Page 7 - Ep. 517: I'm Dead In Porn Years

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

Jackie's kicking off sexy Christmas with a seductive rendition of I Think Ya Might Like It, MJ's having responsible adult Christmas BLAH, and Holden's thinkin' bout those solid bricks of rumchata. Shane MacGowan's funeral got everybody in the church dancin', Panera Bread's D̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶C̶u̶p̶ Charged Lemonade keeps making headlines, Jackie is now a converted shower pisser and gives a Pissgate update, Holden goes Full Dad, Taylor Swift is a billionaire based only on music releases and hit a new high on her carbon footprint #GIRLBOSS, Jwow asks everyone to enter her Heavenly Flower, I THINK YOU MIGHT LIKE IT ANNUAL WATCH ALONG, Doritos launches a mystery cheese liqueur, Jackie begins her Single White Femaling of Holden with her first car purchase, CHRISTMAS SHOES TAKES TO TIKTOK, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Is Hugh Jackman dating Queer Eyes Antoni!?!, Da List, AND SHOUTZzZZzzZZz Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Got a little plan for you. I think you might like it. Ooh, let's do the little dance we do. I think you might like it. And then we're going to hide away, making love all night. And we can cry tomorrow watching it's a wonderful life. Oh, I think you might. I like it. Yeah, we're going to do the little freaking dance that we do. Welcome to page seven. It's a long holiday season this year because Thanksgiving was on the earlier side. And, you know, we haven't gotten around to I think you might like it yet. And today is the day. Are you prepared to watch again? I think you might like it.

I'm so happy. I'm so, because I think we have had a few years where we've missed it here. there. We had some shorter years and then you got to, you know, you have to get in as much holiday content as you possibly can. Yeah. But this year is a little stretched out and I got to tell everybody, like the Groundhog, all the celebrities have gone underground for the holidays. Yeah, all the stars are not out tonight. They are not. They're gone. Ten million views on this YouTube video. I'm at least a million point five. Yeah, we are responsible for such a large portion of these. views because it came out in 2012. We here at page seven discovered this like video like in real time. Like as it was, we already existed as a podcast. We watched it. And then we have watched it,

I think every year. But I do think that there's been some years here and there that we did not watch it together as a group. And dry years over here. We have really directed a lot of eyes towards that video where it may have really faded into oblivion, I think, that it lives on because of us. And I got to say every year I forget that they say that they make love at night. Yeah. Because it's not really in go. It doesn't match the sound of the song. No.

The vibe. The images of the song. It's a real. The two people in the song, Olivia Newton, John and John Travolta, I don't think anyone believes that they're fucking. I actually think it would make more sense. Instead of saying making love, I think if they said made fuck or like made yum. You know what I mean?

Like we're making yum all night watching. It's a wonderful. Also, again, who makes love while watching It's a Wonderful Life? Not the wettest of movies. No, no. Although, I mean, Mary could get it. Of course. And so could George Bailey.

And they sing that, and dance by the light of the moon. And that part's cute. But again, it's cute. Yeah. Is it make yum? No. I don't think so. No.

As someone who watches It's a Wonderful Life every year, it is not part of sexy Christmas. and I know that you are prioritizing sexy Christmas this year. I am prioritizing, which is why I can't watch it this year. For me, Christmas needs, you always need an air of melancholy to it. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Like I think there's got to be, and even sexy Christmas, I think there should be some sadness and sexy Christmas. You need to figure out where sad. You want me to cry while I'm making yum?

I think one of your sessions, if you're going to be having like a bunch of them, one should be a bit of a kind of a weepy, misty time, you know? Oh my God, what are we going to look into each other's eyes and like connect or something? Yeah, everybody knows. Yeah. The turkey.

I mean, if we were doing this while there was a turkey in the oven, I could get to making some yum. Oh, my God. I mean, you're done with turkey for 2023, though, correct? Or are you still being a turkey psycho? That might make a turkey. That might make another turkey. I always like the people who do a big, you know, like we just watch the Christmas story with the kids. And we've never done a turkey on Christmas, but I like, me neither. I like that

big roast idea. My family was never a big roast family, but it's a sweet idea, you know. Oh, that's why you got to make that boneless leg of lamb. Put it in a slow cooker. So easy, folds a pot. And then you ain't got to be like watching it all day either. But I, before we move on from sad, sad boy Christmas, which I know we have sex boy Christmas. But I can talk about food. But what But what about food talk? I want a boneless leg of loss. Am I right? I want to put that elf.

I want to take that elf off the shelf and put it right the oven, baby. Yeah, don't put my elf in the oven. But if you want to, I'm going to freaking answer that door because otherwise the doorbell will just keep bringing. I'll be right back. We are raw today. Jackie and I, we ended up running back home after some recording mishaps of the studio. You're getting us. You're getting us in our.

jammies, you're getting us in our natural, you know. Holden, you're saying this as if you didn't have a 12-hour stream yesterday and then it continued to, towards the end, drink a bunch of rum chata and fireball. I like that you're not blaming that.

Cinnamon toast crunch shots 13-hour stream, by the end, Jesus God. And we had cinnamon toast crunch shots. Yes, we did. And that is two parts rum chada, one part fireball. And honestly, They were delicious.

They were delicious. It was like a candy, Christmas, you know, come true. But yeah. Although I think more of a sipper than a shooter. More of a sipper. I'd like to actually sip on it. More of a sipper, for sure.

More of like a, it's almost like a white rush or a gnaug even. You know what I mean? Also, what's really crazy is that apparently, according to the shooter recipe, you're supposed to take the shot glass and rim it in frosting. Yeah.

And that, I think, is too far. We are, this is great. anything in frosting and I including my asshole. Well, to be fair, I think that was more for like a tray of those at a party that you have one of, not a- Can you imagine being at a party and then all of a sudden you got frosting all over your face? And everyone's like, is this a rainbow party now? And everyone's like, yes!

And everyone's just put on the different colored lipstick. Sexy Christmas. Oh my God, that would be, that's what I do for sexy Christmas. Have a rainbow party, but everybody's dressed up like the reindeer. MJ, we're talking about rainbow parties. It's like my new version of six degrees to Kevin Bacon, except for it's holiday-themed rainbow party discussions. I'm so glad because I really,

I'm having one of those two adult Christmas times, and it's not like sexy Jackie adult Christmas. It's like the amount of responsibilities you have will slowly crush you adult Christmas. Yeah. No, why? Jay, what is you? There's just a lot of things.

happening and the doorbells ringing and the phone is ringing and it's all high-stakes. The doorbells ring, take, tickle it, take, tickle it, take, tickle it to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's the phone and put it, put it, throw that door. There's a lot of things so we go to deal with on a present. Yep, yep. Your cat is dying and your tax guy needs to talk to you before the year is over.

Otherwise, there will be tax consequences. These are the ghosts. These are your ghosts. your ghosts. How do you feel about it? These are the ghosts of Christmas. I was just trying to talk about how if you want to really have a good cry, you should watch the video of Shane McGowan from the Poghs at his

funeral. They played Fairy Tale of New York. Oh, God. They played it in the fucking church, and everyone was dancing in the aisles of the fucking church. And if you really want to get your emotions out this year, if you two are crushed by life this year, then listen to Fairy Tale of New York being played

at Shane McGowan's funeral because you won't regret it. I'm crushed by rum chata. I really feel like it's just sitting in my stomach still. Like, it never went anywhere. It's just glution around. Maybe it's because you were drinking solid blocks of rum chata and not liquid rachata. Don't put it in the freezer. Well, I put the fireball in the freezer and I just didn't think about it.

And it also threw the rum chata in the free. Because fireball in the freezer, that's the best way to go with fireball. I mean, it completely, it turns it into, you know, a candy-like thing, you know. But rumchata just made it frozen milk gloves. Oh yeah. Frozen milk alcohol. Milk gloves. That's what you're looking for. I am excited because I got the peppermint bark rum chada as well and I'm saving that one for Christmas Eve. Because you know what you really want with the Feast of Seven Fishes?

You want a bunch of cream drinks. Oh, I don't. Yes. M.J's been pukin for days. I shouldn't be talking about this. MJ did refer to Holden. I don't know if you were calling Holden Rum Chunka or saying that we were going to rum chunker. this morning because the amount of rum chata we drank yesterday but i can't be tied down mj i need to be set free

all right i need to just roam in my hangover over here and man watching holden being hungover trying to fix the tech at the studio was a sad sight i will say to my credit i gave up real fast that's what a hangover is good for it's dark in the room you know there's all these cords what are you going to start just unplugging things and we're not plugging things back in. Nor am I going to try to wake someone up at 8.30 in the morning. By the way, that's when we fucking do these like a sick, sick person. Yeah. Early this early.

Yes. And Winnie made sure I was up. If you ever listen to page seven and think, like, are they drunk? Like, no, it's bright. And I make them go on my East Coast schedule. I make them wake up very early so that we can record while my children are at school. and they have just woken up, which is similar to drunk person energy.

