Page 7 - Ep. 478: DILFS Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives

Episode Date: January 27, 2023

This week we're gossin' 'bout the terrors found in MILF Manor, una actualización de HILARIA, more fallout from the Rust shooting, the Poopsie Slime Surprise and Black Eyed Peas feud, and da Oscar noms! And in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; The Tom Cruise plot THICCENS, DA LIST, AND THE BLIIIIINDZ!! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm MJ. And I'm Holden from the Page 7 podcast, and we're going on tour! That's right, we're touring all up in this mother freaking country. I'm fake cursing so whatever, Jackie. Just say the filthy F word already. And we will say the filthy F word when we come to your town. That's right.

We're coming to Texas, the Midwest, the Northeast, and then right back here in Cali, baby. For ticket links and more details, visit lastpodcastnetwork.com. That's right. Last Podcast Network.com. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present. Release the butthole cut. Wait, that's really what we're calling the tour? Absolutely.

Release the butthole cut. For more information, go to Last Podcast Network.com. I've got a little ditty that goes out to both Holden and Hilaria Baldwin. Bailam-a-a-mo. Te-chiero, amor my love my. Bailama. Come, me careo. Can you imagine loving and needing someone so much that in the middle of a song, you just go,

Oh, how I love you. Oh, how I love you. Oh, how I need you. I can't imagine feeling. I mean, I do feel lust for my husband, but I've never just burst out into a song about how much I lust him. And maybe we should be doing this more in our relationships. Do you know what? take a tab out of Enrique Inglacius's book, will you for this one time?

And let the rhythm take you over and let's dance together. Welcome to page seven. By the most, man. Being that kind of lover must be fucking exhausting. Am I right, people? You imagine how a lover he is. I don't sit on the couch instead and watch some more television because I can't watch some more Milf Manor-Livertogical.

You're immediately jumping into Milf Manor. I cannot. She's between Helodia and Milf Manor, and it is a rich, rich buffet to choose from. By the way, Helaria should be on Milf Manor. Can we combine the two? I don't think she has any children old enough. Old enough yet, that's the problem, right?

As we learned last week, she's only in her late fucking 30s, but I'll tell you what's disturbing about Milf Manor. I don't want a 43-year-old to be on Milf Manor. They should all be at least 55 or older, because I was mad that there's a 43 year old. A 43 year old is not a milf. I'm sorry. Yeah, no, 43's too young.

That's like a peer. How old's her kid? How old's her kid? I think that she was one of the people who, I mean, early, the youngest kid on Milf Manor, and we do need to call them kids, unfortunately. Children, the children of Milf Man. The youngest young man on Milf Manor is a 20-year-old. And I don't know.

We got to explain everything is going on. This is all Holden's fault. Yesterday. Yes. Holden started this. We get a text. MJ and I get a text from Holden yesterday. That Milf Manor is the most disgusting reality show he's ever seen.

So, of course, MJ and I both, to the upset of our husbands, dropped everything to watch Milf Manor. Yes. It almost like... Did it not deliver? No, you were... Was it not the most... Were you not howling and agony outstirming?

Yeah, I've never screamed that much while watching a show. And I want to give this to you because I will... say if you want to go into Milf Manor blind, you might need to pause this episode and go watch it right now because Holden, I am very proud of you that you did not burst the bubble of what Milf Manor is because at first, didn't you know. Holden just said, just watch it. Yeah, I feel like I could have guessed it, but I didn't want to guess it. You didn't know.

You didn't know. It's so funny because in the trailer they're like, it's Milf Manor with one big secret. And, okay, sorry, spoiler alert, cover yours, pause the episode. Spoilerler for Milk Manor. This literally happens in the first, like, 10, 15 minutes of Milk Man. No, I didn't watch the trailer. I was blown away. I'm sorry to drag you here, Jackie.

But what could the secret possibly be? Oh, is it going to be that it's their own sons? Of course it is. Come on now. I even watch the trailer. Yeah, but Millman. You can't even drag me. You think their own sons aren't going to be there?

I didn't think about it twice. I blindly followed Holden McNeely. Because I'll follow you into the dark. So if you die, I die. But also, if you tell me to watch Milf Manor, I just put it on. You didn't know? I went in cold. No, I didn't know anything about it.

I didn't know anything about it, but I just guessed. Again, how can you not guess that the Milfs are going to have their own sons there? I didn't think about it. I literally went, Milf Manor, okay, put it on. I needed a show to watch. I need a new show because we need a new show for Talking TV. Yeah. And now we're talking about it on the big show, and you're going to hear about it even more on talking TV.

Yeah, you go with the details on Talking TV. So, yeah, so these fucking. Filthy Milfs go to this island. It's like a love island. They're all like, I'm here to, I date young. I like, they keep me young. You know what I mean? It's all this stuff.

I said it was disgusting. So I just assumed it was really graphic. Like it was like, I thought they were just doing like really insane. Like, oh my God, she's a mother kind of thing. I didn't know how. I wish I was in the room with you when the reveal happened. I mean, did your draw up to the fire? I'm so, yeah, I want to hear more about it because I, I, I shouldn't drag you

because I actually am jealous that you got to experience that realization. I was almost certain that that was the twist, but I still refused, though, I will say, to even believe it until I saw it, because I was like, that's such a vile and disgusting twist, because then the show has to keep going after that. That happens to the first 15 minutes. So do we even say it yet?

It's their own sons. It's their own sons. And I hate to be smug. I just knew that that's what it would be, because of course, you've got to have their own sons there if you're going to call it. It's just so disturbing, and it really is that disturbing. They're all in, like, a space together.

All these horny milfs are hitting on these young boys. So they're trying to fuck each other's sons. Right in front of each other. To their credit, it is not a show designed to have them. Although some of them are a little close. I don't have, maybe it's me and my family's problem that I don't have that relationship with either my father or my mother. No, I don't imagine like.

feel Henry's abs and could identify him by touching his abs. Yeah. So the first challenge, there's like a challenge every week. And the next episode, MJ challenge is fucked as well. It's fucked, man. I'll get into that just a second. But the first week challenge, it's fucked. The first week challenge is literally.

To find out which rooms they stay in. Yeah, the milfs all have to get blindfolded and then feel up the shirtless boys. Including their own sons. Including their own son to try to figure out who's their own son's abs are. I wanted to, I was literally, like I said, and I texted this, I was writhing around in bed, just groaning and laughing. Like, I was just oscillating between absolute disgust and just absolute delight at how fucked this all is. I was trying to make dinner. I put it on while I was making dinner.

And I actually had to, like, shut off the burners and sit. And I held you my face. as I watched the ab touching competition. I was like, oh, oh, look, I was so upsetting. That was when Jeff got home from work, and I was literally sitting on the couch going, oh, oh, no, oh no. And so I rewound it, watched it with him again, and he's just like, why are you doing this?

Why are you doing this, Dallas? Why would you bring this into our own? Jack is the lucky husband in this trio. Jeff really got off easy as because Gideon, finally I agreed to watch Andor with him. We finished White Lotus Season 2. So I got the opposite of Milf Manor. I know. Andor.

Like a beautiful, epic like, like, owed to revolutionary politics. Gideon has already seen Andor. Isn't it another Star Wars thing, though? Isn't it another one? But apparently it is actually a good one. Oh, you haven't seen it, Holden? No, I haven't yet, but I will definitely, I've heard it is one of the

higher watermarks of what they've been doing. I mean, Gideon, who, you know, for anybody who hasn't been listening for a long time, I proposed to him with a Rebel Alliance ring and the recession to our wedding was the Star Wars theme. And he was lobbying for a couple of different, deeper cuts from the Star Wars soundtrack to be the recession to our wedding. But so he's a Star Wars boy through and through. And he thinks that Andorra is the best Star Wars ever made. He's on Star Wars boy. He's not Star Wars boy.

