Page 7 - Ep. 460: Just Bottles of Piss

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout hot wing lip gloss and Holden's HOT TAKES, T. Swift and other's big ol' carbon footprints, GOOP's take on nepotism as well as some Chet Hanks talk, Addison Rae's biblical bikini, Netflix suing the Bridgerton musical, Holden compares loving cats to Dark Souls,  Fancy Feast's gourmet restaurant, the return of Bernard the Elf from the Santa Clause, the release of Renaissance (and the quick edit that followed), and this week Celeb Conspiracy Corner takes a backseat for the blackened nightmarescape devoid of hope that is PISSTALES! Then to soothe those shattered psyches, we have The List, Blindz, and the SHOUTZzz(s)! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Flowerhead - Pondering My Orb (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXb6QLCaLxjvucwNlQuS2gg) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, everyone, big news from the boys of the last podcast on the left. Check out the last comic book on the left. Our most sinister comic anthology. It now has a volume two. Please, pre-order now at Z2com. We have an even bigger stable of artists and talent and writers and everyone that we did for the first one, although the first one is fucking amazing. And it's still available on Z2com.

But we're asking to go pre-order number two, Z2 Comics.com. You're going to like the way you read. All right, everyone. Thank you so much. Hail yourselves. Hell Satan. Hagee. We're recording Riverdale Roundup earlier,

and weirdly enough, this song has been in my head. This goes out to you, Betty Cooper, and she'll tease you. She'll unease you. All the better just to please you. She's precocious, and she knows just what it takes the mess.

She's got Greta Garbo's standoff size. She's got Betty Cooper's eyes I love you, Betty Cooper. I'm in love with you, Lily Reinhart. I don't care who knows it. I care who knows it. Welcome to page seven.

I know it's not Riverdale Roundup, but we just hit the finale. We are going to have a little bit of Riverdale talk in this week's episode because MJ and I are bursting at the seams. Wow. I would say bursting. Are you bursting?

I would say we were pleasantly surprised Oh, I'm bursting. I think we've used the words slog to describe this general season of Riverdale. And I think that we did finish it. So the power of the slog has been completed. And it did lay, it nailed the dismount, the season finale of Riverdale, season six out of seven. And so it's like you have that satisfaction. I've never run a marathon, but I imagine it's what you feel when you get to like mile 18 or something.

Watching Riverdale, Holden has run a marathon before. So Holden, do you think that it is similar watching Riverdale as it is to your nipples bleeding because you forget to put on your runners? Right, the tape. I would say, first of all, half marathon. Let's not fool ourselves here. We did half of a marathon. But I did do the Brooklyn half several, a few years ago.

And I would say it's more similar to a little song and scene. running up that hill. Oh. And a show called Surringer... Running up a hill. Running up a room. It's just holding you.

Keep putting it back into my brain. This isn't my fault. I want everyone to know this is back in your brain. No, it's your fault. And the way I sing it's back in your brain. It's a packed with God, Jackie. Make a pact with God.

Look, I still haven't finished the season. I can't even... I just the final three and a half. No, no, no. Four hours that I need to to invest to get there is too much for me. It's this, it's the wall. It's, you know what I mean? It took me like five days. To finish the final, the season finale of Stranger Thing, I think, actually took me five. It has broken me. Yeah. It has absolutely broken me. So I would say it's more like

that. I think it's more like run it up that hill, the song and scene in stranger things. We are, I'm staying at a vacation house right now with my kids and some family and there's like a big hill in the front yard and a big hill in the backyard. And I keep asking Gideon to take videos of me and the kids running up that hill so that I can then like send it to Kate Bush and then I just keep not getting around to it. But it has been a song

in my head all week too. And I blame Jackie. I'm not going to blame Holden. No, why? He's the one that keeps bringing it back. And I will, I'm gonna I'm the villain in today's episode. I feel like I was reading these new stories yesterday and I would maybe it was the mood I was in or whatever. But I was literally just like, ugh, that I

I have a take on that that people aren't going to lie off. I have a take on that that are going to annoy people. Holden referred to himself as a hot tag holding. Hot take holding. I'm afraid. Your takes are already pretty hot, usually. Yeah, we just get into it because I, you know what I mean? What's your hottest take?

That have been thrown around at, you know, Oh, you're upset about the helicopter or the private jet and the. Well, you know, MJ, I just all those people, I always hear them talking about their concerns about people's carbon footprint. right like every time I get on Twitter all I see from all of these people is a constant just what are what is everyone's carbon footprint and what's my carbon footprint you know what I mean

and they surround they talk about the environment I'm surprised your first upset was not about the fancy feast restaurant or about the hot wing lip gloss those are not your number one hot take upsets the commercial for that hot wing lip gloss Solby they go so hard in that day it is a two and a half minute

long music video that is way more committed to the whole thing that I ever would have imagined. Honestly, shout out to that. Yes, dude. They went hard. That song is pretty good. It's great. The dancing is great.

The only weird thing is I don't think, I don't know how koshered has put all the actors Insta handle. So asking you to go hit on them. I think that's maybe a poor decision on Arby. Who is it? Applebee.

Sorry, Apple. How dare you, Barbies. One is fast food and the other is like fast casual, I think. Yeah, one's like my least favorite fast food place and the other one is my least favorite fast casual place. It's kind of hilarious. They're both on the same level, in my opinion. It really is a great hot sauce, hot sauce gloss up.

This song, I'm listening to the song right now. It's like the whole thing. It's so catchy. I would say it's a commercial, but it's not. It's a full-on music video that goes on and on and on, but not in a stranger things way, in a way that is a pure delight. No, I want to go to this apple bees.

I want to go to this sexy club apple bees where all the girls' lips tastes like chicken. Knowing I'm going to hate the food. I'm still going to go. Knowing that it's just microwaved crap, I'm still going to go and eat it because of how hot and steamy that commercial is. But no, of course, the big news story,

because it's such a slow-ass fucking news. week is that Taylor Swept, apparently, has the biggest carbon footprint because of her private jet use. She charters the jet. Anybody knows this. I lend it out to people. Yeah, that's true.

You have a private jet, you charter it out because it's just wasting money sitting in the warehouse. Other people use it. All right. So it's not her, it's her jet. It's everybody else. But meanwhile, though,

in the same time, though, the next day after this article came out, there is a video of her using an umbrella. to hide herself as she walks off of her private chest. Meanwhile, she's like, I barely even use it.

Look what you made me do. Look what you made me, my made me do. I'm not going to sit here and defend the fucking carbon footprint. It's bad. And now she needs to address it. I'm not going to defend it.

I'm going to say people are ridiculous and decide to care about things when it's convenient to, according to the person they want to hate on is up for grabs. You know what I mean? So let's, The memes are funny.

The video of the woman in the helicopter with the case and everyone's, you know, this is how she dries her hair. This is how she dries her hair. Quite funny. I think that is quite funny. But outside of that, the people who actually are deciding that they care about carbon footprints all of a sudden is ridiculous to me. And on top of that, you know, it's like, what about the other people on that list?

No. Are they always untouchable? Drake, who like 16-year-olds in a sexual woman? way, by the way. You've got Kylie Jenner and her and her and her and her and it's her and Travis Scott, right? They have a picture of the two of them standing

in between their private jets and it's like which one you want to take today, babe. We're not going to shit on any of those people. Just her? Oh, I wonder why. I wonder why just her. Taylor Swift is the number one. That's why this is what annoys me about. Now I have to sit around while a bunch of people

pretend to care about her response to this instead of just getting the new music I want. 1981 Taylor's version and speak now Taylor's version That's all I care about The new music I don't care I want to know it's in the vault I don't care about what now I have to waste all this time And she has to waste all this time going Oh I'm going to make all these efforts to reduce my car

And everyone goes like yeah you shud betch you fucking shut A hundred and seventy flights since January Obviously not her that's you charter the jets I have one Taylor said looks at her tour bus and goes I forgot that you existed You know, because she doesn't take the bus. Yeah, MJ! Oh, my, please.

All I'm saying is, A, it's obviously ridiculous. It's not her taking every flight. It's ridiculous that's ridiculous that people are saying that. And B, you know, you're idiots. I forgot my second point. Everyone else on your list holding. They're all bad already, you know, and she's not bad already. So that's why it's easier to be mad at her.

But what about Floyd Mayweather? Number two. Number two is Floyd Mayweather. Number three. JZ. I haven't heard a single person said Floyd Mayweather or Jay Z's names.

I've only heard Drake and Kylie it's so fascinating. It's because they're the tops. Anybody say Floyd Mayweather. They're the top. It's ridiculous. Oh, and this is the other thing

I was to say. This was my B. I had a second point. Your ass would have a private jet two if you could. Have you flown lately? Has anybody flown lately? You would have a private jet

in a millisecond if you could. It's true. Sit here and tell me what a fucking, You're upset with her about her carbon footprint. And guess what? Now she's going to have to waste everybody's time and go make a statement and do all this bullshit instead of just giving us the music that will entertain us.

Now we have to all enjoy this pageantry where we sit around and be like, yeah, I super care about my carbon. My carbon footprint is a 10 and a half. That's my carbon footprint. Yeah. No one cares. You don't care. It's just fun.

