Page 7 - Ep. 424: Cup Full of Dust

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

This week we're gossin' 'bout celebrity and beyond Halloween costumes, the horrors of (some) zoos, celebs who keep stealin' our style(!!!!), Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian HOLDING HANDS, the Nightmare Before Christmas Halloween concert, Timothée Chalamet's custom Xbox controller YouTube, Dune, Garfield being played by Chris Pratt and a certain internet comment that makes Jackie go HAM, Mariah Carey ending Halloween with a SMASH, when exactly to start Christmas season, Hamdy Canes and hot dog flavored candy canes, and in celebrity conspiracy corner; was John Mulaney and Anna Marie Tendler's marriage actually broken up by Timothée Chalamet!? Plus the blinds, a phobia filled list and the shouts!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A roast as dark as the night. Perfect for fueling the crypted research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge! Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, re-bring you, Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans.

Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. It's the doldrums after Halloween But what has been stuck in my head for days? It's a recondition this day and age To read any good news on the newspaper page Love and tradition of the grand design Some people say is even harder to find Well then there must be some magic clue inside

Because all I see is a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of every scene. It's a bigger love. Did I do there? Exactly what I was over here. I'm jamming out on the fake piano on my desk. Because that's what I do when I'm really feeling the music. And how do you guys feel about it?

I'm feeling pretty good because I decided to shoot myself for the laser gun, and now I'm Hold On. Hold on knows how to talk to the ladies. Hold on. He gets into all the fancy clubs. Hold on's got a rod the size of a baseball man. He doesn't know. Yeah, he does cocaine on a Wednesday.

Hold on a Wednesday, my friend. How are you doing? Yeah, I mean, I'm not quite sure exactly. What's going on, but I'm with it. I'm feeling great. I'm ready to shit on some celebrity costumes. It's like Stefan Rekyll. I did this recently and I kept calling Henry Henri instead of Stefan and making him be a little fat Frenchman.

And we had fun. Yeah, I'm hold on Mac Nalae. I'm sorry, hold on a second. I have to, I got a knock at the door. I think my yeezy is to show. Wow. Yeah, let me go grab those. You're going to be very comfortable.

Now, I guess if I went through the machine, I'd just be jacking. Harry, who is who I want to be in real life anyway. So I accept. Get me a machine. You're already a jacquet, aside from the one and only jacquet. There are two and only jacques. Please put me in ladybugs. And you got hit with the laser gun too, M.J because you were MJ.

Oh my God. For Halloween. You guys made it happen. I am M.J. Shemmy. How much did you act? Did you really embody? Timothy Shama-Ding-dong during your Halloween fete.

Well, here's the thing. I was so excited when you guys texted me on Friday night to be like, you should be M.J. Shalameh. And I was like, this is so great because I'm going to a costume party tomorrow night or a Halloween party. It was costume optional. But I was like, I like a dress-up. I want to dress up.

I like a costume. And so I was like, this is so great. It's like, this will be fun. and I could put on heavy eye makeup and whatever. But then Saturday afternoon, I took my children to the Bronx Zoo, and I live in Brooklyn, and it was a hero's journey taking the subway.

I used to take the subway to the Bronx, you know, three to four days a week for 11 years, but that was by myself. Both the kids all the way up to the Bronx Zoo. And that's not even just like at the tip of the Bronx. Like, that's in the Bronx. And then it's like several, it's a long walk.

from the train station. Yeah. So, and we had a bunch of adults with us, too. It was not even like I was on my own. But by the time I got back, no one was in a good mood. You know, it was, we had a great time at the zoo. It was magical. It was sweet.

But, you know, sometimes as a parent, you're like, this will be fun. And then you forget that, like, things are fun, but also, like, not pure fun. Right. Like, there is, like, a lot of, you know, things that aren't fun that come with it. And so I got back and it was, like,

And the person who's party I was going to is also a parent of a young child. And she said she was like, I don't even know if I'm going to stay past 10 or 11. And I was like, and also it was in Williamsburg, which is like, you know, I haven't really spent a lot of time. I used to be in Williamsburg every single night. I haven't spent a lot of time in Williamsburg since I was, you know, a much younger person. You saw almost every borough on Halloween is what you're saying. Yes.

It wasn't. Yeah. Good. And so I was like, I got to become Timothy Shalameh. Now I got to become MJ Shalamee. And, but actually that part. part was fun because all I really did was try to do a middle part and a lot of heavy eye makeup. And I was very, I looked through my wardrobe and my wardrobe is not like sparkly enough.

Like I need like shit with weird collars. Big collars. You know, or I actually considered wearing my white wedding suit like to be him like at the Met Gala. But I do not fit into my white wedding suit anymore. And so I was like, I don't have like. So outfit wise, I fell short. But facial expression-wise, I feel like I did get it. But long story short, nobody at the party not a one

asked me if I was in costume or noticed or it did not come up at the party. But I felt happy. That's funny. I think everyone just thought like, oh, I'm J's doing something a little bit different. I love it. In terms of hair today, weird middle part for some reason. So not a single other person experience.

experienced me as MJ Shalloway? Yeah, you know, that's the problem of trying to come out with like some new fashions, sensibilities and stuff like that, MJ is, I mean, unless you're, even if you did show up in what I showed up in, which is just a full on dog costume, I think maybe people would have been like, wow, they're really like trying this new aesthetic,

like this dog aesthetic. It's like, this is my Halloween costume already. I will say, Alden, I did see you in two different dog costumes this weekend, so. Well, Brandy Man is Brandy Man. I mean, that's, it sounds. situation over on jacket or the cowboy hat and the dog costume. Well, I have a lot of dog costumes because of when we saw cats and dressed like dogs. I still have. I recognize your dog costume.

Yeah. I kept the choices, but it was such a new parent's Halloween for us because literally like moments before we were like, should we even go? And then Lexi was like, I'm just not even going to wear a costume. And I was like, it's a costume party. You have to wear a costume. Like, you're saying that now, and as soon as we get there and you're not in a costume, and everyone else is in a costume, you're going to hate life. So she looked great. She wore her Lucille. Paul. Yeah, she looked awesome. Yeah, she wore her Lucille Ball costume from 2012, and I had a dog costume. I just pulled out of the bin and threw on. Luckily, she somehow had the good sense to order a Grogu costume like a week ago for the baby that, you know, we put on for two seconds.

Just like Lizzo. And that's why I said, Winnie and Lizzo definitely twinned hard on Halloween, as well as Angelina Jolie and all of MJ's family. Now, MJ, I can't not bring up the fact that you all dress like giraffes because I love giraffes. I didn't know that about you. Oh, I love giraffes. And giraffes are so good, and then they nuzzled in their necks,

and they love each other so much. Yeah. And he always think about the time when old and I were at the zoo. And then they kept it separated. They kept them separated. Bring this up last week. That's last time I've been to a zoo

because, I mean, MJ is weird that we have all this fucking zoo talk. Zoo talk this episode. I guess the zoo episode. Good luck. Lord. Colocally! Stay out of the reptiles.

Yeah, don't go to any of the domes. Don't be in any of the domes. Don't be in any of the domes. Don't be in any of these. Don't go into a dome. No. Space with other creatures. But MJ, yeah, I will say, yeah. And Jay, I will say, it's the last time I've stepped foot in a zoo because I

found it all to be incredibly depressing. This is the thing. With a zoo, you really run the chance of having a terrible time because you're just absolutely devastated about the concept. I feel like it's a conservation has, which is fucking

yeah, zoo becomes animal jail real quick. Right, right. You really start to think about like life and cages and it you can really spiral very quickly.

For this reason, I also avoid zoos. But the Bronx Zoo, I do feel like it's different because it's a conservation zoo and like it, you know, and I've actually like

done a little bit of research on this and there's like kind of two categories of zoos where it's like zoos that are just like, just for the money, and then zoos that are like, we're actually trying to, like, I don't even get me started on the zoos for the shows. When they bring those parents out, they make the parents do their work for them.

Yeah, no, I don't live the show. There's a lot, it is uncomfortable to go to the zoo, but I was telling myself. Yeah, I start screaming, we should put the men in a cage. We should be in the, you know, and me you start throwing, yeah, you start throwing poop at the zookeepers. Yeah, but I, I, I was telling myself that the, the, yeah, poop. The boat paper now. Yeah, you're not locked in here with me. I'm locked in here with you, you know, whatever.

