Page 7 - Ep. 448: I'm The Jackie But I'm Also The Holden

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

This week Holden and MJ are joined by Natalie Zebrowski from SPUN and are gossin' 'bout the Doja Cat Taco Bell ad and the state of advertisement in general, more Kim K Marilyn Monroe dress talk, Drake's unique way of dealing with a troll, James Cromwell finding himself in a sticky situation at Starbucks, what it's like to celebrate your first Mother's Day, a possible T. Swift pregnancy! And in celeb conspiracy corner; Did 911 Break up Justin Timberlake and Brit-Brit due to his FARTS!? Plus The List, Blinds, and the SHOUTZZ Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Have you been dying to see us live? Then get psyched about the last podcast network, Country Jamboree, at the Rhyman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee on June 18th. Jackie, we're not at the Country Bear Jamboree, but I am grinning like a possum, eating a sweet tater. Because we'll have all your favorite LPN family out and performing live, including last podcasts on the left, page seven,

Wizard and the Bruiser, No Dogs in Space, Brider Side, fraudsters, someplace underneath, the story must be told, and more. Tickets available now. Again, that's the Rhyman Auditorium on June 18th in Nashville, Tennessee. The last podcast network, Country Jamboree! Once there was this kid who got it to an accident and couldn't come to school, But when he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white, he said that it was from when the cars had smashed so hard. All right, you're doing the low note? All right, very good.

He started low. Jackie's already so mad. Jackie threw her front up. the window. Blinking, ting, ting, Klingin,

ting, king, second verse. What? There was this girl who wanted to go and

change with the girls in the change room but when yeah, it's my

time to do this but when they finally made her they saw birth marks all over

her body that's my opening song that you couldn't quite explained it they'd always just

be Welcome to page seven, everybody. It's the M-N-M-M-M song by the band Crash Test Dumbies. And you know what? I'm going to go and say, underrated album. That is a good album that people should pay more attention to agree or disagree. Natalie and MJ, my co-host this week. Jackie's not here.

What do you think, agree or disagree? I don't think I knew that they had any other songs. Oh, yeah, they got a whole album of a... They have a couple albums. And my friend Pat and I, we were obsessed with the music video and this song. It was so weird. And so we got the album and we were like, wow, there's actually a bunch of fun, good tracks on this. That was one of my first tapes I ever owned.

That and Primus Pork Soda. Can you give me a year to place myself? Like, we're talking early 90s, right? Yes, this is 90s for sure. 93? I was going to say 93. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember when Halloween costumes of Crash Test Dummies were very in.

and it was about 90. Right. And, yeah, they formed in 1988, but I'm pretty sure, yeah, it was the early 90. I mean, I was in fifth grade, I think. Okay. Yeah, 91 in 1999, it says,

mainstream success. And they, yeah, they had an album called The Ghost That Haunt Me, which is interesting, because a guy at a Calman song called She's a Ghost that Haunts me. But God Shuffled His Feet was the album with mm-mm-mm-mm on it.

And that kid, that was in 1993. That was their second out. That was a balzy move to make a sound the name of the song. That was what you could do in the 90s. It was free, you know. You could do all sorts of things. You just songs about jerking off. Yeah, if you were a straight white man.

No one else. Of course, thank you for reminding me, Jackie. I'm sorry, Natalie. Jackie's not here. Jackie. You're the Jackie. Has no voice and she must scream. She had her laryngitis came back.

with a big old rope blast, you know what I'm saying? It was a big nasty load of laryngitis. We're talking about Cumb now, right? Yeah, I'm running the show, y'all. What's up? You're in my house now. Before we started recording, Natalie and I said, Holden, you're the Jackie.

And he said, but I'm the Jacket and I'm also the Holden. And that's going to be what's really special about the show is Holden. Welcome to my dome of terror. I wanted to be the Holden. That's what I wanted. I'm the holdin. You can be the holden. Be the holden for us real quick.

You gotta talk about cum a lot. I love my baby. Wow. That's nice old. I love calm jokes in my baby. Like how mad I am about how much I love my baby. I like that part of it of the most. Yes.

What else? M.J. Thank you for joining us as well. I'm going to be the M.J. I will try to, you know, I can try to channel both my inner Jackie and my inner Holden. They're both in there. Yeah.

Wrestling. Well, they're on your shoulder constantly arguing over what decision you should make. That's true. They are. You are the Jackie and the Holden on my shoulder. Interestingly, both suggesting things I would never do. Jackie's just going squirt, squirt, squirt. And I'm just going, come, come, come.

Different bad things. So you have separately bad suggestions. Different tastes of bad things. Light it on fire. No, cover it in water. And it's all bad, right? Because we're talking about your laptop or something. You know what I mean?

They're just like intrusive thoughts on your shoulder. Yeah. Jackie and Holden are my intrusive thoughts. Actually, that might help with, I'm not, I don't have like, you know, I probably don't have the most intrusive thoughts of anybody, but I have them. And I think maybe if I name them, Jackie and Holden, it will be. Well, sometimes my intrusive thoughts have to do with getting Taco Bell at 3 o'clock in the morning. And my God, my Lord, help us all.

It seems that they will be putting out a musical. You know, normally I'd just be like, whatever, I roll, you know, I'm going to try cigarettes again or something, you know what I mean? But in this situation, they've got some big talent behind this. People we've been talking about a lot lately. Dolly Parton, Doja Cat, both involved, which is hilarious to Doja Cat's involved, because we already talked about how Doja Cat. Natalie, if you haven't seen this, Doja Cat had to do like a corporate engagement song,

like rap, and it's so funny. just like this is dumb as shit, but here it goes. I purposely made this terrible. And like, it's very funny. So I would have thought she would have cut ties with Taco Bell over that situation. But maybe they are marketing geniuses and actually knew that that was indeed funny and actually

helpful to the Taco Bell brand. On top of that we were just talking about the two ladies who won a Grammy for writing a musical on TikTok, the Bridgerton musical. They're behind the writing of it. So now I kind of want to see this dumb fuck musical? I know. I know. I'm very

mad that a commercial, I get very mad when people laugh at commercials. I'm that person. Me too. Oh my God. I hate, or when people sit around, actually, what makes me mad is when a group of grown adults sit around and compare the commercials they like the best. Like, have you seen the one with the eagle that drinks the beer? It's like, yeah, dude, it's a dumb fuck commercial. Like, where are we at right now? You know what I mean? Marching towards death, I think. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather you guys compare Funko pops than talk about, you know what I mean? The idea, though, that, like, the Bridgetton musical Tick-Tock sensation is now making the Taco Bell musical, it does. We are manifesting idiocracy.

That is, this is exactly what that's leading to. Ah, Tick-Taco Bell, am I right? Very fun stuff. If you were, like, in college, I was, like, very angsty and learning about anti-capitalism, and I read a book called One Dimensional Man about how capitalism just can incorporate all resistance back into itself, only to grow stronger. And I feel like, that is this. It's just like, oh, you don't like, you know, the guy, I thought it was the Geigo commercials and the progressive commercials, which I always make Gideon laugh. And I always look at them, I'm like, in my house, you don't laugh at commercials.

I'm in Jams on your fucking team so hard right now. I love this from you. I never knew. We shared this with each other. I also, I get violently angry with people. And Lexi does the same thing. She loves coverage. I know.

She loves the ones. Oh, you're going to become like your parents. And Gideon's like, ah, ha, ha. And I'm like, shut up. Are Gideon Lexi. the same, like they're kind of the same, aren't they? I'm starting to think about it. Yeah, and that way I am the hold end too.

Yeah, oh, yeah. I'm like, shut up, Debbie Downer. It's not fun. It's not funny. I'm just like absolutely raining on his parade. Oh my God. Oh, I had the worst when Murder Fist was like falling apart. I came home one day. We were living in that studio apartment in Queens and I walked in and she was

watching the Amy Schumer sketch comedy show and I was just like, turn it off. There will be no sketch comedy in this house. It is a death. It is a dead place for me. One of your murder fist co-people was on the show. My husband. Oh, yeah.

Did Henry have a part? Yeah, he was on. It was like on a award nominated sketch on her show. Oh, gotcha. That's cool. Yeah, I didn't even know. Well, yeah, even worse. I'm like, he's out there.

That makes it worse. Working with her. Yeah, yeah, exactly. There was Henry out of it. my house. I'm literally living in a room with my then-girlfriend. I don't even think we were engaged at that point. I was living in a single room with a bathroom. It was a rough, you know, it was, but anyways, yes, going back to the Taco Bell. Yeah. So now we are in the singularity where instead of having like clever, and listen, if you're in marketing, I totally don't hold it

against you. If you aren't advertising, they get very smart, creative people. people and it's very hard to get a job being a smart creative person. So a lot of very smart, funny creative people get jobs in advertising, which makes total sense. And then they make very smart, funny creative ads. So it's not those people I'm mad at. It's capitalism. And now Taco Bell is like, oh, what if we, you know, yeah, like things like we are the world and stuff, we're corny. But like, you know, it's not corny, like Doja Cat and Dolly Parton.

