Page 7 - Ep. 453: Oops! All Buttholes

Episode Date: June 16, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout Britney's wedding, Jason "not the  actor from Seinfeld" Alexander, mask work, Keep Sweet, Pray, and Obey, the art of the blurred crotch shot, the news of Joker 2 being a musical Lady Gaga vehicle, Paris Hilton's continued DJin', the Fire Island Bechdel test drama, Lizzo editing her new single post release. And in celeb conspiracy corner;  Is Nick Cannon creating an army of organ donors?! The LIST, BLINDZ 'N SHOUTZ! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, we got to get these doggies. They're out of the pan. We got to get them back in the pan. In the pan. We got to get them over to the last podcast network country jamboree June 18th, 2022 at the Raman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee. Come and check out all the shows that you love on the last podcast network. We'll be in front of you in our meat space and we cannot wait to entertain you and have a great time.

But for those of you that can't come in person, go to momenthouse.com slash LPOTL and buy your live stream ticket. Yes, you too can watch us perform our jangly country jamboree from the nudity of your couch. Absolutely fantastic. I hope you guys enjoy the show. Thank you so much for your support. And we are so excited to be at the OG Grand Old Operator. Hail yourselves. Oh, somebody got married.

This is a story about a girl named Lucky. Oh, early on my name. Wow. She wakes up, knock, knock, knock on the door. Bam, bam, bam, bam. What's time for makeup? Perfect smile. It's you.

They're all waiting for. There go, isn't she lucky? She's a star, but she cried her lonely heart thinking. If there's nothing. Miss it in my life then. But she's not crying anymore. She's got her prince. Why, God, why?

Yes, I sang so much of it and I will never make me stop. I know that the song is about her being sad, but also we knew that she must have cried the day that she got married to Sam Escarry. I am, I got way too excited. We're talking about Bernie Spears, by the way. In case you didn't know. and this is a great sign of her new found freedom. I mean, it's beautiful, and they looked wonderful, you know,

and her, with her butt was out, she's wearing the diamond thong. Diamond thong. First of all, how do y'all feel about diamonds up your butthole? What is that due to you? Today's the day we're going to get into diamonds in the butt hole. Didn't know. Diamonds on in the butt hole.

That's my favorite version of that song, that parody song. Diamonds in the bottle. Yeah. It's like the diamond dogs. That's where the diamond dogs got their name from, I'm pretty sure, right? Is that what David Bowie was talking about? Pretty sure is the dogs eating a diamond out of some person's butthole. Probably Bowie's butthole.

What are we talking about here? I'm just proud of the new found love is alive and real, and it lives in California. Is where they live wherever they live. Yes. No, it does live there. And you mean it does live where Jason Alexander must go and find him. No, we're not talking about. Seinfeld's Jason Alexander either.

And we considered that Jason Alexander ruined her wedding because he is so angry that every time he is written about in any publication, every publication has to say, parentheses, not the Seinfeld actor. Because imagine if your life, every time your name was said, it had to be followed up with not the Seinfeld actor. And then the second thing is, who was married to Britney Spears for 55 hours. You know, that's two tough things. I don't know which I'd rather have first after my name.

Especially if you made a whirlwind. So if you listen to the pop history episodes of Britney Spears, you will know that Jason Alexander was a childhood friend of Britney Spears's, who in a rash decision they decided to go to Vegas to get married. Like you said, MJ, they were married for 55 hours before they got it annulled in 2004. And do you imagine just a choice that you made in your 20s? Now, Britney Spears used to it, but Jason Alexander, of just everyone forever knows about it, I would die of embarrassment. I would be embarrassed for him, except that it sounds like he is busy embarrassing himself by crashing Britney Spears' wedding.

And I have to say, I learned about this from one of my Mormon mommy bloggers who I follow. Don't ask me to explain it. I can't explain that? No way, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Mormon mommy blogger I need to know Mormon about it Come on

I was watching too much Now you need to watch The Keep Sweet Pray and Obey If you're gonna be watching I know it's not the same I know that's not the same This Mormon documentary Jackie's going on and on about

She is child bride crazy She's just always talking about it She's just like child brides It's the new You know crocs You know what I mean I think is what she said the other day Yeah, yeah, you put some chicken-scented gibbets on that child's ride and bam, it's like she consents.

I'm sorry. But going back to this guy, going back to this guy, I will say, just like the part where it's like, okay, if you try to crash away, it's one thing, but it's obviously a weird publicity stunt. And then it just makes me realize, like, how weird everything's gotten with social media that, like, you used to have to, you couldn't do something like this as a publicity stunt unless you hired a team of paparazzi to, like follow you to the house, right? But now you just pull out your phone and try to break into someone's house alive on stream. And it'll actually help you get more numbers and popularity. It's insane. And right, it's like, it's a publicity stunt.

But like the, I think rather psychotic take that I was seeing was that like this is because he loves her and actually like he's her childhood friend and he knows her the best and he stood by her through the conservatorship. And maybe this is actually like maybe he knows. something that we don't about this marriage. And these are the same people who are like, you know, I like Johnny Depp and Pirates of the Caribbean, so therefore, like, I refuse to believe women.

So, like, I'm not saying, but I'm just saying that part of the, part of the, at least some part of the coverage of Jason Alexander storming Britney Spears's wedding was like, this is out of his, this, maybe he knows something. Maybe this is yet another example of Britney Spears being duped into some manipulative relationship, as opposed to like, no, this is like an act of violence and, or whatever, not violence. This is an act of like intimidation. Harassment and stalking. Yeah.

Super gross. Not romantic. Not sweet. There's no world in which like, oh, this is just, it just shows his devotion to her. No. Right. But you know what does show some fucking devotion. I want to give mad shoutouts to Sam Ascari for signing that pre-up son and being really out front

about it. and being really vocal about it? Do you guys follow them on the socials? Because I follow both of them on the socials and I know, again, I am aware of the fact that social media is just a, you know, it's a bit of a mask, you will. And I know this because I took a mask class.

Right, and Jackie still practices or mask work. When you learn the theater of masks? Every time we do Jack in on Friday, she makes me come over a little early to show me her new mask work sessions. Get into the character. Right. Thank you for that deep cut into the college theater.

Man, I loved the best class. I never even took it. But I love it when my friends were in it. It was so fucking funny. I was like, this is ridiculous. I created a serial killer character because everyone came to the Black Box Theater. And we all had our mass characters on. And we weren't allowed to break character.

And I had created this evil serial killer character. Okay, everybody was right in my journals. Jackie, I noticed your murder. all of the other mask people. And that's maybe not okay. No. It's like the movie The Golden Glove, which I don't recommend to most people.

But no, I was like a sweaty, yucky one watching from afar. But if I had just been unleashed on the people, like if my mask had been taken off, you wouldn't want to know where my brain would go. So there's a lot of Riverdale references happening in what you're saying right now, Jackie.

I don't know if you've watched this week's yet. There's a lot of masks work going on. No, but I'm Riverdale before Riverdale. Throwing it down there, smoke bombs. This is Riverdale before Riverdale, for real. Unbelievable. How did we get on mask work? Sorry, the mask of social media.

Where did we start? I love their relationship. That might be the most page seven-ish diversion we have ever, like, from... We went from Britney's Christmas's wedding to college theater mask work. And, like, that's like some kids, five degrees of Kevin Bacon fucking shit. That's some craziness right there. You say this, Holden, as someone, we were just having a normal conversation where you brought up Chekhov's gun right before we started recording. Yeah, you have to introduce it in the first act.

And he said that you were going, no, I'm not going to go. You want to go down that road? I said, I've introduced a gun into my house. That's all I said. And by the way, that is figuratively to the degree. I do not have. I don't have guns. Come take everything I own.

I don't have anything. I have no way to protect my family. I refuse. Or else you'd be a lot like fangs right now, and I know you don't watch Riverdale, but... We're at Riverdale. Is this page 7 of Riverdale roundup right now? A lot of Riverdale themes coming.

I just, I saw a friend last night. Yeah, I have a friend. I saw a friend last night, and they had fallen off Riverdale, and I was like, don't worry, this season, and there's a biblical war between heaven and hell, and it's happening through the time. tether of Pops diner, and that's where the war is going to happen. And she's like, yeah, I'm good.

