halfway through. It was a lot of, I feel like

at that point, I can't imagine making the movie after all of that change and all of that upset. And then no matter how much you can do, can you save it at that point? And he tried his fucking best. But I do I do think it was a little pushed for

Oscar season. I do think it was a little pushed for all the buzz that got because it was supposed to be the movie for Freddie Mercury. Yeah. Yeah, and I thought that he did great, but also my entire experience of that movie was me being like, I'm just really enjoying listening to all this queen, and I don't actually

know whether he's doing a good job or whether this is a good movie. I'm just really, really living for it. I just love it. And thank you so much, MJ, for reading the list. How do you feel? I feel a sense of achievement that I haven't felt in years. My favorite list, but...

See, there we go. And this is coming on the impending birthday of your second child. Yeah, best thing I've done in two years. But now, oh my God. What happened? What happens? Jackie. I think I'm going.

Blind. Blind. You're going blind. And now he's saying, oh, we can't see them. I can't. The lights are out. The lights are out. I see.

I took over looking up blind items this week. And man, there's just so many negative, mean blind items that I was like, how do people, I know that just as sources say, but some are pretty defamey. Uh-oh, Eddie has covered his eyes. I got a blindfold on. You genuinely can't see. but will he be able to see the answer to this blind? As has been the case for decades,

if you arrive at the home of this former A-list singer, not named Brittany, I will also say older than Brittany, prior to the housekeeper arriving, you will have to navigate through the dog, poop, and pee inside the house. She is known for loving her animals and letting them run, ragged through her home. Lady God. I will... Older than Brittany.

Older, yes. Mariah? I would say no, but definitely in the same kind of wheelhouse. What I will say is straight up, you probably know this answer. Paul Abdul. Yeah! Oh!

Good job, Eddie, man. They're upstaging. She seems like a sticky dog woman. You're getting the blinds on my own show. I can't believe it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Paula Abdul. And I also wrote down, she must have brought her

previous co-actor in to piss on the floors because she did the opposite of the cat from opposites a track. And there's just something about something that it just drives me crazy to think of someone with that kind of celebrity that would allow someone to come in

and pick up your animals' feces inside of your home. I think that that is just, it makes me not, I know that like Paul Abdul is a, judge on, you know, some reality shows, and I hear that she is a nightmare to work with in multiple ways.

But this is just one of those things. We're like, man, and I do love Paul Abdu. I think she's an inspirational dancer. I love how, like, she, you know, worked really hard and worked her way on to, like, in living color and all that kind of shit, but... Was she out of living color? I know she was a Laker girl.

She was the head choreographer for the fly girls. Was she? Wow. You know, Rosie Perez was the coffee? costume designer on living color. And they both, I don't think that they liked each other. I mean, I could see that. But as a dancer, you would figure, you know,

she might slip and hurt herself on all this peepy poopoos. All the pee-poo poohs, but I don't think that maybe, hopefully, she's not dancing inside of the living room or if she does, she does it right after the housekeepers leave. Oh, Paula. Now, I've got one more blind item, And I have said I'm new to this, but I was very surprised because this was under the title of Old Hollywood.

And let's see if you could guess it. I got to, I really got to get this before Ed gets it. All right, let's see what you got. This long-deceased dictator is remembered as a paranoid and brutal mass murderer, responsible for millions of deaths. In his mid-30s, about a decade before he came to power, he fathered a child with a 13-year-old girl. She was younger than the legal age of consent in that country,

even at that time. The location was remote, and he pledged to marry the girl, so he escaped criminal charges due to the wishes of the girl's family. The child died shortly after it was born. Two years later, our future leader got the girl pregnant again. He fled the village, abandoned the girl and his child for the rest of his life. The details were only revealed after his death. About four decades later.

Stalin? I mean, it is Joseph Stalin. Why was this posted yesterday? Also, why was this? It's not old Hollywood. It's definitely not old Hollywood. I don't understand why it was posted in the Blind Dinemes. I was so taking it back that I was like,

Why? Yeah. Why? The remote location? Siberia. Yes. It's on fire, by the way. Eddie, how did you know that it was Stalin and not Hitler?

What gave it away for Stalin? Well, Jackie is in love with Stalin. I know that. That's old school, Jackie. Yeah. Now, does this put Stalin further down on your list of dictators? Does tarnish him in your... The thing is that he's just so horrible, you know, but he was going to marry.

