Page 7 - Ep. 459: I Meated You Out, Bro

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout Princess Lasagna Baby, some upcoming Stryx streams, Lala's performance in Stray, Vanessa Lachey opens her mouth, Terrence Howard and his brand new type of physics, the horrors of the Veltini, Jackie's recent hot dog tiktok, Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin, and in celeb conspiracy corner; Does Timothée Chalamet piss in bottles and forget his lines!? The List, Blindz and SSSSSHOUTZ Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Flowerhead - Pondering My Orb (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXb6QLCaLxjvucwNlQuS2gg) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, everyone, big news from the boys of the last podcast on the left. Check out the last comic book on the left. Our most sinister comic anthology. It now has a volume two. Please, pre-order now at z2com. We have an even bigger stable of artists and talent and writers and everyone that we did for the first one, although the first one is fucking amazing. And it's still available on z2com, but we're asking to go pre-order number two,

Z2 Comics, Scott.com. You're going to like the way you read. All right, everyone. Thank you so much. Hail yourselves. Hell Satan. How good. Well, I got to hang out last night with a one, Marcus Parks.

And what did that beautiful bastard put inside of my head? And a one, and a two, and a, Ain't nothing gonna break a my stride. Ain't nobody slow me down. Oh, no, I got to keep on moving. Ain't another going to break a my stride out. Oh, no, I got to keep on moving. And I looked at him dead in the eyes and I was like, you're going to do this to me?

You're going to do this to me right now? And he said, yes, I'm going to do it to you. And he kept singing it. And just like we've done it to him in the past. And I was just so mad, man. What about when your friendship has a roundabout comeuppance years wide? Oh, he's like, you did this to me all the time back in the day. You always put break my stride stuck in my head.

And so this is my comeuppance. And welcome to page seven. this is my comeuppance episode. Comeuppance! You know, Marcus at our live show in Nashville said that he was a little disappointed and a little surprised that you did not sing Christmas shoes. So he was probably

not sure which song to sing to you. We were going to. I mean, I'm glad we didn't because we were already pushing it really hard with our time slot. But we were gonna. So, yeah, we'll definitely have to do that next time. Marcus knows you well, Jackie. He knows, man.

He knows how to get right. inside of my craw, almost like a Princess Lazzania Baby. Now, we don't need to get to Princess Lazzania Baby just yet, but I am so excited about Princess Lazzania Baby. Sure. I'm just mad because it is all an advertisement, I have found out. Princess Lazzania Baby is not just the name of a giraffe, and not just the name that Paris Hilton happened to come up with for said giraffe

inside of the Irwin Family Zoo. But it's all an Uber Eats advertisement. Makes me mad about it. Yeah. What's the connection? I mean, lasagna is a food item, but other than that, what is the connection to Uber Eats? So I did a little bit of digging.

So, I mean, I think that I kind of just laid it out here. Bairz Hilton named the newest baby giraffe at the Irwin Family Zoo in Australia, named a Princess Lazzania baby. Great name. She's a funny person. Great name. You don't want to admit how fucking funny she is, but she is. Like, that is a very funny name for a giraffe.

You know what it is? It's like letting a little kid name something. Yes. That's totally what it is. But this is, it's like either that, the thing with Paris Hill, especially when we watch that cooking show first, it's like it's either you're so dumb, like a five-year-old, like, you know, five-year-olds aren't dumb, but they're special in their own little. No, we can be honest.

Five-year-olds are fucking idiots. They don't know a lot. They're moron, any stupid. So it's like, is Paris Hilton about as smart as a five-year-old, or is she like incredibly funny in a way that's self-aware, you know? Like that's a total question about Parasota. Is there any self-awareness there? Is she a sentient person? And I think the answer is, yes.

I mean, she acknowledges it's a character that she plays. And she plays it very well. And, you know, the other thing I'd like to say about Uber Eats is, you know, you don't just have to order food. You know, oh my God, I'm an Uber Eats advertisement. Oh, my God. I am. I have to come out to all the listeners. I'm indeed in Uber Eats advertisement.

Use the app. It's free. It's not free. It's not free. It's free food. Speaking of Nashville, I had to sign up for Uber Eats when we were in Nashville because I got back to our hotel room at like four in the morning and nothing was open. and I, but Uber-Aids was open. And now I have Uber-Aids on my fucking phone and it's not free.

It's like $6.99. No, it's very expensive. And oh, don't even, you just gave me a flashback to the 4 a.m. ordering of White Castle that I was so sick. I was so sick. I was like, I think I would have been less sick if I had just been really brutally drunk than if I had also eaten. The White Castle did nothing. It only made it worse.

And I don't stick by that. You thought it was going to fix a problem, but it ended up breaking you even more. But the best way to fix a problem is to just put that thumb on that app, open it up, and you can get anything. You don't just have to get food. You don't have to just get food. That's all I'm saying to you. No, the only thing that we are shills for is Stricks. Yes, the company Stricks.

S-T-R-Y-X. This week, we are doing a full page seven stricks week. I'm going to pepper this in. You're going to have to wait a couple of minutes more for where you are going to be. to find us individual. Don't string it along. Don't change your channel. Don't change your channel.

Check out, unless you want to spend more money by using Jackie 15 is the code. Pretty sure her code makes you spend more money. That's a weird situation over there. We'll get to the bottom of it. This Uber eats alignment with Paris Hilton. You don't have to be. And the Irwin family. It's all I'm trying to say.

Listen, you don't need to redeem this. The Irwins redeem it. The Irwins are so. It's such a redeeming family that you're willing to watch the Uber Eats commercial and enjoy it because Parasilton fucking redeeming. Irwin family fucking redeeming. I do believe them when they say like we really love her and like we're really, we really, they hit it off with her and everything, which makes sense because they all have a child like wonder

about them, right? And they all of animals. Yeah, you're right. They're all of animals. Yeah, they're all idiots, but they're all not cynical. None of them are cynical. No, we can be honest. Erwin's in Paraseldon.

They're all moron. Maybe they're not. No. Maybe Paraselt and a cynical. I'm just saying you don't have to just get food. What else am I getting, Holden? Do you mean, am I getting curtains? 7-11?

Office of, yeah, I mean, I have, sometimes we do need a late-night staple for an advice. Astronaut ice cream, that's also food, though. But a blanket with the letter from, with the note from Jersey Shore on it. No, you're just bringing up the amazing blankets that we received from Bud and the Covenom of our chat. And I just want to say thank you so much. No, I'm talking about Uber. Eats. And I'm talking, the only reason why I'm bringing this up, besides the fact that it's a great name is because I love the Irwins.

And apparently, Paris Hilton has become an honorary member of the Irwin family. Like, this happened a couple of months ago. So she's been, like, doing all this stuff with Uber Eats and with the Irwins. And Barris Hilton is just dressed in, like, a zookeeper hot pink outfit just being like, oh my God, these crocodiles. And I think I'm mad at Uber Eats because I'm very invested in this alliance. And I'm going to, like Princess Lazzania Baby is the dumbest thing to call a giraffe. It's great. It's good.

It's good. Yeah. It's good. And I don't think we'll ever know if it's, if she knows how good it is or if it's accidentally good, you know. But I think that we can give Pereselt the benefit of the doubt that she actually is really, really funny and self-aware. And that kind of makes it more satisfying.

It does. I really think that she is. And I really think that Strix is an amazing company that is taking gender out of skin care. They're the Uber Eats of Skin Care for. I don't know if we're going to say. Whatever at checkout. If you want upwards of, I think, even free things at times allegedly. I'm not even sure.

He is lying about it. He's silas. He does read the emails. But he lies. So HFSA is going to be going live on our TikTok on page 7 LPN, the TikTok. And what are you going to be doing with Stricks on Friday? I'm going to have to learn how to use TikTok. Yes, you are.

Very, very worried about that part. I'm like, I have to log into TikTok. I'm like texting Jackie, like, be there for me. I got you. I'm going to log into TikTok as the geriatric millennial that I am. And on Friday, 8 p.m. Eastern 5 p.m. LA time. I'm doing a live with Stricks, like it's going to be like a co-live with them. And we're going to be reading the negative comments that they get because you can imagine as a skincare company that markets to men, but in a gender inclusive way, they get a lot of comments from all sides of everything yelling at them.

