Page 7 - Ep. 493: Let Utah Cum

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

This week we're gossin' 'bout the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile being no more thanks to wOKE PC CULTURE!!!!!!, Candace Cameron Bure says she's not a burger boy, but she sure is a CHICKEN CHOKER, Nick Cannon continues to prove he is neither a good partner nor father, The Ultimatum: Queer Love is comin' to Netflix and YOU BETTER BE READY FOR IT TO CONSUME US AAAALLLLLL!!!!, celebrities are feelin' the G U I L T, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Is Miley Cyrus secretly releasing music as Clara Pierce!? Lastly, a list to inspire for the VIP Meet & Greets (JKJKJK, but get your tix naaaoooo), blind items you can hardly recognize, and SHOOUTTTSSSSS!!!! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, page 7 and Wizard and the Brewser are going on tour. Yes, the release that Butthole Cut Tour. Holden, where are we going? That's right, starting in June. We are going to Portland, Oregon, Tacoma, Washington, Oklahoma City, Kansas City, and St. Louis, Missouri. Where can we get tickets, MJ? For tickets, go to Last Podcast Network.com. What's that one more time?

That's Last Podcast Network.com. Yeah. Noice. I don't know if you're ready for this, but it is going to be. be a controversial beginning to the episode. So hold on to your hats. I just want bang, bang, bang, bang. I don't want relationship.

I just want bang, bang, bang. I don't want to know your name. I just want bang, bang, bang. I don't want to meet your mom. I just want bang, bang, bang. Why are you both looking at me like you don't know this song? What is that from like the king and eye? What is that?

Sounds like you're doing like an old like 40s, like 30s musical number. From the king and I. they're talking about bang, bang, banging in the king and I? What they're talking about? I don't know what's going on right now. Never been more confused. You don't remember this?

It was like one of the first viral videos. It was a stick figure and he's banging another stick figure. What? Here. I was way off. Are we talking about... That's got to be... That sounds like early YouTube, a time in comedy that I'll never understand.

It was a golden age. What do you mean you'll never understand? Do you remember the YouTube video about Ted St. Stevens out of the internet is a series of tubes. Back when you could just get a three and a half, four minute long YouTube video, it was just a compilation of various funny images. And, yeah, you would watch it over and over again for weeks, you know.

It was a very different way to consume it. I didn't like, I didn't like also, what was the shoes? Yes, the shoes. This is around the time of shoes, 2007. Oh, okay. Came out in 2007. We talked about this. We talked about this.

Nobody knew what I was talking about. the yata yata switchy guys uh-huh it was like a very very early viral video I don't know that one either somebody other listening is going to be like yata I guess we're making up viral videos right now

so do you guys remember ricochet I am not making up yata I thought if anything Holden might know it because of nerd culture Jake might know it I think Jake definitely knows it Jake's an encyclopedia of all things

stupid internet. So yeah, for sure. If you look up bang, bang, bang by group X, everyone, everyone out there, your brain is going to unlock and be like, I do remember this because I've watched this dumb music video at least 100 times. We should try to just make those

OG insanely bad flash animation. Like, yeah, like Paul Revere, wasn't that one? Yes, the Paul Revere one, yes. And we'll just make up songs, Lonely pony. Lonely pony. Let's go back to the Vine days. Yeah, back to the Vine days.

And things are simple. But the problem, I never cracked Vine. This is my problem. We were just talking about our TikTok struggles. I never cracked Vine and that's where it started and ended, I think. I think now I'm trying to be a master of the talk. And master of the talk about ticks. And it's just, I'm, by the.

the way, I will be putting up more celebrity conspiracies. The only reason why I stopped was just because I went to Charlotte and then we were like, and then we were here. Something happened. We went on tour. We haven't unlocked it. We haven't unlocked our talking style. We haven't unlocked it. Send us some TikTok suggestions. What content do you want to see in the talk? All right, I'm going to keep doing the celebrity conspiracies though, because there's a whole corner of the internet. The problem is right now I'm moving through, I think, all the really rudimentary ones that everyone's talked about for decades now, like John Bonae Ramsey, Katie Perry and stuff like that. but once we get into the deeper cuts,

honestly, we probably should just turn it into a fish fucker Tom Cruise page. Yeah, we'll do, you know what you have to do, you have to do like a series of Tom Fishfucker Cruz. Yeah, just make it a fish tack. Yeah. Can I talk about how he fucks fish, though? You have to get very creative

with your use of words. Very vague, right? He has trials with fish of a canterbury nature. Everyone will understand what you're saying. That's the way to go. Yeah, just make it up. Yeah.

Let us not forget that Jackie got Shadow Band from TikTok for inviting Jason Sadekis to come get her Ziti in a suggestive way. And said it was bullying. They said it was bullying. Well, you were sexually bullying him, which I've seen you do to many people. I'm just saying I'm a great Ziti. That is all she said. She said it in a suggestive way. Yeah, yeah.

And she did insult Olivia Wild's salad dressing, but we all did. And we all didn't get banned, just Jackie. Far too simple of a dressing. And we all agree unanimously as a society. Well, anyways, if TikTok, you know what, man, cancel it, government. Get it out of my life. Please. Whoa.

They are on their way. Don't give them any more encouragement than they have already. You're right. It's spyware or whatever. Get it out of my life. You already experienced what it was like. to go to a state and not be able to log into a website. The website was Pornhub,

the state was Utah, and we are still recovering. I think internet port's a little different than Tick-Tong. I don't know. I think everyone has a basic need to ejaculate, okay? And so it's important for the world to have internet pornography and are accessible in our lives, especially once you get older,

there's maybe you have a kid or something and you have to like secretly do it with a portable situation. That should be the slogan for it. Let Utah come. Make Utah come again or whatever. They could get behind that, right? Yeah, right?

Just a white, like an off-white hat we'll write it on. Like kind of a off-white color hat is what we'll recognize. I'm as upset about that as I am about them changing the name of the Wiener Mobile. I'm so to the Frankmobile. the all beef, beef, Frankmobile? I know. Get F.

I know. This is some TikTok level censorship over sex to change the Weirmobile to the Frankmobile. What we need to do with TikTok,

get it out here. It's too old to understand TikTok. It's so funny. He wants it banished. I'm pretty sure that's also what's happening in the government as well.

We don't get it and the teens are good at it. We don't get it. And the young women dance for me. on it and it makes me feel uncomfortable about my own That's my favorite part too is that they keep screaming

and they're like, and the algorithm keeps showing these young girls making these dances. It's like, well, that's because that's what you're looking at. You must be looking at it and you must be harding it in some fashion. Because that's how the algorithm works. I am so embarrassed when I hit search on Instagram because

the suggestants that come up is so horny and sad. Every time I, it's I'm like, all right, guys, I get it. The eye is to stay on certain videos and pictures a little too long. And now you're suggesting to be like nothing but like hot cosplay girls. Oh, no.

Mine's all Akatar fan art. See, exactly. Which is great. Male female Instagram in general, I think might be a little interesting the difference, right? Because I'm pretty sure most of us out there are, have a horn. It is so horny. Every time it gets to the reels and we start like scrolling the reels, it is all just like scantily clad. Nauty.

All right. Is this the only thing I'm into? I think I have other hobbies. But you are saying you are accepting the fact that it is your fault, right? It's my phone. You are looking at them. Because the eye lingers. It's biological.

It's his phone. It's not his phone. It's not his eye. It's his phone. It's so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. No, no, I'm admitting fully that there's just, I think it's just horny dace, but it's literally that's it.

