Page 7 - Ep. 422: Now...I Don't Wanna Kink Shame, Alright

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

This week we're gossin' 'bout how EMO Jackie is about Twilight ending on the Page 7 Patreon (But don't fret, there's more soon and check out Jackie's Twitch on Wednesday, October 27th for the watch along of Breaking Dawn Part 2!), the modernization of Y: The Last Man, a Succession sex toy for the lusty, how we're feelin' 'bout the Kourtney x Travis engagement, the hazy meeting between Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, the Horrifying Halloween pairing of candy corn stuffed bratwurst and Grey Poupon wine, how NOT HORNY Batman makes MJ, the Life of Ye and His Horrifying Masks, Ben Kissel betraying Heathcliff and in our 69th (heh) Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Elon Musk's Sorcerer Breeding Program!? Also a truly Monstrous List, and some truly spooky dooky Blind Items!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A roast as dark as the night. Perfect for fueling the crypted research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge! Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Springheel Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, rebring you, Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans.

Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. Nobody bother me about it. Is that Bobby Boris Pickett? Not working in a lab late one night. My eyes. You're not. You're not. You're not scared.

To my surprise. He did that match. Yeah, you did a monster suck more like. Welcome to age seven. I won't fucking want tickets to that ride. Yeah, I just had the monster suck parade. He did the monster suck. He sucked that sucked that?

It was a big son. Fuck. Both of you, I have Twilight to talk about. We are done. We're done with Twilight over on the page 7 Patreon, and it is devastating. I am upset. We had highs. We had lows.

I cried for at least an hour after I finish it, but don't worry. We have decided on the Patreon. What are we reading next? Midnight Sun. All right. We're gutting into Edwards' brain. We're doing it. We're going to read Midnight Sun.

Then I think that we have to read a court of thorns and roses, which don't even get me started. You guys are going to probably hate me once I jump into this book series, and I'm excited about it. And then hopefully Stephanie Meyer isn't dead, right? Apparently she's got like four other books that she wants to write within the world. I don't know if I can continue with four more books. You can do like what I do, which is just become obsessively reading like, the work of every single work by one author.

That's me with Leanne Moriarty, author of Big Little Lies. I've read every... Five Perfect Strangers. And five perfect strangers. And the new... She has a new one. I just started the new one. How is it?

Is it poppy? Is it like, is it popcorn? Is there a dog in it? Is there a horse in it? Ooh, is there a kiss in it? They're all about like... Is there a murder in it? There's got to be murder.

There's a missing person. So I'm very early on. But, you know, all of her stories are like, your mom is... sad and there's somebody who's dead. You know, like that's kind of the genre. Remember husband's secret? Remember when we both read Husband's Secret?

Holden, you didn't even fucking know what the husband's secret is. It's, you think you know, but you don't know. But you don't know. Is that he's fucking boring? Whoa. But you have now basically, you've become this with Stephanie Myers, basically. You know everything. You know her inside and out.

You read, remind us how many Twilight books there are and how long it took you to do this project. So over on the Patreon for page 7, we've been reading as I say we, because our Twilight Book Club is thick and we now have become a community together. And we've been

reading it for about 14 months. It's been a while. It's been an era. It's been a while. Oh yes. And there was, I mean, I was in love with the werewolf for a long time than we find out why we can't be in love with the werewolf. And it's just, it really, we've broken down

the fact that these books definitely glorified toxic relationships for young people for now a couple generations and it's very we got it to some real shit over there. Jackie, I think it's time we start planning our pilgrimage

for you to Salt Lake City. I think there's something drawing you there. Not even Forks. I can't even go to Forks Washington where the book is based it. I have to go to Salt Lake City. Yeah, because it's the Mormonism, I think. It's the big issue. Oh my God, MJ. In reality.

spaces in your fiction spaces now. Everywhere you turn, there's a more, even in 90-day fiancé these days, everywhere you turn, there's a Mormon staring back at you that you're disgusting. The real house wives of Salt Lake City. I'm going to start dressing like Jen Shaw. All right, you're welcome.

If you're going to dress like any of them, you got to dress like Jen Shaw. I need more furry, like high-heeled boots. I need more filler. That's what I keep saying. Wouldn't it be so good for my podcasting if I started talking like this because my face was just after

He's so, we'll feel with, well. I'm, and everyone would love it and be like, I'm proud of you for living your truth. And maybe this is my truth. My favorite thing that Jen Shah does is just, like, say something extremely awful and then, like, make a face like... What? Like, she has a kind of, like, signature, like... It's like a signature, like, head shake. And I just want to channel that energy into my...

The Real Housewives are so nice, and I understand why people like them, because it's just like, what if we all... adopted just massively anti-social behavior. And that was how we oriented ourselves towards life. Like, I am just going to be the worst person I possibly can. And my only job is to hang out. Yes, and being that rich that no one can tell you that you're horrible. I know that we watch it to have our yucks and our japs upon that. However, if you really live that life, you wouldn't know you were that bad.

And maybe that's what we need. You know what? That's why, you know what, unpopular opinion. I want to become them. Is that unpopular? Does everyone want to become them? I don't watch the other real housewives, except for New York when she flipped the table,

and that was great. Yeah, I've watched a little bit of New York, too. Have you really? You ever flip a table? I would love to flip a table. You've wanted to flip a table. On stage, I've done it. Yeah.

Oh, but you've never done it in, like, in real anger, flip a table. No. How does it feel? I've only, in true anger, I've only ripped a tablecloth off of a table so quickly. all of the contents remained exactly where they were. I am a bit of a magician sometimes. And then you still put their finger in,

like your finger in their face and walk out. Fuck you, fucking, then I pull the thing. And that's why, well, that was back when I was Holdonico, the angry magician.

I would only do magic out of anger. I would be so furious with someone. I'd pull a rabbit out of my hat. They'd be like, wow. And they start clapping. I'd be like, don't fucking clap. Yep.

That's not for fucking clapping. I got pissed off right now. It was a rough seven. months when you were like that. And it was quite a time. We were pulling cards out of my asshole. And I was just doing all sorts of weird stuff. It sounds like you're talking about why the last man bringing magic like magic into a dire

situation. I love it. I'm so heartbroken. Why the last man got fucking can. I know. It's going to get picked up by somebody. I don't think there's any way it's not going to get picked up by another. We like it over here.

Why the Last Man household. We're fans. And wow, they did so much cool stuff, MJ, too, to bring it up to date. I know. They created a whole trans character. I did it while I did an episode for Wizard that's coming out soon about it. Oh, cool.

And learned a lot about the work that was done to bring it up to today's standards. And they did some really cool stuff. And the whole, and also largely the, yeah, it's like all female directors for the first season and some interesting stuff like that as well. So I don't know. Yeah, just it seems like a cool project that should keep going.

If you want a great example of like how it looks to, like normalize something. I feel like why the last man is doing a great job. There's like a line where they're like, one of them says like, oh, you haven't found any men. And the president says like, we found plenty of men,

just none with a white chromosome. And it's like such a good way of just being like, you don't have to be like, biological, boom, blah, blah. Right. Like it just like, or like I was used to joke with every episode

of Ellen just became, are you going to the pet store? Yeah, I got to go to the pet store. Well, everybody knows you got to go to the gay pet store. And then they like do the whole thing. You know what I mean? They just like made it all about. about her queerness was so funny.

Oh, you mean when she first came out on the show? When she first came out every episode, be like, oh, you're going to the library? Well, everyone knows Ellen, you've got to go to the, you know, her friend with the high-pitched voice. Everyone got to go to that gay library. And then they, like, go to the gay library. It was just like, guys, this is so, you know.

The 90s were a very desperate time. But like, I feel like people are very, well-meaning people will very eagerly be like, oh, you know, when I say, you know, men do this. But what I mean is like biological men or, And it's just like, I feel like why the last men is just a great example of being like, there's men around.

