Page 7 - Ep. 432: #PorchGooseLife

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

This week we mourn the passing of Bob Saget and goss' 'bout what's okay to talk about regarding Spider-Man: No Way Home, how many movie trailers is too many, the vast differences between movie and TV people, Jackie and MJ having joined the cult of porch geese and discovered the wonders of Miles Kimball, Reese Witherspoon's habit list and Ina Garten's much more relatable one, breaking news regarding MGK and Megan Fox with a special Holden Reacts, the "unique" celebrity tribute to David Bowie for his 75th birthday, and in celeb conspiracy corner; Is Paris Hilton a nerd for ham radios?! Not to mention an inspiration filled list, blinds and the shoutz! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A roast as dark as the night. Perfect for fueling the crypted research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge! Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, rebring you, Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans.

Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. There's a heart There's a heart A handle There's a place Of somebody who needs you Yeah I'm taking it to the bridge When you're lost out there

And you're all alone A light is waiting To He do Bap Bop Bop He's dead

He's dead It's sad It's sad I'm sad I'm so sad I'm so sad For me, too, I'm like, I'm not, like, a lot of people are like, no, Danny Tanner, no. And I'm like, oh, man, I'm really sad because, like, we just lost Norm.

And then we just lost another of what I consider is one of the most, like, true blue straight up comics, comics out there, you know? Yeah. He is just, like, such a fantastic comedian. I just feel like the world does, I know it's, like, cliche to say, get a little fucking more bummed out when funny people like that pass away. Ben of Betty White. It's just like it's just been man, one after the other recently. And this one was just out of nowhere. Totally out of nowhere.

And like, yeah, like I had like. He's in the middle of touring. And, and, you know, like many people, I wasn't like a huge follower of her standup, but probably like many people, my first reaction was to think of him and the aristocrats. Because if you were a full house kid and then you saw the aristocrats, you were like, like, what? It was like this total shock. And so I had this like Dustin Diamond-esque process where I was like, wait a minute, was

Bob Sag it bad? And I was like, no, no, no, no. Bob Sag it wasn't bad. It was just that a lot of, you know, millennials had the experience of being like, this is the cleanest comic on the planet because he's Danny Tanner and he's the host of America's Funniest Home Videos. and then you saw the aristocrats and or you discovered his stand-up

and you were like, uh, whoa, whoa, whoa. And you felt like, is this scandalous? And like, it was actually like a nice experience as an adult to be like, wow, he was just like a guy who contained multitudes, you know? Like, he did it all, you know? Yeah, super funny. It's crazy because also, and I did make the joke of like,

you know you're getting older when I was like, 65, he was so young. But also for this day, and age he was so young for someone that was very healthy, took care of his body. I know that he had just had COVID. Apparently he did. They're saying that he just died in his sleep. They're not quite sure exactly what happened. And he had just done a show the night before. Jesus Christ, really. And he has just like, he's got three girls that, you know, we just, MJ sent us this speech that Bob Sagitt gave to the cast of Fuller House. Fuller House. And it was just, I have to post. it because it just made, because he was just talking about, which I completely, I hear and I

understand of, like, for someone that is a, as a blue comedian, to have a role like Danny Tanner and be the host of America's Funniest Home Videos, like, America assumes that they are like that, but it was a battle for him to be able to be himself, but also playing these very wholesome people, when that wasn't really who he was. Well, and especially like going from, you know, when you start to do comedy post all that and you're definitely going to have a ton of people come. I know Pat and Oswald's talking about this from being on King of Queens. And then they, those bad audience would come to his show.

And so he would always have to do with like, you know, yeah, yeah, but still like, but, but the more kind of conservative, cleaner cut, you know, comedy audience would come out to his stand-up show. thinking they were getting that guy. And then you would always deal with walkouts and people getting upset. And you know Bob Sagga, even more so, because Bob Sagina was like,

Uber filthy in his comedy. Yeah. The reason that I was so moved by this speech that Andrea Barber, aka Kimmy Gibler, posted on Instagram, was like, I assumed that. I feel like I actually really didn't know the guy and I assumed a lot of things in it.

I'm like kind of moved by realizing he's a much fuller person than I thought. But like, Fuller. Fuller person. Is that fun? I assumed that he must have, like, hated fucking, especially because of seeing the aristocrats,

I was like, oh, maybe, because I didn't know him as a comic before, you know, so I was just like, oh, maybe it is a reaction. The way that screech, Dustin Diamond, kind of was like, my reaction to all of this is to just be like,

I'm just going to do the most fucked up shit ever. I didn't really understand that, like, Bob Saggett was like, yeah, this is who I am as a comic and this was who I am as an actor and I got these, you know, I got this role in Full House. So I kind of assumed that he must have hated it and that it was like a typecast thing that, you know, he must have wanted to shed. And when they went back and started Fuller House, you could probably find tape of me being like, those guys must want to fucking kill themselves. Like, they're just doing this for the money. Like, and then the speech,

he's like, I, he's like, he's reclaimed, he's about to cry and he's like, you, you girls grew up with me like you were my girls and this was like a really important part of my life and I honestly had no fucking idea. I really did not think that it would have meant that much to him because I just thought like this is a corny ass show that this really good comic got and he must have been like man fuck this. This is gonna now everyone's going to call me Danny Tanner for the rest of my life. But it turned out at least, you know, from this little video that he said that everyone really meant a lot to him and it really meant a lot to him to like have it come back together for a full house. I know.

It makes me so sad. And I just, I really, like, now that there's so many more opportunities for people that get typecast to be able to be open about who they are with so schmedes and all these things. And in fact, on talking TV yesterday, Holden and I were talking about Euphoria and how, like, Zendaya, who also has Disney Kid, has got a lot of young fans, especially with Spider-Men and all those things, that Zendaya put up a thing on her Instagram. that was like, hey, euphoria is not for young people. It is an adult show.

It has grown up themes and essentially warning people and reminding people that just because she's in it doesn't mean you should let or necessarily allow kids to watch it or that they should want to watch it because it's like, there's a small group of people that I would even tell to watch euphoria because it's very triggering and not for everybody. But I love it. The part that was weird was the end of the post where she was just like, and Dr. Octopus, I'm coming for you. Yeah, she did say that. I'm going to take you down. I don't care what you say about Spider-Man. And I'll fight her for Alfred Molina's love.

Don't you even try me, Zendaya. I'll break you and half. You can't stop Zendaya. I still haven't even seen it. No, me neither. Oh, my God. Well, you've been, yeah, you've been in Plague town. It might be the reason my family got COVID.

We don't know. But. Oh, my God. It was 11 days later. Zendaya? That's right. It was probably not. It was 11 days later, but it was like the last thing that anybody in my house did.

But then 11 days later, we all, not me, but everybody else got cold. Succom. Made it through to the other side. Welcome to the other side, MJ. Yeah, real Jim Morrison. Thank you. Yeah. Break on through.

I did miss you guys. I missed everything about life outside of my immediate surroundings. And now I'm back and I'm very thankful. I'm accepting an award right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, give out, give it all out. I did, I did do it. I just want to say, we missed you.

We're so happy to have you back. And also, Green Goblin, I'm coming. Was Willem Defoe in it? Is Willem Defoe? Oh, he might be. He was, I think that's not a big spoiler because he was in the first room. I'm trying to, I saw it,

but I don't know what I'm allowed to say and what I'm not allowed to say. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, actually, don't ask any fucking. questions about. I say nothing. I said nothing. I say,

Jackie, I will say he was already discovered by fans in the poster for No Way Home, so I think it's okay to say that. Because I knew that. Well, yeah, Gideon. It was, Gideon and John went together, my brother, and Gideon had watched the, every, you know, whatever one to two trailers had come out obsessively and knew everything that had happened. And John hadn't seen anything. And so even, so there is, I feel like that is the difference between some people

are like, I'm going to see a movie and I need to know. everything I can possibly know before I go in. And John was just like, let it wash over me. I don't, everything is a surprise to me. I like doing that. I like, like, you know, new scream is coming out this weekend. I've watched, like, I've had to force, been forced to watch the trailer a couple of times. But usually I like to not, like, I'll watch a teaser, but I won't continue because they get, I am now.