And so we are going to read the comments like, you know, like the fun late night thing where you read the mean tweets. And so it's going to be fun. we're going to get happy and sad and laugh. And that's this Friday. And you guys are also having your own strict parties. We are on Monday. I'm going to be over on Twitch. Dot TV forward slash,

oh, no, it's Jackie. I'm going to be, as the queen Leo, I am. And I just want to say happy Leo season to everybody. Happy Leo season. It is Leo season, bitches. And on Monday, I am going to be providing a party. I'm going to be granting my, using, my good graces of Leo energy, to all of the people that have birthdays during the holidays,

is going to be a half birthday celebration where we get to celebrate you. Yes, I will be the one eating the cake. But maybe you can bring your own cake, and I'm going to be celebrating you, and Stricks is going to be giving away a bunch of products over on Monday. But I think I'm going to get a scepter and probably a crown of some sort. Jackie says, let them eat cake. Yes, I do. A week from today at the time of this recording,

so less than a week when you hear it, August 3rd Wednesday, I will be on this new app. It's called LickLock. It is for people who are specifically taste testers and locksmiths, respectively. Now I will be on Twitch. itv.4.

Holdenators ho. We'll be doing, it's a sweaty strict stream. I'm going to be playing fighting games. People can fight me for free Stricks products. I'll also be getting sweaty and then applying some of these strict products to show you how you can help get through the hot summer heat using product so that people don't go, ew, daddy. Why is that wet man in the restaurant and all the fucking things? I thought they were calling you, Danny. These kids.

No, no, no. They're calling their dad, whatever. They're talking about me. And I'm just like, I can't help the way I am. I might not be smart. No. Not like he says. Uh-oh.

Is it Bill Clinton or Forrest Gump? I'm not sure. I don't know what that hybrid is. And here's some saxophone playing for you. I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is. We all know what that quote is from. And you know what the funny thing is? I'm both not a smart man and I don't know what love is.

Wow. So I don't know what's going on these days. Back to you, Jackie. Bring that up with your wife. What first? And my two different therapists. that I use to talk about why I'm bad. Two therapists, that's how you know it's good.

Oh, yeah. That's how you go working on your bullshit. And I appreciate the fact that you're working on your bullshit, Holden. And also, can I get a little meow here and a meow, meow, meo, meo, there. Here, there, there everywhere. No. You're talking about the cat video.

What do cats, what sounds do cats make? Okay, so Jackie was like, everybody's talking about this cat video game, and you might be right, because I've been living in a bubble of... Parenthood. Parenthood, specifically, parenthood is its own terrible bubble, terrible and wonderful and joyous. But, you know, then when you're parenting sick children, so I've been the last two days, then there's a special kind of bubble where you're like, I don't know. Don't ask me about the January 6th hearings. I haven't seen anything, you know, that type of thing. But you said everyone's talking about this cat video game.

Cat video game. I want to throw back to you a question mark. Is everyone talking about the cat video game? The thing is that MJ, you know that I don't care about video games. Yeah. That's why I was surprised. I have heard about this cat video game. Okay.

Multiple places. Newsflash, MJ, people are weird and annoying about cats. I don't know if you've been on the internet in the last five or plus years. Don't bring up Manface in front of MJ right now. Manface is having a time. Manface is still a lot. somehow. I can't believe it. I'm surprised. What I'm learning about cats is that even when they are dying, they live a long time. I'm sorry, real quick. How old is Manface? Manface is 15. Wow. Which is, you know, not even as old as you can get for a cat, but he was diagnosed with diabetes two weeks into the pandemic when our heroic friends came and picked him up in their car to drive him to the vet because we weren't leaving our house. And, you know, it's like nothing is easy in the city. And so, So he's been, every day with him has been a gift.

And there was a stretch about six or eight weeks ago now maybe where we really thought we were not going to have manned face with us much longer. And now he just comes and sits right next to my kids and stares at their faces while they watch TV. That's adorable, though. But that's why I actually kind of wanted you to know about this game, MJ, because you play as a cat in a post-apocalyptic world of sorts. It sounds like the Untitled Goose game, but for cats, But with cat in much bigger world.

So until a goose game is more irreverent and, like, silly and goofy and much smaller indie thing. This is not a super long game, but graphically, it's like much more advanced. And, you know, the cool thing about it is they're using a real cat as the voice actor. That's why you brought it up. Yeah, I like that the voice actor is a cat. The cat named the voice actor. Thank you very much. Can we give Lala some big ups, some big mirrors?

Because Lala's killing it over there. More like Blah. blah, am I right? People, cats are down. Don't insult the cat. No, I'm a cat. You're like, you're like a five-year-old. You know, I'll defend you against anything holding, but not this.

No, not this, not this. And especially, but my question to you, especially MJ, as someone that has had a, has been a cat parent for such a long time, how do you get a cat to meow on command so that you could use them to be a voiceover actor? I can answer that. Shake it. No. I'm going to squeeze it a little bit. Like you can't shake it. The answer. Like a sock-a-bopper.

You treat it like a sock-a-sac-a-cum-bacher. I can't believe I'm talking to two people who don't feel passionate love about cats. I love a cat. I just love a cat. I mean, you do feel that about the cats, the movie. I like, and I like Garfield. Like, I like fat cats and I like cats and act like dogs for the most part. But for the most, but really, um, cats put me on edge.

I'm not, I don't hate cats. I'm nervous around cats and they can. feel it, and I think it makes them hate me. Yeah. So as someone that has been a cat parent before to a cat that truly had psychological issues, I'm a little traumatized. Right. And you can look at the scars on my stomach from the cat that used to attack.

Okay. Well, it's fair, and it's true that cats can tell whoever's in the house who hates cats the most, that's who cats are going to interact with the most. Yeah. Yes. And you think, I mean, the thing is, my answer to your question is that I don't think that you can make a cat, meow on command. You're either, it's like a seizure dog.

You can teach a dog to be a service dog, but you can't teach them to detect seizures, but some dogs just do. Oh my God, those videos. I love watching the videos, and I'm just like, oh my God, they knew. It's just amazing. Dogs are, you know, incredible.

And with a cat, you can't, you just, sometimes you just have a cat who will meow. Like, one of my cats will meow every time you touch it. Both of them, actually. But then, you know, so there's no, you can't make them do anything. That's why you got to respect a cat so much. It's just you are truly roommates, you know, you cannot. Yep.

And so Lala, it just has the gift of being a voiceover actor. You can't teach it. You can teach a dog how to be the dog from Frazier, but you can't teach a cat how to be a voiceover actor. Well, look, I also just want to say, I'm talking a lot of shit about cats right now, but I'm just throwing this out there since we're just keeping the plugs coming. I will be, since Jackie is going to be going on a ladies or jeet, they're going to compare their vaginas to flowers or something. I don't know what's going on.

It's only going to be, it's going to be Georgia O'Keefe paintings and mirrors underneath our skirts. Yeah, yeah. They're going to put their heads in ovens and stuff. It's going to be a whole thing. But Sylvia Platt, Reenactment. Sylvia Plath, Georgia O'Keefe-inspired weekend. Yes, please. There's two women that all women like.

Yeah, those are the two women that I know of, that women are in. No, we'll also be reading Agatha Cristina novels. Yeah, yeah. So it's going to be a silent weekend. But. You're crying. A lot of staring at art, sticking your head in ovens. Yep, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And reading, uh, because that's what Sylvia Platt did, right? She just stuck her head. That's all she did. That's all she's known for. Right? All she's known for. So while, while Jaggy's away, there will be no jack-in. So I'm having stray day.

Can I change my mind about cats? I'll be playing stray all afternoon. Really? Yeah, from noon until six. P.m. is my goal. Hopefully that happens. Who knows? What are you doing with your child? A little less than that.

She's going to watch. Nanny. Well, I'll have some, but don't worry, someone will be watching Winnie while this happens. No, just keep her, just let her hang out, you know? Yeah, yeah. I'll dress her up like a cat

and let her just, honestly. Honestly, it's what. Maybe I'll dress like one of the many dogs that I have costumes of in my toy box. You should dress like a dog, yes. Absolutely. But anyway, straight a guy. mashing on that meow button

because apparently there's a meow button every time you're a meow button and meows. The thing actually makes me more interested in the game is just all the footage of people's cats like obsessed with the game while they're playing it, which really actually makes me feel like, oh, it's pretty like authentically

the movement, especially the actual meowing. And apparently there's like no compression on the audio. It's like really raw the audio or they got, I guess, or so I don't know. So he gets called like, meow. Yeah, and all that. It's just very unmessed with and the audio.