Especially when you've been drinking rum chunka. Yeah, once you got the rum chanca and you feel like you could just do anything. But don't worry, I've got to pick me up in front of me. That's right. I picked up some Panera lemonade. No. I'm talking about the panera lemonade.

I thought we were going to get into, I think you might like it territory. Oh, yeah. You need to get to the charged lemonade because it is so highly caffeinated that two people have died. I cannot, why would they still sell it? And I saw that they're even now

just putting warnings up being like, hey, by the way, like, people die, drink of this. Yeah, they're doubling down. They're like, our lemonade is fine. They really, they do not seem swayed by the deaths at all. That's crazy. Yeah, I cannot believe that after a single death

in a very prominent restaurant chain based on merely just ingesting the thing you're serving. It wasn't like they, you know, had, you know, I mean, I'm sure they had preexisting conditions, but, you know, it's just wild to me that they would let, I didn't know two people died, by the way. I thought it was just one. Two wrongful death lawsuits.

Yes, there are two wrongful death lawsuits that are coming out. According to this article, the drink is highly caffeinated. A large 30-ounce charged lemonade with ice contains 230, 37 milligrams of caffeine, although Panera previously listed the drink as having 390 milligrams of caffeine. An adult can safely consume 400 milligrams of caffeine each day. So there's also free refills.

So people are going for the free refills and now they're just dying. But this conversation, so long story short, I was in a Hummer limo on my way to playing unlimited games and drinking at Dave & Busters when I heard about said charge. lemonade. It was for my husband's holiday work party. So then we all started talking about sparks and then we all started talking about balls and you know I love sparks. You know I love balls because balls used to have and it still does. Although now not as much caffeine in it, it had the grippies on the side because you would start to shake as you would drink it and that was my jams. Back in the day when we didn't drink water,

I didn't have to leave the house with my security water bottle. I would just tank balls until I would get to sparks. And then you really do truly look back and think, how did I not die? All right. Couple things here. First of all, Jackie, we,

Wisbur did an episode on energy drinks. Yes. And we talked to Mr. Balls, or at least I didn't talk to Mr. Balls. But Jake did. You just opened up your pants and went, how's it going down there. Mr. Balls.

Hello, I'm going to speak to Mr. Balls. That's exactly what I'm saying. But, oh, oh, Mr. the balls one and two. All right. Here we are. That is exactly what I'm telling you right now. But also, also, uh, we did, not only do we do that.

I had to look it up. I don't drink more than like two cups of coffee a day generally, usually just one. I try to, I try to keep it minimal because you can really get out of control, right? So I had to look up like kind of the average, like an eight ounce cup of coffee. How much is in that? 95 milligrams. So this shit is like. is like four times the intensity of a fucking cup of coffee in one drink. I mean, I don't know,

it just seems so wild to me to, I don't get people, people have such a crazy relationship with caffeine. They're like, no, no, no. I mean, I get to a point, is this true for you? Maybe this is kind of where I'm at, because I've thought a lot about sleep and caffeination and everything once I had a kid, right? Because you're just fucking exhausted all the time. but there's a point where caffeine is no longer effective. Yeah. Like, it's just,

it's not doing anything. It's like weed or whatever, you know what I mean? It's a point you're just like, I'm just like, you start like, you know, wake and baking by about midday,

you're like, I can't get, to be not high would actually be a weird experience. I can't like get weirder in my head at this point. Yeah. And with coffee, I feel like very similar. And some people are out there just ferocious about it.

They're like, I drink. How much you get, you go, hard in the paint, right, Jackie, on caffeine? I go only on Tuesdays when you see me and you judge me all the time for how much coffee I drink. You judge me almost every Tuesday.

I'm always going. Oh, coffee bird. Coffee bird. She drinks too much coffee. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, on tour, you guys would frequently get a coffee at like 4.30 p.m. Yes, I will do that.

I would rather be dead. My coffee cut off is, it has to be by around five is my coffee cutoff. I will sleep just fine. That's wild. But remember when we were teenagers, I used to drink a cup of coffee and smoke cigarettes at the Liberty East. It's closed down now, but Liberty East on Independent, that was like the cool hangout. We would go to at like two in the morning when we were like seniors in high school.

And I would drink a cup of coffee, like, and then go home and just go to bed. Oh, yeah. You know? My mom still makes, whenever we go home, my mom will always put on a pot of coffee the second dinner is done. So we always drink coffee at night. So I think that's why, like, I'm conditioned my whole like upbringing. And I mean, we were. I was drinking coffee fairly young, but it was also because, like, I thought it was cool.

Right. Drinking coffee. So I definitely, and my mom would let me drink coffee. She didn't care. It wasn't like I was slamming five cups of coffee. But in my house, growing up, we always put on coffee right after dinner. So I'm so used to it as a digestive that, like, I forget that it's caffeinated. Yeah, I think the coffee after dinner people are incredibly charming.

Thank you. And yet, I could never. But I do think it's so sweet. Like there's something about it that just, you know, I read my cozy novels, my little murder mystery cozies that are all interspersed with various baking recipes. Ed will drink a cow do a, I often see him doing coffee at, I think it is, it's a classy move at a restaurant. I love, yes, it's a Midwestern. I always thought it was a Midwestern thing, but maybe it's every, maybe it's a boomer thing. I don't know, but I feel like the whole like, come out, you come over for dinner,

and then if you have people over for dinner, it's who wants coffee afterwards. A pot of coffee. Yeah, it feels very grown up to me in a way that like, it's like, it's like, A type of grown up I will never be despite being 37 with two children, you know. Yeah. And, you know, I feel like we've got a couple of hot takes that we must go over. I have to say, from last week, from our piss and brushing our teeth in the shower conversation, we received more feedback than we have ever received. It's a charged, it's a charged issue.

I've been pissing in the shower every single day. I was like, now I get, like, every, ever said, everyone's like, I can't believe you guys don't piss the shower. is like, am I missing something? So I've been pissing the door every day. I think that we should be grateful. I guess I'll piss in the shower now. I do. I think we should be grateful to Kelly Clarkson for opening the door because I think it's something

that a lot of people don't want to admit. And when I, when Kelly Clarkson does it, other people feel emboldened to admit that they too piss. I'm actually completely shocked. That's what the reaction we got. I would have assumed it would be a bunch of people going, ew. Yeah. You're an ooh person.

Yeah, that's what I would have thought too. But this is, again, she's, she's fighting the stigma. I guess, you know. We got to bump it up. Is it stigma when it's appropriate to be wrong? Like, you're really not supposed to do it. So I don't know if we should call it a stigma. I do think you need to pick one.

I don't think you should be brush your teeth and pissing at the same place. I think you got to choose one. Yeah, I don't want to do them at the same time. Or in the same place. Or in the vicinity. I think it's, I just can't. I don't want to have them.

But to that point, sometimes I think that the toothbrushes shouldn't even be in the bathroom, you know, because of all the... Well, here's the thing. Because of all the shitswell. We're covered in Dukki, dude. It's just, it is what it is. I cannot be, we're all duky people. I cannot be dressed to keep my...

But then Nick wrote in and said, in the subject line, 98% of pediatric dentists recommend brushing teeth in the shower. What? And Nick says, Fun personal anecdote. My childhood dentist actually recommended

that we brush our teeth in the shower. Did he think we showered twice a day? Did he expect us to actively move our toothbrush slash paste between shower and sink every time? Which would be an utter feat of executive function for pediatric subjects? Was it just a bit?

And I love that Nick is spiraling because of this information. And I don't know. What would be... Maybe it's because they think you'll do it longer. Yeah, yeah. You know, you're warm, you're comfortable, your vibe. You answered my question before I could ask that. Like, what even would be the benefit of that?

You know what I mean? It just is like, I don't... Because I think that it's hard to do it long enough. Honestly, you know? Honestly, having a timed, uh, vibrating toothbrush solves that immediately. And then I don't have to do it in my fucking... shower water. I just remember, you know what it is? A part of the stigma is literally there's the most throwaway moment in an episode of Seinfeld where Kramer comes over and he's like, can I,

can I, can I, do you have the Thumbs or whatever? He wants heartburn medication. He's like, yeah, he's like, can I get some heartburn medication? I drank too much water in the shower. And it was just such a gross, like. Hell yeah. Why? But I don't know. I guess there was always a stigma. I think I maybe my, I'm sure I was belittled or something as a child for I say let it free. Now we're pissing in the shower. I mean, I guess the floodgates have literally been open. Are we allowed to drink

the shower water? I don't know. I've got any feedback. You're not drinking it. You're just getting, you're just wetting your whistle. If you're not able to drink it, I don't even want it in my mouth. Why would that be okay? I just don't get it. But yes, pissing the shower. But I'm not like, I don't, you shouldn't like purposely piss in the shower, Jackie. I've been doing it.

It just feels good. I just feel like there's something I must be missing. So I want to give it enough time. What have you found in your findings? Well, I still don't like when the piss dribbles down the inside of my thighs. I don't like that. Others have said that we should get over that. That that's just something that you got to get over. Yes, that you just, because the water just flows and you're right.