I'm already without it. I'm doing okay without it. I love it, though. That's so great. But going back to the pre-knup. Yes, that's what you like about them. I'm very happy for the two of them. And what it does seem, and like with signing that pre-up, because the pre-up that he signed

essentially said that he has no right over any of her. earnings before they got together, which is where all of her money came from. Because they got together during the conservatorship, so it's like also before it ended, but around this time that she had stopped performing. So he has no, there's no way for him to touch it if they ever divorce. And that shows that he's there for the right reasons. It might not, but in my brain it does. At least it's a sign that he's there for the right reason.

It's a good sign. If nothing else it is. joking about it. He's like really open about it online. He's joking about it and, you know, and being really like fun about it saying like, oh, it's so that, you know, she can't take my sneaker collection if we get divorced. Yeah, that's cute. I think if nothing else, he's very, must be then very aware of like the general perception of everything regarding her and how to make people like, because knowing there's the whole free Britney movement out there and everything, how to put people at ease with the whole thing.

make people feel like, wow, this is like, for real legit. I mean, who's hating on this marriage? Who's hating on this romance? You know what I mean? I mean, it's great. Well, KFED is. And that's why I wanted to bring up the weird take that I saw about, like, this Jason Alexander thing is a sign that there's actually something sinister about this.

Because I was wondering if that, as, if there's any sect of the free Britney or, is there, is there so, because there's a lot of conspiratorial thinking around Britney Spears. And I was wondering, is there a conspiracy that he, She's Q. Brittany's Q. Yes, we finally figured it out. She is Q. She sent those mint to the building that day.

I think that they probably are garnering some of that from the fact that KFED would not allow her children to go to the wedding. So I wonder if they're probably going to use parts of that. So I imagine that that is going to be something that they're going to use against. Another thing that made me a little sad in this article was that, you know, obviously, it makes sense the parents were not invited to the wedding, but that Lynn, her mom did write under her, one of her posts, you look radiant and so happy. Your wedding is the dream wedding, and having it at your home makes it so sentimental and special. I'm so happy for you.

I love you. Don't you say that about her evil fucking mother? I mean, I just thought it was like, she wasn't invited for a reason. I just thought that was, well, it's probably. I don't know. From the sounds, I forget what her deal was, but it sounded like Jamie was more the ringleader

of the evil parent operation. But she also forced her to do things from a very young age that she did not want to do and never stepped in to try to help. Where the dog color and be the family dog for a year? I mean, essentially is what she did on the Mickey Mouse Club. I'll throw it out about this.

There's a reason why her sister wasn't invited, a reason why her brother wasn't invited. And I say, go va. And you and I say, Vafungul to you, Lynn Spears. Yeah, I did the motion too. Yeah, I watched the Sopranos last year.

What did her sister do? What did J.B. Lynn do? I mean, I believe it. Apparently also, like a release what Britney Spears has said, is that they just never helped. They allowed her father to do all these things and they never did it.

Now, I don't know what they could have done to help, but I do know that that is part of the anger and I think that like it seems that she didn't talk to her sister for a long time, hasn't talked to her mom for a long time and I imagine probably was pretty angry about being trapped essentially. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. So I kind of get it.

So that's why I say va fungouel, Jamie Lynn and Lynn Spears. Yeah, this from the Child Bride fanatic over here being like, oh. If it's autumn. That's how you tell which one is which. You've got 78 child brides. I mean, how you're supposed to know? Which one's which? Jackie, appearing on this week's episode of Spun as a Child Bride Apologist.

Oh, very interesting takes. I'm not. It's very horrible. Watch Keep Sweet Brain Obey, be very, very upset. We talked about it over on talking TV. So if you're wondering where we hashed this all out. Was there a war between heaven and hell and that documentary series happening inside of a diner? Not inside of a diner, but I would say inside of the brains of all 78 of the wives.

I'm just like, why is this supposed to be my heavenly training? Do you want to know what the heavenly training was, MJ? I bet you can guess. Oh, no. Yeah, it's really escalating from sister wives, which is just like, sister wives, maybe this is how they get you because I'm over here watching Sister Wives on Jackie's recommendation. Jackie is doing more work for the Mormon church than any non-women.

out there. I'm watching SisterRabs and I'm thinking, you know what? This is fantastic. You're right. Communalism is great. Yes. Yes. And you raise children together. I like in the same way that I talk about this on Talking Sex with Jay and Dr. Jay over on

Tuesdays on Twitch.tv.4. Oh, no, it's Jackie. That in theory, I feel that being Polly is the perfect life. It is the, like, if you take the emotions out of it and I'm saying that for me, specifically, I feel the same way about sister wives. If we didn't have to share one person,

the theory of a commune lifestyle of raising families together, growing food. I don't know, having a well. I'm interested in it. Corn means maize. Is that what we're going to be talking about on my commune? Who wants to join my commune?

That's the thing I was thinking about when people are out in the, doing their own farming and stuff, is that corn is maize. that's what you garnered from love off the grid, Holden. That's what they learn every day of their life, that maze means corn and vice versa.

Did you know that, yeah, I know it means maze or I don't want to play some fucking PlayStation. Christ. When was the last time you were outside? When was the last time you left the house? I haven't left in like a day and a half. Actually,

now Givision, I did not leave my apartment yesterday at all. We have a theory that Gideon has, for the first time in his life, developed allergies. outside because of so much time spent inside over the last two and a half years. He's never had allergies and now every time he walks outside he sneezing. He is nerd syndrome is.

Yes. Yes. Yeah, we all got a bit of the nerd syndrome. He needs a bully. You need to hire a bully to beat him up. I'll do it. And then he'll get rid of that. When you go outside, you, you, you, you, you, man.

Yeah, he has to be pantsed in the middle of Greenpoint. A bully or like an absent dad yelling like, go outside to play from me. the other room, which was... But just for both of you guys. So yeah, let's get into... So Britney Spears had multiple change, like, of course, outfit changes at her wedding. And one of the outfit changes included a man.

Ah, you can take the girl out of Kentucky. I loved it. She had the shortest dress on, but then it was like, don't worry, I've got a diamond thong on underneath. She had a thong on. made out of diamonds. Diamonds in my butt hole.

Yeah, yeah. Where's that album? Are there, okay, I've, a lot of questions about this. Are the diamonds on, first, I guess, and I ask this about every week during our Jersey short time, but like if you're only wearing a thong

and you're wearing a dress that short and I say this in it, there is no judgment in my questioning, it's just a question, what level of coverage are we talking about? Because I think we're talking about zero coverage. Yeah, you're kind of just seeing the but hole, but that's what... Brittany created the blurred crotch shot.

It is hers to earn. Yeah, as much as she's known for her pop music, she's also known for in the mid to late 2000s, the aughts, as we all refer to them. ought to fucking forget about it, right? ought to fucking tell her in the garbage, right? But the mid to lay odds, she and Lindsay and everybody,

it was like they really nailed that whole thing down of the blurred crotch shot coming out of the car, right? sad because I do that often. Like, I know that I flash people too often. And I think that's fine. I think we should normalize, just as HBO is normalizing C&P on TV, I think we should normalize that if you're wearing a dress, people are going to see what's under the dress when you get out of the car. And MJ can confirm that that, of course, was, I feel like, fully, saw its full potential in the television show, Jersey short, several, several nightclub shots. It's the magnum opus of crotch shots. Yeah, just cots, blurred crotches left and right,

mostly from Snuggie, but J-Wall, all of them. They all end up giving us a bit of a blur shot, right? You guys have to join us on Thursdays, please. That's so fun. Over the page 7 Discord, join us on like, Patreon.com, forward slash page 7 podcast, get on the $10 layer, come join us. We have so much fucking fun on Thursdays

watching Jersey Shore together. It's my favorite time of the week. It's so fun. But it's nice to see that she is still, she's like, no, bitch. Jersey Shore might have taken it and ran with it and, you know, perfected it. But I'm the OG of the crotch shot,

and I'm doing it right here right now at my wedding. If you see those shots, her vagina and butthole are out and ready to play. You know what I mean? And, hey, it's up to you to keep the kids eyes away from it, all right? You got to put them somewhere else, okay? I don't know if this wasn't an adult's only wedding or not. It was an adult's only wedding. You know, it's like if your kids aren't there, I say show the butthole.

