Page 7 - Ep. 491: We Wanna Say Thank You, Holden

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

This week we're missin' everyone's favorite Swiftie, but Jackie's Backie from her FuckieMoon and ready to CLUCKCLUCKCLUCK 'bout Met Gala DRAAAAMAAAAA including why anyone would want to honor Karl Lagerfeld in 2023 when Choupette is still alive and ready to party, Jared Leto betraying his stilted Italian accent HOUSE 'A GUCCI roots to play the aforementioned cat owner, Lil Nas X meowing at reporters and Doja Cat finally reaching her Final Form, Penelope Cruz picking a gorgeous Chanel dress (that Karl Lagerfeld would have detested, along with the others), the odd feeling one gets upon hearing 'North West setting up her Mommy's Room before the Met Gala' and the many luxuries that included, Pedro Pascal taking out his SLUTTY LITTLE KNEES for a galavant at the Met Gala, Liquid Death teaming up with Travis Barker to make an 'Enema of the State Collectible Enema Kit', and for the first MJ hosted Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Did Joe Alwyn play as Taylor Swift's beard for a Grammy?!? A list of celebrity quotes to show celebrities definitely aren't like us, blindz that will have you SCREAMING and SHOOOUUUUTSSSSSssssssss Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, it's Jackie Zabrowski, and Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going back on tour with the release the butthole cut tour. We're coming to your town. Hold it. Where are we going? Salt Lake City, Denver, Colorado, Las Vegas. We're going to Portland, Oregon, Tacoma, Washington, Oklahoma City, Kansas City, and St. Louis, Missouri. Where can they find tickets, MJ? For tickets, go to Lastpodcastnetwork.com. What's that again? Lastpodcastnetwork.com. Hell yeah. Honor of the greatest show of all time, release the butthole cut, which is coming to your town soon.

Yes, guess what has gotten back into my head? Say, oh, Mr. Mastafolese. Oh, you don't want to do it? You don't want to keep going, MJ? You scared? You scared of how intense I can get about Mastophiles? Oh, well, I think we all know that it goes on. about three minutes.

Oh, it's a long time. It's a long time. But you know what? I am also looking forward to having Mr. Mastafelis in my head all the time because now I associate that song with a lot of happy memories. Right.

It isn't that nice. I re-encoded it in my brain. How beautiful that is, that it doesn't make me grown with sadness. It makes me grown with how many espresso martinis did I drink. And that is a beautiful place to be when you're on tour. Yes, we are hitting the road starting next week. Get your tickets at

lastpodcastnetwork.com because this show, it's a show for you. Oh, it's not just, we're not just sitting there with microphones. I tell you what. It's a real go to the theater show. It's a go to the theater kind of show. Also, you might be wondering, there is a just a deep-throated lizard voice that's not accompanying MJ and I this morning. And I know that you miss, you miss, You miss how it's just the little pustules on his neck go, Hello. Oh, okay. Oh, I'm Bronchi.

Here I have from the sewer. Now we can make fun of him. Yeah. Let us loose. No, old Mr. Holden is having family time. So he's not joining us today. So it's just as chickens. MJ, we have been doing this show, I think, for,

I want to say 12 years. Yeah, I never know how many years. That's the side of how many years it's been. I have no idea how long we've been doing this. I believe that this is the first time we've ever done the show just the two of us. I think that's true. I feel like I have a memory of maybe doing it once in like pandemic, just the two of us. But honestly, neither of our brains are going to ever know because there are some memories.

Why am I talking about encoding so much? I don't know. but some memories that get encoded and they stay, and some memories just leave. And a lot of page 7 memories are there forever in a great, wonderful way, and then some of them are just gone. Now, you know, my problem is I blame that on my marijuana consumption. But sometimes maybe it's just my brain, yeah, maybe it's encoding.

Should I start blaming encoding instead? Apparently I'm thinking a lot about encoding. I think it's because I've been listening to a parenting book, and it's all about how we can like, help our memories be encoded as positive ones instead of negative ones if we go back and repair after conflict. Oh, I thought you meant just yelling at your kids. This is positive.

This is a positive memory. No, that worked. I would have been thriving this whole time. No, it's like I'm listening to Dr. Becky's parenting book. If any parents out there are Dr. Becky people and it's very good. And her whole thing about like, she, her thing is like,

everyone's going to like flip shit sometimes. But the difference between how your brain encodes it is like, if your parent flips shit at you and then just like leaves it, then that gets encoded as a like, oh man, like I, you know, showed my vulnerable side and then I got yelled at.

So maybe I won't show my vulnerable side again. But if your parent flips shit at you and then you come back, the parent comes back after and is like, listen, I flipped shit. and I'm sorry, that's on me. Here's where I'm validating you and seeing you, and here's where I'm taking responsibility for my behavior.

Then it gets encoded in the brain differently. Instead of as just I had conflict and I got shamed, it gets encoded as, oh, this was actually a moment of connection with me and my parents. And so going back and repairing after difficult times, and this can probably be translated to all relationships. I was about to say, isn't that every relationship? I feel like I do the same thing.

Yeah. Anytime that at the moment, basically the conflict can, if the conflict ends in connection, it gets encoded as a, you know, something that's like, you know, associated with feeling connected and positive. And if it doesn't do that, then it gets encoded as like, you know, shame or whatever. And so that must be why I can't stop saying the word encoding. Incoded. Yeah, everyone, take a sip of your coffee every time MJ says the word encoded.

And then everyone's just going to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I listened to page seven today. Notice I encouraged coffee. Yes, even though I guess, you know, you're not supposed to drink that much coffee anyway. But say that to my high blood pressure, okay? Well, speaking of encoding memories, Jackie just encoded lots of memories. Whoa, good transitions.

Thank you. Jackie just went on her fucky moon. Yes, I went on my fucky moon and I've got on my fucket hat that I got on my fucking moon because we were at the Japanese gardens in Portland, and there was this mushroom bucket hat. And Jeff's like, that matches your fit. And I was like, it does. And so he bought it for me, and I wore it for most of my honeymoon.

And I love my bucket hat. It's a pink. bucket hat with kind of very classically like 90s psychedelic mushrooms, like very much looks like if you also had, in our town it was called Reality Check, if you had the store where you went to get like your hemp. Oh man. Ours was called Y, the letter Y, the letter B, and then it was normal without the A.

Oh, that's nice. Why be normal. That's pretty weird for Florida. Yeah, that's where I bought my incense. Oh my God, I was so bad. I was buying incense. But, you know, so it's nice to find those weird places. Yeah, so that's where we went for like there was a back room where all the kids did their

magic the gathering. And anyway, that's the type of store where you would get this bucket hat that is on Jackie's head. Hell yeah. Yeah. Or maybe a Spencer's gift. Yeah. But I am rocking it. Like I am running out of time over here.

And yes, we had such an amazing honeymoon that I saw when we were at the airport, I did burst into tears like a child because I didn't want to go back. And not because my life is that difficult. Like that's the thing. and I just kept talking like, our lives are amazing. Right. We, it's not even like, we don't even have, we have nothing to take care of except for ourselves. How beautiful is this experience? We're not going back to a hard, like, I'm not going back to the coal mines.

Right. I'm coming back to, to talk about my fuck it had and my fucky moon. But I did cry and, um, it made me, it reminded me of in pandemic when I had adult tantrum because I couldn't hang out with my friends. And I literally was on the bed. I just went like, nah. And Jeff just was like, get it out, get it all out. And sometimes I just got a tantrum a little bit.

But at least I cartoonishly tantrum. It sounds like that is encoded as a memory that you didn't get shamed for. No, I did. Jeff stayed calm. Oh, always. You can let out your feelings. Yes. No, he's very, oh, my God.

All right, I'm getting up on my soapbox here because I have to say it because I explicitly said this to one of the people that we met along our journey. We went on this crazy road trip through the Pacific Northwest. We had a magical time. Jeff surprised me because I am a crazy planner and Jeff surprised me and like every day

found these cool places for us to go, these hidden, cool places for us to go and none of them were too scary for me to hike to except for one, but that wasn't his fault. He didn't realize I was going to be scared of sand dunes. And I didn't know I was going to be scared of sand dunes.

And we went to the dunes that inspired Frank Herbert to write dune. and we went to this sleepy little town and we went to the library of this sleepy little town and we talked to the librarian who had a room that was dedicated to dune artifacts because Frank Herbert lived there and there was no other thing that said

this is a dune town so we went to the dunes and Jeff is having a field day but they are they're sand mountains they're sand mountains that move when you walk on them and I was like No. I was like, I'm going to get swallowed up. There's going to be some sort of like, like, quicksand or something, and I feel like I'm going to be swallowed up. And then I talked to somebody else that was talking about, yeah, you got to be careful for the pockets of air that can suck you under in the dunes.

