Page 7 - Ep. 458: Cannibal in the Guest House

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout how 'Jagged Little Pill' STILL HOLDS UP, the disturbing incest allegations against Ricky Martin, Armie Hammer continuing to exist, Bennifer finally being wed!, a quicky Gigli revisit, and in celeb conspiracy corner; Is Jake Gyllenhaal a dirty thief!? The List, Blind Items, and SHOUUUTZS!!!!! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Flowerhead - Pondering My Orb (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXb6QLCaLxjvucwNlQuS2gg) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, everyone, big news from the boys of the last podcast on the left. Check out the last comic book on the left. Our most sinister comic anthology. It now has a volume two. Please, pre-order now at z2com. We have an even bigger stable of artists and talent and writers and everyone that we did for the first one, although the first one is fucking amazing. And it's still available on z2com.

But we're asking to go pre-order number two, Z2 Comics. Scott.com. You're going to like the way you read. All right, everyone. Thank you so much. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Higie.

Want you to know. Ah, boy, here we go. That I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but the best for you both. And no version of me is she provided like me. Would she go down on you in our theater? Oh, wait, actually. I just realized Lizmore.

That went down on David Koolay in a movie theater. Is that a lyric? Is that a lyric? Yeah. Because I love that you ain't was able to make it. It would have been open wire. No. Every time you speak a name does you know how you told me and hold me until you dad,

to your dad? Does it not just put you back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because my problem is that I couldn't stop myself. Once you start on, oh man, what an amazing song you ought to know is. Just starts off that seething anger. And oh my God, what an angry, man, Jagged Little Pill. Still fucking does it, man.

I listened to all of it yesterday because of this article. And I was like, damn, this shit holds up. You got to go watch that doc on HBO with the making of Jagged Little Pill. Ready for it. Document. All the old footage of the concerts and stuff. Yeah, dude. Which crazy, the late great Taylor Hawkins actually.

was the drummer before for Alanis before he moved on to foo fighters. Hell yeah, really? Did not know that? Totally. Holy shit. There was one kind of gross part of the documentary there

where he was just like, yeah, it was kind of crazy. Like she was such like a feminist forward kind of act, but we were just getting laid like crazy on that tour, man. They were all just like trying to hang out with Alanis. They were like, yeah, yeah, go mate. You know what I mean?

I was just like, all right, you fucking filthy animals. It must have been fun. I will say, okay, you brought this up because Dave, Dave, Dave, Cooleyer from Full House talks about how, like, he realized while listening to the song that the song was about him. I would like to pose this. There's not really a lot of intimate details in that song. The only intimate detail that I've heard so far, and I think maybe the only one that might exist in the song, is I went down on you in a theater. So I think we could put it together.

I think we could deduce that Dave Cullier realized the song is about him because Alanis Morset sucked his fucking dick in some kind of a theatrical scenario. It sounds awesome, but I will say, Alanis Morrison has said that there are six of her exes that have come to her saying, this song is about me. How many dicks is she stuck in the theater? That's part of a signature move.

Is that her thing? A beach in the theater. Like, are we talking a play? Like, are they watching? Yeah, is like, are we talking a movie theater or a stage show? I mean, I guess a movie theater, but that is a move right there.

I mean, come on. How could you think the song was about you? you're so vain. How cool you the song is about you? Oh, you're so vain. And at the same time, hear the lyric, I went down in your theater and it had not have happened to you.

So if that... But the whole song, though, was about how, like, you immediately went and got somebody else. So I think that means that six of her exes immediately started dating someone else after they did. Who also went down on them in a theater. Yeah, who also went down to the theater.

Man. Sucking dick in the theater. Well, that was kind of a more common thing back in the day we had, you know, So everybody got finger-bain watching fear in the movie theater with the roller coaster scene. I'm against porn and how many times that I thought when I was young, I thought that like, oh, everyone puts their penis in the popcorn bucket so you can jerk it off. Like I thought that was a normal practice. Now painful that would be the kernels and the salt.

Covered in grease. I thought that that's just what you did. Yeah, right. That would hurt painfully. Well, that was the funny thing too, that how many painful situations you got in the. early throes of lust as a young, you know, woman or man. I mean, you didn't know what you were doing. Every blowjob was toothy.

Every fucking, you know, lubricate. Like, I think that's a sex ed thing that needs to be talked about more like lubricant, lubricant, lubricant. Come hang out over on Jay and Dr. Jay talking sex on Tuesday nights over on Twitch. Not TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. We just talked about depression and sex and it was great. It took me way too long to realize, like, it doesn't, you don't need anal for this. Like, lubricant is an important addition to any bad boy drawer or whatever it is.

I'm just picturing, like, hold it having, giving his, like, what, however many years from now, 15, whatever many years from now, 12, 13, 14 years from now, giving his child, his, like, you know, adolescent child, the sex talk and being like, lubricant, lubricant, lubricant, if I may quote myself, keep it juicy. Lubricant, lubricant, lubricant. Get into the game. Just get it in the rotation. Yeah, get it in the rotation. You know, because there's just moments when you're gonna, I had an entire relationship.

I, now in hindsight, I'm like, I should have been using lubricant the whole time and we just didn't and just suffered through the early stage. Because people get embarrassed of using it. We're like, there's no embarrassment. No, yeah, it's not fine. No, the wetness would happen,

but you just, it's a, sometimes you need like a jumper cable on that, and that's where the lubricant comes in. That's unbelievable. And that's a man that knows. And then the wetness happens. Am I sounding more like Jordan Peterson by the second with my profound knowledge of sex?

Am I just insinuating? I'm not able to, I can make them wet guys. I'm not trying to say I can't make them wet guys. Just sometimes, you know, there's certain different, you need a jumper cable in there. Different people have different situations, scenarios, matriculation. You will. You think that women are people, and that's the fundamental difference between you and George

Pearson. Right, right. No, I mean, okay, so listen, Dave Cooleyer is sitting in the, the question. Okay, here's the other thing. He's an idiot. He's an idiot. Right. Am I right?

I'm pleased to be. Yeah, you're going to want to get out the lubricant, Atlanta. And it sounds like, I mean, just imagine what early 90s movie they were in when she gave him the beach. It had to have been like three men in a baby or something, you know? Oh, that's a good guess. Or look who's, look who's talking. Look who's talking.

Everybody knows used to be a fucking baby M.J. In the situation where you get that fucking dick suck. I watched in the early 90s that made me. It could have been like land before time for, please. I'm putting my money on last action hero. It's a long movie. It could have been a Schwarzenegger movie or something. Yeah.

The tar pit scenes. And again, I do think that literally every person, if they were around that the right age, had some finger bang or jerk off scenario watching the movie Fear with the roller coaster scene It was classic. It was like people specifically went to the theater to have sexual acts at a point.

It seemed like growing up, right? I mean, that was the point. I think that is why so many guys could have thought that the song was about them because I think you're right. I think if you were a sexual person in the early 90s, you just had gotten off in a theater.

Got blown in a movie theater and I didn't lose my virginity until the 2000s, so that would make sense, right? It's insane to me to get blown in a movie theater. I mean, fingering's one thing, because, you know, can kind of like, I think you can sneak it a little bit better. Yeah, can you explain it, Holden? Is she taking a nap on his lap?

You know what I mean? Is she taking a very restless nap on his lap? Especially back then, there weren't like the fancy seats either. So it's like, you were on, you were just on that sticky floor most likely. because you can't bend over if you can't lift up the, I mean, maybe I'm just a forever fat person. They didn't have the vibrating chairs. They didn't have any of that stuff.

Yeah, they didn't have any of that stuff. Back in the day. It's the fucking old days. Dave Cullier's response when he was like, oh, wow, this girl can sing is what he said as if, like, they dated for two years. You don't know what she sounds like. She has a very specific voice.

I know this before she made it really big, but he's like, I hear the, the hook for you ought to know come on the radio and I'm like wow this is a really cool hook I want to punch Dave Cooley in the face yeah the bully comes out when he's like and I had no idea that this was her record and then I was like I'm listening to the lyrics going oh oh no I can't be this guy shot up Dave Cooier I just don't trust him what's her name from Big Mouth is the is how Cape Coelier sounds. I do not trust him.

I admittedly have totally come around on Bob Sagitt, who seemed, for some reason I thought maybe I couldn't trust, and it turns out everybody could deeply trust him. Seems like John Stamos is somewhat trustworthy. I'm not sure why I've landed on Uncle Joey as being the least trustworthy one of them all. Oh, yeah. But I just don't trust him. He was an 80s comic. It's because he's a comedian.

How can you trust an 80s comic? Right? Like, it's just, there's just, that guy's got to have so many fucking skeletons in his closet. Like, and we all, and, you know, we've all been cursed by the knowledge that he is the inspiration for jagged little pill. Nobody wants to know that because it doesn't make sense. Yes.

