Page 7 - Ep. 515: WWE But With Kissing

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

On this weeks Page 7 Jackie and MJ are burstin' with the spirit, but Holden's found his own personal hero AND enemy as Rocking Around the Christmas Tree hits #1 FOR THE FIRST TIME, The Daily Wire spews forth a giant wad of phlegm they call "Lady Ballers" AND Sean Hannity taps Jim Breuer for an equally awful "film", Jackie pushes for a WWE with kisses at the end, Catholic Rob Schneider now worried about making jokes, Jane Fonda doesn't like old skin (listen up you decrepit 21+ers) and there's a bit of a double standard, Jackie got to see Sumo Wrasslin' like a true 'merican, Page 7 reveals its approved fighting techniques, Kiss joins Hatsune Miku in the digital singularity so prepare for a cyberpunk future dictatorship lead by hologram Gene Simmons, and in Celeb Conspiracy Corner: Narrowing down the Coulier BJ filmic experience, Da List, SHOUTS AND MORE!! AND DON'T FORGET join Page 7 for a watchalong of The Muppet Christmas Carol over on Holden's Twitch on Monday, December 18th! and MOOOORE!!! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Did Brenda Lee just show up? Rocking around the Christmas tree and the Christmas party hop. Mesa dog where you can see ever go. But try and the rocking around the Christmas tree let the Christmas spirit ring. They will have some popcorn pie and we'll do so caroline. Just left me the door. I'm going to Mars in my fancy car. No.

And I'm going to be, yeah, so I could fart, fart, fart, fart. I'm Brenda Lee. I'm farting on Mars. I'm farting on Mars. Are you hate fart jokes? What did I say, Gumbo Jones? I don't, I, you know what? I wasn't listening to you.

Olden McNeely. Welcome to page seven, everybody. It's a Mars Christmas, everybody. Oh, what is? What is? Yeah, what is a Mars Christmas? Um, you can't breathe. You cut yourself, bleeding.

Cool. You know, all the lyrics to that song. Okay, great. So you're going to cut your life into pieces because it's your last resort. Last resort. Christmas actually would be a good. It's a last resort.

For a lot of people it's last resort Christmas. Of course, we know it's the highest time for... Don't know. We're not talking about this. I am Brenda Lee. I am the new queen of Christmas and you will not say it in front of me. Can you explain it, Jackie?

your Brenda Lee enthusiasm. Are you just feeling the, are you me? Are you feeling it? I am definitely feeling the season. I have purchased a, oh man, save up for those Christmas trees this year because they certainly ain't cheap out there. Just letting everybody know, we went to three different places. I was like, is this how much Christmas trees are now?

They're fucking price. Oh my God. Yeah, they're priced. But we did. We hunted down a Christmas tree. I got those Christmas lights up. We got it all. We've got our biblically accurate angel on the top of our tree.

So maybe I am feeling the Christmas spirit right now. MJ, I've got all the lights in the house, feeling really good. And you know what? I'm very, I am hashtag blast because I am one of the people that go over there, put it there. And Jeff just, he just puts everything up for me. And I don't have to do any of it. It's beautiful. So it's a really beautiful.

And I just go, yeah, that looks pretty. Yeah, you're doing it. a great job and you know and i'm a great cheerleader if there is one thing that i am um but also i am brenda lee because for the first time in 65 years rocking around the christmas tree has gone to number one on the hot 100 billboards list wow for the first time ever what uh yeah what what what propelled it was it in a movie or something uh i i'm not sure they like she even said she's like i don't know what's going on, but, you know, for many of these years, for at least 25 of these years, it has been all I want for Christmas is you at the top of the food chain.

Right. And so, of course, the question asked to Brendalie, which I love this, I don't know if you feel attacked right now, Holden, but she did write, we did it, Brendanators. Oh, my God. Her Instagram story, she did say we did it Brendanator. She's not Instagram. this bitch is 89 years old. Yeah, man.

She's killing it. And so she was ass like... I did the math wrong. She's 78. Whoa. Math wrong. Just so all my fans know, if you are a fan of Brindalee, you're fucking dead to me. If you call yourself a Brindonator, you're not allowed to car yourself a holdinator. And I don't know.

Why can't you share the platform with Brenda Lee? I don't know. Maybe go to Mars. Because I want you to... Far? You're heading to explode, like in total recall. Whoa. Yeah, you heard me.

Oh! When you Arnold scream. You're cutting on. your arm to spite your face here, and I think there's probably a lot of overlap between the brandonators and the hold of the holders. You know, but you bring up a good point. Fuck my face. I should cut off my arm after this. No. My face is annoying and it's my arm's fault, I think. What, he is stuck between a boulder or something? Come on, got his arm off. I appreciate the fact that she was, yeah, it was James Franco. We got lots of refs flying in here this morning. Well, he's canceled. But she was

asked how she felt about bumping Mariah. Carrie from the number one spot and actually asked, you know, do you think that you are the queen of Christmas now? And I appreciate she said, there's room for everybody. Her song's good, too. I love her singing. What a beautiful way. There's no animosity here just because she's been number two for such a long time.

She didn't expect to ever be number one. And finally, she's the oldest performer in history to top the hot 100. Wow. Speaking of your arm, despite your face, by the way. James Franco, classically in a filmic experience, cut off his foot. Whoa. And now I ask the question, is it time to welcome James Franco back into the public spot? Keep him out.

Keep him out there. I want to see him ruin another Academy Award ceremony with his hosting abilities. Man, that was the most borough-s-morrow award show I've ever seen. God, it made me so happy. Him and Anne Hathaway, right? It just makes me so happy because people think. I'm sure I've screened about this for. People think that they can like shortcut stuff.

Like, especially the very rich and executive businessy people. They're like, oh, anyone can be an MC. Just fucking throw pretty people up on stage. They'll do just as fine as the ugly man who came up with the jokes. She is charismatic and like I like her in interviews. She does good interviews. But like, man. That's not an MC.

That's not the same thing as being an MC. A master of the ceremony. What a, if he just had a. been such a creepozoid. Yeah. You know, there was a while where we were like, he's so beautiful, we'll watch him do anything. He's so talented, yes. I had him up there with, like, a Joaquin.

Yeah. He thought he could, like, he thought he could, like, go back to college like one did in an 80s movie. You know what I mean? He thought he would just, like, go back to college and just, like, be a dirtbag. Like, it was acceptably fine to do. Yeah, he was just being Rodney Dangerfield guys. Come on.

He's like, yeah, you crazy kids. And it was like, that's not out long anymore. Cool, dude. That's actually not a bad movie concept. Like, trying to do 80s shit, like 80s movie shit in modern day, like fish out of water. Every last thing is extremely frowned upon now. Yeah, it's like, I'm going to pretend to be a woman in order to like sneak into the locker room. You know what I mean?

It's like all that kind of shit. Like, yeah, everyone's just like, get, arrest this guy. Lock him. The story ends with this horny, weird guy just like in a pad. room just getting heavily medicated screaming to be freed. You know what I mean? It'd be great. Yeah, it's how I spend most of my Sundays.

Absolutely. Free me now. Send me to Mars, please. Well, it's weird that you crate yourself. You know what I mean? Honestly, I feel safer in there. Yeah. I think my world's smaller in there.

I've got my bed. That's really all I need. You throw me some snacks. If you're an anxious person, you're supposed to, and you're having a very hard time, you are supposed to remove yourself from a big, uncontained environment and put yourself at a smaller, safer environment. So sounds like the dog crate is working for you, Jackie.

Yeah, and by the way, that's today's sponsor, is actually a crate training program for adults. Join craters, crate training program for adults. They'll send you to Mars, where you'll learn how to... Get me in the crate. Actually, you know, it's weird that you brought up, like, these old 80s tropes. I don't know anything about this movie,

but I saw it in a weird headline. called Lady Ballers. It's this movie that just came out. A down on his luck former high school basketball coach will do anything to win, which in this case means leading his team of men to Don Wigs and brutally dominate in multiple women's sports. That movie just got made. So don't worry, they're still out there making movies from that they shouldn't be making anymore. Wow, they're really just putting on wigs. It is a right wing. It's like an explicitly right wing project from the Daily Wire. Yes, and so they're all, like, giving it all these, like, rotten tomatoes just like, yeah,

like they're trying to, like, get the score up and everything. Oh, my God, well, if you're going to bring that up, I have to bring up, there was an article underneath a different article, whatever the cracked article was that you sent, that I ended up glued on. It was the Rob Schneider article. Just underneath that. We'll talk about Rob in just a second, but underneath that article, oh, shit, it's a different one now. It was a whole thing about how, I think it's Sean Hannity came out with a Christmas movie. Speaking of saving Christmas, he came out with one, okay?

Or he's coming out with one. It's called like smell bells or something. I'm glad I'm getting the name wrong because I don't want people to actually be able to find it. And it's all about how this guy... Well, Hold it was really close. I just want to say the name of the movie is jingle smells. Jingle smells, okay, it's this guy under the guy... Oh, I hate...

