Page 7 - Ep. 504: SHE Has Risen

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

This week Holden and MJ learn IT'S JACKIE'S PARTY AND SHE CAN DIVE INTO THE LYRICS OF IT'S MY PARTY IF SHE WANTS TOO, MJ notices a lack of cat fights in recent trash reality, Holden proves to everyone he's Feminist AF (TM), Jackie's PANTSIN' IT UP?!, More Gaylor evidence, Jackie allows Holden to mention Wynnie has a birthday near her, Holden pitches a series of anti aging treatments for babies, Holden lays out a new offer to anyone out there with Eras tickets, Atlanta wins Beyonce's Everybody On Mute Challenge, Taryn Manning lets everyone know she's been rimming a married man (and buying him a boat), and in Celeb Conspiracy Corner: Was Riverdale Written By Canadian Artificial Intelligence In Order To Destabilize the US??, A "hilarious" List filled with Celebrity Puns, Blindzzzz and SHOUTZ! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's time for more. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present. Release the Butthole Cut Tour coming to you in September and October. Where are we heading in September, Jackie? We're going on September 12th. We're going to Nashville. We're going on September 13th to Atlanta, Georgia. And then I'll go back to my hometown, September 14th of Tampa, Florida. In October, October 3rd, we're going to be in Detroit, Michigan.

October 4th, we're going to be in Columbus. And October 5th, we're going to be in Pittsburgh. Page 7 and Wizard the Bruiser Brazil Released the Butthole Cut Tour. You can find tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com, baby. Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone. But Judy left the same time. Why was he holding her hand

when he's supposed to be? It's my bad. I want to. And you would cry too. If it happened to you, I was just sitting here reading through the lyrics. It's my party. It's so sad.

She's straight up. She is going steady with this dude named Johnny. It is her birthday party. He leaves with this bitch named Judy. And this whole, through her party, she's like, keep dancing, everybody. I'm saving my dances for Johnny. And then at the end of the fucking party, who comes in? But Judy and Johnny, like a queen with her king,

Oh, what a birthday. surprise, Judy's wearing his ring. Wow. How fast it happened. Man, what? The ball's on Johnny, dude. Man, and the snake in the grass, Judy. What a snake. At her own birthday.

Johnny. Wait, wait, but also, immediately pulling the, the, we've learned with time, Jackie. This is more Johnny than Judy. Oh, no, it's definitely Johnny. But also, Judy, if Judy was aware of the fact that she's at the bitches, party. Are we talking about Lizzo right now? I'm getting confused. There is so much, by the way, I have been so struck on reality now how much. I feel like there was like a meeting for everyone on reality to be like, okay, women stop blaming each other

because, you know, feminism. Now everybody blame the man. And so now on reality shows, women don't like cat fight with you or at least I'm speaking about the recent season of two They turn on the man. They unite together to turn on the man. And do we call it progress? Maybe we do. We could. We could. Turn on the man, Judy. Maybe we do turn on the man. Indeed. I've been trying to get people to turn on the man for quite some time now. And I'm just happy to join my fellow womankind. Is that why you are the way you are? I'm just trying to get me to just like to just jump at you. I'm an ally, guys. See, this makes a lot more sense. An ally McNeely.

Oh, yeah. Yes. I'm a giant fucking ally, okay? As is evidenced by my feministist's fuck t-shirt, which I'm wearing right now. Take it off. I want you to sit there without a shirt on for the rest of the episode. I think... Now who's being the list of.

I think pussy havers are and non-pussy havers that feel they are, that are also women, are all equal in the eyes of... So really what it is... In an understanding of... So what you're saying is that it's vulvas that have the power actually, literally. There you go. I mean, what I just want to say is like I just feel like it's been really tough for y'all, whatever. You know what you mean?

Jackie. He's staring me dead in the face and I've never been more uncomfortable in my life. I'd rather be the person at the party looking at Johnny leaving with Judy. Holden. I've never gotten to be. Have you gotten to be the other woman or man? I've never gotten to be it. Oh, are we talking about past mistakes today?

Oh, is it my birthday? As an ally, Holden, do you want to be the first to wish Jackie? Happy birthday? Happy birthday from all of the feminists. I will speak for them all. So there you go. The feminist community coming out really big for Jackie. Yes, I speak for all of them.

I like to be a voice for the boys. for the voiceless. Everyone's like, we have a voice. Holden's like, shush, shush, shush, shish, shish, shish. I got this. I see, feminism is when women get real mad. This is my birthday gift right here. You didn't have to get me the gift that you got, which was very cute. Holden got me a hot dog plushy for my birthday, and it was very, very cute.

I will say, though, first of all, malls are back, which is hype. But second of all, the mall that I was back to. What are you? Hello, fellow kids. Are you the mean right now? Maybe I am a hell of fellow kids. Which is hype. The witch is hype.

Get your ass back to the mall. Leave your fight. Look. Yeah, actually, let me talk to the fellow kids right now. Fellow kids, if you go to the mall, you can just like kill time in air conditioning. There's just bullshit. Also, you might run into that person you got a big crush on. You never know.

I think malls are still in, bro. Where have you been? What are you talking about? They went away like great. They're back now. They're back. But I'm saying like they're back. Like, the youths are.

in the malls. Yes, it's awesome. I was very disappointed, though, because I really kind of wanted to get Jackie a, like, I wanted the hot, they didn't have a hot topic. I was hoping for a Twilight T-shirt or, I mean, at this point, there's probably fairy fuckbook t-shirts in the hot topic, I would assume.

Or like a chain pants. You know what I mean? Pants with the chains. My God, Jinkos, can you imagine, Holden? Speaking of, you know, you being an ally for me, I would love to see you try to pick out what size pants I wear. Yeah. And then go through, like, have you ever bought pants for Lexi?

No. Isn't that just like the worst? Can you imagine? Can you imagine buying pants for another person? Like, that is the scariest thing you could ever do. That made my heart tense. Right? Just I'm thinking about because like, no matter what you do, you're fucked.

Yeah, yeah. There's no good actions. Even if you get it spot on, you're still kind of like, oh yeah oh you paying attention to what size i've never bought a woman it feels like so not my place i've never bought a woman clothing oh oh i guess that's not true i got like but she you have to pick it out and fucking the sizing and everything jeff buys me shirts Jeff buys me shoes I feel like those are great that's good like knowing the size of your shoes sure yes I get that and he's a fashion man and he's very good at yeah he's a fashion man he's a fashion man

He's very good at what he gets me. So I'm very, very into it. It's just specifically pants that are just, man, that is, I don't, I get scared buying my own pants. That's the thing. I don't know. It is a hero's journey trying to figure out pants that fit. But you're, you're being Mr. Pants over here, but dude, I've never, I literally saw you in Pants for the first time since I've known you fucking a month ago. I'm new to pants.

Yeah, it's true. You don't wear pants. That's how, that's the trick hold of them. I'm new to pants. you to buy her pants. The trick is you have to know her well enough that she doesn't wear pants. So you don't buy her.

Yeah, what I would buy her, I would commit her to a mental assault. I'd be like, she's lost her mind. I'm like, this is the real gift she needs. She needs some time away. No, I'm just trying a new version of me. I love that. And the new version of me wears pants, okay?

But how crazy is that, people listening? I've known, how long have I fucking known, Jackie, since college? Maybe you wore, I think you might have wore pants in college. I wore pants to work all the time. A little bit. Well, shorts. I always wore shorts with tight shorts.

I've never seen you in shorts. I've seen you in shorts. Never seen you in pants. But pants really are not your thing. But also you said it there too to go to work. I'm talking about like at a party. Like at a, you made a conscious choice. The shorts were literally just like just something you had to slip on in the dead of night or whatever

because you fucking stayed up all night. You know what I mean? Yeah, like a raccoon. All the cum drippings on your, um, dress from the night before, you know, made it that impossible to put where... Just leave me in the trash can. She's like, what, do you got these shorts? This disgusting, whoever this disgusting man is just like,

I got shorts. I got shorts. Ugh. Just the reminiscing game, especially on your birthday of just thinking, I think of the party bus birthday and how different that birthday is from my current birthday today. Very, very different from how I live my life now. That party bus is so funny. has heard me grow up on these shows. And, I mean, we saw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles last night

for my birthday eve with even like at a time where there's a bunch of like young people in the movie theater. So that's, um, that's what I'm swinging at now. Ooh, going to see a movie on a Monday. I love it. What? It's time. I mean, come on. We're being, you know, I feel the same way. I don't want to. I just talked about pants for minutes. Yeah. I don't want it to do. Let's upholster. something or something. You know what I mean? That's where we're at right now. Oh, like in trading spaces. Yeah. We remember all you need is PVC

pipe. Remember that? That show on TLC and they all, like in my brain I was like, I could a post or anything. All you need is PVC pipe. And that's just simply not the case. Yeah. Right. That's not true. Yeah. You just put a PVC pipe back there. You just put

a big piece of fabric and put some PVC pipe down there. It'll stay. It's going to blow. It's on there. All right, I'm a gala now. That's the real birthday surprise. This is this is a birthday surprise. It's an early, it's an early surprise for Holden's birthday. It's a very early surprise for your birthday.

