Page 7 - Ep. 469: I'M BEING SHADOW BANNED

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout Butterfly Kisses, the High School Musical Multiverse, She-Hulk, Criss Angel's Magic With the Stars, James Corden being a tiny cretin of a man, Holden uncovers a vast conspiracy causing people to not like his Taylor Swift TikToks, Kim K honoring her Gramma MJ and Jackie makes plans to honor her MJ, very concerning children's costumes, how Gloria totally ranks above common garden gnomes, GooseTok HEATIN' U P, Clam-O-Naise, Jason Sudeikis trying his best to be a sad boi speed bump, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Is Zac Efron lying about his JAW?! PLUS DA LIST, BLINDZ, AND SHOUTZZ Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Well, as you all know, my wedding is coming up, and what did I pitch to my mother to dance with my father? About. Yeah, I said about at my wedding, because my brain is right. Wedding? I'm talking about a wedding. Having a bit of a dance about, are we? What is the dance about? Everyone gather around.

It's time for the dance about. Everyone, everyone come closer. Because, me, me, me, me, me. Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer. Sticking little white flower up in her Walk beside the pony daddy It's my first ride Do you think the pony is a man in clad leather

Dress like one of those ponies This dick out Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something To deserve a hug every morning And butterfly kisses At night Daddy, I want you to put your white flowers up in my hair.

Daddy! Daddy, just walked beside the pony, Daddy. I'm all strapped in, Daddy. Dance with me, Daddy. That's what it's going to be. And that is how I pitched it to my mother. I was like, Mom, you know the song. I sang her the chorus.

And she goes, oh, my God, I love that song. It's like, I'm doing it as a joke, Mom. And she's like, why would you do it as a joke? And I said, I'm doing it as a joke because it's like, it's a disgusting. It's like, it's a yucky song. She goes, how do you say that about such a joke? a beautiful song. It's a beautiful

song about the love between a father and his daughter. And I was like, I was making a joke, Mom. We're at the part of planning a wedding

where you have to make jokes. Yeah. The rehearsal dinner space fell through. Okay? We have to find a new rehearsals. Really?

Yes. Oh, you must be in just a murderous rage at all times, honestly. Well, I think that's a funny joke. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Welcome to Pace. seven, you fools. You're trapped in here with me. You're trapped in here with me today, Jackie. Last week I was trapped in there with you. This week you're trapped in here with me. I'm so, yeah, so I'm probably not going to dance to butterfly kisses, even though I think it's a banger and I think it's hilarious.

Are you going to dance with your dad? How are you going to dance with family members when you can't touch? I know that you and your family don't touch. That's where we're going to buggy instead, I think. I don't think we're going to do a touching song. I think we're going to do more of a buggy song, you know, so that we can like kind of shimmy separately. Company B.

Yeah, that's gonna be my daddy. It's gonna be my daddy. It's gonna be that one. My daddy is the boogie-wogie beautiful bugabore. I'm company B. There you go. It's for company bitch. Yeah, my dad is a bitch daddy.

Scared of this episode. Already. Sorry. What the fuck is happening? You're so unhinged. I know, right? Until the weather. You're so unhinged.

That's why we're gonna, we're gonna help Jackie out mentally. We're gonna pre-record. I think we're gonna do another watch along this time of high school musical two, which I'm very excited. about we get to go to summer camp. Go to summer camp. Did you get this of high school musical one than I did not want to watch the next one? Yeah, yeah.

Yes, you certainly did and we are being forced. And don't worry, MJ. We're definitely not going to make you watch the TV show at some point, too. I'm very scared of this. I will say you're not being forced to, but you have chosen over on the Patreon. You can still go over and vote because we will be watching a scary movie together on Wednesday, October 26. and you should come and join us and you can currently Scream is in the lead, which I'm very, very excited

I'm very excited. I'm so happy. It's in the lead. That's probably the one I want to watch the most. I feel like every time I do this, it never ends up in the lead. And so, yeah, the one I want to watch. Scream together. So I'm very excited about that, but then we're going to be watching high school musical two together. I think that this is where when Holden wins. You can feel it when Holden screeches the loudest and then he gets his high school musical, too. It's a high school musical. Woo, woo, woo.

Will there be a musical in this one? Will there be a musical? I don't even think there is. I think there's only an actual musical in the movies in the third one. Also, apparently the new thing they're doing is that the high school musical people from the movie are going to remake

the high school musical movie at the high school where the TV show's been happening. It's the most meta... Talk about metaverse. Zuckerberg has no idea what the metaverse is. High school musical knows what the matter. the metaverses. It is a show within a show, within a movie within a show, and I am here for a lot.

And yet you won't watch She-Hulk. Like, I don't understand. I want to watch She-Hulk. You should totally watch She-Hulk. I want to be antagonistic right now and say, like, I'll never watch it, you snoot in your boot. But I do want to watch it. People are all sorts of snoot about She-Hulk.

People are, man, talk about hot butt issues. Should I even say that I've been enjoying She-Holk? I really enjoyed She-Hulk. I love that Tricks-Metel just texted like, She-Hulk is my shit, bitch, or whatever. And like, people are finally coming out of the work being like, this is what it is. Oh, my God. Finally, they didn't make a thing exactly for the, like, in your head, Marvel movie audience, right? No, it kind of takes a shit on the normal audience, which is why it's fun.

Hey, maybe in this massive, I'm going to say, overwrought ridiculous display of content coming from Marvel, maybe every now and again they're going to make something not for you, bro. And it's so fun to watch people come to Marvel That they don't normally get stuff made for them And it's for them, Jackie, take it away It's for me, definitely, and I know that if you listen to talking TV I'm so sorry because I do talk about it I've been talking about it since the beginning of it And also not just because I want to have sex with both Tatiana Maslani

As well as she helped because Mama Mia The monster fucker in me is just like I take out my puka shells which are very small, but they still go, do-do. And I have them on, and I'm just like, ooh, give me that monster, take me to that island, that Hulk island in the space.

Oh, be high. And that's what Jeff says. And I never behave. I'm always licking the TV screen. But you like a 2MG? I've been one to F. Tatiana Muslani since Orphan Black. And it's been a long time.

I had to stop watching it because it was on some baffling platform that I couldn't access, something to do with BBC America. And I just like lost the thread with Orphan Black, but I was obsessed with that show. And I've been enjoying Shehulk. My understanding, in addition to the Marvel boys who are like, this is

not like my comic books, even though it is very loyal to the comic books. And she also breaks the fourth wall a lot in the comic books. I've learned, not like I know, but my husband is... I know I've also been learning a lot too. We did a whole episode. I know you guys who never listen to my other podcasts and I do a whole episode

on it called She-Hill and Wizard of the Bruiser. We're gonna explain to Gene'sry of it. I had to change the name of the show to Orph and White because I kept coming all over the screen, ladies and gentlemen, what are we doing here?

What is happening right now? It sounds like a very bad dick, I think. Yeah, you thought it was porridge. But I think people, I think some people think that that She-Hulk is like too, I don't know,

do feminist or whatever, but in like a heavy-handed way. Like, oh, Megan is a stallion's there. Okay, so you don't like it. Relax. You know? It's fun. Yeah. And also, man, those last like three episodes just like, bam, bam, bam. It's, I feel like it only gets better. You know what I'm like about it from what I hear is it's just like not the same thing over and over again. It's fine. Like we've been getting from the super. I'm so super rare for tea.

That's why I like that Night of the Wolf. We'll talk about talking TV. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast talking TV. Oh, I watched Night of the Wolf. It was good. I enjoyed it. And I was like, oh, this is so refreshing. This is a Marvel thing. Wow. I mean, it still had some like Marvel fights in it. It was marvelized a little bit. But for the most part, I was like, wow, can we tell more unique, interesting stories like these instead of just like, Thorlor has the Glorbox. And we must be together to get the Globock back from Flores. You know what I mean?

That's why we have to have shows from different perspectives, like shows where we watch celebrities try to attempt to be Chris Angel. I am way too excited about the fact that there is this new show coming out that is called Magic with the Stars is on CW where they make people like genuine or genuine do actual stunts like Chris Angel does, which man, if you forget who Chris Angel is, I don't know how you could. You've always been like a magic much. You're like an angelite. What do they call you a wingy?

I'm a mind freak. You're a mind freak. You've been a mind freak through and through, right, Jackie? I'm a mind freak through and through. I really, I don't know. Also, learn the word impropriety from last week's episode because sometimes I say aloud the things that I'm doing. And I think I was searching someone I went bad man, question mark. Apparently the word is impropriety.

