Page 7 - Ep. 506: Austin Powers Fever is Here to Stay

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

This week Jackie, MJ, and Holden are still sweatin' out that Austin Powers Fever but that ain't gonna stop them from gossin' 'bout catchin' hands from A24's Talk to Me, a brief update on the WizBru and Page 7 Tour featuring tattoos from great KAY BOAK and Kitty Konniption as well as Holden finally being able to wank freely in the hotel thanks to covid and Jackie accidentally getting a frozen forehead, Drew Barrymore disappointing us all, Joe Jonas getting called out for bein' a sneaky snake during his divorce to Sophie Turner, The Riverdale Finale changing how Jackie thinks about life!?, and In Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Has The Simpsons Known About Tom Cruise's Fish Fuckin' Since the Early 90's??, a behind the music style list, da blinds, Shoutzz and MOOOORE! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's time for more. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present. Release the butthole cut tour coming to you in September and October. Where are we heading in September, Jackie? We're going on September 12th. We're going to Nashville. We're going on September 13th to Atlanta, Georgia. And then I're going back to my hometown, September 14th of Tampa, Florida. In October, October 3rd, we're going to be in Detroit, Michigan.

October 4th. We're going to be in Columbus. And October 5th, we're going to be in Pittsburgh. Page 7 and Wizard the Bruiser present. it release the butthole cut tour you can find tickets at last podcast network dot com baby oh i've had this song stuck in my head for days and ooh it just goes around and around and all the women independent throw your hands up at me all the honeies are making money throw your hands up Throw your hands up at me.

All the ladies who truly feel me. Throw your hands on me. Girl, I did it all you get now like that. Charlie all your angel, get now like that. And I never am ever thinking about the Charlie's Angel movie, but in this instance, I am. This is the problem. You can't sing that song live on stage where it's not a bunch of fans start throwing a bunch of hands at you. You get pelted with hands.

That's the kind of world we're living in, all right? They're throwing everything these days. They go to the board. They go to the costume shop and the fake plastic ones. But there'll be real hands as well. Oh, no. Like the top, I hope it's at the talk to me hands. Actually, 824 is starting to sell the talk to me hands.

And I just saw it for a second time. What is it talking to me hand? Oh, my God. That's a horror movie. Because the face ain't listening. I was going to say, are you talking about talk to the hand? Because the face ain't. Yeah, first I thought it was that, yeah.

Now, it's a movie where I just. I know we're talking about the late 90s right now, but still. Based off the random glances at the trailer. They have to like touch this creepy dead hand to like be transported to like another, the after life. A dead world. Yeah, dead world. Okay, it sounds like you're making jokes about it, but it's genuinely a very scary. I know.

I want to see it. I want to see it real bad. Oh, I finally saw Saul for the first time. Is which the Bruiser's doing it? Oh, yeah. You're doing Sean. I might watch a couple more. I don't know if I watch all of them.

I don't think I do have to watch all of them. I think they diminish quite strongly in quality. Whoa. Diminishes a small. Strong word. Even the first one is the princess bride guy and his accent is so bad. Like, why wouldn't they just let him be British? Just let the guy.

He's a doctor. Let him be British. He's trying to do this American accent the whole time and he's just like, I can't bear it. One night to get to the store. Like it sounds like he's malfunctioning the whole movie. He's also like suffering a trauma, Holden. So why don't you think about that? Maybe he was too busy thinking about does he have to cut it off or can he leave it on?

What is cock, whatever, Jackie. Also, if he's, yeah, I get British to it. I'm like, oh, no, don't shoot me, sir. Please, don't. When I'm suffering so like that, I also get British. I just, no, you're just be smirching Carrie always right now, and it really hurts my heart because he's perfect. Oh my God, my wife and daughter have been kidnapped.

Oby, hi. I become British when the horrible things happen to me. Oh, speaking of O behave, could I tell you how many times in real life I have referenced Austin Powers since we did the rewatch man. And it is going over really well. And what I'm specifically referencing is my favorite scene in Austin Powers, the one where he tries to turn around in the hallway. And I had forgotten about it.

And now it's back in my head. And now I just keep referencing it. The other day at the playground, a kid was trying to do a three-point turn on a power wheel. And I said, it's like the scene in Austin Powers. I killed. All right. So I'm just saying.

Yeah, did all the parents go, yes. All the parents did. Everyone's like, oh, my God, I remember that. So, thank you. a similar post on Reddit to our takeaway of the first movie where they were like, I just rewatched all the Austin Power movies, and this is crazy to say out loud, but he's

weirdly respectful to women the entire time, and it's crazy that that holds up in 2023, like the way he is, you know, with, yeah, the one woman, and he's like, let's white till you don't drink a Drew in the morning hours. Right? Were you suffering

a trauma right now, Holden? Do you even talk about this? The trauma of rewatching Austin Powers, no, that's not traumatic at all. I love it and Austin Powers Fever is here to stay and I demand a full Austin Power's wing at Universal Studios Hollywood. All right. All right. Maybe you're going to get it, Holden. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Just slap it on the Jurassic Park ride. Just put a curly wig on the Tyrannosaurus and have them just give him bad tea. No, put a murkin on the T-Rex. And so as you're dropping, you see the big wet murkin just like.

stuck to the side of it. Yeah. Make the little ones like mini-me, or what, yeah. Have you guys started learning about these dinosaurs yet? I feel like I'm learning a lot more because Sina is learning about dinosaurs because our friend Sina has a two-year-old. His hero dinosaur crazy.

I'm learning about the moon over here. Oh, you're learning about the moon. It's in my house. Madness. Because apparently dinosaurs are completely different than what we were taught because they've learned so much more about dinosaurs since we were kids. Well, can I tell you a little something about a waning gibbis? Sure, hit me. Give me, I want two moon facts.

It's what I call my death! That's not a moon fact. I asked for a moon fact. I was trying, I'm trying to, like, let's learn here. Holden, please, moon fact. The moon is mad. You don't know anything about the moon. You are lying about what you're learning about the moon. It's very hard to be a parent because your kid will be like, why does the moon have different shapes? And you'll be like, oh, I should know this. Can I say it? I don't know. I do not know. I looked up yesterday. I was recording Ice Planet Barbarians for our Patreon.

And they were, one of the barbarians was asking, why do humans kiss? And I was like, why do humans kiss? And I just lost, this is, I mean, my ADHD is showing, I lost about 25 minutes of time reading these different, like, dissertations about, you know, the oxytocins and the... Well, it would be gross to rub our noses together because of, of snot and bugs, it would be gross to rub our eyes together. Yeah, but at the same time your mouth is under, you've, you've never gotten your partners, snot or bugs in your mouth before. Yes, you have.

Not that I can remember. If they're, like, if they're, like, really sick and you accidentally. I never making out with a crying spouse. Like, you are constantly doing a jump because you're constantly just, I know he's had my boogers in his mouth. Right, right, because you're just like, ah, you're going to make out with me. Yeah, because you get to kiss because the oxytocin and the, the dopamine. And I say, you're my serotonin. I go, you're my serotonin. I don't need a phone.

You give me my serotonin. Yeah, that voice is awesome to do when you're trying to make someone attracted to you. Very horny. Oh, that's my horny time voice. Speaking of horny time voice, we just got back from Tor. And man, there is nothing hornier than MJ and I sharing a room together. That's not true. I love you, M. but there's nothing horny about it. I love you too, but we all know that our sex drives take a plummet when we are on tour. And honestly, thank God. Can you imagine?

Can you imagine an old raw dog McNeely over here? Just like swinging it around? I did get summoned, though, because Jake had to quarantine for Tampa. So I got a couple blasters in in an old F-L-O-R-I-D-A. Because we had a COVID takedown of old Jake. By the fucking way, how is this? I throw my hands up now with all of it. All three of us didn't get it.

All three of us didn't get it. We were with him. I shared a hotel with him, multiple nights. We shared a car with him for hours and hours, green rooms, everything. Honestly, I think it is, I think it has to be a cat's miracle. I think, you know, our show is all about lifting the curse, and maybe this is evidence that we are doing it. We're lifting the curse.

And it's not even a question is we are five days out from our last exposure with him. PCR tests have been taken. Oh yeah. Several at home rapids. None of us had it. And we all had cold symptoms. I throw my hands up. I don't get it any.

I don't know. I don't understand it. But we did come home with tattoos. Yes. And Holden got his first tattoo. He didn't cry at all. And I loved it because Lexi's first question to me was did Holden cry? She expected you to cry.

No sense to me. That makes no sense to me. I think I've only seen you cry like twice and I've known you for 20 years. Yeah, well, I am an emotional person, but not at like pain stuff. No, I meant, yes, I meant more of that, like, I've seen you cry about like, oh, I saw a dog. Yes, and I've seen that. Yeah, I always cry when I see a dog. That's how that sounds when he cries.

Oh, oh, oh, I suck. I always. I always cry when I see a dog, you know, and that is a thing about me. But other than that, I don't really cry that much. But it was not, I got it, by the way, prefaces with, I got it upper arm. I think that may be the least painful place. Is there a less painful place to get in the upper arm? Possibly your thigh, which is where I got mine.

