Page 7 - Ep. 494: The Serbian Film of Comedies

Episode Date: June 2, 2023

On this week's UnHiNgEd EpISoDe!!!!!! we're gossin' 'bout Lizzo's incredible tribute to the late, great Swiss musician Tina Turner, how Holden cannot stop watching a traumatic video with SOUND UP, Pedro Pascal got a wicked eye infection from recreating THAT scene with fans during photo ops, P7 is staunchly Team Barbie over Team Oppenheimer, so MUCH GUUUUUSHIN' about The Ultimatum: Queer Love, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Was the 2011 film Jack and Jill a front to rescue Katie Holmes!? Finally, we have a list full of method actors who went TOO FAR, saucy blinds and SHOOUTTTSSSSS Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, page 7 and Wizard and the Brewser are going on tour. Yes, the release that Butthole Cut Tour, Holden, where are we going? That's right, starting in June. We are going to Portland, Oregon, Tacoma, Washington, Oklahoma City, Kansas City, and St. Louis, Missouri. Where can we get tickets, MJ? For tickets, go to Lastpodcastnetwork.com. What's that one more time? That's Lastpodcastnetwork.com.

Yeah. Noice. I know it doesn't matter as much as Lizzo's Tribune. to Tina Turner. Oh, I just want to sing, I'm your private dancer, dancer for money, do what you want me to do. I'm your private dancer, a dancer for money, any old music will do. I just want to be you, Tina, I love you, Tina. It's beautiful, man.

RIP. That Lizzo tribute, man, I have not enjoyed an internet clip that much in quite a while. Wow. That was so fucking good. Please look up Lizzo's tribute to Tina Turner and it just makes me want to like dance. That clip made me, I was like, put me on a stage. I'm ready to dance. I just wanted to.

Oh, but how daunting? Like, can you imagine being like, okay, I'm, I know I'm Lizzo, but can I do? can I do this? Can I do Tina Turner, like tonight? Like, I just was thinking about the creative process of making that choice, you know, and being like, I think people will like this. I think I can do it, but it must have just been so, I mean, imagine. Seems like something she didn't have to, like, memorize the lyrics for at least. Seems like she had it in the pocket a little bit.

Yeah. I mean, you don't know the lyrics to Proud Mary? Come on. Sure, but to have that mastery. Mary's sad, Mary likes her life, she's glad. Look at Mary flying through the end. Great dear Turner. Mary in the sky with diamonds.

Yeah, that's it. Wow. Mary in the sky with diamonds. Oh, my God. The pianoman has resurfaced. Right. Did you just feel it in your bones? Of course.

We all know the lyrics of Proud Mary. Of course. Yeah, proud of that Mary. Hit me a glass of sharing. This is coming from the man who was too busy while MJ and I were trying to talk about succession. Holden was too busy watching this video of a child jumping, excuse me, a teenager jumping off of a cruise boat and he's never been seen again. And Holden keeps losing himself watching this video over and over and over again. It was off of a dare. It was off of a dare. Can you imagine? Just be like, dare you to kill your

Unbelievable. Well, he jumped off the cruise boat. And this is why teens need to be kept in a soft room. Yes. Until they turn 25. You can't put them near edges. Their brains aren't done being developed. They think everything's not real or whatever it is.

It's a nightmare. But anyways, yeah. And Holden is like, checking our like, have you seen the season finale of succession? And Holden's like, sorry, I didn't hear you. I needed to watch it again with sound. We're like, what? Why would you do that? I didn't want to frighten my wife.

I didn't want to frighten my wife by hearing such harrowing noises in the bath. All the time I'm in the bathroom, but she's like, what the fuck was that? I was just like, just a guy being attacked. It's my private bathroom time. But, you know, so sound off usually for those sorts of situations. I don't want to. That's thoughtful of you. I don't want to emotionally.

Snuff films on silent. My snuff films. So I wanted to hear it sound, and it was actually a lot sadder was sound, because the kids didn't realize how serious the situation was, and they were, like, joking about it and stuff. So it was really sad. Listen, I know that stay off Reddit is advice from, like, 10 years ago and no, like, that's not always true. Reddit has a lot of good things going on.

But in this case, you're going to want to stay off the part of Reddit where they share films like this. It was on the front page twice, which is always good because then you have two different comment sections to really comb through. So I really learned a lot about how dangerous it is to jump off of a giant boat. It is so bad to do at night. It is so insane. It's hard during the day, it's hard to be spotted.

Jumping off a boat. Don't jump off a cruise boat. Don't jump off a cruise boat. People painting very visceral pictures of what that kid was going through, like, in the water. Well, the long story short is that Holden has not seen the succession finale. So what's the real tragedy here, you know? Who won? But I heard Barry comes in at the end and he's like, hey, everybody.

Hey, I'm killing you all. Yeah, there was the crossover that every Sunday night watcher of Max has been screaming for it. Don't even get me started on the fact that you're asking. Oh, yeah, I'm calling it. Doesn't it piss you off every time you say Max? I don't care what Jason Molo. Jason Molo can't change my mind, okay? I have that exact same reaction, Jackie.

Every time I'm about to say it, now I'm like, oh yeah, it's on Max. It's so obnoxious. What an obnoxious name changed? I think maybe the most obnoxious name changed I've seen besides when sci-fi changed it. Yes. to like see whatever that was. Although I am enjoying how many people tweeted at Peacock trying to get Peacock to drop the front of their name. That's kind of fun.

We got it in. So just called like cock. They did speak out and say that they weren't going to do that. But I don't know why Max, like I feel personally attacked by Max. Yes. It's the stupidest possible outcome. Why would you take the only good thing? about your network, which is the fact that it's HBO

and take that out. It's just truly like, it feels like the ultimate dead end of the streaming bubble. It reminds me of in college, we had a friend who tried to give himself a nickname. And we were like, that's not how nicknames work, bro. You're not fucking Viper X. You'll never be Viper X.

You're fucking Nick, all right? And that's what it's going to be from now on. Or a more embarrassing nickname based off of something dumb you do at a party. Jump of the Grude Ship on a dare. Jump off the groomship. I had a friend in college who tried to give himself the nickname Dangerous D. And so his name was Daniel and he would answer the phone, this is Dangerous D.

And then inevitably he'd be like, this is Daniel. Because no one knew what he was talking about. Did anybody have welcome to our unwelcome to nicknames that we're not aware of? Mine, I've always talked about it on Roundtable. I would, because I hate, I was so hungry by lunchtime in school. in high school, and my class was right close to the cafeteria. If I, like, bolted out of the class and, like, went straight to the cafeteria as soon as lunch was done, as soon as my math class was done, I would get to right in the front of the line,

I wouldn't have to wait in a huge line. But if I waited just a little bit, there'd be, like, this huge line waiting for me when I got there. So I started kind of making a practice of kind of bolting to, yeah, I get, you see where this is going. Exactly. Exactly like holding at the airport, though. It's like, and it's like everyone's, it's like everyone's, you know. dad when they want to leave the baseball game

in the seventh inning? You know, they're like, we got to get ahead of the guy now. Yeah, the game's just getting interesting. Oh, my dad you see that all the time. Like, let's get out, but I hated sports. I was like, yes. That's almost as insane as people leaving an intermission. Like, I don't even care how much you're like

not enjoying the show. Like, you paid for the whole, watch the whole show. Anyways. But wait, what was your nickname? Like Honeybun or something? Was it based on the snack that you get? Unfortunately, for me, in my math class, there were a bunch of jocks that I hated. There was like the worst kids of the school were in that room and they

thought it was such a crazy thing that I would do that and it was kind of like in high side it was like yeah it's kind of open myself up a little bit. You really kind of I did something at all abnormal. As someone that used to be a bully you are that is that's prime target area like that's just but the nickname

the reason you know what it wasn't the fact that they were coming at me for that because you're right a little a little deserved right but it was the nickname was so stupid and they were so stupid and they were so stupid that the nickname made me Mags, it was so dumb. They nicknamed me Smokey Joe.

And it didn't make sense. I was like, Smokey Joe, I guess that's me running. Can you not come up with a smarter, meaner nickname than that? Smokey Joe, it was so stupid. And that was the problem with them. It was like, they thought they were so

fun and cool being bullies. And I was like, no, no, I'm not annoyed that you're bullying me right now. I'm annoyed that your nickname is so idiotic that you make me dumber. You're making me stupider right now in this math class because that nickname makes no sense. I think I got a side with the bullies here.

Smoky Joe. A good thing that doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't have to. I was like to get my prize quicker. All that has to do is make you upset. It did. It made me so upset. I hated them so much. I hated them so much. I hated them so much.

They were so dumb and so annoying. I just want you to know the restraint that I have. I want you to be proud of me for a moment. The fact that I'm not going to continue calling you Smokey Joe for a while. I know. I know I'm opening myself up for everyone to call me Smoky Joe. And I'll laugh at it at this point. No, it's okay.

You can call me Smoky Joe because I have to own it now in adulthood, right? I can't like continue to be upset about it. Although, I mean. If you called me like, if you called me like dead Cruz kid or something, maybe I'd get upset. You know what I'm never called you? You know what I mean? That would bum me out a little bit. Like, I'm like, I'm not dead.

