Page 7 - Ep. 472: Chicken of Distain

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout how to survive in Florida, Holden trying to get T Swift tix, Thanksgivin', BOSTON, the Cha Cha Slide, Tom Cruises son gettin' in the family fish game, Nick Cannon's repopulation of the Earth, the upcumin' Stryx Tinder stream on November 30th, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade stream, Megan Fox not flashing pubes, the continued wasteland that is Madonna's Instagram, Mariah Carey bowing to Dolly Parton, Jason Momoa strippin' down on Kimmel, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Did 9-11 Cause Fifty Shades of Grey?, the LIST, Blindz and SHOUTZz Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm MJ. And I'm Holden from the Page 7 podcast, and we're going on tour! That's right, we're touring all up in this mother freaking country. I'm fake cursing so whatever, Jackie. Just say the filthy F word already. And we will say the filthy F word when we come to your town. That's right.

We're coming to Texas, the Midwest, the Northeast, and then right back here in Cali, baby. For ticket links and more details, visit lastpodcastnetwork.com. That's right, Last Podcast Network.com. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present. Release the butthole cut. Wait, that's really what we're calling the tour? Absolutely. Release the butthole cut.

For more information, go to Last Podcast Network.com. Oh, it's that time of year again. Sautea-a-babricued. Eat me. We want my pets, but now we're food. We won't stay fresh for very long. So eat us before we've been this song. I can't continue singing.

the song because of the one part of the song that is bad. So I'm not going to continue. You don't know the lyrics, do you? You're both looking at me with wide eyes. You don't remember. How do I not know this? Is this on canceled? Well, now I have to look it up.

I mean, part of the song is canceled, but not all of the song is canceled because it is Adam's family values. So, you know, we just keep on, keep it on. And I am the Queen of Thanksgiving. And I have already made my first practice turkey of the year. And it came out glorious. And I just want to say PSA to all those people out there Unless you just don't like turkey

Or if you don't eat meat, I completely understand. However, if you say the turkey is the worst of the poultry, I think that you're making it wrong. Let me be a pioneer woman to you. You're making it wrong. If it's dry, you're making it wrong. Get yourself out there leaving thermometer. That's all you need.

Cover in butter. First of all, pioneer woman would never tell us we were doing something wrong. She's very comforting. I think she would. She's very comforting. She would be like, no, her thing, she's like, instead of Eynagarton's thing is like, how easy is that? How easy is that?

But like, you know, Reed Drummond's thing is more like, only an idiot. She's just a mom. Yeah. So I guess she will tell you that you did it wrong, but in like a passive mom way, like a way where you're just like, oh, out. It's going to be very condescending. It's going to be very like, oh, you think you do it like that. Well, when lad comes in from Ho and.

out back. Oh, I tell you, he hoes up front. And then they start having sex in front of all the many loving children. And I just love Pioneer Woman in Lasso. Honestly, that is the dynamic. Because the children are always there. She's always like, there's nothing I love more than making up a homemade batch of dino nuggets for my five and six. And it's always growing. They're just taking in more children every day, family. But now they're all getting older. They're all getting older. Yeah. They are like a Nick Cannon. They're being a little bit of a fan. I am devastated by that news, but go on anyways. Man, you really just, you just took all of the thunder out of our re-drum and conversation.

M.G. and I could have talked. It's because Holden knows that we can really talk about redrumbin for a very long time. So he knows he has to redirect. We can go into a deep, deep pioneer woman hole. And let's just like Ladd. Estimate that maybe 10 to 15% of the page 7 listenership is there with us. in the hole, and the rest are like, I've never seen an episode of Pioneer Woman. Yes, just like, lad.

Thank you, Jackie. Get in the hole. He's in the hole. I love their marriage. And honestly, I love their family. Like, I really do. It is a Chip and Jojo situation where I'm afraid of what goes on in their political mind. For sure.

Other than that, I support them. It's like being at a bar in Florida, MJ. You just, you'll have a great time to stay away from the politics. Yeah. Oh, I will and I did. Lex and I went to this bar shitty seafood restaurant place. I love to go to this place.

It was surrounded by old women chain smoking cigarettes, drinking like, drinking wine out of a styrofoam cup. And I was like, this place rules. I was joking around with the ladies. I was like,

all we got to do is avoid any political discourse whatsoever. And this will be a pleasant, pleasant evening. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I wore my pronoun sweater to Florida.

I have a sweatshirt that has like, you know, he, she, they, us, we, or something corny on the back of it. And I wore it to Florida. And then I legit did not wear it around Florida because I was scared. Oh, yeah. I wore a rainbow sweater. That was my little tiny scared wear. I'm afraid to wear anime shirts in Florida.

So I can completely understand that. I'm terrified to wear anything. Yeah. Even my T-Swift shirts, which, by the way, full disclosure, I'm shitting my ass right now. I'm in the waiting room for the presale for the heiress tour. I want to kill somebody. I want to strangle someone. I'm in the room.

I'm here. I just have nothing to add to the Pioneer Woman discourse. I have nothing to add. So you're just staring at the minutes as they pass so that you could order your Taylor Swift tickets. I was looking at that and I was looking at the problematic lyrics of Eat Me, which took me a really long time. It's like I got really confused me because I guess there was a song called Eat Me by Dimmie Lovato. And I was, I was, these are the lyrics? These are crazy lyrics.

What is happening right now? Then I figured out that it's actually, uh, It's the reference of a color of a person. Yes, I saw it. So that is, yes. That, it is. But, but, but. I would at least say that that it speaks towards just the,

that is, that was songs and plays and stuff. The little kids did around that time. I mean, the whole thing's giving. Oh, right. It's about Thanksgiving. Got. The whole Thanksgiving play thing is hilarious. We dress these children up as men in top hats and belt buckles for some reason.

About a genocide. Like it is like that is the, that's why it is a joke, the reason why it is written that way. It just doesn't mean that I can sing the lyrics to it. Right. Okay. Because it's all about the horrible people that are putting on this glorification. And that's why Wednesday Adams comes out to talk about the real history of things. Thanksgiving. So that is, I mean, that's why the Adams family is fucking unbelievable.

Yeah, that's why it's so good. I just remember to those plays and those things that they made us do, it must be so different now, right, MJ? I mean, those little Thanksgiving shows, because, you know, we'd all come out, people would be dressed like Native Americans. The one thing I always joke about is, maize means corn. Like, that was always the thing that they would say. But like, okay, we get it. Maze is corn. Corn is maize. Like, why do we need to know this? for to eat this turkey right now. I will say I worked in elementary school for a very, very long time. And Thanksgiving was my favorite, like, celebration at elementary school because the way that they do it now is they don't talk about, well, I don't know what they actually like teach in

day school. Hopefully they teach. I know that we have Indigenous People's Day now. And I think that certainly all the kids that I worked with, who were like, you know, mostly like from like the Caribbean diaspora, like, knew already about the concept of indigenous people. talk about that. But in,

so I don't know like what the actual, what if they do, how they talk about colonialism or whatever, but in elementary school, it's just all about the thankfulness and the gathering. And so we would just have a big, huge party,

set up the cafeteria tables in long banquet style tables, like Game of Chrome style. Oh, I love that. Cover them all with like, you know, dollar store tablecloths and just get a bunch of,

you know, have all the families, hot luck style, rice, chicken, all that. And of course, So you say gathering, you mean gathering of the juggalo. So everyone's face painted.

It's like gathering of the juggalo. There's, you know, hip hop that's with questionable lyrics about being in the South. But it's like, it's tough now. I'm talking to my own kids about Thanksgiving. And the symbols, it is, you can talk about thankfulness. And that is a fun thing to talk about with your kids. And I do this thing from this Instagram account that I love called Busy Toddler, where you make a little thank you thankfulness turkey.

