Page 7 - Ep. 461: Xana-Do Rest in Peace

Episode Date: August 11, 2022

This week we're mourning the loss of Olivia Newton-John and then gossin' 'bout where to not order an Irish Car Bomb, Jennifer Coolidge using American Pie to GET IT, MJ and Holden realize Jackie has never seen the filmic wonder that is American Pie, T Swift's "Shake It Off" lawsuit, Pete Davidson entering therapy because of Kanye's harassment, Jackie hopes Geoff will purchase the Frank Ocean 25k dong jewelry because it's HER BIRTHDAY, and in celeb conspiracy corner; are all Gyllenhaal's klepto-religious-fanatics!?, the List, Blinds and SHOUTZZ Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

MJ Holden, I've got a little plan for you. And I think you... I'm coming home tonight. Let's do the little dance. I think you might like it. And we're going to cry tomorrow, watching the funeral of Olivia Newton, John, not watching it's a wonderful life. There will be crying and there will be blood.

I think I don't think. I don't like it. Olivia Newton. John is dead. She was so tight. That was Jackie's first response was, but she was so tight.

She's just so tight. Like, just look it's so good. Yeah, she did seem like one of those definitely not going to die. That young is a weird word to say, but my parents are past that age, so it's like, ugh. Yes, no, it's horrifying to be old enough

to find 73 extremely young. Young. 73 is so young. And I remember. remember when I was a kid, somebody in my hometown died who was like 55, and my mom was like, he was so young. And I was like, that's an insane thing to say. And now I'm like, 73 is a child. Olivia Newton-John, who had so much left to give us. Especially just because she had such a long career that she did just keep coming back around to being relevant again. Like, Greece never went

anywhere. I mean, think of how much everybody knows that everybody loves. I think you might like it. What a pop sensation, I think you might like it was. I was slightly disappointed at the lack of outpouring of love specifically towards that music video from social media.

Absolutely. I saw many. Of course, they roll out the anonymous people. Xana do. They're doing physical. Sure, sure. George Dekai was like, you're now in Danadu in heaven, which I don't know if she wants to be in Zanadu. I know.

The big Zanadu in the sky. I was like, yikes. Can we get some Zanadu afterlife consent for Ms. John? I don't want it. Before we just put her there. It's tough to memorialize somebody who's, it's like all, her body of work is incredibly impressive and like quality, yet also all of it is kind of funny, you know? Yes, kind of weird.

Greece is like kind of funny. Zanadu is like kind of funny. Physical, obviously, kind of funny. Obviously, you think it might like it, hilarious. So it's like, I kept wanting to like think of something like articulate to say about it. And then I just kept being like, I mean, Zan, you know, Zanatoo, I thought, will all really miss you. You know, it's like it's true. But also it just sounds kind of funny, you know.

Yeah, yeah. It does it as hard. Zanadu rest in peace. Greece is such a banger, though. Like I did Greece in 2017, the theme. at my elementary school summer camp was musicals and every class got assigned a musical. And they spent the whole summer, like, they, like, would, you know, we would, they would, they would learn the songs and then they would study, like, the kids who did hairspray would,

like, study that it was like fifth grade got that and they, like, learned about segregation. And so they would kind of, like, talk about the themes. And so that was, like, the peg for the summer. And the class that did grease, and then I was, you know, the drop. teacher and I worked with a dance teacher and so we did like just like little mini we would put on just like little mini numbers from from uh of the hits from each musical and like I spent that summer listening to the Greece soundtrack and I was like man this fucking rules this is so so good and it again it just sounds kind of corny to say that but it's just a very very very good

soundtrack I don't I haven't seen the movie at a long time and I don't know to the extent to which the movie holds up obviously there's some lines in... There's some rough... There's some rough birds of it. There's a couple of rough birds in there. Yeah. There's probably a couple of things

you wouldn't stand by. But just the music in that movie is so fucking good. And I hope that she felt good about her hilarious legacy. I just can't believe we've never talked about it on this show before

how much Holden is such a Kinnaki. Holden, you are... You got Kinniki energy... What you're talking about? I don't even know which character that is. I'm just being a grease person. Oh, yeah. Oh.

What's talking about that? You have to be meaner. Canicky was definitely like... You're calling me a slur over and over again is what it feels like. You're such a Kincky-Holden. It's something to do with my Scotch-Irish background. I'm one of those... No, everyone at home...

Don't let any of those kinikis over to dinner. You know what I mean? Because all they want is the Blarnie stay. I don't know what they want, but you know what I mean. Well, you're certainly not a Zuko. I'm throwing it out there. I always wanted to be a Zucco, but I'm always a Rizzo. and I will take it.

Did you ever identify with anyone, MJ, in Greece? Who did you want to be in Greece growing up? You know, I think Rizzo was one of those characters that for a lot of us growing up who knew that we weren't a Sandi. A Sandra D. Yeah, who knew we would never be Sandra D. We're like, I guess I'm Rizzo.

You know, like, I feel like Rizzo is kind of like the first, like, wacky friend, you know. But also kind of a bad ass. Yeah. Like, I mean, Stocker Channing is just, I would do anything for Stocker Channing. Yeah, and she was like a bitch, but also she was like a really great character who you really liked and rooted for. Yeah, I definitely Rizzo. For some reason, I started watching Greece when I was like five or something.

It weirdly gets in there early. It gets in there really early. It's like that. It was always on. I think is another one that's just super bizarre for a kid, but it just gets to you. It finds you. And I remember like looking up all of the lyrics to Summer Loving and like singing all of them, like knowing all of them and asking my. parents questions about some of them and then clearly being really uncomfortable by it.

Like it's like, that sounds like pretty... What's fucking on the beach like? Don't you get sand in the he-hoo or whatever you were calling it at that age? You know, like... And like, you know, the... I'm still, like, I still feel kind of like mildly scandalized every time in Greece lighting when he says it's a real pussy wagon, you know, there's just, it was like, it was a perfect musical to like slightly scandalize you as a young child, you know?

Because it's not that scandalous aside from, again, like the consent stuff. is blurry with your kuka. That's just a product of the time. You know you want it. Yeah, yeah. No, don't hold. Hold in your evil. Summer 11 is the blurred lines of its time, though.

Canicky energy 100%. Yeah, you are such a canicky, man. I'm telling you, I'm calling you, this is not going to hold up in a few years. Talking about things not holding up. You referring to me as a kinicky, I think, is going to be. I think it's his last name. I don't think it's an ethnic slur, but it could be. It just really does sound like an iris.

Well, the Irish, we don't have a lot. I'm sure somebody can DM me and tell me the Irish slurs out there, but... It's Mick. My mom, like, Will owns that word herself. Yeah. And I'm sure they exist, but I don't know any, like, ones, though, that, like, can get you in trouble at a bar in Boston, much like ordering an Irish car bomb, which my ex's brother did. And the guy at the bar was like, hey, you shouldn't fucking... do that out here.

Really? Yeah, you don't want to do not order an Irish car bar in Boston. I feel like you might not want to do that in like Northern Ireland. It was an Irish pub. It was just not. Yeah, I think you want to stay away from it around those mix. You know what I mean? I don't mean to say this, but what do you call?

It's like, excuse me, sir. May, oh no, like, can I have a whiskey in my cream, man? Can I have what are you supposed to ask for? that I would like to drop into a beer, please. Your first mistake is doing it in a British accent because it is based on, you know, the Irish don't like the British. That's true. Well, I wouldn't do it in Boston.

I won't do that there, okay? I think that's, but it's my name. I think you can avoid this problem. Yeah, I think you're just, by never doing an Irish carbone again. You can order any one of a million other drinks, I think would probably be the, uh... Yeah. I can't imagine the last time I even did one.

was at the creek. I think MJ, I believe we did them together. I was going to say, I have a feeling like the last time I did that drink was with you at the creek also. Wow. Yeah. And I think it was just the kind of thing that when you see them being lined up and I think that I would assume a bartender hates making them because they are a pain in the ass.

