Page 7 - Ep. 468: We Love You, Snake Island

Episode Date: October 14, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout the TOOOOOUR, Holden's Goop list, Snake Island, Fat Bear Week, The Great British Bake Off gets dark, Gisele Bündchen probably bein' a witch, the Mario trailer droppin', more on Kanye's latest meltdown, Tom Cruise takin' off to space in search of more fish, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Is Pete Wentz Joe Biden's SON?! a List full of forgotten sequels and the Emperor of the Night stops by for a some spoOoOoOoky Blindz and finally the SHOUTS! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm MJ. And I'm Holden from the Page 7 podcast, or we're going on tour! That's right, we're touring all up in this mother freaking country. Fake cursing so whatever, Jackie. Just say the filthy F word already. And we will say the filthy F word when we come to your town. First up, we'll be in Austin and Dallas, Texas on November 17th and 18th, respectively.

Or disrespectively. Sure, Jackie, disrespectively. For ticket links and more details, visit page 7. That's right, page 7. That's right, page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present. Release the butthole cut! Wait, that's really what we're calling the tour? Absolutely.

Release the butthole cut. For more information, go to page 7. Show. Stop me if you've heard this one before. I was working in the lab late one night. I've heard this one before. I've heard it before. It's a very side for my monster from a slab.

He got a drive. It was Holden. It was Holden that's the monster. And Holden smashed his way through. And no one wasn't a graveyard smash. It was just a regular lizard smash. I'm working on my weights issue. He put his pus over the graveyard.

Even the ghosts were like, get out of here, Holden. We hate it when you're in the graveyard. Oh, I hate it when I'm in the graveyard. Great, Jackie. You just got kamoops. You got kamoops from Jayzee. I thought you were talking about the tour to open this show. Why are we talking about my goop?

Well, because maybe you're going to bring your goop to Dallas or Austin or many of the... Holden always travels with his coop. He's shaking his head. You can't meet Holden without... That's right. It's coming out with its own holiday list. Oh. Okay.

So you want some separate Christmas toes. Those are $2,000. You can send that check to me and I'll procure you those. You should sell an island. Yes. Let's go get an island. and we'll put it on your goop, your own goop, Holden goop.

I'm going to sell that island that like, there's only that one photograph of it where like from the helicopter of that like tribe that's never seen, you know, it's like that cannibal tribe or whatever. You're going to be just like the trailer that Janelle just bought on sister wives. Yeah, I'm talking about sister wives

instead of talking about the tour that we are all going on. Or Snake Island. You've ever heard of Snake Island, right? There's that one island just covered in snakes. Don't tell your wife. Your wife hates snakes. Oh my God.

It freaked me out. I've never read about Snake Island. My husband has a little. I love snakes. That's put Holden and Gideon on the Snake Island. Oh, my God, guys. It's in Brazil. Are we doing a show at Snake Island? It sounds like we are. Also, it is Snake Island. It's an island off the coast of Brazil in the Atlantic Ocean.

And it is literally just covered at wall-to-wall and insanely poisonous snakes. If you don't like snakes, I am Googling it. If you do not like snakes, do not look up Snake Island. If you're mortified with snakes, why would you ever Google something up? I don't know. Curiosity killed the cat and Curiosity also could kill the snakes scare. Oh, good Lord. Yeah, yeah.

It is a whole situation. It is wild. It's a snake suasion. Oh my God, MJ. You beat it. That's it. It's a snake suasion. They're just everywhere and they're apparently

like really poisonous and it is just. Is there anything for snakes like there's a rat king? Is there anything like do snakes get tangled up in other snakes? Is that a thing? I think you'd probably get. a snake king. Yeah, you probably have a snake lord as well, someone who went there and befriended the snakes. Well, there is a movie called Snake King, but it does make me think of Serpent King. Can you believe, MJ, it's been at least a month since we've even thought about Riverdale?

Oh, I think about Riverdale every week because I always think, when is it coming back? Because I know what it does. I'll have to talk about it. And so it's almost like when you have something like a doctor's appointment, you're like, I really need to make that appointment. You know, that's what Riverdale is for me. It's like it follows. I feel like there should be a version of it follows with Riverdale. We're just like, I know it's coming, but I don't go then. I know that it's going to get me, but I don't know when.

I don't know how many episodes there's going to be. One of those like pajama blankets that like fits like, what do they go with? Snuggies. Snuggie. You're wearing a snuggy. You're like, why God? So the danger of the island comes in the form of the golden lancehead pit vipers. One of the deadliest snakes in the world.

The lanceheads can grow to be over a foot and a half long, and it's estimated there are between 2,000 and 4,000 of them on Snake Island. Can you imagine having to go on trying to tag the snakes to try to find out which snake and how many it's like when you, you know, how you used to have to try to guess how many gumballs are in the big jar, you know, I imagine that that's the methodology here. They just look at the picture and they're like, got to be what, 2,000 snakes? I think that's just a guesstimate. I just said because we didn't even get into Fat Bear Week, which we should have talked about

last week, and it makes me think about Snake Island because they do showcase the different bears and how much weight they've gained before they go into hibernation as a as a success story which also makes me feel good i feel like that's the kind of content i need in front of my eyes so if they can do that with the fat bears they should be able to do it on snake island there you go i say we'd be celebrating these snakes we are four and a half now almost five minutes and we still have not really gotten to our tour yes we're coming to snake island we're going to snake island you are in Love. Page 7.

No, but please go to page 7. 7. com so you can find out more about all of these little numbers, little giggies we got coming up here. Austin and Dallas,

November 17th and November 18th. We got Washington, D.C., Philly and Brooklyn in early December, the 6th, 7th, and 8th of December.

Yes, you are correct. What else you got for us, Jackie? Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Chicago, that's December 14th, 15th, 16th, and San Francisco.

Give us your golden gates. They won't let me sing on the promos. That's January 13 and January 15th. We're going to be back in Los Angeles. There you go. And we're going to have MJ on our turf. How are you?

Are you scared of us? I am so not scared of Los Angeles because I've heard good things about the medical or not medical anymore. Just legalized marijuana industry there. It's just I forget when I go other places. I don't even know how I'm supposed to have a wedding in Florida where it's just so, you can't just smoke weed whenever you want. Yeah. I think that it's, I mean, it is. In New York, it's technically legal, but it's legal in this weird way where it's not legal to sell,

but it's legal to have. There's still those stores. And as residents of Los Angeles, I will promise you, because of the rules it lacks, we will be flying into your town with edibles and smokeable marijuana. But if you want to bring more, I completely understand. Yes. If you get a VIP ticket, you could bring local offerings from your... More like VIWIW!

Noise, noise, noise, noise. No, we are going to be a VIP ticket. No, no, no, nois. No, nois. No. No. No. having VIP tickets where we'll be able to do meet and greets and you will get a free signed

poster for us and we're going to have so much fun and I'll be able to hug you consensually if you give me the wink if you give me a wink oh yeah we should have a nonverbal code to confirm our hugging and there will there will be an optional champagne room if you would like a dance from me but no touchy touchy if you're going to perform the dance for you cannot touch I think you will be bound to the chair with ropes. I think you have to pay them if they go You can also pay extra to make sure that Holden doesn't dance for you. That's like the next level up VIP. And of course, of course, my do always do my famous seduction dance to walk like an Egypt show.

Oh, no, I think that's going to get, what are you the Great British Bake-off? What are we talking about here? How you say? Green British King. It's going to be real rough of you to walk like an Egyptian. I don't think that you're going to bring the Bengals aspect into it. I think you're going to do more the Egyptian aspect. And then you're going to be singing tecos and pick a little.

to Gallo, which everyone was so upset about. I can I just say, you know, I kind of love how upset people get over the Great British Bake Off international episodes. I think it's very funny. I think that people, we're just like, I mean, I don't know. I'm not from the UK. I know that things are different there and their idea of racism is different there. And also, they've colonized a lot of places.

So I feel like they've got like a leg up and a lot of things. I don't know a lot about the history. We remember this from the QE2 episode. A Lega. Coddics in the world does give you a bit of a Lega. I just love how angry. They said, Teco, how dare they say pickle de gallo? Those vast ones.

And I know, I will say Noel and Matt showing up atop. In the garb. It's offensive. I just feel like it's, do they do it on purpose to get people to talk about it? Because I mean, who, I mean, I'm excited about the new season of Great British Bake Off always. I love that. I'm watching the shit out of it. Every week.

Yeah. But maybe this is the kind of thing like the Japanese episode, which also was a, was rough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's no question that they're doing a bad job in that sense. It's certainly their pronunciation. Oh, yes.

And it's 100%. But how are they supposed? Can't they physically like not make the sounds almost? Because they're so British. Like, I just don't see it. You know what I mean? I don't even think it's offensive. Like, I don't think they can physically, that's like, you know, being offended.

I don't even trying to think of something, but I was thinking of a disability. We're dumb Americans. No, we're just dumb Americans. So I can't even be like, like this accent where they can, because I'm just like, I don't know because I'm a very dumb American. Guys, right, we're coming from the most monolingual, we have the, we are living in the most monolingual, like, country in the, in the entire world. Which is ridiculous.