And every day you make a little feather. Thankfulness, Jackie. Yes, Pax Lovit is on the thankfulness turkey this year because Pax Lovin saved my life. And from last week when I was absent, thank you, Jake Young for stepping into page seven. But like, it's like, I'm talking to the kids. We took down our Halloween stickers on the windows, which are all extremely fun, but also hard to talk about, like, what is a Frankenstein? Okay, I'll explain it. But then the Thanksgiving stickers were putting on the windows, it's just like, this is a turkey.

Why a turkey? Because we kill turkeys and eat them on Thanksgiving. This is a pilgrims hat. Why a pilgrim's hat? Because the terrible white people. We took their land. We took their land. Yeah, by the way, I love it.

Thankfulness turkey, but I'm also a big fan. Every year I get a chicken of disdain. And I create every day I write down something that I have vitriol for. And I attach it with my own blood. Is that why you're covered in bird shit right now? You don't have to keep a real chicken in the household. It's a construction paper, jerky old, and you can make your disdain chicken

out of construction paper. Oh my God, it's less than an hour, and for some reason that made the timer turn green. Oh, get ready. Go, go, go. You have to do it now, now. But be ready to go. I'm so sad. I can't wait to see the disappointment

on Holden's space. We're going to get to see at last. It already crashed for my brother this morning, and he ended up 2000th in line, and he literally was just like, good luck, old friend. and like with a, you know, yeah, good luck to you, period, when I was like, oh, mine hasn't started yet.

Not the period. Period. Yeah, he's really, I know he's sad. He's going to take his stepdaughter to Atlanta for the show, but no longer. So her dreams are crushed. And if you want to see Holden's Disappointed Live, you can come to the release the But Hole Cut tour.

We've got tickets. We are coming to your neighborhood, except for you, Boston. You're the only place we're not coming to it. I just, I do want to go to Boston. I know. Everyone in Boston is like, what do you have against Boston? Nothing, technically. You know, it's just like, it's like shitty New York.

Yeah, I would say it. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm not kidding. I think people being like, hey, I see you Philly. If you were upset with Holden, you can email him. Cancel Holden. Yep.

Email me at Jackie Zabrowski at AOL.com. And that's my email address. It is funny to talk about Boston. I feel like there's a, there's just a, Boston's a bit of a punching bag for the nation, right, in terms of people not wanting to go there. I'm scared of Boston. We're talking about.

I am Boston peace. Do not look at me. I love Boston. I go to Boston. Yeah, hit up M.J. if you've got any issues, right? That was way more damning. Like three times a year.

I've got family in Boston. I love Boston. I'm just saying, is it there a Mark Wahlberg situation with Boston? Don't we kind of view the entire city of Boston as a bit of a Mark Wahlberg on a map, you know? Wow, that again. I've stepped in it. Okay. MJ at hotmail.com.

MJ 69, 69, 420 at Hotmail. If you have any feelings. What I have just said, you can blame it on the COVID. I've been to Boston. We're blaming it on the COVID. I got a brain. I like Boston. How is your Florida strain of COVID?

I think I got it literally on the dance floor. this is Gideon's theory because he didn't get it in Florida. He later got it from me, but he didn't get it in Florida. And he spent the entirety of the wedding, not on the dance floor, but on the outskirts of the dance floor holding the baby. He's trying to shame you. I think he's trying to shame you. He doesn't like dancing, and I do.

Yeah, he doesn't like dancing. He's trying to be like, that's where you got it, the dance floor. You got to get off the dance floor. I told you, how many times where I told you get everything on the dance floor? You're going to get... He supports my love of the dance floor, but our marriage, is based on a mutual agreement that he doesn't have to dance. And I do that.

Got it. And so he took Holden's baby and went and walked around the whole wedding with her. They had a great time. And then I just screamed into other people's faces while they screamed into mine. Yes. Yada, yada, three days later, I am sicker than I have been in years. Three days later and one cha-cha slide, if I remember. Oh, right.

Here we go. Let's go to work, everybody, because that's what you want to do on the dance floor. Go to work. I want to clock in. I'm on the dance floor, the place where I get to express myself freely, and now I'm being told I have to go to work,

and I'm being ordered to do things over and over again. At a random, you know, the other thing about the Chachas, it's like, no crescendo. It builds to nothing. It just goes and goes and goes, and then it just stops. It builds frivolity.

I would say, yeah, it does make me feel existent. I understand the work of Albert Camu greater. You're welcome. By doing the Chachau Slide. To do the Chachau Slide is to enact in, let's say, his great work, the stranger, right? It gets you to a point where you're like, I could kill a man on a beach. Who cares? You know what I mean?

It's not like I'm going to, you know, it's just nothing means anything. I would say there's some slow crescendos where instead of doing the one you did before, you do something new. Like this time it's Charlie Brown. And the next time it's hands at knees. Chris Cross. That's the crescendo. Everybody clap your hands.

And then, oh, the big one? That's not a crescendo. That's not a crescendo. Yeah. Okay, so it builds to it. And then how long can you go? Can you go down low? Oh, my God.

See, there's a little crescendo. We found it. No, no, no. It just goes. Because what you're saying, too, is clap your hands can't be the crescendo because that's when it gets quiet and weird. Because then all of a sudden you just hear, yes.

because we're making the music. Because we're a part of the music. We can be a part of the music. We can make the music. When are you a part of the musical, didn't? When are you not taking away from the music? In 54 minutes, hopefully I'll be a part of the music. God damn it.

Maybe I'm taking out my already anger about not getting these tickets on you guys right now. But Chajas Live has got to go. Except that you did it. You did it. California House Representative 2020, 2020. What year would it be for? You know, much like politicians, you talk one story and you do another behind closed stories.

Because I plan, I made a plan. I said someone needs to be ready to videotape us when the cha-cha slide drops. And luckily, my timing was good because it dropped like the next song. And I was going to make Gideon videotape us. But again, couldn't find him because he was off wandering around teaching when he had a fist bump. Oh, my God. I did not realize how much of a baby guy, Gideon is. It was ridiculous.

He was my savior. He was my absolute savior. He took that baby. We needed someone to just take the baby. He was like my little genie, my little wish. I was just like, someone please take this motherfucker baby off me. And she did great. Your baby was like a take me baby, which is.

And Winnie is so social. She was literally, when she was being held by Ed on the dance floor, fist pumping, like that would like, full on Jersey Shore style. Jersey Shore style. Like drinking her Ron Ron Run juice, it was so good. Yeah, because we did. We only served Ron Run Juice.

Yeah, that was a weird move. Yeah, that was bizarre. But then the Chachas slide started. And Jackie, you know how it is at a wedding? The bride has to be going around talking to everybody, talking to family. But did Jackie drop what she was doing and make it back to the dance floor on time?

Yes, she did. Did the three of us stand directly next to each other in the center of the dance floor and break it down? Yes, we did. Did Holden do it? dare I say have fun? Yes.

Yes. No, I did not. I was towered the entire time. I was complaining. Actively complies all time. We got to get the tape. So Adam took the tape. We got to get the tape because I'll bet we could find a smile on his face.

Because you know who was right behind you? Every time I looked behind me when I would turn around, when of course, in listening to the song, I would turn around, my mother was right behind you. You've never seen such joy on a woman's face of my mother. Mom's love the chatto-ch-slide. My mom's love it. The judge-o-slime.

Yeah. It's a real piggy. I was absolutely dour. If you, I hope we get the footage. I did not smile a single once. And if I did, it was just like, because I thought about, like, killing everybody, you know, or something like that. At my wedding? At my wedding?

That's how furious the chow-ch-o-slide makes me. Now email Holden. Holden's threatening a mass violence event at Jackie's wedding. Holden. Holden, Holden, 007 at hotmail.com. There you go. I know one daddy who is very happy with a little bit of a catch that their son received. Yes, I am uncovering my own celebrity conspiracy theory this week.

Tom Cruise's son, Connor, caught a 300-pound grouper. Now, he caught this grouper to donate the grouper to charity. So it was like a big, like, fish off that I guess that he did. and the biggest fish got donated to be eaten by a charity. How did he get into this business, I wonder? Is it his father, Tom Cruise, who may have encouraged his need for fishing so that he could find more prey?

