Page 7 - Ep. 464: I'm Sorry I Talked About Queen Elizabeth's Clitoral Stimulation

Episode Date: September 15, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout corn, the death of The Queen, the restoration of The Muppet Christmas Carol, the Little Mermaid remake casting showing racism is still alive, Disney casting Josh Groban as Beast for an upcoming Beauty and the Beast special on ABC, the 2022 Emmy's, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner;  Liam Neeson Pees His Pants!? Plus THE LIST! BLINDZ and SHOUUUUUTZ! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yes, it has been in my head for weeks, and yes, now I am going to re-put it back into your head because it's Jackie! She's a big lump with knobs. She's got the juice. She's got the juke. It's like the corn song. You both are looking. Do you not know this song? She's got the juice?

Where have you both been? Where do you live? Have you not seen the viral corn boy? I've seen the cornball. That's the song. Oh, okay. What is it again? There's a song.

It's con. It's a big lump with knobs. It has a juice. It has a juice. I can't imagine a more beautiful thing. I can't believe it is not in every second of your feed. I hear it 20 times a day. More beautiful thing.

My relationship with the corn. Wait, wait. He loves the corn. I appreciate him. What are we talking about? I saw the video. I moved along after that. I have not continued.

to engage with the corn content time. They took the video. They turned it into a song. The song has gone viral. The song is now on Spotify. It is just like they made a remix of the song because there's these, uh, these dudes called the Gregory brothers that take viral clips and make them into songs. And then they made this one into a song. So now it's all over TikTok. I've, I've succumb. I've now in TikTok. Yeah, you are taught you're fully in the TikTok. Yes. I have to stay abreast. This is a big part of the viral love. We're over on Twitter. MJ and I were over on Twitter. Yeah, we're on different apps. You're in his DMs. I'm in his, yeah, like you're in the, you're in the TikTok with the young people. I'm on Twitter with the angry people. Yeah, we're in Twitter with the like angry, yeah.

I'm a big lump with knob. That's why get off there. Come over to TikTok. No, but they're also very funny. The tweets, so this is the thing. Twitter is a terrible place except that so many tweets are so good and funny. Funny. You know?

You guys send them to me. See, this is where it works out. Yeah, I have fully embraced my role as like the uncle of page seven who just sends article, you know, the uncle who always sends like a, my father-in-law who will cut out. My father-in-law still will either cut out from the actual newspaper or will print out the article from the newspaper's website, fold it, put it into an actual envelope, and then mail it to Gideon, you know, if it's an individual. And it's never an article about the law.

It's always an article about whales or something. You know, just any interesting article, that's me, but with tweets. Any good tweet that is relevant to our interests, I send it. And I used to be like, oh, they don't want all the tweets that I think are funny. And now I'm just like, I don't care if they do or not. I'm sending it. I'm sending you my favorite tweets throughout the day. It's what I do.

And, of course, one of my favorites, MJ that you sent, the cover of I'm glad my mom died with Prince Charles in place of Jake. See? The tweets are good. the Spirit Halloween banner over the Buckingham Palace. Yes. Oh, and with his, King Charles's sausage fingers. Just all of the pictures of just the sausage fingers.

Is that just an ailment, right? There's something going on there. What, big fingers? I got big fingers. Weird chub. It looks like they're balloons hands. It looks like he's been wearing a hair tie for like 60 years. Right.

You know, on his wrist. Maybe it's just his fist clenching all these years waiting for that woman to die, his own mother. Yeah, it's, it's gotta be tough to have to wait your entire life to be king, and then you only get to be king when your mother is dead. And now, yeah, he's like 73. He doesn't, yeah, dude. Oh, my God, all the good, all the good king years.

But isn't it way better to be the prince, I feel like, you just get to fuck off. Yeah, oh, yes. You know, suck off, you get to suck a bunch of, you know what I mean? I've not had a particularly great time with it, but I think that he's just a bit of a sour puss. He didn't have a lot of fun. I know, they're all like, this is the thing. We had a little pre-show talk about how much shit we can, how hard we can dump on the royalty.

Some people oddly, you know, it's especially glaring to me when a wedding happens to the royal family and all of a sudden everyone like cares. And I'm like, what? Why? They're just, they didn't even do anything. Same thing like the World Cup, man. when everyone's like, now everyone's a football fan. Well, you know, at least the football players have to have some level of skill to be football players.

You know what I mean? Yeah. To be soccer players. But, you know, and Beyonce, like our royalty is they fucking are so talented. They had to work their asses off. Even, God forbid, the president has to, like, work hard to become the president. They don't just, like, be the president. But what about the Kardashians?

How do you feel about the Kardashians that technically don't do anything but are American royalty? That's a true. But that's a trigger one, but they actually, you know, when you dig into that, they do a lot. Or at least their PR team should be held up as royalty. Yes. I would say, but I said, but even actually Trump, I just want to clarify, he sucks, but he's screamed a lot into a microphone in a lot of cities for a, you know what I mean? Right. He was a workaholic in his own way.

Yeah. He's a psycho speed freak that got, you know, went on a real heavy road tour, is all I'm going to give them credit for. But you know what I mean? But they had to fucking do something. These people just sit around and then all of a sudden we're all expected to be like, ooh! And like go out on the flock to the streets. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just so funny to me. So I just, I'll never, I'll just say I'll never understand it at the end of the day. And then, of course, the atrocities and everything, whatever. Jackie, you said you had a little spiel to read from Jeff about the horrors of the queen. Well, you know, here's the thing. I looked at Jeff because

I'm going to be very open and honest with you guys. I looked at Jeff when QE2 died and I was like, she's bad though, right? And he's like, yes, Jackie. She's very bad. He's like, you never learned about like the colonialism. You never learned about like how it works. I was like, honestly,

I didn't. No, we didn't learn this in school. I cannot emphasize. And you didn't learn anything about it. No little we learned history in K to 12 schools. We got to World War I and then stopped in my experience. I didn't ever learn about what happened with England and Ireland. I just want to say real quick, for the people getting a little upset right now, also, she looks so cute with those little corgis.

Yes. Oh my God. She looks horrible at those corgis. Okay, we're not taking that away from you. And we do know that British people are very sad. And if you are a British person sad, we want to give you space. We are going to, that said, we are going to. We're going to poke a bit of fun.

Enjoy your comp. We got to poke a bit of fun at the Dead Queen. And I hope that it is not too upsetting for you. An elevator is a lift. An apartment is a flat. We get it. We're going to respect that. We're going to respect how silly that is.

You know what I mean? She was your collective grandmother. Some people prayed to her instead of to God. Again, I don't understand it. But I want to hold space for you people. You know, sometimes grandma is responsible with the death of 90,000 Kenyans. The son never sets on grandma's house.

Both can be true. Both can be true. I mean, you know. I just think similar to like what you had said, MJ, about how a lot of people's history lessons stopped at World War I. I had this like intensive. I talked about this on Roundtable years ago. I had an intensive history teacher in my high school that I took these higher level

classes with. And he was really into trying to break our American brain. from what American history is usually taught. So we were, we learned a lot about, like, how awful Stalin was. And I kind of got weirdly obsessed with Stalin because, like, we weren't really taught about how evil Stalin was because he's on the side of the him. Well, I wanted to have sex with him.

But also, ah, that's the United States. That's Stalin. You aren't really, like my story with her warnings. Yes, he looked great with his mustache. He looked great with the cigars, okay? Really obsessed with Pamela Anderson when she was helping Julius, Julina Sange through his legal troubles. He was horrible, but he just looked so good of those military uniforms.

It's not my fault that my loins paid attention. We ever thought about fucking the queen or no? No, no, especially, although I would with... Young queen. By the person in the Kroen. And I learned so much about what was going on with the Allied powers and the Kroen. and the crown. And I feel like I knew so much more about QE2

because I watched the crown. And Jeff was like, don't you. She's like, Jackie, that is, it's a television show that told you what it made the story better. And also the royal family loved the crown, I think. I'm not totally. No, no, they didn't like it. Okay.

They don't want anyone talking about them. Well, they're not put in a great light. I mean, I definitely think they didn't like the princess. At least I know the princess dies stuff. Okay, all right. I retract. I thought that, but okay, so I guess the crown. It is a, it is a, I feel like I learned a lot from the crown, but it also, it's not like the, it's, it's not super harsh on the family either.