Yes, he is a Star Wars boy. He loves it, and he has been asking me to watch it because he's like, I know that you don't like science fiction, but this is like truly like the politics of it are like the most beautiful moving thing I've ever seen. So he wants to rewatch it a second time with me. Finally, after finishing White Lotus season two, I agreed, okay, I know this is important to you. I will watch Andor.

So I think when it was Monday night, we watched, or no, semester of the Sunday night, we watched the first episode of Andor. And then yesterday, when we were due to watch the second episode of Andor, I said, I'm so sorry, but I have to watch Milf, manner tonight. He told him texted us that it was the

grossest reality show he's ever seen. And I think the moment that he knew he was really sunk was when I realized it wasn't on Netflix

but it was on Discovery Plus. I was like, oh, it's gonna be really bad. We're talking like, sisterly. What's that other? This is like, they have no moral.

Sising sister wives? Oh, smothered, they have no morals. They have no regard for, they'll watch just like a very large person eat themselves to death on camera. They won all that.

Discovery Plus. That's great. woman who looked like a child and it was about her dating life. By the way, this was the text. Holy shit, y'all. Milf Manor is the most foul and disturbing thing I've seen maybe ever in reality TV. It's incredible. You must watch.

I was literally writhing around groaning in bed last night while we watched it. I couldn't stop laughing. Oh, there's another text of yours that I want to highlight. It's disgusting. Yeah, yeah. The challenge or which one? Well, Holden also texted last night at midnight. time, which is only 9 p.m. his time, but he texted, I can't wait to watch more. Seeing them all

interact makes me nauseous in a way I've never felt before. It's this new, it's broken new ground. I didn't even know that they can find this new territory. It's like if you watch like too hot to handle and you think like, oh, this is a little much. Like, it's Shakespeare compared to North Manor. I'm so mad. You have to jump on this. There's only two episodes out. I was so mad because I thought there were more episodes out. So you're right. Jeff, like, won the husband portion of this because I was like, hey, go take a bath while I make dinner. Why don't you go take a bath?

Go relax, take a bath. You're cheating on your husband with Milf Manor? I got it to take a bath. I'm sorry, Jeff, you're going to listen to this and be like, that's why you asked me to take a bath. I wanted to watch Milf Manor in peace. Let's talk about challenge number two. Oh, my God. Write down your darkest secret and they all get posted up on a board and the people have to guess which ones their sons and which ones their moms.

And the worst part is that you win if you stump each other. Like if neither one of you picks the son. But they were so excited when it's like, I knew my son had a seven woman origin. Oh, I knew that. And the craziest one. Or the one with the guy got pink eye from eating ass. And the mother was like, I knew. that was you. I knew that was you. And there's

one, I won't name who it is, or whatever, but there's one from the mom, I slept with your best friend. And this one's a Oh my God. Yeah, M.J. Yeah, bro. And it was not, it was definitely new news to the person and it absolutely devastates them to their very core. Oh my God. It devastates them so much they have to go skinny dipping in the pool. Yes, they have to go skinny dipping on drugs. They were on like mushrooms or something. It was. They were talking drug talk.

Also, like, what of... And just swimming naked in the pool? One of the women there has, like, just experienced, like, a terrible loss. Yes. Her old is... She was like, in her family. She's... She's...

Her son is there. So, her son, who also just experienced a horrible loss in his family are there. I just spent the whole episode being like, you got to go home, girl. Like, you need to process this. This just happened less than a year ago. I want you to go home with your son. Go home. I want you guys to go to family therapy.

I want you to give your son. time to grieve. I don't want you to be on Melf Manor. And on top of it, just in compare, like she keeps comparing herself because she's the only, and she's not even, she's not like, she's not plus size, she's not mid-sized. She is just a, like, an

average body-shaped person. And Charlene just keeps talking about how, this is Charlene, the one that lost her daughter, that Charlene keeps talking about how like, and I'm not as pretty as the other women. On top of the fact, I was like, you should just be lamenting

the fact that you just lost your daughter. Charlene, you gotta go home. Don't even think about your body shape. Don't, also, you're gorgeous. Stop. This is not gonna be healing for you, Charlene. She's like, I just gotta get back out there. At one point she says like, well, you know,

I know my needs and they need to be met. And it's like, girl, get your needs met, please. Like, of course, get your needs met. You're not gonna get them met by hanging out with these 20-year-olds. I'm so sorry, these men are too young to be sex objects. They look like high schoolers.

Like, they do not look even remotely. Like, a 29-year-old shouldn't sleep with them. They are too young. I'm, indeed, also a simple Google search renders hilarious results. Looking up Milf Manor, Metro UK headline, Milfmander viewers, quote, feel sick. Twisted reality dating series. Oh, my God, I hope it's not too much.

I hope it's not canceled before it ends. I have to watch the whole thing. I don't see how these milfs turn out. Well, okay, the next episode's on the 29th. So we've got five days. Will we be together, actually? Because I will watch it in the hotel room with you guys, if possible. Can we also talk about, like, good Charlotte Gabriel, the, like, the son.

Oh, yes, I love Gabriel. Man, but also he's just like, he's such a bastard. He's an absolute, I was just like, I hate this guy. Which one? Well, his mom is the worst. His mom is like the, the fucking, like, the, slutiest. April Jane. And I say slut, you know, I'm not trying to slut,

but I say slut with love. It's a great, prideful identity, but her thing is like, I'm the slut. Because Kelly's. No, no, it's April Jane. April Jane, who's the 60-year-old, who also will say, wow, looks great. Yeah, she's got the Shakira. Oh, you're right. Gabriel is

April's son. Yes. Kelly's son is also sad. Are you going off this off memory? I'm at least looking at the cast. Yeah, I'm looking at a cast list. I'm impressed, MJ. Trauma has a way of, imprinting itself into the brain. So it's really staying with me.

It's very fresh. But there is like a weird, like it does, of course, it's the natural segue into Haladia. Because there's a weird thing in the second episode where Paula and who's the other Hispanic one, Stephanie. Stephanie and Jose. Stephanie is hot, by the way. Oh, there's another milk who speaks Spanish. Oh, that's nice.

She'd be my pick if I was a young stud bucking around, the milk man. attracted to the milfs that I am to the children that are on the show. It is physically impossible to be attracted to a single one of these men. There's one who's like 27. Yes. And he's fine. There's a couple of them who are nice. There's a couple of the boys where I'm like, I would get drunk with you.

You'd be a fun guy to hang out with. But yeah, they're all in general. There's this one, okay, so there's this one date where Pola goes out with the ass-eating guy. And they're doing like the Superman. His name is Jimmy. Holden. Oh, Jimmy is the ass-eated guy. I like Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah. I saw him. Spoilers for episode two, by the way.

He's the ass-eating guy. I don't know. You probably would have guessed it if you had to pick from a line up. Well, don't worry, his mother guessed it. Yeah, his mother-up. How dare you not guess it? But Paula's with him and they're doing like the Superman. He's really into feet and sucking toes. I know. He loves feet.

So hard, by the way. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. That's like the thing that gets me She's like her feet I want to fucking paint her toes It's like the first

It's like the first time you meet him Like his first like Time where he's like talking about who he is on camera He's like it's just like I love her feet I want to suck him I want to taste him I want to lick them And that's not even like right You could take that put it on a normal reality show

It might be a little alarming But then Yikes Add to the fact that He's there with his mother. Yeah. Talk about how he sucks feet. Yeah.

So anyway, go on. So Paula, they're like doing the Superman kind of yoga position thing. And she's like, this is so fun. I do this with my own kids. When they were kids. When they were kids. When they were kids, it makes me think of my kids. They're constantly connecting stuff.

Wait, did I, we say on Mike about Kelly talking about how she, her own son's talking about greater tits are and how much they come out. And she's like, yeah. The 20-year-old. Her son is the young. So Kelly's the craziest one, and her son is the youngest. He is 20 years old. He looks like he's a boy.