I don't even get like video game stuff. It's just, oh, whoa. And I'm just like, all right, bro. I'd just say like Instagram Street Fighter 6, Instagram Street Fighter 6. No sexy lady, Street Fighter 6. No sexy lady, less pressed, more pinball. Oh, he's saying. Keep screaming it into the phone.

It's people like you that made the WeinerMobile change into the Frankmobile. Yes. I actually, you know, I say that. It's people like us. It's people like us. WinnerMobile was too sexually enticing to me because of how horny I am. Change it to Frank. Good old Frank.

Yes. You can trade a, you can sit down and talk to him about sports. What we need to do now, the only way to make this right is to, you know, mass campaign, make the word Frank more synonymous with cock than it occurs. is because it's not. It is one of the lesser slash maybe not at all words for cock. And obviously we got to bring it back because we can't let them take away the Wiener Mobile from us. So we have to, we can't, if we can't, we'll just up the horny. We'll up the horny for Frank. Oh, give me that Frank. Give me, give me that Frank. Oh, is your dad's name Frank. I'm sorry.

We got to start talking about hard Franks, you know, we just got to bring it back. I need a footer of that Frank over there. Weiner 2. Weiner 2 is like, I literally, I say it when I'm purposely trying to be unsexy sounding. Hey, you want to look at my weiner? It is the funniest. It is so deflating. And one of got to be in the top five words, less, like the least sexy words for cock out there.

Yeah, completely. This actually, you know, I would say just to, I mean, this began, like the Weiner Mobile began during the Great Depression. It's been around for a long time. really do feel upset about its censorship. Keep the WienerMobile, the WienerMobile. As the hot dog ambassador of the southwest region of the United States of America, I have a say. And I'm going against Oscar Meyer.

Keep it the WienerMobile. Yeah, I'm surprised you don't get more phone calls asking about, like, your delegation on stuff like this. I'm always on the phone. Ring, ring, ring, hello. Yes, I say eat it with mustard. Okay. Especially given that I have seen you now introduce yourself as the hot dog ambassador for the Southwest Region of the United States in person. Genuinely.

She'll bring it up. Unprompted. Genuinely to people not having to do with anything, they don't know you do a podcast or anything like that. You were in a hot dog restaurant. You were in a hot dog restaurant. So it's not totally unprompted. But she said it was such sincerity. I couldn't believe it.

Jackie is a, you know, she's a sincere person. But often, obviously, she's got jokes. And in this conversation, she was so serious. She was just like, so I'm actually the. ambassador, the hot dog ambassador for the Southwest region in the United States. I've seen this more than once, MJ, and the best part is the reaction.

It's always like, oh, I know people. Oh, okay. Wow. Wow. Do you want a special toy with your meal? Do you want a cray on? I got really excited because when we were in the Pacific Northwest, I went to a Dutch brothers,

which is like their coffee chain up there, and I loved it. And I went up and this woman commented on my hot dog tattoo. And so I told her. And so she very delightfully, and I also told her about the podcast and everything, she wrote mayor of Meat Town on top of my coffee and then drew hot dogs all over it. And it was absolutely adorable. But I also think that sexually I should be referred to as the mayor of Meat Town.

That interaction is how I think listeners imagine you moving around through the world. Like everyone just meets you and it's charmed by you. and draws hot dogs all over your coffee because that actually is pretty representative of how you relate to the world. Yes. Yeah, and I love it because she's like a personality shield for me in society too.

So I get to just kind of lurch behind her, just kind of like. Let her do it. Just kind of, yeah, let her. Yeah, yeah. I just sit in the back and she, I have gotten, I love traveling with Jagging that way because she, oh, yeah, you want to go.

This place over there. Oh, yeah, hot talking about. I'll talk to you anytime. Never be nervous about talking to me. I'll talk. And I'm the one in the baggish. She's like, you fucking burn it. That's why our VIP need and greed is so great because Hold's just sitting in the back mumbling,

talking about his Frankfurter and I'm just like, I'm nice to the fans. I'm talking about the fucking guy at the car rental. Remember that? Oh, God, that guy just talking about his restaurant at the car rental. We were trapped in the conversation. you know what I mean. He really. And I just let her talk to this guy.

Holden left me out to dry. Like he was just like, didn't help me talk to this guy at all. So I was just like, I got a, there's this phone issue. I'm just watching hardcore pornography. I'm just watching some lady on Instagram. I love, it's so funny

when politicians would ever speak out about like the overt horniness of like Instagram. It's like, bro, that is. you, Doc. It's what your eyes are lingering on. Horniness is in the eye of the beholder purely on Instagram and Twitter and all of or whatever, especially Instagram. So funny.

In terms of the Weiner Mobile, I want to say that I did read this into this pretty, I tried to find out is this because of the word Weiner and the brand manager at Oscar Myers being very vague about it in a way that I don't appreciate. They are not actually saying it's because Weiner is a funny word for penis. but they do say the weiner mobile is a beloved American icon that has been sparking smiles and driving cravability for our iconic delicious weaners for nearly 100 years. This summer. Driving craveability.

Wow. That makes me want to throw my phone across the room. And she continued, this summer it's time to highlight another fan favorite, our delicious 100% beef franks. When Oscar Meyer makes anything we prioritize taste over everything, So no matter what kind of hot dog you enjoy this summer, if it's Asker Meyer, no, it'll be 100% tasty and it'll 100% make you smile. I want to know, are you caving to cultural conservatism about the weaners? Or is it, are you really just trying to tell us a Frank and a wiener are different things

because it's 100% beef or some shit. I think that it's censorship. Yep. I agree. But they won't say that. They won't admit it. Also, I understand it's not Frank footer, but I am trying to make it more dick-like by saying Frank footer instead. Like, it's a foot of Frank.

So I just need everyone to understand that, hot talk ambassador. I like beef. I will say that. You like beef, eh? Well, I mean, you are similar to someone else. And that's Candice Cameron Bray. Yeah, I said it. I just compared you to Candace Cameron Bray.

She does not, if we're talking about Cox, I'm not sure she likes them. I mean, enough to have children. Yeah, no, she talks about having. Oh, yeah, you're right. She talks about having sex with her husband all the time. She's actually very pro-Frank footer. She wants it covered in any kind of slick she can find. And it's weird how much she talks about having sex with her husband, almost to a point that it makes you kind of not believe it.

Yes. I forgot. She's weirdly like pro-horn for her, but not for thee. You know, isn't that interesting? She's allowed to have as many footlongs as she wants, but not for queer people. And this is coming up because she had this extremely annoying Instagram post saying that she doesn't ever eat fast food except for in and out. So it's like, okay, so you just have a favorite fast food restaurant. Is that your point?

But no, her point was I have some sort of moral superiority because I don't eat fast food, not Taco Bell, not anything. And as Jackie pointed out, the internet went aflame, pointing out that she's a liar because she doesn't. definitely went to Chick-fil-A in 2012. And of course she went to Chick-fil-A in 2012. And what was happening with Chick-Fillet in 2012, you ask? Oh, there was a giant conflict in June of 2012 after the CEO of Chick-fil-A made a series of public comments against same-sex marriage. So the timeline here is Candace Cameron Bray in 2023 makes this post about how much she hates or she doesn't eat at fast food places, which is just not a political point except to be like, I am classist. I'm better than you.

Yeah. Yeah, it's just a judgy. Yeah, it comes on very fucking classes to me. I, it great. So I just, ugh, I just hate it. It's so judgy. It's so, why? Because she says, she says this, some days I wonder what a burger and fries is like

from McDonald's or Burger King or Wendy's or any of these other places I've never eaten at. Today is that day. Am I going to find out? No. Okay. Shut up. Shut up.