And with the amount of dick jokes he made with the beaver puppet puppet, which is like, I guess fun, but you got to not, you got to be a little wary of a comedian with a beaver puppet who has a kid's show that's constantly talking about is wood. Remember that? That's weird, right? I never honestly ever thought that the wood, Mr. Woodchuck's obsession with wood had to do with. Oh, I'm sorry, he's a woodchuck, not a beaver, you're right.

His name is literally Mr. Woodchuck. He's, I don't know what the difference is. Oh, yeah, because I guess the beaver, it's like a vagina reference. Yeah. I don't know, Jackie. Maybe he just, maybe that's all in your head and you're the perver. Am I the deviant? I think you might be the deviant only in this case.

I still think that, that, that. Joey Gladstone slash Dave Gullier has to be some sort of deviant because it just somebody on somebody on that show besides the Olson twins has to be the weirdest one and it's gotta be him. Also am I the deviant is a great reality

show. Come on like am I the deviant? Come on guys. It's kind of like F-Boy Island you've got like lady contestants and they have to figure out there's a bunch of dudes and they have to figure out who had a criminal's sexual criminal bath. Which would be great yeah yeah It's very marketable in the Me Too post Me Too era.

And it turns out, I think it's Mr. Ricky Martin. Can you step forward please? Am I a deviant? Mr. Ricky Martin, I believe. I can't be a deviant. Most men would still, even if they weren't the deviant, they would still be just like cold sweating the entire time waiting to be like, did they find something?

Am I a deviant? Because remember after the Harvey Weinstein thing, all these straight men were like, I don't know. I don't think I ever did anything really bad, but maybe I did. You know, like, that would be. Oh, I saw people, I know, cancel themselves. They would get on and write diatribes about how they like just had an awkward evening with a lady. And I was just like, you don't have to admit this, bro.

You can just keep this one in the pocket. I don't think no one cares. It's okay if you've heard women's feelings in the past. It's okay even if you've been a dog. And if you want to just kind of like do a solo accounting of the ways that you may have heard, that's good. Do it. What do you DM that person and be like, hey, I feel like. I feel like shit about this.

I just want to apologize you. We don't need to know. I don't need to know, bro. I get it. We've all been there. I was a filthy, you know, I was a filthy, you know, they called me. The Daviant. Frankie Fokhound in college was my nickname.

I'm so glad we finally got around to Frankie Fuckhound because it's just like. I can't believe we haven't brought it up at this point. I get like I hadn't called you this live on the show yet. Dude, I set up, I had to actually install like a revolve, like an office building, revolving door for my apartment. That's how crazy. It got. One would come in as the other one was leaving.

It was insane. Oh, yeah. He got, yeah, such a fuck hound, man. Yeah, I'm nuts. They called me the pound puppy. I was just slamming. You're just thinking about your own pound puppy that you used to. Whatever.

Maybe it was sexually making me with my palpuffy that now exists in my apartment. To this day, that was refurbished by my mother. But regardless. She scraped all the cunies off. I love the people who have no. I love the people who were like just started listening or have no idea. any of the background of this and are like, what the fuck are they talking about?

He loved his body. Everybody had a stuffed animal. Everybody had a stuffed animal or a blankie or something that started out as their special thing they need and then all of a sudden they're kind of humping it and they don't know why. And that's it.

That's all I'm trying to say. There were no comies, Jackie. Speaking of humping it and not knowing why, are you also the deviant, like you said, Ricky Martin is. Yes, that was my segue. I liked it earlier. Yeah, Ricky Martin, man.

Unbelievable stuff. I mean, it's, you know, it's dark. Yeah. But also, it just always blows me away. But, you know, hey, the heart wants what it wants, right, Ricky? But I just, I'm like, if you have it, like, I feel like if you're in the position, but maybe it's an idle hands thing is he hasn't been doing a lot lately. So maybe he just got, he just fell to the, to the lazy boredness gods or something.

I don't know what's going on. You are unaware. Ricky Martin has been. he is being, I don't, I know, what's the word, MJ, you know, not arrested, he's not arrested yet. Incarcerated? No, accused. No, accused. He's being accused.

Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly about his, a sexual relationship he has been having with his 21-year-old nephew, who is, has brought up charges against Ricky Martin for incest and abuse. Right. and of domestic violence. And this is a lot. Yeah. It's a lot.

For all of us to wrap our minds around. Nobody wants this. This is a rough one. And right, of course, this is the thing with all celebrities where it's like, you could have anybody, right? But abusers aren't like that. It's not about, of course, it's not about sex. It's about abuse.

And this is just like a Ricky Martin was praying on this person. Yeah, because the, well, the inverse of that, too, though, is, is like, you can, Exactly, you can have anyone because no one's gonna fuck with you. Right, right, right, right. And you get whatever, Ricky gets what Ricky fucking wants, MJ. Right.

And if Ricky wants his 20 year old nephew. It started at 20 or 21. I'm not exactly sure. Either way, bit on the young, young, young side for sure. Right, and of course, inherently abusive given the, you know, the relationship and the status and the power.

Yes. Right, there's no way that you can have a, even though that person is an adult, There's no way that, I mean, maybe I'm not aligned here, but I think that it's pretty impossible for that interaction to ever be fully consensual when you have that much of a power differential, you know, and a literal, built-in, you know, struck hierarchical relationship in the family. Yeah, it's a rough one.

I was like, why is Ricky Martin trying to, no! Oh, no! Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of people's experience, right? That was how I found out was just somebody being like, what the fuck happened with Ricky Martin as a tweet? And then you find out that way and you go, you look back and you're like, oh my God, we're talking about this this week. But I mean, come on, guys.

Let me ask you this. Have you ever had intimacy quantries towards a niece or nephew? All right. All right. Captain Flaiound or whatever your name is. All right, come on. I'm not saying I have. I'm not saying I have every year.

Both of our response. were to just laugh. I was like, I don't, what do I say? I think my cousin and I called each other a boyfriend and girlfriend when we were like four. Does that count? And, but besides that, I think you should be arrested. I think you'd be on the list.

Put them on a list. They thought it was cute. Well, I mean, also classically, my uncle married his cousin. So we had a wedding and a family reunion all in one, and it was very interesting. It was on a farm. And I've talked about it before.

It was very bizarre. They've since divorced. It's all good. Allegedly, no, they have. Is it all good? It sounds like it might not have been all good. I don't know. I mean, luckily he didn't do it in the fucking, where, where is Ricky?

Because 50 years. Puerto Rico. Puerto Rican sentence for incest, 50 years. Do you think, what do you think? Well, you guys don't know how it works in Puerto Rico. Do you think he's going to get any kind of like, because he's a celab, he's going to get any kind of a light? I think they might make a, I think they would make an example out of him.

I'm going to straight up say, I didn't know that incest was illegal. I know that it's bad. And I know that. It's not illegal everywhere, right? I had to look it up because I was like, I didn't know you could actually be put into jail. In California, a marriage or sexual relations between close relatives or blood relatives

is prosecuted as a felony under the law. Felony, wow. Yeah, I genuinely had no idea. I thought it was just the kind of thing where you're just like, yeah, no, you definitely don't and it's definitely bad for many reasons, but I didn't know that you could be put into jail for it. I guess that, like, you'd have to have someone accuse you of it

and have it go south. So I guess if you are like having an incestuous relationship, keep it kosher. Because they can take you to the jail. I don't know if it's possible. Again, inherently impossible. I mean, this is to, obviously, there's been a million examples throughout history of like extended cousins marrying each other and stuff. So it's like on the one hand, perhaps you could argue that this is like a narrow point of view to be like family, a narrow, some sort of. narrow cultural point of view, but I think that again, incest generally speaking, I understand

to be a taboo kind of across cultures. There aren't that many taboos that are universal, but like shit and incest, I think are two of them that are like universally, like we don't do that. And I think that this is just an example. I mean, you know, I don't think that 50 years and 50 year sentences are almost ever the best option for anybody. No. But it does seem like that's just the wild development. But at the same time, Even if you remove the incest, this is bad. A 21-year-old kid with, you know... Domestic violence.

Yeah, domestic violence and abuse. Right, right. I mean, that just screams grooming and, you know, the whole thing. And even though they're legal age or everything, I mean, that still is not a good look for Ricky, regardless. It's the incest and the 50-year sentence that makes you go, whoa, why can't, you know, when your eyes pop out of your head. Right.

And the age difference. Again, it's like a 20-year-old is an adult who can consent to all sorts of things. but, you know, if we heard about a 20-year-old, you know, woman with a guy with the age difference with Ricky Martin, I think that on its face, people would probably respond to that pretty negatively. The heart wants what it wants in James had the great Woody Allen. Oh, God. And now, Ricky Martin is claiming there was no sexual relationship between them. That is what he is.

I didn't have a sexual relationship. Oh, my God. Is the president ex-president here? Oh, here's some saxophone for you. That's what a saxophone sounds like. I'm trying to get the black vote. Here you go. Don't do this.