Right, right. I thought I could fall asleep. Yeah, I was bracing myself for this, but I was trying to, I think it was kind of a fun exercise of like the whole thing I was trying to not think too hard about or not like, like, like let go of any anxiety about it. It's like, we're getting the tattoo. You've signed up for this. It's happening now.

I kind of love my position too was like, we're going to do you first because you're like the newbie and we don't want you to like change your mind, which I'm. I was like, thank you because that's great. I don't want a moment of hesitation here. I really want to enter into this situation fully clean of brain and mind and heart. And then she puts the needle down on me and I'm just like, this is it. And I will say, that was the initial part. But also, she's a very good tattoo artist.

Her name is K. K-A-Y-B-O-A-K tattoo. K-B-O-A-K-B-Tattoo. Look her up on Instagram. She did these. She hit us up and was like, hey, come to Chattanooga. I'd love to give you guys tour tattoos. And she, like, made it all happen.

She brought another tattoo artist as well. Also look up Kitty Ryan. It is Kitty Connipion, K-I-T-Y, K-O-N-N-I-P-T-I-O-N. Kitty Connipion did Jake's tattoo, which is absolutely unbelievable. And they do very, like, anime-inspired tattoos that look incredible. Oh, my God. The work that they do is just so incredible. and now MJ and I both have Riverdale tattoo.

We sure do. And this is the thing about a tattoo. Again, just like Holden was saying, you got to try to not think too hard about it. I've always liked tattoos because it's kind of a, what will every adult say to you, every, you know, older adult say to you if you are a young adult thinking about a tattoo,

you got to make a decision that's going to last forever. You really want something now that's going to last forever. No, because then you're going to, you know, because I feel like that's one of my brother's never going to get a tattoo because he's very indecisive. And so I'm just like, I would hate to be stuck in that. You just gotta do it.

It's a commitment to the now. It's a commitment to the now. It's the memory of it. Like it is, now I look at it and I remember, remember when we like dashed to Chattanooga real fast in the middle of two tour dates? On our way from Nashville to Atlanta,

we stopped off and got these tattoos. We woke up at five in the morning to make this happen. By the way, we should describe, I got a flamingo. Jake got a one piece inspired tattoo, which is very cool,

a gum gum, but I forget the name of the thing. but it's the face with the eye and you color it in when you set a goal and you color it in when... I know it's a really cool idea and I can't remember the name of the thing. Like a Daruma, I believe, or something like that.

And then MJ and Jackie got... Forget it, Jughead. It's Rivade. It's very cool with this kind of line drawing Jughead crown and it's awesome. And yeah, I'm super happy with it. I'm already like thinking like, how would I add on to this and yada, yada, yada,

and stuff like that. But I will say if you're worried about pain, get it on a upper arm or something like that. I honestly like, it got a little spicy, like definitely when she was like coloring it in. This is the other thing. Not to like gender this up too much,

but I'm also, we were talking about. I don't like with this. I don't like what you're about to say. It's never a good caveat. It used to be a much more male-led industry tattoo artist. Yeah, yes. I think you're going to be like,

boys don't cry. Boy, yeah, boys don't feel pain. And girls do. Women have people. She is seen. I was like, Madonna, I'm spicy today, all right? It's more than giver. It's more that there's more of a, but this still might piss people off, but whatever.

There's more, I think I will opt to always get a tattoo from a lady that seems like they have a good bedside manner when it comes to tattoo art. You know what I mean? Now, if I get that vibe from a dude or anything. Someone with a lighter hand as well. Or just someone who at least has like, I don't know, kind of lighter qualities. I don't even say feminine qualities, but more sensitive qualities. That's why you look at their tattoos, to honestly, to see, like, because some people also want more of, like, an aggressive, like, deeper, bigger, bolder piece.

And some people more prefer, like, you know, like, I've got this fork on my arm that really needed a light, gray scale touch. But I think that shit looks cool. Yes. That's what I like. That kind of look I like. Super sweet tattoo. I will take you to your next place. That is where we're going to go.

You know, so, yeah, it's just one of those where it's like not to get too deep into this. kind of thing, but I do think it's really interesting how the culture has changed drastically from what it used to be, and it used to be much more of a, let's get in there, you know what I mean? And like, dig into there with these needles. You know what I mean? Not what I'm looking for. I got tattoos. I kept, this was a real reckoning with how old I am, because I kept, everyone kept saying,

how long since your last tattoo? And I was like, about a decade. I got it when I was 20. Turns out that's much longer ago than a decade. Oh, no, that's the worst. That's much significantly longer. I recently changed. I upped it. Every time I talked about everybody here at the network, I'm like, yeah, I've known everybody for like 10, 15 years. I'm like, you know what? We are way closer to 20 now, so I've known everybody for 20 years. I know. Isn't that a shift? 20, MJ, 20. Oh, I know. And the approximately 20 years ago when I got my first tattoo, it really was. It was like, which is the least sketchy place? I mean, I don't mean to badmouth people who were doing tattoos in the early 2000s. It was just a very different time. And definitely it was like, okay,

No, my second tattoo was done by a, he was a Vietnam era tattoo artist. He was an old, grizzled dude. And like the tattoo, while I'm happy with the memory, is very much an old, very old school style of tattoo. And that does not look good anymore. Right. And it just like, it didn't grow well with my skin.

And now it just looks like a big blob. Yeah. But, you know, that's okay because I got that tattoo with my mom. And my mom and I had like a really weird fun experience together because my mom had never gotten a tattoo and I just remember her getting the tattoo and she looked at me and she was like, you think this hurts?

Good one having a child. And I was like, don't say this to me. I am 20 years old. Did you think it hurt a lot that first one? Yes, but I also had no like comparison. My first tattoo I was 17, so like I had no comparison to what pain was. Like I was very lucky that it's 17. I didn't really know that much pain.

Right. So, like, I thought it was really painful. But now when I got this thigh one done, I was like, blah, fine, this is easy. Yeah. But again, it was probably that guy probably fucking dug in. Yes, he got ew. But that guy probably was, like, way too aggressive. And that's why I would look for a, just a lighter touch.

Yes. For sure. Which I completely understand. I think there's a vibe you can get, a more sophisticated approach to a tattoo. That's why I always look at the work of your artist before going in to get. Yeah, I think it really just comes down to seeing a level of shading. or fine line work. Yes.

Because there's also like really good line artist stuff that I like a lot that doesn't have a lot of shading, but you can tell like, oh, this person gets, you know, this person has like a fucking fine, like it is like... Bro, you're going to start watching Inkmaster. Yeah, well, I do. Inkmaster will suck you in. But now that you've got them, you're going to watch it in the end.

So you start like seeing all these things. Sorry, I'm also looking at myself in the video because I got too much Botox. Let's talk about my. We had a really intense week last week. There was like a lot of high highs and some lo-loos. The potox actually was pretty chill. Yes.

It took us about a day. It was just so an alert at all times. I thought I was constantly being about to be stabbed or hit by a car or something. For the first day of tour last week. By the way, more tour coming. Our last official week that we know of of tour, October, 3rd, 4th, and 5th, Detroit, Columbus, Pittsburgh. Get your tickets.

Last podcast on the left. We just came off of... Podcast Network.com. Oh, my God. What am I saying? Lastpodcastnetwork.com. We just came off of a really, really, really intense week. High highs, low lows.

And it took me, Holden, and Jake, about a day where all three of us were wondering if Jackie was like a little upset. And it turns out it's just that half of her forehead is frozen with Botox. And so I need every listener right now. Put your two fingers in between your eyebrows and hold them down. and then make like a happy surprised face like oh and then look at a mirror and notice what it looks like is like you're frowning like a maniac and no I look like the joker because only the edges of my eyebrows move up and down right so like because she because I told her I was like I I use my face for performing so I don't need to and she goes okay I give you more and I was like no no no wait okay well and then I was sitting there and because I'm a people and people pleaser and this is something I'm going to talk about in therapy tomorrow. I was just like, okay.

And then now I've got too much Botox. And I can't move most of my face. But your lower face is fine. So if you want to see what it looks like, Royal Oak, Michigan, Columbus, Ohio, Pennsylvania, October 3rd, 4th, and 5th. That is just a couple, less than two weeks away. Please come out and join us. I keep capturing.

I just keep seeing myself in the Zoom out of the corner of my eye and I'm like, man, it's just not moving. Right. Because Jackie's very expressive. And she didn't get any in her lower face because she wants to be able to be expressive. And I will say her forehead looks fantastic. So smooth. My forehead ain't ever going to look that smooth again unless I get the talks.

But it does also look. I just need everyone to picture. What if only the outsides of your eyebrows moved and the insides stayed still? Because it is a little scary. And I did spend about 24 hours being like, Jackie's very interested in what I'm saying. Is she excited? Also, they put Botox like right close to like the inner parts of my eye, like in my nose bridge so that it, like my nose doesn't come up as much. So when I laugh, it looks like I'm trying to like hold back a lot.