And I mean, we've definitely been over this theory before, right? I've definitely talked about this in my celebrity conspiracy theories. My only thing is, I don't think Tom Cruise would want a big fish like that. That's way too big, way too wide of a whole. Are you body shaming? Yes, I'm body shaming that fish. You're saying the grouper's too fat to be loved?

Yes, Tom Cruise wants petite. Have you seen Katie Homes? Have you seen Katie Homes? What are we even talking about right now? Of course it was a petite, tiny little fish. It's not that the grouper wasn't a beautiful fish. It's that if Tom Cruise needs to fuck the mouth of the fish and you've got a grouper the size of a whale, you know, it's like that horrible. But that horrible joke that keeps coming to my mind when I look at this fish.

Do you remember the like extremely fat-phobic joke that everybody said in high school that was like, it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway? That's what I keep thinking. I've never heard that before. Maybe it's a classic, Jackie. Maybe we could reclaim it. I don't know. I heard it. That's so for me as a hot dog ambassador.

It's like doing the, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Hot talk to a hallway, just like the cha-cha slide. It lands with a big old thud. And we all go, oh, I guess we did that for five minutes. Thank God it's done. Put it in the category of jokes that I, like, heard in high school and was just so upset, but, like, couldn't forget about it. Like, that joke has just been, like, saved, permanently saved in my brain.

Like, I was a trumpet player. I was around boys who made jokes like that constantly. And that just is, and I haven't thought about that joke, but I know it's in there. Because as soon as I saw this fucking fish, I just thought, it's, like, throw it on. dug out all the hallway. And I was so ashamed of myself for the kid. I love that you shared your shame. Thank you for sharing your shame with us.

It's beautiful. I also just want to talk shit about this article's title and what the contents of. Tom Cruise's son Connor catches massive fish for good cause, but many aren't happy. And then when you scroll out, they list two people's comments. And both of the people's comments weren't even that angry because it was a fish catching competition. What do you mean? And they're just like, well, I hope you plan on feeding that to someone. It's like, yeah, idiot.

They're literally catching it to give it to charity. And they're like, well, as long as you're eating it. And it's like, and it made, and the headline article makes it sound like there's all this vitriol about Connor Cruz catching a fish with the opposite is true. Everyone's like, wow, good work. You did so well. I just, when does it end? When does it end? It's leading the people to Uprise article, a click-paid headlines like these.

It's suggesting that Connor Cruz has been canceled for. catching a large fish. Yeah. If you dig in, especially when it's like, of course how much people said a bunch of shit. I hope you ate it. I kind of feel bad for the beautiful fishy. One concerned commenter wrote, but I hope it was eaten. Another question, what kind of fish is that?

So glad it went to charity to feed lots of people. There's no story here. If anything, he should be canceled because he caught a 300-pound fish that he's going to give to his father to try to fuck. Yeah, if anything. Well, like I said. I think he gets a hot dog. I think he gets the tiny ones that, like, he wouldn't submit.

That's the great situation here. He's like, all right, I keep the big ones. You get the petite ones as long as I draw a little lipstick on the mouth before I hand it to you. You know what I mean? And, you know, yeah, then you're going to have a great day today. But it is odd that he is so, Tom Cruise, rather, is so associated with fish fucking. And his son is like an expert, like amazing fish. Like, it's kind of crazy.

I don't think there's any way around it. If you want to, man, there are some articles on here this week that I've seen some fun comments about, some horrendous comments about, especially about a one Nick Cannon. Now, Nick Cannon just revealed weeks ago, a hot tag at a hall, except no door is disseminated. I, so okay, all right, we're talking about Nick Cannon. Not that long ago said that one of his harem, is harem a bad word to say? One of his grouping of women is having a child, his 11th child. Then weeks later, it comes out that he's another one of the women that he associates with. We could call them baby's mother.

Like how we, to call it talking about attorneys general, you know, it's like baby's mother. No, no, we call them BM's. we call us. Our baby's mother. And so the 12th baby, there's going to be a 12th baby coming out as well. And he has also recently said that he pays a lot more than $3 million a year in child support. Now, I was reading this article talking about trying to bring some validity to this situation, I guess. And as someone that is a big watcher of sister wives and things like that, it does seem that the baby's mother do together, like, talk to each other, that they are raising these kids while, like, while also helping each other out. So you're saying, like a sister wives situation. So you're saying, Mariah Carey, at least 11 months out of the year.

Not Mariah Carey. I'll take care of the little ones for a little while. How many others now? Twitty. All right. Yeah, bring them on over. They can't sing with me though. Yeah.

I'll sing for them. They give VIP passes. They have $2,000 each. You really think that Mariah Carey would give VIP passes to Nick Bannon's other children? Fuck no. I like to have a Kiki with her fucking ass about all this. That's who I'd like to talk to. I would love to hear what Mariah Carey has to say about all of this.

Because she was the, they were together for such a long time, right? So those two kids must be the oldest. And then all the other ones come after his post-Mariah spiral. Yes, because the oldest are the twins, Ro and Moroccan, our rock and row, excuse me, are both 11. So what you say is interesting, Jackie, because if, as you know, I have converted to being extremely enthusiastic about polygamy from watching sister wives. I got you. I got you got. It's bizarrely, totally

fine, like, and great for them. And so, zero judges. Aren't there whole lot, wait, aren't their whole lives falling apart at this point? Well, I'm only in like season two, but it was really going well for the conclusion. What do we also acknowledge the whole thing is crumbling right now. Well, it's difficult. It's like the end of fucking

Game of Thrones over there. At least in season, one, part of what makes it difficult is the laws against it. You know, they're hiding. completely right. And also, I mean, if you think about it, when your whole life is your children, your family and then your children grow up and they're not a part of your household anymore, that doesn't just happen to sister wives. That happens to lots of couples that like, oh, what is our purpose of staying together? Oh, God, we were together because of the kids. Oh, God,

the kids are gone. Why are we together anymore? And they're also just going through the growing pains that many families go through. Still just think it's going to be hard. for him to be a dad to all of these kids, especially because they don't share a connected cul-de-sac, which would be hilarious if they did. They don't have. I would watch that show. If whichever number theory it is

that he's doing this to be relevant after otherwise, because otherwise he would be completely irrelevant, then he needs to pitch the reality show because it would be great. But yeah, like if all of, like, we were, we actually discussed this, not recording yesterday, just the three of us, discussing how do we feel morally about Nick Cannon and all of his kids? And, and, you know,

because there is a point to be made like of is this, should we just mind our own fucking business and let this guy spread his seed as he does? And I think that the other point is like, this seems weirdly irresponsible. And, you know, it seems compulsive. It seems unhealthy. Can he be a good father? But if all of the adults are involved and he, all the women are supporting each other and all the kids are kind of like siblings, then like if it's working, it's just like the... A lot of caveats here.

If it's working for them and it's not hurting anybody and all the... You know, it's hard to judge the way other people want to have their families. Part of me wants to be like, all right,

if it's working for everybody, then fine. I just think there's no way it's not way more complicated of that and there's no way, that is a lot of like, big ifs that they're all like happily working together and they all think

that this is like great and fine. And I just, at the end of the day, I'm not wholly unconvinced, though, that this isn't a giant, like, pregnancy fetish for him. Because that's kind of how you pull that off. I mean, you have to have someone always has to be pregnant. So, of course, you've got to spread that out. You can't just one woman can't supply that for you. Right now, he's got two cooking at once.

I'm teen organ harvesting now. I have fully, I have fully Riverdale. Yeah. I mean, I get that conspiracy, by the way. We've done it, right? I get that email all the time. We've definitely done the Nick Cannon and Oregon. I just got that from like DMs of listeners being like it's, yeah, and it's a riverdard.

Yeah, yeah. I'll look it up because I have 18 emails. I'm pretty sure we did it though as a conspiracy theory for us, which is. Because he has lupus. And I feel weird even saying that because I'm sure a bunch of people out there with lupus are like, I'm not harvesting organ. I mean, I was going to call, I was going to name Winnie organs and Lexi made me change it. I was just going to call her what she is to me. Organs.

