Page 7 - Ep. 489: Love Is Dead

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

This week we're gossin' 'bout Love BEING DEAD since Taytay and Joejoe broke UP, a Compliment Sandwich of an April Reals Day this April 19th over on Holden's Twitch, NEW TOUUUUUUR DATES CUMMIN' UP ON LASTPODCASTNETWORK, Kylie Jenner and Timothee Chalamet have been secretly in an age-appropriate relationship and now we all feel old, Kim Kardashian brings her puppy cop lovin' vocal fry abilities to American Horror Story, Jack Black's incredible music video for Peaches (which has nothin' to do with the 1996 song by The Presidents of the United States of America from the album The Presidents of the United States of America), it's Jackie (and the audience) v The Critics when it comes to The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Nick Cannon would be open to T. Swift being his lucky 13 sister wife and the absolute travesty of trying to surprise your kids when they don't know what you look like, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Did Leonardo DiCaprio dose James Cameron with PCP?!? And a list of commercials to search on YouTube while listening to this episode and blindz that follow an earlier thread! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, it's Jackie Zabrowski, and Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going back on tour with the release the butthole cut tour. We're coming to your town. Hold it. Where are we going? Salt Lake City, Denver, Colorado, Las Vegas. We're going to Portland, Oregon, Tacoma, Washington, Oklahoma City, Kansas City, and St. Louis, Missouri. Where can they find tickets, MJ? For tickets, go to Lastpodcastnetwork.com. What's that again? Lastpodcastnetwork.com. Hell yeah. Give it your fucking all, or you're dead to me.

Well, it was going to be the D.K. rap for you, but now because of the Taylor Swift, TikTok, it has to be champagne problems. One for the money, two for the show. I never was ready, so I'll watch you go. Sometimes you just don't know the answer. I can't do this episode. Someone's on their knees and asked you, she would have made such a lovely pride. What a shame she's fucked in the head, they said. but you'll find the real thing instead.

She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred. Love is dead. Oh, Jan, well, dancing, never leave you standing. Crest the wallet on the landing. Jabbed problems. Love is dead. This is the episode. If you have love, shred it.

Like the tapestry. She's going to put together. She'll patch up the tapestry that she shreds. Shreds, gentlemen. And we are, of course, talking about the devastation that is Taylor Swift's love heartbreak. Joe Alwin, you were never good enough for her and we all knew it. Here's the thing.

All right. I guess I think that this is the time. I think everyone can kind of tell I'm like a closeted Swift. I definitely. You've got a delicate balance of needing to be like cranky to Holden about it and needing to be cool. Yes. But also needing to like really act like Holden's a loser for it.

It's really difficult for me, and I want everyone to remember that it is very difficult for me. It's a fine line that I walk. To be fair, we got you kind of late. You came in on Evermore. I mean, it was, it was, you were, we were deep in. You got me late. And I honestly have not really listened to the rest of Taylor, but I am obsessed with the last three albums of Taylor Swift. Yeah.

And so there is this TikTok that went viral because it was, Taylor. Swift on stage during the Ares Tour, singing champagne problems, and during the, like, she would have made such a lovely bright. She's just, like, openly crying as she's playing the piano and singing. And people were wondering why she was doing that. People were like, what? That's songs not even about any of her relationships. That's just like a, because that was a part, of course, of, you know, folklore and

Evermore were all songs, like songs about fictional situations and stuff. And not, for once, stepping away from the autobiographical. nature of her work. That's why it's called folklore and Evermore. M.J., whatever. And it's a little upsetting that you're being like, oh, wow, that's an interesting fact. That was such a parent reaction. Wow.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, good. Yeah. Unreal. Wow. It's the same reaction I have to hearing about, like, the different characters in, you know, Paw Patrol or whatever.

I'm just like, interesting. Yeah? Wow. They did what? It is, this has got to be, so apparently, you know, the word on the street is they broke up like some weeks ago. Yeah, yeah. And they kind of just fell out of love with each other. But Holden, are you, A, devastated.

Yes. Be excited for the music that is going to come from this. Or for her newfound availability. I thought that's what you were going to do. Or see newfound availability. I just feel like I wanted it. I definitely wanted this moment to come, but not now, not here. Oh, yeah, not in the middle of her tour.

Can you imagine what she is going through? And that's why I am going to ask everybody, like, I know maybe you don't pray or whatever you do, you light a candle next to a cup of blood in front of a goat or whatever. Yeah, I'm fucking weirdos there. Where my moonwater bitch is at? I'm a fuck a weirdos at. Where my weirdos at? But, like, if you guys could, like, keep Taylor in your thoughts during this difficult time.

And I know you're like, oh, she has everything. Well, you know what? sometimes the heart gets defiled. Even for the lady, you know, she's so lucky. She's a stop. But she cries. I mean. Cry cries.

Yeah, man. Right? And so I think maybe if you could be on this journey with her, with us, with me. But didn't you ask Lex to pray for her all the time? Yes, I ask. And look what happened, Holden. I think you asked Lexi to pray for it. I'm not saying that Lexi has some sort of curse,

but I am saying maybe Lexi prayed for this. her demise. Maybe she prayed for it. That's a really good point. And when I was like, hey, if you could really be sort of doing the same thing, if you could be praying for her and thinking about her. And she just turned to me and she's like, oh, she'll be fine. And you know what? I don't think that was an okay response. We are back in couples therapy because of that. And I honestly feel like anyways, love is dead. So what is even the point of any of it? I mean, I'm like, I guess I'm in a marriage at this point. But since Joe and Taylor, broke up, I'm like, I don't believe in that. I don't believe in it. I'm living in church, but I'm not believing in God. You know what I'm saying? I mean, it's just not happening. Yeah, man, six years.

Well, I hear word on the street from the Gaylor faction. Now, MJ has a really big, big in over in the world of Gaylor stands. And what's the word over there, MJ? I've got an unnamed Gaylor source who wrote. I love that she was like, please do not. He do not mention my name. Mention me. I texted her and I was like, you need to tell me what to think about this.

And she responded. Of course, for those that don't know, Gaylor stands are people, are Swifty fans that are dead set on the fact that Taylor Swift is actually either gay or bisexual. Right. And I know that this had come up, Holden, like that you had mentioned it. But given how queer our audiences, I'm surprised we don't get more from the Gayler Conspirators. corners of TikTok, because it is a rich text, the Gaylor conspiracy theory. But my Gaylor texted, the contract has ended.

All her breakup songs are already happened because of that breakup with Carly Klaus. Her next album is going to be 1989 style singlore, parentheses, Taylor, but single. And my source also wrote, Hetlers are being insane by going. I just realized, by the way, Hetler sounds way too, so that's people who are think she's not gay. Hetlers are what gaylers call

people who think Taylor's it does. That sounds like Hitler. It does. It's tough. It does well. Interesting. What do you think about that? You headler?

How dare you attack me in a moment where I'm in a moment? So yeah, there's Hetlers who think that Taylor Swift is heterosexual and there's Gaylars who think that this was kind of a I guess like a kind of Tom Cruise Katie Holmes-esque contract.

And so now Now, the galas are excited. It sounds like they think that, well, I don't know, Holden, do you think that the next album is going to be singlor or Taylor but single, 1988 style? Is that exciting to you? None of these words mean anything to me. I think 1989 is probably at the end of the day her best album, even though my favorite

album is reputation. Oh, I did know this. Of course, MJ, I fucking love another 1989. But can we all put our feelings aside about the music we want to hear for two seconds and think about, can you imagine? Because this is the thing. I'm going to make an accusation here. You guys and everyone who's listening and everybody else has never, like,

I don't think loved as hard as she has loved. And we know this because of the way that she, can you turn a feeling into a phrase? I don't think so, but she can and pin it down on the page. And so you know it's profound in that way. Yeah. So I just, at the end of the day right now, I'm concerned about her journey, mental health.

Her ability to get through the day. Snaps to that, hold it. Snaps to that. I hope she's, like, leaning into her vices. I hope her Starbucks coffees are extra desserty these days. You know what I mean? Self care comes in many ways, TAY. Self care comes in many ways, TAY.