You know what? I'm going to say I'm giving it to Winnie for her birthday. Happy birthday, Winnie. Thank you. I was afraid to mention my own daughter's name. You shouldn't be scared. It is my birthday today. So usually it is illegal to mention another Leo's birthday.

in front of them on their birthday. Yeah, yeah, you get cursed for nine months and you have another child. The fact that I am a galer is Winnie's birthday present, and you can let her know that. There you go. I will let her know that. Oh, I put on Never Grow Up last night,

the song that always makes you cry off of speak now, and just Winnie's is why she's two. She's two. I can't believe she's two. Two's crazy, you know what I mean? And she's already like, we got her some good anti-aging creams for her birthday. I was about to say she's looking a little, ooh.

Yeah, I got the serum. Let's get her some of that baby talks. I'm like, are you going to Cancun with us? What is going on? Because those bags under your eyes are just over the weight limit. Ally, Holden McKee. He's an ally to Jackie. I actually like the idea that he's an ally just about how to make Jackie feel better,

which I think might be true, actually. He's like a Jackie ally. That I will give him. But it's great. In Beverly Hills, they just started Bay Tox. And so Botox for babies And I'm so excited to take her We're going to take her

It's a thousand dollars of a needle poke So we can only give her a few needlepokes But we'll pretend like it's a vaccine or something It'll be like oh you need this You know to live like To not get polio or whatever You know what I mean But it'll just be Botox on her face

And she's just so excited for her Because I feel like You know I want her to look like those younger looking toddlers Not those old looking toddlers You know That's thank God because I wasn't going to say anything,

but we saw her the other day, and I was just like, oh my God, is Benjamin Button's new? Oh my God, Jackie. Oh, my God. In Jackie's defense, we've been thinking about Benjamin Button because there is inexplicably

a character on Riverdale who appeared. Called Benjamin Button. We're pretty sure he appeared just for one episode to be a kind of like consolation prize for a character. Although I dare say

we haven't recorded this week's Riverdale Roundup yet, but I have seen multiple. I re, I notoriously read the Riverdale emails right before we record, but there have been multiple with the subject line of Benjamin Button. So I'm pretty sure we're wrong. We might have been wrong. Anyway, his name is Benjamin Button. And even if he has appeared before in the previous seven seasons, why is his name Ben Button Holden? Why would Riverdale do that? Why? And he's just like regular, like it's not like, oh, maybe it's possibly he's aging backwards. He's not aging backwards. He's not aging backwards. He's just a regular person. Why do they? Why do they?

make these choices. Hold on. And he's like the most borough, snorro character of all time. Like, he just exists. I just love to just introducing completely new characters. Two episodes left. With two episodes left. Two episodes left.

Maybe not a new character because some people have an encyclopedic knowledge of Riverdale and you'd think that that would be me and Jackie. Which I love. We don't. And we're thankful for them. No, it's not us. We're thankful for them. No, our problem is we watch Riverdale stoned or MJ watches it at 530 in the morning.

So you may as well be stoned. I see. What I'm saying is it's not our fault. Now I'm getting lost in these pictures of these two lovers. Are you looking at the Gailer Encyclopedia? I need everybody to know. Carly Clause friendship relationship timeline. So everyone flipped out, right?

Everyone flipped out because Carly Clause was at the last Taylor Swift era's show. You think that the news of the last internet went aflame? You think that the big news was the 1989 announcement? No. The big news was that Carly Kloss was there. Okay, but to be fair, but not in the VIP tent, in the up in the stands, paying with all the normal. Not in the VIP tent.

So I, or I was like, all right, I know that the Gaylor conspiracy has a lot to do with Carly Kloss. I don't know anything about this. So what I did was read this dossier that a person put together. It's the Teal dossier, but for Tay. It's the Tay dossier. But for Teh. It's a day.

Dacier and it is d'assete. D'Ate. We can call it a d'Aet. It is every interaction that Taylor Swift has ever had with Carly Clause and I read every word of it. I know. And now at the end of it, I'm like, all right, I guess I can see it. This is the thing. If you're listening to this and you're about to turn off your phone because you're like, everyone keeps talking about Taylor Swift on page seven.

Yes, Holden, Ally McNeely has worn us down, and both Jackie and I have found ourselves slipping into the sweet hereafter that is embracing. You have to understand, this is Stockholm syndrome. This is, again, not MJ and I's fault. I think that that is the, my 36th year, not my fault year. I'm going a different route, not my fault. Wow. And that's, I just want everybody to know. So we're just going full Lizzo.

Yeah, it is not my. We're the toxic gossip train. Forgive me. Oh my God. I got it switched around there. Yes. No, it's not my fault, though. So, man, I don't want to give up that song.

I have just be able to sing it. It ain't my fault. But that's a... We're not. You can. We can. It just might make me feel bad. Just like I could sing a lot of songs.

Oh, I'll just change it up. It's my fault. I give all my ditches abuse. I give all my disabuse. I give all my disabuse. It's a It hurts my heart. It hurts my heart.

It hurts my heart. You know, just changing it. We can change it up. But, yes, it is not our fault that we, and I've spoken about it before, what has happened to me. Yes, it was Holden wearing me down. And also I have a, and my kids, and my kids,

and I have a gala and my family. Yeah, please blame your children. Thank you, Holden. And I will stand by this. I said it before, say it again, Taylor Swift, and I'm not sure if this hurts your feelings, Holden, but she is a great stepping stone out of Disney music. She's just basic enough.

I believe it. If you start with like shake it off and stuff, it is just easy enough like to listen to that you can launch yourself right out of the Frozen 2 soundtrack into Taylor Swift. And it's great because that's a great stepping stone to, you know, to either better Taylor Swift songs than Shake It Off. which we are really expanding and also into other pop. And so that is what happened to me.

And now I want to go to ERAs. And Jackie's had a slightly different journey. Okay, okay, great. Let's talk about right now. Anybody, if you have three tickets. I know that's about that. Three tickets to ERAs. In Miami, New Orleans, or Indianapolis,

we are very interested in those tickets. We will purchase them. We will fly there together. Within reason. I mean, I'm literally trying to figure out how to come into a lot of money so I can justify just buying $3,000 tickets. But if you have tickets at cost and you want to party with us, we will fucking fly there. So before it was just the full Holden-McNeiler experience, then it became the Holden and Jack

experience. Now we are offering. And MJ, we're full page seven experience. Now we are offering the full VIP page seven experience. MJ Jack and I will fly to your town, assuming it's Miami, New Orleans, or Indianapolis, We will party with you all, like the whole weekend. We'll get in the night before. We'll have drinks.

We'll tailgate the day of. We'll go to the show. We'll all fly out the next day with giant smiles on her faces. Just fucking DM me. I'm in. It's like end of year next year. Let's do. I'm over it.

I need a better seat than what I had. Man, are we going to talk about your almost scam? Yeah. I, man, I went through my, I've had the time of my life. Holden dragons with you. Scam. He really almost got scammed. I had the time. We did, but we did it. I get smelling from a mile away. You were great. Credit to hold him. He spotted the scam because he was blind with desire.

You know, he was like, he was blind with desire. Like, I've never seen him so blind. You have to be, you have to remember. I mean, come on. But head on a swivel. Always the back of your head. If it's too good to be true, if it's too good to be true, you just got to keep that in the back of your head. You know what you mean? For sure. And I feel bad for all the people who, who are getting, you know, scammed left and right on these tickets. You know what I mean? I mean, it's just absolutely crazy. Lots of evils out there dancing about with their lives. And you just won it so bad.

So, of course, you're going to be like, yeah, it's kind of weird. It'll just work out. It'll be fine. I'll just give this random person $250. If we've learned anything from 90-day fiancé, face time. If they won't FaceTime, then, you know, like, I understand if they're at work or something like that. There should be some... We need to see...

