Page 7 - Ep. 508: The Gimp Masks and The Jheri Curl Wigs

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

This week on MJ, Holden and Jackie are fresh from tour and ready to goss' 'bout if the world is ready for MFin' COWBOY CROCS, Holden reveals his theory that mothers trigger human evolution by increasing their foot size to carry their young, plus what's gonna be the top costume of SPOOKY SEASON '23!?!? Tales from the tour involving a leather clad dong hangin' bar in Pittsburgh, BECKHAM bearing it all on Netflix, Pam Anderson heads out to the Red Carpet sans makeup, and in Celeb Conspiracy Corner: Is Some Annoying Music Guy Haunting One of Our Listeners Instagrams!?!? A surprising celebrity hobby filled List, along with the realization these lists may not be the best examples of journalism, Da Blindz, SHOUTZ and MOOOOORE!!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sometimes we just gotta fake it till we make it, everybody. Ain't nothing gonna break a my stride. Ain't nobody to slow me down. Oh no, I got to keep on moving. Ain't nothing gonna break up on stride. I'm running in a water touch ground. Oh no. I got to keep on moving.

But also, I'm slowing down. No. I'm giving up. I'm saying I'm gonna wave the wide flag now. No, no, no. We are not going to stop. I'm going to wave the white flag now. I'm going to wave the white flag now.

Holden is giving in, but MJ and I are not giving in yet. All right. MJ and I are not going down. We are here. We are fighting for our smiles every damn day. Absolutely. Oh, come on. Yes, there's horrors happening all around us in the world.

But Beach is playing a bingo. We're going to have a big party in two weeks. Yeah, but we are going to have a big party. in two weeks guys. And they are making cowboy boots out of crocks. And we are making cowboy boots out of crocs. We have to recognize the little shiny lights like stars

in the sky. But stars are exploding planets, life dying all around us in a way. In a way. In a way. Yeah. In a way. But in another way, the cracks are boots. So, you know, what is there to complain about? Ultimately, they come with gibbets,

I've been looking at them on the Crocs website. Oh, they are being already referred to as croots. Cruits. Nice, that's good. You know, long-time listeners may remember that we've already spent a lot of time talking about Crock boots. So the boot itself is not new. It is the cowboy part. If anything, they should be called like Coots, you know, because we've already had crutes.

And I am a boot licker, so it's nice to get to know that I get to really tongue those holes. You don't even know what that means outside of ours. actually licking boots. I'm literally a bootlicker. I enjoy the licks. Literally a bootlicker. I love, but now I get to tongue the holes. You get to tongue the hole.

You can do that with any crack, Holden. There's holes definitionally in any crack. By the way, I know they exist, but pussy gibbets, and then you can really get in there and get down in it. And they could have little water packets in them or whatever and squirt at you when you get in there. Yeah, you'd have to have some sort of hole process, like a hole inside.

of it for the scorch. It would need to be a reverse gibbet, you know, because the jibbett comes out. Exactly. Right. Pussy jibbick can go in. So you put it, like, you put it from the inside out, so it pops out, but then like the pussy fold is the hole. Can you tell we've all been in a car together for the last week?

I mean, this is really, I mean, it is Seinfeld episodes. What after the other? We can just, now, because of all of the road tripping we've done, I forget we're recording. All right. I know. I'm just like, oh, God. I forgot. People actually listen to this.

We're not just sitting in a car. No, totally. This is actually what it's like. Maybe we're recording. Maybe we're not recording. But tell me about those murders. Oh, man. Well,

you know, as long as the mic's not on. Yeah, me. Continue to speak directly. Can you imagine if I ever, I'd, like, I'd cry too much.

I'd, like, I'd be crying. Like, if I'm like, I'd have a knife. I have a knife. And I'd just be, like, crying so much that the knife would slip out of my hands that would go into my own.

own crock foot. And we know they're not knife-protecting, everybody. The people-pleasing murderer, though, is a good character. I mean, Jackie is such a people-pleaser that if someone is an asshole to her, she spends a good portion of time wondering if she did something wrong. And so the people-pleasing murderer would have a very hard time. Jackie would just be apologizing the entire time. I am so sorry. Also, Jackie, with your bugaboo nature, we're going to eras this Saturday. How can you possibly sit here and be like, oh, like, you know what I mean? I'm mad because I'm not going to have my crutes in top. Did you order them? Really? No, they're not available until October 23rd. I am. Just before Halloween. I do feel like there's

no way I'm going to be able to get these boots. Yeah, I think I might order them to sell out some they are going to sell out, but I, because they have spurs. I do it all for the spurs. The what? The spurs. Yeah. But again, remember when you got, remember when you, I just reminded. you got crock rain boots and they were the most... Yeah, that's, again, this is what I'm saying. Everyone's acting like crock boots are new. They're not new. I own them.

They are in my home and they suck. But crock rain boots are like the most ass-backwards concept because the whole point of crocs is they're covered in holes. Yep. And therefore they breathe. But a rain boot needs to be fully completely concealed, at least with a cowboy boots. They're lined with fleece. They're lined with fleece.

So the fleece can get wet. Oh, good. So your feet get nice. and hot and sweaty. Like a warm wetness, like a nice warm wetness, right away. I love a warm wetness. Tell me more about the warm wetness, especially when it comes to my shoes. You know, if you want warm wetness, just get crock boots and...

Croc rain boots. Yeah, I mean, I think the ones I have are actually technically marketed as crock snow boots. But, again, they do get wet immediately. And I have done... The emotional roller coaster I've been on looking at these crutes, or I'm going to, again, say, Cautz is what we should call them. But we, I mean, everybody is... It sounds like the cookie crisp guy.

Cauts. Coootsy crisp. Everybody is sending me the Coots. And I appreciate it. And I do laugh every time somebody sends me a Crock meme so you can keep sending them. But I have gone on, I have gone from a like, no, never to today, look at the fucking website and being like, those do look good. And I think I might have done just, but I don't like my...

by Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville Crocs. They're not, it's not just the gibbets. They are not comfortable to me. But all those nurses can't be wrong. They must be comfortable. It must be a me problem. So maybe I should try again. Maybe the Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville cracks were for me,

but maybe the coutes are for me. Yeah, maybe you got stupid feet. I do have stupid feet. One of my feet is one and a half sizes bigger than the other. Did you know that? One and a half. One and a half. Whoa.

So wait, when you get a shoe, do you have to get one big one? This is what everyone asks. And unfortunately, there is no mechanism to do that. Well, you just have to buy two pairs of shoes. Yeah. And who has that money? So, no, I buy.

Yeah, you just throw the other shoe away. Well, I don't see a problem with it, MJ. No, everyone's always like, what do you do? And I'm like, I do nothing. I can't, what can I do? And so I have one shoe that's too big and one shoe that fits well. And the other have, like, a wedge system or something? No, man, I'm just walking out on the left side.

And the other weird thing about my stupid feet is that they grew two full sizes during pregnancy, but they both, the size discrepancy, stayed. Whoa, that's nuts. I love that I called it, first of all. You knew that I had FETT's got stupid feet. By the way, by the way, I called the other thing, too. I was like, yeah, like, I noticed moms have, like, mom feet. We're like, so I'm not crazy, Lex was like, that's not a thing. But I was like, I'm pretty sure it's like, it almost seems like biological because you're going to then be like lugging these kids around all day. You need more sturdiness down there. You need like a wider toe down there.

Yeah, it's like a snow tire. Yeah, you need fucking traction. So you think that evolution happens after. So it's like then your foot grows wider. Yeah, I think we're all blessed be. I don't know. Yeah. I actually haven't heard.

I thought we were a creation-based podcast. I'm a spiritual person. Oh my God. All right. I'm like wicket and adjacent or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I'll burn the sage and all. Oh, my God.

just like the witch on the new 90-day fiance which I know we're not talking about this right now but the new 90s. We'll talk about it on the leftovers. The leftovers on Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Check it out wherever you read

the news. That's not where you find it. In fact, it won't be there. No, it won't be there. The one place it is which is on the Patreon. Yeah.

Now, do you think that the spur is going to provide a problem? Yes. Sure. Yeah. I don't think any of this is for logic.

I think it's going to scrape. Like, I feel like I'm going to scrape. I'm like, every time I cross my legs, I'm going to scrape my legs. There's no leg crossing, yeah. Yeah. No, it's going to be annoying. It's going to be annoying. A proper southern gal does not cross her legs.

