Page 7 - Ep. 486: Go Find Some Joy, Will Ya?

Episode Date: March 24, 2023

This week we're gossin' 'bout Swift City takin' over EVERYTHING (EVEN THIS PODCAST), the verbal abuse faced when being A Dan Man, NEW DATES COMIN' SOON FOR RELEASE THE BUTTHOLE CUT PART 2, Labrador Retrievers have been knocked back into their place by snuffin' frenchies and WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR AMERICA???, GOOPs branded disordered eating and the ripple effect GP is trying to deny while she pumps the ozone up her butt, a potential serial pooper ends up taking a sad turn with a comment section that doesn't disappoint, Diplo bein' a proud ~vibe guy~ plus the positive impact it can have, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Did Jeremy Renner LIE about his recovery journey?!? Also a list that's not really what it says it is, blindz and SHOUTS! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yes, I am a good Lord goddess to you, Holden, and I hope you remember it. Thank you. Say you'll remember me. Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset day. When I have to grab my luby. Red lips and rosy jeans. Say you'll see me again. Even if it's just in your wildest dreams.

It's even in your wildest dreams. All these people right now are barfing in the little parkbacks. Get over it. We're going to talk kindly about this woman for a little bit. I know it kills you. I don't murder you. Everyone wants to die having to talk about Taylor Swift. Talk kindly about the woman.

No, we are going to be talking. It's your week. It's y'all's time to shine right now. We thought it was during the week of midnights, but in fact it's not. It is during this Swift city. This is insane. You and all of your friends, Holden, I am pointing at you right now. Y'all are crazy.

Yeah, we're crazy. You seized a city. City. A city has been taken by Taylor Swift. Another fun stat. It's the same stadium that the Super Bowl was in this year, had more attendance than the Super Bowl. That's fun. We'll hand it to her. That awesome. Insane. I feel like the Swifties are slowly becoming like Eagles fans.

They're scared whether she performs well or whether she doesn't. They're going to tear the city down. And I think, I love to support it with the Philadelphia Eagles fans, but also I'm not in Philly, so I don't have to be scared of them. There's also the band, the Eagles. I was like, how dare you? We're no Hotel California. Yeah, well, we are bad. I'm always ready to take it easy.

And I will fight. No, I don't fight anyone that hates the Eagles because everyone does the, uh-h-h-h-h-h-hook the Eagles. We've all seen the Big Lebowski. Yes, I know, but I still like my head with me. Did that offend you? Did that part of the movie offend you a little bit? No. I got kicked out of the cab.

That doesn't, that doesn't offend me. It's the, annoying people. It's the backlash for the past 30 years. Right. And then everyone, I'm like, I don't know if you're, are you saying this because of the Big Lebowski or are you just saying it because you genuinely hate the Eagles? And if you hate the Eagles, fine. Mazel to ye.

Fine, you hate the Eagles. Don't yuck my yum! Well, and legendary alternative and punk and everything else. badass music producer Steve Albini recently started a giant Twitter debate about the worthiness of Steely Dan and I'm a Dan man and he went after my Dan so I get you on that

and I feel like the way you're feeling about protecting the Eagles it's kind of the way I've been feeling a little bit about protected Steely Dan because it's just like Is it because of Aja? I love I think Aja's a masterpiece you know and yeah he was coming after all sorts of stuff He went after Aja. He went after people who refer to them as the Dan. He described me.

He described a dad with a beard that needs to go jump off a bridge, whatever he said we should do. He described my people, you know what I mean? But yeah, I became like a fan of the Dan. I'm a Dan man. I get it, man. I'm a Dan man as well. You know, like, I will groove to a dirty work. Oh, you put on dirty work and I will groove until I have become a pencil.

In my head, I was a piece. Okay. with me. I was a piece of wood. Yeah. And I was grooving so hard that I've grooved myself all the way down into my pencil. The lead come from though. If you were just a tree. The lead was always within her. From my spirit holding. Okay. The lead is your soul. Yes. And what are you writing with the pencil that is your soul at that point? I think at this point we're imagining a giant block of wood that doesn't know it's a pencil.

Right. But it's always been a pencil on the inside. We didn't know. And Steely Dan helps the wood discover its true essence. It's called the Steely Dan tree. It's a sequel to the giving tree. And it's just about. It's just about a tree that just grooves to the, some old fogey leaves to speak like a boombox playing Steely Dan on repeat. I'm a fool to do your dirty work. Oh, yeah. Drink scotch whiskey all night long and dive behind the wheel. How good is that song, man?

I dare you to put on the Dan and not groove yourself into a pencil. That's what I have to say right now. And not get hard. I want you to put tape your penis down against your thigh. and challenge yourself to not get hard. I don't think silly Dan is a hard. A hardman's music. You guys are describing two very different experiences.

A whole set is just getting grooved but hard the whole time. I'm not imagining Jackie is like aroused while she's getting grown. Either way cocaine is involved for sure, right? You're calling your boy. Yeah, as soon as I put the Dan in, I call my buddy Fast Richard, he shows up. He usually just hears it. It's like the bat signal. He hears he's like, oh, Holden's listening to Dan.

And it just like grabs his poppers and everything else. Yeah, especially when I've got my cockroach bucket hat on. I do have a cockroach bucket hat on because Henry was so excited. He's like, I got you a gift. And he gave me this gift. And it is a bunch of yellow roaches on a bucket hat. And at first, I was truly disgusted. But then I realized I saw the beauty in the cockroaches that were on the hat.

And now I mean, this is what happens. This is pencil Jackie right now, and I ain't talking about weight. I'm talking about groove. Right. And I am feeling so good today. And that's why, you know what, Taylor Swift can't get me down? Why would she? How would that hat?

How would she out of normal? Her success is not bringing you down. No, her success is not bringing me down. You know what it is? You know why, Holden? Because I read, I read celebrity gossip every day. Right. And since her performance, everything is about Taylor Swift.

44 songs. songs and over three hours of material. Care and more about it. I can, I'm astounded and I'm worried for you, Taylor. I've been thinking about you. I keep asking Lexi, she always rolls her eyes when I do this, but I'm like, Lexi, can you, tonight when you do your prayers, can you please pray for Tay? She needs all the help she can get.

How are you supposed to do over three hours of material? 44 songs a night every single, at least two, two nights a weekend. It is astonishing. All over the spinning globe. It makes no sense. It's an anomaly, and I need her to get all the way to August, all the end of her tour. One of the shows I'm going to, the most important ones, that's one that my seats are in complete dog shit, is the night before the last night of her American leg of the tour. I'm already devastated for myself and for her.

No, man, she's going to leave it all on the stage. Is that what they say? Leave it all on the stage. Yeah, she's going to leave it all on the stage. She's going to be, you know, we had, I think our Texas, we're a lot like Taylor Swift, and I think our Texas shows. We've been touring. We've been globe trotting. We've been also just, you know, massive ticket sales, just like Taylor.

So people breaking their computers, throwing their computers at the window. Which also, you will have the opportunity to break your own computer coming up very soon. We will be letting you know our new dates for the release the butthole cut tour part two. Yeah. That is going to be coming to you and your town very soon. Please continue, MJ. I'm so excited. I will say, too.

No, we don't have audiences that were greater than attended the Super Bowl. But we've had all audiences larger than the Super Bowl party I attended. Yeah. So I'm going to look at it like that. Very true. And we left it all on the field, you know? Yes. Oh, we did.

The killing field. The killing field. We sing that song at one point in the show for no reason. You guys got to see what we have to do. The killing field. Were you just as excited about the fact that Taylor Swift did the bejewled TikTok dance? Wow. Isn't that amazing?

While she was singing bejoled. I love this. And went wild. Yeah, I just love her and I love this. And I love that you brought up another Taylor Swift story. Let's just live in it. How far are we into the episode?

I'm just trying to get past it. I'm trying to get past it. I'm talking to you, tortured person. Maybe we'll talk about something else this episode. Who knows? We are. A person who hates that we're talking about Taylor Swift right now.

I don't know. Maybe we'll just keep talking about. What's your favorite era? My interpretation. You know what, Holden? It sounds like you're being a real Labrador retriever. Oh, you're going to bring it.

in the dog breeds story to cut off the tailors. And you are definitely being a real Frenchie right now. I'll be a Frenchie. Don't get my tongue anywhere near your mouth. And that includes the dog's mouth as well. We are talking about the reigning supreme champion of dog breeds. Yes, we are talking about the French Bulldog, which is after 31 years, ousted Labrador Retriever as the top dog breed.

