Page 7 - Ep. 444: How To Declutter Your Pet Count

Episode Date: April 7, 2022

This week were gossin' 'bout The Grammy's, funeral plans, the unofficial Bridgerton Musical, Holden & Lexe's totally normal date night, Justin Bieber's giant suit, Bruce Willis leaving acting due to his Aphasia, Martha Stewart's Instagram and the fate of her cat, Madonna's bizarre TikTok video and Jackie's beautiful TikTok tribute to Holden (Check it out on the Page 7 TikTok!), April 19th April Reals Day WITH MJ(!?!?!) over at HoldenatorsHo on Twitch, AND the Twilight REwatch-along this April 13th on OhnoitsJackie on Twitch! Finally, in celeb conspiracy corner; Tom Brady is a robot who fucks mattresses?! A fact filled list. the blinds and SHOUTZ! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

songs from the Grammys that I want to sing. Of course, the first one of it is I Burned for you from the unofficial Bridgetton soundtrack, but I can't hit those notes. So instead I'm going to say, boy, you're at your name. I can do the same. Oh, I love the days. La-la-l-l-l-l-l-oh-you-rat your name. I can do the same.

Oh, I love the days. Fuck yeah, doja cat. Congrats. Come my job is. Don't do it, hold. You've already sang this. This is talked about Because you were so excited for me

Finally drive up to your house Today I drove through the suburbs Crying because you weren't around Yeah whatever Jackie It's emotions, okay I know we weren't perfect But I can't this way Now she's now I've lost her

That's not even remotely my favorite song On the album though It's a great song Oh no it's a great song The whole album is just so good. It's such a banger. Wait, what's your favorite one? I think you betrayed me one.

Yeah, that one, good for you. One step forward and, or, yeah, one step forward, two steps. I love deja vu. Deja vu. There's not a bad song. I said it. Best Pop album of 2021. It was kind of like the soundtrack to my crazy year.

It was my everything last year. I loved it. It was such a becoming an adult year for me in such a huge way at almost the age of 40 of like moving, getting a car, having a baby, and yet I was like addicted to this album about this like, I'm an 18 year old. She was so sweet when she won two. She's just like so composed for an 18 year old.

What's wrong with you? And she dropped the Grammy like Taylor Swift did. But also welcome to page seven guys. Yes, welcome to page seven. The Grammys happened. Yes, the Grammys happened. And it was born and normal. Eminently normal.

But shoutouts because we didn't even, that's how fucking crazy and terrible the Oscars were that we didn't even talk about this. One of my favorite parts of the Gramies, though, and all of its boring traditional glory, was of a solid remembrance or immemorium sequence, right? Beautiful song being sung and no way was it up. Peppy musical number where Jamie Lee Curtis brings a dog out on stage. I mean, that was so bad shit of the fact that people barely talked about it because of how crazy. crazy everything else was. It's such a testament to what the fuck happened to the Oscars. But it was really nice to see a very,

and by the way, also, I feel bad about this that we didn't highlight this. I think partly because of the slap. But rest in peace, Taylor Hawkins, I'm devastated for. I feel my heart goes out to Dave Grohl. Like, I just, that's so, honestly, it brought me back to. Holden, are you going to be sad when I die? Yeah, whatever, Jackie. I'm trusting a song or something.

Now, MJ, how sad are you going to be? On a scale of one to ten? Yeah. You get in a ten, baby. Well, I'll tell you what, and I'll sing the same song they sang in the immemorial. One of the many songs they sang in the immemorial. Send in the clown. Don't sing send in the clowns at Jackie's funeral.

Sing in the clown. I'm just going to stand next to him since I don't feel confident of my singing ability. I'll write it in my will. And I'm going to get up. bunch of guys to dress up like insane clowns, the clowns from outer space, killer clowns from outer space,

they'll all be dressed as those clowns. And they'll come in and they'll dry hump your casket while I sing. Although I would like to see insane clowns from outer space and do like a hybrid of ICPN and killer clowns from outer space. And then now it'll be a match-up. Pocus joke is.

Great Melenko, bro. Dude, I would fucking love that. Absolutely. Absolutely beautiful. And death is an opportunity to really make the like full-on conceptualized bits happen that you did not have time for. This is what I'm saying. I just realized, I know that we

will be talking about the Grammys in just a second, but I just realized we're hitting the age. That I got to make some joke parts of my will. Yes, we got to make our living wills. I needed to do that yesterday. What jokes are we going to put in? I made a will, and I don't have any jokes in it. All I know is that I gave my puppets to my friend who likes puppets.

That's all, that's kind of a joke. I joked with Henry that I'm going to make him sing like a very vibrant, over the top an a cappella rendition of crocodile rock for no reason completely unprompted literally no reason

I got tied to that was fun no no it'll be rousing he'll be like and Holden really wanted me to do this right now I remember oh you know what's

oh you wanted a rousing but no background music just so awkward that is one of my ones but you're right it's like a funeral really should be

just an excuse to get you the people you love to make fools of themselves as your last request. That's all it is. This is a problem with being a sad boy. I'm all just like, ooh, I wonder if I'll play Pockabell's candidate at my funeral instead of being like, what bits do I want?

Yeah, what dumb shit can I make? Jackie and Holden, what songs will I make Jackie and Holden sing? And since the rest of my friends don't really know you guys very well, they're going to be like, who even are these people? We have to do it. You know anything that you write in your will. I will do. So this is the thing.

So I want a closed casket funeral and at one point during the funeral, it will be Ed in a gorilla costume will pop out of the casket and run screaming out of the establishment. But set it up so that like everyone else, like all the pallbearers are carrying it and then they accidentally drop it. And then that's when it comes out. Yeah. That's a thing. You need a lot of coffin japes. And that's what I'm going to have a whole subsection called coffin japes where we'll have many coffins.

You're not going to know which one I'm in. And even if I am in it, it's just going to be my fingers. And we're like, you just got fingered. And that would be fun. I mean, what is a less appropriate song to sing at a funeral than crocodile rock? I mean, it is just there's nothing about it that has any meaning or any, you know, simplets of connection to my life at all. You know what I mean?

That's really a big part of it. She's absolutely and completely absurd. Yeah. So, well, it has to be. I could sing anything off of the unofficial Bridgetton musical if you want. Jackie, you put me down a worm time hole. I can't believe the story behind this thing.

Yeah, you're going to need to. I read about it, but break it down for the non-Bridgetoners, whatever you call yourselves. They won a Grammy, let's preface with that. Want a Grammy for best, what? Musical fucker. Yeah, musical fuckface. And it's just like the first TikTok Grammy,

TikTok-induced Grammy, like that they were just like, this is funny, and now they have a Grammy. And what's so crazy is about it's like, this goes to show when, I mean, part of the reason of like, starting to do more TikTok stuff where it's like, TikTok is really exploding and it really is such a cool creative space for a lot of people. Now, I had followed this as it was going on, but I didn't think. I was like, this, it was one of those things that I just watched in my own time of like, this is crazy.

Look at that making a musical. I was like, nobody cares, Jackie. Nobody cares about the artificial Bridgerton musical. So I watched it alone. And I've just been like, from the sidelines, just been like, oh, good for them. Look at them making a whole musical out of the show. And it was really good.

And they both had solo careers before they started working on this. And that were just kind of, you know, they had some hits. But then together, they just made this really cool community-built musical. because what's so great about TikTok is that you can connect with the creators as they're actually creating it. And I just, I don't know, it really fills my, my, like, you know, nerd art girl inside of my heart, like the theater lover in me of just like, man, you just have to have a dream. Just dream it and you can be it, you know? And again, I try to hide that part of myself sometimes because it is a big chunk of my loser, dumb. And I say that with love, though.