Proof of life. Yes. Proof of life for sure. But that's, hey, FaceTime with Holden and Jackie. Wow. How... What?

That's great. Wow. Yeah, that's what everybody's saying, wow about. That's like AMIOS. It's going nuts for it. Get tickets. And when we go, we'll make...

Not only will we have all the great friendship bracelets that people are giving us on the page 7 release the butthole cut tour, page 7 Whist Brew, released the but also I think... Which also, I think... Which also get your tickets at last podcast network.com. Also, I'll throw out T-shirts. We'll bring T-shirts if you let us come to the show with you.

Wow. Wow. This is getting. Matt, where a D-A-Pel. We're going to give you stuff for free. And I still have a thing of Lexi's breast milk. I still have a thing of Lexi's breast milk. I'll bring that.

Oh, my God. I'll bring it and you can drink it or you can watch me drink it or whatever you want to do. But, oh, my God. I'll suck. I'll suck. Holden. Oh, I'll let you suck my dick. Oh, no.

You ruined the sanctity of your badge. And we will be representing the Carly Clause conspiracy realm while we're there. We will be covered in breast milk. Let's bring it back. Let's bring it back. Well, I just think that, man, okay, December 2nd, 2014, Swift performed in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. This must have been during her snake time because she's covered in black lace and this sexy outfit. and so is Carly Clause, and they are holding hands on the Victoria's Secret.

That picture, there's a specific picture of them holding hands, and they're both in this black lingerie that I'm like, oh, yeah. All right, I'm a gala. Right, yeah. She had a room in her house. Carly Claus had a room in Taylor Swift's home, and then something happened, and now they never see each other ever. Is it not the same? because I essentially have a room in my brother's home just in case

like I have a room that's like my backup life like when my life goes belly up and how does it feel when you fuck him Jackie my brother because everyone knows if someone has a dedicated room or someone else in their house

they're fucking and suck I'm sorry I just be kidding I'm messed up my mind's messed up you're just thinking about Taylor you have gone you have gone gargoyle for It's not...

It's not his fault either. I've truly gone sick oh mode. And I just want to apologize to all the kids. It's not his fault. I just, God damn, a narcissist with personality disorder tendencies. It's not my fault. There it is. There it is.

You brought it home, guys. Well, I think the thing that happened, though, I mean, that's, okay, this is so dramatic, though. Because if you look into it, so Carly Clause got together with this guy. who's in scooters camp. Also, I want to apologize to everybody. All of the celebrities are on vacation right now, and it is the barren time between now and Labor Day, where just the celebrities are hiding.

So we're talking about Gaylor today, and I love you, and I apologize. That's the problem. Like, right now, currently they're keeping, like, women in cages and doing stuff, you know what I mean? We're not going to find out about that stuff. Many horrific stories are happening. That's coming in like a month, you know what I mean?

but like, I will say this too, though, man, that Firefest guy keeps texting me. I should not have joined his text thing. And he's just like, you would have joined the Firefest Cabanas in the Hamptons? And are you in on Firefest? Do you want a T-shirt? And I just feel sad. I weirdly feel sad for him, though, too. Do you ever respond?

No. I never do. But, okay, going back to this Carly-Claught thing, which I know is so interesting to everyone, and it's so important, the thing that happened with that is, Scooter Braun. That's the thing. That's what makes it all. It all comes back to him, doesn't it? I love that there's like a true defined villain.

This is better than Star Wars. This is better than Lord of the Rings. There's a defined villain. His name's fucking Scooter Braun, which literally is he, sounds like a villain in an Adam Sandler movie. And then what happened was Carly Kloss ends up getting together with a guy, so she ends up being like, gay, not gay or whatever, right?

And doing that whole thing and getting with the guy, right? And then Taylor was like, what the fuck? A gay. You know what I mean? Gay gay. And then she ends up. she's with this guy, and then he's, like, in with Scooter Braun's camp and actually was a part of the finance team, I believe, that helped Scooter Secure the Masters.

And they're, like, seen on vacation together, Carly Clause on one end, Scooter Braun on the other end. And that's the implication here, you know what I mean? Is that she aligned herself with the dark side. And that's why she wasn't in the VIP. But she still went. And by the way, everyone's, like, trying to, like, pile on her that this happened, that she, like, wasn't in VIP and she was, oh my God, was she in the, she wasn't even have, she didn't even have floor seats, God forbid, she wasn't in like a box.

She was just with the normal people. Ew. And I thought that was kind of cool that she did that. The funny thing, though, is did you see the cut of moments when people believe that Taylor Swift, like, gave her a look in the stands? Oh, no. Which is so funny. It is ridiculous. If it's real, it is the high school thing ever.

Because she's literally like sings the line that people believe is about. Carly Claus, and then she like darts a look up in the stands like, we're in high school. Oh my God. We're actually in like high school assembly. It's amazing. This is a thing. Even if you don't care for the music, what's not to love about the drama, a like low key or elite? They were so young.

They were so young. It was like, it was at a time, honestly, the 2015s, the 2012 to 2015 era was a different time. You know, maybe they were just together and they didn't know if they were gay or if they just loved each other. they weren't sure if they wanted to make a whole thing of it and come out. And then this horrible villain comes in between the two of them. And this romance is forever severed. And a small group of dedicated galers has devoted the last several years to following it in every single detail that could ever possibly come out of it. And I say, go bless it. I'll say go bless it. And let's be real here. Is this coming from a woman who has never had that intimate of a relationship?

with just a friend before? Yes, this is my confession. Like I've never had that intimate, close relationship with another woman unless I was having sex with them. So I don't, I don't, so I think that's why I see it this way. Because, like, I just also am not like a touchy person. I'm not like a lay-a-pons kind of person. We've talked about this before.

MJ and I have shared many, many rooms. And I don't even know if we hug when we see each. other for the first time after weeks. We do. Oh yeah, we do. We hug. We hug. But we don't, yeah.

I sometimes look longingly at the, like, friends, like, girlfriends' relationship where they're always, like, draped over each other and stuff. When they're, like, laying in bed together, like, drinking wine, watching a movie and stuff like that. Like, there's definitely, like, and I think that that's also part of the reason why I read this dossier of Carly Clause and Taylor Swift's friendship, because I just watch. I'm like, man, that would be so fun to just have this like gay lover that you're but also that, yes, of course.

Yes, it's possible, I guess, that they were just really close and that, I don't know, it's possible, I guess, that a lot of women who lived together in the 1950s just needed a room in their best friends apartment, isn't it? But I think it's possible that they were best friends. But and then, and then also, again, it seems like no matter what happened, whether they were friends or whether they were, you know, in love, Scooter Braun is the one that got in the way. Is the bastard. Yeah.

1889. Well, don't worry. 1989. It's coming out soon. We're going to get Taylor's version. Did you hear me? I said, where? Did you hear me say that?

I'm so excited for the vault tracks. I've been most excited. My two favorite albums are 1989 and reputation. So those are the two albums I'm most excited about getting the vault tracks for and everything like that. Surprise there's only five. has claimed in the past, she wrote a hundred songs for that album. So people were kind of like,

only five, wow, Taylor, your bounty is too short, small this time. You know what I mean? Oh, God. She has kind of been in the middle of something. Oh, my God. I know. Every Taylor's version release has been lazier than the last because she's just in the thick of tour. And it's

all, thank God, she's just like, amazing. I just wish she could, like, marry the moon or something. You know what I mean? She's just so deserves that for her. Don't worry, everyone. I'm going to sink as low as to say that she should marry the moon. I don't fall that hard, so it's going to be fun. If the moon was a man with a face, then she should marry it, okay? Or a woman at this point, Gaylor.

And I will also acknowledge that it is also not great to, like, constantly be picking apart someone's, like, relationship status. And sexuality, I understand. And I know we're terrible people, and send us the email. But I don't care because I like this. I just feel like I needed to talk about it because I spent so much time reading about their. And then as I'm reading it, I was just like, man, who's got the time to follow somebody's relationship this closely that every time they interact, there's just, I mean, I'm sure there are many other times that they hung out where it's not documented. But this was a really, really long article.

If being on like Taylor Twitter or Taylor X at this point, if being on that has taught me, if it's taught me anything, it is that there are so many people out there that are very willing to just dedicate a giant portion of their lives to like supporting someone else being great. Like it is unbelievable. Like people being like, cruel summer might hit number one on the charts guys, stream it like crazy this week. Buy it and stream it. like being that tapped in. And that's why the Doja Cat was so interesting. How much do we scream about Doja Cat on this podcast? We yelled about it a lot, right?