I just can't believe you needed to hear it with sound to, like, hear his screams. That's the worst part. That's what you needed to hear. No, it wasn't. You didn't hear him screaming. You heard the other- Stop. I don't want to hear what the other kids said.

I don't want to know anything more about this video. And I want to say, I feel like I'm almost already making too much life. It's very sad. It's very tragic. I cannot. And you're just upset. Mind-blowingly upsetting. And I'm laughing about it to process it or I'm like,

making a slight jest of it to process it because it's so upsetting. But anyways, so no, none of the clicking and the clacking that I hear in the distance. Oh, the drums, it's like the sounds of the drums and Lord of the Rings. Oh my God, you're just like Legalus. You can hear it on the wind, Holden.

Yeah. You're not Legalis at all. Don't cross my wires, all right? All right, anyways, uh, what are we saying here? What happens? Well, I'm just surprised about a lot of things. And one of those things is, What is really crazy about Tina Turner is that she's referred to as a Swiss musician.

When she passed, like the notification came up on my phone and said, Tina Turner, a Swiss musician. And then continue on and I was just like, whoa. And I forgot the whole part about Tina Turner about how she moved to Switzerland and gave up her U.S. citizenship a while ago. and then I went down like a worm time of, wait, why is this? Why is this happening? I knew that this happened, but I wasn't exactly sure why, and I just didn't know if anyone else was curious. And it really was just because she fell in love with a man that lived in Switzerland,

so she moved to Switzerland. And was bigger and, you know, the classic American story. And huge in Europe. Huge in Europe. So, you know, over there with David Hasselhoff. I'm glad you did because I, that article you sang is I was like the first one and then after that was Switzerland one, the one detail. was like, oh, she died in Switzerland.

She, like, lived there. So that was really interesting. I also think that man gave her a kidney. And I was reading this really... I was listening to a podcast where they were reading this really beautiful piece about her. And they made this statement that I thought was so touching of, like, after all these years of another man abusing her, it all came back around and a man hurt himself to save her.

Wow. You know? And I thought that was, like, an incredible, like, powerful statement, you know, about her life. Wow, because she had hypertension, which can cause kidney disease. Yeah. And so he gave her a kidney in 2017. Wow. That is nice.

Yeah, by the way, a big advocate over here for blood pressure medication. She said she didn't take care of her high blood pressure issues, and that's what caused all of this. We hear at page 7 take care of our high blood pressure. Yes, get it checked to make sure you get on medication. Yes. I'm telling you, man. You all knew this starting in round 10. table. We all knew everyone has hypertension here. Okay. Henry and I both got on blood pressure

medication at the same time, my sweating issue went away, and he's sleeping way better. Like, it will change your life in ways that you might not realize, you know what I mean? It's not just about the blood pressure. If you have, maybe you're like pissing out of your ass or you have, you know, sharp knees or something. I might get fixed with the blood pressure medication. You know what I mean, the body keeps the score. The body does keep the score. The body finds away. There you go.

I don't know if that's appropriate for that, what I just said, but, you know, regardless, it keeps score. And I'm, right now I'm losing 3-0. So we'll see what happens. I'll get back in touch. But not blood pressure-wise. So very good on yee. But Tina Turner, rest in peace.

Beloved, great, queen of rock and roll. And it's been a lot of fun. It's been really touching and really fascinating to read about, reread about her career because she hasn't been in the spotlight recently. So you kind of forget how fucking huge of a deal she was, especially during our childhoods, you know. What's Love Got to Do With It? That movie was such a huge deal.

And like her whole story was just like the big. It was like a Britney Spears or whatever of that era, right? Where there was just these, like, like really powerful things happening in the background that kind of came to light. And we all had to like confront whatever the American general ideal was when it came to stuff like with domestic abuse and stuff like that. Yeah. That was going to see.

So everybody used to just beat their wives. It's crazy. I feel like when a musician dies, it is not, it's not fun that they die, but it is fun to go back. Like, I remember when Olivia Newton John died, I was just like, I'm going to now listen to the Olivia Newton John catalog. And it is like kind of, it's a, it's a. nice like little marker of, you know, someone's life to be like, all right. Now every, it's going to be a little early launch into the start of summer with everyone

listening to Tina Turner, you know? Yeah, dude. The ultimate example is, of course, when Michael Jackson died and it was just a summer, the entire summer was Michael Jackson. That was crazy. I was talking about it was in the streets of Brooklyn when it happened. So it was just insane. Like every car was blasting Michael Jackson.

That was truly an incredible moment. But I feel like the ubiquitous Tina Turner music for the start of summer is a great start. Oh, yeah. And also, do yourself a favor. If you've never watched Tina Turner live, like, live clips, look up. There's so many clips on YouTube, like, especially, like, from back in, like, the early 70s, like, late 60s to, there's such amazing footage of her because what, like, it's, her performances. You're just left mouth agape as you stare at her. She's just a spitfire on the stage. Like, she just has such insane. You can't take your eyes off of her. I love Tina Turner. R-I-P. R-I-P. But not R-I-P-P-P.

We're pissing? What? Wait, wait, rest in piss? The second P is for P. Yeah. What? I was trying to open up an article that wasn't opening up, and then I was trying to get rid of the online ad,

and my brain just said R-I-P-P. Talking about piss for some reason. But no, it was also because of Pedro Pascal. And that is the transition. We need a right story. Rest in Pedro Pascal. Yeah, rest in Pedro Pascal. You'd like to rest in Pedro Pascal.

That's what we say here. I'm face up on Dallas from now. Yeah. Rest in Pedro Pascal. If only you could be held by him for one moment, you'd probably stay alive a little longer. Oh my God, I'll rest in his arms anywhere anywhere he wants me to be. I'll rest on him.

I'll plank on. I'm all gunk all up in there from other men's thumbs. Yes, I'm bringing up the fact that Pedro Pascal brought up. So this is not a spoiler at this point because it's been years. They're talking about his Game of Throne character's death. And it is one of the most, I think it is like the iconic death from Game of Thrones. And if you are not familiar with it, I guess I would say look at us. but maybe don't look it up.

Essentially, through your eyeballs, if you press hard enough, your head explodes. All right. All right, Jag. Let's back that up. Let's just back up the truck. Beep, beep, beep. I think what happens is if a man bigger than the moon with muscles larger than your average house cat is attacking you in that way, yes, the force of his.

the sheer nature of his hands would rip you apart. I think other than that, I think just the thumb goes all the way in. And I guess fans wanted to reenact this in photo ops with him. And he was game because he was, you know, in that early phase where it's very exciting to have a bunch of fans wanting to stick their thumbs in your eyes. I would never trust. But anyways, he got some kind of eye disease from it. We don't even know what it. He got an eye infection from how dirty people's hands were when they would shove them

his eyes. But what is going on here? That is the most, I would never, I wouldn't let you do that to me, Jackie. I don't understand why anyone would let a stranger do it. I wouldn't even let, like, Lexi do that to me. That is so scary to place thumbs on eyeballs like that. It's such a scary gesture. I mean, people, when we meet people at our VIP after our shows, people are like, is it okay if we hug? You know, like I had one person, I was wearing, I usually wear a mask during VIP meetings. And I had one person be like, would you like me to put a mask on? So like, yeah, idea of like somebody just going up to Pedro Pascal be like thumb directly into

the eye. It's just like... It's a pre-COVID situation for sure. And just fans, I don't, I. I'm funny. I don't understand. So I'm going to turn into that bit from Wayne's World. The guy has the lazy eye and he keeps to mention it eyeballs. But anyways, Pedro Pascal, what is going on, bro?

This is not healthy behavior. Lock him up. Lock. lock him up. Lock him up. Lock him in a cage inside of Jackie's basement so she can have fun nighttime game. No, I want him to want to be there. No, I want him to be there. Yeah, and you're going to piss on his knees and piss on his feet because I know that's what you gets your jollies.

Yeah, you do. You like to pee on guys' legs and everybody knows it. No, that's not true. I know we've been real, real wacky. these days on the show, but I feel like this is the most on this. It's your fault, it's your weird, Reddit energy. I'm so sorry. You brought your Reddit energy into page seven. I don't want to go on that website. That is my

New Year's resolution. Don't tell me what's happening on Reddit. Never ever take someone on a dared. Never be, allow yourself to be dared. That is the first lesson I'm going to teach Winnie. That is just never okay. It is truth or truth. You always pick truth. I will say that if you are uninitiated to hot ones, Pedro Pascal is a great place to start because watching him just eat increasingly spicy. Hot wings is very good.

Also the Aubrey Plaza one and the Tom Holland one, very good. I don't know how it took me so long to get into hot ones, but it's just like if you do like celebrity interviews, it is the absolute best case scenario where they just get to. increasingly start weeping throughout the interview and eating spicier and spicier wings. And the Pedro Pascal one is excellent, which is where he, at least in part where he shares this thing

about the eye infection. You know, may we all get so famous that we can like tell these disgusting stories? If he wasn't Pedro Pascal and someone told the story, you'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You know, because he's Pedro Pascal, it's like charming that he just let strangers put their thumbs in his eyes over and over.

I just kidding. I would never, that's such a vulnerable, that's like that or like someone putting their hands around your neck are two things that I just would never allow someone to do even in, only in like a movie or something like that. You know what I mean? And I got to hurt them afterwards somehow. I got to like punch them in their genitals or something. I wonder why they don't ask you to be on movies, Holden. I'm so surprised. The genital clause is in the contract.

