Page 7 - Ep. 470: And Apparently That IS Sexual Harassment

Episode Date: October 28, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout DA TOUR, the upcumin' High School Musical 2 watch-along, the spiritual warfare enacted on Holden, Ace Ventura AND The Crying Game not holding up, MIDNIGHTS, Jackie gettin' banned from TikTok for offering ziti to Jason Sudeikis, that damn dressing, the nanny that keeps on deliverin', Willie Nelson's plan for his ashes, Holden tells MJ and Jackie how they will die, the tragic loss of Leslie Jordan, When We Were Young Fest, Billy McFarland's Treasure Hunt, Madonna and Cardi Beefin', and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Did Tay Plan to Come Out in 2019?! DA LIST, BLINDZ and SHOUTZ! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

B'bom, b'am, b'am, b'all. And they all say, never. A cat's so clever as magical Mr. Misophilies. Bam, b'am. While this happens in my head, honestly, someone loose and controlled their car on the road

while we're screaming this song and gone, What a lot? How do you feel, is it in your brain? Well, it's in our brains. and I'm sorry that if we just got that suck in your head, except I'm not sorry. Welcome to page seven because we are up top here talking about hashtag release the butthole cut tour.

Y'all, we are coming to you soon. And Dalton, Austin, we are going to be there so soon and I'm going to be so fresh off the heels of my wedding. I'm going to look and radiate madness. You want to be around it? Austin, we are coming to emoes on the 17th of November. Emo's and Austin, please check it out on the last podcastnetwork.com. Also, Dallas, Texas, Southside Music Hall.

Hope there's not a lot of violence in that venue. Why would you say that? Because of the West Side Story? It's a West Side Story. Just trying to flavor it up a little bit. So I'm not just naming facts about our tour. Oh, okay. I thought the violence doesn't arise to a degree that would make a man go mad at

Southside Music Hall in Dallas on the 18th of November, I hope fisticuffs do not approach us. But maybe there will be fisticuffs after we sing Mr. Mastafelies because you know it's going to happen. You know it's going to happen to you. There's a one that we are going to sing. And they are set. I get so clever as magical Mr. Mastafel. Mastafel.

Mastafel. Except there. will be no orchestra and will be us singing it acapella instead. Also, if that is keeping you from buying a ticket, then we won't be singing the song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Yes, podcast network.com. Check out all the dates on there. There's so many other ones. We've got D.C., we've got Philly, we've got Brooklyn, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Chicago, San Francisco, Los Angeles. But first and foremost, coming right around the corner, Austin and

Dallas, the 17th and 18th of November emoes, and the very violent, very frightening South Side Music Hall. There might be... Not been to Southside Music Hall, but I have been to Dallas and I'm not scared in Dallas. There's some gun violence in Dallas, for sure. I mean, I imagine it is a city in the United States. For sure, in the United States, in Texas, you know what I mean? All I know is that I'm in the final week before planning a wedding, and so Mr. Mistophiles hasn't been playing, but are you familiar?

with Rose's turn from Gypsy when like the mother starts to lose her mind and unravel where it's just like why did I do it? What did it get me? Scrap with all of me in the background where she like starts to really truly unravel

and I've been singing that to myself. The wedding and everything. I had a dream. I dreamed it for you, June. And it makes me think of we were just talking about because next week we are listening to and watching together high school

musical too, and we were talking about letting your children be a part of showbiz, and I think of Gypsy, and I can't believe I didn't bring up Gypsy, because then you will slowly crack as a theater mother, and then you listen to Rose's turn all the time. Yeah. Why are you both looking at me like, I'm crazy? Just a challenging conversation starter, that's all. Just try to come up. We've got a show.

We've got a show, and the violence returns to Southside. musical with a bad. Violence returns. We are the violence. That's the thing. Yeah, we are the violent. We're going to get violent with you guys on the 18th of November in Dallas, too. Yeah, come on.

It's like, well, I feel like I was going to do a thing in the show where it's like a gang. Like, I'm going to beat them in to our, to our fandom. Like, you know what I mean? You're like, you're going to be the Jets? No, I don't. Yeah. A one man jet? Until your last dying day?

A one man jet. It's going to be very scary. I'm in a friend. out bubbles of water though instead. Exactly. No, I'm not going to be enact violence on anyone, so come on down to Dallas and come on to Austin 17th and 18th of November. Last Podcast Network.com. I like, you're looking to be as if I'm doing a bad job and then you're talking about the violence of Dallas to get people to come out to our show.

I was trying to pivot into like, oh, it's Jackie's madness, not just Holden's madness. What's your reason for Madness Holden? It's Midnight's Week, Jackie. Oh, that's why. So that's like my full moon and I'm the werewolf. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I thought I heard howling through North Hollywood.

Yeah, I was going, Maroon! That's the second track. It's very good. All right. Well, Tate broke the internet, everybody. I guess we have to start off with that. Speaking of the spiritual violence that gets enacted on me when a Taylor Swift album comes out. Speaking of violence.

I get railroaded left and right. people just be like, she fucking. It's sad. You're not getting that. Yes, all the time it happens. Taylor Swift does bring up out a lot of people's strong emotions. I don't notice that. It's weird. People are, I've said this all the time.

People are weird about her. It is very strange what happens to people. And people are just way more, I guess I'll use the word impassioned about musical tastes than I am. And I think it's just because I've gotten older. I remember a time when I was like angry about like a band I didn't like, right? Right. Did you have, for me, the first one was counting crows. I fucking hated counting crows with a passion.

My brother had the CD and I stole it and took it to school so we can make fun of the lyrics to Mr. Jones at lunchtime. I think that this might have been an only youth thing. Yeah. I didn't go through this. I've ever feeling any thinking really about the kind of gross and my feelings towards them for more than 10 seconds at a time. No. Was there ever a band where you're like,

those guys? I mean, me with every popular artist until I turned 11 and wanted to be popular and started watching the H-1 top 10 countdown because I wasn't cool enough to watch TRL. You had pre-11-year-old hate on that level? That was my biggest hating time. Yes, people don't think that children can be depressed, but they can. They certainly can be.

Oh, they can. They can be anxious. They can talk about their mental health. That is something that should and encourage that with our children. If you look at the lyrics, they make no sense. Okay, just everything in Mr. Jones. Oh, I thought you were talking about midnight. So I was like, wow, what a turnaround.

Oh, my God. Doesn't she say sexy little babies? I will say MJ in one of the songs on Midnights, I was listening to it. I've listened to it thrice. I listened to it. Wines last night. You had wines? You had whites?

I had thrice. And I enjoyed it. It's enjoyed it, but there is a song where she starts talking about sexy little babies, and I had to pause it to be like, wait, did she just say sexy little babies? And I know that she was, I think, making a japerie of sorts of saying they all think that they're sexy little babies. I look to you, Holden. She says, I feel like everybody's a sexy bit, but you know the sexy baby thing, right? Where it's had to win girls talk like this. Oh, like Messica from season one of Love is Blind.

Yes, yes. She had her, remember, she had her little baby voice in the past. She was a little baby. I just think of Santa Baby. You know how I feel about it. Right. So you would agree with that lyric, I think. Poochie Poochie's carnivis dick.

I'm going to walk up my halls. Right? Big boys. I would love to see you do some diaper play at Singh Santa. I'm right. I'd rather be Rose's turn. I'm fine with it. I'd rather have an, like, watch my mind unravel in real time.

Well, all right, just here's an example. Well, I'm going to paint my picture, paint myself in blue and red and black and gray. You're still talking about counting crows. All of the beautiful colors are very, very meaningful. Yeah, well, you know, gray is my favorite color. I felt so symbolic yesterday. If I knew Picasso, I would buy myself a gray guitar and play. This conversation started by Holden saying he's not a hater towards other people's music.

And now he's counting the ways in which he's still bad at the counting bro. Wow, he hasn't let it go. No, I haven't. So I get your hate, y'all, but I do like the new album. I think it's really strong. I don't love every single song on it, but the ones that I do, I like it. All right. And my favorite, one of my three, I like, I like, you're on your own kid.

That's a dumb and dumber reference, everybody. Oh, big gulps, huh? Well, see you later. Anyways. Remember when the bird's head fell off? The guy drinks the piss. Yeah, you remember that? Harle Williams drinks the piss.

Man, there is nothing that makes you feel dumber than rewatching dumb and dumb and dumber and you're just like, still hold it. I love it. Dumb and dumber is so good. I should try to adopt dumb and dumber as my favorite Jim Carrey movie because, of course, my favorite Jim Carrey movie always was Ace Venture, a pet detective. And of course, yeah, that's sad to say it holds up in every way until you realize what the founding conceit of the film is.