Ooh. This guy... This is the premise of the film. It's so bad. And by the way, the trailer is so humorless, and I'm just so excited. about how bad this movie is going to be, but it's about this canceled superhero. The actor who plays this superhero

has got canceled. And I'm guessing it's probably because he said like Merry Christmas or something, right? Like, that's what they think people get canceled over, right? So he's canceled. So they discontinued all of those action figures that the kids want for Christmas.

And so this guy ends up getting a horde of the action figures and he goes around like Christmas Robin Hood, giving the children the action figure in the... With Jim. Jim Brewer. Oh, that's, that is, of course, Jim Brewer.

Oh, of course. Of course. It's a who's-hoo of douchebys. Of course. Cassie, who's-hoo of... Victoria Jackson. Yes. Wow.

I can't believe there are two movies about, like, two right-wing anti-woke movies coming out right now. I mean, why am I acting surprised? But yikes. It's a yikes from me, Doug. Yeah, it's, of course it is. By the way, and I didn't even know about this, too. It's coming out on Rumble, which is a...

essentially douchebag Netflix. Rumble is the weird, alt-right, like, streaming platform thing. What the fuck is happening? Also, Rumble sounds like a WULE where all the wrestlers kiss at the end, which I am here for. Totally. I want to, I'll get rid of Rumble right now. Of course you would say that, Jackie. It's very woke of you to assume that they're all going to kiss at the end.

I just want them to kiss at the end, all right? They fight and they fight and they kiss and they kiss. Here's actually, here's my observation. They're always like, oh, they're pushing this agenda with their movies. They're always pushing their agenda with their movies with like putting a female superhero in a movie. And then this, every movie that they try to make, the whole thing is an agenda. Oh, yeah. The whole plot is based on their agenda.

Like everything about it just from top to bottom is agenda. Agenda is just pushing this like, oh my God, the picture of the woman they got that's like, outraged about Christmas, too, on the cover is so... You know, Jim Brewer is still working. That's about all I can say. He is still a working actor. You thought that you got it enough over on, like, the Hallmark Channel. Honestly, it's like, it's like, that already beats us over the head with their agenda.

Agenda, yeah, because there's only two, right, guys, right? Agenda? That's, uh... Is that a gender joke? Yeah, it was an agenda joke. It was me be right. wing agenda joke because there's only two and that's what they would say in their agenda. No, but also the reason why jingle smells came up on the article that Holden was looking at,

this article says, new Catholic Rob Schneider doesn't know if he can still tell dirty jokes. And I just think it's funny when it's literally in this, in 2020, which is not that long ago, he was like still doing like whipping my dick out jokes. say, like his jokes were all like, the, like, the 2020 special called Asian Mama Mexican kids. Yeah, that's the problem. It wasn't. And so now that he's just like, how could I be dirty anymore is, I think just, it just kind of made me smile. And I'm just like, all right, you cannot do it.

Yeah, guys, I'm killing it today, man. I am just like, hilarious. You are, you doing great. Uh-oh, I say cucumber. Uh-oh, I say cucumber! I can't wait for that reality show. Also, has he ever met a Catholic person? They love dirty jokes.

Yeah, that was gotta say, since when is like saying, because even references just saying bad words, like, is that, aren't we past that at this point? Are we still so concerned about, like, the word shit? Like, is that even a real issue anymore? I feel like it's in pop music now. They just say fuck and shit, and that Olivia Rodriguez has that song coming on a Wednesday or whatever.

She's got that other, yeah, loads, loads, loads. All those songs off of guts. Loads, loads. I don't know how she got away with it because it's like not, that's kind of the same song. But, you know, govah. It is so funny. The conflation of dirty jokes with what he means, I think, to say is can I still do racist jokes? It really has nothing to do with what religion you are.

Totally. Yeah. So that's the problem too. Speaking of like this kind of thing with jingle smells is like, We lost him to like just weird, bad takes like a while ago. I will say that he's so funny. There's a musical number he does with Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler's latest special that was legitimately so fucking funny.

And it was about two astronauts 69ing each other. Ooh. Are you talking about Jim Brewer again? No, no, I'm talking about Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider. Yeah, yeah. No, no, Jim Brewer is just absolutely not funny at all anymore. Yeah.

Full stop. He peaked at Goat Boy. Don't get me wrong. I did think Goat Boy was very funny when I was young, but it's been a while. Oh, yeah. I was half-baked. I mean, that was the peak, the peak years. Yeah.

Yeah, you're right. He peaked at half-bake. We don't have to say he peaked at Goat Boy. He did produce some good things, but it's been a while. Yeah, man. Like stained. It's been a long while. Oh, my God.

Why are we constantly going back to that time period today, guys? It's like making me upset. Maybe we're like we want to go back to that time in our brains. When James Franco. could do no wrong. Yeah. As I've seen where the candles light your face.

I just want to go back in time, be like, don't go back to NYU, Franco. It'll be too much of a feeding ground for you. Uh, NYU, more like BYU. Bring them young guys. Bring them young over to Cher and Jane Fonda. Bring them young. I was trying to figure out why you were making a BYU.

You joke. Bring them Young. Like, Bring them Young. I see. Is that a longstanding joke about the Mormon University of BYU? Oh, I mean, yes.

I feel, I thought that that was like the number one joke about BYU is the fact that it's called Bring them Young. It's the only, yeah, the rest of it is just scary and confusing.

But, no, I'm talking about the fact that both Cher and Jane Fonda this week, both came out separately talking about how like, man, older ladies

If you ain't banging young You are doing it wrong You gotta be banging those youngs And Jane Fonda The reason why Jane Fonda says that you should bang young Is because that She doesn't like Old Skin

And I thought it was so funny Which I'm like I get it I think about Mary Barry's mouth Every time I think about bake off and just Scrummy I just think about their mouth Oh, her mouth. And they got, oh, they get really in that mouth.

You still think about Mary Barry? What about Prue? Prue's got great skin. Prue's got a better mouth than Mary Berry. And I feel that Mary Barry had more of like scrummy lips. And I don't mean that in a good way. Yeah. Like there's just something poochier about her lips.

And I was just like, I hate watching her say scrummy. Yeah, I mean, you know, if your nickname scrum lips, you need to get some fucking moisturizer, you know what I mean? Yeah, man. Put some scrum on it, man. She definitely, she was lighting those lips ablaze all her life, I think. A little too much time on the beach. Yep.

Not enough protection. You know what I mean? I'm talking about condoms. Oh, yeah. Which they should still be wearing, especially when you're banging them young. Well, it gets a little dark when she's like, no one over 20? Come on. You think to a person with 25-year-old,

yeah, 25-year-old man doesn't have good skin. The skin is already bad by 21. Like at least shares banging a 37-year-old. Like at least like, fine. That's a grown adult. That person knows how to do their taxes. But a 40-year difference. 40-year difference.

40 years is a lot. That's a lot. But that's one where we just cheer. Yes. And I love Jane Fonda. And I also think it's funny because if Sean Hannity was here, he would be like, imagine an 80-year-old man saying he doesn't like old skin about women.

Wouldn't that be sexist? And the answer is yes. But Jane Fonda's allowed to say it. I don't make the rules. I'm sorry. It's funny which she says it. It's not funny if somebody else said it. And Leonardo DiCaprio, yes, we mercilessly rib him for it, but he's constantly dating 20-year-old women.

He's not getting removed from his place of work. Unlike James Franco. I'm so glad. I was hoping today was going to be a champion James Franco day. I was like, maybe this is the day that we go down in history being pro-James Franco. I'm just saying, if you're like the hottest guy in America, Maybe don't go back to college. You know what I'm saying?

No, you're right. You're right. Especially in the 2010s. We had no politics around consent until about 2017. Okay. So I think that that was, he was, I'm not going to say he was a victim of his time, but he was a product of his time. You were to hear first.

I think, yep, James Franco is a victim. He is a victim of returning to college. They did say he is a victim. It's not the 80s anymore, man. You can't just, you know, go on a. We're talking about Sean Hannity and Jim Brewer. Isn't James Franco a victim is what I'm saying. I'm glad this was brought.

Oh, God, thank God for today. Oh, I thank God for today. Yes. All right. And by the way, if you have emails who would sit in, we have a new email address for specifically upset, complaining emails. And that is page...

Not page seven. Not page seven at gmail.com. Yeah, it's not page seven at gmail.com. And it's room and new. numerals for the number. Figure it out. Figure out. VII.

I said, I just told them to figure it out. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. VII, though. But you're really, but you got to make sure

everyone knows. You're being a real James Franco over here. Well, send me back to college. Oh my God. Put his arm and a older. I'd probably clean it up, I'd say, you know what I mean?

I'd probably have a little two step. I'd come in and be like, oh, look at my tit. I'd learn some tap dance or something. Can you imagine you trying to like even try. to seduce a woman that I'm going to end it there seduced women

before. We'll end it there. I've seduced. I've seduced. You're going to give a try. Let's give it a try. We're at the far in her 20s. No. Oh my God. Ew. God.

I don't like old skin. Get away from me. That's what immediately what I would say to you. Jane Fonda is so fucking funny. she said she doesn't have sex anymore because she doesn't want anyone. She was like, even in the dark, no one can see me naked, which is so funny. Yeah. Especially because she is, you know, certifiably the world's hottest 86-year-old woman.

