Page 7 - Ep. 465: Anal Bead Supercomputer

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout what NOT to name your baby after, a jaw-dropping tale of Zac Efron and a granite fountain, Mexican Pizza: the Musical, a story causing a buzzzz in the chess world, Sammi "maybe not a Sweetheart" Giancola blocking Snooki, DiCaprio finally dating past 25!? And in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner;  Is Chris Pine Also Queer Erotica Writer Chuck Tingle? dA List! Blindz and Shoutzzzzz! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Can't wait to meet Baby Sumner. This love has taken it's all I mean. She said goodbye too many times before. Her me, I have no choice because I won't say goodbye. Wow, it's like a list. It was kind of a list. I'm trying to make it better. Because everyone knows that Maroon 5, you want to talk Starbucks.

You want to go back in time into page 7 lore here and talk about true. Starbucks music. That is Maroon 5 everybody. And Adam Levine is a liar and a cheat. And a cheat in my name is baby woman he fucked. Well, I'll do you one better than Starbucks. How about having your own mistress

describe your music as elevator music? Yeah. So funny. Sumner shoutouts. We are out the gate talking about Adam Levine's mistress. The poor human being who came out and openly said,

Like, not only is Adam Levine cheating on Bahati Prinslu, but also he asked her if he could name his unborn child after her because his wife, who he already has two children with, who is currently pregnant. He asked if he could name the baby Sumner, and that is deplorable. Oh, yeah, I just want to look at my, every time I look at my baby, I want to just think about you, but not if the baby's a girl. I want to name the baby Sumner if it's a boy because Lord knows his penis gonna get hard every time he looks at the baby. Because that's what I'm thinking is because he's afraid he'll think about the two vaginas will be Twain.

You know what I mean? And he's afraid of that. Whereas if the boy, if it's a penis having boy, then he'll be like, oh, I can make the brain difference. He's an idiot. I mean, have you ever hold it on your list of baby names? Did you have any X's names on the list? Because it, not because they're, like,

if you're like, oh, I just love the name. It's just not something you want to bring into your family. Even if you love the name, Sumner, find another fucking name that ends in ER, man. Like, there's lots of Sumner-like names out there. That's all, they're all trendy. Yeah, in fact, I will even say, you know, one of the fears of, like, one of my hesitations with Eloin was just in case she decides to go with Ellie at some point, because that's the name of, like, an ex of mine.

An ex, though, that I was like, well, the other day, it's not the, end of the world. It was like a fun summer fling kind of person. It wasn't like, you know, I don't, you know, she was a little batty, you know what I mean? So if anything, Ednet. Are you watching too much data related? Yeah. It's a little batty. Oh my God, dude. I am watching too much because any amount is too much because it's not a good show. Whoa. It's a bad show. And I've only watched about 10 minutes because I keep trying. I have now seen the opening of the first episode at least three times because I keep. keep trying.

And I just came to it. And I love shitty TV. And I just... Yeah, no. It's bad, bad, bad. And everything it's trying to do. You know, it's also like... The part we're like...

This is a problem on having Netflix reality shows. We can move on quickly from this. Oh. No, let's get into it. The price aspect, it's like kids making up a competition. They're like, you'll win $100,000. But only if you are in love the most with the... You know what I mean?

There's no like real actual like structure to the prize money and who wins or whatever. It's just like made up as they go. You know what I mean? Whatever. Anyways, too hot to handle. It's the same people as too hot to handle. It's actually even worse. And I'm just, I, it's just watching.

I'm watching every single episode. I'm watching every fucking. I have one episode left, MJ. Jackie, can you tell us why? And I don't care who wins. I don't care what happens. Because you and I, again, we mentioned this, I think even last week, you and I both have been friends with our siblings in the same social groups through our 20s. So it's not like, like when people have a sibling and they're like, oh, I don't want to think about them dating.

Like that I don't totally get, because it's like, okay, we're peers. Like, yes, you date, I date. It's fine. But like, but yet I also know that you have a visceral horror reaction to the show and yet you keep watching it. and yet you are proselytizing for all of us to watch. Yeah, how dare you? So I just want you to proselytize. By the way, Jackie's the real issue here.

Not data-related, not Netflix. Not Adam Levine. Adam Levine's the issue here, but I am the issue because I am trying to bring, you know what, we just sometimes need to watch something where your brain actually shuts off. It doesn't check. I can feel it disengaged. It's like, this is wrong. This is wrong.

But are you thinking about what you have to do tomorrow? Are you thinking about like the kids or, and what they need. Are you thinking of it? No, you're not thinking about anything. You're just thinking about them. I'm just going to dump fuck, idiot fucks. Why would you do it?

No, just like every time I see and I imagine it's different, but as someone that also has a sister, and I do not have that relationship with her where they're on, like, just like, Sistis holding hands and like laying on each other's laps and like canoodling. I can't even imagine sharing a bed with either one of my siblings, let alone like snookering on them.

I don't know what they do. Right. Right, right, right. So I don't know, but at least... I'm watching it. It's not the group, but I want to be more grossed out by the siblings and I'm not. Instead, I'm watching some guy use handwritten note cards to communicate his love to the idiot woman. Yeah, like in the movie.

It happened in the movie the one time. Love actually. Oh, did he do that in the movie? Oh, my God. To me, you're perfect. I have been saying that. Very creepy. It is creepy, but it's very useful if your children are obsessed to.

with making like a perfect drawing. I just now always say, to me, you are perfect. To me, you are perfect. To everyone else, you're a fucking idiot. You're a complete moron. Okay. Well, we are in the slightly Doug Netflix reality show hole. I know it's not talking TV over here.

This is page seven, not talking TV. But did anyone watch Love after the altar or whatever the fuck is called? Oh, yeah. I mean. I haven't watched it. No, I watched it. Is it worth, I have to Joe? It's the most depressing thing I've ever seen.

Well, what are we doing here? What kind of podcast is this? It's not worth your time. We're here to tell you not to watch it. I'm affirming. You don't need to watch it. We're anti-influencers. We're influencing people to not enjoy things.

Well, because Holden, you were saying that the Netflix reality shows have a problem. And I'm just here to say that I agree with you because we were watching after the altar and Gideon on like episode three, he was just like, this just doesn't have any of the things that are fun about a reality show. It's like just no sex. There's zero sex in life after the altar. And everyone's upset. Everyone is upset.

And if they're not upset, they're pretending that they're pretending they're not upset. Isn't this a continuation of love is blind? Oh, yes. Okay, right. Which the, I guess there's recent season? Every, yeah, the one with Shake and the one with Shane and Shana. Shake. Does Shake show his?

No, of course. Of course not. So they don't bring back the hot buttons. Right. So it's just the people that are probably nicer in real life. So they're trying to make this drama when there really is no drama. You get it for it first, everybody. Don't watch it.

Both marriages did end in divorce. But you don't even see that in after the altar. It's just them pretending of everything's fine. And then they both announced wherever the contract was up. They both, within three days, each couple, Jared and Iana and Nick and Daniel, announced they were divorcing, which was before after the altar came out, but after the altar was obviously filmed before either of them was divorced. And so it's like, we're all just like monocally like, yeah, we're happy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not happy. And so it's just like, no, you're

just watching love die. What you're watching. It should be called the death of love. It should be called the death of love, which should actually get me to watch it probably more than I am right now. The death of love. Love dies here. Love Dies here. At Netflix. So that's why I'm saying, we are making it sound like it's entertaining to watch. It's not. No, it's just.

I don't think you are making it sound entertaining. You're making it sound like it's definitely something. Maybe I love watching Love Dies. Honestly, I'm very into watching The Spark leave someone's eyes currently in real time. The morning show's okay. I think it's fine. Maybe check that out. I can't believe you're still watching it.

I know that it's fine. I know that it's good. It's incredibly. watchable. Zach Efron didn't have plastic surgery, everybody. No, he fell in his home. His jaw fell off. His jaw fell off of his head.

He got excited. He started to run. He tripped on a sock. He hit his fountain. Sorry, because this is what I think. We need to do a forensic analysis of what happens to Zach Ephron. It makes sort of set. Because I have a very specific mental image of my head of like the marble floor and I see like

a giant fountain, like a really fancy fountain in the middle of his lique. So we just watched high school the musical, right? And so we got to see... High school musical. I love what you call it high school. High school the musical which has no musical in it. And so we all know about baby face Zach Ephron. And he has honestly

been looking different lately, but most of what I've been seeing in the headlines is either like has Zach Afron had plastic surgery which also he's going to do whatever he's going to do. Right. And or talking about how daddy he's become and he's definitely become very much of a Zaddy, if you will.