And it's a slow news week. whatever. It's everywhere. Whatever of the week. It's everywhere. It's so crazy how many articles there are about Taylor's Twitter. Twitter is a plain.

With very funny jokes tonight. The jokes are great. I love the jokes. But the part where anybody really cares, get whatever. I don't see you at all talking about environmental bullshit. And Anne trying to be like, she's like this spokesperson for climate awareness. It's like she said like, she's mentioned the climate. climate like in two quotes you dug up.

Which is good. If she hadn't, we would have been mad at her for not mentioning the climate. I just, you know what I mean? It's just absurd that we all have to send her out to pretend like we care. And you know what? And I'll be the evil guy of the episode. Environmental stuff boars the piss out. Oh, we're talking piss again. You better walk them on drawers.

Boar you all away to the imminent flood that comes to your home. News flash. We're all fucked. And it's literally like gigantic corporal. that are doing it. Not Taylor Swift. It's fucking Delta and it's fucking, it's in Bill's house and it's in Jim's house. God damn it is in Bill's House and Jim's house.

And, you know, Taylor's, it's a hard time. It's an interesting time to be a celebrity because all these celebrities are just trying to do what celebrities have always done. If you are a mega pop star like Taylor Swift, you have always had a private jet. And it's only now that people are like, oh, well, fuck, probably we shouldn't have so many private jets. And then everyone directs their eye at Taylor Swift. rack everyone's private jet usage.

You know, there's that whole Twitter account for Elon Musk, private jet tracking it this way and that. I mean, there's just, everything's more in your face on the internet in general, just period, right? But again, it's the people who pretend to be good people for one week when it comes to the environment. Those are the people I'm calling out. I don't, you know, anybody else, whatever, the people who actually pretend like they're these good people that care about carbon footprints and all this, you're so full of

and you know it and you know it. Well, and you're right that if we're talking about emissions, right, we know it's, I forget the statistic, but it's like, you know, whatever the fuck, 0.01% of the corporations. Well, speaking of emissions. We got some piss emails later. I'll just throw in that out there. We'll get into that.

It is the corporation's hold and you're right about that. Of course. You know, it's not Taylor Swift's individual private jet use. Although if we are to choose a thing that we should get rid of, it is private jets. Yeah, private jets. But fine, then make commercial flights not a, a fucking nightmare.

Dude, anybody, lately, especially, anybody had the choice they'd take a private jet. Do not bullshit me with that. You would take a fucking private jet in a second. Flying is fucking horrendous lately. More so than ever, it is a nightmare.

They don't tell you if it's delayed. They don't. They treat you like, they herd you like cattle. There's every little thing that made flying enjoyable is gone. And so you want to sit here and tell me, you, if you were incredibly rich, you wouldn't take that.

Offer whatever to you, my friend. Whatever of the week, my friend. And I, please, DM me about, I would not take a private jet. He's changing. Oh, no, please don't change. That's transforming. I'm scared of him. I'm, you know, but at least maybe she's going to learn from this.

And maybe she's going to. You lend out her plane a little bit less and not have to hide under an umbrella and pretend like it's not her when she gets off her private jet. She doesn't want to give them what they want. She doesn't want to give them the photo op they want and she doesn't have to. She shouldn't have used the private jet the day after this stuff came out. Oh my God. She has planned. This is again why I'm so pissed off.

I don't care. I just want the album. So she had to go to Burbank, which is 50 minutes away, which I can't believe. I kind of want to go to the airport and just stand in it and be like she was here, you know what I mean? Oh,

oh, but like I just want the music and not have to, we all have to waste our time collectively. I could still smell the fumes from her jet. Fumes from those piss emails. We'll get to those later. Man, so many.

You guys deliver. The part where we all of our time has to be wasted with her making some statement, and I hope she does. And I don't think it was very smart to just be like, well, to have her lawyer come out and be like,

she charters it. It's obviously, but, but it's true. I mean, obviously she didn't take all those flights. And I don't know, man. I just, I just think it's, um, it's just so, such a waste of time. And I just want the music. And, you know, and P.S. We're fucked. And I, you know, I could get involved, quote unquote, but it's, I recycle. I don't litter. Like, I do the basic shit, right? But at the end of the day, I'm not going to, like, make environmental shit my life because A, Boros, Snorro. B, we're fucked. So there's no, you know what I mean? I'm not going to bore myself to death being

fucked because I'm already going to be fucked to myself. Holden, McNeely, we got here. Because now she has to waste a bunch of time putting a statement together. She needs to be in the studio, putting those fucking tracks together. We need new stuff.

It's not new stuff, Holden. It's the same stuff. Recorded over again. There's vault stuff and then, but it doesn't. It's not even new. I picked up Red Taylor's version. I'm final. You're not supposed to hold in.

You're giving money. I got Taylor's version. Okay. I thought you were giving money to Scooter Braun. No, not evil Scooter Braun. He's evil. You're thinking about giving money to Scooter Braun. Look at his jet usage.

It's not as high. Even Floyd Reweather has taken more flights, but still his carbon footprint is smaller because of the length of the flights. Yeah, but I want to see both those guys, Epstein footprints. That's what I want to see. Fuck the carbon. Who, give me the

name's, give me the ages that are on those private jets, okay? Because that's, that's what I'm concerned about, you know what I mean?

Well, Taylor Swift is 32. She's 32 years old. Trying to distract us from talking about climate change bringing up child traffic. Yeah, good,

I mean, I don't know. I'm just, look, I'm just being this thing it's called honest, all right? But I'm not going to go on

and be like, I care about carbon footprint. Like, when do you hear any of us talking about carbon, at footprints or any of those people on Twitter. But keep the memes coming.

They're very funny. They're very good. Well, then how did you feel about Goop's take on nepotism in Hollywood? This was another one where I was kind of like, I was like, I don't all the way have the take of like, yes, she's, she worded this wrong, but the headline is misleading. I will just say that. She definitely acknowledges that it's easier at first. She's trying to say, though, that you just get undermined because of.

of where you came from. So you have to push a little hard, like work a little harder. Once you get in the door, that's the easy part, getting in the door. But I do think the headline is misleading because she absolutely acknowledges

that getting in the door is easy, but once you're in there, you do have to prove yourself sometimes a little bit more than other people, right? Yes, I don't know if that's necessarily true in a lot of cases. I think you're actually given a lot of,

a lot more. It kind of depends on what you're doing. Like, stand-up comedy, that is true. You get, it'll get you in the door, but then you've fucking got to prove yourself. And there's nothing standing in between that and you, but proving yourself. There's no amount of being Judd Appetal's kid or whatever it is. The other funny thing, I was like, everyone was shocked when they eventually, finally, at some point later, found out that Mod Apatow is Judd Apatow's kid. I was like, I think I saw the name and immediately knew it was Judd Apatow's.

And also Maude Apatow has been acting with in Judd Apatow movies for years. It's not, this is not a revelation. This all came from a conversation between Gwyneth Paltrow and Haley Bieber. They did this interview with each other. I guess Haley Bieber has this YouTube show called Who's in My Bathroom? And inside of her huge, beautiful bathroom, they have an interview show, which I just get thrown back to how small. My Bathroom's wording. If you're going to pick one room in your house,

to remind people how rich you are, it is a bathroom big enough to interview someone else. Yes. So funny, dude. I would love to go there just taking a big dirty shit doing an interview.

It is a very, it's all white, so I guess they could just bleach it out if you shit all over this bathroom. I can't imagine have a bathroom that clean. That's all, I know that you want to hang out in there?

Wow. No, we all learned about aerosolated fecal matter after the pandemic. Why you hang out your bathroom? It gets all over your toothbrush. You can. Apparently our listeners don't keep a very clean bathroom.

We've got some piss emails we're going to be talking about here later in the show. You're really ramping up into it. He's making sure in case you were worried you weren't going to hear the word piss enough in this episode as well as last week's episode.

Yeah. Yes, we are going to read. Okay. This was my other take about what Gwynn Paltcher said. I think a lot of times people are quick to point to the advantages you just naturally get

from being someone's kid because they can just be like call up the agent or whoever and get them in the door, right? But it's like kind of a nature versus nurture thing to me, but in a different way. It's like, yes, you just basically get certain things. But also being around parents who are very successful actors or writers or whoever it is, isn't that also just going to give you a master class in the thing if you want to pursue it? Of course.

Great example, Joe Hill. Joe Hill, Stephen King's son, he changed his name to be Joe Hill so we could kind of make it on his own, very admirable, and he was able to do it. But at the same time, if you learn about his story, his dad, he got to write all day long and bring it to his father. And his father, one of the masters of horror writing, gave him immediate feedback on his work. He had 24-7 access to, it still does, have 24-7 access to his dad as a master class in how to do this. Well, this is why I'm going up against what you're saying is because, like, yes, it does help get your foot in the door, but it also helps.

There's so many ways in which having connections helps. Right. That besides just having money, it is the leg up that you continually get because of who you are. Like, you're right. They have to work hard, but that you cannot say that it is as hard to be a child of a celebrity as it is for everyone else to get into the business.

