Page 7 - Ep. 427: Meet Puke

Episode Date: December 2, 2021

This week we're gossin' 'bout a certain timely set of shoes, ghosts of friends with Christmas past, the evolution/unchanging beast that is Hallmark Christmas movies, how many tears we shed for the Norwegian Postal Service Santa ad, the unlikely team up of Mariah Carey and McDonald's, Keanu continuing to be Keanu, Rhianna's new National Hero status, Lindsay Lohan's engagement, more Kim and Pete news, the Kid Rock (NOT WEIRD AL) newest abomination 'Don't Tell Me How to Live', and in celeb conspiracy corner; Did Taylor Swift write Harry Potter fanfic!? Plus an (almost) killer list, them blinds, and THE SHOUTZ!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A roast as dark as the night. Perfect for fueling the crypted research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge! Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Springheel Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, re-bring you, Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans.

Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. Jingle, jangle, jingle, jangle, I think that there's some very poor people trying to buy some shoes. Oh, right. I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please. But why? It's Christmas Eve, and these shoes are just her size. Boo-do-do-do-do-go-do-do-da. Daddy says there's not much time.

Why? She's been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes and make a smile. I wanted to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight. She's going to. Spoiler alert, she's going to. She's going to fucking die, bro. I've been in the hospital, and I don't want anyone to put nice shoes on me when I'm in the hospital. I don't want that. I kind of rolled up.

They have like the roll up at the tip. Like I've been crushed by a house. That's how I want to be buried with a fake house on me and the rolled up shoes. The big old smile on her face. And she'll be clickety clacking, clickety clacking all the way to the grave. Yes, I do imagine that these shoes have tapped on them. Yeah. I'm imagining a lepricons shoes when I think of Christmas shoes.

Oh, hit out, take me to the grave. Yeah, I want to combine St. Patty's Day. everyone's favorite holiday with Christmas. That's a great idea. St. Patty meets St. Nick and they fuck. That's right. We're talking about it.

Ring it in the Christmas season. We are ready for it. I'm very excited because I made both Holden and MJ cry multiple times with the articles that I sent for today's episode. And you know what? I take that as a badge of honor for me. Thank you. Thank you.

A lot of weeping and it happened. in today's, this is our first holiday episode, and Jackie managed to find all the very moving, but also less moving content, which is this extremely moving Santa commercial we're going to talk about from Norway. And also, there's Mariah Carey. This episode has everything, honestly.

And it's just what I need, because it's been a hard week. And what I need is to crack. It's got meatball crocs. Meatball crocs. Oh my God, if Snooky did a crossover with crocs. Now, that is a collab. I could believe in, do a little drunk meatball crocs. I would buy those.

It's like Gumba Crocs and it's like a weird crossover with Nintendo because it's the little Gumbas from Super Mario Brothers. I thought you meant just like an Italian-American sidepiece that's sent to go break some legs. But also I'll wear some, I'd love to see a Gumba and Crocs. Right? I think it would be fantastic. There are no crocs in today's episode,

but there are sexy kissing, Sannas, and we are crying about it. I'm going to also say, though, I'm over here new dad crying all the time. You know how many times I cried watching that Beatles fucking documentary series? Oh my God, MJ. We talked about it on talking TV for such a long time, and both of us like,

and their creativity and the way they work together. So beautiful. I'm glad I'm not the only one crying. I cried everything, and I assumed it was not, you know, new dadness, but like parenting and a pandemicness. But maybe it's just a general feeling of people. is it's sitting at home a lotness. Yes.

That's what it is. Being a new parent and going through a pandemic is similar in that regard. My friends, you're sitting at home and all of a sudden everything's just like, I think that is actually so beautiful that a tear must be a shed for that. The two paths are either you lose the ability to feel anything or you cry at everything. A hundred percent. Sweet heroin. Don't do heroin.

But man, that's what I hear. Apparently it's the feel of nothing. It's such a perfect day. No, don't. We're going to start crying again. See, I have none of those excuses. My excuse is that I just feel a lot. And it's not too much.

But during the holidays, man, is it all? I feel like, you know, in the same way that all of these movies are like, but falling in love is just better at the holidays. Number one, go fuck yourself. And number two, I think that things are just, I think I'm just more sensitive around the holidays. It's a lot of pressure.

There's a lot of stress. Oh my god, my mom would have an emotional breakdown every single Christmas like clockwork to the point where we kind of found it funny after a while. We're like, why do you even try? You do this yourself every year? You don't remember last year how this happened last year?

Has any, I've been watching so many lifetime movies too, so many lifetime Christmas movies, and I've been wondering if anyone, I know we've talked about like the friends with Christmas phenomenon where you go home and you hook up with somebody who you went to high school, school with, but has anyone, do we know, anecdotally, do you know somebody who has fallen in love

at Christmas? Because it seems like an overrepresented phenomenon. I don't know anybody who's been like, we met at Christmas time and we were under a tree in the lights. Like, I don't actually know anybody for whom that has happened. It seems pretty rare, to be honest. I had, if it had worked out between us, it would have been that, but it didn't. We went on like two dates. She doesn't exist. She's not your wife, Holden, don't you know that? She never existed. I think the kiss was awkward. I was, like, clearly, like, way too into it,

and she was, like, not. And then she was, like, this guy's younger than me. But I met a, I was flying home Christmas Day. And, and hit on a lady at the airport, at the gate. And we ended up chatting, and I totally got her number. And I thought it was like, so my Christmas romance moment, totally, for sure.

Like, that was my feeling. And it all fell into the toilet. It all fell to the toilet. But it definitely would have made one of those dumb movies that's a montage of a bunch of different romantic Christmas moments. You know what I mean? It would have made one of those. Like it was really cute.

It was a meat cute. Yeah. Oh, man, I definitely, I puked on someone in a cab that we shared from Manhattan. It was a me puke. I had a me puke, but that was on New Year's Eve. And I, because I couldn't afford the car alone, so I shared it and I puked on them. We still ended up having sex, but don't worry. I don't know their name.

And that's fine. It could have been. Oh, this should have could have. What is on a holiday? We make you a very Christmas week. Can I get everybody's, everybody wants to write in with their meat puke stories?

Yeah. I want to hear those way more than their Christmas meat cute. Although meat puke sounds like you just ate bad meat. And that's all that. I don't want meat peat. I'm talking about New Year's Eve. I'm talking about New Year's Eve meat pukes where you,

you're weird, gross. I have one and it did involve puke. We did a murder fist show. Meep. Oh my God. New Year's Eve and one of our buddies. Oh my God, that was so funny. Threw up over the,

oh, front row. All over the front row. He was too drunk and buged all over the front row, and none of us liked this person either. And they were like, and then you puked all over the front row. He'd been slamming gin from the moment we got there to, like, rehearse. And he just, it was the boyfriend.

He was just sitting in the audience. And then, like, right at the end, he just got, he just projectile vomited all over everybody. Like, right before we were about to do, like, the ball drop and everything. but I got to make out with a girl later that night. See, look at him go.

Now, I wonder if anyone's going to have a meat puk. Now, MJ, I did forget to tell you about this. Did you know that Redrummond is in a Discovery Plus? Christmas movie called Candy Coated Christmas where she owns a bakery and she helps two people fall in love. Don't worry, very white, cisgender, heteroreal people. But they fall in love at the bakery. Okay, so two points.

yes, I did know this because I'm not living under a rock, Jackie. Your kids are getting older now so you can pay more attention to other things. I feel like for a while you just lived under a rock of like, just tell me what I have to know. And then you bite it. Yeah. I do actually still live under a rock, but I do come up for Airf in the Rock for like to watch the Food Network,

especially during this time. But given how many Lifetime Christmas movies I've been watching, there is a hilarious phenomenon. going on right now in terms of whiteness, cisness, et cetera, where, so there's like, it's like a representation matters thing is going on with Lifetime

Christmas movies, which is, of course, it's great, right? Like, yes, hire more diverse actors, like, the one I watched last night. But they're just checking off the boxes. I'm like, okay, all right. In this one, all right, uh, nothing hits all this thing. Nothing about the form is changing, right? So it's like, the one I watched last night,

it was like, about like, Japanese American family, and they were talking about how they love Christmas. Nothing else has changed. They were just like, and we're diverse. You know, which again, it's fine. It's fine. It just doesn't change the form. You cannot diversify your way out of the oppression of the form.