And so Zach Efron has finally opened up because he does look different than he used to look. And it wasn't because he's gotten plastic surgeries because what happened is that he had an accident last year. He says the actor says that while running at his home, he accidentally tripped on a pair of socks, which caused him to smash his chin and jaw on a granite fountain and faint. after he had gained consciousness, he found his chin bone hanging off of his head. It was hanging off his... All I just imagined is like,

when you make a skeleton talk. Yeah, yeah. That's a horrible thing. This is a horrendous accent. This is a horrendous act. You're not laughing. We're not laughing at Lechette Fras and jaw following on. No.

We are laughing. We're laughing at the death of love. Right when they stop. trusting them. You know, right when you can see in her eyes, like she'll never trust them ever again. Ever again, whatever he does. Ooh, I love it. Oh, I sort of suck it out of my eyeballs.

So it is entertaining. How about being blindfolded and being fed foods you don't like holding? Would that make your marriage stronger or not stronger? Yuck. What food were they fed? Sushi. Sushi. Nick is a picky eater and his wife blindfolded him and fed him a food he doesn't like, which is sushi.

And like pro-level sushi, like pro-sushi? I'd be so pissed. Listen, I love sushi, but I would never force feet. Yeah, like, if you fed me. me like raw mushrooms and olives, I'd be like fucking angry. You'd be shoving in your mouth while you have a blindfold on and then laugh and be like, ha ha ha, you're so stupid. But anyway, do you want, could you, wait a second, hold the bone.

Could you come if someone was shoving your least favorite food in your mouth while they were jerking you off? It's the same answer to most questions I have to answer to about the day. If I'm horny enough, then yes. Wow, even with the olives and the mushrooms in your mouth. Of course. If I'm that horny, if you've edged me so. crazy. And you're like, oh. Yeah, you just

keep showing me pictures of Jessica Rabbit or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Oh, yeah. Patty cake. Paddy cake. I'll play Petty cake. I'll play Patty cake. Not with you though. Ew, don't look at me. Ugh. Love dies. It's because Holden and I are in the same studio now, and I hate

that he's so close to me. Well, it's all, it's very different energy because Holden either has to look at Jackie or look at me, and you know when someone makes a joke and then turns right to you very expectantly? That's what's happening with Holden and right now. You're going to laugh, right? To look at Jackie and have a little big head turn to look at me. And you are the Wizard of Oz right now. You are on this huge screen. It is terrifying. Yes, I feel like I'm praying to you, MJ. You're the only higher power I believe in MJ.

But anyway, so yeah, all right, so I'm imagining, now I'm realizing this is probably outside, but I'm imagining one of those giant Hollywood mansions we've seen in the movies. You know, like, Godfather with the horsehead in the bed, like that kind of place. And this fountain is inside of a giant, like the foyer you walk in, right when you walk in and there's marble on the ground. There's this huge intricate fountain. You're like, look at my fountain. You know what I mean?

Like a porn house. Like a porn house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Doing coke off of ass and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. When we say running in his home, do we think he was running for exercise or do we think he

was running like just for fun? Like, ooh, I'm going to go get those socks. like running. I think he got excited like a little boy about something and he was running from one room to the other.

I love the details though and I'm so like thank you Zach for giving us the details of the socks because all he had to say was and then I tripped and fell and the next thing I ended right? But he added he tripped on a pear like a banana peel right?

Right? He did like a flip. It just means we got it like no matter what age we have to pick up our socks. sucks. Or just don't run when you get excited. Why? No, you can't take jubilence away. No, you know, you can't take his eyes.

No, Jubilee. If you're an adult and you are a high paid actor because of specifically your face, no Jubilee for you. Oh, no. I want them to be happy. I was picturing him running in like a, like for exercise. I was picturing maybe he has a backyard that has like a lap, like a track. in it, but also it's full of ornate fountains. But I like holding's theory better because why would the socks be out there? It doesn't make any sense. Why would, thank you. Why would socks be outside in a hedge maze?

Unless he was on his treadmill and next to his treadmill he has to have his marble fountain to give, so to give him something to run towards mentally. Right. And maybe he had his socks and they were up on the treadmill because he took off his socks. He puts them in the water bottle hole. And he goes, he likes to look at him because he likes to be, like, yeah, I want to get stinky for my socks. No way.

So he's running their foot. Yes. And then he also, the story also relies on him being a foot fetishes. Yes, of course. Yeah, he wants to get juicy in a different way while running on the treadmill. If he's 40 enough. You'll work. Put some olives and mushrooms in his mouth.

Bring over Adam Levine. And man, everybody's going to be having babies and getting new faces. How did his jaw hang off of his face? I mean, can you imagine? How horrifying is that? How do you get past that? Like, I'd never sleep again. We don't have to get too into the details on this because it can get disturbing and gross, and we don't want people to turn it off.

But have you ever had an injury like that where you were, like, so horrified just by the sheer it being on you? I mean, I broke my wrist once. And, yes, it was like, at first you're like, ah, like, because it's just, but there was no bone sticking out or anything like that. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, that's like some body horror shit, your jaw hanging off of your face. I don't think I've ever had anything like that. I had a big piece of driftwood once fall on me at the beach.

They had built, my friends had built a fort out of big, large, heavy, dense, like petrified wood and tied a sheet over it. So we have a little shade. And I was taking a nice, pleasant nap at the beach and one of those large, heavy pieces of right up in face. No. Do you get a concussion? No, it landed on my nose actually, I think, probably saved my life. because it landed on my nose and the rest of my face was fine. Whoa.

And that's like when I, and I was fine and not traumatized, but when I read the Zach Efron thing, I was like, ooh, that reminds me of that terrifying. You know, I feel like we all have a like, oh, if we are lucky enough to not have held our own jaw in our hand, then we, many of us have like, oh, it could have been that, you know, that was one, one inch away. Terror. The sheer terror. The sheer terror.

I got to watch the one actual, like, the kind of thing that your mother always tells you not to do. And I was like, okay, fine. A friend of mine was using a Q-tip in his ear, which you're already not supposed to do. Oh my God, they say you're not supposed to do it. And he was walking and he tripped and it went through his ear

drum. Okay, why are you fucking walking, dude? But then here's the thing. Haven't you ever while using a Q-tip or doing something like or like brushing your teeth that you're walking? Sure. I'm like, if you trip, that thing is going back up into your brain and you will be dead. There's a rescue 911.

probably don't know words. But what if it does? No, there is a, did you guys watch Rescue 9-1-1 when you were alone and homeless children? No. Yes. You know what's Rescue 9-1-1? No, why am I not watching Rescue 9-1-1? Oh, my God.

It was so good. It was like cops, but paramedics. Oh. Oh, big hunkies, huh? There was one about two kids who were brushing their teeth and running around and playing, as we always did while we brushed our teeth and one of them falls. William Shatner. Yeah.

And it will, Rescue 9-1 was like the, like, how, the way the date line in the 90s was just meant to like terrify you about ever jogging at night or walking anywhere at night. Rescue 9-1-1 was like, it wasn't meant for kids, but it was the, a kid equivalent to be like, anything you do is dangerous and it will kill you. Right. And you will die. So now I'm afraid of crushing teeth and moving around. A, P.A.B. Isn't that fun?

No. It took me. It took me a second. And I was like, all police are those? Well, that's just saying the same thing. This is the same thing. Man, it's just the Rolodex just went to flap,

blah, blah, right, right. I was a confusing one. It was a tough one. APA-G, all paramedics are great. Yes. APA-D, all paramedics are damaged.

So the things you have to watch. I'll heal them. I'll heal them with a kiss. Doing Gossirk. Oh, my God. Are we about to talk about the fucking Taco Bell? Oh, we're about to talk about Taco Bell premiering the Mexican pizza,

the musical on TikTok with Dali Parton and Jojicat. I will say, I first time was like, whatever! But then, Dali is the voice of the Mexican pizza and act one, and that was pretty funny. That was pretty funny. And the Doja Cat, I love how Taco Bell is just barely getting Doja Cat for stuff. And I bet they're paying her so much fucking money, too. And she's so openly hates it and hates doing it.

