Page 7 - Ep. 513: Rubik's Cube Talk > Tay Tay

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

This week Tay updates lyrics for Travis Kelce, CUBE TALK, Jackie and MJ plan to Save Christmas for Thanksgiving, but not before Jackie stakes her claim as the Mariah Carey of the aforementioned Turkey Day, don't have Thanksgiving plans? why not stay at Martha Stewart's house in what sounds like a stressful nightmare!?, Alec Baldwin continues reminds us all he used to do things, Gordon Ramsay is a daddy (again x6), the new Garfield trailer has everyone asking why Jon just can't put Garfield to sleep, in Celeb Conspiracy Corner: Is Jamie Foxx a CLONE TOO!?!?! PART 2 OF LAST WEEKS LIST! THE BLINDZ, SHOUTZ AND MOOOOOOREWant even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I can't not bring it up because comma is the guy on the chiefs. Coming straight home to me. Oh my God. Karma is my boyfriend. I didn't know you were doing this. And comma is a god. And comma is a breeze in my hair on the weekends. Commas are relaxing thought.

Okay, I won't continue. I didn't include it. I didn't include it in the links. Didn't include it. For this week's page seven. I did that on purpose because I was like, we can't. Do you know the people? Do you know the reference?

Oh, yeah. I don't live under a rock, Holden. Good Lord. Of course I know. I used to think you were a reptile or whatever, but I guess you don't love her. I mean, in many ways, I live under many rocks, but of course, you cannot be on the internet without seeing her singing the, he's a guy on the chiefs or whatever and then running into his arms. And she runs up to him and she kisses him. She kisses him.

I'm sorry, we must. Like, I'm trying to not talk about her. I need you to know this. I hear you. I know. The people are mad. But also, I, I, I, I, will say, you know what, I'm going to say it.

I get just as many emails defending what we talk about. Yeah. So I'll throw that out there. Yeah. So I know that we've got some Swiftini's out there. This is very advice. If someone also wrote in and just wrote Rubik's Cube Talk, Greater Than Symbol

Tate Tate. I saw that email. I had nothing else. I was like, wow. Yeah, I didn't respond. I just felt all sorts of weird about it. I didn't know. My whole world chatted. Broke my world. mixed up. How do you feel now? Do you want to talk and you need to process this?

I mean, I'm still solving that fucking cube like it's nobody's business, you know what I mean? But I'm making it everybody's business. That's right. It's cube talk. I mean, I feel like right now I'm feeling a lot more confident about solving for White Cross, but I still feel like my end game is lying.

Don't say this to people that don't understand Cube Talk. Because that is something that we... Solving for White Cross sounds like... We're going to want to stop talking about you. For sure. I did not even catch that. Good catch, Jackie. This is American history. Some of those to solve proof excuses are the same that burn crosses.

This is what you people told us to stop talking about Taylor Swift and now we're talking about white crosses. Okay. Look what happens. All right. No, but it was so sweet. If you don't know, then yes, you do live under a rock. But also, yeah, she changed the lyrics from Karma is the guy in the screen coming home to me to karma is the guy in the chiefs coming home to me. Because originally she was with an actor. So he was the guy in the screen, Joe Alwin. And Travis Kelsey is the guy on the football team, the chiefs. Everybody loves the name of the mascot of that. It was very sweet. He was there with her dad, and that was very sweet. And the hug and kiss was very sweet.

But just as a thought experiment, if you were dating a singer-songwriter, and they took a line from a song that they had written about another person that they had loved and then changed it with you. That's the hottest gesture ever. What are you kidding? Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. I'm just saying, wouldn't you have a little jealous flare?

Like, this song was written for Joe Alwood and now you're singing it to me. This is why this is such a great move. You know, I talk to, I have this couple that I'm friends with and I love what the wife did. She said, take me to all of the places that your exes went with you on like vacations. And we're going to erase those memories and make better new memories in all of those places. And that's what they did. That is intense. So any place you went to.

Erased her. Are you thinking about me? Are you thinking about me? Erase the past. Replace the past. And that's what she kept saying over and over again. I love that move. It's so hot.

Embrace the fact that you were with someone before. Totally. And erase the fact that you were with someone before. I do. I do. I embrace. I bring this up. Do you not think that this was all planned?

I mean, he must have known. about it. I'm sure that it was known that like, watch me, follow me after I get off stage, right? Like something. Did you see the reaction live of him like? Yes. That seemed pretty real. It seemed like he seemed like he was legitimately surprised. Jackie's making a big old eye roll face. Interesting, oh, it's all puppeteers. What are you queuing on? No, I'm just a gay. A gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay. And I'm over here. And I'm over here

just thinking that this is all, it could just all be PR. I'm just saying. I think that what I could tell in terms of the internet, what the internet thinks is that it may have started as PR, but this is, but it's gotten, I know, I'm just trying to be, I'm just trying to be a devil on your shoulder. You got to be. You're probably right. Yeah.

You're probably right. That this was the first kind of display of their love that seemed more like truly like than just a PR, you know, kind of carefully crafted. But yeah, I think she's having fun. And I think, I do also think, I think that they can both be true, right? Like, I think it was... Yeah, I think it's a good for her. Yeah, it's a good for her.

It was a carefully crafted move, and she was like, everyone's going to love this, but also, I think I like him, you know, that type of thing. Also, it's really cute, the little relationship, the Travis with his brother. I don't remember his brother's name. The other footballist. Yeah. The other even, I dare say, cuter footballist. Oh, well, he is more your type.

He's a little chunkier or he's kind of a little... He's a big, brawny kind of, yeah, he's a bone broth of a man. Yeah, he's just sucking on it. Yeah, I just give him the marrow inside of the bone. He goes, thank you, go, eh. And I'm like, oh, you would get me a hoony? Could you do that to my a pussy? You better put that away.

This is totally, if you want to know Jackie, exact type Google Jason Kelsey because of course you like him more. He's a mountain man covered in a beard. Yes. He looks like Jeff. I mean, he really does. He looks like he totally does. And he's, and he seems like really loves his wife and loves his baby girls. And it's very, very cute. Very cute. So just saying, just throwing it out there. Oh, and they look like him. Oh. Oh my God, he was, oh, it was just his birthday. Happy, just almost your birthday, November 5th, 1987, good year. Good year.

That's what I say. It's a good year. Man, they love that joke every time I say that joke at the grocery store. Every time I'm like, oh, that'll be 1794, I go, good year. Oh. And they love it every time. Am I 89? No, you.

When did it, what am I going to give you a worthers to? Well, you are. should be so lucky. You are 89 in many ways, but also you are, are you going to announce your new fashion choices? Are you going to wait for the new year? No, not yet. Oh, okay. All right. I take it back.

MJ, we are still in Thanksgiving territory here. I almost sent you a picture of my children in their adorable Christmas jammies yesterday to shame you for not letting them celebrate Christmas this early. No. I know. It sounds like you're trying to save Christmas, which yes, definitely hang out with us next week because we are going to be putting out a watch-along of saving Christmas because it'll be, it's going to come out on Thanksgiving Day, so it'll be perfect. And this is Kirk Cameron's.

It's premature for us, yes, but it won't be premature for you guys. And by the way, this is definitely not a movie to actually watch. Just listen to the commentary. Yeah, we don't want to give them the views. It seems really bad. But it is a Kirk Cameron vehicle. Yeah, and at least it's free on Amazon Prime. So there's that.

The data analysis that Amazon are going to be like a bizarre spike in Kirk Cameron saving Christmas. Saving Christmas from 2014. Well, these gosh dang wokeers are coming out here and messing with our holiday. You know what I mean? I mean, what happened to reindeer and candy kings? Are we talking about Christmas right now? I just, I literally am going to go tomorrow morning and buy my first. turkey, which I haven't done yet.

I'm behind schedule. I can't believe you haven't made a turkey yet. Dude, they didn't go on sale. And then, like, my mom was in town. It was just like, there was just a lot. I did make nine pounds of lamb over the weekend. But I haven't made a turkey. So I'm going to start.

You know what it was? They didn't have any, oh, think about this. They didn't have any frozen turkeys. So I was going to get one and have it thaw out over the next, like, three days or so. but they only had fresh turkey so I couldn't buy it yesterday. Oh my God. I was trying to plan Ed.

You are 89. Or can you tell? I've been hanging out with my mom. How can you tell? Oh my God. We're talking about turkeys. It was very nice, though, having your mom in town. It was fun to watch you guys be kids with a parent in town too.