Like I'm like, it looks like I'm making that sound. It's great because it doesn't have, you don't have like the Jen Shah like filler look. And so I wouldn't have even recognized that you had gotten. Botox because I don't know what to look for. I know what to look for filler, but I don't know what to look for Botox, but now I know if they got- Like Ariana Grande. At least I'm not crying about it. Ariana Grande crying about how she used to get too much filler. I understand it's not about the fact she's not crying because she used to get too much filler. But like the idea of her being like, and then I put the filler in again. Like I also have like dealt with my getting Botox,

like emotionally like I've already talked about. I've talked my process. my Botox getting and I understand that's why I can openly talk about it but Ariana Grande did this like interview where she was talking about how she used makeup as a disguise and she was doing tons of lip injections. I just wish she would replace makeup with other races. That's the more of part of I thought was interesting. She's like kind of the hilaria pop music but go on. It's a little bit of hilaria.

But I didn't realize until they showed an older picture of her how different she did look because I didn't grow up with Ariana Grande, so I didn't spend my time staring at her face. So I never realized how different she looked. Totally. I mean, she is a bit of a fucking chameleon for sure with the previous COVID put it there as well. It is, I totally get it. I mean, I think that's cool if she's like trying to kind of embrace more realness or something or whatever it is. I think, I think that could be interesting.

I wonder what, like, her real, I wonder like if she dug deep down inside and was like, this is the music within me truly. I wonder what that would sound like because I don't think we've heard it yet. Because like, especially if you've seen her on like Fallon, wow, look what happened to him, by the way. Oh, wow, I was dropping. We didn't even get talking about that.

That passed by too. Yeah, I know. We missed a lot. Do we talk about it? No, we did not talk about Fallon. Drew Barrymore, Danny Masters, and Russell Brand. There's a lot.

I know, we're over here talking about the details of tattoo advice. It's a lot. There's a lot. A small, definitely a portion of that we'll be chatted about on the leftovers. For sure. We're going to do as much as we can here on the

night of emails. But I will say this about that. Check us out. Patreon.com 4 slash page 7 podcast, the leftovers. We get into some of the spicier stuff. We will be talking about some of that stuff in this episode for sure.

Yeah, we've got to get into it. That said, you know, when she'd be on Fallon, I mean, she can imitate like any singer. It's incredible. Like, she is a total chameleon to the point where she's one of those people where I'm like, who is the real Ariana.

You think we're going to get, do you think we're ever going to get it? Yeah, I think when she, because what it is, is I think she can't become fully herself until she takes 20 to 30 men's souls. I think she's a hand in the mouth, 10 to 15, so we're getting close.

Well, she has officially filed for divorce from old Dalton, so. He's totally, he's like, he's like shriveling, you know, the little creatures, a little mermaid, you know what I mean? Yes. Right?

Yeah, she's keeping those in like a little underground Fortress. These are like, oh, they're all like withered away, dudes. You know, sponge bombs down there and be like, hey, please, I'm back into my career. Remember death becomes her? I feel like I understand

sometimes you got to suck out some essence to keep your youth. And as a tax user, I understand that way. The tox comes from. I get it. Yeah, it's from the souls of men. Yeah, it's just the gelatinous sludge that is just reeked

out from the men that I I suck up into my body. But then I'm Isabella Rosalini. And is that not worth it? Unbelievable. All right. All right. We'll talk about the apology video.

We got to talk about that. I was going to say, we also. The apology video is kind of fun. So tell me about this. You said that the Ashikuchar Milakunis apology video. The, can I try to do like a 15 second overview? I'm sure everybody knows the basics. And then we, I want to let's, let's, in case, if you.

if you have not read into this or have you chosen not to read into this, I understand. Please, MJ, give us a quick rundown of what a horrible piece of shit Danny Masterson is. Yeah, obviously we're going to talk, you know, content note here for discussions of a celebrity who just had a massive trial with two rape allegations who was found guilty. Danny Masterson, there was three different accusers in this trial. He ended up, he ended up being convicted from two different accusers. And so after the fact, it was leaked that Ashton Coocher and Milakunas had both written letters to the judge. These were not public statements. There were letters to the judge for sentencing consideration.

And those letters leaked. And they are like character letters, meaning, you know, I think that this is something that happens, like where you can say, well, this is the person I know or whatever. And that was kind of what the letters were, except the problem with that, is that it came off really, really, really, really rough. Because, yes. Well, especially for two people who were like, or at least, I don't know about Mila, but Ashton is like. Both of them. She does times up. Both are both.

She does all this times up, advocacy. And all this kind of stuff. And don't know, don't worry. Real quick, Mila up top was just like, like I don't support victims. I know. It was really like, do you know my work? And it's like, oh my. All the previous stuff is dark, but the funny part that you can look at is the apology

video. These apology videos, man. And Drew Barrymore, I'm looking at you too. We'll talk about you in a second. Oh, my God. I can't wait to talk about hers, actually. Man, if you look, there's a picture that someone pulled of their actual backyard and then they show you the weird crickety wooden wall that they're like in front of, which is

stylistically made to look like that. But it is this giant wooden wall as a part of it. this huge mansiony outdoor pool setting with these like ridiculous views. But of course they, you know, we're all just starting to really glom on to all the wiring behind. And also I want to say it wasn't because at first when I first saw where people had figured out where they recorded the video. I was like, oh, that's kind of yucky that you're just like looking at pictures of their backyard. Except that there was a full spread in architectural digest about their backyard. See their home is.

This is not like people did that like this. I mean, they were snooping, but they were snooping stuff that was like, was done on purpose. But it's all the bullshit. It's the makeuplessness. Yes. He's wearing like a plain white t-shirt. They both look very sad.

But are they sad because of the convicted rapist or are they sad because they got in trouble? They look sad because they got in trouble. They got in trouble. I'm getting a lot more of a toxic gossip train vibe of begrudgingly halting to make statement where they never actually own up and then totally misstep so hard on stuff like we didn't think anyone was going to see it

you don't need to say that you don't need to say that your PR team is like advising you to be in front of this wooden wall and wear makeup and do all this stuff it's kind of hilarious and amazing that they still had so many gaffes in the apology and it was so begrudge for such talented actors

you know you just it's shocking to see like you're not even be able to hide how forced you are to read this directly off of a script, which is also something everybody made a comment. Like, you're clearly reading from a script. I think that was supposed to be performative sadness, but it came off as performative, like, grumpiness. It was just a, it was, yes, again, these are two skilled actors.

And also, people who have been in public life for many decades now. Their entire lives. And so it's, like, there is a, like, we could silo off the question of, like, should you write a sentencing letter, privately to a judge. In this case, I think that if they did that, you should, and like, I'm not going to get into, like, we can say that the criminal justice system does not provide justice, and also it is the only tool that we have to provide justice, and that it is constantly failing to provide justice for victims of rape and sexual assault. So, like, that is,

and so even if they wrote private letters to the judge, thinking they wouldn't be leaked, they weren't statements, thinking they weren't, and they didn't come out and give a press conference. We think Danny Masters is a great guy. Okay, fine, fair. They should have been extremely specific to say, none of this is to say that we don't believe the victims of the accusers.

None of this is to say that we aren't devastated to find this out. They should have been so clear about their support for what is a harrowing set of stories that these accusers have been vindicated. It's not like I don't believe the survivor errs. Yes, and so she is like, how dare you? She's like, well, obviously my work speaks for itself kind of situation.

And it's like the whole thing about the times we're living in that was you can't just like have a good record and then be fine for the rest of your life. You have to keep having a good record. If you have a good record and then you fuck up, unfortunately you are still liable to be called out. And so they just, the letters themselves were, came off as like too supportive of Danny Masterson, which is, I think, an extremely fair criticism. And then in lieu of that criticism, they sit in front of their blankest wall they could find and give these very grumpy, like, oh, we didn't mean to, if anybody was hurt, we'd mean to.

Yeah, and it was like, it was totally a non-apology. We didn't, like, if anyone was hurt by our actions, that is unfortunate type of situation. And, yeah, and I, and it's, it's just something where, again, this is not anybody's first rodeo in terms of finding out. And, and Christina Ricci had a great statement, which is, Like, if you can talk about the character of somebody you know, and especially if you are writing a private letter to a judge, whatever, if you want to say that there's a time and place for that,

but to not then say, and I believe that, I believe that this, that he did this. Right. Because what Christina Ritchie said is, this is exactly what rapists are. Of course you know rapists. Of course you know somebody who's accused of rape is also a nice guy to you.

Like, that's the whole kind of point. It doesn't mean that people don't deserve due process and whatever, but it does mean that to sit, It's just, again, incredibly tone deaf for them to be like, well, it seemed like a nice guy to us without then also just. You were going to read it. Yes. It's so, you know what needs to happen. We need a renaissance and apology videos.

The next apology video, I want to see full makeup and hair, like a team worked on you. You're in this like Shays lounge with like a beautiful backdrop with like a glass of champagne. Like with a flash dance. Like all of a sudden like a flash mob happens. And yes. Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. I was too busy in my chaise lounge, you know, counting the minutes.

Like how Mariah Carey would give an apology video. Yeah, I want to see a little more judge in this because we all see through the homely, bullshitty thing. Well, we also were talking about this before we started recording as well. We were seeing through now that all of us are so familiar with the PR machine. We were talking about this a little bit with Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner's divorce, where we can so clearly see like, you know, this is. This is Joe Jonas's PR team trying to get out ahead of, and in fact, I even saw that Sophie

Turner had asked him to hold off on publicly doing anything or getting a divorce lawyer until she got back to the States because she's shooting something in the UK and he just didn't listen to each up to head. So he wanted to get ahead of the story. And no one fucking bought it. No one bought it. But this is the first time I've seen anything like this, dude. There's the first time I've seen social media actually react to news stories being like,

I'm calling bullshit. This is clearly your PR people trying to get ahead of the story. Oh, she parties too much and you like to stay at home. Wow, what a picture. I'm just such a devoted father. Our marriage didn't work out. It isn't. I mean, it's smart.

