Page 7 - Ep. 431: I Gotta Fart for a Living

Episode Date: January 6, 2022

Holden and Jackie are joined by the fabulous Natalie Jean of LPN's SPUN as they mourn the loss of Betty White and goss' 'bout the ill-fated celebration and preparation for Betty White's 100th bday, OJ Simpson's cat's adventures, the risks and intricacies of selling jars of your own farts as learned by a certain 90 Day star, the worst NFT's ever made, the national treasure that is Miley Cyrus and her wardrobe malfunction, Andy Cohen's Iron Liver calling out Seacrest and other hot takes, Kim K unfollowing Miley on insta and Miley's uncomfortable public appearances and possible affair with Pete Davidson, Jackie's push for More Lamb 2022, and in celeb conspiracy corner; Prince Charles not being Prince Harry's real father?! Also an expressive list, the Blinds (minus one stolen one), and SHOUTZ! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A roast as dark as the night, perfect for fueling the crypted research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge! Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the Lett, rebring you, Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans. Go to Last Podcastmerch.com to order yours today.

I was expecting you to go with Thank you for being a friend That was last year, Natalie It's over She's gone Wow Happy New Year everyone And welcome to page 7

There you go Rest in peace Betty White Let's just get it on the table immediately I'm sad to not have MJ here But I'm also though happy Natalie's here For this because You were the first person to say

Hi Natalie host of someplace underneath and sister-in-law extraordinary. You were the first person to be like, rest in peace, you know, she's dead, she's dead! You were just like screaming, she's dead,

the woman is dead. And that it really got you and it really hit you in the nards. Wolfman's got nards. And Natalie does too. What was that experience for you? It seemed like to be an emotional one. Well, man, I mean, I did break it to the group text, yes.

That's true. Thank you, everyone. Thank you. Literally, too, was like, I add or somebody being like, Happy New Year's, everybody. Let's have a fun-friendly year of news. And then you were just like, Betty White. She's dead. I actually was on the phone with your husband when Betty White died. And Henry said it on the phone, and I was like, you're lying. He's like, no, Betty White said.

It's like, she's not dead. And he's like, oh my God, she died in some sort of LSD orgy with Chris Ebb. I can't tell if this is a joke or not. That's right. I was just back and forth. I'm like, is she dead? Or is she,

I'm screaming in the Ralphs. Is she dead? There is, I'm still holding out just like one percent hope that this is a big prank and she's going to show up on her, her birthday for her celebration on TV. Or no. Harle-flying, Frank.

I would, I would be happy. I genuinely, it's really weird to say it's shocking to hear a 99-year-old woman die. I'm calling her 100. She was almost 100. She was there. She was almost there. January 17th is her birthday.

But she's such a vibrant person and so, like, it felt like it wasn't her time yet, which is so weird. And it really made me so sad to hear it. Yeah, yeah. And I actually, I personally was on the phone with Betty White when she died. She was just like, I'm dying. What the fuck did you do? Yeah, I'm dying.

I was like, all right, go for it then, dude. You'll have to fucking tell me about it. Holden did it. According to Vicky Lawrence, who, her, co-star on Mama's family. This is so sweet and so sad what you're about to say. I know the last word. Yeah, her last word was her husband's first name because he had died in the 80s and she

couldn't wait to see him. That's the whole thing too, is that she was like, I'm ready to go. Like, I want to be with Alan. I'm ready to be with Alan again. And it's such a beautiful thing to believe. I do not believe in that, but I think it's so nice for people who can believe in that. And that was the last thing. And I mean, you think about it, DMT, Corset, Corset System.

Yeah. I've been with someone as they pass, and it's just like when they start talking about what they're seeing towards the end, it is technically very scary, but also very awesome and badass. Yeah, one thing it keeps fucking with me, I think I read this on Reddit,

some person who's like worked with like hospice stuff for a long time is like most people, even if they're old, they call out for their mother. There's something so sad and we, and something that just- Happy New Year. But is it like, Are you sure it's not like, see, they're like calling to see their mother because they know they're going to die?

Maybe, yeah. Why, or they're just, that's who they call out when they're, they're unsure and they feel so vulnerable. To me, it's like, you're like, you know, as, you know, I'm, I'm aware of DMT, um, of seeing able to see them as well. And I think that it's part of what releases in your brain as a way to soothe you is that you do apparently see people that you haven't seen in a long time that bringing you comfort. That's awesome. Yeah.

And, um, good. Man, the brain is just fucking nuts, isn't it? So I'll be like, Ronald McDonald's. Yep. Grimmis. You're going to be grimace. That's your way. That's your way.

That's your whole. I didn't even know they died. This is news to me. Whoa. They all, well, it was kind of a whole thing. They were like, hey, let's see what we could do with these guns. They just started toss them around in the circle until they just all got shot and killed in some bizarre gun party.

There was lots of alcohol involved. That's what I call true Americans. Yep. They lived American and died American. Man, the hamburglers down under the table. Don't ask him what he does under there. You don't want to know. Just don't get your legs anywhere near the table.

All this is to say, rest in peace, Betty White. You were a inspiration. It's really cool to see someone just such a long-storied career. One of the first, if not the first female producers of a TV show. one of, is one of her credits, and to just have such a long, illustrious career. And what's so funny, too, is to be like, as we know her, we've always known her as an old woman.

I know. I was just thinking, I was just thinking about that, that when we were born, she was a senior citizen. Yeah. And she was still seemed like such a vibrant person to me as a kid watching her on TV and being like, man, this is what I strive for in life is just to, I hate when people shut them.

down so young in life and you're like you've got potential to be a hundred years old like just enjoy your life and like do fun shit like why are you acting like it's miserable to to turn it's not because i'm about to turn 40 that i'm screaming and also though she oh no i was just say check out our pop history on joan rivers as well if you want to yeah learn about another person that like worked up until like was like loved what they did loved who they were as a person worked through a lot of trauma in their life and was still just fucking busting through to the end. Yeah, totally.

Another couple of cool things about Betty White was she's always outspokenly, not down with the having a kid and just very honest with herself and was like, I just know who I am and I'm a careerist through and through and I just don't think it would mix and I don't think it would be good.

And I think that's an amazing ability to be honest with yourself and to be and to not give in society. pressure's especially back then dude yeah that's what I was about say yeah but because because nowadays it's a little more like normal but back then that's wild yeah and also another fucking fun betty fact she loved junk food her whole life she didn't eat healthy fucking drag baby yeah hot dog fucking that's yeah i mean that's your competition for hot dog queen so don't worry betty white I will forever champion the non-nutricious and yet emotional value that hot dogs place in our lives.

And thank you. But also huge into animal welfare. Yeah. And I like that that is the hashtag Betty White Challenge, which is going around on Twitter right now. And part of that is on her birthday, if you are financially able to, to donate $5 to an animal welfare organization on January 17th, hashtag Betty White. What an awesome, cool, like, that goes to show what kind of an amazing person she is. It's not like, put a bunch of clam juice on your head and spit around. Yeah, that's for Betty White.

She loves being soaked in seafood. That's what we're going to do for Eddie's funeral. Yeah, you're just saying what Ed was. Hashtag Ed Larson Challenge, that will cover yourself in clams sauce. And then you have to put a bucket on your head, and we have to, like, you have to hit them in the head with the book. You're not going to know where the hits are coming from, but it makes you stronger overall. But that is the opposite of what the Batty White challenge is.

I do feel that my immediate joke in finding out about the Petty White challenge is that they have been putting so much into her 100th birthday, all of the articles that have been written about how she's turned 100, how she made it. There's the People magazine that was like, she made it to 100. She did it. Very, very upsetting. but they're still having the huge televised 100th birthday special.

I support it. I do think it's a little, like, unless hopefully there's a way that they are like going to raise a bunch of money. Yeah. Or do something that is good. Because other than that, it's like, y'all just didn't want to lose your fucking money. Which is for sure. I understand. For sure.