I'm going to go and say this too, sake bomb far superior to an Irish car bomb. What do you do with the sake bomb? What do you do with the sake bomb? in the shot glass and a Sapporo, usually. Oh, that sounds delicious. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's so much fucking better. Holy shit, I can take down like eight of those.

And it doesn't curdle. You know, it's the time. It's the time. Or the heaviness of it all. Between the cream and the Guinness or whatever it is. Yeah, yeah. Everything about it just is like, just, ugh, just bloat you out, you know.

And you know what? I'm going to go ahead and say a Yeager bomb is pretty good. And I'm going to go in and say that I think that I'm pretty sure my heart would stop if I had a Yeager bomb. I think I'm never going to have a pet of that. Yeah, we've aged out of that. I think I've aged out. I do recommend trying. Only aged out.

Try a Socky bomb at some point in your life. It is, I fell in love with that. That's the only bomb left, but I think we can do. All right. One of them is anti-Irish. One of them is, you know, we'll stop our heart. So we can only do a Sochie bomb. And you might need a Yeager bomb if you're,

You're about to sleep with over 200 people because of a role. We are going to talk about Jennifer Coolidge. Jennifer Coolidge, who has done in many things. I am absolutely, obviously, absolutely obsessed with Jennifer Coolidge. She played Stifler's mom in American Pie, and she claims that because of her role in American Pie, that she slept with over 200 people just because of that role. And what a badass.

You know, I think about it this time period. in our lives a lot. And it's even coming up again because they've referenced American Pie in the new Woodstock 99 documentary on Netflix, which I can't look away from. I don't care that they already made one on HBO. All three episodes of it. You still going with it? I only have one left and I wanted to watch it last night. And I was like, you know what? I bet if I watch this right now and then we go asleep immediately afterwards, I'm just going to have like bummer dreams. So we ended up watching something else. But throwing it out there, you will do that with yourself while you're watching the Sandman. It is rough. I had so. weird dreams last night after the last episode we watched. He's coming for you, bro. He's coming for you, dude. Morbius is, it's morbid time. And I was, I was no one said that yet. But now it's more fin time, please.

MJ, I need you to know, you got to watch the Sandman. Talk about broody boy energy forever. It's forever. Gideon started without me because he was like, you know, we were on vacation last week and our vacation show was F. He did what he always does a vacation. He brooded. He brooded.

Well, whatever, like, a new show comes out that he's excited about, he asks, like, do you want to watch it together? And usually my answer is no. And so I was like, I don't care about the Sandman. So he, but I think I, and then oftentimes he will, dude. He will watch it. The Sandman cares about UMJ and the Sandman's going to come find your fucking ass for

saying that in your dreams, bro. So get used to that. Wow, all right. You always got to go into the dream world at some point, man. The dream realm is always waiting for you, man. Dream realm's always fucking got its dick in the air, bro. Yes, please. All I want to do is watch F Boy Island every night for the rest of my life.

I know, I'm so sad. It's over. It's all I want. I don't care about anything else. I'm not done yet. I'm so depressed. We throw on hacks. It's fine. It's not F boy.

But anyways, where do we get here? I was talking to what was I even talking? Oh, yeah. Was I like 99. Jennifer Colidge. And talking about Jennifer Colidge and talking about, God, what a fucking, what were those Russian toy? Nesting dolls. What a Russian nesting doll of a conversation we just had.

Let's get back to American Pie to. Oh, it's the thread. What's the name of my character? The Threadfinder. Who finds it for the original? The threadmaster. The toilet flusher, I believe, was what it was. No.

What are you? It brings back to the original thread. Yeah. Which is that you were talking about American Pie. relationship to Woodstock 99, which was like, disgustingly horny in a gross, like, toxic masculinity way. And just remembering that time in our lives with cinema, there was so much horny teen fair to a degree that we don't get it all now. Now it's warlocks and sandmen and the up and between the upside down. Yeah.

What do teens watch to get like? Euphoria. Yeah. And euphoria, which is like, yeah, sex, but also like very, very. Like light yourself on fire and fucking jump off a bridge. I feel like the level of sophistication of euphoria of euphoria of euphoria compared to American Pie too. Yeah.

You're not sitting there. I don't think it. Well, I'm sure people are. I mean. No. There's the summer I turned pretty, which I did watch all of that. I'm pretty sure in the oldest person that watched. Come on American Pie.

Was there a clarinet up a vagina or a, you know, a bunch of guys watching a woman unknowingly while she gets changed, which is so bad. Yeah. Yeah, I have not rewatched the American Pie franchise. It was crazy how much like, every summer at that point you had like your scream knockoff

and you had your like weird, let's all sit in a theater and get like collectively horny together, you know. Oh, even Skins was a while ago. I think it must have had to do with, again, the lack of this makes me think of all the rewinds we've been doing and how the media landscape has changed. But like, I feel like for a lot of kids, like when American Pie came out, it was kind of like your first exposure to some of those like types of conference. I feel like that like it wasn't like I was on the internet reading about sex or reading about like. And so I feel like

American Pie weirdly was like this, yeah, it was this like collective horny experience where it was like collectively everyone was like, oh, are we all? this horny, but also it was like collective, like for, I feel like for kids who were growing up as girls, it was like, are boys like this? And then for boys, it was like, yeah, are we like this? Like, there was this strange kind of, there was a collective horniness to it that I think maybe isn't possible now because everyone's having their own personal horny journey. Own personal horniness time on the internet, inevitably, right? For better or for worse, you know. You're saying to someone that has never seen American

pie, throwing it out there. then I shouldn't watch American Pie. You've never seen American Pie, Jackie? Never seen it. And you love Jennifer Coolidge? Dude, honestly, I just love Jennifer Cool. We're gonna do a high school musical watchalong riff track thing for the vacation time coming up. Part of me is also like, do we do this at some point for American Pie?

I cannot believe you've never seen American Pie. Oh my God, I had no idea, Jackie. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Oh, it is like the most bizarre. Although I want you to do this too. I need you to imagine while you're watching it sitting in a. packed movie theater all with a bunch of like horny to the gills high school kids.

I don't know if I can go back. And I put, this is my problem when I started talking, when I told you guys a while ago when he started watching waiting and I had to shut it off because I was like, this is not like this kind of humor. And like the slurs and stuff that they were used. It was like, this isn't funny to me. And I shut it off. And I shut it off.

Oh, yeah. I think American Pie is going to not hold that in. That's my problem. Jennifer Coolidge. I'm a huge fan. of because of the Christopher guest movies. And then so it's like I love her for that side and legally blonde. And then also her and White Lotus is amazing.

And like just her voice and her being such a unique presence. That's why I'm so attracted. Like I want to be Jennifer Coolidge. I want her to be my mother. I want her to be my lover. Like I just want all of the things from Jennifer Coolidge. I would love to see her be your mother lover. And for her to like be your mom and also have sex.

with you. It would just be this beautiful, illegal thing. Wouldn't you watch it? Wouldn't you watch that reality show? I'm saying this right now. Holden up with Holden. My new podcast where I watch incredibly problematic movies from the our childhood or

other people's childhood. In my brain, all you're going to do is I thought you meant like putting something on your hard dick to see if your dick could hold it up. That will also be happening. If it's a horny movie. That's a TikTok channel. Yeah, doesn't hold up. Did I stay hard through the problematic scene, and if that happens, that I gives a random person a million dollars.

It's about whether the movie holds up at all. So whether it keeps my tick hard. Yeah, which also, by the way, the whole podcast concept will not hold up in like a few years. That's kind of idea. No. I'm making of something that will. Also, it's so meta. It's unbelievable. Yeah, it's more meta than Zuckerberg.

It's incredible. Honestly, though, we have to do it American Pie. watch the log. I'm stunned. It was such a weirdly defining moment of our it came out at the exact. It's kind of like scream, how scream came out at the perfect time for what that was.

