Page 7 - Ep. 498: He's Dim and He's Mid

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

This week we're gossin' 'bout Yacht Rockin' sans Yacht, 'The Idol' heading off to an early grave, Zendaya's new ball smackin' movie, HILARIA continues to...do her thing, Gloria showin' off the goods in her new swimsuit, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; ARE THERE MULTIPLE CLONES OF EMINEM!? DA LISSST and DA BLINDZ! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com  Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, LPN fans, page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on tour. Yes, the Last Podcast Network presents the release of Butth Hothole Cut Tour could be coming to your town. Holden, where are we going? July 11th will be in Oklahoma City, July 12th, Kansas City, Missouri, and finishing out in July 13th, St. Louis. Be there. M.J., where can we get tickets? For tickets, go to LastPodcastnetwork.com. Say it again. That's Last Podcast Network.com.

A farmer in the day. No, that's not this song I'm starting with. I hope the gerio. It's not saying gerio. It's derio. What the hell's a gerio? What the hell's a gerio? Is that how you really want to start this episode?

Oh, don't worry, guys. Buckle up. We got another weird one today. We're all in weird place, but I did want to start with St. Elmo's Fire because I forgot that I was stoned the other day, and I must have added it onto my cue of songs that I was going to listen to,

and I got into the car morning and just, oh, oh, the dulcet tones. I can see a new horizon underneath the blaze and sky. I'll be where the Eagles flying higher and higher. What are you upset about this song? Well, I think the Eagles might enjoy a little Farmer. Unbelievable. Farber of the Dale.

That's what you interrupt me to do to bring in your gerio. It's yacht rock season, Holden. It is yacht rock season. that Orphos are coming for the yachts, but we can still enjoy our yacht rock safely on land, okay? Yes, we can. I get it. I apologize. Please listen to my yacht rock playlist.

I do have one over on Spotify. It is my baby. So please come and enjoy it alongside me because this is the high holy season for me. And I feel like you guys aren't giving me enough acclaim as hot dog ambassador because this is my time. When does it run out? Isn't it over at this point? Wasn't it just for like a year? No, they stop. They're never doing it again, which means I'm it forever.

Yes, I'm it forever. You are like, yes. Yeah, yeah. This is all right. Well, I'll be writing. I'll be writing in to this person and making sure they're aware of the fact. To the North American Meat Institute, NAMI. To make sure they're aware of the fact that someone is claiming to be. Wow. You have to do care of the hot dog and sausage council. So you're welcome to actually, if you would like to look up the bylaws, the North American Meat Institute, if you want to write your own letter to, you want to write your own letter to, go against Holden's letter, I would really

appreciate it because I... They are about to get inundated. Please, because I should be it forever. I won't ever write the letters and be like, why do all these crazy people? Furiously writing in to say this random person I've never met needs to continue to be this title that I don't even

wasn't even aware of. Oh, they are very aware. They just didn't have the time to keep the program running. Funding runs out, man. This is why we need more federal funds. I don't know how they're funding. Yes.

We probably need more. There probably needs to be a bill written about it to renew the funding for the Meat Council, you know. Yeah, and I'll just, I'm going to remake the, I'm just a bill. Oh, I'm just a bill. But I'm going to say I'm just a jack. And I'm going to try and re-change. I'm going to re-change the word bill to Jack instead. So many efforts.

So many efforts being made for this thing, this war that doesn't exist. Hot dog ambassador of the southwest region of the United States of America. Forever. Defuntheses, Defunct, parentheses, forever. Pertheses,

yeah, now forever, I guess, due to technicality. By the way, I want to pour one out for the idol, the show we've been

championing for the past two weeks. Perthes defunct. Of course, already canceled. Already. Thank you. Not only already canceled.

It was supposed to be six episodes and they're only putting out five and they're just not saying anything about it. What happened in this six

episode. They're not like, I think you just realize how embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. I got to finish it. I mean, I've only, I think I'm like two and a half episodes in. I mean, now I'm, and that means I'm halfway through the entire run. You're halfway done?

So I really got to get back in and just, just see. It is straight up painful to watch. I, I'm finally going to throw it down. I feel like I have to pretend to like think these people are okay. Looking at you, Harry and Megan. I've got to throw it down. I think that. Are you talking about Prince Harry and Megan Markle?

Yeah, because I don't like them anymore either with this Spotify thing. Are they involved with the I don't. But they're all these people I'm like ready to completely write off. And the weekend, man. You guys, I just want to say if you guys really missed a big Holden, finally, finally. We were waiting all these years. He is over Prince Harry and Megan Markle. He screamed about it on the leftovers last week, which is over on the page seven Patreon.

You're more than welcome to go and check it out for $5 and up patrons. because Holden is done with the second royals. You're done. I think that you could join the ranks of perhaps millions of people who are also kind of over it when it comes to the royal family and specifically them. Well, first of all, first of all, I just want to say the weekend is completely mid and I'm no longer going to pretend that I don't think that or that like his music's worth anything or his talent.

He's so mid. Why do we keep posting him up? He's the most mid. His performance of the Super Bowl was so mid. Mid, mid, mid. He's dim and he's mid. He's mid backwards. Wow.

I would be scared to tell him that. And that's, you're bringing us up in conjunction with Harry and Megan because they are also mid. Okay. They're the definition of mid. I mean, listen, I watched that Netflix documentary and I enjoyed it because everybody loves some like messy, you know, we're all messy bitches who live for drama. I like, I like push. I watch that for Princess Die.

And Princess Die, you're still my fucking, you're still my fucking number one dead person or whatever. You know what I mean? Wow. Jeez, your number one dead person. What? That makes you a little mid, Holden.

I think that is a pretty mid. Candles in the wind. Oh, my God. Give me a fucking beady baby. No, I just, I like her, though. She's not my number one dead person, of course. But I've, like, loved ones and stuff that beat her out, of course, and then, like, other celebrities that I like better than her.

I can't believe she's even your number one dead celebrity. No, no, she's not. But I just like her and she's dead, all right? That's why I like the documentary. I want to know more about her, his connection to her. That's the whole story is his connection to her. You know what I mean? That's essentially.

And then Megan Markle's whole story is like, I didn't know if they were racist. What are you talking about? And then they get out of it. And it was just the whole part. All of that I'm fine with, whatever, right? All of that, if they asked me for permission to do all that, I'd be like, fine, right? But it was the part where they got insane millions and upon millions dollars just to do some fucking podcasts. And I, you know what I mean?

It's some work, all right? I work hard in my life. But at the end of the day, it's pretty fucking cushy. You know what I mean? All they had to do is, like, just deliver, and they couldn't even do it. And they got millions and millions. Because nobody wanted to talk to them and nobody wanted to listen to them. And that's really the key to things you need if you're going to do a podcast.

Oh my God, wait a second. Do you have to have skills to do a podcast? I think that it is the kind of thing too. It's that thing too. We've talked about this before where it's like sometimes people are like, anybody can do a podcast. Just put a microphone in front of your face. Have you ever listened to someone that doesn't know how to do podcasts?

It's sometimes very difficult to listen to. Oh, absolutely. And kind of boring. You know, I still remember. My brother and I got, we did, we started podcasting in like 2010. We had not only performed together for years. We had specifically like, you know, performed into microphones together, like just us talking on stage for years. And the first time we sat down in front of microphones with a podcast, it was as if we had never spoken to each other for our entire life. It was so hard. It was like, it just felt so awkward. And it was a heavy, steep learning curve. And it sounds like, People weren't along for the journey of Harry and Megan's Lerner. No. On their very well-paid Spotify. It's crazy to me.

