Page 7 - Ep. 514: ALWAYS BE SCARED.

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

IT'S THE HOLLYDAAAAZE AND HOLDEN RUINED JACKIE'S THANKSGIVING! but the stream definitely made up for it! MJ confronts Jackie and Holden on their Josh Gad hate, The Rock is cookin' up some fancy shmancy ice cream cakes with Salt & Straw, Jackie got her own fancy ice cream cake that was dressed to impress, Snoop Dogg is human clickbait, Jackie's ready to go to bat for Napoleon and there's a spot on rendition of House O GUCCI, people won't let Taylor Lautner ever stop being Jacob (with Twilight spoiler around 31:30), it's time to ask the only question that matters; does anyone other than LA cheer for the Nicole Kidman AMC Theatres commercial?, male hair talk, and in Celeb Conspiracy Corner: Enrique Iglesias can't actually sing!?!?! A sad list and a blindz that derails into 90's nostalgia PLUS join Page 7 for a watchalong of The Muppet Christmas Carol over on Holden's Twitch on Monday, December 18th! and MOOOORE!!! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You guys ruined Thanksgiving. I had multiple people ruin my Thanksgiving. I was there nice early. I was just saying I wasn't upset about Thanksgiving, but now I'm upset about Thanksgiving. And everyone's about to hear about it. Bright and early. So I want to buy these shoes. I'm on my mama.

Please, are you ready, MJ? Remed. It's Chris. Even these shoes are just her size. Who side is the dead woman's size. Go to her race. Speed it up. Daddy says there's not much time.

TikTok pitches These music for quite a while And I know these shoes And make a smile Joker smile I wanted to look beautiful When Mama meets Jesus Tonight

Or Satan Depends she's going up She's going down She's going up, she going down Is she a secret killer Jackie makes this joke at the live show But truly as a person who only ever heard this song from Jackie.

And then I listened to the actual song. And the lyrics are not when Mama Meets Jesus tonight. They are if Mama Meets Jesus tonight. But Jackie has changed it to when because she is convinced that she's going to die. That's going to die. Takes away all hope. That's all they're getting for Christmas, man. Mama on Christmas.

There you go. Reddit recently had a big thread of worst songs ever. and Christmas shoes very well represented there. Also, one of the people in that thread told a story about how they were talking to one of their youth leaders at their church about how much they hated the song and they just kept going on and on and on until the guy finally was like, I wrote that song.

No. I want to meet this person. I know. That's amazing. That's the interview I've got to get. I love it. Happy holidays, everybody. Happy holidays, we did it.

Are you so like MJ, are you just bursting at the seams? Well, isn't the experience of Christmas kind of feeling like you should be very happy but not quite feeling it yet? But you're always sad. Why don't I feel happy? Right. So in that way, it truly is Christmas. And yet you love the spirit of the season.

You know what doesn't have that? Thanksgiving. What? If you don't see your family. No expectation to be happy. That's the thing. Thanksgiving can kind of be a bugaboo because it's just an extra big family visit unless you do it the fun way where it's Friendsgiving, which we did. And everyone was on time

And everything happened And no one showed up But no one was on time Well someone Dry didn't moisten a bird Oh don't worry I'm buying I have another bird that I am making Tomorrow evening

Because I need to make I'm making a makeup bird Because I told Jeff I was like I Don't make a dry I was so upset On Thanksgiving

I have to say this too I did not notice anything of the sort The turkey was absolutely delicious Jackie's insane The food was great. Also, by the way, you're covered it in all this slop juice.

How can you even tell that the bird is dry? It's covered in gravies and, you know, macronin cheese is getting all over. I will say my husband, who openly mashed is not his favorite potato preparation. I am not allowed to say every time he's like, I like mashed potatoes. It's just not my favorite potato preparation. And so I made mashed potatoes this year and I never make the mashed potatoes. So I was very nervous about it because, like, that, That's a big deal.

They can get gummy. I was worried that they were going to be gummy, but I will say my husband ate not only those mashed potatoes, but the mashed potatoes in the leftovers because he said they were so damn good that he had to keep eating them. Wow. Just throwing that out there. You can make new recipes. It is just like my pussy. He did also say just like your pussy. And I went, get down on it.

Get down on it. Cheese on deck. Yeah. Goose, goose, goose. Eat her out. Yeah, you gotta eat that pussy out. Yeah, man, that was what the dessert was. I said, no pie for you, Jeffrey?

Interesting. I had pie and cookies. No, we did have pie and cookies. It was a delicious wonderful thing. Your daughter was out of control. She was on a sugar high. She was just, it was so cute. Oh my God, MJ.

Oh, it's beautiful. Just when he's running around the house, just going, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, and I was just like, what's down does a turkey mage? Gopal, gobble, gobble, because she's eaten cookies and had such a sugar rush. She's officially becoming. She's become that kid now. Like, I walked in the room, and all the ladies were surrounding her dancing.

We were singing, all I want for Christmas. And then we did the Tina Turner song. And we were like. And Winnie is just in the middle of them all, flailing, just being the absolute star of the show. It was so, so fun to watch. So, yeah, we had a real family get together. Very wholesome get together. It was very sweet.

It felt good. It felt pure. You know what I mean? No one was like, I. you know what I mean? You know what I mean? No one was doing that. You know what I mean?

There's always that person at Thanksgiving. No, I know. Yeah, there's always that person, right? Usually. Usually. Didn't happen this year, though. MJ, I was your Thanksgiving. It was nice.

Yeah, you know, I feel like we've, I've reached the parenting era at age four and five where like it actually is like a four-day weekend at home was like, you know, nice. Whereas when they're younger. It doesn't make you want to die. Yeah, exactly.

A four-day weekend at home is like, People are like, oh, looking forward to the break. And I'm like, what break? Yeah, exactly. No, that is so much more exhaust. Yeah. I feel like I'm even finally in that spot just because I only have the one where it's like, oh, a few days isn't like this world ending commitment.

Yeah, well, also it's nice. It is nice to have other people. Like, I love a big holiday event. I had loved it before kids, love it after kids, but it's great to have a bunch of other people giving your children attention, you know, like have a bunch of people. like have a bunch of drunk ladies singing Mariah Carey at her. And, you know, you get to kick up your feet, not parent for a few minutes. Feels like a vacation.

Yeah, got to go sip on a j-bone in the back with a couple bodies, you know, talk about. We were around the corner. We were always away from the baby. Away from the child. But she was curious. And she was interested. Oh, she was certainly curious because she kept wanting to play hide and seek and was just like, get, we're running, we're looking at table.

Trying to be bad kids. I love the switch that happens. I had this with my cousin as well. where we were doing bad kids stuff and they were literally hiding from their own kids who still live at home with them even though they're like grown at that point

but like they were like yeah let's go the gazebo in the back you know what I have also had the fun experience of smoking with parents of like grown children like teenage children who were in like I definitely it was years ago but I was at some holiday party and I was like in the basement

and they were like we just got to make sure the 18 year old doesn't come down I was like I don't think the 18 year old is going to mind but I understand And you got to keep those divisions up, you know. I love it. I love that. It's hilarious.

Yeah, the kids become the parents. It's so great. The parents go immediately into kid mode and such a funny way, too. They're, like, so ready to be, like, bad teen kids. Gotta go be bad. That's what holidays are for. We all can be bad on the holidays. Holidays are for sneaking off and being bad.

That's what you got to do. Yeah. Or being right in front of your face like a Josh Gad, more like Josh Bad, right, guys? You guys were really taking a big dump all over, Josh. Yeah, during the Macy's Parade. I don't mind them. I had a great time with you guys. I don't mind it personally, by the way.

And I had a great time watching you guys. You guys singing. Thank you. Everybody who turned out for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, watch along. It was incredible numbers. We had over 700 people like the whole time. It was so much. Oh, my God.

We got drunk on Fireball in the bright early morning. There's nothing wrong with Josh Gad. I like choose, you know what? I like Henry's like world of sometimes you just have to choose someone and be Like, you know what? Don't like the cut of his gin. Right, right. Yeah.

Well, I don't love Olaf. I do think Olaf is annoying. So I know I had to kind of defend Josh Gatt on the stream for the sake of my children. That's the snowman, right? Yes, he's the snowman. I think I'm so charmed by him because I got to see the original cast run of Book of Mormon on Broadway. And that was him and the other guy from the dumb thing, I think, that they were even doing. Oh, him and the other guy, uh?

