Page 7 - Ep. 501: Horny in the City

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

This week we're gossin' 'bout Jackie getting to see the new Barbie movie and Holden is a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World who is NOT excited to see 3 hours of ole Oppy goofing around in the desert, did Page 7 combine their powers and manifest Scott Stapp taking to the seas with the 'Summer of '99' Creed Cruise!?!? and 311 has their own separate cruise for some reason!?!? (WHICH IS APPARENTLY CANCELED UGH), MJ is LOVIN' The Bear, Doja Cat's dating an ALLEGED racist sex offender and can't stand her fans, Jason Aldean is definitely not a small-town boy BUT HOLDEN IIIIIIS!, Ice T takes to X to decry the accusations that Jamie Foxx has been replaced by a CLONE, Holden calls Ariana Grande the SPIDER SHE IIIIIS, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner; Is Miley Cyrus in a CULT!??! A totally shitty list, blinds and da shooooooooooouts!!!!!!!!!!!! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com  Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's time for more. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present, release the butthole cut tour coming to you in September and October. Where are we heading in September, Jackie? We're going on September 12th. We're going to Nashville. We're going on September 13th to Atlanta, Georgia. And then I're going back to my hometown, September 14th of Tampa, Florida. In October, October 3rd, we're going to be in Detroit, Michigan, October 4th. We're going to be in Columbus. And October 5th, we're going to be in Pittsburgh. Nights. And Wizard of the Bruiser Brzeet. Release the Butthole Cut tour. You can find tickets at last podcast network.

Dot com, baby. Oh, this one goes out to all you barbieistas out there. I want to push you around. Well, I will. Well, I will. I'll be Barbie girl. My dog will. Well, I will.

I want to take you for Granny. It is not the song. You thought maybe I would sing the Barbie song. You thought maybe there's many other songs that I could sing. But of all of the songs, that's what was in my head as I left the movie theater last night. Welcome to Page 7. You know, I never say Welcome to Page 7. Hey, welcome to Page 7, everybody.

It's your host, Jackie. I'm a guy that does it, and MJ's here too. Yeah, welcome to Page 7. Jackie, why are we talking about that song? What a promo. What a promo. Yeah, can we use that as a guy? a commercial because wow, I was I was like, oh my God, if you didn't listen to this show before,

you have to now. Yeah, I love the idea of people have been listening for years not knowing what show they were listening to or who we were because we used it. I think you had a time where you introduced ourselves and then the music kind of took over. Yeah, well, branding self, not being good at promoting yourself is in. Yeah, so that's why I, that's why I'm an influencer, you know. Don't promote yourself. Anti-promotion.

There you go. With the advent of X for butt sacks, we are now unable to. X.com. X.com, which they can't even really figure out how to make work because it's trademarked by Microsoft. And then also, I think even Zuckerberg has some trademarks on X. So all they were able to do was change the bird only on the website into an X, but it's still completely a bluebird and everything else on the app.

Already screaming about Twitter, you've got to get off. I've been off of it for years well it's great over here there's so much light and happiness but it's such a clown show I know but watch it you can't watch it from afar I'm about to watch it from Jafar but it's watching from Jafar because I want you to be evil

take off your clothes no I've got Iago it's in the big it's in the movie or whatever but anyways take off your clothes yeah yeah in Aladdin right yeah I remember there's all that's one of those when wait, Jackie,

you don't know that's like the classic horny Disney thing besides the presponer and Little Mermaid is the part

the three things there's the presponer and little mermaid there's to take off your clothes in Aladdin and there's the

when when somebody dies and it says sex and Lion King yes yes yeah how did you you've really never heard

this at one point in the balcony scene who whispers it they whispered take off your clothes Jackie you have to give me

more than If you're so excited about this, give me all the facts. Okay, so take off your... Can you help back me up, MJ? Yes, I agree with you. This was... Weren't you ever in, like, in someone's basement? And someone's like, guys, let me blow your mind.

There's all this secret sex stuff in Disney movies. And you're like, no, there's not. And they're like, yes, there is. Who has a VHS of Aladdin? And then you fast forward to the balcony scene, and you rewind it over and over, listening to the vague sound of somebody saying, Take off wire clothes.

It is there. It is there. It's one of those like old school VHS. Is it Jafar saying it though? I can't remember. No, it's who says. I'm trying to look up who says it. Because I need to know if I should be made horned by this.

Wasn't it just like the bird or whatever says it or whatever? Who is. Who makes you horniest in Aladdin? I mean, obviously Jafar. Yeah, of course. You know, but that, I think that again harkens back to Lord Liquorish. Okay, here we go. This quip occurs during...

I'll bring up Lord Liquorice to my dying day. He said again, referencing a conversation we may have had four years ago on the show. Right, right, right. You want to fuck the Candy Land, people. Time freezes during page seven recording. So this quip occurs... Just Princess Rusty and Lord Liquorish. This quip occurs during a scene in which Aladdin and the guise of Prince Ali

flies up to Jasmine's balcony on his magic carpet to convince her that he is not just another self-absorbed, empty-headed prince. When Aladdin steps on the balcony, Jasmine's tiger, Raja threatens him and backs him up against the railing. As Roger growls, Aladdin tries to shoe him away with his turban and then purportedly whispers, good teenagers take off your clothes. Yes, I forgot about the good teenagers part. Good teenagers.

That's a very important part, guys. I won't get into the part where this got debunked by Snopes. So we'll just keep it moving. I think it's real. Yeah, keep it moving. All right. Who can trust those people? No, no. What are they doing the actual research, hell? No. I'd rather take your 12-year-old word for it.

There you go. Thank you. But don't take my word for it. Take a look. It's in a book. Sorry, I just got reading rainbowed when you said, don't take my word for it. Technically, I think MJ and I just got reading rainbow. Yeah, a little bit. Remember that show? Hey, gum shoes. Remember that show? Did this Did page 7 just become Remember that show? Remember that one time? Remember gummy bears? Remember how they bounce here and then that way?

Remember that show? Yeah. Where in the world is coming set? Remember that show? Just because there is a strike And there's no entertainment being made right now. You know, there are exactly two things we can talk about. Yes.

And it is Barbie and Oppenheimer. Yes. Yes. And none of us got to see Oppenheimer. Well, that's also because we got tickets too late. I have to wait until next week because I have a partner, which I understand. We're going to go see it in a 70 millimeter. But it was in L.A.

You couldn't find a 70 millimeter theater that had any, like tickets that weren't in the front row between now and a week and a half from now. Wow. Which is insane. That's wild. I'm loving it. The frenzy, the Barbenheimer frenzy. We love a collective experience And most of our collective experiences lately

have just been trauma. And so this is like a collective romp And I'm enjoying the collective romp that everyone is going. Jackie, I want to hear about your Barbie going experience. I loved it. And I definitely went in just being like, oh my God, I might love this movie.

And then I totally did. Yeah. And, you know, I know that this is the last thing that I should probably say about this movie, especially with what it is about. but Ryan Gosling stole that movie. Leave it to a good man, am I right? I mean, that's the problem.

This is the whole thing. It's that's my problem. It's a good thing. There's a man around to carry the film. I feel that. I feel so bad. Margo Robbie is unbelievable as Barbie. She really fucking is.

She is like, she does an unbelievable job. So does everybody in the movie. Like, everyone brought their A game. And it's so cool that like while they're making this movie, they know we are making a cool, fun, weird. Yeah. And this is, like, I feel like everyone showed up and brought their A game and was just like, we're going to do this the way it's supposed to be done, which is so cool to see.

I'm excited. I'm going on Wednesday, and I'm really, really, and I have no plans to go to Oppenheimer. Someone DM'd me ask what side of the, what side of the street do I lay on, and I lay on the Barbie side. And I've got my pink shirt ready to go. I'm so excited to see. But shout out of all you guys doing the costume change double feature. That is the real good work there.

That's a lot of movie. And that's a lot of just forethought. They're coming in in like Oppenheimer themed, very plain, very like time, like period piece style outfits. And then they're switching into this pink. It's a fun movie. It is a fun movie going experience too. Because everyone's like clapping in the audience. Like yeah.

You could feel everyone. Like it was such a cool experience. That's great. And honestly, I saw this headline or whatever's tweet or whatever it was. X or whatever it was. But man, that letter's really fucking my life up right between Max and now it's just, what is it with X? This is the year of the X. Year of X.