With you, Jackie. I have the exact same. They give too much. Yeah, I know. I, as soon as I know I'm going to watch a movie, like, um, let's, I'll shut off. Let's say a Wes Anderson movie. I'm always going to watch the new West Anderson film, right? I may watch an early trailer to get a little hype about it, but besides that, I want to see nothing more than I.

Because I know. Oh, I remember, too, us walking out of the movie theater and seeing the poster for Royal Tannenbaum's. And we just, like me and my friends, we just started immediately laughing. And we're just like, that's all I need. That family picture, the family photograph, that's all you need, right? I mean, and it's just like, I'm there signing up. Yeah, but that's true in general, yeah, because you keep complaining, Jackie's like a real cinephile these days.

Yeah, I mean, it's just because I have AMC stubs. Right, so she's going to the theater a lot, right? And this got to be torture. Playing with fire, come get me, COVID. Yeah. I ain't got it yet. I dodge it, I dodged it. I dodged.

I'm surrounded by it. Come get me. Science should study you. They should study your breasts as well. Yeah, put me in a cage. Put me in your cage. I'll be naked. I will be playmate of the apes.

You like it too much. But you're seeing these just inundated with movie trailers and you keep saying, you were talking about what one of the stories you linked to was about the Morpheus movie or what Mobius or whatever? And I was just like, dude, I haven't even heard of that fucking movie.

I'm seeing the trailer a hundred million times. Because you see it every other night you're like seeing this fucking dumb fuck Jared Letto movie trailer. There's so many, like because the business is so wishy-washy, right now. They really are not putting it.

So a lot of the movies have the same, like, what was it? A hit man's boyfriend, wife, whatever? I refuse to see it because I saw the trailer so many times that it was like, if it plays again, I will burn the theater down and then I get dragged out to the theater. I'm like, I wouldn't.

I'm an empath, that's what I say. And the men start using the canes on you, but then you like it too much. You just start screaming, put me in a cage. Very upsetting. Yeah, it's a real splishy, splashy movie business these days. But, you know, I mean, yeah, MJ, you're a real trailer fucker. Is that what you're trying to say?

Yeah, you're a trailer fucker? I don't even, you know, so I have a, I'm a TV person and I'm just, I feel like I'm missing a gene that makes me a movie person. Well, you still have cable, though, don't you? We're about to not have cable anymore. That's the big, that's the big Gen X-X. XJ still has cable. That is a headline. I'm out.

I'm out. Yeah. I'm a millennial. I became to terms with the fact that I don't, and I love cable, but I came to terms of the fact that I don't need it. I just need Discovery Plus. But my Gen X partner was very convinced that we still needed cable, but now we are moving and we need to cut some expenses.

And so we are cutting cable and so I don't have it anymore. But I'm just a, I actually feel a little bit better. about this too because having been home with sick kids for the last two weeks, like, my go-to is to be like, let's watch TV. It's only 20 minutes, 25 minutes, and it's a low commitment. Like, and I think some people's go-to is like, let's watch movies. Let's watch, you know, we spent these 10 days watching a bunch of Disney movies. And my thing is like, we spent these 10 days watching shows. And I feel like a judge, like I feel like it's better to be a movie person. But I feel like in my heart, I'm a TV person.

I feel like movie people are smarter and more interesting. And there are so many movies I don't know. I like watching a movie. I enjoy it. We watched No Time to Die the last two nights and it was really fun. But that's the thing. I'm always like it's so long. That's brutal.

Yeah, why would you go for that? I think maybe try an hour and a halfer. But we split it over two nights. But in general, my go-to isn't like, I've got some time. I'll watch a movie. And so as a result, I feel like I don't have these strong feelings about movies that people have. And it does make me feel like something's wrong with me because I feel like I should.

Instead, I'm just like, I like a show. I look forward to succession, you know. I think it's rough either way. I talked to this about, to Henry, I just keep shouting, yellow jackets, when will you begin it? And Henry's the opposite. Henry's a movie guy. He's like, it's just broken up. But I don't see how he got through pandemic.

because he also said every single night was such a challenge because every single night with Natalie on the couch they had to agree on a movie. That is torture because, you know, and then you're just scrolling, scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll and, we did one for me, one for you. We would go back and forth because, like, you can't make both of you happy every night.

That's just not how it's going to, your life can't live like that. You'll just spend the whole time scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. Or kids, Lord knows. Oh, they're screaming of a Roll in a garbage can. But yeah, exactly. Like, with the TV show, you know,

when we land on a yellow jackets or a succession or whatever it is, it's a no-brainer. What are we going to watch tonight? Hey, maybe the thing we've been watching for the past 10 nights. That's the thing. It takes the choice out.

Remember the sopranos? It's so much better with that. And I also, with the kids, I tell myself, like, oh, I have a parent who cares about screen time. Let's do a show instead of a movie. But then I'm like, oh, let's just watch four shows. The day is just an endless 13-hour stretch.

You can't go outside. We don't have an outside. We're in an apartment. You guys both have COVID. We can't even go to take the garbage out or the recycling out. So why don't we just keep watching whatever PBS kids show you have started to watch? Martin Sheen is the voice of the Cat in the Hat. Did you guys know that?

There's a PBS kid show of Cat and the Hat. And I kept being like, this voice is creepy. It's creepy. Not Martin Sheen. What do I mean? Martin Short. That's what I mean. Oh, that's much more fun.

Honestly, it's a lot more fun. Martin Sheen. The president of the United States. Just like, okay. So sorry. There he goes. Showing up in my apartment again. Get out of here, Martin Sheen.

No, it's definitely Martin Short. And then when you realize it's Martin Short, you're like, oh, that's why I was so weird out. In my head, he's doing it like Jiminy Glick, though. Very much so. That's good. Yeah? I mean, it's, I just kept being like, before I realized,

Kideon was the one that was like, I think that's Martin Short. I just had like two days before I put it together where I was like, the voice of the cat in the head is creeping me out. Like it's making me feel weird. You know, but I think it was because I just didn't realize. A little bit. But. I get it.

Martin Short. But yeah. So we, I mean, but they, you know, we have like, we have movies that we like the kids like. But I feel like it's the way that if you're a kid who, grows up in a house where music is always playing, it's a language that you learn, and it's familiar to you. I feel like movies are like that.

Kids who just grow up watching a lot of movies. Movies are something that they're fluent in, and I feel like I grew up more like watching shows than movies, and I feel like now I'm having the kids watch shows, and I'm like, I think it's important for me to start showing the movies more, because I feel like it is like a thing. You want to engage with a longer, more complicated text, you know?

I think it's both. I mean, growing up for me, but I mean I think my favorite place to go period throughout my childhood like all through into graduating from high school blockbuster going to the blockbuster and picking out a couple of movies like was such a bog standard part of my life that was so something I looked forward to. You did live in a bog then. I did live in a bit of a bog monster. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, that was the thing. I'd have to clean up to that. And every time I'd walk in, oh my God, there's a bog monster. But that was also different for us, right? I had movies that I loved. I watched the same movie every day for like years. It was either Land Before Time or Peter Pan, which I cannot show my kids now because of the racism.

Unless they've edited it out. I need to figure it out. But like... They probably just give you a warning at the beginning. Maybe. Does not what Disney Plus does? They're just like, oh. They really, there's some things where it might be worth leaving it in.

There's no reason to leave it in with Peter Pan. Just take it out. Just take it out. But like, but, but like the thing of going to Blackbuster and picking out a movie was so exciting. But then it was different with us because then you'd be like, I'm going to watch this movie like four times before I return it. You know, with streaming, it's just so different to be like, I have a new thing all the time. I find it to be too daunting and too overstimulating, you know. But I feel like it is important though for young people as someone that has been more around tweens and teens of like the now.

with all of the YouTubes. Oh, what they put on the YouTube. That everything is so quick. That algorithm, yeah. Yeah, and everything just kind of shows up for them that, like, I feel like a lot of young people don't give a fuck about movies anymore. And I keep, and I mean, don't even get me started again

on Nicole Kidman, trying to get everybody to go to the goddamn movie theaters before every movie. Because everything's like, everything magical happens in the movie theater, which she's kind of right. I didn't realize this, though. But think about the last.

movies she's done, they've all been direct to streaming services. So it is so fucking hilarious that she is the spoke person. We're talking prom. We're talking the Lucille bulb. Yeah. Biopic. It's all fucking straight to streaming. And yet she's tried to be the face of go to the movie theater.

