Page 7 - Ep. 440: All Hail The Ranch Lords

Episode Date: March 10, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout Jackie's wedding plans, the impending Skeleton Brunch Summer, NYers having sex too loud, the parallels between Riverdale and The Batman, the Murder Mystery Stream on OhnoitsJackie sponsored by Stryx, the great crocs debate, MORE BIG RANCH, learnin' TikTok, Kanye posting that he's dead, the disaster zone that is the Love is Blind Season 2 reunion, IS IT A CAKE!?, the baffling upcoming filmographic experience Pussy Island, and in celeb conspiracy corner; Did Olivia Munn have a revenge baby!? A weirdly inspirational List, the Bliiinds and the ShOuTz! Don't forget to catch Jackie on the Fanaddicts podcast gossin' 'bout her burnin' love for polygamist reality shows! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A roast as dark as the night. Perfect for fueling the crypted research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge! Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the Lett, re-bring you, Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans.

Go to Last Podcastmerch.com to order yours today. This goes out to you, broody boy Batman But did you know that when it snows My eyes become large And the light that you shine can be seen Back when the gray Ooh, the mark is in blue It's the gloom on the green

Back when you had no choice over your song of the summer. Back then I had MTV and VH1 on all day, especially VH1. That video literally played back to back on VH1, I'm pretty sure. And then every now and again, a weird, like a behind the music would air.

And then it would go back to Kiss from a Rose. Whatever year Batman forever came out. But also screw you, Ciel. We're Clumiss up in this fucking house. But still, it's a great, great song. And what are the new Batman tracks? Did Cooleo do a track for the new Batman film or anything fun like that? Whop, it's Batman, there it is.

I wish that it was like an Adam's family type. That was so, what a tact on crazy. So if anybody doesn't know, there was a very popular song that came out that went like this. Whoop, there it is. Whoop, there it is. And then didn't another group come out with like something like hoop, there it is or something like that? And then they were like, hey, you guys are like all the rage. Can you make us a song for the new.

Adam's family movie, Adams Family Values. And then they were like, okay, cool. And then the song ended up being, whoop. Adam's family. There it is. They literally just. And it's so clunky. They just added the phrase the Adams family into their song they already made.

It was a different ride. Those of you that are not aware, I am marrying a person with the last name of Adams. And we are going to become the Adams family. And I did want, did you not know this? that we're, I mean, true goth babies now. I mean, I knew Jeff's last name, but I never thought that you guys are going to be the Adams family.

Are you thinking Jackie Adams? Are you keeping Zba? I mean, I don't know. This is a big question. I never ever. I always give Lexi shit for it. She kept robin. I never wanted to take anyone's last name.

But as a goth baby, how do I not? Also, Jackie Adams sounds like a like a really good baseball player or something. Jackie Adams does have a nice ring to it. But you've got to be the Adams family. You can be the Adams family even if you're still as a Browski. You are correct, but I do feel that and Jeff, yeah, I'm calling you out right now. Jeff doesn't want that to be our entrance song or the

exit song for the wedding. I think that's not walked down the aisle. It's going to be that, right? Eat me. Yeah, saute a barbecue. Eat me. So I'm going to dress like a turkey and he's not going to dress like a pilgrim, Pilb-Pel-Pil-Pilgram, because that's problematic. But I guess he's going to dress like a big gravy boat. And then we record this song, Gravy, Gravy, Where's the Gravy? And he's the gravy. Walk down the aisle to where gravy, gravy, where's the gravy? Yeah.

And then when you get up there, Eat Me Place, you do the ceremonious eating out of the bride. Oh, see, that would be great. That wouldn't be on a cringe Reddit anywhere. I think that everyone would be like, oh, he loves her. Look at how much he loves her. And I'm like, he really loves me. But it should be Womsey Adams family. There it is.

I'm sorry, Jeff. I think that you might be wrong in this. And I think what a way to start our marriage. Beautiful. Wow. Absolutely. Lexi kept her surname as well. And every night, you know, Lexi McNeely, how great would that have been?

You know what I mean? I mean, it has a real ring to it. It's a lot of consens. It's a lot of consens. It's the thing. Alliteration, a lot of ass. Like even Jackie Adams, you know, it has a lot of ass. Oh, yeah.

But then she can do. You can rock that. see it right now in a Vegas showroom. I'm Lexie. Lexi McNeely. And I am feeling very good and funny and free. Part of the reason I didn't take millions last name was because I would have been Molly Oliver and it's too Lala.

It sounds like Molly Ali Ali Ali. It's like sounds like Ali Ali Ali Action free. Yeah. Oh, and then it would always make me think of, you know, in the Twilight Zone movie when they play the Kick the K and episode and all the old people become young. for a minute and they remember that being young is not as fun as they remembered. There you go.

That marriage will make you think about that. And of course, the spiritual sequel to that film, M. Night Shyamalan's old. Old. They were so old. And every time they became old in the movie theater, we go, they're old. Spoiler alert, it wasn't a good movie.

But spoiler alert, what was a good movie? Bitmans. And everyone knows that the Bitmans was a great movie. and I immediately, MJ, you were the only person I texted after watching Batman on Sunday. Oh, I'm so honored. Because I couldn't. Wow, unbelievable. Yeah, didn't think about you at all whole day.

It's interesting. It's interesting how dead you are to me, so that's fascinating. I don't think about you at all. It's weird that I'm doing a podcast of the dead woman. No, I don't know. Well, I died before we started recording to you, so you're doing actually a skeleton podcast completely by yourself. Clickety, glack, glack, by the way, I've taken a complete 180 on. skeleton brunch. Since we did it, we had a skeleton brunch theme to check him with the holdies over on my Twitch last Friday. I am skeleton brunch fever over here. I want to eat brunch with a skeleton every minute of every hour of every day. And I have to apologize for getting, diarrheaing even, all over Skeleton Brunch last week as a non-story, even though it technically was. But I really do feel Skeleton Brunch Summer is a bottom.

Skeleton brunch summer. We all know that there's no cum left to be had. Yeah, the streets have run white and been cleaned yet to gain. It's like when you spill milk, but you're not crying, but it's all crusted. You know, like you don't pick up the milk, but now the milk is just dried in the streets. So that's what our streets are like now. We were kind of right, by the way. Wasn't there big reports lately of just incredibly crazy sex parties in New York City all over the place?

I saw some article headline. There was a good New York Post article. about the amount of loud sex that's happening. But I think that's actually the opposite. It's like people are at home. And neighbor, there's been a rise in 311 complaints. I should see if I can,

well, we're talking about something else. I will see if I can find that article because it's very, very funny about the, about the, you know, level of graphicness

and the dirty things that people are yelling. Right. And the noise complaints that people are making about how much loud sex people are having New York City. Oh, fuck and you want the name

for the ears. I'm fucking you are the neighbor That is it Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage Right like I feel like it is that embodied Of like well now we're all crazy It's like the comedian you know

I'm not locked in here with you You're locked in here with me There you go The Joker you mean it's like the comedian And what is happening right now? The comedian no from Roershack The Big Blue

Watched The Watchmans. No, it's the Joker says it in Dark Night Returns. Oh, you're a maniac. Well, don't, thank you for bringing up Batman again. Because MJ, what I was saying earlier is that MJ, you are going to slip out of your seat. This was the actual text that she texted me as well. So I'm glad you're using the same phrase.

Oh, my God. Because I was like, and I was sitting in between my brother and Jeff. And I just kept pretending and like, slip. Slip because I was so, it was so, like, at one point, Henry and I just, like, had up a hand in between us so that we couldn't look at each other because it was just accidentally, not accidentally, but there's like, it was the horniest movie I've ever seen with no fucking in it. That is what I'm in, I'm in a way that out there. I even made a joke to Henry. I was like, I heard Connor Obers plays the clockmaker. I was like, that would actually, that would actually be incredibly appropriate casting for this film. That I would want. I guess my question is, isn't every Batman, the emo Batman, the emo

Batman, this is the ultimate we've leveled up. Because Christopher Nolan's, it's so, it really became apparent to me in watching the film Tennant. Christopher Nolan has such a ridiculous, like, hilarious male fantasy approach to filmmaking. Like at one point in Tenant,

a guy is literally doing pull-ups on a very high-ceilinged, like, ladder, like, as if, because if he were to let go, he'd, like, fall to his death. You know, we were just laughing our ass off. I'm like, why would he do push-ups up there? Other than he's like, he's a man's man. And he's Man's bad does man push-ups, you know what you mean?