It's real rough. And then it's really sad and you realize, oh, this entire movie is based in a transphobic joke and you got to send it out to see. And I got to just bring in Dumb and Dumber is my favorite, which talk about a hater in my pre-11 years old days, I was like, anybody who likes Dumb and Dumber more than Ace Venture a pet detective doesn't know what they're talking about. I will say. Oh, original haters. I will throw one thing out there about that. It doesn't, it doesn't at all make it better really. But at the end of the day, I'm pretty sure they were just parodying the crying game.

but then also remember the fucking crying game? I don't think I never saw the crying. The whole concede of that, so that whole shower sequence when he realizes the deal with what's her name. Finkel and Einhorn. Finkle is I-Nor. When he's in the shower and stuff,

that's a parody of crying game. And the whole thing about crying game is exactly that. It's like this guy, I believe I've never seen either, but just I remember, yeah, I think it was like the OG Transpanic movie, right? Because it's about a guy

who falls in love with a girl and then he eventually finds out, I believe that she was a man transition to a woman, right? Wow. I think that's the deal with it. You're talking to two people have never seen. And then he's naked in the shower. You know what I mean?

Oh, naked in the shower. I remember that? Remember what he puts the bird seed in his belly button? No. Well, what about this? How do you feel about Guano? Maybe Ace Ventura 2 is a good pivot. I also remember hating that, but I might have been wrong about that.

I just loved Ace Venturo 1 so much. It's so funny. Yeah, it's so funny. You know, it's like when your favorite band puts out an album and you're like, this isn't quite as good as the first album, was how I felt about. Or, yeah, like, Bright Eyes puts out an album called, like, trans people or whatever or something like that. You're like, why?

Why would you do that? You know what I mean? It's just, it's old, you know? He would never, I don't think. Although I sound like he was going to think. I don't know. I don't know. I have no idea about him.

I try to keep my. parisocial relationships with stars. To its limits, everyone just keeps messaging, everyone, my thing since everyone knows that I love Connober's, everyone just keeps messaging me like the saddest reviews of him, like, having a really hard time with alcoholism on his current tour. So it's just like, he's just really, he has struggled for a very, obviously, if you've ever heard a single second of any Bright Eyes song, you know, that he struggles with depression and alcoholism.

and so people just keep sending me these like really sad. Like he didn't even finish his set in New Orleans posts. And so I just, I'm like, oh, you bring up a good thing. I actually want to shout out to the people who like hate all over the Tay is one thing. But I also get so many sweet DMs and even texts from friends that like wouldn't normally, that really surprised me of being like, I really like the new album or, you know, whatever, or people just backing me as well. So I really appreciate that.

We both listen to it. And I both listened to it. Yeah. And I texted my sister-in-law at 11.30 p.m. on the day that it came on midnight's day because she's also a tailor and a galer tailor. And so I said, you know, happy midnight's day. And she said, I'm so glad you thought of me. And so I understand what it means to be a Taylor Swiftie and to have someone remember you on your day of need.

On your day. Yes. It is my day. it's my day of Tay. And I think it's good. It's moody. You know what I mean? It is very moody.

It's a moody record. It's very honest. It's nice to get her back to being autobiographical because folklore and Evermore were more about, you know, fictional stories. That's why they were called folklore and Evermore. Oh my God. So whatever.

Champagne problems. Champagne problems. Midnights broke the Spotify record for most streamed album in a single day. Take that. Kim Kardashian's big ass. What is wrong with her ass? Why are you blaming it? It's because she broke the internet with her ass.

Her ass broke the internet. Oh, breaking the internet. Oh, yeah, because I did say that this, oh my God, Tay, broke the internet. I'm so glad that phrasing has kind of gone out of favor with popular culture because that really, that was the word. I said it too enrage you. To enrage me. And that really was the worst time when it comes to, like, corny internet lingo was right around that Kim Kardashian picture release. He just thought they were so clever.

And you are all clever, and I love my listeners. So I just thank you guys for being around. Back to you, Jackie. Almost as clever as Mr. Mistophiles, and almost as clever as a one salad dressing that got a My TikTok taken down off of page 7 LPN TikTok's page. Talk about shadow banning. Jackie got explicitly banned just for sexually in nature,

suggesting that Olivia Wilde's salad dressing is not very spicy. It's how a thin person hits on a person. I didn't even say thin bitch, even though that's what I wanted to say. And I just offered a Jason Sadekis if you want a couple of jugas covered in Zidi to come give me a call. And apparently that is sexual harassment on TikTok. I'm sorry, Jason Sadekis. The offer still stands, if you consent, respectfully. Respectfully.

I will cover my juggas. Zidi. I didn't even say the word press. Yeah, Juggas, I feel like it's appropriate. I honestly did. I watched that TikTok several times because it made me laugh a lot. And I didn't even really, Juggas was not even the key word. To me, the key word was Zidi. And just the general vibe of it was like, I mean, the salad dressing, I can't believe that that's the special salad dressing. We need to talk about the salad dressing. We are talking about the salad dressing. So we talked about this a little bit last week about Olivia and Jason Zadakis, and this nanny is still talking.

I tell you what, man. I love it. Get that. Get her, man. Wow. Get it. Do it. Given the details.

Drag up. The nanny last week brought up that this whole where Jason Sadekis pulled a bit of a Bella instead of laying in the forest to die, he laid behind the car so that she couldn't leave. And it's because she had made her special dressing. Now, what is her special dressing? We talked about this last week. And she actually got it.

Olivia Wilde posted it herself. It is from Nora Ephron's 1983 autobiographical novel Heartburn. And the vinegaret. Unbelievable. Can we just say it's a vinegar red her house? When you listen to that. It is two tablespoons of grapeoup on mustard, two tablespoons of good red wine vinegar, whisking them constantly with a fork, slowly add six tablespoons of olive oil.

You mean it is the basic. ass bitch vinaigrette. That's your special salad. It's the foundation. I love a vinaigrette. I love a vinegar. Listen, this is also how I make my vinaigarettes.

It's just that I would never call that my special salad dresses. You don't put a little bit of garlic in it? You don't put a little bit of pepper? You put a little bit of pepper? You put a little bit of pepper? You put something else in it? That is the most basic ass bitch vignette I've ever seen.

More like Olivia mild, am I right? You are like. Actually, you know what, Holden? You're not often right, but right now you are. She is one of you a mild. Talking about Starbucks, dude. Yes. She's like,

Starbucks, which she is. But Olivia Wilde is Mother fucking Starbucks. You know what? Ted Lasso is Starbucks as well. Back to you, Jackie. Oh, but it's great Starbucks. It's the star, that's the problem. Starbucks is delicious, sweet.

You know, I mean, if you're getting the ones that have enough calories in it for a day, then Starbucks is delicious. Right, right, right. If you get their regular coffee, we all know it tastes part. We all know that the regular coffee at Starbucks is not what it's cracked up to be. You go, I go, I hit in Starbucks when I'm like, ooh, yeah, put my pumpkin cream on my salt and caramel. Mama wants a dessert this morning. Yeah, Mama wants a fucking dessert.

Or Mama needs to take a dump. That's the other. Yeah, yeah, or Mama needs to take a dump. Well, that's Chipotle or five guys. Haven't you ever been like, oh, it's been a couple days? I either need to like see a doctor or just go to Starbucks and get a coffee. Oh my God. For me, that used to be Chipotle, and now it's five guys.

Five guys makes me instadown. Chipotle now, it like goes in, and then I sit on it like an egg, and then in the morning I have just painful issues. So I'm starting to shy a little bit away from Chipotle. Back to you, Jay. I am disgusting. I am just, oh, my God. Yeah, it's a real loaf down there.

Oh, wow. I don't like loaves. It's because it's so strong. It's overbrewed, you know. Oh, it's a lot of caffeine? It's a bit of a butt racket. That's all I'm saying. Oh, wrong.

Hey. Listen, I'm not the one getting banned from TikTok for my explicit content. Oh, my, my, filthy content, Jackie. I'm sexually harassed. And it said sexual harassment and bullying. I cried for 40 minutes. I love it. I felt so bad.

And then I got mad because I was like, give me a fucking break. I love that you were already mad about the dressing. And then you made a joke on it on TikTok. And then they just tripled down by shadow banding. Olivia mild. It's all because of Olivia fucking mild. I'll tell you what.

I didn't even say thin bitch. But I think the real story here is this bitch is such a fucking hypocrite, dude. She fucking keeps coming out there being like, it's about the movie. It's about the film and experience. The real go to the movie theater movie that I made. And that's what it should be about.

And everyone's talking about this other stuff over here. Well, you posted the dressing. You're fucking complicit. You posted the dress. She posted it like a little mic drop. Like, wink, wink, like a little. Yeah. You are playing into this thing like crazy.

