Page 7 - Ep. 452: Jubilee Is Just Dumb Word That's for Idiots

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout the finer points of the lyricism behind My Ding-a-Ling, YouTube Children's Songs, the definitely alive Queen Elizabeth II's Platinum Jubilee, Kim K and the great disappearing ass, it bein' MORBIN TIME ALL THE TIME, the gross creeping of corporations and military into Pride, Nick Cannon expecting...again. And in celeb conspiracy corner; Did Lady Gaga sabotage Heidi Montag's music career? The upcoming 15 hour "2 Weddings and a Baby" stream 6/11 on HoldenatorsHo, The List, Blindz and SHOUTZ. Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, we got to get these doggies. They're out of the pan. We've got to get them back in the pan. In the pan. We got to get them over to the last podcast network country jamboree June 18th, 2022 at the Riemann Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee. Come and check out all the shows that you love on the last podcast network. We'll be in front of you in our meat space and we cannot wait to entertain you and have a great time.

But for those of you that can't come in person, go to momenthouse.com slash LPOTL and buy your live stream ticket. You too can watch us perform our jangly country jamboree from the nudity of your couch. Absolutely fantastic. I hope you guys enjoy the show. Thank you so much for your support. We are so excited to be at the OG Grand Old Operator. Hail yourselves. Well, if you were ever wondering if Holden is pure evil, your wonderment would be correct.

Because recently he trolled me and my fiancé and his own. wife with a song that has now been in my head four days when I was a little eddy boy, my grandmother, silver bells hanging on a string. She told me it was my dingling. My dingling, yeah. My dingling. I want to, my dingling, my dingling, my dingling. And then it just goes on and on and on.

A little backstory, they were over hanging out, we had some drinks, and Lexi did put down with Winnie, but when he woke back up, and that was my turn to go in and get her back to sleep. So while I was in there, my phone was playing the music through the Bluetooth speaker in the living room. So without me having to hear any of it, I got to decide what music was being played in the living room, so I trolled them with my dingling. And what was the other one I did? I forget it was,

I can't remember. And then you also played throat goat. I did throat goat and I turned it up really loud. And then I wanted to do the longest pee from Adam Sandler's. They're all going to laugh at you. The album's not on Spotify. Only a few tracks.

But I also will say Kim Petrus, throat goat is another great one. Very weird to have pumping through the house while you are trying to put a baby to sleep. But my dingling is the one that really stuck. And the thing is that Holden forgot that he put it on did not realize how, I think my dingling. It just goes on and on and on and on.

And it's that over and over and over again. It's like the verse Jackie did just different versions of that verse. Is it like a child singing it? No, it's Chuck Berry, which is also upsetting because, you know, he's singing about his dingling and of course he misused his dingling to do some horrible things. To some very young women and girls. So, yeah, that it adds to the discomfort. One of the verses of the song, because I thought that this is what I heard.

Once I was climbing the garden wall, oh, and I had an awful fall. I fell so hard. I heard bells ring, but I never let go of my dingling. So you're telling you're trying to climb a garden wall while you're holding your penis in your hand. I know, how are you supposed to jerk off to the gardener? What year are we talking about? 1972. I mean, it's the kind of, yeah, it's the kind of old jokester song that, you know, I mean, nowadays, you know, we've got, you know, I mean, Wheeler Walker Jr's got, fuck you bitch.

You're not really going to get a good laugh out of a my dingling, you know. But back in the day, there was censorship. There was, you know, there was all sorts of things going on. So to get up on stage and sing about your dingling using double entendles was a big deal, you know. It was a laugh riot for all. eight minutes of the song for the entire, like, it goes on so, like, to the point, I thought it was going to end quickly, and I forgot that it was on, and I, like, went back to taking care of winning. I was like, oh, right. Like, apparently Jeff went so insane. It drove him so mad. He turned the

Bluetooth speaker off in the protest. Yeah. He was so furious because it does. It just is over and over again and I had to the point where I didn't even mean to keep it going like that. I was like trolling like for a laugh not to actually drive my guests mad. We were driven mad. It is what it is. Wow. What songs would you put on? And that's the other thing to troll the other room. You don't, you're not going to have to hear any of it, MJ. You're in the other room with the baby. And the walls are pretty good. I could barely, I turned throat code up really loud and I could just barely hear the beat coming through. My, my most played on Spotify right now is just an automatic trolling

of adults because it's all songs that have been chosen by the children. Oh, yes. I don't know if anyone is familiar with the song, Tootita, but that is the song of our house. Please, can you give us a couple bars of Tootty Ta? I'm not looking forward to this part. I'm not looking forward to this part of Bairdardot where I have to endure various art forms that I do not agree with. I'm going to fly my family to L.A. just so that my children, when he is old enough, just so that my children can introduce Winnie to Tudita. What's Tudy Tudy to.

What's tutita ta? All right, so it is actually great for children, but it is a long, another long one. And it's a procedural song, so it goes, Tudita, Tudita, Tudita, Tudita, Tudita. Tudita, Tudita, Tudita, Tud. Oh, my God. Thumbs up, and then you go, thumbs up, and then you start all over.

A tutita, a two, and then you go again, but then it's like, thumbs up, elbows back. A Tudita, a Tudita. And then you start again. Oh, is this the video? That what Freddy was singing? Yes. Because, oh, that makes a lot of sense.

Because it was like, what the hell is Freddie on right now singing this? Because I just got her hearing going like, I'm out back. Albao's back. I was like, why did she put her elbows back? It escalates. And it's great because she made like a 10 people do it at a wedding last weekend. Like she'll really command a room.

It's like it's the chochos line. Which I hate, which I also hate. And I was just listening to some of this song. First of all, I love how you're like, it's relentlessly long. It is two minutes and 45 seconds long. I'm kidding. Not kidding. Also, 72 million views on this video as well. 72 million.

I mean, the man knows what he's doing. It's perfect for children. Like, I mean, it's perfect. It's unfortunately a perfect time. But it sounds like some sort of grooming device. This is the final verse. Thumbs up, elbows back, feet apart, knees together. bottoms up, tongue out, eyes shut, turn around.

That sounds like a great evening. It sounds like some sort of, but you see you know that sounds mortifying. Don't put that in their head, Holden. Not when you watch the cartoon and it's just a cartoon, like a, it's a version of the guy who sings it. Yes, I'm looking at it. I don't like the look of this guy. Some about it makes me mad, too. Someone about it makes me pissed off.

And I'm sorry, that's just me. But again, I'm a chow-chow-ch-slide hater. I'm a follow directions of a song hater. It's exactly, MJ. They always feel like they are 10 minutes long. I always feel like I, oh, fuck this guy. And I always feel like I was just watching the final verse. Oh, now you did it.

You've done it to-a-old. My tingling, do-dy-ta. Yeah, where's the mash-up? That's the mash-up we need. Yeah, where's that garden wall remix? I'm like, Freddy keeps asking for these songs that I don't know. Like, she keeps asking for a song called like tomato, tomato juice or something. And I'm like, she's like, can you find it?

I'm like, I can't find it. She's like, keep looking. And I'm like, but you don't understand how the internet. Like, I can't find it. Like, I can't just keep looking. Just start, MJ. Every time, if Freddie wants a song, just send me the name of the song and I'll make one up. Tomato, tomato, oh, it's a tomato.

I'll just scream into the phone. You can set it back and like, oh, I found it. And then Freddie will be so, like, find it so obnoxious that maybe she'll stop asking for the songs. She won't find it obnoxious. She'll be thrilled. This is the thing that Holden, can you, just wait. Holden's going to be the parent of a toddler.

And toddlers, I mean, I guess Freddie's aged out of toddlerness now into whatever, preschooler, but like, young children, they just, they're just hardwired to like annoying things. And you just have to embrace it, you know, like, but it's, so it's just, and they want to listen. to the same three songs over and over, although conveniently one of my other... It's going to be a hard face for me.

That's going to be a tough face. I'd rather just say, like, I'll just... I'd rather they, like, try to smoke cigarettes or something. I don't, I can't do the... Just put out cigarettes next to the tape player, you know? Maybe I'll just try to jump them straight to, like, adolescence and just be like, but cigarette, you know, cigarettes. But you have some control over it.

Right now, Freddy's other favorite song is the song from the Old Brother Where Art The soundtrack, so, you know, it gets... Hell yeah. You know, it's the song down to the room. to pray, what she thinks is down to the river to play. Anything over and over again is going to make me go mad. It can be my favorite song ever. And then it dies.