So dumb. Did you see on X? Everyone was talking about this Max show. This Max show about Max. Called the Ox. But what was I even saying? Something about Barbie. You were talking about how the, you saw a tweet.

about... Oh, saying this is probably the last big, like, movie event like this for a really long time because of the strikes and everything. So really soak this in. I mean, this is probably going to be... I wonder if it's the marks the beginning of the end of movie

theater culture, like, because it's like... Don't say that. I love the movies. I know. And there, but everything's bombing except for... Heartbreak feels good in a place like that. I know. I agree. It feels good in a place like that. Everything feels good in a place like that. You know what I mean?

mean, somehow, some way. But anyways. Also, I love to, this happens every once in a while in L.A. theaters, but, you know, with the Nicole Kidman thing and, like, usually get a, woo. Right. Or everybody says it along. And or every, but last night, yes, everybody was, like, saying it along with it, which

was a lot of fun. It was just fun. And, but also not fun because there was also, like, I cried at one point. I heard it's very gut-wrenching. There's a lot of stuff about. You know, so I did a Barbie episode. I'm very excited to put out for Wizard and we had Marie on Jake's lovely lady who had a lot of great insights that totally connected to the movie in terms of her relationship with her mother. Right.

And the sort of weird expectations that get set up by a mother getting a bunch of Barbie dolls for their kid and being like, look, I want you to have like this strong, feminine life where you like go out and get like this, live this life. style and you have this great house and you have these great jobs and but it puts like this weird pressure on too and there's just a very barbie creates a really interesting conversation and i'm just so happy this movie is like addressing seemingly all of that shit based on what i've heard all of it it's great yeah which is the coolest part that like that's why you know the people that come out and talk about how it's the wokest movie i mean i just can't i can't even begin like all right i was pitching about this before we started, but I'll just reiterate that the story of Barbie is

the story of conversations around feminism. If you have any knowledge of the history of this doll in culture, then you would know that this isn't them just like attaching quote-unquote. I'm so sick of this fucking words. I'm not even going to say the W word to this movie. No, the property has

always been steeped in that. It's totally ridiculous. But my favorite part was when Arnold Schwarzenegger comes out and he just, after that giant explosion, he just goes, I'm the open high. And then it explodes into three hours of more mood. And there's all these skinless people or whatever. And everyone's just like, and then they fucking rock out.

They do a whole rock concert now. Oh, man. Too dark. I'm glad to hear that. Too dark. I'm glad to hear that Ryan Gosling stole the show because my favorite thing has been to watch him kind of devolve into what seems to be a kind of method acting that has taken over his entire personality.

And he's just kind of become Ken, you know, all. the interviews he's given are like incoherent. So everyone keeps joking that it's like he's the guy who was playing Elvis and then couldn't stop being Elvis. He's got full kid. Never go full kid. God, I'd love to lean into that.

Oh, it'd be so great to just be useless except for some arm candy. God, what, you know what? That'd be a fun one just to experience for like a day or two. What's it like to just be pure arm candy? You know what I mean? Sure, yeah.

It's got to be kind of nice. There's not a lot of responsibility. You just got to hang on that arm. You know what I mean? Until it's not enough, Holden. Until it's not enough quickly. I only said a couple days. I think I'd get really antsy after two days.

But, you know, let's chill on that yacht. You know what I'm saying? Well, no, if we're getting on a yacht, we're getting on a cruise. And yes, we're talking about the summer of 99 Creed Cruise. Did we will it into existence? Yes. I'm not quite sure. I think the answer is yes, because only you, Jackie, could manifest literally on last week's episode.

Yeah. We were talking about the types of. cruises that we would go on. And you said that like a kid rock cruise, but that wasn't kid rock. Yes. And I feel like that's about as close as we can say, we can

be to manifesting a creed. We're talking about three doors down. We're talking about buck cherry tonic, vertical horizon. That's the name I haven't heard in a hundred years. The verve pipe. I saw the verve pipe and in my head I just went for the laugh of me. I cannot remember.

but that's what they did. They just think that we were wise. And that is like Holden. So I picked up Holden on her way into the studio this morning. And Olden did say, which you are very right. It is the opposite of Cruz music. Yes. It's very un-cruz.

Because even Kid Rock has like a party vibe, bro. All of these songs are about like just sad people, you know, thinking they're hoping Jesus might talk to them. Chwala, come on. This is also, I think we manifested this by our enthusiast. Even though Matchbox 20 isn't on the cruise, the fact that the three of us enthusiastically

sang 3 a.m. together on our last tour leg and then spent the rest of the week talking about how 3 a.m. and Matchbox 20 in general is actually like pretty good. No, dude, that's why it was a weird, like, really integral part of the Barbie movie. Really? Yes. What?

Yes. Wait, 3 a.m? No, not 3 a.m. But push. The other song, the song I opened with it. Oh, push, push, push, push. Yeah, it goes the trolley. Yep, right in the bush.

Right in the bush. That's the song I sang up top, right, Holden? That's part of Greta Gerwig's feminist vision. Push, push, push, push. To the tune of Hot Dog, Hot Dog for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, by the way. Push, push, push right in the bush. Man, you've had that hot dog song stuck in your head for a while. Well, when you hear it every day, it's either that

fucking, I mean, we've got a whole slew of them now. There's the bubblegum song and there's the brush of teeth. Yeah. But in my head, I'm just going, push, push, push, push right at the bunch. You got to give it that. You could probably sing that to her, I don't think so. I think that's like crazy, you know. Then your wife hears and then she leaves you, but that would be, man, what is interesting

a co-host we would have. But I will say, hey, yeah, but you must be lonely. Yeah. Sing that one. Yeah, man. Bring in the Matchbox 20. There's a matchbox 20 as on happening right now. I think I'm here for it.

I think we're here for it in the sense that we literally made it happen. Conjured it, yeah, a little bit. I can't believe this cruise. It is going from April 18th to the 24th of next year to parting from Miami to NASA, Bahamas. And I am not going to buy tickets. Oh, my God. Go. But who would you bring?

I am going to look and see no one. I think I'd have to go alone. I think I'd actually. No, there's no way he would go on this cruise with me. I think that, like, I think that I think he would, but I think it would severely, like, it could severely damage to the relationship. He'd get into a fight with somebody at least once. At least once.

He'd get into a really bad fight with at least one person. You know, people would be daring him to jump off. Like, it'd just be a whole thing. No, don't bring up the cruise video again. I'm sorry. It's in the, it's. It's in my brain. Your head is in a dark place today, Holden.

I'm just not sure what demographic. We talked a lot about the demographics of the Hallmark Cruise, how it's going to be a bunch of really sad, single women who are very, you know, culturally conservative. Oh my God, the ultimate Hallmark movie. The Hallmark cruise ship crashes into the Greek cruise. Oh, my God, they're five of them!

Yep. I love this idea. I love this idea. I love it. I love it. I love it. Once we can make movies again, make that movie. Yeah.

And the band Creed discovers, rediscovers the magic of Christmas, and all the Hallmark people realize that, like, cut yourself a little dirty. Yeah, yeah. Like, get a little dirty. We can get a little dirty. You know, cut yourself play then.

No, they're not on the, if, oh my God, if Papa Roach was on there, I would be on, there would be no question. Is the 311 cruise still happening? is that's a cruise. I also, even though I have zero interest in the band 311, that's a cruise I really wanted to go on as well. There was a separate 311 cruise from the Creed Cruise.

It is. You are stretching your demographics there. There's still happening. The people who might buy the Creed tickets are still broke from paying for the 311. I don't know. It will never be good enough. Okay, Arrested Development,

love and special sauce. G. Love and Special Sauce. Oh, G. Love and Special Sauce. Less than Jake. This might be more your... What? I almost did a spit take just now. water in my mouth I had to stop from spitting at my computer. Les the Jake is on the Creed Cruise? No, on the 311 cruise. I miss it.

Tropodelics on your belly who? You don't have to keep reading names of bands. Bumpin' uglies, wow. The only bands that at all matter are arrested in all that G-11 specials lost less than Jake. Nothing else I even recognize. Wow, but bumping uglies, come on. Wow.

Guys, I think if I were going to choose, I would personally choose the Creed Cruz. So you guys are both 311? I'm team 311. So you're the tie, you're the tiebreaker. Yeah. 311. Sorry, page 7 is going on the 311 cruise because we can't split up. We can't put Jackie on the Creed Cruz

by herself. Talk, again, talk about demographics. I think it's got to just be a bunch of men ages 35 to 50 who are angry. You know, I don't know what they're angry about, but I think that they're going to be angry. I feel like there's a lot of, honestly, you know what I do? I go with

I bring any of my single friends and be like, this is where you're going to find a husband. It might be just like one husband flash in the pan, but I bet there's going to be a chapel on board. I think that's where we go and we find them some partners. I love it. Hallmark movie in the making, man. Wow.

It's absolutely beautiful. Imagine the smelly sex on these boats. There's also a whole titanic element to this concept. Don't put me. They fall in love, they get married, and then the biggest they boat crashed, the other boat, so it's slowly sinking the whole time, so there's real stakes here.

