Page 7 - Ep. 474: We're Making Hot Dog Chains For the Christmas Tree

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

This week we're gossin' 'bout OG Papa Z's sicc ass bars, the blessed few who consume the weekend party pack of cigarettes without crippling addiction, a dose of Hot Dog Chat, R. Kelly's in-prison album drop and continued (unfortunate) existence, the horrors caused by an Espresso Martini at 1 am, Shania Twain updating That Don't Impress Me Much, Celine Dion's Stiff-Person Diagnosis, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Does Leonardo Dicaprio only date women who like farts?!, THE LIST, BLINDZ, AND SHOUTZZZZ!!!! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm MJ. And I'm Holden from the page 7 podcast, and we're going on tour! That's right, we're touring all up in this motherfreak freaking country. I'm fake cursing so whatever, Jackie. Just say the filthy F word already. And we will say the filthy F word when we come to your town. That's right.

We're coming to Texas, the Midwest, the Northeast, and then right back here in Cali, baby. For ticket links and more details, visit lastpodcastnetwork.com. That's right. Lastpodcastnetwork.com. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present. Release the butthole cut. Wait, that's really what we're calling the tour? Absolutely.

Release the butthole cut. For more information, go to lastpodcast network.com. Who's ready for Christmas wrapping paper? I think I got a little plan for you to look on NM.J.'s face. Yeah, what the fuck? I was trying to bring in the funk. If we got a little dance or do, nink you my like it. Uh-oh.

And then we're going to hide away. Make love all night. You can cry out of all watching it's a wonderful life. I think of my life. Wicker, rick, rick, wook. Wook. Wick, wick, wook. Absolutely.

Yeah. Did you like the remix? Wow, hip-hop talents of Jackie Zabrowski. That was amazing. You've really taught me so much about rapping and about, you know. Every year, whenever it is Christmas time, whenever we say to our father that we're going to go do Christmas rapping, and he goes, oh, you're rapping? Nothing is shaking, but.

the leaves on the trees and they wouldn't be shaking if it wasn't for the breeze. And that's what he says every time the word wrapping is said inside of our house for Christmas. Welcome to our Christmas. Is it, is it? I mean, I'm impressed with your dad. That he has a rap in his pocket. My dad doesn't have a pocket wrap. Yeah.

He doesn't have just like a just pull it out, throw it, shake it around. No, not at all. He doesn't even know what rapping is. He still thinks all music's easy listening. Jeff gets annoyed when I say it every. single time you say the word rapping. And I don't know why. Man, what a

iconic Christmas like staple to like be an adult and get your adult sibling and be in your parents' house and be like, we need to go to a different room away from everyone else where we will wrap our presents. Oh, so nice.

So good. Yeah, you got to. You got to do it and you got to do it with putting the bailies in the coffee. And there's like, no, we got to have our coffee. in here when you're tried and lie about it, even though we're all in our 30s and you can't just say, like, I gotta go wrap some presents.

I'm like, mom, just to stay away from here for a while. And I'm like to become like a newsy of sorts. Yeah, absolutely. Is that your favorite way to sneak booze into your system at home? Bailey's in the coffee. I feel like the eggnog is always a good one. I think we get some room wine. We usually set ourselves up with some room wine.

Just bottles of wine in the room. It's like you're in prison. I was like, what are you making some sort of sour mash in the toilet? I feel like I'm in prison because when I go, I have to like, you know, make sure it's a screw off top. Otherwise, we have to sneak back downstairs and, like, grab a bottle opener and make sure it gets back in the drawer before they wake up. And, oh, it's just. You're going to be 40 years old. Yes, absolutely.

We almost got room wine for the apartment when my mom visited. We were like, we should probably get some bottles in our bedroom. In my own room in my own apartment. That's rough. Yeah, yeah. In my own home, I'm drinking secretly in the bedroom. We've got to get your room edibles, your room wine. Yes, room edibles, room wine.

You have to have the whole stock. You've got to be like the bad kid at high school. You got like a book bag with like, you know, just all the goods in it. It's all clinking as you go through the house. Click, click, click. I'm like, don't worry about my backpack, mom. It's just my studies, mom. Your studies.

What are you? Are you back in school? I'm like, yes, I'm learning to be a doctor. Yeah. A doctor of killing people. What? I mean, you know what I mean? I just start flailing.

Yeah, you got to flail. I just remember when my mom found Capri 120s in a pocket of mine. I don't remember Capri 120s. Is that a cigarette? They're really, long cigarettes. They're like cools. Yeah. Except they're really, really thin.

And my mom's like, I hope you're not smoking these. But more about the fact that like she wouldn't want me to be smoking Capri 120. Don't be smoking those. And so she immediately assumed they weren't mine because she's like, you wouldn't be smoking something so tiny. There's no way that you would. Did you go through a cloves phase?

Of course I did. Bally High's, bitch. Yeah, I remember the club. I never was addicted to cigarettes, which I feel very thankful for because I have seen how hard of an addiction it is to be. Brutal.

The clothes, man. Represent. Holden I represent. Yeah. I'm proud of you guys. All you smokers and ex-smokers was rise up. If I can do it. If I can do it.

it. You can do it too. I promise you. This is the thing. I have everyone, I always say about my brother, but it's really about everybody I know who is a smoker. Like, everyone I know who's a smoker, I was like, they're never going to quit smoking because they smoke cigarettes. And then everybody, I think everybody I know has quit at this point. It is such a change. It's so funny. You either have to be like that and you'll live to be 100. Like you have to smoke like three packs a day. You'll live to be 100 somehow. No one understands why. Or you have to like totally quit. It can't be anywhere in between. Yeah.

And we were talking when we were on tour about how there's some people who can have like their little like fun party weekend pack of cigarettes. But like no one I know who is addicted to cigarettes can do that because it's just like, no. I'm so jealous. Never get it near me, you know. I know these people. They're like, oh, we're on a fun party weekend. I'm going to be bad and get a pack of cigarettes.

That would ruin my, like, Lexington would consider leaving me. I started smoking again immediately. If I started smoking because I would absolutely start smoking. but there's no, I cannot have, it's so funny too, because the first couple will make me ill. And then I just can't get enough. And then it's fucking pretzel time.

I can't get enough. Once I pop, I cannot stop. I have to continue. If you're thinking about quitting, please check out Alan Carr's easy way to quit smoking. It helped Holden and I. We don't work for them. I am not aligned with them in any way, shape, or form,

but it just gave me the terminology to help me get my, like, dig my way out of it. Also, check out Allen Cars, the hard way to quit methamphetamine. Yeah, baby. Ooh, we. It's just like, take a long walk down a bridge. Yeah.

This is our first Christmas without Olivia Newton, John. And I feel and rest in peace. RIP. I watch a thing you might like it by myself, like almost in the middle of the night last night. And I just like one single tear came down my face. And I was like, Jackie, are you genuinely crying while watching? I think you might like it. I know.

That's what it. Yes. The sad, we've been listening to slash watching. I think you might like it on this show every Christmas time for got to be at least 10 years now. This is our 10th anniversary. Is it? Yes. Wow.

It came out 10 years ago. Yeah, so happy 10th anniversary, MJ, of us watching this for 10 years straight. All right. 10 years, and in that 10 years, disturbingly, it has gone from an irony watch to a sincerity watch. Like I actually watch that music video, if we're calling it that. And I actually do. Oh, we're calling it that. I'm sorry.

Do you want to call it a music experience the way we refer to cats as a filmic experience during the release the Buthole Cut tour? You know, because it's so poorly done. It's hard to even call it a video. You know, it's really, it is. You add the word home to the front of it. Yeah. It's a home video.

It's like filmed in a car dealership is. still landing on is what the airport setting is. But I completely went from something we would just laugh at hysterically to now. Yeah, I had to watch it for some, probably for show prep or something, live show prep. And I was just like, man, it really does feel good to come home. And I'm absolutely. It does. Unbelievable.

I have aged into the target demographic for that song since we discovered that song. And the military man and the dog and the boy, all of it. It is just a magical time. Also, I see the first news article here. Shout out to Mariah Carey, who snorted some of Olivia Newton-John's ashes in order to become a more powerful queen of Christmas. God, I would watch that in a heartbeat. Please make that the Mariah Christmas special of her just snorting up people's ashes trying to get their essence. Also.

We're the lonely camp of being the only people who associate Olivia Newton-John with Christmas. No one else does that because she's not a Christmas artist. Whoa. Absolutely. In fact, if anything they associated with like the school year or the summer. Yeah, neither, not you either, Elizabeth Chan. Haunting my memories. Don't get me started. Please, in the car, all Jack I wanted to talk about was her vile just fantasies about

what she would do to Elizabeth Chan. Yeah, I'd wrap her up like a Christmas present. And we're like, can we just talk about, can we talk about anything? Let's play a road game. Let's point it signs. That's right. We're coming off of the Northeast tour. It was incredible, by the way.

Philly, D.C., Brooklyn. You guys were amazing. We had such a blast. The audiences have, the reaction to the show has been incredible. Now I feel like it's just one giant victory lap because the show went off. We finally got all the nerves out. We got all that, all that hesitation of like, is this, you know, it was weird thinking we were going to get on stage to be like, hey, everybody, cats, right?