Yeah. No, that's the problem. Don't play, actually don't play your toddlers, your favorite songs because they will kill them. Yeah. Murder them. Yeah. Like, they do everything else, Jackie.

What else you got for us today? There's lots of things on it, but now we're all upset. We're all upset. I'm mad about Holden's future upset. current upsets and I guess we just it's a roll of the dice of which one I'm going to pick but we I do am I just that I've just become that I'm just a cry you know I like I like pop culture I think it's fun you're a fun guy yeah you're a big old mushroom crazy I'm wiling out or like they say in the show that sucks on nym TV or whatever it is I'm just saying with a toddler you're going to have a

toddler soon and maybe you should start, I don't know, eating a bunch of shit to look young like Kim Kardashian is willing to do, apparently. I am trying not to talk about the Kardashians. I am trying to not send articles about the Kardashians. Well, now we're in this vortex of avoiding the Depp herd garbage and have, you know what I mean? And the platinum Jubilee, which I,

we will talk about the platinum Jubilee. We have to talk about the platinum Jubilee. Why do people. make such a big deal out of the royal family stuff. I don't understand it. By the way, the platinum jubilee is like a celebration for Queen Elizabeth excuse me, QE2, I guess.

Dude, that's not what they call her, I guess. Queen Elizabeth, 70, 70 years of being a queen. And so what do they do that put on a platinum jubilee? Almost all of which she's been alive. Yeah. She's, I'm absolutely, I know she did appear this weekend and I was the most upsetting thing

about reading about the Jubilee was that there are photographs of her, but I'm still convinced she's dead. Also, fuck, right the word Jubilee. Jubilee. Jubilee is just dumb word that's for idiots. It's not new Jubilee. What's confusing about the word Jubilee is that it also means something good, which is like a forgiveness of debt.

So there was a movement a couple of years ago called the Rolling Jubilee, which was like a movement to try to abolish medical debt and student debt. And so I kept, for all weekend, I kept reading about the platinum Jubilee. I was like, is the queen abolishing debt? The UK. Dude, please, then I would throw her a parade. If you ever do that, I'll throw you a parade every day. Yeah.

I don't understand. But I guess I don't know why for her. It just means like a big party just for me that I won't attend. No, her hologram attended it. Her hologram attended it. She's dead. She's dead. I think that she's dead.

Again, she did appear. There are photographs of her from this weekend. I think she must not be dead. propped up. She's been stuffed or there's a double. Yeah, at this point, or a double, because this point, you could easily Mrs. Stoutfire the queen. I mean, she's mostly wig and hat and, you know, weird old lady dress. You know what I mean? I mean, she's barely, you barely can make out anything, you know, she looks like a wax figure.

We do sound very American in this conversation, by the way, but it's hard when it's called the Platinum Jubilee. And the fact that they put a hologram of young Qie, in the I want to say Cabbage Patch is the only word that's coming to my mind. The carriage, the Cinderella carriage, right? Yes, the cabbage patch.

It's because it was a pumpkin in Cinderella. That's why I'm thinking cabbage patch. That's why I've not gone mad. The Platinum Jubilee. And they put a hologram of young QE2 inside of the cabbage patch. That's the creepiest part. Why do they hologram a young version of her?

Like, isn't the point of a hologram? I mean, I guess you really mostly do it with people who are already dead, right? Or like a young version of her making out with the old version of her. Why can we have the resources? Why can't we provide what we've all secretly desperately wanted, which is some sort of queen on queen 69 or something like that. There you go, 69 plus one for the platinum jukey. And that's QE2.

It's QE2, but it's squared. And so then they're together. And I think that that sounds like a lot of fun. Exactly. You get, yeah, just a number one and then plus and then the young and the old queen 69ing and some beautiful celebration. But instead, no, it's a Jubilee. We ought to watch a bunch of soldiers march. I mean, what are we doing here? What, you know, what is this the old? No one's entertained by that anymore. Back in the day, yes, everyone would be like, oh my God, people walking in unison. This is the most incredible thing I've ever seen. It's something else to watch. We've got IMAX. We've got three. We've got fucking, you know, Avatar 2. I mean, this is, we're in the future. We are yelling about this, but we do get together with like 800 of our friends to watch the Thanksgiving Day parade every year. This is true.

Well, that's a true Jubilee. That's a jubilee. I mean, can we at least, this is a, this jubilee pales in comparison to the sort of, I just call them Belize. Oh, yeah. Then the belief that is the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Is there a snoop? B-float at the platinum jubilee? I don't think so. And again, that's still

impressive. Gigantic Goku towering over me. If that was at the platinum jubilee, I'd be like, oh, we're in the future. But instead, it's like a carriage and soldiers walking in lines. And we're supposed to sit here and be like, oh, how entertaining. It kind of sums up everything about the royal family.

Like, we all have to sit around and pretend like it's entertaining, and it's in no way actually entertain. Like, nothing about it is entertained. Like the weddings and everything. Everyone has to be like, oh, I guess we have to make a big deal about this right now, even though it's literally just old people being stuffy. Although I do love the picture of the two kids looking snooty. Have you seen that picture where they're like looking down out of their carriage and they're

all like, ugh? And they have like this nose turned up look and everyone's like making fun of it. Have you seen that? I don't even think they mean to do it. But I see between that and they keep making fun of Prince Louis for being a four-year-old. They're like, MJ brought this up earlier. I'm just talking about how people were like, oh, Kate Minnese. And look at your, like, he's a prince.

Control your boy, Kate Hittleton. He's putting his, he put his hand on his nose and did the like, yeah, me, me, ma, me, at her? And I was like, what year is it? Yes, so funny. I thought the same thing. I was like, are they still doing this in England? Like, how is this kid doing something from like,

it's a wonderful life, you know? Yes. I mean, it's, how can you be upset with a four-year-old boy for acting rambunctious in such an old-timey way? especially after hours of Jubilee in. There's only so many hours of four-year-old. I mean, you have a four-year-old, MJ. How many hours can Freddie Jubilee for?

Oh, my God. If I brought by a four-year-old to the Jubilee, we would be escorted out. Right? Like, do you remember how hard it was just to get through, like, I don't know how you guys did it, but just to get through that, like, hour-long Christmas Eve church service

felt like an eternity of horrors. And that was just, one event once a year. I was worried I would calcify into stone. I was like, may as well. Am I the gargoyle now, dog? Because I certainly feel like it. Counting the seconds.

Over the weekend, we were at a wedding outdoors in the park, and we still almost ruined it, like much less. We were at an event with the queen. I mean, you know, thank God for the crown, because I usually have a problem where I look at rich people and no, Despite my politics, I look at them and I think I want to be them. I want to live that life and that looks fun. And thanks to the crown, I now know that absolutely nothing about the royal family is fun.

It's not like Succession, where you look at Succession, you're like, ooh, that's bad, but secretly I want it. Like, you look at the Royals and you're just like, nothing about this is fun. This would suck. Because one thing I absolutely hate is, like, being forced to sit through very long dinners and like, oh, my God, my last day job. They, you know, a couple times a year, it'd be like a holiday thing. I'd be like, all right, we're going to do lunch. We're going to do a big lunch. They've ever been in the office.

It was only like 13 of us in the office. It was like a small office. And so we're going to do this big lunch. And then you get to go home after. And when I found that, I was like, oh, this is the best thing ever. We're going to go have a nice lunch. It's going to be great. And then we get to go home after.

So it's like a half day. It's like I barely work today. No, that lunch was like four plus hours. Why? What do you do? the lunch. I've never worked in an office. I don't understand these things. And I didn't know, the first time it happened, I didn't know it was happening until I showed up at the office. And it was one of those days where I was brutally hungover and I was planning on like hiding from

everyone that day. And instead I'm like at a table like my boss and my supervisor and like everybody works at the office. And we all have to like talk the whole time. And I just remember being like, all right, it's just going to be like two hours. You can get through this. Cut to like four hours later. I'm like, what are we doing here? We've had appetizers, entree, dessert. Now someone just ordered coffee. When can we leave? And playing that game of office chicken where like it's all about who would

who would have the guts to get up first and be like, I have to go. I have to leave this, this lunch must end. At some point, it's dinner. It's okay. We're at dinner. You don't have to do it. You're not at the lunch, hold it.

You've got to get past this PTSD moment. It's okay. The lunch is over. You don't have to go back to the lunch. That feeling of, thank you therapist, Jackie. That feeling. Walk away from the lunch.

Of just being trapped in a social event that you're just unable to leave because of like a job thing or whatever. It's like the most painful thing. And like that's Prince Charles's whole way. That's thing too because we have. That's all. of their whole lives. All of their whole lives.