This is training you to be a proper southern gal. Oh, so that's why I need the cruits to be finally go. And the crotch chassis belt, which again seems like challenging. Big hole in it. Because there's a big hole in it. Yeah, big hole in it. Let's them go right in. there. I mean, but it doesn't touch my pussy lips. That's just for him to just squeeze up next to the

rubber hole. Oh my God, have you ever experienced putting a gibbet into a crock? I know you have, Jackie. It's not easy. Oh, yeah. It's not easy. You got to really jam it in there. You got to get it in there. Oh, yeah, you got to really want it in there. You have to force it in there. Everyone's first time. No, it's more like everyone's first time. It's like harder than you think it'll be. And then you, you know, you keep, you work together. You keep trying. I killed it. I killed it. it my first time. She was just like, wow, I can't believe how good you are fucking. I believe you have told a different story

on this very podcast about 25 times. I'm not true. Play the tape. I faked it. Only time I faked it, because I just wanted it to be done. I'm just sad that the Shrek Crocs are like crocs in and of themselves and I can't just get the gibbets to add on to make mine Shrek Crots.

Same with the Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville Crocs. It's a bit of a racket. Because I wanted the gibbets, if I'm being honest. I didn't want the C-Green C-green crocs. See, green is not my color, but I wanted the gibbets, and they have a monopoly on the gibbets. You got to get the whole crock. Why buy the crock when you can get the gibbets for free, you know? Oh my God, and I'm always saying that. And I'm just ripping gibbets off of people's crocs left and right. Don't get me close to your feet. Man, 10 minutes in it, we're still talking about crocs. I will talk about

drugs forever. We have new stories to talk about. We do, yeah. But this is what people come here for. They want to hear three people in their late 30s, some almost 40. I am 40. Are you already 40? Yeah, that's her 40 last year. The problem is my birthday fucking isn't on an asshole's day. So no one knows. No one knows my birthday and it's extra going to be missed this year.

I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. You could have definitely gone. You could have been 39 for me for another seven years. I'm 40, dead ass. Dead ass, man. Yep. No cap. Oh my god, besties.

We're twins. We're twins for Halloween. Twins, we're twins. We're using phrases after they were cool. I'm Danny Davido. Yes. Oh my God. I'm a dog swat. Obviously.

Would Lexi be mad if I used you as a twins costume instead of you? That is a great. She's always tried to do group costumes. And if I went and did one with you and not her, she'd be so mad. Her and Jeff could do one. You guys being twins, but you interestingly enough being the person from kindergarten cop, not, you know, the Arnold Schwarzenegger character from your god, not from twins. But I'll tell you what, why don't we, why don't we Halloween costume swap? Jeff and Lexi will also be twins from the movie Twins and we will be the also twins.

So we'll be walking around and then we can switch back if we want, but I'll be your Arnold, he'll be her Arnold. right and you guys I'm already envy it I'm already jealous I can't handle it and she's like Jeff he looks so god on yourself

because he would look so good in his suit you're saying oh yeah oh oh you know he's just coughing of blood like he does no I imagine him he was because he was so muscular

he was bursting out of the suit jacket yeah yeah oh my god right he's got reasoned oh I'm turning into a werewolf man this is my problem I've been read nice planet barbarians also check out over on the Patreon.com

Page 7 podcast. No cap. Reading Ice Planet Barbarians and like there's this whole scene and yes I'm gonna I know it's not until next week for the chapter to come out but I just kept musing about the fact that like this human woman is strapped to this huge hulking alien in the front because like she couldn't walk through the snow so he had her strap but her pussy kept hitting against his dick so at some point they just like undo their breech claws and stuff. start banging while they're walking.

And I was like, the gams on this dude. Wow, yeah. Could you imagine being able to walk through the snow while also having sex with someone? That's wild. We call that multitasking. Multitasking, indeed. Yeah, that's very, yeah, I'm guessing it's an American author, right? Oh, yeah.

It's only an American author would come up with, like, making, progressing through a challenge while also getting your nut off. You know what I mean? It's beautiful, but it's also a capitalist. Nothing's going to break their stride, man. It's insanely capitalist. And that's why we need to tax the billionaires 25%. Yes, here, here. And that's why, speaking of couples' costumes,

I wonder if Holden and Lexi, did you guys find your couple's costume in the Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift, which is going to be apparently the biggest duo for Halloween, which I highly doubt because I think that it's going to be, Barbie and Ken. I think they're definitely going to be the biggest couples costume for Halloween. It's going to be a lot of milk toast couples because I think it will be because also the rumor is Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey are talking about being Barbie and Ken for Halloween. So it's going to be like a bunch of. The basic full circle. Yes. It's going to be this like weird

blonde like milk toast couple renaissance, which is so funny. is aren't these the couples we've historically hated? Okay, you and Lexi should be Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey being Barbie for Halloween. Yes. Ooh, that's fun. Yes, that'd be fun.

I mean, I... You're like an Escher painting, but for pop culture. I'm happy for this template because I think that the Taylor Swift, Travis Kelsey costume, it's nice if you've got like a husband who's like one of those guys who's like, ugh, you know, all the other.

to do is put out of... I just like to clean my wife makes me do things. You know, like, this will be a great day for men who like to complain about what their wives make them do. There's so many of that guy. There's a lot of that guy. There's so many. My wife. Why would you marry that?

Like, why would you marry the dude that does the... Ball and Shane? My wife's making me be Travis Kelsey, but luckily I like the chief said he was. So she can wear her glitter or whatever. You're not being like a man's man. You're literally just working with your own depression. You're just like in a negative way. Have a smile.

If all you want to do is sit around and watch TV and your wife want to go with you to a fun costume party is like this bummer thing for you. Get therapy, right? It's better. Are we still? Better help still sponsor. Whatever though. But get something. You know what I mean?

I think that it's that I, not. that I don't think we should direct individual ire at men who like make a big performance of thinking their wives are annoying because I think those men do deserve that. But also, not to be MJ here, but I do think it is a problem with masculinity where they're not allowed. They're not, the men are not like getting dressed up in glitter with all their friends is like not something they get to do. And so they build up a little wall of sadness around the By the way, that is in the forefront of my mind. I get to go to eras. So many people, don't get to enjoy this.

And if you don't like Taylor Swift, then it could be something else. But there's so many people out there because they're so trapped in their own masculinity or their own cult, you know, whatever, their sense of what cool is or whatever, that they never get to just go to a big, colorful, beautiful, fun. You know, even if it's, let's see,

and just have a celebration. Yeah. Or something like that. And dress like a unicorn and fucking eat mushrooms and, like, scream and cry. And, you know what I mean? There's so many people trapped in the, their own bodies, you know, in this ridiculous way.

I'm so glad I broke out of it. And I've been thinking about this a lot. We were just doing our Guar episode for Wisbru. And that really brought me back to that 90s grunge. I hate everything aesthetic, you know? Yeah. And I will say, if you are listening to this and you're like, man, I have been trapped in that for a while.

Maybe this is your, this is what you needed to hear to be like, you know what? I'm not going to be like that anymore. Right. It doesn't have to be fun to hate things. Sometimes it's circumstances. Sometimes you're in a depression. Oh, whoa, I'm not going to be in a mirror. And sometimes it's difficult to see the, like, positive, happy, big things.

But, like, maybe this is what you needed to hear. Yeah. Put on something dumb. Get a dumb hat. Yeah. You know, it's like, you don't have to. Just like, get a little thing. Start putting glitter on when you go to the grocery store.

You know, just like, do little things that are for you that are just like, you know what? This is dumb and silly and I'm doing it for me. It's a rent fare. Anything. You know what I mean? I know that time's fast. Halloween's right around the corner. Why don't you, instead of being like,

because I'll be driving, I love my wife, I hate my wife, you know what I mean? Instead of being like that. I'm pretty sure those people aren't listening to page seven. Right. If you, yeah. I guess I'll listen to page seven.

My wife likes it. We were just talking about this. This guy is scary. I don't like this guy. Why is this guy listening to our people? Get out of here. If you're in the car right now, just going, I am my wife.

You're going, you're like, get out of him. I don't know. I don't know if I would handle that or whatever, you know. But yeah, don't come to the shows or anything. But also I think a lot of people feel, you know, we were talking about in our 2005 rewind episode that one of the things that is special about you guys

is that you've been, you found each other, you know, as young people and you got to like stay with each other. And I think a lot of people feel really isolated. There's been years in my lives where I was like, I want to dress up and be silly and go to a Halloween party, but I don't really have a Halloween party to go to. To go to, yes. And so I feel, and also,

in the pandemic, I stopped trying to dress like anything that made me feel good because I was like, I'm at home, nobody sees me. You know, and so I feel like something I really love about my kids is the way that they when they have to get dressed, whether we're going anywhere or not, they're like, what is the absolute best self

I want to look like today? I'll literally be like, we're not leaving the house. It does not matter what you wear. And like, Freddie will still put so much thought into like what will make her feel good when she gets dressed. And I love that. Yeah, and I love the like person, I'm trying to, for myself to get some of that back.

Like, it doesn't, like, oh, I'm just going to drop off. It doesn't matter how I look. Like, I should just do something for how it will make me feel. And so you are feeling like, I want to do fun stuff, but I'm isolated. You can also just do it for you. But also, I've also found MJ that sometimes, too, doing it for them, doing it to get a rise out of your kids and, like, give them a fun treat also is so worth it. And then you start having fun.