And it's just very smart of them and very clever. And capitalism is just very clever. It's a little annoying just because they are going into the wink. We get it. We're like so meta. The Twitter of every corporation on Twitter you mean? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, we're moon pies. We tweet at Snackwells or whatever. Yeah, and we say fuck in our tweets, whatever. Right, right. We respond to like any loser on here. Yes, and then we go viral. Full disclosure, though, because I feel like I'm, I wonder, my instincts is to protect Taco Bell. I was in a Taco Bell.

You may have remembered this. Smell the Bell. You were to talk about a roundtable commercial? Yes, I was inside. It's like very hard to find. It's that like, I'm sure. It was like online only. I think it aired like on one website.

Is that the one day? Yes, the wedding line where we don't have the pants. And yeah, it was one of the few gigs I got from auditioning. Nailed it, by the way. Well, in that case, I take it all back and Taco Bell can make as many commercials. Yeah, Tago Bell as a sweet spot in my heart. I think I did one of those two where I like invented a line. Like I got a line.

which is kind of cool. Like I went all the way with it. I honestly, I feel like I should get more work. I created like a whole character out of nothing. I was like the creepy cousin in the wedding party. And I just kept riffing and doing all these little gags. Like even in between takes, I was just like making everybody break up.

Everybody was like, hold in, you are the man. You've got a huge dick. I think you're good at fucking. You're going to be a star. We're going to use you for everything. Yeah, exactly. They were like, can you sing less good? because you're too good at singing.

You know what I mean? It was like a lot of just people ask me to be less kind of talent forward in the situation. Are you guys missing Jackie yet? Is that happening yet? I've got you in my class. I would to see the data for like people dropping off of listening to the episode.

Like I would have like see the thing. Holden you need to embody Jackie. You're not, you're not being holding. Oh, hey, everybody. I work too hard. I work too hard. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Everybody loves me. Oh. Your goal for this episode is to make Jackie scream so much that she loses her, like, hard work for voice that she is. Poor Jackie is on vocal breast. Can you imagine just how much of, I told her she's like a prisoner in her own brain. Can you imagine not being able to speak? I dealt with this myself actually with Lexi, but it was Lexi who was. on the intense vocal rest.

But still, I mean, when your partner, you are around all day, every day, cannot fucking talk, it gets hard after a little while. Like, it gets very challenging. Imagine how they feel when you're just screaming in their face. Terrible. Yeah, like it's terrible.

And they can't yell back. Dude, she had to get like steroid injections in her throat. Really? Yeah. It was, dude, it got serious. It got to the point. It was for so, that's why I was like,

you got to shut this down now. because her shit got so serious after a while. Like, we were worried, like, she wasn't going to, like, come all the way back. Yeah. And, like, the more, and it's a Chinese finger trap. Like, the more you talk, like, the worse, you know what I mean? So the longer it's going to take. So it's just, like, it's such mental warfare.

Right now her and Jeff are in a playing, like, the world's most dangerous game with each other in that apartment. Like, just constantly have to communicate without action, one person not be able to talk at all. Like, and of, you know, and of, you know, and of, you know, and of, course, Jaggy's like me. I mean, you know, talk, talk, talk, talk. We love to talk. It's all I like to do. I like to do. So yeah, yeah, I can see how that. You should have just done this episode completely by yourself. I should have holding talks for an hour and 10 minutes. But he shall not. Back in the day, there was times, because we used to do my old political podcast radio dispatch every day. And there was times where just like something would come up and we just like had to get an episode out

without being able to get a guest. And there was just a handful of times over like a decade that we did it. But where I did a monologue for an hour. Whoa. It can happen that you'll figure out. It's like Rush Limbaugh style. You just embody your inner like, oh no. You know, Howard's turn or Rush Limbaugh in the other direction. Yeah, you start radicalizing yourself.

Yes, exactly. And I guess Kim Kardashian figured it out somehow and we figured it out a little bit later the whole part where she didn't even get the dress all the way on. Her big ass was just completely bursting out of the thing. They sort of tied it up loosely. I love the, it's just so funny, you know, after all of the work that was put into it, it's just such a celebrity thing. It's like, I work so hard to get the dress to fit.

And then at the end of the day, do you even fit? She lost so much weight. She looked very, very skinny. And she then spoke about how she lost the weight in this like super triggering, super unhealthy way. Oh, no, really? I didn't hear that. Yeah, she was like, I starved myself for three weeks. I can't wait to like go like binge after this.

Like, you know, it was like very, very, very bad, dangerous for a high, you know, somebody like fucking her. And yeah, her body clearly not meant to fit into this thing. And she near, and she had an exact replica made of it that was indistinguishable that she had to change into anyway. So she didn't destroy it. And meanwhile now at least one, I think two different like historic organization. like costume organizations have come out and been like, don't do this.

This is not what like we keep old things for for people to put them on and destroy them. Like, just make a fucking replica. And while you're at it, you can make one that fits you. It'll be fine. I also, I would, maybe we'll get to it someday. A pop history on Marilyn Monroe, I feel like, is needed. Oh, yeah. At this point, you know, because I feel like, I don't know how I feel about Marilyn

Monroe. You know what I mean? It's a tragic story. To me, it's more like a tragic story. about what like the Hollywood system and the American dream can do to people. I don't necessarily know that Marilyn Monroe necessarily needs to be this like icon

that people look up to and idolat. She herself was a good part. Like she was very smart. She was very smart and she was very sad. Yeah, she was because she was passed around and all these men. Yeah. It was like this gross thing.

So where we get into this whole like Marilyn, Maryland, Maryland, you know what I mean? And like the idolization. She has a lack of her fucking hair, like a crows. Creepazoid. Okay, not a real one, too. So that was the other story here that Jackie's into us.

Of course, she's amazing and still send us all the articles. But yeah, Ripley's gifted her a lock of Mara Monroe's hair. There's a video of it on Instagram for getting it. She's like so excited. But apparently somebody came out and said there's actually, that's not actually Marilyn Monroe's hair. that they have some specific, there's like,

because apparently that hair was said to have been cut by someone else and she went to a different person to get her hair done that night. Well, isn't Ripley supposed to have like verification on these things? Some kind of verification stuff. So I'm not really sure

what the deal is with all of that. And I think Ripley stands by their situation or that is authenticated. That guy just cut a piece of his ass hair off and put it in a jar. It's like, yeah, yeah. I don't know if it's worse of it. hair or if it's not. Because when I read and thinking it was her hair, I was like, man, if I die and some

person I hate got my hair and got my old clothes. And in the video, Kim Kardashian is like, I'm going to do some voodoo shit with this. She literally says that. And I don't know whether Marilyn Monroe would hate or love Kim Kardashian. Maybe they would get along great. Maybe, but it's just like, right, I feel like the idea that Marilyn Monroe, the kind of like, you know, like, it's like, what word am I looking for? It's not like dehumanizing exactly, but it's like the dehumanizing. of like she's a god and it's like okay first of all she was like you said hold she was just like you know abused by all these like powerful men and like if she was like a really interesting and brilliant and creative person like totally but also she like suffered because of the systems that she

was a part of they didn't want her to be clever in the in the you know that wasn't what they wanted her to present even though she was very smart and I think that's what made her sad you know because they're like no just shut up and do the thing you're like oie, ooh. Right. Right. Yeah, totally. No.

Those exact noises that she really did. Yes. Yes, I'm so, all right, you're getting me all around. All right, come on. Happy birthday. Mr.

Well, and the dress being from that, again, it's like, and then they're trying to make that event. And if I'm talking idiotically, I'm sure somebody will hit DM me and correct me, but like, isn't the whole thing behind that that she's like seducing

the President of the United States of America because she'd been having an affair with him behind Jackie O's Back who was probably at the event. I mean, I talked about this last week, but still, it's like... I don't know if it's real or not. I know that that is the story, but I don't know if that actually happened.

Right, but isn't it still a little, you know, even if they weren't having an affair, like she's seductively singing this song to this pre-op, very clear, definitely married man president, JFK, you know what I mean? And I'm pretty sure shit was going to do. because that's like definitely the thing everybody says

about that time period of those two. I guess. What are you more into it? What do you want more Natalie, a Jackie O or a Marilyn Monroe? Where are you at? I'm a Jane Mansfield all the way, baby. Okay, there you go.

MJ. Where are you going? Freddie Kruger or Jason? I'm a Freddie Kruger. All right, yeah, that makes sense. Jason's kind of a big lug, right? But he's got a fucking tree trunk down there. Freddie Krueger's.

His kills are more creative, you know? Yeah, I like a more creative kill. I actually like the Jason movies better. I don't like the Freddie Krueger movies as much, but I think if I were to be one. Also, isn't there a whole thing about... Oh, date one. Yeah, yeah.

