Page 7 - Ep. 471: Meesa Got A Hole I Need Plugging

Episode Date: November 11, 2022

This week we're joined by Jake Young (Wizard and the Bruiser, PuppetJared) and we're gossin' 'bout the finer points of Mr. Peanut, T H I C C Thor, the mess that is Twitter, who's the Jar Jar Binks of what, the best and worst of celeb Halloween 2022, the tragic passing of Aaron Carter, Selena Gomez feuding with Francia Raisa, Philly's biggest hero, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Kylie Jenner's Baby Doesn't HAVE A NAME?!? Da List, Blindz & shoutzzzz! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm MJ. And I'm Holden from the Page 7 podcast, and we're going on tour! That's right, we're touring all up in this mother freaking country. A fake cursing so whatever, Jackie. Just say the filthy F word already. And we will say the filthy F word when we come to your town. That's right.

We're coming to Texas, the Midwest, the Northeast, and then right back here in Cali, baby. For ticket links and more details, visit lastpodcastnetwork.com. That's right, Last Podcast Network.com. H. 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present. Release the butthole cut. Wait, that's really what we're calling the tour? Absolutely. Release the butthole cut.

For more information, go to lastpodcast network.com. Wait, does that mean you're going to sing too, Holden? Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby. And I'm a monster on the hill. Stop talking about the Irish. slowly lurching toward your favorite city. Perceived through the, appears through the heart but never killed.

Did you hear my covert narcissism disguises altruism? I'm the kind of congressmen. We know. We know the song you're singing. It's me. I'm the problem. It's me. Yeah.

Have you been on TikTok? Time. Yes. Every bot or gris. I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror. It must be exhausted. Exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero. You're so, oh, you're such an anti-hero.

I'm such an anti-hero. I was called the Jar-Jar Binks of podcasting by an anonymous Twitter user last week, okay? I think I am the anti-hero. It makes a lot of sense because there is a small subject of people, me, who loves Jar J-Jar-Binks, but that's because me is a hater of sorts. Yeah, Yusa. Me so horny. Horny.

Time. Right, right. Holden is hosting page 7 today, and I hate it already. Taylor Swift's Eres Tour. Let's talk about it first story of the week. She's going on her eras tour. Jake is in voice jail. You need to sign.

I refuse to introduce Jake until you agree both of you to sign up as a verified fan to help me get tickets for various T-Swift shows, okay? Can I sign up with Lexi's telephone number instead like Lexi did with you at the gym? I love it. I love this. I'll never let her live it down, but I love that you also, I feel like, will never let her live it down.

It's so bad. No, you guys don't understand. MJ is COVID. MJ is COVID. So much is happening right now. Jackie's married. Jackie's a bridewife. I have a husband.

I have an absolute big, thick husband. I am a Mrs. now. I am definitely, I know that you guys are curious. Yes, I am taking his last name, but don't worry. I'm still going to go by Jackie Zabrowski. I know you're curious. Okay.

His last name is Adams. How do we not become the Adams family? Jackie Adams is great. It sounds good. Jackie Adams. And also, yes, M.J. is deathly, not deathly ill. She's fine.

They're fine. They're fine. They're fine. I'm going to go step back. And of course, I wouldn't say mortally sick, but, you know, feeling a little rough around the edges. And so to replace from Wisdom the Brewster podcast or it's a really good podcast. We have Jake.

I have a Jar Jar Binks on that podcast. Podcasts the right. There's Georgia Paints on this podcast. If you want to hear it like that. Hi, it's me, the Jimmy Smiths of podcasting. Oh my God. My mother. He loves Jimmy Smiths.

Who is Jimmy Sitt? Who is Ant-Smitz? From NYPD Blue. Holden, where'd you brain? I'm sorry. He's Princess Leia's dad? Yeah, he's dreamy. He's dreaming.

I just know him from NYPD Blue. Welcome, Jake. Jake is sitting in because, you know, the four of us. Hell, we're all going on tour soon. Release the Butthole Cut Tour is coming to a town near you very soon. And, you know, I wanted to do a little bit of a, because I did the episode of Harry Potter with you guys. And now, Jake, welcome to page seven.

How do you feel talking about celebrity gossip? Well, first of all, let me just say, I love how much I definitely know the names of all these celebrities that I'm reading about in these stories. I'm definitely well-connected and definitely keeping up with current culture. I don't spend half of my day going over old video game magazines

from the 1990s because I've locked myself into a podcast format that requires meticulous research. I mean, you can at least hopefully speak towards, we're going to touch on the Twitter drums today. I think you're pretty active on there, Jake Young. I mean, by active, you mean insufferably addicted to it, then yes, yes. I need to know why it matters. Have you ever wondered if a 38-year-old white man has opinions about the Democrats?

Find out on my Twitter page. Especially after these voting days. I'm curious, though, is Jake, is Twitter the only platform that you're, like, vicious about? I just, okay, all right, here's how it works. We, I think I speak for as an elder millennial. Whoa. Twitter was one of the OGs. I could tell by your walking stick and your old. It was the TikTok. Monicle? Are you Mr. Peanut? I am not Mr. Peanut. The elder millennial, Mr. Peanut, absolutely.

Oh, Titi, Tite, Tate, that was not. Mr. Peanut is definitely not Irish. What? Why can't he be? No way. Top hats are not Irish. Yeah, just in general. I did the top hat motion, though, and no one saw it.

No, no, no. You walk into Mr. Peanut and he's just like, hmm, charm to meet you, madam. Fun fact, I can kill several babies through to allergies. Oh, just like interview with the vampire. So Mr. Peanut is like Lestat. I will say that. He's ageless.

He's sexual. He has wealth and mysteries that you cannot be in. What would you do with that cane? What would you do with that cane? He's a big nut. I mean, he himself is a fat nut. So, yeah, I totally get it. You're saying all of this, and I still have this picture.

So, okay, Jake and Holden were talking about God of War. Ragnarok and I don't care, until Jake sent me a picture of what Thor looks like in God of War Ragnarok. Please take a moment, look up a picture of what Thor from God of War Ragnarok. Ouga! I just have this picture up. I can barely focus on what you guys are saying. Because why would you do this to me, Jake?

You can't make me this horny right before. I don't know what to do with us. I just thought you would appreciate that in this game, they turned Thor into what I would call Mama Mia, that's a spicy Swedish meatball. No, that is a big old thick daddy. All right, please don't desecrate my video game, Jackie. I'm just trying to enjoy it on a... What she's appreciating the art form of gaming by describing what she would do to this

fictional round-bearded man. And I will ask consent before I... From the digital man? Yes. Digital man, mayest I. I imagine. That's what he sounds like. That's apparently that.

That was surprisingly accurate. The guy that left Apple because, was it Apple, I think, because he was like, firmly believes they have sentient AI. No, Google. It was a Google. Google. The guy left Google because he firmly believes they have sentient AI. It was, the main crux of that was they were, the AI apparently told the guy, I want,

you can do whatever you want with me, but I need you to ask at least for my consent. And so, and he took that to the higher ups. And they were like, no, we don't ask these bitch-ass robots for, Always ask for consent. It doesn't matter if it's a robo. These little slutty robots. You want a matrix? This is how you get a matrix.

Exactly. You're just asking for a big old matrix over here. That's your attitude. This is why I thank my Roomba. When the Roomba comes out to do the Roomba, I say, hey, Rumba. I say, good morning, Roomba. Thank you so much Roomba for doing this. And every time I go, hey, Google, and I say put on the living room lights,

I say, thank you, Google. And they never respond. Right. I just want them to know, I am a friend. You'll be spared. You'll be spared. for sure. No, I still use them.

They'll blow, like, Jeff's brains out, but then they'll put the gun on you and then, like, drop it. My husband, no! Yes, your husband will be killed by a robot. 27, because I'm predicting deaths again. Oh, my God, it's just like the midnight club. Yeah.

It's not, we're talking about that. It's not talking TV, Jackie. We're talking about the midnight club yet. I've run the article zero. Let's get back to the Twitter thing. Holden is in charge of this. Ooh, click, click, click, click, click, Hensis today.

Why are you insisting on throwing it off? I mean, this is insane. It's already so much. Jake, you were saying as an elder of millennial on Twitter, and then we started talking about Mr. P. Oh, so that's what I understood online to be. Like on Twitter, it's like old-style internet. You're barely a real person.

You barely post photos. You're just a floating snarky consciousness. And you're just like arguing with people and floating from topic to topic. So how do you feel about comedy being legal now? Yeah. Don't, don't. Well, okay, let's get into it. Finally, we can make jokes again.

I mean, how funny. What, what was it we couldn't make jokes about? Yeah, what can we make jokes about? What was it? It's a parody. I want everyone to know I'm making a parody right now. Oh, there's no Irish happening. Irish aren't even on Twitter.

They give them to you. It's a parody. Elon knows. Everyone knows the Irish aren't even on Twitter. Okay, they've been found, they're back a little ways over there. The Scots are, and they are amazing on Twitter. And they're really good at it. Yeah, yeah.

Once you can decipher what they're saying and their brogue accents or whatever it is. The Scots are great at three things. Pale foods that are full of salt. Love them. They're great at it. Steam engine maintenance. That's just something we've learned. And Twitter.