Or pull-ups, rather. And everything about his product is like, what a man would make a man feel, you know what I mean? And all this kind of stuff. Whereas this seems to me like it has a bit more of a sensitive touch. Okay. I don't think we've seen that before. And also, by the way, and we got gay Batman with Batman Forever in Batman and Robin.

And then before that, we got got Goth Batman, for sure. with Tim Burton. He had goth badman. But it was like more playful and cartoony. It was more, yeah, it was a cartoony goth batman. This is full on emo

straight up. You're not my father! Like a lot more, but not to that like over cartoonishy sense. And also he's not a playboy in it. He is the brooding billionaire who's weird as shit,

which is what Batman would probably, I would assume, be. But also for me, and 14-year-old brain that lives inside of me, slit, slit. Like, it was just so, and, like, with the makeup around his eyes,

and he just, like, nobody understands. Isn't Catwoman kind of like, you're whatever, like, as well for the whole time? And so it's very, like, I don't need you. Oh, it's Sad Boy, and she's just very much, I don't need you. And so it's just, like, push and pull of each other. And then on top of it, it's just a great movie. so, but, oh my God, our bats got me hookline and sinker. Slip, slip, there's even just points.

And this is, I need everyone to know, I'm not spoiling anything, because they both ride motorcycles in it. And so it's as almost as if these shots that they're like fucking on the motorcycle. You know, it's like, when the motorcycle play is so intense and horny, I'm just like, oh, and then I just kept thinking, oh, my God, the Batmobile is just so hot. and then thinking about them fucking on top of the Batmobile is just so hot. And at one point, the Batmobile fucks the Bat motorcycle, which is a weird, that's the only sex scene in the whole movie.

Machines are having lust for each other in this film. I mean, it's unbelievable. And the Penguin sucks his own dick at one point in the movie. That's the only other sex scene. I definitely would have watched it, and Paul Dano was horrifying, and it was great, and it's everything that everybody says it is. But I just specifically thought of you, MJ, because of how we feel about in the days of yore of Cole Sprauss,

it is very much that just like, nobody understands me, but I'm so hot mentality that I'm really into, and I know what you're really into. Well, speaking of sex, I did in New York Post article about the 270 complaints that have happened to 311 this year about loud sex.

Quote, I've slept through earthquakes and fires in my life, but I couldn't sleep through this, one resident said. Another who complained of a neighbor describing himself as a sexual Tyrannosaurus while he begged someone. I mean, that's just awesome, though, right? Yeah, that's crazy. I've never gotten dinosaur before.

That's pretty wild. So, please. I'm happy for you and your hornyness, your horny Batman. I guess I've just, it's hard for me because I've never felt that slippery for our pets. But I also, you know, I associate him with Twilight, and I couldn't let that go because he doesn't want that.

I know I don't want that. Nobody wants that. I will say, MJ, it does look like you're cosplaying as a henchman from the film. I have a bit of an emo boy outfit on, as I'm saying. Which is hot. I've had an emo boy outfit on since about 2008. So I'm ready. I mean, and listen, I like a Batman movie.

I like, it's like, like with every superhero movie, I'm always like, oh, I don't care about that. And then I watch it and I enjoy it a lot. And even bat, I was, as we began this conversation, I was like, you know, I don't really know a lot about Batman. And then when you listed all the movies, I was like, I've seen all of those. Oh, yeah.

Right. Isn't that crazy? It's just been in our, oh, that's why I was even kind of like, Jackie was kind of describing the film to me during talking TV, Patreon.com, port slash page of a podcast. That's fantastic, five dollars a month, weekly episodes. And, you know, as she was describing to me, I was just like, oh, my God, I've just heard this so many. She's like, he's more of a detective than he is assuming.

And I'm just like, I know. But then afterwards, I was like, I know. I wasn't saying it for you, Holden. I know, I know, I know. I know. I know. But for me, it's more just like, oh, my God, how many times have I been down this road? Batman has just been a part of my life since I was.

You're a nay-no Batman naysayer. You're a neat. I love Batman. Every new Batman movie purports to like reinvent Batman in a darker, grittier way. And one is shot with darker shots. No, this is more just closer to the graphic novels, which I appreciate. And I will say I need to let you know, MJ, that I'm giving a shout out to Laura. Laura who wrote in that I need you to understand that I said exactly the same thing.

Laura wrote into page 7 podcast at gmail.com talking about the similar. and the doing of it right that Batman kind of reminded us of Riverdale a little bit. There is a fake drug called eyedrops and the people that use them are called droppers. There are all like it is like there are like parts of the plot line that I was like

is this just like a really? I was like I think Matt Reeves was influenced by Riverdale. It was the first thing I said to Jeff right after the movie and he was like, don't ever say that. And I was like I didn't say it on the show. And there I am. It reminds me. reminded me of a very well done Riverdale.

Well, you know how to get me to want to watch it. I love that. Which is that way. And I just watched the... No, I keep wanting to say the Punisher, but that's a different superhero. The Peacemaker, which is another DC superhero romp,

and I enjoyed it quite a lot. And who knew that I'm deeply attracted to John Cena? Not me, but now I am. So maybe that's how I'll feel about R.Pats after Batman. I think so. think you need to watch blockers as well, and that's what made me fall in love with John Sina. And I think that that was.

And Cockers as well. Watch them in a row. Watch Cockers first. And if you're watching Cockers, you certainly 100% could come roll over and watch our murder mystery stream. Wow, I did it. Next Wednesday on March 16th. Holden's going to be there.

And Henry's going to be there. And Eddie's going to be there. We're doing a murder mystery over on Twitch. dot TV forward slash oh no it's Jackie with um stricks which is the in affiliate that i am of and um please look up stricks jacky dot stricks dot com it is s t r y x and they are trying to take gender out of skin care and i think that's fucking cool as shit can i fire some shots right now ouch yeah i love you guys yeah i love you guys well i don't love mj's crock situation Don't bring it up already.

You're already bringing up the crocs. Wow. What if I just bring it into the Zoom frame while we're talking. Go ahead. Fire your shots. MJ, MJ is on. It's a droop to deflect the shop. They're crocs for the snow, but it makes no sense.

Are the holes filled in? Then it doesn't breathe. Angie's wearing crocs and we are upset. Okay, here's what happened. And I'm sorry to derail Holden. I know you weren't even ready to go there yet. But I feel like I need to defend myself. It's a rebuttal.

This is the format in a debate. Here's what happened. You're the moderator, by the way, Jackie. Oh, I don't know. I think I'm two bites. I think that's probably too. The deck is stacked against me. Okay, here's what happened.

Several times throughout my almost 10-year relationship with Gideon, he has ordered shoes and gotten them in the wrong size because he sees the number that is on the woman's size, and he chooses that one, not looking closely enough to realize that that is not the right size for him. So he ordered... Does that a lot? At least three times. Take once and be like, okay, always.

make sure that it's got a lot on his plate. I get it. He's a brilliant man and then there's certain things like this. And so this has happened several times. And a problem that he and I both share is that we don't know how to return things. We're not going to do it. We're not going to go to the post office. It just doesn't happen, right? And so we try, we always say it's going to happen. We print out the return sheet. We get ready and then it doesn't happen. So he ordered the, he loves cracks. I sent a picture of his. his winter boot crocks that he ordered next to his regular everyday crocs to hold in Jackie a few weeks ago. And they said, did you get these crocs for yourself? And I said, no, I would never. They're my husband.

You said you would never, M.J. I did say I would never. Fast forward to today when he realized it's too late to return the crocs that he ordered coincidentally in the women's size that is not correct for him. It's the exact right size for me. And, oh, what's the context? Oh, my gosh, it's snowing and sleeting outside. Oh, my gosh. It's snowing. gosh, the boots I usually wear, which are Timberlins, don't have any shoes in them because another time Gideon had to go to a trial and didn't have any shoelaces in his dress shoes. So I had to take out the black shoelaces for my Timberlons. Do we need to talk about Gideon? Yes. I'm putting him on way too much blast here. So my Tims don't have shoelaces in them.

And what is sitting there right in front of me, but these fucking winter boot crocs that do indeed look like a crock in that they have holes in them, but then they have like a kind of warm, fuzzy sock. So wait, so the inside gets wet? So it's unclear because I decided to wear the crocks and I, my feet did get wet upon walking outside within minutes. I'm sorry, I'm laughing so much. However.

