Page 7 - Ep. 455: Shut Up, Chris Pratt

Episode Date: June 30, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout being commanded by songs and musicians, more Chris Pratt news(including a strange Mario update) and how he's NOT RELIGIOUS, the horror of the catsupsicle, lakes with hot takes, disturbing Leonardo DiCaprio news, a 10 year old Affleck tries to park, the Hocus Pocus 2 trailer drop.  And in celeb conspiracy corner; Does Avril Lavigne even have ears!? We're also checking out a product placement filled List, Blindz and SHOUTzZz! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

because he's a cotton candy sweet to go. Let me see that Tootsie roll. Let me see that Tootsie roll. Let me see that To the left. To the left. To the rack. To the rock. To the front.

To the back. To the back. Now dip. Baby dip. Baby dip. Baby dip. Oh, you know what you do in a dance. Oh, really?

Baby Dick. Oh, yeah. Wow. I hate it. Cotton candy sweet and low. Let me see that Tootsy roll. I, Holden, I'm going to go ahead and starting the episode out saying you are an abomination. You don't like the Tootsie Roll.

Well, you know what? You can't say Abomination without a one man's name. It's an abomination. Okay? And I prefer, that man is another man who doesn't believe in assignment dances, as I call it. I can't believe you don't love assignment dances. That's my favorite genre of dance. And also especially in Tootty Roll.

That's why I want to marry the two things. I want to marry the beautiful free art of dance with Omwer. The Art of Dance. That's the two things I want to combine into a tucy roll. you know, it's just disgusting to me. Do not tell me how to flail about. I'm just saying, oh, wow. You know, honestly, Tutsi Roll's not that bad.

It's more like the cha-cha slide. It's all the ones where you're like, this will be fun and then you do like it for like one minute. And you're like, oh, I'm over this. And then it goes on. I love it. No, it's not long enough, in my opinion. It's not long enough.

I love it. I've been having a great week because Freddie just learned the cha-cha-shy slide at school. And so it's fucking on. It's like, that's amazing. Every so often you reach these moments in parenthood where you're like, this, this is what I was waiting for. And so now I can just walk around my house and be like, slide to the left

and she'll be like slide to the right. And then we'll both be like, take it back now, y'all. I'm loving it. Well, I feel bad for my daughter because they will be banned from this house. Okay? We only have freedom of dance in this house. You get to dance the way you feel.

You're trying to tell me you're going to keep the 69 boys away from Winnie? Boys with a Z? You're going to deny Winnie this gold? How do you feel about a call and respond? How do you feel about like who let the dogs out? It's not a command, but there's an expectation that you also go who, who, who, who. I mean, I suppose, is there a lot of people that enjoy that song?

Is that what we're starting with? But how about a song where you're expected to respond? A singing. It's essentially a, it's essentially a, it's. instruction song, but instead of with your body, it's with your voice. I don't like when they make you, when they try to get you everyone to clap at a concert. But what about Sweet Caroline? Is that one that you, what about Sweet Caroline?

I was going to bring up a name. I was going to join in on singing along with. That's totally fine. No, you do that. Say yes now. Yes. Say no now. You know, I love that song.

No. The yes and no song. Yes and no song. I do. Actually, that is one of the outline. I do like that side. Not even yeah. It's yes.

Say yes now. Yes. Yeah, yeah. No. All right now, traffic signs. What color means go. Green. What color means stop?

Red. Oh, I do like that one. That song sucks ass. What are you talking about? These all suck ass. None of these. And I will say there's some, especially when you're going to see a lot of concerts.

I think it's more not like fun and novel when you're not doing that. But especially back when I was like going to music festivals whenever they'd go, all right everybody and they do the thing and make everybody clap and then like go into the song and then very quickly like switch the the the time signature and then everybody gets like awkward I just don't like the clap don't tell me what to do I'm here to enjoy your I'm not going to heckle you I'm not going to get in the way of your performance but don't tell me how to enjoy your

show okay I want to I'm going to let it fly off the handle but here's a question for you Holden, how do you feel about at a concert when they say everybody clap and then everybody claps on one and three instead of two and four? Do you explode with rage? I'm not thrilled. I'm not actually thrilled about it. I can just imagine holding at the concert

looking around and being like, it's on two and four, you know. When people are off, I mean, it's funny to people watch at that point because some people like don't know when to stop and other people get, you know, I mean, that awkward moment of like, do we keep going? You live. There's always one hold out.

There's always one hold out. and they're just trying to keep it going. And you know, you're just like, dude, it's over. They're on the next song. And it's a ballad. Like, what do you, they're just still. Sometimes, too, have you ever seen when people are so enthusiastic about like, but it's like a ballad or something?

It's like a sad moment. And then they're like, yeah. And they start clapping. You're like, this is like a moment right here like we're trying to have. But it's supportive. But sometimes the clapping is like, yeah, we got you. Right. You know, I get that.

I want to see Olivia Rodriguez so bad. but her audience is so young and so enthusiastic. And Slash has maybe never been to a concert before. So they're scream singing every song. And I just don't know. And I think that's awesome that they're into it. But I think it might fuck the whole experience for me because I just want to like see her perform.

You just want to be a 39 year old man watching Olivia Rodriguez. Sitting in your seat. By everyone around me, when he grow up so I can. But everyone, three steps forward one step back It's like all the songs Like most

I'd say most actually Of her songs are not like Screamer songs There's like good for you totally But like most of her songs are pretty Low key You betrayed me you gotta sing with that Yes I would probably

No no no choice moments But I'm saying I know that you never be a sorry Yeah of course I would also want to sing a choice moments But you know It'd be the whole concert would be that way But I do love, one thing I do love is like getting over any old man bullshit about

film, about holding the phone up and recording at big pop shows. So you're against dance songs, songs that tell you how to dance, but you're fine with the phones being up? You know, no, this is what it is. It's like letting it go. Like I think I was so judgy before at like certain concerts, like Wilco or something like that where it's like a little, even while it's not that snooty, but it's a little snootier, you know what I mean?

And so you're like, I can't believe you're filming. But if it's like a big dumb pop concert, like when I went and saw Charlie X-E-X and Taylor Swift, it's like, yeah, of course, everybody get the phones out. It's a big dumb pop show. Let's get the phones. So I think it's just letting go of like, yes, I do still think it's obnoxious because, you know, why do all these people need of, like, you're never going to look at that again. How many times have you gone back into your phone and actually looked at like the bullshit you recorded at a concert? See, you say this, but I recently, in my memories, just popped up a bunch of the drunk videos I took at a Shania Twain concert that I went to. That's fun.

And that was a lot of fun because it was just us in the background. And it was the first time I had ever met Ed's going to be wife at the end of this week. Yeah. It was the first time we ever hung out. So it's just like, I've got all these videos of us. It's like, ah, I feel like a woman. It's just like us so close. But like, you can barely see anything because.

I'm so drunk and the camera is moving all around. I'm like, why did I try to do this? But it was funny to look at, but that's years later. Yeah, maybe years later you could go back and check it out. But it does seem odd to me, the culture of concerts is strange. Are you against the train? Oh, you know, again, it's another one of those where you commit to this thing. You're like, oh, this will be fun.

And then like one to two minutes and you're like, oh, I'm kind of, I'm done with this completely and utterly. And then we have to do it for another like four minutes. And then I'm like, oh, this is actually kind of awkward. I'm sort of touching this person in a way that I don't, I didn't even ask. MJ, I promise you. May I put her this wedding. Hands upon you, you know what I mean?

I'm going to have a video of him doing one of these songs. Now you have to start a conga line at Eddie's wedding, Jackie. It's always, yeah, Congoline I usually sit out from Congolai. The Congolai is my favorite moments at my wedding. Oh my God. I have, you and I have opposite tastes. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That is a lot about the show.

I don't want, I just, I'll sit it out. I'll watch, I'll enjoy it. I'm not getting involved because I get fatigued quickly with that. I'll watch it and enjoy it. I mean, what are we doing here? You walk in a line for fucking 30 seconds. You're like, okay, I get this. This is over.