You got to call her organs after she's grown up and the organs are regular. Well, I was going to call her baby organs. And then baby organs McNeely. And then she was like, how about Eloin? I was like, okay, I guess that's fine. But she's just organs to me. That's all she is to, you know. You know, Organa was probably on our baby name list, but I forget.

But that was because of the plane. I was going to say speaking of organs, but now we're talking about babies. So I guess maybe it is a difficult transition to use. Speaking of organs, on November 30th, we are going to have. help your organs meet other organs. Yes, I'm talking about the Stricks, Tinder stream. Good segue, Jackie. Thank you very much.

We care about your organs. We'll help you make 12 babies. Yes, if you want to make babies. Do you want to make it more about the babies? That sweet, sweet fuck, we will help you out. Send in your, and if you've already sent in your dating profile to page 7. We've got it. We've got it.

We are going to be starting with those. and if you would like to send in more, because hopefully we're going to keep this a normal running thing. So hit up page 7.gov, send us the URLs to whatever doesn't have to be Tinder, to whatever dating app that you use. And on November 30th at 5 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time over on Twitch.com. forward slash holdenators oh us and stricks are going to be helping you out and also you're going to get some

free goodies along the ride we had so much fun doing this last time that that's why we are doing it again it was so fun and it just just the act of even if you're not getting your profile review to join us because just the act of talking about this stuff opens up all these doors for yourself for other people sucking fucking horny hair Okay, but I actually have to say something earnest, which is despite what Holden just started, which is that Holden and Jackie are so good at like telling people that they are hot and why they are hot in a way that isn't creepy ever, but that it is like just affirming. Like after we did this one, I was like, I want Holden and Jackie, maybe I could come to, to have a reality show where like instead of it being like, you know, here's why you suck or whatever, it's just like you guys being like, these are the things, the amazing things, the amazing things. things about what you look like and what you like.

And this is how to sell that on a dating page. It is called the glow up with Jackie and Holden, by the way. The glow up with Jackie and Holden and it's going to be killer. I'll be like the Ed McMahon. I'll just be sitting on the sidelines drinking and being like, yes, that's right, you know. Yeah, yeah.

We're millionaire matchmaker, but instead of millionaires, it's just regular people. And instead of matchmaking, it's fucking and sucking and all that kind of stuff. We're not going to get you hitched. and there will be very little money involved. But again,

I can't emphasize enough that it's not creepy despite how much Holden and keep saying he will not objectify you. What is it about me saying the word fucking and the word sucking

that makes you think that it's creepy and weird, all right? I'm not gonna follow you home, all right? Again, that's on November 30th. That's 5B and 8B B and you should stand true time

which was on CB forward 4-dational old dominator's home. We're not going to scare you. That's the page seven promise. We're not going to follow you home. I'm gonna follow you home. I even know where you live. How would I even do that?

How would I even pull that off? While we're plugging things over here, and again, I'm not talking about my holes. Hot dog down the hallway much. I am. Hot dog down the hallway. Oh. I love that tiny Tim song.

So good. While we're talking about this, I also were to talk about Alden and I are going to be watching the Thanksgiving Day parade this year as well. Oh, God help us. At 6 o'clock in the morning. It's at 6 o'clock in the morning hour time. Maybe MJ will stop by.

Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Come, because we have so much fun. We sing Christmas songs. We get ready. We're drunk by 9 a.m. At 6 o'clock in the morning. So come. It's a great way to start if you're getting your Thanksgiving day started or hell, if you're not, get up early.

Watch two buffoons get drunk way too early. It's very, very fun. It is like, if you ever have that holiday feeling where you're like alone at home or even you're with your family, but it doesn't feel like as nice as it should or whatever. And you're like, I want to like have, you know, that, that ephemeral kind of always in the distance feeling that you get at the holidays where you're like some, there's some nice feeling I should have, but I don't have it. Watching the Macy's Day parade with Jackie and Holden will give you that feeling.

As you said that I'm looking at the nice feeling you should have, but you don't have it, I'm just staring at this countdown for this Taylor Swift tickets. And I'm just like, that's the feeling I have right now. It's a feeling I wouldn't. She'll take it from me. God will take this. God, I bequeath you. Don't put God into this.

Or whatever it is, whatever force compels. Whatever. Whatever. Christ compels you. Please give me this Lord. Anything I'll do. I'll kill anyone. What's the praying today?

Should I start praying for the opposite? Because I'll start today. I'll get on my knees. Don't, how dare you threaten your rituals at me? How dare you? I start to pray. I'll pray to your God so that I am working through your channels so that I can get to you. To see that, you don't even know my God.

Oh yeah. I haven't any of the gods. My God. Remember that from Sister Act? You guys remember? Do you guys remember that Megan Fox is a crazy person? But what about Megan Fox, Holden? Think about Megan Fox for a second.

Think about her being a nerd girl, dressing up in Zelda. Think about her getting trolled because people thought that they could see her pubic hair in the Zelda costume that she dressed up in. And reality is just her tattoo. Classic Instagram comment. I wish I could see the fucking guy's profile that wrote this. All that money, she can't buy a razor. She's now off my list, which is the most Instagram comment. It was like presupposing that you would ever in a million years have a chance with Megan Fox or like that she would care that you.

Yeah. What's the list? Is it like the celebrities I'm definitely going to fuck list? Yeah. And it's also like, I mean, if he's referring to what that is, I mean, it would be the tiniest amount of like landing strip. It would like not even be, in fact, I would kind of like, you know, not fully shorn myself. You know what I mean? So Megan, you're on my list, girl.

You can have sex with me. As long as Lexi's cool with it, any time you want to. She's definitely going to hit you up. I know this. Like Megan Fox is like, who do I want to bang next? It's Holden McNeil. I just, this is, there's another one of the Yahoo. Like, this is, I included this.

I don't know why they dress. I don't know if this even was a Halloween thing because these costumes of them dressed as Zelda and Link came out after Halloween. But one of the, Jesus Christ, that people take the time. to write these comments under these Yahoo articles. Zelda Princess, I don't remember any sluts in that game. Why would you write that? Why would you write that about a person you don't know?

I don't remember any sluts in that game. The dads are loose tonight, my friends. Why would you say that? I don't spend as much time being angry about the way these articles are written as Holden does because, like, it is, I don't know, the it's for some reason this is just how every article about a celebrity is is like this is what three random commenters said but it is hilarious to read the comments about megan fox and these people being like there's no sluts in zelda and then the other article that jacky said about madonna and all the comments

of the madonnas tick weird ass tic talks are people just being like it's very hard to continue being a fan of yours and like those comments are really funny they're they're sad they're funny yes they are because I don't know, do you guys, do you ever look at Madonna's social media, anything, her post? Only when we have to talk about it on this show because it really does. It's like watching, it's like watching,

you know, what kind of, like a Cronenberg film. You know, it's like a little to town. Yes. Yeah, it's not like, oh ha, it's not like a jump scare, but it's just kind of like deeply unsettling every second of I'm looking at it. I feel like I, like,

am in the middle of an ayahuasca trip every time I got her content. I'm just like, what? It's all shaky. It's all like, who is helping her with it and who is giving her the like, the green light of like, yeah, keep posting a video of you licking water out of a dog bowl seductively. It made me think of cats. Number one, me, me, me, me, me. And then he licks the milk, licks the milk.

And it is a little bit of cats. And I don't think that that's what she's referencing to. I don't, I know that the song I want to be your dog by the Stooges was playing while she did it. Oh, okay. But and then some of the videos. That makes it fine. No, I just, you know. It actually makes it kind of worse because she could, there's a million songs about cats.

I mean, just the musical cats alone, right? Like, why would she choose a song about a dog for sure? Did she just dye her eyebrows blonde or did she shave them off? I was trying to figure that out in some of these. And in one of the videos, she's listening to her own music. This is the thing. It's just like Madonna is, you know how Mariah Carey makes her children sing her songs and makes a lot of content having to do with her own songs?