Yeah, and the other guy. Gutenberg, the musical, the other guy, whatever, who's in there. Steve Gutenberg. Is that his name? Three men and a little lady. That's a name I haven't heard in quite a while, Jackie. Man, I had such a crush on Steve Guttenberg. You would.

Of course I did. Yeah, I was thinking about three men and a baby the other day. Like, does that hold up in a meaningful way? I mean, the premise is how funny would it be if men had to take care of a baby? If men had to take care of a child. That's literally, in that way it probably doesn't hold up. What if? Get this.

Get this, get this, guys. It's not a woman. raising a child. Yeah. And same premise as full house. The woman has to die and then you need three men to replace the care of a single woman. Yes. When it comes to child care.

No, there was also, they slapped a Becky in there and then she had to be a stepmom essentially to everybody. I know. She had to take the girls to all of the girls' sleepovers. Oh, God. Yeah, there was kind of a fun. It kind of ended with Dancing Baby, too, the first internet meme. But there was kind of a weird 80s, 90s fascination with, like, comedy's. centered around babies.

I guess they'll always kind of be because you have like boss baby. Yeah, hello. But he used to go to the opera, holding. Back in the day, though, wasn't boss baby. It was like,

it was this kind of thing. Or look who's talking is the other one I'm thinking of. Like, how funny would it be if a baby? Well, that's boss baby. And then they made the dogs talk. Yeah.

And babies day out. I loved babies day out. Creepy. Very creepy. I think it's creepy, though, right? Oh, yeah. Gotta be creepy. I don't, yeah.

The 90s were a real, there was some sort of crisis of, I don't know if it was a crisis of masculinity or a crisis of modernity or something going on where everyone was just like, well, baby, you know. Joe Mentenia, Joe Pantaliano, they're both in Baby's Day Out. What is this, a gangster movie? That was the, and the premise of that movie was just, what if a baby, what if no one watched a baby? You know, so we've got, and they kidnapped the baby? What if men watched a baby is premise one of the 90s. got 10 movies out of that, several sitcoms. What if no one watched a baby is another premise.

And then what if the dogs could talk? Premise 3. Those are the three premises of the 90s. And also, no wonder we were so terrified of getting kidnapped as children. Like this is another movie. It's like, what if these three adults were like, what if we kidnapped this kid? And it's just like, hi, Jinks and Sue. I was so scared of getting kidnapped as a kid. As scared as I was of Quicksand, it was like really up there for me about just like,

I'm going to be taken at any point. I also, I confront this as a parent now because I am, I do think that it is a product of being a child of the 90s. Like, every time we went to the mall, and my parents were not even like, you know, crazy, but every time we went to the mall, we was like, let's review, what happens if someone takes you. It was just like so common that, to be a child of the 90s, there was a Berenstein Bear's book called The Trouble with Strangers.

Oh my God, I remember that one. Or learn about strangers or something. something and it was like a picture of brother and sister bears surrounded by strangers and all the strangers are in the shadows and the darkness looking at them and yeah learn about strangers oh yeah I remember this cover and the move now the parenting move now at least that I adhere to tends to be more like strangers are neighbors and it's good to know your neighbors and it's like always be scared if you're lost no wonder we all have anxiety well now it's now it's not the stranger who will take your child it is the internet that

of taking child. Yeah, I mean. Now it comes from within. The call comes from within inside the house. You're watching some Spider-Man YouTube video and all of a sudden Grover's there and then all of a sudden they're like taking their dicks out and you're like, what is this entertainment at this point? What are we even doing at this point?

And then some guys like come to Colorado or I don't know what they say. And all of a sudden you hear the distant tinglings of baby shark and you realize Baby Shark is haunting your dreams, Holden. God, it's taken her mind. God, it's taken her. You don't even know what awaits you. I don't get it. You do not.

How will Holden cope with the trampoline parks that await him? How will he cope with the amount of Disney sing-alongs? I'm excited about the trampol. Oh, no, they do weird sing-alongs at these trampoline parks? No, no, not just separately. All the things that come with, you know, as when he gets older, you're just going to have to do so many unpleasant things and I can't wait to watch it. I'm excited about the trampoline parks.

I'm not excited about. But I think it's just, honestly, it's the other parents. Yeah. That makes me upset. I say this all time. Big little lies gave me a mistaken impression about how much I would hate the other parents. There's so many shows where it's just like, oh, the other parents are bitches. Oh, they're all bitches.

You'll hate them all. And I have found it to be absolutely lovely getting to know other parents. There has not been a big little lies bitch among them. Are you sure? You don't feel like you're being forced. You don't feel like it's like, I have. to be friends with these people because my kids like their kids. I have not, I have not had that experience.

That said, I have, I have gotten messages from people who are maybe raising kids in, like, an area where they are around people. Also, sometimes when we've been on tour, people have mentioned, like, you know, I'm in a area where everyone is Mormon or whatever. And, like, you know, people, your neighbors might not have a big umbrella of shared cultural values, where I certainly... Yeah, we live in front of the... Capitol building on January 6th or something like that. And you're like, all I have to talk to is he's just like people waving like pro and anti-cop signs. Like you don't even know what's going on. And that, I mean, I don't talk politics with parents at the playground, but it's not like, you know, right. There's not, no one's like telling me to keep Christ in Christmas or anything. So that might help the fact that I don't. Don't bring up Schmolden and saving Christmas right now. Oh my God. We, Schmolden was alive and well during our.

We're saving Christmas watch along. There was a character who, you've seen him before because we've watched the dance scene from saving Christmas on Jack and the Holies on Friday. Well, MJ and I called him show. Because he looks a little like you. I know who you're talking about it. It's so insulting. Don't you love that too, by the way?

When you're just like everyone who people say looks like you, it's so you're just like, it's literally just a dude with a beard, dark hair, and glass. You're hotter than half. It's like, well, that guy doesn't he is. he looks like a fucking date rapist. I know. Every single time. He's bad.

Yeah, he's bad. Every time. They always do. I would also be angry if I were you. It's understandable. But you don't look, it's not like you're, it's only because, right, it's a general form of curly hair, you know, glasses, et cetera. But he, uh, everyone is mad at you, hold it because I think that you were instrumental towards

our choice of saving Christmas. And then you bailed. And Jackie and I had to watch it ourselves. And we learned about putting the Christ back in Christmas. And it turns out he's been in there the whole time. There you go. So it's fine. Yeah, because the Christmas trees aren't pagan.

Don't you see? It's because there was wood? On the cross. The cross was the original Christmas tree. And don't worry, they did show a crucifixion. And I hear at the very end, he brings back the gay Fsler, like it went away or something like that. That's how he saved Christmas. And they were like, that's a miracle.

That's how it was. And everyone started liberally using that word like at other people. Kirk Cameron, I think might be the devil, but like, I think it's like in a way to make you hate. The devil would make way better movies. I think of that. You're right. They would be definitely a lot more badass than this and it'll be a lot more, I guess, pyrotechnics. That might have been the worst movie we have ever.

And why am I saying might? Definitely the worst movie we've ever watched along too. No question. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah, easily, easily. But, you know, we learned a lot about the crucifix. And I think that's what I'm like, when I'm on Christmas Day, I'm like, where's the, I want more crucifix in this? That's what the season is for.

I mean, I grew up in a Catholic town. There was a lot of like, not just a cross, the actual, it's like the necklaces don't just have a cross. They have a little statue of the suffering Jesus on the cross. Right. Yeah, man. It's a reason for the season, man. Nall him up, man. Yeah, I'm here.

I've got the hot takes today. I'm buying candles over here, okay? Because it took eight days for the man to arrive or something. You don't even know. You don't know anything about it, but what I do know a lot about is that Dwayne the Rock Johnson is cooking. Can you smell it? What did he say? Can you smell it?

Can you smell? Yes, sweet. What's the way. Rock is cooking. He's cooking up naughty and nice holiday ice cream cakes, which I didn't know that Dwayne the Rock Johnson is a longtime investor in Salt and Straw. Do you have Salt and Straw in New York? Is that everywhere? I truly like I don't know. M.J. I heard you talk about it. Holden. Holden loves Salt and Straw ice cream. It's when we want to give ourselves a little treat. It's we want to give ourselves a little treat. We go salt and straw and I love their get there just

the sees salt caramel is legit. That's what's kind of cool about them. They make cucky flavors. They make, oh, pigs blood and stuff. The big blood. They're breast blood, too. Weren't they the breast milk ice cream as well?

