Page 7 - Ep. 503: Watchin' Ordinary People on a Summer Night

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

JACKIE'S BAAACKIE and this week we learn Crocs are not get your ass beat shoes, Jackie demands to know how much she was missed, Geoff and Jackie sat down to watch that ole side splitter Ordinary People, Holden witnessing T Swift giving Kobe Bryant's daughter a 22 hat at Era's, a savory and slippery opening for the Good Gravy coaster, the hellish nightmare filled hellscape that is Deep Fake Love, is Too Hot to Handle and reality tv, in general, causing employment issues!?, a quick rundown on the Lizzo situation (check out Leftovers for more), and in Celeb Conspiracy Corner: Does Henry hate Timothée because he's horny for him (this editor says "absolutely, yes.")??? All that and a humblebrag-filled list, BLINDZ and finally Da Shoutzzz! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com  Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's time for more. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present. Release the Butthole Cut Tour coming to you in September and October. Where are we heading in September, Jackie? We're going on September 12th. We're going to Nashville. We're going on September 13th to Atlanta, Georgia. And then I'll go back to my hometown, September 14th of Tampa, Florida. In October, October 3rd, we're going to be in Detroit, Michigan.

October 4th. We're going to be in Columbus. And October 5th, we're going to be in Pittsburgh. Page 7 and Wizard the Bruiser Brousit, release the butthole cut tour. You can find tickets at last podcast network.com, baby. Take it back now, y'all. One hop this time. Right foot.

Let's stop. Left foot let's stop. All right. Chaja. Real smooth. Do do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, turn it out. DJ Casper is dead and it's all Holden's fault. Yeah.

Whatever, okay? Maybe this is a gift. Now he can be in heaven ordering the angels to dance in a very specific way. Oh, and maybe they're chah-chying from cloud to cloud? It is very sad, actually. He did. It's too young for sure this man passing away. We're talking about the creator, the god of cha-cha-slide, DJ Casper, has left this

proverbial plane. But how fun in heaven! He's like telling them all, like, all the angels and like the weird old people. Do you think that the angels like to do the Chachas Lydides? Do you think the angels are like you? No, the angels love following orders. That's all they do. Right?

That's what they do. That sucks. That sucks for an angel's life. Yeah, and you're like being a Michael right now or whatever where you deny it. Oh my God. I'm such a Michael. Is this a Michael, the angel that? Yeah, the one who fell.

Yeah, the one who fell. Wasn't that Lucifer? Yeah, but isn't he Michael? I thought you were talking about the movie, Michael. Jean-Tra, the Angel movie. I thought the movie. Yeah, the one who fell. Yeah, I was that saying the same thing.

Either way, you're such a Michael. I'm going to totally take my shoes off. I feel like he never had his shoes on in that movie. And I'm such a Charlotte. Yeah, angels don't wear shoes. They don't need to wear shoes. It's like weird if they were to watch. Are you fine with angel feet?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you remember during? They're ethereal. During the last podcast, Grindhouse, Twitch, Twitch, marathon where we were trying to get a bunch of subs during our segment. Me, Jackie and Holden were together doing Love Box. And I was sitting next to Holden and I was in bare feet because it was a fucking pool party.

And my feet were close. And your feet weren't close to him. My feet were close to him. And Holden was so horrified. And we were trying to get a bunch of subs. And I said, Holden, if we get to 3,000 subs or 2,000, I think was our goal at that time, I said, will you touch my feet? And he wouldn't even say yes.

Way to not take one for the team, Holden. Yeah, I just can't do it, man. That's fine. That's your boundary and I should respect. Am I sexually harassing you right now? No, not at all, but I just can't. You bringing up feet just made me think about it. I know this is more like...

I love being asked that question. Oh, am I sexually harassing you right now? Exactly. That's what you're supposed to ask. That's how you're supposed to. Yeah, aggressively, uncomfortably. No, have you guys seen... I'm violating your boundaries.

I know this isn't really like pop culture news. This is more like news news, but you know, the riverboat like beat down thing that just happened? Did you guys see the picture of the guy's crocs? With the feet through the crocs? No. They beat the crocs off that man. It was amazing.

Dude, his feet are literally fully through the crocs. They are on his ankles. It's hilarious. Wait, where did his foot go? Out the hole? Yeah, out through the front. It can't make it so bad. His blocks are literally...

Wow, I thought they were more durable than that. It's so... Well, they're pretty, durable. I think he just got his whole ass beat for being an asshole on a dock. You can stay here and get your ass beat. You can stay here and get your ass beat. Jay Wow. If you haven't seen this picture, if you're aware

of the riverboat thing, just drunk rednecks being assholes, got the shit beat out of him by the security people for being assholes. And there's literally a pick, like, whatever with all that. I'm sure there's more of a discussion there and everything. But I just, this one picture of this man's feet

fully. Oh my God. I see it. Oh my God. It is both of them. Describe this. Okay. So he is wearing the crocs almost as if they're like cosplay shoes that you add on top shoes. Yeah, like Halloween, like how a Halloween costume has like the boots that go over your shoes. They are up to his calves. They have ripped through the front of the shoes.

The full feet are all the way out. And they were almost up to his knees. He got beaten through his crooks. Wow. Wow. That is impressive. Wow. That's the image of summer 2023 right there. Just beating through the bottom of your cracks. Oh, my God. I feel like this should be an ad for crocs that if you're, I guess maybe an again, an empty ad of don't, if you think you're about to get your ass beat, don't have your crocs on. They're not get your ass beat shoes.

This is an ad for flofers is what it is. Flofer is what it is. Oh my God. Our shoes didn't, you never seen anyone get there. Our shoes would do this. shoes. Wow. Enough of them have sparries on though, too. That's a good, that's a good, a solid shoe right there. We're going to be talking about solid shoes. And you know we are here. Did you you guys miss me last week? Did you miss me?

We super missed you. I heard you guys did a great job holding down the fort, and I just want to say thank you so much. I missed everybody so much. We missed you a lot. We did a lot of singing. Tell me how much you missed me. What was, like, give me a quantification of how much you missed me.

I'm going to go 12 out of 10, Holden. Yeah, we had to, because we had to do all that extra work, and, you know, no one likes to do extra work. No one likes to do extra work. But, no, of course, your whole, everything was missed. I'm just happy we didn't get into email territory last week. I think that's good on us for that. And we saw it was some sticky stuff.

No bad emails. We got emotional. Yeah, you would have wanted to miss the same ways. It was all sad to. I love being sad. Dead. I don't know. The other day I just got to show we've been doing,

this like pick out of a bowl. We bought the skeleton bowl and we've been picking out movies. And I got to show Jeff Ordinary People for the first time. Oh my God. Wow. It finally happened. Did Crying happen from Jeffson? There were tears upon the eyes. Yes. But he didn't give in to Judd Hirsch's seduction the way I do. So it's not for everybody. Wow. Watching ordinary people on a summer night. That is a choice. Oh yeah, baby. That's a good time for it. I told Eddie that we were watching it because when Eddie and I used to live together, we used to watch ordinary people and deer hunter all the time. We would stay up late. We would play cards, get hammered, and just watch really sad movies. And so I told Eddie, and he's like, yeah, don't go swimming.

And I was like, yep, that is the tagline for the movie. Don't go swimming. That's the tagline for ordinary people. That's it. But just throwing it out there in case anybody that's anybody that is nobody that doesn't know what ordinary people is, it's a Mary Tyler Moore. and Donald Sutherland fucking act and Timothy Hutton acting their asses on. It's so good. And it's like how often late, I mean, it's,

the state of the movie theater is very sad. How often do you get to go see like such a strong drama like that? Because even now, it's all powers of the slog. It's not like a good, emotional drama that like, rips your guts out of you. Yeah, instead it's like a cowboy saying a word

every 15 minutes. Can I have a confession? Can this be my, Confession Turner. I saw Oppenheimer and I felt that way about it. Was it a power of the slog? Power of the slog? Like, okay, here it is.

Amazing movie. Amazingly made. Everybody did a great job. It's not for me. Not for me. It is not a movie for me. And how good was Barbie too, though? And Barbie was just so good.

I feel like I'm going to feel the same way. I'm actually, from what I've heard, I don't want to experience this again in the movie theater. Maybe you could vouch for this. Someone already said, like, the sound, fucking mixing is so obnoxious you cannot hear what people are saying oftentimes. They talk so quickly that

like maybe I'm just too used to being at home and having subtitles on but I was like I have no idea what they're saying. I don't know who this person is and also like I'm going to throw it out there maybe I shouldn't talk about my friend Jackie this way. I'm not like the brightest person. I am a lot of fun though and I have a lot

of verb and I'm great in other ways and I don't know a lot about even though I know last podcast just did this whole thing that I should know a lot more about Oppenheimer. I know almost nothing about Oppenheimer. I know what he did. I know that he's sad

about what he did. That's the main thing. That's the main... Those are the two things you got to know about it. You got to know what he did. You got to know what he felt sad about it. And so it's like I knew that. But other than that, like, I didn't know anything about like the history. So I was so lost. And then it would be like, boom. And I'm like, yeah, I know. You're blowing people up.