That it's adjacent. But I would... Yeah, probably. Three really meaningful long dates and then decide, you know what? If there's something just a little off, we're not going to move forward. Like, that's the scenario. I think I'd go Kruger.

He made me laugh. He's so funny. Well, he's a child molester. That's true. But that's kind of funny too. What do you think? No, I'm just kidding. That was added, though.

He wasn't originally a child molester. That was later on in the series. They added that in. He needs more ump. His fucked up faces and claw hands aren't scary enough. He needs a little more going on. And wait, before we move out to Maryland Monroe, one last spot. Shoehorn the most ridiculous segue in.

I'm so sorry. I could tell you we were really gearing up. towards a really good segue. But I, and so I'm sure that listeners know more about this, but is it, like, I feel like there is this thing where it's like Marilyn Monroe and her, like, plus size boldness. But it was like because beauty standards back then were so fucked. Yeah.

That, like, what was a size 12 back then as a size fucking four now or something? Right. And as evidence by Kim Kardashian being like, I needed to starve myself to get into this. Like, I feel like not to take away Marilyn Monroe as like a, like, yes, queen, have a, different body, like, hero that she is. I think that's cool. But it's, I think the idea that she's like, that it was like, oh, she was just so bold and big

and beautiful. Like, she was still oppressed by this horrific system, right? Right. Oh, totally. And also, it's very funny that that came about because it really, I think that had more to do with the heroin chic popularity of the 90s and 2000s, where women were encouraged

to be so emaciated that Marilyn Monroe's breasts and ass were like, Oh, but look at her. She's a real woman because she was never actually big. But in that time period, it was just that, like, big boobs and butts were more popular. And then we got to the time when it was like, no boobs, no butts. Those are bad.

Yuck. And so she became an icon for, like, boobs and butts are hot. Yeah. I mean, so that's great. And I don't want to take that away from her. But very unrealistic body standards. Right, right. And, like, still part of a bigger problem.

She had to be sewn into that dress. I mean, it's just ridiculous. that we're trying to wear it. Regardless, though, what's not ridiculous that someone would wear on them. You can do it. Where are you going? I'm wary of this segue.

Drake flipped out on a troll and followed the troll's wife on Instagram, pretty much insinuating he would gladly have some sort of intercourse with the troll's wife. you know what I mean. And I think that's interesting pool. I mean, it's a weird comment. The conversation around Jake is Drake.

Drake, not Jake. The conversation around my co-host, Jake, is very interesting. Oh, that's gossip about Jake. He's engaged. He's a gays. He's so nice. He's a cartoon puppet three days a week. Very funny.

Drake, however. Never, never responds to a troll online by hitting on their wife. I think it's a fun flex that only certain people could do, right? And I think that's kind of, in a way, I'm, like, jealous of just having that power of being like, because if I, if a troll came after me and then I followed their wife and was like, hey, ma, I think is what he said or whatever, sup ma or something. What's it with Ma, by the way? Why have Ma?

I don't know, especially because he seems to favor the little young. The little, the young ladies. Yeah, which is why I don't even talk about him very much. He always has blind items. He's so annoying. I really don't care for him. I don't care for him. I don't like that Drake.

I don't like him. And I hear that. But yeah, so he guess, I guess this guy gave him a troll comment about having ghost writers, which he's known to have a ton of. And then he just, he said, I just followed your girl because she's probably miserable and needs some excitement in her life. And then he DM'd the girl, by the way. So if it was just to post on a comment or something like that, that'd be one thing. He definitely wanted to see what would have,

but he DM'd the person. How bad was the troll comment? He said, you like ghost riders. Yeah, he said your son probably play with ghost riders because Jake said something about his son playing basketball. He does the thing. It's like, Drake, you played yourself yet again because in your ever-present quest to not look like a big little shit

that everybody hates, you like once again, just set yourself up to look like. a little shit who everybody hates. You don't, you think that like, you know, people who aren't incredibly insecure are out here replying to their trolls like this. And you're totally right, hold. And it would be hilarious if you reply to your troll like that. And it wouldn't like, in a way, it's like that Drake is Drake so he can be like, oh,

I'm balloon your girlfriend. And if you did it, it would read differently. On the other hand, it's like, Drake, this is just so sad, bro. Like you are just so sad and so. I actually feel like it's like much less, it's much more of a power move, you know, to not be like, oh, fuck your girlfriend, you know? Oh, yeah, 100%. To act like you don't exist as a much bigger power move than to be like, yeah, well, I'm going to say something to your wife. Fuck you. It's like, well, that just makes you sound like he got under your skin really badly. And it's not even that bad, but it's not like he even said anything that bad. Fortunately for Drake, the troll in question was Shrek.

So the girlfriend is voiced by Cameron Diaz, which is a pretty good catch. It's a good, get it. It's good, get. Absolutely. Jackie just said this because she's had hotline bling in her head for a week, which I know because she texted me about it last week and then got hotline bling in my head. So I think she was just thinking about Drake. And I don't know why she had hotline bling her.

That was a song was from six years ago. He's got some bangers, but again, not written by him. Yeah. And even the beat apparently, was this even a blind item recently? The beat is a dram beat, a big baby dram. And he apparently, like, didn't give him credit for it or this, that, or the other, and kind of fucked him out of a bunch of money for it. I think he should have just stayed on DeGrasi personally.

Yeah, even the whole thing. Yeah, is DeGrassey still a thing? That doesn't still exist, does it? That's not still. Yeah, you can be a teacher now. Yeah, you can be a teacher now. He created it, right. But he was in a wheelchair in that show, right?

You can still be a teacher in a wheelchair. Teachers can't. Wheelchair. There are no wheelchair teachers. I'm just kidding. What's next? He's going to bring in an acoustic guitar and then all the, like, the hotter girls in the class are going to, like, want to bang them and then all be sitting in the back being like, but me, though, I'm funny and I'm a theater boy, and we can kiss in the dark. Wait, are you playing a high school student in this scenario? I mean, you know, I'm me, I'm sort of me in both forms. Okay. It's kind of a mental experiment. Natalie, did you have the acoustic guitar playing teacher that was a little, like, you know, I'm going to say inappropriate when it came to the ladies. I was in most of my high school career, I was in the emotional support program, which

was the program for when kids act out. Right, right. So I was around. Well, you had to stop because you kept setting fire at all those old women. I had like three teachers that were always like very terrified of us. So that was not the experience that I am. That's kind of fun. Fear high, yeah, that's fun.

MJ, did you have the acoustic guitar? playing kind of. You're like, all right, buddy, we get it. You know, he's with a puka shell necklace. You mean like one of the teachers?

If you had to guess the teacher that was having a, like not an affair, was sexually assaulting a student. Right. Like that teacher. I've been trying to go back and do the autopsy on this myself.

I'm like, were those teachers flirting with us or did we just think they were flirting with us because they were like under 50? You know? Like, we're going to talk to you on your level. You know what I mean, kids?

I don't want to stand above your. I'm going to sit down in the chair. A. C. Slater's song, we're going to like hammer this out this whole English literature. Right. Totally. It is tricky too because in the time period, I did have a theater teacher who was really funny, he was cool, and he made me really love improv and Monty Python and stuff. And I talked about him for, you know, afterwards, I'm still friends with one of my friends from high school. And she's then like, yeah, he used to talk about my butt to me all the

time. And I'm like, God damn it. Oh, no. It's always like, oh, if they felt cool in the moment, is it because they were trying to sound cool to teenagers for the wrong reasons? You know, it's hard to differentiate in the moment when you're a kid. Right. Yeah, totally. God damn it's bizarre. But what's also bizarre is James Cromwell super gluing himself to the Starbucks counter for Peta.

How do we feel about Peta? Because I always feel like they do things that sometimes I think give the movement a bad name. You know what I mean? Oh, he did it for Pita? Yeah, he did it for Pita. Oh, that I don't love it. I just love it because it seems exactly like something that his character in succession

would do. Right. And I, yeah, and I appreciate that, you know, I appreciate that, well, how do you feel about, I mean, it seems like they don't need to up charge for the vegan milk a little bit. No, yeah, I agree. I think that's true. And also, I do love when an 80-something-year-old goes in protest, like the Jane Fonda's that are still out there.

Yes. I think that's fun. A hundred percent. I love the Pita's problematic. I think that the problem is that Jane Fonda has been consistently on the right side of history, and PETA has unfortunately been. consistently on the wrong side. I think that politically I very much support veganism,

but it's just PETA just steps in their own shit at every turn. Right. And so I did not realize it was for them. I thought it was just because he was an old. Yeah, they're like the Marilyn Monroe dress wearer of like organizations fighting factions. You know what I mean?