But maybe it'll be a really cool celebration of her life. And also, like Ben Kistel said, she was 99.9.9. so like she basically had a hundredth birthday she was off by like three weeks come on what if she like didn't die and she's gonna reveal herself as her alter ego Betty Black oh I like that no one fucks with Betty Black

oh black Betty Ramlam that's she comes out to that yeah it does her fucking rips of rail of cocaine fucking is like ah there's fentany all this and just fucking her head explodes nah that's a lot of thing or she's gonna come out doing karate I just imagine her and like mined to her. Karate.

Karate. Thank you. Natalai. Ascentos. I would love her also just in a coffin and her bustin out of the coffin. That's just fun regardless. Oh, please, Betty. Rips her mask out.

It's Andy Kaufman. It's been Andy Kaufman this whole time. It's been Andy Kaufman the whole time. Fuck. I do felt, I felt it was unnecessary because there was an article. I didn't send this to you guys just because I was so yucked out by it on page 6. that was just O.J. Simpson needed to talk about how his cats always ran to Betty White's house. And isn't that crazy? Shut up, O.J. Simpson. I don't want to hear from him.

Yeah. Why is he giving a mouthpiece? There's a whole article about it. I hate all the ironic shit following him on Twitter and all that stuff. He's a fucking murderer. Stop it. Stop it. But remember he's in his naked gun movies? I mean, he's great in the naked gun movies. I will not. I will not stop watching that. That is one of those things. I will never turn my back on the naked gun movies no matter what.

No. It's like Leslie Nielsen's a, you know, a cum vampire. No, he made it out clean. He was okay. Yeah, he was a good guy. Yeah. Oh, I would have kissed. Speaking of someone who didn't make it out clean,

I guess we're going to talk about this fart attack that had been chast, Stephanie from 90, you know what? I haven't brought up the 90-day fiancé. Yes, we were talking about it was 90-day fiancé. the other way, right, with the hot girl from Australia? I did not see this season, I don't think. Yeah, I don't know her. You didn't watch the season either, Hold on.

I don't know. I'm trying to remember her. I'm desperately trying to remember her because it'll make it even funnier. She was together with the really awesome, very, like, technicolor dream boat from Australia and Stephanie, who was like, like, this is crazy. I'm bisexual. I haven't talked with my mom about it. That's her.

That's her. Oh, my God. Oh, I totally realize her. We all kind of like assumed she kind of pretended. Oh, and I hated how they treated the Australian girl. Yes, she's a nightmare. Because everybody, like, turned on the Australian girl was just like mad her. I was like, dude, Stephanie was fucking with her from the beginning. I didn't go with her.

This is deep inside baseball and 90-day fiancé. By the way, this was just one season of it that if you want to let, I mean, it's some, I don't even remember when it was. It was during pandemic. That's why we probably don't remember. That Holden I screamed about this on talking TV. and that's why I kept seeing these articles. So essentially it is this young, very attractive woman

who has been selling her farts in a jar online. She's been making like six figures selling her farts online, which I've got a lot of questions about the authenticity of that. But she yesterday was hospitalized with not a Jerry-like fart attack, even though, of course, everyone had the fart attack joke from Parks and Rec. Now she's been eating very, because all of these articles, She's been like, I eat only beans and I only eat cauliflower now because I got to fart for a living. It's like, okay.

Do you have to fart for a living, though? She's making a lot of money. She's making a lot of money farting for a living. Okay, my question is that she was hospitalized. Why doesn't she just like keep rotten eggs in her fridge and just put a scent in there? Whoa. Use a spray. I feel the same way every time I drink my wife's breast milk for the entertainment of people, though.

People go like, you could just put normal milk in there. it would totally just look the same. And I'm like, but it's not the real deal. And yeah, I'd love it too. And maybe she loves. Maybe she loves farting. Farting and farting into jars. And that's like a big thing for her.

And I'm so, I can't believe MJ's not here because I will say, yes, I did send MJ's kids a drum set and a karaoke microphone for Christmas. Yes. Yes, her entire, their entire family has COVID currently. Yes, we were allowed to say this.

Which is also why MJ's not here. We love you, MJ. But they say, sent me a bunch of fart material for Christmas. I got fart socks. I have a fart machine. They sent me all these little farty things, and it was yucky. MJ did this?

Yeah. MJ knows, you know, like farts? Yes, that was a thing because I bought their children. Oh, I see, I see. It's revenge. But I will say, those kids have COVID. Everybody's doing okay. They're working their way through it.

But also, they're still playing on the drum. So who is the best auntie? Oh my God. These fart jars are $500. Yeah, y'all. Okay, okay. Can I have a question. This might have to be answered on social media later on.

But are you buying it and then opening it up and smelling it and then jerking off? And then once you open it, the fart's gone, right? So are you just saving it for a special occasion? If I remember correctly, there's something. in it. Now I'm trying desperately to find desperately, I'm trying to find it. There's like a thing that she puts inside of it that is like the like, it sucks up the fart

and that you can smell it in the little thing that's inside of the jar. Oh, like a perfume sample kind of? How it like soaks it. It's like one of those little things that like soaks in moisture I feel. That it soaks in the fart so that it stays in the little packet. But I also

see, I'm just so angry about a lot of this and not because it's like you just wish you could do. It's like, no, I don't wish this. I mean, I think you could if you wanted to do, I think anyone, you're going to make money and it is safe and you're both consensual. Have that. This is not because I am envious, though. She's

trying to create a digital fart jar. Yes. With NMPs. So here's the, I have the Insta page pulled up right here, and there's a little video and it says in the comments, there's a couple of comments on her I want to highlight. She says, so by now

you may have, quote, caught wind end quote that I am retiring from the fart jar business. I read it now. You have to hear about it. I hate it. All the times we've said fart, I hate, I hate. And branching out into the digital world of NFTs,

which is so, side note, so funny, you've heard my rants about MFTs. So dumb. My NFT Fart Jar collection is launched and is available to Mint on FartJarsNFT.com. That wasn't taken already? That website?

I can't believe that. And then down below, you're going to really appreciate this, especially Jackie. Evil Evelyn is the first comment underneath that it just says, you go, girl, fire emoji. Shut up, Evelyn. Go your bug. Take your bug and go back. Under that, this guy named Eric just writes,

it's sad what society has become. But it's not. If people are going to buy it and there's a market there, fucking do it. Like, that's not even my issue. I think that's why I didn't bring it up before because I'm like, ah, that's what she's going to do. Fuck, yeah. but now it's at NFTs.

Now you're making a big thing about like the diet that she was pushing everywhere. It's like, and now I had to go to the hospital for my work. Okay. Called her out for this kind of bullshit pageant drama queen pageantry in her episode. Yeah. So I'm just so, again, Erica, who was the also girl? I feel so bad for you. I even tried to get an interview with her for this show and I wrote her and I was like,

I think you were so mistreated on the show. and I still stand by that, and I think it's really glaringly, obvious, I would love to get a quote from Erica about this whole development, right? Because it is just how, I mean, you know, how ridiculous is this? Yeah, but unfortunately, I have to say

the bad news is that society's always been this ridiculous and sad. We just didn't have the internet. Yeah, it wasn't just, and now we'll be able to digitally buy her fart. So now, Holden has tried to explain to me multiple times, Natalie, and as I've asked,

about NFTs. I still don't quite understand it. So how do you say it's a fart jar? If it's digital, if you can't smell the fart. I guess is it like a visual aid of like a cartoonish fart? I'll draw you a fart for $500. You have to draw your fart for $500? I hate how many times I've said fart.

I hate it. Yeah, this is a lot fart talk for all of us. I don't know. You know, she's fine. She made it through. I am glad that we're discussing it though because it really, it's just been everywhere everywhere I look, it's talking about it.