Oh, I don't know. But I know that they definitely do, like, they do put, like, crickets in some of their ice cream. They do. That's why I'm so surprised because there's a naughty cake and there's a nice cake. But I thought that the naughty cake would have,

like, bugs or, like, you know, like vomit jellybellies in it or something because it's the naughty cake, but the only thing naughty about it is that it's got a lot of chocolate. It's got a lot of chocolate. That's not. Oh, isn't that naughty?

I like to be naughty at Christmas. It looks so fucking good, bro. It does look good. Duanta. I love Duanta Claus. He's called himself Duanta. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. I love Duanta Claus.

What, this cake, it's a filling seven-layer concoction starting with a coffee-spiked chocolate cake base with caramel chocolate fudge, whiskey caramel ice cream, chunks of peanut butter chocolate chip cookie dough, with sea salt sprinkled on it, and topped with chocolate peanut butter crunchies. Yeah, but listen to the nice cake.

It's a coconut cake base with vanilla Oregon Marion Belly jam, rum spiked bananas foster with chunks of peanut butter chocolate ganache. Also sounds good. Undeproved. Honestly, this sounds like something that I need to go out and order. Oh, you've been watching some bake-up. It's underprued because you didn't give enough time, Paul. They never have enough time, especially, oh, don't even get me started when they try to make the ice.

cream. Oh, God, don't make the ice cream. I did get, um, I hold on a know if you could, we're able to try any of it, but for, I don't know if you saw my Instagram post, but I, because of good, no, because of Good Pud, I follow all of these snack influencer sites now. Really? Um, but also go check out Good Pud because I've been making, I'm trying to make Henry eat more of these, um, weird flavored things that come out. Um, you know, like things that I brought here. Like, I'm trying to track down like the Velvita Martini and stuff like that. So now I follow all these snack influencers, and I found out that Baskin-Robbins was making

a turkey-shaped ice cream cake. Oh, yeah. And so I didn't realize they made a full, but like not even a shape, like a 3D turkey ice cream cake. I had no idea. So I got one and I was like, what is this gelatinous outside? It's caramel on the outside. I got chocolate-chip cookie dough. It was unbelievable.

It was so fucking delicious. and surprisingly, the legs made out of waffle cones with ice cream all the way going through the cone. That's a good idea. It was perfect. It was beautiful and it was magical. That's beautiful, dog. Thank you. Because, you know, the problem, everyone, long-time listeners might remember that I'm a big cake boss fan.

Yes. And I'm in general a fan of cakes that are more architecture than cake. But the problem is, mostly it's PVC pipe. There's not a lot of cake in there. Right, because you have to build it on something, but not this turkey man. Man, man, the guy, when I picked up the turkey cake, he went, whoa, you take this somewhere special? And I'm like, what do you mean? He's just like, it's going to be a hit.

Everyone's going to remember you at Thanksgiving this year. Like, he was so excited for me. And he's like, when are you going to show them? Are you going to show them before dinner or after dinner? And I was like, after dinner, I guess. I haven't even thought about this. But he got me all hyped. I was just like, yeah, you're right.

This is the best thing I could have ever brought to a Thanksgiving. But I will also say it was kind of found it interesting that right after that you walked outside and a witch tripped on your foot and then went, These Thanksgiving your turkey will be dry. And she went drier and she put that on my face. I was like, no, no, no. So now every food Jackie makes is dry. It's so bad. But here's the problem is that like I've been eating a lot less recently and I'm making a full 16 pound turkey for my husband and myself.

And it's just too much burden. And I really appreciate it. went up to Jeff last night. I was like, I just want to thank you for being such a patient husband. You know that we don't need this much turkey. You know that I have to make this turkey. And he's like, yeah, you know, we're going to eat turkey for days. Oh, but Jackie, this is where, this is where watching hours and hours of the food network

and especially chopped for years and years comes in handy because you got to look at that box of leftovers and you got to say, what's in the basket? And then you got to. Oh, my God. I love it. And then you make, that's my favorite. Yeah. It's my favorite thing to do, MJ.

I know, me too. And then, but make something that could be frozen. So make a turkey chili, freeze it. Yeah. You know, make a fucking, I don't know. You can't freeze this, really. But you know what I made last year that was so bangorang that I got to make it every year? And this is a sleeper hit.

Turkey Tetrazini. Because I feel like I remember Turkey Tetrazini from like going to school and you would get it as like a slop, like the week of Thanksgiving in school. always like weird and horrible. But man, making your own turkey, motherfucker, Dantrazini. What is it? It's so good. It's essentially like a turkey piece.

It's almost like a carbunara, but with turkey. Wow. Essentially. Which, oh, don't even get me started on a carbonara. All right. I'm not here to talk about food, guys. We're here to talk about celebrities. We're not here to talk about food.

Your food holiday is over. I just want to talk about food forever. I love talking about food. I know what we can. do, Jackie. Have you considered smoking a turkey with a smoker that is smokeless? Are you talking about Snoop Dog right now? Are you transitioning us into a Snoop Dog conversation? Also, I don't want to smoke turkey. I'm fine. I smoked turkey legs always smell delicious, but they're always drier than you think they're going to be. Totally. Kind of like your turkey on Thanksgiving.

You are going to go to hell very soon. I'm going to force feed you. I'm just show up your house and be like, eat this. You'd be like, this is really good turkey. Be like, I fucking know. And then I'm going to leave. Yeah, Snoop Dog, man.

He has just become this insane marketing machine at this point. He's more marketing than man. So last week, so two weeks ago, Snoop Dog openly said, I'm quitting smoking. And everyone was like, what? But your Snoop Dog, you love weed. And immediately, hold that I found out about this, because this came out two weeks ago.

We're like, there's no way. I'm sure this is a ploy of somebody. One week later, pops out, no, what he's actually doing is trying to sell these smokeless solo stove fire pits. And that's what he's selling. It's a $350 Snoop stove featuring the rapper's logo, signature, and a pair of dog paws emblazoned on the side. As well as a bucket hat and a sticker pack. Nice. I'm just saying, I think that I'm made.

of influence Snoop. Well, yeah, you want a bucket hat because then you get the heat rises and collects in the hat. But also so does the smokier weeds so that goes into your eyes. It gets in your eyes and everyone knows an eye high

is the greatest high of them all. Yeah, man, I'm always like, blow it in my eyes. Blowing in my eyes. I just am shocked at how hard he hits the pavement for somebody who's like, A, a prolific weed smoker

and B seems to have just an endless amount of money. But is really the problem here with these people? And this is something I... These people, are you talking about people that smoke weed? Because I take offense. I'm talking about the very rich.

Oh, okay. Is it just... Yeah, I also take offense because, guys, I don't even know this, but I'm a secret princess. Oh, my God! Mic drop! And now I'm marrying you away! Oh, God, don't sell me. Some ugly man.

No, I watched Napoleon for three hours last night. I learned all about these things. How is it? We're going to talk about it. It's, I thought it was great. It wasn't a power of this log? No, not at all. Okay.

Oh my God, it was so good. I'm so surprised. I need to look into why it's not getting like insane reviews because like, okay, all right, just long story short. It's called Napoleon and it's long. But Joaquin Phoenix, he doesn't do an ascento at all. Like, he's just straight up Joaquin Phoenix. So I think people had a lot of problems with that. I thought that was weird though when he was like, I am a Napoleon.

I would rather it than an elephant tini. In the Chitilini, like, I'd so much rather it just be Joaquin' Phoenix than an elephantine in a martini. Dude, the Al Pacino scene with Jared Leto in that movie. Oh, walking on the talk. And then he's like, oh, look. Again, we're talking about House of Gucci, if you guys don't remember House of Gucci. It's so good. And so, I would rather, rather than watching him struggle with a French accent, I like that he was distinguished from everybody else.

in the fact that he did have an American accent, but also Joaquin Phoenix, I thought was, I was in it the entire, like, I was so sad when I had to go take a leak because it was just like, I ran to the bathroom to take a leak. I thought it was great. Wow. Everyone else has a French accent except him? No, they all have, like, for the most part,

just straight up British accents, which is also, I think, weird because they hate the English so much. Yeah. Like, you know, in the movie. But, you know, it's, that's fine. You know, you gotta, sometimes you gotta leave it at the door. Yeah, right. And just be like, this is what the movie is. And I'm just gonna watch the movie for what it is.