It's just sort of like, I get what you're trying to do, but you're just laming it up at every turn in order to do so. Yeah, they're bad. PETA is the one wearing the dress. and the dress is made of mistakes. Yes, the dress is like a bunch of weird stunts that you just go like, did you have to do all? Like, could we not have done this in a way that was a little,

I get that you're trying to get attention, but it seems like you're doing it in the queen baby way. Like in a way that's not going to get anybody else to be vegan. That's always to me the thing. It's like, if you're doing publicity stunts and stuff like this, my question, you should ask yourself, in my opinion, is this helping or is this just about attention? And I will say, like, I think that it was probably a PETA video that, like, helped me along the way when I went vegan in high school.

But, like, so they might, but again, it's not, it's not a good long term. Shock is not really a long-term organizing strategy. Yeah. Like, you know, and I feel like, you know, I think the main thing with PETA is that they're always making, like, slavery analogies. And, like, they're consistently stepping in it specifically in a way that involves, like, racism. Yeah. And, like, other, you know, kind of, like, tapping into. to, I don't know, like, I remember that Pamela Anderson was, was, did some stuff with them

that, that, I thought was really cool and hot. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Like, totally. But they're just like, they are like, and, and when people criticize them rather than being like, oh, you're right, maybe we shouldn't make a slavery comparison because, like, that's something really specific and, uh, not something to just, like, be used lightly. Then they're like, well, you don't take animals suffering seriously.

And it becomes like a, yeah. Yeah. So they, they, it's sort of like, they become victimized. with it. They're like, why are you attacking us? Right. And it's like, maybe you made this, I don't know what you're talking about because remember it was a campaign where it was like, I'd rather go naked than wear fur, and it was like different celebrities

being naked. And that was cool. I thought that was a fun campaign, but then yeah, the crazy ones. It reminds me, some of their stuff reminds me of what Kisle used to have to do as like baby with the evangelicals and hold the fetus, the mutilated fetus posters out. Right, right, right. Yeah, that was that weird one where it was like, that whole campaign where I'd rather take a big shit in this guy's mouth than wear fur. And then it's like, I don't want to,

and then they're showing you video of scat play, I think. And I was just like, how does this even? I think that might have been a targeted ad for you, Holden. There's a reason it was showing up. You won't last five minutes without orgasming over this PETA video. And I was like, God, good Lord. I don't know how I did this kind of thing. You'll come and you'll stop wearing fur.

Wow, what a two birds with one stone. Am I right? Well, actually, you don't want to kill the birds, though. it's Pita, right? James Cromwell is being an old crotchety weirdo, that I support. Yeah, totally. Agreed.

Yeah, for sure. What an old man's name, too. James Cromwell. You cannot get older man. You know, it's weird with names sometimes where I'm like, how are you a child with that name? I know. You know, like, there's no boy in that name.

I'm James Cromwell. Yeah, he has that look where I've never seen him not old. He's one of those actors, too. Or you've just only seen him. Born old. Yeah, yeah, for sure. You're old. Speaking of feeling old,

celebrated my first Mother's Day this past Sunday. So fun. With my lovely Alexis, my wife, my mama. That was fun, man. I was like, you know, I feel like when it comes to big events like that, I'm like, oh, here we go. Another thing I got to stress out about, you know what I mean? And then, like, I got to the day.

And I was like, oh, wow, this is like serially cool. How did you do anything, MJ, or do you guys just, in this point, are you guys just over? No, I think, well, so the problem was, I really played myself. I don't know why I'm using

that phrase so much on this episode. Wow, you play, because you keep playing yourself. I'm playing yourself. You ought to use the stupid fucking phrase. I played myself. I played myself because I... I played myself today.

It's more giant cash a song at this point. So, I, my child's fourth. birthday is right before mothers. My child, I became a mother right before or a parent right before Mother's Day, which led to my first Mother's Day just being like, just very, very I couldn't imagine. Yeah, just being like, we would not have had a fun Mother's Day at all if Mother's Day had happened within the first three months of when he existed. In fact, we'd be like, I'm so sorry you're a mom, you know what I mean? It was just hell. Those months were, I think people need to hear that more.

those first three months are fucking hell. So either if you've, uh, know someone in it or you're about to go into it, just know their hell. And if you're in it now and you're like, I don't like this very much. That's okay. Yeah.

Yes, it totally gets better. Not enough people gave me that fucking memo. And like, I think unanimously everybody like had a kid recently around the same time. We're all like, yeah, the first three fucking sucked. You know what I mean? You just got to get those through those first three months. months.

Yeah. It's just, ah, you know what I mean? You're like, I don't know how to hell, I can't do it. You know what I mean?

It's a gym's house. It's just saying it's in other people's house. It's, so my first Mother's Day was like only, and remember, we were in the hospital for like a week after she was born.

So it was like we had just gotten from the hospital. So Mother's Day has always just been like a, oh, this reminder of this intense trauma. And, but also now I'm like, as we get further, as, you know, my first kid gets older and we get further.

from the intense trauma that was like me getting very sick during her birth. Like I am more able to enjoy her birthday and she had a fantastic birthday. It was so fun. And so her party was on Mother's Day. And so we wanted to do the thing, which we are not holding. You'll be there in just a little bit. We're like, well, we can't just invite a few people. We have to invite your whole class.

So we invited the whole class, but I was like, okay, it's Mother's Day. Obviously, if the whole class comes, it'll be fine. It's a very small class. But it would be great. It's not the entire preschool class comes to our house. two. And so we had a great time. It was actually extremely fun and special. I'm like, I got a, like, being a, like, how many people showed up? I think there was six or seven four year olds in my house. Great. There's only like, you know, 12 or 15 kids in the class or something.

They keep it, they keep it small at that age. But like, uh, yeah, we had like, you know, six, seven, four year olds in our, you know, on our like little porch. And I being, you know, educator, like set up I like put out a bunch of chart paper and markers and stickers and like the kids just played it. They just played with toys. Was there a theme? No, no. Well, the theme was loosely rainbows, but the theme was also whatever theme you can get at the dollar store because I'm not making a separate trip. So it was like rainbows, but then also like frozen the movie hats and like Spider-Man napkins. And so it was the theme was dollar store. And so we had a great, great, great time. And it was very fun to see like, you know, it's fun to see your kid like be who

they are with their friends, like not who they are with their family. And so we had like such a good time. And it was actually a great way to spend Mother's Day. But I did not get the whole like, I'm relaxing because it was not relaxing. No, it doesn't sound like it. I definitely jumped in on that. My back is totally fucked largely apart because I was like, I'll do it all. I'll do the whole thing.

I did it all like a thing about all you single parents out there. I have so much respect for you guys. I'm adding it to my list. Everyone should have to be a waiter for like a month. everyone should have to be a teacher for like a semester, like even just a month, a couple weeks. And everybody should have to take care of a baby for one full day. Where are the babies coming from?

I don't know, but we'll figure it out. Well, you know, they used to have, so I was reading about this on Reddit, someone was complaining about how they had one of those babies for a week. Oh, high school. I remember that. I remember those in high school, yeah. Did you have to do with that?

Yeah, so they were like, wrote this whole post about like they entrusted their fake baby with their mom because, they had to do like a cheerleading, they had to go to a sporting event and do a cheerleading thing, whatever they call it, a cheerleading, be a person and a cheerleading.

Yeah. So they gave the kids, the fake baby to their mom who took it to her like, evil aunt's house who has two awful kids and she just like gave the baby to those two kids. And so she had like horrible brain trauma

when they like checked the baby because like they were just throwing that kid, you know, this baby around. It just completely fucking with it. Yeah, because I don't know if you had the same ones, but I remember the people in high school, like the baby would somehow record if it was, it was like almost a weird Furby situation, like where it knew when stuff happened to it or something and they would grade you on it. Yeah. So the baby came back as just like an abused baby. Yeah, that baby was like dead 15 times like because these two kids were just like, I wouldn't see if it's head fits in the fucking doorstop.

You know, I didn't even know whatever it is. But anyways, all that to say, I can't handle like emotional parent-related shit anymore. And that post that John Travolta made on Mother's Day for Kelly Preston was, honestly, a real tear trick. I know we make fun of him a lot. But that was like, oh, it's, it's, it's, that's sad. Your face, I believe Barbara Streisand sings that I'd never heard the song before. It's great, beautiful song. I need to listen to more Barbara Streisand.

I think I'm at the age. I'm ready for some Barbara Streisand in my life. I want to see funny girls. She just turned like something like 80. It was an age where I was just like, what? Right? Yeah, yeah, she's up there. Oh, yeah.

She might as well be a fuck. She's a vampire at this point. Yeah, she's great. Throw her away. I say throw her in the garbage. No. I would love for Holden to have his late 30s Barbara Streisand phase. I think that's a lot.

Also, in more not news, Harry Stiles thinks therapy's good and is weirded out by people talking about him having sex with people. I think that's just normal, not interview, interview stuff. Yeah, that sounds about just a thing that people mostly think. Listen, I will watch him do anything and talk about it. I don't even feel horny for him. I just appreciate looking at him. It's just like a pleasant experience to look at him.