You love it. Stop trying to sit here and be like, I'm an artist who makes a real go-to-theater movie, and I don't care about the whole like whatever with the divorce. I just like, I'm just wild about Harry. And Harry's wild about me. But that's not true. Is it Olivia?

It's not true. Yeah, but is it true that Florence, Hugh had the fling with Harry Styles first? Because that's also what the nanny has said. Yes, I will say. And I think I said it before, but I will say more like Florence P.U, for sure. I don't think so. No, it's more like Florence Wu.

Yes, thank you. Yeah, you're right. It is more like Florence. I love Florence P.U. Wow, do you think that holds any weight? It would be the secret to unlock the whole mystery, don't you think? Yeah. It would be.

But then that's the thing is when did her relationship with Zach Brath end? And when, like, is that why it ended? Is that why it quietly went away? Was it because of that? This would explain so much. It would explain why her absolutely baffling relationship with Zach Brough ended so, you know, abruptly. It would explain why she seems to despise Olivia Wilde and despise the entire movie-film movie-movie and the film and the film experience. Like, I just think that this nanny has actually provided the last puzzle piece that we could not find.

Why did everyone in this film hate each other? Because it's really about a bunch of bitches fighting over Harry Styles. Wow. And one industry source, that's when you know that this is real, said, I can tell you for a fact that Flo, seeing Olivia and Harry all over each other on set did not go down well. As Olivia was still with Jason when she first hooked up with Harry, which we know because of the fucking vinegar. Yeah. I like how you're calling it a vinaigrette as if that is something separate from a salad dress. It's just because it's the most basic.

Well, well, a thousand island, please. That would have been hilarious, though, but it was like, I mix mayonnaise with a ketchup. You are making a homemade thousand islands. Let's say you grew the cucumbers. You made the pickles. You made the pickles. Right. Now I'm getting insane with this.

You make the pickles. You make the relish for the fat. Like, I'm saying you can make a high-end, thouand. Island stretching. You make the mayo yourself. You make the whole thing. You making the poop on? Hey, mild, you making the poop on?

Because I don't fucking think so. I'll tell you what, I had a poop on earlier. I was actually yesterday for a watch. Don't bring up your loads on this podcast again. I will not allow it. You shall not pass, and I'm talking about your powers. Oh, no, don't curse me with that. Nerd girl.

Nerd girl. Did you guys get that? Yeah, yeah. It was like such a Lord of the Rings thing. It's really difficult to not include also openly Lord of the Rings-y things in a wedding. Can I just say that? I'm trying to find a Chalas right now. I keep calling it my chalas.

And so many chalasas are like just like in Lord of the Rings. What if I don't want a Lord of the Rings chalas? A lady Galadriel over here. Oh my God, nerd boy over there. What's a chalas? Is a chalice. What do you need a chalice for you? Do it communion?

Yeah, everyone's going to get the body of Jackie, the body of Jackie. Everyone's going to come up and it's going to be, oh, it's going to be snickerdoodle cookies. No, no, no, MJ, we all know right now, specifically right now, Jackie and I are literally in a house of Satan. And Christ compels you. No, don't you bring your Christ in here. Christ compels you out of this house, Satan. I'm going to take, I'll find something to start masturbating with in here, just like in the movie. Well, there you go.

Then I'll have to ban you for my own personal TikTok. situation. That would be sexual harassed. Jackie is sexually harassed Jason Zadakas and hold the McNeely in the span of less than a week. Now they're doing more of an Indiana Jones thing. Jackie's going to walk in and be like, the penitent man must pass.

The penitent man. The penit man. Then she's going to duck and roll and all these blades are going to pop out. Can you imagine me ever ducking and rolling and ever? You imagine me, doing a somersault out of nowhere.

I think everyone would die from shock. Even MJ did this. You know how like they spend weeks and weeks with learning a choreograph dance and practicing it. Well, that's your version of that. You're just going to be practicing a simple role. So I'll be like Willie Wonka. Yeah.

Well, I'll start coming down the aisle. Oh, my God, she's old and frail. Yay. The bride is key. She's not sickly. Yay. I would love to do that. Now I wish I'd worked on that earlier.

There you go. Well, you'll see that when you come to Austin and Dallas, November 17th and 18th. Release the butth whole cut. There will be no violence, probably. But there will be singing. I can definitely guarantee you that. And I will also guarantee that we are not just, we don't just do a live show with us up on the stage with microphones. We are actually writing a full show.

Yes. So definitely come and check it out because we're putting a lot of work and rehearsal into this. I lick a blade at one point. I'm actually. That's what the chalas is for. You know, for my blood that I'm going to spray on the audience, but it won't be my blood. It will be canberry juice. Wow.

So where your plastic. Panchos. Yeah, where it come with. It's going to be a Jackie's splash zone, just like a Dollywood. And be like, watch out. What's going to get splashed? I actually am extremely excited about the show. And every time we finish our little writing meetings, I walk around with a little spring in my step,

because I'm so excited. And it's been a really long time since I did silly. stuff on stage and it's extremely fun to do silly stuff on stage. There's a reason we've been saying silly stuff into microphones for so long because once you do some silly, silly stuff on stage, you just want to keep going. I don't tell you. I feel the same way. Every time we're done with our writers meetings, I dress up like a parakeet and I walk around

Ventura attacking people. Is this so, is your head going to fall off like in dumb and dumber? Because I thought this is a dumb and dumber reference. Burr's heads are falling off. huh? Well, see you later. Samsonite. I was way off. Chris Jenner, what does she want to do with her bones after she dies? She wants her bones to be turned into jewelry for the family.

And you know what? I think it's great. Yeah, it sounds like a real jackey move. Chris Jenner reveals her dying wishes to be cremated and made into necklaces for her kids. What I really would love is for my teeth to be turned into jewelry for all of my friends. and then I would like my, like, I want my organs to be dehydrated. Don't give them to anyone that it can help people. That's not true. I'm actually an organ toner.

Thank you. Stop your applause. No, but I do want my heart to be dehydrated and turned into a powder. And then I'd like that to be put into jewels. Oh, I was going to, Jeff has to sprinkle it on his breakfast every morning until it's gone. Oh, that would be cute, M.J. Or it'll be like Willie Nelson, who does. actually want his ashes to be

sprinkled onto blunts and smoked after he dies. That's a big ask. I don't know if I want to smoke a dead person. Do you want me to smoke your ashes? I'll do it. I've accidentally smoked some gnarly shit looking for Nug and my carpet in college. I've smoked glue before accidentally for a while.

For a while I was smoking glue because I had put together a bong like the handle back together with glue and I just kept sparking the glue. Light it. I'm fine. I'm mentally, I'm fine. Yeah.

Your brain was like this before you inhaled all the glue. Right. If you think that helped. Which is good. What turned your mental health around? You don't want an accident. I huff glue from us. You get a little crazy glue.

Oh, man. You get it all sizzling. You get a spoon, I guess. I don't actually support this. I thought it tasted weird. I just really have got three cans of very strong cold brew. Yeah, I've already done two of them. I know.

What the fuck? Why are you looking at me like I'm crazy? I'm not the crazy one. It's so strong, by the way. I smoke a little glue. I drink three cold through coffees. What's the problem? I am planning a wedding.

You got three kids a close through. You're looking at me like I'm weird for saying that Starbucks makes you take a shit. Yeah. And you're looking at me weird for quoting counting crow lyrics and a negative. Writing a tour. Planning a wedding. There's just a lot of things that are happening in my life right now. And I need the fuel to get me.

where I gotta go. There you go. Spring yield coffee. We're not sponsored by that. You're drinking Kirkland cold. It's Kirkland. It's Kirkland. You're drinking Kirkland.

I was trying to help the last podcast network. You're drinking Costco. Lastpodcastnetwork.com. That's where you can go to get tickets for release the butthole cut tour. Don't miss it. Well, MJ, when you get ripped in half by a wild bear in February of 2042, what would you like for the, by the way, I just predicted your fate. What would you? I'm very scared of you now.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing with your ashes, MJ? Where do you want your ashes to go? I think this is what we should be talking about. By the way, I know you're curious, Jackie. It's going to be a heart attack in a hair salon, but I'm not going to tell you the year.

Oh, my God. Oh, no, but I only go to the hair salon like once a year, so now I'm just going to be scared. Every time I go, just like, is this going to be it? But definitely a heart attack. I knew that. I'm either going to stroke out or have a heart attack. All right. Well, that's be real here.

I'm just excited that I get to die like Archie Andrews. in Riverdale, even though the bear didn't kill him. Didn't kill him and none of the scars stayed either, literally. So my ashes, you know, I think that you got to do something funny with them. Like you got to go like pretend you're going to, you know, scatter them at sea or something, but then do like a big sneeze and accidentally blow them in someone's face. Whose face do you want your ashes to be blown into, though? Like your husband or your kid?