I'm not saying that it's not difficult, that their lives aren't difficult, that they're in the public eye, That brings difficulties for many other reasons. Right. But if you're trying to be famous, it is a positive to have it. I mean, even look at Chet Hanks. So many people are against Chet Hanks and his cultural appropriation and how he is.

And yet still, people buy what he sells. People watch his music videos because he is Tom Hanks' son. I feel like what Gwyneth Peltro is missing, and it's just not that hard of a line to walk to me if you're talking about nepotism is like, yes, I had an, just to acknowledge, I had incredible access, help, you know, whatever. I got in when I wouldn't have otherwise, but it doesn't mean you're not talented. Like, there's plenty of celebrities kids who are incredibly talented. It's just that there's also lots of normal people who are incredibly talented and we wouldn't, and we've never found them, you know. And they have a harder road for sure. have to, yeah, for sure.

Like, there's a million celebrity kids who are extremely talented. And nepotism doesn't mean, like, at least my understanding of the way that we use it. It doesn't, it doesn't inherently mean, like, a bullshit hire, you know. No, it's just the, the actual definition is the practice among those with power or influence of favoring relatives or friends, especially by giving them jobs. And I'm not to, right, right. It's like, you don't defend it. You can acknowledge that as a structure, it keeps the, it keeps the money where it is. And it keeps the kind of like, it just kind of concentrates the wealth and the power and all those things.

And that's the main problem with nepotism. But it doesn't mean that just because you're Maude Apatow, you like don't deserve to ever have an acting. Right. Or just, or that like it's a combination of the, yeah, connections. But also the fact that Mod Apatow was on professional movie sets working with like the best comedic actors on the planet when she was fucking six. Right. had also a huge, was a huge part of it and being a route, like, you know what I mean? Or if you're Stephen King's son and you're writing your first, you know, fiction novel and you

literally have access to him giving you feedback at all times. You know what I mean? It's like, I think a lot of times people want to say it's just the connection. Right. And don't realize that it's also the education, the just natural education. Like if you, your parents are famous actors, they can tell you exactly who to go to for headshots. They can tell you exactly where you need to study. They can give you the books you need. They can watch your work and give you immediate feedback. I mean, the whole thing. And I just, I think it's funny. But, but I also think Gwina Paltrow, uh, I think she is a good actor. And I also think she's a terrible in interviews. And she is horrible at framing, like, knowing what people want from her. She misspoke and the headline is

misleading. And so it's like a, it's like a combo one two punch combination of like classic goop gaffers over here. Yeah. We love Dave. Gwen Paltrow also is the same person that claimed that she made yoga a thing. So you also got to remember who we are talking about. She thinks it all comes down to her. Yet, her body and Gwitaine had nothing to do with her success. No, no, no, no.

No, I think she's an idiot, but it got me thinking about people's perception of nepotism. I just wanted to bring that one point up. You know what I mean? I just do think that people just go, yeah, they just open the door for them. It's like, you got to, if you suck at acting, there's no way to like hide that on the screen you know and i'll at least say for chet's sake he like figured out the best way to be an idiot like foil to tom hanks yeah right he is the other son is tom hanks junior right yeah the other son's tom hanks junior so what else do you do you go be

the opposite of tom hanks that channel like you watch the channel five chet hanks interview no Man, are you familiar with Channel 5, like Andrew Callaghan, Calagan? I don't remember, I'll say his last name. No. There's this interview with Jen Hanks that I definitely watched all of that. I'm just like, man, I'm just so. I don't think he's brilliant.

No. But like he accidentally. No, he's not. He accidentally came up with like, I think he did kind of fall into it accidentally just by being a shithead. But like, it is kind of... Essentially, it's what he says. He's like, when your dad is America's sweetheart, what do you want to be?

You want to, like, you just push against it. Like, I... Yeah, he was put into, like, you know, I'm not saying that, like, I agree with how he acts or what he does in his life choices. And don't worry, we know about all the weird domestic abuse stuff. No, by any means. But, like, he's like, I was put into, you know, military school. I was sent away.

I was because I was a bad apple. And we all know that that's not. For celebrity children for the most, especially like really, like people like, you know, like the West kids and like kids who, who can't ever have a normal childhood.

And for Chad Hanks, it's not quite like that. But yeah, like, how can you have a sense of identity? It would be very hard to develop a sense of identity when your dad is Tom fucking Hanks. It would be,

and he's like, his thing's like, I'm a poor little rich boy. I have always, and then, you know, there was that interview where he was like, people think my parents could be money. They don't give me money, man. I'm not just like, they're not just like an open bank. So it's like, okay. I don't feel bad for him.

Yeah, I don't feel bad for him, like, for that reason at all. I do feel bad for the kind of like existential dilemma of being Tom Hanks's son and being kind of a fuck up. Like, you'd kind of just always feel like shit about yourself, you know? And I think that that's what's manifesting in Chet Hanks is just like incredibly low self-esteem. and everyone calling him a rich fuckhead for his entire life and him being like, I don't even have access to that money yet, bruh. Yeah, it's a whole thing.

All right, what's the next talk to? And I definitely don't feel bad for Addison Ray now being ripped apart for her blasphemous Christianity-themed bikini. That is a textually incorrect. It is a bikini. Addison Ray. The 21-year-old TikTok sensation, she posted a picture of her in a very small white bikini

and on the top, over one breast it says father, on over one breast it says son, and over her pussy it says, and the Holy Spirit. And I just think that's very funny. It's very funny. It's like the 2022 version of the Beatles saying that they're more popular than Jesus. Yes. But like, it's just strange because literally anybody who. who has any working memory of how you do the father,

son of the Holy Spirit thing. It's not where they, like, she has father and son on her tities. But if you cross yourself, the father is like up by your neck and the son is like down by your diaphragm. And then the Holy Spirit is one of your boobs. And then the others. The Holy and the Spirit. And by the way, we know that this has since been revised,

where it says Holy Spirit, it should say, House of Gucci. Yes, the name and the Father of the Son in the House of Gucci. And on the back, it should say, does an elephant in the jungle lady? I just hope that, you know, any time I ever cross myself, which you know I do all the time, I'm always going to think about House of Gucci. So thank you, House of Gucci for adding a layer I really needed in my life. And thank you, Addison Ray, for making it horny. It seems like Addison Ray, I would say it's a weird move, but she's in the exact stage in her career

where she needs to go Miley Cyrus, right? Yeah. Where she needs to like go from Hanna Montana to Bad Girl. That era where she was dancing with Robin Thick at the VMAs. You remember that Miley Cyrus? That Miley Cyrus. Yeah. And that's where Addison's at, you know.

And it's kind of clear from this picture. We were talking about how it looks like, I'm about to suck your dick face. It's kind of that, that face that is enticing, I feel like, to the general sort of horny public, you know. And so it's the whole thing. So her and her team, they fucking know what they're doing. They know about this blowback.

This is exactly what they want. And what's her fucking carbon footprint, huh? Whoa. I wonder what her fucking carbon fucking fuck face footprint is. I don't know if she has carbon footprint money just yet. Give her another. I mean, sure she's got the money for it, but maybe is not, hasn't racked up the carbon footprint that Taylor Swift has racked.

right, right. Well, we'll see. We'll check it. All those people on Twitter, they'll find out, right? Well, I'm not going to get mad at her if her carbon footprint is even higher than Taylor Swift because my anger is just about Taylor Swift and not about her carbon footprint. I'm just kidding. I'm just saying what Holden believes. Wow. Holden thinks that people who are upset about Taylor Swift's helicopter really have it in for Taylor Swift, not for the helicopter. I keep calling it a helicopter instead of a private. More hot tape holding up coming up. Let's talk about how I think of course Netflix would sue the Bridgerton musical people. What if someone put up a page seven musical and versions of me and Jackie and M.J. were all on stage singing songs based on the show. We would love that.

Yeah, we'd love it. No, if they were making assloads of money hand over foot from it, I would be like, hey, let's talk about this. This is our shit you putting on the stage here. you got to give us some money or get some approval. But it is not a person that is suing the co-creators of the unofficial Bridgetton musical. It is Netflix itself. So I do feel that it would be one thing if page seven was a very, was a corporate entity going after said person who wrote a page seven musical. But I feel like this, it's like just let the, the real reason is reading about what Netflix is so really pissed off about is that they are selling tickets for people to come and watch.

the shows of the unofficial Bridgetton musical. So I do kind of get it. But the Bridgetton author has come out to say, Abigail Barlow and Emily Bear are wildly talented and I was flattered and delighted when they began composing Bridgeton songs and sharing with other fans of TikTok. There is a difference, however, between composing on TikTok and recording and performing for commercial gain.

I would hope that Barlow and Bear, who share my position as independent creative professionals, understand the need to protect other professionals and intellectual property, including the characters and stories I created on the Bridgeton novels over 20 years ago. Case close. Carbon footprint. Throw it out. T-Swift, fly wherever you want.