And if you need to, like, burn your hair or something to feel better, I just want you to do whatever you need to do. You know what I mean? So what do you think the burning of the hair is doing, what do you think? Where is that makes someone feel better? I don't know. I can't. I'm trying to put my. head a sexually frozen

fuckhead 40 year old I'm gonna say bastard man yeah I would also say that waste of space and talent and everything else I wouldn't say that I think that's going too far but the bastard man part I would I would go with

100% and now we've got our April real ready for next week oh my god you're actually a bastard man you said it and we laughed like it was a joke but it's true you're a bastard man yes also Speaking of April 19th, April Reels is upon us. I just want to say, Holden backtrack McNeely over here.

I'm backtracking. I'm such a politician. I'm such a kissle right now. You are. You're being a flip-flopper over here. Such a kissle. Yeah, I'm sorry. Drinking BLs? Yeah, totally. And I'm loving. Yeah, B-Budlight Limes have been drinking. Yeah. Is it on your bingo card? What else does he say? Keep trying them for him on the road. He loves when people and Bud Light Limes. always becoming Bud Light Limes. He loves it.

But no, April Reels Day is upon us. And for those of you that are new to the podcast, we celebrate April Reels Day, which is the day before 420, so that you can smoke away the Reels. And come join us over on twitch.tv. forward slash Holdenators Ho on April 19th, where we are going to be consensually to each other, telling each other truths about themselves

that you don't really have the opportunity to say at different times. Now, here's the thing that if you're in person, like Holden and I are, we do have a hand clapper, if you remember those things, that he held with a handle. If you say something like maybe,

if you were ever wondering where the Holden McNeely is sexually frozen line comes from, that it was from an April Reels. Day that I told him he was sexually frozen. And the handclap is supposed to. And he has never forgotten it. The hand clapper is supposed to be like, you've gone too far.

Too far. And I slapped her for the sexually frozen. He slapped me for sexually frozen. And you know what? I understood it. And it crossed the line. And now we talk about it years later. People screaming at me while I'm standing on a stage.

That's my favorite. Feel free. Literally. Feel free. If you come to the next tour, if you come out, if you come out, scream sexually frozen from the audience and we'll know that you love us extra. Well, no, you know what the deal is. So please do that. And also, again, last podcast network.com for the release the butthole cut tour tickets.

Yes, we have got a bunch of dates that are already released. And probably by the time this episode comes out, we're going to have our September dates released as well with Last Podcast Network.com for tickets. But also, again, back to April Reels. We were originally going to do a toast edition because we've all been feeling like sensitive. It didn't sit well with me, though.

What is the point of people showing up to in April Reels if we're all just going to compliment each other? To earnestly express our love for each other? I think that's fine, Holden. I think that's nice too. Well, we're going to do both. We're going to, but we have to have at least, Don't worry.

There will be at least one reel in the conversation, but it will be a more positive April Reels in the sense. We will be focusing a little bit more on compliments, sliding the reel in a sandwich-like way. And I think we should also maybe eat sandwiches while we do it. So it'll be called Compliment Sandwich April Reels edition. While we eat a sandwich. And it's a lot.

Yeah, but I think the thing is, is that this is the deal. If you're not making me cry and I'm not making you cry with your compliments, bitch, you need to go set your hair on fire. Because it is not. Okay. But last, you have done to bring the compliments, too. You cannot just come in and be like, I like working with you.

You know what I mean? That's not going to work. It's not difficult enough. You got to be like, when I was sad, you were that, you know what I mean? We did that level of love. It really makes me have to go back to the drawing board. MJ, I don't have anything to say to you. I'm so scared of what you guys will say to me.

Like, I don't. This is why I was excited about a toast that it wasn't just going to be a pop, men's hold that it was going to be sincerity. That's the whole point of April Reels. We don't like April Fool's because it makes a goof on sincerity. And April Reels is about realness and sincerity. And so we're going to tell each other. But we've just spent a lot of time together for the first time ever, basically for me,

to be with you guys this much for the tour. We're about to spend more time together. And I am excited to be sincere with you. And I guess now I've got to say something I don't like about both of you. You know what we're also, we know what I'm adding right here right now? Vows. Vows. I already did.

I just got married. We have to end with vows. Do you want me to read the vows that I read to Jeff? I'll just use my vows. If you changed the name to hold it at M.J. Okay. But there has to be vows us. You have to promise us things.

All right. So how about this? It'll be like that camp game Rosebud and Thorne, but it'll be like a toast. What are you doing with my rose buds? A toast? Rosebud and Thorne is when you ask, you know, what was the, the rose is a good thing about your day. the thorn is a bad thing about your day and the bud is something that you're looking forward to. I love it.

Perfect. It'll be a rose bud and thorns. I don't. I just feel like you're talking about my glitters. And we'll each have. And by the way, it'll be a rose, ignore what she said. It'll be a rose ceremony. We'll all bring roses and we'll do exchanging of roses.

If I've been reading too much smut? Is this to, did my brain chemically changed? Yeah, you're so worth out by the main mention of a rosebud. It's like so pathetic. I just can't. I like hardcore pornography. I like to see people in a room just fucking. Where are my smut babies out there?

Did you also think about that as well when you heard the phrase, just the word rosebud? We can't. And don't even get me, everybody on the Patreon talking about teets all the time. I know, man, because I hate the word teets. It's so upset. I don't like it either.

I don't need this smut on my Patreon comment section. I think he do. I don't think anyone likes the word teats. Yeah, who does like the word teats? In fact, someone in which I appreciate, I'm going to call, I'm saying it in a positive, way, Morag, who is one of our

amazing part of our book community. Morag, what are they, a cave man? What is that? Don't you dare! Don't you ever, Morag is perfect. How dare you? She is an angel of a human being, and she is currently nursing, and she's like, that's the only time I press are teeth. Yeah. Is when I'm nursing,

then they are teets. Other than that, like, if it's not sexy time, they shouldn't be teats. No, they should never be teats. Is it common in romance novels to refer to them as teets, well, in monster? Like the word In Ice Planet Barbarians, which is the audio book that I'm reading over on the Patreon right now, oftentimes the big blue aliens refer to them as Teets. And I think that that's more of just what they call them because in their tribe, you know,

they were very cut off from society on the planet of Nothoff. Nuthoff? Nothoff. It's like Star Wars because they call it because when they first land there, when they first crash land there, the humans are like, this is like hawk, but it's not hot. So they called it not hawth. Wow. Because they didn't know what the planet was called.

You are really rolling your eyes at my smut right now and I don't appreciate it. I'm going to make you read the minotaur milking farm. Because the minotars need to be milked. How does it feel, Holden? You're trying to listen attentively and give an enthusiastic. Wow. And then you get called condescending. Okay.

I just, I'm going to our milking farm. That's the homework I gave to you, Holden. I want you to read about the Minotar's getting milked. We're like different planets in completely different orbits right now. I can't read about alien women getting milked out of their teeth or whatever it is. No, that's different. Morning Glory milking farm is different.

I'm fucking dealing with like a tragic, by the way, it's a national tragedy. I'm surprised like, where's the president? Why isn't he made a speech? Yeah. Why isn't he speaking out towards the Swifties at least? Yeah. I mean, you know, six years. Can I just say, though?

I thought they were engaged. They were engaged. but they've been together for six years and I know they're very private with their relationship but every time I saw them I was like is there any lust between them? They just seemed so sexually frozen.

My people. That's why he likes her. Yeah, that's why I like. Do you think that she's sexually frozen? No, well, dress is a convincing song to say she's not sexually frozen, but she doesn't have a lot of sexy songs. I would assume she puts so much into her music. what does she have left for the bed?

Whoa. But also on this kind of crazy tour, she's just not a rat. Like, I'm sure that they just don't see each other. Pretty much what I saw, there was an article I saw that really seems to be it. Like, it was great when they were in quarantine and she was like not traveling all over the world and constantly in the studio. Like the patch of time where they really got together, she was like hiding out in England and then pandemic hit. They were writing songs together. They were around all the time.

And she just, like, got back into the pop star cycle of, like, album release and then this giant tour. And it just gets to a point where it's just like, you know, I think you just like, oh, this is what it's, like, really like. You know that happens. I mean, when you get together with somebody in one very specific circumstance. You mean, like, in a pod of sorts? Yeah. Or, yeah, you know about that. Or in a summer while you're loving.

You know what I mean? And it happens so fast. And then you get to school and all of a sudden you're like, this isn't the guy. He's a greaser. I can't be with him. Yeah, I let this guy put his... No way, Joe Allen's a greaser. He's a... I'm sorry, throw it out there. Boros Noro.

Oh, very Boros Noro. What's Boros Noro? Joe Alwyn! What's that? Boros Noro. He's a Starbucks man. He's a competitively... He puts me to sleep.