And everyone's going to be like, we don't fucking like this show. Yeah. We hate you. You know what I mean? Bring out the Beastie Boys. We're like, we're not that we don't have Beastie Boys. We don't even know them, you know what I mean? But instead, they loved the show, it seemed.

And so many fun, and to all you spouses out there who went to either to either have to get through the Wizard of the Brunsaparte or the page seven onslaught of just both sets, though, by the way, in hindsight, are full of the such weird horniness, I would say. If I were to rename the show, I would call it like weirdly horned. horny at it again. Weirdly horny adults. Yeah. Unexpectedly horny. Thought you came for pop culture, dirt culture left with just pure unfettered horniness.

But I think it really went great. And yeah, I'm just so excited to go to the Midwest. Minneapolis. We've got Milwaukee and we've got Chicago. The best time of year. So excited. Give me all your hot dogs. Oh, that's right.

Hot. Ready for hot dogs. We're in dog country. We're in dog country. You're going to see Jackie eat a dog in a real. We better. Oh, yeah. We better be used, you know what?

If you're going to be this ambassador, I feel like I have not. I'm going to go ahead and throw this shade out there. I don't think I've seen Jackie eat a hot dog all year. Wow. We don't watch the TikToks that I make where I make big talks of eating hot dogs. Did you make a spaghetti dog yet? No, I haven't made a spaghetti dog yet. But just because, like, don't get me wrong, I love the snap of a boiled hot dog.

Yeah. But when I'm at my, in my home base, I don't usually boil my hot dogs. So that's what, but spaghetti hot dogs, I mean, if you were one regard. Now, are you talking about taking the hot dogs and cutting them into like an octopus? Or are you talking about piercing the hot dog with a piece of spaghetti through the hot dog? Yeah, I didn't realize option one was an option. What? Yeah, yeah.

They tag you. And then sometimes they tag all of them. us in hot dog content. So I get exposed to a lot of hot dog content. And I recently, it really stuck with me. I don't know why this one resonated with me. But you push, maybe because I was like, this is like an arts and crafts project. And I think I spent about four seconds thinking, would my children eat this?

And then I moved on and you pushed the hard uncooked spaghetti. Yes. Through the uncooked hot dog, much like a crap, like the way that you would use a, the way that you would make like a pasta noodle chain for your Christmas tree, you know, when you're a little kid. Oh my God, MJ. Did you just give me a great idea? Do you hear that, Linda?

We're making hot dog chains for the Christmas tree. This is my problem with this. This is actually a really smart idea. My whole problem with this is that this is starting to move into Beanie Weeny and Ween territory. And if you know anything about me in my history, if you know anything, if you listen to Roundtable, gentlemen back in the day,

The Beanie Weenie is the bane of my existence. I told this Beanie weenie story back that involves a lot of vomiting and bad stuff. So I don't want to bring that imagery to the show. But let's just say I have trauma from the meal that is Beanie Weenie's. But I dare to say that the little links, little sausage links, like the tiny, what are they called tiny Jannies? A little Viena sausages that come in a Lucan? Tiny Jani's. I think that they are not a hot dog.

I laid that a box. We gotta get a German to weigh in on this. We're getting into like epistemology of what is a sausage. Yeah, now we're getting into like, is a taco, a sandwich a little bit, right? I mean, what are they then? What do you call them? They're a sausage, but the question is, is a hot dog a sausage. You're right, Holden, it is.

It's like a square is a rectangle, rectangle's not a square. A hot dog is a sausage. Those little blue canned sausages. A sausage is a ground meat mixture often stuffed in a casing. Well, a hot dog is a type of sausage served hot in a long roll and topped with various condiments. Keyword is long. And that's why I agree with Jackie now. Keyword was long in that descriptor. That tiny dog, I would not, would you look at that tiny whatever you want to call it? No, you wouldn't say that's a long, no, you wouldn't even say that. I don't think I've ever seen

anybody look at a can of V and his sausage just and say, that's a can of tiny hot dogs. Tiny hot dogs. In a can. Oh my God. Just beautiful. Tiny hot dogs from the grocery store. I'm picking some stuff up. But maybe I should say, I admit it, I admit it. I admit it. I admit it. I know we agreed.

We weren't going to talk about that. Do not endorse Robert Kelly. I admit it. We do not endorse R. Kelly. But we cannot, we cannot not bring up the album, I admit it by R. Kelly that he dropped with unauthorization from prison. He OJ'd it. He was like, you know what? OJ seems to have really built up his goodwill by writing.

He's on Twitter. Everybody loved when OJ did that. So I'll do that too, and I'll make it a song. I'm just going to go in and say, do not read the lyrics to the main song, the titular song. So, of course, the album immediately got ripped off of iTunes, got ripped off of Spotify. But of course, you can still listen to it on YouTube. and I try, I didn't, I was like, well, at least if I'm going to listen to part of it. And I did like, squeench through because I think where is it, 3610 is where I admit it.

And in parentheses, it says, I did it, which is the name of the song, I admit it, I did it. And I listened to it. And it is just, man, the lyrics are upsetting. Yeah. I mean, it is just a failure on so many counts how this happened. Like, how did this happen? Have we seen, is this going to be the era that we look back on? I mean, I think starting with the Me Too movement, right?

But it's like the era of the celebrity downfall. Like we talk about how 2008 was the era of like not understanding mental health very well and kind of the press taking advantage of that. And also celebrities, they're not just like us. They're stupid. Like that was like the era of that. And now it's the era of just these mammoth, colossal fumbles of just. and then the attempt to bring it.

It gets Shakespearean after a while. Like the inability to say it's over for me. I'm done. Yes. I need to go away. My name is R. Kelly, and I'm never coming back from this. Yeah. I'm never coming back for this.

They just can't. They can't handle it. You know, like, Cosby's giving speeches in prison. You've got, you know, I mean, all these people just like, they just get totally wiped out. And then they still try. They're like, but what if I put a, book on tape out about it. Would that make, you know what I mean?

I mean, it's just unbelievable. And some people who still, you know, Chris Brown just got a fucking award or whatever. And then got, and then the person who accepted it, like, scorned the audience for having a negative reaction to that fucking nightmare person. It is just unbelievable.

But it is wild to watch people try to, like, just try to keep it going somehow. Their celebrity or their, the output of work or whatever. It's like unbelievable. It's, um, it's, I would, it's both shocking and at the same time, it's like right on the money. It's like right exactly what you would expect, I guess at the end of the day, you know, and then,

and I feel like it's whatever the, yeah, it's like cancel culture isn't a very helpful phrase for it, right? Because sometimes people really do disappear and like can't really come back, but most of these people try quite hard and successfully do come back. Hopefully, R. Kelly's in a different category, but. Maybe it's this. maybe it's circulation culture or syndication culture rather. I think sometimes if a show gets canceled, it gets canceled.

But if the show at 100 episodes, it goes into syndication. So maybe that's what this curse is of certain people have just such a ridiculous amount of fame and a body of work. I mean, the big example that we can say we all kind of have to admit we still hear a song from or whatever and enjoy is Michael Jackson, right? By all means, it was like, canceled, dumb. the thing happened, it's over, but then we're all still just like, but thriller, it's Halloween and, you know,

that music video's like, yeah, I don't know. So it just is so. But our Kelly, man, go away and never, ever, ever come back. It's like, there's, like, you know, decades and decades of, like, Michael Jackson's art that is, like, now is out there and it's like,

you can't hear it without thinking about what we know about him. Yes. You can't really, but it's like so easy to surgically extract R. Kelly from our lives. Yes. We do not, all we have to do is take off remix to ignition off our playlist. Yes. Was it sad?

Yes. Did maybe other people have more relationship with his music than just remixed to ignition? Sure. But it's just like there is just no, nothing to lose by completely excising that man. I will pour a little bit of liquor out as well for coming out the closet, which was just an amazing comedy piece that we all. all got to enjoy for a little while there in, what was it, the early 2010s. Right, there was a while where you would just say, I'm trapped in the closet.

But again, I can go to the rest. Trapped in the closet rather. Yeah, yeah, I wish it was called Coming Up Before. I could go the rest of my life without saying it's trapped in the closet, you know, even though it's still in there. Same with I can go the rest of my life without saying it's the freaking weekend. It wouldn't have me some fun, even though that phrase was, is, I'll probably be saying it when I've lost my mind, you know, it's still a thing.

You do have all those epic party weekends. And so I know that that is going to be such a loss for you. Because even at this point in your life, like, didn't you do like a 48-hour, like, just a jello-shot Rager this last weekend? I think it was there. That's what we call our tour. Come on.

Oh, Jell-Shall-Rager. I did zero jello shots this whole week. Oh, my God, yes. I mean, multiple ices, but zero jello shots. Multiple ices. And I'm going to say this, that green apple ice was delicious. Ah, yeah, yeah.

It goes down like candy. But that's the thing is do you want to slam a bunch of liquid candy? Uh-huh. Back when I was 16, absolutely, yes. You do, but then you realize about two hours later you get a terrible stomachache, and that's why you don't drink malt liquor that tastes like that. Oh, man. Are your fucking stomach's ready for that onslaught again?