Look, I'm not like a master of linguistics, but I'd like to think I could easily get a PhD in it. And I just want to say I'm almost certainly British tongue is physically unable to pronounce pickle de gallo. Oh, that's what, that's what their problem is, it's their tongue. It's because it's been scalded by so much tea. Yes, they scald it with the tea. It gets thickened. It gets numbed.

And they can't, yeah, yeah, they can't make that sound. And it's so, like, okay, obviously, like much of what is the United States, like used to actually just be Mexico. But it's not like people in the United States. And obviously, there's a ton of Spanish, you know, there's a lot of, but it's not like all the people. in the United States are monolingual, but like as a country, like, policy-wise, we're very monolingual. But we're talking about, like, even if we're talking in the Southwest and they're talking about Mexican food, and this American Southwest, they call it Queso. Like, we're not really, like, the, we're not really, hello, are you ourselves over here. But I think that, I think that

it's just, there's something about Paul Hollywood calling it a taco that is both, like, it's not, to me it's not offensive, but I'm not the one to be offended. So I can't determine whether it's defensive or not. To me, it's just like, you silly British people, why are you so silly? You know, why do you say it like that? I mean, it's like, oh, they were like, oh, and look at how bad these are. Those tacos look delicious. They looked, oh, man, but why were they making tacos for a bakeoff? They had to bake the tortillas or whatever. That was one point someone made. It was like, there are so many like baked things you could have chosen. Yeah, you never heard of a fucking Mexican bakery? Like, or trestlechis. Can't give you some fucking trisletches? Right. Yeah, why are they

making tacos. I think that I do kind of believe that it is a little interesting, that people are more up in arms about this episode than they are about the fact that Prue, one of the judges from Great British Bake Off, put out a memoir called I'll try anything once where she talks about drowning kittens as a child. But that's the name of the book. I'll try anything once. Is drowning kittens in a bag of thing? Yes, it is. Did she try it? Yes, she did.

She's upset about it, Jackie, though. She's very traumatized. She's traumatized by this way. A bit of a Betty Cooper move, though. This is, I can't believe you didn't make a Riverdale reference. It's caramel all over again. It's a little bit of caramel. And we get a little Lily Reinhardt in there.

And I know that it wasn't her, like she didn't want to. But I just feel it's very interesting that this comes out in the same week where I was like, I'm more interested in the trauma of Prue having to kill these kittens. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that. Silence. I don't know what to say about killing kittens.

What do you want me to say about this old woman who killed a bag of kittens when she was a little girl? I feel so bad for her. It's not mewing. I know. Trigger warning, by the way. It is really upsetting. Jesus Christ.

I just want to say, I don't think Mary Barry ever drowned a bag of kittens. No, she's just drunk and Betty and she's scummy. And I, you know, it's just different, but she is drunk. I mean, I think she's probably mean. Well, she's trying to numb the pain.

away of this early traumatic experience. I mean, it just sounds horrible. Mary Barry. No, Prue is a little delight. Oh, yeah. Prue is also very drunk, though. So she loves, she's always, they're always like, oh, I'll put a bit of booze in it for you, Prue.

And she's like, oh. Not enough for me. So, yeah, she brought up her trauma. I just, of all the hub of about, it was like, can we just think about our priorities here and the things that are like, think of the trauma of this woman instead of thinking about piccogel. Right. That's all I'm saying. I mean, yeah, exactly. I agree. And also, like, isn't it just funny? Because sometimes can it just be funny? Can just they be awkward about

the mispronouncing pronunciation? We just say that's what they're really trying to lean into. Right. I'm really actually kind of surprised that they keep doing it, which is why I think it must be to get the, the onlines to be upset. Like, when I see, going back, like, the Japanese episode, when I see a Japanese person do an impression of an American, I only love it. Oh, yeah. Every other nationality doing a depression of America is the best shit. Yeah. It's the best. I have fallen into a part of TikTok where it is asking people on international lands what they think about Americans.

And they're always like, they're fat. Right. All saying they're fat. They're all fat. The lights in the loud. Did you see the one on Snake Island? It was all like. It's got, it's right.

You're right? We're here on Snake Island to ask what they think about America. I'm with you snakes. That's a lot of asses. But maybe, I don't know, maybe Giselle's head into Snake Island and maybe that's where she's getting some of her power because if we don't talk about Giselle being a witch, I don't know what we do on this show. Yeah.

I did, okay, let's just say it. Up top, I didn't give a shit about Tom Brady and Giselle breaking up. I don't really care about their divorce very much. I'm not, but I'm also not like, I know that you. either love Tom Brady or you hate Tom Brady. I am indifferent towards Tom Brady. I know that he is a good ball player. I don't want ball players.

I got girls. Girls, I want you sleep after the game, not what you coach during the game. That's a line from a league of their own. But we are here talking about Jazeel and Tom Brady, and so they are getting divorced, but I also, speaking of TikTok, witch talk, get on it. If you don't follow witch talk, I am absorbed.

You're both shaking your head at me. Jackie's always talking about goose talk. Not the witch one, but I just wanted to say a general about it. More like Dick Schlock, am I right? Diggs is not the witch talk. More like Dick Schlock. Oh, so you're not saying not witch talk because you're scared? Yes.

You should be scared. Why don't want a witch's curse? No one wants that. By the way, I'm pretty sure I've clocked about seven or eight witches curses up to this point in my life. I don't need any more, Jackie. Oh, you don't need anymore. Well, maybe you need someone giving you a little bit of. of protective coating the way Giselle has been doing with Tom Brady for years.

Giselle has cast protective wards to shield Tom's body, spells to enhance his athletic abilities, and given him potions that have allowed him to freeze time and stop the aging process. The agreement between Brady and his witch wife was that she'd support his athletic endeavors, and in exchange, he'd retire at the age of 45. The tarot number for making positive life changes, meaning leaving football to spend time with his family. Brady broke this promise with Giselle when he announced he was returning to the NFL after a 40-day

retirement. That number is important too, because 40 is the number for following life's purpose or the soul's desire. Aren't all the numbers have a thing? And then 41 is the number for finding your energy source. That's the point of, yeah, you have to follow your numerology. What's your number

holding? I'm a nine. I'm a nine. And I'm a 6.9. Yeah, I bet. Noose. No. Hi, my bodyach. We're like Dix-Shlock. Yeah, that's what it is.

You better watch out, man. The white bitch, Giselle is coming for you, bro. Snake Island's got a TikTok, too. It's awesome. They did this one the other day. They were like, We love you, Snake Garland. They're dancing to Lizzo.

They, like, formed a Lizzo. They, like, fully formed a full-on Lizzo. It was so cool. Is that who clapped back at Kanye? Oh, my God. Man, I'm just, I'm killing it over here. I'm not ready to move on to that yet. Like a lucid dream.

I still don't understand what's going on with Giselle the witch. I love this quote right here. This is Tom Brady. I'll do a little Tom Brady, too. It's like literally him explaining how she's a witch without realizing it. I've learned a lot from my wife over the years. She's so about the power of intention and believing things that are really going to happen. And she's always making a little altar for me at the game because she just wills it so much.

So she put together a little altar for me that I can bring with pictures of my kids. I have these little special stones and healing stones and protective montstones. And she has me wear a necklace covered in bones and take these drops she makes and say all these mantras. She has me cut, slice my flesh off my body. I put it on the altar. I don't know where the real one stopped and where you started because it all sounds like a hold in bed. We've been killing animals lately and putting them on the altar. We go to different sources for those.

It's amazing. I love the smell of blood. I love the smell of it. Are you saying, so I will say, I believe in all of this. I believe in rituals. I believe in the idea of using your energy. We're like, bittuals. Yes, it's bittuals.

You're going to, you better watch out, Holden. I'll do a ritual. Oh, you want to see, you want to feel my wrap? You want to see a bit of a huddin? She's levitating. She's floating above me. It's like some premeditary shit. I'm sending the snakes to your house.

Alexi hates snakes. Well, she's going to have to realize what she married. I was. love to marry snake ella. Yeah. The snake lady. You're going to have snake Ella and she's going to force you to be her husband and I can't wait to watch that wedding.

I honestly know what be a great wedding. Had something to say about this and I just feel like we should back the truck up. Oh, I just sent all the snakes up. I've been, okay, this week has been a rough one for keeping up with fucking celebrity shit because. God, it's just shit everywhere you turn. And then I'm like, I have to learn about Tom Brady.

I have carefully avoided learning about Tom Brady this whole time. And so, yes, his wife being a witch is the most appealing thing about him. And so I am excited to learn about Giselle in that sense. But also. Yeah, I mean, it all takes a little deathcon three. And you're just like, please let me learn about the football playing, man. Anything but that. Yeah, it's a relief to spend time.

about Tom Brady after looking at Kanye's tweets. I was trying to like, because I know that there's like reasons of why like he's not doing as well as he could be or used to be in the past of like that the wards are starting to slip off of his body and that soon we're going to see. I just really hope we watch Tom Brady like in witches, you know, where he just like peels off his skin and he's like, I'm like no. And then we banish him to Snake Island. but then he's still playing football. With the snakes. Yeah. I love it.

Now, that's actually a great reboot of their own. Get rid of the television show. I want to see Tom Brady goes, and he turns snakes into ball players. Snakes can't play baseballs. Baseballs for human men. That's a great goal from it. They're also women's snakes. They'll have like red lipstick on and stuff.