It said, get out of here. Holden how do you feel because I feel like I did just bulldog you? A little bit. Yeah, I feel a little bulldog right now, that common expression. To French bulldog, someone is to just like lightly nudge them in a wet way out of the way that you were going to, you're like, I need you to leave. Right. I'm going to press my face against you. My thing is this, yeah, I'm glad they address this in the article because there's a couple of insidious things going on like underneath this story.

First of all, French bulldogs have like horrible. like respiratory issues and they're bred into oblivion and this is all purebred statistics and there is currently a big debate so I'll just say this consider adoption you should probably look into that oh definitely instead of getting yet another frenchie out out on the market you know what I mean and if you need a pure bread try looking maybe for like pure bread rescues with which there are I know that some people are like some people want a breed because they know that it's good for families or good for apartments or good for kids or whatever. But yeah, I also feel like I love a French bulldog. I will stop every time I see a French bulldog. They'll be like,

are you a little Frenchie? Are you a little French? And so don't get that. I love them. I love them. But in general, I think that it is health-wise, it is, um, muts, I think are just generally healthier. I think the peer bread stuff is not usually good for dogs. But especially Frenchies. They have a lot of physical issues because of those. Your shorts now. Also, if you just want some bread, just get some bread, put some butter on it, peanut butter, jelly. Always good for a sandwich. Always good for lunch.

You make it a bread, a pun right now. Is it like a breed? Wow. Like the word breed? Wow. Is it too late to cancel this show and start over without hold of? Yeah, let's get back to the top. Triscotch whiskey all night long.

We'll take the tailor out the top. We'll just scoop it like the fat. I'm glad that we're talking about this very important topic because I was listening to the radio the other day. I just had the radio on for some reason. And they were talking about this very important. And everybody needs to know what happened that the American Kettle Club has decided to oust the Labrador retrievers. Arguably one of the best breeds. What's the title?

What title has the French bulldog taken over from Labrador? Is it favorite dog of America? America's favorite dog breed. Wow, it really is America's favorite dog. For pure bread, this is taking account, all of the adoption, statistics, and everything like that. This is just pure bread, though. Right. Statistics.

It's the American Kennel Club. This is all very, yes. They're all very scary, and I feel like we're looking at them. They're like the, you know, American History X here, just telling us what our dogs have to be. Wow. And I will not American History X. I was not. Strait of that.

I see. You're talking about, you're talking about eugenics. What the fuck is that? I'm against it. I'm saying I'm against. I have to go from the episode. You know, if we wanted to be. Light reference. Mine was a light reference to eugenics. If we wanted to be real hacks, what we could do is we could start pontificating about what this means for America. America used to love a big, strong dog who did work. And now what do we love? We love a pretty, little snuffler who wears a sweater and a diamond collar. You know, so doesn't it, doesn't it signify the queering of America, perhaps? That's what I would say. And I have to go.

And I need to leave. I'm saying this and like, this is what Ben Shapiro would say or something, you know? Yes, we're being, we're being japists here holding. That's the difference. There you go. We're having a jane. Trans dogs are ruining this country. We used to have gender.

rolls and Labradors, you know, and now all the teens are they-thems, and America's favorite dog is a pretty little dog you put in a bag. Set your watch to it to a laugh. Yes. And they're telling us on the TikToks to drink bone broth as a soup. Oh, my, we got to talk about Goop. We got to talk about Goop. We need to talk about Goop.

I can't believe how much goop has just exploded everywhere in this last week. And yes, I'm talking about visceral pus. out of orifices that you don't want. Stop. Talking about Guinez Paltrow. I'm actually a little bit surprised and embarrassed at how it took me a decade and a half to realize that Gwyneth Paltrow's whole thing is just like branded disorder eating. I never saw it as that.

You know, I always saw it as like, oh, wellness, she's trying to get us to put weird stuff in our vaginas and she's trying to get us to put weird shit on our faces. but really what it is about is like constructing these extremely elaborate rules for what you can and cannot eat. And anybody who has, you know, content note for talking about disordered eating, anybody who has ever experienced disordered eating knows that this obsession with exactly what type of food you are putting in your body all day long, it just is like a roadmap for disorder eating. Oh, and not to mention intermittent fasting is literally just fucking some sort of weird way we've created a new acceptable form of anorexia. It is insane. Right. The whole intermittent fasting thing, we're all going to look back in it and be like, what?

Why? It's so crazy that we don't notice these health trends and, like, see them for how silly they are, especially at this point when we've gone through how many iterations. Carbs. The only thing you're supposed to eat is carbs. That's the only thing you should eat. Right. Don't eat anything else. Didn't we go through a period of that at one point when I was a lot younger?

I mean, it's just insane. I remember the Atkins. Then there was the Atkins. Yeah. And it was the opposite. So then you go the opposite way. And it really is what's crazy. And like her whole thing, Goop's whole thing is like saying.

And essentially, for those of you that are not aware, Gwyneth Paltrow was on an episode of the art of being well and was talking about her daily routine, which involves coffee that won't spike her blood sugar, her first meal of bone broth or soup, as she called it at noon, and then eating an early dinner of lots of vegetables to fit her paleo diet, and she tries to fit an hour of movement in between her soup, quote unquote,

and her vegetables. And now, again, this works for you. Unfortunately, someone is telling you that this is enough for you to sustain your body on, and her whole thing is saying, I'm not telling people to do this. I'm just saying what works for me. But you are a wellness influences.

Yes, your job is you tell people what to do and what to do with their bodies. Yes. So don't give me this shit, quid, Paltrow. What you're doing is dangerous. Yes. And you are triggering other people. For me personally, I call those thoughts Andre. I separate it from myself.

And when Andre comes around telling you to do things, I'm like, not today, Andre. Yes. Not letting you into my brain today, Andre. Because you become, as someone that has done this before, you become obsessed with what you put into your body. And then how many years would go like, how little can I eat? Yes. Oh my God, let's see how hungry I can be today.

And that is devastating to a person's brain. Yes. Guip, you are being dangerous. I'm sorry, but you literally, your whole identity, Goop, is that you tell people what they should do for their health. So if she's going to come and say, oh, and so she has since responded and saying, well, it's because I have long COVID and I'm working on inflammation and this, like wasn't advice.

Like, I don't know. First of all. No, no, no, because then you would have been like, well, things are a little different right now because I've long COVID and so I'm like, had to change everything up. So normally it's this, but yeah, right now I'm doing this weird thing. Totally. Totally. You know what's a daily thing?

Oh, you're such a liar. Totally. And it's a slippery slope. And the next thing you know, you're going to be comparing Labrador Retrievers to Nazis. No, the American Kennel Club, the American Kennel Club. Yeah, right. And I also, I saw there's been many great, you know, dietitians and people who. who do work around deconstructing all of the internalized disorder eating things that we have,

responding to this. But the idea that, like, starving yourself as a treatment for long COVID is also a very dangerous idea to put out there. It's just like, you know. That's weird to what even is that mean? What is your long-co-I don't believe you have long-covid? I think you have constant fatigue and exhaustion because you don't take care of yourself at all. Right.

You're describing a starvation diet. If you have long-covid and you are changing it, like you said. I just cracked it. I just cracked it. She doesn't have fucking long-covid. but she thinks she does because she's not eating enough. So she thinks she has, like, fatigue from COVID. And she's constantly, obviously, we've been talking about her for a decade on this show.

She's constantly detoxing. Yeah. And, you know, it's just like, at what point, how do you, how are you detoxing when you haven't had anything toxic in 20 years? I don't get that thought process, too, where you're constantly detoxing or removing toxins and stuff. Oh, my God. This just reminds me of this one woman on baggage, the shit show we're doing a watch song. They do constant innemas all the time. because they're constantly detoxing.

And I'm just like, wait a second. Have you heard of anyone else needing regular constant innemas to be healthy? Why would you convince yourself that you're the only person who needs this constant regular treatment? Everybody else is wrong, Holder. Don't you see? It's all in the shit. So, it's literally shit. And I need to get the shit out of my body.

It's so crazy. It's like, no. We're all going to be John Poo's ass. I was going to say it's a real John Poozac situation over here. It's your already body is regulating itself. In fact, doing these things is just going to, like, throw your body off. You know what I mean? And of course, you know, we want to say, like, what...

Nobody should be telling anybody else how to eat or what to do with their bodies, right? And, like, I know a couple weeks ago, I kind of said something about Ozampic, like, and we heard from somebody who was like, I'm actually trying Osampic and it really works for me. But like... If it works for you, that's great, because they do use Ozempe as a catch-all of, like, oh, you're going to go Ozempic yourself. Where it's like, okay, this is all this hot take bullshit when it's really genuinely helping a lot of people.