Right. It's not, it's still a skewed version of what's going on to, like, create a great drama because you want to keep watching them. If they were just portrayed as just brutal and evil people that created many genocides, I think that people wouldn't care as much about it. But what I love about Jeff so much is that he is, um, he's a sponge. for history and he's so good at explaining things to me. That's why I asked him just point blank. I'm like, why is she bad? Like, what is bad about her?

And my favorite, he wrote out a bulleted list for me for the show, which I'm not going to go through all of it, but it starts with why the queen and her family sucks ass. QE2, devoted cousin to her husband, and a mother of at least one pedophile is dead and good riddance. She, and by extension, the rest of the royal family are soulless ghouls who have no place in the modern world. But why are they such huge pieces of shit?

And there are bullet points underneath. Definitely going through multiple genocides and colonialism. He even said, we can't get into the histories of Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, British, West Indies, Sri Lanka, Hong Kong, Singapore, Egypt, Kenya, Nigeria, transatlantic slave trade. Not to mention the United States and the ramifications of unleashing our fucked up. mess on the world. We're going to skip past the countless atrocities committed as a consequence of their empire, like the Mao, Mao, Mao, Mao rebellion in Kenya, which saw 90,000, it's a lot of

Mao's. 90,000 Kenyans executed and tortured, not even going to dig into the fact that the population of Ireland didn't return to its pre-potato famine population until the 21st century, or that there's a soul-crushing Wikipedia entry titled, Timeline of Major Famines in India during British rule that spans nearly two centuries. That's just one of the paragraphs from Jeff talking extensively about, and I was like, but at the end of the day, sorry, this is not a history podcast. I'm not going to, I'm not going to bore you

with some of these other things. At the end of the day. Kim Kardashian's ass, am I right? She's got a big ass. The big ass. She's got a big, I know. I just, I wanted to just like throw it out there that I don't, didn't know about a lot of this stuff,

and I'm glad that I'm learning about these things now. And I was like, but I watched the crown, and she got in so young. So is she really to blame for all of these things? And then the crowd's like, the queen's job is not to dilly-dally in the deaths of the mid, but do instead just be. You know, it's pretty good as a heart and soul of the nation.

Yeah, yeah. And it's like, I get it, But at the same time, you're just kind of like, yeah, but, you know, also fuck yourself. But also, she could have stopped it. Or she could have stopped something. Or all this to say, I think, all this to say, I'm not up in arms against, like, it's funny. You talk to people like Jeff, some people, you know. Well, Jeff wasn't up in arms.

I only asked him the question because, like, I didn't know the answer. Then not, Jeff, but other people I've talked to who, like, have a visceral reaction to the monarchy. Like, I don't, I'm not there with it. but we get to make fun. We get to make fun. And also, if you want to feel weird and sad about the corgi lady, the grandma person, go for it. You know what I mean? But also, but, you know, some people feel sad about their grandmother died and she might

have been a little racist against Mexicans, you know what I mean? She might have been a little, a little, Clinton, you know, when the border gets talked to, we don't really talk about the border around grandma. And, you know, and at the same time... She was also 96 years old. She was 96 and she died and we can still remember the funny thing she said at lunch that one after night. Yeah, isn't it so funny how GUE too, I remember that she doesn't like onions so she wouldn't allow onions in the home or in the palace. You can also remember just the fun things she said about Princess Diana's mental health and suicide attempts.

Oh, yes. Or Princess Diana when she was working for, on AIDS advocacy. And QE2 said, why don't you get involved with something more pleasant? Thanks, QE2. Yeah, we should get something more pleasant. Thanks, Grandma. But we laugh at our, I mean, we do laugh at our elders in those ways for some of those fucked up things. You know what I mean?

And it happens. And people get older and, you know, our hands get fatter, I guess. Oh, those sausage fingers. I just don't, I think that it's, I think that, yes, like I, I, I, I, We want to say that like... You guys better, if I ever have fat hands, you guys got to tell me, all right. Holden, I'm glad you brought it up because today's a day, this is actually an intervention. Your hands are too fat.

I cannot even look at them anymore. Oh my God, they're jacking. I can't, you can't wear your rings. I look like I'm wearing Mario gloves right now. It's ridiculous. You know, I think, I actually feel like the death of the queen has been a cool learning opportunity to talk about colonialism. Yes, so that's what I'm saying. I had never thought about the phrase,

The Sun never sets on the British Empire. And then when I thought about it, I was like, oh, it's because they colonized the entire world. Yeah. That is why. Like, and, you know, and I had, you know, watched the crowd. I listened to the You're Wrong About series on Princess Diana, which is a great, like, deep dive into, you know, what we know about her and her relationship with the royal family. And, you know, I just think that, like, to be like, oh, well, she was just a little queen.

What could she have done about, oh, the British Empire was sunseting by the time she, her dainty little queen became the dainty little queen. And it's like, okay, well, let's, we should, we should, we can, if you want to grieve the queen, okay, but we could also acknowledge that she was literally the figurehead for the most violent, like, you know, expansionist, colonial, imperial power for like most of global history, most of, at least recent. But she loved corgis, the cutest.

She did love corgis. She did. They're so cute. Yes, like you said, she's the literal figurehead. She is the person to blame. She is the only, only God is above her. We learned about it in the crown. Let me ask you this, though.

Let me ask you this. Okay, Elizabeth steps out. She's like 40-something. Let's jump back to then. Shaved head. She's like, fuck all you motherfuckers. We're burning this whole thing down. None of these atrocities.

We're going all the way, baby. Like, you know what I mean? She's like, we're going to start introducing all this shit. How immediately would she not be shut down by the real powers that be that actually, you know what I mean? By the like actual hands that move the chest pieces. You know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean? Like, bro.

I think there's just no reason to believe that she didn't believe it all. of it, right? Like, I think, and we, and what's cool about, I think, Diana is like, and obviously she wasn't born into the royal family, but I feel like there are these little glimpses, and another cool thing about the crown is it shows you these little glimpses where there's cracks in the facade, or, you know, her father, or her uncle, I guess, who abdicated the throne. Like, there's people who were like, ah, for whatever reason, I'm not into this. And so I feel like agree that she was just like a little lady who inherited a country unexpectedly. But also I don't think that we can be like, oh, well, it was all kind of beyond her.

Because again, it did. She was like literally very powerful. I think the stuff that's insulting to me is more like the way the family shuns their own. And if they're not like pitch perfect, I hate all that stuff. Like the neurodivergent members of family that they would just take and hide away. pretend like they didn't exist. All that shit. Or the people who had to be completely cut out

just because they got a du-da-da-d-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- All of that stuff makes me nuts. But don't worry. I hate social shit like that makes me so... Like the opposite of acceptance in a social setting pisses me off. Oh yeah, don't even get into the racism of the fucking whole monarchy in general.

But they're tiny little dogs and they're poofy and fluffy and the corgis for life. We love the corgis. We love the corgis. We love Megan Markle. We stand the fact that Harry and Megan stand very close to each other, but Will and Kate stand very far away from each other.

They totally don't stand next to each other. They don't like each other. So that's what we should be doing. Watch the four episodes that are available of Wanna Marry Harry, and we'll just go back to when we all want to marry Harry still, and we watch the, TikToks, and we know that they do stand close to each other because there's many people that

read the body language of the monarchy that are on the TikToks. And don't worry, they made sure to tell it to the bees because of the ancient tradition that you must go and tell the queen's bees that they have a new master or mistress. Was that to the tune of let's hear it for the boys? Yes, it certainly was. Hell yeah, I nailed it. We should do like a game show. You replay songs and different lyrics. Let's tell it to the bees.

Yeah, I love that. So they went and they draped the hives, the queen's bees. I didn't even know she had beans. Oh, she got bees. And now they've got black ribbons. Slaves. You don't think she has bees? I mean, come on.

I do she had corgis. I do she had a staff. Men, men in a basement. Yeah, yeah. And bees. Yeah, and bees. I didn't know about the bees. Free the bees, I say.