This is an interesting question for 2022, I think, because the whole, like, the whole premise of TikTok is using other people's audio, right? Using other music. Like, like, there's such a cool blurring of, like, what is, what is intellectual property on TikTok? Because it's like, it's like, it's like this post-intellectual property era where it's like, well, what if we're just, what if we're all making videos to the same exact sound? What if we're, and, and so it makes total sense on TikTok.

to be like this branded, you know, thing is something that I'm going to riff on. That's like what happens in that space. It's also really hard to make money on TikTok. And so, you know, I always thought it was like wild of Netflix to allow like an album to get to the point where it's winning a Grammy and like have no. And I thought I was like, wow, that's like a really cool ass move to a certain degree. But, you know, if the authors out there being like, hey, what the fuck.

Yeah. Like, and I think at this point, they seem like they're successful enough that they should be making enough money to be able to make some deal with Netflix or some. I don't know. Right. Right. It seems like there should be a solution that does involve recognizing that this like is an intellectual property that like belongs to the Bridgeton creators, but that also everybody

wants this and loves it too. And it's like a fan fiction. It's like, it's like where does fan fiction? Like, it's like if you have the. initial thing and then somebody creates like a fan fiction of it and it goes viral in this space that's kind of built on fan fiction. Then where... Fifty shades of gray.

Yeah. Right. Right. But that was not using the actual intellectual property from the original. Like there is no mention of Twilight in it, even though it is a fan fiction based off of Twilight, which is how they get around it. Yeah. And Bridgerton does the opposite Bridgetton musical.

They use actual lines of dialogue. Right. They're pulling from the script. And I think it's amazing. what they've done, but yeah, dude, you can't just, like, put a musical on Broadway with thousands of dollars. Is it Broadway or is it off-broad? But either way, with thousands and thousands of dollars buying, this thing is going to make so much fucking money if it actually sees the light of day, like, yeah, dude, you got to, you know, it's a rights thing. I mean, if you, if this was okay,

then so many other things would be okay that would be, like, really hurtful. Right. I think that's right. You know? Yeah. But, I mean, it's, You know, we talked about this on which the Brewster with Twitch and the history of, essentially, like, Microsoft allowed these guys to use the game Halo to create scenes. It's called Red v. Blue, right? I believe, right? Red v. Blue. And this eventually became rooster teeth.

But, like, they were allowed to create these scenes using the game Halo and Microsoft not shutting it down. Essentially was what led to Twitch being a thing. So, I mean, this legislature is kind of like where people can just play video games all day long that was created by other people and not have to pay any rights for it or anything like that. But on YouTube, you know what I mean? You go over to YouTube and you can't post a fraction of a song without it being copyrighted and pulled down, right? So it all kind of depends on the intellectual properties, how they go after these sorts of things. but in this case they totally, I think, have a right

to pursue you know, legal action on this. It's like you can't, it's just too much money is involved. Especially the fact that they've already won a Grammy off of it, it really has gotten really big,

which good for them, but it does seem like they thought that if they just talked with Netflix about it, that everything would be cool. Like they thought that they had authorization to just keep going.

And also, aren't we told it's better to apologize and to ask permission. Totally. I mean, I say good for them. They're just like, I'm just going to keep pushing. Yeah. And see when Netflix pushes back because, like, you may as well see how far you can

get it. I just, and now they're being talked about even more. Right. Like, after getting the Grammy. So I do also wonder, is this part of the machine? Like, do they just have really good representation that it's like, well, if we just keep going, eventually, even if they sue us, we're going to get more attention. and then you guys can work on a new project and be like,

they had to make this new project, so we're pushing them in this direction, and then they're just going to continue to grow and grow and grow. So it could also just be a beautiful marketing move. Yep, and what's your carbon footprint, Netflix? Whoa. I'd like to know. I'd be curious to know it.

And it's tough, you know, obviously Netflix has made a lot of like pretty abominable business, like decisions as a corporation lately. So it's like, we're loath to be in the position. of defending Netflix. But I think it's more, I think this, the reason why this is such an interesting question

is more like, in an age where intellectual property has never been more blurry, like where does the line actually get drawn? It's actually like super fascinating. And maybe the line gets drawn at turning fancy feast, the cat food into a restaurant.

And I just, I don't know, I immediately thought of Holden. I really thought of Holden because Holden played his stray day, even though he hates cats. Do you love cats now hold it, number one? You know, I've learned a lot. I think at the end of the day, you know, it comes down to conditional love.

You know what I mean? And dogs, they will love you unconditionally. But cats, you have to earn it. And, you know, I always talked about my love for video games, challenging ones like Dark Souls, where they aren't going to handhold you. You have to earn the victory and it feels so much better that way. And it all clicked. You have to earn that love from a cat.

You just get it for free from a dog. But you have to earn that love for a cat. And when you get that love, it's so much better. But Papa don't want to work. Papa wants to sit back and just receive that sweet, sweet, good, good dog love. That said, major respect for you cat lovers out there. And I'm sure Wendy's going to be one. And then I'll have to get one and I'll deal with it then.

I want to know how we became a show that just, it's like, I had to, what I was doing my strict stream the other day, they were like, tell us about page seven. And I was like, you know, we do like pop culture, news and celebrity gossip. it, but also, like, the biggest vibe is that we're just kind of like a millennial sleepover. But I need to add that also we have to talk about the most disgusting food items. Got you. Food that gets turned into shoes. It's a part of pop culture.

Things that aren't food. Things that aren't food that get turned into food, like cat food? Funky food stuff, which I think we haven't even talked about all the food stuff. No, there's another story today. No, we haven't. What we're talking about. The chicken lip gloss. Yeah, the saucy gloss, which you can turn your lips.

You can eat, you could wear get-me-hot buffalo flavor. You can wear sweet chili kiss. You can wear B-My Honey Pepper. You can wear Honey Beebechutie. Okay, it's fundamentally- And that's right. And then the other food one is this cat food. Fancy Feeceeat. Yes, Fancy Feast turning its restaurant thing.

I have been feeding my sweet, sweet man face, fancy feasts lately because even though he's extremely diabetic. We thought that he was so close to death and he wasn't eating. The vet was like, you know what? You just want him to eat. Like, eat as much as he can and the diabetic food doesn't taste very good. So, like, go get some fancy feast and see if that will help him eat. And we credit Fancy Feast with prolonging this boy's life. Thank you. Fancy Feast. So thank you Fancy Feast, but I've never looked at a can of Fancy Feast and thought I wish this chicken liver in gravy was a real meal that I could eat. But apparently some people hang. Over there, it got to Bato Bianco, that's the restaurant, serving this stuff up.

They got a Michelin star winning chef creating these. I'm sure it's going to be good because of that. Because the titles of Fancy Feast Food are like roasted salmon, you know. So it's not that. It doesn't have to be cat food, but it's just one of these things. You're misunderstanding the premise. Same with the saucy glass. When you eat chicken wings, you don't want the burning buffalo feeling on your lips, in my experience.

I love a chicken wing, and I don't like my lips burning with buffalo. sauce afterwards, but apparently they think that's what the people want. When you open up a can of cat food to give your dying cat a salmon feast, you don't think, oh, I want a salmon feast that looks just like this. These marketers don't understand what the people want. I just love the line of about the saucy gloss. I think people are going to think it's either genius or super weird. Why is genius the word that comes to mind?

Yeah, genius, I don't know if that's the word. Like, have you ever looked at a drumstick and wish you could just rub it on your face and have that be your beauty routine? I mean, the way they were selling it in the advertisement, I kind of liked, like, the idea of, you know, kissing Lexi with that on her lips, actually, it was enticing for me. Really? Do you want to kiss Lexi after she's just mowed down a bunch of chicken wings and she still has it all over her face, though? You know, maybe a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, maybe I don't know what the people want.

Maybe the people do want it. Yeah, yeah. Well, like a nice honey. There's like a honey mustardy flavor. I think that would be yummy. The honey barbecue tea. Yeah, that one. I ate everything.

But anyways, there you go. Is there a chicken smell to it? Do you think or it's just the sauce? Well, if it has that, then it's so good. But I am also someone who fully, I will admit, we had fried chicken ice cream. We had fried chicken. I think there was actual chicken in it. It was from salt and straw, which did the press milk ice cream and all the weird ice cream stuff.

They also just make, like, amazing ice cream. Like their caramel swirl ice cream or whatever it is is, like, my favorite shit I've ever had. But yeah, I definitely hate this fried chicken ice cream. I mean, they also got, they've got the one with the bugs in it, too. I've eaten the one with the bugs in it. And it's delicious. I ate the bull blood one as well, which was delicious. Yeah.

Delicious and very irony. And I'm surprised at no one is bursting to talk about David Krumholtz returning as Bernard the elf in the Santa Claus series. Oh, what? You guys don't care about David Kronholz? Grumholtz returning as Bernard the elf in the Santa Claus Disney Plus series? It's just, it is one of it. David Krumholtz is so hot.

And he's going to be, he's coming back. Wait, the original Bernard the elf? Yeah, man. Was he the kid who played Bernard? You think he's hot? Yeah, yeah. I was very into Bernard the Elf and the Santa Claus. Really?

Oh, yeah, very much into David Krumholtz. And now he's finally being allowed back. What? I don't know why he wasn't in the first place. He's very easy, part of the foundation of the Santa Claus series. You think that David Krumholtz, as Bernard the Elf is hot. We're talking about the same person? Talking about my childhood.