I don't care, all right? I'll get naked. I'll get, you know what I mean? It sounds like you have claws. on your genitals, which is very, very scary. It's a real bear down there. The genital Clause is the fourth Santa Claus movie. No.

The genital Clause. I like doing silly stuff for photo ops to the VIP, by the way, don't get me wrong. But nay, nay to the thumb and the eye. All right, no thumb in the eye. Take no. Of course, what VIP are we talking about? Yes, we are talking about the release, the butthole cut tour. Get your tickets.

Last podcast. Network.com. Yes, dude, we've got June, July, September, October dates. We just added Pittsburgh in October. We're all over the place, man. Let's get, let's, let's, let meet us out, dude. We'll fucking hang out. We'll party. Let's get loud. Yeah, we'll get loud. Yeah, we'll stay with your house, sleep in your mom's room. I'll sleep with your mom. I'll do it. I don't care. It's going to be just like jackass. We're going to bring our own portopodies, and we're going to, and Hold's going to have his dick out. We're going to paint it like it's, like it's Godzilla. Well, you might get cut by the claw.

Well, there's one place where there are no genital claws, and that is in the Barbie movie, because they don't have genitals at all. Team Barbie over Team Oppenheimer, which has been a hilarious, weird internet war where now we're competing. It's such an insane war that, like, I feel like, I mean, obviously we're a Barbie here. I'm so much more into seeing the Barbie movie than Oppenheimer. It's not even a joke. It's even close. I'm so much more excited about it. I am stunned by how much I love the Barbie trailer.

I was not expecting to just absolutely love everything about it. I watched it several times, and I'm extremely excited. I was completely indifferent. I was, of course, enjoying the shots of the costumes. And any time I got to look at Ryan Gosling and Margot Robbie, honestly, it was everything that was coming out, I was like, this looks fun, but obviously nobody really knew what exactly it was going to be about. and then when I watched the trailer, I was just like, am I extremely moved by this?

Right? Yeah, it's like really exciting. And that you do, Aleipa song, so good. So banging. It is just like everything about this trailer is delightful. And then you just like, and then you're forced to watch the Oppenheimer trailer before every single movie right now.

And I just keep seeing this trailer and I'm just like, I mean, I guess I'll see it. Like, I feel like it's like power of the slog. Like I know. I will watch it, but I do kind of have to force myself to watch it. Right. Yeah. It's a real shame where we're at these days where we just want to be blissfully entertained

instead of having to be drug through the mud of history. Well, yeah, when we're living in the heydays of ultimatum queer love, of course that's all we want. I'm releasing the gates. You're allowed to talk about ultimatum queer love. Oh, I put the kibosh on talking about it before we start. recording. I was like, no, we're all talking about it on the episode. Yes, we needed to save it because, of course, we're not going to talk about the succession season finale, because as we learned from Holden, he hasn't seen it yet, but we are

going to talk about ultimatum queer love. Now, I had never seen the original ultimatum, but obviously I get the idea. It's a complete bat-shit premise. You want to explain MJ, the basic premise of the ultimatum. And I'm going to, I want to say this with hoping that it doesn't, like hit too close to home for anyone, but I'm going to say in general, if you find yourself in the situation that all these couples find themselves in, which is one person in the couple has given an ultimatum, either marry me or the relationship is over. Yikes. It is, of course, a very familiar situation. I think I don't think I know anyone who hasn't had at least this happened to someone

in their friend group, especially as you get into the late 20s and early 30s and people start to feel all the pressures and everything. But if you find yourself in this, situation, it might not be great for the, it might be in your relationship should not go towards the stay in the relationship. It's generally, I think, not usually a good sign, but of course, that's why it makes a fantastic show. Oh, God, it makes a fantastic show. Each couple comes and they're in this exact situation. And then this time they're all lesbians. Yeah, so I think the way it's all, the way in which it's all lesbians, it's so fun is the part where they're just immediately done with the person they were with before, and they're just immediately in love with the person

that they have decided to shack up with. A lot of them are just like, all right, so I'm going ahead and rewriting my will and putting you in it. I hope that's cool. And we've got, you know, the whole moving truck jokes, you know, I could make them all day. But it is just so funny how quick everyone is to just be married to each other after being so in love. Well, then it's fun to watch with somebody who mostly dated women, you know, because I'm sure she has a fun perspective.

And Lexi's like, I'm reliving so much trauma. Lexi keeps saying it's so funny. It's triggering in multiple ways. I've just been sitting watching it by myself and I can't talk to anyone about my experiences or how much I'm just like, ah, ah! Because of just people that remind me of people that I've dated before and things like that, where I'm just like, get out, get out, demon. I want to like exercise my demons while I watch this show. Because you have much more insight than me, obviously,

and so does Lexi, of course. So what is popping out to you besides like the very obvious observation I just made? Well, I mean, I know what's popping out to me is that I'm in love with Lexi and Matt. Oh my God. I'm beyond in love with both of them.

I want them both. So hot. Obviously, I'm also in love with Lexi, which is hilarious because her name is Lexi. She is... Wait, which one's Lexi? I only watched the first episode. The blonde bombshell.

I mean, it's the best. The booby one? Yeah. I mean, this is the best is the word. She is a giant and that is so hot. She's so hot. I just love how everyone is immediately. The first, like, it is actually really, really fun as like a, I am such a consumer

of straight reality shows that to see the exact same stupid formula, everything about all of the stupidness of heterosexuality. and stupidness of heterosexual reality shows and put like queer people in the same completely stupid formula is really fun because it's like we're gonna we're making you all break up and we're gonna put you all in bikinis in a pool

and you all have to flirt but instead of like any I mean this is such an unoriginal thought but it's just like none of the like shitty unsafe or just if what unsafe at worst or annoying at best things that come with like you know masculinity, like, none of that. And it's like just a bunch of women,

but they're also really horny. And they all love women. And so they're like, Lexi's walking around with her giant bazongas and everyone's just like, look at her boobs. But it's like... Gaggle, Google, goggo, goo, gogo. It's just like so much, I don't know, the vibe.

So it's like the same stupidity and hornyness as a straight reality show, but the vibe is just like, I don't know, it just feels like a lot less like gross, a lot less menacing, a lot more respectful. And again, these are, I know I'm saying, like, very basic thoughts about like, what if there were no men and only women? Obviously, women could be shitty to each other too. Same with my, like, very fast to commit.

Right, the stereotypes. But it's so true in the show. In the show. It's so true in the show. It is very funny to see these, like, extremely hot queer people just, and I will say my favorite thing about it is similarly just to the stupid,

situations that they're putting them in and stuff. It's also, thank God, like, just as, like, they're editing it and, and, you know, scoring it and everything. It's just as, like, like, we're also seeing them, like, go back to the room with each other and make out with each other, just like we do with straight, with, on straight reality shows. And I say that as noteworthy only because for so many years now, it's been fine to show queer people on shows, but, like, you don't really get to see them being, like, horse. and having sex with each other, you know, the whole modern family phenomenon where, like,

that the gay couple never kisses, you know? Right. And, like, never has any, like, reference to their sex life the way that the straight couples do. And that, you know, is now well over a decade now. But to see, I, still in 2023, I was surprised to be like, oh, yeah, they're going home together. Ooh, we're going to get to see them make out with each other. Like, I was actually, it felt surprising.

You know, it's funny is I feel like I went through this already, which is why it's not is mind-blowing to me because of are you the one, the sex of season eight or whatever, the sex of those season, which was like my favorite, one of my favorite seasons of reality of all time. Ever. And that was a big part of it.

It was such a refreshing, like, take to be like, yeah, and then they're hooking up and it's hot as shit. But then they were also, like, all singles, so they were, like, having threesomes and stuff in ways that, like, you didn't get with the normal straight seasons, and it was, like, really hot. But anyways, I, uh, I love these lesbians. I just do, though.

I haven't watched Succession. I can't believe you. I've completely caught up and ultimate for your love. I can't get enough of it. But Holden, don't look at the internet. The internet is all spoilers for succession. That's the thing.

That's the thing. You've got to get in under the wire. And you know what I have to say about that? Thank God. I hate the internet. Yes. Stay away from happy. To get a break.

I was like on Sunday night, I was like, I have to watch, I have to stay up. Like, I need to, like, do some exercise or something, get my brain awake because I will not find out what happens at the end of Succession on Twitter. And so I was able to watch it all on today night. So please, no one talk to Holden until he has seen the ending of Succession. I heard, I heard there's talking money. It's just like, hey, guys, you're all crazy about me, aren't you?

I'm just crazy about money and money, right? That's like that song. It's Henry's, too. I heard he voices it. Like he voices, can we say he did the voice on Barbarian? Is that okay? I think so, yeah.

Yeah, man, I can't believe he didn't tell us about that. We didn't even talk about that, didn't we? That he's a prominent voice. I'll just say vaguely, he's a prominent voice in the movie Barbarian, which we all saw and were obsessed with,

and he just, like, didn't tell us, and then flippantly told us, like, months after the fact. We were like, what? Why didn't you tell us that? I would have loved to have known that going in. That would have, like, Made it even better.