This is why I don't go on hikes, honestly. I get it. I just was talking to a friend who has a three-year-old, and he was like, yeah, we like go on all these beautiful hikes. But one time we went on this hike where there's this, like, beautiful water. And it's so scenic, but you just have to watch out for the 100-foot sinkhole that is in the area where everyone swims. And he was like, and then my toddler's head went underwater. And I started panicking because we were near the sinkhole. And I was just like, and this is why I will never see nature again.

I don't enjoy that type of uncertainty. No, thank you. I understand. I'm so scared of the outdoors. and this was a big exposure therapy trip for me because I was like, I need to stop being so scared. And I like, I talked about in therapy. I was like, is it because I'm a plus-sized person?

Like, is it, like, do I feel like I can't rely on myself? And I really think it does all come down to the girl who loved Tom Gordon, which is a Stephen King book about a girl who gets lost to the woods, and she's getting hunted by some sort of supernatural thing. And I swear it all goes back to that. Really? I was, I'm pretty sure. I was going to ask if it's because you were raised in New York City.

I mean, there's also that. Because I also, there's also, oh, your kids are going to be terrified of nature. Yeah, like New York City kids, like, they don't learn how to drive. They sometimes learn how to swim and they don't learn how to navigate the outdoors. No. But, man, they can read a map like nobody's business. That's the thing. They can, like, navigate an entire city by the time they're like nine.

But if you drop them in the sand dunes, they're running back to the car. Horrified. And Jeff is so good. Talk about encoding. Take that sip. Jeff is so good at talking me through these situations. I never feel shamed. I never feel like he's losing his patience with me.

I don't know how I found this one. You know what? But also, I want to, like, scream about it from the rooftops. And because Holden is not here, I can do this? Because can you imagine the, oh, they're so in love with you, We get it, Jackie. Oh, so you fucked a lot. I'm like, yeah, yes, we did.

But also it was magical, okay? Sometimes it goes past just being horny. Can I contain multitudes? Yes, you do contain multitudes. You contain much horniness and much depth. Yes, and we did stay in, we went, we stayed at this very run down place in the middle of nowhere where there was almost nobody in this town. We straight up, we went to a hotel.

They called me the day before and they're like, we're just going to leave the keys for you because no one works on Sundays. And there was literally no one else staying in this hotel. So we show up. We open up the door. There's a big hot tub in the middle of the room. But also there's a plaque that says Paul Allen stayed here. What, explain that to me. So I also had to look it up because I didn't know who he was, but he created Microsoft with Bill Gates.

Oh. But it was the weirdest. Notice you did. didn't know. I didn't know. Jeff knew who Paul Allen was. I didn't know what I was like, oh my God, Paul Allen stayed here. No. He was like, why is there a black here? That's just Paul Allen stayed here. Was it a day? How were the rooms? Horrible. But, well, no, it wasn't the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the hot tub in the middle of the room with the carpet and the fireplace, but the whole thing was carpeted. So it was kind of, um, it was, it was interesting. Yeah.

It was an interesting hotel. But we ate a lot of fish and chips and now we're obsessed with the Pacific Northwest. And like I said to you, MJ, before we started recording, I feel like it opened itself up like a big green vulva. And I just feasted. I like had a honeymoon feast. Yeah. I love the Pacific Northwest so much. And part of our first round of tour when people kept being like, what do you have against Portland?

What do you have against Seattle? I was like, bruh, I would kill to go back. to Portland and Seattle. I had so, I haven't been there since 2010. I went there in 2009 for a wedding and then 2010 for a wedding, both of which were just like, I had the funnest time. I just drank, delicious microbreu. It's just like everything, it's just one of those places. It's like New Orleans where it's just like, you will just like, I mean, it's very different than New Orleans in terms of vibe and energy and feel. But the way that when you're in New Orleans, you just like know that everything you consume is going to be excellent, both like culture, music, food, drinks.

It's like, I feel like that's how the Pacific Northwest is just like anywhere you go is going to be beautiful. Beautiful. And like delicious and like relaxing. And haunting though, the same way that New Orleans is. Like Washington, when you're going through like the Olympia National Forest and it's just like there, this is how many people I can feel the spirits of this land as you're driving. Like I, you know, like you hit some cliffs and I'm like, I get. get why people believe in God. Yeah.

Like that's how beautiful it was. Like I understand the concept of it. And it's just like such a feeling. Like I feel like you cannot bring your New York City energy to the West Coast. They will tell you to relax. Like they will be like stop and slow down. Like they literally happened to me when I got off the plane. I was like rushing around the Portland airport trying to find a light rail.

And I asked somebody for help of the guy with an airport worker. And he was like, it's all right. you don't have to rush. Like he like, calm. You're like, I always have to be rushing. There's always something that needs to be done. Don't you understand? And he was just like, welcome to Portland.

It's beautiful here. Like, you got time to get where you're going. Like, it is like, it really is like a mindset change. So, you know, you find God. You slow down. I'm extremely excited to go to all these places for the tour because many of them are places I have not been. The first tour I had been, I think, to almost everywhere.

And this is like going to be a bunch of new cities. and I'm so excited for the West Coast because it really is just like a breathtaking place and what a perfect place for you guys to do your honeymoon. I'm so happy that you're able to finally do it. Oh my God. It was just, I just got to soak in Jeff for a week

and I'm obsessed with him. I'm obsessed with him. You're that Holden? Yeah, Holden. I'm obsessed with him. And he hates our love. Squish on out of here, you big me, know. And also squish on into the,

Met Gala. Oh my God. The Met Gala, 2023. I straight up, I'm going to be honest here. I had to look up. I know the name Carl Lagerfeld. I am familiar with the fact that he was a fashion person. And that was the extent of what

I knew about Carl Lagerfeld before this Met Gala. I am very grateful to the podcast maintenance phase because they did a diet book, deep dive, on the Carl Lagerfeld diet. So that is how I had, he wrote a book about it. And that is how I knew that name and learned about some of his like eccentricities as this like old guard, you know, from the high fashion world.

And needless to say about his book, the man did not like fat people. No, no, very much didn't like fat people. Said that Adele was too fat. very, very small-minded in the idea of what beauty is. Right. Very old school thoughts of what being beautiful could be. Right. And that's very upsetting to read about.

But don't worry, they had a whole, I'm not saying that the man isn't a fashion icon. So I understand why, like, the Met Gala is, like, they made explicitly when people are like, we're not celebrating the man in his thoughts. We're celebrating how he changed the fashion. industry. And it's like, oh, okay. Okay. I'm not saying he did it. Still be an icon and have some detestable, you know, thoughts attributed to him. It happens all the time. And some of the things I took away from what I was reading about Carl Lagerfeld, for those of you that don't know, he was the head of Chanel for a long time. He is what, like, created the double C logo for Chanel. He's what,

like, kept Chanel one of the big fashion houses. Right. He also worked for, with Fendi as well, and created his own lines. But, but, like, kept Chanel one of the big fashion houses. But, you know, what I find the most interesting about him because I needed to look up why Jared Leto and Doja Cat dressed up as cats because again, I don't know anything about Carl Lagerfeld. And I learned a lot about chuppet. Tell us about chuppet. No. Is it chuppet? Shoupet? I don't know. I think that sounds a lot better than what I was saying, which is like, chupet. I got a chupetti cat. He's big and furry. I don't know. I took six years of French, Jackie. Do not ask me to pronounce a single word.

It didn't take. You don't know chubin? It did not take. I got nothing. I was in Dubuque, Iowa. I was not hearing the proper way to pronounce French words. And as a result, it is just a big blank space. It's just like a square with a question mark in my head.

I have even less clue of how to properly say it. But it is a Berman breed cat that he was given by a friend in 2011 and he became obsessed with this cat. The cat is Instagram famous. I feel I'm sorry, Shupet, that I did not know that you were so famous and that is why Jared Leto. And also, Doja Cat looked

beautiful, amazing and terrifying all in one go dressed for her MetGala. Look up the Doja Cat MetGala look and you'll see how she took her interpretation of Shupé and what Jared Letto did. I am

Well, first of all, I want to say to Doja Cat, I feel like Doja Cat is telling us what cats could have been in terms of like, if you wanted to create like a kind of uncanny, human-like yet beautiful cat, like she did it. Prostetics. It's all in the prosthetics. It goes back to our issues with cats. Yeah.

Oh, it triggered. I just got triggered. Yeah. Like, it's just like this, like, if the movie Cats, if everyone looked like Doja Cat, it would have been great. You know, but so she did a good job. I have to say, as anybody who's listened to the show before knows, we are not large Jared Letto fans. No.