I want it to be really, really slow, though, so nobody gets hurt. It's more of an inconvenience. Yeah, it's going to be Barry Lyndon meets a Hallmark movie, meets Titanic. It's going to be slow and dreadful, but beautiful and sad.

And then Creed is still played, just like how the quartet still played while the ship was going down. Creed is just like, Can you take me home? He would definitely say with arms wide open because in his brain it would be like a, you know, a

god welcoming him once he goes into the icy water and not just an endless nothing. But you need something to take you higher. I'm in a dark place today. I'm in a dark place. Endless nothing. People are trying to go to work right now, Jackie.

Christ. Good Lord. Let's pick him up with something. I just know why? I've picked everyone is up as high as they can because they're thinking of the summer of 99 crews. They were taken higher. Yes. They were all getting to be on.

Can you take me higher, Jackie? The answer is yes. I need to be taken higher. The answer is yes. I guess we can. I mean, is it higher to talk about doja cat or is that taking them along the same plane? It's a really interesting discussion that I feel like all discussions lately like have a root of interesting debate. But the buck stops it.

It's all in the name of her protection. her new boyfriend who is extremely troublesome in terms of his past. Troublesome is a good way to describe it. For troublesome, it's... Right. I was like, I want a new word. I want a new word that doesn't signal.

That rough scallion, like, oh, oh, we know what that means. I want a new word that has no basis in like any, anyone can be like, oh, he's signaling with that way. You know what I mean? Troublesome is great. Yeah, troublesome is just that you're just signaling that you are an older man. Yeah, I'm signaling I'm older. I don't use the cool kid slang.

I'm not out on the blacktop. I'm not on the monkey bars. I'm not saying the stuff that the kids say. Man, it would be pretty funny to watch you. Me, try to navigate a monkey bars. I would love to navigate a monkey bars. You're just like hanging there going like, oh. Right, right.

I was pretty okay at the playground equipment. Daddy boobies. Daddy boobies. Oh, now we have to explain that. Oh, my God. MJ. What happened? MJ has a new nickname, everybody.

I'm changing Winnie and Lexi's there and we're like, we're changing Winnie and we just got back from the pool. So I'm getting her into her like dry and out of her wet clothing suit. And I have my shirt off and Lexi's there and she points at my chest. Not Lexi, Winnie. Winnie, well, I'm not changing. I'm changing Winnie, but Lexi's there. And Winnie points at my chest and just starts going, Daddy, booby, daddy, booby. And then Lexi literally doubles over.

She cannot breathe. And then she points a little lower and she goes, Daddy tummy, Daddy tummy. And Lexi's now howling like a wolf at the moon. She cannot handle how funny this is. I'm sitting there. I'm going, okay. Okay, okay. And so there you go.

So now we've got a new nickname for me. It's Daddy Booby. What do you prefer, Smoky Joe or Daddy Boobie? I think the question is, what do you prefer? Yeah. I don't know. At least Daddy Boobie. has actually actually when he came up with a smarter, more creative nickname than those boys did.

His junior year of high school. Smarter, more creative, but also probably equally as cutting, you know, depending on how you... Right. Oh, more cutting, I'd say at this point, because why do I care that I ran to lunch anymore? But I do care that I, you know, my cholesterol's hot. You know what I mean? It's definitely more biting and cutting. It's definitely, it's a mortality issue at this point. I apologize. We were talking about Doja Cat. I just couldn't not.

Doge Cat. It sparked in my brain. Let's go down all sorts of avenues. So with Doja Cat, the buck stops that, no matter what we're about to say after this, the buck does kind of just stop at the fact that it seems like this is all in the name of her protecting her new boyfriend who has a profound history of being a gross, dude. All right. I understand.

Heard chef. I think I had to say all allegedly, all this kind of stuff. There was definitely some essays. I'm loving the bear though. I'm loving the bear. I'm loving the bear. Oh my God, are you absolutely loving the bear.

Okay, sorry. Absolutely in love with the bear. Me too, by the way. Hey, I'm on the train too. Yeah, we only have a couple episodes left in the first season. I'm loving it. Yeah, we finish season one. Now we're taking a break to do what we do in the shadows and a little bit of the new too hot to handle.

I'm also watching that. How's the new too hot? Is it worth my time? I feel like I might be over too hot. Yeah, because I'm really steeped in 90 day right now. I'm having like, I'm back in all my 90 days. You know, Too Hots thing is just kind of coming. I think that when it was during the midst of lockdown,

there was something about the absolutely astonishing Christianity of Too Hot Tandle that was like really fun. And now it's just like, why are you doing this to people? You're torturing them in this name of this weird purity thing. So I am enjoying it because it's the same. If you've seen one, you've seen them all. You see what you've seen them all a little bit. But I'm glad you're having fun with that.

Regardless, doge- Keep it going. Doge-Gat. We're talking about a good man. Bad, bad man who she is dated. Well, yeah, so apparently this guy is really, really bad news, like deeply bad news. And everyone's, like, calling out that and being like, what the fuck, bro, this dude's bad news. So at the end of the day, that's just, like, not really defensible.

But the part where she is kind of just like, I don't have to say I love you to you guys, I don't know you guys. Like, I didn't ask for this kind of level of fandom. And I think. Essentially, overall, what she's doing. doing right now is she, but it's not a new thing. Now. Is that she is pushing away her fan base and is being very distant with them, but also being very aggressive toward them.

Hostile, I would even say. Hostile is a good word. I think she definitely does not like super fan. She doesn't like stands. I think that's just very clear. Right. And I think that's an interesting take to have is what I'll say. You know what I mean? Like, I think I think the norm now is to be like, Treat your stands like gold. Do anything to make them happy. Do not rock the boat. It is scary to rock that boat.

And Doja Cat's doing the opposite. She's like, fuck all y'all. Like, I don't give a fuck. And especially, and I think this is like shitty. But also part of me is like, wow, that takes some fucking balls, bro. She's like, her fans call themselves kittens. I just. And she's like, if you call yourself a kitten, you're a fucking loser.

I just, she was under who like made that name like years ago. Did she? Oh, did she? In the article that you sent, there is people, she said she was making fun of everybody for calling themselves kittens. And then someone sent her a screenshot of her putting out a poll saying should the fans call themselves kittens or cubs. Oh my God. I did not see that part of it. That is so funny, dude.

I wonder why do this business? If you hate people that like what you do or hate the way they show it, why be in this business? Like this, it's not an easy business to choose. Get your money and disappear. It would be, you know. Right. Which is also kind of what she said she wants to do. But I also think she is pretty, she might be mentally unwell.

And I think that she's addicted to social media too in a way. So she, that's why, because you're right, like, if she did have this disdain for fans, I think people have had this in the past, like, like major talents or whatever. I think they just try to, like, not engage, whereas she's doing the opposite. She literally said last year, I don't give a fuck anymore. I fucking quit. I can't wait to fucking disappear. And I don't need you to believe in me anymore.

And that is what she tweeted last year. And this is what she said about her last two albums. Planet Her and Hot Pink were cash grabs and y'all fell for it. Now I can go disappear somewhere and touch grass with my loved ones on an island while y'all weep for mediocre pop. That's so insane. It's kind of fascinating. I agree. She's just trolling everybody, though, right?

In a way, I love it and respect it, like, because it's just so insane to do it. Like, I'm such a people pleaser, too, so part of me is like, wow, that's fucking, like, I just not capable of that, like, what she's doing. And it's wild to me. And I think, right, siloing off that, like, there's no question, we are having no debate or no hemming or hawing about the badness of the accusations against this person. Like, but just trying to silo off the, how should you treat your fans question, it is, I do agree that it's just an interesting, it brings up interesting.

you know, questions because I think, I'm sure that there's been stuff written about this, but my, my, as I think about it, I think fandom has probably drastically changed and rapidly changed in the last 10 to 15 years, right? Yes. Social media and the kind of expectate. I mean, the whole interesting thing about Twitter at first was that like you could tweet, I remember at some point, you know, somebody tweeted, a friend of mine, you know, tweeted something about, name of, Steele Magnolius or something.

And the stars of the movie can then just engage with you on Twitter. And there was this weird flattening where it used to be when I was a kid and I was obsessed with less than Jake. My only chance to see them would be on the 3-Eleven cruise or at a concert. You know, I could kind of worship them and obsess with them. But if I was a teen now and my favorite band, I would be, there's DMing on Instagram. There's like this flattening of famous people and not famous people, which I think has had a lot of cool and good things. I think that was something that was really interesting about Twitter,

that you could interact with people who you previously could never interact with before, but then with that comes fewer boundaries for famous people. So it kind of makes sense that some famous people might be like, man, this fucking sucks, you know? Yeah, I mean, I definitely think there's an argument to be made of like, if you're an artist and you become a successful artist and are putting out stuff, you don't actually owe anyone anything other than, you know, that is your job and that's the work you do, right? I feel like it's now just become this given that, like, you have stands and they have a name and you have to do everything to please them and, you know, the boundaries get a little weird.