Because it just cut to her eating a Mexican pizza and just going, ah! And then it cut back, which is like all they could get. They were like, please, just send us any. Anything with you holding a Mexican pizza. It doesn't even have to be a Taco Bell Mexican pizza. I don't know. But give me the opportunity. I just tried a Mexican pizza for the first time.

And you liked it. It actually worked on me. It was like, you know what? If Dolly Parton, I mean, I'm sure they paid her lots of money. But still, Dolly doesn't need the money. She would say, I know if she didn't want to do it. Right. So that's why I was so intrigued by it.

So I was like, all right, I'm going to go and try this Mexican pizza and see what the hubbub is about. I mean, it's delightful. But I'm also, I hate to say it, I like eating a Taco Bell every once in a while. I know, I think, and you are ashamed of this. And I don't think you should be at all. I think Taco Bell is a lovely fun little romp of a place. People like, it's fake food. I'm like, I know it's fake food.

Yeah, that's true thing. Like you can't deny our heritage, Jackie. Yeah, man, I'm a trash American. Yeah, you're a trash American. I'm a trash American. When I go, the other day, in fact, I was just leaving my doctor's office where he was telling me, you know, I need to lose weight because of my hypertension. And I went to Burger King right after.

And it had a quarter, oh, man, had a wafer. I'm going to do that tomorrow. I got to go get blood work done. And I was just like, okay, great, I'll fast until then. Then I'm going to go get fast food because, like, because. Yes, yes, I fast food. It's the food to break the fast. And you go, it's like, oh, that's breakfast.

He's like, no, no, no, no. This is my break fast food. Okay, listen, the Mexican pizza thing, my only, of course, I will, I will love Dali Wow, Debbie Dowder over here, am I right, people? Jackie's the one who aren't so eloquently said recently that when something is like too cheeky, we don't love it. And I'm, it's in it, and it's just like, we're doing a musical. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, it's a musical.

And I don't like, I love a musical. I don't like a how funny we're doing a musical. Right, right, right. You know, yes. And I don't think they commit enough. Yeah, okay. I'll say, you know what? I like that better than just like, it's cheesy or whatever.

You know what I mean? They're not committed enough. Yeah. Yeah. Donicate yourself to it. Because like you were just saying with Doja Cat, if you hated that much, honestly, it should just be her being like, ah, ah, ha, ha. She's like shoving a taco bell pizza into her mouth. Right, right.

And getting like, yeah. Luchador guy comes in, starts like wrestling or whatever. I mean, I'll watch it. Yeah, yeah. If you're going to make me watch a 15-minute musical to get to Dolly Parton and Doja Cat, like, make sure it's a good ass. musical, you know? Yes. Yeah, and I also, I couldn't help but think about it because they got what are their names,

modern day Gilbert and Sullivan, what are their fuckface names? The Bridgeton ladies. Yes. Oh, I forget their names. Gilbertina and Solovina. Yes, I forgot. Yeah. They're in it, but the whole, and, you know, they're trying their best to sell it,

but the whole time I just keep thinking, man, they're doing this instead of like that Broadway show they thought they were going to be doing. That sucks, dude. I'm going to take it away from that. That fucking sucks. Because the kibosh is on it, right? Like, now it's dead because it's going to do with your trial and stuff. I mean, I don't think you're fucking going to get much done.

I mean, you know, their stocks may be crashing, but they still got that flow. They got that lawyer fucking money. Netflix, it's poisoning us, but also giving us a gift at the same time. Of what? Bad shows that make us. Love is dead. It's not. Oh, love it.

Yeah, I want to pitch love is dead to them. show people just like not having a good time. And then the person, the people who's love dies the hardest, they win $100,000. See, that's, I, that's why I want to watch, that's why I really enjoyed the ultimatum so much. And I will say I rewatch, sorry, this is not talking TV, but watching the, um, love is blind after, like, the tell all, because I didn't watch it when it first came out. So I watched it right before I watched Love is Blind after the altar. And that tell all is great.

Nick Lachey and his wife. I'm sorry. And his wife. Vanessa. Vanessa Lachey, thank you. She has a name. She has a name. But her going after shake like that, I was like, hell yeah, man.

Look at the, it's like bringing in the host, making the hosts be actually good at their job. Yeah, yeah, forcing the host to do anything. Yeah, making the host in a corner. Interesting for the first time in at least 20 years, if not. Not ever. So are we going to talk about the anal bead conspiracy theory with the chess grandmaster? So many thoughts. I'm glad that you included this in the notes.

I didn't know if you guys were going to hate this because I know you're a chessist. Wait, wait. That means the person who's against chess? No, you're for it. Like a cellist. Like a cellist. Yes. Like a racist.

I was like, I hate it. I hate people like it. Like a cellist. You're a chess. I'm not like that huge in a chess. I like chess, though. I can play a game of chess. Are you a chess?

I still don't know how to play chess. And if you're going to DM me and say, I'll teach you, I'm going to say, well, what about if I have a very, very low tolerance for learning new things? Well, I'll tell you what. I like low tolerance. Not that you can't. You just essentially like, no, no, no, I'm just, my body is against it. I'm just going to have to use this platform in this moment, by the way, to promote my wife's

business. She will teach her kids chess, MJ. And she teaches, like, storytelling chess. and teaches very young children how to play. So if DM me, honestly, because she's always happy to get some more work in that way. She can do it over Zoom. And she'll tell you what's...

Maybe she should do that for MJ as well. She'll tell you the story of King Shakeies. Yeah, that won't piss you off it. Oh, MJ. She's going to sit you down and tell you a story that seemingly has nothing to do with chess and then she's going to apply it to chess, M.J., how does that sound?

Over the course of many hours, over the course of many weeks. How does that sound to you? I support your wife... And I would love for her to teach my kids' chess. I just don't want to learn it. I just don't want to. That's all the, that's all you need to say, MJ.

Isn't that the beautiful part about being an adult? You just say, I don't want to, and you don't have to. I love that you're already mentally 60 years old. You're just like, I don't want to learn anything new. I'm fucking done. If, like, email changes in the next five years, I'm just going to stop using it. I don't. You know what I'm already sweating over here trying to figure out how to TikTok.

But I do want to hear about TikTok. Page 7 LPN. Page 7 LPN. Everybody's doing it now. It's not just me anymore, just plotting along, talking into the ether. It is also MJ and Holden talking into the ether as well. I started a new series saying really dumb social media stuff out loud to show you how dumb it is. I love that.

I love this journey for us. I really do love it. And I want to talk about the anal beads, but I'm going to have to have you. I tried to read the article you said, and I was like, this is way too complicated for me to understand. Or maybe I was just like, okay, if we want our listeners to understand, Jackie's going to have to have to really break this down. So don't worry. I'm not getting into the chess part of it. I'm just going to give, I'm going to give an overall because this story is so, it was everywhere in all of like the pop culture websites.

I was like, I think we can talk about this. Yes. Yeah. Go for it. It's a world champion, Magnus Carlson. Awesome name for a fucking world champion. Hell yes. World Champion Magnus Cross.

He's the guy. He's the guy right now, the top person in chess. This is what I'm getting for this. Lost to Grand Master Hans Neiman. And everyone in the chess world is very upset about it. And they think that Hans was cheating. And they think that he was cheating via vibrating anal deeds. That's a hard there. Someone on Reddit.

Transmitting the chess moves via vibrations. Or it was connected to a computer program that because one would maybe have to use a computer program to be able to beat a grandmaster like that. But if you think about it, nowadays, like, there's many sex toys that you can put up inside of you that you can use Bluetooth on an app to administer from afar. So this is not something like the, so the technology is not too far. Like, it's there. It's the part where it seems to me, and maybe I miss something somewhere, but is the anal bead part of it not just an arb, arbitrary theory thrown out there by like a person on Reddit and then they just took it and ran with it. So it's just the kind of the way quote unquote truth happens on the internet now where someone just like says something definitely happened.

And then everyone just like moving forward just believes it whole hog. And it's just like yeah, but it has to be animals. There can be no other fucking way he could have cheated. It could have been like a patch or something. But because they like apparently they take everything from you before you go and play. So it's like, you know, obviously though, it's not like. entering into the prison system where they check up your ass old. Do you get completely naked?