This is over in my mind. Unless we variation, we switch it up, we add a variation to it. Well, don't tell you to do anything because you're going to get mad about that. Yeah, I don't want it to be. told to do anything? Yeah, I came to your wedding. Okay? That was a lot already. I was already told to put on a suit and travel across the country and sit in a space and, oh, watching professionals. We had to sit there, had to be quiet the whole time. I'm freaking out on edibles. You know what I mean? I'm just losing my mind. I think the cops

are coming or something, but I'm sitting there. I'm quiet. I'm not ruining anything. We get to the reception. Oh, take it back. One time. to let what I mean? You don't even have to think about it. It's so nice. You're so tired. You get to just be told what to do. I don't know if anyone notices,

but we are putting our anger into other things this week. And I just need everybody to know this is where we're coming from. We're coming in hot. Got a lot of takes today. Very filled with rage for obvious reasons. And it is, it's a really, it's a rough week. And so, yeah, I love hearing hold and scream about the dances. So you're trying to tell me what to do with a song at this particular.

of the week, I will fucking claw at your face. You say you want the freedom to choose whether you dance or not. Exactly. I want the freedom to choose whether or not. Because you know what? Having a dance song where you're told what to do can be a very emotionally upsetting, awkward

experience, okay? Yes. But I'm not going to judge someone else for doing it. You know what I mean? For being told what to do in a dance? It's everybody's choice. That's their choice. Yeah. But I personally, I abstain. I might encourage you. I'm not going to tell the DJ not to play the song. I want the song to play.

I want everyone to have their moment, okay? I just refuse outright to be a part of it. And I will be also, I can, and I might judge a little bit, you for being so enthusiastic. Freedom to choose, freedom to judge. Those are two concurrent freedoms. It's people who sit around in a room and talk about the commercials they like and people who love, like, so excited to do the chow chas. Those are the two judgments.

Yeah, well, you know what? Sometimes commercials make me cry. And then I like to talk about them. Okay, Holden, I feel your barbs. That's different. It's more, because, no, that'd be a fun conversation. This commercial made me cry conversation. No, no, no, it's always, oh, remember the talking badger?

That was a pretty funny one. Yeah, you remember that one? It was like, I want to. Remember that one? I want to jump into a volcano. I want to. And I bet you're going to feel that way after you hear Chris Pratt sound And unlike any Super Mario you have ever heard.

Yes. I don't quite understand. I feel like I'm getting a lot of flashbacks to like what we all know, what happened with the movie Shrek, where Chris Pratt saying, you know, we all know that Chris Pratt is going to be voicing Super Mario. And there's a lot of hate out on the internet about it. I know I certainly have my feelings about Chris Pratt. And what he has just said is that they're working on an.

I guess a cento of some sort that you have never heard of before. What does it mean? I'm so intrigued and I really feel like this is gonna, he's gonna either really make it or break it with this. Also, I said another article, the CEO of Illumination came out and said, when people hear Chris Press performance, the criticism will evaporate.

Evaporate. Maybe not entirely. People love the voice of these, but this is the better part is his statement about Italian people. Let me find this really quick because this is really important. I'm not sure this is the smartest defense.

I love how he opens with that. I'm not sure if this is the smartest offense. But as a person who has Italian-American heritage, I feel I can make that decision without worrying about offending Italians or Italian-Americans. I think we're going to be just fine. Whoa, he's speaking for me and my people.

He is speaking for me, and I don't appreciate it. Oh, I want you to have a little bit of Gapagul. You know, we're going to talk about it. Let's talk to Toti Soprano. All right, thank you very much. This is not a bad. I know this, I can't believe he said this to a publication. I can't believe.

Like, how old is this person? What are you talking about as an Italian American? Now, here's the other. weird thing that just came out. I just sent you guys in this article. Chris Frat has now come out saying he's really not a religious person, quote. Yeah. And that he's never been to Hillsong Church. So he's now trying to separate. But don't, didn't we just have this whole thing where everyone got upset with him about the comments that he made about his kids or whatever. And then he was like, well, you know, what I have to do when that happens? I got to listen to my favorite Christian music

and take a jog through the forest. Like he's always been so. Yeah, he talks about God all the time. Yes. Loudly religious. And now he's. He's trying to be like, nah, it's not, though. What if I'm not? And also, he apparently doesn't go by the name Chris. And everyone's like, everyone's, he's been, like, he's just so annoying. Can I throw it out there? Yeah.

And everybody that's anybody that's anybody knows that I don't go by Chris. I go by Pratt. So you and all your, oh, the Chris is of Hollywood, you're wrong. Because that's not the name I go by. Shut up, Chris Brack. It's weird. He just saw an episode. of home at it, in which he is on.

And they call him Chris the entire time. So he didn't tell them. Interesting. I think it's because he's like, he's like the shitty version of the rock. And I think it's because even if the rock's full of shit, we buy it. And we just don't buy it with him. I think that's the thing. It just doesn't seem genuine.

And I mean, come on, bro. I'm fine with you too, like being into whatever you're into, religious wise, sort of, I guess, except for whatever with you guys lately. But that said still, I think. like to walk it back that hard on the religious stuff when like all you've every quote I've gotten from you for the past like since I've been doing page seven has been like about how into Jesus you are and into Christianity like what can I read some of the quotes from this article about about what he says about religion because it's like it is a big question where he says

Pratt said quote religion has been oppressive as fuck for a long time and quote I'm not really a religious person okay this is the good one I didn't know what I didn't know what I I didn't know that I would kind of become the face of religion when really I'm not a religious person. I think there's a distinction between being religious adhering to the customs created by man, oftentimes appropriating the awe of reserve for who I believe is a very real God and using it to control people, to take money from people, to abuse children, to steal land and justify hatred, whatever it is. I mean, okay, Chris Pratt, I just feel like you're trying to rebrand maybe in the wake of Roe versus Wade. I don't know.

very interesting how he backtrack, backtrack, backtrack, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, because he wants to appeal to every single person and now that he is identified with a religion, even though he has been for years, now he's backtracking. Very interesting timing with all this, but then, which is why I don't trust it. I think all of it's yucky. I mean, right, maybe, I mean, this is for a magazine that's for the July-August issue, so it must have been done before the Roth. It just feels like, it just feels like a very purposeful effort. Yeah, but the leak that happened and everything, it's not like this, like what happened this week really unfortunately came out of fucking no. Yeah, right, right.

So I think that's his people getting on top of it. Yeah. To make sure. And to be like, oh, actually, like, it's pretty, obviously being a Christian is fine and that doesn't have to hurt your brand at all. Right. But he's very openly. Yeah. And that's what, but it's like being associated.

I think that it's like, it's actually. pretty unpopular, even if you're trying to be popular to everybody, it's like pretty unpopular to be associated with a church that is like homophobic and or, and, you know, be the face of like a religion, which right now is being forefronted. Of course, not all Christian people are, uh, have anything to do with what the fuck is going on. But it just seems like him trying to be like, I'm going to distance myself right now and do a little bit of a cleanup. Which is such a weren't like in the name of God is such a wormy-ass thing to do to like try to like separate yourself from your religion for you know because your publicist told you to it just makes me like lose even

more respect because I'm like well at least you know I mean if you're going to be this type of person you know that's like the grossest isn't that like the most disgusting thing you can do as a religious person like I'm looking at because in the article that I'm looking at they've got these pictures from Easter when he did the, I think that I believe it's called the walk of sorrow. I'm trying to, or the walk the way of sorrow. You know, on Easter where people do the like the walk that Jesus did with the cross. Yeah, I know. It's another telling you how to dance thing.

Yeah, it's like, oh, okay, I got to walk the route that they walked. Okay. Now whip yourself, whip yourself. So great. Drag the cross now, y'all. Oh, yeah. So he drags the cross. But he did it.

Like there's like a bunch of things. pictures of like that's yeah like that's a man of faith and there again nothing wrong with it but so weird to just lie now and say you're not religious yeah why did you walk the way of sorrow on Easter if you are not a religious person like honestly and post about it if you're not yeah i don't understand no that's not like oh i'm more spiritual i believe in god yeah i do a dramatic reenactment of the murder of jesus christ on easter that usually means you have like a pretty strong relationship to the text. Yeah, right?

I mean, I know that this, maybe this is just coming off the back of like, MJ and I just recorded Riverdale Roundup where we are talking about the plagues that just ascended onto Riverdale. By the way, Holden, Archie's not Jesus Christ, even though they definitely make him seem like he should be Jesus Christ. Right. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense.

Baby Anthony is Jesus Christ. Okay, but someone is. Oh, yeah, the baby is. Jesus Christ, yeah, yeah, no, don't worry. Maybe two people. Maybe it's Archie also. It's tough to know. That's the who shot J.R.

of the fucking show these days. Yeah, it's the who shot Mr. Burns of the show. Yeah, I can't say who shot J.R because no one would understand that. Yeah, but the who shot Mr. Burns is a reference to that, so at least it works out. That was how dated that was at the time. Like, that was before, way before my time? Was that Dallas? Yeah, Dallas.