And if you're under the supervision of a doctor and you're doing, right, and the person who wrote in new, like, we were talking about Hollywood people using it as an abusive weight loss tool. Yeah, I think it's more like celebs getting into it as a fad diet thing. Totally. Totally. I do still believe that is a thing and that is, ew, ew. Totally.

But yeah, it's just like, again, if the business you are in is telling people what to do with their bodies, then you go and just describe extreme disorder. eating and not to mention the rectal ozone therapy. And we please talked about the ozone therapy that she gets administered rectally, please. Yes, we may. Because, you know, the every person, you know, I'm like, I'm not feeling so good about myself and think I'm going to go get some ozone chipped up my ass. I think that's going to make me feel better because it's going to get out the demon.

Is that what, like, I literally just typed in, what is ozone? I know, I know, I know, like, you know the word ozone, right? I know that it's up yon, and I know that it's a gas of some sort. We haven't talked about it much since the 90s. It was a real, like, Jesse Spano was always talking about the hole in the ozone layer. I think maybe we fixed it. I don't think we have fixed it. I don't think that that is the case.

I'm going to guess maybe it got so big that it's on a hole anymore. It's just like the ozone, like, dapple, the dapple effect of ozone that we've got up there. Well, either way, it's going into Gweth Peltra's ass. Apparently, ozone therapy refers to the process of administering ozone gas into your body to treat a disease or wound. Now, this is not FDA approved. And I guess in my brain, what do you think? You think that somebody puts the ozone, they suck it into their mouth and they go over her asshole and blow it in? Like they're blowing up a balloon?

Well, you got to remember, she's also on several IVs. of she loves an IV, quote unquote. She just puts IVs instead of getting her nutrients from food, she gets them from an IV. So she's got several IVs going. It sounds like daily. And then she gets this ozone blasted into her ass rectally. So I, I mean, I'm saying this is someone that got vitamins injected from my doctor.

I was at the doctor last week. And she goes, do you want vitamins? And I was like, yeah, I love vitamins. That's some L.A. She said, I was like, I love vitamins, so she gave me the vitamins. And then afterwards, I was like, what is this? Why did I just injected it? Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. This is from the East Valley naturopathic doctor's website, which I'm sure these are real professionals. It should be disbarred immediately. This process involves introducing ozone into the body through the rectum. This may sound like a strange thing to do. However, ozone is easily absorbed through the walls of the colon to the blood, Ozone administration enhances oxygen utilization in the body, which improves blood flow, helps reduce inflammation, and balances the immune system.

Rectal insufflation is a minimally invasive way to use ozone in your home that is just as effective as the blood methods, but requires no needles, no syringes, no discomfort. It does require more frequent administration to get as high of a dose as blood methods. You've got to do it a lot up your butt. Best to proceed after a bowel movement. movement or enema, but not completely necessary. Attach catheter to bag containing ozone, lubricate end of catheter and anal area, lie on back or side with knees drawn towards chest.

Imagine quit of Paltrow doing this, by the way, because this is what she does. You have him up at about 90 degrees. Insert catheter, approximately four inches into rectum, unclamp, white clamp to allow gas to flow out of bag into rectum, gently roll into bag and squeeze air in over one to two minutes. I'm sorry, but shouldn't we, you know, something that I have been seeing a lot of, I follow a lot of like dietitians, people who talk about how to talk to your kids about food in healthy ways that don't perpetuate disordered eating. And one of the things that is really latching on to me is like trying to make sure that your kids have joy in food and that if they're having, you know, candy or cookies or ice cream, that they're not, that they don't think those things are bad and that it's okay if they love those things and get excited about things and that we should, if I have joy, in food and it's just always making me realize how many, how much practice you get in your life denying yourself joy around food and thinking that excitement or joy is bad. But like imagine

whatever it is that Gwendoza Peltro wants to do to her body, wanting to do this, right? Instead of, I don't know, just like having a coffee that has cream and sugar in it. Instead like, Right. It's so crazy. Also, by the way, so the way it comes across you're like, oh, she went and did this weird treatment like once. No. The recommendation is you do it once daily Monday through Friday for three weeks. Then you take one week off and then you do it one to three times a week thereafter. So if she's actually doing this the way that this is recommended, at least from this website, she's doing it very regularly and she did it very intensely at first, three weeks once a day. So one bag can be reused five times. One bag plus five catheters equals $50.

So not bad. Not bad. Everybody can do it. Yeah, anybody can do it. Put on your cockroach hat, get your knees up to your neck, and start getting ready for some ozone. Jackie, will you receive ozone rectal treatment for the sake of the show? Well, it'll be so much content. You couldn't stop the content from flowing from that.

What if we got you a group on, like a group on ozone rectal therapy? I mean, I do love. Yeah. What if we get it funded by chat? I do love it to be, yeah, cheap. I mean, if I got a coupon, if there's a coupon for it, yeah, no, of course I'll try it. I don't think I'm going to. I don't think I want to.

And would you guys try it? Let's say it's free. Let's say you're getting paid $50, all right? So it's not a lot of money, but it's 50 more dollars than you had. What would you, like, would you do it? I mean, this goes into a weird thing for me. I think maybe after a visit from the doctor this year, because I'm 40 now, so I think I need to finally pop my butthole cherry.

Yeah. Because like this speaks towards that for me, Jack, this is a sacred, encaged beast down there that's never been manipulated at all, digitally anything. Set it free, man. You can set it free. This is a crazy way to break it in. Just going from zero to once a day, four inches.

Don't set it free with an unregulated drug shot directly into your ass. There are more fun ways. to get your ass cherry puff. It will be into a skeleton man, like it has turned Gwitteth Paltrow into a skeletoness, then I might have to do it. I would love to click and clack my bones

at the Halloween party this year. Holden. If I ever tell you you're looking more like goop, I think you should really think about something in your life. You're becoming two-dimensional. Whoa, are you a piece of paper, man? It's like I know that probably a lot of people

who were teenagers when that quote, who was it the celebrity who said nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels? It's like, does being skinny feel good enough to put something four inches up your ass while your legs are in the air every day? Feels pretty good. It feels pretty good.

Like, I don't think that we should aspire for things. I don't agree with that, by the way. Yeah. I feel like I'm on my weight. I'm currently on my weight loss journey and this is not true. It feels really good. Yeah.

Eaton is great, man. Yeah. It tastes so good. Kate Moss. Kate Moss. And she has, she has expressed. deep regret over saying it.

So that's good. But it is one of those thoughts. If you are somebody who was struggling with disorder to get a time, you hear that thought, and it just burrows its way into your brain and you never let go of it. Oh my God. That ruined my brain. I think about it all the time. I still remember it word for work.

Because it was something that was put into. Yes. Yeah. I am including, I'm putting something in our chat here because I think that you should read the headline for the first time with me because I saw the headline next to. to our Goop article. And it just made me smile because the article is titled

Fan Poops in Isle Near Hillary and Chelsea Clinton at Broadway. Oh my God. Dude, the key is the Broadway show. You're pooping in the aisle. At a Broadway show. A Broadway show is one of the more like elegant, amazing.

It's not like the opera, but it is very fans. It is, you walk into a Broadway theater. You're like, you know you feel it you know you're up Broadway is it really? Is that something like it? And the first line of the article is some like it dot dot dot steaming hot.

Yeah, of course. It's already written for you. It's also great because there's a photo of Hillary and Chelsea with their playbill. It's like, woo, we're at the show. And it's hilarious to think of them taking that. Like somebody took a big shit here. I mean, I like to imagine that this was somebody

like making some sort of very progressive political point, but it was probably the opposite. It was probably if somebody was taking a poop to make a point. My assumption is that it was some sort of like butter emails maga man. But maybe it was just a pointless shit that didn't have any politics to it. That would also be fun. Oh, I'm sad because I thought, like I saw it said page six here is that a serial pooper has been stalking the halls of the legendary Schubert theater, but it's not.

There's not a serial pooper. It's a sad old person incident. That's what that is. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. Oh, then that's sad. I didn't read the article. It's not a political press.