These are the three things. And Twitter. They're really good at Twitter. The pillars on which Scottish culture rests upon. So, yeah, it's been kind of a crazy, you know, if you're not on Twitter, it's a weird place to be right now. I mean, especially to, the elections are always going to kind of make it weird.

And then that's just perfect, weird timing coincidence, along with Elon fully taking over Twitter, a bunch of laying off a ton of people. Totally. And then, yeah, immediately one of the first things he wrote is comedy is now, what was it? Comedy is now legal on Twitter. And then everyone just started, like,

changing their name to Elon Musk and even changing picture to him. And because he essentially, he's devaluing the verification system. It's just so, and today, actually, they added the new verification thing. So I, yeah, let's try to work through this, walk through this. There's so much happening. It's, it's a breakneck speed to. Yeah.

So, like, it's one thing for, this happens all the time. A blog you like, switches owners. Right. You know, Instagram was bought out by Facebook. Bezos bot Twitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All this stuff happens. And then, but, like.

Jeff Bezos didn't start like streaming with XQC. Yeah. Like Mark Zuckerberg didn't start posting thirst traps. Like, but Elon Musk is like a one man. It's because nobody wanted them. Let's be fair. Who wants a thirst trap from Mark Zuckerberg? I mean, he's a surfer.

There are some very upsetting people that are like, ooh, I love the way he doesn't blink. And a world where a lot of people are all horned up over Jeffrey Dahmer these days, I'll believe anything at this point. These should be looking at pictures of God of War, Ragged on Thor! Absolutely. So, number one, he's like, that's right, comedy is legal.

The free speech has returned to Twitter, never elucidating what were the things that people couldn't say on Twitter that you can now. He starts, like, immediately just throwing out balls to the wall ideas on how to make money, including giving everyone who pays $20

the verified check mark. And then Stephen King's shadow over the... This is just so... I feel like I've been the wrong timeline. He immediately backs down, it's like, what about $8? How about $8? Two, in response to Stephen King, be like,

I'll never fucking give you $20 to prove that I'm Stephen King or whatever the fuck you're trying to do right now. And he was like, oh, come on. Stephen, what about $8? What about $8? Is that better? To a point where, when does it,

Okay, but when does the trolling in and him being just like, oh, bad at this guy begin? I think it's already happened. I think that, like, I think the trolling is going to continue. Isn't that all Twitter is? As someone that is not on Twitter,

isn't that all Twitter is anymore? He's the kind of guy, but his trolling, because he's the kind of guy, like, he's a troll. But I can't decipher when he's like, I'm like, you must be showing your ass on purpose right now to like fuck with everybody, right? Because no one just shows their ass like this. willingly.

No, he's a, okay, he's an aging gen Xer, which is its own generational tragedy in of itself. It's like, it's like your best for, it's like your friend's cool older brother that was in a band and you looked up to you because you thought he was the most rad person on earth. And then you like, you wanted to have sex with. Yeah. What was his name, Jackie? What was his name? Oh. And then you come home from college.

And it turns out he's Corey and I was in love with him. Tori is such the name of that guy. Corey is absolutely. Wait, Corey. Corey is the name of that guy too. Corey's a little on the nose. Could we go with Tori? Could we like change that to Torres?

Yeah, but he was like when he was funny. Oh my God, I just like give him just the smile on my face. He played the bass. You're a married taken. Oh my God, I'm so married right now. So then you come back from college and Corey is working like the diet pill kiosk at the mall.

Sorry, Jeff. I hate this look. I hate this look on you. So he wants, so like the double-edged sword of Twitter is like, you can, it's the lowest effort to validation social media platform because you don't have to frame a photo. You don't have to edit a TikTok. You don't have to do anything. You can literally just be like puppies good.

And then a million strangers will say, yay, you or whatever. But also, conversely, a million people can just, strange. up to your face be like, puppy is not good. Oh, wow. So you hate cats or even just like worse, like, hey, even though you have lived your entire life to be protected from the consequences of your actions, nothing is stopping me from telling you to go fuck yourself, even though you are a million times. Yeah, or hey, you're the Jar Jar Jar being some puppy lovers.

Oh, hold that. I would say thank you. Oh, you mean I'm unique? You mean I'm one of a kind? to thank you so much. I was Georgia. Thanks. You mean I'm a technical achievement

in virtual acting in movies? I appreciate you. All right, you guys are making me feel better. You're the Ahmed best at podcasting. I guess I'll unblock that guy because I guess he was being polite to me. Yeah, I think he was being polite.

I think I was no profile picture. And a username that consists of mostly of numbers. I think you should just get off Twitter. I really think the answer to all of this, even with all the Kathy, I love the Kathy Griffin, acting like her went on her as her dead mother. She was

one of many. There were so many people impersonating him. She was one of them and she wasn't even going as hard I feel like as so many other people but just like just to be the most hypocritical in the most hypocritical move after saying comedy's legal on Twitter he bans her

for making fun of him which is for being a comedian. Not only that but like all these people are just proving why the verification system is necessary. Yes. Is important, is so important. Like, because if we can all just change our, if we can pay $8 and then change,

you know, Jake can pay $8, change his name to, you know, Jarger Pigs of Comedy, Holda McNeely, right? Or whatever. Why would I want to be that? Because, Jake, then you can fuck with me. And then he can go around. I want George,

oh my God, what if it was Jake? Jake, can you call him to Jarger Bings of Podcasting? No, I genuinely find Holden to be a funny and dynamic personality, both off the mic and on. Yeah, I'm going to secretly start having problems with you now, but that's interesting. Go to Twitch.compet Jared, by the way.

You're saying this about the verification system. But look at the TSA pre-check line. Can we please? Every time I'm just like, I feel like the smartest person of the world, I'm like, I've got the pre-check. How does everyone not have the pre-check? You know why? Because the pre-check, you got to go and do the thing.

And you have to go do it. And it's not even that difficult, but you got to go do it. And I think that that actually really will keep a good barrier of things because the TSA pre-check line is still always short. But like, you know, it's like the $8 a month thing is, in my opinion, only complete dickheads will choose to pay $8 a month to have a dumb checkmark next to their name. So it just invites, I think, the worst kind of people, people who, you know, invest in crypto and like, you know, that they have an NFT. 10 years ago because all I wanted, I still want the damn blue check and they won't give me a blue check anywhere. And now it doesn't mean anything, Jackie.

It means that, well, so literally today, the day of recording. Yeah. So everybody who is verified, which in a lot of ways, it's the access to all these noteworthy personalities, whether that's celebrities or journalists or, you know, comedy accounts or gossip accounts, like all these people were like, it is a genuine, necessary thing to prevent people from defaming me. from scamming people, like, what is your answer to this? And so they introduced the official label today. Yes, you can go on there and see this right now. It just says underneath their name. It doesn't say it on their tweets like next to their name.

They're rolling it out. Yeah, yeah. Okay. But it just, it's this weird. It's like the fine print, though. It's like tiny and it says official with a little different type of checkmark. But it's on a separate line. Yeah.

So you're posted if you are, if you are an official. tagged post, you get even more space dead. Like, in terms of raw pixel count, there is more stuff on the screen to differentiate you from the masses than there was before they implemented this. Now making the official tag the thing that makes you part of the elite. It's so weird. It is a shit show on there right now. It is so bizarre.

And just to give you an example, we vaguely mention it, but I will just say after Kathy Griffin got banned, she went back on using her dead mother's account to continue to fuck with Elon Musk, which is complete, which is, it's, it's just, that's the landscape right now. Every time I'm taking a shit and I go on that fucking app, I see bizarre just car crash shit happening. It is so, and Elon Musk just in the cut with it. Yeah. Like just, he's like, he's like, pulling another Kanye where it's like, bro, you should just like stop.

Oh, and then he like was like, vote Republican. I was just like, what are you fucking doing right now? You just talked about how you just tweet about how Twitter needs to be like politically neutral and shit and like anyone run anyways. So we can move on. The last thing on top of all this is, uh, but all the fucking thing, Elon pulled the refuge of the damned, which was after stumble fucking fucking and bumble-dicking his way through an entire week of poor decisions, just smugly posts like, hey, traffic. on Twitter's gone up like a jibity billion percent since I've started. Because everybody's fucking making fun of you. It's like you can't just like crash your car on the side of a highway.

And everybody's looking at me. As you're being pulled out of the wreck, it's be like, got your attention, didn't I? Oh, God. Great analogy. Well, I'll tell you what. I don't know about you guys, but it's getting wormy in here. It's getting wormy in here. Don't you have no fear?

Fear's the mind killer, Jackie. It's not interesting. Okay, with your nerd. She's the shy halloo. That's right. We're talking about Heidi Klum, I'm so sad we couldn't go to the party this year because she maybe did one of my favorite things I've ever seen when it comes to Halloween or anything. She dressed up as a giant disgusting earthworm or rainworm, I guess.

And if you guys have not looked up how they made this costume. Unbelievable. And how intensive this was. I can only, like, you read about how, like, Jim Carrey had to undergo therapy to get past, like, being put into the garage costume over and over again every day. I know that it was only for, like, an hour, but still, for 11 hours of set up to be put into a worm costume. And then you're in it because they have to, like, spray paint it around you while you're inside of said costume. that's a long time. Now,

it is ridiculous. Yeah. Would you still love me if I was a worm? Sure. I mean, I thought you were a worm. What? So yeah. Aw.