The water does just flow. So what's piss and what's water? That is one nice thing for me. It's like I'm maybe getting it on my feet, maybe. But I'm even trying to stand in a way that I'm pissing. But then I wash myself off anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. I don't know. There's a warm liquid.

There's a huge pop culture or popular imagination gray area about, like, the how dirty piss is. Because when you potty trained children, this is what you'll hear from whoever, wherever, over and over. Piss is sterile. Piss is sterile. Jellyfish. Yeah, jellyfish. You start thinking about, well, it's just piss. It can't be that big a deal.

Despite rumors to the contrary, urine is not sterile. It can contain dozens of different types of bacteria, including staphaloc, la. and strep a lot galacolacolus, which are associated with Stafford veterans and strep throat, but then would say that to my newfound piss. Oh my God, don't even get me started if you try to eat shit,

you'll get the boom chakalacalacal. No. But that's what I'm saying. Piss is sterile. Excuse me, think about where it's coming from. It's coming out of dicks, you know. Dicks aren't sterile. But I don't have a dick.

Then what? Pussies aren't sterile either. By the way, I'm in, I just realized I have dad jokeitis right now. I'm in full dad. joke mode. That was the second cheesy dad joke I've said. Boob Shack-a-Logal-Las. You're getting ready to go home for two weeks. So you have to really like give in. In the way that I'm giving in to my piss, I think that you need to just give in your daddy. Your daddy for two weeks.

Your daddy only. Daddy only daddy. Only daddy. Yeah. Your only daddy walks the line, baby. I'm ready for it. I can't wait. And there's something sexy and only daddy walks the line though. Man, you think once you start getting, once you start getting rubbies when you guys are at your, um, the Beetlejuice, the musical on your birthday, that's going to really change things. Lauren Bobert reenactment night. Yeah. We've got to, we got to get a vape pin for Lexi. I'm very excited. And we need to hire a pregnant woman to sit behind us and complain. I'm sure there's one that, that is down for the job. And they get to see a show. Absolutely. Well, two shows, your show and the one on the stage. Oh, we'll be definitely, yeah,

it's a real donkey show and on, and on our neck of the woods. You're going to go, ooh. Yeah. Donkeys go, e-a-a-a-a-oh. No, you're the Italian. You're Dominic, the Italian donkey. That's what you're, you're the Italian Christmas donkey. What are we even? E-A-I-A-Y-A-A. All right, let's just watch the fucking.

What, you don't like be called a Christmas donkey anymore, holding? No, I want to see the man with the painted hair. That little plan for you. Think we might like it. All right, wait, I'm getting, I'm opening it up. Oh, the jingle jingles. of the sweet Christmas. I think you might like it, Bells.

So if you want to join us, okay, listen, what you're doing is you are searching for, I think you might like it. We are talking about the title is John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, I think you might like it, parentheses, close caption. Closed captions so you know what they're singing. And turn on those closed captions, all right,

because it is, we need to, you need to know what they say. I think you might like it. Are you ready to get back? Oh, get comfortable because this is about to take you on a little trip, ooh, on a tiny plane. Think of all the carbon that he's producing. Yeah, this was before we were canceling people for their private jets. Now, we know how many jets. By the way, congratulations.

Taylor Swift has hit a new high on the carbon footprint. And I just want to congratulate her. She's flying extra lately to go visit Travis Kelsey. Billionaire status. New stats have come out. Yeah, first woman to achieve billionaire status based solely on her music. And she's spending that money on jet fuel and it's destroying the planet. And I just want to congratulate her again for being on the forefront of that.

And we love her. We love we stand. Like right now, the celebrities are underground and Taylor Swift is still, there were seven articles like about Taylor Swift at the game this weekend. And even I was like, I can't. Who gives this shit? Okay, she goes to the games. We get it. We get it.

It's not, it's just so done the story of her going to games. Yes, we see. Yes, she's supporting her boyfriend. Great. It's done. If I was probably, I bet I would be pretty miffed if I was not a Taylor's fan and a big football fan. I would like kind of be like.

That's the thing. At first I was like, oh, it's bringing together like the football bros and the Swifty ladies. And now I'm like, I think it might be sewing like, it has the potential to really sew a lot of resentment. There was some girl posting on, like, Twitter about how she, because she went to the, like, she's like a Patriots Chiefs game. She went with like a T. Swift shirt on and got like harassed by a bunch of gross old dudes for the whole game.

Yeah. Well, like, don't do that even. Yeah. I mean, I am, you know. I am in my J. Wow era because MJ did get me a sweatshirt that looks like Taylor Swift era's tour, but it says like in my J.WOW era. And it's a bunch of pictures of J. and it's my favoriteest thing I've ever received.

And it's a Jaywow, this is from the Jaywow store, by the way. So don't you worry. It's not anyone else profiting off a Jaywau. What is the name of her store? Is it called like Heavenly Angels or something? Yeah, it has a really weird name. It's heavenly something. Because I opened it up and I was like, oh God, is this going to be like a big crucifix

or something? I was like, what is this? Is someone trying to get me to find the reason for my season? Because everyone knows that everybody knows that the reason for my fucking season is Jay Wow. Yeah. And I guess you could refer to me like, is that mean Jesus Christ wow? But no.

It's Jesus Christ, everybody. I'm just letting you run with it. I'm just letting you guys. Yeah, let me be. Boom, chagal, laga, la la la la la. If you want to support J.W. This season, her store is called Heavenly Flower. The website is shopheavenlyflower.com.

And there you can get all sorts of Jersey Shore merchandise. It sounds like she's talking about her kooka. Yeah, it's something about the kooka for sure. definitely. People whose hands are on the mouse, like just about to click this video. Ready. Okay. You ready. All right. I'll stop. I'll stop just going off. All right, guys. I'm going to say three, two, one, start, and you hit play at the beginning of me saying the word start. All right, ready? Ready? Hover. Hover. Three, two, one, start. Oh. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, and how slowly they drive. Uh-oh.

foots are starting to tap, y'all. We're scooting. We're boots and we're starting to skit. Look at the wallet chain. Oh, my God. And look at his pubic patch on his chin. So much has changed. Man, that hair.

Every year I say this, but it looks a lot like the Dubuque, Iowa airport. And so it really does remind me of flying home. He flies into a very tiny little airport. Except we all know, because we have looked into every, bit of trivia that this is actually on, I believe, Jontra's own home air base that's like very, but he also has like his own air strip on the base. Yeah, yeah, he's got his own.

He privatizes that. She's very, she's driving at about three miles an hour. Now he's in the car. I mean, there's no way. Man, he put a little plan for you. I think you, oh, oh, they see each other from a distance. They see each other. Uh-oh.

They're excited. It might become a little jaunt. It might be a little one. In this weird outside hallway thing. Don't worry. You'll see that when they're inside. So this is outside his home. Where is the semblance of Christmas in this part?

Yes. This is close to his home. And also, there's no way he can watch this anymore because both of the women of his life are dead. Don't you think he just watches it every year and weeps? I don't know if he can. I think it's just Christmas shoes at that point. He's just.

Oh my God. Kelly Preston. Oh, by the way, everyone. kind of needs to watch Jack Frost. I can't believe Kelly Preston is in it. Kelly Preston was just so beautiful. And Jack Frost is such

a weird fucking movie. It's bad, right? Yeah, you can't bring it up Jack Frost. But I laughed a lot. I really had a lot more fun. If you watch it with a group of people, it's a lot of fun. If you finish your drink every time like he thinks about a

harmonica, you know, like let me give you the drinking rules. And then you'll enjoy Jack Frost. Okay. But meanwhile. Oh, no one loves him. No one picks him up the airport. Only military guy.

But he can hug the security guard. The security guard. Yeah, you got family. Boots go. I also, oh my God, unless they're, we can cry tomorrow watching it's a wonderful life, so then they're just snuggled up. But also, why are they wearing only black? Have we ever questioned that the fact that they're not even wearing?

It's so funny how this is supposed to be a, Christmas thing. And there's so little holiday in the decorations or designs or anything. And even the like awesome classic car they're in is teal. Yeah.

They should have made it like bright red. Yeah, they're not even wearing like the Beaker-esque red scarf over the black or something. No, nothing. They're not given anything. And it is done. I like it. Because, also, you know, for the first time.

RIP. As we also, very importantly, remember is that this is actually a sequel song to the, you're the one that I want. Yeah. And it's supposed to be a sequel song, which I don't know how, why I remember it just because it really doesn't make a lot of sense. because they fly off into the sky at the end of Greece and in my head become aliens. But you know, like now that you're a grease hound, MJ, right? Because your kids love Greece. Oh my God, my Spotify Raps.

Yeah. I called them a grease hound. Everybody heard it here first. No, it's a title I deserve. I was, my number four listen for Spotify Rapped was John Travolta. Who am I? Not John Vald John. I am.

No. I'm somebody who listens to a lot of the Greece soundtrack with my children. And yeah, you know, we haven't... What's their favorite song? What's their favorite Greece song? Well, I mean, it's all good. We like, you're the one that I want. We like born to hand drive.