But I love that there were two turns for a second. I really thought it was a political president because there were exactly two turns sitting right next to them. So I thought they were saying like, you're a couple fun. You're a couple of years. It's not a sad person. No, it's a sad reason that I didn't read through the article, but just fan poops and aisle near Hillary and Chelsea Clinton at Broadway show just got.

man, sometimes headlines just, oh, I get got. The first insider says that after the most recent incident, and eyewitness, quote, spoke to the house manager who said it was actually the fourth time it happened. That sounds like a serial pooper. It does sound like a serial pooper. What is going on? Wow. So one of the comments, because this is page six, it wasn't close enough if it wasn't in their lap.

Oh, my God. See, again, this is, you could have people from all sides of the political spectrum who actually do. think that those two deserve to have some of poop here. And I'm sure, she's allegedly probably murdered some people who knows. But people hate Hillary Clinton, man. Jesus Christ. Yeah. People hate her for the wrong reasons, even though there's plenty of right reasons.

I love it, that. They all fucking hate her for the wrong fucking reasons. I hate her for the right fucking reasons that stupid lady. But I'm not saying anyone should take a dump next to her, okay? No, no one should do that. Keep your dumps. It doesn't matter how many, you know, nameless, faceless people she has slaughtered by her use of power, all right?

I mean, it's, it's completely, you know. She was the Secretary of State, you know, she got to have some blood on her hands. Don't put some shits next to her, though. Don't take a dump near her. Not at the Schumer Theater, not during some like it hot. Oh, God. It's so, some like it's steaming hot.

I'm only sad that they didn't step in it, said Carolyn 46. And then razor back posted under that comment, it wouldn't bother Hill the hag. She's usually up to her neck in the same. stuff. People are so funny with their political hate in comments. It's so funny. God, how angry are you?

What is going? I hate to use the phrase touch grass that's so ever used lately. But man, God, get out of this house. You're in. Something's wrong. Move. Move somewhere. You're in the wrong town. It snows too much or it rains too much

or whatever it is. You don't like the people in the town. Get out of the town. There's no way you hate this person that much genuinely. You definitely have issues. I think it's honestly what MJ was saying earlier. I think that it's just like a lot of joy has been sucked out of many things.

And these people don't have enough joy in their life. Yeah. We'll find some joy, will you? You got to find some joy. Get out some crayons. Draw a picture. I don't know. Do something.

Talking to a fan like Chris Farley does. Go, la, la, la, le, lo, lo, and make yourself just smile. Here's a good comment. This is a good comment that brings joy of the world from aspiring rappers, 16 hours ago on page six. That's a tough act to follow. Yeah. There you go.

That's what we're looking for here. There you go. Nice little zinger. Doesn't know one's hurt by it. That's just a tough act to follow. Yes. And it may not be coming out of your butt, but it might be going into your mouth.

Yeah, we're talking about Diplo, talking about oral sex with men. Did you like that? Yeah, that was a good segue. We'll call that a good sense. I was going with it. And I saw the look of just absolute astonishment on your face, MJ, about like, what the fuck is Jackie about to say?

I'm looking at the list of articles you said. I'm thinking what could go out of your butt and into your mouth. And it is a dick. Yes, it is. And we are talking about Diplo has said publicly that, like, he's gotten 100% sure that he's received a blow job from a guy before. I don't know if it's gay unless you make eye contact while the blow. job is happening is what he has said he's getting a lot of getting a blow job's not that gay I think

and you know what I'm with you diplo I fucking understand I like where he's coming from I like I like yeah I think he's speaking towards and I believe it too I don't even think he's like being like in denial or whatever no he says I think he's referring to a lot of group sex incidents because I'm going to go ahead and guess they're like one of the most popular successful DJs in the world been a part of a lot of rooms full of people fucking situations. Yeah, I love how he's like, I can't even confirm or deny if I've gotten my deck stuck by a guy, but it probably has happened. It was a sea of mouths. Yeah.

Just swarming around the eye. Sure. I actually feel like this is like, I really like this whole, I like everything he says. I feel like it's not gay if you look him in the eye is like actually the least kind of open thing he says because that, you could imagine like a teenage straight boy saying that and being like, oh, it's okay if you look him not. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, When I just saw that quote, I was like, that seems like a little slightly homophobic. But the whole, everything else. Everything else.

He's just like, I'm not gay. And he says, there's hot guys. I think there's probably, I don't know if that's going to be the thing that is going to set me over into the gay side totally. But he says that he could imagine, like, he thinks guys are sexy. He says there's been times that he's found a guy that he could imagine being a life partner with. Like, it's actually so open and accepting. But then it also is just like, eh, it's not gay if I don't look. You know, so it's like, and he also said masculinity is a prison.

So it's like this fascinating little look into this like deeply desirable, uh, mostly straight identifying person who also is like kind of just busting the door down in terms of being like, yeah, I think I might like to get my dick sucked by whatever gender. And I kind of like it. But also I'm not going to say I'm gay, but I'm not going to say I'm not gay. It's a kind of fascinating little view into how fluid and flexible, um, you know, a mostly straight man can be. I just really love the part because the sound clip is just, like, it's not gay unless you make

eye contact during the blowjob. Like, that's all people are talking about. Right. But I think, like you said, MJ, the rest of the stuff that he's saying is very important. I love that he says, like, he's not that aroused by men, but he's much more of a vibe guy over gender. I love that. I love.

Yeah, vibe guy. I like that. I completely, I completely identify with Diplo in this. And I think it's an important good conversation to have. Totally. The fact that he, and the fact that it's so great that he's so open to it. And I feel like he is,

I don't even know how old Diplo is. Let me look this up because I feel like this is something that like, he seems like he's more our age. And I feel like, yeah, oh, he's 44. Wow. Man, he looks great. Is he eating bone bra? He's 40.

More like, like bone, bro. Roth, am I right? Yeah. You are right. Well, he also did just run the L.A. marathon in less than four hours. Damn. Dude.

Well, whatever he's doing, it's working for him. Well, now I'm just looking at pictures of Diplow. I'm just distracted at how good Diplow looks. Lost myself thinking about, because then I saw a picture of Orville Tech and Diplow, and then I'm like, yeah, I'll watch that tape. Can we see this tape? Where's that tape? Yeah, I will absolutely watch that tape.

But how different would our lives. Like, imagine when we were teenagers If we saw A famous and beloved, you know, straight man say something like this. Like, I'm more of a vibe guy over gender. My entire brain would have been more open

than it was in the entire four years of high school just by hearing. Think about, like, yes. Like, exactly. Think about if Sam Neal said that. If Sam Neal said that around the time of Jurassic Park, I would have been like, slip.

Yay! Going down the slide of, I love, vibes. I don't care what you got. Like, this is what I, what I was jokingly saying that the French bulldog is queering our nation. Like I actually, one of the things that's so frustrating about the drag backlash and all these horrific anti-trans bulls going on is that like, I don't know if I'm right about this, but the sense that I get is that we really are like youth especially, not fully, but for the most part,

really are just so much queer, so much more open-minded and so many of these boundaries that we all lived in for so long are coming down. And everything that we're seeing is a reaction to that, right? And this is just like a fantastic example of that. Like I'm more of a vibe guy over gender. It's just such a fantastic thing for a guy who mostly fucks women to say, you know? Yeah. I love it.

Holden's just, hold is just a vibing by himself over there. I feel like are you also looking at pictures of Diplo? Oh, yeah, dude. I want to feast on his arms, his upper arms. on his upper arms. Okay, yeah. No, yeah, I mean, I, well, you just brought up the trans.

I mean, I just can't believe it. Or the, not trans stuff, the drag stuff. I just can't believe any of that. It's so, crazy. Because I always thought, I'm like, I just became, like, a huge fan of drag. Like, I'm, like, watch every season of Drag Race. So it's funny. I think it's, and it's how privileged I am.

It's one of the first times people are going after something I'm, like, a massive fan of. You know what I mean? Why, lots of people hate Swifties. Could you imagine there was like anti T Swift legislation? Oh my great. And I'd known about it. Like we've, on which is the bruiser,

we did. I mean, I can't, and you look back, you're like, I can't believe this was the thing. I liken the drag issue to the satanic panic around Dungeons and Dragons.

100%. It's so embarrassing and stupid and completely ignorant. Yes. And just like, so, such a waste of time that we're all going to look back on and be like, how embarrassing were these, fucking losers.

Absolutely. Wasting all their time trying to ban Mortal Kombat or ban Dungeons and Dragons under these completely illegitimate, totally just uneducated understanding of them.

Yeah, totally. The trans panic, which is intertwined with the drag panic, is totally the satanic panic. Really, you think that there's just like a secret cabal of like trans women who are grooming children in secret,

Returning them all. Ridicrous. And by the way, you're not wrong about there being a cabal, and I'm not saying anything new here. But it's in the Catholic church, bro. Not fucking, like, in fact, a lot of drag queens like hate kids. They think they hilariously dulled joy children's, the presence of children. So it's kind of opposite of anything when it comes to that stuff.