Should we liberate the bees? No, I think it's good to have the bees because the honey's good for lots of things. And, like, that's their home. Yeah, they're not being kept against their will. Because honestly, they think they will evacuate if they don't want to be there anymore. B, come on. Don't want to be there anymore, guys, we told the bees. Come on, that's low hanging.

Yeah. That's me licking the low. It doesn't be licking the low hanging on. Don't hang it too low because her tongue can get to it. So, yeah, we learned a lot about QE2 because it turns out when a queen dies, it takes over all of pop culture news except for a really great article that squeezed in under the radar about the fact that we are finally getting the full, proper, true. version of Muppet Christmas Carol on Disney plus and everyone is tagging.

Everyone is tagging me in it just like they tag me in their crock content. You would think all I could think about is Jackie when that dropped, but all I can think about was M.J. And just the fear. Oh my God. And the future was forever. So my question is, is that going to be the definitive version? Are they going to be like, here's Muppet Christmas Carol?

Here's Muppet Christmas Carol. like bonus plus or whatever. You know what I mean? Are they not both versions or is it just going to, are we just getting, are they finally acknowledging. They're writing a historical wrong. They are right.

Much like acknowledging the imperialism of the British Empire. They are writing the historical wrong of taking out the song. Because yes, you can always fast forward. It's true. You can't edit our history. Damn it.

And I know, I believe me, in addition to the, and I love it, people tag me in things, especially things that I hate. So please keep doing it. But in addition to the people who I've seen tagging this because they know that we care about it, I have seen unrelated, a disturbing amount of people who, I don't even know if they listen to our show, but who have posted this article to be like, this is such great

news. That was always my favorite song. So I guess they're out there. Besides Jackie, they're out there. Who are happy. It's more about the emotional relevance of the song as it pertains to the arc of the one. character Ebenezer Scrooge in Muppets Christmas Carol. Without that song is a pivotal, pivotal, I mean, I always say pivotable.

It's the fulcrum. It's the apex. It's the claw. Yeah, man. Because otherwise we don't know why he's so sad. You don't think it's enough to just see that scene where I love that. Also, when they take it out, they don't replace it with anything. They just, yeah, just ended it.

You did once. And then I just don't think we need a whole extremely serious song in the middle of a Muppet movie. but maybe that's, maybe I'm the one who's out of touch. And especially because it's Jeffrey Katzenberg, the dude that made Quibi who cut, who cut the song from the full, he did so many more things. The Muppet Christmas Carre, don't.

That's all he did. That's all he did. Also refers to it. I love how they villainized him. I don't know what they. Villanized him completely. I love they even said he even came close to cutting part of your world from the Little Mermaid.

That is honestly fucking crazy, I will say. Yeah, that song, even though I also don't like that song, I will admit it is essential to the plot. Wait, pause the tape. Why don't you like that song? MJ, it is where we... Part of your verge. I'm sorry. I'm already worried that everyone's going to hate me

for not liking the queen, but now I'm going to say something that... All right. Now, I am going to say something else that... Wow, hot take, MJ. I love haptic MJ. Lay it in on a chandelier. You get the DMs this week and not this guy. This is, all right.

No carbon footprints for holding every year. I will admit that I'm almost certainly wrong about this and it's almost certainly a holdover from when I was a child hater. Like, not a hater of children, but a hater who is also a child. I hated the Little Mermaid. I watched it a lot, but I just like grew. Well, it was unavoidable during the time that we were. we were growing up. Did you guys not have the thing where every single person who auditioned for every talent

show that you ever had to watch? Sung, part of your world. Not part of your world, but the other one. Look at this stuff. Isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my connection is complete? What do you call it? Fork or whatever.

I just can't stand that shit. It makes you want to be dead. I love that song so much. I love that you need it. I love that song Feet I love you It's so good

That's a classic That Disney has ever put out I know I told you I'm wrong When it's When it's done by I love you so much When it's done by

I did what what Disney songs Do you do a musical number two Is a kid we did be my guest At the Children's Theater That I took I did a full dance routine and to be my guest. I did, well, I did musicals recently with my own students, and we did, I found some of the,

what's the one, the fun one from Aladdin where he's, like, running away? Like, that's fun, you know, I feel like you got to. One sump, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. These guys don't know what they're asking for. I'm running away, it says. I'm running away now. Yeah.

Like, I feel like there are fun songs in there. I just, I think it was just. I was too oversaturated with part of your world and the fork one. The fucking whatever, what do you call it, a fork? The fork one. And so I just, it was just what every kid saying at every talent show audition. Be our guest, great, you know. What were, I mean, obviously, Circle of Life.

You just love big dance numbers. Classes. I love big dance. And you hate children singing. Doesn't the little mermaid have a bit of children singing vibes to you? No. No. I saw what King.

King of the Lions is going to fuck tonight. Was one of my favorite ones. I love fuck tonight. Fuck tonight. I'm the king of the lion's going to fuck the night. Yeah, I love that song. I stick my lion dick inside of some chick. I cannot wait.

Will I fuck a dog? Will I fuck a monkey? Will I fuck a chihuahua? You know what I mean? He goes on and I will I fuck a snake? Will I fuck the chihuahuas in the jungle? Yeah, a couple I think. Oh, yeah.

You got a couple of them. Also, if it was ever one. Jeffrey Katzenberg, we wouldn't have Shrek, Jackie. Oh, oh, great. You know about that, put that in your pipe. Oh, thank God. You know, Connie.

Do you hate Shrek? I don't think I'd give a shit about Shrek. That was definitely in my time period where I did not give a shit. Well, we watched it finally, right? We did a group watch of it for a stream. We did a group watch of it. And it was fine.

It was funny, I guess. I just, if you had to rank, if you had to draw me a map of Little Mermaid and Shrek in terms of where they fall in your favor. Oh, I wanted to be the Little Mermaid and I wanted to be with Prince Eric. So that was a big one for me. I would say more of a Shrek guy as a kid

because I liked, I didn't like musicals as a kid. Because you like Smash Mouth? I only now like musicals, yeah. All I'd had of a Smash Mouth fan. So I'd probably say Shrek when I was young, but now Little Mermaid with a Bulleroyed I mean, it's a wonder, if you haven't rewatched it, it is... Does that mean Little Mermaid's coming in with a Glock?

Yeah, for a second, I thought you were suggesting that the new Little Mermaid movie like somehow involved bullets, but you're saying that... Mix over with Rambo. It's Rambo, it's Rambo, Little Mermaid. Yeah, it's called the Big Mermaid. She comes in, she's got a big fat gun. If I don't get to play the Big Mermaid, Lion King, suck of my dirty gun, he's just like, but I wanted to fuck tonight.

And she's like, oh, yeah, you're gonna fuck this gun. And he ends up fucking the gun, and then she pulls the trigger and blows his dick off. This is all because of QE2. This is because of QE2. It's that scene from Robocop or whatever, where he gets his dick shot off. And that's how we got to that today. So there you go. I'm glad, man.

It's because QE2 did it. QE2 did this to us. Wolfman's got Nards. So are you guys, are you like, are you like grownups who are very excited on a personal emotional level for the new Little Mermaid then? No. I don't... Well, you know, it's that funny thing where now I care because so much racists online are making a stink

about the fact that she's black or whatever. And now I'm like, well, then you're going to get me to go see it, you fucking idiot. Now I love it, yeah. And there are cute, really cute reaction videos of little black girls watching the trailer and being like, oh my God, she's black. Yes, and I love that.

I just did, I think it just came out this week. My episode with Ed for Wizard on the history of Splash Mountain, they're just changing it. They're just changing it now. It's coming out. It still hasn't come out yet.

I think it's this year next year where it's going to be Princess and the Frog themed as opposed to the insanely racist song of the South, which if you, at first it was like, oh, there's probably like a musical number or something that people point to know. It's the whole movie.

The whole movie is just horrifically racist. And so, yeah, it's kind of amazing that we're where we're at with all. all that. But yeah, it reminds me of when Angels in America came to Charlotte and there were all these protests and wouldn't you know, they had to extend the run that was so sold out. So keep screaming idiots because it's just going to make Disney another fucking $8 million. That's the things I do want to see Queen Latifah as Ursula though.

