Page 7 - Ep. 482: Call Me Gronkie

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

This week we're gossin' 'bout memories of sketches gone by, Harry Styles taking a BIG SIIIIP out of a shoe, the Barney redesign NOT BEING SEXY ENOUGH, Holden being a very normal child and enjoying John Grisham, Kelly and Mark goin' LIIIIVE, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Does Leonardo DiCaprio listen to headphones AND VAPE DURING SEX!? AND A crazy fan merch list, the blindz, and SHOUTZZZZ! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Man, it's an oldie but a goodie, and I am certainly not lying to you when I say that I cannot get the thong song out. Wow. Oh, no. Oh, that dress so scandalous and another can't handle it. And you're shaking that thing like who's at it with a look and the eyes so devilish. You like to dance at the hip-hop spots and he cruised to the grooves and connect the dots. Not just her a bench. She liked the pot. She was living-lo-a-lo-me-da-l-l-l-ha. That's a different song. What? What?

What? Nah, Zach, what. What? What? What? What? I want to see it again. Yeah.

I can't. I don't know what to do with myself. I tried to listen to it yesterday. I feel like this happens to me quarterly. Definitely. This exact opening has happened on this exact show, including the introduction of like, I don't know why. I can't get it out of my head. I can't get it out of my head.

We could probably find the exact episode where this has happened. I know. I don't know. because I literally have my fuck-it hat on right now. Yes, I have my fucking hat even over. I've got the cans on, and the cans have pressed the hat to my head. So I'm listening to Holden and MGA through the fuck-it hat. And I feel like that's giving me extra energy.

You can get your own bucket head on bigjacky.com, starting with a promotion. Wow. Yeah. He's got dumps like a truck, truck truck. Yeah, man, you know what? My thighs are like, what, what? Yeah, they're kind of asking. a lot of questions these days, your thighs. So, like, how, what is the meaning of it all?

Yeah, questioning. What's a double entendre? Just interesting questions coming from Jackie's thighs these days. Existential thighs. I think I'm thinking again. That's the problem. That's why you got to stop that one part. If you say, if you no longer say, I think I'll sing it again, you don't have to keep singing it.

You have to say it, bro. No, that's where you cut it off. If you just stop going, I think I'll sing it again. You're saying stop right before that. Yeah, or, or I think I'll sing something else. I like shirts and I like shoes. I like dying and a bottle of booze. It's living room Larry. Wow.

I thought that was me at the age of 25. No, living room Larry. Living room Larry loves pants, loves shoes. No other piece of clothing, though, will do. The problem is that it's honestly, it's you, Holden, that's trapped in my head because if it's not the thong song, it is your song from a murder fist sketch that we did many, many years ago that Holden sings My name's George

And I can do Something you cannot do Suck my own cock Don't cock Suck my own dick Suck until the come it makes me sick And that's also been trapped in my head And I couldn't start with that

That's not the energy we need Or is it the fucking hat? I don't know Not at all It makes him sick he does it so much You just I also get an old murder A song stuck in my head sometimes. Oh, what's your own?

The one you can sing. The sketch about Nico from Velvet Underground dying at a bike accident. Night in 1980, ride in Friday, my bike. And it is, you don't understand the loneliness. At least you people are surrounded

by other murder fist members all the time. You don't understand what it's like to just be a person, a parent in your mid-30s, late 30s now, walking around a neighborhood full of children, just wanting to sing to you So it was

1989 riding my bike. I died when I was riding on my bike. You can't explain why it's funny because it doesn't sound funny when you get it sounds awful. It was, I literally just like, it was, yeah, I wrote the sketch. Ed and I wrote that sketch and we just like,

it's a Nico monologue from the, I couldn't get over the fact that she died in 1988 and riding her bike. I just like kept putting that fact in everywhere. Because it was like her as like und dead as the undead doing like a solo performance.

Yeah, so it was a zombie Nico wearing a helmet with the ukulele talking about how she died. She wanted to sing all of her songs but just replace the words with the mere fact that she died in 1989 riding her bike. And she's wearing a bike helmet. There's like a stick coming out of it. I saw so much murder fist for such a like,

I saw you guys probably every week for, I don't know, from 2009 to 2011, 11, 12, yes, and it was just like it just embedded its way into my brain. Yeah, I couldn't remember a lot about those years, but definitely remember that sketch written by Holden and Eddie. In 1989, riding my bike. Now, this is, for those of you that are not aware, Murder Fist is the sketch group that Holden I were part of for many, many years. And also included Henry and Eddie and a lot of our other friends over here on Elpian. And it is weird because I am married to someone who has never seen murderface before.

So I often find myself sometimes explaining sketches to him. And he follows me and he's down. But also I'm like, that's not funny, Jackie. No one wants to listen to you, describe a sketch that you were a part of 10 years ago. This is the loneliness of the former sketch comedian because a lot of the sketches that, you know, you were lucky enough to be a part of between the ages of 18 to, 28 or however long it happened were very, very fun and funny.

And then you find yourself going through the rest of your life and being like, oh, this reminds me of a sketch. Don't describe it. Don't describe it to this person. They're not going to get it. And then you just start explaining, it was a sketch. In my case, it's this sketch about,

that we did in college where a guy quits his job. And then he's so happy that White Snake, here I go again on my own starts playing. It was one of my favorite sketches. and it's impossible to describe. I'm doing it right now. Everyone's like, it's not funny. It means nothing to us.

Yeah, it's probably, you know what? It makes me think about all those guys from like the big band boom of the 90s. Oh, yeah. You know? Oh, you think they feel lonely too now. Yeah. So lonely because they're just like,

they had a moment. You had to be there. People were learning out of swing bands. Like the style of the time, it was like chain wallets and zootsuits. Pins stripes everywhere. The whole movie swing kids suggesting that movie swing dancing was some part of the holocaust in an important way really really had to be there we were kings among men and now i can't you know what i mean i've got this horn i can't play it in any other kind of situation i know i love a horn i love a horn section i love a horn we've talked about this we know mj does yeah exactly that's why you know scah is uh on the menu for sure when it comes to this podcast but yeah those guys must just saunter around with their little trumpet

phone case, just being like, I just want to play again with my, you know, my crew. Yeah. I mean, my crew, the cherry popping daddies. Why is everyone walking away? Why is everyone walking away from me? Is it the name, maybe? Or maybe it's the fact that the cherry pop and daddy started drinking out of their own shoes. Oh, who drinks out of a shoe?

Oh, we talking about shoeies? We're not talking blue, eh? I know you both think that I'm talking blueies. We're talking shooies. The Australian drinking tradition called Given a Shoey that Harry Stiles performed on stage last evening. And for those of you that are not familiar, I was not familiar, with the fact that this is something that, like, is a thing. That apparently they did, which Holden, this might prick your little ears. That apparently it's something that they've done at Formula One before, the Formula One drivers,

drink booze out of a shoe. It is primarily usually beer. Now Harry Styles, there are many, many pictures of Harry Styles when he was down under and he was given a shoe

that was filled with, I'm assuming, beer. Oh, my, I'm good, I guess. I'm looking at the pictures. It really is just a straight-up someone's shoes. Yes, it was popularized by Formula One driver Daniel Ricciardo. Do you know him, Holden?

Do you watch him perform? Uh, yeah, yeah. Do you watch him make drive? Is that what they call it? Is holding a race car guy? Is Formula One race car? He loves, he's trying. So we talked to, you just talking about this on talking TV.

I got into it. Yeah, yeah, he's great. He is, by the way, look him up. He's like one of the, he's kind of the one of the pretty boy, like playboys of he's very, like, brash and like, he's definitely like a ladies man and all this kind of stuff. Very charming. And I think, I bet he has the cock the size of a, I would say, at least a pony. Or a race car driver.

probably. Yeah. Apparently he poured it into his own shoe, Harry Styles did. Yeah, so the $780 Adidas Gucci shoe. Like, I don't even know how rich people with their shoes. I guess Adidas and Gucci did a partner. I'm sure that shoe. Actually, the only part of it, the thing that actually throws me off isn't the drinking.

Because, you know what, I bet his feet are fresh, freshly manicured. Like, you know he's in such good shape. Also, he's probably got a sock on. Yeah, he probably even had a sock on. You know he's in such good shape. The part that throws me off is the part where he takes the wet shoe and puts it back on his feet and performs a whole concert. I cannot. If I put a toe, a socked toe in a puddle in like my bathroom or whatever, we're changing socks.