And one of the thing I was talking about, I was talking recently about, I was talking with Jake, we did like a bonus app on our Patreon about like Halloween in general. And I, and I, we talked about like Halloween costumes through the years and there was one year I went all out and I like really thought it through and I really took the time and I did, I was Alex from Clockwork Orange, but like

it was a homemade costume. I like every little detail like the eyeball cuff links and everything. I like nailed to a T and I had such a fucking better Halloween that year than all those other years that I phoned it in because I was cynical about the holiday or whatever about dressing up. And you just, you will have a better time, you know? You really will.

So anyways, this is my motivation for you guys. You can send me your welcomes to the page seven email. And if you want to be Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift, we are in no way being like, that's too simple. You should do it. It's going to be fun. You should definitely do it. You should do it.

It's great. You have the kind of husband that's just like, I hate my fucking wine. Then just like lock him in a closet or something for like an hour, like today. Like, just do it. Yeah, with a bucket of slop. Yeah, like a bucket of slop. Yeah, that's what he means. And an upside down bucket of water, so when he lifts it up to drink, it all goes sloshes around.

Oh, no, my water's on the floor. And then just release a bat into that closet about a half an hour in. Oh, I don't even have a tennis racket to try to combat the bat. The cookie monster all of a sudden. Now that's just Cookie Monster at this point. Don't plug Cookie Monster in a class. That's awesome. He doesn't deserve it.

No, let him out of the closet. Let him out of the closet to give him a bunch of cookies. That dude rules. Yeah, and just wait outside the closet with a big tub of glitter and be like, when you're ready to come out and have some fun, I will be waiting for you. That's what I'm going to do to Hugh Jackman when his memoir comes out. I'm very excited because he is going through a divorce currently, but everyone knows that he's got this memoir that's coming out. I thought you're going to say everyone knows that he's gay. When he comes out of the closet, I'm going to have a bucket of glitter being like, you're ready to have fun.

And I'm just going to pour it all over him. We're going to have so much fun. And he was with the Tay crew at the Kansas City game a couple weeks ago, right? Or last Sunday. This is such a crew that because everybody knows that everybody knows that Tay did not go to cheer on trav during the... I was about to say the festival. The festival of football. The festival of balls where they have their many songs and oh and they do their run.

and oh, they put on their costumes. You tell me there's like a sport in Akita. Is there a sport at Agatard? There is not one sport in Akita. They have snowball fights sometimes. Oh my God. I'm going to always call a football game a play. Don't play the play.

There are plays involved. Lots of plays. That's true. They put on a play every single. It's a play. Maybe. There you go. I wasn't.

because everyone knew that TAY wasn't at the game because Trav got hurt at the game and then everyone's like, oh my God, did he get hurt because she wasn't there? She wasn't there and he needs her essence. Just like we all need her essence or whatever. God, I'm becoming Holden. I can't spend this much time with you, Holden.

I need you. I just can't wait for you to be healed because she was like a little Eeyore when she came in today and I know that Erez is going to heal her. I can't find my tail. And afterwards, she's, We're gonna, you can't find my tail on the EOR. Oh, yeah, the EOR reference.

It also sounds so thrash. It sounds like I smoked a pack of cigarettes. Like, no, I've just been screaming. I know. I'm actually surprised. My voice is so good. My voice was wrecked yesterday and I was doing two podcasts. It was crazy.

Yeah. The page seven released the butthole cut tour. Finally on our last like really was like, you think you have a voice. I'll show you who has a voice. I'll show you. No COVID. No COVID, man. No COVID.

No. We did really have quite an experience at a dive bar together. Well, Holden and I had the experience together that... Oh, luckies. Man, we went to this dive bar in Pittsburgh, and it was unbelievable. It was close to our venue. And I will say we were tying one on of sorts. But at some point, Jake went upstairs, and he came back downstairs immediately.

All right, so we first get there, we're like, this place is great, but it was one of those places like, I felt like it took a tie machine. You could smoke inside. It was... Cash only. What year is it? A car only. Classic dive bar experience.

Tight, tiny downstairs with a back porch. But there was an upstairs. Perfect. And the upstairs I thought was maybe going to be a rooftop or something. By the way, this was in a construction site. There was nothing around there. Also, the bar was empty.

Dirt and rubble. So I think that what you really need to understand about what they're about to describe that was going on upstairs is that the bar was completely empty except for us. Except for us. It was kind of like walking in.

It was kind of like walking in. It was kind of like they discovered an alternate dimension upstairs because it was very crowded upstairs. And we don't know how those men got in there because we didn't see them. How did the boys get inside? There's a lot of boys and men upstairs. So, yeah, Jake's like, oh, see what's upstairs? It goes upstairs load and just immediately walks back downstairs just muttering dick's dicks.

I've never seen so many dicks. And he just kept saying that. And I was like, what's upstairs? And he was just like, you should go see, you know? And I was like, okay. But I was like, I probably should lubricate for a little bit. And I was like, I don't even know if I will go up there. Maybe the imagination of what's up there is better than what the eye can behold, you know?

Like, don't see the movie monster, right? But we did go up there later, and we did see quite a sight to behold. And it was more just the, I would say, the lack of, like, loud, pumping music, which is what you would expect when you see a bunch of nude men dancing on top of a bar. But, like, it wasn't popping. It was kind of more, like, I don't want to say, dirgy. but like we walked upstairs and there was a very well-lit room on one side filled with boys and on the other side

and they're all men but like they're all wearing like real tight shirt I was like I was just like in my head I wanted to be like look at all the boys let's hear it for the boys yes it was very much that and then we walked up another little staircase in a room filled with mirrors

and just I think what I was most surprised at was that they were flaccid and Holden was surprised that I thought that they would be hard. But I've been to a male strip club before and only once. And I will say it was like on 9th Ave and 43rd Street in New York. So if you're familiar with New York, that's kind of a no man's land. And everyone was hard.

So, and it wasn't what I expected. And you saw the dicks from so many angles because of all the mirrors. And what you don't notice at first are the. gimp masks and the jerry curl wigs, but you do notice it second. And it was, I was just so, but I couldn't stop staring at how classed they were. I immediately, he was immediately gone. I was describing this experience to a queer friend in Philly and their immediate response was, got to keep the straights out.

And so I appreciate, you know, it's like, hold and literally walked upstairs, saw it, and then turned around and walked back down. And then, and not in like a, we pulled out dollars. And truly, not in like a, oh, I'm a big homophobic way, but just in like, all right. I saw the dicks and now this is not a space for me. This is just my... It was like a weird spidey sense went off. I was like, this is not my space.

And, you know, honestly, I was like, I'm just, I really don't, I just don't feel queer at all. So I literally would have just, I did start laughing uncontrollably. So I was like, I should be up here because I'm just scream laughing at what's happening right now. And that's not, you know, that doesn't feel okay either. So I just like, like, ran downstairs just beside myself. so, it was so funny.

The whole thing, I don't know how to describe why it was so. They were kind of gremliny. They were like goblin people. It just so was not what we expected at all. And I didn't know where all the boys had come from. It was really the mismatch of the upstairs and the downstairs. Desolate, quiet dive bar downstairs. Thumping.

It's like, as Holden was describing it to me, I was like, it sounds like the Shining. Like you just walked into, like you're in an empty building and you walk into a room and suddenly there's a full ballroom. If the Shining took place in a trailer, you know, like in a trailer park. Like that's, that's yes. Or not the Shire. I was thinking eyes wide shut, actually. But it was like if, like, eyes wide shut took place in, yeah, trailer home.

It was amazing. Yeah, you know, we really did just, um, I was up there screaming like affirmations at them. And because I didn't. And I swear I could see a smile under. that Gimp mask. But I don't think that I did. To go to Lucky's check it out. It's a great time.

Oh my God. We had an absolute blast. It was awesome. The opposite of the experience that Posh Spice was having, probably during her confessional interview, that her husband, David Beckham, walked in on. I love this story so much that essentially like, so there's this new docu-series, which I really want to watch. There's a Netflix docu series out about the relationship.

I believe it's just called Beckham. And it's about like David Beckham and Victoria Beckham and like, you know, also how they got together. I don't know if it's also about like their individual stories and where they met and where they intertwined because I haven't watched it yet. I watched a trailer and it appears to be mostly about his, him as a soccer star. And I got to say as somebody who's soccer. I don't care about soccer, but the trailer looked riveting.

I'll watch it. I'm down. I mean, this is what was so smart. about them including this little moment as I think a lot of people are gonna watch it that we're not gonna watch it before. Right, right, right. Yes.

That was so just well done in every way. And I just love like when somebody just, because sometimes people will just like stand by their dumb statement and just like not like bend on it, but like, bend it like Beckham. But the fact that she finally did. Oh my God, I love that movie. Yeah.