I learned a new word, so thank you very much. So I don't know if Chris Angel is a impropriate. And I should probably look that up because, you know, I'm not going to say that he's got the hair for it. But sometimes, you know, you never know with a mind freak. And I shouldn't be popping improprietines on him either. So I am very excited about this show. And I Google, I Google, Chris Angel, I Google Chris Angel impropriety. And the first thing it popped up was Chris Angel, Chris impales a woman with a spike.

That's, are you lying? Is it magic? Yeah, I think it's just a magic. Magic! What if he's a magical bad man? He only uses his madness with magic. No, it seems like he doesn't have any... I feel like a lot of times, though, the guys that are incredibly dushy on their sleeve, on their dat arm, are actually decent people.

Mind-fink! Yeah, like a guy who looks this dushy could only actually be a very good man, you know? Yeah, like Guy Fierry, you know what I mean? He gives off... absolute douche and he's totally like the sweetest sweetheart and that's why we love him we love you guy we love you got to Eddie now Jenny Wine apparently passed out while he was trying to do an underwater stunt he was submerged underwater in a glass cube trying to hold his breath and he had to slam on the side because he had passed out like he was held under the water I'm panicking just hearing about this

yeah like it makes me think of like I know that we you know the host the bad host But fear factor and the idea of like I could never watch those shows. I can't watch a show. Maybe this is because right now I'm in mole brain right now. And unfortunately, Holden on talking TV, you're going to have to hear so much about me talking about the mole. I get to talk about Love Island a bunch this week. Fine. No, you don't.

Because what are you going to say? Oh, because this bird was slagging the one bird. And then there was another bird. He's crofting. Is it crofting the bird? I can't. Get a bit of a snogging. I do know how many episodes of Love Island there are?

Just season three. Just season three. Every time I've seen Holden for the last at least four weeks, he has brought up Love Island within 10 minutes of seeing each other. There are, because you live with these people, you get to know them. There are 50 episodes in just season three. It is like Riverdale. Yeah, you get lost in it.

I mean, it's even more than that because you just live with these people. But it's the Big Brother thing. I didn't realize like this is a show that's just happening every week and everyone's just watching it and voting on it. If I was keeping up for you. You get to vote on who has to like leave the island and stuff. Like yeah, you would get, I think it would be different. I think it was current for you.

I just can't believe you have it on just in the background at all times. There's like giant scler beasts on the screen. I'm just murdering them while like they're just like, I had to be of a snog with Cammy last night. It was a bit of a good one, eh? Oh, is that James Corden right now? All right, please can we talk about it, people? Unbelievable.

Finally, the asshole comes to roost for James Corden. He was kicked out, I guess. The asses has come a hole to roost. Just wanted to try that. I'm a little frustrated, though, because I had to re-look this up to send it over to Jackie before we started. And it already says, update. He is all is forgiven.

Apparently, Corden called up, profusely apologized for being banned from Balthazar, a very fancy Soho restaurant. And he had many things to say. He wrote, it's a really great Instagram post. Just so if everyone remembers James Corden is an asshole. I'm sorry, quote,

tiny cretan of a man, depending on who is describing him. And we're not just talking about because of his role in cats. It's more than that. And it's not even just this one guy. One of the good things about Twitter is that when this story broke yesterday before James Gordon had a chance to be like,

Oh, I'm a bit cheek, y'all, all's forgiven. Like every, there was a lot of other posts being re-upped. Some of what we've talked on the show in Bligh, Edm was about how, what an asshole he is. Holden's been on it. But there is like a story about him not helping his wife and baby get seated on the play next day. Let me read. Let me read this.

This is such a funny way. We've talked to, we have a friend who was a writer for James Gordon, who also supports a, lot of what has been said about. Half an hour into a New York to London flight, passengers in business class noticed a woman with a crying baby being brought through the curtains by a flight attendant. They looked on in mild horror as they saw the attendant direct her into an empty seat next to James Corden. Expecting a huge celebrity hissy fit to kick off, Corden's cabin mates were impressed to see that he didn't say a word or make any sort of complaint. He

simply put on a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, pulled an eye mask over his eyes and turned away from her to sleep. Pretty decent of him, right? When the plane landed, though, passengers were surprised, the cordon remained seated as the woman with the baby struggled to open the overhead locker. And even more surprised when she turned to Gordon and said, for fuck's sake, can you at least hold the baby while I get the bags down? The woman was his wife. The baby was his baby. Oh my God. Incredible. Heroic. So funny. And then this most recent series of incidents were laid out by Balthazar owner or is it manager Keith McNally. I think he's the owner. But yes, just terrifying. I mean, I could read it out,

but it's just go look it up. It's just being a complete dickhead to the staff and any little mistake made, just being, just reaming out. Maybe I should go into the kitchen and cook the omelet myself. Also, who asks for it all egg yolk omelet? I've never heard of such a thing.

And who notices, I guess there was a little bit of white there because who even is like, there's a little bit of egg white, ew, egg white and me omelet. What? I've read that three times. to be like, this must be a typo. They must have asked for an white omelet and there was yellow in the yolk.

Because you wouldn't notice if there was white in the fucking egg yolk omelet, would you? Because it would just still look yellow. I guess, no. No, not at this side. I bet it was the tiniest fleck of white. But they're about this art. And they're insanely rich and famous. So they get whatever they want.

This reminds me of actually when we were talking about like famous people cheating in public at a bar. Like, how are you going to be? Do you not realize there's. Cambers everywhere, bro? Like, how are you going to be that much of an asshole? I get it how effortless it must become to be just an asshole rich person because you expect everybody does everything for you. But how are you going to scream at waitstaff in a public place and not expect to get publicly shamed? I'm afraid to walk down the street without getting publicly shamed. And nobody cares about me. I don't under, I know. And also just the idea of like I could never even imagine. And maybe it's just because I'll, I will never have that kind of money of just things. that people are that below you to scream at someone that is working at their job. Like I just like, that, the thought would never even cross my mind to talk to someone like that. And so that just immediately, it says everything about your character. I tell you what, man, how many like first dates I would go on that if someone was not good towards any kind of weight staff or any kind of customer service, I was like, no, next.

I next bust that person Because I'm so unsexy I just wanted to throw it out that Jackie is secretly evil in person And you guys just don't know it So Yes my tentacles come out of my pussy And I go yes please

Every time I hold it off his Opens his coffee I go yes please my tentacles take the coffee That's the great part about being your friend in real life Pussy tentacles The pussy tentacles The Pussy Tenticle thing is the cool thing That I tell people first

The Secret Evil part is different I am what they based Octopus off of and I still get dividends. I remember, yeah, which I went to the cafe with her earlier. She was like, this is a biscuit, not a banana.

Yes, and my tentacles came out. To hell with all of you. She was ringing their neck with their pussy tentacles. I was like, Jackie, please. We're part of the podcast now working at us. You know what? She always leaves a big tip. That is true.

Every single tentacle tips. Are we just talking about hinty pornography at this? I think it's just hentai. Yay, I'm into it. I remember Evil Dead, remember that? That made me... The tree.

That did weird things in my brain. That should have just upset you. Interesting. Should have only upset you. Oh my God. Should I be in therapy? Don't... Where we I am.

Yay! So I just wanted to bring up an important point before we even move on, and that is, I'm incredibly disappointed in our community. No, not barely anyone liking my T-Swift TikToks. This is a huge deal. Midnight's week people. This is not cool. Page 7, what is it?

Page underscore, who gives the fuck what it is? You don't even know it's page 7 LPN. You're talking about it. It's like, hold on. Okay, can we just say only things that is Taylor Swift TikToks are being shadow banned. I'm being, I'm definitely being shadow banned. It's just not true.

We have, I have texts from Holden in all caps saying, I'm being shadow band. Not you guys's posts. Just my post. Every your elf post might have been shadow banned too. I don't know why. Yeah, because of what you keep doing does. Maybe because I book. into it with Tiso post, but I feel like

TikTok's anti-Tay, anti-May, because it's gonna be May. Whoa, okay, it's October. Okay. Joke doesn't land the same. May the fourth be with you? Freddy's birthday. Holden. Are you saying that our TikTok listeners

have forgotten your assistant? Whoa! 100%! Nice, by the way, the opener from lover. I love that for you and us. So I just wanted to throw it out there. Page 7 LPN, give it some love, because definitely Elon Musk or whoever it is, is shadow banning me right now.

And I'm very against that or whatever. I just think that you need to recreate. Or the Chinese government? Who runs TikTok? I think it's the government. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's the government. I think you should recreate all of the covers of the Tiswe album. Okay.