And the idea, like, we grind this out. I do two. I do one research base. We grind this out every fucking week. And they couldn't even deliver like 20. You know what I mean? It's because Taylor Swift wouldn't join them, hold him. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I will say, I feel like since reputation, T. Swift's not super out there in, like, podcast interview. I think she's kind of like figured out her relationship. with social. Yeah, so one of the articles sent out this week was the Taylor Swift turned down Megan Markle for an interview for her like interview series, which by the way, too, talk about making it even easier. So not only are you not going to like put the work in to just sit down and like do your own podcast, just booking like Mariah Carey to tell, yeah, if I could book Mariah Carey and fucking Ellen or whoever it is to talk to me for 30 minutes, I'm sure I'd also be like, just be like,

yeah, so you've done a million interesting things. Just talk to me about any one of those things while I sit back and collect millions of dollars. I just... But also what's funny is like, I feel like it's a misunderstanding of how people listen to podcasts to be like, well, if we just get like Serena Williams,

it'll be fine. But it's like, no one's really like going to their phone and being like, I want to listen to an interview with Serena Williams right now. You know, people are like, I want to like listen to like people who I like to, like, I like their chemistry or I like the, like, I like this podcast because I know I'll always learn something interesting about the 90s or whatever. And like, it's just to just have

a celebrity, that's just a talk show. That's just kind of like Oprah knockoff, which is not Oprah, you know, and I feel like that's kind of the misunderstanding of their premise. Nobody really needs that. There are trained professionals out there that are really good at giving interviews that get all of those people. Also, tennis is boring. And less than day is fucking two dudes. while playing it. Oh my God, unless it's a super sexy tennis thriller. I can't believe this. Did you guys watch the trailer for the new Zendaya movie?

Ito Zendaya Tambian. Whoa. Oh my God. It is called challengers, and I challenge you guys to sit and watch it because, you know what, again, I couldn't give my life to watch a ball of tennis. Going back and forth, there's love involved, but good for you. And I just, I don't care at all. But in this Challenger's movie,

Zendaya is in, like, is the puppet master of two very sexy men that want to have sex with her. But also, she's going to manipulate the situation in an erotic tennis thriller. And manipulate my genitals, dude. Oh, my God. It is an erotic tennis thriller. Wow. I spent half of the trailer wondering if, the two boys who were both trying to seduce her were brothers because they kind of look alike

and they were both, they're competing in a way that it seems like brothers could compete for the same girl. And then there's a scene where, and I hate to say, this is a topic we have touched on many times before on page seven where they both sit down with her and they both start kissing her. And just as we have discussed, we don't get that thing where some people like twin fantasies because they want both twins to be kissing on them. We hear all friends with our siblings. We don't like that fantasy. And in this trailer, in the sexy tennis film, I was like, are they, are these brothers about to have a threesome with Zendaya? But it turns out they're just tennis friends. Yeah, tennis friends with benefits. And sometimes you just wait for the summer

I turned pretty season two to come out because that is about two brothers that are competing over one girl. But they're not kissing brothers. They're competing over the girl. How do you seasons? Did they do the first season? Did she get pretty at the end? And now she's like just, oh, no, I'm just pretty. I'm not going to tell you what happens in the end. And because it's like, I really like, will she, won't she? Did she get a portrait? I definitely, this show, I don't think is for 35-year-olds. Okay, yeah.

But I watched it. I was just like, oh, my God, I love this. But it is based on a book that, again, I believe it's a Y-A book. And even just watching it, I was like, I'm too old just because these are all like, it's the lovers of being 16, you know? But so I, so part of me is like, oh, God, they're so, fucking young. But then the other part of me is like, oh my God, which brother would I choose? But that's how I feel about, we're like flying through the articles right now, but that's how

I feel about Olivia Rodriguez. You just nailed it. Like I'm like, this is not for me, but I love it. Well, Olivia Rodriguez works, I think, because that, like, you don't have, I mean, I think what Jackie's describing also works. You can enjoy a YA book without being like, I thirst for the teens, but to remember what it was like to thirst for fellow teens when you And I feel like I listen to Olivia Rodriguez and you just remember what it is like to be a teenager in love. And I think that that's fine. I think it's fine for adults to consume media where the protagonists are teenagers. Again, as long as it's not like, I feel like the idol is a situation where it's like it can quickly go to the creepy voyeuristic other side or whatever or just inappropriate.

I mean, we spent our entire lives in the landscape where it was like pretty normal to only thirst for teens. And so I'm pretty happy that we've come on the other end. And we're like, before we thirst for teens, just let's make sure that we're not actually thirsting for real teens. But I feel like Olivia Rodriguez just hit that. Like, you can be any age and listen to that album. And if you ever fell in love with somebody and had your heartbroken, it will speak to you.

I don't care how old you are. If it's a teen, no being. And that's some statement I'm willing to make. But I'll also say, I just, I just bleep that whole part out. I don't want that. Bring it another call on. Say, don't do it. No, we're bringing in it up.

We're bringing in somebody else. All right. You know what? I know what'll save this. I know what'll save this. Let's talk about Hilaria Baldwin. Yes. Let's talk about someone that is great at interviews.

Text I get this morning made me laugh out loud, like groggy in bed from M.J. What was it? I am so angry at this Hilaria Baldwin article. I am taking notes. I took notes. I was so. I've got notes. Yes.

Just so everyone understands what's going on here. There is this, I don't, I am not familiar with romper, but romper is a site. It's a parent site that does a lot of, you know, good parent content for sure. It's a, it's a subsidiary of bustle, I think, you know, so it's kind of that, like kind of women-led, women-fronted, you know, media realm. Which makes sense of why they had to have an in-depth conversation with Aladia Baldwin to find out, you know, like, what goes on in her day to day? Like how does she work? I don't know why they did this. It is a strange choice.

It is such a long article. And I just want to say thank you so much to our Twitch chat that told us about this article. I read the entire article. And then I sent it to both Holden and MJ. And I was like, you guys do not have to read this entire thing. And of course, immediately you both read the entire thing because you're absorbed in it. It's, oh, I'm so upset. I don't know why they did this.

And, like, I don't know the author and I'm not, you know, whatever. People media, online media is having a very hard time right now and they've been held hostage by all these, like, billionaire tycoons who, whatever. It's like a tough, it's tough out there. So I don't ever like to, like, shit on individual writers on the internet or even, like, sites in general. So I'm not, this is not an indictment of romper or the, but it's just like. Or the writers either.

Because, again, this is just a job. Whatever. You got to do what you got to do. You got to. Honestly, it's entertaining for us. But the tone of it is very, like, cute. And it's just like a puff piece. It's just a look up puff piece in the dictionary. And this is just like a, it's almost too generous to say it's a rehabilitation of Hilaria because she was never enough of a thing to need to be rehabilitated.

She was just a celebrity who then was, like, shown to have done several really embarrassing things. And then now she's a celebrity who's like famous for those embarrassing things. But this is just like literally one of the first, like in the first part of it, it's like, if you don't know who she is and it does a little overview, there is the whole cucumber thing. We're past that now is an actual quote. And she's been breastfeeding with a few months off here and there for 10 years straight. Give the lady a break. It's just like very internet cute.

And it's like, I'm sorry, why are we giving this lady a break? And yeah, she's not the president. It's not like she's like a super powerful person, but like she is like a famous rich person who just, the article never reckons with the whole pretended to be Spanish thing. It kind of like drops in little cute. She grew up in Boston visiting Spain regularly. She's bilingual.

Whatever. Like she doesn't be like she also, the reason everybody hates her is because she lied about being Spanish. She also changed her name from Hillary to, and she changed her name from Hillary to Hilaria. but still pretends like, no, no, no, no. This is all, I've always been like this, but, but she's from Boston and we're aware of this. It's just so weird.

Not that you can't be Spanish and from Boston, but you know what I mean. Right. She's not, is the thing. You could be anything. She's not that thing. This is the ultimate, like, uh, eye-roly fucking quote for parents. She's been breastfeeding with a few months off here and there for 10 years straight. Give the lady a break.

That's what MJ said before. I feel like that is the, it's like, why? You chose this. You chose this. Also, just because you've been breastfeited for 10 years doesn't mean that you can, like, be a little racist as a treat, you know? Like, no, I'm not going to give you a break. I'm sorry.

And the real kicker, like, yes, she pretended to be Spanish. And yes, I'm not interested in, like, letting that totally go, whatever. But even if we are. Make fun of her for the rest of her life. Yes, it's funny. Also, she named her youngest baby. I'm sorry. Oh, my God.

I love, I thought that we. Oh, my God. I'm so, I can't believe we. didn't know her youngest is Illaria without the age. And it makes him just like, all right, can't wait for Acky Jr. Acky, get over here. Who needs the J anymore? No, it's my sire.