You're killing a bunch of people. I get it. And then I was just like, I just kept, I was that, I was that person that I didn't pull out my phone, but I just kept in my head and leaning over Jeff being like, how much longer is it? Is it quite long? Are we talking? It's three hours. Yes. That's the other thing about seeing it at home.

I know it's like you have to witness this in. And I'm, you know what though? Barbie would be good on an airplane. Barbie would be good at a movie theater. I can't wait to watch it again. I can't wait to watch it again. why don't we get back to not needing movies to be seen in an iMacs to get the full i'm a little it feels like you're leaning on the tech a little bit and not like delivering an actual like

thing that can stand on it's finally our podcast has chosen a side in the barbenheimer wars and it is the side to be expected and it sounds like we're in a internetwork battle betwixt you know last podcast on the left which uh maybe has side to be expected and it sounds like we're in a internet network um battle betwixt you know last podcast on the left which uh maybe has sided with Oppenheimer, at least in the sense that they covered the Manhattan Project. I've done your show. An insane amount of research. And they did like six weeks of it.

It's a hefty. They did a lot of work for it. I would not feel this way if it wasn't for Tenet. Tenet was a real Emperor's New Clothes moment for me when it comes to old Chrissy Nolan. I think that movie kind of shed some light to me on like some of maybe the not, like he kind of could do no wrong up to that point. And then Tenet for me was so very, very wrong. Let me ask you this.

Did your ears hurt at points? Like, was the sound so obnoxiously loud that, like, your body was vibrating? Because that was my experience with Tenet. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Unless it's my favorite fucking song. I was going to say, unless you're at the Ares Tour. Aris gone.

Add it. I know it's covered. You guys talked about me last week. Yeah, absolutely, for sure. I mean. And I don't, I'm not saying I'm a Swifty. I'm not saying it. I may have drunkenly said it, yes.

Into a camera. Into a camera on jacket while others were watching you. I think you might have said it into a camera. I don't know. I can't say that. I can't. I don't. Like I feel like it's one of those things like when you wear the shirt and they're like,

name the three songs, you know? Like I know like her last three albums. Right. Yeah. But I don't know all of it. I feel like if I was at eras, people would be like, what are you even here for? And I'd be like, you belong with me in 22.

And people would be like, oh, my God, you know. No, I think, I mean, I don't know because I was literally the last row of the stadium, which garners a couple things. It garners probably not the most diehard fans. You know, you could possibly be around. But also, but they were, like, everybody around me for the most part, except for one guy, which I guess I could talk about. But there was just one.

And this kind of really brings me back to, like, my experience. with Barbie, now mics. Because also, like, at the show, sidebar, just so many people wearing the, like, it's me, I'm the husband, they got dragged along to the show, it's me, kind of shirts and stuff, and there was

just so many, like, dudes there that were like, oh, right? And it's just like, you're at, like, one of the best shows on the planet right now. Yeah. Like, don't, and by the way, husband pride aside. No one gives a fuck about your music taste, your

masculinity. No one gives a shit here. We're all here to get this experience. And honestly, all we love is just people leaning into it more. Everybody, though, was like everyone's dressed up. Everyone's like, it's so fun. Yeah. Like, there's so many great, like, one guy was wearing, like, the fries costume from like the, uh, you need to calm down video where, when Taylor Swift, like, hug. Like, there's just so many. No, I actually, I feel like Taylor's fans that actually don't seem, it doesn't seem like a particularly gatekeepy fandom, which is why I do like, I like being like, I've got some songs that I like,

but I don't feel like I need to know the whole catalog in order to say I like some Taylor's Listies. I see rumblings of like, hey, it's, you know, hey, super fans, it's okay for other people to go that like don't know all the lyrics. Like I've seen a couple of tweets like that. I think there's a little bit of that,

but like, for the most part. Not on this show. I don't tell you what. Well, and I, As soon as fearless, the fearless era came on, I realized, like, oh, I don't know any of these lyrics. Like, barely. Like, I know, like, sort of the chorus to you belong to me. It is what it is.

But did you cry when she gave her hat to Kobe Bryant's daughter? I cried the next morning. Because this happened at Holden's show, and the internet went to flame for it because it's notorious that, like, even Kobe Bryant has openly said, like, before his passing, he openly said that, like, he really respect. Taylor Swift. Yeah, they were tight. And so... Even came out on stage to announce, like, with her at the Staples Center show she did years ago during her 1989 era, or 1989 tour.

And was, like, presented this, like, banner for, like, selling out the stadium and stuff. And he's always been a supporter. And it's mainly because, oh, I'm going to get emotional. Because she's always been so good to his kids, you know, before she was, like, Taylor Swift. You know what I mean? So I love that about him in the interview that I did. sent you guys where he's like I'll always fuck with her like yeah she's a mate like she's and I you know

this is the funny thing is everybody has such weird opinions about her music but it's like she has put out consistent insanely consistent like top 10 banger albums like you've got to look at that and be like what is going on here or at least be curious like what is this show like like what could this show be you know what I mean and it is absolutely incredible it's so good I mean just technically just everything and And she gave her truck drivers a $100,000 bonus, which is very cool as well. $55 million in bonuses for people that have worked on the tour. Now, at first, I thought that this was like the, someone that they were talking to said the typical amount is five to $10,000 each.

And she was giving out $100,000 bonuses for people, which is like that's, but also it's really cool because like, you know, everybody knows that she's making millions. every weekend. And the fact that like, and she didn't have to do this. I think that it's a really fucking cool move though. Absolutely. That she's giving so much of what she's making. And it's,

even though people are like, it's just a fraction of what she's making. It's like, yeah, it's so $55 million. That is the internet in a nutshell. You cannot do anything, no matter how like giving and positive and just purely like good it is without getting,

what is, where are we at this point? It's so crazy. I wish I could get rid of social. I wish I could wipe social media for the... I bet if I had a genie and I got three wishes, two would be spent on, like, money and blow jobs or whatever. But the third wish...

Would it really be blowjobs? Or something. I don't know. Like, a... You would never spend that much on... Like, you would never spend a wish on something sexual. Well, it'd be like a blowjob tree or... I don't know what I'd do.

But either way, and then... There's a bunch of fleshlights? Like, what's on the tree? Is it, like, did it's sucking... Sucking monkeys? I haven't... Is it a swallow? Is it a swallow?

Or is it a... Is it a... I really thought it through. I feel like you should be thinking these things through. MJ, do you know your wishes? I feel like you need to know your wishes. This is just in case. What third is you should be to have social media.

When he's like, if I could have one wish, it would be that all the children of the world hold hands and sing in perfect harmony. And then he keeps adding more and more things. And he's like, but actually, if I could have another wish. If I could have another wish. Wait, what was your question to be? Was it about what, do I know my wishes?

No, I don't know my wishes. No, I don't know my wishes. No, I don't know. My wish is that Taylor Swift and Beyonce are somehow in charge of municipal governments. Because also Beyonce, when I saw that Taylor Swift gave this huge bonus to her trucking caravan and everyone was so excited. And then Beyonce, the Beyonce one, at first I was like, Beyonce for president because she paid to keep public transit running so that people could get home from her show, which is cool. She had a big weather delays on her show and still. perform, which is also really cool about both her and

Tay, is that they're both like, come rain or come shine, we're going to do the show. If the show gets delayed really long time, like, we're going to still do the show, which is awesome. And then to double down and say, and because it ran so late, we're going to pay 100K to keep these trains running and get these people home

afterwards is pretty great. To me, it was just a fascinating intersection of like the public sector and the private sector, like, for Beyonce to just be like, no, no, no, I know it's D.C. and the trains literally close at a certain time. Also, it's because of a storm and there is a citywide ordinance that you are supposed to shelter in place, but I am Beyonce and I can make the trains run. And I was like, I think I might

like this rich overlord. Should we start calling her? Yeah, Musionse. I think I might want these like nice, nice rich people to be in charge. I don't know. It's not it's not the best way that the government could run, but they are doing what the government's not doing. And for that, we, you know, we snap. Is that not the closest to being a fairy godperson that you could be? Pretty much. Just like, like, wave a wand with your many, many monies and just say, I make it so. Make the train. And isn't that so crazy to think about that? Or is it that pathetic that I'm almost 36 years old and I'm just like, man, money fixes a lot of problems? I mean, Right, but I think the email, I'll speak for the email to get sent in.