I love the form. I'm come here for the form, but it's like. I'm a slave to the form. I love it. And I watched another one that was, it was like, there was like a queer couple. And like it was, you know, but it was like a queer couple that was just behaving in an extremely classically heterosexual way. It was just like, it's not like they got queer people

to be like, what would your, like, what would a Christmas movie about your experience be like? It was just like, let's literally take the script from last year and just make it two women instead. I'm a way too serious banker and he is a cake shop owner. And very fun. It is so funny to watch the like representation mattersification of Lifetime Christmas movies, which are, or Hallmark Christmas movies, which are just like an inherently like white Christian

heterosexual genre because they have to be. That is what they are. And again, I'm here for it. I like it. I want it. I'm so frazzled from my fashion magazine job. I think I need to go back to my hometown for a little while and see if there's a, It's all the same stereotypes.

And they're so clunky about it, too. They'll be like, oh, wow, that's my friend and her girlfriend. You know, it's just like, yes, okay, you know. We see you. We see. Thank you. I feel represented. You know, it's like, it is great.

It is just the same thing, but different people. And that's something. And yet I felt differently, though, when I watched when Harry met Santa. And yes, I'm talking about the Norwegian Postal Service ad. The thing is, is that these are the kind of things that I usually click on. And it stays and say, you know, all the clickbait shit that I'm just like, oh, what's this? And I watch and I absorb and I continue on with my day. But this one I had to include.

Guys, I don't know if you have seen this yet. I feel like this is not that big of a story. And I'm absolutely obsessed with it. Look at Norway's Postal Service Christmas ad. And it is called When Harry Met Santa. And it is devastating. It is a three and a half minute long commercial that I've watched multiple times

that I've cried to. It is about an older man, hot, older bearded man who is all alone and very sad and he sees Santa one year on Christmas who, you know, not in America, Santa is actually just like a tall, thin person. And he falls in love with him

and slowly year by year, like the movie, same time next year with Ellen Burstyn, and Alan, all to highly recommend it. It's not a Christmas movie. They fall in love. And they fall in love. I can't.

I've watched it so many times. It's so fucking good. It's just infuriating how good it is. It's beautifully shot. It's beautiful. It's like a movie. It's gorgeous. For some reason,

the Norwegian Postal Service, because apparently they're incredible at everything, just made this beautiful movie about like, what if a man fell in love with Santa? And Santa fell in love with him back. And they, and then, but. But it's like a broke back mountain things.

They can only be with each other once a year or whatever. Once a year. And so you see them as the snapshots of an in-between. It's just like him holding a suit and crying in like July. And it's like, I can't. And then he enlists the postal service to help him, Santa does, so that he can spend more time with him on Christmas. Don't even, I'm about it.

And at the end, if you even need like a, why are they doing this? Yeah, actually what got me was the very end. Yeah, at the end, it's, I mean, first and foremost, you realize why they're doing this. Oh, because like, yay, the postal service, which I assume is like a public good in Norway because most other countries have like a not-attacked public service system. Yeah.

Oh, you mean it's not like a hour country? But so I'm like, okay, that's as nice. This is like support America's, I mean, support Norway's, you know, postal service. But then all app besides being an ad for how good the postal service is, At the end, they're like in 2021 marks 50 years in Norway of being able to love whoever you want to. And that's the part where you really. That's what I cry.

It says in 2022 it will be 50 years since it became legal to love whomever you want in Norway. For many of us, Christmas is a time we spend with those we love. And it's nice to see the Norway Post show that love belongs to everyone regardless of orientation. Stop! Age or wherever you live in the North Pole. I'm crying. too. It's so sweet.

It's so dumb. It's a commercial, Jackie. It is a commercial for a public utility in another country, but it's so good. And we haven't even mentioned, you mentioned that the guy is hot, but Santa is also quite hot. It's a bad Santa, Billy Bob Thor. You're very hot. Daddy hot, hot Daddy Santa situation.

Rough around the edges, you know, kind of with the older vibe. Yeah, very nice. Yeah. I don't you say Billy Bob Thor, but like not hammered and like throwing you. Not a meat pukes. There's no meat pukes. Just looking like Billy Bob Thornton. No meat pukes.

I love a Billy Bob Thornton. No meat pukes. Everybody's got one. Everybody has a sloppy, gross, you know, one of those, especially on New Year's Eve. I want to hear a successful one, though. Like, I want to get one where you move faster. Yeah, we don't want to talk about the sad ones where he had to go, you know, yeah, don't talk about what's to set you to therapy.

But together is the good, fun ones. Yes, only the fun. Not the ones that you, that just hearing this conversation like sends you into like a shave spiral. Don't worry, we won't let that go. By the phrase meat puke, they please just probably keep in your, you know, tell and talk about it to your therapist,

but if you have a funny one that makes everybody laugh, then we all go, man, you're gross that night. Give us a smile. Speaking of meat pukes, Mariah Carey has teamed up with McDonald's for a 12 days of Christmas-inspired Mariah. menu. This is so I've been, I think,

celebrity collabs. I've gotten very weird lately. Yeah. It's just the most slap together, lazy. To me, it just feels so lazy. Like, you know what I mean? There's just no thought behind, there's no actual, I mean. It's not like a Christmas menu.

It's not like, I don't even know. Fucking Christmas cookies. It's just the McDonald's menu, but it just is called the Mariah menu. And it's not even a Mariah Carrie oriented, like they didn't say like the chicken McMirayas or, I don't know what. No, it's just like on the 13th day you get a sausage biscuit, you know. Yeah, you get a cheap Big Mac. Literally.

You get a cheap. A McChicken, a Big Mac, a cheeseburger, a sausage biscuit. And then also, come on, Mariah, all I want for Christmas is all of you to try the Mariah menu at McDonald's. I mean, it's just so. Yes, darling, I got my holiday wish this year. My very own menu for one of my absolute. Faves. We made a list of the food both you and I love and checked it twice. So save the date

December 13th. See, the thing is, is that I looked into this. What it is, is that you download the McDonald's app and you still have to buy something at McDonald's to get it for free. And even though you have to buy, like, I thought I was like, oh, are they giving it away for free? Like, at least that would be, like, it could help some people that just, you know, need to put something in their stomach. But no, it's not. You still have to buy something. And I hate it because everything that they're describing about of like how good Mariah is that she's sharing everything that she has with the lamley and people that are less fortunate than she is. What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? It's a meat puk. It's a game. It's like the Monopoly game, but it's like instead you're just like, I get, on the 11th day, I got the apple pie. You know, like it's not even a, it's just an act. If Mariah did have a food item at McDonald's, what would it be and what would it be called? It would be drunk. Number one, it definitely, I don't know what it.

A bottle of liquor. It would just be like Mariah's mush juice. Or maybe it would have something with her Black Irish. She's got that Irish cream collection now called Black Irish. So maybe it would even just honestly, straight up, do a Black Irish milkshake. Yeah, that's great. probably can't do that because it is like, but do like an Irish cream flavored milkshake. She has her own cookie line.

You could do fucking Mariah's cookies. She has already has collaborations that you could easily put into a McDonald's menu. I think that's why my brain is blown by it. It's just weird. I don't want a sausage egg witch. I don't want it. She also claims to go there with her children, which is Jackie pointed out. Doubt it.

I doubt it. Also, I also just want to say, I feel like this is the result of her not actually attending any of the meetings. The many meetings, by the way, there were had for this where they literally just talked about, like, there was like an hour of Zoom pre-talk, and then 15 minutes of actual important information, and then like 30 minutes of, like saying goodbye.

Like, there were probably 12 of those, and Mariah was supposed to be at, like, half of them. And she wasn't at a single one. Of course she wasn't. I think that's kind of what I'm getting from this. I think that she won't even sit in front of the Zoom. She will sit off to the side and have someone resay every single thing that every single person or the like to her dog. But not to her.

Of course, not to her. No, she's not going to be listening. You have to get on their hands and fours, hands and ease and whisper the information to her dog so that she can't hear it even. And she understands what it means. I mean, it's just the most copywritten piece of wording here. You know what I mean? Like it's just so lab made by ad executives. I just, I love it.