It's smart strategy. When really the story was is that she became unfun. I think what clearly seems to be the case is as newer reports have come out, she became severely unfund to him because she like did this fuddy-duddy thing and had two of his kids. And after that point, she didn't really want to leave the house. very much because like she's like dealing with two very young children and it's really hard to get out of the house and he's like touring and having fun and she won't go to all he won't go she won't go to all this concert i know and everyone was like upset because she didn't go to every single one of the Jonas brothers concert i mean it's like yeah she's doing all this shit how old was she when he met him and how old was he and we all see that as well and make our judgments off of that interesting situation where she's like in her early 20s he's like in his no i think that she was 19 19 yeah yeah so he was 27 and we all so So, you know, and he's this big pop star, I don't know, and she's like just kind of just becoming some. Anywho, the whole thing, he tried to domesticate him, but the whole thing is ridiculous.

And we see through this shit now so hard. All these apology videos, all of this PR stuff when people are breaking up and everyone's breaking up. So it's like crazy right now with all of that. Oh my God, is everyone's partnership fine? Everybody fine? We're all fine over here. Are you about to get divorce? No divorce so over here.

But if we are on the bad apology video train, can we please do? talk about Drew Barrymore. Talk about Drew Barrymore. Whose praises we were just singing on this show. And boy, were we correct about how her nice personality is nice. In Mo's being like, wow, did you see what happened to your girl? You were talking so great about it.

It's like, yeah, I didn't see that. She still, I didn't know this. I see it. She's a great talk show host. Yeah, she's just a fucking terrible. I mean, it sucks. I don't like this because I love how she does her interviews. I didn't expect her to be a fucking idiot about you.

unions. No. Well, to be fair, she has rescinded, so she decided she was going to put her show back on the air and, you know, cross that picket line and do all the... Yeah, she was going to cross the line. And, but also then in turn, like, every person that would be coming on her show would also be crossing the line. Would they not?

Like, wouldn't that, like, that's what I didn't. Yeah. I didn't quite understand that. You're then asking my guests to come on and really all you have are the guests at this point, because you don't have writers. what are you going to do? You have to have these high-profile guests, so you're then asking them to cry.

It's no good. And I'm sorry, we are talking about a person who has been an actor since she was a child, so she's been in a union longer than most people in America. She knows how unions work. The fact that she's just like, I don't, I mean, we started this show in a pandemic, and so I just think people really need us.

I know, trying to make it akin to pandemic. I thought we could do this. No matter what's going on in the world. Girl, what's going on in the world? the world is a labor strike. You can't skirt that and then be like, well, the people need me. No, the writers need you.

Like, what are you thinking? To stand up for them. The writers need you to be in solidarity with them. The writers, nobody needs your show so much. I just, what if I just did it without the writers because I did it during the pandemic? No, don't you understand? MJ, every morning I wake up and I go,

Where is he? Drew, Drew, come back. And even if. No one can tell because my four. And even if you are doing it in the name of helping all the other people get, keep their jobs, right, or continue to work and make money, right? You're still just perpetuating bad labor practices for them as well by crossing this line. You know what I mean?

I mean, John Oliver is out here doing stand-up sets, making money, and then paying his writers who are striking. Like, there's totally so many ways that she could stand in solidarity with her, with writers. and to just pretend, what if I just do this show while everyone else is on strike? Because everybody needs me. Sorry, Drew, that is not how a strike works. The whole point is that you don't do the work to show the value of the work. And it is just shocking to see this from somebody whose life has been made immeasurably better because of the union she is in.

The union she has always been in. Also, I do want you to check out Strike Force Five. Strike Force Five is also the podcast, the Jimmy Kimmel, John Oliver, Seth Meyer, Stephen Colbert, and Jimmy Fallon have been doing, and all the money they're making from that. They're also putting back in the riders. Valence memes to his staff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, he's making a podcast?

He's also making a podcast. I gotta go listen to it now because of all that stuff. I wonder if that, is he still doing that podcast? I got to chill, look into that now. I think he did a, he did a sorry, too, but it was like a tweet, sorry, not a video. He did do a story. Also, though, I'm just going to throw this out there. I don't know what world we live in where a person with their fucking name and lights on

the billboard for a daily talk show isn't kind of a nightmare to work for. Got to be. Maybe Drew Barrymore is like an anomaly in that way. No, well, Drew Barrymore was nice and now she's bad. So I just, I don't know what, what, how this works where we're going to get some person whose name is the name of the show. It's going to be me. That's what I want.

I want it to be me. Jackie, I'll tell you right now, you will immediately be a nightmare if your name was in life. What do you mean? She's going to get the Botox on the outside of her eyebrows, so we're really not going to know what she's feeling. You'll never know. You'll never know what I'm feeling. Dude, I'd be terrified, too. I would take the job.

I need the money. Every day. You're now, you're my ottoman today. Get to the floor. To the floor. Oh, at least I don't have to be the chair today. At least I can be the Ottoman. Oh, you chair.

Ottoman today. Chair tomorrow. Don't say that to the empire. Come on, out of an empire, guys. Autumnair, everybody. Slurs you love to say in the morning. Well, that's what my Ottoman time. Yeah, that's what happens.

That's your Ottoman time. Yeah, yeah, we know. 9 to 915, you're Ottoman time. Then it's scream at the cameraman time. Oh, but just think of my fits. Think of how great my fits would be as a daytime talk show. Exactly. Everybody like, you go, girl.

You be like, yeah, everybody's beautiful. Next up, we've got listened. And I'm beaten everybody. No. Everyone's getting beaten and everybody's eating a banana out of my ass first day. I'll be interested to see the talk show

where the person isn't like some version of a nightmare and how that talk show comes off and what that talk show is. But until we get that point, I'm not shocked that Jimmy Fallon was maybe a challenged award. Well, this was a total, like I'll talk about a total open secret.

Everybody knew a lot of that he was like kind of, yeah, that was one of those exposé, that expose is kind of where you're like, oh, yeah. You could just like run into him the lower east side. He'd just be hammered like most nights. Yeah. Anyways, but Drew Barrymore. She apologized. But she at least had, she did have makeup on in the apology video.

Did she? But it was very light. It was slight. It was like to show how sad she is. I think she added a couple rings under the eyes. And what makes hers the All Star apology video is that it was truly, I mean, nothing will ever be toxic gossip train, but it was truly a non-apology video because she's crying and she's talking about how just important the work is. and I didn't want to hurt any writers. And how good she is to be.

And then at the end, she's like, so we're going to keep doing it? And of course, now she's like, we're not going to do it. But like, the video is literally you're being like, I am so sorry, but I'm going to continue scabbing. And then she had to be like, and I am once again, sorry, and now I'm not going to continue scabbing. And Bill Maher even, I'm shocked.

Actually, Bill Maher rescinded because he's much more of a shithead on this kind of stuff. And he even rescinded. And I didn't even know Jennifer Hudson's show was also going to try to get back on the air. And my argument is out to them. This is a daily show. I mean, other people are like, I'm just not going to, like, make a movie for the next year. Of course, it sucks.

It totally sucks. And that's right. I feel like that's, anytime there's a strike, like, when the UPS drivers were about to strike, people were like, well, people need packages. And it's like, yeah, that's the point. It's supposed to suck.

You have to show them. It has to burn. It's a tattoo. It's got to hurt a little bit to fucking get the results. I'm sorry, Drew Barrymore. You know what I mean? And yeah, like I also feel for you, Drew Barrymore, you're doing a great job. Everybody loves you.

Here at page seven, we love your interview style. And it must suck to not be able to do your show. And you feed off of that love. You need that love to exist and survive in the world without the love from thousands and millions of people. Yeah. You can't wake up in the morning and have your avocado toast and feel right. But you got to stand with the unions. You just got to.

You absolutely have to. And now she is. I guess I just don't even understand when she's like saying that I, take full responsibility for it. And then she also, in the same set, it's like, and it's bigger than me. It's, but it's bigger than me. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a huge. But you're the one who makes the decision. Yeah. Right. On it. So it's actually, the buck starts and stops with you.

So it's you fucking everybody over because it's like, it's a domino effect. Like, you really would be like one of the leading examples of like, this is how the strike fell apart. part in 2023. Drew Barrymore and Bill Mar put their shows back on the air and that was the beginning of the end. So fuck off.

That's the thing. And I feel like if anybody's listening is like, okay, you guys are getting a little heated or whatever. It's like, this is truly like solidarity or nothing. Like if she start just as like, well, I'm just going to do it without the writers, then writers are fucked.

Like it really is important to not do work when people are on strike. Tatea's getting that football deep. Oh, you're going to bring up Travis Kelly. I thought we were going to not bring up Taylor Taylor. I know we're about to get an email about how we talked way too little about issues in the world and way too much about Taylor Swift this episode. But I still would like to highlight that she's getting that football, D-Doc! Man, you know what?