It's just that they don't have a white chromosome. Like it's just a great way of like. Trans men are men, but this is the thing. Yeah, it's the scientific thing that is its own thing. Yeah, it's really cool. Exactly. Actually, yeah, they did so many cool things with that. So I hope please support that show

because I wanted to come back and it's only going to come back if a bunch of people watch it and like it. So there's my recommendation to you, dear listeners, scum shoes. Ooh, well, at least you don't have to push for Succession to be coming back because Succession is back out

and know although MJ is begging for us to become a Succession podcast it would be remiss not to bring up this article that is all about which I mean how did I not get sucked in by the headline of this article there is a sex toy for succession fans who are hot

for Cousin Greg I'm so I'm so weird to me surprised that it is cousin Greg and I believe So there was someone that was talking to me there was like, oh, a friend of mine actually dated him in real life and that he is very similar to his character,

which that's great. I think that that's wonderful. But you know what? Greg's not the one that I want to be sitting there and juicing for. So the headline refers to the fact that there is a pair-up. There is a sex toy that is called Love Sense. It's a Love Sense brand sex toys that, for all-intensive purposes, one of their big items, is a vibrator that you put inside of you that on an app over Bluetooth, someone else can use it while it is inside of you to

make you... I don't know why I'm trying to be so technical with this. It makes you calm. It makes you a fucking big, fat O watching weird Greg. And then... So is it themed like the person's like apologizing the whole time or like what? I don't understand how it's cousin Greg think. This is... This is...

And this is this quote as well. Here's this quote from, who is it, Parker, whatever, somebody from the company. With the popularity of succession, we thought this was a good opportunity to capitalize on the sex appeal of Nicholas Braun has developed through the first two seasons.

He's America's sweetheart and has captured the hearts of many across social media. Just scroll through Twitter on Sunday night and you'll see people lusting after him. Lusting? I had no idea. What about Roman and Jerry, but we don't need to get down that,

go down that? I guess I'm sorry, spoiler alert. But, Lust for that. So essentially, MJ, what it does is that it is linked up because it's a Bluetooth though so that every time Greg is in the scene and when he's talking, it goes off inside of that. Wow, that's fun. So you just leave it in there and then you just have a time with it.

But if you watch the first episode. Can you imagine watching Succession like mid-Jerk off session? Common? There's common. I know. I mean, I could assume. Not how I like to enjoy my prestige drama. It's just such a good show that I feel like I'd have to go back.

and be like, wait, what's happening? What's going on real quick? Because it's a fast-paced, like very well-written show that I'm not very smart. So sometimes I got to go back and be like, wait, what's happening again? Especially with this first season

because the last season was before pandemic. So I don't fucking remember. I was a different person. That was when I was pre-vampire like Bella. My memories are all faded and I don't know. It's also great because it's like a show that somehow manages to be an extremely sexy feeling, yet I can't think of a single person on it

who I want to bang, except Shiv, I guess. Shavon's butt, her butt in those pants. She makes every pantsuit look, mama me. Shiv is fun. The sex worker lady, I guess, maybe for me. Yeah, she's hot. She's hot. There's so many hoppy, but honestly,

you know what's throwing out there? Brian Cox is even hot in it. Definitely, Brian Cox. They look great. They are billionaires in it. They're always in helicopters. It's just, it's a fun. I love this show.

I understand there are certain people that are like, it is boring. It's not for me. Really? I do, I think it's people that didn't give it enough of a chance. But I understand it. Isn't that fascinating people listening to this who didn't give it a chance?

Shouldn't you feel bad for yourself, dear listeners, who didn't give it enough of chance? Start rubbing off while you watch it and maybe you like it more. Why don't you fucking rub your vagina or a, hey. Your dick. And see if that works while you watch this fucking show. 60-minute show on Sunday nights. I just love it too because Nicholas Braun did not know that this was happening.

And so when he was told during the press release for the product, he just wrote, I think it's a compliment because it's the most cousin Greg thing he could say. Yeah. So funny. He's such a goober on the show. I just love it. I'm like lusting after him. I'm on the wrong Twitter feed, I think.

I don't see anybody lusting after Greg from Succession. I get it. He's a cutie, but that was the point. He's a fantastic character, but yes, I don't. I love his character. I mean, if you're going to make a tomlitt, you got to crack a couple of Gregs. I think that's one of my favorite lines. It's a line in the show.

Do you want to bang Tom, wombsgams, though? That's the real question. No, but honestly, not because of the actor, but because of his character. I'm just like, wah. Where's Chauon? He's like a British, he's like in all these, like. He's a very good actor. Yeah, he's like, he's like an extremely prestigious British actor.

And then he's Tom Wamsgams. It's just, it's everything about it is good. He's also Pride and Prejudice, MJ. Yeah, right, right, right, right. Prejudice. That's the main thing, right? That's why everybody wants to bone Tom. Which is why I'm surprised, although it does make sense because in this case,

no one really wants to. No one's there for Tom, really. except for... I guess. Not Shiv. Yeah, no one. I don't know, but I think a lot of people are there for how do we feel about Courtney Kardashian and Travis Barker getting engaged, huh?

I can't believe they want another kid. I just, every time I see something like that, knowing that they have several, like, lately now I'm so much more sensitive to that, where it's like, we want to have a eighth of a, I'm like, what the fuck? You want, but again, I'm like, oh, right, these people just hand their babies to someone else. They raise a, raise, raise them. All of a sudden, they're five. and then at their, you know what I mean?

They know how to drive a car and then it's just like and they know how to order Netflix. But that's why I don't understand Hilaria Baldwin because you want to have... Please, MJ, can you... La J. Can you please... La Jinta?

Pronounce. Helaria. But, like, no matter how rich you are, well, no matter how rich you are, if you decide to be the person who is having, who is doing the pregnancies, ain't no amount of help that can make that really that much easier, but some people like it.

So I guess she just really likes it. But I'm like, yeah, if you are rich, I think that it is just, it just must be much easier to have children. I think that's the only explanation for why all these rich people keep having them. Yeah. Because, and have like a lot, you know, because obviously a lot of not rich people, like, have a lot of kids too, and it works great for them and they love it.

And I always, before I had one was like, if I ever have kids, I would have like six because why not? It would be fun. Have a big squad. I mean, they're all psychos, but yeah, it works for them. And they're maniacs. They're maniac humans. But yeah, have eight.

But, you know, the Kardashians, it's not like I imagine all those cousins, you know, spend a lot of time together, or at least I hope. I don't know how normal their lives are. Do they seek, do they, like, if you're a, if you're a Kardashian West, is it a thing where you're like, I get to go to my cousin's house? I hope so. That's like a normal kid thing. Yeah.

Yeah, I think so. So maybe, yeah, maybe it's just a lot of fun, and then all the people who they hire, take care of them. Yeah, and then it's fine. So, yeah, I could see it being like, oh, it's fun. It's just fun. Yeah. Having a lot of kids around super fun if you are not, if it all doesn't take care of them.

Yeah, exactly. If almost anyone can take care of them. Now, I also did forget to resend this to you guys, but we talked about it before the episode last week, and we didn't talk about it on the episode, and that is, of course, if we're talking about what, we have to talk about the yin to their yang, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly.

Yeah. Well, they're going to talk about the Yin Yang twins, but go on. And also, yes, shh. Shish song, yeah, the quiet song. Shosh, shush. Yeah, whisper about, eat me out, Jackie. Those songs are so weird. Those songs really hold up weirdly, for sure.

With the Ian Yang Twit? Yeah, sure. You gotta be quiet while you do it. No, I'm talking about the interview between Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, and I think that it produced my favorite meme of all time because I'm sure it came out like right after we did the episode last week. So now it's been talked about to death. And of course, in the interview, it was Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly. You were talking about the first time they met each other and that she saw a cloud of weed smoke. and she walked up to him and said,

you smell like weed. And of course, now, like, now it's like royalty for American pop culture. He, his response was, I am weed. And then he, quote, quote, disappeared.

I was sent to the, and I just, I can't think, I think it was you, MJ, that said it to me originally. Was the sopranos of just him with, oh, don't even get me started on the woman. I'm not even going to talk about her arc,

but I will. say it was one of his, I was going to call him one of his Gaba Goulds. Oh my God, what is it called? Their side pieces. Yeah, what do they, oh, the, the, my brain just stopped working. Slave. No. No. Oh, okay. It's like the one that all the soprano guys have. They're like official. Oh, my God, Gumar. So that's why it does sound like Gaba Goull. And he had sent to him that, you smell like Gaba Gau. Every Italian word for everything sounds like Gaba Goull, Jackie. That's not a crazy reason. I think this is now our third or fourth consecutive Italian episode with Italian themes.

I mean, now I'm done with the Sopranos. I screamed about many Saints of Newark over on talking TV on the Patreon this week. Spoiler alert. I did not like it. Me neither. I wanted to. I wanted to so much. And I have absolutely nothing but good things to say about Michael Gandalfini.

