Page 7 - Ep. 466: Did You Kill My Cat for Attention, Jackie?

Episode Date: September 30, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout creams, the Sims of Our Lives, a Riverdale actor who killed his mother, Mariah Carey's grunge album, the Bridgerton musical lawsuit, the PR stunts behind Smile, Stallone gettin' back with the woman whose face he had removed from his flesh, Ye's super cool flip flops, Franzia getting into the costume game, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; is Cats a cursed Filmic Experience?! A REMINDER ABOUT THE UPCOMING TOUR, da liszt, and Blinds! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yeah, saying this to the pharmacist who gave me my flu shot and my booster shot yesterday. Rolling down the street, smoking in dough, sipping on gin and juice. Laid back. Where my mind on my money and my money on my mind. Rolling down the street smoking inno, sipping on gin and juice. Laid back. With my mind on my money on my mind. She didn't understand why I was singing it to her.

Yeah, I don't understand why I was singing it to her. Well, she's putting the juice in my arm. And in my head, I was like, oh, you're squirting the juice in my arm. If you're done blame it on my juice. No, I didn't even do this. No, I went right to gin and juice. And then I immediately was just like, oh, man,

back in the day when you would go get a swisher and fucking roll that shit up, can't smoke the swishers anymore. Harts my froze. I remember that. I'm old now. Also, confession alert, I hate drying off my hands after I've washed my hands in the bathroom.

Thank you, Jackie, for your confession. Welcome to page seven. I got, I got, we are, bewildered everyone to know she was the only one clapping. We are bewildered right now, MJ. That was so, just a succession of bizarre singing to the flu shot lady. Yeah, man.

Clapping about. You love it. So, I mean, I'm kind of with you lately because of my wedding ring. I don't like that wet, how the little wet spot happens underneath the, you know. Oh, I leave the wet. I like it wet. I wanted to try naturally. Why?

Because I think it's, you know what, I'm like an earth goddess. Okay. It's because we don't want to use the air dryers because they blow about all the aerosolated fecal matter. Yeah, that's no good. Yeah, I heard that's no good. Also, it's a time waster. You know, they're going to dry on their own, but I will say it does frustrate Jeff often because he goes to grab my hand to like hold my hand. He goes, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, yeah. Because my hands are just like, oh, dripping wet. Nothing worse than a, grabbing a wet hand. Oh, yeah. I remember in high school, people would always be like, oh, my hands are wet, but I didn't pee on them. It's because I washed them. And it's like, why? I still say it.

Yeah. I still go, not piss. Not piss. Yeah. Who's pissing on their own hand? I mean, you know what I was going to say, but apparently Jackie still needs to clarify. If there's a drop of, that would be like a tiny dribbled of wetness on a hand. Like putting both your hands in there.

Fully wet hand. Buddy, I get it. I am hydrated. I think you're not hydrated enough. That too. Well, I just don't like a wet hand. I'm not a moisturizer guy. I don't like rubbing...

Creams. Creams. Caley hand. You prefer dry scales. Yeah. Kind of, yeah, a lot. Very much so. I just think that I hate slimy...

Who wants a slimy foot? I don't get you people with that. I cream up. MJ, do you cream up? I'm covered in creams. I should cream up more. I've always been meaning to cream more. Right.

It's on my... Your cream regimen is lacking. Because every skin needs stricks. I tell you what. Ooh, I just wanted to take a minute. And I wanted to promo our stricks stream on October 5th because we are going to be giving your dating apps. Yes, your dating apps a little bit of a page 7 overhaul.

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and please come and join us on October 5th over on Twitch.combe forward slash Holdenators Ho. I forgot totally that I do use moisturizer all the time. But listen, your daily moisture. Jackie's talking about a whole regimen of creams that we as aging. people are expected. We got to cream our chests. We got a cream. We got to have our night creams, our hand creams, our foot creams, our leg creams. And that's what's hard for me. I always cream my face every morning. But then I go to the TikToks and then I see all the TikToks that are

evil. The creams are bad. That it's just a capitalism bullshit telling that the creams are evil. Of course that's the one. Are the creams evil or are they good? Cream put into different bottles. If you get your, first of all, it's all one cream being put in different bottles. Absolutely. Second of all, they're getting your skin dependent on their product. You have to use the product for the rest of your fucking life. My brother's theory used to be, well, I can't use lotion because then my body will be dependent on it and I'll have to use it all the time. And I was like, I don't think that's a chapstick thing.

I think that's a chapstick thing. I mean, if you're feeling extra dry, I could kind of see, you know, at one point my hand did get gross scales at some point when I was where it was in the wintertime in New York City. Yes, it's winter. It was only on my right hand, but on my knuckles, on my right hand, it got really straight up. What is your right hand doing right now? No, no. It got all crackly and, yeah, it got an eyeball on it and all sorts of things. Then it kept just being like, yeah, you should start a podcast.

Feed me the cream. No. Oh, you're feeding the hand the cream. So I did use a moisturizer just on that part of my hand because it was like bleeding. You were like, I'm not going to let this moisturizer touch anywhere else in my body. Right. Except for the bleeding hand. I moisturized my nostrils I moisturized back when I got that nose bleed, you know.

So when I get kind of bloody nose in the morning or whatever from dryness, I will squirt that saline in there. Got to get that juice, man. Yeah, blame it on it. See? Say it again. Layed back. Loaning in. My am laid back.

You technically have to be laid back to squirt the saline solution in your nose. right because if you're sitting upright it'll just pour right down your lips. That's not true you give a snuck. Sorry, I'm not a cocaine user, Jackie. I forgot that you have different means. I don't know. I'm pretty sure I don't use any kind of uppers anymore.

Grabbing her stomach. My big old. No, no, you could be a fat cocaine. Fat people can be cockey. You're right. All right. I'm going back to it. Okay, I'm putting it back in my regiments.

I'm going back to blow cane. And then I put my creams on. And then I really put my creams on. You really want to get those creams on there. You want to get lathered. Is there any part of your body that... Riding your teeth and rubbing in your cream. Is there any part of your body

that doesn't receive a cream at some point in the day? I don't cream my belly too often. It's so funny if you're rubbing into the slathering creams on your stomach. For stretch marks. Yeah, stretch marks you got to put it on. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, they're like the whole body. Lexi, I forgot. Yeah, you're doing a lot of creams and when pregnant and stuff too. Jackie has an announcement to make. Ew, my sim is pregnant. Honestly, if you come and hang out with me in the Sims of Our Lives on Wednesday over on Twitch.com TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. I've built the entire LPN network.

I am now building their homes. And my sim, because every like half hour or so I'll stop and I'll make my sim go of sex, I'm sorry, woo-hoo with Jeff Sim. And then we were given the option to try for a baby. And the bed is out in the front yard of the house so everybody can see. And he put a baby inside of me. I did cry. I did Jenny.

That's ridiculous. But I will say. Can I tell everybody that you texted me about how you cried? And also, the LPN did level a lawsuit to Jackie for a conference. Copyright infringement. We did settle out of court, though. Out of court. Just like Bartles and.

Yep. Bartles. James? Blarney Stones. Oh, yeah, yeah. So now they have to kiss my rocks every time. Every time they come into the studio, the last podcast. Apparently don't do that, though.

Apparently don't kiss the Barthstone. People piss on it who live in the Blarney area. Speaking of piss, man. Always speaking a piss. Always talking about it. Don't worry. It's just what. Don't worry.

It's just brown fudge. Sometimes your lips are covered in pudding And fudge and did your hands in piss And sometimes you were on Riverdale for just a second And now people are saying you are like the Riverdale killer Yes I'm talking about Ryan Grantham The dude that was in Diary of a Wimpy Kid And also okay

I needed to track down Where this young person I am sorry he is a murderer He did kill his mother And he's finally been said But Jackie's more fixated on the fact that she can't remember what Riverdale. But wait, let me, because I'm pretty sure I know because people, people keep sending this to me and Jackie. Right.

And I also at first was like, oh, wow, him, but did not know who it was. No idea. But this is why I think, and it's, of course, murder is never funny. It's not at all funny that this man is a murderer, child, boy, whatever. I'm not sure whether he's not yet a man. no longer a boy. But in any case... He's 24 years old.

Looks like a child, though. Fully a man, but he does look like a young. All right. Well, he, if correct me, Jackie, I'm pretty sure that I... McIvered together the knowledge that the irony of him being an actual murderer is that he was the one in Riverdale

who allegedly... who murdered Luke Perry with his car. How did you remember? And then Luke Perry actually died. Yeah, dude. Well, they had to kill him off in the show because he died. Wait, so they murdered him? Yeah, dude.