And so, like, in her specific case, it's in the name of some, like, shit that I'm not, like, I fundamentally am like, ew, like this guy that she's with. But at the same time, I do have, like, I do find, I think there's an interesting discussion to be around, like, what is owed to fans and what fans are able to dictate because at the end of the day too I feel certain types of way about people going like you're not allowed to date that person

you're only allowed to date these people I also that that feels icky to me at a point you know what I mean like it's not our place it's not our business to dictate people's lives in that way you know it just it just gets sticky it feels like weird like territory to be in where we're picking

apart these people's lives and it's like and you can go ahead and say well they ask for it. They decided to become celebrities and that's what they wanted. But I'm, dude, I'm gonna tell you all day, I don't think paparazzi should have the right to take people's pictures like the way they do and follow people around and stuff. I'm in that camp. I don't think just because you became a celebrity or became famous means that all of these like morals go out the window. I'm just not that person. You know what I mean? I'm, I'm a small town kind of guy. You know what I mean? Try that in a small town. Dude, try that as a small town. Do it. Try that.

I do not. I can't. Jason Aldeen bullshit. I can't with it. Yeah, by the way, we were like, what do we even say about this? I think we're just going to say he's literally never lived in a fucking small town. He lives in a fucking mansion in Florida and he has a full security detail. That song is written by four other people. So if you think he's a root and toot and small town guy, I'm sure all our listeners think that.

I'm sure they all love Jason Alde. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Lots of. are the one Jason L.D. Van. You might not be any more if you listen to this. Right. It's clearly a racist dog whistle song and shameful and lame and goofy and corny. And what I'm mad about now is just like the lamest shit rises to the top now in the name of fighting wokeness. So they have to all listen to this song even though they secretly think it's it sucks.

But they all have to play it out of their truck now to make sure that it becomes the number one hit in the name of fighting this fake war against wokeness that doesn't exist. And it's a giant waste of time to distract from, you know, the real shit going on right now. Like the fact that they clone Jamie Fox. Oh, that's where you want to go. That's what you want to talk about after this. Oh, Ice-T is not having that, though. I love Ice T's Twitter.

Talk about an angry old man. He is just the oldest crank. He may as well just be a. Man sitting on a porch just being like, I don't like that, you know. Poor Jamie Fox puts out this very heartfelt video, and everyone's like, are you a clone? For those of you also that don't know, this has been like in the news for months. It has been just like the Jamie Fox's medical condition. And this is one thing that like I don't usually, that's not, that's a road.

I don't usually like to go down when it's like someone is speculating about someone's medical stuff. I think it kind of like yucks me out where I'm like, just leave him alone. Yeah, just go up with privacy. Well, there's another example of what do you owe your fans. He doesn't feel like he owes his fans and inside access to this medical emergency he suffered, which seems to maybe have been a stroke,

but we don't know on purpose because they've purposely kept it airtight. Yes. And then the problem with that nowadays is if you want any discretion or any privacy, then conspiracy theories start to happen. Right. Because you're not giving full transmit, which is so obnoxious.

I mean, remember what happened to Richard Simmons? Remember when everyone lost their minds? I mean... I feel a shame that I, like, listen to that whole podcast. I also feel a shame that I listened to the whole podcast because I felt, because, like, the whole... I think it was called Missing Richard Simmons when he decided to, yeah, like, he decided to leave the spotlight. And then there was, like, I feel bad that I was totally a part of that. We were doing page seven.

I was going to say, when all of that happened. I remember talking about it on page seven, and it was like, yeah, what, and then what, what, what, what, Did we ever get any information? Was he just trying to disappear from me? I think it just came down to he was done. He wanted to retire because that job must have been exhausted. He had to be the most exuberantly positive, happy, engaged. And he was having some health problems and he didn't want to be remembered like that in the spotlight.

And good for it. He chose to, but anyway, sorry, not to talk about residents. No, that's a perfect point. That's a great point. This is the same thing. People create conspiracy theories over what happened because everyone thought he was being, remember Richard Simmons? We thought he was being held hostage by the woman that worked for him and all of these insane conspiracy theories. But one of the conspiracy theories that have come out about Jamie Fox is that he has passed on and that this is actually a clone or an AI version of Jamie Fox doing his medical update because he just gave a quick.

Which, again, he didn't owe anybody. But Jamie Fox, I guess, or his team decided it was time for him to put out a. hey guys, I'm okay, I'm on the mend kind of thing, but this has been after like six months of him being MIA. Yeah. So, but ICE DE was just so, had to come out and be like, Jamie Fox is not. Had to come out into his defense. Yeah, it's, and it's so funny that you think,

you're like, is that a joke? No, I saw a legitimate tweets being like, they got another one. Look at this side-by-side picture of this man. He's clearly been in the hospital for months. Yeah, right. Look at this side-by-side of a man of a younger version of Jamie Fox before he had a life-altering health problem. And now look at this picture of him now after he has had a life-altering health problem.

He looks different. Oh. But I will say, don't feel bad if you did send this in as the celebrity conspiracy, it's obviously it's a cut and dry celebrity conspiracy. But we're dealing with it, we did have a couple of people writing with it. We love clone conspiracies. Of course. We love it.

I live for it. In a way, we are the regenerators of, what is the word I'm looking for? We're the, we're helping spread these sorts of things around with our whole segment. We're spewing them. Is that the word you're looking for? Spewing them all about, spew them about. And I can't believe we got this far into the episode and we're not talking about Ariana Grande yet because I will say on our, Jack and with the Holdies last Friday.

I've changed my tune. I, I, I, I, we had a lot to say about Ariana Grande's new romance. So last week we were talking about her marriage dissolving. Yes. But that had happened, it turns out, or it happened, or they separated months ago. So she's already moved on with someone and the internet, of course, has been a flame with whom she moved on with. Well, my first take was, so it's, it's SpongeBob, it's the guy who is in the SpongeBob musical. But he's also, he's a Broadway star. His name is Ethan Slame.

He's live action Spongebob, that's what I'm going to call. He's used with the voice of Spongebob, who is Tom Kenney, was also in Mr. Show and who also, they both, by the way, look like each other. The voice of cartoon Spongebob and young Broadway Spongebob, they look like they could play each other young and old in a movie. But go on. I love Tom Kenney. He's so good on Mr. Show. His wife is so good on Mr. Show as well, who had to speak out in his defense and say, it's not.

Ariana Grande is not stooping my husband. That was so cute. Oh my God, they've been together for 27 years. I didn't know that she was also on Mr. Show. Yeah, she's, she, they're both so good on that show. I love that I love that they're a couple. And they're both, and then they both immediately turned that career from Mr. Show into a successful voice acting career for both of them. They're just killing.

That's like the Hollywood dream. Oh, yeah. Like, they're not in the limelight, but people love the shit out of them. They brought so much joy to so many people. If they go to like a convention, they get that love, but they, you know, they can still walk around and not. get harassed on the street or be told they're a clone for the love of God. Except right now everyone's going to be yelling at him because they think he's the one stup at Arianna-Grandi, but it's not him, it's the younger one.

My original take on all of this initially was everyone was like, look at this weird-looking weird-o-looking guy. I hate, how is she with this guy? And I was like, let her date a weird-looking guy. I was like defending her actually, which, ew, I know, right? It feels gross to say that out loud. I wouldn't die. I remember you did this last Thursday during Thursday.

You were like, everyone keeps making fun of him because he does look a little bit like a human embodiment of SpongeBob. I don't even know. I'm sorry. He's true. I just think, you know, and everybody, you know, he's a bit off looking from what everyone's ideal is, I guess. I'm like, let her be with a weird looking guy. You know, she's got a taste. You're right about that.

That immediately changed as soon as I found out, it's like, wife of Ethan Slater speaks out, blindsided by this information. They were seemingly happily married up through the birth of their child. They have a six-month old child, and then I'm like, man, that is so sad. He's such a moron. He threw his life away for Ariana Grande. And Ariana, I'm just saying, if you look at her history, she's a spider woman. She chees and is the other woman.

So don't mind you. Dude, she's done it like eight times. He began the sentence with, if the TikTok I saw is true. The TikTok I saw is true. She has either been the other woman or cheated on her significant other. like multiple times, like in many, many different instances. Like Mac Miller was with someone when they got together. Pete Davidson was.