You've got to start over. You've got to start over. You can't live in that wet, especially when one is wet and one is not. Maybe like I would literally drink from both shoes and be like, fuck it. Because then I just would have the even, but to have one wet, one knot and it's just going, you know what I mean And he's like I'm at a sushi restaurant

I'm fucking in a restaurant It's better than that The music is better than that I'm fucking in a restaurant Is it a man? Is it a woman? Who knows? Is it a man?

Is it a woman? Who? Who knows? I will also say because of you Holden someone in my life And I'm not going to say Who referred to Harry Styles as mid And I was like

You get effed And get out of here Well I know that Henry and Natalie are not Harry fans I will never say. So I'm going to go with Henry. I'll never say. I'll never say.

I'm going to say who said it. Maybe Henry. And it broke my heart because he's not Mids. No, he's not. He's upper crust. He's swag, bro. Roll him up in a month. I'm kidding.

Swags. I love his last album. I think it's great. I wouldn't get it on. Vienel. But either way. And I love though, what I loved about this is that he did say before he did it. This is one of the most disgusting traditions I've ever heard of.

But he still did it. And as he put the wet, like, the wet shoe back on his foot, he said, I feel like a different person. I feel ashamed of myself. It feels so personal, such an intimate moment to be shared with so many people. I find it interesting that he finds it so intimate. I would have to say that was a better response. So he had a better or more interesting response to drinking booze out of a shoe than seeing his movie in the movie theater. Or winning album of the year.

Like the premiere of his biggest movie. Yeah, this was the time to say this sort of thing doesn't happen to a guy like Yeah, this sort of thing doesn't happen to a guy like you. Yeah, his response to Drink out of Shue, totally appealing, like normal, personable, like, charming. His response to going to his own film's premiere and winning album of the year, absolutely indefensible. Yeah.

It's where we're at. It's where we're at these days, people. It is where we're at. And it is where we're at as well. seeing a new design. Yeah, it was clunky. It was clunkier than it usually is. You know, I don't get praised

when it's a really good transition. That's not true. We often say good segue, Jackie. Yeah, we often say good segue, how are you going? A good segue, Jackie. I'm sliding into dinosaur turn. What?

Because, like, I'm sliding into a third. I'm sliding into dinosaur turd. What the fuck? What's that? I'm talking about parties. I'm trying to talk about Barney I'm sliding into dinosaur I was like wait is this a jackyism

where instead of saying I'm awake now You have to say third You say dinosaur turd instead like Because that would be a fun thing If you were like It's like a lot Did you come in second or turd

You know that would be a fun Wait wait is this Are we about to talk about Theodore Rex My favorite film starring Whoopi Goldberg Oh you fucking wish we were No I'm talking about the redesign of Barney the dinosaur

and I'm angry because he's not sexier and we're going to talk about this Put him in heels I want to see some like I want some thigh high boots on Barney The internet I don't think really went aflame with the new

design of Barney but of course they were trying to make it like the internet is so mad About the new redesign of Barney Darnie Darnie yeah he's Darnie because he's going darn, I've been a bad dinosaur.

Sorry, I also have this really big clamp in my hand that I keep gripping. And I think it's making me angry. You're a key grip. I don't know why there's a clamp next to my computer and I just keep clamping on it. And I just want to put it on your nipples holding. It's like a reverse stress ball. The squeezing is supposed to make you cover. Yeah, it's like amping you up.

No. I just feel like I could punch through a wall right now. Fuck it. I think I need a clamp. I need somewhere to put my arm. energy and maybe I need a desk clamp where I just got a big angry clamp to squeeze. That's what you do next time, you know, you have a four-year-old yelling because they don't want to put their clothes on. Just get your clamp out and just, but don't menace at them with the clamp.

Just do it up in the air. It's just a personal clamp. Yeah, it's not a weapon. It's just a personal clamp. It's a personal clamp that I squeeze. It's a personal clamp. All of my parenting, exhaustion and feelings out. Put it in the clamp. Put it through the clamp. Put it into the clamp. I don't want to have sex with this dinosaur. I never wanted to have sex with Barney either. Did you watch Barney? Were you the right age? I was too old. I was too old. I was definitely like only cool to super hate Barney, which

was also funny. We would hate watching. Barney was like the first irony watch for people aged to be like, oh, this piece of shit, which is so funny to be like a nine-year-old making fun of what four-year-olds watch. Like, good for you. We don't like it. We had to like throw our childhood away in the trash

for some reason around that age. Like, there was definitely, there's this weird thing that happens. You're only, like, a little kid for so long. And you're just like, that's little kid bullshit stuff. I'm into the cool stuff, like, you know, what is, uh, oh, Lizzie McIre and cars. Yeah. And cars.

Yeah, Lizzie McIre and cars. That's all I was into, man. Um, no, but this was around the time that I started reading Stephen King book. So I, that was my, always my thing of like, um, I'm too busy reading Stephen King. Yeah. So I can't watch Barney. busy reading very intimate details about this man's genital warts or whatever it is. What?

Well, I remember needful things. I just was a lot of chapters about how painful it was for this guy to piss. Oh, yeah. Like some kind of urinary tract issue. Oh, man. I was like, what am I doing? I'm fucking seven. I'm going to read about this.

My insufferable childhood reading thing was that I got really into John Irving novels, which is even worse than being into Stephen's Dick. I know. Everyone want to talk about World According to Garp? I'm nine. I want to always talk about World According to Garp. So you're nine years old reading that like biting off the dick scene? Absolutely, 100%.

I think maybe I was 10. Whenever the movie, there was a movie came out that was kind of like inspired by a John Irving book. I will search once I'm done talking. I will figure out what year it was. But I went on this John Irving cake. Why? I don't know. I don't even like reading long books now.

Herving's books are like 700 pages. Do you read the cider house rules? Oh, yeah. Cider House rules, very upsetting. Very upsetting. Yeah, I remember at least the John Irving phase at least started before middle school because I was in middle school reading Cider House rules and a boy got really grossed out. I must have read some bad paragraph aloud.

Again, insufferable. If you saw me. If you saw who I was in middle school, you would just be like, shut up. I must have read a paragraph from Cider House Rules. and this boy was like, uterus, ugh. And I, of course, was like, it's an organ. Excuse me, it's not a dirty word, uterus, uterus. And I was just like trolling him by saying we're uterus again.

Very cringe looking back. Oh, my God. But you being a Stephen King kid instead of Barney, of course. Like that makes perfect sense. Yes. Oh my God. Just imagining you reading a prayer for Owen Meaney. Just like, ha, ha, ha, ha.

No friend We were talking about this the other day It's weird this is coming back up But for me it was the client By John Grisham That was the first And we were like very much A John Grisham house

Oh my God Don't bring up John Grisham In front of Holden Because I did this MJ Trauma We were doing Jack in last Ridey And he was so upset And it was like

Why are you so angry Towards John Grisham right now? It was just we just were It was a lot It was a big part of the It was definitely like Look mom dad I'm normal

boy. I read the John Grisham novels. I was really into it though. But all of a sudden the narrator comes on and goes, but he wasn't a normal. Now let's watch the Pelican Brief starring Julia Roberts. That's a normal boy thing. I think normal boys were reading like animorphs, you know? Right, right, right. Animorphs is

fucked though. So if you want to Animorphs is super crazy fucked. We did an episode on it for Wizard in the Browser. Do they actually like experiment on the children and that's why they morph? No, they were like I just know, like, it gets into, like, genocide and shit. It gets into, like, crazy themes of, like, warfare.

And it was this kind of little secret, like, if you knew, you knew. And I didn't read animorphs back in the day. But if you did read animorphs, it started out, like, one way. It's these aliens, right? And they, like, give the ability to change the animals to the kids was the thing. But, yeah, there's all sorts. I think there might have been some experimentation kind of stuff. But it's, like, with that alien race and this other alien race,

race that they get into all these insanely dark themes that was like way crazier than what John Grisham was fucking writing about. The real literature was happening over at Animorphs. Yeah, yeah, the real literature was happening in the Scholastic Book Fair, not at the fucking Barnes & Noble or borders or whatever it was. I love the covers, though. The covers were unbelievable. The covers were great.

So much fun for the memes and everything. And then my second book was the other, I would say these are the two of the Mount Rushmore from Mount Rushmore. from Mount Rushmore was just two authors. No, no, actually, Mount Rushmore was three authors for me. John Grisham, Michael Crichton. So we're definitely, first book after the client was Jurassic Park, for sure, please. Just like a man at an airport.

Like, that was your literary profile. Yes, a man at an airport is what I was reading in fifth grade. And then Dave Barry to complete the man at an airport. Yeah. Barry turns 40. I mean, when this came up also recently, Dave Barry is the most like... You've been middle age since you're eight years old.