So now they're going to do it. Now they're going to check your asshole before you play. But then that's what essentially what Hans Seaman said. He got so pissed off by what was happening that he's like, oh, you want me to play naked? Is that what I have to do? Do I have to play naked to show you that I didn't have any anal beads in? And of course the internet's like, yeah. Because they love it.

They want to see him play naked. It's like a black mirror episode. Dude, it is just like that's all I could think about as I was reading it. It was just like, because we as a society would watch him naked playing. Like, prove it to us. Yeah, we want to see his asshole. Yeah, I want to make sure there's nothing inside of it. He could still put something up there that we, like a diva cup that we couldn't see.

I assume you could put something up there and then use your bearing down muscles to get it out. I don't think he's going to get a diva cup up inside it. I guess you can get it inside your asshole. Why are we putting diva cups up our asshole? What are we talking about? Never put anything. in your butthole that you cannot get back out that doesn't have a handle on it.

Okay, well, that's my question. It sucks it in. I want everybody to know. The way that you can get a diva cup out, if you were naked, no one would know you'd have a diva cup in. That's with a vagina, right? But I don't know if the butt works the same way where you could put something in and not have a chain coming out.

No, no, no, it sucks it up into it, and then you can't get it out, and that's why you have to go to the emergency. Right, right. That's why people are always going there for silly things of their asshole. But also, I mean, if you have a big fat assing would probably... Only put something of your ass that is made to go. up your ass. This is my soapbox right now unless it was made to go up your ass. Do not put it up your ass. Yeah, but why are there really that many people don't get, don't get that memo? I mean,

it just seems crazy to me. Yeah, man, because they don't really, it's like, you know, if you can't like afford to get a sex toy and you want to try out more things with your anus, then you're going to put other things, but it, there's a suction in it that will suck it up. I know there is. There's a suction. I'm just saying, I know this. Why don't other people know this? Stop. Get that water bottle out of there. Hold this. Stop it. Don't do it.

But, Jack, what if it will help me become the world chess champion? Can I put it up my ass then? I guess I say, God bless it. My whole thing is just that maybe he was cheating, but the fact that we've just definitely, this is what's fun and horrible about the internet, right?

Maybe he was cheating, but the fact that it's just definitely anal beads now. And that's why it's made worldwide headlines, by the way, just because everybody wants to say out loud or see the phrase anal beads in a like serious news story is very humorous, but it's completely ridiculous. It does, there's no, it holds no water.

Especially because people write down things that, which is insane, you can write whatever you want on Reddit. Everybody remember this. Anyone can write whatever they want. Even, I think that people took it seriously when someone wrote recently, Magnus realized the anal bead supercomputer design he created had been stolen. Of course he couldn't come. clean about cheating. So he drummed up the excuse of being bored so he wouldn't lose the

world championships to NEPO, who he suspects to have stolen the anal bead design after being humiliated in their prior contest. People read this and think it's real. They're like, oh my God, he had an anal bead supercomputer? It's like, yeah, he had an atel bead super good. What are you talking about? I mean, just for some self-awareness here, this is basically a celebrity conspiracy theory, but for chess and anal beads. So we, perhaps are part of the problem by... Yeah, I mean, I guess I should have... Because I guess I should have waited for celebrity conspiracy to talk about anal bead gate.

But I just, you know... You can't say the word anal beads that many times and not have me go... I mean, I Tim Allen's my way through page 6.com. And I love it. But also, MJ, I noticed that you posted. Now, everybody, if you are not a... where we watch Jersey Shores over on our Discord every Thursday night with our $10 and up, patrons, and you can go to patreon.com slash page 7 podcast to join us on Thursdays.

And big news this week that I saw MJ post, Jersey Shores Nicole Snooky Belize, he says, Sammy Sweetheart Junkola blocked her. What a bitch. Always was a bitch. Still is a bitch. Not the sweetest bitch I've ever met. Just a bitch. And the weird part is to me

is that it's the same story that we see in the show where she's just terrible the whole time and then when she pieces out everyone's like, come back. Yeah, everybody hates her. Yeah. And then they're like, no, come back.

We're all family. It's crazy. And Nicole in the article's just like, I wish she'd come back. I don't understand the problem. You know what I mean? And at the same time, I mean, Sammy has a quota there

essentially being like, I keep entering the arena with these guys, guys and then all hell breaks loose for me in my whole life and I end up screaming and crying and crying and screaming. Yeah, of course. And the internet hates her. So why would she want to keep doing it?

Would you? I wouldn't. Like, ah, never mind. I mean, but at the same time, you can't kill the cockroach Angelina either because she's still doing reality shows on Discovery Plus. Wow. Yeah, wait. Who did she appear?

She appeared. Oh, this is going to bother me. She was dating somebody. She was in a photo with somebody that was on a Netflix show. Fuck. And they were like, is that Angelita from Jersey Shore? And he was like, yes, that is Angelina from Jersey Shore.

Oh, Holden, you know what I'm talking about? He took her on a date to like an award show or something. Yes. Oh, my God. Write us in. You're going to have to tell us afterwards. Listeners probably immediately. So she does appear here and there.

Oh, what could it have been? What show were we all? Man, she went full Kardashian, by the way. I'm just looking at Jackie's laptop. She went full on just like... I mean, she was with one of her co-stars on the All-Star Shores. Fuck, fuck-boy Island.

Was it Fuck Boy Island? Oh, was it? Yeah. Yeah, it was that little Danny guy, that little Jersey Chore wannabe guy on Fuck Boy Island. Oh, yeah. It was him.

That's right. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah. Good times. Yeah, Sam, it is a good for her, honestly, for Sammy. No, can't remember his name. We just know that he was over there.

Lou? Louie? Danny, I think his name was Danny. I don't remember what the girl's name was. We need to move on. It certainly doesn't matter who it. But I can't remember. They all look the same.

That was weeks ago. I have moved forward with my life. All of those names go out of my head. the second I stopped watching the stupid punk show. What it had happened was, he was like, hey, insecure girl, I'm single. And then they got to look at everybody's Instagram. And there was a picture of him on Instagram

with Angelina from Jersey Shore. And they were like, who's this bitch? And they were like, it's Angelina from Jersey Shore. And it was just like a really fun cameo. That was a weird cameo. Because, of course, we're still watching Jersey Shore over on our Discord at the $10 Lareda, Patreon. Patreon.com.

So, page, have a podcast. You can join us on Thursdays. 5 p.m. Pt. It's always a blast. And if you want to find love the way Angelina met with this Guido from F Boy Island, you probably might have a Tinder profile. And I want to take this moment while we're going to the episode to promo. Our Strix stream on October 5th, because we are going to be giving your dating apps. Yes, your dating apps a little bit of a page 7 overhaul.

Do you need a little bit of help with your dating apps? Do you want us to put our eyes on your dating apps to give it a little bit of help? Man, I can get you laid if that's what you want. I can also help you get a partner if that's what you're looking for too. Join page 7 on October 5th at 5 p.n. Pacific Standard Time, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, where we go over your sent-in dating apps. Now, what you got to do is you got to go to page 7.love, all right? page seven, seven the number, dot love.

Page seven dot love. When you go there, you go give us your information, head us with your dating app profiles, and anything else you want to share with us, give us your email address, because what we want to do is we want to go over your dating profile to give you a little bit of help. Maybe, you know, get that picture of you holding the fish off of there, because we need to get somebody in your pants. consensually, that is page 7. dot love.

Again, Stricks is sponsoring us to go over and help you out with your dating app profiles live on Twitch.com. Holdenaders ho on October 5th at 5 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And I hope that you are able to join us. And I hope that you're down to send in your dating profile because I want to see it. Ooh, I want to see it. You can also let us know on page 7.

If you don't want us to say your real name, you can give us more details about yourself, flesh it out a little bit more because Strick set up a great submit form for you on page 7. Dot love. Please check it out and please come and join us on October 5th over on Twitch.

Dot TV forward slash Holdenators, hell. Yo, dude. We haven't even gotten to the fucking story that kind of blew my dome off a little bit. I think we all, as a collective society, bullied Leonardo DiCaprio into dating a 27-year-old. I don't know if you did. I also love how he's like, oh, everyone's coming at me with his 25-year-old business.