Like, I know I'm a loser for musicals, and I'm okay with that. And I, as I was listening to it, I'd like listen to bits of it. But I had never really set, like, The I Burn for You song has been one that has just been in the background of my life since I heard it because it is such an earworm. And also, they're all very short. They're short songs. They're catchy songs. They made something that is exactly what people that even aren't that into musical. could be into.

And I had no, I didn't realize that they were up for Grammy for it. And they won. And I really like this whole connection to like showing the process because this was what Barlow of Barlow and Bear had to say. Musical theater can be elitist

and closed door to curtain drawn. We decided to throw open those curtains and say, hey, this is what it is. It's not this big scary thing. You can do it too. And I just feel like I've always wanted to write a musical. Yeah.

But it does seem like such an impossible undertaking if you didn't, you know, if you weren't just that, you know, that kid that I hated back in high school college that was always, you know, constantly singing the, you know, songs from rent and everything. How dare you. Ouch, you're hurting you right now. You just seem to already know how to like write a book for a musical and you're like, how did you get this, you know, where did this, you know what I mean?

And you just think it was like almost like endowed to them or something magically. But no, you can sit down and you can totally do it too. And I mean, shit, 20 and 20. 22. Yeah, man. That's their ages. That's crazy. It does.

It feels, it feels, Rammy. It fills the, like, inspiration bucket because it's, like, most of the things I see online or on TikTok, it's like, there's always, like,

there's part of me that's like, oh, yeah, that looks fun. I could do that too. But, like, a lot of times there's just so much stuff, it just kind of, like, washes over you, and you're like, oh, that's good. Oh, that's not good.

But to be like, oh, like, something that evokes really strong emotions, like, really strong emotions, strong positive emotions in musical theater lovers. To be like, this is something that you could actually make, probably if you're a musical theater lover, you always, like you guys said,

spent your childhood, like, imagining like, what if I was the star of a musical? What if I was the creator of a musical? What if my life was a musical? And to like, just be like, this is just something that two really young, talented people just made happen is so, so fun.

And the fact that they do, like, all of the voices for it, too. Like they do so much in it And that it's not, I mean, I'm sure that there are people Picking it apart for that But I think that it's so cool to listen to people Like, yeah, man, fucking, uh, shoot for the moon, you land's among the stars. What is crazy!

Yeah, they landed on the moon. That's what made me cry. Like, I burst in the tears. Yeah, I was what I found out. I was really touched by the, I kind of, watching the acceptance speeches, I was really touched by the whole story. That's really amazing. I mean, I just couldn't believe having that much going at that age, too.

It's so cool. I wonder about the legalities of all of that. I don't understand, because they were taking exact lines from the source material. Did they work something out with them? I mean, they formally released it, obviously, enough for it to win a Grammy. Is it like a girl talk thing where it's like you're not actually, you're not taking, you're not taking the actual. Like, it's like a coding, but you're not sampling or whatever. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. I was very curious about that. that everything's too short to be copyright or whatever. I mean, it has to become a actual official musical, though, at this point, right? I mean, you know. But if you think about it, even lines like that, you know, they're not taking the actual music from it. And I think that usually when it comes to, like, with girl talking stuff, it comes to, like,

how long the clip is or how much money you got. So there's also the kind of thing that maybe it was the kind of thing because I'm not quite sure of the behind the music when it comes to that stuff, of like maybe the creator also, it's like, Shonda Rhymes is cool as shit of everything that I've read about her. So, like, maybe it was just like, why don't, why go against it when we could support it? Right. It's not like you, I mean, right, I don't know. Well, we were talking last week about, like, how you don't have to press charges for,

where we all learned last week, like, somebody doesn't have to press charges in order for, it's not like, there's oftentimes a connection of like, well, a crime could only be charged if the person pressed charges, which is not true. But I wonder how that works with intellectual property. Like if the person who owns the intellectual property can be like, no, it's fine, you know? Yeah, I think they can. I think, you know, as long as there's not a cease and desist or anything like that.

And as long as, like, the people who made the musical didn't somehow, like, slap the person who wrote the original material, like at some kind of event or something. There was no physical assault involved. In fact, I even felt bad that there was no, I said it was borough snorro. Technically, it was just, like, really great performances and very professional. Professional production. I did fall asleep during the Grammys, but it's not the fault of the Grammys.

Aren't we happy that we fell asleep during the Grammys that I was looking at my watch at points being like, maybe I could do something else. It's nice to return to form for award ceremonies. And I always like the Grammys because, you know, it's what we, I think we've talked about this in past years. It's tough for the Emmys and the Oscars with the bits because short comedy bits are never going to feel the same

in a big room as they will in like a theater when you're like there for comedy. But live music will like almost always feel good. You know, so it's like the Grammys is just always more fun to watch because it's always fun to watch live music. And it's often not fun to watch comedy. We say this as comedians. Like people watch a lot of comedy.

It's rarely fun, let's be honest. Like it has to be very good in the right space at the right time and it's tough to do little bits like that. Grammys almost have that sweet spot in between like say a Golden Globes and a Oscars. Like it doesn't, like, it's a little looser

than the Oscars, but it's not too free-flying to be, like, kind of a joke. You know what I mean? It's taken seriously, but everyone kind of is all over the place fashion-wise

and, like, just a little more laid back. Right. And there's just so many different backgrounds and cultures and personalities being thrown into the pot, you know, it's not as chaotic as the VMAs,

which I also like. Yeah, yeah. But it is not a little more, yeah, it's a little more like, out as stodgy as the Oscars. Respectable, but it's not as a lot of, It's not, yeah, it's stulgy.

It's no stodgy, as Paul Hollywood would say. And, like, in-memorium at the Oscars, my thing is that I always just want them to show longer clips. Like, what you can't do live comedy at the Oscars. Right. What you can do is show clips of movies, which is almost always very satisfying to watch. But this is that part where they were like, we're glad you're dead. We're so glad you're dead.

We're so glad you're dead. Yeah, I was just like, wow, that was really inappropriate how happy they were about the people that have died. Like, they should, I honestly think that the, they might as well have some fucking crocodile rock. Yeah, yeah. They should have one, I would take a longer in memoriam if they put one to two minutes of like the best clip of every actor,

you know, like a great clip from every actor who died. And that's why they put it online now. So I think that they do, do longer, that they do do. Longer ones that they put up online and include more people. So it really is just like, we just take the best of the best and put them and then we'll put them on the TV programs, which I think is very disrespectful as well. But, you know, I guess they're trying to make it catchy and zany.

So, and they're trying to get people to actually. She brought out a dog, MJ. I think it was Jontro who adopted the dog. I'm pretty sure Jamie Lee Curtis slapped that dog. I saw it right at the end. It's unbelievable. Jamie Lee Curtis is having an otherwise great run, too. So that was a little bit of a.

dip in a... MJ, I talked about it ad nauseum on talking TV, but everything everywhere all at once is one of the best movies. Jamie Lee Curtis is amazing. Really? In it.

You and Gideon, if you were able to go on a date night, I think that Gideon also will really, really like it. And for anyone that doesn't listen to talking TV, and you go over and listen to me, talk a lot about everything everywhere all at once because Jamie Lee Curtis is...

I mean, so is Michelle Neal. I mean, obviously. obviously. Okay. It's also a good way to cap off a hate night, which is what I call when I go out with Lexi,

we just talk about all the things we dislike about each other. Oh, that sounds like a therapy thing, but as long as your therapist signs off on it, then I think it's fine. I hate the way you chew when you eat lettuce. Oh, yeah, that's funny. That's funny scary.