But then also like she has apparently cheated multiple times. It's just her, all right? And I'm just saying, maybe she's evil. Whoa. I mean, you did call her a spider woman already. She's a bit of a spiderous is what I'm trying to say right now. I don't know. You got to break up your marriage and your, with a new,

baby because you have the opportunity to vote. He's a fucking idiot moron and he's throwing his life away. So don't think I'm just like, it's all her fault. I'm other woman, nin, or whatever you want to say, right? Yeah. I would never say that.

I would never say other woman, nin, ding, ding. Whatever. Phrase, you want to say woke army? I know you're coming for me, all right, with your Barbie flags and your small town. Yeah.

Honestly, you're on the same side. I spent a lot of time over the weekend reading about Jeremy Allen White's divorce just because I was curious. Oh, why were you so curious? I was just interested. Did you look up the pictures of him running? And doing push-ups. Very interesting pictures that came out of him recently. He may have just called the paparazzi to come take a photograph of him looking hot while running.

It's the flip side of what Holden was saying before. I think that he staged those pictures. But so and him, you know, he also has two young. kids and newly divorced. And then honestly, Jackie, the other story that you sent about how Matt Damon was like in couples therapy, me and my wife talked about how I need to like take more time off so that I can be around the family unless Christopher Nolan calls me, in which case I get to go be in his movie. Which I mean, I think is a, I think that's adorable. And then Christopher Nolan calls him. He's like, I'm sorry. And she's like, all right, go. You got to do it. We did it.

Yeah, it is a, it's a great example of like communicating near needs and setting your boundaries and all that. But yeah, I mean, it actually, I, between the Ariana thing and the Jeremy Allen White thing and the Matt Damon thing, it is kind of interesting to think about how trying this life is on people's relationships, you know? Is that essentially why they separated Jeremy Allen White recently separated from his wife, but that, or divorce, but because of the lifestyle. I think that what I read was that there, I don't think it's been said explicitly, but that she. She had an Instagram caption in which she referred to herself as a single mom. And then people are like being a co-parent is not the same as being a single mom. Please. But she was like she changed it to then say co-parent.

But it sounds like she has expressed a lot of grief. Yes, for how absent he is. And that he's in a different, you know, he's in Chicago. Like he's literally gone. And he's, but then his team is like he's an extremely loving and attentive and devoted father. And he's around those kids as much as he can be, which I'm sure is also true. And I was really sad reading about it because I was like, this just seems like

something where it just sucks for everybody. Except for you. I mean, except for you. I benefit because I get to look at his face. Yes, yes. And it's just the possibilities in the air. You know what I mean? I think that's just one caveat with idiot.

I could blow up my life. Yeah, if I get to leave you. It's your caveat. You negotiated. Actually, no, for me, it is, it's cousin. It's not there than I'm in. Oh, wow. Wow.

Oh, man, you wait till the second season. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Well, you guys better wait until the celebrity conspiracy. That's right. It's time it with the share. I'm sorry. Now I'm all, I got all like goasty.

I'm like, I'm all basted over here. All right, sorry. Come on. Do you believe it? Is Miley Cyrus in a cult? Ooh, a kind of cult. Well, I will explain. It's a very interesting cult.

This one comes in from Maya who writes, Hi, Holden. I came across this TikTok that says Miley Cyrus might be an occult called the Modern Mystery School, if you want to look it up, which is like a MLM with martial arts and Alistair-Crowly ritualistic sex magic teachings mixed in. That sounds awesome. Sign me up. The main tenant seems to be something called DNA activation, where the leader can activate your strands of DNA. Okay.

I saw someone on Reddit saying they paid $245 for, quote, life activation. and the next step was a 16-hour course about empowering yourself for $975. I also heard that they have children cage matches, not loving it. Anyway, there seems to be some evidence that Miley is involved with this cult and is friends with some of the healers. It seems like she met them right around the time her last album came out, and that's why she's not doing any promo or touring, etc. The attached TikTok is from user Michelle Talk, who shows a picture of Miley with two alleged healers working for the modern,

Mystery School, who apparently drew Miley into the cult. The description of the cult from a user on Reddit is this. The Modern Mystery School models itself on the Golden Dawn and the ritualistic sex teachings of Alistair Crowley. The leader, Goudny Goudnosson, real name, I'm sure, is an Icelandic native that claims to hold the secrets of a 3,000-year lineage directed back to King Solomon. At the heart of the Mystery School curriculum was a technique known as DNA activation. Today the process is referred to as life activation.

Gnossin taught that everyone has 24 strands of DNA, 12 physical, 12 spiritual. Oh, I'm sure. Using a process similar to the energy healing practice, Rakey, Jackie. Oh, yeah. But performs with a crystal wand rather than a healer's hands. Gnosson claimed he could, quote, activate 22 of these DNA strands. The technique has been passed down through the school's 3,000-year lineage. Gounsson said, but the knowledge required to activate the final two strands of DNA had remained a mystery until his extraterrestrial encounter with a race of aliens called the Nathors.

He said he, this is all in this pest. He said he bumped into them parked up by a lake in southern Idaho. Whoa. Slaughterhouse five. They go on to write that this cold operates on a global scale and is a big old pyramid scheme. Thank you for potentially reading this. I'm currently writing this from my job. Hashtag time theft.

Love you all. Maya. So thank you, Maya. Wow, Maya. I mean, they did show a picture with the two healers. The TikTok also kind of got into like the absolute lack of promotion that Miley has been doing. It seems like her Instagram has, they speculate that it's been taken over by a bot. There's just the poster less personal lately.

Like she's kind of being kind of pulled into this thing a little bit. I don't know. What do you guys think? Whoa. I mean, I'm not into like, what is it, child matches? I love, that's the part I love. The children's cage matches sound fucking awesome, dude. Other than that, you know, it sounds like she's having fun, if anything.

And by the way, if you guys want to get a circuit started, I'm considering just out of, maybe just for now out of my living room hosting some child cage matches. If anybody wants to sign their kid up, I'm building a cage this week. fighting, we can all activate each other's DNAs. Oh, yeah, I'll get my crystal wand. Yeah, get your wand out. Oh, yeah, I've been scared of that, you doing that before. Oh, yeah.

I'm not, you always keep your penis away. Yeah, what are you talking about? Your penis is always in your pants. It's not me to crystals. My penis is always in my pants. That's my thing. It always stays in my pants. Famously always in your pants.

Yeah, famously always caged, yeah. often maybe for sure. I guess I believe. Two pairs of underwear. I believe. All right. MJ, do you believe or do you think my penis is a crystal wand that comes out of my pants?

I think if those are the two choices, I have to believe. All right. There you go. Two believers. We've got two believers. Amazing stuff. And also, if you want to see if Holden actually keeps his penis inside of his pants, you should come and hang out with us this weekend at our 12 hour.

LPN Grind show that is going to be going on this weekend. So check out this Saturday from 10 a.m. Pacific Standard Time to 10 p.m. Pacific Standard Time time. We're not leaving time zones. And that's going to be on Twitch.com TV forward slash last podcast network. Let's get loud. I'm leaving time zones because I'm going to be flying to L.A. to be there in person. Yes. So if you enjoy. If you enjoy page 7 reunited, which I do, you can tune in for that. I love it.

Check it out. But now, get ready for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. I did say that I, this one goes out to MJ's kids, eight celebs who had on-stage bathroom accidents. When you said this one goes out to my kids, I was like, my kids haven't had on-stage bathroom accidents.

And then I looked at the list and I was like, oh, it's just because it's all about poop and pee. It's all about favorite subjects. I just feel like they would love these little tidbits. They would. That Joe Jonas once had an accident on stage in the middle of a performance with his brothers. Looking back on the 2019 incident, Joe says

when he realized he had pooped his pants, he quickly ran off to make a quick wardrobe change. While he thought a lot of people would notice, turns out no one really knew what was happening. He says let's just say it was a bad day to choose to wear white clothing. Oh, wow. You think it might be a little toot? It might have

been a little something else, a little something extra. It was a light one. It wasn't a full, so I was able to tell the tale. Jesus Christ, Jochon, as nobody wants that much detail. I think that's why I like these stories so much, why I thought they were so funny because I don't always like poop and pee humor, but just the fact that people are like, I mean, sometimes it just happens. And you know what?

You gotta go. It's happened once. The phrase, it was a light one. It wasn't a full. It's just not working for me. I do not like that. Yeah, I hate it. I wasn't a fool.

It wasn't a fool. Then what is a fool for you? Also, I'm sorry, if you're going to say you pooped your pants on stage, you can just let everybody believe it was a full. Otherwise, you say you sharded your pants on stage. It's a different act. It's a different act. Like what Kelly Clarkson did, Kelly Clarkson said she found herself in a bad position

after some food didn't agree with her stomach during a performance. She ended up almost pooping her. her pants on stage and when she had the opportunity to run off during a quick change, she let loose in a trash can. My kids would love this list. She says, I got some kind of wrecked up from some kind of food. We were in an arena and I shouldn't tell this story, but like I said, my man, I don't have a filter. I had to run backstage to my quick change.