He's a boy. He's a boy. And then she starts talking about how much he loved her tits back of the day. I mean, I said this more. If anyone's familiar with Roundtable General, I'm like, I conjured it real. I made it happen. And 30 Rock. 30 Rock had a literal joke about Milf, I think it was Milf Island.

I can't remember the exact word. Milf Island. And so it's a 30 rock joke, but Holden, you're right, in terms of all. If you ever listen to Roundtable and you're like, oh, come on, Holden. It's like, that's this show. It's like a whole show. And you're like, Holden, it's too much. It's so crazy.

And I just feel like it's getting so much crazier once they start fucking. Yeah, Billy is 28. There's a 28 year old at least. I'm trying to see their ages. At least. Nobody should be allowed to be on reality TV until you're 25. Like you shouldn't be, you can't rent a car. You know, you shouldn't be able to get a gun.

Your brain is not fully formed. And you should not. be at a show with your mother. I don't think any of these milf braids are fully for neither. I guess technically we were wrong because there even is a conversation in the show about this. I think that the women

that are even in their 40s, technically they are all milfs, but they're not cougars yet. April Jane is a cougar. At least that's what, according to the show, that is the difference is that as you get older you become a cougar. Charlene, for example, doesn't identify as a cougar yet, but she hopes

to age into being a cougar. I think by the end of the show, they'll all become cougars. They all literally transform into cougars. That would be awesome. Yeah. I'm so bad. I'm so bad. I want more.

20 minutes of the show. I'm sorry, guys. It is the most fun I've had watching a reality show in years. I mean, I can't. There's, what will top this? I don't, I don't know if any, going back to anything else feels wrong. and I'll just be like, I don't want to throw up watching this.

Why am I watching this right now? I don't want to run into the bathroom and vomit everything I ain't for dinner watching this. So what is the point anymore? And like love is blind. You know how Love is Blind started at the beginning of quarantine? And it was kind of like the perfect like, oh, we're all losing our minds.

We're all losing our minds together. And Love is blind in retrospect. It's like not even that radical for a reality show, but it was like just, it was like the first kind of thing to do that. And it felt so like, wow. And I feel like, Since then, each new reality show is just kind of, it's a snake eating its own tail.

Now there's going to be a Netflix show coming out where all the rejects and hated people from other reality shows are going to be here. Perfect match. I'm so excited. It's like a, it's like Love Island with all of the all-star crew from the circle to Hadoxie Handle. Thank God. Yeah. So that's, it's going to be great. But yeah, Milf Manor, it was just like, oh, did you think that you couldn't be moved by a reality show anymore?

Well, you can. And yeah, to segue to the Hilaria thing, there's this, there's a mom and a son who are bilingual Spanish in English and they apparently have a scene where they're speaking. Or no, she's speaking to another Spanish speaking mom. And also, Stephanie, the three of them are speaking in Spanish to each other because Spanish is their first language. And Kelly flips out, but she's like, stop with your, and she's doing the blah, blah, blah, like hand motion. Stop with your Spanish. I don't understand you. And it's very just like, oh, my.

I mean, and honestly, it's the type of social situation where I feel like she could have, if she were polite about it, been like, hey, we're all kind of hanging out and we feel a little like, like when you guys start doing that, because they're all standing in a circle. So I would kind of get why you'd be like, hey, it's kind of like just right now, if you don't mind, but instead she just immediately goes, hey, you're being all Lila, Leland, and we can't hear. If someone did the blah, blah, blah, blah hands in my face, I think I bite their face. When you were speaking, when you were speaking, like, Your own language.

Your own language. Wow, what, quack, quack, quack, quack. Yeah, well, and also the Spanish-speaking mom hates that lady, Kelly. So she does probably want to be shit about her son. Yeah, she's trying to fuck her son. So you want to try to fuck her son, she gets to speak Spanish from front of you. Yes, because you have to say in Spanish, you would say in Spanish, if it was me, and I spoke Spanish and my son spoke Spanish. And this bitch trying to get with him didn't speak Spanish.

In Spanish, I would be like, do not fuck her. she's nuts, which I'm sure is what she was saying in Spanish. Well, well, this helped her, yeah, this essentially helps her be like, hey, so right, this chick's crazy. Yeah. Why would you ever want to be with, she clearly voted for Trump? Like, well, come on, what are we talking about? Yes. And speaking of crazy, yes, we are talking about Eladia.

Oh, Eladia. She is. She is. I'm going to speak. I am going to speak. I am not going to answer your questions. I am going to speak. So you let me speak.

I have seven kids. And so my theory is that she had I love your hilaria impersonation I was surprised she didn't break out with We don't talk about Alex No no no We don't talk about Alec

And you're hearing me And you don't know what I'm talking about You're like MJ you sound a little racist It's because she is not Spanish And she does a Spanish accent Like the accent I can even call it a Spanish accent

because it's not a Spanish accent. She's not a Spanish person. My family is doing it in a question. They said, mommy, they say, mommy, the cameras they follow us. She's doing an impression of somebody whose first language isn't English. It's crazy. Maybe she raises the kids bilingual. Maybe the kids speak Spanish.

That would be great. I don't care. Like, I don't. But even if she did, she wouldn't speak like this. She would not, yes, this is a thing. Like, I spent my entire career working with most. mostly Spanish and English, like bilingual speakers or, you know, people who are learning English whose first language was Spanish. And the idea that she, her explanation when she got

called out in December 2020 for like why she speaks with an accent is like, oh, my accent comes out like when I'm switching between languages or when I'm stressed out or whatever. Like I've done, I've been like trained in bilingual education. I've like taken several classes. I've like, this is like, bilingual education is like, I'm a monolingual person. But, like, never have I ever heard of somebody who's like, oh, I was born in the United States, was raised in the United States. I went to Spain. I went to Spain eight years ago. I speak.

English is my first language. And even if you're fluent in Spanish, but sometimes I get a fake Spanish accent when I'm going in between the two languages. I'm so sorry, I just don't think that is a thing. You are making it up, Helodia. You're from Boston. They even did, like, I started, I went down this warm. It's Hillary, by the way. We should just.

Her name is Hillary. Is that? Yes. She used to be called Hillary. She didn't go to school in Spain. There's a big part of her trying to defend herself is that she said that she lived in Spain until she was 19 years old. That has already been debunked many times. She went to high school in Western Massachusetts.

There's proof of it that she did and that her father did. And every time she goes, every time she said she's going back to Spain, she says, I'm going back to my home. and people are like, you don't, but that's not where you're from. And she's like, my family is there. My family is there. That's where I call it home. Okay, fine. All right, fine.

You can get rid of it. You can get past that. However, her mother, who is also not Spanish and does not speak with a Spanish accent, there's a post that she posted that it says, If you bring Spanish women referring to herself and her mother to a nail salon, they will sing flamenco. songs. And it was just her and her mother singing flamenco songs in a nail salon when in reality,

like you're not, though. And also, I think that her mother does live in Spain now, fine. But that does not, you're still, they have many generations of roots in Vermont. This is the problem. You can be proudly my language. I'm sorry, you can be Spanish in Vermont. I'm just saying that like this, her accent. I can't wait for this email.

Jackie, I can't wait. You can be Spanish in Vermont. I don't care. You have an accent in Vermont. I know that you can. You can be, if she wanted to be like the biggest fucking ambassador for being a bilingual American person, that would be awesome. I think, I mean, more Americans should be bilingual.

It's fucking fantastic. It's the most appealing thing about her is that she speaks fluent Spanish. But the thing is, she. I'm proud of her. I'm happy. I know that she had her vacations in Spain. I'm not taking that away from her. But the problem.

problem is now and before, and especially now because she was being asked about the Alec Baldwin, getting charged with involuntary manslaughter, but also before, and the quote you just said, and what Alec Baldwin, you know, this all came out in December 2020, the clips of him being like, my wife, oh, my wife is Spanish, and she's on, oh, no, no, no. And so, like, you say, you're saying racist stuff. You're, you want, she claimed Spanish identity. And then we'll make fun of, like, Latina women, right? And it's like, okay, that's where you have to You can't claim an identity that isn't yours. And then, like, do racist jokes that would be okay if you were in that group.