And first of all, who follows her? Probably a bunch of moms because she's like all family-friendly shit. And I'm sorry, if your audience has a bunch of moms and you're fast food shaming, fuck off because a bunch of those moms are probably really fucking tired and overworked and get their kids fast food. And now you're like, I don't even know what it's like to get fries. And so she does that thing, which is really annoying. Yeah, which is so annoying.

Internet comes back. And then why does in and out get this pass? People are way to value in and out way too much. This must stop. This has to end. We were talking about this because like I enjoy in and out. Don't get me wrong. But the way that the cars are literally around the block waiting for in and out,

I just would never wait that long for a burger. It is so insane to me. Why is that the morally superior choice too? Like if she's making a point about like, I don't do fast food. Okay, it sounds like you do do fast food. Right, because, yeah, if she was just saying, I don't eat fast food because I'm not like a burger fry gal. Right, right. I get it.

Hey, it's a burger fry world out there when it comes to fast food, all right? And you're not burger fry. I mean, that's insane to me. Burger fry, ride or die for this guy. And also she claims that she was only drinking iced tea. She wasn't eating at the chick filet. She was only drinking an iced tea. Yeah, that's her response.

So when people said, actually, what about this picture of you posing with Chick-fil-A? and yeah, her response was, well, I didn't eat there. That was just an iced tea. But again, why do we think Candice Cameron Bray posted a picture of a proud, this fucking fast food shaming person posted a proud picture of herself with Chick-fil-A in 2012? I wonder if it was in response to the controversy around Chick-fil-A being extremely homophobic and her showing her support for Chick-fil-A. So it's like this, it just turned into this hilarious, extra gross thing where she's like,

I'm going to be a little classist. And then it's like, actually, this is about me being homophobic, like in this weird way. And by the way, while we're at it, you know what I mean? Closing on Sunday makes me like God less. You know what I mean? Every time I would go to a Chick-fil-A and it would be closed because it was Sunday. You know what I mean? I would just like kind of curse God or whatever.

I'd be like mad at God. So it's a dumb move, Chick-fil-A. Get your shit together. You got to build that into the business model. I know. Like how Walmart has to account for, like, things breaking on the shelves. Chick-Fly has to account for all the cursing of God that happens on Sunday. They should be giving out free chicken.

They should get on free nuggets on fucking Sunday. You know what I mean? And we'll be like, all you have to do is thank God. And I'd be like, yeah, praise. You know what I mean? And do the whole thing. And then dance or whatever for the nuggets. But instead, I get...

And you have to say, my pleasure. Yeah. My pleasure. he is he is risen you know or whatever i do the whole thing for some nuggets and some waffle fries free you know what i mean every every time i get a chick-blay he has risen he has risen also also talk about fucking rules uh you know i was reluctant to go we were heading home from the san francisco show and lexie was like i was like gonna maybe go to mickey d's we we went off to rest stop and say sidetrack candis you'll never experience how great this is too stopping at a rest

stop with all these great options and you choose your favorite one. And I was like, you know, and she's like, well, I want to go Taco Bell. Well, we can go to both. You know what I mean? And I was like, no, I'll go to Taco Bell. Fucking right on the money, man. Yeah, man. Great. It's great. It's great. It's also, again, having kids, I didn't eat fast food for a long time just because I was vegetarian in the early 2000s when most fast food places didn't really have options. So I ate the fries or whatever. But it wasn't part of my like routine to go to McDonald's or, you know, Burger King or whatever. But now that I have kids, if we are on a road trip

and I see a McDonald's, I'm saying he has risen, you know? McDonald's knows how to feed children on the, like, it's great. You can get French fries. You can get nuggies. You can get some applesauce. It's like, praise Jesus, you know.

I want to start saying. You're trying to get you to do it. Jake Mala is trying to get you to do it. But yeah, you're still just praise it as I just try to say he has risen instead of thank you from now on. He has risen. It's like all December. I just like to say he is the reason for the season no matter what I'm talking about.

Right. Quick round of favorites. I'm a BK boy. I was a McDonald's kid growing up and now I'm a BK boy in my adulthood. What are you guys leaning towards? I don't think you want to get into this, Holden, because you named my... Jack of all trades, master of none. They over on Whizbrew decided to rate all of the fast food chains.

Fast food chain tier list. And they gave Jack in the box a C. And you are wrong. You're just so wrong. The C for cook it again, Sam, or whatever. That was smarter in my head. But regardless. Cook it again, Sam.

He has risen. Get out of here. Unbelievable. By the way, in New York City, it's going to be a Popeyes. If you walk by a Popeyes, you've got to stop and get the chicken sandwich of Poplice. Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. Well, New York's, NYC is a strange beast, though.

NYC is what kicked my fast food habit. Right. Because you get there. They don't have fast food there. Good fast food. The fast food. Fast food is, every place is pretty much terrible. Like, at least if you're talking about the,

I'm not talking about necessarily Popeyes. I mean, there are horrible Popeyes, but there are also some good ones. But just the basic ones, Burger King McDonald. They're all like nightmare zones where like wars hat, like people are just, you know, It's just not the same. And it's way overpriced for terrible food. And it's food that's meant to be eaten in the car. You know, I feel like that.

The joy of fast food is like, it's in my car. This is so great. I didn't even get out of my car. Exactly. In New York, yeah, you're like, I have to navigate several fights to get to the front of the McDonald's. And you have literally next door is a dollars for a slice of pizza. Right.

And next to that is a bodega where you can get a sandwich for $2.50. And it's better than anything you can possibly. have, you know, it's, it just totally changed my head around in terms. I was addicted, though. I was a fast food junkie when in high school and in college. So we had, oh, Wendy's across the street for me in college. And, man, I was just, I was just addicted. I would literally, every other day, I'd be like, it has to be Wendy's.

What I need right now cannot be any other food, but Wendy's. Did you get into the bacon, Natta? No, I didn't, you know, I never did get into the bacon, netta. I was never, I'm a burger fries boy till the day I fucking die, dude. I'm not fucking around. I get a hamburger and I get a french fries. Is it the baconator also a hamburger just wrapped in bacon? Bacon,

I don't do any gimmick. I don't do any gimmick shit. This isn't a wrestling match. It's lunch. Whoa. I'm getting fucking straight up burger, put slice of cheese on it. Maybe bacon, probably not at fast food, though. I'll get bacon.

at like a burger spot like a nicer burger like five guys I'll get bacon right you but you know are you saying bacon data because you want to talk about ronald swartzenegger no i just think baconita is fun and i sound like i've such a good arnold switzinger um impression yeah yes that's got me do it see did you think that he was here it was me it's jacky come on give us it's not a tumor Do it. It's not a tool. Boys have penises, girls have vaginas. Wow.

Remember that? Are you really are being a Candace Cameron beret? It is the kid who's also on Full House, who's also in kindergarten cop. Yes. I need to re-watch kindergarten cop. I always quote those two lines all the time. And I haven't seen that movie in so long. It's not a tuba.

No, I really need to, before we get to Arnold Schwarzenegger, need to talk about another daddy in media and that is Nick Cannon and Bree TSE because we have to bring up the fact that one of Nick Cannons and I hate to just say she's not just a baby

mother of Nick Cannons she's also her own full person that is Brie TSE who is now a part of selling sunset for the new season of selling sunset and the internet has gone aflame for it and it's crazy because I watched

you know, like I haven't seen selling something. They're in season six. I stopped around like the beginning of season three. As a reality consumer, I've always been a little curious. Can you give us kind of the gist of what this show is trying to be? They're real estate agents and they're selling these like, like, it's cool because like my favorite part about the show was like looking in the homes that they were selling. I was wondering, like that is it like a, is it more like a HDTV style, this is about the house

show or is it more like a reality this is about the drama show it's about the drama it's definitely more about the drama which is why i fell off of it because like i was definitely into it it's i it is very like if that's your kind of reality show i talk about this all the time i'm more of like in the dating like married world of reality that's more my thing yeah so i like selling sunset a lot but i just fell off of it because i'm not as like you know obsessed with it as i'm about to be with like ultimatum queer love you know what i'm so excited so also also i'm so So everyone brace yourself because this week ultimatum, queer love is coming out on Netflix, and we will be discussing this for the next like three or four weeks on the show. Just need you to know it. We're all going to watch it. I'm going to be obsessed with it. I know. Absolutely.