This was that, but it was our porkies. It was our meatballs. And it's a dead relic of a thing. There's no like. There will never be another. I mean, euphoria, you could kind of make a case for it's the closest thing, but even then it's not gleefully horny in the way that American Pie is American

Euphoria is like a quality work of art. Whereas Barbaricad Pie was just so trashy. So dirty and horny and literally just like, and then we all sat in the room. And this is the thing. Just you don't have to go to a movie theater to see that. Whereas we had to. Right. It was weirdly socially acceptable to all go see this movie together.

Oh, and cruel intentions. Oh, that era, dude, cruel intentions. So, again, and wild things in those course that Penn 15 episode. There's nothing. I don't, I mean, maybe someone can point. me to it, but I don't feel there's anything like that today. And it's obviously because of porn on the internet and access to pornography. But it's just so weird to think back on the fact that, like, we were so horny and the access was so limited. We were all willing to collectively get hard

and wet with a bunch of strangers of varying ages around our age group in our teens. And it was like so, it was like, imagine something as iconic as like the breakfast club. with like absolutely none of the quality. You know, it was just like, but like a similar kind of ensemble of characters where you're like, oh, I know somebody who's just like Stifler and like I, my group of friends has the one who's like, you know, the fucking that, that guy. Like, and, and yet again, nothing.

I don't think, I mean, Eugene Levy, I'm sure holds up. Jennifer Coolidge holds up. But like, that's the other thing. Very few things. Eugene Levin and Jennifer Coolidge are in this fucking movie. So are like a bunch of, you know. And then even the kids, half of them were, like, kind of teen icons. Is it Giovanni Ribisi who plays the, or am I making a mistake?

The guy who wants to fuck Stifler's mom. It's not Giovanni Ribisi. God, I was in love with Giovanni Ribisi. Me too. Something about. And I'm not saying, Jackie, I'm not doing the thing where I'm like, how have you not seen American pot? No, I understand.

I'm excited. I'm excited. I want to experience this with you. And by the way, I'm just realizing it really is the prelude to creating, in my opinion, a whole generation of monster fuckers. Because then after that, you get Twilight. Eddie K. Thomas, that's what I was thinking of. Eddie K. Thomas.

It becomes all about, like, monster-oriented fuck-making. You know what I mean? But this was when kids could just be kids literally sticking their dick into an apple pie, which is the name of the movie is based up. Why did parents allow this? Natasha Leon? Yeah, Natasha Reed.

Terry Reed, of course. Why do I mix up Eddie K. Thomas with Giovanni. And then what's her name? Sean William Scott, Jason Biggs. It's just an incredible the young people, you know, I feel like, but the fact that, like you said, Hold, the fact that it's Eugene Levy and Jennifer Coolidge. Who were great in it. That was my introduction to Eugene Levy, was American Pie.

It was this whole thing, you know. And I mean, again, Porkies and meatballs, that was like kind of the generation before. But, yeah. You also have to remember, this is around the time period when I was a bully in middle school. Right. So anything that everybody liked, I hated. Yeah. Yeah.

So that was definitely, this is around the time when I was like reading Stephen King and I was like, look at these plebs watching their comedy movies. I was the same way, but I was big horny for tits. So it was undeniable for me this product at that time of my life. And that's the thing. It's fucked up. But American Pie was like an element of sex education for a lot of millennials. Because I like even the fucking pie thing. It's like, I was like, I want to see this movie so that I can.

like get information about what horny boys are like, you know? It was like gathering intel. It was honest about sex, at least in our viewpoint, I have to watch it again, right, to see if that's actually the case. But it was honest about sex in a way back then that we didn't get really. And even the generation before with, you know, Revenge of the Nerds with that fucking R word scene. And then the, you know, and then, but also pork kids and meatballs.

Even that was like a weird, dumb version of teen horniness. Whereas this was actually like, especially the Tara Reid, I forget the guy's name, story because they're like a couple in high school who've been together forever and are like just trying to figure out whether or not they should lose their V cards on prom night, right? Which I think was like a very real thing that a lot of people dealt with and did not see in a filmic experience. Is that what you're referring to American Pius? A filmic experience. When sound meets vision meets dialogue, meets acting, becomes an experience of a filmic nature. I just hurt my arm on the mic stand here at the news studio. Man, too old.

You got too old for it. I got to cool down. That's right. I'm cool take Luke this week, by the way. I just want to throw it out there. I've received. I've heard the environmentalists sing singing the songs of angry environmentalists. I've been inundated with people

being saying, hey now, what now? I'm just kidding. No one wrote in. You're an all-star, but also Holden. Yes, I would ride in a private plane. Literally no one wrote in, thus confirming that no one in fact actually cares about the environment. I had two people write in and say

they would not, in fact, take a private jet. And I think they're either lying or haven't flown in the last six months. But that's what Hot Take Holden would have said. Cool Take Holden says, Luke says, it's fine. What do you say? Whatever, man.

Says whatever man. Now, I will say we did have one person writing in, and I think that this is very smart, providing a perspective, talking about how it's very easy for the public to get flight info for celebrities and that BTS has had to deal with a lot of problems flying public that it's just so much easier for celebrities

to fly private instead. And that also makes a lot of sense. So technically we didn't even get any anti what you said. Just a different perspective of supporting what you were saying. I did get one email from a bunch of trees. I'm going to read right now. Oh, please help us. We are dying.

Stop. Chuff them down. Chop them down. Chop them down. Make that paper. And I'm not talking about money. I guess I am talking about money. Sure, whatever.

Print that paper. You know what I'm saying? It's going to play. It's going to hate. Oh, don't bring up the lawsuit, Holden, because there is a lawsuit against Taylor Swift because of the shaking off copyright lawsuit. Where has this lawsuit been for the last 10 years?

I mean, didn't that song come out eight years ago? They filed the copyright suit in 2017. And this is from the girl group 3LW that sang a year, in the year 2000, sang a song called Play is Gonna Play. And so they sued Taylor Swift years ago for this. And I guess it's all finally coming to a head per se. I guess, you know, really good things got put off, I'm sure, with the pandemic and everything.

And they are claiming that Taylor Swift stole the lyrics from them. And Taylor Swift's like, I wrote the lyrics off myself. But also, cool take Luke over here. How do you feel about this? I hope that they both find peace and harmony within themselves through this. Wow. You think that she didn't steal the line. player is going to play from them because that is a line that is ubiquitous in pop culture by the time she wrote the song.

I feel that the light shining within all of us as human beings is ubiquitous and beautiful, MJ. I'm cool. I will say I'm scared of you because you've donned the name of Taylor Swift's enemy Dr. Luke. So is this just Dr. Luke in disguise? Would you guys like to make an album with me in a dark room? No! I wish everyone could see where Holden is recording right now because especially the way he said

Holden's the camera Holden is in our new studio the new LPN studio but the way the camera is there's just like one lone very creepy lamp in an obviously sound approved room and the

camera angle is from up and above and off to the side so it looks like he's just like checking in on us and it looks like you're trying to get us into that room to, I don't know, if you do want us to make an album holding? I mean, do you want your career to skyrocket to the moon or do you want to stay in that dumb room in your apartment? What do you want to do?

MD what do we do? I know the way that this, there's something about the angle. Like, it's very like 90s show about the paranormal. what Holden looks like right now? I mean, technically, this is a space that his bread and butter is built on shows about the paranormal. But yes. Yeah. I mean, it's just that kind of situation.

Also, I've been watching unexplained with William Shatner, which is a... Is it good? It's terrible. It's like, if you love the original unsolved mysteries for, like, the fourth story on every unsolved mystery that was, like, not a mystery, that's what, this is. Like, they have one about somebody who was struck by lightning twice, and

they're like, is there something about her body that makes it more attractive to lightning? Like, that's literally one whole segment. And then, like, there's this one lake that gets a lot of lightning strikes, and they're like, how do you explain it?