So it's really, like, authentic to the way a cat sounds and everything. So anyways, I'll be doing that. So catch that. And whatever with cats. That's fun. Oh, I'm so glad you're having a little cat day in Jackie's absence. Yeah, let's see. Maybe this will turn my whole head around.

We were talking earlier about how Winnie might rebel against me. I think that would be one of the bigger ones. To like cats. her not wanting a dog and instead wanting a cat. That would be very challenging, I think, for this household. I like talking about all of the ways in which life for Holden could be ruined by... Can be fucked and shitty. By how Wendy is going to just aggravate him in the future.

And I think it's kind of fun to think about. Notice we never have these conversations about MJ's children. No. And no way. It's because I'm not... I am a hater. I'm just a different type of hater. Yeah, yeah.

But you're more accepting, I think. No, you definitely are. Unlike Vanessa Lechay. Unlike Vanessa Lechay is right. So if you listen to this week's Good Pud with Henry and I, we were both talking about some reality. We were talking about Nick and Vanessa Lechay specifically. And these, it's just no one told her what to say if ever asked about diverse bodies on Love is Blind. No one ever gave her a soundbite of what she should say.

If someone says, hey, why aren't there people, why isn't there a lot of diversity in the show Love is Blind? Here, here, like, as if she's never going to be asked this question, because she was asked this question, and she didn't have the best response to it. It's so funny, because I feel like anyone who's seen Love is blind, like, the third observation you make is like, wow, they all look the same. Like, they're all hot and skinny in a conventional way. Like, that's all, it's just a, it's, it's not even like a earth-shattering criticism of the show. Still love the show. It's just like, oh. Most reality shows don't.

Right. Yeah. Right. Like, love is blind, but interestingly, they don't really do any surprises in terms of people's bodies. Surprise, she's huge. Yeah, but then that's thing. As someone that lives in a plus-sized body that, like, lives in a plus-sized body that, watching that last season of Love is Blind

when the guy asked the person that he was talking to, like, could I hold you up on my shoulders? What would his scale say? If you were standing, I think he literally did that. What's not a shirt? Why I buy you? Yeah, it's truly abhorrent. But like, and I actually weirdly kind of see, because essentially what Vanessa Lechay had responded

when asked about this was that, you know, she thinks that certain, like, contestants don't make it past the pods portion of the show because they are insecure. It's their fault. They're too insecure to be hot. Their fatness, like, it comes through in the pod. And you can hear it in the guttural way in which they speak and how they're always asking for more waffles.

You know what she says. The part where they're like, ew, like not model-like. Ugh, I know, right? It just, like, speaks for itself in the pod. Because what she says about it says their whole life they've been so insecure about being themselves is because of this crazy swipe generation that we're in. Oh, yeah, it's the swiping.

Yeah. They're afraid to be themselves. Now, I will say as a plus-size woman, I would be very nervous to be on love is blind because what would the worst thing to be happen is that those doors open, they look at you, their face falls. In the same way we talk about this on-

Yeah, you'd be treated as like a reveal. Yes, of like, oh my God, look at that. FAA-Fa-Fat woman. Right. What? It would be annoying to be the plot. point too, though. Like, why would you want to make yourself

the plot point in that way? But I thought it was weird. Like, the thing I think it was really fucked up was how she referred to overweight people as wrongs, which I thought was strange. Oh, no, no, fatty wrongs. But capital F, capital R. She doesn't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's being a Leah Michelle here. But, so I do kind of, I guess, like, I guess, see what she was trying to say, but she said it so poorly and as someone that is a celebrity that is also a very attractive person,

you would think that someone would have had a conversation with her, being like, hey, let's be very sensitive about this very sensitive topic here. Because I know that I would never sign up for a show like this because I don't want to be crazy. Also, like, not that Vanessa Lechay is responsible at all for, like, Nick Lachey's ex-wives, but just in terms of, again, like, not being fucking idiots,

like, Jessica Simpson fairly famously had, like, an eating disorder. Like, I feel like the idea of being like, I, it's 2022, and I have not learned a single fucking thing about how to talk respectfully about fat people or people who aren't skinny. And in fact, when I'm asked about it, I'm going to blame them. I'm going to say they're insecure. It's their problem. And I'm going to blame like the swipe generation, which not for nothing.

I'm a thin person, so I don't know, I cannot speak from my, like, from, you know, I'm only speaking from my own perspective. but I think that it's a better time to not have a stereotypically conventionally thin body now that it never has been because you can see more images of beautiful fat people and beautiful people of all different sizes on the internet. I don't know if that's true, but that's, I don't think blaming Instagram is the right thing, you know. No, and also with the swipe generation too, it's like, no, that's why you show what you look like when it comes to dating and things like that and to liken yourself to a, you know, like in a catfishing situation, like, oh, you don't know what you're going to. going to get. So what essentially you're saying with this is like, oh, you don't want to be

catfish because they got a sexy voice, but then they're going to be a bigan on the other side. Right. Right. Right. I think for me, not to like stick up for them, but I mean, it's not really a stick up because it's really an insult. Like, what do you expect? These are two of the most vapid hosts of a reality show. And that's saying a lot. I mean, if you're like more on the vapid side, I mean, these, I mean, they really are cardboard people. And it's, you know, they really are cardboard people. comes to the host of this show. That talkback was so awkward. Oh my God.

Didn't Vanessa Lechay kind of stick it to that guy, the terrible massaginist fat foe? She did. And she did stick it to the guy a little bit. But obviously not for the right reasons. If she just thinks like, oh, yeah, he was an idiot, but like not because of his fat shaming, but because of other stuff. Like, I don't know. It's just weird.

It's like, like, how did you not get prepped for this? Do you think that at no point in your life someone's going to say, where were people of different sizes on that show. No one's, no one's gonna prep you for that, so you're just gonna say, oh, they're all too insecure to be successful. Get more confidence, you idiots. Oh, thanks, Vanessa Lachey.

I'm waiting for you to come around and explain it to me. Oh, man, now I wanna see, now I want to see, like, let's go to the other extreme where everybody has, it's like the, is this terrible to say

we can cut this out of Puditou? It's like a circus freak addition. Like, everybody's got. a deformity or something crazy going on. Everybody has some big surprise about how they look. If the premise of the show is love is blind, people should have really surprising things about the way they look. There should be really wild swings, right?

I'm into it. No one is disabled, right? No one is like, no one has any difference. There's no difference in any of their bodies. There's two people who are like, I used to be mad and it was the worst thing in my life. I want a opera to be a contestant. I want Wolfman, you know what I mean? fun.

Yeah. But like an actual person pretending to be like, mm-ho-ha-ha. It's like, is that an evil laugh you just did?

Do-da! Do-da! Are you playing an organ over here? Yeah, they should get, yeah, yeah, that's right. There's an organ in your pot. There's two organs in my pod.

Yeah. Uber eats, super good. Don't. You want. One casting call for like, is there something really surprising about the way

you look physically? Joy and Love is Blime. And then one casting call is like, take traditionally hot people, but then put like horror makeup on them. So they look like terrified. Well, now we're just doing that dumb masked show. Yeah, the animal show. Yeah, they did that one.

They did that one. What they're not talking about on Love is Blind is a new kind of physics in the way that Terrence Howard has been talking about. Oh, my God. I need to explain this real quick. This is tough. Yeah, please. I have been seeing this, like, like, Terence Howard.

has been in and out of celebrity and pop culture news, but like this information has not, like, I knew that he stopped acting, and I know that he's been working on some sort of, like, I know that he talked about, like, ayahuasca for a long time, like, he's been outspoken about that, and that he's, like, came out of retirement to do some TV project, but there was this article that I was so, like, this has to be wrong, right?

Like, something's going on with this, right? And I send it to Holden, and, and, And I was like, I'm too dumb to understand that the headline of this article is, Terence Howard says he reinvented physics, wants to give Uganda new forms of flight and defense. Now, I've seen this a couple of times that he's been putting, like putting on these presentations in Uganda talking about this new kind of physics. And I'm like, this has to be. Like, you know, like the phrase, maybe some discoveries in my own personal life with the science.

that, you know, Pythagrius was searching for. I'm like, what's going on with Terrence Howard? And weirdly enough, Holden had the perfect person to ask. Oh, yeah, yeah. So I, my buddy Keith, he got his PhD from Yale in theoretical physics. He works for the government. I can't even begin to know what he does for them because he's so, and he's so plugged in. Whatever's going on, though.