But Holden, some of her fondest memories are going to McDonald's. Some of my favorite memories with my kids are our family trips to McDonald's. And everyone has our go-to order. Mine is the cheeseburger. And I get it with some extra pickles. That's how you know it's real and true

because she says it's got action because she put a little detail in there that someone else wrote. But neither of those things aren't actually general orders that people. I was going to say, you don't even really do that at McDonald's, do you? Yeah, because I was about to say, you know what the fucking was? It was a number one large sized,

or super sized, with a Coke. That was my shit, all right? I think I got the number two, whatever the one with the, I haven't been to McDonald's a very long time, but like I used to get, I think it was the number two cheeseburgers, because I liked the two cheeseburgers. All I remember was Wendy's was either number one or number three, whatever the quarter pounder meal was, and McDonald's was the other one.

That's all I remember. And sometimes you get confused. and that happened once, I took my crush out to lunch for, I think I've talked about this before. Oh, to a very fine dining experience. To a Wendy's. To a Wendy's, I was like, please go. Was it the Wendy's that was across the street from your house in college? No, no, no, this was high school, Jackie. This was high school.

So we got to go to lunch during senior year high school, and I finally got my crush to go with me to Wendy's just one-on-one during our lunch break. And I accidentally ordered the McDonald's number instead of the Wendy's number, and it was like a triple-decker slop burger. And so I was trying to eat this burger And it was like getting all over my hand It was like falling apart of my hands It was just grease like dribbling down my face

I was like it was like a stress dream And I was just trying to like eat this bro I was not normally like this I ordered the wrong burgers And she's just laughing And that makes it even worse to be like Oh I'm so upset I made the wrong order I'm such a dump dumb idiot

It was so embarrassing Man I'll always remember that Liz Shoutouts to you I'm sure you She listens. Oh, I'm sure all of the people you went on one date with in high school. Well, that was not a date, Jackie. That was very much not a date.

It was a meat puke. It definitely sounds like one. It was actually a meat puke. Yeah, I think that constitutes. So meat puks are now getting way too hammered at like a holiday evening and like hooking up as someone or like a gross interaction. Yeah, like just some disgusting interaction with a person you have a huge crush. I recently took my children to McDonald's for the first time because we were on a road trip coming back from seeing their cousins.

And so we stopped at McDonald's. They loved it. I mean, what's not to love? Like, you know, we didn't even go inside. It actually had a play place, too. And I was like, oh, my God, God help me. Like, I used to love them. No, there's needles in there.

Did you go in there? No, you were a needle. Do you think there's needles everywhere? I was told we weren't allowed. There's access to see pills in there. We weren't allowed to eat at McDonald's as much as I was allowed to play in the play place. I loved the play place. And I was like, oh my God, the kids, but it was closed off for COVID safety.

We didn't even stay inside because, you know, we ate in the parking lot. But like, the kids were like a toy and French fries. Like, this is amazing. But because we live in the city, there actually is a McDonald's like kind of in the neighborhood. But because of. You don't go to fast food in the city. I think that maybe we would have if life was more normal, but just we don't. Like, and so they like, so Freddie just like saw a McDonald's like a happy meal

box like on the street the other day, like in the trash. And she was like, wow, I wonder how did a McDonald's box get here? Like, somebody must have been on a trip and brought it back here. Like she was so, she thinks there's like one McDonald's and it's like between here and Boston. It's for the best to leave it like that. I think for a while. Let that go as long as believing in Santa. Yeah. I love it. But, you know, I definitely don't think there was any puking or possibly meet involved in the love affair that wasn't a love affair between Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves.

So I read this article and I sent it to Holden and MJ and I just wrote, sploosh, splish, splish, and I hope that you read the sploosh in me saying it like in Wayne's world when they go, swing, swang, swang, swing, because it was just, I'm in love with this. While your pussy was all wet, my eyes were wet because this has also made me cry. Yeah, it's very moving. and not splushy at all. In my opinion, it's just like... She's just like he's a great friend.

Like, he listens so well. I've never had anyone listen to me like that. Splish, splish, splish. It's so funny to, to hear this talk because this really is how it's like for most women when it comes to men. She was like, I started talking and he got quiet and seemed to be facially responding to what I was doing.

And then days later, he, like, got me a thing based on what I said. I want to start at the beginning because, as you guys know, yes, which it's sad, that this is so much of a story that there's multiple stories written about it, that Sandra Bullock never dated Keanu Reeves. But you guys know they did many, they did a good amount of movies together in the 90s, and then they did like the lakehouse. And so people are constantly asking Sandra Bullock, but did you ever? But did you ever? And she never really says, like, she said like, no, I haven't. Like, she doesn't really speak towards it very often.

but recently in an Esquire interview, they started talking about it and Sandra Bullock told this amazing, do you guys want to talk the story? Do you want to tell out the story? Sure. I think that you should tell it, Jackie, because you're the sploosh, spooch.

You're too busy sploge. Oh, you guys are crying. Yeah, you guys are crying. So essentially. Splush, Jackie's taken a bag. Yeah. Motherfucking Wednesday night. My own fantasies, baby.

I am taking a splash because Sandra Bullock is, you know, Oh, she's a down-home girl. She ain't like the other girls. Actually, she is like the other girl. She's the girl next door. And they were talking, and she essentially said that, oh, I've never, they were talking on set. And she was talking about how, like, she had never tried champagne or truffles before.

Like, she's a down-home girl. That's never really gotten into any of that kind of stuff. And one day, she is sitting on her porch with her best friend, and they are painting each other's nails. And who shows up? Splo, Splo! Splo! Sploose! Splo! Kianoo! on a motorcycle, he takes off the helmet. And oh, his air goes everywhere.

And, ooh, he's got an 8 o'clock shadow. It's just a little bit longer than a 5 o'clock shadow. And he comes up and he, so, because she was doing her nails for a, oh, he left for a date later on. Yeah. So he comes up and he brought her champagne in truffles so that she could try it. And then they could try it together. And then the three of them, eat champagne and truffles. And then he left to go on a date.

And it's just an amazing story. I love that he painted his nails. Yeah, it's so fun. There's something about that. There's something about that that's so great. You know, and that alone, that's the one romantic gesture. Most dudes do just to get into the relationship with the girl and then never do anything like that again. But that's just a normal.

That's a fucking Tuesday for Keanu reads. With somebody's having tried to bang. It is unbelievable. That's the thing that's so nice. It's just like you were, first of all, obviously she's hot. She's Sandra Bullock. Sure, sure. But you're not even trying to bang her.

You're just like, I heard. heard you mention this thing, so I brought it. And also, yeah, I'd love to paint nails and have champagne and truffles. Like, it really, and I just watched that off, that, by awful, I mean, wonderful video of like when Stephen Colbert says, Keanu Reeves, what happens when you die? And he says, I know the people who love you will miss you. And so I kept thinking about that. And I was just like, why? He's like a man who's, like, experienced so much loss and tragedy. He's just, like, beautiful and poetic, but I spent my whole life thinking he was just a dumbass because that's like, that's his thing. Right. What he plays. He's Ted or whatever. And now I'm just like, I can't think

about Keanu Reeves without being like really moved. But this was- Getting really emotional because also the, what's her, Octavia Spencer when he stopped to help fix the car. Oh my God. So he makes me emotional now, you know? Like just to think about him as like a human being. Even more than these other ones that we look at. Like he's up there with Mr. Rogers a little bit. Yeah. A little bit. Like I mean, Mr. Rogers, I think more so, even, but he's up there. He's like, he's arguably contributes more than... But I'm talking about, like, the stories about him as a man. Yes, right.

In terms of like... Like, outside of the body of work. Right. Like, we can't find something wrong with this person in terms of how they interact with the world. He's just a mythic creature that, like, does things that, and you hear a story about him, you're like, I could be better, you know? I could be a better person. Like, when he gave away millions of his own salary to the, uh, to the,

Matrix, VFX, and the costumes department, because he found out how much they were making. He's like, but you guys are making this entire, like, you guys are making this. You're making this whole movie. So he gave most of his money from the Matrix to them instead. It's like everything you hear. Wow. It's like, is it? Like, it's like, oh, I could never compare to him.

