Page 7 - Ep. 442: Funky Beef Blasters

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

This week we're GASSIN' 'bout Purple People Eaters, the Goopiness of the Oscar Swag Bag (including complementary plastic surgery) and Swag Bags in general, advancements in intimacy gels, the dangers of holding in farts & keeping the romance alive, Ye's Grammy performance ban, Holden's VillainsFest plans, Dolly Parton NOT being able to give up her Rock & Roll Hall of Fame nom, and in celeb conspiracy corner; Lea Michele CAN'T READ?! Also a Beef Blaster filled list, Them Blindz, and SHOUUUUTZ! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Are you ready to be annoyed? Always? Yeah. Spingers says what? It was a one-eyed, one-horn fly, purple people, leader. One-eyed, one-horn fly-per-ba-peepa-little. One-eyed, one-hon little. Shall look strange to me.

All right, and this is when I say, if this is the first page seven episode you decided to listen to, it's not always like this. We sing a different 80s children sung every week. I heard him saying, I'm so gruff, I wouldn't eat you, because you're so tough. Was I want I want.

Wow, I didn't even know the bridge. It's a nothing. Is there a bridge in that song? Oh, Holden, there are how many? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. There are nine stanzas of this song. Please, I prefer to be called by my clown alter ego. Blonzo.

Well, Blonzo is here if you were able to, check out the strict sponsored murder mystery stream. I am sorry for what Holden did to you. But I will also say, please check it out. If you weren't able to check it out over on patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast, I put up, MJ was not involved in this, but I will say, MJ, if you had been, you would have had nightmares. Blanzo says you're going to die tonight.

It sounds like a regular conversation I have with you guys every week, so. I don't know. Maybe, maybe I would be scared, but maybe I would just be used to it. Unbelievable, unbelievable company that gave us money to put on a murder mystery stream over on Twitch.com. Oh, no, it's Jackie. You should totally check it out. And we weren't quite sure of what we were doing. And that is very apparent. And if you want to see six professionals publicly flounder, it was, I think, it was actually, it was so invigorating for me when it comes to like, content making it. It was like, that's great. I actually haven't been like scared while I did something before in a while. And Strix just let us be whatever characters we want. Like it just like wrote, did all of this work and we were just like, yeah, yeah, we're going to do work. Blanzos

here. And just nightmare people. My new favorite lane is of entertainment is teaching Jackie a game 15 minutes before a live stream and then just watching her have to figure out how to play the game. not just play the game. Host the game. It was so good. I was crying. My stomach hurt. It was so much fun.

That was definitely, yeah. I think I want to just see one of those dumb, like, is it cake, Netflix shows, but just like, teach someone a game, make them host, and fuck it, let's just do murder mystery parties. Make someone the host of a murder mystery party, teach them the rules 10 minutes beforehand

and just like make them just try to figure it out and like play. I mean, it's kind of like Murderville a little bit, but, you know, even more hilarious in my opinion. And, you know, murder mystery is really loom large in the imaginations of us millennials because of, I think, single-handedly the Save by the Bell murder mystery

that we all grew up with. And basically every... Of course, the classic. I think every sitcom, 90s sitcom had one, but the Save by the Bell one. Now, that's the Citizen Kane. That's the Citizen Kane. 90s sitcom murder mystery party episodes.

You're giving a game to be hosted by a person where games were illegal in our house growing up because of how horrible Henry and I were to each other. So it's in the same way when people are like, oh, it's just like simple video game rules. I'm like, but if I don't play video games, so simple video game rules, like, I don't like, oh, you probably hit A to open the door. Like, I don't fucking know. So I'm shooting from the hit.

Right. Yeah. But speaking of the citizen cane of our childhood, the reason why I was, I started with the novelty song, Purple People Leader, because I just forced. MJ and Holden to watch the trailer for the 1988 movie Purple People Eater that I thought I had come up with in a fever dream. And I did it. And it's real. And Neil Patrick Harris was in it.

And the Purple People Eater comes to Earth and then becomes a member of their child band. And Dustin Diamond, speaking of Say by the Bell, is in the child band. Yeah, that's weird. That kind of brought it back around. That tied the whole room together. I will say that please that people lead are terrifying and it's a monster that eats people

so I'm not really sure why we'd have fun in a children's movie about it but you saw it this is one of those fun phenomena I think we all have where we have something hidden the back of our head to the point where we're like how is this a crazy That's what it's called right? Yeah yeah yeah yeah of course

Montchallis Mandela yeah and you think you made something up that doesn't actually exist because you were a kooky imaginative kid and then lo and behold, Proble People Leader of the movie exists. And I'll say this right now, of course you didn't think exists.

I've never heard of it. And I love bad, weird kids movies like, you know, the Garbage Pale Kids movie. Yeah. And what's Mac and Me? Oh, my God. Mac and Me. Oh, God, God, look Macon Me.

But that's the thing, is that the song, they wrote an entire movie based on the song that is nine stances long. Yes. Admittedly, which is like a Billy Joel ballad of its time in a way.

You know, like nine stanzas is quite, you can make a movie out of that. That's absurd amounts of stanzas. And little Richard is in the movie. Little Richard was in everything in the 90s slash 80, whatever. The arrow we are talking about, late 80s to mid-90s, little Richard guest starred in everything.

Sorry, here's the crux of the song. I said, Mr. Purple People eater, what's your line? He said, eaten purple people, and it sure is fine. but that's not the reason that I came to land. I want to get a job in a rock and roll. Man. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Racist! Racist people eater. Wait a minute. He is purple modifying eater? Or is it modifying people? Is he a purple people eater? Do you think it's around this point that people start going, oh, it is, must be a slow news week of?

I'm talking about Bruce people live. No, it's because I sit and I talk to myself for a living. And so when I'm not talking to MJ and Holden, I'm recording Twilight for our Patreon page. So I'm sitting. I talk to myself for hours. She's so confused. She was like, have I brought up Purple People Leader for you guys?

Not only does she not remember a thing she doesn't remember a movie that she made up that doesn't exist, but she also thinks she might have talked about something she never talked about on this podcast. This is true. You're in a house of mirrors, man. I mean, I feel like at this point, you know, you're like one of those movies where, you know, the artist gets lost in their own, you know, you're like Antichrist, like Chaos Rains or whatever. Oh, no, don't let me be lost in the Purple People Leader and then they're going to attack my groin. Don't, yeah, don't Antichrist me right now.

Yeah, they're going to hit your penis with a wooden block. Sorry I said that. It happened in the movie. It happens in the movie. It happens in the movie. Not the 1980s. I thought you're referencing the movie Purple People. referencing the movie Purple People

Leader, which we were also just talking about. That's why you look so scared. Murder Fist on its last legs. I have to say, talking about us so, we did a comedy bit for this festival that will not be named because it'll associate us probably with people get upset about. Purple people leaders.

And so we were like, it was like kind of an edgy, whatever kind of festival. So we were like, we came up with this bit. We were just such upset comedians. We came with this bit. We were like, walking out of us. stage were like, I had a good week and oh yeah, what'd you do?

Oh, I filmed and take a look at this and we just kept showing like those upsetting scenes from Antichrist. Everybody in the audience was just like, what the fuck? People were so visual upset. I was like, I thought you guys were like the badass comedy audience on it.

I thought you guys like, wanted this. You know what I mean? But they were just so upset about it. They weren't ready for Antichrist, though. They didn't expect Antichrist at a comedy show and I don't think that that is asking for too much. Well, I had a good week, too.

Oh, yeah. Like, that was the whole bit. Like, and we just kept showing, like, the same horrific scenes from that movie over. That was so good. This is why I always defended murder fist. I was like, you know what? I can't explain it.

But I will always laugh my ass off at a murder fist. You have to get the darkness out sometimes. And, you know, we got it out via sketch for about 13 years. But I do think that maybe we're going to be getting upsetting things. into things. Maybe there should be a copy of Antichrist in the Oscar nominee swag bag that is going to be given out. I'd rather a copy of Antichrist than a bottle of sperminidine. Are these? Yeah, what is that, by the way? I didn't explain it in the article. They were so perplexed by the product. That's like insane. So let's let's set up this, the Oscars swag bag bag. You know, it's been a rough three, four years.