And it's like, probably science can explain it. Like, I don't know. There's probably a science thing. It's not that unexplained. It's so bad, but I'm enjoying the hell out of it. But it's like when you have to find the fourth mystery for unsolved mysteries, and it's just not really a mystery. It's fantastic. But there's a lot of mystery, servolving, surviving.

Jackie, what happened? My mouth just stopped working, surrounding and involving. I don't make fun of you for what you've done. Oh, my God. I know your cool hand, Luke. Oh, God. Tames. I don't know anymore.

Because if you're trying to put your cool hands on me, get them on. Come in this dark room for a cool hand experience. Absolutely not. You're such a connicky. Get out of here, Kinnick. It's such a Kinnick. I am talking about Skeet. I'm talking about Kim Kardashian and Pete.

They're broken. They're broken forever. And now Pete Davidson is going to trauma therapy because of what Kanye has done to him. Discuss. Yeah, I am not surprised. Not surprised. Yeah. Not surprised.

It would be really traumatic to have Kanye West harassing you for months and months. Not just Kanye West harassing you. Oh, because I'm sure his fans are like so chill and cool and not at all. The worst fucking people on the planet. You know what I mean? It's like what's worse than that like Chris Brown fan I'd probably say is slightly what you mean? Like it's hard to kind of get much worse than like, I don't care about all the fuck shit stuff he says all the time and how much he sucks.

I like his sneakers so much that I'm going to support everything he does. And do you look at the comments below anything he ever posts. It's the same like set of people just being like, you're the goat. You're the greatest. It doesn't matter what he writes, what he does. They support it fully. They have no concerns about his mental health. They just think everything he does is perfect.

And that is why fandoms are terrible. terrifying. I was thinking about it too. Like if you're famous, if you're as famous as Pete Davidson, I'm sure you just have people who like deal with all of this for you. So like, I feel like, you know, the hard thing about being a regular person who's getting harassed on Twitter or something is that like you can't look at Twitter like because it's, you know, you just can't open the app or whatever. And even if you don't open the app, you can kind of be like, okay, I'm not going to open the app, but you just like know that that's happening. And so I feel like for Pete Davidson. It's like, on the one hand, it's like, it's not like he has to like deal with

his own Twitter mentions or whatever. But on the other hand, I just think it must be just really depressing to be like, of course. Kanye West, like the most famous man, one of the most famous men in the United States, like, just fucking hates my guts and it's just shit talking me to, like, constantly. Like, it's just like the, so it's interesting. It's not even like there, there's probably, in any material way, it probably didn't really impact his life. but the psychic weight of being, you know, Pete Davidson and being like, Kanye West is going to hate me for the rest of my life. Like, it would be really intense. It's hard enough planning a wedding that I feel like I always have something in the back of my brain that I'm not dealing with.

Like, that's enough of, like, psychological damage for months and months. Can you imagine having a huge target on your back not only by such a famous person, but also the millions of their fans? when they are, because it's like even like Kanye posted that headline that said Skeet Davidson is dead on his Instagram when they went public with the fact that they broke up. And that has now been taken down because of all of the conversation about how like Pete Davidson is in therapy. Yeah, is in trauma therapy because of what happened. And Cates people and Pete's people like went to Instagram and was like like, you know, to try to. at least get it. It is funny though that like I feel like anyone else would have been fully banned at this

point from Instagram for that level of harassment, but because it's him, I'm assuming they're like, but he's so popular. Yeah. Kanye, like the parallels between Kanye and Trump, you know, for how they use Twitter, for at least how they use social media, like maybe that's a clumsy comparison. But I feel like it's just like one of those things where it's like you're, you actually are using this like in a way that could materially hurt somebody. Yeah. Yeah. To incite, to incite, to incite, to incite, negative feelings and or actions. And that is a very scary power to have that he's wielding very willy-nilly. And I think that that's something that like, that, you know, whatever's going on in his brain,

he's obviously hopefully not thinking about the fact that he could put millions of people into negative action in the same way that Trump did. So I completely understand the comparison. It is very scary. Well, I'm going to go and say, what is cool take, Luke said? As a man has been sitting in a dark room for the past hour, I feel the same level of power and I wish to wield it.

Wow. Yes. I... Oh, it's because of his cool hands. Yeah, because of my many cool hands, many cool hands. How many do you have? 7 to 12, cool hands.

Oh, it varies. It varies day but day. Depends on if it's a Tuesday or not. Horny I am. Depends on if I've seen the film American Pie yet today, which is a daily watching experience for cool take.

Yeah, cool take look watches it every day. Oh, yeah. He's got some very, mild takes about it. He thinks he's fine. He thinks it's slightly funny and enjoyable. What do you guys? That's actually a hot take.

Slow your roll on the tanks. He's slightly concerned about the problematic things that don't hold on. All right. Yeah, yeah. What about Pete Davidson's, you know, tattoos with her name? I mean, at the end of the day, right, you just say, you know, he'll always remember that time in his life, you know what I mean? The crazy thing is, too, is that,

So Pete Davidson got the K-N-S-C-P tattooed on him, which people assume stands for North St. Chicago and Somme, who are Kim Kardashian's children. But he also got the name Kim branded on his chest so that he couldn't cover it up, or remove it like he could with a tattoo. I was going to be like, well, that's very easy to cover up at the end of the day.

Sure, sure, sure. But a branding, I'm not, now, I'm not, too familiar with what you could do with branding and maybe it is easy to go over the scarring. Whatever, Jackie, everybody knows that everybody knows that you might know a little

something about human branding? You just, oh, you wait until I get my stoke in the fire because I'm going to put the word ass on your ass holding. Your ass is going to say ass. Sometimes I do forget and I try to shit out of my dick.

I appreciate it. Yeah, no, put the word ass on his dick. Oh, that's how you do it. So I know where to put my dick. All right, people, can we have a clean show for what Cool Hand Luke says? He's fine with that, and it's everything's fine. What word could you make out of Kim that's brand? You got to just add skim, you know, or something.

Add a letter on the front. Yeah, but then that's her brand, that's her brand, but in a very different way. Oh, God, yeah. Skim? Unless it's skim milk, if you're going to call yourself because he's, filled with sugar, maybe he's skim milk. Yeah, maybe he's just to skim milk brand branding on his chest. His chest just says skim milk.

Skim milk is dead. I'm sure that there's other words with the word Kim in it that he could add on the branding. But I feel like, you know, it's just like Kim Chi, you know? Kim Chi, yeah. Kimchi's great. I'm just going to say, I think if you're having memorable enough sex with a person, even after you break up with them, you know, because this feels like it comes from having great sex.

I don't think you get a branding unless really good sex is involved, right? That's like my cool take, right? Unless it's Kim Carlin. Unless you're Pete Davidson and it's Kim Kardashian, and you're just like, this is so fucking cool. This is so cool and crazy. Yeah. I mean, exactly.

So it comes to a point where I'm just saying like at that point, then it's like, you'll just be like, that's the memory. Yeah. Because some people always say like, why do that? Because then you might regret it later. It's like, yeah, but it will never erase the fact that that was a time in his life.

It was only, it was less than a year. Yeah, nine months. So that's a lot. But, you know, these, you know, I mean, people, tattoo people, I don't know what to say about them. You know, they're impulsive. They get, you know, but I think right. And I love tattoos.

Me too. Me too. It's like a lifelong yearbook or something. You know what I mean? It's like, you're establishing those memories. Yeah. The whole point is like, this is permanent. Yeah. I think it's like,

nice to get, like, whenever people get, like, wedding ring tattoos or whatever, I wouldn't, I don't think I would do it, but I think it's nice. Like, I think a romance tattoo is, it's fun, let people have their fun, and then if they regret it later, then whatever. I'm still too scared to do it. I've never been, I've never actually been able, and I'm getting married and I still, I'm just like, I just can't do it just in case. Yeah. And there's always that in the back of my mind where it's like my tattoos are for me or, you know, there to commemorate a time period. And I think that's how

it's like, because me ain't going nowhere for now. So I like, at least that's how I feel. And I'm not, I think that it's a beautiful thing to trust that much. But I just don't trust that much. But the difference is, because I think I would be in a similar position

as Pete, Jeff doesn't have that ass. That is a crazy ass. Oh yeah, but I like to grab on it. He's got a fine ass, but it's not that ass. Gimmy, gimme, gimme. All right? Yeah, it's not that ass, yeah. You just want to look down at your chest and remember that ass every time you look down at your chest.