With a hit and run. With a hit and run. That's so gnarly, dude. Archie, so in this episode, Archie goes after the dude that did the hit and run. He figured out who it was. And he's menacing the father. He's got the father up against the wall. And then the teenager comes out and it was actually him who did it.

And Archie's like, oh, man. Oh, man. Just the youth making a bad choice, man. Oh, my father, man. kid who just made an accident. My dad, Luke Perry, would be the first to forgive a kid who accidentally killed him, which is true in the universe of the show.

But yeah, so the irony is... In the outer universe of the show, he's an actual killer. He was found with a car loaded with three guns, ammunition, 12 Molotov cocktails. And a Justin Trudeau's house. And a printed map with a plan to kill the Canadian Prime Minister. So, he is, man, you know, we need to talk about Ryan Grantham,

I guess. Sometimes, you know, the bad people play the bad people and the bad people come out in their outer verse. We're getting last podcasty over here. Oh my God, it's so dark. I think it must have been somebody. Should I do Charles Ang? Is that what the one?

Yeah. Should I do the impression? It must have been somebody who told me that that's what the kid was from. Because yeah, neither of Jackie or I could remember he's not a big character on Riverdale. I think he was in literally one episode, maybe two. And it was at a rough time

when everyone was wondering, how is Riverdale going to handle the death of Luke Perry? Are they going to handle it well? And the answer was, I don't think so. I don't think so. I didn't know. Did they actually show the hit? No.

How did they die in between seasons? Well, I know, but they could have done the Sopranos thing where they like CGI them. They don't have that kind of money. They did. Yeah, that's true. Didn't they like use some B-roll that they had of him? It wasn't like a totally like Princess Leia at the end of Rogue One situation.

It was like flashbacks. Yeah. They did like flashbacks of like him. They still do. Like he's still like, we'll just like look at a picture of his father watching over him. Like Luke Perry's ghost is alive and well on the set of Riverdale. I feel like if I ever,

I need to like this will never happen. I'm going to preface with that. But if I ever got a show like that, I would put it in the clause. I'm gonna put it in the claw. Hold on me. He will get a show like that. Yeah, there you go.

And he will put in the claws. Like, if I die in real life, you have to kill me off via like a genie or something. You know what I mean? I'll put like a weird, all specific, like, then the monster squad forms, right? And like in,

and I'm like turned into a werewolf or something like that. And they have to like kill me that way or something. Oh, yeah. No, I put it in there. Because the real life tragic death of Luke Perry had ramifications in the fictional world of Riverdale that I think no one was prepared for. And I often wonder what would have happened to Archie had Luke Perry the actual real life man, not died. It's like Heath Ledger for, you know, with the Batman movies. You know what I mean?

Because the whole thing would have been completely different, that third movie. What if I? Bain, oh my God, is Bain in the room? Our impressions are just unbelievable today. I'm horny. I'm so horny. Yeah, but would you, if you had said television show, would you make a secret grunge album the way Mariah Carey has? Unbelievable.

What about the grunge album? When are we going to get the grunge album? I let me clarify this because if you go on YouTube and you look up, what is it again, Chick? Or what is it? Chick is the name of the band that they release. So we are talking about Mariah Carey is going to be releasing fairly soon. Now, we talked about this when we did the Mariah Carey episodes over on pop history, that she has a secret grunge album called Someone's Ugly Daughter by the band named Chick that was released very quietly

because it was during her time when she was completely owned by her husband and the company that she worked for. So this is while she was making the pop album Daydream and she wasn't allowed to release it because it was too much different from her regular R&B flair. So now, after the memoir came out, she talked about it in the memoir, then people rallied for it. And she's like, I'm going to find it. I'm going to find the bastards.

I love secret albums. Prince had that secret album as well that we talked about in the Prince episode. And this is very similar. And I do hope it comes on earth. I mean, so you can actually go on YouTube and listen to a stripped down version of at least one of the songs where Mariah Carey's only doing background vocals on it. But what she's going to release is like the full thing

with her lead vocals on it. I'm so interested. She even did the album art, a cockroach with some scrawled lipstick. She, Mariah Carey herself, made the album art. But that is a sexy cockroach, like with the lipstick on and the thigh high tights and everything. It's so hot. I love it.

I love it. I can't wait. I can't wait to hear this album. This is like totally my shit. I love it. And it's great because it's not like, it's not like Mariah Carey right now making a grunge album, which would probably be very not fun to listen to.

But a 1995 grunge album from her will probably be really fun to listen to. I know what a this. Yeah. Oh my God, a Christmas grunge album. That's not a Christmas grunge album. That'd be so fun. Very, very here. please.

Yeah, yeah. Noel, No, wow. Yes. You're a shitty man. You know what I mean? I don't know. They changed the lyrics up

probably a little bit, right? Elizabeth Chan. I was just trying to see if there was any more word on the whole trademark dispute of the Queen of Christmas against Elizabeth Chan. Unbelievable.

But we know in our hearts that she'll never be the Queen of Christmas to us. Also, I just want to clarify the settling a lawsuit out of court about the Sims thing reference that I made was my poor attempt in a segue into the Bridgerton musical lawsuit from Netflix.

I feel like people are like, the Blarney Sisters, what the fuck is he talking about? I'm... It was a really... That's when you know it's a really good segue. That's when you know you're like, oh... Jack, he was just like, Blarney sisters. Well, anyways, I think...

Believe it other news, a woman was murdered. Moved it on. And you led with the murder story. Moved it on. We have to talk about the Riverdale murderer. I guess. We have to. He barely was in it.

He was barely in the show. Yes, but we are told about it all the time. And I needed to figure out what he did in Riverdale. That is the, but we are here to see the news. Oh. You know, people come to us because they know. We're never wrong. So what is it Buckley and Bernstein or what's the name of the...

A good segue, you don't even know their names. Emily Farr and Abigail Barlow. Barlow and Bear, my bad. Oh, my God. Sounds like a fucking British cane store. You know what I mean? It sounds like a British, like, hat museum. No, the unofficial Bridgette's musical.

We brought this up just in a sidebar last episode. And Netflix apparently did settle out of court about the copyright lawsuit over unofficial Bridgeton musical. But what does that mean? Yeah, it didn't say, at first I thought I was going to, I was like, oh, wow, what a boon for Bernie and Blarnie. Really in the blarney right now? Yeah, I like a blarney.

You're knee deep in Blarney and I'm scared for you. Yeah, yeah. I like, oh, and Bade likes Blarney too. Why is Baird like an old man? Like a dying old man, Bates. I'm one of those people that's sexually attracted to buildings. I once married a Ferris wheel. You married a Ferris wheel.

Where did you put your holes on it? Oh, I put a pocket pussy in the face of it. Oh, that makes sense. And you're just gripping onto the side of it as it's turning as you're trying to slowly hump the side. Well, the young couples find love for the first time. Oh, yeah, man. You can't keep your hands off of each other, man and machine. The two women settled the lawsuit.

He settled the lawsuit out of court. But it didn't really say who kind of, it seems like, in favor of Netflix. I think it's in favor of Netflix, which is, I think, part of the. reason why they're not. It's like, why they're doing a Taco Bell musical now instead of a, I kind of feel bad for them, but at the same time

I, and I talked about this, I think, last time this story came about, I mean, you can't just, you can't just perform a musical completely ripped from a copywritten TV show at the Royal Albert Music Hall. That's like a huge venue.

It makes sense, but I wasn't like, in my brain, I thought it was like, oh, it's the evil Netflix corporation, coming down on the people and their freedom to make fun new spin-off art. But Shonda Rhymes, who's the show creator, did say, what started as a fun celebration by Barlow and Bear on social media, has turned into the blatant taking of intellectual property solely for Barlow and Bear's financial benefit. This property was created by Julia Quinn and brought to life on screen through the hard work of countless individuals.

Just as Barlow and Bear would not allow others to appropriate their IP for profit, Netflix cannot stand by and allow Barlow and Bear to do the same with Bridgeton, which Shonda Rhymes is a show creator. get, well, like, I would also be like, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because they were selling tickets to go see it. So once- And merch that had, like, Bridgerton shit all over it, you know what I mean, from the show. That's- I don't want to bring a lawyer right before you do that. Exactly. It's unfortunate, but yeah, I think there should have been some action taken to try to, like, do that kind of.

I mean, it's just, I get it, though. It's like a game of chicken, like, copyright chicken, right? Like, they started with the TikTok thing, and everybody, oh, my God, she's turned into a copyright. Right chicken. Holy Lord, she's stealing other people's IPs. Oh my God, she's making a Transformers musical, but you can't take that. That's my name's property. That was me eating a chicken pot pie. I was eating my own mother. Oh, my God, Ryan Grantham.