Don't bring us back. Man, we are trapped in the early 90s. I know. What we do? We're figurebagged in the movie theater. We're living Lafita Loca. We got Bill Clinton playing saxophone on our Sidio Hall. I mean, what is going on right now?

I feel like, I mean, it was a better time technically, but, you know, in hindsight, uh, I don't know. I think that we all have to be. I think it was probably a worst time. I think that we're all unfortunately going to have to take Liv and Levitaloka off our playlist and that's fine.

Just like we took ignition. But it's so catchy. It's so as ignition. We took it off our playlist. I wasn't on the playlist, it seems. I did not have Live and Lovina Lolaola. What? You got to take the Michael Jackson off your playlist.

That's the hardest one to take off the place. That's the hard one. All the rest of them you could take her leave. But Live and Lovita Loka is a bop, by the way. Yeah. Sure, it's fine. Were you guys Minuto fans? I wasn't, but I want to watch that doc because apparently it's pretty good.

Now I really want to watch that talk. Is that terrible? No, of course not. I mean, honestly, it's kind of the best news. I wonder, is it like a publicity thing? I want to search for clues. I'm like, and then they came out with this song, Nephew lover.

And I believe this is a great track. Oh, wow, there was some clues. I'm in love and I really mean in love with my nephew. We're not talking a family thing. love love Yeah, I remember that song No, don't worry There's too many songs like

She bangs, she bangs Oh baby, she moves She moves I go crazy Because she looks like a flower And I sting like a bee Oh Yeah, that's what he does

She bangs, she bangs But don't you hear the she How hard he hits that she In there? She for sure woman bangs bangs me consensually. Yes.

That song Not Ready to come out was a hit too. I'm not ready to come out. I'm still living a life in La Vida. I will say it was a different time.

Ninety eight may as well have been like a hundred million years ago when it came to people being able to be who they really want to be especially in the celebrity world. But still, that doesn't mean

that you can have sex with your nephew and then beat him up. Yes, Ricky Mert. Who knows? Jury's out on that one. Are you juries out? You believe? I'm just mad at a court of law, right?

Get you to agree? The Ricky Martin, who knows if it's good or not? We have to find out with a jury in a court of law. Well, I think we can agree that the facts look bad. We don't know if the facts are true. It does look bad. But I think we can agree that the facts, if true, bad. Bad if true.

As the sage Woody Allen once said when he got together with his adopted daughter, the heart wants, MJ. And bad then bad now. Man, we are chock full of badmonds today because we got to talk about Army Hammer. The stuff is all over the place. I thought that it was like all I could hope for Army Hammer. It's a rough one.

It's a rough one this week, y'all. Yes. And to be fair, I have seen other people. I feel like Army Hammer resurfaced this week to be like, people who are like, what's going on with Army Hammer? And Jackie's over here doing a family tree and all the different cannibals in his family. Man, Army Hammer's.

family is fucked up by the way. So what is this? Give me this intel. I didn't know his whole family was a bunch of cannibalistic. Yeah. Give me a little genogram of the Army Hammer family. Sexual DV. Yeah. You don't have to, if it's too dark, maybe be vague. But just give me the, give me the elevator. But I do want to. I want to know how exactly how fucked up this fucking family is. It's that thing where I want to get a little close to it, but I don't want to get burned. I want to like put my hand right over the flame, but like not actually. Yeah. So you want to know things like how Army Hammer's father, Michael. had this structure about seven feet high that features a chair with a hole in the seat, a cage underneath, and a hook with it? Yes, I do want to know. That's what you want to know about it. Holy shit. With the hammer coat of arms

painted on the seat of it. In one photo, Michael, his father sits atop the throne grinning while holding the head of a blonde woman sitting in the cage and also smiling. Now, here's the thing. I looked into this a little bit further because Army Hammer and the reason I wanted to make sure before I started yelling about Army Hammer that he is truly a bad person.

And again, I know under a court of law, I guess we can't like definitely say it. But I'm going to definitely say that Army Hammer, am I the deviant? The answer is yes. Yeah, yeah. And we're not incarcerating anybody. So it's okay for us to speculate on whether this, whether we believe that charges. the allegation. But also, I think you're speaking towards something,

and this does, is when things get great. I mean, you host a weekly show, sex positive show. You know, there's, like, so many different kinds of kinks out there. Like, being open to that sort of thing is something I think you strive for. But it gets into this awkward territory where, like, where is the line? Where is the line where, like, the kink or whatever gets to a point where it's in a territory that is, like, maybe not cool, right? Is that kind of what?

That's what you're struggling with. when there's no respect. And when there's no communication, unconsensual and no respect given and received through the process. Okay. Right. This fuck chair might be totally fine if both people using the fuck chair are into it. Are down.

But we know for sure that that's not the case with Army Hammer. We know for sure that this isn't just kink. This is him, you know, abuse, exploitation, all these things, right? Yes. And especially even down to the fact that like when he openly said, like, of course I don't, like, use my like blood plague kinks and things like that with my wife. I respect my wife. Which is like one of the, like that is truly abhorrent.

It truly goes to share. And we're talking about Army Hammer who was included in a vanity fair spread of airs and heirses in 2009 because he is the heir to the Occidental Petroleum Fortune. This is, we're talking generational wealth of this guy. And I wanted to make sure that I had the. information properly that like it is known in his entire family not not obviously not all of the family but specifically his father and his grandfather that were known to be sexual sadists and again consensual then great but there's certain like the way of like the accusations of sexual abuse

the the the things that I just read about that I'm not going to get into about the things that his family has at least, it's been known in the world, but they're so rich that not a lot has happened to them. And that doesn't make Army Hammer necessarily a bad human being. He could have gotten help and he could have, you know, worked to not be like that. But then on top of it, people are capable of redemption. Right. But the many accusations that are out against him. And that's why when people are like, oh my God, look at Army Hammer. He's working as, he's like selling timeshares in Cabo. Isn't that fucking hilarious?

It's like, like I'm in like, but now he needs to make money for his family. I don't feel bad for this guy. Apparently the family has cut him off. And now people are like, isn't it so great? Robert Downey Jr. is helping him because Mel Gibson helped Robert Downey Jr. through his time when it came to like addiction and like his downfall in Hollywood. And so Robert Downey Jr. is trying to pass along the goodwill and he is providing a place for Army Hamid to stay. He is funding his life right now. He put him into rehab.

I'm not saying that it's not nice that Robert Downey Jr. is doing this. But couldn't you have picked someone else who's like struggling? with addiction, couldn't you have helped someone else, not the person that is not only accused of multiple accounts of sexual assault, as well as cannibalism, as well as, like, destroyed his family? And, like, I don't feel bad for him because his insanely wealthy generational wealth of evil family cut him off. I don't feel bad for this guy. Let him have a job.

Why shame him for it? Go ahead. Have a job. But, like, you all. Also, I mean, maybe you shouldn't be, like, talking to people and charming people. I think that that's also kind of yucky. Maybe, like, can you just get, like, a desk job? Yeah, a job where you don't interact with anyone.

And, I mean, it's so interesting, right? Because, of course, and it's interesting that Robert Donnie Jr. is, like, is, right. It's like taking this compassionate view or whatever. Because in general, I actually think that this level of compassion should be extended to most people who are on the sex offender registry list, right? because there's like all these really interesting things about people who end up on the sex offender registered risk, maybe for like teen sexting that really didn't hurt anybody, maybe for something that really did hurt somebody. And then their whole life is fucking destroyed forever, right? Because

they can't, it's impossible to find homes. And so you get these people who are homeless, these people who are kind of forced to break the rules. And it ends up being this like shunning, it turns out shunning people even for doing horrible things, completely shunning them from society, excluding them from ever being able to have a home or ever being able to make enough money to survive, that's not good. But that's also not what's happening with Army Hammer, right? It's not like he has nothing. It's just that he has fallen from grace. And so I feel like that's, on the one hand, I think it's compelling that Robert Donnie Jr. is like even the worst among us deserve to still be taken care of. Like, in principle, I think I agree with the idea that's motivating that. But I think the problem with Army Hammer is, like, even the problem with Army Hammer, is that there hasn't seemed, aside from professional consequences, there haven't really been any other consequences for the harms or, you know, or justice or whatever for the harms that he's caused.

Yes. Also, blind item, newsflash. This was going to be, there's going to be a blind item for this week, but it couldn't because it's included in the main article. So I just wanted to read this out to you, see if you agree. In addition to helping him out financially, this former A-List superhero also suggested the current, quote, job of the actor

to get people talking about him in a different way so he could be cast in a new movie and have the questions be about the job rather than something else. The blind item, so therefore, being Robert Dyn Jr. was like, you should do this time share thing. It'll get people talking about you in a different way. It'll get people, in fact, it worked even better

because it's getting... Oh, Army Hammer. Yeah. Okay. You should get this time chair job. It'll get people talking about you in a different way And worked out even better Because now people are feeling sympathy

Because the media is like I can't believe it selling talk jazz What a loser and a snoozer! He's got a real job Like a real real? Oh my God Why does he just cut his head off Jump off a bridge afterwards somehow

He goes heads fucking cut off his body I don't get fuck how he does it He's a Normie now And Normies are like you And they could never get into Zizons On a Wednesday And get a table at a head spot So I hate a thing

I hate Army Hammerers because he's got a fucking normal job. I don't give him shit. Right. Yeah. I mean, I hate normies with their normie jobs. You can agree on that way. I don't like people who like work. That's weird.