They'll like, ooh. Don't get me all turned on. It's like Greta the Gremlin. I love Greta. I am Greta. are slithering in baseball. And they slithered right on onto home base.

I'm so glad, dude, we started with fucking Snake Island because it's like my favorite thing to be a through line for an episode we've ever done is that how Jackie or somebody has to say Snake Island at some point every five.

And now because of fucking Fuck Island or F-Boy Island and Love Island, I can't stop thinking about Snake Island about like the reality show. Yeah, exactly. It just sounds like a reality show. fucking. Exactly. Yes. I love that. So now do you like Tom Brady more? Do you like him less, MJ? I like him. I like his wife more and I like him less. I like Jazele more for sure. I had no idea any of these things. Because again, I also, it's not even though I actively didn't look up Tom Brady.

I just, I don't know any, I know that he's a ball player. I know he's a good one. I know he's a good one. He's a good ball player, but I think we don't like him as a man, right? Is he a bad man? I think he's a bit, I feel like he aligned himself with the previous White House administration as my memory. He's kind of like, I feel like he's, and this is an intended segue, I feel like he's kind of a Chris Pratt of the football. Yes, that is my impression as well.

So it's a me. It's a Tom Brady. Is that what he says? It's a Tom Brady. Which I love. Yes, of course, the Mario movie trailer finally came out. I don't think, yes, it is just definitely Chris Pratt doing a Chris Pratt voice. I don't think that it's necessarily like a Sonics teeth situation.

If anybody gets that reference of like, we got to change. This is horrible. Right. But I'm also surprised, like, I don't know what. people thought I also I talk about this lot with Jake so I have some like new insights on it. If it was the this voice for an entire year, I want to have a movie. I'm going to hate it no matter why. Yeah, yeah.

I think that if it was like the original voice, unfortunately, I don't know how palatable that would be for an entire hour and a half. Plus, they're obviously going to do the thing, right? I'm just a normal Brooklyn guy. Oh, no, what's this cartoon pipe? This is crazy. It's in the human world. Oh, I just went down.

Oh, my God. It's a me. I'm a Mario now. Oh, why? Now I got to fight this. Crazy Dragon guy. You know what I mean? They're just going to do that thing.

Completely. And I, you know, I will say the movie looks cool as shit. The animation looks awesome. Beautiful. I want to watch the movie, but I don't want to listen to the movie. Yeah. No, and I had no idea that like when Bowser came out and then it's like, I heard his voice was like, oh my God, is Jack Black Bowser?

I just feel like in his, like I just, I love Jack Black. I love following his socials. He is such a delight. And Henry has worked with him in the past and just says he is everything. you want him to be. And so I'm so happy for, like, I love that Charlie Day is in it. And I think it's just because I'm obsessed with that damn Amazon Prime rom-com that he did with Jenny Slate, which is so fucking good called I Want You Back.

We talk about it on talking TV. I'm kind of weirdly obsessed with it. So I'm happy for the movie. But people are going to be upset regardless. And I just think what is weird is that beforehand when everyone's like, okay, when he first got it. And Chris Pat, Chris Pratt was everywhere just being like, it's gonna be great. It's gonna be like a Mario you've never before.

It's a real go to the movies movie. I was like, yes. It's gonna show up. I'll buy a ticket. Get your popcorn or sit in a movie kind of movie. My main problem with it is someone that does read these damn articles all the fucking time. I was like, I remember being like, you're not even gonna believe what Mario's gonna sound like in this movie. And it's literally just his voice.

That's why I was upset about it. Not even about the Mario per se. It's just the fact of like, that's not, you're not bowling me over. You didn't like go out and get like a real Italian accent or something. Like, you didn't gaga this. I was going to say they shouldn't gaga it. It's true that we don't want to hear like Jared Leto do like Jared Leto and House of Gucci for Mario for the whole hour and a half. But it's just like, I don't know.

I feel like there's, when I watched it, you know, Giddy was like, have you seen all the people discussing it? And I was like, yes, okay, let's watch it. And it was just like, oh, that, you know, like. Yeah. And it would have been, I know we would have been angry if he had done an accent. We would have been angry if he didn't do an accent. So I think it's just, as soon as it was Chris Pratt, it was just like, that's what you're getting. But it was anticlimactic after all this buildup.

And after everyone's like, it's a meme audio for the last fucking nine months or whatever to just hear it. Right. It's me, Chris Pratt, doing a little bit of a barrio. It's kind of doing a Bronx accent kind of thing. Right. I've never heard it before. Oh, my God. I'll never feel the same way again.

How he's reinvented the wheel of Mario. But, I mean, this whole thing is like, yeah, those quotes are stupid. Those quotes are definitely just protective, right? Like, you know, you will regret your words and deeds or whatever, right? But I don't know what he could have done that would make people react like that. Do you think that he, like, hit up Kanye and was like, hey, man, this would be a great time for you to have another. No, no, not like that. But also maybe like that.

Chris Pratt, I don't know. I do feel like it's like you've just hit up Kanye just being like, if you could just have another great public mental break that would really help me out with the whole Mario situation. 100%. I will say how quickly everyone moved on from Chris Pratt as Mario into like Kanye having another

brutal mental breakdown. I'll take it even a step even further. He saw what happened with Don't worry darling and Adam Levine and that's what led him to do that. He was like, can you fuck up in this so hard way so that I will not have to deal with this just like, it's a bit of a movie, go up movie.

You gotta get up, you go to the movie to see a movie. And also the fact that he didn't even, it's DefCon, not DeathCon. I know, all right, well, you want to get into it? I guess we, I mean, we cut, I don't want to, but I feel like there's so much happening with it

that we have to bring up Kanye and what's going. And now for a very special episode. Yeah, that's true. Every time a fucking celebrity does something like really, really, really racist or bad, just really, some sort of taps into some sort of oppression. I feel like it is a page seven very special episode where we have to be like, okay. Now, anti-semitism is a very serious thing. We're talking about Snake Island and Kanye.

Don't get whatever meaning that is out of your brain. Kanye is the snake island of celebrities, essentially. Yeah, pretty much, I guess. And he said that he was going death-concent. three on Jewish people. And he just, like, he put, I know, it's just so, like, he, and so he got banned for, like, got to pause

from Twitter, because that's all you can really do for Kanye. And then he, like, kind of said, like, the funny thing is, I actually can't be anti-Semitic because black people are actually Jew. Also, you guys have toyed with me and tried to blackball anyone whoever opposes your agenda.

It's rough. It's not rough. It's just really, really rough. So, uh, what is your favorite track off of my beautiful dark-kasted fantasy. Mine's a monster. Yeah. But you know what, man, Mel Gibson's still making movies.

So it's like at the end of the day. I just feel like I'm mad at him at this point for just forcing my hand on the music of his that I like. Yeah. I'm like, man, I just want to like your, it's kind of the same thing as like rolling a little bit where you're just like, bro,

I just want to like the fucking silly wizard books you wrote. Can you stop? I know. Oh, J.Gier-Row. It's rough. I'm like, can you just stop? I'm not putting fucking Michael Jackson on my playlist anymore.

I remember what everyone was like, but, but do we have to stop watching Woody Allen movies? And I was like, well, thank God this is just not my personal problem because I never was really into a L. Holden had to do it. Holden said, yes. And I haven't watched a Woody Allen movie. In years I have not watched a Woody Allen movie. I identify with that feeling of you're like, oh, no, somebody I really like is about to deservedly get canceled. Am I going to have to stop?

And of course, I feel like, we litigated that. And then people are like, maybe I can, whatever. If you still want to like your person who's canceled and just knowing all those things happen, I feel like, whatever, that's, people can, people can do that. But like, you know, with Kanye, it is, it's, it's been so many years since I was like, got really into a Kanye album. It doesn't feel like a massive loss. I feel like Jesus was the last one that I was really excited about.

Yeah, yeah, he's luckily, he hasn't put out very good music. And, yeah, probably since he's this. But it is a shame to be like, wow, like an artist who I used to feel like a lot of really good feelings about, not only went from somebody who I had bad feelings about and then kept having bad feelings about and then kept having bad feelings about. But now it's just like, okay, this is like, this is just one of the worst public meltdowns we have seen. Yeah, it's bad. I was already kind of lost by like, because even he was just like, the White Lives Matters. thing. It's me being an artist and I'm like trying to make a statement and do all this kind of stuff.

But I'm like, yeah, but you're just also in a picture with Candace Owen. So no, you can't like get me back by trying to be like, I'm the artist. And it's more than just like what it is. It's art. No. And then, yeah, and then the anti-Semitic stuff. It was so funny to the series of the rollout where he gets kicked off of Instagram that he's back on Twitter. And then Elon Musk is like, welcome back. Good old boy. Good old buddy. And then he immediately. is like the Jews are horrible. I'm so sorry. Let's speak privately for a second.

I misspoke. Yeah, yeah. I've had a misstep. And this is also after that Kanye just did a two-part interview with Tucker Carlson on Fox News. And so at the same time, while all this stuff is going on, he did essentially say that the body positive movement is promoting ideals that are demonic and that it is the genocide of the black race. and just talking about specifically Lizzo's weight and body positivity. And I love the fact that her clapback was on stage. I feel like everybody in America got my motherfucking name in their motherfucking mouth,

but no, is that a reference to the slap, too? By the way, is that also a slap reference? I'm minding my fat, black, beautiful business. I love that that is, like, no, like nothing online. Yeah. Just set it at the concert. I'm just like, no, man.