I just want to make sure we established it in past episodes. That was why it was so crazy what she did because like the culture right now is like, there are just people online working as your publicist for free and you support those people. And it is kind of interesting for someone to just be like, no, fuck y'all. I don't know. But that's why this summer has been so weird because, you know, you've heard, you've heard all three of us grow up on page seven over the course of time. You've heard us all grow up, right? But you've also heard us gradually become people who talk about a show where not only Holden talks about Taylor Swift. She has, you know, she has really immersed herself. But we are a pop culture show, right? The pop culture event of the summer has been eras. And even if you try to not give a fuck about Taylor Swift, as I like affirmatively tried to do for quite a while, it's like Twitter and I'm not going to call it X. Twitter and Instagram and everything. thing is just so fascinating because I feel like it is Taylor Swift has managed to like saturate

so many different corners of conversation like so many different parts of the internet so many different you know so like even if you are not trying to think about Taylor Swift she just she's just everywhere right now like and it's kind of fascinating I even feel like the Kardashians publicists has backed off because there is so much Taylor like. The fact that in this, and now, don't worry, like, ERIS, she's going out of the country for a while. I think it's really going to die down. So this is not going to maintain.

But the fact that I have got three different articles about, four different articles about Taylor Swift, just in this week's article batch alone. And it's like, again, not my fault. It's not my fault. This is what is happening in every single, It's really crazy the fact that, like, you know, that she gives so much towards food banks in every single town. She's Lord.

She does a show. She's doing a, like, and again, her publicists are working round the fucking clock. She is Lord. Yes, she's Lord. She's risen. Everyone's like, oh, he has Rose Easter or whatever. She's here. There's a fascinating thing, too, happening with the convergence of eras and the Barbie movie, right?

because she is recent. Jesus. There's like two, you know what I mean. There's like two, you know, kind of like admittedly basic, admittedly kind of like white feminist things happening at the same time. But also very like still for all those caveats,

etc. Like good, very good. Like Barbie movie seems to be like, I still haven't seen it. I'm so sorry. But it's like it seems to just be like a generally really positive experience for a lot of women to go. A lot of them are like, this is like speaking to me about feminism and patriarchy in a way that I maybe have heard before, maybe I haven't heard it before.

And like people are saying, like there was a tweet that I saw that was like, somebody handed me a Taylor Swift bracelet at the Taylor Swift concert and said to me, this is what it's like to live in Barbieland, you know? So there's this weird convergence of like an event where it's like this woman whose thing is like, everyone tells a story about me. My reputation will always be that I'm just this like basic bitch who sings breakup songs and no one will ever let me be bigger than that. And that's my people are trying to put me in a box

and that over here Barbie's doing its thing. And it's just- Damn them all to hell. There's this kind of like delightful, bright, sparkly, basic white feminism happening right now, right? Yes. And I think that's part. Basic white is, you know, not bad. Just those are caveats.

It has its limits. Well, we're taking basic bag. I've seen a lot out there about taking basic back. about how we're using that word to essentially shut down a whole wing of culture and look down on it and shit on it when it's like, no, this is great. Like between, I think especially between Barbie and T. Swift's era as being like this cultural phenomenon, I think people are like, fuck off with your basic. They're both saving the U.S. economy. That I like what I like. Yeah, fuck off.

But I will also give shout-outs. there is a little bit of tour news with Beyonce's tour, a couple of things. Atlanta wins the Everybody on Mute Challenge, which I thought was kind of cool. So Beyonce, so this is a big challenge for everything. I wish I could go to her show, obviously, too. It would be amazing.

But in the song, Energy, she sings, big wave in the room, the crowd going move, look around everybody on mute. And then all of her dancers freeze, everyone freezes, and the challenge to see how much everyone can shut the fuck up for that one minute. Oh, that's fun. It's called Everybody on New Challenge. I love that. That's like a theater elementary school game, but for a whole stadium of people. It's like an opposite. Yeah, yeah. Because usually when everything stops, too, everyone has the instinct in a big show like that to scream as loud as they can. So it's kind of fun to have to have it be the opposite and go like, it reminds me of, there's this bar I wanted to go to in New York called the, I believe it's called the Monk Bar or something like that.

And it's a bar where you have to be quiet. I have gone to that bar and Holden you wouldn't like to be at that bar because you forget that literally no one, we are such loud human beings. They like shush you. Oh, you get shushed a lot. You would get very shushed. It would be fun for me. Could you imagine? Have you ever thought about doing like a silent retreat?

Could you imagine it? I haven't thought about doing a silent retreat before. I'm not saying it. What do you? Oh, oh, you've thought of it. You're smiling at me. Again, you've got gargoyle face. You're like all, you're drunk with Tay.

What are you talking about? Oh, God. Stop. Hey. Talens are up changing. Just because I have weird, yeah, I have weird, like, talons growing out of my fingers now and weird, like, it looks like chipped paint on my face. You're such a Tamlin. You're being Tamlin right now.

And I hate you. You don't even get us. You don't understand our Faye base. I want to fuck your fairy bar. Ew. Is that how he talks? Do you talk like Dracula? No.

I'm compliment and I want to suck your call. Don't mix up my wires. You know how I feel about the count. You know what I want to do to the count and don't make his voice in front of me. I also love everyone was so, this is like very like speculative like the Carly Clause bullshit.

Is it the other day? It's all ridiculous. It's all ridiculous. So Beyonce, like after the Lizzo stuff went down, she like shouts out different people in this one song. Oh, and she didn't say her name. So I love this idea that it was like,

I don't think she meant to not say. say Lizzo because of that. So now every show she has to be like, I love you, Lizzo! She's like doing the choreography. Wait, did she start saying it again? She started saying it again. She started saying it and then even said,

I love you Lizzo in like her most reason. She's coming out big for her. I don't think that she would do something like, I don't. I just think it's tough way to be like, Lizzo's okay. I think she's all right. Love you, Lisa. You're all right.

You know, everyone's like, what? Gotta read about all the allegations before I said. Yeah, exactly. She's just like, all the allegations. All the allegations. All the allegations. We got to read them. We got to read them.

We got to read them. We got to look at it. We got it. Oh, my God. But anyways, that's Beyonce Tour News. Just so you don't get so inundated with just ERA's Tor dues.

I do agree that I needed to die down. Honestly, my feed is so inundated right now. I had to start actively liking other things on TikTok because so much of it is Taylor. I was like, I have to get it away from me. I need to. Shuck it off of my shell.

Get it away from me. And actually what I do want to talk about, which there's not, I guess, a lot to talk about, but I don't know if you watched all of Taryn Manning's video. I did. Taryn Manning, of course, played Pensatucky in Orange is the New Black. She's been in a bunch of other things, too. But this video that she put out of her talking about,

it just seems like, and if it wasn't in the middle, of the day, I'd be like, oh, maybe she was just, like, really stoned or something, but just her aggressively talking about sleeping with a married man and licking his butthole. Licking his butthole. She's like, I licked his bottle. I don't care what the other woman thinks. He comes to me, the other boy, like, and she just like can. Yeah, it's a real Judy.

Is Judy the other woman and it's my party? Yes, it's a real Judy situation. It's her party and she'll lick a butthole if she wants to, even if it belongs to a married man. And that's what she's doing right now. But I just love how she keeps going back around to be like, bitch, I lick this butthole out, all right? So you don't even want to come at me right now.

I got a butthole. You know what I mean? It's just like, all right, we get it. You licked his butthole. Wonder why that has to be like the central. Yeah, that has to be like the central theme. She says that his wife, uh, threat, she does quite a video. It's like a two-minute video.

She's in her car. She is kind of swaying. She's absorbed into it. She is slurring and swaying. Jackie's convinced that she's sober. don't know enough about what she's like when she's sober, but she seems altered. Hopefully it's not like some sort of like, you know, mental health episode and it's just a fun, this drunk romp or something, even though she, while she's driving.

I don't know, Jackie. I don't know what I hope. Something's, I'm hoping this isn't normal is what I'm saying. Something's going on. She's talking about how she's fucking this married guy. She's licking his ass and the wife and they drive to Newport Beach to buy him a boat that she must be doing. I feel like she should have made this into an ad for like SAG after residuals, you know, to be like, I'm doing really well because of Orange is the New Black.