We're in a pretty rough part of the three, four years. It's been a rough. of one, two, three, four. Who fucking knows at this point. And I do know that it's like, we've talked about this on here before of like celebrity culture and celebrity news is definitely written about differently than it was when we first started page seven, what?

12 years ago? Yeah, it was like everything, it was fun. Everyone was like, we love them, we're obsessed with them, celebrity. It really was. And now it is like, let's take them down. And there's a lot of, let's take them down. And the Oscars, let them have the Oscars. Yeah, it's definitely gone down

But it's like Let the Like the getting Being an Oscar winner still means something And it's still like I wish that the Guidelines would change And they are trying to make things different

Of course right now They've got to like See Coda Didn't you see We're rewarding a really good movie But there's deaf people It's like yeah You're right

It is a great movie And I'm not gonna suck your cock Oscars And I'm certainly Yeah whatever Last year's deaf movie Was better anyways Yeah like all of those Sound of Metal.

Can you please do me the favor? For Medelladine? And read the first sentence from this article. Just to give everyone a sense of... Where they're coming from? Just how... Yeah, just the tone we're getting from a lot of articles these days on website. It's crazy. It's so negative.

The Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences are gearing up to once again host their annual cool kids party. This time continuing to insist upon their cultural relevancy and, you know, egalitarianism, but the Oscars can't do anything to change the simple fact that their get-together is increasingly seen as yet another ivory tower institution that many of us simply can't be bothered to give a damn about. And I think it was this article, maybe it's a different one who called it a glorified office party. No, no, no, that's in this one, but later on.

That's funny. It is funny, but it's just so, I mean, it's just, you got. to have a baseball bat with fucking barb wire around it if you're going to write an article about the authors or anything like it these days. Yeah. And especially the swag bags. And I will see that like back in the day, which I mean, we still do. We love shit and all over like Goop's list of like ridiculous things that of just like, I know

celebrities. They're not just like us and I know they have very different lives. And this is pretty goopy. This is very goopy. Yeah. This is goop. It's out gooped goop this year actually, I think this swag bag. Yeah.

Goop had some sensible. nice gifts on her list this year. Right. You know, and there she's... Like that kill a man gift certificate where you get to kill a free man. Yeah, well, did you know

that spermididine taking regular the supplement can have a significant impact on health and lifespan? Wow. Is it a supplement for your sperm? Do we know that? Or is it just has sperm in it?

It's got, it seems, I think, like, it's a just a part of sperm. It's also a part of other things that you eat, I guess. So is this just a way to get people to drink calm? Is that what's happening here? You think about it.

Remember the baby, they were doing the stem cell research they did with the, oh, what's it? Peony covers. Peany cover, peony hats, condoms. Four skin.

Thank you. Four skin, facials. Never say peony cover again. And by the way, you're giving me trauma because Lexi would torture me by calling my penis,

my peony. And I said, never again in this house. It just diminishes the whole situation. Does it have a hat on it? A hat. Maybe like Gloria. I want a big,

my big angry sloggert or something. That's what I want to hear. My big gruesome, that's what I want to hear. You can take it and you get it and it helps you with your body, apparently. And there are science. I'm an Ivermectin guy, all right? So I'm going to stick that back. Now, this is not even the thing that people are upset about.

Yeah, I guess they might be upset about the olive oil that has literal gold flex in it. But you have to remember, doesn't gold slog? Yeah, that's fine. I'm also just, this is this new trend where it's so egregious. People are paying $2,000 for someone to wheel out a steak covered in gold paper as if that's a thing that makes the food good or anything. It is, it is annoying that everything has to have, like, gold in it, and then they slap a ridiculous price tag on it. And it's just like not, exactly. You can get just, how much is gold shlogger? Man, I love gold flogger. I haven't had that about 15 years, but I would absolutely drink it right now. It's tacky, but I like that it's tacky, but it's tacky.

You know, like, gold on a steak shouldn't be $2,000 because it's kind of tacky. But, like, listen, they get a, if you get nominated for a fucking Oscar, you get a bottle of gold-flect olive oil, fine. I want to be rewarded for my hard work on an Oscar-nominated film. Give me a thing of gold-flect olive oil, and other people don't need to judge me about that. Like, that's fine, you know, I feel like. Well, enjoy your glorified office party. I'm going to be in the dark cutting my... and crying about, you know, my high school sweetheart who I'd lost out on because I was too scared to ask her to be my best.

Maybe it's because I never had a workplace that this glorified office party actually looks really, really fun. And the shitty swag bags, you know, there's a bottle of avocado oil that's also $200. My question is, why are you getting both avocado oil and olive oil in the sales bag bag? I mean, I'll use both, but mix it up. I love that on it, it says this $200 avocado oil promises to lift the oxidative burden at the cellular level. That's exactly what I need. Man, I'm fucking depressed. Why did you just start sucking down some avocado oil?

Maybe it'll make my cells regenerate. My cells are burdened, deep. When I say I'm feeling stressed out, I mean it's in my cells. Yeah. Obviously. So my thing is, or my question asked y'all is, have you ever gotten? like a notably dope swag bag. I feel like I've gotten some,

hey, I've had some swag bags in my day. I don't want to brag about my swag bag. But I'm gonna do a little spat swag bag. I've never received anything ever. You've never, no. We did, um, I think we got a swag bag when we went, we did that EC&Y Awards. We got a swag bag.

No, you guys always take the bags. I never get any of the bags. And it's not because I was blacked out drunk and probably left. We got a Spotify, like, kind of the swag bag. The Spotify swag bag was the best swag bag I've ever got. I still use all that blanket. The blanket is black.

Blanket. I use that every morning. Except you're barely not supposed to put a cashmere blanket in the washing machine. No. Oh no, what do I do with it if it gets dirty? You fucking pray about it. I think you dry cleaning, baby. I can't believe no one in my houses vomited on it.

They vomited on everything else. Yeah, I'm kind of surprised I haven't had to wash it either because I was about to say. I use it during nap time with Winnie in the morning. Be careful. It's so comfortable. I love it. I would never do something so stupid as put it to watch.

Well, if you lived with cats and the cats puked all over it, well, I was like, well, I guess I gotta wash it. And it, like, destroyed my... Everything had black fluff all over it for, like, I don't know, three weeks. I'm sad. I will say that one time for a show,

I got a promotional, and this is veering into territory that I don't usually discuss on the show, but I got promotional. for a show that I did, I got like, it was being billed as, it was advertised as like the female,

like a female Viagra, which is obviously just kind of missing the point at many levels because like that's not anatomically quite how it works. But it was supposed to be like a- So does it make your clit hard? It was like a lube, but it was supposed to be like a lube that also like got you going. Oh, like an arousal gel.

Yes, but- Honestly, they work great. Well, Well, I... What does it do? It just tingles? This was a good decade and a half ago maybe, and maybe the technology hadn't really been mastered at that point.

But yeah, I tried it and I hated it. And I didn't realize I hated it until about two to five minutes later. At which point... It like burned? I was like, ooh, uh-oh, I don't like this. I don't like this. And, like, actively made things unpleasant. It was just that it didn't work.

Same if you've ever used, like, a K-Y hot and cold or whatever. And, like, at first you're like, okay. And then like immediately, but just when it's too late, you're like, no, no, no. You know, it's like a kind of menthol experience. It like stung? Like, yeah, it just burns. It's just like, I promise you, not all arousal gels do this. There are some that actually are really fucking great.

I was about to say, does Jackie have a sponsor for you? Jackie, take it away. I'm not a sponsor by Promescent, but I would say look up promescence arousal gel because it's kind of, it's zay. It's good. Yeah, if you're like, I'm not feeling it. and you've got a pussy. It really kind of makes it,

it makes it all tingly, and then it makes it really wet, and then you're like, ooh, I'm ready to, woo! Okay. Well, that's good. This was just like, it really felt as if you were just putting,

like a, like a, you know, like an icy hot situation. Yeah, like releasing, like it's kind of felt like you were releasing a tiny dog onto your gym. Yeah, yeah. It was very upset with it.