Because it was the first thing holding ass, and I assumed that the holes were plugged up, but they're not plugged up. They're not. So it's unclear to me, to be honest, because. Right, and you haven't tested it yet. Well, no, I mean, it was a trial-by-fire situation. It was very wet and snowy today here. But they got wet immediately, and I was like, what the fuck?

But then I went the rest of the day, I guess this defeats the purpose of them being boots. I carefully avoided puddles for the rest of the day. And since then, they've been dry as... Well, yeah, because you didn't get 70 puddles. So your socks got wet immediately? Yes, immediately. Within one to two blocks. Then I am right, which makes me even...

more. I was like, surely I must be wrong here. Surely they wouldn't. I was like ready. I was preparing myself to be like maybe crocs are amazing. Like I know that the crocs, the regular shoes, I do a lot of like a loud smiting of crocs, but not the crocs wears because I understand. They are very comfortable and I know that in like certain situation, but I don't understand the winter boot. Yeah, the whole point is that they breathe and then, you know, and that's why, and they're so comfy as like a home shoe or whatever. I hate, I truly hate to report that they are so fucking comfortable. But your feet are.

Of course they are. I mean, that's the point. But the part where your feet got all wet. And by the way, what do you mean they got wet in the beginning of the day? But then, like, they were dry for the rest of the day because you avoid puddles. If I get my feet wet and the first thing in the day, they're wet, the rest of the day. Well, let me blow your mind here old. And I got my feet wet within seconds of walking outside and then they've been dry ever since.

So I don't know. What's going on with these magic cross? Okay. So that's the secret. Because they breathe so well, even if you get them wet, they'll dry out hopefully. I can't expect. I don't understand it. Now Gideon wants to get

different gibbets to differentiate which ones are his and which ones are mine because they look so serious. It's a slippery slope. You don't want to go down that gibbets road. We're going to be ordering his and there's gibbets. What kind of gibbets are you?

Yes and there's gibbets please. Can you just get one this is his and one is his and theirs? Is there a gibbet preference? Are you going to get like a band you like or a show? Are you going to get the chicken scented gibits? I'll get the chicken. chicken scented gibbets.

Maybe get like a riverbale jibbets. You know what I'll do? I'll get the ranch gibbets because there's also the ranch crocs, you know? So if I'm going crock, I may as well get the fucking chicken scents and ranch sense. Because I've obviously gone to hell, hell where I wear crocs and love them. In a crock basket. And I just, I'm nervous about your future with crocs. I'm worried about the kind of gibbets you're going to get because I feel like we're never going to get you back.

I feel like we've already lost you. And like, if we're going to be talking ranch, I mean, I guess I'll mosey on over to ranch corner because I feel like I must address some of the ranch emails that we received last week. But would you get, like, if your feet are wet and you have chicken and or ranch-scented gibbets, do your feet then also smell like chicken and or ranch-scented gibbets? I'm going to find out and I'll report back when I get the chicken scented gibbets. You know, I like the scent of chicken. I don't ever really, I like ranch on a salad. If that's the option, I'll take it. But I don't think I want to like smell.

I don't walk past a bowl of ranch and be like, ah, I love that smell. The way that I do when I walk past a fried chicken restaurant. But what about Mike D who swears by, Mike D wrote in a shout out to the three packet pot roast? I do one packet of the powdered ranch mix, one of brown gravy and one of Italian dressing in around 16 ounces of beef stock, stir it up real good, plop in a pot roast, and pressure cook for 60 minutes, then depressurize, shred the meat, add in whatever vegetables I'm feeling, and then pressure cook for three more minutes. It's intensely good and ranches the glue that brings it all together, the anchor upon which the rest of the meal turns. How do I got it? It's like, all hail the ranch lords, Mike D.Sis. How do I not agree with this?

These emails are just so impassioned. Mother Shibu, I love you so much, Mother Shaboo from our Twitch community. And they wrote in, don't look behind you. Big Ranch has operatives all around us. They're in your fridge. They're in your TikToks. They have attended your skeleton brunch. I have opened the portal.

I used ranch instead of mayo on the crispy outer limits of my grilled cheese sandwich. It was everything. Now, Ranch is my everything. They have found me. I have been compromised. Ranch has infiltrated my pores. I have injected it into my veins. I use ranch a shampoo.

I wash my clothes with hidden valley. Ranch was used as lubricate while I had sloppy sex with Paul Newman's ghost. Put ranch on your grilled cheese and change your life today. Join me in the depths of creamy, crispy goodness. Mother's shibu, I have never wanted to try something more. Like, I thought all hail the ranch lords was amazing. But now I want to have ranch-based sex with Paul Newman's. Ghost. Also, that explains that

random person at my skeleton brunch was just me a skeleton and some dude and that dude just kept talking about ranch and I was like, why is this happening? I invited no one to this. This is for a TikTok meme that doesn't exist. It does exist, Holden. It does

exist. And you fucking read. General Skellington is going to be the best brunch attendee this side of the Mississippi. I guess I got to make a talk about it. Yeah, I guess that's check out our skeleton brunch TikTok. We're getting back into TikTok game, y'all. We are learning TikTok.

We're getting back into TikTok game because you know what? Gloria needs a place to shine. And she has her, I know, albeit appropriating, uncle O' grimacy-esque outfit on for St. Patrick's Day Day. Oh, fuck. I haven't got my goose of St. Patrick's Day outfit. Yes. It's a St. Patrick's Day outfit, which is why Gloria is going to join me in our murder mystery Twitch stream with Stricks next week. Because I don't know if maybe she was the one.

that possibly stole my cosmetics. And I'm, it's gonna be, did I tell you guys it's gonna be circus themed? Old-timey circus themed. Did I tell you that, Holden? You're gonna be an old-timey circus character. And so get ready for, get out your top hats. Henry was like, I have to do what?

I was like, don't worry about it. Just show up. I got mad boater hats if you want them. I got three different boater hats in my house. I should FedEx them to you. Please, next week. I'm 16. I think Henry's character is gonna be stoned guy,

I think is what Henry's character is gonna be whether you like it or not. He can be stoned guy. They're, I'm sure. But I mean, I guess they were more opium heads if you're doing old school circus. Can I fire my shot, please, that I wanted to fire. 15 minutes ago, dead.

We don't have to talk about it for very long, but I just want to fire this one shot. Kanye can't come to the phone right now. Why? Because he's dead. Kanye, rip it off T-Swift. So hard with that dead post. I just wanted to throw that out there.

Someone else died in a art piece not too long ago, and it was one Taylor Swift. Shots fired your way, my friend. Don't think that that is why he wrote that. But I don't think that Kanye West, outside of throwing barbs at someone, thinks about anyone except for himself and Kim Kardashian. I don't know if he's able to mentally.

I think he thinks about the people who have wronged him. Sure, sure. Sure. But I don't know. Taylor, you did mention his four children as well. I probably think about that. I think he thinks about them as like a collective idea of children. I don't mean to accuse him of being a bad father,

but it seems like it's from his public behavior, it's more collateral. Yes, it seems like the children are more of like an ownership thing than like a, yeah, than perhaps him being really connected with them. But either way, I know, I mean, we could talk ad nauseum about how things are a little, a wonky over there in Wonkaville,

aka Kanye's Corner with a K, yes. At least that makes Corner with a K, but if, hey, you know what I mean, it's karma with a K, but if, you know, I just wanted to throw out there that he totally ripped off T-Swift. And if anybody thinks I'm wrong,

DM me, suckers! Woo! Come at me! Yeah, that's right. I don't care, all right? Maybe Kanye will, because especially, because we are referring to Kanye's, post that happened a couple days ago, or as it was yesterday, that he posted this like poem

slash visual art piece about him being dead. Some of the lines are they ran through my account like the sign said free bread, but no one wanted to tell me I was dead. My kids would dance for me in a home I once led, but kids see ghosts and I didn't know I was dead. Everything was wrong in the press that I read because nobody would tell me that I was dead. And it is, man, what a, somebody help him. Can somebody help him? Can someone like help him? Kissy Ghost, by the way, man.