And you didn't recognize his voice when you watched it? Well... No, it probably has a bunch of effects on it and stuff. I don't even know. It's a crazy voice, let's just say. Okay. Yeah.

I do also just in with ultimatum queer love real quick, we do have some insider information and hopefully we will get more on it. And apparently Vanessa is just as crazy as you would assume that she is. Vanessa is the clear villain. I almost said queer villain, but she's also that.

The clear villain. of ultimatum, so aggressively so, and I'm wondering if this is also like a queer love thing that we don't get as much with the straight people. The straight people seem to be a little more dance around it and wait until like

the reunion to throw the shit around. Ultimatum, they're just, maybe it's just this particular cast. They're just immediately like, you're a bitch. Like, not like necessarily you're a bitch. Like no one's saying that, but everyone to me like, Vanessa,

you're really fucking doing some questionable shit. And I don't like it. And like, it's just everybody's weighing in in a way. And the way that she, I almost respect it, the way that she like deals with that and navigates like really hostile situations with like the entire cast is kind of impressive because it's like, man, they just call her shit out immediately in a way. Is that this where I have to put my like, I'm an idiot, cis man cap on? Is that a lesbian thing, Jackie?

I don't know if it is. I think it's just crazy. There's a lot clear communication. Yeah, for sure, but there's a lot clear communication from the get-go about her not being cool. Yes. And I, well, it also, it really just depends on what your type is. And I would say I went for people that maybe didn't communicate as well. But that's fine.

I would say I always hoped it would be like that. I was really impressed at that, like, the way that people on the cast are confronting her, you don't usually see until the reunion episode, right? Interesting. And they're doing it in episode two. I mean, but you could have entire dissertations about this about how do people communicate in like a mostly, you know, same gender space as opposed to communicating about, even about love and competition in a mixed gender space, you know.

I think that's what I'm getting at because I'm so afraid of saying anything like not, whatever, because I'm talking about something I've very, it's like foreign and not. Follow your instincts. I think you're asking questions. You're asking questions. It's good. It's been great, though, to watch it with Lexi and get. that get these bits of perspective.

You know what I mean? Because it is really nice to have. So if you're an idiot, cis straight white guy like me, you know, just try to like, I don't know, trick a lesbian into watching it with you.

And then you could ask them questions. But wait, I have a question. Why are Nick Lachey and Vanessa Lachey the hosts of the straight ultimatum? And they just got some rando who no one knows. No, I know who that is. I've seen her before.

She's hot. She's an actress. She's just some hot lady. Joanna Garcia Swisher. And they start, and the very first question that they all ask of her is, are you queer? And she's like, no. Sorry. Yeah.

And I don't know why. Yeah. Like, if you're not going to have a queer person do it, why not have Nick and Vanessa Lechay do it? You know what I mean? Like, it would make sense to be like, you know what? Let's not have Nick and Vanessa Lechay. Let's have like a famous queer couple do it. Right.

You know. And instead they're just like, let's get. some budget straight lady to do it. I'm not actually complaining. It's just such a strange choice. Budget straight lady. I just love that immediately they were all like, are you queer? And she literally says,

no, I'm sorry. That's funny. Also, I kind of Loki love that she said, I'm sorry as if because, like, I know you all want to have sex with me, but you can't, lesbians. She was on Reba. Thank you very much, MJ.

The show Riba that everybody remembers, starring Reba Matentire. Yes. And that qualifies her to host the ultimate queer love. She was also, she starred in the film Revenge of the Bridesmaids. We know two things about it. Yeah, she's not gay. Again, she starred in the romantic comedy, Revenge of the Bridesmaids, which came out in 2010. She was leading role in that, okay?

So let's take it easy on the bars. Oh, she's married to a baseball player. Oh, I'd like to play. you were wondering. I like to play with her balls. You know what I mean? What? I don't think I'm gay.

I don't know what's going on anymore. I'm queer love. Well, I was joking. I mean, all my TV right now is gay, besides succession, which clearly I'm not watching. It is literally queer eye, the new queer eye, which I'm enjoying quite a lot, this, and drag race All-Star Season 8. It is just the gay. We just gay it up at night, and it's so fun. But regardless, I can't wait to watch more of these fucking.

lesbians. I just, I can't wait to watch them fall in love with each other. I can't wait to watch all the big meetups that they force them to do with each other. I, there's just, they create such drama in this show, like the editing and the way that they do these shows. But it already is so ripe for drama. Here's a great example. I can't pull my face away from it. One massive argument was that one of the people in the couple, uh, one of the people in the couple was upset that the other one wasn't being nice enough to her dog. Yes. And that was like a huge point.

It was like, you need to be nicer to my, you need to be more devoted to my dog. It wasn't they weren't being nice to the dog, by the way, or they weren't being mean to the dog. They just weren't showing enough dedication. Yes.

But also, did Tiff not talk about how much, like, right, it's Tiff, right? Yeah. That not talk about how much they need their dog in their, like, presence and life. Like the entire week you were talking to this person. Did you not get across the fact that like your dog is a huge part of your life?

You probably should have. Or did you just assume that everyone loves dogs? Because not everyone loves dogs. It is Tiff. And I did missay, I think her and it's they, them for Tiff for sure. Yes. Yeah. But it is, but it is, right?

That was Tiff's stuff. Well, but how long are they dating? They keep talking about all these dates they went on. But isn't it, how long does it really take before they pair up? It's like a week, right? It's a funny. That's so lesbian about this. It's like, we've got on all these dates.

It's like you guys have known each other for one week. And you're acting like... But also, you talk so much. You talk to each other so much that you feel like you get to know each other faster. Like, it really is kind of crazy. Yeah. It's fucking wild. Anyways, MJ, we're wrapping up the...

As we wrap up the Ultimate Queer Love. Any more comments, any thoughts, any... any takeaways. I mean, it's really just like a net win for everyone. You know, I think sometimes people talk about representation. Like, you just do it because you're like supposed to. And it's just a more interesting reality experience to have something besides heterosexuality.

You know, I just feel like it's a win-win. Doesn't matter who you like to kiss. You will enjoy watching this because it is just, you know, it's a different, it's a different dynamic than a straight experience. Well, it's way more interesting. It's just switch it up. Right. I'm so tired of the argument about, you know, when people are like, oh, you're just

doing this to have like a, oh, yeah, lady superhero. God, you're pandering. It's like, no, I'm just sick as seeing stories of the same bro dude as the superhero. It's like interesting to see maybe a different culture or sexuality or whatever, and especially for dating shows. Like, God, we've seen the same fucking archetypes of straight people over and every again. And they kind of also exist in, like, the queer version, but they don't. But it's different.

But it's also a little different. And that's fucking fascinating. Yeah, totally. And to see, you know, yeah, community is kind of like shorthand for, you know, the things that come up on first dates and stuff. It's really, I am extremely excited. I think my husband is a bit fatigued of all the reality. Sorry, Gideon. Well.

Well, Gideon, you're in for a real treat because there's not one but. two strikes potentially on the horizon. And that means it will be nothing but reality for a good while. Get your and doors in now because that ain't going to be around for quite a bit, me, thanks. You know, we can either watch Perry Mason and he can hear me talk about how much I want to bang Matthew Reese or we can watch Ultimate Court of Queer Love and he can hear me talk about how much I want to bang Mal. You know, those are the two choices. Oh my God, Mal. Good Lord.

Mao. So hot. And the way Mal like supports Lexi's just whole. Just whole vibe. Oh my God. Good Lord. Way Mal just like appreci-not supports appreciates Lexi in this way. You're like, yeah, she's doing the work for me, they?

They're doing the work for me. Because I was waiting for a they-them on the show, but I did not see that anybody was using they-them's. I just got rid of it, but on the casting one I saw, we were just talking about how tips they-them for sure. And Mal is she-her-they? Oh, okay. That makes sense.

Hell yeah. I was like listening so closely. I was like, are there going to be any they-thems? And then I heard, I thought that I had heard everybody get sheed. But that's exciting. I thought that as well. Also apparently, though, I find it, I think it's so fun that it's like almost like a share. Aussie apparently doesn't like pronouns. Aussie just refers to be, prefers to be referred to as Aussie. I was because I was also trying to catch Aussie's pronouns and notice that they kept using that. that everyone who was talking about Aussie was using Aussie. And that's also great. It's cool to just hear people talk about people. I was listening to try to catch everyone's pronouns and catch everyone how they identified. Is there going to be anybody here who doesn't identify as a lesbian, but who identifies as, you know, queer or it doesn't identify as a woman or whatever? And so all of that is also just like let people watch stupid-ass shows about dumb shit also absorbing a little bit of like how to talk.

about somebody who doesn't use binary pronouns, you know? It's a win-win for everybody. It really is. Oh, it's the best. Absolutely. But... Except for literally everyone who lives in Florida. Are you ready for the celebrity conspiracy theory, or would you like to talk about anything

else before we get into it? Shall we do it? Let's do it. Hey, me with the share. Do you believe it? Was the 2011 film Jack and Jill affront to rescue Katie Holmes? That's right. We're talking about fish, fucker.

Tom Cruise today a little bit. Isn't that interesting? And, of course, always love an excuse to talk about the Adam Sandler Helmed. One of the worst comedies of all time, Jack and Jill. And it is weird. It is a little weird that Katie Holmes is in it. I had no idea she was in it until 10 seconds ago. You haven't seen Jack and Jill.