But I did not, it did not make sense. He was barely in it. He was barely in it. It wasn't a movie. Was it the first episode of a series? Maybe? Was it like one and a half episodes of what could have been a mini series? Was it three seasons shoved into two hours?

Maybe. It's too rich a text to make into a movie like that. It didn't make any sense. It did not work. It did it. Yeah, you guys sound like a couple of fucking gabagool. Yeah, we are. We're gobbogooling over here, okay?

We're just like pussy who started working for Dietz and Watson this summer or this Halloween. And he started putting out the gaba ghoul. What? Jackie, Italian-themed Thanksgiving, we'll call it the gobble gul. No. Does that mean we can only have... But what about...

Does that mean we can't have turkey? Of course you have turkey. Gable, gbble, gbble, gbble gbble. Gbble, yeah, yeah. You know what you do? You make a full turkey, and then you make a separate turkey where it is stuffed with prosciute with gobble in the outside of it. With tomato sauce and meatball.

Yeah, shoved in it. Just to the kills of this turkey. Just spaghetti. It's just pasta, it's noodles, tomato sauce, and giant meat sauce. Yes, but inside of the turkey. There's just like, it's the turkey, but you can see the spaghetti

like pouring out of the... Ouseing out of it. I love this for us. Thank you for having a third episode where we talk about my people and my culture. And this is what the show's really about. We have been doing this show

for, I don't know, 11 years. And we're finally getting to the crux of what we've been here for. You got to be gobbagool and mean. I guess I'm not to figure out a new. And we're going to figure it out somehow. I think I need to get some sort of gobble-gool tattoo. I don't know yet. You have time to figure it out.

Do I? Do I, MJ? Thanksgiving is coming. It sounds like you've got to figure it up by Thanksgiving. And it sounds like the tattoo is going to be gobble, gobble, gole, or something like that. And all three of us have to get it. Because I wanted to get a turkey, and I wanted to get a cooked turkey on a plate. And what if it has a little mouth and it's saying gobble, gobble, gull.

Yeah. But then also there should be like a little Halloween ghoul, I think. Yeah, a ghoul. Like a scary ghoul. But a very scary goal that frightens children to view it. Oh, that's fine. I like scaring them away. And I say, look at my body pictures, youngs.

We're already talking about Thanksgiving here. We haven't even covered our Halloween contest. I'm just trying to get ready for gravy gravy. Where's the gravy? I got to be my scepter. This starts early for me. Yeah. This is MJ, this is like you get it going.

We are working on Thanksgiving and, you know, honestly, we started around 4th of July. Got it. You know, that's around when. But also as the hot dog ambassador, I feel like that I need to incorporate hot dogs in some capacity into Thanksgiving this year. And I certainly is not going to have anything to do with I needed to bring it up. And I know technically it is kind of pop culture. But I'm, you know what? I draw the line at it.

They are making candy corn stuffed brought worse, and I think I hate it. Yeah. And I actually think I like it. What? Hear me out. Okay. Explain yourself. If you think about the combination, I can kind of see it A.

B, one of my favorite things to eat in the lunchroom was a combination platter of of potato chips, salted potato chips. Ruffles with ridges. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, it cuts up your mouth, yes. And a little, an Oreo, motherfucking cookies. And eating those as one in unison, the salt and the sweetness. It combines in this beautiful way.

And I love brown sugar on a ham. Like, I understand the coffee. Yeah. Didn't you once do a slow cooker ham with like a whole can of Coke in it? Got's to. Yes, put the Coke in there. You put a little OJ in there. You know, it's like there's a, I'm not against the sweet and the salty.

Love it. But when it says that can't. Candy corn actually melt when they heat up. So it kind of disperses the sweetness throughout. And all I can think of is you bite into that. You feel the snap of the skin. Yeah. And then you just feel this like sugary, sticky meat on the inside that I don't know if I'm into.

Well, they chose, they obviously chose the most controversial candy. I think the question is, do you like candy corn? I'm also, I'm a candy corn boy. And that's what they used to call me back the day. I used to have a little flute and I danced through. I'd have the little hoops, shoes that I'd wear. And they'd, oh, no, the candy corn boy is coming, and I'd go, too, too, and I'd go, too, and I'd throw candy corn in the satchel, and then I'd be

beaten at the end of the night by the local bullies. But Holden would walk into the high school lunchroom with his bag of ruffles and his sleeve of Oreos, and everyone would be like, here's the cum of the candy corn. Here's the candide corn boy. I don't think it meant what you think it means, but I don't think it was any good for you. I don't think it was any good for you in North Carolina. Something else might. Well, I mean, I don't want to be too gross on the show, but I did have a realization

the other day that every morning for school, pretty much every morning, I would have to go to a secret bathroom and have a sort of not a good bowel movement. I mean, going dukes in school is always scary. You know, I think. Always a nightmare. So at the beginning of every single, almost every day of school for a while, I was having to go to this special bathroom that I clocked in the top floor of the arts building far away from where everybody normally was in the morning

and do my thing, right? Also, for lunch every day, my lunch every day, because they just let you choose your own after a while, was too big thing of french fries with zesty powder poured all over them and a bunch of ketchup and then a giant frozen lemonade. Every single day.

They shouldn't let high schoolers drink and make their own. They should not let them cheese. Their brains aren't developed enough. I never put two and two together that I'd have to have run to the bathroom emergency diarrhea every single morning at school

and that maybe the lunch I was having that consisted of that every single day, there was a correlation. I can't, I'm blown away now remembering this and being like, I've never put two and two together between what I'm putting in my body and what is removing itself from my body.

So anyways. Now I certainly wasn't deterred by the four fierce grape gatorades that I drank every day, which I thought I was like, it's better than soda. Better than soda. No, it's not. And then I would eat rolls.

I would get the fresh made rolls. And then I would eat French fries. So I had rolls and French fries and at least three to four ears scrape cateraids every day. I wonder why it was so fat. I wonder what happened. Why did they let us choose our, I mean, I was happy for it. But it was fucking crazy that they let us do that. I think crucially, our moods must have been impacted by these choices.

I used to eat an oatmeal cream pie every fourth period because my fourth period friends teacher sold fucking little Debbie snacks to fundraise for the trip to France and so we would just go ham on like oatmeal cream pies like I would eat like one to two every single day like 10.45 a.m. Surely my mood was impacted.

I love it. Maybe that's why I was an emotional roller coaster. I'm just glad I'm not the only food idiot when we were in high school or whatever because I was I remember my friends being like, seriously, bro, you just eat two giant things of fucking zesty fries every day like a Coca-Cola and a frozen living it. It's so bad for you.

It's so bad. Although I am intrigued by what zesty fries are. They would just had like a powder. It was like a nice like zesty powder. You know what I mean? They would dump all over it. You just dump it. You just shake.

It was in a shaker. You just dump it all over them. And then I just eat a bunch of, yeah. and just drown it in ketchup unless it was pizza day. You know how I feel about ketchup. You know how I feel about ketchup. Would you put it on your candy corn bread?

I put some mustard on that broth. I'd also drink mustard wine. What is happening? It is. So I included a lot of, there's a lot of, like, this week. All right. Obviously.

I always know when it's a weird week in celebrity gossip, Jackie's fucking leaking mustard wine article. Mustard wine. I don't want to talk about Dave Chappelle. So here we are. You're talking about

crazy Lombine. Can you tell you to avoid a topic? Because we're talking about candy corn brats and mustard wine. Rastlebone wine. I would have,

I bet that's a good pairing though, damn it. Of course it is. That's why I put it together. Yeah. I would drink the hell out of it. I'm throwing this out there. 100% yes.

Give it to me now. The weird part was they said it tastes better like lukewarm than it did chill. I don't know. They said all the flavors like combined to when it was chilled and it tasted like all at once bad.

Whereas the, when it was, but that's like a white wine already I don't love, room temp, much less a fucking mustard version of it, blow my fucking braids out in front of everybody I've ever loved. No. Oh my God, I'm having like a phantom memory. Maybe you guys can help me. Oh my God.

Okay, so I'm having a memory of like, it's located in Williamsburg, circa 2008 to 2010, and the memory is of a mustard cocktail. There is a mustard-based cocktail. I want to say there's like a cornish hall in it. I'm sure that there is. I want to say that it's maybe at the bar, Night of Joy, near the BQE.