He's handling the fate of probably our world right now. And just did his day-to-day lives. Thank you, Keith. For figuring all that out. So are we. Is that not what we're doing here? He was working on like carbon molecules and had something to do with creating super shields. It's like Avengers like MCU.

You know what I mean? It's crazy shit going on. He's like making the next Iron Man right now. Like every day he goes to work. So the first big, but the other thing that he talked about as his theory about how one plus one equals one times one. And that's one of his big things. Carrott's like cornerstone of this

where I remember, it was just like looking at that. It was like, this has got to be that shit, right? So yeah, Keith. So I texted Keith. He was like, this is a lot to unpack, lull. A guy, he said, a guy named John Baez, who's a professor, UC Riverside, came up with what he calls the crackpot index. This ticks a lot of boxes.

And then he goes in on the one plus, he says, as far as I can tell, he simply asserts that because two plus two equals two times two. It should be the case that one plus one equals one times one. And then I said, but three plus three doesn't equal three times three. And then he said, yeah, it falls apart really quickly. And it also linked to this crazy document about this theory. Keith poured through it.

He said the document is 162 pages or so. I did repad some first few pages. And yes, by the way, I want everyone to know we are talking about Terrence Howard that was in empire. who also worth mentioning before you get too far to this got quite me-toed shortly before he disappeared for back. And he got fired, he had a great gig, right? Wasn't he the guy that got fired from Ironman as well? Speaking of Iron Man, didn't he get ousted from the MCU because he was like being a dick?

And then also he's like dropped out of college so he doesn't even have a degree in engineering or physics or anything like that. So Keith says the document is 162 pages or so. didn't read past the first few pages. There are a lot of images of memes in it, which is not something you normally encounter in a scientific publication. Just hit upon this, Jim. Let's start with one of the most obvious of inconsistencies, the notion that both sides of an equation should always be equal. Yeah, he just says, one plus one equals one times one over and over again, like that's going to make it more true. And again, he says, this is 160 pages long. Didn't you say

there was one page that was just a picture of drafts? He said, because he kept poor. pouring through it, he did start reading past the first few pages that he said, there's a picture of giraffes on page 41 with no explanation. This is uncharacteristic of a scientific document. Aside to his publication, rather. I love that it texted all of this to you. Oh, he went, oh, I gave him the best distraction from work ever. He totally dropped everything he was doing. He just started reading all this stuff. And then he wrote, yeah, I'm on page 53 and it's literally the same argument. Square root of two can't be 1.414 because 1.4 plus 1.4 isn't even close to do.

He's just asserting that addition is multiplication. It's pretty close. And also, here's some giraffes. I love it. And then you just have to slap a giraffe with it. Maybe it's Princess Lazzania, baby. Come to explain Terence Howard's math to us. It's incredible.

I just, I love it so much. I mean, you know, when someone's out there saying, like, they've reinvented physics, I mean, you have to understand the foundational ridiculousness of that, you know, like the... Also, you know, like, that... Also, you know, like, that... Also, like, I feel like you could add in, like, going to a country in Africa and being like, I'm doing this to save this African country is just like a baseline to like, I'm kind of winging theoretical physics.

And also it's going to be to, like, build a force field around Uganda. There's just a lot. It's got everything. That's why I just like, in looking at it, it was like, I know that I am not smart enough to understand why this is wrong, but I know that this can't be right. Yeah, here's another reason why it's great to have someone like Keith. So he said in this article, he references this thing, The Lynchpin. The Lynchpin was a reverenced to another Howard project.

And press release in 2021, Howard said he was partnering with an entrepreneur named Andrew Sopko to create a proprietary drone system dubbed the Lynchpin, which the parent claimed was protected by 86 patents. Keith did a patent search, and I can't find 86 patents by anyone named Sopco. So that's just bullshit. So that's, he went and did a patent search, and poured through this 160 page paper that literally just repeats the same thing over and again.

And the thing that it repeats is absurd, which is one plus one equals one times one. Love it. I just love that he went to those links because that's what a theoretical physicist does. Yes. Is that what he is? All I know is Keith is very nice and he's very smart. We also are in a think tank though,

but we come up with new concepts for the show Love is Blind. like we just did. You know what I mean? He does different things. He deals with numbers and stuff, you know? We're on the same, you know, head scape. I wonder what Keith would say about the $15 Velvita Martini that's starting to come out. Do you think that he would look as far into Velvita martinis as we did here on the show?

And it makes me sick just saying it. You know what? I'm not even that mad at it. But the part where they try to make it sound like it's a summer drink is the part where I want to throw up. Oh, this is a refreshing summer drink, this cheese juice. No, you mean the drink itself combines velvita infused vodka. Olive. Which they describe in the article as just being putting Velvita in vodka and letting it sit for 24 hours.

The velvita infused vodka, they make you do it yourself if you want to like order this for home. I've infused vodka before with like peppers and, shit. Oh, yeah. You wrap it in a little cheesecloth and put it in there. How do you get the velvita out of the vodka? Do you strain it? Yeah, you squeeze it into that cheese cloth and you just like a little drippings out so it gets a little chunky because it is called a Velvita Veltini.

And Velveeta Veltini sounds so truly disgusting. So it's, so Velvita infused vodka, olive brine, and vermouth in a martini glass that is garnished with a cheese drip and a cocktail pick of velvita stuffed olives and jumbo velvita shells and cheese. It's a shame because there's three to four things

on that list I would take. Separally. Well, no, in a drink. I like a savory drink. I would take a drink with olive brine in it, yes. Okay. You know, I would take even like the velvita stuffed olives, if that came on a regular martini,

I would be like, this is gross, but I would eat it. I would order something with it. But obviously, when you look at the image of this thing, it is horrifying. Yeah. It is just a cup of cheese in a martini glass. Absolutely disgusting. You don't want to chortle that down?

But would you, here's the really big question is, would you, if you had to drink the hot dog alcohol or the cheese alcohol, which do you choose? Hot dog alcohol, you put it in a bloody bull. Right. I mean, even as something, like, I remember for a while, Henry had salmon vodka. And when I lived with Henry, I would drink it when there was no other booze left in the house because I was really sad and I was really alone. And so I would drink the salmon vodka and he'd be like, how are you just drinking that straight? Because salmon vodka was made to be mixed in like a Bloody Mary or something like it's made to use to like use the flavor of the salmon. you don't drink salmon vodka straight the way I was doing when I was a fairly brutal alcoholic.

It's not what you're supposed to do. But so like a hot dog flavored, yes. Even, I don't even know if I want cheese mixed in with my boo. I don't, like even as I was saying that. Again, it's just not a summer drink. I mean, a summer drink is citrusy and, you know, is nice and refreshing and light. Yeah. It's just not, I'm not buying it, guys.

So that's where you lose me, okay? Yeah, even as a savory, like, you know, and I'll take the Bloody Mary that has the, I mean, I don't really eat that much meat. But, you know, I like a Bloody Mary bar where it has all the jerky and all of bacon. You know, that's all fine. I do.

I'm a sucker for the, like, there's a whole meal on top. Like where we went to in, was in Minneapolis. Oh, yeah. Milwaukee. Milwaukee, the place we stayed at, they had just, they just gave you a full meal on top of your drink. Oh, yeah. You could eat it.

while you drank your bloody merry and i was just like i actually fucking love this it was delicious and they'll put like probably a cube of colby jack on there you know like that's fine i'll take a solid cheese in a savory drink i don't want a liquid cheese in a savory drink i think that's the that's where i draw the line yeah oh even just the phrase liquid cheese yucks me out i never like grew up with belvita in my home you know so i just never got really used to it i'm into like i will throw some cubes in with my homemade mac and cheese just to give it that creaminess because you really like that fake creaminess like you can get it from a heavy cream don't get me wrong but it like it brings back that childhood for me but uh we've never were a like um you know just snacking on shards of velvita kind of household uh-huh and even i think that i could get into an olive stuffed with velvita like a little bit of yeah i would eat that yeah i'd be into that but i don't know about the velvita martini and i'm this is coming from a person that ate a double dong hot dog yesterday, just two dogs in a bun, and it was my everything.