Well, who should I date? A 27-year-old. Yeah, like that is actually, you know, that crazy. You know what I mean? Word on the street is Leonardo DiCaprio is dating Gigi Hadid, and I don't know if it's true. or if it is just like their PR teams got together and we're like, we're trying to get rid of this whole 25-year-old business, can we just get somebody just a tinge older

that you won't puke all over Leo as you go out with her on the town? And I guess he chose Gigi Hadid, and I assume that superstars... One of the hottest supermodels on the fucking. She could be 27, but she has to be the hottest person in the universe. She's old and she's crusted, and I wouldn't put my trash next to this gorgeous, pure...

And I bet she, like, challenges him sometimes and the things that he does and, like, you know, asked him like, why do you do that stupid thing that you, you know what I mean? I bet she does that sometimes, which really bet it grinds his gears. Well, in the article, they're like, well, you know, she's not, she's 27, but she's got two kids. She's been married. She's old. Right. She's not a young idiot. She's an old seasoned hag.

Krusted over. Ever done to look it over. I'm just like, is that a bus bucket? No, gee, I mean, that is not. I'm, that's a jabe. That's the last thing I would ever possibly think. And I don't, I don't think they're actually together. And I don't think that anything is going to come from this.

Yeah, it sounds like he has a crush on. It's the anal beads of, it's like anal beads all over again. Able beads is much bigger than this. Yeah, but it's not real. So they're both the same story. Yes, I see. Yeah. And she does have a child, which, oh, oh, oh.

Oh my God, she's all stretched out. So stretched out and so like, oh, like, oh, like, wiser and like she's like an old village elder. I bet she's covered in scales. To Tom Cruise away from her because he might think that she's a fish. Speaking of Tom Cruise, I guess it's time for a conspiracy theory. I think it might be time for a conspiracy. Hit me with the share.

Do you believe it? Is Chris Pine also queer erotica writer Chuck Tingle? Whoa. I love Chuck Tingle. I hope that it's true. This is a big one. But what if it is? But it is a legit rumor on the internet right now.

And there's some foundation to it that at least gives us, makes Chris Pine slightly more interesting. By the way, Chuck Tingle has amazing monster erotica. Yes. And as someone that is, it's absolutely ridiculous. But if you've never heard of Chuck Tingle before and you like monster fucking the way I do, please check out Chuck Tingle. Very great erotica writer. They do things, romantic and sexual encounters with dinosaurs, imaginary creatures, anthropomorphize, entomomopausus eyes.

Did you get filler? Inadimate objects and even abstract concepts. And it's great. Honestly, MJ, I think that you would really dig Chuck Tingles work a lot. Yeah, so here we go. This one comes in from Allison who says, are you there, page seven? It's me, Allison. Oh, my God.

Are we bleeding? Are we bleeding? Are we bleeding? Are we on in this? in this scenario. We are got... I am bleeding for my ass over this because of the anal beats. Oh, it's the able to stop cheating, Holden. I'm used to get to cheat at Checkers. I've gone 10 and O against Lexi at Checkers.

Well, maybe it's also because you're reading Space Raptor Butt Invasion, which is one of the names of Chuck Tingles's books. Chris Pine, this is from Allison, Chris Pine has always worked to maintain a rather professional air in his career. I remember his manager slash publicist slash whoever's saying he would never be allowed to pose nude because he was going to be a serious actor. And serious actors cannot be nude. I don't make the rules. Chris Pine's publicist apparently does. But I have in no way worked to find out if he has stayed true to his declaration. Still, it has made me consider him the classy man's actor. I have since learned that he is also known to have been a talented erotica writer and a discussion leader in his college years, thanks to a tweet by Dana Koster. And the tweet reads, let me pull it up really quick. I forgot to pull up. I student taught an erotica class at UC Berkeley in 2002, and Chris Pine was in it. He is a fantastic

writer and was never creepy, even though we were all constantly discussing sex. So he was in an erotica writing class and wrote erotica. This has led many fans to try tracking down any of his writing. And somewhere along the way, a common belief form that Pine was actually been continuing his writing career under the name Chuck Tingle. Chuck Tingle is a highly prolific writer, as we just said, queer erotica, over 300 titles since 2014. And here's some titles. My billionaire Triceratops Craves Gay Ass. That was his debut.

Slammed in the butt by my Hugo Award nomination. He has two nominations, actually. Pounded in the butt by my own butt. Pounded in the butt by my book. Pounded in the butt by my own butt. And, of course, pounded in the butt by my book, pounded in the butt by my book. Pounded in the butt by my own butt. Pines publicist refuses to comment on the theory, probably,

because it's the same dude who wouldn't let him slang-lang as dingle-dang for the cameras. And he's afraid of the sexiness. Tingle, however, loves commenting on the theory. And this is true. I looked at the tweet. It was kind of interesting. Chuck Tingle said, what, one thing Chuck Tingle about handsome Chris discourse is that my way as autistic Bud and by Bud is not visible.

So it warms my heart to see Bud saying it is not my. my place, assume Chris Pine is straight and neurotypical, he could be Chuck, who knows. So he's, he is finding it to be a compliment because he, uh, is autistic and by and that people are, are accepting a plausible theory that he, he could also be Chris Pine and not being like, well, he's not autistic or whatever. I don't know. Yeah. He's finding a way to make it a compliment in a weird way. Love it. Equalizing. We could all be Chris Pine. Yeah, man. My shift on the night desk is coming to a close, so I'll sign off, but as always, I appreciate the distraction while I'm at work.

Regardless of whether this conspiracy ever pops up in the show, all the love my butt could possibly contain Allison. And then she added a PS about there's an episode in season two of reservation dogs about a fish fucking cold, and she thinks that maybe it's a direct reference to Tom Cruise. And that's like a second season yet. Yeah, there's a standalone episode about a fish fucking cult. And they cut the head off the fish and they fuck the fish.

What? That's awesome. Is it? Yeah, reservation dogs. great. Well, yeah, I definitely think the show is great, but that's, I don't even know, you know, I mean, the whole thing just makes me upset. I guess, analpies and fish fucks and butt sucks. I mean, oh my. Oh, my. It's like, I've been on the show before. You're like, so do you believe? I believe, but also, if anyone has tracked down any of Chris Pines,

erotica, please send it to page 7 podcasts at gmail.com because I would love to read it. And there must be somebody out there that listens. It's like, I have it. Right. Please send it in again to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Do you believe MJ? Yeah, I think I believe it sounds great. It sounds like if Chuck Tingle is like, yeah, could be true.

You know, that's the biggest reason to believe of all. I mean, I'm just loved that there's actual foundational evidence here with the fact that he was an erotica writer. And you know what? Allison, he killed it. Awesome that the person tweeting about it was like he was totally in the class. and he was totally not a creep. That's refreshing. Is that a little refreshing lately with the fucking Army Hammer and the, you know, name my baby after your, you know what I mean?

You were just talking about this with Jay Leno. Now, I haven't actually looked into this. What is sex dirty filth? Why does he fuck his cars? Jeff and I were driving through Burbank and we saw Jay Leno in one of his little cars. I will say he parked like an asshole. Okay. We watched it.

We got out. We were just like, we openly, we like put down. down the windows, we're like, ah, ha, ha, ha. It's like, sweet, awesome, classic car that he parked, like, sideways in a parking spot. And then afterwards, we're like, I think Jay Leno never what, like, right? Is he, like, I know that he's milk toast, but as far as I know, he's not a bidman at all, I don't think.

Just the whole kind of like chromatica or whatever it is kind of thing. Oh, yeah, when he was dancing to Lady Gaga, when he was on stage of Lady Gaga, chromatica. Oh, yeah. Cromatica. Or what's the name of that car fuck movie that came out not long ago? He's like that a little bit. Oh, he has sex with the cars is what you're saying. Oh, man.

I don't know if I'd watch that tape, but I would, no, I think I can honestly say I wouldn't watch that tape. Yeah. Even if it was like one of the characters from the movie cars. That's what it was. Titan. Titania. Teatan is very scary, though. Even if it was Pixar's cars, it was one of them.

They were like talking and stuff. You know what if it's consensual and they're like, okay, buddy. I've never seen Cars. I don't know anything about Cars, but I imagine they talk like this. Isn't Brad Garrett one of them? I feel like this all comes full circle with everybody loves Raymond somehow.

You guys are both looking at me. Cars is one of the movie, the Disney Pixar movies, and I cannot bring myself to pay attention to. So I can't speak to it. It's a weird one. It's like their black sheep or something. Yeah.