Old Akey. Olden. Get that cane, put the cane down. Olden, Dick Elyle. Stop acting like you're old. Oh my God. And so even if you're like, if you're listening to this and you're like, you know what, I'm totally over the her pretending to be Spanish.

thing. I'm not ready to be annoyed about that anymore. Great. Let's let it go. You know what else is annoying? This. It's all about how she's so fun and she's so laid back as a parent and she really just never lets things get to her. You'd think she'd be so frazzled with seven kids or whatever, but she's not. Also, she has a lot of child care and she has usually two nannies on at any given time. At any given time. Oh, yeah. You're really laid back as a parent because you have at least two other people providing child care at any given time, meaning at any time you always have help. I'm so happy for you that you're such a fun mom. I'm sure it's fun to have that much help.

Well, also, I think of this is inevitable, and this is coming up from the Dugger documentary, but if you have seven kids, you also get extra child care because those older kids have to start raising these younger kids. They don't, didn't ask to do that, but they have to do that now. I'm sure they've got to do it all the time. They have to watch after the younger ones deal with shit with them all. constantly. So yeah, there's that element, too. That's why I feel like, I don't want to say having this many kids is child abuse, but it's a lot for a kid to deal with a lot of younger siblings.

I'm sure it's a very stressful situation. Not a fun environment to be. I mean, that's one thing, that's actually, for me, this is one thing that I don't, like, feel particularly judgy about for her, the fact that she had the seven kids, because for some inexplicable reason, I've always thought it would be really fun to have six or seven kids. And I weirdly do understand when she was like, I loved cheaper by the dozen. It was always just my dream of having a bunch of kids. MJ and I have talked about this before. We talked about multiple times of just like, I don't know.

There was some point in my early 20s. I was like, what if I had like 10 kids though? Oh, my God. And they all loved me. And I was just the hen of this brood. Like that was a thought that went through my brain. Yeah, you are like a brood hen. Aren't I a prudence?

Uh-huh. Next to the porch goose, there's the Brunahan. Don't bring Gloria into this, okay? Oh my God, I put Gloria's bathing suit on yesterday. I know, we put Gemsie's Hawaiian shirt on last week as well. Awesome. Wonderful. So, Gloria is no longer granting wishes for their lucky charms.

No, no, Gloria. No, I put on a chef's outfit for Gloria for the barbecues. So she's been grilling meats and then I put on her swimsuit today. The off months are very hard for a porch goose, okay? They have a big identity crisis for like April. They don't know who they are. Yeah, we should invent like a porch goose holiday for them so they can wear something. April and May.

Oh my God, I love that. Yeah. April May needs to be like porch goose, uh, porch goose fever. Like porch goose pride month, you know. Yeah, Portuguese pride. Oh, my. They get two months. I love this.

Humans get one month, but the geese get two. get two mons. Well, you have to have something for the Ganders as well. I get so excited because she gets so excited. Because I don't want to tell her what to be. You know what I mean? Like, I believe in gentle parenting. And I want her to be able to wear what she wants to wear.

And sometimes when she wants to wear a coat and it's warm outside and I'm like Gloria. I didn't really appreciate it, though, when you showed up to Winnie's Montessori class with Gloria. Yeah, I felt that was a strange move. Why, you think that she doesn't deserve to learn? Okay, but... Interesting, gatekeeping much? Very interesting. It was just on.

Everyone was physically uncomfortable. Oh, it's only for human children? That a Montessori child's Saturday class. I feel sad for you. You could get six more Portuguese, though, and then turn yourself into the Holadia. Oh, my God. But then I'll have to have two people on at all times, just because, like, I only have two breasts.

Like, where are they going to get the mill? All right, MJ sent us something here. What is this? Okay, so I think we should do a dramatic reading of the dialogue between Helaria and Alec in this romper piece because they do... Why did they include it? They include him grumpily trying to get out the door for some coffee. But he just had hip surgery because he's an old person and he's much older than her, which again, that's not even... I don't have any grievance about that with her and him.

so I shouldn't have even mentioned that. You know, forget it. I'm being petty right now because I'm mad about all the child care of she has. And you know what? It's, I, she can have as many kids as she want, what she wants. She just shouldn't pretend to be Spanish

and she shouldn't pretend to be a fun and easy parent. Like parenting seven kids is fun and easy if you don't have a lot of help. I also am blessed with help. I have family help. A lot of people don't have that. Am I fun and easy? No.

But some people might be. But I think that, I think that, obviously, Holden is Alec, and I think Jackie, you got to be Hilaria. Yeah, yeah, let's do this. Do you want to do the full reading or just the clip?

We should do the full reading. Do you have the, here, let me bring it up. It's in the main, it's in the big article. Oh, yeah, it's in the main email that, uh, that Jackie sent because this poor man is just trying to get out the door for some poppy. He used to go to the opera. All right, where is it in this article? All right, scroll down past the pictures of her and Eladia.

past the picture of her with all the kids, past the picture of just her being hot, and then there is a piece of, the names are in bold, it's a little play script down at the bottom. You're actually going outside. That's how it's... So this is,

Alec is trying to get outside in his walker after hip surgery. I'm not going to do the accent, but I want everyone to know that in my spirit I am making fun of her accent. You got to do it for the aye, aye, aye, yeah, at least. Sure. Yeah, that's the thing.

Because she is, again, you're not, it just needs to be clear. We are not, making fun of people who speak with an accent for real. We're making fun of people who speak with a pretend accent. Yes. Because she, being a bilingual person, does not give you an accent in English if you grew up speaking English. Unless you, again, Gillian Anderson can kind of do both English and British. So whatever. She can do what she wants, but she does speak in a very exaggerated Spanish accent. So wait a might be doing. Three to one action. Yeah, is Spanish?

I think you can do a light portrayal of it. You should do what you're comfortable with. If you're uncomfortable faking a Spanish accent, then you might be a little bit better than hilarious. I'm not going to do it. So you can do not the accent. But I am to be a bitch about it. You're actually going outside.

I don't think you should walk outside by yourself. They told me to walk. I'm fine. Right. But they also probably didn't mean by yourself after major surgery in the streets of New York. You should bring somebody with you. I don't want to.

I know you don't want to. Or you can wait an hour and I'll go with you. I'm not waiting an hour. Aye, aye. Good luck with it. Call me if you fall over, okay? You'll be the first word person. You're number one of my contact list.

I'm in the middle of the 10th Street. Come get me. That's her pretending to be him on the phone. And why did they need to include this interaction, this grumpy interaction between husband and wife. Especially because it's like their marriage is so fun. They still prioritize each other. And it's like, I don't know, he sounds pretty upset.

By the way, MJ, you felt just like this when you gave birth. I know Lexi did. Giving birth is like going down a water slide that's really scary. And then you get to the bottom and you're like, I want to do this again. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I did not feel that way. If she did, I'm happy for her.

She didn't like being pregnant. She loves giving birth. She loves giving birth. She loves giving birth. That, I am, it's like you getting horny when you do the dishes, Holden, I am happy for you. I wish that happened for me. When people say they love being pregnant or they love giving birth, I am happy for them. But what is, aside from that, we can let her have her feelings about how much she loves pushing a kid out.

But what is strange is that the reason she has seven kids is because she's not on birth control because she doesn't like it. Fair. A lot of, I know a lot of people who do not like the way hormonal birth control makes the feel. and they don't want to do an IUD or whatever. Fair. And Alec refuses to get a vasectomy. Yeah, that part. I'm sorry, you used to go to the opera.

Get a fucking vasectomy and you go to the opera again, Alec. Yeah, Alec. Yeah. Get a vasectomy. So insane, dude. It's weird that... She's not on birth control. She, like, I guess it was supposed to be a jape,

but she was talking about every time she gives birth that her OB writes down the number of the vasectomy doctor and, like, on a post it and gives it to her, just because like, we got to stop having kids. And that's just such a, it's get a vasectomy, Ale. Get a vasectomy, Alec, especially because you do seem actively miserable in your life. And maybe that's related to the tragic accident you've been involved with for the last two years. And maybe it's because you can't stop having kids.