Like Big Lebowski or something, yeah. I think it's going to be you too. I think Gideon's got to take you two and my kids to like a beautiful sea escape and be like. So it's going to be just the four of us. Just the four of you. Yeah. My kids are going to be like, who are these people? I'm sorry, five, including you.

Yes, no, you'll also be there in spirit. It's 20 years from now. So, I mean, I'll still be pretty young. That will still be count as a tragic death to have been involved. Yeah, for sure. Certainly. Yeah. Well, I mean, anybody gets wrong.

ripped apart by a bear, I feel like it would be pretty. It's generally considered tragic. But certainly a person in their mid-50s. Leslie Jordan died this weekend. I know. I got that in the middle of the day. And I was like, a ray of light has been put out today. Like, that's all I could think.

It feels like someone who's, yeah, this doesn't happen all the time. And usually I'm very like, well, life happens. But this was one where I'm like, oh, wow, that feels like that shouldn't have happened at all. for especially 67, that's so young. I mean, you know, not as young as MJ will be. Yeah, I know, I think anytime a celebrity dies in a car accident, there's a weird, like, celebrities, they're just like us, because, like, cars are, like, the thing that I'm most afraid of in the world.

Yeah. There's just, like, a needless, like, oh, no, like, this truly didn't need to happen, you know? And Leslie Jordan also is just, like, a, the icon. of like a happy, joyful person. So it was a medical incident while in the car, by the way. So that's like, because if you see how the car crashed, it crashed into a building and I was like, how did he die from that?

But they think that it may have been something medically went wrong. And that made him cream off the road. Which is so scary for when you get older. I mean, anything would have any time. Or at any time. Anytime you're driving a car. If you're in the woods and a bear approaches and your MJ and you're 50, how old? I'll be 56 when I die by a bear.

February. Yeah, yeah. Way too young. Well, luckily I never go to the woods and I never do anything in nature. So you're laying down to die. But that just depends on if you're being a bell off or the day. You're sad about a boy. Yes.

And I am sad about Leslie Jordan because, I mean, I definitely, I know I'm not the only one, obviously, created such a parissocial relationship with him through his Instagram through quarantine. And I'd always enjoyed him on anything that I'd ever seen. but I felt like I knew him because of how I watched his Instagram stories every single day. And it put such a smile on my face. And I just, we don't always talk about every celebrity death. But I just needed to bring this one up because it really like I felt genuinely like we lost some positivity in the world. I saw a lot of people speaking out about that as well.

So this one's just a gut punch for sure. Yeah. And it's also a gut punch at the first day of when we were. Young Festival got canceled. Wow, yeah, same deal. Totally the same situation. Same kind of upset. Similar upset for everyone.

You were like, wow, of course. The win where you were young show is a total shit show. Well, first of all, it seemed like it went great the next day. And also, I think they actually avoided the shit show from what it sounds like. Because of the wins. Because they canceled it because of like really intense weather. And that seems like a very un-when-we-we-we-we-Young-fest thing to do. So I actually concede.

Oh, my God. Just remember the Fire Fest guy thing. That's my favorite thing you said this week, but we'll get to it a second. We will get to it because, of course, we all thought that when we were young festival was going to be a lot like the Fire Festival. But what I will say is I saw someone post on TikTok, someone that's working on the When We Were Young Festival, how they're actually doing it. They have a big, they're doing like a lame stage where they are setting up a full revolving stage. While one band is in the front performing, they're setting up for the next act behind it. And then they just revolve the entire stage.

stage. When I heard that, I was like, these people are the dumbest people I've ever heard of, so I cannot believe that actually worked. And it went well. It looks so smart. And it is working well. And I can't wait to hear because I'm going to ask our good friend and family member, Natalie, is going to be going to the when we were Young Festival. And I'm going to mine her for information about it. Oh, mine. And they tell me about it. Tell me about it. It is very not young anymore, older person responsible of them to cancel for high winds because in my old age, I'm scared of the wind.

And so I appreciate that the other people who were once young are also scared of the wind. Are you scared of the wind? Yes, I've had multiple family members taken by the wind. I don't know if I am scared by the wind. Are you genuinely scared by wind? Yes, I've seen. I'm scared of wind because I live in a neighborhood where, like, trees are always collapsing in the wind. wind. And also scaffolding. In New York City, it's like somebody's always being taken up with the scaffolding in the wind. So that's why I'm scared of wind. And that's why I'm the perfect age demographic for the When We Were Young Festival. Although also my problem with it is that I can't think of the name of that festival without thinking of the Adele song. And it's a totally different aesthetic vibe. It's just like a movie. I should have called it the Wind We Were Young Festival. Am I right?

Oh, and it's Olivia Miles all over. Olivia filed all over again. But the article you were talking about, Holden, is that Fire Fest, Billy McFarland, and if you remember if you saw one of, or both of the Fire Festival documentaries, one of the main reasons behind it failing

was Billy McFarland, who also went to jail for a while because of it, has been released from prison, and now wants to put up another festival, who is giving him money to do this? I guess it's a festival. I'm not actually, I don't even know. He's calling it right now, it's a treasure hunt.

It's a treasure hunt. I did call the number. Did you do it? Yeah, yeah. And unfortunately, though, it adds you immediately to like a text thing, which is this, welcome to the treasure hunt. Add your contact info to come on board. And that's the part where I was like, I actually can't move forward with this because

I refuse to give this ad by contact. email on it. Remember when Lexi added your number to the gym? I super should. You should put Lexi's number in instead. I can't believe she did that. I can't believe she did that. And then we'll do it. And then I got a follow-up text. You're going to join the ship. Once you add yourself, you will get the first clue. So you get the clue. But on the website that I sent you, it included the clue, which is just sharks swimming and a bottle underneath. I'm watching it currently. Oh, I was like, what is that sad? I thought that was on me. I was like, what is that same? It's just that. It is just hammerhead shark swimming underneath the water.

There's a bottle underneath it. And then there's a woman in a bikini. Of course. And, um... Oh! Sorry. That was me screaming because the olden started on his computer. And I got very startled.

The other day, Jeff is definitely, I have in my... I am the person that constantly, even if a Jeff is in the house, if he opens up the door too fast, I go, and he texted me the other day. He's like, Jackie, I came home early. I am downstairs because I was upstairs recording. I don't want you to be scared, but I don't want to interrupt. And of course, I didn't look at my phone. And he scared the shit out of me because I thought I heard something and I took out.

I moved my headphone and was like, I don't think I hear anything. Okay, I don't think that there's anyone here. And then I put it back. And then I swore I heard something. So I removed it again. And then I like, because I keep weapons, I keep a knife in my office. just in case. So I had the knife

and I'm like going. I'm just like, I'm home. I texted you. I told you that I was home. Dude, this, I thought I was the only one

living in a marriage where my husband is constantly surprised to see me in the house. Every, every move I make terrifies him. MJ I'm in the same boat.

I'm in the exact same boat. Lexa is just absolutely terrified at the sight of me. I'm just like, I feel like a criminal in my own home. home all the time. Apparently, I'm very soft-footed, and he can't hear me coming.

And so if I'm in any, if he's in any room and I appear in that room, he just looks over and just, it's like the life drains out of him in fear. And I'm like, do you not remember that I live here? And he's like, you need to announce yourself. So now I have to walk around my own home saying, I'm here. I'm coming into the kitchen. I am here. I exist.

I'm honestly thrilled this guy is still trying to like do stuff. I love this kind of agent of chaos because you know what? If you're going to like buy into whatever this thing is that you try next, that's on you, man. And honestly, it was kind of on you if you flew to that weird island to like do this, you know, because jaw rule, you thought like jaw rule is going to give you champagne and you were going to like bang all these like Instagram models. I just, it is so, these sorts of, what is it, is it, Shoden Freud? Shod and Freud. It's like that kind of thing I just live for.

I love it so much. I watched both of those documentaries. Uh-oh, theater girl. Uh-oh. Of course, too, that it sits in a fucking treasure hut, you know, it's like, all these people have to be like, we only do giant board games, you know, Silicon Valley people have to only behave in, like, child behavior. Right, it's just ridiculous.

And, yeah, I wish that I could move forward with this, but it's asking for all of my contact information. So I'm not going to do that. Or should you? You could. You could set up Lexi. No, because then it's on me. I just said it's on you if you're going to.