You know, we like them all. So I didn't even think that that would be listed as the artist John Travolta. I figured it would just be listed as, I don't know, the Greece soundtrack. Yeah. But yes, they fly into the sky, which is definitely like one of life's big unanswered questions. they fly into the sky at the end of Greece. And so you're telling me that that I think you might like it. It's not John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John.

It's Danny Zucco and Sandra D. Correct. That's insane. I'm sorry. That's why his wife is not his wife in the music video, MJ. Right. But yeah, I don't, I just, there's a lot of things I can accept about this, this music video, but I can't accept that it's actually Sandra D.

They don't have any, I mean, I guess they're wearing the outfits. That's because that's why they're wearing black. I guess. Like Danny Succa. Right. They are dressed like that, or at least an homage to them. But like, then you'd think that they would be covered in leather. Like if you're going to do it, then you've got to be like the bad guys, right?

Like, or like the bad kids is what I meant. Yeah. And why aren't there any like pink ladies or any? There's nothing else from Greece in this entire music video. Where stocker channing? You couldn't get in. And there's barely any Christmas. You couldn't fly in stalker channing.

Yeah. And there's barely any Christmas too. It's completely, uh, no Greece, no Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. Why is he wearing a? a leather jacket. I guess that's why they're wearing black. I think we've solved that.

Yeah. We're wearing black because of the grease thing. Yeah, but still, it's not enough. It doesn't play because it's not a leather jacket. It's, why wouldn't he wear a leather jacket? It's most, it's wintertime, apparently. No semblance of that? Not on this air strip. Maybe they need to be warming up a little bit and they might need a little bit of, I think they might like

Doritos liquor. Oh, yes. Let's talk about the Doritos liquor because you've sent us a lot of questionable. alcohols over the years, Jackie, but I certainly have. This one is maybe the most questionable. I've read this article so many times trying to figure out what type of alcohol it is, and it is not able to be categorized. It's just

generic alcohol. It is just alcohol. And also, how dare you, MJ, you think that this is more intense than the Velvita Martini? Well, okay, so at least the Velveeta Martini seems to be ingredients made into a drink, whereas this seems to be a new

mystery category of alcohol that can't be put into a rum or a tequila or a vodka bucket. He literally seems to have... Vodka. It's vodka. Is it? Because in the article it says it's not categorized. It says it's nearly twice the average sum of super premium vodka.

But that is the only time and it's at the end of the article and it is the only time it is mentioned. And you are correct, they really should be up top with the fact that this is Doritos vodka. Just call it Doritos vodka. Because it says this grants him and his team the freedom to accept. experiment without conforming to the well-defined parameters of, say, a gin, a rum, or a whiskey. It's just, it's just alcohol. And he made it by soaking Doritos in, in malt liquor. Oh, yeah, man. I mean, I know that, like, people make their own, like, they'll put, like,

vanilla bean in and, like, let it sit and make, like, vanilla vodka. Or you, like, make that as little, like, crafts for the holidays, which I, oh, you know, everybody always loves boo. You love like a little flavored booze. I get that. I can't imagine like because of thinking of how easily the Doritos would become a paste at the bottom of my vodka, that truly yucks me out. I'm still like tasting the rumchata from last night and this conversation is making me actually physically ill. Rum chunkah. You're getting a real rum chanca.

That's okay, Hold on. What even is the point of rum chow? What is it again? Is it just milk and rum? I mean, what even? Rum chata is delicious, Holden. It's put it in your coffee. I'm telling you.

Put it in your coffee on Christmas morning and it is... I can see it good of coffee. I think several shots of it. I can't. I see less. You did take a lot of shots of Rotata yesterday. But yeah, it's so nasty. This is nasty.

The base is distilled beer, Pilsner malt. The Doritos were then introduced and allowed to infuse in the liquid under exacting time and pressure, vacuum distillation, blah, blah, blah. So you basically, it says you can think about the product as a nacho cheese flavored vodka. I don't know how it goes from being beer to be in vodka. But the goal, he says, quote, my goal was to recreate the entire experience of opening a bag of Doritos, getting that signature aroma followed by its flavor dance across the palate with its unmistakable, savory, cheesy, and umame notes.

And I'm saying I will drink this. I do love, though, that this is always the case. They just want to go viral. and it's so obvious because they never actually make enough of it to... Because I can't find it because that's the thing. I was straight up going to go. I went to multiple liquor stores yesterday because I was already looking for the rum chata. And so then I was like, I may as well look for the Doritos liquor and I can't find it anywhere.

Because here's the thing. I'm down to try these things. I don't know if any of you watch a little show called Good Putt, but you know I put my mouth where my money is, right? And that's disgusting because there's stuff a lock and knockouts on this. and it is no good for my mouth. But I would, I would drink the, God, sometimes my Florida comes out. I would drink this Doritos liquor.

I would absolutely drink the Doritos liquor. If you find it, put a little shot aside for me for next time I'm in L.A. All right. A pour one out for MJ, but then it'll stain my rug. But I think worth it because I'll be like, that's my rug stain that always makes me think of M.J.

It's going to smell like Doritos. because that's the goal. Especially once I get used to like, man, now that like I'm just piss free, you know, I guess that I could just start pissing wherever I am. Yeah. I think that the, I think that you still want to try to get everybody out. You want to get the piss out before the shower. I don't think you want to hold it till you get in the shower.

I think you want to let it out. But you don't want it to drip, drip out. You got to have a steady stream. I mean, I'm out here doing, I am doing the field research. Yeah. I'm doing this for us. Yeah. And does it make you feel better that I think about you every time I piss in the shower?

Both of us or just me? Yeah, both of you. Okay, good. Yeah, don't worry. Yeah, no, no, no. This is a collective affair. Also, in the same way that I am currently single white femaleing Holden because I did buy his exact car. And I want to destroy his life now.

Jackie took me in the studio this morning and I was like, this is so weird. This is my car with the same. I mean, the color's a little different, but that's about it. You even have like the wood, fake wood panel. crap on the Oh yeah Dash and the weird MJ I thought about you though

Because I immediately put on my Suck my Christmas playlist And the first song that I listened to In the car that is new to me And the first song that played was Merry did you know That your baby boy

And also I just signed all the paperwork And I've never bought a car before So it's truly horrifying And they don't tell you that They kept like looking me in the eye Being like are you ready to sell your life Are you ready to give over your soul? And I was like, I guess.

So, of course, Pentatonics came on immediately burst into tears. I cried all the way home. But I also thought about you. This is another area where page 7 has been, I think, unsung heroes slash influencers because you've been talking about, we've been talking about the Pentatonics Christmas album for many years over here at page seven. I embarrassingly loved their cover of Hallelujah,

which is not a Christmas song, even by any stretch of the imagination. No. And they also do a Mary Did You Know, which Jackie has been singing the praises of for years. And I don't know if you've had this experience, but everyone on TikTok is talking about Mary, did you know? Just like everyone on TikTok is doing Christmas shoes bits.

Wow. And so we really are shaping the Christmas discourse, I think. I love it. I'm not sure if we're shaping any broader discourse beyond Christmas and particular songs about Christmas. But we are shaping. shaping it. And Mary did you know is really busted into the mainstream now. And really before it used to just be musical theater nerds listening to Pentatonics. And I do want to encourage, not only did,

you know, we watched, I think you might like it today, but if you've never watched the music video for Christmas shoes, new songs, the Christmas shoes, if you see Rob Blow in the music video, it is not the music video that I'm talking about. The one that is originally made, for some reason, they have a dirty child in the store and he's holding up the shoes and it looks like they made it for 50 bucks and I watch, I at least get stoned and watch this music video by myself every year and join me in my own personal tradition and look up new song. But again, Christmas Shoes is also a movie starring a one Rob Lowe and there's also a music video where they have clips from said movie in the music video. and that's not the one I'm talking about.

Yeah, the worst thing about my entire life with page seven is that Jackie has now made it like an emotionally positive experience for me to listen to Christmas shoes. Like I now find it very moving. Like it's so sweeping and orchestral. It really hits you if you're, you know. Until the children singing. So I want to buy these shoes.

Best part. Best part. Shut up. Shut up. All right. I know that there's not a lot of celebrity gossip going on, but we must bring up the fact that the internet is going mad because Melissa Joan Hart is playing a grandmother in a movie.

And people are like, Melissa Joan, what? She's doing, squeeze me now because she is 47 years old. And she is playing a grandmother in a movie currently. Of course, it's a Lifetime Original movie titled, would you kill for me the Mary Bailey story, which I would watch the hell out of this movie. Do you watch the trailer? No, I didn't. I recommend watching the trailer because if you like a Lifetime original movie, and I do, it looks great.