Yeah. That is something that, but John Stamos is playing Chef Louis. So I don't know if I can't wait. We've already seen his performance of that. Did we? Didn't he do it in the live? Little Mermaid thing that they did. Didn't he do a live performance?

Oh my God, that's right? With the flounder, right? Yes, with the flounder. Yes, yes, yes. That's that version of it. Okay, I'm digging a... That's the other live action version of it. So this is going to be a live action movie of it.

Yes. When you say live action before, you're talking about one of the ABC live musicals live on prime time. That's the one with Queen Latifah that I was just like, I looked at it. I was like, no, I did watch this. And you know what? It was unfortunately, completely forgettable.

Melissa McCarthy is Ursula. In the new one? In this one. Oh, okay. Yes. I wish it was Queen Latifah. I want Queen Latifah to get a better shot at it. Yeah, that sucks.

That sucks. Yes, then that one, the member of the flounder? All these images just came back to be of how horrendous the fall. Oh, yeah. That era of them doing live musicals on primetime, that was, what a terrific train that was. I mean, we love it.

And by the way, it is insane. Oh, Chef Louis is going to be a rumored to be Lynn Manuel Miranda. Actually. But I would say,

you know, someone tweeted this. I think it's really obvious. It's like, I forget the exact tweet, but it was like, it's hilarious that people are like

concerned about the color of a mermaid. Oh, yeah. Like, what are you fucking talking about? Mermaid, bro. Like, it can be whatever. It could be any,

you know what I mean? It's just not a cultural thing here. It does not need to be, you know, white redhead. I'm sure we'll get back there. We'll get Amy Adams in there. You know what I mean? She'll fucking stir it up. Old mermaid.

I want old mermaid next. It's old made. It's just like a, it's just like a weird adaptation of the card game, old maid. Oh my God. the phone, Javier Bardem is playing King Triton. Yes, dude. Okay. Ooh, goosh, goosh.

This is my problem. Now that I always thought that I wanted to have sex with Prince Eric, but now I realize I always wanted to have sex with King Triton. King Triton. He's the old. Mamma Mia. He's an OG daddy. He's like, I think, one of the first original daddies.

Oh, wait, your mention of Lin-Manuel Miranda also reminded me of another very funny thing that happened after the Queen Dad, which was both the musical layman. and the musical Hamilton putting out statements about their how sad they were about the death of the queen and then everybody being like, excuse me, do you know what either of these musicals is about? I can't wait for Lynn Manuel Miranda to come out and be like,

mermaid, she's coming from the seat to the land. She's got no feet, but she's got hands. Mermaid. She's coming straight to the island of New York. Mermaid. What is that for?

So we here at Lamez, We respect the monarchy here at the musical Lae Mizz. We are sad to hear about the death of the queen. Yes, it is a musical about revolution, people. So funny. I know that you got, I feel like, I don't know if you guys care about this article that included, if we're talking about the Disney movies and the castes of these things that we are probably going to watch,

how do you guys feel about John? Grobin being cast as the beast and beauty and the beast. I was like, wasn't there another piece of live action Disney shit that we were meant to talk about? Thank you, Jackie. Yes, man. I had a great, a dear friend in high school who was so into Josh Groban and I feel like I've seen so much of Josh Groban and every time I'm like, what is happening here? Like I was just about to ask like, what is he from? Like, I don't think he's an opera singer.

If I can call on mountains, you raise me up. Okay, Josh Grobin. If you had a lot of vocalist friends in high school, as I did, they love Josh Grobin. Yes. Gotcha. He was like a hot opera singer. Crazy good voice. Yeah, I don't, hot is an interesting word.

To them, to certain people, he's got it. And I don't, and you know, I am horny as the. day is long. And there is something about... You're dripping. I just like, I'm watching vagina juice somehow drip off the top of it. I don't even know where I got up there. Maybe I'm a mermaid or maybe I'm just covered in my own viscous slap.

I don't know. But it goes away when you think about Josh Grobin. Dried up. So dry for Josh Grobin. And you know as resident monster fucker here on page seven, I am desperately upset because you know what? I need a reimagining of. ABC, I want to reimagining of the human version of the beast at the end of the beauty and the

beast because he was way hotter as the beast than he was as a human. We all know that that's true. So give me somebody hot as shit. Let's get back to the Ron Perlman. I'd rather have Rod Perlman. Yeah, it is one of those things where unfortunately it's very well cast in the sense that like Josh Grobin is just like a fine, handsome man. And like the prince at the end, uh, when he gets unbeasted is like, oh, you're just like a, like a fine.

I guess if you like were to make, ask somebody a sketch artist to be like, make a sketch of somebody who's like classically handsome. Not even though. Like Josh Grubin is just, he looks like a choir kid. He's like the hottest kid in choir. That's the thing. Yes. And I say this has a choir kid. All my best friends were choir kids.

We had a great time. But Josh Gromans' vibes are, oh, don't you wish he was in my choir, you know? No, he just makes, yes, exactly. He makes me think of the boy that, you know, that did, I always wanted to bang the Javert, but I think that, like, he would play Marius. And that's great. Some people want to bang a Marius. Yes, I'm making Les Mis references right now.

But I never want to bang a Marius. He's a Marius. He's not a Javert. And I want to Javier. I don't want to marry. Javier. Jackie, what is wrong with you? I want to speak a Marius.

Specifically, in high school, there was a dude that played Javert in one of the competing dramatic high school teams, like troops, that I was in love with. And then he played Javert and I was so against myself because I was like, but I can't be in love with Javert. He's the bad guy. My like sad theater brain was just like, what do I do? I lust for the one that plays the one I cannot have, even though he did not know me. He does not know still that I exist. And I was so in love with him.

Wait, if there were any boys who played Javier in South Florida, local speech contests or whatever, please come. No, this was at States, MJ. This was big. So we're casting a wide net. anybody who played Jevier in the state of Florida in the early 2000s. I think I have a crush on you. We have to do this before I get married.

I'm sorry, Jeff. We got to see each other before I get married. Yeah, you know, Le Miz is tough because you don't really lust after Jean Valjean, too old, too hairy, too sad. Yes. Too old, too hairy, too sad. And then Marius is too much of a little boy. So it's tricky.

It's really hard. Yeah, it's not the horniest of shows. Surprisingly. All the starving and dying. Also, real photo killer. The dying child, the child who dies in a war. But I do want you to know, MJ, when we were talking about the Disney shows earlier,

and you said, oh, the live action shows they used to do, this Beauty and the Beast is a live action on ABC Beauty and the Beast on December 19th. Fantastic. I guess I have to watch it. We have to. We have to. We have to.

Watch long. Watch long. I love that like network, like cable TV, like network shows are just dying. Like, I don't even, I was trying to watch something on ABC the other night. And I was like, I literally don't know how to do this without having to pay all the money, all my money to, to, oh, it was the VMA? No, whatever the fuck it was. It must have been an award show and I don't have cable anymore. Was it the Emmys?

Maybe the Emmys were on a Monday night this week. We have gone 38 minutes, zero mention of the Emmys. That is how nonplussed we were with you. Of course, we also missed the passing of the Queen last week, so we did have to. That happened. That dropped, you know, not long after our episode. So we had to get into it.

But yeah, the Emmys, um, congrats Lizzo. Congrats Jennifer Coolidge. Oh my God. I just love Jennifer Cool. I can't believe White Lotus came out last year. I feel like White Lotus came out eight years ago, but whatever. This is what we were talking about. I can't believe Squid Games is a part of these Emmys.

Where did this year go? What happened? Or was it 20 years ago, you know? Right. Who knows? But, I mean, when is the Emmys that intro? We were talking about like, God, the Emmys were borough this year. But I feel like, when is the Emmys actually ever, when are people like, wow, a guy got

slapped at the Emmys, you know what I mean? No, the Emmys is always the saddest because it just doesn't, like, it's not, like, it's, it's not the Golden Globes where everybody gets drunk and messy. It's not the Oscars where everybody, like, you know, cares about movies and only theater people watch the Tonys. And so the Emmys is just like, everyone cares about TV yet just nobody cares. I don't think what awards went. You know, it's weird with the Emmys.