And it's like, we get it Mariah, but somehow it also still works for her. Madonna doing the same thing, constantly talking about herself, constantly talking about her legacy, playing her own songs and her videos, but it's, it is not working for her. I think really what the difference is that it seems that like Madonna is having, or on the outside, as just from my perspective, seems like Madonna is having some sort of like mental issues or like is going through something. And Mariah Carey, everything she does is very calculated.

Right. There is a reason why she does every single thing, including bowing down to Dolly Parton. That was a really good move. I love this article. That was a really good move. Talk about calculated. Yeah.

Mariah Carey, gravy, gravy, where's the gravy? You know I'm always upset because Mariah Carey just likes to push right past. the Empress of Thanksgiving right to Christmas and we know that she's hawking her Christmas wears already but there's one person that she does bound down to and it's certainly not the

other bitch try to be the queen of thanks of queen of Christmas but Dolly Parton said now don't you say that I'm not going to compete with Mariah I love her you think of Christmas you think of Mariah Carey I'm happy to be second in line

to being Queen of Christmas to her. And isn't that so beautiful that we asked if Dolly Parton thought that she was the queen of Christmas. She said, no, Mariah Carey is. And then Mariah Carey in turn was like, you are the queen of everything, the queen of the world, the queen of Christmas, the queen of mine. Love you. I love that she immediately backed down to Dolly Parton because if she went to head to head with Dolly Parton, Mariah knows better than that. She knows what fight she can win. and what she is going up against and how gracious Dolly Parton is

that if she went in hard of like, hell no, everyone's gonna turn their back. Like, you can't go against Dolly Parton. She is our goddess. Like, that is my goddess. Also, like, we talked about this before because she was trying to trademark the phrase Queen of Christmas.

And they try to make a spin it like, she's trying to do that to like get one over on all the other bitches, right? Or whatever it is. But instead, it's like, no, she just wants to sell merch. She's not like trying to trademark that title to be like,

see whatever that lady's name is from YouTube Elizabeth Chan. See Elizabeth Chad? I'm the real quick at Christmas. The Court of Law says so. It's like that's not why she's doing it. Okay, okay. MJ, you listen.

Now that it's time, you listen to Elizabeth Chan. I've listened to her music. It is awful. It is awful. Yeah. The most Starbucks. It's not even Starbucks.

It's fucking Caribou coffee. I mean, it's unbelievable. It is truly trash. I just feel, I only see poor Elizabeth Chan because it's like a real, if you come at the King, you best not miss situation. Like she just had no idea what she was getting into. Like compare Mariah Carey realizing, you know, I will absolutely defer to Dolly Parton. Compare that to Elizabeth Chan, random lady who makes original Christmas music all year round and wants to call herself the Queen of Christmas coming for Mariah. Girl, do you have any idea what you have done?

No, you don't. You have no idea. It's Pandora's box. In fact, Mariah Carey is a centibite. Wouldn't that be awesome if we found out that, like, this is all of, like, the, you know, all of the pain is pleasure, is all just Mariah Carey preparing us all for the fiery pits of hell? There you go. I love it. I'm with, I will, she, I will be Legion.

I will be Legion. Right? Once the pre-sale start for that, Mariah? Do I need a verified code? I know I just bought a front seat ticket because, I will be, I will, I just bought a front seat ticket because I just clicked on the Jason Momoa strips down in the middle of Jimmy Kimmel interview. Oh, my God.

There's literally nothing else to say about it. It's taken me this long since you brought up Jason Mamoa on this podcast probably eight years ago. And I was like, ah, it's just not for me. But this is what did it. I saw this clip of him on Jimmy Kimmel taking it off. See that ass. All right.

He can indeed get it. He was wearing nothing but his traditional Hawaiian Malo. and he was, I had watched this video of him fishing in just this garment as well. And I was like, yeah, look at him go, look at him go. And then it went viral. So they asked, Jimmy Kimmel asked for him to strip down during his interview as well. And he did. And just, I, it is, it's difficult to look away from.

Yeah, it's a bit of a loincloth for sure. Yeah. I went to a big Molo phase myself back in my mid-30s. How sweaty was your molo? Oh, my God, dude. I mean, it was... Yeah, I mean, it was literally a rag by the end of the day. That was the problem.

I had to keep replacing them every, once every few hours I had to replace it. All right. Isn't it a time for a celebrity experiences over here? Come on now. Oh, my God. It's just because he's descending into, like, already not getting the tickets madness. Yeah, I could heal him. 25 minutes, by the way.

We're getting down the... Home stretch, kiddies. Don't worry. The website's going to crash. It already did for everybody else on the East Coast. So it's going to be a fucking complete asshole. I'm already mad about it. Whatever, Taylor, I love you so much.

And I just want you to raise my child. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. Do you believe it? Did 9-11 cause 50 shades of gray? numbers here.

I love this conspiracy. There's a lot of numbers here. I already know. A lot of characters. This is from Katie who says, the answer is yes in all capital letters. So you don't even need to believe. The answer is yes.

Hey, Holden, it's currently Halloween night. And what have I spent my day doing? That's right, listening to the vocal majesty that is goth mommy herself, Jackie, reading Twilight. After joining the Patreon.

Absolutely. After joining the Patreon as a treat myself moment, Patreon.com, 4 slash page 7. And now I'm doing Ice Planet Barbarians, and I've got to say the torquing that is happening in Ice Planet Barbarians, come and join us. While driving home tonight, I was sent down a worm time of thinking about this certain conspiracy that is absolutely most definitely problematic but saucy as shit book. Oh, I'm sorry, that's absolutely most definitely true. And that if you don't already, you must know that is 9-11 caused the high key problematic but saucy as shit book, 50 shades of gray to be written.

and therefore the BDSM phenomenon to ejaculate itself all over the mainstream. Follow along if you dare. Okay, let's go back to 2001. Holden, you may have learned from your Whizbrew episode on My Chemical Romance that the band was formed after lead singer Gerard Way called up his old buddies

to get the band back together and give it one last shot after witnessing the events of 9-11. Their first album, I brought you my bullets, you brought me your love, is stuffed full of oogie, spooky imagery and heavily focused on vampiric. themes. It is said that Gerard Way, our emo, Lord and Savior, and his shaggy locks of kind of close to

Auburn hair, his piercing topaz eyes and his pale, almost diamond-like skin, acted as a muse for a certain writer and her certain dreamy vampire, leading man in her next novel. That's right, Edward Coleman is and always will be actually just Gerard Way. There is even a song on their first album called Vampires Will Never Hurt You. Sound familiar? Sounds a lot like what Edward constantly promises to ballot throughout the book. That album released in 2002. The first Twilight book, 2005. Was that album the soundtrack while Stephanie Myers was writing out her horny but two Mormon to actually give us the sex scene? We all deserve book. Yes. Also amuse. Can I just say a quick sidebar? Um, and for those of you wondering if Twilight was involved in the wedding ceremony, it was and uh, when Miss Natalie Jean did

read a passage from Twilight during my wedding ceremony. Please continue. It was beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. The next connection is an easy. one. I know at least the page 7 crew, but also most of pop culture has come to realize that 50 shades of gray is absolutely just Twilight fan fiction. So putting two and two together without the horrific events of September 11th, Gerardway would never have called his friends. So my chemical romance, as we know, it would never exist. Stephanie Meyer wouldn't have had her perfect wannabe blood-sucking emo dream beau to lust that is Twilight to inspire her shitty fake Dom leading man, Christian

Gray. Oh, I'm sorry. There's a lot of like run on sentence. is here. Jesus Christ. I love it. I love the energy of this email. I just want to say thank you. Kate was it? Is that who you said? Sent it in a TV? Yes, from Katie. Without the horrific events of September 11th, Gerard Way would have never called his friends. So my chemical romance, as we know it, would never exist. Stephanie Meyer wouldn't have her perfect wannabe blood-sucking emo dream beau to inspire Edward Cullen and E.L. James would have not had the WAP from reading the teenage lust that is Twilight to inspire her shitty fake Dom leading

man, Christian Gray. Boom. 9-11, cause 50 shades of gray. Do you believe? Love you all so much. Please come to Seattle. We have vampires, okay? Seattle and Boston are on our no list. No, I love Seattle and I love Boston more than any other city. They were like, what two towns do you never want to go to that you take a piss on if you could? The entire South. I want to go to the South. I love the South, man.

