Page 7 - Ep. 483: Death By A Thousand MILFs

Episode Date: March 3, 2023

This week we're gossin' 'bout how filled with hate Jackie is, MJ learning how to get along with the "cool parents", the return of RIVERDALE, Holden definitely not projecting his feelings about the MILF Manor massage mess, Cocaine Bear, a disheartening Gronkie update, Lewis Capaldi's dealing with tics from Tourettes during a live performance, a Liam Peeson update, a breakdown of Perfect Match crushes, a Lady Gaga dognapper asking where her money is, the dangers of pogoin', and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Did Rihanna pledge her baby to the Illuminati!?, a list Holden finds personally offensive, da blinds, and SHOUTZ Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

All right, I'm going to be real here. I've had the song Under the Sea stuck in my head, and it is specifically the part where it says, down here, all the fish is happy, as off through the waves they roll, the fish on the land they're happy. They said because they ain't a bowl. But fish in the bowl is lucky. They ain't for a worse of it. One day when the boss gets hungry, this is who gone beyond a plate?

But here's the thing. I know that I know who shouldn't necessarily sing the song with the accent. So then I was in my car going under the sea, under the sea, darling it's better, down where it's wetter. Take it from me. I feel like you're about to commit a sex crime on it. I was going to say a murder. Like on your way to commit a murder, you're just practicing your car.

Under the sea. Under the sea. Where it's wetter. It was the wetter part. Take it from me. Oh, is it better? I don't want to take anything from you, all right? Let's show me.

Take it for me. I'd like it to be doing it. I don't want to take anything from the plaintiff. Take it from me. So I've been, I just had, this is the thing. Sometimes I worry that people are going to look at me while I'm sitting my car. At least we're in Los Angeles where people are like, oh, she's probably going over lines. She's probably got lines that she's got to go over.

Because I feel like I see people all over the place here mumbling to themselves. I'm like, oh, they got lines. That's just trying them trying to get their face. to work after they got Botox. Oh, yes. Well, you got to do the jungle gym afterwards. Hello, what's the jungle gym? The jungle gym of your face.

And you go, yo. Yo! Yo! Like, you face yoga. Cool. Yeah, that universal thing we all know about getting Botox, that thing you have to do, that weird, fucking crazy thing you have to do.

I've never heard of my life. As the only person here who has gotten Botox, I will say I did not follow any of the directions afterwards that they told me that I'm supposed to, to follow. And I do think after, this is my research, that you are supposed to follow the rules that they tell you like, don't sleep on your face,

don't drink too much, be really good to yourself. But the day I got Botox was the day we had a karaoke night out. Oh my God. And so I did the opposite of go and sit and silence and take care of myself. I got ragingly drunk and I

sang my ass off. And I also slept drunkenly on my face that night. And I woke up in the morning on my face and I was like, no. And then I just kept waking up on my face. They tell you, you're not supposed to sleep on your face, but I'm a belly sleeper. Whatever. How are you?

I'm a belly sleeper. I just watched an Instagram video. This is, I heard this somewhere about the thing about the body positive. Maybe I heard this from Glennon Doyle on a parenting podcast. I don't know. I think that somebody was saying that the body like, sometimes body positivity ends up introducing things that you didn't even know you were supposed to be worried about, you know? And it's like, oh, it's okay.

We love your body even if you have cellulite. And this parent was like, my kid didn't even know they were supposed to be ashamed of their cellulite until they saw this like, right. Even if you have cellulite, it's okay thing. And I just saw an Instagram video about frownies, which Jackie and I were going to try together on tour, but I think we forgot or got too drunk. But it was like, oh, you roll over onto your stock. when you sleep and you get a little crease by your eye because you're sleeping on your side and the skin gets it's like you put the duct tape on so you gotta put the frownies on and I'm just like man do I really need to now think like every time I try to get

comfortable in my bed like you're ruining your face you know I don't even night I think about it every single night and also my problem is I fell down this fucking well on tic-tok about how you're supposed to sleep and also you're not supposed to sleep on your belly and you're not supposed to have your leg up onto the side, which sometimes I do. Leg up onto the side. I put my leg up, like, in an L formation off to the side.

Maybe how I'm feeling. I'm feeling bad as hell because I'm sleeping improperly. Oh, Jackie, stop sleeping incorrectly. That's why you've gotten so much uglier since I've seen. Don't do this to me. I've had a bad week. I was supposed to go on a vacation.

And all I got was nothing but trouble. Oh, you got was nothing but trouble. Oh, you got it was nothing of trouble. I go on vacation this weekend And my whole vacation got canceled It got fucking canceled. Because of the rain. Because of the rain.

Yes. And because up in the mountains it turned into snow And because they haven't had like a blizzard up there Since 1989. Right, right, right. And they say that the global warming bullshit isn't happening. Taylor Swift was born that year. So that's pretty cool.

Did that make you feel better? Yeah. I'm filled with hate. And I didn't get all of the hands. F-ed out of me like I thought I was going to get this weekend. You had a busy weekend plan of seeing Penn and Teller and having a lot of sex. Yes. Doesn't that sound perfect?

It sounds perfect. It does sound perfect. I was rooting for you. I was like, this is going to be great for her. You know, I'm so happy for you. And then I'm so sorry, it got canceled. It got canceled. But hey, no, I'm just like, I feel like I'm sitting in my own mate.

You're not cleansed of it. No, I got my diaper on. Right, right. You got your diaper on. You haven't gotten uglier since I've been in L.A. You've gotten more and more beautiful with each passing day. Is that true? Is it because of the Botox?

I think I need to start doing the frownies. Well, if you don't do the, yeah, if you don't start doing those eye stickers that really make the sleep process difficult. You know what's the best for sleep? Getting it, getting it for long periods of time. I feel like doing a bunch of things that make you not get good sleep is probably way worse for you physically than like in your face and everything than sleeping on your head. That's how I can barely make it through one episode of Milf Manor at the end of the night after getting these kids to bed.

And now I'm supposed to get up after watching Milf Manor until 9.45 p.m. And I'm supposed to walk to the bathroom. I'm supposed to spend 30 minutes putting a bunch of duct tape on my face. So that I look less wrinkled. You put the rose water on. You got to put Rosewater. Well, and then I got a boat to pick with MJ too. You're trying to talk to the other playground mom so you can't bring up Milf Man.

I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. At the playground. I did.

What can you please, does it? What are the looks of aghastment on their faces? Okay. Did any of them watch Milf Manor? No, none of them had heard of it. I thought that maybe some people would be like, yeah, I've heard of that, no.

I did, okay, to credit my, so I made a TikTok about bringing up Milf Manor at the playground and it was to the audio of the horrified looks from everyone in the room. You're welcome, holding. And so I did get horrified looks from everyone in the room. But to my credit, I knew I was talking to cool parents. I wouldn't bring this up at church. They're not normal moms.

They're cool moms. They're the cool moms and dads. And I wouldn't bring it up. Wait a second. Are you in the cool parent group? Yeah. Well, I don't know. Okay, big little lies gave me, big little lies gave me a very disproportionate expectation for how much I would dislike other parents.

You know, like big little lies to suggest that, like, big little lies to suggest that, like, Like all the parents are like these like awful helicopter bombs who like only like there's a there's a real like kind of all other parents suck kind of mindset in like it's you against them. Yeah, exactly. And you're going to fuck all of their husbands. And I mean, it makes me want to rewatch big little lies though. What a good show. God, I would rewatch it in a heart. Such a good show.

But like and also, you know, there's a weird thing when you have kids where you're like, I already have friends. Now I have to make friends with like my kids. friends, parents. However, I will say that I have actually found making parent friends to be very fun. And of course, you want to make friends at the playground because, like, your friends aren't there, you know? So, like, you want to talk to, like, the parents of other kids because you're like, yeah, it's nice to talk to people. And also, you know, most people are cool and fun. And so I actually do really have a lot of fun meeting and talking with other parents at the playground. So I don't think I am a cool parent or amongst the cool, I don't think, I don't know

if there's parent click dynamics in my neighborhood? Maybe there are and I don't know about them. Maybe it's because you're in the cool group and so you're not even aware of the clicks. Isn't that so amazing? MJ, what if you finally came to fruition? You've come full circle. I don't think so. I think I'm actually, I think I might be a bit of a loner because since my two kids are so

close together, I don't really schedule a lot of playdates because they're a self-contained unit. Right. And I think a lot of other parents with very small kids who might not have their second kid yet or whose second kid is like a little baby, like, are really good about scheduling play dates and, like, being intentional about that. And I'm just like, eh, these two kids can play with each other.

What do I care? And so I'm a bit of, I think I might be like a wall flat. I think I might be the kid, just like I was in real school, kind of lurking in the back. What are the perks of being one in today? Oh, my God, you're a jughead. I think I am a jughead. Well, I've got the hat.