Yeah. You can show that butt hole, dude. You hear that mom? You wait. You wait till November, I'm showing butt hole at my wedding. It's a butt. It's going to be like cats. If I don't see Jackie's butt hole at her own wedding,

I feel the marriage is cursed. I'm just going to say it. Oh, no, I'll sing that while showing my butt hole. About two weeks ago, we all talked about how grossed out we are by the garter on the leg, you know, but we're all like, take your butthole out, yes. Butthole. But don't have your husband get your garter off. No.

I need you to dance your butthole out of. of your two short dress. And they'd be like, whoa, look at that. Oh, there's a peek, a little peeking eye underdust. It's like oops all berries, but it's oops all buttholes. Yeah. It's not what you wanted, but it's what you've been given. So I think that it's good for her, and I don't know how she danced that much with the diamond

thong. I'm going to assume that the diamonds were attached to a clothing of some sort before she put them against her butt? You mean attached to the thong itself? Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna assume. I would love to think that there were diamonds attached to the string that goes up the butt hole, hence diamonds. Yeah, do we think the diamonds were in the butt part or the front?

I'm pretty sure it was just like the front part. Yeah, but who knows? In my brain, I thought that they were up her butt though. Well, I would like to think that I'm fantasizing about like that's my favorite belief. The thong is synonymous with up your. butt. Like you can't think about a thong without thinking that's up the butt. And so that's why. Yes. And in the Instagram caption that she posted of her dancing with her butt hanging out, her Instagram caption was living as giving. Don't worry. I had my first diamond thong underneath my jacket. Hope I didn't offend

anyone. So I would assume that you would see the diamonds from her butt. Right. Coming out the butt hole being like, wow, she may be shits diamonds. Which is, I mean, we've all thought about it. We've all wish we could. Haven't you ever just like squeezed your butt so hard, pretended like there was charcoal in it? Right? I can't be the only person that's ever done that before. I'm like, I'm going to make a diamond. But

it's not diamond. It's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's made. Oh, should I not have said this out loud? Well, you can't take it back. You can't take it with you and you can't take it back sometimes. But I will say, man,

Madonna's just always trying so hard to steal people's spotlight. And they tried to, they did the, like, I didn't even include the link in it. They recreated the kiss. You didn't include the link. I had to go find it myself. No, you did not. And I was like, why is Jackie teasing us with this? They recreated the 2004, 2003, Kiss.

2003 MTV Music Video Video Awards. MTV, yeah, video music awards. And I went and found it of the picture of themselves kissing at the wedding. and I'm going to have to dissent from you, Jackie. I think it's sweet. You think it's sweet? I mean, Madonna was invited to the wedding. Yeah, I guess.

It's not like she crashed the wedding, a la Jason Alexander, not the actor from Seinfeld. And I feel like if Brittany, I don't know, maybe this is not maybe I am pathologizing. This is 100% me pathologizing or assuming Britney's feelings. But don't you think that Brittany probably feels some sort of connection with Madonna as the pre-before there was Lady Guy? being like, Mama Donna, Brittany was probably more, could identify with Madonna. They had a, you know, and they had, and if she invited Madonna to the wedding,

why not recreate the kiss? It reads totally differently in 2022, because you can look back and think about how stupid it was that everybody was so upset about that in 2003. Yeah, yeah, totally. Or excited about it either as well. Turned on yet, yeah, disgusted, yet. I think I intertwined them in my brain

because I know Madonna and Lady Gaga don't like each other. Or at least, or I'm sorry, Lady Gaga idolizes Madonna. Madonna thinks that Lady Gaga just was being, trying to be Madonna. That was the other article I meant to send out. Did you guys see that they are,

that Joker too is a purportedly going to be a musical with Lady Gaga. Start, I get it? What? You know what? I'm into it. I said this, I said this initially. Gaga, stop going for these Oscar roles.

Yes. Go for these big cranes. crazy eccentric roles. I don't want to see her. I know how best what she's talking like this. I don't want to see it. She's not Harley Quinn per se. I thought that she was in talks to be Harley Quinn.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Oh, my God. Well, that makes sense, I guess, with her whole. I mean, she's New York. She can do that. I mean. Oh, but she's upper class New York. It's not the same.

It's hard for me to not see Margo Robby as Harley Quinn. So I'm already going to go into it being like, eh, you're not Harley Quinn. I was hoping she was just going to be, I don't know, anyone else, who knows, but of course, of course they would make her hardly quit. But I am all about a Joker 2 musical. I'm all about it, bro. Okay, as a, as the nerd boy that you are and, you know, as a hashtag temporary nerd girl at times,

I would like to hear your idea of why you think it's a good idea for it to be a musical. Like, do you think, like, and I'm asking, like, genuinely asking, because, like, is there, like, is there an episode? A episodic of Joker where he decides to be a singer? I prefer episodic experience. And episodic experience. If you're going to talk about the comic books. And nerd lord, by the way, not nerd boy. Oh, I'm sorry, yes.

Sir nerd lord. Yes. Explain, was there an episodic experience where may haps there could have been a singer too? No, it's just that it's silly and fun and a crazy choice. That's why I love it. And, you know, I love musicals, but it's just a nuts choice. And in a world where, like, superhero stuff has gotten so formulaic. And how many times have we seen Joker in stuff?

Like, if you're going to, might as well just go wacky with it. Do me something totally different. Yeah, do really dark and then do, like, the brightest possible thing, which is a musical. Especially, especially when it comes to that first Joker and how, like, gritty. And, you know, and I did enjoy the first Joker. but what was somebody had a good quote about it. It's like it's deep if you've never seen anything that's actually. It's like we all saw Donnie Darko when we were 13 or 14 years old.

It's very like this would blow your mind if you haven't seen enough films and don't. This is one of this is. Oh my God, how many times I would listen to that in the dark and just be like, nobody understands me. I'm Donnie right now. I'm sitting in the dark. Oh, I'm so sad. Jackie Darkos, it's just anytime I see anything where it's like, oh, wow,

they're going to do something crazy. Do some crazy. That's all I want. I just want, if you're going to give us more fucking joker shit, at least just go weird, you know, I suppose like, it's even that newer Batman, it's like, yes, he's brooding. And it's like, I like at least that he's like a sad

gop-boy Batman, but it's still Batman. It's still the same kind. It's all in the same vein of dark and gritty and, you know, whatever. And if it's going to be gritty, then I want the mascot gritty in there as well. Make a gritty the mascot musical. That's a great idea.

Yeah, yeah. Now we're talking. Now we're fucking talking. I just, I just, I was like, that's crazy. And then also I totally called it. I was like, Gaga, go do over the top. Yeah, you called this like last week and you made it happen. Yeah.

And then seeing her attached to it, I was like, yes, this is the direction. I want to see, because I want to see her act more. I don't want her to like stop doing it. I think she's doing some cool stuff with it. But House of Gooch was not the newt. You know what I mean?

I mean, I'm sorry to bring up Riverdale for the third time in this episode, but I really feel like. Yes, that was just got signed on for two more seasons though because you brought it up three times in one time. I thought you were being serious.

Careful. And I got upset. Did you get scared? I need my life back. But, But Riverdale is the model for a comic book turning into a dark, gritty show. And then also doing musicals. So I just kind of feel like Joker the musical is a little bit Riverdale-y to be like,

we are a dark, we are like a dark comic book. But what if we did it as a musical? Because Riverdale does at least one musical a season. And so I just want to think that, you know, maybe Riverdale's influencing the rest of the pop culture. How do we get that word? Like, how do we get that sound clip to Joaquin Phoenix to make his soul die? Like, oh yeah, what you're doing,

it's a lot like Riverdale, like Joe O'CW. I love it, yeah. So, yeah, no, keep dancing. Keep dancing up and down the steps. I should like be in the show. I will say it's totally, you know, I'm already calling it, though. It's not going to be like what I would want,

which is just a full-on 1950s style, like, giant musical that's like totally just one thing. It's going to be dance in the dark, right? It's going to be, he's going to be living in the real world and it's going to be all gritty and the mascot will be there and everything, right? And then it'll cut to this like sleek, shiny musical number because he's like, because it's in his head. Well, they should do it like lay miss and just treat it like a straight, like a Broadway show film. Or I would even say like White Christmas or like just go big. Or like Sia's music.