But she is a Starbucks woman with great talent. He's a Starbucks man. She's a queen of Starbucks. Yes. But what does he do? Why can't he just be her boyfriend on tour? What does he? Not like he has to work for money, does he?

You know what Joe Alwyn is? He's a coffee bean. I'm throwing it out there. Oh, wow. That bastard's a coffee bean. Well, you know, I'm, it's like, I guess I'll hate on him, but at this point I'm so broken, much like many promises that I just don't even know if I can hate it. Like, I don't even, I just feel lost about it. You know what I mean?

Like, I'm in a hedge maze, and there's a man with an axe chasing me in the snow, and I'm a tiny boy. What about the fact that when one love dies, another love festers? and no, I'm not talking about the uncle. I am talking about just the whatever lust is happening between Timothy and Kylie Jenner. Timothy, he's kissing on Kylie. I don't know. I know that he is literally old enough to be with her, but in my head he's still like 17. He's a little boy.

He's just a child. How old is she though? Hasn't she been a child for a while? I think she's also a child and not a child. I shouldn't say that. It's very demeaning. But I think that she's also very young. She's 25.

Man, I thought she was older than that. Yeah. Wow, I thought she was older than that. I still have not recovered from learning KJ. Appa's real age. Like I'm still fundamentally shook by it. Wow, Timothy's 27. How old am I? How old am I?

I think I've gotten too old. I am 79 years old. When did he become 27 years old? I could date him. That's my cutoff. I'm not going to date anyone younger than 27, but I will date Timothy Chalameh if I have to. Would you?

Would you date Timothy? The problem with me, and this happens sometimes with my sexuality, is that I don't know whether I have a crush on a boy or whether I want to look exactly like the boy. Oh. Yeah, the trans dilemma. Yeah, the trans mask who likes boys dilemma is, yeah,

I find him very attractive, but I think that's in a, I want it for me and my body way, not like I want it for me and my body way. MJ, I could definitely see it. I think that you're, I think you're a lot closer than you think. Yeah, I was,

I was zombie Timothy Shalamee for like a pandemic Halloween because all I had to do was like put makeup on, you know, and just like put up my hair and like try to stick out my cheekbones, you know? But, you know, it's the outfits that really obviously put over the edge. But, you know, I don't know, I just don't, I don't have enough feelings about, it's just like the Kardashians. I don't have enough feelings about the Jenners. I know that I think that it's weird that they're just famous for being people who don't do anything, but I don't really know if they're, if I should like them, if I really shouldn't like them. I just don't,

it's like the Kendall's and the Kardashians are a giant pop culture question mark for me, in part because we tried to not talk about them too much on the show because it's, If we did, we would just only talk about them because they are the ones to dominate the news. That's how good they are at staying, like, in the news cycle. It's really annoying. Unbelievable publicists. It's really crazy. It's incredible.

It's obnoxious. And also, it's like they do do things. That's kind of the thing is that they're like sleeper, really smart, savvy business people. Right. At the same time, I'm still kind of bored by like the whole thing, the whole aesthetic. In fact, it was just released yesterday that Kim Kardashian is going to be, she's starring in the next season of American horror story alongside Emma Roberts. So things like that where they're just...

Starring. Yes, she's going to be like a big character. So it's not just like the Billy Elish thing and Swarm. Who knows? Has she acted before? Not really, right? No. Not that I know.

I don't think so. IMDB or Jesus. I don't even think she's hard to imagine. Even though she's obviously a skilled performer in a sense. It is very hard. Her life is a performance. Right. Yes.

But it's so hard for me to imagine. her not being the exact character that she always is. But maybe that's who she'll be at American Horror Story and it'll be fine. I guess can you refer to it as acting because of keeping up with the Kardashians? Like, I guess technically that is acting because it is all written out and everything. But everything in here that I'm seeing is all as herself. It's like, yeah, I've been thinking about this with Love is Blind and Arena and like, there is an aesthetic now.

that I think zoomers in their early 20s have from coming up coming of age and being on TikTok and I forgive me if this is if I sound like the rantings of an old man you know writing a letter to the newspaper but like arena I love oh I love that qualifier okay arena on love is blind like and obviously she's a villain but like I do think Kim Kardashian is is is not that generation but I do think there is just this this dominating personality model right now, which is, I think Arena is basically doing a Kim Kardashian impression, right? Where you just pretend you're on camera all the time,

and you pretend you're unbothered by everything, and you're always like every reaction you have, it's like you're kind of looking around to see whether the camera is getting it. You know, there's this kind of like brain dead. I'm always performing mode, but also I don't care about anything, and I'm really apathetic.

thing. Does what I'm describing make sense? It does completely. And as someone that has so many emotions, I can barely keep the top of my head from exploding off of my body like a Looney Tunes whistle. I don't understand any part of the like, I'm five. I can't. I just feel every emotion, every second of just and I have to let everybody know about it. And the children, they call that extra. And I would say that Jackie is a bit extra. Oh, extra. So I understand what you're saying, but I don't get it. Especially when she's wearing that noose cap and she's got those papers.

She's just going, extra, extra. Yeah. Come on. Everybody. Yeah, yeah. And it's very extra. I did cry this morning. She was talking to warn him that we were getting crying Jackie.

Getting crying Jackie. When you meet up with people to record at 8.30 in the morning, you have to let them know if you've been crying for the last 20 minutes, that like I am coming in, I have been crying, and I need you to know. Yeah, no, that's good. I should do that. I should,

I should give you guys warnings about my mood. It's just always funny. Like, I was, I was in a really bad mental place for Henry and I to sit down and work on this, like, really ridiculous movie idea. And I'm just talking about all this very upsetting, serious stuff. And then we'd cut to it's just like, so anyways, then this like, this like goo monster pops out. You know what you're like go from.

Switch you back into it. I'm like, no, I'm gonna put. Yes. And then singing about it. And then, and then, and then, but hopefully transition. Maybe if you put some of your pain into kind of, or sucked out some of the pain from T. Swift like poison, you know, and spit it out. I'll spit it out, which is not how poison works.

But yes, I think that I could suck it out and spit it out as well. And I mean, let's give a little bit of love. I guess I should, if we're sending love to TAY, I should be sending love to Bowser as well. Peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, I love you. I am, to the point, if you have not watched the Peaches music video, I'm sure you have by now. Jack Black put out an entire music video as Bowser singing the entire Peaches song from the Mario world. movie and I did I both went to Mario

World as well as saw the movie and I saw the movie because of the Peaches song. The Peaches song got me to go. And Jack Black. You love Jack Black. I love Jack Black. I love everything about him. I love him in interviews. This is another one of these things.

I don't know if I want him to be my father. I don't know if I want him to be my brother. I don't know if I want him to be my husband. I don't know if I want to be him. I want to be all of it at once. I love Jack Black. I concur. He's just always been... I wanted to dislike him

early on because he was a little extra, I felt like in the beginning. But then you're like, no, it's just this is genuinely this guy. I just smelled like, you're secretly a dirtbag on him back in the day and then I was like, no, he's just great. I think School of Rock is when I formally became

a Jack Black fan. Also, I will say, Henry did do a movie with Jack Black. I am. definitely supported the fact that he is as nice as you think he is all the time. Totally. He's just a really good stand-up dude. Kind of confirmed by how Grady was through pandemic and like, you're just like, oh,

I think this guy's the real article. And then so, and that was, you know, the casting for the Mario movie was so divisive, obviously with Chris Pratt and everything. But even other folks, but Jack Black as Bowdozer was a resounding like, yes, yes. Unless you are a con... Jeff and I had a big convo after the movie. Unless you are a comedic actor or you are a voice actor, you shouldn't be doing movies.

You shouldn't be doing animated movies. In fact, even as I pulled up Kim Kardashian, if she's done anything, she did a voice in the Paw Patrol movie. And I'm just like... Unless you're looking for distinctly, that exact sentence. You know, right? Of course, you already hate Paw Patrol. My kids are on a big Paw Patrol kick right now, and it is killing us.

Murdering us, but it is happening. It's murdering us. Also, I should have... Because Chris Pratt was not good. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I think he was genuinely nervous about going too far, and it's out, like, you can, but then that's the thing. I don't know if that was a character choice, because Mario is nervous in this a little bit.