And everything's under the guise that it's going to be enjoyable. So it's like, hey, let's order drinks. Hell yeah, we're getting drinks. All right, cool. We're going to have some drinks at this lunch. Cut to two, three hours later. Well, I can't drink too much or I'll make an asshole out of myself. So now I'm just even more exhausted from having like two beers and then cutting myself off.

Now I want to die even more. I could literally fall asleep standing up. It was just hell. And it was the worst thing it's ever happened to anyone. I agree. It's the worst tragedy that's ever happened to anyone. And if you disagree, please DM Jackie. Oh, thank you because I need to hear it.

In fact, I'm talking about the worst thing that could ever happen. Yes, I am transitioning back into the story that I meant to bring up earlier, which is Kim Kardashian. Our royal family. Yeah, our royal family, unfortunately. The same ones that like in the same that I hear that, you know, in the U.K., they have a lot of feelings about the royal family. We here have a lot of feelings about the Kardashians, and most of them are not positive, like the fact that Kim Kardashian likened herself to Christian Bale when she was losing the

weight for the Marilyn Monroe dress. She likened herself to Christian Bale, saying that, you know, that's her art, just like Christian Bale having to lose weight for the Machinist. It's just like that, which... Well, first of all, I would say what he did for that movie was also... Horrified. really unhealthy and that terrible idea. And not a good standard.

And we shouldn't have actors to do that. That's such a good point. And also, lady, knock, knock, knock, lady, you did it to walk up some steps. You're being aware for the whole party. Don't even sit here and tell me you didn't do anything. Also her beautiful big ass didn't even fit in the dress. It was completely open in the back so technically. Didn't even accomplish the goal.

You didn't even accomplish the day. Because you can't make your ass disappear in three weeks. Kim Kardashian. Yeah. I'm sorry. Especially when you inflate it with procedures. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

when you make it big. But like, you know, I think this is so instructive because of course she thinks she and Christian Bale are doing the same thing because she doesn't, I think this is the problem

with celebrity, not to forget on my old man box, but this. Oh, here we go. Okay, a ball in. MJ's dribbling the ball down the court, down old man lane.

My old man lane point of you today is that I don't think I don't, it's like, okay, yes, Kim Kardashian is a businesswoman, she's an entrepreneur or whatever. She does work. She doesn't, I mean, she's a professional, rich person, but that involves some amount of savviness and intelligence and probably vision and whatever. So like, I'm not trying to say she doesn't have any skills, but like, to be a celebrity to her just means to be famous. So, like, what's the difference to her and Christian Bale? Aside from Holden's excellent point, which is that we shouldn't have actors do that. Christian Bale is an actor.

and acting as a skill, it's a job, it's a thing that is different than just being a professional famous person. And so for her to be like, these are the same thing, of course she thinks the same thing, because she doesn't think about, like, learning lines and, like, rehearsing, like making, she just thinks actors are famous people, she's a famous person, we all lose weight, we all gain weight, we all starve ourselves, we all, we all use language that's extremely triggering for anybody recovering from an eating disorder. Like, what's the difference between me and Christian Bale, you know? But I also think that you had brought up a really good point of the fact that, you know, with Kim Kardashian, if she didn't do stunts like this, what would we talk about with them?

Right. Like that is how she maintains being famous. And the fact that this dress thing, we're still talking about it. The, like, the papers. The papers are still talking about it. It's not just us. And it's why it just keeps getting brought back up. But then, you know, she says things like,

that she would definitely eat or she might eat shit if it would help her look younger. Now, we weren't recording earlier for Holden's other old man rants about what people will do to stay young and how it makes him angry and how you should just love yourself for the way that you are. He yelled about it for 15 minutes. I'm throwing money at it. I don't know what to repeat the opinions. I feel like people get all upset with me. I just don't, I don't think it looks good. And like when it comes to like the filler and things like that,

that it is like sometimes people go too far. And I understand. Or just sometimes we hit these standards of beauty where it's like, this is the new standard. And even Kim Kay's inflated face thing that's got, she's got going on. I just don't, to me, I'm like, I don't agree. This is, it's weird.

Sometimes we just go like, this is what's hot now. You know what I mean? Like, this is what it is. And it's just like, no, I'm, I'm out. I'm done. I can't. I'm not, I don't think it looks good. It's obvious what it is. And I'm just good. I'm just don't, I don't agree. You know what I mean? And you said that, you know, no amount of money can buy self-love, which is like, I think that to whatever people want to do to like feel good, to feel hot. I support as, you know, like, whatever it is. But. Well, would you eat poop, MJ? because the other Kim Kardashian news story is, of course,

her saying in an interview with the New York Times, I'll try anything if you told me that I literally had to eat poop every single day and I would look younger. I might. I just might. I mean, she is one of the people that has talked about using the stem cell baby foreskin, like facial cream or whatever that's really, really expensive. So it's like, she's already doing that.

I guess what's the next step? Do you think she's killed? Guzzle and come? Yeah. She's putting baby four skins out of face. Yeah. Family. Do you think she's killed for youth?

I think she would. Do you think she's murdered for you? Yeah. She'd kill for youth. She's probably killed. That's kind of fun. And this would be a good basic plot line to like a new human centipede as well. No, I was just, um, Tommy Gun or whatever his name.

That's who, that's like if I'm going to watch Kim Kardashian in a movie, I would watch her. Actually, yeah. Death becomes her. She should totally do that. actually be perfect in it. And y'all, if you ever watch Death Becomes her in a long time, and yes, I am talking about the movie with Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep and Bruce Willis and Isabella Rosalini, it holds up.

It's very, it's dark comedy about youth. Well, you know, I, you know me, I'm all about that morbid time. You know what I mean? I mean, it is morbid time up in here, Jackie. Man, the companies, just like between Pride Month and between what companies think they should be doing. It's so funny to watch. I have obviously yelled about Morbius, but I was yelling about Morbius before Morbius even came out. Yeah, I'm a hipster when it comes to hate in Morbius. You are a Morbius hipster. You, one of your big things that we will write in your resume that

will be a touchstone of your whole thing was that you were on the fuck Morbius train way before. Before it came out. So many people. Before it came out because they showed, they showed that trailer in front of every. Every single movie for about six months. And you know, I'm an AMC Stubbs member. So I go see almost every single movie in the movie theater. So it was driving me mad. And then they pushed the release of it.

So I had to watch it for even longer. And yes, this is my old man valley. I guess let me hooping through my sport. What do you hate more? The Morbius trailer or the Nicole Kidman, Welcome to the Movies thing. I've come full circle with the Nicole Kidman thing. because now it's great because the entire audience,

people go like, who, yeah. Like when she comes on and when she says the line, everyone cheers. So now I'm fine with the Nicole Kidman thing because it adds spice. It adds a community to the movie theater. But Morbius, so for those of y'all that, I mean, if you have been on the internet

in the past two months, you've seen the Morbius memes, it's morbin time. They've been making fun of the meat. Like, there's so many memes making fun of Morbius. So what does Sony? decide to do. They're like, oh my God, oh my God. Morbys didn't make none money when it was in the theater. So why don't we re-release it? Because everybody's talking about online. This goes to show. Besides, like, we're going to get to talking about companies with pride. How out of touch

corporations are that they put it back in the movie theater for a movie that everybody hates, and it made literally nationwide $85,000 for the entire weekend. That's so little. I love that they did this because, like, this is the good case we need to be making. Because I even covered this, you know, I did the Sonic The Hedgehog, the movie episode for Wizard and, you know, we're talking about how fans have shown to, like, make things better, like the outrage about, like, the look of Sonic in that first trailer with the human teeth and everything. Led to a full redesign, tons of money going into them, like, completely redoing the look of Sonic and completely reanimating him for the film. and ended up being a very successful situation for them. But then there's also the downside of that. A lot of people point to the more recent Star Wars movie,

The Rise of Skywalker, whatever, is being like too many fans having backlash about Last Jedi and then therefore kind of fucking up the direction they took the third film in because there was so many. Because Star Wars fans are the worst fan. They might be worse than tool fans. It might be worse than tool fans. We did talk about you and McGregor last week, I don't think.

the racist Star Wars fans. Oh my God, yes. To me, if you're racist, you're no Star Wars fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is awesome. I'm in my color and I don't like racist. I don't know. Is that supposed to be you and Gregor? Because I'm attracted to that.