Dave Barry is the most like, your dad read all of his stuff and laughed out loud reading it because his observations about being a white man in his middle age were so pithy and hilarious. Dads love Dave Barry. Every dad has several Dave Barry books on the bookshelf. Yep, several hardbacks.

Not every dad. Yeah, I was going to say, my dad has some of that. A certain type of thing. My dad isn't pithy, I would say. I don't think he enjoys pithy humor. So, yeah, I read some of his, his travel guide, I believe I read, was one of my first books. That was my first comedy readings. Yeah, wow.

Outside of Farside and, you know, Calvin and Hobbs. It is objectively hilarious that, like, the two people that, like, shaped you as an adolescent were John Grisham and Dave Barry. That is really right. And Michael Crichton. Fuck's sake. I didn't know. John Irving is still a lot. Oh, yeah.

Man. Oh, yeah. Oh, I bet he's still pumping out the hits. Do you think he got his dick bitten off like he wrote about in World According to Garb? I probably not. That felt a little unnecessary, right? What do you mean? Didn't that scene feel a bit much?

No, it was great. It's perfect. I don't think. World According to Garp is perfect. I don't think his penis need to be bitten off to get the point across. Darker shit happens in all in the other books. I think the World According to Garp is his most famous book, but something extremely, disturbing happens in every book.

That's kind of his thing, I guess. And that must have been my thing. I was like, oh, give me the weird 600-page epic novel where like one really fucked up thing happens in the middle of it. And you're going to remember it forever. Right. Yep. The car, they drove the car into the other car

while he was getting the blowjob, his dick got off accidentally. That's what 10-year-olds should be reading. Yes. I think it makes us stronger human beings to read these things. I mean, I kind of get the whole thing. My mom's like, whatever you want to read. If you want to read it, you can read it.

I mean, I think about just frequently. Yeah, you and Henry and the way that you guys discovered, I frequently think, okay, as a parent, what am I going to do if my kids are like Jackie and Henry and they come home at like when they're like, you know, seven and nine and are like, we want to become obsessed with serial killers. And I do think that your mom did the right call by being like, do whatever you want. Because of course, if you censor it, it becomes more appealing. And so I think it's actually, I think your mom made a very. interesting choice that obviously shaped your lives in some important ways, but turned out to have been the right decision. Yeah.

What if they come home and they're like, what? And you're like, what's that in your bag? They're like, nothing, nothing. And it's like a Sean Hannity book. Yeah. What do you do then? Yeah. What do you do?

It's like, because at the airport. Don't tell me where I can take my gun or something like that. It's like some kind of one of those. You know, the airport used to just be a bunch of John Grisham novels, but now it's a bunch of Sean Hannity, you know, tombs. There you go. Yeah. Will the cycle continue?

Yeah, will the children just become, be like Little Holden, wanting to just read what a grown adult men want to read when they forgot to pick up a book until they got to the airport? They forgot their newspapers. They needed a little romp, something entertaining. I think about that all the time, too. I mean, just the part where, like, people used to just, like, go to the airport with, like, nothing.

You know what I mean? Just nothing to entertain themselves. They'd be like, yep, I'm going to sit on this flight and think for three hours. I have many sandwiches. You have to have multiple sandwiches on a flight. You know, you got to bring multiple sandwiches. My favorite is when the TSA pulls it out.

And they go, what's in here? And I'm like, it's sandwiches. And then I smile and I go, T-I. And then a bunch of pills fall out from the middle. Oh, oh, God. It's my mama-go-to-sleep sandwich. Don't worry. These are just dick pills?

Why do you have dick pills? Don't worry about it. Don't ask me. And definitely don't ask me any questions during 9 a.m. and 10 a.m. in the morning every morning, because I think I have to start watching live with Kelly and Ryan, except not live with Kelly and Ryan anymore.

It's going to be live with Kelly and Mark. Real quick. Barney got a redesign. The article was about how some people are thrown off by the redesign. It is the most innocuous, completely harmless redesign. I think I may have ever seen. Yeah, it's nightmare inducing you mean?

Yeah, Barney looks fine. The internet is slightly. updated Bernie. People just need to have opinions on Twitter. I just wanted him to be sexier. I'm mad that they didn't make him sleeker. He also. That's what I wanted.

I want him to be more gender ambiguous just because I want to see more sort of Fox News segments on the degradation of America surrounding like cartoon mascots of things. Yeah, they should have made Barney and they them and see what Tucker Carlson had to say about that. Get Barney like a patch of like blue hair up top

that slightly kind of covers one eye. And don't even say anything else. He's holding, like, a cup of coffee. Yes. He's over, like, a cup of home brew coffee. And then that's it. Don't even say, like, trans or anything. They can just see how they react.

Yeah. That'd be so funny. I would love it. No, I don't think the internet really feels that Barney is now nightmare-inducing. No, it's a non-story a bit. But I think the redesign's actually good. Oh, you might drink it from a shoe. I give it three booze-filled shoes.

Oh, whoa. What kind of shoes, though? Oh, uh, uh, uh, a day. That just knocked him off a pedestal there. You know, I don't know shoes. I can't say crocs. They didn't spill out the holes. It would come out the holes.

That's what I was going to make fun of you no matter what shoe you chose. Right, what shoe I choose. Yeah, so just spoiler alert. Who throws a shoe, Jackie? Man, back in the day, are you bringing up when the shoe was thrown? At President George W. Bush. No, I'm bringing up. Lost in hours.

Oh, yeah. Who throws a shoe? Come on. By the way, when I was saying her, She just thought it was crazy earlier when I was like, I made who drinks boost from his shoe? That was me referencing the Austin Powers line. I mean, who throws a shoe? Remember?

Yeah, it's tough because that line was probably written. Austin Powers probably came out before somebody threw a shoe at George W. Bush. Yes, unfortunately. But now I can't. I don't think I've ever really seen them. Awesome Powers? I was obsessed. Obviously, I mean, I've, you know, my Twitch channel, I scream, she's a man baby.

Like, anytime something happens. the things from Austin Powers, but I don't think I ever actually sat and watched it. It came out during my hater years. We talk about our hater years. I was just like, I'm not, I don't watch things like that. Oh, I saw this shit in the movie theater. I thought it was much more serious than that at the time. I was a serious child, okay?

But don't you say get in my belly all the time? Of course I do. You say get in my belly all the fucking time. Yeah, because I like saying get it my belly. You don't even know what you're referencing. Sam, you see this character. I do know what bad bastard is. I work in pop culture.

I'm familiar with it. Wow, I think we need to do, we need to watch those. You're going to watch out. The clamp's coming for y'all. Oh my God. I'm just going to put it on my... Elbow skin. Weenis, weenis.

Clamps got your weenis. That's what I'm going to say. Jay's a bully. I haven't even talked about Mark Houselow, a.m lodge from Riverdale. replacing Ryan Sechres is the best news I ever heard all week. Also, meanwhile, I thought this whole time that that other hot guy, Michael, was still the host. That apparently has been six years.

Oh, no, it's right. It's been, I mean, I can't with Ryan Sechrest. And apparently he's having too much exhaustion. I mean, their schedule's got to be rigorous. They must have to get there at like 4 o'clock in the morning. I'm sure it's like, it is got to be difficult to do this five days out of the week. Do you want the blind I had lined up that I will now expose? Is it talking about how much Kelly Rippa and Mark Insuela fuck?

Nope. The daytime host was doing everything in her power to push out her co-host. She hates him because he is a bigger star. Her last host became a bigger star too. She hated that. She wants someone who she can control. I'm sorry, Kelly Rippa, I got news for you, but Mark Consuelas is also going to be the breakout hit. I mean, people, I thought people like Kelly Rippa, but if you're going to have Hiram Lodge on the set with you,

he's going to upstage yet because he's... Yeah, do you think they're going to be all, like, sucking on each other and, like, being all gross with each other? I don't think so, but they definitely... I actually think it's a really smart idea to have a husband and wife team that have been married for a very long time time together, that still openly talk about how their sex life is still great, and they've always made that a priority between the two of them, because they both have decided that a long time ago. And I think that it's a fun dynamic to bring in because also talk about, I think even less, than Starbucks, Ryan Sechrest is for me. I honestly, if you put the...

He's Caribou coffee. I can't choose him out of the lineup. You're gonna get all the Minnesota. He's bad at us. Jack and I got Caribou coffee at the Mall of America. And it was fucking delicious. It was terrific. Carribo coffee's great.