I love his style. His fashion is really, is the nice part. Well, he'll never go out of style. Yeah, absolutely. That song was written about him. Taylor Swift, am I right? She dated him and wrote a song called, style and it's one of her best songs.

This is what happened when you let Holden host the show. It always comes back. That's right. We'll never go out of style. We'll never go out of style. Anyway, she's so good. She's got a big announcement coming up soon, by the way. She's got something coming out, I believe on the 13th, because that's her lucky number.

Yes, if we talked about this last week, we think it's going to be a pregnancy announcement. You think it's going to be an album announcement. I think it's probably just going to be her Taylor's version. A pregnancy announcement. But she also might be pregnant. Because she couldn't go to the Met Gala. And Holden was like, yeah, because she's working on an album.

And Jackie and I were like, um, do you think it's because of that? Does she have a partner? She couldn't go as a Fabergerge egg or something. Does she have a partner or do you think it would just be a servant? Yeah, yeah. The guy he was in the film, the favorites. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. How would I not.

You fucking idiot, moron. Everyone knows. Joe Elwyn. He's an actor. They keep their relationship very private. He got a couple of credits on her last two albums. I don't know who this man is. Are you more of a folklore or an evermore?

Whatever, Natalie. Don't even answer that. You're whatever. Oh, is Natalie in whatever jail? I might be in whatever, Jill. I'm just kidding, but I am ready to blow your tops off, both of you, all right? It's going to happen. Okay.

Well, actually, MJ's tops already off. Am I right, people? Here's this week's celebrity conspiracy. Hit me with the share. Do you believe in? Did 9-11 break up Justin Timberlake and Britney's, He's Brit, Brit, due to his farts.

I forgot how stupid it is. What? Natalie, since you've been on the show, you might have not known that the conspiracy theory is now largely come from the listeners. I will say, this is conspiracy theory number 92. This is how long we've been in pandemic.

We started them in the beginning of the pandemic. Wow. Yeah, because we had not as much celebrity news, but since this got fired, people write in with them. And this one came in with the subject line, urgent. Is this just sort of like they're making it like an AI bot would or is this a thing that people actually think?

No, this really feels like an AI bot was taught a bunch of celebrity experiences and this just came out. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I can't speak for this one. But in general, the ones we get from listeners are like. Yeah, well, you're about to find out some interesting evidence here. I think.

I mean, I don't know if they're wrong. Key you would. We believe. So this is, yeah, this came with the subject line. Urgent. 9-11 gave Jay Tipper Lake. Nasty Farts slash why him and Brittany broke up in 2002. Oh, my God.

Urgent is so good. I love urgent. Yeah, that's the best. Urgent in all of your stuff. It worked. I clicked on it. It actually got me in. You know what I mean?

All right. And then I read that line. I just was like, yeah, we gotta go with this. You know what I'm just sitting there fucking so lazy. Looking at this. All right. Hi, page 7 crew. Recently, I was reviewing footage from the 2003 Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards.

It is a fever dream. One of the awards presented by Cameron Diaz near the end of the show is for Best Celebrity Burp with Justin Timberlake taking the trophy for that year. As part of his acceptance speech, Timberlake implies that if he had been in the running for the earlier, quote, Best Fart Award, he would have won that category as well. A bold claim, considering that year the best fart winner was Matthew Lillard for the fart scene in Scooby-Doo. Cheers. Shout out to Matthew Lillard. He then linked the acceptance speech video. Oh, he just, yeah, that was...

Is that an actual fart? Is there a fart award at the Nick Joyce? In 2003? I don't know. At this point, it might be too problematic to do it in today's day and age. So yes, he linked to the video. I watched it with me own eyes. Joseph Timberlake did indeed,

except the best burp, but did say emphatically he would have won best fart. This wouldn't have caught my attention except since listening to your pop history series of British Outless Natalie. I have been haunted by the first. fact that when dating J.T. and Brittany's pet names for each other were, do you remember Natalie? I didn't remember, so it's okay if you don't remember. Crystal clown, girl.

Crystal clown and? Bop and Bop and B-boy. Bop and B-Boy, Crystal frowned and Bobb and B-Boy. I cannot believe you remember that. No, no, no. It was pinky and stinky, Natalie. It was pinkie and stinky. As a refresher, here's the quote from the 2002 interview with Oprah.

I have a ring and he gave me that I wear on my pinky. So he started calling me Pinky. And then I started calling him stinky for some reason. Ha ha ha ha ha. She laughs. So that's our nicknames. It was 2003.

Everyone knew the phrase two and the pink one in the song. Oh, wow. I didn't even think about that. I didn't even think about that. I'm sorry. I can't hear those two words in juxtaposition without thinking

about how disturbed I was to hear that phrase. is in 2003. I'm sorry. So that's probably why, but still, let's keep going with the conspiracy here. This interview is given in February, just a month before the couple split in early 2002.

It's hard to know for sure, but my conspiracy is that a change in diet or post-9-11 related stress caused Justin to start having some really horrendous gas in late 2001. And while he and Brittany tried their best to laugh it off workarounds may have become an issue.

I'm just realizing that 9-11 is, that's the only, there's no explanation. Yeah, that's literally the only reason people would have GI problems. That's the only way that they got 9-11 is to this. What could have happened before 2003 that could have led Justice Zimmerlating half-dixing parts? I know, 9-11. Why would you?

And like, urgent, did 9-11 break up Johnson? Terling 20 years, due to cats, the only is just an arbitrary association by this person. The idea that his stress, I mean, whatever, trauma lasts a long time, but you're going to get traumatized by Kari's that actually you weren't in Lower Manhattan, but you're going to get traumatized in 2001, from 9-11, and then in 2003, you're still living with that.

I mean, there's even a study on this? I don't know, but now I think we should, we should have one. Did everybody fart more after night? Yeah, the stress even cause gas? Like, we don't even know if that's much less did 9-11 give a bunch of people more gas? I guess maybe you could be stress eating, like, comfort foods.

You know, stress eating beans like you all. Oh, yeah, there was this ridiculous study. Did we even talk about it? If we, do we, Jackie did send out this study that was like, studies show that people who have, have like worse gas, have like worse depression. And I was like, don't we just want to think that like, when people are depressed, they eat like shit and therefore fart a lot more?

I mean, when I'm depressed, I eat burgers and drink beer and like fart a lot. Like, that's why you just, you treat yourself poorly health-wise. Yes. No, your bad farts are because you're depressed. Yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly. Yeah. So anyways, the her and his gas late 2001, while he and Britney Spears tried their best to laugh it off or find workarounds and may have become an issue or insecurity for the couple and served as a fulcrum for their breakup, especially after Brittany came so close to airing his dirty laundry on the Oprah Winfrey show of all places. I know the evidence is thin.

Dirty laundry because he was sharding. I was going to say, is that a shart reference? But trying to research this topic further has only puts a very distressing fan fiction and search terms into my browsing history. and even more distressing questions in my head. What world would we live in if J.T. had just taken some probiotics. Thank you all for everything you do, and I hope that maybe one day some solid answers can be found to this gassy question. Signed, malodorus in Minnesota.

Melodorus? Melodorus? That was great. I love this. Thank you. You're welcome. That is some. Like Q&N string theory shit right there.

I love it. We went deep. I love how it's such a strong theory yet with so little evidence. And I just have no notes. And I think it's great. I love how it was presented. And, you know, probably in 2000. Again, there was, you know, there was 2001 had a lot of ramifications for a long time.

And so I guess. I mean, you know, look what happened to glitter. Yeah. That's true. We were all suffering different ways. I feel gassed after doing that one. Where do you guys stand? Do you believe?

That's the real question. I don't care of what you think about the email, what you think about the presentation of the evidence, because we're not here to grade the presentation, MJ, and you know that. A plus, though. I know it's A plus, all right? I said the damn email.

But what do you think? Do you think that this is a three-parter, 9-11, gave Justin Diverlake gas, and that gas, broke up him and Britney Spears, thus altering the course of pop culture inevitably for the rest of our lives. Well, I guess, I mean, if they would have stayed together

and they would have had a kid probably pretty young. And that kid would probably be the ruler of our country now. A talent at the very least. And we wouldn't have gotten toxic, right? Because toxic came after that. Yeah. That's true. Or and we wouldn't have gotten Crimea River.

And I could do without that. What was toxic about? His curse. I believe. Oh, wow, there we go. I'm addicted to you. Don't you know that your toxic farts? Yeah, yeah, it's the farts.

I'm addicted to you because, like, there's something about the smell of your fart. I don't know. I'm reaching up this point. What do you think? Natalie, do you believe? I'm trying to think of some fart-related symbolism in the, every time I cry, if all I'll say,

but you are here, nonting me. I guess I need you, baby. I think that was her saying you can fart on my face. Yeah, and I think it used to be, the line used to be every time I fart, it puts you to sleep because it smells. Oh, yeah.