What is she was like, why are you fucking talking about me, right? Like, what are you doing? I didn't ask you to talk about me. It's like, how many fucking famous, like, fat, black women are there? Like, there's not that many. And Kanye has to be like, you are the problem with America. Like, fucking, it is not. I mean, I feel like, it's similar to, like, people flipping the fuck out about trans stuff.

It's like, how many even are there at the end of the day? I think you'll live. Yes. They're not taking your jobs or something. You know what I mean? It's not going to get on you either. But also, get fucked. And I guess if you have to feel those horrific things or think those disgusting thoughts,

keep them to your fucking self. Nobody needs to fucking hear it. Just keep your lips shut and have some acceptance. And the fact that it's just like, it destroys me the fact that he uses his platform for evil. There's just so many things that, like, and I know that he does do some good things. And why does he have to ruin all of the good? that he does with saying things like this.

And I know, I know we've talked about it on here before. He has mental health problems. And he is, like, no one can help him. He needs to learn, he needs to choose to help himself at some point. But what's the line? Kicking him off Twitter? What the fuck does that do? What does that do?

I mean, muzzling him is actually might be the only thing left that might get him. He just finds different avenues. Right. I guess. Once you're off, I mean, you see how people get to platform. and they do kind of go away. We just saw that with that fucking Tate guy, whatever. Everyone tries to act like when you, you know,

they'll just find a different way. But you know what? Even Trump right now is on like his weird, dumb, own thing. Yeah. That like, who's even on that? Like, you know what I mean? I think that de-platforming is, and this is why, and, you know,

I feel like the people like, there's this huge panic about college students are protesting, Fassist. Remember the whole thing of like, oh, Milo Yanopolis can't even speak anywhere anymore. All these college students are protesting him. And then it's like Milo Yanapolis is a pedophile. And then everyone was like slowly backing into the bushes. And I feel like that's, it's like, deep platform people, man. Of course the state shouldn't be doing it. That's a free speech argument. Yeah, but fucking like if, yeah, Kanye should be on Twitter. Elon Musk shouldn't be like high five

in Kanye. Well, that's why I'm scared of, you know, when this, all this went down with Elon, possibly taking Twitter over and I get that a lot of people are going to love that reality. But like I get like PTSD when I see that, you know, because he wants to just open door policy for anybody to scream on that site. And like during a certain presidency, it was a nightmare. Yeah, he thinks that fascists are too censored, you know. He thinks they don't have enough power on Twitter, you know. Yeah, it caused a huge issue.

So I am okay with it for sure. It is just so crazy. I didn't think he could find a new, like, I wonder what's going on. I keep thinking right now, I'm like, what's going on in his camp right now? Because there's got to be a lot of actual legitimate damage control finally kind of happening, I think. And I'm sure he's trying to explain away how, no, what I was really saying was like God, right? Like, God does, you know what he mean? And, but there was some really good tweets from people.

Jack Antonoff told Connie to go fuck himself or something like that. Regina Specter had a really good tweet about it. There was a video of Jamie Lee Curtis crying about it. Yeah. It's just like, that sucks, man. Why you got to add to the hate? There's no reason for it. I don't know.

And I get so annoyed that his, like, followers are so annoying. Like, if you look in the comments, you know, they're just so, like, I just don't even get the logic. It just doesn't even make, you know, they're just so, you know, that's when our obsession with celebrity culture gets dark to me. Yes. The celebrity, and it's like the Kanye thing is this, it really is this interesting.

Like we try not to talk a lot about politics on the show, but in the last, one of the things that's changed over the course of having the show is over the last decade, it's like there's this, you can't totally silo these things off from each other. And like, I feel like, watch how many conservative politicians are embracing Kanye

and now feel like a little bit. Like, they love, like, all these politicians who are like, well, we, we, we support his white lives. Oh, Kanye's not allowed to say white lives matter. Interesting. And then he, like, says this wildly anti-Semitic thing. And they're all like, no comment.

You know, so it's like, people don't. It's always that guy that's like, yeah, they're trying to stop this guy. And then like, and then they also say another like, it's like, yeah. What has gone over the line where, I mean, but also. The mental jumping jacks, people have the mental hoops. People have to go through to try to separate the racist sentiment from racism is like so crazy to me. It's like, no, it's gross.

And then when you have something that you can't really explain away like death con three on Jews, then people are like, I guess we have to say that's bad. Like even because even Elon Musk has to be like, I guess I don't condone that. But also it's not as if I feel like it's so interesting because it's also not as if everyone is like universally like, okay, anti-Semitism is really bad that we should, this should be stopped either because everyone's just kind of like, Oh, he said that. And then I guess we'll just keep on rolling.

I liked somebody, I had a tweet essentially being like, and the worst part about it is when you're trying to be like, they control everything. And then you rightfully get shut down for that. You just, it's damned if you do, damn if you don't, right? You prove their point then, right? And so it's like such an annoying stance to take and then to like back up, you know what I mean, by being like, yeah, exactly.

it's like see what they're doing see what they're doing to me you know what I mean and it's just annoying we should banish him to Snake Island which is technically queen of Taylor Swift right isn't Taylor that would be so

wouldn't Taye be the queen of Snake Island to Kanye specifically she's the snake lordress she's the snake lordress yeah we should definitely we should have a reality show called Snake Island it is all just a front to get Kanye banished

to Snake Island it'll be so good hosted by Taylor Swift midnight's October 21st. Man. And it's so, and it really is like, Taylor must just feel so weird every time he has,

because you know, if a celebrity especially, anytime anyone's really mean to you, you remember, but especially if a celebrity's mean to you, you remember. Yes. And I,

you know, there's, we've talked about that incident a lot on the show and there's like, there's some interesting, I don't think that we had to banish Kanye back then per se.

There was, there was, whatever, like that was a really shitty thing to do, but also he might have been right about Beyonce's music video or whatever, but like to... What? No, I thought no, I'm...

No, no, no, no, no. I didn't we have that conversation on the Rwine where we talked about this? Yes, we did. I'm not the first one to say that on this show. I agree with you, MJ. I support you 100%. I guess it's MJ's dead to me day.

Interesting, Market. October 11th. I was not trying to break news on this. In the sentence, I was trying to represent something we had already talked about. So you think that poor young woman should have had the trophy stripped from her in that moment. It's not interesting. Isn't that fascinating? You didn't feel that way about a young woman simply trying to make it in this world?

I'm just saying that back 2009, 2004 to 2009, it was like what he said with Mike Myers, George Bush doesn't care about black people. It was like Kanye has a point. And after he was very rude to Taylor Swift, I think that there was at least, people could say, well, he was, he was rude. He said it in a weird way, but perhaps he has a point. Kanye has not had a point since at least 2016. Yeah, yeah. It's been so all over the, it's been so wild. And it's not only that he doesn't have a point is that the point he has is actively, horrifically anti-black and anti-Semitic and, you know, all these other things. So I'm just saying that Taylor Swift must really lean back and sip her to. T whenever this happens. You know, she must be very satisfied. For sure. I mean, why not?

You know, why wouldn't it feel good to be constantly justified in like your side of things? Especially after being quote unquote, like, I don't even know how can't, not canceled. What even is the word? She just became the lame kid for a while in pop. Yeah. How do you guys think that Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes feel about Tom Cruise being the first person to ever. Now it is set in stone the first actor to shoot a movie in outer space. Where's he going to get his fish, man? There's no fish in space. I think they're going to have

to import it from Earth, right? Space or space fish. Maybe they have some kind of alien life form out there. You think there's space? Do you think he'll be able to fuck the space fish? Maybe it heals him. He's going to try to fuck some alien wildlife, definitely. I just love that the UFEG's chairman said, I think Tom Cruise is taking us to space. He's taking the world. world to space. Okay. All right. He's shooting a scene in outer space.

Technically, if you think about that, very cool. I do wish it was it, like, it is going to be done by the same person, the born identity director, Doug Lyman. And so in my brain, I think that he has to, like, go to space to save the world, which I will say Fast and the Furious Nine already did. But I guess if you're going to go to real space. space to do it. It makes it better.

And I just love the fact that they're talking about him like he is a Messiah for being able to have the money to buy into a project so that he can shoot a scene in outer space. Also, it's like commercials space flight stuff has been a thing already. Yeah, Jeff Bezos already went to space. William Shatner just went to space and wrote a beautiful ode to the goodbye to the earth about it. He was like it was the most depressing grief-stricken I've ever.

felt like looking down. I'm so happy to hear that because I ask this question all the time and I'm blown away by people who are like, absolutely, I would definitely do that. When I ask it, would you go to space? I think it would exactly feel like that. It would feel like so sad and like just upsetting. I don't, there's just no part of it. I feel small all the time.

I don't need that. Well, it feel big. But I also feel small mentally. Just so you could feel like weightlessness. That's the only reason why you go. I know. then I'm just going to go on the ride at Disney Mission of Mars, which still always blows my mind, where they send you at such a centripetal force that you feel like you're going into outer space.