I was going to try and make a bit out of this, but you know what? I think I'm going to leave it right there. I hate the way your knees clicking black. when you walk upon the floors of the park. Did you like that I likened Justin Bieber to the banging on a trash can music video from the TV show Doug?

Because that's what he looked like. At first I was like, I remember the song Bang It on a Trash Can, but what did he look like? And then within milliseconds of bringing up the image, it's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now. that dug the television show from our childhoods did rip off talking heads and did like essentially like a David Byrne type

big suit thing in the end of the music video banging on a trash can. I don't know why that lives in my brain rent free but I immediately thought about that and he's on so many best dress lists and that's when you know you've gotten old and you know nothing about fashion. Because it's like but it's so big.

And then I felt like my mom last week with Krista Stewart in the shorts. And I don't know anything anymore. Yeah, you know, Elliot Page's suits, not at the Oscars, but at the Metgala, Elliot Page's suit was very big too. So maybe that's just a style now. Yeah, there's a new thing, right?

There's, yeah, there's... Not as big as Justin Bieber's, but... That was really... Like, I know the bigger clothes thing is in, but like, that's big. That's big. There's like a talking heads, throwback big suit thing going on right now.

because there was somebody else who also wore a big giant suit. Yeah, there's like a spectrum of giant suit. Like, Elliot Page's suit was not so big that you're like, that's on purpose. But it was big enough where you're like, you can clearly get tailored suits. Like, shall we tailor this a little bit less? Yeah, it was weird. And it was weird in his acceptance speech, too, and he was like, and you may find yourself. A big shoot.

And I was like, oh, there it is. We get what you're doing here, Justin. I get it. You know what I mean? I will say there is this. I immediately looked at it. Trend Report 2022. Is everyone wearing a big suit these days?

I guess they are. Fashion is truly out of ideas. They are truly. They are big suits. Because usually I look at the way that like, you know, hip men in their 20s dress. And I'm like, like all the other out. Like street wear is fucking sick.

The douchey outfits that Justin Bieber wears, like, what he wore when he performed? I thought he looked great. But like the. suit is not doing it for me, nor is the hat, nor is the whole look. I just felt so old because it really was, was like, because again, you're right, to a point I understand, but that was so big he did look like in Bojack, like he looked like he was a child or multiple children wearing an adult suit. It's the classic, and maybe he is. I will say,

could you imagine how profusely I would be sweating inside of that giant suit on the red car? And I'd be like, no, it's part of the look. Like, I have a tiny hose in here that squirt and water. Like, I would have to make something up or something. I'll bet that it's breezier in there. I'll bet that you're less hot in a big suit. Yeah, and then you can put little fans like inside of the Disney characters. Or small children that help to fill out.

Yeah, and they're fan you inside of the suit. Actually, that sounds like a rest way to have that. Oh, is that bad? Oh, I guess, yeah, no, all right. You know what? We won't do that. Also, it sounds much hotter because then they're just, more body heat, and there it's all the way.

Let's go back to the hate night fit. This is the, the girl uncomfortable in this direction. Unbelievable. Well, I mean, there were a lot of great outfits

at the Grammys as well, but I just like, that one just kept sticking out in my brain of like, I can feel my age. I really thought it was great that Billy Eilish did, um,

like did put up a, what's the word? My God. Not memorial. A song memorial. Tribute? Tribute. Thank you.

and I appreciate it for Taylor Hawkins. My brain just stocked working. Yeah, she lived in Taylor Hawkins shirt. That was cool. And that was a great performance. That might have been my favorite performance tonight. I really dug it and I really like and, you know, Olivia Rodriguez, obviously I thought that that was really great.

But now I need to watch apparently drive home to you. Olivia Rodriguez's video. graph on Disney. You are having some kind of a medical issue, I think. Little Nazex is hot, okay? Fine. All right, I said it. There we go.

There we have it. The slap last week, it took our brain so far out of what was actually going on that we didn't even talk last week about Bruce Willis with aphasia. And this is very sad. And I really appreciate, because I included in the links this week, that the Razzies, which if you want to know more about the Razzies, please check out our pop history episode on the Razzies, the Golden Raspberry Awards, which we had made jokes about just weeks ago talking about worst performance by Bruce Willis in a 2021 movie, because there were many movies that came out, but turns out that the aphasia possibly has been affecting, it's a disease that's caused by brain damage that impacts a person's cognitive and communication abilities and also their decision-making skills. And now Bruce Willis is stepping back from the acting world. He is officially retiring.

And so the Razies, because they, I think, might be more professional than the Oscars, or at least kinder human beings, have taken back the whole category of the Razzie Award and apologized to Bruce Willis publicly. And not in a, like, oh, they were forced. to do it because they didn't have to do this, and it made me really appreciate the creator of the Razis for doing that. I will say that is literally the first thing I thought of when I saw the announcement was, oh my God, that whole category. And yes, we also made a lot of jokes about that whole category. I mean, I feel bad to a certain degree, but I don't feel bad about how

making fun of how generic all the titles of those films were, which is kind of my main point. But besides that, yeah, it is a bummer, or at least, I like to think he really just wanted to, like, get as much shit in the can as humanly possible knowing that this was coming. And I think that's kind of like an amazing feat, an amazing work ethic to do that. No matter what, even if we hadn't heard of any of them, it didn't matter. The fact that he was like, you know what, I'm just going to do as many as I can, and then I'm going to tap out. And you know what? Fucking, wow.

Yeah, also that one movie, like the Whisp in the Willow Blades or whatever that movie was called. That's what the movie in Michigan and Kelly and Megan Fox met on. Oh, and their love eternal. Yeah. Yeah, the Bruce Willis thing. I saw an interesting thread from like a, you know, like abelism disability activist person that was like, you know, it's interesting because a lot of people are like mourning. It's like people are kind of talking about Bruce Willis like as if he's already died.

And this thread was like interesting because it was like, you know, he's stepping away from acting. And it's great to like say what he means as an actor and like, you know, take this time to kind of like celebrate him. But yeah, that also, like, he's just, he's stepping away from acting. He's still, you know, he's still around. Oh, yeah. He's got good years ahead of him. And it's not like dementia or something, like, where he's, like, going to be, you know, not understanding reality or anything like that.

I mean, he's, I think it's more just like the communication thing makes it really hard for him to deliver, you know, memorize, deliver lines, which honestly has been the word on him, on the street on him for years and years. Because a lot of, there's been a lot of stories talking about how he's had earpals. pieces in. And like, there's a lot of stories about a lot of people that have ear pieces in, especially as they get older, which like, I don't usually talk about that on here because who gives a fuck?

Does it help them? Who possibly, what does it possibly fucking matter? Yeah. And then in hindsight, too, I think the thing, the other point of contingent was he had, he needed a lot of assistance, but also he got really upset with directors or people that would like give him guff for having issues with lines. and now that makes a lot more sense in hindsight because he was battling with this issue.

Right, right. He was like an egomaniac that like, correct it's possible he didn't know about it and like, you know, I get very defensive. I know that I do and especially in a situation like that where you also don't know what's going on. Don't you get even more defensive?