You're just going to look down and you're going to be like, man, that fucking surgically enhanced team of doctors worked on it. Made the ass. That thing, you'll always just hold that close to your heart. That project of an ass really served me well for dive-bub. That million dollar, I fucked a million-dollar ass. literally. Come on. Yeah. You're going to be...

Is that holding up? Are you able to hold that up the entire time while you think about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bunch of... Ten pound weights on that thing, I think, if I was dealing with that thing. You know what I mean? But I wouldn't be able to deal with that thing. I wouldn't be able to handle it at all.

Not at all. No. It'd be like a... No, no, no. Yeah, some kind of, you know, the mechanical bull or something. And she'd laugh. She'd be like, you fell off immediately. You know what I mean?

It would be one of those. You'd fall off immediately. Like, did you imagine you go with like, like spinning around the room. Thanks for putting these mats down. You know what I mean? Because she knew. You know?

Like, and everyone's pointing and loud like, I can't believe you immediately fell. You know what I mean? You don't even know what's going? Yeah. It's one of those. You know what I mean? And I bet he's upset.

And I will say that there's a lot of people saying that, you know, it is just scheduling and they're both just really busy people. I mean, who knows? And it seems like that's why it broke up. Yeah, we'll never. There's always an inside source. I'm always imagining this person. It's the same.

person for all of these stories dealing with all different celebrities, but it's the same person that always just ends up with their ear to the door. They're like, yeah, I really can speak for these two people. And, like, Kim's just feeling herself right. She's dating herself right now. And like, they always say the same shit, too. And it's just like, who are these people who are like,

Hey, People Magazine? It's me again. And I just want to let you know. Kim's fine. and Pete's like whatever. You know what I mean? It's just... The worst part, though, is Holden.

There's so many people that do that because they get pain to do it. And like, and that's, it's such a disgusting thing. Like, how does that person live if you work? I guess if you're being treated horribly, you would call. Yeah. Like, if you hated your job and hated working for that person. But I still can't imagine hating someone that I work with that much that, like, I didn't quit that I would call in... I was best.

I was like, you were a man in New York. For sure. We were just talking about that. I take back what I said. You need trauma therapy from that. I should have had trauma therapy from that. Instead, I just self-destructed. Like a normal person in their 20s does that doesn't have any money or any fame. It's beautiful. I guess, well, is it time? Is it time for us? Do we have anything else we want to get into before? Oh, you don't want to talk about the $20,000 Frank Ocean Diamond-encrusted sex toy?

Oh, yeah. That was crazy-looking. I mean, it seems like a lot for, sex toy, but people are so about their sex stuff. They're like, I need it to cost $10,000 to do this thing that I can get for free or a cock ring for $50 or whatever. I don't know, if you want a vibrating one, they're probably more like a

hundo, but still. It's got diamonds in it. It's got diamonds in the coxomorines. I think it's going to do it, you know what I mean? I think it's a fun move. It's like for his fashion line. I think that's more sex. It's such a bold move. It's like, not only am I going to throw a sex toy on my fashion line, but I'm going to make it like the most insanely expensive.

I just, again, I hate to say the same thing twice, essentially, but all I can think about is the person who gets that. The person who buys that is like, who is that person? You know? It's kind of wild. As someone with a lot of money, you mean the XXLH bone ring with stones? I mean, it's got a great name. XXLH bone ring with stones.

Yes, of course. Yeah. I've been saying it over and over again. Just like a sweet couple sitting around like, honey, what do you want for your birthday? It's coming soon. I want the XXX L H toad thing.

Yes, you hear that. Jeff? Yeah. Jeff, that's what I want for my birthday. My birthday is this week. If you're listening to this,

that's what I want. I want you to spend more than we're spending on our wedding on an XXXLH bone cock ring. And we're going to think about Holden every time we bow. I'm thinking about H-bone, and it's going to be difficult, but I think we can overcome it through the power of love. That's what I'm going to do next time I'm like when I ask for a PlayStation 6 and Lexi Balks. I'll just show her a picture of this.

Be like, I could want this. I could ask this $10 dollar dick ring. I could want this. We could easily get a very affordable version of. I mean, it doesn't seem, the cock rings I'm used to are like more kind of rubbery and feel a little more like. Yeah, so they can get up and over. This looks like brass knuckles. Yeah, it looks like there would be scraping involved.

And it would be, it just is unfortunately something it looks like it would be, it would be uncomfortable in practice. It's cool, but cool in theory. And the problem with a product like this, which may be why it's smart, can't really give it a test run, huh? You kind of got to go all in on that because you can't really be like, I tried it on my dick and I didn't like it. Can I have my $10,000 back? I mean, I will say that is the rule for, I think, all sex toys, though. I'm pretty sure none, I would assume most places don't accept a return. But most are not $10,000.

I think it's the price. $25,000. Oh, my God, I thought it was. $25,000. Oh, that's expensive. It also just, I don't want to be like what I would do with $25,000. But it's like, if you're considering getting a $25,000 cockering, can you just call me for a second? I'll show you pictures of my baby girl and just be like,

I'm going to put this towards like giving her a good life and like, you know what I mean? And then I'll show them so many options of like really good cock rings. Once, by the way, that vibrate and like light up and stuff, you'd be like being at a rave. You know what I mean? Instead of this kind of stuffy business man's, you know, American Psycho's idea of a nice cockering, you know, which is what this thing looks like. Yeah, dude. This thing looks, you know, like a fucking, you know, like a something, someone. And like Dune would use, you know what I mean?

And like the movies, right? Like the Paul Atreides would be rocking that thing. Oh, me, owlske's. And then Paul Atrade's pisses in the bottle. We all know what Paul Atreides does. No, I'm just kidding. No more piss emails. But I have a conspiracy and like it, here it goes.

Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Are all Jelenhall's klepto religious fanatics? Dun, dun, done, don't. Great. Even Maggie? I love a family. based conspiracy theory. This is a crazy story. It's really a two-parter, so you can weigh in on both things.

I mean, one is just a story about Maggie Gillenhall stealing a crock pot or something. And then the other one's this very crazy family history for the Jillen Halls that I had no idea about that is totally confirmed. All right, so let's get into it. Yeah, I'm just going to go and say, you believe, y'all. Here we go. This one comes in from Jacob, who writes, last week, you covered the brazen kleptomania of Jake Gyllenhaal. Well, now it was like three weeks ago. But the Jillen Hall is like because of all the piss emails. But the Jillenhall's life of crime does not stop at simple scarfs in Gertz. No, this is a family tradition possibly steeped in an odd family religion that they have managed to keep out of the public's eye. All right, so here's the first personal story about the

kleptomania. A very close friend of mine went to college with Maggie, I'm going to assume Jillenhall, and even ended up in an acting class together. For their final on the works of Chekhov, my friend decided to make Borsh for the class for a little extra credit. Maggie asked if she could get in on those sweet, sweet points. So instead of my friend presenting a large pot of borsh, Maggie did the honors, splitting credit, and after the class ended, in all caps, took the pot home. And never gave it back. What?

This was a large calphalon stock pot given to my friend by her grandmother. To this day, we cannot watch any Jillen Hall feature without screaming about Chekhov and that stockpot. Which, by the way, you know, I feel like you should write. a song about that, you know, I was in acting class with you. We did a scene, you know what I mean? You took my porched pot home and you still have it now. You know what I mean? To do the whole thing.