And I don't know, I'm just not, I can't bring myself to be upset by this. I feel like I do a lot of 50-year-old grandmas when I was growing up. And, you know, yeah, she's 47. And honestly, I feel like this is one of the lesser annoying things about Melissa Joan Hart. For some reason, I'm always just a little bit annoyed by her, and I don't think it's fair. I think it's a me problem, not a her problem. But she looks like she's really trying to act the hell out of this dumb-ass movie, and I say good for her. I mean, you know, I, A, I come from the world of my, my entertainment largely is pornography.

And in pornography, she would be, only be able to be cast as a dead one, like an old, like an elderly retirement home. There's not a whole room, a lot of room for spectrum in the porn genre. You're considered elderly at like 28 in the porn business. So, you know, if we go by those rules, it's not that crazy. But it is very funny. 47, right? Yeah, 47, yeah. And then, honestly, it's not too, like, it's not too young to be a grandmother in real life.

Like, I understand that. I think it's just more than the shock for everyone our age to be like, oh, God, are we already in grandma territory? Definitely. Well, and for me, I mean, Winnie will be, what, seven? So it feels weird to be, for sure. And we also are of a generation where we, like, like previously, yeah, there was, like, there was a lot more 47-year-old grandmas. Like, like, you were saying MJ, like, when we were growing up, I feel like, like,

but our generation just put off a lot of things. Totally, totally. Like, my parents were like in their late 20s, I think, when they had me. And just in the area where I grew up, they felt like old parents to me, you know? And so and but now as like my friend who had a kid when she was 27, we all talked about her like she was like a teen mom. It was like a plan and purposeful pregnancy, but we were like, you're the youngest person to ever have a child. So yeah, I think that's, that's really the shift.

And I didn't really even realize that Melissa Joan Hart was like a little bit older than us. I think a lot of millennials identify with her as like their age, whereas I think 47 would put her a little bit more in the Gen X category. Yeah. But because we all grew up with Clarissa explains it all. And Sabrina the teenage witch, even if we were a little younger than her, I think we all identified with her so hard that, you know, it would be like Mark Paul Gossler being cast as a grandfather, which again wouldn't actually be that inappropriate anymore because unfortunately a lot of time has passed. Yeah. And they are old. teenagers anymore, but this is the wake-up call that we needed for the holidays.

You know, wake up, we're getting older, wake up. We're behind the timeline we're supposed to be on. She looks fantastic. You're dead in porn years. I'm dead in porn years. No. Does anyone want to watch this Lifetime movie with me? Yeah, I'll watch it.

It's like, oh, there's a mom, and she made the kid kill the dad, and Melissa. Joan Hart's going to stand up for her child or is it her grandchild? It's just everything that you want from a lifetime movie. It looks real. I'm just so glad that she has segued seamlessly from Holiday and Handcuffs, one of our page seven favorites to Lifetime movies. It's a very smooth path. But MJ, is it everything you want in a celebrity conspiracy?

Hit me with the shares. Oh, do you believe it? Is Hugh Jackman dating queer eyes Antony? Ooh, I'll watch that tape. Get out the avocados. Anything to make him more interesting, please. I got this same TikTok from a bunch of people on Instagram as well as write-ins on the page seven email. So thank all of you for being so on top of these celebrity conspiracies as they hit the airwaves.

And Alex is one of the people who wrote in about it, said, apparently Gaylor, herself is setting up a newly single Anthony and a newly single Hugh Jacked man. They then link to that instant post. Another one also from Rachel, either way, says, hello, page seven pals.

Recently I stumbled across an Instagram reel talking about when Taylor Swift and friends went to see Travis Kelsey play. This was obviously huge news everywhere at the time and still fucking is. And everyone saw the pictures of Tay, Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman hanging out in the stance,

but what everyone didn't see during this era, Taylor Swift reference, you're welcome, Holden, was that Anthony. I'm in my J-W-L-E-E-W-E-W-W. Wow, whatever. Heavenly, heavenly, wing. Heavenly flowers, that's what I call it down there. Oh, my God.

That's in my heaven. You're turning into now. It's changing you. You're turning into now. You want to sniff it? Oh, no. No, I don't. I keep my mind.

away from my mouth, that's for sure. I've keep my angels in there. God, I'd rather have a drink of rumchata. What you didn't see, everyone did see, was that Antony from Queer Eye was with them too. Antony recently announced that he called off his engagement to his fiancé after four years of being together. And do you know who also recently got divorced?

Hugh Jackman. Apparently, it's been long rumored the Jackman is secretly gay and is known to frequent the popular gay, neighborhood of WeHo West Hollywood where Antony and he allegedly met. I don't have any real proof that they are actually dating, but it seems awfully suspicious to me that both newly single Hugh Jackman and Anthony would choose to attend the game with another couple and their mutual friend who's going to see her new boyfriend. It seems like more triple date action might be happening here. I haven't seen anything about this spicy gossip anywhere yet. So hopefully

you haven't talked about it already on the pot. I want to believe this is true. and in the words of Jackie, I'd watch that tape. I would watch that tape. So they linked to this instant post as well as another link to a video of Taylor walking into the game with Jackman and Anthony side by side.

The Insta video just points out the above information. It's cute though. You should watch it. It's on it's Rachel Cochran. It's Rachel Cochran's Insta account. Side note, the blinds called Jackman out recently for deciding to pursue another beard relationship. and a link to an article about how he's apparently currently,

quote, romancing Broadway co-star Sutton Foster, which is that is pro-bearding right there. Sutton Foster. I would also, though, watch that tape. Absolutely, absolutely. Frantically Googling Sutton Foster. Oh, Sutton Foster, she's like huge Broadway. She's like, the Broadway person.

She's like, no, I feel like people, I know. I was going to say she's like the Bernadette Peters of our age. I feel like only that in that like, She is, like, well-known, even if you don't know anything about Broadway. Jagie, I just got a phone call. Because you made that reference, you are now a grandmother in TV and movies. Whoa. That is really.

She made yet. Unfortunately, that, you're now past as a grandmother. Whether or not she is the Bernadette Peters of our age, that's what puts you in the Grandmother category. You do you, Bert. Oh, God, put me in the golden girls. Oh, God. Bernardet Peters.

But I'm also staring at pictures of Hugh Jackman without a shirt on if that youngs me up at all. Does it? No, it doesn't. That's a mother, that's a grandmother. That's an hour mother age thing to do. You're right. My mom would also do this.

I think my mom would do this. Bernardet Peters is a real slice in her day, huh? I mean, Bernard Peters is hot. Woo. Brinette Peters is still hot. I keep thinking about Brenda Lee every time racking around the Christmas tree comes out and how she was pretty smoking as a young lady as well.

yeah but okay listen we all want Hugh Jackman to like love himself and find himself and I think that Anthony is the most logical place to land because it's just like what can go wrong there's really non-threatening everybody like everybody kind of hates him because he doesn't do anything but everybody loves him yeah he's hot to slice an avocado yeah you know it's very low impact yeah i feel like they're like hot in like very similar ways, you know. Um, so I think that this is great and kind of boring, honestly, kind of boring for both of them, but I would watch the tape. Oh yeah.

It wouldn't be like, again, it would be no like Randy Quaid sex tape, but like it certainly would be like, I will watch it. I don't think it's going to be like, I think it might be a little borough snore. Yeah. Anthony just, but good for them. I mean, Anthony, you know, I, I, I want to kiss him. a lot, but I also want him to find something about himself that is a little bit more interesting. Yeah, my problem is that, like, I always, ever since Anthony wore the A Little Life t-shirt, which is

one of my favorite books, he wore that t-shirt on an episode, and I was just like, do I love Anthony? Like, I never had any draw towards Anthony, but just because he was wearing the A Little life shirt that to me is one of my, I think, and if you've read the book, I think you'd be like, of course, Jackie, that's one of your favorite books, because it's very sad, very long, very sad. Well, and also we are in our hymbo era here at page seven. And so he's really a hymbo mascot. Like, he's like the hymbo, like life goals. That is the best you can do. Is he, though? I feel like he's more the otter-ass, like, mass ascot. I guess I got this.

I meant to say that. That's just because in my head, like, I see hymbo as like a Cassian. I'm thinking more like acutarchar, like big, thick. I think I guess I just think of, like, if we're thinking of, I mean, would we put like Ryan Gosling as a him, as Ken at least, or the way that Ken seem to embody him as a hymbo, right? Ken is the ultimate hymnbo. A handsome idiot. You're right. You're right.

Famous for having very little skills, you know, is kind of a dream hymbo, dream job for a hymbo. Yes. Barbie is now on like Matt Mawks and all the spots. I can't wait to watch it again. I rewatched it with Lexi the other night and it is fantastic. Yeah. I can't wait to watch it again. Except my problem is the only reason why I haven't is because I didn't want the Ken song to get stuck back into my head.

Got stuck in my head. Whatever, Jackie. You got Tis the damn season stuck in my head for days. Every morning I woke up. Well, it's the damn season. Are you upset about that, Hold'in? Yeah, really.

A little bit. Why? Because it's in Jackie's voice, her just going, da, da, da, da, da. You got me. You got me painful the weekend. It's not Tis the damn season.

It's the damn season. Jackie's version. It's right. Jackie's version. Not just Jackie's version. Drunk Jackie's version. Right? Drunk Jackie's version.