And yet the movie she's in says, stay home. Well, I'm also, Jackie, I'm going to question anything you have to say about children because MJ, you had to see this last Friday, okay? Jackie got this porch goose. Stop talking about Gloria. Like she doesn't have a name. She said me at porch goose. We've got a porch goose.

I know. It's terrifying. And so we brought, so Lexi came to pick my drunk ass up from Jack in with the holdies every Friday, 6 p.m. ET on my Twitch channel. And we get there and then she's like, let me show the porch goose. Let me show Gloria. I'm sorry, let me show Gloria to the baby or whatever. And then she was doing this like witchcraft thing on my baby

where Lexi was holding the baby and I kept going stop, stop this. And she was just holding the porch goose up. And she just literally kept repeating, she's part of the family. She's part of the family. I didn't want. We need to be scared of Gloria. It was horrifying, Jackie.

I mean, you imprinted, I think, on my daughter. I think she's going to turn into a goose or something. Your wellness comes to me. She's just going to love porch geese. like my children. My children are obsessed with the porch goose Jackie sent. Thank God. Jackie sent it at the exact right time.

We got home. I think I can't even remember what it was that we got home from. I was like, it was when we realized that Zelda was like very sick. And Freddie like needed some attention. And we were like, look, a package. Let's open it. And it was a fucking miracle goose that just was exactly what Freddie needed at the time that we were like. Some people know what the porch goose means.

She's part of the fan. But why would you chant that over and over and every? It was horrifying. Because she has a little, because Gloria's got a little hat on and she is a part of the family. What's your goose dressed as, Jackie? My goose is dressed as the Statue of Liberty because Jackie sent me a goose and sent only one costume, which is the strangely patriotic choice of Lady Liberty.

It's nice that you think that Lady Liberty represents justice. So that's why you said Lady Liberty. but you know in my house we aren't real into symbols of patriotism. And so it's like, it's a confusing choice. My children decided that it's a nurse wearing surgical scrot. See, then that's great. I was going to get them some sort of occupation because they do have go. They have like Dr. Goose outfits.

The problem is a lot of the goose outfits that were on the website that I was looking at just turns them into other animals. and I didn't want the goose to be dressed like a bunny. That's weird. But I didn't want the goose to be dressed like a bunny. But I have found, and I did send this to you on Etsy, there are so many goose outfits. And now the problem is, MJ, you're going to have to,

you're going to have to fight with me to stop sending you goose. I will never fight with you about that. Especially, you should definitely do, continue to do politically like, connected ones. There's an Uncle Sam one. Yeah. I will fight you about, Don't send me increasingly conservative, patriotic.

What about a referee? This is the problem, Miles Kimball. I'm going to throw this out you at you. Now, I loved Miles Kimball growing up because I used to get the catalog all the time. I love that catalog, man. It has like a bunch of, like, your dad loves fishing. Here's 10 pages of shirts about fishing for your dad for Father's Day. That kind of catalog.

Exactly. Miles Kimball was always the one that I would like circle the things in the catalog, the things that I would want. And because last year I wanted a porch goose and Jeff couldn't find me one. He looked everywhere and he couldn't get me one because it was like the middle of the pandemic and I guess that was like a big time for Portuguese.

So we got me for Miles Kimball for Christmas. Big ups, Gloria. I'm looking at you, girl. She's right next to my desk so that she can watch me work or else she gets lonely. And have I pretended like Gloria is my child a couple of times? Yes. But she won't suck.

She won't take to the teeth. I don't know what to do. We'll talk about this afterwards. So right now, Gloria likes to watch over me. And when I found out that you get him at Miles Kimball, it was like, Miles fucking Kimball. Way too excited. You can make the goose a referee. I'm not going to buy a referee outfit for the goose.

Why not? It's game day. Put a referee. I'm having friends over for the Super Bowl. You guys have your game days? The porch is a goose referee. Yeah, I used to have people over for the Super Bowl. I never cared about it, but I like Buffalo Wigs, you know?

Yeah, well, there's, I could. have gotten them either a genderized racist pilgrim outfits or Native American outfits. This is the problem with Miles Kimball. So here's the thing. I almost bought them the giraffe because you could turn the goose into a giraffe. I know your kids love giraff. Brady would love that. But that, then you don't see the goose anymore.

Then it's a giraffe. It goes fully over the goose? Fully over the goose. You just see their wings, but you don't see the rest. This is what I'm saying, MJ. I struggle. Yeah, no, you made the right decision. into a fucking watermelon slice, Miles Kimball.

Why? You can turn it into a watermelin slice. They're misunderstanding. A porch goose is, and this is going to be a struggle with my children, I already know, I'm going to put it, because we're moving to a place that has, it's like a very New York porch. It has a stoop that is behind a gate next to a bodega, so the goose will be imprisoned in a gate. Fine.

In prison, we love. I grew up in the Midwest, and this is what a pooh. Porch Goose is for a porch goose is supposed to change their outfit approximately once a month based on whatever seasonal holiday. And if it's a bullshit month like January, then yeah, put them in a referee costume, call it the fucking Super Bowl. I don't care. You know, you got to figure out something for the off months. But they're not supposed to just dress as a watermelon. That's not seasonal.

What are you even talking about? I guess it's summertime? No. But I, no. Jesus what I'm saying. That's why I got you. I was like, well, your husband is a lawyer. He loves the statue of Liberty.

He must love Liberty and Justice for all. The French and, yeah, absolutely. I thought about it. Poor Jeff had to listen to me to discuss the outfits for at least 15 minutes before I purchased the Statue of Liberty.

This was not just, this wasn't just a random choice, MJ. Well, the goose has kind of limp arms because it has, you know, obviously a goose has wings and the porch goose doesn't have like, it's not a puppet, it's a statue. So they add them into the outfit. Yeah, it's crucially a statue.

But then the costume is as if it's a puppet. Like, there should be little sticks attached to, like a marionette attached to the arms because you just have kind of these That's why you move them around like she's dancing. That's why I dance with Gloria. You have these kind of limp Lady Liberty arms that have the torch, you know, coming off. But Zelda has decided that the.

torch is a bottle of water and she likes to make the goose drink out of the bottle of water. That's very troubling. It's a torch of enlightenment. The goose is drinking from the torch of enlightenment. Yeah, it eats flames. That's terrifying goose. Just saying it's going to become sentient and you better treat that goose right. At least it's a doctor. Yeah. It's a doctor and it's gonna live in our house. Unfortunately, it is, my crusade will be to make it a porch goose and my children's crusade will be to make it a house goose, and that is where we're gonna be. So did anything happen in celebrity pop culture this week or what?

We are talking about geese. Bob Sagitt died. Other than tragedy, other than horrible tragedy. We do have to talk about. Talk about how page seven this could be. The thing that I said after I'd already said our... Is it the Reese Witherspoon, Ina Garden thing? We are talking about Reese Winsworth's Thank you. Because this is

this just really goes to show Reese Witherspoon put up a tweet and said let's talk about habits Are there any that have improved your daily life? Here are some I'm working towards Number one start the day with a big glass of water

Number two get 10 minutes of Outdoor Light Number three spend 30 to 60 minutes Reading without distraction every day Number four In bed by 10pm No late night TV binges Try to get eight hours of rest

Reese, in a beautiful world, I hear you, I understand you, but that's bullshit. Can we just throw it out there? It's bullshit. And what does Eina Garten respond with? I love it. To quote Reese Spitherspoon, that sounds great, but I'm probably not going to do any of those things. L.O.L. My formula is easier to follow.

Number one, drink more large cosmos. Number two, stay up late watching addictive streaming series. Number three, stay in bed in the morning playing Sudoku instead of reading a good book. Number four, spend more time safely with people you love. In a pandemic, I do what I can. Here, here, here, here, fucking here. Very nice. Anti-capitalist, Ina Garten.

I'm calling it here. Don't do your hustle culture. It's a pandemic. Relax like Ina Garten. She's right, man. Honestly, her suggestions aren't that crazy. It's just like when I'm just so sick. of, you know, old man, holding internet

corner now, like, especially celebrities, but this, all that the lifestyle, inspirational like shit, it just comes off as so fucking full of shit. You know what I mean? It just comes off so, you know, it's just, or just annoying. You know? You don't need to do that.