Wow. What? What? Jesus, that's dark, Jackie. What the fuck? What is this show? Well, at least we'd never make fun of the victims, right? Just like last podcast. You know, it's all good. He didn't eat his mother. I was going to say something about TikTok, but it's gone now. Oh, no. I think that the thing that's tricky slash interesting about the Bridgetton musical is that TikTok is a place where basically it's just a festival of intellectual property sharing, right?

Yes, totally. It's just all other people sounds. I'm learning this because I'm on TikTok. Oh my God, page 7 LPN. And that's why I called it like copyright chicken right. To clarify that at all. Was it started off like, we can do this right. We can do this right.

And on the lower level of TikTok, it's like, yeah, it's fine. I love it because actually you're helping us, you know, just like a Twitch streamer, streaming a video game can help popularize different IPs, right? So it works for the game maker a lot of times. But I wonder if you could do some research. that you could probably find that some games might be negatively affected by that they might sell less copies because i just saw this other person play through this very story-based game so now i don't need to play it myself right like when you watch let's plays i think you could do some science

math on it but at the end of the day you know you're you're just uh always going to be like kind of ripping something a little bit yes with ticot right it starts so the the the navigation companies have to make when it comes like, is this helping blow out our IP and like making it more and more popular? Probably a lot of people found Bridgeton through the TikTok musical sessions, right? Which is the case. But then once you get to a certain point and that point is not super well defined per se, but once you get to Royal Albert Music Hall and a giant, you know, merch desk with like Bridgeton IP shit all over it, I mean, that's when, you know, it gets hard for me to defend

they're, you know, pursuing that. Yeah. But at the same time, you, it's crazy how popular it got because in my head... The musical's good. In my head, I'm thinking off Broadway, right? Like, that's where you would think it would go first. But instead, it's like just immediately in

the biggest venues. And honestly, if they haven't, if they didn't, like, shoot for the moon and try to land among the stars or whatever, that's how you get fucked. Like, if they started smaller, They probably would have gotten away with it for a while. I wonder if they had like done more of a, yeah, like a smaller, yeah. But I don't think they could.

It was, they won a fucking Grammy. So it's like impossible to say, oh, we'll just do a off-Broadway run, off-off-Broadway run of this show, you know. I don't know. It's a curious case indeed. Curious case of Barlow and Bear. Yeah. And the copyright chicken.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the copy. It was eating her own mother in a pie. It is seductive with its creams. Now, I did send, I forgot to send you guys this article of this publicity gone right that I think they actually are doing this very well. This movie's smile has been everywhere, right?

And I've seen the trailer for a million times. Can't wait to see it. But their publicity marketing, what they've been doing over the past couple of days is in the background of like big baseball games. They have people stand up behind the person that is at bat and do the smile thing straight at the camera. They did it on like a morning news show with Al Roker. Like the person standing by them with just an umbrella open smiling at the camera. Oh, scary. And they did it to do this like, I know they did it as this like viral move for the movie.

And I was like, now that's how you do creative publicity right there. Because if I didn't want to see it beforehand, I definitely want to see it now. Now, here's the problem, though. Are they going to fuck it up? And this is always when I get too excited about a horror movie, part of me dies on the inside because I'm just like waiting for it to be like, is it going to be horrible? But it's going to be horrible. No, you know what it's going to probably be?

It's just going to be very standard. What if it's absolutely amazing? What if it's like sadness? I mean, I'm saying this is someone that saw Don't worry darling last night. Right. Elevator review. Yeah, you're burying the lead here, Jackie. Tell us.

Was it a film? Was it a movie film? It was, oh, man, it was a movie film. It was a movie film, the kind of film that you see in a movie theater. And I left every time. A real skip about the movie theater. You can honestly just read the whole quote to me right now. I would die laughing as the first time.

Let me break it down for you. You arrive in the lobby and you get some popcorn and maybe a soda. And then you go into the movie theater. And what is? What's upon the screen? What's upon the screen? It's a movie's upon the screen. And you watch the movie.

And you sit there and go, that's a right good movie. It is over two hours long. And it is too long. I mean, it's only like two hours of four minutes, but still, oh, you feel it. Right. Those extra four minutes.

It is just. Is there a post credits teaser for the universe? They should have, it needed, the script needed three more rounds of hacking away of it. Yeah. And it, like, I do feel bad because Lawrence Pugh, honestly, the actors, assing hair styles. We're doing great.

How is the vagina licking stuff? Fine. Okay. The script, I think, is really the, I'm sorry if you're listening and I'm sure you are if you wrote the script to this. Because it was a beautiful movie. Right. The score was unbelievable.

The trailer's awesome. Trailer's awesome. And it, it ends there. If you want to go see the movie, watch the trailer. And save yourself. Jackie has the most paid look on her face where she's trying not to be like, the script sucks.

Like she's trying to be, wow, generous. Wow. Script is bad. It is just, like, it doesn't make any sense. Yeah.

And here's the thing. I am going to say, I like the concept of what the movie is about. And if it had been done well, I would have loved this movie. Well, how about my question is, because we all know,

you know, acting, How was the, like, wet toometer on this one in terms of the negative. Negative dry. Wow. It was a lot because everyone in the film is gorgeous. So how can it be dry, you know? Right.

And you know how I feel about Harry Styles. You know, like, and I love Florence Pugh. And I just, there was nothing between them. We're like Florence P.U. Have I right, people? Oh, wow. No, she is a great actress. It's just when you're given.

Oh, I love her. Nothing. She's amazing. You could tell she's trying, but she's, like, doing the most. Trying desperately to a point that I even feel like it is overacting. And I, like, because I think that she was really trying really hard. But I didn't feel any sexual chemistry between the two of them whatsoever. And I was, and I went into this being like, okay, you know what?

Prove me wrong. I didn't sit there being like, this movie's going to suck. I was like, I hope this movie is better than I think it's going to be. And I, because I was like, you know me, love to be horny. Right. Love something that's creepy. Yeah. I love a mystery.

Dude, you would love to be horny. I mean, I've never seen a person who's more thrilled with horniness. I've watched every episode of Tell Me Lies, even though I don't necessarily like the show. Hey, Y's coming back. Not a dumb show, you guys, forced yourself so much. I had to stop. I fell off the U. Oh, U.S.

U. Bandwagon. Yeah. Use guys. Yeah, now it's called Use Guys. It's not a bunch of New Jersey trash. Please. Yes.

I want to watch. I will watch a mixture of you in Jersey Shore in a heart. Oh, that one, yeah, I would watch that. It's two garbage men who, like, rifle around and celebrities' garbage cans to, like, stalk them. It's really, really good. Yes.

You is another show where I really wanted to like it. And I was like, everyone in the show is very beautiful. And it's kind of an interesting idea. And the whole time I was just like, I think this show wants us to root for the badman more than I think it should. I think we are really excited. with him. And of course we love an anti-hero, right? We love a Breaking Bad. But like, I think that

this show is making stocking look sexy in a way that we maybe don't. But yeah, and- Need right now. And with Breaking Bad, it's like, but I'm not like rooting for him to a certain degree. I'm like watching his downfall. I'm watching him lose himself, you know? Whereas with you, you really are kind of meant to root for him. They're like, but isn't he kind of, you know, at the end of the day, if you look at it in a different angle, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, for sure. But it's interesting. Similarly, well, yeah, I feel like it's just another show where it's like, you go in

and you're like, this will be great. And then you're like, I'm not sure if this is good. I was thrilled to see getting going off on show talk tangents. I was thrilled to see a Reddit thread of like, what show super does not hold up. And Pretty Little Liars got to mention so many times because of that. Creepy relate. I wasn't there with you guys when you watched the part where they were. We're like, will they, won't they?

Oh, forbidden love between this grown-ass teacher and this high school girl. This like sophomore high school. It's so inappropriate. It's so fuck that they try to be like, oh, but their love is forbidden and look how romantic it is. You know what I mean? This is again, file under like anything made before. I keep pushing the year up. Like at first I was like before 2009.

2010. I'm going to say like 2016. 2016. Maybe 2014 we can say. There's pre-wine. And then post Weinstein. Yes. Yes. And Weinstein was, I think, 2017. And also, and that, of course, before Weinstein, there was the whole grabbing by the pussy situation, you know. And so I feel like, circa around 2016, when we start talking about that type of thing, anything before that, you are, you watch pop culture and you're just like, excuse me? The plot of this show is that a grown teacher wants to fuck this 16 year old. And we are supposed to think it's hot. And romantic. Yeah. Unbelievable. But did Harry Stiles grab them by the pussy?

and don't worry, darling. I just didn't feel any connection. I felt no connection between the two of them whatsoever. Tell me that his accent. Was his accent consistent? Okay, so I'm going to say that I didn't know until about probably 40 minutes into the movie of whether he was supposed to be British

or whether he was supposed to be American until they finally were just like, and this Brit over here, and I was like, okay. Because I didn't know what. I was just like, it's kind of. but it's like definitely more like affected. I don't know.