I threw that album on the other day. It was great. I watched that third part of the Kanye series on Netflix, fantastic stuff. Not flawless by any means, but still very interesting. And especially that third one, it just gives you all the whole crazy, crazy. Oh, I forgot about that. I was like, the other night, Kenny was at Nightcourt, and I was like, What is the two things I said with Jackie and Holden I will watch when it's just me?

And I could remember Sister Wives, but I couldn't remember that Holden was like, it should be the Kanye documentary. Instead, I watched the very first, the pilot of Sister Wives. What did you think, MJ? I mean, I'm drawn in. You know, the problem is that Gideon will absolutely not want to watch it with me. So it's going to have to be. I'm just going to get through it in just little increments. But now I'm like, ooh, I do kind of wish I had watched the Kanye documentary.

Love off the grid. Not instead, but in addition. Love off the grid. Love off the grid. Got to watch it. Now, Winnie and I enjoy some love off the grid around 11 a.m. Every morning. One person lives life off the grid.

MJ, one lives life off the grid. And the other one really fucking doesn't. And it is. But it's actually like beautiful. Sorry, I talk about this on Talking TV. Go ahead over to our Patreon. Listen to it over on Talking TV. Because I talk about it a lot.

And it's great. You know, I know that there's the talking TV. And it's not exactly mainstream news, but there has been a lot of mainstream coverage of the Love is Blind reunion as well. Yes. Because it made, it made waves. Wow. Well, Jackie hasn't seen it yet, but wow.

Oh, you haven't seen it. That thing was a shit show, man. You guys are free to talk about it because a lot of things have been ruined because turns out I research pop culture for work. And so I've read a lot of this stuff. that's going on. So please feel free. It was just one of the more to watch it. But... Yeah, the move, right.

I feel like everybody tries to kind of like in those reunion or whatever, those like talk back episodes or whatever, they're, that, for the most part, everybody kind of remains, keeps a certain level of like, like, like, you know, there's always like... Love is a risk. You mean like that?

Usually they try to save the face. Like, they don't try to fucking sabotage themselves further than they did in the series. Yes. They're always a risk. We tried to save face. We remember from Loveless Blind season one, Jessica in the reunion was like, yeah, I looked pretty bad,

but I'm not quite as crazy as I seem. Like, she tried to save a face. And shake was just like, oh, I'm gonna die head first. Like he was not that bad in that, but he's trying to be the puck. He's trying to leverage this into a dumbass reality. That's what I think, at least, into a career in reality TV,

which is already just like, you know, any mean, and then by being like such a piece of shit in that one hour of television or whatever was, holy God. It's fun when on a reality show, where every time he said something, everybody in the cast by the end of it was going like, oh, everybody, literally, every time you ever just out by the internet. I've never seen an episode of reality television where everyone was united and their visible like disgust with another human being. Everyone on the stage was just like, fuck you.

It was wonderful. To the point where they break the reality show facade and they would just be like, come on man, like what are you even doing? Like literally like they would just like break the whole trying to come off in a certain kind of way and just be like, bro, what the fuck is wrong with you? It was so weird.

And then he told Jackie, I'm sure you've read about it, but the highlight is definitely when he said the only woman I'm attracted to here is Vanessa Lecheye. Yes. Yes. It was so funny. His face was so funny. But props to Nick Lechie for not displaying

any sort of creepy toxic masculinity. He let Vanessa handle it. Vanessa was just like, yeah. Excuse me. To be fair, he was pretty checked out the whole time. Yeah, right.

Nick Lachet doesn't really do. Nick Lachet is like, he was a very, appearance for him. He definitely was viscerally uncomfortable the entire time. So I think he just wanted to get the fuck out. Oh, man.

That was like the highlight of my Celebrity Newsweek because it just informed the entire news cycle. My Twitter is just like, have you seen? Because I unfollowed, afterwards. I had been following on Instagram and I said

no. Hell no. But now... I heard it's even more cringy over there, by the way. I heard if you want extra cringe, go to his Instagram, but I don't want to promote that. I don't want to promote that. If you need more, Love is Blind content, there's a lot. But I unfollowed him out of solidarity with Deep Dee. Hell yeah. But then he did post a

very gun to his back apology yesterday. Oh, okay, I'll check that out then. He finally, it took him, what, five days after the reunion episode? own aired and people just being like, you're the worst man on earth for him to be like, some things were said.

The solace I always get, have whenever I see somebody just being a complete turd in one of these shows particularly, I just go, they're getting it back. Literally right now they're getting it back. Yeah, and I actually, he's a monster, but I actually feel very bad for him because he's just some fucking idiot, you know, nobody deserves to be, I mean, not nobody, but most people, he's not Kanye West, right? He's just some fucking vet who is just a massage. And now he's just like a famously like everybody fucking hates him.

And I, you know, I don't want him to be a misogynist. I don't want him to hurt women. Wants though. Isn't that exactly what he fucking wants? Anyone that says, can I put you on my shoulders and a way to suss out if you're fat or not. I'm not going to go ahead and say that this guy does, I think he does deserve it. And I think that it's fine.

I don't think that he deserves like death threats. You know, it's like, I'm not saying that. But I think that he deserves some... You know what? The trolls, like, trolls online already are gonna... They already have no lives and want to throw vitriol at people. There you go. People like him.

Have that. You're right. You're right. You're right. The combination of misogyny and fat phobia that he, like, so... Like, because some of the misogyny, it's like, you could perhaps say that he's just, like, kind of a clueless. Like, I don't know why I want to, I want to, like...

Defend him. Understand. I'm not trying to defend shake. I'm trying to understand. Like, what, what is your, are you just, like, are you just that clueless that you don't understand how awful you sound? But you're right, Jackie. The fact that he, like, strategically went in there and was like, so if you were at a festival, could a guy pick you up on your shoulders? That's fucking.

I don't see that clueless. Like, I think that he knows what he's doing. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's thing. And the whole meta of it is was he was trying to play the role in the talk back. thought he was going to get everyone inside because he's like, I'm to tell it like it is guy. Yes, right. I'm going to come in and tell like it is, and everyone watching is going to appreciate the one guy on the show.

And to his credit, everyone else is like keeping up airs and, you know, especially the people who fucked up. Like, Shana is trying to backpedal like crazy in that. And that, she was such a fucking piece of shit at that show. At least, at least for the way it was edited. You know what I mean? She's awful at that show. Shane also did not try to, he was, he did not come off. That was so weird.

I remember, oh, we can keep talking about it. I brought Shane up in therapy today, by the way. It was so funny. I was talking to therapy, and I was like, is it reminded me of like a shitty thing I do? I was like, he did this thing. I'm like, I'm watching this dumb show called Love is Blind and my therapist was immediately just like,

had a big smile on her. Oh my God, I'll bet your therapist was like, yes, yes, yes, let's talk about it. Yeah, yeah, totally. She was like, yes, I know Shane. Oh, finally. Somebody brought up, Love is blind. I brought the show up that she clearly has watched all of

because she even knew what I was talking about from the reunion episode. So funny. Anyways, yeah, that's a shit show. Well, you also have to remember with these kind of shows, they needed to stand out or else, like, think about how many people

are on the show that don't get shown. Right. And even the couples that they follow that don't get, make it to the episodes. So they got to stay. So that's, I also think that Jake knew exactly what he's fucking doing. I'm like, I want to make sure I'm on the show.

If I'm the fucking bad guy, I'm definitely going to be on the episode. the show. And he actually even said that. He was like, there's an incentive to act crazy because, you know, you'll get more, more footage. Yeah. To what end, though? I mean, what is he getting out of that is my question to him? But you're right. He just wants to be a fucking reality star and he has no moral compass. Like he, I think that he thought that like if he could learn to love this woman he wasn't attracted to it, it would make him a better person. And, or at least it was, it was like it made, I feel like the arc of the show, it made it seem like he was kind of on the,

adjacent to being redeemable and then not. And then it's like, no, you're actually not. Can I be with DeepT? Because I would love to be with her. Everybody would love. I want to be with her. Can I be with her? Deep Dee's got it.

Deepty can get it. Good Lord. She's gorgeous. But one place I think that we can trust the people in reality television is on, is it a cake? This is another one of these that I immediately thought of you, AJ. I was like, there's a new show coming out called

is it a cake? And people make things that don't look like cake. And then the people got to guess, is it a cake? And I am going to watch the dumb fuck out of this show. I'm mad about how much I'm going to watch this show because I'm not going to know which one's a cake and which one's not. It's great. It's like, it takes the best.