This is all because of how awful our wealth disparity is that like only the people in the top 1% can do anything to help anything. And we all suffer for it though on a day-to-day basis. But the train stayed running for one. That one-time. Ten truck drivers got to put their kids through college. Do I want Beyonce to be in charge of the United States? No, is it better than the current? status quo, yes, you know, that's all I'm saying.

But it is, it is cool. Eventually the goal is to have us all be Beyonce, you know, in terms of wealth and power. And have us all get slicked on our butts and in our fronts with gravy. Did you expect me to say the word gravy? I don't know if you did. The gravy poster. Yes, what did I use as the top billing of the article? So much has happened this week.

We haven't even brought up Lizzie. I know. But I must. discuss. We don't talk about Liz. Oh, no, no, no. We don't talk about Liz. Oh, no, no. But we're going to talk about it for, we are going to talk about it. But first we're going to talk about the gravy-themed coaster called Good Gravy. Now, this, I just want to say thank you to everyone that has sent me this article about Indiana building the first gravy-themed roller coaster. And I also want to give big shoutouts to the damn TikTok that has been trapped in my head that is this beautiful song talking about why there are so many Leo's.

And it's because Thanksgiving with it's like, it's thick floats. It's thick, gravy. And just like talking about all of how sexy Thanksgiving is and how it makes you feel so turned on that you have to have sex. And that's why there are so many Leo's. Now, as two, I'm talking to two parents of Leo's. So is this what it is that you guys get so a horning for Thanksgiving that you just had to make a child? Well, we were specifically trying, but also you got to remember. That's a boring response.

But I think a lot of people got pregnant around the same time and had Leo babies because these were, I don't even want to say Biden babies. I just want to say like Trump is gone babies. Wow, you're right. It was not only Thanksgiving. It was election 2020. This was election 2020. This was, thank God, ding dong, the witch is dead. Now I'm going to put my ding dong and you.

Friends of ours know that, like, their child was actually conceived the night that Biden won. It was right around. I remember we were in a great fucking mood, man. I remember being in a good-ass fucking mood. I totally, totally did not put that together. but that's very, very nice. Because remember in New York, I mean, we were partying on the streets. It was so great.

The vibe was so good. And I'm not sitting here. And our savior Biden, it was literally like, put this old man in. It should have just been called not Trump. Not Trump. That's what. It just was done and over. And we could go back to not being like upset all the time.

Wait a second. We still are. Wait a little. How much less so. Even I have noticed in the shitty family I've had to deal with, like they've even chilled the fuck out just a little bit. Like, he instilled so much weird anger in those people. And they would just so, it was like, you won.

Why are you this mad? You won the thing. Your guys in. Why are you so angry? Make a baby. I can't believe that when he isn't a Thanksgiving baby. She's an election 2020 baby. That's a big reveal.

Pandemic. election 2020. I mean, it was like the first piece of good news we had gotten in how long. Yeah. Because pandemic was... Yeah, that was... It had been pandemic for quite a while at that point. It kind of felt like when Itchy and Scratchy got really bad because of Marge Simpson in that one episode that maybe you've seen at this point, Jackie,

where Marge gets involved in Itchy and Scratchy to make it more educational. And it's so boring that it cuts to the scene of all these kids finally, like, leaving their houses for the first time and, like, walking this light and, like, playing again. For those of me that don't listen to the leftovers, I have been journeying through The Simpsons for the first time. I don't know if we've been talking about it. I love it. I can't believe I haven't talked with you about it yet, Jack. But that's how it felt.

Like, we all, like, walked out of our apartments. And, yeah, we were still wearing masks and we were still, like, worried about stuff. But it had subsided enough, at least to where we were like, we can all be outside and, like, wear masks and, like, party. Like, we can at least do that at this point. And so we all went out. Everyone was partying.

It was so fun. And, yeah, a bunch of nuts. went into a bunch of fucking holes. And a bunch of babies were born. So you weren't, but that was, you didn't have a Biden baby. Yeah, no, Zelda was already around for the, for the Biden baby situation. Remember, she was early. So it was not a Thanksgiving.

Oh, not a Thanksgiving. But, you know, a Hanukkah and Christmas joy baby. Gotcha. A different kind of holiday celebration. Different kind of, well, and what I, to anybody out there who is, nursing and thinking about weaning. Some people have a huge, a lot of people said that they really felt shitty when they weaned. I did not. I felt awesome for approximately one week until I got pregnant again because I did not think I could get pregnant again and I felt so good after

I weaned. I just felt like myself again and then I immediately got pregnant again because it was, it was, you know, the festive Christmas season. Oh, sure. Wait, you were weaning, so we're you ocean man take me by the hand it's wean wean wean the band very cute it is thank you shout out to marcus yes do i still only know ocean man by wean the answer is yes okay but so we got to talk about the gravy coaster but i just want to point out that because of jackie i i never go to delish dot com on my own volition i only go because of the articles that jacky sends Delicious. Delish. A food website where you're going to get all your news about various mayonnaisees, various pickles, various cheese cocktails, right? All the things we like to talk about

here on the show. Because I just look at Delish whether I am, you know, working, if it's not four page seven, I just happen to pull articles if I'm just, because sometimes I just like to see what's going on. Yeah, it's like, you know, I check in on the New York Times throughout the day. Jackie just checks in. Yeah, I look at Delish. Check it on those. And I have maxed out my not. number of free articles on Delish because of Jackie. Oh, my God. Oh, I'm in the same situation.

You have to sign up. All you got to do is sign up. It's only August 8th. What is the mark? Give a dog one margarita. Oh, we'll get to that in a second. Oh, we're giving dogs margaritas. No, no.

First, I still want to just read out. Officials say guests will board a train shaped like a giant gravy boat, which will be pulled backwards uphill before flying towards the station onto cranberry colored track hitting a maximum speed of 37 miles per hour. The train will fly through a giant cranberry jelly can before narrowly avoiding giant kitchen accoutrema, such as 20 foot tall whisk and an 18 foot tall rolling bin. You're really hyping up what seems to be a pretty subpar roller coaster. It's so stupid.

So boring. And I was like, I've done a decent amount of six flags roller coasters. I don't know what the whole, I know every roller coasters. coaster has a story or whatever, but this story seems a little. Why are you saying that with Iyer right now? I guess I wanted to ask you people, have you done a lot more Disney than I? When you're writing a coaster, do you really experience the story as you go through it? Because they're trying to really make me think that I'm going to care that there's a giant whisk.

And I don't think I am. Yeah, no. That's why I'm way more of Six Flags than I am a Disney. Yeah. It's just Raw Coasters. It's just raw coasters. It is just raw dog those coasters. It is just hard coasters you are either laying down or you're standing up and you're definitely going to be scared. And they have all these revolutionary roller coasters.

And I love going to Six Flags, but I am genuinely terrified of like half of the roller coasters at Six Flags. Oh, yeah. Stories are left to Dark Rides. And Dark Rides can still have very much a coaster element. I mean, the most frenetic crazy one that still tells a tale is that Amazing Mummy Returns Ride at Universal. But it is spinning you a yarn the whole time you're on it, but it's very fast. And like, you have to write it a couple times to, like, actually realize what the, you know, it's not even a plot, you know what I mean? But, you know, just to kind of like, I mean, even that Mario Kart ride, though, too,

has like a kind of a through line. You're trying to beat Bowser. Like, it sort of does it. But what happens if I just want to have sex with Bouset? I mean, they have that dark. Are they brother and sister? Dark ride that you can go on. Or can I have sex with both Bowser and Bousette?

Is Bouset? Bousette? Yeah, it's who I want to be. Is that the weird prince that where Princess Peach is kind of like Bowser? I don't even understand the lore of Balset. Yeah, that's the weird one where it's like sort of Princess Peach, but she's Bowser kind of thing. I'll bet she's in Bowser's family. How could she not be?

Is anthropomorphized genderbend version of Super Mario Villain Bowser caused by the effects of the Super Crown Power. up following the creation of the character shortly after the release. So I can have sex with them both. So it is just like Peach puts on a thing that kind of turns her into a weird like Bowser homunculus. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. That's what I want. So you can fuck it.