It's our succession. Oh, don't. I can't believe. I know. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's so good. Oh, we finished the newest episode last night.

I say finished because that's how I watch shows now. I watch half one night. the other half the next night. I'm raising my hand because that's how I do. We watch half of, but it's fun because it's like, every night is like a two-parter situation because like we do that because we'll watch half succession, then half of drag race or whatever it is and then we finish it the next night.

And I feel like, wow, the stunning conclusion to the show we should have just watched all of last night. But anyways, very excited. We watched half because I always fall asleep, which my poor husband then has to go through all of Monday, avoiding succession spoilers, which I do. do feel for him because I think that's very hard.

Brutal. Well, for us, it's a vibe check because we only have 30 minutes left before we really, we will not be able to keep our eyes up anymore. We've got to switch the vibe around from this feuneral. Oh my God. That episode. So good. That episode alone should win an Emmy. Crazy. It was so, such an amazing episode. Every episode, it tops the next. I can't believe it's over next week. I know. I immediately want to restart rewatching it from the beginning. I'm so said it's over. Yes, I think that's what we have to do. Also, I got into a deep worm time on Twitter about the birth order of the four kids because I didn't realize there's a lot of controversy about

who is the middle and who is the youngest. They never really say. They never really say. And there's like various people who claim to like have shots of the original script where they, there's one shot describing Shiv as the youngest and then there, but there's like a lot of textual ambiguity and people. And needless to say, middle children have very strong feelings about it. And it. And needless to say, middle children have very strong feelings about it, and the youngest have very strong feelings about who is a middle and who is the youngest. And also, that's what I learned.

Roman's the youngest. Roman has to be the youngest. See, that's what a lot of people think, but there's a big movement that Shiv is the youngest and that Roman's chaotic energy is actually middle. The middle child energy. And again, this is kind of my fault because of what I look at on there, but on Instagram there's a big discussion on who's the top

and who is the bottom. And many people are saying, Shiv is the top. Oh, shit's definitely a top. Roman's a bomb. Roman is definitely a bottom. You know, but Kingle's a big point of contention. People say he's a switch hitter, we don't know.

And so it's just a lot of ladies dancing and discussing that while they dance seductively. But it is an amazing show. And I can't believe Barry and Succession are done next week. And it's going to be an intense night of television. But we are talking about selling Sunset back to Nick Cannon and Bree TSE because in the show now, it is very much that like, it's hard because it's so obvious that she's, I'm sure she's talented in her own right, but it does seem that she was brought in because it is like a big fun drama that she is a part of the Nick Cannon lineage. If they're going to address it like in the show immediately, then yeah, it's kind of obvious, right? If they were like a little more coy about it, be like, oh, maybe they just legitimately,

but the fact that they're like, Nick Cannon's the bad man, and here's why, bray, or whatever your name, a kafa, we, they do kind of,

they do kind of almost talk like that, except it's a little badmardraw. La, la, I think this is interesting, because we haven't actually gotten, As much as there is so much discussion of Nick Cannon, like he and he has a show or whatever, but like it's,

this seems like we're breaking through from having like, everyone's talking about Nick Cannon's baby's mother to now everyone is hearing from a baby mother speaking about it. And so everyone's like, tell us, tell us what it's like, because we haven't actually like heard from them. And that's what seems so significant about this. And she, I mean, correct. So give us the lowdown.

At first I was like, okay, so a lot of the coverage of it is like she's complaining about how he doesn't pay child support or whatever. But then everything that you sent seemed to be like that she's kind of defending him or at least defending the situation. So what is, what is like what's the takeaway from what she's saying about it? I mean, I say go for her is the takeaway from this because it seems like he doesn't pay like he doesn't pay child support every month. But she's like, but I don't need him to. Right. But if I do need something, I can ask him for it and he will immediately give it to me. So they're not getting like allowances or anything like that.

But it does seem like at least in her situation, she used to be married to an NFL player and they got divorced. So I imagine between that and her career, she doesn't need any financial help. So she's very like, you know, it seems like it's copacetic between her and Nick Cannon. And I would imagine if I was one of like the women that had a child. for him and I didn't have the money, I'd be like, no, this MFer is not, literally an MFer is not giving me any money, but if they can take care of themselves, then I guess, you know, what does it matter? Except for the fact that I would assume you'd want him to be a part of your kid's life, but, you know. Exactly. How important is a father figure, MJ, do you know the, how important is it to have a

present father? Because isn't that the argument at the end of the day that is, is stated here in this article, one person threw it out there saying there's literally, I mean, I'm paraphrasing and adding my own spice to it, but there's literally no way you can be a very present father at all to that many kids split up between that many people, unless they were maybe living all in the same cul-de-sac. And let's say a sister-wife situation, right? I mean, but really, like, unless they're all living in like the vicinity of each other, which they're not, by the way, I'm guessing, are they, do they, they, do they, even all live in L.A.?

Like, I'm guessing they're spread out all over the country. I mean, there's just no, how on the planet can you be a present, a fatherly figure in any of these kids' life?

I mean, it sounds like these are the very conversations happening on Selling Sunset this season, and that's why I need to watch it. Like, because this is what somebody said to her. Like, this is, you know, this seems like just a kind of inherently, not immoral,

but like that you, yeah, how can you be a present dad for all of these kids? And it sounds like now I got to become a selling sunset person. A lot of people I know absolutely love it. Oh yeah, it's great. It is not. I do love drama and nice houses. So probably I'll like it. It gives you a lot of what you crave, but I mean, maybe Nick Cannon's going to be

feeling a lot of guilt in the future. Like multiple huge celebrities this week, it was very weird. And I don't know, is it because, like, Mother's Day just happened and then we're heading towards Father's Day? I have no idea. Right. But there are three different stories and different websites talking about, it was like it started, the first one that I saw was Arnold Schwarzenaga was talking about how much guilt he felt about not being around his children while he was governor. But then there was also, I mean, I'm just going to rattle them off and then we can talk about the individual ones. Also, Kim Kardashian has been talking about how difficult it is to parent and also be as busy as she is,

while Jennifer Lopez is talking about the guilt she has because of how difficult it is for her children because of the fame that they have. And like, so many of these things, you read it at first and you're like, boo-ho. Oh, celebrities. Oh, is it so difficult? But, like, it's got, you guys are parents, it's got to be at least difficult. you must feel the guilt if you're just not around them. Yeah, I mean, this is kind of actually speaking. Kim Kardashian is probably the most relatable one of them all, even though I feel maybe the worst for the famed kid situation,

which we could talk about a second. But going back to Kim, unless she's just outright bullshitting us, which I guess is always possible, her saying that does make me feel like she's actually one of these celebrities that is present in their kids' lives. I completely agree. like the fact that she said that she sometimes like locks herself in a room like and like cries herself to sleep yeah yeah yeah yeah she cries herself to sleep like actually I hate to be like it is so brave of her to say that but actually for real yes like these are the moments of parenthood that when you hear other people say them you think I will never do that and um it is incredibly I think incredibly helpful to to hear that somebody like Kim Kardashian also you know feels mom guilt um you know struggles with you know helping her children

and regulate, like, all of those things. I totally agree. And actually, to add a fourth, there was just a couple of weeks ago now, in a Ben Affleck interview with Matt Damon, he was saying how he moved from acting to directing, in part because he wanted to be able to be more present as a father. Like, that he was missing games, missing recitals and all that stuff.