Carribo coffee's great. I love caribou coffee. Don't make me clamping you. Crapoo coffee. Sing it sets you free. It sets you. I think that Ryan Crest is like... It sets you free.

Ryan Crest is like gas station coffee. Yes, yes. Which also can be good. Don't get me wrong. I think the other thing to say about this too, though, is like, I feel like every morning talk show of this nature tries to simulate the married couple co-hosts. Like, you know, they're always trying to kind of make it like, we are almost married where we might as well be married. Yes. Including Hoda and Kathy Lee.

Yeah. Yeah. And instead, it's like, let's just get an actual married couple. I mean, you know, I just, even as just a person who does, uh, uh, stream. once a week with my wife. It's like, that's your playing with fire. That's the thing. I wouldn't, if you have, they have this wonderful, amazing relationship that's like a model

for all people their age to be like, we fuck and we like are so hot for each other. And I feel like getting up at 3.30 of the morning every day of the week and working together might not be that fun with your spouse. But I don't know, maybe they're the relationship where it will work great. But I think I agree with you, Holden. It's like it is supposed to feel like a husband and wife. That was kind of the whole Kathy Lee and Regis thing. And then that energy got transferred over to Kathy Lee and Hoda.

And so I get it. But yeah, I just don't think that I actually would want that type of working overlap with my marriage. It would be tough. It would be hard for sure. Not just my cock. It would be difficult in many ways. Do you fight with your wife live on stream, Holden? I mean, what's the biggest fight you guys have gotten into?

What did we do? We do kind of get, we'll sort of, I'm jokingly get into it. But yeah, well, we've, God, we've definitely, we scrap a little bit. I'm trying to avoid it there because no one takes my fucking sign. That's why I think it's fun. That's why I ask these things because I would be like, you're wrong. Oh, Lexi is fully aware of the power she wields over my chat, and I am fully aware of it. So I'm just like, yeah, honey.

Because at the end of the day, if I don't look interested during the astrology, parts of the stream, then there might be issues. How do you have to look interested? Do you have to like keep your eyes really wide your mouth again? Oh, wow. Is that?

Moons in Vegas. Yeah, I get really high-pitched. Oh, wow. Crazy, yeah. But they love it too, so it works, so it's good. Oh, that's great. I meant to tell you, Holden, yesterday I taught my kids to say, now I've heard everything.

And it was awesome. That's great. I was trying to give them examples. Like, let's say, for example, you saw a dog wearing shoes. You could say a dog wearing shoes. Now I've seen everything. And they kept coming up with different examples. They were like, like, for example, a dog wearing hat.

You could say, now I've seen everything. Oh, my God. That's so cute. I love it. I love it. So fun. Oh, it makes my eutie go splushy. Wow.

I want to watch. I just, I'd watch this. tape. I don't really, I'm going to throw it out there. I don't really care about Kelly Rippup. She's fine. Yeah, she's fine. I think the thing I love the most about her is that she's married to Mark Consuelos. Yes. That's a lot of having a favorite part.

Their skin is so, I mean, they must win the award for like, couple with the tightest skin. Yeah. Their skin is like so perfectly just wrapped around their bones. Their whole bodies look like they've just been like, yeah, like squeezed from the back and then like cinched. Like they have like the Homer Simpson clamps on the fat.

in the back to like stretch him fully out. Yes. But also this is another one of these articles where all of the comments are just like, they should kill them both. I don't give a shit. I was like, God, my God. The vitriol that people have for, because like I guess any show that it's on for this long, that you, they've had such different iterations of it that people are like, just cancel

the show. You may as well just cancel it. It's not the same show that it used to be. It can't. the host keep dying and you have, well, not a lot of them, just the one,

just the Reis Wilbin. Just Reyeshabilbin, okay? But I'm saying they're gonna age out of it. And it's a successful show. Was this comment necessary? Truck job? Well, I guess it was

because you got 57 likes. Not familiar with the new guy, but I don't watch the show anyway. Haven't seen it since Regis left. Who? Why are you? Why? Every seven people are like,

uh-huh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's replies. There's seven replies. I mean, I actually, that was, I forgot that that was what I wanted to say about this. I can't believe there's still enough of a demand for morning shows that cable must be, like, who is watching, who has cable?

I used to have cable and I loved it, but it was so unaffordable while trying to maintain the costs of like all of the streams you have to, or all of the subscription things you have to pay for, that we finally bit the bullet and got rid of it. But like, who is watching morning shows anymore? It must exclusively be boomers. And the demand for a morning show. like that must just be really dying out because those boomers aren't even getting up and going to work anymore presumably. Probably most of the demographic is just retired people. They start with Kelly and Ryan

and then they just switched right on over to either MSNBC or Fox News depending on their political affiliation and leave the TV on all day. But you think about this load, like how many places we just traveled to during the tour that like we would be sitting in the hotel lobby

and just the Kelly Clarkson daytime talk show would be on. I feel like that's the, kind of environment when like places that just have the TV on all day and they just need like generic family friendly content on all day long. Yeah. And I mean, please, if you can give me the job of a daytime talk show host, I'm asking for it right now.

I'm asking you if you're listening. If you could get me this job, I would do it in a fucking heartbeat. Jackie and I have always imagined ourselves to be the next Kathy Leanne Hoda. And now it's not even Kathy Leanne Hoda anymore. It's Hoda and some other, you know, Zorro, Zumer and it should be us. It's always been us. Can I be Gronky or whatever the producer

guide name is? Feldman or whatever it is? Oh yeah, you can be our Feldman. Is that Feldman? Yeah, yeah. Or but you call me Gronky. Oh, yeah. And I come out. Oh, no. Is Gronky coming? And then I come out of like a fake sewer drain, a bunch of slime comes out. I'm covered in slime and that gets me

Gronky. It would be so good because... I throw pizza at the crowd. I throw pizza some people can eat. Oh, it's Jenna Bush, by the Oh, it's Jenna Bush, really. That's who does the, it's Hoda and Jenna. Unbelievable. It needs to be us. I'm sorry, Jenna Bush Hager.

Jenna, okay, so it would be so fun because we would be just like this show, we would be discussing some new trend, perhaps drinking out of a shoe, we would be sitting there, we would be drunk, it would be 10 a. Oh, we would be drunk. We would be like, Harry Stiles drink out of a shoe, and then we'd be like, gronker, get out here, drink out of his shoe, and then we could make hold and do it. Oh, we would make you drink out of a shoe. There's not enough cum in this shoe.

I want more common. I want more shit. You're going to have to tone it down. You're going to have to tone it down. This family-friendly television. Family-friendly television. Anybody want to see what my butthole looks like. It's nice.

It's a starfish. Look at it now. And then I bend over and I show the audience my fucking butthole. Barely, Jenna Bush Hager also doesn't wear underpants. And I understand you, Jenna Bush. Yeah. So we're on that together. You can be the Jeddah Bush Shaker.

I'll be the Hoda Cotby. Okay. And I'll be Gronky. And you'll be Gronky. Well, see, we've got the pitch. Who's going to give us a show? Gronky says try nicotine gum. Yeah, well, let's not get everybody hooked to nicotine gum.

Grunky says try nicotine gum. It's better than smoky. For half a second, I thought you said nicotine cum, and I was like, I don't want to know how much nicotine you have to smoke to be able to have your gum produce nicotine. There are families listening to this. Oh, I'm for God, there are families listening to the show. Someone is taking their kid to school right now. You're talking about nicotine come.

I'm sitting here trying to do my fun, child-friendly Grongky bit. She's being Gronky. Do you want to see what me butthole looked like? No, Gronky. We don't want to see what your butthole looks like. But thank you for offering.

Yeah, I like Wario. I like Yoshi. Yeah, and did you like the matching tattoos that J-Lo and Ben Affleck got from Valentine's Day? I did that. I did that. Talk about mid. Oh, my God. I think those tattoos are mid.

Wow. I'm glad I brought mid to the show. We have not been using the word mid. We have not ruined the word mid for an entire generation of kids yet. So now I'm glad we're finally putting that in a place. And if you guys want to bring any more words in, you know, that are of the generation, I welcome it. But yes, you're right.

It is a fucking mid-ass tattoo. It is essentially just like, J-Lo's got the eternity symbol with an arrow through it. And Ben Afflex is just two crossed arrows and it says J&B. Actually, it's not even a very good tattoo. It looks like it's on his armpit. No, no, no, it's inside the arm. It's on the opposite side of the elbow. Oh, I like those.

It's on the middle meets. Which I feel like it would be kind of a sensitive area. Must be. I love all. Oh, yeah, no. Tatoos, though. Man, I love bicep tattoos. I love inner arm tattoos, forearm tattoos.