It was a really, it was genuinely a very good movie. I did watch it back of the day. But I do love that. I understand. She backed down and she was like, a Rolls Roy. I understand what Victoria, what Posh was essentially saying because she said, we both come from families that work very hard.

We're very working class. I think that she meant that both of our families work very hard. But literally David Beckham opens up the door and was just like, be honest. And she's like, I am being honest. And he just essentially was like, what car did your dad drive you to school in? And she definitely just kind of backs down in the moment. And it's just like, well, you know, like, it's not a simple answer, but then, like, he's like, come on, be honest. And she's like, well, yeah, in the 80s, my dad had a Rolls Royce that he would take me to school in.

And which is insane. Can you imagine, like, I've never even, I don't even know if I've seen a Rolls Royce in real life. You know what I mean? Not that I would be able to see. I guess, no, it's got the, it's like the, it's like a fancier version of the car and who framed Roger Rabbit. Yeah, and it's, like, tits, like. It's got breasts. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a car that's got this. Yeah. Like the wheel, like the overwheels. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was thinking more of like a hooded eyelashes, but I think that's again because of the car from the frame car. Yeah, yeah.

A man. Oh, I love that part. A man. No, but I like the, yeah, she just does a kind of thing that I do think a lot of rich people do, like there's nothing inherently wrong with being rich. Like there's a problem with the way things are distributed. but I think a lot of rich people feel so much like guilt, or maybe they don't identify as a rich person

because maybe they did have a different background or whatever. And maybe her family, like, was fine, but not, like, you know, how she is now, so she feels that difference or whatever, all of which is fine. But I do think a lot of, like, well-meaning rich people will do a thing where they, like, conflate the idea that their families worked hard

with being working class. And it's like, that is not what that means. Nice try. It doesn't, I believe it. I'll bet your family worked very hard. And I'll bet there, you know, I'll bet there was time. even with your Rolls-Royce,

that maybe it felt like you were getting squeezed on some bills or whatever. That can totally be true for you. You could have totally had that experience. Working class is working class. She definitely grew up well off. Yeah, Rolls-Roy is working class. A Rolls-Royce, because I grew up

like lower upper class, right? And we did not have a fucking Rolls-Royce, bro. Your upper-class, if you owe no rolls, right? Unless you're like buying it like an idiot. You're just taking out credit cards somehow or something. It's like you built it yourself. It's like the simple for rich people. You know.

Yeah, it's like the rich person's car. So unless you're like faking it and you're one of those people, but like you're like a vagabond, then, you know, or whatever. But like, yeah, I'm pretty sure they weren't like that. And they were just a very rich. She grew up rich. No, it's just there's this interesting phenomenon where especially I think famous rich people want to be like, no, no, I'm normal. I'm normal. I came from nothing.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know what it's like. I know what the pores have and what they don't have. Yeah, and they don't. Because that's the whole thing. The one thing we get over you is that you are completely out of touch now. You know what I mean?

And that's the one thing that we get. So let us have it. Rich people get all the money. Everyone else. Yeah. We get to laugh at how you are completely out of the fucking loop on everything because you're just in your isolated kingdom. And it is what it is.

You definitely have it better. you have like pretty much no problems unless you're making them you know what I mean or or unless you have like a bad brain and that's also unfortunate for you but you know like give us this that's the annoying thing celebrities are rich people they want it all they want it all you know what I mean and nothing at all yeah they can't have it's it right yeah yeah you're a weird quote I just did it my brain did a you know that song but I was it is hell Which boy band are we talking about? Is it an Usher? By the way, we've heard you. O-Town. Thank you. Wow, that's a name I haven't heard.

Haven't heard about O-Tod in 150 years. We've heard your screechings and your callings. And by we, I mean specifically Jackie, because for some reason she's the only person who gets this kind of stuff. But we've heard it. We understand the Usher is a talented man of song. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Yes, we take it back. I'm sorry. Usher's good. We're happy. We're excited. We haven't taken away from him. I just still haven't heard a song where I'm like, am I in a library because I'm about to fall asleep right now?

But besides that, I like how he moves his body. We talked ourselves into a frenzy about being excited for his Super Bowl show, though, because Yeah, well, he'll dance and he'll have ludicrous on it. And I wish it was ludicrous's halftime show. Is he move, bitch, you know, beat work. Get out the way. You can say bitch. You're allowed to say a bitch in this context.

Move, lady, get out of the way. Yeah, thank you, thank you. Nice, nice lady. Nice lady. Nice way. I respect you. I hope they have him. I respect you.

You fucking bitch. Get out of way. I respect you. Maybe that's why my throat's so thrashed. Oh my God. Screaming that. How loud can you scream, Jackie? I've always wondered.

I can scream pretty loud. Yeah, give it a go. I don't think I should do it right now in the middle of all these shows I have to record today with my voice sounding so crass. Sounds like somebody can't scream really loud. Yes, I can't. I can't. I lie. This is like that moment in the most recent British bake-off, there's like, you know, there's the new bake-off.

And there was a moment where the new host, I like the new host a lot. She's really fun. I like her a lot. I like her a lot. Except for the moment where she was harassing that man who hadn't done stand-up for 30 years to tell her a joke. And he was so uncomfortable. And he was like, I don't remember my plea.

Like, I don't want to. And she was just like, come on, do it. And then she started clucking like a chicken. What are we? And I was like, oh my God. Because if you've ever done stand up for three minutes, you will spend the rest of your life having people be like, what's to tell me a joke?

Tell me a joke. And it is literally the worst thing. It doesn't work like that. It does not work like that. even if I had a joke to tell you. And I haven't done stand-up in a decade. And if somebody said, tell me a joke, I would be like, I don't remember. And this person has not done stand-up in three decades.

And he was like, I cannot tell you a joke. She wouldn't leave him alone. But I do like her other than that. That's just like, Holden, not like making Jackie scream on the podcast. I mean, it sounds like somebody. People are driving, Holden. People can't have Jackie screaming in their ears while they're driving. I will not give in your cooking.

God, I just wish I had seed in my pockets Just so I could throw seed It's? Yeah, seed. When I say seed, I mean the other thing, but I see it too. Oh, I'm sorry. There's also something actually called seeds, Holbin. There's a thing called seeds.

It's bird seed, okay? You got to preface it, okay? If you just say seed, I'll think of the other thing. Well, I don't know what you keep in your pockets. Yeah, and I don't know you get it in your pocket, honestly. Jackie always keeps bird seed in one pocket and jesus. pocket and jizz and the other. Yeah.

So I can make a paste. So I can make like crunchy paste is what I call it. And I say crunchy paste, crunchy paste. Put it in a roll. And then I roll it up like a little Play-Doh snake. And then I put it down the back of my throat like it's a snake down the back of a toilet. Like it's in there. We call that a protein bar.

Yeah. We call that a human protein bar, a human bird hybrid protein bar. That's beautiful. You know, we know celebs they're just like us. and sometimes they are and sometimes they're not. But they will say that I'm actually really proud of Pamela Anderson for going the whole natural beauty route that now Pam Anderson is like, she just, during Paris Fashion Week, was on the red carpet with no makeup on. And I know that this shouldn't be this like, brave, go for ha.

But you know what, to me is someone that is like I put on my face and I do feel differently when I've got my face on. versus when I don't have my face on. And like, seeing that, you know, the difference between celebrities and people like us is that I don't look as naturally beautiful as Pam Anderson does without makeup on, because how beautiful does she look in these pictures? I know you're not fishing for a column of Jackie,

but I have to say I literally thought about you. I'm not baiting. No, I know. You're not baiting. but I literally thought about you during this while I was reading this article because I think that there is a thing where you see it on reality shows too when you get so used to someone's makeup face and then you see them without it it's not that they don't look awesome but it's like can be very like wow like you look different you know like and so oftentimes on reality shows I think

people look you know cuter or differently cute without their makeup but you get so used to a certain face that when you see like a you know their face looks different. it can be like a little bit shocking. And while I was looking at this article, I was like, wow, she does look so beautiful. She looks really different than kind of how I picture her. And I was like, Jackie doesn't look different at all without makeup. That was what I thought.

Thank you. And again, it's not even a value judgment like, oh, you look, you know, it's like I almost feel sometimes when I watch reality shows, it's like too hot to handle and they take their makeup off before bed. And I feel, it almost feels like regressive to be like, they look cuter without makeup because there's like a, you know, there's the whole, there's so much value on makeup.

Like what are you, you shallow or whatever. And it's not like that at all. Like I think it's an incredible skill to be able to put on a face like that. I think it's, I think if you're beautiful with makeup, it doesn't mean you're like,

it doesn't mean that's like fake or less real or whatever. So it's not even a value judgment, but some people do just like look really different. Right. And I was like, Jackie just looks this. But maybe, I mean, I also know you really well,

but I'm just like, no, Jackie just looks like it's just the same Jackie. Whereas, again, Pam Anderson, We've spent decades seeing what she looks like as a famous person with all of that that comes with it. And so seeing her without any of that kind of like presentation, I was like, wow, that's what she looks like. I felt like I hadn't really seen her before. Yeah.