I could set up Lexi, though. But what if I just feel like you're giving your information to a vulnerable, just, yeah. Maybe this time it'll be different, Holden. Maybe he really learned. about not being a fraudster and now he'll be really get at it. This time it's ludicrous is going to be there

and what's another random? And it's ludicrous to give you money to this festival. Come on. I'm sorry, that wasn't even a good joke. That was just, it was a non-joke. But I appreciate you, M.J. for supporting me. I was doing, I was trying to channel

Statler and Waldorf in my reaction to you. Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's ludicrous. But I guess, I mean, are we going to talk about Cardi B and Madonna and Madonna just being, man, off the mark? Do you follow Madonna on TikTok? Her TikToks are, they are, I want to say if I'm getting shadow banned over here for my, I'm sorry, real band over here for my sexual harassment, I am so shocked every time I see something for Madonna come up on my TikTok for you page. just because I am, it's like looking at a lava lamp, you know? You can't look away and you don't know quite how it works. She's wearing vibrators around her necklace.

On her necklace, she's selling her own vibrators that she wears as necklaces in my brain. All I could think of is how much food I already drop on my breasts in my day-to-day life that if I had a vibrator that was on a necklace around my neck, I imagine I would get it covered in some sort of gravy or some sort of, mayo slop from a torta or something and then I'm going to put it inside of me? Very scary.

But that's not why people are talking about Madonna right now, even though she is coming out with selling her own vibrator necklaces. I think I just shadow banned you. Did you? Yeah, yeah. I think I just did it. Mentally, I just did it. Why? Because I find that you're talking about the sexual food on your breasts is

harassment. Oh, oh, my banned from the podcast. Does that mean I can Can I get back to Blading the wedding? Should I tag out? She's real dumb with this one. And I think, I don't even think she meant for it to come off how it comes off this post. So you're talking about, so Madonna celebrated the 30th anniversary of her controversial book called Sex.

And she wanted to celebrate it by saying, there were 30 years ago, I published a book called Sex. There are photos of men kissing men, women kissing women, and me. kissing everyone. Now Cardi B can sing about her wop. Kim Kardashian can grace the cover of any magazine with her naked ass and Miley Cyrus can come in like a wrecking ball. You're

welcome, bitches. And then put a clown face emoji. The clown face. I don't know if she is the problem. I don't know if she realizes the context of the clown face. Also, just basically you don't post this. You let other people post this

about you. No one doubts that Madonna is like roundbreaking. The mother of all, you know, forged this path. Of sex in pop music. Sure. Like no one, no one. Unless they're so young that they don't know about Madonna, which in which case, I don't know, I guess go to your manager and be like, I want more press about the founding role I had in 80s sexy pop music.

Fine. But it's just like, if you are the one being like, I did it. It's like, yes, Madonna. We know you did it. You don't have to come for Cardi B. Like she knows that you, she has you to think. Lady Gaga knows she has you to think. Fucking Kim Kardashian knows she has.

No one is contesting this. You can stop reminding us and you can just pull a Mariah and just revel, you know, and have some confidence in your role. You're always going to be Madonna. Like, yes, you're aging and that's terrifying to you. And you're not like the sex goddess that you were literally 30 years ago. But like, you're always. you can just sit back and be like, I did it.

Like, imagine if, like, all the other founding figures of pop music, like, imagine, I don't know, like, if. Share. Yeah, Sher would never. Arretha Franklin. Share said it would be all in caps. You would never do this without me. Like, no one needs the real founding divas to do that. Yeah, exactly.

Or you just, you let someone else, that's grace, right? That's handling things with grace. You let someone else celebrate. And I think plenty of people have already said as much and will say as much. When she dies in 2037. No, I don't like your cousins. For me. Yeah.

Oh, my God. You'll be around for it. Well, she... But she... But she... But not Jackie. But she... I know exactly what she said.

And I understand. But it's all about the tone. Yeah. Calling me bitches and putting clown emojis. The fuck! So Cardi B got immediately pissed off. Yeah, she's right. Cardi's right.

She's right. Yeah, Cardi is right. If somebody sent a message about, posted a message that referenced me and then ended it with bitches and then a cloud emoji, I'd be like, what the fuck did I do to you? Well, also, even more so because Cardi B is like, it's more so because of her respect for Madonna, because I don't think she'd even give a fuck if it was like somebody she didn't give a shit about, but she was like, you're Madonna, you mean a lot to me. You are like, you know, this sucks.

Why you called me a cloud, Madonna? Yeah, and that's what happened. So they eventually, they talked, they ended up talking on the phone. And I will say, if there is a way to apologize to a person, good on Madonna for whoever, and whoever set it up, that Madonna called her on the phone to apologize. That's how you apologize. That is how you directly apologize to a person, not via Twitter. I love the fact that Madonna called her on the phone.

And then Cardi B came out and said, I talked to Madonna. It was beautiful. Have a great day and drive safe. The y'all. She said, my feelings were a little hurt because to me, Madonna is not no regular. artist, she's actually somebody that I really look up to. And I appreciate the fact that like, yeah, of course that was Cardi B's reaction because this is Madonna saying these things.

I genuinely think she didn't, I personally think she didn't realize what the clown. I don't, yeah. Maybe she thought it was like the L.O.L. Just kidding. Yes. Yeah. I think she thought it was like kind of to, you're welcome bitches. And then to undercut that.

Yeah. Like, it's like the wink face or whatever. Or like even the cry laughing would have been a little bit more disarming. But like the clown is so aggressive. Like I think it's like I'm clowning. But unfortunately like the clown emoji has already been associated with like showing someone's ass to them. Like you're saying you're a clown. You're a joke.

You know, so if anybody says something really obnoxious on Twitter, let's say or something like that, people will like throw the clown emoji at them being like you're a fucking clown. So I just don't see how like she. would have meant to do that. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Like, why would she be that angry at them? If you're still famous and you're, you know, I mean, I know that I'm going to be misusing emojis already and certainly up until my death at 56 in the woods.

Just stay out of the woods. What a way to go out, though. What a way to go out. Yeah, it's a good way for sure. Oh, yeah. When everyone's just like, well, she died like she lived. screaming while getting attacked by a pair. Oh, yeah, you know, MJ's always going into the forest.

But I guess we're always having celebrity conspiracies, though, right? Hey, is it time? Oh, my God, it's super time. Yeah, yeah, I've been really waiting. Oh, we were talking about the story. All right. Oh, yeah. Hit me with the share.

Do you believe it? Did Tay plan to come out in 2019? That's right. This is for all the gaylers. Gaylars. Uh-oh. This one comes in from Stephen who writes, Hi, y'all. Book thief here. Hey, book thief.

So good. I just didn't, I gloss past that one. So Book Thief is a great member of our Twitch community. I first saw this conspiracy theory on TikTok, but when I went back to find the video, it had vanished into the ether. So here's a live journal summary instead. Links to the live journal, but they do a great job of summing it all up. A staffer at an LGBTQ nonprofit in NYC heard from their boss that Taylor Swift was going to come out as bisexual at the store.

Stonewall Inn for Pride in 2019. She commissioned a rainbow dress from season four project runway winner, Christian Suriano, for the occasion. And if you remember, she did perform at the Stonewall Inns, the slight sort of tracks. As per usual, Scooter Braun decided to ruin her moment by announcing that he had acquired Swift's master tapes that same month. Even though Swift was heavily promoting her first brawnless album lover and its lead singer, you need to calm down, which is full on famous drag queens and L.

LGBT celebrities. At the time, she knew her coming out would increase sales of her past albums. She opted at the last minute not to come out after all, so as to prevent Braun from capitalizing from it. Again, really good theory. It was a bit of a three-dimensional chess. Yes, which actually is like a really good explanation for why she decided not to at the end of the day, I think. Still, she ended up performing at Stonewall anyway, even though she was criticized to the straight person for encroaching on gay space. The Siri, oh, I remember that. I remember the shit out of that. The Seriano dress would still see the light of Dave, only worn by Billy Porter. However, upon closer inspection of the dress, it does appear as if it was built for a smaller tailor-sized individual. There's also a nude panel that indicates it was made for someone with a lighter tailor-colored skin tone.

Siriano hasn't explicitly confirmed this, though he did duet a video on TikTok of someone explaining this theory while he sipped tea standing in front of the dress. Ooh, that's about as close to a confirmation as you can get. Once Swift re-recorded her first six albums, she may finally feel comfortable coming out, and we can finally see if those Carly Clause rumors are true after all. P.S., a bought VIP tickets to your L.A. show. I'm super excited to meet you on person. Yeah, did.

And get the MIPA. Tickets. Last Podcast Network.com. Austin, Dallas, violence-free, November 17th and 18th. I was woefully not. clued into the Gaylor conspiracy theory until recently when I met and went out for karaoke with a group of not only just diehard Taylor Swift fans, but also, you know, they are queer Taylor Swift fans who believe nothing stronger in their hearts than that Taylor Swift is also

queer. And I have found myself living for this conspiracy and feeling also even more, my feelings about Taylor's said before were neutral positive and now the needle is leaning much towards enthusiastic positive and so I yeah you know but it's but this is an interesting one like you're going to not come out for years just so that that guy can't get more money off you but I guess that makes sense I guess that's calculated and that I mean I almost want to say

vindictive I mean she has whole songs you know karma she calls out Scooter Braun still in this album talking about getting turned into the FBI and mentioning the divorce. I mean, she is like out for blood. So I actually, that is, that is, she's so calculated with that kind of stuff that that is, I'm totally. Snake Island.