I just kind of want to hear you read me a book in that voice. But for its morbid time, the whole joke, it's so funny how tone-deaf or how un just with it the studio was about this, where the whole joke was that it's such a boring, like, non-movie for so many people. Like, nobody cares about it or wants to see it. So the whole joke is that they're like, uh-oh, it's morbid time and everyone's going crazy about this big, because of how unfun the movie is. So it's not like people want to go, like, take that energy into the movie theater and, like, celebrate the movie. They're literally, making fun of how like

unwatchable. Nobody wants to see this movie. Yeah. It's not even it's just like so a nothing thing. It's like no one cares about this. We're in a world especially where we're oversaturated with superhero shit and Marvel and DC shit. Like everything has to step up and stand out. And this movie's just such a non-thing.

And then also it's Star is, you know, constantly being kind of derided as a constantly not good in comic book stuff. and being like way up his own ass with his cult and his method acting. So again, it's all just making fun of like how obnoxious the whole project is to the fans. And then instead they're like, oh yeah, put it back out. They're going to totally wait check it out. And then also, by the way, I think fans are actually generally annoyed to the Jared Leto

has gotten into the hype, the meme hype around the movie. Yes, because he's joined in. the dad, the dad joining in on the joke and then you're like, oh, it's not funny anymore because you're like, you're not, it's not annoying you or it's not like, yeah, we wanted you to like hate this. You mean to hate it like how we hate now every year? Holden, you made such an astute point when you were talking about how what companies are doing now with pride is exactly what they did with April Fool's Day, which made us in

turn hate April Fool's Day, which we had already hated and thusly then we created April Reels Day, and now companies are going so hard. Now, this has been happening for the, what, the past year or two when they go like this extent? I mean, it's been years of company trying to get on the bandwagon, but now it's such a worldwide. It's a Mr. Worldwide of companies trying to desperately get on the Pride bandwagon that it is ridiculous.

It's so ridiculous. You know, I sent you guys this list that was talking about, like, you know, Elon Musk put up this big thing for like, Tesla, first. pride and what Tesla is done, right? What? Tesla? Oh, Tesla, what she, even says underneath it, um, oh yeah, Tesla, on top of overseeing a factory accused of rampant sexual harassment and assault, firing workers for using family leave, and as of last week threatening to fire 10% of Tesla workers, happy pride. Fucking Elon must is like single-handedly waging a war on like the idea of pronouns. Like, fuck. Yes. Right, right, yeah. God. Makes a notice.

And this whole list, I'm like, I actually am stuck. Right, because for, you know, it's so easy to forget how recently it was the mainstream acceptance of, you know, gay marriage, for example, was not there, right? Like, I think it was 2010 when gay marriage passed in New York. And it was more, it was not, that wasn't even federally. I think federally it was like 2015 or something. It was like really not that long ago, right? But, like, there's been this, like, gradual corporatizing of, like, Citibank for Pride. And, you know, this is obviously offensive for many reasons, one of which is that, like, Stonewall was about police violence.

So the idea of, for example, the NSA or the military or Raytheon, like, weapons manufacturers all putting out pride tweets. like excuse me it's like in the rainbow police cars and stuff it's like what it's same with Elon Musk it's like okay whatever like if Chipotle like it's one

annoying thing for Chipotle but it's another Chipotle isn't like at its roots like devoted to the oppression of queer people the way that like you know these other institutions

these powerful like the military like you know and so it's just like to see the way that it that something that began as a movement for liberation is just turned into like this Budweiser has a transgender flag on it it's just like again there's kind of the harmless aspect of it right and then there is like the harmful aspect of it of like just you know there's more a Elon Musk is the perfect example there's more attacks on trans people right now in this country than there ever has been. It's like truly scary.

They're trying to take people's kids away in Texas. You know, they're like, it's, it's, they're trying to do mandatory genital exams for all girls. To make sure that none of them are trans to play on sports teams. There's obviously the whole don't think of game. Like, it just makes you want to distract. You know, it's really, really bad, right? Like in the same with the, you know, in terms of the, like,

And of course, I'm not talking about individual people in the military. I'm talking about the U.S. military as an institution. And same with, like, talking about, like, you know, the, you know, it was illegal to be a trans person carrying condoms in New York City until a few years ago. It was called the Walking Well Trans law that you were just assumed to be a sex worker. Like, and so, yeah, like, and so to have this kind of, you know, the rainbow washing of like, uh, we, we, you know, we hear at Budweiser, love transgender people, that's fine. But to have it be like, oh, this thing that now we all love. Like we, everybody can agree that pride means like be yourself.

And it's like, that's not what this is about. This is about power and oppression. And like, so taking that away and turning it, just turning it into like a corporate bullshit. To a burrito, you know, it's like, you know, I go back and forth because I think that like the target pride section is hilarious and I own several I have a couple of shirts from the Target Pride section. I got myself some pride vans yesterday at the Vans store.

They are sparkly and rainbow. This is the problem. And then we give it because I just love, I love rainbows, I love glitter, I love all the things of like what people are selling for Pride. Like, yeah, of course I'm going to buy it. God damn it. Ooh, you got me in your traps.

But again, this is the different way I think it's important to recognize It is for individuals versus the institutions, right? There's tons of trans people in the military, even though it's also illegal to be trans in the military right now. So it's like, it's not about the individuals or the individuals buying the pride stuff at Target, but the institution, the structures are, you know,

they are like oftentimes complicit in the, continue to be complicit in the oppression. And so, you know, that's, I feel like, that's the really tricky thing about corporate pride because, again, the funny, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I mean, you know, some of it is, like, that's fine. I mean, you know, some of it is funny, like, I, I, like, you said, you know, in 209, when the NSA building, they just put a, like, a, like, rainbow lights on it, and they're like, see? We're not evil. We're like, no. No, you are, though. So, it's so good.

But yeah, so there's also the meme that people are doing on Twitter of like, as a lesbian, I'm used to being unable to tell what is and isn't to date. Consequently, this pride I'm partnering with Microsoft Excel. I mean, it's just some of these tweets are pretty, I know Holden you hate the tweets and the articles. I know. This was a good one, though. It's very funny. with everybody. And it's a lot different than like,

I doubt the joke that the person said with the funny joke. And I think it's, you know what I mean? Like just some random. It's more when it's a news story and it's a bunch and it's like, and this is what Twitter, this is what fuckface McGee from nowhere land has to say about it. You're just like, why? What's their background? Why

am I reading this person's a fucking Twitter opinion? Whereas this is sharing in a funny joke of like, and this also speaks towards just how funny like social media advertising and stuff like that. has gotten to of being like, I'm this, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I've gone through this horrible tragedy of my life or whatever it is.

And that's why I'm partnering with, you know, some corporation. You're just like, ugh, and it's just so rampant. The best one for our show is, as a bisexual woman in a relationship with a man, I'm despised by the straight and LGBTQ communities alike. That's why this bride I'm partnering with James Corbyn. And I felt seen with him. So funny. So funny.

So, you know, we have to laugh about these things or else we're just going to like slam our head against the wall. And, you know, there's lots of things that we want to slam our heads against the wall about. Like Nick Cannon needing falling victim to a little vagina after the death of his son Zen. And thusly, when remember when I talked about him? Oh, my goodness. Don't do it. Promise.

Nick Cannon was like, I'm going to be celibate. But then tragedy. and he, it's just, it's not even, it's, like, I don't want to get into the tragedy. It's that he fell victim to a little vagina. This is his own words. After the tragedy. And thusly now has another child. So he's expecting two more children this year alone.

And this exact quote, the thing is, everybody saw, oh my God, this website, the thing is everybody saw I was so down. So everybody was like, let's just give him a little vagina. And that's going to cure it all. I fell victim to it because I was in a weak stage. I fucking pathological way. I'm sorry, I try not to tell. I try not to assume how I would grieve or what I would do in extraordinary situations. But your child died and you are talking about it this way.

You are a fucking psychopath. I'm sorry. You need a little vagina. And also the phrase little vagina really yucks me out. And I just want to say pussy. Just say pushy, you mean pussy. I just want to toss this in there too. If you have a website on which you're trying to read an article

and it literally just pushes the words down, down the page while you're trying to look at the page. You've got to figure something out. The whole point of the thing is it's an article for me to read and you're pushing the words down. So I have to scroll and then it pushes it up and it pushes it down. It is true that pop culture websites are like, they make your computer crash every time.

They're very annoying. It's insane. You can't read it. It keeps pushing it. But it's good because it's just, you only need about three seconds to get the, to get what Nick Cannon has. Like some articles you really should read the whole thing. If it's an article about Nick Cannon, you get the quote from Nick Cannon. And that's all you need because there's no context missing here.