And I am ashamed to admit, I loved his costume. My group chat was very torn. Most people were anti. But I thought that it was awesome. Yeah. You were into, you were. So essentially, Jared Letto just wore a big cat costume. It looked just like Shepad.

It looked really good to me, the cat head. Like, it was a good cat costume. But also, Jared Letto, I found out in this article I did not know is playing Carl Lagerfeld in an upcoming biopic that he is also producing. Oh. Yeah. So he's really invested in the world, in the Lagerfeld world. Uh-huh.

All right. But also, Lil Nas X had a very, apparently only responded to reporters with meows because he also had like a cat mask on. I love him. I love Lil Nas X. Lil Nas X. Did you see his outfit too? Oh, yeah. Oh my God. He looked so good. He looked so good. Again, recast 2019's cats with Doja Cat and Lil Nas X and then call me. Yes. I will love that film. Please. I loved, and I loved this article that I found talking about Penelope Cruz on at the Met Gala as well because it was exactly what I thought that this is the person that wrote the article just wrote, Cruz looks like the Virgin Mary. And I have. I am screaming, mother! And I understand I am with you that Penelope Cruz was given full access to the Chanel

archives and selected a look from 1988 for her to wear on the, like, that's how you fucking do it, man. Go to Chanel, like, find something that is awesome as shit and just like roll up looking great. Yeah. Yeah. I know the MetGala is like its own special thing aside from just like rich people dressing up because it's a kind of a theme party and it's this, you know. It's a big fundraiser. And it's a fun.

Right. And everybody's goal. It's the whole thing is like, you know, you're on the red carpet. But I still some, you know, high fashion is just so inaccessible to me. Like I actually had a moment with Freddie this week where she, you know, as I've mentioned, she just loves like, you know, fabulous. stuff. She loves glitter, fancy dresses, heels, all that stuff. And we were like waiting across the street and this car pulled up and a person just got out of the cab. It was like somebody getting out of a car. And I was not even remotely paying attention. I was paying to, I'm sure I was

paying attention to other things. Being a mother of two children, two young children. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you have something else on your mind, MJ? But also, I'm just like kind of oblivious to fashion things. I just don't know. People are always like, oh, living in New York City. There's just beautiful people everywhere and I just like don't really notice those things. And this woman just got out of this car in front of us at the crosswalk and went to go do what she was doing. And Freddie was just like, wow, she had such beautiful shoes. And I looked back and I noticed and like, indeed she did. And I was like, wow, like, it is so cool that that is something that you notice. Like, I just don't notice. Like, I just don't know how you have an eye for looking at paintings or you have an eye. I think they're hot. Like I can notice them. But when I walk around my day, I just don't. I feel like it's like a skill, just like how you have an eye for looking at paintings or you have an eye. for listening to music. Looking at fashion and seeing things is like obviously like a skill set. And like obviously it's what you can build, but also I think it's one just like art where some people just are like, this really speaks to me. Are into it. Yeah. And like, you know,

Freddie is just a person where fashion like really speaks to her. And usually for me like when there's the Oscars or even the Metgala, I'm like, I like looking at the outfits, but I don't really have anything to say. But there was something about this year's Metgala. Somebody on Instagram sent me like a little story. Somebody had made a story with all of the, with like a, you know, 30 or 40 of the best outfits. And then they had a poll so you could vote like yes or no on the outfits. And so I just spent like a lot of time looking at all the outfits. Also, there was just like so many really cool and interesting outfits that I feel like this was one of those times where I was like, okay, I understand why people like love this. I also understand why people hate it. It's, it was also on

Mayday on the eve of the WGA strike. And so to. all these rich people just like parading around. Of course, some people find that to be really annoying. But I'm like looking at Taika YTT. I'm looking at Pedro Pascal. I'm just like, this is, it's cool to see what people can do. And it's cool to look at this as like an art form, you know, which I'm usually not thinking of it as.

Right. And the fact that it is like, you know, we've talked about this in the past too where like they, I understand that it's a huge fundraiser for the Met and that's very important. but if they could take some of these funds and maybe give them, you know, to other charities, I think that that would be, like, because these celebrities pay so much money. But again, I don't know the ins and outs. Maybe the Met Gala is secretly given a bunch of the money to help people in need. We know that that's not what's happening.

But maybe, maybe benefit of the doubt. Trying to believe in the good of people. It's all about the mushroom hat, y'all. That's how you, once you put this mushroom hat on, I am vibing and everybody is groovy. Just have a fucking hat. And listen, after the revolution where everybody's resources are more fairly distributed and everyone is thriving and everybody has like the ability to live without fearing that they won't have a place to live or food to eat, we still should have fancy costume parties.

Don't get me wrong. Like there's nothing wrong with fancy-ass costume parties. So that's the part of the Met Gala. That's fun. It's like, yeah, of course we should have fancy costume parties. We should just also redistribute these people as well. Yeah. But that's for another time.

Yeah. And I mean, it's for the perfect time to talk about Northwest setting up her mommy's room so that mommy can get ready for the Met Gala because talk about... So this, I've got a couple of questions. Let's talk about this real fast. So the headline is fans question Northwest's lavish pre-Met Gala gift for Kim Kardashian. That apparently Northwest, the nine-year-old. I know that, and don't get me wrong, I'm sure Northwest Nine is very different than me at nine. I'm going to throw that out there.

I think that we have a little bit of different lines of what I was doing at nine. And she set up this room for her mother Kim to get ready, and it included three massage beds, surrounded by white rose petals, countless bouquets of flowers, and dozens of lit white candles. And it was a very, like, romantic set up. Yeah, I spent a lot of time thinking about this as well. What do you think about it? You know, it's so hard, I feel like, to talk about the Kardashian kids and celebrity kids with that. Because I try, like, so hard to, like, not, since having kids, I feel like I try so hard to not judge parenting at even very famous people's parenting and, like, to, I don't know.

I just, it feels like, I don't know exactly how to, like, weigh in. on this and I was looking at this and I was just like it is like the the space between what most people's lives are like and what the ultra rich like alt and celebrity like Northwest like life is like it's you may as well be a different species right like imagine being nine and being like obviously you have like probably many personal assistance such that you can I mean also like let's just again to ground what nine is, you know, I taught elementary school for 11 years, like, nine-year-olds, like, still play with toys, you know?

Yeah. Like, like, on the verge of, like, not playing with toys, but, like, they are still very much kids who, like, cry when they're upset and cry when they get hurt and, like, play pretend, you know, like. Because nine is not a tween yet, you know? And, of course, by nine, you're having all of these bigger, like, I love nine-year-olds, actually. I think that nine-year-olds is, it's, like, the most fun age ever, because you have the capacity

for all of this more advanced, like, thought and these extremely creative ideas and, like, extremely deep levels of thinking, and you still are completely imaginative. You're, like, not totally, like, lost from the, you know, the playfulness of childhood. And so the fact that, like, this child's life is such that she's like, well, I'll, like,

I'll do something nice for my mom. You know, I'll just get this idea and I'll, like, tell my staff, to make it happen. And like the idea of course has to do with like having extremely nice things brought to us and this. It's just so it's like unfathomable to me to think about what that life would be like. And I'm not and it's not I'm not even saying this in like a shade way. It's just a completely different way of being alive. Being a person. And I'm not sure what it could what I don't know what it does to the mind to have that level of wealth when you are at that. And scrutiny, you know, that's the other thing. It's like there's no part of me that's like, oh, you know,

fuck Northwest. She's a child. She doesn't deserve scrutiny, judgment, none of that. But it's like, I cannot fathom that that's what your relationship is like. Also as a mother to be like, oh, we'll have like some mommy daughter time before the mat gal. Like, it's just so, so weird. And, And also like to be that young and to like probably be old enough to like no one understand at least most of what kind of like is going on with your parents would also be really intense, you know? I don't know. It's just I was really, the Northwest story I was struggling with.

On the other hand, her outfit was awesome. Amazing. And I thought it was, I was, I wanted to ask you is this kind of like, as my, you're my Zoomer. expert and I know that like Billy Elish kind of is it because of the hat. I know Billy Elish kind of pioneered like you know I don't show I don't wear like I cover my myself because I want to be the one who decides you know how I show my body and it seems like that's something that is pretty resonant with a lot of zoomers like to that like they have a very different relationship with like their obligation to show their body than certainly we did as millennials I love to see it early 2000s and it was I loved

when I saw a Northwest outfit I was just like I wonder if that, to me, because she was wearing this like really cool jacket, you know, and it was just like a, you know, long sleeve, you know, long sleeve jacket, long pants or whatever. And I was just like, it was interesting to see, you know, as a young, very fashionable person, her relationship to like, you know, totally redefining how you dress up and how you present yourself, you know, as a famous girl. Yeah. But that, and an outfit like that, we did.

not see anything like that in our youth ever. No, no, no, no. That was for, you know, think of Christine Aguilera in a genie in a bottle music video. That's what I'm thinking about right now. Right. And you can't make me not think of it. Think of the Olson twins. Oh my God.