And I didn't even, like, want to use it. It was my compulsion with a swag bag is if it's free, I have to use it. I have to. Yeah, of course. If you give it to me in a swag bag, I will use it. And so I was like, I guess I'm going to try this out and immediately regretted it.

But again, that was, you know, a long time ago. And they've probably made big leaps and strides in the. Shoutouts to Stream Labs. For their swag box, I got sent not too long ago, the automatic wine opener is being used for sure. Ooh, that's a good one. Oh, it's full of great stuff. Love stream labs, love Twitch.

They're very scary right now. What did I? How many cooking oils weren't at Holden? Because the Oscars one has at least two. And I don't think it even counts as a swag bag anymore if you don't know. Yeah, I think at least it had a four to five

different variants on oils for sure. I bet. That's definitely my oil game is on point. But in the Oscar swag bag, bag, there's also complimentary plastic surgery. So if you say, all right, we've got to use everything in the swag bag. What are you going to get done if you get given complimentary plastic surgery? Are we talking like, real house at the Salt Lake City, walk into the clinic, you get an hour type of plastic surgery, like Botox?

It only says that. It only says. I would do tummy tuck for sure. Just because, like, I've had this beer belly. I cut out beer. I'm feeling really good about it. I think, like, when I reintroduce beer, it's not going to be, like, it'll be a special occasion, maybe once a week at most.

So I feel like I could keep it down. But I just feel like I always have this little beer belly kind of belly brick wall. I need to burst through like the Kool-Aid man who also has a big belly, mind you. And be a skinny boy again. I'm like, do I have body dysmorphia? I thought I always was kind of chubby or always had like kind of a belly and stuff. I've looked at pictures of like when I was first in New York and stuff. And I was like, I was like rail thin.

Like, what is that? What, what is that? What, what's going on? I don't think we had time to think about what we looked like when we were that young because we were so broke. I'm like, I don't have time to those. It's like, can I afford a 50 cent buttered roll from the bodega? Great. Well, I was just telling MJ before we started too that like, you know, I had one of those

situations where like years after, a few years after the fact I found out like multiple of the hottest girls in my like theater school had a crush on me. and I was just a complete idiot moron. And also just, I think I just didn't think that. It's also part of the reason why you were so attractive to that. Right, because I didn't. I just was not on my radar because I did not think I was attracted. No.

You know what I mean? And now looking back on it, dude, I jerked off to a picture of myself from college like two days. Good for you, bro. And have you been jerking off to any pictures of the singer that was hospitalized because she wouldn't forked in front of her partner? I feel like deja vu, because we just had that girl from 90-day end up in the hospital from a sort of a gaseous issue. I mean, I will say this. Speaking of cutting out beer, a big part of it was that I, it's talking about farting around your same of the other.

I would wake up every morning and just blast these like crazy farts. And it was definitely connected to the IPAs that I was drinking the night before. And I mean, it didn't matter, it didn't matter where I was in the apartment. I mean, I would go into the bathroom, but Lexi could hear a loud and clear, because these were just like, I mean, I don't want to say blasters, but I'm going to say big old fucking funky beef blasters of suffra. It was Jackie's worst nightmare, you know what I mean? It was just another afternoon at the clumps, you know what I mean? Hercules, Hercules. Herculees.

But I was just, man, so one of the main reasons I was like, I don't want to be farting my ass in front of my wife. My love of my life and my baby too. She's trying to sleep in her crib. And what's happening? Daddy's just fucking blasting, popping balloons in the bathroom. You know what I mean? It's just ridiculous what was going on. So that was another reason why I wanted to give up drinking IPA every single night of my life.

Are your farts really better since cutting out beer? Immediately. Really? Oh, yeah. I'm like, oh, it was completely the beer. Really? It was 100% the beer. Immediately not farting my entire ass every morning when I wake.

cup like a six-year-old man. And I should say, of course, with the plastic surgery question, and tell me, you know, there's, I, there's, this is like a loaded question that ties into like, you know, lots of people's feelings about their own bodies and stuff. And I support holden cutting out beer, not for whatever it does to your body and how it looks, but for how it makes you feel. And I also drink a lot of IPAs. And it is interesting to hear that your farts get better. I feel like that's actually pretty relevant information. Just don't drink IPA for like one or two nights and just not and just see how you don't fart in the morning.

Going back to this, the reason why I brought up this up was this woman ended up in the hospital because she didn't want to fart in front of her significant other. She is a singer and she's a Brazilian singer and she has 15.7 million followers and she wasn't at the place yet to break wind, which you know what? throwing out there. I think break wind might, I might even hate the phrase break wind even worse than fart. It's just like too fancy. Get your fart machine, Jackie. Did the fart machine survive the move or did you throw it away? Of course. How dare you, MJ? Because it made the move. Where is it's right over here? I'm glad you keep it close by it all time. Of course I did. Actually, speaking of quick sidebar, MJ, MJ purchased also for Jeff and I for

Christmas a stick man grill accessory where you put a hot dog where the person's penis would be and then you grill a hot dog like that and I was like I feel like this is just saying a lot about

the idea I'm like I looked at it before because I put it up on a shelf and I didn't tell Jeff about it and then he's like what's this are you threatening me? I was like yeah that's what MJ was doing too. Like, I'm gonna take your dick

and I'm gonna put it over a fire. I was looking for hot dog novelty gifts and the, it's pretty high in the algorithm to get the hot dog penis roaster. I can't wait to use it. I'm gonna put it on immediately the second I am around to fire, I'm going to use it. I'm like, yeah.

It's like better than just shoving my dog on a stick. But wait, I actually identify with this Brazilian woman because in high school, I would get these horrible, severe ston stomach aches when I was hanging out with my friends. And I realized now that it was because I was too embarrassed to fart in front of anybody. And so I would just instead torture myself until I wanted to die by not farting. And really, this is, we need to just educate adolescents about

farts and why it's okay to fart in front. We need to, like, tell people raised as girls that is okay to fart in front of hot boys. And we need to tell boys, hot boys, that's okay to still that hot people can fart in front of you and you should also like them. Wasn't there something though to keeping the romance alive at all, though, I mean. All right, let's hear it, Jackie. Yeah. Let's pick it up. Oh, yeah.

That's a fun one. Yeah, the squeaker. It's a long squeaker. All right. Can we have some stability at all in this podcast. For anyone who's just catching up, I send this to Jackie because she sent my children a drum set. And so I had to send her. a fart machine.

But I don't have kids, so there's only so much you can torture me, which is great. But you know what, this, that's why I keep it because I didn't want you to think that it was all for not.

I am tortured by this. You got to keep it after I give away the drum machine, which I'm not doing anytime soon. That sounds like that. I think MJ, MJ, I'm kind of in, I'm kind of in between on this message, right?

Because I think to some degree, it's important to, like, make sure to pay attention to, like, keeping the romance alive and, like, keeping things fun and sexy around the house. You don't need to take a shit in front of your spouse. Yeah.

Or like put it in your hand and like rub it on your cheeks and be like, I'm Mr. Sheet, man, you know, and like chase her around with your dukees. I miss a shit, maister. I miss a love fucker. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it fucks your love. Jackie used to do that all the time with like her exes. You know, I was just like, Jackie, this is so inappropriate.

You know what I mean? It smells bad. It looks bad. Covered in my shit. Yeah, yeah. And she's just like, you know, yeah, that was back when she needed a lot of love advice for me, but she's got a lot better now. I still call him, I call him about three

times a day. Just like, what do I do? Just be like, how do you kiss a man? I was just like, Jay, how do you kiss a man? That's where we're at. I mean, you're almost married to this guy. But anyways. Somehow. But anyways. Yeah, so I go back and forth, but

at the same time, I feel like once you get to a certain point, you know, especially going through like a labor with someone and every, you know, you see it all, you let it all hang out. You know what I mean? But just go into the bathroom. That's what I don't understand with this.