Yes, I am talking about the burning sensation in my loins, and it is not because I need to go to a doctor. It's because I didn't understand what to do with my horniness while watching the Santa Claus. And it was all wrapped up in a lot. And Bernard the Elf is where it laid a pons. And are you going to judge me for that, MJ? I'm not judging your childhood crushes. I had a childhood crush on Jack from Hook.

So I'm not, nobody's going to stand by that. But I'm just, as an adult, I am not wanting that guy to now be recast as Jack in the remake of Hook so I can thirst after him. Because I don't think he's still hot because I had a different, view of the world as an eight-year-old than I do now. I just re-watch Can't Hardly Wait over the weekend, and he is in Can't Hardly Wait. Remember, I don't know if you've seen Can't Hardly Wait in a while, but he plays the nerd that then becomes kind of popular by the end, and he's great in it. So I do understand you're a love for Charlie Corsemo.

Okay, all right. Well, so maybe we're pro bringing back the child star us as grown-ups and thirsting after them now. It was appropriate then. We were children. It's appropriate now. They're adults. I think it's fine. All right. Thank you. Thank you. I withdraw my complaint. There you go. Also, I feel like the beehive will claw our eyeballs out if we don't mention the fact that wife of the person with the third highest carbon footprint, celebrity out there. Beyonce released Renaissance. Big deal. Big deal. It's very good. Great album. The first part. Yeah, it's this dance hall kind of vibe. I love it. But yeah, and real quick, just had to switch out that work.

How weird is it the boat? What you're saying is that Beyonce changed out the lyric because Beyonce had used an ablest term in one of the songs. And it's the same ableist turn that Lizzo had used in a song a couple of months ago. And Lizzo immediately came out and apologized, said, I will learn from this, I will grow, changed the lyric of the song. Beyonce did the same thing two months later. and it is interesting because a lot of the articles are like,

how did her team not know that this is an ablest term that she should not have used? The same word. I mean, it's just crazy that it's the same word, which is a word I haven't thought about or heard in like so long, which is part of why I will at least just say, last hot take hold and I just, I had no idea.

And, you know, that story did kind of come and go. It is surprising, like she has a lot of, of people, surprising that no one, but to get like up in arms pissed at her, even though she's switching the word out after being informed about it, just because she didn't already know this thing is just like the most Twitter fucking thing ever to me, right? It's like, I get it, but she's making the change. It's the case. No one on the team knew. If someone on the team knew that it was a thing, I'm sure she would not have included it. It's not like an evil person.

Because it's like, yeah, it's Lizzo. It's not like it's not like it's. this happened at like a high school talent show, you know, like you'd think the word would spread. But yeah, of course, if you fix it, there's no reason to still be mad if you apologize and fix it, you know. People are just like, you need to have known this. And it's like, no, that's not a useful. They don't need to know it.

They know it now. People miss things all the time. Yeah, I used to be that way. I used to be like, if you did this, you know, if you said this thing on Twitter and you didn't know about this thing that had happened before. And now I'm like, no, people have a million things going on. I mean, you know, it's somebody on Beyonce's team. should have been like, oh, this happened.

Right. It's the exact same thing. It's kind of wild that no one caught it, but at the same time, they clearly just did it. And that they fixed it as good. And I will just say like, when it comes to like, let's say when it comes to like trans stuff lately, that's a huge part of the conversation. It is kind of your job to educate yourself on that stuff, right? This was something that I had no fucking idea about this work.

Abilism is still, I think, something a lot of people are catching up on and making mistakes. And yeah. Because isn't it like a more in a European? able a slur anyways, like a little bit, or it's considered that more overseas or something because that's kind of what I read about it. And it was like, yeah, yeah, that word has never been associated with like ableism in my head

until someone told me, oh, it's actually like derived from a medical term. Right. I had no fucking idea, right? It is surprising that with all the people to work for it, but at the same time, I just think it's weirder that they both included that word. I know it is weird. Right? Yes. Why? Is it such a word? I haven't said that word. Yeah. I haven't said that word. I don't think in 25 years. Yeah. Or like it's not a part of my vernacular. So yeah. It's interesting too because I remember like when, you know, drunk and love came out. A lot of people were like, can you take out this like eat the cake anime part? Because that's like kind of

upsetting for domestic abuse survivors. And like, you know, it was just a, I don't know if it was a different time or if Beyonce was just like no. But like that was just kind of a like, hey, this specific lyric like has a specific. type of like hurt for a specific group of people and that that stayed and that this was acknowledged, it's like, I guess it's just a different, I think we are now in a timeline where it's like more expected that you're like, you know, do something about things that cause specific harm like that. And I think overall that's very good thing, you know. Yes. It's like it's kind of easier too to like make that change.

Yeah, right. And keep and and solidify it. Jay Z come in and redo the whole thing and take out the domestic violence reference. Only 136 flights. though holding. Only a hundred and thirty-six, not a hundred-seventy. So, all right, let's get to these piss emails.

Yeah, so many piss emails you've been haunting us. Oh yeah, piss tales. Woo-woo. Yep, that's the theme song for this thing I'll never do again. So there you go. You heard it the ones.

We're not doing a celebrity conspiracy today. Instead of doing a celebrity conspiracy, I do have a very good celebrity conspiracy that's actually pretty real. We'll do it next week. But we have a lot of piss emails to wade through. We are up to our waist

in piss emails. Put on your crocs winter boots with the holes on them. You're going to get piss on your socks. So here we go. Oh, baby. We're going to move through these and try not to linger too long

on the stench of it because I think you'll start getting, maybe don't, maybe finish lunch and then return to the podcast, is all I'm saying. All right. Anonymous wrote in about a time on a party bus to the Jersey Shore where they tried to use cocktail glasses and bar napkins with a boyfriend shield

to block the action on the bus. Ended up making a huge mess, cleaning it up and throwing the evidence away in a trash can on the boardwalk. Hell yeah. Congratulations. Like it peeing into like a martini glass? Yeah, I was I think like just they were like

thought they could piss in a bunch of cocktail glasses or whatever. You know, those little short like and then realize like, oh, it's just going to splash right out because, you know, if you have to piss that bad too, it's going to be a force. Oh, yeah. It comes out.

They nervous drank a bunch of beers before they got on the bus. They didn't know a lot of the people on the party bus. Rachel says, by the way, party buses need to have a bathroom option, I feel like. It's very difficult. You really, man, you really got to piss a lot when you're on the party bus. Did your party bus have a bathroom the most recent? My party bus did. Yours did.

Yeah, did have the bathroom. But I don't think Ed's did for his bachelor party. Rachel writes in and says, I'm an unapologetic. Only your group of friends has multiple party bus experiences. Like, mine did, but Eddie's did. Talk about a carbon footbrough. We got these party buses out here all over the place. Jackie used her party bus a thousand times last year.

A thousand times. And I was pissing out the windows even though I had a bathroom. I mean, Holden, you did take an entire party bus home from the bar after any spatula party. That's a pretty carbon footprint. That's a lot of emissions. By yourself. My favorite picture of Holden ever.

Alone on the party bus, the name of my first solo album. All right. Rachel says, I'm an unapologetic MJ reply guy on Twitter. I'm a newish mom, big fan of Bluey, and I've never felt more connected to them than when they said, wait, doesn't everyone with the penis pee in bottles, or do I just attract them?

I'm married to one of those people. Yay! Yeah! I've countless stories of finding my water bottles or coffee mugs. Always mine mysteriously in the sink in the early morning, despite having put them away clean the night before. But one of them is truly special. She then goes on to talk about how while she was Preggers,

they made an agreement that they would, I wouldn't keep white wine in the house because that was like her drink and it would just feel wrong. And she came down downstairs one day. He was playing call of duty. And there was a glass of white wine next to him. And she was like, how dare you bring white wine in this house? And it was like, babe, it's piss. Which is disgusting. Were you more upset about the fact that it was piss? Or were you, would you be more upset? She was like, and then I calmed down and I went back to my room like that was the solution. Like, that was the solution. Jay wrote in about how when they were 11 years old, they and a friend ran away from home into the woods and pooped in jars, which are still there to this day, apparently. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Katie wrote in about an ex-husband. They got blackout drunk cut up in the middle of the night and pissed all over her while she was sleeping. Lots of these stories coming in of blackout drunk, pissing in hampers and closets and these sorts of things. Just disgusting, degenerate activity. Oh, this is great. Nick in Chicago speculates that the most common. common form of bottle pissers are those with major social anxiety that do it to avoid a shitty roommate or horrible parents. And then Timothy Shalame was just incredibly focused on his acting work in that trailer to go out and use a bathroom somewhere. So who knows? It's a good theory. Emma wrote in about her co-worker's stepdaughter who at the age of 17 had turtles that she got rid of and then proceeded to completely fill the empty tank with her piss over seven.

several weeks. What? It was too heavy to lift. It was too, yes, it was too heavy to lift out. So they had to like pump the piss out of the tank. Yeah.

Just horrible. Wait, how long did they go for? Like weeks and weeks. Wow. She was pissing in this turtle tank. 17 years old, by the way. Wow.