I grabbed this poor trash can and boy, I destroyed it. It was bad. It was bad. But I'm just saying it happens. What are you supposed to do? You're telling me that Kelly Clarkson's green room doesn't have a bathroom. I mean, I guess she just couldn't go all the way back to the green room. So she was like in a hallway somewhere, not all the way back in the green room and then just took a big dump in the trash.

She probably took a dump in front of a bunch of people too off to the side as well. So that's, imagine just going like, I'm sorry as it's happening. I love it. Kevin Hart was scheduled to perform a sold-out show in Norfolk. way when he began to not feel well. He says he was on the toilet for about an hour before the show started in the hopes that he'd get it all out of his system by the time he was supposed to take the stage. Once he was performing, his illness was pushed to the back of his mind until the last seven minutes of the show. He says, I start rushing through the bit. It got to a point where I said,

there's no way that I can make it. If I take a step, it's going to happen, and I made a decision. I looked these people in the face. I said, fuck it. I had like a little trench coat on and I wrapped it around my waist, and after I wrapped it around my waist, I said, there it is, and I finished the show. Wow. Wow. Good on him, though, finishing the show. Finishing the show.

I mean, I looked ahead and Lil Nas X isn't on here, but that was one of my favorite ones where he ran backstage during his set, and he was still on microphone. He's like, all right, everybody, just let y'all know I'm shit right now. It's so funny. Have you seen that? No. It's so funny. He's on the microphone, and he's.

He's just like, all right, y'all, I ain't gonna lie. Like, I had to take a big old shit, so that's what I'm doing right now. Like, he was, like, in the bathroom, shitting. I mean, sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go. You're moving like that and everything. Yeah, he's jostling it all around. You're on the road. I mean, but he's not the only one that can perform while also taking a shit.

When Hugh Jackman was starring in Beauty and The Beast on Broadway, he had an unfortunate on-stage accident. He had previously been told by a doctor that he was dehydrated, so he began drinking a lot of water. He went to the bathroom, right before hitting the stage, but not long after he felt a need to go again. He says, I'd just gone to the bathroom, but waiting in the wings, I was like, bloody hell, I need to go again. I thought, I'll be all right.

He shared, but says he realized at the end of his big duet, he wasn't going to be able to hold it. I thought, if I sing this note, I'm going to be my pants. If I don't, I'm going to be humiliated. The actor in me took over. I was singing, thinking, wow,

I'm peeing my pants. I love this list. But also, this list is really impacting me because I feel like I always am afraid that I'm going to pee my pants on stage. It's one of my deep-seated actors' nightmare fears. But I'm always like probably people don't really, you always think you have to pee before you go out.

It's his nerves. And then you go out. And for me, it always goes away. Because I can pee 20 times for the show. I always think I got to go more. And then it goes away on stage. But what if one time it doesn't, Hugh Jackman? Thanks for putting that scene.

It's very scary. It's very, but also like, that's got to be. I mean, while you're singing and you're also thinking about having to piss at the same time, Patty LaBelle did the same thing. Patty Bell was once performing at an outdoor concert where there was no toilet nearby. She says she realized she needed to go in the middle of her show. So her hairstylist grabbed a bucket and she ran off stage to pee. On top of that, she continued to perform while she was going.

She said, I used a bucket. Nobody knew. They thought I was going back to change clothes. I kept the song going after that, honey, I kept singing, the band was playing, and Patty was doing her thing. That's great. And that's my list for you guys. I love it. Great list, Jackie.

Great list. Terrible blinds this week, so a really good list. It's good. I'm glad that maybe they even out. No, they're not all bad, but it's definitely maybe, maybe, I feel like we got some pretty good news stories in face of the strike. Maybe the blinds might have been a little affected by the strike. I'm not sure, but it was just a lot of, uh, well, uh, really, really. dig deep for this one. So

I think I'm going blind items. Oh, we can't see him. Hey, Tay and the win. He's not in this week. Oh, wow. Okay. Just throwing you off a little bit. Just mentioning him. Yep. Just bringing him up. Just bringing him up just because you're thinking about him? Well, I don't want to end

on it, so I'll start with probably the dumbest, weakest one. This A-list Illiterate Reality Star is trying to purchase this iconic sunglasses company that was everywhere in the 80s. I feel like it was everywhere in the 90s into the 2000s, but I guess it was everywhere in the 80s. Kim Kardashian. Remember Oakley's? Yes, Kim Kardashian.

What are the other ones other than Oakley's? There was also around at the same time that everybody had and spent too much money on, it was always in a kiosk at the mall. Raybans? Yes, she wants to purchase Raybans. And did we bring up Raybans recently? Did they go out of style? I feel like Raybans are eternal.

They're eternal? Yeah. For sure. Oakley's definitely fucking did. Oakley's went out of style. Went out of style. Surely. There was the sunglasses.

and sunglasses was like the biggest fucking thing. It was a big, I remember my brother wanted Oakley's and like in like seventh grade or something and had to really lobby my parents for the Oakley's. And it is so funny because I still remember what those Oakley's look like and they looked so. So bad on them. So bad. But we thought they were very cool at the time. They were the jinkos of this time.

Yeah, they were so silly. The jinkos of the face. Yeah, they were face jinkos. They looked totally different now. by the way, I just looked up what Oakley is now. It's completely different than what it used to be. But Raybans, I feel like Raybans is not as much a brand of sunglasses to me as a shape of sunglasses. Like it evokes a very specific style.

Well, same with Oakley. Oakley was like that goggle kind of thing. Not anymore. Oakley has a lot of cute sunglasses now. Yeah, not anymore. Yeah, they've totally changed that. Well, I mean, for good, no, they still got some. They still got some of those.

And then Rayban, yeah, I remember Rayban was actually the fancier one. Yeah, Rayban was really expensive. And I know that they have a lot of styles, but it's the aviators that I that I associate with Rayba. That was such an important status symbol in like when we were in middle and high school. It was so important to get your Raybans or your Oakley's

and like sport those and spend way too much money on them. And then because it was like the craziest thing you owned, be way too protective of them. And I'm so scared of losing that. You're not even enjoying them anymore. You can't because you're so freaked out about them breaking or whatever. I still have that fear of sunglasses. I still don't want nice sunglasses.

Don't give me nice sunglasses. Yeah, I only buy cheap sunglasses. I only buy cheap sunglasses. Actually, I still need to go to get my prescription sunglasses finally. I still have not done that. And you can be a real cool guy. If you ever forget your glasses, you get to wear your prescription sunglasses inside, which is a cool, cool guy. And that, oh, yeah, you're going to be real cool with the grocery store.

Well, speaking of really cool people, this disgraced YouTube star really doesn't have much. money saved. She thought the easy money would last forever. And man, I hope that's true. And she's on a toxic gossip train. Next stop. Good riddance. I won't say. I won't even say her real name. Good riddance, man. I hope that's true. I hope she's really suffering right now. I hope she is. She sucks. I don't even care. I don't even, I don't even, I don't have supposed to be better than this, but I just don't care. I know I'm supposed to be better than this. I mean, I want her basic needs to be met, you know, but beyond that, whatever.

Yeah, totally. Yeah, mostly just because of her kids, but... Oh, yeah. Does she have kids? Yeah, she's got kids, which makes it so much, I know. Oh, I feel so bad for those kids. That's, that's, I mean, all right, I just need to show them the subreddit raised by narcissists, like, early. I'll just, like, DM them and be like, just get on this subreddit.

It'll explain everything about why your mom's the fucking. nightmare that she is and they'll give you help to seek therapy and like because you mean she's just textbook narcissist so it's like Nadia it's so clear cut very sad um but anyways let's stop being sad

and let's talk about faking it till you making it. Ooh. One of the the foreign born stars of one of the big recent blockbuster releases had an old interview resurrected where he discusses his pension for faking orgasms during sex fuckers.

Harrison Ford. No, one of the bigger ones, more recent ones. There are two to choose from. Indiana Jones just came out. Killion-Murphy? Yes. Oppenheimer. He fakes orgasms?

Yeah, yeah. How did you guys get Killing-Murphy both out of nowhere at the same time, even though you were just talking about Indiana Jones? You said it's one of them. It's a Barbenheimer, obviously. Yeah, yeah, it's a Barbenheimer. If I'm going to choose out the gate, if it's Ryan Gosling or if it's Killian Murphy, I would say it's Killian Murphy. From the old article, Killian, who said that Meg Ryan wasn't the only person that could put on a good show, reckons there's no point carrying on with something that isn't working for you.