Like, I'm fine. Right. And don't fucking talk to me like that. Right, right. Must be very frustrating. I also, yeah, I feel like it's, there is such a, there is such a,

I was thinking about this with the Lady Gaga tribute for Tony Bennett, too. Like, sometimes pop culture, Hollywood is good at dealing with aging when it's extremely clean and nice aging. Like, okay, this person is old and not weird or gross or disabled in any way. They're just old. Let's have that be nice. But like things that happen when people get older, like, it's so, I feel like there's just such a like massive. collective discomfort around it that it's like, okay, let's just shoot Bruce Willis out of a canon now

and like have, you know, like, so long. Yeah, he's done. Yeah, yeah. We mourn his passing. Right, right. Completely going to go on and live. No, good for him. That's also an America career.

It is. Like, as soon as your career is over, you're over. No, he's not. Go enjoy the rest of your life. Hell yes. Yeah. Encourges people to take care of themselves. Right.

Yeah, enter like a blowjob festival or like go to Maui and learn how to use a wakeboard. You know what I mean? I mean, there's so many things out there to do. Or you can be like Martha Stewart and you could run your own Instagram because I'm pretty sure that Martha Stewart runs her own Instagram. And I just want to say I gave a shout out to Maddie in the shoutouts as well. But Maddie sent in just a heads up for all of us in case we didn't follow Martha Stewart on Instagram. and oh, I do because I am. So, I mean, in the same way, I feel the same way about her as I do Frank Severo and Anthony Hopkins of just, you know, I am obsessed with their social media presences.

And Martha Stewart's is no different. And I really please, if you don't follow her, she obviously does it herself. And you know what, good for her. She looks great. She's 80 years old. The Anthony Hopkins thing, because of you, I now follow Anthony Hopkins. But it's so funny on my Instagram feed because it's. like 95% of my follows are like parenting advice people.

And so it'll just be like my like Insta mom, Insta mom, Insta mom, car seat mom, Insta mom, Anthony Hopkins, Instagram mom, like activities for toddlers. I'm just like, why is Anthony Hopkins there? But I need to follow more celebrities. And Martha Stewart, whilst she is not my top old bitch who does cooking, she is talk about aging and figuring out how to age in a way that people. wants. She is aging exactly the way people want. In contrast, this Madonna video I was going to send it in if you didn't send it in, Jackie. It is absolutely disturbing.

We didn't even talk about the death of Princess Peony Holden. What? I'm here to talk about the death of Princess Peony. Princess Pianney, Martha Stewart's cat. Oh, my God. That's why I brought her up because they showed on her Instagram. him. She had the pictures of the little funeral she had in the backyard. More like Princess P.

Me. Am I right people? No. How dare you, R-I-P? You're going to get us canceled. We made it through the slap conversation with all getting through it. And now you're going to get the show canceled by saying to piss on Martha Stewart's cat who was eaten by her dog, Holden. It's not funny. And she left behind her twin sister, Empress Tang.

And how dare you be smirch Princess Pianney's name? What was the name of the other one? Empress Tang. More like Impress Poon Tang. Am I right, people? You are a nightmare. Listen, you could insult a living cat all you want, but you don't insult the dead cat. Not the dead one.

I'm sorry. I take you back. Who's been eaten by a dog. Her own dog, which by the way, we got to get some boundaries in that house, if that's kind of going on. Don't you think Martha Stewart's thinking that she wishes she has to some boundaries between her dog and her murderous dog and her cat. I know I would be pretty upset if my dog ate my cat. How do you even come back from that?

She's probably just like, I'm going to like get high and go do a chopped episode and I'll be fine because I'm not sure how emotional a human being she is because she doesn't seem to have a lot of emotions, but she probably does. She's tight with her emotions. But Stewart has four dogs, Chow Chow Chow's Emperor Hahn, Empress, Keene and French bulldogs Betet Noir and Crembroulet. Is it a French bulldog who ate the cat?

I don't know. There hasn't been... That's a small dog. No, no, no, it was the corgi. It was the corgi. No, I would assume it was one of the chow chows. I would assume it was one of the chow chow chas. Well, fun intended.

They ate the cat. Chow, chow, chow, chow. Hey. No. I'll be here. I'll be the cat spells Friday and Saturday night. So come on down to duct-down fan. Tannas.

No, I'm pretty sure the cat skills are over on Martha Stewart's ranch. I might have some skills to pay the bills. I'll be over at John Dan Tannas Friday, Saturday shows 7 p.m. And then, weirdly enough, not in another show until 2 a.m. So please come to either the very early show or the insanely late show. Man, it's just so weird. Sorry, just real quick, because the internet, because Big Ranch is always listening. This has nothing to do with Ranch.

Underneath it, it just said Martha Stewart. Reveals she broke up with Anthony Hopkins over Silence of the Lambs. What? I don't think that cat was silence and I was getting... Yeah, what is it holding? You gotta make a couple jokes. It's depressing. People quitting acting and cats getting eaten by dogs.

What's next to fucking alligator rate of old woman? What are we doing here on this show? Oh, God, Betty White, RIP, yes. I'm looking at Martha Stewart's Instagram right now. That was a Lake Placid. That was a Lake Placid joke. I love that movie. Fantastic.

Betty White, they're bringing the dog on stage. I wonder if that dog ate the cat. Anyways, go on, MJ. The woman is not grieving. She has, she has just a video about pasta with broccoli, a one pot dish.

She has, life goes on, MJ. There's been nine posts in the last two days. Four days ago, she posted a picture. I don't know. This must have been before the dog. ate the cat because she has a picture of her dog for an ad for having wellness, mobility, and calm CBD treats for the dog.

So you should have given him more CBD so he was telling him not eat your cat. Actually, it might be kind of funny because I think this happened on the fourth. When was that? This post is from four days ago, so six minus fours in a second. So it just proceeded. It just preceded the dog eating the cat. Give him a little bit more CBD. I'm just bumping up to the THC, I guess.

There is no in-memorium post for the cat on her Instagram. There is nothing on her Instagram right now except some stories about how to repaint your kitchen. That is farm life. You know, it just kind of happens sometimes. How to prevent your jewelry. I'm going to read you Martha Stewart's Instagram stories headlines right now. Do you want to repaint your kitchen? Here's how to choose the best color for your space.

21 bathroom organization tips. 10 gardening mistakes to stop making now. How to prevent your jewelry from tarnishing over time. how to prune hydrangees, 10 hydration powders that will take your glass of water to the next level. I read this one right now.

How to declutter your pet count? Oh, no. To allow for a simpler living. This is very interesting. I will say you are making these ingest, but I immediately looked up the 21 bathroom organization tips because I was like,

ooh, I do need bathroom organization tips. I'm going to go back to several of these. I want to talk about how fucked Madonna's faces. Okay, come on. What are we going to get into that? Can't eat the dots. and Madonna is upsetting. I guess I should be following Madonna on TikTok.

I hate a fucking cat the other day. Jesus, gosh, it looks like some kind of a creature of some kind of a monster at the beginning of a horror film. It is, it is just, it is unsettling is a word that was used online. She put up a very interesting TikTok right before the Grammys. And she gets so close to the camera

that I thought that I was going to be sucked through like in the movie, stay tuned. And I was ready for my fate. And then I had to stop myself because I almost read a bunch of boring as fuck takes from random strangers on the internet before I realized, oh, this whole article is one of those again.

We just, you know, the lead is up top and then there's literally nothing. But then this guy said, ew, ew, ew, Madonna's face, ew. There's a bunch of people on Twitter being like, ew, Madonna, which, you know. But it's just true. It's upsetting.

and it's just the way she gets right up in there and it does look like a Looney Tunes character inserted like a bicycle pump into her neck and just went to Tad. That is more of what it is, even besides the fact of like that she has definitely had a lot of work done

but then it was the way that she's slowly like, stop. So I'm not even shaming her for the plastic surgery she's gotten done. I'm shaming her for then coming out. Like, I wouldn't

just like, hey guys, the microphones, the camera. Oh, uh, uh, I'm sucking on the microphone. I'm trying to like, just clear my head from all the disturbing stuff we talked about.