It's just like, and she seems to like it and they seem to want it. But it is like, it's always, whenever I meet or see people who have that many kids in this day and age, I assume it's a choice, you know, whereas like in, like, my mom grew up in an Irish Catholic neighborhood, most of her friends had, you know, between three and eight kids in the family. And I just always assumed, like, that wasn't really a choice. It was just how things were back then. And it's, so now I'm like, oh, you have seven kids. That must be like a conscious choice you've made.

And I guess it is in the sense that they've made the conscious choice not to be on birth control. But that was a surprise. The seven kids are from him not getting a vasectomy. Like, just suck it up, dude. But some people at least try to pull out a little. little bit more, right? Yeah, work. Do something.

Try. Because you can totally blast it out still after the SNIP as well and all that good stuff. You know what you mean? Absolutely. It doesn't, I mean, it is like a mild procedure that you recover from fairly quickly. Like, there are some people where it takes a logarithm. It's not nothing. Like, but it's certainly.

Is it like when they tell you it's just going to be a pinch when you get your IUD put in? Is it one of those when they're like, it's just a little. little and then it's like absolutely horrific. I mean, I don't know, but I, I mean, I've observed vasectomy recovery. I've spoken about it with several friends. And it sounds like there's a range from like I was fine the next day to I felt kind of shitty for a couple of weeks. And not like shitty all the time, but like my ball's kind of hurt for a couple weeks. Like, I feel like that's kind of the range. Whereas like everyone I know who's gotten an IUD inserted is like it was one of the worst moments of my entire medical life ever.

I passed out from the pain. Wow. I was so, when I tried the first time, it was so painful and so bad that they just couldn't do it and they just had to do it again. And I felt very powerful because I was like, I just destroyed like a $1,200 piece of equipment with my body because I can't get used again. And so you just tried and it just didn't work. And now we got to do it again.

And thankfully, insurance paid for it. Do you think when God invented the vagina that he made a mistake? Well, I've got two, several issues with what you've said. But I'm not going to, I'm not going to. You can diagram that sentence. I'm sorry, did they make a mistake? I just, that sounds so brutal, y'all. I like it in my brain.

I had more issue with the God of what you said than what you said about a vagina. This is so awful. I just don't have anything like that. You know what I mean? We have to be like really unhealthy and like get a kidney stone to even attempt to feel anything y'all have felt. You know what I mean? Like that's so crazy.

I know but that's the problem. That's why like I feel like so many people I know like men getting to their like 40s and 50s and they've never had to figure out how to take care of their body before because they were just like, uh, because it's fine. Like power it on through. And then yeah, they get a kidney stone and they're like, what is this? you know, obviously that's not the experience for all men, but like definitely

it is, you know, a lot of people do not have to kind of confront the material reality of their bodies. Oh, yeah, I was so dumb to my dick for years, dude. I was just an idiot with it, a goofy clown with it. Yeah, just putting a bunch of apple sauce

on it going, look at my little pork chop. Yeah, my little pork chop. Totally. I just slap it against... Pork chops and apple sauce. I'd let it just like, you know, if it got dirty or whatever, you just kind of go, like, I guess I'll like wipe it up on Tuesday. Yeah, dust it off. Yeah, dust it off, a little dusting, yeah.

Got a swiffer it out in there. I was trying to shove a pencil into it or whatever. Like, you got, y'all have to get just to like not have some kids or whatever, you know. Yeah, shove a pencil up there. It's the lead that keeps the babies from happening. Anyway, I know that there's so many other things we need to talk about, but we have to throw in the fact that he does, she does say about him, am I his mom? Am I his mommy? I was just about to say, thank you.

I can't believe we haven't brought up the fact yet that, you know, it's not that even though, like, because again, I also have no issues with the differences of their age. But, like, that was essentially where the questioning was going of like, do you feel like, it's like, oh, is he like a daddy kind of thing? But also her question was that, am I his mommy? She giggles. Sometimes I'm his mommy. Sometimes. At the beginning of our relationship, everyone was. like she must have daddy issues because she's married to somebody older, but it's actually

the opposite. So the opposite is that Alec Baldwin has mommy issues. And now, so she, and she even makes jokes about like, I don't have seven kids. I've got eight. And like, oh my God. Is that, I just can't imagine including the partner as one of your kids. I mean, I don't have kids, but like, do you usually include your partner as one of the kids? The normalization of like, oh, your husband is your, as a child also is like, girl, you got to raise your standards, you know.

And I'm not saying that sometimes that you might find yourself baffled with your different experiences as parents with your partner. But if you, I just, even on a sexy level, like, I don't, why are you going to be like, that's my, that's my eighth child? No, don't do that. Yeah, yeah, it's so gross. No, it's scary enough for me to refer to myself as Holden's workwife. Yeah, sorry. That's even scary. Yeah, I always been, I tell.

Your work spouses, but, like, who haven't, you know, shared a bed in decades. No. And romper, isn't making fun of Hilaria Baldwin getting a little bit old? No, Rompur, it's not. I'm sorry. We will continue to do it, especially if she continues to put shit out there like this kind of article or her terrible podcast. or anything that shows that she just, like, married this talented person

and then is just, like, trying to pretend to be talented when she's not. I will always make fun of that. And the last big bombshell from this piece that we have to mention is that she hired a private investigator to find out the identities of the people who troll her on Reddit. Whoa! You can't even say troll because Reddit is just,

I mean, the people who hate her on Reddit, there's like a big, apparently big Hilaria presence on Reddit. And she, the line that Rompers says, it's just kind of a fun delivery of the Roper line in a twist. Hilaria knows many of her Reddit haters real identities. She hired a private investigator. That's so crazy. So weird.

And listen, I'm not, again, I understand you're a parent. You got kids. There's like paparazzi outside your house. So I do understand the kind of heightened paranoia around that. Yes, I understand that. And it's not okay that paparazzi are out there harassing her kids. course like that. Again, she's not the president. She doesn't need to be held to like constant journalistic account. So like that is totally fair. And of course it sucks to get, you know,

hated on Reddit. Totally. The idea that you, and maybe you'd be scared that people might hurt you or whatever, but like you're very rich. You probably never go anywhere without security anyway. And so why do you need a private investigator to find out the anonymous identities of people making fun of you on Reddit? Strange. They keep trying to dismiss stuff that really, matters. She hasn't done anything with that info and doesn't plan to. It's like, then, why did she get it then? Why did she do that?

Oh, she's just not going to retaliate at all with all of that info she got of the people that fucking shit on her the most online. She's just not going to do any kind of even just like shady kind of back so it's just a threat just so that she can be like, I know who you are. I highly doubt that. I bet you anything.

She has absolutely used that information in some kind of way to retaliate because she's rich and powerful. and therefore she could do a lot of weird things to people's lives if she has all this information. I call bullshit. I would love, because we all know, it's like so obvious that she's like, it's not even secretly, but that she's just like evil, right? So I would love because she's trying so hard to present, she's like doing such an Ellen thing.

You know what I mean? She's trying so hard to present this like very specific, perfect, like lifestyle look thing. And so it's like even more clear with her like what happens behind closed doors when like Alec came back after the interviewer left from getting that coffee. You embarrass me. Never won again. Why did you bring attention to my hip with the journalist was here?

You're gonna get a ride on the dick cracker and she holds up like a ruler or something that she like smacks his dick with. No, do you remember when Holden? Holden. Alec looked like he was being held hostage when he had to do the like, get her a million followers. She won't let me see.

sleep until I get her to a million followers. She keeps me up. She does this old ancient type of torture where she drops a little bit of water on my forehead to keep me awake. I'm losing my mind. People please. It's, it is so, and like, yeah, you're right, Holden. The whole piece is just kind of like dismissing these things that are like, that, like,

one of the things she gets criticized about is, like, how much she shows her kid on Instagram. Again, that is a personal choice. Whatever, you can, but it's like a. fair thing for people to be like, maybe we shouldn't, maybe you shouldn't show everything about your kids' lives on Instagram. And the piece is just like Reddit trolls say she's harming her children by showing them on Instagram. It's just so dismissive. It's like, well, that's something that you could actually engage with as a fair, like, you can say, should these celebrities show everything

about their kids' lives on Instagram, there's a question about it. But to be like, oh, people, don't feed the trolls. It's a fair question, you know? But I will say, I also didn't know about these subreddit. So I got to get on the R. Hilaria Ball. Subreddit. I'm glad to advertise that subreddit as well on the show. Are Hilaria Baldwin? I mean, be careful. Don't maybe get too mouthy on there.