Because yucky is, right. Ew. If Robert Downey Jr. is like, listen, I have been, like, I have had a steep fall due to, like, you know, my own struggles. And so I will extend, like, empathy to this person who just had, like, a terrible fall from, from, from, Okay, okay, all right, again, like substance, you know, addiction issues, like not the same as, like, you know, abusing other people, violating their consent, you know, that's different. I think one deserves much more empathy than the other. But, like, if it's a career rehab thing, that's not at all. Again, this man, fine.

If he deserves to live life and get by and not be on the street, sure, fine. But he does not deserve to be like, actually, now I can be a movie star again. Remember the cannibalism thing? Just forget it. That's the thing, right? Hang it up, right? I mean, and we did mention that he is staying in the guest house at Robert Downey Jr.'s place, did we? Yeah.

No, I mean, now he is, yes, after the rehab and everything. After the rehab and everything, now he's literally staying with Robert Downey Jr. And his family, which, again, I'd be like, well, you know, that's edgy having a cannibal. That's like a really good, maybe that's a good premise for a movie. Actually, maybe I should make a movie out of this. Cannibal in the guest house. Am I a devian? Am I a devian?

Well, it could be funny because it could be a bit of a horror movie based on how acceptance can go wrong. Like over acceptance can go wrong. Or like guilt about your own past and you trying to make up for it by like helping someone else out can go bad. Whoa, copyrighted. Yeah, copyrighted. Put it up there with the guest house.

But again, I mean, it's, I think what's so fucked is that when Robert Downey Jr. was like in the throes of his, is like substance use. It was a time when being a substance user in Hollywood, we had as, society had as little sympathy for substance users as it does for pedophiles, right? And it's different now. Now there is, I think, some empathy of like, oh, this is like something that people deserve compassion for. But like, so I wonder what, I wonder if that's like if he just feels like, well, everybody, you know, I just feel like you're conflating these two different things that are totally different. What involves

hurting other people knowingly you know knowingly abusing other people that's just so fucking different than what Robert Duny Jr.'s situation was. But can I just say this about cannibalism? I mean at the end of the day the mouth wants. Go ahead. The mouth wants. The mouth wants what it wants. I thought you were going to say you're not hurting anybody after

if you're eating them when they're already. No, no, the mouth wants what it wants, MJ. That's why I eat hot dogs. I know I'm not supposed to eat this many hot dogs a year but like the mouth wants what the mouth wants. True.

It's true. This is what everybody who was vegetarian for a while and then gave it up, the mouth wants what the mouth wants. The mouth is going to get what the mouth is going to get. Ladies and gentlemen. And we all know. No, that's the name of the movie. Cannibal in the guest house, colon, the mouth's going to get.

What? The mouth's going to get colon, semicolon, the mouth wants it. It's a very long title. It's a very long time. I don't know why they did a colon followed by a civic call either after the first subtitle. Yeah. It's very bizarre. No, I was about to say, we all know what Jaff's mouth wants, though.

J.F. is in the hood. J.F. is not as good as J-Lo, but I guess we have to accept it. Can we not call her J-Lo anymore? Good question. At this point, you know what? We don't call you anything. If you're going to keep changing the name, I'm out. Yeah.

Yeah. How many times do you have to deal with this? Is it J-Lo? Is it Ginny from the block? Is it Ginny down under next season? It's going to be Australian Jennifer Lopez. Do you think Jennifer Garner is just like, oh, yeah, welcome to the Jennifer fucking Affleck club,

even though she'd, I don't know if she'd ever actually changed her name. But I just think it's amazing that the two of the two Jennifer is. But maybe that's not that big a deal. I think it's one of those who are like legally or whatever her name is Jennifer Affleck, but I think in entertainment, is she not still going to go? Like on the movie poster, is she not still going to go with Jennifer Lopez? I thought that was what, at least that's what she said in the very old clip from before the before time. She was like, yeah, it'll be Jennifer Lopez.

When they were going to get buried the first time. Which is kind of fun, though. In 2003, this clip resurfaced that J-Lo was asked if she was going to take Ben Affleck's last name. And she's like, yeah, but my name will be Jennifer Affleck, but I'm going to go as Jennifer, like, go by Jennifer Lopez. And, but now does she, like, I feel like her career. is so different than it was in 2003 that, like, she is a household name. Like, my father knows who J-Lo is. Like, if a 76-year-old knows who J-Lo is, I think that, like, she's got enough recognition

that you can go by whatever the fuck she wants, and we're going to know who it is. I mean, are they going to make Jolie, too? Oh, that is, but then that's why, I don't know if you've noticed, but there have been so many articles being like, let's revisit Jeeley. Let's not. 20 years later, the love that started it all, let's revisit Gile. I was like, why are we revisiting Gile?

Go listen to our episode. We're in the throes of pandemic. The beginning of this pandemic. We revisited Gile so you don't have to, and can we not recommend it? I will give you absolutely what Gile is. I think people are confused as what it is. It's absolutely just at the time

where it was like, what was it, get shorty or whatever? Is that the name of the movie? Right. There is a movie called Get Shorty. Yes. It was all those wisecracking gangster movies where they'd be like killing a guy but like making little quips while doing it.

Like everybody had like a bad knockoff of like the scenes from Pulp Fiction that are now like, you know, classic legendary scenes. Do I need to rewatch Get Shorty? She Get Shorty's great. Dude. It was one of a very, very bad version of that

when that trend was happening. Well, it's also trying to like incorporate like an early 2000s understanding of queerness. Like, rough. She's a lesbian, but he's like, what if I try hard about you? Just like, well, my version of that is chasing Amy, you know, with, of course, the protagonist's names Holden McNeil. And I will say, played out in real life a little bit similar to my own story.

Didn't he turn her? We were talking about that the other day. It was like, everyone always says you turned me from lesbian. It's so not true. I will say Lexi was, if you know the lore of Lexi, she was predominantly on the Lesbon side of things. but she'd been dating guys before me. I didn't fucking just like entrance her to the other side,

to the land of the straits. You jealied her. Describing the plot of Jeeley doesn't, honestly, whatever the opposite of do it justice, like it doesn't convey enough how bad it is. Because, of course, there's plenty of women who, like, date women and then fall for a guy, or there's plenty of women who date men and then fall for women. They're called bisexual.

Of course, right. Gender is, sexuality is fluid, et cetera. Or pansexual, yeah. Like, it's not even like that. It's just, like, the way they deal with her, like, lesbianism is so... She's like, I'm lesbian. Yeah. Yes, it's just like...

And he's just like, like, what the fuck? And it's, like, treated... It's not treated like a, oh, this is something about you. It's like treated as like a project that he has to... This connection that it's been afflick in both of those movies that he just was the, like, lesbian whisperer. He's in the 90s. He's the main character. Yeah.

Wow. Oh, yeah. also chases gets Amy, who's lesbian. So that sounds like Jason Gaby and Gilee are the same plot with a different genre. Yeah. One is trying to be like a quippy, hip gangster movie, and one is like an indie, yeah, sad boy comedy kind of thing. But then also, didn't Gile also, wasn't it his brother that was like mentally handicapped

and, right? Yes. I have not gone back to it. I put it into a weird, yes. And like it's something about that And like it's so horrific Even though again It's 20 years ago

And it really shows that it's 20 years ago Of just like how much is this movie Trying to jam into one? Yes Well that also speaks towards it Did there's something about Mary come out By that time by the time of chasing Amy and Gile And why are they all rhyme?

You're right, you're right Jackie There is 98 Apparently Ben Affleck's daughter called Gile quote unquote, ableist and disgusting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is, don't rewatch it. I don't recommend it. Do not rewatch Gile.

It is, yeah. It's, that's... I mean, it didn't hold up back then, but it doesn't hold up even more now. Right. It was like a famously terrible movie in 2003. And so you can imagine how bad it is now. I forgot about the whole disability aspect of it.

I love, like, Pulp Fiction, and what Territon. did like early in his, I mean all through his career, but early in his career is like amazing. It really produced a horrible genre of film for a certain amount of time. I just hate movies. We're like, you know, and I felt like I succumb to this back in the day when I was younger. I was tricked by this, but it was just like, we're cool, right? We're a cool movie, huh? Look how cool this fucking movie is, bro.