It's awful, Jackie, what you're doing right now. Very scary, but maybe I will say, um, I guess I'm not a stranger to scaring people on TikTok because if you go over and look, I'm trying to entice,

I was trying to entice holding to give me a kickback as I, I used a Taylor Swift filter and I touched my breasts and I touched my pussy and I pretended that I was Taylor Swift and I said, Holden, holden. I used the robot voice and he has a report. I'm sorry, I've been still considering my response to that. He responded in a text message in all capital letters saying make it stop.

So that is a response. Make it stop. Horrific. Absolutely horrific. Sometimes I send them to Jeff because I want to show and he's like, you are, you are really doing TikTok, huh? I'm like, I might not be doing the TikTok that people want, but I'm doing the TikTok that

I need. That they deserve. You're like Batman, but for TikTok. Oh, I'm a detective too. Oh, my God, Batman's Detective, everybody. Your TikToks, I think your TikToks are very good. I think you're doing a great job. Thank you.

And it's going to be hard for me to come up with anything critical to say about you on our upcoming holiday. Well, I feel like Gloria's, oh my God, thank you, MJ. we are, that was seamless. And I know that he's saying that it was seamless, it takes away from it. Yeah, it's almost like you were delivery in New York City. That was seamless.

That was, oh, hold in. Now wait, everyone's about to get the ads for seamless. I wanted to, before we talk about April Reels Day real quick, I wanted to bring up, this was a shout out that came in a bit ago, that I wanted to explicitly read on the show because it made me feel so. nice that now we're first inaugural April Real's Day. Again, April Real's Day is April 19th, day before 420. And if you forget, it is the antithesis of April Fool's Day because I guess we all notice that we do not bring up April Fool's on this show because it drives me

bat shit. Because a lot of times April fools are not silly billies and it makes me angry. And it brings out the old bully in me. So April's Day is our answer to that, where you, with consent, talk with your loved ones and look them in the eye and talk about things that maybe you could

work on for yourself or things that they feel about you. And I will say, before we even get into this, MJ will be joining us this year. I'm gonna die. I can't even look my closest loved

one's in the eye and tell them what I'm thinking. How am I going to do it with you too? This is how we heal, MJ. It's how we heal. With honesty, we heal with truth bombs that are packaged in a way that hopefully will not be so painful. But you know what? A, let's take A.

I think maybe we might have inspired some people lately with how we treat people when they do, when they get too real. You get the slap. Yeah. We did pioneer the slap on this show. Yeah, we actually, now that I think about it, did we inspire. Spire the slap? Yeah, because every time, as people might not know,

if on April Reels, if you say something that crosses the line, you are given a plastic hand in which you were allowed to slap that person with. And maybe we'll have to have, like, Gideon or someone on standby over there to, with the plastic hand, and then we'll be like, slap them, MJ. That's if you go too, if I go too far. If you cross line, we always use the example, I hate your fucking wife. Yes. That's what not to do.

An example that is to do is like, I don't like the way you eat pizza, right? It's not something they can correct. It's something that is just kind of over the line. And it's something that might end a friendship. We're not ending friendships here. We're trying to say, hey, you know, great example. I think one of the better examples in our past is, hey, Jackie, you're better than this. You got to quit smoking.

And I know you can quit. Yes, because Jessica wrote in, and I just want to say thank you so much. that Jessica said, I think three-ish years ago when Holden first appeared, Best Decision, and you guys did the first April Reels, Holden told Jackie something to the effect of, you need to quit smoking because you're better than this, and people look up to you.

And guess fucking what? It's true. I look up to you, and that was the time that I started my journey of quitting smoking. Oh, my God, I'm gonna cry. Even bought the book, right? Alan Cars, I need to quit smoking.

Yeah, easy way to quit smoking, which is what I used to quit. Yes. Yeah, good call on that. Just read a book. didn't use a patch or gum and tried all that stuff, didn't work, and the book.

Jessica said, my first year had ups and downs, but I am two years, nine days smoke-free at this point. And it's literally thanks to Jackie and Holden. I wanted to thank you guys for being so open and honest about everything and making me feel like there were people out there like me who knew what I was going through

and could still do it anyway. Y'all truly feel like friends, and I just wanted to say thanks for your influence and support over the years. And thank you, Jessica, because it did, like, you gave me tingles, when I read this. And I just want to say thank you so much because I know that it did start off as like a fuck

you April fools. We're going to be real instead. But it's like changed my life. And some of the things I know that we're going to talk about this on April Reels Day, but I mean the things, some of the things that Holden has told me I have adopted into my life. And it has changed me for the better. Oh my God.

It's just like the wicked song. I have been changed for good. Oh, God damn it. I'm going to listen to Wicked for the rest of the God. Oh, my God, come on. I'd rather you eat a cat. Jesus, please. Oh, cat skills.

I just want to say thank you so much, Jessica, ever writing in. And I wanted to remind everyone April 19th and that MJ is going to be joining us this year. God help me. I do not take criticism well, and I do not deal with confrontation or honesty well. Me neither.

Don't worry, we will not go easy on you. No. Also, an honest. of the holiday, I will be taking smoking back up. No, don't. No, no, of course not. The reason also, this is relevant to info, if you're new here, the reason it's on April 19th is so that the next day, well, when we were initially having this joke conversation,

this all came about about a joke conversation with Holden when he was new to page 7, and then it was like, well, do it on April 19 so that you can smoke away the memory on April 20th. But it has turned into something, it started loving, but it's turned into something even more loving. And it seems like no one has ever been had hurt. Correct me if I'm wrong. I don't think either of you have ever had hurt feelings after April. No, I mean, Jackie did call me sexually frozen. So there is that and people love to remind me of that every time. Sex sort of comes up maybe on a live stream or something like that. Everyone says frozen, frozen. He's sexually frozen. But besides that, no. I never bring it up.

You bring it up. Holden does bring it up. Thank you, MJ. I bring it up. Definitely. All right, we're trying different things. We've got some couple of leather straps, I think, hidden around here somewhere. Oh, all right.

Okay. A bonnet, I believe. You guys did it like in April of 2020, too. God, I can't even imagine what head of space. It was great, honestly. Yeah. It gave us something to look forward to. Yeah.

And now that we are in, we are in the same space, which is why you'll have to have Gideon. there to hopefully give you a light slap on the face just in case. But only if I go too far. Yes. And we don't slap with hands. We slap with a little toy hand slapper from the other case.

I will send you a hand slapper. Okay. And if you're somehow, if you're maybe aroused by him doing that, we'll find a different pun. Or I think that it sounds great. Yeah, I think the holidays are supposed to be about coming away feeling good. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to anything else I'm talking about before we move into the celebrity. No, I'm ready to be conspirulized. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Tom Brady is a robot who fucks mattresses. Yes. Okay.

I'm not the same thing about that man. Yes. If there was a barrel, we are at the bottom of it with some kind of a life. I don't think so. I think this is on top. I think this is great. This one comes in from a lot. Olivia who says this is my very personal niche

Sleb conspiracy, but Holden said he was desperate. So here we go. These are the kinds that I like the most. Yeah. Tom Brady is a robot who fucks mattresses. This is mostly based on Tom Brady's TV commercial appearances and an item from a sort of recent list discussing weird celebrity diet. So first we have this weird, silly mattress commercial from 2017.