And he, no, he's, see, the reason why, if you've ever listened to Roundtable, I used to talk about Stalin a lot, because I had a teacher that was obsessed with Stalin, and we had a whole year just about Stalin. I don't know how the American government runs. And I know about Stalin's life to an intense degree. Sounds like he was Stalin your education. I think he was. Had Larsen, everybody. He sawed me for life. Could have taught me about taxes.

Could it taught me about just almost anything in this history class. And so we went into the life of Stalin and it always drove me mad that the fact that what drove him crazy as an educator is that the American public schools didn't want to teach about Stalin as much because he was on our side. So they don't want to get into the atrocities so everyone focuses on Hitler. and he was big into the fact that like Stalin was even worse than Hitler. It's like he's up there but the American education system didn't spend as much time.

I mean not, I don't think this. Stalin was an equal opportunity murder. He was bad. He was bad. He was bad. Hitler focused on certain people. It's interesting that that was your teacher. That's like a big like I'm so curious about your teacher and how

he came to spend the whole year on Stalin because it is like a big I feel like there's a big anti-communist like anti-leftist sentiment of like well Stalin was very bad and it's like yeah definitely all of it's bad but I also don't think we need an entire year

like I think we should learn about more of me what was that maybe he was a Nazi just trying to say how much words I thought he was either a Nazi or ardent anti-communist Mr. Burton you've got some splade in to do But that's it for my blind items I can see again. And I'm really glad

that Stalin just popped up in the blind items this week. Old Hollywood. That's what I say when I think about Joseph Stalin. I just was so blown away. I was like, what would you mean? Old Hollywood. And again, this is what happens when you leave me in charge of doing things

like the blind items. It's not my fault. Holden left. He had to go be a daddy. And before we get, And thank you guys so much for joining us. Before we get into our shoutouts today, I did just want to, again, pitch it to Eddie. What? Talk to us a little bit more about how America killed my mother,

which is the short that you created with Travis Irvine. Yes. And how can we find it and where can we see? Well, you can check it out at how America Kill my mother.com. But if you want to come see it live with a talk back with me and Travis and a special surprise guest in Deerfield Beach, on Labor Day that's 9, 6 at 7 p.m. I'm playing it at, this means so much to me.

I'm playing it at the movie theater I grew up next to him. Me and my mom used to go to once a week. And so I hit him up. I just called them, like, blind called him because I saw it's an independent theater now. And I was like, I have to play this here. You know, like, so all of my old friends, all my old like friends of the family, family members are going to be there.

So it's going to be very emotional because they all knew my mom personal. Wow. And so it's going to be very emotional viewing of it. And basically the movie, if you don't know anything about it, it's just about how America, not just the government or the insurance companies, but we don't take care of each other the way we should. We don't, we almost, you get rewarded for every victim you make. You know, you get promoted at your job if you convince people to buy things they

don't need and and stuff like that. And my mom was a brittle diabetic and she was very poor. She was making 10, 20 an hour for working 50, 60 hours a week. And we couldn't make ends meet. It was just me and her because my parents got divorced and I'm an only child. And so we couldn't make ends meet. And basically, like, truthfully, if I break it down, if we had like $3,000 more dollars, I bet she'd still be alive, you know?

and like it's not right and I was mad I didn't know what to do so I took her life insurance money and I made this movie with Travis Irvine to kind of shed a light on what happened to my mom because the saddest part about my story is that it's not original and it happens a hundred of times every day all over the country and we just need to make sure that we're taking care of our elderly and obviously right now that's kind of a taboo thing to say because of how people feel about this virus. And it just reminds me again how much people don't fucking care about old people. And so, you know, that's what the movie's about.

It's a love song to my mom. And, you know, if you, and it's also about like, you know, no one tells you what to do when your parent dies. It's not someone, you know, like there's no book on it. Yeah. There's no. And so I kind of explained that. process because I learned it all in real time as it happened and Jackie came down the day it happened

I remember thank you so much for coming to see me that day but like it's it's hard obviously but it's like you know you forget like the first thing you got to do is like plan a party yeah you know because you got to have like a funeral and like it's impossible and it's so hard and you know it's it's you know not that I like you know disrespect my mother but you got to find a way to make light of these situations uh because if you don't laugh you cry and it's okay to cry and it's okay to cry by the way. If you've ever lost somebody, you should cry.