Like, we understand the context. He is, I don't know. Again, I'm not trying, if he's addicted to sex or whatever, that's full. fine. Like, that's not even the problem. It's the bizarre way of being like, I was sad because my son died and then I needed a little vagina. A little vagina. I fell victim to a little vagina. I felt victim to it. Oh, it hurts. I just imagined also just like. So a child molested you? Is that what that is? That or just like a separate, just like a fully, like, I'm imagining the vagina on big mouth. I'm just like, Hey, guy, why don't you come on over here?

Hey, you can always use me if you need a little bit of help. I know I'm an outlier, but when I'm really sad, my penis goes up in me. I'm not. I get it. I don't get that. And I know that that's the thing people love to do to get over grief or like, you know what I mean, whatever. But for me, my penis just becomes a non-functioning thing other than to pee. Right.

I'm glad it's so weird to me for everyone to be like, Nick Cannon, you're like it's so sad because you're dead kid. You gotta get laid, man. Would you like to fucking rail me in the bathroom right now? Like, who are his friends? Like, you know what? Nick is just like, yeah, would help. He's been really sad ever since his fucking kid died.

You know what that guy needs? He needs to reset the clock. Like, what the fuck? Start over it. So crazy. Unbelievable. So very, very upsetting. It makes me, it's just the, man, the way he phrased it really, really makes me upset.

So, you know, at least we're upset about many things right now. Yeah. And don't worry, the Wopper is, they released it with the two top buns and the two bottom buns on each bird. Yeah, that's why it's gay. Like, what is it? Yeah. That's why it's gay, MJ. Don't you see? Is there a top and bottom joke being made there?

Yes. The two tops and two bottoms, but I, I, like, that doesn't make, what's the joke? It's called the power top wop. No, wait, that can't say that. Please, my people. I don't understand what, they're like, see, tops and bottoms. So get it. And I, I'm, yeah, I mean, if they really are like, this burger will make you think about who, how you like to get fucked.

It's like, I guess that's fine. I guess it's fine. I guess that's a fun corporate pride thing. Think about how you like to get fucked and then order your burger. Or do you like to fuck or do you like to, you know, you have to look at the menu and then depending on how you order, that's how we know how you like to bang. It sounds like a great Thursday night though. I'm like, yeah, sure.

I've been pretty down these days, you know. My kid just died. So when I go to Burger King, I want to see how game and fuck. Well, hopefully the celebrity conspiracy theory doesn't yuck us out quite this much. No, it's a fine and it's a fun one. There's nothing gross happening here. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it?

Did Lady Gaga sabotage Heidi Montage's music career? I don't know. Heidi Montag. What's her deal? Isn't she dumb or whatever? She's stupid, right? Yeah, right? But wasn't she like a villainous reality star?

I think that she's not good. I can't quite remember why she's not good. On the show. I know like in the hills, she's a villain. Oh, she's from the hills. That's right. She was the villain of the hills. I was like, I don't remember if in real life if she's bad,

but I don't know why I remember. Oh, was it Heidi Montag that ate the raw meat? Well, I mean, I know she's come out saying she doesn't like Jewish people. I don't know if that's what you're talking about. Did she really? Are you making that up? No, of course she didn't say that.

I mean, maybe she did. I don't know. Allegedly. It is Heidi Montag eating raw animal organs. That's her thing. Okay. There you go. That's her thing.

That's why she's bad. Is that good? Isn't that her thing for Pride money? Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's for fertility. I mean, if you're guzzling come and, you know, you're eating some raw meat, what a life you got. Eating poop and all that.

Oh, celebrities. They're just like us, and we want to be them. Platinum Jubilee. This one comes. from Shelly, who says, we have a weird one to share with M.J. and Jackie, did Lady Gaga sabotage Heidi Montag's music career? In 2009, Gaga and Heidi were both working with producer Red One.

Heidi recorded a song called Fashion. Her plan was to work with Red One and write and produce songs together. Red One had to get permission to record fashion from the writer, Lady Gaga. Gaga didn't give a fuck and said yes to Heidi recording. And then the drama. Heidi uses the song when she goes on the view. While on the interview, she claimed Gaga recorded the song for Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Gasp. Heidi says Gaga didn't want her working with Red One and basically says Gaga was like,

it's her or me. Red One was like, oh, Gowm. No, she's my partner for big things. Heidi says Gaga saw her as a threat and pushed her out. Do you believe? I believe Heidi thinks that, but after listen to both versions of fashion, I'm not sure Heidi has the star power Gaga does. Sorry, Heidi.

Maybe Pratt Daddy can get her some crystals that will help her manifest some success that she could get her own meat dress. They link the sources to this as well. Thank you, Shelly. Shelly says, thanks for reading my nonsense. I love you guys so much and look forward to each episode. I'm glad to be an aging millennial alongside you all. Jackie, I hope you have a ranch fountain at your wedding.

Hold' them, please demand an episode dedicated to the 1989 release because we need to process it together, please. I would love to. MJ, you're a badass parent slash student slash do it aller. and I know you can rid yourself of crox. Love you guys. Also, real quick, before we get to our answers, if you want to help donate towards the maybe having a ranch fountain at my wedding,

we are doing a 15-hour stream this weekend that we have not pushed yet on this episode called Two Weddings and a Baby. Yes, it is Ed Larson who is getting married, Jackie Zbrowski who is getting married, and Holden McNeely, who's got a baby. Baby. And if you remember, yes.

Classically, I was doing a 12-hour stream to raise money for that paternity leave and ended up having to go have the baby. So this is kind of

a make-good for me as well. You're doing a 15-hour stream this Saturday, June 11th, over on Twitch. com TV forward slash Holdenators Ho. Look to our instas

if you would like to be reminded and have a link of where to go so you can come and join us for 15 hours of us doing a lot. Now back to the Celebrity Conspiracy Theory. So what y'all think? I was listening to the Heidi Montag version of fashion while you were saying the Celebrity Conspiracy Theory and I agree with Shelly 100% that I think she just straight up doesn't

have the star power because this is like, fashion, oh, fashion, oh. I mean, it's so funny. It's just anytime anyone blames their entire career on, like, a song doesn't understand how it works. You know what I mean? Right. Like, it's not the song that makes, you know, Lady Gaga isn't Lady Gaga because of a song that got, you know what I mean? Or a producer or whatever, right?

Like, they are, they would have done it anyways. And Heidi, you would have, too, if you had some talent, nerve, charisma, whatever all this stuff is. Yeah. The idea that, like, Lady Gaga needed to sabotage somebody who isn't a musician. Heidi Montag's career, yeah, yeah. No, it's because Lady Gaga. Well, she didn't kill a woman, though. Yes, I was about to say Lady Gaga already killed Lena Morgana, or at least that's the

conspiracy theory of how Lady Gaga got her career in the first place, because she was working as a backup singer for Lena Morgana, when Lena Morgana fell off the roof. I don't think that she actually killed Lena Morgana, but it is a fun. That's right. I forgot that she does have, her whole career might be a house of cards. I think she drank a little of her blood. Death becomes her. Oh my God, Lady Gaga and Kim Kardashian. Be enough I would watch that death becomes her version. Yeah, I would watch that.

That'd be fantastic. That actually is exactly what I was talking about when I was saying what I think Lady Gaga needs to focus on in her acting career instead of trying to do this like Oscar bait shit. Yes. That is totally the kind of movie role. Keep doing like the American Horror Story. That's where you shine. Do broad.

Do over the top. That's what you're great at. And that's what we want to see you at instead of being like, I'm an elephantini or whatever, you know what he means. I'm off the deepest. Yeah. And that was good. And that movie was good.

She was good in it. But at the same time, it was kind of just her. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was sort of like. But that's fine. Or go only do movies about. singer-songwriter pop stars,

but I don't think that's going to last very long for you. But yeah, trying to do the Gooch was a bit of a newt. It was a nooch. But now I can't stop thinking about the Nicole Kidman AMC video set to, this was tagged for us on Twitter. I'm not sure if you guys saw it,

but it's like her doing her speech about the movie, the cinema or whatever, but it's just set to Lady Gaga getting railed in House of Gucci. It's incredibly good. So funny. Yeah.

Just getting railed and, yeah, Nicole Kevin's just, yeah, yeah. So good. I guess I got to look it up. So I guess, I mean, I hate to say it. I guess I don't believe, but just because I think Heidi Montag is just not talented enough.

Hmm. Yes. I like the theory, but I don't like Heidi Montag enough. No. But thank you so much. Shelly. Yeah, you're fucking welcome.