So I'm curious to hear what other people have to say about it, because I haven't looked too far into like the reviews and stuff. I know that critics hate it and the audience loved it. Yeah, yeah. And it seems from what I've heard, it's just a very by the numbers story, but, you know, if you're a big fan of Nintendo or what have you. Or if you just grew up around it like I did. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

It is hour and a half in and out. Great time. On the other hand, the world, I would say, save your money. Wow. I'm going to say it. I'm gonna say. Say more. I would say this. Wait until it's less insanely, intensely popular.

Wait until there's an express pass. But I'm, it really is true. If you do the express pass once ever, you will never ever be able to go back. It is impossible to go back. We had express pass at the park. For people who don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Universal Studios.

Universal Studios added Super Nintendo World. Yeah. And people have been so excited about this because there is a Mario Kart ride. Yes. And now Holden and I went, we went with Henry and Natalie, and we waited two and a half hours in line for the Mario Kart ride. And I am someone that, like, I don't wait. I'm an express pass bitch. I don't like waiting to things.

I don't even wait to, like, if there's like, remember when the cronut thing was really big? Like, I'm not waiting in line for a fucking cronut. I'm anti-waiting in line. I'm anti the types of. of like the cupcake shop with the line around the corner. I fuck that. And also, honestly,

any kind of... This is New York drama, MJ. Yeah, no, you're right. It feels like a thing from 10 years ago. A restaurant. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if that happens anymore. That feels like such a like

2013, like everyone's on Twitter being like, go get your croutts. I feel like, did the pandemic destroy collective long lines that you wait online for? No, because like salt and straw, which is amazing. You just need to know when to go. Always has like on a Saturday afternoon.

Ice cream shop. They did the breast milk ice cream back in the day. But they have incredible ice cream. They have incredible. Henry and I tried the pig's blood ice cream that they do around, oh, the look on MJ's face. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

They also just do like caramel vanilla. Yeah. It's not all like bug ice cream and stuff. Yeah, but there is bug ice cream. But there is bug ice cream. We ate the ones with the grasshoppers in it. Yeah, yeah. But it is so good.

It is such good. ice cream. But yeah, I don't, I'm not going to go on a Saturday afternoon because fuck that line. And, and honestly, any crazy restaurant wait at this point. I'm good. That's why I grew such a distaste for brunch. Yeah. Because I just hate the waiting and the busy cramped restaurant. I don't want to go when it's popular. I want to go at 5 p.m. to dinner. I guess this is growing up.

With regard to theme parks. And listen, I am not. I've never been to dinner. Disney. I don't know. When I say it's Disneyland and you guys are both like, no, it's Universal Studios. I know that's a meaningful distinction, but it means nothing to me. And not everybody has a, as Larson in their life, who tells them exactly how to curate their Disney experience. Right, right. And so some people got to wait online. You got to do your research for sure, though, if you're going to go to a big theme park these days, because there are so many ins and outs. And there's so many ways you can fuck up and just spend most of the day standing in a hot line. There was just an article about this last week about it. how you have to spend, it's like a full time.

You can get your fucking PhD and figuring out how to navigate Disney right now. There's like all these different apps. Oh, Ed can talk to you about it for long periods of time. He's my resident Disney and theme park expert on Whizbru and I have them on all the time to talk about this shit. But again, we say this. If you're from Florida, you either love Disney or you hate Disney.

It's just one of the other. Right. Yeah, yeah. I feel like the world itself, the Super Nintendo World, was cool as shit. Oh, yeah, it was beautifully done. I wish there was... I know that if this was something that I was, like, losing my mind over, or if we had, like, a seven-year-old with us,

like, the seven-year-old would have been like, what? I think that, you know, four people in their, you know, late 30s, early 40s are going to definitely look at this. differently. But I say that you're the big nerd. Yeah. You're a big nerd. I was awesome. I was like definitely down to just like check, scope out all the choices they made even in the line, right? Because it was like really cool to see all that stuff. Being inside of Bowser's castle was really cool. Like half the line was boring and like whatever. But like once you move towards the second half the line,

there was like you enter Bowser's Castle and there's all the shit all over the walls. We were just in front of these tweens for like two and a half hours. And they kept just like the twain. They just, kept like coughing and like pushing into us and I was just like get me away from the tweens. Jagging out a fan of the tweens and I was sort of I had a Jackie buffer between the tweens. Yeah, I kept getting locked back there. I was between the tweens a little bit. And then MJ, we saw a family that had literally the baby must have been 10 days old.

10 days old. With like five other kids. With no head covering on. It was so. And they're like, are you team Mario? and we're all like, yeah. And the baby's just like, like just a piece of clay.

Yeah, I know the baby was an animatronic from the park. It was so tiny and like disturbingly young. But you know, Ed said it best. Like at the end of the day, there's pretty much nothing's going to be, feel worth a two hour wait, right? Especially when it's like a five minute ride.

It's just so funny. I'm with like my best friends and I'm like, What are we going to do for doing it have hours? I was down to chill. I ate some edibles before we laughed. You got your California edibles. You guys will be fine. Yeah, we were fine.

You got to get a book of conversation starters, you know. Would you rather? Things like that. Would you rather? But yeah, so I would wait until they express pass supplies to the cart ride, first of all. Second of all, I don't know if this will happen, but it gets a little less popular because it was just so packed. Like, you really just.

could barely move. You couldn't feel like you could really like get into that space because it was just like as soon as I, your instinct as soon as you get in, at least if you're like us was like, when do we get out of here? Because this is like, I'm surrounded. I'm just covered in people. You know, in a way that like the rest of the park was kind of a delight with the older rides that are a little less popular because then you can just like go right through it, especially

with the express pass. But I think there's like a lot of potential there, but they need to tweak some stuff about the ride. they need to tweak maybe some things about like just the general experience and I wish that they could add one more ride I know that that exists in Tokyo obviously Tokyo has the big one and there's going to be a much bigger experience in uh Orlando Florida that I'm very excited to go check out at some point you know but yeah it's like um it's it's the ride itself is a lot of layers there's an AR element there's a game element there's uh and then the practical element and it's all like just

blasting stimuli at you in a way that gets a little overwhelming. I feel like there's some tweaking. It was overwhelming. Overwhelming is the word for it. It was just too much. And I felt like I was failing as I'm playing in the ride. Like, I kind of picked up on it a little bit better just because I'm video game brained. But Jackie is not.

And so for her, it's just immediately like, what are we doing? We have to turn the wheel. Then we have to shoot the thing. The entire time I was just like, ah! And am I supposed to do it? What am I supposed to do? Because like, hold in. Also, we were all in one card.

Holden's like, you better not fuck this up. We had to turn the wheel in unison to get the coins for it. Oh, God. You're collecting coins to try to win to have the person with the highest coins at the end of the ride.

This is the other thing about it, though, is that I feel like a ride like that is like a Mario Kart race in the sense of like, you do it once to like basically get a sense of the course. They should let you ride it again. Yeah, and then you do it again.

and then the again part is where you like, okay, now I know this and I can like really sink my teeth into how this is done. Yeah, there's no again after a two and a half waiting. There's no another two hours or whatever, which is why, again, I think once like the express pass is involved and there's just a little bit more fluidity to it all, you know, it'll be a little bit better. All I'm saying is that Jack Black brought a great kindness to Bowser

that I think they needed. You know, Elsie brought another news story that has been hit in the rounds. he is very outspoken about having, in the sequel for Super Mario Bros. movie, one Pedro Pascal to play Mario. Great choice. And he's very vocal about this to the point where there have been news articles written about it. So hopefully it'll, I think it might happen. Isn't that got to be so cool to be so influential that you can be like, I want this to happen.

I want this to happen. If I keep saying it, maybe this is going to happen. And then it just like maybe he could make it happen for him. Also, that would be so cool. How great to be where Pedro Pascal is to just be like, you never, I mean, obviously, once you read that level of celebrity, you never really have to audition for anything again in your life, but like where people are just vying to have you in their projects. It's kind of amazing to have the person in the literally like, I think at this point, most successful animated film, at least in terms of like opening weekend numbers saying you should be in the sequel. Like that's so crazy because you know that that contract for the sequel is going to be absurd. The amount of money that everyone stands to make off of it.

You know they're going to do it now because that movie was a huge hit. Huge hit. And it was so beautiful, too, just so vibrant and everything. It really, it was great. I enjoyed getting really high and going to go see the Mario movie. Is it just me and my not currently high brain, but noticing that the aesthetic of the Barbie movie and the aesthetic of the Mario movie are like very similar?