Like the movie music. I don't even like that. We're joking a lot of shit right now, man. Riverdale too many times we were revoking fucking that thing that we all watched in Henry's place.

You watched it? Yes. You watched it. We didn't talk you about that? No. Did we decide we weren't going to say anything about it because we were scared

to admit that we watched it? We had to watch it and we'll say we refused to pay money for it. We did pirate it because we all refused to pay money for it and give any money towards Syria.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Did I just burst this? I do remember now being like We shouldn't even talk about it. It's just so problematic every way. Fast forwarded, like every time all of us would go, Jesus, we would fast forward. Like, just watch the next musical part.

And then we would play it again. We're like, oh my God, actor Alizano. What are you doing? Oh, my God. Kate Hudson's why? Yeah, we were watching it to appreciate a filmic experience. We were watching it to. Oh, yeah.

No, I had a cat. We were cats. I could imagine catsing it. Yeah. Yeah. But probably was not even worth it. We had some good laughs. If I recall, we did have some good laughs.

Because we were all high as shit. And it was like one o'clock in the morning. Yeah. That's also the difference too. Oh, for sure. But yeah, exactly. You can hate, you know, you can hate. It's fine.

Very upsetting. Don't recommend it. But anyway, wait, this is where we started. Brittany Spears and Madonna kissed at the wedding. I'm the thread keeper today. and... Oh, the threat. Will the thread keeper appear in the next

Joker film? Oh, no. The threadkeepers attacking the city. They never let you know. They'll always let you know where the conversation started. This started at the wedding. No!

It certainly did. They kissed at the wedding. And don't worry, Paris Hilton also was there and they love, love, love, love. that she said, I was actually asked to DJ for the president and all of the other presidents

from around the world for dinner. But this was more important to me. At first you were like, yeah, of course she did because that would be Boros-Norra and I was like, yeah, maybe if it was just Biden, but that's kind of crazy

that she passed up performing in front of all the presidents of the world. But have you seen Paris Hilton's DJ like stuff? I love it. I can't imagine all the president's The world would be.

It surprises me that they would, yeah, that they would want her to perform for the presidents of the world. I love that she said they asked me to perform for the president because it allows me to believe, I think there is a 60% chance that she does not know who the president is right now. Like that's why she didn't say they asked me

to do it for Biden and she just said, the president. Well, according to Facebook, Biden's just a shadow president. And yeah, JFK, I believe, is coming back to take his place, Oh, go for him. I'm in some really fun groups over there. That's a comeback.

I tell you what, it's a comeback we didn't expect. I am proud of her for still going. And you know, a Paris Hilton looked great. And I love, like, I just, I love, I really do. I love the pictures of just like her and Reese Witherspoon. I'm sorry, not Reese Witherspoon. Drew Barrymore. You know what?

Sometimes I confuse it too. You know, that's a confession. That Drew Barrymore was there and she looked really happy. And Selena Gomez was there. she looked really happy. And it just looked like a genuinely fun, happy affair, which outside of having, you know, your ex-husband crash it and then have to be brought up on a felony stalking charge,

isn't it so great that she had such a beautiful day? Yeah. Yeah, I'm happy for her. I think it's hilarious that, like, she had, like, Selena Gomez was the one of these things is not like the other to me because I was like, yes, Drew Barrymore, totally, like, peaked it around the same, like, Drew Barrymore's had a very long career, but was, was very hot at the same time as Britney Spears was in the 90s, you know,

Madonna, like, we're going, we're talking about, you know, people from this person, this 40-year-old person's, like, you know, life experience and cultural references. And then Salita Gomez was in, like, every picture. I was like, why is this, like, very young person there? But I'm happy for all of them. Yeah. It's amazing. I'm trying to do actually, like, now, like, oh. on the scene research,

because I wonder if it had something to do with the fact that, like, Selena Gomez also is a Disney person. It makes sense thematically. It just doesn't make sense chronologically. Jackie, all you need to do is put on your Selena Gomez mask and you will immediately know the secrets. Someone put me in a Hulu show with Martin's short.

Wow, what's it called? So, am I in the Hulu show? George and C. Martin? Yeah, yeah. I'll put on my Steve Martin mask. Hey, I'm Steve Martin. King, Tut. King, Todd.

Look at how, man, theater school really paid off. Can you tell? Just absolutely wonderful. Now let's go to the orgy party tonight. Which orgy party would we going to? You never had a couple orgies pop up during your stay at theater school. You guys were a little more square than us. What?

Oh, no, no. Oh no. Oh, no. That was, you know, it's always the musical theater ones. So you always got to watch out for. They always had the lingerie parties. Yeah, yeah. Everybody's singing and everybody's kissing. And it's why they were my favorite parties. You're going to say everybody's singing, everybody's kissing, and I'm not going to be there. By the way, there will be a lingerie party scene in the Joker 2 musical. Oh, I can. Oh, me-ho. Like, I feel like she's going to try to do a rip-off of Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors. And I'm, I'm scared of it. But I will 100% wash it. Oh, I'm so ready for it. Jokes, jokes. I love to tell some jokes.

You're a dumb bloke. I would love to write for that. I will say something else that has brought a smile to my face. I had to include this because Jeff had sent me this article talking about John Sina. Now, I think all of us have watched Peacekeeper at this point. And I am starting to watch John Sina more. I think he's really great in every... comedy movie I've seen him in.

And this was such an adorable fucking story that John Sina flew to, I forget where he actually flew to. Was it the Netherlands? Yeah, yeah, Amsterdam. That there was a nonverbal teen with Down syndrome from Ukraine. And his family had to flee the Ukraine because of the Russian invasion. And his mom told him that they were going to go meet his favorite wrestling. John Sina and that's why they had to leave because they needed to get him to move. And so they lied to him about it and the word got out online, got to John Sina.

He found out with enough time he had three days off of work from some movie that he's shooting overseas. He flew to Amsterdam where they were heading to to meet him and give him a WWF belt and meet him. and I watched this video and I just cried and cried and cried. I love John Cena so much, and he seems like he's such a genuinely good person. Can you imagine taking your three days off and being like, no, I'm going to go do this. This is something that I have to do. And it's nice because of a show of character. Like John Cena, you know, I feel like there's a lot of like kind of like disability inspiration things with celebrities that like often like feel really gross.

And John Cena is just so genuine. He's just like, and like, of course, the family speaks Ukrainian. They have a translator there or an interpreter, but like, you know, like John Cina is just like, hey, what's up? You know, it's just like he's just so John Cina-e, like, and it just felt like totally not condescending, not, it just felt like, yeah, whatever. I'll go, I'll go beat this Ukrainian refugee family. I think it's great. He's what, he's got the record for the most make-a-wish kid visits. Like, he's amazing.

Oh, this is like a, this is part of his. Oh, you haven't looked into this? Oh, my God. He's the record holder for Make a Wish Kid visits. Oh, that's nice. That's why he seems so genuine and so, like, not. That's like his thing. He goes and visits sick kids.

And, yeah, if you want to, like, cry, just like, look up John Cena's Make a Wish stuff. It's, like, crazy. He, yeah, yeah. That's why I'm, like, waiting for them to find a bunch of, like, beheaded sex workers in his mansion. Don't say that. So perfect. You know? what I mean? He's just like flawless to me. Knock on wood. I don't want it to happen, but I'm just like,

how is this guy so good? Like he's so, like he's, and he's so talented. He's genuinely funny. Like, he's been like the heel and the wrestling thing for so long and he's so good about like being so cool about that. And then just, and then goes off and is like this great actor. Like I loved him in Train Rec that, uh, Amy Schumer film. He was so funny in that. Blockers. Please watch Blockers. Like as someone that does not like to watch. comedy as well. I mean, it is called cock blockers. That's why they just call it blockers.

Oh, okay. Sorry, I forgot. But John Cena's amazing in it. He's so fucking funny in it. Yeah, I didn't watch that movie because the name of it made me mad because I was like, don't name a movie cock blockers. And if we can't say cock blockers. He's a really good as a bird in flockers, by the way.