Like to a point where it took me a long time to like Snatch. Because I felt that from Snash where I got really high and watched Snatch the movie theater. I was like, this was fucking boy. bullshit. Like, I just like, because it's true. It is very like, look how snazy cool we are. Look how we'll make jokes about this show you liked when you were a kid, but we'll say the fuck word a lot while we do it.

And then we're going to blow a guy's brains out. Then we're going to say the Inward. Yeah, yeah. It was just insane with that. It was so rampant and annoy. And like it was, and in hindsight, too, I think they thought there was like such a formula to those and they pump so many out. But it actually is really hard to get that right,

which is why Tarantino was like so good. at what he did, you know, and does. Okay, so chasing Amy was 1997. There's something about Mary was 1998. And Shealy was 2003. So that means Ben Affleck six years went by from his first convert a lesbian movie to his second convert a lesbian movie. And no alarm bells would offer him.

He was just like, yeah, this worked the first time. Let's do it again. Oh, God, I forgot. Larry, who Affleck plays is a cross between a. lackey on the Sopranos and Andrew Dice Clay, flexes his tattooed biceps and says things like, in every relationship, there's a bull and a cow,

which, rough, the quotes from Gilee are so upsetting. Sounds funny. No, you can't be a lesbian. In every relationship, there's a bull and a cow. 2003,

that's even too late. Like, Gili was, like, It's prime when it came out. I will never forget when the three of us watched fucking Holiday in Handcuffs with Mario Lopez and Marissa Johart and Melissa Joanhart.

And it was 2009. And like the amount of sexual assault jokes in that movie, it was like, it took a watch. Things have all, everyone's like, everything's so woke now. It has literally been since like 2013 tops that there's any semblance of awareness. in like mainstream conversations about shit, like, don't say ablest slurs and like, you know,

don't be fucking violent about consent. Like, it was so recently that we were making movies that were just like a fucking hellscape out here. Well, speaking of hellscapes out there, are you guys ready for the celebrity conspiracy theory? Yes, but I immediately got upset because we didn't say the word hellmouth at all during the Riverdale Roundup. We didn't talk about the hellmouth. It was a hellmouth. I love Hellmouth. There's a hellmouth in this episode of Riverdale.

We forgot to talk about the hellmouth, MJ. Pops is on the hellmouth. Pops is on the hellmouth. I've always said if I were to have all the money in the world and could build my whole thing, I would definitely have a fucking hellmouth in the back. Dude, that's great. I think that you should start building it now. Yeah, that is amazing.

Well, that's cool. Well, what would you rate that hell mouth out of 14 demons? What are you giving? Negative three demons. Was that disappointing about a hellmouth? Well, we haven't really learned much about the hellmouth yet. Okay. Well, oh, it hasn't like done its thing because it's supposed to spit out.

We just found out it is a hellmouth. Yeah. So, but it still is a negative three hellmouse. Because everything about Janet is the guardian angel of Riverdale. It's a hellmouth has just been a nightmare. Yeah, this season of Riverdale. Check out Riverdale round up to hear two people begrudgingly talk about a show that they mistakenly thought would continue to be good

or would end at some point. Years ago. Years ago. We were so young. Riverdale was good and not endless. Sorry, but I guess now we can sing the song. All right, let's do it. Hit me with a share.

Do you believe it? Is Jake Gyllenhaal a dirty thief? Well, because of the scarf? No. Oh, my God, not because a T-sway scarf? Not a T-sway bligh-blay. Wow. Celebrity a conspiracy, rather.

This one comes in from Anastasia. Hello, hello, hello, holden. I'm going to cut right to the chase. Jake Gyllenhaal is a brazen clepto, in parentheses, allegedly. How do I know this? I'm not a PA, director, costume, or no. But I worked at a Whole Foods in a medium-sized city where a lot of movies get filmed,

thus resulting in many a weird celebrity incident entering my line of sight. The scene, a less busy than normal whole foods on a weekday morning. The perp, Jake Jill. The crime? Eating a yogurt cup while he shopped, spoon and all. And not paying for it. He boldly licked the last of the yogurt from the plastic spoon.

As he approached the checkout line, he placed his other items on the belt, leaving empty yogurt cup and dirty spit spoon on the top of his cart. This left my co-worker, this left to not only clean up his mess. But he wasn't charged the $1.99 like every other schmuck. Jake Gillett-Hall. A lot of respect for the Whole Foods, customers. I can't tell. Jake Gillen-Hall is a five-finger discount fiend, in parentheses, allegedly.

Do with this information what you will. In solidarity with Taylor's version, thank you, Anastasia. Anastasia. Wow. It just immediately makes me think of that other conspiracy that we had a long time ago where Katie Holmes had her own secret, restricted access into a Whole Foods. Is Whole Foods just like the, talk about a hellmouth?

Are Whole Foods a hell mouth? Yes, because of course, that's probably the only place that celebrities, you know, can like, that's probably the only grocery store where they don't feel super uncomfortable going into. I say nay, the true hellmouth is Arawan.

One just opened up by me. Have you started this? It's nowhere backwards, first of all. So get that, put that in your pipe and smoke it. But it is like cult-like in its grocery store. It is so fancy. Lex and I went for the first and probably last time, like a month ago. Airwan? Airwan.

What the hell? It is like crazy fancy. It's so nice. I don't know if I'm going to throw it out there. I don't think I've ever been inside of a Whole Foods. That goes to show where, yeah, that's where my level of refused to pay that. Lexi goes to get her, like, weird shit, her, like, oat bean stuff. I won't go there.

That's where she goes for that stuff. I won't do it. So she'll go once every couple weeks. She'll go get her like oat, nut, pie, cream sandwich. No, but they have it at the Ralph's. I like a coupon. I'm a coupon girl. There's no coupons at the Whole Foods, right?

No, there's only coupons. And I don't want, what am I? John Pusack? Yeah, yeah, I won't be it. You can't go, yeah. I believe this. I think that I think, I completely believe this. I believe the shit out of course I believe.

I believe the shit out of this. I, I've only worked in a grocery store for a small amount of time. And every, like, I feel like I would see that kind of stuff all the time. And I imagine if you already feel like you are greater than in so many different situations, but you don't even think about it. Like, I don't even know it's like, is it even like, is it nefarious at that point that we just give celebrities so much of a birth that they're like, well, they're just going to do what they're going to do. Why? Listen, like you have, if you have the slightest exposure in the times of my life where I've had the slightest exposure to what it's like to be rich, like if you stay in a nice hotel,

or something, right? Or if you go to like a nice restaurant, you immediately start acting like a fucking psychopath and you're just like, well, this should be brought to me. Like, it's tall, and how, so if you're like, if all your life is like that and you just think people should bring me stuff, people always bring me stuff, they should bring me stuff.

Why wouldn't you walk through a grocery store and just start eating food off the shelves? Yeah. Well, because, as we mentioned before, the mouth wants. With the mouth once! This is what we've learned today. Jake Chilipa.

But also, I walked through the door with you. The air was cold. Something about it felt like homesome. How and I left my scarf. No, you're not doing the 10 minutes. You're not doing the 10 minutes of it. I will not listen to it. I will not listen to it.

I will not listen to it. She's not a lady as more. She's a young girl. She's not the same. Just imagine. She was like Ricky Martin's nephew, she was. Oh my God. Walking down the aisle of the Whole Foods.

Eating a yogurt and thinking about how much he hurt Taylor's his feelings. Unbelievable. This guy, huh? He's a thief. All right, we're done. Eat his yogurt on the gogurt. Do they sell gogurt at a whole foods? Yeah, but it's going to be marked up organic gogurt.

They sell no-gurt. There's nothing in the cup, but I just pretend to eat it so you could lose weight. I get it. It's like hook rules. Yeah, you have hook rules. Like, no, no, no, there is food in there. The whole foods you need to know, Jackie, is that, like, one-eighth of its stock is, like, mysteriously cheap.

So it does make sense to shop there sometimes. Why? Because you can get, like, really good Whole Foods brand crackers that are organic or whatever for, like, $150. But then, like, a thing of olives will be, like, $11. They also weirdly sell naughty chairs. It's a chair with a hole in it, um, in a cage. Oh, no, in a cage and a hook.

The fuck chair aisle. Way in the back. You got to get past the salad bar. No. I am next to a Gelsons. Gelsons is the same thing where like this is the Gelsons that Henry saw like Mel Brooks inside of one time. You know, it's like that's the kind of person that go. And like I went in, I'm not kidding you.

I bought like five zucchini and they were $32. And I was just like, why would I come in here? Like I outside, I felt like I was Larry David. I was in the parking lot. Like, why? Like I didn't say it to the person. I just paid for it. And I left.

And it was like, why would I ever go in there again? Right. Why would I ever? I know that they were the nicest, most beautiful zucchini I've ever seen in my life. But I was so upset with myself that I'm like, why did I pay it? I should have been like, you know what? No, thank you. Yeah.