Very bright, very fun, very light. And I do wonder, you know, in talking about, you know, coming out of, you know, a lot of us are coming out into the world again and that things maybe, I don't, this is obviously not the reason, but I think it is kind of cool of like, oh, look at these like fun, positive things that we can see because I feel like true crime has been such a way. And I say this as a nepo baby of true crime. True crime has had such a grip for so long that I think that some forms of media need to be like, all right, what if we just like do more stupid things? Yeah. Bright, fun. Yay.

I kind of like it. And obviously for both Mario and Barbie, it's like 90s nostalgia too. And like, but I do like, I like the, even in the Bowser and the Jack Black music video, it's like the, the, you can, they're doing cool things with creating this like gigantic, rich, expansive universe. you know, and the Barbie movie looks cool for that too. It's those damn publicists. They know what they're doing because even Barbie has spun...

The trailer alone has spun off so many memes. It's insane. Oh my God, yeah. Between using the Barbie poster as your own filter thing, everyone's obsessed with it, to the fact that like all of this

talk about like, she's everything, he's just Ken and all these memes coming in and really throwing under the bus that Ryan Gosling, he's too old, he's too old. How old is he? How old is Ryan Gosling?

I should have looked that up. I'm looking it up. I mean, I'm 42. 42. And how old is Margo Robbie? I mean, she looks timeless. She's 10. She's 30, she's 32 and he's 42. She's 32.

That's fine. She's no spring chicken. I think she's still spring. My God, my God. Dude, that's an old-ass chip bird over there laying a fucking brown egg. I don't think she's all. Laying a brown egg, you know what I mean? But yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I don't really have a concept, I think, of older age now. Everyone looks young to me. I think it's because you're old. I know, and that's what's killing me. I don't know. I can't tell that he looks old. He doesn't look old. He's Ryan Gosling.

He looks fantastic. Yeah, he's timeless. He's a timeless creature. Yeah, it's totally fine. Well, how old is there a canon of how old Barbie and Ken are, you know? I mean, they're made out of plastic. I think that's the whole thing. Because they're made out of plastic,

I think that that's why the internet is like, that's why they should be played by 20-somethings. But why? They got jobs. They're like 20. And my head, they're like 25. Yeah, they're certainly not teenagers. Like they're, yeah, they, Barbie's got all these jobs.

All the jobs. Yeah, she has every job. They're fucking by slamming their bodies against each other, you know. Yeah, man. They're always naked because I definitely always had them naked because I liked for them to lay together. I don't have problems. No, it is like, I'm not convinced that taking off Barbie's clothes is like, is not a sign of perversity, which we were all told as kids.

I think it's just a developmental stage. Of course. Because, like, it's just like, you just get to the, you know, you're like, I want to take off the Barbie's clothes. But then, like, you want to figure out, my kids now are very into fashion. I don't know where it's coming from. But they, like, really want to figure out new outfit. They got like a yoga Barbie for Passover. and they immediately like

re-invisioned yoga Barbie to be like she's a Barbie who exercises but she also does ballet so she's wearing exercise pants but also wearing like a two-two on, you know, so I think all that these are your kids MJ, it's so funny.

It's so funny. I mean, how much does it go to show of that like nature versus nurture and that like of just like the idea of like this is just truly who your children are? And how beautiful is that that you are not letting, you were letting them flourish,

you are letting them explore. I'm so happy for you. So much of the like anti-trans panic is like the idea that like trans people are like turning kids trans or like turning kids, you know, or like gonna make kids be whatever. And I, my experience of parenting is just like,

I could not make these kids have a different gender if I tried. Like they just like they are here to express their gender. And right now it is this and maybe it'll change. Like, but like I can't, they just are who they are. And it. And I was really.

one of my big goals for parenting was like, I don't want to, like, I don't like femininity for me personally, but I have nothing against it for other people. I don't want to pass on any of my own hang-ups about the way that femininity felt like kind of oppressive to me. Like, I don't want to hand out to that.

Obviously, you're not. And thankfully, I don't think I am because I have the two most femme children in New York City. I'm just going to say this right now, though. If when he decides to be an Ariana Grande fan, she's out. That's where he draws the line. That's where I draw the fucking line, bro. We can sit here all day whenever you want to be into.

I love you. No matter what, except if you like Ariagrond. Your ball sport games. Yeah. You need to hide that for me desperately. But would you say that to Taylor Swift if she got knocked up by Nick Cannon? I just want to throw up. We can't go to the next segment until we talk about the fact that Nick Cannon tells Howard Stern that he's

open to having his 13th child with Taylor Swift. He says, I'm all in. I think she would relate to me very well. We probably will understand each other. Watch out Taylor. Be careful. Watch out, first of all, watch out Taylor. I also saw a lot of people being like, right now Pete Davidson could do the funniest thing he's ever done.

Do the swoop. Do the swoop. Go get her. Now's the time, man. I'm be blown away if that happened to. But yeah, I know. Stay away for Nick. And also that Easter was so, the Sister Wives Easter.

The Sister Wives Easter with Nick Cannon. We're not talking about Sister Wives the show. We're talking about Nick Cannon's sister. Wives and they all celebrated Easter together and it was just Nick Cannon dressed up like the Easter Bunny creepy Easter Bunny and he sat and they just brought the kids to him

they don't know who their father is It's like yeah it's like a school trip They barely already know. Just rotating the babies in they definitely don't know who he is He's wearing an Easter Bunny outfit and then it's like oh ha ha ha the big reveal when I take the hat off and they see it's daddy they don't know who you are I'm sorry

They're either scared of the Easter Bunny or they're scared of you because you're a stranger to them or now they're scared of both, you know? And I try to be like live and let live in terms of thick cannon, but there was just something about this Easter buddy shoot where I was like, this dude does not parent these kids. And this is just a stunt to be like, yeah, I'll take a picture with all of them, except for the ones.

I like how that there's like a lot of the sister, a lot of the baby's mother are like, which I say like attorneys general. That's my little joke that I make about babies. A lot of the baby's mother are all friends and they're all cool and they all hang out together. And then there's a couple that aren't cool and posted on Instagram what they were doing for Easter, which was not being around Nick Cannon. Not being around Nick. This just pissed me off. And I'm sorry, the whole like, oh, I'll impregnate Taylor Swift thing is like, I'm so gross.

It's gross. I'm sure Howard Stern teed that up knowing Stern. Totally. What about Taylor? Taylor Swift just going to a breakup. 13 T-sway's like number? Yes. No.

Yes. She loves her eggs. It could happen. Oh no. It could happen. I just, I can't. I'm beside myself. He's so gross.

It's so disgusting. It makes me so upset. And that Easter is so troubling to look at the Easter celebration. He's like the clownier he gets, the more upset I get. He's mugging for that camera. So hard. It makes me want to die. Yeah.

To be like, I'm around the kid. Yeah. All right. All right. Here we go. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Did Leonardo DiCaprio dose James Cameron with PCP?

Oh my God. On Titanic? Yes. Whoa. Now, have we talked about it on this show? We must have talked about this before. I'm trying to remember to what capacity. I've definitely talked about this story before.

I know I've brought it up on lists before. Someone got dosed, yes. Or someone dosed like the cast of, crew of Titanic with PCP. But this twist is really fun. The idea that it was actually Leo himself. Have you heard this, MJ? This is genuinely happened.

Yeah. So maybe we've talked about it on talking TV. Yeah, I know I've talked about it into a microphone before. This is such a crazy story. I'm so excited to get to tell you this story, MJ. So this comes in from Stephen

who writes hello to the lizard king, Thanksgiving Queen, and non-binary divine being. Yeah. Yes. I have a great conspiracy for you all. Leonardo DiCaprio drugged the cast and crew of Titanic with PCP. The fact. So this is like the basic story that I already knew. But adding the part where Leo did.

When they were filming the present day scenes of Titanic, somebody spiked the lobster bisque on the craft service table with what was later proven to be PCP. This is totally true. This caused many of the cast and crew, including James Cameron and Bill Paxton, to have to go to the hospital because of it. expensive. They had to like put like they had to stop production for at least a couple

days. Like I mean it was bad. Oh, oh here's and this among other things caused this is all true. James Cameron to get stabbed in the face with a pin by a craze crew member and the cast and crew broke out into a conga line at the hospital. I am dead serious. I'm fucking this is I've definitely never heard this before. Oh dude. Oh my God is that dream come true. I know, right. James Cameron said it was probably caused by a crew member who was fired for arguing with people. The people hired for catering who snuck on the set and put PCP in the bisque to make everyone sick. Oh, really? Here's the theory. James Cameron is known to be a tyrant on film sets. And apparently it was hell for Leo and Kate Winslet to be in Titanic. So Leo has motivation to get back to James. We've established it.