Don't take that from yourself. It's, you know, it's grief. It's not depression. It's, you know, it's natural.

Dogs do it. You know, so like, it's totally fine to do. And, you know, remember, when I do now with my mom, I would like,

anything bad that happened, I don't even remember. Every time I think of something bad that happened with me and her, I try to think of three things. that are good. Yeah. And, you know, because that's what the important thing is.

You're not trying to remember that bad shit. You know, so we come see the movie. It's very heartwarming. And just, you know, I got a lot of cool people in it. My cousin Jeff's in it. Senator Chris Murphy's in it. You know, I got the liberal rednecks, Trey Crowder and Drew Morgan from well-read comedy.

And who's, who's it? Gary Johnson. I got Gary Johnson in it just to make sure we have some comment. Gary Johnson. But yeah, check it out. And also check out the soundtrack on Spotify. We released that recently. And I don't know.

It's been a wild ride, especially getting all the messages I've gotten of people who've went through similar things. And that's been, I mean, so eye-opening that this just happens all the time every day. Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations, Eddie. I'm so glad that you. made it and it really is like both a beautiful tribute and like a really brutal indictment of

this country. Amen. Thank you. And please check it out. How America Killed My Mother.com and share your story with them over on Twitter at How America Kills. Yes, please do. Please do. Now speaking of death, Jackie, you lost someone important to you this week. And I wanted to give him a proper sendoff. Makikaji passed away. Yeah, Makikaji died. He was the man, the

godfather of Sudoku passed away. It's the godfather of Sudoku and I got very upset about it because I still, I do Sudoku at least an hour a day. You really? When I like read that sentence twice in your email and you said that you do Sudoku every day, I was amazed. Your brain is going to be

so, you know, they say that if you do crossword puzzles and shit, your brain stays nice and sharp as a tack. Don't worry. The marijuana it leaves its mark on there. No, I do my dokees at night because I try not to stare at my phone. And if I read that late, I'll just fall asleep. So I do my dokees and I sit and, yeah, I do expert level.

That's smart, man. I got to figure out a way to stop looking at my phone. So maybe I got to start doing the dokes. Doing the doks. Sometimes I do, you know what? Sometimes I do find a words. I am 34 going on 94 and I'm fine with it, but my brain is going to be sharp. I figured as a gift to you for your birthday that just passed, I would give makikaji a proper roast in peace.

Oh, please. Let's hear it. All right. Maki Kaji died at 69, which are also the numbers he needed for the corners of his last Sudoku puzzles. Yeah. Makikaji, yeah. On his gravestone, it's going to say word searches are for pussies. Oh, no, I just said that I do fine to words. We should also, before we get to the shouts, we should have a shout to Jackie for her birthday,

which we've only shouted a little bit, but we should be shouting a lot. Happy birthday, Jackie. Oh, thank you. There was another baby born right before my birthday. Overshadowed it. That kid don't know shit for four years. Sudoku's amazing. It's been helping people not talk to the person sitting next to them on airplanes for decades.

Oh, I didn't realize you have many more. I should. I wrote some jokes. I wrote some jokes. Don't let me stop you. Kaji died of bile duct cancer, which is probably from all the bullshit he had to swallow from the Tick-Tac-toe people. Ah, yeah. Fuck you, Tick-Tac-T-T-O.

Tick-Tac. Oh, no, you did it. It's said that over 100 million people play Sudoku every day. So I guess they're just going to have to switch to solitaire now. You gotta be Sudoku kukuku if you think Maji Kaji won't be messed. See you later. Preston, Pence and Papers. I am Sudoku, Koo.

Thank you, Eddie. That is the best birthday present. Besides the movie theater that you rented out for us all. to watch back to the future in, but this is a close second to that, which I also appreciate both of them. A lot of fun. I also, can I do, oh, we do the shoutouts, that's right.

All right, I forgot about it. Yeah, do you want to share something, though? I have some shoutouts that I wanted to talk about during the Lizzo section, but we moved on and I just wanted to come back to it. Hit us. Because you're talking about, like, fun pop music that's out right now.

Yeah. And there is some really stuff that's got, I don't know if you've been listening to Silk Sonic. Ooh, no. who it's Bruno Mars and Anderson Pock. They made a duo. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Leave the door open and skate.