And he was like, if I am like, you know, in a production booth, I can leave and step out and go see my kids in a way that I can't when I'm, like, on set. So, yeah, I actually thought that. that it was really fascinating to see all of these ones come together too. And I agree, Holden. I think the Kardashian stuff is very, very relatable. And I think that the, I mean, can you imagine being J-Lo's kid and being 15?

Of course that would be hard. That's the one. That's the one. I was thinking more about, like, obviously the kid has it made in certain ways, like, just financially and stuff like that. But in a way, if you... And there's two of them. There's twins.

If you turn it around a little bit and think about it, you're like, wow, in terms of fame and being like a kid of a famous. It's like you get all mostly the negative aspects of being famous and not like much of the benefit because you're not the person who like achieve this stuff to be famous, right? And that's why you get a Chet Hanks, right? I think it scrambles your fucking eggs a little bit. You know what I mean? You just, it just scrambles the brain because yeah, you're kind of getting all this like weird

uncomfortable attention that you probably don't want, especially if you're in, let's say, middle school, like the time in your life when you literally just want to fucking disappear into the background. And instead, you have all these people treating you all weird. But like, you're also not the person, you know, so you don't like, you don't have the part of it that is, I don't know, probably feels good. I, yeah. I think that there's totally, like, there's times when celebrities should like shut the fuck up about how hard it is. Like, definitely I remember the beginning of the pandemic. Some celebrities like sharing videos from like their beautiful homes talking about how pent up they were.

And like, that was very frustrating. Generous. Like, that was super annoying. But in this case, yeah, to talk about what fame does to an adult and then what that does to a child. And like you said, hold, not even, it's one thing to be Millie Bobby Brown or something and have fame because of also you're like working as an actor at a very young age, which is its own set of like difficult nightmare traumas and stuff.

But like to just be like. Like, I'm, I'm the 15-year-old twins of J-Lo. And everywhere I go, I cannot be, you know, and she talks about that. She's like, they're at this age where they're trying to individualize and differentiate themselves. And how hard would it be to differentiate yourself from that level of fame? I mean, it really, like, I also thought that this was a fascinating, like, fascinating perspective from J-Lo. And then, yeah, from both Ben Affleck and Arnold Schwarzenegger, it was them being like,

I missed a lot of my kids' childhood, childhoods because I was working, you know, which is something I think that almost all parents can relate to. Totally. And then Jackie hilariously asked if we have issues with the touring and everything. I was like, don't you feel it? Do you feel the guilt? I'll tell you what, I'll feel it in September.

And I definitely felt it in like December when we did a, A week on the road, I came home for like two days and then went back out on the road. That's when it's hard. Yes. I could never do this tour if it was two months out straight. You know, I would say no. But I love the way it is for the most. Like where we just go.

We're gone for a couple days. Right now it's like once a month. It's like perfect. We come back. What tour are we talking about? We're talking about the release of the butthole cut tour. You can get your tickets to at last podcast network. com.

Come see the parental guilt live on stage. There you go. Come feel it with us. We just added Pittsburgh. Yes. October 5th, I believe. And those tickets are going on sale this week. Last Podcast Network.com. Watch me be so sad.

I'm away from my wife and kid for a couple days. Just drinking and eating whatever you want. It's so difficult. Absolutely, man. Eating so much fast food. In fact, actually, I got to work on that next time. So I'm eating so bad. All we eat is like fried.

I had like fried fingers. I get the salads at the places. You just got to, you can just choose differently. I just can't eat a sad lettuce. I can't eat a, I hate it. A lettuce that's crying.

Like, I feel like your salads are crying. The salads. You know, they're like, oh. No, that's just the ranch, sleeping off of it. I do it all for the ranch. The what?

The ranch. And I wonder why I get Hidden Valley Ranch emails. I know. Me just singing about ranch when I'm sitting by myself. No, it's just a way to get the ranch into my mouth. Put it on the sand. Give me on the Instagram. Just ranch.

Yeah, ranch Instagram. Get me on ranch Instagram. I feel like such a pervert. Every time I search something. Hold on pervert Instagram. Yeah, I'm totally on a ranch Instagram. I'm on Croc Instagram, okay? So who has it?

Oh, wow. No, mine is again, ranch and Akatar fan art, which the Akitar fan art gets me all horned up. And then I'm just like, I'm just over here, just looking at all these big, winged men and their, oh my God, their wings are so sensitive. I know this is not the place for me to talk about Akitar. I've got a whole show where I can talk about Akitar. You should check it out. Yeah, check out. Check out. LPN Deep Dives Akitar. I am looking at right now. It's either T-Swift eras or it is fucking just some woman in lingerie. I just can't do it. The eyes linger. It's a wall in it. I would show you. Yeah, the eyes linger. You know what you need to do. Hold your phone out to the and look at it from the side so maybe your eyes aren't like trained

on the phone. We could just see it. Holden is showing us just how horny is for you pages and let, just so you guys know it's insanely horny. This is also, this reminds me of when we were in Utah and we were discovering that porn had just been banned.

We were there on May 9th porn had just this complicated. How dare you? I still have trauma. Come on, man. You got to give me a trigger warning. But do you remember when we were all talking about it and Jackie tried to go to Pornhub on her phone and that just it's like basically porn hub is saying like we're not going to participate in the violations of privacy that is now required by law so you just get like a no call your representatives thing on Pornhub so

Jackie tried to go got that Holden tried to go I tried to go and then Jake tried and he was like it works on my phone and we're like what really and he was just like I mean do you want to see all the people fucking on my phone out? held it out. We're like, yeah. So, and we were like, do you have a VPN? Because you got to have a VPN. My brother told me that apparently after the, after this law went into effect,

somebody released like the Google searches for VPNs, which will switch your location, you know, for privacy reasons. And so in Utah, the search for VPNs went from like, you know, a zero to like just skyrocketing. Yeah. Everyone is like, how do I look at the porn? How do we look at porn? Don't take their porn away.

People meet it. Don't shackle them. Please. Unless that's what you want to watch. Oh, yeah. But then you know, yeah. Time on. And everyone's into it.

Yes. Consensually. Can you hear the horny moans? The horny moons of horny men. Oh, no. All right. It is the music of the people who will now come again. Oh, yeah.

All right, I think it's time for it. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Is Miley Cyrus secretly releasing music as Clara Pierce? Ooh. Interesting. This one comes in from Brandy who wrote, saw this on TikTok and I definitely believe it.

But the conspiracy is that Miley Cyrus is secretly releasing music under the name Clara Pierce since 2021. Seriously, go listen to even a second of the vocals on these songs. It's fully Miley Cyrus. If it's not heard, it's someone who made a deal with Satan to have her voice. Love y'all. Thanks for reading.

Brandy attached to TikTok breaking it down. I also found an article on culture.org that gets further into it. The theory is, Miley Cyrus released a potential secret album under the name Clara Pierce on the same day as her eighth studio album, Endless Summer Vacation. Fans speculate that the voice on the Clairea Pierce album sounds similar to Miley Cyrus and several song titles on the album

have similarities to Cyrus's existence. catalog. Fans have investigated the possible connection between Cyrus and Clara Pierce and have found clues such as the name Clara Pierce resembling Beyonce's alter ego, Sasha Fierce. And the track, Sagittarius, referencing Cyrus's star sign. Of course, people are drawing similarities to Hannah Montana. And the truth behind the Claire Pierce album remains unknown, and its removal from streaming platforms is only added to the intrigue surrounding its release. This Claire Pierce album is titled Down with Me, released the same day, as we said, as Inless Summer Vacation, her most recent album.