Long story short. You can fuck it. See, I have to ask these things because like I can't with Wario and Waluigi found that out when Jeff and I went as Wario and Waluigi for Halloween. Everyone's like, your brothers. You can't have sex with each other. But they're not brothers. We looked

it up. There is a official Quora question is Bousette Bowser's wife. What is Quora? We all know. You've got to get your information of Quora. Quora has the details. They don't. Oh, God. Chat GPD is answering the question. I don't want to know what you think. That's scary. Chat GPD. No, close the tab. Could it hear me right now? We're pro-sag after we're blown. Pro the WGA, right? Get your, I'm scared. I'm

scared of the AI. I just scared of it. I just jumped back like I saw a cockroach. I don't want CHAPT to tell me if Boussette is Bowser's wife. What alternate dimensioned it I just walk into. No, man, the dimension where DJ Casper isn't alive anymore. How do we feel about that? Sad. How do you feel, Holden? Yeah, I brought back the cha-cha slide. I mean, I love music. and it's good for many people love the cha-cha slide. How difficult it is for him to be positive. How music makes other people. Hey, a lot of people don't understand my love of Taylor Swift, right?

They think that's it, you know what I mean? And when I go to a wedding and I want to throw up during, but I love his love. When are you puking? Did you puke at my wedding? Do we need to talk about this? No, but somewhere. Did you puke in the cha-ch-s slide play? Adam has a video of us doing it at your wedding somewhere.

Oh, yeah, I got to get a hold of that. That would be good. We should turn it black and white and do like a whole memorial, like to a rest in peace thing. Oh, for D.J. Casper. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, there's a lot of been. I just hope he made a lot of money off of that. I don't know.

I don't think he's worried that he didn't get the correct amount of money for a song that literally gets played at every single wedding block party. Do most people know that it's DJ Casper who sings the cha-cha slide? I don't know. That's the question. I feel like I'd heard the name DJ Casper before. Well, he says it at the top of the song. Right. You know, I have been watching, and unfortunately, this is another time period of this show

that you are going to have to listen to me, talk about a show, and I have to discuss it, and I must discuss it on the main episode, and it's called Deep Fake Love, and I can't believe that it exists. Oh, yeah. I've been watching this reality show. Tell us. And I can't believe that it exists. I've been trying to get any.

one to watch this show. I must talk to someone about the show. But I love because now it's like, and then now hear how this is the most morally bankrupt, uncomfortable, bizarre, strange obsession. Like Jeff, like, cannot be in the same room with it. It's so disturbing. So I love you. You're just like, everyone needs to watch this show. And then you describe essentially like a fucking saw movie plot to us. And we're all like, what? Why do we need to watch? This headline that says, the cruelest show on TV.

Deep fake love goes too far with AI. Oh, it certainly does. You guys, okay, hear me out. Hear me out. Tell us. It is a bunch of couples. They separate the couples into different houses. They fill each house with hot singles that are looking to fuck.

Now, the couples think, oh, we're going to be tested. So that's what they think that this show is. But they don't find out, or at least we are told that they don't know, which at first they don't know, that they know that there are cameras everywhere, but they are brought into this room where you have to, it's an all-white room and you're made to sit in a chair

and behind the other halves of the couples on a big screen is everything like all of the highlights of what your partner is doing in the other house with those singles. But here's the thing. Some of it is AI and some of it is real. so they don't know which clips are AI and which clips aren't. But they know some of it is AI.

They didn't know it first. They thought that it was all real. And then what do they do? They're like, oh, if they're going to do that? Oh, you wait. You wait until I get back in the house. I didn't know. They didn't know there was the possibility that it could be fake.

That totally changes it. That's the whole thing too, is that the entire time they never know if it's real or fake. And the AI looks so good that like, well, if all of these clips are them making out with somebody, one of the clips has to be real. Oh my God. This is a real. Stop the ride. I want to get off situation, Jackie. That's why Jeff straight up was like, I will not watch this with you. This is, I am against this show.

Stop the gravy boat. Stop the gravy boat. I need to get off. Did I not tee this up perfectly? Like, at first you're like, oh, intriguing. And then you're just like, I don't know, Jackie. I mean, of course I'm going to watch it. I'm, you know, evil. That's the thing is, especially when you're evil and, like, I've just been so busy and I've been so anxious. And it's been the only thing that has taken my mind off work because I put it on. And I'm just like, what are you talking about?

And even though, like, here's the thing, even if you think it's all fake, even if you're like, it's all fake, it's all fake, it's all fake. If you're watching your partner make out or like or start to, like, go down on somebody, it lives inside. your fucking brain. Yeah, no matter what. You can't get rid of it, dude. That's awful. And so then what do you do? Wow. And this, like, okay, it's, this is tough too because obviously ever since reality started, you know, 20 years ago when it was really kind of launching off, there's, of course, been like, a lot of, like, you know, moral, uh, hand-wringing about it because it is usually

based on exploiting people and not paying them well. And in fact, um, Nick Thompson from Love is Blind. It has this little mini documentary that people probably saw going around on Instagram and he's like launching. Is that the one that's

almost homeless because he can't get a job because of Love is Blind? Yeah, he says that he can't get a job. There's another person from his same season that are basically trying to unionize reality. They're like, listen, as everyone's talking about

the writer's wages and the actor's wages, let's also talk about how the hourly wage breaks down with reality filming. They talk about how they didn't have access to water. They didn't have any

regular access to food. And so there's this like kind of movement to speak out more about the exploitation for reality. Obviously each new reality show has been the whole thing is it's supposed to be shocking morally. You're supposed to be like, oh, but sometimes the stakes feel very low, like too hot to handle. Oh, you can't have sex.

Oh my God. But like the thing is based on fucking with people's lives. So it's hard to be like, oh, this draws a moral line. But the idea, I feel like, or there's like the TLC realm where it's like based on kind of exploiting people's lives to like the freak show genre of like pointing and laughing at them, which I say because at Jackie's house I watched a lot of extreme sisters on TLC. And so like yes. Extreme sisters. It infests your brain. It is really giving me a framework to relate to my own two children. But it's like,

you know, you know reality is based on ultimately based on exploitation. I still think It's fun. And so I make that little deal with the devil to watch it. But to take it to the next level of like, not only are reality producers fucking with people's lives for entertainment to make money, which is, of course, the whole premise of the whole thing, but using AI to like emotionally sabotage relationships,

there is something about that that feels totally categorically worse than anything that has ever happened on reality shows before. Yeah. And this is coming from someone that finished Milf Manor. Oh, yeah. We have a, the bars on the floor for what we think is morally unconscionable in reality. This is what I'm here for. I love, like, part of this article is as if trash TV is the floor, deep fake love is the basement.

Oh, my God. We are, I mean, aren't we all kind of trying to see, how low can we go? And I am a part of the problem. I'm a huge part of the problem. I am the one keeping these shows afloat, and I apologize. But I can't stop. I agree. I mean, but that's the thing.

Actually, I called for Tuat Handel to be even more morally bankrupt. So this is in the sweet spot of what I like. I just don't know if the deception's the only thing that actually that's the thing that changes my mind. It's only the first episode. But then here's the thing is that they know that every week they're going to have to go and watch this stuff. And they know that their partner is going to have to watch it. And every time they watch and they're like, oh, my God. Does anybody walk?

Does anybody, like, walk out? There's, yes. Okay. Well, and that's another thing that comes up in the little mini-doc that the two had to handle folks made is that you have to, the thing that you sign at the beginning, basically what they're, what they said in that documentary was that they can be held liable up to $50,000 for the costs of damages if they leave early. So, like, you actually literally are like trapped there.

even when you realize. And of course, the whole premise of a lot of the shows now is you don't actually know what show you're signing up for, right? Yes. But that was the thing with this. Honestly, I haven't even finished it

even though all the episodes are out because you really can only watch this is a one episode at a timer. This is like, I can only really handle one episode at a time because I'm just like, Jesus Christ, I'd flip out. But I would never be on a show like this,

but like I would have, I'd have a mentee be. Yeah, I'd have a mentee be. And the thing about the reality stuff that I think is really scary. I think unionizing reality would be so amazing because like I keep thinking, well, aren't people just going to decide not to do this? Like, yeah, everybody signs onto your reality show thinking they're going to become like the next Francesca or whatever, if that's even a good example. But can you imagine if we became the next

Francesca, please and thank you. Like people think that whatever you're going to look shitty on TV, but the cost, the benefit is you become an influencer on Instagram, then you can make a bunch of money that way and, you know, worth it. But like, like, like they will never run out of people. As long as the industry is, is even if it's really shitty, even if it's like really hurting people super obviously, which it has been doing for 20 years, they'll never run out of people who want to do it,

you know, as long as the structure doesn't change. If it's unionized and you have to like, you have to be paid a certain rate or whatever, then it would change. But there's never, I keep thinking people will stop signing up for this at some point, but of course they won't. These people,

the people on the latest season are too out to handle or 20. The youngest guy there was 20. Of course he made it. a stupid decision that's kind of fuck up the rest of his life. That's what you do when you're 20. Because I feel like at that age, you're like, I'll be fine. Yeah.