They've linked to the commercial. Tom Brady is led through a weird fancy hotel. by an old creepist who shows Mr. Brady to an empty room furnished with a lone bear mattress. The hotel man asks if he needs anything else, and Thomas lustily says, no, not a thing. No blankets or pillows for your bare mattress? So my guess is this is some sort of fuck mattress hotel. Sure. How do we go from that to fucking gum mattress?

Well, I'm glad you asked. Okay. Next is this Hertz commercial from 2021. It's like a Hertz donut? Oh, whatever, Cat Skills. And this one, Mr. Brady, is casually sitting in a parking lot in a recliner, charging himself through a port on his chest, like an electric car. And the Hertz employee in the commercial casually says,

yeah, he's here all the time for software updates. The only rational explanation is that he is a robot. But if you need more proof, I can't remember which episode, but y'all were talking about bad-seleb diets. My ears pricked up when Jackie said that his diet plan was not made, for humans. Coincidence? Whoa. His diet is called the TB12 diet, and I'm

currently skimming the website, and the descriptions use the word fuel way too many times. One example, fuel your body before you work out by drinking a high calorie, high protein, high fat smoothie, or shake. If you really want to fuel like Tom, add walnuts,

Akai powder, asai, asai. Oh, whatever. And hemp or chia seeds. But do you really need more convincing, I think not. I hope you believe. I love you. Olivia. This is great. It's well researched. There's a lot of citations. I buy the robot part. I think the mattress bit is a bit of a reach piece. It's based on a fake commercial. And again, the problem

is that when I see a bare mattress, it does obviously seem like it's a fuck mattress. Yeah, it's like a bear ass. You know what I mean? But I don't think when I see a bare mattress, I don't think someone's going to fuck that mattress. Someone's going to fuck that mattress. Right. Fuck on the mattress. And that's where the disconnect is. Well, as someone, I'm probably the only person here because, you know,

what I'm working with who actually did fuck a mattress at one point, you know, trying all the various things. One tries when they're talking, back in the day, we're talking those old MTV video music video memories. That's like a $2,000 F. Maybe not in the late 90 when you did it. But that is a big, that's an expensive F. It didn't work for me. I was still trying to figure it out.

This was pre-actually finishing. Just trying to figure out what you were just helping it? Yeah. By the way, I'm sure everybody's like, oh, thank God he finally brought up how he used to masturbate. Because we've gotten 48 minutes into the episode, and he still has not said a word about it like he usually does. So you're welcome, uh, listeners.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I just, I don't know how you got a hard penis underneath a mattress, but I also don't have a penis, so I'm not sure. I don't know how that was. What's in between the box and the mattress? Isn't the edge of it hurt? Yeah, but have you heard that Lady Gaga song? I'm on the edge of glory.

Oh, yes, I have. And that is what the song is about. It's about fucking the mattress. It's about fucking mattress. Maybe Tom Brady heard that song and was like, I'm gonna fuck this mattress. I believe. Right, right.

Of glory. And he sings it as he's fucking the mattress. Eat a fucking cat tonight. Yeah, which is crazy. The chow chow was there. I'm sorry, it's very upsetting what happened to that cat. I'll bet that it wasn't the chow chow. I'll bet that it was a Frenchie.

Ooh, okay. Those things have a reputation too. They all have reputations. Yeah, maybe they all talked about it and then made a plan. There you go. I mean, all the farm. Yeah, just like Taylor Swift,

he's got his Taylor's version shirt on, so he had to say it. Well, we believe Holden. Yep. All right. Yeah, like I said, I believe this robot thing, you know, a hundred percent. Yeah, hell of yeah.

Definitely a robot. Whether or not he fucks mattresses or just fucks on mattresses up for a debate. But a robot, you know, probably wouldn't stop at fucking on a mattress. I guess confession,

if I walk in and just see a mattress on the floor, I assume that you'd piss on it. Right? Why? What? Because like if you just see a mat, like I feel like rather that,

like if I'm going to say like, okay, what outlandish thing would you assume if you just saw a mattress without sheets on it, like, oh, I wouldn't assume you fuck it. I would immediately assume, oh, it's for pissing on it. What? What? What?

Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry. I don't piss on mattresses. I'm just saying that, like, what crazy thing would you expect? Like, oh, I piss on it. That's not even in the top five things. If you asked me, what would you do if you saw a bare mattress? What would someone do if they saw a bare mattress in a room?

I would say, I just think a guy, a 22-year-old guy, just out of college lives in this place. But even then, I wouldn't say he's going to piss on it. His sociopath would piss on it. Number one is fuck on it. Number two is puke on it. Number two is, you know, pass out. You already said number two.

What's wrong with you guys today? No, number one is always piss on it because that's what number one is. But also it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. That's about babysitter movies and babysitters and movies.

God. Help us. Are you guys thinking about your babysitters right now? I hope that you are. And I hope that you're also thinking about the sound of music. Because Christopher Plummer hated the movie. He also kind of hated co-star Julie Andrews. He referred to the film as the sound of mucus.

And worked with Andrews as being hit over the head with a big Valentine's Day card. Yeah, but see, the thing is, fuck him, because I would love to be hit over the head by a giant oversized Valentine's Day card. That would be awesome. Yes. Yeah.

That's, oh my God, that's so sad because I love Christopher Plummer in that movie. And I find that to be very sad. I just felt really seen because he calls it the sound of mucus and it makes me think of calling, like, Holden I calling it the power of the slog. And I'm like, oh, which is like Christopher Plummer. Yeah.

And I actually used to call my favorite musical, The Music Man, the Mucous Man. So that's fine. You can call it the sound of mucus all you want. but come on Christopher Plummer, the giff of you ripping up the Nazi flag is like one of the best gifts of all time. Yes, classic.

Well, now you can think about beef. Oh, no, it all said. Christopher Flummer also apparently said I actually like Nazis. I am a Nazi. No, don't see. Oh my God, there's so like a bad movie about him over here. It's a movie about a Nazi, but he's a Nazi himself.

Well, Mrs. Doubtfire, despite being the simple tale of a man pretending to be a British nanny, the movie was complicated to make, featuring multi-camera constantly working, trying to grab any little thing that Robin Williams was improvising,

a lot having to be cut to avoid an R-rated movie featuring Matilda. Dude, I want to see that now. I want to see the dirty version. You know they can put it together. Oh, come on, give it to us posthumously, bra. Please give it to us.

I've seen some clips for it because I did like a live reading of the original script and also the original script used to be dirtier as well, so they did make it into more of a, but I do sometimes wonder, I have not looked into this, I do wonder

if he, because the script was a little bit dirtier, thought that he could make it a little bit dirtier, which, I mean, if you let Robin Williams go, I just, yeah, I want to see the raw data. Yes. And I also want to see the raw data of Mary Poppins.

Despite seeming from the first second to be silver screen royalty, this was actually Julie Andrew's first appearance of the film. She had previously become a star on the stage, but this is where she captured the hearts and minds of, well, everyone. I didn't know that that was her first movie. You get that energy of it, too, though, by the way her character is and is treated, you know,

from the beginning in the film. I think it actually suits it really well, the way that she, like, appears in their lives seemingly out of nowhere, and is this, like, amazing entity? It, like, perfectly fits. Yeah. Did the actors and Mary Poppins feel like they were being hit over the head by a giant Valentine's Day card the way Christopher Plummer did?