Like, Reese Witherspoon doesn't need to tell us those things. There are things that you could do in the middle that are good for yourself, that are self-care. There are things that you can do that are actually manageable rather than saying that you're going to read for an hour uninterrupted. Olden, MJ, when was the last time you guys had the time to read for

an hour uninterrupted? I started a book in the summer when I went on vacation. I did start a book. See? Yeah. I mean, I get me time to do stuff, but what if I want to play a fucking video game? Yeah, exactly. That fuck about. Yeah, and just like, whatever, I don't know.

Just let's talk out, like, opening up, like, let's talk about this. We're going to have a conversation about this. It's like, no, bitch, We don't have to have a conversation about shit right now. Just fucking post your fucking, my life's great picture and move on. Or be like, this is what works for me. Like, like, for real, there have been, like, mommy bloggers who've posted shit that's like, this is what works for me.

And, like, one of them was like, what, like, some lady I follow was like, what works for me is waking up before my kids so that I can have a shower and have a cup of coffee before they wake up. And that might sound like totally nightmarish, but it ended up just. being something that worked for me. I did that all last year and it worked awesome for me. This year it is not working for me. I'm not getting enough sleep.

I can't do it. So it's like I feel like it, if you frame it, like what I have found helps me in my anxiety is I put my phone away and I read for an hour. Then right on Reese Witherspoon, but like what works for in a garden is to just drink endless fucking cosmos. And what I tweeted was I am so comforted. I find it so shocking that Ina Garten is also living in a pandemic.

I think that she should be living in this otherworldly, not like the pandemic shouldn't affect her. And granted, it probably really doesn't because she's very rich. But like, just the fact, I find it comforting. No, she has to have smaller dinner parties, MJ. Smaller dinner parties. She can't have the dinner party. Give out the Binax rapid test beforehand, you know?

But like, I find it comforting that this bitch who is in, that she's like, I'm just trying to fucking get by and I'm drinking and I'm seeing my friend. where I can because guess what, that's how I'm trying to get by too. And sometimes I'm more of a race. Sometimes I'm like, I gotta go to bed. I got to get outside. I got to be disciplined. Most of the time I'm more like an Ina. And it's like whatever works for you so you can survive. No one is thriving right now. It's the framing of it all, right? Because it's the same thing. I mean, there's another story related to the, imagine all the people. But it's the frame of it. It's like the intention might be good. But frame it exactly, MJ. Like, hey, let's talk.

about things that help us, like, get through the day a little bit better. For me, I know I need directs, I mean, honestly, everybody needs vitamin D pills or direct sunlight, but still, I need direct sunlight, I need to wake up in the morning and, you know, I need eight hours of sleep. Because honestly, too, some people operate on fucking, I don't know how, like, six to seven hours of sleep every day. I can't. I'm a fucking giant baby about sleep, right? Like, I need more of it, I think, than most people. I need eight to nine. I cannot function on seven. I can. I am, I'm, all I'm thinking about, I'm just, it's like I'm hungry for sleep. All I can think about is getting that next chomper of sleep in my life and, and nothing else. I don't care about anything else, right? I'll watch

a man get knifed by another man and I'll be like, huh, that's fucking whatever, interesting, I guess. Yeah, that would be a little interesting. I guess. You know what I mean? Do you need help? I'll be like, do you need to get some sleep? You know what I mean? Whereas normally I'd be mortified. But that's just the way it is. What are we talking about again? Chop, top, top. Almost as interesting as the breaking news that just came out.

Did you see? What's the breaking news? Breaking news. Jackie with the breaking fucking news. Megan Fox and machine gun Kelly are engaged. I thought you were going to say broken up. Thank God. Well, good for that.

They're engaged. Don't worry. They're drinking each other's blood. And he had a really. cool ring made for her and that's great you know love making would make Lucifer himself clotch his room just so it is it's a little much it's a little much I I'm all for it I want to see what oh there's video yeah yeah yeah oh okay I'm watching this now no I've reacts oh hold and reacts to the video oh I'm watching

is that his beautiful mansion tree it's a bunyan tree a bunyan tree and Megan Fox's got her hands in front. She's reacting very normal. Oh, but she gets down on his level. That's cool. She gets down on her knees. Oh, that's fun. And accepts.

Yeah. Oh, she's crying. Oh, they hugged. I'm kind of fine with that. Oh, my God, they're fucking. Holy, oh, Jesus God. You imagine. No, they're probably, I think I can hear them fucking right now.

Like, I think that you, it's echoing through the hills of Hollywood. I can certainly hear the clinking and the clanking of Lucifer's very own rosary. No, I think that's just their. bones slapping against each other as they bang. Yeah, yeah, for sure. No shade. Good for them. So, by the way, my brother sends me a text of a picture of the Machine Gun Kelly's CD on a desk and just says,

this was on Dad's desk. What the fuck is happening right now? Like, or whatever. And it was so funny because I wrote it back, I was like, dude, that's crazy. No joke. I'm weird. I'm low-key obsessed with that album. I think it's fantastic.

Also, I'm Loki, the God of Mischief. and he was just like laughing at me, laughing at my dad. He just thinks it's so funny. But I also have to say, dad, why are you listening to Machine? How did your dad get an album of Machine? He still gets CDs. I think he's still a member of the Columbia, you know, whatever that thing was. CD of the Month Club or whatever.

Oh, my God. Have you talked with him about this yet? No, I mean, I don't even know where to begin. I mean, you know, I do like he's a bit of an audio ass. audio not. He'll try some new flavors, you know what I mean? He'll get some stuff

that's like, that's like a little outside of his scope a little bit, which is kind of fun. But yeah, I was not expecting that. I might have to have a very deep conversation with my dad about the state of pop punk today. Yeah, go for him.

Wow. I mean, obviously, the opposite of audio nots, we are going to talk about the video that you were referencing earlier that is a little galgadowy of these young girls. of our young people, Zendaya, Willow Smith, and Kiernan Shipka did this. It's bad.

Now, the thing is, my problem is that I love Zendaya. I love Willow Smith. She can do no wrong. Kiernan Shipka, I think, is keep on, keep on. But they did this, the David, they did a David Bowie cover of the song, Chach, Chach, Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, you know, we know the song. Of the album, Hunky Dory, if you've never listened to Doggy Dory before, it's one. the best albums ever cut. Oh, sit.

Get high and sit and listen to it what I would get to listen to it for the first time. I'm jealous of you if you have not heard that album yet because you get to hear

it for the first time and I never get to again. That's gonna be me. That's gonna be my. Oh. How dare you MJ? I'm just saying it's gonna be my because I've never said.

I know, how dare you reference in sync at a moment where we were trying. Now you're just as bad as the ladies in that video. But aren't you glad that I get to? You just said You would be glad that you get to do it.

And I'm going to be glad. Holden. Because you, this is the problem. You need to give yourself more of a music education. If the first thing you think of is an in-sick song here, we're talking about. Don't you? Don't you jump on that musician. David Bowie.

I'm just getting your hard time. I'm actually really excited for you. No, it's going to be awesome. You've never heard Hunky Dory. Clearly you didn't go to college with Jackie and I, because it would have been inescapable. No, my college experience was more just like the magnetic fields. Needle in the hay

Needle in the hay Oh yeah Yeah, there was a lot of that But the thing is they did it for David Bowie's 75th birthday and they released this I don't understand I'll immediately want to go to their defense I was like they are young

Don't hold this against them If they are reading Because they were reading the lyrics Off of a page openly They didn't even have a teleprompter They were looking down at a page Okay, number one thing I will say is that they were doing it in a stylistic way,

which we all know that if you're singing a song that you know the lyrics to, but you're singing it differently, or you're saying it differently, sometimes you forget. So it is easier to read. Like, even in the same way of, like, if you're doing an audition and you're reading it

in a different way, sometimes you drop the line. So I understand that. However, give them a teleprompter or make it not quite so obvious, but also it was just very uncomfortable. It's the lack of backing trend. and that's the same problem that Imagine has. So not only is it like,

imagine has its own bad taste stuff going on. It's an own thing. It has layers of bad taste. But part of why it was so laughably terrible was the fact that they're doing this weird like a cappella thing, but they're not like doing it in a way that says they really rehearsed it or anything.

So it just comes off as sloppy and like stupid, especially add the reading directly off of the paper bullshit. It's just, it's just bad. It's awkward and bad for sure. And like, listen, I'm not gonna defend pentatonic right now, but if you're gonna, there's just, you can do, if you're gonna do acapella. Pentatonic, such a sake.