That will lift the curse of shadow ban on you because nobody, it's just, I'm already upset. And you guys are going to hear this on Thursday. And we're going to have to deal with this on Jack and with the Holdies on Friday, which I'm so happy we're going to be in separate places. is on Friday for Jack and the Holdies because it's going to happen. Because the Tay-Tay album comes out on Friday and I just like can't. I name-nay-n-n-n-n-n-k. Why? It's the best thing you ever happened to me. N-Nay-Nay. Yeah, because they don't like me to be happy listeners and you heard it here first because they're witch people sometimes.

I emailed the government and I said shadow ban, Holden. I'm the one. Exactly. My tentacles were behind it, I tell you. Your tinkles with a quick typing. You're so good at texting with those things. It makes you nuts. Yeah, they all have blackberries? I don't know how they're still lurking. Wow. Yeah, that's how tiny the tips are. Each one of your tentacle arms has its own blackberry. Wow.

It's little little keys on it. So first of all, Elon or whoever stopped shadow banning me on TikTok with my T-Swit, T-Swift content. That's my biggest grievance with Elon Musk right now, too. Midnights, October 21st, but it comes out 9 p.m. for us because we're on the West Coast. So I might tell a little listening party. I don't know yet. Oh, thank God. It comes out that night.

A little sensual run. So I don't have to deal with it during Jacking with the Holdies. What do you mean? deal with what? Deal with how fun. What do you mean to you? Yeah, we're going to be listening to our songs.

And a music video is going to premiere the next day. A music video is going to premiere the next day. But I don't have to deal with you on Saturdays. It's great. What do you mean Saturdays? Saturdays are my holding free day. Yeah, yeah.

Saturdays are my one holding free fucking day. Yeah, maybe. You can imagine listeners. Imagine having only one day in the week where you don't interact with one. We also have that. Maybe two days because I only don't stream or put stuff out on Saturday's So unbelievable. Yeah, well, Kim Kardashian had sex with Pete Davidson by a fireplace to honor grandmother

MJ. How do you feel about it, MJ? I feel terrific. Who knew that Kim Kardashian had a grandmother named MJ? Presumably people knew because we know everything about it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. MJ is a part of their part of their world.

Don't listen. Don't listen, MJ. I know you hate that song. Pete and I were staying at the Beverly Hills. hotel last weekend and we were sitting in front of the fireplace just talking for hours. And I was like, my grandma told me you really live life when you have sex in front of a fireplace. And I was like, what is this? A fork?

Part of your world. What do you call it? And so we had sex in front of the fireplace in honor of MJ. What do you call it is dick? Also, I actually now I'm going to start thinking about you, MJ, because I did end up getting that tattoo of the fork of my Twilight fork. And I have had at least three people go, oh my God, it's a dinklehopper. Oh, yeah, that's what they say. Oh, that makes me matter.

And I know how I think about you because I know that you hate that. And I was like, yeah, it's a dinklehopper. Oh, my God. MJ would hate it if I said that in front of them. But also, MJ, would you feel honored if I had sex in front of a firepower? place to honor you. Yeah. You know, I think anytime people are having like nice, fun sex and they're like, I did it for you. I guess we take that as a compliment. All right, I'll have sex for you. Holden, I'm not having sex for you though. Yeah, you can fuck some old bag for me. What was the one who,

wait, what did I watch recently? I was grossed out because the guy was only fucking the girl because was, oh, it was Jersey Shore. He did it. Remember Polly? Fucked the girl for Vinnie. Because she was Vinnie's tied. Vinnie. Yes. Yeah, that exact thing happened recently for us. He got it in. Well, he got it in. It wasn't her type. She was older because Vinny likes the older girls.

And he was just like, I'm fucking her for Vinny. Because Vinny left the house for a week and he needed a mental health break. Megan, the stallion shoutouts. Come watch Jersey Shore with us on Thursdays. I'm telling you, we have a blast over on the Discord. I think that's nice. If my best friend had sex with somebody to be like, I had sex with them because I thought you would have wanted to have sex with them. I would be very honored.

And, yeah, as a grandmother. When I have a grandmother, I want to be the type of old person where people invoke my name to discuss where they should bang. Her bangings. So if I'm going to honor you with my fuckery, where should I have sex, MJ? Oh, man, that is. What honors you? You know, I got to just say, like, anytime you're in a nice hotel room. A board game store.

A nice hotel room. Not like a tanning bed or like an ice cream store or anything. just like any any hotel room i take away nice any hotel room wow so any hotel okay so if i'm in a hotel room hopefully preferably not one that i will be sharing with you while we're on tour coming to your town soon um go over to page 7 dot show if you want to go get tickets to the release the butthole cut tour um but mj and i are going to be sharing bedrooms and um i'm gonna try room what about like like a march or something in jay yeah that would be fun quickie in a door frame or something yeah while fighting for somebody's freedom or whatever oh yeah i like that too or whatever you guys do on your little

marches i don't really know what you do on your little marches but uh you know i'm just assuming the fire in mj's eyes just for a moment i saw the littlest flame i'm still over here trying to learn about mj Shannon aka you know Kardashian she's grandma i'm um um I'm really behind on knowing apparently all the MJs because, you know, one of them has been quite canceled. But not so much that we don't still. The grandmother? Oh, yeah, no, this grandma, she's been canceled. I'm kidding.

Did she also have a weird chair where you shat on a woman from above, or was that just Army Hammer Estate? Oh, yeah, just the hammer estate, I guess. I just assume they all have one of those, the old rich people of power people. It's when you get to be like MJ's age, though, when you look a picture of a beautiful woman, and it's just crazy what, like, having money can do for your skin. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm just looking at MJ Shannon, aka, I'm just going to call her MJ Kardashian,

and it's, like, absolutely goals for being just like a tiny old woman who must just eat impeccable meals all whenever she does choose to eat. Right. Eats clean, lotions. I'm already upset with, uh, Lexi's already indoctrinating Winnie into this lotion business, right? I walked in during the, like, put-down part, and she's just slathering Winnie all over with a lotion of some kind.

And Wendy's just laying back like she's at the spa. And I was like, this can't happen. This must end. I got to have a serum. I don't have a serum I put on before my lotion, but everyone's talking about how you got to have a serum. And Winnie had like a snooty look on her face. You know what I mean?

I did not like, like to him was the help or whatever. I did not like it. I mean, you could definitely start slathering. Winnie and clamonais if you want. Great transition. If you get some, I mean, claminase in there, get her all clamped up, and then, you know, cover her and bloody merry mix. And then she's like a little baby pop. Baby bottle pop.

Remember that? Oh, yeah. I remember baby bottle pops? Remember when you would suck on the lollipop, nipple, turn it upside down, dip it in the fucking sugar? Yeah. Pop it back out and go. Yes. Yes.

Baby bottle pop. I did that a couple hours ago. I thought you did. That's why I do to wake up. Can I just say real quick, sorry, sidebar. What? All right. I feel like I'm going to be accused of something.

This is fascinating. No, you're not about to be accused of something. I know I was thinking of you because you're right. Maybe my elf, um, my, with the things I was saying about elf on the shelf for TikTok, maybe got shadow banned. And maybe it was right afterwards. I had just taken a picture of they are selling Bob Ross themed dip, dip, dippers, like the lick and stick

dippers, and it's like paint cans. Like you're licking the stick and dipping it in paint and then licking the paint of the stick. And I was just like, what year is this? Yeah, yeah.

Who is this big, league, chew? What are you talking about? You're encouraging children to eat paint is what you're doing. And that's, how is that allowed? Yeah, why can't that be shadow banned? Shadow banned that? No, Jackie, they still have those,

little candies that are shaped like a toilet. You know, I don't think that, like, in the paint is even the worst of our worries. What do you mean? What are they just, you can just eat toilets? Oh, my God, you guys aren't, don't know what I'm talking about it. It's like the baby bottle poppers where it's a candy that's also just like covered in plastic. Oh, my God.

Yes. You're right. The sour flush. Sour flush. I saw one the other day. It was a candy. It was not as big as like a full-sized one. It was a candy cleaning supply cabinet.

and you open up the cabin. You can eat the doors off and inside they got the bleach and they got everything. And it's unbelievable. It was just like, what are we doing here? Oh my God, sour flush. You lick the lollipop and you stick the lollipop down the toilet where the sugar is and then you lick it again. Yeah. So give the kids the Bob Ross paint eating practice if you're asking me.

Although I want to say that I don't think Bob Ross would want that. That's so great. I don't think so nasty, dude. That's so nasty. I was like, did they just wait until he passed and then just like, man, they're just abusing his estate? Also, I pull up candy toilet and then this toilet kid's costume pops up.