I almost wonder if I'm sure she's not, but she does seem to like attention. Interesting. And it's like, did she make up that she needed to go to the hospital? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, she said, do we nail down that it was because she ate a bunch of protein bars

and then a bunch of black bean chili in order to get the farts move in and just started feeling like really bad. I think she thought she was having a heart attack. Yeah, she thought she was having a heart attack because she was just like, yeah. Yeah, her whole body was out of whack. And then she went in and they were just like, you know,

and she was like, I didn't tell them what I do. I was a picture of her. She's like a fetish, I'm sorry, I'm scrolling on her Insta. She's just a fetish like a person, which is fine. Yeah, sure. I think she also like has, does feet things in my. Yeah, she was talking about how she's got pictures of her big toe.

Oh, yeah. She is a huge. com. She's really proud of that. Sounds like it's for you. Uh-oh. Yeah, you know me. Love those big toes.

Makes you want to throw up. It's just so bizarre. And she's very, very pretty. She really is. She's pretty. She's beautiful. She's beautiful. I think she could just have an only fans

and be fine with that. I guess if you're getting 500 bucks a pop, you get them out. Yeah. I guess I just truly don't, like, how do you get it in it? then if you're making a fart. How do you put it in a jar?

I don't understand. I think that you, like you said, Jackie, I think she farts on the strip thing and then puts the strip thing in the jar. Right, because every jar has this little, like, red thing in it. So, yeah, she's probably farting on this little, like, it probably sponges up the smell.

And then it's in the jar, so then it probably does contain the smell for you when she ships out. I mean, if she's, you know, here's a post. I made almost $50,000 selling my farts in a jar in one week. I mean, so obviously. Do you guys

want my burps? I'll say you guys my burps. I burp a lot. I'll burp a lot to a thing and I'll sell it to you. But, you know, well, we haven't even discussed New Year's Eve yet, which is why I started singing party in the USA because we got to

talk about, man, what a treasure. I love her. I love her. God, I love it. Now that is how you fucking deal with a wardrobe malfunction. Yeah. I couldn't believe, like, Holden sent out the text. I texted out live.

Myly's shirt came off or whatever he said. Yeah, we watched it live too. Yeah. Crazy. So I'm sure that you guys have already heard about this. It was right after midnight. Miley Cyrus is performing on the Pete Davidson. So Natalie, you watched it.

And Holden, you both watched it. So what did you guys think? It was surprising. Lexi was still trying to put Winnie down to bed because we got home a little late. So I was just alone in the living room when it happened. And first of all, a fun, nice. I think this is the way they should do New Year's Eve specials.

Yeah, I mean, how was the special? Like, what happened? It was great. Music, that was kind of sketch stuff. There was like song parody stuff. You know, it was like a loose party with different people. I think that's kind of maybe a better way, honestly, than some of these other shindex.

And, you know, good mix. Miley Cyrus, Pete D. Davidson just had a good, I think a good buy. And a bunch of other, like, musical acts. Sad how little, how unfamiliar I was with the other musicals. I will say, and shout out to Bunn in the Coven. Bunn in the Coven did send me of our Twitch community, sent me a meme that said, that compared Pete Davidson style fashion, like fashion sense to Rizzo the Rat. And I was like, oh my God, I can't unsee it. And now I realize, like, now that's why I think I have been enjoying Pete Davidson. He does kind of remind me a little. little bit of Rizzo the rat. Oh yeah. I enjoy Pete Davidson. I know a lot of people like to think it's fun to shit on him, but I think he's very funny. I've changed my feelings. I have over the years. I've changed my, I've softened a bit. But, um, so it was great. So it was a lot of performances and

they were like schedicks in between. Yeah. Yeah. But it was, it was really, um, high energy and like a, uh, not in an annoying way. It wasn't like they were like doing the like, everybody smile. We're almost there. Like they were being legit and fun. And Julie and I, Ed's fiancé, we were pretty hammered, and we were just together, it was only the four of us, and we were just dancing and dancing and dancing in front of the TV. And we, so we watched, um, I did dedicate the top song in my brain to you because when I, when Henry called me to say, happy new year at midnight, I heard you both in the background like, nah, nah, nah, I was like, where are you? And he's like, oh, it's just the four of us. And it was like, that hell yeah. Those girls are hammered. A lot of more drug humor than I was expecting.

What was this on? Because, yeah. NBC, maybe? There was a lot of big weed references, like nuggets of weed. I mean, it's my least Cyrus and Pete Davidson. What are they going to do? But still, it's wild how far we've come. I mean, you would never see that when we were growing up.

Oh, for sure. For sure. So that's what happens. So she's in the middle of singing. And you can, if you haven't seen the clip, I highly recommend it because it's like, it was just like little strings holding on her top. It looks, I think it's almost like the Pamela Anderson iconic outfit from the 90s.

It's like a silver sheath over your breasts. Oh yeah, she's fucking got it. I'm in love to, me too. And she had like a little mini skirt that matched in. It almost looked like chain mail, like silvery kind of. And it was held on the back by just a very skinny little string. And yeah, when she was singing, it popped. And you couldn't tell immediately.

But then she kind of turned really quickly and walked off. stage. And it was so cool because she turned around. I watched it again. She turned around. She held, like, you don't see anything. She held up the shirt. She turns back around, rips the shirt off.

You can't see anything. Back to the audience. Singing walks back behind the stage. The backup singers take the chorus for another round. She pops right back out in this huge red, but in yet still very sexy, structured red blazer with just that over it. and kept without not missing a page, it's like that skirt with the like

tuxedo jacket open and it's just like, oh, I mean, she just looks like she chose to wear itself it. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. I feel like I would come back out and be like, oh, like I just like have someone else's tiny shirt on. Be like, I just need to have something on.

And the quips, saying it's still in the most clothes that I've ever worn on stage. Yeah. All that stuff is so, so good that she rolled with it. What a pro man. For sure. And it always makes me in those moments a little bit panicked because I was, I remember watching the Ashley Simpson thing on Saturday Live back in the day, live, like as it happened. Yeah. And explain for the audience in case they're not aware of it. What, with the, with the This was quite a while ago. I think it was about 20 years ago at this point. Um, Ashley Simpson, no hate to

her whatsoever. Jessica Simpson's little. sister, she was singing to a, like, she was lip-syncing, basically, on S&L. 2004. And the second song came on for their second part, because they do two songs on S&L, and they accidentally started replaying the song she had just performed. And her voice started coming in. Her band looked at each other confused. She's obviously not singing into the microphone.

And then they all look at each other. and then she starts to do this, like, silly dance, and then just kind of walks away. And so they just, like, cuts a commercial. And if you think about it, she was 20 at the time. Like, that's also, like, you know, it's just like, what do you do? What?

I know. I know. It's so hard. Oh, you're dead. That's so, even just thinking about it makes me want to be dead. It's so embarrassing. Oh, so. And yeah, it's definitely go watch it.

It's if you want to die inside. Yeah. And, you know, it's not like a, it's the ho-down move that she does. It's the hoadown, yes. Yeah. Oh, I'm looking. at the ho-down move right now. It's the give-up

hoe-down. Well, I don't know what it is about that. That's just like the total just like I give up and... Weirdly do something that makes me look even more goofy in this moment. It is an I-give-up movement. Yeah, and it's no hate to her at all. That's a terrible

nightmare situation to be in, but it is that sort of what a performer does in like a panic moment like that where you're just like, Miley would have figured it out somehow or would have, like, made a joke about it and been like, let's start over, you know. Well, Miley never would have. She probably would have never sunk, because Miley's voice is incredible.