I've got the jughead. You're a weirdo. You're such a weirdo. You're a loner, dotty. Yeah. Jughead then and Jughead now. All the way down to the, like, hyper-literary persona that Jughead has.

Oh my God, Riverdale's coming back. It's coming back. Are you prepared? I thought I was done. One more season. There's one more season and it's going to be like 28 episodes and it's going to be. Why? It's going to be interesting.

Why don't they make less better ones? Because they've got stories to weeks. Because it's a network show and we forget before streaming discovered that no show needs more than 10 episodes a season. Now if there's more than eight, I'm like personally insulted. Yes. I'm like, this is an infraction on my core. It is so jarring to go back to watching a network show because we're just like, there are 28 episodes.

When will it end? We yell, when will it end? And we never know because there's like no press about Riverdale, so we never know whether it's it. Yeah, we have no idea how many episodes there are. But, MJ, are you going to bring up at the playground the fact that in Milf Manor this episode, the boys were blindfolded and then had to give their mother's massages, not knowing if it was their mother or not. And one of them did get their mother, and she just kept going,

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Now, how much did that turn you on, MJ? Me? Why is that question directed towards me? Zero percent. Holden, how about you? Yeah.

Were you horned up during this? No, I, by the way, man, talking about a show, I have to drink through. I have to white knuckle a whiskey, a bourbon cocktail. I was sober as a cat. It drives me to drink. I was sitting there watching it. They were about to do the massage thing. I was like, I'm making an old fashion.

I can't do this. I have to have, like, hard bourbon. Like, I switch. It used to me. I was like, oh, this is a red wine show. And I have to drink, but I would just like slug the red while I was like, no, no, no. This is a cocktail. This is a bourbon-based cocktail show.

I like that. I want to start having old fashions when I watch Milf Manor because it's such a beautiful, intentional drink. It's a daddy drink. Yeah, it's a daddy drink for the mommy show. It's a daddy drink for the mommy show. Man, did I need it for that? I mean, I was numbing up hard for that.

I still think that last week where the guy was eating out the orange in front of his mom was worse. But it was, this was rough. I really wish that they would stop encouraging so much ambiguous physical sexual contact between the mothers and the sons. I know that's basically the premise of the show. If they shied away from it though, I'd be like, this is fucking bullshit, man. Give me the goods. Well, there's not that much happening in it.

And you become very aware of what a bad reality show it is. Okay, one, Gideon and I almost got to a fight last night because what about milk married? Not really. But we had a disagreement, a heated disagreement, because during the one of the, one of the dates. I don't even remember fucking who, but two of these, oh, was it poor Charlene? I feel like that was a pity. Yeah. Poor Charlene. Jimmy asked Charlene out and then is immediately horrified by her forwardness. And they were on a date and then some random people walked by in the background. And I was like, look, there were some random people in the background. And

Gini was like, yeah, of course they're at a resort. And I was like, but there's never random people at a real. And too hot to handle. There's not like other people there. The whole premise is that they're just there and you only see them. And then through. throughout the whole episode, we kept seeing all these random other people in the background, because it's such a budget-ass show that they are just like, yeah, whatever, I don't know, go to a public dock. They can't rent out the entire restaurant. They can only get, like, a part of the pier.

A part of the outside. And so, yeah, I noticed that, too, there were masked people getting seated. And I was like, this is a side of how janky it is. And Gideon just didn't seem to understand how hilarious it was to me that, like, how jarring. If you're watching a real reality show, there's actual interpret. DRAMA, right? Like, take perfect match. Fantastic interpersonal drama happening in perfect match.

Francesca, the natural bitch of the world. Man, if you have... Unbelievable. Francesco makes my blood run cold. Francesca... But she's so jaw-droppingly hot. I don't care.

I would take any... But that was the thing it was like... But then you have Georgia there, and she's so fucking also jaw-droppingly hot. also not an asshole. Yes. And you very quickly are like, God, I'm way more into Georgia than Francesca.

Ugh. Because you know Francesca can't fuck, bro. She talks a big game. I can tell. Yeah, I agree. She just lays there. She's all talk. I totally agree.

She's all talk. I just feel like if you have any history of like trying to navigate complicated friend dynamics in like a high status female social group, Francesca will bring some stuff up for you. I feel like just be. Francesca, she like sees when she sees Savannah and she's like, I will destroy her.

It's like all these memories come up of like, ah, this is scary. Oh, so we're talking about perfect match on Netflix. We did a little bit of a lateral move there, but they're both fire, by the way. Milf Manor perfect match. If you're not watching them, you might as well go to the Who Gives a Shit Dance and do the turkey. But my point is that Milf Manor is a terribly produced show with a horrific premise. that is also being executed poorly. Like, it's just...

Everything about it's bad. Everything about it's bad. And I watch it every week. And I watch it every week. We cannot wait to watch it. We make plans around watching it. Whereas, like, Netflix, with its reality, has really discovered the perfect formula.

They know how to make a very, very, very good reality show. And that the interpersonal tension with perfect match is very high. The only tension Milf Manor has to rely on is the insect. tension. There's no other, like, all the moms, I mean, some of the moms don't like each other. All the sons are very nice to each other. I love it. They're all like, yeah, well, whatever, have fun with my mom. It's like, there's actually not that much interpersonal drama. The show is just like, what if we make you want to, you know, die on the inside from making a son massage his mother? Yeah. Crawl up inside yourself and pass away peacefully in the night. Yeah, it's a slow,

it's the little death. Death of a thousand cuts. You know, I see. said that a lot about planning a wedding that I felt like planning a wedding was death by a thousand cuts. Death by a thousand milfs, man. Yeah, man. I can feel it. I could just feel the little slices in my soul every single week as I watch it. And I just keep just asking myself, how many episodes are there going to be? But again, we have no idea. We don't know. It's just going to stop one day. We're going to be like, and then I'll try to take some inventory, see if I learned anything from the hours. There'll be a milf shaped hole in your Yeah, you're weak. And it's going to be curvacious.

Almost as curvacious as the cocaine bear. Oh, my goodness. You know what? I didn't get a vacation and I got nothing but trouble. But I also got nothing but cocaine bear over the weekend because I did go see cocaine. Oh, you did? You saw it? Oh, I saw cocaine bear.

And it is just as much fun as I hoped it was going to be. Now, I didn't quite realize that cocaine. bear is based off of a real bear. Yes, it was a real story. That the cocaine got thrown out of a plane but the whole part about it like surviving after eating all the cocaine is false. Everything about the movie is false

because the bear apparently apparently Don't you dare bring Grunky back the people have spoken and Grongy has been put back into the sewer. Whatever you want to call it. Gronky Fever Grunky Mania. What everyone would have called it is hit the world. I'm getting so much feedback.

Gronky sepsis, I think we could call it. I'm getting a ton of feedback. Some of it is positive. And I will have to say, unfortunately, Gronky was detained trying to cross the border. He had several warrants in several states. So he cannot come today where I don't know what his legal situation is. Oh, no.

What are we going to do? He has been detained. And I'm awaiting further information and instructions to see if we can get cronky out of. I say we leave him wherever he is. I think we might be able to get him out in a few weeks maybe or something like that. We'll see what happens as the show continues to go on. Well, I'm excited for you guys to both go see Cocaine Bear because it is a lot of fun, gory, dumb bullshit. And also, as Ray Leodda's final movie, I say haze to it. Because what a final movie to have. And I can't, I can't imagine having such a prolific career.

and what a fun movie to go out on. And that is Cocaine Bear, which directed by Elizabeth Banks, which I didn't realize. Oh, that's fun. And it's just got such a fun energy. And you know what the best part? Hour and 29 minutes. In and out. And I like to hear it because honestly, and this happened with that spooky Winnie the Pooh movie.

Like a lot of stuff plays really well as a like trailer on social media. And most often if it's a hit like that. it sucks in the actual like watching the movie part you know what I mean so it's cold in here that this is actually fun and a good thing to go see as opposed to usually like it's that you know and yeah apparently the scary Winnie the Pooh movie sucks ice oh I want to go see it so badly apparently it's like one of those it's like not even fun bad it's just fucking boring oh too bad I wanted to see it so badly yeah so maybe save your money on that way for it to to hit your TV screen.

Fairly soon. I'm sure. I will watch it there. Absolutely. But don't start crying, Holden. Then the days bleed in the night comes. Was you not here? You gave me to do it off.

Did you watch the video, MJ, of Lewis Capaldi? This video, oh my God. Louis Capaldi experiences Tourette syndrome ticks during his live show while he's singing that someone you loved song. And Holden. never heard it. I'd never heard this song before. This song is everywhere. Maybe I heard it like I didn't really. I'm sure I heard it and I'm sure that was me too. Yeah. Coffee shop. You know what I mean? But, you know, grocery store. The type of music that you can't miss.