The Emmys is the one show where, like, my friends are there. Yes. Yeah, that too. Which is cool. Congrats to Jordan Temple, who was nominated for what, Abbott Elementary. Abbot Elementary cleaned up. And I haven't watched it, but it appears to be an amazing show. So congrats to them.

And Atlanta. My buddy Jordan's having a huge year, which is awesome. But yeah, that's the weird thing about the Emmys is like, oh, they got, oh, cool. That's good for them. They're doing well. I know I'm so happy for Lee Jung Jay, who won the outstanding drama series. I guess the, I don't know if he won Outstanding Lead Actor and Drama,

which is so happy for him, but again, I can't believe that Squid Game wasn't a part of last year's Emmys, but I don't know one the cutoff is or like when it begins. Yeah, but that's right. Is it already begun for next year's Emmys? Yeah, I think it's everything

it comes out in a year would then get, that's maybe why, because it's in September. That's the thing. Like, I remember kids dressing up for Squid Games last Halloween and we're already almost, most of this Halloween. So it really has been quite a while. Why are we? Yeah, you're right. That's why it's weird. Why is it in September? It should definitely be in March. Most award shows are in early. Most award shows are in January, February.

Yeah, it's called award season. What the fuck, Emmys? I'm mad now. Also, there's like so many Emmys. I think that's what people are like, oh, is it this is it is this the real Emmys? It's just like, because there's the daytime Emmys. Yeah, the creative arts Emmys. Well, even Jason Sadekis winning for Ted Lede. last one, I was like, that's been gone. Like, that's over. Yeah, yeah. Also, someone else should have won. I think someone else could have won. Right, right. I was, yeah, I was handed an Emmy yesterday for just collecting my mail on time. It was really bizarre. I was like, okay,

I guess I'll take that, you know, they were like, yeah, you're good at it. You always check. I will say that, like, I'm sad that yellow jackets didn't win anything. Like Melanie Lynch. You were a smello jackets. I can smell you through the computer. We'll take a shower, big hands.

Oh, you can't take off your clothes because your fingers are so big. Now we're going to come after. What else are we coming after? Physically on me. You know there's not a lot of stretch in those outfits. How does he get those shirts over his big hands? They don't have a lasting hand. You're hurting here first.

Everyone thinks I'm secretly the evil one. It's really MJ and Jackie. So thank you, listeners. Feel free to DM them about the Queen's mini atrocities as well as making fun of my big hands. you can title the message, big hands. There is a Simpsons joke where Homer is trying to remember a speech he's about to give him, so he wrote it on his hand,

and then the character passes him who's also trying to remember something he has written on his hand, but he has a giant hand, and the speech begins, I'm tired of you making jokes about my giant hand, which is all I can think about. I love the Simpsons, so good. Way better than the Queen, for sure. Yeah, if I had to map out my love of the Simpsons

and my feelings about the queen, it would be a pretty clear map. It would go Simpsons Little Mermaid. Queen. The queen. Yeah, probably. I think that makes sense. Probably go for that.

Well, there you go. Oh, man, it's a time for a celebrity conspiracy. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Liam Neeson Peas, his past. Wow. We've been looking for another bodily function. Piss story.

Yeah, we got a pooper. We got a fucker. Now we need a peer. As I get into this, I implore both of you to just straight up Google Liam Neeson pee pants. It will immediately give you an absurd amount of results. This one comes in from Sarah who says, Liam Neeson pees his pants, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. There's six exclamation marks. I've listened to a comedian on another podcast talking about it, and I didn't believe it.

When you Google it, he clearly pees his pants a lot. Is it a power move? Is he a drunk? There may be just an old man. How is this the first time I've heard of this? I thought it went along well with the Cusack Pooh Enema's gross. There's a Twitter status I linked from official Sean Penn that has four pictures of just... And by the way, we're not talking about little driblets, right?

We're not talking about just a little, but we're talking about a full pants piss, multiple pictures, an insane amount of pictures from all different occasions. And the tweet states, if you look closely, you'll see four. separate pictures where it appears Liam Neeson peed his pants. What is the truth? One user on Reddit wrote this as a reasoning. It was it was a full Reddit thread on why people think he does this. This user wrote, when you have quite a large member, the pee from the bladder running all the way down the urethro of such a long member,

the speed becomes too high to be able to hold it back often. Your muscles aren't capable of holding back liquid. So much momentum. you wouldn't know anything about it. So, isn't that interesting? I don't know. I will say, I even, as I'm getting older, struggle a little bit with that time,

but it's a little dribble it. It's not, if you look up these, you know, I struggle like, I shake and I shake and I shake my penis at the end of a piss, and I shake it and I shake it. Like I'm choking a turkey or something. You're shaking it, and you're shaking it. I shake it, yeah, yeah. And then I put it in my pants and sometimes still,

there is a dribblet that appears. And I'm like, why? God, why would you curse me like this? But we're not talking about a dribble it, y'all. We're talking about massive piss stains. What do you guys think? Well, someone did just write the name Liam Pison. And I can't believe we haven't said that yet.

Yeah, yeah, that's very very obvious. We got Liam Poussack. Liam Pison. That's very obvious. Yeah, what do you guys? I mean, what is happening here? I'm going to go with maybe drunk. I'm going to think drunk.

It is true. If you're a big time drunk, too, you lose, you just like start to lose completely. He's gone through a lot. You know, we do know that he's gone through a lot. Yeah, a specific set of skills, and one of those skills is pants pissing. Wait, is he the guy that, is he the taken guy? I can't remember. He is the taken guy.

And he only became the taken guy after the personal tragedy of Natasha Richardson dying. But also, right before that, he played a man whose wife had just died at love actually. It's all very, you know. It's all affectionate every year. I've merged his character from Love actually into real life Liam Neeson because they both experienced tragedy. I assume Emma Thompson is yelling at him. I've never heard of this. Would a tragedy lead someone to constantly piss their own pants?

I don't think that's. We don't know how we would behave in a tragedy. Right. Hammered. Right. I would say maybe he'd constantly be hammered. And I do. There's a lot of comments of people like, he might have incontinence. How dare you make fun of him?

But I think that, like, if you do have an issue like that, that, like, then you're wearing, like there are many ways to wear adult diapers that people wouldn't be able to tell that you're wearing them now. Yeah. I think that if he had a problem he would be doing something to... Should address it. To address it. Well, that's my thing is it's a lot of casual. I think what makes the photo so funny

is it's all very casual. He's posing for the photo. He's usually with somebody and he's got a big smile on his face. He's not trying to hide it. Like he doesn't look ashamed. It's just, yeah, that's, I think, what people are missing if you don't look at the pictures. It's just very bizarre. It's always, yeah, he's always with somebody,

and he's just got a giant pissing. Yeah, he's smiling. Like, there's, and it's different shape pistains, too. Like, there's one that does look kind of like a little spot. There's one that's a whole dribble down the whole leg. There's one that's just a big puddle. So it's like, we got a lot of, yeah, there's not one thing happening unless the one thing is he's being his pants.

There is actually impressive. It's like kind of wild. There's a comment that just says, ball sweat. And then someone underneath the, that just wrote, that may be even grosser. If you have that much ball sweat, that it's seeping down your dick and then,

like, such a river flow with from your balls. Still something that should be addressed. Yes. Still something. What a pad. Where's some, like, something. We have, listen, a lot of people experience some level of incontinence. It's totally fine.

We have tools, Liam Neeson. We got the tools. Yeah. There's a lot of pictures. You were right, Holden. I'm glad that I looked it up, and I hope at you at home look up Liam Pison's pictures because they really are.

They tell the tale more than we can tell the tale. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe he does have a tail. Oh, whoa. Just like, oh my God, like Vectal, come hang out over on our Patreon to listen to me read about Ice Planet Barbarians where, yes, he has horns. Yes, he has a tail.

And sometimes when she touches his tail, he goes, oh, not in public. Because it gets him horny-horned. And by the way, does he even know what a fork is? Oh my God, he doesn't. He probably doesn't know what a fork is. Unbelievable. Well, I do believe it because there's a lot of evidence online about it.