Even if my heart's broken or I'm embarrassed, that I'll be fine. And I mean, you can be. I guess I should read more about this. I'm confused as to why this guy can't get a job just because he was on love as like. People are a little bit dubious about it. There's also a lot of like blind saying he's a big drunk. Okay, because I barely remember him.

he wasn't like a villain on the show. He was actually a pretty good guy on the show. He was partnered with someone who had pretty serious mental health issues. And his thing after the fact is that she was having panic attacks on set and he didn't know. So he just thought she was acting insane. But like, and he says he can't get a job. A lot of people are like, well, maybe you just can't get a job. But everything, I mean, I think that there's no way that you can deny that like, if you are on a show as famous as love is blind,

it's going to impact your, like, ability to be in public life after that, right? And he said that he's had bosses be like, we just don't want to be associated with you. You know, because a lot of like bad notoriety comes with it being on a, you know, like, he's not super, he's not a breakout star, but he also is like, if you say like I was on love is blind, you know, it's one of the big ones. People know. It's one of the big ones. People know. Sure, for sure. I guess it could also depend on like his line of work. I don't really know what his like.

He's a VP of marketing. Everybody on reality shows is a VP of marketing. They're marketing. What is it? I don't even know what that means. By the way, wouldn't that be good if you were, like, at all known or notable to get you in the door places? Like, I just don't see that. I don't want to, you know, whatever.

I'm not going to, like, not believe it. But it seems a little, I've never heard of this happening for someone. I've only heard of, like, people who deeply regret their words and deeds on the show, having a really hard time with, like, social media and stuff like that. I haven't heard a lot about occupational issues. And it doesn't really make a lot of sense to me that a guy who I vaguely remember from a reality show, it's not like he was the face of the show. It's just odd to me.

You just remember it as creepy eyes. Yeah, I think maybe it's just more that he has creepy eyes. Also, I think that he's trying to use, whether this is not even a value judgment on my part. I think based on, I think he had pre-existing, like, left-ish politics. I think he was honestly trying to use too hot to handle to launch his, own career and I don't think it really worked but also I think that he um wants to use his platform as it exists to advocate for this issue you know what I don't know I don't know about whether again it's easy for me to imagine being like oh love is blind is on your resume like oh

an employer not liking that well don't put maybe don't put it on your resume or if you Google somebody you know you're going to see Nick from love is blind or whatever right but I think that this is actually like a pet project of his to be like, this is an industry based on exploitation, which. Oh, sure. Which, yeah, that's good. And I like advocating for a reunion and everything. I'm just, I'm having a hard time being like, I'm sure you're not walking in everywhere

and they're like, it's not like you're fucking, who's like a, like a, from flavor of love. Like, what's her name? New York. Yeah. Like, if you were New York and you were struggling in your like career that didn't have anything. Wait, why do you think New York should be struggling? I only use her as an example because everyone like knows her, like she would get picked out from a, you know, like she could walk in pretty much anywhere and I think a lot of people, especially back then, would have been like, oh, that's New York. But like this guy's not like, that's that guy.

You know what I mean? Even like Love is Blind has those people on the show, but he's not one of them. I mean, people, obviously, people, so many people have like launched careers from their reality shows. But I think, I was thinking about this the other day, I think aside from Jersey Shore, I think, I think. that Jersey Shore ended up being a net gain for everyone in that cast for their life in a massive way. Like all of their lives are the better for it. That's kind of a one of a kind. I can't think of any other show where being part of a reality show would have a net help for your life aside from the fact that it launched like influencer. You get you, I think it does actually because you

immediately get like 100,000 followers and with 100,000 followers, you officially become an influencer. and at the very least you can get some free swag. You can get some ad payouts. Exactly. And you can maybe even start a business off of it or whatever. Like, you know, Darcy, Stacey with House of Eleven and, you know, all this. I mean, they're like on another level, though. They're like career reality people, right?

Yes. But if you just are on one season of something and you're enough of a standout that people want to like follow you, I think that number drops off. I feel weird. Now, some of the 90-day people I'm still following on Instagram and they've just completed, you know, years and years have passed and they're just living their lives. That's why I stopped following all, any, like, reality, if I, like, if I'm watching reality and I end up looking up somebody on Insta, I've stopped following them because then I feel like

a creep because then I'm just like, wait, what is this person from? Why am I following this person? I know. I'm like, oh, there's, there's some people from too hot to handle. They met three years ago. It was like the two, like, biggest sluts, and they got together, and they're still dating, and I still follow them on Instagram, and I bring it up as if I know them. Oh, are they happy? Are they happy, though? be like, but Gideon, they're still together, and he'll be like, who? Right, right. But is this why we're talking about so that we don't have to talk about Lizzo?

I know, right? We don't talk about it. I do need to move into the Celebrity and Conspiracy. We're actually going way over on this. I just want to say real quick about it. We'll get further into Lizzo in the leftovers. Leftovers is better for hot button issues anyways, because, you know. It's tough on this.

It's tough on the big show because, right, we watch. We want to keep it fun, but also, obviously, this is big news. We can't not talk about it. But also, it's so kind of at the beginning that it's kind of hard to really wait. I find it hard to, I don't really know what to weigh it other than to see what has happened, you know? That's all say at a glance. Like, I'm not going to immediately write her off. I also don't, you know, I think that she's got some splain in to do.

Right. But at the same time, there's been some weird moves happening from the other camp, like doing an interview on TMZ and things like that just, at least. at least go to show that, like, I don't like how social media immediately writes, once or immediately writes someone off based on, like, a headline without actually, like, knowing more information, toxicostrate. But I'm sure there are issues going on here within her camp and the way she treats her dancers and stuff. I can tell that's going on.

But at the same time, I'm so sick of everyone just being like, Luzzo's done, she's over, it's over. Like, I don't think that's true. I think there's new, it sounds like there's nuance in this situation if you actually look into it and that's where I stand as of now. Things could change. Literally this episode's going to come out on the heels of like us

finding out she's legitimately like a child trafficker and I'm just like a fucking idiot. But until then, right now as it stands in the news with the details we have, it's not so cut and dry. And I don't like how we immediately write people off and I don't even want to use the word cancel because she's not

going to be canceled, but how we immediately people out there just being like, your career is over, you're done. I do think maybe she might give off a certain thing that she's not fully behind the scenes. I could definitely see that. I think remembering that these people, even we were talking earlier about how

like Beyonce should be president because she makes the trains red. I think that something like this is just an opportunity to remember that like, right, these people are like bosses and sometimes bosses spoke people over and these people craft their public image, who they are

separate from their public image might be the same, might not. And I feel like that's, those are kind of the thoughts that rattled around as I was reading. Just like, like, just regardless of where things end up, workers should be able to accuse their bosses of bad behavior. We should remember that this is, that these are people and all that, you know, but I, that's, those are kind of my thoughts just like, yeah, people get fucked over at work and this might be something like that, you know, and sometimes we, right.

I don't think about a magic show like Lizzo's as work, you know, but it is people. people's work. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think? Jackie, anything else? Whatever.

Yeah, you're scared to say anything. You're frightened of your own fans. All right, here we go. No, my heart is, my heart hurts. Okay? My heart hurts about it. And I don't know, because I don't know what's real and I don't know what's true yet. I would give it some more time.

It does make my heart hurt. I would give it some more time because, you know what? Also, if she's, you know, I would say maybe it'd be cool if she was like a little more honest about who she, about like, the fact that maybe she is more of, of a diva or not always just this squeaky clean body positivity person that she claims to be. I think if she maybe lean more into that, that might actually be cool. And it sounds like she needs to kind of look at her boundaries with her dancers and like reevaluate how she treats the people who works for her. But we will continue this on the leftovers because it's time for the celebrity conspiracy theory.

Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? This one comes in from Courtney who writes, hey y'all. I think I got a pretty juicy, juice conspiracy that'll blast your nips right off. Does Henry hate Timothy because he's horny for him? Oh! Actor Henry Zabrowski, Wolf of Wall Street,

your pretty face is going to hell. I'm texting Henry, by the way. It's been an heated, one-sided feud with Academy Award nominee Timothy Shalameh for many years now. The Superstore actor has made several public jabs, japs, and jocqueries at Timothy's expense, making his disdain for him quite clear. But why? Several question marks.

Like nine question marks, I think, maybe 10 after that. Why? On an episode of The Last Pocket's Left, sorry I can't remember which, because I smoked too much. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Weed. Henry once stated that he could see himself be with a man sexually and romantically if the man were slender, frail, and dainty. Whoa. Who is famous for being the slenderest, frailest, daintiest man in Hollywood?