I mean, just fast food. Tour Life, man, is wild. I will say, though, shout-outs to the fourth. four of us, Jake Young included for Was the Bruiser. We road trip awesomely together. We were getting in there talking about spirituality and life. Well, my face was pressed up against a window because it was so over. Well, Jackie, I was thrown up into her bag of edibles because that's the only bag she had.

You know that Jackie was hung over when she needed a bag to drink. And she took out a bag full of animals. I put out the bag of animals. You didn't even make an effort to dump out the animals. You got to dump them out. I wasn't thinking, man. We're still trying to figure out how and Wyatt Abbott. Jackie got bizarrely hung over the second day,

even though by all accounts, she did not seem that drunk. Dude, it's because I'm old and I don't drink that much anymore. And so then even just the, like, a solid amount, I was just out, down for the count, man. To be fair, you had the crate. We went to a cocktail bar after the show in D.C., and you got, like, the worst, craziest cocktail. It was like this chocolate.

No, they were espresso martini. And I remember what you ordered and you were like, should I have an espresso martini? It's like the tragic foreshadowing in a novel. You're just like, should I have an espresso martini? What could go wrong? Like you spoke on it like extensively at the time. You were like, I think this is going to be a great idea. It's going to make me feel just the way I want to.

There was like the last cocktail we had for the night too. Who gets? I got two of them. And I remember because I remember thinking, you don't want to do that. And I wasn't even thinking about the hangover. I was thinking about the caffeine. I would die. My horrible body has made me into a one coffee a day person,

and I'm so sad about it. Because it is fucking festive coffee season, and I can't even partake in festive coffee season because I've got to have one when I wake up, and then I'm out and I'll be like, ooh, maybe I'll get a little Starbucks as a treat, and I can't unless I try to get a decat. I'm trying to see if a decaf will work,

but my body is just like, you have abused me caffeine for too long, and I'm not going to let you do it. anymore. And so that was like, I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm not going to take it. And obviously your body did that with alcohol and not with the caffeine, but it was just, I just remember you speaking extensively about what a good idea it was to have this press a martini. It was one o'clock in the morning. Yeah. Can I just say freely? I'm going to say this while we are being recorded. M.J. Holden, you are free to stop me.

Okay. That was like the only time. A person from having a drink they want. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I've learned, you know, you can't do that. It's like people got to make their own mistake. No, you can stop me. I'm a faun. You know, you have to like put my nose away from the roadkill and towards the grass. I need help.

I need direction. A second one too, though, was like the wild part about it as well. Who gets two espresso martinis at the cocktail bar? It was incredible. Yeah, but yes, okay, next time. That was the only noticeable mistake I saw you make, you know? That was a big mistake. It's a big mistake.

Yeah. That's a big mistake. Well, it was also, I guess we should say also, because, like, Jackie wasn't drinking. Like, I think the way to go for shows is, like, the bud lights are great for me. I can just kind of, they're, like, practically water. I can kind of just, I feel like the fog of my glasses is giving me, like, weird snow eyebrows. But anyways, um, I just think you can constantly be, right? Like, are you fucking up your own glasses?

Well, just sitting there? Yeah, what? Just, literally sitting here and talking. I have blood pressure issues. You? Blood pressure issues? Oh my God.

He's that apartment complex at 9.30 in the morning. The man who screamed himself horse in his car the other day. Because he was bad. Blood pressure issues. That man has blood pressure issues. No way. And I was kind of a fight with the lady at the TSA line of JFK. I thought Olden was going to get kicked out of G.

J of K. I was so mad that day. I was already like, I think I was also because I had like a whiskey hangover going, so that's already like a recipe for like, I don't want no business. And then I tried to be Mr. Polite Man. And then they slowly from checkout, from checking through TSA, they just slowly broke me down to by the end. I was just like talking this lady. I was like, this line is poorly run. This is a bad way to do this. You know that. I travel a lot. I know what I'm talking about. She was like, you should have got here three hours early. If you want a coffee, you want breakfast, she got out of three hours early.

I was like, that's not true. Went. It's in Bill's house and Jim's house and start doing that. It's a wonderful life to her, and that's not saving her. No, no, no. It's just doing the one-off quote from It's a Wonderful Life. I'm so glad you didn't get kicked out of JFK

because I don't know what we would have done. I was just so fucking over. I was just so, I just realized that I think I've come to a realization returning to New York. The general, I used to for a while think that just the way that I'm treated as a person. Do you feel triggered?

Do you feel triggered? New York. I'll be ready. I'll be ready to. No, I'm going to say shit about me in New York. I think it's kind of a me specific thing.

I think that even though you guys are a cult and we'll get into that if you want, but I think that there's something about me. The general just public of New York has a distaste. They can smell the Charlotte on me. They can smell the, like, like privileged upbringing and the like,

cause they can just smell it, man. I get that. They just smell it. So they immediately just don't, yeah, exactly. I've got it, you know, I'm like in, I'm like a comic who. Jackie's like I can confer people see you and they want to beat the shit out of you.

You know how like a comic gets on stage and some like the pros, they'll like purposely dig themselves into a hole so they can like dig themselves out. Naturally I'm in a whole social hole. You start in a hole in life. Yeah. Everywhere.

Especially, I realize, I used to think it was just my thing. And since I've left, I realize it's more a New York situation. Interesting. Right? Where I just, I'm like, oh, yeah, because I used to think this about myself. I'm like, it's just the way I look and the way I talk and the way I act. There's something about me that everyone generally just doesn't want to give me like the benefit of the doubt. And like, so if I get into like a negative exchange or something, like, everyone's going to like take the other person just automatically take the other person's side even out of context.

or like if I'm dealing with a professional exchange, they just like don't like me. Because like when I got to the check-in, I like showed them my ticket on my phone and she was kind of giving me a weird look. And I was like, oh yeah, could I actually print it out? I like, I like the kiosk, do it at the kiosk. I was like, it didn't give me an option to because I already checked my bag online. So it just had me print out the thing. And then it just said I was done.

She was like, no, do it in a kiosk. Do it in a kiosk. Now I was like, lady, all you had to do is push a fuck. and button to print the thing out, say, here you go. And then I go, thank you. So I was even being cute. I was like the paper. I like it.

Maybe it was the cutesy. I think it was the cutesy that did it. I feel like New York really takes all of your, you know, your want to be nice to someone that's being cutesy away. Yes. Because I've seen you all that. You are a nice person too. It's not like you're not kind to service workers.

You are. I'm nice. You're very nice. Yeah. 20% and all that. Yeah. You know what I mean? tip in and

no but maybe it was just I think it could have been the giggle man that got you now yes I do I think that we have to bring up the fact that we were in one of the creepiest hotels um I've been in in a while shout out to the best western Philly

honestly you guys took care of us though so thank you so much but you had a creepy in jacadized room you had the creepiest just outside of our window was a hallway that led to nothing actually it was a hallway that led to just an open window I don't even think you can call it a window So it was just a hole in the wall.

It was a window that only that you couldn't open that didn't look outside. It opened to another hallway. It had nothing in a... A dimly lit hallway that in that hallway was a window that had no screen and no glass in it. So just an open, very much imagine the scene in Hook when hook comes in through the window, when the windows blow open and the marbles, you know, the old man lost noise. Oh, yeah. He's back. He's back. Hook, you know, and then Hook just flies in and steals the kids.

It was like that, it was just an open window on the fourth floor through which any sort of spirit or ghost could fly. Also, we could invoke them up a Christmas carol. Any, we know that an open window, a spirit's going to fly in there. And for us, it was the giggle man. Luckily, the giggle man did not. We survived night one. But did we? And we didn't have a night too. Well, then you guys almost, yeah, were attacked and accost. Someone came and entered your room. Jackie and I made it through. Jackie had a very hard day with being extremely hungover. We did the show.

We had a great time at the Philly Punchline. She was so hungover, guys. It was so funny. It was a great show. She rallied. And then we were like, all right, like, this is our second night of shows. We're tired. We're not going to go out.

We're just going to go straight back to the hotel. Jackie and I are like watching the Food Network, guys grocery games. We turn off the TV. That's our thing. That's our thing. MJ nice things. We watch the Food Network.

That's our thing. Oh my God. It's re-drum and festive season. Oh, yes. But we turned off the TV, turned off the light, said good night to each other and like laughed. Like, aha, how funny. We're like in beds just a few feet apart.

We're saying good night to each other, like little kids. And then I hear the door open in the hotel. And I think, that's interesting. Jackie must have gotten up to open the door to the room. But why would she do that? I wonder why. and then I hear her voice a few feet from me in her bed saying, somebody just came into the room.

And it is one of the morning. The lights are off. And I, we don't know about Jackie and I, I freeze and Jackie flights. I completely flies. I was ready. I was gotten to action. I was immediately ready. I was going to protect us, MJ.

I got up. And that's not usually, usually that's not my, I think it's just you, MJ, that I need to protect you. I feel like this need. Nate need to make sure that I would have beaten a person to death for you. Oh, hell yeah. And I want everyone to know. Sometimes it's good.

I can remain calm in a situation, but I'm absolutely frozen. And so I was just, but truly the door had opened. It was the sound of the door of our hotel door. Slamming against the, because I put the safety latch over. You got to put the safety latch over. And with somebody and we both did the same thing. Almost never do I do that, but I literally said to Jake, this is the kind of hotel where you open up the safety latch on the door. latch on there.