But, you know, just little nice things every day were just one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break. Everything is Aidenbe. That was the second time I cried reading through the articles earlier today. Now let's talk about the third time for some reason. I was just like, what's wrong with? I was like, I am broke. I think it's sweet that you cried at this next one because it's very, it's fun, but it's, I didn't cry. It was just, you know, I think I was already just in, you know, it was kind of like when you're horny, like every little thing kind of gets you going.

Yeah. But like I was, horny for crying. Yeah, I was the opposite. I was cryy. I was like in, I was raw by that point. And then I was just like, she's just, it's just how much respect they have for her as a person. You know, well, I think I started crying so I was like, I remembered where she came from. We're talking about Rihanna.

We're talking about Rihanna. Rihanna was named National Hero by Barbados. And, but so please continue. Check out our episode on her, our pop history episode. I mean, I think the reason why I started crying is I remembered the research we did and where she came from. Yes, she's worked so hard. Because she came from fucking shit. She had a horrible childhood.

And to see her whole country, like where she was born, she was born there, and she had a rough parent situation. And to see her, like, be so important to where she came from, like to go off and fucking kill it so hard

that she gets a national hero award from the place that she came from that was so difficult, challenging for her. You know, not that Barbados itself was difficult, but, her home there was so tough.

It's so, like, impressive and that's where the motions kicked in. That's fair. And this, of course. She has struggled so hard, and then she got a natural year. She's only the second woman to receive it, and only 11 people have received. This is like the highest honor of Barbados. Yeah, and the old lady that did the little speech in the video.

Yeah, she said, I hope you continue to shine bright like a diamond. Yeah, yeah. It's very beautiful. She's like, God bless you. I was just like, oh. Also, that old lady was the prime minister of Barbados. Well, yeah, I know, but I don't know what she is. Whatever.

The old fucking woman. The old bitch. She slapped her up there. Who knows? The random woman that they pulled off the street and was like, would you like to say some nice things about Rihanna? Like, yes, give me a day. This nice woman who they got to present the thing representing the country.

Oh, it's the head of state. I guess fine, that makes sense. I mean, I hope that she knows about the Mariah's menu for the 12 days of Christmas. I think that she should get on board. Yeah, there you go. One person's hawking burgers, the other's getting a national award for their country for being a hero. I mean, I don't know. Take it for what you will.

I think it's apples and apples, not apples and oranges. I hear you. But no, not a single tier for Lilo getting engaged. Not caring at all about Lindsay Lohan. Finally, I guess. Well, this is the second time she's been engaged. I will say I did think I cannot believe she's alive. I can't believe it.

It's kind of crazy. It's a miracle. It's a Christmas miracle that that woman is not only still alive, but seemingly somehow like in the game a little bit and like having some success. And she does look a lot better. And so God bless her. God bless us everyone.

God bless us everyone. I want a redemption arc for Lilo. I mean, obviously she was like, it's, she's had a different arc than Brittany, different arc than like Amanda Binds. But she's firmly in the category, even more so than like,

people kept sharing like the picture of like Paris Hilton and Lilo and Brittany together and being like all of these women were, you know, so wronged by like early 2000s media, all of which is true. I feel like those are, they're like three pretty distinct like stories

but I do feel like like Lindsay Lohan is like a monster of our own making in terms of how we you know shame her about substance use and sex and all those things and I do like making fun of her rather than talking about like maybe she needs help. Right, right. And I feel like making fun of her.

Brittany finally has like come to a place where I feel like there's the pretty universal response towards Brittany is like compassion, you know? and I don't... Compassion and you're bad at Instagram, but go on. Compassion and my cards, everything okay with Instagram, but like I feel like we're not there with Lindsay Lohan yet. And they're different, right?

Like, like, I think that Brittany has perhaps demonstrated growth in a way that Lindsay has in, or I don't know exactly why it feels different with them, you know? Well, I think it's because Britney Spears was kept. Yeah. She was kept in a cage of the making of not only society, but as well as her family. Right. And I think that that is like the big,

like that's why people championed her so hard. Right. And it does suck, you know, I know that I think that I feel like every time Lindsay Loyan's like, we're about to have more music come out from her, where I'm like, well, I don't know. Yeah, or like, I'm doing a new reality show for MTV.

I'm just like, that's not a redemption. That's right. And she consistently does pretty offensive things, which is, which makes it hard for her to be routine. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'd be interested to hear her story. Just like all of them. their stories seem to be interesting.

The Britney Murphy's story was fascinating. The Britney Spears. Christine Aguilera, I'm sure, is just crazy. You know what I mean? I mean, they have to be interesting. This on Paris Hilton now. We have all this light shed on her upbringing and how troubling it was.

So, yeah, I'm sure there's definitely very fascinating stuff going on there. But it is funny. It is like the, she's like the Joe Dirt of that crew, right? Is that a reasonable reference? Yeah, lovable, but flawed, I guess. A little bit of trash mixed in there, but kind of in a charmingish way. Yeah, and who doesn't have that?

I mean, I think it's a lot of the reason why everyone is so obsessed with the Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian relationship. Which is so obviously, it is publicity. But you know what? I hope they're having fun. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for sure. I was kind of surprised there was more. I figured it was just going to be kind of a brief, like, I don't know, I guess you're right.

It is a bit publicity thing, so probably or whatever, so, you know, it'll go as long as K&K needs it to go. But, yeah, I mean, it sounds like she's having, yeah, she's letting her boots down and she's having a giggle, which is fun. You know, I haven't seen her have a, make a giggle motion, I think, since before Kanye. You mean, like, uh, ha, ha, ha, ha, I'm grabbing my stomach. to go from like the man who takes himself so seriously that he literally thinks he's the Messiah to Pete Davidson is like that's a fun switch.

Yeah. But also like wouldn't you need a bit of a break? It's like can we just laugh? Can we like just like chill for a second? Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of interesting. I mean, think about it. I'm looking at the picture right now

of her laughing in the car with Pete Davidson. I don't think I've ever seen her laugh. Oh, I follow her on like the TikToks and all that. And so, like, she does a lot of stuff with her kids. And she laughs through that, but I don't think I've ever really seen her laugh

and anything I've ever... Every picture next to Yee. Yee. Yeah, next to Yee, hear ye, hear ye. Every picture... It's not. It's gay. Next to Yeh is deathly serious.

I mean, because he's always deathly serious, right? It's always like, they're at a funeral. Like, that's the look. That's the vibe. That's the brand. Funeral fucking... Even, like, his Sunday services where, like, the Sundays are,

which are supposed to be, like, you know, it is. a lot of like it's faith, it's singing, it's community. And even then he looked so intense. I'm like, ye have a smeele. Do you guys think Pete Davidson is

cute, by the way, I'm... No, I truly don't get it except for that he is classically like the fucking idiot who hangs out by the bathrooms in high school where you're just like that fucking guy. And then if he like wanted to make out,

be like, yeah, sure, I guess. That's how I feel about it. I feel like he would be the guy that I would sell weed to when I was 16. And same difference where it's like, I kind of had a crush on him just because like, I wonder what it would be like. But other than that, he does remind me of what like 14 year old me would be very. I mean, it's like MJ, it's like us with Jughead. Yeah. Yeah. In the beginning of like 17 years ago when we started watching Riverdale and how we felt about Jughead. I think he has that same quality of like, ooh, you're bad. Yeah. Like you're fun, but you're bad.

But also, you're aware of yourself mentally. And that's sexy, but also you're kind of bad. And on top of that, though, is it not just publicity or is it not also, is this the number one dude that would grind Ye's gears? That's the number one guy. Yay must be so, what must feel so enraged, you know, like, it's not, it's not emasculating, but I feel like he must think it's emasculating to be like that guy he's like a so the wacky guy that wacky like twerk like he's not really a twerp I guess he's kind of Pete David's kind of a cool guy but like he's not like a horse cock and every you know it's just he's such a surprise hunk he's not a hunk you know yeah so it's just like I feel like

to go from like you know a self-identified like genius you know like you know to be like this real dick hit you know like a guy who's kind of famous for just being like a fuck off, you know. I feel like it must be very insulting for Ye. I'm going to say it almost every time I didn't really give a shit about Pete Davidson until I watched King of Staten Island. I need to watch it because I... I should say it every time of like it was much more of like an eye-opening about him

and the fact that he really wanted that movie to be made and he worked on it with Jed Apatow. And like, I don't know. There's something about him in that movie that was like, oh. I see who you are. Like I feel like I've known this person before. And I think that's also what it is where he does have this like intriguing familiarity. Definitely. Which again is the opposite of ye as well.