They're going to have a whole album come out. Those two songs are unbelievable. Have you seen skate? Have you seen the video for skate? Nope, but I'm going to write after this. Yeah, yeah. Big Frida and Tank and the Bangas just put out a song called Betta Busset, which is badass.

I love Tankin the Bangas. I love Big Frida. They're picking out good music. Thundercats always making great happy music. And I wanted to do. shout out some other wonderful women artists because I know Ari Lennox, she's my favorite.

Ooh. Neow, I don't know if that's how you say her name, but it's N-A-O. Okay. Carrie Fox, that's F-A-U-X, Carrie Fox. And Nicole Bus, you gotta go check out all of them.

They're making some really great solo music right now. And Eddie, tell me the Bruno Mars one again? Silk Sonic. They only have two songs, but they're going to be put out in a whole album very soon. And the new video is, Skate.

Skate. It's all about roller skating. Okay. So good. Yeah, no, I'm just, I'm literally put, oh, I want to hang out with them. I just immediately, they're still from the music video. I'm like, I want to be where they are. Well, I can't wait to watch it.

And thank you so much, Eddie, because I'm always on the lookout for new music. I try to stay abreast. And there's a lot coming out because now is the time that things are starting to get rolled out from people that were, that jumped in as early as they could, to start getting albums out as quickly as possible during the Demi. Yeah, no, and I think it's oddly going to be great for music because everyone figured out how to make their own album at home by themselves. And so there's a lot of, I think a lot of cool things are going to happen in the future once everyone's in a better movie. It's going to happen.

We're not going to be just desperately sad forever, right? It's right. It's right. No, not here on this show because it's time for the shoutouts. Oh, shut. Shout it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on.

We'll read them to you. Come on. We are starting out with Mark. Because Mark wrote in actually weirdly enough with something to share with you, Eddie. Wow. Mark wrote in. He said he was insanely perfect timing.

Is he a psychic? I know, right? I guess it truly is a high. hot Mark, summer. Mark says I wanted to thank y'all and the LPN family at large for being such a positive force in my life. A little while ago, I heard Henry and Jackie on a brighter side episode talking about obesity, and it became the catalyst for me making healthier choices in my life. Of course, everyone is beautiful at every size, but losing some weight has absolutely changed my life for the better. Page 7 being such a pillar for body positivity has really

helped me learn to love myself. All the discourse about Chet Hanks and his whatever, helped me coin the new term Hot Mark Summer. I guess I owe Megan the Stallion credit too. This summer your boy is stepping out with a cold one in his hand and shorter shorts on thanks to y'all. Nice. He asked me to

share it with you Eddie so I'm so glad that you happen to be here. I love that. I love that. It's Fat Boy Summer, man. It's Fat Boy Summer. Take your shirts off. Take your shirts off. All these people coming out of quarantine, these skinny fucks, they all got fat. You know, they don't know how to wear it. You know, we've been fat our whole You got to teach it to them. You know, like, yeah, I know how to fucking shape it and shift it.

You know, so it's fat boy summer. You know, don't forget about that. Yeah, now I can take my shirt off too since I got top surgery. Yeah. Take the shirts off. And I really hope that hot ass husband Rob is also taking his shirt off because Tiffany writes in and says, my hot ass husband Rob is turning the big four-oh on August 16th was a couple of days ago. But also, happy birthday, Rob.

If you're able to, will you please send him your congrats on making it this far? He's an awesome dad to our three kids and more than an incredible husband to me. Over the last year, he's helped me through a mental breakdown and a career crisis that I would not have wanted to go through with anyone else. He's a child care provider and is literally caring for others constantly. And a little shout out would be a great surprise for him. He got me into your show and all things LPN and you all feel like family. So happy birthday. to the love of my life, my best friend, and the hottest daddy I know.

Hell yeah. Aw. We got big 40s. Yeah, 40. Yeah. Good for him. Good for him. Yeah, it's a good year for it.

But also, great year for some dirty 30s. Because Amanda wanted to give a shout out to their BFF, Jamie, for his 30th birthday on August 24th. She says, we met in January of 2020 and immediately bonded over our. our love of LPN and our love-hate relationship with Riverdale over this past year and during hour three, yes, three lockdowns here in Scotland. He's become one of my closest friends and I couldn't have made it through it without him. He goes out of his way to be a good friend and never asks for anything in return. He has a beautiful soul and I'm so glad we met.