But then the guy, the producer was like, hey, Brittany, maybe we should change it to be something different, you love. You know what I mean? I'm guessing that's the way the producer sounded to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, Brittany. All right, okay, I'm getting lost in the sauce here.

It's a belief for must-ug. All right, it's a belief. All right. There you go. Thank you so much, the person who wrote that in, Maladorus in Minnesota. All right, I think now it's time for the list.

Oh, who's got the list? Hold on the list. I've got to have that list. Yeah, that's the song. That's the song, Natalie. Just sync it up in post. You don't know what I'm right. Post Malone, am I right?

He's not on the list. He's got out of my list. Wow, really? Yeah. That's awesome. I like Postal love. I do too. He's, his girlfriend's pregnant.

That's amazing. Good for him. Yeah, he's excited. I like that he loves Rose. Something about that just makes me like him more. Yeah, I think he's cute. He's a cutie. All right, here's some facts that'll blow your fucking stupid-ass mind.

Did you know the munchkins were paid less than the dog in Wizard of Vaz? They were paid $50 per week. And Toto and his trainers got $125 per week. And that's an interesting little silver lining, though, and his trainers, plural. So I think maybe there was three people involved in the one payment, whereas every single person got $50 and the other one. I hope you're right. I just watched a doc about the little people in Wizard of Oz,

and they really sexualized them as a whole, because there's all these rumors that they were having these orgies in this one hotel where they were all staying and everything. Uh-huh. And they were like, no, dog, sorry to tell you this, but it didn't happen that way. But I'll tell you what, I bet those trainers are doing a bunch of blow cane and fucking... Well, yeah, they were fucking the dog, for sure.

Yeah, and they were at least fucking the dog once. Christian Bales, American Psycho, is based on Tom Cruise. Bale called up director Mary Heron saying that he saw Tom Cruise on David Letterman and thought that energy would be perfect for Patrick Bavent, citing Cruz's quote, very intense friendliness with nothing behind the eyes. Yes, Christian Bale, drag him. Believe that shit. Yes.

I love it. I think I knew this fact, but maybe y'alls didn't. Leonardo DiCaprio and Django Unchained, when he flips out and smashes the glass with his hand, that was a real moment and actually cut his hand open and that is all real blood. And he just kept going with the take. And it was like one of those amazing, like, one shots of acting.

Really? Now exists. Yeah. That he actually blasted his hand open. And like they just kept it rolling, right? I would like to think that I would do that in that moment. I don't know if I would. I might be like, ah, ah!

Fuck! Stop recording me. right now at her. When I was at the vet today and a man dropped his coffee and then just screamed shit really loudly I had like

the most like whiplash reaction of at first being like so judgmental and like wow big reaction and then like within milliseconds of thinking about it I was like I would have the exact same reaction I have so many moments that alone in my apartment just some little

thing happening in me just going fuck Especially if I needed that coffee. If I really needed that damn coffee on that. Yeah, now you don't have your coffee and your hand is scalding burn. Maybe you want some sushi. The Code and the Matrix is made up of sushi recipes. All that moving, scrolling green stuff that you see,

all the kanji or whatever scrolling along there. That's all recipes for sushi. Wait, for real? There's kanji in that? I think so. If you like look, there's kanji in this picture of it right now. but I mean, maybe I'm wrong. But yeah, I think there's words and other things.

It's all kind of mixed in, but there's sushi recipes. In there, James Cameron, wouldn't you know? He's a crazy psychopath. Made the charcoal drawing of Kate Winslet in Titanic. He drew her like his French girls. Ew. Did she have to pose for it?

Yes, addition to a talented director. Cameron is a talented artist as well. The nude portrait of Rose and all the other artwork drawn by Jack was actually Cameron's work. Isn't that funny? I don't know why I bet. I don't like that.

Yeah, I was good. At first I was like, oh, and then I was like, mm-mm. Yeah, he drew her up real nice. Yeah, that's how I feel like he would be talking when he was doing. Oh, yeah, here's a shade on us. Scream was actually originally titled Scary Movie. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, there you go. This actually came from a couple of sexual predators. When Harvey Weinstein, the producer of the film, was listening to Michael Jackson's scream in his car, he thought that would be a better title. So there you go. Had to do with those two. Creepy men. If you listen to, actually you'll find out, actually we did an episode on Which the Bruiser on Scream,

so I'm pretty sure we said that factoid. We also talked about this factoid. Toy Story 2 was almost completely deleted. They accidentally, a Pixar employee accidentally typed in a command that erased all of the movie files. Thankfully, there was a one technical director that was on maternity leave. Hey, shout out to Mamas. that had a copy of everything at home and that was the only reason why

and single-handedly that one person saved why is there a button to delete everything? I know. You told us this a couple weeks ago and then I still am thinking about it like how I thought that that, yes, I have lost work and back in the day when my computer crashed

or whatever but now everything is on fucking drive you know so like is it really possible to lose everything? I mean I think that they now would have everything like triple back. to come out. I guess. It was back,

I think the 74, I think. It was right around Zeppelin's heyday. I think that it was around the space launch. Probably in the 90s, probably the late 90s.

So probably, I guess they probably didn't have any kind of cloud thing then. But still, why is there a button to delete the entire movie?

I think we go, I forget the ins and outs but we definitely get into it on Wizard. Check us out. Episode on Toy Story. Speaking of Toy Story, Buzz Lightyear's original name was Lunar Larry.

Now I've heard everything. Oh my Jesus. And, ooh, before that, it was Jerry the Creepant. Well, yeah, Lunar Larry sounds like Leaser Suit Larry, which is a perverted computer game from the 80s. Hey, come on. We support Leisure Searle's Southerty. I love it. I love it, but it's definitely perverted.

I know. I'm just kidding. It's a horny old man's game. Oh, I play the all of them. So beat him and eat them, but, you know, it's still pretty good stuff. Here we go. Any Atari fans out there might. know, beat him and eat them.

Last but not least, Gene Hackman was going to direct Silence of the Lambs. The actor snapped up the film rights to the book with the intention of making his directorial debut. After several questionable decisions, Hackman decided that he just didn't want the rights anymore. I ate his liver with the content beans. Content beans? Is that what you said? I don't know what's going on anymore. You know what I mean?

I had a mimosa of the first half of this episode. Oh, damn it. Now I'm on a lazy rip. What is it Mother's Day for you? Why have a Mamosa on a Wednesday afternoon? I had, we were like out of drinks. That was like all, that was the only thing we had some bubbly and some OJ. I love a mimosa.

Don't come back. I know, right? It felt nice. I like a Mose's a Mose. Bollini's a good one. I like a Bollini's a good one for sure. I like any fruit and a champagne. I'm a, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a, yeah. Pricks that's like, do you have any prosaqo? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, Natalie. and Henry, I feel like last few times I've gone out to know with you guys, y'all hit the Prosecola. Oh, yeah.

And if you put a berry in there? Come on. Oh, please. Give me a raspberry. Am I right? Love comedy writer Dave Barry. He's fantastic. Yeah, I like him in my, I like him in my drinks also.

I like a big Dave Barry book and a glass of Proseco. A real mom over here. All right. We made it through the list. And now we're turned in the corner into near the end. of the episode Street time? Oh, no. Yes, you're doing great.

Hold on. You are Jackie. Oh, my God. You know, I've got hands that feel and a mouth that taste, but I don't think I have eyes that see. I think I'm going blind items. Oh, we can't see them.

That's right. We're in blind item territory now. Oh, thank God. I'm back to like what I normally do. I feel like I feel like I was wearing someone else's like, blouse just. Oh yeah, no, you really transformed. It was a level. Take off your skin suit and get into the Holden territory here. Here we go. This famous performance artist says this A-list singer-slash-actress stole her ideas and rituals without credit or compensation. This would be a crazy lawsuit.

You don't have, this is like one of the only artist names that I know. She is a very famous performance artist. Oh, Marina, yeah. Yes, yeah. I went to her exhibit. I was talking about how there was that little corridor with the naked guy with the big dick and the naked woman. And they were standing really close to each other,

facing each other. And you could walk, to get to the next room, you would have to walk, like, kind of awkwardly in between them. And you were always going to graze some genitals. I went to that. But they also had a P-word way. And I went that way. There was a way that you didn't have to walk.

Oh, you didn't have to walk. The pussy word? I guess. I mean, I'd be more concerned for the, people being groped by... Yeah, they had some issues with that. I think they definitely had to... I heard they had to, like, kick some guy out one time.

Yeah, yeah. But that's, I mean, that's Abramovich. I mean, it's naked people everywhere. Who do you think... Now, what pop star do you think would most kind of like... Lady Gaga. ...into this. Yes, Natalie.

At a three-day retreat in upstate New York, Marina instructed Lady Gaga in the Abramovich method. A series of exercises designed to heighten participants' awareness of their physical and mental experience in the present moment. There was a, I watched this very interesting Vimeo video of her going like, oh, and she's like naked and she's like grasping like a stone. A lot of new, I was like, wow, full Gaga nudity as well. But it looked very interesting.