Jonah Hill, who acted with Leo on Wolf of Wall Street, said he would pull, quote, prank. on set, but would take it too far at times. I don't know, as I only watched the movie once and kept getting distracted by this really short, chubby, red-headed guy who kept showing him. Oh, my God, it was Henry! Leo became friends with the cast who acted in the flashback scenes, especially Kate, so he wouldn't want to have them get accidentally hurt from his prank. It was the present-day scene.

The one where they're going down in the ocean and seeing the... Yeah, it was the present-day cast. It wasn't the flashback. An anonymous member of the crew said that one of, quote, the Hollywood people, end quote, was responsible for putting the PCP in the Bisk. Being a master actor, therefore a master of disguise, Leo could easily sneak onto the set like a future Oscar-winning chameleon.

Also, as a former drug user, this is a really interesting insight. As a former drug user, I will say it would make more sense that a bourgeois Hollywood person would be able to afford a vial of liquid PCP, that he can waste on drugging a pot of lobster bis. whereas most proletariat crew members can only afford joints and cigarettes dipped in it. There were no arrests made for the crime, even though James Cameron claims he knows who probably did it, probably because an A-list heartthrob being arrested for poisoning an entire crew of a movie would cause bad publicity, and Titanic was Cameron's passion project that many predicted was going to bomb at the box office.

James Cameron has since not cast Leo in any other movies. Why not, Cameron? What are you afraid of? In conclusion, Leo DiCaprio is a menace to all of society and not just women under 25. I rest my case. Love you all, Stephen. P.S. I am writing a vampire fantasy novel that I think a lot of people at L.P.N. would love as I'm trying to make the Twin Peaks Neon Genesis Dune of Vampire novels.

I can finish it. Hope I can finish it so you all can read it someday even if you end up hating it. I want to read it. That sounds awesome. So do you believe? Yes. I think it's very plausible. I love when it's an actual detailed, honest breakdown of why it's possible,

especially the liquid PCP vial. I'm sorry. Lobster Bisk is the funniest thing to spite. So funny. It's like such a rich person food. It's such like a Seinfeld-y kind of. Yeah, right. There's a whole Lopter Bisc bit in Seinfeld.

Right. If you want to see this exact, a very similar thing in a movie form, you can definitely check out Gaspar No's climax, where a whole dance company is also given, I believe, PCP, and it's very upset. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think you have that at Gaspar, no. But yeah, it's every time I think about this story,

I think about the movie climax because I saw climax during quarantine and I was so upset and I had nowhere to go. Like, I just remember pacing on my porch just being like, who, oh, man, I've got a lot of thoughts and I've got nowhere to go. So I just wanted to throw that out there. But I believe. I believe. I got so much to think about. I'm like, what role by the basketball diaries have played in Leo's knowledge of drugs, although they weren't really doing a piece of him.

Yes. And he was very young. Definitely could have been capable of making such an irresponsible, dangerous decision, you know? Yes. He was like, oh, wow, I'm going to be thinking about this for a long time. What I believe. What a crazy. I love that story.

It's one of my favorite, like, Hollywood movie stories. What a crazy, what a, yeah. The conga line is what gets me. That's amazing a conga line. The conga line. The contrast of getting stabbed in the face and doing a conga line really shows, like, the ups and downs of the PCP. Yeah, like what's going on. That's PCP for you.

Jesus. Well, I guess it's time for the list. Oh. Who's on the list? Checking, got to have that list. Celebrities will let their free. flags fly on bizarre overseas projects. Some of these I ended up looking up and they are bizarre, like Tommy Lee Jones's Suntory Boss Coffee ad. As a strict teacher in a pretty funny ad for Japan's

number one canned coffee brand, he uses special powers like shooting laser beams out of his eyes to keep Japanese students in line. He mostly just has to sell so he completely nails it. But this like, it wasn't that long ago. This is like old, Tommy Lee Jones doing this ad. Very fun. I think it's so fun to do something like this where he's like, yeah, a bunch of laser beams shoot out of my eyes to scare children. I can only hope that I get to make a crazy Japanese commercial at some point in my career.

Yes. Or a German ad as well like Snoop Dog did. Snoop Dog played a sad guy in his turtle sit on a kitchen floor. When out of nowhere, Snoop pops out of the fridge and a tux and a straight-haired wig singing in German. Some models join in and boom, vibe mobile. Top up those minutes, baby. Love it. I want

to do just random commercial. Like if I could only imagine being at such a level that you could do just random commercials and people just being like, why are they doing this? Like Paul Rudd in Jackie Chan presents Gen X Cops 2. Metal Mayhem. Rudd played an FBI agent in this Cantonese movie and he has described the experience as so bizarre. He made up funny English lines, which others on set couldn't understand for his friend's amusement.

Oh, and Jackie Chan wasn't involved at all. I do wonder if Paul Rudd knew that Jackie Chan actually wasn't involved when he signed up for it. What a nice guy to be like, I don't understand this movie. I don't know where Jackie Chan is, but I'll do it. Yes. Now, this movie, I don't know if I want to see this or if it's the last thing I would ever want to see. Have you heard about Outcast? with Nicholas Cage and Hayden Christensen.

No. Filmed in China's Yunnan province, Cage is at his craziest and Christensen is at his laziest as Crusades-era soldiers in this all-around brutal movie with 4% on Rotten Tomatoes. It has the longest list of bad reviews. That is outcast with Nicholas Cage and Hayden Christensen. I just imagine them hanging around being like,

yeah, we're soldiers and Crusades. Yeah, yeah, just like on their phones, not giving a shit. I would definitely love to check out Dennis Hopper when he was in the height of his popularity in 1995. Hopper was in a Japanese ad for Sumaro cleaning products. He starts as his villainous speed character, then gets belly deep in a bubble bath, plays with a rubber ducky and cackles like a lunatic. I mean, I think I've just got Dennis Hopper on the brain because after all this Mario talk, Jeff is going to, I don't want to say force me. but we are going to watch the Mario Brothers movie. And Whizbrew just did an episode on it, yeah.

See, I loved it as a kid. Now, I know they're hammered. I know all of the backstory of the Mario Brothers movie. But as a kid, I think I saw it a hundred times. But I haven't seen it since. Did you rewatch it for the episode? Of course. What do you recommend?

The plot is impenetrable. It's so. confusing. Like, now that you understand story and stuff a little bit better, you're going to be so confused. And also just like the mix of, it's a mart, I mean, it's the opposite of the movie you saw. It's like a dark, seedy, like the Blade Runner guy made the city scape. Yeah. It's all weird and like, and there's like bondage gear strippers in like scenes. It's so just tonally confused. And I mean, they were literally writing that movie like as they went. Like, they just made no sense. I just love the fact that John Leguizamo and Bob Hoskins,

who were supposed to play brothers, by the way, just trash the entire time. Look for a cast on Hoskins' hand, because they were so drunk, they did this car stunt, and he broke his finger because they were just wasted. And so you can see in certain shots he has a cast on. Just like getting more and more casts

throughout the movie as it goes out. Yeah, just cover it. It's just a full body cast with the whole costume, just like he shoved into the costume. So bonk. That whole thing is so bongers. But also, you might find it pretty impenmintral to see the movie. It is obvious, it does not exist on, like, any streamer.

Why? Because I think what, does Disney own it or whatever? What are they trying to bury it or something? Yeah, I think Disney owned it. I think they probably don't even want it on Disney Plus. So you can find it on, like, Internet Archive. You can, like, find it. That's the only place we could.

I'll check it down. I'll buy a DVD of it. Oh, my God. Back in the day, you know? Last but at least, speaking of Mario Penelope Cruz for Nintendo 3DS in 2012, she did a series of global ads dressed as Super Mario. A Japanese company hiring a Spanish actress to play an Italian plumber was pretty strange, especially because it's unclear if she'd ever played a DS before or after the ad.

Why did they have Penelope Cruz? So bizarre. Play Mario. I love it. Very weird, but lots of, there's lots of Mario in the air right now. I don't know if you can throw the coins. Yeah, I'm so blessed by the Nintendo Lords. But what is that?

