Page 7 - Ep. 518: The 'Thank You Bitches' Award

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

WE'RE BACK BABY!!! Jackie finally got her WISH, MJ went outside of the house 2 times this weekend! (GETTIN' OUT 2024) and Holden's embracing his bourbon haze goblin life with Bad Surgeon: Love Under the Knife and peepin' on nudey gobs in Baldur's Gate 3. SOMETHING HAPPENS IN SALTBURN!!! Calvin Klein has blessed our 2024 with a gift of an ad, Jacob Elordi ate a bunch of bacon to be Elvis and Gideon doesn't get all these Elvis references, Holden sure knows a lot about the new Ariana Grande single for someone who doesn't like her.......Jackie keeps coming back to the gift from CK, sexy purring horses show up at some point, remember to never see the joke BEFORE The Hog, Jackie contends that The Iron Claw was NOT sexy, GOLDEN GLOBES BREAKDOWN Y'ALL! Jo Koy panicked during his monologue like he was at an open mic night and NEVER THROW YOUR WRITERS UNDER THE BUS, Holden and MJ are at odds on T Swifts response to The Joke, a whole new category was created for Barbie, Cillian Murphy had something on his face, Christopher Nolan got toasty and roasty in a Peloton class and Holden's all for it, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Did Timothée Chalamet give Chlamydia to half of NYU!?, a list of lists, a blind that can't be believed and SHOUT OUUUUTS! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

On the dance floor And you'd better not kill the groove Hey hey hey hey Man on the dance floor Sing it holds it I know it's in your head too But yeah That's the other moves

DJ Got to Yes I sort of know the words I was like Please don't ask me to sing it I know the song you're referencing But I don't know the words

Don't worry it'll haunt your brain For the next two days This MJ just watched salt burn Okay you're completing because you watched Salt Burn days ago. I watched Salt Burn weeks ago. How'd you think I feel? I'm so sad to hear it's still in your head.

Let's talk about Cox. Hey. We already welcomed them to 2024. We did a happy New Year's episode. Yeah, but I don't know. But that was before time. Now it's us. Now we're in it.

Holden is just starting the year, by the way. He's just beginning it. So you have to give him some space. Well, he's a solo daddy man. He doesn't have a child to take care of. So he's living. I mean, I want to hear if you emotionally regressed, as you predicted you would, but it sounds like you're emotionally regressing right now to, you know, man in his 20s without a child.

You know what it is? I could sleep. I can sleep. You're bored? There's a ghost in my house. You're bored by all of your options. There's a ghost. Every now and again, I see it out the corner of my eye, man.

My mind is playing tricks on me, dude. This is the problem. I need the structure. I hate to say it. I'm a shadowy, bourbon-y stones. You know you can create a temporary structure. You know that you

can create a structure for yourself. You can just get a piece of paper and write down a schedule for yourself. There's a ghost in my house. You can still get up at the same time. You know you don't have to drink until your blackout every night. You know you don't have to do that. I have not been doing that. I've been being quite good.

I've been going on my little jogs, things like that. But there's still a Weirdness that I'm starting to turn right about now. We're like, because I got it on Tuesday. Oh, yeah, it's been a full week. That's when the turning happens. That's when things start getting grim within the man. When his wife and child are away this life.

First, oh, it's a party. At first, oh, yeah, I'm dancing around naked, all that. To the song. Like the end of Saltburn. Absolutely. Spoilers, but hey, come on. It's free on something, right? So you can watch it.

Please check out Saltburn. We won't spoil Saltburn. And I don't think knowing that there's dancing at the end will necessarily spoil it. But I do, as a latecomer, I literally finished watching it right before we started recording. So I'm feeling a little bit weird. Actually, yeah, now that you mentioned it,

if you had had me watch the first like 15 minutes of that movie and then said, sorry about this spoiler, but there's dancing at the end. I'd have been like, that is the least surprising thing I've heard in my life. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, I thought it was going to be wrong. And MJ, I was like, I was like, you guys got to watch this movie because I need to talk about it somewhere.

I need to get it out of my system because I went into the movie knowing absolutely nothing. And if you know absolutely nothing about Saltburn, you should stop listening to this right now and go watch Salt Burn instead. But not that we're not going to ruin anything. I just want you to know that it's surprising. But I give it three cum-filled blood oranges out of three. And that's the amount of cum-filled blood oranges I want from an Oscar movie. That's what I'm asking for. If you really want to make it interesting, you can do what Gideon and I did, which was, I forgot until, or no, I didn't forget.

I knew that we needed to watch it by Tuesday when we record, but our weekend ended up being, like, busy and fun. How dare you have busy and fun? On Saturday night and Sunday night, no time to even watch growing up things. But did you go out of the house? Out of the house, two nights in a row, man. What? Baby. 2024.