Like, you can't be like, oh, you invite Spanish women. We do the flamenco. Like, you cannot make that joke. You cannot have your husband go on talk shows and be like, oh, my loco Spanish wife. Like, no, you don't get to do that. You have to stop before you claim the jokes that are used to make fun of a different identity. Well, and especially all of this came about because Alex, Baldwin is being charged with involuntary manslaughter for the Rust case.

And I'm laughing because it's insane that I feel like the Hilaria video got more play and more access on the celebrity gossip sites than the idea that her husband is being charged with involuntary manslaughter in the Rust case. Because there's nothing funny about him accidentally killing somebody, but there is something very funny about pretending to be Spanish for decades. Yeah, and I get just so dark and weirded out every time I think about the fucking accidental killing situation, because it just still don't understand how, why he would point the gun into a person and pull the trigger. And the other thing I don't understand is anything about it because there's no truth to any of it,

because he's already been disproven that he says he didn't pull the trigger and the gun just, quote, just went off. And we have scientific proof that, no, a person had to pull the trigger. There's nothing. There's no ifs, or butts about it. That's essentially what they said. The prosecution will need to call a firearms expert to testify that the gun was tested and did not fire without the trigger being depressed. This is, I, like, part of me and I don't know if this is actually what happened,

thinks that Alec Baldwin never thought it would go this far that he'd be able to, like, pay his way around it or get this to stop. Yeah. Because when he says that he doesn't pull the trigger. Or say something I didn't pull the trigger and they wouldn't be able to scientifically prove it. I just don't. He must. have pulled a trigger.

Yeah. Right? Like, I guess I'll say allegedly here because I don't want to, maybe if I'm miss speaking, but everything I read. Yeah, I don't know anything about.

Everything I read yesterday was very self-assured that, yes, the trigger had to be pulled. Yes. That's all I'll say, right? So it is just so, the downfall, talk about it, we brought up Shakespeare already.

The downfall of this family is so Shakespearean. It's incredible. Because the, I went into, I did a little, I made a little timeline, because I was like, how did this all happen? Because it was such a rapid decline of this family

because they went from being like, oh, my Spanish wife, ha, ha, oh me. I'm so Spanish and I have five children. And then in December 2020 is when you're not actually Spanish. You've been weirdly claiming this identity. You've been featured on the cover of magazines that honor Latino women. That was her whole thing too.

She's like, I didn't read the articles. And they're like, you never saw that when you were the cover girl for Ola magazine multiple times, they said that you're from Spain. I don't believe that for a miller second. You're Spanish born. You never read any of this. You never looked into any of this. That's also a bigger part of the conversation is that it's not just the accent. She is a lot, like, lies a lot about.

And I, and I know for anybody who listening being like Latina and Spanish are different. You're talking about two different regions of the world. Totally. Yes. That's also one of the problems. Like, because one of the articles about her are like, you know, Helaria, who is white, and it's like, well, yeah, you can be white and Spanish. But, like, she was doing this weird, like, kind of skating by, like, getting by on these, like,

am I also a Latina thing, jokes? And it's just like, what is happening here? But anyway, that's totally. Also, she did change her name from Hillary to Hilaria not that long ago because she said, it made her sound older and more, like, respectable to be Hilaria instead of, of Hillary. So her name is Hillary. Yes, her name is Hillary.

No, Hillary is an older... Hillary is that. I don't know why Helodia is more of a respectable name than Hillary. It's because it's cosplay. And all her children have Spanish names, too. And like, listen, Spanish names are beautiful. Yes.

If you just like Spanish names. She is raising them by language. Great. Awesome. Hugely awesome, yes. You know it is for me, if I wanted to track the turn of when the seed was planted

for me to like totally view them in a different light. I can actually think back in exactly what it was. Biden won the presidency and Alec Baldwin held up that dumb fuck sign on S&L that said, you're welcome, taking credit saying that his like dumb Trump impression was the reason why that happened. I remember that was the first time I was like, you know what, dude, go fuck yourself. Right. And we kind of are, right, there was like a rising awareness of like, oh, Alec Baldwin fucking sucks, right?

But then it was like, oh, he has this wife and all these kids and she's Spanish. And then December 2020, it's like, oh, she's not Spanish. That's kind of fun. And then it was October 2021 that the gunshot and, you know, killing of this DP on rest happened. And so then she had one of the kids, I think kid number six, kid number five or six was born right before the rest thing. And then another kid was born via surrogate just a few months later. And then the final kid, the seventh kid, was born September 22. So my theory is at least that that last kid was just like get me some sympathy back kid.

But also I thought for sure, wow, okay, come on, hilaria. A bunch of serious shit finally went down with your family. This is way too big for you to keep leaning into the Spanish accent. So when that video popped up, I mean, I was just like, I'm so floored. I was so blown away. From last week of her still, still speaking in a fake accent. You have to watch it the whole time. It is her second language.

Yeah, the whole time she talks like that. And it's so crazy. And then enjoy the comments. No one is backing her at all. No. Ever forever. They all call her Hillary in the comments and just keep screaming about it. It's so insulting, I feel like.

And especially in a moment where all you had to do is talking not a Spanish accent about what was happening about how the reporters harassing you. I don't like watching reporters harassed people no matter what their husband did. The idea of it too, it's like don't harass a family of saying.

Yeah, what she's saying is right. She's like, my kids are coming home from school. I'll leave them alone. But since she's like, my children, they are coming home from Eskuela. They said, mommy. They said mommy. And because she does that, no one has sympathy for her. No. It's so crazy.

Like, girl, let it go. Let it go. Drop it. And perfectly, what is her excuse? Oh, well, it comes out in times of stress. My fake Spanish accent comes out in times of stress. You know, so I'm sure it's very stressful anytime you have to talk to the press. And, you know, right, we've talked about the relentless children thing.

And if that's what she wants, that's fine. You know, she wants to be an influencer. But it is also, even even if she's, even if she's, she hadn't been pretending to be Spanish this whole time. She is just like a really, she's just in that category of influencers where you're like, this is really uncomfortable. You know, it's just like so,

so much mining of content, mining your own children for content, you know, in a way that that's why, I feel a little bit callous being like that seventh kid is just to give me sympathy kid. But like, her entire brand is just like, look at me and look at my pregnant body. Look at my favorite.

Yes, and her whole thing is about how like now she's like, now I'm creating boundaries. And so there's this insane New York Times article in interview with Hilaria. And she says, one of the most important places to, I'm sorry, one of them, I'm sorry, I shouldn't do the accent. One of the most important places to start is this idea of boundaries, said Miss Baldwin. And then the New York Times writer says, who invites social media followers into her home life with Mr. Baldwin and their five children by routinely sharing images, like her underwear-clad workout routines, innumerable pregnancy selfies, and the sponsored diaper ad videos of her infant son? Yeah, you're right.

It's boundaries, guys. Give her her space. And it's like, it's an interesting question, I guess, a little bit because, like, at first, before I had kids, I thought, okay, when I have kids, I'm going to be, like, completely, like, locked. I don't want the kids on social media, all that. So, but then as it, like, as I kind of went, I was like, well, these guys are part of my life.

And sometimes I like want to share them with my friends or my community and sometimes I so it's it's I can understand the counterpoint being like well just because you make videos in your home with your family doesn't mean that you're you know that you don't deserve boundaries.

So I there is a there is some kind of counterpoint to be made to that. But again this is this woman doesn't have a career aside from being like look at me, my pregnancies and my babies. I also think you lose that when you use your infant son in a sponsored ad. I think that that's very, I think that there, where is that, what boundary? No, not at all.

Her brand is, is her family. And so to be clearly a narcissist, I don't fucking believe you when you say you haven't read any of these articles. No way it's in a million fucking years. There's so many contradictions in everything that both of them say. They're such fucking liars. Yeah. Everybody sees it.