That's what tracks. She is Snake Island. Yeah, absolutely. And I love her for it. I guess my only complaint about that is that wouldn't the incredible good that could come of her coming out, you know, in terms of visibility and representation and young people seeing themselves at her and all that, wouldn't that outweigh the vindictive win

that she is getting against Scooter Braun, but I guess we gotta let Taylor make her... But she's still... She can still do it eventually. She just needs to record these albums first, you know what I mean? So I think that's why it's like, weigh that out, and if you weigh it out, like, oh, well, I'll just wait, and then this guy gets fucked

and I get to have my moment and, like, both get to happen. So you think that she's going to come out when all of her, the other... albums are released outside of scooter bronze control. I think, I mean, that's what this theory is saying. And I would love for that to, even just, I thought about UMJ and your friends. And I, you know, even just for the galers of the world. Yeah.

I hope that's the case. But also it's got to be, it's difficult enough to come out publicly. And the fact that like all this pressure from people to come out has got to be a lot. to fucking deal with. That's true. I feel like that would also be the kind of thing of like, maybe I don't want to give this part of me, even though you're right.

It could help someone in like with the visibility. That's true. You're right. That's not, I'm thinking personally. Yeah, you're right. So people can only come out for themselves. They can't come out.

I'm right. You know what I mean? And I feel like, so maybe it's like, so whenever she decides to come out, go for her if that is something that she's going to do. But I do think that like, part of the like, I like the phenomenon

because it feels like her fans really respect Taylor Swift. And I think that that's awesome because she does put a lot of work into the way that she builds her releases, even with Midnights, where she released part of the tracks and then hours later released the rest of the music

as I don't even know why she did that. Why did she do that? Because it's kind of like the thing she was doing with the In the Vault stuff for like Red and all of her re-releases and even folklore got like extra songs. She just did it really quickly, which was cool.

But it's because like the album And that's what I really appreciate about her a lot, actually, is that, like, she makes albums. And, you know, in a world where most people make singles these days, you know, for that, like, Spotify playlist or whatever. And she's very album-focused, like, that is incredibly important to her, like, what the order of things and what's on the album. So technically, the album is those 13 songs. And then the 3 a.m. edition. And I do agree that those extra seven songs, there's some really strong stuff there. but are they like this cohesive, you know, are the experience?

Yeah, and I love that because I'm an album person. I want your album. I want your highly curated. This is what I'm trying to tell you with this one specific piece of music. It's a time capsule. It's, you know, it's all of those things. So I like the idea that it's like, no, Midnights is these 13 songs and then these are extra songs. We're like attacking them on because I just didn't want to wait.

And she's really good. She's a really, I always say she's just like a really great artist to be a fan of because she's always giving you more than you expect, right? And that's like such a treat, you know, much less. I don't really care about the Easter eggs and clues and stuff, really, but it's fun, right? It's still for a lot of people, like Mr. Firefest over here, right? I'm excited to hear his album after the treasure hunt is finally revealed. So funny, man, this fucking guy.

Well, there you go. There you have it. Oh, so I guess we believe. And also I guess it's time for the list. Oh! Who's on the list? Jay! Gotta have that list.

The real life origins of movie monsters. Uh-oh. It's spooky time. And lots of these we know, but I think it's always just fun. Maybe that's just because I've been in a real vampire place lately between working on the show and also watching interview with a vampire. But this immediately was just like, oh, I want to talk about Dracul. General vampire mythology may predate him, but Vlad the impaler was literally called Dracula,

meaning son of the dragon in Latin, and it would be hard for Bram Stoker to claim parallel thinking there. He may not have had an actual immortal blood sucker, but as the ruler of what is now part of Romania, he sure did shed a lot of it, and he did kind of give off a little bit of a dracool kind of vibe. But I will tell you what is the name of, I just realized this. His name is Vlad the Impaler. Yeah, I was like, why does he need another nickname? Vlad the Impalor is pretty strong. Pretty strong.

But, you know, when someone's that horrible, I guess you just start adding new ones. Like, asshole, I'm sure, was probably in there as well because he was a real jerk. I think he wasn't a goodman. I think he was a badman. And also just the general idea of zombies. Where did that come from? probably because dogs used to partially dig up buried corpses and then get bored and wander off,

giving the appearance of a body rising from the grave. Oh, my God. Which is that, I think that's why I picked this list because it's like, you see that horrifying? That is. Just thinking of dogs. One of my favorite facts about dogs is like, it's kind of the same thing as like when you die,

your cattle definitely eat you. With dogs, like squeaky toys are literally exists because, like, they sound like dying animals that they're killing and to eat. Oh, my God. That's fun. That's what squeaky toys are. So we think they're like, so cute, all, you know, Chuckie likes his little squeaky, you know, squeaky goose or whatever it is because he thinks he's, like, killing a cute, a tiny goose. Yeah.

We're just shaking it to death. Yeah. And it's going like, help me. Like, every time you hear those squeaks, that's like, it's getting off on, like, that thing screaming for its life. Yeah. it's just part of their nature. And I mean, also part of this zombie conversation is that in colonial Haiti, voodoo priests use drugs to make their victims appear dead enough to bury to be dug up shortly after,

then to keep them docile enough to work on sugar plantations. And this also gives me, have you guys ever seen the serpent and the rainbow? I know what you're talking about. Oh, my God, the West Craven movie that's got Bill Pullman in it. And he's like an anthropologist. and I think he goes to Haiti to just to talk about this specific drug. It's a genuinely, it still holds, it is very scary. It's a very, I watched it like five years ago and it still like creeps me the fuck out.

And so the idea of zombies also came from that. Hmm. What about the concept of werewolves? Goes back to the epic of Gilgamesh. But there was a time when people thought that they were real. Though death attributed to werewolves was usually the work of perfectly, human serial killers who were more than happy to have a mythical full guy, but I'm not too familiar with Gilgamesh,

but I feel like every time it comes up, I'm like, should I be reading? Should I read the epic of Gilgamesh? Because it sounds very interesting. Bump, bum, what about mummies? Mommies are real. But the 1922 opening of- Yeah, the mummies are just real. Yeah, like, mummies, originated in HD-J.

Yeah, they're just mommies. The 1922 opening of King Tut's tomb was a particularly big story, especially after the people involved in the expedition started dying, giving rise to rumors of a curse. It turns out that he didn't die in any statistically significant numbers, but it was enough for Universal to turn it into a monster movie. And that, that part of it, I did not know. That is interesting. I didn't realize that. I just assumed they just on their, just as is, they're creepy, right? So I would just assume immediately, even in Egypt, they'd be like, ah, they come up to life.

You know what you mean? Yes. Or Frankenstein's monsters. So Mary Shelley used to apparently go to the science shows that were popular at the time where performers used electricity to move the limbs of animal carcasses. And that, again, the idea of going to a show to watch a performer, one thing we will not be doing on stage at the Release the Butthole Cut tour is electrifying dead animals to make them seem alive.

Not even cats? No, not even cats, but we will sing a little bit of cats. Don't worry. Unless you hate that idea, then we won't be doing that. Yes, then we will do whatever you want to say. Jaws was inspired by real-life series of shark attacks in New Jersey in 1916. Also something that I did not know. Would we call Jaws a Halloween movie?

It's a horror movie for sure. It's definitely a horror movie. And last but not least, the blob. Of all the movies to be based on a true story, a blob of moving purple goo really was reported to have fallen from the sky in Philadelphia in 1950. Unfortunately, when one of the witnesses touched it, it vanished. So no one could examine it further. Hell yeah.

It sounds like bullshit, but this sort of thing actually happens all the time, and no one can tell what it is. Theories have ranged from melted meteorites to regurgitated frogs. corpses, which is probably less appealing than a man-eating alien. And I mean, we all go back to, was it vomit gate, back where Henry used to live, when I used to live with them, and I would walk Wendy. And there was what seemed like because Wendy, oh, she wanted to eat that vomit. And so Henry thought that there was actually like slime and goo coming from the ground,

but I think that it was just throw up. Kind of remind me of the Montauk Monster as well. Oh, are you talking about it? You're smiling as if you're talking about your penis. No. The Montauk Monster, the creepy animal corpse that I feel like this was a fun time in the internet. But yeah, that animal corpse that watched up and nobody could figure out what type of animal was. Oh, yeah, I remember the Montauk Monster.