Oh, yeah. Dallas. Yeah, yeah. Good times. I tried to watch the reboot of Dallas, and I will say it was a lot of fun, but I kind of had to fall off, but it is a great sexy reboot. I'll throw that out there. Anyway, Chris Pratt, I'm done with him.

Done with it. I don't even want to go see the new Jurassic world. And I've got not religious. He just has bad vibes. It's like, and I think that, you know, the thing with Chris Pratt is it's just like the distance between the character that everybody fell in love with him for and who he seems to be as a person. There is such a gulf that I'm in love with Andy Dwyer.

Yeah, exactly. I'm ever in love with Andy Dwyer. I think we all are. Why do I feel like too, though? He's actually like the nicest guy if you meet him in person. I'm sure. I'm sure. Totally just how he's coming across.

And, you know, I think we can make that distinction, by the way. It's how you come across. We don't like that. We don't, we don't necessarily have to, you know, say like this person definitely sucks because we don't know, right? They're public image of shitty. It's what you're serving us is just bungled, right? Like maybe get a new team is actually the better thing to do at this point.

You want to distance yourself from like a church that is like famous for its like hateful policies. Like you could have done that sooner. Like even, I'm not trying to give Chip and Jojo any credit because they seem to like still be quite associated with. Why do we keep talking about Chip and Joe? Because they're also. Because they're under the same heat. They're like they have the same issues. Beloved famous extremely charming couple that is associated with a hate.

Yeah. And not just Christian, but right, associated with this like anti-LGB church. But when their line at Target came out and Target was like, we think it's fine to be trans or whatever. Chip and Jojo had a statement to their limited credit of like, we love everybody. You know, one of these like, I'm not going to say that I actually think it's fine, but I'll say like love is love or whatever.

So long it's not on my land, you know what I mean? You know, they won't be executed. Yeah, something like that, right? But allegedly that's what they said. But, you know, I'm going to. throw it out there. None of this makes me as upset as we approach the high

hot dog holy holiday. Yes, the hot dog ambassador she reigns supreme through the summer as someone that is not going to be necessarily celebrating my country this week. I am going to be celebrating hot dogs this week.

And I am personally offended. Yeah, okay, maybe it's not celebrity gossip. But this is the of the hot dog ambassador of the southwestern region of the United States, that ketchup popsicles are where I draw the line. The chupp heads have gone too far, and I'm sorry for the slur. But the chuppheads have gone too far this time.

I'll allow the chips. You're all dressed up, chips? Sure, they're all dressed up, and they got no place to go. I'm throwing it down about the chips, about the ketchup chips. but the ketchup popsicles, which are referred to as French sickles that you take out of a big packet of ketchup. I will say branding-wise, very cute. Well, I refer to them as freedom sickles.

Whoa. That's just because of my politics, all right. On this, getting close to the high hot dog holy holiday, you're going to spin these webs of bullshit at me all this. Yeah, that's right. I'm a bullshit spider bitch. You better not get. Put your eggs away.

Put your eggs away with my webs. Put your eggs. Get your eggs out of here, Holden. I need to look at a picture. of the, bringing up the picture of the ketchup popsicles. It's also made by French's and French's notorious mustard company. And I had mustard ice cream before and it's delicious. I would eat a mustard popsicle.

I'd eat a mustard popsicle. Where do they hate towards the mustard? Well, and I did, I will say, and I, of course, as for usual, they have to wheel out the rando tweets from people who probably have four followers, but I guess we have to pay attention because it's in an article. but I will say one person, one person named Exposed Hypocracy. Oh, they must be fun on a fucking Friday night.

It must be a fun date. Exposed hypocrisy says, if it were a Bloody Mary Popsicle, I wouldn't mind. You know what? Maybe I could see a world in which we take a cup of vodka. We take the popsicle, we dip it in the vodka, and we just kind of do a sort of Bloody Mary, a Frozen Mary. Maybe you could just freeze it all together and you make like,

you can actually make. make Bloody Mary pops, I would definitely be more on board. For sure. Because then there's more spices in it and then there's booze in it. Because also a Bloody Mary is something you consume on its own. The problem with the fucking ketchup popsicle is that you're not supposed to just eat a whole bowl of ketchup. That is actually true.

It should be like french fry ketchup sickle or something. Yeah, you should suspend. I make a lot of homemade popsicles at home. Squirt the popsicle, squirt the ketchup into the popsicle molds and stick the french fries in and then freeze it. It would be disgusting, but at least it would make sense. Yeah, for sure. It's such a good point.

No one just eats ketchup. Or if you do eat ketchup. Like you're three. You know, you should be on a list. Yeah, essentially. A lot of toddlers will just eat ketchup. But like, and French's is trying to suggest that there's, like, seasoning in it. They're replying to all their critics.

I hate brands on Twitter. I'm just surprised it's not a clamato. Yes. Yeah. I like a tomato. I haven't had climato in quite a while. That should be like a four. We should make that a 4th of July thing.

Like a, you know. Not a fan of it. I think it makes you think of my dad. My dad's a big fan of Clamato, and there's just something about the smell of, of fishy tomatoes that just doesn't quite do it for me. If it's mixed in with something else, great. But other than that, you're going to be sucking on chup popsicles.

Have a great fucking summer. What's that drink that is the, the Clamato and the beer, a michelada. That's, yeah, I like a michelada. Yes. Also, M-J, shout-outs to hating brands on Twitter. The only one I can get down with a little bit would be NASCAR's pride messaging, where they called it Yaskar.

Yaskar. Yaskar. Some of them are fun. For two reasons. A, that's very clever and funny. B, the amount of people flipping out over Yaskar has got to be hilarious. Be like, how dare you take the knife of NASCAR? You know what I mean?

It's just like, yescar. I'm sorry. Did you say NASCAR? I can't hear you because I like to watch Yaskar. And that's fun. It's not a, you know, I don't like branded, you know, brands going on Twitter. But did you guys see over the weekend that the Twitter account for Lake Superior? The Lake had a really good time on Twitter. The lake has a promo team? The lake has a before, hold on real quick. By the way, we're doing the thing I complained about. But just with Twitter instead of commercials, we realize this. It's different. Holden. Everyone talks about Twitter. Remember that thing?

That was funny. No, I started it, so technically, but I'm just saying I'm a complete hypocrite and nothing I say matters. And just listener, know that. Thank you for saying that, Holden. I appreciate it. Anything I complain about, I'm the idiot in the situation where I'm complaining about stuff. And you're correct to, like, songs where they tell you what to do. Yeah, I'm going to go on, MJ.

She's a dude. We're all dudes, bro. So never forget. And listen, we were fighting with culture, we can try to mold. the world that we want. We're not lawyers. We are not, we cannot reshape the laws ourselves here on the show, but we can try to fight and talk about the world that we want. And we want a world where the lakes have Twitter, but the ketchup brands don't have Twitter. Yes. And Lake Superior responded to, so Lake Superior on June 24th, Lake Superior tweeted, this lake vehemently stands with

women having the right to choose. And then an anti-choice person retweeted it saying, water is wet and abortion kills a human being. And then the lake responded, Thomas, not even your first talking point is correct. Water is not wet. What water touches is wet. I'm confident I have a lot more experience and making things wet than you do. Yeah, the lake, it is the superior lake. It is a good lake. I don't like to hand it to a Twitter account that is a brand, but it's a lake so I can hand it. Or a talking lake. Yeah. Talking lakes need more representation, so I'm fine with it. I. I am completely for this lake. And also, while we are skirting on the subject,

just want to remind everyone here that if you're looking for a place to donate money to and you're kind of at a loss, I am a big proponent and I'm also donating money towards the Bridget Alliance. It is B-R-I-G-I-D, the Bridget Alliance. That is the one that I am personally donating to that we donated half of the money that we raised on Friday at Jack and with the Holdies towards. It is a, it's an organization that provides that can help people get access to other states. It helps transportation.

It helps with feeding people. It helps with sheltering people to get them to states where they can get the reproductive health care that they need. Sorry to just slap that right there in the middle, but very important. Need to say it. Hell yeah. Bridge of Alliance. It's good. No, yeah.

Go for it. Please. Good Lord, man. But anyway, back to the lake. What else did that lake have to say? I think we are done with that story. I think it's time. I want more late content.

To move to a new article that you posted. Well, maybe the lake is the one that told Miles Teller that he had jet fuel in his blood while filming Top Gun Maverick. This is such a dumb story that Miles Teller who plays, you know, Goose's child in the new Top Gun movie. spoiler alert. At one point does he say the goose is loose, by the way? Or does he goose anybody? No, they were too busy being all sweaty and playing football this time without volleyball. But I was here for it. But the poor dude apparently was really not feeling well while they were shooting and had to go to the doctor. And apparently, because he was like covered in hives from head to toe after he got out of the jet, and that because of excessive exposure to J.P.8. fuel that either in the air or through skin contact, it was inside of his blood.