And you know what? Joaquin Phoenix, especially after Bo is afraid, I can watch Joaquin Phoenix for hours doing anything. Yeah. I just think that he's such a dynamic performer. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's just, it's, and also brought such, like, I feel like all I know about Napoleon is the fact that, like,

he was like, I want the whole world. That's all I really know about Napoleon And watching him be that But in more Understanding and almost empathetic way But he's so pathetic that like it's Like I think that they really showed the whole spectrum of Napoleon But I'm sorry, I'm now just going on my own rant about Napoleon

And champion it no one's talking about it So you got championed it I'm really like I'm sure that I like I'm gonna go and say I'm not like a complete history buff here. Like, I don't know. But, like, I know that a lot of the big battles that they show, like, that is the tactics that he brought.

Like, he was a brilliant general. And I, I just, I thought it was a really great movie. They kept exile in him. That's what I was about to say. I just think the crazy They exiled him twice. He became emperor twice. Then he gets back from the island. He shows up, but he's like, but what if I'm the emperor?

Yeah, he takes it over again. And they're like, get back on that island. Get back on that island. And it's, I, I, I thought it was great. I couldn't imagine it, man, just being thrown on an island just over and over again because you're that much of a menace to the world. But at the same time, Holden, part of you, there's got to be part of you. They're taking you to an island without your family.

Yeah. And you're just going to go live in this house where you have a whole staff. Is there lubricant? I'm sure there's got to be butter or grease or something. Like, there's got to be large. I guess it would be large. It would be large. It would be lard at this time.

And I'm sure you can do that. Yeah, yeah. And I'm sure they don't have it out, you know, on Elba or whatever island that she was on. But, you know, it does seem like it's a pretty good get. There you go. And I had to, like, ask Jeff afterwards because he's way more. I know Jeff Holden hates history. He publicly says that he hates history.

I just think it's boring and whatever. And my husband loves history. So I was asking, like, about certain parts of it. And I was just like, why did they exile him and why didn't they just kill him? And apparently that's just like, it's really hard to just kill the head. It's like a much bigger issue to just kill the head of state of a different country rather than just like sending them away. Yeah, to go to history before you get infurious with me, I am jealous of people who are really into history. Also, I feel like I'm missing something.

As you know right now, the whole meme or whatever is the whole like fun internet thing is like asking guys how much they think about the Roman Empire. Yeah, that name is fun. And for me, that is a big, fat, zero. I spend no time thinking about the Roman Empire. no interest in any of that stuff. So I do feel like a bit of my man card gets rebuked a little bit. But that's okay, because I'll fuck him, I'll fuck him good. You know what I mean?

Yeah. That's what I was hoping he was going to say. But what is he? But what does he provide? What does he lift up in his partner? But I fuck him good. There you go. You know, I'm proud of you.

They got it. And I'm also proud of Robert Pattinson and Suki Waterhouse because they are expecting their first child together. I'm literally bringing this up because of the meme where people tagged Taylor Lautner from Twilight and was just like, you better stay away from that baby. Right, explain that. You have to thank, Jackie.

I would not have understood that meme until Jackie summarized all four Twilight books for our page seven live show. And so thankfully, I was able to see that meme and be like, aha, he's going to implant. The baby. Because just for you guys, long story short, in case you were wondering and don't know, if you don't want the spoiler for the end of Twilight, you can just fast forward probably 35 seconds from now. Because at the end of the fourth book, essentially Bella has the baby of her and Edward.

And Taylor Lautner, who is a werewolf, they believe in this idea where they can imprint. They're imprinted with someone. Essentially, the idea is like a soulmate. And he thought that he was imprinted with Bella, but the entire time he was imprinted with her eggs and actually is going to take care of this baby until she someday wants to have sex with him. Oh.

So that's the end of twilight. And so that's why these silly heads, see, Taylor Lawdner stay away from this baby because you can't groom this one. I'm happy for Robert Pattinson. I do think it's funny that, like, it does seem a little bit like the actors from Twilight kind of wish they were dead a little bit

when it comes to how much Twilight haunts them and their careers. Is that a fair thing to say? It seems like they're all pretty unhappy about it. It's kind of like how Leonard Nimoy put out a book at one point in his career titled I Am Not Spock and then many, many years later he put out a book titled I Am Spock. Yeah.

That book kind of upset people, right? The title of the other book kind of upset people. I feel like they are starting to the journey of coming back around to the thing that they have grown to. You know what I mean? Yeah. I feel like that's always the journey, right? It's like gross acceptance eventually has to happen. They're like, oh, wear the wolf ears and put on the vampire teeth and like make a joke out of it.

Yeah. Poor bastards, though. If only Robert Pattinson could have been well known for the movie he should have been most known for, which is the surprise 9-11 ending romance film. Oh, man. Oh yeah, I always love that one. Surprise, $1, $1, $1. I'm surprised it wasn't called Surprise, it's 9-11.

Wait, it's called Remember Me, by the way. I wish you would remember that hold in. Surprise, it's 9-11. That would have given away probably the end. Yeah, it would have given away a little bit more. Wow, they really went there. I thought the title was purposely misleading, but they really just ended it with 9-11, which is fucking crazy.

No, but I did think about while watching Napoleon, I thought about the lighthouse. I did think about, because like, speaking of Robert Pattinson, like, I loved that movie. I'm just like, oh, put him in a chunky sweater, put him out to see. Yes, please. But Robert Patton always does look like he's kind of upset. That's the thing they all look like they're upset. Taylor Lottner, not so much, but like Kristen Stewart also looks like she's upset all the time. Always.

That's kind of the point. That was why they were cast. That's why she's not like the other girls. Yeah, she's just not like the other girls. She's just not like the other girls. wearing a little too big of a sweater. Her character is not like the other girls, but also as an actress,

she's not like the other girls. No, she's not like the other girls. And she's got some gams on her, man. Those legs. Oh, yeah? Legs for days. I don't know if I've ever thought about Kristen Stewart's legs for a second.

That's her thing. That's what she's got most. Oh, that's what she has the longest. She looks completely uninterested in you and everyone like you. Yeah, that's exactly what everybody wants. Yeah, and that's what you. want to. You want to be like, God, just look at me, man. Come on. I'm like learning to juggle and stuff just

to get her fucking attention. She's just like, it's a whatever Wednesday, isn't it? No, it's not a whatever Wednesday. I learned on a fucking juggle last night for you. Yeah, but then you're all hard because she called it whatever Wednesday. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm into it. Yeah, of course you're into it, man. You're probably as into that as I am into Nicole Kidman's AMC ad. Now, I literally just need to bring this up because I know MJ that you don't go to the movies very often. But when you do, do they clap for the Nicole Kidman AMC at? I'm about to be the biggest Alec Baldwin of all time. Don't yell at me. I used to go to the opera. I have not been to a movie in a theater. I don't think since I had children. I'm not upset with you because it's more difficult

to go to the movies in New York anyway. Since the pandemic. I don't think I've been since the pandemic. Wow. Yeah. And that's not even for like pan. I don't. Yeah. So I'm sorry. I can't, you You want to know whether people always cheer for Nicole Kidman the way they do in L.A. Yeah, because we go to the AMCs. There's like multiple out in Burbank. So we go to there all the time. And almost every time the AMC ad, we go, woo, yeah, Nicole. Like I don't.

But there's always at least six people in every audience that does it. And I've seen three movies in the last week. And they did it at every single one. Somehow, trying to feel good in a place like this. It does, man. Heartbreak feels good. Good in place like this. And I tried to say that line along with it.

Yeah, as well. Let's put up a poll. Let's see if this is happening in other places in the country. Just let me know. Are people as jazzed about this? Because which I, this would talk about, I went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Keith Urban was on Chris Angel's podcast, which I didn't even realize he had. I read that sentence several times to be like, who are we talking about Chris Angel as a podcast?

And he's talking to Keith Urban's on it? Okay. And like, and of course, you know, what do? Chris Angel and Keith Urban talk about, but of course, Nicole Kidman's AMC ad. And Keith Irvin is just like, she loves movies. It's like, yep, she does love movies. She just did it. We all know she did it for a paycheck.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't think she didn't do it to become a mean. Lassing at her. And like, also talk about saying heartbreak feels good in a place like this. I think when we went to go see Thanksgiving, someone was loudly reciting every single word. And like, his friends were just like, yes. Yeah. Yes.

And it was great, though. I don't find it annoying. I think it's wonderful. It's awesome. It's such a fun tradition now. Yeah. And it separates the men from the boys a little bit, too, in terms of, like, sinophiles. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I just can't, every time I think about the fact that she's married to Keith Urban, I just feel weird about it. It's not even an anti-Kithervant. I got no reason to be mad at him. Are you just envious of his wrist, his sweatbands on his wrist? Maybe I'm envious of the sweatbands. I do like a sweatband. Maybe it's his hair.