So it was just some drunk ladies who wanted to get into our room by mistake. But what? How they opened the door? Do all the keys open all the doors? Who knows? Dude, I guess so that, yeah, that Philly Best Western, all the keys might open all the doors. So if you want to steal stuff from a bunch of people and like be a ministered society, now you know. You just go there and use the key.

But while we were watching Food Network, Jake and Holden, which I think is very cute, We're laying in bed watching the 2022 people's choice awards. Yes, like we caught the people's choice award because you know what? I'm always on the clock, even when I'm on my downtime. We're watching food.

We're on the ground floor. Who even won guys grocery games of that episode? Do you even remember who won guys grocery games? We watched so many of the months. You never know. Chuck and Larry and Bill and Greg won and Jennifer one. Yeah, I actually weirdly caught.

And I texted Jackie before they were accosted by those women. I texted Jackie like, hey, Shania is performing on the People's Choice Awards. And then you were like, later you were like, did you see the big me moment where she called out Ryan Reynolds? She replaced in the song, she says Brad Pitt. And it was replaced with, first of all, Brad Pitt, that don't impress me much. First of all. So that's where she's in. How did you, Ryan Reynolds?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. He's in the audience. He's like, oh, fuck. And like, you know, he's sort of freaking out. stuff. It also makes me realize, like, not just for him in that night, Brad Pitt must have just been like, I'm the fucking hottest guy on the planet. I'm the example. Yeah, it's just so crazy. He was, Brad Pitt was the example of a bad, of somebody who doesn't impress her? But still, like, who do you think you are, like, this example of the hottest guy ever that

don't impress me much, like, even if you think you're this hot? I mean, Brad Pitt should have, seems to have perhaps fallen from Grace a little bit. talking about, you know. He went through a really hard time. He had a real rough one on that airplane with Angelina, you know. Yeah. I think that Chenaya Twain can take him down a pig. And their custody battle is also really taken that, like, it's not, he wasn't a good

dad. And he was going through really hard addiction times. Yeah. Right. Is what it's going on. Yeah. I mean, I hear that. And it's also, you know, and he wasn't at the event, so it's fun to call someone

else out. But good for Ryan Reynolds. And he was so cute. Twitter about it. And he was just like, you're so, I'm so glad I didn't impress you because you're an icon and you're smart and you're beautiful. Of course, he knows how to do it. And also, I will say, man, I don't know if I, like, I didn't feel one way or another about Ryan Reynolds that much. Like, I enjoy a dead pool. Like, I think that he's very successful. I think that there's, you know, I like his marriage or at least what they give off, him and Blake Lively. But then I watched Welcome to Rexum. And I, um, I get, why people are obsessed with him. He's very, very charming. I immediately, like,

between him and Rob Mecklenny, who, I mean, was already very, very charming. And I don't know if you've heard about this show. Have you guys heard about this show? We're like, you've told me about it on Talkin TV. Join us on our Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast for our Talking TV every week.

We talk about the TV we're watching Jackie and I do. But yes, go on. It's a docu series where the two of them, they buy a small football team. and they, like, champion this team. It's just a whole, like, it's a great, it's like watching a real-life Ted Lassow, like it's like an underdog story.

It's just every, like, it's really, but it's the two of them. And at first it was like, oh, great. So these two, and it's played like that too of like, oh, great. So these two millionaires come in here and are going to save our, you know, our football club and our town. Great, but then it's like a story of a champion's gay.

Like, I don't know. It's just, it's nice. It's fun. Yeah. That does sound nice. Absolutely. It's released. It's really fun.

So I understand you Shadiah. What I'm saying is that I understand why Shanae is in Ryan Reynolds. I get it now. And she fucking killed it, man. She did a great. She had a great performance. I was so glad to catch it. Yeah.

She looks awesome. And I need to watch that documentary, even though I feel like I've already like seen it because we did the pop history on it page 7 pop history. Check it out. We did an episode on Shadi Twain's whole life. But yeah, she's back, man. She's back. She never went.

She's crushing it. Yeah, I feel like Jackie is the one who made me shift my file, brain file categorization of Shania Twain to like country I don't care about to like country I do care about. Yes. Yeah, no, no, I'm pulling you in. And speaking of music that we do care about, can I just say I'll die if I don't go to the death cat for cutie in Postal Service concert? Did we conjure this?

I'll die. I'll die. I will die. I literally started playing your rewind up. episode about 2003 and then I saw this announced, but I think it was the same day or maybe the day after, because our Bell House show was Thursday and the episode dropped Thursday. So it was that day. The day our episode about Give Up came out, where I mean about 2003, but it was mostly about Give Up came out. They announced that they are doing the entirety of Give Up and Transatlanticism.

Transatlanticism like probably arguably the best Death Cab album as well. And it's, first of all, I'm like an album guy, so I fucking love when bands gone tour playing just the, like, their one, like, massive album or whatever. Like, I was so sad, but I miss, like, Weez are doing, like, the blue album in Pinkerton. Because that's, like, the one time I can just see only songs I like and no songs I absolutely loathe coming from them. And this is so good. I mean, literally, MJ, you look like Ben Gibbard right now.

Like, I mean, it's just you're, you're still rocking that vibe from 2003. And check out our rewind episode. I mean, you know, it's kind of amazing. Like, it was so defined by especially Postal Services, give up, which completely changed, like, my musical taste almost. I, like, heard that album. I was like, oh, I'm, like, into this kind of stuff now. Gibbard even said, I know for a fact, I will never have a year again, like 2003.

The Postal Service record came out. Transatlanticism came out. These two records will be on my tombstone, and I'm totally fine with that. I've never had a more creatively inspired year. And I didn't even realize Transatlanticism, also came out that year. What a fucking incredible output. I mean, the New Year's on that.

I'm just so... This is the New Year. I hope it's not a T-Swift ticket shit show, which, by the way, shout-outs to the fans that are suing Ticketmaster. A bunch of Swifties banded together. We love to see it. And one of my favorite things I saw,

I'm pretty sure this is the case because it was just like a one-off tweet, but apparently they were offered a settlement and they said, nay, we are taking your ass to trial, ticket masters. So I am so thrilled that that's happening because the settlement always just kind of makes it go away.

So hopefully going into a trial, I hope they win. And I think that would actually, if they won a big trial, that actually might force Stigamaster to change. But we got the pre-sale going for this Death Cab Postal Service show. I don't trust it. I'm so scared. I know. I was like, I even asked Henry.

It was like, Henry, how do we get tickets? Yeah, just tell him to get us, yeah. That's what you do, though. You call, at this point, the only way to get actual decent tickets for a show, call your famous friend and have them call their agent and then have that agent hopefully secure. There's nothing. You can't do anything against Sikamaster. There's nothing you can do. You have to be like, I mean, you have to be like, if Shia Twain wants to go to this concert, I'm sure she can get tickets to the concert.

Yeah, but then she'd watch it and she'd be like, that don't impress. Yeah. I bet she would. I would. She does that all the time. If I was Shai Twain, I would always be like, take a bite to something at a restaurant and just be like, that don't impress me much. That reminds me laugh. What are you doing? Do it again.

Say it a line. But actually, it does impress me much was Mariah Carey's improvisational song she sang at that event. You know, it, Mariah Carey. I was like, oh, you're alive. You're alive in there. He is not just a defrosted, hunk of woman. She is a full-fledged

human being, and we are talking about Mariah Carey's dress malfunction while she was on stage. She was performing at the Lincoln Center, and she was singing a song, and all of a sudden, the strap she had on, like, a very slinky dress and with little tiny straps, and

one of the straps busted. So while she was on stage, she, like, moves her hair in front of it, so that the dress does it, like, so, like, the part that came down is covered. and she had people come out and work on her on stage trying to cover it and fix it while she's on stage. Like she's a NASCAR, like they're the engineering team and she's a NASCAR.

She couldn't possibly leave the stage, which does make me further make me think that maybe she is strapped in, that maybe she is like on a doll stand and something sort. She doesn't take a step or anything. I will say I was so stressed out watching that video because she was still in her singing. At one point she kind of like dips down a little bit to like hit a note or whatever. She was still, like, moving quite a bit in place.

And I'm just thinking, I'm just like, God, that's got to be so fucking stressful to be on stage fixing that trust with this person who is trying to stand still. But singing a song that so you naturally are going to move around just a little bit. Even with how immobile she truly has been lately. You don't need to move your legs when you've reached that level of status. That was about a year or so ago. She hit the status of, she has, like, some kind of a, like, chart in her home, She's like, oh, I've hit the icon status where I don't literally don't have to take a step on stage. Okay, great.