I got arms and the worm. I thought they were weird worm. Just yesterday you were like, hey, Jake, I love the way your two functioning legs were. You said that to me. And now you're throwing this worm. I was very uncomfortable by it. But, you know, I say, I say God bless it. And I also think that, um,

I love that Heidi always does fun off-the-wall things. And I love when asked why she did it. And she was just like, I wanted to do something that nobody else would do. I wanted to be a worm. That's why. I wanted to be random. What are you doing right down there? Oh, I'm just worming around.

Just later. Just how calm she is talking, especially when she's like, I'm really claustrophobic right now. But she's like doing it so calmly. Well, you know, I like to say like, because I follow her on Instagram. and stuff, and it's really true. I mean, she looks absolutely stunning. 364 days a year. And I just love that she also, one day a year, is like mortifyingly disgusting.

And this is the best way possible. It's just such an insane concept. I do wish it was more Dune related, but whatever. It's more of a fisherman thing because her husband. Well, her husband dressed as a fisherman. Yeah. Husband? Husband. Yes.

They married. Yeah, they seem so sweet. and follow on Instagram. They seem like so cute. I know. I think it's so, I think it's just so fun for someone that is just so hot.

Yes. To, to want to. And then do you see the, the videos of her dancing with Questlove DJing? Yes. And she's in the worm costume.

It's really good. That is one of my favorite videos ever. It's her. And Questlove is clearly like cracking his shit up. Of course. Because it's so silly. And she's like just, Dancing next to him in the Warp costume at the DJ booth.

And you have to look up this video. It is so damn funny. I just love choices like these. It's a completely crazy choice. It was just totally exactly what she said. Outside of the box completely and just disgusting and so weird. And I just love it, love it. This also was like a big, because she's been doing this for years.

Like a year after year, she did the Jessica Rabbit. She did the zombie. We got to go. We got to go. We got to go for the creepy alien one. she did, which was insane. Oh my God, it was so cool. But it wasn't making headlines like it used to. She needed to up the game and she delivered. And that is like under, you know, it takes, it takes a lot of effort after like people kind of, you know, figured out your stick to how do you push it to that next level and like the eye ball. Like no longer humanoid at all. All, all those things were humanoid, right? I mean, and the old lady was great, you know, but this is just, I mean, she looks just grotesque. I just can't get enough of it. And her smile.

the whole time is so funny. She looks like fucking pizza the hut or some shit with the way the face. Oh my God, yes. You know what I mean? And it's so great. You know what I mean? And it's so great. Yeah, and drop dead Fred when he slams his face against the inside of the fridge.

I think about Drop Dead Fred. Probably way more than a person should. Oh, for sure. You bring it up. I mean, you bring up as much as we both bring up Mr. Holland's opus. It's like no one wants to know that. It means asshole. It means asshole.

Nobody cares about Mr. Holland's Opis, Holden. And I don't know why. Beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful. beautiful Jackie Adams. Thank you very much. Wow. Except for professionally. Then it's Zabowski.

Except for professionally, then you could still call me Jackie Spruosky. If you want to book her on a movie or show, I'll be Jackie, thank you very much. So you're telling me in the green room on our upcoming tour that you can get tickets to it. The release of the bottle of God tour. If you go to Last Podcast Network.com. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a whole bit written about Princess Zelda's hot step mom, Judy.

It's going to kill. Can I be that? I mean, well, it's going to, can you bring a Nintendo Switch? Oh, man, I have every game for it. Can I be, can I kiss Thor? Yeah, of course. Can Jeff be dressed as Thor? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You got to plump them up, though. You got to plump them up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm doing my best. I'm over here. I'm feeding him ziti. Ooh, mama.

I'm doing everything I can. Billy Eilich's boyfriend's feeding her because they, did a creepy gross thing that I think is so disgusting. She dressed up like a baby, which I saw the picture of that and I was like, ew, already. And I didn't even know the context. He dressed up like an old man and they were like poking fun at their 11 year age gap. Because he's what, 30 something. And she's 31.

And she's 21. And she's a hard 31. I'm just going to, he's already got that. Keith Richards kind of like. You're telling me, Billy Eilish can't even legally drink yet in America. That is so crazy. to me. That is insane. So yeah, that's gross. Look up the pictures. It seems like they were even kind of like a little ashamed because there's not like a good clear like red carpet picture of this,

by the way. It's like these weird little Instagram like kind of paparazzi style of sneak shots. It's almost as if hear me out and this is going to sound crazy. This is going to sound wacky. But it's almost as if she kind of is just uses him as a way to rebel and feel independent her circus of handlers. Yes. And so when he was like, won't this piss everybody off? She was like, oh, boy. And then as soon as they were out in the world, she was like, oh, this is a mistake.

I think I might have been manipulated. I know I shouldn't care about what Phineas, her older brother, thinks about this. But as someone that does also work, you know, I really, I obviously identify with Billy and Phineas Ilish. Of course. We are very, very similar. I've always said you're the Billy Elish of the network. Thank you very.

Henry is the Phineas, for sure. I can only imagine if I had done this when I was 20. And now we all know, Henry is, he's a protective older brother, but also that's what you get when you have a boss that's also your older brother. And if I showed up doing this when I was 20, I think that Jeff would have had whomever I was dating physically removed. Like, I think he'd be like, you're not, I think he would, he would, Romeo and Juliet us.

Right. I'm just like, you will not see this person anymore. No, it's done. I can't imagine. I think you meant to say Henry and you said Jeff instead. Oh, no, my husband. Yes, dude. My brother.

You want to fuck your brother. You want to start your brother. I married my brother. What am I going to do? Why did anyone stop me? Got her. Why was Henry the efficient? I thought he was going to be the groom.

Oh, no. Maybe they switched places I married my brother, but he's already married. Technically, I watched Sister Wives. I know that he can't do that. Married, not married. He is Shakespearean. And everyone's always said that Henry is the King Lear of the network. Absolutely.

And then, oh, man, he comes out in all of his robes and remember. Holden, does that make you the Caliban? Is that? I'm, yeah, I believe I'm the Caliban. Wait, are we, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're King Learin at you right now, bra. I don't know that one well enough. Yeah, we're doing King Lee.

I don't even know the cast names of the characters. Did you say cats? Oh, well. It's so clever as magic. Mr. Henry Suprosky. Release the butthole cut tour. Go to last podcast network.com for tickets.

Oh, what? Release that butt. But ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Wait, can we just talk about real fast, though? Because I know that we're talking about Billy Elish and Jesse Rutherford. Then they also showed up the next day, which I did look up this Gucci, the Gucci blanket that they were wearing with their peaches underneath. It was. I didn't include.

honestly because when I look more into it, it was a bedtime, like, bedclothes themed. Yeah, yeah. It was a fancy job. So it wasn't like they just, if they had just showed up randomly in a giant blanket and, and. No, I was actually going to say, I think they look really good. Yeah, it is cool. Yeah. I think it's actually a lot of fun showing up on the blanket.

Just cozy too. Just nice and cozy the whole night. Just draped in a big blanket. Yeah, but she's still wearing big shoes. I would be like, girl, that's, if you're going to a Pages party, we're flats. Right, right, right. Ages party. Well, I mean...

It's the whole deal, the whole grossness about it is, it is like, nobody here is, like, actually saying that the U.S. government should legally decide, like, how, like, two people should be in a relationship. But specifically, this exact scenario with, like, a younger famous person. Yeah. Like, who's desperate for, like, any kind of, like, independence just kind of just immediately latches onto the first, like, older man that, like, gets enough face time with her. to be like, man, you should just do whatever the fuck you want.

Like, it's just, it's a story, you know, that's been told a million times before. And women that then grow up and like look back on relationships like that go, like, oh, I was completely clouded by like what he represented. He was manipulating me. He like literally had 11 key developmental years ahead of me and knew exactly how to just like. Are you talking about Twilight right now? A little bit. A little bit.

A hundred. and she is 16. Nobody had any problems with it though because he looked at you. A lot of people had problems with it. I was there. Not a one person. Nobody, everyone was just like,

yay for their love, everyone. Although he was very controlling and it was problematic and in multiple ways, Jake, go listen over to the Twilight audiobooks I did over an hour page seven Patreon. Please. There you have it.

It's the difference between just kind of like doing it and just being like, what are you going to, like, just kind of a tacit, what are you going to do about it? and then, but instead, the baby old man thing, just being like, yeah, that's right. You think I'm making a huge mistake, don't you?

Yeah, I'm gonna fuck this baby. That's when it's just in, yeah, with the dipey, it's a lot. But that's the thing, without the old man, that makes it so out of the park disgusting. It was already creep me out just the burp being a baby. I was like, why are you doing, why would that be the choice? Yeah, that like, blog-bill style, like, not dressed like, oh, I'm dressed in like like 1940 Shirley Temple like go go go go go

little baby like shit. Yes. I think, yeah, I just want to throw up. Anything involving babies or daughters or anything like that. It just, I, now I just want to puke all over my pants and my shoes. But you love the song Butterfly Kisses. I don't understand you. Well, yeah, I like to, you know, I like to go on.