It would mean the world to me if you could tell him how amazing he is and wish him a big old dirty 30 with me. Yeah, get that 33 lockdown. Three lockdowns. Three lockdowns. That is, you're doing it. You're killing it. And I'm very proud of you guys for keeping on, keeping on.

I'm very scared. I feel like looking down the barrel of whatever's going to happen here in California, but we're not going to think about that right now. Great, uh, great song by Anderson Pack that came out called lockdown. Go check that out. Ooh. Mr. Music.

And Mr. Music, I hope he has Mr. Cocktail recommendations for the 21st birthday of Molly's boyfriend Jonah. She says, Jonah and I are high school sweethearts who are now going to be seniors and undergrad. Rick him, Texas Tech. On his birthday, we'll also be heading back to our college town and moving in together for the first time.

I'm so excited to be able to spend every day with the most intelligent, compassionate, and funniest man I know. I'm so proud of him for all the hard work he's accomplished while chasing his dream career of being a lawyer to those who experience workplace discrimination. Wow. He's truly so passionate about

making the world a better place. And I believe in him even more than he knows. I'm so happy that you guys were with us during your college pandemic time, which I can't even imagine. But also, quote unquote, Jonah has never drank before. Wink. So do you guys have any cocktail recommendations to kick off Jonas' 21st birthday? Well, if he's never drank before, we should probably do something sweet.

Ooh, okay. So I'm thinking like a Mai Tai or Pina colada, you know, let's get him going on some rum. I think is a good, if we're going for your first drink, I'd say rum. But make sure it's not too strong. Counterpoint that the mitis is that can be dangerous because you're like, ooh, yum, you know, but it's true. It is also a classic for a 21-year-old to drink something with a lot of sugar in it. But I would recommend something just with like, last time somebody asked for cocktail wrecks,

I always said mojito. Mint, sugar, lime or lemon, muddle that shit with a spoon and you don't need a, I don't have a cocktail shake or anything fancy, but just put some herbs in a drink and you'll feel like you're the most sophisticated 21-year-old on earth. Yeah. And rub? More rub?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, rum is, you know, you have a rum and coke when you're a teenager and you think that's all that this can do and it can do a lot more. No, Coke, don't mix it with Coke. Mix it with Diet Coke.

It's already sugary enough. So sugar. The sugar is the worst hangover you're going to get. So be careful when you're drinking these sugary drinks. That's why I just told you to drink soda. Sodor drinks. No, that's why you do whiskey soda water with a squeeze of lime in there. And then you take some of the sugar out of it.

Yes. At least. That is my drink of choice is whiskey and soda water. But he's got a drink for years before he likes it. Yeah, whiskey soda water is a total like daddy drink. That's, yeah, 21-year-old-old-cutting. I don't care about nothing no more. I've ran for more places than you'll ever go to.

I've tasted all I need to taste. I don't need any flavor. And I do want to give a quick musical shout out. Money, money, money, must be funny in a rich man's world. And that goes out to you, Kristen. And your badass self-shout, Kristen wrote in, said after losing my job, my apartment and my toxic relationship, I've spent the last three and a half years grinding my ass off and finally landed the amazing job I've been waiting for. Among other things, I will now get the opportunity to move out of my parents' house

after not being able to afford rent and my insulin due to my shitty company's health care. Talk about how America killed my mother, man. Insulin. Insulin should be free. $16,000 a year to be a diabetic. Insane. It's unfair. It's how much it costs.

That's just normal for everyone. My mom was making 32. That shit don't add up. Incredible. You know, it's crazy the money they try to charge us for insulin. It has gotten a little better in recent months. Not enough. But it's not enough.

Yeah. It should be great. And that's why Kristen wrote in, and we are so proud of you here at page seven, because, man, we know how much it costs and we know how much you got to work to get yourself just to be able to afford both that and rent at the same time. And Mazel, you're fucking killing it. We love you, Kristen. And Megan, I want to give you a thank you for the FP compilation, MJ. Megan sent me a compilation of just FP saying, Boar every time he said more in Riverdale.

And also on the day of this episode's release, it is Megan's 22nd birthday. I'm so sad that Holden is on paternity leave because I really wanted him to sing me some Taylor Swift. Did you belong? The area, yeah, the 22. I don't know about you. I got a sweater on me because I do capital.

one commercials. There I. That could be a T's way. And Megan started listening to page seven in July of 2020 to cope with pandemic depression and it took you 12 months. You were all completely caught up.