Bro, 86. Can you imagine? I don't, she looks better now than I do. It is astonishing how beautiful she is. 86 years old. I'm so sorry that I thought Brenda Lee was 89. I don't know what I was thinking. She's a young 78. Yes. But she does. You always have to look at the hands. She has Ghalem hands.

And it just is what it is. But also I appreciate Jane Fonda is saying that she likes dudes in their 20s, but she does not go after them. She says, I disapprove of 86-year-old men with 20-year-old women, so I'm not going to repeat it. I can ogle them. And I can't pretend that I don't get turned on if I see a certain kind of person. But no, no, no, I don't want to force that on anybody. But also, it's like, I'm sure that there is at least, you know, you could find a 25-year-old that's going to bang Jane Fonda. Oh, yeah.

I want to sit down with her. I just feel like she wasn't thinking clearly when she said 20. It's like, come on, let's come up with a better number. She must have meant 30. Let's go with the better number for when skin, that makes me depressed about everything. Think about how old your 40-year-old skin is. Yeah, exactly. Can we come up with a better age for when the skin starts to turn?

I would say at least 26. Well, I'll tell you what I remember, I was at a show when I was 23 and all the other people in the show were 33. And boy, was I cocky about my youth. I didn't realize I was being cocky about my youth, but I was just like, 10 o'clock p.m. rehearsal, sure, no problem. Why is everyone complaining? Right. And now I'm like, I look back all the time on how annoying I must have been to the elders.

But the makeup artist for the show was like, very hilariously to me, was like, okay, listen, you're 23. The rest of them are 33. With you, we need to develop a skincare routine that is all about prevention. Prevention. And with them, with them, the old's. the skincare routine was all about recovery. Yes. So somewhere in between 23 and 33 is when you go from the whole potential,

everything at your fingertips to at 33, it's over. It's all downhill. And you are trying to just claw it back. That's so sad. When does Leo leave him? When does Leo leave? 27. Or 25, yeah.

You're right. Somewhere between 25 and 27. Yeah, it starts to turn around 25. He's done the research. By 27, 28. you need to get out of there, dude, because you're going to start banging some grumper skin. You know what I mean?

It's going to be disgusting. I personally think that the line is 30 for everything, from hangover recovery, from, you know, skin, from, like, whatever, everything, you feel young through your 20s. And then immediately in your 30s, you feel old. So what happens in your 40s then? What happens, Holden?

People feel great again, is what they say. Yeah, I've made Holden great again. And, uh, I'm really excited I'm really excited to watch Jingle Smells Clearly I've been defending James Franco for the last 20 minutes

You certainly have. That's a good tell. As soon as you start to, yeah when you turn 40 you start defending James Franco It's awful. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, it's really bad. I'm watching just like news all day.

Oh no. I think you go into like a sexual renaissance, don't you? When I was 23, all the 33 year old women We're telling me about how good all the sex is in your 30s. But, you know, a lot of people kind of settle down and have kids in their 30s and that that is not always a sexual romp. I will say as someone that doesn't have kids in their 30s, we have a great time. Mom, stop listening. And we are making an effort.

Rock it around. Oh, no gris. I'm a tree. Yeah, it's just Jeff, but he's just covered in tinsel. I just throw tinsel all over him. I'm like, shake you for me like a tree. Shake it for me like a tree. And I will say for us, we appreciate our monthly genital matriculation.

Ah, good. You touch genitals. You touch fronts. Touch fronts. We calendar it. Smell the back. Yeah. And then we give it a good old attack.

We attack each other until someone comes. Again, the rumble. I'm saying if it could just be WWE but with kissing. Yeah, I think 40, it's like if you thought you were comfortable not giving a fuck about missing out on stuff. I mean, a full abandonment of FOMO, an absolute abandoned homo. You know what I mean? Oh, you're telling me that you did not miss out on Jackie going to the sumo wrestling events?

I was literally about to bring up the sumo wrestling. For two seconds, I was like, oh, man, that would have been cool. And then I was like, oh, hell yeah. I was so happy to stay in on Saturday. I didn't want to go anywhere. I played out at Wake 2 all night and drank beer and hung out with my fam. But it looked like fun, man. Man, I saw my first sumo wrestling match, and it was unbelievable.

We had so much fun. But then I said this, as I drunkenly talked to the bartender, as I went for another drink, I was just like, it's just crazy. Because I feel like we shouldn't be screaming like we're at the WWE, but all of us were just like, yeah, get him! And then like there was this one dude named Big Papa, he was over 400 pounds, and he would just come in and just fucking put you to the ground. It was just, and Jeff, because Jeff has like a ridiculous knowledge of so many vastly different topics that before we went, I was like, Jeff, tell me about Sumo. And he just told me everything that he knew about Sumo and just like, you know, the respect and everything that goes into it and how rigorously they work and what the schedule is. And it's like hard for them to like even have families and stuff on the outside because it's so like their life is Sumo. And I really felt nothing makes me feel more American than literally just like sushi falling out of my mouth just being like get up on him in the ground

Which we all went crazy Yeah, and there was just like all these like big like drum like drum line things go in and it was just so Interesting and it was great because we were there with our friend Cosmo who is so good at Talking to people and she like in an intermission She was like, let's go talk to the MC. She's like, he's this, like, well-known sumo wrestler. And Cosmo's Japanese, so she's like, I remember him from when I was a kid. So she immediately, she's like, let's go talk to him.

And we just, like, walk up on stage and we took a picture with this dude who didn't give a shit about us at all. But it was just so, like, such a cool thing to watch. Like, I don't know. It just felt like something that I shouldn't be. We were in an airport hangar. Oh, cool. So it was like just to this like huge area. It was just such a very specific, like it was an Instagram targeted ad.

Yes. It did. And it was, it screamed of Instagram targeted ad. But you know what? That ad fucking worked. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I always enjoy really all forms of martial arts and wrestling because it usually

involves men hugging each other. I love how I love when they lean on each other. It's so nice. And the sumo just involved so much hugging and leaning. Oh, yeah. And pulling at the like, yeah, and they're just like grabbing at each other's butts and there's so much butt. And they all had such good butts. They were just so strong.

Just like the way they just would put them in the ground. I'm like, I can't even imagine. And like, but what was cool is they also like explain the different moves and like how you do it and what you don't do. And like, so it really was for a dumb American audience, which I appreciated because I'm a dumb American. So I appreciated them, like, really explaining the entire situation. Yeah, I think it's great. My brother does BJJ and so Zelda actually... Blow jobs Jackie.

I don't think he does. I don't think he jobs. Bro job Jackie. Yeah. I thought we got the root of Jaze. I haven't heard that name in a long time. Unbelievable. But no, it's called...

It stands for Brazilian jiu-jitsu. So I actually took Zelle. to a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class that she tried. And now, whatever, now he came over over the weekend and the kids wanted to learn a bunch of wrestling moves. And, you know, I think it's cool to teach a four-year-old how to

throw a grown man over her back and onto the... Yes. I wish I better knew how to grapple. Yeah. Personally, just get you out of a pinch. You know what mean? Did you and Avery grapple a lot as children? Oh, yeah. But not, I didn't like learn any, like, actual techniques. I mean, what I would do is just, uh, I would

drop to the floor immediately. I would grab the... Play dead. I would go straight for the ankles. I would topple the giant. Drop to the floor, topple the giant. He was so much bigger than me. It still is.

And so I would drop to the floor, grab the ankles, get him to the ground, get him in the chokehold, and then I had no plan after that, and then he would do a reverse it somehow, and then I would just be just smothered usually, just covered in another mass. You took it farther than me.

Mine was dropped to the floor, cover my head, and then just turtle up. Well, this is another good technique. It didn't really work at my brother, because you only really can do it, like, once a person. But immediately what I would do if I started wrestling somebody, I would just start screaming, my glasses, my glasses. Oh, yes. Oh, shit, oh shit.

And they'd like back up and then I just fucking start swinging. Man, remember when your glasses were broken in half for like two and a half years? I can't believe I, yeah, I let them be broken for so long. And I remember we'd be doing murder fist rehearsals. And you'd be like, be careful, be careful. Because they were so carefully positioned on your face. because they were literally taped together. That was back when like you just, you lived with problems because solving them would be too, like,

that was back when glasses were, like, it was, what, $300 to get, or it may as well, but whatever it was, it was way more money than I ever could afford. Yeah. The kind of thing, yeah. It definitely, but also it was a mixture of that and like, we just let problems ride. Totally. You know, because it's just like. Couldn't take care of them. Gideon's glasses broke the week of our wedding.

And similarly, it was like. like, well, we're not going to fix this. So he just wore like old, out-of-date glasses to our wedding. They don't should have spent. For the wedding? Oh, yeah. He could have just, he could have just gone to a place. I mean, like, Warby Parker or whatever.

It really isn't that expensive. Yeah, but remember when a hundred bucks, when you're like, I don't fucking get out. Yeah. I don't have that. Another beautiful part about as you get older is that things like, that's like, $100 is different now than it was. Not that it's not still a lot of money, but like when you're 23, it may as well be $100 million.