He does a great job. You're like, is that a bird or a man? I can't even tell. Yeah, he's great. I'll watch him do almost anything. I'm just, um, And he's also one of those people that, like, I've read into where he doesn't just do things with, like, because the cameras are there. Like he does a lot of these make a wish things where it's not, like you said, like even MJ, like the fact that it's not something that we talk about on here very often.

It's because it's something that it's just ingrained in him that he does. That is not always just for like the show of it as well, which we do see a lot of it. Like, of course he's doing it. It looks really great for his metrics. you know, but I'm in love with him. And he's not my type physically, but he is my type emotionally. Didn't you want to know? But can, I know we have to get to the celebrity conspiracy,

but I had a couple more things to tick off with the boxes here. I mean, I definitely want to very quickly talk about this Beck Delta's Fire Island thing. Is it so funny. It actually invaded my, my quip last stream yesterday. yesterday. We'll do a themed, we'll do a stipulation run of quiplash. Like, everything has to rhyme or like every answer has to involve like a food item. And we, last night, we did every answer, every quibblash answer has to fail the Bechel Tess. It was one of the funniest rounds of quibals. It just kept being like, I'm boy crazy. Like every answer had to be about like liking boys. And it was so funny. But yeah, this Fire Island thing, this person came on. I just, it's one of my favorite, like, Twitter things that we've now come across culturally, where, like, someone is trying to be so, uh, like, for lack of a better word,

like, woke or whatever, that they over correct. Yes. They go over and you're like, oh, all right, dude, pull it back. Tote it down. So what's, you saw Fire Island. So maybe you could give a better description of, uh, of this, right? I thought you saw it, right, Jackie? Oh, yeah, yeah.

I talked about it last week that, like, essentially like, Fire Island was like a pride and prejudice that it was that starring Joel Kim Booster and who wrote it as well and it is about a circle of just like fun gays that are going to Fire Island for a week. They always go every week out of the summer and it is just like I said,

it's like a pride and prejudice type thing. It's just a great fun summer popcorn. And there's great like Asian American queer representation and a lot of stuff like that. It's delightful. And also, Jackie, I feel like it's your like answer to that. Christmas movie that y'all despised

with Kristen Stewart. One with Kristen Stewart. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's what they were trying to do with the Christmas Stewart movie, I feel, but they did it successfully with Fire Island. And then... Yeah, so this writer named Hannah Rosen, who is, you know, like a well-established writer, tweeted that Fire Island failed the Bechdel test. If you're not familiar,

the Bechdel test is this kind of like joke but has become a real, you know, thing that people discuss from this feminist, theorist named Alison Bechdel, theorist, I don't know, feminist named Alison Bechdel, where it's like, it has to be two women in a movie, two women talking to each other, not about a man. And, you know, when she created this test, it was amazing because it was like, oh my God, like most movies don't pass this. Like, love actually does not pass it. Like, you can count, you know, we can make a, it's a, it's a, it's very useful, very fun, very funny, you know, little thing. But to be like, oh, this movie about like queer, you know, Asian American men who are like one of the perhaps least represented category

of intersection of identities in film to be like, this doesn't pass the Bechtel test. And also said, do we just ignore the drab lesbian stereotypes because cute gay Asian boys? Is this revenge for all those years of the gay boy? best friend, let them have their moves. It's like, Fire Island's great. It's a great movie. It was like infantilizing to queer Asian men. It was like so, and so much so that, I mean, so then it created a lot of people on

Twitter were like, are you fucking serious? So much so that Alice and Bechdel herself came on Twitter and was like, okay, here's an amendment to the Bechdel test. If it's like, I should find that quote. And he said, I just added a corollary to the Bechdel test. two men talking to each other about the female protagonist of an Alice Monroe story in a screenplay structured on a Jane Austenol equals pass.

Hashtag Fire Island, hashtag Becktell does. Thank you, Allison Becktell. It's so funny. To their credit, they've already been dragged for this so bad. And she apologized. Do we even name the name? They apologize. They feel really bad about it.

She was, you know, and the apology was like, you know, this is where I wronged and whatever. But it is. But a lot of it. You know, and it's a tone thing. You know what? It's guys, can we just, can we just, it's so, like, snooty and talking down to the way that tweet was worded.

So just stop being like that. Stop tweeting. Don't tweet like this. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-e-mm-y-mm. Like, if that's your tweet tone, stop it. Knock it off. It's not worth, it's just not, uh-uh, uh-huh, it's like so self-satisfied. And everyone just goes.

I know exactly what you're talking about, right? You're right. Yeah, I'll wait. Yeah, it usually ends with all weight. It is just like, okay, I get it. And there's great points made too in those tweets, but I still kind of hate them because of the way they're come across. It just is so, ugh.

But anyways, I loved that. That was great. I feel like, you know, it's useful because, like, the Bechdel test was and continues to be incredibly useful, but of course, like, it's not the only framework with which we should understand, like, representation. And I feel like it was just this total. total swing and miss to be like, the Bectdale test doesn't pass in this movie, but to be like,

okay, but think about what else is happening. Right. It's just so hard when like your, your kind of bread and butter is built on making good points based in that kind of realm. And that's what this person, I forgot, they had a book that's obviously, they're very like, um, feminist forward and like, very like, you know, and, and that's fine. That's great. But, but, yeah, it's like, it's like, it becomes tricky when your whole, that's like, that's my deal on Twitter, and then you're going to end up tweeting something that shows your whole ass. And it's just, it's a very, you know, it's, I think the mistake was that it was a very kind of classic, I think the shorthand now is like white feminism.

But in this case, it was just kind of like a hetero, cisnormative heterophimism to be like, I'm centering women in my analysis of this movie that's just like not about that. You know, like it doesn't have to be about like, and so you need to expand the way that the Bechdel test is useful. to be like, oh wow, look at how little representation women have. Like, let's expand that. Maybe there's other groups that also don't have representation. And now even more than when the Bechdel test was first created, we can talk about, you know, like, and so I feel like it's, it was just a type of feminism that was just, you need to

upgrade your feminism, you know. You got to include the queers in it, you know. And at least people, you know, are willing to adjust and adapt like that person. And by the way, shoutouts. We didn't even talk about the Lizzo thing. Shoutouts to Lizzo. Yeah. for adapting and, you know, removing the, you know, the word that I, too, by the way,

did not associate at all with special needs. People, by the way, it was like news to me. And then it's, I think, more of a UK thing. But a word that is a derogatory towards people with special needs, got rid of it in the song. And within three days, the song was released. The issue was brought up. She re-sung the line of the song. pulled the whole song and redid it

and then within three days had a new version. Yeah, yeah. And apologize. That's how you, that's how you make an act change. And I think you can sit here as like the stand-up comedian would,

you know, who, by the way, are like, they're really like modern day poets and philosophers, by the way, but anyways, like, stand-up comedian would get up there and be like, no, we can't say anything more.

It's like, at the other day, it's just like, it's a word. I don't, you know. And also, Lizzo's not canceled, right? Like, I feel like, right? No. The reactionary take would be like, cancel culture comes for Lizzo, but she's not canceled. She did exactly what

you're supposed to do if you make a mistake, which is to be like, oh, I made a mistake, I'll fix it, you know? I definitely can see the like, like, I feel like I was more minded towards like, slippery, oh, we can't say anything anymore. And like, now it's just like, dude, it's just one fucking word. There's so many fucking words out there. There's, it's, it's okay. You know what I mean? And there's a lot, like, for me, that word, and I think the way she was using it is like someone who, in my head, it was like someone who drank too much coffee and they're like, jittery and shit, you know what I mean? Like that's what, you know, that's what I kind of, there's someone who's just kind of like,

you know, I never thought of it as a special news person, but at the same time, there's a lot of other words that also mean that wouldn't fuck with, you know, that's not this like hugely derogatory thing. Yeah. You can come up with a bunch of, what did she change it to? Do we know? Well, whatever. We're running out of time.

But also just doesn't shock. We don't have time to talk about it. It doesn't shock me, but still hilarious that Netflix is doing a actual squid game, reality game show. And is, I yelled, I yelled about it in our articles,

email just because it was like, they're making a, so the not only Squid game got a second season, but they're making a competition show. And I'm like, if they don't get murdered as they play the kids games, then what? I don't want to want adults playing kids games.

I'm going to say it straight up. They all better be fucking poor. And dying. Yeah. It's better be in rags and like they have to be there. I want them to be abused. Child brides. I want the only child brides.