We want to go. We're not going to any places with Bojangles. I need Bojangles. I need my honey on my chicken biscuit. So you got to fix that. I completely fully believe two tragic events, 9-11 and the creation of 50 Shades of Gray. I do believe that they begat each other. Yep, tragedy.

It's a tragedy sandwich. Yes. Yeah. Who could say which one was more tragic? Yeah. Of course I believe. Yeah, 100%. Absolutely.

And I know that 50 Shades of Gray is just so bad. and problematic in terms of how it talks about consent and BDSM stuff. I just also know that the two people in 50 Shades of Gray are so hot. And every time I think about 50 Shades of Gray, I think about both of them, the guy from the fall and, you know, Dakota, what's her name? And I love both of them. Very problematic for the Kink community. That's what I'm saying. I know.

It's like very bad. Very bad. I know we are supposed to absolutely hate 50 Shades of Gray. And I'm fine with that. All I'm saying is that it is problematic. movie full of hot people who might also be probably... Yeah, I want to go to South Dakota, if you know what I mean. I would have seen her pants area, her pantal region.

Oh, I thought that was like Mount Rushmore? That's a North Dakota. Now I want to see her pants situation. And it's problematic with that guy from the fall. It just plays like a sexual sadist in the fall too, which is, you know, I don't want to be thirsting after that. What a weird thing to get typecast in. I bet he's like such a dark...

I bet he does like, yeah, he's like a little wayfish whatever in the sack too in real life. These guys are never like, really that's scary. You know what I mean? There is another just quick sidebar that I did forget to bring up that Stoufers created a bloody Mary mix that tastes like lasagna. I'm in on that one. I don't know if I want to check my lasagna. Yeah, no, I don't want it to taste like tomato sauce.

I want it to taste like tomato juice. It's an important but subtle difference. And also, the picture of, if you look up Stouffer's Bloody Mary mix, the picture of it is a Bloody Mary mix with cheese. on the rim of the glass and a big piece of lasagna on top with a skewer of olives inside of it. That destroyed me. I don't know why I wrote, what in the holiday Garfield is this? Because I can't, what a, what I feel like this comes from hell. Okay, Jackie, what are you going to drink?

The, you have to choose one or you die. It's the Valvita Martini or the lasagna buddy Mary. God, I guess the lasagna, Bloody Mary. Really? Yeah, I guess I would choose the Velveeta Martini. I already kind of wanted to try it. Sucking back on boozy cheese? Yeah, I mean, you got to have a lot of cheese in your Bloody Mary lasagna, too.

You're right. I have to have. It's a cheese-based food. It's a cheese-based food. Hold on. How about you? Bloody Mary, lasagna, or Velveeta martini? I mean, I'm definitely.

gonna go with the lasagna bloody mary because I just don't think it's that far from what a bloody mary is yeah that's just all I'm saying I'm like I would tell it because bloody mary this is the one time I'm actually like not horrified by the thing let me make you lasagna I think that he just haven't had a good lasagna

it is not that at all it's just it's just that you think a bloody mary tastes like a lasagna we're going to Milwaukee check out last podcastsever.com for show tickets we're going to milwaukee again and when I was in Milwaukee we stayed at this amazing hotel and they had the kind of Bloody Mary where it's just covered in a food.

It's a meal on its own. Like if you were a broke college kid, you would live off of those probably. I want to shout out this place because I found it again when I was looking for hotels for our tour. County Clare, Irish Inn and Pub in Milwaukee. If you are ever in Milwaukee,

stay at the County Clare Irish Inn and Pub. It is unbelievable. The food is unbelievable. It's a magical, weird little place. Has amazing Bloody Marys. I'm giving them a shout out. There's no lasagna in it. There's no lasagna in it.

I just think that, you know, it's the one thing where you can, you kind of throw a bunch of shit at it traditionally. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. Yeah. And it's a tomato-based thing. My problem is when it's disparate, like a cheese martini, right? It's disparate.

It's a, I don't see vodka and cheese married together. I don't see them living a long life together. I don't see them. Everyone said that about me and Jeff, too. Everyone said it. They're vodka and their cheese. They can't be together. Vodka cheese.

Vodka cheese. Are Jeff and I the Velveeta Martini of the network? Oh my God. Yeah, a little bit smooth, a little bit strong. A little bit chunky. I guess it just depends on if you chop up the Velveeta or not. It's time for the list, though. It is time.

Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. There were some surprises on here for you guys. children's books surprisingly written by celebrities, and there are, like, I am, my heart was touched, but the fact that Channing Tatum wrote a story called the one and only Sparkella, and the story is about the relationship between a creative little girl and her dad, reflecting Tatum's relationship with his daughter. I did, there was multiple on this list that I was like, aw, that's why I chose this list today,

because I was like, oh, now I knew about a coat of many colors by Dolly. Parton because there was also the TV movies done called Code of Many Colors. I think there's two of them at this point by Dolly Parton. But what I didn't know is that Lil Nas X wrote

a baby book called Seas for Country. And I know, okay, let's be real here. That's cute. Celebrity sign off on a lot of this stuff. Like I don't know which one of them is like did Lil Nas X? Like, was he the one pushing for this? Is he

the one that was like, I want to write a children's book, but he must, right? Like, you must want to have a venture as a celebrity that you have to say yes to. Yeah. He must be involved in it, right? I think it's reasonable to assume that that was his idea or some high up on his team's idea. I mean, he also, I feel like Lil Nas X talks a lot about, like, youth. Yes. Like, he takes his role as, like, because Old Town Road was such a kid song, I think he actually

takes his role as like somebody who connected with youth and as a model for LGBT. Oh my God. Seriously. Remember that video from that video with the kids? Oh my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. And then that other video where he's given the devil a lap dance.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then I'm sliding. Remember that other video where Jack Harlow is there? And then that's why like, yeah, conservative parents are like baffled. They're like, but he's the devil dance man. And you can't like the devil. I love the conversations where their kids are just like,

I love little non-sex. He's like, don't please, God, no. God, help us, please. I can't wait to hear what you say,

help us please do that when he falls in love with. Right. It'll be, yeah. Although it was great. TikTok dance or something. We had a video call with MJ yesterday and your kids were watching Spider-Man. That's a fun.

Like, that's the kind of thing. I mean, we didn't even talk about the voice of Batman dying. I mean, that's the, the Batman card. to that I grew up on.

And it was very, like the community, Kevin Conroy, just want to say, big ups to you. The community was very, very, very upset that the voice of Batman passed. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Rest in peace. I mean, the voice of Batman for a couple of different generations,

you know, between the Arkham games and Batman animated series. And, you know, I was reading that article you sent Jagging. It was so true. He perfectly balanced, like, the gruffness and, like, the hardness of Batman with, like the vulnerability and like that's such a difficult thing to pull off then is why most other takes of Batman are just like brabac bad bad bad bad you know what I mean and

instead of like having this really kind of gentle kind of thing going on as well so anyways rest in peace to him also going back to your kids watching stuff MJ I have something for you listener L Kirst tagged this on Instagram hidden Valley's ranch on a branch. And that is to replace Elf on a shelf. Yeah. They're doing ranch and a branch. Meet Ranchi.

He's a little ranch man that sits on, you can put him on the shelf. And I don't know if he's filled with actual ranch or not. This is a good idea because some toddlers will like eat any vegetable if you let them dip it in ranch. Not my children. My children are not sauce children. And get huge. And get huge.

No, and I wasn't a sauce child either. get it, but, but kids love ranch. I love ranch on a branch. Does the ranch on a branch? Is it snitch on a branch as well? Or is it just, you know? It's just a little smiling ranch bottle with legs and arms. Yes.