Oh, God. I don't know how I'm going to solve this mystery. Oh, my God, I remember Night of Joy. But I do remember a friend of ours had mustard ice cream at his wedding. And it was the, I mean, man, when you're slackered, it doesn't really matter. You're just pouring it into your gullet in moment, no matter. or what? I mean, mustard ice cream sounds,

I mean, I love mustard. I am to mustard what Holden is to candy corn, apparently. So I'll eat it in anything. You know, especially. I love a spicy mustard, like the next fucking deranged lunatic. You know what I mean?

It's amazing. I love all mustard. I'm definitely a mustard boy. You're a chup head, though, at the same time, Holden. Don't lie to us. A chup head? Yeah.

You're old chup. That's a ketchup head? Short for ketchup thing. Yeah, I mean, you know, I diversified. as I've gotten older, like any good stockbrook or would of food, that is. But, you know, I mean. But ketchup might be where my heart lies, but mustard's where my future remain.

Did you guys see that just, oh my God, degenerate video that I won Ben Kessel posted. It was not of him. It was of someone else at a ball game. And she had the hot dog and with her yucky fingers. Oh, so gross. Was taking the yellow mustard in the chup and was smearing it all. all up. Like honestly, in a sexual manner, up and around the hot dog. I think that was meat tube sexual assault. I was upset while I watched it. And please go check it out. Because it

sounds fine to me. It doesn't sound offensive at all. Once you watch it. Very gross. Also, you can't see it. Necessary. It's so unnecessary. They're already going to get mixed together on every bite. Like there's no need to with the finger mix it all up on just this narrow ledge. It Makes no sense. It's our new mix. I try to not just climb a ponsed my hot dog ambassador pony all the time because she's tired. She doesn't want to take me up and down the opinion mountain every other second of every other day. However, today I do have a lot of tubed meat things to say.

And I'm not sorry for it. All right. Don't ever apologize. Yeah, I get it. Social media wants you to apologize for that. Jackie. You don't have to. Stand by you. Twilight is done. And I am upset. And you are going to have to hear next week, next Wednesday, by the way, guys, October 27th, we will be watching Twilight Breaking Dawn part two.

Over on my Twitch channel. You are like breaking yawn, am I right? You are going to go to prison, Holden McNeely. I'm wearing a Twilight shirt right now. And apparently, thank God, that the movie is better than the way the book ended because I've got things to say. And if you want to know, go listen to how I yelled at the end of the book. Have you enjoyed a single piece of media in the last like two weeks? I never smiled. Every movie you've seen has been a complete disaster.

I hate smiling. No, I watched Succession last night. It was great. Oh, okay, there you go. Smile all the way through Succession. All the way through Succession. Succession is very stressful to watch. And I don't mean to bring it up again.

But on Halloween, I yelled about Halloween kills on poor talk and TV. And a bunch of our friends are going tonight. And I did openly say, I was like, bring booze. And every time they yell, evil dies tonight, take a shot. And you heard it here first. If you want to have a good time watching Halloween kills, take a shot every time they yell evil dies tonight. Because, well, I don't want you to die. And then maybe you might, your family be like, oh, were they the evil one all along?

And I don't want that to happen. Right. So please do it with caution. Yeah. Is it, does this mean it wasn't as good as you were hoping it would be? I wasn't good. I wasn't good. I wasn't.

I didn't. She hasn't seen a good movie in weeks. Every movie she's picked has been bad. I'm only frowning. I don't mean to. I'm going to watch the Britney Murphy dock tonight. And then we'll see who's grass. And then we'll see who's frowning.

Is that supposed to be good? It's supposed to be very upsetting. Okay. Of course it's going to be very pretty much. I mean, I'm going to watch the scenes from marriage. Oh my God. I don't watch the scenes from marriage. No, I can't do that.

You can't do it. I'm upsetting myself by watching Midnight Mass. But I also, I'm proud of myself because every. Halloween now for the past, I'm going to say, I don't know, three or four years, Gideon and I have tried to chip away at the vast wealth of good horror movies that I haven't seen. And this week, it was the omen. And so I saw the omen for the first time. Did you look at your children differently?

I did not look at my children differently, but I did look at Gregory Peck differently. Wow, right? Bobble, Bobble. I would kiss him. Yeah. And I loved it. We almost watched The Exorcist, but I was like, I've seen The Exorcist. million times.

I want a different demonic child. And I liked it. I, if anything, I think that the child wasn't demonic enough. I feel like in the 70s, they just put children on camera. They didn't tell them how to act. They were just like, just sit there. We're not going to write any dialogue for you. You're just going to kind of be there while everyone else acts around you.

They didn't trust them. I get it. It's fine. Yeah, it's fine. We don't need like a Haley Joel aspect situation. Yeah. Well, did you guys get all horny, horny about Batman this week? Yeah.

Yeah. Did he make you get all sploo splashy? Splish, Splash, Jackie's taking the bad, but she's just sitting right in her pants. Gabagoole. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, you're on the surfboard. It's so horny.

Slippery, slippery. I do not feel horn for Batman. I find it like impossible based on his storyline. I just don't think there's ever been. Oh, do you not believe in orphans, MJ? Are you not sexually attracted to orphans, M.J., because that's on you, okay? I'm glad you brought this up because I did get some DMs from people being like, I don't think M.J would fucking fucking orphan.

M.J. would absolutely fucking orphaned. M.J. would fucking orphan in front of all of us and would make you watch and make me watch. I'll watch it. I'm just saying, here's my data set. I have felt horny for every single Spider-Man actor, how horny for not a one Batman actor unless you count George MOY. Michael Keaton. But it wasn't Michael Keaton, no.

That guy. Well, not well. But yes to George Clooney. Major shade thrown to Michael Gatine as a sexual. I actually think this goes to show completely, MJ, the difference between our, like, sexual likings when it comes to men of like, I love Batman. It is. And you love Spider-Man. And I think that makes so much sense.

That is totally the distillation of like, perhaps you, you listener and your best friend also can break down like, oh, they're a, Spider-Man person and I'm the Batman person. I get it, you know? I think that we both would, you know, ride the Thor train, though. I think that we both have that in common, right? I will ride the Thor train. I'll ride almost any of the other Avengers, to be honest.

Not like Jeremy Renner. Would you be, all right, how about this? Whoa. Not, I said not. I said not Jeremy Renner. Would you be taken into Chris Evans' sex dungeon? Yes. For a night.

100%. Yes. Okay, there you go. Also, what's his name? By the way, there was no thought behind that. That was just a needy. From the Game of Thrones on the Eternals. I watch the Eternals trailer. And, you know, the thing is, is that there's a lot of them that I watch it.

I'm like, oh, wow, I don't know anything about it. I guess I'll watch it. And then usually I watch it and I enjoy them. But the Eternals looks really fucking good. Does it? I have not seen the trailer yet. I just keep seeing everybody tweeting about Kumel being so jacked up. And of course, Kumail is finally, and Kumail's finally just like, I read an interview with him.

And he was just like, you know what? I'm finally like getting really used to being really hot. It's like, good for you. You know what? Sometimes you just got to say it at some point. He has to work very hard to look like that. And I guess so does yee? We have to at least discuss yee for a second.

It's yay. Is it yee? No, I think it's yee. It's not yee. It's not yee. What do you get caught ye? It's a con ye. Oh, is this the Queen Bay, Queen Bee all over again?

I think it's yee. Um, I hate this mask that he was wearing. I have never been so truly horrified by something that someone has worn in an effort to not be recognized. Please look up, Ye's mask that he wore, that he like came out of the flight wearing it. And then he met up with former Trump fixer Michael Cohen for a lunch. We're not even going down that road. But he's wearing this mask that is horrific. It's so scary and it's such a mask that a narcissist would wear to be

Unnoticed, give me. Yeah, to go unnoticed. And the same one that he was noticed wearing a JFK the day before. And then you're going to go out wearing it again and be like, can't believe people noticed me in this horrifying mask that he had on. Man-faced mask, yeah, like weird kind of white guy face mask. It's very Michael Myers. It made me think of that the movie.

movie. Which movie? Yeah, Mike Myers, though, for sure, exactly. Because Mike Myers' mask, of course, if you don't know, is actually from, what's his name, Star Trek, the guy who saw the moon in space last week. It's a mask of... William Shatner.

It's a William Shatner mask that they repurposed and made all creepy. Is it really? I didn't know that. Yeah, totally. 100%. And I believe it's William Shatner. And so, yeah, also...