Well, I also thanks to Shelley. Shelly is the one of the baby in. So thank you, Shelley. Oh, whatever. Shelly's olden is. It's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

Oh, it's just little known facts about famous people. Now, I've heard this one before, but it always makes me smile. Robert Pattinson took an obsessed stalker out to dinner and bored her. He said he complained about his life the whole time and he never saw her again. That's funny. Which is such a move. I mean, I don't know if that makes me, like, doesn't. make me love him even more, but I think now it's just all wrapped up in his hatred of

Twilight and his hatred of the character, Edward, and that also just made me love him even more. But what a move! Take her out! Yeah, it's always weird to me the people who would, like, stand outside someone's, like, anybody's home or just they're trying to, like, do things out and about and, like, harass, they'd be so obsessed with them. And they're all, you know, celebrities is just like this, but they are boring people, especially actors. Yeah. That's kind of funny thing with getting obsessed with actors. Actors are like the most boring because they just like, all they do is fucking, they're like

of this clean slate that goes. Yeah, they don't know anything. They're kind of, yeah, they're narcissistic. They're, you know, and they're sort of like, yeah, exactly like with a musician, you know what I mean? Or something like that. You could still, but even them, I, I remember seeing this like old black and white footage of Mick Jagger and a couple of the other stories.

and like a hotel room and they're just being filmed and they're just kind of dicking around and they're boring. They're just boring people because like they go put it out on the stage. That's where it's fun. But they're just fucking, you know, joking around not well when they're not doing that, you know? It's just not, it's not like they're constantly just saying brilliant shit or anything. And they're not gods. They're just, they got really good at this one thing, you know? So it's like if it's like a person who talks for a living like myself, I mean, of course, you're going to sit down with me and you're going to be like so blown away

by the fucking just basic shit that I would say. I was going to say Oprah when you said talk for a living, but I was glad you quickly said yourself. Oh, me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I mean, I can't even go out to dinner with people because then they just become obsessed with me and they want to keep the dinner going.

And then I'm stuck in a corporate dinner, you know, the last eight hours. You know that you don't like that. You know what I mean? And I can't fall victim to a little vagina. You know what I mean? I'm a dedicated married man. Oh, yeah.

For sure. So whenever they're throwing their fucking pussies at me, I have to be like, hey, all right, look. I know I'm fuckable like the year is 365 days long, but don't come at me. Right. Yeah, you gotta be souping me trying to slip on up in there.

I'm really interesting, so whatever, Shelly. You're very, very, don't take this out on Shelly. This is not Shelly's fault. Shelly was the name of a girl in my neighborhood or I kind of had a crush out when I was little kids. Oh, watch out, Shelly. Yeah, Shelly. So I'm mad at you for,

for completely nothing that you, yeah, for literally nothing that you had anything to do with. For girl that didn't like me when, I'm talking like a boy, like a little boy. I was like elementary school age. Oh, okay. So whatever with you, Shelly. Go on. Well, maybe you should have taken that time and learned how to play the bagpipes Holden. And you could have been just like rowdy, Roddy Piper.

Because did you know that rowdy, Roddy Piper, say that 10 times fast, who is a wrestler, could really play the bagpipes? It wasn't just part of his wrestling persona. Piper was a real Piper from a very young age. And being all out of bubble gum, he kicked ass at it, doing well in international competitions. It's a weird line that was on the, that I just read. Sometimes, you know, as you're reading something loud, as I'm saying, I'm like, what does that mean? And why am I saying it?

But, and also, Holden, sometimes actors are very interesting, like Patrick Dempsey. Yes, Mr. McDreamt. me himself. Dr. McDreby, he's a race car driver. Driving isn't exactly brain surgery, like his character used to perform in Grey's Anatomy. Thanks, crack.com. Still, not every driver competes at Le Mans and Daytony. Daytony, as Dempsey has. I didn't realize that he was actually like an actual race car driver. That's kind of cool. I do think that is a more fascinating thing to speak about because, you know, it's like you put your life on the line. It's, you know, it's all the kind of the guts, the risk reward of it.

It's fascinating. You love that Formula One. I got to start watching it. It's interesting. Yes, I'll get into it. Yeah, well, the Formula One show is good because it's soap opera is the whole thing. Like, you get to know all the characters and all the drama and everything. It makes it all sexy.

So you're not just like, if you're not a big car person, which I'm not a big car person, obviously, you know, me and my cars. But, yeah. So it kind of gives you that interesting. I think it's good for like non-racing enthusiasts actually to watch that Netflix show because, yeah, it gets you into the whole like this person hates this person, this person left this team for the other team. It's a lot of like, will they, won't they with the teams.

That's high praise because I cannot get myself to care about cars if you put it. You know, I just can't do it. I'm not a car person either, but I respect it. I respect cars over like other things. like inflating your face. I get it. At least there's an interesting passion. And it is like, I like functional passions too.

Like, I mean, a car takes you, you know, it gets you around. Like it is, you know, I could imagine, though, I don't like things like that that are like really expensive and then I just take it and go out and destroy it potentially. You know what I mean? Like, I don't like that whole thing. Like, that's why I'm also not a big jewelry person or something like that. To me, it seems insane to, like, put that much money into something that could easily be lost or destroyed. Yeah, have an experience.

That's why I like giving experiences for holidays as well. Going and doing something. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, I give out blowjob coupons. Everybody gets a blowjob coupon. I say, I don't care what you got in your pants. You're getting a blowjob from Jackie, and it better be consensual. That's what it says on the coupon that I give out for Christmas.

So, well, Rebel Wilson's a lawyer and I know you were going to skip that one because you don't like her. I was 100% going to skip that one and I was going to go right to Abba's studio sessions. I need to watch like a doc on Abba. I feel like I need to know more about Abba. Abba studio sessions were so long. Their sound engineer says he'd almost pass out from hunger. They never left a song unfinished and worked on everyone as if it were a potential hit single. Two members, Bjorn and Benny, even took vacations just to write songs.

I want to, I feel like everything I've ever heard about Abba when they talk about, like, their costuming and everything. I'm so intrigued and I've never gotten into Abba before. But I think this might be the summer where I need to get into Abba. I agree, unfortunately. I think that there's a lot. I think that we might have to become Abba people. Right?

Why do you say, unfortunately, MJ? Well, that is, for, I just. You know. Because it sounds when you're scared and you're upset about our summer of Apple. Yeah, it sounds, well, no, I get it. It is akin to the, let's say it begins you down the path of accepting the sweet embrace of cold death. I think it's a true. Yeah, it's you essentially being like, I'm, you know, I'm ready for menopause.

It's just like, it's. Oh, no. Oh, no. To me, to be only menopausal people enjoy the work of the legacy. Abba Holden, but also theater kids, you know, I think it's a theater kid thing, which is fine. So that's not unfortunate. There's just, it just seems like a whole, it just seems like it's a personality. Yeah.

I don't need to change my personality at this point. And I feel like Aba people, it's like all, you know, it's like being a Christian or something. It's a vibe. Yeah. It's a vibe. I have never been a big Abba fan, I will admit. But I have seen the, like, I've finally broken through at least to see the, what all the fuss is about. You know what I mean?

Like, I get it. now, whereas I used to be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know what I mean? Whereas now I get it. But I just, I also, the pitch perfect actress attended law school and her native Australia, which allows her to negotiate her a movie deal. She's a lawyer. I won't speak of her on the show.

I love that you knew that I was, of course I'm going to skip over. I'm right. Yeah, I was like, oh, she's going to scare about her. What's her cast? Right. Jenny and E Dots. Jenny any dots. And Busterver Jones is James Corr.

Weirdly, that came up last night on last night's stream. Oh, Busterford Jones. Last but not least. I feel like I've seen cats at least twice and I've never heard that day before. James Corden. It's because we're too busy going like, oh, man.

We were just screaming, hacking from smoking too much. He said screen. Just coughing of the movie. Oh, that's screaming. the shoes, oh good, is he gonna unzip his skin again? Oh, great. Just screaming. By that point, you've already gone past like scrutiny and into sheer madness.

It's literally only like 10 minutes into the movie. Now we got to watch cats. Now we brought, I just feel like the second I open up the zipper on the cat's vault. I'm like, well, now I'm gonna watch it again. You know, it's been six months since we watched it last. So we should. We're halfway to another cat's viewing. Someone mentioned that also last night during my stream.