Yeah, she would have sung her own. I will say it's quite the opposite when it comes to Andy Cohen and how he acts. I, truly, I mean, I guess I can believe the fact that CNN won't fire him for how drunk he gets. because so many people now watch it because of how drunk Andy Cohen gets. But he was like, I mean, both of them. It's just so crazy though because Andy Cohen is just so brashly,

so over the top hammered. And then he screamed towards the Ryan Seacrest. New Year's broadcast called them all a group of losers. I was love when people misused with all due respect. There's no respect in this situation. What are you talking about? With all due respect.

If you've been watching ABC tonight, you've seen nothing. I'm sorry. I'm just screaming about it. And I will say, I mean, if you're going to choose one of the three to watch, you know, it's like, it does,

like anyone under a specific age is probably going to watch the Miley Cyrus Pete Davidson thing. And then, like, I would never, honestly, I, Ryan Seekre's, I, I don't think I've watched it in the past like four years Because even since like even you know Dick Clark's like we did a whole episode of pop history on the Dick Clark specials

Like it has a lot of beautiful cool history sure like of how they built it but like it should have ended with Dick Clark Throw it out there. Ryan Seacrest is not for us. He's not Dick Clark either. He's just not Dick Clark. I think he's just a very digestible option for a lot of people. not for me, however. No.

So my thing with the Eddie Cohen moment is, I feel like when I have gotten completely just ridiculously hammered like that, and I'm trying to be fun and funny, sometimes I'll try to like jokingly like shit on someone,

but in a cheeky way, but then you never find the funny part because you're too hammered to do that. And I think that's what he was trying to do. I think he was trying to be really funny and like he thought he was gonna like he was like I'm gonna show these guys but in a way that's like clearly I'm kidding guys but then it just never became funny yeah it is funny I mean it is funny but because it's like whoa bro like not in because it's like oh he's like trying to that's that's a man who's very comfortable on television because to me if I were doing a show on national television and I got hammered I'd be like I have to go sit down for a little bit. But he doesn't care because he's just so used to

doing this kind of shit. It's like, wow, he's been on TV for a long time because... And Jackie and I can attest from our stream Jackin with the Holdies on Fridays. We, I am so comfortable being drunk for strangers on the end of that. I just think that, like, but we're comfortable being drunk in front of our amazing Twitch community.

I can't imagine being that hammered and putting my foot in my mouth in front of millions. Right. That's what I mean. Like, yeah, I would want to, I would hide for three months. It's next level. I don't think I could handle it. No, but I think that my survivalist part of me would shut down. Like, I wouldn't get to that point because some part of my brain would be like,

you're not important enough for your career to keep going after this. But then the one that the video that we passed around wasn't even the Seacrest one that passed around in our text chains. It was the other comedy made. The only thing that Democrats and Republicans agree on is what a horrible mayor he has been referring to New York City Mayor, Bill de Blasio, so Scyonara, sucka. 3-22, it's a new year. He ain't wrong. I mean.

No, but pretty funny. Pretty weird time to say that. Yeah. Also, at that point, he was so drunk. His eyes couldn't focus on him. It's really funny to watch. It is very funny, especially like as someone just in quarantine, just like sober as a cat. Yeah.

I was. So just watch it just like, great. Yep, look at them go. Watching lamb, which is the opposite of any of these New Year's Eve. You're watching lamb? So you watch lamb? And then also Henry gave you a bunch of lamb? Yeah, so I told Henry, and he's like, well, you're going to really be excited about what I bring you tomorrow.

So I watched a whole movie about a lamb baby child hybrid. And then I've been eating lamb for five days because Henry made a bunch of lamb. But my beautiful sister-in-law does not eat meat. So where else is he going to give the lamb? He brings this to my doorstep. I just love that he just still makes enough lamb to feed like a... What are you going to make a little bit of lamb if you're making a boneless leg of lamb? Like, you can't cut it in half.

Yeah, I mean, do you even have the option to buy a small, like, piece of... I don't know. You get, like, chop off a single man. You can get chops. Although I will say I did not know this. Apparently, oh my God, Kim Kardashian unfollowed Miley Cyrus. on Instagram. Well, uh,

Pete Davidson. I mean, uh, there's some shit going on there, clearly. All right, fine, you took my blind for me

this week, Jackie. Oh, no, is that what you were talking about? This A-List, former tween star

turned A-list adult singer isn't even trying to be discreet about sleeping with the late-night actor multiple times over the past several weeks. She went to Staten Island. I think if there is going,

if you're going to know one thing, wait, Wiley went to Staten Island? Yeah. Kim Kardashian went to fucking Staten Island over the holidays with him. Wait, you guys saw her performance, right? On Fallon. The performance of, uh, it should have been me.

Yeah. Yeah. That word, she seduces him. Yeah. You should also look up Miley Cyrus and Pete Davidson on, um, the tonight show appearance where Miley Cyrus is singing a song, it should have been me to Pete Davidson. Very uncomfortable. Also, yeah, it's a little bit uncomfortable.

I mean, I watch it though. I watch the three. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm down. She's still, oh. fucking, of course. She still sounded amazing in that song, but she was talking in midst singing

and just being like, this is a conversation you shouldn't have here. Well, to me, I thought it was like, kind of, I was like, oh, I guess this is maybe a Kim case sanctioned bit where Miley's, like, doing this kind of thing. And so now it's really funny to see, like, no, not at all. She was unfollowed by Kim. Honestly, I've got a lot of feelings about the Kardashians in general.

But if I was in a place of newly dating someone who was very elderly, eligible bachelor. And a very hot person, yeah, I'm going to put Jeff in this situation. If a really hot person is doing this, I'd be like, oh, you should have talked to me first. You fucking should have at least talked with me first. If Marissa Tomeh started.

Serenating. Serenating Jeff. How would you react to that? Oh, well, I would ask her, I say, ma'am, may I kiss you instead? And I would give her my body as sacrifices. She would do whatever she wanted with it. And I would be fine with you. No, I'm with you.

I'd be very upset. I know I don't own him. And I know Kim Kardashian does not own Pete Davidson. No, but when it's just faithful. It's like, okay, again, yes, I'm very much more of a Miley person than a Kim K person. But she like basically trashed Kim in that scenario because she was like, it should have been me in that car. Then other than that fucking bit. You know, like she didn't say that, but she was insinuating it.

Oh, it was steamy hot. I was like, wow, I guess Kim Kay is just like really chill about this comedy bit that Miley's decided to do. Oh, no, no. I definitely, when I was watching that, I was like, oh, she is desperate to fuck him. Yeah. She wants to fuck him and she's pissed that. I will say, too, I don't know in Lexi, but I did purchase her left ankle for $10,000. So I do own that part.

Oh, NFTs. Are you going to start trying to jar her farts as well to sell with her permission? Unfortunately, her ankle's very fungible. I funged it. I funged it last night. Ew. Sounds like funge. Funges is when you throw a cup of cum on something.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't, I don't know what's going. You put a little salt and pepper in it and you throw it. Is that what NFTs are? We just coming on a bunch of fake no artwork? It's not that far off, really. Stop that fart off. Come on.

Oh, bringing back to farts. You're fart obsessed, Jack? I am. Interesting. Once we pop, the fart don't stop. Oh, my God. That can't have priggles. I don't want to sniff that one.

No, the chips, they funge it up. Somebody will pay big money for that chip. No whammies, no whammies. I am excited. I hope that I can't believe you didn't see Kim Kardashian in Staten Island. They went to go see a movie. There's just these pictures of the two of them. And I was just like, that means something.

Oh, yeah. And if anyone that has been to Staten Island, I say this where my dad and most of my family is from Staten Island, so I feel I can appropriately speak towards Staten Island. It is particular. And I would love to see Kim Kardashian getting

out of a limo and just being like, where am I, me? What is this? What do I have to do? A ferry. If you're at her level, how do you get there that's not on a ferry? I think you take a private plane, I would assume. Or a boat. I guess

they each have like fancy boats that can take you. Of course. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Or a helicopter. We don't live that life. I don't know.