I was thinking of the movie White Chicks. It reminds me of that same... Yeah. When Wayne's brothers put on that, like, plastic face over that. And they just, when everyone's just like, oh, they're just a couple of girls. I'm like, they're horrifying. I remember seeing it in the movie theater and be like, who would ever think that these are all like, oh, they're just girls? It was so scary.

They had plastic faces. It's great that he was going to meet Michael Cohen. That's just such a great detail in like the extremely bizarre life of Kanye of, yeah. Yeah. Yes, yes, it's yay now. So it is originally, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is for real zee's ye now. And I, I think you're right. Actually, I want to go back on it.

I agree with you. I think it's definitely, he's definitely going as yee. I think you think that because he said, you know, it's the, it's the most used word used in the Bible. Which yes, I think in many purposes of that, because it means, you know, ye means thee or yay and. I know what's yay. I just think it's funny that, can you imagine the look on his face Have you called him yee instead? Mr. Yee?

Um, ye, is it? Okay, I love your horrifying mask, yee. Yee? It actually hurts if you say it, like, it makes me think of like when like, um, uh, you eat something, it's too sour when you say yee? Too hard. It's like, it just hurts my mouth. Oh, yeah.

Um, so he's scary right now, but he's, He's got a new name and I guess good for him and a new haircut and I guess good for him. And everyone's like, did you see his haircut? I'm like, but what about the mask? Yeah, what about the weird man mask? I'm upset about that. That's much more of a splashy incident

than the shaving some hair off your head. He should wear a different mask every time he goes out in public. That would be fun. Like some days it's a Garfield mask. You know, some days it's a Bill Clinton mask. Sorry, not to bring up Kissel again. Have you seen Kisle's Halloween costume yet? Trader.

No. Yeah, I've seen the Traders costume. It is a big Garfield mask. costume and I love it. He's stealing your thing, Jackie. This is from back in the day, this is roundtable business of like he was a Heathcliff person. He was against Garfield. He was against me and Garfield. He was on the real. Flip flopper himself is wearing a Garfield costume. Yeah, it's not fascinating. The man who's been accused of being a flip flopper so many times throughout his political career and his radio career. Now, of course, traditionally

being a Heathcliff guy wearing Garfield as a costume, and I think it's a tribute and not an insult, which makes me sick to my very bones, MJ and Jackie, yeah. And so we will be having words about that. And maybe I will go as Heathcliff this Halloween. I'd love to see it. I want to see the cat fight. I'll poop in my hands and I'll throw it at him. That's good, yeah, just a bunch of fish bones. everybody's upset at the party.

Stop, hold it with the fish bones. She's got more and more fish bones pulling out of your life. MJ, do you know what you were going to be for Halloween? So, Freddie decided she wanted to be a giraffe, and then without consulting with me, I was asking Zelda what she wanted to be. Zelda can't give me a straight answer. She's two. And so we didn't know what she was going to be.

She was like, I was like, dinosaurs. She was like, no, because I had a dinosaur costume. I was like, you want to be Daniel Tiger? Got out, Freddy's Daniel Tiger costume from last year. she said no. And then without consulting me, Gideon. You were like, fuck, that would have been so easy. So easy.

Save the costume. And so then Gideon went and ordered an adult giraffe costume for only himself. And then it told me, but what did I do the same very day was at the playground and talking about how Freddie was going to be a giraffe and a mom at the playground was like, do you want several more giraffe costumes? Because a few years ago, we were a family of giraffes. And so now I got a free. adult giraffe costume and a free

another child giraffe costume. Wow. Family is going to be a family of giraffe. So now we all have our own giraffe costume. Family of giraffe. That is, I don't know if that's ever, like, you, that means something. I feel like, you know, start eating leaves out of the trees,

I think. Maybe that's what it's trying to tell you. Gideon did find out that giraffes do like gay necking with each other, which is kind of fun. I love watching giraffe. Oh my God. Holden, we're being with us when we were the LA Zoo when we first visited LA.

Yeah, but I got sad that day. And they kept the giraffes away from each other because they had to, like, I think one was like, like in, like in mating zone. Yeah. And they had, and they had to keep them away from each other in different pens. No, I think it was because of their political link.

I think that's probably what it was. It was a political thing and they had to keep them separate. Yeah, blah, blah, blah. They had to take their smartphones away. It was really bad. And they were like trying to reach each other with their necks and they could only touch the very tips of their faces.

So they were just making these like, as they're like trying to touch each other's faces. And I cried and I cried and I cried. Yeah. One turn to me, it was just like, kill us both. No, it did it. And I was like, Jesus.

They have like nice little sex hormones in their neck, I think, which is fun. Nice, that's fun. I got some sex hormones in my fucking neck. I also got some fucking celebrity experiences for y'all. Oh. Do you believe? Elon Musk's

Sorcerer Breeding Program. That's right. We talked about Grimes and Elon not too long ago. And this was kind of sexy. I would say sexy enough. This is the 69th Celebrity Conspiracy. The juices are flowing. It's a very fun number.

We all love the number. And get ready, by the way, because once we hit that 420th Celebrity Conspiracy, I want it to be weeded. So get that one prepared now. This one comes in from me. Jacqueline. That's my name.

Here is my long-held and 100% true celebrity conspiracy theory. Elon Musk specifically chose to have a child with Grimes in order to breed the world's most powerful sorcerer. My evidence. One, Elon Musk and Grimes' new baby is Musk's seventh son.

Traditionally, a sorcerer is a seventh son. Being a seventh child is traditionally very magically powerful. So, X-A-E-A-12 is Elon's seventh son. Two, the name given to the press, X-A-E-E-Dash A-12. They call him Ash, Holden. Ash? Yeah, Ash.

Now, you could normally attribute this to celebrities being weird and giving their children weird names. That's fair, but in magic, one of the most powerful things that a being has is their true name. By giving a fake name to the public, they're protecting the sorcerer's true name. What? Grimes has experience with magical communities, has been in a cult, and is a self-proclaimed witch.

Who better to be the mother of your sorcerer than a witch? You're right. A hundred percent right. Number fucking four. Elon and Grimes have broken up. They were together long enough to conceive a baby, established its health and basic powers, and then separated once the business was done.

So now that we've established the child's magical pedigree, we can now go on to think about how powerful the child will become. The child will never struggle for money, will always be fully taken care of. If he wants, he'll never have to work, therefore he can focus on his magic. Oh, and his dad has access to space and his dragon spaceship. In conclusion, magical billionaire baby space sorcerer, sincerely, J.R. P.S.,

howdy from Texas, it's a terrible hell state, and what they're doing to our reproductive and human rights is a mockery of justice and democracy, exclamation point, support Planned Parenthood, y'all. Hell yeah, thank you for saying that. What you need is a sorcerer. To come and take out the Republican Party of Texas. Yeah, just to wipe them out. Yeah, unbelievable. So what do y'all think?

That seems pretty ironclad to me. Yeah, I'm sold. Absolutely. Yeah, something's going on. A hundred percent sold on this. I didn't, you know what, the first second I heard it? I was just like, mm-mm, no way. And Jacqueline, that's my name?

You did it. You have opened mine eye upon this day. and I've said a pawn or a pawns multiple times and I blame yee. Yeah. All right, MJ, you are, where do you fall? It's a yee from me. Yee from me.

Yeah, it's a yee for me, dog. Fantastic. I do think it's just incredibly, very tightly put together. The evidence is strong. Wow. Yeah, it's a great, succinct, impressive argument.

I think it's because of how great our name is, probably that you were able to really shine the light on such a dark depth of Elon Musk's abilities. Look, I would love to see a witch on the moon. Obviously. I would love to see of

you know, a laser on Mars. You're trying to say that Buzz Aldrin wasn't a witch. Yeah, you know why? You know what his real name was? What? Buzz Caldran. That's very good. That might be the best thing you've ever said. That was very good. I'm very impressed with what you said. We're like Twilight new yawn.

What are we talking? You aren't mean and we are watching Twilight next week. I don't want to see any of it. I don't want to see any of it. I don't want to see his weird baby thing or whatever happens in it. I don't want to know about it. Oh, it's going to, oh, it's getting weird over in Twilight, but we'll, I guess we'll see what happens whenever we live inside of

Edwards' minded midnight sun, but first we've got the list. Oh, who's on the list? Jack Lynn, got to have that list. And of course, this is definitely because it's spooky season, as well as I have been screaming about the lore of vampires and the rules of vampires that are followed by in Twilight and the ones that are shit all over.