Good, good, good. I mean, and that's the opposite of what Celine Dion has with her stiff person syndrome. It is an unfortunate name for a very serious syndrome. I'm trying so hard to not make just so many bad late-night talk show jokes. It is a rough one. We've got to work on who do we lobby to change the name of the syndrome to something that isn't fun. sounding because the syndrome itself sounds awful and it's very sad for Celine Dion and unfortunately it's just a silly name that you think it's all like one guy in the disease PR office he's like

call it monkey pox yeah that's a good name for it syndrome i feel like there's a lot of these syndromes just name it what it is you know yeah yeah yeah i've got silly toes apparently i went to the clacking on the road trip of his silly toes it like was it was incessant The answer they just so long over It was the to-clack. Yes, I just could only hear the same to... Made you almost puke into your edibles. Let's make a promise on this future,

this leg coming up in the Midwest so we listen to more Celine Dion, though, because we did not listen to it's all coming back to me, not once. I did love, though, that like, Jake is a huge K-pop fan and he was playing a bunch of it in the car, and after a while I was like,

guys, I'm so sorry, we could switch something else. We're all like, no, we fucking love this. No, it was great. Yeah, no. She was delightful. Yeah, the K-pop was good. Yeah, the car trip was not as, like, singing along to pop songs as I imagine,

and it was more talking about religion. Yeah, talking about a relation with God while Jackie thought her answers in her head to the questions we were asking each other while she was trying not to vomit all over her pants. Oh, we were just on this bridge, and it looked like a death bridge because it was covered in this, like, factory fog,

and that's what I'm calling it. And I just, I thought, all I could think it was like, he can't even pull over if I need to puke. He can't even pull over. I've got nowhere to go. And you know, when you have that, like, that just terror of what am I going to do? Yeah.

Where is it going to go? If it has to come out of me, where is it going to go? And that bag. Like, no matter what age you are, that feeling is just the worst feeling ever of where am I going to puke. Yeah. I mean, we've all planned where we're going to puke in the car. If you're a puker.

Not everybody's a puker, but I'm a puker both for if I drink too much and if I'm like in anything that's moving. Like I can be completely sober and if I'm in an airplane, a train, a car, a bus. I'm going to be planning where will I puke? That's that MJ thing. I remember every time MJ was like, I do not judge you. I am here for you there before the grace of God go on. Yes. I don't judge anyone.

I appreciated it. And I will judge. in the back of a cab to puke into the bag and then just abandon the bag when he got out of the cab. You know, it happens. It happens to all of it. No, yeah, I've definitely been there

with the hangover after the show. Shall we get into the celebrity conspiracy of this week? Let's do it. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Does Leonardo DiCaprio only date women who like farts?

Oh my God, he's a fart. They got to be under 25 and love fart. Well, it's maybe a little bit of an explanation for why he likes him young. Oh. They fart better when they're young? No, no, because they're so young they can enjoy just a lot of farting in their face. Well, here we go.

I'll read it out to you. This one comes in from Lauren who writes, Holden, I, yeah, take it, hop on the magic carpet with all old old. I'm on the carpet. I'm on the carpet. Lauren writes, Holden, I totally should be studying for finals, but why do that? when I can go down a celebrity rabbit hole. Do I have a conspiracy for you?

Does Leonardo DiCaprio not actually have a problem dating women over 25, but instead have a problem dating women who don't think farts are funny, which also happens to be most women over the age of 25? I got most of it. I mean, right, Jackie, I mean, you don't appreciate a lot, you know, you're in this camp. You don't love a big, blasty, farty kind of boisterousness. But I didn't when I was younger either. I've never been a far.

It's a you problem. That's that, you know, listen. And I know it's my problem, too. Like, I know that it's a big problem. It is a problem. It's missing out on a huge genre of comedy. So many Eddie Murphy movies later in his career you're missing out on. Lauren says, I got most of this from TikTok creator, Claire Stevens 1, which I just

think is hilarious that they actually got this from a TikTok conspiracy and it wasn't just one of those random like page seven listener just like, I bet it's good, you know what I mean? I bet it's because of this. This is out there on TikTok. It's common knowledge. that Leo Dio only dates women 25 and below, except for the current old he's dating, Gigi Hadid.

However, however, could it be that he actually just can't keep a girlfriend over 25? They can't take his sense of, they can't take his sense of humor. According to a co-star on the set of Titanic, he used to absolutely crack Kate Winslet up with fart jokes, farting all the time, farting in his jacket and throwing it on top of Kate.

She loved it. Absolutely cracked up. Jackie, do you love that? Would you love that if you're co-steading? would fart into their jacket and throw it in your face. And like that's the thing. It's not like a, uh-huh-huh, angry I would get. Like, it's a genuine, like, seeing red angry.

When he felt, well, then you might be a little more like Claire Daines when he filmed Romeo and Juliet. However, his co-star Claire Dane's hated his fart humor. And he couldn't stand her either. Now, both of those movies were when Leo was in his 20s. Could he still love fart jokes? It appears he just might. In the middle of an interview for the film, Don't Look Up, which.

came out, what, 2021, right? Yeah. There was a sudden, huge, loud fart noise, and everyone from the cast immediately looked at Leonardo DiCaprio, who absolutely busted out laughing. They explained that Jonah Hill had gotten him a fart machine, and the interview had to basically end because Leo could not stop laughing. Seems like he still loves a fart joke. Could it be that Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't end his relationships with women when they turn

26 because they're old and disgusting, but that the relationships tragically fall apart because these 26-year-old women just can't abide fart jokes. Could it be that we've all been horribly misjudging the poor farty Leonardo DiCaprio for ages? Could it be the Gigi Hadid despite her geriatric age loves fart humor? Love y'all, Lauren. I guess I have to believe. Yes, 100%. And also makes me love Gigi Hadid even more.

Yeah, that old bag. That old, that old hilarious bag with a great sense of humor. Wait, so Jackie, if I were to, like, fart into my hat and then I throw the hat at you, you would be upset? Yeah, I'm like I'd be upset. I think if he threw the hat at me, but you didn't put it on me. I think I wouldn't be as upset. But if I put the hat on me, you feel like I just put my fart on you? Yeah, but I'm also not, like, we talked about this.

I'm not a big toucher really anyway. So I think that would be just like multiple things of just like, why are you touching me? why is there a farted hat on me? Yeah, Jackie and I shared a room for four nights without touching each other once. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm not that hard, but it's still.

We're no touch. We're no touch. Yeah, I like that. We're all very no touch, all of us. Yeah, I appreciate that about the four of us. Maybe that's why we travel so well together. We had so much fun. Yeah.

We understand boundaries. If I was just like hungover, but I just like needed my head in your lap the entire time, MJ? I feel like that would be different. Like, I think that that would be, a different relationship we would have. And some people have that relationship,

and I think that's great for them. Yeah. But I'm just, I'm not that, I'm not a cuddler. Yeah. I adjust, like, I wouldn't mind it,

but the way my body language would look, everybody would assume I was very upset. You know what I mean? Like, you could put your head in my lap, and I'd be like, that's fine, girl, you can leave it there. And then everybody would be like, wow, MJ looks so uncomfortable.

So uncomfortable. Because where do you put your hands? Exactly. Do I put them on you? Do you like, do I, carefully put them not on you? Yes, I don't know. That's a rough situation.

Your heads in my lap and both my hands are on my head. That's how I prefer it. Put your hands on your head, MJ. I mean, when we're on tour, I don't even touch my own body. I keep my hands completely free of any physical touch, even of my own self. That makes a lot of sense because does Lexie scrub you?

Yeah, she will scrubbing. She hoases me. Oh, great. For sure. Yeah, yeah. She gets the hose. Yeah, it gets the hose once twice a week. Good for you.

Holden is the child called it. And I don't think we ever knew that. But sometimes, you know, you got to get that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, baby. Did we both read a child called it when we were like 11 and way too young to read it? Way too young to read it. Why were we reading a child called it?

Yeah, that's, we, that's, I feel like probably Oprah is to blame. I think so. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know a child called it. I'm guessing it's a mistreated kid. Yeah, about an abused child. but it was like very popular. It was one of those things where it's like, I guess,

I think at the time it was like credited as like opening up a conversation about child abuse, which I guess is good. But it's one of those things where it's just like, it's just like a horrifically difficult to read memoir and it was everywhere. And I read it and I was so upset by it. And, you know, I just don't know what the takeaway is from a book like that. I think Oprah, I gotta say it was Oprah or at least the Oprahification of being like, let's just read people's memoirs

and try to make some broader societal point about this one specifically horrific account about how we should talk about Childs Newsmore which is all good, it's all true. You should talk about Childs Newsmore but I shouldn't have read that book when I was 11. There you go. Is that what the list is this week?

Uncomfortable. No, but it's close to me. Who's on the list? We've got to have that. Geez, we're tires for exasurable. That was my fault. And one and two. Who's on the list?

Debbie! Gotta have that list. Oh my God. And by the way, hearing everyone scream it at us when we got to the list and the live show was so fucking cool.

So fun. Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Chicago, get out here. Last Podcast Network.com. Get your tickets. We still got tickets to sell. Come see us. Get ready to be a blast.

You can always sing along when you're in our audience. Absolutely. Damn. but now we're talking about celebrities we never knew recorded an album. Did you know that Alfred Hitchcock recorded an album? Only one album called Music to Be Murdered by. And it was released in 1958.

The album is a mix of songs and monologues delivered by Alfred Hitchcock himself. Which that's, I feel like that's asking a lot to put out a record and then also having monologues in between it. I think that that's a lot to ask from one. record. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Way too much.