It pisses me off because then fucking Joe Boomer over there is like, see, look at all these live lore. Laylablers. It's almost like it's going to give you a poopsie slime surprise. Yeah, what do we got for that? You got a little poopsie boopsie in there, holding. Can't wait for this to enter my home, this creature. I can't not talk about the poopsie slime surprise because the poopsie slime surprise

is a pooping unicorn toy that the black-eyed peas are now suing because of their song My Humps, My Humps, My Lovs, My Lovely Lady Humps Because the unicorn sings about my poops. Now, how do we feel about this? I watched it, man, because I was ready.

But I was like, I've watched a lot of terrible children's content. Let's see what it is. And I will say that this is the worst. thing I've ever seen. Sure. I can't wait to have to endure this kind of thing. I can't believe it costs

$100 to $300 too. I'm going to hopefully my daughter never becomes familiar with this, but I will say it's a parody song. I don't see how you don't get over that it's parody and totally

not have a trial here. Maybe it's because... You're allowed to parody songs, right? It's clearly a parody. It's so clearly... My poops. It's obviously a reference to my humps.

Yeah, yeah. It's, but it's, I mean, how do you not claim that it's paired? Oh, God, you know I hate poop humor. Yes. But it does poop slime. And I don't know, I just, it upsets me just the name of it alone. But the fact that it's $100 to $300, I do wonder if that's why there is a lawsuit involved because of how much money they are making off of these poopsies.

Is it a show? Like, what is happening? No, no, no, it's a toy. They cost $100,000 on Amazon. In addition to pooping slime, the toy also dances to a song called My Poops whenever its heart-shaped belly button is pressed. Okay, so it is a toy.

Because sometimes there's a toy and a show, you know, sometimes it's like a duel. Sure. That's what is my poops, my poops, my sparkly glitter poops. I mean, it's definitely a parody of the song, but it's just a parody. So I don't understand how...

What would be interesting is if they somehow get under... they actually have to like pay out or something because I just feel like that's the whole point. You can parody whatever. They're suing them for $10 million. I mean, they're definitely making a dickload of money off of this. So it'll be interesting to see how copyright stuff works when it comes to something like this. But I just feel like it's so impossible to argue that it is not a parody. And I'm sorry, Black Eyed Peas, but if you didn't want people to parody your song,

you shouldn't have written an extremely parodial song. Like that song doesn't exist. Has it not been parodied before? I feel like it must have been. Yes. Maybe they're just offended by how awful this particular thing is because it is a bunch of rainbow, like kind of like roly-poly rainbow unicorns singing. What's you going to do with all that poop?

And it is unfortunately, I regret to say it is like the perfect idea because kids love poop jokes. And they love slime. And they love unicorns and rainbows. and sparkles. Don't tell my children about this story. Oh, no. This symbolizes. Is that what I need to get for the kid?

Oh, my God. You better not. I'm not spending. Don't worry. I'm not spending that much money. Yeah, thankfully it's $100. Thank God it is. Coming into my home.

Between this and like watching the newer Minions movie for a Whizber thing, I like am dreading the kind of comedy that I hate that I'll have to endure that's made for like specifically my daughter. And I'm going to be so bummed out. And I won't even be able to shit on it because why squash something that causes them joy? I can't even do that. We just entered poop joke time in my house.

It's eight ages three and four. Both of them are really into poop jokes. And, you know, it's kind of fun. You'll get over it. But you don't want a poopsie slime. It's not as fun that you want a poopsie slime surprise in your life. I don't want it in the, I never tell them to stop making poop jokes because I know if I do it would just make them more powerful.

But so I'm like, yeah, I'll hear another poop joke. Like, let's do it. but I do want to draw the line at toys that poop, candy that's about poop, you know, like the toilet candy. Yeah, because then they're going to start eating shit. Isn't that what you're worried about? I feel like that's what I don't have a child, but I imagine if I gave them a poopsie slime surprise,

they're going to think, oh, maybe if I push my belly and poopie comes out, that it's maybe slime and I can eat it. I know, I don't think that this slime is edible, but how many kids are going to eat the slime whether it's edible or not? I'd go back to Milf Manor. I'd rather throw up about that. Yeah, Milf Manor is actually a better, a better topic. I think there's a pretty universal human reaction to poop being gross. Like, I've never met a kid. They're fascinated by it, but I don't think that kids ever are like, ooh, what should I do with this? I think

they all know that you don't touch it. You know, it's just kind of one of those things that we're thankfully hardwired into, except obviously some people. We didn't even talk about the Oscar nominations. The fact that Anad de Armas is nominated for an Oscar. Why? I didn't, you know what? I'm going out there for blonde. I thought blonde was like, hated.

I thought everybody hated it. I haven't seen it. Maybe, or, do, does that mean I have to watch it? Because I don't, can someone tell me I don't have to watch it, please? Because I don't want to watch it. Yeah, blonde. Well, this happens. Is that the one where they sued the trailer because it was misleading?

because Anandaramus was not in it? No, that was a different movie. She's very much in this one. That's hilarious if they're like, she's the lead and then she's not in the movie. She's just not in it. Like, fucking Marilyn Rose is like not in the movie. No, it's crazy.

There's lots of, but I am surprised by some of the stuff on here and there's some of these movies that I really need to catch up on. I don't think, I'm throwing out there, I don't think I'm ever going to watch The Fabelmans. I don't think I'm ever going to watch it. I have the screener from Ed gave it to me, but it might just sit there.

I really want to see Tar. I really want to see, like, whatever it is. These movies sound exhausting to watch. Why are you whatever? What are you whatevering on? You have to watch Triangle of Sadness. If you did not listen to the talking TV where I watch Triangle of Sadness,

please watch Triangle of Sadness. It is a great, great dark comedy. It is long, but it is also broken up into three parts, so you can easily put it down and come back to it. but I highly recommend it. Women Talking is such, to me, like, a parody title of a fake Oscar-nominated movie, by the way. Women Talking. That is so funny.

The premise looks like it would be interesting. Eddie told me it's very good, so I'm excited to watch it. If you look at the premise, it looks great, but it really looks like if a comedy show was making fun of, like, best picture Oscar titles. And, like, that would be such, it's so funny. I am surprised how much love the Vanchies of Inchran is getting, which I'm very excited about. Well, people are really hype about it, man. I mean, people are really screaming about it. So there's some good stuff on there.

Oh, yeah. I'm, you know. And Brendan Fraser for The Whale. Best actor. Of course. That's a big deal. That's a huge deal for that guy. I mean, and Brendan Fraser is very good in The Whale.

A film you weren't super hot on, but that he was good. Well, it's just, it's definitely a movie that was made based on a play. So it, like, I feel that the other characters are a little 2D. But Brendan Fraser is very dynamic and very good. I mean, it does start off with a jerk off scene, which is, you know, man, that's when you know you're watching an Oscar-nominated movie. It's like, I'm there's a jerk-off scene. A silent masturbation scene. Oh, no, it was more of, ugh.

Ugh. Why, you mean, there's no music or anything? He's just just as man grunting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man-grunting. Well, speaking of men grunting, I've got a celebrity conspiracy for the little wipe the dickens off of you. That doesn't make any sense. Hit me with a share. Do you believe it?

The Tom Cruise plot thicken. Oh, my God. We get at Tom Cruise? Yep. Emily wrote in with the following subject line. Tom Cruise restroom shenanigans going back to high school. Question mark, question mark. Hello, Holden.

Love you. Love the pod, et cetera. But I especially love you. I think your witty banter is none other. Did they say it? You should get the Oscar for being Holden. Oh, I'm sure. That's a category at the Oscars.

I'm sure. Oh, my God. And I don't think you need to lose weight. I think you're perfect. the way you are and as possible the way you are. So you don't need Focus February. What? Sorry, we just received an email.

This is live update. I know a contestant on Milf Manor. Whoa. Or more accurately, he will be on Milf Manor in a few episodes. How do they know we're talking about it at all? I don't know. Maybe they just assume I've not brought it up anywhere. We literally watched this last night.