How did I get these scars? You know what I mean? I just did the whole Joker thing. But we, well, part of the reason we went is because Freddie's also very into giraffes. And so we wanted to see the giraffes in the Bronx Zoo, which was very satisfying. And then, yes, my whole family dressed as giraffes for Halloween. And that turned out to be extremely fun, maybe even more fun than being M.J. Salomey.

Wow. Shots fired. Here are Angelina Jolie's over here Still on my thunder. Also dressed as a giraffe. Very, very, like always. We're always saying this. Cribbon MJ style, nonstop. Yeah, she's your Ariana.

I've always said that. And who knows, I bet next Halloween she'll be Angelet shall be May. Oh, wow, I wonder where you got that fucking idea. Angelina, if that's your real name. Oh, what does it mean? Angel, whatever. But also, speaking of Ariana Grande,

Holden, how did you feel when I sent this very great, when I explained the article of what Ariana Grande was wearing? Holden, you and Ariana dressed as each other for Halloween. She dressed like a lizard and you dressed like a lying dog. And yes, that's what I know. I mean, look, yeah, exactly. I was like, I was just, at first all I could see was her. So I was just like, oh, look, a thieving woman.

And then I dug deeper, I was like, oh, wow, she did kind of maybe send a subtle knot to me. and say, hey, maybe that was her olive branch. Well, I take the branch and I break the branch. Oh, my God, you're very upsetting. But she was dressed as the creature from the Black Lagoon. And the pictures are actually really fucking cool. Whomever made the prosthetics for her outfit,

it looks really good. And I just was, I just immediately did think that she was stealing your style again, as Holden the lizard. I'm sorry, Hold on the Lizard McNale. McNally. McNally. It's a pretty big coincidence. Even I, as I'm a, I think perhaps I'm in the camp skeptic in terms of the extent to which Ariana Grande is stealing everything about Holden's life.

I think it's really the origin story if I would happen that has me that is my favorite part of Holden's kind of theory. but I do think that the coincidences are adding up. I think that at this point, just like KJ. Epa, you can't explain that many coincidences away. Like at some point we have to admit, all these celebrities are listening to page seven. Probably Pete Davidson, too. Pete Davidson is like, you want to talk about,

you want to talk about all the hot women I'm smooching. Holden hands with Kim Kardashian on the roller coaster at the Not Scary, which I think that she was just scared. We all know this, right? Sure, well, I don't know. You think there's nothing there? Come on. You know she was fucking. Well, at least her hand wasn't, you know, down by his net.

I don't hold hands with people I ride roller coaster. I have definitely had a picture of me and Edward Larson holding hands at the top. I was, because I was, I had taken some things at the Disneyland. And at the top of Tower of Terror, I was so scared that I had burst into tears. even though I love a Tower Terror, but I was so into it that the picture I made him hold my hand and tears are streaming down my face.

I will say I think he's the only person I've ever held hands with on a roller coaster or something like that out of fear. If she was dripping balls and that's why she's holding him, that's an awesome. That makes me love her all the more. What are they doing at the Nottsbury Farms together

in the first ones? Who knows? Yeah. I mean, you know, come on. It's not like they were on a fucking class trip. Yeah. And they just ended up sitting next to each other. I mean, I think that was like a date, you know what I mean?

And I don't think that Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson are like just like really great friends the way that Jackie Zabrowski and Ed Larson are. Maybe I'm wrong. I think the source, and there was a source closer, I believe, that said something along lines of like, she's just having some fun these days, which is. essentially just me and she's rebounding on that big, jump on it. You know he's not looking for anything zero,

you know, so it's great. Yeah. I hope that is. Absolutely. It is a head scratcher to me, though. That guy really is the luckiest man on earth. Right, Kate Beck and sale. Fucking, uh,

I thought about you. I thought about you. Yeah, he was banging that one for a while. I apologize. It's a horrible thing to say. I can't remember her name, though. Phoebe? Uh.

Oh, right. He did take that actress, didn't he? I just thought you were imagining that was what Kate Beckinsale said. Could have been that too. At some point during a lovemaking session. By love making session, I mean deep. B'bba. Bang, bhaing, the bang, the bang.

And who could forget the relationship with Ariana Grande? It's where it all began, I guess, for the maybe everyone's thirst and forum out there. Yeah, it really launched him into the stratosphere of, like, beautiful people. That one picture with her, with the lollipop in her mouth, looking. up at him in that exact specific way, that made him, that gave him open season on any chick he wants to bang for the rest of his life. That one, it's, and that she might not have, it even be like it, he might even have a tiny little, I'm going to say little neener. That's what I, I don't think he has a tiny neater, but I think that it's all about the energy. Tall and lanky,

there's no way he's got a tiny neater. Yeah, he's tall and lanky, he's got a big fatty. No, but I think it's more about the tall and lankiness than it is about the size of his needer. I think there's just something. He's just like the tall, idiot asshole in the back of the room in your class that you're just like, I guess I'd make all of that guy. I guess I'll suck that guy. He's the guy that you caught class with. They try a cigarette for the first time. Yeah, you cut class with him.

You have a cigarette. He gets you high on some like swag that's mixed with oregano. And you're like, well, you know, it's a guy. wasn't that bad. Yes. That's great. Yeah. Yes.

He is the type of guy you bang or make out with and then you walk away. You're like, yeah, I guess I don't regret that. That was fine. You know? I guess I don't regret that. That's what I wanted to do. And something I definitely didn't regret that I did over the weekend was I went to go see the nightmare before Christmas concert.

Dish the Dish. That was done by Danny Elfman and Billy Eilish was there singing Sally's song and Weird Al Yankovic was there and Paul Rubens was there. Awesome. And it was all done by the original orchestra that made the original soundtrack for the movie. And apparently this is Danny Alphman's last time performing as Jack Skellington. And I got to say, it was a fucking magical evening that I don't think I'll ever forget. It was, I can't imagine that they weren't recording this to put up.

I was about to say, please tell me they fucking. recorded this evening of entertainment. Did you not, but you didn't see cameras or anything? Like they didn't say it. You didn't sign a consent form or anything like that. But I would imagine, since it is Disney, that they have to be turning that into a live, like a concert event type thing that they're going to put up next year. Especially because Danny Elfman said that it was the last time that he's ever going to do it.

And in the end, he sang some Oingo Boingo songs. Cool. And that was just like a really just, was, uh, had no idea that it was something I always needed or wanted in my life. And Danny Elfman just looking fucking amazing. And they like played the movie and they did the live orchestra over the movie. And then the people would come out and sing the songs. And it was all outside of Billy Elish and Weird Al, but like Greg Proops was there.

It's like all the original people doing all the voices and seeing these people on stage. Five people outside of the big characters did all of the voices for all. all of the characters. Wow. And they're just on stage doing it. And it, like, I don't know. You know when you see something and you feel very cynical and jaded in your life and you watch it and you're just like, I like being a performer.

And it's really cool to see when you're just like, there's a bunch of kids there that are just like watching this. And, like, it's real life that they get to see Nightmare Before Christmas. And the whole place is singing. It was just a really magical gothic. moment for us. Love it. Yeah, that sounds

That's so awesome. Billy I was at first, I was like, not Catherine O'Hara. I want to see Catherine O'Hara sing the song. But you know what? Y'all know I love Billy. And it is,

it was really cool because you could tell how excited she was to do that. She didn't have to fucking do that on Halloween. She does not have to do anything she doesn't want to do. Right. And like afterwards,

just them all on stage as they're like taking their bows and like, she just could. I don't know. That's got to be no matter how much you've done and how much you've seen at that young of an age, it has to mean something, right?

Yeah, that's so cool. Definitely. And I love how much of a fan she is, like, you know, with her Justin Bieber thing and everything. Like, as cool as she comes off. And as, like, everything, like, watching the documentary and just seeing how much of a goofball she is for Justin Bieber's music and was, oh, you're just like,

yeah, she's just like, everyone, she's just this goofy kid who, who just fucking happened to, A, have like an incredibly talented older brother that helped her immensely as well. But together with him, fucking was on the cusp of the new wave of, you know, emo chick or whatever you want to call it. I don't know. It's just on it, man. And it's just fun to see it's like, oh, she's not cool. And that's what, it's also really impressive with her because never did she say like, I'm super cool.