It's like Cake Boss fucking crawled so that this show can fly. You know, like, because Cake Boss really was the one who said, I think I'm not immersed in the entire history of reality cake television, but I think I know it pretty well. And Cake Boss and Ace of Cakes were kind of the two OG cake reality shows. And, you know, Cake Boss's thing was like, this cake is a fucking firework. You know, it's a chandelier. You know, he can make a cake do anything. But, but, and then that turned into like this Twitter meme where,

you'd think that somebody was holding like a book and then they would cut into it and would be cake. Is it a cake? So, and now we have transcended into this a full whole show where I can sit down on my couch and look forward to a full episode of Is It Cake? And I think it's so funny. I could not be happier. And also it's great because, you know, this is why I liked Cake Boss in the first place and I never used to watch Love is Blind type of shows because I don't want to sit. I mean, I love, fucking love, love is blind. But sometimes you don't want to sit down and just feel a lot of hatred towards a man.

You know, you just want to sit down and watch a man who's not a misogynist and a fat fob make cake, which is why I like cake boss, although he juries out on whether he's a good man or not. But certainly has instances where he's not been a good man. But I think, again, cake, we can truly, to the extent to which we can turn our brains off for Love is Blind, we can turn them off much more for is it cake. Is it cake, though? But is it cake? That's going to be coming out in the next couple of weeks.

I'm very excited about that. I'm also weirdly excited about Pussy Island. And I would love to hear y'all's feelings on the movie, the film, the film of graphic experience called Pussy Island that will be coming out, which is a play. There's a reason why it's called Pussy Island. Well, it's called Pussy Island because it's a play on Fuck Island. I still think it's bizarre to create like a quirky, weird film clearly based off of the super fucked up island that Jeffrey Epstein note.

Yeah. It's like a definite one-to-one. And like I am actually, so it's made by Zoe Kravitz, her directorial debut, Channing Tatum, who we all know she's shed up in right now, is starring in it of a character that is off type for him. And I think that that's a lot of fun. But when I read into it, I was just like, I am surprised. Like, again, I don't know. I'm not attached to this movie. It was just that I've been reading a lot about it because people are like,

why did Zoe Kravitz make this, like, zany kind of dark comedy about the Epstein Island, essentially? So it is a part of a lot of the conversations right now. And now until you see it, or until we know anything more about it, you really can't judge. it because maybe it has nothing to do with that. But I am a little shocked by it. I think two things are shocking. One is, I think we're supposed to be shocked by the name. I think that's fun.

I like the idea of people having to be like, do you want to go see Pussy Island today? Like, I think that's fun. Yes, yeah, two for Pussy Island. Like normalizing pussy, that's nice. But yeah, all right, we'll have to wait and see. I do think it feels a bit too much like a romp to be about Jeffrey Epstein, like a serial

abuser and rapist of children. How did you feel about the fact that when Zoe Kravitz first took a meeting with Channing Tatum that he showed up wearing crox to their first business meeting? And Zoe Kravitz said, just to be clear, there are people out there who can pull off the crox thing. I just wasn't sure you were one of them.

And was he? I guess he said about Channing Tatum. They're stupid. So I guess you're all that bad in the crocs. I wasn't enough to keep her away from them. I don't think I'm a full on crox convert. I am enjoying wearing crocs today in a way that I didn't expect. But I don't think that I'm going to say that a hot man like Channing Tatum should,

but this is the thing. I was going to say a hot man like Channing Tatum shouldn't wear him. But, you know, a hot man like Channing Tatum will look hot in anything. So he can wear them. Personally, I feel like they're only good for children and the troubled artist. And like nurses, like people that are on their feet all day. And nurses. Nurses love cracks.

Yeah, no, nurse's troubled artists and children are the only, yeah, exactly. Covered, they have to be covered in something, blood, paint, they have to be covered in something. It is nice to just spray them up. Food and vomit and stuff. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, my kids' cracks were covered in mud the other day and I thought, oh, I'm going to have to rinse these off. And by the next day, the mud was just gone. Just gone.

That's the self-cleaning cross. It's fucking self-drying, self-cleaning. Self-drying, self-cleaning, perfect. Yeah, I still wouldn't wear a shoe with a bunch of holes in it to go tramp. No, you psychopath, but I mean, either way, I guess to eat their own, MJ. But regardless, I think it's time for M-Fing celebrity conspiracy. Hit me with the share. Dream and leaving.

Did Olivia Munn have a revenge baby? Oh, my God, she totally did. She totally had a revenge baby. And this is, but it has to do with sports games. sporting men. Oh, no, you hate it when I pretend like I don't know anything about sportsmen even though I don't know anything about sportsmen.

No, I don't know anything about sportsmen. Okay. All right. Well, I don't know. Sounds good. I think I, what did I hate on? I think people showing up to a fun, like, Super Bowl party and being like, I don't get it. Oh, that's where.

You don't like one. I'm there formative about their lack of knowledge. Very performative about the lack of ability. I don't do that shit. I'm there for the dicks. Sit around a television. Yeah, exactly. There's dips.

There's alcoholic drinks. That's all you need. You don't need to know anything it's going on. And hey, the scores are happening, you know, every now. You know when they walk into that one colored area that everyone's happy. Can we have a dip party soon? Because I think not with tobacco, though, but just like regular dips. That's literally like, can you breathe air?

Yeah, we can fucking absolutely have a dip party. Can we please do that? Hot dips, cold dips, ranch dip. Have I told you about, wait, that was, it was me and Jason Kephart, your old roommate. Were you there the Super Bowl? when we made the corn, like the Rubin dip with the... Yes, yes, a million times, yes. Now I just want to dip.

Why did you do this to me, Holden? Skipping the dip. Oh, God, and we got, we have some Mexican food coming. We got salsa coming. Oh, what? Stop talking about food. I'm hungry. Okay, well, this is not food for fair.

What? This is not food for thought. What is me? I don't know. I'm trying to segue. It's losing it. Yeah, it's difficult to do. Thank you.

My job is very difficult. This one comes in from Hannah who writes, Hi page 7 crew, Longtime listener, first time writer. I'm watching a TikTok compilation on YouTube right now and saw a great celebrity conspiracy theory

I wanted to share. At Jake My Do10 made a TikTok theorizing the Olivia Munn and John Mullaney's relationship and child is a long-term revenge plan against her ex-partner slash professional sport ball player Aaron Rogers. Ooh, he's hot, right?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's got a weaner the size of a tint pole. Oh, he does. Ooh, yeah, yeah. It always peaks through the shorts and it peaks through the pants and everything. It's always cool. Wait, is he the one that was engaged to the, and then not engaged to the, what's her name?

Very nice scene. Oh, he is hot. Damn it. Shaline Woodley, they just broke off their engagement. Oh, was he the anti-vax guy? Yeah. Fuck, you're right. All right, whatever.

Well, either way. Long story short, Mun chose to quote very publicly date a high profile lover of the Chicago Bears John Malaney because they are the rivals of Aaron Rogers team Pan Bay Packers. And what's going to draw more attention

than allegedly destroying a marriage and getting knocked up? Sure, the timeline is a bit long for this plan but I believe she could be truly that petty about her breakup with Aaron Rogers considering how public and messy it was and her behavior after. at the very least, if it wasn't planned,

I could see her sending a, and he's a Bears fan, text to Aaron Rogers after her relationship with John Mullaney went to public, right? Honestly, I'm way on, like, Hannah, I think that this is a great celebrity conspiracy theory and I am definitely here for it. The only thing is that if you look at,

and I'm saying, John Mullaney's a very attractive man, but if you look at Aaron Rogers and then you look at John Mullaney, I do feel that I don't know, is that, revenge. You know what I mean? Like Aaron Rodgers is just so, like he's just such a statu-esque

human being that that is, I feel like that is. But he is, he's very funny, he's very talented. On the other hand, he's very funny, he's very talented. Look at Kanye and Pete Davidson, right? I mean,

Pete Davidson, arguably classical, out of the gungalini, but both in different. I think people are attracted to beat Davidson and people are trying to jump ladies. There's like a similar chill.

There's a chill vibe about them. There's a chill vibe about them that seems like, oh, we could just kick back. Like, can you, because again, Kim Kardashian going from Kanye, which I imagine, like, how often did they, like, I'm not saying that they didn't laugh, but like how many days out of the week

were they just like, stop, yay, stop? Like, I feel like she probably, I would assume, has more silly times with Pete Davidson than she would with God. Right. Yeah. And Aaron Rogers, again, the Shailene Woodley thing.