Only child brides. With different giblets, this would be perfect so that you could identify it with the giblets. Gibbets, please, Holden. You can't say it's mispronounced the word in front of MJ known to crox lover renowned. Unbelievable. Everyone's tagging me in their pictures of their crafts.

Yeah, everybody. I love MJ. It's just like, I wore it once. This is not. Everyone's like, look at Jake. We all know you love crocs. It's me and you wearing your, where in their clock. Crocks.

So good. Unbelievable. All right, well, I will say this is a pretty brief celebrity conspiracy this week. Anyways, as we have run a little over time here on the other stuff, hit me with the share. Do you believe in it? Is Nick Cannon creating an army of organ donors? Oh, yes, I have heard this. Because he is looped.

right. All right, Jackie, come on. Let me get into it. Spoiler. Let me paint the, let me set the stage here. Sorry, I happened to have seen this one. This one comes in from Lauren who says,

hello, I've been listening forever and never wrote in when I saw this on TikTok today. I remember listening to an episode a while back about Nick Cannon having many kids. We've talked about it several times. It's very upsetting to us. He currently has four pregnant women out there, by the way. I think he got another one. It's insane.

And on this TikTok, this created, creator said that maybe he is having all these kids because he might need to have an organ transplant. Now, hear me out. It's known that he has lupus. Lupus is a disease. Thanks, Jackie, whatever. That would have been a big moment. Oh, that would have been the big drop. Yeah.

That would have been a big moment. Everybody listening would be like, whoa, lupus foggy. Who is old and broke off way? Wow. What is it? Yeah, that's what we think of you. listeners, by the way. We think you talk like that. What? Lupus is a disease that occurs when your body's immune system attacks your own tissues and organs. It's an autoimmune disease.

Inflammation caused by lupus can affect many different body systems, including your joints, skin, kidneys, blood cells, brain, heart and lungs. The TikTok I attach talks more about it. They attach to TikTok going into all that. It's out there. Go check it out. What if he's having all these kids, not because he's having a midlife crisis, but because he wants to make sure he has an organ match if he ever needs a transplant. Also, I love you, page seven. I listen to it every Friday has a great way to end a long work week. Love you all. Thank you, Lauren. Thank you so much, Lauren. I will say not to invoke it a fourth time in one episode. Oh, that's the amount of times women are pregnant. I was hoping you would, Jackie. You take this one. I mean, if they did it in Riverdale,

where they were having, they had an organ harvesting cult so that they could have organs to, well, we never quite found out what they needed the organs for. Yeah, there was no clear need for the organs. No, they were going to bring them to space. We did know that Edgar Ever and ever was going to bring them to space in his rocket ship that he built. So I'm going to also slap Riverdale on here

and say, yes, I believe. God. And maybe it is an organ harvesting cult that he's creating. members for. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think we take lupus out of it, but we do consider the organ harvesting regardless. You know, I think that is the lupus in one way or the other. I think that Nick Cannon is clearly creating a cult. Yes. Right. And cults often harvest organs. Because, you know, it's interesting. It's not like, it's not like a ball, it's not like a lair-a situation where it's all one dick,

you know what I mean? And one woman vagina, right? Got to disseminate that. Well, with Hilaria, we don't even know, though, because there was two of those babies were like five months apart. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah, right, that's right, but she uses other women purportedly, but still, he's out there flowering, you know, he's pollinating many broads. It's thrown out there, sister wives. What if they're sister wives?

Child-price. It is a sister-wife situation, except that there's no marriage as far as I understand, which, again, fine, take marriage out of it. It always comes back to, you know, to that. What is that? Yeah. It always comes back to many women being in a relationship with. with one man a la sister wives. Mormonism and Riverdale are the themes today.

Are the themes. You have to have at least three wives to be able to get into their eternity. Then you make more soldiers for your eternal life. Gibbets, perfect. And then you put a slap a gibbet on there. Are the gibbets represent the soul, right? Lord, I believe.

I believe as well. I believe it, I believe it. Well, I believe in a thing called love, all right? Just listen to the rhythm of the heart. Yeah. But regardless, thank you, Lauren, for that. And that's a wild one. That's a per, I think that's perfect conspiracy fodder right there.

I believe as well, you know, or he wants them to be like soldiers in his army of, you know, spiritual warriors. Yeah, where the war happens at Pop Steiner. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. I think if one, yeah, exactly. Do you think Nick Cannon's just basing his life on River? Like, if something happens in Riverdale, he, like, manifests it in, and. real life?

Interesting. I mean, it could be. It definitely could be. I think it's time for the next thing that involves numbers. The list. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Odd hobbies of our favorite celebrities.

Tom Hanks collects vintage typewriters. We knew that. You knew that. No, we do. We knew that. But I didn't know that Taylor Swift makes snow globes. Oh, my God. How much would I?

I would murder so many people just to get one of those. Because she enjoys making, quote, Christmas in a jar with glitter. Oh my God, of course she does. If anybody has their hands on a snow globe that was made by Taylor Swift, can you please part with it?

Set it to hold so that he doesn't kill me and Jackie. So I don't kill, because I will absolutely kill them. If Taylor Swift, I don't know why she'd want me to kill my ghost, but I would super do it, Taylor. So just let me know, like tomorrow. I'll go. You know. Yeah, he's going to see us both this weekend.

It would be a perfect opportunity. I introduced the gun already. No, it's the first act. Taylor Swift and the second act has to tell me I have to kill you guys to get a snow globe. Third act, baby. Here we come. I'm ready for it. Oh, I'm scared.

Yeah, we are going to be seeing Holden this weekend. I mean, MJ is going to be seeing us as well at Nashville. And hopefully you guys will be popping out there. And we can't wait to meet you guys this weekend. But I also wish that we could probably play a little bit of ping pong. with Susan Sarandon. Apparently, the Oscar winner is a huge fan of ping pong. Seamless.

Seamless integration back into the list, Jackie. Thank you. Thank you. That it's a game that people of any size age or gender can play competitively against one another. I think that that's crack just filling in why Susan Sarandon likes ping pong so much. But apparently she does support a program that brings ping pong tables

to unprivileged school. I think that that is, like, maybe they need books. I was going to say, I'm like, feed us, please. We don't need the ping pong tables. We want food. We need sustenance. But yeah, that's fine. Ping pong?

Did you mean to say big pun? Because I think they need ping pong. Crys candy. I didn't know that Beyonce has actual beehives, which, can you imagine how much, the queen bee yourself has two beehives with 80,000 bees collecting hundreds of jars of honey each year. Cool.

You imagine what a side gig it would be. that I hope that she gives it away as gifts or something, but like she could sell that fucking honey for so much money. Love that. And that also makes me wish T. Swift had had like a snake

cave. Or a ratkin. I think Lex would have something to say about that if you needed more of Taylor Swift snakes. Well, as you remember, we all went to that show. That's when I felt love of T. Swift and one of the funniest parts was almost immediately at the beginning of her said a giant golden snake, like massive golden snake comes out onto the stage.

And I was just like, yes! Like, oh my God, what is that? I almost bought a dress for a wedding that is upcoming and it had snake print all over it. And I couldn't buy the dress because of Lex. Look out for Lex. They have this snake lamp and they cover it when she comes over. It is so sweet how much you guys look out for her. I'm sure if you got a snake print dress, Lexi would be like,

but she wouldn't like be unable to hang out with you. or something, you'd be fine. So funny. You gotta respect. And do you respect Shailene Woodley for making her own toothpaste? I don't know. Isn't something that you need to add into your life?

I don't know if I would consider it a hobby. But she does make her own toothpaste. I don't know. She's got like survivalist vibes to me. Like also the fact that she's with that football player who's anti-vats. Not anymore. Not anymore.

Really? Over. It's over. Ended that engagement. I feel like some people who make their own toothpaste, it's like, yeah, right on. I don't know why you do that, but it's probably for good reasons. And then other people who make their own toothpaste, it's like, ooh, you might be doing this as part of like a constellation of a really weird set of beliefs, you know?