And this was before Residuals got fuck. But is it, oh, it was before residuals got fuck? I was about to say, isn't it notorious in this strike that one of the, I forget which person from Orange's the New Black makes almost no money in residuals that can barely pay their bills? I know that there's some, right. I think it depends on kind of like where people landed in the streaming bubble about whether it's because Billy Porter actually, who is also in the. the articles was talking about how... Yeah, we'll get to that. That's an interesting one. Even Billy Porter is like, yes, I'm a very famous person and I'm also a working actor,

and it's like, without residuals, I'm fucked, you know? But I only say that she must be doing fine because she's buying this guy who she's licking his asshole. She takes him to Newport Beach to buy a boat. She's buying him a boat. And then his wife finds out, and she's like, stay away from my man or I'm going to get a restraining order on you. And she's just like, I, well, you might get a restraining order on me, but I like to lick

his ass and she just keeps talking about it. And I don't know, this is really one of those pop culture news is where I don't know what the takeaway is. Well, my takeaway is genuine question. If you're married and if someone licks your butthole, is that really cheating? I feel like at that point, I mean, it's not like Lexi's licking my butthole out, you know what I mean? You know? Is it, I would say that, except for the fact that when she gets to the point of like, when we're driving all the way down to Newport Beach, and he was finger blasted me. Yeah, that she also asked that.

Yeah, that he was. I mean, I do think that licking butthal, I believe that's cheating. I would say that in my, Jeff, just so you know, I do feel that licking someone else's butthole is cheating. No, getting your butthole licked, though. I mean, are you not getting down there in nose diving? You're asking Jackie. But how do you know, maybe she is?

You're asking Jackie that if some. That was the most pregnant pause ever, so actually I rescind my statement. I rescind my statement. I think Jackie is getting down there. and nosed diving. I am not nose diving, but I also don't, I don't, I'm not shitting upon people that do nose diving. Pun intended. What the fuck. Fun intended.

That's great, Jackie. Thank you. To each their own. Thank you. Also, yeah, to each their own. I know we got to get to the celebrity conspiracy. Do we want to talk about the Billy Porter stuff? Do we leave it to the leftovers?

It's controversial. Yeah, because we leave it for the leftovers. You have to pay to here. hear the hot takes and then you don't maybe want to email is hard. You got to pay to hear the hot takes, do we gate keep the fucking hot takes. You can decide if you want to hear Holden's opinion. Yeah, I think that is nice. I think that is a great way to write in.

There you go. You don't decide. If you want to hear Holden Allen, Allie McEley's opinion. Holden McAllie. I love you. I just want to say I've got Charles back. You know what I mean? Oh, thank God.

When it becomes too hard for you, I can jump in a switch in. You're an ally for all the ass eaters out there. It sounds like you don't want them to get in trouble with the spouses of the men who's ass. If it's just pure ass eating, you know what I mean? First of all, what are you, a fish? Second of all, I don't know. I just think, you know, give them a puck race. I'm just saying Jackie comes to you, Holden.

We're about to record page seven. She's weeping. You say, what happened, Jackie? She says somebody was looking at Jeff's ass. And Holden says, well, that's not really cheating. Yeah. You think I'd be a little upset. I'm pretty sure.

But then I'd be like, yeah, well, would you want to do it? Someone's got to do it. Apparently, he needs it. You're saying it's just outsourcing. So are you willing to do it? You're saying this guy needs his ass, look, does his wife not doing it? Yeah. I'm saying get consent before you outsource.

How about that? Sure. Consent before you outsource. Consent before you outsource. It's probably a good thing. It's good to communicate about these things. Got to communicate. For sure.

For sure. But. couples therapy. On the bright side, even if he didn't communicate that to you, at least you could be like, oh, well, his ass is probably really clean right now. Yeah. You know what I mean? What about a bit, then maybe you need to get rid of the Tushy then?

Because he's getting his ass licked out by the toilet every day. No, that's great. He's getting his ass eaten out by the toilet. I love getting my ass eaten out by the toilet. Oh, I hit it. Oh, God, that Tushy. I tell you. By the best.

By the way, sponsored by Tushy, dude. I wish we were sponsored by Tushy, man. I love my Tushy. So much. Tushy. Licking that asshole every day, lapping it up. Oh, all right.

Let me with the chair. Do you believe it? Just for you guys. Was Riverdale written by Canadian artificial intelligence in order to destabilize the U.S.? Whoa. This one comes in from Nick, who writes in 2016,

an attempt to create a weapons-grade AI, the Canadian government, at the suggestion, in an attempt, Yeah, at the suggestion of their alien allies began work on building an artificial intelligence so powerful it could sabotage and topple their southern neighbor's defenses if the need arose. The machine was fed on a diet of wholesome safe Americana, i.e. Archie Comics, 90210, 16 candles and Silence of the Lambs, to name a few.

However, since they were only allowed to use safe reference material to build its personality, the AI developed an over-traumatic and irrational personality. It had a tendency to ramble on about the maple syrup trade witchcraft musicals and serial killers' jeans. However, the program was shelved after the Canadian Prime Minister developed a bromance with Obama later that year, as we all know. The AI was then used mostly as a game master for the Scientist's Weekly D&D games. When the Canadian government saw how dumb and intriguing these campaigns were,

they decided to produce them as premier television, a chance to fill the coffers and further dumbed down the entire American generation, leading them down the path of destabilization. Finally, the Canadians will be the cool kids of North America, eh? Nick. P.S. I only started watching Riverdale because of the absolutely insane things I would hear when the auto play would switch over to Roundup.

I have now seen every episode and cannot believe I'm enjoying it. Oh, my God. That's awesome. Keep up the good work, and thank you for all the Primo Entertainment. MJ, I thought it was super interesting how throughout the podcast you shared with us in a matter-of-fact way your gender identity, thought process, and decision-making. Thank you for sharing that. I feel like it helped me better understand gender fluidity with people in my own life.

Also, Holden, you are the greatest ally of all time. You have the voice of feminism. You should be speaking for all women, whatever you can. Thank you so much. Holden and Jack, you two crack me up constantly. Hashtag rude duner. Rood duner's rise up. Bay Bay, bay, all day, bay, as well.

Thank you, Nick. And thank you for all those things you said about me being, of course, the best ally. of all time. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. I mean, honestly, AI combining, like, the Americana of actual Archie comics with, like, Silence of the Lambs would make a lot of sense to explain how Riverdale is written. Yes. Like, that actually is basically what's going on.

But I'm going to say something very kind and generous about Riverdale. Ain't no computer could write that. It's just... Ain't no computer could write that. Ain't no. Ain't no. I don't believe it. Ain't no, ain't no.

Unless all the biblical shit. Yeah, maybe the Percival season. Maybe the personal season. I can't believe they got biblical. Yeah. I can't believe they did that. That's so stupid. Yeah, well, Betty is the horror of Babylon.

There you go. That was going to happen. Yeah, tis a pity. I'm still reeling from the fact that we have a listener who just heard the first few, you know, minutes of Riverdale when it would switch over on your podcast app and then you then manage to watch every episode of the seven. Makes me so happy. That makes me very happy.

We really are proselytizing, Jay. Yeah. We're getting them in there. And, you know, it, um, I'm just happy. I just can't believe that's ending. That's all. That's where my brain is. Yeah.

I know how I feel about anything ending. You know how it makes my brain feel. I still haven't even watched the last. episode of parenthood. I know. I can't. I don't like to finish. I know. And this is going, I'm going to struggle. Just the opposite. I love fucking putting things. I love closing the book. I love the feeling of completion. That's why I like video games so much. I love like seeing credits roll. I beat the game. It's done. I'm moving on with my like I, that's what I love in video games. Like I'm not a forever game person. I'm not looking for that game. You know what I mean?

I'm looking for the next one and the next one. I love starting something new. How fun is that? Starting something new is so fun. I was going to say I like finishing books just not shows. And then I thought about it. And I was like, no, the feeling of emptiness after I finish a really good book. And then I immediately, for some reason, think there are no other good books to read.

You know, I completely shut down. And I'm like, well, I just finished a great book. Now what am I supposed to fucking do? Instead of being like, what joy to find another great book to read? No, that's not how it works for me. honestly add more smut into your life because then the smut really and then I'm just like

ooh what am I gonna read about next what monster are we gonna fuck next? Totally totally Wait so do you believe? About Riverdale being written by AI I don't because I have more faith in them than that You can't right?