I think it's pretty obvious that Page 7 is going to love Milf Manor. Right. We're going to cover Milf Manor. person is my ex and we're still on good terms. So if there are any questions you have about the show, like how the fuck did this get made? Let me know. And I can relay the questions.

So it's one of the sons? It's one of the sons. It's someone that is coming on later on. Oh, oh, they're going to bring in like, so they're going to bring in studs. Suds, man. Non-milf suns studs. That's nice.

If you're out of the island. Sorry, I needed to give this big update. But awful for the sons. Awful to the Suns. But maybe they'll, but maybe they'll bring in Hot. Other hot moms. But what a relief.

Maybe they're going to bring another mother's son combos. Maybe other mother's son combos. You know what they need to do? This is going to be my final thought on Milf Manor. What do they need to do? They need to make it feel less like the sons are at their mother's party, right? Because they're all talking.

Right. And mingling like they do in reality shows and they're all supposed to be drinking and mingling. But at most reality shows, it just feels like adults are drinking and mingling. But at Miltf Manor, all the sons are standing next to their mothers. wringling. And so it feels like you are at like a work party with your mother and you're just standing next to you, but instead of just being like

her awkward son, you're her awkward son who's trying to fuck everybody else. We're still talking about it. That's what you're talking about milk better. I'm in the middle of a conspiracy theory. It is not milk related. There's no milf action in this part. We've been teased with some Tom Cruise and we can't even

stop talking about We can't even do it. We can't even get distracted with new Tom Cruise information Intel. Well, it's good because if we ever have to do a new, if we ever have to write a whole brand new live show and we don't want to continue to talk about Tom Cruise, at least we'll always have Milf Manor.

Yeah, yeah. Page 7 presents Dilf Diner. It's going to be my Dilf's diners and Drines. Dyes. Yes. That is my show. I plan to pitch to both Food Network and the Playboy channel.

Dill, Steiders, drive into dyes. Oh my God, my heart just fluttered. Yeah, yeah. I think I'm having a heart attack, but I think it's worth it. It's so good. What's better than that? Hey, Holden, love you, love the pot, et cetera. Yada, yada, yada, you're the best in what you do.

Everybody loves you. Everybody thinks you're great. So this is like a third-hand conspiracy theory I debated sending, but I think it's fun, so here it is. I grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, and our own fishfucker, Tom Cruise actually lived there briefly, both of his parents are from there. He briefly attended St. X, a Catholic boys high school.

I think it's like a fake buddy that it was St. X and was actually in the same grade as my uncle. Tom's real last name is Mapother. I think we've talked about this, not Cruz, if this is of any use to you. Anywho, my history teacher in grade school once shared with us that her brother was waiting outside the principal's office at St. X when another student rushed up looking very distressed. When asked what was wrong, the kid reported that Tom Mappather, aka Cruz, was in the restroom and had set his pants on fire. Again.

Again? Was fire the first foray into giving himself strange downstairs sensation had he fucked a fish so fast, it burst into flames? Did my grade school teacher make this up to impress a bunch of 10-year-olds? There's literally no way to know. But I fact-checked, and my teacher's brother was indeed at St. X, the same time as Cruz, as were my father and uncle, we had. the yearbooks and holy 70s Batman.

Hope you enjoyed my little celebrity connection and my addition to the Tom Cruise Pantheon. Holden, I'm also a Swifty through and through and please know I sing along with you every time. MJ, you coming out as non-binary helped me come out as nine binary. Jackie, what can I say?

A queen and icon, the moment. Lots of love, Emily, Dave Em. All right. Congratulations. Yeah. Hell yeah. Well, I mean, this is the thing. Anybody who has any information on Tom Cruise, you need to give it to us, right?

Because we need to collect it all. So never hesitate. Yeah. We've got one of those, you know, criminal boards. Yeah. We have like the thread connecting different things. We have one of those in the studio. Yeah.

This is all very important information. And, you know, this is more important than the zodiac killer to us. Yeah. This is more important to, you know, than anything than Hilaria and her stupid fake accent. So please send it in. Yeah. So, you know, the question. Is do we believe that maybe the pants on fire was a precursor to him.

Well, the other thing was, was he being a liar, liar? Yes, that's the thing. It's tough. It's tough to have it be pants on fire because it does sound like. Was he just lying so hard if he's that good of an actor, he lied so hard about something. His pants literally got up fire. Maybe a team came in and said, what are you doing? Are you fucking fish again?

And he said, no. And then his pants burst in the lane. And then his pants on fire. Right, yeah. Or maybe he was jerking off so hard. Have you ever jerked off so hard that it started to like steam? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for a sudden that the steam started coming up. Like for somebody was a workout.

Yeah, it's like you're making of like a friction. Maybe friction's so hard against his pants that his pants set on fire. There you go, listener. So was Jackie making the jerk off jokes today, right? Yeah, see? Diner's driving. He needs some kind of special friction if he's fucking fish. So he could have been doing something.

Absolutely could have been the precursor because he might need a special type of friction, a special type of rubbing. Special type of friction. That comes from fish scales, but he didn't know that at the time. So maybe it was something to do with other flammable materials or the back of their throat. It depends on which holes he's going in. So is it just a bunch of like over the hill dads eating like sloppy burgers and chicken wings while like flirting with like really hot like 25 year old. Dill diners, drive us and daughters. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, they're covered in barbecue sauce. Yeah, they're covered in sauces. Do you watch football? But that's how they seduce them is by cooking. So they have, like, each have their own different, like, grills and setups and they're making their signature dish. I could totally fall in love with almost anyone if they are cooking me their signature dishes.

But I feel like the type of people would be on the show, be like, yeah, I have this diet where I don't eat anything. No, that's why you bring on real people like me. Yeah. Where I'm like, I'm also going to, like, I'm going to treat you so good. Right. If you can go for me, I'm a true. You're so good.

You're like young mama, you know what I mean? You're coming in. I love being called mama. Oh, I love it. I know I'm not allowed to be because it's appropriate mother. You call yourself mama. There's no thing. Car yourself whatever the fuck.

Yeah, we don't give a flying dog fuck. You take it. I don't even really feel like a mama so you can have it. We got to get to the list. All right. It's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie.

Got to have that list. Oh, I should have the list open, but I don't. It's a horny one. 15 horny quotes from wholesome folks, huh? Yeah, dude. We can promise that at DILF diners, Drives and Dives, the DILFs won't be trying to get with a group that is their own daughters, right? Can we draw that line?

Yes, we can draw that line. I don't, as the third of this concept pitch, I'm withdrawing. It has to be their own daughters. It has to be. It has to be. daughters? Yes. Yeah, because if it's a rough,

if, if, if, if, if Milf's have to all their own sons, then Dils have to. I'm going to give my dad a call and be like,

Dad, you got to hold on. And if, you can't go anywhere because we've got reality television to make. I'll tell you what too. And the like voting off ceremony

happens on a fake pirate ship and at the very end, the person who gets voted off has to literally walk a plank and be thrown into the water. Oh, I love that. We'll do it during Gasparilla.

Yeah. We'll do the Tampa Pirate Festival Asperilla. Sure, whatever. That makes sense. It does make sense. It does make sense. A bunch of tilts of the...

Yeah, reality show. Tampa sounds like a great destination. Yes. Especially when they're throwing... There's breasts and there's beads. It's Florida's Mardi Gras holding. I love it. Yeah.

Mr. Rogers was bisexual. And he said, well, you know I must be right smack in the middle. If you're talking about sexuality being a scale, because I found women attractive and I found men attractive. And isn't that good to know, I'd watch that tape. Love it. We're talking about horny quotes, everybody. Betty White talks about taking a pounding.

Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina. Those things really take a pounding. I know. I've been trying to come up with a better. I do, all right, I love the pop of, like, calling someone like a fucking pussy, but I don't agree with the word.