I say God bless it. Everyone's just so thrilled that he's not British and he has muscular things happening. Well, I think also, I believe that there's, you know, I think that he seems to be a clean slate. A nice person. He has said anything about ice spice or, you know, ice or even pumpkin spice. Also, I would throw it out there, not bad on the ice. Oh, yeah. This one.

He's very like, this old Travis. I love how Taylor Swift's boyfriends and Kendu running for president, you literally have to have, like, the most sparkling. You know, at least while running for the president was in 2012. But you have to have the most sparkling fucking reputation and have done nothing wrong. You know what I mean? And it's so funny. No, man. She is like many of us where it just, you got to get through a lot of stinkers before you find a good one.

And speaking of stinkers, I know it's a crabbier episode, but I will also throw out there. I'm not crabby. You just can't see it on my face. I got to throw a shot at Drake, too. You fucker. He even called Hallie. All right. So Halliberry's best obvious.

He used, he wrote. I'm guessing the song, it's called slime on you. So I'm guessing it's about coming on a woman, all right? And he's used this, like, from the Nickelodeon award show. It's called Slime You Out, by the way. Slime You Out. I don't know, maybe it's not about coming, but it kind of seems like that's the idea. If it's not about coming, I'm going to be very surprised.

He used this, oh my God, Jaggy's on the case right now. I can hear the clicking and the clacking the keys. But then he was like, I want to use this picture of Hallie Berry with, like, Nickelodeon slime all over from an event. And then Hallie Barry was like, yeah, I did. not consent to this picture being used. And actually he even called me and asked my permission. I said no. And he still fucking did it.

And that fact is what pisses me out. It would be one thing if he cleared the rights on it, but he just forgot to ask her or just didn't think he needed to ask her. And he, no, no. He called her on the phone, asked for her permission. She said no. And then he just went with it. Jackie's trying to make a face, but we can't tell what it is

because of the Botox. So we need to hear what she has to say. I just I just, I just laughing so much because I'm reading the lyrics I'm reading the lyrics and I'm just like but wait what does slime and you out mean what does it mean so I just had to look up getting slime what does slime me out mean

and I just feel like I'm a thousand years old that I just had to type in what does slime me out what do we learn what does it say it's to get crossed or backdoored mostly after you did something foul or suspicious what it's not about cum he was moving fishy so he got slime down oh so it's not come it's not come it's not

come. That, well, all right, I'll eat my hat. Well, either way, she didn't want it. Eat your hat. Take that out of. I didn't eat your head. Put it in your mouth. I just think that sucks, so you asked somebody and they said no and you fucking use it anyway.

That's a dog shit move. I just love, too, that it's another celebrities are so full of themselves thing, just like Milan, Nashden, and Drew Barrymore, where they just like, no, they shouldn't do it, and they do it anyway, and then they get called out for it, where it's just like, you ask and you're like, but I'm Drake. Drake always gets a yes. She said no, I'll put it anyway. Because I'm Drake, they throw the brawls at me.

I'm Drake. Yeah, Drake is very annoying. Drake is talking about mid, you know. Yeah. Oh, well, no one's saying anything is mid. No one's talking about mid. Right. We're saying what people are saying is mid these days.

We get extra. We're not talking about this. I think it's time for a conspiracy theory. Uh-oh. Hit me with a share. Do you believe it? Has The Simpsons known about Tom Cruise's fish fucking since the early 90s? I'm so glad we're doing this one.

Troy McClure. It's time. I think we've gotten a few of these, but I'm giving it up to Steph. This one comes from Steph who writes, I was recently rewatching Golden Age episodes of The Simpsons. I wonder if you've gotten to this one yet, Jackie, by the way. No, not yet. I was treated with the hilarious Troy McClure-driven episode of Fish called Selma,

which centers around actor Troy McClure's reemergence into the public. public eye after starting a relationship with Marge's sister Selma. It's a great episode. Throughout the episode, there are several references to Troy's unnatural attention to fish. Here are some of the best references of Troy's fish fetish. Homer says, you know his bizarre personal life. Those weird things they say he does down at the aquarium. Then Mart says, oh, Homer, that's just an urban legend. People don't do that type of thing with fish. Later in the episode, Louis says, I thought you said Troy McClure was dead. Fat Tony says, no, what I said is that he sleeps with the fishes. Then later on, Troy says,

as hot damn, I'm going to Sea World when he gets good news. And then let's not forget, Troy lives in a rundown 80-style aquarium house. Now, this could just be an outrageous idea thought up by the Simpsons writers, but allow me to roll out my red thread. A fish called Selma aired in March 1996, but by this time Tom Cruise was capital M, capital S movie star. Top Gun was already been out for 10 years, and 1996 was a big year for Tom with both Mission and Impossible.

and Jerry McGuire. I remember this time for him. This is huge. This is like peak Tom. Oh, I love Jerry McGuire. Oh, yeah. Being out in the public eye for that long would have been, would have created plenty of opportunities for Tom's fish fucking follies to have been discovered in Hollywood. The Simpsons has also had over 900 guest stars over the years, many of whom have worked with Tom, but one notable guest appearance was by Dustin Hoffman, who starred opposite Tom and Rain Man in 1988, lent his voice to Mr. Bergstrom in the episode of Lisa Substitutes.

Which people might remember is the other tattoo that I want to get. You are Lisa Simpson. Yep. Yes. Yep, exactly. Five years before the a fish called Selma episode. Did Hoffman see something and say something to The Simpsons writers? And guess who's missing for that list of 900 plus guest stars?

That's right, Tom Cruise. Whoa. Apparently, Tom has turned down opportunities to guest star at least twice. Is it possibly turning down the rolls because he's mad at the Simpsons hitting a little too close to home. Do you believe? Cheers, Steph. Do you believe? I can't say yes.

I believe. I have had one of my best friends from high school was at the, one of our live shows, and she messaged me right away after the live show and was like, you remember the Troy McClure stuff, and I didn't. But I have not. So it's like one thing to go back and see the references, but it's another to have it all laid out like that. Like this happened at the peak of Tom Cruise's fame.

He is like a notably absent famous person for not being on the Simpsons. I mean, I have never been more convinced of anything in my entire. Oh, yeah. There you go. He's mad that he goes. He got got early, subtly. I love a little subtle nod to an issue calling somebody out. I think there's a lot of that going on in Hollywood.

You know what I mean? Also, I mean, Phil Hartman was, maybe it was a, maybe it was just Phil Hartman's own genius bringing it in. Who knows? I can use the phrase, too. They were sliming him out on the sections. Hey, they were sliming him out. Yeah. Look at us.

Are we youthful now? I can't believe it's not about cum. I am so sorry that I assumed. I made an ass of all. And the fact that, well, especially, I maybe not would have assumed that per se if she didn't refuse the picture. That's the thing.

But then I just assumed it was a cum reference because it's her like covered in this green slime going like, ah! Like it looks. She got inferring, she got a bloat blast. Right. Which is why I would say no, if it was me. I'd be like, no, don't use a slime picture

and a song about Cove. Yeah, don't use the slime picture of me. Like, what are you? You know what I mean? But then wasn't he actually sliming her out? Well, she wasn't being backdoor. No, she's sliming him out. She's sliming him out.

Yeah. And then she might be doing it out after that too. Where you just jerk off like crazy. This is for those of us who don't have teenagers yet to explain things to us. We get to just work it out live on page seven. We've got to figure it out. I don't think I would have asked Woody what does slime me out mean and just in fear that it meant something. She's to slam the door in your face.

Don't talk to me, Dad. Oh. Trying to learn how to smoke a cigarette in here. I'd be like, very good. Not vaping. That's good. Not vaping. You know I'm pro-cigarette in this house.

I want you not vape, so at least I know when you're doing it. You can't hide. Oh, you went to the bowling alley. They don't even allow smoking anymore. Like they used to. That was my excuse. I was bowling with the boys. Oh, Mom, I was rolling.

All the gross guys are smoking cigarettes nearby and it gets on my shirt and on my shoes. Man, there's no way Jan believed you at. No. Well, she might have just used, like, very strong denial. I think she does have a bit of a denial ability, which is, A lot of that generation is right. Oh, yeah. Really good.

Compartmentalizing. Don't deal with it. Don't process it. Keep it in the past. Walk away. Slime it out. Slime it out. Slime it out on this one.

Let someone else slime this fucker out. I got no slime time over here. But now that we've all been thoroughly slimed, I guess it's time for the list. Oh. Who's on the list? Me. Jackie. Dang.

Got to have that list. I paused. Because I've been doing that in the live show. I actually stopped and went, like, I waited for the audience in the crowd to scream it back at me just now. That's how much I've been doing the watch. We've been doing this live show for 10 months to you guys. We need you guys.

We need to feel your essence. We got to sell more tickets to Detroit, all right? Come out to see us, okay? The venue is like, come all, God. I was like, fuck you, dude! So come out to the comedy castle, dude. They're fucking aggressive there, bro. I'll let you feel how tight my forehead.

Get a VIP ticket. You can see how smooth she is up close. And I'll slime your ass out. I'll ask you about the back door. Even when you said back door, I'm like, okay, so you're fucking in the ass. You pull out, yeah, of course. When you said back door, I was like, this is still sexual. And then it was like, wait, hold on.