I don't understand. Parachute down or something. Yeah. Oh, maybe they catapult her. I just, oh, see, that we wish that she would go with the way that we used to do, which we would just get really hammered.

We were trying to see how many, because they would sell the really big 32-ounce full staz cans on the Stad Island Ferry. Tallboy beers. I think they had Tallboy Coors Lights as well. They did 20 minutes. On the Staten Island ferry. It was a 20 minute ride.

It is so hard to drink one of those in a 20 minute road ride. We would try to drink as many as possible. We would just because it was free or like MetroCard to get on the ferry. And we would do that for an evening. We would just ride the ferry back and forth, run out, run around, get back on the ferry, drink. Foster's, Foster's, Foster's. And then until you're just throwing up off the side of the ferry and then they kick you off the ferry.

I mean, it seems like they're encouraging you to do that. I know. It was, yeah, that was like many of our Sundays were spent literally just drinking way too much beer in a tiny amount of time and then sprinting to get back on the boat to do it all over again. And how we didn't get more sick is shocking to me because that was our, that was a little game we played. Well, let's, maybe Kim Kay did do that. We don't know. She might have done that. That's true.

That'd be great. But that was the other. She's just like us. That was the other shady thing about, that's the other thing with Miley too. when she was doing that, the serenade thing to Pete, she said, I'll go to fucking Staten Island and watch a movie with you, like clearly referencing exactly what him and Kim had just done. It's like, Jesus, dude, like you are, I get it.

But that's so, it's kind of mean. It's the thirstiness of it is kind of a turnoff. I know, I agree. Because, you know what, it reminds me of the times that I've been hammered and done that in like my past, to somebody and then I've been like embarrassed about being too, like showing my hand too much to somebody. Or when I've just been like, please. Please.

I know. That, man, that drips the panties right off. What are you talking about? Why won't you want to? Wine more for me. Yeah, keep whining. I'm going to slip out the seat. I did, you know what?

I don't know. I imagine that the comic book world is very upset about this. But I was just more upset. Now, I was wondering if you guys had any opinions on the fact that Morbius, the movie, the only reason I care is because this trailer has played before every single movie I have seen in the last two months. Jared Leto, he's a living vampire. It's a superhero movie thing that's coming out. Morbius, Morbius.

I was just like, okay, okay, I get it. And they just pushed it back for three months because of everything that's going on currently. And I was just like, just play the movie. Just put the movie into the thing. And they're like, but Sony lost so much money last year. Who gives a fuck? But are people angry about this or does nobody? I think that, or are we all just like in such a state like Wendy going into a bath

where we've just given up and just whatever happens, happens? I think that the movie studios are just using now Corona as a way to get to position their films in the best possible position to get. the best box office numbers. Pandemic! Spider-Man was way more successful than they even thought it would be. And so now it was running up too close to the Morbius premiere, so they had a very convenient reason to push it back

that makes everyone understand. Whereas if they were just like, ah, we're just pushing it back because we want those numbers to go up. People would be like, fuck yourself. You know what I mean? So I honestly think that it's just the movie studios being like, well, COVID has fucked us up. so bad. Now we're going to at least use it to our advantage in this situation and position things.

But it's weird now because Morbius is now brushing up against Dr. Strange. All this to say, I think there's too much of it. And I saw somewhere else too. I saw on Reddit today, I guess it's that superhero movies now take up 12% of the box office in a given year, which is so crazy. And I'm kind of starting to fucking hate it too. And I'm like a nerd nerd. You are a nerd. It's too much. man. I was fatigued a couple years ago. What, what do we got to do? I just, I don't care. We have to watch more movies like Lamb. Lamb, it is an A-24 movie. It's not for everybody. I loved it. But I understand, like more lamb. That's what I'm saying. More lamb 2022. Also, really good when we just watched it. No, it's Blumhouse Sunday 24, but it's called the Deep House. It's pretty cool, man.

Deep house. The whole thing's like underwater. Ooh, I love underwater houses. And I love celebrity conspiracy theories. Ooh, do you believe it? Prince Charles not being a Prince Harry's real father? Whoa. Yeah, I know that one. I mean, I think that this is like a definite at this point.

Isn't it kind of? Yeah. It's pretty much a definite. Look, hey, I'm on number 77. It's kind of a shocker we haven't done. Maybe we haven't done this already. We may have done this one already. I don't know.

We may have done this one. But I like it, though, because you're right. You are completely right. Yeah, it's very obvious. I think it's like a soccer player or something. No, it's her riding coach. Her riding coach. Look up this guy.

I'll give you the rundown. There's some fun quotes at least in here that maybe, we may have done this before, too, at this point. This one comes in from Catherine who says, so I think I finally have something juicy enough to send y'all. We all know that Prince Charles is a hideous troll guarding the royal bridge. And his son, Prince William, is following quickly behind. So how come Prince Harry looks like an actual prince?

Oh, just because Prince Charles is not Henry's father? Israel father is Princess Diana's former writing instructor, the insanely handsome James Hewitt. He's really hot. He's so hot. Is he Redhead? Yeah. Yes.

That's a big part of it. This article does a great job of providing a timeline for all the events. The affair was confirmed by Princess Diana in 1995. So here's the evidence from an article. Oddly enough from women's health, I'm not sure how much this really applies to the health of a woman, but... Oh, I'll talk about the health of a woman.

There's certain kinds, there's aspects of women's health. Can you coach me in a different kind of variety? That's what I bet that she said. Yes, Women's Health Magazine breaks it down as follows. It's a fact that in 1986, just two years after Prince Harry was born, Princess Diana started an affair with Hewitt, the Horse Whisperer, which went on for five years.

Princess Diana herself, this is from the, I'm reading verbatim from the article, by the way I should say. Princess Diana herself admitted that she and Huet had an affair during a BBC panorama program in 1995. Meanwhile, Hewitt mused in an interview, quote, it was neither her intention to fall in love with me, and it was certainly not my intention to fall in love with Diana. But it happened because of the circumstances

throwing us together. It's very difficult to say how physical she wanted the relationship to become. And I'm not going to suggest one way or the other whose fault it was. It developed and it was mutual. Ooh. Here's the evidence against the possibility

of the different papa for Harry has been emphatically denied by Hewitt, as well as Diana's butler and Diana's bodyguard, who did also confirm the affair the bodyguard did in an autobiography writing something very steamy. The pair usually met in an old cottage in Devon belonging to Shirley, Hewitt's mother,

where the creaking bedroom floorboards told the story more loudly than any confession. Yeah. This sounds like that show that I was watching with you while they were having orgasms. Holden, what was the show called?

Oh, I thought of you. Bridgerton. Bridgerton. Bridgerton. And Natalie just went up, just looked up and said, What the fuck is this? Also, the royal biographer claimed

that they did a DNA test to confirm Harry was indeed. Prince Charles. But it's the royal biographer. Right. Fuck you. They could be in on it. Thanks, Catherine.

She's a horror writer. She offered to send us her book. Send away the LPN PO Box in L.A. is P.O. Box 470, North Hollywood, California, 9-1-603. Thank you so much. Now, I do know that Prince Harry is coming out with an autobiographical tell-all this year, where apparently he will be addressing the rumors. and I'm reading just this disgusting article right now.

It's like, the fear was that Harry and Megan had already given away all the juicy family gossip to Oprah for free. But now I'm hearing that the Oprah interview was just the tip of the iceberg. Terry is going to reveal as big thing. He's going to say, all the rumors are true. Yeah, all the rumors are true.

Yeah, Natalie. Me loves, me loves. But I do agree with this. I think that they, I don't know if it, necessarily is him, although they do look a lot of like. He has openly denied it, James Hewitt has. I mean, yeah, sure, but that doesn't mean it's true. You know what I mean?