It's high school with your kid. I love that. I love that one scene too. He's like, it's a real grab him by the vagina vagina. It's a real vagina. Bet you go look at it. It's a vagina. That was just like that was a bizarre turn.

I kept saying that it was just like I enjoy the sexual nature of Harry's. Like watching him perform, I get it. Watching him on the screen, I was just like, I'm dry. My biscuits were fucking crows. You're like watermelon sugar. Yeah, more like watermelon sand. Watermelon sand. Oh, yeah, man, sandbagged my pussy the way.

That part was like, my mother is putting out sandbags right now. That part is like, I can't stand watermelon sand. That's all. Oh, yeah, there was that whole middle sequence when he talked about watermelon sand and he shoved a bunch of sand up inside of her pussy and he was like, grit it, grit it with your thaw. Like Florence, ew. It's not her fault. Why are you calling her by the actress's name anyways

in the middle of this movie? Although I will say I did love any scene between Olivia Wilde and Florence Pugh because you know that I was just like watching and just being like, oh, do they hate each other? How much they said it? What was she screaming match about? She's in it?

Olivia Wild is, oh yeah, she's in it. Girl, choose Elaine. I'm sorry. I don't think that people should. It is obviously possible to direct to direct and star in your own film. But let's master one skill before we take on two specials, shall we?

Yeah, that is kind of presumptuous, right? To be like, I directed it and I, that's always crazy to me. Like, I couldn't imagine trying to do, you know, do all of that at once. I mean, it's only very special people that can direct and be in their own shit outside of like this. People in history have done that well, you know? So like, relax. Get out of your own film and focus on the director. I need to know.

So do we talk about, too, because it came out that there was a massive screaming. fight that happened between Olivia Wilde and not Harry Seals and Florence P.U. Oh yeah, Ms. Flo, if you will. And is that because she has like really strong periods or is it just a nickname? No, because she referred, Olivia Wilde referred to her as Ms. Flo, like in a bitchy way in the video. Oh, that was a shitty joke.

Oh, that was a bad joke. This is bad. I usually yes and do. But a flow, you know what you mean? Is she a progressive spokesperson? I get it. I get it. I get it.

Sam, did she suffer progressive? I get it now. What was I going to say, though? But yeah, what did they, what was the screaming match about, though? We never got that, did we? I imagine it had a lot to do with, like, because Florence P. had said that last week when, when she was on the premiere, when she was on the red carpet, when she was talking about, like, women getting to make their own choices and things like that.

Like, I am, I'm assuming that she was being told what to do with her character in a way that she did not enjoy. And I could assume with her performance that she didn't get a say with some of the things and how it went down. I bet, too, as Olivia Wilde's like, can you say the line like, I don't love you, Charles? Because, like, if someone gives you a line reading like that, like, can you, and like you are, I can assume a Florence Pew, like, give me a line reading all day. Please tell me how you want me to say it and I'll say it exactly how you want me to say it. But for Florence Pew, I imagine it's very, very frustrating for Olivia Wilde. to tell you how to do your job, even though she's the director.

So I would assume that that would eventually make some sort of explosive conversation happen. Yeah, yeah. But I also am trying to give anything about the movie away because I... I mean, I'll tell you separately. I'm not going to tell you. And I told Henry, and I was like,

Henry, you should come see, don't worry, darling with me. He's like, I'm not giving that movie any of my fucking money. No, I'm not paying... I'm not giving any movie money to them. Why would you? And I was like, I gotta see it. Yeah.

It's a movie film that you see in the movie film. It's a cultural, it's a cultural moment. Yeah. It's a movement. I want to see it. I want to see it more than any other movie that's out right now. Yeah, this latest era is a lot of celebrities showing their own ass between this movie and Adam Levine.

We're really getting these like strong couple of weeks of like, it's like kind of taken me back a little bit to like almost that late 2000s era of like celebrities. They're not just like us. They're even trashy. You know what I mean? Between those happenings lately. And you didn't even bring up Sylvester Stallone covering both of his wives, the tattoos he had of his wife. Oh my God.

Pieces of his wife. He got separated. He got both of them covered up. And now they are back together. So talk about celebrities showing their asses. I didn't care at all about this story. And then when I saw that they got back together, I was like, I mean, he just got both tattoos. covered up, and especially the separation was apparently the straw that broke the Campbell's back was about the dog.

Yeah, Rottweiler. He got the tattoo of over his wife. And she took him back. So I guess, you know, love does find a way. Add a speech bubble to the dog. So the dog is saying, like, I love you. I love you, Jennifer. Yes.

It'll be just like the chicken. But hopefully the dog's not eating a dog pot-bye, because that would be upsetting. Oh, my God. But it also seems like this is a little too early for them to be like, we're back together. We did all the work. I think that they have a long road ahead of them.

I am hoping, what I'm hoping happened is that someone saw the two of them trying desperately to reconcile their relationships, probably got pictures, and they probably headed up the story before. it could be released so that they could be in charge of their own narrative, is what I'm assuming happened. Because, like, I can't imagine. I remember, I don't know why I always think about Danny DeVito and Aria Perlman when they got divorced and I was so weirdly sad about it because they were the kind of relationship that I was like, oh, love finds away. And then they, like, quietly got back together after like a year or two. And part of me just lit up with a private

joy for the two of them because I love the two of them together so much, even though I don't know them. This is just a creepy parasycial relationship. But, well, Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin, I didn't really care as much. So that's why it's more funny than anything. I also like, sometimes on the Yahoo news article, you got to dip down in the comic comments. I mean, so many sad. There's a lot of sad divorced men in here. Steve says, even in the most challenging times in a relationship, focus on.

what you love about him or her and not about what you don't love. No one will ever become perfect. That's right, Steve. Whoa, and then there's people like William who say, women love to pull out the divorce card when they don't get their way. It's happened to me more than once. For what it's worth, I'm still married after 28 years, but it's been a long hard road. Oh my God.

That is not true, William. And then you've got the dad jokes. Of course they're back together. Rocky always makes a comeback. Oh, my God. That's also not true. He loses in the first movie. Spoiler alert.

So funny. And also people that just take the time to write about like, I've been in it for the long haul. Six kids in my family. Aldous his brother married 54 years when his wife died. Married 61 years when my husband died. Two brothers divorced and currently... Who cares?

Gene? I don't care. This person's life. They're writing this on the Yahoo News article comments. What a psychopath. What a wild, what is not, what can I say about this person that's not a problem? What a wacky fella? Can you imagine taking the time to end it's just like, yo, Adrienne, you know, it's like got those comments too.

Of course. This is like the two genders, you know. It's like there's the two genders of either divorced dad who hates women or dad who's not yet divorced, but who thinks rock movies are fantastic. Oh, God, I love these comments on the Yahoo! I love, I'm just scrolling through. I don't know Rottweiler. He was raising...

It's like, good. Talk about your Rottweiler. Oh, I have one of them, too. But, you know, thank you guys so much for the comments. I guess, you know, we are running out of time to talk about Kanye's bedazzled flip-flops of war with some. Sox. Yeah, I got to unfortunately say I side with Kanye on this, but that is, you're not going to hear

me say it often anymore. You can play the tape back to the old days when I was siding with Kanye more. This is, again, pre-2016 that was happening with me. But post-2016 had not been siding with Kanye, but bedazzled flip-flops, come on. It's a yes from me. With the socks? I mean, I'm not going to do the socks, but he is, you know. All I can hope is that he got the socks where you can wear the flip-flop is, because,

you know what really hurts my brain? is if he was wearing regular socks with the flip flop. Because then, like, that only just, like, imagine his, like, crunched up toes shoved into the front of the bedazzled flip-flop. Yeah, that's not comfortable. I mean, the whole thing, but I do love the socks. Well, that's, I mean, I see so many, especially younger folks, like, dude bros, wearing the just, like, big, dumb white socks in the slides, just out and about.

It's got to be comfy, but I'll never think it's a good look ever. with any of that. I know it's like, no, it's normal now. We just walk around like we just got done playing soccer and we're like having a chill out sash. You know what I mean? Like it's like what you used to put on right after getting done with like a really intense like practice or something. That's what I like about it. I never liked sports, but the times I did do sports, I really liked when the sports were done and you just got to put on the sweatpants and the sandals. I always say I played for the orange slices at halftime. That was what I was, I was there for. And I always talk about how weird it was that I had to pretend to be upset when we were losing because everyone else was upset.

And, you know, it was either be like, what the fuck you guys? What do you give a fuck? Who cares? Life is meaningless. You know what I mean? Yeah. Life is meaningless. That's why you should wear a phronsia costume where you can, you actually keep a boxed wine inside of your costume.