Timothy. My guess is that I just want to step in here and point out who's another person that Henry hates who's tiny, frail and dainty, Eddie Redmond. There you go. Whoa. There you go. Wow. My guess is that Henry popped

one too many bones during Dune and they weren't all for the sand or whatever the fuck Dune is about. And his brain is confusing horniness for hatred. Been there or the lady Doth protest too much and every time he has a horny thought for Timothy He has to make a cutting remark about him So no one is the wiser.

Anyway, that's my brain rot for the afternoon. Hope you enjoy XOXO Gossip Girl. Wow. Golf claps all around. Goff claps all around. Yeah, really, I mean, how can I not believe that this is true? It makes so much sense. I believe, too, because I feel like any man that I dated like that could be described in that way,

Henry has always hated. So maybe it's because he was just. You hate what you love. Everyone knows that. Extreme sister brothers. Yeah. Yeah. Extreme sister brothers.

Except we don't touch. And that I think is a big part of extreme sisters is they touch a lot. You don't touch except for when you're walking the VR plank, Jackie. And then you touch the most you've touched in your whole life. I need everybody to know that in that 12-hour sub-a-thon, which definitely check it out, I've got the link for it in my bio on Instagram. If you watch the VR and me being purely terrified and you can see. see me actually physically shaking. I was so scared. And Henry held me as I walked to the

plank in the yard. It was like Jack and Kate and Titanic, you guys. If you love the Zabrosky relationship, you have to watch the part of the VR simulation in the 12 hour sub-athon that we did because Jackie, first of all, it looks like they're all standing in the sky because it was Sina set it up. It looked so good so that you could see Jackie like standing in a green room. And then you could also see Jackie, like, standing on a plank in the sky. And she was so scared, she wouldn't do it without Henry's help. So Henry flew through the air to her and held on to her arms. And he's literally standing behind her holding her like Jack holds Kate in Titanic. Both ends. And I'm literally going, if you let go, I swear to God, like,

it's not going to be funny. I'm not, I'm not joking, Henry. You cannot let go with me. And he's just like, okay, I won't, I won't, I won't. And I gripped him. And that is the most, I have ever touched Henry in my entire life. Yeah, and it was all worth it. It was very... It was all worth it. I was, my face was covered in tears from laughing so hard. And, you know, I was proud of Henry

because I could tell that he really knew that you needed help. It was a real desperate moment, and he did not fuck with you. He did not fuck with you. No, he didn't fuck with me. That was, that's a good big brother right there. When you know the difference between like, I'm going to fuck with her or I'm not like, I was not playing around.

I was genuinely very scared. Anyway, sorry. Not to go off on that tangent, it's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Me. You got to have that list. Inscrutable celebrity claims and humble brags. Will Chamberlain claimed he slept with 20,000 women.

In his biography, he claimed to have been intimate with about 20,000 women. If you do the math, it would mean that from 15 years old to the time of the claim, he would have slept with 10 different women per week every year. Wee. It seems high. I don't understand people who keep count is weird to me. I know basketball players fuck a lot. For sure. They have all the options

for the rejoin that you could possibly have. You know what I mean? Women just throwing themselves at these guys. I mean, it is disgusting. And if you're out there, shame on you. You know what I mean? I am at slut shaming right now. That is what I'm doing.

Everybody's smiling. Everybody's consenting. I say jump on it. Jump on it. John Bown it. I don't see how this is actually possible, but I'm sure he has had sex with thousands of women, I'm sure. But it's inconceivable to me. It's really inconceivable to me. I bet he had a couple of many great weeks where he did get 10 in.

But I think that he probably did some math and was like, I had a couple of years there where I was sleeping with 10 people a week. But I don't think you keep that up for, I mean, how many decades are we talking about? Some people, though, some people have such insane sex. drives, though. I just, it's, I'm a two-hand man, you know what I mean? Enough partners to fill two hands. We've talked about this before. Two-hand man. I think I'm more than two hands, though. I said that. Yeah, I'm at least three to four hands, I think. Are you three to four hands? Penis, it fully in vagina or just, what are we defining? I mean, it depends, it depends on your own definition of intimacy. Oh, well, then, yeah, definitely then 15 to 20 for sure. If you just said you don't understand people who keep a count. And this is at least the second time you've mentioned your own count on page.

forced to count and I still have no idea. It really might be too. I have no idea. I really couldn't tell you. But I like to believe I'm at least four hands. Between two and four hands.

But as soon as I start counting in my head, I go, ew, and then I stop. Yeah, I think that's here. There's a lot of things that a lot of celebrities would like to believe, like Mark Wahlberg claimed he would have stopped 9-11. He says, if I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have

went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin, and then me saying, okay, we're going to land somewhere safely. Don't worry. He later apologized for the statement. I'm offended, and I don't even get offended by shit like that. I feel like it's so kind of hurtful. It's such a horrible thing to say.

Jesus Christ, Mark Womber. You know, they say you get arrested, like, you get arrested of element or like you stay the same age that you got famous. He got famous very young. Those are the kinds of thoughts I had in high school. Like, yeah, I'd have beat that bully up good if he had done that to me. You know what I mean? You fantasize about how you would disarm the murderer and like, and then in the actual

situation, you will probably get killed doing that. So don't do that. It's just also like, dude, have the self-awareness to realize you are literally talking about like the one thing that most people in the United States get really upset about really easily. Really genuinely upset about. Please don't do this. Well, this is upsetting in a different one.

way. Snooky claimed that kitty litter was the best exfoliant. She told Conan O'Brien that the most effective and inexpensive expoliant she found is actually unused kiddie litter. I'm glad that she said, oh, I was going to say, I agree with her, but. I would not believe it. I mean, I've heard zany or shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, I've heard zany or shit out of Jessica Simpson's mouth. Jessica Simpson claimed that Texans don't get anorexia. She said, I'm not anorexia. I'm from Texas.

Are there people from Texas who are anorexic? I've never heard of one, and that includes me. She's definitely been mired with eating disorders. There's been a lot of discussion. Yeah. Also made fun of frequently for how she doesn't know things and understand things. Yeah. Chicken of the sea.

We all remember chicken of the sea. She got done dirty by Nick Lechay. She did get done dirty. She did get done dirty, but that is quite a thing to say. That's something you shouldn't. Or, you know, be like Courtney Love, and Courtney Love claimed that crack made her better at calculus. She said, the strange thing is, while the crack screwed me up in a lot of ways, it improved me in certain others. I've never been good with numbers, but when I was on crack, I could do math really, really well.

I became a fucking whiz at calculus. I just want to know more on that. Like, how are you practicing calculus? Like, what do you mean? I don't know. You're like working through worksheets or something? I'm ready to believe her. You know, like, obviously drugs open up different parts of the mind.

I want to hear, yeah, I agree. I want to hear more. I wouldn't be shocked, but it just doesn't seem like who has, like, calculus textbooks lying around. That's the thing. I couldn't even, even, even if I wanted to do calculus on crack. I think that I couldn't even start. Where would you go?

I have no idea. I don't know where to start. Is that, like, in my head, I'm like, X plus. I'm like, I think that's algebra. I don't even know if that's calculus. I don't remember which one's witch at this point. I know geometry is shapes. I tried very hard.

That's all I know. I avoided calculus with every ounce of fiber I had in my body, and I succeeded. And I went to Calc 4, and I still have no idea. You went to CalC 4? I dropped out of Calc 4, which is why I couldn't become a meteorology major. Anyway, Bobby Brown claimed he had sex with a ghost in a haunted mansion. In his memoir, every little step he wrote, One memorable night, one of the ghosts descended from the ceiling and had sex.

with me. After you stop laughing, I need you to hear what I'm saying because I'm not making this up. He made sure to specify that he wasn't on drugs. Doesn't he notoriously, didn't he do a lot of drugs? Famous for the antirexia. Famous for a couple of reasons. Yeah, this is tough. A couple of bad things. We don't want to cheer for, I think, most things. We don't talk about Bob. No, but Jackie does want to fuck a ghost. How do you feel, Jack? I do one of a ghost.

Yeah. So that is definitely something that I'm intrigued. I don't want to talk to him about it, but I am intrigued by the fact that there were no drugs involved. Yeah. Because I would think that there might be a couple of drugs involved. I think there was probably at least a drug involved. Yeah, got to be at least a drug involved. And last but not least, James Blunt claimed that he personally prevented World War III.

He said that when he was in the British Army, an airfield had been taken by Russian forces, and he was ordered to destroy the Russians and take the runway. He refused, prevented a world war, and was later thanked by his superiors. Wow. All right. Did it, though? Did it? Oh, my God.