And there was this whole, you know, there's this whole section in the new season of Love is Blind where this dude. And like, I could completely tell where he was coming from. And I guess spoilers, but not spoiler. I mean, I guess it is a spoiler just because it is something that was said on Love is Blind. But like, I'm not giving like a lot away is what I'm saying. It was someone that doesn't know how to effectively communicate was saying that like when I first saw you out of the pods, I was like, oh. And because you had so much makeup on. This was the dumb.

One of the dumbest moments. And she got really upset, which I completely understood because he's like, I like you better like this because she had no makeup on and not the fake eyelashes. But it's like, but also it's like asshole. I'm going to be on national fucking television. And he said it in such dumb. Like he wasn't affected. Like he's so, I'm just saying there was a way for this conversation to go where it would have been,

it's taken like the way that I could tell he meant it. But still, yes, they're unreality. I'm not defending him. I don't want anyone to think I'm defending him. I'm just saying this is a common thing. I went through it too in high school. But that was when I was a high school kid. this guy's acting like a noble teenager or young man.

This is a young man thing. You go, you're beautiful without the makeup. Yes, exactly. And you think you're being a feminist, but you're actually being really patriarchal and condescending. You're being a real dickhead because, A, you're like dismissing all of the work they put in to, like, be beautiful, to, like, beautify themselves for you. It takes effort to look like this, you dick.

It takes a lot of effort, and that's effort is kind of part of what is important about them doing it. because then you see that effort and you would appreciate that effort. But instead he's going like, and all men think they're being so noble. And I've been there. I've been this guy before. Oh, they think they're being so. By the way, not only do they think they're being noble, the most I really think is they're like the first person who's ever had this thought.

You're beautiful without the makeup. And by the way, by the way. Yeah, then they like take a bow. Yeah. Like they think they're just doing this amazing thing as a person. Because also they're like, it's the other thing I think that happens a lot is You see, you're always beautiful when I see you without the makeup. It's always light makeup.

There's always a light makeup happening, by the way. What guys don't understand is... I do think there's a way for men to be able to... Or for anyone to be able to say that you look better without makeup on... Sure, but like the way he was doing it was being so... The way he was doing it was shitty, yes. But still, it's like, I think it's such a... I'm just saying...

You can say it or like, I get, like, if you want the kind of gal where it's like love off the spectrum or something and you guys... just kind of live more al-natural, like that's one thing. But I think most guys, it's coming from this lame, like, I'm trying to be better than the other guys. And I'm trying to be. Totally. And it's like more this effort to try to be this, like, have this, like, unique, amazing perspective on beauty and all this kind of stuff. And you're just being a fucking prick.

And it's like the One Direction song, you don't know you're beautiful. That's what makes you beautiful. It's like, wait, no, I want you to know you're beautiful. And you don't need me to tell you like, actually, I know your self-esteem better than you do. I feel like that's what it is. You know, it's like you're basically telling someone, if you're like, you're pretty without it. You're basically saying like, I think you have low self-esteem and I know better. It's like, you know what, let them be in charge.

Exactly. And it just sounded like, it was just this, like, holier than thou kind of position, not like a genuine position. And also, also, I think that was bullshit in the first place because, like, that's why he was like just like not talking. to her for several days. Oh, yeah. Like, that's what, I'm sure that's not fucking wise. Oh, no, we're going to be screaming about love is blind over on the leftovers. Oh, we're going to be screaming about it.

I'm pretty much all caught up where we like, I think, yeah, I think we are caught up. I think maybe one more episode, but man. But Pamela Anderson is gorgeous with makeup and gorgeous without makeup. And I just think that that is such an amazing thing to see that like, she's like, she's just embracing herself. Yeah, I just like that she's embracing her. her age. I think it's fine.

Because I feel like it was so exciting to see like Jane Fonda be like, I am over 80 and still one of the hottest women you've ever seen. And I feel like that's really cool. But also, Jane Fonda has like explicitly been like, I have had tons of work done and I wear absolute tons of makeup. And so it's just kind of aging in a different direction for Pamela Anderson to be like, yeah, but also what if I looked like this? It's almost as if everybody, as long as they're just allowed to do whatever they want to do,

can and embrace themselves and be confident is it's great whatever you want to do if you want to get the work get the work you know if you want to go all natural you're no better than the other person you're both just finding a way to embrace who you are as you go into old age as long as you don't just fucking get a fucking you know they get in there just carve it all out and then you're like a balloon animal you know what I mean yeah yeah like a balloon Loon animal. But I think it's time for a celebrity conspiracy here. I want to live in this moment longer.

I'm not trying to just get us out of it. Thank you for stopping me in my job. Hey, me with the share. Do you believe it? Is some annoying music guy haunting one of our dear listeners' Instagram? What? That's right. This comes in from Lydia with the subject line.

Why does he haunt me? Now, I'm going to give you, let me just pull up this one so that, let me see here, I'm trying to pull up, yeah, let me give you this MJ. This is, and then I'll play it for you as well, and just a little bit Jackie while I get into this. Here, here it is. So this is this guy, Sean Stevens music. He is a absolute nightmare. Let me read you the email. Yeah.

We're going to have to play a clip for, for, for, people as well. We will as well, but I'm also giving it to you guys so you can listen to it live on air. I do not like what I'm seeing. Yes, you're not going to like what you're seeing. So, page 7 crew, long time listener, first time emailer. I have no one else to turn to and you might be the only people that can shoulder this burden with me. I'm the most annoyed. I've maybe ever been in my life and I need you on my side here. There is a musician man on Instagram named Sean Stevens who has been a literal online poltergeist to me. gives very, I'm not like other dad's energy with his shock of lime green hair and what look like veneers,

but I think are just his real life doofy teeth. He's always wearing a fancy vest, usually a tie that he shirks off to show that he may be a CEO of a business during the day, but he can still fucking rock at night. His page is filled with videos of him lip syncing his singles in Times Square, the Washington Monument, in front of giant speakers on a tiny plunky piano, a dance studio, his car, an airport skyway. he's very inventive. These songs are not good. They're so not good that I think he may be hexing me and countless others with his repetitive chance of calling all unicorns, unicorns, or you're so beautiful, don't you see?

One thing that would make you perfect remove the blemish, that is me. And this is the best one. I'm a rectangle, I feel it in my bones, I'm rectangular, I feel no whole. And the rectangle song, you've got to hear the rec. Is that a gronky song? I'm listening to it right now. You're the reg. It's so bad, right? How would you describe it, MJ? And I'll play it for Jackie.

I mean, he is dressed. I hate to say this. He's dressed a little bit like me. Yeah. He's wearing a vest and a loose tie. And he's got the frosted tips that are green. He's standing in front of the Washington Monument. And he is singing like a very like produced sound. Or that not produced is not the right word. But it's very like, uh, uh, there's a lot of synth, a lot of synth, and he's singing, I am rectangular. Yeah, let me plan for Jackie real quick. Oh my God. I'm rectangular.

I am rectangular. It is so bad. At one point our listener thought that this guy might be A.I. Until finding video proof showing otherwise and found this out, quote, turns out shiny boy grew up with missionaries, which explains his manic youth pastor energy and intense, spoopy stare. He has infiltrated my algorithm. Once it got really bad and I had the

rectangle song of his stuck in my head and my partner set his alarm to it. So I was in woke and immediately filled with rage at 5 a.m. 2. I am rectangular. I feel it in my bones. I am rectangular. It's gotten really bad. That's a great get. That's a really good get.

I can free myself from his blocky Canadian clay head. Please don't take my word for it. Find him on IG under the handle at Sean Stevens dot music. I really hope I'm not playing into this curse. This is the thing. I think this is like a smile, it follows thing. Like she's just passing it

on to us. Now we're playing. Yes, now it's our problem. And all of our listeners' problem. Because April, yeah, we're a high. Can you play some I am rectangular for everybody? Yeah, April hit it. I am rectangular. I feel that in my bones.

I am rectangular. I feel no whole. I am rectangular. For a circle, I am right-tanked. Please advise on how to best rid myself of this spirit. For this email, the 10 of your closest friends where Sean will appear above you as your sleep at. I feel like we just got Hicks.

And, man. You just got thinnered. Wow. Holden, stop playing it. Holden just playing it again and again in my ears. April, maybe play some more. I'm recta. Thank you.

look And it looks like He does have youth pastor energy That is exactly right So Lydia I'm so sorry I love that it says in his bio Come for the crazy Stay for the music

That makes you want to Punch him in the face Also he has I mean, the I Am Rectacular video has only, like, 500 views. They must all be from Lydia. So we are about to, like, blow up this guy's Instagram. All this guy's whole Instagram up. Yeah, this is one of those guys.