I think it's actually really, you'd have to be a fool's errand if you, the errand of a fool, if you thought that you still think he doesn't piss, fully piss his pants. pretty sure that this is also a joke, but apparently last year there was a company calling wet jeans. They were selling wet jeans. Wet look, dry feel, and it makes it look like you have piss on your pants. So I'm pretty sure it's got to be a japery of sorts. But who knows? I don't know anything about fashion. At this point, the conspiracy is, is he peeing his pants because his dick is so big or for another reason? Because I think the theory that he piece his pants because you've got a huge dick.

It's just terrific. It works out well for everyone. Right, right. Wetpants denim. Wetpantsdenum.com is a real thing. So that sounds like an April Fool's joke. I'm sorry to say. That's like you put those pants on it.

It's like, you peed your pants. And then you're like, ha, ha, you thought I peed my pants. It just looks like I peed my pants. Yeah, we definitely still think you peed your pants. So this didn't joke to more. We just don't believe that you're planning. it off as it. No, no, feel it. Feel it. It doesn't feel like Pete. No, I'm not going to feel it. It is July. It is the month of July. So I know that this is not an April Fool's joke.

And, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave this very fancy restaurant. I love, they also, yeah, they have PIS coin on their website. So if you want to buy some digital currency Piscoyne, very funny. It's a jay. There you go. It's a japery. Love it. Well, there you go. There's your celebrity. Enjoy it, haters. I can't believe he pisses his pants. Is that your new tagline? Enjoy it.

Enjoy it, haters. That's my new tagline. Well, my new tagline is it's time for the list. Oh. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. This is, I just, I love it when they do the celebrities. They're just like us.

Celebrities and the foods, they cannot live without. Did you know, oh my God, Scarlett Johansson loves buffalo chicken wings? What? She's addicted to them. Oh, my God. She has to work out so she can eat her buffalo chicken wings. Yeah, I'm going to go through this and you have to listen to all of it. Dwayne, the Rock Johnson, he makes rock toast, but he's so hard and tight.

but yes, he has cheat days. What's on his rock? Well, his cheat days are epic. They're epic cheat days, but on his, specifically his rock toast, it's four inch thick slice of brioche French toast that was smeared with peanut butter and drowned in citrus, infused maple syrup,

and whipped cream. That's fine. That actually sounds delicious. I mean, yeah. Yeah, but did you know that Barack Obama loves broccoli? You know what's annoying with the rock, I think?

a little bit is even like it's just everything he does is perfect even his like sloppy cheat meals look perfect to a degree where it's like what you know what I mean I don't know it's just it's so everything is so curated to a point where you start to like have you know feel a little concerned almost you know what I mean it's too dialed in well he has to be he has to be on top of it so he can always be America's sweetheart he's just gunning for that he wants to be like I know not Everybody can be Tom Hanks in Pinocchio. I can't believe I didn't bring up. Is it pinocchio terrible, by the way?

Oh my God. That trailer, have you seen the trailer for the Pinocchio yet? The on Disney. Isn't it out on Disney Plus? Because we were watching She-Holt. And I, we watch a trailer of it and just Tom Hanks as Chippetto. Oh, he is a real boy. Don't you see I'm a Dama Hay.

He is a real boy. He's not that bad, but he's definitely close. And I love Tompings. It's a Ma! At one point he just says it's a me, it's a Mario. I'm just like, I believe it. Chris Pratt said he took most of his direction from the Tom Hanks performance. You know who's just like us?

J-law. She loves cool ranch Toritos. Oh, my God. But she's like, all these people are just naming totally normal foods. Yes, Buffalo wings. Wow, have you ever heard of such a thing? Chips. I love that someone made this list.

Selena Gomez, she eats a lot of pickles. That's not even like a bad food. Same with Rock's cheat food. Honestly, I'm sorry. French toast is like a fine. It's bread and eggs. It's fine. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. There you go. Channing Tatum. He gave us a slightly weirder one. He did. I was just about to say. Channing Tatum eats peanut butter and jelly and Cheetos. sandwich. Now I am a firm advocate. I don't know about Cheetos. I will try it though, but I love to put,

for me, it's ruffles with ridges, or maybe a plain salted chip in my PB&J. In your PB&J, really. Yeah, you put it in between, yeah, you, it's so good. It's so delicious. It adds this crunch to it. Yeah, it makes sense to me. And the salt mixes so well. Oh my God, I used one of my favorite things, too, to mix together. Just to eat back to back. like at the same time was potato chips and Oreos. That salt and that sweet. It just, oh, it's so, I need to eat. See, I thought that you were going to say,

I like putting salt and vinegar chips on like a deli sandwich, like a deli meat sandwich. You get the, like, the salty and the sweet and the sour, I mean, of the salt and vinegar chips. Ooh, and then it gives it a tang. But it doesn't make the bread soggy. Like, when you put oil and vinegar on your hoagy, and then it makes the bread soggy.

but I just want the taste of it. Yeah. Right, right. Sal and vinegar chips, everybody. But also Rick Ross, I like, I do appreciate Rick Ross, claims that even though he's a fat boy forever, he's leaned to healthier diet with fruits, especially pointing out pears as his favorite. I will say as someone that is, unless it's in a salad with something savory, kind of anti-peer.

I like a pair. I don't get it that much, but I like it. I mean, my mains are bananas and strawberries for show. Oh, my gosh. You're nuts. Wait, what's your fruit fruits, MJ? Yeah, what's your fruit go-to? You've got is like, I'm gonna, you're gonna die unless you eat your two favorite fruits.

What are you going with? Raspberrys and peaches. Wow. That's fancy. Ooh, you fancy, MJ. Well, I spend about 95% of my brain power right now to figuring out foods that my children will eat. So we're just, and fruits are a big hit. So we are just, and I got so many pears in my house.

Right. Rejected pairs. I got to eat about. I got to eat about it. Pears. Those sad pears. Pears are always like silently weeping. Well, don't worry because Kendall Jenner pretends to eat a twix bar once a week.

She has a twix bar once a week. Can you imagine that she eats it like just like every once in a while that you have a twix bar? Like I, man, I live a life and I know I'm a fat girl forever. But it's like if I want a twix bar, I go out and I get a twix bar and I eat it and I enjoy it. And can you imagine just having one in your purse that you stare at every day and you just go like, someday. Someday. Two days, baby.

And I think that's great to have that kind of self-control. I just, my only thing that I was like, I just can't keep it in the house, but if I go to the store to go buy it, I am going to eat it on the way home from the store. I know, I'm bad. I'm not like the other girls. The other girls with slightly disordered eating.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make fun of people's disordered eating. No, it's not. putting foot of disordered eating, it's making foot of presenting disordered eating as a court. Like, whatever. If having a twigs bar once a week works for you, then that's totally fine. Yes, and that's great.

The idea that it's just like, this is a devil food. I could only eat once a week, but it makes me human to eat it once a week. It's like, come on, eat some twix bars, eat some chips, whatever. Like, honestly, I do appreciate the fact that Jennifer Anderson, she fries her own nacho. When she said nachos, it was like, okay, nachos. But she does at least fry her own. chips in coconut oil

that she feels are better for it. So, all right, that's something I can get behind. Good for you. Yeah, that's fine. But also annoying. Like, just, I mean, whatever. If you want to make your own tortilla,

that's just like, I feel like we've gone, like, see, all these factoids are differently annoying. It's like, oh, she's a hot girl who eats chips. Can you imagine? And then, like, this one is like, well, she's a hot girl who eats chips, but don't worry. She fries them.

She makes her moan. This should be called 17 whatever. Whatever's. This is unbelievable. And this is my last, last but not least, but I feel it is a chicken in the egg situation. Beyonce loves Popeye's chicken. Apparently Queen Bee loves the chicken for Popeyes so much that the franchise gave her a card, guaranteeing her a lifetime supply.

That's great. So now she's in with like, you can love Popeyes, but I feel like the second they're like, but now every time you eat Popeyes, you get it for free. here, take this card, and now we can take pictures of you eating the Popeye's chicken. And I feel like that's like, I feel like I wouldn't take that card. And be like, you know what? Never mind. I don't want to eat poplis.

I'm also richer than God. I can order a Popeye as it costs like $4 to get a Popeye's chicken. Just get that. We're fine. We make so much. Her all, yeah, well, I don't even want to say too much about Beyonce. I just feel like her whole thing. I feel like her whole thing is like, I am just salt to the earth, y'all.