It on Jacob of the Holdies. which MJ will be replacing me on for the next couple weeks, by the way, so enjoy that, guys. Come hang out with us, Twitch.tv. forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. On Friday, we're going to be doing it at 3 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. This Friday and next Friday,

come get drunk with MJ and I, because I'm running it without Holden, which means it's going to be a shit show. So come hang out with us. We're going to have fun. It's going to be great. Techno Hazard is going to be awesome, guys. So I hope you guys have fun.

I'm jealous. I know, we're going to miss you, Haldi. We're going to miss you. I'll be screaming about family somewhere wishing I could just be shot into the moon. No, you're going to be pure daddy, and you love being pure daddy. You know, you're going to be at your family's house,

and you're going to be looking at your family, and then you're going to be singing to yourself, The Road Not Taking looks real good now. Timeblies, lessee at the mud out, you jumped out, Now I'm missing your smile. I can't hear it anymore. I love it. It's the day of season.

I love it. Haunting me. And you're going to miss us over the holiday. Go ahead and say it. Oh, say it, Holden. I'm going to miss you guys in the holiday. But don't worry. Next week, we are going to have a watch along with best Christmas ever.

So check that out because Brandy's name is Jackie in it. And don't worry, there's a fair share amount of me going, That's my name. as we got drunk and watched this movie. So definitely get your toddies ready. Ooh, get them all. Get your rum chunkas. Don't put them in the freezer.

And come holiday alongside us next week. Rump chunker. You're about to blow some rum chunkas. Is it time for the list? Yes, it is. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie. We got to have that list.

We've got to have that list. We've got more behind the scenes Christmas movie facts because I have been really slacking on watching my holiday movies this year. So I was looking into more. Now, don't worry, there's someone here that we already know. But of course, I'm not going to not repeat in the Muppet Christmas Carol. Michael Cain insisted that the only way he'd play Scrooge was if he pretended like the Muppets were real people and that he was acting in the Royal Shakespeare Company. He said before shooting director Brian Henson, Jim Henson's son, met with Michael Cain, to talk about how he might portray Scrooge in the film.

Kane said, I'm going to play this movie like I'm working with the Royal Shakespeare Company. I will never wink. I will never do anything more pity. I am going to play Scrooge as if it is an utterly dramatic role and there are no puppets around me. And boy did he. Boy did he. It's funny because every year there's like a meme that goes around that's like, isn't it funny that this is what Michael Kane did?

But it's, I think it's funny to know that that's like, he knows that that's what he did. And of course that's what he did. And that's the only way he would do it. Because of course it's the only choice to make. And I mean, I know that he, it's particular about this movie, but also most good Muppet movies, if you are an adult,

not an adult, a human, in there with them. I feel like most of the good Muppet movies, the actors make that choice also. Because if you were winking all over it, it would just be annoying. Right. And there's also, though, there's also the quote that Tim Curry said that's also part of that same meme. Right.

That he talks about being in Muppet Treasure Island. And as a pull, like on the opposite spectrum, Tim Curry decided to go in as a Muppet. Yeah. He saw himself in the character as a Muppet doing it, which is also a really fun take to do. Totally. But like, and I feel like Charles Groden and the Great Muppet Caper also is just like super committed. Kills it. Completely committed.

Yeah. So he's like actually... Sam himuppets take Manhattan. Honestly, that's what makes a great Muppet movie. You have to. Is the humans knowing how to play it? Yes, totally. And if they didn't, it would just not work.

So it's not like I want any credit to be taken away from Michael Cain for this. But it's like every year people rediscover that this is what's the fun thing about this movie. And it's like, yes, that is, of course, like, yes, he knew that he had to be Scrooge. He understood the assignment. Yes. And don't forget about Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas. And don't forget about the Christmas tour. which the Christmas toy is one of those ones that is from my childhood,

that I've now shown it to other people that didn't grow up with it. And they're like, this is kind of weird. And I'm like, oh, I watched it every year. I didn't realize this is weird because I like all the music and it's actually kind of sad. Which, of course, means I will love it. Now, this is something that I didn't know. I did watch Elf this season. In Elf, the baby, it's cold outside shower scene, wasn't actually in the original script.

Director John Favreau learned that Zoe Deschanel was a good singer while filming, so he added it in. That's fun. In an interview, Favreau said that he wrote it into the script because DeChanel's voice reminded him of Doris Day, and her old-timey sound gave the film a magical feeling. DeChernell also recently revealed that this bathroom scene was one of her favorites to shoot in the entire movie. So we were talking about how annoying I found it last week. But she does have a beautiful voice. I will give her that.

She does. I never said that she's not good at what she does. It's just sometimes the quirky, I'm not like the other girl's things, sometimes puts a bee upon my bonnet. Yes. I get it. And I love your bonnet today, by the way. It's like really pretty today.

Yeah, it's a good honor. Thank you for my bonnet. It's not like what she wears and when love is gone, right? Dumb bonnet alert! All right. In Die Hard. How dare you disrespect that bonnet? Yeah, I can't believe you're willing to say something negative about that scene.

I know. I disparaged it. I've got to do everything we can to get MJ to not be a fucking awful, just a claw, scler monster about that part of the movie. Sklar monster. Oh my God.

I thought, I was like, do we need to call an ambulance? M.J.'s eyes are rolling so hard into the back of their head. I thought you had an eye disease or something during that movie. We were all worried.

But I was thinking about it this morning because Jackie, if you don't watch along with us, Jackie makes us stop the film. And then because some versions have it and some versions don't. She makes everyone who's watching the non-having-it version, bring it up on YouTube, watch it,

and then we have to go back and restart the film because she thinks it's the fulcrum. It's the fulcrum. It's a fulcrum. It's a fulcum. It's a hundred and 50 times, the emotional fulcrum a lot. But I was thinking about it this morning, and unfortunately, you are right,

because it's not very often that you get a song. I mean, obviously there's a lot of love songs about love being over, but I feel like a children's, I was thinking about this morning, I thought a children's movie where she's just straight up like, dude, I do not love you anymore. It's over. Peace. And is pretty devastating.

Yeah. It is pretty sad. So I'll hand it to it. And every good kid's movie needs like a really weird sad party. Yeah. We all know this. MJ, did your heart just grow three sizes? Oh my God.

Oh, God. The Christmas spirit. The Christmas spirit. It's inside of MJ now. Now we're going to squeeze you. We're going to squeeze you ready to get all that spirit out of you. We're going to wring you dry, MJ. Yeah, now I just have to still deal with my tax problem.

Oh, God. Not taxes. Not during the holidays. And my elderly cat and my other sick cat and see if the Christmas spirit survives. It's an adult Christmas. That cat is a grandma in a holiday movie. No.

No. Great, great grandmother. But Rumchat, I think, will be the thing that feeds the little Christmas spirit It will save it. I promise you it will save it. But would this have, I guess, not save it because this movie is great.

In Die Hard, Bruce Willis' role was actually offered to 73-year-old Frank Sinatra first. Sinatra was contractually obligated to get first dibs because he starred in the film's prequel in 1968. What? In 1968, Frank Sinatra starred in a movie called The Detective, which was based on a book. Over a decade later, a sequel to that book was published.

That new book was the inspiration for the 1988 movie Die Hard, which technically made it a sequel to Sinatra's movie. Because Sinatra starred in that first movie, He was contractually obligated to get first dibs on the sequel. He was 73 at the time, so he graciously turned down the role. What rule book are they referring to? This whole, like, technically, it made in a sequel. He was contractually obligated.

I just don't, are they talking about SAG? Or are they just talk about some unofficial rulebook of like, well, if you write a book and then a movie comes out, then that means it has to be a sequel. It just all seems made up. Maybe old school Hollywood. Maybe it is like, I feel like there was a lot of like, yeah, back ham fisted, oh, well, we shake on a deal. Yes, that is the deal.

Like, I feel like it was a lot more greased palms and things like that that, like, we just don't get away with anymore. Yeah. Well, I know I talk about it all the time, but I cannot miss an opportunity to say it that I would have sex with young Frank Sinatra. Oh, yeah. All right. And Bruce Willis. And Bruce Willis. I think I need to watch Die Hard this year.

I haven't seen Die Hard in a long time. And I think it needs to be in the rotation this year. Such a good. And it is, as I really is the whole look. Christmas movie conversations. It is a fun alternative. If you need a little break from the standard Christmas film experience, it's a good... That's why, you know, sometimes you throw on a Jack Frost, not the scary one, you know, just

to see what else is out there. I still haven't watched my annual love, actually, because my husband has just officially moved into the I refuse camp, so I got to do it while he's at night court or something. Yeah, you got to wait. That's really, you know, I also have a husband that does not give a shit, I will say, about holiday movies. And so I just watch, I try to just have them on in the background.