$100 is a manageable amount. For a decade, I did not get what I call my teeth, which is my night guard because all my anxiety comes out in my teeth at night, grind my teeth. I have ground my teeth for decades. And for an entire decade, I did not get the $600 thing that would save my teeth because it was $600. And I was like, well, send me to the moon, you know, send me to Mars. Send me to the Mars. But now I have it. And it turns out it is great waking up not having.

having a painful face every single thing. Doesn't it bother you? Because I just started sleeping. A TikTok has, like, encouraged me now that I've got my snail mucin, and they put on my snail mucin, and then I've been putting on these silicone pads on my face. Do you think, honestly, though, don't. Well, not frownies. If you just get the silicone, like, reusable ones, it's actually a lot cheaper, and you put on your

serums, and then you put on the things that, like, kind of press your face down, like it got your whole face case? Do you think it's possible, Jackie? Just possible. I want, I need to use. Do you think it's possible that there's... My youth is coming back. That there's a group of people in an office on like the top floor of a giant building somewhere

laughing at you all for... I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm a witty baby. Sorry, did you not notice it? I am a baby now? And getting you guys to put snail goo on your face? Yeah, man. And just going like, I can't believe...

All right, what's next? What should we do? Look at how doing my skin is. Do you see this? Do you see how glowing I am? Well, tell them penguin come. makes them 25 again. This is the thing.

I don't want to believe it, but then when you do meet someone who does do all the snail piss on their face, Jackie's skin is amazing. So it's like, we do have to listen to her, unfortunately. You got to listen to me.

And mine's a bit briny, huh? Mine's a bit of a sea shanty shade. But I do have to keep the silicone pads like next to the bed because like I don't want to go to bed right after having put on my crams and then have my face all taped up. Because then how is,

how am I ever going to get kissed? ever again. You know, I'm going to tell Jeff to go back to school. I was like, if you want to kiss me, you're going to have to go back to school and learn atticus. A taped face old. That's the worst thing you could do, Jackie. We learned nothing from James Frank. Don't send him back to school. No, he's going to know. He's going to know this. He's going to think that I'm in college because my skin is so tight. Yeah. There's going to be a bunch of, you know, very extremely groomable women all around him all day. You know what? Jeff's so charming.

And he's so grimy. Yeah, he's so charming. I've seen him groom a lady or two at his day. Yeah, he brushes my hair every night. That's how he grooms me. He doesn't brush my hair every night. I'm a curly girl. You can't brush your hair every day.

No. He literally tells her the gaslight is like not working when it has plenty of gas. Like he literally gaslights her from the movie. And then I'm starting to get like all like weird in the head. But like it's kind of fun. It's like forever drugs. You know what I mean? Crazy. You're really crazy girl. You're crazy girl. There's a lot of crazy things happening now. Like, um, Kiss. Like what Kiss is doing on stage. This, I- Talk about Forever Young. Man. Don't give in, won't give up, Kiss. If you were to ask me who would be the first to join the singularity in our dystopian AI future, I would not have guessed the man Kiss. But it weirdly works. James gave it away. You know, I just feel like there's something about Kiss that like turning them into like in here.

human robots because they, the story is they have turned themselves into avatars. And they will continue, their last show allegedly is over. They will not tour anymore, but now they're going to be touring in the form of their avatars. Avatars. I'm not trying to say anything negative about band-kiss. Holograms, we should say. Holograms.

Yeah. But I just, doesn't it seem like that is a band that you can kind of plug into a robot form? And it just make, it just kind of makes sense to me. But also it's not like they haven't been lip syncing for many years. You really think that they're up there singing the songs? They're already holograms. So may as well let them make money while they're old and at home, I guess. But like I watched the trailer.

I watched, we're all supposed to be so excited about this. Like literally what is the difference? Why would I do this? Why would I not just watch, if I'm a big kiss fan, why would I not just watch a video of them? Watch old YouTube. Yes. A video of them performing life.

Going to the stadium with a bunch of people. Have you heard of Hatsune Miku, M.J. I have not. Hatsunemiku may be a little stronger of a case for her because she's all digital all the time. She's everything about her is like artificial. Even her voice is like created from a computer program. But she does full hologram. She's been doing hologram shows for audiences.

Have you looked this up? No, I'm sorry. I'm just reading the comments under this article are all just like they're just, you can keep your clot shots and your fake show. You know, things like, it's all about like, oh, well, hope everybody's vaccinated since you have to have people vaccinated. It's like, get over it, guys. Yes, they required everyone to vaccinate before the show. You know why?

Because I'm sure a bunch of elderly or at least, like, I'm sure many aged people are going to these shows. And they were trying to protect people. You idiots. The dictator says, once the. The novelty is over. This would go over like a pregnant pole vaults with a cracked stick. What are these people from the 20s?

What are we selling steak oil in the comments? What kind of nonsense is this? This is ridiculous. They really are. This is where the weird old people is like my parents in this fucking chat. Good riddance, a bunch of blow hods playing bubble gum music.

What's next? An avatar for a president? Oh yeah, we already have that. Whoa. Wow, some of these are pretty good singers. pregnant person with a broken stick. pregnant pole walter with a broken stick is good. That's great.

That's great. It's like a fucking Dr. Seuss song. It's like out of Bridges Stokey's dog. You're going on like a pregnant pole vault. With the crack stick. It's like, but I mean, I know, don't get me wrong. I'm very afraid of it. I am like, I am so scared of this.

But this doesn't scare me because the choices are Kiss is not on tour or like a video of Kiss is on tour, right? So it doesn't really seem like a loss for artists per se. It's a win for Kiss. I think it's right. After everything with Sag After and everything that's like that has gone through with like trying to negotiate about how AI is going to take over all of us. Oh yes. I'm scared of that. Mixed with this. I'm just like I am not the person of like oh God everything's going to be a hologram I guess. It's like I know that that's not the case. But there's just I'm just I'm just I'm just. I'm just so scared of AI and robots. I'm so nice to my Google home. I'm so nice to my little, my little eye robot that goes around and cleans my floor. I say thank you. Oh, yes. We always say thank you, Roomba.

We owe every time I say like, Google, turn on the lights. I always say please. And I hope that Google hears me saying please because I'm trying to be as nice to the robots as I can. And I know like Justine Bateman was very. outspoken about the sag after deal to be like, because I know that like the writers contract basically defined a writer as a human being. And same with the directors guild defined a director as a human being. But I think the sag after a contract ultimately fell a little bit short of where the writer's contract did in terms of I. They're still voting. There's still

votes going on. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So and I know that Josie Baitman was saying like, you know, if we don't define an actor as a human being, like this contract has a lot of wins in it. But like, the erosion, going from the kind of, you know, the background actors in the bleachers at a high school gym scene being like animatronic short-circuited robots of AI is one thing, but then it's going to be a slippery slope and it's going to fuck a bunch of background actors working all of that. And so I know that it's just, there's something about this, like a band that is literally would otherwise just be done. I just don't understand. This is where I, this is where I, feel like an old person because I'm just like, what is it? Is it, do they just make a video and then play the holograms? Or is it generating new? Like what? I don't, I actually, I watched this video so many times, a new beginning, you know, advert, a new era begins of kiss. And I'm like, I don't actually, they're just wearing these funny suits. They're standing in front of Green Street and they're playing. What is happening here? What, if I buy a ticket to this show, what am I?

seeing? Am I seeing something that already happened? Am I seeing just a computer generating a kiss performance? Here's Hatsune Miku live performance. This is kind of what you're going to be looking at. Okay. All right. Putting in chat. Just click on that. Look at that. And you'll kind of get a sense. It is a moving hologram. It looks like 3D. It looks real. And there's a, you know, crowded people loving it. Absolutely loving it. Moving around on stage. Kind of freely, you know what I mean? See, it's like a full hologram. They're like surrounding it, right?

And there's like a band backing it. She's so big and scary. What is she, what happens when she turns? And she starts going after everybody in the audience. I feel so old. My God. What is happening here? Is this in spite?

Also, by the way, for everyone, if you want to look at the exact video that we're looking at, it's called World is Mine, Hatsune, H-A-T-S-U-N-E, M-K-U-U-E, M-I-K-U. When you say she's an avatar, is this completely AI-generated? Is this a person's created avatar that is coming? I don't know how they do the hologram technology, but obviously they're creating an effect where it looks like a three-dimensional person on a stage,

even though there's no one actually on stage. I know we shouldn't be scared because we just have to, like, open up and give in. How do we have to do that? It's just the idea of having to open up and give in that makes me scared. You know? But again, if the singularity happens, I'm in.

Like, I'm not going to go against it. I'm in, I'm not going to fight. Take me. Take me, you go ahead. Take my body. Take my soul. You're not break my soul. I mean, this, I think, is really cool.

But again, that's kind of the kiss thing, too. It's like making the impossible possible. Like, this is a fully rendered, like, anime girl on it. That looks like she is actually physically standing, dancing and singing on a stage. I mean, it's impressive, right? Yeah, it's cool. The band is all human beings.