Another piece of evidence is the track Sagittarius on the Clara Pierce album, which is also Miley Cyrus's star sign, this song contains the lyrics, Miley, what's good now, echoing Nikki Minaj's confrontational address to the star during the 2015 VMAs. Later in the song, the lyrics, I told you once before, I'm my mother's daughter, our song, referencing the song from Cyrus's 2019 EP, She is coming. Wow, somebody went deep. It's interesting.

I think it's cool. Yeah. I love these kinds of things, you know. It's an exciting idea, especially because of the Hannah Montana thing. She was like, you know, what if I just pulled a hand of Montana? Yeah.

I feel like I don't know fully if I believe until I hear it, but why does my brain want to, every time Holden said, Clea Pierce, I thought he was going to say Clara Pina. We've been talking because all this horniness. We talked to us all Lake City.

We talked about my Instagram. The Frank Mobile. Frankmobile. Could be the Frank Mobile. And don't you also have an alter ego named Pinas Daniel? Something like that. Yeah. For sure.

He released an album. He released an album, but it's just heavy breathing. Track after track. Makes a view very uncomfortable to say the least. Oh, Pena's Daniel. We love you. And we love you too, Clara Pina. I believe.

I want to listen to really, like, put that nail in the coffin. But I feel like that is a lot of really deep. And if it's not, you know, that's a lot of really deep things that probably no one never thought about. And I appreciate whoever thought about these things. Strong similarities, for sure. Sagittarius, all of it. I love the idea of somebody doing something like that.

I love it when people release things under a fake name, you know, or like when celebrities like pretend to be a waiter or whatever for a day, you know what I mean, and stuff like that. It's always very fun. Or like when Tyra Banks put on her homeless person costume and pretended to be a homeless person. Remember that? Have another time when she put on a fat suit and she pretended to be a fat person. Do you remember that?

No, but I remember the time she pretended to have rabies. Remember that? Remember her? I'm so glad she's been stopped. kind of, right? Like she's kind of gone away now that she's leaving I mean, she's really pushing

to make model land an actual Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. How the fuck is she gonna pull that on? Her own ice cream. She'll be back. Smy's cream, please. She is like a monster in a slasher movie.

She will never fully go away. She'll always come back for sure. She'll come back in a different form. Yeah. Yeah. No, she's never going to go. There you go. That's it.

That's the conspiracy theory for sure's bros. Do you believe, MJ? I believe, yes. I mean, it's an ambitious person to, to, if it's, nobody else has a voice like Miley Cyrus. That's why this is so intriguing. I talk about her voice all the time. I'm obsessed with it. So it's either somebody, if she sounds like Miley Cyrus, I want to listen whether it's her or not.

And I feel like a lot, especially pop stars, but a lot of musicians, they record like double the songs for a given album and then cut it down. So you know there's extra stuff. She could have easily just been like, fuck it, throw it out. throw it out under a pseudonym. Let's see if I can become successful totally separately twice. Wow. Which would be a cool project. Wouldn't that be awesome though if that ended up, if people didn't realize and that

ended up being a huge hit, that would be pretty cool. Right. That's great playhole then. The person who that had, not she has to, she has to like lead a double life, touring but then in doing so, she ends up in a small town during Christmas and she realizes she actually loves living in a small town during Christmas a lot more than being a giant pop star. Yeah. That'd be fun. Yeah, that'd be fun.

And there's, and yeah, she'll fall in love with the, like, the leading man. He'll clearly be gay, but they'll fall in love. Like gay in real life, you know what I mean, but they'll fall in love. That'd be beautiful. How's it going there, Jackie? It's going well. I'm trying to find a song by Clara Pierce so that we can all listen to it. Yeah, I'm trying desperately to find it. So part of the theory, though, I mean, it's, that's another interesting element of it. You can tell that the album came out because of what you find on Google, but it's been removed from the internet,

which actually, I think, strengthens this theory a little bit. Isn't that kind of crazy? This is crazy. Now I really want to hear. I'm just like, I was like, yeah,

we should all listen to it. It's like, no, we should listen to her. Let's listen to it right now. And I can't find anything. There's also like another person on TikTok. I don't know if it's the same person who also is Claire Pierce,

but she's like just a, She's a TikTok person, but like not a music TikTok person. That's the other clear a penis. Whoa. You can get the names of the songs on the album, but you can't get the music. It's kind of. Oh my God, this is going to drive me insane. All right.

So if anybody has. I said Jackie down a worm time, everybody. Oh, where is that happening in real time? Please send us a link or a weird down. And by the way, if you wanted to like get Jackie's passwords and stuff, you can probably get it just by sending her a weird hacker link and she'll click on it. It's just Ranch Ranch 420. So if anyone

wants to know what my passwords are, Ranch Ranch 420, double the ranch because I'm stone. That's how you remember. I can't find it. I give up. All right. I'm giving up. I like, I checked out of the conversation minutes ago starting this, trying to, trying to make it happen.

And I've failed everyone. Dude, and there's a bunch of articles about it. Yeah. I believe. I believe now that we can't find it, I believe. Now I really believe. And it's like a breakup album too, apparently, is what I'm seeing. Whoa.

Oh my God. Oh, my God. All right, sorry. I've spent too much time looking for music because it's time for the list. Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie! Gotta have that list.

Unhinged stunts that fans have pulled on their favorite celebrity. On Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton found a newborn baby. named Jolene on her doorstep. Little Jolene was addressed to her with a note saying that her mama wished for Parton to take care of her. Parton called the Department of Health and Human Services and took care of the baby until they arrived.

I mean, I like the kid included that she took care of, she didn't just like close the door and leave the baby on the sleep. Leave the baby outside. She's like, no, I don't trust women named Jolene. I'm leaving that baby outside. Keep that baby outside. That is awful.

That's so awful. What about the man that challenged Bruce Lee to a fight? Wong Jackman didn't like the way Lee conducted himself in an interview and wished to fight him. Lee accepted and won, but spectators said it was a close fight. I mean, we could bring that back for interviews. Like if a celebrity interview goes wrong, it turns into a duel. That would be fun. Maybe slightly mimicked in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Oh, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. Or the fan that sent Jared Leto their severed. ear and he wore it as a necklace. I was my daddy. He loved it. He thought it was so cool because it's Jared Leto. I roll. I wish I could send him a rolling eye. I wish I could just mail that to him. Be like, can you keep this on you just for everything you do so it can just always be rolling at you and all of your many stupid things you do. Now this one is just, this one's just weird. I just feel like someone

did this, disrespected him. A fan insisted that Matt Smith looked like her hedgehog and then kissed him. He said he was accosted by a fan who held up a picture of her pet hedgehog, insisted that he was an exact replica of it, then kissed him before security jumped in. People feel real thirst for Matt Smith, and I got to say, I did not get it with him as Doctor Who. And then, extremely to my great disturbance, I really did get it when he played Prince Philip. Ooh.

The crown. Wow. I was like, I'm attracted to Matt Smith as Philip. What's wrong with me? But now I get it. So I'm not saying that that fan should have accosted him, but I'm saying I do get it. You do think he looks like a hedgehog. Is that what you're saying?

I think I guess he just looks like a hedgehog that you want to kiss. Yeah. Or Norman Reedis, who received a breast implant in the mail. She said she read an interview and I sounded depressed. I wasn't. I think I just came off that way. And I don't understand why a, if you're depressed, that you would send a breast is because it rhymes, that breast rhymes with depressed.