I know, not in the bad way. Like a sex dungeon or whatever. Like some sex dungeon. You're so busy fucking on someone and you don't actually, you know, you don't hear the lyrics. You know what I mean? Like I feel like for a long time, you know, people in my life would be like, I don't, you know, see people that, I don't know who Bruno Mars is. be like you've heard Bruno Mars. You can't be in public spaces without. Oh, I know this one. Yes, exactly. That's the Maroon 5 Super Bowl phenomenon, which I keep bringing up.

Except this is an actual good song. It's a great song. Yes. No, this video is beautiful. And so he's struggling to get through the song and he steps away from the microphone. And then the audience just sings a lot. Sings it for him. Singes it for him.

And it's such a beautiful moment that was captured. And apparently this has not been the first time that obviously. Louis Capaldi has dealt with Ticks during a concert, but this specific time, like, it didn't, like, the audience kept it going, and it was such a beautiful moment of community coming together. And I'm, at the same time, you know, we're all singing along with the song. So, but it is such a great that, like, they could see him struggling and they just, like, sang it even harder for him. And it sounded like a trained choir. It did. It sounds beautiful. That's the difference. Because, like, I don't know. if you saw, man, there's like a fan video of when Taylor Swift did anti-hero at a 1975 show recently, and she came out, and there is a woman in the, a girl in the audience, I'm going to go and say, she seems quite, sounds young, screeching the lyrics over her, going,

Adam Ash me, I'm the proud of Ash me! And you're just like, you're ruining it. You don't want to, you don't understand that you're ruining this? Like, how do you not... No, no, no. This was like, it's literally sounded like everyone was on key. It was beautiful.

Everyone was, like, restrained. I had to look it up, but it was Germany. It was in Germany. In Frankfurt. Yeah. Because it was like, usually, you know, if that cut out, you just hear about you people, like,

Saha! From the fire starter, wicked fire starter. Everyone becomes a fire starter. Oh, yeah, it's very scary. This is someone you love. What's the... What's the protocol? You're saying that if I'm at a Taylor Swift show,

I shouldn't sing loudly or I should just... Just try to understand that maybe, like, I don't know, it's that carry... Now I'm, like, karaoke trained. If you push really hard and are like, as long as you can get so excited and start... I mean, sing however you want. It's a fucking concert.

You pay the money, whatever, especially a pop concert. But, you know, there's a difference between, like, singing along and, like, yelling at along. Yeah. I will say Henry and I are guilty of this. We have good voices. We went to the Billy Joel concert. And Henry got me tickets to the Billy Joel concert.

So the two of us went, brother's sister, both. We grew up with Billy Joel. So it's not like, is it like I'm currently always listening to Billy Joel? But it's just something from our childhood. And we both know every word, every Billy Joel song. So we went. And as we got progressively hammered at the Billy Joel song, And we're just the only one standing around a bunch of old people.

And we're just like, and then he said Queens or like he said Jamaica, Queens, singing New York State of Biden. We're just like, that's us. Right. That's us. Right. Just losing.

I, we broke the protocol. Right. But, I mean, that's hard to avoid it, Billy Joel. We were so excited. That's, like, really tough to do avoid it, Billy Joel. That's, you know. I mean, his whole point is like, you drink too much and you make mistakes. Like, that's every song you sings.

Yeah, and that's, I mean, every part of his life for a long time as well. So it's like, how do you not drink too much and make mistakes at a Billy Joel concert? Gotta get hammered. Yeah. Well, you got to get double fist of the beers. Gotta get hammered. I love that. Gotta get hammered in Cincinnati.

But stay away from your wife. Stay away from your wife. Oops did I piss on your living room for? No, no, he's not a Liam Pison Holden. Oh, my God. No, but Liam Pison is uncomfortable. Liam Pison is uncomfortable, and we refer to him as Liam Pison and he's uncomfortable. That didn't make any sense.

What I just said didn't make him. He would be uncomfortable. He would be uncomfortable if he heard us call him Liam Pison probably. Yes, that's what I meant. You were suggesting that Joy Behar makes him more uncomfortable than we do. We would. If he was in the same. room and we were like, Liam Piason, him are right?

He's just like, you piss your pants. All I want to be taken seriously. I would have a hot take here that would he, so Liam Neeson went on the view, and they just kept talking about how Joy Behar has a crush on him. And I want to say. He just kept trying to bring it back to his acting career, and they just kept trying to talk him out. But Liam Neeson, I'm sorry, it's the view, okay?

It's not the actors inside the actors studio. I was about to say exactly that, MJ, that he, I think he's really bad at that kind of show. I think he's only suitable on like an NPR interview. Yeah. That's the only time you'd be like, wow, what an interesting, thoughtful interview with Liam Neeson. Late night, late night TV, no.

Daytime talk. No, no, no, no. Yeah, this is like a group of ladies who want to screech at you about how you're a haughty. And you are like an old sad man who's just been, seem to be very sad for about a decade and a half. Which understandably. Totally understandably. We get it?

Very, very understandably. But he's just so serious. And they're just like, Joy Behar has a crush on you. And he's just like not smiling, not remotely yes, ending them at all. And she, you know, I don't know, I like Joy Behar.

I've always had kind of a soft spot for her. And she's not even bringing it up. They make like a montage. All the other hosts are bringing it up. And she's like kind of, you know, trying to be like bashful, embarrassed about it. And he is just like a rock. He's like, I am not going to give you an inch on this.

I don't enjoy it. And I'm not going to smile. And I'm just going to keep bringing it back to my early acting career in Northern Ireland. It is rough. It's an interesting time for talk shows, though, because a lot of talk shows, if you think about it, I'm thinking a lot of Conan interviews, the view. It's very flirty. And that's kind of a fundamental for a lot of different interviews from back in the day.

There's this flirty, fun kind of vibe that that's sort of, and it's such a weird space to do that in nowadays, especially. You know, you have that montage of Henry Cavill interviews where he's being like objectified pretty hard and he's not really game and it felt the same way as Liam Neesah one. And it's kind of, it's just, I'm not saying like it's got to go because like sometimes a fun, flirty interview can be fun. But when, but it's a different landscape now. The conversation around that sort of thing can be different. And I feel like at the end of the day, that's a due diligence, probably. show thing where they, because they could have done a good job of like not bringing it up and having joy just subtly be crushing hard on Liam through the whole interview.

And then like the next episode or like after he left or whatever, they bring it up. Totally. Yes. You know what I mean? I was thinking this same exact thing. Holden, I was like, on the one hand, of course, if Liam Neeson is actually uncomfortable by this, then of course, like, that is important and that matters? And of course, it's not, it's not, I couldn't, and I couldn't tell if like, is he just

being like really not understanding kind of what the view is. Like, if he really is like actually uncomfortable by Joy Behar having a crush on him, you know, then right, that should, then the producers should check in like, okay, so before this segment, we're going to like play around a little bit with like Joy Behar having this long time crush on you. Like, and if he really doesn't want to do that, then of course that's his right. And I was thinking that I was like, I watched that. And I was like, I feel like Liam Neeson is just being like no fun and needs to lighten up.

But of course, that's kind of a messed up thing to say if you're feeling like, I don't want to be objectified by all this group of women yelling at me. Right. You know, so it's, so I think you're right. It is, you have to be able to, like, flirt because that's kind of the whole premise of how these interviews are supposed to go. And if a person really doesn't want that, then you got to know that and you got to know that that's not what's going to happen in this segment. So that it's not like four people trying to be kind of fun about a crush and then one person being like, absolutely the fuck not, you know. Yeah, exactly.

Like in the pre-interview, like before you go on, like Liam, um, joy has like a crushing you. It's kind of like a joke on the show. Does that make your cock hard or does that make you uncomfortable? I just love to because right before he goes out there, he had said like he was excited because they were discussing gun violence in America. I was about it to read that quote. And he's like, and I agree that it's an American problem.

I go on stage and join the ladies during the break. I was like, where is the American? I'm sorry, I'm not doing my perfect spot on impression. He didn't just show up, that was me. I go on stage and join the day and is. It's like Nadia from what we do in the show. It's so exhausting how long it takes him to talk.

I was congratulating them on this discussion. God, and I go, you gotta get out. Like, I got lunch plans. I don't like you love, joy. I know you becoming a little gronky a little bit. Don't you bring him back? up, he's back in the sewer where he belongs. I heard him he say his name 17 times that he becomes invoked.

You better not invoke him on this episode. I will say, I've never thirsted for Liam Neeson. And in this interview, I was like, damn, what a fox. I really did, I joined Team Behar in terms of having a crush on Liam Neeson. In this, it seems so broken to me in that interview. I know, I love a broken man. You can fix him, MJ. Right.

I know. Broken man. Fix him, MJ. It's interesting. I have like a very not broken partner, but all the like famous men that I love, I'm just like, oh,

so broken and so sad. Come to me. I mean, don't get me started. I was the one talking about I'd give Shane from perfect match a try. No. And I got ripped apart.

Shane? And I was like, that's a thing. You're crazy, but you're crazy, dude. Talk about a cocaine bear, man.