Well, I'm not a dog, Jackie. So I don't think I will be wearing it. You also can buy the human version where you could put the booze inside of the phronsia costume. And also they're making the fronzia costumes for dogs. Okay. That's fun. I'm fine with it. You don't care.

Don't pretend. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me about caring. You only care about the River Dalian who's killing his mother. I don't care about it. He doesn't care about that enough. Eat your own chicken pot pie. I don't know what's going on with any of that stuff.

Oh, man. But the one for dogs, it's called Cabernet Slobber Nond. How do we feel about that? Cavendezer Nognees. Slobber now I have truly and fully in every facet heard everything. But I haven't quite yet heard the share. Hit it. Do you believe it?

Is cats a cursed filmic experience? A hundred percent. We talking about cats? We're talking about cats. The film. Now, I know we've Mitch dabbled in this concept before, but we have. have not set it in stone as a true conspiracy theory, and we have evidence to back it up,

all coming in from Madison, who writes, Hey, page seven family, love you all so much, and thanks for reading. Let's get into it is Katz, 2019. I love how you have to specify it, like we wouldn't know what film. I think it's good, because maybe you're talking about the, like the box TV set that we all watch the commercial for

over and over again. The Broadway show. Yeah. We are talking specific. Oh my God, those fundraisers. Yeah, dude. I think it's good. You have to let us know.

Yes, the 2019 movie. Remember those fundraisers where they would just make, they would just play it and be like, we played it for you. Send us money now. We playing the cats for you. We all, this from Madison. We all know cats, the 2019 train wreck of a film is cursed in the our cursed images since it's a subreddit, by the way.

But I think there's more to it than just that. I think in years to come, we'll see cats listed among the most famous of cursed films with the likes of Poltergeist and the Omen. Given that the film is less than three years old, there hasn't been much time for it to wreak it, wreck, wreak, much time for it to wreck. What? What are you saying? What is wrong with your mouth right now?

The curse is getting hold on. I know. Oh, no, it won't let you read it. Much time for it to wreak its havoc on society. But I think I've caught it early. Hopefully we can end it before it goes too far. Exhibit A! Of course, the pandemic.

I don't think it's a coincidence that mere weeks after catch premiered, reports of COVID-19 spiked, leading to one of the deadliest global pandemics in modern society. I remember it. That's not even taking to account that the other forms of madness that early 2020 release, the Australian wildfires, murder hornets, and the complete sociopolitical breakdown of our country.

To quote a tweet by Sam Sparrow, ever since cats came out, things have been way off. Exhibit B, the ruination of careers. While several of the more famous cast members of cats have continued to get work over the past three years, almost every cast member for whom cats should have been a breakout role has done little to nothing career-wise since the film's release.

Francesca Hayward, poor Francesca. I mean, come on. What a talent squandered. Lori Davidson, who played Mr. Mistophiles, Robbie Fairchild, who played Munkus strap. I didn't even know that one. Yeah, man, Muggestrap. Stephen McRae, who played Skimble Shanks,

and all those other fuckers have done little to nothing of notes since the film's release, despite many of them having very successful careers in the theater prior. Stephen McRae. It's also important to note, tore his Achilles tendon shortly before the film premiered in 2019. Coincidence? Exhibit C, possibly the most damning piece of evidence as far as I'm concerned.

I watched cats with my husband for the first time about a month ago, and since then we've been experienced pronounced, marital discord, we decided tonight that we're going to pursue a divorce. Whoa. Is cats to blame? Whoa. Or is it the fact that we got married when we were 20 years old under pressure from our highly religious families and peer groups away?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's cats. We may never know. I think that cats will only bring more destruction as time goes on. And I, for one, think the world would be better off without it. The only good thing to come from this movie might just be how funny the three of you are when you talk about it. But when you weigh that against the loss as well, I for one wish I'd never cross paths with cats.

Whoa. Thank you so much. This is tough. Thank you so much for reading, Holden. You make me laugh so much, Jackie. Your Patreon audio books are my new obsession. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. MJ, you are brilliant and I aspire to be as great apparent as you are someday.

Love seeing you all Nashville. It was my dream come true. And I just want to also note that Madison thinks I'm the funniest by what she. just said. Just want to throw that out there. Oh, wow. Oh, this is so hard because do we wish that cats had never come into existence? I mean, I want to say yes for the sake of Madison's, you know, marriage, but I also, this is one of those things.

And I also, of course, wish nothing but the best for all the people that were in it. However, I, for one, have had almost exclusively experiences of joy around the movie cats. it's probably brought me more joy than any other movie in the last at least five years. But was marital discord to follow? I think we could all say that we've reached the brink with our spouses since revealing the film. Since the film. Yeah, you know, it's hard to, when Katz 2019 came out, I had a zero-year-old and a one-year-old. Right.

And I was about to face down a pandemic that lasted for quite some time. So things did certainly get shitty after that. It's no question about that. Right. Now, I guess the real question is, we do want to let everybody know that we are going to be going on tour soon. And do you think that if we, since we are naming our tour for page 7 and Wizard and the Brewzer, release the bottle cut.

Does that mean if I say yes, I think that cats is cursed, Does that mean that the show and our tour Is going to be cursed as well? To that I say to that I say You think it's blessed? I say never Never Never ever ever

A cat so clever as Ruiz the Budhall Cup Oh we're cursed Oh my God we're cursed McCavities Not there I think it's 100% curse Yeah, it's curse.

I think that it is. I think your fucking ass is cursed Madison, so figure that shit out. I'm sorry you're cursed, but at least you're cursed alongside of us, and we're all in this together. At least you're blessed with a hot name. I think Madison's like a hot name. Oh, yeah, and you're about to restart your life, and you're about to get rid. You're about to shed about probably 160 pounds of dead weight, and I say, God bless it. But that's still a curse.

That's the thinner curse. Oh, thinner. There you go. Yes, please. I say that every time I say thinner. Which, you know what, I will say, I say probably every other week. Rub this cream upon your belly. Please.

Rob the cream up in your belly every night. Make it go away. Well, I'm making that conspiracy go away. It's done, you hear me? It's finished. Cup puts, no more celebrity. Oh, yeah, do you guys believe that you believe, right? Everyone believes, right?

I definitely believe, but I don't think that we will get cursed. I think it's only the movie that's cursed. I think everybody who interacts with the movie is blessed. because breakups can also almost always are a blessing because they usually need to happen. And so let us reframe, as is so popular to do on TikTok mental health. And we reframe and we see the gifts that cats gave us. Did everything go to shit after we had so much fun watching cats in the movie theater?

Yes. And did we also get lots of joy from cats ever since? Also, yes. Let's do a reframe. I have a more OCD approach. I think every time you watch it, you become cursed, but then when you watch it again, you become uncursed. So our yearly watchings of it are bringing us back and forth between the two.

So, yeah, that's how. We cursed this year, and that means our holiday watching is going to be uncursed. Uncursed. I think we'll uncurse ourselves this holiday viewing of it. Great. I'm looking forward to that. Isn't that something nice to look forward to? And hopefully you're also looking forward to the list. And after the list.

Who's on the list? Jake! Got to have that list. Weird, true facts about super famous people. There are some on here that I didn't know that before developing an interest in acting, LeVar Burton dreamt of being a Catholic priest. He got as far as enrolling at St. Pius the 10th, a theological seminary in Galt, California. He studied for several years before deciding that joining the clergy wasn't right for him.

It was through the school's theater. program that he found his passion. There you go. So a little, kind of like Henry. It was going to be a little priest boy. A little priest. A little opera singer.

He could have been a little opera singing priest. And that would have been very, very different life he would have led. So funny. Just seeing him like in full priest garb, scream singing opera to a bunch of like sleeping people. Yeah, they're all going to be asleep.

Yeah, because he's going to have the sleeping ministry. Everybody comes in. They go to sleep, but it's welcome here if you go to sleep at the church. But how do you feel about Helen Mirren as a carnival barker like she used to do? Her job was talking fast and loud to draw people to a dot stall. She was carnival barker. Nice. Fun, I like it.

Yeah. How do you feel about this one, Holden, before she was a superstar? Whatever! Harriana Grande was known in the news as the Boca Kid for getting struck by hockey pucks, not once but twice. Boca Kid gets a puck and ice is the headline for, I guess, things. So yeah, she grew up in Boca Raton, by the way. Because of course she fucking did. How do you feel about Boca, Holden?

I mean, it creates that for sure. Whoa, it creates problems on the ice. Everybody knows that about Boca, Florida. But did you know that Justin Bieber can solve a Rubik's cube in less than two minutes? Oh my God. Oh, yeah. I think I saw him at my coffee shop. Oh my God, was he using a Rubik's cube?