Oh, uh-oh. Are we going to have to do a watch one? Don't make me watch Dunkinino again. You're going to make me do this again. I've already had to watch Jack and Jill. For an episode of pop history. This was during the stretch where if an Adam Sandler movie came out, you had to run screaming away from the movie theater.

I'm going to put Little Nicky in the same category, or am I wrong there? Oh, yeah, Little Nikki. That one even passed. That one passed me by. That one is kind of good, though. Like, of all of them, that's not the worst one, right? Which is saying something. Wow.

Jack and Jill is, like, I, like, I remember I, like, rubbed my eyes a couple of times to make sure. that I was still like alive and watching something that was actually made that I hadn't accidentally like eaten three tabs of acid and then all of a sudden I'm watching a movie. Really? Yeah, people refer to it as the Serbian film of comedy. It is that harrowing to you walk away changed.

You know what I mean? It changes you. So this one comes in from Peter who writes, I took this off the red letter media subreddit. Ah, getting on Reddit, I see. I've got an interesting video. Oh, no, don't watch it with sound. Peter says they fact-checked nothing.

Original credits to user Banana Nut Nightmare. Thank you, banana nut. Sounds great already. It's beyond speculation at this point, Adam Sandler produces cheap projects to get his friends paid big money. In the half in the bag review of Jack and Jill, Mike observes that in 2011,

Katie Holmes isn't seen much outside the tabloids anymore and thinks she was in this film because it was one of, that her husband, Tom Cruise, notoriously controlling, would give his permission to simply because it would be a fat paycheck. But why did Adam Sandler choose Katie Holmes? The women who played his partners in his most recent preceding films were Jennifer Aniston, Leslie Mann, both very experienced comedy actors, Salma Hayek, because if you can pay anyone to pretend to be your wife, you cast Samaheich, makes sense. That's kind of the reoccurring stable, right? For sure. And then, so why Katie Homes?

And Drew Barrymore as well, but he usually has like his very normal go-toes for his wives and his movies. So why Katie Homes? We now know that Katie Homes secretly meticulously planned her divorce from Tom Cruise. She had to repeatedly meet with lawyers, secure a secret getaway apartment, bank account, cell phone to ensure a quick, safe escape with full custody of their daughter. All without him or the Church of Scientology suspecting a thing. Holmes was given nothing to do in the film. The job provided her not just money, but maybe it even more importantly provided an alibi. Maybe Jack and Joe was a cover that gave her an excuse to be out on the loose, but also gave her enough free time since she hardly had any lines or need to rehearse real acting.

That she could meet with lawyers and plan her escape. I think Adam Sandler hired Katie Holmes for this reason. This was the last project Holmes would work on before her divorce a few months later. I would even go as far to suggest he slapped the whole film together specifically as a cover for her. This person, the user then details another interesting sitch around sports reporter Aaron Andrew, who had a small role in That's My Boy in 2012 while battling in court against her stalker, which the user proposes was done by Sandler to help her get out of that and through that and pay for that. What if all of Adam Sandler's terrible money laundering scheme movies are froncy, tosses together ASAP in order to provide fast help to victimized women?

Jackie and AJ is actually. Why we have the Dunkinio is to save abuse victims? To save, yeah, that's abuse help hotline. Is Adam Sandler a secret hero is the question I ask to you to? Wow. Do you believe? Well, this is, I mean, Jackie's got to answer for since she's seen it. All right, well, I, again, I reference, I bring up, because how could you not bring up the Dunkuccino when referring to?

to Jack and Jill. Of course. Of course, if you don't know, it is Al Pacino doing a silly Dunkin' Donuts commercial song called The Dunkin' It's great. Because he's Al Pacino. So funny. And it is, which is already a fever dream in and of itself. Yeah, it's so weird. I, you know what? I'm going to say I believe because here, here comes, all right? And there it goes. All right. That's it. Wow. A real hot, that's it. A little podcast. show situation with Jackie just now. A real colleague. Throw me a Joe.

The wolves here. No. I do. No, I do believe just because simply, you're right, Katie Holmes, I don't even remember, I didn't even remember that Katie Holmes was in that movie and I watched this movie. She is nothing in, there's not a part of the plot, really. It's really all about Jack and Jill and Al Pacino. So that's why I do, and the fact that I have.

heard nothing but amazing things about Adam Sandler, who is supposedly like another one of those like Jack Black types, who is just like a genuinely good dude that like he really was making these movies to get his friends paid and just to like have fun and why not. So you know what? I believe. Wow. Hell yeah. All right. I'm going to choose to believe because I want to believe in that world. I want to believe that the years I spent seeing every Adam Sandler trailer come out, each one looking worse than the last, we're all for something and not for nothing. And so I'm going to, I'm going to try to manifest this world into reality where it all was just to get his friends paid and to help women in need. And so I also believe. All right. That's beautiful. Yeah,

I agree that everything I hear about Adam Sandler seems to be great, and that we know well that he uses his movies as excuses to help out his friends. So why wouldn't he help a scared woman that was terrified of this man who fucks fish and then lies and steals? And, you know, she has to sneak out in the night from the veil of Scientology and his penis inside the fleshy scales of a fish. Now, do we think that Katie Holmes knows about the fish? or do you think that he keeps this secret even from her?

I think she at least knows he's fucking something that's not her. You know what I mean? And it's also not a person. I think she knows he's fucking something not a person. Yeah. For sure. I mean, as you imagine, she's smelling it. She's just like, yeah, she smells his penis.

Also, I want to give a shout out to someone that I think that it was in our email that brought up the fact that like, or we could have been one of my DMs, that like if you guys, I don't think either one of you isn't watch the boys yet. No. I watched some of the boys. Yeah, I like the boys. So the deep is apparently based on Tom Cruise, and the deep in the boys also has sex with fish.

Oh. Yes. Because he's like an aquaman one to one. So he's like a fish guy. So yeah, that's like one of his things is that he fucks fish. Yes, this was an email, Jackie. I see it in the inbox. Wow.

It was one I guess I should have actually addressed probably in these conspiracy theories. But regardless, yeah, that's crazy. That's a weird crazy coincidence, man. So continue to send in your fish fuck theories. Maybe I'll do another round of them in the next couple weeks. We could try to bring it back a little bit because I need it, man. I miss it. You know what I mean?

I mean, I know we talk about a little bit. Yeah, I needed it in my fish guts, man. Because it's like, sometimes you live through someone. Oh, no. They're so tiny. Oh, yeah. That's the problem with cutting them open, right? Because those little fish bones.

Yeah. That's why I think it's through the gills. Yeah. The fucking. Then the penis comes out of its mouth. Maybe it likes to see the penis go out of its through the gill out the mouth. Oh, that would be like a little like dick in the box. Yeah, kind of like a weird dick in the box kind of thing.

And maybe he likes to see it. He's like, hello, makes him think it's not his. It's just like a penis coming out of the fish. And then he sucks his own dick. What's going on? It's a weird one, guys. What are you going on? What's going on?

Yeah. This is a weird one. Again, I blame a hold of. Yeah. But I'm having to. Email holding. I'm having to say. Email hold it.

EBS, please email me. Email me at G-E-T-F-C-K-B-D at g-mail.com. With all of your issues you have with the things I think and say. Don't worry. It's time for the list. Who's on the list? Check-ay. Got to have a.

that list. Well, this just makes me think of Jeremy Strong, obviously, 13 weirdos who method acted too close to the sun. Oh my God. This, I didn't know. And castaway, I knew about the weight loss part. Castaway, Tom Hanks, on top of losing 50 pounds, he didn't shower for the roll and was hospitalized for three days with a staff infection. His doctor said, I have to put you in the hospital because we have to get this infection out of you before it poisons your blood and you die. Jesus. That's terrifying. I didn't realize that Merrill Streep was

Method Acting for the Devil. Where's Prada? Her performance was Oscar nominated, but she said it was the last time she'd ever attempt Method acting. It was horrible. I was miserable in my trailer. I could hear them all laughing. I was so depressed. I just love, I can hear them all

laughing. Who is she talking about? Just the cast and crew. They're all being normal. That's got to be one of the most annoying things about method acting is like everybody's being normal it's like a fun and it's fun a lot of times not all movies sets of in fact not a lot of them i'm sure but if everyone gets along and stuff too everybody's loves showing up to work and it's exciting and fun and and to sit there and be like no i'm what's your name from the vanity fair lady sunglasses i'm mad and mean all the time about fashion you know what

yeah yeah and then you have a little pout on your face or you're stinking up the place like shy a le buff and fury he pulled out his own even though no one asked him to. In his method acting, he got overly confrontational with the cast and refused to shower for weeks. Brad Pitt confronted him about his attitude and distracting odor. It's just, especially like, who even remembers this movie? I don't even know what this movie's about.

I definitely haven't seen it. That's always the funniest one when someone goes so hard in the paint, like fucking fuckface and Suicide Squad. Jared Leto, when someone goes so hard in the paint, for a fucking dog shit movie. It's so funny to me. It's like, man, you wasted all that time. All you had to do is show up and be crazy, the Joker.

You did not have to go method on that. You totally could have pulled that performance out of your ass. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like if you're Daniel Day Lewis or Jeremy Strong, everyone can make fun of method acting, but ultimately it's like, okay, you've obviously done this for an incredible performance, so whatever works.