I support it. I support it. Maybe ranch on a branch is slightly, um, less annoying than Al-Fana Shelfl, though, you know, all the things that I was judging about before becoming a parent. I still, I'm not going to do Al-Fondisholv because it looks like too much work. But there were so many things before I was like, that sucks. Meal kits, I think meal kits are dumb. I think Elf on a Shelf is dumb.

And now I'm just like, you know what? Do whatever makes you and your family. Yeah, whatever makes the family. As long as it's not like creepy, homophobic or hateful or something. Yeah, yeah. If Elf on a Shelf is a tradition that you like, I say God bless it. I say God bless it. Yeah.

Unless the command dance, the Tooby-Tuby Tide or what was it called again? Tudita. Tudita. Did I tell you that the four kids in my brother's wedding, it was my two little kids, and then my sister-in-law's two little niece and nephew, and they were all about to fucking lose it right before they had to walk down the aisle. Like every, you know, it was like ages three through seven. Right.

Everybody was just over it. And they were just about to have to do their thing. And they needed to wait three minutes until they walked on the aisle. And I was like, who wants to do tutita? And I had never met the other two kids before. And everyone was like, yeah. And so we did tutita, like, right before the wedding music started. We just, like, in the corner.

And that's how the indoctrination starts. And yeah, fall in line. Don't ask questions. Do what the authority figure tells you. Do what the authority figure says you. Never question the government. Never questioned the policies of the White House. Tungs out.

Elven's back. Knees apart. Bees together. It sounds like you are a human turkey as you sing it, too. And all's, but? Or I guess it's a chicken. Together. And now Tudita is just in my head all the time so that when I have to give my kids any command, I'll be like, shoes up.

Brush. That's so smart. Yeah, it works. Holden had a big, just to know what happened. It got down to 10 minutes and then just went into an error screen. Oh, no. Oh, no. I just am.

Angry for the wrong. Is it done? Is it done? It just turned, went to an error screen at 10 minutes left. No. Hold it. Error 503 back in. Dot max underscore con reached. No.

And now it's not up. I knew this is going to happen. Oh, no. This is exactly what happened to my brother, too. God, you've done this. God has wrought this upon me. I'm too powerful. It's unbelievable.

I can't believe it just did that. I've just been on this page since, like, for an hour and a half. Anyways, what else is Natalie Portman wrote a Fables. You don't care about the list anymore. You only care about Taylor Smith. Don't lie to us. Holtz's like weeping, what else is on the list? I mean, I foretold.

My brother said the same exact thing. You know, I think, you know, I don't know what to tell you to, um, soothe you, Holden, but what I do know is that you'll be able to buy the tickets. They're just going to be about five years as much. $5,000. A ticket. Because it's the biggest pop act on the planet. You know, Winnie's not really old enough to understand what Christmas is yet anyway.

So you could just redirect whatever funds you have, save for Winnie's Christmas and send it to yourself for a Taylor Swift concert. I think that's... Yeah. When mommy and daddy are happy, Winnie is happy. That's what you can explain to her on Christmas morning. Put your own oxygen mask on first, you know? Yes. By the way, I have BJ Novax, the book.

with no pictures. Is it good? Really good. Yeah, it's really cute. Hell yeah. I was thinking about getting this one. I didn't know if this is too, not too advanced,

I guess too advanced, or not advanced enough for Winnie, because Lexi is a purple person. And Kristen Bell wrote a book called The World Needs More Purple People. The Good Play Star teamed up with hard to tell a story about purple people who ask really good questions

to encourage a child's curiosity, ability to relate to others, and outright silliness. I encourage that with Lexi, but also Lexi just really likes to color purple. So I feel like that is... I'm going to say, what do you mean? Lexi's a purple person.

She's a purple person. I put her into... No, I know that she loves purple. I see. All right, now, this for Tickabaster, we apologize for the interruption. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties. Our team is working to resolve this.

You knew about this hours ago. You knew this was going to happen. Anyways, what's the next book? Kevin Hart wrote a book. It's the blind items. It's your time. You're blind. Oh, okay.

Oh, how do you do it? You want us to do me? Oh, yeah, do you want us to do it? I'm just going to be hitting the refresh button over and over again while I do this. This is perfect timing, man. This is very great. Blind, I know. Oh, I'm sorry.

I think I'll kill you. I'll kill you. I think I'm going blind. Oh, we can't see him. Fucking who gives a shit. Not anything anymore. Who cares about anything? There's no point.

Why get up? Why even get up this morning? Why even get out of bed? You have a wife and a child. You have things to live. Why even do it? Why even have that? If I can't regale them with my time at the concert.

You know, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you, Olden. It's just really is true. We just revel in our unhappiness. You know, and I think that it's, I think it's a fun dialogue. I just knew it too.

I was like, I'm waking up today. I was like, today's the day. I get really disappointed by Ticketmaster. Anyways, this former A-list actress who is an offspring of a former A-list actor says there have been talks to reboot the buddy comedy movie that everyone loves. We did an episode on it. Who fucking cares. It's Romeo Michelle's high school reunion and Samira Zerfino.

You're not even giving us a show. The blind item. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. We love Romeo and Michelle's high school reunion. I would have like to guess that. Yes, we do. We did an episode.

We did an episode on it. It's fine. Servino said that during a recent today appearance, there's nothing official to report, but I can unofficially hint that we're closer than we've ever been to getting something to happen. I can't say anything, but something might be in the works.

Servino, you just said something. So you just say I can't say anything is complete nonsense. Moving along. It's not her fault. The Ticket Masters is fucked up. I'll take this out on Roby and Michelle's high school reunion or Mira Sorvino. No.

Oh, wow. It looks like the always a holdout in the girls group reunions is set to join for a few days. She was talked into it last weekend by others in the group. Wait, don't say anything. Girls group reunion. I'm not. Always a holdout in a girls group union. It's got to be a spice, right?

Mm, yes, potentially, yeah. The one who's married to David Beckham. Yeah, it's posh, Victoria Beckham. They recently reunited at Jerry Horner's 50th birthday party. fucking this foreign A-list mostly movie actor You're being

You're being bad You're being bad. You're taking it out On us Spice Girls You did this to me You did this You prayed to my God

And said to not give me The tickets All I ever wanted to think Was her I didn't even get on my knees. This foreign born A list mostly movie actor Oh

What a galavan About the town for him who is in at least his third movie franchise has been texting the Sticks singer. You're weirdly horny about him or whatever, Jackie. The Sticks singer is a weird play on words for who the singer is. Wait, he's a British.

He's in a franchise. He's in a romantic comedy where it ended up being 9-11 to bring 9-11 back into it. It wasn't a comedy. It was just a romance. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't really a comedy.

That's a weird. Yeah, it wasn't a comedy. The singer, she is a pole dancer. and she has letters for a name. J-Lo. No, she has letters for a first name. And the last name is the sticks reference. And she was with a guy from Transformers,

and they had a messy divorce. Or maybe they just broke up. And she was like, oh, you were bad to me in a violence way, an emotional violence way. F-K-T-T-Wiggs. F-K-A-Twigs. That was a hilarious description. I don't know.

I wish it had this had happened after the episode. All right, I got one more for you. We mentioned him already in the show. This A-list dual threat actor who was also a superhero almost got in trouble on a long flight back to the U.S. He was a little drunk and a lot belligerent. He finally calmed down, but he definitely pushed it to the Limit.

Jackie's horny for him also. That doesn't care what to him. We talked about him already in the episode. He is... Jason Mamoa. Jason Mamoa. I let the record show that I got it before holding him game up online.

You did. You did. He's given up. He's giving up. We'll just keep going. We got to go let him cry. Oh, it's still broken, guys. So I'm going to find a bridge.

Back to you, Jaggie. Oh, this is it. This is it. We finally broke holding. And all it took was just one little attempt at getting tickets. You thought he was broken before, but you didn't know how much more broken he could get. No. You listened to a man break today.