There's just something about it. him, I look at him and I'm like, him? Yeah, you're an anime character or something. Like, what is going on? Yeah, what is happening? I wonder, do you think he flat irons his hair himself? Because I think I had the same haircut as Keith Urban in, like, I want to say 2001. I remember I had like a little short bob and I would flat iron it out and then I would

wax the very ends of it so that they would just like stick out on the sides. and I feel like that's what Keith Herbert's going. You bring up a good point of like, I've had kind of the same haircut for like all my life. You want to switch it up, broccoli head? Maybe. But it's an unassuming haircut. It's always so weird to me when like the person has like a very stylish specific haircut

and they never change it. Yeah, for decades. And it's like, wow, that was in like 2009. Taylor Swift's guitarist has whole. in my opinion, a horrible haircut for how he looks and his age. Really? He just, it's off. There's something off.

He clearly goes to a trendy hairstylist, but he looks like Uncle George. Like, that's what he looks like. He's like older, a little heavy, said, not like, you know, but he's just sort of what, like, he's clearly just a very good backing band guitarist. Whoa, he looks like Bon Jovi. A little bit, but like slubier, Bon Jovi. A little schlobier. and it just the hair, it's like too small for his head,

and it always throws me off. And God bless him. I mean, he's living his best life. Yeah, man. So I can, at least I can say this. Oh, yeah, he's got, he's a fun-looking guy. Like, but yeah, he has smoked a reefer in his day. Oh, for sure.

Oh, yeah. He's like Rigs of Dad if you follow that Instagram. Yes, real. God, what a good Instagram, by the way. Rigs of Dad, if you don't, it is all, it is just literally what it sounds like. and his dad's playing guitar in their local, you know, garage band, just shredding, you know, in various poor taste hair and clothing stylings and everything. But yeah.

Oh, but wait, speaking of broccoli head really quick, hold, I needed to ask you, a real live example of a broccoli head in the wild, speaking of Bakeoff, Maddie, the lovable bro from Bakeoff, who's like confused as to why he's still in there. That's a classic case of broccoli head, right? He's got Brockhead. But I love... That is Brock. Yes.

That is Broccoli head. By the way, Broccoli head, I love that guy. He seems great. This is the thing. I've seen a lot of talk about this about with Travis Kelsey, too. Bringing back the positive bro. You know, bro's got a lot of bad raps and I've always loved wings. To be fair, MJ, they can't say anything anymore.

And so you need to remember that before you continue. But so many bros aren't bad dudes. So many of them are just guys you went to high school with who want to to like get down with some wings and honestly some fireball. Yeah. And have some bud lights. And they're not trying to take your rights away.

They're just nice. They just want to play pickleball with you. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. You're forgetting a really key ingredient with both of those guys. One guy is incredibly well known for doing quite well in great British baking show as a baker. The other guy is very classical one known as before he was even dating her being a giant

Swifty. They embrace their feminist. inside a little bit as well. They aren't discerning in this way. They don't have this shitty, weird rule set that most bro dudes have where they feel like if they go outside of it, they're terrified.

Some random person's going to be spying on them through the apartment windows dancing to Taylor Swift and be like, ah, you know what he mean? Like, that's a real fear in many men's lives. I don't know who this guy is who just spies on

men and their privacies. Yeah. But I think it's a real fear, right? of doing anything that is just... So we embrace the bro, but we give the bro a habit that is coded as slightly less masculine. And then that bro finds the soft parts of himself. And then we can love a bro.

If the bro is comfortable within their own skin to be, to enjoy... Any spectrum of how they feel. I want you to be able to embrace how you feel and embrace the positivity and share that love with others. I love a hymbo. Yes, we love a hymbo. This is what my suggestion for everybody who's in this state where you're, like, I could be a hymbo, but I haven't been able to embrace it.

Get a rib removed and suck your own dick. And if you can't do that, I don't, I can't help you, bro. Man. How is your life changed since you've been sucking your own dick? First of all, stretching, it's so good for the back. Oh, yeah. It really is a low back when you get down. Oh, yeah.

My core is, like, throbbing, but like, with strength. Ooh, wow. Ball strained. Balls are drained. Balls are drained. I don't know what I thought you said, but I was scared of it. I was more scared of it than balls are drained. So, it's just like, what did he say?

Oh, God. Oh, God. I'm like, oh, God. Are you dry her? Are you the witch? Are you the witch that made my turkey dry? The witch sound like this. Oh, my God.

She's followed me here. And the witch had a mustache and beard and my haircut. So I don't understand how you were confused. to get a different haircut, witch. And I think it's time for you to broccoli head it. All right, that's right. For some reason saying it's time for you to broccoli head it means it's time for the celebrity conspiracy.

Oh, do you believe it? Enrique Anglesias can't actually sing. I have been looking forward to this fun. Oh, yes. We have seen the videos. Oh, good. I'm so glad you've seen the videos. Do you need some help?

No, no. It's all over TikTok. It's all over TikTok, right? And it's so fun. Yeah, this one comes in from Britt who writes, Hey, y'all, it's Britt from Twitch Spaces and more. Love y'all bunches, and I'm finally writing in about a conspiracy theory that has been smacking me in the face for weeks now.

It all started when videos of Enrique Iglesias popped up again and again on my for-you page on TikTok. Oh, yeah. I kept witnessing little clips of a recent concert of his that featured a rough performance from him. At first, I thought nothing of it, but with other concert videos past and present, coming through, it has become obvious. Erique Iglesias can't actually sing. My theory is that as a society, we allowed Enrique access to the spotlight because of who his father is

Julio Iglesias, big deal name. He was able to slip by on recorded performances by some unknown ghost singer slash writer of sorts, and now his time has gone on and his fame becomes so great. He's not able to keep up the act. I've included a bunch of videos backing up the past and present differences from his performances.

Also, his recent performances have included really weird floor humping and continued singing with his mic away from his mouth. I've also included recent links from outlets starting to talk about the weird viral clips. My question is, do you believe? And yeah, Brit links to the TikTok

videos. I'm sure you guys have seen some of them. The humping, this stage one, is really bizarre. Honestly, in general, his approach to performance seems strained and bizarre. Yes. He's doing a tour right now. It's called the trilogy tour. Sounds amazing.

Sounds amazing this tour. I remember seeing an ad for it, and I had sent it to Henry and Ed because in Vegas, this tour was performing on Thanksgiving, and I was like, sorry, can't make Thanksgiving this year, because I got to go see Enrique Anglesias,

Pitbull, and Ricky Martin perform. Sounds fun and shit. That sounds like a fun night of performances, you know? But, yeah, a third of that show. show seems to be pretty terrible. I think the biggest giveaway, honestly, outside of, yes, his singing sounds terrible, is the part where he literally doesn't sing a lot of his show. He, like, makes everyone else sing his songs at him, including, like, his biggest hits,

like, hero and all that kind of stuff, you know? It's just, it's a long time to have a career if you can't sing. Well, but if you notice he hasn't had a career since, I feel like he was able to get away with it back in the day because you could kind of just be a recording artist. Right. During a certain point in pop music. I mean, still kind of technically can, but I think he literally just like needs the money so we went on tour.

Yeah. And maybe also though you could say he was probably out of the game for a while. He got a bunch of money. He got successful doing his thing. But now he's like has to come back and he's like so out of shape training wise and stuff like that. Yeah, that could be it. Because I mean, I remember like, you know, here.

about him for the first time in the mid-90s, which was when his star rose. So it's like, that's a long career to not be saying. But, you know. I just wanted to see how much money it was to get floor seats. And it's, it's, you know, for the scheme of things, it's really not that bad. It's $200 a ticket, which is nothing,

especially when it's like, you think about the fact that we couldn't afford or get Olivia Rodrigo tickets. The fact that there are so many tickets still available is very sad. Any words getting around. But that kind of makes sense. Like, even Pitbull, I don't think is as big of a draw these days as he had. Mr. Worldwide?

I love Mr. Worldwide, by the way. So don't come at me. I feel like you're disrespecting Mr. Worldwide right now. No, I love the Bull. I mean, I think it's well established that we are not qualified to speak about what the youth want. No, no. This is not for the youth. But I will have this store is not for the youth.

If I get a broccoli haircut, I am allowed to do that. If I get a broccoli haircut, I am. I absolutely get to end some slides. Then I get to start doing that. But until then, you are old. Yes. And I can't hear what you say because you're old person now. That's right.