It's like, man, it's always a shame. I get how it gets stuck in your head, Lydia. Why did you do this? I am rectangular. I feel it in my bones. Well, he can't feel the whole. I have no whole part is weird because is he doing a sex. innuendo or is because he seems like a clean comedy guy.

He's the anti-gronky. He has no hole and he does have like green hair and stuff but not green skin. You're right. You know what I mean? He is the anti-gronky. He is the anti-gronk for sure. Yeah. Yeah, because he seems like a man who doesn't make jokes about buttholes.

Yes, he definitely seems like a butthole free zone kind of guy. I mean, he's a CEO. A whole free zone entirely. Yeah, a whole free zone entirely. If he's talking about he's a rectangle. But doesn't a rectangular create a rectangle create a hole when you're really thinking about it? It's a non-second. I'm rectangular.

I have no holes. He's filled. He's filled. He's filled. He's built to the brim. Yeah. Yeah. But a rectangle has nothing to do with holes.

There's no hole associated with a rectangle. I haven't seen him. If he said I'm a donut but I have no hole, it would make sense, you know. I'm a circle, but I have no hole would even make sense. Right. I've never thought it's a rectangle. Does it have a hole? I have no donut hole.

I think that there's ways that you can change it to donut. Change it. But what about he's also a unicorn, right? Isn't he, I am a unicorn, a unicorn? Is he the unicorn or are his fans the unicorns? Oh, I'm not sure. I'm really not sure. Only one way to find out.

Get more of him into your Instagram, Al-Gar. I don't want to, I am so scared of even saying it in front of the phone because we've already said it in front of the phone. And now all y'all's phones, if you just played this podcast in front of your phone, this, this poltergeist is about to show. up in all of our lives now. Lydia! What did you do at us?

Why would you do this? Daz? Damn, only 5,000 followers, huh? Yeah. Well, I know. It is surprising. Almost as surprising is what we're going to find out

from the list. Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie! Gotta have that list. Oh, just a general list of surprising facts about mega celebrities. Did you know, which I didn't realize that he sold them.

Sir Anthony Hopkins paints canvases that sell for up to $80,000. Wow. He paints four times a week for hours and hours, and he's made more paintings than he can count. This one I was not aware of. Margot Robbie has given a hundred tattoos to different people in her free time. Oh, as Harley Quinn. Yes. And I do, I find that, like, I would be so, so.

scared. I mean, I say that now, and I think it's just because I'm older, but like, we've all gone through the time period in our lives when we had a friend that had a tattoo gun, and then you just... Did the stick and pox? Oh, yeah, and just getting random things put on your body. I've got two

dots on my back from a friend that had a tattoo gun, and that will be there till the end of time. Wait, can I just point out something kind of crazy? If you look under every single picture, it says, source, 36 bananas facts about fame celebrity. So this listicle has pulled all of the listicle items from a completely other listicle whole hog.

Every single one of them is from this other list. And this is 35 surprising facts. I was going to say the other list, this list has 35. The source list has 36. Whoa. Whoa. So, do they just put them in different order? Is it also cracked?

It's also cracked. What? in the fucking hell. Cracked is a snake eating its own tail. No. I mean, this is the big about the list. Yeah. We started the, we started this show over a decade ago when lists, internet lists were a big thing and now internet lists are no longer quite the big thing, which is why it's so

funny that we still have the list. We are looking for all the last lists left on the internet and apparently so is cracked. Unreal, dude. Anyway, it doesn't really affect your performing of the list, but I I just wanted to point that out. That's so crazy. No, because then they also, if it's not from that list, there's also 19 celebrities who are huge fans of surprising stuff.

So they also, they pulled from those two lists. I'm more of a bananas facts kind of guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. I get that. I get that. I get that. I get that. I totally get that.

Yeah, well, did you know that Johnny Depp has a room full of fancy Barbie dolls? Sure, yeah, absolutely. He reportedly uses them to test new voices. He originally collected them for his daughter, and now she's a freak, yeah. And when she lost interest, he couldn't bring himself to get rid of them. He has a number of limited edition barbies like Beyonce, Paris Hilton, Marilyn Monroe, and Audrey Hepburn. I love how he's, like, trying to pass it off, like, it's an acting thing, and he's just, he's not just like a weird doll guy. It's okay, Johnny.

You can be a weird. Yeah. You can play with dolls. It's fine. I'm not even going to call you weird. It's embrace your childhood side of you and not. the side of you that's, you know, at a trial. You know what I mean?

All the other things. Would you dare say that he's a freak? Yeah. Oh, my God. He's the, oh, gee. How do you think she got the inspiration, dude? Oh, God. You heard this list of my new remix of the song

you've already heard 20,000 times. I'm a freak. Oh! What are you squinching at? Sorry, I'm making a squinch face because one of the facts on this list is Mylie Cyrus's first paid job was to go, go on stage after her dad's show and pick up all the throne bras and underwear, he paid her $10 to do it.

Gross. That is a bananas fact. Well, they don't talk anymore, right? Maybe that's partly why. That is Benoonis. No. Everything I learned about that guy is a no for me. Yeah, it sounds like very justified cutting off of a family member for sure.

Yeah. Well, this definitely makes me a lot more engorged. Actor Jason Mamoa is also a painter, having studied art in Paris, which isn't strange considering that his mother is a professional painter and photographer, which I also did not know about him. Nice. Oh, my God, did you know? Also, that actor Ed O'Neill is hardcore into martial arts? He's not just a fan.

he's a jujitsu black belt. Fuck yeah. Go for him. Yeah, go for him. Now, Kurt Cobain used to claim that he invented grunge fashion because he was broke. Yeah, he said his mismatching outfits

were mostly stuff he bought in thrift stores, which of course, like, that's, yeah, it makes complete sense. Yeah, grunches maybe the weirdest era of fashion ever, especially how they, like, made you, and then Abercrombie and Fitz tried to make you pay like $100 for a shitty flip. shirt and like fake ripped jeans.

What a weird time for fashion. Like all of it was shit you could just get out of fucking marshals. But they tried to figure out how to, and they tricked so many people into being like, yeah, I have to go to Abercrombie and Fitch. I can't go to the thrift store and get a shitty flannel shirt. I have to go here and spend $200 for one. That's why I love how comfortable the zoomies are. Yeah.

I hate all this of like, looks like they just got out of bread. Good for them. I think I see. They're going to fucking school. You're quoting hold of it right now. Oh, yes. I think it's great. I also have no problem with the comfy look.

I just had a Brockhead. And I don't even have a problem with the broccoli head. I just find that it's an indicator of shenanigans. You're just an old man and you've noticed the youth. Yeah. The indicator of shenanaginry is the Brockhead. That's all it is. Every generation has.

Let them be comfortable. Go be comfortable. Even though, like, I feel like they did find a way to make slides very expensive, right? I feel like there's designer slides now and like designer sweat pants and sweatshers. Oh, yeah. Definitely. Yeah, yeah.

They really lean into it. And crocs are not the cheapest. Crocs are not, you know, you got to get off-brand crocs if you want to save money. Real crocs. How much is a pair of real crocs? Like $80. $40? Oh, 40 bucks is fun.

Oh, I mean, when I was looking for my kids, it was like 40 bucks. Growing up cracks might even be more. I was looking at the, like, the funny, the silly ones. Yeah, like, little not Zach's crox. Yeah, those are more. But those are more. The crutes are $120. Wow.

Well, that's a lot more crock, though, for your buck. Yeah. It's a lot more crack, but you could get a non-rubber boot for that much money. For sure. I'm just to do one more from our list, and that is Ice Cube geeks out over architecture, to a point that he's a Getty museum expert on the subject. Before returning to Compton to revolutionize rap, I studied architectural drafting. So for their 2011 post-war exhibition,

the Getty made him their resident expert on Hollywood architectural design legends Charles and Ray Eames. I love seeing a dudes like this, like, get into the nerdy shit they're nerdy about. Like, I love seeing, like, Lil Wayne at the tennis match. You know what I mean? Or did you see Cardi B on Hot once talking about how much she loves learning about FDR?

Yes. I don't know. She, like, loves learning about World War II. Yeah, yeah. So they had all these Eleanor Roosevelt facts, just like Jackie had an Eleanor. Roosevelt fact. I think the first version of that was Alice Cooper in Wayne's world, right? Talking about all this like high, you know, higher thinking stuff and then being like,

yeah, these like rock stars and rappers and stuff, they're all into like some kind of weird corner of nerdy shit, you know? And right. And of course these people have to be like very smart to have made it to where they are. But I think sometimes they just get written on. Right. Because they're like, oh, they just, yeah, because of the shit they sing about or whatever. and it's like, no, they're all like Uber nerds. That's why you have to be that smart to get that successful, period. Totally. You know what I mean?