And if you are shy a buff in, Fury. Right. It's like, did you really need to ruin everyone else's life too? As well as your own.

Come on. To be in a movie, no one remembers and no one can't, like no one thinks your performance was that much better either. You know what I mean?

No. It's not like people watch that and be like Shah, LaBouf's on another level. You know? Just take a shower. Take a shower.

No one has said that about LeBuff in quite sometimes. Not since even Stevens have they said he's on another level. No. Oh, but I did love the reader. I don't know if you're going to skip that one. or not. I was going to skip that one. I'm so sorry. We can talk about Kate Winslet as a Nazi.

After portraying a concentration camp guard, Winslet admitted that it took her months to recover from the role. It's like I've escaped from a serious car accident and need to understand what has just happened. It's like that guy who can't stop talking like Elvis. You've seen him in interviews, it's hilarious. It's been like a year and he still talks like Elvis. Yeah, man, he got really into it. I mean... Could you imagine? Well, can you imagine getting punched by Dolf Lundgren, like Sylvester Stallone did in Rocky 4. For authenticity, he asked Dolf to just go out there and clock me. And he ended up in the ICU for nine days.

My God. Doctors said that Lundgren's punch hit his heart against his rib cage and injury scene after head-on collisions. Yikes. Heart against the rib cage. Isn't that crazy? Well, this is also extra crazy because on, I will say on the leftovers, I am going to bring up the fact that I started watching the family

Stallone last night. I'm obsessed with the family Stallone. Nice. Which is Sly's new reality show with his kids. Mildly based on the very tragic Christmas film, the Family Stone. No, it's not. I was going to say, I love a Family Stone reference. But it's such a weird

thing to reference for a silly reality show about a family, but it's like, you're referencing a movie about a sad woman's death. Uh, anyways. Whoa, spoiler alert for Family Stone. Spoiler. Family spend. Spoilers. What about speaking of Dunkinino's, when Al Pacino actually went blind while shooting scent of a woman. While filming, he claimed you actually be blind.

He tripped over things that he couldn't see. And he sent Chris O'Donnell a letter saying, I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell what you were doing because I thought I never saw you. From what I heard, your performance is amazing. Sure, Al. He went blind. This is another one of those things where if it wasn't Al Pacino, you'd be like, all right.

Because also, like, Al Pacino is literally so funny to think of Al Pacino as method acting because he's so just Al Pacino in every movie he does. I've never thought it ever otherwise to have him be like, yeah, I lost myself the role of being Al Pacino because of what you are. Now, we've talked about Daniel Day Lupino. in Lincoln before, but what about in gangs of New York when he caught pneumonia after refusing to wear a coat between scenes since those coats didn't exist in the 1860s? It's just so just...

He said, I will admit that I went mad, totally mad, not so good for my physical or mental health. And by the way, talking about a movie that was kind of a dud a little bit, like his role in it is iconic, but the movie's kind of... Because you imagine, I would be so mad if I was Daniel Day-Lewis, like, watching Cameron Diaz act in that movie and just be like, God, fuck it. I'm doing, I'm putting my heart on the lot. Like, I'm putting it all out there on the dance floor. And you're just, you know, it's just so unmatched. That's a little bit of the problem with him in any movie a little bit.

He's just so unmatched, though. So it's like, stands out. But especially in this movie, which I should probably go back and rewatch. But I remember back when I saw it, I was like, this isn't very good. This is like the first Scorsese movie I'm not loving, you know? Yeah. Even though he was incredible in it as Billy the Butcher. But one movie I don't think I need to go back and rewatch is Jobs.

And yes, that is Ashton Coucher playing Steve Jobs. Wait, rewatch? Wait, did you watch it the first time? Yeah. Well, ugh. Oh, yeah. You watched that movie. Oh, yeah.

I was curious. It wasn't good, right? Yeah, yeah. I was curious. I mean, it was just, it was boring. I was like, I was like, why am I watching this? I didn't know why I watched it. It was one of those like Sunday afternoon movies that I put on.

And I was just like, you know what? Yeah, I'll watch this. He was a fruititarian. Fruitarian. Steve Jobs was a frutarian living on a mainly fruit diet. And Coucher replicated this. His wife, Milakuna says he was so dumb. He only ate grapes at one point.

We ended up in the hospital twice with pancreatitis. It was really dumb. Wait, and didn't he have pancreatic cancer? Steve Jobs did? Whoa, did he? I thought that's what he died up. From only eating fruit. So, I mean, maybe he should just, because he should have eaten other things.

Imagine being married to a method actor too. That would be arguably the worst. It was pancreatic cancer. Yeah, dude. Oh my God. Why was he eating only fruit? Yeah, hey, maybe if a guy like famously died of pancreatic cancer don't replicate his diet. Then also it's like, especially when that diet is insane.

Like, you should, obviously, who's ever heard of a fruitarian diet? diet, like, it's just not a thing. Like, you have to mix it up with other stuff. That's crazy. Wow. He only ate grapes at one point. Could you imagine dealing with that? Fucking so annoying.

Oh, my God, you'd be like, I'm married to. I have to deal with you. Eat something besides grapes, you know? You know he was in a bad mood the entire time. Yeah. And so you're just like, eat something else. Just eat like a sandwich, please. Yeah.

Now my job is to manage you on a grape diet, you know? Like, come on. Meelakuna says other things to do. Yeah, it reminds me of this one couple I knew back in the day that went vegetarian. And by vegetarian, they would just eat these weird veggie burgers that they could get down the street. And that was like it. So it was like, I guess you're vegetarian, but like, you got to figure this out, man. You can't just be eating veggie burgers.

Especially when it's like it's fully replicating meat and that's the only thing you're eating. Yes. I think you're just a meat eater. We've all been the vegetarian who just eats French fries and, you know, not Skittles, but whatever the vegan version of Skittles are. You know, I definitely was that vegetarian for a while. But if you're going to sustain it, you've got to find some other things to get in there. Oh, yeah.

So other things to get at the bodega besides a veggie burger. And then you make it your entire personality. Yes. The end. Well, that's my list for you guys. Wow. Hey, good list, Jackie. That was a good list.

Thanks, guys. I love, I feel like it's a theme. on this show talking about how stupid method acting is. So that's, I love especially the person grumpy in their trailer because their character's grumpy and they have to be grumpy all day and just hearing people have fun, just enjoying their working lives. When set life is so much fun. Yeah.

And you're just going to be a grump frump? Like that or like, you know, like talking about, I, we didn't say this on the list, but, you know, everyone knows that Jim Carrey when he was playing Andy Kaufman also did method acting and everyone knows that he was like just the worst person to deal with. Totally. He wouldn't come to set. He's fucking over everybody else. Like you're costing the set and everybody, you're wasting everybody's time.

That would just piss me off to no end. So up your own ass, yeah, for sure. And he did go insane making that movie. That too, honestly, we forget about that too, that it also kind of fucks with these people's heads too. It makes people crazy. when they get into this. I want to know, I truly want to know how Jeremy Strong is doing.

I know there was that big, insufferable, I think everyone thinks he's really annoying. There was that, a big profile of him. But I feel like that was like a year ago now or so. I like, I truly want to know, like, how are you? Are you okay? Yeah. You know, because it would be very intense to be Kendall for that many years. Someone cast him as a guy that's just like happy in his life and doing well.

That's what we got to start doing with these method actors. We have to just start casting them in. roles where they're just reasonable, sensible people having a good time in life. That's the only way to get them out of it. All right. Well, you know, all this has really made me, I think, go a little blind items. We can't see them. Wow.

That was a little switchroom. Well, it's a weird day, all right? It is a weird day. All right? This is what happens. I let's know I watched it with sound again just now while we were talking about. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Anytime. I can't get over it. It's because he's watching something horrifying on Reddit. They posted it twice. I got to get through these comments. I got to learn about all the ins and outs of, you know, cruise ship survival. But before we get, by the way, just go to a resort. I don't understand the cruise thing.

Go to resort. It's cruise on land. And then you can do whatever you want. Why do we need to put ourselves in mortal danger? You know what I mean? I don't know. Jackie, isn't your family a cruise family? Yeah, I'm called by the sound of its horns.

There's something, it is just trash. I'm a trash person and it's a trash time. It's one of those things. I'll never quite understand, like, when you can just go to a big fun resort, you know what I mean? Like, I guess because you want to like the element of travel, but. Yeah, get the travel in there. You get to see that open sea, man. I would feel like an Irish person like trying to make it over to the new land.

Right. You'd be singing about how there aren't any. You say that MJ, but you would love a cruise. I know how you love tacky things. Yeah, I'd love a cruise too, I think, at the end of the day. If I was offered a free one, I'm sure I'd have fun. But if I have the choice, I'm going resort all day because you get the same shit, but like better living quarter, like bigger, better living quarters.

Same tackiness, but on land. You know, see, this is the thing. I love tackiness, but what else do I love to do? Vomit violently when in motion. Yes. And that's why I kill it. could never, ever go on a cruise. Yeah, yeah.

I love that you love to vomit. I don't love it. I get it. You know, I'm your puky brethren, so I understand. Oh, I puke on that boat. Oh, yeah. I'm glad to peak on the boat. Yeah, you don't go to resort and just pukech just from the sheer fact of being there.