Put little white flowers all up in her hair. Sometimes I like to lightly jog. right? I like to lightly jog through the neighborhood. What's a good pace for that? What's a good? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. It just gets the blood flung.

It's the knees at the perfect arch. At the beer time, braille. Yeah. It just keeps the perfect pace. I'm not a fast jogger. I'm a light jogger, so it works perfect. Also, I got this. Just like Christmas shoes, which is just around the corner.

Of course, Butterfly Kisses in Christmas shoes, the original title of our tour, but now release the butthole. I would, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's still rough. It's still rough, but having done a lot of promo and like reaching out to independent like, uh, weeklies to promote the show, I would feel more comfortable inviting them out to the butter, butter like, kisses. That's way worse. And Christmas shoes tour.

Well, of course, you also have many different celebrities dressing up in fun costumes because they have so much money. And then you watch, you look at all their costumes, be like, oh, I wish next year maybe I'll have enough money to arbitrarily spend it on a one night of costuming. I will say, though, shout-outs to your girls over on Riverdale. I do think that that hocus-pocus-killed it. They look amazing. Lily Reinhardt posted a picture of our three faves from Riverdale posing as the hocus-pocus ladies,

like the sexy versions, even sexier versions of the hocus-pocus ladies. And sometimes that does not go well with me. And sometimes it's just damn beautiful. I think that they did a great job. They pull off, I'll say more than most, they pull off the sexy version of the thing. Like when they did Powerpuff girls, I was like, oh, I didn't know I was into it like that.

Then how did you feel about Kendall Jenner? What about Kendall Jenner from Toy Story being Jesse from Toy Story? Yeah, that's a great example of me going, ew, that's gross. I think it's an O for me, dog. She's a little girl doll. And she's wearing assless chaps. And she's got janties on. Remember the janties face?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's we, I don't. Jake, did you ever partake in janties? No, no. I stuck mostly to jorts and jipris. Ah, I love your, your jam diggers, too. Yeah.

I also love the comparison. And my jolots? Come on. The chelots were a nice. Well, I can't say that, but you can't. What? I love the comparison to... Wait, wait, what's wrong with a nice, crisp, expensive jewelots?

All right, please, people. The comparison of the Lizzo Marge versus the Cardi B March. Talking about sexy versus just comedy. Yes. I can't believe they both win as Marge, by the way. I just assume there's some celebrity, like, message system where they go, hey, are you doing fucking March this year? Because I don't want to be Marge this year.

I mean, especially because Cardi B is like, wow. What is happening? Talk about another one. I actually kind of love her. I love Cardi B's version of Marge because it's so preposterous that I think it makes it fun. Have you been on the internet? My entire adult life, I will say that is in fact a very common interpretation of March Simpson. And my personal.

Oh, yes. Have you seen this Braytel? That too. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I love her, her Marge as well. That's why I almost feel bad for Lizzo because it's kind of more of a traditional, like, write up the line Halloween gods do. But she did great.

I will say in Cardi B's Instagram posts 7.2 million likes, good for her. There's a lot of like heavily photoshopped, heavily staged pictures, which side note, I do not enjoy the professionally shot Instagram celebrity Halloween photo. Yeah, like also, what's her name? Kindle also has the like Toy Story background.

It's like common now. If you have a certain amount of cloud, you almost have to do a staged photo shoot of your costume. But the real test of a Halloween costume, I feel, this is old, listen, finally, finally an old Jewish man gets to ramble on page seven. The true test of Halloween costume is how it actually reads in like the real world, in a weird indoor space. So I appreciate that Cardi B's set ends with a video of her doing her strut in a normal-ass hallway.

And she lets out a pretty goddamn accurate Julie Kavner March Boys. Yes, she does. And another one that I think that did not get out of the park in committing to the bit and not needing the background was a one Paris Hilton. Yes. She killed a sexy sailor moon. And I really, she killed that. And her man was the, what's his name? The guy with the mask, the, the, the, uh, I mean, you're asking the rye boy.

You got to the mask. Are you talking about tuxedo mask? Yes, tuxedo mask. Yeah. Her man was tuxedo mask. The mask man. They look at, they look absolutely stunning. And, uh, yeah, I love, I love that.

Uh, Janelle Monet as the freaky alien diva from, from fifth element, amazing. Like the costume she was born to do. Yes. Yes. Yeah, there's great looks for sure. I think those are the main ones. I mean, whatever, I guess ourena grande or whatever did Jennifer Coolidge and everybody loves it. And she's like, blah.

Or whatever, but she's whatever, Jackie. So isn't that fucking fun? Yeah, I guess. There's another fucking sad news, too, because someone's death tried to overshadow my wedding. Yes. I remember that, too. I was a witch told me somebody's death was going to try to overshadow your wedding. And luckily it didn't happen.

No, but yeah, I'm so sad to see, too, so young, 34, Aaron Carter passed away, and I cried watching the Backstreet Boys tribute. I also cried watching the Backstreet Boys tribute, even though he did say that he was 43 and not 34. Yes, he did do that at these days. When he said he was 43, I was like, he was 43. Also, if you listen to, he goes dead at 43, and I think you can kind of hear most of the people in the crowd going like, he was 34. Like, you kind of hear like at upper reach like, Marty. You know what he mean? Yeah.

But also you're up there and you're emotional. I mean, things happen. It's just an age. But really, really. Tragic. Yeah. It's a very, it's a tragic story. And it is just one of those.

Like, we watched, we watched it in something that we've seen so many times before of a child singer or actor who was never taken care of properly. and never got the help that he really needed. And that's why, you know, going back to Jeanette McCurdy's book, I'm glad my mom died, you know, for someone to come out of that and get that, actually figure out how to get the help they need and, like, really pursue therapy very actively and work through it. I mean, it is miraculous to do that.

Most people are going to go the way of Aaron, and because everything is working against your recovering from all of that trauma and everything. And I just think it's just another one of those scenarios. Just very, very sad. I don't think anybody's, you know, at least he was like, and I will say too, you know, as a person who does the blind items every week, I mean, he was always in there with, but it was, you know, I never tried to pull things that are too sad or that are too expletive of addiction.

Yeah, yeah. You needed help. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So it just. But you can't get, you can't force someone to get help. You will have to want it and have to be able to overcome. your addictions and it's so fucking difficult to do and especially when you are surrounded by yes people and it seems like towards the end I mean he didn't seem like he was surrounded by yes

people for quite some time because he's had quite a decline but I think that we just as a community are always hoping he's gonna turn it around like always turn around and and it's tragic yeah for sure and that's why I surround myself with no boys I hired a bunch of boys They live here and that. Yeah, and just everything I'm like, I think I'm your work wife. Exactly. It's like, I think it might be fun to go maybe to the park today. No.

No. Yeah, should I get milk or should I get orange juice at this? Yeah, exactly. And it humbles me for sure. I know that it humbles you. Can I just also say that you did say that there was some sort of protective spell over my wedding weekend. I just want to bring up real fast that during the ceremony, it started to like prickles of rain.

And I don't remember doing this. but apparently I looked out of the audience and I went, it's not happening. And then we continued with the ceremony and the rain stopped. It perfectly pulled down. I, the sweatiest guy you know, I didn't get sweaty at all during the ceremony. That little bit of like driblets cooled the ceremony down perfectly

because I think my biggest worry was overheating and being just a mess outside in that floor to heat. It was it was miraculous, the whole thing. It was a miracle. So much of that weekend, but then everybody got sick. So then there's that about it. That's what happens whenever everyone is traveling for a wedding. She's a witch, not a doctor, Holden.

What do you want from her? I know, there's only so much I can do. Well, we've got to get to the celebrity conspiracy, but I do want to wrap up a couple things. I mean, first of all, who's got the beef? Selena Gomez and her kidney donor. Oh, God. This is.

So, so I will say this. At first I was more on Selena's side, But then I realized like, man, you should never be that publicly a dick to the person who saved your life by giving you a kidney. I don't know. What if the person who gave you a kidney and saved your life is being kind of a weirdo about it. Also, though, how many times in your life have you just said an offhanded comment that you're just like, oh, I didn't mean it like that? Well, how many times am I literally like, everything's bad this week? And it's like, well, except for that and except for that.

You know what I mean? It's just sometimes you just so everyone knows we're talking about Selena Gomez and, Francia Reisa, who gave Selena Gomez, there's a whole documentary coming out about it, gave her a kidney, and then Selena Gomez said about Taylor Swift, that Taylor Swift was her only friend in the industry. Yeah.

And so, of course, the person who gave her a kidney was like, um, interesting. Yeah. Your only friend in the industry. And, um, so that is what we were talking about. And Francia, she's an actress. Yeah, for something. And so I think, and then,

people were being like, well, I think she meant like the music industry and like not just all of entertainment, which is what I mean, it's, but we're splitting hairs at that point, right? I think it just comes to. I know, I think the interesting angle. I think the interesting angle is that in this upcoming documentary, apparently the who's, wow, even I don't even, I don't even remember. Okay, Francia doesn't get mentioned by name as the kidney donor. It's just kind of like, and then this happened and then I got better or something like that.

weird lady B word woman gave you know what you mean or yeah some like that gave me a kidney If you are a actor that like one of your friends that you came up with is like now a global superstar and you're like you know and they need a kidney and you happen to be a donor and you see

all these goddamn fucking red cinema 8K cameras around you you're expecting a little bit of a bump you get a little bit of a thank you bump you should get a right if I'm getting a kidney I want a bump Or at least, I think it just comes down. I think the weird part for me is Selena being like, well, sorry I didn't mention everybody on like a comment on social media. It's like, she gave you kidney.