Like, there's just no way you can't, especially if you're working with like music or something, you know, like to a certain degree. At least to have a lifelong career like an Ice Cube or an Alice Cooper, you know, or something like that. Oh, yeah, wait, Alice Cooper is canceled or whatever, right? Well, whatever, dude. You know what I mean? Like, somebody like them. You know what I mean? Keep going.

Just let them go, you know? Let's see what happens. Just roll the dice of whatever Is that your list, Jackie? That's my list. All right. Well, I think some people love to hear this. I think I'm going blind.

Blind. Oh, we can't see them. Oh, we can't see them. All right. The good news is we will all probably wake up on October 16th and the relationship everyone excessively discusses will be hopefully be over. That is when opening weekend is over. I mean, trav and tay.

Yeah, just the blinds. are so mad about their relationship, and I think it's just because it's like one of the only news things happening, and so you just begin to resent it because it's one of the only news things happening, but it's very funny. They definitely, the blinds are firmly

in the belief, and a lot of people are talking about this right now, this is obviously a celebrity conspiracy, that this is a fake relationship for the benefit of both Taylor Swift and the NFL. Yes, yes. Opening weekend, what is it, the airs movie? The airs movie theater, yeah, yeah. Huh.

I highly doubt the relationship is going to be over October 16th or that it's even a fake relationship, but definitely everybody's benefiting from this. And the NFL's milking it for all its fucking worth at this point. I mean, you could dress up as trav when we go to the Ares tour. I could dress up as Trave. I know, but you know what? I don't want to wear the cop-out boyfriend outfit to ERAs. I want to wear the, hey, I'm a motherfucking swiftly outfit because that's...

I am going to scream the entire time. He's my work husband. I didn't drag a ring. husband. Because that's a little how I felt because I wore a hi, it's me, I'm the problem, it's me T-shirt. And I kept seeing like husbands wearing the like, hi, it's me, I'm the husband, it's me, literally, like, it's written on

a T-shirt. And kind of with a smirk on their face, like, I can't believe I'm here. And I'm like, oh, I'm not that guy. Like, I love this. I want to be here so badly, you know? You better let Jackie put on so much glitter on your face. Sure. That is how you show that you

are not the grumpy husband. Yeah, well, and I think I am, I think I'm going to look up a snake costume to wear as long as Lexia lets me, and I'll just dress up fully as a snake, as long as it will not block any views. Because that is fine, you brought that up before we start recording taggues. It's definitely a thought I had, but because I don't want to be that guy either. What? I never understand it. The people who bring the big signs and stuff, and it's like, everybody around you is like fucking so. Pets, they can see.

You're not at a wrestling match, bro. Yeah, like, no one can see. But anyways, I just think, what are you guys saying? Do you think that there's an inkling that this relationship is fully fabricated? 100%. Of course, it's not real. Yeah. I think it's completely not real.

I had not really considered it, but I do, I have now come, after talking with Jackie about it, I do unfortunately think that it is a mutually beneficial agreement. But also, who gives a shit? Yeah, yeah, who gives the shit? And she might still be holding out for a woman, so. I mean, us Gaylars, this is our hope. Right.

You know, we are on the side of that. Yeah, you guys are just blinded by the Gayler thing, I just don't know why him. Like, why him for a mutually beneficial PR thing? Because of the Super Bowl. He was a bowl boy last year, right? He's one of the best titans, like, of all time. See, this is why I could never get into a ballast.

Because every time they say Titan, I'm like, he's got one. He's got one. I mean, I think you could definitely, like, he's definitely, like, also he's very, like, comfortable with fame stuff. and very like down with that. He's a very specific type of football player that's like flamboyant and likes to make a scene and have fun. But he's also probably like as Disney as you can get.

Like he doesn't have a rap sheet. He doesn't have anything like that. If you're looking at it for a relationship sense, it makes sense too, though, I will say. Because Joe Alwyn was classically Mr. Foro snoro. Yeah. Hyde from the paparazzi.

He would like, you know, and he was such a dick, he would like run into the van and like Taylor would be like running right behind him. Like, he always, like, walked ahead of her. And stuff. And it seemed like... How dare he?

It seemed like she was just, he was just, like, ashamed of her, at least the pop star version of her, right? And whereas Travis Kelsey's like, he went to her show and wanted to give her a friendship bracelet and made a stink about it on his podcast. And he's, like, very...

He's openly... Yes. ...into her music and into her show and into her celebrities. So that, I mean, does also make sense if they really are in a true one. relationship together, but it is very, like, obvious and lucrative, you know, and there were immediately ERA's advertisements running, like, as soon as she started seeing him and showing up

to games, like at the games and on TV. I mean, it's not an unsmart move. Not an unswarned move at all, and it's definitely something that you're right, even if she is faking it, like, no one cares if it's fake. Yeah, I could still stand. I still stand, and I don't give a shit. I mean, she's the mastermind. She wrote a whole song about it.

She masterminds every step of her shit. Good fall. All right. The former bird company somehow thinks this former A-List reality star from well over a decade ago. Bird company as an... Yes. The former bird company somehow thinks this former A-List reality star from well over a decade ago is an A-plus list everything.

She will take their check and cash it and will contribute nothing. She knows she screwed the company over good, ridiculous. Well, Twits. Twitter is the form. It's like, yeah. And reality star. Yeah, she used to be hated on. Now she's beloved.

She's a DJ. She's- Harris Hilton. Hilton signed a deal with X-to-host videos featuring live shopping and other content geared to music, mothering, and cooking. And take the money and run, girl. Everybody does it with this stuff, man. I mean, every new streaming site that happens, kick is the newest one.

All these famous streamers are taken. multi-million dollar deals. They go over to the new streaming site. They do the minimum of what they need to do to earn that money. And then they just go back to Twitch. Yeah. And Twitter is now like, yeah, we're going to be like video and multimedia. And I, it's so hard to like, it's so, whenever I see this, I'm like, uh-huh, yeah, I'm going to have fun with that, trying to turn your whole platform into something it's not, which will inevitably fuck it over. Remember dig? Remember dig. It was like second Reddit and they tried to do a big changeover and everyone left that day. They all left and they all went to Reddit and it just, we just kept it moving because people like

their format. You know what I mean? Yeah. When it comes to a service like a social media service, right? And you can maybe like add things and maybe it like, I feel like stories on Instagram is a good example of like something that was added that people were like what is this like what are you trying to do that was very based on what like TikTok I'm guessing and it kind of worked for them eventually but if you're trying to like do a total like this is 24 hours so I imagine it's also like the snap idea yeah totally but I don't know oh yeah it was more Snapchat that it was taking it from but I say snap because I'm young yeah and I say Snapchat because I'm 40 yeah because you're old All right, last one.

Apparently this A-list reality star has a 25-plus page writer. She has sent to this late-night show just for her to be a plus one of somebody. It's a late-night reality show. It's not like a late-night show. SNL. Yes. Do you know of the performers coming up on it? He is a...

I know Pete Davidson is. Yes, which is very fun. Shout out to Mike Lawrence, who's writing on the show right now. He is a singing, rapping man. He's an evil animal. He is... I wasn't listening to your blind. What do you mean?

I just didn't listen. Do you want me to repeat it? Yes, please. Apparently this A-list reality star has a 25-plus page writer she has sent to this late-night show just for her to be a plus-one of someone. Crazy.

So this person is the plus one of the musical guest on SNL. Okay. The musical guest is an evil animal. he's a not good it's not yay no he's a not good hopping thing

he's a not good hopping he's a frog he's a frog person oh my god how was he gonna get across the road not good hopping thing that's the only thing you get bad bunny

yes ah not good hopping thing and what annoying person not good hopping an evil animal

and what what dumb fuck person is he in a relationship with lately. Oh, the 25 plus page writer to be a plus one. Kendall Jenner, Kendall Jenner. And I believe it. I believe she has a 25 plus

page writer just to be in the green room. That makes a lot of sense. I'll go with that. I'll go along with that. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I bet they deal with that shit all the time. Yeah, dude. Wow. Oh, I wonder what's in her writer. Just so much stuff she's never going to touch. Just so much stuff that she's never even going to

Like, you know what you mean? Yeah, dude. Yeah. I mean, yeah, because it's obviously, I don't, I mean, I would assume it's not a bunch of food. So, like. I doubt it's a 25, how do you even fill a 25 plus page writer? And it's not like those green rooms like, wow, I've been there or whatever because like whatever when I got to see Tay perform. But I mean, those green rooms aren't like huge.

It's really not that fancy because you're in 30 Rock. It's a classic, you know, building backroom. Yeah, I mean, they're nice, like, but they're not like a giant, you know, it's not this. like giant, elegant, fancy, ass crazy green room, like you might get in like a stadium show or something. Yeah. You know?

So I don't even know how you would fill a room with a 25 plus page. I mean, our writer is a page, and we already get treated weird by a lot of venues about it because it's so apparently fancy. So I couldn't imagine. How dare they want pizza?