He refused to name the girlfriend he has faked it with in the past, but said, of course, I have faked an orgasm. You never think of men doing it, but it's just as possible. Wow. It certainly is. I just feel bad that he wasn't able to, like, communicate with his part. about, you know, where he was and, like, actually talking about it rather than just fake. Other way sucks, too, if you're just dating someone. Like, I definitely kind of was just not feeling it.

And I almost feel like maybe I should have faked it because the other side of that was like, like, what's wrong with you or something? It was kind of like that. I'm sorry that that happened to you as well. That's not how a person should react. Everything about, oh, my God, dude, it was so bad. So I don't even know what I was thinking with this girl. So the first time we dated, we met first. I know he's canceled now, but he wasn't thin.

We met to see a Woody Allen movie, Midnight in Paris, which I love that movie. It's such a good movie. And she talked through the whole movie. I don't even know why we met to see a movie for a date because, like, what is that? It's not a good date for a first date. She talked through the whole movie.

And then afterwards, she was like, oh, yeah, I watched it last night. So, and I was like, why did you agree to do this then? I would have seen a different movie. What the fuck? Like, it was so weird. And then I met her again in her weird apartment that was like all the way at the,

river. Like if you go way, way east side, it took like forever to get to her apartment. And then we get there and it's tiny and it's hot and the beds in the kitchen. It's one of those. And she what, we watched a movie on this like weird uncomfortable wooden bit. Like nothing about the apartment was comfortable, including the sex. And so in the middle of the sex, I was like, I'm just not comfortable. I'm not like, this is just not working at all in my head. And then I was like, oh, I'm sorry. And she was just like, really? You can't. You know what I mean? I was just like, yeah, this is awful.

Your beds in your fucking kitchen. That's a horrible way to react. And there's no air conditioning. It's the middle of the summer. She should have been. There was like one AC unit that didn't work. No. Especially on that hot, ain't nothing happening.

It was too hot. It was such a bad two dates. I don't know why I went on a second date. Yeah. Horny in the city, man, I guess. Man, sometimes you're horny in the city. Alist. Eelian Murphy, if you want to try again, you know, I am also available.

So y'all. Also, Jackie called the pot called the kettle black. How many second dates did you go on with the worst people ever? Who was? What was your juggalos name again? Mitsy. Stinky or whatever. No, squeezy.

Squeezy. Oh, my God. So many bad seconds. Like, I've gone out with this guy again. He's fucking horrific. But maybe this time he'll be better. I don't even think you expected it to be better. That's the funny part.

You were just like, yeah, I just. tape my life. But who would you rather have faken orgasm with you? Killian Murphy or Jeremy Allen White. Or me? Or Holston. Those are the three choices. Oh.

Or Jason Aldeen. Or Jason Aldean. Well, he fakes everything else pretty well. He fakes me from a small town and living in a small town, so I think he'd be pretty good at faking an orgasm. He fakes me in a root and tutin' country guy. I just can't believe how dumb fucking modern country fans are.

At least the ones that actually think these guys have any legitimacy whatsoever. You know what I mean? I mean, it's just such a joke. Like, you're just such fucking idiots. Anyways, Jackie, back to you. I think that both of them really tick off a lot of the broody boy boxes that, you know, I definitely need. But I think that, like, because of Piquet, he blown us, I think that Killian Murphy, I would accept it from more. Yeah.

But he's so, like, quiet and soft-spoken. So I wonder what kind of orgasm he's fake. because it's not like he's going, oh, oh, fucking come! He's probably just going, oh,

okay, I'm done. Thank you. Very much. For your services. Oh, Cookie must are hungry. Why does he sound like the cookie monster? I don't know.

That is not what he sounds like. Which one would you rather? I'm over here agonizing about it. I honestly, I would prefer that neither of them would have to fake. I know. I'm feeling very horny for Killian Murphy right now. And Jeremy Allen White,

and I think that I choose Killian Murphy. I pick Jason Aldeen so that I could cut his cock off and beat him to death with it allegedly. Whoa. Yeah, do a Lorena Bobbitt to Jason Aldeen. I think that's... Yeah. Lorena Bobbitt, New Game Plus, because I'll also beat him with it until at least he passes out. Yeah, it'll be plus.

Yeah, that'll be fun. New Game Plus. I think that's good. Video game reference for you guys. Yeah, cool. Why are you acting like I need to stand this padded room and a straight jacket? Why are you slowly backing out of the room, Jack? No, I'm just like a good.

Oh, alright, come on. Yeah, I'm not crazy. Jackie's little prisoners. I mean, I think, can you see again, Holden? Yeah, I could super see again. I see fucking lovely faces. Aw, thank you. But I saw you guys as somebody out.

I'm not crazy. Isn't he so funny? Thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode of Page 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram, a Jack That Worm. And you can come hang out with us. on tour. Last Podcast Network.com,

the release the butthole cut tour. Coming back at you in September. Yes. It's going to be great. It's going to be great. And you have to get tickets to Tampa. My family's going to be there.

We got to pack it out. We got to give Linda the show she deserved. We need people to buy as many tickets as they can for Tampa because, again, the emotional heft of that leg of the tour with Jackie and Holland, and both performing for their families. It will be.

Potentially, I might be in Atlanta. Maybe not, though. We'll see. All right. Well, we got to pack the crowd. We got to support our Jackie. Please. Toxic gossip trade.

Holden. That's Holden. I'm holding. You can catch me on Twitch.tv. 4 slash Holdenators ho. Putting out new apology videos every single week. With brand new songs, I'm holding and I'm sorry.

that you're mad at me. Isn't that good? Yeah, that is good. Yeah. That kind of thing. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry that you're upset. Um, but regardless, check me out.

Twitch. combe forward slash hold later. So Monday through Friday, Jacket with the Holies every Friday. I'm gonna be there in person this Friday. I'll be jacking with you guys. Hey, I love that. I didn't even think about that.

That's fucking rad. Yeah. So, well, that'll be really fun this Friday. And then we've got the Sub-Athon. We've got Murder Fisted Dynasty typewriter in September as well. We've got Beach Blanket Bingo. LPN network-wide show in San Diego in October. It is fucking insane what we're about to be doing here.

So catch it, catch it, catch it. Thank you so much. MJ. My name is MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. Oh, yeah. Patreon.com forward slash page 7podcast. Page 7podcast at gmail.com. Let's sing the song.

Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it. Come on. We're gonna read it out to you. Come on. Hey, y'all. Thank you for sending in your shoutouts. And you can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Just letting you guys know it's going to be a bit of a longer one today because we've got some stories in here. And you know, usually I cut down on the stories, but some of these were so good that I was like, you know what? I'm keeping the whole damn thing in. You can send in your own stories and shoutouts. again to page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

And first up, we have Megan here with a shout out to their amazing partner, Eddie. Megan says, I'd love to shout out my amazing partner Eddie for getting a motherfucking Emmy nomination. He is nominated for outstanding special visual effects in a single episode for an episode of Wednesday that he worked on. He is so goddamn good at his job and also manages to be a, kind and funny human on top of it all. I'm so proud of him. Love Megan. And you know what? I'm proud of him too, Megan, sending all of my love to you both. And now comes in from Carson.

Carson, who is, uh, my number one Fayebe forever. I remember meeting you, Carson. Carson's got a few shoutouts today. First of all, uh, to me, Jackie, you signed my copy of Akitar and the Kansas City show, and I couldn't articulate in that moment just how much getting back into reading has meant to me. My best friends and I have created a little book club to read Smut together, and it's been so incredible to rekindle this love and band with my besties over it. Second, for my wonderful fiancé Gavin, we've been together for seven years. Hell yeah, high school, sweetheart. And every day I'm reminded how lucky I am to be in love with my best friend.

I love you, Goob, always stay. stinky. And lastly, for myself, I recently got a raise and a kick-ass opportunity at work. My new boss started back in March, and the first thing she decided was that I deserved a salary review. Imagine my joy when I found out the rest of the leadership team agreed with her. It whoops-assed to know my hard work is recognized and appreciated. Love Carson, and I'm so happy for you, Carson, and congrats on the fiancyship. And I wish you both all the love in the world, all the love in the world. Now, moving on to Joe.