Yeah, that was fun. Did he ever figure it out? I think it was just like a raccoon or something. Oh, man. It's just skull and bones. The new unsolved mysteries, there's new unsolved mysteries and I burned through them. Are you pro them? Yeah.

I have absolutely, my skepticism is gone. The only thing I want is that I want it to be more like the original. There's been zero updates so far, which is very unlike the original. They just straight up solved all those mysteries. But I guess it was different then because everybody was sitting down and watching Unsolved Mysteries on their prime time television. And calling the hotlines and stuff. the hotlines. Nothing been solved yet,

but there was an old unsolved mysteries about a mysterious gelatinous goo falling from the sky that is really one of my faves, yeah. It all comes full circle. That is my list for you guys. Love it. Love it so much.

I've lost my sight. That's right. I think I'm going. Blind. Items. Oh, we can't see them. This north of the border, one hit wonder, aside,

I fucking hate this. This person's being referred to as a one hit one. They're not a one-hit wonder. They put out amazing albums. This north of the border one-hit wonder says a married bachelor has been stalking her and even threatened to kill her at one point. Carly Ray Jepson. Yes, I can't believe she's being referred to as a one-hit wonder in these blinds.

Everyone go listen to the album's emotion, dedicated, and the new one, the loneliest time. They are all banger pop albums. She's so much more than Call Me Maybe. In fact, that is the one song she has to do at every one of her concerts that I'm kind of like, whatever. I sing along or whatever, but I'm like, that's not, ooh, she has so many good albums. Check out emotion for starters. All right. But still, a guy from The Bachelor who's married has been stalking her and even threatened to kill her at one point.

Protect how you know this, MJ. Did you know about the Bachelor connection? Or did you just think that because she was called a one-hit wonder, that's how you know. And I was complaining about it. That's how you know. MJ? Wait. Can we break you?

Have we broken you? I don't understand. Did we, how did you know it was Carly Ray Jepson was Jagans' question? Oh, no, I just could tell because of Holden's anger at her being called the one-hit wonder and her being Canadian. It blows my mind that people don't realize she's had this insanely good career after Call Me Maybe. Like, you just put out an incredible album, unfortunately the same day the Midnights came out. But yeah, man, that's crazy. I couldn't track down.

The article attached was like all these different bachelor couples from the TV show. They were all going to Coachella. But even that, I was like many of them were married. So I was like, I can't really narrow this to any one person. Okay. Based on the clue that the blind gave. Okay. That's interesting.

Okay. All right. Here we go. Blind number two. The choice of a color by the A plus list singer is definitely her trolling people who know most of her boyfriends have been closeted. Tate. Tate.

Do you know what song they're referring to? No, I couldn't. Lavender Hayes. Right, Taylor Swift. From an interview, apparently the colored lavender is associated with LGBTQ plus. Is that? I mean, purple.

Purple is gay. Yeah. Okay, yeah. From an interview, that's the... Oh, we all remember the tinky-winky-winky conspiracies. Oh, my God. I gotta do that one. I can't believe I have.

I haven't done that one yet for celebrity conspiracy. But yes, this is what she has to say about the song Lavender Hayes. That's the opener on Midnights. I happened upon the phrase Lavender Hayes when I was watching Mad Men. I looked it up because I thought it sounded cool. And it turns out that it's a common phrase used in the 50s where they would describe being in love. If you were in the lavender haze, then that meant that you were in that all-encompassing love glow. And I thought that was really beautiful.

I guess theoretically, when you're in the lavender haze, you'll do anything to stay there. and not let people bring you down off of that cloud. I think a lot of people have to deal with this now, not just public figures, because we live in the era of social media. If the world finds out that you're in love with somebody, they're going to weigh in on it. We've had to dodge weird rumors, tabloid stuff,

and we just ignore it. This song is sort of about the act of ignoring that stuff to protect the real stuff. Whoa. Which is kind of funny, because then it's like ignoring the rumors that she's gay and stuff. So it's actually the opposite is what she's saying. Well, because also, I mean, the lyrics,

I've been under scrutiny, you handle it beautifully. All this shit is new to me does sound like which of all of this, especially the Gaylor conspiracy theories, it does sound like this is something that, oh, her past exes that have been closeted, oh, this is something that

she is struggling with. Yeah. So I can see. But again, it's so crazy. Like what other like diehard fans, because she does leave these clues in all of her music, they just scour everything she puts out. I couldn't handle that kind of pressure. Yeah. I couldn't handle that.

Yeah, that would be really hard. It's weird. Like I said, I know this sounds ridiculous. It's kind of a lot to be a fan. Like when she puts an album out, I have to like wade through a sea of, I mean, there's people who are nice, but there's so many people are really mean, like really mean. You know what I mean? Like just the shit they say it's so condescending and dismissive about like just a person who's music you like it's so i don't know i've never i don't not since i was like a a grunge kid in middle school have i felt the way it seems like some people feel about her me her and her music you know what i mean where i'm like it's a sign of you being like a piece of she like even if you're into fucking maroon five go for it bro i don't know whatever fucking licks your candle you know what i mean

whatever sucks off your candle until it's melting i'm always sucking on those candles too. It's a problem. I just lick them till their only wick. I'm in the beautiful. That's why we call you Jackie Wick. Oh my God, I wish. Except don't come after my animals if I had one. Well, that dog's squeaky toy is a dead animal.

Gotta keep them entertained. Mommies. Zombies. All right, here we go. The final blind of the day. Apparently, it was the actress slash director who hired the gossip dishing employee. She had her start immediately and never got around to having her sign in NDA.

More like Olivia Miles. Yeah. Right. And Natal Nanny. And you know what? After she posted that fucking dressing recipe, I believe it. I think she is playing everybody like a fiddle with this stuff being like it's about me movie.

You know how little, could you imagine how little people would be talking about that fucking movie if any of this was. I thought and I immediately forgot. Right. Completely forgot about it. I existed. Right. Okay.

And Jay. Uh. Unbelievable. Yeah, Olivia, Wild, do you need to calm down. Yes. Oh, my God. It's day day. Watermelon sugar.

Don't bring care of you to this. That'd have been funny if it was like, I put some sugar in some watermel. Like if that was the dressing, you know what I mean? It should have been a watermelon dressing. That would have been. Or at least a watermelon salad, you know. Sure, delightful. Put some mint in some feta.

And it's always great poupon. And it's always great poupon in the vinaigret. No, that's just like a, it's the extra thing. The mustard usually you use. Oh, there is a mustard. Yeah, you put a mustard. Yeah. Gotcha.

Interesting. I mean, I really want some right now. So that's the only thing I'm conflicted with is that like it does, it does sound like a delicious dressing. It's great. It's just, it is the base. It would be like, it would be like if you made, I don't even know what's the comparison. Like if you make a fucking mac and cheese with just, and it's like, oh, oh, my mac and cheese, I use butter, flour and milk and I stir it together. to make a rue.

And it's like, yeah, that's what you have to do. Like, you wouldn't even be making. They make a special grilled cheese. It's like, yeah, I put mayonnaise on. It's just, you know, it's like the thing if you just Googled grilled cheese, it would immediately pop up. And also in the same where it's like, it could very easily be like a Greek vinaigrette if she had added literally anything out, like put some garlic in, it puts some S&P in there,

put a little bit of oregano in there. Wow, then it's okay. It's a step up. Why do I feel like we're going to get a Paul Newman style? Olivia Wilde dressing line in like a month. I can't. I'll be talking about it on this very show.

If she gets a fucking salad dressing. Deal. I can see. Hey. Welcome back, Holden. Thank you. Welcome back. Thank you.

And thank you guys so much for joining us today on page seven. We can see you on tour in Austin. Oh. And Chicago, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, D.C., Philly, Brooklyn, L.A. and San Francisco. Oh my God, you're getting so good at naming the cities. Wow.

Very good. Yeah, we're especially pushing this. It's right around the corner. The Austin and Dallas show 17th and 18th of November. And, yeah, it's going to be, it's there will be safety there. There will be officers to keep everyone in line. Yeah. We'll say things like it'll be off the chain.

So if that excites you, then you should come to it. But there won't be actual chains there to inflict violence. would be, it'll be chainless. Just for like more menacing. Yeah, yeah. We'll have like rubber props to menace, but we won't actually be inflicting, I promise. And we'll have like our Sky Kid wallet chain that we always.

Yeah, we might have. Obviously. I'm going to be coming right off of the when we were young fast. Yeah. Yeah. And we can't wait to meet you guys out there on tour. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm.

You can follow us on TikTok unless I'm making more sexual harassment TikToks. over a page 7 LPN TikTok, still very upset about it. And you can come hang out with me, probably not for the next week or so, because I got to go get, like, married and stuff. But other times, you totally come hang out with Twitch.combe forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie on Sundays and Tuesdays. And we have a blast.