Because he thinks that he is a Messiah. Definitely. And he's just like a like connect. He's more connected. He's more, he's more real. He's very genuine. Yeah. And I think that that is what is so appealing.

He really does seem. And he's got to have a huge cock. There's no way he doesn't have. Big, great, look at the guy. I mean, he's got every attribute of a man with the fucking hog. Is also the difference. Well, he's already, he's got the pedigree. Cape Cancancelve, uh, Ariana Grove.

I hope you. Oh. Uh-oh. Whatever. But, you know, I mean, he's been with a bunch of like beautiful, you know, famous starlit people. You know what I thought about you. Yeah. I thought about you.

Bridges and Phoebe, yeah, he was with it. I mean, you know, like, he's killing. He's just like... He's killing that pussy, dude. Just fucking whack-a-mole in that pussy. It is unbelievable. I don't think that the record of hot women necessarily means he's good at sex.

No, you are 100% correct. You are definitely 100% correct. But at the same time, I just sense that he is. Like, just the same way that I feel like it is so weird and true that he is a celebrity where you really feel like you know him. He has this, like, he just seems like somebody you went to high school with in like a good way, even also a bad way at the same time, you also just have a sense that's like you probably, you're doing something right.

Like you are really, really doing it right. Dirty, tall, and lanky. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. That was my type from the age of 14 until I was 27. Yeah.

I'd be like, that was my type. Bit Googly, I add too, you know, add Googly. Yes. Yeah. Bulging eyeball. I'm thinking I have a friend. It was exactly. That's my type too.

fucking crazy big dick. Massive. Well, our types are, one of the many tips. So lucky, I know we have a celebrity conspiracy to get to to, but I do have to just

give a shout out to the most insane fucking nonsense that can rock music video. Shoutouts to Weird Al Yankovic. This did not make you guys cry, though. I will say. It made me laugh so fucking hard.

I forgot that this existed because I remember it hit Twitter like the Weird Al Yankovic tweet and everything. And everyone was like, yeah, that's amazing. I was like, I have to watch this music video now. And then it kind of disappeared from me.

I got lost in the baby sauce. If you want to get really mad, look up. Don't tell me how to live, which is the new kid rock song you can imagine what it's about. I think, I'll tell you what, you can decide to get mad, but maybe just laugh and laugh and laugh. It is so funny. It is, I think self-parody was a good way to describe it. It's the American way. Like, it is just, it's every boomer Facebook comment and like a kid, but put in a kid, but put in a kid,

rocks on. Let me just tell you guys this. Yeah. The conceptual artist, so I'm sorry, that's what the article referred to him as. He's so upset with what's happening in our liberal snowflake country that he gets on a gigantic penis-shaped middle finger

rocket and blasts himself to Mars. So, it's just, you know what? I love it. Go to Mars. Fine, go to Mars. It really reminds me of the my favorite reactionary conservative song ever which is called

Take a Knee My Ass Parentheses I Won't Take a Knee which is by a country music artist named Neil McCoy who wrote in response to Colin Kaepernick but take a knee my ass parentheses I won't take a knee it's very very much that energy

for the don't tell me what to do kid rock video If I were a senator I would introduce a bill that says once you get to the age of 60 you are no longer allowed to watch 24-hour news cycle news channels or be on Facebook or Twitter. I would remove those from your devices.

It would be physically removed. A man would show up, remove the channels from your cable box, whatever antiquated fucking way you're watching TV these days. I don't even think it's 60. I think just all of it. Just like, don't worry about it. Oh, yeah.

I love to eradicate all of it, but we're kidding here. That's never going to happen. But at least you would just take it away for them because this is just the thing that people, and I know we were wrong. all stuck in our houses, but this is literally just like, you're inside on your chair watching too much shit that isn't real and like-angrier and angry.

Yeah, you're in like Facebook groups and stuff. I mean, it's just like, dude, it's so funny. So ridiculous to a point that people kept hitting up weird out. And that's what we were talking about the tweet before, being like, were you a part of this music video or this song? And he's like, to everybody that's congratulating me right now on my new kid rock parody video, let me clarify, it's not me that's actually kid rock. Oh, I hope he does something to.

because of how successful that single tweet was. So funny, man. Anyways, all right, it's time for it. Hit me with a share. Do you believe it? Did Taylor Swift write Harry Potter fanfic? That's right. It's a celebrity conspiracy for all of us.

Did it bit of a Jackie Holden crossover. Jackie Holden crossover scenario, or so, I guess. This one comes in from Moira, who wrote, I have a celebrity conspiracy for you that I know Holden will appreciate. There's a rumor floating around that Taylor Swift is the author of a massively popular 500,000 word Harry Potter fan fiction. I don't know if you've heard of it, Jackie,

but you might want to do a reading of it someday for maybe our patrons. It's called All the Young Dudes. It is told from the point of view of Remus Lupin. Okay. Yes, like the David Bowie written, Mott the Hoopal song. It's told from the point of view of Remus Lupin,

a werewolf who grew up in a boy's home, in a boy's home, readers watch him grow up, discover his sexuality, fight in a war, and deal with the events of the Harry Potter series. It's essentially the Marauders' story. Of the Marauders map, yes. Way pre-Hary Potter, those group of guys. One of the big elements is, and this, I wrote this,

I had to dig in a little bit and find out a little more about this. One of the big elements is a romantic relationship between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin from a Slate article on it. They had this to say. What makes all the young dudes so engrossing is how detailed and invested it is in building a world outside of the one Rowling created. It's a slow burning love story told from the perspective of Remus,

who is a werewolf and thus explores the experience of being a gay man in the 1970s bruce, sploosh, bluish, right? And being a werewolf in the wizarding society. This story was posted from March 2017 to November 2018. This is where the conspiracy comes in, back to Moriura. But most of the fans arrived after December 2020 when it started to gain traction on TikTok. They think the fan fiction was written in the break Taylor took after 1989 before reputation.

She kind of went into hiding. Everybody turned against her with the snake emojis. The conspiracy stems from the fact that the creator of this fan fiction is called Miss King Bean 89. 1989, anyone? And there are references to the story hitting in Teesman.

What about the Miss King Bean? Bean, Bart. Miss King Bean. And there are references to the story hidden in T-Swift's lyrics and music videos. Some examples. In the Willow music video, we see Taylor exiting a Willow Tree, and Harry Potter, Remus Lupin, enters and exits the Womping Willow,

a magical willow tree that connects to a shack where he can safely transform into a werewolf. Miss Americana and the heartbreak prince, great song, sounds a lot like Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Miss King Bean 80, this is reaching so hard. Miss King Bean 89 said her birthday. She said her birthday, Miss King Bean 89 said her birthday was on September 4, and 4 plus 9 is 13.

13 is classically Taylor's lucky number. If you don't know that, go blow your own fucking brains on. Wow. That's interesting because she's not like the other girls. She's like a Bella. A lot of the lyrics. Oh, just go laying it for us until you die, Jackie.

I would if I could. A lot of the lyrics on Evermore and folklore relate to the doomed love between Lupin and Sirius Black. I can go on, but you get the idea. Do you believe? Now I want to read it. Love the show. I think you should do it, maybe consider it for Patreon.

That sounds like a perfect thing for it. I love it. I don't want Miss King Bean. If Miss King Bean is T.Sway, she's going to come after my ass. She might come after you, but she'll come after you and she'll say thank you. I love you. Oh, you think so? I'm great. Yeah.

She's going to write a whole album about you how you didn't give it back. Oh, God. Yeah, you're the new Scooter Braun. No. Love you guys. Love the show and fuck J.K. rolling. Moira. Thank you so much, Moira, for that.

Well, we appreciate it. Do you believe? I have to. Yeah. I think I have to. What choice do I have? Nine plus four. That's irrefutable evidence.

I mean, nine plus four! I feel like the evidence, when it comes right down to it, is pretty weak. Shall we say? No. I appreciate you guys. I want to believe it. So I guess I will believe it. But I do not see enough concrete evidence.