Oh, yeah, this is not our fault. Anyways, I'll slime your ass out. It's very, it's very, it seems like it's about come. I think that we are the same ones here. And that's the children who are right. Right. I think it's Drake who's, yeah, exactly. You know what you mean?

Man, it really is only the butts of my eyebrows. You got to see it, you guys. If you are in the Russell, you got to see Jack. It's like Jack Nicholson. It is like Jack Nicholson. Oh, my God, that's what it is. Jack Nicholson. Yep.

And I look so much more like my father because my father looks just like Jack Nicholson. Yes, my father does have this. Oh, my God. You're slowly into your father. You just turned into your father. Oh, my God, somebody get me a cigarette. Oh, God.

I'm going to become the Mariah Carey version of my father. That's what it is. She is like Jack Nicholson. Oh my God, thank you, Holden. I kept thinking like, who has eyebrows like this? There you go, man. I'm fucking slim it over here. Next thing you know, I'm going to be with a bunch of models on a boat, shirtless,

just eating a sub in the middle of the ocean. I still think about those pictures. I'm like, man, I guess he was living his best life. But don't get the sandwich wet. I'm going back to the list from a couple weeks ago because there was still more great stories. Oh, good. I'm happy to see this one. This is secret backstories to hit songs.

Leonard Cohen's record company, Columbia, originally refused to release his album with the song Hallelujah in the United States. They said it wasn't good enough. Cohen released various positions independently in 1984 to General Indifference. So why is Hallelujah so popular? Thanks to Shrek. Yes, a song full of religious and sexual imagery was made world famous by 2001's Shrek, a cartoon movie for children.

Is that? Is that right? That's crazy. I guess that's right. Because that album seemed to just appear out of nowhere. It's like timeless. It's, you know what I mean? It's incredible, you know, or that song.

But like, yeah, it kind of happened when I was in, like, college. That's what I heard it in college and I heard was it the Rufus Wainwright version. But I also heard the Jeff Buckley version of it. Am I wrong to say there was a Rufus Wainwright version? I think it's Jeff. You're thinking of the Jeff Buckley. When I said album, I was like, wait, that's not Leonard Cohen, that's Jeff Buckley. That Jeff Buckley album felt like it came out of nowhere.

It was timeless. But it happened in college, which would make sense because we all got to, I got to experience Shrek graduating year of high school, which is a beautiful moment for me. Rufus Rainerite also did it. And also, don't forget, Pentatonics. The Pentatonics cover of Hallelujah, which I bring up every holiday season. And why do I like it? It's the most embarrassing.

thing about me and there are many embarrassing how many times I've sat in my car and cried to that fucking version of the song. It's so embarrassing. Don't worry. I'll clean the palette for you. Domesticator blood. Oh, good. All right. Yeah, no, you want to add. Yeah, well, Kurt Cobain hated the recording of smells like teen spirit.

He said it's such a perfect mixture of cleanliness and nice, candy-ass production. It may be extreme to some people who aren't used to it, but I think it's kind of lame myself. Of course, you did. That was the crossover hit, though. That makes sense you would feel that way, but that's the thing that, yeah, crossed him into the mainstream,

which is probably the worst thing that ever happened to him. Well, I am excited to talk about this Andre 3000 little trivia, especially because, well, you guys will have already seen it, because tonight on the last stream on the left, I will be playing the kids' bop version of Ms. Jackson, which is a very uncomfortable video. Andre 3000 wrote outcast Miss Jackson as an apology of sorts to the mother of his former partner, Erica.

a Badoo. Badu wasn't entirely thrilled with the track at first, but when asked how her mother felt about it, she said, she bought her a Miss Jackson license plate, she had the mug, she had the ink pen, she had the headband, she had everything, she loved it. Man, what a cool connection. What a great

song, you know, I love Outcasts. I got a Quim and I in vinyl. They were my favorite rap group in Charlotte as a high school. Talk about High School, Shrek, Outcast. Can you take me back? We're singing. I want to go back so bad. You want to go back?

Are you out of your mind? I don't want to go back. Well, by senior year high school, I was feeling pretty good. And then sophomore year of college. What are we in the final episode of Riverdale? Yeah. The final episode of Riverdale is all about what if you have one last day to revisit any day of your life before you die. MJ, I need you to know how much this last episode of Riverdale has like changed my life.

Tell me. And I know that that might sound over dramatic and extreme and it is. And it really is I can't stop thinking about like every time I get really, really stressed out, I think about, man, what would like 87 year old me do to go back to this day? Even though I'm so stressed out and I feel like I've got so, and I'm so overwhelmed right now that like going from that to this and how would I feel about that? And I keep thinking about it. And I'm like almost like obsessing over it. I think it's nice. And it's making me see life in a very good way.

That's great. What I do is I lay in bed at night after having a stressed out day and I look at reels. They're like, if you could, if your 87 year old self could go back in time and live this day, you would and you would love it. And then I just am like, oh, why am I better at life? You know, and so I feel like your approach is good. Thank you. I had like a moment of clarity last night. I finally got a break.

I was like, finally got a night off since I've been home. And, you know, last night off I had was in Nashville essentially where we just went out and like bar hopped. And I was playing video games, but I, like, heard some fun in the other room, and I walked in the bedroom. And, like, Winnie's, like, playing, and she's doing naked baby time. And she gets naked. We call her naked baby. And she goes, fast naked baby. And she runs around the room.

And I was like, this is it. This is what the good shit is. Stay in this. Do not walk away from this. Do not go to your video game. This is the most, this is the spice. This is the beauty of life. And it really was nice to recognize it every now and again.

I be like, this is the shit you're going to miss. I know. So stay here. It is like an affirmative. every single day I have to try to remind my brain. This is what you'll miss. I don't want to wear these shoes. I don't want to wear these motherfucking shoes.

Motherfuck. Yes. Yeah, that shit. Once I get through that. You got to remember that's the good shit. I know. See, but MJ, no, I saw a TikTok last night that was like, if your child isn't doing what you want them to do, just say, try again.

That's all you have to do. I don't know if you've tried this more, but like if the kids don't, they just give them the opportunity to try again. And like, that's it. That is the secret to parenthood. You're welcome both of you. I saw the TikTok. That's it.

That's it. I feel like Lexi does kind of have a approach like that. And I just sit back and I'm just like, just tell her she has to. That's, those two people, for me, it's like I have both the hold end of my brain and Alexi in my brain. I'm like, oh, you'll put on your shoes when you're ready. And then like the whole end of my child. Put on the fucking shoes. Put on the child.

Put up the shoes on. And then I turn around and I say it to the next kid. Right. I say it to the next kid. Right, exactly. This is a very, this is a surprising one from Prince. Stevie Nix's stand back, stand back, ripped off a Prince song. And he was totally cool with it.

Nix wrote the song over the melody for Little Red Corvette. She called Prince to offer him writing credit and ask if he wanted to hear it. To her amazement, he came over, gave it a listen, and proceeded to play. new synthesizer parts for the song. Well, good for him. By the way, can I throw this out there? It's an article we didn't get to, actually, from the main feed, but there's all this talk about...

The leftovers are for, Holden. We'll talk about more there, but it's all about Olivia Rodriguez, uh, and... We're gonna talk about it on the leftovers, Holden. But it's just really quick. It's about the issue with her, with, like, stealing music. I just want to say really quick, or, like, how she had to give rights to everybody. And an analogy I thought of, like,

this is where music is so weird with rights than, like, movies. I just watched Saul. It is so fucking obvious Saul totally took from Seven and Silence Little Lambs Right? Yeah They don't have to give those movies credit

In the fucking credit role I don't really understand how that I don't get that works It makes no sense to me The way that music right bullshit is And the way credit given stuff is That's interesting, yeah This makes way more sense to me

Unless you're completely ripping the song off And like taking credit for it I get that But like yeah Any movie or something You don't have to be like, totally we took from this other anyways. We'll talk about multiple numbers, but it's ridiculous. Shaggy's hit song, It Wasn't Me, was inspired by a skit Eddie Murphy did in Raw about men being unfaithful and denying it.

This is such a fun fact. I think it is hilarious that this comes from an Eddie Murphy bit. That song. I think that is just so fun. It wasn't me is great. And if you think it's bad because it's just a person being shady, the whole final verse of the song, we talked. I don't know how this game. We talked about it, yeah.

But yeah, it's all like the redemption part, and no one remembers that part where the guy gets like fully called out and everything. Yes. During the shooting of the music video of Taylor Swift's Shake It Off, heavy metal music was played around the perimeter of the studio so no one could hear the unreleased song. And she had inside a suitcase.

That's got to be so annoying. Yeah. It's like torture. Yeah. It does sound like torture. On the outsides of just like, not that like, I mean, I love heavy metal music, but like just like playing it really, really loud.

completely surrounding a perimeter, it'd be too much. But that would be a fun mashup. You know how DJ Earworm used to do like DJ Earworm if I were a boy with Free Fallen, you know? Like that would be overlay, shake it off with like some Metallica. Maybe people would start liking Taylor Swift. No, not going to happen. Maybe my husband might start liking Taylor Swift.