Like, you know what I mean? She, like, wears her, I think, fandom and her goofiness on her sleeve at the same time. you know, which is what's so funny. She's kind of, I feel like always constantly being like, I'm not that cool.

Which I appreciate it. I'm not even very good at this. You know what I mean? Just like very humble in that way. At least that's what I got from her doc, which I think everybody should check out. Well, I was feeling the same way about Timothy, Shalemae, speaking of,

is because I saw Dune. We talked about it over on Talking TV and you can hit up our Patreon if you would like to listen to Holden and I squirt about Dune. Root Duna's Rise the Fing. the fuck. Wiggle your arms around like worms.

Throw a bag of groceries from somebody's grocery cart into a river. Let's go through Rootunas. But. Let's go, Rudy Degner. Timothay is another one of those. And in watching the interviews, like with Jim and Zendaya and stuff like that, I always just assume it's like, well, he comes from generational wealth. Oh, he's like, God, you know, he comes from like nice stock.

That I think that he's going to have this stick up his ass. But he's just like, bro, it's the end to the point that like this whole vice article came out trying to find out because there was word on the street that Timothy had this Xbox modding YouTube channel when he was like 14 years old. And people like, there's no way. Timothy did do that. And he has just this. Because of course, he's every 14 year old. Yeah. And he also was a daytager. Like he's a person, he's a human being. And it makes me love him even more, though.

It makes me love Zendaya that she gets to be smooching fucking Tom Holland and like flirting around with Timothy on all their interviews and just like a fun, whatever. Like she just has her finger on the pulse, if you will, of the hot youth. Oh, I thought he said cock youth. I was like, yeah, wow, yay. I think she does a finger on the pulse of the cock youth. The hot men of their mid-20s are right there with Zendaya, and I think she deserves it, and I'm happy for her.

I love her. I love her. I love her so much. I love her even more than I love both of those two. I can't thirst for Timothy, as I mentioned last week. I just think he is just a little baby. He's a boy king. Yeah, he's a boy king.

Yeah, but I do, I did, the part that I stayed awake for, enjoy Dune and I like his vibe. Dude, MJ, you're going to love it. You really are. If you end up watching this. You got to start doing a series of movie reviews where it's like movie, snooze, snooze movie reviews where you only catch like a portion of a thing and then try to like give it your best, you know, attempt at a review based on what you saw.

And then that can be part of it. Then you try to predict what happens and the rest of it, you know, that's a segment on your review podcast. It's a good idea. It would have been a very MJ review because I was like, I don't want to watch this. I hate sci-fi.

But then we started watching it. Gidey must have been thrilled. Gideon who loves, you know, sci-fi, all these things. We have opposite interests in terms of what we want to watch. Like, absolutely opposite. But I was like, okay, I'll watch it.

And I just have to remind myself that much of sci-fi is about, like, is like colonization stories. And of course, like, sci-fi actually is like very political. And like what, and I was like, oh, this is like a story about like an occupied territory. And so I actually did care about it a lot. And I like got pretty into it.

I didn't mean to fall asleep. I was planning on staying away. But so I actually did think the story as far as I got was interesting. But then I was like, well, I guess I fall asleep. I guess I will just never see Dune because Gideon finished it without me, which he doesn't usually do. But he was busy. He was about to go into this trial.

And so he was like, I need to. finish this now. Forgive me, I'm going to finish it if you fall asleep. But then he showed me that Dune 2 is coming out. And so now I have to watch the rest of Dune 1 by myself, I guess, or maybe with him, because I have to be prepared for Dune 2. We should try and do like a group watch. I'll watch it with you.

We'll watch it with you on the internet. Because this is the crazy part, I think I liked it enough to watch it again. Really? And it's two and a half hours long. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of Hotties. Oh, yeah. They keep rolling through.

Nobody told me Oscar Isaac could be there. They might as well just called this dick, dick, I don't even know why they would call it to. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. Where are the balls underneath the sand? I mean, what do we do it here?

That's the kind of sandworm I'm talking about. And again, I can't thirst for, I'm too old to thirst for Timothy Shalomey, but I'm not too old to thirst for Oscar Isaac. Oscar Isaac. more like Oscar Meyer Wiener, that guy is Johnson makes me want to fucking drive-for-the-beach. Don't you say he's an Oscar-Meyer-Weir.

Hot-Dog ambassador. If I'm going to be here screaming about something when I'm going to be screaming about is Chris Pratt being the damn voice of Garfield. And you know who I'm also? I thought you're going to give us hot dog candy canes. I thought that was the second way. I mean, sure we could also talk about the hot dog candy canes,

but I'm sorry. As I were having this conversation, I had pulled up, so one of the articles I'd sent, of course, was Chris Pratt is now also voicing Garfield for some reason, which is the headline. First comment underneath, I'm calling people out. Is Garfield really loved enough for people to have strong opinions about this? This seems fine. Fuck you. I'm also to say fuck you to the next person whose name is pigfucker.

And if Holden, you wrote this, I'm coming after you. Pigfucker says, I bet people who really love Garfield also love Chris Pratt. Fuck you, pig fucker. I hope the pig fucks you back. All right, let's let back this. I'm mad about it. First of all, I love this because they came after,

he comes after me with this fucking Mario thing. And now he came after Jackie with Garfield. Where's it coming after MJ for? It's going to be like Chris Pratt replaces Connor Oberst and bright eyes. Like, in the next, you know, 2033. He's going to play Gene Kelly at a biopic. This is.

It's like he's personally attacking it. It's like every celebrity's coming directly after us lately. Ouch, I feel hurt. Well, all right, so the voice of Garfield, too, has a hilarious lineage of everybody knows that Bill Murray ended up the voice of Garfield because he thought that the director was Joel Cohen of the Coen brothers. Yes. But it's a different Joel Cohen, which is the hilarious story behind that. Now it's Chris Bradford. I'm not arguing.

I love Garfield, the entity. We grew up, obsessed with Garfield. I have read every single Garfield comic multiple, multiple times. I am not, I'm not speaking for the movies here. But fuck you. I cannot stop laughing it. Fuck you, fucker. So funny, man.

I love that you're going to the comments to see what the pulse is. Yeah, baby. What the pulse is. I thought we were just complaining about how, you know, articles always just post. to post random comments from tweets. And now you're doing the same thing. You're going and reading pig fuck on page of the podcast. We don't look better than that guy.

We're better. We're more established than that. We don't need to read, you know what I mean? And so, yeah, just don't worry. But, you know, just wipe the dust off. I mean, I think people care about Garfield. I was so angry about it. And it was just very funny whenever, like,

Jeff is a very positive human being. And he really was just like, I understand you being really angry about Super Mario. Like I understand like he shouldn't be Mario. But I really actually don't understand why you're so angry about Garfield. And the look I gave him could have turned

the deserts into water and maybe take me out there if that's what you need. Yeah. Because the problem is is that if Andy Dwyer did the voice I'd be fine with it. Right. But Chris Pratt

shouldn't do the voice. I'm not saying I'm sure he can do it. And I do understand if we're going to rate the anger about him voicing characters, I feel as a community we should probably be more upset about Super Mario. But this is just, it's just too far. It's just going too far. There's so many amazing voice actors out there. There's so many people, can we just, I feel like it is, I'm going to say it.

It's representative of the fact that we got to keep all these super celebrities of like, no, he's got to do it, he's got to do all of them. Why? when other people can do it and maybe they just want the hate hype? Who would you want? I don't fucking know I'll do it. I just don't want him to do it.

What is the, all right, so do you also, do you base that voice on the original animated show? This is the mad. I mean, I do kind of like that voice. Honestly, I think of the Garfield Halloween adventure. I want that person to do it, and I don't know if that person is still alive, and I'm going to say maybe he's not.

Yeah. I'd say give him a cockney accent But I don't know if I want to hear Chris Pratt You know, do anything these days Put him away He needs to go away for a little while You know what I mean? He's coming after us

He's getting us read the Bible I mean, come on people Let's take a break from old Pat Patrick Did you guys see the really creepy Instagram post he had about his world? Yeah, tell me about it. I'm trying to bring it up right now So I can read it

So I'm going to do a dramatic reading So this is a picture of his wife looking at him, and he's looking at the camera smiling. And the caption is on Instagram. The caption is, guys, for real, look how she's looking at me. I mean, find you somebody that looks at you like that. Exclamation point, exclamation point. You know, we met in church. She's given me an amazing life, gorgeous, healthy daughter.