That man is a cocaine bear. Yeah, always seems like he's had cocaine. He's got crazy eyes. His eyes are always. why he's always like fidgeting and like. But here's the thing. I had horrible taste in men before Jeff.

Right. Like specifically my taste in men has always been very bad. This is true. Like Jeff had to like encourage me to date him because I was like, you're too nice. You're too good. Get away from me. Yeah. I'm a piece of garbage.

Yeah. So Liam Nese, I think, has almost been too much of a like put together chap, may I say. Right. And I think that that's what. why it hasn't done it for me, but unfortunately, Shane kind of does it for me. I, that is not the, I see, my bad person crush on perfect match is, um, fucking, what's his name? Chase.

Yeah, Chase. Fucking like, the worst parts of me are like, yeah, I, I'd try to make it happen with Chase. I would know I was getting played. These are your confessions. He is, I love these people who are like, I think he might like me. Dude, if you look a player in the dictionary. Yeah.

It is Chase. He will never, you will never change him. He will never like you. He will never stay with you. Nope. But you could sign on for some fun knowing all of that. But he is the worst man. Like you could just, if you made up, in a laboratory, make the worst man you can think of.

It is Chase. It's Chase. Man, that shows so. Let's go watch the perfect match. It's so good. It's so good. If you're not familiar, they bring on different, like, stars from different Netflix reality. For us, people who have been watching, like,

all these different shows, Suante Handel, the circle, the mole even. Oh my God. To get this, it's like they all brought all of these major players

from all of those shows and put them in a house to try to fuck each other. Come on, bro. And even MJ hasn't gotten to this episode yet, but I was like, MJ, you're totally,

I was like, I'm not really attracted to any, I'm not really attracted any of the men on perfect match. But I did say to MJ, it was like, you're going to get to an episode where you're going to meet

someone that comes in and you're like, that's the one, Jackie has an attraction to, and you will be correct. Yes. I can't wait. I'm going to know. I think I know.

Oh, you're going to know. I think I know. Oh, you're going to know. And I'm so excited that you're both watching perfect match. Of course. It's just, it is, it's the Super Bowl of reality television for everyone, for every one of us that likes and obsesses over this damn reality television. So you, all you support people, you get your special fucking day.

and now it's our time down here, not their time up there, and I'm taking this nickel back. Taking this nickel back. Yes. Speaking of nickel back, that's a, you know, there you go. Oh, is that a band of some sort?

I've heard of everything. Wow. Gricky, grunky, grunky, grunky, grunky, grunky, grunkey. It's where I took it. But what about the fact that Lady Gaga's, oh my God, this story, So remember when Lady Gaga's dogs got stolen. Oh, yeah.

And then she said that she offered a $500,000 reward for anyone. No questions asked if she got the dogs back alive. And the person that responded was someone that was involved with the stealing of the dogs. Now this person is suing Lady Gaga because they didn't get the $500,000 reward because it's. said no questions asked and they didn't like Lady Gaga asked some questions oh what are you apart

of the selling up my dogs and the answer was yes and now this bitch is mad because she didn't get the $500,000. Can you imagine the balls? Crazyness. To sue Lady Gaga because you didn't get the reward after you kidnapped her

dogs. You got to try at that point you're like all right listen I tried kidnapping the dogs. Wow! MJ. I'm saying you've got to try to extort Lady Gaga. It's obviously all this person wanted to do, allegedly. What about the fact that this woman is not only suing for $500,000? She's actually seeking damages of $1.5 million from Gaga. That's the insane part.

What kind of lawyer would proceed with this? Yeah, what damages? I guess emotional. I guess like the fact that like her name is in the papers, which because you were a part of the dog napping? Yeah. Yeah, you're going to get some emotional damages from that because you're an evil human being. I want to

see this movie actually. Like the movie about the people who decide to dognapp Lady Gaga's two little dogs. Oh my God, can Lady Gaga also play her part in and the shit to like me she's all about. But Lady Gaga, you're

not in house of Gucci anymore. You can't talk like this anymore. You're in the Joker sequel now. It's a totally different Oh my God, I wish you would bring that Halseguchi vibe to the job. I'm very excited by the way. That first image from the Joker of Lady Gaga The musical Joker? Yes. Bring it, give it. I know they're not going to

make it as cool as I... They're going to do Dance with the Dark with Joker and it's going to be whatever but I want to do... I want it to be so, so cool. So I wanted to be so crazy, but we'll see. This is idiotic. This person needs to be in prison. Yes. MJ.

I was got... Don't bring me... Don't make me bring up my prison abolitionist stance on the show. I don't think that she should have taken the dogs and I don't actually think that she should extort Lady Gaga. Right. Or she should have to spend like one night with Gronky. Yeah, that's right. See, this is the thing. We can imagine other ways to hold people accountable aside from prison.

Why can't we have game show, reality show, punishments for prisoners instead of just putting them in a cell for the rest of their lives? Like, exactly. Like, you've got to fill a kiddie pool full of shit on a TV show. Yeah, why aren't there more kitty pools full of shame? You should be meeting with some of the, like, some of the really leading prison abolitionists. You could be like, I've got great ideas, okay.

If Gideon can set me up and I also might need him to be my lawyer. Also, I also kidnapped a celebrity's dog that I need him to try to get me millions of dollars for somehow. Yeah, like exactly, like Earl, you know, set a house on fire or whatever. No one died, but he's set a house on fire. He's an arsonist. He's got to fill this kitty pool of all his shit before he can leave the room. But where does he get the shit from and is it his own shit? Yeah, it's his ass to be his own shit.

So he's like eating like crazy foods. Like there's a table covered in food. He's going to Chipotle all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like eating crazy Chipotle and five guys. He's on the hold of diet. And he's just eating that food at like one table. Then he walks over.

Yeah, that's just, that's for all arsonists. We've got that one down. Now we just got to go through all the other crimes and figure out the punishment for all the other crimes. Yeah. Yeah. No, we're making progress here. It's easy.

We got to expand our imagination the way we think about the world. You know, that's what abolition is and it's all about. Thank you for being a part of the good fight, Gordon. Just filling up. I just keep thinking of all this. What you're just, you're in sense over the, the kitty pool full of shit. You love it so much. He's just thinking of the sky.

I think that we can do better. I'm excited for you. I think this is just the beginning. I think this is just the beginning. Yeah, this is the beginning. Yeah. Yeah, sending in your ideas for how people should be punished on reality shows. Oh, okay. What else do we got, Jay?

I really just, I'm obsessed with the phrase funnishments, though. I think there should be more punishments on these reality shows. Yeah. Because I feel like I give myself punishments sometimes, and I think that it's good for my, my character. I think I just been constantly building character. What are your funnishments? Well it depends on what the crime is. Arson. Yeah, recent punishment

was see how long I could jump for. That was a punishment I gave to myself. I was like, how long can I jump? And I just jumped for a while. And the answer is not that long. God, I wish you, I really wish you had gone to Vegas. I'm just, it's a totally different Jackie that

I thought I was walking into like, oh, Jackie's going to be like, oh, God, fucked all weekend. Yeah, I'm, yeah, man, just feeling good. They made a bird turn into a dog. Yeah, they do their magic thing. I was so excited. I've been talking about going to see a magic show for so long.

Yeah. Yeah, just like so brutally excited. And this is what happens when a woman's brain gets broken. And this is me. She just been standing at home jumping. See it how long she can jump. See how long I can jump for, MJ. Do you know?

It got to be less than 45 seconds. Like, it's going to be a short time. Oh, it's a short time. Oh, it's a short amount of jumping. Time really goes slow when you're jumping. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really hurts the knees.

I just didn't realize I hadn't jumped in a long time. I was like, I wonder how long I could jump for. And I just, this is what happens when you make content by yourself. You don't have a family. You don't have any dogs. Right. That you just, in the middle of the day, see how long you can jump for. And does that make you sad for me or does it make you yearn for a time when you could

jump for as long as you want to jump for. Jesus Christ, Jackie. Can we go back to the kitty pulls from the shit? You ask me about my punishments. They're not fun. They're still funnishments. I thought I was going to hear something fun. Like, how much, you know, how long can I, like, roll around and whip cream or, I don't know, like, how much, how bad can I scare someone on the street or something like that? Yeah. Jumping can be fun.

We got to get you a pogo stick. That'll make it really, that'll make more fun than Oh man. I had a pogo stick when I was in fifth grade. But I don't know how to ride a bike. And here's the thing. It's very difficult to ride on a pogo stick if you don't have the balance to ride a bike. So getting on the pogo stick, I was very, very scared of the pogo stick. And I really, really hurt myself on that pogo stick.

And I remember at one point that I thought that I was like, oh, I'll put it lower and I'll put my belly fat on top of it because it helps me push it down more. And then it just looked like I was having sex with a pogo. Pogo stick. Right. Because it looked like the Pogo stick was up inside of my gunch. And it wasn't up inside of my gunch. But then I had this. To be fair, you're also going to.