I mean, he obviously does quite well for himself, but I think he's, like, famously, like, a big old piece of shit, which puts John Mullaney in that. That's a revenge to be able to a famously nice guy. Who then? Famously guy. Who then was a famous... Turns us back on his life as well.

Yep. I mean, shit happens. We don't know what happens in the relationship. It is, it really, like... Yeah, I can't really... I mean, being a... Just because I followed their Instagram, and I was like, but they was so in love.

It's like, Jackie. I know. And making an interpersonal choice to end a relationship. Not comparable. We don't know them at all. Yeah. Yeah. But and whereas Aaron Rogers, I'm pretty sure is the one who got COVID toe because he refused to get vaccinated.

Exqueez me? What? Let me look it up. It's not even toe. Somehow it's not in his top. Maybe it's a different NFL player who got COVID. Oh, it's him. He got COVID toe.

What does toe mean? What do you mean toe? You know, toe, T O, he like a toe. COVID toe in the teeth. It's a layman's term for a condition known as bania or chin blinds, which some individuals who catch the virus develop. It involves swelling and discoloration of the toes

and in some instances, blisters, itch, or pain. I did not get COVID toe. But that is, man, COVID's so weird. It's a vascular thing. Whoa. Yeah, so he got, he was like, I'm not going to get vaccinated. And then he got COVID.

and then he was like, oh, shit, I can't wait. My toes all fucked up. Get fucking vaccinated. Hannah finishes this out with, I don't know, y'all. I'm obviously not a stand for anyone involved, so I don't know if this theory is ignoring a lot of other details, but it made me think of you peeps, and I wanted your thoughts. Thanks for the laughs and community you've created.

I hope you guys have a great evening. Hail yourselves, and I love you. Thank you, Hannah. I love you so much for writing in, because this was great. I love, especially I love a good old, like, homegrown celebrity conspiracy theory of just like, I'm high, I got something to say. Please always hit us up at page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

Even if you think maybe it's too radical, we love too radical. We're like the ninja turtles. No, hell no. Also, hold it was Rorschach that said the quote. And I need you to know it. It was. I thought it was the Joker and Dark Night Return to my place.

I just did it. I just did a smoke bomb. Smoke bomb. I am a ghost. Take me to your skeleton brunch. Clickety clock, clickety clock. I'm stuck here with me. No one's invited to my skeleton brunch except for the very skeletons that

attended, okay? So create your own skeleton brunch. You're fatphobic. Let me be at the skeleton brunch. That's a funny. Clip this. I'm Holder MacNeely and I don't like fat people. At your brunch.

And all I'm saying is an at your brunch. You took it out of context. Meets that I put up on the table. I mean, please. We believe you, Hannah. We believe you. And we're all going to the skeleton brunch. And I can't wait for it.

But now, before we go to skeleton brunch, it is time for the list. Oh. Who's on the list? Jackie, you got to say to have that list. 13 weird places that actors found inspiration for us. roll. Seth McFarlane and Quagmire. My father used to buy me old radio dramas and commercials from the 40s and 50s had this high-pitched voice. So Quagmire's a 50s radio jockey on Coke combined with a sex-crazed pervert. And I just, I've been looking, I found this list because I have been

looking into how different people create different character voices, because I think it's a lot of fun and I've been playing around with it with Twilight. But not all of these are character voices like Meryl Streep from the Devil Wears Prada. Streep got aspects of Miranda Priestley from Clint Eastwood. She told Vogue, the voice I got from Clint Eastwood. He never, ever raises his voice, and everyone has to lean in to listen,

and he's automatically the most powerful person in the room. That's fun. And that is a lot of fun. See? This is fun. I'm not having any fun. Oh, then have some fun. Do you want me to say that you're just like Jason Momoa?

Yeah. You're just like Jason Momoa. We're starting. I'm so big and strong and I live under the sea. And I'll punch your fish in his fucking head. Sorry, that's an outburst. I like this outburst. This is the kind of outburst.

I say, keep them coming. But Jason Momoa. And that is how I make love as well. Like the Cal Dro-Jory. You better watch out. We're going to start calling 3-1-1. I don't know if it's called 3-1-1. one here, but I'll call it.

Yeah, I'm a Tyrannosaur. He's calling his wife a fish and he's screeching and I think that is it Tom? Cruz? No. Oh, no, no, no. He's just a little mermaid fucker. That's all. But I imagine Jason Momoa is as well.

But this isn't from Aquamarine, not the movie. Aquaman. Conan the Barbarian is what I was, man. If Jason Mamoa was in the, remember Aquamarine? That wasn't that a Disney movie? No, I'm talking about Conan the Barbarian. To get into character, Mamoa became a total hardened dude

by blasting heavy metal at all hours and acting like a total frat boy. I'm not going to say that's not how I would assume he acts like in life. Right. But maybe it's not. You know, if that's not him, then God bless it. I mean, he's doing a great, maybe he is as great of an actor as they all say.

I love Jason Momoa, and you know that I do. I'm so excited because I forgot a while ago. In the move, I found a picture that somebody, and if you were listening, please let me know if this was you, sent me a picture that they got with Jason Mamoa. And on it, it talks about what he wrote down, what he smells like on a piece of paper,

and I imagine that was embarrassing for you to ask. And I appreciate it and it's going up in my new office. Anyway, Anthony Hopkins. Hannibal Lecter. Hopkins says that his character has a deliberately feline quality. He says, I got to move around a lot

and I sort of modeled my walk on a cat. Oh my God, he's just like T's way. I like cats, and I love the way they pad around. I wanted to get that feel when Lecter is padding very quietly and stealthily in the shadows. I love this quote. Not there.

Oh, well, never was. A Hannibal Lecter. Dickle Mr. Anthony had a ball off deck. Damn it. It's like, I feel like it is, I brought this up on Twilight the other day too, and I'm sorry. I feel like it's like losing the game.

Every time I get the cat, like cats back in my head, I lose the game. Now now it's all like, like wrapped in together, but we don't need to talk about the game right now. But you just lost it. Are we to the hip-hop rapper?

Yes, that's exactly what I'm referring to Holden. He was a guest on that Kanye video where he buries Pete Davidson. Oh, God, and don't worry, Pete Davidson is not scared, apparently. It all comes back right now. Um, sorry, yay can't come to the phone right now. Well, why is that? Because he's dead.

Weird album, I bought the $200 stem player, and it's a weird album. It's three, it's just Mr. Misdavoli's three times in a row, and then crying, kind of over the phone. There's just, oh, why won't you be here? me. You know, it was a very weird, quote unquote, album.

It's more like a sound discovery. Ooh, into it. Last for not least, we're talking about Christian Bale from Vice. Bale won the Golden Globe for his portrayal of former Vice President Dick Cheney and Vice. In his acceptance speech, he said, thank you to Satan for giving the inspiration

on how to play this role. I get it. But I think that that's looking bad on Satan. I don't know if he would have gotten shot in those words. woods, but we don't need to get into dick-changing politics right now because the list is done. You see?

Just picture Anthony Hopkins just explaining his acting choices and him being like, I like cats. Oh my God, wait, you follow him on I act like a cat and I plants like a cat and I smell like a cat. Do you guys follow him on Instagram? I know that I've screamed at you

to follow him on Instagram before, right? No, I'm doing it right now. Anthony Hopkins, because he's got Niblo. Niblo is one of his cats, and his Instagram is one of the most wholesome things I've ever seen in my life. He loves Niblo, and he likes to play the piano,

and it's very positive, and it's a lot of him playing piano in the rain, and he looks up, and he goes, Hi, have a beautiful Sunday. I love you, love yourself, have a great day, and then he'll play the piano. It's like things like that. Anthony Hopkins is a dream human being,

and I love it. Yeah, a lot of pictures of him, at a pool. Yep, he's, he's living, he's doing great. He's doing a great job. Like, I, like, I can never imagine having, like, the amount of, like, clout and being that, like, as big as an Anthony Hopkins. But I feel like I would love to live my life the way he does where, like, he just lives, like, he bought a big home back in his, like, where he grew up. And he spends a lot of his time there, but he kind of just goes from home to home and makes little videos and just tries to be a positive influence for people.