And so, like, the exposure to it, the over exposure to it leads to, like, headache, nausea, vomiting. And so he goes to the doctor. He comes back. He tells Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise, like, well, how did it go, Miles? What are they fine? And then Tom Cruise's response to him saying about the exposure was, yeah, I was born with it, kid.

meaning having jet fuel in his blood. What are you talking about Tom Cruise? I was born with it. There has never been a more perfect example of how a celebrity like Tom Cruise thinks which is somebody being like I'm describing like a medical problem that also has like a bit of like... And you're in a movie, you're in the movie right now.

Yeah. Top Cruz is like, yeah, I got jet fuel in my blood too. That kind of makes it leads me to believe like he is always like in a movie. It's a actually better way to think of him. He's always in a movie. Oh, yeah. You know? Always in a movie or in an interview. Like, I fucking, the way that celebrities talk when they always talk like they are being interviewed by Barbara Walters and just like everything they say is a sound bite and everything they say is so important and so profound, but so normal.

You know, like that shit. Yeah. I mean, that's what Tom Cruise is. The fact that, like, I pretty sure Tom Cruise, outside of when he's got his penis firmly inside. of a fish's mouth and or gills, I think that he believes he is Maverick. Yeah. I think that ever since Top Gun, he's like,

that's me. Yeah. I'm the guy. Yeah. I am the rebel where it's like, what do you talk? Like, you live in a la la la land. I mean, you know, he lives in the la land of Scientology already.

But that's la la la land, bro. Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. But everyone calls him Pratt. You know what I'm saying? Everybody calls him Pratt. Jet fuel and his blood and fucking gas in his cum. Ooh, he's going to get me going for days.

I guess I'll be, man, yescar. Yes, car. And he does refer to insininating his wife as tanking her up. I do remember that as well. He does love that. Gotta go fill up the tank. Yeah, got to top her off. Appar off.

Yeah, yeah, got to tank up the old horse, I believe is what he said. Ew. Got an old horse to tank up. And he goes in and he does his fucking, he calls it his job work. and it's just silent and it's just just heavy thrusting and silence unbelievable very costly for him as well just as gas is costly for the rest of it

yeah he always says come his money yeah for sure is that what he says as he comes come his money bye bitch Maverick's got to go fucking make some more and then he goes yeah and then he goes out it's fun I mean it sounds a lot like someone that wrote in, which

love this, I got a drunk email from a listener that has some hot goss that they were like at the end, this is my work email, please don't use my name, I'm drunk, I'm sorry, I just needed to tell you guys this, and I just want to say thank you so much for sending it in,

that apparently, speaking of, like, someone who thinks that, I guess, his cum is made out of gas and or just wants you to lay there. Leaner or DiCaprio, not a good guy. Turns out that if a friend of this person was invited onto his yacht had to sign an NDA beforehand with an anal clause saying if she had sex with Leo would only be anal and she'd have to lie still while he fucked her. Holy.

And that he's secretly in a long-term relationship with Lucas Haas. Can you end up your way into consent? I'm not sure if that's how consent works. No, I guess, you know, but I just throwing that out there. I just want to say thank you so much for the insider information here. But yeah, so I feel like if you get to that level of being a celebrity, you just assume that laws and reality don't exist anymore, I guess. Oh, for sure, yeah, yeah.

And that's why I guess you would just like let your kid drive a Lamborghini when he's 10 years old, like Ben Affleck did over the weekend, which this is such a, you guys, both have kids? Can you imagine just being like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let the 10 year old park the Lamborghini. He's got it. He'll figure it out. I mean, it's not that hard. It's only a couple of pedals. I mean, I'm torn on this because on the one hand, I know that like people who grew up on farms and stuff, like learn how to drive

when they're like 10. Oh, yes. That's different. And I feel like this is a celebrity version of this, right? It's like the way that if you meet somebody who grew up on a farm, they're like, oh yeah, I was driving all the vehicles around when I was like 9, 10, 11. But they had to do it for work. Like that was like a part of their working. Yeah, but the celebrity version is just like,

oh yeah, let the 10-year-old park the Lamborghini. Like, what's the worst that could happen? I just have to pay many, many, many dollars to do repair the damage. Fine, no problem. It's good for his confidence. Photo showed Affleck having an animated conversation with employees and comforting Samuel with a hug as Lopez seemingly typed on her phone. That is with a hug.

Can you imagine? I can't imagine what Linda would do if I had just gotten, if I had parked the Lamborghini and backed it into a BMW, I can't imagine how she would react. I mean, I can't imagine because I'm never going to be inside of a Lamborghini.

That's like that. I would never be in the passenger seat of a Lamborghini, but I do think it's interesting that J-Lo was just sitting there typing on her phone. Typing on her phone. During all this very, it seems very checked out. Was she mad about it or was she just looking at her phone, as we all do.

Ambivalent would be a good word. I think she's maybe a little... Or is she the fiancé of a parent, and it's not her kid, so she stayed out of it. So she typed on her phone. Typed on her phone. Well, maybe she was typing mean things on her phone. Whatever, I'm trying to throw J-Lo

under the bus some out. Why? J-Lo, have you watched the halftime documentary? You watch a halftime documentary, and you come talk to me about J-Lo. Produced by J-Lo. Yes, maybe. But also, she's a really hard worker. The most important part about the story isn't that Ben Affleck, well, it is that Ben Affleck let the kid drive, but also that the kid, you know, crashed the car or did some damage to another car. Hence why you don't let 10-year-olds drive cars.

And if you are going to let your 10-year-old drive a car, maybe don't type on your phone. Next week, we'll have more on this. You're trying to take a bad stepmom. Are you stepmom in her? That's Julie Roberts Holden, not J-Lo. Whoa, yes. Ain't no mountain high enough. I got your stepmom reference. Thank you. Oh, baby, did I watch that movie a hundred million times?

You do not walk out on your mother. No, that's your job. No, that's your job. Again, another one of those moments in television where, like, my mom was not abusive in any way, shape, or form. But I imagine if I ever said something like that to her face, I would assume that I would get the worst. Yeah, you'd be dead.

I'd be dead is probably what would happen, but I'm not going to be dead before seeing Hocus Pocus too. Oh shit. Yeah, this trailer got me a little. The trailer looks good. Man, y'all, throwing out there was kind of a hater. I was like, you know what? We don't need Ocus Pocus too.

First Hocus Pocus was great. I'm obsessed with Bet Midler and Kathy and Jimmy, but still, maybe we don't need it. But they just dropped the trailer. I'd also like to marry this trailer to another article you said that I really actually appreciated and actually made me, dare I say, like Sir Jessica Parker talking about it. It's like, stop congratulating me for having gray hair and not like dyeing my hair. Like, that's fucking crazy. Congratulate people for shit they should be congratulated for.

It's insane. Do you congratulate a man for having gray hair? And I think that these ladies in this trailer look like fantastically aged, like personally. Yes. I just think they look great. I think that they don't. let you know, and I think that a lot of times you could see them and they'd be like, they don't look like, you know what I mean?

It's weird because it looks like you cast different actors because of what they've, you know, what's happened with them over the last few years. But instead, they just all look, I'm so excited to do the, to watch this movie now because I feel like they've stayed true to themselves. Yes. So those characters are going to age wonderfully. And especially like it's got, I can't imagine the pressure of wanting to do a bunch of fillers, to get a bunch of work done, because you're playing characters.

that you played almost 30 years ago. So I can't imagine the pressure not only of yourself, but from other people to do something to your face. And all three of them, and if they've had work done, it's been light. Or I mean, Sarah Jessica Parker definitely has had work done. But it's not to a point that she's so tight that she can barely blink.

You know what I mean? And I think that they look beautiful in this trailer. And I can't wait. And I think that it's going to be a great rebrand. of it of just new witches coming together on a 16th birthday that bring about so it's like a little bit of a difference but then they're unleashed on the town please watch the trailer it looks like so much fun yeah yeah i think it's gonna be cool and i also like yeah there's just not enough representation of women getting older and still being hot you know i think we do have to thank jlo

for that even though she's aging unrealistic yes not to like plastic surgery shame by the way but there's just I appreciate, I think gray hair is hot. I don't know. I think getting older is hot. So that's just my own opinion. But I just, I don't know, it just got me hype to see them all like

looking like the older version of the character. Like, I don't know, it just got me hype for what this is going to be. Yeah. Yeah. And thank you for bringing up the Sarah Jessica Parker article because, yeah, how many people tell her she's brave because she has gray hair.