So it's got to be a pretty mid tattoo for me to not like it. Oh, yeah. You should see my butthole tattoos. It's Gronky. Oh, God, Gronky. Get out of here, Gronkey. We didn't ask about where you have tattoos. And I'm going to go eat at Burger King, which is mid.

That's also mid, Gronky. Yes. Bye, everybody. Bye, Gronkey. I think Gronki's going to come back with a full back tattoo with a Phoenix because I love the Photoshop job of like making a joke that J-Lo went out and got the full back tattoo that Ben Affleck has, that horrific Phoenix tattoo that he's got on his back. Yeah, yeah.

It is worth looking up. I've looked at this tattoo probably more than 95% of the American population and every time I look at it. I am shocked at how bad it is. It's hideous. It looks like he got it in the 1970s, just like the way the color scheme is. is so, I mean, Jailo nailed it. She's like, there's too many colors in it.

It's just like a mess. And she said it's not cool. Get a cooler tattoo. Yeah, yeah, totally. It's just like such an uncool tattoo. And this is what she said when they were not together. I love that this was a comment that Jalo had when the two of them were still broken up. This was in 2016.

And she said, it's awful. I would tell him that. Like, what are you doing? It has too many colors. His tattoos always had too many colors. They shouldn't be so colorful. You know what I mean? They should be cooler.

And that is such a dig. And now she has to look at it every single day. Every time she's fucking in the ass from behind. I don't know what they do, man. I mean, I bet it happens. She just spits on it and stuff. She's like, I hate your fucking tattoo, you little fuck boy. And he's drinking his Dunkin' Donuts getting railed.

And he's slurping down that dunkies, man. How hard he's fucking shooting fucking fat. Do you think he's hard? I forgot. It's a family programs. Yeah, it's gronkey, please. Do you think he gets hard, though, every time he drinks don'tkees? Do you think that's something that, like...

You think it gets him hard, bye, babe, eh. No, Jackie doesn't know what you're talking about, Holden. She hasn't seen Austin Powers. Yeah, that's the thing. Sorry. Bye, babe. Get in my belly. I was just talking about because I like to eat food.

I don't know. There's another meaning for it. Oh, my God, I'm going to start explaining every Austin Powers reference to you. It's going to be so fun. So fun. If somebody puts their pinky up to their mouth, They'll be like, okay, so Jackie. That's Dr. Evil.

One million dollars. One million dollars. You wouldn't get that though because you've never seen Austin dollars. You wouldn't get that one now. One million dollars. Party on, Wayne. Party on guard. Wait a second.

That one I do now. No, I know about as much as someone that used to go to the Spencer's every other day. You know, I think that there was a good amount of Austin Power stuff at the old Spencers for quite, That's right. That's right. And they had that thing with the pins where they make a face in it and the little pin thing. Oh, I love those. A middle finger in it.

Middle finger. Yeah, you leave it like that. Middle finger. And nobody knows who put the middle finger in it. Wow. And they also have the fart spray. Yes, they do. But I think that it is time, I think it's time for a celebrity conspiracy theory.

I don't think so. Oh, is it? Bronkey. He has one job. Dronky. Oh, welcome, everyone. It's me. It's time for Bottle Time with Grunky.

Oh, I love Butthole Time. Oh, let me squeeze out. I ate a banana. Squeez it out hole. Oh, oh. People are going to never listen to the show ever again. They're never going to listen to it. Hit me with the share. Do you believe in?

Does Leonard DiCaprio listen to headphones and vape during sex? Oh, I'm sure he does. one comes the look of disgust on both MJ and his face right now. So fun. This one comes in from Izzy who writes, hey, I'm new to conspiracy theories. Apparently, Leo DiCaprio wears headphones during sex.

It's a TikTok from one of his exes. Read the captions. So then, Izzy links to a TikTok from a user named Monica Moore Smith 5, who referenced Leo in her video with the caption. I said he wasn't allowed to wear headphones when we got intimate and that pissed

him off. So I left. is he then also tosses it a link to an article about it. Back in 2016, this from the article, speculation about Leo's sex, quote unquote, kinks emerged when a source claimed the Hollywood star like to engage in sexual activity while listening to noise-canceling headphones and while vaping.

The music, apparently it was MGMT management. Huh? I like that band and I got a man. Baw. Baw. That's my impression of their music. Wow. This is according to a friend of someone who hooked up with him.

She also said that after he vaped and threw in the headphones, he, quote, signaled her to keep going while he just laid back and zoned out. The woman was so confused by the situation that she just carried on, embarrassed, and hoping for things to change. Apparently those things did not change. Maybe that's why Leonardo DiCaprio and Gigi had just broke up. Maybe. Could be.

And also, yeah, yeah, that was also funny. Actually, I shouldn't have even thrown this link in, but apparently he's, like, very upset that everyone knows that he only wants to fuck, like, barely women-aged women. Yeah. And it's getting to him. It's bothering him. He doesn't like that, yeah, it's bothering him that the truth. Everybody's talking about the things that I have done now for many, many years. Yes.

But anyways, I love that it was management. I love the little details, right? That he was listening to management, that he was, you know, and the vaping is so funny. I mean, this almost makes me, I don't feel bad for him because I do think that the young women thing is like bordering on like, it went from like a fun fact to like, yeah, like,

not so fun. Yeah, it's real, it's, yeah. I mean, it was never that fun effect, but it was kind of like a point in laugh to like a, now it's like a point in question. I feel like we miss one of the facts about the dating the much younger woman. It's not just that they're like taught

and young and fresh and all those kinds of gross things, right? It's because of the amount of shit they'll put up with that an older woman wouldn't put up with. It's just the fact that they could walk into a house and it can be fucking in shambles and they eat out of their own, you know. I know, I've been watching Milf Manor. Oh, I know.

They just eat what we will put up with and what we will not put up with. They eat sandwiches off their stomachs, you know, of their own stomachs, stuff like that. Just weird stuff like, oh, you don't use plates? Like what plates are just, It's the thing you have to wash. You know what I mean?

It's like that kind of logic. And they'll put up with it. Totally. And they're like, oh yeah, this is, I guess what like living with a man is like, since I've never done that before, since I'm just barely an adult. Yes. I completely agree. Yeah, there is like a, you can get away with just, yeah, shittier behavior all around,

both in terms of how you are interpersonally and how you take care of yourself. And, yeah, I mean, the thing, it's, I guess it's weird that now the two things we know about, Leo's like sex drive is that he likes very young women and he yet wants to have a completely like sensory deprivation experience when having sex with them like just do VR porn just don't they have the things now that you can strap the thing to your face and then like the thing jerks you off can you just do that yeah or does he like not like having sex with them I mean I guess that I'm not I'm actually not trying to to shame but like if you are just zoning out quote unquote and not excitedly participating.

Like no one's making you have sex with these young women, dude. If you don't like sex or if you don't like sex with them, like have sex with someone else or maybe you don't like sex. Like I actually don't get it. You could solve two problems at once by not having sex that you seem to not want to have and you could stop dating extremely young women and everyone would stop laughing at you about it. Yeah. Have you ever tried an old ass man?

Try one of those. Oh my God. Take out growing up. I think that we in our car had to go out with greg sewer train full of oil and slime. Yes, please. Well, over on Milt Manor

this week, they said that they, the new the new Milf said she doesn't like dating men her age because they're all too emotionally fragile and you need to reassure them all the time. And I actually thought that was pretty funny. I also was very surprised,

can we just say real quick, very surprised with how her son, the new son Ryan that came in, At first was like, oh God, this guy is not going to do well. He is too nice to be a pussy. He ate that orange. He ate the fake pussy in front of his mom and she was loving it, by the way. He like she literally ate pussy in front of his mother.

It was a manning him and it was an orange slice. And all the other mamas were just like, ooh. All the other mom was loving. Yes, this mom was loving it. This mom was loving it. Plotoral area throb. This was the episode of Miltz Manor where I had to say to Gideon, I think this show has jumped the shark. Whoa!

You can't be given out. I don't jump the shark. I think this has been jumped. But this episode was the worst of all of them by far in terms of how inappropriate it was. I can't wait to continue to force MJ. I'm sorry, not force. Encourage you to watch Milf Manor now because it is now your job, MJ, to watch these shows. That's right. It's not me who you have to apologize to, Jackie. It is the adult that I live with, who I watch television with, who is very unhappy. Sorry, Gideon.com forward slash page 7 podcast.