I really realized how much mayo I used when I decided for a while to make my own mayo, because it's actually pretty easy to make, but I was like, it's not worth it with how much mayo I use. Not anymore. I am changing. I have to work on my cholesterol. So I had to cut down on the mayo intake. It turns out. I'm glad we're talking about it. Can't just slap mayo on celery for a snack anymore. I didn't, I promise I didn't do that. But last but on a log. It's not a lot,

but a different version. On a snowy log. No, it's just, yeah, it's a Christmas scene. Yeah, cum log, yeah. Yeah, it's a cum log, please. Don't sugarcoat it, Jackie. It's a cum log. Last but not least, Paris Hilton

is a frog hunter. The socialite is admitted that one of her favorite past signs is to grab a bucket and catch some frogs at her various ranches sounds amazingly inexpensive. This just made me think of Marcus and I made me want to take a picture of it

and send it to Marcus, be like, did you know because Marcus classically also does not like frogs? It doesn't like them, doesn't trust them. And that's an old Texas belief of his. And I'm not saying that all people from Texas don't like frogs. People are weird.

Some people are weird about frogs. I love frogs. Yeah, who doesn't like frogs? I'm fine with a frog. I'm fine with a frog. I need a frog on my city stoop because I got a fly problem. Oh, no. I need to get like a porch frog.

It was a lot. Yeah. Next, oh, you can get a, you can get a, a partner for Gemsie. Yeah, I need like a, like a living partner. I'm going to mail you a bag of spiders, all right? And you just let him out on the porch. Yeah, that's not out to the porch. Okay.

Yeah, that'll solve my problem. That's going to solve all the problems. But that's a list for you. All right. Well, it looks like I can't see. I think I'm going. Blind items. Oh, we can't see them.

We got some fun ones for you guys today. I like this one. It's kind of also a news story. Had to wait for the documentary, but it confirmed what I told you last year. The A-list, everything in her mind's celebrity, was not happy about having to share the stage with the form-born one-name singer Jackie Knows. Jennifer Lopez.

I haven't watched the doc yet? Half-time. I'm so excited to watch this documentary. It's on Netflix. Who she's hair the stage with? Shakira. Remember who she had? Remember?

It was a co-headliner. I didn't want to talk about it. I want to get into it after we watch the dock because I feel like that doc is going to give us a lot. A lot. I love this too. I think it's all just the preparation for that halftime show, right? Is that the whole doc? I love a thing like that where it's like here, let's take a slice of someone's life and, like, show you this kind of moment.

Like homecoming, yeah. Yeah. 2020 Super Bowl halftime show, of course, is what this refers to. and performing with Shakira. We get some interesting moments in this upcoming Netflix documentary. Yes, it's called halftime, which is about the event,

including one in which she is upset talking to music director, Kim Burst, about sharing the stage with Shakira. J-Lo said in The Dock, we have six fucking minutes. We have 30 seconds of a song. And if we take a minute, that's it. We've got five left.

But there's got to be certain songs that we sing, though. We have to have our singing moments. It's not going to be a dance fucking review. We have to sing our message. This is the worst idea in the world To have two people do the Super Bowl It was the worst idea in the world

I think another idea was maybe a little worse That'd be the Holocaust, J-Lo, I don't know Maybe that was the worst idea of the world Maybe child brides are the worst idea of the world J-Lo, not your half-time dance review But anyways, no, I love it I just love how everyone of her blinds I do actually like really love J-Lo

And if you notice, every time she's at the Blydes, it's for some silliness like this, which is fun. I love her. Yeah. All right, moving on. Only four more days until Swinger Sunday. That is the name bestowed upon Father's Day by this A-plus list, mostly movie actor who sometimes directs.

In the past, there have been dozens of participants. As he has aged, the number has dwindled somewhat. He's also said mean stuff about... Mel Gibson. Yes. There you go. Really? How did you know, Jackie?

I don't know. I'm just, the second you said, and he also was like, it's Mel Gibson, whatever it is. He said mean stuff about. Yeah, yeah. As you talked about him,

as my face squinched up more, I was like, this is someone, it has to be someone we don't like. Right, right, right. Swinger Sunday, coming up, huh? My first Swinger Sunday,

guys. What are you going to do for Swinger Sunday, holding? Well, unfortunately, I'll be in Nashville for most, or traveling for most of it.

So we're going to kind of celebrate more on Monday. So Swinger Sunday will happen on Monday. So how many like a plethora of people are coming to your house for the... Right, right. We're converting the master bathroom into the dick suck room. And very excited about it. We'll see men, women. Yeah.

Yeah, everybody. So it would be great. But no child brides, all right? I'm not that kind of weirdo. You know what I'm proud of you for saying that. You're welcome for saying that. Yeah, thank you. All right.

This is the last one. By the way, it's not actually funny child brides, but it's just so dark that you have to make sure. No, especially after watching hours of that documentary. Yeah. Like you have to smile because it's so brutally upsetting. All right. Last one.

This A-list actress, all of you know, is married. For her entire adult life, she has had the same actor best friend who she always mentions slash name drops slash discusses. Apparently, they have had sex, which brings them up a whole bunch. which brings up a whole bunch of other questions in my mind. Classic.

Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. No, they were in a film together that we all, we had to watch growing up. Wild things. No, that's, we didn't have to watch a wildness. We had to watch it. It's a coming of age. No, this was different. That not, it's not a, well, it is a horny teenager movie, but like a horny teenager movie.

But like, a horny teenage movie. When is Paltrow and Ethan Hawke from Gattaca? Titanic? No, it's more of like a. universally watched thing. Titanic. Yes. Everyone was forced to watch Gattaca.

Everyone watched Gattaca. No, we were. I've never seen Gattaca. You never saw Gattaca. Never seen Gattaca. I think I've seen like 15 minutes. I think I've seen 15 minutes of it. I was bored to pieces.

Of course. I thought that everyone was forced to watch Gattaca in biology class whatever, like, that was just like the movie that all the teachers played. Whatever. That was the movie. That's insanity. 25 times. Really?

Wow. What? That's since no. Yes. It's part of the reason why Hayquins Paltrow. I'm sorry. That's because of the great expectations. I'm thinking of great expectations. Right, right. All right. Yes, Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, they recently were able to reunite after the COVID pandemic. And Kate said in an interview, I've known him for half a life. It's not like I'm in New York or he's in London. And there's a chance to have dinner or have coffee and talk. He's my friend, my very close friend. We are connected for the rest of our lives.

connected by the cock and the vagina, perhaps. Isn't that interesting? Wow. Maybe. I mean, I want them to be friends. I want them to be fuck friends if they want. I want them, I want whatever they want with each other. Or at the very least suck friends.

You know what I mean? Some people just suck and that's fine. But in the fun way. And yeah, whatever, fuck her suck. I'm happy for you guys. And, you know, cheat on that hubby girl. It's fine. It's Leo.

Yeah, you should have a celebrity pass for Leo even though you actually know. Right. That would be annoying though, where it's like, you can't have the celebrity pass for Leo. You were in a movie with him. Celebrity. That's my celebrity pass. That's my celebrity pass.

I still get to fuck him. You guys are incredibly close friends. You definitely have the chance to fuck him. Celebrity pass. Celebrity pass. That's my celebrity pass. You know, it makes me like Leo more too because the girls he dates are so young. And I feel like if he can, I mean, who couldn't get it horny for Kate Winslet.

But I want him to be with somebody nice who is. more of an equal to him, you know? Right, right. I mean, it's why I watched all of that mountain movie with her and Idriselba. You know, I didn't care about it. I can't believe you watched that movie. The mountain between us.

Woo. Yep. What a waste of beauty in that movie. It was so cold, MJ. Oh, my God. They had to lay on each other for warmth, MJ, you don't understand. Now I just want to watch that again.

And that's saying something. And I want to, I'm doing Gattaca over here. Yeah. Umah. Can you see enough to watch Gataka? Yes, I may see again, and I can't believe what mine eyes behold, the end of the episode. Yep, the glory of the Lord.

Yep. Coming to Lord. And I feel great about it. It's my cummy logs. I don't eat mayo on celery anymore. Thank you guys so much for joining us. I'm feeling really good. I feel really strong. I'm really excited about Nashville this weekend. I'm excited to meet a lot of you guys and I can't wait for it. And I am feeling full of smiles, especially since you've gotten this far into the episode, even though we talked about child brides as often as we did. And Riverdale, I'll throw it out there. My name is Jackie's Gross.