No, you just got to make a $32. $32.00 for the zucchini. I've grown zucchini. I know how prolific they are. Sorry. Now I'm just yelling. Now I'm just yelling for nothing. It's time for the list.

Oh. Who's on the list? Yay. Got to have that list. 15 studio rejections that went on to be hugely successful. Speaking of Ricky Martin, back to the future was rejected because there was not enough sex,

too much sexual innuendo. So there was not enough sex, too much sexual innuendo, fine with the amount of incest, but this, that there was not enough sex, but too much sexual innuendo. And I don't understand why you would read,

Rather, especially writer and producer, Bob Gale, said the film was rejected a whopping 40 times, with studios saying it was too sweet and too nice, while the biggest comedies at the time were R-rated titles like Porky's. The overall verdict was that it was a Disney movie, but when the team pitched Marty's adventure to the House of Mouse, they rejected it too,

with an executive producer telling them that they were out of their minds. You can't make a movie like this here? This is Disney, and you're giving us a movie about incest. the kid with his mother in the car. That's horrible! Which is what I imagine that this Disney person sounded like. And if you'd like to know more about the history

of Back to the Future, check out Wish in the Brewster. We did a two part on it. But ignore the part where I said Back to the Future, too, is a rushed money grab because people don't like to hear that because they're really fond of that movie.

Yeah, I got some angry people at me for what I said about Back to the Future part too, which is actually real. Like, people were incensed. Well, I feel like there are lots of things on this that you probably have done, a Wizard and the Rooster on like Star Wars. That no one wanted to do Star Wars.

Uh-huh. Well, of course. It's insane. I mean, I also just remember what's her name? Fucking Princess Leia saying, like, you know. Carrie Fisher. This, Carrie Fisher talking to Luke Skywalker, what's this? Luke Skywalker.

It's early. It's, I don't know what. Mark Hamill. It was Mark Hamill. It was Mark Hamill. And they were like, can you believe this script? This is fucking horrible. Like, they, they add. a bunch of stuff in the script and stuff

to make it more just understandable. It was as if it was written by a robot, which George Lucas wrote it. I mean, so you know, it makes sense. Like, nothing, you know, Star Wars like, changed the game. You know, I mean, so of course no one knew that this was going to be this

giant. C-Fi was so much more niche before this moment. Right. And it really made, put sci-fi on like a larger scale, you know, and became this smash hit. But yeah, I mean, there was like a million reasons why that movie should have failed and then it just ended up being this miraculously incredible hit in movie theaters. And apparently the only person that believes Star Wars would be a

hit was Steven Spielberg, who really believed in it. Um, had no idea. But you're right, it makes complete sense. It's such a huge undertaking. And it started off as kind of like an indie movie to studios. So like, why are you going to give it that much money? Right. I mean, come on. And think about how Jaws came to be, you know, in Spiel. I mean, those guys created the summer blockbuster, as we know. I mean, they, there wasn't, it didn't exist before. Check out my E.T. episode on which in the bruiser. Hell yeah.

Well, apparently, and then, did you do a Squid Game episode yet? We have not done a Squid Game, maybe probably for the season two coming out, we'll probably do it. Hell yeah, because Squid Game took 10 years to get greenlit. It was rejected all the time because it was too unrealistic and also that it was deemed too brutal and implausible. Makes sense to me. Until it got to Netflix. And now, don't worry, they're all. also making a reality show out of it, which again, I don't understand if you're not really going to

kill the people. I wish they would kill the people. And I will also say that, you know, I've been thinking about this a lot watching Stranger Things and like what kids actually want and what like people actually want to sit down and watch. And like there's some pretty rough shit in season four Stranger Things. Like the way the monster kills people is just very disturbing. Wouldn't you say, MJ? Extremely disturbing. It's a huge hit with like at least high school kids, if not middle school kids, right? But middle school kids too, yeah. I mean, when season one started, I thought that it was kind of like going to be a hit with middle school kids. And I think it wasn't at first, like, because it was kind of marketed more to like millennials, like, or Gen X even, like, have your nostalgia about the 80s.

Especially with Winona Ryder and Sean Astin. Like, you know, it's like that kind of level. But the kids love it. And it is technically lightweight for like as far as actual horror, the horror genre goes. But it's under the guise that it's not that it's like heavy shit. It's like scary as hell. And I think that's what kids want. They want like the illusion that it's like big kids stuff,

but it's not quite all the way. Yeah. Like I think if I had a 13 year old, I would be fine with them watching Stranger Things, but it is scary. But you know, the eyeballs get sucked up in the cragling, the bones, I mean, it's fucked up. It's scary.

The way the monster kills people, yeah, it's just true. I mean, I got by the way, I watched the episode with that too. It was very fun. It's good except that it's like during the most impactful emotional powerful moment you're just thinking of Jackie yeah totally she's like floating in white sheets like a boy like I just see her like in the scene like every 80s music video but it's Jackie like right totally in the wind in the wind in the wind with the

exorcist because no one wanted to make the exorcist apparently it was submitted to every studio in town. William Peter Blatley, who wrote the book, said, I could paper the walls of my bathroom with rejection slips. I feel like this, again, does not surprise me in the least. No. Yeah. Why would you want to make that movie? Yeah, it's terrifying. I mean, in a way that we didn't realize was, like, incredibly marketable and sellable. This also makes sense. Agents didn't even want to pitch dumb and dumber, which makes very much sense. Makes total sense. They might have been right.

You know, a great movie, of course. I mean, amazing movie. I think the world would probably be fun. The amount of my dad would just shake his head and shame for like how what is popular comedy for. I mean, it's so true. It was just like, seriously. Yes.

Dads of the 90s did not understand the rise of Jim Carrey. I think that. No. No. And this, this is what I really want to look into. Have you done a Secret of NIM episode? Well, we did a Blum House episode where we covered Secret of NIM and. Yeah, so technically kind of.

Gotcha, because I had no idea. The secret of NIM was rejected by Disney and caused their animators to go rogue. Animators Don Booth, Gary Goldman, and John Pomeroy were working for Disney when they pitched the story of mice and rats to the company who didn't want to make it because they already did a mouse movie, the rescuers.

Right. By then the animators were already in conflict with the way Disney was handling the quality of its animations, so they fought for the rights of NIM, left Disney and produced the cult classic movie themselves. What a great story. By the way, Blumhouse, I'm such an idiot. Don Bluth. We did an episode on Don Bluth. He directed Secret of Nymn. He directed American Tale, Land Before Time. I was wondering how Blumhouse had something to do with it, but I was like, I probably just don't know.

I'm just so bad with, I'm already bad with names and rivals and stuff. And then it's this early in the morning. I have no, I just like my brain is mush. But yes, he did American Tale, Land Before Time. All Dogs Go to Heaven. I loved that movie. Yes. He did all that stuff. Anastasia. you know, and on, and he was just such an interesting guy. And American Tale was also such a bizarre, you know, thing that you would never think. Cornerstone of our childhood. I know.

It was like really cool. And really kind of came in at a time when Disney was really struggling and gave us some good kids movies. And also, I will say, speaking of Stranger Things, Stranger Things was rejected by close to 20 networks. Before becoming one of Netflix's biggest shows to date, the Duffer Brothers said they pitched the story about young kids and Russians to 15 to 20 networks. Some networks thought the show was too dark and scary. Others didn't like that it was science fiction. One executive apparently told the Duffers,

either got to make it into a kid's show or make it about this hopper character investigating paranormal activity around town. Kids want to be scared and they want to feel like they're watching something they shouldn't be. I mean, it is so obvious, you know, that that's the case. They always try to baby things up for kids. want to be tested and challenged in like a safe space. The stranger thing is a great example of like baby's first horror experience, you know?

Totally because nothing super disturbing is happening. Like nothing violently sexual or anything is happening, you know, like yeah, I totally. And also, as we all know, everybody wants their own childhoods hold back to them. So it's like great for adults. Yes. And it's great for kids. Yeah, they get both. Because remember like Goonies even, right?

It was scary. I mean, those mob bosses were like actually terrifying villains, right? The pirate stuff, all the booby traps. Oh, yeah. Genuinely scary. Yeah, but in a fun, it gives you a rush. We don't, you know, kids don't want big stuff. They can tell when it's babyed up.

They can tell, just like they can tell when you're not really, when you're like play acting with them, but you're phoning it in, right? You're half-assing it. They fucking know. You got to go full bore, all right? Let them pick up the pieces. They can take care of the rest. And then how do you feel when they tell an actual child themselves that they are rejected?

Disney rejected Selena Gomez. Isn't that like horrendous? The only orders in the building star. Yeah. The Disney Channel didn't want to sign her because they felt she wasn't strong enough. Selena Gomez says, when I was 11, I had a casting director say to me, you're not strong enough to carry your own show. You're not strong enough to be a part of the Disney Channel.