Yes, but why would you take the, why would you take the Borch? There's a couple of weirdnesses in the story. A, how did you guys like share credit? Like, how did Maggie get in on the points? I don't get that. Like, you guys acted like you made the Borch together. And how many points are you getting in an acting? class for making borsh, by the way. That seems odd.

And then on top of that, yeah, how would she even end up in this situation to take the pot home? I mean, it just seems very strange, you know? I mean, I'm cool take Luke this week. I'm not going to accuse your friend of being a filthy dog-like liar, all right? Whoa. But there's just weird points to the story. Now, this other thing has been confirmed fully. So I'm not going to poke holes at this. Even more strange is finding out that the Jillenhall line goes back to the founding of Swedenborgianism, which is a cult that was funded by the great-grandfather, Leonard Jillenhall,

the epicenter of which is in Bern-Athen, Pennsylvania. This church believes that the apocalypse happened in 1757. I know all of this because I have several friends that grew up in Bern-Athen, one a distant cousin of the famous siblings. This church holds a festival every year where they reenact the Book of Revelations with a pageant, Little kids act out events, including a mini-headed beast. It's like a giant red dragon. I mean, that sounds sick as shit.

It is very fun. And the stars falling from the sky. Imagine Little Maggie and Jake reenacting the breaking of the seven seals being bitten by the acting bug and told that the world had already ended. Primed, not just for the Silver Scream, but a life of apathy toward those who have already been condemned. To hell! I hope y'all find the time to do an even deeper dive on Burn Athen, as it is also host to

a bunch of Dr. Oz drama. Thank you so much for making every week a lot more fun and salacious. Be well and keep your keepsakes in your front pocket when near those crafty cultists. P.S., I've attached sources of the new church. If you want a rabbit hole and a video of the pageant from this year, the good stuff starts 1110. I scrubbed the video. And yeah, it's freaky-deean, man. There's a big dragon.

It's a bunch of little kids. Ending the world as like angels. It's real. It's crazy. Do you think that's how Jake Gyllenhall got? the lead role in the redo of Roadhouse? Do you think that he stole it from someone? Do you think that he did some sort of religious craft cult work?

To say that religious magic is not involved would be a fool's proclamation. Whoa. That's all I said. Yeah, we have to believe Borsht and all. I mean, the Borsh story is so weird. That just happens sometimes. It's more just like, I think it's more just like, that's not on you. bro, you got to be...

I mean, this is hot take hold him for a second. That's on you, dude. Like, you got to get your fucking... Why would you just let this person take your stockpot? When you're in college, though, when you're that young, like I feel like 35-year-old me, there's no fucking way.

Be like, no, no, no. I was given that, and or I paid good money for that. Hell no, I want that back. 18-year-old me. But how do you even end up? Why would... Maggie was like, can I... I'm going to take this.

Why? I'm just going to take it, And I'll give it back to you. Like, you know what I mean? It just doesn't make any sense why the stock pot would be taken. Or is it possible? At this point was like her brother already making waves, Donnie Darko style. So that maybe they did that in a way of like, oh, maybe I'll go get it back and maybe Jake will be there.

And then all of a sudden we'll kiss overboard. Sadly, I know for a fact that Maggie Gillen Hall was attempting to work as a professional actor and was supposed to be the one to like have a career. and then Jake got Dyni Darko and he was kind of like, I guess I'll try. You know, it was that brother-sist relationship where he was like, I guess I'll like whatever it or whatever. And then just like got Donnie Darko and became this like huge movie star first. And then Maggie, who was very upset for many years,

got her own career finally in her own right, but definitely was pretty pissed off about it. I am going to liken this to when I got my driver's license at the age of 16. I got it. I got my permit the day I turned 15. I got my license the day I turned 16. Henry waited until he was like 19 or 20 to get his driver's license, and he still was given a car, a shitty car, I will say,

but was given a car before I was given a car, and I was so mad about it. Red lights, stop signs, I still see your face. The white cars from a yard. Can't drive back the face. I just drive past Henry. Henry's house over and over again, and I scream the song. And I say, I still fucking hate you, brother.

Henry's like, it was a long time ago. It was a long time ago. I didn't have a band to play in the favoritism. All right, there you go. That's your celebrity conspiracy for the week. Thank you again. Was that gin? Thank you.

Thank you. That was great. And also now it's time for the list. Oh. Who's on the list? Jake, me. Got to have that list. It was from Jacob.

Jacob wrote in about that, not gin, which I just pulled out of my ass. Uh-oh. Thank you. Whoa. Whoa. Maybe it was Jacob who stole the stock pot trying to cast dispersions get ahead of it because he knows that that's going to be the next big news story. Jacob, you cast the dispersions right now?

Wow. That's very uncool-take, Luke, of you, Jacob. Jim Gillen Hall. Building a bit of ladder. There's a bit of a ladder. Here's a story about my sister, Maggie, stealing a crap butt. Because obviously, Jake Jillanall listens to the show. He was upset about our yogurt content from weeks ago, and he had to have a rebuck.

Yeah, and he's taking people go, where's the scoff? Where's the scoff? I'm going to guess I'm a millionaire. It's probably in a landfill somewhere. I definitely, like, moved from that house. Where's the scoff? just completely in a way that I told a bunch of movers

to just like maybe throw a bunch of stuff in boxes like I'm a crazy famous millionaire like I don't you know I don't keep track of dumb shit like that but anyways what's going on everywhere I'm the list Jackie It's actually kind of fun because this does weirdly tie into the teen movies

that we were talking about earlier these are the coolest behind the scene stories from nostalgic teen movies it all kind of comes full circle Don't it? I had no idea that Anthony Michael Hall helped Robert Downey Jr. land his role in weird science. To the actors in weird science. Do you remember, I loved weird science. Talk about a perfect relic of horny movie from a different age. This was our parents horny movie or really our older siblings horny movie. Yes. Yeah, the Gen X horny movies. And on this list, there are multiple

Gen X horny movies. But there's one millennial on here. Like, clueless that Alicia Silverstone really didn't know how to say the word Haitians. Silverstone had this script and she was doing her lines and as soon as I said cut. This is from Amy Heckerling. The script woman and everyone in the crew started to walk up to her and tell her the right pronunciation and I had to run interference

and go, step away from the actress, stand clear of Alicia Silverstone. I didn't want her to know that she had had it wrong. I wanted that assurance without her thinking this is funny or a joke. which changes how you say things. That's awesome. There's something you do when you're completely confident that just can't be replicated when you know you're doing something wrong. And Amy Heckerling was 100% right.

That's awesome. That's so funny, man. Oh, how perfect. Also, how perfect. Ralph Machio, in the scene in the karate kid, actually caught the fly with his chopsticks. Which, that is pretty insane. That's cool.

Machio said we went through five incarnations of how to figure out how to catch this fly. First, they had a big metal pipe frame, maybe a four-foot frame with a piece of fishing line and a plastic fly. And there were two crew guys off-camera going like motions how they held the frame. And I was going like this. And it just looked hideous. And the next thing, they were catching flies. Crew guys were catching flies and taking thin monofilament and fishing line and lassoing flies. Like putting them on a leash.

And so they said, just find the thing and go down to the fly. Well, I was decapitating like heads going here and there. So he was just catching flies out of the air, which is kind of beautiful. You know, I'm just so happy for Ralph Machio. I feel like he's had just such a blessed life. Oh, yeah. I love Kopra Kai. Oh, and he's just, I mean, and I love watching Kobra Kai.

I love that it's come full circle for him. And I just, I feel like you can feel his happiness through watching a normal guy. At least on Kobe Kai, he just seems like a normal guy. It's not something like somehow everyone involved in Karate Kid, or at least, you know, him and Johnny, like, just seemed like really great. It's just like a great, happy ending for a movie, which just almost never happens. Dude, and the show is also great.