You just, you change when you have your mom in town. You're a different... It's a different breed, man. You become a different... But you guys weren't... you know, regressing like I did. No, we had a blast. We actually, like, we had a blast. My mom was on vacay mode.

It was like, all right, let's do it, Linda. Yeah. We went everywhere. We were all over the place. We were up Malibu. We took it to the Hollywood Star Walk of Fame. We did everything. So funny.

As my mom comes to town, it's like, I don't want to do any of those things. No, she wanted to do a fun thing. We went to the Academy Museum. But, yeah, it's very late. But she was here for two weeks. We went to, we did. See, this is the difference, is that my mom is, like, you wonder why Henry and I are such frenetic people?

Because my mom has had us going every second of the day since the age of two. I think that we've been busy. I've never not been busy. And my mom is exactly, my mom is in, my mom just started, I think, I talked about this, my mom just started line dancing. She's doing all this, like, she is, like, still, like, reinventing herself at every turn. It's fucking awesome. Okay, so question.

Because I know that you are not going home for the holidays this year, but I know you usually do, and we always talk a lot about it, and I always kind of picture it like a Hallmark Christmas movie style, but like with a lot more crying. And so I'm just wondering, like, what if you are, like, is there, what, I feel like going home for the holidays, what my favorite part of it when I was still,

my parents live in the same city as me now, so I don't like get to, like, go home for the holidays. But it was such a time of, like, leisure, you know? It's like you're wearing your Christmas jams and you're watching die hard and you're eating a cheese plate and like, does your family relax? No. No, none of us know how to relax and all of us get angry when we relax. And like, especially if we're relaxing in front of other people. So it's like, I'm not relaxing. No, I'm doing things. No, I'm busier than you are. And so it's a lot of that of like, no, I've got to get these things done. So I think and so the holidays just

kind of, it's not usually that intense, but I think that holidays just add too much pressure. And I think we're all very, like I said, I like the word frenetic. I think it's a little bit more positive than other words that I could use. And so I think it's just too much pressure for Christmas to be perfect. Yeah. Right. I feel like pre-winning, it was leisurely for me. Right. And then post-winning, it's this other thing that I don't know. It's exhausting. It just is a constant. Oh, yeah. The leisure is gone. The leisure's gone forever. The leisure.

The leisure is. No, no, no, it's Muppet Christmas. Oh, yeah. The leisure's gone. The leisure's gone. Which we do need to figure out what night and prepare yourselves because we are going to be watching Muppet Christmas Carol.

Of course, there's always the Muppet Christmas Carol. I leave on the 20th, so it'll have to be before then. It's going to be before the 20th. We will put that out there. We've got to watch Muppet Christmas together. We have to every year, or else it's just not the... holiday season. But again, get it.

I'm still over here, like, trying to figure out, like, what new recipe I'm going to make with my turkey this year. Yeah, me too. And I'm all over the place. Man, I've been looking at some ooh, ooh, some little ooh recipes. And I got to say, they got butter in them. I don't know what to bring this year because I usually do my mac and cheese that I feel is is superior to other macaroni and cheeses. But Lexi reminded me, last year I showed up with mac and cheese and there were four other macaroni and cheese. And so I do not want to do that.

You guys need a sign-up. Don't you have a sign-up sheet? We're going to have to be better organ. I think it's going to be a smaller affair this year at least, so that'll help with that. But yeah, I think it just got a little, I think someone did say they were doing macaroni and cheese, but I was like, but I always do macaroni cheese. So I still just did it. Uh-huh.

Whereas this year, maybe I'll just. Hey, segues into a non-celebrity story, but maybe I'll just bring that can of cranberry sauce. Wow, we're not even going to get to another celebrity story. I mean, you're talking my language. Yeah, let's talk about. We've got to talk about cranberries. We've got to talk about cranberries.

We'll talk about more pop culture stuff that has something to do with Taylor Swift. This is pop culture. All right? This is Thanksgiving. I need to be on team Thanksgiving. That's the team that I'm on first and foremost. Yes. Well, I mean, let's be real.

first and foremost, I'm team hot dog. But you got to transition, all right? We've got to, there's times to everything. The love is gone. The love is dead and killed and inside a casket. We're not allowed to sing it yet. The love is killed and dead. You are the counter.

This is pop culture in the sense that you are carving out your role as the Mariah Carey of Thanksgiving. And so it is inherently pop culture for us to spend this episode in part talking about the cranberries. So you, not the band, but a great band. All my life. It's changing every possible day. Every possible way. Oh, my God, we're in You've Got Mail.

Yeah. Oh, you've got mail is good. It's on the You've Got Mail soundtrack, which I definitely listened to a lot. For sure. In the past. That, oh, I love the cranberries. No, we're talking about canned cranberry sauce versus homemade cranberry sauce. We got data.

Because there is food and wine put out, this single dish can make or break Thanksgiving for the majority of people according to a new report. So we got data. Oh my God. 83% of respondents said that they, quote, believe it's not even Thanksgiving without cranberry sauce. And I got to say I live with one of these people. he is team cranberry sauce. I'm also, I am 100%

it is the only time of year that I eat cranberry sauce is in the month of November and sometimes the very beginning of December. Even crazier, I don't really eat it and it's not Thanksgiving if there's no cranberry sauce. Right?

Yeah. But you don't eat, you just need to look at it? You never get cranberry sauce. I'll take a little nibble of it maybe or something. You don't like it mixed with like a bite of like mashed potatoes and turkey. I'll tell you what, this is making me want to go hard to,

on cranberry sauce, though I will say I am team canned. Team canned. Personally, I will say this. Making it homemade is definitely a better cranberry sauce. It's also very easy. But for Thanksgiving, I'm team too. But here's the thing is that it's very easy to fuck up. So this is why I also liked canned cranberry sauce if I were to choose unless I was making it or someone that knows how to make it is making it.

because it is very easy for it to either be too sugary or too tart. And you got to really, like, taste it. And also as it settles, it kind of gets, I feel like, more tart as it settles. Can I tell you my secrets? Please. You put booze in it. Oh, what kind of booze? You know, like a port, like a sweet or like a sweet liqueur.

And I do put a bunch of weed in mine. Yeah, I don't even do it. Well, obviously. I don't even do it the right way. I just throw a weed into it. It doesn't even work. Just right on top, just like kind of char it on top. Yeah, no, but you put booze in it.

And then it becomes like, it's always like, ooh, I get to start the cranberry sauce because it's a little one for you, one for me, you know? And then you get to start drinking port at 10 a.m. I mean, you guys don't need this because you already start your Thanksgiving Day drunk because you watch the Macy's parade. Twitch.com. Twitch.com.

forward slash Holdenators, ho. We are going to be going at 5.30 a.m. Pacific standard time, 8.30 a.m. Eastern Standard time on Thanksgiving morning. Thanks for the plug. Are you one of those people who wakes up at, if you weren't doing the live street, would you wake up at 5.30 a.m. to start the turkey? Fuck. No. Are you kidding me? I am firmly of, you know, this is something we were, this is another thing we were discussing with our mother. I think it's very interesting that, like, for us growing up, we always ate Thanksgiving dinner at like

1.30. Yeah. 2 p.m. And I think when you have people all day coming in and out and then like the turkey's already made so if people are coming in, you could just grab up like, that's how our house always was.

Right. But now we do Thanksgiving where it's more like, no, everyone comes over at like four. Yeah, it starts eating napes. And then dinner starts at like 5.30. You know what I mean? And so you don't have to get up that early. anymore. But my mom still, she gets up early. She gets, she does the whole thing.

And there's something about that that I kind of miss. Like I got, I'm like, I get it now that like there's something beautiful about like, gotta get up at 5 a.m. get my hands inside of that bird. Pioneer woman. Totally. Yeah. It's very pioneer woman. It's the most domestic I ever, like, I never feel good at domestic stuff ever. But like, there has been. I'm sorry, MJ. How do we work on that for you if you want that? Oh, you know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I like doing domestic stuff. I just never feel like a master of it. You know, like my house is always 30.

Is it because you try to domesticate you? Yeah, blurred life. Oh, no, no. You know you want it. I'm sorry. You'll be forced to have it. I'm sorry. There's no way out of it.