I guess I get it. But it's like, I don't, you don't have to fart for your partner just to not far, like, go just fart somewhere else. Actually, yeah, I feel like years ago when I, like, I felt like the kids that I, I don't know if they still do this and I don't know if it's a youth trend or if it was just specific to this one school. But when kids had to fart, they would just be like, can I go out in the hallway? Like, and it was great because it was like, farts aren't secret, but they are

something that you know that you don't necessarily want to do sitting at a table full of other people. It was like a great balance, you know, to be like, can I go fart out of the hallway? I'm going to fart. It's not like I have to like secretly hide my tampon, which also we should, you know, normalize asking for a tampon. Yeah, shouldn't have to hide that shit. Yes. You know, don't hide your tampons. Don't hide your farts. Shout out to Turning Red, by the way, awesome movie about, about that sort of thing. And I thought that that was really cool that we're finally getting to the point as in evolution where we can just have conversations about, you know,

this incredibly natural, normal thing that, like, every woman goes through in their life. Yeah, only took until my middle age. It's crazy. To not treat it like some puritanical as if it's like some kind of orgy, you know what I mean, or something, like the, you know, some sort of kink or something.

I mean, come hang out on Tuesday. It's also why we should be able to talk about sex as well and not treat it like it's a shameful thing. I'll hang out with Dr. Jordan Nye on Twitch. on TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie every Tuesday at 8 p.m. Very good. But you were saying on the other hand,

you don't want to take a big fart in front of a hot person when you're about to thug. Or there's a time and a place. I think you got to get to a point in your marriage where like you can laugh about a fart or like you can, you know what I mean? Like it's a give and a take. I think there are certain moments.

Maybe when you is, at least when you know sex is not on the table, at all. You know what I mean? I mean, you should be able to laugh about a fart. Yeah, and every partnership is your own partnership. You know, it's like, it really does talk about it. You'll get to a point.

But I understand in the very beginning when you're like, I'm trying not to. Yeah. But if you get to a point where you're hospitalized. Yeah, yeah. It's absurd. Well, I hate this whole thing, too, of people being like, I can't even,

essentially what she's trying to be like is like, I can't appear at all human for my lover. to be this like sexual creature. I have to be this like this this fucking essence of lust. You know what I mean? Food poisoning. Like I mean, Jeff and I were in a tiny hotel room in Chicago. Yeah. All of us had food poisoning. So we just took, we just high fived in and out of the, it's like,

it's coming out both ends. And I'm like, oh, sorry. Like you get to a point. We're like, eh, that's just got out of how it goes. It's got to be cool. I mean, you got to not be weird about it. I mean, this lady here is like, it's way too. excessive. I mean, I hate when people try to go through that much effort with their... I will also say, I've never been that hot and I can't imagine. And like, I'm saying this, like, she's like, otherworldly. That's the thing where I feel like that's what she's doing. She's trying to fully be otherworldly. It's like, actually, though, you're a real person. Yeah, you fart. And if you don't fart, you get a terrible stomachache. Yeah. And it's awful. And if someone is going to not

love you, you especially, you know what I mean? Because you farted once. Then kick them to the fucking curve. You'll still be hot. I'll tell you what more than that. Slice them open. Take a very sharp knife. Slice them down. Wow. And then kick them to the curb. They're bleeding out.

They're like, oh, God, my fucking guts are everywhere. You know what I mean? You're just like, yeah, dude. Because I should be able to fart in front of you and you're not fucking, I'm like the hottest chick you'll ever see in your life. Yeah, like, is the hottest chick

you ever seen your life going to fart in front of you and then you're going to be like, I can never get a boner for you again. Right. But then the difference is like, don't just be gross all the time. Because then, yes, you're going to kill the romance

and you're going to, like, ruin it, you know what I mean? Don't just like all, especially if you know, you know, because especially if it's something you know eeks the other person out, like, I know Lexi like hates it. If she ever catches me picking my nose,

she like fucking hates it. Like, you know what I mean? Everybody's got their things, you know? It's like, if you're watching 90 day fiancé, we know how Jimena feels about getting farted on by her partner. Well, I mean, yeah, don't fart during, try not to fart during sex ever, though.

But also, if it happens, it, like, you laugh about it. And the same way, like, queefing happens, too. It's like, you're a guy, got a hot. I mean, that's part of it. I mean, that's just, that's, that just, you know, that's completely a part of it. But, yeah, I don't know.

So anyways, it's a weird give and take, I feel like, because it's like, yeah, actually you do need to, especially after a while in a marriage or in a relationship, if it's been a long time, you actively have to work on keeping things like romantic and species, spicy, spicy, around the house. But at the same time, you've been together for so long. You should be able to, like, do stuff, like that and enjoy the fact that you're comfortable enough around another person to be able to

beef blast, big, tucking dumb ass. Blast. Sounds like what Kanye is probably going to do all over the Grammys. We're talking about this guy still. I know we need to talk about the fact that he is banned from performing at the Grammys because I am, it is like, I'm actually surprised. that it is happening, that the Grammys are banning him from performing due to concerning online behavior, regardless of the fact that he is up for five Grammy Awards. Do you think he's going to show up anyway?

No. I don't even have anything. He's banned from performing. He's not banned from attending. Oh, really? Oh, God. Why? Well, maybe.

A recipe for. Trevor Noah's hosting is like such a big, I was like, oh, well no shit then. I mean, it's such a perfect recipe for disaster to have him perform because of everything it's going on and how much he likes to. I mean, I love the breaks.

In that article, there's a breakdown of all the insane shit he's done within like just the last little while, much less through his career. It's like just such a laundry list of like just stuff that I'm sure that people at the Grammys don't want to have. Speaking of Trevor Noah,

Trevor Noah was one of the people that openly was like, I like Kanye. And then. Yeah. Connie, I mean, this is this is a long story short, and then Connie kind of went after him online. I can't believe his Trevor Noah post is so fucked up with the racial racist slur and everything.

Oh, no, really? I missed the Trevor Noah. Oh, my God, yeah, it is so bad. You know, that's even Trevor Noah then afterwards that I said, counsel Kanye, not cancel Kanye, which is what it seemed like is how he took it. Trevor Noah is also going to be hosting it, like you can see immediately of how like,

maybe this isn't a good idea. Yeah, he should, well, he shouldn't be able. It's live, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, I'm sure that the security at the Grammys is quite good on the one hand. On the other hand, you'd think that, like, I feel like I, the last four to five years

have destabilized my entire idea of being like, crazy shit won't happen, you know? Like, the security at the Capitol building's pretty good, you know? Yeah. And I was like, oh, like, what do I, why would I think something absolutely fucking crazy couldn't happen? Of course it could, you know. You know, and I don't think, there's no evidence that Kanye is like violent, you know,

interpersonally violent or anything. But it does seem like a volatile equation to have him there. And I hate to say it, but I think it's smart that the Grammys did that. I feel gross saying that because it just feels like. Just know he's going to do something. Censorship-y, but not censorship-y, that's the government. But, you know, it feels weird to be like- Violent.

Yeah. Or see-me, or not violent in action, but violent in tone. Yeah. And of what he's saying. So I, and I do understand, like, being nervous about that, obviously. Yeah. But now that there's a huge petition for him to also not perform at Coachella either. And so, like, like you just said, MJ, though, how far does it go then?

Like, do you, you know, in a festival like Coachella, where people are there to see multiple other people, but then does it go so far as to also say then, well, what you're saying means you can't perform anywhere anymore? Because I also don't think that's right. It's not right on the one hand, on the other hand. I mean, my whole, the whole thing, there's this. This I'm scared of.

This part I'm scared. Like, this I'm glad he's not performing at the Gramies. I just want that to be clear. But I apologize. Right. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's like I said the word censorship, but it's the wrong word, right?

because free speech isn't about like private institutions deciding they don't want you there. It's about the government not like being able to incarcerate you for what you say. He's also publicly giving threats. Like he's always so, I understand. Yeah. And also, you know, a cherry on top of that, he also kind of got open about how even though, you know, Travis Scott was actually asked to not perform at Coachella, he was going to still bring him on into his set. Right, right.