And then the other part where it's like the idea that they just think it's a one-to-one of like what kind of performance that would happen at one in the most. morning for a bachelorette party at a drag club is going to be the same exact thing that they're going to do for kids at a library on a Sunday after day. It's so insane. And I even saw a really blue comic on Twitter going off about how they also don't trust that and the drag queen book reading thing for their kid. And I'm just like, that's literally like saying you would go to a book reading for your

child's class and do your material you do with the fucking, you know, at the fucking, well, they didn't get past the cellar, but whatever shit room you're in at one in the morning. I mean, it's like, how do you not see that? Like, how do you not see the one to one there? Like that, you know, it's just so funny. It's just like, you know, I don't know. I could go off for, for it. It's so crazy to see it.

And it's so unfortunate that the human psyche exists like this a lot. There's a lot of empathetic people who fight for everyone. But, you know, it's like the blood doesn't get. boiling until someone's coming after something that you, like, genuinely love. And, and I feel personally attacked. I took Winnie to Rupal's DragCon last year. And we attended, like, there is a children's section,

and they were doing Drag Queens to hosting readings. And, you know, it's just so, so I'm like, wow, they're really, like, they really hate me. Yeah, they would actually, right. Like, people would actually think that you're a bad father for taking your baby to a drag con. Fucking crazy to me. Yeah.

You know? Because it's like, just, guys. Oh, just go and see it and be a part. You know what I mean? And I think ignorant, I think when you said ignorant, that is the key way. Yeah, totally. So it's so ridiculous and disgusting. No idea what's going on.

And DragCon had some, you know, had some pretty flamboyant like stuff, people wearing some crazy gear and stuff like that. But on a, at a library on a Saturday afternoon, especially, no one's showing up with, like, their fake, like, their plastic tits out of their dress doing, like, boner material. You know what I mean? They're reading, you know, don't let the pigeon drive the bus in a beautiful dress with a beautiful face of makeup. Just like a princess would or a clown wood. Wait a second, who's letting pigeons drive the bus?

Mo Willems is letting them drive the bus. Oh my God. That's what I have to. I take umbrage with. Get those pigeons out of that bus driver's seat. That's putting the kids at risk. It's so funny, man. And it's such a waste of time that there is a lot of evil shit going on too.

Very much. There is so much heinous shit going on. that you could absolutely be fighting for in the name of your religion. You know what I mean? And it's just such a waste of time. Yeah, like Milf Manor, you know, go ahead, fight against Milf Manor. We finished the last night. It's done.

It's done. It's done. I thought, you know what, came in like a lion, went out like a lamb. Just like the, I was bored. The last episode was extremely borough snoro. Very boring. They did not know how to end it. And it just was so uncomfortable.

Like it just, and it still managed to continue to be uncomfortable. Like, geez, every now and you're just like, he's so young. He's so young. And she's so, oh. Yeah. No, it didn't, it didn't, like, write any wrongs. It just left in a boros nor it. It wasn't like, oh, you know what?

We probably shouldn't have had a 20-year-old on this show. Instead, it was just like, yeah, I'm 20, and I'm still look like a child. That's what I would see in reality now is, if it's especially trashy, the very last episode's just the producers apologizing for what they did. Like, we made a big mistake. Sorry, we did this. Yeah, we shouldn't have. Have you had the pan-y episode, may have gone a little too far.

This is one of the only shows where for a reunion episode, I don't want any of the cast. I just want the people behind the camera to sit on couches and just be interviewed. Of no other show. Weeping. Yeah, just being like, for their guilt. So what were you thinking when like, yeah, you decided to have them all like give each other massages? Like, did you want to throw up? Like, we wanted to throw up.

When the boys were massaging their own mothers and their mothers were moaning in sexual ecstasy, Is that something that you felt proud of? Is that why you got into this business? It's the only reality show I watched where I did not choose to follow anyone on Instagram because I don't want to know what they're doing. No. Because they're all perverts. Well, there's no way any of them stay together.

And I love the fact, too, that, you know, all they had to do is like try. I mean, there's no way they probably could have cast this using just one town because, like, they probably did just get the five mother-son teams that were willing to do this. But, yeah, it's like they all live completely other sides of the country, too. So there's extra no way any of these people are going to stay together. Unlike if they did like, hey, it's it's Milf Manor, Atlanta, Milf Manor, Miami, you know what I mean? Or whatever. Instead, one person inevitably lives in like L.A.

and another person lives in Miami or whatever it is, right? So it's just like, oh, so you're going to be in a long-distance relationship at the age of 55 with a 20-year-old boy. That is, okay. It's going places, guys. How dare you try to break their love? Oh, my God. And how dare I not introduce? I got on my high horse.

Let me get off. All right, Nippers. I'm going to get off of you now. Okay. Thank you, Nippers. Bye, nippers. Everybody, hit me with the share. Do you believe it?

Did Jeremy Rinner lie about his recovery journey? No. No. But I'm running out of them. Wow. Are we, say, are we, like, going to be truthers about the snowplow? Allegedly, they're making. have been false

knees about the... No, this is completely unhinged. Mag, you're unhinged, allegedly. I'm going to go ahead and allege things about the person who wrote this, and said that the conspiracy itself. Okay, we don't believe and you're unhinged allegedly.

Let's get into it. Hi, this is my first time writing in as I'm a huge fan of conspiracies, but like in a healthy way, not like a flat-earther way. I am thrilled to finally have one to write to you about. I don't know.

This one's a little... I don't know. We want to support this person. They're writing it for the first time. We love you and we love your theory. We love you, yes. Thank you. Thank you.

To a degree. Okay. We all know Jeremy Ritter was seriously injured on January 1st in a snowplow accident. From everything I read at the time, he suffered traumatic injuries to the chest and to at least one of his legs and needed multiple surgeries to put himself back together. Report said his leg was crushed in the accident. There even were rumors on Twitter that he was going to need to get one or both amputated. Fast forward to January 21, three weeks after his accident,

he posted Instagram saying he broke 30 plus bones that he's healing and will come back stronger. Yet, in this photo, there is not a cut, a scrape, or even a cast in sight. There's a small bandage on his left foot, but does this look like a man who has 30 plus broken bones? Does this even look like Jeremy Ritter? Awful suspicious since the photo doesn't even show his face. Whoa. Anyway, maybe the perception that he's recovering swiftly matters to him for some reason, Marvel Money, perhaps. Thanks for reading and thank you so much for your love of cats 2019.

You make me feel less alone. Okay, bye. And so if you want to, if you don't remember here, I'll link the Instagram for, I mean, you know, it's a, I feel like it's a, I feel like it's a dingo-h-all baby situation. Like, you know, I feel like at the end of the day, you don't know what that looks like because you've never been through something like that. that, but I don't see a cast. I don't see a scrape. The dingo really did eat the baby. And the dingo really did eat the baby.

And Jeremy Renner, I'm going to have to give him the benefit of the doubt that he really did get horribly injured and had a miraculous recovery in just three weeks. Yeah. What do you think? We have to admit that it's, it makes sense that there's a conspiracy theory around it. Especially when it comes to Marvel money and him having to get back up that I do wonder that like that maybe they are in. encouraging him to be like, you're doing really well. Let everyone know you're doing really well. So maybe it's one of those kind of things.

Totally. I definitely think he got run over by the plow though. I was going to say a reindeer, but I was thinking of grandma. Raner got run over by a reindeer. Yeah, man, walking. Yeah, he was all over at our house Christmas Eve, man. Chris Evans left a nice little comment. He said, that's one tough MFer.

Has anyone even checked on the snows? No, can't. Sending so much love. Wow. Oh, that's nice, Chris Evans. That's great, Chris Evans. What a little cutie. I think it does look like,

I will say, in this picture that you send, it does look like his legs are fairly atrophied, though. Yeah. As if he's not been walking on them for weeks. Yeah, I think if anything, I think. Whatever, Jackie, you're getting paid by Big Marvel. Yeah, oh, if I was getting paid by Big Marvel,

I wouldn't be sitting here with my cockroach hat on. She'd have a nicer bucket hat. Yeah, you'd have like a crazy good hat. No, you'd be sitting there. You just have that crazy good bucket hat. It would be huge, too. But yeah, I think I'm with Jackie. I think the kernel of truth to this conspiracy theory is that probably if you are a celebrity

and you are horribly injured in a snowplow, freak snowplow accident, it is probably in your financial and career best interest to be like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm totally fine. I am not permanently disabled because, of course, Hollywood has no idea what to do with you if you are disabled. And so that is the kernel of truth that makes sense that maybe Jeremy, you're not. Runner is like, has to be, like Jackie said, has to be like, I am good. My leg is not crushed by a snowplow. I have made a miraculous recovery.