You know, like, think of like what their life growing up. The countdown to when they turned 18. Right. Remember that? Right. And then everybody just shamed. They were like, I guess we show our bodies because that's what you're supposed to do. And then everyone was like, sluts.

You know. Yeah. So it's like, it is cool. I like seeing famous young people be like, we, our generation has a completely different relationship to this. And I think it's really neat. But then, yeah, specifically for the Kardashian West's thinking about that level of wealth and being like, oh yeah, my mommy date is like, you know, probably, I don't know,

what did that little stunt, the little massage room with all the rose petals cost? What did that cost? I feel bad for the other nine-year-olds. I feel like she's really setting it up for other nine-year-olds to never be good enough for their parents. when like I feel like at that age I was making, I was still making like a macaroni crap for my mom. Just being like, do you like me? Do you accept me?

And not just like being, because like I'm not against the fact that like maybe Northwest did have, you know, helpers that she was like, put the roses there, put it over there, make it look like this. I'm not saying she didn't do that. But to say that she organized and executed this. on her own would be a lie. Yeah, it's just a strange, you know, I think just like the young generation now has redefined their relationship with how to show their body. There also seems to be like a very changing relationship with celebrities and their kids.

And it seems like the Kardashians are not that, you know, like the way that like, you know, Beyonce and Jay-Z were so careful to keep Blue Ivy out of the spotlight. And how many celebrities are like, I'm going to let my kid be a kid and then let them decide how they want to deal with fame. It seems like the Kardashians did not go that route, and it makes sense because that's just not how their family works. It's all in the spotlight. Right.

It's just, we are a family who lives in public. Also, you know, Succession just has me thinking a lot about what it would be like to be this rich and what it does to your mind. And I don't think it could be that good. No, you shouldn't just jump on the copter to get somewhere when there's traffic. They don't even have to think about traffic. They just go to the copter. Yeah, man, Succession.

But then at the same time, I watch Succession. And I'm like, ooh, but I'll bet that the parties have such good food. Yeah, but they're not eating any of them. Yeah, that's the thing you're not allowed to eat it. They've got their butts and their pantsuits. Sorry, I'm just thinking about Shib's butt in the pantsuits. I can't look away. I'm just, I feel like a creep.

And I'm like, I'm sorry, Shiv, but I can't stop staring at your beautiful behind in these pantsuits. Are you horniest for Shiv of the whole cat. or is there anybody else who outhorns you? I think it's up there for, I think I'm between a Tom and a Shiv. I was going to ask, I'll bet you're a Tom Wams Gell, aren't you? It's Pride and Prejudice.

It's not my fault. It's not my fault. Anybody who love Pride and Prejudice is a Tom's Wams can't stand. But also any of them. I mean, give me, like, any of them. Well, talk about Jeremy Strong at the Met Gala. I liked it.

I think I liked it. It's too bad that he's so, like, in the zone. I know. auto zone that he's too into like getting into the character and that it kind of puts everybody off. but he is, he's, he's an attractive man, but that makes me not attracted to him. Yeah, I have gone back and forth a lot on him. I didn't used to think that he was hot. And then somewhere along the way, I was like, oh, shit, he is hot.

And then I saw him at the Metgal last night and I was like, you know what? He looks like Willie Walker from Charlie the Chocolate Factory. And I don't hate it. I don't hate it. And, you know, man, this might be controversial. But I'd kiss Brian Cox. Oh, yeah. That's, that's like a forever.

That's, that's a, like, please. Yeah. No, that's fine. Don't tell me to fuck off, but like, I'm down with it. I'm just saying. How about would you kiss Kieran Culkin? I would, but I feel like we'd both, like, have, like, one weird night together and be like, let's just be friends. That's 100%.

Whereas, like, not even sex happens, but you're just like, well, you know, this is just, I like you as a fun friend. Yeah. And I would feel the same way about Chopin. because I do want to continue on and talk about chuppet a little bit longer because I went down a worm time about chupé and did I look up how to say the cat's name? No, I didn't. But I'm going to keep saying it in many different ways because one of them's got to be right. That apparently before Karl Lagerfeld passed, this cat, which I think still has like, because there was, there's currently pictures of the cat on a private plane. So I think the cat's fine. But Chupet is. enjoyed quite the extravagant lifestyle back when Loggerfeld was alive with a staff that included two minders, a bodyguard, a chef, and a doctor. She also traveled around in a custom Louis Vuitton carrying case, her silver dishes and brushes accompanying her in their own goyard bag. These days, though, Choupette may not still have quite the entourage, but she does stay busy with photo shoots,

vacations and over 100,000 Instagram followers following her every hairball. Okay, I was going to, up until the last bit of stuff you said, I was going to say, if I had wealth, I would have all those things for my cat. Like I would have a personal doctor for them. Yeah? On a call? And a handler. Yeah.

I mean, you know, the goal with cats for me as an owner of three cats is to not ever have to move them, right? Because they don't want to be moved to location to location. But if you do have to, it would be lovely to have a handler, you know, somebody with their own dedicated car who's going to pick up the cat, take them to the vet. But why take them to the vet if you have your own personal doctor on call? So those are that, you know, sometimes this is why I like watching Successions. Sometimes you hear about the things that the very wealthy can do and you think, let's keep that.

Let's, I would do that. You know, every cat deserves their own personal doctor, just like every human. Just like every human. I'd love to have a doctor. Please. Yes, I'd love to have any doctor. Don't even get me started on the psychiatrist that just left the practice. Don't, I'm not going to go down this road.

You don't want to go down that road and you are correct. Nobody who goes down that road comes back. Goes back. We're not talking about real life insurance problems because that's not fun. Because no one wants to hear anyone scream about their insurance issues. You could also scream about the medication. shortage while you're at it. I'm sure that's a fun little intersection. Oh, don't, don't

even. Why do you think I'm all over the place? I had to get off my ADHD medication, so now I'm just like Bing, Bing, Ming, Ming. Let's me read more about Chupé. And then I have, and then I'm like, two hours goes by and like, what have I done? I have so much to be working on. Why am I reading about this cat?

I like it. I, because I was just ready to talk about Pedro Pascal wearing shorts with a tie because I also want to do that. I know so little about fashion that when I saw Pedro Pascal's look at the Met Gala, I was like, is that good or is that bad? That's the thing. I don't know.

That's why I liked the little voting Instagram stories because I was like, I like it. And then I got to see if my opinions lined up with other people. Did they? Mostly. Yeah. You know, obviously we all can usually predict, oh, that dress is going to go on the worst dresses list. But sometimes I'll be like, I think this is great. and then everyone will be like, oh my God, that definitely happens.

But yeah, what do people say? I mean, I think my guess is that everybody loved Pedro Pascal's outfit because he's Pedro Pascal. And I get the sense that there was a lot of love because Carl Lagerfeld, I think, was a bit of an oppressive figure when it came to both size and gender. It seems like there's a lot of people really liking how men kind of broke some fashion norms on Monday night. because that's something that Karl Lagerfeld maybe wouldn't have liked. Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry. Now I'm just, I just went on a weird vacation in my brain about Pedro Pascal's slutty little knees is what, this is what the internet is talking about with the Pedro Pascal look, that he showed off his slutty little knees.

I mean. And that someone, that, apparently this is. this is a thing on the internet that he was asked about his slutty little knee during an interview with Esquire earlier this year. And he said, what are you talking about? What do you mean? As he gently rubbed his knees because he knows exactly what he's doing. So I guess this is also a nod to the fact that the internet talks about him and his slutty little knees. So he took them out to the Met Gala this year. Oh, okay. See, there's everything. Man, there's everything as an inside joke that I'm missing. That's how I feel.

And I host a popular podcast. Yeah. Stop taking your ADHD medication. And man, you'll start looking all these things up. There is a fun thread that I found by a Twitter handle, they with no name, who juxtaposed images from the Met Gallo with Carl Lagerfeld quotes. So one is like a photo of like Taika YTT, Pedro Pascal. And it says, the Lagrafel quote is, I'm not crazy to discuss fashion with men. I couldn't care less about their opinion. Another quote of his is, no one wants to see curvy women.

And of course, Lizzo, among many other curvy women, killed it on Monday. He also said, See life in pink, but do not wear it. The best example of which is the guy who plays Guillermo from What We Do in the Shadows.