You want to just like pick up the phone and fucking give her a call? Why are we doing? Why are we dragging socially the woman who saved your life? That's where I got to go like, that's a little weird and flip it for the person who saved your life. I mean, Selena Gomez was probably had a line out the door of people offering kidneys. They're like, oh, take mine. Mine's extra juicy. Please, Selena.

Please. But also for Francie to get that offended. I mean, I, you know, I think it's ridiculous, but. If I give you a kidney hold in every morning, I want you to call me on the phone. And I'm like, Henry is my only friend. Yeah, Henry's my only friend. Henry's my only friend in the podcast industry because I'm church of her. Are you fucking kidney?

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? All right. We're going to do the celebrity conspiracy, but I have to really quickly bring up the man who ate 40 rotisserie chickens in 40 days. who again, like the worm, Friday Kloom, it seems to be completely arbitrary,

but all of Philadelphia is celebrating him because that's how bad it is there that this is what they, you know, anything. They got a big boy John. We're going there on the release the bottle control. I heard that place is a shit a show. The only problem with Liberty Bell, more like Liberty Hell.

That's the only problem. I stepped on that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought you're going to say Liberty Smells, but either way, shout-outs to Alexander Tomensky for eating an entire rotissory chicken 40 days in a row and ensuring his place in history as the Philadelphia Chicken Man. We believe in you.

We love you. Just stay away from the Portuguese. My favorite bit of trivia from that is the Penn State Seismograph registered the moment he finished the chicken because the audience exploded that hard. in joy and celebration. All right, y'all. It's time for the celebrity conspiracy. Hit me with the share.

Do you believe it? Kylie Jenner's baby doesn't have a name. Whoa. The new one? Whatever. Who cares? Wait. This one comes in from Abby.

Whatever. Is she like a weird Kabbalah person? There's like a Jewish thing where you like don't give a kid a name after a certain set of days in order to like trick the angel of death. It's very superstitious. There you go. That's, there you go, Kanye. This one comes in from I don't know, he's anti-Semite. I don't know, very publicly so lately. One guy really doesn't like them. One guy really hates it. Anyways, this one comes in from Abby who writes, hi, Holden. I know you guys hate the Kardashians. I don't necessarily, I don't know, they're whatever, but figured this was worth a shot because it's ridiculous. Does Kylie's baby have a

name. As far as the public can tell, no. On 2-22, Kylie Jenner had a baby boy, so I guess it's the new one, and announced with a post on Instagram captioned Wolf Webster. Within a few weeks, the caption changed to a blue heart with his birth date. Kylie stated that they felt pressure to choose a name at the hospital and didn't feel like it fit, so they were changing his name. But did she reveal the new name? Nope. Eight months later, we are still waiting, but some other statements Kylie has made reveal that the child may still be nameless. Kylie revealed that baby daddy, Travis Scott, still changes his mind sometimes.

She said, he will be like, I really like this name. I'm like, we can't do this again. That's your mistress's name. Adam Levine call back. Oh, call back. We do know that they have not legally changed the name from Wolf, and she joked that they are waiting

for the baby to speak to choose a name for himself. But is that part of the Kabbala thing, Jake? No, no, no, that's a peekaboo street thing. Remember famous Olympian. Okay, Picaboo Street. Yeah, Picaboo Street. I love that shit. But has she been giving us hints all along?

An Instagram post with a sign that says, Welcome Home. Is his name Home? Wow. Another with a caption, Love like a sunset. Is it sunset? A post with her...

No, no. None of those, Abby. A post with her daughter. Sorry, Abby. A post with her daughter. The caption, Just Me, Storm and Coconut. Traveling the world. One might think she's referencing the My Little Pony, her daughter is holding, but is she?

Yes, she most certainly is. She recently hinted on the James Corden show that the baby was not named after another animal, but did Chloe's daughter true? That's the name of Chloe's daughter's name, reveal on a recent episode of the Kardashians that she did stick with the weather theme. Put on your coats because after first child stormy, this one might be snowy. Hope you have a great week. Thank you, Abby. I love the ridiculous dedication to this conspiracy theory to a point that I think I have to believe it. I am amazed.

The sad thing about it is I'm like, it can't be sunset, get real, but it's like, oh, wait, no, actually they were going to name. Stormy, their first child's name is Stormy. Wolf and Stormy and, yeah, exactly. And True. Wolf and Stormy actually is a fun, like, twin dudes. I think it's cute. I think it should be like. based on Heidi Clem's costume,

call her Wormy. I think that'd be a great name. Wormy Jenner. Oh, Wormy Jenner would actually be really cute. That's making a black sheep for the family, though, for sure. You're not going to not have... Why is Worming always in the secret basement with all of those beakers and, you know what you mean?

Wormy. Wormy's seen a worm. Wormy, wormy, fuck you, wormy. You know what I'm all the kids of the school? We're making fun now in 22 years. We're going to be like, oh my God, have you seen the new eyeshadow, palette dirt by wormy it's gonna be it's gonna be dirt by wormy is great uh do you believe jac i i i inherently do not trust anybody who is that good at social media about anything i think they're just building

narratives building mystique it's just another thing for the talk show serious i'm sure that kid's name is glenda or something real dumb and boring uh is glenda dumb and boring yeah i kind of also love Yeah, I kind of like Glinda, Glinda, Glinda, Glinda. If it's Glenda, Glenda, Glenda. Glenda is what I wanted to be. Oh, yeah, that'll be real good for the airplane tickets. Uh-oh, you fuckers. I think it's time for the list.

Who's on the list? Jackie? Gotta have that list. Do you want me to read the list? I don't know. Why do you want to do? I'll do it. What do you want to do?

Oh, my God. This is so all over the, I don't know how to live if living is without you. Yeah, I'll tell you why, give me a breather. You take the list. But also, I did fail to mention that Justin Bieber was scared of his neighbor, Judge Judy. And so would ask his security people to let him know whenever she was outside so he could avoid her. Because she went up at the height of his Bieberness and actually was like, you're being very foolish, young man. I saw you on the news.

You got to cut that up. What she said was being a celebrity is a gift. You can either treat it reverently or you can make a fool. out of yourself. And he's doing a very good job of making a fool out of himself. And if Judge Judy said that about me, I would be terrified of me. Yes, I would be hiding for sure. Being a celebrity is a gift for Judge Judy because she was a judge lady that got a TV

show. Justin Bieber was just dollar signs in the eyes of every adult who met him when he was eight. You know how much money Judge Judy has. Judge Judy has so much. It's syndication. It's syndication money, bitch. Jake, you bring up such a good.

point though. I mean, it's, it's totally the difference to getting really famous at a really young age and getting really famous at like the proper much older age. Like, it's awesome to get really famous when you're much older because you know yourself and like, you know what I mean? You've kind of built up these relationships and things that you can rely on and, you know, nobody should be famous before age 47. I'm going to say it right now. There you go. Or, and if you, and if it, if you do get famous before that age, you have to dress up as a baby for Halloween every year. So you go. Oh, Misa, diaper, fool.

Oh, my God, it's Charger-Bix baby. Okay, Jackie, Halloween costume idea for next year. Can you please dress as Baby Charger Pigs? Baby Jor-Biggs? I love that. I would be just like, it's like Baby Yoda. And that's what I'm saying. It's like just like Baby Yoda and get him baby Beaks.

I'm baby Peks. Everyone treat me special on baby Bix. And you're in like an adult-sized baby Bjorn and Jeff is carrying you around in a Django Fet costume. I can see the pitchmeen right now. I have a plan to ruin the Mandalorian in one episode. Well, how are you going to do that? Three words, baby, jar jar beast.

Let me in. Let me in. George Lewis, it's like, it's happening. It's good. We're doing it. I don't know why we're doing it, but we're doing it. And I'll just keep saying Misa Dipeeful and they have to just keep put me in until I hit the top. Misa Dipeeful.

It's so awful. All right. Is that really what I say? I like when a podcast? Anyways, what is the list? 15 TV characters that were never meant to last. Ooh, this is fun because it's a surprise for me as well this week. Steve Urkel on Family Matters.

Yes, that's a classic one. Nerdy neighbor was only supposed to be for one-off appearances, but got so popular with viewers that he eventually became a central character of the entire sitcom. Did I do that? I remember that were you an Urkel fan? I definitely was. Absolutely. No, I just remember when he became.

came Stefan Urkel. I think that was the first time I got wet. Like a horniness moment for you. Oh, it was just like, ooh. Oh, my God. That was beautiful. I felt the same way about Jaliel White, but only because he was voicing Sonic the Hedgehog.

Yes. Oh, my God. Connection, Jay. Absolutely. But do you ever watch Glee, Jay? No, I did not. I didn't either. So this matters to none of us, this next list.