Did that happen? I can't see the list anymore. I think I'm going blind. Ones. Oh, we can't see them. This married former A-list boybander is hooking up with a singer lower on the list. Justin Timberlake. And do you know the singer?

Lower on the list. She was big back when he was in a boy band. She wants to fly away. Nelly Furtado? Yes. She's like a bird. Recently there was a cute article about how Timberlake and Timberlin face-timed Nellie Furtado from the recording studio. But maybe there's actually sex on the menu is what I wrote.

Oh, sex on the menu. They did the track Give It to Me back in 2007. Interesting. Yeah, pretty fun. Interesting. This former A-List reality star who was really hated, now beloved, has proof she used to hang out with the royal sons. She talked about it a lot. She also says she slept with one of them, but no one knows which one.

Is she saving it for a new book? Kim. No. Same fam? No. But reality. Got famous a little before and was like a punchline for a long time and now we like respect her. She was a punchline and now we respect her.

Yeah. And it's not Jessica Simpson. No. Brittany? But in this same camp, same era. Same time. Not Brittany? Not Britney.

Lilo. No. Amanda Binds. Who's mostly known for just reality and then spinning that into stuff? Rich family. Paris Hilton. Yes. Which, and the royal, I mean, which royal, you know.

I mean, the one that's in my head. You can't take it away from me, all right? I know that like the whole Megan Markle, everything, it's really like tamper's down on how sexy Prince Harry is. Yeah. But it's still, I'm still, in my brain, it's still back in the want to marry Harry days. Yeah, yeah, totally. And that's what I'll always see inside of my brain.

And Hilton and Harry, I would watch that dead-eyed tape. I would watch. that tape. Hopefully it happened in a hot tub. I bet it was very lethargic though. As long as they are both, you know, consenting. Please let me watch the tape. I'll just watch clips of it. I'll watch the highlights. Was she the old lady he fucked behind the pub to lose his virginity? Yeah. She was, oh, she was 26. All right, here we go. Last one. I don't know why this blogger and this singer slash sometime actress are continuing their fake feud after a full decade. Maybe they're doing it to, to intentionally rile up her fans. Who knows? But her team directly called him to have him announce the news that she's doing another Vegas residency

before the news leaked out. He's acting like she'll kick him out of the venue if he attends, which she probably won't. They're both so weird. Perez-Hilton? Yes. Perez Hilton is the blogger. The feud is with him and someone who just announced another Las Vegas residency.

It is her return. Kelly Clarkson? To Vegas. No, but she's great. Adel. Did we talk about the? She's already Not Adele, no

She is And a lot of Actually has done quite a bit of acting And has made that kind of her new thing But does it end Digga She does me I didn't realize that she was doing her residency

Chagooly Yeah Lady Gaga's returning with her Like jazz standard show She's doing like a line of shows And Prestil Hilton did put up this video that is so, like, dated and weird and so Perez Hilton of him being, like, so happy that he's, like, ruining this announcement and spoiling this announcement before it. And it's so

eye-roly and dumb. But, yeah, so, yeah, Perez Hilton exists still, and he's so whatever, and he not long ago. Yeah, talk about something that didn't age. Or, like, it was so productive its time, you know, we talked a lot. He so didn't aid. Well, he is the cultivator of the thing that we say was, like, the worst thing. Right. thing going on during that time. Like he was the number one guy behind our lack of respect for other people's mental health,

our... The cruelty. It was just like a time of like... Slabities are celebrities. They deserve to be mocked and ridiculed by us, the plebes. You know what I mean? And yada, yada, yada. And he was so awful because he leaned into the fame as soon as he got it. Like he was so excited to, you know,

be a part of the whole thing that he seemingly had such disdain for. But Apparently the two were tight for a couple of years, starting in 2008. A riff formed when he did an interview with Lady Gaga, and he got very, like, rude and negative towards her more recent music. I think it was born this way. And he was just kind of grilling her in this way that was very Perez Hilton. And I think it was one of those where, like, after the cameras were off, he was like, yeah,

that's my thing. I'm Perez Hilton. Like, we're still friends. I love you. But, like, come on. That's my, you know, and she was like, no, we're not doing that. And so that's where it kind of started. but I believe also that this is all

bullshit and planned. I can totally believe that as well. But anyways, there's the blinds. We did it. We did it. Welcome back. Speed blinds. That was great.

Yeah, immediately. I gave you that last one with elephant shit to the jungle. But I was like, what clue do you give that doesn't immediately give away Lady Gaga? Like, how do you give a club? I was like, she's got, she's a monster. You know what I mean? Or whatever.

All right, there you have it. There's the blinds. you, Holden, and thank you, MJ. Welcome back to the world of the seeing. And thank you guys so much for joining us for this week's episode of page seven. And I feel like you didn't give enough props to my Miao Musonse joke earlier, which was perfect. It was the perfect mixture of history. So, okay, maybe I don't know about Oppenheimer.

But I can make a Mussolini makes the trains run on time joke, okay? My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram of Jack That Worm. You can come and see me whatever you want because I'm right here and you can come and find me absolutely whenever. Is that a scary thing to say? Yes. I love it. It should be.

And don't forget that we are still having more tour dates last podcast network.com. Get your tickets for the release the butthole cut tour because mama, I'm coming home. And yeah, we are going to be performing into Florida. And yeah, my family's going to be. Oh, my God. Also, check us out if you'd like to get pre-sale codes for that. Actually, I think they've already gone out for these. Yeah, these are fully on sale. But whatever. In the future, you get pre-sale codes. Also, weekly bonus content for just $5 a month. So much weekly bonus content. I had someone recently write in and say,

what we offer on our Patreon as a person who is subscribed to a bunch of patrons is beyond by far the amount of content that most like podcasts and stuff give out, which is really cool to see. And I believe it. We put out a lot of stuff for. just $5 a month. Also, for $10 a month, you can join us for our Jersey Shore watch-alongs over on our Discord. That's all on Patreon, patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Check me out Monday through Friday, Twitch.tv. forward slash Holdenatorsho, especially Fridays. The jack-in with the holdies stream is amazing and only getting more and more hype as the weeks have

gone on. I've been seeing a nice bump in the numbers of people coming out, showing up. We're trying to put on the best stream we can put on. Twitch.tv.tv. slash Holdenatorsho every Friday 6 p.m. E.T. MJ? My name is MJ and I'm MJ KL Kat on Instagram.

Time for the song. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're gonna read them to you. Come on. Whoa, strap on your wend.

wet suits and get ready to dive. It's time for the shoutouts, y'all. And we've got a couple of weeks of shoutouts. So it is time to give some love to our community. And you can send in your own shoutouts to page 7podcast at gmail.com. That is page 7podcast at gmail.com. And I will get to yo. Shoutouts. Just want to say thank you guys so much for sending in the shoutouts that you did. And I'm ready to dive. If you guys are ready to dive, if you guys are. ready to get wet with me because we are starting this out with a thick old triple shout out from Ashley. Ashley says first to Holden. On episode 502, your rant about people who are calling the Barbie movie Woke was amazingly worded. In about 20 seconds, you completely dismantled

their whole argument and pointed out that it's them who are the snowflakes for freaking out about everything that isn't even for them. Thank you for being such an advocate for women. we need more men in the world like you. I can't believe it. No one's ever said it to Holden ever. I'm just making a JK. Thank you so much, Ashley. Ashley continues on.

And the second shout out to myself. At 19 years old, I entered a work industry that is incredibly male-dominated. I hear you. I put up with male customers who would ask me ridiculous questions to test my knowledge, male colleagues who would point out the days when I looked pretty, and consistently being the only female in a room, having the men talk over me. I'm now 37 and last week I was promoted to national network development manager. My dream job. I honestly believed I had to be smarter, network better,

and work harder to get here. So shout out to me. Is it fair? No. But did I do it? Yes. My first project is creating a program to help bring in more young women into my industry. I want to create a space where they can share their struggles, their ideas, and their ambitions. And lastly, a shout out to my sister, Lauren. She's the most amazing person I know. She gave birth to my four gorgeous niblings, single-handedly created a party business empire, and somehow still finds the time to support me when I need her.

I've watched her escape from an abusive relationship and have to live in a women's shelter, and to see where she is now is such an achievement. Her strength gives me strength. Thank you so much for making my long work days go faster, sending huge love from Australia. Love you so much, Ashley. Thank you so much for writing in.