Oh. Oh. Yeah, it was like I was getting a massage from my own son. Oh, right. Bringing it back around. Oh, right. There. And then one of the boys got himself all slicked up to give the mommy a massage.

And he's like, yeah, I covered myself in oil. Why did he cover himself an oil? Yeah. Well, I just realized it's time for a celebrity conspiracy. Oh, oh, have I been vamping so that you'll go to the celebrity conspiracy? Yes. So it's not just, you don't want to talk about the bruise I got on my gunshot while I was pogo sticking. All right, I was talking about it.

Man, it was big. And it was purple. And I just remember, I was just like, it's never going to go away. And every time I sat down, I thought about that. There was no adult being like, don't put your gunch on top of the pogo stick, Jackie. Yeah, wait. So it's also, it was the Pogostick that brought you this kind of enjoyment of violence during lovemaking. I guess that's what it is.

It's all because of the Pococic. No, no, no, I would just be put in the front yard like a dog. I remember those days. That was the 90s. You just literally have to be outside. I don't care what you do, but you just have to be out there. You're sent outside. And then I do dumb shit like that.

Yeah, all day. I don't know. I'd like play basketball against like an invisible person. And it was sad. It was always very lonely. See, I'm not the only person that did weird things when they were alone when they were sent outside. I had this very distinct memory of playing

like vampires with myself in the backyard, like literally just pertaining to be a vampire and like fighting other vampires. And I turn around and my dad's just on the back deck just like watching me. And I just was like, hey, like it was just one of those like, I know I'm too old for this, but I'm so lonely. Like I should be like.

It's like, do you have a brother? Oh, yeah, my brother's got friends. He's got friends in the neighborhood. That's the problem. When the brother has friends. He got to ride him. See? There they go. I got to get winning on this bike.

Because, honestly, I think I would have had a lot more friends in my neighborhood if I just rode a fucking bike, but I just refused to do it. I was going to. I did a little bit. But once those training wheels came off, man, I was too. I just would hurt myself a lot. And it wasn't, it was scary. All three of us, not only are younger siblings, but we're all younger siblings whose

older siblings were more socially skilled than us. It really explains a lot about us in our dynamic. It certainly does. It really does. It definitely explains gronky. I'll tell you that much. All right, hit me with the chair.

Do you believe it? Did Rihanna pledge her baby to the Illuminati? Whoa. This one comes in from Zara. The sun recently reported that fans recently are noticing the clear indicator of Illuminati cajoling from Rihanna at the end of her Super Bowl special performance during the song, Diamonds. That's right.

She held up a triangle symbol with her hands, the very same symbol that Beyonce also flashed during her Super Bowl special, which we talked about in her celebrity conspiracy, way back, yon't. It was actually the second celebrity conspiracy we ever did. Quick sidebar question. Okay. Is the Illuminati symbol not dissimilar from like a pussy symbol? Right.

Or, for example, a diamond, you know? She was singing a nice song about diamonds. I wonder if she was making a diamond. I'm holding out my hands. It's the rock nation symbol. Also, Jay-Z used the symbol. It is the Eye of Providence, Jackie, from the Illuminati, the triangle with the eyeball in it. This is how you signal to the Illuminati that you are one with them.

I love you, Illuminati, friends. It could also be a diamond, though. Very, very easily, could be a diamond. It was the same performance in which she revealed her second pregnancy. many and actually most believe that this was a way for her to devote the child as well to the secret organization

that controls everything, Jackie. Everybody knows that whatever hand symbols you make when you're pregnant you're doing something. It's a pledge about what the kids' life is going to be. At the Super Bowl. At the Super Bowl. One person on social media wrote,

it seems it's always there. The more I've thought about the symbolism, the more it bothers me. Whoa. Sailor J wrote on Twitter that. No, that wasn't a non-thing. That was a thing. Oh.

What they wrote. That was definitely something that mattered. Sailor J wrote on Twitter that. Now we know why you agreed to perform at hashtag Super Bowl. LV2. Which one does that make it? What's LV2? LV-I-I-I-I-I-I.

No, I did that wrong. The hashtag Illuminati made you-7. 57. 57. The hashtag Illumini made you pledge allegiance. to them yet all the TV stations censored it hashtag. I don't know why it just ended with a hashtag. Whoa, extra hashtag.

He says this because right after she holds it up, the camera quickly jumps to a wide shot, as if they're terrified of the... Illuminati. If you look back on it, it... Yeah, it does that. But you clearly see her hold up the diamond. I mean, I'm sorry, the Eye of Providence Illuminati triangle. Yeah, so she has sacrificed her own unborn child to the Illuminati?

That's right. I think she's pledging publicly. That's how they get their message across. They don't do it in secret. Even though they're a secret organization, they do it very publicly. Yeah, as they should. The most public way you could, which is the Super Bowl halftime special. Yeah, but they cut away, Holden.

They're scared of her power. They're frightened. So what do you guys think? You guys feeling this? Rihanna's a member of the Illumina. I'm feeling a sense of skepticism from MJ. They've got the finger on the temple. I'm a really, yeah.

So at first, I think. thought maybe she was making a diamond symbol for shine bright like a diamond. But now I'm thinking, isn't it possible that, like, basically she and Beyonce both do this for the lulls? They've got to know about the Illuminati conspiracy theory. Whoa. Isn't it something that, like, would, if I was famous and everyone thought I was part of Illuminati, I would totally flash the Illuminati symbol just to be funny.

For the lulls. But she doesn't really seem like she does a lot of. for the lulls. She seems like a pretty serious person. Yeah, I feel like she is fairly serious, but maybe she's really serious about the Illuminati. Yeah, no, you're right, I believe. I'm sold.

Wow. And I do believe that she pledged her unborn child because I do believe that once you're pregnant, you cease to be a person of your own and everything you do is for the child. It's of the child. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's why you should never pleasure yourself in any way, shape, or form. Yeah. Be it via food. Or pogo stick. Or pogo stick. Depends on where that pogo stick is going.

Wouldn't that hurt the baby? Badly bruised. It would, but maybe the baby's jump. Maybe baby having jumps. Baby having jumps. Baby having belly jumps, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, the babies haven't belly jumps. Well, I feel broken like a promise.

And so this celebrity conspiracy must end. Did you give your verdict? Yes, I say yay to the. I think you're both crazy. And I say yay to the list as well. Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

Myth-busting moments necessary because of movies. The myth. Sharks can get a taste for human blood as seen in jaws. That is a fact. Sharks don't like to eat humans because they aren't part of their natural diet. Most times they attack surfers sitting on their surfboards because they look like seals or sea lions. There you go. Yeah.

Did you know it? I bet you didn't. It sounds like this myth didn't get busted. It sounds like it got whatever the opposite of busted is. It's saying that blood doesn't attract them, just the appearance of appendages looking like sea creatures. I see. That's the fact. Got it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about another myth? That the saber toothedure and Willie mammoth lived at the same time as dinosaurs, as seen in Ice Age. It's a fact. No, but the fact is This is labeled It's not a fact It's not a fact

It's saying It's saying like here's the undruth Here is the fact Here's the myth Here's a fact Don't make you shit into a Oh you want to see how long I can jump Jump jump jump jump

I bet I could jump for at least 30 seconds Pudnage A real karma with a K moment over here Jackie had know how to read the list So funny Jackie And then it's a fact. It was like, what I'm talking about? No, it's not.

At least I knew immediately that it wasn't a fact. Like, this is, this is structured improperly. I know, but it was there's some way. It was like we're about to do another, it looks like we're going to do another murder mystery thing. But when you did the murder mystery stream. Oh, it's sponsored by Stricks. So check it out. It's going to be soon right before St. Patrick's Day, Al, aka Holden's wedding anniversary.

Thank you for remembering where white and green that day. Yep. But it was like, like, I want there to be a show where it's just you struggling to figure out the rule set for something as you go, because it's nothing's funnier to me than that. Like, watch you try to run a murder mystery. You love to watch me fail. It's not that you succeed in this amazing way, but through, you fail upwards. Oh, I fail upwards. Yeah, yeah.

It's so. Failing upwards, the Jackie Zabrowski story. Also, I love the idea that this list is like, you know, Ice Age, not factually accurate. I know the movie, the animated film Ice Age with the talking animals from... It's not factually accurate. And I want you to remember that every time you try to enjoy it, think about the lies that are being spread by the movie Ice Age. Yeah. Because in fact, what the fact is is at Sea Bertoo.