Not even like, oh, in my head they were like seven. Yeah, and everybody's head, right? But now, almost considered an adult. Wow, 17 years old. Ryan writes in to give us some tips on proper bottle pissing as someone whose job is wildlife removal, which has them in a van all day.

This is a completely different lane. Totally get this way. That makes truck drivers also. Yes. Ryan says, let me tell you, a wide mouth gatorade bottle is honestly a pleasure to pee in. You don't jam your whole weener in it. That'll build up too much pressure and you'll end up backdrafting hot piss all over yourself. More, the advantage of the wide.

mouth is just for security and support. While I'd much rather just relieve myself in a bathroom or a bush that's not always an option while you're chasing down raccoons in the middle of a nice suburban neighborhood. Of course. Our hearts go out to you. Ryan, you're doing the Lord's work. Yes. Thank you for doing it.

Another Emma writes in about two different men she married who were bottle pissing fiends. Whoa, two different men she married different times. One had a kidney stone, kept a bottle in the car and case he had an accident. But another was a drummer that didn't want to leave the drum set during recording sessions, but also wouldn't clean them up at the end of the day. So just bottles of piss. Jess wrote in with the line, a subject line, my husband treated our hotel room like a toilet.

And that was about a hammered husband. It's my favorite subject line. Getting confused to where the toilet was late at night. Something I get, I've never done. I've never pissed a bottle and I've never gotten confused. as to... This is the biggest toilet I've ever seen. Just pissing everywhere.

And here's the last one. I'm going to read this email because it's a great story. And by the way, if I didn't get to your specifically, just know I read it. I read all about how your husband or whoever, a lot of husbands getting too drunk and pissing on something inappropriate.

Thank you. And I really appreciated all of them. They did not make me want to throw up at nine in the morning. Hey, page seven gang. Love you all. So obviously I was excited to hear everyone's puk stories, but when you asked for piss stories, I knew this was my time to shine. Yes. I have in ureasis and have my whole life.

Basically, it means if I have to go, it's already too late. So I have pissed basically everywhere. I have so many stories. I don't know if I should tell you the time I peed in the middle of a publics during a presentation of my senior year of high school or all over my college campus on my first date with my now husband. Oh. Instead, I have to tell you my absolutely favorite piss story when I, I was nine years old on the motherfucking Disney Cruise. When I was that young, the doctors were concerned that I was pissing myself in my

sleep, sleeping through it, and getting UTIs and kidney infections. So the solution was to hook up a giant box with wires to my underwear. So when I'd piss and the wires would get wet, the giant box would sound this crazy alarm. What? First I had the Disney cruise with my new anti-piss box. I stayed in the same cabin as my aunt and uncle and my cousins. My parents had apparently never told my aunt and uncle I had this giant alarm hooked up to my underwear. This was clearly a grave mistake

as the first activity on the cruise was to review the safety procedures should the ship sink, which would begin with an alarm sounding throughout the ship. So first night, I pissed myself like the piss bucket I am and the alarm goes off.

Like the piss bucket! I'm a heavy sleeper and I had gotten used to the sound at that point so I didn't move an inch. My uncle heard it though and thought the ship was fucking sinking. So while my aunt goes, got life jackets for us kids,

my uncle went up and down the halls making sure everyone was up and getting their life jackets until he noticed the alarm wasn't in the halls. When he finally realized the sound was coming from me and woke me up, everyone in our vicinity on the ship was awake and panicking. Ultimately, nothing bad happened with, and everyone was really nice about it,

but I still like to think my piss sinks ships. Love you all. Wow, you're bad. Watch Big Brother. Thank you for that. Oh, thank you. Wow. So funny.

How did your parents not tell the other adults? The alarm is coming from inside of your parents. I love it. This child has an alarm attached to them for something that happens to them every night. So just be prepared. And all those terrible. Yeah. Thank you, Alex, by the way.

Oh, my God. And also that sounds like, like, you know, at times it's probably a difficult thing. And so I really stand in admiration of the humor with which you have presented. Yes. And thank you for sharing it even though I imagine, yes, this is probably something that has plagued your entire existence. Just like our inbox has been played with piss stories. It is unreal how many came in. Thank you again for that, I guess.

Over to you, Jackie. Oh, my God, absolutely loved it. I'm in a great moon. How much do you think Taylor Swift pisses in her jets that she takes everywhere? She obviously takes it to the grocery store. Well, I think she does like a water world thing where she turns it into water because she's so good about the environment. Oh, she's a conservation. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, that makes a lot of sense. But also what makes sense is that it's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Me, got to have that list. You know, I had a different list, but this list intrigued me so much that I needed to read it. I just want to say thank you so much, Victoria. Victoria sent in a list because they sent me an email yelling about Riverdale and yelling about how ridiculous Riverdale is.

And I wanted to go over this during Riverdale Roundup. But we didn't have time, so we're using it on the big top show. Because Victoria's husband, or Victoria's fiancé, has a master's in sequential art, which is comics. So they asked them a little bit about Riverdale and some of the history in Riverdale. So this led them, led Victoria, to finding this list called Riverdale, the 15 craziest archie stories ever. And some of them were so fun, I needed to bring them up on the show. thank you so much, Victoria, for sending this in because it goes all over the place. Did you know that Archie comes up against Predator?

Yes, Predator. Yes, we are referring to the same technologically advanced alien creature that hunted Arnold Schwarzenegger in the jungle and has murdered his entire team by ripping out their spines as a fun game. So it's totally rational that the Predator would show up in Costa Rica when Archie and the gang are there on spring break. right? I love this. Apparently, Archie versus Predator by Alex DeCampi and Fernando Ruiz might be the craziest Archie story of all time. Because here, for those of you that are not aware, we just got to the finale of Riverdale. And I'm going to say, spoiler alert. Holden, you might love this. They're going back in time. And they are undoing the time jump. They're going back to the 1950s. and they are going to start it all over again with them as teenagers in the 1950s.

That is what the last season of Riverdale is going to be, which is why this brought up so much talk of like, what else could change? What else could happen to Archie and the gang? Apparently there's an episode or at least a comic book chapter of his world where Archie meets Obama or where Betty tries to murder Archie. See, and this is how. helpful for us because the if you know we started with Riverdale season one because it was like a great

sexy show about like sexy teens murdering each other but then it like devolved from like it was like season one like the high school football star has been murdered and then season two it was like oh there's like a serial killer in town and then season three was like there's like a cult and a and a bunch of a bunch of nuns and then season four it's like there's an organ harvesting cult and then season five It's like we're in an alternate dimension. And then season six, it's the war between angels and devils. And so it's like hard to deal with as a viewer. I'm going to go with their kids are going to go back in time and kill Hitler.

You know, for season seven. You're not far off, Holden. You are not far off. They did go back in time and tried to prevent the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. So that has, that was just a couple episodes ago. Been there, done that. Wow. Wow.

If you think it could have happened in Riverdale, it has happened in Riverdale. It has happened in Riverdale. Did they succeed or no, I guess not? No. No, they decided it was too much of a, it was a fixed point in time. Fix point in time. They can't change it. There's only so much they can change.

She didn't try that hard. She was like, oh, I'm going to get out of bus to Memphis and save Dr. King. And then they were like, no, don't do that. And she was like, okay. Yeah, the bus broke down. She's like, okay, I guess I'll go back. And that was about the extent of what she had done. Now apparently there's a whole part of Archie world

where there is the Blossom twin zest. Apparently Cheryl Blossom was deemed too risque and removed from the comics originally. Apparently Cheryl Blossom was so attractive and was just like immediately came in and tried to like take off her bathing suit top and Betty had to stop her. So this character was just kicked out of the world.

And she was brought back in with her, brother Jason, just like in the show of Riverdale. But apparently in this particular storyline of afterlife with Archie, Jason gets jealous of Cheryl paying too much attention to Archie. She whispers into Jason's ear, think of me as a cat, and Archie as an orange ball of yarn, a plaything, a passing fancy, at best a friend, whereas you, my brother dear, are family, and that means forever as she pulls him in closer and the two twins interlock hands. And that is creepy.

But that's exactly what it's like in the show. Oh, yeah. So, like, this is the most important thing about this list is that we are learning that the fucking absolutely astonishing choices made by the show are in line with astonishing choices made by the comics writers. And that is really helpful. Yeah, so it's the source material's fault.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. makes me feel less fucking, you know, nuts. And where they're getting the ideas from. Like, apparently there's a whole thing where Betty goes steady with Jesus, that there's a series of Christian comics starring the Riverdale kids, that Betty has a direct line to God. And if you watch the last season of Riverdale,

she also happens to be the harlot of Babylon. Wow. Yeah. And I was like, what is all of this Jesus text doing? in Riverdale and apparently it belongs there. There's a whole Christian version of Riverdale that that's why they're getting so biblical this last season or maybe that's why they're getting so biblical. I have no idea.

Weird that it's a comic known for both its like sexy incest storyline and just slipping in some Jesus. Yeah, man. Slip it right on into bed. She's begging for it. And last but not least, Archie. which we also did see in River Vale. It's had happened at least once. Oh yes.