Way too intense. It's like the, you know what it's, you know what reminds me up? Sorry, real quick. The rap skit. Remember every rap album had like multiple skits that broke up the album and made it like hard to just listen to as an album even. I mean, even now my favorite, probably my favorite rap albums enter the 36 chambers. And it actually has a reasonably digestible skit in it where they go, you know,

torture motherfucker torture. They talk about the torture methods. but man, there was a lot of just like comedy album level, like Adam Sandler-style skits and rap albums that were just bizarre. Some of them, I like torture, motherfucker. We said, so you asshole shut and keep feeding you and feed. That was pretty fun. Oh, yeah, that was a good one.

Teach the run, Jackie. Oh, I wonder how hilarious Ali and his gang versus Mr. tooth decay was. Yes, that is Muhammad Ali. Lee's 1976 musical cautionary tale against the dangers of ingesting too much sugar. It is a children's comedy that has become a collector's item.

And now I kind of want to seek it out and see if maybe the kids want to be listening to this. Huh, MJ? I mean, I try to open my heart to whatever Jackie gives the kids. And I am not ready for whatever's going to happen this year. There's no. But Mohammed, I know, right?

I'm in that boat, too. Didn't you give me, because you gave us the musical mat, right, Jackie, wasn't that you? Well, because you are a, you wanted to be a, you know, right tiny toes for. Right. Tiny toes and tiny hands. So I gave her her baby's first keyboard mat. That thing, it is so loud. Every time you turn out, it's like at the highest volume.

And then you have to turn it down by like hitting a part of the mat to turn it down. And it's still, even at its lowest volume. it is like Jackie's dream loud like just extreme loudness. It is so bizarre. Like you somehow found the most ignat obnoxious musical mat possible. It makes me laugh every single time I turn it on. She's like, Clay, Clai, Clay, Clay, Clay. Yeah, it is so crazy.

That's why I still have the bag of percussion instruments she said, but I don't still have the drum set. I got rid of it while my children were out of the house. Well, how did you, did they get upset at all? You were just like, oh no, like the, the drum genie came and took the drum back. It's fair. It's been actually an ongoing process to figure out

how to get rid of toys. Because I don't want to do it without, I usually don't sneak attack them, especially if it's something that is meaningful to them. But this was like after months of them not playing with the drum set. And I think I had floated it one day. Like maybe we'll,

and I always say, maybe if we get rid of this toy, it'll make room for a new toy to come in. Ah. That's kind of the pitch. Oh, that's good. Brilliant. Oh my God, you're going to watch the Christmas toy this year? I think that I've tried to get it.

you to watch the Christmas toy many years in a row, but it is why, part of the reason why I have to kiss my toys individually. The Christmas toy is a Muppets Christmas movie, and it's about how the toys handle new toys coming in. This was in like, I think it came out in like 85 or something. So it was before Toy Story, where it's about sentient toys and how like the best toy from last year the tiger he was rugby the tiger was upset because new toys are coming in he doesn't understand that means that the kids aren't going to love him as much anymore and it's all about like and so then I was like oh my god all the toys can feel so I have to kiss them all to sleep every night so that I make sure that they all feel loved and special that's nice yeah toy story did that to me too

I felt like really guilty if I was like leaving them it's not good yes no so maybe don't watch a Christmas toy with kids, but you should watch a Christmas toy by yourself. Anyway, Crispin Glover, what? Crispin Glover, yes, creepy face himself. In 1989, Crispin Glover, released an album titled, The Big Problem Does Not Equal The Solution. It's like an equal sign with a slash through it, by the way. It's got to be one of those. The solution equals, let it be, which presented itself as a riddle. On the back cover of the album was a collage of nine items with a phone number inviting listeners to call and guess what they all had in common. This is like, if you're listening to this podcast, you have no idea what Jackie's talking about

because I'm looking at the text. It depends on how you process audio. For me, I like need to look at something also if there's like, if it's like something that needs to be closely read, I can't just hear it. Anything that Christopher Glover's ever done ever in his entire life outside of back to the future. It is, the album is called the big problem. We'll sign with a line through it like doesn't equal the big problem doesn't equal the solution period period the solution equals let it be it I'm I am speechless I'm staring at this album and I just think this is the most crispin glover like this is totally like yep absolutely right on the money watch his man watch if you want to see awkward live television watch his appearance with David Letterman it is

it is total chaos. I think it's the only time Letterman actually like kick. Letterman literally like walks off the stage at one point in the interview because he's like, if he's like fuck this, this is, because he starts doing like jujitsu at him. It's very crazy.

Definitely check. It's like one of those historical relics of like awkward TV moments. Definitely check it out. Chris Mc Glover is on another planet, man. He is doing his own thing. Love it. And last but not least, who we're going to pick for our last but not least, I'm going to go.

Ooh, that macho man, Randy Savage album, rap album's pretty good. Right past Terry Bradshaw's album, I'm so lonesome I could cry. Because I'm glad he's so lonesome he can cry. That matro man, Randy Savage, Savage's only rap album, it is called Be a Man, not like the Mulan song.

Apparently, Be A Man is all of terrible lyrics, unoriginality, and annoyance. The best track on the album is, are you, yes, the letters, are you ready, which is simply the worst? And now the least worst is what they say. So now I kind of want to look up, be a man, not from Moulon. It kind of came out at a time in rap. I think it was like kind of the DMX era, the like new metaly era, and it's that kind of rap.

And it's the macho man. I feel like, definitely check it out. You keep saying be a man and not the Moulon song, but I keep thinking about the Chris McClover album, the solution doesn't equal the problem. It doesn't equal the problem. I keep thinking that you're saying, the name of the song is Be a Man, comma, not the Mulan song.

Not the Mulan song. So funny, dude. It's just hard for me not to be your man. You must be swift as a coursing river. You know that song? It's such a fucking good song. I love that song. I love that whole thing.

I was, what happened? Another thing that happened on this road trip is that everybody at one point started singing a Pocahontas song in unison. And I was like, Jake, and I understand. I understand how Jackie knows that. I was like, Jake and Holden, you guys were like, can you 13-year-old boys when this movie came out? I was like,

there's just something about, there's something so funny to me about the line, the blue corn moon. It's so like boring and yet like dumb, I don't know what it is, but it just always stuck in my head. Yeah, but we were exist, we existed at the time that movie came out

and we were like younger. I mean, how could you not? I don't even think I've actually seen Pocahontas, but that song, I mean, it was just back when like, Like, you know, I think Kiss on a Rose from the gray in the gray or whatever, you know, that song will forever be etched to my head just because I was a kid with like VH at 1 or MTV on all day long. Yeah.

That summer that Batman forever came out and that fucking song was on, you know, you just, that, the monoculture, right? MJ, you couldn't escape things back then. You were forced to listen to them, not just once, not just twice, but hundreds of times throughout an entire summer. It's true. And I knew immediately what song you were singing And that it was from Pocahontas But I didn't know the words

And I felt like a real fucking idiot Because everyone else in the car Knows all the words To all the songs for Pocahontas apparently MJ's is the back Has the world gone mad? This is not their best film. Well, hey, speaking of Disney

I've got some blinds for you guys. Ooh! Okay, man. I think I'm going Blind! It's items. Oh, we can't see them. Nailed it, Jackie.

Good job. We finally took us. Good work, guys. Three shots to get it right. Good work. This former Disney actress, who has made a lot of money getting naked, lost most of it

in crypto. Lost most of it in crypto. So former Disney actress, a lot of money. I didn't even realize, I thought she was like, I'm getting naked, but I'm not actually getting naked,

but maybe she did get naked on the famous website. Fellow Thor? Yes. Thorne, who was the first grader to earn over $1 million in her first 24 hours on OnlyFans, has almost 200 NFTs up for grabs on some weird website that I went to, where you can offer her thousands of dollars for a one-of-a-kind photo of her looking all hot or whatever. I pocketed this news story, and it was almost kind of secretly happy you didn't include it. But this is connected to another big story that I am very excited about.

Talk about another lawsuit I'm happy about. Jimmy Fallon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Justin Bieber, Madonna, and many more are currently being sued for allegedly promoting BoredApe Yacht Club NFTs without disclosing payments or endorsements. So you guys remember that totally home shopping network style bullshit moment between Fallon and Periseldon, who I believe is also a part of this lawsuit, where they were like on his talk show. And he's like, wow, NFTs, what are these? And Parasel is like, yeah, they're so cool. You should definitely buy one. He's like, I'm going to buy one. Everybody right now, right, everybody?

Well, apparently they were making fucking secret money off of the whole time. Of course they were. Wow. Oh, my God. Fuck that, man. That's... Seriously. Yeah, that's bad.

That's, I mean, not... Yeah, especially looking back and I was like, of course they were making money off of that bit. Who in the right mind would go up and be like, that's what we should talk about. What have you been up to lately? Oh, these really cool things called NFTs. We'll definitely do a whole fun bid on it. I'm not making any money off of it whatsoever. And they totally were hawking it.

And it was so clear. And we talked about it on the show. And, you know, NFTs have come up from time to time just because of celebrity endorsements. You know, I even, man, I love following Snoop Dogg on social media. Like, I love his deal. But all he does lately is just try to sell his fucking board ape bullshit. And I'm just so. I think I don't include these because I don't.