It's a boy wearing a toilet costume and he's pointing at where his generals would be is that's where the opening of the toilet is. Now, what are we doing there with that one? What is happening? That didn't come up in my Google search. Toilet kids costume. Kids toilet costume, pop it up. Kids.

Toilet costume. I just typed in candy toilet. Oh my God, it is pointing. Right? Why would you dress your child as a toilet? Why would anyone in a million years?

He's not pointing at the bowl of the toilet to be like, toilet. No, that's what I'm saying, but that's where the bowl is. But then it's like, what are we talking? What do you want to shit there? Are we pissing there? I feel like he's asking someone to piss in his toilet. He's asking someone to piss in his toilet.

That's what? This is where fetishes begin, ladies and gentlemen. I'm not saying it in a creepy way. I just feel like I don't want to encourage other children to piss on my child. Yes. You know what I mean? Like that's where my brain immediately goes like him at a costume party with other kids and they're like, oh, eh, and then he's covered in piss for the rest of the night. How about it, dog?

You know how about a mummy? No, not to piss for real. They're going to go, they're going to see the potty. They're going to laugh hysterically. they're going to pretend to pee on him. Everyone's going to have a great time. Honestly, I think this is, I mean, I'm not saying I support it, but I'm saying I understand it.

I think that everyone would have a great time. No, no one's pissing on anything. Everyone involved should be arrested and placed into a jail cell. Anything to do with that. I feel like, I thought that it was rough enough that like, you never saw those Calvin pissing on things decals. Oh, yeah. The worst.

I never thought if I could also piss on a Honda. Like you never thought that? Oh, yeah, right? Like, oh, I should piss on that thing that the kid's pissing on. No, I never thought that. Yeah, because I don't like that thing, so I'm a piss on it.

No, I'm not a miscreant. Or how about the little lawn statues that piss? Oh, yeah. Nomes pissing. Oh, like fountains? Yeah. I've never seen the pissing gnomes. I think that was just a love person.

Oh, my God. No, no. Google it all the, Google Pissing Angel statues. Yeah, all the cherubs. Well, yeah, I know the cherubs. I thought you're talking about gnomes. I was like, I've never seen a pissing gnome. lawn ornament.

Oh, man, I should have gotten a pissing cherub beer fountain because you can get one of those. Should get that for the wedding. Nothing coming up for pissing. I was with you for the gnomes peeing because sometimes I've got some fun, I'm going to say it right now. I got a couple fun gnomes that Henry got me for Christmas and they are naughty. That's funny. Yeah, I just saw one that's like a gnome that's like drunk and passed out on your lawn kind of gnome. And I do, I did naughty.

Noddy Garden Gnome on Etsy. This gnome is definitely pissing on a tree. So MJ, you are correct. There are some naughty gnomes out there. And I tell you what, man, Gloria just, she just sits up on her porch and she's like, look at these gnomes. I think the gnomes are lesser than Gloria

and she feels that way. Like I didn't put that on her. But, you know, it's like she's got like, she's got a classy thing going with Mr. Fox who wears the Harley Davidson hat and a little Harley Davidson vest. I didn't put that on Mr. Fox. He came to me.

He was gifted to me that way. And that's Gloria's, like, friend. Is this how it feels like when I talk about T-Swift? Yeah, well, Gloria right now, if you check out our TikTok, like, she's all witched up. Did you end up getting anything for Gemsie? Oh, Jackie, have you not looked at your TikTok this morning? No, I have not. I tried to do a stitch, but I couldn't figure out how to do it.

So there's a bit of a response. to your response to me. We got quite the goose talk going on over. We got a bit of a goose flame work. Is it Franken Goose's monster? I appreciate using the T-Swift. It is Franklin Goose's Monster.

Yes. No, I went more for Classy rather than, but I know what, I love it though. I love Gemsy. I'm going to. Wow, what a backhanded compliment. I went more for classy, but I love what you did too. I love what you did too.

The bitchiest thing, you could see. say from one goose parent to another goose parent. Yeah, right? This is how you throw shade. That's so, bitchy. Pay 7 LPN on TikTok. No, I just, I like my kids to, you know, be in control, but I also support the way you parents. Yeah.

Paid 7LPN on TikTok. Release me, Elon, release me Bezos from the shadow ban. No one is liking my T-Swift TikTok's enough or viewing them enough. Tentacles say differently. So you've got. What are explaining to you. They're blackberries. They told you, Holden.

You guys didn't care enough about the claminets. Oh, yeah, let's talk about it. Claminase. You know, it's another gag food product. I feel like this has become, is this, you guys have been doing the show a lot longer than me. Is this always existed, or are we not getting much more of an abundance of companies

putting out gross gag food products for us to talk about on the show? I think Jackie has personally driven the trend. I think that I'm doing this. Right. Single, hand, elite. No, I think that because of the way that media has changed and, like, social media and the way that gags can go over, like, because remember, like, back in the day when people would, like, slightly hear about, like, I don't know, like, the first thing that comes to my brain are, like,

the buckets from McDonald's. And I think the reason why, like, the spooky Halloween buckets from back in the day. Oh, my God. I love them so much. They brought them back. I love it so much. but I might end up going to McDonald's so I can go get one. But again, they brought those back,

and I think it's the kind of thing of just like anything to get people talking about it because they can get the word out so much faster now. And so it is such a niche thing than like, oh my God, I'm like the only reason why I know that McDonald's brought back the buckets because I just happened to see an article about it while I'm reading all of these other articles. So Claminase was actually created as a joke from the makers of cards against humanity, which doesn't need, you know, obviously any kind of a viral campaign.

But when was the last time? Like, I don't know if you noticed on TikTok, but they've got a Cards Against Humanity filter that's going around right now, just like which card is for you? And then the Claminase. And I feel like, oh, people haven't been talking as much about cards against humanity. Maybe they got shadow banned by the government. I will just, I don't know about you how you all feel about Cards and Humanity.

But to me. But are you feeling 22? For me, thank you, Taylor. for me. Thank you Taylor. Thank you. I both gave you your ups for your day-day-week. Can I also just really quick thank God for Taylor? And now you may continue saying what you were going to say. Thank you for Taylor. I love you. Thank you for Taylor. Anyways, um... We're in the house of Satan right now, okay? We're in the house that Satan built and you can't

bring... You know what? Thanks Satan for Taylor's right. Sure, whatever. We can thank everybody for it. I don't give a fuck who we think so long as she exists, bro. And this is the thing I want to say, I don't know how y'all feel about cards against humanity, but to me, it grates a little bit. That's the only thing it makes me go, I love the idea of claminase being disgusting, making me want to throw up. I love that it exists.

But at the same time, and I wonder that it doesn't even taste that bad because, like, I like clams and I like mayonnaise. I feel like on like a BLT, it's probably really good. It's probably fine. Now, but that, I don't know how y'all feel. Cards Against Humanity, I know Ed has always had the stance of, like,

hating on it because it's like, it feeds you the jokes for you, and we can write our own jokes kind of thing. That's why, like, Quiplash, we play that on the money pit on my stream. You fill in the joke. It's about your originality, right? I think my problem with Cards Against Humanity

is it's fun for like an hour or so, but every time I've been forced to play it, we don't just play for an hour. Oh, no. We play for hours and hours and hours. Yeah, that's too much. And hours, they never ends. And for some reason, they don't want to stop.

And they just want to keep going. And I say, oh, what can we just put some music on and just drink some alcoholic beverages and chat. Can we not just do that? Do we have to keep placing cards in front of us the same stupid, funny things? That's how I feel about all games. I'd rather just talk.

Me too. Yeah. I like playing games, but there's a time limit, right? I just think that there needs to be a moment where we go, hey, we're done with this now. And for some reason, every time I've been at a social gathering and cards against humanity comes out, it is like we have to play to an absurd amount of cards.

It just like monopoly. It just like become a six hour epic. It just won't fucking end. And it's like, why? This is up to us. We can just walk away. Because they love it. They love it.

I just can't do anything for that amount of time for the most part. Except for drink and talk. That or like hyper focus on work, but that's more of just a brain issue more than anything. But I do, I think that playing any kind of game for that long, no matter what the game is, for me, is not agreeable to the way. way I work. But also, it's humanity almost more than anything else

because it's so repetitive and it's just like, it's, in a way it's like nothing. You just put, you have, you have all the jokes in front of you and you just pick,

it's just just whatever. You know what I mean? I would bet that I've had a lot. At first I was like, uh, get it. But then I like played it with friends who like weren't comedians

were just like fun, really fun people. And I had a blast and I was like, okay, I get it. Yeah. Because it is fun. Yeah,

it is really fun. And, you know, Right. I feel like... I think I like apples to apples better because it's not like... You have to actually... There's just a lot more...