Leave at the house, 2020. Wow. Was there a ghost in it? That's why you had to leave it? No ghosts in this house, although it is over a hundred years old. Whoa, oh, there's ghosts in that house. Definitely. And it's above a store and a restaurant, so there's probably a lot of ghosts.

A lot of rat ghosts. Yeah, where are all the rat ghosts? What do they just ran past your feet right now? Oh, that's the thing. And you feel their tails. But listen, Gideon, okay, so we started Monday night, and I always fall asleep on the couch. It's very hard for me to finish a movie. so we watched the first hour of saltburn before I fell asleep.

And then I was like, I'm sorry, Gideon, I have to finish this without you in the morning. And so he has only seen the first hour of saltburn, which if you haven't seen saltburn, all you need to know is that the second hour is very different than the first hour. So he has no idea. I kept saying, I'm waiting for all the fucking and suckin. And that's not even exactly what we get. But something happens in the second hour and it's not what you expect. Man, I'm telling you, I watch movies now, like people read fucking magazines.

I'm like, I'm in for a couple minutes here, a few more minutes there. There's no commitment. It's insane. I have no ability anymore to sit and enjoy a full-length movie unless I'm in the theater. But I was thinking about Jackie. Jackie just watches movies. She's just such a connoisseur. Bro, on Sunday, I finally got my wish.

And my wish was to watch Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Rings, extended a day. and I, so I got Jeff to watch the first four-hour long movie with me. Dang, you had to like get him. He's not down with the Tolkien. No, he's down with the Tolkien. He seems like a bad. He's done with the Tolkien. Yeah, he seems like a guy who is going to hang out with Jared Tolkien.

He is understandably has been over the years annoyed by the fan base. I could see that. And to a point that, like he's like, I feel like I'm so inundated by it. But then we watch it and he remembers the magic. We watch that. And then we watched Society of the Snow, which is the, two and a half hour long movie that was based on the

what happened to the Chilean rugby players when they were trapped in the Andes and so we watched four hours of Fellowship of the Rings two and a half hours of Society of Snow and afterwards we looked at each other we're like woo!

Yeah. That's a lot of getting lost and never once did you want to fall asleep on the couch? Nah bro. I was man Society to Snow is it a dock? Is it a dock? It is not, but it is done by, because, like, you know, there's also alive. But this movie is brutal.

Like, it shows a lot more of what they went through. And also, they shot where the plane went down. So I can't imagine being there happening, like, what happened to them? Because, like, we know what happens, but then it's about the brutality. Yeah, there's a lot of eat nass. That's what everybody thinks about what they think about the Andy's play crash is eating ass. It started with the ass. I know that.

Yeah, we all know. We all saw the movie. You got to start with the ass. But no, this is a lot more, there's nothing cartoonish about it. Very, very upsetting. And I loved it. I got to get in. I was getting a little dark last night with some bad surgeon.

That's a fun one. You got to get in there. What's bad surgeon? This whack-a-do fraud. It should be on. fraudsters. This Wackadoos surgeon just made everybody believe he was like amazing. But he's a bad surgeon. He started putting fake wind pipes into plastic wind pipes into people and it wasn't good. And they were all dying. Love Under the Night. It's a nightmare. I know. What a

crazy subtitle. Bad Surgeon. What a dumb subtitle. Love Under the Night. I think it's a I love Bad Surgeon. Bad Surgeon. By the way, also yeah, bad surgeon's like what I would call a a sketch I wrote for murder. That's why I think. It does sound like a sketch. It does sound like a sketch. By the way, trigger warning for that thing. That thing's dark. I started watching it with Lexia. We had to stop because she was just

sobbing like 20 minutes in. Good to know. It's dark. So proceed at your own. If you're into that kind of thing, you're sick. I love being upset. But it's a good watch. I love being upset. Especially, oh my God, I wrote down all of the

movies we watched over the holidays to Like, we consume too much media. I dare say. But I just replace a lot of that with, I've been playing Baldersgate 3 and spy. I've been just also just sitting and just staring at the goblins. At the goblin camp, Jackie. I can bang them too. I can fuck them.

Yeah, and you can fuck them bear in the game. Are you a goblin or are you? I'm a green man, but I'm not a goblin. I'm the Githi-Yer-Ger-All right, I'm asleep. I'm like to sleep. When I'm in my house. Now you're getting there with me. Now you can finally you're getting there with me on this.

No, I'm like, I'm like looking at you and I'm not listening to what you're saying because all I'm actually doing is out of the corner of my eye looking at the picture of Jeremy Allen White in the Calvin Klein underwear. Yes. Talk about my car. Man, talk talk about happy 2024. What a gift for us. I obviously I didn't know that this ad was coming out and I just was on. on Instagram and I went, holy God.