I still, I know that I've, they've been explained to me multiple times. It really has been. I understand the concept of. NFTs, but outside of that, I get lost. Well, the reason why you get lost is this, the Emperor's New Clothes of, like, scammy bullshit. That's why you get lost, because it doesn't make sense because it doesn't make sense. Because it's stupid.

There's nothing. There's no sense to be found. Yeah, yeah. It's this thing that everyone's, it's literally Emperor's New Clothes. They're all like, no, it's this really cool thing. You just don't get it. It's like the newth, and you're just like, wait, wait. I immediately get beat.

I'm like browbeat. I'm just like, you're right. I don't understand it. It's not for me. You're right. I don't get it. I'm not cool enough. No, Taylor's all the time. It's total fucking snake oil.

It's completely ridiculous. So I hope something comes out of this. And all of those names is so funny together. Jimmy Fallon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Justin Bieber, and Madonna. What of just of course. And there's more Paris Hilton, like I said, Snoop Dog, some more. I think they're all, I think they all are looped in on this. Allegedly, I don't know, I'll say that word.

But you can look into it more if you want. But here's the next line. All right. This cable channel is contemplating making all employees, including cast and crew for each project sign a loyalty pledge and a morality pledge. And the only reason why I include this is an obscure cable channel, but we recently talked about them when it came to a different news story about somebody saying really like problematic, shitty things. And they were connected to this channel, which puts out a lot of stuff around the holidays. And if you can't remember the name of his channel, I totally kind of understand. It's the one that Candace Cameron-Berry went to.

And she went to like the Great American Family Network. Yes, great American family could work you too. Yeah. Together, M.J, with our powers combined. You are Captain Planet. Yes, I'm the monkey. You're the monkey. And MJ is the is heart.

I'll take it. So I'm your monkey, right? Yeah, you are my monkey. MJ, do you not remember Captain Planet? I don't remember the details. I remember the vague idea. Then I remember that Captain Planet was a thing that kids in college would do

where you take a hit, do a line, and then do a shot all at the same time. I never heard that. That's insane. And then our powers combined. That's the only thing I think of when you say- This is another cocaine Harry Potter story. What the fuck are you talking about?

I didn't do it. It was the idea was you take the hit. You do the line while you're still holding in the hit, and then you take a shot while you still are holding in the hit, and then it's our powers combined because they're all in there together. I just love the idea of MJ being in that room. Just be like, I just want you guys to know. I don't approve with this.

And I think your parents would be very ashamed right now if they can see what you're all doing right now. I saw it just like the first weekend I was at college, and I actually thought it was very cool, but I was like not, I was not ready to do that. Right. Of course. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Unbelievable. Yeah, so apparently actor Neil Bledso.

Shout out to Neil, starred in last year's The Winter Palace and this year's Christmas at the drive-in for the Great American Family Network recently spoke out against Candace Cameron. Burr-Ber-Ber-Rae. You said Barre. There's an ascento on the E, so I assume it's Bray. Candice Cameron-Bur-A.

There's recent comments about marriage and exited the network entirely. So shout out to you, Neil. And I think that's hilarious that they would make people sign a morality pledge. I think it's great that the like holiday movie empire is just crumbling because Candace Cameron can't fucking bring it to, like can't manage to just swallow her own fucking vile thoughts just to get through this season.

It's the only season where you work and make any much just fucking, fucking deal with it, Candace Cameron Bray. Just silently be a bigot. And she's just like, I have to be a bigot. I have to be such a bigot. I know. everything. Piece of shit.

Yeah, they can't help themselves. They just have to. It's like, you know, any, if any, if I would just, if I was making that much money on that kind of sparkly kind of in that sparkly clean, squeaky clean kind of way, I just shut up and take my money. And then in like a cigar in a room with a bunch of people with cigars and brandies say all these things. You know what I mean?

Like I do, as I do. Last one. This A-List actor hooked up with a higher on the list male co-star. This is a very juicy. one, by the way. I just want to throw that out there. This is juicers, juicers. Okay, so really pay attention here. A list actor. It's centered around a film we've been talking

about a lot. This A-list actor hooked up with a higher on the list male co-star from a recent production. And a little further down the blinds, the story read. This was like two different blinds. Just 24 hours after I first talked about this budding romance between former co-stars, they are now having sleepovers.

One fan base is going to be destroyed. Or at the very least, worry about it, darling. Okay, so it's going to be involved Harry Styles because of the fandom. And what other co-star? Were they also in? Don't worry, darling? Yes.

God, if it was, I mean, in my brain, in my beautiful, like, I want to watch that tape brain, it's Nick Grohl, but I know that that's not the answer. I don't know. I want to watch that tape. What women were in that movie besides Florence Pugh? Well, interesting, that you would gender it, MJ, especially coming from you. Is it gay? blind, then that's great news.

All right, let's see. It's not Florence Pugh. Who else is in that movie? I could think of it. Chris Pines? Yes. Chris Pines. Yes, dude.

Yes, please. P.S. The two, I saw the photo, the two were photographed sharing an embrace in Sao Paulo, Brazil on December 5th. Wow. Wait, Chris Pine is lesser than Harry Sells.

I guess he is. I don't know who they were saying was lesser on the list than who. I guess it would have to be Chris Pine. I don't see him as, like, who is lesser than. Most people are lesser on the list than Harry Styles these days. He's literally, like, the hottest ticket in town, right? Especially with the expanse of who is aware of him as well.

Yeah. I think if you're saying acting ability, Chris Pine is not lesser on the list. But he's just massively famous. He's like one of the, he's like, it's like him, Lizzo, T. Swift. I can't remember if we entertained to this theory, but when we were talking about the spitting,

I feel like it was right there if we didn't articulate it's right there on the tip of the tongue, maybe it was a fucking flirtation. Yeah, maybe it was a fucking flirtation. Oh. Also, another fun blind was apparently also Olivia Wilde reached out to

Jesus Hedegas after the split with Harry and he was like, no. Good for you. Yeah, go for him. You fucking take it. He's gonna lay under that. card you make that vinergaret one more time Olivia Wilde yeah it was so funny the article it linked to was like Olivia Wilde looks very upset with her cup of coffee uh seed photographs

the day she's just like moping with a cup of coffee very very in rough times these days Olivia that's a celebrity's they're just like us man if you take a picture of me i'm moping with my one cup of coffee yeah i just do that every day and no and i didn't go through a divorce and like my affair that I had broke up as well I'm just like on the street and it's Wednesday having a cup of coffee. Just Charlie Brown. Oh yeah, a lot of Charlie Brown discourse as well in the road trip. He's very depressed.

Well, there you go. I don't fight hard with him. Yeah, we realize MJ is real life Charlie Brown. We'll get into that next time. That's it. That's the blinds. You can see again. I can see again and you are my friends.

Yes, we are your friends. and we're also your co-hosts of the show Page 7 that you tuned into today. Thank you guys so much for joining us on Page 7. This has been a treat and a half. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm, or you can follow us on TikTok over on the page 7 LPM. We are definitely posting some behind the scenes things that are going on over on our TikTok.

And that is just so wonderful. And next week, you're going to be guided by the Dulcet tunes. of cats, whether you are in person with us at the release, the Butthole Cut Tour, or with our Cats episode that is going to be re-released next week, and I hope that you enjoy it. And I hope you guys have a great holiday. Hell, yes, dude. We've got so many fun holiday treats for you guys, too, and we get back from tour.

Wednesday, the 21st, we're going to do our Muppets Christmas Carol watch-along, and that will, it should be on Jackie's twitch. Twitch.TV forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. On the 28th, my birthday, as is tradition, we will be doing the Cat 2019 Cats watch along. Get you edibles, get you drinks. If you want to be reminded of this, follow us on Instagram because we always post about, like, if you're like, I know that there is something that they're doing, but I can't remember when it is. Just follow us, follow me at Jack That Worm, follow Holden at Holdenators Ho. Follow MJ at MJ at MJKLK.

follow one of us because that information is we always post it there. Hell yeah, exactly, yeah. Twitch.com slash hold an Nader so. Twitch.com. Oh, no, it's Jackie. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast weekly bonus content. So much stuff coming out. And for $10 a month, you can join us for our Jersey Shore watch along. I think that's it for me.

MJ? My name is MJ. And I'm MJK. Elkat on Instagram. And I can't wait to see you in the Midwest. next week. Call you added, last podcast, network.com for all tickets. Yes, and are you ready for the shout-out song?

Shout, shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're going to read it to you. Come on. Thank you guys so much for sending in your shout-outs to page seven podcast at gmail.com. That is page seven podcast, seven the number at jemal.com.

I read every single one of them, and I just want to say thank you so much to the book recommendations and the TV recommendations. I am here for every single one of them, and I can't thank you enough for taking the time to reach out and connect with me. I love you all so much. And I especially love Katie in Alaska.