And that's why he was making that big stink about Billy Islandish, which I think is sucks. And then who else is going to be. to be there. Marilyn Manson, da baby. Like, I'm just a little over. Remember the doc thought crimes? Well, right. In the same way where, like, you can say a lot of things and it does kind of depend

on what you do. Yeah, and I don't know, it just feels, but it feels like he's promote. I'm playing devil's advocate. Because I do. He's promoting. No, but I don't even know if I agree at the end of the day. Like, maybe in a week I'll feel different. Yeah, that's how I, it's hard to come down one way or the other because, again, any private

institution organization has the total right to be like, we don't. appreciate the way you're saying this or what you say, and we can say that's not welcome here. And that's fine. That's like a separate issue from free speech. And it's like I think it's appropriate and fine that the Grammys wants to say this kind of messaging is not okay with us. And I think it would also be fine and appropriate for Coachella. But as you said, Jackie, it is like, it's complicated with Connie because it's going to have this ripple effect. Or like, yeah, like you said, hold on all these different artists who are also,

It's going to create this bizarre, extended West Side Story-style turf war where people are going to make statements standing with him or against him, and it's going to probably escalate rather than de-escalate, right? I also want to say this quote from Trevor Noah, which I do, like, I think that it says a lot. Trevor Noah said the most powerful, richest woman in America can't even get this man to stop harassing her. That says a lot about the amount of celebrity he has and how it leads to zero accountability. And you got to be scared when you're talking about, what, a hundred thousand? Like, I don't even know how many thousands of people that go to Coachella of, like, not that he would hurt people,

but why put the risk? Like, I understand why it's a part of the conversation. All right, this is what I think, and no one's going to agree with me on this. Ooh, I like this. Is it flying purple people eater? A great way to start a statement. We have a villains festival. Okay?

We roll them all out. Okay? We've got them. We've got Chris Brown. Everybody who's like somehow still has a career and yet is just a definite villain completely in every way. We just bring them everybody. We put them all in one festival every turn. Roman Polanski.

Yeah. Probably. Maybe Cosby will do a few bits. Harvey Weinstein. Our Kelly will come out and do the two songs everyone like. and you know what I mean? Yeah, well, yeah, weirdly, somehow Weinstein will have do authority. I don't remember if he's still alive, but, you know.

And like every turd who's just in it because they like shoes that much can go, you know, to that. And then, but then maybe, I don't know, we could like trap them there or something too. So we can even figure out a way to make it work for people. Maybe people would agree with this. And then we'll trap them, you know what I mean? And make them do some kind of hunger games survival island. Yeah, I think that's like totally legal. I think that everybody knows how legal that is.

And I know these are no one, but it's like, I've seen Battle Royale. Yeah. I mean, it would make for great TV. Yeah. Is that a documentary? I think Trevor knows. Wait is a really good one, though, because it's like, this is not just about being like,

Connie is acting erratic, which is how it's been for a good five to seven years now. But it's like, no, this is like this man is harassing this woman publicly. And like, she can't even stop it, you know? And so I think that it's, that, that institutions like the Grammys and Coachella being like, we don't condone this type of, this harassment. This is like public harassment of, you know, of a woman. I feel like that actually, like hearing that Trevor Noah quote actually clarifies it for me to be like, yeah, like, whatever, slippery slope, yada, yada, yada. You don't want to like have a whole, you don't want to escalate the problem, whatever.

but like to send a message and for young people or whatever to be like okay like serial harassment is not good and we'll have consequences that's good for harassment to have consequences but MJ really good albums yeah shoes i mean these are things that exist i don't care for the shoes but i do love the albums so albums are great albums are great i like the ones that look like um crocs on ass i love those ones Although if they were cold crocks on acid, I'd probably buy them. I probably would probably also buy it. But yeah, I know, it's ridiculous. I just feel like the liveliness of it. And it just makes me uncomfortable because I know Pilly Islea Ish going to be there. I know Trevor Nora. I know Trevor Nora is going to be there, the female version of Trevor Noah.

Weirdly enough, only the last name. Okay. Oh, okay. Yeah, I like it. For some reason, I don't know why that is. And also, you know, just a lot. Yeah, it just feels like a, just a bad. bad time. And I don't want to see somebody unhinged

take the stage and say a bunch of like fucking terrible shit. Also, I'm just, you know, I just wouldn't put it past them because they just end up everywhere, even when they have nothing to do with the thing. Is Kim Kardashian maybe going to be there? What if he wins and he can give a speech? Even if he's not performing, right? Yeah, exactly. Definitely we'll have that opportunity. And then, you know, so will Dolly Parton to enter the Rock and Roll

Hall of Fame? Because regardless of whether she fucking wants it or not, they are still putting her nomination through. The rock and roll all of fame doesn't really care that she pulled down her nomination. That's another weird thing that I read it. I'm just like, that's weird, right?

Isn't that weird? That is weird. They're just like, shush, shush, shush. They're doing the thing. You don't know that you're not a rock and roll artist. We know. They're doing that weird thing that people really complain about when it comes to like patriarchy shit.

It's just being like, yeah, no, we're definitely doing this at you. You have no say in this award we're going to, you know what I mean? I don't know. It's just such a bizarre move. It's another weird thing. I'm just like, oh, oh. We're going to make you a part of this. You're like, I don't want to be a part of this.

But that's just dropping that in just so, you know, to see what condition, my condition was in. Yeah. Well, I think you're going to be very conditioned about, ah, fuck me. about this celebrity. I'm soft to the touch. No, I'm with you. Yeah, no, I'm very soft. Oh my God, so that the emails will stop coming in

about this one, but also it is a really fun celebrity conspiracy. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Leah Michelle can't read. This conspiracy comes in from Matt 2D, Aaron, Mary O'Fier, Marie, Ariel, and Liz. Thank you guys.

I like it because you know what? Leah Michelle, we all know is a yuck. And yeah, let's get more conspiracies about it. You guys all have a meeting to draft the email together. So funny. It's been over time, I will say. And I do, and I appreciate it so much. Thank you so much for seeing this in.

Oh, also, it's definitely propelled me to do it. So I think, yeah, it's big on TikTok right now. So we got a new influx of it. But we also, I have, I, like, just Googled, like, Leah Michelle and, like, can't read. or looked it up in our inbox, and it was just so many emails. It was so funny. But anyways, Marie says, hi, page seven.

Here's a conspiracy for you. Liam Michelle can't read. And then just bizarrely writes, I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is. Yeah. It's hard to provide a summary because it's essentially a collection of instances. But boiled down, the theory is that because she was a child actor, she never had time to go to school.

and now she has her lines read to her by those who hold her secret. This is the TikTok I'm referencing, probably the one that a lot of people saw. It's by at Kelsey likes things. Great TikTok. Check it out. I linked, she linked to it. I have it here. It breaks down this lengthy YouTube video.

So this is a breakdown of a YouTube video that is very long. Also, from Marie, thank you for all you do. You make a dark world a much brighter place, Marie, aka Queen of Skeleton. Hell yes. But then we've got further info on this. This is from Ariel, who says, I'm not sure if y'all have done this one before, but I feel like I would have remembered it for sure.

Here's a hilarious conspiracy theory about Leah Michelle, who we already don't like anyway. Love you guys. You're my favorite podcast, and hopefully I'll get to see you live sometime in the near future. And lastly, Liz, who kind of breaks this down even more. So I saved Liz from Liz. What's up, you beautiful fuckers?

It's late here, stumbled onto a conspiracy. I'd never heard about before. I feel like a grizzled detective slugging bad scotch who's getting too old. So I know. I love these drunk evens. I know.