And also, Gary Sinise is there? Gary Sinise. Isn't that all you want? If I'm going to space, I want Gary Sinise to be. It's all you need. You just made a face, MJ. Is Gary Sinise a badman? No, no, no, I like Gary Sinise.

I mean, I don't know if he's a badman, but I like him. No, I don't like those. He shot a bunch of elementary score kids that. I believe. How many times I've put in, like I did this early, Tom Brady, bad man, question mark. Garrison, he's bad man, question mark. It doesn't give me what I want.

I think he got to search has Garrison. He's been canceled and then you probably get your answer. Oh, that's, right, right. No, my face was about, I was thinking about those carnival rides where they spin the thing so much and you stick to the wall. Oh, yes, I love them. I love them. Oh, I don't want that in my head.

Are you not a spinny? Wait, do you like rides? though, right? I love roller coasters, but I cannot spin. I used to love that, but I have found that in my older age, some of those things that I used to love, not as fun. Like the, exactly, anything like the car that just runs around and around around. I'm thinking like, yeah.

Yeah, that kind of stuff. I like a straight up roller coaster. That's what I want. Wooden, steel, whatever, loops, spins, all that stuff. But I don't like, no longer do I like to be fucking, dangled just up high and spun around. That's just not my shit. When you come in for the L.A.

Page 7, The Wizard and the Bruiser tour, release the butthole cut, MJ. We should go to Not Scary Farm because they have some of the best coasters I have ever been on. It's big coasters down here. Oh, God, I love a coaster. I haven't been on a coaster as an adult, and I have much more anxiety than I do as an adult, and I'm a little worried I won't enjoy it, but I used to love them. It hurts. There is this one ride at Not Scary Farm.

called like the pony time. That's not what it's called. But you get on top of a pony and you, so you're sitting all pert with your ass jutted out like you're a jockey. And then this back piece comes up and just holds your lower back. That's it. And then you shoot off really, really fast. And I tell you what, man, I could afterwards, it was like, we were there with a bunch of our

friends and Jeff and I are both like, oh, no, we're too old to ride this ride. Like, my back hurt so bad after I got off the ride. And I was like, oh, no. I'm finally like how my mom would hold all the bags and be like, you go, you go, because she has a bad back. And I'm like, am I going to be the mom that has to hold all the bags? And then I can't go on the ride. I love being that person on the beach because I'm scared of the water. Yes, leave me here and I'll get drunk on the beach.

But I don't want to be the one that can't go on the rides. Am I just talking myself into a mental fucking breakdown right now? You about to say something anti-Semitic, Jackie? Yeah. What do you think about Jews? I tried to depart when I was 13. It's just so, it's so crazy to me in 2022 to make any kind of statement about, quote, the Jews. Yeah.

And again, I feel like there is like a, what is that? People, I think that oftentimes people, I think that oftentimes people will be like, oh, you know, imagine people will use anti-Semitism as like an equivalency, right? They'll be like, well, imagine if you, you know, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, you. try to explain that something was racist or that something was transphobic, they'll be like, well, imagine if somebody said that about Jewish people. But then it's just like, somebody just said, Connie just says something about Jewish people. And like, yeah, obviously people are upset. But also it's just like, yeah, anti-semitism is still there, baby. And I've, and also I feel like worth saying that, you know, anti-Semitism and racism are like not symptoms of mental illness. So even though this is a breakdown of his, I feel like a lot of people on Twitter are very careful to be like, let's not apologize away the anti-Semitism. Because of the people are right, right? Completely correct. Yes, he is still choosing to say these.

You know, it is what manufactures, unfortunately, I would assume a lot of the thoughts that are inside of his brain. But that just manifests in different ways in many, in every single person. So it just kind of depends, you know? Bipolar looks different on other people, is all I'm saying. And will it look different when viewing this week's celebrity conspiracy? Hit me with the share. Do you believe it?

Is Pete Wince Joe Biden's son? Oh my God, I did see. I saw some of these on the talks. This one comes in. They got great celebrity conspiracies on the talks. The talks is now where all the celebrity conspiracy stuff lives. So you are now getting the dose. I'm in it, man.

You're in it. This one comes in from Cameron who writes, guys, I have been wanting to write in for the longest time, but never had anything to say. Until today, I just saw a TikTok that made me scream. The conspiracy is Pete Wentz is Joe Biden's son. Question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark. I'm looking at picks as we speak and I'm kind of convinced.

Sending a link to the TikTok. Anyway, love y'all. Cameron. And the TikTok, Cameron links to you is from user Keene Leaves, who proceeds to show pictures of both Joe Biden and Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy repeatedly, implying that the two look very similar. She also shows a picture of Wince and his actual alleged father and the two look admittedly quite different. And also a picture of Wince as a toddler being held by Joe Biden standing next to Pete Wince's mother. Because what's crazy about this conspiracy theory, I'm sorry if I don't know if that is included in this.

But what is what kind of blew my mind about this is that Pete Wence's parents met while working for Joe Biden. Yes, that is in here. Wence has literally said in the past that without Biden, he quote, would not exist as a human being. In the sense that his sperm made me. Also, by the way, for those that don't know, Pete Wence is from four. fallout boy. The band of fallout boy. Yes, the front man. But that is actually, so the reasoning, yes, as Jackie just said, he said, I would not be standing here actually in reality at all, because my parents met working for Biden. They met on the campaign, so they have this particular affection for Joe.

He came to their wedding. If it weren't for Joe Biden, I would not exist as a human being. So, yeah, and that was when he was like running for like Senate, I believe, is when they were, because this was way back in the day. This wasn't like the Obama presidency or campaign. Yeah, I mean, the pictures, though, that's the big thing, right? It's like, obviously, you know, there's a connection because he said it out loud, but then also if you look at the pictures, they both got squinty eyes. Uh-oh, that's his child. Yeah, squint eyes is a genetic trait, only very specifically passed down.

I'm looking at pictures of Pete Wentz. Yeah, how do you feel about it? I mean... Yeah, are you getting home? Are you getting home? Honey, MJ. Were you a fallout girl? Were you into that?

I had a fallout phase, but I don't know, they were a little bit too poppy for me. So that's, that was, I understand. A lot of judgy musical takes coming from MJ today. I don't know if I want to be friends anymore. I now side with Taylor. So, you know, in the, Kanye. Well, she had the best music video of all time.

Wow. That year? With that music video. Yeah. Sure. I just think it's funny to show a picture of somebody being held by their biological father and be like, they don't look anything alike. I know. That's just a ridiculous.

Me. And I'm sure they do. They have certain traits. But like just to be like, yeah, he's got a squint eye. And so does the boy. I don't know. It just doesn't. And you know.

I think I believe. I'm pretty sure I believe. And it's the only thing that makes me not want to believe is that I think if Joe Biden really was his father, he would be. he's just such a, he's such a good dad to Hunter. No matter how failed son Hunter is, he's just like, I love you. I love you. You need to get some help, Hunter. And I feel like if he was Pete Wentz's dad, he'd be like, I'm so proud of you,

fallout boy, I'll be at every show. You know, that's the only thing that I, you know, say whatever you will about mine, but he's a real dad guy. He's a dad guy. He's got dad eyes. And he kisses his wife on the mouth, which you know what I'm happy about. Yeah. And he tosses her salad.

He flips her over. I hope he does. I don't hope he can get down there anymore, but maybe he can. He's like, I haven't eaten a good ass in a couple weeks. He says to her right before. Oh, no, it's time for the list. Allegedly. Oh, who's on the list?

Jackie, got to have that list. Great movies with bizarro sequels you've probably never seen. Weirdly enough, this makes me think about Snake Island. The Birds has a sequel. It's called The Birds 2, Land's End. 30 years after the first movie and in the same cinematic universe, a family moves to Gull Island and is attacked by Gulls. Who could have possibly seen this coming?

The only real addition are that, A, we now know the birds are doing this because they're mad at us over global warming. And B, the birds explode. Nice. It makes you want to watch it. That pitch alone was like, I'll watch Land. Lands End. Birds, too, Lands End. This is very upsetting.

Did you know that Panacea? And I'm not talking about the amazing Tom Hanks version, which can we, did you guys see that? We've seen the trailer for the. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, between that, his accent and that and prosthetics and his accent and Elvis, we haven't talked enough about because it is very in line with like how crazy the Letto accent is at Helsinguchi. Oh, fun. Have you heard his accent in? It is the craziest.

I don't know what it is. I don't know where it's coming from. It is the most insane dialect I've ever heard of a lot. You can't place it anywhere. You're like, where is this person from? It's crazy. Tom Hanks can get away with anything. Yeah.

I think if we found out that Tom Hanks was the one that killed what's her name on the boat and then pushed her over. We're like, well, it's Tom Hanks. He's lived and he's learned, you know? Like, well, we figured Natalie would, by the way, is the name of the... I think he would. Yeah, I believe, too. Connie actually just copy and pasted.

He tweeted that about death on three. And everyone was fine with everyone's like, we love you, we love that you love typewriters. We love that you love the typewriters so much. You love typewriters. Got to be some sort of recessive white supremacy gene going on at Toppakes to produce Chet though, you know?