I've been really, really enjoying it, but did, I would have also really enjoyed watching Vigo Mortensen cast as Jake Ryan in 16 Candles because Vigo Mortensen almost got the role opposite Molly Ringwald. And in the, like, for those that don't know, oftentimes, especially when you have to interact or have, like, a couple. thing, they test you, like to do like an actual, like, camera test with you to see how you guys interact and how your passion looks on screen, essentially. And in the audition, Vigo Mortensen gave Molly Ringwald a apparently heart arresting kiss.

Kit. He kissed her during the audition and almost gave her a heart attack. And that is, that's a bold move to do in a screen test. And I guess it was so bold He didn't get the role I'm looking at Young Vigo Mortensen And I I'm not I don't really feel it for him

And so I think that that was a one Yeah he didn't come out I mean was Lord of the Rings Really his first big thing Was that kind of what put him on the map? I genuinely well that was in 2001 So I don't know what he when his first movie was But like the thing that broke him

You know because yeah he definitely I don't remember him as a young actor You know like in anything but I'm sure he's in stuff. Apparently he was in a perfect murder. He was in Crimson Tide. I'm going to assume these are very, very small. Yeah, or like what throw away?

Exactly. Like, even Crimson Tide, like, who was it even in Crimson Tide? And what was Crimson Tide even about? You know, we know it existed. James Gandalfini was in Crimson Tide. Damn it. Well, he died. Like a Leapy and John and it all comes back around.

No, now that I'm looking at the pictures of Crimson Tide, I do remember Biko Morden said in Crimson Tide, but that was in 1995 and nobody gives a shit about Crimson Tide except for me thinking about James Gandalfini. But, last but not least, Keanu Reeves went to Stevie Nix's house to rehearse a dance scene that was cut from Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. Apparently, one of the scenes that didn't make it into the movie was a complicated dance routine performed by the boys while they waited for the bus. Even more interesting is the fact Reaves and co-star Alex Winter practiced their dance for this scene at Stevie Nix's private dance studio at her Arizona residence. According to Winter, the young actors were horrible dancers. So to pull off the scene, they rehearsed this number for weeks. And for weeks and weeks and because for some reason, Stevie Nix had a full ballet studio in her desert ranch house with a full ballet bar and mirrors and wood floors, literally the whole thing.

winter doesn't elaborate and why they couldn't have learned the dance somewhere other than Nix's home but still it's pretty cool that it happened Can you imagine working on something like that for weeks and then they still don't use it in the movie? I would be so pissed.

Or I guess they didn't even film it because then it's like come on you got to put that in this special that's got to be on YouTube or put on special features or something I mean that's too fun like why wouldn't you include that? It's way too much fun now I want to see the footage of it

especially of them in Stevie Nix's dance studio. Well, I can't see anything over here. That's right. I think I'm going. Blind. Items. Ah! I can't see them.

We got some blinds for you guys right now. It's the only thing I can see are these blinds. Oh, that's pretty cool. Check this out right the fuck up here. Speaking of split ups and end and innies and outies. Belly buttons? Yeah. We're talking belly buttons here.

The split announcement between the three-name rappers slash singer and the actress is imminent. Also, they both have belly buttons. Machine Gun Kelly. Yeah. What do you think? But their love is eternal. I definitely think there's been signs of struggle happening, you know what I mean, a little bit. Definitely some rumors of, like, having issues with, like, a potential pregnancy and stuff like that.

And obviously Machine Guy's been kind of acting really crazy when he smashed his, what did he do again? He like broke glass or something at an after party and broke his face. He's a little unwieldy, I would say. It's got to be an interesting situation. Yeah. Well, I watched the documentary about him and his daughter said that Megan Fox keeps him grounded.

So I hope it's not true, but... Sounds like he's about to fly away. It's definitely one of those where she was like, thank God for Megan because he's crazy. You know what I mean? So, yeah, which is funny, too, that Megan Fox, of all people would be the, like, grounded, stable one. You're grounding for us. Yeah, yeah.

But anyways, yes, good work, MJ. MJ 1 point, Jackie zero points. No. This permanent A-list actor is one of the goat. He also has a list of every celebrity slash actress he has slept with the past 60 years, and it is long enough for a book on its own. It doesn't include the fans and non-famous people, but does include hundreds of photos naked and close to naked,

and is going to be a coffee table book for the ages, which will be sold in very limited quantities. You're going to have to give us, you just said someone that's in their 60s. He's essentially what you've given us. He is known for his sex appeal, but also for his incredible acting, he has been a iconic villain.

He has been, in the... the Looney Bin. He has been... Marlon Brando? He has been... He's been riding easy. Oh, Looney bin, Jack Nicholson. Yes. One point for me.

There you go. Wow. One point for Jackie. I can't believe I... And the winner gets a free fuck weekend in the desert. Yeah. Cochring? It's crazy.

Oh, I won the $25,000 Cockering. Yes. You also get the $25,000. another cock ring or what's in this briefcase I'm holding up right now, which may include upwards of $57,000 million. Says the man sitting in the dark, soundproofed room. Okay. Jackie, come in here.

Jackie, come in here. Come on. I don't want to look inside of the briefcase. It's completely fine in here. It's totally fine. I hate it in there. You should definitely come in here. It's really cool.

No. There's money in here. There's a bunch of candy in here. Oh, well, I do like money and candy. That's a different story altogether. Yeah, there's a bunch of stuff in here. I think your wedding dress, I think, is in here. You should come in here.

Can I have it? Can I please try it on? I don't know. I need to get it. I need to try it on. You might have to come in here. So isn't that interesting. What if I describe about it?

And we'll make an album together. An album for the eight. And that's how we will control the youth of America. You're scary now. I know, I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you praying. So let's move on to the final blind. Strange hookups.

It's one of those. I love the Strange Hookups category. This is a strange hookup. The illiterate actress slash businesswoman and this A-list multiple Oscar-nominated character actor best known for playing outsiders, villains, and psychopaths. This was shortly after her divorce from her husband, who you all know.

Okay. So I'll start with the multiple Oscar. Wait, can you say it again? The illiterate actress slash business. That means the first letter of the name is the same. I always hate that one. It sounds like illiterate. The actress slash businesswoman and this A-list multiple, I would say actress is an interesting

word to use. Let's say reality star. And this A-list multiple Oscar-nominated actor, character actor, best known for playing outsiders, villains, psychopaths and starting Colts. This was shortly after her divorce from her husband, who you all know. So it's Kim Kardashian. So already MJ seems to have won the point. Damn it.

But who is the other guy? He's annoyingly a character actor. He's annoyingly method and he tried to start a cult or he's like. Jared Leto. Yes. Oh. Fuck. We're tied.

Jared Letto, we're tied. Jared Leto, we're tied. Jared Leto, we're tied. Wait, what was Kim Kardashian doing with Jared Letto? Fucking him? Yeah. Kim Kardashian and Jared Leto had a. strange hookup. There was some pictures of him with like her and the family at Paris Fashion Week.

That was like the article linked to. I could kind of see that. But I also, I would assume that Kim does not want to be controlled. And I would assume that that would never work for them. I've got to see the hook up, especially now that I know she does enjoy ghoulish. I was going to say, man. She got a type with Pete Davidson and Jared Leto. And I get it. For sure. And that type is ghoul. Yeah, like buggy. I love a bug-eyed, scrawny person who looks strung out.

But Jared Leto was much more attractive before I ever knew. Yeah, that's right. Your big horny movie from childhood was a bug's life, I believe, you said. No, but I was horny for him in my so-called life. Everybody loves. Yeah, Jordan Catalano. I view Jordan Catalano as a different entity from Jared Lano. Yeah, yeah, you got to.

Well, I mean, I feel like it's. pre-method and post-method is really the delineation, right? So once he went all method and shit, it got all... You can almost say that about Gaga as well. Like, pre-O-O-Sker-Bate-G-G-G-G-Ga and post-Oskar bait Gaga. You know what you mean? Yeah. I hope this fucking dumb-ass joker-2 thing is stupid as hell and ridiculous.