It's great. It's so insane to me. Or congratulating her as a woman. It's just like, but. Who gives? Just do whatever you want to do. I like bringing that up because we all want to be so like kumbaya and rah-rah about certain things. But sometimes that's actually the obnoxious thing to do.

You know, because it's more, again, it's about like normalizing. Same thing going back to talking about the kiss in the Buzz Lightyear movie. Right. It's just like it's actually what we want to do is get to the point where no one cares. Yes. About that. Just like no one would care that she had gray hair because that was normal. Right.

You know? And that's what normalization is. People think normalization is making a huge deal out of it. That's not actually normal, right? It wouldn't be normal to be like, you're a guy and a girl and you're kissing. That's great. We love it. Yeah.

Instead, it's like, yeah, it should actually just not be a thing at all. We move on. And unfortunately, that's not like exciting or splashy, you know what I mean? But that's kind of the goal for sure, you know. and I want more 69ing in Disney movies. I'm saying that right now. Well, maybe you should be listening to more of the 69 boys.

Oh, right, fine. What do I need a to do? Tootzy roll! How do you even do a to roll? By the way, I love to when they... To the left. To the right. To the right.

To the front. To the front. To the back, to the back. Now dip. Dip. doesn't mean it's nothing. When you look at a person, go to the left to the right, to the forward to the back and then dip,

when do you go, oh, that reminds me of a tosy roll candy. And this is where I just become befuddled at the whole experience. What do you want them to do hold and make a turd on the floor and be like, there it is. I made a to the right back and forward. Do the,

do the confused robot. I don't know. That would be more akin to what the dance is. You know what I mean? Because robots make tutsi rolls. Is that where you, is that where you're a head? I'm saying remove the tutsy roll.

This is the other part. Okay, let's get into this. It was the 90s. We were talking about Tutsi rolls a lot. Yeah. Naming dances, things that don't represent the dance. Like if you do the Superman, you do a motion like Superman. Okay.

Now you're a fully into disgruntled dad mold. Yeah. That was a kid. The dances looked like the things they were called. Except. Unfortunately, too, I just realized I've been parking about this a lot lately. But definitely our we had to walk through. of the snow was porn, right?

It was how hard it was to obtain pornography. And it's going to be really weird when we all start bitching about that. Yeah, when you start telling your kids how hard it was to get porn and how easy it was. You're like, you're like, go to your room and get on the fan of your computer. And you can just, wow.

You can see whatever you want. We said to go to the woods and like hope an old band hid some in a blog. That's where we were at. I'm fucking jerked off to a knee one day. I was so bothered and unable to obtain pornography. The front or the back of the knee? The front I had drawn a nipple on it and everything. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Once you get a nipple on there, you know, it makes it whatever you want. Now that's a song, nipples on the knees. I love that song. Drawing nipples on knees and everything. What are we talking about? I'm trying to find the reason why he calls the tutsi roll. All I know is that the inventor of the Tutsi roll called it a Tutsi roll because his daughter was like it was the name of his daughter's nickname.

Her name was Clara. They all called her Tootsie. And so they called the Tootsie Roll. And that's why Tootsey Rolls named that. But I'm trying to find out why he called her the Tootsie Roll for this. I'll tell you why. Because they were sitting around. They were just like, what random fucking thing should we call this?

And they called it that. That's all it is. What's the mashed potato? What is, what about the mashed potato? I don't even know what the mashed potato is. I think it's a hand thing, isn't it? Do the mashed potato, right? Ah, okay.

You're mashing a potato? You're mashing the potato. You hear me? No, no. This one is trash. That is like mashing a potato. That is like mashing a potato. That is like mashing a potato.

I'd actually agree that that's a proper name for a dance. You're giving him jet fuel for his fire. Oh, for his blood. Oh, no. He's got jet fuel in his blood. You know, do the tank engine or something would be good for back front, left, right. Oh, yeah. No, no, no.

I don't think so. I think that you do like, it's like, you do like, you do like, the man on the coals. It's the man on the coals. Or the commercial airline flight, you know, with the dipping and everything. Now, do the turbulence or whatever, yeah. Do the turbulence. Do the turbulence.

Higher holding for your weddings, guys. Man, apparently Tootsie Roll sued a footwear company called Footsie Rolls. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. Are we in the list? Is that what's happening right now? No, it's not. I'm just looking at different Tootsie Roll facts.

Frank Sinatra wouldn't go anywhere on tour without him. What? Tutsi rolls is a candy. I think we need to name that Titsy Rolls as a candy fucking suck. Excuse me, Jackie, that's my name. Onassis had a Tutsi Roll bowl in her office. Those was before they had better candy. Wow.

It's like a depression candy that doesn't go bad, you know? Yeah. We've upgraded. Yeah, this is forever. So you're anti-Tutsi roll is what you're saying. I think I'm anti-Tutsi roll. Tutsi Roll the candy, pro Tutsi Roll the Sun. All right, fair enough.

I'm glad that we got to the bottom of this today. This is what we needed. And I was like, why have like a talk about how angry we are about our bodily autonomy being stripped away when we can yell about Tutsi Rolls the song and the candy instead? You know what? I don't like Tutsi rolls the candy either. I'm throwing it down. I just said it.

I did it. I don't like Tizzy rolls of the other end. Yeah. Fruit C rolls on the other end. Yeah. They're whatever. They definitely end up. They're definitely filling up that bag at the end there when, you know,

there are a lot of the wounded soldiers of Halloween. Oh, I'll suck on him if I've got a. If I got a tutsi roll at the end, I'll suck on it. Yeah. And you could quote me on that. Take that to the governor. You could be a tutsy roll at the end. I'll suck on it.

Why would we do that? Oh, my God. Well, I guess it's time for a conspiracy theory. Uh-oh. Oh, my God. It's super time for conspiracy theory. really trying to get you to get you to say it. But here it is.

Can we have a celebrity conspiracy theory as we hit minute six of talking about dutzy rolls? Do you believe? Does Avrilavine even have ears? Wow. Okay. This is going to be a Google. Has she worn sunglasses before? This one comes in from Tracy.

And I say probably we need to do a little Google on our parts to try to confirm this. Dear page 7, this is a conspiracy theory that has plagued me since high school. I'm 37. And one I've only thought to myself, does Avrilavine really have ears? Upon image searches, videos in past TV show appearances, her ears never slash are rarely shown and always covered by hair. The ear is shown is only a small piece and still covered by hair. This leads me to believe that she ain't got no ears.

Maybe they are elf ears or maybe stubbs. Maybe she has hearing devices in her ears. Regardless, I still believe she does not have ears, and I'm curious for the truth. But do believe that she lacks ears in a typical sense. I don't have any other research to back this theory up, but the belief is still true to my heart. Is this true? Does Avrilavine really have ears? I've been listening to your show since the Britney episodes.

Look forward to the show weekly now. This world is surely fucked up and screaming and laughing about terrible injustices. balanced with pop culture hot takes really helps. Tracy. All right. Well, we must have covered this in the past, but of course if you Google Averal Levine ears, the first thing that comes up is the other conspiracy theory about her

that she died and was replaced by a clone named Melissa, which is such good shit. And who also doesn't have ears, by the way, in the pictures. Whoa. I am looking at these pictures and I see zero. ears. I mean none in any of these photos. All right, let's try a Google image of just Ever Levine. So I looked up

Ever Levine hair up. Now it seems that I found a picture of her. Okay, I have found definitely a picture of her prominently displaying an ear as if she does have ears. Well, Jackie crack that. Within seconds. You know, I'm a bit of a, you know, don't go

to your cumber bitch or over there. You come to this Sherlock because she's got ears. She's I got ears. I hate her say she does have ears. There is a picture of her. The one I'm looking at is she's presenting an ear to the camera. Yeah, she got an undercut like Jackie,

like a shaved side of her head with a big ear showing nowhere to hide. She has at least one ear. We do know that. At least one. There you go, though. There's no, I don't see any pictures of her with two ears. Of the two ears. I can't see the other ear,

but I do see that shaved side ear. And if you have only one ear, you might still have an incentive to cover your ears all the with your hair. So that actually... All right, so this is just a modified, I believe. I think she just absolutely has near. I mean, I'm looking at a picture of her.

It's a yellow background. Do you guys not see this one? It's just clearly Aver-Levin, clearly with a full-on ear attached. No, one ear. One ear. We're saying yes, she has one ear. No, she does not have two ears. She's got one ear on that side.