She chew so loudly that sometimes I put in my earbuds to drown it out, but that's love. She helps me with everything. In return periodically, I open a jar of pickles. That's the trade. Her heart is pure and it belongs to me. It's creepy. It's like some of it you're like, okay, oh fun, yeah, pickles, chewing, loud chewing, ha ha, she belongs to me.

Also, Amber Nelson, a L-LPN liked it. Is that fun? I just think it is weird to say, I don't, I just can't with the two of them. I think that I just have bad feelings that I feel like that he's evil. Yeah, I just, it's just like somebody else, Oscar Isaac, for example, could probably write that exact same caption and it wouldn't skees me out, but there's something about like everything we know about him that, where it's just like,

ugh, you have bad energy. It's big bad energy. She also has that big smile, but those sad eyes. Yes. You know what I mean? She's got, it tells, it gives the eyes of a Kennedy. But that's some, it also might. the way, Lorenzo Music is the name of the man that voiced Garfield for all of the Garfield

that we think of. And he's the co-creator of the Bob Newhart show. He was a writer and a performer on the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. No shit. He was a person that worked in, like he is a staple of comedy who was also doing the voice for Garfield. Now, I understand that Chris Pratt is a silly man. but let him be his, what is it, Captain, Captain Big Pants, what's his fucking name?

I don't even know. With the raccoon! From the Cardiase of the Galaxy. Yeah, I don't know what it is. Hold on, hold on this is you. What's his name? Isn't it just rocket? No, that the raccoon.

His, the man. Oh, Star Lord. Yeah, Star Lord? Star Lord. No, is his name really Star Lord? Yes. Ugh. I mean, it's kind of a joke because he's sort of a joke,

dubbed him, the character dubs himself Star Lord and it's like a whole running joke, but yes, his character name is Star Lord. I love that you didn't believe me it. I thought you're making it up. Holden thing because that is such a made up holding thing. I thought you're making me up. But it's not, it's actually the name.

No, look up the gas for his proud of Star-Lord. I think that he fits that more. There's like, there's, there's a special kind of disappointment that comes with a celebrity where you start off like loving them, rooting for them. Like Andy Dwyer is such a great character. He's so funny, you know,

like so many people like really identified with him. And even thinking about like the first Guardians of the Galaxy, I was like, yeah, Chris Pratt, you're fun, you know? And there's like a special kind of disappointment where it's just like layer after layer is peeled away and you realize that like at the core of this person who you thought you could like have a fun romp identifying with is like actually like a piece of shit, you know? It's sad.

And I know that. Yeah. I apologize. It's like we're supposed to like, not have, you know, project our own feelings onto celebrities or whatever and just like let them live. But I feel like that's what happened with Chris Pratt. It's just like, everyone was like, you're like a nice normal guy. And then it's like, you're actually bad. And it's like, oh, you're actually like quite bad, you know. Yes. And I also then realize I think that

Kevin Smith should be the voice of Garfield. I think it needs to be someone that embodies the, like, rather than like, if you think about Garfield, I'm thinking about someone that is that character. of whom, like, that Chris Pratt was set up in our society to be the big lovable doof. And he's not, and that's okay because he's human being, but he shouldn't be Garfield. Yeah, you're right. It should be somebody who loves lasagna,

somebody who hates Mondays, somebody who is a laze about. Who's like, and that's why Bill Murray kind of actually does technically work as. He really does. Great. Extremely good. Just unfortunately, like, it wasn't a good, you know, project to be a part of it, per se.

But still, I do think that it's got to be, yeah, this very kind of lovable lays about, right? Maybe someone who's big and huge and fat, too. Sure. Or just someone that is just like understatement where I feel like Kevin Smith, who's lost a bunch of the weight, like knows the life of leading that. Of the lasagna eater. And that's the thing. Pratt has been ripped, shredded for way too long. He doesn't remember what it was like.

You kind of lose it. his cheap meal is like a head of lettuce. I mean, it's unbelievable. I mean, I say, you know, good for him. For sure when it comes to that and the fact that he's kept it off and kept, but, you know, Disney pays for him to keep it off. But, you know, who pays Mariah Carey to put out threatening videos about the Christmas season? I don't know. It does.

It feels like in a front, you know, I mean, people really do complain about how the holiday season. The Christmas season now starts in November 1 and as a bad thing. It is kind of funny that she is literally. smashing pumpkins with a giant candy cane with the song and the song has to be there too as at first I was like oh she's just doing that that's one thing but then to just force the song on us like from the get go and at the same time I'm like

yeah of course you fucking love it you make like a million dollars every Christmas year it's her money season yeah Christmas time guys we're like give us a week give us two weeks let us but no she's the gatekeeper of Christmas she's the every fucking year now she's like not yet Not yet. Now.

And it's like, okay, fine. But who literally made you the in charge of Christmas? You might have a song that everybody likes, but you are not the god of Christmas. That God is Jesus Christ. Whoa.

M.J. This episode, by the way, Chris Pratt. Throw him in a garbage can of corn, MJ. You've got Mariah Carey's on the bad list. Who do you like these days, M.J.?

Listen, I have learned to love I love Mariah Carey, thanks to you people on this show. Love her. I am not a large fan of all I want for Christmas. And I watched her special last year. I've tried. She's fine. I just don't love that she is the one

who declares wedded Christmas season. If I want to start... Who wasn't it going to be a groundhog? I mean, somebody's got to do it. So if you guys have not seen it, please check out. Mariah Carey made this video where you hear the...

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Like the very beginning of all I'm for Christmas is you. You see the heel come out. She comes out in a big Christmas outfit with a huge candy cane with carved jackal lanterns on the stoop that say, it's not time, and she smashes them with her candy cane. And you know what I think the difference? I was just looking at, you know, the good, neutral evil, like the lawful, like that chart. I think the difference is, is that I see Mariah Carey as chaotic good, and I see Chris Pratt as lawful evil. And I think that that is what, like, how I distinguish, like, I love this kind of, like, oh, I'm so serious not to bring up the Joker again.

Oh, you're trapped in here with me, Jackie. I do feel that way about Mariah Carey. We're all trapped in Mariah's world. And... Yeah, once Christmas hits, we're trapped in Christmas with Mariah Carey. Brian Carrey's not trapped in Christmas with us. We watch Crampus again, but think about Crampus as Mariah Carey. I think that it works.

And she's just got to come. She's got to clean up all the evil that doesn't like Christmas. Or how dare you if you and or your religion doesn't celebrate Christmas? But, which I think is evil in a different kind of way. But I think it's so. It's bat shit how she lives her life. And please check out, if you guys haven't, the Mariah Carey pop history, the multiple episodes that we did in Mariah Carey. If you're like, you know what, I'd like to know why.

Jackie's so obsessed with Mariah Carey. If you listen to that, then come talk to me of just talk about she has been a diva from the day she was born. And every revelation about her is better than the last. My favorite of the most recent revelations is Christmas related that she waits until after everything is done. And then she takes all of her presents into a private room and opens them in its completely. alone, like at the end of all of it. That's great. I love that.

It's so bizarre to me. No, but Holden, you have talked about how you hate when everyone watches you open a present. Yeah. Every time you go around. Oh, my God. Well, I've complained so much about the ritual of, I miss the day when you just run down the stairs. Just like, they wouldn't even wrap the shit because they knew it was just going to be a fucking tornado going through there. So you just run down.

I can't believe my shit I got. Yeah, fuck yeah. Whereas now, all of a sudden that became, okay, is it time? Okay, hold it, you open your first one, and then we're going to meticulously go around the room. Here, do you have the trash bag? Got a half the trash bag. It immediately puts the ragged paper into the trash bag as soon as it's taken off and delicately

take it off as if you're going to reuse it and then crinkle it up and put it in the trash band like a fucking bunch of psychos. I am so excited to like not do that. with my own little unit. You know what I mean? It's going to just be chaos, open season. Let's fucking open some shit. Now fast quickly.