He might have also been paid off by the royal family to say that. I mean, there's like lots of reasons that he would deny it, you know? Are you saying that the Windsors are complicated? Because I don't know if that's true. Maybe not. So I guess we both believe. There you go, of course. Oh, yeah, I believe it.

I just look at the pictures. It's like that, it's the same with Paris Jackson and Madonna conspiracy. I feel like that might be her mother. Whoa. Oh, yeah, I mean, they do look, they look very, they look very similar, which would be. Maybe we'll never know, but what we will know is what is on the list. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie!

Quack, quack, put on that list. Oh, sorry. I forgot. Oh, it's okay. You're still feeling that COVID fugue state. Yeah. Got English words and expressions that come from comics and cartoons. Did you know?

They're for crying out loud. That comes from sports writer and comic strip pioneer Tad Dorgan. That was created or popular as so many pieces of slang. It's not even funny. So this guy, Tad Dorgan, he came up with for crying out loud, as well as hard-boiled, and, You tell them. And drugstore cowboy.

Wow. What? I hope that you guys are interested in this. I thought it was very interesting. Well, yeah, because... Shakespeare came up with sounds. What? Who did it?

Shakespeare. Shakespeare. Shakespeare. Yeah, get out of it. This is not Shakespeare fucking hour. I did not know that Charles Schultz is the one who created the term security blanket. Actual security blankets were a thing in the 1920s, and the military used the term during World War II. but it's because of Charles Schultz's peanuts, however,

that we use the expression now with a meaning of a psychological rather than physical security. What does a physical security blanket do? I would assume something that either helps you put out fires or something that would help just, like, in general, with hypothermia, like something that's extra warm and tight, you know? Yeah, when you're out there in the muck and the shit. Yeah.

You know all about war, Holden. I know it's hell, Jackie. I know it's sweet, pure hell. Yeah, but did you know that Captain Marvel, but not Bree Larson Captain Marvel? Captain Marvel, the one we call Shazam today, gave us Shazam as well as, Holy moly!

While the expression already existed, it took off as the superhero's catchphrase. Love it. I think that the superheroes catchphrase would be like, oh, fuck, right? That would be mine. Nowadays, nowadays in our messed up society, that's what it would be. Mine would have been, I should add all this beers last night.

Oh, I thought you were about to say beans. I thought you were being a Stephanie. No, Stephanie, no, I'm not, I don't, I'm not a fart in a jar kind of guy, you know what you mean? Mine would be, oh, my tummy. Yeah, yeah. That'd be mine. I didn't know that the word Jeep. You might have heard the word comes from GP for general purpose, but

Jeep existed before that. Eugene the Jeep was a sort of magical Pokemon who paled around with Popeye. And servicemen adopted that name for their also seemingly magical or at least amazingly capable off-road. This creature makes me mad and sad. Why, I think it's cute. Look up Jeep.

Eugene the Jeep from Bob, from Bopi. You think he's what? Wait. I just think he's the kind of creature that would have to introduce himself to everybody in the neighborhood by law. anytime he moved to a new place. No, I think like he'd go, jeep-ee-ee. Because he's so cute and cool, you have to let them know. No, there's something about it that I am skeptical about, I'll just say, in terms of his dark and mysterious past.

I don't have any recollection of this character. No, not at all. I think it's pretty cute, but speaking of Popeye, the word goon already existed as a synonym of idiot. when Elsie's cigar introduced Alice the Goon in 1933 as a villain for Popeye to punch. Since Alice was essentially a hired thug, newspaper started giving the word that meaning as early as 1938. Nice. Creepy, creepy design. Yeah.

Should I be reading old Popeye cartoons? I guess. I bet you they're weird. I bet nothing in them is racist. No way. Spinach. It's all spinaches. Don't worry.

Point Dexter Poindexter has been pretty much synonymous with nerds since the 1980s But by that time The original nerdy Poindexer had been a regular Character of Felix the Cat For about 30 years And what's yucky on this list

Is that it's not a picture of Poindexter The Cat, it is just a picture of a young Child with Photoshoped glasses on They couldn't find a single clip art Of a child with actual glasses I guess not. Yeah, I hate it so much. Imagine being the kid who's in that clip part.

This is the nerdiest piece of shit kid I've ever seen. I don't even carry his not wearing glasses. We need to put glasses on this kid right now. If I wear glasses, I piss my pants. Oh, no. And that's why we keep his glasses strapped to his head. Last but not least, worrywart. A tyke named the Worry Wart, created by cartoonist J.R. Williams

first appeared in Dell Comics in the late 20s. The kid didn't fret over everything, though. Rather, his mischief caused others to worry. The word took on its current meaning after World War II. I like where words come from. I do, too. Etymology. Yep.

Yeah, etiology, Mike. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But that's the end of my list. Holden? Items that are blind, a very fascinating tale that goes back as old as time.

I'm not vamping because one of mine were, let's just say, ripped for me as if like a child from the womb. No, not at all. I'm sorry you were upset. And I'm sorry that Kim Kardashian is upset. What's worse is that was my good one. I would have known that immediately. Our absolute dog shit. So let's just say a blind item, right?

What do you want it to do about? What to do to die today? Is another warm up phrase? You don't have to vamp. It's okay. We have 10 minutes of shoutouts. You don't have to vamp. Oh, no, I think I'm going.

Blind! Item! I can't see them! There we go. I remember. Yeah, totally. Good for you. No, I'm just kidding.

But I do. That was my stronger one, we'll say. That's all right. You know, we're all in the, we're in between nether world at the beginning of the year. year where everyone's still kind of hidden in their little trash cans of hope. And you just got to get out here and see the reality. Well, this is just a fun story in general for what it was, I guess, and also annoying. But this A-list host, who holds down a lot of jobs, decided it was a better career-wise to keep up the pretense of not being vaccinated than make a few bucks he really doesn't need.

Host does things we do, but on a way bigger scale. Joe Rogan. Yes, of course, I'm referring to Joe Rogan. Cancel his sold-out Vancouver date because Canada's current vaccine mandate on travelers coming into the country, which is so ridiculous. But also, he is most likely vaccinated,

but I just thought it was so funny that he ended up just full canceling just to stay on a high horse as opposed to just like giving in and not ruining a bunch of people's nights by canceling. 420 show, by the way, so not just any show, like a big show.

Months away. Yeah. I also think that he's developing an audience who wants to hear that he's not vaccinated, so he's got to, like, stick with it. I actually do think he might not be vaccinated personally. Really? I bet he is and just is staying.

I mean, it could be possible, but he also was given, he was given like all the other shit that, for some reason, people who are anti-vax are fine with the other stuff. that they are handed. The other stuff, and cocaine and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good times. I just thought that was such a funny, crazy, crazy story. And next up, this A-list actress from a recent amazing TV show that we're loving, says she isn't in the cult any longer. One way to find out is to have her speak her truth about it. If she won't do that, then she is still in it or afraid of what they will say about her. What is she yellow? Juliette Lewis.

Yes. Have you started watching Yellow Jackets and that? No, but it's on the top of my list. I'm very excited to. You need to see. Yeah. Take it all away. I'm very excited to watch it.

Also, don't look it up. Do not, because there are just headlines everywhere. It is definitely a show that, at least for me, I usually don't care about spoilers, but when I really like something, I want to experience it fully. Yeah. For myself. So if you haven't started watching Yellow Jackets yet, again, very much. recommend it, but try not to look it up

because things will get spoiled for it. Do you think that Miley Cyrus had intercourse with Pete Davidson? Yeah. Okay. Do you think that Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian are in a real relationship? The end of that blind was she insists

his other relationship isn't real because she wouldn't be hooking up with him if the relationship was real. No, I think that's a, that they're going to say that about Kim no matter who she dates because everything seems manufactured with that family, but it does seem like they were at least fucking. Did you see that huge hiki had on

his neck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That hickie was so big. It was so big. Now, I don't know. You're also talking to a person. Also, but he's so pale that I feel like you could breathe on him and like it would cause like blood to. I don't know. That looked like an intense, passionate situation. Yeah, it was sucking out. But I'm also again, I'm a person that really truly believes that Zendaya and Tom Holland are dating. And I hope that they are. I keep saying I think so. The blind said they were at a fake. Whatever.