You can check out my apparently very disgusting TikTok on page 7 LPN TikTok. Apparently, it yucked out a lot of people. I thought it was delicious looking. It was when you cut this one hot dog in half, and I thought, all right, I'm with you, and then the next shot had two hot dogs in the button. That was what really surprised. It was a jump, man. I did a jump scare.

It was a jump cut. Yeah, man, I'm meeting you out, bro. How are you feeling? How are you feeling meaded right now? Are you so meaded that I need to let you know live while we record this that Roberto Aguirre Secasa just put out a show on HBO Max's pretty little liars, colon, original sin. What? And yeah. Is this a Jackie and MJ specific crossover?

I think it was made literally four page seven. Holden, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to you, MJ. HBO Max, pretty little liars, colon, original sin by Roberto Aguirre Sicasa, the showrunner of Riverdale. Riverdale. And I think that it starts tomorrow? What are the pretty little liars there? It is a different, it's a whole different cast of people.

Is Mr. Fitz? Is he going to be there? No, no teachers being untoward towards their students. Is there going to be a fat suit, Jackie? I hope there's a fat suit. I hope that Pretty Little Liars learned no lessons from the original version of Pretty Little Liars. It's going to be a brand new show. And I watched the trailer for it.

And I was like, oh, no, we have to watch this show. It really, you know, thinking about the fat phobia and everything with Vanessa Lichet, thinking about Pretty Little Liars. And just every three episodes, there'd be a flat. of one of the main characters and she'd be wearing a fat suit, man. Bad times. Oh, man, us watch. I miss pretty liars. I'm kind of excited.

So far, 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, and you know there's no way that those are inflated, those six critic ratings that have already come in. There's no way that's 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. And you know how we feel, don't bring up the movie hook when it comes to the Rotten Tomatoes. But 100%. So what do you, guys, Holden, M.J. Are we going to watch it? I refuse.

What? I'll watch it. Didn't you have to watch Pretty Little Liars in my stead for a while, Holden? Yeah, I did. I'll totally check it out. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. A show where the teacher sleeps with the student and it's presented like it's hot instead of like it's bad.

Back in the dizzy, man. But don't worry, there's only going to be three episodes dropped this week, and then they're going to be rolling them out two episodes at a time. And Roberto Aguirre Sicaza, oh, I feel like he's trying to set it up so that there is never not a show that he is show running, because it is playing right as Riverdale is going to be ending. So I feel like, I'm like, I see what you're doing here, Roberto Aguirre Sikasa. I mean, the showrunner of Riverdale is obviously somebody who always should be making a show,

but it's like one of these situations where it's like you're, like Paris Hilton, are you accidentally right half the time? Or are you actually talented? You know, we just don't know. I don't know. But I do know that there's a lot that we don't know, but I bet that Holden might know and maybe find out about it. Whoa.

Yeah, that's right. Man, this is a fucking fun one. Are you guys ready for it? Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Does Timothy Shalimee piss in bottles and forget his lines? Yes. I can answer to that right?

The answer's yes. Yes. Most people with penises of piston bottles at some point, I think. This one, well, I wouldn't say, based on, I wouldn't say I practice what's in this. You don't pissing bonds? But have you ever had a time in your life where you were too lazy to get up from playing video games so you pissed in a bottle? No.

Really? I really haven't. No, I've always pissed in the toilet, which is always really close. What would be piss in boots? Piss in boots? Yeah, piss and boots. No, I'm not a piss and boot. I don't adhere to the old, that's an old fairy tale.

Yeah, piss and boots. You don't do any of that? Yeah. The swashbuckly, Kat, it would, uh, would, play video games and get too lazy to use the bathroom. Maybe I have a problem where I attract people who piss into bottles. I've known a lot of them. Yeah, what is going on?

You know, a lot of people, does Gideon piss in bottles at the time? No, no, but I, but I've found a lot of conversations with men who have had an era in their life where they pissed in bottles. I'll honestly say even a road trip piss in a bottle, I don't believe it's ever had. Maybe in a cup once, I've made, it totally grosses me out. I absolutely can hold it. also can hold it. I'm pretty, I'm a tank a little bit with that. I'm sure I'll be

needing a diaper later in life, but I can hold it. Yeah, but you never want to just put like the tip of your penis into the bottle and let it piss out and then like try to suck it back in like your, urethra's a straw. You've never done that. You know, I want to yes and you in this moment. I want to give you that improvisational flare. But, um, fuck no, Jackie. No, none of that. And also my big old honker can't fit in a mere bottle of it. Maybe that's the problem. You're talking

all these tiny dick Randalls out there and I'm sitting here with my big old you know hog dog I call it my When you lived in

Williamsburg with Ben Kissel Neither of you were pissing in bottles I'm I would absolutely guess that he and my other roommate

were pissing in bottles but I personally A this was not a shared activity This wasn't a thing We'd go like oh Let's get together tonight

Yeah let's do that together You know what I mean We share everything You know? No, no, none of that. I mean, we're talking also about very small New York apartments. The bathroom is right there. I mean, really right there. They're in there and they're taking their time.

You got roommates. You want to leave your room. You piss at a bottle. I'm not saying I've done gross things in my day, but pissing in a bottle. I just, I'm not also great at like making that clean and not making a mess. So you piss in the sink instead. Yes, piss in the sink instead, of course. Yeah, get some head, piss in the sink instead. Yeah.

It's my 20s. Look, I, you know, whatever. But this description, I do not hear too. Wow. Okay, so again, and this is another one that's another one that's, another one that's not an industry, per se. But this one comes in from Megan with the subject line,

Timmy Shemalama Ding Dong is an unprepared actor and peas in bottles. Yes. Question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, conspiracy, explanation point. Yes. She writes, yo, yo, yo, yo, obligatory, you all are great. I've got some friends who work in this.

the industry and worked on a certain period piece starring the one and only Timothy Shalame. Is it little women? Maybe. The scoop is my friend saw a very hungover Timmy in front of his mirror with his face and his hands saying something along the lines of, I don't know any of my lines. Another time. I've been there.

Yeah, who hasn't? Another time, the same friend went into his trailer to find many water bottles filled with P. Do you believe? I do. Why not? X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-Megg. Gossip Girl. So I'm going to say, of the amount of guys that I've made out with in my life, I'm going to say five to ten percent of them had confided that they pissed in bottles sometimes. That's not super high, but it's not super low. And again, it might be me, a B problem. Is this like, is that your second date question? Is that your first second, like, do you put in bottles? What's your plan?

how often do you piss in bottles? I already know the answer is yes, that you do it. So how often do you do it? The key is if you've got a good story about dating one person who pissed in bottles and then it comes up, then it'll kind of open the door for other people to be like,

you know, oh, me too. Can I also make a request right now? Can we not, by the way, when we post this episode on social media, post a picture of a bunch of piss-filled bottles? I would love any other promotional photo than a bunch of bottles filled with piss. Just any other story, Terrence Howard.

How about a Photoshop picture of Timothy Schellivan with a bottle up against his dick? Yeah, that's fun. I can maybe see that. But I definitely don't want it to be like, check out this week's page seven. It's just a photo of bottles filled with piss. We don't eat it.

That's not going to sell it. Anybody out there. Like, God knows, I can smell that episode. Jesus Christ. I think I'll bunch fucking anything else. I'm trying to make it. The behind the bastards or whatever it is. Do we talking about all the Velvita Veltini's

and the pissing bottles? Like, that's a room. Yeah, we're already grossing everyone out today with the, you know, with what we... It's a grosso show today. Sorry. Shout out to our promotional team. You know, for love is blind, how about

when you see the other person, they either are holding something disgusting that they drink, like a hot dog water or a velveteenie, or they're like doing their worst habit, like, you know, pissing in a bottle or... I kind of like the idea that, like, if they're really hot,

they have to be holding something gross and you have to consume it upon laying eyes on them. So you have to think about that every time you see them. Yeah. This is a meat drink. What meat drink will you have to drink? It's called slam it for love. I would have a glizzy jizzy, obviously.

Put that hot dog in my booze. Give me a glissing. Just the gross part of fear factor mixed with love is blind, right? Like just a beautiful person shows up. They're like, I'm your ideal match based on a team of 37 matchmakers. They all sat together in a think tank, talked about how one plus one equals one times one. Uber Eats is an amazing app. And then they put you out and they bring you out.