Yeah. If you're depressed, my mother always used to say to me, if you're depressed, molest the breast. And so I think that was kind of based on that old nursery rhyme. See, that, I guess that makes a lot of sense. Also, did she take it out herself? I don't know. He needs this more than I do. Or maybe it was used to like a stress ball for him

so that he could just like grab on it whenever he wants. That's what I'm kind of thinking. And I'm thinking, yeah, maybe it was like she was going to get them installed and then she decided against or something like that. Women are like cars, you know? You can drive them crazy. Okay. All right.

All right. I don't know what I'm trying to come up with whatever here, all right? We're getting towards the latter part, okay? I just start to get a little winded comedically and go back to the molest the breast. We'll just move on from molest the breast. When Jesse J. broke her foot, a fan broke her own foot in solidarity. The fan found her personal info and sent her photos of the injured leg with the message, I will do anything to be just like you.

Wow. Oh, no thank you. Gross. Don't break anything. Yeah, that's wrong. That's really rough. What's wrong with people? And last but not least,

a woman changed her name to Mrs. Kanye West to impress the rapper. In 2012, Kanye superfan Linda Rasa changed her name to Mrs. Kanye West. She had multiple tattoos of him on her arm and buttocks, but thought this would really get his attention. And most recently, she pulled the sun. on again by change your name to Mrs. Hitler. Yes. And you went,

oh, I love it. Oh, yeah. That's my list for you guys today. Wow. There you go. Mrs.

Hitler. What a list. It's a good list today. Great list, Jackie. Thank you so much. Fans, huh? They're fucking crazy. So crazy they might make you go.

Blind. Items. Oh, we can't see them. Interesting. Here's the first. one. This actor is a list and is on a soon to be ending show. He has been acting

for much of his life and been a jerk for just about as long. This week he yelled at his girlfriend when she wouldn't stop eating when he was ready to leave. Is it somebody from... A show that's... It's somebody from succession. A show that's about... A show that's about to end. There's a different show that's about to end. Can't be Alan Ruck, is it?

Oh, it's not succession. Oh, there might be a different show that's about to end. Don't tell me that Alan Ruck is not nice. No. No. He's a bit of a show. A duck sack. No. A different show that a big deal show for you guys. It's about to end.

And he's a bastard in a basket. Oh, Jughead. Yes. Cole Spouse and Ariforniere. Yeah. They were confirmed. Now I need to hear the entire blind again now that I know that it's Cole Spruce.

This actor's A list is on a soon-to-beending show. He's been an acting for much of his life and been a jerk for just about as long. This week he yelled at his girlfriend when she wouldn't stop eating when he ready to leave. It's pretty innocuous, blind, but it's cold, so I threw it in for you guys. You know what I mean? Oh yeah, we gotta have. They were confirmed a couple in July of 2021 on Instagram with Cole posting pictures of him and his new love while declaring time to piss off the 14-year-olds again, referring to Riverdale fans. What do you think about that, Jackie, MJ? Are you 14?

I think that he needs to understand that 14-year-olds don't give a shit about Riverdale. The only people like give a shit about Riverdale are people like MJ and myself. Our sad stand-home moms. Yes. I think that we... And we love it. I would like to get a card from Cole Spouse for all we've done for Riverdale.

You know, I've, this is one of those ones where I really want to root for him because I feel to some level of like empathy for child stars. Because I just feel like it must have just been such a fucked up existence for both. of them. And so I really, really want to root for him. But then at some point, you know, when you are an adult, it's just like, okay, you're an adult now. And it doesn't take away from your trauma and it doesn't take away from like the fucked up way that you may have been raised in the spotlight and all that. But also now you're accountable for your choices in a different way than you are when you are a child. Exactly, MJ. And I want a rusted root for him. Send him on his

way on his way. Send him on a way. Send him on a way. Send him on a way. on the way I would like to. I'll sing the whole song. Holden hates that song. I hate that song. Go on, Jackie. What do you think? Tell Cole how much you hate him for calling you a 14 year old.

I am not a 14 year old. I am a full ground. What a bad. She's having a complete breakdown. I'm just so glad it wasn't Alan Ruck because I was currently obsessed with. Did you know he's only about 10 years younger than Brian Cox? Wow. Can you imagine?

Yeah, he's 66. I'd like to see his ruck sack, if you know what I mean. His rucksack probably looks great. I bet it does. He looks great. And also, man, from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, I was always a ruckster. Yeah. I was way more a ruckster and everybody needs to know it.

Rock or die, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, go ruck yourself. All right. A-list country crooner is getting older and apparently needs not only chemical help to get into the game, so to speak, but insists on watching gay porn while he has sex with his long-term wife. Country singer, big one. The one that Jackie likes.

Willie Nelson? No, way big. No, no, Willie Nelson is just as big, but big, big, arena filling big. Old school. But old school in terms of like our, he was hitting massively during our childhoods. He's Garth Brooks. Yes. He's about saying he's got friends in low places.

He recently told Kelly Clarkson on her show about a time when he accidentally showered with Stephen Tyler. It was an accident. I mean, we just kind of fell in there. I don't know what happened. I wouldn't take a shower backstage and I looked up and he was just there in the shower with me.

And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. I believe it. He's not. That's for sure. He's a crazy man. I wonder what Trisha Yearwood would have to say about that

because she often talks about their marriage on her show, which I forget what it's called, but it's about country home cooking. And she's always like, my husband, Gart. Trisha Yearwood probably hasn't had wood in a year, if you know what I mean. All right. Well, yeah, we'll give you that. Come on, people.

Not getting the old Frank between the buns soft and lately. All right, please, people. What is this, pigs in space? What are we doing here? This is like, fucking, Dean Mark. show over here. All right, here we go. The final blind of the day,

brace yourselves. This A-list singer turned A-list actress, finished shooting a movie, and then went really overboard with the treatments to her face and lips. She can't even move any muscles in her face. J-Lo. No.

Singer turned out, oh, but that was a good one. Singer-turned actress, more popular, more recently than, like, or hit big later on in years. She is Man, I really thought it was J-Lo And you know when you're really thinking It's somebody, I'm like, I can't

In my head it was J-Lo, she just had a movie come out It makes sense She is a person In the world Oh my God, no way No way she is Two words Lady Gaga

Yes Hey, can't believe I got that from those hands She's a person in the world And two words And two words. She's a person. That was a hint. You could have supposed to get us?

You could have done an Italian accent. Yeah. I post, oh yeah. Does it, Lady Gaga, I take a tambalini in the jungle loo. Lady Gaga did. I don't know if you saw this. I pulled this because I'd noticed this personally. I was like, yeah, that was, I felt the same way.

She recently posted a TikTok promoting her makeup products. And she looks like borderline. line unrecognizable. Like it is, I don't know if you saw this more recently. Oh my God, I did see it. I can't believe I didn't immediately think about Lady Gaga. Yes, I did. Yeah, I forgot about that.

And I was like, I didn't know who it was at first. And I was like, oh, God, that's Lady Gaga. Wow. We need like a word for it, kind of like Schoidenfreude, but a word for when you see someone who got an insane amount of work done and it like makes you feel weird. It's like an uncanny valve because they just look so different, so different than the way they just looked like a week. ago that you're just, it makes you feel uncomfortable.

There's got to be a word for that. And I think for her, especially because she's always been like a person where when you see her without all of the makeup, she looks like a pretty normal person, you know? She's beautiful. But her thing is she always looks like, I'm always like, every time I see her and she's not, you know, kind of in her like on stage persona, I'm like, oh yeah, you just look like, she looks like somebody you like what to college with, you know? Yeah. And it's something that's always been kind of something I think kind of special about her is that She does have this very, like, normal, approachable look when she's not in her makeup. Right.