Yeah. These are very strong and vibrant. Yes. I want a new word that feels as good as saying that, but isn't that referring to that? because I agree. Viginas are crazy. Yeah. Crazy.

Do some crazy. Do some crazy. Yeah. It's tough. I used to love cock sucker as an insult, but then I realized it's like homophobic, so I had to stop saying it. I feel like I'm always chasing an insult that sounds as a medically satisfied.

Yeah, exactly. It's the fanatics. That's all it is. Cox. You fucking coward. It does feel kind of good, but doesn't that pu- You pussy, you know what I mean? I've been watching a lot of it's always.

sunny recently and I've been wanting to start calling people turkeys. Tell you turkey. You're a turkey right now. It's pretty good. Anyway, Steve from Blues Clues was on a date with a Playboy model and he noticed a Blues Clues themed birthday party. So he popped into the birthday party to impress the Playboy model. He says, I thought, believe it or not, this is the only game you have, man.

So would you be more sexually attracted to a. person that was on a kids show if they walked into a kid's party and was like, look, it's me from the kids show unannounced. Does that make, does that turn your sexual juices on? Not me, but Steve

also does, he told a story on the moth, actually, about the exact situation of being on a date with a very beautiful woman and she like had, he like took her back to his place and she was like, now put on the outfit and like act like, whoa.

And be the guy. Like, can you be the guy for me? And we can, like, play a little fantasy thing. So there are people out there that are like that for sure. And he made that nice video, you know, during the pandemic where he was like, hey, guys, it's been really hard lately. And everybody who grew up with lose clues was like, yeah, it has. So, like, I feel like he seems like a really fun guy.

I think it depends on if you were a kid and he was like one of your early crushes, which I'm sure is true for some people. Oh, sure. Then it would be really fun and exciting. We were like, you know, five years too old to ever have watched or had a crush on Steve. So he's just some guy to me. But what about Daniel Radcliffe and him talking about his first time? He says, I'm one of the few people who seem to have had a really good first time.

I'm happy to say I've had a lot of better sex since then, but it wasn't as horrendously embarrassing as a lot of other people's were. like my friend who got drunk and did it with a stranger under a bridge. That's way better than my first time. Under the bridge? Under the bridge on time. It sounds like he had sex with a trope. Yeah. It sounds like Daniel Radcliffe's first time was probably with somebody for whom it wasn't

their first time. That's probably why it went well. I think the awkwardness comes when it's both people's first time. Both of your first time. It was with someone who it was not their first time, but I should have been more forthcoming than it was my first time. Yeah. And instead I was like, yeah, I do this.

And then it was so awkward. And I, like, felt so awkward about it. And it was horrible. I mean, maybe that's why you needed to have sex with Mrs. Brady. Florence Henderson once said there is no age limit on the enjoyment of sex. It keeps getting better. And you know what? She's right.

Wow. It does keep getting better. Just keep on. Keep it on, everybody. And so there you go. That's a Melf Manor quote right there, I feel like. Yeah, and blazing that above the halls of Milth Manor. Instead of having a live-lap love signs,

they just have quotes from like Florence Henderson and like Betty White and other. The part where they're all sitting around and like they're trying to do the thing that they do successfully on other shows, but it makes no sense for this show. They're like, I think this is going to be a great experience for us to learn about ourselves.

And like, you're on a show called Milf Manor. Yeah. You can learn about yourself so many other ways. leave this place. That's why Charlene's got to go home. Charlie keeps being like, I just need like some self-discovery. I need like a confidence boost. Your son is here to eat, pray, love across Europe or something.

Because also her son hasn't talked about yet. He just lost his sister. Why isn't he talking about this? But you know what? It'll help him forget about that. Banging a bunch of filthy milfes, bro. No, her son is the one that was a, who was a, who was. a male entertainer.

So he's just busy dancing on all these. He's going to be forced. I saw the next song. He's going to be forced to give lap dances to all these people. And I'm going to assume that's going to include his own mother. Right, right. I have strong boundaries about talking about any kind of sex stuff with my parents. It is just so just nothing about that is ever good.

I mean, maybe you can write in, be like, I love talking about suck a dick and fucking. fucking with my mom. And go for it. But I just have that boundary. I cannot cross that boundary with my parents. The twain shall never meet. Right. What's the last on this list that has something to do with both manner?

Ed Sheeran doesn't suck the farts out of your ass. In case you were wondering, he goes down on female partners. He didn't get pink guy from eating ass. And then the worst part about the guy that got pink guy from eating ass, he's like, yeah, you know how you go. back and forth and you go back and forth. No, go back and forth. You never go back and forth. You don't go up and down and then you go left and right.

No, you don't go back and forth. No, there are two different ecosystems. You can't let them interact. Never between chowd me. So is that mean you gave her pussy pink eye as well? I don't know. Almost certainly gave her a UTI. Jimmy.

Go back and forth. Jimmy. Oh my God, Jimmy. That's my list for you. Jimmy's mom. Teach your son better that those are two different ecosystems. Come on now.

And maybe you're feeling like, hey, you guys just gave every like disturbing moment from the first two episodes. Still watch it. It's not a lot in there. There's, A, we didn't give up all the most of the,

no, there's so many discussions that are so wrong and inappropriate that happened within the first two episodes. And also, yeah, it's seeing it. It's actually seeing it to believe it. Feel it.

Like, make, let the nausea roll through your stomach. And don't even turn away. Like, I feel like most reality shows to be like, we can't show this. guy's clearly traumatized that his mom fucked his best friend. Give up, you know what I mean?

No, they just show it all. No, man, they showed it all. They bring in the dead daughter thing. Just bring it up and just throw that at you as another fucking thing to make you upset about the show. It's crazy. There's no laurels. It is really.

I talked about Too Hot to Handel. I was like, man, I need the morals out of here. I just want. That's true. I want Westworld the reality. Like, I just want nothing. You know what I mean? That's this.

And now I don't know. You're right, though, because too hot to handle. and love is blind are both like hung up on this ridiculous premise that it's like wrong to be attracted to someone if you don't also like love their soul. Right. Just like just a fucking dumb like hyper, you know, conservative kind of Christian like, like, well, you can only, it's only real love if you like, love who they are regardless of what they look like, which is like not how love works.

And so, yeah, totally puritanical. But you're right. Finally, a reality show with no creepy conservative. No backbone. moral compass trying to guide it. Don't get me wrong. It's creepy as hell, but there's no morals to it. You're right, Holden.

Yep. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God for Milf Manor, man. It probably so much to it. I think watching Milf Manor may have affected my eyesight. I think it may have made me go. It's for the best man.

Blind items. We can't see him. Just stay blind, man. Here we go. Nothing about Milf Manor in here. Let's see if we can find a way to bring it up. again. This is Golden Globes blind. Oh, by the way, the blind item site got fixed. Vimo was concerned about my potential mental breakdown. Everybody's been writing in me like, is Holden okay?

I did. I got it. By the, I wish I could call your name out. I could go look and find out, but somebody did write in and be like, hey, they released a statement about how they're just having technical issues and the site will be back up. And thank God you did that because it really put me at ease. And the site's back up now. Golden Globes blind, number one. This A-list social media star turned B-list actress was Coked to the Gills at an after party. She's very She does dances

that she stole from black people. Addison. What's her name? Ray. Addison Ray. Yeah, she's coked up at the after party. I mean, yeah. This is a slow week for blinds. Weirdly, I thought I was going to have so many blinds and it was like, yeah, especially after the Golden Globes, there's always

a bevy. Well, here's another Golden Globes blind. It was also one where I'm glad to just talk about this story. I was worried you were going to have it in the articles, but they weren't there, which is great. For me, the host told a great joke slash made a great comment about the celebrity cult, but everyone was scared to be seen laughing in the room

for fear of retaliation, not just from the cult, but the actor who the comments were directed towards this guy cares for fish in a fascinating way. Yeah, it was Tom Cruise, like how he gave up his golden globes or whatever, right? Yeah, and do you know the host? Girard. Yes.