If you did not see that outfit, it is incredible. And then another quote from him is, normally, I don't recommend wedding dresses. and this person put that juxtapose with Penelope Cruz's, like big white gown. So people have very strong feelings about Karl Lagerfeld. Which is interesting because that was a Chanel piece. Yeah, right.

So like, Carl, why don't you take your own advice, huh? You know so much about fashion, huh? He also hated sweatpants, apparently, Carl Lagerfeld. But they're so comfortable. Well, he doesn't look like a man that was ever comfortable. I know that beauty and high fashion isn't about comfort, and that's why I especially know nothing about them. I also don't know anything about using water enemas. We must talk about Travis Barker releasing an enema of the state along with Liquid Death,

which is a collectible Enema kit that he partnered with Liquid Death to release. Now, Liquid Death is amazing. They are so good with their PR. They did that, like, I think that it was around like Halloween time. They did that severed hand candle with Martha Stewart. And like, so they've been doing these creative marketing because like it's supposed to be, you know, that if you're not familiar with liquid death or don't have it in your city, it's just canned water. That is, you know, the cans are better. I don't know if it's just the way they recycle them.

Something is great about them being in cans. I just sounded so dumb. My brain just went. I was just staring at the picture of Travis Barker and then I realized I didn't know what I was saying and it was like, uh-oh, I'm still speaking. Uh-oh, I don't know what I'm saying. Danger, danger, Jackie, what are you saying?

That's what just happened. And I apologize. No, I think, I mean, I have a period of time like that on every show every time I speak into the microphone and I'm like, I can't be held accountable for what I'm saying. I don't know what I'm saying. It just comes out. You know, Travis Barrow.

Travis Barker is one of the two Travis is married to a Kardashian, correct? Correct. And, you know, I remember the Enema of the state cover feeling very, like, exciting and controversial, the Blink 128 cover when I was young. So I guess this is just in the category of, I would put it in the category of, like, nostalgia, early 2000s nostalgia, right? Yeah, and I think that, like, you know, Blink 182 is having a moment right now because they were at the coach. they're, they are killing it right now. Yeah. And I think that he's, I think it's very smart to do, especially liquid death is so,

they're making water badass. And they're like, don't worry, it's not actually an animal. You shouldn't actually put it in your butt. Yeah, it's just a jep. It's a jep. It's a jep. But I was told about this from a, from a waiter in the middle of nowhere in Washington. And he told, and he's like, yeah, you see Travis, like,

about nothing. We weren't talking. And he just comes over. He's like, do you see Travis Barker released in like an enema? And I was like, excuse me?

I don't know. This sounds like a page seven lister because this really is perfect page seven. It is. But he didn't know who I was. He was just making conversation in my head. I was like, as I'm sitting here eating fish and chips,

I'm surprised that you would talk to someone sitting in the restaurant about an enema that Travis Barker was. Hawking. You know what I mean? I thought it was an interesting time to bring it up. Well, you know, it's also an interesting time to bring up a celebrity conspiracy. Oh my God! Do you believe it? Oh, it's MJ! MJ, what are you going to say? I'm so thankful to Holden, even though we have shat on him multiple times already in this show. He did put together a nice little celebrity conspiracy

theory for us in his absence. And so this one comes in from Julia. I believe the email headline of this was you wanted a Gaylor conspiracy. And I'm very excited that this is the one that Holden left for us. So, although it's convenient that he left us the Gaylor conspiracy when he's away so that he doesn't have to take a stand. Interesting. Sounds like a real Hetler move if you ask me. Hitler is such a heterosexual Taylor. Also, this is such a Okay, I don't know if anyone else frequently has the Taylor Swift song 22 in their head, but I do.

And I have a huge problem where I keep walking around thinking that the line is, it feels like a perfect night to dress up like Hitler. I don't know why that's what I think it is. It's hipster. And she says it feels like a perfect night dress up like hipsters, but I cannot talk about my maybe it's a perfect night to dress up like Hitler.

My brain has re-encoded it to it feels like a perfect night to dress up like Hitler. But maybe it's because Holden is a Hitler. So anyway, this one comes in from Julia, who writes, please thank MJ for inviting this because I have many, and this is in regards to the Gaylor conspiracy theory. So this is just one of Julia's. Holden, Taylor is living her best life since

this breakup. Open your eyes. She's not heartbroken. But I digress onto the theory. This is why I love Gaylor's because they're like, this is the only way of thinking. You know, it's just like, they are, they hold strong to their beliefs. All right. So Julia continues, Joe Othelwyn did not write any songs on Taylor's albums. Taylor got him that Grammy as part of their bearding contract. Proof one. Joe's college acting resume, which lists him as being an intermediate guitar player, but says nothing about any piano skills. This whole story that he was just messing around on the piano and wrote exile, no way. He even said in an interview, quote, I can play piano pretty badly.

But he just magically wrote exile on the piano. Taylor describes his piano playing as, quote, unquote, beautiful. Even Jack Antonoff sounds shocked to hear Joe is William Bowery in the Long Pond Studio session. But here's the bigger issue. A Gaylor lawyer explains this way better than I could, but here's the gist. William Bowery isn't credited on Betty, Exile, Champaign Problems, Evermore, or Coney Island. See, this is the thing about Gaylars. This is MJ talking.

They will cite the texts. Oh, yeah. They will really come in with the citations. So we are going deep. I don't even know who, but I don't have enough knowledge of the Taylor Swift producers to even understand this, but I'm enjoying it. So William Bowery isn't credited on all those songs I just listed. Willem Bowery is five times on the paperwork, not a one-off typo. So somebody named Willem Bowery is listed as a U.S. citizen, which Joe Alwyn is not.

Here's where it gets complicated. Five months after folklore's release, Taylor registered exile featuring Bonne Vair. Notice the capital exile, capital E, not a small E. On this registration, William Bowery is listed as a writer, not Willem. And on this registration, neither William or Taylor's citizenship is listed. The same thing happened with Coney Island and Evermore. Re-registered months later with the name changed. Furthermore, Joe was added as a producer to several more songs on folklore, only after it won a Grammy.

So this is basically saying that Joe Alwyn Taylor's X was added as a producer after folklore, won a Grammy. He was added only, do only enough songs to be a producer for 33% of the album the exact amount needed to be eligible for winning the Grammy. Seems fishy, Tay. My biggest life goal is to convince

everyone I know that Taylor is gay. I hope this convinces you that all her relationship was a contract that rewarded Joe for being a good beard with a Grammy. Whoa. Thanks for reading this very long theory. Love you guys, Julia. So it sounds like

there is some fakery going on with the credits and Joe Alwin has been. So Joe Alwyn also won a Grammy? I did not know that. That's insane. Yeah. That's, I didn't know. Because that, because I was like, well, what's the contract? Like, why I have a contract where you just get to be like the boyfriend of Taylor Swift,

who nobody really seems to like? And it sounds like the reason for the contract for him is you get a Grammy on it. Whoa. Also, you get to be Taylor Swift. boyfriend. Sure. Like you also get the like the life of it too. Right. And you know, maybe maybe they're a beard for each other. Maybe he just saw this as a good opportunity because like it wasn't that long. And I mean, if you think about it, like I almost sold my eggs if I wasn't too crazy that they wouldn't take my eggs, but I was going to sell my eggs for like $10,000. Yeah. Yeah. And that would have been a commitment of at least a

year. Yeah. Plus, you know, the knowledge that there's a little Jackie running around out there. Oh, God. Oh, I just need my seed to be. We need more Zabrowski's in the world. Someone take my seed. I know I'm crazy, but I've got a good heart. Take my seed. I guess I don't have the seed. Take my eggs.

We were, when we were talking to the kids about Freddy's birthday and the day that Freddie was born, Zeldon was like, where was I? And I was like, you were just a little tiny egg inside my body and a little tiny sperm inside Papa's body. And then she was like, an egg. but I'm not a chicken. That's so cute. That's so cute.

But it is hard to explain to a kid, well, you didn't exist yet. Yeah. But apparently... Yeah, they don't understand that concept yet. Thank God. If she understood that concept of three, I'd be like, I don't...

Yeah, we got to get her to some sort of, like, a Hogwarts or something. Like, if she understands this. And you know what else didn't exist? Joe Alwyn's relationship with Taylor Swift. Whoa. I believe. Do you believe?

All right. We did it. Yeah. That was great. Thank you so much. Who wrote that? Who wrote in the Gaylor conspiracy? That was Julia. Thank you, Julia. I am thrilled and I can't wait to tell the Gaylor in my life that we are covering this. I did, the episode where we talked about the breakup, I sent it to my Gaylor who just texted me throughout the entire episode about how wrong Holden was about everything. So it is a divided community, the Taylor Shift community. It certainly is.