You can't yeah you can't I'm behind the writers Writers Guild Ally Jackie Alive Rowsky Yeah I'm such a fucking ally I'm an ally to the SAG I'm in SAG I guess

but I don't know if I'm in it or whatever but I'm in it maybe. I think I'm in it. But Writers Guild, I'm your ally for sure. I'm an ally to the rainbow people. And I'm an ally to all woman folk everywhere. If you want to listen to Holden's take, you can go listen to the leftovers.

And I just feel like, I just feel so fucking brave, dude. Yeah, it is brave. It is brave. Yeah. I feel brave as all hell. It is brave of you. It is brave of you.

Yeah. Totally. So brave of you. Not many people will do it. Not many people will ally with the rainbow people, but you will. Yeah, I will, dude. I absolutely will, dude. Cops are whatever, did you know what I'm saying?

Oh, no. It's time for the list. Who's on the list? Check me. Gotta have that list. This actually goes well with what we've been doing this episode. A plus puns from celebrities. Tom Hanks was the only Tom having fun in that bathroom on Coton O'Brien's segment Hank's Secrets.

Hank said that at the 1998 Oscars, he was in the bathroom stall next to Tom Selleck and joked, looks like we're a couple of peeing Tom's. Wow. He then said his angry silence is something I'll never forget. Tom Selleck does seem like not the kind of guy that would be goofy. Well, you know, no, appreciating a pee. Tom's joke. Really? I would think that Tom Selle could be like, ha ha, you know, like give like a nice... See, you can't even make him laugh in a way that

makes that situation makes sense. It would be like an affirmative... Who does that? Yeah. That's what I think he would do. That's what I think he would do. I think he'd say, I want to lick your arms. Don't. Don't bring the count into this. He's not a vampire hole man. He's a moustachioed man that doesn't make him a vampire. All right, I guess. Yeah, well, Tracy Morgan says, What's the best social media snack? Instagram crackers. What is the name of the list?

Did celebrities being on vacation somehow affect the quality of all lists? What kind of fucking list is this? What is you? I mean, I don't normally want to pie. Yeah, I don't normally want to give you shit for the list. You work really hard. You're really good co-host. I really appreciate you.

It's your birthday. Oh, God, it is your birthday. We shouldn't shit on your list. This is my birthday so I can do whatever I want. This list. And if we don't read, I really. react to the list, Jackie gets mad at us, and now it's back. Yeah, exactly. You want to catch

22. What am I supposed to, what's the best social media stack? Instagram. We have to laugh at the puns. I feel like Tom Selleck with Tom Hanks next to me. What commentary could I think about that? Wow, Instagram. Yeah, and Graham-Cragers are going to eat. Like, what am I supposed to fill up the space with even? It's my birthday. You have to laugh.

What did Samuel Jackson say? How do you catch a unique animal? Unique up on it. Yes. Not even good. There's not even any information about like, when did he say this? Where did he say this? I like, no proof that they said it whatsoever.

My favorite, too, is the title for this one is get those mother punn and puns on this mother pun in plain, which is fucking horrible. Zach Braff, what does he have to say? What is the giraffe's favorite fruit? Neck trees. I'll tell you what, I think I'm done with zoos, man. I think I'm good on zoos. Yeah, that's fine. And the last time I went.

You want to talk about animal abuse instead of this list? Oh, you are, yeah, you're... I think I don't think I'm in a... I don't know if I can take Winnie to the zoo. I don't know if I can do it. Why not? I just think that it's just not... I don't think that they're good for people.

Take her to like a... But you can take her to like a sanctuary. I'll take her to a sanctuary. It's a conservatory zoo and not like a for-profit zoo. I love that we're talking about animal rights instead of this list. Instead... You hate the puns so much. much you'd rather talk about this.

Remember when they kept the one giraffe? I never, that was the last time I went to a zoo. Yeah, because it fucking bums me out. It is sad. Holden and I were at the zoo and we, I'm sure we've talked about this before, but they had separated the giraffes for some reason. And they just clearly were in love. And they were so in love.

And so they were in two different pens and they were both stretching their necks, trying so desperately to just touch noises. And then that zookeeper snuck up behind the one giraffe and started licking it. its butthole out? I was like, what is gone to? Eat a boddle. We're like, another vampire. Draft pin.

There's too much neck for him to bite. All right. Nectarines. We always bring it back to the list. I can't believe what else he got. Why didn't the boat dock too much peer pressure? Who said it, Jackie?

What celebrity said it? Ike Berenholds. I don't even know. Who is that? I don't even know who that is. You know who that is. He's a funnyman. You'll, you know him if you're a room.

No, no, you can't just say. Ike Bartholdz is no one, dude. He is a funnyman. I'm looking at a picture of him. Oh my God. Real big fish is on the list just because the name of the band is a pun, which is true. Yes. But that doesn't make it go on a list.

What about Tiffany Haddish where she said, what's an alcoholic's favorite holiday? Dranksgiving. I don't think we talk about Tiffany Haddish anymore. Yeah, I think we can talk about Tiffany Ash anymore. Jackie, she's, she's been... I just really like Drake's giving, I'm sorry. You can't bring her back.

I just really love that part. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I love you, Lizzo. I'm sorry. I think Lizzo's all right. No. Henry, oh my God, I almost yelled Henry.

Holden. See, I don't have children to to misnames. So I just say, Henry, Eddie, God. Holden. Whichever one you are! I will say that Barack Obama did call Abe the Turkey, that he pardoned TOTUS, Turkey of the United States.

Is that hilarious? Keep it going. No, let's live in this. Keep it gone. What's the next one? What's Boris Johnson's child's joke? He did say, Timeflies, even if turkeys don't. What did Boris Johnson say?

Neither of those are puns. Totis and Timeflies if Turkey's don't. Those are jokes. They're not puns. Not puns. Yeah. Did you hear the joke about the burglar who escaped from a prison? He said, I'm free.

I'm free. Then a little chap said, well, so what? I'm for. And what's the last one here? Sterling K. Brown, who I don't even know who that is. He's from? This is us. Yeah, Boris Johnson said that.

How do you console an English teacher? Well, this is more a visual joke. There, there, there. You love to hear on a podcast that's just reading puns, unattributed. To have a preface with this is more of a visual joke. There, there, there. And trying to figure out what that was visually. You probably can figure it out.

It's just thinking about what... It's the three kind of theirs. It's the three different kinds of theirs. Ah, the other thing. I would have thought your approach to be like, man, with these articles this week, we got to come up with a killer list. I did. I did come up with a killer list.

I thought it was hilarious. And we skipped them, too. We skipped some, too. Just a couple. The spaghetti made an action movie. What would it be called? Mission impostable. Impostable.

That's what Will Ferrell said. Impostable. Mark Wahlberg said, what was the foot's favorite type of chips? What? Doritos. And then he said, I would stop 9-11. Do you remember when he said that? He said, I could have disarmed the men on the plane and stopped 9-11.

And he never apologized afterwards for saying that. Tom Hopper, he said, what do you call it when Batman skips church? What? There, there, there. what it's called. That's not what it's called. Christian Bale. All right.

This is more of a visual joke. Unbelievable. There, there, there. It's how I can soul myself after that list. God damn. Man, it was so bad. I think I'm going. Blind.

We can't see him. This one's filed under strange hookups. This A-list actor-slash-director. And this at the time, very young, dual-thread actress, who has won an Emmy and an Oscar and who everyone thinks is foreign-born. These two hooked up.

The guy, he's always sad. He's always holding a cup. And the woman, she became a meme because of the thing she says about sadness or tragedy or whatever. Or sadness and fear. She is in... Both of them have been in Batman stuff.

That's right. I think, wait, did she? Umma Thurman. No, maybe I'm wrong about her being in Batman's stuff. She was with a guy that fucks fish. Katie Holmes. No. Because she wasn't a Batman.

Yeah, yeah, but she was. Nicole Kidman. Yes, and the man, he's sad. Wait, did you say people think she's foreign born? So this is crazy. I didn't know this. She was actually born in Hawaii, so she has dual citizenship. even though she's like, her parents were from Australia.

So I never knew that she's actually technically American born. Oh, heartbreak does feel good in a place like this. Right? Wow. I did not know. I had to go to Wikipedia after who everyone thinks is foreign born, so I had to go to Wikipedia, you know. Wow.

Wow, I didn't know. At first I looked myself up and I wasn't on there. But then I looked up Nicole Kidman. She was on there and it told me the thing about the Hawaii thing. Whoa. It's good that you're not on there, hold them, because whenever somebody makes your entry, they have to make sure that it says, you know, ally at the top.