You have to do it. You can't say no. But some years, some years I get my shit together. And in past years when we'd have a friend's giving, you save that fucking turkey carcass. You throw it in the slow cooker the night before Thanksgiving. So you're making your own turkey. broth and then you wake up on Thanksgiving morning and your house already smells like

that is such a fucking cozy ass feeling. I highly recommend. Whoa. Yeah, and a lot of people ask me, do you spatchcock? You know what? Surprisingly, as much as I adore the word, I'm not a spatchcocker. I have spatchcocked

in the past. Don't you worry. I've had my day or two in the sun. But not, not anymore, though. I feel like I always kind of fuck it up. Don't know what it means. Don't know what it. I was going to make a Hitchcock joke. And then I was like, that's what a 67-year-old man would do.

Well, I mean, we've been talking about Thanksgiving for many minutes. So I think that this is definitely not, this is not a young person's game. I'm not a butcher, you know, don't make me, like, break bones. I'm not interested. Why? It's honestly, it is, because that's the whole thing. So that's, it's like cutting through the bone and you, like, splay out these. So it helps it cook much more evenly.

We did Cornish hens. for Thanksgiving, the sad Thanksgiving, COVID Thanksgiving, where we were just... Oh, Satsgiving. It was just Lexi and I, so we were like, we're not going to do a whole turkey, so we did these Cornish Hens, they were delicious. But yeah, I definitely had to crack through some fucking bones,

and it felt good. I felt the lust for the kill. You know what I mean? Doing a Cornish hen, it's like I feel like you need to be in, like, listening to chamber music, you know, dressed like a... It was a giant, fully around the neck ruffle thing. I was wearing one of those.

Cock fully out of my pants, but limp and flaccid. Oh, you're bringing up Lucky's? Yep. All right. What happens to Lucky's stays in Lucky's, Jackie, please. Not that day. Not that day. Oh, my goodness.

Man, so before we head out of my favorite land, which is Thanksgiving Town, I need to talk about Martha Stewart's Farm guest house that you can stay at for a pre- Thanksgiving stay. Martha Stewart's talk about domestic goddess, you know. Oh my God. You know,

I, that's why I apologize that I said, MJ, how do we change this for you? Just because, like, I love,

I love nest. Like, I'm a big, fat pigeon. And this bitch loves to nest. A nest, a nest, I nest. And I think it's

because of my empty womb. But we're not going to think about that. I just nest and a nest and a nest. And so that's why I make a turkey. for two people multiple times before Thanksgiving.

No, totally. This getaway, though, it is for exactly one night. Check out the next day is between 11 and 12, and it is the most regimented, exhausting, sounding one-day getaway I've ever seen. It'll be amazing. There's really, like, good meals. It is just funny. There's a lot of rules.

There's a lot of, it's a lot of, yeah, it's an opposite outbacked steakhouse. There's a bunch of rules. All rules, and you're not going to do it right. You're not going to do it right. But you do you're going to enjoy some fancy meals. Chicken starts at 10 a.m. Yes. Stops include Stewart's Instagram famous chicken coop.

Home to more than 200 chickens. Hard-boiled eggs are among the snacks. She often takes along on flights, according to Stewart, which also... Girl. Don't do that. You're bringing hard-boiled eggs. On the plane with you? Think about the other people around you.

She must, but also though, when was the last time Martha Stewart flu commercial? Right. I know. I know this is, and I know we're going to talk about Alec Baldwin later, but also he's like, you can't even fit 11 people in a first class segment of a plane. There's, oh, we'll talk about it. I know. He's factoring in like four nannies.

Well, yeah, that's the thing. Do the math on how many nannies they have. But yes, this article. As if the nannies, I'm sorry, as someone that was a nanny for a long time, we ain't ride in first class. Yeah, by the way. families in first class, you put them in first class, and then you go back and you sit and coach. All right, we got to pause this and get back to this because we have to paint this entire story

because I love this Alec Baldwin story. Everything about this Alec Baldwin story is like page seven pig and shit. Such a year. He used to go to the opera scenario. He absolutely used to go to the opera quote. He does a fool used to go to the opera quote. All right, we'll get to him. Let's go back to this very rule heavy, very regimented.

I love to that she thinks you're going to exercise. at one point during this one night stay. It's worth reading the fine print at the bottom of the listing before trying to reserve your stay. It states that guests must be 21 or older and will be asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement and are subject to security screening before entering the property. There will be no kids. There will be no pets. There will be no smoking. There will be edibles only. And again, the meals and everything look great, but it just seems like they have a full plan for you and there's no ability to just relax. Not a second of relaxation.

Oh, no, there's no fucking. No one's fucking at Martha Stewart's house. She probably has a no fuck clause in the contract. In the NDA that you're signing, I'm sure, like, no, like, that you're not allowed to, like, you know, expectorate. You're not allowed to any, any juices coming out of you. Yeah. Or not allowed. It's not allowed to piss.

It's a booking.com promotion. So it's a promotion where you can enter with the million mass. masses to try to win a stay at her house for $11.23 because 11.23 is a day to Thanksgiving. And for that low, low price, you get to be bossed around by Martha Stewart for approximately 23 hours. I bet that you don't even like, you probably only see her in passing, like, even if you get a glimpse or you don't get a glimpse of her at all, right? Oh, yeah. That's the thing. It's like, oh, she's going to make you dinner. She ain't making us dinner. No, no, no. It actually, it is, but it is famous, like, it's like very fancy. The mail will be,

prepared by James Beard, award-winning chef Thomas Joseph. And you know he's an award-winning chef because he has two first names. First and last name. Executive Vice President Culinary, Executive Vice President Culinary of Martha Stewart-Livning Omnopedia. I see. And that's a meal that you allegedly eat with Martha Stewart, who will come out and eat brunch with you. Yes. I see, I see.

You'll be eating brunch with her at her Maple Avenue house on the property. as yeah, which is her set for Martin Coz. I feel like this is where you have sex with a ghost though, right? There's a ghost living in this coop or something, right? That's going to attach to you and then it's going to turn into like some sort of horror movie. Essentially. That would be a good. We're always talking about how we need more Thanksgiving movies.

I think that actually this would be a great Thanksgiving movie. Oh my God. And then like the ghost goes inside of Martha Stewart, but you have sex like beautiful, amazing. You make beautiful love to Martha Stewart who's got a ghost inside of her because you should trying to help the spirit pass on. Write it down. I think that this is a great idea. I think that we pitch it to Martha Stewart.

We say, I mean, you already are a sex icon. Let's really, and then it's going to be like a go-z-you kind of situation. It'd be like a Sogourney Weaver kind of like ringmaster thing. More like Barfa, Stuart, am I right? My favorite. Yes, you are right. My favorite is the line. No, I'm not right.

Even though she has something planned for you every second of the day, why do I still feel like I'd be bored to tears? Oh, it's going to be boring. It just seems so sterile. They are not, you're not allowed to cook. That's my favorite part. Guests are not permitted to prepare their own meals. All meals are provided.

So I love that she's just like, you do not fucking touch my kitchen. Get your normal ass hands off my kitchen. You can't even touch my guest kitchen. My guest house kitchen. Yeah. unbelievable. Yeah. But anyways.

She does not want, she does not want this to happen. I feel like that's the thing that's great about this. She's just so clearly trying to limit her interaction with anyone. Get these dirty normals out of my property as fast as possible. Sure, they can be here for less than 24 hours if they're on the best behavior. And if they have anything in that background check, if they've even been divorced. Oh yeah. Diversies are not welcome.

I'm sitting fire to the house while they sleep in it. To get the germs off of my property. It's a bad. Anyway. All right. We got to talk about Alec Baldwin. Okay. We must.

It is the fact that they might have a reality show. I mean, more importantly, Eladia is trying to have a reality show right now. Obviously. It is not Alec Baldwin. I'm sure Alec Baldwin, if this go, which it has to go, right? I think we're going to end up seeing this show. I think everyone is intrigued. No question about it.

And I mean, this entire article, it's a collider article, and it is like a tragedy. It is absolutely devastating. He's just talking about how he can't work, he can't go anywhere because he's got all these kids. No one wants to work with him because he killed a person. Here's the year. Allegedly. Five and six. Here's the used to go to the opera quote.

When I got married, we would go to Cannes. We did different things together. I went to shoot Woody's movie shooting Mission Impossible with Tom and going to London with her. You know, we made our trips and had fun, but now we don't do very much of that. We decided to stay home with our kids.

With somebody helping us, we bathe and dress the kids, have dinner, and we put them to bed every night unless there's some huge obligation that we can't say no to. I love it, I love it. We used to do fun things. We used to have fun. No, there's also this one. Once we had five.

and then six, and then seven kids. It's like I can't go anywhere for any length of time. You know, on the old days I jump on a plane and go to L.A. You'll move here or a few episodes of Will and Grace. I did for a while. You know, different things like that. It was easy to pick up and go. Now I need 12 plane tickets.