You mean the 12 Budlights that we ask for? The 12 Budlights and any amount of food. A veggie plate and a meat plate. That is our writer, by the way. Oh, and a bottle of tequila-ish, but now we just get shots from the bar. Shots in the bar. Shots in the bar. Don't even say the word shot in front of me.

Oh. So fun. Oh, my God. Well, are those your blinds? Them's my blinds. Can you see again? Wow. Welcome back, Holden.

You're made it just in time for the end of the show. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's episode of page 7. So happy to be back. And thank you to everybody who came out to the release, Butthole Cut tour. Hopefully we'll be getting more dates in the future. But for right now, man, we had an absolute blast and you can hear how thrashed we are because we had too much fun. And isn't it nice to, like, at least we sound thrashed because we had too much fun and not because we were just like, you know, screaming into the ether just going, why? God, why? Which maybe

there was a little bit of that, but it wasn't all that. So don't worry. My name is Jack. Becky Zabrowski, you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And you can also email us at page 7 podcast at gmail.com, really whenever you want. We're always here, and I'm here to read what you've got to say. Check us out, patreon.com.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Page 7.com forward slash page 7 podcast. I've been told we offer the best, most bonus content of any of the places people patron, Patreon, too.

Weekly bonus episodes, we do the leftovers which are about to record, where we wrap up all the articles we didn't cover in the main feed episode. We also have Jackie's regular book readings, and for 10 bucks a month, you can join us over on our Discord for our Jersey Shore watchalongs every Thursday at 5 p.m.

Thank you so much for that. Twitch.tv.4.S. Holdenatres ho. Catch me and Jackie on Fridays. Jackie with the holdies. We stream at 6 p.m. ET every Friday, unless we're on the road. But right now, we're back from the road. Until we go back on the road again for San Diego.

San Diego, check out tickets at last podcast network.com. Get to that San Diego show. Oh, my God. We're going to have a blast. We're going to have so much fun. We're going to have so much fun. MJ.

Talk about a festival. It is going to be all of us. Festival of Balls. Festival of Balls. And my name is MJ and I'm MJK LKK. On Instagram. Let's sing the song. Shout, shout, shout, let it all out.

These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on, we're gonna read them to you, come on. Thank you, thank you everybody for sending in your shoutouts. And you can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com, or you could just send whatever the heck you'd like, even if it's just a high hello, or maybe, again, not to bring up pictures of guinea pigs, but if you have pictures of guinea pigs, maybe guinea pigs wearing little costumes, I'll always accept it.

Again, that is at page seven podcast at gmail.com. And ooey, gooey, cablooey. Oh, God, I'm sorry, where did that come from? I'm very excited because there are some sibling shoutouts. I'm starting off with our first sibling shout-outs. I'm starting off with our first sibling shoutout and goes out to Nikki. And I just want to say thank you, Nikki, for saying all the very nice things to us. It makes me so happy to you put such a smile on my face.

And also, what bar did you work at? Anyway, Nikki says, This shout out is for the one who made me a big sister. My sweet brother, Chase. We both grew up in extremely unconventional situations, but we are literally the coolest pair of siblings on earth. When I was in my late 20s, I finally came in contact with my biological father after many years of searching.

I met him in person shortly thereafter, but it's been extremely painful and complicated every single day since. I've struggled with this more than I can ever express, and I hate to admit it, but I have also regretted opening that can of worms at times. However, through the pain, I was united with a baby, to me, brother, that I never knew I had. Chase, you've been the apple of my eyes since the day I met you on that New Orleans Street corner. I couldn't have dreamed up a more perfect brother if I tried. You've been through so much and you're such a kind, courageous, gentle and loving soul. I almost can't believe it,

but I admire you so much for that. You make me want to be a better human and the best big sister that has ever lived. I am so proud of you. Since you've moved, here, my life has been a dream come true. I'm so thrilled to see you smiling and thriving, and I'm so grateful to be able to see you every day. You will never know how much you've done for my heart and soul, but I will always, always remind you of how much you mean to me. Hashtag obnoxious! The first thing that you introduced me to was the last podcast network, which changed my life forever. I am so grateful for the billions of hours of audiovisual entertainment that you exposed me to.

You've helped me through tough and extremely sad times like an expert. Sorry, you had to do it. Bottom line is, you're perfect. Don't ever change. The fun I have talking with you, screeching with you, laughing with you, smiling with you, musicking with you.

It makes life worth living, dude. As Al Pacino would say, Hua! You are my best friend! Thank you, page seven. Thank you, Nikki, for taking the time And this just, you're right. I was about to be like, I don't know.

Henry and I could totally give you a run for your money. But you know what, Nikki? I take it back. Take it away, Chase and Nikki. And may you ever reign supreme as the best pair of siblings on earth. Although, I don't know, this pair of siblings might give you a run for your money too. I haven't met them in person. And this comes from Jesse.

Jesse wants to give a shout out to the birthday girl, my best friend and big sister, Kayla. Although we are almost four years apart in age, our souls are twins. She is my favorite human and the person I know will always be there for me. I honestly don't know how I would have survived this life without her. I don't even know what to say. She's the person I can always count on. And sometimes I feel like she's the only person that ever really sees me. She's so funny and talented. She's creative and caring and she is the person that feels like home to me. We are so lucky because not only are we best friends, but we also get to work together. We live 15 minutes apart.

We still make sure that we get together for ghost show nights and shopping days and we get to see each other at least five days out of every week. She has always been there to remind me who I am when things get hard. She's an amazing sister and kitty mom to the goodest and handsomest boy jet. We are huge fans of the last pod network. We are constantly talking and laughing about the podcast. and keeping each other up to date on the latest episodes. And I just want to say,

oh, I love your siblingship too. Jesse says it is one of the most fulfilling feelings in the world to have someone like my sister in my life. I am forever grateful for her, and I love her so much. Happy birthday, Kayla. We're going to eat some good chicken wings. And oh my God, I hope you guys did eat some good chicken wings. So much love to you both.

Oh my God, I love siblings. But not only do I love sibling love, I love self-love as well, baby. We had some amazing love come in from Kara Mullins from our chat. Also, oh my God, Kara, I wanted to say thank you so, so, so much for the kind words. It was fabulous meeting you and know you give the best hugs, damn it. Kara says, I would like to send a shout out to this whole community. I was initially disappointed that I wouldn't be able to come to the Columbus show to see you all because of some lame work stuff, but the community, and specifically Pippa No, encouraged me to take the trip.

I was nervous about coming by myself, but once I connected with others from chat, I felt right at home. It was totally worth it, and thank you to this wonderful community and to you all for being the reason it exists. Cannot wait to see you all on the next tour. I love you so much, Karamai. Mullins. Thank you so much for the kind things that you said about us. And I'm so happy you came out. Hell yes, you did it for you. And I'm giving you this shout out. I love you, Karam Mullins. Hell yeah, baby. And moving on to last but not least, we've got an open-ended shout-out. This comes in from Lisa Kay. And I think that people, especially this time of year, we do really need to hear it.

Lisa Kay says, this is less of a shout-out and more of a shout for any of you who are listening and need to hear it. As we approach the holiday seasons, we are going to find ourselves in the company of friends and family. This has always been a struggle for me, as my personal history has been filled with trauma inflicted by those who are close to me. I'm sure many of you can relate. Lately, the concept of being around those who hurt you, intentionally or not, has been rather prevalent in my life. Around one year ago, a friend who was close to me and my family heard us in a life-changing way. For the duration of my friendship with them, I was going through a severe depression spiral. It wasn't until I decided to remove them from my life that I realized that they were a catalyst.

This past year without them has allowed me to climb out of that pit and finally be able to live a life where I can begin to love myself. I have a five-year-old daughter who is learning how to create and maintain friendships. There is one particular friend who has a much different perspective of friendship, and how to spend their time playing. There are times that my daughter will come to us and say that she does not enjoy playing with the other kid, but feels obligated because the kid is her friend. I've been doing my best to teach her that she does not owe anyone her time or friendship

and that if anyone causes more bad feelings than good ones, that she absolutely has the choice to either keep or not keep anyone as her friend. I feel that this is relatable to many of us. So I just wanted to take this moment to shout for anyone going through a similar situation that you do not owe anyone your time and emotional health. You are valuable and your time is a gift, not a guarantee, to anyone, including friends and family. You don't have to suffer those who don't positively impact your life. You have that choice.

With all the love and good vibes from someone trying to live her own advice, Lisa Kay. And thank you so much, Lisa Kay. I think I also needed to hear that and I had absolutely no idea. So thank you so much for writing in and I hope that it touches someone else and you realize maybe I did need to hear this today. Thank you so much for listening every week and for your shoutouts and you can send in whatever you want to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. And just thank you guys for sharing and being a part of our amazing, amazing community.

I can't wait to meet more of you guys out on the road hopefully soon. Love you guys so much. Have a great week, and we'll be back soon. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.