Like, it still employs all the people that work on the shows. And the crowd is there loving it. So I think a big part of it you're forgetting is like the concert experience in general is like everybody just wants to be able to get together and like enjoy kiss. Will it be the same as seeing the actual human being band

on the stage? No, of course not. Right. But, you know, at the end of the day. Would you go to a hologram era's tour, for example? Sure. Oh, absolutely. Like, but that was great.

Like, I loved just the part where I went to a movie theater and got to experience the show with, like, a group of people. That was so great. We have to go see Renaissance, too. We've got to go see it. We've got to go see it. It's time of the celebrity conspiracy, it looks like, but yeah, I guess we, man, a lot of Taylor talk in the leftovers today. There's several articles. We're shelving our Taylor conversation for the leftovers.

Go check it out to Patreon.com slash page something podcast. And not to say, also, some of that is at the Renaissance premiere is why I brought up Taylor in the face of Beyonce, but I love how they're supporting each. They're supporting each other. She, like, dropped everything, got to look. Because everyone was like, oh, my God, TAY didn't go to the U.S. Premier of Renaissance. But it's like she was in the middle of doing other things.

And then she dropped everything and she went to the London premiere. Yeah, do moi. Whoa, we'll talk about it on the leftovers, Holden. I can't believe we can't talk about Mariska Hagerte's cat. This is like my peak content. I finally understand why they're friends. I was always like, why is Mariska Hageret in the bad blood video? and now I know.

And also, I'm so excited to talk in the left owners about the baby back ribs guy's funeral, which is hidden inside of the Boys to Men article you said. Yes. The guy who came up with the baby back rib jingle for Chili's had the most hilarious baby back rib-themed funeral. Yeah, I'm really happy. I'm not really happy. We will get into that. I love what I find.

This is my crowning achievement. Now you can see why I shared the article. I started reading it and I was like, okay, all right. And then just the whole, everything about it. The funeral is so funny. I'm actually very charmed by this boys to men ad. You know that I don't like to be charmed by a commercial. But it is a boys to men ad for Chili's,

and I think that they fucking killed it. It really made me smile. Yeah, they do. Who am I? It's very funny to think that people would think it was them that originally did it. And then they do their version of the baby back rib, uh, uh, jingle. And you can hear more about that over on the leftovers. Because we've got a celebrity conspiracy theory to get to.

Hit me with the share. Do you believe? I believe it. Narrowing down the Cooley A. BJ filmic experience. I saw the headline, the subject line of this email, because I can't look at any, I never looked at the celebrity conspiracy theories, but all I thought it was just like, my love and my heart, I believe it was Book Thief, right? Like, my love and my heart goes out to you for doing the real work here.

Thank you. This is from Book Thief, from our Twitch chat. I appreciate this so much. We're getting down to brass tacks on exactly what email. If you didn't hear last episode, of course, we all know, Alanis Morissette, gave Dave Cullier of full house fame a dick sucking in a movie theater. She sings about it in her song. It has been verified that that song is about him. And then we realized, hey, we could maybe try to figure out what movie were they watching?

We know when they dated. We could try to narrow it down. So here we go. Book Thief does the legwork for us. Hey, y'all, I've been doing some research trying to figure out the exact dates of Dave Cullier and Alanis Morissette dated to help narrow down what movie he got his dick sucked off to. According to a Bay Today article, which quotes him directly,

Dave Met Alanis quote at the 1992 NHL All-Star Game in Montreal where she was performing the national anthem and he was playing in a celebrity hockey game. The relationship lasted a little over a year. Unfortunately, this is when it gets tricky, the details of that meeting are impossible. While in 1992, NHL All-Star game did take place on January 18th, 192, it took place in Philadelphia, not Montreal,

and there is no mention of David tending that game. However, thanks to a free trial on newspapers.com, I think I figured it out. They literally link a like micro-fiche PDF, essentially, like this fucking obscure newsman. Oh, my God. Imagine, like, you know, in 90s movies when people are trying to figure out a story and they go to the library and they put the micro-fiche thing in and it's the whole

montage picturing book thief doing this. So good. Well, the 1992, yeah, it's like the movie seven, but it's fucking trying to figure out a movie blurch. Yes. There you. Well, the 1992 NHL All-Star game took place in Philadelphia. The 1993 NHL All-Star game took place in Montreal and in attendance playing a celebrity hockey game, one day of Culee. Whoa. There is no mention of Atlanta's performing the national anthem at this occasion. Okay. What is going on?

Right? A singer named Rosh Voizine apparently fucked up the U.S. anthem the day before. Fuck off, Rosh. Alanis was known to sing national anthems at Canadian hockey games, however. She grew up near the Civic Center in Ottawa and sang the anthem before their local junior hockey games. There's a video of her singing at the Ottawa Senator's first game on October 8, 1992, shortly before her first album release.

I was supposed to see the band. The band is called The Senators? No, no, no, yeah, the team, the Ottawa Senators. Yeah, the Ottawa Senators. Boring. Very Canadian. Unless the Senator means something else that I don't know. Is it like really like a very fun, like monkey?

Yeah, I think it's just boring. Okay. Alloticians in a room. Okay. So her first album released only in Canada came out. So it's not the big one. It's not Jagged Little Pill. Where they played against the Montreal Canadiens.

Really? Canada. That's, yeah. That's bad. Team names in Canada. What's going on, guys? The Canadian. versus the senators.

This is like your thing. You guys love hockey. The Cincinnati Americans is idiot. You know what I mean? That's like the one to one there. Anyways, from what I can find, Dave did not attend that game. So while there is no mention of her performing at the 1993 NHL All-Star game is within reason that a Canadian singer with a recent album and a history with the NHL

and Canada would do so. I think it most likely that Dave messed up the year at their meeting and not the circumstances. Therefore, it is most likely they met at the NHL All-Star Games. game that occurred on February 6, 1993 in Montreal. Atlanta says she wrote you ought to know in October or November of 1993. And the demo was recorded on November 28, 1994. So if we're looking at a hard timeline for their relationship, it started February 6, 1993, and ended before November 28, 1994, though we can probably safely say it was over

before October 1994. That lines up with the fact that Dave says they dated for, quote, a little over a year, while other sources say it was two years. Some of the top movies released during that time. Jurassic Park, Mrs. Doubtfire, the fugitive, Shindler's List, the firm, indecent proposal, cliffhanger, sleepless in Seattle, Philadelphia. Indecent proposal would be a great one. And that is, wow, good eagle eye, guys,

because that's what Book Thief points to. Yes. There's also... Sexiest movie on the list for us. For more foundation, there's the Pelican Brief, the Lion King, Forrest Gump, True Lies, the Mask, Speed, the Flintstones, four weddings and a funeral,

and clear and present danger. I like to think Dave got horny during Schindler's list, but it was probably during Indecent Proposal. Yes. I spend way too much time researching this, so maybe Holden can use it as a celebrity conspiracy or something, book thieves signing off, hugs and kisses,

and Christmas shoe wishes. Wow. Yes. Slow clap for those. I'm giving you a round of applause. Yes. Amazing. So yeah, I think we can probably,

I'm going to say, I think we could safely look at indecent proposal. I think so. I would say so. I need to just highlight something here, which is it sounds like if she said, if they met early in 1993 and she wrote the song in late 1993 or mid to late 1993, I just want to give, it makes me even happier to know that if she like wrote this song about like, you know, exquisite heartbreak over somebody even after just like a few months of being with them, because you know how sometimes you like, you nurse a heartbreak for a really

long time over a relationship that was really not that long. And you feel like it's, right. I've never. You know how it's like kind of embarrassing to be like, I still kind of hold a candle for that person who I really only saw for like eight weeks. Yes. Like that just makes her, that just makes the song even better. It's like way better if that song was after a six month fling than a two year relationship. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think we've all kind of been there. I've definitely obsessed harder over something that just didn't quite work out. that seemed so promising. Oh, yes. It's the promise of it.

It's the promise of it. It's what it could have been. Yes. But also, too, she was a nobody when they got together and he was Dave Coleyer. Right.

You know, he was, so. Are you trying to say that he's on the nobody scale? Yeah, you try to say he's better than Alanis Morissette? In 1993, before Jagged Little Pill came out,

yeah, he was a way fucking bigger deal and had way more. So it's also that older celebrity person that you dated for a little while that you got really excited about because now all of a sudden you're going

to like Beach Boys concerts. Oh yeah. Everyone loves going to Beach Boys concerts. You're getting puppet work done for you and... What? You know what I mean? Yeah, do you think that he used the beaver puppet in the bedroom? It's a woodchuck, Jackie. It's a woodchuck, Jackie. I'm falling in him a beaver.

Jackie, cut it out. Because he puts his head inside of the beaver. Cut it out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a beaver. I know it's a one. I know that's the whole bit. But I think about that puppet too often, is all I'm saying.

All right. And I think about it at night. If you know what I mean, I'm like, what? Your face all taped up. You're like, I like, take the baby. Are we talking to Fire Martial Bill right now? Good God. There you go.