But who knows? I hope that this isn't contentious. They seem like peanut butter and jelly to me in terms of arts. What was the accusation? Just did the Aetla Singer stole Abramovich's ideas and without credit. Oh, okay. compensation. I don't know. I kind of don't really buy it, but I just thought it was like a fun one. I don't know if I buy it on either. I know, right? But either way, this isn't the conspiracy theory.

We'll get back to that some other time. Our beliefs don't matter here. Yeah, our beliefs don't matter in the realm of the blind. I mean, I don't buy that she was stealing necessarily. Right, right. I agree with you. I agree with you. But regardless, a kindness blind, I always love these kind ones, these nice ones. This permanent A-list, mostly movie actor who has been in two of the biggest franchises ever, orders two very expensive bottles of wine and gives one of them to the waiter or waitress serving him. Am that kind of cool? He also apparently was selling weed

before he got his career start. That was another blind item about him. He's older now. The two biggest franchise still today, essentially. One of them not as big as the other one. The other one exists in space. And ooh, he's great. And the one person's like, I love you.

And he's like, I know. Well, wow. Way to go with your hints into jesus. Fashing over the headville. Oh, I thought he was like, I thought Arson Ford was notoriously so stoned all the time that he was kind of mean.

Am I wrong about that? No, I never had heard. I always put him in the same category as like Tommy Lee Jones. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently, he does this very sweet thing, a restaurant. So I think that's a really cool. I love it.

But it also seems like, doesn't it seem like something a mean person could do? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm with. to buy the nicest bottle of wine for the worker. You know, it is materially very nice, but I could imagine it might still square. Because I've also thought, maybe heard, maybe just thought that he's a meeting.

Or yeah, I'd probably be like, could I have the $200 instead? Yeah, it's like, I'm an alcoholic. You please don't give this to me. Expensive bottle of wine is like, I'm recovering. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, usually when I go to a restaurant,

if I have the money, I'll buy them a gun with a single bullet. Yeah. But that's just me. That's kind of my thing. Here we go. Superhero blind. Are you ready for the final blind?

You mice. Superer blind. These two from the Marvel Cinematic Universe who have starred together in movies and their own TV show just broke off their years-long affair. Yes. This is the problem.

I'm worried y'all might not be as familiar with. Yeah, I don't follow superhero movies. The man is British. Is it visual? and Wanda Vision? I'll take that. Oh, Olson. Olson?

Elizabeth Olson and Paul Bettney. I didn't know they had a little fling going, but they have such good chemistry in Wanda Vision and everything they do in the MCU. So, wow, that all kind of breaks my heart that they were together, but now are not. I can't think about Wanda Vision without just starting to violently sob,

so let's just move along. It's so good. Well, now there's more to sob. because they broke up in J. They did not find love in a hopeless place. Oh my God, what a good fucking show. Holden. It's a good show.

Don't you think, especially from like a parenting point of view, like her devastation? I loved that show. My only complaint about that show is by the end of it, it turns into like every other Marvel thing. Like it just becomes this big fight. You liked how it was weird at the beginning and then it got. I wish that they would have just committed to the thing they started with. We are fine with that.

We do not need another. like wizard battle in the air. Like we've got a lot of those. Like you could just keep going with this really cool concept and not like be like, oh but wait, Rugba.

It's still also that thing. Right guys? The thing you've seen in 20 movies at this point? That's why I don't really follow superhero stuff because I find the fights and stuff pretty boring most of the time

because they're very digital. Like there's no real stakes. So I don't really care most of the time. For sure. Well, there you go. Speaking of not caring, whatever, the blind items are over. Oh my God, we got through it. We did the whole.

Look at, look at y'all. Look at me. You did it. You did it, Natalie. You did it, Jackie Holden. I feel big and strong. I'm a big, strong man, but we missed Jackie so much. Jackie, if you're listening this, we missed you so much.

But thank you so, so much, Natalie, for jumping in and saving that poor woman's voice. Yeah, you were great. Thanks. It's hard being Holden sometimes. Yeah. You know. Say your side. Give me your hold and sign off.

What would hold and say off. Oh, fuck you now. A piece of shit. I'm gonna come all over your faces. Yeah, there you go. That's a lot better than I love my baby. I love my baby. I love my baby.

All right. It's time for the plugs. I'll tell you why you two go first and then I'll close it. Natalie, give us what you're the guest. Give us what you got. I have a show with Amber Nelson on LPN called Someplace Underneath. We discuss missing women's stories and exploited women's stories and a lot of cult-y things. It is really sad and dark.

But we also have smiles. And so, yeah, we have a fun time. Love it. You want to check that out. And, of course, we're going to be all at the LPN extravaganza. Jamboree. What do we call in this thing? Jamboree, baby.

We're calling it an extravagance. Nashville, June 18th at the Rinevergantz. I'm in auditorium. World Famous. Can't wait to do it. Please. Tickets are still available. Get them where they can be caught.

Almost gone though. We're doing real good on stuff. Fuck yeah. I needed to hear that because I hadn't checked in because I get scared about that sort of information, but that's awesome to hear. I was worried they're like, it's not going good.

And I said, oh, we can't see Holden. Yuck. Yeah, exactly. Then I'd be like, I need to get that gun back from that waitress. Everyone in Nashville was like, last pack. Oh, Holden's going to be there. Forget it.

It's going to be there. Twice. Oh. Awesome. Hell yeah. Check that out and check out Spun. It's a fantastic podcast.

Wherever podcasts can be seen. And out for you on Stitcher. Hey. All right, MJ. What do you got? My name is MJ. I love crime podcasts and, you know. What's this weird characters you're doing right now?

I know what I'm just saying about Spun. I like a sad. Tell me a sad, spooky, sad story. And I'll just be so happy. So I just try to support Natalie. And also I'm MJK Elkhad on Instagram. And I'll also be at the Nashville show. My first time, I'll be in at least five years.

I love it. I loves it. Also check out, all right, here we go. Twitch.com. Ford slash Holdenators Ho. Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams. I stream with Jackie on Friday. Jack it with the holidays.

It's awesome. We do it. Friday at 6 p.m. E.T. phone home. Also check out page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Page the number, the numeral 7 podcast at gmail.com. Send us your conspiracy theories. I really am getting a kick out of

a lot of them lately. Send us your shoutouts that we're about to do. All of those things. And just the general FYI emails are also like amazing and thank you so much for that. Also, Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast for weekly bonus content for just $5 a month. So much stuff pumping out on there. Jackie reads books. Jackie and I do a thing called Talking TV.

We also, for $10 a month, you can join us for our Jersey Shore watch along every Thursday on Discord. So fun. Oh my God. Pull up a margarita and a joint and sit with us for an hour and a half while we watch two episodes of Jersey Shore every Thursday at 5 p.m. PT, the best. And I think that's about it. miss you come back.

But until then, I think it's time to close this out with the shout-outs. Shout, shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote in about. Come on. We'll read them to you. Come on. I love my baby. Hey, everybody, Holden here, stepping in for Jackie to read you some.

Shoutouts. I'm sorry she can't do it this week. She cannot speak. She has a mouth, but she can't scream. She really needs to be on vocal rest, so I'm happy to jump in for her here. Let's get into it. Hello, page seven. My name is Desiree. My actual name's hold it, but this is a shout out from Desiree. And I am writing to you as my husband, Joe, has a birthday coming up on May 16th. I'm hoping it isn't too late, and this is how I get a shout out. This is how you get a shout out. He is a loyal fan of all. the LP in Network, specifically, the last podcast, Roundtable of Gentleman and page seven. He loved, what about which the bruiser, huh? No, I'm just kidding.

He loves all of the members, but Jackie holds such a special place in his heart. Every Sunday, we do our chores, and he turns on the best podcast, which is generally us catching up with page seven. His favorite part are the shoutouts. He loves how genuine you are towards your fans. Jackie, oh, no, I'm reading this. I promise she will hear this. I promise she will hear these words that I am saying.

and she might be not saying them out loud, but I assure you this will be played for her ears. And he tears up almost at least once every time you do them. The last year has been tough on Joe. Without much detail, he broke his collarbone in March. That's awful. Needed surgery. And then he broke his pinky last week.

Collarbone's the worst, dude. It's just like, they can't even really like. It's not like you go put a cast on a collarbone. And may need surgery again. Not only did he break all his bird bones, his favorite band, E-T-I-D, which has been together for 20 years, had a pretty messy and online split, and he was devastated. I just want him to know what a good person he is and that he deserves the world.