Yeah, there's something going on. What about Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Knight? Which is about Pinocchio's life as a real boy. He falls in love with a puppet gets his humanity rescinded, drinks absent at a rave, and then makes the Emperor of the Knight, voiced by James Earl Jones,

explode using the power of love. This just makes me uncomfortable because I, of course, my, like, sex character is the Emperor of the Night. Like, when we make love, I become the Emperor of the Night. I come in with cloaks and capes and scarves. And it's kind of like Aerosmith. It's like, what's his name?

you know, the lead singer, it's like that kind of thing. It's like a lot of flowy scarves and things as the Emperor of the Knights. I am really upset about the fact that, you know, the second you said your sex character, like I didn't think for a second that you were getting. Does the Nightfall become you? I think that's good. Maybe the Emperor of the Night is a little less sexually frozen. I see a bit of a woman on the bed here.

How come no one's yelling at Jackie for bringing back sexually frozen? Everyone's yelling at me for bringing back. I think Connie might have been right about Beyonce. By everyone you mean just me. By everyone, you mean just specifically me. Yell at her. Jackie, I'm warm in my pants. No romance.

I think it is MJ. It's because I bring it up almost every 40. Yeah, all the time. All the time. So he's numbed at this point by sexually frozen. Comfortably numb by the sex frozen. in discussion. Speaking of Snake Island,

did you know Anaconda has a sea, right? Every time you say St. Island, just love it. In anacondas,

the hunt for the blood orchid, it's revealed that the size of the titular anacondas is due to a local magic flower, which a drug company claims will be bigger than Viagra. The magic flower thing goes on for three consecutive movies,

one of which features David Haseloff. I did not know that there were three movies after Anaconda, which I have re-watched not that long ago, and it's a lot of fun. I love Anaconda. Anaconda's a great movie. What's his name? Who's the Quippy guy?

Oliver Platt. Oliver Plath. What's his name? Oliver Plath? You know, I'm talking about the chubby guy. Oliver Platt. Don't talk about him like he's not sex while walking. The sexy chubby man. Yeah. Oliver Platt.

Is that it? I love him and Anna. All of this to say, I love him. I hate John. Boy, that's all that was. I was supposed to say, Anaconda is so not in Anaconda. Wait, he's not? He's not?

What's not in? What am I thinking of? Are you thinking of Ice Cube? Because I think that they are two very different people. No, this is the one with John Voight, unfortunately. But I will say he meets the end that you want him to meet. And Jalo's in it. Maybe I'm thinking of Lake Placid.

Anaconda is great. Is this Anaconda the movie? Is it a big old dick reference throughout the movie? Like, is it self-aware? Or is that, did the Anaconda don't want none come more from Sir Mixalot only? Also, Holden you are thinking of Lake Placett, that way. I think of Lake Placid, but I love both of them. Is they both, this is why?

Because it's like when someone calls their kid by the other kid's name, they're both in the same place in my heart. I love both of those movies. I understand. Anaconda also fantastic. Love everything about it. Lake Placid's the Alligator movie. I just watched Anaconda a lot because Eric Stolt was in it. And Eric Stoltz also was in Little Women.

And I wanted to lick us. from lip to tit. Just from just between the lips and the tits though. That's it. What do you think about that, MJ? I'm trying to figure out, wait, you're saying that the plot of the subsequent Anaconda movies had to do with like a flower that was like a dick pill? Dick Bill.

So I'm asking, was Anaconda a self-aware? Did it know it was a dick joke? Definitely not the first movie. Definitely not the first movie. Definitely is in this movie. No, just the big snakes. A sad horny man was able to somehow get. get the job to write the third movie and he just, you know, and I get it because when you're writing,

it's very lonely, right? You become very lonely. And I hate to say this, but you do masturbate a lot when you're writing a script. Do you hate to say that or do you love to say that? Hmm. It's a good question. I feel like I love to say it. I love it a little bit. I would feel like you have to edge yourself if you're writing a screenplay so that you get the screenplay done. What you don't, this is the problem. You don't really get. get it done. For months and weeks and months, you don't get it done. You just are furiously beating off. Every time you type the word anaconda, you have to stop and you think my anaconda don't want none unless you got bun. And then you start thinking about buns. Thinking about bun. And then you

start thinking about a certain pornographic actress. And then you just immediately start masturbating to that actress. Yes. Yeah. I just want to say last but not least, Cinderella 3, a twist in time. Oh, her evil step family finally catches wise to the fairy godmother. They get a hold of the magic wand and they use their newfound Thanos level superpowers to go back in time and change the size of the glass slipper so that it doesn't fit. But then what happens? The prince simply falls in love with Cinderella's personality.

Yuck! I don't want nobody falling in love with a personality. No, thank you. I think that no, it's all about that shoe fitting on the foot. Now, hold it. That's what, you are a foot hater. Are you, do you get a big old softy when you think about Cinderella?

I have been called sexually frozen. A foot hater. I've been called. Yep. And we talked about your goo up top. We talked about how Beyonce definitely had a better music video than T. Swift that year. I mean, what hell?

God released me from the hell that I'm currently in. You're trapped forever, man. Release me from it, God. This is a fair question. Can you imagine following your love with somebody by holding their foot in your hand and putting a glass slip around their bare foot. Well, CMJ, here's the thing.

I'll say glass so I can see it, but you are covering the foot. And I always say, I'm a heels guy, not a foot guy. So I do love a heel. It is sexy to me. I like a horse-hoved, like, woman. You know what I mean?

I like her to be, I like a woman who clonks. I like a clomper. So is that what you're saying about Lexi right now? Yeah, well, she's bad with heels. Yeah, he's about to say,

you just said, yeah. I told her I liked heels in one of our early dates, she got these really high heels, and we walked about a block down the street towards the restaurant, and she fell. And I laughed, and I laughed, and I laughed, and it was one of our early memories.

I was just die. It was so funny, but she did it for me. I am going to stay. I want to go, go to Snake Island. I want to go to Snake Island. It's one place she can't get to me. You're right. Actually, that's true.

If you want to hide from your wife, you go to snake. And there is a lighthouse that's been abandoned because they say that the keeper of the lighthouse, a bunch of snakes slithered in and killed them in the night. So you, but you, I could clear the snakes out of the lighthouse. That's what the movie is about. No, the movie is about the man or woman or whoever, the person who operates the lighthouse before, but there's no other humans left on the island. God.

I would love to write a movie called Snake Island. Well, I'm going to go write a film called Snake Island. If you're jerking off a right in Snake Island, I think we have to have a conversation. What are you talking about? It's incredibly phallic. Yeah, every time you type the word snake, you got to take a break. Yeah, I think about every time you type of snake, you have to take a break.

And what do you do on the break? I am mastermate. I don't know what that character is, but can we please get off of the list? The Emperor of the Night. It's the Emperor of the Night. It is the Emperor of the Night. Go blind, holding. Be blind.

I think the time going. items. Oh, we can't see. And now the Emperor of the Night, he does this magic dance. Emperor of the Night, he's ready for romance. What did I pay for the night? Scree. Edwin, who have six? You guys said Scree IP, like VIP? We're all going to say, hey, everybody, guys haul tickets for a vacation. We're going to

go to Snake Island. Oh, that's where he's the king. Right. Man, so it's spooky month, right? And full disclosure, this is a scary, real thing that happened, and this blind is based on that. But do you ready for a scary one? Yeah.

Do you want to hear something really scary? Yeah. Yeah. No, it's like really scary. Like the movie's smile because it is genuinely very scary. Okay, that's cool. This is about a director, we all know, who at one point was a huge deal

and has since been ousted as kind of a badman on set or at least shitty to work for. But here's an interesting little morbid tale about them. This director has mainly done television, a lot of dramas, including very popular shows, and also wrote and directed a couple of films he produced himself. He can't make it to the big time because no one likes working with him. He is like death.

Chill to your bones, staring in the eyes of death. One of the things he has pitched to multiple people is a story slash script slash movie that involves setting a woman on fire and watching her die. Good Lord. Everyone knows he is obsessed with it. The reason is because when he pitches it,

you can see that he has thought about it in great detail and makes you want to go directly to church and dump holy water over yourself after you hear it. What? There are variations of the pitch, but one of them involves setting a woman on fire and making it look like a suicide, drugging her and then setting her on fire.

So when something like that actually happened in L.A., a couple of months back, every single person who heard that pitch from him immediately thought to themselves. He did it. The police are calling it a suicide, but he did it. He couldn't direct it or get anyone to make it, so he did it himself.

Jesus Christ, this is scary. This is scary. Isn't that crazy scary? I'm not going to say I hope that it's Joss Whedon, but if it's not Joss Whedon, I have no idea. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's Joss Whedon. And yes, a burning body was discovered

northeast of Griffith Observatory, hanging from a tree in L.A. Oh, my God. In August of this year. Just the fact that that happened is very, very scary. And it was deemed to be self-immolation, which is terrifying. Oh, my God. But did he do it?

Yeah, I guess. Right? Yeah. Obviously. That crazy. Could you imagine? That's such a good premise for a movie, too, like. That is a great premise for a movie.

This guy who's, like, obsessed with this one premise, this, like, horrific premise. And he just, like, keeps pitching it, keeps pitching. and then all of a sudden it actually happens. And everyone thinks it's him. That's a great, great concept for a movie. Right. I'm upset because the Lindsay Lohan movie kind of stole an idea that John and I used to joke about for a movie forever. Oh, really?