I can't thank you enough, Megan, for listening to our voices. Your brain must be in a strange place. But now we're talking to you. And now we're in your ears. We're talking directly to you. Happy fucking birthday. And one last, just quick.

shout out to both Chelan and Alex for sending in because last week Eddie I was talking about escalators and how my grandmother made me terrified of escalators about how I was going to get killed on them and Alex had a harrowe She escalated your fear.

Yes. Oh they both escalated to my sense about. About what they wrote in about and I am truly absolutely terrified but I needed it I needed to maintain the fear and that's what we say here at page 7 maintain your fear.

Never let it go. Always be anxious and always be scared. After 12 months of catching up on all on page seven, that's just hopefully you're in a positive space and not of the scarier parts of where we go. I used to be scared of alligators and I grew out of that.

So that's, you know, that's good. You grew up in Florida. I think that's fair, right? It helped. That's what made it easier. Yeah, you got to, yeah, you got to keep away from them. They'll get you.

Well, it's because they eat all the small dogs. The crocodiles, those will get you. The alligators, they don't care. Oh, the alligators, you're fine. Alligators are bees, crocodiles or wasps. Ah. Oh, okay. I forget.

See, this is why you got to have a lot of Floridians in your life. I just say be scared of all of them. I think just be away from absolutely any kind of life. That's because you're a New Yorker. True. It's still in there. Thank you guys. Thank you guys.

And thank you so much, Eddie. Yeah, thank you, Eddie. This was so much fun. Thank you for having me. I enjoy the heck, I'm hanging with you. I haven't had a chance to catch up and hang with you for a while, and it's great to know that you are the exact same, and your jokes are always very reliably, Eddie,

and it makes me feel at home. Yeah, you just got to move the words around a little bit. And please check out the brighter side hosted by, I won Edward Larson. What else you got? You want to plug How America Killed My Mother. Yes. Also, check out the movie at DB Cinemas Monday, September 6th.

That's Labor Day at 7 p.m. You can check that out. Tickets are already available. So go get them. It's assigned seats, so you want to get a good spot. Also, I started this weird thing, and I really want to start showing it off a little more. I've done five episodes.

I started an underground Google Drive radio show. Okay, I know that sounds insane. But it's called the Editudes two-hour radio hour. And if you want to listen to it, you have to DM me your email address and then I will share the files with you on Google Drive. What a great idea.

I love that. And also, you're like, right, your playlists are all brilliant. This is like the per, you're like the best person to have in your life and anyone's life for new music. And now you can have Eddie in your life. That's right. I'll say, I got to send it to you, M.J. Okay, please. Oh, you will love.

Oh, you will love it. It is great and fun to have on because there's also like sketches essentially. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, no, I've been doing sketches and then I've just been like, you know, writing material for everything. It's been so much fun. I get to play fantasy DJ. So listen to me, have my Fod. Adam Wirtz produces it for me so you know it's good.

Also, my Spotify, Ed Larson, go check that out. I got lots of really cool playlist on there. And if you look, I've made them for, I made one for Jackie. I made one for MJ, I made one for Natalie, and I may one for Holden, and I even made one for Lexi. So go check those out. Those are a lot of fun,

and it's like curated music for my friends. They're great. I want them to be listening to. And I think y'all get a kick out of it too. Ed, you are the king of all playlist, and I absolutely love the Eddie Tunes radio show. And thank you again for joining us. And where did they DM you?

On Twitter, Instagram. I'm at Eddie Tunes, underscore on Twitter, Eddie Tunes, E-D-D-I-E-T-U-N-E-S on Instagram or Facebook. You know, so check that. So you can find me in any of those spots. DM me and I'll,

your email address, and I will share it with you. I have five episodes out, about to do a six. And I'll just keep sending you as they come out. Hell yeah. I love it. Rock and roll. And my name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram,

but Jack That Worm. You can also check out my Twitch, which is Twitch.tv. Oh, no, it's Jackie. I will be Twitch and Twitch. on Tuesdays and Thursdays while Holden is thick with child

and I'm MJ and I'm MJ and I am MJ K LKLCat on Instagram so happy for Holden and Lexi so happy that I myself am not thick with child Yeah you're telling me we love you guys and I'll talk to you next week

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