Try to be dirty. Play. Or try to be clever. Yes. And, you know, cars can say maybe just like, fart on a corpse or whatever. You're just like, all right. Well, yeah, I guess that's insane on a card. I mean, you know, what's also insane is Mariah Carey posting.

Not yet. Yeah, she did that again. In front of... She posted a sexy of a... A robe on the floor next to an empty tub with towels that spell out MC on it. And she's trying to threaten us with the idea of Christmas. And again, of all of the things that I love about Mariah Carey, I love that she turns her love for Christmas into a threat rather than something to get excited about. She is now the gatekeeper of Christmas.

I love it. Slash, weirdly sexual with the bubble bath, even though there's little kids' voices. It's with her kids. It's so conflicting. It's like, what is this? Is this trying to make me horny? It says it's almost time.

And then it said, it's not. And then it said, but dot, dot, dot. There's another video of her from the back in the bathtub. And then another post that said, not yet. And she turns around and her kids are like laughing like, Mommy, Mom. And she blows the bubbles, but she's supposed to be in the bath. And her kids are there.

Her kids are too old to be there when she's in the bath. Right. And she's just so. I know that she has clothes on, but still, like, it just, like, weirds me out. It makes me scared of Christmas. I like. I got a half, rock, and a half heart. I don't know what's going on.

I don't know how to feel about it. Not yet. Okay. You're right. Not yet. I want to watch these fucking scary movies right now. right now. I don't want to be in Christmas right now. And then you steamroll Thanksgiving,

which, I mean, again, we just need to take it away. We just can make it, make it better. I don't know. Yeah, she is kind of... Well, do you think, I know we have to go to the Celebrities Conspiracy Theory, but I have to use the segue that I just came up with, which was,

do you think that there was fucking claminase in Olivia Wilde special salad dressing? She was going to bring to Harry Styles. The Jason Siddakis lay in front of the car to prevent her for bring it. I love that. I love it. I love it. I love that the maid was just like, he just wouldn't stop crying. He cried and he cried.

It's such a sad story. It's so sad because the nanny of Jason Sedakis and Olivia Wilde, who used to be their nanny, came out and started talking about how Jason Siddakis really was during the beginnings of the divorce and him finding out about Harry Stiles while accidentally looking at her Apple Watch because she had left her Apple Watch. and he saw the like flirty messages from Harry Stiles and then it's just some of the ugly details of how he sobbed and sobbed. I'm sorry to laugh.

I'm laughing me is when something's so over the top, sad or like. But also I'm laughing because like I've been there before. I've been so broken that like I remember laying on the floor just being like, why? Why? It's like having anyone see that. Were you broken like a promise? I love you, Taylor.

Love you so much, midnight. I guess I was broken like a promise. I hate that. Not only have you been the Jason Sedakas, but you've also been the nanny. And I feel like, and I've been a nanny, and I feel like anyone who's been a nanny reads this and just feels a particular solidarity

for the nanny because it is a very strange position to be in, to be working inside a family. And hearing a family, like hearing the parents fight while you're with the kid. Yes. And they come out and you just have to be like, Hey, so, well, I got her down and everything's great. Can I go home?

Can I leave? No. Our nanny has been around for couples therapy sessions that were pretty fucking heated. There was one day where I was just losing it. Like, I hadn't gotten to sleep when he'd been sick all week. She came in and I was like in tears. And I was just like, she ate, she ate just a little while ago and she won't take a nap.

And like, Patty's like, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's like, ran and took over and I just went into, like, loudly sobbed in the bedroom. And then when Lexi came home, Ardeni was just like, he's having a rough day. And then just the detail, yes, of him lit, like Jason Sadekis laying down behind her car, trying to get her to not leave. And, like, just so horrible to hear.

But she made her special. I love that that detail is in there. She made her special salad and salad dressing. Yeah. to take to Harry, which is the ultimate death now. And Sudagas knew that. He was like, not the special salad. Not the special salad.

Anything for the special salad? It just breaks my heart. It's so sad. Because apparently the nanny said like he was blindsided. But also the nanny was like, he was not like good, you know, like to her as an employer. No, he was drunk a lot. But again, I mean, he was drunk a lot. I mean, I wasn't sober.

But I've also never gone through this with children. So I'm sure it is a you have to keep your shit together. Like you've got like or at least try to keep your shit together. That's so challenging though, man. I just, I'm terrifying. Children, the public. And like staff in your house, you know, like. Yeah.

But that's why it really goes to show that like he really did give her like deliver the divorce papers while she was on stage on purpose. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He did it all on purpose. It was a rough one. fucking mad. And he banned them from listening to Harry's, any workers from listening to Harry Stiles in the house. He banned them from listening to Harry Styles. That's a hilarious thing. And then also, also on top of that. Oh, I feel so bad.

Rich, rich person way to find out too. It was like an abandoned Apple Watch. Totally. Is how we found out. Totally. What a richy, rich way, like, a way to find out that your wife's cheating on you. All right, everybody. Is it time for the celebrity conspiracy fucking courses, you fucking dragons? No, I love dragons. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Is Zach Ephron lying about his jaw?

Oh my gosh. But he hit his face on the marbled fountain. Of course, in reference to the story, you just mentioned a while back. Jack Ephron told about how he ripped his jaw off his face after he slipped on a sock jogging in his house, which landed him face first into a fountain. This one comes in from Joe, who writes, the official story regarding Zach Ephron's face. facial transformation is a freak in a home marble fountain accident. However, the conspiracy theory is that Zach allegedly did a couple of cycles of steroids before shooting Baywatch because he wanted to try to look as big as the rock.

Unfortunately for Zach, steroids promote growth in more muscles than just the pecks and the biceps. Ephron allegedly didn't stop the steroids after Baywatch concluded filming. Efron is a bit of a chatty-cathy. Is that interesting? And unbeknownst to him, as he was gabbing away with friends, he was actually building up his jaw muscles on the roids. Before he knew it, he suddenly

had the jaw... What, let me finish! Before he knew it, he suddenly had the jaw line of handsome Squidward. After much public speculations, Afron was scrambling to explain his facial transformation in a way that didn't reveal his steroid use. As he jogged on his

treadmill, he saw a sock on his floor by his beloved indoor marble fountain. Thus, the majaw was hanging off Maffa's story was born. He thought to himself, running, Sox are slippery. Marble is hard. Boom, that's the ticket.

The plan was to garner enough sympathy to overshadow the steroid speculation. Thank you, Joe. What do you fucks think? I don't believe it. Yeah, I don't either. How do you think, Jay? I want to believe because the story of the socks

and the marble fountain is so baffling. You're right. Yeah, and we tried to break it down. We still couldn't even visualize a life. We still don't even know what happened. We need a fucking. you know, murder math, murder board. Well, there's the, there's the, I was working out of my house by running around it, which

sounds completely insane, but again, another rich person thing, probably your house is so big, you can treat it like a track. Or my theory was he just got excited about something. You're like, remembered he had like, you know, a donut or something that he forgot about. Especially after the running. Especially after the workout. You're like, fuck right, I got that donut from last night that I've drunk ordered. And he ran in and he slipped.

But, I mean, either way, I think it's ridiculous. Why don't you believe it, Jackie? Well, I did just start. I was just like how if you, is steroid misuse, does it change the shape of your face? Because honestly, I have no idea. I don't really know anything about steroids and how it affects your body. All I know is that you get fat if you're using steroids and you're not working out enough. That's the basic.

And even that, I don't know if that's completely true. I think it lost me. He had to work. He talked so much because he had to work on his jaw muscles. I think that's really where it lost me. And I just feel like it's the kind of thing where how often is it that like, oh, I stood up and I threw my back out. And I feel like it's the kind of thing where sometimes things just kind of happen. Yeah, silly things.

And it's just his face is so drastically different from how it used to be. And I know I shouldn't be taking this seriously, this answer because it doesn't really matter. But I think I'm a believer. I can't say believer. I guess I'm an Ephronist. Let me put it this way. You saw his jaw,

and you're a believer. You saw his jaw. Jackie looks like she wants to stab. No, that's not what I meant. Okay. Am I being Shatterband from the podcast? Yeah, you just got to have a podcast. Did I just get Shadaband from page seven?

Very difficult. It was because of how much I don't believe in your celebrity can. Spearsy Theory this week. I've caught in the lightning cage now. Take your mouth, tentacles! My guts are all over my fucking lap. Oh my God.

I did it for us. Everyone, I did it for us. That's what, hopefully they'll, they're going to sit here when they cart me away. Yeah. I did it for us. Hopefully more than two weeks, they'll cart you away. But maybe that's. I guess after all, I was actually trapped in here with you all along.