She will track you down. I was going to say she's going to send her PI. She's going to find you a hold it. But you could go lurk on there. I want her to find me. Actually, you know what? I don't because something weird will happen. Like I'll get evicted or, you know what I mean?

It'll be some weird thing will happen. And it'll find out that this Hilaria Baldwin was so, because you, God, what has she done? What has she done to people's lives? I know she's done something. Hilaria, I'm so fucking on to you, dude. You better get, get wrecked, Laria, all right? This is a Hilaria Baldwin podcast. Yeah, this just became that.

It's so crazy. It's better than her fucking podcast, I'll tell you that much. It's just so crazy just, like, the dismissiveness of, she's right, she's not hurting anyone. Her kids are happy. People have different ways of living, and she and Alec have chosen their own path. For her to, I just, how you say, man, how you say,

How you say, I don't like it. Oh, is that Super Mario? Yeah, this is great. I don't like it. Everybody's got to get on here. They are just ruthlessly shitting on this article. This is awesome. On Reddit.

Yeah, on Hilaria Baldwin subreddit. It's just, it's hard when she just opens herself up to the, like, it really is one or the other that you just, like, you either stand the queen of just like you bow down. And like, again, anyone that. that has children, I already give a respect of like, you did something that I don't think I can do and like, you know, job less. But like, I don't understand. Like, I'm not going to like go online and I'm not going to be the redditor that like attacks her online because like she's still a human being. And I do understand where that part of the article is coming from. But then she does these articles when you talk and it's like, do you not realize how out of touch you sound?

Exactly. There's just so, like, there's so many celebrities. I know that we make jokes a lot about, like, celebrities, they're just like us. And you just, you see, like, this article about Catherine Schwarzenegger begging Arnold Schwarzenegger, her father, to take her to school in a minivan. And not the Hummer, because she was mortified as a child being taken to school in a Hummer. She just would do anything of just begging, I wish it could just be a minivan. And, like, that doesn't make me.

me feel bad for? Yeah, yeah, not at all. Did you guys have weirdness with that? I have, like, memories of, like, well, especially when my brother had to take me to school. It was, like, kind of got awkward because he was, like, older, and I remember he'd, like, drop me off at a different part of the school and then go parking.

Was he embarrassed or were you embarrassed? I felt like it was cool. I was going to say, I felt really cool when my brother got to take me to school. But then the opposite, yeah, I feel like parents taking me to school. I think I had a specific drop-off spot that was purposely, like, slightly a jaw. from, away from, like, where everybody else is getting dropped off because of... Yeah. Shame that I have a father.

Yeah. Yes. That's understandable. I just, I mean, I really struggle with the posting on Instagram thing because, you know, even as a regular person, it's like I am, I want to, you know, show off my kids sometimes and also I want them to have a right to privacy. And so to be a famous person who kind of built, who, again, she doesn't really do anything. So like what she does is like be a mom, which is fine. Being a mom is something. Taking

care of seven kids, even with two bannies all the time, is something. It's a lot. So it's not that she doesn't do anything. But in terms of her public image, she's not an actor. She has this podcast or whatever. But like, so her thing is, I'm a mom online. That's my job. So she kind of has to post her children. And that's where I feel like it gets tricky because like, yeah, they're all really little now and you can kind of write it off like, well, they're really little. And I'm not violating their privacy. I'm just posting them doing like little kid stuff. But at some point, those kids are going to be like, are going to have thoughts about this, you know, and it just is, I'm not ready to say one way or the other, you should never do this. You should never, but, you know,

use your kids for content because, you know, it's, everything is online now. And they're just so damn cute. And I understand wanting to share. Right. Totally. But, but to, to make your, her thing is like, look at me. I'm a mom. I'm a public figure, I'm a wife, I'm just being a mom online. And then when people are like, oh, well, you're a mom online, some people kind of think that, you know, maybe you should be more careful about posting your kids online than to just be like, leave me alone, trolls, leave me alone. You know, it's just like, come on. Like, you got to engage with some, if you're going to be a parent online, then engage with some of the more meaningful part of being a parent and showing your kids online, you know? I don't know.

It just seems like she is trying to be like, you can't be mean to me. a mom of seven. And it's like, no, you can still be judged for the choices you make, even if you're a parent. And you can still be judged for the choices you make even as a public figure. It's not that people should be mean to you all the time. People should be nicer online. But also, you are purposefully trying to make yourself a public figure, which invites some criticism, you know, it sucks, but it happens.

Well, yeah, if you fake being Spanish. Especially if you fake. You're reading a culture. No one has, like, dedicated subredits to hating them. like, you know, generally. I mean, Reddit's a fucking cesspool for that shit, though. I was just talking about this the other day with, you know, there's just no, like, you should, like, we should never go on the last podcast sub-right.

Yes. Like, that's just, that's just torturing yourself. You know what I mean? It's anonymous. Is the difference with the Reddit and other stuff, it's just much more anonymous, which is why it's so funny that she got private investigators to find out who's talking shit about her because it's like the whole point is that you don't. And that's kind of like the release of it, too.

You know, you can't even put a face to the writing. You can't do anything, right? But that also pushes them to be way more awful as well, you know? So the fact that she went and found out who these fuckers were, what do you do with that information? I mean, I just don't understand. Yeah, but what do you do? Honestly, I'm just sitting here thinking about when you were talking about, like, did you ever have, like, embarrassing drop-offs at school?

But, like, it wasn't the pickup so much. It was that, like, I remember the walk from the middle school over to my mom's car and people would throw food at me from the school buses as the school bus as the school bus is. go by. My God. But I knew every single one of those people that did it. And they would throw food at me every

single day. Boomer pants come out. Yeah, for sure. We used to fuck with each other to our faces, kids. And it was a lot better that way. No, because then you just get, and then you're like, don't cry. Don't cry. And then you get into the car and you have to like wait until you get past.

Was Linda just like, the throwing a lot today? Yeah. My mom was always like, champion. at the bit because she wanted to be like, she wanted to get in there and like fight for me. And I would beg every day. Like, please don't do anything. Please don't do anything because I just need to. They'll stop someday.

Someday they'll stop. And they stopped someday when I left middle school, man. They stopped. Wait, was this your bully years too though? Or was that? This is my villain origin story. Yeah, villain origin. I was going to say, it sounds like your origin story.

This is why. It really is. Like one day I snapped and it just, it's my villain origin story. That's me. Oh, my God. It was the food from the school buses. We got to do that in the style of like an MCU movie. Oh, I thought you were just saying, we got to do that.

I'm going to start throwing food at you all the time. From a school bus. I just park a school bus in front of the studio and wait for you to get there and just fucking hire a bunch of kids to like throw food at you. That'd be amazing. All right, it's time for the celebrity conspiracy. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it?

Look, people, I've said a lot of things this episode, and I just want you to just fucking and forget them. Oh, you being a real, Alaria. I'm being a real Alaria. I'm sorry, and not the eight-month-old. No. That's E-Laria. E-Laria.

Hey, I-Laria! Can you imagine how hard she punches that accent when she calls that girl? Ill-A-Li-A! Come downstairs for dinner. Michael come downstairs, El-A-A! All right, here we go.

I'm sure she's very nice. I'm sorry, Hilaria for being so mean. Go come after Holden, don't find all of his identity. Oh, no. Are there multiple clones of him and M? The candies? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha. I'm pretty upset. It's pretty bummed out. I'm not even upset. I'm sad. I feel like I'm grieving right now. You know what I mean? I'm like going through the, like, I'm going through the seven stages.

Was it a clone that walked to? his daughter down the aisle. Wow. This one comes in from Travis who writes, like so many celebrities, M has been cloned and replost. His music, like other notable rappers of that in previous eras,

led to his untimely and unnatural death, one of which I can only speculate. Rest in peace, M. Only there was a problem in the cloning process. The clone was actually a pair of twins. Enter Jonah Hill. What? Well, neither would...