I cried all the time afterwards, but I just kept on working hard. Whenever you have a goal, whether you want it to be a doctor or a singer, people will find a way to bring you down. I always tell people that if you have something you're really passionate about, don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it. Can you imagine telling a child, you just ain't got a kid? Get the hell out of my office. Like, that's, that breaks my heart.

I mean, I think unfortunately that's happened to millions of children. So many. Oh, so, so, so many. Hey, rejection is the best thing that can happen to you. That's one of the best things ever happened to us getting kicked out of acting school. It forced me to, you know, figure it out. Figure it out. It forces you to, you know, work on it and overcome. But it's just, man, doing that to a kid. Yeah. No, it's not. What kind of a person you can look at a kid and say that. I mean, we're very concerned about

the mental health of the child actors. That's why I, but I'm trying to get this ingrained early so they're not affected by it as bad. Like, I'll just eat a bunch of candy in front of Winnie, you know, I'll just sit there and she'll just be like, me have me. You know, You know have. Whole bag. It was like it's empty now. You can't. I ate it all.

You're a monster. That's the list. I am a monster. Maybe that's why I'm cursed with the fact that I think I'm going blind. Items. Oh, we can't see them. That works. That works.

It does the job. We got it into the harbor, y'all. We figured it out. Steered the ship. We did it. I guess this foreign-born superhero already chose soft. in an upcoming divorce because he was spotted having lunch

with this hard to spell model and her son. The model's going through the divorce. The superhero has a sexual desirousness. Benedict Cumberbatch? No. So wait, he's going through the divorce? No, but everyone else does.

Jesus, MJ. Wait, he's going through the divorce? No, no, the model's going through the divorce. And he was helping her. Christian Bill. No, the model has got some blurry lines in their past is a reference to a song that they're connected. Robin Thick?

They're connected to models connected to blurred lines? Maybe. Who's in blurred lines? Henry Cavill? Miley Cyrus performed with Robin Thick at the VMAs. There was classically a naked woman in the blurred lines video. It was the model. I don't remember you're asking the name of the model.

I don't know anything about models. What else do we know we know from? Oh, being hot in that music video If you don't know her from that music video I don't know what to tell you, okay? I was too busy talking about everything else That sucks about that music video Emily Radajowski

You looked it up so fast You had your head spin Oh, but she was at I Carly Oh, okay, I didn't know that Wow, she was Yeah, she's fine In two episodes of the third season She's enjoyable looking.

I'm sorry, I'm just laughing at when you look up blurred lines and you know how Google shows like the lyric, like the first paragraph of lyrics and the first paragraph of lyrics is just, everybody got up, everybody gets up. I'm so mad. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I am mad at both of you. Hey, hey, hey. I'm so mad at both of you that you both just did this. You both just put this into my head. You did this.

I can't see it aloud. You better get it. It's a naughty chair. The mouth was what it was. The mouth wants what it wants. The mouth does what it was. It wants to sing Blurred lights.

You're going to sit in the cage. I'm going to sit over. So is he shitting on the woman's head in the lobby chair? I think so. Is that what's happening? I think so. I think so.

And there's a hole in the chair. Yeah, I think that's what's happening. It could be for, the hole could be for dicks, not for shit. Yeah, I guess. The super all described by one word, brooding. Robert Pattinson. Yes, he was having recently was reported

the model will be divorcing her husband over his cheating on her just a year after they welcomed their first child. Robert Pattinson apparently having lunch with all Emily Radigelsky, which I would watch that tape, my friends. I could watch that tape. I would watch that tape.

She is a smoke show. I'd watch it, but I'm too busy watching the blurred lines music video. Thanks to you. Oh, you know you want it. You want it. Please just look at the lyrics written out. You know you need it.

Everybody get up. Everybody get up. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Poor Jeff. That's who you just, you just damned Jeff to a blurred lines purgatory

that he is trapped in, and he's the only one that can listen to me sing it because I can't sing it live anywhere. You gotta work it in gradually. You gotta be like, if he reached, he's like, can you pass assault,

you gotta be like, you know you want it. You know you need it. Oh yeah, just really just like psychologically abuse him with it. Army Hammer. Like at the end of the night When it's time to get off the couch and go to bed,

you gotta be like, everybody get up. Everybody get up. Come on, baby. After like a week, he's like, have you been quoting blurred lines like a little bit every day? But like adding this whole like cannibal narrative underneath it as well.

Yeah, I'm also starting to wear like the Farrell hats and he's like, I don't know what to do with all of this. We're up on night to get lucky. That was, I did the daft punk episode. That's been in my head for two weeks straight. Oh, no. Oh.

It was all blurred lines and get lucky was like that whole, right? Oh yeah. 2014? That was a rough year. Get lucky a little more innocent, but still it was kind of an interesting vibe in the songs of the summer that year.

Everybody got up. 2013. In the most random of hookups, this A-list, mostly television actress with multiple hit shows to her name who all of you know is hooking up with a married jouster from medieval times?

I get it. I totally fucking get it. Have you been to medieval times lately? Oh, yeah, man. So suckable, dude, talk about getting fucking gone, going down on you in a theater. Drives in medieval times, a little bit of course.

That would be fun. We've never really, we don't talk about her much in the show. She was on a really big hit sitcom about fucking nerds. I don't know, I'm being obvious. Oh, Kaylee. Yeah, Cuoco.

Quoco. Sorry, that I really. It's because I. I won't talk about it. Yeah, we never talk about Kaylee Quoco, but she's like, it is a big name, right? Who? She's banging this jowster.

She's been going through a lot, and I think that, like, not only not being a fan of the Big Bang theory, and on top of it, like, I feel like she's had it pretty rough with the way the media writes about her. And I think that's why I kind of stay away from it, because I feel like she needs to go deal with. some stuff and I feel like guilty talking about her. I just love the idea of like her at coffee with her friend.

She's just like, Kaylee, why are you fucking this medieval times gel? I mean, look at him. Kaylee's just like, I'm going through a lot right now. That explains it. Yeah, that explains it. I get it though. Again, I mean, you watch them and you're just like, ooh, look at that. Look at them.

And then like, you're eating the chicken. with your fingers and you're sucking on your fingers and just it's a very sexual experience that probably shouldn't be. Is it sexual for everybody? I haven't been since I was in seventh grade, but I imagine, I mean, I probably found it a little sexual then. Yeah, I went. I found it a little like, God, the food is so surprisingly good. The food is great. I still remember the food. And listen, if you aren't a celebrity dating a guy, if you're a normal person, you're dating a guy who's a joustreet medieval times, that's like great and fun. And nobody would care except to think it was fun. So I don't understand why we're supposed

to be this as a step down for her. I think she I applaud it. He's married. Ah, that's the jowster. I guess where she, it's kind of like that riddle with the doctor. It could be a lady. Yeah, that jowster. Yeah, man. Wow. I can't operate on this child. He's my son.

The doctor's all whoa, whoa, whoa! All right, here's the last one. This last one I don't. The woman is divorced. I don't believe this is true at all, but I thought it was just more interesting that this is a new celebrity power couple I didn't know about.

This Body of Water B Plus List actress got her nipples pierce for her new celebrity boyfriend who's a comedian who's been hit in his face recently. Body of Water B Plus Missed actress. Can we back up? Is she named after a body of water? Her first name is a body of water. Her second name is something that goes...

Lake. Ocean. Pond. Yes. You were right with the first one. Lake. Ocean. Yes. But Jackie had it and then you had it, MJ. So put the two together. hitting his fucking head recently.

How much clear could I be? Chris Rock? Chris Rock? Yeah, apparently Lake Bell and Chris Rock are an item. I was thinking about Demi Lovato for a second because Demi Lovato just hit her head on a crystal and cut it open. So that's all I can think of. I was like, you mean Demi Lovato?

I don't even talk about that. She has this giant cut on her forehead because Demi Lovato apparently somehow hit herself with one of her healing crystals, which is hilarious. No, they had bent over. Yeah, they had bent over. and accidentally cut their face open on a crystal that was just on the table.

And they're like, oh, see, isn't it crazy? I had to wear a wig on Kimmel because, like, I hit my head on my crystal. I just in my head. So funny. But I like, first of all, really good name just together, Chris Rock, Lake Bell. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A couple of them. And they were out and about spotted cajoling, and I think it's super cute. Honestly, cool couple. Like she's awesome. Like I said, I did get to meet her. I got to watch a reading of a screenplay that did end up getting made, I believe. Oh, that's awesome.

Early versus my buddy works with her. He's a producer, my friend from high school theater, and we still hang out from time to time. But anyways, so no shade towards her. I doubt she got her nipples pierced for Chris Rock. But either way, I just thought that was a really interesting new power couple out and about. Hell yeah. I mean, you know what? I watch that tape.

Oh, yeah, no, I'd watch that tape. I'd watch that tape. Especially with the nebble beers and fuck yeah. They were spotted out looking real cute together out and about the other day. So I think it's a legit coupling. Also, there's a new season of Harley Quinn coming out too, which like this is a voice for Poison Ivy. And I'm very excited for the new season too. That's awesome.