See a bunch of hay evidence. I don't see concrete evidence. You want more research. I need more research. So if you guys out there, can do some more research for me. Around the clock, too, I don't want this to be skimpy research.

We really be working 24-7 on this. Who's got the time, you know, to wait around for finding this out? Oh, I have no time to wait around, quit your job, or pretend to work like I did at my job and do this instead. Back when I had a desk job. There you go.

That's the mean beat with holding the cheat. Back to you, Jackie. Oh, just like, the cheat, the cheat. From Homestown. Strongback. No. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm showing my age, but I'm also going to be showing the list.

I can't say show my tits. I'll show my tits. You want me to show your tits right now, please. Who are on the list? Hey, I don't have that list. Beloved movies that almost killed their stars and directors. What? Some of these talk about a little bit of a stretch.

Some of these are a little bit of a stretch. I don't know if almost. in something, like Lucille Ball once almost got beaten to death in a fight on the set of I Love Lucy. They're talking about the time, you know, when they're making the wine, and they're squishing the grapes,

that apparently there was an on-screen fight with actress Teresa Torelli in that scene, and Torelli apparently got really into it so much so that Ball was afraid she died, which that's a little... That sounds like a dramatic situation. No wonder Nicole Kidman is going to be playing. I guess it makes a lot of sense.

And the vitriol I have for absolutely no reason towards Nicole Kidman because of the fucking ad in the damn movie theater that every time we're like, I love going to the movies. I hate it. Every time she's wearing like a diamond gown. And it's like she hasn't been to a movie theater. And I'm going to guess unless it was an opening of her own movie, and I'm going to say 35 years. But anyway, did he know that Hallie Berry nearly choked on a fig while filming Die Another Day? Now, I remember this scene, but I don't because I never seen the James. I never seen the James Bond movies.

But I hear died other days a good ones. All right. I think. Man, they all run together, bro. They're all kind of a mish, mush. They're like mashed potatoes of action kind of spy movies. You know what I mean? It's all the kind of the same consistency.

Yeah, I get it, man. Well, apparently she was supposed to seduce Pierce Broson with a fig, which, like you do. Man, what a way to get a man into your bed. Just go figgy, figgy. Yeah. Figgie, figgy, and you just keep pulling it until you get closer to your bed. Can you stop doing that, Jackie?

Because I'm getting all hard over it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't want to get you a hard. I know you've got to go watch the baby after this. But apparently she almost choked to death on it. And Pierce Brousen saved her. And so it does remind me a little bit of Mrs. Doubtfire. That is very Mrs. Doubtfire.

Wow. It's very Mrs. Dowdfire. And of course, this makes a lot of sons. Castaway was an extremely dangerous experience. Tom Hanks. Apparently, he got a very nasty infection and had it treated in the nick of time. Apparently, if he'd shown up an hour or so later, it might have been too late. There you go.

Bum, bum, bam, Berm, Guillermo del Toro was nearly killed by a car while directing on the shape of water. Michael Shannon had parked it, but it was an old car, and it kept moving straight at Del Toro. Luckily, it stopped in time, and it makes me think of that poor youngman from the Star Trek movie. He seemed very a good actor. He got, I think, cut into half when his car wasn't the break. Well, I'm glad we could mourn his loss by knowing who he was or what movie he was in. I thought you would remember. This is a new story.

I have two people that aren't reading a list right now that could look it up and help me. Oh, sorry, you want us to look up man cut in half Star Trek question mark? Yes. Okay, Yolkin, 27, best ever person. Thank you. Pavel Chekhov of the Star Trek movie, Reboot died in June 2016, when his 2015 Grand Cherokee,

I don't know why they had to give him the making, fucking model of the fucking thing, rolled backward in the steep driveway of his Los Angeles home, pinning the actor against a brick wall and fence. That is such a sad way to go. Back to you, Jackie. You're welcome. Adding insult to injury, Super Mario Brothers nearly killed Bob Hoskins.

Hoskins says he got stabbed four times, electrocuted, broke a finger, and nearly got drowned. But that's because they were. all hammered. Yeah, I was going to say, in the defense of the production, Hoskins was classically, him and Leguzzano

realized they were in a horrible movie and just proceeded to get fucking blackout drunk like every shoot day while making it. That's definitely I think a big part of why he almost went. Yeah, pretty, pretty much. And last one of least, Danny DeVito nearly drowned on the It's Always

Sunny in Philadelphia set. They had to weigh him down in an underwater scene, which meant he had hard time getting back up and then unsurprisingly, he panicked. That is, I think, one of my many worst nightmares. No. It's not worth it. It's not worth it for a television show.

No, you're not weighing me down. You're telling me we have to put you in water and weigh you down for this scene. I'm saying I quit. I'm good. CGI? Isn't it? Like, what year is it? Do you have to do those things?

I can't even imagine. I would never, not that I would ever be asked to be in any kind of action. film or short or anything, but nah, I'm good. I'd be like, can we not do that? How about we don't do this? Maybe it's just because of all of the information that I was looking into because we did an episode over on my Twitch channel about getting into the Rust situation and what happened on set.

And then I started reading into just how many people have been hurt and how many things that aren't reported because it will happen like right after the set has, quote, like broken for the day or something like that. I will say, I think one of the biggest ones that was left out is the last entry. That is the Michael J. Fox. I just figured everyone knew this one. I know, but I just did such a classic.

I wanted to throw it out there. Yeah, yeah, that Michael J. Fox nearly got strangled by the news and back to the future three. They hung him so tightly after he'd been swinging for a few seconds that Robert Zemeckis realized he was genuinely passing out and not just acting. Again, this is another one of those. Oh my God.

There's no way we can fake this. Terrifying. Wasn't there a Jesus Christ Superstar kind of incident as well that was sort of like that? Oh. Maybe I'd heard, maybe it's just a production story I heard from somebody, but it was like, yeah, there was a, somebody almost died, like, during the cross stuff or whatever. Anywho, I can't see a thing about that because I think I'm going.

Blind! Items! Oh, we can't see them. Wow. They're blind. items, you can't see them, yeah. Ooh, a double song. Yeah, I don't know.

I just felt like singing a little bit just now. Switch it up. Anywho, here's the blind items for you fucking people. This A-list mostly movie actress, who is directed in the past, told her ex she would settle their legal dispute for $100 million. That would be just about everything he has. Who's famously getting a divorce. profile divorce.

Braggelina? Kim Cardiff. Oh. That's all he has? What? So I was going to ask, I don't think that's all he has? Maybe she's just taking him for all that he's worth, because I know that, like, I know they're having a lot of custody issues and maybe it's just that this trial, I mean, this has been

going on for some time at this point. That's really draining all that every movie Brad Pitt has ever been in money? I know. I don't know. 100 million seems like not, but maybe, you know, you never know, because sometimes people just spend their money very foolishly. But it's 100 million? A hundred million is what my, yeah, the blind said. I mean, that is like a lot of money.

Yeah. I don't, once money gets to a certain point, I don't understand it. I like have no concept of, like, like, $500 is a lot of money. So I don't know. I'll never spend that. Yeah. Yeah, right. Like, I don't know how much Brad Pitt is actually worth.

compared to, like, I know he's not worth, like, Elon Musk, but, like, he's been in a lot of movies. He must have a lot of money. But a hundred million is, right, yeah. But she's got all the kids, though. Yeah. So she should really get that $100 million. It definitely takes $100 million to raise six children. So she's got a lot of money herself. I don't understand. Oh, yeah. Oh, these rich people, I don't get it. That sounds great. I imagine also, it's probably part of it is like, I'm going to fucking stick him in it. I want to watch the screws being turned into this motherfucker. Like, you hate somebody and you've got the money to go get that $100 million.

I guess go get that $100 million. And the attorney's going involved. Even if you didn't before. Oh, marriage story. Even if you didn't hate them or going after them before you end up going after them. These fucking lawyers, it's a whole racket, man. Where's the wedding industry, the divorce industry? I love planning a wedding.

Yeah, what's the funnest money you spent on the wedding so far? Was it the venue or the DJ? Oh, God. I think that's part of me was just like, do we need a DJ? You don't? The answer was yes. I guess. I disagree.