Oh, I know, that's right, too. I need to be, yeah, exactly. Hold an ally, comedian, impersonator, you know, whatever. This guy, a duck, of what? This guy, a duck likes to say his last name, sort of. Affleck, Ben Affleck. And he's sad. Yes.

Ben Affleck and Nicole Kidman. They fucked. Wow. Maybe fly out of him, allegedly. Whoa, I would watch the hell out of that tape, just to watch the Phoenix. Yeah. I just want to see how she reacted. I think it was pre-Phenics tattoo.

This was when they were young, young. Oh, young. Yeah, this is probably before Tom, I'm thinking. All right, here we go. Next one. Wait, are they the same age? Who? Ben Affleck and Tom Cruise?

No, Ben Affleck and Nicole Kidman. Oh, I don't know. Like, oh, but he was famous real young. Yeah, he was famous very young. He sold a screenplay right out of college, got nominated for an Oscar. How cool would that have been? You just like love, you're such a fucking effleckon. I love he is, my new Tay.

The permanent A-list game show star wants a raise in a new contract. The new guy wants her fired and replaced with one of his friends, preferably the model who he has been friends with for several years. Friends, they've been together. I looked it up. Game show, changing of the guard on a recent game show. Pat Sejack. But it wouldn't be Pat Sejack.

Who's the... Oh, God. Vana White is the star that wants to raise a new contract. who's the new guy. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to think of. Oh, Ryan Sechrest. He's the Blanest. He's the, Ryan Sechrist.

Yes. It's Myin Sechrest. Once her out, wants to replace her with Aubrey Page Petkowski. Secrest and Petkosky has been, have been an item since 2021. Dad it. Then wouldn't that be interesting? Doubt it. I could sleep.

I could see this. I could totally see this drama happening right now. Oh, yes. I could very much see it, especially with Vanna trying to re-up. Because, like, she hasn't renegotiated her constantly. in a very long time. Pat Sejerk was making much more money than Vana White was making.

And now she's... She is canon. You can't... But also, you can't get... If you get also get rid of Vana White, who is going to watch this show? I guess people are still going to remain watching... If you watch the show, you will remain watching the show, I guess.

Price is right is still as popular as it ever was, right? I mean, am I wrong? I mean, it's still going. Drew Carey did an excellent job. I feel like Pat Seachak is even easier shoes to fill than what, then Bob Barker or whatever. Well, he doesn't have to do all the kissing. He doesn't have to all the kissing.

He doesn't have to, yeah. Is that Bob Barker? No, Bob Barker didn't do the kissing. Was Bob Parker doing the kissing? Yeah, we got to throw some allegedly all over there. There's some major allegedly stickers. Wait a second.

All over what you just said. Wait a second. He does the kissing, Jackie. Who's the kid? Who's the one that does the kissing? Richard Dawson. Richard Dawson from Family Feud did all the kissing. Absolutely.

By the way, is this married man, Gronky? I didn't even think about that. Is the married man who she went to get... He's living on the edge. Yeah, he's living on. She's definitely living on the edge. Oh, the person who's asked she was, like it, maybe it was Grownke. Yeah, maybe it was Gronkey.

He showed the butthole and pretended to be married. So is that why he doth protest too much? Yeah, I think so. I think so. I'm talking about you, Holden. That means you're getting your butt hole, you? Are you trying to break K-fabe right now? Ronky's getting his butthole.

Doesn't Gronky live inside of your mouth? I think he lives, well, if you cut my body in half and we're in a dark room and I'm naked and I'm holding my genitals. Like the music video living on the edge. If I start saying, something's wrong in the world today, I don't know what it is, then you know he might appear. That's what conjures him. Holden's been doing this thing on Jackin with the Holdies, which we do every Friday. On Holdenators, Twitch, and he keeps playing this one point. part in the Living on the Edge music video where he goes, that's gronky because it's a very

scary green thing that comes out of the inside of what's his faces. Yikes. What's wrong? I just, what you're talking about. Arrowsmith. Living on the edge. I explained it. Okay?

Yes. I explained an inside joke. It's my birthday. Everyone laugh. Everyone's laughing. Thank you. Thank you. And laugh at this.

This foreign born A-list. mostly movie actress is an Oscar nominee and a bombshell. She's also, and she's hot as shit right now and just in general. She's also keeping her relationship with this actor a secret, hottest couple ever. He is also just known as one of the hottest people in Hollywood. Are they Stupin? I hope so. Who's the woman?

She's blonde. She's literally the hottest woman in Hollywood right now. Margotribi. Yes, who's the man, classically hotest. I thought she was married. Classically, aren't they on the outside? actually. Are they?

They've been on the outs. Pedro Pascal. No, older, more classically more older. He. George Clooney. In that same camp. Harrison Ford. No, a younger, younger than that.

Younger than that. He was, he's in all the movies. He does, he gets ripped for the movies. He's so cool. Hugh Jackman. Everybody thinks he's cool. Less gay. Everyone thinks he's less gay than that.

But he's ripped. And he's older. His last name is the title of a image comic book character that was a flash in the pan that neither of you guys have ever heard of. Okay. He's not going to help, so let's just use what we have. He's an older man. I'm just screaming over here.

He's so hot. Everybody thinks just name the hottest people, men in Hollywood. Brad Pitt. Yes, Markerobie and Brad Pitt. Oh, I would watch that. How fun is that? Auga! My head just turned into a whistle and just like,

Buhl. Can I make a confession since it's the end of the show and maybe people won't come at me? Of course, I love a confession. I just for the very first time watched interview with the vampire. Nice. And I know you guys won't shame me for being like, I don't know. No, I don't do that.

Well, also, you watched it. That'd be even crazier to do that. It's usually you get that reaction when you're in college and you say you haven't watched the godfather and a roomful of men. There's a lot of movies I haven't seen and I feel insecure about it. How great was that part of Barbie, by the way?

How great was that part of Barbie, by the way? They like, wow, is this the godfather? I've never seen it before. Like, because they're trying to trick all the kids and to like, and to round them up, whatever just, it is just a plot point. And so like, one of the moments of that. It's like, wow, I've never seen the,

is this the godfather? I've never seen it before. Can you just talk to me about it the whole time we watch it. The guy's like, it's an incredible synodabatic experience. Yeah, it's just so funny. No, I just want to say

I spent a lot of time in my youth defining myself as being different for not being attracted to Brad Pitt. I was like, I'm more of an Edward Norton person than a Brad Pitt person. And I'm just here to say... The fight club talk. Yeah, I'm just here to say I was wrong

and Brad Pitt's very hot. Of course. Yes. I have a convention to make. I've never seen Legends of the Fall. I've never seen Legends of the Fall. either should we watch it. That'd be a fun one. We should watch it. You want to be attracted to Brad Pitt.

Uh-oh, watch along, put it added to the list. Oh, wow. Wow. I will watch that anytime. Yeah, I feel like you bring up Legends of the Fall pretty frequently. Whoa. It's also really sad. It's like not that sexy. Right. But he's so hot. Yeah, I think a Legends of the Fall watchalong might be a bit of a power of the slog for our listeners, but maybe not. Yeah, I guess that's true. Oh, no one wants us to do a watch along of Legends of the Fall watchalong of Legends of the Fall

because it's just gonna be me going like oh, get on that horse right. Look at his brothers on their horses. I'm sad. And Aiden Quinn's really hot in it. Like, I mean, everybody's looking good. I can't like the third brother

because his name is Henry Thomas and that just weirds me out and it's always yucked me out. There you go. Any guys you were wondering. I was. Thank you. I could see, and it's fine.

Oh, welcome back. Yeah. It's fine. It's fine. You guys are great. You guys did great in the blind items. Except for the list. Honestly, but that was right on the money, man.

That hit the sweet spot. How horrible. Horrific that list really was very bad. You are having a great birthday so far, Jackie. Yeah. Good birthday. I'd say you're having the best birthday of your life, right? Yeah.

This is, I mean. This is like being on a party bus making mistakes. Honestly, it is. Just drinking. You know what? I might have another coffee. Uh-oh. Crazy girl.

What? What? Crazy girl. That's too much. So that's where I'm at in my life. 36, man. 36 is, uh... I think at 36 is the best.

You're just, you're steeped in your... Yes, you're technically over the hill, but you are well in your 30s. Being fully... Yeah, I'm in my late 30s now, right? I've already crossed over from mid-thirty. But 30s... But 30s... Still mid.