Joe writes in, I'm here today with a self-shout. You know I love a self-shout because I think I deserve it. After being with my boyfriend for over five years, the two of us separated last year because I realized I was gay. Coming out later in life has been hard. I spent plenty of time grieving the life I thought I was going to. to live and worrying about how my life would look now. After years of feeling that there was something wrong with me, there's been a lot to unpack and unlearn. Heteronormativity is a powerful force,

but I look back now and I could not feel more proud of how brave I was for making the difficult choice to live my truth. My ex stayed by my side as we navigated this big change in both our lives together through therapy and many, many honest conversations. The pain, of hurting him was one of the toughest things I had to deal with, but staying with him would have only hurt him more and me more. I am so grateful to still have him around me as a friend, an ally, and as a dance partner because the man loves a gay bar more than I do. I've carved out such a life for myself, surrounded by amazing friends who support and love me for who I am. I never thought I'd feel pride for myself like I do now, but this year I have felt the most free, the most myself,

and the most loved I ever have felt before. May anyone listening who needs the strength to live authentically, find it. Queer joy is real. I am living it. It's beautiful and it shouldn't be revolutionary, but it is. A quick shout out to you, Jackie. Thank you. And all of LPN, not only have you given me hours upon hours of joy and laughter when I needed it most over the years,

but you all have shown me such a great example of what beautiful friendship and love looks like in so many different forms. It's inspiring to see, and I can only hope my circle of chosen family stay as close as you and all yours in the years to come. And if I may, one final shout-out to my friend Christina, who you read a self-shout for not that long ago. Thank you for being a cheerleader, a fuck-it-hat connoisseur,

and for introducing me to page seven. But then also Riverdale! I love you more than Dr. Curtle Jr. loves performing unethical autopsies. Viva LaGronky, love Joe. Oh, I love you, Joe. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I think it's really important to hear these positive experiences of what you have gone through, and I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy for you. Hell yeah. Even though you said Viva LaGronky, I still love you, Joe. Anyway, moving on to Ryan. Ryan had an amazing experience. I just stopped by to give a huge, huge shout out to the best big sister and the best

best friend anyone could ask for. We scored three floor tickets with VIP soundcheck to an August D concert that's Shuka from BTS. We were so ecstatic. If you know, you know, but August D tickets in general were a battle to get. Think Taylor Swift as she underestimated the size of a venue she would need. It's the first BTS member to do a solo tour. I felt kids. by the gods. But then they realized that the security line was way too long and they were going to miss their flights. Except Ryan forgot for a moment that their sister is just as insane as they are about this concert and my sister is very driven when she wants something. So without even questioning it, she starts looking at rental cars and calling the Airbnb. If we leave literally right now,

we can make the 15-hour drive in time to get our wristbands and maybe take an hour or so to nap if we for go getting dressed. Spoiler alert, we got dressed up anyways. How do you expect us to be within 20 feet of Shuka from BTS and not be ready for a marriage proposal? We are going to make it to this fucking concert. And not only did we make it, we had a fucking blast. Once we got inside and experienced sound check, I finally took a nap on the venue floor while we waited for the rest of the place to fill up. My head in my friend's lap as she pets my hair. Then the show started and I think the entire show had a different filter on it due to my adrenaline and sleep deprivation. It felt like a religious experience. I definitely cried a few times. This is one of those stories that I'll keep

close to me for years and years to come. And it was only as magical as it was because of the people I experienced it with. Devin and Autumn, you guys are my favorite people for a reason. And I'm so happy to know you. Love Ryan. I love your friendship and your sister, friendship. Next up on our shoutouts is from Orin, aka Taint Your Mom. And they say, I got to thinking about a heavy dose of middle school secondhand embarrassment and realized it was really a goof-for-huh moment. As I'm dancing in my Speedo at 2 a.m. in the kitchen to Taylor Swift after seeing Rebecca Black in Portland, I thought of this girl in the school talent show who sang and did her own choreography of a Hillary Duff song, me and all the top dog eighth graders were like, what's with this girl? Her voice cracked and she

was off key, but she fucking went for it and she was the strongest and bravest of us all. She lived so hard at 13 and I need that energy now at 30 more than ever. I hope you're living your best life, Tonya. I have no idea how to spell it, so I hope you're the finetting makes sense and I think I hope it did Orrin and I said so much love to you both and just for thinking about that man just the secondhand embarrassment really gets you sometimes but sometimes you got to re-respectivize it send a little bit of love out there I also wanted to send a huge huge happiest of birthdays to Aggie Aggie has already been to our release the Butthole Cut tour multiple times, and we can't wait to see them again.

I hope you kick your 26th birthday's ass. You are a gorgeous human, and I can't wait to hug you again. Now, last but at least, I've got this story in from Tim, okay? It's a long one, but it was so well written that I'm going to read it out, guys. So go with me on this journey of travel love, won't you? Tim says, first off, greetings from Japan. I'm writing this on a bullet train from Tokyo to Sopero and figured what better way to pass the time

than to write in for a shout-out. I'm a school librarian and therefore have summers off. I'm an avid solo traveler, so most of the time it's just me and my bookbag flying cheap airlines to places far away from my usual life. I wanted to give a shout-out to myself and all other travelers out there who have experienced fleeting romances while on the road.

When I was flying to Vietnam and I had a layover in Frankfurt and Singapore, during my flight from Frankfurt to Singapore, an older Australian lady sat next to me and we made small talk to help pass the time, and I told her I was solo traveling, and in turn she told me I was going to fall in love on this trip. I thought she meant falling in love with a place, with a food, with a culture. It's been years since I've been in a relationship and the dating scene for gay men where I live is pretty dull,

so I've learned to value my independence and friendships and not tie my happiness to men. All this to say, I haven't thought about a relationship in years. Well, Jackie, this random old Australian lady was right. I met a guy from Sydney. He had an interesting job, had traveled to 60 countries, and even has visited most of the United States. He was charming and very witty and funny.

We met up for beers at this dive Bangkok bar on the canal, and we drank so much the bar actually ran out of beer, and the next thing we knew, it was 1.30 in the morning. I also had my pretty woman moment when he paid for all the beers, and I was reminded how nice it is when people treat you every now and then. We spent the next few days hanging out, but he was staying in Thailand for the summer to celebrate his birthday, whereas I was getting ready for a flight to Seoul in a few days. On my last day in Bangkok, we took the train about two hours north to explore the ruins of temples in the sticky, humid jungle and cool off with mango smoothies and pad tie. We talked about everything over those few days, but we also enjoyed the

silence of each other's company, like on that last day, when we took the train back and sat in silence, exhausted from the heat and trekking up and down temple steps. I don't know why, Jackie, but this feels different. It could be because there was a connection that was felt both ways. He seemed interested in me and was the one to plan the temple trip and the one to invite me on it. I feel as though he knows me better than people back home. And that's not because I'm a secretive person, but it's because he's the first one to care enough to ask the big and interesting questions. When we had our goodbye kiss at a golden, gilded temple near my hostel, I went back and packed my bag and got a taxi to the airport for my late night flight. About five minutes from the airport,

What comes on the radio? Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift. To say the timing was perfect would be an understatement, although that song is now ingrained in my mind for the time I shared with him. I can't stop thinking about falling in love again for the first time in years. We even talked about relationships. We're both single for the same reasons. We have standards.

We're interesting people. We don't have time to entertain mediocre and boring men. In a way, our independence is what makes us compatible. But what happens when that gets compromises you enter a relationship? Would we actually work out if we had to give up some parts of our independence? That night we had beers deep in the night when the bugs buzzed around the hanging lights on the water. I remember telling him about my job, how working in education has been tough as a librarian, and how I don't think I'm happy anymore.

Without skipping a beat, he looked at me and said, Where would you go right now? I fumbled for an answer because he asked it in a way, that made it seem a reality. I could go anywhere. We talked about our dream lives in other cities, what it would be like to live in places we were in love with as travelers,

and of course shared stories from our various solar endeavors. We still keep in touch. He checked in to make sure I made it to Seoul safely, and I sent him a postcard from Kyoto for his birthday. But as I slowly make my way back home, and he'll be back in Australia soon, we will once again be on opposite sides of the world,

and I wonder what will come of this brief but intimate relationship. I know it's been a while since I've dated or been in the dating scene, but I decided to let myself feel love, no matter how brief or how delusional it might come off to others. It has also sparked something in me to change things about my life when I get back, which traveling is wonderful in that way. It's like giving yourself a second chance. I just wanted to share this and give a shout out to all the travelers out there

who have fallen in love while exploring the world. You aren't crazy, and what you feel for the human connections you make are valid and part of the human experience. Why even travel if not to fall in love with someone, yourself, and the world? Thank you guys for this wonderful podcast. Did you see why I had to read the whole thing?

I, like, barely had to take some stuff out. I was just like, Tim, I fell in love with you and I fell in love with your experience. I'm so happy that you had this, and you're so right. Don't let anyone take that away from you. I'm so happy for you. Welcome back home.

I'm sorry you got to come back. But I'm so happy for you for opening up your heart because I know how hard that can be. And this was a long shoutouts, guys. And thank you for sticking around. If you made it through this far, I appreciate you. And thank you for understanding why I had to read all these out. I love you guys.

Have a great week. Don't worry. We'll be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.