I don't know. I think it should be a twice. annual thing. Wow, we could do twice annually. You say we need another one. I mean, we can do Christmas in July where we watch cats. All right, Christmas in July. That'd be weird to just, you, the three of us just go full Christmas all week, like everything,

like our backgrounds and everything for our streams. See, that's what you didn't ask me before, Holden, but that's the song I would troll people with if I was trolling somebody's song. I should have played that when you guys were another one. You did, you would have enjoyed it too much. loved it. Yeah. You know the song.

I won't even say the song. I was going to say, are we going to say it? I won't say it. No, that's sacrilegious. I think that maybe if we do Christmas in July. Maybe. Maybe if that. But did you guys know that Colin Farrell is an authority on line dancing?

What? Yeah. Full stop. Colin Farrell used to make a living. Teaching line dancing in bars. As a 19-year-old aspiring actor, Farrell supported himself by Torrell. nightclubs across Ireland and clutching his belt to some good old country and western music.

He hasn't gotten rusty either. He recently led a line dancing class on Ellen. Oh, we hate Ellen, but don't worry, Ellen's finally done and we don't have to look at her face anymore. That's my list. What a list. Yeah, it was all over the place. I may have skipped a couple in there. Yeah, why did you do?

But Donna got falling down drunk on stage. during a concert in Australia, Madge appeared to get good good and liquored up on stage. This is what she said. Someone please take care of me. Please. Who is going to take care of me? And then please someone fuck me. She then, this is my favorite part.

She then attempted to ride and fell off a tiny children's tricycle. Why was there a tricycle on stage? Come on, that's the stars. They're just like us right there. Yeah. Please someone fuck me. Oh, you just so hammered. And there's just a picture of her just looks,

she looks as hammered as she probably sounded. So good. All right. Guys, the sight, it leaves me, flames in the side of my face. I think I'm going. Five items. Oh, we can't see them.

All right, here we go. Let's get into it. Not only are reporters barred from asking any questions about a procedure that was reversed on this illiterate reality star. The letters, same letters to the first last name. They are barred from talking slash asking about whether she got the procedure in the first place.

The only thing they are allowed to ask are about the product lines. Kim. Yeah. About their new skin line? The Brazilian butt lift, bro. Whoa. Fans have been, yeah, dog.

Fans have been speculating, according to the sun, that her butt be shrinking, dog. Oh, her butt be shrinking? So wait, so they think that like that they're undoing the procedure or that it's just not taking? That it was on, that it was revert. They revert that she, yeah, reversed the procedure. There's all sorts of pictures of her old, her old big ass next to her new, slightly smaller ass. Whoa.

What is a Brazilian butt lift, you ask? Brazilian butt lift surgery is usually performed as an outpatient procedure under general anesthesia. The surgeon uses liposuction to remove fat from your lower body. The extracted fat is then purified and injected into specific points. on the buttocks to achieve the desired shape and size. It was not out of Brazil, but the doctor who invented it was Brazilian. That's where we got the name, Brazilian butt lift. Damn, dog.

Yeah, dude. A man, see, that's the thing. You're so against the stuff holding, but man, just squirted in there. I want it to be big. I think super inflated vagina lips would be interesting. Oh, yeah. I want to get them. Because I want to fall victim to a big vagina, not a little vagina.

You're right. And I think that if you just find someone, if they've got booty shorts on and their lips are just peeking out the bottom of it, that means you're good to go. Is that what you're asking for? Yeah, I want it to be wax lips, vagina peeping out kind of stuff. Don't chew on them for too long. It'll hurt your mouth, man.

I never got into that chew. What was the deal where you're supposed to eat them? That was like confounded me as a kid. I was like this looks like candy and it seems like candy and you put it in your mouth, but it's wax. I never got into wax lips, but I was very, very into those wax. Coke bottles, things, yeah, that had the juice in them

and then you just like, those were more clear because you were supposed to drink the juice, you were supposed to chew off the top, drink the juice, and then I thought it was pretty clear that you weren't supposed to eat the wax, but I think we all tried it out.

I never ate the wax, but I did chew on that wax a lot. Yeah, it didn't make sense. I was like, why isn't this candy? And it could be candy, so I don't understand why they didn't just make them can't. I mean, it's such an old school thing, you know? That was like, when we were kids, there was still some candy that was hanging around from like the 1920s that they just hadn't gotten rid of.

Yeah, candy cigarettes. Candy cigarettes, which were just like chalk. So there was no, nothing about them that was enjoyable other than, hey, mom, look, it looks like I'm a child smoking a cigarette. You know what I mean? And isn't that fun though? Yeah. Bigly chew as well. It's like they were setting me up for a tobacco addiction.

I wanted to smoke cigarettes like 15 years. before I started smoking cigarettes. I was like, I love it. I can't wait to smoke. Like, I was just sadly that child that played into, like I had the big league chew all the time, love the candy cigarettes, always had my pen like I was smoking something.

That's not, like, someone sure told me like, hey, maybe don't glorify that. Yeah, but everyone was smoking. So it was like we were just imitated what we were seeing because everyone smoked, which is also easy to forget about now in the candy landscape these days, It's a bunch of toilets. Yes.

When we were kids, we had this old shit. Well, now we've got a big, fun, dirty ass. Yeah. Hell, yeah. I'm sure it's very clean, actually. Oh, my God. Yeah, do you get a Brazilian buttliff? It must be Photoshop.

That's the whole point, isn't it? He just has like a big round ass Photoshop. Is that the joke? I didn't understand the joke. I was like, what's the joke? You got a big round ass that you Photoshop? You know, I think that he, is being clever.

I wish it for, like, at first I got really excited and I was like, then immediately it was just like, his ass isn't that big, and then just kept screw. No, he doesn't have that hourglass of a figure. I would have noticed. Yeah. Oh, I would have noticed. All right, next one up.

Which A-list singer slash former tweener who recently nabbed a big role in a filmed adaptation of a super popular musical is about to nab another big flick. She's rumored to be voicing this classic cartoon character in a long gestating feature film. Several streaming services are in a bidding war for this flick. Now, I only know the one movie that she's attached to,

the super popular musical, that she got a film role. She's also awful and shitty, and I hate her. Ariana Grande? Yeah. You're talking about Wicked, right? They're talking, like... Yeah, so Wicked is the musical, but I want to beg the question, And what is this classic cartoon character in a long gestating feature film that she is trying to get onto?

Bugs Bunny. No. Oh. And second of all, is she not going to, what? No, I wish it was Bugs Bunny. Oh, yeah. Isn't she, isn't she not going to be great for Wicked or is she going to be great for Wicked? I don't know Wicked.

I don't know either. What is she playing, is she playing Kristen Chenowitz's character? Right. Like, I don't know. I'm not just to sit here and talk shit about Ariana. I'll take a step, break the fourth wall for a second. She has a good voice, but does she have like... She is going to be Glinda.

Does she have the kind of voice that can do that? I don't know. I mean, she has a good voice, so whatever. I'm sure she'll be fine. Yeah, I think that she can do the, like, as long as she can do the character voice, but I wonder if she's going to do it like Kristen Chinat's like, Chrissy Chilick's like, she talks like this,

and it's very high pitch, and a lot of her songs sound like that. So if she can do, the voice unless she's not going to do the character voice. So I guess it really depends on the style in which she's going to do it. Because she is talented.

I just don't know, like, I personally don't know enough about Ariana Grande to know like, is she musically trained? Like, is she music theater trained? Well, I don't know what that's different. She's definitely, she's really good. I mean, you're talking about mimicking voices, like, that's her schick on like late night shows, right?

She goes on and pretends to be all these different pop stars and stuff. At the same time, if you're just going to make, like, I feel like she should make her own thing then if she's going to do it rather than just copying Kristen Chenoweth? I wonder who this could, who would this cartoon character be? Yeah. That is my fucking question.

Like, Jessica Rabbit or something. Like, what is this? What Disney movie hasn't already been remade? That's classic, which is why I said Bugs Bunny. Like, is it going to not be a Disney movie? How about Little Mermaid? That's what I was thinking, but didn't, isn't there already a different little mermaid coming on the, because.

Yeah. Lindsay Lohan wanted to be in. Oh, it's already gone. They did a live one, right? I know they did the live one, but I'm not sure. Yeah. So if they did a live one, I'm sure the live action one is soon to follow. Yeah.

Wicked Part 2. Yeah, apparently that they're, so it's a two-part film that they're, I don't know if they're going to do the like, then the beginning part of them, like, knowing each other. And then I don't know what they're going to do. with it. I'm very nervous about this. As someone I do love Wicke. So I don't, my heart can't hope. You know what I mean? Like I'm nervous to have hope about it.

I relate to that, man. Sadly. Yeah, yeah. I do relate to that. My heart can't hope. That is brutal. My heart can't hope. It's not about Wiccan for me, but it's about a lot of other things.