Y'all ask, hit me up if you want to ask about the DJ thing. I don't think you need a DJ. Every time I look at something, I'm like, but do we need a venue? But I guess you do. Anyway. Anywho, we're not here to talk about a devastating amounts of money Jack has been spending on a wedding. We've got to talk about the next blind item, even though I will say it is devastating.

Devastating is the word, it's like in all capital. Okay, all right. But moving. I'm fine with my experience. The front man for this legendary rock group with an iconic look who is on their farewell tour slept with that A-list actress slash singer slash celebspon slash icon when he was briefly her manager in the late 80s. This is a weird hookup story.

Let's try to guess the first one. He sucks. I really don't like him. He's gross. Nick Jagger. He's known, no, he's known for his tongue. Oh, Gene Simmons. Yes.

The hookup. Is it? The hookup was, uh, no, no, older. The hookup was, this is so bizarre. The hookup was in a lot of musicals. She's like an icon. She's been in, um, uh, I feel like the second I say something, it'll just be done, but she was in arrested development.

She was in. Jessica Walter? Oh, Liza Manelli. Yes. Yeah, apparently. Celebrity spawn. Oh. Yeah, because her mother was...

Yeah, Judy Garland. Judy Garland. But wait, what happened? So he stooped her? He stooped Liza Minnelli? I went down a weird rabbit hole because then I ended up watching... I was honestly a list I thought about sinning you.

I went down the rabbit hole of all the ladies, Jean Simmons, his fucking bag. And it's absurd. It's just weird that you're bringing up Gene Simmons right now because a good friend of mine, and hours, Julia Johns, the other day was on a hike in L.A. and saw Gene Simmons. I just looked up the tweet because I told her she should tweet it out because it was so funny.

She's like, it was crazy. I was walking by him and I thought that it was, like, I realized it was Gene Simmons. And the only thing I heard him say was, every day you're alive. It's a holiday. And when you're dead, it doesn't matter. And I think that that's a very fun. And he was like talking to women that had their dogs and they were, just like the dogs were sniffing each other.

I'm like, of all the things to say when their dogs are sniffing each other. But wait, how did Julia know is James Simmons? Was he wearing his makeup? Because he's very, he's very, yeah, I mean, he looked on Gene Simmons. He has a distinct look. He took the makeup off a long time ago. Also, she looked it up. She looked into

it too because he's very attached to his dogs. So she looked it up to make sure that the dogs were his dogs and they were. I don't think I would recognize journalism. If I was on a hike I passed a man, I don't think that I could confirm or deny that it was Gene Simmons if he wasn't

wearing the makeup. It just was so weird to me to think of that, I guess, like, I always think of Lysmnelly's existing, like, way before, like, rock music even, but that's not true. No, you're thinking of Judy Garland. I guess. Simmons served, Simmons served as her recording manager and helped her

career tremendously when he introduced the young Manelli to Walter Yetnikov, who at the time ran CBS records. So, weirdly, a connection there, but apparently they also, it is rumor they dated. Now, here are the other ladies on Simmons's lick list. That's what I'm calling it.

Okay, please. I was like, did someone write that it's the lick list? Now I call it. Also, look up pictures of young Liza Manelli, though, because she's... Oh my God, she's so hot. Dude, cabaret. I watched it not too long. I watched it not too long. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, and also very

talented. It's like Judy Garland, but Liza Manelli. Yeah, uh, 100%. Um, uh, so the lick list includes Katie Seagal. share Diana Ross and Donna Summer. And then like eight famous models from the 90s. Wow.

It's kind of insane, the different women that he's... Isn't he one of those that, like, openly is like, I've had sex with thousands of women. Yeah, he's one of those gross. I always hated him. He had a weird dude. This interview was so weird. So I love fresh hair with Terry Gross.

And she's so professional and she does these, like, she does these, like, really good. One of the kind of interesting things, like, she was doing an interview. with Louis C.K. And he started getting emotional. And she was like, do we need to stop? We can just stop and we can pick up when you're ready.

Like the opposite of what? Like a Barbara Walters or a... Yeah, like, meddling into it and trying to get more. She is like straight and narrow interviewer. She just wants the facts. She wants some information. And he came on and immediately made a comment about like eating her pussy. And she just immediately froze.

And then the rest of the interview is just awkward. And it like ends really early. And like, she was like, that's the rudest thing. anyone's ever said to me. Like she said that, like, right, it was, and I just hate, he's such a dirt bag, man, but anyways, uh, uh, that's,

go back and find that. I guess don't, though, because she, like, hates that interview and all. It would, like, bring it up in other interviews. It's like this regret she had, how she handled it, but I thought, how else do you handle it? Anyways, last but not least,

man, especially if you're being recorded, I feel like my immediate reaction, like, what the fuck is your problem? Like, I feel like, would go immediately, like, drop all of the, like, positivity, yeah, but she's very professional. Yeah, but she's very professional. Yeah, I could do that.

She never gets, in fact, I just gave an example, like she never gets emotions involved. So I think that's why she regretted like even, yeah, yeah. All right, here we go. The publicity team behind this A-List singer are working overtime to stop the spread of negative stories about the singer, which are making him cry a river.

His plan is to try and record music with the permanent A-List singer he once was with. JT and Britt, Brittany. Yeah. He is everything that I see about this man. They're all like, he's a dirt bag under disguise. You all think that he's the niceman that everybody knows, but he's not the niceman.

And I don't know what to believe ever. But I don't know. What do you guys think about it? There's no way he's a niceman the way that he dealt with the Britney thing. Not even back then, if you want to be like, oh, he was young, whatever. This time around when he was like, oh, yeah. Oh, everyone acted like she was crazy. And I guess I shouldn't have also done that.

He was a weasel about this last year. I can't remember the tweet that he had. Yeah, weasel's a good word. Like, I don't think he's devious. I don't think he's like a serial abuser. He's a little worm guy. He's that high school kid. Piss boy.

He cares way too much about what everybody thinks about him. Yeah. And needs to be the most popular, well-liked person in the school. Yes. And we'll do any dumb, shitty thing to do it. Yes. And then also, because he tries so hard to do that, cheats on his girlfriend at the same time, you know,

and because he has to get let it out somehow because he's always putting on this facade. That's JT, right? Yeah, that's what I think. Yeah, and also, like, it really is. I know that I remember when it happened, and of course, I think that paparazzi, like when you're in places where it's like,

man, they're just people getting hammered with each other, but Holden, we have been hammered many, many times together. Oh, yeah. And I have, like, there's never been pictures taken of, like, me with my hand up by your penis on your thigh or us holding hands. And he's like, we're just friends. We're just co-workers.

And it's just, again, I don't know these people. I don't know what's true and what's not true. But I have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, and I don't ever put my hand on the top of their thigh close to their, even hammered. I especially don't when I'm hammered. Yeah, I think I've, I mean, I've definitely had like kind of, instances, but yeah, definitely with the intention

of wanting sex. Yeah, for sure. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, gotten a little handsy with someone who, the next day we were like, we're friends, why did we do that? Yeah, oh, yeah, no, that is definitely, that is definitely happened before. Yeah, yeah, that's happened before, but never,

never, never, like, we're just being drunk friends, anyways, uh, uh, yeah, that was just typically, Sam Ashari recently made an insta post about an article on him in variety, by the way, with the caption, Bringing sexy back is cool and all, but bringing real back in Hollywood is even sexier. So there you got a little jab at Justin Timberlake. Oh, Sam, out there protecting his lady.

Very invested. I think a lot of people online are very invested in the love of Britney Spears right now. And it is, I'm happy to see her happy. And I hope she's genuinely happy. Well, all right, that's it. That's the blind items. And there you have it.

Is it time for some shoutsy out? He can see again. And before we get to the shout-outs, I did want to give a quick shout-out to Brandy, who wrote in an amazing email. And Brandy and their partner was discussing that the fact that we had brought up that we see Cats as a holiday movie. And the fact that Brandy and the partner talked extensively about how, like, but because it, like, brings about this, like, magic. But maybe it's not quite a Christmas movie per se, but it could be a great movie to annually. watch between Christmas and New Year's, which is what the three of us are going to do with all of you guys. We are going to watch. We're going to have a watch along together of cats.