I think it's real. That, oh, that part, the, did we talk about this last week? The video of him turning in front of her so she could fix her dress. Did you see that? I think they like each other. I think it's real. Also, though, January 9th, January 9th, righteous gemstones and euphoria. Big night for television when it comes to things that I like, which is a small section of things.

And now for Spider-Man, No Way Home Spoilers. Jackie, what happens? Yeah, I'm gonna give it all to you. I did, Natalie. I did go see Spider-Man No Way home. I did do that. I won't give any spoilers. She kept going, there's a Daya. Every time the Diya is going to be like, everyone in this theater should watch Euphoria.

Yeah, I was. Does anyone see Yellow Jackets? I ruined it for every one. My brother likes Dune. Please be quiet. They did two Christmas specials for Euphoria, by the way. If anybody caught that on HBO season two is coming, everyone was just like, I need to know what happens. to Dr. Octopus woman.

I was just yelling because I was just like, I used to watch Spider-Man because I wanted to have sex with Alfred Melina. I was the only 13-year-old that wanted to have sex with Alfred Melina. But never the other one, the one that was in the pussy Pussy Posse. Toby McGuire.

No, I would have slurped on it. Not anymore, but I didn't have the time. I never found him attractive in any way. Solid to house rules. Remember that one? Remember the kings of Egypt? and the fucking, what did he say? What?

I don't know. Every time Michael Caden would leave, because they're all boys and a boy home. And then he's like, oh, you princes of Europe. Oh, you kings of Spain. I don't remember, because I never saw this. So you should reenact the whole movie for me right now. Oh, man, it is good.

It's set in, I'm going to say, World War II. And a young man is. taught medicine by the doctor at the orphanage where he was brought up. However, when he clashes with his mentor over the issue of abortion, he leaves the home and finds work on a cider farm. There he falls in love with another man's girlfriend but starts to reevaluate his principles when one of the farm workers becomes pregnant by her own father. Ew, also, this movie's about abortion?

Yeah. Yeah, Michael. Yeah, Michael. It was an abortion and Michael kind. Interesting. Different movie. Well, I can see again. But we're talking about Sider House rules.

Everybody cares about Sider House rules. I hope that I'm more of an East of Eden guy myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does that count? No, no, no. What am I thinking of? I'm thinking of the cowboy man and the lady. Oh, in the romance movie.

The bridge? Yes, the bridge. But not Bridge over River Kwold. Bridges of Madison County? Bridge is Madison County. No, but John Irving also wrote the world according to Garp, which is also an amazing movie. but we're now and I've been writing my memoir

and it's called The World According to Holda McNeely and I think he's gonna sue you I think he's gonna sue you I think he's gonna come back and he's gonna sue you and I'm like you know what I think of the world I think it's dog shit and I think it's piss and I think it's dumb and I think it's shit

fuck all of you yeah yeah happy new year everybody well for the few remaining people listening to the podcast at this point I guess we'll do the shoutouts I uh... dodger really where else to

go from here. Yeah, it's time for the shoutouts. Natalie, you don't have to join in with our song. I'm out of here. Oh, okay. No, you have to wait. You can fully. Shout, shout.

Let it all out. These are the emails that you're writing about. Come on. It's great. We'll read them to you. Come on. It's really, it's really beautiful. Thank you.

I think we're going to get sued by who, Tears for Fears? I think that's Cheers for Fears? Yeah. They're going on tour this year. What? That's a weird fact that you have. Yeah.

Thank you guys so much for your shoutouts. And you can send in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Oh, you know this girl loves me a shout out to some goat baby birthdays. Oh, we got some strong knees in this shout out. Miranda, thank you so much for the love. I really appreciate it and it makes my new year's brighter. But enough about me, Miranda wrote it and it's a happy birthday to her besty, besty Tina. Miranda says,

I was hoping to give a huge January 6th birthday shout out to my best friend in the entire world. Tina and I have been friends for well over half of our lives. She's been with me through everything good and bad since then. She's the beautiful soul that introduced me to all things LPN and ever since we always bond over each new episode. I'm so proud of how she's grown over the last couple of years. She works full-time and still goes to school. She met an amazing man and I'm so, so, so, so happy they're getting married. She truly deserves the best. Happy birthday, Tina, I love your friendship, love. And to Meg, another Capricorn and birthday. Whoa. Meg, happy Christmas Eve birthday. Meg says, I want to say a special

thank you to Holden for talking about his shitty birthday. I love this. Here's a my tale of woe. I don't love your upset. I just love that, you know, this is how we get it. This is how we can celebrate you, Capricorns. My birthday is December 24th and has always been generally terrible or forgotten, so much so that my therapist has started sending me birthday gifts. This year, I decided to go ahead and throw myself a party with anyone who was expecting a sad person Christmas, and I woke up with COVID. Merry Jolly. It turned out to be a great day. My boyfriend and I had a movie marathon. We both had mild cases. Oh, I'm so happy. you guys are safe. I wish you all a fantastic 2020, and may we all have some actual fun soon.

This is going to be the year. It has to be guys. And Michaela, you are a person after my own damn heart. Oh my God, you think I didn't know the other sister reference? Yes, I love it and I live for it. Michaela, I'm so sorry that you have quote the ultimate forgotten birthday on Christmas Day, but you know what? No what. No more. It's not Christmas Day anymore. Right now, we will be referring to it as Michaela's Day. Michaela says, here's a self-shout out a few days late for my dirty-thirty on Christmas Day. That's right, Holden, I have the ultimate forgotten birthday, but I like being a Christmas baby.

It's fine with me, period. You always know, it's fine with me, period. It's fine with me. Thank you guys for making me laugh and giving me something to look forward to every week. 2021 was a shitty year for me. I lost my dad to COVID in August, which still seems surreal. And I'm sending you, Michaela, all of my love. and to you and to Hank, the cutest kitty of all time.

You're strong and powerful, and 2022 is going to fly us into the sun of positivity. Is it too much? That's just enough. But get your knees up. Carly is coming through. Capricorn knees held high. Thank you so much for the self-shout, Carly. It makes my heart smile.

Carly says I wanted to give myself a birthday way to go shout out this year. I'm turning 25 on the 10th. Capricorn power, baby, it's all in the knees. And I want to remind myself how much ass I kicked over the last year plus. 23 and 24 were challenging to say the least, but looking back on them, I'm super proud of my resilience and ability to power through the tough parts. I want to take that positivity into this new year slash new age, and I couldn't think of a better way than to hear it in Jackie's dulcet tones.

I love you, Carly, we're going to do it. We have to be this level of maniacally positive. This is my new goal. And I'm proud of you, and we're going to do it this year. We've got another beautiful self-shout from Amanda. Happy almost birthday, baby. Amanda says, I'm turning 33 on the 9th, and I want to give myself a birthday shout-out. I still think to myself, I need an adult.