Yeah, about... Falling off of a snow cliff. No, I know who too, someone... Proposing to someone... Well, our movie was going to be about somebody who breaks up with somebody right before the person gets in a ski accident, and then the person gets in a ski accident and gets amnesia. And then when they come to, they don't remember that they've been broken up with. And the film was going to be called Forget Me Scott.

Nice. But do they set themselves on fire? Well, now we got two movies to write now. We got to write the one about the keeper of the lighthouse on Snake Island, and we got to write this one about the director who has to murder it. And then Holden's going to jerk off and jerk off. I know. We're talking about a lot of masturbation sessions then, if we're talking to movies.

And I would pitch it as a cinematic universe, too. And I do want the Avengers to be in the third one. How would she have tied herself up in the tree? How is it self-immolation if she's also tied a tree? I don't buy that. Yeah, it's kind of like the Elliott Smith, which I was just thinking about Elliot Smith recently because I was looking at this pitchforks list about top 150 albums of the 90s, which is great. And two Elliott Smiths were on there.

And it's the same thing. It's like he did it himself. And it was like he stabbed himself like nine times or something like that. Just seems a little far-fetched, huh? I mean. But was it Joss? I guess it has to be. Allegedly?

Allegedly. Yeah. I think so. I believe. All right. Well, that wasn't. and conspiracies, so you failed. No, come on.

The Taco Bell-loving rapper is one of the best-known posters on a gossip message board. She actually posts blinds on the board under a false name and has been doing so for years. Dojica? Yes, Dojikat. Posting on Lipstick Alley, which I wasn't super familiar with. I feel like I need to turn my page 7 card in. Lipstick Alley's site description is as follows. The internet's largest African-American forum, politics, news, sports, celebrity gossip,

fashion and relationship advice from an African-American perspective. Apparently she... So, wait, so Dojikad has been posting on Lipsa-Gai? As like under a fake name, because, you know, she's got all the ends. I mean, it's not that far-fetched that, like, some of these people are celebrities. I will say, though, Dojerkat openly disparages Taco Bell is my only thing. Oh, in terms of the clue I gave. Yay, yeah, yeah, the fact that she likes it.

Remember there was that video in the musical where it showed her eating a Mexican pizza and laughing? I think she gets paid a lot of money. Right. But she loves it, I think, a little bit. No, she does put out TikToks where she's like, I'm being forced to do this. I know, yeah, yeah. It's the song and does the thing,

which I think is great that they keep paying her to do it. Where it's like if she openly doesn't like it, why you keep. I guess it's because we all talk about it, though. But you know, exactly. I know that this is Doja Cat. To me, that's so much more honest. It makes me like both her and Taco Bell the company more.

Yes. because they're like, we don't give a fuck. Like, we're not trying to sit. Yeah, this, we know it's stupid. And we want to, like, we actually like, you know. And my favorite ad reads are like the ones like on the, Bill Burry used to do the best ad reads on his podcast room because he would just shit all over the. Norm McDonald, too, right?

And Norm McDonald, too, on his YouTube channel. It was some of the hardest I've ever laughed. And I remember those companies now because of how funny they were about shitting on the company. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'll remember Taco Bell because of their pico de Gallo. Yeah, of course. I love their gallo.

Taco Bell. I love their gallo. Humor. Gallo's humor. No, I know. I was going to sue it. I was going to say it, too. I'm not judging you.

I think you're both judging me. No, we like it. That's humor. Last one. Gallo, Schumer. Prepare yourself for the final blind of the week. I'm prepared. I got my pad.

Listener, do you have your pad out? Do you have your little tiny little pin out? It's too tiny. You should get a bigger one. This island's got a slithery way about it. Stop snake on. An offshore website has stopped taking bets on the demise of the relationship of the former boy bander and the director. They got a huge wave of bets on Thursday, both in dollar and volume.

And the only reason why this is a pretty obvious one, considering recent drama, the only reason why included this was there's an offshore website dedicated solely to celebrities breaking up and placing bets on it. I want to know more about that. The website. How do we find that? Well, who it is. It's a real couple type of couple.

It's a real go-to-the-couple's type of couple. Yeah, yeah, Harry-Sty-Sty-a-wile-wile. I just love the offshore, like, it's just a bunch of people sit around and be like, what do you got? What about after? They're all smoking cigars, and they've got a gun in the middle, and they're doing the Mao thing from Deer Hunter, and they're all like, yeah, no, I got, yeah, I got 90 on Stiles. Yeah, 99. I hear Joe Owens sheeting on Tatee. Put a $10,000 on it.

It's cup butts. I would write that movie. All right, there's your third movie. That's the final in the trilogy, and the Avengers show up to take down the offshore betting ring, and they end up doing it immediately because they're the Avengers, and these are just some, like, mafia guys. right? Just some mafia guys. They have to call in Snake Island. They have to get the support of the snake.

And T. Swift's involved. I like that aspect of it. What do you think about that movie, MJ? I'm struggling to keep up with all of the imagery that has been brought in on this last one. There's a lot going on. It's an offshore betting website, which in my head is a giant boat

in the middle of international waters. In my head, that's what it is. with a bunch of people, gangsters, there to keep this website going about celebrity breakups, right? And betting on them. The Avengers, they've been kind of like at odds with each other for a little while. Iron Man told the Hulk he was a fucking, you know, he looks like a fucking, you know. Are you talking about Smart Hulk? Because he's hot as shit.

No, I'm talking about, no, Smart Hulk got stupid again. Yeah, yeah. He started going on TikTok and looking at nothing but celebrity conspiracies. So he's dumb Hulk again. Not kiss. Yes, this could be the third in the trilogy because honestly we all know that the third of the trilogy is usually like the weirdest one.

It is the Anaconda three of this trilogy. And I will just say this right now. I will, for that third script, masturbate more than I ever have in my entire life. Wow, he's doing it for us. Yeah, for you guys. He's doing it for us, MJ. How do you feel?

I feel great. Honestly, this episode has been a real whirlwind. I feel very upset about Kanye West. I feel pretty happy about almost everything else that happened in this episode. I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

Mostly was good. Not I'm not happy about the self-immolation thing, but, you know. Yeah, that's tough. Trigger warning on that as well. A couple little late, late trigger warnings going on front. Sorry, after the facts content is going on. Sorry, everybody. True.

Trigger warning. You know, that's the good way to do it. I'm sorry. Drow. Dound cats. Flaming ladies Flaming and late rampant

Antichitos. Anti-Semitism of infatophobia You would really be navigating through those The mental image of me not writing a scripted instead jerking off all day.

Every time you type the word snake. We've got all the hits in here. I can't wait to not read the Facebook comments on this episode. I can't wait to bring this to the fucking stage with our live show that we are

Oh, my God. Yes, we are coming to Dallas. We're coming to Austin. We're going to Chicago, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, San Francisco, Los Angeles. Did I forget anything? Philly, Washington, D.C., sorry, Northeast. And Brooklyn. But what's up?

Going back to my hometown. I can't wait, dude. We're excited about it. Oh. Maybe I'll come to the show. I would love, if he came to the show, I would bring him up on stage. Okay. We should get him to come to the show.

Actually, no. Your fans? No, no, no. I will not allow it. They will rip him to, you know your fans. I'll show him my wedding ring and my, like, and I'll be like. It's going to turn in a snake island in that motherfucker. That would be so great.

And by the way, if you dress like a giant snake, you will not get in for free, but I'll get you alcohol somehow. Oh, yeah. Costs are definitely encouraged. Cats. I'll give you some edibles or something. God. Snakes. those three.

I won't give you allegedly I'll give you edibles. Release the butthole cut. Release the butthole cut. Coming to a town near you, ladies and gentlemen.

Can you see again? Yes. Oh, that's awesome for us. Yeah, absolutely. Let's close it out. Let's fucking...

My name is Jackie Zabowski. You can follow me on Instagram of Jack. That worm. You can also follow all three of us making content over on page 7 LPN over on the TikToks

that I am now currently obsessed with. And if you want to come hang out with me on Sundays and Tuesdays over at Twitch. TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. I am there. And usually every 10 or 15 minutes or so, I will be like, oh, God, I'm getting married in three weeks.

So just you're going to have to deal with that if you come hang out and chat. But isn't that fun? It is fun. Yeah, you get to get married and put on a live show within like two weeks of each other. That's really fun. It is fun. Big events. Events for Jackie all the way around.

Well, check me out on Twitch.tv.tv. 4 slash Holdenaders Ho. I'm doing Monday through Friday streams now, and it's a blast. Check us out. Also, patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. It is redate. We've added now. These shows, at the time of this recording, the presale will already be passed,

but we're even adding pre-sale availability to our $5.00 and up tiers. So much extra audio stuff content. Ice Planet Barbarians. I know you don't, I mean, come listen to me, read it. reading it. It's a free audiobook. Well, it's not free because it's $5 a month, but it's almost free. And you also have Talking TV, and for $10 a month, you can join us Thursday, sure, watch along on Discord. Patreon.com for page of a podcast. I literally saw someone right there the other day, like biggest bang for my book of any Patreon I've ever been a part of. It is so much

fucking extra content. Ad free episodes. How dare I? That's the biggest new one. Ad free episodes, BRO. episodes, y'all. I don't read the ads anymore. She can be bothered. No, I'm just kidding. She could be bothered. She actually really enjoyed it,

but they wouldn't let her to keep doing it. All right, everybody. M.J. My name is M.J. And I am M.J.K.L. Kat on Instagram. All right. Let's sing the song. Shout.