Look, go ahead and look up Thin'Hill and look up Eminem then and now. So you could see how he was... Like, Newly Finn? And then, Jonah Hill's also... Eminem. While neither would be the true Slim Shady by being...

Google faster, damn it. Good Lord, I'm seeing some slow typing. I don't know if he looks like him. He looks... Nothing like him. Well, neither would be the true. You didn't see the right photo then, obviously. What am I Googling about Eminem?

Before and after. Yeah, just then and that young and old. He looks definitely older, that's for sure. Yeah. In his old age. While neither would be the true slip shady by being rapidly aged to his correct form, one of them came out very pudgy.

That one was essentially bullied into comedy like so many others becoming a young Jonah Hill. There you go. Origin stories again. Oh, villain origin stories. The other, a more exact clone of him, went on to become the artist we know. Today, we can look at his backlog of music

and note that at some point, the style became almost a parody of itself as the last of M's backlog hat was used up and ghost writers came in. Every time I hear the word backlog, I think about a shit hanging out of an ass. Yeah, man, every single time. Yeah, I'm always thinking about it.

It's sucking it back up into the ass. Yeah, that is exactly what I was thinking of. I feel like I'm going to go back on this episode, and I'd be like, oh, I guess Holden was off that week. It's just like cuts past everything I say. I like to think that there's like a librarian out there listening to this who just heard you say that. It's like, oh, fuck.

Like, now they're going to think about that every time. I literally always think about like a weird, awkward. Anyways. Where are we at? Backlog. All right. Travis then post a picture of current M compared to... Travis, post...

Oh, Travis, the guy who wrote him posted a picture. This is not what they wrote. Of current M compared to past M&M. And then a picture of Thin'Jon. Hill and writes, wow, same eyes and everything. Imagine Jonah 20 years ago at this weight. And what do you have? Post a picture of 20s era Eminem. Boom. And if that isn't enough for you, let's dig a bit deeper, shall we? Eminem's great-great-grandfather is Samuel Lydell McGregor Mathers, the man who founded the Order of the Golden Dawn and mentored Alistair Crowley. Is it extremely possible that the

current Slim and Jonah Hill are not only clones, but actually homunculi, created to serve a specific purpose. Homecule. Perhaps a long-awaited, long-planned purpose which somehow unfolds in incredibly powerful magics. Maybe. I'll tell you one thing for sure. When someone asks the real some shady to please stand up,

don't trust anybody who makes the claim. Love you dearly. Travis at Red Temple Radio. Shout out to Red Temple Radio. Hell yeah. I didn't know this fucking Alster Crowley connection. That's pretty crazy. Yeah, that is pretty crazy. Could you help

me understand that? I haven't verified any of this. I don't know. He was involved in, you know, some, the devil's play, essentially. Yeah, he liked to play with the... He danced at the devil in the silver or whatever, in this man in the moon or whatever, you know? That is not what the song is about.

I just explained some here. Okay, after we got back from tour, I've been just doing non-stop crazy, just grinding out a lot of solo parenting to give Lexi a big break because then she left last night to go to Florida with Winnie. So I got a bunch of IPAs and drank like a fucking sale.

I spoke to joint in bed. You know, Holden's never late. Holden shows up half an hour late. This is what it would be. This is exactly how it would go if it was pre-baby me doing these recordings with you guys. Like, I would always be showing up covered in sweat 15 to 20 minutes late. Sorry, guys. And all of it would be so unhinged.

So many dumb things I've said today. I want to take them all back. All of them, M.J. I just, I am literally sitting here looking at pictures of young versus old M&M and he looks the exact same. I couldn't think of a man who looks more the same now. And he did when he was younger. No, he's Joda Hill.

It's obvious. Oh, very obvious. Look up young Jonah Hill. He's a humongue. He's a monkey. All right, what do you guys think? How true do you guys think it's this? I'd say pretty true.

Yeah. I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna have to go a Naino on this one. Yeah. What do you think Nenau? I think I gotta go Nena as well just because, again, I cannot get over how much he looks the same. Exactly. I'm literally looking at a picture.

Google. Eminem, young, versus old. There's a picture of him in 1996 next to one of him from 2018. It looks like the same day. MJ, I don't mean to blow your fucking mind right now, but you know what? Also looks the same? A clone.

Case, clones, the defense, rest. The defense rest. The fucking court. So you, yes. The court crow has spoken. I'm so long over and just so tired. I didn't see how much you're sweating until just now you pointed out. You are sweating a lot.

It's fucking, isn't it hot here though? I'm not sweating. I'm perfectly dry I think I'm hot in here Oh my god Oh I just covered in it Just sweat Did you forget your blood pressure medication?

I think I did forget the blood pressure Man that's how you know immediately Huh? If you forgot then you just covered in sweat again I think I gotta up it though I'm sweating a bunch again I feel like the summer's here I hate it man

Fuck you summer go to bed You both are summer It's really something that comes between us. Yeah. I love a water park, though. Yeah. So, you know, that's where Jackie and I are fucking rifted and you and I are fucking connected. We're rifted.

But if you hate summer, then why do you love a water park? Because the water cools. The water provides cooling water. And so then you like just sitting around in a bathing suit all day? Yeah, I just don't like getting into your car and it's all hot. You know what I mean? I don't like any of that. Or being in the studio, I mean, it's like the bowels of hell in here right now.

Sweat my brain. Especially if you drink 15 IPAs because your wife and baby are out of town. Out of town. Smoke that joint in bed, son watching a street fighter tournament, dude.

Shout out to CEO 2023 fucking Minna R.D. What's off? Give a street fighter competitive street fighter shoutouts. Man, I saw that they canceled your like your festival that you love that you always wanted to go to

that you're always talking about that. Wait, did Evo get canceled? Yeah. I don't know if it got canceled this year, but I think it's like, canceled forever. I saw some article on it and I was like, oh, poor Holden.

Hope he got to go. Did you ever get to go? Is it can't? No, it's not fucking canceled. You bet canceled after. No. Oh, wait, no, that was in 2020, though. I think it's back.

I think it's, whatever, dude. I'll look into it or whatever. Look into it. I just saw the headline. I did literally no research. I was just like, oh. That was E3 that got indefinitely cancel. Well, whatever, anyways, we'll figure it out.

Isn't it all the same? Oh, I've got salt. my eyes from Oh my God, it's time for the list. Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

We have a network-wide meeting later, and I'm going to be extra interesting in it. It's going to be great because you were about to lose your brains at these celebrity duos and one trio who used to be roommates. Judd Apatow and Adam Sandler. What? Before they were famous, Adam and Judd shared an apartment in the valley in Los Angeles. Judd told Anderson Cooper that even after Adam moved to New York, he continued to pay rent because he was afraid he'd get fired and have to go back to L.A.

Judd explained he just left like he was going to come back, but he just didn't come back. Now, this is something that really like, I feel like these are multiple worlds that I love coming together, and this is why I chose this list, and this is not for either. Neither Holden nor MJ, and that is the fact that Lauren Graham and Connie Britton used to live together. That's for me. I love Connie Britton. I love Connie Britton. Well, you both love Connie Britton, but the Lauren Graham, that's more from the parenthood and Gilmore Girls, right?

Yes. So that is the fact that they used to live together really lights me up. Like the ultimate CV moms used to live together. That's kind of amazing. Right? Isn't that fun? I want to throw a little bit in. I want to throw a little extra one in. I just did a Wes Anderson episode.

Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson were college roommates. Oh, that's fun. That's how they started working together on Bottle Rocket and then, you know, Owen Wilson co-wrote royal Tannenbaum and Rushmore. Oh, that's nice. I love it. Oh, I love that.

Also, we did get to go see Asteroid City this weekend. And it was, I'm really happy that I went to go see it. I really enjoyed it. I really need to see it. I'm going to tear in the movie theater this week. I'm so excited.

I guess it's not a spoiler for literally anything that happens in the movie. It's just a moment, but I needed to tell you, MJ, that I needed to tell you, you're right? Do you sneeze again? Do you need to sneeze again? No, I don't need to sneeze again, but you're putting weird pressure.