When life gets confusing, then come to the terrible realization that I am an adult, and I decide I'm just going to make it up as I go and hope for the best. I think that's kind of the thing. I think we're all starting to really figure that out. It's kind of crazy. It's like, oh my God, nobody knows what they're doing. Anyway, thank you for always keeping me company while I bake at work. I'm sure the passerbyes in the wee hours of the morning think I'm a lunatic seeing me laughing hysterically all alone. I found you because my best friend's name is Jackie. That's my name. And she would always yell, that's my name. And I asked where she picked the line up from. I love you guys. Thank you so much, Amanda. And as I used to be, working in a bakery, as in a used to be working in a bakery. I completely understand. And the best way, when you're still drunk and trying to sober up when it is 5 a.m. and you're just trying to make some fucking muffins is to scream with laughter or to scream sing, which is usually what I did. I got stared at all the time. You've got, you've got me. You've got a friend. And last,

but never least, Kay, I care about your birthday. And I appreciate the self-shout. Kay says I want to shout out to my fellow captain. Capricorn Holden. My birthday is on December 28th. I learned very quickly, no one cares or is able to celebrate with me. I had my big 30 this past December. My wonderful, beautiful partner and I stayed in a Victorian-style Airbnb away from the world. Us Capricorns need to stick together. Hell yeah, Kay, I hope you had a beautiful time. And what it looks like inside of my head is like the Phantom of the Opera, and I hope that that's what it looked like. Love you and happy birthday. But Krisha, on the engagement.

Grisha says shout out to me and my fiancee, Stephen. We just got engaged on New Year's Eve, and I'm so excited to be joining you in the soon-to-be-married club. In the club, we all fam. Sorry, I had to quote Alana from Broad City, but yay, we've been dating for six years now, but we met back in high school 10 years ago

because our best friends were dating at the time. We definitely had feelings for each other back then, but we always seemed to be dating other people, and then six years ago we found each other. at the seemingly perfect time and have never looked back and beyond happy, and I can't wait to show you my non-traditional wedding ideas, which I'm sure you'll appreciate 110%. And also another self-shad out to me as I just passed my real estate exam in Arizona last week and already have a job offer lined up. And I can't tell you how fucking excited I am to quit my shitty job and start a new career. Man,

December was crazy and I cannot wait to see what 2022 has in store. This is the. the energy. Yeah, maniacal positivity. Yeah, we can do it. We can be the change. Um, it might be too much and I apologize. I'm really just trying to put it out there. Um, and, uh, Danielle rode in to shout out their amazing husband slash graphic designer genius, Tate. Dude, Tate, if you're listening to this, these cat posters, he me, well, I'm about to talk about it. They're sick as fuck. Daniel says, I want to shout out my amazing husband, Tate. I'm so proud of him and everything he's accomplished over the past few years. He started his own marketing agency in 2020, and it's continuing to follow his dreams by growing his business while also being an outstanding father

to our daughter we had last June. He's also a talented magician, and we said, no, don't do it, Tadio. Oh, whatever was there ever. I got so clever as magical master Tate. I don't know, can I say the last name? Speaking of cats, our new family tradition is to watch cats Christmas Eve. And I love that he loves the chaotic mess that is that movie as much as I do, using his graphic design abilities. He's been surprising me by creating movie posters of my ideas for cats' horror movies, including Cats 2, Skimble Shanks, and the prequel, The Book of Deuteronomy. I love that he puts up with my shenanigans and that we get to go through this life together. He's my best friend, and he makes me super proud to be his wife.

Love you, Tate, and I love you, Danielle. And Tate, if you have Insta, and you. and you can tag me in these. I would absolutely love to share these cats' horror-themed posters. Absolutely amazing. And oh my God. All right, we got a big shout-out from Nico. And this is a shout-out to two people who have made the eternal earworm that lives in my soul, the Riverdale Roundup theme song.

This isn't a shout-out for me. It's from Nico to Trevor and Jesse, and I have something really creepy to say after this shout-out. Are you intrigued? Nico says, My best friend Jesse is the one who turned me on to Last Podcast Network and to your show, and Jesse and their husband even wrote the Riverdale Roundup theme song that plays on your episodes.

Jesse and Trevor just welcomed their baby Rowan into the world on December 17th and have already started him on the left-hand path by watching your cat's Twitch special. Start him young, you know? Needless to say, these two are just, the best people, so caring and funny and deeply creative folks, and I know they will show Rowan the way to become his own incredible self, a wonderful and probably weird in the best way, kid, that'll make this world a better place somehow. Anyway, Jesse has been my bestie

practically since the day I met them. We've been through so many huge life events together, and while I'm in L.A., and they're in New York, I'm waiting anxiously till I'm able to come home and meet sweet Rowan. Until then, I hope they hear this shout and know how much. much I love and miss them. And now for the very creepy thing, I follow Jesse on Insta, and I couldn't remember where I knew them from, and I just kept seeing this gorgeous roller skating flame-haired deity on my Insta feed, and I've been creepily following from afar through their glowing pregnancy, and I was also so happy for you and Trevor, and your positivity absolutely shines through your social media. So, I love you, Jesse, from afar, and your growing family and radiant energy are

22 goals for me. I know it's a little creepy, but I said my love to you and your family. Yeah, that's how I'm ending the shoutouts. Thank you guys so much for sending in these amazing shoutouts. It fills my heart with pure joy. I hope you guys got through the New Year's as safe as you could. And thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts. You can send you in your shoutouts to Page 7 Podcast at gmail.com as well as other celebrity conspiracies. If you want to really upset Holden, you know, you could throw some in there really to just juke them. I think that would be a lot of fun. And I really appreciate it.

And thank you guys so much for joining us. And Natalie, thank you so much for joining us. My pleasure. I really appreciated it. I know that we're just trading in, you know, right now because the world. is on fire? It's very, it's complicated. And the people who are struggling

the most are podcast hosts and I'm just glad that we're bringing attention to it. I know. Did you watch in just like that? I had to stop watching it. I can't watch until I was out of town again, but I watched the first too. I just don't.

You'll give up by episode four. Really? Yeah. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram, but check that worm. And also I would love it if you came and hung out on Tuesdays and Thursdays over on Twitch.

TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. Because on Tuesdays we talk about sex. And on Thursdays we either talk about fashion or we try to have sex with virtual daddies during dating Sims. And you should totally come and join us. And sometimes Jackie, I come on your Twitch and we

ask our lawyer friend questions about things that are confusing. Really upsetting political topics so then she can try and explain them to us. But then we drink too, so it's fun. Oh, do we? No. Holden? Hello.

My name is Holden, and I'm here to say you can catch me every Monday, Tuesday, Friday on my own Twitch stream. Twitch.tv.tv. It's forward slash Holdenaders ho. Ho. Ho. Oh my God. And man has been shot. Oh, Lord. A man has been shot. Twitch.com. TV, forward slash holdnators ho. Please watch me with Jackie on Fridays and really appreciate it. Also, guys, check out that Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. We are doing so much bonus material.

It is not even funny between Jackie's readings of Twilight and other things of that nature, as well as our weekly talking TV. Please, please check us out over there. It is a ridiculous bucket-ass boatload of content additional to page 7 proper. And the page 7 email page, the number 7 podcast, page 7 podcast, but it's the number the numeral at gmail.com, please send in your conspiracy. I'm dying for new conspiracy theories. So I think I repeated one today. It's that bad. I'm nearing a hundred. I'm nearing a hundred. There's not that many conspiracy theories on the planet much less. There's got to be more.

Ones regarding celebrities. Oh, there's plenty. Don't you work. Yeah. Check it out. So check it out or I'll start talking about how the election was rigged. Okay. Oh, I'm running out of conspiracy. No. All right. And Natalie. You follow me at The Natty Jean and I host a podcast on LPN with Amber Nelson called Someplace Underneath. We're on a break right now. Our second season will start in a couple months

but there's a bunch of episodes out and we're also doing some Twitches on the LPN stream. We just did one about Josh Dugger and we're about to do one about Galane and her plight. So Galane Maxwell that is. I don't want to confuse you with a different Galane. Yeah, I thought it was Jiz.

That was the old weird thing about it because she has the word jizz. I mean, people just made it jiz. And my new hip-hop name, by the way, is Jiz Holden. Oh, that's kind of fun. I like it. Hey, it's me. I am a rapper.

I'm really bad at my name. We got to get that. I love you guys. We will be back next week. Thank you again, Natalie. I'm good. I'm good, bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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