You know, nannies, kids, my wife. They don't even have 11 seats. the business class section of the plane. Everything I do is filtered through the idea of my family. So jobs I don't take. Jobs I take.

This is very, it keeps going. A famous TV producer said to me, a famous TV producer said to me, come to a series with me in Vancouver. And I was like, I'm not going to Vancouver for five months. It's not happening. So everything we did. And the shows we have considered

and pitches we've heard. And even one or two pitches we've made about our family. And that reality show is all so we can stay home and work from home. Meanwhile, I'm desperate. I'm desperate to try to work from home. I'm desperate to try to work from home. Meanwhile, remember, Alaria, not that long ago, was like, leave my family alone.

Leave my family alone. Yeah, yeah. But also, now you're going to bring, like, cameras in there? Just like the real, I used to go to the opera video, which we found and played at the San Diego show. Every example of what his life was like before the kids is so snobby. So moody. He's like, I used to go to Ken.

I used to go to Mission Impossible set with Tom. With Tommy. I love the first name basis too with Tom. By the way, shoot Woody's movies, Woody Allen, which is just so crazy. He's so snobby. But yeah, he's so sad. But it doesn't matter because he's, yeah, you can't even be upset because he's upset for you. He's so broken.

No, you're right. Why did he let this woman make, like, why did he go along with this? It's obvious he's so upset and he could have decided to be done by the third child. He's not anymore and will be buried in children. And remember, as we learned, he won't get a vasectomy. So this is partly on him. Yes, of course it is. Maybe fully on him.

But also, Holden for a long time has been like his life is ruined. And I've always been like, he's got so many nannies. He can tap in and out. But this really clarifies it. He's like, there is no escaping my children. Yeah. No, no, when you have seven, unless you're Nick Cannon and you're just totally checked out. Physically out of the house.

That's why you sprinkle him around like Nick Cannon. That's how you do it because then there's not seven at one time all the time. But I will say, as much as this is so sad, I do think that it's nice that he and Alaria are like, we are the ones doing it. Like, even us and our three to four nannies. But like, you know, he's like, we are home putting them to bed. Like, we are reading the stories and stuff. And that is kind of nice. Could you imagine being a 65 year old with a one year old as the youngest of seven?

Yeah. And what's the oldest? What did it say? Ten is the oldest. Ten is the oldest. The oldest is ten. That's so, I mean, ten. You have a ten year old, an eight year old, a seven year old, a five year old, a three year old, a two year old, and a one year old.

Could you imagine having seven kids and three of them are currently three, two, and one? Three, two and one, and that's the part where you're going to die. Yeah, yeah. As a parent of a four and a five year old, I can confirm that it is really the three and under set that is trying to kill you. But then you also have four. But they're kids. Yes. And not one of them is in their, like usually in this scenario, one of the, at least one or two

are in their 20s or something. Like Gordon Ramsey's scenario. He's got a bunch of 20. You know what? All right. Every time I follow, I love, you know, MJ and I are huge food network people. We're just, we're huge. Like, I think we're both big on the whole like restaurateur influencer.

Because you follow Gordon Ramsey, right? MJ? Yeah. I love his. I love his love I love his family So the opposite of how I feel About Alec Baldwin's family

I feel about Gordred Ramsey's family Because as someone that loves watching Oh my God, Master Shiff Jr. And watching him He's got a soft side that's very appealing And it seems like his kids love him Like it seems like they're like It seems like the family is actually really good

And his wife just gave birth to their sixth child, they got married 27 years ago. And man, I, like, they both look insane. I know that obviously, if you've been that rich for that long, I know it's much easier to look that good. But, like, I saw just the picture of her with the newborn baby. I was like, no way she had another baby.

Oh, my God. I'm so happy for that. But then also, you've got Gordon and Tanna are also parents to Megan Ram, 26, twins Holly and Jack Ramsey 23, they've got a 22 year old, and then they have a four-year-old. And now they're gonna, they just add another one. This is a much rarer, like, family set up to, I feel like oftentimes you'll see, you know, big age gaps

if you have, like, a remarriage, right? Or you'll see a big age gap if you've had, like, secondary infertility. You might have, like, a 10-year-old or a 12-year-old by the time you have your second kid or a third or whatever. But to have, like, fully adult out of the house. and then with the same person be like, you want to start over? It's like, I mean, I'm happy for them if that's what they want.

But I was so fascinated reading this article to be like the same couple, like, raised three kids and then were like fully done. Like the oldest, the youngest one was 18, and then they had their fourth kid and now they're having another one, which is just an amazing setup. I couldn't imagine making that decision personally, right?

I know. Yeah, and I'm trying to see, like, just like, I'm just looking this up real quickly, but what it seems, he received his first Michelin star in 1994 and his second star in 1997. So I wonder if he did, like, his whole, like, moving his way up through the restaurateur world, had the first set of kids, and then skyrocketed became, like, internationally renowned and television famous because his first miniseries, it seems, is in 1999. and then had a whole other life and now is starting over again, which that also makes sense.

I will say, I mean, my kids are only four and five, and I will say that it's like I'm going through this real parent transition now, realizing like I don't actually have babies anymore, like my kids are kids, and it's not like they're out on their own all the time, but it's just so different from how it is when they're really, really, really, little. And I... You used to go to the opera.

You really made me feel like the opera, right? No, it's the opposite. It's the opposite of I used to go to the opera. I keep feeling this like very... It's sad is not even the right word, but this like extremely intense feeling of like, I'm not ever going to do that again. And it's not even like, whew,

it's like it actually makes me really sad to be like, I'm not ever going to do that again. what I mean? Like it's weird to be like, I can, so I can imagine having three kids when you are in the restaurant shit, probably never being at home, right? And being an active father in a way, but then growing up and be like, maybe I can do this again and have it be a little different. Like I can really imagine that in a way that I couldn't when I was really, really in the shit. Now I'm like, oh yeah, I totally understand why people have, get their kids to be a little older and then are like, you know what, I'll ride that shoots and ladder shoot all the way back

to the beginning because it's kind of devastating to think that you won't do it again, even though you're also at the same time, like, so relieved to not be in the baby shit, you know? I'll tell you what, anytime you feel that way that intensely, come on out here to at least one to two days with Winnie and that'll get it right out of you. Hang out of the two-year-old. Oh, my God, I'm so happy. I have kids. I know.

I love my Winnie girl. It is intense, though, man. I know. You forget about how intense it is. It's like you only think about this insanely sweet moment. that happen all the time. I'm not going to lie. Like, they happen all throughout the day now,

which is much better. No, totally. Even spending time with Winnie and San Diego, I was just like, oh my God, I can't believe I don't do this anymore. I don't have a two-year-old who I have to like follow around and every who's like constantly trying to hurt themselves.

You know, like, yeah, so maybe Gordon Ramsey was like, let's just give it another round, you know? It's kind of beautiful. But do you agree with their paraging style? Their paraging style is it's known for being very strict. Ramsey's very open with how much that, like, his kids are not getting an inheritance from him. Like, he's, like, offered them a 25% deposit on an apartment.

And that is what they get to start off. His kids never rode in, like, first class and stuff. He's like, I'd specifically talk to, I'd ask the flight attendant, like, make sure those fuckers stay back there and that they're not allowed up here. I work really hard to sit close to the pilot, and they don't. And he makes it, their kids worked for all of their, like, allowance money and stuff like that. There's no cursing inside of the home because he says that that's industry language. And that is, like, that's kept at work and it's not done inside of our home.

There's no phones allowed in the bedrooms. God, I'm the opposite of this guy. So just, like, very much, like, on top of the kids. But at the same time, like I said, it seems like the family all really does love each of. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure they get some perks. I mean, obviously, like they never have to, like, they're never going to have parents that are going to worry about how to pay bills. You're never going to, you know, that takes a lot of stressors off of a family if you don't

have to worry about money, you know, so. That's right. Like, I think that the, I actually do, I feel like, were we just talking about another famous person who was like, I'm not going to give my kids any money? And, like, I understand the instinct there. Like, in general, I don't think that you should, like, approach your kids like a boss, you know? But like I do think that if you're rich and you, like, I mean, it would be really scary to be like, I'm raising really rich children. Like actually that's kind of terrifying.