I just, the talking cars don't do it for me. They don't do it for you. But I hope that the list does it for you. Oh! Yeah. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Celebrities with surprising sports skills.

Yeah, whatever. This makes you think of Holden because Holden watched football last week, and he's a ball hand now. I can't believe. Why am I weird for that? Don't even step to him because he's a buzz now. I enjoy a good sportsman's game. I think it's great that you enjoy a sportsman's game. I like, you have some wings, you have some beer every night and something happens.

In the same way that when you go rolling, which is bowling for the laymen out there, that you refer to it is rolling. I love. We had a friend come in town, and Jackie was like, we're going rolling tonight because I'll say that. And she was referring to bowling, and the friend got all excited, because she thought we were going to do a bunch of Molly.

Dance at a rave. It's like, no, no, we are in the hour of 30s. She's at quick lanes in the family room. Big letdown. Big old letdown. Bigel letdown. So funny.

I am here to not bring the party anymore. Isn't that kind of nice? You know, I used to be the party. Love and stop. And now I'm openly, when you watch me come into the door of a party, we're like, all right, I guess it's time to go to sleep. Let me go to bed. Oh, it's news alert Zabrowski coming to the door. I guess we got to switch over to the library rules.

Yeah, well, Steve Carell played hockey. You know what? It makes me want to kiss him even more. I didn't know he played hockey. He played Division 2 hockey at Denison University and even considered a career in the NHL. I'm watching him currently play a badman in a morning show. The Patient? Oh.

No, the morning show. He's the badman. I need to see the patient as well, but yeah, morning show he's like, oh, I didn't touch those girls. And we got it on camera. You know what I mean? We saw it on the show. Whatever. Oh, so it's Bill Clinton is on the show?

Is that who they was? He starts playing saxophone at our city a hole. Everybody's like, guys get the black food. Yeah, yeah, it was the whole thing. Yeah, but did you know Emma Watson? She never played quidditch. But she did play field hockey for Brown University. Now, there's a lot of field hockey people on this list.

I'm surprised you never played field hockey. I get so easily see you in that like uniform with the skirt. That's little stick? That's a tiny stick. It's kind of a tiny stick. It's like a cane. What's the difference between field hockey and lacrosse? Well, lacrosse has like a net netting in it and it like you scoop the ball up. It's a scooper.

Oh, it's a scooper. Whereas this is a stick and you're just smacking the ball. It's just fucking hockey in a field. I mean, it's exactly what it sounds like. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I guess. But isn't there, I guess, so there's roller hockey, there's ice hockey and then there's field hockey. Yes.

And one is play. So that's the one not on. wheels. We're on ice. No wheels. God damn. You're just on a flat foot. You're just running around.

Isn't that soccer? It's like croquet, but in a, but without the hoops or anything. Oh, I like croquet. I think that's confusing things. Croquet is a totally different game from my understanding. You're smacking a ball with a stick and then you're trying to get it into a goal. And there it is. Yeah, I did that a lot in my 20s.

Come on. All right. People, come on. And Neil degress Tyson, well, he was a high school wrestler. Did you know? Okay. I love it when you hate your own list. I know.

I'm like, Jackie, do you want to retire the list of doing a different feature for the show? Every week you're like, well, about this fucking fat for you? This idiot right here playing soup with his hands. He's like being aggressive with it. I think it's fun to be aggressive with it. Ah, this one of those my stomach hurts episodes. Just hit so many ridiculous ass fucking moments. I had no idea that Keanu Reeves play was the MVP goal.

This better actually be interesting. For the Dalaiol College hockey team and he was nicknamed the Wall. Wow. Which is really, really, really hot. And then he would go on to play The Wall in the Game of Thrones TV show. Oh my God. How did it? Oh my God, they brought him down with the crows.

Yeah, I mean, I love that musical. Help, but don't you think that probably. 75% of hockey goalies have been called the wall, though. Don't you think? Do you think that's really that special about Keanu, or is that just what we call that, you know, it's like call it a football player, like the tank, like, ah, you know? Right, right, right. Maybe he was the only wall at De LaSalle College hockey team.

Maybe. Maybe he was the only wall that they have ever had. And I just, it makes me, I remember, speaking of dated and related, I would only go watch Henry's. Why are we talking about it? Damn, no one was me about it. I'm so bad. You just want to take him.

I used to watch Henry's roller hockey team play just because he had a bunch of high Greek boys on his team and they were big and thick and sweaty. And I loved to be in the room and it was like, I could smell their sweat. And I thought that was really sexy when I was like 14. You know what? I think it's finally time for me to reread Camus the Stranger. I feel like I finally would get it now, would like truly get it. Oh, do you feel like you're trapped? You know, you're trapped in here with me?

I hope that every story you tell about Henry now begins, speaking of dating related. Speaking of data related. It's just, I can't believe how many time we keep bringing up a TV show. We none of us like watching it. None of us enjoy watching it. But it is our duty. We have to watch it.

We have to finish it for the people. It is definitely the kind of show where every doubting is. usually I have to have it on while I'm playing video games, so there's no other way for me to watch it. Every now to you just go, oh, fuck you, you idiot. You moron. I just get mad at like every facet of it.

Yeah, well, Jason Lee was a professional skateboarder, okay, before he got into acting, and isn't that interesting? That's fun. Ellie Kemper was a field hockey player. I'll play field hockey for fun. You're playing field hockey. Ed O'Neill was a college football player

And, um, Dan's a Washington Played basketball You're just saying facts now. I think it's fun. George Clooney tried out for the Cincinnati Reds. Jacobedia over here. You should open with that one, Jack?

That was a good one. Right, which one? George Clooney tried out for the Cincinnati Reds. But is he gay? Oh. With Harry Styles. Oh, my God, I'd watch it. I'd watch it any day.

And Marishola Ali played for St. Mary's on a basketball scholarship. He would do a graduate program for acting at New York University after his college B-ball career was done. I love you, Marjula. And that's my list. That's my list. Aren't you just, isn't your brain hurt from the knowledge I just dumped into it?

I just spewed into you. I feel like I just watched what it was like at high school when Jack had to give like a presentation. If the people aren't entertained and you got to make them, you got to make them listen, you know. If you want to be somebody, you know, Susrak too. Now the next time we're all watching some beautiful piece of art that has Mahershal Ali and we can turn to our friends and say knowingly,

he played college basketball. And then they're going to be like, I think I'm done being friends with you. I just feel like the love has died in our friendship. Yeah, man, when love is gone. When love is gone. When love is gone. When love is gone.

That'll be the theme song for Love is dead. Love is dead. I can't wait to pitch love is dead. All right, everybody. People love these relationship reality shows, right? What about a show about people just slowly ending one? That's what I'm saying. I love this.

Right? Yeah, the end. We get the divorce lawyers in. That'll be a whole segment of it. We get the, you know, we'll call it, maybe we just call it Marriage Story, the TV show. It would just be really, really sad. Yeah. That would be my two loves reality TV and really, really sad anything.

I want to be like couples therapy meets too hot to handle, right? I love this idea. I love that idea. Yeah. Right. MJ, what do you think? I love it. I think we're perfectly suited

to be the co-creators of the show. You know, friends could submit, like, do you have a couple where the love is obviously dying? Submit that's as long as they're under... Let's help them along. As long as they're under 27, because I can't see any, like,

olds on the TV screen. I'll make my penis shrivel up and then I'll get shriveled penis disease. Oh, yeah. I want them puffed up. Yeah. I want them sucked in. I was just talking before

those woman's lips. Data related makers. Interesting that you're bringing up dating and related now. Speaking of data and related. She's that they can't talk because I'm left up and play that. It's just too much.

You know, you can't hear what they're saying. You can't hear it, but aesthetically, it also looks bad. All right, let's get into it. Here we go. Oh, my dear God, I think that I may be going Blind. Items.

Oh, I can't see them. I love this blind. whatever. This former actress turned A-List singer will announce her split with the A-List music manager sometime this month. Thank God, maybe I won't hate her so much, but I'll always hate him.