I get it, I'm with you. Talking about the David Bowie album. I'm drinking, I'm with you. I'm just saying, you know, everyone thinks it. You can do acapella, but not everyone can't. And in fact, most people can't. Almost no one can. Only pentatonics can and maybe like two other people.

They're in the same room together. singing a rehearsed thing. This is just like three different... No, J. You missed rockapella when you were saying that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right about. Three different women are in three different shots

singing what seems to be three different songs. Yeah. You know what I mean? It is so awkward. I don't understand the decision making. And especially after imagine, blew up and became this really embarrassing thing. Like, why would you recreate that? Celebrities doing something stupid.

And I don't think it's disrespectful. I just think it's disrespectful. fucking awkward and like just it sounds bad and it's not dude and this is probably because they couldn't pay the money to actually like use the actual song what would have been so much better is play just play the song and have them like dancing totally in like a studio space like to the song 100% and maybe singing along a little bit with it every now and again but um yeah just like just on all levels stop having actors uh not even occupied i don't even know it's its own thing it's call it should be called like not not capella or something because they're like not doing it in a

harmonious way they're just like sort of disjoinedly singing it and we're like cutting to awkward shots of them doing it it just is like i was just watching it again as you were talking and like and willow does like the and i'm hard so to face me and then they go like hey willow hey it's me it's like what are you what is how like what are you doing i just i really so again i like these three young people. They're three very talented young people. Why did they do? They must have gotten paid to do it.

But do any of them need the money to do something? Like, I feel like if I saw it afterwards, take the money back, I don't need it. And they all have good taste. Like this is the most confusing thing to me about this one, as opposed to like Gallaudot, I'm like, I can't speak for your taste.

I think it's probably not that great. Whatever. Like these like are young, talented people with like, good style, good taste, good, like they're good. Why would you do a bad thing if you're good? It happens. And what's the for W magazine?

Yeah, I mean, it's definitely largely W magazine's fault. The other thing that they have good taste, but the other thing they don't have is any, to my knowledge, connection to like the music of David Bow on any level. So you're not associated with it at all. Have someone that's young that loves David Bowie. Like, you know, you put someone like Harry Stiles who is obviously very influenced by David Bowie, that would make a lot more sense.

And I'm sorry that we're still talking about this, but I had so many feelings about this video. It's because you can find another young person who likes David Bowie. It's like if David Bowie doesn't mean anything to these three people, then why sing him when you could find another young celebrity who could sing him or you could sing something else? I think that's the crux of it.

Yeah. Yeah. And reading off the page is just so bad. Especially for changes. It's like... It's not even that... Which is the iconic. It's one of his biggest songs.

Yeah, yeah. That's the song we put on and everyone in the room would scream the lyrics to. So, like, I don't buy that you're this, like, huge Bowie fan that's here paying tribute.

It just feels like people trying to be cool and do cool stuff. And I hate that. It makes me... It's, like, so grating. It's like nails on a chalkboard watching people, like,

especially on the younger side, like be cool and do cool stuff. And if you don't know it, that's okay. You know, like, there's the TikToks of like all these like good Beyonce songs and stuff coming on and like young people being like, I don't know what that is. Like that's fine. Young people don't need to know David Bowie per se. But if you are going to perform David Bowie, then you probably should, right? Well, you guys might need to know about this celebrity conspiracy.

Whoa. Do you believe it? Is Paris Hilton? a nerd for ham radios. I don't even understand how this is actually a conspiracy thing. It's so uncontroversial. I have been learning about, except it kind of is

because ham radio is actually like this whole underground thing that actually is I don't think that like obviously not run. I've been reading a lot more into it because Jeff had a friend that was really into it and he was telling me about how you can send signals

to the moon. I'm gonna I'm hashtag nerd girling but I'm not doing it right now. They send it to the moon, and then the other person is not on the moon, they're on the earth. And then you send it through the moon and then they get it from the earth? You have got to stop microdosing on mudges. Man, my mind is better now.

You talk to a porch goose, you named Gloria. Don't say it. Gloria, don't listen to him. He's don't. I know you're still wearing your Santa outfit. Even if Gloria could hear, she wouldn't be able to because you're wearing a head for. Well, she can't hear you because she has a hat on right now. In a Santa suit, by the way, I need to mention that as well.

Because the only outfit I have is the Santa suit. Okay, but the only outfit I have. You, I'm sorry to do this, but you understood the assignment. Gloria understood the assignment. You're supposed to wear off seasonal fucking outfit. That was all, Jerry. That was all Jeff. But now she's out of fashion and what do I do?

Yes, now she's out of fashion. It's very exciting. Listen, she needs to either get a shirt that says, like, I love Martin Luther King or she needs to get a fucking referee shirt for the Super Bowl. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go referee shirt because I just don't know if the other one would be taken.

That's the Portsgoose version of the Imagine video is that getting that shirt. A Portuguese being like, this month's holiday is Dr. King Jr. Day and I support that. I love it. But then put a stack of books next to her. I just feel like you need to know

live on air right now, MJ though, that you can get wigs for your porch Gis, just saying, just say! All right, can we plea, I'm so upset I brought it about I don't know why I was bringing up. You did it. All I want to do is talk about the porches. So this conspiracy theory,

I think other people may have written in about this before in the past, I apologize if I'm not reading yours right now. This has been one that I've never done yet, but I am slowly coming to, I think, the end of what, I literally think I've done every celebrity conspiracy ever made. And this one, I was just like, this is, how is this even a,

because she's just, it's a hobby she has. I don't understand why this would be, you know, it's celebrity conspiracy, but either way, it is very interesting. Once you read about it, Riann wrote in about this and said, I read this theory on Reddit many, many years ago,

and it has stuck with me ever since because I so desperately wanted to be true. The story goes that Paris Hilton secretly collects and restores vintage radios as well as participating in hand, Ham Radio. This dates all the way back. And if you don't know Ham Radio, that's like, it's kind of its own radio signal where you can get on there and like Roger, you can like talk to people through it. And it's this kind of archaic thing now. But, you know, because we all have cell phones.

But, you know, it's like a way, a new way of different way of communication. And yes, there's interesting science-y stuff going on. What is this text I got from Jackie? Guise Clothes and more. You can send it, by the way, Jackie, you can send this just to MJ. Because I, uh, porch goose, I have not. No, I mean, I'll be sending to both weeks to the goosebumps. Unbelievable. I'm trying to talk about it. I know, I know, I know, I'm going to have radio.

Unreal. Uh-huh, uh-huh, go on. Uh-huh. Porch goose clothes website. All right. So the evidence this dates to be all the way back to 2006 when a poster popped up on red wave radio.com, claiming to have spotted Paris at the New York Hall of Science looking to get a ham radio license.

Then there's the ham radio convention in the, German city of Friedrichshafen. Rianen writes, we all, we know from this, his, we know from this random ham enthusiast Nigel's very old school website that the 2006 convention took place 23rd to 25th June. We also know from this Getty Images photo that Paris Hilton was in Germany on June 27th. I can vouch. It was all linked to. I went through a heavy process of validating everything.

As you know, hours and hours validation strategies on my part. Rihanna posted the picture, as I said. And then this is a Reddit post that was linked. And honestly, this is my favorite part of it, but it's more just because I hope this is true because it makes Peres Hilton seem like a really good person. Paris Hilton, this was their celebrity story. My car broke down on an Autobahn in Germany.

Managed to coast to sort of lay by thing with a burger van and toilets in it. That sentence makes no sense. I was in a bad state because I can't speak any German. My phone had no credit. and I didn't have my breakdown details with me, so I had no idea what to do. I unsuccessfully asked the guy in the burger van for help,

and he apparently didn't speak English, so rather, pathetically, I started to cry. Then this big old American guy appeared and offered me a cup of tea in his mother home, in his motor home. I cannot read today. I feel like the exhaustion's kicking. It wasn't proper tea, but that's besides the point.

Yeah, dude, who gives a flying fuck for his proper tea? Get to the edit. Get to the point. Jesus. In the van was another guy and friggin' Paris Hilton, I kid you not. She was sweet and made me a sandwich and gave me a big hug, then proceeded to talk to me for 30 minutes about some old radio bits she'd bought and some show and Friedrich Schaffin.