And I feel like it's not going to be. I feel like it's going to be a... We live in a society all over again. Serious. But I just really, really wanted to be so over-the-top and silly. and I hope that they both give us the most absurd performances of all time between Joaquin and Gagah. Well, there's your blinds.

How do we do a tiebreaker? First person is say the word turkey wins. Turkey. You guys really said that. It's my birthday this week. I win. It's my birthday I win. Okay.

Jackie can win. Otherwise, she's going to cry. I'm the bride. It's my birthday. These are the things I yell every hour of the hour. I'm the bride. It's my birthday. Very good.

Well, there you go. And I can see that it's your birthday because I can see again. We did it. We're done with the blinds. We're done with the show, sort of. Still got some shoutouts. Was it.

Was it. And thank you guys so much for hanging with us today. Much of little Mr. Cooper's out there. We were sad. We laughed. We screamed. We cried. And my name is Jackie Zabrowski. And you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm.

You can come hang out over on Twitch. TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. On Sundays and Tuesdays and Wednesdays and on Wednesdays, I've been playing The Sims of Our Lives, where I create all of LPN, and I'm slowly creating all of them, and then I've got to create all of their homes, and then I'm going to make us all have sex with each other

because I am a 14-year-old on the inside. I love it. Check me out. Twitch.com. TV 4 slash Holdenaders Ho. We've got Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams. I stream with Jackie on Fridays from 6 to 9 EST. That is Twitch.tv.tv.4. Slodonator's ho.

Thank you again to Jacob, who wrote in with the celebrity conspiracy theory. If you've got... Jacob Gillenall. Yeah, seriously. Or whatever, maybe with you, actually, because now I'm suspect. But if you want to send in more celebrity conspiracies, page 7 podcast at gmail.com, page the number 7 podcast at gmail.com for celebrity conspiracies, shoutouts and blind items. Please keep them coming. They're always greatly appreciated.

And last but not least, patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. I need to tell everybody, which I haven't even said on the podcast yet, that I have started putting out my weekly chapters from Ice Planet Barbarians. It is not for everybody. It is alien smut. I'm just letting you know we're doing an audiobook of alien smut. And I tell you what, the ways that the aliens on this planet greet a person is different than human. do on earth, I will say that, and maybe it has something to do with getting eaten out. I don't know.

You should have to hang out over on the Patreon. You'll find out. All right. And, yeah, what else we've got? Oh, oh, one more. We're very bad at saying these things. I know. I've got to start pumping this now.

It is free. We are doing karaoke. It is a meetup from six to nine PT at a place called Good Night in North Hollywood. It is going to be straight up. It's just for us to fucking hang out and have a blast. I'm so looking forward to this. Please, please join. It starts at six.

The drinking starts at six. The karaoke starts at seven. Be there, be there, be there. All right. And finally, last, last, last, but very not least. My name is MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. Damn straight you are. Y'all ready to sing the shout-out.

Yeah. Yeah. There it is. Shout. Shout. Shout. Shout. Let it all.

Let it all out. These are these are. the email that you wrote it about it. Come on. Come on. You're going to read under your cards. Thank you guys so incredibly much for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. That is page 7 podcast.

Page 7, the number podcast at gmail.com. I love reading everything you guys write in. And I always, always appreciate you taking the time to just send a hi. or just a bit or an article or whatever you want. But I especially love me. Some shoutouts. I love you guys so much. And here's to our first self-shout

to my almost birthday twin. Yes, please. Happy almost birthday, Emily. Emily writes, I'm writing in with a self-shout for my birthday. I'll be 31 on the 16th. Jackie, your book club coming back with Ice Planet Barbarians was the best birthday gift I could have ever.

asked for. Ruby Dixon has quickly become my favorite author after getting back into reading as my way of coping with being a health care worker in this never-ending Panini. I know you're a fellow monster fucker, Jackie, and you are in for a treat. All of us are, Emily. I'm so excited, and I'm so excited to be going on this adventure with all of you guys. Happy almost birthday, Emily! And speaking of Leo's season, we have an amazing message from Kyle to their partner, Jessica, another Leo Beauty. Kyle says, happy birthday, Jessica. I have cherished every single one of the last five years I've experienced by your side

and look forward to many, many more. Sidebar, I'm not going to start singing the last five years, but I want you all to know that I am inside of my brain, but I'll jump back in. There aren't enough people like you in the world, and your beautiful spirit teaches me something new every single day. You are resilient and optimistic, even in the face of challenges and struggles, and I admire everything about you. You are the love of my life, and I hope to never stop finding new ways to show you that. Hopefully one day I'll be able to speak to your soul that way that Jackie does, but until then, I guess this is the next best thing. You are beautiful and

smart and perfect in every way. And I'll love you till the end of time. Happy birthday. I hope it's the best one you've ever had. Love Kyle. Can I just say, Kyle, that I think that that does speak. I don't mean to speak for you, Jessica, but I think that does speak to her soul because that was such a beautiful thing to write to your partner. Oh my God, it gave me chills. Happy birthday, Jessica. You got yourself a good one. I'll continue. on with my love to love shoutouts because it fills my heart. And this amazing shout out goes from Nick to Alexandra Alexander, who married into the name and what an amazing name it is.

Alexandra, Alexander, love it. Nick says, I would love to give a shout out to my wife for our anniversary and her birthday. You guys already sort of know my beautiful, smart, and sexy wife, Alexander, Alexander. You may remember her from hounding you guys about watching Big Brother, or more recently, her sharing a story about her uncle saving a sinking ship from her fucking piss alarm. What a classic. Oh, I loved you, Alexandra, Alexander.

She's always been there for me and had my back, and I couldn't ask for a better best friend to spend my life with. This Wednesday, August 10th, is our three-year wedding, and it has been an incredible three years, and an even better almost 10 together. Her birthday is August 24th, so this is a dual-purpose shout-out. Happy early birthday, babe. Maggie and I love you! And Maggie is their dog. Thank you so much, Nick, for writing in about your love to Alexandra, and also, I was about

to just be so surprised that a Leo shared their Leo season with their wedding, but August 24th, that means you're a Cuspy Virgo baby. Happy Obos birthday, you beautiful Cusby Virgo, beautiful, gorgeous soul. So beautiful, it was so nice, I had to say it twice. And last but not least, we got an emergency shoutout, emergency emergency. This comes in from Alex. Alex says, I'm sending in this emergency shout out to my girlfriend Maddie, who just today became my extramarital partner of 10 years. This shoutout is urgent because this wonderful person finally got the vid for the first time, the day before our anniversary, and she's having a rough go of it.

Could Jack and it be the cure? We've had plans since winter to leave for a super special trip to Ireland in celebration and on top of all the things we're missing out on while quarantining. We're really worried about making the trip. I just needed y'all to give her a shout out because she is the most amazing person I've ever met. My entire raison d'etre, which I will say, Alex said that they had to look up how to spell it. And I had to look up how to say it, Alex, if it makes you feel any better. But I will continue.

And yes, Holden, she is far and away my best friend. But whatever! Who else could I scream with about Riverdale for actual hours? She's so caring to everyone she knows and so badass and strong at the same time. She's like if Archie had a brain and was less corny. Oh my God, Maddie, are you forged from iron? Hell yeah. Long time patron she is.

She's the one who showed me the network, which led us to traveling out of state just to hug you guys back in Madison. I've been thinking about how deserving she is for a shout-out for so long. And seeing as how I plan to pop the question on this trip, I figure now's the time. Who knows? I think you might like it. If you love, love, love my love for Maddie, and I definitely love, love, and I love your love, Alex. Oh, I'm putting all of the good energy I can out to you, Alex, and Maddie, so that you guys can be well and go on your trip so you can put a ring on this amazing human being. being, I'm so happy for you both. I'm saying Mazel already. Love you guys so much. And you guys are

going to go on this trip. I can feel it. I love you guys so much. Thank you for writing in to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. It fills my heart with joy. It fills my face with smiles. It's all thanks to y'all. Love you guys. We will be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like Thank you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.