And you're like, yeah, but you have to suck this cup of Lard down or something. Whoa. I love a chunky drink. If you want to date me, you have to, yeah, you have to prove it, prove it or lose it or something like that. Or you can choose to just be like, I just want to date a person who's really hot but like doesn't look like a supermodel. You know, like maybe there's just one different thing about them, but that I won't have to like chug a bottle of beetles or something. Right. Oh, that'd be super.

Yeah, exactly. You could go with this Ugo that has a chocolate Sunday in their hand or you could. Eat a bucket of bees. Fuck on, girl. What is going on? HBO! Yes, Al-Bro. Discovery Plus, what's up, dude.

That is a great concept, all right? Love it. But regardless, do you think that Timitay Chalameh pisses in multiple bottles and also gets very drunk and doesn't know his lines on shoot days? Yeah. I think we get... I think the answer is, I'm trying to, like, look, at pictures of him in his outfits for a certain long.

Like maybe was it Dune and then like he couldn't get like his dick out all the way. And so only the tip could come out. I do like little women though because that's the most like weirdly contrasting film for that activity. But again, it's just like doesn't every trailer have a bathroom in it? I mean, the thing I don't understand about these bro dudes, maybe we could have some bro dudes right in and explain why they, prefer to piss and bottles, but like, dude, the bathroom's right there. I'm literally, I'm sitting right next to my bathroom. My bed, you know, most bedrooms have a bathroom, like, very close to it. Why? I've never been so hungover in bed. I've been, I have been alcohol poisoning level hungover before,

too. And I've never been so hungover. I couldn't make it to the bathroom to take a piss. I'm sorry. I just don't, it makes no sense to me. And the part where you're like gaming too hard to piss is insane to me. Like, again, makes no sense to me. But, people play games for so long they die. So who, I mean, God knows. I mean, I did watch Ed Larson drunkenly pee inside of our, when we all live together in a one bedroom apartment. He shared a bedroom with one of my best friends.

And he did piss in her cowboy boots in the corner. But he was in the middle of the night. Yeah, middle of the night. I'm so happy I don't have that weird side effect of being hammered that people have where they just piss. And it's always the roommate. stuff. It's never,

it's never their own stuff. Like, Eddie, you're pissing in my shoes. Eddie! Wake up! Yeah, it's always the roommate stuff.

It's never their own stuff. And I've heard that story a million times. That actually at least makes a little more sense because you're so just fucking hammered that you don't know You lived in one room.

Okay, I remember when we put out a call for meat puke stories and we got all the good meat pukes. We got a bunch of great ones, by the way. We read some of them, there were so many good meat pukes. I feel like people gotta have a fun

piss story. Like send your, either an explanation about why you piss in bottles or your fun, my roommate, pissed in my boot story. Subject line, pissing bottles, page seven podcast at gmail.com. Yeah! Page number seven.

Can't wait to go through all those. But regardless, I think that's our conspiracy. I think it's time for something for Jackie to bestow fucking upon us. Queen Leo says, to me. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

18 celebrity clones and perfumes that we would dot, dot, dot. No, we actually wouldn't. Oh my God. Maybe it's 100 piss bottles. I don't even know. This is the most like whatever list I've ever, wow, just sassy right out the gate. Oh, yeah, it's sassy. It is whatever.

But it's like, I was like looking, I was so entranced by the headline that I was like, all right, let me look at this. Everybody wants a scent, right? Everybody who gets famous, they all want a scent out there. I mean, now it's so customary. If you reach this your level flame, you have to have some kind of commerce line of some sort fashion, whatever, but the scent has been a tale as old as time. And they want you to think that it smells differently and something that is unique to them.

like Lady Gaga, who came out with fame. And I did not know to promote the fragrance, Gaga claimed it contained blood and semen. But it's actually made with notes of Belladonna, Jasmine, Orchid, Honey, Saffron, and Apricot Nectar. I want Lady Gaga. I love Oscar Gaga, but I want her to go back to being all fucking so weird, man. I loved how weird she was, the meat dress and all that good shit.

She got too popular. Like, it really is, it's hard to be that popular when you have. and be that weird because you have so many people that are telling you what you can and cannot do. And then there's pieces of shit like Donald Trump, who has the clone out called success, so you can smell like success because of course he does. I do kind of want to smell. I bet that smells so bad. Of course, it's got to smell. Like, it's got to smell like can away.

That's what my grandfather used to wear. There's also this perfume that I did not know existed. Gwen Stefani's Harajuku lovers, sunshine cuties, little angel. Jesus. Perfume is what it is called. And I'm going to go ahead and guess there's a reason why we haven't heard about this perfume in a long time. It's for the best that it lives in the past. But we brought it up here so you can never forget it.

Oh, what about the tap-out body spray by John Sina? It is in a bottle that is like a Windex bottle that you're supposed to spray on it. It looks like a auto part store product. This one's my favorite. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. That's great.

And get it at Walmart. Get it at Walmart. I'm sad that I missed out on Snooki's line of perfume because I feel like it would make me talk about piss it in bottles. I feel like if you are at the shore and you are smelling like, like Snooky, you're gonna piss in a couple of bottles. I know, I kind of wish it was like they were going for like sweaty, fried food, you know, skunky beer.

Yeah, that would have been great. I just love that Neil Gaiman has in a perfume oil titled Lemon Scented Sticky Bat because why does Neil Gaiman have a perfume scent? Yeah. This is, I was going to say this is the. most baffling one, but there's definitely more baffling ones to come. Oh yeah, like John Hodgman, his sperm whale cologne, mostly is a joke to advertise

his comedy special, Ragnarok. Hodgman sold survival kits, which contained a real sea mammal themed cologne. The kit also has a flask for your urine. Hold it. It all comes back around. That seems funny. That's a fun. That's just a funny gag goof. That is a funny. It's a funny goof. I am sad that Alan Cummings Cologne named Coming is not,

which that's great. See, things like that, I think I'm all aboard it. And I want it. It doesn't make me think of like soul to soul by Tim McGrath and Faith Hill

reminds me of the unbreakable cologne that I used to wear that was an ungendered clone between, oh God, is Chloe Kardashian and Lamarckon Lamar Odom's scent.

And it was unbreakable. And then they broke up and they stopped selling the non-gendered cologne. And it made me very sad because I, oh my God, I didn't look through all of this list. Benedict. Yeah. The Pope Benedict. The 16th is the ruby. 16th.

Yeah. Has his own scent. Amazing. Holy Dispally spells like lime tree verbena. I don't know what that is in grass. Like lemon verbena? the tea, I guess. So it's like lemon, lime, and grass.

Jackie, I don't know if you saw this coming, but of course I have to ask you and MJ, what is the name of your cologne and what is the scent or perfume, I guess, rather. Squirtstack. And it's going to be squirt stack. And like, oh, is it what her vagina smells like would be a lot like goop except it's going to smell

like waffles and maple syrup. Ooh, I like that. Squirt stack. Mine's going to be called Brindown. and it smells like pickles and olives. I think I'm going nugs. I've always wanted a, you know, I find the fragrance of marijuana to be quite pleasurable.

I think you take away any of the skunkiness of it and just that pure weed scent, you know what I mean? And you're coming out there. Either that or the shallomé, which would be a combination of piss bottle, bad hangover breath. and it's a stench so reaky, it'll make you forget your lines.

Wow! I mean, I would definitely rather that than our last perfume on this list, which is Flame by Burger King. You snuck two in today, huh? Did you sneak two trashy food items that leveraged their product into something completely unreasonable

for what they sell? Yes, you did. Flame by Burger King. is, I guess, real... I mean, for Burger King, though, they're people, they're like PR people are what marketing people are actually... They're very good at that.

They're, like, up there with Kentucky Fried Chicken, right? They're swinging for the fences doing really fun, silly stuff. And I was gonna say, Holden, you know, we have to talk about this shit because we are the show that is the home of the chicken fried gibbets. Yes, of course.

Chicken-scented gibbets, baby. Chicken sent to gibbets. And so we've got to talk about all fast food items that have been turned into, you know... Or, choose that smell. like stuff like Katie Perry's sandals and smell like fruit. Oh yeah, you got to get in the drinks that have things that shouldn't have them in them. We got this as a beat of ours, you know. Yes. Somebody has to cover it, right? Yeah, we have to know about these things. Like again,

Flamed by Burger King, which apparently smells like ax spray with liquid smoke in it. And that makes me kind of want to gag. And I'd say this as someone that ate a double dong. And it makes me kind go blind. That's right. I think I'm going. Blind. We can't see them. I'm sorry. I just had to get off of that as soon as humanly possible. Why are you yuck-goed

right now? You didn't want Jackie to keep talking about the burger perfume? The Velvita Martini and the Burger King Cologne. But the piss and bottles is fine. And the piss of the bottles. Yeah. We're just coming and popping out with the hits today. Good

Lord. All right. It's because it's Leo season. I feel extra spicy when it's... I know, right? I love it. You are in your element. And the element smells gross.