Or do like Mariah and do it by yourself. I think I would love that. And I also listen and pro, I just want to be clear, I might not have once been like a Christmas starts on November 1st person, but if anything, maybe it was before the pandemic, but definitely since the pandemic. Listen, we need to squeeze every ounce of fucking joy

and serotonin we can out of these rituals and if these rituals mean something to you then fucking start whenever you fucking want I do not care. I'm like, I already want to put shit up in my house and I won't because I have to consider the other feelings of the people in my house in terms of when it's okay to put up holiday stuff.

Now you're chaotic good. I like it. I do think that Christmas should be extended at least into mid-November, if not. Yeah, if not. I mean, to me Christmas starts when I see Santa at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade while I'm drunk as fuck, drunk as a skunk

watching it over Twitch with Jackie. That is my signifier. Sucking on our hamdy canes. Now, I know that you wanted to bring up the hot dog candy canes earlier, but the words hamdy canes are, I think, some of my, like, I wish that that was my, like, I want that to be my stripping name. Hamdy cane, I think, is really, really,

identify with that. Man, if you... Break it down. Jackie sent us this story with the link and her only explanation was, we're not going to not talk about it. And I was like, did some big celebrity thing happen that I forgot?

Because every week, it's like, well, we've got to talk about or we're not going to talk about. There's usually like a thing we all know what it is. And I was like, what is this? I don't know what it is. And it was hot dog flavor candy. Hot dog flavor candy cans.

And so what I do love is that, so the hamdy canes came out. years ago. And there was a YouTube video and I just love this line that someone took it out, took the ham decane out and said, it smells fatty.

And that is rough for candy cane. If you smell it, you say it smells fatty. It's so, I love to that it's like, why would people buy these in the article? It's like to fuck with their friends and family. Of course.

That is why people buy these. Yeah. 100% because they do look legitimately. It looks like regular candy candy. It makes me think about those Harry Potter jelly beans that tastes like vomit. Oh, we had those. They had like, booger ones, bro.

Yeah, I can't. You guys know how we feel about April Fool's Day here, all right? We turned it into a whole very upsetting holiday instead, just so that I wouldn't be given a ham d cane. And I don't think that's a crazy thing to think. Are you already thinking about your things, Holden? It's coming up, April Real's Day.

Oh, yeah. It's not coming up. What's not? We got to start thinking about it now, MJ. No, it's got, it's about half a year away. That's when he really started to have to take inventory. It's not time, Jackie. It's not time for April real thing.

It is not time. Have you had a Hamdi Kaine and would you if you haven't? I would, but the problem is they're all sold out. I can't find them. All of them are sold out. I would try a hot dog one. I would throw up before trying a Shataki mushroom. candy can that that makes me want to die um but everything else i'm like it would not be right

it like it would never just like be feel right but i would i don't think i'd mind it i'd fuck with a pickle stick you give me a pickle stick i suck on a hundred pickle stick yeah i'll suck on a pickle stick i'll do it in front of your family i don't care oh my god yeah i would definitely then you guys will both look like ariana grande just staring at the hamdy canes and sucking on them just looking at um wow look at the way that guy with it can't Candy cane in his mouth looks at that other guy. That other guy was having a huge... Oh, unbelievable.

But, I mean, I don't know. I guess I don't... I do believe in these candy canes, but I don't know if I believe in something else. I know what you're trying to do right now, but I'm going to let you... You already cut it off. You already knew what I was going to do,

so... So I'm just going to be like, what do you believe? I'm not even dangling anymore. Almost as if there's a conspiracy. To be a dangling can. Partisifle? I'm pretty sure there's not a conspiracy, but anyways, what else is going on?

No, no, yes, it's time. It's time for celebrity conspiracy. Hit me with this year. Do you believe it? Was John Mullaney and Anne-Marie and Marie Tindler's marriage actually broken up by Timothy Shalaby? What?

Yes, yes. Give it to me. This one comes in from Sarah, who says, justice for Olivia Munn? Because who really broke up John Malaney and Anne-Marie's marriage. LeBlind, according to Des Mois, Blindpost, an artist and comedian's wife who just

went through a very public separation and divorce recently hooked up with the man her ex made jokes about her being in love with. The evidence, Exhibit A. Let's set the scene by backtracking to 2018 when Malaney brought up Chalame for the first time during his opening monologue in the Independent Spirit Awards, saying, you know who's like in love with Tim and Thim and Thay Shalame, my wife. He again joked during a Netflix special titled Hilarity for Charity released in 2018. My wife is in love with this Timothy Shalameh, son of a bitch. We know that Shalamay knew about the jokes because when asked about it by fans on Twitter, he responded with the most Shalamay tweet ever. Yes, I watched it from the gas station. Could it be that

Chalemay's interest is peaked by Tindler's crush on him? Exhibit B. Jomelanis B. F and also and also a very close friend of Anne-Marie Tindler is who? Pete Davidson. Who else? By the way, how do I know how to fucking pick these experiences theories? By the motherfucking way, dude, I'm a professional fuckface. You are. You are a professional fuckface and everybody knows it. Who else is friends with Davidson? Timothy Shalame. Apparently Davidson and Shalemate first became pals after meeting at the birthday party of mutual friend and rapper Kid Kudy. The pair, Cuddy, whatever, okay? The pair recently really clicked as friends,

when Chalime hosted SNL in December of 2020, the pair joked during the opening monologue about they're both being from Queens. Davidson has since acknowledged that the two are friends by saying it's annoying because he's really attractive and talented. Usually you're only allowed one. I'd watch that tape.

And I don't know which one it is. It is more than likely that Davidson could have set his longtime friend, Tyndler, up with her crush. Also, after parties and stuff, look, the evidence speaks for itself here. Exhibit C. Tindler began a graduate program and costume studies in NYU

Steinhart in 2018. Who else acted and studied at NYU at the same time? Whoa. All caps, Shalameh. Meaning that if they didn't actually meet the, they definitely did have at least one friend slash classmates slash professor in common that could have connected them.

Exhibit D as in dick, as a big, fat, fucking dick. Another friend of Tindler and Malaney and efficient of their wedding is the one and only, Mr. Dan Levy. And one time Levy and Chalamay were seen at the Tribeca Film Festival only minutes apart. So I don't know what that means, but I wanted to include it, okay? Plot twist. I obviously really had to stretch to make some of these pieces fit.

But I just so want Tyneller to be with her crush because I think she is actually a really cool artist in person. And while I have always loved John Malaney, he strikes me as sort of a typical sad boy who has some problematic tendencies that he's really leaning into right now. My new theory is that John Malaney sabotaged his own marriage and Timothy swooped in just in time for Tyndler to say, I'm in for a good time with you, but also I've got art to make, so don't tie me down. She just seems like she'd be that kind of badass hashtag Tinder stands.

Hashtag Team Tinder. Oh my God, I felt like I was on the circle for a half a second. For a half, just like Circle sin. Circle sin. Circle send. So dot, dot, dot, do you believe? Sidebar. Sidebar.

Researching for this conspiracy just proved to me that there are only like 55 people in all of show business. That's exactly what I'm just saying. And the rest make up your blind items. P.S., I hope you know that we, the fans of page seven, gush with our friends about your wins and love stories as much as you gush about your fave celebs. This show will be what we talk about in our rewind apps in 20 years.

So much love to you all. That was so sweet. I almost just burst into tears. Thank you so, thank you so much, Sarah. So what do you guys think? Also, I love the idea that half of the world is, LPN Universe because Amber just liked that Instagram post to be all left. I love that Amber liked that.

So weird. Why would you like sometimes? I don't know about you, but sometimes like I never like anything. I'm like, oh shit, the algorithms and I'll just start liking things because I forget. Because I just look at things and I forget that I'm supposed to

I forget to like it. I love to like a celebrity post. I do. I mean, I know Garter posts, I like it. You know, Martha Stewart put me there. Sometimes I take a screenshot of a, if there's a celebrity post that I see Jackie has liked,

sometimes I take a screenshot and I say it to her. Or when a friend like obviously put a lot of effort in something and I keep scrolling and then I go and I scroll back up and I give it a like. You had to do it. I believe though, you did a great job researching this by the night.

Sarah did. Oh, I know you didn't do it. I was talking to Sarah. I... Pigfucker will strike again. This time pig fucker is going to fuck a you're the pig fucker. You're the pig fucker now, dog.