So this is 11 monster myths that were invented by Hollywood. And one of those, and of course, this also wraps in of watching what we do in the shadows, which is just... So good. The Nandor Depression episode was, It's just. It's so good. Amazing. But apparently, the fact that vampires get burned by sunlight, vampires getting burned in the sun is a classic myth. Right up there with vampires hating garlic and having no reflection in a mirror. But unlike other pillars of vampire mythology, this trope didn't

originate with Bram Stoker's Dracula or earlier folklore. The unauthorized German Dracula adaptation, Nosferatu, was the first piece of media to depict a vampire perishing when exposed to Daylight. In Stoker's novel, sunlight weakens vampires, but that doesn't stop the title villain from walking around during the day. Or you read Twilight and find out they just glitter instead. They're made of diamonds because they're sexy, MJ. I love these two combos, right? Because from what I now know about what we do in the shadows, check out the Wizard of the Roozer episode coming soon. They went with Bram Stoker's Dracula, like rules for. interview with a vampire, that era, 90s vampire rules for what we do in the shadows. However, the main thing that got them to get the show made because they put the movie out and then some time had passed, or they made a short movie and then some time it passed,

and they were able to make the movie. Now it was because of Twilight. Twilight brought vampires back into the major lexicon, and so that's what was able to repopularize the genre, which is why ye made it free. No, thank you. Twilight, and thank you for giving us all, you know, just so much to think about and so much to yell about. But then there's also Frankenstein's Monster, and Frankenstein's Monster is not

originally green. In her novel Frankenstein, Mary Shelley, describes Frankenstein's monster as having yellow skin that scarcely covered the work of muscles and arteries beneath. Green face paint was chosen for the film adaptation because of the technical limitations of the time. Blues and greens appeared as a ghoulish white shade on black and white film, which helped Boris Karloff stand out from the rest of the cast. Eventually, the character was depicted as being green on promotional posters and a new hue for the monster was born. I think that this stuff is fun. I love it. I'm sorry that if I think, I don't know. I just think it's interesting of how it changes and where, like, you forget how much the making of things and like what you're able to do changes the Iowa ideas of

a quote-unquote classic monsters. Yeah, I like that stuff too, especially because to me, this all just originated with the movies. So the idea, I mean, you know, because that's like how it was born in my mind. So learning the backstory is nice. That and also, and I love this, too, the fact that zombies are slow. George A. Romero's Knight of the Living Dead helped popular as the modern zombie myth. That includes the trope of the undead moving only slightly faster than actual corpses. The monsters are so known for their lumbering walk that any movie that depicts fast-moving zombies is instantly notable, like a 20 days later.

What? So good. Just so fucking good. Very good. There is something about just any time you hear like the silent of like, of like a fast zombie, fast zombies are horrifying. Or anytime you hear like,

is that zombie jerking off? Is that Jackie? Oh. Is that somebody fucking masturbating? Right? They don't have the time to holden. They'd rip their penises off. or whatever if they try. Yeah, obviously.

In the same way that zombies eating brains wasn't always the case. One zombie trope Romero can't take credit for is their appetite for brains. This cliche comes from the 1985 horror comedy Return of the Living Dead, which isn't a part of the official Night of the Living Dead canon.

According to the movie's writer and director Dan O'Bannon, human brains are a natural pain reliever for zombies. Very nice. I'm very nice And we will end with Frankenstein can barely talk Which also, man, just watch

No Frank, what's the funny one? My brain John Jack Oh young Frankenstein No, she wilder Yes, young Frankenstein I even knew the answer

But I just made one up anyway Don't it makes my brain stop I hate it when I can't think of a name of something My brain goes frozen Yeah your brain just starts going My trauma My trauma Yeah, and then I start to cry.

And then it's just like, oh, there she goes. You should talk about Frankenstein. Is she sad? There she goes again. My trauma. Young Frankenstein, Jackie, you've got to get over all that bad stuff that happened to you and you were young.

I love Frankenstein's monster and he deserves a chance and he just wants to date me. And I just, I'm fine with it. In 1931's Frankenstein, the monster's speech is limited to grunts. And in the bride of Frankenstein, he only speaks in broken sentences. This is a departure from Shelley's book In which the creature can speak eloquently He teaches himself to read and write after he's created And by the end of the novel, he's polylingual

And this is a man that I would want to have a family with And why is that crazy to say? Yeah, he's big, he's me. He's big. He's smart. He's smart, he's eloquent. Yeah, absolutely. Driven. Take him to a masquerade ball.

Yeah, and he's not green. So, although I would take him if he was, and that's the end of my list. Yeah. I would celebrate, except for I can't, because I can no longer see. I think I'm going.

Blind! Items! Oh, we can't see them. I am so excited for these blind items, guys. Yeah. It's just like a bizarre. Because I feel like, you know, I didn't try to necessarily have, like,

you know, Halloween-themed blinds, but, you know, it just sort of came out. It just was some very fun blinds. I'm going to start with the most in-es. of them. And here it is. This one speaks to the two of you in your television lust.

In order to save his marriage, this A-List, mostly television actor, quit the show he was in. Apparently, the romance between himself and a much-younger co-star, slightly higher on the list, has the reason for the marriage trouble. The much- younger co-star says

the actor still texts her a dozen times a day and always once naked pictures. What show? Older guy, younger girl. are annoying about. Riverdale. Yeah.

So who, so. Who's leaving the show? Mark and Suelos? No, what? Is it Lily Reinhardt? Markinsueless and Kelly Ripa or the married couple. Yeah, but who's the young actress he's texting?

Did not specify, bros? I don't know. Who did it? Who do you think he might have had a weird trist? I mean, hopefully not his. Hermosa, daughter, Hermione, or Hermosa. No, but it would have been,

this blind must be about one of the principles, right? That's for you to speculate a, Well, there's a much younger, higher on the list, co-star. Yeah, so it has to be Lily Reinhardt or Veronica. Or what's her name? You can't know her name. Who knows her name? Or Cheryl.

Or Cheryl. I'm saying their character names. That Hiram Lodge? It's got to be Lily Reinhardt. I think it's Lily. Oh, maybe it's Kijepa. I wish it was KJ. I will watch that tape.

Yes. I'll watch that tape. If Marcosuelos and KJ.E. That would be great. As it is, it sounds like Mark Hensuelos is being a badman. No, but they're love. Yeah, we love their love.

Yeah, we love their love. Mark Houselis, who plays Veronica Lodge's father, Heerham on the show, made his final appearance as a series regular in the season 5. Don't bring it up. Why are you reminding us all day? It's very sad. Very sad.

Very sad. Yes, very much so. They don't give you any more clues as to what, aside from younger and higher on the list than Hiram. slightly higher on the list. Slightly, they say it. They don't say a name. It could be Cheryl.

It could be Cheryl Veronica or Betty. Who do you think it is? I don't know why I think this. You're going to KJ? You're going on that weird choice with KJ, you would lose the bet jacket. They would just be so mussely together. I know, but that's not, I mean, come on.

I think that it is Lily Reinhardt. I think because even though it obviously could be Veronica because she's not his actual daughter, in my mind, I'm like, it can't be Veronica because she's his daughter. I would think maybe, I mean, what's her type? Kelly Ripper, probably more Lily. Lily.

Probably more Lily than, you know what I mean. If we're gonna go by who he's married to and what his type is to be. And whose heart he's currently breaking. Wow. No shame to the actress who plays Veronica who name I cannot think of. But. He's Ripper her heart and. Yeah.

Holden. Okay. So let's forget about what I said. Wow, I can't believe they even get more exciting. Right. Mark Consuelos. Right. too, I bet he fucking is good at fucking eaten.

He has to be. He's very, very mussely. I bet he could eat one. I bet he could eat one. All right. This one comes in from Lux, who says, Holden. Congrats on the baby, et cetera,

but let's get to the good stuff. All right. Now, I don't want to kink shame, all right? And I'll also even say, I feel bad for this guy if this is true, because I feel like celebrities with these kinds of kinks have a hard, hard lot. So here we go.

And also this is written very funnily, so that's why I have to preface with No King's Day. Note for this next part. Tuck the kitties away in bed if they're listening. It's not, it's child time. I don't think a lot of kids are listening to this show. You never know. People are making dinner. Listen to us, scream at them while they make dinner.