But I will say, I've heard that Jane Lynch is definitely a huge contributing What might say be Lynch pin in the whole show? Oh my God. Is that jar jar? Sue Zester diaper. Jane Lynch was attached to a different project as Glee started, so she couldn't commit to a recurring character. The other project wasn't picked up though, and Lynch would, could work full-time on creating an environment that is so toxic. It's the meme.

That's a main meme from the show. Mesa need tit milk. But I didn't know that. Wow. So who feel? from the Golden Girls, all of our beloved Estellegetty was only supposed to be in the pilot episode. Wow.

But the audience loved her so much that she was added to the main. Couldn't imagine that show without Estellegetty. It's like it rounds out the whole cast perfectly, unbelievable. In the same way, which I did know this one, and I can't even imagine where it would have gone, Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad. Wasn't supposed to stay in the show. Classic.

It would have been a completely different. I think that I honestly don't, as someone that is, just recently getting close to finishing better call Saul. I feel like I can't even

imagine the whole world in which it was created without Jesse Pinklin. It's got to be the ultimate, like fuck the Emmys or Oscars.

That has to be the ultimate achievement in acting. Having, getting a part where you were supposed to only be in the show

for a little bit and being that fucking good that they kept you in for the entire run. Like that should get its

own award ceremony. Dude, save, second character in bringing back Mike Irman Trout, who also was, it's such a huge, amazing. Oh my God, better call Saul.

It's so fucking good. I couldn't imagine him barely being in it. Yeah, he's, what's his character name? Mike Erwin-Trout. Oh, that is his character name. Yeah, he is. Jonathan Banks, who you might recognize from goddamn Buccaro Banzah.

Yeah, dude. And I recognize him from some bizarre pornographies I found while I'm alone in this apartment. I'm telling you what. Did he say, found, or actively sought and collected over the years? The floor here is like a movie theater floor. It is so just sticky and disgusting. It's all that popcorn, too.

You gotta stop trying to make popcorn chains. I'm telling you, Holden. It is true. It's not worth your time. It's like a little girl's summer camp over here. You know what I mean? That's kind of the way I stay K. It is Baby Jar Jar Binks time.

I mean, in creation with Baby Jarger Binks, you got to start somewhere. Oh my God, you're just going to have diapies everywhere by the time Lexi finally gets home. You're just going to be surrounded in your own diapy. Oh, my God. By the way, speak. You'd be like, it's okay. it's okay, I bought special diapies just for me, the baby still has plenty

of diapies. Yeah, it's okay. Jackie came up with this character that I'm playing so that there's a reason for it. I'm baby, Jar-Char-Charbinks. And then Lexi leaves you. Lexi leaves you because of that. I feel like I feel like I should win something, but ultimately

who's going to lose the most? More of a straw that broke the camels back kind of deal. Exactly. Exactly. One to one. By the way, I could believe this one too. Of course they brought him back no ho. Hank on Barry, who's one of the best. Probably the best part of that show. So, of course, they couldn't get rid of him. He's too fucking good. He is perfect in that damn show. Barry is so fucking good.

Had no idea this about Millhouse, though. I don't understand this timing. This timing is very weird to me. What timing? I mean, you were about to read it. I'm sorry, I jumped the gun. A Millhouse was created for a Matt Groaning pitch for NBC that didn't get picked up. And then, I'm sorry, Graining. Is it Graning or groaning? Graning? Matt Graining pitch for NBC that didn't get picked up and then used for a Simpsons themed Butterfinger commercial. The character was then added to the cartoon's pilot episode and well, everything came up Millhouse. Wow. That means there were Simpsons Butterfinger commercials before the pilot came?

Before? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I mean, if there be animated, it makes sense because the Tracy Olman show already established the characters. So maybe that's kind of what happened. So it was maybe in between the Tracy Allman show. And also, you know, for advertising, they always use weird animated stuff outside of any context.

I'm less incredulous. I'm less incredulous. Jake? Yeah, that's not going on. I was also trying to look up and I was like, in these kind of things, like, I think about like, oh, Jaliel White's career exploding and him not even thinking that, like, that was going to happen with his, like, one-off character. of Urkel, but I was looking at Pamela Hayden did do other voices on The Simpsons and not just because I feel like that's part of the really the fun part of thinking about how like... Why'd I have the bowl?

Thrill House. And what about the Fons? We almost didn't have the Fons forever. Henry Winkler's iconic role was supposed to be an occasional and speak sparingly. Audiences loved him whenever he spoke, so the role kept growing and growing as seasons went on. And then he jumped the shark. That's the thing, the phrase for jumping the shark, literally the Fons on water skis, jumped over a literal shark, and that is where we got that phrase from. That's what my favorite trivia facts, that literally a shark was jumped on the TV show.

We love the Fons, Winkler. We did love Andy Dwyer as well. See, here's the thing. I still love Andy Dwyer. I don't love Chris Pratt. Right, right, right. So it is difficult to. to, which I also found out, so we're finding this out now, that Andy Dwyer on Parks and Rec was not supposed to remain on Parks and Rec, but everyone loved him, and the show creator loved him so much that he was too funny not to use

that they kept using him. I did also recently learn that he gained the weight to be Andy Dwyer and then lost it and was actually never like a bigger dude. He was just told that he would be more easily cast

if he gained more weight. They should have gotten Thorne. What about me? I did it. I gained the weight. Where's my role? Right? Someone give you, is it role of wife?

God, how thrilled I would be to be like, if they were like, you got to, we need you to go to five guys more. We need you to get another 20 to 40 pounds on. Dude, it drives me crazy with the Brendan Fraser stuff about the whale when they're like, he should have gained the weight. He should have gained like 600 pounds. Like, what are you talking about? Oh, God.

into weird territory now, but this is where the whole representation thing gets a little askew, I think, when it comes to these arguments. Yes, goop in shallow hell is horrendous. There's a difference, but, like, you can't expect someone. Even, like, you think about... Well, I forget who was making this argument, but, like, I don't even think a 600-pound person could, like, actually deal with the... Strains.

Getting through the role, like, playing the role would be so strenuous on someone like that. And also just thinking, like, he has to have that on his body the entire time while doing this. It's all, like, it is a feat. Right. And I just, oh my God, that part of the discourse drives me mad. Yeah, yeah, it gets so weird. I don't even know where to begin. He's still a plus-sized person.

So it's like, it's not, again, it's not, Gwyneth Paltrow and Shell O'Hall. It's a big fucking difference. And if you have a DM about that, send it to Jackie. Send it to me on page seven podcast at Gmail. Right, Jackie, I got news for you. Got news? You got news? You got news?

Hey, Holden. Why do you take five? Jackie, do you want to quintuple the length of this episode and just talk about fat people representation in media for like four hours? Let's do it, Jake. You want to throw it out, dude? If you want to DM someone do it to Jackie or Jake, either way they'll field your questions about representation. Let's go get some five guys, Nick.

If we just go get some five guys, then we can continue this conversation. for at least three hours. Five guys requires a lot of chewing. I prefer a taco bell so I can just like... Oh, so we can more slide it down. Or just the slippery slide. Addiction glop in me faster. Yeah.

I want to meet water park. I want slides and just wet. I like what? Uh-oh. I'd tell you what, but you eat too much of that stuff and you'll go blind. I should know it because I think I'm going. Blind!

Item! Oh, we can't see them! All right, here we go. The blind. of the week. Are you ready? Yes. Or are you scared spaghetti? Oh, my God.

I'm shaking in my tortellini boots. I made a solo spigette the other night. I'm just loving it over here. I'm making all my favorite foods. You should be eating spaghetti every day. What else are you going to make while your family has left you? I'm doing, we're doing chicken to not. It feels like to it.

Remember, what was that commercial? It tastes like chicken tonight. Like chicken tonight. Yeah. I'm going to be screaming that. Are we products of television? Yes, we, it's our complete errands. I can't believe how much of it I used to watch.

I'm watching, you know what it is? It's crazy. I'm watching that like Weird Al-Yankovic movie too on Roku Channel. It's so fucking good. It's one of the best comedies in years. But is there a way to watch it without commercials? No, that's the whole point of Roku channel. Is that crazy?

It's like the first time ever there was like a AAA movie, hot like big budget movie and you literally cannot watch it right now without constant commercial breaks. If you just go to a little sneaky sight. All right, but Jake does this all. Oh, look at your sneaky. You wouldn't download a car, would you, Jake? You wouldn't download a car?

You get to keep the car. And I just also have a car now. Let's see if you can. Let's see if you can keep these blinds. The actor who apparently loves to piss in bottles on movie sets do a drink at a guy at a bar while out of the country. There hadn't been a fight.

just got up and threw the drink at him, not the actual glass. Liam Pison! No, a different piss celebrity from our celebrity conspiracies. Ezra Pissler. No, not Ezra Pistler. I forgot he had that nickname. No, there was a plot. We did a celebrity conspiracy about this.

Oh, pissing in bottles. Oh, shit. As well as forgetting his lines, as well as getting hung over, being too drunk and not remembering his lines. Oh, it's released. I need more. I need more. He's a little Lord.