There's some references that you won't understand half of our audience, MicroFiche and Fire Marshal Bill from your blood. Living Color and Dave Coleyer from Full House. It's a real who's who this week. Yeah, it is. Modern pop culture.

Well, it was a decent proposal. I think that we put the, I think we can close the book on this. Yeah, I'm closing the book. And I'm throwing the book at you, MJ. That's right. You're under arrest. No, don't put them under arrest. That's right.

Throw the book at Jackie and see so she can check if there's any lists in the book. Oh, my God. You're a crook, Captain Hook, and I've got to throw the book. book at the pirate. Oh, who's on the list? Me! Can I have that list. Get that list.

Ooh, wow. Holden really lost it there. Have a bunch of lists. Bizarre jobs that only exist in the orbit of celebrity. We've heard, man, I always love thinking about the fact that Snoop Dogg, when he used to have his own, I don't know, maybe he still does, employing. a professional blunt roller for himself so that he does not have to roll the blunts himself.

What a cool job. There's a lot of these kind of weird fun jobs on this list. Like in the new season of Fargo, John Hamm's character sports two pierced nipples, a body modification the actor does not have in real life. This required the employment of a nipple

ologist, a professional man-titty sculptor who did a fine job. Man, this is a fresh list. We've got some real modern, yeah, the new season of far. I'm excited to check out. Also, going back to the blunt roller thing, I've always fantasized about if I got really rich,

I'd hire a Rubik's Cube scrambler that just scrambles them for me all day and then hands it to me and I solve them. But isn't part of your like therapy with the cube? Scambling, yeah. Is the scrambling part? That's what's kind of nice about it. It's like creating chaos or order

depending on how I feel. You love that cube life, doesn't mean? How I feel in the meeting I'm in because it's usually during meetings or whatever that I'm scrambling cubes. I'm just saying, listen, guys, If page seven doesn't work out, I'm going to go be John Ham's nipple wrangler. I would love that job.

Yeah. Oh, MJ, you know, they became a nippleologist. And we'll say that about you at the top of every page seven. Yeah, I left my entire life to become John Hams nipelologist. Well, I'm certainly not going to leave my life to do this. One of Oprah Winfrey's many causes is encouraging women to wear the correct sized bras, something which, at one point at least, led to her traveling with a designated bra handler to ensure she was always well catered for.

I just imagine someone walking around with like their hands on your chits being like, oh, ma'am, you're going to need a bigger bra! You're going to need a bigger bra! And I guess I'd listen if that was my bra handler. I feel like I hear a lot. There's a lot of bra talk in my household, so I totally get this. It is a whole science. What's the talk?

That is a science. I don't think John Ham's nipples are a real science, but finding a right bra, it really is a science. wearing the right bra that fits and doesn't cause pain or issues. It's a nightmare. It's incredibly expensive. They are torture devices. Especially when you're, yeah, when you're touched, when you're blessed. Speaking of a well-endowed woman, too.

Speaking of sculpting titties, what about sculpting hogs? The great unwashed have their penises and that's it. But big stars get to have their own hand-crafted ones sculpted to perfection for showing on screen. S-Fx legend Matthew Mungle. Mungle has shaped dogs for Chris Hemsworth, Sebastian Stan, and Will Farrell. Get ready to get Mungle. Why is Jason Derrillo on this list? He needed a hog sculptor for cats.

Maybe Mungle didn't make his mungle. Mungle didn't make his dungle. It's a different dungle for a different bungle. Well, this is something that maybe you might get use out of. Ludacris is entering the family Christmas movie period of his career, but in his peak rap days he traveled with an entourage so deep. One was there just to make sure Luda's Game Boy never ran out of batteries. Oh, that's cute.

It's fucking awesome. Which also means it's before the Nintendo DS, which was ran on a charger. So, man, we're talking old school, you know? Old school. And what, it's about four AAs for that puppy, for that, probably if it's like a Game Boy Advance or Game Color. It tracks. The time in my life that I knew the most about Ludacris was also the time in my life

that I had a Game Boy Color. Those are the days, man. Game Boy. I frequently think about my Game Boy color and how I would play it if I had it. It's like the Switch is too much. It's too fancy for me. Give me the Game Boy Color. Or a DS, man.

That flip, that like little, oh, my DS. That was when I got back into video games. I got a Nintendo 3DS was my first, like, kind of console in that Zelda game. Is that the one that you used to yell out of order? Yeah, I had a game that you had to scream into the microphone. Objection! Objection! Oh, oh, well, that's Phoenix right.

And then there was a different game or to do special moves you get, yeah, yeah, but yeah, you hold up and I just remember watching him screaming at, and then like all of us have to be quiet so he'd go, objection. It's like the yellies, Jackie. Remember the toy, the yellies?

Oh, God. The upbraid on children's yelling. My personal never forget. I guess that's my Roman Empire is the Yellies. Yeah. He's thinking about Yellies. Oh, my God. And just dreaming about yellies

where you just go, I don't know if you guys remember, but they were these scream-powered toys for kids that came out like, I don't know what, five years ago, where you just go like, and they like skitter around the floor. Why are men so annoying? Roman Empire? We don't got something better to fucking ponder.

We got to think about the Roman Empire. Well, you just hate history. And men. Yeah. That's fair. And what normal men thinks is I'm gearing up for the holidays now. So now I have to prepare myself to be around men. Regular men.

And then feel so weird because I don't really care that much about sporting things. Or the Roman Empire. Or would. So what do you do? Do you like open up a beer and go, yeah? I just sit and I let them. I'll tell you what. You talk like three octaves deeper when you're around your wife's family. No, he sits in the corner in cubes like a 12 year old boy.

Yeah, a cue. Exactly. Men also, though, will just talk. They'll just talk. You don't have to talk. You don't have to talk. And they won't notice. They sure won't.

Don't worry. They won't notice. You just don't talk. And then you just wait for it to be over. You know, or maybe see if they lob a question your way. See if they lob one your way. But it rare, rarely happens. Yeah, I hear a lot about this from the people in my life that are dating in their late 30s and early.

It's also a big issue is how many people, how many men don't ask any questions on dates and they'll just talk and talk and talk. A friend of mine literally said, like, I will not go on a second date with a man if he does not ask me any questions about myself. I refuse to. But you know how many dates she has been on that she has not gone on a second fucking date? because that is like for one standard is if you do not ask me any questions about myself, I will not see you again, which I think that's a fine boundary to have. We should also not leave out the interviewer as well. That's the other problem, the opposite problem.

When they don't say anything about themselves and just like, oh yeah, oh yeah, about you. They just enter, like in my add a job interview, like what is going, you know, and all they do is ask questions. That is because they read somewhere to do that. To ask the questions. And then they are just robotically getting through the date because they don't have their own thinking mind. Which that's fine, especially like if you can't, you don't really know how to connect at first and stuff like that. Like I'd rather that than no questions asked at all.

Better to ask too many than not enough. Yes. Or zero. Fuck man, dude. I'm sick of them, bro. You know, someone that probably, I'm sure, agrees with you. Yes, of course, we have a couple of Mariah Careys on here. Wow, there's multiple.

She employs a lot of people to, uh, Carrie believes the simple act of drinking is a waste of her talents, reportedly employing an assistant to hold her drink and place the straw in her mouth. So all Carrie has to do is inhale. I love it. I don't know if this is true. But I hope it is. It seems so made up.

Yes. But the fact that it's actually on this list is just incredible. Yes. And the fact that also Mariah Carey absolutely deserves two spots on this list, as she's also been known to employ body lowers to make sure she, sits down in a way that most compliments her outfit and backwards walking safety people to catch her if she trips. So we are talking about staff to help her drink, sit and walk.

Yes, yes, hell yes. Hell yes, we are. And she's not. That's our queen of Christmas. And it's not like, you know, whenever we talk about this with her, it makes me think about, you know, poor Judy Garland and how she was, you know, in such a bad way that they had to like prop her up and stuff when she was. performing, but like this is just of her, this is just Mariah Carey's own making. She's just like,

I don't do those. I don't sit. I don't sit. I hire someone to sit for me, you know. I hire someone to sit me. Yeah. No, you sit me. I don't sit, you sit me. I just love, I would love to scream that quote someone. Drink for me. You sit me. Uh, I mean, I still yell, I'm not one of your fans from Mommy Dearest. I'll just yell that randomly. just to myself sometimes. You know, I don't scream at people enough. I think that's something I need to start triggering back into my life. Are you guys prepared?

I haven't got a good demand from you in a while. Yeah. I only get from Winnie at home now. All she does is demand. Oh, yes. She's in that phase where she's like, this, I want a nat. She's a little varucca's something. Yes.

Yeah, I mean, we were on the road with Jackie for 10 months. She never yelled at anybody. Yeah. Unbelievable. Rare demands. I need to start yelling more. Yeah, I want my taco bag! Like, what was that?

I wanted no! Last but not least, finding time in Rihanna's calendar must be an insane task. She's so busy that if toying with a new eyebrow styling idea, she will send along a paid look-like to try it out on them first. Which honestly... That makes total sense. Eyebrows, it's a commitment. If you want to...