It just makes me, it just is so confusing to me. It makes it more, it makes you tougher. It makes you more of an adventure hound, like everyone says about me. I just want to be on vacation. I just want to sleep. Anyways. And all you got was nothing but trouble. we go.

Hookups. We got hookups, guys. We got a lot of hookups. You're ready for this? Yeah. There's some back in the day, juicy, hot hookups. Who's fucking, who's sucking and who's

getting all that clucking going on? Because they're getting their vagina eating out and it's making them go. Okay. This permanent A-list actor slash director who got his start on television and this permanent A-list, mostly movie actress, who is an Oscar

winner, have starred in several movies together spanning decades. It was their first collaboration that they hooked up during the entirety of filming. It's why they have such good chemistry now. A little more facts. All right, the guy's like a silver fox. Sometimes there's blinds about it. George Clooney. Yes.

Who's the lady? She's got a smile. Julia Roberts. Yes. Ocean's 11, I believe, was their first collab. Oh, and they're hooking up? They hooked up all through that first movie apparently. Talk about a tape. Yes. Talk about a tape.

I would watch it over and over again. And I think I love the movie set hookup because it reminds me of such a special time in my life of doing the high school play. Yeah. And how horny and fun it was to be backstage and finding little secret corners. That's a funny thing about a movie side.

There's all these little secret corners you can find. Oh, yeah. And you have to be quiet. And then like a gaffer spots you. And you're like, good day, gaffa. And the gaffer's like, oh, good day. Saw you kissing the light. You know what I mean?

or whatever, right? You have to do that all the way. That's always what happens. It's so crazy. Shial a booze, drinking his own piss, method acting in the corner. Like, I hate my fucking stupid life. You know what I mean?

You're fucking some hot ass, bro. You know what I mean? Yes, in the dark and the quiet. Yeah. Suck it on Emma Stone's fingers. Like astronaut's wife. Yeah, exactly. Just like astronaut's life.

Wife. Right, MJ. Pretty fun, huh? I, I've just been thinking about how much I want to make out with George Clooney this entire time. my finesse. Right. What about Julia Roberts? I didn't even know if I could make out. And Julia Roberts. I don't even know if I could make out with that mouth. That thing is huge. I'd be like my nose is in your mouth right now. You can't even handle her. That's why. Of course I couldn't. She just opens her mouth up and swallows you a hole. Yeah, exactly. She'd be like a- Like a snake. She on hinges. What was that music? That chemical brother's music video or whatever. No, it wasn't chemical brothers. You know what I mean. With the old lady and the giant monster with the huge mouth. Anyways, this is what I'm thinking about. What's he talking about? I think I know what you're talking about. I think I know what you're talking about. I think I know what you're Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that a pornography? Jackie, not everything's pornographic, okay? I'm sorry, I live in a world of smut, okay? More hookups, if you're ready for it. Yes. This permanent one-named A-list rapper was brought in to do work with this permanent one-named A-list singer. One thing led to another, and they started hooking up.

He now brags about it. She likes to pretend she was a virgin until she met her husband, but she wasn't because she fucked this guy. the rapper and the singer, who are they? Isn't it interesting? A little bit of an ebony and ivory scenario going on here, which is fun. Well, I don't think, it's not Eminem and Rihanna. It's Eminem and someone else.

Someone arguably even hotter and huger than Rihanna. Well, Rihanna is pretty hot and huge, so I don't know if that's possible. Who's higher than Rihanna? Big, big name, big name. Fans are annoying and aggressive. Beyonce? Yes. I love that you guys got it off of that.

It's so funny. Pants are annoying and aggressive. Eminem and Beyonce, what do you think about it? They collaborated on a track called Walk on Water back in 2017 on Eminem's ninth studio album. Revival. Isn't that fun that they hooked up? Wait, and the theory is that they hooked up in 2017? I don't know.

When did she get together with Jay-Z? I don't know what the timing is. I mean, I'd have to look up the timing on their marriage. I mean, she was definitely already with Jay-Z way before that. Oh, yeah. Okay. But that would be a dalliance. I would.

I'm like, weirdly enough, I'm like, not. excited about Beyonce hooking up with Eminem unless it is a dalliance from Jayce in which I am excited about it. What does that mean for me? Because of the lemonade or whatever.

Because, you know, she's getting him back or whatever. They've been married since 2008. Wow. Yeah, because when her drunken love, I think, was like 2015. Yeah, I was about to say, yeah, 2017, too.

So it might have been a different time, but anyways. Well, they... When was Lemonade, though? Was lemonade? Because it would be great if she was like, you know what? I'm going to fuck Eminem.

Yeah? You know, that would be a nice little get back at him. Yeah, you skittalas bitch or something like that. She was saying that to Beyonce, or to Jay-Z. And Jay-Z was like, I'm not a skittal-at bitch. All right, I'm a big, me. 2016, Lemonade was 2016. All right, there you go.

So maybe she was like, you know what I'll do? Maybe she's like, I'll fuck Eminem. Get you back, no get-backs. One of those. Wow. Pretty hot. All right. Final blind, if you can fucking believe it, fuckers.

This, I can't. I can't. I love you guys. Love you guys. Yeah. This A-list, mostly movie actor, has started at least four movie franchises. He is also married, but was doing Coke off a woman's arm at a party earlier this year. And earlier this week, rather, and then he reached under her dress.

He's got a big movie coming out that's like big, big, big as one of those franchises. one of the biggest franchise actors of all time. You've got to be a superhero. The Marvel guy? Yeah, or is it the Transformers movies? Neither. Neither. Big, almost bigger than that.

Bigger than that. Biger than that. Coming out soon. Movie, the long time coming. Well, it's not Tom Cruise. No, it's not. Even though Mission Impossible is coming out. He's old now.

So it's fun that he was doing cocaine off a lady's arm and putting it, well, maybe not. Harrison Ford. Yes. Whoa. Married to Calista Flores. Lockhart. Whoa. But he's doing blow off a girl's arm.

You know what? Impressive. By the way, arm. I never heard of arm. Yeah. It's like a weird way to flirt. And then you're going to get your snot all over her arm. I just feel like you're like wiping your nose on her.

Well, if you can make that argue against doing it off of a dick. I mean, that's the more normal one. It's like a dick or a thigh. Yeah, but at least then after that you're most likely probably going to get your, at least you're going to put that penis somewhere. You know. Right. Probably so. Maybe on your arm.

Maybe slap it against your arm. That's what you're into. Mic check, Mike check. I love doing a mic check sometimes. You know what I mean? Mike check, Mike check.

I don't think this one's on. I think I need a wireless one. I need a wireless mic. I think that I'm just impressed by the fact that he is out and do and blow cane. That's what I'm trying to say. I say let the man work. You know what I mean? He can do whatever he wants at this point.

He's definitely. an elder. Always forget, though, married to... Wow, 80 years old. How old's Colista Flockhart, too? She's a bit younger, right? She's 58. They've been married for...

Wow. Good for them. 22 years younger. Good for them. That's fun. Married in 2010. I bet she fucking knows her way around a cocaine spin, if you know what I mean? Yeah, maybe they were just having, maybe they were out and having fun.

Yeah, maybe it was Callista Flaiards? I hope he didn't cheat. Yeah. You know what I mean? Who knows? I mean, a hand up a skirt is that cheating if it's a, uh, different area codes? Oh, okay. Yes.

Yes. Unless they have an arrangement. Yes, unless there's an arrangement. It might have an arrangement. However, a lot of people joke how if they make it to 80, they're going to start smoking cigarettes again or, you know, doing really dangerous drugs. Maybe if you make it to 80 in the Harrison Ford close to Flockhart marriage, you get to feel up other people and do cocaine, but only off their arms.

When I turn 80, I'm going to once again do a problem. a comedian roundtable podcast. I think that's what I'm going to do. Let it all hang out. Finally, I'm in my final years. I'll just let it all fucking hit the wall. You know, that's canceled by 90. That's what I'm trying to be.

Canceled by 99. Release me, Lord. That's a great name for the show. Absolutely. Absolutely. The typing of the tiny fingers, the clicking and the clacking in the dark. Thank you guys. Thank you, especially for not sending emails in.

ahead of time, love it. Appreciate you guys. And we're done with our blinds. I think we're wrapping up the show here, Jackie. I turn the table to you. I don't know why I'm turning a table, but under the table and dreaming. I'm Dave Matthews banding it back to you. Oh, I'd rather you didn't, but I guess I'll accept.

Shock to light in my eyes. How come you ever open with the Dave D&B song, Jackie? I haven't heard of it. You know, I don't know. I don't, I don't know. A lot of them. There's a lot of them. There are, there are certainly a lot of them.

They're crashing into my brain. Thank you guys so much. Oh, yeah. Oh, we know about the little boys' stream. Thank you guys for joining us on this unhinged episode of page seven. My name is Jackie Zabowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can come hang out with me on Tuesdays and Wednesdays over on Twitch.

Twitch.TV forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. And also, don't forget, you release the butthole cut tour tickets. You got to go to Last Podcast Network.com and get yo buns them tickets. They're selling like hotcakes. Hell yeah, dude. Last Podcast Network.com for all the dates coming, might have some candidates for you not too long from now to. We'll see if it happens.