All right. Yeah, check me out Twitch.combe forward slash holdenators. Oh, I do streams now Monday through Friday, including Jack and with the Holdies every Friday. Come check that out. I believe, yeah, we're just about to do the last one for a minuteo here. So definitely be there for this week's. Twitch on TV forward slash Holden later so.

Also, Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast and free M-Effing episodes, y'all. Thank you for not cursing, Holden, because I have to take down your TikTok. Right. Please, yeah. And if you'd like to get sexually harassed. over on TikTok. Yeah, check us out, page seven podcast over on Patreon

ad-free episodes. Also, so much weekly content, it's kind of ridiculous. I saw someone comment the other day, like best bang for my buck on Patreon I've ever seen is the page seven podcast Patreon because there is such a ridiculous

wealth of content. Not only coming out every week, but now if you get in, there's a backlog of all of Twilight, let's say, being read to you and all this kind of stuff. And being read to you, I will also say we are in the second book of the Ice Planet Barbarian series, and it is so much better than the first book.

Oh, my God, Rahash is like totally such a broody boy, and they totally are going to have like a beauty in the beast thing where it's like, they hate each other, but also like they jerk off in front of each other. Wow. Strumming. Tenticles and all sorts of things going on there. So yeah, check that out. And for $10, you can join us on Discord every Thursday watching Jersey short.

I mean, it's such a great snar. M.J. What about you? My name is M.J. I'm on the talks at the pages of an LPN TikTok. I'm talking. I'm not sexually harassing Jason Sadega. You're not sexually harassing anybody, MJ.

Yes. Yes. But I'm also on Instagram at MJKLCat. And I cannot wait to see you guys on our tour. Tour. And now it's time for the shout-out song. Oh, shout. Shout, let it all out.

These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're going to read them to you. Come on. It's time for the shout-outs. It's time for the shout-outs. Can I just say shout-out to AARP for some reason who welcomed us into AARP on page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

I think that it was just a spam thing, but I will say, I was just like, am I already? Am I that old? Come on. I'm not an AARP yet, please. But AARP seems to think, page 7 podcast at gmail.com needs to be enrolled. And maybe we should be. Maybe I'm missing out on great coupons. Anyway, thank you guys so much for sending in your amazing shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

That is 7 the number. And it is time, it is time to start with a shout-outs. First shout-out goes out to Ginny. Oh, no, I'm so sorry. Ginny says I am writing and to say a quick thank you. I am currently on day four of isolation with COVID. Yeah, I wait until now to get COVID for the first time. I have my two little ones and my husband in the house, but I can't see them.

So to stop myself from feeling sad every time I hear them, I cranked page 7, and I feel like I'm having my own COVID-slash- Snake Island. party. Thanks for keeping me company. I just realized I've been listening to page seven for almost eight years. Oh, gee, baby. And I love how I've grown up with you all. Jackie, have the most amazing wedding. Oh, thank you. Holden. Keep being the oozing Lizard King. And MJ, you are forever parenting and footwear goals. Don't you dare tell them that? Please bring the show to Canada. I will personally show you around and force all my friends to come. Ginny, I would love to in a damn heartbeat. You are the best and feel better, Jenny.

And I have a beautiful little shout out going out to Jay. Can I just say thank you so much for the hot dog taco love? Jay, this damn taco sounds amazing. Jay says I was catching anniversary dinner with my Mr. Puk Pocket at a taco place. Also happy anniversary, Jay. And we just found this randomly. We looked at the menu in my eyes immediately found a Nathan's hot dog taco. Don't worry, I got it.

And I sent you a picture. I ain't soupin you. Y'all, they were not souping me. This, Nathan's hot dog taco, it might sound disgusting. But he looked unbelievable. Thank you so much, Jay, for thinking of me. Another shout-out goes out to the Janester, which Jane, I finally know how to say your Twitch name.

Jane says, I'm sorry, this is so long, but you're welcome for me not sending one of these after I hear each episode, I love synchronosities. They're basically my love language. Synchronicities? I said synchronosities. It's synchronicities. For example, I'm listening to current episodes of page seven while also catching up on old episodes.

I started a few months ago. My Spotify Rewind or whatever is going to be very page seven heavy. Hell yeah. Anyways, two-ish years ago, you started out the episode singing That Thing You Do, which happens to be a core memory of mine at my third, grade birthday party, getting the cassette soundtrack of, and I still sing it in my car at least once a month or so.

Then that day, I decided to watch the White Lotus show because Jennifer Coolidge is in it, and imagine my surprise when the day I hear you declare your undying love for Steve's on, but he's in the damn show, and oh my God, Jennifer Coolidge is unbelievable in it. Anyways, I'm finally going to watch Cats, unbelievable, and which I've seen the musical VHS of so many times since I was in sixth grade that I still know all the dance moves of, and I did the naming of cats in my sixth grade poetry show, but I've never seen the movie, even though I've listened to your episodes about it every year. And you're going to watch it this Thanksgiving with my sister, the first of which will share together in over 10 years. My only question to her

was, do you want to get drunk and watch cats? The podcast I love keeps shouting at me too, and she's like, hell yeah, so we're going to do that, and I'm so psyched, dude, Janester, I can't I can't wait to hear what you think about it. Welcome to Twitch. So happy that you came to start hunging out. Hanging out with us. So happy you came to start hunging out with us, Janester. And I also am again, sorry that I keep saying your name wrong.

And Janester ends with saying, you are a goddamn gift to the world, all of you. And I appreciate you for your realness, even when it's not April and your love of Muppets Christmas and Christmas music and scary movies. And I can't wait for Riverdale to return, hopefully without a terrible wig for Archie. Oh my God, you know this is going to be.

Didn't he just shave his head? Anyway, thank you so much. So much love goes out to you, Janester. And last but certainly not least, we've got a shout out going out to Kevin. Also, Kevin just say, I just want to say thank you so much. Because Kevin started with Jackie. Look at you.

You're doing great. Getting married. Good for all. Love you so much, Kevin. Kevin says I'm turning 30 on October 30th. My wife calls this the golden birthday. I've always been a big fan of birthdays and having a birthday right before the best holiday is just too, too fun. But this year, it feels especially special.

I made it to third. Coming up out of an abusive childhood, I spent most of my life just trying not to kill myself. And as I sit here on the edge of my 20s, I can't believe I've made it this far alive and reasonably well-adjusted. Not only that, but I work a dream job this year that let me give a Halloween lecture on the history. of horror movies, and I have an incredibly smart, sassy, beautiful wife. She's been an incredible partner the last few years, and unfortunately, an incredible nurse as we've worked together to fight mysterious and disruptive chronic pain that has frequently landed me in the stupid hospital. I knew she was the one when I was sitting at work one day eating a

lunch she had made for me, because Pop-Tarts aren't real food, whatever that means, and a coworker asked me if I made it. When I said my girlfriend had, and they said that was nice of her, I said, yeah, nobody's ever loved me this much. And I was like, fuck, we should get married. This year, she's making me a birthday cake shaped like a brain and tolerating my constant barrage of Halloween excitement and spooky movies. And I just couldn't be more grateful to her and her little dog, too. Anyways, I'm just so surprised and so glad that I made it here. Can I just say, Kevin, I'm so fucking glad you made it here too.

I'm so happy for you and I'm so proud of you. Hell yeah. Thank you for sharing this. And Kevin goes on to say, thank you for all the work you put into the podcast. I save page seven every week for when I need to do work around the house and my body inevitably won't allow me to. The energy and chaos of page seven helps me at least be able to contribute enough

to quill the loud voice of chronic illness that says you aren't doing enough. And by the way, you suck. Would you don't, Kevin? You're the best. Thank you to MJ for the all too relatable voice of an intelligence. sane person doing all they can to keep from screaming about how ridiculous and unfair. Everything is all the time. And thank you for Holden for being a living example of growing up and learning without

losing your sense of humor. His adventures in daddness and breast milk are inspiring and I can't wait to hear more. Whatever, Holden, bless your little heart, Kevin. And hail Satan, hail you for sure. And happy fucking Halloween to you, Kevin. And also Jack Century on Twitch, I hope that you come and hang out with us. and I hope that we can be friends. And I think that that sounds the best,

and I'm so happy for you. And happy birthday, baby. I hope that it's amazing. And everybody else, I love you so much. Deal with High School Musical 2 next week. I am sorry in advance. Holden is forcing us to take in all of the high school musical 2.

And hopefully we will meet you out there on the road for the release the butthole cut tour. Just ate up last podcast network.com. for tickets and information over there. I love you guys so much. I gotta go get married, but I'll be back as a wife in a couple of weeks. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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