Shout. Let it out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're going to. Read them to you. Come on. Who's ready for a shoutout? It's me. It's Jackie. It's me.

And you can send in your shoutouts to page 7 podcasts at gmail.com and you know I'd love to read them. Send in all your conspiracy theories or send in your blind items if you want or just send in a hi, hello. I'm always here to read with mine eye. I ain't no Leah Michelle over here. I am here to start off with Chelsea. I just want to give an I'm sorry to Chelsea so much because it was in our Patreon messages. And I just saw it and I just want to say, I love you so much, Chelsea. And I love you so much, Dakota. Dakota, you're the sweetest human being I've ever met.

You're so incredibly kind, talented, and creative, not to mention crazy, handsome. You're the love of my life. We've been together for eight amazing years, and I feel so lucky and grateful to wake up next to you every day. I'm beyond excited to be your wife. Ah, I'm so happy for you both. Dakota's had a rough couple of years. He lost both his stepdad and dad due to COVID complications. It's been very hard for us to remember how to enjoy life the way we used to, but we promised each other we would make new and exciting memories for us to look back on.

I'm so proud of you, Chelsea. I'm so happy for you both. Oh, your love for Dakota shines through. So sorry again for the delay, but I just want to say so much love to you both. And now it's time for a self shout out coming in from Jake. Jake says, I wanted to shout myself out for making it all by my lonesome in NYC for 10 whole years and finally going to see a real therapist who specializes in the particular eating disorder I've lived with since childhood.

My previous attempts were either horribly misguided, see the hypnotherapist that I only went to because I thought he was hot, and who tried to date me for several months after, or canceled my appointments in a last-minute panic. I've got a long road ahead of me, but I'm excited to get on the other side and go out on a dinner date for the first time ever with my partner. Jake, I am so proud of you. I know how difficult it is to make that jump, and I am so insanely proud of you. Thank you so much. you deserve that self-shout 100 million percent.

And alert, alert, cookie, alert. Allison heard your shoutout last week and responded, even after major surgery. Allison says, thank you for getting through my previous stream of conscious email. I'm here for you, babe. The surgery went great,

and I'm healing extremely well. Unfortunately, it is incredibly painful. Turns out this is one of the top five most painful surgeries you can have. And fun fact, when they say Barbie butt, it's literal. My ass is now just straight crack all the way through. It's pretty wild. But huge thanks to the community for the good vibes.

I know it helped. An extra special thank you to Cookie. Your email touched my heart. My friend Megan told me to listen to this week's shoutouts. I listened and cried. I had just left the ER after a mini scare, but it gave me such hope. Thank you, Cookie, and I'm so sorry about your dog. but know your love means so much to me.

I wish you the best, and I am sending my own good vibes to your hubby. A spoonie's got to stick together. And quick shout out to my Bessie Megan, who was even bringing me hot pot with all the equipment and fixings to my house since I can't go and sit at a restaurant. Oh my God. Allison, I'm so happy for you, and I'm so sorry you had to undergo that. But I just love this connection between you and Cookie,

and I'm just so glad that you both heard it. And now Cookie's going to hear it, and it just makes my heart smile. Thank you so much for writing in your thanks, Allison. And now we are onwards and upwards. This goes out to a beautiful Katie Rose. We got another amazing self-shout. Katie says, I'm writing this as a self-shout and a shout-out to all of those people who fucking hate the holidays.

I've just had the worst Canadian Thanksgiving as I continue to work on boundaries with family members. I'm proud of you for working on it. And I wanted to say something for anyone worried. You fucking got this. I started off crying as I wrote this message, but found strength in the helpful community that the shoutouts are. Mental health isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility. My dad committed suicide two days before my birthday when I was five.

My mom was emotionally abused as our stepfather physically abused me and my siblings. He was an alcoholic piece of shit that listening to the last podcast on the left has given me the strength to understand. After their divorce, I got close to another father figure. year who again committed suicide in January 2019 before the lockdowns. This show has helped me to get up and walk and even more that I could express. At times last podcast was too dark. So I turned to you guys and the brighter side. Thank you so much, Katie Rose.

I wish I could have a drink with Amber and Ed. Please send this shout out to them as well. And I definitely will. Since all the BS of 2019, I found an amazing therapist and actually was able to advance my career. I'm teaching now and have had my own intermediate. regional complex needs class, as well as my own kindergarten class. I can't thank this community enough for all the strength you have given me. Oh, and to you too.

My birthday is coming up on November 24th, and this goes out to you, baby. Happy birthday to you. Yes, I'm grabbing my brass. Happy birthday to you. I hope that that's okay that I'm grabbing my breasts. Happy birthday. Katie Rose, happy birthday to you. I just need you to know, Katie.

Thank you for the smile that me doing this alone in my recording studio gave me so much love to you. And happy almost birthday, babe. Congratulations. We've got a love shoutout coming up from Chris. And I love what you say in this shoutout. Chris. Chris says for my partner in life, Boney, I would like to make this shout out. Just a quick intro, I've listened to almost every episode, and while most of this has been on headphones or in the car by myself, I tend to listen to you in the shower or speaker for obvious reasons.

This is, unfortunately, her only experience with your show and the weird echo of a tile-lined shower, and from at least a room away, usually too. From this weird echoey distant experience, her basic review is that all three of you have weird voices. It's true. You do all have very distinct and interesting voices that I love and cherish. And after so many episodes, I would recognize any of your intimidable, inimitable? Oh no. Inimitable?

Vocalizations in the same way I would, Morgan Freeman, Elton John, or Terence McKenna. These are irreproose. You have great vocabulary, Chris. I just want to say I should be stopping this and recording this. I just want everyone to know what a great vernacular you have and an excellent writer. These are irreproducible voices, as are all of yours. My shout out is because I want her to love you, rather than just think of you as weird, echoy voices from the shower. But also, as a result of her corporate relocation, we moved from Nalins to Greensboro, North Carolina.

I've been unemployed for two months as we seek where to actually land and where my career might go as a result. She has been monetarily supporting me for a long period of time now, and I hate not being an equal partner in living costs recently. On top of this, she's been incredibly patient in doing so, helping on a daily basis regarding finding my new career path. If you could give her a shout out, Jackie, I can promise a fresh new listener for life and a partner who will smooch me for days for this on-air mention. Love all of you, love Chris. Oh, Bodie, I hope that you love it. And good on you. You guys got this. And the fact that you guys are working in this together and that you're communicating about this is irreplaceable. I'm so happy for you both. And good luck on your move. You got this and you will find a new job. I will include you in my ritual. You got this. I'm being quite the Giselle over here. I think I talk a lot more about my rituals over on the Twitch. I forget that I don't talk about it on page seven as much. But you should come hang out on hang out over on our Twitch like Lizzie Loob has, which Lizzie Lou shout out is coming up next and I want to send all of my love to you, Lizzie Loob, because I had no

idea that you were going through this. And here is your shout out. Lizzie Loob says, I'm writing this more for myself. I thought maybe putting this down in words and sending it would be good for me. I'm not expecting this to be read on the show, but I still want to share with you guys. And I want to make sure that I'm not sure if you wanted this stuff to be shared. So I am going to just say Lizzie Loob has had a rough couple of years for sure. the past six years, but I want to shout you out so much for what you've been working on. Let's just say they were at a real low. And on a whim, Lizzie Loeb signed up for a class for the summer semester, intro to law in a paralegal studies program at a school near me. It has been

the greatest thing I have ever done and have never been so proud of myself. This week I had a final for legal research class, the hardest class in the program taught at a first year law school level. I ended with a 97%. I had the top scores in almost every assignment and exam, but even more than that, I found something I absolutely love. I get so excited to do it. I've never known what finding a passion was. I've lived a long time, but it finally happened. I want all those people who think they're floating around aimlessly to know that it's okay. I am nowhere near where I thought I'd be at this point. All our lives, we are held to these expectations of how our lives are supposed to play out. And man, if life just doesn't say, fuck that and throw everything off track, but it's okay.

We'll be okay. I'm sobbing now. I'm happy to be where I am and for everything I've done for myself to get here. So cheers to me and cheers to everyone else trying to just figure out what the hell to do with themselves. Hail yourselves and hail you, Liz. Thank you so much for writing. and because, man, we got to hear it every once in a while. Sometimes you just feel like I'm so behind. I'm so behind. Behind what? Behind the bullshit? You're so right. These expectations of what we're supposed to be and how we're supposed to be it. I'm so proud of you, Liz. And last but not least, I just want to give a quick I love you. Out to Andrea, a very hardworking mental health therapist who works in foster homes. Just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing what you do. We need people like, you. I can't send enough love and hugs your way. And to everyone else that's sent in shout outs this week and to everybody, everybody that's listening. I love you all. And I hope that you're having a great day. And man, if you guys are able to, I can't wait to meet you out on the road. Oh my God. Talk about dreams coming, Drew. I know I'm crying. I love you. I gotta get it.

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