And it is very, very... upsetting. I can't believe you just, you pretend to be pig fucker on the internet because you're scared of your opinions in front of me. Pig fucker. Yeah, well, I was bullied a lot as a youth, as an inner city youth. So now I take it out on people online, including Garfield, uh, apologists. And Timothy. See, my problem is that I was like, I also believe, by the way. Thank you. I feel like, I at first, I was like, I don't know if I do believe because it was like, in my brain, you know, I think that it is, it is a symptom of getting older. I still assume Timothy is like, 18 or 19 years old.

Like, Jackie, he is 25 years old. He is a full grade. He's about to be 26. He is not that young anymore, but I haven't switched it in my brain yet. So I'm like, I don't know if he would. He's 18 years old. He's too young to date that older woman. He turns out.

Yeah. No, I think it's great. And I also want it to be true because I want her to be getting it as much as millennia is. You know, they're both hot, talented people who I guess, you know, are no longer married and therefore deserve to fuck other hot, talented people. Hot, wet, lust.

Back to you, Jackie. I'll speak. All right, can you not have an O in the middle of our podcast recording. It's not my fault. I was reading Midnight's Sun before we did this and then, and that now Midnight Sun's getting me all weird and Jackie horny and I don't know what

to do with myself. I'm living inside the brain of an 84-year-old vampire. But check it out over on our Patreon because now I'm inside of Edward's brain. But first, Before you listen to that, you've got to listen to the list. Oh, who's on the list? Me!

Jackie, you got to have that list. Celebrities who suffer from truly odd phobias. Now, some of these on here, we already know, like Adam Driver, who can't stand watching or listening to his own performances, we know that. And I had heard this, but I was actually surprised that Jody Foster has a fear of cats because a lion nearly killed her once. It happened on the set of 1972's Napoleon and Samantha when she was eight years old. The lion even took her in its jaws and shook her.

So I would probably, I don't know if I would necessarily be scared of household cats at that point, or maybe they just remind you of the lion incident, but it does sound very scary. That is sad because, you know, to me, one of the best things about seeing big cats is thinking like, oh, you're just like a little cat, but big. But for her, the opposite. She sees a little cat. You're just like a big cat, but little. I mean, they are fuckers.

Like Garfield. How dare you? Famously. Pig fucker. Yeah, that is what a pig fucker would say. See, I was thinking of the movie Roar, but I was confusing Jody Foster with Melanie Griffith and Tippy Hedron, which is the movie that I've definitely talked about on here before,

where at least 70 people were injured during the shooting. But that we need to do, I need to do a whole episode on Roar because it is one of the most bat-shit movies I've ever seen. But speaking of that bat-shit, did you guys know that Billy Bob Thornton is somehow afraid of pieces of antique furniture? Um, apparently it was kind of a problem on the love actually set

when Hugh Grant would point out antique furniture to him, making him freak out. What? Is he think it's like haunted maybe or something? Or, um, I just feel like, why do I just feel like he's the kind of guy who's just like, look at me, I'm so interesting. I have all these interesting things about me.

Totally. This dumb thing, right? It's like either totally fake and he's just like, I think that this is like an interesting thing to say or he was like trapped in a scary neighbor's house when he was a child or something. You know, I feel like those are the two options. It could be.

I mean, he did try to sleep with my sister-in-law in front of my brother. So, you know, didn't care. Didn't care that. Henry kept saying, this is my wife. But don't worry, Natalie is a fearsome woman. But what about Dame Judy Dench? I think I share this fear has a terrible fear of school children gathered together.

And I think that's called living in New York. Is that just normal? Anybody rides the subway in New York. They see the kids come on on a field trip, especially if they're middle schoolers and everyone's like, these children are going to drag me. Yeah, or if you work at a bakery and you work from 5.30 in the morning until 2.30,

which is when the high school would get out that you lived right next to. So the bus was filled with them. And you just are always waiting for somebody to get their fucking brains smashed in because it was just scary. But what is James? I've always had a terrible fear of a lot of school children together. I don't know why, but I just have. Are the exact words you know.

Because they're wild animals. Because they're fucking crazy. Especially, yeah, like you said, when they're just like in transit, therefore no one's actually watching them for this like one little period of time. So they just go nuts. One time I was on the train and a group of middle schoolers came on and like everyone on the train like audibly like side and rolled their eyes and was like so stressed out. And I was like, you know, like reading my book on my phone or whatever. I wanted the middle schoolers goes, hey, Miss Molly. And it was my middle schoolers.

Oh my God. And what did you do? And I had to like, I was just like, hey, what's up? What field trip are you coming from? Like thankfully we like weren't that far from where I was going to their school where they were also going home to. But it was just funny to be like everyone else on the train. hates these kids. And I was like, hey, they're my kid! See, then it's mine. If they are ones that you know and like they are around someone they respect, then I'm not as scared. But when they're all

alone, especially middle schoolers, they're very scared. They're because they're very funny. That's the problem is that they are very funny and skilled at making fun of people. And they don't usually target strangers, but they might, you know, so you never know. They could turn it on you. And then I did come back to like my bullying years where like, I immediately, want to say something like, oh, you want me to eviscerate you verbally? Because I can. But then it's like, Jackie, you're not 13. You don't need to act like this.

But also, someone should tell Chloe Kardashian not to act like this, really tries to avoid one part of the body, the belly button. She says, I hate belly buttons. You can't touch mine and I don't want to touch yours. Who's going around touching fucking belly buttons? It's the same thing with the black hair issue. I'm like, who the fuck wants to put their head? and someone's air.

That's insane to me. And yet it's apparently it happens all the time. I mean, when do we, you know, maybe lovers would be like, I'll touch your belly butt, you touch my, but that would make, I'd be like, get out of my bed. I'm fucking want to throw up right now with this cutesy shit. I want to, you know what I mean? We're touching one thing, one thing only. That's our fucking.

Oh, so only, Genetelli that you won't allow a partner to touch any other part of your body. Look, one thing I agree with when it comes to the Orthodox Jews is the whole one. I get it. All right. brilliant development. It is just a way to have a glory hole in the marriage.

And I think it's great. Well, at least I know what to get you. I'll touch it one thing and one. I will get you that for your birthday this year, Holden.

And something we won't get for Kristen Bell are pruny fingers because Kristen Bell will go to great lengths to avoid touching people with pruny fingers. She says she doesn't

want her fingers to get wet. She wears gloves in the pool. In the pool. That way she doesn't have to touch people with wringly fingertips. And that's our

Are they going to get wrinkly? Like, I have had, like, as someone that, like, I worked as a maid for a while when you put the rubber gloves on, like, they still get wrinkly inside, like, if you're working a lot. They get more wrinkly, right? Yeah, right? Yeah, actually, by wearing gloves, first of all, so that's stupid. Second of all, I guess she's just going to hate being old for the whole time.

Like, you got to get used to that. I mean, the first thing that gets all crickle-crankled is the hands, I believe, once you start aging. And, yeah, you got to, you're taking one sensory pleasure at a concedure. of another. The sensory pleasure of water costs you slightly wrinkled fingers. Like, that's fine. Yeah. And like, I mean, it's fine with me. It's like dehydration too, right? So it's like, I just, it's a whole, it's a whole thing. Last but not least, Kylie Jenner has a particularly odd phobia of a cup that's full of dust. She says, I don't know why. It's like one of my

pet these is when there's a lot of dust in a cup and it's getting in my system. So, How do you feel about dust in a cup? That's even crazier than the belly button thing. Like who the fuck has a cup full of dust? I'm picturing like a cup full of water. It's full of dust. I think she just means like maybe like a little bit of dust inside of a cup that hasn't been used in a while that like you just wash out. But I do think it's very funny to say that it's a phobia because I don't know if that means it's a phobia, right?

It sounds like she's afraid of her maid not cleaning her. her shit enough or frequently enough. That's what it sounds like to me, because dust happens, bitch. Dust happens, bitch. But a cup of it, who's collecting it in a cup? Yeah, I mean, obviously, yeah. MJ killing it today.

Dust happens, dude. Come on. You dust ass, bitch. I'm in that's made list. And I can see, I think I'm going. Lined. items. Oh, we can't see them. This A-list mostly movie actor knows nothing about the company that is paying him a ridiculous amount of money to endorse it.