My brain can't handle The list is drunker. Oh, man. I chose the list. But here's the thing. Do you imagine how different this episode would be of Jackie went to Vegas? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Totally different. So much of anger. We would have never even learned about the Pogo Stig on the Guts. Is Jackie asleep? I think she fell asleep peacefully during the episode. She's so just happy. She's just on a cloud. No, I am made in this last.

to be aggravated. Like, I'm convinced that aggravated is my constant state. You're the Garfield of life. Yes, I'm always aggravated about something. And right now it's the list. Sabreuth Tigers and Woolly Mammoths came. Yes, I need to read the fact. Saber tooth tigers and woolly mammoths came along, long after the dinosaurs died out.

However, they did live on Earth with humans and isn't that fascinating? It is. Thank you. I actually didn't know that. I actually thought that they were with the dinosaurs. So look at me believing Ice Age as a fucking fact. Right. The lies.

The lies that they're spreading over there. The lies in your eyes. Here's the myth. Absinth will make you hallucinate as seen in Moulon Rouge. But that is not a fact. What the fact is is. I don't know how to say it in like a... Chill not insane way.

It just says myth. And then you just say facts. People need to know that the list. Jackie's acting like this list is really hard to decipher. And what it is is there's a picture from the movie. At the top it says myth and it's what the myth is. And then below that it says fact. It's not a fact.

This is a fact. But what I had said previously was not the fact. That's the myth. the bit. But the fact about absinth is that absinth contains through Joan, which can cause people to hallucinate. However, both modern and older bottles of absent have been proven to not contain enough

to make people hallucinate. Reports of hallucination are probably due to the high alcoholic content. Hell yeah. Yeah, man. Fuck, absinth. Do not. Do not do it is my verdict.

Why? I love it. I just had a couple of bad nights with absinth. It's just like, you think, that you're like gonna have like a woo fun drinking night and then it's just like you just get way too ahead of yourself way too quickly oh well that's for sure yeah yeah yeah it just so drunk yeah uh yeah and i uh by the way he's gonna be real careful favorite absence spot is definitely a pirate's alley cafe in new orleans it's so cool it's in this creepy creepy alleyway

you like think you're gonna get like murdered but instead you're just sitting in this little cute little bar and they do the whole thing with the sugar cube and everything and you're And then the burning, I forgot about the fire. So I love it. And I love the taste of it. But you just got to be real careful. I'm not a big licorish guy, but I fucking love the taste of Absinth. Really?

So yummy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but you're fine with Yeager. Yeah, I'm okay with it. But I mean, Yeager's, I don't like, I'm like, yummy, yum, Yeager, yum, yum. It's like, it's stomachable, but it's definitely like, ill. Like, Absinth is a lighter licorice taste, though, and it's mixed. I feel like the taste with other.

stuff. It just doesn't, it's not the same for sure. Oh, I love it. Well, this, see, this is where things get weird because this actually is a fact. Okay. About this myth. You've been telling you. The myth is that lightning never

strikes the same place twice. What I will say is that it makes me mad because it says, as seen in Sweet Home Alabama. Yeah, this happened with the last one. It says as seen in Bula Ruse, but it was a picture of The New Girl. The New Girl. And then this one says as seen in Sweet Home Alabama, which I haven't seen that movie referenced in quite

some time. Right. First of all, yeah. What is Sweet Home Alabama? If I remember correctly, is Matthew McConaughey and Elise Witherspoon? Yes. In a rom-com from the 90s or maybe early aughts. Also, it's hilarious to be like, if you were in a conversation with people, you're like,

yeah, you know, the old myth, lightning never strikes twice. And people would be like, yes, I learned that from Sweet Home Alabama. Alabama. And then it's a picture of Thor with lightning eyes. I'm sorry, it wasn't Matthew McConaughey's, Reese Witherspoon, and Josh Lucas and Patrick Dempsey. That changes everything. It does change. I'm going to throw it out there.

Josh Lucas kind of has a Matthew McConaughey vibe. What is the fact? It does. It does. Yes, it does. So what's the myth, Jackie. You know what? At first I was making fun of you for being an idiot, but you know what?

This fucking list is going to be used. The pictures are wrong. The picture is a picture of Thor getting struck by lightning and it says fact, yes it does, especially when it comes to all things. So it's not a myth busting. No, you're all wrong. The myth is that lightning never strikes the same place twice. The fact is that it does strike the same place twice.

Oh, that it does strike it twice. Okay, so that it is fine. My brain. The list is fine. Jackie remains. problem. Hi, it's me. I'm a problem.

That's me. Well, now I'm starting freaking it like that young woman. I'm getting your mind sickness. Yeah, man. I'm getting, yeah, you're next MJ put up your shields because I'm coming for your brain.

Now this one, see, here's the thing. When I choose the list, I like to also be surprised. So I read like a couple of them on the list and then I'm like, yeah, yeah, this is great. And then I like to be surprised

as well. So I don't read through these things. Right. You know, what am I going to prepare? Right. Yeah, no. No, you should. We need to be surprised with you.

Got to keep it loose. Off the cuff. This is the vibe of the show. Like the myth, urine is sterile. As seen in Fight Club, there is a picture of a baby cherub statue. How hard was it? To get a fucking picture of fucking fight. I'm like insulted by this fucking list.

This person did not earn their $35 or whatever they get for putting these together. It is so bad. It's got to be hard. making this list. The fact about this is that actually urine has tons of bacteria in it. Don't drink it or use it to sterilize anything. Yeah, no shit. Actually, there is a weird new trend and like TikTok of people who drink their own piss and feel that piss drinking is like super, has all these healing properties and stuff. Man, TikTok can make a lot of people do a lot of things. Yes. Please listen to the next.

episode of fraudsters with me and Sina Gazznavi talking about what TikTok made Sina Gazznavi do and how he lost a bunch of money. So don't listen to everything that you hear on TikTok. It's not always true. Or anything. Don't actually listen to anything you hear on TikTok, I think, is actually the real... Or like if it makes you look something up. Sure.

That's great. If it gives you an investigative bug, that's awesome. Cross reference. Just check it out. Check it out. Give it a check. Citations needed. Yeah, just a couple of them.

And last but not least, the myth. Severed body parts should be put on ice as seen in any movie where someone comically loses a finger. The fact. The ice could damage the body part, making it harder to reattach. The American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons

instead recommends you cover the amputedent part in Moistened gauze. Place it in a watertight bag and place that bag on ice in a sealed container or in another watertight bag. And you tell me you don't learn things

on this show. That's what cross reference. For sure. I mean, is anybody thinking they should just throw the finger in to like a cup of ice without putting it in the bag first?

Right. Like anyone would wrap the finger up and like whatever. You could probably wrap it up. Wouldn't just like put a fill a colorful ice and throw a finger in there and just let it like rattle around. What are we fucking?

Put it in the cooler with the, you know, the white clot. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just, I mean, why not? Let it get it, let it sit in there. I honestly have never thought about it before, so I'm glad that we're talking about this now because I don't know what I would terrifying do if I cut off my finger. That is tough because the number one thing you need to be do is, like, do is like be really delicate with the finger.

And at the same time, you're probably panicking quite a bit. So it's got to be an interesting little, like, challenge. That's a fun punishment. I can finishment. Yeah, take care of your finger. Trying to stay as calm as you can while panicking more than you've ever panicked in your life because you lost a finger. Yeah, that's a great idea. There you go.

I'll think about that next time. Instead of jumping, I'm going to cut my own finger on. Cut myself bladen. Oh, no. Don't put it back in my head holding. Cut myself bladen. That's it for the list. Oh, my God, but that's not it for me with my sight leaving me.

That's right. I think I'm going. I'm blind. items. Oh, we can't see them. This one named, this might be a little complicated. This is a bit of a mush-mouth one. All right, all right.

Gear up, gear up. Just try to make it step by step. I'll read it a couple times. I try to simplify it as much as possible. This one-named A-list singer says that another one-named permanent A-list singer hates her because she turned down her sexual advances. All right, I'm going to say Adele is one of them. No.

Shear is one of them. No and no. Not Cher Adele or Beyonce. Madonna. Yes, Madonna is one of them. Madonna is the one that's the permanent A-Lister that's with the sexual advances. Who's the other one? Another one named.

Usher. No, it's a lady. Oh. Or them they, I think it's a lady. It's a lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They are. I have so many that would give it away.

They're known, all right, their stage shows really cool because they like to get up into the air. Pink. Yes, pink. Pink. I knew that only give it away. I was also going to be like, they are a color, but it's like, then it's so obvious.

Yeah, but I mean, at least I know that she does a lot of aerial work. Yeah, yeah. Pink hit on Madonna or Madonna hit on Pink? Madonna hit on Pink. Pink recently said this on the Howard Stern show. Madonna doesn't like me. She tried to kind of play me on Regis and Kelly, and I'm not the one. So it didn't work out.

She also said, she was such an inspiration to me, but it sort of got twisted around that I was like fan-girling and was dying to meet Madonna when in actuality she invited me into her dressing room. And so I just said a joke when Regis Philbin brought me out. And he said, I heard you were just falling over yourself backstage. How does it feel? I said, I thought she wanted to meet me. So apparently like, Madonna's already out there.