Just a lot. It's a lot of things. It's a lot of things. So funny. Yeah, I'm curious. I guess we'll see. I guess we'll see. Final blind of the day.

This now former talk show host has strip searched employees when the host thought they were stealing. If they complained, they were fired. Ellen. Yeah, stop. Oh, my God, of course. Ew. And I didn't realize the show went off air in May.

Like, how unceremoniously did that go away? She's slay. slunked out of there, man. She was like... Dude, I am excited. I was listening to... I listened to Greg Fitzsimmons podcast. He's a comedian who wrote for Ellen,

and he talked about how, like, he had to be very vague because, you know, he signed so many things saying he wouldn't say anything about the nightmare that was working on that show. But I'm wondering, like, isn't there a point in time when, like, maybe Ellen passes away or something like that? Isn't there some point in the future where these people get to share that finally share the real story of, like,

working on that, because this is just the stuff that's leaking out of what people have felt comfortable to share. Like there's so many things that I'm sure that there's just so much crazy shit. I need that tell all. Like so bad.

Oh my God. If I could get like the live from New York like oral history, but for the Ellen DeGeneres show, I would pay a ridiculous amount of money just to like get a hold of that. That, it just sounds nuts. Yeah.

So nuts. And no one, and everyone has to be mum's the word. So I totally believe this, too, as well. This just seems like the kind of like mental warfare that Ellen has wrought upon its her employees. I wonder how long the NDAs are for. Like, they must have a time on them. Right?

Or at some point at least like, it doesn't matter after a point because like Ellen dies and like, you know what I mean? And whatever. You get to a... Hung up on the idea of Alan dying. Like, she's pretty young. Ellen gets ripped to shreds by a pack of wilds, you know, coyotes. You know, 30 to 40 years before.

Something's going to happen. She's going to, like, ride a segue too close to a cliff or something's going to happen. Don't go all Lady Gaga on her. She's going to sell her farts and end up in the hospital. I mean, we all know how these things end, right? And so, who knows? But regardless, those are the blinds. I can see again and you two look lovely and what's up.

Thank you. Welcome back, Holden. I am feeling good in the neighborhood and thank you guys so much for joining us this week on page seven. I'm feeling strong. Thank you all for the well wishes of getting back from Florida. Don't worry, I made it home. And I am as far away from Florida as I could be now.

But thank you so much for the love and thank you for joining us. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can follow us on TikTok over at page 7 LPN. And please come hang out over on Twitch.tv forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. We do lots of fun things over there, but specifically one of my favorite things is we tried to bang daddies on Sundays. And then we also talk about sex with Dr. Jordan, who is an ASEC certified sex psychologist. And you should come and join us sometime on Tuesdays.

And open forum questions. Hell yeah, dude. Yo, what's up? If you aren't in the mood for a little vagina, come check me out on Twitch.tv, 4-slash Holdenaders. So, first of all, this big crazy stream, check us out 15 hours. It's going to be epic.

It's Jackie, it's me, it's Ed, three, two boys and a child, two weddings and a baby. And it's early. But Twitch. dot TV forward slash Holdenators Ho from 9 a.m. PST up to midnight. We will be streaming this Saturday. It is going to be insane. And a great way to maybe check out all of our stuff for the first time if you've never dabbled. Twitch.com.

Twitter. So I also normally stream Monday, Tuesday, Friday. Not this week, Friday, but next week, for sure. We'll be back on the normal schedule. And yeah, that's it. Twitch. Twitch. TV forward slash hold nader so page the number seven podcasts at gmail.com. Just page seven podcast at gmail.com. But the seven is a numeral. Uh, fuck. And, uh, Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast as well. Check us out weekly bonus content for just $5 a month for $10 a month. Dude, we have the best time every Thursday with the Jersey Shore watch along. It's fucking awesome. Join us, MJ, Jackie and I all hanging out. watching a couple episodes of the Jersey Shore.

It'll be the best hour and a half of your life where you are definitely gonna do something crazy. MJ. My name is MJ and I'm partnering with Instagram, this pride. Just kidding. The MJK. Elcat on Instagram. We love you guys so much. Thank you so much.

And it is time for the shout out song. Shout. Shout Let it out These are the emails that you wrote it about Come on We're gonna read it to you I just want to thank you guys so much

For taking the time to send in Not only your shoutouts But also just your hey highs, hello's over to me Over at page 7 podcast at gmail.com It means the world to me I loved all the running up that hill parodies and even the creepy ones. And I just want to say thank you guys absolutely so friggin much. But now it's time for our shoutouts.

Don't forget, you can send in your shoutouts to Page 7 Podcast at gmail.com. First up, it's Megan. And Megan wants me to send a shout out to their husband and favorite Gemini Seth, except in an Austin Powers accent. So I'm going to go ahead and say, I apologize for everyone having to listen. That's not Austin Powers. It's like this, baby. That's the same thing, Jackie.

I want to wish my husband and favorite Gemini Seth, a happy 32nd birthday on June 10th, baby. Seth loves to bake. and has recently started to sell pastries and cakes. That's not it. That's not it, Jackie. I'm super fucking proud. I'm sorry, Megan, now I'm ruining your shout-out.

I'm super fucking proud. He's the best husband, cat dad, baker, and friend anyone could ask for. This is my Snape, boys. It's not my Austin, Pat. I don't know how to do it. What is wrong with my? mouth. I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather listen to 20-year-old modest mouse songs with while helping make fresh croissants and cakes. Now, that's definitely Robin Leach, but also, Seth,

I just want to say as me and not as my, I know, surprise, that wasn't Austin Powers. That was me. Jackie Zabrowski reading that to you, Seth. And Megan, that was absolutely amazing. Tell us more about your cake business. Congratulations on work and so hard to sell them pageries and cakes, and I wish you the absolute best. And we've got another Megan up here. Now, this Megan doesn't have a shout-or, excuse me, this Meg doesn't have a shout-out, but does have a fun yell that I needed to include in our shout-outs. Meg says, this week's episode, you mentioned someone else wrote the Golden Girls theme

song, and I will not stand for Andrew Gold Slander. Andrew Gold originally wrote the song Thank You for Being a Friend which was adapted for the Golden Girls theme song It is an absolute bop in its entirety and I just can't sit back and listen to him not get the recognition he deserves Also as a side note for Holden's favorite song

Spooky Scary Skeletons was also written by Andrew Gold And I appreciate this Meg so much Meg says I'm not actually upset I just like to channel my inner Jackie When I write emails I hope you enjoy it And yes I 100% did Thank you so much, Meg.

It's Andrew Gold, everybody. It's Andrew Gold. Thank you for being a friend. Boom, boom, boom, boom. But we've got one more shout-out. No need for the exit song. We've got a double-header shout-out for one person from two people. And I love that you even included your shout-out in a separate document.

You are absolutely adorable. This is a shout-out from Bree and Gabby. to our friend Alicia for graduating from grad school this upcoming June. Congratulations, baby. Lish, this is from Brie. Lish, you saw from such an early age how the mental health system was failing people and wanting to be a part of making care for everyone more inclusive, tender, and as accessible as possible within our current means. Flash forward some 15 years, and you are doing it!

You made it throughout our flawed-as-fuck academic system that asks, so much of everyone and are already changing people's lives, including my own always. I can't wait to continue growing in our love for each other and our vocations in this life, while always reminding each other to not forget to care for ourselves. Thank you for introducing me to page 7. Jackie, MJ, and Holden's silliness has helped me feel close to you in all of our pals when life can make everyone who feels so far away. I'm so grateful we found each other in this sweet little lifetime.

Bestie soulmates forever and ever, I love you. Love Bree. Now this one's from Gabby. This is adorable. Alicia, I never would have thought that the girl with the green hair in fourth grade would turn out to be one of my dearest friends. But here we are 15 years later, celebrating such an incredible moment in your life. Your passion for mental health has always inspired me, and I have no doubt that you will be an incredible therapist. I'm so proud of you for all the work you've into this degree. And now it's time to celebrate you. I love you so much and I can't wait to see where the next 15 years takes us. Love Gabby. That was absolutely adorable, you too. Thank you guys so much for taking the time to send in your shoutouts to your amazing friend. And I'm so proud of her as well. And I hope that you guys have an amazing week as well. Congrats to all you graduates out there, as well as all people in the middle of trying to get degrees and just doing that hustle, babe. I know the hustle well, and you got this shit.

Much love to you all, and I hope you all have a beautiful week. Don't you worry. We'll be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.