Last Podcast Network. Dot com for tickets. Also check up Patreon. com slash page 7 podcast, I believe is the address. Yes, page 7 podcast on Patreon. Check us out over there. We've got weekly bonus content, quite a lot of it, too. The leftovers with Jackie and I are we talking about all the articles we missed in the main feed. We've got Jackie's book readings. We've got ad-free main feed episodes, all at that $5 mark. And you get the pre-sale on any live shows as well. For $10, you can join us every Thursday for our Jersey Shore watch-alongs. It is such a fun crew. always a blast. We've been watching family reunion lately, and I hope it never ends. Patreon.com forward slash page 7th podcast. Payte 7 podcast at gmail.com. Please send in your blind items, conspiracy theories. All of those things I read and love. And last but not least,

Twitch.tv.tv.4. slash Holdenators ho. I stream Monday through Friday. And most especially, you got to come by for Jack and with the Holdies. That's the stream I do with Jackie every Friday at 6 p.m. ET. We do. do it for three to four hours, depending on how many videos we get in through the donos. Come see us. We love when fans of the podcast pop in, and you're always getting a warm welcome, and it's always a party. MJ! My name is MJ, and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram.

Time for the shout-out song. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're gonna read it to you. Come on. I just want to say thank you for your shoutouts. And you can send in your own shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com.

That's seven the number or seven written now. Page seven podcast at gmail.com. And you can send absolutely anything. You are just, you're just thinking of us. Just send it our way, whether it is just a note to say hi or maybe you saw. saw a hot dog weed pipe somewhere, which I also want to say thank you for sharing that with me. You're also welcome to send in your hot dog facts if you've got those like the amazing Alexis did. Alexis shared with me because I had absolutely no idea.

I wanted to share that here in the Puritan and old state of Rhode Island, we call our hot dogs gaggers. So what did you? I hope you guys enjoyed your gaggers over the weekend. because I certainly had quite a few gaggers or two. Don't tell my husband. Oh my God, it was his gagger the whole time. But anyway, you can send in whatever you'd like. Thank you, Alexis, so much for sharing. And anything that you're thinking over to page 7 podcasts at gmail.com.

But we've got a birthday shout-out coming up here first, folks. And yes, Kai, you got it in just in time. Kai says, in true ADHD fashion, I totally forgot to send in my own birthday shout out for this week. And yes, I saw it. MJ made sure that I got it in my can. Thank you so much, Kai. Happy 28th birthday on June 1st.

It's coming up so soon. But also the day that this comes out. So happy birthday today, Kai. My name is Kai, and I've been a page 7 listener for about two years. I was one of the probably many people who found page 7 via last podcast during an episode of side stories where they broke the Tom Cruise fish fucker story and sent me to you. I've honestly never been more grateful for a podcast wreck. Your collective brand of humor is exactly what I need to laugh my ass off while headed to shoots as a portrait and wedding photographer.

As a non-binary person, MJ's highly specific tangents on anything and everything are an absolute vibe. While I like to think that Jackie Salary's commentary is like if my inner monologue and intrusive thoughts made a love child. Holden will be happy to know that while I had spent 27 of these 28 years without embracing the love of T. Swift, but now my husband Cal has brought me to the dark side. I have unironically fallen madly in love with pretty much everything Taylor Swift has put out. I am a gala. No questions asked. Thank you for always filling my ear holes with hot goss, items that impair my vision, and I cannot wait to hopefully catch a live show when we move back to California from the hell, that is Florida. You will. You will survive Florida. I promise you, Kai. Thank you so much for writing in. And happy birthday. Now we're moving on to actually, you know, we've got three people here that are all dealing with different stages of grief right now. So I understand if you're not in the place to hear this right now, it's completely understandable. I just want to let you guys know.

But it is interesting to me that all three of you wrote in during the same week. And I feel like you're meant to know each other in some fashion. First up, we are talking to I Am Shlee from our Twitch channel. I love you, babe. Ashley. Ashley says, I absolutely love the podcast. And I finally decided to write in for a self-shout because the stream with you and MJ made me feel like a million bucks and I deserve it.

Yes, you do. Anyways, I turned 23 on Saturday, April 29th. Holden T. T. Swift shout out, but you don't have to say anything. Jackie, I get it. So I am saying it, but I don't understand it. But I appreciate your April 29th shout out. And I know that Holden did as well. And honestly, this feels like a huge milestone for me. I lost my second mom, Carolyn, two years ago from cancer, plus COVID. Fuck the U.S. healthcare system. And since then, it was an effort to make it out of bed, let alone go to class or be with people. It was truly the roughest, most heart- aching two years of my life since she passed. because she was the kindest woman you would ever meet. And without her love, it felt like my world was collapsing in on itself. Everyone who met her loved her.

And we even joked she was the mayor of our town because any room you were standing in, she was sure to know someone. I even still listened to her voicemails on my phone because she carried joy in her voice that radiates even through the toughest times. FYI never delete voicemails. I completely agree with you, Ashley.

I'm completely there with you. Her death hit me so hard, so I started listening to page seven because I figured, hey, maybe this will be fun. And I couldn't be more thankful for making that decision. But despite losing her and losing her support, I made it to 23. I know she was watching down on me as I graduated college, moved to a new city, and am finally feeling a little bit settled. This wouldn't feel as amazing as it does if it weren't for the other shoutouts, sharing their stories and hardships. because I truly can look forward to so much. 23 really is not supposed to be the best year of anyone's life, it seems.

I cannot thank these shoutouts enough over the years for being such a source of personal resolution. I know it sounds weird, but hearing how people have had a shit time but made it through has been seriously inspirational, and I'm so grateful for this community. Anyways, happy birthday to me, and congratulations to myself for being able to smile,

get out of bed and do the damn thing every day. Yes, hell yes, Ashley. Thank you so much for sharing. And also I did want to include your PPS. I call her my second mom because she was my nanny from the second I was born. She started when my older sister was born, but she truly was family. I know that sometimes people don't really understand caregivers and their roles. So I say she was my mom, which is more truthful than any other label. So much love goes out to you, Ashley. And I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm so proud of you for getting up every day and getting through it. Hell yeah, Ashley. And now also, oh, Jen, I just want to say thank you so much for your update. I know that you say that we didn't ask for it, but I'm glad that you did it. And you are too sweet. And, dude, I'm down with any crystals that you think speak to me through you. I trust you. Jen says, today it has been one year since my husband Drake passed away in a car accident. I can't believe I made it to this day alive. This past year, I've had so many bittersweet moments.

I miss my husband so, so, so much, but I feel less guilty for my victories now. I took control of my mental health, finally. I am medicated in doing much better. I was able to buy a house and a new car with the aid of my husband's life insurance policy. I finally landed a job that I love with awesome coworkers, and I'm crushing it. I also started a witchy side business that gives me an outlet to be creative. Everything I do now is to honor his memory, and that makes me proud. I know that he's proud of me too. Can't wait to meet you in Atlanta, Jen, and so much, I send you so much love. And please share with us your witchy side business

if you have an Etsy because I would love to support it in the shout-out. So hit me up, Jen, and so, so, so much love to you. And speaking of making lemonade out of some lemons, oh, Amy, you are amazing. And Amy says, first off, I wrote to you a year ago asking for a shout-out for my brother Eli who had passed of cancer. Truth be told, this past year has been a tough one. dealing with the grief of losing Eli really hit hard.

Then almost exactly a year later, my sister Tammy passed away from cancer as well. I thought, oh shit, here we go again. Another year stuck in depression and sadness. But this time it was different. I found a drive or a calling, as some might say. After experiencing so much personal loss in a year, I decided I needed to help others going through it and be there for them and their loved ones. I started looking into what it takes to become a funeral director.

I will be 39 in July, and the idea of a new career at my age is scary, but I decided what the heck? I applied for at the only university in the state that offers the training needed. I was accepted. Again, fear hit me. It's been 20 years since I was in college. I have two kids and I work full time. Just as I was about to talk myself out of going, the drive hit me again.

So I said, screw it. Go for it. What do you have to lose? So now I am enrolled and start my first class, May 31st. Never did I think I would go back to college this late in life or have a complete career change, but here I am at almost 40 and enrolling as a college sophomore. But what do I have to lose? My brother died at 31 and my sister died at 59 and we don't know how much time we have. And if we want to do something, you might as well do it, right? So shout out to me for beginning this new adventure. I was also informed that for my birthday this year, I get to meet three of my favorite podcast hosts. My husband bought me VIP tickets for the Oklahoma City Show, and I can't wait.

So through all the heartache this last year, brought, I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Good things are finally happening for me again, and I'm starting to look forward to the future. Thank you, three, for helping me get through this last year, and I can't wait to see y'all in July. And oh my God, Amy! Yay! I can't wait to meet you. and congratulations for doing this for you. That's so difficult.

And hopefully you are currently inspiring other people to take life by the horns. So much love to you, Amy, and so much love to all of you guys that rode in today. And I really feel like there's a reason why you all rode in in one week. I can feel it right now.

I can feel the zizzle. Yes, I said it. I can feel the zizzle. I love you guys, and I hope you feel the zizzle too. I hope you have a beautiful week. And I will be back next week. M-M-M-M-Wing,

you can send in your shout-outs to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I love you guys. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.