So I know Jackie and MJ haven't committed to a glee rewatch and let me tell you, I'm foaming at the mouth for it. But maybe this is a... Ooh, maybe we should do it for our Patreon at some point. I'm down. We gotta do the next season of 90-day live. Yeah, I think we're going to do reality

for our next watch. through. We're watching the first season of Gossip Grow right now, having so much fun every Thursday at 5 p.m. Pt. Please join us on Discord. It's at the $10 layer on Patreon.com, 4.6. Page 7 podcast. But I digress. But maybe this is enough chaotic tea about one of the show's main cast members to convince them. They then link, Liz then links to the same TikTok video from before, but also kind of gives me the bullet points of it that I watched the video as well, but still, okay, whatever. Leah Michelle is illiterate. The evidence is follows. I didn't I feel bad because I laughed when he said she can't read,

and I'm thinking of the dust and diamond early say by the bell episode. Right. With the bully when he's like, I can't read. And then Dustin Diamond, a screech doesn't laugh. Yeah. The bully says, why aren't you laughing? And he says, it's not funny. And so it's not funny if she can't.

And then the bully goes, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm not the same episode. So I'm not laughing at your literacy. No. But still it's funny. Okay. In fact, I'm laughing at like the whole,

I'm laughing at the whole. overreaction of she can't agree. Like it's just so funny to me to be this like over the top about this conspiracy. But regardless, the evidence is as follows.

It's pretty convincing. Leah was a child Broadway star and it is feasible that she was never properly taught how to read him right. Sad, but also she's objectively terrible, so not that sad. Castmate Naya Rivera's book mentions their feud,

but Naya wouldn't speak about any details in interviews promoting the book. Fans speculated that this was because Leah couldn't read it and could never find out what she said. I love the idea that if you can't read, you'll never find out what a bunch. And no one will ever tell you about it.

You live in a dark cave. There's no press releases. There is no video evidence of her writing or reading, but lots of clips and press shots of her almost writing and reading. Like she's trying to convince everyone she can. In fact, read. There are examples in the TikTok

like playing word games on the Ellen show with pre-written or pre-selected answers. video of her underlining her own name that was already written before the video starts. Press photos of her holding a pin over her own signature, but the pin isn't even touching the paper, etc. On glee as Rachel Barry, sorry, I pulled this up. She always sung well-known standards by Barbara Streisand and Flea Dion and never had to read the lyrics. That's so funny. As if she had all the words memorized from Barbara Strys sense.

This is weird if true. She never uses her own phone. Her assistants use it for her. to provide G captions are only emojis. That just means she's insulferable. That doesn't mean that she can't read, but I understand where people are coming from. So the theory is that her lines are read out louder

by director slash manager slash someone in the know, and that's another reason why her career never quite picked back up after gleeended. That's what it is. She is an awful human thing, but maybe it can all be blamed on the internalized shame in the end. So, do you believe?

Cheers from Montreal beauties. Liz, aka at Frank Liz Stein. Oh, hi, Franklisstein. All right, dogs. I love this conspiracy theory, not because I think it's funny if someone can't read. Whatever.

As an educator, you love when people can't read. It just means you're more necessary, I'm trying. So thank you for your service. Yeah, you're like, they need me. But I do think it's hilarious to be like there's no public record of this person reading.

Because as an educator, when you think about literacy, It actually is amazing because, like, a lot, when you think about young kids, their behavior changes when they can read because, like, think about how much you need to read in the world and how hard it is or different it is when you're like, I don't know what signs mean.

Like, I don't, you know, like, you know, your whole life changes. I can't even believe there was a time when I couldn't type. Yeah. You know, like typing is so fundamental to my life now, like much less reading everything. Yeah. So it's so the idea that this. famous celebrity has no, there's no record of her being able to read is absolutely hilarious

to me. So I got to say, I believe. I think I have to believe. I like there in this article that I pulled up, I guess Leah Michelle wrote a tweet that said, loved reading this tweet and wanted to write you back, literally laughing out loud at all of this, love you. But if you think about it, though, how do we know she wrote the tweet? I believe. She can't. Her hand. I'm not shaming her for not being able to read, but I am shaming her because she's not a good person. It's also funny. Whatever.

Well, that's what it is. It's like probably a shitty person has to defend themselves against a funny charge. And they're like, actually, I can't read. I can't read. It is funny. Yeah, it's like two wrongs don't usually make a right, but a like mean conspiracy about someone who sucks actually kind of does make a right. So makes it reading right.

I'm writing this response right now. So I'm not read. How could I be responding? Yeah. That's why you have to create, like, she takes baths. I love how much you love an M.J. She puts frogs in her pads or something like that. You have to create, come up with something, they have to defend it.

It would be so hard to be an adult famous person who couldn't read at all. Well, that's why, you know. Yeah. It's inspiring almost. Fishfucker Tom Cruise. I mean, it's the funniest, you know, because it's like, he's a fish fucker. You know, he's the whole Scientology thing. I mean, we don't, you know, there's something about him.

And to be able to just be like, all right, he fucks fish. He fucks fish. It makes a lot more sense. And like, maybe Liam is. maybe she's so mean and racist because she can't read. Yeah. Why you got to be so mean? Yeah, totally.

Even, I mean, if you do think about it, why would they give a shot to a young person to be in a show if they would have to hire someone else to help them learn their lines? I know how fucking fickle this business is. There's no way they would ever spend the time to help anybody. Buzzkill Jackie. I'm the bus kill. So Leo and Michelle could probably read.

I am the Buzzkill? Who can read? I can read every script I don't get the role of. And it's great for me. Well, can you read a list? Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Specifically for you guys, 15 on screen and behind the scenes,

Tales of Movie Farts. Oh, it's not 15 actors who can't read. No, surprisingly. No, it's about movie. Farts, a Titanic Fart L'Inaud DiCaprio would allegedly fart in his coat and sweep it across his co-worker's face like the world's weirdest mating display with, uh, Rose. This is weird. When people act like farts are like a material thing, like, oh, I farted on that chair. Now you can't sit in the chair.

I don't like that. Oh, I thought you love all fart. I do like fart humor, but I don't like it when people, I don't like Leah. And I love Leonardo DiCaprio, but I don't like this, interestingly enough. Interesting. Something I do like about Brad Pitt that on the set of interview with a vampire, Brad Pitt would soothe his child vampire co-star Kirsten Dunst by telling fart jokes. Despite the movie's disturbing tone, it was a chiller place for everyone because of Pitt's gross sense of humor.

That makes me love Brad Pitt even more. Yeah, that's fun. I like that. He seems like a cool dude who's got a dick the size of the fucking leading tower piece. He must, right? He's got to have a big old hog. Spider-Man's Tom Holland farted in front of now partner, and we all know it's 100% true, Zendaya.

Someone didn't go to the hospital. No, Tom Holland's fart happened as he landed in front of Zendaya. The only one who could smell it was him because the suit was so tight. It trapped in. There you go. What do you think about that, MJ? What do you think about being in your own farts? I mean, fart.

Where do you land on this controversy? I'm going to need some sort of fart expert to weigh in on this. If you can explain why a fart wouldn't smell through a Spider-Man suit and the physics of that, I would love to learn more. Have you thought about this before? Have you ever, okay, have you ever had a, I called them pussy farts, but I guess is it all queffing? When you have too tight events and it like comes up out from like above your pussy? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's not queffing.

That's farting. That's just a fart. That just comes out that way. It just comes out that way. But we're talking about, I've never worn clothes where the clothes were so. That's called a downstairs raspberry. Oh, yeah. That no one else can smell the fart.

But I guess I've never worn a movie-grade Spider-Man suit. Movie-grade Spider-Man suit. And maybe that would be different, but I don't know how different the scene would be in the usual suspect. Because Benicio Del Toro improved a scene by farting. The original lineup scene, you know the lineup's style of the usual suspects was a serious affair. But after Del Toro started farting between takes, the actors started breaking and joking around, making the group look like friends. And it does, like, you know exactly the scene that I'm talking about. And it makes sense that it actually came about because of Benicio del Toro farting it up.

That's good. This is a good list. Right? Well, how about, I mean, I would love to see it in person, but unfortunately it only happened to the movie The Da Vinci Code. Paul Bettney beat a fart out of Tom Hay. While assaulting Hanks's Robert Langdon as a sadomasochistic monk, Bettney accidentally beat a fart out of the Oscar winner. I just think it's such a funny.