No, no, but at one point, I will say, Jillian, did have an interesting diet during the film and she did a one point eat a cat, which was really bizarre. I'm triggered, Holden. Trigger was the name of the cat. No. I do, I love the movie Uncle Buck,

and if you have not seen it, I don't know if it holds up in the same way for other people as it does for me being a younger sister and having an younger brother and a much older sister, because that's exactly what Uncle Buck is really about.

But despite being a family man, Uncle Buck himself hired a clown and strippers. I'm talking about John Candy for director John Hughes's birthday during the making of the movie. This sounds like a better film than the one we got. How fucking dare you cracked.com? I'm done with the list. Sounds like a better film in the movie week within the one week. What are you talking about?

Uncle Buck's a great fucking movie. You're screaming is not only impaired my ears. It's also, I think, made me go blind. That's not my fault. Items. We can't see them. Roll with that. Roll with that.

It works. Yes, that's right. It's time for blind items. Prepare to be fucked with knowledge. Okay. Fucked like a mattress. Yeah. Not in a good horny way.

You're getting, yeah, but it's a piss-covered mattress. Oh, no. Don't let me do your mattresses. Here we go. Peggy sees a mattress in a room. She wants to piss on it. That's what we know about her. I mean, it brings a new meaning to going to the mattresses.

Just a bunch of. just piss it all over her mattress. This A-List movie, this A-List mostly television actor, rather, comes from an acting family. He also treats women like crap, and apparently has also decided to make sure the cast and crew of the show,

which brought him back from obscurity, will hate him while they are filming the final season of the show. Those writers who he really threw under the bus with insults can make his life miserable every single episode. Okay, you need to give us more... TV actor.

Oh, I'll give you more. Came from an acting family. It's a show you two were weird about and insane about. Is it Riverdale? Yeah. Is it Cole Spruz?

Yeah. Recently Sprow said of the show that he's ready to quote, wrap it up with a bow and that he quote, we show up, receive the scripts off in the day of

and we're asked to shoot. He's being real kind of like he's trying to hold back but he's definitely, yeah, yeah, he's definitely letting it out that he's ready to move on. Well, I believe that they are

signed on for seven seasons. So we're in the sixth season currently. So it does make a lot of sense. I will say I thought that that interview with him, and if you haven't had the chance to check it out, of the interview of him that came out recently, I've got a lot of back and forth feelings that I've got about Cole Spouse. Like, I feel like I completely understand

and he does feel like the system wrong, like the entertainment system wrongs a lot of people. But at the same time, part of me is just like, he hates Hollywood so. much that like then stop doing it like part of me and like yeah then wrap it up with a bow stop doing it

it's yeah it's a very interesting interview and he says like the Disney Channel like treated child stars and especially girls horrifically and there's like force people can't recover and we shouldn't talk about like what went wrong when we know what went wrong it's very very interesting it's interesting it pulls me all different ways because he refers to fame as like trauma

yeah and and I get that at the same time I think it's more reasonable for like child stars to refer to it like that but it is kind of funny too because it's like but then it's like the one trauma that people seem to a lot of people work really hard to achieve. Yeah. You know what I mean? Isn't that like a weird thing?

But for child stars I actually think it's very apt and the way they don't even know and he says like you know he's like I think it's traumatic for adults but adults can just deal with it better and children have no tools to deal with it which I actually think is like a very astute way. But what other what other trauma do people

actively, it's their dream to acquire. Honestly, as you were saying it, I mean, I'm saying this is not being one, parenthood. Is it not? That's true. I mean, a lot of people want it and then you're just like, I'm not saying it's not completely 100% worth it, but like, I'm watching my friends go through a lot of rough shit and it's a lot of awesome shit, but it's a lot.

But there's a lot of awesome things that go with being famous. Yeah. Totally, but trauma doesn't have to, I think it's like, there is a very expanding definition of trauma. Perhaps sometimes it feels like it's too expanded, but I feel like if it's, I think that the definition is like, you know, something that, you know, has, you know, is, is scary and terrifying that you have no control over, you know, and, um, yeah, and I feel like that is fame, you know, and there's no question to me that fame is traumatic. And I don't disagree that it's not. I just think it's such

a interesting thing. And you're totally right, Jackie. Like, that is another, but there's so, there's very few of those, you know, where you're like actively putting yourself, you're like, your goal is to achieve a traumatic situation. Think about all the audition process is a nightmare. It's why it always shocks me that people, anybody ever says, like, I want to be specifically famous, right? And I know that I'm in like my line of work sort of would,

if I became very successful, lead me to that point. You know what I mean? But I mean, I was even in therapy earlier talking about like some of the weird ins and outs, like getting a random asshole message from someone. You know what I mean? Talking shit to me that I've never met before.

before, you know what I mean? And that's just a thing that doesn't actually happen to people unless they're in this sort of line of work. You know what I mean? And this was why many episodes ago, I accidentally stumbled along the line of defending Shake from Love is Blind.

Not that I meant to. Fuck that guy, but you do not know how awful it feels to have thousands to millions for him of people on the internet screaming at you and calling you a fucking idiot. it until it happens.

And when it hasn't happened to you, you're like, that's probably not that bad. And then what it does happen, you're like, oh, this feels very bad. You know? And so that's, again, fuck shake. But it must be... Bruises the soul.

...traumatic to be a reality star and to be like, I'm just some guy. And now fucking everyone who's ever been online hates me, you know? And it doesn't excuse what a dicky is. And same thing with child stars who grow up to be shitty adults. Once they're adult, Cole Spouse is like an inconsistent person. and he has shown himself to be sometimes like a thoughtless,

you know, not kind person. But in terms of what he says about the industry, I think he's very thoughtful and very smart and really spot on, right? And the same goes, I think, for grown adult men who make far too many jokes in a single podcast episode about a dog eating a cat, I think it's all kind of goes in the same.

Yeah, it's all the same. Woof, baby. Whoop, baby. All right. Please, MJ. Come on. serious spot. Speaking of cats, the marijuana feline is great and looked great, but Coke was the holdup,

not the peeing. What? From a recent event. What? What? Wait, speaking of cats. Speaking of cats. Marijuana feline is a clue as to the name of this artist.

Doja cat? Yes. Oh. Did you see her acceptance speech at the Grammys? Oh, yeah. after she had just taken a piss. Yeah, this is, this blind eye of it was alleging she ran off

to do some blow cake. Oh, she did, I mean, she was trying to cover her pussy right at the beginning of it. Yeah, and she ran up and she was like, fastest piss of her taking it of my life and, you know, all this kind of stuff. She's, like, fastest pissing out of it.

She was like a bleeding out of her nose. Meanwhile, poor Cizza, who like, I mean, I loved the even just with the crutches. Just with the crutches. And then Lady Gaga trying to help her up the stairs after she just lost. Lady Gaga is just, yeah. just killing it lately.

We didn't even talk about her and Liza Minnelli and how wonderfully kind she was to her and how much dignity she protected for Liza Minnelli. She really did. She's never been in my bad graces, but she is back in my good graces. Yes. And by the way, I feel like we barely,

we didn't even mention this last week. Apparently at one point in the Oscars, Will Smith got on stage and slapped this wrong. No. What are you talking about? All right, here's the last one. God, this guy really rubs me the wrong fucking way, bro. This actor slash singer, like, whatever singer.

Was leading around a handcuffed woman at an after party and no one said anything? He's the worst. He's the guy. He's in the movie that no one cares about lately. And then he's also in a band that's whatever. Jared Leto. Yes. I also saw some other black.

like he's going to be canceled soon. Like apparently, I don't know. I can't believe he hasn't been canceled yet. And that's not fair of me. I shouldn't be going around saying he gives off James Franco vibes. But I shouldn't say that. We don't know anything. Allegedly, he gives off this exact same vibes.