Yep, you're welcome. There you go. Tenticles, it's time for the list. I'm done with it. Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie! Gotta have that list.

Spooky list today. 14 significant horror characters almost played by someone else. I am so glad, although maybe I would feel differently about Benedict Cumberbatch if he had played vampire bill in truly. blood. Apparently Cumberbatch auditioned for one of television's hottest vampires, but no one knows why he didn't get the part. This one would have been very, very different for my loins and my personal, one of many sexual awakenings from the movie Scream, that Freddie Prince Jr. almost played Billy Loomis in Scream. Wait, is that Skeet or Matt Lilly? It's Skeet. Oh, Freddie Prince Jr.

Almost played Skeet's part. No. And that would have been dev, it would have been so different. Yeah, that's a huge no. And it's a no, even if it was Matthew Lillard's part. I wouldn't recast anybody in that. Yeah, no, that movie's perfect. It's a perfect movie. Which is why we're going to watch it. We're going to watch it next Wednesday, and you should totally come and join us.

We're going to have more information over on our Patreon. Are we doing that on yours? We're going to do it on yours. On patreon.com slash page seven podcast. Did you guys know that Ryan Gosling was offered the role of Jim in 28 days later, which was brought to life by Killian Murphy, which I will say, have you seen 28 days later, MJ?

I haven't, but I love Killian Murphy. I know you love Killian Murphy. And I mean, you do get to see some dongy, don'ty, dongy, do you get to see that bad, I mean, it's sad, though. Elephant trunk. Yeah, it is a sad. Like, it's, I feel like it doesn't count. It's not sexy.

It's only sad. But it's a great movie. I'm not a big zombie person, but I think 28 days later and train to Busan. Those are two movies that if you're not zombie. people, you should check the fuck out. Anyway, but it could have been Ryan Gosling, and that would have been interesting. Did you know that Morgan Freeman was up for the part of Hannibal Lecter?

Nice. That's another one. This list is actually like kind of like blows my mind a little bit because Anthony Hopkins is so synonymous with Silence of the Lambs. And I've been wanting to rewatch Silence of the Lambs because it's been a handful of years. It's not one that you watch all the time because I feel like it was always on like AMC. and I was one of those movies that as a child I watched way too many times, but I would have loved Morgan Freeman

would have brought such a different energy to it. Yeah, you would have been good, but I still wouldn't change a thing. If it was not the iconic role for Anthony Hopkins, I would feel differently, but because it is, it's just impossible to see anyone else as it. Yes, and which is why it is so fun to even just think about some of these things.

Like Ben Mendelssohn was offered the role of Pennywise, And Pennywise, another hugely iconic character that it's so difficult to think of another person playing it. But the new it's, they did such a great job of distinguishing between the it's anyway that they already had done that. Ooh, aren't too excited? Yes, we are. MJ say something nice about the list. Ooh, I love this list. Sally Fields almost starred in Friday the 13th.

Sally Field? Sally Field. She would have been fine. That's one. This is exactly what I'm talking about with the Anthony Hopkins thing. That's not an iconic role per se. Right.

Right. Sure. Sally Field would have been great in that role. Yeah. This is another one that also would have been really great. Christina Ricci was up for Claudia in interview with a vampire that was iconically played by Kirsten Dux. I think if anyone else was to play that role, it would be Christina Ricci. And I think that she would have, like, she also would have done a great job.

But did you know that Eddie, Murphy almost played Candyman. See, that is, now we go back to the iconic role thing, right? Yes. Don't see that, right? No, I mean, I don't see it, but, like, he really wanted it. And I remember, because we did Candy Man for pop history. And I remember, like, this was, like, a big letdown for Eddie Murphy.

Like, this is, like, you really wanted to do something different. We'd probably have a completely different career from Eddie Murphy, if he had played this role, especially if he succeeded, we'd probably have him in a lot more prestigious, more interesting stuff, I think, as an actor. It would have probably been a gateway for him, but it's hard for me to see it. I think I do believe in his talent, though. I think he is like one of those ridiculously talented people that could do anything. I just watched the new Candy Man, but I haven't seen the New Candy Man.

How great is the new one? It's great. It's great. You should watch the old one because it plays off of the old one a lot and modernizes it in such a smart way. Definitely watch the old one. The old one's awesome. It's a great. That's one of those ones.

where the reboot definitely held up very close to the original, which is crazy. That first kill in the new one is so well done. So good. Holy shit with the mirrors or whatever. Just the idea of Candyman always, if Candyman still scares the shit. I was like, Kitty, and you better not say it five times. Don't do it, yeah. No, I don't like it.

I don't fuck around with that stuff. No. And last one at least, Brad Pitt could have starred in Sleepy Hollow instead of Johnny Depp. And I really would have liked to. have seen that as well. Again, another one where it's like, fine. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

I don't, when I think of Johnny Depp, I don't think like, wow, iconically, he is, you would never talk about him with that lawyer, huh? Isn't that fascinating? They ended up with a lawyer from his own divorce trial? Yeah, I don't know anything about law or whether that's okay or not. But I guess, you know what? I guess she really, she really thought he was guilty. Yeah, I'm not guilty.

Yeah, I mean, shit. Or not guilty enough that she still was down to bang him because, like, you know, he He doesn't have like a lot of money at this point. So he doesn't? I don't think. I mean, I don't think so. I mean, he's just, I don't know what. He looks like an inflated man.

I read some art, but this was like years ago that was talking about how he had like lost a lot of what he. The Rolling Stone article. Yeah. Yeah, the big article. That was great. Where he's just like drinking red wine. Yeah.

Just like talking about everything was lost. It was like, what was his wine budget? It was like $1,000 a week or something on wine. Yeah. Something nuts. Man. But that's my list for you, spoo. Are you scared?

I'm both terrified and I love to the list. I'm scared and entertained. I've never heard of a list of my life. Wow, what an ententement moment of delight. I've been entotained. Have you listeners, don't shadow ban me from page 7 LP in on TikTok. Please follow it and please watch my Taylor Swift TikToks or I might die. Look at this gnome pissing on a tree.

There you go. Look at that gnome. I had one gnome picture I looked up when I typed a naughty gnome. It was him. I went over looking in between his own legs with his pants down, his asshole out, and said the word welcome across it. And it was like, what kind of deranged

fucking mind would look at that and be like, I should put that on my front yard, this gaping ass. It looked like fucking goatsie or whatever. It's great because it's somebody who like puts enough investment into the appearance of their home to get homes in the first place. But then you just want to really alienate people

the minute they come close. I think it's great. Yeah, they're like fight club about it or whatever. They're just like, let's burn it down, though. Let's burn the whole neighborhood. And that's why we have HOA's. Thanks a lot. Nome lady.

Yeah, it's because it's not because of the geese, though. I tell you what? Get yourself a porch goose. Flessy goose. What's her name? Lucinda, or whatever your fucking goose's name is a show in her asshole. I'm so offended. It is so hard to actually offend me.

And I am offended. Her name is Gloria. She is a whole. Oh, what's your, whatever your kids? name is. Oh, I hope you slather the kid in claminase. It's Winona. Oh, is it? All right. I wouldn't know because I can't see her these days because I think I'm going. We can't see him. All right, well, here we go. The wealthy surfer knows the only way to save his company is by destroying the six-letter foreign app. He is trying to get his fellow bros

to get a band from play stores in the country. Previously, they wanted the algorithm and data, but they don't even care about that any longer. They just want it gone. Surfer's a bit of a throw-off. There's a robot man. I was like, don't. I was like, I know, I couldn't gun to my head

tell you one surfer. I don't know any servers. He's not a famous server. He's a very wealthy man that happens to, he's been photographed surfing before. Oh, Mark Zuckerberg? Yes. And the Six Letter app.

Parlor. TikTok. Parlor. I was thinking about the Kanye story. They don't care about. Yeah, Kanye might buy it. But the funniest thing about the Kanye thing really quick, we're going to talk about it. Kanye is looking to buy the shit-headedest app ever called Parlor, which is hilarious

because he's been budding up with Candace Owens. And guess who owns Parlor? Her husband. So this is all just a scheme by Candace Owens to offload a failing business to Kanye. And he's literally like might be selling off his entire catalog. to purchase Parlor, which I think is kind of, I hope that happens actually, because Parlor will is failing and will fail,

and then he won't control his own music anymore, which both will be hilarious to me, but also maybe somebody with more of a mind than him to do this will actually, like, release interesting stuff with his, I don't know, you know what I mean? It'll be in better hands, hopefully, is what I'm saying, potentially. But anyways, that's the whole thing with that.