But they give it and they take it away because then love is dead. So why don't even care, Mario? Love is dead, man. Isn't that kind of sad? You're looking forward to something. I want the month of Mario, but I can't really lose myself to it because I'm already lost in heartbreak. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know how you're going to get through this one. You wait until she starts, what would you do if she started being with Nick Cannon? I mean, I don't, I guess I'd like, yeah, I'd probably flay myself or like, definitely I'd probably play myself in semi-haer on fire. Yeah, yeah. All right, good. I was hoping it was going to be something like that, but I just wanted to make sure. Yeah, yeah, God, that'd be, oh, stop, shut up.

Are you, are you sure you're going to be emotionally ready to handle a real next week when you're this upset? Maybe we should only say nice things to each other. Yes, maybe we should say nice things to each other. need stuff to each other. No, we keep it nice. No, we're doing a, we're doing rose buds, everybody. We're doing rose buds.

It's going to be the rose ceremony. Oh, oh. Rose bud and thore. Yeah, so it's not your clitoris, Jackie. Jesus Christ. Thinking about, thinking about that's making me want to go. Blind. I know.

Oh, we can't see him. This A-list actress slash director says that after she decided to not cast and a list actor for a role. She started finding dead birds and mice all around her home. She thinks he is the one responsible. Okay. I'm not a bunch of rats outside my house. Is it because of some professional,

do it could be a professional thing? It's from Holden and I. It's like, was I late to the show once and now you're sending all the rats to math? Yep. Whoever this is, it might just be rodents around your house, okay? Good God. Many dead ones?

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, we left the dead ones, all the alive ones, that's up to New York. That's not us. Could be a haunting of hill house scenario. We don't know. But what we do know is this actress director's name. Who, what actress director has?

All the drama swirling around. Olivia Wild. And what actor did she not cast in? Don't worry, darling. She cast him at first and then threw him under the bus. Joaquin Phoenix. No, what? Wasn't it Joaquin Phoenix?

No, it's a different crazy. It's the less talented crazy weirdo that, gets cast. Shia LeBuff. Yes. That's why. Shia was initially cast to play the role of Jack, but was removed from the project due to scheduling issues, or at least that's what they

claimed at the time. Olivia later claimed that he was, quote, not an easy guy to work with, and that she had a strict no assholes policy on set. Shia later provided the receipts via text messages between him and Olivia, a video even from Olivia saying, in which she said she was

heartbroken by his decision to leave the project. that she was not ready to give up on him, that she wanted him there. And then she, like, still backed up her club. She was like, I'm like a mama lion on the set. I like to protect my actors. And he was just bad news. It was like, but you have all these texts and stuff saying that you were like devastated that he left the project and that it was more due to scheduling issues.

So, yeah, isn't that the tea on that? She is suggesting that Shia Labuff is leaving dead rodents around her house, despite the fact that we have a video of her being like, I'm so sorry, Shia, maybe Miss Fluff. will get her act together. Remember the Miss Flo part of that video? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So we know that you didn't even have it,

and it wasn't an animus parting. You guys were fine, and now you're blaming all the dead rodents around your house on Shia Abouf? Listen, I'm not trying to defend Shia Abuff about anything, but I'm also not trying to defend Olivia Wild. Yeah, she's indefensible. I also love, maybe she has a lot.

I bet she's made a lot of enemies. I wonder, who knows? Maybe it was old, what's his name? Maybe there's a cat in the name. Who lived? Maybe it was Sadaicus. Maybe it was Sadaicus. Yeah, I would guess my ex-husband before Shial above, definitely.

But also, maybe it's a cat. I'm starting to think maybe it's Joe Alwyn. If you think about the connection there, you've got Harry Stiles. You've got Taylor Swift. They're all in the mix. And I think it might be Joe Alwin himself, that bastard. You think they're all having sex. How could you throw away a woman like that in the trash?

Do you think he dumped her? Are you kidding me? He should have done whatever she wanted. If she was like, I need you to cut the indebted. entire tip of your dick off, he should have done it. Apparently it was amicable. Apparently it was amicable. They just grew apart.

But you know what, dude? Nutted up, bro. Fake it. You got the world in your hands. You got everything. Not anymore, though, Holden. Not anymore. God damn it, dude.

Can you imagine this? Not to say, I know that we're calling him a bastard, but even though I don't think that he is. I want to capture him. I want to capture him and hold him and just keep him. Poor, like, poor Joe and having to deal with the swifties. He probably has to get off social media for a while. I want to put him in. His whole life is fun.

I want to put him in Army Hammer's dad's gross dog chair. I want to put him in the cage. And I'll just take dirty ducks all over his stupid head. You fucking idiot. Unbelievable. I'm not calling anyone to arms right now. Okay. It's not what I'm doing.

Oh, you're just invoking Armyhammer's dad's chair. Which we all know is a torture device of sense. It's a torture chair. Jesus Christ. I'm just saying, you know, it's out of my hands, but I wish it was in him. The meme actor, the meme actor and the reality star with a side gig, that is not the person who has been spending most nights at his house. The meme actor and the reality star.

We talked about him earlier. Oh, Timothy and Kyle Lay. Yeah, apparently, there's a different person sleeping in his bed most nights at his night. Who is it? I don't know. We don't know. Nauty, naughty. I wonder if it's Joe.

Could be Joe Allen. He's on the lamb. But wait, this is not a blind where it tells us we know who the third person is, right? This is a blind where we just know Timothy and Kylie. But I just think that maybe it's Joe. Because I just don't understand. That's the only thing that would make sense to me in this cruel, fucked world. I mean, I would watch the tape.

I'm not going to say I'm not going to watch a day. Yeah, I bet Joe's like into some really interesting stuff. That would make Joe Allen much more interesting to me. Oh. There's no offense to Taylor Swift. Wow. fucking Timothy Shalameh. I hate to say this, Tim J, but you are kind of dead to me right now,

and that's just the way that's... I know. I think that might have been too far. I'm sorry. Yeah. I think that's pretty dead to me. So I'm going to go listen to the entire catalog now and continue to prepare for my viewing of eras. Yeah, I just don't think it's the right time, man.

I think she needs to be happily in a situation right now to get through eras, and then they need to get married, and then another two years, then a divorce, then the divorce album. You fucked it up, Joe. You fucked it up. Would you propose to, her if you could. I know you don't want her sexually. Save her. If I knew it would be good for her deep down

in my heart, it is something I would do. But no, I want her essence. I want, I don't need to be in proximity. In fact, I feel like it would be too much pressure. She was asking me for advice and seeing, you know what I mean? It would be too much, I feel like, for me. I need to be admiring her. You know what I mean? But if I, if she needed me as her muse, I would absolutely do that. What if one of our tour dates coincides? with an heirs to her date, but, like, she has a night off that night of our show, and she came to our show.

Would you, like, come or would you, like, die, you know, like, what would happen? Those are the only options. Yeah, come or die. I think those are the only options for you old. I'd probably come or die. I'd feel a little, like, there might be a T-Swift segment in the show, so that would be kind of awkward. Oh, that would be awkward.

Yeah, that would definitely be awkward. Right. Talk about, like, murdering for her and stuff. Yeah, you do do that. I think I'd be like she'd probably like really not be happy with that maybe. Yeah, she might not be, she might not dig that too much. Whatever you need, girl, just let me know. Or Taylor's people, if you're listening, if you need my help, I'm here.

Yeah, just let us know. All right, last one. Another day, another story about how this A-list writer slash sometimes actress really was probably writing her biography when she wrote the script for an oft-quoted movie. There are people churned in her wake. she did not treat well. She was on a popular comedy show and then she wrote a very popular movie.

And the movie's about bad people. It's called. It's called. So she wrote a movie. Yes. She was in a popular comedy show? Maybe. A sitcom?

She was on a variety show kind of thing and then a sitcom. without spelling it out too much. She's a br-b-b-b-b-b-b-you-a-me? Oh, yeah, a burp-pr. She's a-er-prone. She's a-r-r-r-r-oh. She's a-r-rina.

She's a B-word. No, she's a... Oh, she's a Russian? No, it's the name of the movie. What she is is the name of the movie. It's two words. What did you bring up a... First word.

For... Arena from Love is line, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was Arena on the show? A bitch. Or a...

What was she being towards the other ladies on the show. She was being a... Fem fatal. Seriously? Everyone's... This is like going back to the TV. She's... Everyone's screaming.