It's a weird way to say it. Beat the fart right out of it. No, you didn't. He farted while you were in the middle of the seed, but I just think it's very funny. If you're beating someone up on the fart, you beat the fart out of them. But this is, this is amazing.

Andre the Giant, oh, beloved. Please listen to the Princess Bride episode of Pop History if you have a chance. Andre the Giant farted for a literal show-stopping 16 seconds. Crew and cast members alike stopped for the moment. Wow.

That's long. Giant, man. It's not long. That's a big old. Absolutely. I guess does it matter how long the guts are? Yeah, it's got to be. Big beer drinker, too.

Big beer drinker too, man. I think that's that beer blasters. they just bring out the farts. Got a big fart canal to store all that. Yes. Fart. Jackie, do you love this list? Yeah, what's going on?

You better throw up in your mouth. Is that what just happened? I just had a burp. I just had a deep burp and I was trying not to make the burp so into the microphone. This whole thing. I have to eat after this. We're talking parts, burps. I mean, you're also talking about, you know, drinking less beer.

I thought this would be like support you. I was doing this out of support. I am just disgusted right now. For you two and your humor choices. All these. All these list pictures have a big, weird, green gas. Fart. The list has a lot of drawn-in cartoon farts behind this images.

Fart stink smells. I just want to like, I just want to, you know, never read again. The biggest comedy divergence, I mean, among many of me and Jackie, though, is that I think farts are absolutely hilarious every single time. And she hates them. And they hate them. Yeah. Which is why I'm surprised about this heel turn Jackie's match for this episode.

I'm trying to, because you know what? The information can't only be fun for me. I can throw you guys a few fart bones every once in a while. Good God. We've got MJ is ecstatically just jubilant over the someone's inability to read. And we've got Jackie over here just like. Farting about the town. Beef blast.

Yeah, fart about the town. I'm just like, I'm trying to sit here and be like the normal guy that everyone loves. We're all making character changes over here. Yeah. And you know what, speaking of character changes, last but not least, this is interesting. Jeremy Strong of Succession, which, you know, we all know that he is, he's definitely a, he's a, oh God, my brain, what is it, when you're in the character, he's always in the character. A Thesbian, method actor. He's a method actor.

So, so much so that Jeremy Strong for the trial of the Chicago 7 used a fart machine to get into character. Succession actor Strong used the machine to break tension and get into character during scenes. I don't know how that directly makes him a method actor. This makes no sense for the trial of Chicago 7. Was there like a lot of constant farting going on? Yeah, it was all fart. History. It was like, sure, sure, racism.

But like, the farting was impeccable. Thank you. Jeremy Strong. Oh, right. And so he's just like me. Now we both have fart machines. Thank God I think I can't see anymore. That's right, everybody.

I think I'm going. Line. We can't see them. We can't see them, but we can smell them. God, help us. I get it. Don't, you know, maybe, yeah, at this point, you might just want to cut it off at this point.

I think there's some one of those, you know. Is it everything you ever wanted, MJ? Weekly news podcast. All right, here we go. The blind items, please. This married foreign-born A-list singer is hooking up with this foreign-born A-list singer. I added this.

One's a dude, the other's a lady, who was previously in a relationship with a different dude, and rumor had it, she was a beard. The dude is British, and he gets played a lot at weddings. And the lady played a princess recently, and she's Cuban-born. You fucks. I added that.

You're a fuck. So he's... He gets played a lot at weddings. Yeah, he's always like on weddings. Everyone's like, oh, oh, like more modern weddings. Modernness. He collared... I don't want to.

That's too much of a clue. Justin Bieber. Sam Smith? No, he's Canadian. Who's like the only British guy that's super popular in like popular music and romantic wedding music? More modern wedding music. know who's British. All right, fine. He does a collab. He collabs a decent amount

with my fave. With T-sway? They just had it, yeah. They collabed recently. On the Crawdad song? No, not the fucking Crawdack song. She's talking about the most generic name for a thing. Oh, um, red, the redman. The red hair. Yes. You're getting there. Oh, his wife's name is Terry.

I'm in the love with the shape of you. Ed Sharon. Yes, there you go. Good God. Help. Lord. All right, never mind. play the farmy. You have to give me, you have like give us, I don't know anything about Ed Sheeran. He's pretty.

She gets played a lot of ways. He's married, Olden. I would not choose Ed Shearin's clue to be he gets played at a lot of weddings. I was thinking like Neil Diamond. I was thinking more like

George Michael. I was thinking with like George Michael still is one of these people. And I feel like in your arms. He has that song that everyone fucking plays at their weddings now.

I will not be playing that of my wedding and I want you to know this now. God, if I had to hear one more thing, about market lights. Anyway, getting wedding planning flashbacks.

All right. Yeah, you want to talk if you want to come over? You can help me with the wedding. And the lady, please. Thank you, MJ. Thank you for getting us back on track. I just,

I know, I want to hear more about how you go to people's weddings and you just judge them. Invite Holden to your wedding. He's just going to sit there and hate your playlist. Or you can let me DJ and it's only $3,000 for the day. It's just going to be all for a piece. All right.

The lady, she recently played a princess. and is Cuban born. I saw her live, which I really enjoyed the show. She was an opener for an opener for the headliner who collaborates with Ed Shearin.

Can I get... Not Camila Cabo. Yes! Really? They recently put a song out called Bam Bam, and previously did a song together with Cardi B called South of the Border, which I didn't even know about...

Is that why she and Sean Mendez broke up? Well, that was the beard thing. Everyone said that that was just a beer situation. Yeah, yeah. But it looks like she might be hooking up with Ed Shear and isn't that kind of fun? She's married. That's fine.

Yeah, whatever though. No one cheats, no one in the shape of you cheats on their wife. Jackie, I love love. He says I'm love in the shape of you. Why would he cheat on his wife? Well, maybe she's a hexagon or something. I love an angular woman.

I love with the shape of you. Only thing I love more is hexagons. I hope I never be the hexagon. I wish you were that shape But I love you too You little oval bitch If I ever meet a hexagon It's over between me and you

No This is one of those blinds It's more kind of for the story follow-up That it is I guess the late night actor Didn't know until the last day or two There would be a drug test Before he would be allowed to go

On the expedition Pete Davidson Yes the company pushed back The launch date by six days Which is apparently Why Pete Davidson is no longer going but of course this blind is saying otherwise. I also will say someone wrote in,

and I want to thank you so much, that there was this, and I want to say whatever to that person, whatever. I don't want to say that it was conspiracy, but I'm not quite sure that they did say that everyone else on this mission that is going, that are going, that's going up, is a paying person.

And Pete Davidson was not paying for his ticket. So it also could have been that he was replaced with someone that was going to pay instead of someone that was going to just get it on the celebrity claw. Well, no, but I feel like they did the same thing with, what's his name, Star Trek guy. Oh, he's so fun. The Star Trek man, everyone loved. Will Shatner.

And I bet he also didn't go, he didn't have to pay because it was a get, it's like they just want to get a celeb up there because it does wonders for them. Obviously, that was a huge deal when they had footage of Will Shatner in space. Maybe less so with Pete, but you never know. Maybe if Kim Kardashian, like, they like, ban. hanged on the shuttle or something. That'd be fun. He's got enough in his life right now.

Save space for later, Pete. Yeah. Last but certainly not least, this is a kind of interesting one, kind of a curious oddity, if you will. This A-list singer-slice-sum-time actress has low-key stocked the one-named permanent A-list singer forever.

So it isn't a shocker she keeps getting procedures done to look like her. Is it for the movie? Is she going to start adopting children Angelina Jolie. No. Madonna. Yes, Madonna is the one this celebrity is trying to be like.