Yeah. That's what you do when you're rapping presents. It'll be fine. I'll get my movies in. And yes, even though he is an asshole, I probably will watch the Santa Claus. And in the Santa Claus too, which weirdly enough I also like,

but just because of specifically the Molly Shannon scene where she sings a Christmas version of man, I feel like a woman, because she's trying to bang Santa Claus. and it is one of my favorite scenes in a Christmas movie, so I will still watch the Santa Claus 2. But according to this, in the Santa Claus 2,

Tim Allen had to stay in character around the child actors, even when cameras weren't rolling because a lot of the kids believed he was the real Santa. I don't buy this at all. He's such a asshole. Seems like something he wouldn't do. We just talked last week about how he's famous for being a dick. Yes.

And so he claims that he remained in character, but maybe he wasn't quite as much of a dick by them, but no, there's no way because he's middle of, like, he's still like the heyday of like home improvement and everything. So there's no way he wasn't an asshole on this set. Yeah, this is something that he tells to make himself look good. I think so, totally. Or, I mean, I can't imagine a spider crawling on my face.

But in home alone, the prop department originally created a fake tarantula to put on Daniel Stern's face. But director Chris Columbus insisted on, using a real one, and its name was Barry. Absolutely not. The animal trainer on set told Stern he'd be fine during the scene as long as he didn't make any sudden movements. Stern responded, but I'm going to be screaming in Barry's face.

Do you think he'll feel threatened by that? The animal trainer simply said, Barry doesn't have ears. He can't hear. Relax. Don't tell me to relax when you're putting a fucking tarantula on my face. This is like the story that I'm sure you'll get into in the leftovers about Sidney's Sweeney getting bitten by a real spider on the film. And everybody thought she was just doing a great job acting.

And it's terrifying. And the idea of having to, I would, I would quit. No, do not put a tarantula on my face. Absolutely not. I don't care if I'm at home alone for the rest of my life and be proud of that for the rest of my life. No. I won't do it.

Well, there you go. But would you get your tongue suction by a hidden vacuum? Sure. Like they did in a Christmas story for Flick's tongue when he puts it on the pole. They actually, they, so, According to Scott Schwartz, who played Flick, the set directors actually put a piece of plastic over the flag pole to film the scene.

It had a little hole in it with a suction tube that went into the snow. You couldn't see it. It was a little motor like a small vacuum cleaner and the hole's opening in the plastic was about the size of your pinky nail. So when you put your tongue there or finger or whatever, it just got stuck.

I'm so glad. I'm scared of that. No, but I always watched the scene and I always thought that because this was made a long time ago and they just did crazy things to actors back then. I just assumed that they actually stuck that kid's tongue to the pole. because it is outside and it's cold and it's a real metal pole

and I was always so worried about him. So I'm actually very relieved to hear that this is how they did it. I would just be so scared that my tongue was going to get ripped out of my face by the vacuum. I'm sure it's like the lightest suction. Like it's barely, you know what I mean? Back then? I don't know. You don't need a lot. You don't need a ton to keep it there.

To get the tongue to stick there. It's not like you're like ripping it off at that point. I'd be too scared to. It's funny that the kid who plays Flick is named Schwartz because the other kid is named Schwartz. in the movie. Isn't that interesting? It is interesting. Thank you, MJ. Now, I feel like a lot of of these other ones on here are ones that we know already. Like, you know, Buzz's girlfriend, Wolf and Home Alone is actually the art director's son wearing a wig. And the fact that Emma Thompson wore a fat suit in love actually, which is ridiculous. I didn't know that. And

the fact that there were actually four other plot lines in Love Actually that were shot, that are not a part of the movie. And, you know, I love now how much the memes are like, man, love actually really fucked with a lot of our feelings about how we're supposed to be it. Yeah. Yeah, we were all really psychologically damaged by it. But I loved it. But now we watch it every year.

I know. I still watch it every year, even though, like, I still get upset. I'm like, she's the chubby one. Like, you know, that still forever upsets me. I can't believe I'm a Thompson wore a fat suit. I thought she just had like a regular lady's body. Yes, no, she were a fat suit. Wow.

I'm upset. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just blew your mind. Fucking shallow howling it over here. I'm a Thompson. How could you? You know, probably wasn't her fault.

I'm sure she didn't ask for the fat suit. It doesn't seem like something she would do. No, no, no, no. She seems pretty chill. Could I have a bit of a mom-bored fat suit for the film. Can be a fat suit? Put me right into character of a frumpy mum. Well, you didn't blow my mom.

but I think I'm going. Blind! Items! Oh, we can't see him! This former A-plus list singer who was also a bad actor, this is according to the blinds. He probably is a bad actor, though,

was miserable at a recent opening because he found out his comps suite was not even in the top ten of the nicest at the hotel. Not even in the top ten. Not even in the top ten. Bad actor. And he used to be a singer.

And do we think he's a bad actor? People think he's annoying now. And he made the... Will Smith. No, he made the adult baby woman upset. And she wrote about it in a book. Oh, Justin Timberlin. Oh.

The adult baby... You don't call her adult baby when she's traumatized. She talks like a baby. She talks like a little baby or whatever. She does. She's like, it's the good chip. She doesn't take that when she was dancing with the blades? No, she doesn't.

Well, she's dancing with the blades. She's dancing with blades, but that's not something a baby does. Is that what Winnie does? I promise the other blinds are slightly more interesting that he was mad about his room, but I just wanted to make fun of Justin Timberlake and him being mad about a hotel room, not being as nice as he wanted it to be. Just imagine him going, uh, mu, uh, he headlined a show for the opening of the Fontainebleau in Las Vegas. Wow.

Whoa. Wow. Good for him, I guess. Why don't he go strum in the back? bathroom, you bastard. Did somebody in chat yesterday said this? And I hope it's true that Wu-Tang just announced a residency in Vegas, by the way. I will fucking go.

I will go so hard to see that. That would be amazing. I'd go see that. This former A-plus list mostly television actor now directs porn shoots for fun. I stopped listening to you because I was looking up if Wu-Tang claims starting residency. And the answer is yes. Yeah, I got to go. I saw Wu-Tang rage back in the day.

It was fucking crazy. good. We gotta go. So this former A-plus list, mostly television actor now directs porn shoots for fun. This would make sense for him. He had a very public... James Franco. No, great guess. Older than James Franco.

He's really well known for a dumb TV show that sucks. They ran forever. But then he like went AWOL. He went AWOL. He went AWOL, Jackie. The race car driver. No, not the race car man. He is...

It's like a sitcom that was like obnoxious, kind of like in the vein of um, uh, fuck, Big Bang Theory kind of in the same time period as Big Bang Theory as well. He, I could say some stuff that would immediately give it away. He got real hype about himself in interviews, probably because he was doing a ton of cocaine. I think crack as well. He gave a, oh, oh, oh, fucking Charlie, uh, Cheen. Tiger blood is going to be like, I can just say tiger blood right now. But yeah, two and a half.

Remember two and a half men? And how much that was on TV back in the day and how much money people made off? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Charlie Sheen, I bet he's directing porn shoots for fun. That completely makes sense. It goes along with his whole MO.

He apparently really pissed off his ex. He said, like, I'm essentially a single dad. And his ex was like, no, he's fucking not. Which I just wasn't even enough to include it in anything. It's just that was literally it. It was like, yeah, I bet. I bet. That's not good.

All right. Last of the blindies for you. One of the TV shows hosted by this foreign born a list chef is being called out for not being even close to being real. The whole helping the owner thing is all fake as is the conflict. Gordon Ramsey would never lie to us. Yeah. What show?

He would never hotel hell? Nope. Or the other one. Hell's Kitchen. Nope. It's another one. I'm having a bad dream. I'm having a...

Nightmare. Kitchen nightmares. And I'm having one in the key. Yes, there you go. Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmares. Uh, yeah, apparently they don't even make the food in the restaurant, Jackie. So maybe you should watch something else in the hotel room with MJ before the next live show. No, that's what we do.

Nope. Not happening anymore. He's too busy having another child. Not happening anymore, and I can see that because I can see again. Welcome back. You just see. You want the weakest think. Hello.

Hello. Hello. welcome back Holden. We did it. Our last episode of 20, 23, that we're recording in person. We've already recorded the other ones coming out over the holidays. Man. Wow.

It's been a year. Yeah, I've been through everything with you guys this year. It's been wild. All the live show stuff and everything. I mean, we have just gone. We have, we have grown three sizes this year in our hearts and our, and for me and my body. We really have. We spent the whole year together.

I feel like I am fine. five years older than I was and I also want to say thank you to everyone that supported us over this last year thank you to everyone that came out to the release the Butthole Cut Tour thank you to everybody that came out to see it multiple times

I just want to say we couldn't have done it without you guys and we wouldn't still be here all of these, think about it 2012 that was you know that's 11 years ago we've been most likely doing this show I think for 14 years so thank you guys for always hanging out with us and for listening to us and for, you know, writing in when you piss in the shower

and getting me to piss in the shower. And I just want to say- Changing lives over here. Changing lives. It was so many awesome moments of this year with stuff like that. Yeah, thanks for all your celebrity conspiracies, blind items, everything. And even the people who told us to talk about Taylor Swift last. I shout out to you guys. I thank you too. We love you too. Because we're even at a point where we're ready to talking about Taylor Swift. So don't worry. I would assume that you are as well. And we love you guys so much. And I just want to say thank you. And for the last time this year, my name is Jackie Zabrowski. So that means I cannot say my name until the end of the year. So it's going to be difficult for me. It's going to be difficult for me to be doing a lot of things. And thank God I already got the car.