You not only get a chapter from Jackie's book series. You also get the new show The Leftovers, but Jackie and I were talking about all the articles we didn't cover each week. It's like a post-show type thing. It is an absurd amount of content.

It's so much content that you'll be content. I just, that catchphrase, though. It's so much content that you'll be content. Wow. But if you write it out, it will just look like there's so much content, you will be content. That also is true.

Yourself. Your friend, that you'll be content. It works both ways. It's like a threat. There's so much content in this continent that you'll be content. Oh, that's too much.

It's too many. There's a lot of consonants in this content that the continent is very content. Wow. Lip teaser. Lip teaser holding me Really My bottle just got stretched

to the basketball Can we silence Gronky? Is there going to be like silent corner that we can put you into? If you want to shoot Gronky in the head No, no violence toward Gronky But maybe a little bit of a clamping Clamp his lips together

I just want to die I believe no I believe this about Leo Yep Yeah I believe I believe Sorry about that I will speak for

Gronky, and I apologize for Gronki's behavior. Because I am going to clamp his lips shut very soon. Grunky needs to be time for the list, Gronky. Gronky stays behind the camera. It's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

Ridiculous pieces of merch targeted at gullible super fans. Wow. There were Star Trek official urns. You can get official Star Trek earn for your ashes endorsed by Star Trek.com. It's made of composite materials with a stainless steel faceplate with your name and an inscription for only $800. The only thing I have a problem with here is the price. I mean, I think that's cool as shit.

Yeah, I think this is great. If you could see it, it looks really cool. It's like this like silver box. It looks very futuristic, but in a Star Trek way with your name and everything. It's pretty neat. And it's one of the only fandom. where I'm like, no, no, no, you can, you, there are super fans that, that, you know,

are reasonably super fans because of how great the product, the, you know, the source material. It is a beautiful urn. It's a beautiful earn. Oh, oh. It's a, by the way, I can't stop this thought. That new song by Miley Cyrus Flowers is just, It's a beautiful life.

Uh-oh. It's a beautiful life. You can buy me flowers. You get better. I think it's a stretch grunk. Sorry. No, it's not. If I was TV, what is the name of Girl Talk?

If I was Girl Talk, I would throw those two songs together in a fucking heartbeat Girl Talk. Get on it. Too, too. We got it. You do a lot of these on the TikToks too. Sorry, I just become angry by bad. Were you about to call Girl Talk like TV Man or something?

I felt like. Something like that. Yeah. I support you. I can hear it, Holden. There you go. What about would you have purchased the 2001 A Space Odyssey? a plastic brick.

Yes, 2001 of Space Odyssey had its own monolith action figure that was sold, and it was just a solid plastic block, just like the monolith in the movie. It won't move, but it might cause strange magnetic fields, action figure evolution, seeing things filled with stars. No, it's just a plastic brick that people paid money for.

I would have probably purchased this, though, because I thought the idea of a monolith was very, very scary and then the Barbie dolls would have to figure out what happens when intelligence comes to the dolls. That would be cool, dude. I think it would be cool as shit. Now this is something that I think that Holden you would have lost your marbles for that Dune, the 1984 Dune movie had its own math problems.

It was a huge marketing push including a color and activity book with 44 pages of wild scenes, 60 pages of puzzles and games, mazes, paper dolls, word puzzles, and most excitingly, Dune Math Problems. I just feel like this cracked article is trying to take the piss out of these math problems when it's clear there's a lot of other things happening in this book, fun book. It seems like you're getting defensive over Dune. They're like, oh, look at the nerds and their math problems. You might be getting defensive over Dune.

I'm not sure. I've kissed over 25 women. Kiss? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I think so. I don't think that's true.

What do you know way, dude? I don't think that's true, Holden. Name them. All right. Don't name them. Don't name them, Holden. No, we're not going down this. Julie, not any of the Jolies you guys know.

Oh, it seems like, whoa, what was it one of the Julie? Was it Ed's wife? It was not Ed's wife? Was it different Julie? Do we need to talk about this right now? And also, I don't read. don't know a lot of their names. They were just, you know. Oh, yeah, just nameless, faceless women in the nights. Wow. I bet. Well, I will say, you know how Holden gets so defensive over Dune.

I do want to let you know, I get very defensive over Akatar as well, and you can check out. LPN deep dive season two, go over, listen to me, talk about my fairy fuckbooks with Natalie Jean. You put a plug in an attack? Yep, I put a plug in an attack. That is how great I am. I've kissed over 25 women listen to that podcast. That's on a podcast. It's on this podcast. Just hold and going, like, check it out. Lexi, other Lexi, not the Julie that you guys know. In fact, she doesn't even live in the United States anymore.

You can't contact her. Oh, right, come on. No, it was so funny. It was, I forgot where I was talking about this, but one of the people, she was a former Miss Teen Arkansas, and everybody just immediately started making fun of me that it was Arkansas, you know, like one of the, like the shitty, I guess. because it's like a shitty state. Stereotypically, like, not the most beautiful state.

Yes. Verson state. And it was blown away. I was like, she won a beauty competition. I'm getting shit on. And I kissed her. I remember when this happened that Star Wars had its own brands of fresh produce. Disney tried to make sure to get your daily dose of nutrition or something with Star Wars themed produce.

apples, carrots, grapes, oranges released in 2015 to market the Force Awakens. I think that's kind of nice of trying to get kids to eat the fruits. Yeah, this is fine. Yeah, this is good. This is good when this happens. Unfortunately, marketing is very powerful, and if kids see a bag of Orange, it is more exciting.

Yeah, dude, this is, I welcome this sort of thing. That, I understand, but then would Gideon need the Star Wars Nissan SUV? Nissan released a special rogue SUV in 2017, the Rogue, Rogue One Star Wars edition. It had Sith black or Storm Trooper

white paint. So you could only be part of the empire? I guess. Yeah, you're only be part of the empire and it's literally a black car and a white car. And a white car. The most basic, normal. They look like nothing about them says Star Wars at all. And those are both the bad

bad ones, right? So what would what would a good one look like? Would it be really? It'd be like ragged, being like ragged robes and it would be like green. Yeah. Oh, that would be cute. Crucially, it like wouldn't be something that you were like selling and making money off of that was also destroying the environment. I feel like that's kind of antithetical to the rebel movement.

Yeah, for sure. Ooh. Bit of an empire move. Someone married a Star Wars nerd. I'm learning. I'm watching Andor and I'm getting radicalized because Andor. Are you, are you a, see, you're watching Andor and then Gideon has to watch Milf Manor.

Yes, I think that makes sense. I said, okay, two nights a week, you have to watch Milf Manor in the perfect match. The other five nights a week we watch Andor. I think that that's fair. But then whenever we finish Andor, I'll probably make him watch the perfect match every night. New perfect match and new Physical 100 today, brother. Oh, thank God. Oh, no, this is the end of Physical 100.

It is the end of Physical 100. I can't. I need more of the show. I know. I love Physical 100. And there's new Love is Blind coming already. Love is really discovered that it's the thing people want. and I feel like she was like a whole year between the first two Love's Blinds,

and now it's like, oh, we just did Love is Blind in the fall, and now it's spring, and we're doing it again. It's hitting 90-day fiancé levels of output, for sure, yeah. But it's great. I'll watch another season of that. I will watch it. I will watch the hell out of it. But do you want to smell like Resident Evil?

Because you could have purchased Resident Evil perfume. Very weird. The Resident Evil branding is crazy, but that's also because it's Konami. Or is it Capcom? No, it is Capcom. But anyways. Capcom does that too. Just a lot of branding over there.

They're really good with branding and bad also because they brand everything like perfume for a game about like an apocalyptic zombie situation. I don't want to smell like them. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what. The smell would be a filthy person. Yeah. Covered in guts and blood from the last like undead that they've killed. Wouldn't that be sexy and slinky?

Probably gunpowder as well. I'm sure doesn't smell anything like that though. It just smells like lavender or whatever the fuland. Lavender haze. Last but not least, apparently, this at least isn't Disney. People are just selling water from Splash Mountain. You can buy water from Splash Mountain on eBay and saying it smells different because of germ-killing chemicals. I mean, there is a very specific smell of water from water rides.

I will give them that. Yes. But I don't know if I would buy said water. I think that I want to get it off of me, but also I live to be clean. And so whenever, that's why I don't like going on water rides because I don't like the feel of the yucky water on my skin. It is yucky water. Maybe that's also because it's no longer going to be Splash Mountain. They're changing it up because the horrific racist history of it all.