My friend's aunt had a housemate who dated this celebrity who shall not be named and has a heck of a story about it. Apparently, a couple weeks into dating, he asked her if he could watch her use the toilet. Gals take toilet trips together all the time, so I guess it wasn't a big deal to have another person watch her piss, so she let him. He got so horned up that he asked if she would let him watch her, in all caps, take a dump.

Now, he wasn't just in the room while this happened. He got his face right up close and watched it come out of her asshole. Wow. Wow. And he, in all caps with four O's, loved it. Loved it. She decided to break things off before he asked her to take a dump at his chest during sex. But you'd better believe that's where this was going.

So there you have it, conspiracy theory that, oh, a character he's really well known for that I gave a context clue for in the beginning of this loves big old dumps in a sexy way. the celebrity who shall not be named. I'm going to need the context clue again because all my knowledge has been erased by the adults. I literally just said the context clue again. You just said the context clue again.

The celebrity should not be named. That's the context clue? The context clue is a celebrity? Is it the person that played Voldemort? Maybe. Is it Ralph Fines? Yeah. No, it's not.

I mean, that's awesome. I think it's great. I love the way this was written. It just been, Eddie-O-O-O-W-Chi. You know the most prestigious among us have the weirdest fucking shit that I'm like. I mean, yeah, man. Wow, especially like getting up in there. Thank you, Lux, aka little gay in my Twitch community.

Thank you so much for that. Thank you so much for this insider information. Wow. Got up underneath it and watched it come out. So yeah, what do you think? You think I feel like I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure this was the actor that kind of hit on my ex

while she was working at this wine bar because he lived around the corner and he was like, come back up to my lodgings. And she probably did now knowing how things went, but still, I just wonder if there was any poo play or anything in the old recipe book back then. You know, he is looking good,

but I think I would, I'd put a stop to that and be like, maybe. Well, yeah, we talked about an incident you had on a Twitch stream not too long ago, which we don't need to go into detail on. But yeah, that's where you draw the line, Jackie. Draw the line. You got to have lines, guys, and there's nothing wrong with that, even if it is Ralph Fines. Yeah, I think totally fine to not.

King's shame also quite fine to draw the line for you where it works for you. I just love the detail of this. It's just like, he got right up in there and he was wh-nowsing around. I do imagine him just being like, oh, he turned it to a droopy cartoon, like, a dog, horny dog. Like, he turned into like a, yeah,

text-avery cartoon. It's like putting your head, like what you always wanted to do of, like, putting your head underneath the frozen yogurt container of a sizzler, you know? He couldn't. He just was blown away by seeing what came out of there. Wow. Yeah, no, I didn't need to know that.

The more you know. You were so excited about it. I got on the Zoom call and Hold was like, I have such a good blind item today. I'm not even done. I'm not even done. Wow. We're not finished.

This is just the beginning. Well, it's not just the beginning. We only have one more. But yeah, I have maybe the craziest one. Still the Cubs. Wow. How great is that? But I will say going back to my previous comment,

my heart does kind of go out to high profile celebrities who might have this kind of kink because it's got to be challenging navigating the, let's say, toilet bowl waters when it comes to this sort of stuff. Swimming in the tumultuous

to blow your spot. Make sure what my friend's aunt had a housemate, so you know what I mean? It gets around. My friend's aunt, I even realize how conflated that connection was for the story. Thank you so much.

good luck. All right, last one. But it's a, it's a settle-in. It's a tale. It's an old fucking wife's tale, I'm about to tell you. This Oscar-winning A-Lis actor was at one time a well-respected actor. I think he still is, so fuck all that. Lately, personal issues have forced him to make some questionable career choices. He has been in the tabloids a lot. This actor also is also a collector of rare items, which is something that has gotten him into trouble in regards to his net worth. Something that he acquired. By the way, this is a lot of like in my normal blinds. Okay, I just want to preface that. This isn't like a

fan writing it. This is like in the normal blinds. Something that he acquired that may have caused long-lasting mental damage. He funded a young inventor who came up with a device that allowed him to move ahead to another place temporarily. There, the

actor discovered a possible relation committing horrible crimes against humanity well on the way to becoming Hitler-level infamous. He returned from his trip very shaken up. He has been in the tabloids a lot. This actor is also a collector of rare Idaho.

Oh, did I just totally? Yeah. Oh, sorry. He returned from his trip, very shaken up. So apparently, what this blind item is saying is that he got a guy who invent a time machine of some sort. Right? And that's what that reading, right?

He funded a young inventor who came up with a, quote, device that allowed him to move ahead to another place temporarily. So I think that's a time machine device. Or is that just like some sort of like aeroplane? Like I feel like it's like or is it just like a... No, I think that it's a time machine device because he sees that a relation of his, like a person he's has a relationship with. It's Nick Cage, right?

Yeah, completely 100% it's Nick Cage. Okay. So Nick Cage, see, this is the thing. The second you said like someone that like he collects weird things and puts his, his, uh, his bottom line in a weird spot.

Obviously Nick Cage, he's known, like, he's got the pyramid plot, you know, $30,000, like dinosaur skull and turned out it wasn't real.

And the cave stone, or the graveyard, many things. Yeah, yeah. But, so he paid an inventor to make him a time machine.

I'm guessing it's a time machine because, I mean, what else would him, he went on a trip, found out someone he, as a relationship with becomes sort of like another kind of a Hitlerish level of badman and then he returns and he's very upset about it.

So do you think that that's why part of like why he's been like getting kicked out of? Yeah. Bars and stuff is because what he saw was so life altering that he could never be the same. Is that why he made the movie pig? Maybe we thought that he was just like, you know, a little too drunk having to him a good of time

in Vegas the other week. And it turns out he's recovering from having gone on a time travel. Yeah, maybe that's why he was so fucking hammered in Vegas because he saw that his friend was going to do a bunch of atrocities of the world or his son. I don't even know what. That's the other piece of this that I was having hard time

to keep him taking track of. He basically stops the next future Hitler, is that right? Or seize them, at least, and now he's probably troubled with, should I kill this person? My friend or family. Would you stop maybe Hitler if you could go back in time? So Nick Cage, if he gets

put into jail for murder, we can then assume that the person that he's murdered was someone that was going to be evil. Oh my God, this is good. That's very good. Very scary. Halloween themed blinds. I'm scared now. Ray Fines. Loving that dookin's going to the dukeye bar. It's not Halloween themed. Spookies. That's why it's like dukies, but they're spooky dukes. Doogies. And then you got Mark and Swaheless, which I think is terrifying that he's banging Lily Reinhardt. Only terrifying because of his love for his wife, Kelly Rippa. Again, if they're open, then that's fine with it.

But I think he is a little too. You know what? If Lily Reinhardt is into it, then that's fine. No, she's not. Oh, she's not. You're right. They're complaining about how he wants, yeah, he keeps sitting her up about a picture.

His pants are so tight, though. So tight. How do you wear suit pants that tight? I don't know. He's got lost out of them with his butt. That's a good question. a butt spooky.

Spooky how tight they are. Spooky butt. Sorry to terrify you guys with all of those blinds, but I can see again. And Nick Cage, dude,

I'm so sorry you're dealing with that issue. I mean, would you, okay, you find out Henry is going to essentially cause the next

like mass genocide. Jackie, do you murder him? What do you do? Yeah, I don't even ask him about it. I mean, you know, do you do your research?

I don't even ask him about it. Just, just, Just jump on it. Immediately kill him. Don't look into it. Don't think about it. You just got to go with your gut sometimes.

Yeah, I'd take him out. I'd take him out real quick. He gots to. I'd know how to do it too. Really easy. I'd do a poison thimble. And I'd go in for a hug and I'd put it in his neck. I think I would do it on an episode of good putt.

I think that I would finally, like, I would want everyone to know why I did it. Try this put. Why is this put smoking? Why is it to have smoke coming out of it? Because it's like the mask. It's smoking. I would also kill Henry.

I have to get a zinger in there right before the guys, huh? Yeah, and it would be good for me too because he would be like, this is so great, we never see each other. I'd be like, let's go out for a drink. Oh my gosh, this is so fun. And then I would just, you know, poison him. Over, yeah. He would never expect it from me.

I hope that he won't be him, though. I don't think it will be. I don't think it'll be Henry. Maybe Ben. Yeah. Well, after, you know, after he gets that kind of footage of the tubed meat assault, I guess that, you know, he sees things in a, different perspective that we might have to have a conversation about.