Nope, he had a dog with him. It could have been some other celebrity, but it was like, I think I was like, in my dumb, I'm so bad at picking out celebrities. He smiled at my baby if it was him, but he had the tattoos, right? Doesn't he have, like, tattoos? He does have tattoos. And he was wearing the hat, like the hat. You know what I mean?

He had a dog. And it was like this big fancy, like, escalate or whatever. And I looked like his bodyguard was this huge dude was waiting in line for the coffee. and he was like down the street with his dog and I was like I think that's the beeps If it wasn't him it was like somebody Some celebrity that I just didn't Couldn't pick out

But he had I was like I got all like Like when I walked by him And he smiled at Winnie He smiled at Winnie and it was yeah Did you show a little knee? I showed a little nut I showed a little ball Oh just the bottom one ball

Yeah that's kind of nice Yeah that's when you know He was like Is that show nut And I was like Undernut, I guess we call it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, under nut, please.

No, I was like, no, I don't know what you're talking about, but it was clearly I was showing him my nut. Yeah, well, I guess John Hamm saw a lot of nut when he worked as a set dresser for Cinemax softcore pornography movies. I love this part. He said it was, quote, soul crushing. I mean, even in the soft core world, that's got to be a stinky set, my friend. Oh, man. Oh, yeah.

I think about Ice Planet Barbarians, which, yes, I'm currently reading over on patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. And we did just finish up the first book and we're heading into the second book. But in that, Vectal often can smell her sex and can smell it when her cooey starts thrumming. And that means she wants to have sex. I hate that. I hate that we will be now offering ad free episodes on the Patreon. Please God. There's so many reasons to go to Patreon right now.

Page 7.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Not only do you get ad free motherfucking episodes of the $5 layer, but you also go to the heavyside layer where Jackie is going to be reading this book about these fuck alien. We're heading into the second book. Very excited about it. I don't know.

But then there's talking TV for all for $5. That's not even including for the $10 layer. The Jersey Shore watch along. We're almost in season five. It's the best hang ever every Thursday. For $10, it's also they will show up all of the previous Jersey Shore episodes that we've recorded and also put up there. We screamed at for the past several months. But yeah, check it out.

Add free. There's no reason to not do it. Help me feed my daughter. Back to you, Jackie. Did you know that Prince has been described as a pool shark? The Purple One's personal photographer who considered himself a fairly decent pool player told a story about how Prince beat him. He proceeded to basically clean the table two times in a row before I even had a chance to shoot. When I did finally have a chance, he beat the pants off me.

He was that good. And he was cocky about it too. Well, of course he's Prince. Of course he's Prince. I love it too because this isn't even, the whole thing about Prince is he's amazing at basketball. Really? Yeah, yeah. There was all Dave Chappelle bit about it, like, from the Chappelle show where he, like, reenacted this basketball game with Prince.

I completely forgot about that. But that's, like, based in reality. Like, apparently Prince is like an incredible, he's just good at everything. I love the mystique around him. Like, he's amazing at all of it. Like, it's so fun. Oh, and also, Sir Anthony Hopkins paints canvases that sell for up to $80,000. I would be remiss.

I need to say it. Sorry, MJ. I need to say it. RIP man face. We had a death in the family this week. Oh, I thought you were going to say, sorry, MJ. I'm going to shout out Anthony Hopkins's cat who died. Oh, but also I'm shouting out your own cat that has passed.

But I am also going to talk about Anthony Hopkins's Niblo. Niblo, who was in all of Anthony Hopkins, like in so many of his silly Instagram post where Niblo would sit on his lap and he'd play piano. And then it was, and Niblo also passed this week. This is a big, I mean, I know, like, you know, Munchausen's and Gatorade. But I don't, did you kill my cat for attention?

What was that? I killed how I meant I was trying to make a mercury in retrograde. I would describe you today. It sounded like I killed your cat. I would describe you today as unhinged at best. Between the fucking copyright chicken eating its own mother. I never should have made you and your unstable mental state by cat's nurse. I love to see that I was like, wow, this week we're talking about some heavy stuff.

I mean, this murder, we have to handle it really delicately. It's just been like, I've been like I've got a boat on fire. I'm sorry. I feel like you're both strapped to me. And I'm just like, yeah, we're going through a shit for us today, boys. It's fine. And all respect. I don't know how to handle anything properly, though.

This is my problem. I'm like, want to try to say something, you know, but I will say, rest in peace, man face. Yeah, rest in peace, man face. And thank you to everybody who, you know, posted about remembering hearing me talk about mann face on the show. I've been talking about manface on the show for as long as the show has existed. as we've done the show. Yes. And don't worry, we will be killing Manface off in the show as a hit and run as well.

So stay tuned for that. And it will be a small child. The ghost of Luke Perry will kill Manface. We'll kill Manface. Wow, yeah. He will with this ghost car. Isn't that interesting? Oh, no, not the ghost car.

He can make the ghost car a hard, real car for 0.2 seconds in the ghost lore and he'll use it to kill Manface. No, R-I-Pee. There you go. miss man face. He was a very, very good boy. He was very big. We call him a big and tall. He used to be big and tall. And then he got a little smaller in his old age, but we will miss him. And as soon as I have a new cat to come up with a voice for, you bet that you will be hearing about it here at page. We will hear about it here first. So therefore, already working on replaced. The ground is still wet, but we're replacing the cat. Manface could never be replaced because

there is no other cat who has, who will ever have a face like man face. But also the way that we can deal with our grief over pets is to get new pets immediately. I'm not sure if other people do this as well. We can't do it with humans, but we can do it with cats. Yes, absolutely.

Get more cats. Maybe I should name, maybe I should just keep adding cats to my family so that I can name each one of them after cats from cats. Yeah, exactly. I was about saying that you could put on a whole musical with them. Which I absolutely support.

Meanwhile, poor Serafina is still alive and would not love this conversation. No. She'll, you know, she's the queen. She knows she's the queen. I think that she'll adjust to whatever. She will. And then she can be a queen, and then she can have, you know, someone to be a queen over, some cat to be a queen over.

And that's really what she wants anyway, right? Yes, all queens need to be in charge. Yeah. Well, the queen is bad or whatever, right? We talked about that last year. She's, that one. That queen is dead. My queen, Seraphina, did not invade any other countries.

No, Kenyans were murdered at the polls of Seraphina. Is that what you're trying to say right now, M.J., for the record? She would never. She has barely even killed a mouse in her life, so. Oh, I mean, it sounds like she's not pulling her weight in the home. Yeah, it sounds like she's got to get to work. But either way. Last but not least, Marilyn Monroe's signature's sexy whispery voice was a

strategy to decrease her stutter. Ah! There you go. Oh, no, it's a turkey. Oh, my God. I meant to do a chicken sound, but the turkey came out instead. Is that a copyright turkey?

Yeah. Don't stuff me with your justice. No, I think that's the interesting fact on the list, Turkey. That's what something... Oh, yes, yes, yes. Oh, how about that? Just like 90-day fiancé, Jenny. This is a pretty interesting list.

I was wondering if you were going to, if the list would break you again this week. No, I haven't been broken. No, man. She didn't even yell at us about it. I just enjoyed it. She didn't show a clear animosity toward the list like she did last week where we, I mean, felt like we were your prisoner.

I made a decision. I was like, I need to start liking the list more. And so I was like, I actually genuinely looked for a list that I was like, no, what's one that that actually is interesting facts on it? I think it's very much. It's also okay to admit that in 11 years of doing this show, we read every list. I mean, it's insane.

I've just gotten on with the celebrity conspiracy over two years or something. Yeah, man. I'm like, how the fuck does one pull one of these in once a week? For many, many years, man, you know? All right. Well, we got the list. We've got the celebrity conspiracy. We talked about the boy and the cat in the car.

Yes. But we haven't talked about. the fact that I think I'm going. Blind. Items. Oh, no, we can't see them. All right, here we go. Isn't this fucking fascinating to listen to right now?

Do you hate the blind items now, Holden? Oh, no. Ah! These two singers who started on the same show now also have the same careers, and there's a crazy war going on between the staffs of both shows to get guests to be exclusive to one show or the other. Uh, their hosts of... Is it the Karamo show? No.

They're hosts of shows. They both were, um, on a show that was a competition that they, why, I don't know if they won it. I don't know if both of them wanted or not. I can't remember, but they've gone on to have careers since that show. Mm. Um, and now they have... Is it a American Idol? Yes.

And now it's Kelly Clarkson. And who's the other one? Yeah. I didn't know she had a show. Kelly Clarkson? No, I knew Kelly Clarkson had a show. I didn't know that the other one had a show. It just started airing.

Who's like the other huge name to come out of American Idol? Play Aiken. No. I want that to be the other huge name that came out of American Idol. Her last name is a famous river's name. Oh, Jennifer Hudson. Yes. Beery.