Oh, here's a weird video. It's him at a table with a mimosa and an omelet. What's that in the... A skeleton. Oh, my God. She said skeleton brunch too. I can't believe my eyes to the point where I no longer am able to see. Good segue.

I think I'm going. Blind. It's items. Oh, we can't see them. This is kind of a back in the day. These are kind of old school players. Ooh, okay. This A-list mostly movie actress who sometimes directs

kicked this A-list mostly movie actor who sometimes directs right in the balls when he tried to hit on her while married to his friend. They are since divorced. In fact, there's a bit of a legal battle, I believe, still ongoing between them. Or recently one sued the other because of a vineyard situation. Oh, God, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

And who would the obvious friend be that would do that? So what is it exactly? She kicked, Angelina Jolie, kicked this guy in the balls. He's a good friend of Brad Pitt, and he hit on her while they were still married. Who's Brad Pitt's best friend? Who would just be an obvious name that would be, that are friends with them, especially around back in that time? I'm trying to think of it.

I know it's not called the Brat Packer, the Pussy Pussy. Is he a part of the Pussy Pussy? Yeah, the Pussy Pousy Paws. Yeah, the Pagina. Yeah, the Pagin. I mean, I know it's not old, old Spider-Roman. No. Oh, God.

Toby McGuire? Directs. That's why I know it's not Toby McGuire. I know, but he's in the pussy posse. Also directs. Also directs. Very good. House in Italy.

Leonardo DiCaprio. No. No. He's older. He's a bit of a daddy. He was with a lot of, he was a lover of the ladies, but he eventually settled down. George Clooney. Smart woman.

Yes. Very good. Honestly. You've won your good graces back. I will throw it out there that I didn't expect him to do that. I feel like it's bullshit, but who knows? You know what I mean? No, that's why, like, but when you had said, like, I didn't even think of him to say with that.

I think of him that says scamp, but not a creep. Yeah. He's a horny man, though, but he's horny. And I feel like when a man of that stature gets that horny, I mean, who knows what he's going to do? He's liable to drown a room full way. He's a daddy now. Please hold it. Yes.

I know this. But anyways, that was the blind. Light Newsweek, light blinded at a week as well. I know. I know it. I get it.

I get it. Speaking of which, this is in a crazy 180, this former A plus list singer solo and in a group turned judge wants to start a gospel career because she thinks there's a lot of money in it. She doesn't speak and she is

caught in the spider webs and she... Oh, wait, she just caught it doesn't rider webs Gwen Stefani? She has a judge? Oh, in my head I thought you met more of like a

like she had a celebrity trial show and I was like, wait, Glenn Stefani is becoming a court of law judge because I'll watch the hell out of it. In a recent interview, Blake Shelton spoke about it. His shit is banana.

As they're taking them to prison. As she begs the gavel, yeah. Honestly, I would watch that courtroom show. What happened to courtroom shows? I mean, Chrissy Teakin had one on, what was it called? Like, boop. And everyone screamed about it. They loved it so much on Quibi.

Yeah, that amazingly successful. Because, of course, everybody wants to watch prestige TV and 15-minute chunks on their phone, right? Obviously. That's how people like it. That's how they most prefer it to be delivered to them. And that's not just relegated to literally security guys who sit in a booth all day,

and that's about it in terms of people who like to watch that kind of thing on their phone. But regardless, that was Gwen Safani. In a recent interview, Blake Shelton spoke about how Stefani is making him more spiritual, saying she has such a strong faith in God. And if she was sitting here right now, she would go, God, and then everything else,

everything else. That's number one in her life and has been her whole life. She doesn't beat you over the head with it. She would never do that. That's just her relationship. Hey, but that's just coming for me, Blake Sheldon. I'm a good guy, right? I can fill this big old cup of piss right now. I'll fill this cup with piss.

You look and you'll watch it. And then I'll throw it on the waiter because I'm the kind of guy. I don't like to treat the waiters. Don't put piss on the waiter. That's a weird question. We're making a lot of assumptions today. We're assuming that Kanye never wants things about his kids. We're assuming that Blake Shelton throws piss at waiters.

You never. know how it's going to go. Well, there you go. And the final blind item, things will get very messy if this chef follows through and does sue the A-list celebrity for not paying the agreed amount due to the chef. For all the recipes, the chef provided to the celebrity for a cookbook. I mean, who do we eat the most? Is it Bobby Flay? No. Is it, is the celebrity Chrissy Teigen? Yes. And the chef you've never heard of, Chef Mike. Recently, Teigen went to Twitter to fend herself against the claim that she stole recipes for her book from a dude named chef mike this is the initial tweet i love this twitter person by the way you can't cook or not

copy someone's idea from their cookbook it's copying even though you changed one thing come up with your own shit you fucking bum chef mike saw your shit my file a suit i just saw you review it you review and he called me stick with your filipino shit jeez it's it's got a little racist there. Tegan respond. I'm quoting the tweet. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that Twitter person. I was with you until the racism. Yeah. Stick with your Filipino. Tegan responds with, please tell me who this chef Mike is so I can speak to him. I have never stolen a recipe from anyone and I actively talk about the restaurants I love. Imagine the ego to think someone is copying you when they

haven't heard you. Haven't heard you? Was that what it is? When they haven't heard of you? and it kept going and to me this just really comes down to Chrissy just don't respond to this stuff because it validates it and then the user replied tweeting Chrissy just use your talents

and not others that's all I'm saying I guess you pissed off a lot of people who have worked their whole lives in the field you step and use their ideas in your own at least cry at the person or persons the idea came from smiley face friends I really understand

and then oh and he called me because his NYU restaurant is closed and was reading the article about you and that sparked his rage. Yes, he cooked for your family too. I told him he should be a virtual restaurant show. Do a virtual restaurant show.

Just show the cooking to table and how things work. And then, yeah, she's just like, can you tell me who Chef Mike is? I'll be happy to talk with Chef. Oh, my God. So just floundering, floundering, floundering. It's so funny.

This is why I would never write a cookbook, though, because my cook would be like, you know, make some macaroni. Yeah. I like to make some in kitchen's macaroni and cheese. And I would just, I don't come up with my own recipes. And I'll bet Chrissy Teagan doesn't either. It's just.

But again, that's a lot of assumptions. Assumption three. No, but we talked about this a lot when I used to yell about Rachel Ray and how Rachel Ray notoriously does not come up with her own, like, her own recipes. And she's like, yeah, I'm not a chef. I am a host of these shows. It's like, well, but is that not false advertising? But right now, if I were to put out a cook,

I should just put out of cookbook. It's just all the hello fresh meals I make out every week. Wow. He is good at it. That's the, like, I love talking about food. I love cooking, but my cookbook would be like, I, here's a collection of the recipes from other people that I use. And that's, I mean, it's a dialectic.

Cooking is like, I use this. I actually like recipes. I don't people hate food blogs for the big paragraphs, long, long, long paragraphs at the beginning. But I like it when somebody's like, this is a recipe adapted from this beloved Julia Child recipe. And I just did this. You're like the one person I hate.

I know everyone hates them, but me. I want to hear Smitten Kitchen's story. Tell me whatever you do. You got, you need to write an article about that. I'm into it. You're the one person who likes the way overly weird. Everyone hates it. Scroll down, bitches.

It takes two minutes to scroll down. It's fine. She wants to tell us about how Martha Stewart inspired this adaptation of fucking mac and cheese. That's fine. You know, I like that you experimented with this other Dick's recipe and then you came your way to this recipe. And I love this recipe. And I'm not going to change a thing because I don't experiment like that. Look, I called you a maniac once in the show and I'm going to say it again.

MJ, you are a mania. Yeah, I'm wearing snow boot crocks and I like the intros to food block. Unless you're an M. Janiac because of firemen. And I'm disgusted with myself. I take it. And I can see again and I'm disgusted with what I'm seeing with me, O-9. So here you go. Well, everyone's disgusted today.

Yeah. Yeah. We're all disgusted. Wet sock crops over there. You can see or tell me why it shouldn't be disgusted right now. They're formerly wet socks, if you will. Well, I mean, that's our show for you guys today. Thank you guys so much for joining us.

I have been, we may be disgusted, but I tell you, I got a smile on my face. There you go. And thank you all for joining us. And let us know how you feel about MJ's winter boot, wet sock crocs. I'd love to hear about it. You can follow us on Instagram. And I guess on TikTok, we're jumping in, page 7 LPN. I'm saying it on the episode, which means we have to do it.