Now, continuing on to Mills. And Mills, oh, I feel you. Mills says, I'm sure you will have touched in the very devastating passing of Paul Rubens this week, which I know saddens you the same way it saddens me. But if you don't mind, I wanted to add my little shout out to because this celebrity death has hit me harder than any. The VHS box sets of Pee Wee's Playhouse were on repeat in my house growing up.

But truly, it's not just that Peewee was a touch. childhood favorite. My mom and I have never been close, and our relationship was tumultuous in my teen years and early 20s, and now we're further apart than ever, rarely speaking, except on holidays. Pee-wee was my one way to connect with my mom, especially on birthdays where I'd do things like make her pee-wee and cherry figures out of Sculpti, or much later when I got her tickets to see the 35th anniversary of the movie. Sadly, we didn't get to see it because of COVID, but I loved hearing your time seeing it. Today, I first heard the sad news and a text from my mom, to which I replied, this sucks, and it does. But at the same time, as I sit here watching Big Adventure while I eat my

pancake face and cry into my ice cream soup, I know we'll always have pee-wee, even if we don't always have each other. So this shout-out is to Paul Rubens and the character he created that will transcend generations. One day when I have kids, I'll be able to share pee-wee too and hope to connect on more things besides. And shout out to you. Thanks, Mills. Thank you all for putting out the pop history episode you did on Paul Rubin slash peewee. It's so good to hear other people speak with the same admiration as I do about him and they learn so much. Keep doing exactly what you're doing. Your enjoyable is to do every week. Thank you so much, Mills. And I said so much love your way. And I'm also sending love to Missy as well.

Missy says, I'm doing a self-shout. Hell yeah. because it's been a shit year, but I'm still growing stronger every second. I have extreme anxiety and depression that I've dealt with since I was 17. I'm now 28. I was in a toxic relationship with a narcissist for about three years. Everything was an absolute dream. At first, but slowly he started showing me his true self little by little. I truly loved this person, which makes the fact that he named called,

manipulated, isolated, and took everything good about me and made it dirty even more difficult to deal with. I felt helpless. He was a soul sucker, and yet I still loved him somehow. I couldn't even break up with him. He said he wouldn't let me. Until I finally had to get the cops involved

and finally got him out of my apartment in January. Congratulations! I was trauma-bonded to him, and it sucks. But it was a celebration of my resiliency when I got out of that relationship. So as a fuck you, I decided to move to Colorado and just start a new journey far away from him. Hell yeah.

I can't tell you how proud I am of myself for moving from Buffalo to Aspen. But two weeks after I moved, I got the news my father passed away. I flew back and I just felt so guilty that I wasn't home with my family through all of it. He struggled with alcoholism for 10 years and never loved himself enough to get help. Watching him slowly kill himself with alcohol was heart-wrenching. We could never change him. Unfortunately, it got the best of him. Irregardless, I wasn't going to give up living my best life in Colorado.

I got an awesome serving job, have a supportive and healthy new relationship, live in a beautiful ski town, have a sweet puppy, and my new baby niece was just born two days ago, congratulations. Life can be shit, but it can also be beautiful. Fuck the haters, fuck alcoholism, and fuck not taking chances. Don't let narcissists take your light away. I love you guys. I've been listening since about 2017. I love you too, Missy, and thank you so much for sharing your struggle, and I hope that

this inspires someone else to make the difficult decisions. Believe me, I know those difficult decisions are difficult, but you can fucking do it. And I'm so proud of you, Missy, and I'm also, thank you so much for writing in. Now, we've got another great self-shout. This comes in from Logan. Logan says, I felt like I deserve a self-shout. I have had a rough few years for a lot of reasons. I don't want to get into the details, but one of the things that helped me get through is listening to page seven. I've been living with my parents after I got evicted from my apartment, lost my job, and my friends. It just felt like everything was going wrong in my life last year. But I kept on pushing through, and I'm proud of myself. I've got a new job last year,

and I've been busting my ass to get back into gear. It was a lot of hard work, but it paid off because I am getting a huge promotion. Before I end this, I also was wanting to get a birthday shout out for myself on August 31st. birthday, Logan, it's almost your birthday. And congratulations for working your ass off. It's so fucking difficult. And especially when things are looking so dark, it's so hard to see the light. And thank you for sharing yours.

Now, Katie, thank you so much for also sending in your shout-out. Katie says, I've been a listener of page seven since almost day one. And I just wanted to thank you so much for making such a safe space on the internet to escape two once a week. I've always wanted to write in a shout out, but I never felt there was enough to shout myself out for. But today I said fuck it and wanted to celebrate where I'm at. As of the end of this month, I am celebrating being completely debt-free. I moved out eight years ago after my parents formalized the adoption of my now sisters. There were seven of us in a three-bedroom townhouse, and they were leaving an abusive situation. I made the choice to leave, even though I had no money,

so that they had a little more room to thrive. Needless to say, working full-time minimum wage wasn't enough, and I amassed would seem like a mountain of debt. I just couldn't get out from it. But with the support of my partner and some truly incredible friends, I was able to get by. Flash forward to eight years later, I am in an amazing job that I love,

and making way more money than I ever thought possible. I came out as queer, and I am able to spend my free time volunteering with Planned Parenthood, offering peer sexual health counseling. I can help my parents with their expenses, go on trips, and foster furry friends like I've always dreamed. I still can't believe how far I've come. Page 7 has been a part of my journey every step of the way,

and I just want to thank you all so much. Thank you, Katie. Thank you to MJ for being so open with their experience with gender, parenthood, and life, and for making this one hour a week a safe space to explore in my own journey. To Jackie for being the horniest, hot as motherfucker on the planet. and in loving it. Thank you. I try to channel you both on my hard days and my great ones. And not to forget Holden, I also channel Gronky, but exclusively when listening to T. Swift,

they go hand in hand for me now. Love Katie, and we love you too, Katie. Thank you so much for sharing and congratulations, babe. Now, we've got another great shout-up, but this goes out to, we've got a fiance shout-out. Justin says, I'm Justin, a long-standing fan of last podcast network. I wanted to give a big shout out to my now fiancee, Leanna, who, as soon as she found podcasting, found page seven, and was instantly hooked. You guys were the reason she fell in love with podcasts. Jackie, a woman who deserves to be named, Hot Dog Queen of the World, thank you. MJ is the bringer of peace and the chaos of their co-host and Holden. And Holden, the scaly bringer of chaos. Grunky anyone? We just got engaged. Congratulations.

So I wanted to give her a big shout out showing my love, especially with all the people on her favorite podcast. Hip, hip, hooray for Justin and Leanna. Congratulations. And now it starts, oh, the fun part of planning the wedding. But you know what it is? It is the fun part. Plan it for you. Do it for you.

Do as much as you can for you. And for fucking nobody else. One big tip for you. Love you guys so much. And now we've got a shout out. Oh, we've got a best friend shout out from me. Sam. Sam says, my best friend in the entire world, Amber, is turning 34 on August 14th, and I wanted to give her a shout out on one of our favorite podcasts from one of our favorite people. Oh my God. I mean, it's, I'm glad that it's not on my birthday, but you do share a birthday with Winnie, Amber, which is very, very special. And I'm glad we don't share a birthday because we would have to share it. And right now, Winnie's a baby, so we don't have to worry about you sharing her birthday. So happy birthday. It's all yours. Sam says, we love you. We love you. We love you. We love you. We love you. We love you're Love you and the whole LPN gang.

We have been friends for 22 years, and we're even next door neighbors now. She has been with me through everything good and bad in life since we were 12 years old, and I can't imagine doing it without her. You are really the best friend anyone could have ever asked for. Happy birthday, M. Babs, I love you, your bestie, Sam. And last, but not least, and I just want to say thank you again. so much for you guys sending in your shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com. This shout out goes out to Brandon.

Brandon says, I just wanted to shout you out in all of the LPN network. I've been going through a rough time the past couple of months, but you guys have been right there in my ear helping me keep going and pushing through. Congratulations, babe. Page seven has been a great stress release during these weird times we are living in today, and it's so nice to have some ear friends talking out today's headlines. You and MJ also got me horribly hooked on Milf Manor, and I have nobody to talk to about my feelings on it. If you ever do a show, please let the people know.

We will definitely let you know. Hopefully we'll be doing more reality talk soon with MJ because I'm trying to force them to watch more reality television. And also, Brandon, I need you to know, y'all looked fire at the Beyonce concert. You looked like wrestlers from the future that were about to have sex. And if that's not the huge compliment I've ever given, I don't know what is, Brandon. So much love goes out to you. And I'm so glad you guys had a blast. And thank you guys again so much for sending in your shoutouts.

Again, to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Just knowing that you guys are here with me every week makes me feel so good. And I just want to shout you all out. Love you all so much. We'll be back next week for my birthday episode. See you soon. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.