That's a good guess, though, off the dome. A lake. And that is a lake, by the way. Yeah, that actually wasn't a good. ass off the dove. Ah, the old, Erie River. It's a canal.

It's a canal. I love this battle of the idols, though, a little bit. The Jennifer Hudson show started airing this year. Of course, the Kelly Clarkson show started up back in 2019.

I had no idea, Jennifer Hudson was from American Idol. I had absolutely no idea. I didn't know that. Did she win, though? Do these people even win the show?

I don't think that Jennifer Hudson won. Also, Fantasia? They won't remember Fantasia? No. My favorite thing. The movie? I remember the movie

terrified me as a kid. Natasha Barino won season three of American Idol. Oh. She had a great voice, man. I don't know what happened to her. Also, Jennifer Hudson was a finalist on the third season. But didn't win, right?

Kelly Clarkson won, though, right? Didn't she win? Yes. She did. And one of my favorite facts that gets posted to Reddit all the time. Not a single person from the show The Voice

has gone on to have a career. So why, what is the fucking point? I don't get. At least you can point to a couple people from American Idol, even though that show should have a lot more, considering it's been on the air for so many fucking years. Yeah, man. But the fact that you can at least say,

oh, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, you know, yada, yada, yada, yada. But the voice, as far as... But Jennifer Hudson didn't even win. I know, which is hilarious. But at least she was on the show. Yes. The voice, I mean, maybe someone can correct me on this, but from what I see online,

the voice has literally produced not a single successful talent. Isn't that crazy? That's the same. Why do we support this shenanagan rate? And neither had any of those other talent shows, except for that moment that everyone was so shocked that Susan Boyle was like not hot and could sing well. And now she's, yeah, exactly.

Remember that part of our experience? She's such an old bag of a woman. Oh my God. This one. This fugly ass slug woman. It's beautiful. It makes me cry so much because she should be in a garbage can right now, being grumpy.

So horrible. But instead, she's on the stage. singing beautifully. As a society, that that happened. It's incredible that such a grotesque thing could produce something so beautiful. Have you ever heard of such a thing of voice being nice

in the body being ugly? At first, when I saw your face, I thought to myself, that's the most unfuncable person I've ever seen on grace to stage. But then you opened your mouth and you made me cry with how beautiful your voices.

It's almost as if two things could be true at once. What? Oh yeah, we didn't even talk about Rihanna's playing the Super Bowl, by the way. Oh, man, yeah, I forgot about that. That would be fun. Yeah, man, go for it. That'll be a lot of fun.

T. Swift was asked. She turned it down because she wants to re-record all of her shit before she does Super Bowl. Yeah, because she needs to go get that money. Get that money, money. Or least keeps Scooterbron from getting that money because she's probably right. I think the logic there is like, then everyone's going to probably, there's going to be a big resurgence of all of those songs.

and so she wants to have her version out there for people to listen to on Spotify or whatever the fuck it is. You know what I mean? I get that actually. It's a smart play day. Midnight's October 21st. All right.

Many of the half decent reviews about a movie being released today were written by people who were given swag bags which included concert tickets and backstage passes for a show involving one of the actors, Jackie. Don't worry, darling.

I was, okay, so on the Rotten Tomatoes, I feel about the rotten tomatoes. The reviews, like the professional reviews, they have it at 38%. But the regular watch reviews, like the population review, is at like 76%. And I was like, how the fuck didn't that happen? I cry a foul. How did that happen? I cry a foul of that.

Wow. And this was the news story that I would write anything for backstage Harry Styles. That's the thing, though. Like, you want me to write that it's good? I'll write that it's good. It's the hottest ticket right now. Yeah. It's crazy.

$400 for nosebleeds. Black Pink. What the fuck? All right. Last story. And this is actually the story I was like, oh, cool. I'm glad she didn't include it in her articles because we could talk about it in the blinds. I'm not sure why anyone at this point is shocked by any kind of indecent behavior from this former A-List talk show host.

The latest is much more vivid but just confirms the years and years of toxicity from the former host. Jackie shaking her head. Ellen. Because I chose not to include this article. Interesting. Why would you choose not to include this article? Because she's bad. We all know she's bad. And like the whole thing with the dude, like I'm not saying that he deserved that, but like also, you're only going to get so much from someone that is a huge, like, because I read through the whole

story. And I was like, before I include this, let me see what's going on with this. Right. And I'm not saying that this, like, this person was not treated well. Ellen definitely didn't treat him well. But in the things I read, I was like, I mean, she'd give you like a first couple tours. Like she did get you an album. Right. She did actually do a lot.

Open you up to a lot of opportunities. She is a bad human being. But she, you know, berates. My little breakdown, recently Grace and Chance came out with his Ellen Sucks story. He did, um, paparazzi. I love that, though. I was like early. That was like when like there was like one YouTube video a week that everybody liked.

And that was him. Oh, okay. Yeah, he went viral at 12 years old. and with the help of Ellen DeGeneres and recently made statements about her, such as he, quote, never met someone more manipulative, more self-centered, and more blatantly opportunistic. He talks about how she overworked him, berated him and everyone around him, including his mother, for small things,

and dropped him like a bad habit as soon as his music started underperforming. But then apparently, like, you know, she'd invite him back on the show every now and again, and he'd, like, come back, and only when the cameras were rolling, she'd, like, pretend like they'd been keeping up, and even there was an insinue. she kind of helped take credit for like him coming out of the closet. Yes. And stuff even though like she was like clearly completely like turned her. Nothing to do with it.

On him and everything. So it's insidious. I just like it because I love talking about how evil Ellen is. It's like my favorite. She's even. It's Shakespearean to me. Especially because that was such a like great moment for Ellen. It was like Ellen's so good with kids.

Ellen found this sweet little boy. This is so good. Gave him a leg up. This is such a beautiful. perform. And I loved that video. I remember, like, really loving that whole thing. And she comes, she comes out, she's dancing, everyone's so happy. Yeah, I just, I love to see, I cannot, it just takes me right back to high school or whatever.

I love to see the, like, everyone likes this person, popular kid, get taken down a notch or two, or get revealed because I'm like, we're all human. We're all human here. That's why I think I kind of like Love Island, UK, because, you know, Great British Baking Show, It's like, oh, there's so much better than us and their reality shows. There's so much classier and kinder to each other. No, the British are just as bad.

Love Island UK. Everyone just wants to watch. Vapid, hot, idiots. Try to fuck each other. And the UK's no different. And so put that in your pipe and smoke it. Jolio, England. Whoa.

Us. We got a lot to say about Jolly Old, don't we? That's right. The crown's coming back in November. All right, I'm fucking done. I can see tons of shit. Welcome back. I'm like, oh, I'm like those videos where the guy is colorblind, but then they give him the glasses.

Yeah, you're just like those. And he sees color for the first time and he starts crying. Oh, I like though. I love those. Are those exploitative? No, I know. I hope no. If they're going to come after that, oh, who's next?

Chop and block social media people. Who's next? Can't enjoy anything. thing anymore. Because I like the colorblind ones because it's like, I'm like a dad. Conte Holden's back. It's like a middle-aged dad who doesn't know what he's missing with the world of color.

And then he puts up the glasses and then he weeps. And dad's, whatever dad's weep, we all weep. I know. Weep along with them. They never get to weep. I weep all the time. Oh my God. Well, you're redefining dadness.

Yes. I weep constantly. It's just like, you know, Lex's just like, hey, good morning. There he goes. There you go. Are you weeping again because you're suffocating in this situation or are you weeping? You know, but I don't say. Yeah, don't say you're suffocating probably.

I think that it's a bad way to start the day with your wife. Say that you're thinking about the beauty of all the color in the world. Yeah, I think about the beauty of all the colors of the world. That's usually what I lie and say. Yeah, that's for the best. On that note, we're going to get out of here before. Hot Dick Holden has anything else to say. I'm the problem. I'm the bad ones.

I'm having marital strength after cats. I'm doing great. I'm having a great time over here. My name is Jackie Zbrowski, and I want to thank you guys for joining us on this episode. It's a weird one, man. This is a weird one. I like how weird it is. You can follow me on Instagram, but Jack That Worm.

You can follow us on TikTok over at page 7 LPN. And please come and hang out with me on Sundays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, over on Twitch. on TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. And yes, the Sims are on Wednesdays if you need to see whatever horrific home I'm going to create for Holden to live inside of. So,

we will be doing that soon. Oh, so I just burped. Oh, wow. It's coming up. Hot take Holden, killing it over here. It's coming up. Sorry, it's coming up. It's coming up. I've got to burp in me. Just do it. Do it. Say what you have to say.