He's a little Lord Funtleroy. He was... Oh, Chalemet. Yes, Timothy Shalame. The actor recently was in London at the premiere of his new film, Bones and All, while on a break from filming Dune Part 2.

This guy is a... Shalabay is a menace. I'm saying it right now. He's a minis. He was a menace back in the NYU days. Everybody knows this. He's all... Every blind about him is doing stuff like this.

He's just like, for no reason. He's fucking with the... He's like the joker of little tiny actors. I'm sorry. You know what I mean? Like, why would you not be cut? Like, if you are famous, the reason is, so you can do that. So you can fuck with people.

Piss and bottles. Piss and bottles. Piss and bottles in his trailer. Yeah, there you go. There's the first one. Here's Segundo one. This A-List, mostly movie actress, who is an Oscar winner, regrets doing a movie, not because of the box office, but because of the affair she has.

with her co-star which led to the end of his marriage. One might say she had some game and he was hungry for it. Hungry for the game. Well, now you're just insulting my intelligence. Who is it? Jake. Yeah, Jennifer Lawrence. The movie is not hungry games.

Is it Lenny Kravitz? No. The movie is not Hunger Games, though. It's a different movie. In her co-star, he, We just talked about him. He went through a divorce with this very funny, beautiful woman. Chris Pratt.

Yes. Do you believe? Jennifer Lawrence had an affair with Chris Pratt. I actually don't think that he's her type mentally, but I could see it happening physically. You know what I mean? The movie Passengers. Well, they have a vibe, though. They both have that kind of, I'm a real down-to-earth person.

I'm goof them up. so totally isn't. Oh, I just, oh, watching him just, like, promote Rick Truceau. I just, like, got so, I hate you, Chris Pratt. Right. Ooh, I hate you. It's annoying, right? Um, yeah, using his platform.

Evil. He's real Ariana, huh? Is that interesting? I heard she voted for Hitler in the elections. No, you're thinking of, he was very fascinating. She wrote him in. He wrote him in. She wrote him in.

That's what I heard allegedly listeners, but go on. But be a fan of whoever you want, you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm just saying that's an interesting person to be a fan of of that, allegedly. All right. This one's weird. You know, it was kind of like bottom of the barrel here. But I speculate as to why at least this is a thing.

I don't know if this A-list actress slash director knows there is a private investigator following her. But there is. But there is. Angelina Jolie. No. A more recent director having a lot of. drama in their life. Olivia Wilde. Yeah, why do you think in a

private and vet? Well, is it probably what's his name? Something about the kids. Something with something with Jason's the day. And Harry, do you think Harry Styles is like teaching them how to be like watermelon sugar? Sexy pop stars or something and that's kind of a problem. They're all dressing like baby Georgia Banks. Oh, what a matter of chaka. They're all just oh, what the matter of chaka.

You know what I mean? I would say it has to have something to do with the divorce. He just wants to get a whole of that secret special. a divorce. Salad dressing. It's the salad dressing. It's for vinaigarette, Jane. It's a real go-to-the-court divorce. I mean, it's a real get-up and go get a divorce divorce divorce. So I totally get that. Yeah, one of those. Unbelievable. So I don't know, maybe those are the blinds or whatever. Wow. You did a great job. Thank you. How do you feel, Holden? Holden, I want to say you did a great job.

Congratulations. I was right. We were spending too much time on the Twitter stuff up top and I think we got through everything. I think we did. Actually, let's do more. Okay. Holden. Holden. Holden. Holden. We'll talk about Twitter for another hour. Then Jackie, we're coming back around on overweight. About fat representation. Okay, great. Yes, yes. I think fat people shouldn't exist at all.

I love this hot take Holden right in the end. You love a hot take holding in the end. You have an opinion on what I just said. Jackie on Instagram, you've got Jack that word. No, I don't think you can be a podcast at Gmail.com. Let's just do a G-you-do it. Send it to all three months. Of course, I'm kidding, please.

But, yeah, you know what I mean? Be good out there to each. other and I love love. Yes. And you're married, Jackals, and I'm married. Where's the ring? You got crazy? Show me the ring.

Oh, yeah, you want, oh, I got, it's black. Wow. What, oh, man, yeah, we didn't even, I mean, there's so much we could talk about with the wedding. It was goth wedding. It was beautiful. I love the twist on it. Everybody looks so cool.

It was so fun to just like, the looks were so much more engaging at your wedding than any other wedding I've been at because, you know, we really got to do some fun, different stuff with it. And Jeff looked incredible. My favorite thing of Jeff told me was after you guys put his whole look together, which is amazing, you realized also though he looks exact, he's wearing the exact clothes pretty much that Leonardo DiCaprio's character wears a Django unchanged. But he looked incredible. It's amazing. But he did look incredible.

And thank you for saying that. And of course, if you want to hear me gush about it coming out over on the Twitch, I definitely, like that is. We'll talk a lot more about it because I want to know more. because I was like in the cut but not because I had was wrangling a baby the whole time. So I feel like I missed out on a lot of little moments and stuff. So definitely come hang out with us on Friday over on Jacking with the Holdies over on Twitch. Dot TV forward slash Holdenaders. Oh.

He did my plug for me. Thank you. Yeah, I did it for you. I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it up for you. Yeah. Plug them owes.

Misa got a hole I need plugging. My name is Jarger Baby Binks. Is. His name is baby charger binks. My name is Jackie. Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And coming out with me over on Twitch.com. TV forward slash, oh, no,

it's Shacky. We talk about sex on Tuesdays with Dr. Jordan and we talk with Lisa Rose while we play dating simulator games on Sundays and next week I'll be back with the Sims on Wednesday because my computer has been fixed.

It has. Yay. Yes, it has been fixed. And thank you guys so much for being so amazing and for supporting me through this wedding time. And I love y'all so freaking much. And now it's tour time. Last Podcast Network.com for all tour dates, tickets info, all that good stuff. And Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. Jackie putting out constant content. We do talk at TV every week as well. And add free episodes, all $5.com. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. But I'm going, I'm saying this very

fast because I want to get to Jake and Jake's plugs. Because thank you again, Jake for joining us today. Thank you so much, Jake, for joining us. Hey there, page 7 listener that doesn't listen to Wizard and the Bruiser. You exist. I know you exist. And I'm sure you have your reasons. But hey, you've just gotten to listen to an adult man, be ruder, louder, and less funny than MJ for a while. And maybe you want more of that.

Maybe you're like, oh, I love the way that dude stepped all over Jackie's punchlines. That was like really funny. No, no. We just don't have the jive the same. You know, we're new. This is, you watched Jake and I dance for the first time. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was beautiful.

But yeah, puppet Jared on Twitch, on YouTube. Of course, let's know my other podcast that I do with him, Wizard and the Bruiser. And, yeah, and Last Podcast Network.com, where's the Brewzer and page seven on tour together, hitting the road. There it is. I think we got it all, right?

Yes. And of course, if you have anything to say about any of Holden's hot takes or if you want to say something to Jake that I can forward onto him, hit us up at page seven podcast at gmail.com. That is page seven, seven, the number podcast at gmail.com because I forgot to say this at the top of the shoutouts that I have already recorded. Awesome. So page seven podcast at gmail.com. Holden, would you like to sing the shoutout song with me? Gladly. Shout, shout.

Let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're going to read them to you. Come on. Thanks again, Jake. Pleasure being here. It's time for Jean.

O'Anon, Jackie, we just sang the song. Maybe it's just because I'm so excited, and there are a good amount of we've got some shoutouts to catch up on. So buckle in your shoutout hat. and just go, ah, into whatever, I don't know, cowboy hat you can find, I guess that's a shout-out hat. And get ready because we've got some love to share. Maybe I'm just so filled with love that I'm going to burst and I'm going to get my seed all over you, Jackie. This is not the time.

It's time for the shout-outs. Our first amazing shout-out is going out to Rain. Rain says this is a bit of a self-shout, but also a shout-out to my men. I want to shout out myself and my fiancé for celebrating 10 years together on November 5th. We've had a lot of ups and downs and have nearly broken up on a few occasions. But every time we have issues we think are insurmountable, we somehow manage to find each other at the end of it all and love each other still. He is the shoulder I sob on, my creative partner, my favorite hater outside of MJ,

my best friend never apologized to holding about that rain. He truly makes me a better human, even if I think he's being a butthole sometimes. We've been engaged for two years, and I can't wait to be his wife. Congratulations, Rain! And know what this didn't roll long at all rain, don't you worry. I'm sorry that it's a little bit late, but that's only just because our anniversaries are so close to each other. So from one November 4th anniversary to a November 5th anniversary, I salute you both. More shoutouts, more shoutouts.

and this goes out to Christine from shitty England. Their words, not mine, I promise. Here's my shout out to myself, because I bloody well deserve it. When the pandemic hit, I didn't realize how upside down my life would get. In November 2020, my lifelong best friend's mom passed away suddenly. Soon after that, in January of 2021,

my grandma went into hospital and then contracted COVID and passed away. I fell into a big, horrible hole of grief with no, idea how to get out. As a 25-year-old who had never lost a loved one, I considered myself very lucky, but I had no idea how to cope. I was so, so angry at the world for a long time, but I finally ended up getting counseling, which helped me massively. I started to heal myself and also my relationship, which had taken a blow during all of this. Then at the beginning of 2020, I lost my granddad very suddenly to a brain tumor, only days after his birthday. I was shoved back into that grief hole, and I can't describe the ache and yearning I've had in my heart for the past two years

for the people that I've lost. I'm sorry this scene setting is so sad. I promise it gets better now. It's all right, Christina, we're here with you, baby. After all that, I managed to pass my driving test and get myself a car, something I never thought I'd be able to do, but I know my granddad in particular would be incredibly proud of. I also took part in a charity hike, 30 kilometers around the coast of the island of White, and raised 350 pounds for Mind, the Mental Health charity. Training for that hike was incredibly healing for me.