I think that makes, like, especially of all of the things on here, like you don't need a backwards ologist, but like someone that, like, if you change your eyebrow shape, that's dedication. It's like getting bangs. So if you're going to change your eyebrows, you've got to know it's going to look like. Rihanna can't look over plucked.

Absolutely. This is a fine way to spend your money if you are a billionaire. Absolutely. Get someone to test out the eyebrows for you. Yes. 100%. Do you know, like, or honestly,

I even weirdly kind of get this with Kim Kardashian talking about when she was pregnant rather than try maternity clothes on herself. She would hire someone wearing a prosthetic bump to go and try on clothes for her instead. Yeah. It's good. You know, I guess, man, if you can do it, you do you.

And that's our list for this week. Oh, my God. Isn't that amazing, ladies gentlemen? Well, we've got a little bit more for you because my papers are losing their... Oh, they're getting sleepers? They're getting sleepers. I think I'm going. Blind.

Items! Ah, we can't see them. Yeah, that's right. You fucking can't. Now it's your turn to play the guessing game. Or you'll take a finger for everyone you get wrong. Where? Where do the fingers go?

Behind you, there's a man with a blade. He will remove each finger on your body. There's a blade in here. There's no blade in here. He's lying, everyone. Whatever. It's audios. You couldn't even tell.

Whatever. But I did such a good acting job. You thought it was Brenda Lee scared, you know? It's amazing. I imagine that's how she would get scared. This A-list, illiterate actress, eliterate actress, letters. We haven't had one of those in a while.

It's the first letters. Not illiterate. Not illiterate. Not illiterate. Well, she might be illiterated. Whoa. Lindsay Lohan. She's hooking up with a married rugby player.

That's all you get, but here's a hint. Kim Kardashian. No, younger. She's got tits and she knows how to use them. She's got tits, okay. Younger with tits? Yes. Very big-time it girl right now.

Hot. Upsetingly hot. No, Carly Kloss is, that's not... Closo, illiterate. And illiterate. She, her first name. Her first name is the name of a town in a different country. Belgium.

Well, that's not alien. It was Belgian. Paris. If it was Belgium. Or something like that. Belgium binary or something like that. Paris, London. But that's Paris Hilton's we can't.

She is. hot and knows how to use her tips. Do we talk about her on the show a lot? I think we've talked about her before. Well, yeah, she had a fun thing in a movie she's recently in that was also an infidelity kind of story. We talked about it on the show. I think we talked about it on the show.

She's on a hit HBO show. It's Lily Rose Depp. No, big it girl now. Hit HBO show that's very sexy about young people. Euphoria. Maybe. Ah, hot, big boob, Sydney, sweetie! Yes!

She's fucking a married rugby player with those fun fucking tits. All right, I wanted you were giving pretty good hints. You were giving very good hints. I'm sure a lot of people were in their cars. You did a very good job. Thank you for specifying Sydney. If I said a town in Australia, it would have been... Yeah, that would have been too much.

Too obvious. No, you did good. I have seen the trailer for this Anyone But You movie that she is in so many times on TikTok. and it looked so bad. Yeah. But it also, like, Sidney Sweeney's so hot. She's so hot.

She's just so hot. Have you seen the Rolling Stone music video? Uh, no. There's the, uh, the Rolling Stones put out a music video for their newest album. You know what? They still kind of got it. And she is just in, like, this tight leather, like, just sex suit. I would just call it.

Her tits are out. It's got, like, laid down her legs. I don't mean to be such a basic-ass bitch, too. Like, I, like, there's just something about her that I'm like. Oh, it's just, I mean, I know what it is about her. She's a fucking hot and shit. She is a absolute modern day. She's a Hollywood girl.

She's got it all. She's breaking hearts left and right. And she's great in euphoria. And she was great in White Lotus. And she's in her late 20s, so it's okay. I feel like, I don't feel gross. And White Lotus, I felt, I think both of us, we're like, are we allowed to thirst for her? And Euphoria, too, it's like about high school kids, but now she's starting to be in stuff.

That Rolling Stone's music video is like she's just in a convertible, just being hot for like an entire music video. It is so hot. She's just so hot. She's just so. And I follow it. I feel it's one of those Instagrams. I follow him. I don't even know if I should be fought. Like if someone looks over my shoulder. I won't. I can't follow her on Instagram birthday because I feel like

great. Like she's always just like, hey God. Like she's just doing the thing. I mean she's, I mean, I always think about that. I'm like, could you imagine being like actually considered like Margarobi or whatever? Like being considered hot like that? One of the hottest people on the planet. No. No.

You would do, because you would just be like, hey, you know what I mean? Yeah. She just does the pouty thing so well. Oh, good Lord. And one of her eyes is like slightly kind of off too, which is hot. Somehow, it's like, you know what I mean? I don't know how to describe it. Like it's a little like a little lazy or something and it's so sexy.

I don't even know it's crazy. She's so hot. All right, here we go. She's just so hot. I feel like such a child, just go, I sit here going so hot. Speaking of hot. So hot.

I don't think about her that frequently. So when she comes up, I feel like. Now that I follow her on, you follow one of these people on, like, social media and all of a sudden they're just like in your world. World, yeah. And making your fucking dick hard. No.

All right. In your world and in your dick. Yeah, you guys, speaking of which, this foreign-born A-list actress is an Oscar winner. Last night she showed off her Christmas present that she got for her. her husband. Bigger breasts. Whoa. I just says this which is because how funny that line.

Big or breasts. Oh, they're just for her husband, not for her so. I know. I love the idea. Lord knows. Hey, baby. I got you something for Christmas. And it's a pair of these.

Well, it kind of makes me think of Gino and Jasmine and 90-day fiancé where she used the money that he gave her for a wedding dress to get a Brazilian butt lift on the slide. I don't even, isn't even a Brazilian butt lift. It was butt implants. Or butt implant. I don't know what the difference is. I think the difference is they're clearly just things were installed in her ass, and you can tell it's very obvious. Whereas a Brazilian buttlift, it like creates, I think does more of a shape.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. But I, the audacity of that woman, that woman is a horrible person. She really is just terrible. No. Okay, wait, we're talking about a foreign-born big-titted lady again. Well, she didn't have them as sizable before, actually. I wouldn't say this actress was known.

Well, yeah, actress, we knew that. And her husband is so hot. They're hot. I forgot that they were married. They're so hot. Rita Oro. No. Who's, it's a hot quarter.

Man, did you see Rita Oro though? Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt, but Rita Ora had this, like, she was just at some award ceremony, and she had all these, like, spikes. Talk about another hot, her Shri and Taika Waititi, just hot couple. And she had all these, like, prosthetic, like, spines coming out of her back. that looked so fucking cool. Sorry, I didn't mean to take away from that. I was looking up some more clues. They're both Spanish-born.

And so sexy, both of them. They're so hot. Well, we know that Sophia Varga already got, I don't know if she's from Spain. And they got divorced, getting divorced. And they ripped her tits out in the divorce. She's got niceies. Helaria, just kidding.

She's not Spanish. It's not hilarious. She's a... She's not Spanish? A-list actress. They're both A-list actress. list actors. Penelope Cruz.

Yes. Ooh, wait, she doesn't need knockies. And Javier Bardin. Oh, that is a hot couple. Are married. I forgot that they were married. I forgot they're married. That's so hot.

Can you imagine their fuck sessions, dude? Yeah, that's really hot. Jesus Christ, that's hot. Yeah, recently she walked the red carpet at the 2023 Gotham Awards and showed off those set of news. Yeah, her boobs before were great. I know.

But now it sounds like she got her husband. The husband wanted a gift this year and he needed it to be bodily. It's such a horrible way of writing. Like, don't fucking put that on her. I got you. Santa came early. Check out these tits. Or maybe she did do it for her husband, but like, do we know that she did it for her husband?

I love the idea. It's like the opposite of the arrested development. Say goodbye to these. I love the idea of getting. Merry Christmas. The idea of giving your, so giving it other tits is so funny. Tits for Christmas. You're like, I got you these tits.

You want to fuck them, Santa? All I want for Christmas is tits. It's titsmas, man. Give him the titsmiss. All right, here's the last one. I chose this one for a reason you'll understand as I read this. This actor has a big movie about to be released in which he is the lead. A very big movie, much like the actor who loves fish.

Our actor loves wearing lifts in his shoes, especially when doing press. with other actors. He hates being the shortest of the group. I mean, that's, it's a given. But it's not Tom Cruise? Well, it is Tom Cruise the actor who loves fish. But they're comparing this actor to that actor, to Tom Cruise. First of all, that is the direct blind from the blind item site. So again, I just love that there's still.

Yes. Wow. Whoa. Is that amazing? That's awesome. That's why I chose. And I was like, that's incredible. That's really awesome.

Much like the actor who loves fish. referring to Tom Cruise, our actor loves wearing lifts in his shoes. I can't believe the actual blinds said that. I thought that that was a holding joke. Because it's real. No, no, no, because all of those blinds I did before were real blinds from the blind website. Oh, I know it. Who is it?