Yeah, it's great show. Really good stuff. All right. Well, there you go. It's can see. I can see again. And now we're still friends. and you know you want it.

I'm so angry. Am I in the mouth? Am I in the mouth? It's a mouth, mouth day. It's a cannibal day. We're going to sit in a chair and poop on you. It's a mouth day. The mouth once little once, man.

I'm going to sit in a chair of shit while eating a human being. Oh, my God. Welcome to the Hammer Estate. I'm going to eat this woman while poop. who's whooping on another one. So that's where we're at right now with being in that family. By the way,

that guy, his dad looks terrifying. Yes, I know. They all is very scary. He looks like an evil guy. He's got like a long head. It's all very scary.

Yeah, terrifying. The whole family. Now I'm like, I feel like I'm going to go down such a fucking worm time reading more into this family. And I'm going to go down on someone

in a theater! Yeah! Bringing back around. I'm not. I'm not. Thank you. Thank you so much, Holden, and thank you guys for hanging out with us on this episode of page 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can follow us on TikTok at page 7 LPN, and you can come hang out over on Twitch.TV forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. We talk with Dr. Jordan, the sex therapist on Tuesdays. I play The Sims of Our Lives on Wednesdays, and you can come hang out on Sundays where Lisa Rose, the amazing stylist, and I, talk love, talk positivity and talk trying to have sex with daddies on our click game. Come hang out with us. Beautiful stuff. Check me out.

Twitch.tv. 4.000. Holdenators ho. Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams. I do Jack it with the Holdings on Friday with Jackie. So it's always a party. Come hang out with us. Besides that, man, page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

Those conspiracy theories are so, so helpful for me. Thank you again, Anastasia. That was awesome. Again, page the numeral seven podcast at gmail.com. Send us messages there. And check us out, though, if you want to further support us on Patreon, patreon, patreon. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. For $5 a month, you get an incredible amount of bonus content.

And for $10 a month, you can join us on our special Discord to watch Jersey Shore every Thursday. Jersey Shore hangs are awesome. All right. I think that's about it for me. MJ. My name's MJ and I'm MJKLKat on Instagram. Thank you guys for joining us, and it's time for the shout-out song. Shout!

Shout! Let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're going to read them to you. Come on. It's a shout-out time, and we're shouting you out. Jackie, is this because you're wearing a B-52 shirt right now, or I'm not sure?

I just noticed that I can't not sing either before the shoutout song or after the shoutout song, but that's okay. I'm here to thank you for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Don't say it all in the Mrs. Featherbottom voice, Jackie, just because now that's trolling around in your brain. I just want to thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts, and you can sit in your own shout out to page seven podcast that is seven the number page seven podcast at gmail.com and I will definitely read it and I'll send you all my love but first I'm sending my love to Elise who is shouting themselves out for their 37th birthday and Elise says and to all my fellow highly emotional cancers who feel every goddamn thing way too deeply and shout out to the people who love us cancers

who adore our cooking and nurturing, but are secretly terrified that we may kill them one day if they make us cry. I understand my sister is a cancer. 36 was a doozy, y'all, had to face some personal demons I thought were long gone. Watch what feels like the world crumbling before my eyes and spend a shocking amount of money on some,

Yikes, I'm losing it, therapy. I'm proud of you, Alais! But moving into this next year, I feel present and grounded, truly grateful for my life, my family and my partner. My partner has met me with so much patience and kindness even while I spin out. To the point that all I have to say is, I'm spinning, and he helps me talk through my anxiety. He's better than an Ativan. Whoa, that's ain't a lot.

Shout out to Jake for getting me through 36. Support is everything. Also a shout out to our beautiful little baby. be chickens that we're raising. I'm not a farm girl and never thought I'd be raising a flock of chickens, but here we go. Let's fuck together. We even have an Easter egg chicken named Holden McNeely that will ovulate blue, green, and pink eggs. Gross Holden, we can't wait. No sorrys for the ramble. I absolutely love the Monster Squad ref in the my name is Horace Chicha. Hell yeah, God bless and hail Satan.

Happy birthday to you, Elise. So much love to you, and I'm so proud of you for working on yourself. I know that it is not easy, but all of my love to you. And oh my God, oh my God, I feel like we have a celebrity in our midst. Because Risa Parker, you are so dang loved. You got double shoutouted. What? This is the first time it's happened to Risa Parker.

Vito said. just wanted to give a birthday shout out to my favorite sister-in-law, Risa Parker. She's turning 32 years old and she loves listening to you guys on page 7. I don't think she'd ever suspect me of emailing this into you guys, so I figured I'd surprise her. Happy birthday, Reese. Hopefully your birthday is awesome.

Hell yeah, Vito. And on top of that, Peter also sent his love, Risa. One of my closest family members, Reese Parker, is turning 32 on July 20th, and I thought it would be a cool idea to have a birthday shoutout for her on the Page 7 podcast. She is such a huge fan and talks about page 7 all the time. Reese is an amazing friend and will do anything for you.

She's got a big heart and cares about her pets and her family. Even though she's usually very busy, she still makes time for her loved ones. Also, I'm so sorry if it's RIS or if it's Reese, but I don't know. But I just want to say that I love your name regardless. They have been my ride or die since day one. If it's possible to say this on the show, she will literally explode from excitement. Thank you again. This, oh, you got to tell them.

This is Vito and Peter both sent in loving shoutouts to you. Double happy birthday to you, babe. I can't believe it. This is a big thing. I feel like this is a big thing. So I feel very flattered that I was given the opportunity to say happy birthday to you twice. Anyway, I want to say hello to Frank from Brooklyn. Frank says my fiancé Marissa absolutely loves you guys.

Also, I did think that this was a third because of Riss or Risa. I was like, oh, maybe it's short from Rissa. Oh my God, is this a third one? But I don't think that it is. My fiance, Marissa, absolutely loves you guys. She listens weekly and of course she drags me into your shenanigans as well. With that being said, it would really mean a lot to her. And I'd get major points if you guys.

guys can give her a really big page of a birthday shout out. Happy birthday, Marissa! Her birthday is Wednesday, July 20th, but I know you release the new episodes every Thursday, so it'll be a day late, but it'd be a nice surprise for her. Wait a second, July 20th.

It's also July 20th. Is it the same person? I have to know. Please let me know if it is. And I'm so sorry if it is, because I want you to have your own separate birthday shout-up, Marissa, if you are a different person, but you happen to have, like, similar names and you also happen to have the same birthday. So my mind is just blown right now.

But anyway, this is Frank. Frank says she literally told me today, babe, in her best friend, Treasure voice, I listen to all of this week's page seven podcasts and no show now for me. Appreciate the time you took to read his email. And if this actually happens, I'd be forever grateful. Of course, Frank.

I'm here for you, baby. Especially my Frank from Brooklyn, baby. Happy. birthday, Marissa. Now I know this next person is a different person. I want to say, happy birthday to the lovely Sophie. This comes from Ryan and Cam. They say, I would like to send a shout out to our lovely Sophie who listens to every episode of the show. Her birthday is on the 31st of July. She, like many others, is up against the world and I couldn't be prouder of her. She is the strongest and funniest person I know and a shout out from who she calls her.

best friends would mean the world. Oh, so much love to you, Sophie. Thanks to everyone for being there for her. Jackie's Twilight Reading Alone made her year. She's a love with a werewolf. Sorry that I plastered it into your head, but I'm so happy that it also not only got in your head, Sophie, but got into Ryan and Cam's head as well.

Happy birthday to you, baby. And last but at least, I just wanted to give a quick shout out to Molly, the amazing cousin of TJ, who recently sent in a shout-out for Molly's 30th birthday. And afterwards, Molly got into a bad accident and injured her face very badly. I just want to say, Molly, you look rock and fucking roll. Dude, I know the healing process is going to be rough. And I just wanted to say that you look so cool. And I feel like you should like brainstorm ideas on where your scars came from.

So you could always say that it came from different places. Like, oh, this. I was at a Winnie the Pooh convention. You don't even want to know the rage a piglet has. I don't know. Maybe not that. Maybe come up with better ones. But that could be one if you want it to be.

I just want to say so much love to you. And you got this and you're going to look great. You already look great. The picture that TJ sent, I immediately was like, fuck. So I hope that that energy feeds into your soul. soul at least a little bit. So much love to you, Molly and DJ. And to everybody else that send in a shout out. Thank you guys so much. We're ending cancer season here. And I don't want to take the shine away from the cancers just yet. So we know what's coming. Oh, we know what's

coming. And I got to deal with two babies that were born around my birthday. And oh, they got to have the parties. This is not the time to talk about this. Happy birthday to all of you guys. Love you guys so much. Thank you so much for your shoutouts. You can send in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. And I'll see you next week. I love you. I love you. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

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