Might not have two ears. We're just saying. Okay, let me Google Aver-Levene ear left side. Left side. Let's see what happened. She must dislike her ears, though, because why they are. Her hair's always done. By the way, that ear seems pretty normal to me.

I get it. I'm not a big fan of my ears. That's why I wear my hair down a lot. Yeah, she definitely, you never see that ear on that side. So maybe it's mangled or something. Maybe a rat ate it. Jackie, they're normal. Yeah.

They're too, I think they look weird on my head. They kind of stick out. No. No. I've never ever noticed your ears once at the entire time I feel. M.J., I got the. this, okay, Jackie. You're beautiful.

No matter what they say. Wow. Are they talking about my ears? And they're all saying that your ears are gross. They use the word gross, which is weird. But that's what makes you beautiful. Despite your ears. No, not to spite my ears.

All right. Your weird ears are what make you beautiful. They wrote a whole song. No matter what they say and they say that you are disturbing looking. No, with my ears. But that's the celebrities. So there you go.

You waited all that time. We have to leave, I guess. We definitely have to believe. I super don't believe. I believe she has one ear only. Or something's going on. So I believe in the spirit of the blind eye. Well, celebrities are so obsessed with like their side.

Like, do you guys have a side? No, I don't have a side. Well, I've got a side of my head is shaved. So I feel like I do prefer that side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Thank you. But now it's time.

for the list. Put all your sides aside. Oh, who's on the list? Me! Gotta have that list. Fifteen times superheroes endorsed real-life products with bonkers results. This, I think, is a lot of fun. Did you know that Wolverine intensely endorsed Gerber Baby products? He said in a comic book,

Gerber Nursery dolls and Gerber Electronics featuring wireless video camera monitors to hear and watch your baby in the light or darkness. Isn't that who you want to tell you in 1993 to use Gerber baby products? Don't you, like wouldn't you follow Wolverine to the death? Oh, yeah, absolutely. He's definitely, she's such a father figure. That's his main thing he's known for being a dad, you know, he's such a dad. I know there's like so many, I know that comic books span all so many types of people love them,

but I just can't imagine being like a new mother or a new parent, like reading a Wolverine comic book and being like, yes, this product placement is speaking to me. Like, don't, I can't read a comic book while holding a baby. Baby's going to puke on it. Yeah, you're right. Well, will the baby puke on Spider-Man bribing his captors with Twinkies? Because Spider-Man definitely used in the larcenous lill and her nameless goons,

that he goes, how about some delicious Hostess Twinkie cakes? And throws Hostess Twinkies at them. They eat them and says, like, Larsonist Lill won't like this. But I can't resist this golden sponge cake. Great, creamed filling. It's a deal wall crawler. And then while the goons are eating the Twinkies,

he goes to the actual bad woman and says, You'll be tied up for a while, Lil. Thanks to Hostess Twinkies cakes. The tables are. Or should I say, webs have turned? No, you should say tables. Just say table, the tables have been turned. Yeah, webs don't turn.

So say tables. It's, I feel like, like, in complaining about pride, like, we forget that, like, not, like, the way that companies push it, that the way product placement has been used throughout time, I think is so fucking funny. Right. Yes. Or having. Colonel Sanders team up with green lantern.

Apparently, Hal Jordan gives Colonel Sanders some power to fight the orange lantern, Lar Fleeze, who wants to force the colonel to make chicken sandwiches. Sanders ends the fight by offering Lar Fleeze, his own KFC franchise. I mean, that's pretty sick, dude. Orange Lantern at it right now. There's a bunch of, so the lanterns all a bunch of different colors.

And they kind of police the, like, policeman of the galaxy. So whatever, you know what I'm saying? I'm just kind of like, I know what's going on here. You're being a real lar fleas right now. I feel like Colonel Sand, the colonel has since, you know,

had so many iterations that are ridiculous. I think KFC is the most, like Burger King is pretty goofy, but KFC really goofs it up with their advertising. So this doesn't actually shock me as much. I mean, remember the I love you, Colonel Sanders,

a finger-licking good dating sim that I definitely played. romance film the 20 minute. Yes. With A.C. Slater slash Mario Lopez. Yeah. See, you're right. And they do do that kind of fun stuff. But what about, but how do we feel about the, like the Nestle Quick Bunny teaming up

with Superman? Why does Superman need the help for the Nestle Quick Bunny? Yeah. That's a good. I don't know if I would trust this guy to go after bad guys with. I don't think I like that. the quick bunny saying him, hot takes today. You're talking about the guy with the drum?

No, that's the energizer bunny. You're talking about the chocolate bunny. The chocolate powder, yes. That's you. Yeah, fuck that bunny. Neither of those bunnies have anything to offer to Superman. Yeah, they're both fucking, my, I was so much of dogs would rip them to pieces, you know, while we cheered and laughed. Man, I bet you would want that to also happen to Catman as well, wouldn't you?

Dog lover going against you. Catman because Robin saves Batman from Catman also with cupcakes. Can you stop saying the word Catman? Catman. Yeah, nah, nah. You have to do the opposite of, no, no, no, no, no, no, right? Niam, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yeah, me, Miam, yeah, ma, ma'am, yeah, ma'am, yeah, ma'am, ma'am, catman.

Catman is evil, and Robin tempts Catman with chocolate cupcakes to get him to call off his leopards and panthers off Batman. It works because the cupcakes appeal to Catman's love of darkness. See, that doesn't make any sense. That's where you lose me, Hostess. Because Catman starts eating the hostess cupcakes. He goes deep, dark, chocolatey cake. Deep, dark, chocolatey, icing, creaming, filling, too.

Wait, are you serious? That's literally what Catman is saying in this. I'm looking at it. I'm looking at the comic panel right now. Afterwards, he says, smart move, Robin, using Catman's love of darkness to get his mind off me. And then Robin says, I think he'll be going to the dogs. I mean jail from now on. A simple mistake. I've made that many times. I've called jail the dogs many times in my life. Well, you're going to the dogs, Holden McNeely. I can't believe my uncle's still in the dogs.

The whatever dogs. Jail. Whatever. You're in whatever dogs right now. Yeah, I'm in whatever the dogs right now. So in whatever dogs right now. I bet you're so in the darkness just like cat me that you can't see anything. Oh, yeah, you're right. I am just noticing this right now.

I think I'm going blind. We can't see them. Got some juicy ones for you. You got some silly ones this week. Okay. Not fun. We got some silly.

These are some silly willies. How silly Willie we are. There's not a serious one in the bunch right now. Well, there's one kind of serious one that attacks something Jackie loves, but we'll get to that. No, is it hot dogs? No.

They're always going after hot dogs. Go ahead and tell me something I don't know. The blinds are always obsessed with the food hot dogs. I bet. That's what the blinds always. They're always talking about it. They're like, it's asses and lips. And I'm like, yeah, well, you know what?

I use all of the animal. A certain food product that likes to sit in a set of buns. Ooh. Was seen last night making out with Duolipa. You know what I'm going to do. Yeah, yeah. Hot dog me love. I'll make out a lot of hot.

I'll do that. All right. One of the things, hold on, clear my, I'll let's spit my mouth from this morning recordings. Sounds like you're dehydrated.

One of the things this pint-sized actor loved about working with the permanent A-list director is that the director was convinced he at least once

had sex with an alien. Harry Stiles? Is it Harry Stiles? No. No, I would say this might give us some interesting insights into another, let's say, crazy celebrity thing we've been speculating on for quite a while now. One of the things that this pint-sized actor loved about working with the permanent A-list director, who has since passed away, by the way, one of my favorite directors of all time, is that the director was convinced he at least once had sex with an alien. The director had sex once with an alien.

The director likes to have sex with something that also. was weird. Tom Cruz. Yes. And what director did he work for? He's a former pint-sized actor? Was Tom Cruise a child actor? One of the things this pint-sized actor, there was no former. Oh, because he's short. He's just tiny. Okay. Yeah.

All right. What's the director? One of my favorite directors of all time. One of the greatest American directors of all time. Possibly. Made one of the best horror movies ever made. One of the best sci-fi movies ever made. Unfortunately, the movie that Tom Cruise

was in of his, is probably one of his weaker films. Made one of the best political satires of all time. Ridley Scott. Yeah, Jackie, it's Ridley Scott. Is what I would say if I was an idiot, because that is incorrect. I'm trying to think. I'm like a sci-fi director.

Okay, all right. Give me more. He was in it with his wife at the time. Eyes wide shut. Stanley Kubrick. Stanley Kubrick. Yes, Carr. Yes, Carr.