Yes, Carmichael. Yes. Gerard Carmichael went after Scientology, holding three Golden Globe Award trophies. Carmichael began his joke by referencing Cruz returning his Golden Globes in 2021 after the Hollywood Foreign Press Association dealt with a scandal on membership. Quote, backstage, I found the awards that Tom Cruise returned. Then the host continued, I think maybe we take these things and exchange them for the safe return of Shelley Miskavage. That line drew audible gasps from the crowd as it referenced the wife of the leader of Scientology,

David Miscavich. Miscovich, whatever. Who cares? Shelly was last seen publicly in 2007, and many have speculated as to her. Whereabouts? Really fun, balls like. A joke you literally could not make in Hollywood

about five years ago. No, one that I'm sure he is going to feel some repercussions. But not as many, I think, as you used to. And I think we're finally able to start being like, there's a missing woman involved in this crazy, fucking cult. I'm sure she's not the only one

as well. Oh, sure. And they like torture people and they want to defect. I mean, it's, you know, these fucking people. You know what I mean? It's on the outs though. We're on the streets. Scientology's on the outs. All the documentaries is the missing woman. Yeah, man. Yeah, and I think all the secrets

they have on people, if the secrets that they had on Travolta and Cruz were that they were closeted, like, that's just not that powerful secret anymore. Who gives? No one gives. except for them maybe. Yeah, they might give. But who cares?

Yeah. Yeah. But who, you know, I wouldn't give a fuck. It's not like he's not maverick after that. You know what I mean? He'll always be my mav. Even if he's fucking making out with guys. You know what I mean?

Yeah. In fact, Danny Zuko to me. It makes more sense that he'd be that guy because of the homeroticism in the top gun films. You're right. Yeah, and most of John Travolta's films as well. Oh, my God, yeah.

Absolutely. What were you going to say? Nothing. Just like I told you last week and has been confirmed this week, this A-list rapper split with the reality star. He just has never cared for as much as his longtime girlfriend. He's responsible for many deaths. It's not interesting.

A-list reality star. No, not the reality star, the rapper. Kylie Jenner. Yes. And what's his name? Oh, my God. I'm blanking. His last name is what we would call a someone from the UK, a certain part of the UK.

Wait, did they defect from the UK? No. The fraser. The fr-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I look it up. It's Travis Geiser. Travis Geiser. Travis Scott. Wait, his name is Travis Scott.

What, what were you talking about? Yeah. A Scott. A Scott. We would call them a Scotts. Oh. That's part of the UK. Those are two generic names put together. Travis and Scott. What the fuck else would say?

The first word is a name you give to a shady eight-year-old. Gaze-all. You guys through the weirdest guess as possible. A Brit, maybe. That would have been a good start. Travis Britt. A geyser? I didn't think a geyser is something you call the European person.

The UK people on reality shows are always calling people gaises. Remember? Yeah. a turkey? No, I forgot. I forgot about that fact. There's such a turkey. There was like, ah, a giza, isn't he?

You know? Yeah, they always are in it. Or as Hilaria would say, un-gisario. Oh, no. How you say in English? I do want to just give a quick shout out to Janelle, who sent in that we shouldn't get crocs.

We should get these things called bubble slides. Great. I'm very excited about bubble slides. Because Jenelle teaches at a college and all the art students this semester have been wearing bubble slides. So I think that we just got some intel. We just got some youth intel here.

Oh, what the youth are doing. What the youth are doing, and it is bubble slides. And I think I'm going to buy, and you can put things on your bubble slides. They've got essentially gibbets. Ooh. That's the thing. They need the gibbets.

I also heard several crock alternatives. And listen, we're not saying throw away your crocs, you know. Crocs are, you know. or if people love their crocs, they're for the long game. We don't even know for sure if Crox did something that was actually shitty

or just if it kind of looked shitty. But I do love hearing the counter proposals to Cracks. Bubble slides are hideous and they're even worse because they are slides. I mean, it's kind of what you would maybe conjure up in your head

thinking about. Yeah, those slides are exactly what you're picturing. But they're all bubbles instead of like where, but then you have, not only now do I have to endure like crock-like shittiness in terms of the look

of them, but then toes pop out because they're slides. So I also get feet. I mean, the good thing about crocs. There's no toes popping out. I'm seeing toes in these bubble slides that I'm looking at. And they make me want to fucking. Oh, you can see the sheath of a toe. How do you feel about Helatia's, like, fuzzy, like, fuzzy expense?

You know, the slides that rich people wear that are like the faux fur that was popular in the 90s and also like sequins. Oh, yeah. No. I don't do that. I get the Nike basketball. slides and they're like $30. They're just horrible.

It just goes to show. I mean, that she's, she has no idea. I mean, the way she's coming off in every facet. Like, she needs, she needs a better PR person, period. Helodia. Helodia. They both do. Or someone to just take total control.

Everything she does is easy to hate. Yes. She's a nightmare person. It's crazy. Like, I've never seen such a lack of self-awareness. Narcissusis, though. Oh, yeah. It's great, too.

Those seven kids are going to really be, being raised by those two, 100% narcissist. I'm sure they've got enough nannies that hopefully there's some sort of barrier between the kids and them. And nanny slowly transition into therapists. Yes. So you just go from nanny directly into,

I have a team of now therapists. Therapists. To talk about all of the issues I have. Yep. Oh, but they must have a big house, though. Wouldn't you love to see the inside of their house in Manhattan? Oh, my God.

Where you could fit seven kids. By the way, too, you know at least one of them's going it'll come out of this with a fake Spanish accent. And that's going to be crazy. I can't wait to watch it. That's going to be crazy, dude. All right.

We gotta get out of here. Thanks everybody for joining. I can see again. And I see that we have a Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. Weekly bonus episodes for $5 a month. Jackie, reading the books, us doing talking TV.

And yes, also add free episode. Consider joining at the $5 layer, at the $10 layer. Join us every Thursday for our watchalong. It had been Jersey Shore. I'm considering putting a bid in for Milf Manor, but we do just have... I'm considering it. I mean, we could. Maybe we have to wait for a few more episodes to come out.

But I'm considering just why wouldn't we at this point? I'm down. I'm totally down. But either way. It's hard to top Jersey Short, which is actually like... a perfect reality show. To like watch and not watch. I think we should put up, we should put up a poll.

We're going to put up a poll. Either way, regardless, it's going to be a deeply entertaining, deeply screaming, screaming, deeply screaming, addy, reality show that we're going to enjoy. And that's the $10 layer on our Discord. If you have any, if you're confused by the word Discord, we will help you set it up so that you can join us so that we can all scream together over reality TV once a week.

It's so much fun. Patreon.com, forward slash page 7 podcast. Jackie, what do you got? My name is Jackie Zabrowski, and you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That That Worm, and you can follow us on TikTok at page 7 LPN. But also, if you are listening to this right when it comes out, we are just doing our last shows for Release the Butthole Cut Tour. So if you are in Austin, get your buns out to emo's.

And if you were listening to this, it wouldn't enough time. Go to Last Podcast Network.com for your tickets. And hopefully, these shows have been doing so. well, and we've been having such a blast that we might be getting more tour dates in the future. Bet. So excited about that. I'm going to start saying bet, by the way. That's what people say now.

I can say bet. I soared right past it. Bet on it, bet on it. Bet on it. Bet on it. Bet on it. You can bet on that. I tell you what.

And MJ? My name is MJ and I'm MJ K. Elcat on Instagram. You certainly are. Oh, yeah, doggies. So thank you guys so much for joining us this week. We love you so much and we will be back next week. Goodbye, everybody.

Boy. Didn't it like that, huh? Yep. That's what I did. This week I dills, diners, drive as you die. I can't wait. I can't wait. On a 20-year-old girl's breasts.

All right. How do they get all this sauce? I'm here, Daddy. Oh, I'm so drunk all the time. Bye, everyone. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

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