But isn't that like part of being rich is that like you get so rich that you learn how to maintain being rich? So that is something that like, it's got to be difficult if you've made something like that you've built so much to give it to someone to be like, don't fuck up everything that I built for you. Like I imagine that there is probably a point of that Because like the rich know how to stay rich This is what I read about

Well that's the other thing with Alec Baldwin He kept being like, I need money, I can't work And I'm like buddy, how do you not have When you get to be that rich your money just makes money for you You know, you just have somebody who invests your money And you make money off your money It's because these morons elevate their cost of living To such an absurd degree

And then refuse to go back on that elevation of cost of living and get themselves into these holes. And so it's insane to me because maybe I would end up buying a multi-million dollar mansion home. But I always think about it in my head, I'm like, I don't want to live in a space that big, just like me and Lexi and Winnie. Like I don't want to live in a like the Beyonce JZ mansion, right? Like I don't want, and also I don't think I want staff, you know? No, I don't want staff.

I don't want staff. I don't want my kids going to the schools where rich kids go. kids get all, you know, if your kids go to rich kids school, then, you know, of course, what works for you. Yeah. But right. A lot of scary stuff happens to rich kids. I know what happens at these places.

Yeah. Yeah, man. I'm like, if I was rich, I would just, it's not like I'm saving all the money. I'm going to buy nice things and have a nice house and have nice clothes, but I'm like, I'm sending the kids to public school. I'm not trying to send them to where all those terrifying kids go. And I'll have a nice house, but it's not going to be that big because I can, no, I don't need that.

I mean, you know, I need my in-house movie theater, I guess, and like my stream, giant stream studio and like a billiard game bar room with like an arcade. A smoke room and a secret creepy room with the dolls in it behind my bed. Obviously, yes. All that kind of stuff. But, you know, besides that, yeah, but I don't know. I, of course, know how I would do it so much better than all these rich people, right? Don't we all?

Yeah. Don't we all know how much better we do it? Yeah, yeah. We would be nice. No, we're going to be good. We're going to be so good at it someday when I grow up. I've thought about that a lot because a lot of people get to the point. You're just like, you should be fine.

You could just like retire right now. It's like it's not like that, dude. They got to keep, you know, they got to keep all this stuff going. Well, Alex Baldwin is 65 and trying to like get a job and he can't work because he has too many kids. You know, that's a scary situation to be in. I need this reality show to happen. We need that for the show, like just for the podcast. Yes, our show needs this.

I need this show to have because it sounds like such a desperate act, which means he's already going to have his back against the wall the whole time. I mean, it's like, I feel like I would, you can make a movie out of this situation. The problem is I don't want to give him any money. Like right now, I just feel like he's got to like work on some things. It doesn't even matter, man. He's so broken. The manslaughter charges.

Yeah, you know, like, I just feel like. Coming back. That, like, they're like, but we're on this reality show. Like during all of that, that's just part of me. It'll be a mess. It wants to cringe. Imagine starting a reality show when you are still facing potential criminal charges. Yeah.

That would be so... That's how desperate he is. This is the worst time ever to bring cameras into your home and have constant footage of you when you're in the middle of like this litigation shit. This is the horrible time to do that. And he's still heavily considering it. And you know his wife who is so fucking fame hungry and attention hungry wants it so bad because she needs the world to see her as this super mom. She's perfect.

We all look at her as a crazy person. Yes. It's just the bad. I just love it. And I think it's great. I think you should definitely do it. Alec, if you're listening, do it. Hilaria, do it.

Fucking do it. If you're one of the kids listening, piss on their pillows tonight. Do it while they're in the bathroom. Yeah, the 10-year-old, I'm sure. Maybe the 7-year-old is listening. There you go. Maybe the 7. All right.

Before we get into the celebrity conspiracy, I just want to congratulate Jackie for finally getting her Garfield movie. I know you've really been waiting a long time for this. And why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to me? It looks so bad. It looks so bad.

Maybe they can't do it. Maybe you just give up on trying to make a Garfield movie. I think that it's time. I think that, like, I don't. Until we have what Seth Rogen did with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I need someone that loves Garfield as much as I love Garfield to have the money and have the sway to make that movie for Garfield. I don't know who's out there with this money and can do it. But it is not this Chris Pratt monstrosity of what they make it all like, googie, cocky, cookie, but then he's.

He's just a cat. Like, I hate this. I hate it. I'm so mad about this. It's like a trolls movie level cash grab, you know? Like, it's such a clear cynical. So mad about it. Trying to just get like that Super Mario Bros.

Movie money kind of coming in. Yes. And that, you know, even though I did read Garfield as a kid, it still isn't like kids movie shit. You know what I mean? It's not. Right. No, they should make it more for adults than for kids.

It should be... Yes. Is what would be great about it. If they found that balance at least, whereas this is just from beginning to end an annoying, saturation, you know, like a trolls movie, which I'm like fearful of having to experience trolls movies.

I'm hoping that franchise is dead by the time when he gets to the point when she would want to watch. No, she's going to love trolls. I fucking hate it. Justin Timberlake and they all look so annoying and it just seems like every inch of those movies are obnoxious.

What a... MJ, are they horrible? Have you had to watch them? I don't know how it happened, but somehow I have not seen any minions movies or toys movies. Wow, lucky you. We've been purely in the, really in the Frozen universe, but the broader Disney universe, you know,

we love Enkanto, Frozen, Lucky you. And Moana, and those are all really good movies. Those are great movies. So it's like, it's fine. I will say, go with me on this kind of idea. Like, I love, as someone that grew up, and was obsessed with Garfield for most of my upbringing.

I think that, like, there's something in the whole Garfield without Garfield thing. Like, I think that, like, going into the world, like, also making mention of the fact of, like, how sad John R. Buckles life is, like, just a little bit of just more of, like, the loneliness and, like, and the desperation, but then also having the juxtal, like, make it, like, a dark comedy, you know? Yeah, sad. They should make it a sad adult Garfield. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, like Bo is Afraid, but with Garfield. Yeah, yeah. Like, I think if there's something in that that could be done, and if you've got that money, hit me up. There you go. Page 7 Podcast at gmail.com, let's make this movie happen. Ugh, I'm with you, but I'm also realizing it's time. Peter, hit me with a share.

Do you believe it? Is Jamie Fox a clone two tattoo? Wait, what? That's my fun title for it. And then you guys go, Whoa, let's try that again. Okay, let's try that again. Really bring anything to us.

Bring anything, bring less than, or bring more than zero to the reaction. We'll be an improvement. So even if it is that lackluster, shitty thing you just did, that'll stop. All right, all right. We'll take a round two. Hit us again. Hit me with the share. Do believe it?

Is Jamie Fox a clone two? Tattoo. What? This one comes in from Laura who writes. Yes. That was, that was, I'll tell you what, you kept it a hundred. All right, great, all right. Yeah, hell yeah.

We either give zero or a hundred. Oh, yes. This one comes in from Laura who writes, gang. I've always wanted the prestige and honor of having a conspiracy theory read on one of my favorite podcasts, but I never felt worthy. Until today. Hell yes. I was thinking a lot about this after the recent. rumors swirling around Kanye West being a clone.

I think you read this conspiracy theory on a previous episode. One of the strangest things about the theory is it not just, it's not just the height difference or the weird ear, but that Kanye's tattoos seem to have disappeared. This led me down the rabbit hole of Jamie Fox in his mysterious illness. We all thought he was on death door with rumors circulating he wasn't going to make it. But then he casually walks back in the spotlight, like nothing happened. Did he make a full recovery, probably? or did Jamie Fox actually die and was swapped out with a clone?

Oh, do you need evidence? But here you go, fuckers. Jamie Fox got this tribal tattoo in the back of his head for his 40th birthday. I remember thinking it was strange, but it was pretty sizable and very noticeable because he keeps his hair short in the back. I think you know, I'm going with this. Guess what this new Jamie Fox is missing? Yep, no tattoo. Not only is there no tattoo, but there's no evidence that was ever ever.

a tattoo there, and he never mentioned that he got the tattoo removed. No scarring, nothing. Isn't that fucking weird? Yes, it is. So this leads me to an even bigger conclusion. Are celebrities and musicians covering their faces and bodies with tattoos is a way to ensure they cannot be easily swapped

for clones? I like that. I would attach TikToks and articles about the Jamie Fox tattoo disappearance, but I'm basically a fucking boomer and I'm in a hotel with shitty internet, but it's really easy to find. Anyway, keep an eye on Post Malone, and Lil Wayne looking like a doodle bear

might be the only thing keeping your clones in the cryo chamber for now. Oh, like a doodle bear, ref? Hell yes. Do you believe? Love y'all Laura. And Jackie is currently practicing this thing. I was saying in 2025,

it seems like the Jackie fashion is going to be tattoo you. She is just getting tattoo after tattoo these days. Tattoo, yeah. I thought you were talking about, like, the group tattoo at first. And I didn't understand. I thought it was like, so J.B. Fox was cloned and then put into the band tattoo.