And at least definitely has gotten close to happening many times. Malled by a bear. This part of Riverdale, Archie did die. But I guess that was in an alternate universe, just like what's happening in the show. And I think that that's another reason why I wanted to read out this list. Thank you again so much, Victoria, for sending it in. I just think that technically this could have been a lot crazier than just creating a ghost train towards a hellmouth where there's going to be a fight between angels and demons between good and evil in a CW television show.

Yeah, I do. I honestly feel relieved. And I always forget it's a show based on the comics because I just think of it as a CW show. But like, it's comforting to be like the comics made baffling choices so that the show could make baffling choices. I feel like peace. Yes. Thank you. And I think maybe it's just because we just watched the finale.

I feel a level of peace. Thank you, Victoria. And thank you everyone for writing in not only your piss stories, but your Riverdale thoughts as well because I needed them because it was a great last. Oh, Riversale. It was a great last episode, Riverdale. Just when we thought we were done emotionally, they brought us back in. But that's good because you know you have to watch this last season. So at least they're giving you something to live for on it as opposed to just the begrudged nature of this past season is what seems like you guys.

We've been very angry for a lot of the season. It's aged both of you, like obviously. Like you both have long white beards now and you've got, you know, big bushy eyebrows. Like it's really rough. Like it's, it's, you guys are. old men now. Yeah, it's tough. We've seen things we can't unsee. And I feel older. Oh, speaking of things you can't see, I think I'm going. Blind! I know. Ah, we can't see them. I'm glad we're running a bit over because I have two that I love and I can't find a third that

matches them. So you've got two really hot ones today. Okay. All right, first of all, they get paid to promote. If they want to work for the conglomerate and keep getting big paychecks more exposure than the former couple needed to look really happy to be on the red carpet together. They did so. Now, if the third wheel had been there, that would have been fun. She was not. Um, uh, love triangle of recent that's created maybe some music based on some people. Is this because you've been listening to the Sabrina Carpenter album? Maybe, but also did you? I can't believe this wasn't included in the articles. Did you see the red carpet photos? No. Oh, okay. Who else is involved in that drama? Olivia Rodriguez. And who's like, do you know

the guys? I don't know. Joshua Bassett. And yes, so I can't believe you didn't. This was like the big celebrity news for me this week. Olivia Rodriguez and Joshua Bassett did make a red carbon appearance together where they're like smiling and all these photos together. And it was like this huge deal or whatever. It's kind of like when Kim Kardashian's big fat ass broke the internet. It's like on that level, it broke the internet. The internet crashed and crumbled beneath the weight of this relationship drama. And then also, yeah, Sabrina Carbender, big shoutouts. I really like her album. Emails I Can't Send, which came out pretty recently and addresses her end of everything. Because MJ, wouldn't you know it? It's always the other woman that gets all the shit and not the

fucking guy who caused it all. I mean, isn't it just the classic? So there's some really great tracks on there, especially one called Because I Like a Boy, that addresses all the death threats she received after Sauer came out, even though she wasn't even together with Joshua Wabassett by that point. But regardless, yeah, they were on the red carpet for high school musical, The Musical, the series, season three. And, yeah, socials got hype about it. Check out emails I can't send.

But it's kind of crazy. Everyone's like, I can't believe they're in the photo. But, you know, this blind is saying that Disney is the puppeteer of that whole situation. Of course they are. Right? Yeah. I mean, I guess, but also, you know, it's like, I feel like it's young love after about a year or two. You're like, oh, yeah, right. We shouldn't have been together. You know what I mean? Like, when you're that young and you have a big heartbreak and then a couple years past, you get an amazing album out of it. I even said on our talking TV episode, I want to suck this guy's dick because apparently two good albums came out of it. Like, Jesus Christ. I think that Disney just wanted people to remember that high school musical, the musical, the series. is still going on for season three.

I think that that's what Disney wanted. That as well. But either way, go check out that album. And Joshua, where's your album, bro? I want the third. I want the final response album. Like, oops, I did it again. Or whatever you want to call it. But regardless, here's your next one.

This one actually goes with all the weird food stuff we like to talk about. This former A-List talk show host is. lending her name to a company that is selling celebrity meat. Former talk show host. She recently stopped doing her talk show. Wendy Warren. Yes. Bitelabs.org.

Let me just put a little link here. Celebrity meat. It sounds like dead celebrities. Jennifer Lawrence has a meat. Kanye West has a meat. No, no, no, no. But I think it's, no, no, no. I think it's them trying to.

get them to link there. Oh, it just says tweet at James Franco and help make the Franco salami reel. Oh, this is a nightmare. So, but this is the thing. All right, so Bight Labs produces fine artisanal salami for meat that has been lab grown from celebrity tissue samples. So the process begins with...

Oh, it's lab grown meat. I've been calling for this for decades. Well, yes, I'm not ewing about the lab grown meat. I'm ewing about the fact that, like, they want to use parts of their celebrity. Celebrity. Yeah. I've done a big, I did a reverse kombucha face on this.

At first I was like, no, I guess it's the regular kombucha face. I think I might like it. Let's learn more. The process begins with myosatellite cells, which are obtained via biopsy. These are a particular type of stem cell found in adult muscle, the function to repair and regrow damage muscle. In order to produce meat and volume, we allow the myosatellite cells to multiply in a growth medium.

The medium functions sort of artificial blood. providing the cells with nutrients and growth factors to become meat not only in cell type but in texture and structures. Well, the fledgling muscle cells are attached over a sugar support. This not only provides, yeah, just a bunch of the ground. When fully grown, the muscle pieces are combined and ground to the desired consistency. It is at this point that we mix different types of meats according to the specific recipes for each of our products, spices, fats. No. The ground meat is now stuffed in a casings and given a final seasoning within dry age and cure our salamis in a traditional low temperature environment

before packing them for distribution. I always said if it was legal and it was consensual and all this kind of stuff, I would maybe try man. What do you guys think? This isn't man. They're just using cells, but still, I think it's weird and disgusting because right now it's not consenting.

It is, how about you pester these celebrities to be like, come on, don't you want to be a salami? Come on, just salami. They're not asking to be salamis. They're asking people to beg them to be salamis. Yeah, that's weird. I don't like that part. I do like the idea of growing meat in a lab.

Yes. And I kind of like the idea of using the cells of celebrities to do it. I guess I'm a different on that. I could take a leave that. Let's go back to the carbon footprint. Would environmental concerns maybe help you make a decision? Celebrity meat production requires less than 1% of the amount of land needed for traditional farming. Currently, 70% of the world's farmland, almost 30% of the world's.

the entire surface is used for raising animals. That's why use lab-made meat. Definitely make lab-made meat. The biggest, even if you don't care about animals, the biggest argument for eating less meat is the climate stuff for sure. Yes, completely. I love this at the bottom. There's an email.

You can send in an email form. It says famous and want your meat produced. It's, oh, I mean, you know, this is like PETA stuff, how like I feel like people who are like, maybe eat less meat instead of just. being normal about it. They're like, what if we do the weirdest fucking thing on earth? Like, what if you just said this is like, I thank God that fucking Beyond Burger isn't like,

this is, this is, this is, this tastes like the penis of a celebrity or whatever, you know? Like, I just, I just feel like it's a little, it's a little heavy handed. Like, just be like we use human cells to make meat. It's you're not eating people. It's not James Franco. I don't know. I got, I need more time to think about this. I'm going to just.

I'm going to like have a martini and stare at this website for a while and see what comes to me. Bight Labs. I can't tell if I hated it. Oh my God. Oh my God. Your favorite celebrity via Twitter for Bight Labs. Yeah, don't harass the celebrities. I'm with Jackie on that.

That's not, I don't like that. No. If like, but of course, you know, some celebrity, who's the most famous vegan celebrity? Somebody is going to be like, hey, I'm Jason Mamo, and I would love to be turned into a thing of salami. You know what I mean? Sure. Maybe Joaquin Phoenix. see that. Alicia Silverstone, I could definitely see that. She's the biggest vegan celebrity,

yeah, but she would probably be weird about it. I mean, I would eat Brooke Shields's lab made salami. I would definitely do that if they are consenting already. That's so weird that they're like, you should hit them up. It makes it seem like it's going to be like one of those like, you know, like in a lot of order episode where you need to frame someone so you like sneak into their hotel room and like get their like a lock of their hair. you know? Yeah. I feel like we're going to be sneaking celebrity cells to make some celebrity meat, you know?

I don't want that. I say sneak that meat, ladies and gentlemen. Or I can see again and I'd probably try some Ellen or whatever, you know what I mean? Why not? On this list, if I had to choose meat from Kanye, Ellen, J-Wod, or James Franco. Yeah. I mean, I got to go with, he's a badman, but I think I would choose James. James Franco meat.

All of these people are bad, except for Jennifer Lawrence. What about just what celebrity's meat would you most like to try? I'm going to go share. You think shares meat would be good? Yeah. Do you have some too shit? You know, I'll do some dumb fun. Oh, yeah, you'll be making lots of celebrities.