He's just a color leader, you know. Col leaders might not be a predator. The cult leaders don't never have a history. No, I've never heard one bad thing about a cult leader. And I think that, you know, maybe it's more like a club. And maybe they had their silent. Bunker Club, and that's why they didn't know about the pandemic for the first month and a half. And it's just what the club does.

And I think that that's, you know, fine. So what do you think? Cool or lame, leading around a handcuffed woman at the Grammy's after party. What do you think? It's a no from me. That's a no from MJ. What about you, Jackie? Very cool dude thing.

Kind of whatever. It's difficult for me because in the kink community, it depends on if this person was consenting and if this was something that they discussed and if this is something. that they were into. If the person is consenting and they had a consenting conversation about what was going on, I would not feel as yucky about it. I would hope that that is the case. And that is what I will say about it. Well, the problem was she was foreign and her name was consent.

So she kept going, I consent. I consent. That is, yeah, that will bring it down. That will certainly bring it down. And especially, you know, it's like it just depends on how he was treated her. I think that it's very, I think also, I will say it is uncomfortable. Afterable to have someone, you're like, Red and afterport.

Even if she did consent, which I'm the hope to God she did, I'm a 99.9% sure that she did. Otherwise, we're talking about a very, we're talking about a crime, but, you know, I think that, because then he needs to be canceled.

Then he needs to be canceled. Someone at this party, let me out. Different headline. I think there's no question she consented, but it's just, even if that's what you're into is your kink, it's a strange aesthetic choice to be like,

I'm a famous man. I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm going to just have a woman in bondage at my party. I think that's, again, this is not a kinkshame. It is just a strange choice to choose for what your, like, accessory is at a party, I think. But maybe I'm a square. Next party I've got, I'm going to have multiple people consensually taped to my back. And then we're all going to be pissing on mattresses.

And everybody's. invited. I'm in the corner, eating a cat. Yeah, it's going to be a whole situation. I'm in the corner. Eat the cat. Oh. That's the thing.

They say save the cat. I say eat the cat. Oh, wait. No, it should be, I'm in the corner, eating the kitty. Meow. Meow. That'll be the cat.

That's when the cat's cue is. That's what the cat's. All right. There you go. Well, if any issues you had, please email Jackie page seven Put it to Jackie's attention Say not for Holden or MJ

If you have any big issues With any of the many inappropriate jokes We've made today Thank you everybody You gotta let loose You know we had a very tight episode Last week so we gotta let loose this week And I feel great about it

Yeah I can see And he can see And we have done a show for ye. Wow. Look at me. And look at me. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

We got to end the episode. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram but Jack That Worm. Come check me out over on Twitch.com. Oh no, it's Jackie. Also, oh my God, I didn't even bring it up.

I finished Twilight. What? Congratulations. We're done. It's done. We're done. It's done. It's been almost two years.

Wow. So we are going to be watching twilight over on Twitch.com. Oh, no, it's Jackie. Next Wednesday, April 13th, if you miss it the first time and you want to come join another time, now that I know this world.

I feel like I'll be able to watch it from a different place. So come join us and it'll be great. Beautiful. I love it so much. Please, again, April Reels on Twitch.combe forward slash Holdenator so and check out all the many wonderful streams over there.

Monday, Tuesday, Friday. Twitch.TV forward slash Holdenator. So Jackin with the Holdies on Fridays at 6 p.m. E.T. It's always the best. And hey, please send those emails in with the celebrity conspiracies and everything. I don't care how Zaddy. They are. I'll take a look at them. Page the number seven podcast at gmail.com. The numeral, my friends, page seven podcast at gmail.com. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast as well. Weekly bonus content of the likes you've never seen. And for $10 a month, you can join us for our Gossip Girl watch along live on Discord every Thursday. Well, it was Gossip Girl, but it's seeming like we're just about to finish season one of Gossip Girl and you are more than welcome to watch those. But as of right now, what's in the lead is Jersey Shore.

So you've got, this is going to be released the day of. So you still have today, if you are listening to it on Thursday, to come over and vote because it is getting close between Jersey Shore. and sister wives. So it really depends on where you want your brain to be for the next couple of months. I love it. All right, MJ.

My name is MJ and I'm MJKLKat on Instagram. We love you guys so much. It's time for the shout-out song. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Garn. Go read up to you. Come on. Was up.

Is that what you needed right after the shout-out song? I hope it was. Thank you guys so much for sending such just amazing emails to our page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Email page? Email page. How old are you, Jackie? I also want to say thank you to all you. you guys that have no shoutouts as well, that just send in great articles that we may have

missed. And I just want to give a shout out to Betsy in South Korea who sent this article because, no, I didn't know that Rebel Wilson gained weight to become famous. You know, I want to say go for ha, because also go for her, honestly. But just looking at my body, I'm like, man, yeah, that's why I gained weight to. it's to be famous. It's not, but I love ExoXO Gossip Girl. Thank you so much, Betsy, for sending it in. It, like, took me a minute to take it in, but please look up if you did not know this as well.

Rebel Wilson reveals that she gained weight to get famous. And you know what? God bless it. Also want to give a shout out to Rachel, who wrote in about our conspiracy theory from last week about Kid Rock having a body double because they met Kid Rock's body double. Explained how it didn't quite seem like it was Kid Rock at all. And then also included a picture and you are 100% right. That can't be Kid Rock.

I don't look. I know that you, this is a listening thing, a podcast. But I just, I can't believe that someone immediately wrote in to corroborate our conspiracy theory from last week. So we did believe and we should have believed. And thank you, Rachel, so much for writing in about your experience.

And I also want to give a shout out to Maddie, who wrote in about Martha Stewart's Instagram. Now I did talk about it on the show today, but I just want to say thank you so much because it's things like that that I just want you guys to know that it never falls

upon depth. eyes. I won't take it out. I won't take out what I said. Even if it's reviews for the Baldo, Derek, and I just want to say thank you so much because I always need Baldo reviews. But also, again, you can send your shout-outs into page 7 podcast.g.com. And adorable Meg has sent in a birthday shout-out to their sister lace. whiskey. I love you, Laced Whiskey, but also your name is Kelsey in real life. But to me, you're Laced

Whiskey, a part of our Twitch community, Happy Almost Birthday. Meg says, my amazing sister, Kelsey's, Lays and Whiskey's birthday is coming up on April 17th, and I want to send her some love from her favorite podcastos. Kelsey is the most amazing

sister and best friend I could ever ask for. She is so caring, kind, funny, and always there for me, no matter what life throws my way. She is my rock in life and I would be nowhere without her love and support. I am so beyond proud of her for going back to school this year to get her doctorate in anthropology. Congratulations! It's been challenging, but she is killing it and getting A's baby. Meg says thank you for all the drunk nights on the kitchen floor, screaming to whatever band we're

currently obsessed with. Treat yourself win-as-dates and forever being the second half. of our whole idiot. Can I just say, Meg? I love this phrase. Treat yourself winners dates and forever being the second half of our whole idiot. Your love is delightful. Happy birthday, Kells. I love you.

I love Meg. And I love you both, too. Okay, I'll be a part of your sisterhood. I can't wear the pants. And thank you guys so much for your emails. for your conspiracy theories. And just for reaching out, I really always absolutely appreciate it. And if you are saving up some stuff for April Reels Day,

who boy, I understand. Just remember it's all about the consent. I love you guys so much. I hope you have a beautiful week. And we will see you next week. Don't forget, you can send in anything you want to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I love you. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.