I can't believe that about the, It's her husband who owns Barler. Is this all Candace Owens just fucking is having a field day right now, this horrible person. I hate her so much. Yeah, just cashing in, man. Cashing in, dude, it's so, cashing in on the mentally ill. Anyways, though, I'm talking about Mark Zuckerberg. You think he's going to destroy TikTok?

I kind of hope so at this point. I'm getting Shadowband left and right on that fucking site. To be honest with you, you know what I mean? I don't know, dude. I don't know if they're, I don't know what would happen with that. But Lord knows. He's got the money for it. They can't figure out how to make legs in the metaverse.

How is he going to manage TikTok? Do you think we did? I do better on parlor. I will shadow ban you. I think, I'm going to say everybody's going to shadow ban you, including the tentacles. I'm at truth God. Well, yeah, if you're under truth God. If it's just you're talking about Taylor Swift, I guess you can do whatever.

All these Nazis are like, wait, you're just here to talk about Taylor's story. Yeah. They're like, we already disproved that she was a secret Nazi a long time ago. She's actually very into the opposite. I'd be like, no, whatever. I love the new album. What do you guys think? Just like, we're here to like storm a building.

I don't know what you're here to do, but we're here to, you know, piss on everything this country is founded on. Anywho, I hope they try. The floundering that's happening, I don't know if you're looking at the Metaverse stuff at all. They can't figure out the legs. They introduced, yeah, they've introduced legs. It is such a fumble. It is such like an obvious, apparently, like,

they're trying to figure out how to, like, reallocate all this money. I mean, they've spent billions on this Metaverse thing, and it looks like neopets from like a decade ago. Ooh. It looks like dog shit. Yeah, Jackie's it. Now Jackie's it.

Yeah, exactly. Literally dodges. Yeah, if you bring up neopets, I'm yours. Here for it. Now I see the leg verse. It's so rudimentary. Yes.

It's the leggy verse. Yeah. They got legs. I love that that was the new thing. Anyways, I wouldn't be shocked if this blind is true that they're actively trying to destroy it. I think like, you know, I'm really close to getting off Facebook for good. I'm probably going to do it soon.

What do you guys think? How are you guys' relationships with this stuff? Are you off? Are you considering getting off anything at this point? Twitter and I don't really look at Facebook. Yeah, I think I'm going to get fully get off Facebook. Yeah, do it, man. I got rid of both and my life is better for it.

Now I just watch dog training videos. I've been learning a lot about how dogs communicate with us and when they want pets and when they don't want pets. And sometimes the dogs tolerate our pets when they don't want our pets. And I don't have a dog, but I have been following lots of dog trainers on TikTok so I can learn about dogs. You should follow my, oh, well, that's TikTok. On Insta, you should follow my brother's dog.

They have a dog account. It's very cute. I'm busy. Are you busy? Yep. It's not interesting. All right, this next one. Are you getting off anything, MJ?

I want to, but, like, I actually, like, use Facebook now to, like, connect with, like, the people in my neighborhood, you know? I, like, I get hand-me-downs and shit, and I give away shit. And I also, I get that. The marketplace. Like, I post pictures of, like, the kids on Facebook because, you know, that's where like extended friends and family is but i get them on tiny beans tiny just get move all of them over to tiny beans and you never have to do it it's great i love my

our tiny beans yeah i i'm i'm incredibly close i think the only thing keeping on there is literally the roundtable of gentlemen facebook group it's like the only reason why but i love it i cherish it there's such a great group of people uh shout out to you guys anyways which three name singer slash celebs spawn of an A-plus-plus lister is developing a one-woman show a la Carrie Fisher's wishful drinking. It will time to coincide with the release of her memoirs

next year, a three-named singer-slash-selebs spawn, most known for being a spawn of a celib who married an incredibly high-profile. Singer, um, um, her dad's like, and, uh, her husband's like,

Oh, Priscilla, Presley? Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, not Priscilla. Lisa Marie. Lisa Marie. Presley, yes. Lisa Marie Presley,

by the way, is set to release, I'm kind of interested in this one, set to release a tell-all book on both her father and Michael Jackson, which was sold to gallery books

for a few million bucks. And it, quote, promises shocking revelations about Michael Jackson and a completely new understanding of Elvis. Whoa. Oh, yeah.

I'll read that. That was kind of the reason for the season with that was more to talk about the tell-all. But the one-woman show is also kind of, fascinating to me. And I loved Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking One Woman show.

I think it's on HBO, on HBO Max. Why are you looking around? I had to sneeze and I couldn't find a light bright enough. I knew a light to sneeze too, Jackie. Gideon thinks it's absolutely astonishing.

He doesn't understand it. I'm with you. I need a light. If it's not coming, then you need a light so that the light brings it out. And then if you get interrupted, it stops.

Yes, because I can feel hold and looking at me that it was like, God damn it, I just did this is. And then I literally, I said, why are you like looking around all over the place? I could see that what was happening because I see just like that.

I saw Jackie, yeah, the seas looking around for a light. I only do that quickly looking around. What's happening? Why are you looking around? First of all, there's that light right there. This one you should use. It doesn't know. It's not directly at me.

That's the problem. I think I only do that trick if I'm outside or I have access to the sun. That's the only time I actually do that. But I know exactly what you're talking about. So Gideon's a snoozer and a dazeer. dozer. He thinks that making it up. Yeah, that's crazy. No. I'm with you. He should just try it sometimes. He ever just tried to, if he's almost about to sneeze,

just to look up at the sun real quick and it'll happen? Like, that's a very easy thing to test out. But anyways. I've been told it for a decade. Oh my God. This one I love. This is a lady close to our hearts. And this is such a funny blind for her. What permanent A-List singer slash diva was getting fingered by her? security guard under the table at an upscale restaurant not too long ago, apparently the guy who she calls her boyfriend was present as well.

Oh my God, that's so hot and it has to be Mariah Carey. Yeah! I love that. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, the article linked stated she was photographed stumbling out of Mastro Steakhouse in L.A. at 1 a.m., but that was actually back in May of 2016. I'm pretty sure this is referencing a more recent visit to the Steakhouse.

Yes. But it's the same steakhouse, apparently. Man, damn, even with them tight dresses on, she must have had a hoist that up over her hips. Oh, yeah, for sure. How did he get up in there? Well, God knows, maybe her vagina's low or something. Yeah, she's probably, oh, yeah, one of the loganas.

Low genus. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, when it starts slapping your knees. Right. Yeah, then that's easy. You're right. You are right. Thank you.

I love hearing that. Can we clip that, please, so we can play that for me before bed. Just Jackie's saying you are right So what do you think about that? MJ have you ever been fingered in a restaurant? Jesus, what a question? What a question is that what you thought he was going to ask? I could tell whether he was like,

am I going to go with this question? Yes, I am. No, I haven't joined that club with Mariah Carey. Right, me neither, unfortunately. I wish I could say yes, but I can't. Yeah. You ask Jackie. I know Jackie's answer.

So we're not going to ask Jackie that question. I got nothing to say. Yeah, she's mute. I got nothing to say. I have got too many tight dresses on. That's what it is. I wear my bodycon dresses. It's so difficult.

And then my lips are slapping my knees. I don't know what to do. Oh, my God. I don't know what to do with myself. Lo China. I think, you know, I say guffaw. Yeah, I love it. I say a go for.

Of course. Of course. I'm not go for the weight staff. And I don't encourage it. Yeah. I know that that's got to be very annoying. Yeah. Angry James Corden, the next table of,

Oh, Howard Crops. And you got me lobsters. Oh, is James Corden here right now? Oh, and it's Croves. Oh, my God. Sounds just like him. Yo, this is Holden. I know we're about a wrap up,

so I just want to say, Taylor Swift, Midnight, September 21st, TikTok, catch me out there because I'm Shadow Band clearly and it's a big fucking issue. So page 7 LPN on TikTok if you want to give it some love. Comment, write un-band Holden in the comments on my T-Swift TikToks, that kind of stuff. To let me know you're out there that you care, my little holdlings or whatever.

I'm trying to go over the even newer name for my fans. My hold-olderinos. Don't do this. We got to get there. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. Thank you for ranking out with us. See, Holden, you just heard the moment he got Shadow Band from page. You can follow me on Instagram

at Jack That Worm. You can follow us on obviously TikTok and page 7 LPN. Come hang out with me over on Twitch. dot TV forward slash Oh no, it's Jackie. Come join us on Wednesday, October 26, where, I mean, it's looking like we're going to go see,

we're going to watch Scream together, and we're going to have a blast and we'll have more information over on the Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast that is 7 the number. MJ, you go next. I'll close it up there. My name is,

MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. There you go. I'm Holder McNeely. Some call me their gods. Some call me their servant. Nope. Have you ever been fingered under a table? You've been fingered under a table?