We haven't nailed out. We're just saying this to you to get primed. So start spolution. We're saying it out loud so that we have to do it. Yes, now we have to do it. We're saying it out loud so it's, is that it becomes real. Yep. And now we have to do it. And we're all going to get drunk and we're going to watch cats. And also before Christmas, we are going to have a sing-along of the Muppet, Christmas Carol, which is going to be obnoxious. But I can't sing. What will I do?

I always sing off key. I want to say. Yeah, that's great. I can't not sing. I want you to sing off key. I have to just put like a blet. We'll have to put like a little crawler on my screen that's like, forgive me. Forgive me for my singing.

No, this singing is for all. Yeah, just we'll get you blackout. So I don't care anymore. There you go. That's what we're going to do. We'll get you a hansy with a friend drunk. And then you'll not care. I'm not gonna not sing when I know all the words.

We'll have a meet puke. We'll have a me to puke. We'll have a me puke. Oh, we're gonna get this singing in. It'll be fun. I brought it up to Jackie because we always watch it together anyways. And it's this tradition, I feel like, whenever, you know, it's a fond memory I've had of New York watchings of that movie.

And so why not bring it to the wider? Yeah. I love it. And I'm always the only one who wants to watch and sing in my circle of friends. I'm very excited to have you guys. That's very sad, and I'm sorry. I'm telling you're all going to do it together. They're not on the same page as we are about with a Christmas Carol.

Your cast. And that's where we're going to watch it together. So I'm going to, we'll be posting about that. I'm going to post it over on my Instagram at Jack That Worm, and you can find more information over there once we solidify, because you both have kids. So it gets like dicey with planning things far out. Not me, I'm alone.

I'm so alone Let's do the shoutouts please Come on we got to shout Shout shout Write it all out These are the emails that you wrote it about Come on We'll read them to you

Oh come on Oh I missed you guys last week with this shoutouts And thank you guys so much Resonning in your shoutouts Again you can send your shoutouts to page 7 podcast At gmail.com that is seven to number, page seven, podcast at gmail.com, I read them all. Whether I'll I tell or not. I don't know where that accent came from. Anyway, oh my God, this is an adorable

birthday shout out for a bestie. Jamie wrote in a shout out for their bestie, Emma. Emma's birthday is on December 2nd. Happy birthday, baby, and she is turning dirty, 30. And Jamie says, she turns 30 on December 2nd, and I'm so happy to call her my best. best friend. We met in high school nearly 18 years ago, and our friendship grew to that of practically siblings ever since. From hanging outside shopping centers eating chips as teens, to getting very drunk on cocktails in our 20s, to now having a chill night in watching horror movies, discussing Riverdale over a bottle of wine and listening to B. 7, she was the best woman at my wedding and having her there to keep me calm, and to always keep a drink in my hand, meant the

world to me. Over the past year and a half, we weren't able to see each other much. due to Scotland's three, yes, three lockdowns, and we were stuck in separate cities, going so long without her broke my heart, because deep down she is truly my family and I love her so much. Oh, I hear you, girl. She has just bought her first home in the city I live in and has just adopted a beautiful cat. Congratulations! It makes my heart grow to have her back in my life. You said glow, but glow and grow, and so close. I'm so proud of everything she's achieved, and it is truly an honor to call her her, her mom, Debbie, and her brother Xander, my family. She's an amazing woman and deserves all the success and happiness in the world. Here's the many more drunken nights and many more years being your best friend. All my love now and forever, Jamie. Oh my God, I'm so gel bell. I love y'all's love, and I hope that you make it through all three of the lockdowns. Good Lord. What is it? Omnicron. Omnicron. Anyway, I love sibling love, and y'all fucking know I have a soft for sibling podcasters. McCall wrote in and said,

I love your podcast and I want to give a shout out to my brother and I. Work has been a real bitch and we've both been unhappy working for the same employer for some time. But both of us just got new jobs and we will be starting soon. Shout out to us for getting out of something shitty

and hopefully into a new job that will fit us both better. My brother and I are best friends. He's the best and I hope he loves his new job. We even created a podcast just so that we could hang out and talk about horror movies and true crime together. I hear you, McCall! So shameless shout out to our podcast, Living Viscariously, as well,

so we could possibly get some listeners too. We're on Spotify. Check out Living Viscariously! And I'm so happy for you guys. You gotta figure it out. You know, you gotta make it work, designers. And I love working with my Bro Bro, too. I don't mean to smile at your shout-up, Madison.

Madison, but I am so proud of you for taking care of your mental health. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. And happy belated birthday, baby! Madison writes, I am shouting out Taylor Swift. You're welcome, Holden, today. Because after 27 years of being told I had anxiety and depression, the 10-minute version of All Too Well sent me into a fully-fledged manic episode. It was terrible.

But now I know what's wrong with me, and my new medications are working. Thank you, Holden, for annoying Jackie and MJ with your Taylor Love. And I'm so happy, Madison, that you are taking care of yourself. And I'm sorry that it pushed you into a full-fledged manic episode. I have been there before. But I am glad that, you know, if we can give... Well, give T. sway that Laurel, I guess. And J.D., I know that you didn't necessarily have a shout-out,

but I just wanted to say thank you so much for just, like, the random email of love and support. I really appreciate you. And your email absolutely brightened my day. And last but not least, oh my God, this is such an adorable alert. Nathan wrote in to say happy birthday to their girlfriend, Allison, and asked me to say it in my Twy Baby Edward voice. And you are darn tooting.

I'll do that for y'all. Happy birthday, Allison, from me. but from Edward. Allison, I know that this message is a little too late, but I hope this brightens your day. You're probably in the bath, sipping a punchy,

or just got off work and playing a game on your iPad. I just want to tell you that I love you, and the way you wiggle your toes when you get excited, the way you make yourself laugh, and the way you dance to Bruce Springsteen. You're my Bella, my Christine, my angel of music. Oh, I love you, and happy birthday, baby. Well, it says this is from Nathan, but I'm pretty sure it's from Edward.

Oh my God, how he said sipping a punchy. My drawers slipped off my body. Jackie, this is the shoutouts. This isn't your horny twilight time, but I forget. get because honestly right before this, I was just recording Twilight. So I love you guys so much. And thank you so much for the shoutouts. Please continue to send them in over at page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Seven, the number, because you know, I absolutely love hearing from you guys. And again, the podcast I brought up earlier, Living Viscariously, I love a Sibb-like podcast. I love you guys, too.

And really appreciate all your Spotify wrap-ups. One thing I did definitely learn from my Spotify wrap-up is I listened to that Olivia Rodrigo album way too bad. I listened to it way to it. It is on the top of every single one of my Spotify Rapps list. I am embarrassed by it, but I really appreciate you guys tagging us and sharing the love and the support. I just, I needed it today.

It was great in the middle of the week. I did think that like, oh my God, what happened? Is there something wrong when I first woke up this morning because we are West Coasters? So by the time we get up, most of the world is already awake. So I just want to say thank you guys. And this has been bitch. And get yourself also primed 13 days of Mariah. Oh, baby.

I'm sorry, the 12 days of McDonald's Mariah. I am excited. Download your apps. I'm the 12th day of Mariah. My true love gave to me a sausage bitch. Oh my God, and it's what we've always wanted. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack,

that worm and come hang out on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Over on Twitch.tv. Forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie where we talk about sex. And we talk about fashion. And sometimes I play this week. We're going to be playing Dream Daddy. Nice. Dream Daddy.

And I'm introducing the amazing stylist that I work with. Please look up, Lisa Rose, Lisa Tinglam. And I'm introducing her to Dream Daddy for the first time. Very fun. Check me out, Twitch.tv.TV forward slash holdenators ho. I'm streaming Monday, Tuesday, Friday night. Our Money Pit games on Tuesday have been incredible lately. Fun cast a group. We want to watch like a laugh-in style kind of group of people from my little community, our little community here. And Mondays we do cocktails. That's my night to play video games. Friday, I'm with Jackie. We're doing Jack and we're getting nuts. We're getting hammered. So please join us for those three streams. And yeah, please thank you again. for all the emails you write in about, please send us your meat pukes and celebrity conspiracies and blind items to page the number seven podcast

at gmail.com. Cannot recommend that. Enough. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. MJ MJ. My name is MJ and I'm MJKLKat on Instagram. We love you guys

and we'll talk to you next week. Goodbye. Bye everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsor You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.