So what are you guys saying you think? Stanley Kubrick fucked an a lot. alien. Oh, yeah. That I can see. Yeah. The article this blind link to was about how Kubrick was actually afraid aliens would be discovered by the public

before his film 2001 in Space Odyssey hit theaters. That was a legitimate fear of his and it would alter the reception of his film. Whoa. I like that. Is that why he's movie out? And now I think maybe fucking something kind of otherworldly, fucking something, you know, I think it kind of might lead to some insights. Maybe some listeners want to write in with their theories of how this might connect to the fish fucking stuff.

Because maybe there was some kind of, yeah, maybe there's some line to be drawn here. I don't know. I'm just, I feel it's my gut. I'm just leading with my gut. He was saying Stanley Kubrick encouraged Tom Cruise indirectly or directly. Maybe or maybe he was like what was, yeah, maybe Tom Cruise was like, what was it like? You know what I mean? Like.

Stanley Cooper was like, man, it was like, fuck on a fish. It's like, fucking a fish. Yeah, or something like that. And then he was like fucking a fish. And then Tom Cruise gets into alien stuff with Scientology. And he's like, well, we all want to fuck God, right? So I think maybe it was him trying to get closer to his version of God, which is Scientology version, right?

So it's an alien. So I'm right, we've all wanted to make love to God, right? Is that just me? The spaghetti monster? Yeah. He's all upset with the spaghetti monster. Chris Pratt over here. Oh, my God.

He's running up that hill. He's running up that hill. Well, now I'm just going down another one. right now. Greg Stanley Kubrick's name into the time of Fish Fucker Cruz conspiracy theory. Oh my God. All right. Next up. The reality show, which sounds like it is going to be FLDS version of dating. Hires actresses to pretend they are interested in polygamy. The producers couldn't find anyone when they were originally casting. And by hiring actresses, they can create whatever storylines they want Jackie, you fucking thieves. I don't agree with you. I don't agree with whatever bullshit you're trying to spin right now. Jacqueline Zuckerberg, Zabrowski. I follow all of them on the socials and I don't think that they would be this committed to this relationship if they were not polygamous on sister wives.

There's no way that they are hired. Oh, is Robin hired? Is that what she cries all the time because she's making too much money lying about being a polygamous? What is it now? Now what show are you saying is? It could be Robin. Sister wives. Well, it might be, is what's a different? Or is it seeking sister wives? Seeking sister wives.

That I could definitely see. Well, there you go. So this whole diatribe means nothing now. So you're completely fine with it now. I can see it. I'm fine with it. You know, that's right now. Well, because in seeking sister wives, which I've talked about this on talking TV a lot, on seeking sister wives, it is a lot more.

families that are not in the Mormon faith that choose to live a polygamist lifestyle, which is why I'm so consistently baffled by it and how it works, but the thing is that most of it doesn't work in the relationships. So, or there's also been a lot of like, goss that has come out of past people on seeking sister wives that are no longer on the show anymore. So, um, I think it would make a lot of sense that they'd have to fill it really fast after the, or was it like the snows or like the Snowdens that were evil, like the man was evil. Because there can't be that many polygamous women out there who want to be on a reality show. That's a shrinking pool of people.

Yeah, for sure. And people with families and people that don't want to be in the spotlight because of it. And so I understand why you wouldn't want to, which would also make sense of what's like. But also then Discovery Plus, maybe you should. should just stop making it. But also, also, Jackie, are we going to audition maybe? Yes! You want to put a bid in?

Oh, oh, I'm ready. I'm ready to go. It's so fun. I would love to see you on that show. I'm ready to be in it. Jeff, are you ready? Jeff will listen to this. He'll let me know if he's ready to be, it's ready to have more of me.

All right. Last one up here. This one's dumb. A network and a line of animal NFTs that are very popular. trying to make a deal that makes sense to both and would have every contestant dressed as a different NFT from that line. Kill me now.

Yuck. Is it Animal Planet? No. The show is, the show would force, they have to wear a disguise on the show. Is it that show? So what are they doing? That fucking show with the funny masks?

Masked Singer. No, no, but. No, the other one. Yes. You just said the Mask Singer. Oh, I was thinking. Remember that one where they had to date They had to date each other in the funny masks?

Oh, yes. That was also a fun one. A creepy one, but a fun one. And what's like the most associated thing to NFTs? What's like the most associated? Yes, the board ape NFT. Fuck. But that means that every masked singer would be masked

because if you know anything about the board ape, that's why this is totally dumb and probably not going to happen. Because then the most iraily thing about the board ape thing is that it's the same picture of the same fucking goofy-looking ape just with different kind of skins on it, essentially. It's like the most lazy. That's why NFTs are so stupid to me.

It's like the number one NFTs seems to be this Borde ape thing. And every single one, it's like not even that interesting of a picture. And then they're all just like slight variations on the same model. So it's like not, it's like the most lazy way to create art humanly possible. And they're trying to say this is. is like this thing that everyone needs to get, everyone needs to have. I will say though,

but that said, that means every Masked Singer contestant will look like a bored ape. We'll be dressed like a board ape, right? Like, that's so dumb. That's why I don't think it's true, but I will say the Mask Singer already released a line of NFTs,

and therefore I had to read this brainless headline. The Mask Singer free NFTs sell out in 10 hours, how to get one during second chance wave. How do you sell, out something that is free. By the way, I just want to throw it out there. I'm loving the headlines lately. Apparently, they are tanking so hard.

This whole thing is crumbling. I feel bad if you invested in this and are like losing your livelihood to it for sure. But other than that, it's like, bro, I'm happy these NFT bro, crypto bro things are falling to the wayside because it just, I always just, I'm so skeptical. and every time I see something like this, I'm just like, this is not, can't be good. No. No, it's like pogs.

It's like a combination of pogs and the housing crisis, you know? Yeah, and it's like anytime something, I was thinking about this, I was like, why do I hate this so much? Any time you give that much power to the scammers of the world, it's bad. Like, I don't care what it is. I don't care how novel it is or interesting it is. Anything that puts that much in the hands of those that love to take advantage of

decent people. I hate it. I hate MLMs. I hate, you know what I mean? All of it. It's all trash to me. And that's why I call NFTs the Beanie Babies of present day. And I think that's still remaining true. You don't even get the Beanie Baby to play with. Like you don't even have something physical that you get to play with. I still, if I like, you know I love my Kiwi bird. Like I still kind of play with my Kiwi bird like I'm a child. Yeah, I'm handing down my beanie babies to my children because I still have them. But not because I thought that they would make me rich because I loved them. No, I just keep everything.

I just have, I still have everything. My mom is everything from every move. Wow. I don't want this anymore. You hold on to it. It's like, I'm going to have to deal with it at some point. Yeah. The reckoning, we'll call it.

We'll just go in with cameras and we'll have you comb through it all. Save the princess die bear. You had the princess die bear, right? Oh, I got the princess die bear. Now that's awesome. That I would prominently display in my house. for sure if I had the princess. Yeah, there's the cover still on the tag just in case.

There you go. There you go. Someday it'll be worth $20. $20 after a Lord knows how much my mom spent on it. Well, there you go. Those are the blinds I can see again. And you two look lovely. And here we are at the end of the show.

Welcome back, Holden. How do you feel? More crotchety somehow. Wow. More of a grumpy old, you know what I mean? Oh, what's the next dance going to be called? The fucking private institution. Oh, just walking to the room.

Don't let anyone else in. You know what I mean? We got to get out of here. I'm going to make an album of rule-giving dance songs. And I will dance to every single one of them. I know Ed has such good taste in music that his wedding is probably not going to be full of like the Chachas Lide. But I really hope. hope that there's a lot of command songs for you this weekend,

Holden. I'm going to try to pay somebody to get the Choshals played at least once. So don't you worry, I've got my way. Now kiss your friend. I'm sorry now. Thank you guys. Awful.

I should do a bunch of inappropriate command songs. I'm going to work on that. I'm absolutely here for it. And I am absolutely here for all of you, cuties. Thank you for joining us today on the show. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That That Worm or you can follow us on TikTok over at page 7 LPN. You can see some, man, I made a weird TikTok when I was still on drugs after my surgery.

So that one was weird, but I still did it and put it out. Then afterwards I was like, I forgot I did that. I thought it was a dream. So come check it out over at page 7 LPN on TikTok. And please come hang out over on my Twitch. I am doing Dr. Jordan and I have a sex show every Tuesday night on Twitch. Dot TV forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. I play Fuck Daddies and with Lisa Rose, the amazing stylist, as well as I'm starting up playing the Sims of our lives as I teach myself the Sims again every Wednesday between three

and six Pacific Standard Time. So come hang out over on Twitch. com, oh, no, it's Jackie. Nice. Love it. Twitch. Dot TV forward slash Hold Naders Ho. We got Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams.