My relationship is stronger than ever now, and after five years in a job that I barely put up with, I have just landed myself a brand new job that pays me the salary that I deserve, and will be much more enjoyable and invaluable for my professional development. I'm so excited to start it! My partner and I will be able to afford to buy a home together,

which we will start looking at next year. After going through the hardest time of my life, coupled with a literal global pandemic, I feel like I'm getting back in my feet. I'll always be hurt by these past two years, but I know my loved ones are always in my heart, forever cheering me on. Also, if I can get a real quick shout out to my darling friend Jojo,

who a little while ago started listening to page 7 and also started watching River Day. I treasure those random messages about what Jason's reanimated corpse is up to as you watch. And the love you have for DCJ, Dr. Curtle Jr., of course, you're a brilliantly radiant human being, and I am so lucky to get to call you, my friend. Finally, thank you, MJ, Jackie, and Holden for keeping me company through sloggish days at work, when even the smallest of tasks seems too hard for me. You three are huge rays of sunshine in the sad little world we're all trying to survive.

I love you too, Christina from shitty England. I love you too, baby. And now we've got Lauren. Lauren says that my two sisters and I are huge fans of the show and even bigger fans of Snake Island. I want to give a huge shout out to my sister Taylor because she just got engaged her fiancee. I love her so, so, so, so, so much.

And I am so excited for her and her fiancé, who I also love so so much, to get hitched. They are both such special people, and I'm so happy that they found each other, and that now we get to add another member to the family. I'm also so grateful myself and our sister Ashley got to be there to see the big moment. Also, shout out to Ashley. We may have almost gotten lost on the mountain and missed the proposal. We may have had to sprint up that mountain, but we made it work, and we got some great pictures.

Jackie, if you have any tips of planning a kick-ass wedding, throw them our way. love Lauren, I would say don't plan the wedding many, many, many miles away from where you live in a different time zone. Makes it much harder. Throwing that out there and so much love to you, Lauren, Taylor, and Ashley. And now this one goes out to Laura and I just want to say, I love you, Laura, and I love this perspective. Laura says, self-shout for me is that my husband and I got married young and are just different people at this point. He said that he's not attracted to me anymore. Gag, hope I never hear those words again. Still love him a lot so it really hurts, but it's also refreshing to be at a place where I know I'll be okay no matter how things turn out. I deserve to

love and be loved. He also deserves to love and be loved, and that doesn't necessarily mean that we can do that together. I'm the best I've ever been, and I know it's from therapy and the honest and real should I listen to that makes me feel normal and human, like page seven, and the community that has been built with you. Lots of good vibes for your tour love, Laura. So much love to you, Laura. Thank you very much for sending that in, because again, it provides a different perspective of love, because I feel like oftentimes it's always the like, oh my God, I love, I love. When there are many facets to love and there's many facets to what a relationship goes through and I'm so proud of you that you're working on yourself and that you still feel really good about you because you fucking should.

So much love to you, Laura. Next up, we've got a shout out out to William. William says, I wanted to send a shout out to my mummy lane. 16 years ago, she somehow figured out that I'd been kicked out and spent the summer unhoused. I'm sure I wasn't as stealthy about it as I thought I was. and without a second thought, she took me into her home. The following years were rough as I adjusted to having someone care about me, but she never once gave up on me, and it's thanks to her that I am alive to write this email. She's the glue that holds our not-so-little family together.

From taking care of my three special-need siblings to organizing every family get-together at the holidays, the world is a brighter place with her in it, and I'm so incredibly lucky to call her my mom. So, Mommy Lane, if you hear this, your stray loves you with all his heart and soul. Thank you for showing me that I'm deserving of love, teaching me how to move through this world with kindness,

and most importantly, making sure I stay out of the trees. Love, William. Oh, my heart! I love you, William, but I love you, Mummy Lane. And I have so much more love to give out my next up, love is going out to Jeanette. Jeanette says, I want to give the biggest shout out to one of my best friends, Tess. She has been like a big sister to me since we met my freshman year of college in 2013.

I was married directly out of college and found out that I married an abusive person. The first person I called, after my mother, was Tess. I'd given up all of my post-college plans so he could go to grad school and work his dream job. I told her everything, and before I could even express my concerns over leaving with nothing but the clothes on my back, she had already invited me to stay with her and her husband Tyler, who I would also be remiss not to mention in this email, Love you, sweet friend. Since that day, I've been slowly rebuilding my life, and while I am much closer to where I want to be, it still feels like a million miles away. Tyler and Tess have housed me multiple times, fed me, listen to me, cry and bitch and moan, and always have been a safe place for me.

Halfway through our divorce proceedings, my ex stopped responding to me or my lawyers and disappeared off the face of the earth. He never showed up to our final hearing, and as a result, I won my case, including repayment of the debt he'd left me with. While I was happy with the conclusion, my anxiety and honestly sheer exhaustion with the situation prevented me from seeking the awarded amount, and besides, I had no idea where he was. A few months ago, I found him. After consulting a lawyer, I finally took actions against him and filled out the necessary paperwork, but when it came down and mailing it, I hesitated. As I often do in times of crisis, I texted tests. I expressed all of my anxieties and concerns and then apologized for bothering her as I want to do. When she responded,

she reminded me of how bad things were and how I had been rebuilding my life for nearly four years. years and that seeking restitution, especially for something that was court ordered and his own damn fault was not petty or selfish. Hearing this from someone who had been there from the beginning was exactly what I needed. I'm proud to say that I sent those papers in and that I will be having him served later this month. Hell yeah. I hope that anyone else who is going through something similar remembers that it's okay to advocate for yourself and you're not bad or a petty person for asking for accountability and justice. So to Tess, one of my very best friends, my big sister from another mister, thank you for literally saving my life and always being there

when I needed you the most. You were the most badass, strong, inspiring woman I know, and I would not be who I am without you. Going back to grad school was scary and exciting for you and even when you get overwhelmed. I hope you remember how much of an inspiration you are to those around you. You are a part of my chosen family and I will love you and Tyler until the day that I die. Thank you for the space you provide and the joy you bring. Much love, Jeanette. Ah, so much love to you, Jeanette, and thank you so much again for sharing such an important story and people do need to hear this. And I'm so proud of you for advocating for yourself. And now last but not least, uh, we've got Missy Rupin. Missy Rupanda from our Twitch and oh, it's a sad one. No!

Missy Rupanda says, first of all, I want to shout out Jackie Holden and MJ. Thank you all for being such a source of joy for me during an incredibly hard year of my life. Oh no, you're going to make me cry. Don't feel bad about making me cry. I'm a crier. Earlier this summer, we lost the absolute best cat in the world. Rosto to stomach cancer. He was my sole cat and partner in crime, and I still cry when Facebook pops up a memory of him. Worst feature ever. And you know what,

Missy Rapanda, I completely agree with you. Worst feature ever. Drives you cry. It's part of the reason why I took Facebook off my fucking phone. Anyway, sorry. Shortly after that, my mom announced that she received what is basically an expiration date from her doctors. And now I have panic attacks weekly. My mom is the strongest woman I know. She's been battling breast cancer often on since I was 13. And now when I'm at the same age, she was first diagnosed, 35. She is stage four, in a lot of pain, and fighting like hell. Seeing her aging faster because of the pain and fatigue is like a knife to the heart being twisted daily.

When I say fuck cancer, I fucking mean cancer should rot in hell and be buried in the deepest, darkest pit. We also recently lost my uncle, and I've been trying to help my aunt and cousins through their loss, all that while trying to make a big decision about a big, move that just now feels so selfish to do, even though it would be so good for my husband and me. So with all the heartache and uncertainty in this world right now, I have been so incredibly grateful for this show and the warmth and the light you three exude. Knowing I have something upbeat and fun to look forward to every week just help so much. Oh, Missy Rubanda, I love you so much

and all of my love goes out to you and so, oh, every good vibe I can manage is being sent to your mom right now. Thank you so much. for sharing. And I do want to say, Missy Roo Panda, that I know I wish we were going to Boston too, but we don't have any choice over where we go. Now I just want to hug you. I want to hug you. I want to hug you. And I want to hug everybody. And I am going to hug you when I meet you on tour, except not in Boston because we didn't get to choose where we go. Now I'm just upset and I'm yelling. I love you all so much. Thank you so much for sending in your shoutouts. And thank you for thinking of us, even though we took the week and just did our high school musical

WatchLong, not just did. It brought lots of happiness to some people. I love you guys so much. And please be good to yourselves. Be good to everybody else. And I'll be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com. Thank you.