They bring on pink. And then they're like, oh, wow. I mean, I guess Madonna made it seem like she was clamoring to meet her in the dressing room before the show. Oh. That's the story on that. I don't know who I'm rooting for in this situation. I know right. I was being kind of shady, you know.

So Lultz gave her some shade on the show, but also was kind of pissed because it was like, bitch, you invited me to the fucking green room. And then also, I think the blind is saying not only was she invited to the green room, but she was also like hit on in the green room. Gotcha. You know what I'm saying? And so, you know what I mean? It's like that thing in high school or whatever where someone has to crush on you and

they like make it known and then you like, it's awkward. and then the next thing you know, you're being talked about like you were the one who was trying to like get with them. Yes. You know what I mean? And like how pissed off

that would make you be like, they fucking try to kiss me. Well, and Pink has been very open with the fact that like on this like tour run because Pink has a new album coming out so they've been, of course, getting all the interviews done. And not only this stuff with Madonna,

but also how like the feud she used to have with Christina Aguilera because of the Moulon Rouge song and like some shit. shade that was thrown a long time ago. Yes, I saw that shady clip too. Yes, and so Pink is all upset because essentially she's like,

all people are talking about is this like hot button stuff I've said in interviews and no one's talking about my album. And she wrote this long Instagram caption of talking about like the hard work she's done and all they're talking about is the drama. And I'm like, Pink, you've been in this business for how long? Yeah, totally.

You know that everyone's going to be talking about the hot button like Goss stuff that you're talking about. And like social media, They're not going to just be like albums, music matters. Yeah. Music these days. Like, that's not what makes the world go around on fucking Twitter. Not.

But I mean, at this, and at the same time, are they not still talking about your album? Yeah. Because, like, isn't that a part of what this, like, disgusting world of gossip is? Right. Like, oh, you got to say a hot goss thing so that people are talking about it. And then there's headlines. And then everyone knows you have an album coming out, which is a sad cycle to be trapped in. but it is the cycle.

Yeah, it's true though, man. I'm not even, I definitely know the exact clip you're talking about of her being like, I didn't even like Mulan Rouge or whatever the fuck. And that really made it out. Everyone was like, wow, pink's a bit. Yeah. But I imagine, that's a lot of dives on one set,

so something's got to go down. Well, we got shade on shade today in the blind, so let's keep it rocking. This prolific baby maker slash host, gee, I wonder who it is, would really like to do a project with this big pocketed ass. so he could get some cash flow going.

He didn't quite realize how much cash he was going to need every month, and more announcements are pending. Of course, because he's only anything, everything but nice towards Mariah Carey and every second he gets, and that is, of course, Nick Cannon. Well, the article linked to this is this hilarious article. Must be Nick on the phone. Mariah Carey and son Moroccan's comical video shows Moroccan hanging up on someone,

fans bringing up his father, Nick Cannon. So it's Moroccan. The two were seeing the back of the cars, Carrie had her cell phone up to her ear while she mouthed. When it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone. You did wrong, so wrong, so wrong, so wrong. That boy, straight-faced emoji, was written over her part, which quickly changed through Dap Boy, hard eyes once her 11-year-old son made his appearance.

And then, while the chorus broke through the camera, panned over to a disgusted Moroccan who snatched the cell phone out of his mother's hand and lip synced. It's a wrap for you, baby, and he ended his mom's call. Damn! Maybe jump back in the video and match her recorded lyrics that said it's a rap for you right before the skit ended. And everyone's thinking that was Nick on the phone. Whoa.

And that fun? And I don't know if we should bring our children into our TikToks of our own powerful difficulties. I will say that's what people online are immediately placing over that video. But yeah, it does work with the blind pretty well that they're like, Get the fuck out of here. You crazy ass with your fucking, you know, 20 kids, like on the way. What are we doing here? Yeah.

So anyways. I mean, I think it's fun that he's just like, I'll have all the kids. What could happen? And then he's like, fuck, kids cost money. Oh, my God. They're all so expensive. Well, and we didn't talk about, or it wasn't in the articles. I just remembered a couple people sending me the newest thing where he was like, God will decide how many kids.

God will decide how many kids he's going to have. It's God's decision. Does she not understand how like male fertility works? God decides when we're done. Yes, herpes aren't going anywhere, buddy. Like, we're going to stick around. I mean, there are many, many people that feel this way. That's insane.

That is literally him just being like, I'm just going to keep impregnating women for the just foreseeable future. Yep. Going to keep on, keep on. Maybe God will find a way to rip his dick off. We'll see. Who knows if that, if it's God's plan, it's God's plan. That'd be, it'd be cool. to be like, wow, God, I would think God might be real

if his penis gets ripped off at some point in the next five years. And like an accident or, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a guy, I guess if a guy just walked up or ripped it off. That would be very scary. Yeah, that'd be creepy.

That'd be weird. Gronky. All right, this final one, he might do. I don't know, he's a kooky cat. Yeah, he is kooky. This last one was actually something, well, let's get into it. I want to give too much away.

The A-list actress who used to sing says she is taking a break from social media. she had to say that because her team is tired of it. Our actress has at least a dozen fake social media accounts, which will be active. Selena Gomez. Yeah, and we, this was actually, I thought there was going to be a follow-up, and we'll talk more about it in the leftovers. Oh, we're going to talk about it in the leftovers.

There's all this crazy drama going on with Selena Gomez and Haley Bieber. But yeah, she recently announced she was taking a break for social media. She defended Taylor Swift in a post that seemed to be shading Taylor by via Haley Bieber. It's a long story. What's going on with Selena Gomez? A clip from 2017, anyway. She makes this gagging motion at this award show. It was from years ago, which I didn't realize.

I thought it was like a recent thing when I saw the clip of it. And so Selena's been like making, you know, comment. Like, it's just celebrities that are just like us. I can't believe how much celebrities pop off on social media and how it never works ever well for them. It does not go well, ever. Did they not have, like, didn't everyone I know had like one night where they were like, what, I'm never going to open up Twitter again when I'm drunk.

You know, like, you just have one night where you're like, I just, comment on shit like this. I'm not going to go on shit. Whatever it is, whatever your weakness is, whatever the thing is where you take out your phone when you're drunk and you're like, maybe I'll post. And then you do it. And then it doesn't go the way you want to. And then you decide, you know what? I'll never post when I'm drunk again. And celebrities just don't get that.

And it doesn't have to be drunk. It could be angry. Don't post when you're angry. That's what you really got to not post. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So she had, but I love that this blind is saying that she's actually, they're like dying for her to take a break because she's literally on a dozen fake social media accounts, like, just in the wild, like, operating, which I don't have any fake social media accounts. I imagine you probably obsess over it if you're a celebrity.

Like, how do you not, or you have to, like, shut it off and you completely have, like, assistance and someone else take care of all of it. Dude, look at any of it. had a team that promoted for me, I would love to never, never be on any of that stuff. God, to delete all of that shit wholesale from my phone would feel so fucking. I'm just trying to get successful enough that I can never use social media again. That is like one of my big, that would be like a huge breakthrough for me. It was like, you never have to do it. Someone handles the holding account. If you want to say something, you just tell them what you want to say. They get it out there. They look at the comments. Yada, yada, yada. You know what I mean?

and they tell you if you said something like, you know, poor people are dumb or whatever, right? If you say that and then you have to go make a statement, you know what I mean? I don't think that. I think poor people are very smart. I think they're very brilliant people, right? As a society as a people. I say we burn him alive at the stake. I want to watch him burn.

I know we're at the end of the show and I know you'll talk about it on the leftovers. And I'm wondering if, if, Jackie, if you could give me like the elevator pitch on what's going on with Haley Beaver and Selena Gomez. I know that there was a video where everybody thought that they were going to be, although she thought the paparazzi was going to be following her and they were following. But they dated the same man. Like, going back to the beginning. They did the same guy.

It was always talked about how. But then recently she like, she said something nice about Haley Bieber and then like not long after that. To try and like cover up the shade because it's been shade for so long. But then it was just this clip. And again, I thought it was a recent clip, which would have made this make a lot more sense.

but the fact that the clip is from 2017 and it is 2023, is a little ridiculous for Selena to be like, you know, I'll always defend my friend and, like, get there and be like, actually, she's more talented than every, you know what I mean? She makes one of those comments, like, on the comments of the clip, whatever. It's like, sorry she's, like, more talented than everyone or whatever she said. It's something like that. And, you know.

You know what? So sorry my best friend is and continues to be one of the best in the game. But it's like, yeah, what is now in 2023? She made that gag motion in 2017. When, by the way, it was really fucking cool to hate her. I remember because that's when I got into her. And, man, that was challenging. That was when the reputation show was going on.

And so it was very cool to hate Taylor Swift. And that's all. Haley Bieber was just a part of that giant wave. You're listening right now. You know you were a part of it. Shame. Shame, shame, shame. Of course she's listening right now.