Yeah, Jeremy, we're going to need you to, I'm going to need you to fail walking on your legs in a video for us to bring you. So can you please send us a video of you trying to get out of bed and collapsing to the floor in agony? And then maybe we'll believe it if the acting isn't too obvious. I think he actually got horribly injured back. I really appreciate you writing it for the first time, though. Much love.

And, you know, back to the drawing board. I love it. I love the conspiracy theory, though. Your head is in the right place. Absolutely. Is it though? This person is sane and well-adjusted? Because I want to see where their brain goes when they create more conspiracy theories.

Right. We got to try to plod them further into it. Keep them coming for sure. Yeah, thank you so much. So I guess I mean, I guess it's time for the list. Oh! Who's on the list? Yeah, got to have that list.

Celebrity name change backstories. There was quite a few in here that I don't think I look into people's name changes too often. And this, I had no idea. Leonardo DiCaprio, old 25-year-old fucker himself, first name was inspired by none other than Leonardo da Vinci. While his mother was pregnant with DeCaprio, she and his father were looking at one of DaVinci's paintings. when little DeCaprio started kicking furiously, his father then decided that Leonardo would be a good name. Now, that is not a name change.

I was going to say, they're really starting it off. Not a name change. Very, very poorly. That's just the name. His name came from. That's just how you name a baby. You get an idea, and then you have the baby, and then you name the baby. Jackie, but what is, because I know for a while you were making us refer to you as Jackie

fierce. Was that inspired by Beyonce or was that your own doing? No, that was like my own thing. That was like, like, I don't take anything from Beyonce. Really? So it was like right after the Sasha Fier's album came out and you kept like doing the dance moves from the music videos. That's like me. Actually, she took it from me. Yeah.

And that was very, and I had the flute and it was like a whole thing. Yeah. And then we were like, are you just doing Lizzo? Because now you're just trying to play flutes like on stage during performances. Like right after Lizzo started doing it. The flutes name is Sasha B flutin. So I feel like that is, uh, that's part of my. Your journey.

Yeah. Yeah, and my journey. Thank you for understanding where I come from in this, though. I will say on the leftovers, we are going to, speaking of Bay, we are going to be talking about swarm. So hold on to your butts. And if you're not watching swarm, everyone should be watching swarm. Hell yeah. Anyway.

Oh, by the, Leftovers, pager. com, forward slash page seven podcast if you like to support that. Leftovers is our bonus episode every week. We talk about the articles that didn't make it in the show. Back to you, Jackie. Robert Downey Jr., also another, not really a name change. My real name is Robert Elias. The Iron Man Star revealed that his father, filmmaker Robert Downey, Sr., changed his name so he could join the army as a minor.

This makes no sense. Change his name so they could, I mean, I know that, like, my dad also signed up for the Navy as a minor and, like, had to do some, like, weird shit to be able to sign up. So you have to do it so that they can't, I guess, like, I'm assuming can't, like, find, like a bird. I see. So then they just take you in. This is, I don't think it works like this anymore. Probably not. I think it's been quite some time since it's worked like this.

So I think he just shifted his name so that they wouldn't be able to find him so that he could enlist. This makes me just so jealous sometimes of the old timey days. Yeah, I'm like, I love the army and I love, you know, fatigues and being fatigued. I love it and I love, you know, my big guns

that I have and everything, you know. Life or death situation. Everything about it. Oh, yeah. No, just how back in the day you could be like, I'm no longer a podcaster named Holden. I'm now a cheesemonger named Simple Stephen. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And you just like could just do it. Fucking completely change your life at a moment's notice. I know. And you probably wouldn't get found out by simply just literally traveling to the next town over. You didn't even have to go very far away. You know, it just, it's, it was a simpler time. I feel like gone are the days where you can have a.

secret second family. And isn't that sad? You know, our grandparents, they could have as many families as they want. We didn't have to know. The first original wife doesn't have to know about it. And I feel like that's something that's going by the wayside. And isn't that sad. No one gets two full Christmases anymore, you know? And that's a bummer. Diplo was not the only heterosexual man to discover that you can be a little bit gay, but all those other guys just had a secret, you know, gay family on the set. It's just secret, you know. So some of the secrets are being unearthed here on our list, including which I genuinely did not know, Alicia Beth Moore, also known as Pink, got her stage name from Mr. Pink in Reservoir Dogs because she shared

the Steve Buscemi character's sassy and smart ass attitude. Yeah, that's nice. It may also, this is weird though. It may also be due to a bullying incident where her pants were pulled down in public and everyone made fun of her pink buttcheats. Okay, is it one? or the... I think it's the first one. Two completely different things. Very different ones. Is she actually...

Now I don't believe this list at all. Is she even a fan of reservoir dogs? Now I need to know. But I will say, I hope that's true. I wore out my reservoir dogs VHS in high school. Like, I... That was like my favorite movie back in the day. So I'm a huge fan of Steve Buschemy in it as Mr. Pink.

Does this make you like Pink more? Does it make you think about her pink butt cheeks that she's being bullied? Everybody says always the same thing. Like, she does all those aerial stunts in her live show, and it's incredible. She's pure muscle. It's all muscle. She uses every muscle.

She's like a horse. She uses every muscle in her body unit. She's like, I know, I know. She does the aerial stuff. It's very cool. Yeah, she's great. I think it's illegal for me to be like, I think she's slightly borough snor-o. So I'm going to say she's really awesome and everything she does.

It's amazing. I mean, I would say illegal when it comes to your number one allegiance. yes, because I think that there could be some aspersions cast towards my number one for being both snorro and borough. I didn't say it. She's a bit of an Aurora Borough Alice. Oh yeah, a little bit. And you know what, this made me think of you,

and this is part of the reason why I chose this list today, Two Chain's initial rap name was Titty Boy. Nice. And that's because he was the only breastfed child in his face. family. That's great. But according to him, two chains was a more kid-friendly name and expressed his interest in jewelry. Yeah, Titty Boy. Titty Boy made me think. I love the idea of everyone in the family just calling the baby Titty Boy because he's a nurse. I think that's great. I think I need to, yeah, probably go with that if I do get back into the hip-hop game, which I was considering, I was going to go

with Holden Fierce, but I think I'm going to go with Titty Boy. Yeah. Well, because you know that it would be stealing from me and you don't want to steal for me. And the flu. And the flu. and the other two women. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But also then there was one for you, MJ. Ace of Cake star Duff Goldman got his nickname when his big brother couldn't say his real name calling him Duffy as a baby instead of Jeffrey,

which is adorable. Yeah, that's cute. And you know that my allegiances will always lie with the cake boss and not with the Ace of Cakes. Yes. Even though the cake boss has done several very questionable things and I should probably...

Choose Ace of Cakes, maybe. I should probably choose Ace of Cakes. You know, Ace of Cakes is really his stars rising. He's a judge on all the baking championship shows now. And I've come around to the Ace of Cakes. And it's cute. Everyone has these cute little stories. Like I have a friend whose name is Alexandra, but she goes by Sasha because her brother

couldn't say Alex. And like, I like that when you get a lifelong nickname from a two-year-old, you know, just because the two-year-old can't say your name. I think that's cute. I mean, we called, I called Henry Buddy for a really long time because I couldn't say Henry. So he was our, he was just called Buddy for a very long time. Oh, he should be Buddy Zabrowski. That would be a great stage. Yeah. All right, I'll tell him to get on it. Say, change it up. Bring it back. Now this, I had this revelation. I think

I talked about it on Ice Planet Barbarians, which also you can go check that out over on our Patreon where I read to you, Ice Planet Barbarians. Charlotte Emma Aitchinson couldn't think of a good stage name. So she picked her MSN's screen name, Charlie XCX, which stuck after she got famous. Was it Charlie X-C-X? Because X-C-X sounds like you're spelling S-E-X, but it's not. That's what I always thought was. I had no idea until I said it aloud.

And then I was like, oh, my God, she was probably doing the thing, like, when I was Evil Duck 59, because it was close to 69, but it wasn't 69. That's what a young person does where X-E-X sounds like sex. That's awesome. I love that. I love it. And that's my list for you guys. today.