It would mean so much to me and him if Jackie could send him a sweet shout-out. Ah, because it's killing me. I know, I get it. We'll have her do it over again next week. This is part of his birthday gift, which includes me joining the page of a Patreon and some sweet L-P-O-T-L-Gear. which truly never disappoints. We love you guys. Thanks for reading this and for being the highlight of our week. You're welcome from Rachel. Omji, hi, Jackie. Hey, it's me, Jackie. Well, what's up? I started listening to Page 7 sometime in the fall of 2021. I started all the way at the beginning

and I'm now caught up and boy was it a wild ride. I'm a biochemistry PhD student so I would binge through multiple episodes per day as I'm working in the lab. It's been a rough past year with moving to a new state away from all of my friends and family. That's the worst, Rachel. I know how hard that can be. My amazing grandma passing away just days before I had to move, my amazing aunt being diagnosed with dementia and just the overwhelming stress of being a PhD student while suffering through my 20s. I don't want to sound negative. I do have so much to be thankful for as well. I have amazing friends and a family, a hot husband, my two dogs and two ferrets, and of course, page seven. You guys always made me laugh, and I love when you talk about how much of

should show your 20s where absolutely they were, because it makes me feel like I'm not alone. Side note, I also love when you talk about your tall butt crack because I have a friend shock that also talks about her tall butt crack and the necessity of all things high-waisted. So it always makes me laugh. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you, Jackie, MJ, and Holden for bringing a much-needed spark of positivity into my life. I look forward to page 7 and Riverdale Roundup every week. Jackie, if you can please tell me how much of a badass bitch I am, I would really appreciate it because I'm in need of a little bit of a Jackie shoutout right now. Perfect.

I love you guys. Rachel Lim. Rachel, this is coming from Holden, but you are bad ass bitch and you are not going to take it anymore. Rachel M. Shehers. I also love going by my drunk alter ego name Ratchet. Ha ha. Hey, nice ratchet. P.S.

If you happen to read this on air, feel free to shorten it. Oh, no, not at all. PPS, no pressure if you don't read it on air. Oh, you're going to definitely get a red on air. All right, from James. Hey, Jackie. Hi. Hey, James.

I love you and so happy to see you thriving. When I'm able to watch catch you on Twitch, I love everything you're doing. I just can't always pop into the live streams. I want to sit myself a birthday shout out. My birthday is May 13th, and it has been one hell of a year. I'm eight months sober as of the day. I'm writing this. Congratulations, James.

And besides making the decision to be California sober, the last year, I have moved into my own place, quit my soul-sucking job, cut contact with toxic family, and I've been working hard on working through childhood traumas to be a more complete person. Yo, James, that's awesome, dude. It's been a really difficult year, and as I approach the big three, five, I'm looking back and thinking, God damn, I've done a lot of work, and I just want to shout myself out and be proud of myself for two seconds for that. Page seven has been invaluable through all of this. Anytime I'm overwhelmed or despairing or just can't find any happiness in the day, I'll throw on an old Riverdale roundup or episode discussing Hollywood drama from three years ago and just think about nothing but celebrities and absurd improv for an hour. Thank you, MJ and Holden for everything that you do.

Hey! Thanks, James. JDMF 87 on Twitch. I think I've seen you around. Thank you so much, James. And I'll catch you on Twitch. From Sarah. Hi, gang.

My name is Sarah. and I am a college student at Illinois State University. This past year has been so difficult with the semester at an end. I thought it fit to ask for a self-shout. I've been having a really tough time, but I've finished my third year of school with all A's working two jobs. Your podcast has been a light in the darkness through these crazy years, and I'm so grateful for you, beautiful people. In August, I'll be starting my first year of student teaching,

something that is so scary, but I'm so ready for. A shout out for you guys, too. You are all amazing and wonderful humans, making thousands of people's day better and worth getting through. Please keep doing what you're doing. I hope all as well. Love you all so much. Follow me on socials, Mamas. Love Sarah. That's on Instagram, Sarah 6 with two X's 19. Sarah 619. Sarah underscore 19. All right. I'll check it out. From Vincent. Hey, P.7, crew. My wife's birthday is on May 31st, and I wanted to give her a happy birthday shout out. We have been huge fans of the LPN network since before we were even married. We now have a four-year-old son that has been

diagnosed with autism, and my wife has gone above and beyond to make sure he has all the resources he needs. At the lowest lows, she has pulled us through. She's the strongest, most reliable person that I know. Even with all struggles in our own life, she still manages to find the energy to go out of her way to help others. She never ceases to amaze me. Happy birthday, Brittany, you are truly beautiful on the inside and out. I love you so. That one's getting me a little emotional because I just did Mother's Day with Lexi, and I feel so similar about her and how she holds this household together the way she does, Vincent, so I totally hear you on that. And hell yeah, good on you. Vincent's wife, whose name is escaping me. All right, my name is Brooke. I have a couple shoutouts.

My first shout-outs to myself. I'm not going to deep dive this, but I've been really focusing on improving my mental health for the last few years. In doing so, I've been able to knock down my depressive. symptoms live more confidently in my gender identity and start to really make some good strides in my life. Congratulations, Brooke, honestly. I'll be having top surgery in the next week. Oh, hell yeah. I'm signed up for courses to finish my associate's degree, and I'm finally in a stable job. Isn't that amazing when you hit that time in your life where just everything starts happening? Like, this is amazing, Brooke. I love my job as a male carrier. It's really hard, especially during the pandemic and in Minnesota winters, but it's rewarding by getting to know and help the community.

serve. Oh, you're one of those awesome mail carriers. Honestly, my mailman is really cool. He's always, like, so friendly. Every time I see him, he, like, knows my daughter now. It's, like, really amazing. So I understand how important that can be. As I do, it does make me feel like I am more a part of, like, an actual neighborhood with a mail carrier like that. I'm at a point in my life where I'm actually looking forward to building a future for myself and not just doing the day-to-day functions on autopilot to get by. So shout out to me for finally getting my shit together and being proud to live authentically me. I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I know younger me would be really proud to see where I'm at now. That's amazing. I also want to send a shout

out to the three of you for being such an amazing, supportive, and hilarious crew. Listening to page seven has been a weekly treat for my ears and my soul. I was never one to really follow too much celebrity gossip, but the dynamic of your show, hey, me neither. But the dynamic of your show brings me so much joy. I can't help but look forward to every new episode. Y'all have been inspiring to me because you're so true to who you are and all continue to learn and grow, not only within yourself, but also within your relationships. As you know, most people have been having a rough time since COVID dug in, and it's been a really lonely couple of years with having to distance from most friends and family due to the high risk of exposure at work. I've thankfully

been able to listen to lots of podcasts while working on page seven, along with several other LPN shows, has always been at the forefront. Hearing your camaraderie, each episode felt like I was chilling with friends and gave me a lot of comfort. Hey, that's the idea. So, So thank you, Jackie, for your intro songs, your hilarity and all things. Thank you, Holden, for your wonderful laugh that brings me joy for being an all-around cool dude. And thank you, MJ, for your humor

and additional inspiration for me to live what feels true and good within my gender identity. That's amazing, Brooke. Keep being the wonderful people you are. You mean a lot to so many people for infinite reasons. I'm grateful for you, and I hope to give y'all hugs one day all the best, Brooke in Minneapolis, yo. Love Minneapolis.

Hope I can make it out there soon, maybe to do a show or something, and we can actually get that to happen. Lastly, from Stephen. Supp, my page 7 brethren, just sending you this message to make a shout out to a new way I found to make an extra awesome grilled cheese. All right. Now we're talking about language. Backstory, I recently became lactose intolerance, which I didn't realize can happen to you at any time. And my heart goes out to you, Stephen.

I'm just now getting back to personally enjoying more lactose. I had to take a huge break because my wife had to take a huge break because our baby has a dairy allergy. So we, it's been while she was breastfeeding. So it's been brutal to make those dietary adjustments, but totally possible. And fake sour cream and fake butter, not bad. I will say, not bad. So back to Steven. So now I can only eat dairy when I take my lactate pills.

So I need to make sure my dairy is extra fancy. Oh, hell yeah. Anyway, I found a way to make an extra fancy grilled cheese. first use Jackie's method of covering the bread with mayonnaise and grill it in a pan of melted butter. Of course, you have to. Then what you do is after you flip the sandwich, cover one side with a thin layer of Kins' Steakhouse Country French dressing. Ooh, flip it over and grilling the side with the French dressing for 10 Mississippies,

which is enough time to cover the other side with French dressing. Then flip it over and cook the other side for another 10 Mississippies. Your sandwich will be covered in a sweet glaze, and then when you take a bite out of it, It will be out of bounds and take you straight to Flavor Town. Anyway, I love everything from the LPN, not just the podcast, but I also love Murder Fist, huffing it, and Girls Are Remains? Hell yeah, Stephen. Seriously, you all deserve deaf shows and your comedy got me through many a dark time.

Love you all, Stephen. Thank you so much, dude, and thank you everybody for your shoutouts. Again, I promise you, Jackie will hear these, and maybe she can also say a happy birthday to you when she gets her voice back. All right, take care, everybody, and we'll see you next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

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