That'd be cool. Everyone is saying the word tattoo too much. Yeah, it's too much. That's too much. Too much. Especially with the fact that Jamie Fox had three movies out this year, I can't agree with this celebrity conspiracy more. I think that he definitely, because it was, like he was on death's door and then he came out. And everyone was talking about him being a clone

when he put out the video of him Like giving a health update Because we talked about that Because at the same time people also I think we were also saying Well after you've just undergone Like you've been in the hospital for months Yeah you're gonna look different

Right Right right But maybe I tattoo I think that like But then they're just like cranking out All this work right now man They're cranking out all this work And you know who cranks out that kind of work?

A clone. A clone. Yeah, this is because I do remember talking about it when he made this video and he made it. In fact, in the video, I think, if I remember correctly, wasn't he like, I'm not a clone. I'm fairly sure, yes. I think he had to address the clone rumors in his video. It's weird to just say that. Yeah, it's weird to just throw that out there.

That is something a clone would say is the problem. Yes. Oh, totally. So that's what's hard. I'm not a clone. That's something a clone would say. So do you believe? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I definitely believe. Thank you, Laura. Thank you, Laura. You're not, and you're just like, I can't agree with you more. Thank you. All right, there you have it, Jackie. I think it's time for a little something you got in store for.

Well, I think you guys got to sing to me first. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. We're going back to last week's list, and that is roles that were almost played by way different actors. Like Heath Ledger, who almost. played the role of Spider-Man. He would have killed it. He would kill anything he did. Of course he would have. According to his agent

Ledger was offered the role of Peter Parker in Sam Ramey's Spider-Man, but Ledger felt the role was wrong for him and rejected it because he felt he would be taking away somebody else's dream job. So instead of watching Ledger swatting out the dumpster fire that was Spider-Man 3, we got his legendary Joker performance.

Wow. I was really obsessed with Oh, God. Now I can't even remember his name. What's that Spider-Man? So obsessed with him.

Sam Rayby's Spiderman. Yeah, I'm obsessed with him. I can't remember. It's so obsessed with him that it was 25 years ago and I can't remember his damn name. Toby McGuire? Yeah, Toby. Oh, I was a fucking Gwyer. I was so attracted to Toby Biggwire and Spider-Man.

Oh, yeah. I watched that Spider-Man a lot, but I mostly watched it for the upside-down kiss. And now I still do my Spider-Man kisses. Beautiful. Sometimes I try to do upside-up. down, kiss, and it always works, and it's never awkward. Did you know that James Cameron originally based the Terminator on Lance Henriksen? Cameron had a fever dream about a robotic assassin rising from a fire, and that dream

inspired him to create the Terminator as a vehicle for Henrickson. He abruptly changed his mind after having a lunch with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Henrickson did appear as a police officer killed by Arnie's Terminator, so there's that, so he got that day raid. there. Dude, speaking of Arnold Schwarzenegger

over the weekend, I watched Jingle All the Way with the kids for the first time. Damn, you are really in Christmas all right. I'm getting in there. Listen.

Damn, you watch. Also, if you're about to be Smurtsch Jingle all the way, I'm gonna, I'm gonna flip out. Yeah, I'm gonna rip your fucking face off. I'm flip out. We all enjoyed it quite a lot, but it is, again,

one of those experiences where you watch something, especially with kids and you watch it and it's made in a different time. And there are so many letter bomb jokes. and jingle all the way. Just an entire premise based on letter bombs.

Oh, yeah. The whole premise. The kids kept being like, you know, why are they talking about bombs? And I was like, well, in the 90s, we thought different things were funny. And we thought that there was a, and then I was like, am I going to explain the unabomber to them? No. But it was, you know, they're not used to that level of violence. Just give them the last podcast left episode.

Yeah, they'll learn so much. Let them learn. It's time. I'm like five years old. and you don't know about the Unabomber? What are your parents teaching you? I completely understand. But at this, and also, the whole,

there's many a side plot of Jingle all the way that is weird and kind of, and uncomfortable. Very. But you can't, you can't talk bad about Phil Hartman or Sinbad. They are still amazing in the movie. It's a great movie. I really enjoyed it. But yes, it is, there's a lot that,

is difficult to explain to kids, like why, what's going on with Phil Hartman and the mom? And, like, what cheating is? Have you ever explained to them what cheating is? No, they're still learning, like, what love, what romantic, they don't really understand romantic love, so I don't think they understand it's.

So they don't know about heartbreak yet? I can't wait for you to teach them. I want, will you tell me when you teach them about heartbreak? Yeah. I'll let you know. Well, you can at least, at least, you can explain to them, like right now you're dating yourself. So eventually, you know, you're dating you right now.

You know what I mean? It's beautiful. Anyway, Lucille Ball tried out for Scarlet and gone with the win. Before her groundbreaking years in I Love Lucy, a relatively unknown ball auditioned for Scarlett O'Hara. The role went instead to Vivian Lee, and it netted her an Oscar. Ball later conceded that she was probably not cut out for the part. It's a shame because a dose of vegivide a vigourine

just might have cured some Scarlet's hills. Cracked? You're so crazy. But this, you know, this I could definitely see, but at the same time, Alan Rickman was just so perfect, it's hard to change my thought. Tim Roth was the first choice for Severus Snape. It's hard to picture anyone, but Alan Rickman, I get this cracked, portraying Snape,

but he wasn't the original choice. Roth was offered the role and even tried to juggle his schedule so he could shoot Sorcerer's Stone and Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes at the same time. It's always such a worse movie that they end up doing. And every one of these anecdotes, it's never another other good movie. It's always a giant, notorious bomb that they ended up doing since.

I'll also say this. Again, I will say what I said earlier for Heath Ledger, Tim Roth, though, would have killed it. He would have done... Oh, I'm sure he would. He's Tim Roth. I mean, he would have been amazing. Usually you're like, like the Lucille Ball one even,

you know, you're like, what? But, like, yeah, he would have... But it's, oh, why is it always like that? Life is such a fucker, dude. Yeah, man. It's never like, but he was in this other good movie instead. It's always a... Timberts, Lady Apes is such a bomb.

Oh, man. Now, they were probably doing very different things, but this is surprising to me. The fact that they were offered the role, Chris Rock and Danny DeVito were offered the role of George Costanza. So it's crazy to me, it's like, yeah, sure, anyone could audition for stuff, but the fact that they were both offered the role. Jason Alexander says that while many actors auditioned for George, Rock and DeVito were both offered the role. He suspects that they were probably too big at the time to take supporting roles in such a new show. I find Rock to be an odd fit for this. Obviously, I think anyone would say that. DeVito, a little more so. But yeah, this is different. I don't think either

of them would kill it. I don't think they would have killed it. No, I think, but I'm just surprised that both of them were offered and both of them turned it down. But I guess, yeah, they were huge at the time. Right. They were way too famous at the time. Think about this era in stand-up comedy sitcoms. Like, there were a million of these, and most of them were awful and didn't last more than a few episodes. Right. That's probably, you know, this is the era of the comedy boom before the bust when everybody was getting these development deals. Yes.

And most of them went nowhere, you know. Yeah. And I'm going to do last but not least, just because I am so obsessed with her, Natasha Leon passed on Buffy the Van Gogh. vampire slayer. During her slums of Beverly Hills' breakthrough years, Leon was offered many roles that didn't interest her. One of them was Buffy, which she turned down because she didn't like the vampire part of the show and because she wasn't interested in doing TV at the time, and that breaks my heart. I want to see Natasha Leone as a vampire. Please. It would be a totally different show. I know Buffy is not the vampire, but you know what I mean? I just, I want to see her just, I mean, I just want to give her to be a vampire than I kiss her. It's kind of funny, too, there was just a Reddit thread of, like, of actors who, like, were made to play certain roles. And Sarah Michelle Geller was one of the pictures for Buffy. And it is so true. Oh, yeah.

I couldn't. It would have been such a different vibe, such a different show. And Sarah Michelle Geller, like, is Buffy. Yes. Like, she just nails that, has that perfect balance of, like, blonde cheerleader meets fucking badass. You know, she's got that great. mix in her, you know, whereas Natasha Leona

is all badass. Yes. There's no cheerleader. Right. You know. Even though, but I'm a cheerleader. I know. I know that, but I guess.