Yeah, honestly, that's way worse than the child brides, I think, in terms of palatibility. You can follow me on Instagram and check that worm. You follow us on page. LPN on TikTok and also come hang out over on Twitch. Not TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. I'm starting to play The Sims based on the LPN characters in our existence. Also talk to a sex therapist with an open non-judgmental forum every Tuesday. And I do gloss with the beautiful Alexis Robbins-McNeely every other Sunday. Hell yeah, dude. And then I bang daddies on the other Sundays besides that when I'm not in Nashville.

It's just Alexis Robin. She refused to take my last name. I thought it was hyphenated. You guys don't do hyphenated? No, that's fine, though. Well, the invitation is married out to Alexis Robbins-McNeely, and she's going to have to come anyway. Let her see what it would have been like.

Yep, she can feel it. But I'll also say that you should also check out Mastream. I do a judgmental sex therapy show. We love to judge you, and we will be letting you know whether or not we think the stuff you're into is okay or not. and we'll go like, ew, we have an ooh, we have a sex therapist as well. No, check me out, Twitchout TV4 slash Holdenators Ho. Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams, Jack it with the Holies on Fridays.

It's always a party. Technically this week, not happening because of the Nashville show, but usually Fridays from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. E.T. Also, check us out page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Send in those conspiracy theories. Send in those blind items. Page the number 7, it's a numeral podcast. Sajima.com, and of course, as always, patron.com forward slash page seven podcast.

M.J. My name is M.J. And I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. Now it's time for the shout-out song. Are you all ready to say? Are you doing a pre-song for a song? Pre-song for a song? Pre-sol. It was a song epa-tease before we get to the feast holding. Oh, my God. Shout. Shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We'll read them to you. Come on. Thank you so incredibly much for always sending in such amazing shoutouts to page seven

podcast at gmail.com. It always brings a smile to my face. I love you all so much. And that is again, you can send your shoutouts in to page seven podcast at gmail.com. First of all, I want to thank you Apes McKeysm. Neil, Aiswick Neal from our chat community, just here to let you know to stop stressing, because ball sex that you hang on the back of crocs do in fact exist. The many sleepless nights wondering if you can ever wear genitals on your feet are over.

I, for one, could not be happier. Finding this info was even better than the birth of both of my children. I knew the page of a community would just absolutely love and not be infuriated by this info. Please be like Apes McNeil. Better than the birth of both of their children. Look up ball sacks for Crocs. Very important. Thank you so much, Apes.

Speaking of Apes, oh my God, seamless transition, Jackie. I want to say thank you so. much to Haley who wrote in, I am going to read all of this, and I really appreciated it because actually, also Haley, it's an organization that's near and dear to my heart as well. So, Haley says, first time, long time. I was on the fence about writing you this email, but I think it's really important. And since you're all friends of Ed the Monkey King Larson, you might find it interesting as well. Last week during the blind items, you mentioned some of the Ellen Show nastiness.

Hard to agree that everything that has come out about the working conditions and abusive power structure of that show is just awful. I believe it was the great philosopher, Wendy Williams, who said, death to all of them. Ellen is also in the news right now for donating a lot of money to an organization called the Diane Fosse Guerrilla Fund. I'm not writing this to defend her character. I'm really nervous that her nastiness will distract or prevent people from knowing that the the Fosci Fund is working really hard to protect two critically endangered gorilla species in Rwanda, as well as the people that share their habitat. Now, Haley says, I can't say enough good things about the Fossi Fund or the guerrillas they protect.

Gorillas share 98% of our DNA and exhibit absolutely all of humanity's best qualities, eating, sleeping, and generally loving and taking really good care of each other. They also are the gardeners of the jungle cultivating the same ecology that humans are currently destroying. The Fosci Fund not only studies these guerrillas in the wild, but also trains and hires locals to research and protect them as well. I wanted to say that actually for Eddie's 40th birthday, I adopted him a whole gorilla family through the Diane Fossi Fund. Now, of course, you know, it's not like they're sending them over from Rwanda, but we do, I do keep up the payment for them to be provided for it. And you can do that for the Diane Fossey Fund. And it's one of the, it's amazing because then you get like newsletters of what's going on with the guerrillas.

They actually, because I did a bunch of research into an organization that would actually use the money for what it's being asked for. And the Diane Fossey Fund is that. So I completely agree with you, Haley. Haley continues on and saying, I was hoping you could let my fellow page seven listeners know that the Fossey Fund truly is the real deal. They have an amazing Instagram account where they post facts and facts. field videos of all the sweet gorilla babies at saving gorillas. At the very least, maybe you could let Ed know where all the good gorilla content is. As my first big adult donation, I symbolically adopted a little two-year-old gorilla named

Trindle, which you could also do through the site. Oh my God, I just said, I'm sorry, I didn't finish reading the email. Y'all know I love to give myself a surprise. I just got so excited when you start talking about the Diane Fossey Fund. In summary, Ellen Big sucks, and gorillas are worth our time, attention, and potentially some of our hard-earned scratch. Love you so much, Haley. I've been listening since you were 18 years old, and I just want to send all of my love to you, and thank you so much for writing in about such an important cause. Next up, oh, hell yeah, you know, I love a self-shadow. You know I love

a self-shadowed. Oh, my God, from Apetiz to Apoen knees. Ugh, when am I being holding right now? J.D., I want to say congratulations to you. Jady says I'm writing to shout out myself and my big move. I've lived in Asia for the past nine years, and at the end of June, I'm heading back to America permanently. I've got a new job. I'm taking my two cats with me, and I'm going to live with my wonderful boyfriend after the Roo-Roo has kept us apart for the best of three years. Oh, I'm sorry. It's daunting to make such a big change after so long, but I feel really confident, excited, and proud of myself for

choosing love. I'm proud of you too, J.D. B, I love you, and I can't wait to build our life together. J.D. says, I look forward to listening to page seven and Riverdale Roundup every week, and I want you and MJ to know that I, too, am in my 30s, and I've seen every episode of Riverdale, the best part of watching Riverdale, trying to explain it to other people. Now, I hear you, baby. Oh my God, Riverdale has just come up so much today, and it fills me with so much joy. Congrats to you, J.D. And good luck with the move. You got this.

I'll include you in my energy ritual this week, and I'm sending you all of my love. And last but not least, another Riverdale love. And thank you so much, Jennifer, for sending in this beautiful shout out. Jennifer says, I just have to share this with you. I have been listening to page seven forever. And I think a holden joining was perfect. The three of you together is magical. Thank you for saying that, Jennifer.

Jennifer says I recommended page 7 to my late brother, and we used to chat about the episodes regularly. He was always trying to convince me to get into Riverdale, and finally I did. And we loved Riverdale Roundup. I kept watching Riverdale for two reasons, for my brother and for Riverdale Roundup. Eventually, Riverdale lost me, I understand, and it just got too ridiculous for me to continue watching. My brother was disappointed, but I just couldn't do it anymore. Then about a year and a half ago, my brother died of diabetes at age 42. I just recently started watching Riverdale again for him, and because it's a way to try to stay connected to him.

But honestly, if it wasn't for Riverdale Roundup, I wouldn't be able to get through it. I hear you, baby girl. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart for continuing to discuss and pretty cool the shit out of Riverdale. It makes me laugh so hard, and I only wish I could call my brother to dish with him about it. I'm including a pick of my brother Steve, dressed as a Riverdale cheerleader for Halloween in 2019. I love you guys to ever stop. And I understand if you stop, Jennifer, but also if you ever want to just yell and scream about Riverdale, you can always email us. I love reading rants about Riverdale.

And please, if you need to get it out, I'm always absolutely here. So much love to you. And I hope that you're healing through Riverdale goes well. I know that's not just Riverdale that you're healing with, but man, can you imagine? Did you ever think that there would be something that you're like, all right, I'm going to watch Riverdale and I'm going to conquer this? And I'm so fucking proud of you, Jennifer. And I'm so sorry for your loss. All of my love to you and all of my love to absolutely everybody that is still listening right now.

Thank you so much for listening to the shoutouts. The shouts of the end are very important to me. I love our community. I love building each other up. and I love congratulating each other and also being there for each other when our community needs help. I love y'all so much

and we will be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.