And you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. Come hang out on Wednesday, March 16th over on Twitch. dot TV forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. Do you have a strict sponsored murder mystery. And I'm going to come up with some sort of ridiculous character. And let's see if I can stay in it for an hour. hour and hour and a half.

Make it an Australian accent. All right. I'm holding. You know, come just call me some time or something. If you want to talk or whatever. Yeah, we'll call you maybe. Oh, and Twitch.com. TV, 4th slash Hold Nader's Ho.

And just like, I don't know, hug a friend or kiss a dog or do whatever you want to do to make yourself feel better or whatever. Yeah, don't just sit there. Don't just sit in the train like you're doing right now. Don't just sit in the train. Don't just sit there. Make eye contact with someone now. I'm going out with somebody right now.

Eye contact, not make out. Oh, okay. I just make eye contact. And then be like, oh, you want to? Yeah, make eye contact, but make it be like, do you want to make out? But with consent. With consent.

With consent. But, you know, it'll be fun. Twitch. That TV, forward slash holdenators hoe, Monday, Tuesday, Friday, streams. Again, patreon.com. com forward slash page seven podcast. And I, of course, always looking on the page seven email, page number seven podcast at gmail.

for your celebrity conspiracies, blind items, anything. Send them our way. Not just shoutouts. We love them. I love them. I need them. It helps me. My job. Every Monday I sit down and review them and try to pick stuff out like I did this week. Thank you, Hannah. And that's it. M.J. My name is MJ and I'm MJK LKT on Instagram. You can tell me how you think the crocs look over there.

And only nice things. Don't say anything that's not nice. You can say me and sell it. I'm holding. I'm saying you can see it. I am the keeper of the account and I will delete. If you write anything on page 7 LPN, if it's negative, I'm deleting it. Yes, I am falsifying the news over here. I'm being a bit of a ranchist. But before we leave you for the week, we got to sing our shout-out song. And again, thank you guys so much for sending in your shout-outs.

Ready? Shout! Shout! Let it all out. These are the email. that you wrote it about Come on We're gonna read up to you

Come on Uh oh, uh oh It's a shoutouts It's a shoutouts Thank you guys so much for writing in your shoutouts It always makes me smile You can send your shoutouts into page 7 podcast At gmail.com

And whether it's a shoutout or just a hi hello I read absolutely everything Unless it is marked conspiracy theory Because you know I do not look at them that's all saved for little curmudgeony Holden. But we're not talking about Holden, we're talking and

experiencing everyone else's celebrations. I love you guys so much, and I especially love y'all's self-shodouts. Thank you for taking the time to write in and put your own ass up on a pedestal, because hell! You fucking deserve it! Luz, thank you so damn much for writing in.

you brought such a huge smile to my face. Lewis writes, my favorite part of each episode is always a shout-outs. Thank you. I love listening to you read declarations of love and a world full of chaos. Brings a smile to my face each time. I'm turning 30 on the 13th

and would absolutely make this milestone epic if you would sing happy birthday on my favorite show. Happy birthday to yours. As a business owner, wife, mom of two, I struggle to celebrate myself, and I've about had enough of that. And damn it, I deserve motherfucking praise. Hell yes, you do. I'm recovering alcoholic, sober for 15 years. Fuck yeah, good for you. Looking back on my life, I wouldn't change a thing. My experiences have

made me the woman I am today. I feel like I've defied everyone's expectations of me. I met the love of my life in recovery at 18. Our friends told us it wouldn't work. We've been happily married for nine years. Have two amazing kids. People said I couldn't start a janitorial business without prior experience in a new city. Boom. My janitorial business is thriving. I told my husband he wouldn't have to work for anyone ever. I made it possible and we are both our own bosses. People said I would never be able to afford a house of my own. Well, I worked my ass off and boom, we made it possible, baby. I truly feel so proud of myself and grateful to my supportive husband and family. You Holden and MJ have kept me company on my long nights of cleaning

office buildings by myself. I wish to meet you all someday. Your show makes me feel like I'm hanging out with friends. Y'all stay awesome. Los Guido Much and, oh, take yiro much for writing in and appreciating yourself. Just taking that time, even just writing that down. It just, does things, does amazing things for our brain. We got to believe in ourselves. Hell yeah, and I believe in you. And Emma, oh my God, I love you, and I'm so fucking proud of you. Emma says, I'm in a great mood today, despite being in a motel six.

This weirdly hairy room, which I want to know more about, just so happens to be in Hollywood, a place I've wanted to be since I was babysat by movies as a wee one. My pandemic life has been fucking nuts. I was trying to caretake for my brain-damaged husband while keeping my bar from closing and homeschooling my pre-teen children. When my husband left me to drink himself to death and succeeded, it became really fucking hard for me to go to work. I kept seeing him everywhere.

It was giving me panic attacks. So I decided, fuck it. I'm selling the bar and I'm going to go to fucking Hollywood and work on some goddamn movies. I think it's important to teach my kids that chasing your dreams is a reasonable thing to do. in this short-ass life we get. Fuck yeah, Emma. They've been watching me work on screenplays

for the decade plus they've been alive, and now they get to move to the best slash worst city on the planet to see me try and sell them. That's good parenting, I think. I think so fucking too, Emma. When I walk down these streets, I feel like I'm already home,

and I haven't even found an apartment yet. I'm so dang proud of myself for doing something that terrifies me. I'm very lousy at believing in myself in the name of living life to the fullest. Go me. And my fingers are across for you, Emma. I'm so happy for you. You already did the jump. You're already there. And that's amazing. Thank you so much for writing in. And oh, my God, Tara, congrats on the wedding. Ah, we're wedding sisters. I guess we're not wedding sisters, but it's

kind of like we're wedding sisters. Tara Sue writes, I'm getting married on March 26th in Shelbyville, Kentucky. Congrats, congrats, congrats. I am also the adoptive mother of a seven-year-old who plays year-round baseball. Oh, Lord. Gaining two stepkids, working two jobs, and putting together this wedding, mostly myself. Oh, my God, congrats. I understand. I'm also taking it on by myself, and you got this. We got this. And Tara Sue says, but I have done it. I fucking crush it and now it's almost over. Oh, tell me what it's like. I would like to celebrate my bad assery and tenacity. and I hope that everyone else can celebrate theirs too. Thank you so much for all the indirect moral support

and all the ways you've been there for me over the years. As the youths say, you to shit, bra. Is that right? I have no idea, Tara Sue, you're asking the wrong one, but I appreciate the fact that you thought that maybe I was the one to ask. And thank you so much for writing in. Oh, congratulations.

And what do I love just as much as a self-shout? A birthday. Back shoutout. And if you listen to Twy Baby, you know about slapbacks. Elisa got a birthday shout out from her best girl, Emily. And now, Emily, baby, it's your time to shine. Elisa says, it's a birthday shoutout time for my incredible friend, Emily. All my favorite people in the world are Pisces.

But Emily is my top fish. Stay away from her fish fucker cruise. If you hadn't said it, I wouldn't have said it better myself. Not only is she a beautiful vampiric red-headed angel, but she's so smart, thoughtful, and hilarious. We have the most in-sync sense of humor. Uh-oh, bye, bye, bye, and talk almost every day despite living in different states. I can't express enough how grateful I am to have her in my life after all these years. She's the only person I actually text back.

That says something. Oh my God, does that say something? And the only person that has me laughing at my phone like an idiot in public. also gets credit for introducing me to LPN. Welcome, welcome. The only thing as entertaining is listening to page seven is discussing the episodes and laughing with Emily afterwards. We both totally feel like we could hang with Jackie Holden, MJ, and you definitely could, and we absolutely talk about y'all as if you're already our friends, because we are, Elisa, we are. We live inside of your brains, but you live inside of my brain too. Emily, I will love you longer

than Edward will love Bella, and definitely longer than Holden will love T-Swift. birthday's birthday. I hope this year is as bright and beautiful as you are. And I guarantee that it will be. Thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts. I really, really appreciate it. And I enjoy it doing it every single week. Again, that is page seven podcast at gmail.com for our shoutouts. Hit me up about almost literally anything. I might not get back to you, but I will 100% read it. Thank you guys so much for joining us today. And I love you. I love you. I love you. Have a great week. I'll talk to you soon.

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