Hate them. They all hate it. Anyone who still doesn't like T. Swift, especially with like a passion, it's done now. They're done. They will always be that way. They're like our parents, right? You're like, you'll never change it.

It's fine. I'm not going to try to change you. Well, the iconic drum beats at the end of Living on the Edge by Aerosmith. Holden, this goes out to you. If you frequent our Jackin on Fridays, you will have met Gronky, who lives within the music video of Living on the edge. Or just watch the first like 20 seconds or something like that. You'll see it when you see it. You'll know it when you see it.

Just put the video on. It's in the very beginning. You see literally a half-naked Stephen Tyler, then you will know you're at the part, and yeah, you will get a visit from Gronkey, so lucky you. Yep. And then the iconic drum beats from the song were played on a bass drum that Stephen Tyler stole from his high school after senior prom. I like that. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah.

This has nothing to do with the making of the song. I just think it's kind of fun. The White Stripes Seven Nation Army, the lyrics of the song proclaim, I'm going to Wichita. Jack White says that he has never actually been to Wichita, and at this point he will never visit, out of respect for using the city as a metaphor. Wow. Which I think is kind of...

I can't go to Wichita. According to Axel Rose, the seed for, Welcome to the Jago! Was planted when he and a friend hitchhiked to New York City. While wandering around a Caribbean neighborhood, an old man came over, looked at them and said, do you know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby.

You're going to die. That's awesome. You can't do no better than, you know, New York City in the 70s and 80s, man. It really was. It was legit. I love, can you imagine someone screaming that at you? I love that. That's where I'm ending the list.

I love that. That's so New York. I'm glad you brought it back to the game. That's what pissed me off and everyone's like, New York's scary now. It's evil now because it was evil when I lived there. Yeah, it's like good. I'm glad it's getting more fucked because it was getting too squeaky clean

That's New York, New York, baby It's got to be fucking It's got to be ill, dude Bring it back Bring it back You gotta get slimed out Slime it out You just fucking walking around

Not getting slimed out At the, you know what you mean Hallie Berry or whatever At the thing Yes All right, I think I might be going Blind Item

Oh, we can't see them This A-list actress From a very hit network show got wasted drunk at a party last night and hooked up with two guys at once. No big deal. However, one of the guys took a couple of pictures and one 10-second long video

and he has been sharing them far and wide. Oh my God, don't do that. She was big when we were young. One of the biggest sitcom. Jennifer Aniston. Wow. Damn. Good job. Wow.

She's fucking sucking and fucking on Tudu's or maybe just watching them sucking. Was this back in the Diz or currently? I think current. Diff. Yeah, last month. At a party last month. Whoa.

Hell, yes. It does link it hilariously. I mean, I'm very upset about what is being done to her. Right. But also. Yeah, don't share the video.

But get that action with two guys. She got, remember how she was just like a sad girl on the cover of every magazine? And they were like, will she ever find love? She ever get pregnant.

And they also really put that so hard on her. Like, will she ever have children? That was so unnecessary. She's about to dry up. Yeah. It was so crazy. It was so bad. No wonder everybody in our generation feels like there's like a ticking time bomb inside their head and the body.

She did an interview not that long ago where she was essentially talking about like for a while I was trying to have children. And seeing that all the time and that being told me all the time really fucked me up. And of course it did. Of course. Yeah, the pressure is probably a part of what probably made it hard for it. Yeah. And it does hilariously link to an article about her showing off her figure. a black bikini during a vacation with Jimmy Kimmel and Jason Bateman, as if like those are the two guys.

Yeah. If those were the two guys, that would be, I guess, a good for a. I don't want to suck on Jimmy Kimmel, but if she does, go bo'all? Yeah, yeah. Kind of talked about this already, but the illiterate adult boy banner called the Papps to show him being a loving father. He is going all in on the terrible parenting towards the actress that is going to backfire on him in a big way. Get out of here, Joe. I'm telling you, man.

It's all a circus, dude. A circus. No one's buying it. No one's buying this, man. No. But everyone's biting the dust, dude. Actually, it's just shoe horns me and a Hugh Jackman, bro. I was fucking getting iced, dude.

We'll talk about it more in the leftovers. Is he gay? The leftovers. All right, last one. This married A-list three-named actress has hinted she hooked up with this married A-list actor while they were filming a movie together. And then again, when they were doing press for it, that is one secret he never once out.

Jessica Chastain, not for Isaac. One of the words is something, no, it's not that, but that would make sense. One of the... But remember how they said they can't really be like the same kind of friends anymore because marriage story was so intense. Well, I watched it all.

It was fucking intense. Yeah. And they have a hot... I couldn't watch it because I knew it would be too intense for me in my emotions. They have a hot scene in it too that's crazy hot. Like, yeah, it's really good. Hot, hot.

Like, it goes one of those were like, damn, there's still, they're still in this fuck scene. Like, this is wild. One of the names you said is in one of the names of the people involved here. No, it's from a- Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah, wow. Wow.

Gilded. She did a rom-com with a guy who, um, he likes to philosophize. He's, you know. Matthew McConaughey. Wow. You guys are on fire. Damn, we are in the Zoom. Failure to launch in 2006.

Yes. Did they? Didn't they? What do you guys think? In my brain, they did. Did you see the movie? Yeah. What was it?

What was the deal with it? It was a forgetable rom-com. It was a, it was a rom-com. At a time when we just got an endless slew of those. I watched, in the heyday of rom-coms, I watched, I mean, I guess it wasn't the hey-day. I watched all of them. And now they're over.

Outside of the Hallmark Channel, yeah, like maybe one comes out a year. Except that one that you sent, Jackie, the one with fucking Meg Ryan and, is it George Clooney? I'm going to watch the shit. out of that. It's not George Clooney. They had to move it because of the era. It's Meg Ryan and somebody else. Is it a quade? Dennis Quaid? Is it Dennis Quaid? It's not Hugh Jackman, is it?

No. No, he's like over or whatever again, right? They're trapped at an airport. They're in an airport. Tom Hanks, Terminal. No. It's called what happens later. David Dukovny.

David Dukovny. Who is it? David Dukovny. I can't believe. I forgot. He's always immediately sexier in these roles because you're like, he fucks and he fucks a lot, or at least he used to. And like, you always think about that now because you're just like, man.

Honestly, usually I don't agree with you, Holden, on like a lot of things. But this, I really 100% agree with him. Right. Every time you see him and something, you're like, oh, man, that guy. That guy fucks. Well, because that was back in the day when we had. That guy loves this so much. He's got a proff.

Yeah, that we, like, that wasn't the first time I'd ever really heard about anybody with sex. I know. I'm sorry to make light of it. I know it just. But it was. I know it's actually something that's very serious and devastating for relationships and stuff, but I also look at him and I'm just like, he likes to fuck so much he had to go to the doctor, you know? He has to go to the doctor.

My penis won't stop fucking. My winner won't stop being put inside of women. I've got a issue. I can't stop. You know what I mean? The talking is just like, can't stop fucking. Yeah, yeah. And that is, yeah, I know it's serious, but it's kind of.

of fun. Serious. It is serious. Oh my God. Everything's serious. Everything's upsetting and serious. All right. Well, I can see again.

And seriously, this episode is over. We did it. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us today. That has been your weekly episode of page 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And you can come hang out with us in real life. If you are in a Royal Oak or if you're in Columbus or maybe if you have to

happen to be passing by Pittsburgh. Come get your release the butthole cut tour tickets, Last Podcast Network.com. See my Botox. There you go. Please. Last Podcast Network.com. I want to see you guys out there. We had so much fun on the road last week.

The show has never been better than it is right now. It's true. So it's in such a good spot. We would love to see you out. And we'd love to meet you, too, if you get the VIP tickets, which do end up going pretty fast. Usually we have enough general mission or whatever, but those VIPs get snapped up,

so definitely look into it. I'd love to see your face. Check me out, Twitch.tv.tv.4. slash hold to natures ho. I stream throughout the week. On Fridays, I stream at 6 p.m. ET with Jackie. Usually this week is a little different.

We got the murderfish show, which I'd love to try to promote to you guys, but it's sold the fuck out. Oh, yeah. So you can't catch that, probably. But maybe go look, see if something happened with that. but I think we are sold out on both of those murder fish shows here in LA.

But yes, normal streams next week after that. Then we go back on the road. And then we're done and we're back. And we will be having our regular streaming schedule and so much more over on the LPN Twitch channel as well, especially after we get back from the road. But even in the meanwhile while we're here.

Also, patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast, weekly bonus content for just five bucks a month. Jackie doing the book readings. We do the leftovers right after this. We cover the stuff we haven't covered in the episode. And for 10 bucks a month, you can join us on our Discord for our Jersey short, watch long every Thursday at 8 p.m. ET. Lastly, page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Please send those conspiracy theories in and anything else. Shoutouts, blind items. Page 7 podcast at gmail.com. My name is MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. Bro, Travis Kelsey's like really hot. Yeah?

Yeah. I know. But we, yeah. Fun news. Hard to talk about, though. It involves the one always talked about. All right, everybody. Bye.

Well, did we sing the shit off? Oh, yeah, I guess. Yeah, I guess we should probably sing the song. I'm not just sitting here staring at pictures of Travis Kelsey. He's got a really nice smile and beautiful eyes. Football deeak. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about.