Oh, it does. Your element, and it smells like meat and cheese. Yeah, babies. And weird formats that they shouldn't be in. You know? Oh, yeah, sludge-esque. Yeah. All right.

This almost is like a conspiracy and a blind item in one. A movie is in toxic. about this actor who has an offspring who has a talk show right now. The offspring has a talk show right now. She has a talk show. The actor is a man. It will explore whether the death of his girlfriend was him killing her or her really jumping in front of a train on her own. Now, I don't expect you to know the name of the father, but the daughter you should know.

She has a show right now and potentially a drinking problem. She is a child actor, a child actor, used to be, a child actor. Drew Barrymore? Yes. And do you know her dad's name? No. Her dad's name is John Drew Barrymore. Oh.

I had to look at it and I was like, that must be a typo on the blind item site. No, no, no. His name is John Drew Barrymore. I did not know that. And his daughter's name is Drew Barrymore. It's like a big dynasty family. Yeah. Yeah.

And Dynasty is a good word for it. It's like a soap opera. Do you think he killed his girlfriend or did she really jump in front of a train on her own? I guess. Isn't that wild? Man, jumped into the train. So is it deemed a suicide or is it deemed a homicide? I think that it was the, I think that the speculation is that it might have been a matter.

But that I think it was, I'm going to guess that it's, you know, since he hasn't been incarcerated, that it was deemed a suicide. or an accident. At the very least. Not interesting. I'm trying to like fast read on John Barrymore to say anything about him. I'm sorry, Jackie. I don't know who John Barrymore is,

but I know who John Drew Barrymore is. John Drew Barrymore is. I mean, I guess I'm going to go ahead and say, well, he did it. Isn't that wild? They're all hotties, though. I will say all the Barrymore's. Hotty, hot, hot.

Oh, yeah. You can fuck them, but don't get near a train with anyone. No, thank you. All right, here we go. This next one is as gross as the other stuff we talked about. Wow. If you stay at the home of this former A-list actress,

you may have sex with her alone in her bed, but you will stay in the guest room for sleeping. This is a big clue as to why she is still single. Clue as to what. Who's in the movie Clue? Not the movie Clue, but a movie that has also. has the word clue in the name. Clueless Alicia Silverstone.

Am I right? Or Stacy Dash. No, Alicia Silverstone recently, but if we remember, recently she revealed the reason why is she still shares a bed with her 11-year-old son. Right. Who she feeds like a bird. And this is the whole weird thing going on with this. She said she is, quote, following nature.

Silverstone recently said this and more on a podcast. She said, if you were in any kind of wild setting, where there are wild animals. If you put your baby over there, your baby's going to get eaten. So it's not ideal for the baby to be over there. Well, we're not in, you're in your mansion house, Alicia. Oh, I'm sorry, Alicia.

Just like the wild. You crazy ass. And she's a famous vegan. I love, I think veganism ultimately is like the best way to go. But that's also not like what happens in nature either. So like, what are you calling? Are you a caveman or are you like trying to change? But if we remember, if we remember, she's also.

Mama bird, baby bird. This is the same kid that she said she would chew up his food and feed it to him like a baby bird. So there's this weird nature thing happening. Sorry, Winnie. Definitely not gonna be sharing a bed with you at 11 years old.

Definitely fucking weird. Unless we're on like a trip and it's a hotel room with the, you know, one bed as I could see it. But other than that, Jackie brings up the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory situation a lot. All four grandparents

in one bed. One bed? One bed. That's right. Yeah. It's so crazy. Oh, man. I didn't know.

Dude, Alicia Silverstone also does the elimination communication, which we talk about on Jack and all the time because I always bring up my trauma from being a nanny for a family that also believed in elimination communication,

which means no diapers. Yeah. Ew. And wait for them to tell you when they have to go to the bathroom. That's fucking. Oh, nuts. That's fucking crazy.

I'm sorry. I want to be accepting if that's crazy. And it's like the selective, it's like famous rich people. I only bring up veganism because it's just an example of like, famous rich people will be like, well, this is the only nature.

Like, this is nature. It's nature to sleep with your teenager in the same bed. And it's like, okay, oh, it's also nature to chew their food for them. It's nature to let them piss and shit everywhere. It's like, okay, let's actually try to like figure out what you're talking about.

and are you talking about like indigenous communities that are on islands still? Are you talking? There's just this idea that like we were all the same exact caveman once. And it's like, no, like there's all, human beings have had all sorts of different diets. Like, human beings have had all sorts of different like customs for how to, there's no like single element of nature that all humans can harken back to. Right. I, yeah. But rich people love that shit.

It's crazy. Elimination communication with Jeff and be like, Jeff, you have to stare at me until I have to go to the bathroom. Until I shit. And then watch me up and take me to the bathroom. Watch me shit. Jackie, I didn't know that you did elimination communication. I was a nanny for a family that did that for about three weeks or a month. And like, by the end of I was like, I can't.

I cannot do this anymore. And I was supposed to watch another kid at the same time. I'm like, how am I supposed to watch a toddler and an infant? and when I got to stare at the infant all the time to see if the infant has to go to the bathroom. It's too much for a nanny. No. Anyone.

It's incensed mom. Yeah, but that's the funny thing, right? They're like, we're going to do elimination communication. And then here you go. You do it. Yeah. Yeah, you do it. And that's the rich person thing, right?

They establish some insane habit or whatever, some new crazy thing that they read in a book, but because they can't. music passed off someone else. And then they say that it's fundamental human nature. Eat the rich. Yeah. Eat the rich. Yeah. Yeah, Irsmith. You know what's not human nature? Being and clueless, which is a great movie and I think it's great. But you're not a caveman, Alicia Silverstone. I agree. And this man might be caveman. I'm so happy we didn't talk about this yet today because I thought we might. Your final blind. This television star is going to stick things out, but has already told people he wants to get back

into television where everyone loves him and he can make way more money. Something that I thought we might talk about already. Who's a television star trying to break into a different thing and super getting lambasted for it. Maybe someone who's trying to do it in a place they're not actually living in for the most part, someone that... Oh, you're talking about Dr. Oz? Yeah.

Yeah, yes, we haven't talked about the great John Fetterman trolling campaign about Dr. Oz running for Pennsylvania Senate. but he's from New Jersey. And so John Federman, his opponent is just trolling him with, including ads from Snooki about how he's from New Jersey and Stevie Van Zand. How about how he's from New Jersey? The Steve one made me laugh out loud. The way he's just like, come on, man, what do you do it?

Come on, we go hang out, we'll have some fun. We'll surf, we'll do whatever. So the way he, I'm not doing it just as all. Look up Steve Zand Van Zand's message to Dr. Oz. It is fucking hilarious. It is so Stevie Vead Zandt and so New Jersey, and I love it so much. Yeah, it linked to this deadline article. Dr. Oz is the blind did.

Dr. Oz's attempt at politically weaponizing lost meme, drawl stinging rebuke from Damon Lindelof. He posted this picture of John Federman with like the Lost logo. It says John Federman, either he's hiding in his basement or he's just plain lost. And it's this like political thing. And people are just constantly writing in the comments. like, hey man, aren't you from Jersey? It's very satisfying.

And also, Stevie Van Zant is just like, when I, I was on like season four of the Sopranos before I realized that he was from the East Street band. And I was like, are you telling me that this guy is in the best television show and the best band? Can you imagine that life? He's incredible. He's honestly like one of my favorite people. The best career you could ever.

dream of to be a musician and an actor and the two best things ever made in each genre. While all that's going on doing like one of the best radio shows ever, Little Stevie's Garage, right? Underground Garage, yeah. Underground Garage. It's one of the best radio shows I've ever heard in my life. It is so good and he did, I don't think, I don't, I believe, I don't believe he does it anymore, but he did it for years and it's incredible. He just plays his favorite music and does these amazing, like, interstitials and, yeah, just

amazing. So funny. So anyways. Yeah, Dr. Oz. What was already as such a snake oil salesman, I hope he doesn't go back into TV because he was peddling a lot of dark shit. Yeah, talk about fat phobia, right?