I didn't understand most of it. She said that when she wasn't working, she liked to drive about Europe, going to radio and air shows as if she put a hat on, as if she put a hat on, nobody ever recognized her. Then they towed me to a garage at about 40 kilometers per hour. wow, really don't need to tell me about the speed you were going. I like it. No, get in there.

Yeah, get in depth. And she sat in my car and asked if it was okay before she smoked. So there you go. Interesting confirmation. Then there's the Reddit post that reads, some random things told to me by my step sister who used to work for Paris. Paris has a room full of vintage radios from World War II aircraft and the like. She restores them.

When not socializing, she spends most of her time locked up in that room doing God knows what to these radios. There's always a smell of burning coming from the room. but he is allowed in. Ooh, wires. Interesting. The evidence, yeah. Real crazy stuff. The evidence against BuzzFeed did reach out

to her publicist in 2005, hilariously, to ask if she restores vintage radios. They were told, quote, she does not. However, from some cursory Googling, it seems like, in order to operate a ham radio in the U.S., you need to have a license. But if you do have one, your name and some details will be available on public record.

It's possible that she hasn't registered due to her celebrity status, and so it doesn't want any attention drawn to the fact that she's doing this without the required licenses. This has lived in the back of my brain this is from Rhee for so long that whenever I hear about Ham Radio, like that plot line and stranger things,

my first thought is of Paris Hilton. All my love, Re, X-O, X-X-O, Holt is the best. Holden makes you so happy. Probably my favorite person in the show. That's what it says at the end. A bigger cut of the Patreon. X-O-X-X-O one more time. Fuck Portuguese.

Wow, that is not what they said. Would you like to start reading Twilight? Because I would love to hear you do the audiobooks of Twilight because I think you'd bring a lot to it. I'm gonna start reading old scripts of the television show Hogan's Heroes. Ooh, everybody loves Hogan's Hero. Do you believe in this very, just believable,

not at all controversial story? It's nice that it's not controversial. I do believe. I think it's great. And I, she's very smart. Yeah, you know, I think that that is an interesting thing about Pereseltin. It's one of the more interesting things about a generally uninteresting person. See, I feel like you're doing the kind of political talk that you would do in a classroom right now, MJ.

You're like, yes, I do think that TikTok is an interesting app. Good for her. Doing dances is a fine way to spend your time. Everyone has talents and, you know, everyone is an expert at something. I want to play with the Flintstone phone. I don't play with the Flintstone phone. I love it. I love it because the MJ's just been around children

for only for weeks. But not because it's weird and diplomatic. I spent 11 years only being around children, but like now I'm over. Yeah, but we would get drunk after once. Now it's different to be like, what if the only people you talk to are three years old and two years old?

And a goose that is made out of... Plastic or something. I'm afraid we're going to have to get a second goose because Zelda brought the goose into her room. Freddy said I didn't want the goose to sleep in Zelda's room. I get it. I need Gloria next to me. Gloria has to be next to me at all times.

I completely understand. I do believe. And you know what I'm proud of Peres Hilton? There you go. Yeah, good for you for doing something interesting, Paris Hilton. Yeah, she does lots. I love Paris Hilton. I think that she's so smart.

A night in Paris. She's bringing it back around, but also she's bringing it back around to the list. All right. Oh. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Unexpected inspirations and influences behind our favorite movies and shows. Now, this one really sucked me in because I keep seeing the meme everywhere of the differences between how older people are looked at as comparison.

comparison, and just like that and the Golden Girls, how apparently the Golden Girls were technically younger than the women from Sex and the City in and just like that, and how differently they are portrayed through the years. But did you know that the Golden Girls was inspired by Miami Vice? No, and I love this first one. Yeah, I'm excited for this list now. In 1984, NBC shot a humorous skit titled Miami Nice,

starring two older actresses for a special adjudgment advertising their, for a special advertising their new shows like Miami Vice. Execs liked it, and the idea was developed into a full series about old ladies living in Miami, although still, not that old, just in their 50s. Very different, very, very different time period. Now, this is also a lot of fun because recently all this information had come out because people found out that James Gandalfini had been offered a lot of money to take over the Michael Scott position in the office.

But did you know that the office was heavily influenced by the Sopranos? The Sopranos was actually the biggest influence on the office. Actor and producer B.J. Novak has said, the way Michael Scott will say something very serious, but mispronounce a word, I feel, as a direct descendant of the Tony Soprano sense of humor, which completely, I do get that because this last rewatch of the Sopranos,

I've realized that it is a lot funnier than I used to think. think that it was and that it's actually more of a dark comedy than it is a drama. I think that's generous to the American office. I love the British office. I like the American office to compare that thing, the like mispronouncing a word purposely. And obviously, you know, it is a very funny show with very brilliant actors. But I feel like that's generous of BJ Novak. But that's fine.

Of course. it. Yeah, we'll give it to also, but then the office, the British, the UK office, very different than the American office. And I did, I do enjoy both of them. Except the original is just so much, it's such a different tone. Much darker. Much darker, much more upsetting. Anyway, James Bond's, 007 came from a bus. After author Ian Fleming moved to Kent in the 1950s, he would often travel back to London by bus, specifically the 007 bus. It still runs today and is a very very very Very popular with boned bands. Oh. I'm skipping the next one because I don't know if that's a spoiler because I don't know enough about Akira. But Black Panther took inspiration from the godfather. Director Ryan Coogler suddenly realized that a man's father dies

and he has to step suddenly into a position of power was pretty much a summary of the godfather. So he watched all the godfather films taking notes. That's cool. Yeah, especially with the power plays, it does make a lot of sense. This one was interesting that the movie Logan

was inspired by Little Miss Sunshine. Weird. I want to make Little Miss Sunshine with Logan, Charles Xavier, and X-23, director James Mangold, pitched to the studio, trapped these superheroes in a van on a highway and see what happens.

And you know what, Logan's great movie. Logan is a fantastic movie. Yeah? Yeah. Such a gut punch, dude. Get ready. If you're going to watch Logan, Definitely watch Logan, but it is like not, yo dad is superhero movie.

It is fucking heavy. It's so good. He's super, it's really good. It's really fucking good. And last but not least, E.T. was inspired by Stephen Spielberg's imaginary friend. The film is partly autobiographical. When Spielberg's parents got a divorce, he made up an imaginary friend to deal with that. Except that in the movie, the friend is an actual alien.

You got listed. All right. Deal with it. I've been listed. Yeah, we're dealing with it. Yeah. Get that goose away. All right.

And looking at that goose is making me feel like I might be going blind. Item. Oh, we can't see him. You know what? Whatever with you guys. All right. Not our fault. You don't love a goose.

Yeah. You're just envious. I think the goose is affecting the intros. That's all I'm saying. I think the porges goose is affecting the intro. I think you're affecting the intros. and you're distanged for the DJs. Just because I did the intro, started it wrong?

Yeah. It's my fault. Yeah. I think you're blinded with your own rage about not having your own goose. Please. The only thing I get blinded with is science, okay? He blinded me with science.

All right, please. Hong Kong. So here we go, a few for you. God, I was having a hard time at the beginning of this week, but I got a couple in at the last minute, so we have some decent blinds here. Right, her.

This week, the illiterate reality star photoshopped photos of her children into a place they had not been and now was posting photos trying to make them look current, which are actually nine months old. Nothing is real. Is it Kim?

Yeah. Sounds like something you should do. Last week, popular TikToker, myocondrial membrane. That's the easy one rolls right off the tongue. Called out Kim Kay for what appeared to be her three-year-old daughter quote, obviously photoshopped in a recent pig

that Kim posted to Insta. She also said, not only she photoshopped, but she's photoshopped under a photo of Stormy from October, and I was just so weirded out. That is Kylie Jenner's daughter, Stormy Webster. Stormy Webster ever since I've been together. But I looked at the pictures and it is very bizarre for sure. I guess like I do kind of understand

or her not wanting people to know where. Like we obviously with big celebrities, oftentimes they post their pictures. She was held up at gunpoint. Yeah, so they don't. She told her location was going to be and had her jewels stolen from her. Yeah.