Oh, wait, though. I'm sorry, I am going to throw one more in there just because droogies make me think of you, Holden. The droogs in a clockwork orange were nearly the Rolling Stones. God, they would have been awful. Not only did the Jacker campaign to be the main ultra-violent thug in Stanley Cooper,

masterpiece, but he also managed to convince the film's original director that the rest of his bandmates should come along for the ride. Unfortunately, the producer dropped out and the movie was recast. A film's original director, too, so I don't know if that must have not been Kubrick. I mean, Kubrick never would have gone along with that. No, no. They are not actors. I mean, if you've seen them do anything, it's just, they're, you know, I mean, there's such true blue rock and roll musicians. Like, that's what they're made for. Oh, yeah. I was talking about that. It would feel like a guest star in a sitcom. You know, it would really take you out of the moment if it was the Rolling Stones.

Yeah, I was talking about, I used them as an example of there's all this, like, raw footage of them at the height of their fame, like, hanging out in, like, a hotel room. And it's clear from that footage that actually they would be incredibly boring people to hang out with. And that's kind of the rock and roll musician. You think they'd be, like, amazing hangs, right? But they're just doofy. They just play music. They just think about music. They just, that's where they're in their national element.

element when they're on stage performing. When they're off stage, they're pretty whatever. But you also, you know, you think about that, you kind of have to be that obsessed with music. If you're that large of rock stars, all you do is your music. Yeah, you got to be made for the stage. And boring offstage and dumb and stupid and annoying. Yeah, but like hot and kissable. All right. Let's go. We got to get this in because I can't see. Oh, no. I think I'm going blind.

Items. Oh, we can't see them. This designer was less than impressed with the package of this at the time A-list singer, who then became an A-list actor. So computers were used on the photos to make him look more endowed. They knew the product would sell better that way. They made his cock look bigger. So the designer is... Calvin Klein?

Yeah, wow, I was going to say it. Designers like an underwear designer. What about the guy? I hate his schedule. Oh, you were just talking about this. Walberg. Yes, Mark Wahlberg and the Calvin Klein ads back in the, I'm getting like the 90s or whatever. Whoa, they had to make his cock bigger.

Funky bunch, yeah, they had to make his cock bigger, which makes sense to me that he has a tiny dick because he's so regimented. And only miserable tiny penis people are that regimented. Is that what they say? And that's why I'm not regimenting because I got a hog, ladies and jits. Oh, oh, it's my dick. Put the hog. I don't know.

Give the hog some slop, I guess. It looks hungry. Giving some truffles over here. All right. You ain't got no truffle pig. Don't you, no, you got a pot belly. Oh, right, please. Come on, I'm working on it.

All right, next up. You can hear the screams from miles away when this A-list, mostly movie actress, who sometimes directs discovered her long, long time passion project about an ancient ruler was being given to someone decades younger. She's got a lot of kids.

Angelina Jolie. Yes. Man, I got to work on my hints. What do you think the movie is? What's the most eye-roly, like, project that a person with a giant ego would be like, I'm the person who will play this role of this. Cleopatra.

Yes. Wow. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God. And who do you think this would be offered to some, like a super it girl actor in Hollywood right now that would totally be given this over Angelina Jolie at this point?

Like who would be given it? Yeah. And for the role of Cleopatra, not the director. Yeah, much younger, way more of an it girl right now, it lady in Hollywood. I remember, I thought I remember reading that Gal Godot was in talks. No, not. Well, even if she was, her fucking stock has gone way down.

Yes, way down. Way down. Since Wonder Woman. Like, I've never seen. It's kind of amazing how much an actor's stock can go down like that. Is it Lady Gaga? No, thank God. That would actually make sense.

No. This person, it's like a one-word name. I don't even know her last name. Does she have a last name? Zendaya? Yes. Oh. Doesn't that make sense?

It makes sense. That makes a lot. a sense, right? And I bet Angelina Jolie would be pissed. Man, I just saw this, like, the cutest little video of, like, Zendaya and Tom Holland both, like, signing the posters. Those are the posters together, and they're both just, like, looking at each other. Like, oh, my God, I love their love. They're really, yeah. In love and a couple.

I love their love. Come and straight home to me. Oh, my God. We only talked about it for a little bit. I thought, I think we did a job. I got the picture of Jason Kelsey. in your ass. No, no, unless you've got big money

and you want that Garfield movie to get made, page 7 podcast at Gmail. Yeah, send us money for the Garfield movie. No, no, no, you'll be producers together. No, no, yeah, but just give us money for the Garfield movie. Yeah. Or you're an idiot.

Yeah, I mean, you're not going to get anything unless you ask. And this is less asking. Oh, yeah, but you probably shouldn't call the person you're asking for an idiot. Well, I didn't call them an idiot. You called them an idiot. So Holden will cut Holden out of the deal.

I'm out of the deal now, but give Jackie money for the Garfield movie or you're a fucking stupid. All right. I put this one in it's just so that we could augle the photos from the event, which I will be putting into the Zoom chat

in just a second once you get the answer. While at a recent event, this pint-sized actor wore the worst hairpiece he has ever worn, it was next level. And he fucks fish. Oh, no. Well, you know, at least it's an easy one.

This was, well, who is it? It's Tom, it's Tom, Tom, Cruz. Tom, Cruz at Scientology's... Tom, I flew to do a movie with Tom. At Tom Cruise at the Scientology Patrons Ball, and there are photos. Look at the food from this. Just click continue reading when the pop-up happens. It's weird to look at photos from a Scientology event always, and this one is no different.

And look at the food offerings. They seem disturbing at best in all very aquatic themes. of course because it's Scientology. Oh my God. Because he fucks fish. Because Tom Cruise fucks fish. Yeah. What do you... It doesn't look very good. What are you getting from this, MJ?

Yeah. This is... Ew, the mushroom wild. Yeah, the mushroom looks awful. It's so gross. This is a substack that you sent us. Oh, really? It goes black tie for Scientology

at Patrons Ball in England. And it's just a series of close-up photographs of the food. And it looks awful. Yeah. Absolutely inedible. Yeah. It looks real rough. There's a lot of, like, there's one dish that's just a bunch of seashells on a plate with, like, a, like, it looks like a gravy over the shells.

I guess there's caviar there and a big, what, I think they're trying to go for, like, a pearl look, whatever, that glob of white cum thing. But then there's, like, a piece of, like, I don't even know what I can eat. I'm going to guess it's a filet mignon, but, like, at the same time, there's just a tomato that's, like, not blistered yet. It's just like kind of like a flattened tomato. There's a broccoli stalk with a little bit of edible broccoli at the tip of it. Yeah. Yeah, it's bad. This looks really weird and bad.

And then the mushroom looks like a tiny penis head covered in dirt. But I think it's supposed to be a dessert? Man. I can't believe. Why have that much money if you're not going to have good food, honestly? It's the only, it's the main thing. That's the only thing. The main reason to be rich is to just have really good food.

all the time. It's so annoying. It's like they go so far into the rich direction that it just- They can't eat anything. It becomes terrible. They get so fancy, it becomes too fancy because they're like, no, we don't eat like the normals. You know what I mean? But also, check out that dome. What are we saying? Are we rocking a head hairpiece there, Tom Cruise? Oh, yeah. That's, that's, that's, this is an insane hairpiece. I'm really bad at identifying a toupee. Like, I feel like oftentimes the people would be like, oh, it's obviously a toupee. and I wouldn't have like flagged this. But now that I'm looking at it, like, is that a dupe?

It is weird. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. If you want to look up these pictures, look up. Tom Cruise Patrons Ball, that's all you need to look up and you can see the pictures of him and in these, in this fairly obvious toupee. It's kind of, he's got kind of like a look going on. Like he's like a teenage boy who just put a sweatshirt on, you know,

and his hair's all messed up. Yes. It's must. Yeah, it's must, but not in a way that looks purposeful. It looks accidental. Yeah, that's what the paste is for. And then the decorum is so, like, what's a very rich, creepy cult? What would they want their lighting to be?

You know what? I'm going to say it here first. Hot take Jackie Zabrowski. I hate a long, thin, crispy breadstick. The ones that are covered in the sesame seeds, fuck off. If you're going to give me a breadstick, I want an olive garden ass breadstick. I want like a garlic breadstick. Man, you eagle-eyed this.

I was like, where are there even breadsticks? On the table. In the table place setting was. In the middle of the place setting on the long breadsticks. Oh, those. Oh, I disagree. There are different purposes, Jackie. And olive garden bread stick is delicious. You're right.