I mean, it's like, I was waiting for you to sneeze again in the classroom right now with pissing my pants or a bone or something. Well, you're always, you always have the dribbles. No matter what you always dribble. I don't know what to do. What do I go to a doctor, doctor, give me the news. I got a bad case of dribbling blues. Trippling blues. There you go.

That helped him. MJ, Jason Schwartzman and Ed Norton kiss in Asteroid City. And it is just like a moment. And in my brain, I was just like, I have to tell MJ, my brain is on fire. That's awesome. Man, I would watch that. Because I know that we both had a thing for, like, I'm way more, I know we're both way more Ed Norton jambos over here. But like, don't get me wrong.

Throw a Jason Schwartzman in the mix. And yes, please, I'll take it. Yes, I'll watch it. California, remember that song? Yeah, we come. Yes. I love that sign. What about the fact that Stanley Tucci and Ving Rames used to live together?

In fact, Stanley Tucci is the one that gave Ving, whose real name is Irving Ramsey's, his iconic nickname. Do you think he made him, like, fancy cocktails and stuff? I hope they did. Maybe they traveled Italy together. I still think about that video where he made the really nice cocktail for his wife, like during... Yeah, Stanley Tucci's hot as shit. During the pandemic, because that's like so... That's like my ideal vibe.

That chill, classy, like, making it. I mean, it's one of my vibes. Have you watched his, like, Italy show? Like, it's actually pretty great because he's just so, he's just, he's just, like, fancy. Classy. He's not annoying with it. Like, it's cool. It's classy.

It makes you want to be there not, like, feel like, oh, these stuffy fucking turns. Totally. I want to fucking send them down the aisle, you know what I mean? No, it's not like a Alaria situation. It's more like, oh, I want to be with him on his yacht. I want to hang out with him. to listen to fucking some like cold train and fucking talk bullshit, you talk shit about the other people that be like,

look at that idiot on that bit. Yes, but I'm definitely not cool enough to hang out with Stanley Tucci. There's no way he would ever want to hang out with me. Maybe Oliver Platt though. Yeah, I feel like he'd have to beat me in or fuck me into his hang or whatever. You know what I mean? But would you want to hang out with Al Gore and Tommy Lee Jones, who are also on this list?

Horrible. Yes, right? God, that's all. Awful. They roomed together back when they were freshmen at Harvard University. Now, this one, I feel like this is the kind of a three-way hangout that, I don't know why specifically it makes me think that Henry would puke all over this, and it's because Eddie Redmayne is involved. And that is Andrew Garfield, Eddie Redmayne, and Jamie Dornan used to live together when they were trying to break into the biz. Jamie Dorn is the guy from the fall, right?

Maybe. And Henry hates Eddie Redmay? Henry Hayes. Yeah, he's the fall. Yes. He's hot as... And the 50 Shades guy. That's why I was like...

I was like, I was like, he was from something else that's bigger than the pool. Yes. Yes. Yes, hotty hot. I would watch that tape of all three of them. I don't feel anything for Eddie Redmond, but I would watch... I feel nothing for Eddie Redmond. God, Al Gore and Timothy Jones had just sober and stern those conversations.

It's just like, we gotta get to the bottom of this environment. Is you going on? You know what I mean? It's like, all, my, yeah, what's your process? What's your process? They're frowning. Even in the photo of them together, they're frowning. Yeah, tell me they just.

Like, the real secret is acting isn't fun. You know what? You get to act. You know what I mean? Well, and the opposite of that, I didn't know that David Bowie and Iggy Pop used to live together. They were boys. I've definitely seen them in a lot of pictures together. Yeah.

So I totally, I totally, I get that for sure. But I love the fact that, like, oh, my God, that must have been. a fun inside. I wonder if they even remember that time period. If they could, you know, like, just like, I don't know what happened. We definitely had fun. Yeah, yeah.

Remember we put lipstick on that mule. Fucked it. Who knows, man. When you're in the throes of it, like maybe that donkey's talking to you. I feel like a caged animal right now. All right, you're released from the list. This is a really good list, Jackie.

Good list. It's a great list. I would revisit. I love that. There's a lot more on here. You know what's great about this list is like for every single one of the entries, I immediately have this like, I pop into an imagination of like what that was like for those people. You know, and like I immediately see them in a very specific apartment in my mind.

Totally. You know, and it's always like a shitty apartment because they were just kids, you know? Totally. Except for Al Gore and fucking, they're just in a moving milk truck for some reason. They're just like, that's where they live. Are they covered in the milk? Yeah, it just keeps spilling out. They're like, we gotta figure something out here.

This is not a waiting for a man to live. We're gonna get curdled. All right, I think I'm, I can't see anymore. I think I'm going blind. Items. Oh, we can't see them. I'm gonna save the best one for last, so we're gonna skip that one. Producers have already been reaching out to the lawyers of the murdering brothers.

They smell a release and want to start securing the right so they can be ready for the day they are freed. The Menendez brothers? Yes. Really? I only put this in because remember the Menendez brothers? I guess they're getting out soon. And what are they doing? They're just saying that like there's already producers like at the chomping at the bit for when

they get out to make the next, you know, I'm sure it's like Netflix and who. Yeah, they're going to like host a true crime show because that's what true crime shows are like that. Yeah, that's what we do now. Oh my God. We just take fucking morons with no talent. We just give them millions of dollars to like make a bad thing. I just love what's happening right now.

there's just no concept of like maybe someone else should do it you know what I mean I'm just talking about megan and Harry but anyways yeah yeah yeah I just cannot it's just so funny if how do executives not understand that there's a difference between like talent you know what I mean and like maybe don't give just because they're they're the hot story of the moment I I they only have one story same with the menendez brothers but I'm sure they'll be fucking hosting a drag race next year or something I don't know what they're gonna do. The rehabilitation of the Mendez brothers will be interesting. It's, I mean, they have a life sentence

without the possibility of parole, but I guess there was some new evidence, so they're trying to get a new hearing. Oh, is that what's going on? Yeah. So what a weird.

Oh, yeah, no, the evidence is dark, so I'm not gonna get into that, but involves minuto, which is weird. Um, but still, uh,

yeah, apparently they're like maybe getting a chance to get out or something, which is, but it was just remember, the only reason why I included this was because, like, remember how big of a story that was at a point in our lives? I know.

It was like, it was like O.J. It was like, but also how much, even though it was just like OJ, even though it was a murder and it was like really dark, like, late night punch lines and skit, you know, sketches and everyone's like pretending to be, you know, of course you've got the cable guy scene. I think they were Asian, you know what I mean, or whatever. And like, I just, I don't know, it was a little nostalgia. Man, I haven't thought about the cable guy in a really long time. Well, the boys would quote it all the time on last podcast, so that's what kept it in my brain. Oh, man.

Yeah, Henry used to quote that bit a little bit. Kind of like how I do now. Hi, Tay and the win, Jackie. Oh, do you make that quote from now? Maybe, but here's another fucking blind item. Ooh. Because this is certain. This A-list actor slash director blames being wasted on Coke for the time he hooked up with the north of the border syndicated actress.

Does he blame it for all the other times he hooked up with her? the guy we love to talk about, he's so fun. The girl, she's hot. I used to, well, I don't want to get into the things I used to do towards her at an age. Yes, at a young age. I feel like people are probably pretty upset with me anyways right now, so I don't want to, you know, get into detail on that. North of the border syndicated.

She was in my Mount Rushmore of like when I first, you know, when you first start smacking away at it. You know what I mean? Emma Stone? No, no, Mount Rushmore of like middle school. Oh, okay. whatever it is when you start jerking off, right? Okay.

All right. So it's a guy we love to talk about. Guess my mount. Actually, this is fun. Guess my Mount Rushmore. Throw some Mount Rushmore. Well, I know, Samahe. Anderson. Yes.

The answer to this one's Pam Anderson. It is Pam Anderson. Okay, great. Somaheek a little bit. That's a little played up for the bit for the live show. Which you can get your tickets to at last podcast network. com. Release the butt hole cut tour.