I'm glad we didn't have a Hetler on this episode trying to muck it all up. And he's not going to muck up my list either. Oh. You have to sing it by yourself. Who's on the list? Me! Jackie! Gotta have that list.

And I want to say a thank you goes out to Jennifer who sent in this BuzzFeed article. Thank you so much, Jennifer, for sending in the list. We don't get lists very often, and I really appreciate that. Because this list goes really well with our MetGala conversation. 16 times celebrity tried to be funny, relatable or wise, but actually came across as extremely out of touch. In 2019, a fan tweeted that she'd been picking up extra shifts at work because she'd need to work 20 hours to afford jeans from Chloe Kardashian's brand,

Good American. Kardashian replied, Aw, this is so cute. I'm so happy you enjoy them. Which 20 hours. This person has to work 20 hours for the pair of jeans. Oh, great for you. Oh, no.

Why would you reply to this? That's a type of tweet that you pretend you didn't see. Yeah. Because you feel guilty about it. Yeah, feel guilty. Or whomever is running your socials, which I'm sure you have a team of those people, should do better at reading the tweets before they respond. Well, how about in the midst of inflation and public discourse about the heavy toll private jets?

Take on the Environment, Kylie Jenner posted a since-deleted Instagram picture of herself and her then-partner, Travis Scott, with their personal, individual, private jets. She captioned it, you want to take mine or yours? I love that the first two people on this list are Kardashian-Generes. The first three people on this list, Kim Kardashian, who was born into a wealthy family-faced backlash when she shared her advice for women in business. She said, get your fucking ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days. The first three are Kardashians. The first three are Kardashians after we just talked about sweet Northwest and her

Mommy and Me date with the massage tables. Man, this family, I don't even know. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. But then, you know, during public discourse about nepotism and privilege, Jennifer Aniston, whose parents were successful actors, told varieties, actors on actors, this thing of people becoming famous for basically doing nothing, I feel so lucky that we got a little taste of the industry before it became what it is today. More streaming services. You're

famous from TikTok. You're famous from YouTube. You're famous from Instagram. It's almost like it's deluding the actor's job. She stepped in it a bit. I don't know if this is the same interview where she was like everyone's trying to cancel all the jokes on friends or whatever. And it's like, I don't know, I feel like she's actually an example. It's funny because I feel like she's held up as an example of like a person who's like face and body have aged very gracefully. And these are like two quotes that of just like just not aging very gracefully. I mean, obviously like there's no question that streaming services are like difficult, make, have to completely change the landscape of like how to be. an actor. And I definitely get that. Like, if you got famous by, like, going on auditions,

then to see somebody get famous from TikTok must be, or from YouTube, must be, like, very frustrating. And so I feel like this quote itself to be like, they're taking actors jobs. Like, there's nothing especially horrible about the basic idea here. But I feel like partnered with her thing about like, oh, everyone's canceling friends. You can't say anything anymore. And it just feels a little bit kind of like old man yelling at the sky, kind of, you know, Yeah, and it does seem very like, it's elitist in a way where like, yeah, there's also just more opportunities for people to get recognized. Like that's literally it. Like, you know, there's so many more jobs for actors than there used to be.

Look at why. Why do you think like the WGA is striking over, you know, making money off of these streaming services that they are basically getting paid almost nothing to do? Right. They're working insane hours essentially as freelance writers rather than being. on shows the way that they used to. And like, there's so many more jobs. We should be happy that there's so much more recognition and there's, yeah, there's just so much talent.

Yeah. Good God. Talent in so many different ways. And if you can, I mean, not for nothing, Jennifer Anderson, but to become an actor the way that you, that she did, it doesn't, I'm not saying it was like, it requires privilege, but it's just a different, like, you have to like, you know, work as a server and go on auditions all day and it was a different landscape and it sucked and it worked for what however minute percent of people who hit it big the fact that like people can make really incredible

you know uh sketches or or bits or whatever content i hate the word content i'm trying to avoid saying it but the fact that extremely talented people can show who they are on ticot and then be recognized for it is a good thing like it is a there it's making it more meritocratic is so it's like people shouldn't have to only become actors the way that you did it's good if people see a TikTok and are like that person is a gifted actor you know and that's not only what happens but also not everybody who was famous and your generation was talented either yeah and also it gives an opportunity for people to be seen right a friend of ours who is doing really well on TikTok is now selling out their stand-up shows and in a way that they weren't able to do beforehand just think of like

what that helps people with and I just think that like it's such a negative perspective of like more people getting fame and recognition. Yeah, I agree with that. Now, in a viral TikTok clip, a fan asked Oprah for a gift suggestion for her mom. But when the fan said the jewelry box she should suggest it was too expensive, Oprah replied, it's not. It's really not. It's like a hundred and something dollars.

For a jewelry box. Can you imagine that like, and how like, because Oprah, like, you. Oprah's one of those people too, where I know that, like, I see her on the memes a lot. When it's like, don't be upset with yourself in your 30s if you haven't, like, gotten, like, Oprah was working in a grocery store in her early 30s, you know, like things like that where it's like some things happen later on in life where,

but, like, you just forget. You just completely forget what life is like. Yes, a hundred. This is like the time that, like, my friend was complaining about, like, struggling to, like, keep up with basic life. And her friend was like, well, it's just really worth your time to get a cleaning lady. It just really is like just do it. And it was like, she was just like acting as if it was like, why wouldn't you do this?

And my friend was like, well, I can't afford it. That's why. Yeah, that's why I don't do it. I'm talking about. Or the hardships that Goop has gone through. Of course, Goop is on this list when she said, I think it's different when you have an office job. Because it's routine. And you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening.

When you're shooting a movie, they're like, we need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks. And then you work 14 hours a day, and that part of it is difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as difficult, of course. There are challenges, but it's not like being on set. Oh, my. Okay. All right. Okay.

All right. Well. It's not as difficult. Why is being a parent hard, MJ? Oh, do you got me. It's not being on set. is it? Well, it's funny actually because right, this year my life is a little bit like how she's describing, right? Like I work part, you know, I work on the show. But before I always had a

million jobs and I was working, you know, the day and then coming home at the end of the day. And now I'm like, I work on the show. I do, but like really the intense part for me this year is when we were on tour. And then I come back and I'm able to have like, I'm like the primary child care for the kids. And I pick them up and I'm like more. And so. So I understand what she's saying in terms of like, yeah, if you're away for two weeks, obviously you're not seeing your kids. Like, that's hard on your family, whatever. But like, you're so rich.

Like that's just not harder. It's just different, you know? Like the idea that like working parents come home and because they get to like come home at the end of the day and they aren't on set that it's easier, it's just like, okay, but goop, how much staff do you think they have? Yes. You know? And also what about the people that like also.

have the concerns of like, how am I going to feed my kids tonight? Yeah. You know, like a lot of weight. It's insane. The mental load of like, of not having enough money. It's like she doesn't remember what it's like. Yes. And also, I don't think she ever knew what it was like because we got another napal

baby on our hands. Yeah. That's the thing. It's just like, if you're just never like sitting there being like, okay, well, who's going to pick up the kids? You know, like he just doesn't have to ever worry about that because she's got staff. How much of our regular people's mental loads is taken up either by the actual labor of maintaining a home, feeding yourself, all of, you know, taking care of the kids, even if you don't have kids, all the other work. There's so much work that goes into it, like of both the labor and the like, you know, the mental labor of it.

And when you outsource that labor is just, you know, you're outsourcing it. It's just different. Like, you know, she's still a parent. She's still working hard. No question. But it's just different. You're just outsourcing some of that labor, and you've got to just own that. Yeah.

And so there's nothing wrong with it. Somebody's got to do the labor. And it's usually either people in the family or somebody outside of the family. And there's pros and cons to both. And for Guadne with Paltrow, she will always be able to pay somebody to do the labor. Yes. And she also runs a health and wellness site, but has, in discussing the potentially harmful side effects of too much sun exposure, such as skin cancer, Paltrow sold cosmopolitan, we're human beings.

And the sun is the sun. How can it be bad for you? I don't think anything that is natural can be bad for you. Oh my God. It's just so perfect. Health and wellness. It's the perfect like encapsulation of how simple her mind is to be like nothing that is natural can be bad for you. Like, are you serious?

Have you never heard of like the 1800s? You know, how many people were fucking dying of shit that was natural? Like, come on now. People think that are natural, kill people all the time. All the time. What are you talking about? Protecting people from being killed by natural things. That's why we live in houses.