And it's like not true. No, you were a queen. Yeah, yeah, it's just fun. I don't know. I wonder if QE2 ever ate like, you know, a British chicken sandwich. I doubt it. No way. A British chicken sandwich.

I mean, a pop-I. Whatever pop-I don't know. You put big beans on it. Put big beans. Whatever the... Panini, I think, maybe a pinini. Whatever the fast food is in the UK. This is something I should probably easy to find out.

And I could know. Sorry, British listeners. but her death is laughable. I don't know. I'm sorry. It's whatever. It's fine. I'm sorry. You are more than. I'm just trying to learn.

I'm just trying to learn. You know, I think that we're here to learn and to grow. And who knows? Like, the way that Germans, like, actually have, like, a really good sense of their own history much better than you, that Americans do about our own history. Maybe British people do, too, although I don't know. Maybe. All I know about British people is they're really good at getting in line. I'm sorry.

You mean queuing? as we know it. Yeah, yeah. Also, it's not a lift. It is an elevator. Whoa. If you want to call someone, you phone them. But nobody phones anymore, because we have smart phones.

We didn't even get to talk about Peppa Pig, speaking of which. Oh, yeah. I watched a bunch of episodes of Bluey, everybody. Yes. You're ahead of me. Was it good? Cried. Oh, man, love it.

I love their little Australian accents. I love everything about the two of them. It's legitimately moving, though, right? Like it's that camping episode Jeff came downstairs because I was texting with MJ and I was like I'm waiting for Jeff to get ready for us to leave. So I just threw on an episode of Bluey and then I'm just

crying as Jeff is like you've been down here for 10 minutes. What happened? What are you crying about? A Bluey episode is that's the craziest magic trick of it. It's a 10 minute episode. It is the emotional intelligence and the emotional payoff

that they can earn in 10 minutes is incredible. Incredible. So I'm happy that Peppa has, Peppa's friend has two gay moms. I think that's great, but I've never cried in a Peppa Pig episode. How do you feel about Peppa? Is Peppa, uh, Peppa? Like, it's funny. It's fine. Like, I actually think it's like, if you like British humor, I think Peppa actually is pretty funny. Um, so I'm like pro Peppa. It's just like, but it's like a kid, you know, it's just like, bop, blah, blah, blah, you know, it's just like very garish and loud and like, you know. What's the, what's the like, which one do you hate? Isn't there one where the kid is always going? I'm like, mommy. Cayu. People hate Kaiu, but what I hate is cocoa melon, which is probably, if you have made it to year one without interacting with cocoa melon, Holden,

God bless you, because we succumbed to using YouTube as a tool on the phone sometimes. We don't usually give her when she was a baby. I only, we only do, we do very small doses. It's literally like, I have to take a shit, I'm putting you in the saucer and I'm throwing on YouTube, but it's only Baby Einstein or Sesame Street. Good, good, good. Keep it. Mostly.

Elmo's World. And lately, I'm like, oh, well, that's how seaweed's made. Like, I'm actually really enjoying it myself. I mean, Sesame Street, all Sesame Street is brilliant. I don't know how we found Coca-Mellon. I don't think, it will come to you at some point. This looks awful. This looks terrible.

I hate their faces. Imagine CGI from like a Pixar movie, but then make it like much, much worse, but like still having that kind of like uncanny feeling. terrifying dystopia. And then they sing the song like, food, food, Johnny likes some food. One, two, three, eat the food you'll see. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'll eat the food right now.

It's all like, oh my God. It's like, yeah, it's like get in line and obey the God. Obey the rule of song. Yeah, it's really, really. All cups are great. All right. I think I'm going! Blind!

Items! Ah, we can't see them! This three-named rapper accidentally shot himself while in an argument with his Onigan, Offingant girlfriend. Apparently, he lost a toe. What should show would that be? Anning and Offigant might throw you off because they seem so hot and heavy, but it seems like there might be a little trouble in paradise these days. I saw a blind I was going to include not too long ago about these two. possibly splitting.

Three-name rapper. Oh, Machine and Kelly? Yes. Whoa. I hear, but then also you see them like desperately trying to be like still on top of the pop culture

like headlines where they just like show up and just like, yes, we're here and they're like making out with each other and like look at us. No, we're fine. Everything's fine between us and I definitely feel it.

We're like, oh yeah, really seems like it's not desperate. It would be sad. Imagine, though, if you just, like, have, like, we've all had, like, really hot three-month relationships that we knew we're going to flame out, you know? Oh, yeah. And you're into it, and you're like, whatever, I know this is like a bad idea, but it's really hot and I'm going to do it. But it's fun. Right. And then imagine if that all takes place just on the public stage, that would suck.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. And then that makes sense because, like, he was, like, smashing glasses against his face after a show. Lost and two. Good Lord. Here we go with the next one. With this recent happening, I hope it brings forth the pictures that exist of her smoking cigarettes.

The quietest of habits that she enjoyed after every meal. Olivia Wilde? Queen Elizabeth? Yes. Oh my God. She smoked. She smoked. If you excuse me, I'm just going to go back for a second.

I need to go powder my folds. She dribbled a tiny bit of hash on it. Ooh. You think so? It's a bit of a split, isn't it? Just getting fucking railed by one of the guards. Oh, oh, oh, my bottom. You're going to Jim, my bottom this time.

I'm sorry, all our British listeners. No, and all of her stolen diamonds out of the crown or just firing everywhere. Oh. My clitoris is stimulated, did it? Yeah, that's what she sounds like. She's cockney all of a sudden. Yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry, I talked about Queen Elizabeth's clitoral stimulation. Let's move on. I'm so sorry. British listeners, we're so sorry. All of you. Stay with us. This permanent A-list actor, who also sometimes direct, had a little one-on-one party with the former A-list boybander. Former A-List boybender was a big topic of discussion recently.

Harry. Yeah, right? Harry Stiles. The A-list actor, blinds are dying to get it over that this guy is, at the very least, buy, if not just full gay. Silver Fox, older, he's very distinguished. He's Hollywood royalty for sure. He started out in a doctor show. George Clooney?

Yeah. Oh my God. You're obsessed with him being gay. And apparently George and Harry sitting in a tree. Whoa, give me that tape. You see him. That might be the tapes. Give me that tape.

There's got a lot of tapes we would watch here on page seven, but that might be the top. That's up there. Oh, it's up there. Oh, yes, please. Carnal. Last for George and Harry. What are you guys saying? Do you think, I mean, it's, I guess, I don't know if I've ever brought one in before.

There's, I, to a point where I kind of avoid them at this point, like, there's always, like, he's secretly gay. But there are a lot for old George in the jungle there. He's in that man jungle, sucking man penis. I say, God bless it. Suck away, dude. Love it, love it. I guess I could see it. He's married to the lawyer lady, right?

The only thing I don't like about blinds being like he's gay is that he's like one of the only old men in Hollywood who has like an age appropriate wife. Uh-huh. And so I feel like that. So it's like he must be. Yeah, right. He must not like her. Oh, man, we didn't even talk. Oh, that's, I should have linked to that that, um, Leonardo DiCaprio, man.

Oh, my God. Fucking hitting that mark yet again. The age of 25. She turned 25 like, so he recently broke up with his girlfriend. She turned 25 like a month before. something and that is the thing he never goes past 25 he cannot drive it's just the memes are so it's so ridiculous it's like so consistent is what is crazy to me yes the consistency of the 25 cutoff yeah that data visualization that people share is like an incredible data visualization it's wild

you're just like man and uh i mean whatever it's legal oh yeah and the only reason why i don't know if i believe it is that like I don't know that Leonardo DiCaprio knows how old they are like I feel like he has so much going on that like you really think he just doesn't go to fuck like even my like I know Jeff is somewhere in his mid 30s like I know he is I just I kind of forget which one it is right yeah or I don't know if he's like timing it out like he's planning it out like oh my god I've got one more year with this one and then she becomes old and I need to move on to another correct woman that is of the woman. Yeah, no, I think it's not that deliberate.