And now she's going... I think that's extra uncanny for that reason. My eyes and brain will adapt, too, but it is a weird feeling where you're just like, oh, you're like, you've like... It's like a Pokemon evolving. Yeah. You know what I mean? It happens like in a snap and it's all of a sudden you're just completely different in form.

Yeah. Yeah. Interesting stuff. Well, there you have it. Vim's the blinds. I can see yet again in order to commit more crimes. You guys want to commit a crime with me? Let's do something fun.

Let's like steal a mail truck or something. Okay. I'm going to do something bad like steal a mail truck. Oh, should we go deliver all the mail? Yeah, that's the thing. But we'll deliver all the mail. But we'll also like watch a lot of like internet porn and like masturbate to that or whatever while we do it.

Sure. It'll be a federal crime and a good deed at the same time. Yeah. And a good time. We're cute. I'm in a good time. Oh, thank you guys so much for joining us today. Look at us our little mail people crew that we've got going on.

We would give up. It's so difficult to do that job. There's no way. We would give up within the hour. We'd be like, ah, there's so much. I can't handle it. We could barely walk through the Salt Lake City Airport together, you know, so I don't know if we could deliver the mail.

I don't know if we could do it. I give all my love and energy out to the male people out there because I can't do your job. You are much stronger than all three of us combined. But thank you guys so much for joining us. And remember to start using the word Frank. Let's start getting it in there for penis jokes. Let's up our penis content.

Yes. Yeah. Because we need to get the word out because that Frank Mobile is going to get horny fast. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can also come and hang out with me over on Twitch. TV forward slash oh no it's jacky on tuesdays and wednesdays and you should come hang out the sims of our lives is on wednesdays and we have so much fun and we talk sex on tuesday nights so come bring your questions yo oh it's him it's the it's the thing it's the shadow man it's holedemnely and you can catch me on twitch dot tv forward slash holdonators ho to uh monday through friday streams that bag of stream on mondays

is lighting it up and Jack with the Holdies on Friday at 6 p.m. E.T. It's always a fucking throwdown party. We're having so much fun over there. And what else? Pachron.com forward slash page 7 podcast weekly bonus episodes. I'll tell you what too. A little thing you might not know about. We got weekly bonus episodes for $5 a month. Plus, Jackie does the readings, plus add free episodes. Plus, I send out a link a couple days early when tickets go on sale, like this week for Pittsburgh, they already have the pre-sail link, which is going to go live on Wednesday this week. And you get that extra in.

And hey, you might just need it. We sold out a VIP at Tacoma like in a couple of days. So, you know, even though there's still general admission tickets, you miss out on that VIP because we only have a limited supply of those. because after a certain point, it's hard to continue to meet. After 50 people, we have to cut it off. So, uh, thank you. Yes, check us out.

Come over to patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast to get that pre-sale, son. Also, uh, page seven podcast at gmail.com. Uh, and last podcast network.com for all those tickets. Catch us live. Butthole cut tour. M.J. My name is MJ and I'm MJ K L Kat on Instagram. Hell yeah.

Oh, let's sing the shout out. song. Shout out. Shout. Shout. Let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're going to read it up to you. Come on. It's shout out time. Oh my God. Thank you guys so much for sending your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gml.com. You can send anything you'd like over to there. You can send your celebrity conspiracy theories. You can send blind items. You can just send high Hello's. I love all of my hot dog content. It always fills me with joy so you can send in your own shoutouts or whatever you'd like to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. First up, we have an amazing shout out for a sister. It's a sister shout out. Oh my God. I love a sister shout out. Tori says,

I am writing in a shout out for my little sis, Carly. The last couple of years have been a true rollercoaster of emotions and life changes for both of us, especially her. Between the two of us, we have had to put to rest three dogs and lost our grandpa. Today, as I write this, one of us is losing our uterus in a long overdue hysterectomy due to her battle against endometriosis. Carly worked her ass off through her 20s to go back to school for education and finally became a teacher. On Christmas Eve 2021, her boyfriend Joe proposed to her and, a year ago, she moved 1,200 miles away to be with him. We've never spent a Christmas or a birthday apart since birth until this past year. It has been so hard. However, while we have faced some

real challenges, we've also gained so much. Just a month ago, Carly and Joe got married. It was the most magical day full of so much love. It felt as if my heart would burst. Carly, you are my best friend, my confidant, the one who made me who I am because I could not imagine a life where I would not have been your big sis. I'm in awe every day of your strength and courage, from working multiple jobs to put yourself through school, to being a fifth grade teacher, which is so important and hard, to moving states away from the only place you've ever called home to pursue building a life with Joe. You, my love, are a total freaking badass, and I am so very grateful and proud to be your sissy. Love you more, Tori, and I love you.

your sister ship. Thank you so much for writing in. I've got another amazing shout-out from Mac to a very special shout-out for their friend who is leaving her old life behind. Mack says, Haley is one of the most inspiring, smart, caring, funny, and realist people I know. She wears many hats, baker, acupuncturist, bartender, but I am absolutely most honored to call her my best friend. If you read this shoutout, you will probably hear it as she's moving back home to Arizona from upstate New York on a road trip. Alone. But she's not alone. And this shoutout is a reminder to her of that. This was such a hard decision for her to make as it also caused a breakup with someone she very much loves. But she's decided to put herself first, build her business, and leave what was no longer serving

her. I am in awe of that decision and the courage it took every day. I am sorry. I am so proud. I am waiting here for Haley with open arms and cannot wait to continue our bestiehood. We have always had a foundation of self-love and improvement in our friendship and cannot wait to continue the trend with her by my side. We love page 7 and bought each other, fuck it hats! I know she would love a shoutout from our faves at LPN to keep her company. So much love to you, Haley, and I love how much Mac loves you and is so excited to spend so much more time with you. Oh, congratulations, baby. And now we've got a shout out. It's a boyfriend shout out. Goodness gracious, because there's a one-year anniversary this weekend. Emma says,

I'd just like to shout out my boyfriend. Our one-year anniversary on May 21st, he introduced me to the last podcast network when we were first dating, specifically last podcast on the left, and I branched out to your show and the brighter side and spun. So not only has he changed my life for the better, but so has each and every one of you. Oh, thank you, Emma. Thank you for being amazing people you are, and thank you to my wonderful, wonderful boyfriend, Ben, for making the last year of my life, no matter the obstacles, the best year of my life. Oh, Ben and Emma, oh, I said you so much love, and so many hugs. And last but not least, we've got a birthday shout out to Jay. Jay says, Hi, Faye, Bay. It's my birthday, and I'm in Nashville as you're reading this. My husband surprised me with Dave Matthews band tickets.

Sue-Woon! Anyway, I'm growing and learning to be a better person, and the entire LPN makes life so much more tolerable. Akatar made me realize how much I used to enjoy reading, so I went and got myself my first library card. Cheers the 33, baby. May it be better than the last, and there's no way it's not going to be, Jay. You're growing, you're learning, you're loving. We get to know ourselves more every single day, and congratulations and happy birthday. I also just want to say a quick shout out out to Aubrey. I love you so much. It was wonderful meeting you in Salt Lake City.

And thank you so much for the kind words that you sent in. Oh, so many kisses go out to you guys today because I misses you. Love you guys so much for the shoutouts. You can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcasts at gmail.com. I love hearing from you guys, and thank you so much for thinking of us all the time and just for sending your high hellos. I hope you have a beautiful week. Happy Memorial Day. Get your glizzies out.

Don't forget you glissies. And as you're eating your hot dogs this weekend, I hope you think of me. Bye, guys. Talk to you next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listen to,

Go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.