But don't worry, you should follow her advice. Get that ozone. Put it up your ass. And she's next down the layers three goops in a row. She said, I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can. Wow. Now I'm mad. Damn.

Damn. She's in a can is fantastic, Gwana. And then four times in a row, I am who I am. I can't pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year. I mean, that's true. That is actually a level of self-awareness that we should find refreshing, I guess. Oh, my God. Also, I love her example of $25,000 a year.

It's just like that is, like, you know, that is an amount of money that is very, very, very difficult to live on. I just wonder why that's the number that came to her. That number is still like 10 grand above the federal poverty level. So she just, Yeah. She just picked a number. I mean, not that long ago, I made $19,000 for the year. So, you know.

Yeah. Yeah, it's difficult to live. It is. It's very difficult to live. Yeah. But I don't know. Oh. Can you even see my bucket hat anymore?

Where did you go? Oh, go. You look so beautiful in your bucket hat. Thank you. I can't see you. I think I'm going. Blind! Items.

Ah, I can't see them. All right. Let's see how this goes. All right. Oh, no. How is this out? Did you write down any notes of how you're going to give me hints? I know.

God, no. I should have, though, because I will surely be worse at it than Holden. And once again, we thank you, Holden. Mert, Mert. Sweet Holden put together all of the. the blinds for me. And I appreciate that because he's very, very good at that. And we want to say, thank you, Holden. Thank you, Holden. All right. This is our first. Negotiations are underway to pay this not quite yet legal celebrity every single one of, you know, mid eight figures to stay silent

about things she knows once she hits that 18th birthday. The sticking point is how much will be paid up front and how much annually. Right now, it would be $30 million up front and then $2 million a year for either $10 to 15 year timeline. And then at that point, see if another negotiation or payment is needed. It is quite possible.

The person who wants the silence could be dead. I am so confused. Okay. So this is so interesting to be behind the scenes to know what it's like, to know the answer. Okay. So this is a celebrity. She's not quite legal yet. So she is a teenager. She is soon going to turn 18. There is a silencing deal being negotiated for how much she should be paid for her silence once she turns 18 and for how long. The deal has to do with... Sydney Sweeney isn't under 18, right? Sydney Sweeney is an adult. I believe that, yes. But this teen is going to be

paid for their silence. I'm using their not because they go by them, but as a gender neutral pronoun to not give anything away. This team is going to be paid for their silence for up to 10 to 15 years at that time. Shena Ortega under 18? The reason for the silence might be because the person who needs the silence could be dead, although that would be a fairly young death for this person. So what child has an adult who has a lot of secrets that they need? Surrey Cruz. Yes. Yes.

I was literally just scanning my brain. I'm like, young people, young people, young people, young people. And then I realized, what secret does Sidney have that we might. Well, she's talked a lot about like the way euphoria is. created and how she feels in in shooting euphoria. But also she's just been dragged through the mud when it comes to everything on the internet. Yeah.

Like the internet has this weird hatred and obsession with Sidney. Yeah. And I like obviously I don't know her as a human being, but like I feel bad for what she goes through. And at least as far as I know, I know that she was like in a picture. with a bunch of people wearing like Trump stuff. Oh, like there was all that stuff. And like, but I don't, I haven't looked too far into why it is this way.

But it makes a lot more sensitive Surrey Cruz. And I, I, but every young person I could think of isn't under 18 anymore. I was just like that. She's not under 18. Jane Ortega is 20. Right. Millie Bobby Brown is 19. Yeah, I actually, I guess it makes sense that Surrey is about to turn 18.

And there is a little note from Holden on this one who writes, it all kept Surrey knows about Tom's fish fuckery. Yes, she must be kept quiet. Yeah, I think that that's, so yeah, I mean, that's talk about a contract. That's a contract. There's also, apparently, I did not include this of the articles this week,

but, and we are going to be talking about one of these articles on the leftovers that MJ and I are going to be doing this week over on the Patreon. But apparently, Tom Cruise also signed some contracts that, whatever issues that were had with him with the British government and whatever they know about him, it's all being swept under the rug because he's a part of the coronation that's happening. Yes, we've got to talk about coronation. The coronation is a ponstice. And we will be talking about that over on the leftovers over on patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast.

Because all the other celebrities said no, so they got Tom Cruise. That shows you how rough it is for King Charles. But, all right. Are you ready for blind number two? Yo, yes, yes, I'm ready. All right. Law enforcement is focused on whether the former late-night actor was having sex in his car when it was involved in an accident. Former late-night actor.

But not a host. Not a host. In my head, it was like James Corden. And now I got to pivot away from James Corden. An actor might have been fucking in his car when he got into a. car crash. But late night actor? So a show that is on late at night,

but is not per se like a late night show. Okay. The show's on. Skins. The show is on. Law and order. Late at... The lawn order's always on.

The show's on late at night once a week. And this actor is... People love to talk about having sex with him. and Pedro Pascal. No, he's got just... He's got just a vibe about him that people talk about his... Harry Styles.

Nope. He's got... Robert Pattinson. Nope, there's, um, let's see, how do I? We have been talking about his ex several times throughout this show. It's so hard to do alone. I know.

This is so hard to not bounce off of it with somebody else. An actor? who has a lot of sexy energy around them, whose ex is from a family whose daughter bought her a nice little pre-met gala party room. Oh, okay, the Kardashians. Okay, but a late night actor. He was on a show that came on late at night once a week,

and he's got a big, sexy energy about him, who everybody wants to date him. He's got big Nick energy. That is a circle reference, sorry. People are screaming. Everybody's screaming. This might be my phone. I'm also screaming.

My brain isn't working. I blame not being on the ADHD medication. All right. He is, whenever anybody breaks up, people put a picture of this actor next to the duly broken up person because this guy gets around so much. his father died on 9-11. Oh, Pete Davidson. Sorry for that clue.

That's the one that got me. That's the one. Sorry for that clue. I completely forgot that Pete Davidson even dated Kim Kardashian. Late night, SNL. This makes so much sense. My brain! I was losing my mind.

He wears bucket-edgeds like me. It's big Nick energy like the BDE. You are giving me great hints. This wasn't on you, MJ. This was solely on me. I couldn't handle the pressure. I cracked under the pressure. I'm sure you're part to do it alone.

Yeah, you don't have anyone to help you. I've no one to bounce it off of. Holden's note. Davidson crashed his car on March 4th into a Beverly Hills home with his girlfriend, Chase Sui Wonders, riding, shotgun. and holding the ad's parentheses, maybe also writing on Pete's Diop.

Diop! So wouldn't it be just like Pete Davidson to have sex and then crash the car? Just like World According to Garp. Yes. I'm not. Let's talk more about World According to Garp. We could do multiple episodes

on World According to Garp. You throw MJ and I in the ring and we will talk about World According to Garp. It's just so good. All right. There is one more blind. Oh, no. Not that everyone's upset.

Oh, no. People are probably upset with you, probably upset with me for that hint. I'm so sorry. No, you were doing a great job. That was on me. It was like all I could think of that's a really specific Pete Davidson thing. When a company can spend $5 million on private detectives to follow and dig into the past and present life of a political figure for six months and we're willing to spend much more.

but apparently got enough to make the life of the figure horrible. Maybe the political figure should think about negotiating. Apparently, this is the APO research package to end all APA research packages. Okay, so this is a tough one. All right, so a company from your home state spent... DeSantis. Yes. Dang God.

It's like he's the only horrible political person I have at the front of my brain. And if it's not him, it's going to be really difficult for me to juke around this in my brain. You got it. Okay. This is a Florida themed one for me. All right. I appreciate it. And, of course, the company is Disney.

So apparently Disney spent $5 million on private detectives to get a big APO research package on DeSantis, which, you know, hard to sing the power of Disney. It is a very powerful corporation. And apparently Disney recently filed a lawsuit against Descentus. Santis over his attack on them. And man, that is a fight. I will be excited to watch. I will watch it. I want to watch this piece of shit just be taken down.

Also, so, like, I grew up being like, evil. The kind of basic politics I had as a kid were like, well, Disney is bad. And I don't know. I don't think I knew why, but I was like, it's big and it's bad. And they tell me to like princesses and I don't like that. And of course, like, there are reasons now more. understand more sophisticated reasons to dislike Disney. But it is pretty fun to be like Disney versus Ronda Santas. I guess I love Disney now. I love Disney. I'm pro Disney. Use that money. Take him down.

Please. For us. Yeah. So. Don't fuck with Disney. If there's one thing you learn that's they make it very clear, don't fuck with them. They've got the money to take you down. And let's watch it happen. then I will watch this tape. It's not the kind of tape. We usually watch. Very different tape. It's a tape. I will watch.