He's like a monster in terms of talking about people's bodies in terms of talking about difference in terms of his show. And then he goes, yeah, he's a Trump disciple. And yeah, I think Federman is doing, you know, there's not a lot of, obviously it's not like substantive to be like, go back to Jersey, but like, whatever. You need to capture the people. And to be like, you are not from here is a great way to capture the people.

And I'm like getting Snooky and Stevie Van Sant. To be like, we are the two iconic people from Jersey. You know, it's just, I think it's very well done. I see exactly where you're saying, which means I can see you again. Welcome back. And thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's show. We got an early yucky. Oh, we talked about a lot of secretions.

but I was feeling it quidly, oh. She's here. And thank you for hanging out with us on page seven. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can come check out apparently my disgusting hot dog TikTok over on page 7 LPN on TikTok, but you can also watch MJ on our page 7 LPN TikTok with Stricks on Friday at 5 p.m. Pacific standard time, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

and come hang out with me on Monday, August 1st, on Twitch.combe, forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie, where I have a birthday party for all you people don't get birthday parties. It's just going to be meat and cake. Come hang out. All right. Check me out. Twitch.combe forward slash holdenators ho.

The strict stream, the sweaty strict stream, if you want some, you can easily beat me in a lot of these fighting games. August 3rd, Wednesday, kicking off at 6 p.m. PT, I think. And also Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams, Twitch.com. TV forward slash hold an or so. Jackin usually happens on Friday.

Of course, this Friday, though, will be straight-day. Come see if I can fall in love with cats for the very first time. We'll see what happens. Can't wait. We'll see what happens. And yeah, I think that's about it. MJ.

My name's MJ and I'm MJKL-K-L-Kast on Instagram. Love you guys so much. And it's time for the shout-out song. Shout, shout. Let it all out These are the emails that you wrote it about We're gonna read up to you Come on

I know the shout-out song is a great song But I can't help but think about It's time for the river day around up I'm gonna kiss them all Because I know that I shouldn't get my own song Stuck in my head But I do You know Kelly Clarkson likes to listen to

Kelly Clarkson music too. Yes, I'm comparing myself to Kelly Clarkson with the Riverdale Roundup song. Um, this is not what we're here to do, Jackie. We're here to talk about the shoutouts. And you can send in your shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com. It is page seven, seven the number at podcast at gmail.com. And it is Leo season. First up, love from New Zealand, from Megan. Of course, baby. Megan says, can I please have a a big birthday shout out to my stunning friend, neighbor, ride to work, and all-around amazing human Amanda? She's a hot as fuck librarian who makes life for all around her great.

She introduced me to page seven, yay, and Riverdale shakes fist. She will save me in an apocalypse with her canned goods and home-brewed booze. Jackie, if you could send some big sloppy kisses straight to her ear holes, It would make me so happy. Oh, coming right up, Megan. Thank you so much for writing in about your stunning friend, Amanda, and happy birthday, baby. We got more birthdays coming up, like to Courtney's husband, Jason.

Courtney says, for my birthday, I would love for you to shout out my husband, Jason. So wait, this is for your birthday, Courtney. Oh, that's not very Leo like of you, and I love it. I love the sharing of the love. Courtney says, Jason and I got married in January, and we found a home in April, and he's been juggling work and renovating our home so we can move in hopefully soon. I really wanted to know how appreciated and loved he is for exactly who he is. Loyal, strong, hardworking, kind, and my dream, Aries King!

I know he'd love to hear all this through Jackie, since she is a literal goddess you stop. Courtney, so are you, baby. Happy birthday to you, and so much love to you, Jason. Next up, we've got some love going out from Dave to Misty. Play Misty for me. That's why my

sister's name is Jessica. Dave says, the things we've experienced together. You might call them downright weird. We didn't meet in Austin after all. Hashtag keep Austin weird. We've had no-full appraisals at Antiques Roadshow.

Oops. The power grid broke at the last podcast show after a 1,500 mile journey to visit me in Philly. We drank French 75s and made bonbons on my countertops, and we survived the sermon from the world's foremost chauvinistic, body dysmorphic, gun-totin wedding preacher, was our respective weddings, thank goodness. Misty and I seem to wind up in weird places, but I know I'm all the better when we go weird together. The stories are richer, the cast of characters more nuanced, and the shades, shadier. I'm convinced that in a past life we were two rival undertakers in a Deadwood-esque pioneer boomtown. Recently, the words of a health professional crashed through her ears. Words that might justifiably put Misty in a less kind, more questioning frame of mind. And I can't be there through the weirdness, quietly telling her,

this too shall pasta Misty I see you my beloved fucking friend with Jackie's help perhaps you can hear me and this shout out from your ear pods Here's to Misty The only friend who'd follow me to heaven and back Because we'd probably get bored

And try our look at that other place Misty this two shall pasta Never let our distance apart quash the weirdness and instead let it continue to bless our ungodly friendship. See you in Philly soon, my dear. Love Dave. Ah, I love y'all's friendship and thank you so much for sharing it with me. And now we've got some more love coming out, not from Dave, but from Dave to Davy to Emily.

Davy says I wanted to reach out today to ask you to give a birthday shout out to my partner, Emily, who's celebrating her birthday on August 5th, New York's Rise Up! Emily is one of the warmest, most thoughtful, and most amazing people I know. Back in June, Emily earned her master's degree in elementary education. Right now, she's out of town teaching summer school,

and she's going to be a first grade teacher. Congratulations! I'm so proud to be her partner, and I really want to make this birthday extra fun and full of love. She absolutely loves you all, and this podcast so much, and it would bring her so much joy to your Jackie showering her with birthday wishes my fellow Leo baby, happy birthday, Emily, love Davy. Oh, but we got a bestie shout out from Debbie to Summer.

I love a bestie shout out. Debbie says, I have a special shoutout request for my best friend Summer and her soon-to-be husband, Travis. Summer and I found our friendship soulmates in each other as army brats, in Germany in the seventh grade. And for the last 20-ish years have become sisters no matter how near or far apart we live.

Currently, I'm in Florida, and she's in Colorado, and actually she and her fiance were shouted out by Marcus at the Red Rock Show for having their wien shirts on. And I'm heading there this weekend to watch her and one of the best men on earth get married. We are huge page 7

fans and funny moments from episodes come up weekly in our long-distance texting relationship. I know she would love to hear you shout her and Travis out. I'm so excited for them to explore this new chapter of life together and that they found their romantic, not best friend, soulmates in each other for you, Holden, but we all know what you wanted to say, Debbie. I love to see their love for each other, and I'm so proud of both of them for the life they've built. Thank you for taking the time to read this email, of course, and for all the laughs. And to you, Debbie, thank you so much, and for keeping me

Watching Riverdale long past when I wanted to stop. We're in this together, Debbie, and I love your friendship. And oh, God, I hope that the wedding goes so, so well. All of my love to all of you guys. And last but not least, the amazing Meredith, Meredith, you did not show your buttocks to us after the show in Nashville. I loved talking to you. And how dare you talk about my friend that way? I had a great time.

Meredith is shouting myself out for surviving this year. And all of my love, you know I love a self shout up, and all of my love goes out to you, Meredith. Meredith says I lost a partner to suicide at the end of last April. And then my dog, Lola, died unexpectedly about six weeks later. I moved out of my apartment and into the mountains, and I'm just making steps every day to make it. I take y'all in my ears on walks, snowboarding,

and all the things you just make me smile. We thank you. I wanted to show you my 2007. Now, I know that you guys can't see the picture, but I needed everyone to know because Meredith, this is awesome. They're 15 minutes of internet fame. And because they know that we are fans of Dolly as well, it is a picture of Dolly signing Meredith's lower back.

And Meredith got it tattooed onto her. Immediately afterwards, a real tramp stamp. Hail Dolly, our queen of Appalachian. But Meredith goes on to say, I mostly came here to say this. Thank you all for doing, as Dolly says, find out who you are and do it on purpose, and for continuing to inspire the rest of us to do so. Thank you so much for saying that, Meredith. It means so much to me. And thank you guys all for writing in to page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

I really appreciate it. I read all of them. And just you guys taking the time to write in means so much to me. So much love goes out to all. of you guys. Happy Leozies and babies and we will be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.