You know what I mean? I've just been anyone who was anti-Tay back in the day because it was cool. Hey! Well, now Holden's going to play. And he's going to turn everything. Craig, Craig. I think you're already.

Rocky, get out here. We're ready for you. No. Stay away forever. You banished head from this show. Banished! So anyways, but that's the nut and bolts of it. Okay, yeah, man.

The nut and nuts. That makes, it's like, it's just like not. that much at all just kind of hyped up into. Yes, it's just being, that was a misstep. And yeah, she probably should get off of social media if she's, you know, that's clearly like, I'm in a bad mood. I'm going to comment on, you know what I mean? And then it's like, that's when you don't comment.

I mean, I think you're dead on, MJ. You got to learn that. You get bit by the social media dog. Yeah. And Selena Gomez just put through the ringer constantly. I just feel like her social media, it's constantly like just barbs and shitty thing. and it is such an up and down. So it's like, I do feel like just, yeah, get out.

Disconnect you. You can afford to disconnect and just make your music and do whatever you want and go to your cool parties and never be on Instagram or Twitter or any of it. So just do that. Like why all celebrities, they literally, if you're rich enough to hire a team that, you know, does all your publicity. It's not just being rich enough, you're also a celebrity, right? So you need the team.

You need the team to handle it. Oh, my God. a social media manager just for just for me. Fuck yeah, dude. Right. I'm sold. Yeah, I will delete it all for my phone. Never going to happen, though.

You're going to have to do it forever. Yeah. I know. Are you still blind? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's rough for him. All right, I can see.

We get into the show. Oh, right. We won't put him in the kiddie pool full of shit, but we will think about it. Don't you worry. And thank you guys. much for joining us on this week's episode of page seven and if you

have any funnishments of your own you can write it and tell us about it at a page seven podcast at gmail.com I think that everyone understands punishments sometimes you just got to see how far you can push yourself. Yeah and also please send in those celebrity conspiracies and blinds

and all that good stuff we'd love to hear from you page seven podcast at gmail.com and the other thing I wanted to say we kept saying the leftovers leftovers and it is kind of a new concept so I wanted to reiterate the leftovers is our new Patreon bonus episode that we are doing on that $5 tier every week. Jackie and I, we do a post show roundup of all the articles we didn't cover. We'll get a little more in depth about the Selena Gomez thing, for instance, on the leftovers.

So join us there. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast for that as well as the $10 layer. You can join us. We're watching Flava of Love every Thursday. And it is so much fun on our Discord. So consider that. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. And thank you guys so much.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can follow us on TikTok at page 7 LPN. And you can come hang out with me over on Sundays and Tuesdays and Wednesdays at Twitch. dot TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. And definitely I've been, oh man, I've been building myself quite the fuck, Jack on Wednesdays over on the Sims. and you probably want to see it.

Hell yeah, and you might want to see me on Twitch, twitch.tv.tv.tv.4.S.Oldanators. I do a really fun show with Jackie on Fridays on my channel called Jack it with the Holdies. It is such a fun, crazy pregame, or just the game, uh, on a Friday to get lit up and have some fun. We were having a blast, especially lately. We've been kicking it up, man. So come check us out on that. Twitch.tv.4.6 Holdenatorsho streams Monday through Friday.

MJ. My name is MJ. and I am M.J.K.L. Kat on Instagram. You certainly are. Hell yeah. All right. And it's time for the song. Shout, shout, shout, let it all out.

These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're going to read them to you. Come on. Thank you guys so incredibly much for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I read every single thing that you guys send in, and I really, really appreciate you just taking the time to reach out, even if it's just a TV recommendation, just to say, hey, I'm thinking of you. And I really, really appreciate it.

And I love you guys so much. Let's go on to our first shoutout. Our first shoutouts from Jason. Jason's going through a rough time right now, and we're here to send them a little bit of love. Shortly before the pandemic, my amazing wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. After chemo, she is still going through painful recovery surgeries. My beautiful daughter slipped into a deep depression after suffering major traumas, and this triggered a battle with previously well-hidden mental illness and second-degree autism.

She is doing better in holding a job, but just totaled her third vehicle in three years. She was unharmed, thank God. As if this run of bad luck was not enough, my nine-year-old St. Bernard, whom I love more than breathing, has gotten Lyme disease, and his legs are not working properly. He's doing a little better with walking. I use a rear support, but he has now developed an autoimmune disease out of nowhere and is tearing his paws apart,

further complicating walking. Between cleaning, cooking, nursing, human and animal, parenting and working two jobs, the seams are beginning to show. It seems petty to complain when there are people who have to choose between food and shelter, so I don't.

I am, thank God, unbreakable. And despite the bad luck and mental health stuff, have a wonderful family that loves each other deeply. I didn't write this for any other reason than to tell you people that I have never met how much you mean to me. Every time I laugh at fish fucking conspiracies, find out who's on the list, or listen to shoutouts from people battling mental illness who have made it to a better life while praying that it will be my daughter someday.

It makes these days bearable by lightning my heart. What you do matters more than you can imagine. Viva la Gronky! That's where you lost me, Jason. sorry, you definitely lost me at VLoggerla Kronki. But thank you so much for sending in, and you know what? You're right, this is a beautiful community where people have overcome so many hardships, and thank you for putting out that energy of you will, your family will, and I'm so

proud of you. So much love to you, Jason. Now moving on to Chloe, the beautiful Kipmel from chat. Kitmel, aka Chloe, says, this is dedicated. to those in our community who feel lost and afraid like I do. I'm 23 years old, and sometimes I feel like it's too late. Sometimes I feel like I'm an accumulation of all my little failures, my missteps, my regrets, my losses. The last few months have been particularly hard. I lost two truly beloved pets from old age. The man I loved more than anything had no time for me, so he walked away without looking back.

I don't have my license yet. I don't have any close friends and rejection from career opportunities have left me reeling with disappointment for days. It's hard not to turn this all towards myself. You three at page seven have expressed many times how difficult it is to be in your 20s. It is, Kimmel. And also that your 30s promise better things. I think that's why I'm still here. I imagine myself in only a few years' time making space for myself, demanding it, finding it, finding my way. I'm trying not to be afraid. anymore. I go ahead and cry on the bus on hard days, embarrassing myself. I laugh loudly when I'm happy and dance when I have the energy, savoring such fleeting moments. I push forward, push against the walls, push against my own critical voice. I march forward even on unsteady feet. I try is what I do. To page 7 and LPN, thank you for helping me and others like me to push forward, for giving us hope, for making us laugh. To those who feel like me, please keep going. You are enough. Your mistakes, your missteps, your losses, those are not failures. They are only proof that you have lived. One year, one day, one moment at a time. Love Kitmel.

Thank you so much, Chloe, for saying this. And it does. Your 20s are hard. No matter what, it's difficult. And you are, you're killing it. And I know that it's so hard to say this. And when I was 23, when older people would tell me this, I'd be like, fuck you. You don't understand what I'm going through. But the thing is I do, and it's so fucking hard. And I hate to say that it's like you're carving yourself with a jackhammer out of rock. And this is the part where you have to do all the jackhammering. You got to start the carving somewhere. And I'm so proud of you, Chloe, keep on, keeping on. You fucking got this. And it gets so much better. I promise you. And the more jackhammering and the more carving you do in your 20s, the better it is in your third.

And I know it's hard to hear this, but thank you so much for sharing this. So much love to you, Chloe. And now, just a shout-up from Katie, which I really, really appreciate. Katie says, I can't help but send a big shout-out to all of you this week for talking about all of the insufferable grown-up books you all read as kids. I feel so seen. I was the fourth grader reading depressing as Schittstein Beck and Bradbury books. Thank you all for being yourselves.

You make me feel not as alone in my childhood weirdness. Y'all are the best. P.S., shout out to all the insufferable, fabulous kiddos out there who are reading way beyond their age level. It gets better. So much love to you, Katie. I feel like you guys have, even though very different, coming out from very different angles,

you and Chloe have just like, accept yourself, get through the hard parts. We fucking got this shit. Because, guys, we fucking got this shit. Love you guys so much. Thank you so much for your shout-outs. You can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. And I love you all so incredibly much.

And I hope you have a great week. Be good to yourself. Be good to others. Yes. Holden Nitters. It's time for revenge of the PlayStation Network. Shoutouts. MLG, Cumboy, 69, says, I love the page 7 crew.

Been a fan for years. And I always look forward to what shenanigans are happening in the celebrity world. Hashtag team gronky. All right. Praise to my lizard Lord Holden, even though I have got to say, I think Taylor Swift is. Mid! Whatever! Now that I know, my fate is sealed for the swifties will come for me in the night and claim my soul.

I will also give a shout-out to my lovely sister, Nora. Whatever, Nora. Thank you so much for being such a positive role in my life. You really are the best girl. I love you. Holden-thitters-ho! Unbelievable! This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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