Perhaps he should have looked at all the customer reviews in lawsuits calling it a scam prior to taking their money and telling everyone how wonderful it is. He may have to hunt for some goodwill after this. Ben Affleck? Nope. Matt Damon. Yeah. What does he do? How did you get it?

It's this fortune favors the brave ad campaign led by crypto.com. That's right. Another fucking cryptocurrency nightmare. The 60-second commercial features Damon taking viewers on a historical journey of brave men and women who have made a difference in the world in the hopes of inspiring people to, quote, be their bravest selves. This campaign intends to formally introduce the platform aimed to accelerate the world's transition to cryptocurrency to consumers around the world and will launch on TV.

during Thursday night football on Fox Sports, eventually running in more than 20 countries. That's right. I really hope this crypto nightmare goes away. I know that this is probably like my boomer-east take, but I do fucking hate the whole crypto NFT thing. It's just so eye-roly and annoying. They're doing the same thing with McRibs right now.

They're selling McRibb NFTs right now. Weird, yeah. This is definitely me a boomer. I'm like, I'll never understand this. I don't want to understand it. I'm not going to track. I do understand it. It just annoys that.

the piss out of me because it's just like making graphic cards harder to fucking fine. You just want your PS5. Yeah, I just want my fucking PS5. Anyways, which I still haven't gotten. It's been out of a year. It's been out. I've unbelievable.

I've never heard of this before. I can't believe I live in a world where a massively popular game console. It's just impossible to just go to the store by. I know you're very upset about this, but doesn't make you happy to know that Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson had dinner on Staten Island last night?

Dude, that's where he lives. I know, bro. Maybe I'm wrong. Wow. Dude, they're totally fucking. I wonder if fucking... Can you imagine? Okay, as someone, I come from Staten Island.

I also... My family's from Staten Island. I know Staten Island. Can you imagine Kim Kardashian on Staten Island? I love it. Everybody can be like, hey, that's Kim Kardashian. Oh, shit. Look at his...

Hey, show me your text! Oh, yeah. It just looked like I thought they would based on the tape. I saw the tape. I found the tape. My people. Guys, Maron. But Kanye is going to be so, wouldn't you be so insulted?

You're like, I am a god. In addition to him thinking he's a god, even if you take that off. Like, I am a genius. I am like the most rich, famous rapper, most talented. This guy. And then this fucking guy who sits in the back of class, like smelling like weed. How do we, by the way? How did we get here?

Because I just want to say, I should probably start, like, gambling on stuff. I'm so good of predicting stuff. Are you ready for the next blind? Oh, my God. This illiterate A-list reality starts hiding her boyfriend. It isn't so much that she doesn't want the public to know. She just doesn't want her ex to discover it because then he will maybe say slash do things she doesn't want him to until after everything is settled. It's Kim.

How the fuck did we end up on this? Yeah. It's given Kanye because they are still business partners as he has a huge stake in her skims line. And they've even talked about how they're like maintaining their business partnership for now through the divorce and everything. But there are even also rumors that they were maybe rethinking the divorce. So anyways, that's so, I don't even know, that's so bizarre that we ended up on that. Oh, because you sell the breaking news. I think really what it is is that they have insane, amazing publicists.

So they have whatever they want to have to make them all. always be, at least one of them, is always in the top five headlines. It's crazy. It's incredible. And if you really think about pop culture and how all celebrities have people that they pay to make sure that these things are released, it really is nuts. It's wild. But it also is, I love it. So, yeah, and that's, by the way, this blind is alleging Pete Davidson full on Kim, Kim's B.F.

this Staten Island news. I mean, come on, she's probably meeting Mama or something. You know what I mean? Is his mom still alive? I don't know. All I can think of is my cousin Vinnie. I can't think of her name right now. Hot. Marissa Tome.

Did you guys see, did you guys watch the Staten of the King of Staten Island? I actually enjoyed it. I need to see it. I need to see it. Because, yeah, people really liked it. I didn't. Really did. But I think I would probably enjoy it. I got no problem with Pete Davidson. I think he's fine.

It did change how I feel about Pete Day. Like I used to just be like, I know he's an asshole. We all know he's an asshole. But it did. And I know that this is exactly what he was probably trying to do with it. But I really did enjoy it.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Well, all right. The final blind of the day. This is a fun one. A story about this recently deceased comics comic. A while back, he started telling a few jokes in his act about this A-list,

big box office actor with a weird personal life. Super weird, according to this podcast as of late. And no uncertain terms, he was warned to stop doing this by many powerful people. And at one point, a dead animal was dumped at his front door as a warning. He stopped the comics, stopped doing the material about the weirdo celebrity. But what he started doing once a month for a couple years was anonymously mailing a collection of phallic sexual aids to the A-plus actor. The actor never figured out who was doing this.

Is it Norm McDonald's and Tom Cruise? Yeah. Whoa. Isn't that fun? And that's just a fun little anecdote. So I guess he was threatened. He was doing just material about Tom Cruise and disparaging material. And then they warned him to stop.

And then a dead animal was dumped on his front door at one point. Oh my God. Probably. So yeah, I didn't say what kind of dead animal? A fucked fish with cum all inside it. With his own cummys inside it. And then so Norr McDonald, apparently, according to this story, allegedly, stopped doing the material,

but also started just mailing all sorts of phallic sexually. To Tom Cruise, and Tom Cruise never figured out who was mailing in these, I guess, dildos and things like that. Isn't that fun? I hope that's true. I love that. I know, right? That's just a fun little tale of yore to close out.

So that's a fun one, man. Those are the blind items. I can totally see again. and I see that we are in November. I cannot believe it. The holidays are here, and I'm ready for it because as soon as the holiday's come and go,

I get that much closer to having a six-month-old, which I'm told is easier than the current situation. Much easier. Six-month-olds are awesome. I know. I should have had a baby.

Next time I'm making it happen. If we do this again, I'm definitely going to make sure we have a baby in January or February so that by the hot time you get to, the holidays. Hey, we can party. Hey, Matza. You know what I mean? We can party. My kid is, my oldest is three and we're just getting to the point where she really gets holidays this year are so fun. Hell yeah. Right? But the two-year-old is like,

okay, I guess I'll dress as a giraffe. Like she doesn't really know. And you're just like, yeah, you'll dress the draft. What are you a stupid idiot? It's Halloween. I can't wait to talk to my daughter. This is pig fucker. But before we get into pig fucking, it's time for Shoutouts. Shouts. Shout. Shout. Let it all out.

Okay. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We'll read it to you. Come on. And I just want to thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts. And shoutouts can be sent to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. That is page 7 podcast.

7 the number at gmail.com, and I love you guys, and thank you so much. You always make me smile, and I love you, I love you. And my first, I love you, goes out to Michaela. And Michaela, thank you so, so much for the kind words. And beyond, thank you for the self-shout. Number one, you are a badass. And I loved your costumes. And please send me good wedding, juju.

I'm going to need it. Michaela says, I got married on October 23, 2021, and God damn, it was perfect. After a nightmare of a year of planning, I'm a married woman. We had just about every problem you could think of while planning, including my custom dress from Israel coming in wrong two months before the wedding and my dad passing away a month before. But it all worked out, and I'm so lucky to have my amazing husband. Much love, Michaela, and thank you so much, Michaela.

and I'm so sorry about what you had to go through before your wedding, but I'm so happy that you did it, and it's done. What is it like? Tell me what it's like, Michaela. I love you. But also, we have Cardi B's birthday up in the house. No, not Cardi B. I'm saying Cartybee, the OG.

And this week, they turned 30, and they sent in a proper Chris Jenner slash Kardashian-Hourthewrithy shout out. She loves LA. She loves it. Oh, God, guys, always please look up the Chris Jenner birthday video. Always makes me smile. Anyway, Cardi B says, I truly am the very best wife, mother of fur babies, sister, Scorpio, Auntie Defer Babies, daughter, and friend in the world.

And they are all so lucky to know me. And Cardi, I'll tell Kissel what you said, but you best make sure your husband is actually down, because your girl could definitely make that happen. I love you. Happy birthday. And also beautiful Rebecca, I'm so glad you found us at last. We're a little late for Brooke's birthday, but Brokerp, I hope you will forgive us. And Brooke is getting a belated, although engorged with love.