Twitch. Twitch. What you want to say? Out of it. I don't even know that. I don't even know what song that is. Twitch.com. I'm coming out with a new

spanking schedule. We've got Wednesday and Thursday morning streams as well. If you're in these coast, it's in the early afternoon. I'm doing a morning show with my wife Lexi coming up. So all the suffocation remarks were jokes.

Thank you. And a gaming stream as well on Thursday. So you've got to stream from me Monday through Friday now, which is kind of nuts. Join me for Jack and with the Holdies on Fridays from 6 to 9 ET. That's the big one for sure. That's the one to not miss. But also, again, just to remind you guys, we've got to make this big push here. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast.

Ad free. Ad free episodes. Yes. Come check it out. $5. You don't have to hear anybody being like, when I go to Bridget's Farms, I like to grab a tomato or two. You don't have to hear any of that. You just get the good jokes and get, I don't know what the ads are. Get out of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Richard's Farms. You could buy a boy if you've talked to the right person. It's apple picking season, I get it. It's apple picking season here, and long history of racism has been erased. MJ? We're better now. We've got to end the show.

My name is MJ. I am MJ K-L-K-L-K-K-T on Instagram. Gotta end the show. Thank you, MJ. We love you guys. Oh, wait, no, we have to sing the song. Sing it. Shout, shout, shout, let it all out.

These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're gonna ring it to you. Come on. Thank you guys so incredibly much for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Also wanted to start off our shoutouts with a little shout out to Austin,

who sent in a great story about being sent to school one day dressed as SpongeBob Squarepants on a day that was indeed not the dress-up day that their mother thought it was. And man, did you just give me some specific flashbacks and also the anxiety of going to school in a costume when you're like, it is the day, right? Today is the day. You're supposed to wear the costume, right? And I just want to say thank you so much, Austin, for sending that in. And I also want to say, thank you to miss. Siru Panda for bringing us on your Abu Dhabi vacay, and also for bringing our attention to the very weird half-live action, half-cartoon version of the Little Mermaid, where Ursula was played

by Rebel Wilson. I mean, yuck and a half, but also weird and a quarter. Thank you so much for sending that in. Oh, yes, also thank you so much to Meg, who sent in the story about believing Zach Afron and Zach Ephron, and also another scary tale about having someone's jaw wired shut. I'm so scared of it happening to me. All right, I'll never do anything scary ever, like walk through the home that I live in. Oh, they just want us to live in fear, and I will, because I think I'd die if my mouth was wired shut.

I wouldn't die. I'd figure it out. But also, what a great diet plan. No, it's not. It's horrible. I don't want it. Anyway, jump it into the shoutouts. Thank you guys so much again. And we are starting it off with a little bit of Libra Leah Love. I love this so much. Leah says, I've been debating sending this because as a Libra, I crave attention, but also as a Libra, I can't ask for it outright. I got to manipulate it out of people, but I don't know anyone

I can manipulate who listens to page 7, so I'm asking for it outright now. And I love it, Leah. Leah says I'm a teacher and I don't have much time to think about my birthday. So hearing a little shout out from Leo Queen Jackie would be such a nice treat. Happy 26th birthday on September 29th to myself! I'm great at my job. I make the best fucking blackout margaritas you've ever tasted. Blackout because you get blackout drunk after drinking a solid eight ounces. I have great style and I don't know what I do without myself.

Thank you, Jackie, for the warmth. kindness that can be felt through my ear holes all the way over in Salt Lake City. Can we be friends? Yes, we can be friends, Leah, and also love the corset you made. And oh, Leah, I would do anything to get to Salt Lake City and celebrate your birthday with you, especially because I do it all, not only to be best friends with you, but just for the Mormon watching alone. But all of my happiest regards are being sent to you. And I hope that you feel my love through your ear. holes. We've got more love to go around, and this time the love goes out to Zane. Zane and Margo, I remember how fucking cool your couple names are from last year. Zane says, I'm sure there were

many a naysayer that thought of love this pure could not last, but here we are. Another year and now celebrating 11 years of marriage and a consistent 21-year relationship. Much has been said about the challenges of making it work with your high school sweetheart, but with you, it's been easy. Through all the late-night punk rock shows of our youth and my unhealthy obsession with horror movies and trash TV, you have always put out with my shit and you are a saint for it. I couldn't and don't ever want to do it without you. As an infamous fishfucker one said,

You complete me. You are an excellent wife, mother, daughter, and just for a husband, Holden, a great dog mom too. Screw you, Holden. Margot loves being a dog mom, I bet. Thank you so much, Zane, for sending an amazing anniversary shout-out this year. And thank you for the thanks for sending one out last year. Your exuberant celebration of my love for my wife brought a single cryberry, cry-berry, don't eat the cryberries, it's going to get you all juicy in the mouth with your tears. Brought a single cry-baby tear to this man's eye. Ah, so much. So much.

much love to you, Zane, so much love to you, Margo, and happy, happy, happy, happy anniversary, baby, Margo got you on my mind. Next shout-out we've got up goes out to Sterling, aka Samaritan from our Twitch chat. What is up? Samaritan says, to my wife, the prototype, the one that made me understand that anger is just a feeling and that I shouldn't let it control my life. She's been perfection ever since I kissed her in my mom's kitchen. I could die a happy man as long as I know I did everything possible to make her happy.

Even if that means I'm no longer in that picture of happiness because of choices within or out of my control. And to mom, who's no longer with me, I can sometimes feel her spirit when I make the right choices. I can't count the number of times she saved me from abuse. Her mission to stop domestic violence got her in front of Chris Chris. Steve's wife cussing her out on camera for closing women's shelters. Mom, I'm still not sure why you left before you could see my children, but hopefully you'll be smiling down on them. Love Sterling.

Thank you so much for sending in the shoutout to two amazing women in your life. Next shout out goes out to Evan and Perfect Rescue Baby Malka. Evan says I wanted to shout out to my perfect rescue baby Malka. she's been with me and my wife, Rachel, for 10 years, and has been with us through some awful times. She was originally rescued from a hoarding situation at a farm in Virginia and went through the system until we came upon her in our early 20s at an outdoor adoptathon outside Trader Joe's. When Rachel came upon her, they immediately started spooning each other on the sidewalk while Rachel yelled, since Malca was a little chunker at the time, I want the fat one. It wasn't hard to get her, apparently, because as the adoption counselor said, she had prominent nipples and those were unattractive to adopters.

Also, get screwed! That's horrible. I'm not saying that towards the counselor, just the fact that that is even an issue. And about three years later, Rachel was diagnosed with ALS. Within a few years, she had completely lost all mobility and speech. Malka was with us through all of it. She stayed by her bedroom door keeping watch, and with nurses coming over all the time, she would keep a silent watch from the foot of the bed, even after they passed an olfactory pat down. Malca was a total mommy's girl and loved nothing more than to climb on my bed and nap next to Rachel when she took her sedating medications. We had to say goodbye to Malca on Monday. She developed an aggressive and painful cancer with no treatment available that would have caused her less pain. Yes, fuck cancer, Evan.

I want to give another shout out to Dr. Leigh Ann for helping Malka pass peacefully at home at her favorite place, right by her mama's bed. Hug your pets as often as you can, but only if they're into that. Love Evan. Thank you so much for writing in about Malca. I really appreciate it.

And I don't have any pets, but I will say Gloria is going to be, oh, just trapped inside of my breast this evening. and she's gonna love it. Last but not least, we have a shout out from Josh. Josh says, I need to give myself a shout out. Hell yeah, Josh, you know I love a self-shout.

Josh's 2021 and so far 2022 has been the absolute worst for me. I've lost several family members all within a short period of time. I lost my grandfather, my mentor in November of 2021 from COVID-19. and then not three weeks later my cousin passed away suddenly of a heart attack. She was only 34. Then just a month ago my mom passed away from lung cancer. Talk about fuck cancer, guys. What I'm getting at is I'm a strong person and have been all my life.

But even this has me questioning my sanity. So none of these people even knew the true me. I'm a strong gay man. I decided to come out to the rest of my living family on L. day. It's hard as a 36-year-old man, and their response was not one of hate. But it was, What the hell took you so long? I'm truly blessed and finally feel free. Just started a new job and moving past this dark part of my life. Thank you, LPN, for being my comical relief every week. Thanks sincerely, Josh M. Congratulations, it's so fucking hard. Dude, I'm so happy for you that you were

able to overcome your fear and tell your family who you really are. And I'm so fucking proud of you. Fuck yeah. And hopefully if you're at home and hopefully Josh is inspiring you as well, including everyone else that we're shouting out today. I just want to thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I love to, I just, I want to help you celebrate your happinesses.

I'm here to grieve with you with your losses. I'm here. I've got the emotional space, and I love you all. Have a great week, and we'll be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.