Come on. We're going to read a real. them to you. Come on. It's the love of my life. It's shout out time. Oh, it fills me with such joy every week when you guys send in your shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com. All of just, even just, if it's just a note to tell us that you also loved Riverdale and that you were mourning alongside us. I just want to say that I appreciate all the Riverdale love that we have received. And it makes me feel so, ugh. seen. I feel our community and our arms are around each other. I love you guys so much and thank you again for sending in your shoutouts and you can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Our first shout out goes out to a lovely wife from Desmond. Desmond says, I'd like to send a special shout out to my wonderful, brilliant and lovely wife, Julia. She has been working so hard driving from Dallas to Austin every week to help fix her company's stores and showing off just how truly

amazing she is. I know she's lonely, missing our five fur babies, and hopefully me, but I hope she knows just how much we appreciate her. With her hard work, we finally have the chance to go on our honeymoon for our sixth anniversary. I'm very excited to have her back home and still can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her. Thank you again for the podcast. And Jackie, don't worry, Holden has turned me into a Swifty to, Desmond. I'm so glad that I'm not alone. And hell yeah, Jackie's special thanks to you and Natalie for introducing my wife to Akitar. Wink, wink, nudge, oh, I get you, Desmond.

Thank you so much for writing in and so much love to you both. My next shout out goes out to Ainsley. And this is going out to a best friend forever, bitch. So cute! Ainsley says, I wanted to give a third. 31st birthday shout out to my BFFB best friend forever bitch, Jessie. She is my best friend of 27 years and the reason I've listened to Last Podcast Network since 2016.

Not only is she brilliant, beautiful, and kind as hell, she is the most hilarious person I know. Her heart is as inviting as her piercing blue eyes. She means the world to me, and I hope this next year is filled with happy. and light for her as she has been on a major self-discovering journey this year. Congratulations, Jesse. I know it's hard, but good for you. I wish nothing but the absolute best for her 31st year. She deserves the world. Also, I am so happy she has finally found her Dan Connor, her boyfriend John, to complete

her. She's also the only person I know who can sound identical to Roseanne Barr. Jackie, please try to do your best Roseanne yelling impression. Okay. That was horrible. But you know what? I did it for you, Jesse, and for your birthday. Thank you so much for the shoutout.

I'm so happy for you Ainsley and I'm so happy. Oh, I love a best friend's love for a best friend and I love you both. And now we've got another wife shout out. Michelle says, I wanted to come on and give a shout out to my wife. Yesterday, she walked in on me watching the series finale of Riverdale and weeping. Now, she knows I've never watched a single episode of Riverdale. so she was very confused. I explained that I've listened to every episode of Riverdale Roundup,

and after the watch-along episode, I had to see the finale. Her response, you fucking weirdo, this is why I love you. Life will never be boring. What a ride or die! I love you, Sarah! While I'm here, I wanted to give a little self-shout. Hell yeah, Michelle, so happy for you. I went to rehab in February, and today I am seven months clean.

I feel like Jackie's my mom, MJ is my papa, and Holden is my annoying ass brother, who I would kill for. So I thought y'all would be so proud of your little girl. Michelle, I'm so proud of you. I know it's so difficult and just keep it on, keep it on. And hell yeah, man, keep going after that light. It's within you. It was you all along. So much love to you both Michelle and Sarah.

Next up we've got a shout out from Katie. Now, Katie does us, this isn't really a shout out to anything. Other than you all for giving me the Tom Cruise fucks fish information for all these years. My friends recently had a party for their wedding anniversary and decided to get the famous Tom Cruise coconut cake to try. Things spiraled out of control and it became a completely Tom Cruise themed party purely because it was so hilarious. But then we were given instructions to dress up as our favorite Tom Cruise. I honestly don't even care for the man. So the only idea that kept popping into my head was fish fucker Tom Cruise.

Needless to say, I had the most obscure costume and got to explain why I had a fish with me all night, but everyone seemed appreciative of this new knowledge. So thanks. And Katie, thank you so much for the attached pictures. I know that this wasn't even necessarily a shout-up, but I had to read it simply because I loved your pictures so much. And thank you so incredibly much for you. sharing. I loved it. Man, now I want to go to a Tom Cruise themed party. Now next up, we've got

Christine. Christine has got big things going on. What you've got to say, Christine? Christine says two years ago, I changed jobs and career fields entirely. A year ago, I bought a house and adopted my deranged but adorable dog, Signor Benjamin Chang. As of this week, I am officially in training to one day take over my dad's store. The store has been in my family. family since 1939, but my dad's plan had always been for it to end with him. He never really wanted the store, but felt obligated to take it over when my granddad was diagnosed with heart problems back in the 70s. He didn't want to force my brother or I into the same situation. I love my dad for how much he really cares about his children enjoying their lives and being successful

on our own, but it's made it very hard to even talk to him about the future of the store. Thankfully, he had to face the possibility of a sudden death last week. Oh my God. when he had his hip replaced, he handed me six pages of handwritten notes on how to run the store if he didn't wake up from surgery. One, that's not enough pages for running a full business with human beings that depend on having an income. And number two, this seems like a good time to press the succession issue. He's on board. And I even get to go to the high point furniture market today for my birthday.

Here's hoping I don't have to pull a Veronica to become a full CEO. Oh, my God, are you going to be the wolf? What is it? The she-wolf of Wall Street. And I can grow the business so it can last another 84 years. Christine, you will. I can feel it. You've got the spirit. You've got the want. You've got this, Christine. Hell, yeah. Congratulations. And now we've got a couple of self-shout. First one comes in from Frankie. Frankie says, I've been waiting all year to have a reason to write in with a self-shout. I finished my undergrad engineering degree back in December of 2022. and I've been struggling with finding a job. I rarely felt happy with the degree I pursued in college, but pressure from my parents and my own anxiety kept me trapped in my major. I wanted to help people with my future career,

but the classes I was in and the careers my peers aspired to just didn't seem to align with my goals. This year, I've struggled so much with trying to identify what I really want to do with myself now that my life isn't dictated by the education system. I've applied for endless engineering jobs that I mostly didn't give a fuck about, just to be turned down by each one.

Finally, back in June, I was invited to apply for a position involving hospital construction. I hit it off with the hiring manager and really felt a connection when I met the rest of the department. I was told they'd get back to me within a week, but that never happened. Mid-August, I had nearly given up hope that I was ever going to hear back from them. But then they cold called me and offered me the job. I even was able to get them to raise my starting salary. I may have only gotten one job offer, but it was the only job offer I had wanted. I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow with my sister.

Hello, Lily, congrats, and my first day is next Wednesday. Oh my God, a big thank you to all y'all at page 7 for giving me something to look forward to every week. Jackie, you're a sex-positive queen who makes me feel proud of being a slutty bitch. Holding your enthusiasm for your passions inspires me, and I always always, go to Whizbroo looking for recommendations. And MJ, your openness about your queer experience has helped me learn so much and I'm really going to miss you losing your shit about Riverdale. Love you all. Love Frankie. So much love to you and congratulations, Frankie. And last but not least, I'm sending so much love to a member of our Twitch community. And James says,

I want to give myself a shout out. To keep it short and sweet, about seven years ago, I had a mental health crisis and carpet bombed my whole life. Broke my lease, abandoned abused, or neglected my friends until they left, and ill-advisedly, moved across the country to try to reset. After some of the lowest lows of my life, I've rebounded, and I've moved back to Chicago, and I'm riding this in a cozy one-bedroom near the lake, wearing a bathrobe, and drinking my cold brew. I'm two years California is sober as of September 6th, and I'm almost done with my nicotine vape addiction. Congratulations, James. The last five years have been incredibly challenging and incredibly lonely.

I've grown so much I sometimes can't even believe some of the things I said and did while drunk were really me, and I'm working hard to love the scared and neglected child inside of me. Every day is hard, but I'm looking forward to finding out what that kid can do when he's not just trying to survive. I keep writing more and then I start crying and have to delete it because it's too personal. Just know that you being so open about your hard times, MJ speaking clearly about their gendered dysphoria and euphoria,

and holding keeping things light with gronky and Tisway, have all helped me enjoy my days and find happiness in the mundanity of celebrity gossip and Riverdale fan theories. Love, love, love, and I can't wait to see you on the next tour. Yes, James. So much love to you. Thank you so much for sure. sharing and congratulations. I know how hard the fight is every single day to be the best

version of yourself that you can and to take care of that inner kid inside of us all. So much love to you and so much love to absolutely everybody. Thank you so much for your shoutouts and you can send in your own to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. And last but not least, I wanted to give another shout out to Kay Book who did our tattoos in Chattanooga. If you are ever in Chattanooga, you must look up Kay's work. K-A-Y-B-O-A-K tattoo. K-A-B-O-A-K tattoo on Instagram, please look up their amazing work

and look up Kitty Connipion as well. They did outstanding work for us, and please travel to Chattanooga to get tattoos from them. We had such an amazing, beautiful experience, especially for Jake and Holden getting their first tattoos, and there was no gatekeeping, and there was no weirdness, and it was just beauty, light and love. And thank you guys so much. Thank you all so much. Have a beautiful week,

and we'll be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.