And how do you feel about that? You made it through his breakdown. And we're all getting through it together. Thank you guys so much for joining our episode of page seven. Now next week we are going to be watching the new Lindsay Lohan. Oh, obviously, instant holiday classic falling for Christmas. We are going to be doing a watch along as the network will be the work-wise network will be off next week. So we are going to be getting that into you for next week.

And so watch it along with us. We're going to have a blast. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jacketworm. You can also go over to bigjacky.com where we've got some merch starting to roll out over there. And it is lots of fun. We're going to have even more stuff over there.

And if you ever need to contact me in other ways, you can hit me up over on big jacky.com. And also come hang out with me over on twitch. TV forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie on Sundays and Wednesdays and Tuesdays. All right. My name is Holda McNeely. and I am happy for life. Don't pretend.

Don't know. But I told him to be really, I'm a functioning man. I'm alive and present. Twitch.com. Holdenators ho. Monday through Friday, I stream there, and I'll definitely be streaming every single night of the week

because I can't go to this concert on Thursday in August of next year. And I would also like to say Patreon.com, forward slash page seven podcast. Please consider it $5. We've got ad-free episodes. We've got weekly bonus content

one could only dream of. We've got $10 to join us for the Jersey Shore Watchlong on our Discord. And also thank you again for sending in all of your conspiracy theories. I definitely have some I'm still working through, but please, if you've got anything, send it to page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

Page the number seven podcast at gmail.com. Take it away, MJ. I cannot wait to watch this Lindsay Lohan movie. I'm just going to say that. We're going to have such a good time. And my name is MJ K. Elcat. And no, my name is MJ, but my Instagram handle is MJK. Alcat.

And also, don't forget November 30th, we are going to be having our strict-sponsored Tinder and Dating AppStream Help over on Twitch. com. TV forward slash Holdenators Ho. On November 30th, 5 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. 8 p.m. and standard time, and we can't wait to see you there. Hell yeah. Hang out with us on turkey day, turkey day, turkey day.

Because I have been so wrapped up in the friggin wedding that I haven't even thought about Thanksgiving enough. And now I'm exploding with Thanksgiving. Time to sing the song. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. We're going to read up till you. Oh, you know it.

It is time for the shoutouts. I just want to say thank you guys so much for sending in such amazing things to the page 7 podcast at gmail.com email center. That's what I'm calling it. It's not an inbox. It's an email center. And I just wanted to say I love you guys very much for taking the time to just, you know, I appreciate the Riverdale updates, Crystal. and I just want to say that I love you guys so much, and I really appreciate you taking the time.

Anyway, it's time for the shoutouts, and again, you can send in your own shoutouts, if you would like, to page seven podcasts. That is seven the number, page seven podcast at gmail.com, because you know I love to read them. Because you know I love to read them. First up, it's Ryan. Today something happened that motivated me

to shout out myself and my partner, Justin. I love this, Ryan. I just want to say sidebar. Thank you so much, Ryan, for sending this in because this is a great way to deal with intrusive thoughts, but I will continue. What motivated me was such a small thing. I named all the members of BTS,

their choreographer, their managers, names that I could remember, their CEO. Then I named all the characters in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, all of them that I could remember. So, of course, I mentioned Willow, which reminded me of the movie Willow, so I named all of the characters I could think of from that movie, dot, dot, dot. I listed things I knew by heart.

I listed stuff I knew wouldn't be difficult to conjure up in my mind, and I, for the first time, broke the cycle of terrifying and truce of thoughts that have been taking over my mind and giving me panic attacks every time I drive. On December 4th, 2020, I was in a car accident. My partner was driving and my son was in the back seat. We were driving the speed limit on the highway when someone pulled out in front of us going the opposite direction on a two-lane road. If my partner wasn't so quick with his first,

reflexes, I very probably wouldn't be here today. With no time to think my partner shot the gap between the offending car and the car they were trying to pass and made it. They ended up hitting my side of the car, but bounced off of us and mainly damaged the front end. No one else in my family was injured but me, and my injuries weren't too severe. I was bruised like a banana and my ankle was broken, but the mental scars I received from this had far outweighed the physical. I still remember vividly how the car crumpled around my body. The dashboard pinned my legs together and the door hugged me on my side. I always think about how an inch was the difference between life and death, and I remind my partner that he's my fucking hero all the time, which he then says I'm not allowed to

give him crap about too much every time he's playing video games anymore. L.O.L. Tuchy. These thoughts of doom and death have plagued me since that day. Now, this is all background and context to explain why I'm really proud of myself. I have lived with crippling anxiety for two years now. I took a break from work. I stopped making plans that I needed to drive for. I still can't drive over 55 without trouble breathing correctly and white knuckling at the whole time. Even social interactions feel away and far off. The anxiety had bled into so many aspects that have nothing to do with driving or cars. But I found something. Something that really actually broke the cycle. And I think that's worth a shout out. Of course it's worth a shout out, Ryan. I'm so fucking proud of you. It's so hard to get out of

those thoughts. And of course it affects so many aspects of your life. You went through a traumatic event. And especially with cars, they go so fast. And especially when you're not in control of other people driving, as someone that has, or at least has battled my anxiety with driving, I completely understand. And all my love goes out to you, Ryan. And thank you so much for sharing a great tactic to help with intrusive thoughts. And now we're on to Katie. And Katie, thank you so much for the congrats. That's my name.

Shout out to you and to the rest of page 17. Y'all got me through grad school and you've continued to get me through my first four months as a therapist. Wowie, Zowie is approximately the vibe. I guess also shout out to me for being a whole real therapist now. But mostly shout out to all you, sweet, beautiful people. We did it, Joe. Much love to you all, Katie. Much love to you.

Katie. So proud of you. Oh my God, and congrats on being a therapist. We need more of you in this world. And last but not least, we have Chels. Chal says I'm writing in to celebrate my 23rd birthday, November 15th. Congratulations and happy birthday, baby. I was going to ask my partner to write me one, but this year has been a shit show. And I want to give myself a pat on the back because damn it, I deserve it. It's my Blink 182 day, which I love. that it's your Blink 182 birthday, and between realizing I have ADHD, trying to finish my degree, thinking about grad school, getting evicted while I had COVID, and leaving my comfort job for a new one in a totally different field, I think I'm over-feeling 22. I'm sorry, Taylor, and I'm sorry, Holden, okay?

Page 7 has been my go-to podcast since basically forever. And listening to everyone's shout-outs has made me so happy. It was the shout-outs that made me realize that I deserve to celebrate myself and introduce myself in a way that isn't self-depreciating. Hell yeah. So, hi, I'm Chels. I'm almost done with my bachelor's degree where I have a major in linguistics. Two minors, history and gerontology. I don't even know if I'm saying that right. And a certificate. German. I'm smart, caring, and make incredible blondies. Oh, yes, please. I'm finally starting to feel like a version of myself that I kept hidden for so long, because she's, shame and self-doubt is so yesterday, and I'm no longer here for it.

I'm getting back into reading and burning through the Riverdale novels, which, oh my God, I can't believe I didn't read these sooner. They make me want to start a TikTok just to talk about their insanity. And loving the Riverdale talk on the Discord, it makes my heart fly. If y'all ever go on tour to Vancouver, I personally volunteer to be your chauffeur. Fuckable fish optional. Uh-oh. Here's to another trip around the sun.

everybody watch out because nobody likes you when you're 23. That's not true. I'll love you at 23, Chels. And I'm so fucking proud of you. Hell yeah. Thank you so much for writing in to build yourself up and not take ourselves down because it's so easy to do when we fall into that cycle all the time. Hell yeah, Charles.

I hope you have a great fucking birthday. And I send all of my love to you guys. And thank you so much again for writing in to page 7 podcast at gmail. I hope you guys have an amazing Thanksgiving if you are here in the States, and I hope you feel my bosom around you all day on Thanksgiving. And also come to hang out with us on Thanksgiving morning over on Twitch.combe forward slash Holdenators Ho, where we will be gobble, goblin, and getting hammered with the best of them. Love you guys so much. Have a great week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.