I think it's already changed, right? Right. Well, I don't know if they've unveiled the new rides just yet, but they've definitely closed down what was Splash Mountain. If you want to hear more about that, we had Ed Larson on Wizard of the Bruiser. Not a die Podcasts we're sold What? What? What just happened to you?

What just came out of your mouth? M.J. and I just let it happen. We just let it just like Wash over us like a Like a weird evil. What word was it? There is no more hold again. No, that's all be crunky.

No, not through the blind items. I'm trying to get hold it back to it before you. Hold on a second. Hey, do you want to talk to them? No, I don't really want to talk. No, get out here, Holden. Oh, look at my bottle! I think I...

Rocky, you don't get paid for this show. Holden, you do. All right, okay. I think I let it happen because I was worried that people would be mad at me for wokeifying the Star Wars SUV. Wow, wow. I was like, well, people are going to be like... No, you're Star Warsifying it.

I was start, well, I don't know. I guess the Rebel Alliance isn't, I don't really know what their environmental politics are. I think I put that on, informed by my own politics, you know. I don't know whether the Rebel Alliance would like an SUV or not. Maybe they would. They're very safe. The Reraths or whatever they're called,

they came out in unison to lambast my mid-comment about the Super Bowl. I have been broken by them. The naval fleet, I believe, or whatever they're called, the Navy. They have broken me. Yeah. Spirit and, yeah, I was taken to a room Saturday morning. I don't know where I was. I think a GPS said I was somewhere in a,

Somewhere near the Los Angeles airport, I was near Lax, I think in Los Feliz. Is this because you keep letting Gronkey take hold of your brain? Is that what's happening? This is a different lore where the Rihanna fans have taken me captive. Gotcha. Tortured me in a submission. Holden and I upset people in different directions. Holden says things that upset people in one way.

And then I say things that upset people. They're like, oh, come on, I don't think the Rebel Alliance has any feelings about gas. No. You know. Lay off, MJ. You're too negative. You get the Yahoo comments, people. This is what you're saying.

And I get the, yeah, I don't know what. The Reha. I'm just here to smile. I like Twitter. You get Yahoo comments, I get Twitter. I think that's what it is. All right, ladies and gentlemen. I just cry.

Yeah, and you just cry. And everyone's saying, oh, I feel bad for her. But she's really the evil one. Yes. Uh-oh. Is it Jackie's version of Bronkey? It's because I'm. I got the clamp.

Can you hear my clamp? Can you hear my clamp? Can you hear my clamp? Yeah. Yeah, clamp's coming in. Clamp's going to make sure you got nothing else to say, Gronkey. Nothing else to see about what? My bottle!

Here, Gronky! All right. Well, Gronky's gone and I can't see. I think I'm going blind. Item. Oh, we can't see him. All right. It is so interesting to see the complete 180 from this A-list actor who starred on the show about

gossip and his previous open slash swingers slash orgy relationships into this no more sex scenes kind of guy because it is disrespectful. According to an old partner, this is a guy who used to spank women until they would bark for him. Ben Badgley was a spaker. Ben Badgley liked to spank a little doggy till doggy said no. Isn't that interesting? Call it talking about gronky.

The real gronky is Ben Badgley, if you'd have to be in him. He spread his cheeks for a little starfish action, if you know what I mean? Hell, yeah, Lib biscuit, you know what I'm saying? Oh, no, so Penn Badgley getting put in a corner, man. He's getting put into a corner. He's got the weird dumper chair. Let him spank. Let him spank.

Orgy, swinger, open. Ooh, la, la, MJ, does that freak you out, you square? Does it freak you out? You don't have to answer that question, MJ. if you don't want to because I guess, oh, we have rules now. Does it freak me out the bed bedside likes to spake people like dogies? Spank them until they bark. No, I think I like that.

I mean, yeah. As long as it's consensual, who gives a shit? And Jackie, how many spanks would it take for you to bark? Here's the thing. It's like in this barking scenario, and again, both consensually, do I want to bark? Like, is he keeping me from barking, and I have to bark when I've had enough? I think it's like, is that? Yeah, you have to bark when you cannot handle the power of his hand.

Is it his hand? Like, it depends on what he's spanking me with. It depends on, it really depends. I think it's just using his hand, but he. I can take a lot of spanks before I go woof. Okay. I think I can take a good about the spanks. That's a page seven exclusive, guys.

All right. I guess it's another do you believe a little bit, too. Do you guys think this guy is like, like that? And now he's, like, acting all mums. the word. Yeah, I do. Yeah. That's kind of fun. I mean, yeah, I think that I think that he's having a bit of a reaction to something.

An allergic wife reaction. He's got the wife allergy right now. Or maybe he's like, I need to look like a really stand-up guy because I used to speak people like doggies, which again, nothing wrong with that as long as they were into it. But maybe he's trying to be like, no, no, no, my sexual politics have nothing weird and doggy about them at all, you know? No doggies here.

I don't think I've ever barked for a woman. Maybe you could start. Maybe that's what's keeping me from kissing more than 30 women. Yeah. You gotta start part of that. Oh, you just upped the number. I'm saying if I wanted to get to that number. Because I definitely kissed over 25.

It's gonna be harder to get from 25 to 30 now that you have a one. It might be 26, by the way, but it was over 25. But it could be 26. The 27. It could be 28, but it's probably 26. Most likely 26. All right, this A-list actress told her friends Tuesday night that her celebrity boyfriend suggested the actress get a $10 million life insurance policy with him named as the beneficiary.

They are rumored to be in rough shape as a couple. Are we talking about Gigi? We're talking about Leo? No, Leo don't need it. They're not in rough shape. They're rumored to be broken up. Closer. What the fuck you're talking about?

J-Lo and Ben Affleck? No, not Gile. Gile. I did the same thing. Hold on it. I didn't see Gile. You just gave us the answer. No, I didn't give you the answer.

It's neither of them. No, it's a couple that's. that's looking to be in rough shape. We talked about them recently. They're bad. They're evil. Oh, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly. Do you believe?

Yeah, we've, I think we've long suspected that that relationship is not going to end smoothly. But I don't want anyone to be murdered with a life insurance policy. What is this, forensic files? Interesting. Interesting. Double indemnity. I could believe it, though. I could believe it.

I can believe it. Last but not least, I have never really looked at all his tattoos in the past, but apparently all he did for his most recent one was nothing. It was one he did for his ex. Jennifer Garner? Yes. Oh, no. Ben Affleck, Jennifer Gardner, apparently.

He's always had that tattoo. And you know what? It doesn't look like it's a fresh tattoo. Isn't that fucking interesting? A little addendum to an earlier story in the show proper that I was ready to drop on you guys' fucking asses. Wait, so what's the theory there that... And grongy says, do drugs, kids. Lots of drugs.

J-Lo hadn't seen it, and he was like, oh, yeah, I got a new one, too. So that this is the thing, though. That's the reason, right? This presupposes that she would have no previous knowledge, or that she would have been like, you know what, so that we can just move forward here. We're just going to say that tattoos for me now. Yeah. Because it's the same...

I don't know. Right, we had luck on the same day. There's no way she never saw the tattoo. I mean, how fucking crazy is that? There's no way. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't know, I don't think I believe this one because that's insane. I mean, so many things have to be insane for that to be true, like that J-Lo either never saw that tattoo or was like, you know what, we should do, we'll just say that's for me, wipe the slate clean. Like, who does, what X would, or what current girlfriend, fiance, whatever wife would allow that.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, this must be. I don't know. I don't trust Ben Affleck to make, like, wise decisions with regard to his public image, but I do trust J-Lo to. So funny, though. They must have figured this out.

All it says is B and J with a cross of arrows. So, like, it's totally could be for Jennifer Carter. And I will say, doesn't necessarily look fresh to me. I really will say that. It does not necessarily look like she just, like he just got it. No. But there must be a way to die. document this, right? Like, surely we can figure out whether he had this tattoo 10 years ago.

If anyone wants to write in with photo documentation, we'd love to see it. But I will say in support of this, J-Lo, when she showed where she got her tattoo, it is a picture of her holding her shirt up, showing the side. When I said, I don't even know where this tattoo is on his body. It doesn't even really show enough of his body that, like, did he get it? Is it on him? Or is this like all a publicity lie as well? It could just be that because like there's no proof that that's even Ben Affleck's arm, leg? Yes, wow. Yes.

Whoa, conspiracy. Getting deep. A lot of conspiracy kind of type of content coming from me today, guys. Yeah. Crazy. Oh, yeah, that is crazy. All right. I can see you again.

We did it. Yay! Welcome back. Welcome back. I'm back. Gronkey's dead. I killed him. I'm glad.