And I'm scared of you. Although it would be, I think you would look really good with a broccoli head. I do think, I think it's not always a bad haircut. No, not at all. Not at all. Now, excuse me, you won't be hearing what I say because I'll be gagging myself on my own penis right here in this studio. I think that's great. I guess that means if you're over there doing that,

that means I have to be over here doing the list. Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie! Got to have that list. Facts about iconic animal movie stars. Oh, God. Please make sure you don't give us any sad ones like you sometimes like to.

Oh, there's got to be a couple of sad ones in here. But this one, you know what? This is sad, but not in the way that you think. The dog who played Toto in the Wizard of Oz earned $125 a week. For comparison, the munchkins were reportedly paid $50 a week. Whatever, they were all drunk. They were all drunk. Those munchkins.

Willie from Free Willy. Kiko the Whale was rescued from a dumpy aquatic park when he was cast in the film. A promed at the end of the film actually raised enough funds to free Kiko, and he was released back into the wild. But he never quite got the hang of socializing with other whales, so he didn't exactly thrive. in the last few years of his What did he got it?

Sad one alert Sad one I just don't understand why like how do they know that? Like what did they track him? Like were they, I hope they were following him. And why do they got to give these badass animals

names like Kikl? You know? He should be like hammer fist or something like that. He should be bad. It should be a cool name. Yeah. We always got to be Rookie.

Like it's always some dumb fuck like a baby named the thing. You know what I mean? I name it. Tilo, you know? I hate it. So you're not going to let, like, someday when I'm sure you inevitably get a, like, a pet of some sort, you're not going to let, like, your child.

Are you going to do a Sparkle Heart, Darth Vader? What is it? Sparkle Darth Vader. Sparkle Darth Vader. Sparkle Darth Vader. That's cool name. Yeah, Sparkle Darth. Yeah, those are cool fucking names.

Loveheart is a badass. Like, that even sounds badass and it's just the words love and heart, but it's not like, T, like, no. No, I'm not going to name the dog like Lee. leavey or something idiotic. You know what I mean? It'll be like, it'll be like Hemingway Farts or something like that.

Yeah, Hebingway. Yeah, Dave your dog, Hemingway, and then get a broccoli head haircut. That sounds like... Suck your own dick. Yeah. And then suck your own dick. There you go.

And then never work with a herd of sheep because in Brokeback Mountain, yes, please. Director Ang Lee said the groundbreaking sex scenes were nothing compared to the shepherding scenes. They say, no more sheeps, never again sheep. Yeah, that sounds like chaos. Yeah, I couldn't imagine. When I was studying abroad in Prague, where I was studying puppets, people might remember,

I had this wild weekend where a bunch of people were not speaking English to me. They were only speaking in Czech. And I was just a lot, that was a lot of my experience with this particular study abroad experience. And I was just brought somewhere to a mountain. No one was really telling me what was going to happen. and it was part of this kind of immersive experience. We're going to spend this time with like a sustainability mountain man in rural Czech Republic. And dude, we just heard a sheep.

And it's a wild experience. Whoa. You've never told me about your sheep hurting days. We chased those sheep from one pasture on a mountain to another pasture. And again, no one was telling me that this was what was going to happen. Maybe they were telling me, but it was in check. And we heard of those sheep. They were telling me, but I was in check.

I didn't know what was happening, but we heard of those sheep. Man, did we? You got to hit them on the butt. There's thousands of them, and they just all want to stay together. So you just, if what's... I love this. No wonder they didn't want to tell you what you were doing. They didn't want you to have to, like, back out or be scared.

You're just like, no, you just sheep bird now. And I totally, I could see it as a karate kid thing, too, for puppetry. It's like, if you learn to master the sheep, you can master the puppets. Yes. Which is not true. I think it was unrelated to the puppetry, but the program in general was like, we just want to connect you to like people. It was a really amazing thing. People doing all sorts of cool stuff all over Prague and the Czech Republic.

But this, it was like, here's a cool man who herds sheep. Now you get to herd sheep. And it just, you know, you don't really know what that's like. No, thank you. As you're hitting the sheep, can we please not do this? Swat, swat, swat. You got a smack. Can we not do this?

They want to all stay together. Now I understand what a sheep. Deep Dog does. Yes. They just want to stay together. They just want to stay together. Breaks them up, pushes them around. Yeah, and what else got pushed around?

Lassie. No, this isn't a sad fact. This is actually a happy fact. Lots of Collies played the part, but Pal was the first to really embody the fearlessness of the character. After he retired, five of his puppies went on to play the role. It's a family affair. And also, this is very cute.

The nine dogs who played Lassie all had their own pet dogs, so they didn't get lonely. All the lassies have been nailed descendants of the original lassie, pal. I'm glad that you skipped the Little Rascals one, Jackie, because it's very sad. I did skip the little rascals one. I know. I'm trying to be, I'm trying to save a nicer one. Well, now you have to talk about the Little Rascals one. What happened to the little rascals? Someone poisoned the dog. Someone poisoned the dog. An unknown person poisoned the dog. Yeah! Yeah!

But you know, there's something called the curse of the little rascals, not to go too deep here, but there is many of them died tragic deaths. And so this just goes in with that. I should do that for a celebrity conspiracy theory, huh? Oh, yeah. The little rascals. It's very sad. There's the glee. Yeah, the glee curse is too dark. I've gotten ones in for the glee curse as well.

It's too dark. Yeah, they poisoned the dog. How fun is that, dude? Did the dog fucking die? They poisoned the dog, and alfalfa was stabbed, Holden. Yeah. It's really, it's really, really, really, really. That's awesome, man.

A lot of them died. What about the, but this elephant didn't? Maybe it did. But we don't know, according to this fact. A hungry elephant from Indiana Jones. After filming the scene where Kate Capshaw and Harrison Ford ride elephants into the jungle in Temple of Doom, one of the elephants straight up ate Capshaw's dress. They actually had to make the dubious claim of eaten by elephant on an insurance form.

There you go. I did hear too that someone did try to stab the elephant with a blade. No. They were swinging it all around everything. The elephant just pulled out a gun. Shot the guy. No. With his trunk?

With his trunk. Well, that's kind of fun. You know, I... This is a long list. There's a lot of facts here about a lot of different animals. I love this. Just like, this is classically, I feel like maybe I'm just because I'm a Frazierite over here, but Eddie, the dog from Frazier, is actually played by a dog named Moose.

And Kelsey Grammer said he usually lets the undue praise fly for the dog. But he says, I do draw the line when somebody says, oh, he's such a good little actor. He's not an actor. he's a dog. Oh man, Airbud was at the Twin Towers during 9-11. Jesus Christ. No, but speaking of Airbud,

Buddy, the golden retriever from Comet, who played Comet in Full House, was discovered on America's funniest home videos, playing football, basketball, and other traditionally human-dominated sports that all tracks, since he went on to get his own franchise AirBud. Okay, that actually makes this whole list worth it.

That one fateful day, he decided to go down town. No, no one knew why. No, don't talk about the dog, but he's fine. This one fact makes the whole list worth it because he was on America's Funniest Home Videos, which is of course hosted by Bob Sagitt, then he went on to be Comet on Full House starring Bob Saggett, and he was on funniest own videos for being a fucking football playing dog, and you're telling me that's the same dog that went on to play Air Bud. Give me that movie. And he had one of his legs amputated. What? That's not on the slag. So what is he? What does he have a later on

Number five, Buddy, the titular star of Air Bud was still able to shoot hoops after one of his legs was amputated. In addition to Airbud, the former stray was also in America's Funnies on videos of a house. This list, it's like you think that this is a good one, but also the dog later died. Well, the dog is always going to die at some point. You know, I'm sorry to be a Marley and me over here, but you know, it just happens. That's my list. I'm not going to get us all more sad. They took the leg.

It was liver failure. from drink, from strong drink. They made a mistake. Very brutal, very brutal stuff. All right, well, thanks for the fun fucking list, Jackie. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome.

That list was so harrowing. I think I'm going. Blind. Items. Oh, we can't see them. This permanent A-list singer slash actress said she would never perform live again, but she is in discussions to do a one-night-only special, which would be released as a movie.

Britt? No. Has she said she'd never perform again? Yeah. Well, maybe she will, but not according to this. Singer, a-list, singer-slash actor. Older, I would even say bigger deal. Madonna.

Older. Share. Older. No, you're lying. That, I don't know if it's older. But she's an old rag of a woman. And she's also an actress, an old. Old rag of a woman, an actress and a singer.