So, you know, you got to keep it, you got to keep it greasy, but it's weird to put one face of your kid, like your kid onto another of your, like your niece's kid. Like your kid's cousin. Like, imagine me being like, oh, my nephews went to, like,

the Boston Zoo. I'll photoshop my own children into the Boston. Boston Zoo. And like the teeth of a tiger. Yeah. Oh, she's blood everywhere. Make it openly Photoshop

then. Then I understand. Yeah, it's weird. I don't know. It just is funny looking. The picture does look kind of, yeah, tacked on Photoshop. It's very bizarre.

All right. Number two, this is interesting. This is almost a real news story for the main feed here. This A-List singer and his wife have split. Betty's crying a whole body of water about it. Justin Timber.

Yeah, you can get my clue there. Thank you. Well, I didn't want to say, I bet he's crying a river about it or whatever. Well, then, I mean, the body and water. They got a divorce? What? They got a divorce? It's all, the only story linked to this blind is just that, yeah,

Justin Blake, Jessica Beale, uh, uh, the, them purportedly getting divorced. It was just that it has been reported. He recently sold off his luxurious NYC penthouse for $29 million dollars last month, which it does not maybe bode away. to the idea that he's sticking around with old Bilbo back. I mean, or he maybe he just didn't want that place in New York.

I'm gonna say, why does that, but she only live in New York or something? I don't know, but, I mean, they have been having issues, for sure, right? I feel like this has been, I feel like this has been being said, especially ever, like, I feel like the media said it before, the like night when he had his hands on another woman. And they had said that because they were never on their social medias. And then they're like, I can't believe she's not going to leave after this night.

When it's like, we don't know what really happened. And then now I do, I mean, I wonder, I hope the best for them both. And I hope that he doesn't break her heart because she seems very nice. It's very interesting. All right. And the last up here. It is an awkwardness that is causing hesitation. on the part of the illiterate one

to head to the Oscars. She only wants to attend if she can present an award. Wait until you get a listen to her new British accent. Illiterate. Who might have a British accent because of maybe someone who's married.

I mean, I think immediately Madonna, but I don't think that it's Madonna. No, aliterate. Married to an illiterate person who's married to a British person. Yeah, very famously. Lindsay Lowhan. No.

Well, she's engaged to, um, I need another hint. Hold on. Let's see. There was a movie that came out that depicts a family member of this person's husband. And not a great way, and it's Oscar-Bate.

Family member of the woman's husband. Yes, she's very famous, but not for being like a performer. He's very famous in a very British way. Oh, Megan Markle. Yes, queen. Wait, did you say that she was an actress? Yeah.

She is an actress. actress. She's a boat. She's a royal now. Suits are bowing. Wait, what is it? It's one of those one word shows

that I'll never watch ever in my fucking dumb life. Fucking whatever's on USA. Turn on USA show me there. It's not skins. My aunt shows that my aunt watches or whatever. Prince Harry is reportedly quote, pretty appalled, end quote,

with the portrayal of Princess Diana and the film Spencer and does not wish to go to the award ceremony. However, Megan Markle is still wishing to attend being like, oh, we'll give a polite nod to Kristen Stewart and move on, but let's, honey, let's go. Apparently really dying to get into it. He thinks it's not a good portrayal or what?

Oh, yeah, I mean, it's definitely, you know, it's her going through, deciding to no longer be with Charles. I actually watched it recently. So her decided not to be with Charles anymore, and she's like having a breakdown. There's like a lot of self-harm stuff going on. I mean, it's not like a happy portrayal. You know what I mean?

so I'm sure like if your mom was actually I think it'd be kind of funny my mom was from portraying in a film I'd be like who's why would someone make a fucking movie about my mom that's so weird I would watch it hold on and Jan if you're listening you hear me I would watch it yeah it's just called Jan it's just her having like dealing with like this son it's just like I like cakes I like just sitting there with the clinking of a glass ice rocks and a glass yeah yeah exactly like it just me screaming about the foods I like and her just eating pearls in her soup

or whatever like Spencer. But at the same time, maybe no one would care, Megan Markle, don't worry. I mean, we didn't even talk, I included the articles, we didn't even talk about the Nodden Globes. Yeah, you like it? That's a Holden joke.

All right, what Jackie was trying to say there was that the Golden Globes didn't happen. And so she was trying to incorporate the word no into boats. They did. They did happen towards Golden Globes. Or they weren't shown on TV or at all or even stroke. I think we should land on the golden nobes. Okay, the golden nobes.

I think it has to be that. The noblen nose. It just sounds like you're having a stroke. It just sounds like we have to take you the hospital immediately. I will say real quick, though, proud of NBC for not still holding on to the decision of like, nope, you guys didn't do what we told you to fucking do. You didn't, like, diversify at all. You don't give a fuck. No.

No, didn't. Counterpoint. Point, counterpoint, Jackie, they're just happy to hide behind that as the reason because everything is cynical in Hollywood. They've been, the ratings have been declining on the Golden Globes for the past several years, and they're so thrilled that they don't have to air it right now, and they're probably just going to try to get out of it completely altogether.

They don't actually care about black people. No, obviously not. Obviously, but they fucking don't. But the fact that they couldn't even try to pretend to like either side. But don't worry. Pete Davidson is in talks of hosting the Oscars.

So, wow, that guy's ship has come in. I don't think I care. Yeah, geez, Louise. Big Dick. Big Dick Energy. But yeah, it's kind of interesting. I mean, I think, yeah, it's, I just want to see Helaria and Megamarkle,

if she does, in fact, have a new British accent, host a talk show, where they just sit around and just chat, chit-chat about, you know, it's like, oh, you see, uh, hello? And then it's like, hey, well, I know a lot. You were saying that she's a fake accent now, so that Megan Merkel has like an affected accent now. That's the blind sense.

But how can you not? If you, honestly, if you marry, this is like a Julian Anderson scenario where you're just like, I mean, Julian Anderson is more of a hilarious about that scenario. But like, if you marry someone and you listen to them all the time, you pick up the way that they talk. I think that that's not necessarily appropriation for Megan Margle to be like, oh, talk this slight taste on top.

I mean, she doesn't cockney, but if she doesn't, very, oh, my, acting you and I was going to give Jared it to be weird. Oh,

long, oh, my, I run it. She's doing like cockney rhyming scheme, stuff that it's not for its hair that she's just putting on in an affect.

All right, well, I just fucking nailed it with the plumber. You guys are welcome. Can you see again? Nope, still blind, unfortunately. I think in this time it's going to sit. I thought you went to the optometrist holding. I did. Wasted my money, wasted my time. Now I'm wearing glasses.

Still blind. Yeah, I'm going to throw them in them. Warby Parker. Fuck yours. Actually, don't. Love Warby Parker. We advertised them one time in the past. And I got free glasses and thank you so much. Love you, Warby Parker. There you go. There it is. Those are still the glasses I wear, even though they are several years out of date. Yeah, I finally had to go in. But that was my own. Me, I didn't. Leifers fell out of fashion. Megan Markling right now. I had to get a new prescription.

I guess we better slide on over to the British fucking shoutouts over here. Oh, shouts. Shout, shalt, let it all right. They're not your email that you're about it. Come on. Go read it to you. Come on. Thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

That is 7 the number. And Leon, thank you so, so much for sharing your love. You ain't never got to resist the urge to add us up and share some positivity. That's what the shoutouts are all about. Leon says, I want to shout out my amazing and endlessly inspiring partner of 10 years, Chia. Chia is a Cambodian non-binary professional comic book artists and overall worldwide sensation. Over the pandemic, Chia committed to their goal of quitting their job and realizing their dream of self-publishing their graphic novel, Sharks Don't Sleep.

A comic deeply inspired by their family survival of the Cambodian genocide, found family, and the love found in others. Chia is an endless powerhouse, and I can safely say that they enrich every one. they meet. Chia is constantly supporting the LGBTQIA plus community, spreading POC awareness and giving back to the community. I am in constant disbelief of Chia and I want the world to know, but more so I want Chia to know that they are a badass bitch and they genuinely make the world a better place to be. We are getting married next August and I couldn't be happier. Until then, we work seven days a week together in our teeny tiny home studio, always listening to the sweet sound of Jackie's beautiful voice

to help power us through the rough life that is being independent artists. Oh, I hear you, Leon! We love y'all so deeply, so thanks for keeping us company. You truly warm our home and make each day fun. We love you right back, Leada Chia. Finally, a small, shameless plug. Ain't no shame in the game, babe.