I mean, I'll give you the- All right. Who's a shorty? I'll give you the gas that gives it away immediately. Are you ready for it? Yeah. Chickapai. Oh, Timothy.

It's a Timothy. It's a Timothy. He doesn't like being a shortest guy. He's a little bit. Who cares? Who cares? He's a tiny little elf boy. He's a tiny little elf boy.

No, but he's a big movie star now. He's got to be a big mean man now. Be a little dandy. He's 5'10. That's not nothing. That's nothing to shake a stick. Oh, I'm shaking to stick at it. I feel like I'm the only person excited about Wonka.

It's getting good reviews. They say the musical numbers are awesome. I'm very excited. I think you are the only person excited about it. I think I'm very excited about it. I don't, I don't even think I'm, I see everything in the movie theater. I don't think I'm going to see it. Paddington director?

Yeah. And Hugh Grant had a horrible time, which is going to make his performance better. I guess. Yeah, that's fun. He hated. Yeah, that was the articles he talks. We'll get more into the leftovers probably, but he hates it. He hates most of the movies it sounds like, which is, which is fair.

Hugh Grant's assholery, like news articles lately are making me like him more and more and more. Definitely. Like, I really is. Like, he's such a dickhead, but like on his sleeve and he's funny about it. And I'm like, I think I like that. How much of an asshole he is and that everyone knows he. He's just an asshole. He just says, and in fact, the part was written for him because the director was like,

who do I know that's like a funny asshole? Oh, he'll be perfect as the umpalumpa. Hugh Grant, you know? Like, he literally wrote it for Hugh Grant because the character needed to be like an asshole that's very, like, funny in the way that he's being a dick. Yeah. So, and that's what Hugh Grant is. I love it how much, I love his shit talk stuff.

I think it's great. I can't believe that Timothy Shalame is upset about being short. your thing is that you are a tiny little... Just a little lift. We're not talking about high-heeled boots like some politicians have been wearing lately. We're talking about just a little lift. Yeah.

Just a little lift will do you. Yeah, he can have a little lift as a treat, but he should be proud of his little... His little dandiness. It is part of his appeal. Yeah. Like, everyone already thinks that you're, like, super hot. So it doesn't matter.

Like, it's just... But I guess if it's something you're insecure about, it's going to be something you're insecure about it, no matter. Like, I'm sure the bigger of a celebrity you become all of your insecurities get so blown up that I'm sure that he probably has got a lot of issues with him. Yes, you're right. That's fair. And especially, just like we talked about with Olivia Rodriguez, you know, you are allowed to be insecure about things even when you're famous and beloved. You're right. Yes. Even men can be insecure. Yes. All right. There you go. There you have it.

Back from blind. I can see again. Welcome back, Holden. Fantastic. There you have it. And thank you guys so much for joining us on this. episode of page seven. Yeah. I had so much fun. I'm gonna smile till I'm done. Which is usually how much you smile for. You smile until you're done.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski, and you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And you can come hang out with me and Holden on Fridays over on Jackin with the Holdies. Over on Twitch.combe. Yes. I'm sorry. Is it Brendanator's Bren? I don't know. I don't know.

I might be a Brendanator's thing now. I'm coming for you, Brenda Love or whatever. Lee. Brenda Lee, I'm going to kill Christmas just to take you out. She's so nice about it. Let her have her time. Yes. Well, whatever.

These woke holiday people, they got their black centers and they've got the gay nutcrackers. Give me those nuts, boys. I love it with the gay nutcrackers. going to talk and scream. It's like a stereotypical, like... I've gone to multiple targets trying to find the gay nutcrackers and they're all sold out everywhere. I want gay nutcrackers.

Of course. They're awesome. Yeah, exactly. Like, oh, sure, we'll stop selling the thing that's selling really well because you're mad about it. Anyways, it's been very politically charged episode hashtag free James Franco. Ew. And don't make that hashtag.

Nobody make that hashtag. Get them out and cancel jail. Anyways, you already plugged my stream. Thank you, Jackie. You're welcome, I plugged it up. Page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Celebrity conspiracies, please. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast.

$5 a month gets you so much bonus content. It's annoying. And then for $10 a month, you can join us for our Jersey Shore watchalongs over on our Discord. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Also jump on a soul to keep because I am already in love with Orpheus, come hang out with us. There you go. Also, do we say Muppets Christmas Carol

Watchalong on the... December 18th, Monday. December 18th, don't forget, don't forget. Don't forget. Don't forget. M.J. My name is MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. And I will say there are a lot of nutcrackers available on Target.com, but not the nutcracker that I wish. Not enough gay nutcrackers as far as I'm concerned.

Not good. Enough. And now it's time to sing the shoutout song. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote in about. Come on. We're gonna read them to you. Come on. Doctor, doctor, give me the news. I got a bad case of reading the emails. And someone needs to send me to the doctor. Because I'm sick. Oh, it's not true. I'm just reading the shoutouts, and you can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com.

Heck, send in whatever you'd like to page 7 podcast at gmail.com because we absolutely love hearing from you. I just want to send out some love to Lucy. I love Lucy. Lucy says, just wanted to say howdy and praise y'all. I just took a fat bong rip on the couch after a long-ass day, and I'm watching tears of a clown condiments episode, which I know is not page seven, but it made me want to write in because Jackie is guesting on this ep and oh my god, you look so hot, you stop. Not to be a creeperella, which you're not, but Jackie is so naturally gorgeous and charismatic and it makes me a little

gushy, goo-goo cluster. You're making me a little gushy-goo cluster, Lucy. More seriously, every single person on page seven, including those of you behind the scenes on production, does such an amazing job on the pod and it has been a really grounding, stable presence in very chaotic life. Thank you from the bottom of my stoner, queer do, millennial girl, heart. I love you, Lucy. Thank you so much for sending in the love, and I hope that you enjoyed how brutally angry I got during the Tears of a Clown Condiments episode. Don't even get me started about what's going to happen when I am brought back for Condiments Part 2, because I refuse to be left out in the dark. There wasn't good enough condiments on that list.

All right? So that was on Jake. Yeah, I'm saying it. And also, I'm coming for you, catch up. I am no chup lover and everybody knows it. Anyway, I'm moving on to wonderful Courtney and what Courtney has to say, thank you so much for sending in your shoutout. Courtney says, I want to do a shout out for my dear friend Hillary, who is a super fan of the show. Hillary came into my life in 2022 when she graced me with my first tattoo. She's done a total of 10 since then. Hell yeah, Courtney, you know I love. I love a tattoo lifestyle. When, oh, man, once you pop, the fun truly don't stop. Courtney continues on to say, when I first walked into my appointment with her, I was intimidated

and nervous as I was getting my first tattoo. Little did I know that one of the most fulfilling and beautiful friendships of my life would blossom over the next year. She is one of the funniest, sweetest people I've ever met. She's always there. She's always there. for me whether it's something as simple as a pigeon meme or as important as a series of five-minute voice chats about a serious work issue or family crisis. We don't do phone calls, we do voice chats. Maybe it's the terminal case of Gen Z I have that she puts up with. Ha ha. Also, love it, Courtney. I love a voice chat. I'm with you. It just, you're able to get so much more across than with such a, than with just like a simple text. I'm totally with you, Courtney. I don't think I've

ever fallen into a friendship so effortlessly in my life. I truly feel like we are friend, soulmates. Right now, her and her wonderful husband, Jay, are going through some medical hardships with their beautiful cat Ramona, one of their four amazing kitties, and her strength and dedication to Queen Momo through all of this has been so amazing. I want the whole wild world to give her, Jay and Ramona, some much-deserved love. Hillary, you are forever my dirt. I'm Queen, and I feel honored to have you in my life. And all three of you need to come to Savannah and get a tattoo from Hillary. Okay, I'm done.

And yes, okay, I will. And if I am in Savannah, I will hit you up, Hillary, because that sounds fabulous. You must be an amazing artist for Courtney to get 10 tattoos in the last couple of years. Hell yeah. Love it. And I love your friendship. Thank you so much, Courtney, for writing in. And last but not least, I got a little shout-up for Natalie.

I just thought that this would be fun. Natalie says, I finish listening to this week's episode of The Leftovers, and I completely agree with Holden's take on that stupid pronoun joke everyone says. Here's a couple of my friends and I have found that are clever and make our silly group of they-them's laugh. Enjoy. I have no pronouns. Do not refer to me. Love it. If you're taller than 5-9, your pronouns are Fee-Fi slash faux-fum, shorter than 5-9, and your pronouns are oompa-lumpa-d-do.

And the last one, at least, there's only one. pronoun and mom says we have to share. Hope they make you laugh, which they definitely do. Thank you so much, Natalie, for sending them in. And thank you guys so much for your shoutouts. We love your emails every week and it always puts a smile on my face. All of you put a smile on my face. And I hope that I put a smile right back on there. I love you guys so much. Hopefully you are making it through this season as safe and sound as you humanly can. Good luck with it. Try to stay in positive spirits. We got this. And then And it's just going to be brutal January that is there lying in wait.

Oh, too sad? Nah. I love you guys. I'll be back next week. Bye! This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

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