Yeah, I'll be dressed like a Bram Stoker's Dracula. Oh, yeah. All that good stuff. No, I'd want someone I think that would have like tenderer meat. Fatty kind of meat. Yeah. I guess it would depend, though. You wouldn't want it too fatty, though.

Like, do you want someone like a Jason Momoa that lean? that lean meat that would definitely be like a good like I'd eat a I'd eat a tenderloin off of Jason Mamoa you know kind of in in between films when he kind of lets himself go a little bit I think that's when you'd want to me he's been out of work for six months yeah exactly yeah for six months party animal Jason Mamoa meat I just want to be clear we're not talking about just eating Jason Mamoa I'm lab created me you guys can talk about whatever you guys want to I'm talking actually eating his flesh. And in a live type scenario

after playing crash. Also first thought, Jason Alexander. I feel like Jason Alexander would have very supple meat. Yeah. MJ, before we get out of here, what do you got? Lab created. Share.

Jason Alexander. Who's meat am I eating? I'm gonna go. John Goodman's meat. I need John Good. I'd be meat made out of John Goodman. Yeah, let me go. Let me just get really weird

and say Steve Bouchemim. Wow. It's going to be real lean. Real lean. Well, there you have it. That's our episode. Thanks so much for joining us for all the piss stories.

What celebrity we eat, we'd eat, we're eating here on page seven. John did make me think of Monsters Inc. I watch Monsters Inc. Like every other day. So, you know, you've got to be somebody from Monsters Inc. That's the prompt. That'd be great. Who for Monsters Inc. do you want to eat?

Who for Monsters Inc.? You want to eat? There's only one other guy. So I guess it's not going to choose the good. Who's going to choose the best? I guess. I guess. It's Billy Crystal or John Goodman.

I guess I'll go Billy Crystal since you already chose John Goodman. But regardless, thank you so much for joining us. If you are upset about anything I said about the environment or any of my hot takes today, it's Jackie Zabrowski at Gmail. No, no, no, no, you can set it right in to page 7 podcast at gmail.com

and I'll do exactly like I did withhold it with all the piss stories. And I said, you're the one that asked for the piss stories. You're going to read all of them. And that is what happens. I'll try to read your environmental concern email. I'll just probably fall asleep quickly during it. I will forward them to him.

Don't worry about it. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. Thank you guys so much for hanging out on this weird episode at page 7. It's another weird morning episode. I love it. My name is Jackie. You can follow me on Instagram, Jack That Worm.

You can come hang out over on my Twitch, which is Twitch.tv. It's on O'Noh, it's Jackie. I play Sims on Wednesdays. We talk about sex on Tuesdays, and we play dating games on Sundays. So come hang out with us. And that is great. I've been talking for days straight.

I'm at a point where my mouth is not making sense anymore. Stop making sense, Jackie. I took three days off work, and then I've just been talking for three days straight. You're killing it. You're doing such a good job. Check me out. Twitch. com TV forward slash Holdenaders Ho.

Check me out. I have anger, which I go to third. for Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast if you'd like to follow us further. Constant content being uploaded every single week for just $5 a month. Join us for the Jersey Shore watch along on Discord for just $10 a month. And again, page 7 podcast at gmail.com, the numeral 7. Hit us up with your conspiracy theories, blind items, and no more piss stories. We're good on those.

Thanks so much, everybody. MJ. My name is MJKL Kat on Inst. I do want to thank you to Stricks for giving us a whole week of Strick stuff. We talked to MJ talked about Strick's comments over on the page 7 LPN TikTok. Holden's going to be doing a sweaty stream for Stricks about using the makeup to make him not look as much like a sweaty monster, which he definitely uses. Thank you so much, Stricks. And I want to push also, if you happen to be in the Los Angeles area or anywhere, close.

close to the L.A. area and you can come out on August 24th. We are going to be, Holden and I are going to be doing a karaoke meet up, hangout over at the Good Night in North Hollywood. If you look up the good night. A dedicated karaoke bar. It's on 10721 Burbank Boulevard. It is awesome. No charge. Just come hang out and drink with us and do karaoke. It is just absolutely going to be a fun-ass hang. August 24th, the Good Night, 10721 Burbank Boulevard. Wednesday, it starts at 6 p.m. And we'll be there definitely until 9. That's when like the normal karaoke night kind of starts.

But we can keep kicking it and doing karaoke. But they're going to open up the karaoke early for us. So definitely, definitely come out. If we make a good impression with this one, we might be able to start making this a regular thing. So the more people who show up, the better chance we have of like having a regular karaoke night. hosted by Jackie and I. So come on out and hang out, but hold on your hats because it's time for a shout out.

Oh, shout, shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're gonna read them to you. Come on. I just want to say thank you guys so much for writing in such amazing piss stories. I really truly appreciate it, and you can send in your own piss stories, I guess, if you want, or shoutouts to page 7podcast at gmail.com.

That is page 7podcast 7.5.7.com. We read all of them, and especially if it has something to do with global warming or piss. I will be forwarding those to Holden. So please yell at them all you want. I would love to forward them to him. Anyway, it's time for our shoutouts. First up, I want to thank you so much, Bell, from Denver, for writing in a self-shout. You know I love self-shoutouts.

Bell says, I don't have any friends that I'm aware of that listen to the show, so I wasn't able to harass anyone to give a shout-out for me. I finally got around to writing a self-shout to celebrate my resilience in the last year around the sun. On Thursday, the 4th, August 4th, I turned 29. years old. Happy birthday, baby. On page seven day, no less. Happiest of birthdays to you, Bell. This last year I celebrated my first year of marriage. Congratulations. Started taking tap classes for the first time, which is something I have dreamed about doing for 15 years and have always

been afraid to actually try. Oh my God, I'm so excited for you, Belle. I can't wait to hear about your tap dancing journey. And most excitingly, I finally left my shirt. shitty coffee shop job of seven years, and just last week, I started working in sales for an event planning company that I love in this gorgeous and overwhelming hotel, and so far it has been amazing. Congratulations, Bell. Bell says, I want to take a moment to shout out how much I've grown to believe in myself in this last year alone, because as I enter my 29th year, I am in need of reminding myself how strong I am. As many fears as I was able to overcome last year,

I had a seizure for the first time that put me in the emergency room. They did the necessary scans before I was discharged to ensure that I had no brain tumors or bleeding. All good there. But I still don't have any answers. I did find that I have a great grandma with epilepsy, and she's still alive. And I have an appointment with a neurologist on Wednesday

and an appointment with my general practitioner on Thursday. I'm trying to stay optimistic, and my new company has been nothing but supportive, which is entirely unlike what I'm used to for my last job, so that is helpful. I've required a babysitter since I had a seizure and haven't been able to drive anywhere, so that has been the biggest adjustment so far. I am preparing myself for a lot of tests ahead and more questions before I have any answers, but I have a solid support system and an incredible podcast to listen to what I need to keep my spirits up. I made it through 28, and I'm not about to let 29 push me around this easily.

I love you guys. Thank you for everything you do. You guys are my favorite. And you know what, Bell, you're my favorite. Thank you so much for writing in about this. And you got this. And you're taking care of yourself. And you're already making the necessary self-care adjustments in your life. I'm so proud of you, Bell. You got this shit. And please let us know how it goes and let me know how those tap dancing classes go. Happy birthday, Beb! You got it, baby. I also want to say, oh my God, thank you so much to Sarah for corroborating Megan's Timothy Chalamey

Piss story from last week. Sarah says my jaw absolutely hit the floor when I heard the conspiracy theory about Timothy peeing in bottles during the shooting of little women because, simply put, it's true. I work in the film industry in Massachusetts and though I did not work on little women, I have two close friends who did.

They worked very closely with Timothy daily and told me about the peeing in water bottles mystery. I was fascinated, so much so that I constantly hounded my friends for pee-p-up dates. Apparently, a handful of the crew knew about the pee bottles. Teamsters were cleaning up the bottles in his trailer, even though, yes, he did have a functioning bathroom inside of his trailer. Locations were cleaning up the bottles in his on-set,

green room. It was truly bizarre and we never solved the mystery. Thank you so much for the corroboration, Sarah. Needed to know it. And now we do and it all lives in our brains rent free every time you look at Timothy. And last of it at least, I just want to say thank you so much to Brenna for writing in about Riverdale Roundup. The subject line was Riverdale Roundup is the best part of LPN, and I just want to say thank you so much. They said, don't you dare doubt your contribution to the world and the culture and our society via Riverdale Roundup. My mom and I watch this show and discuss it weekly in our own Riverdale Roundup, but I doubt

we're as funny as y'all are. You stop. As my mom and I always say, Riverdale is something that happens to you. I also think it's the closest my mother will ever get to understanding what mushrooms are like. Thank you for suffering and cheering. and going through the full gambit of emotions with us about this show. Also, the pod just confirms that this show doesn't only exist in my head.

So thanks for that. P.S. Cheryl Gang rise up. I love you, Cheryl! And thank you so much for sending this in, Bryn. I really appreciate it. And thank you guys so much for hanging out with us today on page 7 and for enduring some of the Riverdale talk. I know it's not for all of you, but it is for some of you. and you know who I'm talking to. Love you guys so much, and we'll be back next week.

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