Ariana. And... Scoot, scoot, scoot. Give him the boot, boot. Scoot, scoot, getting the fucking boot boot, bro. Give him the boot. Get him out here. I hope that's true, because I just think this guy

just makes everybody a little lamer. I was so sad. I did an episode on Sye recently. He's Syes. Okay. Gump style. We did an episode on that, and was The Bruiser. And it's so funny that in I'm glad my mom died. There is a definite chapter dedicated to Ariana Grande like piecing out on the TV show and leaving her in the dust. And even though she definitely is like, I get it. She has a music career. Very funny to see her show up as a villain though at the same time in that book. I was curious to see what you thought about that actually because yeah. And I feel like the all the press coverage was just like, ooh, meow, cats.

fight, but like... No, she was very even keeled. It was like, obviously, yeah. And she was more mad at the exploitative industry, you know? Right, exactly. It's more about like, you know, the industry was setting them against each other.

But I did want, since you hate her, I did think that you would love that. Well, yeah, I just feel like she should get a big w tattooed on her forehead because she's whatever. Oh, I thought she, because she's a winner. No. Because everyone would think it's for winning. No, I'd be like, oh wow, did you get that for winning?

It looks bad. And she'd be like, no, it's because I'm so whatever. Or it's for warrior. Wah ha! What if she starts becoming Wario? If she did a whole like, I'm doing an alter ego

for my next album, my next album, I'm Wario Grande, and she did a full Warrior. That would win me the fuck. Warriana Grande would win me the fuck back, Oriana. So if you want to do that,

we can meet up, and I will shake your hand. Wow, I bet she'll do it just for that. Right? There's no way she wouldn't. I'll show, we'll go to the field hockey course and we'll stand upon it.

With their little sticks. Yeah, they're running. Don't be it. Anywhere near any marble fountains, though. No, I get your jaw blast it off, bitch. Oh, God, it hung off his face. Data didn't and related. All right, this next one.

This next one's one of those blinds. It just is also an interesting story to talk about that was not in the artis that we haven't mentioned. It is nice for the music magazine to confirm what I already told you. I'll just go ahead and say it's Rolling Stone. That's a weird part of the blind. Like, why is that the blind? The school run by the A-list rapper makes everyone sign contracts

which is sure all money generated by the students and there will be lots, goes directly into the pockets of the rapper for as long as possible. MJ, shaking their head, what do you got for me? It's Kanye. Yep, and do you know the name of the school? I don't know what's like creepy Jesus school. Creepy Jesus school, yeah. That's it.

Perfect. It's the Dundah Academy. Close enough, though. M.J., yes, the Dundee Academy named after his late mother. Rolling Stone recently reported that Ye is, quote, moving into education with Dundee Academy. I'd seen little glimpses of this on, Instagram. Obviously, part of the fight with him and Kim recently was her not just like having

his kids full-time go to this like magic academy that he created. That doesn't seem to have like real structure or is run by an actual- And she's like, no, I want them to go to real school. Yeah. Sorry. I think that's kind of the thing. They're going to real school. It's his own private school, of course, named after Professor Donda West, headquartered in Simi Valley, California. The tuition-based Christian Prep school's mission, according to its website, is to quote, prepare students to become the next generation of leaders through an ethic of integrity and care. The school offers a daily schedule including full school worship, core classes of language, arts, math, science, lunch and recess, enrichment courses including world language, visual

art, film, choir, and of course, parkour. Oh, that sounds fine. In case you find yourself in a little bit spot, you got to get out of an alley. I get how fundamental all of the other ones are that it just ends with. Parcour, obviously. And leaping from building to building, like your Batman. And yes, sources told the magazine that families are required to sign a non-disclosure agreement, which is very iffy.

This paper they have to sign. The person listed as the head of the school, by the way, has no formal experience as an educator outside of just like teaching piano and like other instrument lessons. And they are currently, though, enrolled in a master's program in education. They're on the track to get the master's. Yeah, they're getting there. Do not leave your children with people who. With Kanye West.

I thought you were about to say with Kanye West. With Kanye West is like the number one. Like if you have the opportunity to leave your children with Kanye West, don't do it. And then I think just zooming out, it's like just to know, at least have they been back, like, whatever. But like background checked. Like some level of training certification. Like, please know who you're leaving your children with. Talking about this on the heels of, I'm glad my mom died, it's, like, directly in line, right?

The people who are submitting their kids to this are definitely those kinds of parents who are like, and I think the main reason right now is like the basketball team and the choir, right? Because like the choir gets to sing at the Sunday service sessions and like they're, you know, the whole idea is I think like, oh, I'm going to get them into the music business. Also, fun anecdote. My last thing here for this one. A famous basketball player visited and visited a few. of the students on the basketball team,

and the students gave him their autographs. Whoa. Because they know that in their heart they will be famous one day. Isn't that fun? That's fine. That's fine. That's not fun. I like fostering belief in children.

It's for fame. You should not be trying to make fame like the goal. Right. Yeah. For your children. It's so funny because. You're shooting for something. At least like they're trying to achieve something.

I'd rather ambition than no ambition. But to be famous should. not should really truly not be your goal at the age of eight it's also like it's like the it's like the exact photo negative opposite of like lebron starting his school which is just like this is actually a public school and like we're just going to like give all families a bunch of resources uh we're going to just kind of kind of going to try to like fill in the like material resource gaps that are there for like families and i think it's cleveland right but like it's like whereas you know this is just like obviously a vanity project and yeah i mean i i don't even want to mention the

Tiffany Haddish thing, which we did not talk about on the show, but it's just like, oh my God. That just breaks my heart. It's just so scary. Like I would like, I think that the, what I tell my kids is like most adults are great and most adults are kind and like most people in the world are helpers. And like, but also you just not everybody is. And just don't leave your kids with a with a fucking ego maniac famous person who just wants your money and who you don't, you know, who you don't know anything about. Yeah. And I will say too, I do every day show winning a picture. of Ezra Miller and I just go, bad man. Stay away from man here. Them, them, bad, bad person. Bad they. Most people are good. Ezra Miller is not good.

Not good. No, no good. You can do better than Ezra. All right. Oh, yeah. This last one is. Oh, my God. Repres.

Yeah, love has died. I think love is died and dated related. I'm gonna name the baby Sumner. He's gonna name the baby Sumner, Adam Levine is. As long as it's a boy, because if it has a vagina, he doesn't want to make the connection between the one he had sex with on the road. Oh, Lord, how can he cheat on her? All right, here we go.

The last one, this foreign-born A-list actor has starred in at least three movie franchises. He drunkenly threw up all over the woman he has been seeing. Ooh. He's broody. Okay, he's a broody boy. He's made you quake, I think, in moments. Have I quaked for this person before? I believe so, yes.

But he's a brood. Oh, he's so brutes. Oh, he's an A-list? Yes, M-J, how dare you, Jackie? Unbelievable. Who else? It's like that. Now, the woman, I'm going to give some bad hints for the woman,

because I don't even really know who, I've heard her name, but I don't know what she does. Her last name is a building that holds a liquid. Tank. Gowan. In her first. Pool. And her first name rhymes with Duky. What?

Do you know who is? No, I just, it was not what I was expecting you to say. So, Duky. Suki's backhouse? Oh, yeah, Suki. Is it Suki? And then Blankhouse. It is something house?

Suki. Suckie. Sack house is from true blood. No. But, no, I don't know this person. So, name different liquids, obvious liquids. Water house. Yes, Suki Waterhouse.

Obviously. She's a model. She's a model. Yeah, she's a model. She's a model. She better not be nice. She's been with him for four years. She better not be 27, though, dude.

I'm going to throw up all over my jeans. Don't worry. She was born in 1992. Oh, thank God. Yeah, she's fine. She's 13 years old. We're just getting older, Holden. Oh, my Lord.

Ninety-2. She's 30 years old. Wow, what an old beast. Why would you mean fucking an old beast like that? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, this woman is a beat, this hot, super model. Maybe a super wild.

Yeah, I am yucked out. She's so hot. She's so hot. A building that holds liquid being water. Building that all's liquid, yeah. And then Suki rhymes in Tugi. Yeah, so I was. Yeah, you did great.

You did a good job. But I didn't know what else to say about her. I didn't know if you guys would know her. All right. Well, anyways, see you again and all that. That's great, man. Wait, he puked. Yeah, he got a little truck and threw up all over.