Now, I love Katie in Alaska for multiple reasons, but one of those reasons is Mr. Willoughby's Christmas tree, which I have to tell you, Katie, I have never heard of. And Katie describes it where, an adorable family of Muppet Mice go on a quest to find the perfect tree. It stars young, very coaked up Robert Downey Jr., Leslie Nielsen, and our Queen Stockard Channing. I've never met a soul outside of my little brother and I who know about this special, but it is a true gem, and it's now a sibling. tradition to get shit-faced Christmas Eve and watch Mr. Willoughby's Christmas tree. Something about Robert Denny Jr. twirling around singing about his perfect tree really gets me in the spirit. I did cross-reference when he was struggling with addiction. It is definitely around this time, but that's as far as my research went. I just want to say thank you so much, Katie,

because this sounds great and I'm definitely going to check it out. But also, there was a PS. And Katie said, shout out to my motherfucking self, because I am finally graduating with my bachelor's degree in natural sciences. It's basically environmental science with emphasis on wildlife biology. I usually have to explain what natural sciences means. So there you go. In two weeks, congratulations. Katie, you're almost there, baby. And oh my God, I just want to say Francis, this sounds like so much fun. Francis just says, I'm currently listening to the latest episode and you mentioned that you and Natalie are going to do a deep dive on the A Court of Thorns and Roses series. Yes, we are. This made me smile so much as my bestie Katie and I bit the bullet

at starting our own podcast on books and our first series is A Court of Thorns and Roses. I love that this is out in the world and I am so proud of Katie and I for doing this. I shouted her out a while ago as being the best person to know who I love deeply and treasure so much. We met at UMass Amherst back in 2008 whilst I was studying abroad and talk essentially every day even though I'm in England and she's still in Massachusetts. We make the five-hour time difference work to cover books and have even started a short where Katie reads out blurbs and we discuss them, which ensues hilarity and silliness. I am so proud of us. It has taken so much work and even though we have only started out, we are deterred.

Herman to make it work. I also want to thank Katie from the bottom of my soul for being the editor. God bless her editing skills as I cannot wrap my mind around it. I hear you, Francis. If you could please give us a listen and a shout out on the show, it would mean the world. The podcast is called Did You Read It Yet? And you can get it on Spotify, Amazon, and Apple. We're all still learning and growing, so hope to expand and do course. Katie is a wonderful person and I couldn't dream of doing this with anyone else. Our socials are at Did You Read It Yet Podcasts on Instagram at Did You Read It Yet on Twitter? And we have an email. Did You Read It Yet Podcast at gmail.com. Definitely give them a listen, please. Did You Read It Yet? Podcast. That sounds awesome, and especially if they're starting off

with a court of thorns and roses. And Natalie and I's show will be out to you in the next coming months, and I am, who-hoo, excited about it. Moving on to the amazing Stephanie, Stephanie, thank you so much for explaining that East High School is a real high school for my school musical. I appreciate you. And also, you wanted to do a self-shout. Stephanie says, I grew up Mormon, which is a high-control religion, and within the church, I also grew up in an extremely abusive high-control family. I started going to therapy at 17 and escaped from both my abusive family and my abuse of religion. I've continued therapy on and off for the last 11 years, have found meds that work for me, and I have come so, so far. My life now is one that I never could

have imagined growing up with so much more happiness, love, and freedom than I ever thought possible. I typically have a hard time expressing any type of pride in myself, but I'm trying to change that. Hell yeah. Fuck that meek Mormon woman shit, Stephanie, you're so correct. And thank you all so much for the content that you create. You truly are a high point of my week every week. And you're a high point of our week every week too, Stephanie. Thank you so much for taking the time and taking the confidence in yourself to write in a self-shout. I'm so proud of you. And thank you, Krisha so much for sending in a shout-out to your new work bestie Amber. Krisha says, I had a self-shout earlier this year when I left my shitty

job in retail and got my real estate license. Unfortunately, it didn't exactly go how I expected, and the market took a turn. I was not making money for months. Luckily, my mom came to the rescue and got me a temp job at Make a Wish Foundation with her back in September. I met my new team, virtually, as we are all remote, and through a random conversation, I found out Amber was an LPN fan. I was so stoked and immediately asked if they listened to page seven. They do. and they are a die-hard fan just like I am and have been listening for years. Immediately, we gushed over this as we don't know many people that are fans and get our page 7 slash last pod references.

Amber moved out of state earlier this year, but we found out we were at the same last podcast show in Arizona last year in November. How fucking crazy is that? But really, this new job has really taken me out of a very dark place, and I appreciate Amber so much. They have been my rock and have been so supportive. of these last few months. They are such an amazing person,

and I'm so thankful to have them in my life now. It feels like it was destined to be that we would find each other eventually. I love you so much, bestie. Side note, I heard on Talking TV this week that you're watching Vampire Diaries. Girl, trust me, it gets better. Oh, dude, I am in it to win it, Krisha,

and I am totally down to talk about Vampire Diaries. I am, now I'm in the second season, and it is just, whew, churning, right along. Thank you so much for your support. Speaking of support, Black Widow, baby, from our chat. Thank you so much for your shout out. Becca says, I just wanted to shout out, oh my God, one of my favorite people for being in one of my favorite shows. I'll start with some backstory. When I was in high school between 2005 and 2009, I was questioning my sexuality, but trying to date guys. I needed one for about six months and thought it was fine.

but wasn't as into the whole guy thing as my female friends. So I started Googling lesbian on my iPod touch late at night when my Christian family wouldn't know. I found pirated versions of a show called The L Word. And after seeing it, I had found my calling. I watched every piece of that show that YouTube could give me, and that's when I realized I was gay. I didn't come out until many years later because of religion and family stuff, but this show

is what made me feel normal. It made me feel like my future life could be accepted and not a big deal in the world. And so, of course, when it came out, I started watching the L-word Generation Q and loved it. But I have never loved it as much as when I saw Jackie make an appearance on it. I literally yelled at the screen, I know her, even though I do not, in fact, no Jackie in a face-to-face way. But you do, baby. I will come to North Carolina. But y'all's podcasts and live streams make me feel like I do, because you're

so real. So I just wanted to shout out our by-Queen, Jackie, for being on basically the most groundbreaking lesbian-slash-queer TV show that has ever been made. It made me so happy and excited to see you randomly on a show that has meant so much to me through the years. I can't even describe it. I hope it was a fun set slash time, but even if it wasn't, I know it will mean so much to the people who know you and know what you stand for that you are on this show. All the love, Becca. Oh my God, Becca, I just want you to know that everyone was the sweetest, It was the nicest experience I've ever had on a set, and I felt so immediately encouraged, and they let me play with it, and it was so much fun.

And thank you for asking. And thank you for shouting me out. That means so much to me. The L word was huge to me as well growing up, and I couldn't believe that, of course, you know, the character's name was drunk woman eating burgers, but I did eventually have a name. And, man, if I'm not typecast by that... I don't know who could be. Love you so much, Black Widow.

And we've got more love going out to Nikki. Nikki writes in and says, I wanted to write in a shout out to my fiancé Nas, as we'll be celebrating our 10-year anniversary this December 12th. We've been through so much, and I can't imagine my life without him in it. We've grown up so much together, and so much over the last decade,

and I couldn't be more proud and in love with the people we've become. We've had big ups like getting engaged and big downs like losing my dad, but we've made it through everything together. I'm writing this in the Uber on the way home from the DC release the Butthole Cut Show and I couldn't be happier to be next to him holding his hand. Nas just got accepted to George Mason University and I couldn't be more proud of him. I can't wait to continue our lives together. Oh my God. And also, happy Christmas. Eve birthday, Nikki. All my love goes out to you both. And I'm so happy that you found each other. Hell yes. I'm so happy for you both. And speaking of being so happy, I need you to know, Carol,

your husband is absolutely adorable and went to great lengths to make sure that he's sent in the shout out correctly. So Carol, please give Jordan extra many, many millions of kids. is. This is his shout-out. This shout-out is for my beautiful wife and partner, Carol. This was the only thing that she asked for on her birthday, and she usually never asks for anything. So it was extremely important to me that I try my best to honor her request. Carol is a huge fan of the show, and she told me that she once shared Lady Gaga's dope video with Jackie, and that that felt important to bring up in this shout-out. Carol, when we met, I was living in a woodhouse. Carol, when we met, I was living in a woodshed and down on my luck. You lifted me up and helped me get back to feeling proud of myself

and hopeful for my future. Without you, I never would have let myself feel those things. And since then, you and I have made a life with one another. We have a loving and communicative marriage, a little home, two dogs and a wonderful kid. All of these things have only been possible with your love and support. I am forever grateful to you for bringing all this joy and positivity into my life. You have always believed in me and shown me patience and understanding. Now, watching you parent our daughter, I am seeing that patience and understanding in a new way. And I'm so glad that our daughter gets to have you as a role model and parent. You are the glue that keeps us all together and going strong. You are the most amazing mom and the best partner I could have hoped for. Happy 35th birthday. Here's the 35

more years and 35 more after that. I love you more than anything and I love you both. Oh my God. Isn't it such a beautiful shout out, Carol? A millions of extra kisses. Oh my God. Happy birthday, Carol. I hope that it is just as amazing as y'all's love is. And I hope everybody else is having an amazing holiday so far. And if it's not amazing, and I know it's a difficult time of year for many, many people, just know that it's not going to last and we will get through it and we'll get through it together. I love you guys so fucking much. Have a great holiday and we'll see you soon. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.