If you want to see POC or Queer Art succeed, please consider supporting Chia's Patreon and following the comic creation journey. You can do that by hitting up patreon.com slash shark teeth, S-H-A-R-K-T-E-A-T-H-L-E-A-T-H like T, not Teeth. Shark Teeth. Hell yeah, congrats to both of you guys, and I'm so fucking proud of you, Chiya.

That's amazing accomplishment, especially during a fucking pandemic. And hell, yes, Christine. Thank you so much for sharing some beautiful, positive, difficult choices. as Christine says, I just had to share because I'm so damn excited. I put my notice in at work today. I've been at the same job my entire career, and it has been completely soul-sucking. I stayed for way longer than I should have because I was a badass motherfucker at it and kept getting promoted.

It started as a great paying job with the ability to make my own hours, but ended as a shitty paying job that kept me away from my two kids. I couldn't take hearing my 13-year-old sass me about never being around anymore or stressing about keeping my three-pressed. person department afloat with just me, I'm going to be boogie-y-y-hung right out the door on my official last day. I didn't take 18 years of dance not to make a grand exit, damn it. I hope that anyone out there in a toxic, shitty job currently can find the courage or resources or whatever they need to join me in my quitting parade. Love y'all, love Christine. Thank you so much, Christine, and I know that there are a good amount of us out here that need to hear it. And thank you. you for sharing that with us. And Justin, thank you, you little cutie. Justin says, I want to give a

shout out to three people who have been a constant in my life for a few years and have helped me immeasurably over the past couple of months. These goofy goobers have kept me laughing, giving me something to look forward to you, and been the best kind of distraction. I'm going through a divorce, have moved into an apartment with roommates, and work has changed a lot for me and kind of feels like I've stalled. I don't get to see my dog much anymore and have felt acutely lonely at times. These three people, Jackie F.J. and Holden, have been an anchor for me, and I cannot thank you all enough for just being loud and fun and yourselves for all of us. I look forward to page seven like crazy. My roommates and I got super high and watched cats after the re-release of the

all-cats. I love that you both included both 2019 episode, and it was the best night of my 2021. I kid you not, it was a turning point for me. It made me feel like everything would be fine, and it only happened because of you three. Thank you so much, Justin. It is. It is a turning point for me. It is going to be fine. We're going to, we're going to, I'm going to make it the wrong ass if it kills me. Um, Justin continues on and saying, I wish all of you and your families the best of the coming year and look forward to the next time I hear Jackie sing, MJ laugh uncontrollably, and hold and use unbelievably crude language out of nowhere. And thank you so much, Justin. It means so much to me. I did cry when I first read it,

but I have pulled myself together. And I love you. And also, thank you so much. Adam for writing in, not only does this person sound amazing, but I think I need to hit them up for my tattoos. Adam says, Happy New Year's and whatever birthday. I know I bug you guys a lot with various useless drivel, but today I'm right, which you don't, but today I'm writing in to give a big old shout out to my close friend and tattoo artist Zoe Taylor. I got my first tattoo from Zoe almost five years ago. Over the course of about 120 tattoos, I tried to count, and countless hours spent in various states of undress, me, not her, Zoe has become one of my favorite people. And as someone who never felt comfortable in my own skin, getting tattooed has been instrumental in feeling like I have some control over my body and eventually learning to love my whole self. Still a work in progress, but we're getting there, and I have Zoe to think for that.

Unfortunately, like basically everyone, Zoe had to close her shop because of the goddamn stupid fucking plague. But after all this bullshit, the Warren tattoo is open again at a new location in Studio City. I'm so proud of Zoe for never giving up and keeping her shit together, even when lots of people are just about ready to give up. Not only is she an incredible artist who can do just about anything with a tattoo machine, but she's also one of the nicest, toughest, and classiest braids I've ever known. The Warren is super clean and they're taking COVID protocols crazy seriously, and there's none of that toxic macho bullshit you find in most tattoo shops. Plus, the other artists and her apprentices are fucking awesome as well. And Jackie, you've actually seen Zoe's work firsthand on stage during the final live performance of a nightmare before Christmas. Because yeah, she did all of Danny Elfman's tattoos.

That's sick and shit. So check her out on Insta that's at Zoe Taylor, Z-O-E-Y, T-E-Y. A-Y-L-O-R-R-N-Tat-O-R-N-Tatoo, the Warren W-A-R-R-E-N tattoo. And thank you, Zoe, for being such a good friend and helping me be comfortable enough to take my shirt off in public and even show my chicken legs. And thank you guys for putting up with me. I can't tell you how much I love you. And hearing you all scream is the highlight of my week.

But Affleck is one word. Thank you so much, Adam. I really appreciate it. And look up Adam's awesome glassmaking. Yes, I looked you up at Second Best Studio. And thank you guys so much for sharing some positive love. I know the shoutouts aren't everybody's bag, but I appreciate you guys listening because I think that it is important for us to celebrate our accomplishments

and to celebrate each other to build a beautiful community. I love you guys so much. And thank you again. And please, you can send in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. That's seven the number at gmail.com. I love you. And that has been our show for you guys. I hope that you guys, man, I'm sorry, not sorry,

but as someone that has been living, hashtag Portuguese life over here, every single one of my online advertisements have been for Portuguese clothing. You're welcome. Now that you send me this text, yeah, now that you send me this text, I'm going to be getting. Everyone that's listening to this, y'all going to get it. Everybody's going to get it. Yeah, exactly. Let's make everybody, porch goose, porch goose,

purchase, purchase, porch goose. Honestly, though, it's good because we can all talk to each other, like, what are they wearing in January? I don't know, let's decide, you know. Like, we need a support group for, like, what do they wear in February? I guess it's something about hearts. Do we do a 9-11 thing in September?

Yeah, and even March, what do we do in March? Is it like some sort of COVID awareness ribbon? Like, what do we even? There's lepricon ones. Leprocon. The beak is a plane, and the rest of the goose is a tower, right? And that's kind of how you do that. I'm sorry.

I apologize. How dare you? Fended by that. You should be offended by that. Fucking dare you hold in. Oh! And that's been a job. Thank you guys for listening.

And welcome back, MJ, from the Gates of Hell. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys to Natalie for taking over for me whilst I had to be in hell. And I'm so glad I'm back and so thankful that everything turned out okay. And I wish the same for everybody else who's also in hell. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Be strong out there. Be safe. We love you. My name is Jackie Sbrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack Thatworm. What did you say, Holden? Are you being back? Porch goose.

No, I was just like a plot. I just thought I didn't know. I was trying to remind. Hunk. Oh, yeah. Hunk that goose. And you're going to come over to Twitch. combe.

Oh, no, it's Jackie. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, we are always there. We're talking sex on Tuesdays. We're talking fashion on Thursdays, but mostly lately we've just been trying to have sex with daddies and the cul-to-sex. Come join us for Dream Daddies. There you go.

Check me out. Twitch.tv, forward slash Holdenaders Ho, Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams. Please check out that Patreon, y'all. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcasts. There's so much content on there. If you want to show some love, show some support, just do it for a month. Just one month. Just throw us $5 and you'll make our dreams come true.

It'll be fantastic. Go over the patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. So much content. it's ridiculous. Say content fucking diarrhea. Yeah, yeah. Slop it up. And also please email me with conspiracy theories.

Please God in heaven, if there is one, page the number seven podcast. Dot com. Or wait, page the number seven podcast at gmail.com. Blind items, conspiracies. I need them. I'm hungry for them like the wolf. And one more thing, Sinister Six.

I'm coming for you. you. That's right. We're talking vulture, electro, Mysterio, Sandman, Craven the Hunter, and Dr. Octopus, himself. I'm coming for you. I don't understand what that means. It's a callback to the beginning of the... Oh, Spider-Man! Yeah, yeah, it was a callback to the thing, so I knew that.

Nerd girl. Nerd girl! My name is MJ. I'm MJKLK at Instagram, and also thank you to everyone who sent very sweet messages about hoping that the kids made it through a I'm so glad they did and I'm so thankful for everyone who was so kind and so generous. So thank you. Thank you all. We love you.

And we will be back next week. Oh, I just found a giraffe costume that doesn't out cover their mouth, their face. All right. Got to get out of your. Bye, guys. Bye, everybody. Halk, honk. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com. Thank you.