Yes. Prolific. Big deal. And it's not Madonna. Big deal. Big deal. Yes. Really?

Barbara Streisand. I wasn't sure if she was still alive. Is that bad of me? No. Her dogs are still alive, though. So many fucking people. So many people. Yeah, of course she's not going to perform again.

She's not? Yeah. Why not? Right? Oh, she's not even that old. She's fine. She was born in 1942. She's 81.

Born in World War II. I think that was a while ago, MJ. I'm fairly sure that was a bit. When's the bar? Why do we keep moving the bar? 80 is old. You know what? Jane Fonda is making it look young.

All right? Yeah, she is. She's an anomaly. And you look at the hands. And I implore you, look at the hands. Well, that's why you're supposed to put sunscreen on your hands holding. You're supposed to save your hands from sun. Okay.

80 is old. 80 is old. But it's not dead. I thought that she would be like, you know, fully, fully dead. Fully dead. But you could still be thriving at 81. Not just half dead like she currently is. I thought fully in the coffin dead.

She was born at a time. Hitler was still like in this mix. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. She was a lot. Napoleon was already out. Napoleon was out.

He was on his island. He was already gone. He was like, I'm an island in the sea. Yeah, you're still there to this day Sin in Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. Sing an island in the sea, which is the original word. Yeah, that's the sequel.

The squeakle. Squeakle! Barberstri's sand. What do you guys think about it, huh? Yeah, oh my God, she should keep performing. I say back to task. What have you been relaxing? Yeah.

You bitch? Get back to work. Get back into it. Vegas residency. I think she's allowed to retire. I think I say, I say, I say God bless it. She's got a book coming out too or came out.

That's why she's been making the rounds. She's been in the mix recently. I'm like Babs. A big tell-all, which didn't say very much. All right. This next one's a real fucking fuck face. Okay. Fire stata.

It's right. I have to burp. All right. It's a worldwide. I'm ready to, oh, fireball. Bambabababab bha bha bha bha bha bha. That's not how the song No, that's not a song.

Yeah, that was do a mortal combat. That's a song. Now, that's a fucking song you can hang your hat on, by the way, the mortal combat theme. All right, here we go. This has nothing to any of that. If there is an actor in Hollywood

who could use a therapist, it is this former A-list actor who is an Oscar winner nominee. I would say it's still A-list. The amount of things he does and gets into is overwhelming, and most of them are beyond the pay. Most of his fetishes are over the top.

One of his exes threatened to split with him unless he went to see a therapist. The relationship didn't last, but he acquired a new fetish. Breaking every kind of ethics rule, the therapist slept with our actor. They saw each other for a while and then they split. But our actor has been through dozens of female therapists over the past decade and switches whenever he gets turned down

or after he sleeps with them. He has literally gone through nearly every female therapist in the Los Angeles area. Wow, that's a man. Isn't there a movie about this? Why do I have a memory of a memory of a male? movie where the guy starts sleeping with... We watched for page seven where the guy starts sleeping with a therapist.

Holiday in handcuffs? No, but that's a good one. Oh, every one we watched that, that was fun. That was a good one. I'll ruminate on it. Is that cool intentions? Cool intentions? There's...

Oh, I could picture it. But anyway, we're talking about a... We're talking about an A-list actor. Who's sleeping with the therapist. Who's sleeping with every therapist up in here. Give us a hint. Holden, you got any hints? Oh, it's gonna be.

His body is a thing. Oh, John Mayer? His body is a Wonderland? No, what's the other thing his body might be? My body is a cage? Maybe. That's a big hint. That's the only hint you're good.

Arcade of fire? No. That's who's singing. the song. Yes. But what is the word? Nick Cage. Yes. Nick Cage is... I was like, why would Archadvire have anything to do with this?

Nicholas Cage, he's an archangel. There's so many hints you could have given for Nick Cage. That was a good one, though. He could have said something about his face coming on. You got it, though. Yeah, yeah, I did, you know, I did, you had to, like, you had to lead us there, you had to, like, I'm the horse. I'm the horse today, all right, you lead me to water. This is also kind of a celebrity conspiracy. I think I believe this one. Yeah, sure.

I think I believe that. I mean, if you're a therapist and Nick Cage is your client, you kind of just have to decide you're going to sleep with him. I mean, how many times if we watch the Sopranos, you know, that you watch and you're just like, oh, I just fuck him. You know, but, like, you're, I mean, he's a scary character, and I would feel, I think I would feel just. as scared about having sex with Tony Sopranos I would Nick Cage. Yeah. But I'd still have sex with both of them.

I, look. I can be a Gumar. Are you saying I can't be a Gumar? I feel like occupational faux poses is a hot taboo for fetishes, right? I always fantasized about the office sex experience, right? In fact, can we get more office

and less fucking stepmom Port-up? I love this plea. Yeah. Like, seriously. Can we get some? some adults fucking instead of mommy. I mean, I know it's insane that I'm saying this. But you know

it's bad if I'm saying it. Yes. Yeah. Because it's really it. It's that, it's just that barely illegal. It's stepdaughter's step-sister's stepmom. That's the whole algorithm. It's mad. The one I really can't deal with is the gynecologist sex porn scene. I'm like,

no, no. No. That's not, I don't think it's sexy. Ah! No. Nobody wants the zoo. And masseuse is fun, because that's, again, a taboo, you know what I mean? Kind of fun thing, right? Either way, too. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. But anyway, how do we get here? But anyways, Nick Cage is, oh, dude, I did I get here? Fetches. I mean, yeah, so anyways, I think it is kind of a, uh, even though I've never had this at all. I'm, I'm, yeah, I've very- John Stamos is in the movie I'm thinking about? Is there a movie where John Stamos

fucks a therapist? John Stamos, fuck's therapist? Let's type it in. John Stamos. I mean, I'd watch that tape. Hung up on this. I might just be making up a movie. You might be making up. Does it happen in the show you? Yeah, you?

Is it in you? Maybe. I think that this is what you're thinking of. He's the therapist in the show you. John Stamos. Yes. John Stamos is. That's it.

Wait, do you get to see John Stamos have sex if you continue watching the show you? I can't remember, but he's there. And he's... MJ, this is big. I think I got to find it. I think I might have just done a big spoiler for you. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't think.

Does anyone give a fuck about that show? Are we still protecting you from people? No, I think it's okay. Also, this happened in 2019, so if you don't know that John Stamos is playing you, is like playing a therapist and you by now, I don't know what does all. I don't even remember what happens except for everything I've just said. So thank you guys. He looks hot as shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. With the beard? Good Lord. Oh my, that is the different man that's Uncle Joey. Yeah, he got head. Nails down, scratch, down, back back.

I hope you feel it. I hope you feel it. He got hands in a theater. She was sucking his last four set was sucking his dick. It was out of the movie theater. He pulled out the rib. You know what I bet they were watching? Can I take a guess?

Airbud. Look who's talking. No, I'm going to go Adam Sandler's Waterboy. That's what I'm going to guess they were watching. Have you ever made love while watching? timing wasn't right. Timing wasn't right. It would have been

earlier. It would have been more like three men and a baby. Billy Madison, maybe, Billy Madison. It was an Adam Sandler movie for sure. You think it was an Adam Sandler movie. I think it was a movie

about men taking care of a baby. That would be so, could you imagine getting your dick sucked watching that, that's, you should be arrested. That's the Scott, you should be Pee-E-Hermand

if that's the situation. Is it Billy Madison? No, even that was a little too late. Well, too late. Wait, what year did the album? Okay, problem child. It's problem child would be It's problem trial.

Problem trial can make the most sense. No, no, no. I have it better. Spawn, the live action spawn movie. Okay. We got to figure out what movie they were watching. Because it came out. It came out in 95. So it could be Billy Madison.

The album came out in 95. Yeah. Oh, no, that means it would have been. That means their relationship probably ended in, what, 93, 92, 93. I think we're talking about a movie from 93 or earlier that they were. 90 to 93. When did they date? Yantle.

Oh, those. wonderful people. Three men and a baby is 1987, too early. We gotta be looking at movies from 1991 and 1992. Shit. Timeline.

1992, let's see. Let's see. Aladdin? They dated from 92 to 94. When did Aladdin come out? Oh, that came in 94. 92, I mean. Let's see.