Everyone's his little boy, I passed on the street. It's like, wait, why is it so good what you do on these streams? Yep. I was just like, because I fuck good and I stream good. He was like, that's inappropriate. And I was like, yeah, it is pretty weird that I'm telling a old young British child that. But either way, I'm going to go eat a burger now. So check down on Twitch.

dot TV, forward slash holding there. So I'm just delirious for these morning ones, man. So anyways, love you guys. Just like kiss the world, man. Just get down on your knees, kiss the ground. Don't tell me what to do, Holden. I don't like it to command. Kiss it out now, y'all.

Committed federal crime. Break a window of a cop car. All right. But yeah, allegedly maybe break a window of a cop car. I don't know what's going on. But regardless, patreon. Get into a bullshit. Get into a portion now, y'all.

Pay from it. Bridgettell lion's one time make a legal one time guys check out pageadcom forward slash page 7 podcast we do weekly bonus episodes tons of extra content

and the Jersey Shore watch along on Discord as well and then check out page 7 podcast at gmail.com page number 7 podcast at gmail.com sit in your conspiracy theories always super helpful that's all I got

MJ. My name is MJ and I'm MJKLK LKat on Instagram. We love it and we love to sing the song. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. We're gonna read it up to you.

Come on. Thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts. And you can send in your shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com. That is page seven the number podcast at gmail.com because you know I love reading um almost as much as I love supporting our community I love you guys so much and thank you again for sending in your shoutouts the first shout out for the day oh my god Eric is absolutely adorable and thank you for writing it such a great

shout out to your wife Mel. Eric says I love everything last podcast network has done been listening for a few years and couldn't make it through the day without y'all just wanted to shout out my beautiful wife, Mel, who has just gotten her real estate license after bartending got shut down in the pandemic. We are celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary tomorrow, and I just wanted the world to know how badass she is. We have raised a great family together, and she has supported everything I've ever pursued. Work didn't stop for me through the pandemic, and I couldn't have pushed through without her. I truly can't think of a life without her. Her birthday is July 2nd, so I just want to scream, happy birthday, you badass, babe! Love you all, keep being the beautiful, wonderful

people you are. Thank you so much, Eric, and happy old most birthday, Bell! And also, of course, birthday loved all my cancers out there, even though I will say, I think I'm scared of almost every single cancer friend that I have, and I mean that in the best way possible, the kind of friends that you don't want to get on the bad side of, but man, I love being their friends. fucking friend. Happy birthday, Kansas. And now it's time to send some love to Austin. Austin, who sent in an amazing shout out to their best friend of 19 years, Emily. It's a very special birthday shout out. Emily's going to be turning 34 on June 25th and is spending her birthday weekend at a black tie wedding in another state. What? Don't worry, this is just the

universe coming back to her when her first marriage was on my sister's birthday. It's an ironic twist of fate, and we've been laughing about it since she got the invite. I'm also going to a wedding this weekend of a good friend of ours, Ed Larson, and it happens to be on Amber Nelson's birthday. So we've been doing a lot of that ourselves. So right there with you, Emily and Austin. Austin says she's a great listener with a kind heart who is patient as fuck, lovable beyond words, and goofy beyond belief, all while being a hot, Matchy-machy baddy, who moves through life gracefully with her head held high and taking no shit. Emily, I love sharing in your wins and will always be here to comfort you in your lows.

And I will always hype you up at a moment's notice. You're not just my bestie. You're my family. And here's to another year. Hail Emily, you deserve the best. I love you, see which. Love your bestie Austin. In that, I just saw you as Ursula,

and I mean that in the best way possible, because Ursula is one of my favorite characters to have ever existed. She's definitely a lot more, as she's a lot more depth to her than I feel like Little Mermaid gives her credit for. So, happy birthday, Emily! Oh, it's time for self-shoutouts. Yes, I love self-shoutouts. Shout yourself out to the mountains.

Oh my God. A doctor's in the house. Dr. Michelle Hodges, that is. Dr. Michelle says, I wanted to write in a self-shout to say, I'm a doctor. I defended my dissertation yesterday and now a doctor of clinical psychology. After 12 long and grueling years of school, I did it. I'm a first-generation college student, and this process has been difficult to say the least. During my journey, I have worked with amazing people and met incredible lifelong friends and want to share my victory with everyone. Yes, you go! My specialty area is working with people with PTSD, particularly those impacted by our broken

criminal justice system. Thank you, Dr. Michelle, we need you. We need you so badly. Dr. Michelle says right now I work for the VA and absolutely love it. I know we don't always get a good rap, but believe me, when I say us youngans that are there, are trying our best to be better for our veterans. Fuck yeah. Dr. Michelle says, I listen to page 7 on Thursday on my way home from work as a little treat for making it through the week.

Much love to you all in the entire LPN family. You brighten my most dreary days. Love Dr. Michelle Hodges, I'm so proud of you. Sorry I said your name so many times. I just want you to get used to hearing Dr. Michelle because that's fucking awesome. Hell yeah. And more self-shout's my favorite. This one goes out to Abby.

Hell yeah. Abby says, I'm sending myself a self-shout, because now that I'm back to reality post-Honeymoon, I could use a reminder of the positive recent choices I've made. I quit my job of six years a month ago, which also happened to be a couple of weeks before my wedding. After two years of keeping my team of eight people afloat during COVID, I decided to make the step to give myself a much-needed break.

It's scary to enter marriage unemployed, but it's the best thing I could have done for my mental and physical health. Hell yeah. I shout myself out for choosing me. It's something I rarely do, and I feel so much pride in making this decision. It's tough in a world where you need a job to take care of your health, insurance, but need to quit your job to also take care of yourself. I know that I will get through this, especially with the support of my loving husband. David. I'd also like to shout out my dear friend Jay,

who introduced me to LPN many years ago. His laughing out loud at work while listening got me intrigued, and I haven't stopped listening since. I live in the same neighborhood as MJ, and always seem to run into them while their voice is in my ear. I never say anything because I respect their privacy, but please let them know this always makes my day. I sent them the email, so now they know.

You should totally tell them, and it will make their day complete. Thank you for the years of laughs and tears. Thank you so much, Abby. And thank you for the luck for my future nuptials. Planning is so difficult, but you will get there and I promise it's all worth it. Is it? Abby, is it? Is it all worth it? I started this just being like, I've never really dreamed of a wedding, so I'm just going to have fun with it. But then it's just, man, you just slap the word wedding in there and it just makes everything so difficult. We're not going to go down that road right now because we've got one last self-shop. out, and it's to a very special member of our Twitch community, Demon Whiskey Nick, I love you. Demon Whiskey Nick is an amazing writer, and Demon Whiskey Nick says, I don't always feel like I deserve to feel like I should be proud of myself because of my struggle with booze. But any win is a fucking win. Hell yeah, it is.

And also, don't be so down on yourself because you struggle. We all struggle. We all have our struggles. And I'm proud of you for working on it. Anyway, sorry, sidebar. Y'all were amazing in the Nashville show. I found a goddamn room for rent. I'm writing something I care about with all my damn heart.

I really cannot express my gratitude enough for the LPN for the constant inspiration. I am worth it. I'm trying to drink less. At least I'm going to try. My guts don't like it anymore. I'm growing, changing, writing, moving, and becoming better than I was yesterday. Thanks for your endless chuckles. And to the community, we're all worth it and deserving of love.

And that starts with self-love and understanding. I don't know what that means, but I'm going to try to be a better fucking person every day. Hail every fucking one of us. Endless love. Hail Satan. Abortion rights are human rights. Happy pride. Oh my God.

They would do this shit during fucking Pride Month. I didn't even think of that. Too angry. Endless love. Thanks for the endless inspiration. Love you so much, demon. Whiskey, Nick, and I'm so proud of you for working on yourself and for sharing this with everyone. I appreciate you.

And again, please come hang out over on my Twitch. And over on the Instagram, I've got our list of abortion resources by state of places that you can go to for help, as well as places that are not funded by the government that need your donations. So please check that out. And again, I'm a big supporter of the Bridgett Alliance, that is B-R-I-G. ID that will help people get out of the states that they are in if they need help and help them get into states where they can get the reproductive care that they need. Love you guys so much. Thank you for listening to my ramble rambles. And we got to be good to each other. We've all each other's got. I love you. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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