Angelina Jolie isn't mainly a singer and then also an actress. Gaga. Yes, MJ. I know this because my Jen ex-husband cannot hear the words Lady Gaga without being like she's just trying to be Madonna. So finally. Interesting, you say that though. That's wild.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Madonna notoriously remember when we did our shade section of the live page 7 show doesn't like Lady Gaga and or at least thinks that like she's copying her shit But that all goes because

That checks. Gaga who's copying her Which is. I don't think that she is. I honestly don't really think that she is. Like there needs to be more space for people to be able to be performance art. That's true. Well the one song

But you know with that song for sure And there's like certain parts of it for sure. I think it's like She's like clearly in four. I think if Gaga were to deny that she were like absolutely created in the image of Madonna. She's openly said that she's inspired by Madonna.

Yeah, right. So that makes sense. But maybe it's going a little too far for Madonna's comfort. Interesting. You know I'm not necessarily a fan of Madonna. I mean, the music, yes. The person.

Yes. I don't know. I don't know. But what I do know is that I can see again. Congratulations. You've passed my blind item gauntlet. You may live another week. Oh.

Just, I don't know. By the way, that's a new additional lore. If they don't get the blind items right, they end up dying of some kind of mind disease. But what about how long it took us to get the first one? So does that mean that we... You're going to have an itchy pussy for one day. No, which day?

Can I pick the day? You can't pick the day. No, please. Every time you laugh at someone's inability to read, it'll happen. Oh, no. What if she's bad? Luckily, it will never happen again

because it's only Leah Michelle who I would ever laugh at. Sometimes I'd laugh at Donald Trump's clear inability to read. Yeah, that is different. All right. Yeah, we did it, dude. We did it. Yeah, we did.

Thank you guys. I'm sorry for all the fart content. I thought I was... Don't apologize, Jackie. Thank you. Yeah, don't apologize. Live your truth, Jackie. Girl, stop apologizing.

Thank you. And that's what I'm going with for your look in 23. We're going fart cheek. Ew, no. It's all going to be fart-inspired. No, please. Looks. L-E-W-W-W-E-W.

U.K. As bitch. Well, I'm fine with that, but I don't know if I want the rest of it. No. Fart looks. Fart looks and fart sounds.

2023. Yeah. Because you're going to be married girl and you need to get into that fart life. Oh no. And then is my pussy going to be itchy every day? Oh my God. Maybe.

Oh, God. Now! Depends on how good or better you are at the blinds next week. I need an point. On that note, that means we got to get the hell out of I didn't do that out of here.

I can't live in this fart world anymore. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this fart tour of sorts. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. Also check out page 7 LPN on TikTok. Man, I'm making some young content over there. It's young. And also come hang out over on Twitch.

That was a bad weird time to pause. I'm making some young. And then I was like, ew, what? Just so many awful things could have been said right after that. Oh man, just my content, man. I'm getting fucking younger on Benjamin botanning, man.

For the TV, Twitch.com, TV, forward slash, oh, no, Jackie. Come hang out on Tuesdays. We talk about sex. Baby. We talk about sex. And on Sundays, we talk about gloss,

and we also play daddy fuck dating sims. So you should come join us. Love it. Twitch. Twitch.combe, 4th,000, bro. Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams. I stream with Jackie on Fridays.

And again, man, thank you so much for everybody who sent those, that same conspiracy theory. I actually really appreciate that. Thank you all 23 of you. Yeah. Page the number seven podcast at gmail.com. Your conspiracies theories, your blind items are greatly appreciated. Please keep them coming and patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. Yo, MJ, take it away.

My name is MJ and I'm MJKLKat on Instagram. And it's time to sing the shout-out song. Shout, shout, let it all out These are the emails that you wrote it about Come on We're gonna read them to you Come on It's the shoutouts

I thank you guys so much for sending in your amazing shoutouts I love everything that you are sending And it always puts a smile on my face Especially when it's pictures of Grace and her geese, long live the Porch Goose, the pictures of the Portuguese of the days of your just, man, I was like,

look, Gloria, and did I show the pictures to Gloria? Yes, I did. So, thank you for continuing my bridge to insanity. Wish it was to Terribithia, but it's not. You can set in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at

gmail.com. But first up, we are setting our shoutouts to Aaron. Aaron writes in, my ethereal friend Bree has a birthday coming up on April 2nd, and I know she would just die if she heard you guys shout her out on page 7. Here's your shout on happy birthday, baby! She is the absolute light of my life, and even though we live on different coast now, I feel like we are closer than ever. You guys inspired us to send each other Portuguese, and now we have a good laugh every morning when we leave our homes. She had a really rough couple of years, but despite it all, she perseveres and finds a way to keep so much.

supporting everyone around her. She is truly the sweetest soul I know, and I'm so proud to call her my co-sister. If it's not asking too much if Jackie could sing a little sticks for my girl, Brie, I know she would melt. I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise,

it was just the ethereal Brie coming to kiss my eyes, singing, come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me. I'm sail away, come sail away, come sail away with free. I did that on the fly, and you know what sometimes I impress myself. Happy birthday, baby, and I got more birthdays to celebrate.

Will writes in, I wanted to give a shout out to my amazing partner, Annie, who is turning 29 on the 29th. Uh-oh. It's her golden birthday, and I hope you don't get it. any golden showers unless you consent. Will says, we live in Tallahassee, Florida, with our two cats, ghost and ghoul. Oh, kiss Tala, wacky for me. And listen to the pod every week. She is the kindest, sweetest, funniest person I know, and hearing her favorite podcast host,

wish her a happy birthday, is sure to make her day. Love the show and keep doing what you're doing. Oh, thank you so much, Will. And happy birthday, Annie. Annie, it is your birthday and have the best golden birthday. birthday. And oh, Kathleen, you gave me chills. No one ever thanks me for singing fastball. Kathleen wanted to give a shout out for when on episode 322, I started singing it with fastballs. Was I out of my head? Was it out of my mind? Man, this is a singing shout out

today. And they said, you started the episode with the throwback and it gave me the it should start listening to it on repeat. For months it was on my playlist. I just couldn't get enough of it. I hear you, Kathleen. Fast forward a little later, I was on a second date with this guy and handed him my phone to play some music in the car. He burst out laughing when he saw it was my first search on YouTube. He hadn't heard it in years. It was in that car with fastball playing in the background, laughing and singing along, that we started to feel that first spark of love. Oh my God, it makes me so happy. In May of this year, it will play as we dance for the first time as husband and wife. I'm in burst in tears.

It sounds like a simple story because it is, but whenever I think about how absolutely blessed I am to have this man in my life and how grateful I am that we fell so hard, so fast, so out of your head, I always have out of my head playing in the background of my mind. And although it may sound silly, I just wanted to thank you for that one moment in that one episode almost three years ago. It's not. Thank you so much, Kathleen. It means the world to me.

I've got, you just plastered a smile on my face. Thank you so much for writing in. And speaking of crying slime gang, Kaylee, you made me cry with your beautiful, beautiful words. I cannot thank you so much. Slime gang on Twitch. You guys, you got to come hang out with our Twitch community. It's unbelievable. I'm just meeting the most unbelievable people.

And I, and Kaylee, thank you so much for being so open with me and sharing all of this personal thoughts and I just, I can't thank you enough for saying such kind words. I can't read them out loud. It makes me blush. Thank you so much. All of my love goes out to you, Slime Gang, as well as all of my love going out to Elizabeth, aka Lizzie Loob, also in our Twitch community. I wanted to say thank you so much for writing such a beautiful email for all three of us and for sharing your insane story. I'm so glad you hang out in our Twitche communities and in our Gossip Girl community, I encourage you to talk whenever you want. It is the greatest community to have ever existed. I am making such amazing friends in there and I can't thank you guys enough and you should totally come and join us. Holdens

is at Holdenators Ho and mine is at, oh no, it's Jackie and there are just, it's such an amazing community of people that you can rely on and get support from and give support to. and I am just over the moon. Oh, you guys, all of you guys, thank you so much for listening and thank you so much for the shoutouts. And again, you can send your shoutouts into page seven podcast at gmail.com.

That is page seven, seven the number podcast at gmail.com. It just, I, my, my face hurts from smiling afterwards. I love you guys. Have a great fucking week.