And I can watch it because I can see again. Yes. Welcome back to the seeing world. You did a really great job as Holden. And you gave no murp, you know, clues. And I appreciated that.

Although I would know the answer. What if it's said of my horribly untasteable clue? I had just been like, you know, instead of saying Pete Danez. Well, it got me to remember and I appreciate. it because I was about to put my head through the window. So you did it to save my life. And thank you so much for doing that for me, MJ.

I appreciate you. Well, you are very welcome. I think that's, is that our show? That is our show. Thank you guys so much for hanging with just us chickens today. I had a blast with you, MJ, and it was so nice to get back to our roots. Yeah. Except you're not hammered this time.

Yes. Any other time we have done this that long ago in the past, we probably were drunk. Yeah, that is probably if we don't remember why. If we don't remember if we did it, it's probably because we were drunk. Yeah, you know, oh, the good old days. Was it? I don't think it was. Thank you guys for hanging with us.

My name is Jackie. Welcome back from your honeymoon, Jackie. Oh, thank you. I hate being back, but I appreciate you saying that I'm back. And I appreciate your appreciation. My name is Jackie Zabroski. You follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can come hang out with us over on patreon.com slash page 7 podcast.

The leftovers this week is going to be with me and MJ and we're going to have a blast. Also, come check out on Twitch.tv forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie this week, this Friday, one time only. We are doing jacking with the MJs. We are, since Holden is out of town, MJ is going to come in and co-host, jacking with the holdies with me. So if you're listening to this on Thursday or Friday, yes, it is. is this coming Friday. So come hang out with us over on Twitch.com. TV forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. And that is going to be at 3 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. I'm so excited. We're going to jack with the MJs. Oh, yeah. We're going to be listening to

music videos and we're going to be, there's going to be some singing and there's going to be a lot of smiling. And there's going to be a lot of wishing Freddie a happy birthday. Yes, it's Friday's birthday birthday! Well, is that all of our, and also, of course, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com for tickets for the release of the butthole cut tour.

Yes. We will see you next week in Salt Lake City, Denver, and Vegas. Tell your friends, make that road trip. And we've got June dates coming up, Portland, and Tacoma are in June,

and a lot of new dates dropped. We got some rest belt dates going on. We got Columbus. We got a lot going on. So go to last podcast. We got some Missouri's in there. Two Missouras. We got Tampa, Florida.

That'll be fun. We got Atlanta. We got Nashville. I going to wear controversial sweatshirts in all of these locations. Yes, I will. Hell yeah. And I think I'm going to close it with I'm MJ and you can find me on Instagram at MJK Elcat.

We love you guys. so much. We'll be back next week with a page seven rewind of the year 2013. So come check that out next week. And we are going to have so much fun with it. And then we'll be back IRL in two weeks time. Do we sing shoutouts now? Yes, we do. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're got to read out to you. Come on. We're going to read out to you. Come on. It's time for the page seven shoutouts. I'm gonna kiss them all with consent. Sorry, I've got damn Riverdale Roundup theme song stuck in my head.

We are just too catchy. But I am here to do shoutouts, and you can send in your own shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com. You can send in whatever you'd like, conspiracy theories, lists, whatever you're into. I am here and I am reading them and I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time just to send in whatever emails do you want to send in. And I can't thank you guys enough. Now, I am starting out my shoutouts today from Francis and I love me some overalls. Love!

And I just wanted to throw it out there that I did get the overalls, the ones that I wore last week that I was so excited about. I got them off of Poshmark and they are Torrid overalls. And they love them and they make me feel so young. And I'm not the only one feeling young in overalls, Francis. Francis says, overalls for all. Hell yeah, Jackie, I'm in my dungarees season. I'm from England and that's what we call them here. And I am living for it.

I turn 35 on the 18th of May. Taurus baby. Hell yeah, happy home's birthday, babe. And I'm leaning into a one and done look. I'm talking dungarees. Boilers suits, jump suits. Dungarees dresses and shorts combo one and done. I want to pop on an outfit and not have to rummage for a matching thingy.

I want to be dressed and comfortable A. F. I'm doing away with being uncomfortable and I am leaning all the way in. My daughter, Clementine, turned six on the 22nd of May. Happy almost birthday, Clementine. And we have matching dungarees and are ready to take on the world. Well, until she decides I'm not fun anymore. Don't worry, Clementine will come around, Frances, I promise you. I was just messaging my bestie, Katie, who was from Massachusetts,

about how this is Dungarees, 20203, and she needs to get on the comfy train. Please give my bestie a shout out, shout out, goes out to our bestie, Katie. She's going through a tough time right now, but is finally doing stuff for herself and putting herself first, and I'm so bloody proud of her. She deserves all the love, magic, and star shine that life, can throw at her, and I cannot wait to be reunited with her in October so we can be spooky, comfy fishes. Can all of the Page 7 family please put out all of their vibes together and put energy into

this process in her life going smoothly and successfully for her? If you met her, you'd love and adore her like I do. I already do just by how you describe them, Francis. Thank you so much for sharing your bestie with us, and all of my love goes out to you, Katie. And thank you for sharing a picture of your latest dungarees. I was so jelly. I love the color. And I love you so much, Francis.

Thank you so much. And I would love to do a tour in England, please. Oh my God. If this tour goes well, we're on our way. Baby, we're on our way. So much love to you, Francis. And now next up, oh, comes Natalie. Natalie, I just want to say,

I remember when you wrote in about Cinco de Ocho, and I am so excited to be able to describe it to everybody. Natalie says, happy early Cinco de Ocho. Last episodes, you guys lamented about needing a new friend-oriented holiday. So you are cordially invited to celebrate Cinco de Ocho. I think I wrote in about this last year, but when our friend group splintered across the U.S. to do this dumb thing called living their lives,

we still made sure to all get together at least once a year for our holiday, Cinco de Ocho. It came about when no one could make time for Cinco de Mayo, but we were always able to get together around the eighth. My husband drunkenly proclaimed that day to be Cinco de Ocho. We know it doesn't make any sense, and to celebrate we would eat tacos, drink margaritas, and watch a Fast and the Furious movie to celebrate chosen families you find later in life.

The holiday is best celebrated when someone with face blindness chooses which fast and furious movie to play and then complains that he can't tell a difference between all of the bald men in the films. Yes, one of our friends can't tell the difference between the Rock and Vin Diesel. I don't think we can ever tell him about face off or his head might explode. So from our chosen family to yours, happy Cinco Deo. And I can't wait to see y'all in Portland.

It's my 33rd birthday weekend and I snag me. I beat tickets. Oh my God, Natalie, I can't wait to meet you. Please remind me of Cinco de Ocho because I love this holiday and I love your friend group. And it makes me smile just thinking about everyone getting together when we're all separated across the country. Oh, thank you so much, Natalie. So much love to you guys. And next up, oh my God, such a cute shout out, Taylor.

Taylor says, I've never written in before, but I just had to send in this shout out. I want to shout out a few incredibly inspirational, awesome people. They are named Holden, Jackie, and MJ. I just watched the April Real stream with my wife last night, and I am truly amazing. by you three. You're so genuine and open with your fans that creates a connection for beyond a comedy gossip podcast. Your openness and honesty with each other is something you rarely see. Each one of you is so unique in the best way possible. I know Roundtable of Gentlemen came up and Jackie expressed some regrets from that show. I've listened to it 100% of the way through three times. I totally

understand how in reflection some distasteful jokes might have been said, but that show has brought me hours upon hours of joy. Being 33, it almost feels like I've grown up with LPN. From my stoner emo teen phase to my 20s, life sucks, let's party and make stupid jokes phase, to my adult, get married, buy a house, try to have kids phase. It's like I've matured with your crew. Oh my God, yes, don't worry, I still party. Don't worry, Taylor, I also still party. No sorries for the long message. I just needed to tell you three how special you are. Some of the stuff Holden said about his insecurities broke my heart and really hit home. I too at times have anxiety about how people see me, to the point I used to replay conversations I had earlier in the day in my head at night,

wondering if I said something stupid. We can all get over these things together. Love you all. You are each extremely hilarious in your own way, for the sake of us true fans never change. I love you, Taylor. Thank you so much for the well wishes on the break. And thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts, my heart is fully warmed on this day, and it's grown three sizes. Oh, no, call a doctor. And don't call a doctor, I'm fine. You can sit in your shoutouts to B7 podcast at gwold.com. I love you guys, and thanks for hanging during our chickens' episode. Just us chickens clucking in the pen. Do they live in a pen? I don't know where chickens live. In a house? In a coop. It's a coop. I remembered. It's a coop.

I love you guys. Talk to you next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.