Birthday shout out! And Rebecca, you're making me cry with this message. Brooke, Rebecca says, Happy birthday, Brooke! You deserve so much. much. Ask for so little and give all that you can to the people around you. I admire

the way you are able to empathize with and care for others without compromising your self-worth or identity. God damn, you're amazing. Your confidence and compassion are what make you so special. You're gorgeous, total babe. And still the most attractive

thing about you is the way you treat people. That's saying something too, because that ass! Please never stop sharing the inside of your beautiful brain with me. I love it there. Trash people, best friends, and partners for life, Reby. Oh my God. Can I be friends with you guys too? I love you guys. And happy birthday, Brooke. And also, okay, Megan did it first. But here comes sister Kelsey bringing in the rear. I meant like horses, not like making kiss. But,

Cope and Megan, your sister's absolutely adorable. And please ask her about the emails. She sent in. Megan, Kelsey wants to wish you a happy birthday and says, Thank you, Megan, for the treat yourself Saturday winners shopping. Thanks for helping me roast our entire families at get-togethers and shady Snapchat convoes. Thanks for being the person I call when I need to spill my fucking guts. Thanks for always being there for me when everything is too much. I'm so fucking proud of the woman you've become and all the fucking bullshit you've had to fight through the past few years. I'm so proud of you for seeing your red seal through.

Megan is an auto body journeyman. She finished all her schooling and has been throwing hands at them gender norms for over 10 years now. Hell yes. Meg is the best. She's kind and funny and beautiful and the best friend anyone wishes they could have. I love you one million and I hope the last year of your 20s is the best one yet. I love you, Bo. And I hope you guys have an amazing time this. weekend. I kiss you, I kiss you. Please send me pictures. And we have another November 6th birthday coming at you. And this time it's Torias. Toria says, my name is Doria and I've been a listener for a couple of years now and I love you all so much. My birthday is November 6 and I'll be turning 29. I never thought I'd live this long, so I'm pretty excited. If there's any way he could do a shout

out to be extremely cheesy and tell my husband Justin I love him more than he loves. loves me. It's a long-standing bit we do where we try to show it as a fact who loves each other more, and that would be amazing. And Justin, she does love you the most. She used her own birthday shout-out to tell you how much she loves you. So I think I'm sorry. I think that she wins. And Dory even said to be like Jackie telling him would really put it to bed who wins a competition. I mean, she wins. Also, birthday, just birthday girl. I love you 100 million, Doria, and I hope that you have the best birthday. And Justin, I hope that you know what you got. Anyway, Sydney, thank you so much for sitting in yourself. Shout out! Because we are proud of you,

too. Bludge. I love hearing about all the amazing work y'all do. Sydney says, I created my own graphic design and illustration studio, crane and palette, three years ago. When I first started, I was working for myself while freelancing for other design studios, basically just to keep financially afloat. I specialize in fine art wedding stationery. Think custom. intricately illustrated wedding invitations and event signage. And in 2020, I thought I was going to have to walk away from my dream because the wedding industry got hit so hard by the pandemic. I was about a month away from having to completely shut my business down

and I'd worked so fucking hard to get where I was so I was absolutely devastated. Cut to today. Eight weeks ago, I quit my part-time design job and I'm working full-time for myself because my business has been absolutely crushing it. I'm about to open a studio space, hire my first employee, and buy a house with my sweetest honey, my fiancee Ken. I want to cry even just writing this. I can't believe I've made it here. I will continue to work my fine ass off to create unique and beautiful works of art for my clients. The success of my business has been one of the highlights of my life, but only second to the fact that I get to work with incredible people and bring their artistic visions to life. The coolest part is that I'm really only just getting started. I hope you know that some gorgeous wedding state,

Stationery has been created while listening to y'all talk about Tom Cruise fucking a fish. Oh my God, this makes me burst with a happiness. Yes. Please check out Crane and Pallet if you're looking for sick wedding stationery. Okay, Sydney, I'll call you for wedding invitations. I haven't started on anything yet, guys. I'm not going to think about that right now because I want to give an amazing shout out to one of our rider dies of our beautiful Twitch community.

That's my name B. Holden and I absolutely adore you and so does our Twitch community. And before I even get to her shoutout, just please check out Twitch.tv slash that's my name B. She's an amazing teacher and an amazing artist. Anyway, onto your shoutout B. First, I can't help but just say to the Twitch community that you and Holden have built have helped me develop my confidence, laugh hysterically and sometimes cry in a great way. All of you have contributed to my journey of self-love.

and made a beautiful environment for B to be B. I would also like to say thank you to my bestie and business partner, Claudia. You are the rock that holds down my loose balloon. Working with you brings me so much joy, and also, did you know that I once met Hozier? I would also like to thank Hale Persephone or Amy. They are so wise and can write the book on emotional vocabulary, a book I've been reading and learning a lot from.

Thank you for always knowing when I need to be checked on, even when I don't know myself. And last but absolutely not least, I want to thank Jasmine, who is I don't really play video games, who also is my producer as well. She saw potential in a silly little idea I had about trying to make the world a better place through cooking, laughing, and talking about our relationship with food and art. Now I've been able to donate almost $1,500 to eight different charities with her help. Thank you for all the hard work you put into dinner with Dolly. You are truly the best. And if you want to hang out with both B and my fine self, you can hang out on Twitch.tv slash

That's My Name B on November 14th where we will be raising money for an organization that I work with called My Friends Place. I love you guys so much. And again, that's November 14th. I'm going to push it again because you should totally come and hang out with us because B's the fucking best. I love you guys. I thank you guys so much for the shoutouts. You make me cry. and you make me so happy.

And again, you can send your shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com. And thank you for listening regardless of whether you're involved in the shoutouts, because we got to spread positivity, guys. We're here for each other, and we have an amazing community. I love y'all so fucking much. And thank you guys so much for sending in such amazing shoutouts. We love you, and I read every single one of them, and I can't thank you guys enough.

And I can't think my two co-hosts enough. for being such amazing goals. Fuck you, pig fucker. Yeah, whatever. Big fucker. Oh, yeah, Big W-W whatever to the two of you. And thank you guys for joining us on this. I hope the pig fucks you.

That was my other favorite. What you said. Still mad about it. Still seething with anger. And I hope that you guys are too. But I hope then you end up smiling. And we love you so much. My name is Jackie Sopraski.

You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. and you can come check us out on Fridays I hang out with Holden. And that's over on Holden's Twitch, and he's going to talk about that in a second. But right now I'm going to tell you about Twitch.tv forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie, where we talk about sex on Tuesdays. We talk about fashion on Thursdays.

And you should totally come hang out and totally check out our Patreon. Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast, where we are now, oh, I'm tits deep. I guess I'm only ankle deep into Edwards. brain. And you should come hang out with us. Hell yeah. And come hang out with us also on my Twitch. As Jackie just mentioned, Twitch.tv.tv, forward slash holdenators ho. I'm streaming Monday, Tuesday, Friday night. It's always crazy and we always have a good time. Check it out. Twitch.

TV, forward slash holdenators ho. And please, again, patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. It is just going to rock your socks off. You're going to be like, did I just have sex with this Patriot? Like, what I feel? progenous zones or whatever. So, yeah. That's what I say every time I even see it in my browser history. Yeah. Yeah, right.

I feel freshly fucked by a fucking pig. So check it out, you pigfuggers. Goet pager.com forward slash page 7 podcast. And that goes the same for our email. Page the number seven podcast at gmail.com. And, you know, obviously I've been using the celebrity conspiracies you're sitting in, blind items, everything. And, of course, the shoutouts are great.

Thank you so much. page 7 podcast at gmail.com. MJ, by the way, if you do have any issues with anything MJ said about Chris Pratt or about what was the other one that Garfield. I didn't say anything about Garfield. What was the other person that you threw? Oh, Brett Carey. That's MJKLCat on Instagram.

I am MJKLK on Instagram and I think that I think that I think that I think that I I ended up landing in Camp Kerry, though, because, you know, go to my Instagram. You'll see I'm going to be putting up Christmas decorations. Hell yeah, and I can't wait to see it. We love you guys, and we'll talk to you next week. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them.

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