I'm still in my mid-30s as well. And being fully in your 30s is great. I'm telling you. you, that is the best, you know? Yeah, man. Don't get older. Don't get younger. But staying right in there, right in the pocket.

It's weird because earlier Holden asked me what does 37 feel like? And I said, well, I'll tell you next year. And I also thought I was turning 37 this year. So you may have picked up on that of I have been misnumbering myself. And that happens at this age. And I was like, oh, no, I'm actually 36. You're finally at the age where you've just fully lost. I know I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting how old I am too, which I really thought would not happen to me.

You won't remember until you're 40 and then you'll be like, oh my God, I'm 40. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you remember the big number of years. I feel like this happened in my late 20s as well. I was just like, I don't know, I'm aroundish. Yeah. I'm between 25 and 30. There you two. You made it though, man. 36. Living on the edge, guys. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. Happy birthday, Jackie. Thank you. And happy birthday to you guys. and all my other Leo's out there. I hope you're celebrating yourselves and having a blast and sweating your buns off. And thank you so much for joining us on this birthday edition of Page 7.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can come and hang out with us on the Release the But Hole Cut tour. We are going to Nashville and Atlanta and Tampa so soon, Lastpodcastnetwork.com. Get your tickets. And we will have episodes coming out over the next couple of weeks, but I will say this will be our last shoutouts until then. Because our network and all of the people that work very hard,

our podcast network, are taking a break for the last two weeks of August. But we will still be getting content into your ears. Don't you worry. We just won't be able to do the shoutouts every week. So just want to let you know that. There you go. Holden. Twitch.combe4.

Holdenators ho, Monday through Friday, stream, especially Jacket with the Holdies on Fridays, 6 p.m. E.T. every week. It is such a fun party. It's only getting crazier and more fun. Every week we do it. But I digress. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. $5 a month gets you so much weekly bonus content. Also, you get ad-free episodes in the main feed. For $10 a month, you join us for our Jersey Shore watch-alongs every Thursday over on Discord. And it's always a hell of a time. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast, lesspodcast.com. for our tour dates. We're going back on the road in September,

hitting the southeast, so check all that shit out. And also hitting the Rust Belt in October, early October. So last podcast network.com for that. And page 7podcast at gmail.com. Hit me with those celebrity conspiracies. Always love to see them there. MJ!

My name is MJKLKat on Instagram. Man, now I'm just looking at pictures of Brad Pitt and Legends of the Fall. Good Lord. That'll happen. Oh, more like Legends of the Bulls! I'll take it.

Bye, everybody. Bye. Oh, yeah, we have this thing. Shout, shout. Shout. Let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on.

We're going to read that to you. Come on. I was too busy looking at pictures of Brad Pitt. Oh, and thank you guys so much for sending in your shout outs. And you can send in your own. shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com. Whatever the heck you'd like, send it on over to page seven podcast at gmail.com because we love reading it every week.

And I want to say my first thank you for the shoutout goes out to Katie. Katie says wanted to send a very special shout out to a new friend. But first, a shout out to you three. Y'all have been with me in my ears for so many milestones, surviving grad school, Starting my first post-grad job, getting sober. So, of course, it was only fitting that I found out I'm pregnant while listening to one of your recent episodes. Ah!

Congratulations, Katie! I'm so excited to usher baby Gunt into a world where we can listen to page seven together until they understand all the words, and then we'll take a break until they're a little older. So shout out to little baby Gunt, permanent name TBD. Welcome to the party, my friend, and much love, Katie, much love to you, much love to baby, God, congratulations, baby!

Next up, we've got Noel, aka Crab Queen. Crab Queen says, I'm writing in to give a huge shout out to my amazing partner, Matt, aka Mr. Crab Eyes, and also to myself. I have been at a job the past four years that was mentally taxing and took me away every weekend from my family. One weekend a few months ago, Matt found an amazing job opportunity for me and encouraged me to put my frustration into action to try to find a better situation for myself. And holy shit, not only did I get a response for an interview, I got a call the very next day that they wanted to hire me. I am now working in an amazing space, a beautiful botanical garden here and Athens, Georgia. It's been hard adjusting and battling imposter syndrome, which can be a real bitch.

But Mr. Crabeyes has had my back the whole time, encouraging me and reminding me that I do belong here. This didn't feel doable a few months ago, but I'm here, thriving and trying to remember that I can do hard things. I'm forever grateful to Mr. Crabeyes for being a supportive partner and reminding me that I do belong. Thank you all so much for being in my ear, making me me. laugh and think. You guys in the whole last pod team bring me so much joy. Wishing y'all the best and so much love to you. Beautiful crab queen. Congratulations. I know how hard it is to make that change and you friggin did it. Congrats, babe. And we've got another congrats going out to another baby Gunt. Alex says, just want to give a quick shout out to my wife, Katie, on her birthday. You're such an

amazing person and I'm so lucky to have you in my life. So excited that we're going to be parents together. Love you so much. Love Alex. P.S. Sorry being thick with child sucks sometimes. Oh, but I'm sure in a loving relationship like this, you are there for Katie as. as much as you can be, Alex, and I am so happy and proud of you both. Congratulations. Oh, and moving on to Emily and, oh, you know I love a self-shout. Emily says, I finally have a week off from school, so I wanted to send a self-shout as I just finished my second to last semester of my graduate social work program. I started the program in August of 2021 right after getting my bachelor's degree and will be graduating with a master's degree this December at age 24.

The program at my university is extremely intensive, takes two and a half years to complete, and involves four full semesters of unpaid social work internship. In the beginning of the program, I had a lot of imposter syndrome as I am neurodivergent, and many people in my courses were nearly a decade older than me. Two years later, I am now confident and self-assured that I will be a competent social worker who advocates for social justice and equity, especially for those in the neurodivergent and disabled communities. Despite being the youngest in most of my classes, my cohort of social work classmates respect my knowledge and experience, never treating me like I did not belong. My classmates helped me feel more comfortable being open about my autism, and I've been

able to educate both my cohorts and professors about autistic people and disability justice. The program is certainly not been easy, and it has been especially difficult to manage in the past year, as the stress of this heavy workload has significantly affected my energy level and motivation. During my one week off from school, I want to remind myself of my growth over the past couple of years and be proud of how far I have come. Despite the stress of school, I truly love social work and am so excited to make a difference in my community once I graduate this December. I'm so close. Before I close out, I also wanted to shout out everyone in at page 7 last podcast and the rest of LPN. I found last podcast last fall and started listening

to page 7 last December. Both shows have been my favorite entertainment to listen to during my few hours of free time each week. As a neurodivergent person with a special interest in cults, history, pop culture, and musical theater, each of y'all shows have provided an easy and entertaining way for me to engage in my interests. Given the negative subject matter, I learn about in my social work graduate classes, page seven provides a refuge and break from all the sad stuff. I love listening to you burst into song every week and always want to sing along. And I want to say thank you for the beautiful things you said towards each one of us and including Natalie from pop history.

And you say, we're so fun to listen to and I'm so glad I found your podcast. You are so welcome. I'm so happy that you're here, Emily. And congratulations with everything. you're so close. You got this in the bag, and I'm hopefully the worst is behind you, and you got this shit.

I'm so happy for you. And also, last but not least, I want to give a loving shout-out to our NERC-Server from our chat. Ashley says, I don't write in often, but had to after I heard last week's shout-out from Missy. When I pressed play

after I had stopped the podcast previously, it was on Missy's story of losing her father to alcoholism, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I also just lost my father in the same way, and was not there when it happened. It was sad but comforting to hear someone struggling with the same thoughts of shame and grief, but doing what they needed to take care of themselves anyways. So here is a shout-out to me and Missy, and anyone else who has lost someone to an addiction. There is nothing we could have done for them no matter how much guilt we may feel, but we can live our best lives now in their honor.

Also just one more little shout out to myself for deciding to become a stay-at-home mom, a life I never thought possible as a workaholic, but I am so happy I did and I'm killing it at this mom thing. Thanks for all the laughs and giving me a Friday break on Jackin' with the Holdies, much deserved, and so much. Love to you, Ashley, and love to you again, Missy. And thank you guys so much for sending in your shout-outs and for sharing your story, and because we touch each other.

And that's what our community is. And it makes me so happy. And thank you for reaching out and being vulnerable and sharing a little bit of yourselves every week. And again, you can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. We'll be back in a couple of weeks with our shoutouts. And I can't wait. I love you guys.

Have a beautiful week. And enjoy the rest of your August. We will miss you. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.