I don't have to worry about any of that paperwork. So happy. I feel so much safer for you. Yeah. That you got that car. Yeah. My car is not 28 years old anymore. But I can't just go, ah, back when a car was a car, when I would, like, roll down the window and have to open my driver's side door from the inside. But I can't say that anymore. So thank you guys so much. We really love you and really appreciate all of your support.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. Come to hang out with us for the next two Fridays over on Twitch. dot TV forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. Jacking with the MJs. We are going to be hanging out at 3 p.m. Pacific Standard. time, 6 p.m. Eastern Standard time, come hang out with us. You don't even got to sign up for Twitch. You could just come chill. You ain't got to pay nothing. And we are going to be getting drunk. So come get drunk with us. There you go. What was I going to say? Yeah, honestly, just go to a

know it's Jackie. I will have, I am done streaming for the year, but I will have streams the new year, Twitch.combe, fort slash Holdenators Ho. And go on there and you can rewatch the 12-hour holiday spectacular is on there in old episodes, and I will be back in the new year with Holdenade or so on Twitch. And LPN TV on Twitch as well. So many great shows, Good Put with Jackie and Henry. I do tears of a clown with Jake on Wednesdays. Check out LPNTV.

Patreon.com 4 slash page 7 podcast. Get over their weekly bonus content for just $5 a month. Add free episodes from the main feed. All the delights of the world. And for $10 a month, the Jersey Shore. watch along also also page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Thank you again for sending in all that stuff. MJ. My name is MJ. I am so, so grateful for all of you. It really has been an amazing year. I'm grateful for you too. I'm grateful we got to spend so much time together this year. And to everybody who came out. And I hope everybody has like a giving and restful and safe and loving holiday season. And I'm MJK Lcat on Instagram.

All right. Remember to not just take care of all their. people but to also take care of yourself during this time period. It's very difficult. We lose that completely. Remember to do what you can. Drink water. Drink runchata. Take good care of yourself because the only person that's going to take care of you is you. And also,

yeah, drink enough romchata that your belly hurts. But then drink water after that so that your belly stops hurting. And it's time for the shout-out song, guys. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that

you wrote it about. Come on. We're going to read them to you. Come on. Oh, Lord, it's the last shoutouts of the year, the last shoutouts of the year. And you can send in your own shoutouts next year to page 7 podcasts at gmail.com and I would love to read them. Send whatever the heck you want. We get, oh, we get great memories from people, we get good updates from people, we get recommendations from people and I just want to say thank you for always taking the time to submit shoutouts or just any emails to page 7 podcast at gmail.com because we always feel so much support from them. And I just want to say, I love you guys so much and thank you so much. And I can't wait to be back.

I guess the next two are pre-recorded. So I'll be back with shoutouts in three weeks from now. So get in your early 2024 shoutouts, everybody, because we've got some shoutouts going, well, this is not so much, this is more of a memory, but I needed to share this, M, because this is, I love hearing these stories from parents. M said, you guys were talking on today's episode about the lack of supervision of kids in the 50s.

My dad narrowly avoided being flattened into a pancake by my aunt and uncle. Their house was on top of the hill in upstate New York with a train that ran occasionally at the bottom of the hill. My aunt and uncle had decided that they didn't want their annoying little brother around anymore, absolutely psychotic, so they strapped him to a sled

and waited for the train to come by to send him down. He must have been around four or five. Somebody in the house must have seen out the window what was happening and ran out and stopped them at the last minute. My dad talked about the record beating his brother and sister God after that like it's a normal thing to do. Thank you so much for sharing. And man, these kind of stories that we hear from our parents, I'm just like, Jesus.

And then, like, and it always follows, like, then I was beaten within an inch of my life. You're like, oh my God, are these stories supposed to like lift us up? But no, they're just telling their tales. So thank you so much. I also want to send out a shout out to Caroline, who wrote in, and I can't wait to listen to this podcast. I'm going to listen to it while I'm wrapping presents. Caroline says, I volunteer with an educational podcast called Sexing History.

We have an episode from season three called, Oh, Come, All Ye Faithful, get it, that explores the law historic connection between Christmas and sex. If you're interested, I really recommend giving it a listen to help inspire sexy Christmas. You can find Sexing History on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or on their website. Again, if you want to check it out, that is sexing history from episode from a season three called Oh Come All Ye Faithful. Check it out. Thank you so much, Caroline. Now, I've got, we got a couple of adorable wife shoutouts. This one comes in from Jacobs. Jacob says, I want to give a shout out to my lovely wife, Emily, or as I call her, Emwee.

I want to surprise her with a shoutout from her favorite podcast. She really loves you guys, and I know your podcast brings a little extra light to her life. She's always telling me Jackie is her spirit animal, so I just want her to know how much her family loves and appreciates her. Hopefully, you guys can get to my email, yes, and we're shout, shouting it, shouting it all out. This goes out to you, M-wee. I love your love. And thank you so much, Jacobs, for sending in a beautiful shout out to M. And we've got another wife shout out.

This one comes in from Patrick. Patrick says, I'd like to take a minute to shout out my wonderful wife, who's not actually my wife at the moment, since we're engaged, but it feels like she already is. Anyway, she loves listening to you, Jackie, and Golden Holden and MJ, as much as I do, it does sound like we piss on Holden, but after this conversation today, I don't know what's going to be in store for my future. Anyway, she's been struggle bussing lately due to us expecting our second child in February 29th leap here, baby. Hell yeah, congratulations. Congratulations. So I just wanted her to hear my words not only from my voice, but yours as well. Callie, you are amazing,

and that is an understatement in and of itself. While I go to work every day, you do everything you can to make sure that the house isn't crazy and all is clean and well while also keeping our first son Lincoln happy throughout the week. You work endlessly even after your boys are both asleep and I cherish and love you every moment I can. So thanks for being the best, honey. Love Patrick. Oh, and congratulations to you, Callie, and Patrick for your second baby coming soon. Oh, I wish you both the best, and I hope that you're making it through this holiday season. Oh, as well as you can with, you know, being as pregnant as you are, Callie. You're doing it.

You're making it through. You got this shit. And I love both of your love. And I'm sending big kisses both of your way. Now, our last shout out goes out to a newer friend over on Twitch, Jupiter Juliet. Juliet says, I have a shoutout for myself going into the new year. This year I turned 21. My psychiatrist quit on short notice and I quit a long-term medication that wasn't serving me anymore and subsequently fell into a deep pit of medication withdrawals,

isolation and paranoia. Oh my God, I understand you, Juliet. I thought every day would be my last. But my mom, who I live with again, worked hard to get me help when I couldn't do it for myself and lent me support and understanding when I needed it most. Additional shout out to Beth! the hope she gave me and the work I put into myself, I was able to pull through, stabilize, and I can finally envision a future for the first time in my life. I am ready to take responsibility, hold kindness in my heart, and build a life worth living. I'm making radical changes to my attitude and building my days around a meaningful routine, as well as Twitch streams, Avi. Any previous version of me would gag if she even thought of writing this, but New Juliet places

value in herself. And the more I say it, the more I believe it! That shifted me happened around the same time I graduated from listening to old reruns of Roundtable. I'm talking around 2,000 hours last year on my Spotify wrapped to finally listening to page seven. The growth you three have exhibited was absolutely alarming to my cynical mind and almost annoying. What happened to my crass internet friends? Trapped in that time capsule, unable to move on or grow up without me. But I kept listening to page seven, and your positive and mature influence

exposed bright spots in a previous dreary world. Life can be worth something, but only if you make it. In this new year, I am manifesting nothing but goodness for my mother, myself, the page seven crew, and us listeners. Manifesting hearts and smiley faces and peace signs. Do you feel it?

Tell me when you feel it. I feel it, Juliet, I feel it. And thank you so much for sharing that. And thank you for everyone for writing in your shoutouts, because you're right. We got to manifest goodness for ourselves and for others. We will get through this holiday season. We will start this new year off on the right track. Hell yeah, Juliet.

Thank you so much for writing in. And I'm sending so much love to everyone that is listening right now. I know that the holidays are really hard for a lot of people out there. and again, we've got this shit. We're going to go through it with flying colors, and even if it's not flying colors, even if we get knocked down a couple of pegs, it's okay. We can always start again anytime,

whether it's the new year or whether it's a freaking Tuesday. You got this shit, all right? Believe in yourself. I believe in you. Oh my God, am I becoming the end of Scrooge right now? Anyway, I got to get out of here. Love you guys. We will be back next week with our pre-recorded episode,

and we will miss you so much, and we'll see you in the new year. Love you, love you. you. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.