I said I agreed with you. I've never, I can't join that club, MJ. Absolutely not. We're both on the aspirational list. Yeah, I got a, I got a beege in the back of a cab that did not finish because I was so uncomfortable. I don't like the public places thing.

It is not hot to me. It is so unhot to me. It is so unattractive. All I could think about is like everyone around me. I like privacy and dead silence when I'm making love. Wow. Sounds like fun. Poor of my poor wife.

Wow. But absolutely sounds. Maybe a little bit of a noise machine, just a little bit of white noise. Okay. Wow. You know. Cue up that noise machine, baby. Twitch.

Dot TV forward slash hold to nature's ho for the watch along there next week. We've got so much stuff. I'm streaming Monday through Friday. And also patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Oh, yeah. And page 7 podcast at gmail.com. We're about to do the shoutouts. You can send your shoutouts there.

But more importantly for me, celebrity conspiracies, blind items, all of it. Send them my way. I will use them on the show. Thank you so much. everybody who has submitted celebrity conspiracies. That's all I got. Shall we sing? We shall sing.

Shout. Shout. Let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote in about. Come on. We're going to read it to you. Come on. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for sending in your shoutouts.

And again, you can send your own shoutouts in to page seven podcast at gmail.com. That is page seven, seven. number, podcast at gmail.com. You can send anything to us just a high hello. If you want to tell us that we should totally watch something, or we just need to get a hold of us. Hit us up at page 7 podcast at gmail.com. And I'm there reading all of the messages, unless you put in the subject line, and it is a blind item, Oregon Spirzy Theory. Those I do not open. And those are for Holden's Lizard Eyes only. But today, we've got lots of cheers in the house. Are you you ready for a congratulatory shoutouts today? I am. First up, it's Christine. Congratulations,

Christine says, I'm enjoying my year of big change. The new job is going great and after five very long years, I'm finally moving out of my dad's house. It still doesn't feel real, even though I've had to deal with enough paperwork to fill the Library of Congress, but I bought a house. I I love it so much. It has a huge yard in an already established garden. Oh, there's also a barn and a gazebo. The best feature, though, might be the farmhouse sink. Oh, I love a farmhouse sink, Christine.

And I got to just say, oh, my God, that custom-built bar that you sent the picture of is to die. I hear you loud and clear. Thank you so much for the standing invitation for any LPN peeps to stay in your guest room. If we find ourselves in Raleigh, I will definitely give you a call. But I just want to say, oh, congratulations. Christine. We're rolling right into a delightful congratulations towards Grace because we've got a self-shout. Grace says, I love y'all so much and I'm so grateful for you doing what you do. You all have helped me through a very tough time and laughing along with you crazy bitches has been my savior. So because of that, I am giving myself an amazing self-shout. I've been working so hard on my mental health.

Oh, good for you. And so much more the past few months and I fucking deserve it. Love you guys. Jackie, you are amazing. You stop, and I can't listen to you without laughing. That's so sweet. M.J., you are so strong, and hearing your story has been so inspiring. And then there's a hold in whatever. I know you said that he's hilarious, but I refuse to read it. Part of it. I'm only say the whatever part. Thank you so much for doing what you do, Grace. And also thank you so much for my little Miss Twilight as a personality trait meme, because that is me.

I've got the tattoo to prove. it. Oh, God, I've got the tattoo to prove it. Anyway, moving on, moving on. This is a great shout out from Kat, the snake lady. Kat says, I'm not even through the last episode yet, but I just had to let you know that this week's episode is perfectly tailored to my herpetologist art. Jackie very kindly read my email a couple of years ago about a guy making calls, I remember this, to reptile keepers describing his fantasy about snake volatio. I work at Kentucky Reptile zoo, and I just wanted to share a few things. First, one of my running jokes at work is to rewrite song about snakes, and one we come up with was, I've got a golden lance head instead of I've got a

golden ticket. Also, not sure about snake king, but king snakes are a thing. They don't rule monocries, though, just eat other snakes. Lastly, I thought that Holden needed to know, and oh, I don't want to tell him this cat, that October 21st is not only his Tatee day, but also Reptile Awareness Day, so it's double his celebration. Oh, I don't want to do Jack and with the holdies with him on Friday. He's going to be insufferable. But, Kat, I hope that you're able to join us, and I'm so happy that you were able to write in. Oh, say hi to the snakes for me, or at least I guess they S. Anyway, moving on, moving on. More congrats and birthday. Cheers go out to Culpin Megan. Colpin Megan from our amazing Twitch community, also known as Megan. Kelsey, your sister sent

in a happy birthday to you because November 6th is Copen Megan's 30th birthday. I love this. We are having a Harry Styles themed birthday with costumes and everything. Dirty 30, slot style. I think you meant, oh, Harry Styles, slot styles? Oh, now I get it. I could have figured this out before I read it, but I'm still going. Also, Megan, if you have a partner, hopefully your partner is dressing up as Olivia Wilde in any way, shape, and form, and maybe you can, like, have some sort of, like, over-dramatization of what happened with Florence Pugh. I don't know. I'm just throwing out birthday ideas. Isn't that what you want to do on your birthday anyway? Kelsey didn't say that. Kelsey says, Tim Macon. I just want to say that I am so incredibly proud of you

for following your dreams and going out on a limb to land your dream teaching job. The girl I knew five years ago would have never even applied, and I am so, so proud of all of the self-care and work you have put in to start to heal yourself and your mind. You have come so far, and I am the most annoying big sister because I am always bragging about you. I love you forever, and thank you for being the other half of our whole idiot. And to anyone turning 30, be not afraid. Your 30s are infinitely better than your 20s. Oh my God, everybody says it, Kelsey, but you're so fucking right.

And you have a better sense of who you are, and you care less about others' perceptions of you, so you get to be your whole self unapologetically. Embrace it and be fucking weird. I love you all. And oh my God, I love you too, Kelsey. And happy birthday, Megan. I love sister shoutouts for birthdays. It puts a smile on my face.

I love you, Lazyz and Whiskey! And last but not least, we have a little. an anonymous shoutout today. And this one says, this self-shout is one, I hope, resonates. Two months ago, my partner of almost five years dumped me as I was getting out of the shower. I actually thought he was going to propose to me the next month. The next day, he went on a date and didn't come home again. Three days later, my 15-year-old dog died. It wasn't unexpected, but it was devastating. I got COVID for the first time a few days after that and was stuck inside, surrounded by my cheating boyfriend and dead dog's belongings. This was also weeks after my grandpa died, who was like a father

to me. Over the next month, I had to pack up all of my things alone, and those are some of the hardest days I've ever had in my life. Throughout that, I was finding out more and more about the person I was with was a lie, and how much she cheated on me. On work trips when I was watching my grandpa die, even using my dog's Instagram account, which he created to talk to escorts. So I packed up the whole house, made moving plans, and I started practicing my cello, which I hadn't touched in almost 14 years. I cried and I played and I slept and I packed and I grieved. Two weeks ago, I was accepted into the city symphony. My life isn't what I want it to be right now. I miss my dog every day. Every day I wish I could drive home to be with my loving

boyfriend that I thought that I had and the best dog I will ever have in my life, all cuddling together on the couch. I wish I could be naive again just for a moment, but you don't, Anon. You don't. Being strong is so hard, but I will be, because I have to. Page 7 was one of the only shows I listened to during this time. It was a break from the pain my mind was going through. I don't know if you guys could ever know how much that little light meant to me when it was so dark. Thank you. So this self-shout out is to me and to anyone who feels lost or has lost, and for taking little teeny steps, Every day. I don't have much that I feel proud of in my life right now,

but I'm a fucking good cellist. And Anon, I am so proud of you, even just for writing this out, for taking this poison out of your body, releasing it, release it from you. Because you've got this and you are strong and it is hard, but it's so worth it. And I'm so proud of you.

Oh my God, the city fucking symphony? That's amazing. I'm so happy for you and I'm so proud that you took the tap the steps that are so difficult to take. And I'm proud of everybody. Thank you so much for writing in. And I just, I love the connection that we have in our community.

I feel our connection grow stronger every week. And I just want to say, thank you so much for taking the time to write in and to be a part of this. Because it's not easy being a part of a community and to open yourself up and to send something like this in. But I appreciate it. And even if you want to send something in that you don't want me to read, you can do that too. Just get it off your chest. Have someone you don't know read it. I'll read it.

And be like, damn, that fucking sucks. And I'll take it from you in a good way. Love you so much, guys, and I will talk to you next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.