Hey, the list is a dog. Chris Pratt? Yeah. Chris Pratt. How did you get here? How did you get here? That's the voice he's going with. Everybody knows what everybody knows.

And oh, don't you lord what you know over everyone. Is that amazing for you? But what you don't know is this. I think I'm going. Blind. I know. Oh, we can't see him. Yeah, whatever.

This A-List singer slash actress has a tracker on her actor husband's phone so she can see where he is 247. Who's the funniest? J-Lo. Yes. J-Lo Ben Affleck, man, you give the best blinds, dude. They're always innocuous. They're net. Like, most blinds are like too dark. It's like who knows this housewife from this one housewife show. But man, J-Lo and Ben just, just regularly give good blind. They really have such a complicated relationship. I want to just be so happy. for them that they're back together after all this time.

And then every blind is like, they hate each other. No, they love children. Have you ever seen Ben Affleck in any photo he's ever in? That is part of it. That's what he loves to live in. He wants that sad Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Jackie, what are we going to say? I was going to say, I started looking up that, like, I think that they are genuinely. I think that she is just fairly controlling, but I think he loves it. Exactly. And doesn't that not work? like if both people are consenting and like he's down like he's into the like being like having a mommy and I think that that's like great for them exactly I'm happy for that he gets the text like Duncan donuts again I thought we were choosing better coffee alternatives and he just lights a cigarette

and sips on his Duncan and just goes man she always look at what I do and that's like he loves he lives he wants that he craves that type of energy yeah you know what I mean also he did clarify finally what they were talking about at the Grammys when she was looking like she was scolding him when they didn't know that they were being shot and apparently Ben Affleck said I saw Noah approach and I was like oh God they were framing us in the shot

but I didn't know that they were rolling I leaned into her and I was like as soon as they start rolling I'm gonna slide away from you and leave you sitting next to Trevor Affleck explained and then she goes you better fucking not leave and that's what they caught him or saying to, which also, that's just like cute interaction to have caught.

Yeah. Okay, that's, all right. He likes to be dominated in a, like, you're a sad boy. I'll tell you what to do way. I'll tell you what to do. And she's just so, oh my God, she doesn't even drink caffeine. Can you imagine looking like her that she doesn't even drink caffeine? How does she do it?

I know, I know Holden you think she's Starbucks, but I love her. I didn't, okay? I did not. I live and die by the blade. Honestly, I do. That's why you should enlist. I think that you live and you die by the blade and I think that you are who I want

protecting me. Thank you, all right. I'm not saying anything. I'm thinking about my fucking blade right now to have to clean it and sharpen it in order. I'm not thinking about J-Lo. I don't call it anyone's Starbucks. I love to do that if she's Starbucks

and Spinnaplex's Dunkin' Donuts, they make a perfect pair. Yeah. They make a cute pair. I like that they're sorry. Starbucks is good. My favorite pop star slash singer slash artist slash woman of all time. And yes, I'm considering my wife

when I say this. Starbucks. Taylor Swift is Starbucks. Taylor Swift is Starbucks. This, all right, by the way, this is in the category of I'd watch that tape. Ooh, okay.

This A-List actor with one step out of the closet sure has been spending a lot of time with this A-List actor who has its entire body firmly still in the closet. One is like the actor these days. other one is in the shallows. Fucker.

Oh, Bradley Cooper. We all know. Bradley Cooper. Just get out of that closet. We're here for you. And who's number one? Who's number one? Numer uno actor these days.

Pedro Pascal. Oh, would you watch that day? Holy! Holy! I'm sliding down. Given to me. I'm sliding forever. I should have kept the link because this will

hoten it up even more. They were loosely spotted. going to Beyonce and Jay-Z's post-Oscars party together. And they do kind of look like they're on a little bit of a date. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wow. Oh, yeah, I'm yipping for it.

That really steps up Bradley Cooper from what I'm going to say is like a B in my head to an A. Yes. That is an upgrade. You're 100% because he's not my type on his own. Bradley Cooper plus Pedro Pascal, though. Right? I'll be in the splash zone. I'm ready.

But at that point, it's like, why wouldn't you, well, there's so many reasons why you wouldn't want to come out. But I just like, but you'd be such a, it's such a hit now in a lot of ways. But I guess only in this one Hollywood bubble. But everyone would be like, yeah. You don't mean? It would be like a parade for them. Yes, that is like the most exciting way to come out is to be like,

oh, I'm in a relationship with the man everyone on earth is in love with. Oh my God. Come on. It's a no-brainer. I know. But you got to deal with your first. family. Yeah, I guess.

Society. This is our final blind for the day. Everybody get ready. Clutch your pearls. Fix your monicles. Glue your monocles back together. The 10-minute version of a song got sung last night,

but there are thoughts of making it regular length or so two or three other songs can be included in the show. T. Tate. All too well. Yeah. She did all 10 minutes of it.

That's a little bit like doing Paradise by the dashboard. Let a character. You don't want to do a 10-minute version. I will say, yeah. I was like, okay, here's the timeline on this. She mentioned that there was like a 10-minute version with curse bombs, F-E curse bombs in it. Way long ago in, like, interviews.

Everyone's like, what's this version? I got to hear this version. Then she puts out her version of Red and she ends it with a bang with the 10-minute version. We're like, we get to hear the 10-minute version. Then we hear the version. Then she's like, all right, now I'm going to play it like a lot. You're like, wait, wait, wait, wait. I like the, I think, am I the only, am I going to get, I'm probably going to get cursed or something or people put snakes in my mailbox or something.

I think I like the simpler version better at the end of the day. I mean, there's some cool little insights in the 10 minute long version about like what her relationship was like with, what's his name with Spider-Man or whatever. Jake, with Jake. Oh, is it not Spider-Man. It's Jay, it's Jay, with, Donnie Darko. Donnie Darko, whatever, right? It gives you some more insights in that. He had the fuck the patriarchy. bracelet or whatever, what the shirt or whatever it was, you know what I mean, which is all bullshit. He was a quote unquote feminine. You know, when a guy wears a shirt saying they're a feminist, usually they're super not,

secretively, but... It's true. Anyway, that's the whole thing. It's true. But, you know, at the end of the day, I think I'd like the actually the paired down one that they went with, like, for the, you know, that they, you know, because that's what you do, you take a long... Yeah, and you take the best parts. And then you go, chip, chip, chip, chip,

and then you get the core of it. Yeah. You get the bet, and then you put it in, right? And now, and then I saw it was like, all too L. 10 minute version. I was like, really? I was like, I agree. Get a couple more songs there. There's only, and so really I'm just bringing it up so I can complain. There's only one song from Speak Now.

I think Speak Now is an amazing album. I think I like it better than fearless. There's only one song. Enchanted is the only song. I also want to throw it out there in case you didn't know and you don't care and you're like, whatever right now, you're literally melding whatever right now in your car on the way to Walmart. She's also doing two surprise acoustic songs. different every night.

She's doing one on piano and one on guitar. So far it's been Mirabal and this is me trying and she did Kin McGraw, what's his name? Biff McGrawl, whatever his stupid name is from her self-titled.

Tim McGraw? Tim McGraw from her self-titled. Biff and McGraw. She's done from her first album so far and I forgot what the other one is that she did, but she did another one. And she's going to do a completely different two songs every single night. I read this somewhere though, unless she fucks the song up,

then she'll do it again. But that's insane. Because how many shows did she book? I love her. Look at how Holden's coming alive. I'm so happy for Holden that he has this. I think that it's nice. Everyone should have something. And this is why I say this, you got to have something to look forward to. Yeah. Book buy that ticket. Whatever it is. Or don't buy it. If it's not a money thing, plan that trip. You know what I mean? Or do something. Paint a little clown. on the tip of your penis something. Or go to the dog park. Go to the dog park and call them all Nazis.

No. Do something. Start a rant about eugenics at the dog park. Curb stop some dog a dog airsts in the dog park. Start a fight at the dog park. We all need some joy in our lives. Oh, that's how I mean. Oh, those fucking enablers, huh?

All those dog park people. But anyways, I love you, Taylor. and I love everything about you. And I especially love the part where people are so, like, upset, too, I'm talking about it. So I love all of it. And back to you, we blinds.

Can you see again? Me see. Welcome back. You have to be able to see so they can go see Tay. Yeah. You have to get yourself ready. Are you going to be frothing until you go see her? I haven't picked out my look yet,

and people are posting their looks on, like, the Taylor Swift. I think I'm just, I told my brother texted me was like, you're going to post your look to the Taylor Swift subreddit like everyone's doing that you're planning to wear. And I was like, I think I'm just going to take a picture of all of the edibles I plan to eat on the way to the show. I'm like, that's my like this. Because I'm going to be wearing like, I'm going to probably be dumpy for this.