It's for the best. I didn't kill him. He just got really into eating his own shit. And, you know, if you do that, makes you really sick. Yeah, especially if you keep doing it. Doing it. Yeah, I kept doing it and throwing it up and eating it again. Jesus.

We got to get out of here. Thank you guys. If you made it through Gronky, you can make it through anything. Oh, you passed the Groskey test. This whole thing started because we're trying to say that Jackie and I should be on television. And now Holden's trying to prove we shouldn't even be on a podcast. If you're angry about grokkey, write into page 7 podcast at gmail.com with the subject line, Grongy.

Really? I will send it on over to Holden. Don't worry. No more grokgy. But also, please send in your celebrity conspiracies, your blind items, all that stuff. It really, really helps me do my job, page 7 podcast.git.com, the numeral 7. But I guess now if you do the other thing, someone set it up for us to do the other thing. Yeah.

Yes. And anonymous. So much. Anonymous helper. Thank you so much. Thank you anonymous helper. And thank you guys so much for joining us today for this week's episode of page 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can come hang out with me on Sundays and Tuesdays and Wednesdays over on Twitch.T.TV forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. And please check out big jacky.com. Jeff is working on. I'm not, I won't say what it is, but he's definitely working on another bucket hat design. And I'm going to have to buy that bucket hat too. I also have to buy them. And I'm essentially making these so that I can wear these hats. So join me, won't you? There you go. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. Unbelievable amount of bonus content is the best time.

Add free episodes. You've got the leftovers with me and Jackie. And you've got the chapter from Jackie's Park Club. Ice planet barbarians. All for $5 a month. That is weekly, y'all. It is a crazy good time to get in on the Patreon. Patreon.

Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. And at the $10 layer, you can do our watch along with us. We are now watching Flava of Love, and it is fucking great. God, it's ridiculous. Check that out as well. That's on our Discord at the $10 layer on Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Also, I'm currently streaming every day, but normally I stream Monday through Friday,

but I am on a stream streak. I believe I'm at 22 days. You're killing it, dude. It's crazy, man. Absolutely killing it. So I think I'm going to end that with a big 12-hour marathon stream. So stay tuned for that. But either way, Monday through Friday, Twitch.

Twitch.TV forward slash holdenators ho. It's Focus February, baby. Let's do this shit. MJ, hit us with your best shot. And got a lot of blood clots. You need to see a doctor about the blood clots. My name is MJ. I will be wearing Jackie's fucking hat around my neighborhood

where I exclusively just pick up and drop off children and go to playgrounds, so that'll be fun. And you can follow me on Instagram at MJKL Kat. Hell yeah. And stick around for the shoutouts if you'd like. It's time for the shoutout song. Shout, shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about.

Come on, we're gonna read them to you. Come on. It's shout out time. It's time for shout outs. you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts to page seven podcasts at gmail.com. I love reading your stories. And even if they make me cry like they did last week, I love to just support our community that we have here. And thank you guys for listening. And I really appreciate you just being so committed to giving each other support. And I love you and I appreciate you for it. That's all I

wanted to say. But you can send in your own shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com. And that's seven the number, but also seven the word if you want to. Page 7podcast at gmail.com. First up, I just want to say thank you so much, Matt, for sending this in. Matt was an amazing part of our Strix-sponsored Tinder dating stream. It is a difficult thing to say. Strix-sponsored Tinder dating stream. And here's what Matt has to say.

I've been meaning to write to you all for some time. I want to thank you all in the page 7 community. I was the last profile you guys looked at during your last dating profile stream, and the kind words from you and everyone in the stream really bolstered me and made me feel amazing. I struggle a lot with dating for more reasons than I care to count, but that night you guys made me feel seen and gave me a huge rush of positivity. While the dating scene hasn't gotten easier, I try to keep up the confidence boost I got that night. Page 7 and honestly the entire LPN family have helped me a lot over the years.

I've worked nights for a lot of my career, usually end up working solo shifts, and you guys have played a big part in keeping me sane and helping me feel less alone while I work. I wish I could have come to see you guys in the live show in Brooklyn. Hopefully you'll be back in that area again. I'm sure we will, Matt. I hope you all had fantastic Valentine's Days with your partners. I can't wait for the rest of the Akatar series. I just listened to the first episode during tonight's shift.

Thank you so much, Matt. And thank you to also everybody who put themselves on the line for doing our Strix-sponsored Tinder stream. And we are going to be doing more of them soon here in the future. And I'm excited. And hopefully you guys will be a part of that one too, because it is such a cool way for the community to come together and like, let's get you laid. I love it. Thanks so much, Matt. And I want to send a beautiful shout out to Jen.

Because Jen wrote in a year ago and updated y'all on my boring life of being medicated and therapists. Well, here I am months later to let all of you know it does get better and it does continue getting better. And things can stay good. I cut out toxic people in my life because they hurt me. Well, it turns out that I also hurt them too. And we got to hash things out.

civically and have adult conversations and move forward with our relationships. Now that I know how to set healthy boundaries, my relationship with other humans is forever changed. A few years ago, my brother ended up cheating on his wife, who is now my best friend. The divorce was messy and he moved a girl in 15 years younger than him. I hated him and I hated her for what they did to his ex-wife and their children. Now we're back in 2023. I decided at the beginning of the year that I wasn't drinking the Haterade anymore. I started by just saying hi to the girlfriend. But this week, we completely bonded over Akatar.

I gave her the first book after I finished it in only a day and told her all about it and she was so invested. It's actually a family affair now. My mom is reading the series too. I'm not saying me and old chicky are going to be besties, but the weight off my shoulders from not carrying around heavy emotions towards other people is just, oh, chef's kiss. Thanks for all the things,

and you make my brain sparkle too, Jen. Thank you so much because I think it's such a great reminder that we can choose to act civilly. I said civically before, but to act civilly to each other, and it's hard to get over the hate sometimes. And I'm so fucking proud of you, Jen. Thank you so much for sharing that with us.

And we've got another self-shouted, and this always brings, a smile to my face. This one goes out to read. Oh my God, I started 2022 off with cancer, and I'm starting 2023 off with top surgery. Hale fucking luya! I just had to start there because this is one hell of a self-shout. I'm so excited. Last year was a bunch of bullshit, and that Alanis Morissette type of irony. I got my cancerous thyroid removed on March 8th and almost exactly a year later on February 27th, I get to have my tits scooped away from my body and will be one step closer to being the person I know I am, but haven't been able to see in the mirror.

I haven't always taken care of myself. I have a tendency to put the people around me miles ahead of myself, and I know that my friends who listen to this podcast are going to be upset that I didn't reach out, but a little lot of things get away from me and ended up in a situation that took a big piece of me. I suffer from depression and anxiety anyway, but while living in a roach and maggot-infested apartment in Los Angeles and working in the fashion industry, barely scraping by my mental health hit rock bottom. The last straw happened when I was walking home from work. A woman experiencing homelessness walked up to me and spit in my face. The smell alone made me lose my mind.

Trigger warning, when I got home, I got ready to unalive myself. Here's where the irony of last year comes. in. I used to sit awake at night and wish I could get cancer just so I would have a reason to fight for tomorrow. I had been on the edge for a while and had just been violently pushed over. I had everything ready so there would be minimal cleanup when my mom called. The universe sent my mom to save me. I answered the phone crying and told her I wanted to move home. She said, of course, and that was that. Once I knew I could get out of there, I was able to gather enough spoons to get my ass my parents' house. I'm so lucky to be living in Colorado with my parents. I'm lucky that was an option.

I'm lucky they accept me for who I am and feel safe here. I have an absolutely fantastic therapist, doctor, and pharmacist. A great team making sure I can handle whatever my depression and anxiety throw at me. And I have you three to listen to during the tough times. I used to wish I had cancer. I got it and was lucky enough to have caught it early. And now I'm lucky enough to have made it to this day. I get to have a surgery I've waited my whole life for. Again, with the luck. I'm a lucky fucker. Thank you all for being exactly who you are.

It's beautiful and wonderful and hilarious to hear and see y'all be you. Thank you for sharing yourselves and your senses of humor with all of us. And that goes for the whole LPN family. Y'all make a big difference in so many people's lives. Thank you. And thank you, Reed. Thank you so much. And I am going to keep you in my thoughts on February 27th.

And if y'all out there have a little bit of extra positive love to send their way, please do. Congratulations. I'm so proud of you. And it's really fucking hard. And you are doing it. I love you guys so much. Thank you so much again for your shoutouts. And thank you for making this such a beautiful, safe, amazing community.

I love you guys. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by social. supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.