I think it's just that like once they're, you know, I feel like 25 is like a, it is like a year where you kind of are growing up more and you're, and I feel like it's just like, oh, you're not like a very young woman anymore. Now you're a slightly older woman and I'm ready to move on. Like I don't think he is keeping track. I would like to watch the tape, though, between George and Amal Clooney with Harry,

styles, I think that I would enjoy watching that as well, because I'm all cluny is, is very, very attractive as well. Right. I love that there, that, I'm grateful to George Clooney for many reasons, but one is just introducing the type of like hot, like human rights lawyer. Smart. Yeah, just like she's just so accomplished. On the red card. Oh, yeah, dude, I would fucking slice her boat. Wait, what? Slice her bones. Slice her bones. I think I'm a serial killer all of a sudden. guys, I don't know what's going on.

I think it's the Queen's death. Did QE2 just, yeah? I don't know what's going on. I want to slice a space set on a seismic event. Holden becomes famous. I'd see what her guts look like by opening her stomach up. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. You know what I mean?

I'm going to, yeah, I'd like to cover her in spiders. You know what I'm saying? I do know what you're saying. And by the way, I know everyone's freaking out about it. I just want to, you know, say, I get. get it a month and a week from today. A month, a week and a day from today. We've got midnight's coming.

Taylor Swift's new magnum opus. It will be out there 13 tracks. That's their favorite numbers. That's why there's that many tracks. October 21st, four variant vinyl. Oh, my favorite. This is 13. And I can see again. And I can see again.

And what is this? It's a fork. Welcome back to the seeing world, Holden. And thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's episode of page seven. I have had a blast. And I understand if you've got things to say about QE2, have that. You can hit us up at page seven podcast at gmail.com. I am ready to take it.

I'm here to learn. Know that I'm learning. She smokes cigarettes. She smokes cigarettes. That's very endearing. You know, I'm here to learn all the endearing things about it. Yes. People love that about Obama. Smoke your siggies.

Please smoke your siggies for me if you've got them, but also, you know, I don't encourage it. But my name is Jackie Zabrowski, and you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can follow us on. I just started a very weird series over on the page 7 LPN TikTok. So come and hang out over there if you'd like. And you can also welcome to hang out with me over my Twitch. Twitch.combe forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie on Sundays. and Tuesdays and Wednesdays, man,

we are building everyone's houses in the Sims, the Sims of our lives that I am creating all of the characters from LPN, and I am eventually going to make us all kiss, and it will be problematic for our friendships, and I am all right with that. That's every Wednesday, so coming out with me. All right.

Twitch.tv.4. Holdenatures Ho, Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams, Jacking with the... Jacking with the... We still got to make that theme song. I'm going to work on a theme song for it this week. Jacking with the holdies that's coming. I think that's already one.

It makes me think of Britney Murphy and that's what it is. Yeah. And her tragic death, she was so good. And Hollywood killed her. Or that guy killed or whatever. Watch that. Actually, don't watch Jack with Oldies. Watch that documentary.

Yes. When you said that guy killed her, I thought you were talking about Elton. I was like, Elton didn't kill her. Elton didn't. No, not Elton. Elton. I thought I'm not the only one who get here. I'll be like, Elton.

Oh, wow, there goes your social life. All right, everybody, check out. I can't have balls. Like, like my face. Twitch.d.v.4. slash hold nater so from 6 to 9 p.m. E.T. Check it out. Jack it with the holidays. And, yeah, that Patreon, man, patreon.com.

4.com. Page 7.com.com. Please send in your celebrity conspiracies. I never knew Liam pissed his pants until Sarah. regaled me with that knowledge. So thank you so much. M.J. My name is MJ and I'm MJKLKat on Instagram.

Yeah. It's time for the song. Oh, shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote in about. Come on. We're going to read them to you. Come on. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sending it.

your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Really, really appreciate you guys taking the time to send in recommendations and just saying hi, and I really appreciate it. Now, today we have to read some theories that were sent in about the great Spitgate from last week because I definitely agree with some of these. So I just wanted to give a little shoutout spotlight on Spitgate. And thank you guys so much for taking the time again to write in. Now, first off, I am going to start with Sabrina.

Sabrina says, I usually hold back from emailing you all and chiming in, but this time I feel I should toss this at you. Harry did not spit on Chris Pine. If you look at its cheeks, though, there is some kind of motion going on. My theory, he didn't launch saliva, but instead just blew air out to make it feel like spit, ending. That's why Chris stops and looks. Once he sees there's no puddle, he knows it's a joke that also tells me that it's happened before and could just be an inside joke between the two. I really appreciate your thoughts and ideas, Sabrina, and thank you so much for sending that in. Also, Ashley solved the puzzle for MJ, asking about how did people know that Harry Stiles is turned off by women who spit? Ashley says MJ posed a question of why and how this is. would come up. Back in the day, in Tiger Beat or Teen Beat, what have you, they used to always

ask boy bands what their turnoffs were. It's how I know that Brian from Backstreet Boys didn't mind that his wife doesn't shave above the knee. Sidebar, oh, thank you so much, Brian, for not minding that she doesn't shave above the knee, but also I'll jump back in. It's also how I know that Drew Lachey from 98 degrees likes when girls have manicured nails. I think about these things randomly when shaving above the knee or getting my nails done. It's in there forever. Anyway, it's a weird question they ask boy band members, which is just great. We have to know every second of what goes on inside of their brains, or at least we

definitely did when we were tweens. Man, I had a, well, I never had a subscription to Tiger Beat or Teen Beat, but I always wanted them and I would stare at them at the grocery store. But one last theory. Devin added their own theory. Devin says, I don't have much to say other than, here's my very simple theory for why Chris Pine looked agitated slash confused, etc. I think that as he saw Harry walking to his seat,

Harry said something as he was sitting down about how Chris was in the wrong spot. Don't you think that Harry would be the one to be seated by Olivia Wild? Not Chris? When Harry pointed it out, Chris panicked a little, look down and around like, oh, fuck, I'm in the wrong spot, and then didn't want to make an ordeal and actually get up and switch seats because that would look like some poor person shit right there. That would look like some poor person shit right there.

So yeah, there's my theory. That's what Devin says. Thank you so much and thank you for the thanks. Devin says thank you all for being my hilarious weekly reprieve on my way to work. Thank you for sending in your theory. Thank you again for your theories. And last but not least, we have a self-shout, which I love for the incredible Shan.

Shan says, I have been a fan of the show for years. I love the Facebook page, and I'm pretty positive. I've listened to every single episode. Oh, your poor brain! Including, of course, Riverdale Roundup. I still need to catch up on this season, do you? It does get better in the end, I swear. During quarantine, I listened to you all so much that my husband and I started referring to you as,

My Friends, things were a little lonely, but we got through it. Hell, yes, we did, Chan. And then I went to treatment for my eating disorder of over 12 years. Congratulations, I know that's not easy. That was last summer, and while I've had a couple of other stays and a pretty nasty relapse, I stayed in what I think will be my last residential. this summer. While there, once a week, we would get an hour of phone time, and I would look forward to spending it catching up on page seven and listening to my friends again. I'm feeling more

confident than ever with recovery, and it's fucking hard and no joke. But I'm actually putting forth the effort, which I've never done for myself before. Shan, congratulations. Believe me, I know how hard it is, to do that kind of self-care and break. that cycle in our brains, and I'm so proud of you. Shan continues on and says, thank you for this podcast and this wonderful community. Jackie, thank you for showing me what it looks like to take care of yourself. Holden, thank you for showing me what it's like to be unapologetically yourself.

And MJ, thank you for teaching me that being non-binary and being a mom are not mutually exclusive. I needed that. Anyway, here's to all of you, anyone listening, and continued open conversations about mental health. If anyone wants to follow me, I sometimes post updates on my Instagram, and you can follow Shan at Shan Golden Star. Shan, S-H-A-N-Golden Star, Star with two R's. And I think thank you so much, Shan, for opening yourself up to create a continued conversation about mental health. I appreciate you extending the hand, because again, I know it's not easy to open up, especially publicly like that. And thank you.

you so much for sharing. And thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com always puts a smile on my face. And I really appreciate, well, sometimes I'm crying. But most of the time I'm smiling. And I just want to say thank you guys. I love you all so much. And I will be back next week, babies. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows, like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.