But that is, you know, it's a soft bread. This is like you dip it. I mean, there's no dips on the table. There's nuts on the table. You eat these breadsticks with only your front four teeth. You're right. A little nibble will do you. But it would be good with like a hummus.

Sure, but there's not, yeah, not a lick of a dip. All they have is commas. It's just this fucking yucky fucking fishup. No, that's what he puts on the shells. It reminds him just like that's what he calls oysters. Yeah, I feel like that was even... He just calls it as comus. I feel like that big white blob wasn't on that shell initially.

and Tom Cruise put that on the shell with his penis. The plateful of seashells is a real... That one's the real, like, what are we even eating here? There's like the tiniest little dabbles of caviar. I really don't know what is food. A sprig. A big...

Is that ice cream? Is that butter? Like, what is that? There's ice on it. A melon-balled yogurt? Is it a grape slice of jacoits? Or is it one of those? Or is it like a gelatinous goo?

Because rich people love gelatinous foods. Why? And then the saddest pasta dish. This is pasta dish. If you were described sad noodles, I would say what this pasta dish it looks like. And it's just got like, yeah. It looks like the noodles have been crying. Yeah, they're just sad and there's not a lot of them.

I just don't understand why rich people eat like this. It makes no sense. Yeah, and this surf and turf is like the saddest surf and turf. I've ever seen just. It's why I forever, you know, when I go to a new city and I want to find out where I should eat, I always look up Anthony Bourdain. I feel like Anthony Bordane always was like in doing a lot of like the hole in the wall places and that kind of stuff where it's like where you go get like really fucking insane food

in kind of the middle of nowhere kind of stuff because I don't want seashells on a plate with like a with a goop. No. I don't want that. Yeah. Ever. Never. Ever. No.

No. Anyways. No. I don't want it to cling clang. I don't want it to cling clang. All right. Well, anyway. Shut up.

Shut up. So stop. I can see again. Oh, welcome back. There you go. A little multimedia blind items for you. Oh, my God. And that was just so weird.

It linked to that. I probably wouldn't have included it. But it linked to that weird, weird substack with the pictures. A substast. Yeah. Weird. Really strange. It's worth looking.

It really is worth looking. Everyone should Google it and decide if you want to... Yeah, let us know. Page 7 Podcast at gm.com. Speaking of the email address, thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode of page 7 podcast at gmail.com. That is not the name of the podcast. It's a long... Email address.

My name is Jackie Strowski. And I am the Empress of Thanksgiving. And next week, we're going to be having our watcher. along with Who Who! Saving Christmas, we have not seen it yet, and we're going to be watching it

for the first time. I hear that it is atrocious, and thank you so much, guys, for writing in when we were asking about what do we watch? What horrific?

And if you've got other movies that you think that we should check out, email us at page 7podcast at jmail.com, because we are going to be watching some stuff over the holiday weeks as well. So I'm very excited

about it. I'm excited to get mad at it. The film received a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. That's difficult. And by the way, they're going to hate on it the whole time. So don't worry if you do hate any of the politics behind this movie. Oh yeah, no, we will hate it just as much. And just listen to it. You don't have to watch the horrible movie. And it's free on Prime, right? Yeah.

No financial support will be happening towards this movie. Towards Kirk Cameron. Don't worry. In fact, we're going to try to steal some money from him if we can figure out how to hack into his bank account. We're going to try to steal like 20 bucks from him if we could do it. And you can follow me. He couldn't let his sister have the,

he couldn't let his sister have the Christmas movie game, you know? Candice Cameron. Wow, I didn't even make that connection. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, that makes so much sense. Oh, yeah. Oh, that makes so much sense. And you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm.

And come hang out with us on Thanksgiving more. Morning, y'all. Thanksgiving morning. Twitch. dot TV forward slash Holdenators Ho. 5.30 Pacific Standard Time. 8.30. Eastern Standard time.

Yes, we will be drinking Fireball coming out with us. And, of course, that week, we won't be doing Jacket with the Holdies because we're going to do the Macy's thing. But normally, you can also check Jackie and I out on Holdenators Ho on Twitch on Fridays for Jacket with the Holdies.

Check us out this week on that. And again, just want to repeat it. Pates have a podcast at email.com. Please send your conspiracy theories. They really make the show. Thank you so much. And of course, patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. We are lighting it up over there with content. It is such a fucking value ad. We promise. $5 a month gets you so much extra content. $10 a month you get to join us for our Jersey Shore watch-alongs. And also for the $5 you. I am starting our new book next week. A Soul to Keep. And I am excited for our.

Come on, am I right? I think that that's what is going to happen. I think that's going to happen at some point. So come join us, won't you? And MJ? My name is MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. All right, let's sing it. Happy Thanksgiving to you.

The love is gone. No, not yet. Not yet. Not yet. No, it's the shout-out song. That's true. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote about.

The love is gone. We're going to read it to you. The love is gone. Uh-oh. Hello, it's the shout-out lady, and she's here to say she's got some shout-outs for you. Wow, very inventive, Jackie. You can sit in your own shout-outs to page 7 podcast at gmail.com,

And again, if you just happen to be sitting on a bunch of money and you want to make this Garfield movie with me, also hit me up at page seven podcast at gmail.com. We got a Thanksgiving shout out. And oh my goodness gracious, this comes in from Allison. Allison says, you guys are awesome and I've got my whole staff listening and laughing. We groomed dogs. So we ear you. So we use ear protection all day, and I can tell when we're listening to page 7 by us busting out laughing. I want to shout out my dog Toasty!

He's a rare breed dog called a clumber spaniel and my first grand champion show dog. His name is GCH Rainsways, the Toast with the Most, and his Insta and Titi are at Clumbers for breakfast. That is C-L-U-M-B-E-R-S for the number breakfast. Clumbers for breakfast. C-L-U-M-B-E-R-S. You must follow this dog. I mean, I'm always down to follow a dog. Can I just say I just pause so that I could look up clumbers for breakfast and, oh my God, toast, the toast with the most.

I love you, Toasty, and I want to kiss you on your beautiful snout. Anyway, now I will continue. Alice says, what is my, I got turkey mouth right now? Allison says we're going to compete at the dog show that they show on Thanksgiving. And even though we might not make it to TV, I couldn't be prouder of my sweet boy.

So big shout out to Toasty, whose nickname is Warmy, and shout out to everyone at LPN. Thanks for making our days funnier. We love you, Allison. And good luck, Toasty. Now I also want to give a quick shout out to Sarah who wrote in about a new Dear Zachary

Now I haven't watched it yet but I'm very excited to watch it Sarah says wanna just weep for hours And completely derail your whole night Watch take care of Maya on Netflix I thought I was getting a good Munchausen by proxy true crime doc Or a damn the man medical doc And instead I have cried for an hour Move over dear Zachary

Thank you so much Sarah And I can't wait to check that And last but not least, we've got a shout out going out to Marina. Marina says, I've been listening to the LPN for a while, starting with last podcast, then loved listening to Jackie on Roundtable. Oh my God. So I finally started listening to Page 7 about a year ago. I just want to say that listening to You Three Talk is like being around some of my best friends,

and I always end up laughing and excitedly running to tell others about things of the episodes. Also, the most recent episodes have made me so happy hearing Jackie rave about Thanksgiving. I used to love Thanksgiving, but over time, the family at the table became smaller and smaller due to family drama, split families, etc. And overall, the total vibe was a drag. Then my dad, aunt, and grandma all passed in 2021, and my grandpa last year in December. So I pretty much just hate the holidays now. But hearing Jackie gets so excited for Thanksgiving has me getting excited. And for the first time in several years, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving.

Also, this may be kind of weird, but Jackie. sense of humor and quips remind me of my grandma who passed. She always made me laugh so hard and I miss her so much. Laughing with you all makes life easier. So thank you all for being your awesome selves. Thank you, Jackie, for loving Thanksgiving and spreading your joy during a time when I

could really use it. Hopefully I can see y'all next time you're all through Ohio. I would love that, Marina. Peace, love and turkey to you too. Oh, may your turkey be moist. May your gravy be lumbless. And oh, baby, may all of your casserole. Be thick.

But not too thick. You don't want to get into PUD territory, even though I'm always down for PUD territory. So much love to you, goes out to you, Marina. And... Get your turkeys up. Have a great Thanksgiving, everybody. Oh, my God.

We'll be here next week with saving Christmas. Wish us luck. Bye, guys. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by... supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.