Which I love the mental image of Robert Pats. I mean, you know, some I choose for the story like Dundee Academy. You know, some I choose for personal reasons like the Ariana Grades Scooter Broad. This one, it's a mental image. Of him peaking all over someone so hot. And my head, he's in the Batman costume, hammered. And just, it's like a bottle of whiskey. I love whiskey in 10 a.

Yeah. But he just fucking bits. He yikes all over. Oh, thank you. I did need that mental image. And I hope that you at home needed it too today. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's episode of page seven. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

You can follow me on Instagram of Jack That Worm. You can follow us over on the TikToks at page 7 LPN. All three of us are making content now. Come and check it out. And you can come hang out with me on Sundays and Tuesdays and Wednesdays over on Twitch. TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. You should definitely come and hang out with me. We play dating sims on Sundays.

We talk about sex with Dr. Jordan, who is a sex therapist on Tuesdays. And on Wednesdays, I play, these are the Sims of our lives, where I am creating all of the people of LPN. And yes, we are all going to woo-hoo with each other. And, um, Holden? Check me out, Twitch. com. forward slash Holdenators Ho, it will blow your mind what you see on there.

Monday, Tuesday, Friday streams, Jacking with the Holdies on Fridays, 6 p.m. E.T. It'll freak you out, man. It'll make you jump out of a window like you're on 8 too much acid. Every time I look at him, I go, ah! Yeah, the snar beast is going to make an appearance this week. So check that, yes. I hate the snarbees. Everyone hates the snarbees.

No. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Please send those conspiracies. I have actually some other juicy ones down the pipeline, but still, you can always use more. Thank you so much. MJ? My name is MJ and I am MJKLKat on Instagram.

All right. Now it's time for the shout-out song. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote in about. Come on. We're going to read it to you. Come on. Thank you, thank you.

Thank you all for sending in your shoutouts. Thank you so much for every week, thinking of us and sending in shoutouts and lists and just general merriment, general merriment, to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I really appreciate you taking the time, and I just love you guys so much. I'm just so excited to be able to be celebrating some friends today. Like Bridget, I want to say, yay, birthday shoutouts! Bridges says I could really do with a birthday shoutout from you guys this year. My birthday is October 4th. It's been a really shitty year for me

between getting admitted to a psych ward and work issues. Besides my husband and daughter, you guys and everybody at LPN have been a constant happy spot in my life. Thank you for being you guys and making me laugh every week. Well, thank you for listening, Bridget. The song The Little Mermaid that you guys were trying to remember was called A Part of Your World. I had to laugh when MJ mentioned that everybody uses that song for auditions because I used that to try out for my high school production of Lay Miz and I got into Congrats and I got to know who did you play.

Please tell me, please just send it to page of a podcast at gmail.com so then I can dream of someone getting that part by singing a part of your world. Also, Bridges said, I also have had cocoa melon leak into my household. It feels unavoidable if you have kids. I love Bluey, though. It is not a long email, and I appreciate your birthday shout-out. Happiest of birthdays to you, baby. Hell yeah. I'm so proud of you for shouting yourself out.

And speaking of Little Mermaid and Skylar, how dare you say you probably won't care, but I do really care. I love a fun fact. Skyler says a lot of racist-ass bigots keep saying Ariel can't be black because it's from Denmark, which is primarily white. Well, the original tale is actually dark as fuck. where the Little Mermaid dies in the end. The most important part is it is an allegory for homosexuality.

Hans Christian Anderson was a gay man in love with a straight man that he could never have a chance with. When the Little Mermaid has legs, he wrote that every step she takes feels like a thousand dagger stabbing her feet. This is the pain he felt with his isolated, unrequited love. Anyway, ruin a bigot's day. I would love to ruin any bigot's day. Thank you so much, Skyler, for sending in the fun fact.

I love a fun mermaid fact. And next up, we've got Michelle, and I'm already going to say, Guffa ha, Michelle, because you fucking deserve it. Michelle says, I wanted to give a shout-out to myself. Oh, you know I love a self-shadow. I know it's pretty selfish. It is not. How dare?

How many times can I say, how dare? In one shout-out session. I love you, Michelle. Michelle says, I know you guys are going to be proud of me. My wife and I got pregnant. Well, I got pregnant during the pandemic. Like at the beginning of the pandemic. Oh, we had our beautiful baby girl in November of 2020,

and then I slipped into a little depression slash anxiety swirl and turned to alcohol. Today, I am one month alcohol free, and I am on some good anxiety meds. So if I could request a little thing, of course, would Jackie say, That's a guvaha for me. Yes, Michelle, gufaha. You are killing it. I'm so proud of you because I know how difficult it is,

especially to start that road. And I'm so proud of you for sticking with it. Michelle says, I really, really love you guys. And also, MJ, help me through some really bad times during the pandemic, even if they don't know it

when we were messaging on Instagram. And I sent that over, Michelle. And MJ was so touched that you called them out. Thank you so much, Michelle, for sending in, yourself shout out because you fucking deserve it, baby. And last but certainly not least, we have a big old shout out to Allison. Allison really opened up via email and I want to say thank you so much for opening up to a

complete stranger and educating me about what you were going through in your body. And also extra thank you for the beagle pictures because I love beagle pictures. They look so cute. They just want to give me a kiss. and I wanted to give them a kiss. Now, Allison, unfortunately, I did have to cut down some of your email, but I did want to make sure I got most of the meat across, and thank you so much for educating me and opening up my eyes to what you were going through.

Allison says in 2015, I was diagnosed with IBD, an autoimmune disease of the gut. 16 months after my very first symptoms, I had been in the hospital twice already, with the second visit being over a month long, where absolutely nothing worked. My crones never really stopped being aggressive. It's not common that this illness is so severe and so fast. With my new system, I still can't eat vegetables, nuts, fruits, spicy food, or seeds. It's limited my diet so much.

90 to 95% of your serotonin receptors are in your gut, and I'm missing so much that it's almost medically impossible for me to not have chronic depression. It's hard mentally. I'll have to date with essentially a shit bag attached to my stomach. My best friend has been there for every surgery, who is my rock, who is the only person who has consistently visited me in the hospital. They even dyed my hair in there once, and who would visit me at home while I was recovering

and take me out to make me feel normal. They're the only person who I never have to remind of my diagnoses or what's going on or my symptoms and limitations, because every time something happens, they research it extensively to learn all about it. They even read personal testimonies and blogs. They are my platonic soulmate truly. But this past Thursday, they moved to Ireland for one year. I'm so happy for them and so, so proud of them,

but this is the first time they won't be there for a surgery. But after my first three surgeries, I immediately went back to school. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering, and I've been working at an architecture and engineering firm ever since. 40 hours a week, even though I am so tired afterwards, I can only sit on the couch and watch TV. I take 15 daily medications and I have about 10 doctors and I'm on top of all of it because no one else is. The quality I most like about myself is my endurance. I keep going no matter what.

It might take me a bit to get something done, but I'll always finish it. What I need right now is some good vibes and a shout out to myself for never giving up, for putting in the work. As Marcus says, mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. My mental and physical health is my responsibility. I take care of it all by myself, and I'm proud of that. I'm independent financially. I don't give up hope that I'll have a family of my own one day, even though my brain tries to tell me that no one can love me with all my health issues and disabilities.

I'm proud of what I've accomplished. I'm ready for the six to eight week recovery period. I've been calling it a vacation because I won't have to work. But if I could get some good vibes sent my way, in whatever way people choose from the page 7 community, I would appreciate it so much. And Allison, I want you to know I'm including you in my positive vibes ritual this week. All of my love is being sent to you, and I hope that you can feel it through your ear holes right now. You got this. I'm so sorry you won't have your friends help through this, but you got this because you've made it through so much already.

And I'm so fucking proud of you. Hell yeah, Allison. Please can we give a hail, Allison, throw it out into the ether, say it aloud if you can, make it cement in your mouth. And even though that sounds like you're never going to talk ever again. But again, thank you so much, Alison, for educating me on your illness, as well as everybody else for sitting in such great things, including the fact that, I mean, Leah Michelle cannot read everybody, no matter how many TikToks she puts up, claiming that she can. I don't believe it, and I'll believe it when I see it. I also wanted to give a quick shout out to Ellie, who just sent an email with the subject line. He said, okay, but seriously. And inside the email, it says, I just finished Dear Zachary and what the actual fuck. I love you, Ellie.

Sorry I did it to you, but also not sorry. I'm glad you watched it. I love you guys. And we will be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.