Well, that's in the runnings. Yeah, yeah. A river runs through it. Ace Ventura came out in 1994, so maybe he was getting his dick suck during Ace Ventura. If anybody has any guesses of what movie, Dave Cooleyer, Atlanta's worst that we're watching, I'm going to go with Polly Shore in Son-in-Law. Oh, my God, I love Stephen Diler, PJs.

Steve, oh, I forgot to watch Sun-in-Law for Thanksgiving. Damn it. All right, it's either that or the Hulk Hogan Helmed to Mr. Nanny. Oh, yeah, that was a... You know what? a sleeper horny movie that would be wonderful for a dick-sucking. Grumpy old men. Oh, that is not a sleeper horny.

That's just full-on horn. Right? Oh, yeah. It could be Adam's Family Values. It could be Missed Alfire. Wow. 93. Killer year for...

So is 94, dude. Yeah, great year for movies. Yeah. Man. Oh, Groundhog Day. Groundhog Day. Groundhog Day. That'd be great.

It was Groundhog Day. Man, every time you saw him. like come back, you're just like, oh. Or, honestly, it could be a John Grisham surprise. We've got the firm and Pelican Brief, both in 93. Man, what is going on with the firm? We were talking about the firm the other night, and then my friend Julie was like,

you know what I watched last night? The firm. And I was like, is it good? Like, is it a hold up? It's like, it was great. Yeah, the firm's, you know, the firm was a big deal. These are big, this is a big deal. God, I want to know what fucking movie. She sucked his dick in. Joy Luck Club. There's so many good ones. Jurassic Park. Oh, my God. It was Joy Luck Club. Was it Joy Luck Club?

Or the fugitive. You already said the fugitive Jurassic Park. A lot of good choices. Cliffhanger. God, there's so many fucking good movies that came out in just 93 alone. Oh my God, 94. You know what came out? Holden.

What? Nell. Oh, my God. What if haytay in the wind? What if, like, as she haytayed in the wind, you are just blast in rope? Did I walk that terrible date night so that Cooley could run? run, man. He ran right through it. I will say, you know, a dick sucking in a movie can often happen from the movie being like really boring. Like if the movie is really exciting and fun to watch, then it might be a little less. You might not want to suck a dick during it. Yeah, you don't want to suck a dick. You're riveted. So Nell is actually probably the best candidate right now because all the other movies we, oh, I hope it was stay tuned. Oh my God. Man, we rewatch that recently. It is weird. The movies that we watched as kids were so. So weird.

weird and so many of them were so sad. It's right next to Cool World and Encino Man. We had so many weird options back in the day. So bizarre. And mom and dad save the world came also out in 1992. That one does not hold up.

No. That one is not good. All right, this last one's filed under Closet Surprise. It's a closet surprise. They're secretly gay. One's a gay horses eat Hey. It's a closet surprise. This former A-plus list

supermodel turned reality star. She says it only happened when she was drunk. That's right, Jackie. She's a lesbian. Tyra. Yeah, wow. Good job. That's so something she would say, too,

rather than just like, when I'm drunk. Of course. I only stoop to that level when I'm hideous. Like she made it just to just be a dick about it needlessly. Fucking hate her. What if it was the Flintstone starring John Goodman?

Dude, again, that actually is a good candidate because that's like not a good movie really. And it's boring. And Rick Moran is in it so you know I'd be all prime. It's not going to be Pulp Fiction. Right. It's going to be... It can't be... It can't be...

It can't be... It could be... It could happen to you. Bring it back to Nicholas Cage. Although that movie also holds up watched it not that long ago. You know, Rosie Perez is my everything. I just want to be her.

I just, I'm obsessed with Rosie Perez. This is also what I'm leaning towards. That's a young, that's an early relationship shenanigan, by the way, getting your dick sucked in a movie theater. So I'm thinking on the 92, 90, early 93 side

is probably a better guess than later 93. Was he already in full house? He was. That was like Pete Full House. Totally. I can't believe this. It's just upsetting every time I think about it. So here's my guess.

1992's singles. Do you remember singles? The like ultimate like grunge era. Yeah, it was kind of sexy. Oh, I remember the cover of singles. Yes. The soundtrack's amazing.

That seems like a hip. It's another Cameron Crow movie. That's why. That's like a hip couple outing movie. Right? They're not going to go see mom. Let's speak, come on. They're not going to go see mom and dad save the world.

They're going to see, they're not going to see Honey I blew up the kid. They're going to see, you know, something classy, something. So maybe that. Maybe my cousin Vinny. Yeah. Maybe, you know. Singles does look like the type of movie that Alanis Morissette would want to give a blowjob. Oh, yeah.

I want to give a blowjob during it. For sure. Bridget Fonda was really doing well during this time. Man, Bridget Fonda is up there for me. I love Bridget Fonda. Also, I'm glad it's in the runnings. Probably isn't the movie, but Babeae's kids did come out in 1992. God, I love Bebe's kids.

Babes kids. Maybe's kids. Oh, anyways, I can see again. Oh, welcome that. Write us in. If you have a theory on what movie you think, Dave Coleyer and Alanis Morissette saw in the theater. Who could have been single white female speaking of rigid fond of.

That is, you know, it's sexy in a spooky way. It's sexy spooky. And she went down on him, right? She sucked his dick, right? Not. I mean, we'll never really know. But she says in the song, I went down on you in a theater. In a theater.

Right. Okay, cool. I just want to clarify because I would change things a little bit. would have been so much better if he went down on her. But I think it was the 90s. Yeah, no one's getting their pussy. Oh, I think. Theater in the 90s.

Okay, I got to throw in my bid for another one. All right, one more. Batman returns. Oh, well, because it hits a slog. Because it's so great. And then it gets, and then it hits like an hour 20 in, it starts being like, okay. But the main ingredient, Michelle Pfeiffer is undeniably boner-inducing. So it's so.

sexual and then it hits a lull. Oh, whoa. So I'm, I think my bid is for that one right there. And it was kind of a must-see movie at the time. Yes. Oh, or less than the movie. Yeah. And it's very dark, you know, I feel like it's good to stay under the cover.

Right. It's very dark. The movie theater's very dark the whole time. Yeah, exactly. So you're really going to get a dick suck in pretty easily there. All right. Well, there you go. Welcome back.

We made it to the end of the show. Yeah. I'm so, I'm so proud of you, Holden, that you can see again. And I'm proud of you, M.J. for bringing the holiday spirit in when we need it most, because I could feel your presence with me as I started putting up the Christmas lights in my house, and I just need you to know that you were there with me.

You walked alongside me. You can count on me for the desperate, like, effort to feel happy during this time, I can bring it. Thank you. Thank you. We must look to MJ. MJ is our Batman right now. Wow.

And thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's episode of page seven. Oh my God, I hope your turkey day. I hope your bird wasn't as dry as my bird was. But I hope it is as juicy as the bird I'm going to make this week because I'm going to take a picture of it. I didn't even think about it. I'm going to squeeze into it. I'm going to go, look at that grease, everybody. So be on the lookout for that. I can't believe you're doing a revenge turkey. This is my week to shine. So thank you guys. Again, my name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram if you want to see that juicy ass bird. over on the Instagram at Jack That Worm.

Or if you want to see my frozen ice cream turkey as well, because Henry took the worst pictures of me ever while I held the turkey, and I was sad because I didn't look at the pictures. And then I had already eaten, the cake has already been cut into, so I couldn't take another picture. And for everybody, alert, alert.

Monday, December 18th, we are going to be watching live stream the Muppet Christmas Carol. You must come join us. We are going to be singing. to be over on Holden's Twitch stream. Holden. Holden.tv slash Holdenholdenholden.

Haldon man lives. Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.tv slash Holdenators ho. That is again, that is December 18th. That is Monday, December 18th. We are going to be getting drunk and singing Muppet Christmas Carol.

And I'm sure that we will bring this up again. So don't worry. Yeah, it's going to be a fucking blast. Join us for that. Also, yeah, Patreon.com. Ford slash page seven podcast. Got to hit that again and again. for $5 a month, you can get

weekly bonus content. Jackie's book readings, our leftovers recordings. Also, at the $10 layer, you can join us every Thursday for our jersey, sure, watch the only at Discord, patreon.com, forward slash page 7 podcast. Also, page 7 podcast at gmail.com, please send in your celebrity conspiracies.

They really, really help me keep this show as entertaining as possible. Elriga Iglesias rabbit hole was very fun this week. Thank you again, Britt. My name is MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. And thank you guys so much for joining us. We will be back next week. So much love to you.

I hope you make another turkey this week and I hope it's extra juicy. See you next week. Bye everybody. Bye everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.