There you go. All right. Welcome back to not being blind anymore. And I guess it's time for the shoutouts. Oh. Shout. Shout. Let it all out.

These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We'll read them to you. Come on. What's in the inbox? What's in the inbox? Is it a seven reference? Jackie, this isn't Twilight.

Just because it's over doesn't mean you can turn the shoutouts into Twilight. We are here for the shoutouts. And thank you guys again so much for writing in your amazing shoutouts over to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. That is 7 the number. I love reading it every week. And you guys put such a smile on my face. Oh, Jackie, stop screeching.

It's time for shoutouts. And specifically birthday shoutouts because it's Rachel's birthday on October 26th. And I have to tell you, Rachel, Devin wrote in the sweetest birthday shoutout email. Rachel, I need you to know that Devin wrote in this email over a month ago for your birthday. They were so on top of your birthday shoutout. And they sent in the cutest pick of y'all at RuPaul's Drag Race. Oh, my God, Devin deserves at least seven extra kid. Thank you kisses.

At least seven. Anyway, Devin says, happy birthday to my best friend in the love of my life. I am so grateful for you every day and can't wait to celebrate so many more of these with you. Oh, I love your love. Happy birthday, Rachel. But also happy almost birthday to Anna. Anna's 23rd birthday is on October 27th, and thank you for such beautiful, kind words. And yes, I did send your love over to the last podcast, boys.

I got you, girl! Anna says October 27th is my 23rd birthday, and it would totally make my year to have a shout-out-I-got-you, baby. These last couple of birthdays haven't been great for obvious reasons, but you gotta be souping me if you think I won't celebrate it this year. Hell, yes, that's what I love to hear.

Anna says, I've been a fan of page 7 for years. This is the first place I go to for Celebrity's Celebrity Goss. I'm sorry. As a zoomer who loves 80s and 90s pop culture, y'all are perfect. I love pop history the most and we love you the most, Anna.

Thank you so much for writing in. And, oh, Colton wrote in a short little mini shout out, and it said, Happy Birthday, Decaria, rocking that purple and pink, have an amazing 24th birthday. I know I haven't met you, Dacaria, but your name is fucking awesome, and I hope that you have the best birthday. And also, charity, you weren't too late for Grant's birthday birthday on October 24th. We did it. We got it in there on time. Your amazing part Grant, whose birthday is on October 24th, he's turned in the big two-eight. And Charity says Grant is such an amazing person and partner.

He is so supportive and generous to everyone in his life. I love him for so many reasons, but his eagerness to watch the Twilight movies and listen to Jackie's Twilight Book Club with me makes me have no doubt that he's the one. Oh my God, sweet Charity, I love it. Happy birthday, Grant. And oh my God, I am so envious of Phil and Katie's birthday weekend extravaganza. Katie B is sending a shout out to her beautiful friend, Phil, who is turning 31 on the 23rd of October. Katie says, our birthdays are two days and two years apart.

The chocolate company he works at is currently going through a rough spot, and Phil is single-handedly keeping it together. He's the hardest working person, I know. We'll be spending our shared birthday weekend at a haunted castle in poor towns in Washington. I can't wait to hunt ghosts with my best friend. You deserve a break, bud. I hope you enjoy my birthday shout out via Jackie's beautiful dulcet tones. May her voice carry you home to me. I love you. I love you.

And woo-hoo. Can I get a what-blow for B-Star Online, friends. I love you, Zoe. I'm so glad that you love B-Stars too. All right, this isn't about B-Stars Jackie. Zoe is sending in love to their best friend, Lane, who is getting married this weekend in October 23rd. Zoe says, I am so happy for Lane and her awesome fiancé Ben,

and I'm so excited to see them wet, and I just wanted to give her a shout-out for getting fucking married. Hell yeah. Mazel, Mazel, I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend. And oh my God, Tara wrote in, and I'm so fucking sorry, Tara, Everything sounds like a damn nightmare. Now, Tara had said that the pandemic has been a major bitch to all of us, but I got very sick right before it went down.

Never was tested positive for it. Never had it. But I had multiple seizures. I was put on the back burner, lost most of my mobility and 90% of my eyesight. I'm 36 did graphic design for a living and can't see for shit now. And doctors have never seen anything like this. No hope. But we give you hope.

But Tara, that makes me so happy and I'm so sorry. And I know the struggles of just being like, what do you mean? You have no fucking clue what's going on. And I'm so happy that you're still able to listen to our podcast. And he said, thank you for all that you do. Also say a ghetto, trashy, weird-ass shit. Shout out to my love, Brent,

who has literally scooped me off the floor and saved my life. We need to smile while I still can. We love you so much. And if you want to feel at least, If you want to be able to see the anguish through your ears, check out Twilight because it's visceral and it will make you upset about other things if, you know, just, you know, about how the books may have ruined a multiple generations of people that think that toxic relationships are okay.

But that is the end of me yelling about that. We love you, Tara. And I'm sending you all the best in my heart. And to my dearest Ellen, I'm so happy we're able to finally marry your point. partner, even after Pandemmy tried to eff it up, but even more importantly, hell yes. I'm so proud of you for quitting smoking. Yes, it is hell. I just wanted to read this part out.

Ellen said, the week before Thanksgiving 2020, I bought my last pack of cigarettes. I got on the nicotine patch and slowly took the steps to wean off. Now, I cannot tell you the last time I smoked a cigarette. My bank account and lungs are really appreciative, but holy fuck, that shit was hard. fuck addiction and shout out to anyone and everyone's struggling in any way you've got this keep trying you can do it and thank you so much ellen for saying that i think that we all definitely need to hear that in many different ways and i really appreciate the positive words and last but not least my love uranium has sent in and also if you don't know uranium you don't know our twitch

family coming out over on the oh no is jacky twitch or over on the holdenaders twitch because, ugh, I don't know what I would do without you guys, and I'm so excited, because Tony wrote in saying, giving a shout out to the beautiful beans in the stew crew. Now, you've got to come hang out on Fridays if you don't, because Holden and I do jacking with the holdies, and then afterwards, they're stewing with the beans, which is the after show hosted by Kyle Cop and hosted by a myriad of other amazing human beings that are a part of our Twitch community. and I'm so excited that Tony that you guys get to all meet in real life in the Big Easy this weekend. I'm so envious. And it was just so sweet because Tony wrote, as a group, many of us came together because of our shared love for LPN, especially through your Friday night streams with Holden and hanging out together afterwards to share a laugh on Kyle's Post Show. Now the screen names that they first started to recognize when they popped up on Twitch chat have become some of my best friends,

thanks in no small part to the beautiful community that has grown around your shows. I'm going to immediately burst in tears. I love you very much uranium. And I love all of you guys in our Twitch community and come hang out because we've all become a family. And I've also made multiple IRL friends through it. And part of me is like, I was too old to make online friends. And the thing is, you're not. And you should come hang out with us.

And that's it for our shoutouts this week. and I love you guys so much. Thank you again. Send in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. It puts such a smile in my heart. I love you guys. As for writing in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

We did it. Cool. We're doing a sing-songy plug. Hey, you can catch me on twitch. TV. I do lots of streams every Monday, Thursday, Friday. Yes, that's me, and you can agree that ye, ye, ye. Oh, yes.

Not fair, you guys could both sing. I can't sing. MJ, do it in like slam poetry. Uh-oh, MJ's going to do a hip-hop remit. I'll do a slam poetry because-o-o-try. Me, I'm MJ. Wow. I'm MJ and I'm MJ-K-L cat.

On Instagram. Wow, that was good. I'm scared of you now. Thank you. You had such a serious face on. I feel like I was interrupting your art. And my name is Jake. He's a brown ski.

You can find me anytime that you like. Oh, if you want to go on and find me, you can go on my Twitch channel. It's, oh, no, it's Jackie. Tuesdays and Thursdays. Or if you want to see my pictures, beyond Instagram and my Instagram username is Jack that one

and yes it is reminiscent to jerking off our dick Wow I should get into musical theater All right guys I'll do it I will do it

Stop begging me And this has been page seven We will be back next week With more spooky tales To terrify you We have at least one more spook right Oh yeah good one more spook Oh he loved it

I don't I don't love it. I don't love it. I don't love it. No. And he said, wow, that's some goods. No. No, I'll take Mark Gonsuelos, please.

Any time. We love you, guys. Talk to you next week. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.