I guess I'll dress up. No, you have to dress up. You better get a brand new fit, bro. So enchanted to me. Are you going to wear a Taylor shirt to the concert or is that to, is that cringe? I don't know. I don't use. I'm a PCU fan and I'm not a big fan of wearing the shirt of the person I love of the concert.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I always thought that was against the rules, but you got a lot of good tailor shirts. But I also feel like the rules change when it comes to Teaswell show. Scream the songs out loud while she sings them unabashedly. Wear the teach.

That's why one of the things I love is she's so Starbucks and she's so, like, lame and whatever in all these ways that you can just lean into that and be like actually not a snoot. It's like the opposite of like the types of indie shows that I went to in, you know, my 20s, in New York City, right?

It's like there's no posing. You are, we're all posing, you know? Well, I did see a TikTok of somebody who dressed as a cat, like from Cats' Cats for their favorite Taylor era. So you could do that too. Maybe I'll confuse everyone, just wear a dog costume. No, we have the cat costume at least,

but then do the actual prosthetic on your face. People all think, oh, it's aggressive because she's such a cat person if I wore a dog costume, it would be very aggressive. Yeah, you don't want to be aggressive at the Tay concert. Lord help you. I mean, then they're going to turn on you.

Lord knows I will be like removed, eradicated from the stadium because there are just like actual dangerous men that look like me that really do want to like. It's a whole thing. Well, thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's episode of page seven. We bipped and bopped all around. And Lord knows at the end of the day I've got my tiny cockroach hat on. So really can't we blame the cockroaches?

Maybe they crawled inside of my ear and we're spewing. different American history X logic into my brain. So I blame it on the hat. Sure. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can follow us on TikTok over at page 7 LPN, and you can come hang out with me on Sundays and on Tuesdays on a Wednesdays over on Twitch.

dot TV forward slash, oh no, it's Jackie. I just want to reiterate that Jackie wants you to blame a hat on her comparing dog owners. Not dog owners. Just the American Kennel Club. That's a sentence. Okay, fine. Brian, let it be that. She wants you to blame a hat.

Blame that. The cockroger's going... Yeah, don't you want to be bad. Cogroo just came to life off of her hat, went into her ear. Just to visualize what she's asking you to. Just stop for a second and think about it. Yeah, it's very scary for me. Think about what I'm going through.

Thank you very much. I'm terrified. Check us out, y'all. I need some conspiracy theories, all right? We're throwing Jeremy Rinner under the bus these days. Please, page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Please page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Conspiracy theories, blind items, all that good shit.

Please send them in. And it's the same goes Patreon.com 4 slash page 7 podcast. I see more and more people coming to our Patreon lately. And I think it's because we're putting out especially great work these days between Jackie's book readings. My show that I do with her weekly, The Leftovers. We talk about all the extra articles we have from the show. We've got our weekly watch-alongs. do with MJ, Jackie and myself, where we've been watching Flava of Love.

That's at the $10 layer, what we call it the Heaviside layer. So check it out, y'all. Get on it. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. And you know what? Fuck it. I guess I'll be real with y'all. Twitch.com slash Holdenatorsho.

All right. If you want to stop being polite, which is what a lot of people do to me there, Twitch. I'm just kidding. People are very polite. Twitch. TV forward slash holdenators ho Monday through Friday streams we have a blast check me out Fridays I stream with Jackie um from 6 to 9 pm. ET Twitch dot TV for holdenators ho

MJ my name is MJ and I'm MJ K L Kat on Instagram hell yeah you are time for the shout out song shout shout shout let it all out these are the emails that you wrote wrote it about. Come on. We're gonna read up to you. Come on. Oh, just a huge old thank you guys for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com and you can send in your own shout out to page 7 podcast at gml.com along with honestly, whatever you want to send in. We read almost everything that's sent in unless it is specifically said for Holden in the subject line, which I appreciate for your conspiracies and your blinds. And I love you guys so much. And thank you for always sending in such wonderful, just connections and stories.

And I appreciate you guys. Again, that is page 7 podcast at gmail.com. First up, we've got a shout out for Gideon's Burger King Lord of the Ring Cup. If you remember from last week's episode, when Gideon, in fact, did use to bring his Burger King Lord of the Ring cup with him to the bar. This comes in from Jess. I was 16 when Fellowship of the Ring hit theaters. One of my fondest memories of that time was driving to Burger King once a week to get the movie toys.

There were 19 in total, and my mom and I had made it a mission to complete the set. It is the only fast food collection I had ever completed, and I still have it to this day. The one thing we could never collect was all of the cups. We were able to get the Strider Cup, which might be. mom held on to. My mom had been clearing out her home the past year and brought the cup over to my place. I'd commented to my husband we had never gotten the set. He told me that his own family had collected the cups, but not the toys. Lo and behold, my mother-in-law decided it was time to clear out her home and she had found three of the cups, the exact ones I had been missing. Now after 20 years,

the collection is complete. I started listening to page 7 out of curiosity a little over two years ago through last podcast in Wizard and the Bruiser. While I'm not really into celebrity gossip, I love listening to the three of you and having a good laugh on my commute. Oh my God, Jess, and I'm so glad you started reading Akitar too. Welcome to the Fay family, you beautiful Faye Bay. And yes, we're talking about the Akatar podcast. Oh, you want to hear about our fairy fuck books.

Go on over to LPN Deep Dives where Natalie and I get deep. and oh, we dive quite into Akitar and it's world that I want to belong in. But Jackie, this isn't the time nor the place to be talking about Akitar. We've got more shoutouts to get to. Our next shoutout goes out to Geneva. Geneva writes in, says, I'm writing to ask for a shoutout slash positive vibes for my best friend and her husband. They are the absolute best people ever.

They got married in 2016 with the intention of start. starting a big family and are two people who were meant to be parents. They tried for years to get pregnant without success, all while literally everyone around them announced new babies. My husband and I even changed our minds in 2020 from not wanting kids to deciding to have a baby and, of course, immediately got pregnant. This past year has been complete insanity for my best friends as they went through IVF. This is the shout-out part.

They did six cycles, which are egg retrievals, which was incredible. taxing on them physically, emotionally, and mentally. So a big fuck yeah to them for getting through that part with love and grace. That brings us to the positive vibes part. After six cycles of IVF, they only have one viable embryo. They are having the embryo implanted on April 4th, and I'm asking for all the page 7ers to please send them love and good wishes and think, baby! Statistically, they have a very good chance of their embryo taking and them having the child

so they deeply, deeply want it. I can't wait to be there with my best friend through her pregnancy, and our kids can grow up together. I know the page 7 community is so generous and caring, and my friends deserve all the help they can get. So thank you all in advance. And if anyone else is going through something similar, my heart truly goes out to you as well.

Thank you so much. Love Geneva. Oh, I will definitely be sending good vibes over to you, and let's, oh, let's get our witchy powers together. y'all. Let's send some good positive energy to them. And thank you so much Geneva for writing in. And last but not least, I've got a beautiful shout out to Devin. Devin says, my wife and I both listen to the show separately, since most of our days off don't line up. But I would love to surprise her with a one-year wedding anniversary shout out. Our anniversary is on March 23rd. We've recently changed jobs and moved

across the country where we don't know anyone, and there's no one else I can imagine feeling so safe with in taking this big life change. It would mean so much to us if you can wish Rachel a happy anniversary for me. Oh my God, Rachel and Devin, you guys have the best anniversary. Congrats on your move and you got this. You're going to make new friends and you're going to settle into your new place. I can just, oh, I can just feel it. Devin also continues on and say, oh, I've known it was you from our first date. Since then, no matter what craziness happens around us, I have always felt safe knowing I have your unconditional love and support. I am so proud of you for starting this new journey and for taking the job you really wanted. You are the best person I've ever known, and I am so thankful every day to spend this life with you.

I love you endlessly. Happy anniversary, baby. Oh, I love your love. Happy anniversary, Rachel and Devin. Happy love to everybody. I hope that you love yourself. I hope you give love to others. But definitely, most of all, to you. Take care of yourselves. Thank you so much for your shoutouts.

You can write into page 7podcast at gmail.com. And I really appreciate you guys taking the time out of your lives to just send a high hello. You guys have a beautiful week. As beautiful as you are, if that can even be possible, have a great time. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.