You can hear all about Holdens. Pink, bank, at the live show. Uh, Pam Anderson, Jannie McCarthy, Carmen Electra. I don't even know what I'd say. The fourth, Daisy Fuentes, maybe. Ooh, okay. Anyways, uh, yeah, and the guy is such a lovable lug that has, uh, Tika Waititi.

No, addiction issues. No, he's older. He's in a funny marriage now with another celebrity that we love to joke about all the time. He's sad a lot. He has resting sad face. Oh, Ben Affleck? Yeah.

Oh, I thought they said that he was, I guess, in my head I don't see him as director first. Oh, he does. Director. Actors slash director. Oh, yeah. The town is, I love the town. I like the town. Yeah, I just, I never see it. Like, when I think Ben Affleck, I think he's an actor, not a, you know what I mean? I feel like he does more directing and producing now than he, than acting though. And he does. Yeah, more Phoenix tattoo. Argo. Don't you remember?

Yeah. Argo. You don't remember. Jackie. Chak? Didn't you see Argo in the theater? Didn't you soberly watch Argo? I loved Argo. Didn't you get a cup of coffee and go to the 10 a.m. show of Argo? Oh, yeah. No, Argo is in the dead time.

If you ever listen to the page seven rewinds when I talk about my dead years, 2012 was certainly a dead year for me. No memory story. Well, maybe this will be... No memory story. Maybe this would be an alive blind item for you. I just preface loving this one.

The multi-talented actress likes to brag about her southern cooking skills. She often hosts luncheon for her close-knit group of celebrity girlfriends, and they rave about her famous ham salad. What her guest don't know is her secret ingredient is? You ready for it? Baby food! She combines jars of gerber, pureed ham with cube pieces of deli ham and some relish, and her unsuspected guests gobble it up. That's the reason she refuses to share her secret family recipe with anyone.

How do we know? Oh, one of our sources is connected to someone on her staff. We can't help but wonder what her fancy A-list friends would think if they found out they've been feasting on baby food. Baby food is food, to be fair, but it's still food. It's fine. It's not like dogs food. Right. But pure-hand, I thought it was going to be like she uses the puretate sweet potatoes or whatever, which is totally fine.

It's just like an applesau situation. But pureine ham is pretty bad. nasty. Yeah. Who is this bitch using? Ham's salad. I mean, that, right. Is it Tay?

Fuck you. I'm just saying Southern Heritage. She hangs out with her girls. She's from Pennsylvania. She was born on a Christmas tree farm in Reading, Pennsylvania, Jackie. Haven't you been to the live show?

Yeah, but I thought her whole thing is like, I love Nashville. Yeah, then they moved to Nashville so she could have a country music plan. She's also like, doesn't she like give money towards Nashville of like, she's like, that's my hometown. Sure, but. She doesn't say, That's my hometown.

In fact, when she performed in Philly, she said, well, I guess this has to be my hometown show because she wasn't playing in Redding. Because who fucking goes to Redding? I heard it's fucking, they got the biggest fucking, you know? Whoa. Whoa. Oh, my God.

All right. Who's making a ham salad? All right. Dolly Parton. I feel like she has a sudden, fuck. Why? Okay, let's name all the best people in the world. Well, I'm trying to think of something.

Is someone that this would be like, a scandalous thing. She's an actress. How about we start there? She's an actress. She's been on movies, TV. She's blonde. She...

Is she young or old? She's older. She's on shows we love. And shows we... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Her last name has a utensil in it. Forks.

Maybe, but not. Spoons. Maybe. Fork bottom. Spoons top. Oh my God. The worst kind of ends. We're just thinking about utensils now.

Now we're only the name. Okay. Witherspoon, Reese Witherspoon. Oh my God, Jackie. I cannot believe you got it. And I can't believe Holden called her old. Wow. I know.

Yeah, she's totally not. She's getting up. She's like older. Wow. She's not young. She's no spring chicken. She's no portuguese. You know what I mean?

Well, she's no Gloria. Yeah, and she's no brood hen. You know what I mean? She's somewhere in between. She's like that Britney Spears movie Crossroads. But instead of being a girl or a woman, she's like a going from woman to old woman. Not longer a woman.

Not yet an old woman. Yeah. She's probably what? She might have been, you know, menopause is kind of in the, conversation probably a little bit. Yeah. I think you're still a woman after that. It could be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are interesting Holden's thoughts on women. This is the thing that's going to really make people turn out the episode. This is the thing. Before you write in, just remember, like, remember that day you were really hung over and you said something a little off color to like the mailman or something? That's me right now. So don't write in. It's totally fine. I'm not even the guy

talking right now. I'm on a different level right now. You're different. I'm different. I'm not like the other podcast host. And you just let, give me a pass. Okay, give me one pass. Today's your only path. Are you really want to use your pass today? Give the lady a break. Because you don't get another one.

Give the lady. She's been breastfeeding for 10 years. If we're going to stop shitting on Holaria, you guys got to stop sending emails in about my behavior. You know what I mean? He's been drunk for days. Give the man a break. Give the man a break.

Come on, guys. I've been in an ebriation state for multiple days in a row. You give me, you know what I mean? It's hard out here being a holden. Oh, no. Ryan Seacrest is named the new Wheel of Fortune host. Well, you know what? Actually, I was like, of course.

I'm fine. I could sleep either way. I could sleep. Jeopardy was such a different thing. Jeopardy was like a big deal. You know, Pat Sejack and Wheel of Fortune. By the way, he's like evil too, whatever he has, like horrible politics. I could sleep.

Who gives a shit? You could sleep. I just wonder how much longer Vanna's going to do it, man. She's got to be clicking and clacking. No, she's trying to re-up her contract. Damn. Why?

Just retire. I know why I'm following this story so closely? Seriously. This is so weird. I just keep seeing things about it, and I don't include it in the articles because I'm like, Boro-Snoro. Like, I'm asleep.

Will of fortunes, whatever. But anyways, all right, guys, we should, you know what I mean? It's Reese with us. Remember when I mean? Reese Witherspoon got pulled over and she just She was hammered and she was like, don't you know why I am?

I don't know why I always And I really enjoy Reese Witherswood and I think that that's actually like a funny Like oh man you imagine her the next day when she was like What did I do? Oh my God. Literally me in this state right now just sweating bullets and your air conditioned home Just losing your mind. Just what did I do?

Put as much baby food ham in your salad as you want Rees Witherspoon. Just be safe on the road. just be safe on the road and thank you guys be safe on the road if you're listening out there on the road right now

sorry I'm being a little bit of a delight do it I like this and you know you're thinking about someone you love hell they might be thinking right back at you

do it thank you guys for listening at page 7 my name is Jackie Zabrowski you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm you can come hang out with me on Twitch.tv

oh no it's Jackie and do not forget stop what you're doing right now because we are coming to you, St. Louis, Oklahoma City, Kansas City. We are coming to you in just a couple of weeks time. Go to Last Podcast Network.com to get your tickets for the release, the butthole cut tour. I feel like you're saying in a way that's like, leave the town before we get there. Because we're coming and you don't know what we're bringing. Get your family out of Oklahoma City before two weeks from now.

Give us your dogs. I need hot dogs, though. So tell me about your hot dog recommendations. Or your BBQ recommendations. Yes, Kansas City especially. I want some Kansas City barbecue. I've watched enough food network shows about the different cities and their barbecues. I want to live it. Don't write into page 7 podcast at gmail.com. It's stupid and useless to do that.

Unless you have a celebrity conspiracy. Then you should definitely write in. And I love those. Thank you so much for doing that. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast as well. You get ad-free episodes. You get weekly bonus episodes all for $5 a month. Join us for our Jersey Shore.

Watch along on Discord for just, 10 bucks a month every Thursday at APMET. And Twitch. dot TV forward slash Holtenators. Ho, that's Twitch.tv. F.m.8ters. Ho, we've got motherfucking daily, Monday through Friday streams.

So check me out on there. My name is MJ and I am MJKL Kat on Instagram. Actually, there are none shoutouts. It is just nicknames. Cool. So we don't have to sing this song. All right, and have a good one, everybody. And remember, school is for losers.

Never forget. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.