Everybody knows the answer. You don't realize how hard it is. When you're just staring into the nothing trying to think, trying to use the Rolodex inside your brain. She's a burp-b-bh-bh-bh. She is a... What?

She's a villain. She's a villain. Two words, bro. It's two words, motherfucker. What was she to the other people? Huge bitch. I don't know. An effing cuck.

Oh my God. The first word starts with an M. I said motherfucker already. She's a burper. She is a bumper. This is I feel like I'm going to crawl. I rip my eyes out. She's a burper.

Okay, all right. Okay, okay. She's a burper. Her name is two names. Her full name is two names. like most people. Leah Michelle. No.

Her woman. What was Leah Michelle on her set? She was a burp-b-b-what was she? B-word. It starts in M. The second word starts in the G. Are you kidding me right now? It is the one movie.

Mama Grande. All right. If she's not a... If you're younger than a woman, you are a... Girl. Yes. What's the first word? Bean girl.

Yes. You fucking idiot, you fucking moron idiot. Stupid, dumb, whore on. Dina Faye, there's so many better ways to get us to say, Tina Faye. You're saying murpher. What is Arena on the show? You said it over and over again. Everyone said about arena.

She was a mean girl on the show. She was doing mean girl stuff on Love is Blind. That's like, I can't believe you. Please write in at B-7 podcast at gmail.com. If you could come up with better hints, then she's a mirt. for trying to figure out Tina Bay. I said she's arena. How could I not be more specific?

Arena was a mean girl. But she was a mean girl. We kept saying, oh, she's doing mean girl stuff. Like, that's how people kept referring to her. I am dying. I see now where your brain is. I see it now. I see it now.

But she's a mertmer. Mertr really was getting lodged inside of my brain. Oh, so wait, what did Tina Fey do? What did Tina Fey do? Writer Rosalind Wiseman, whose book, Queen Bees and wannabes, was adapted into the film Mean Girls, and has spoken out about how she only made $400,000 on the deal for the rights of the book and not a penny more when she sold the film rights in 2002. She's been like constantly, for the past several, obviously since the movie came out, she's been fighting to try to get, she's not seen a dime of like the royalties from the musical, from the, the,

movie's insane success, all of it. She's, so she has a whole article out about that. I don't know how valid her claims are, anything like that, but she's just very outspoken about it. She got fucked in that deal. Tina Faye has admitted to being a mean girl in high school. She said, I was the mean girl. I admitted openly.

That was a disease that had to be conquered. It's another coping mechanism. It's a bad coping mechanism. But when you feel less than in high school, everyone feels less than everyone else for different reasons. In your mind, it's a way of leveling. the playing field, though, of course, it's not. Saying something terrible about someone else

does not actually level the playing field. She's such a mean girl. Whoa. She's bad. She's real bad. Yeah, well, Millie Bobby Brown just got engaged. That's right. I forgot, yeah, I saw that news.

Yeah, Millie. I don't know how to feel about that, though. She's so young. 19. And how old is the guy? Oh, well, it's Bon Jovi's son. Isn't he much older? What? Yeah, dude.

How do you feel about that, MJ? I was just, I didn't know it was Bon Jovi's son. I guess I'm to say pleasantly. He's 20. He's 20 and she's 19. I mean, I'm sure that they are a different, like I would say being that famous, that young, I'm sure they're a different age than 1920. I'm calling it now. This is marriage number one. I'm calling it right now. That's way too young to get married, in my opinion. But you know what? Some, you know what, man? Works for some people. Yeah, someone's going to write in. I think it's, if it works for you, hell yeah. So you know what, Mazel. Wishing the best. I wish you the best.

I wonder, I guess my advice for anybody that young, madly in love, I think my advice still would be like, why don't you guys just enjoy life, be together and wait until you're like 22? Like give it just, why rush into that? Why get married at 19? Be in a relationship, be completely committed to each other, but you're about to undergo some massive. Insane changes. Your brain is not finished developing. Your brain is not yet. Give it till your, give your prefrontal core.

a couple more years to shoot out before you get married. That is my advice. Like, I don't necessarily think that they're doomed or anything, but I just think that that's such an important time to be not lawfully wet. You know? At the other hand, sometimes I do think, you know, if I had had kids when I was 20, I would be basically almost done right now. Oh, man.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I would, I understand that that really works well for some people. I don't know, but could you imagine going through that in your, your 20s? I feel like, A, would be terrible for the kid. You know what I mean? And B, I guess it's a little different to, because they have so much money. I think it's the money. I think because I wasn't, and for me it would have been because I wasn't like emotionally ready. But when I was pregnant at work, there was a coworker of mine who got,

I think, I'm not sure if it was surprised or not surprised, but she was quite young, I think maybe 19 or 20 and she got pregnant. And I was like, so I was like the old pregnant person. And she was the young pregnant person. And I was like, you know, I'm happy for you. Like, you're going to be a great, you know, you're going to be a great mom. You're going to be a great parent. And, you know, for her, I thought about it a lot because I was like, you're just going to have a totally different experience. Like, yeah, you're like in college right now and that's going to be really challenging. And also you have like, you know, young parents and you know, young, this whole extended family who can help. And it was just, you know, very, very different experience

to have kids at that age. But there's so much like judgment on it that I, and after I had a kid, I had a, it wasn't like I was like, yeah, having a teen. pregnancy would be awesome, but, like, I can understand why that's appealing for some people. Uh-huh. Yeah. Get it out of the way. Get it out of the way. Live your life in your late 30s and 40s instead of I live my life, you know, richly and recklessly in my 20s.

All right. You know, maybe you want to blow my brains out. Can we just say this? Live it. I'm not living my life. I'm getting out there. Yes. No.

We're both. Well, I mean, I'm not right now because love is dead. But, you know, when love is not dead, hopefully Taylor can find somebody. I don't know about you guys. All right. I'm having a wonderful time. I think I need you to be a little more upset for me, if not for Taylor, you know what I mean? Yeah, man.

All right. Well, we'll definitely spend the rest of the day in silence after this episode is over. Sounds good. I love it. Send your condolences to Holden. There you go. Yeah. By the way, if you want to send me a DM, not like mocking me or like shitting on me,

but if you want to be like, hey, you know, I'm sorry for your loss and like I love you and I love Taylor or whatever. But also, if you happen to throw a little like looks go mad or something. I'm like, keep me in my place. I mean, slightly. I still think about a hold and looks so

matter. Like, Neely, you are proof that looks to look so matter. And my mom said, you are proof that looks do not matter. And before I was like, Jackie's brilliant and everything,

you know what I mean? It's like, you guys had such good compliments. I loved it, man. You can see again, though, right? I can see again. Oh, my God. And we're at the end of the show,

ladies and gentlemen. Yes, welcome back. And thank you guys. much for joining us on this week's episode of page 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram, but Jack That Worm. You can come hang out with me over on Twitch.tv forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie.

On Sundays, we play dating sims with Lisa Rose. And on Tuesdays, we talk to Dr. Jordan about our sex questions. And on Wednesdays, we play everybody from the network as a sim. So come and hang out. Love it, dude. Go to last podcastnetwork.com

for tickets for this new stretch of the tour. We're coming all over the whole nation, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, we're going to Salt Lake City. We're going to Denver. We're going to Vegas. We're going to Portland. We're going to Tacoma.

We're going to Oklahoma City, Kansas City, St. Louis. And by the end of this week, we are also going to have our September dates and cities released. So look out for that on Last Podcast Network.com. Love it. Also check out patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. If you want to get weekly bonus content for just $5 a month, Jackie's book reads, if we want to hear about teats, if you want anything to understand what all that teat talk was about.

Also, though, we do the leftovers. We're about to record after this. So silence will have to wait for a little while longer, as we'll cover all the articles we didn't get to in the show proper. And, of course, ad-free episodes on the main feed are all on that $5 layer. It's an incredible value ad. Also, $10 a month. Join us on Thursdays on Discord for our Jersey Shore watch-alongs.

We're watching Family Vacation now. the kind of like the follow-up series. And it's great. And it's... It is so good. I don't want to say it's good as the original. Yeah, absolutely. And check me out on Twitch.tv.

4.S. Holdenatorsho. Monday through Friday streams with the Capper being the Friday, Jack and with the Holdies that I do with Jackie every single week. It's always a fucking blast. So join us there. Twitch.tv.4.000. Holdenators ho. MJ.

My name is MJ. And I'm MJK LKat on Instagram. Hell yeah. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.