Like, it really just, like, made me stop, mouth agape. Just going like, oh. Yeah. What? What? Yeah. And are you guys lusty for a Salfurn guy as well? Barry Keoggan or Jared Allerty.

The big old. Mr. Honker. I love for Mr. Honker. Yeah, definitely. Six five. Oh, well, I also watched Priscilla over the holiday, too. Oh, yeah.

That's what I kept. Gideon knows none of our references, you guys, and it's very hard because I kept being like, Gideon was like looking up everybody's, you know, what they were in. And he was like, oh, this guy, he played Elvis. And I was like, was he the Elvis who forgot that he wasn't Elvis? And Gideon was like, what? And I was like, you know, one of the Elvis's, Austin Butler, used to be like Elvis. And then one of the Elvis has got so much like Elvis.

He couldn't stop being Elvis. And Gidey was like, I don't know what you're talking about. That's other Elvis. That's awesome Butler. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And but Jacob Allerty is the other Elvis that, like, he's straight up.

I think he said something along the lines of like, yeah, I didn't go that far, but like I did eat like six pounds of bacon. Oh, he's the bacon guy. He talked about it on here. Yes, okay, all right. He's the big. Well, because I do want to kiss him. I don't want to kiss the little guy from Saltburn. But Barry Keogh is so amazing.

And recently the Elvis from Elvis said, oh, yo, my don't. Get out of here, Elvis. He still Elvis. He hasn't stopped. Get out of here. Jacob Lurdy was great. And I, between that and euphoria. Like Jacob Ballardy is so good.

Yeah. He's just so good. And like that's a crazy thing too because Barry Keogan is, is what an amazing character actor. Yeah. And to watch him go head to head with like this hot, also amazing actor, man, saltburn. I understand if it's not for you. Don't get me wrong. If you watch what the fuck is wrong with these people, I get it.

It's a weird movie. But it's so for me. I mean, I think it's got. everything that we like here at page seven, which is just like a budding queer romance, you know, a creepy family and like beautiful scenery. What's not to like?

And loads. And loads. And like definitely loads. And I watched it in a movie theater like the second day after it came out. And so I didn't know anything about it. We went to go see it blind just because I love Barry Keogan and Jacob Lorty.

So I was like, ah, fuck it. Let's just go see it. And the whole theater together was just like, what? Yeah. Like a loud. reacting to the movie, it was so great. Yeah.

Do people think it's good or do people think it's bad? I think people like it. I think you either love it or you hate it. Yeah, I think it's divisive. Okay. Yeah, it's definitely you love it or you hate it. Because, like, I was reading this interview by Sophie Ellis Baxter, a Bexter who sings murder on the dance floor.

And she saw the movie with her mother and her 19-year-old son. And she's like, I'm just sitting there looking over at my son. and my mother just being like, well, my song is in it. I was going to say, I bet she has to fucking love it, honestly, at the end of the day, because that got her song from like 2007 back on the top of the charts. From 2001, yeah. And like it was big then, but like not as big as it is now. Yeah.

Which go for. Nice. I hadn't really heard of her very much. So it made me want to like go listen to her albums. Yes, man. Yes, man. Yes. I guess I'm saying, I guess I'm saying.

yes for the rest of the day. What are you guys going to make me do? Without an Ariana Grande single? Ew. Yeah, that's what I'm going to put it on. It's called yes and it's coming out soon. Yeah, I said yes man. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying yes and you'd be dead to me. I think that you're just so, maybe you're becoming an

orionator. Ariana, is that what you're going to do after you steal, if you take this, you didn't do anything or whatever, but maybe you got with this guy who you knew had a pregnant wife with an infant or whatever. Stop yelling at Ariana. Yes, and dot, dot, dot, question mark.

I'm, you can't. Bad taste. You're bringing too much anger energy into me staring at this picture of Jeremy Ellen White just like holding down his underpants. This is just, I can't. More like SpongeBob Square pants, Ariana. I'm looking at you. Not you, but I'm looking at Ariana.

You're looking at me. Well, I know, but I'm thinking. about Ariana. You're looking at me, thinking about Ariana with heat in your eyes. Saying I'm not looking at you while looking directly at you. Right at me. But my mind's eye is seeing this person. I have words I can use, right?

She's tried to steal my whole fan base from under my fucking nose. Interesting. You're not upset at the Brendanators. Brendanators, you're not as upset with Brenda Lee, Ariana, but can go to hell? Who is Brenda Lee? Remember rock it around the Christmas tree? And she calls her fans, Brendanators.

Is she alive? I think she's 79. How dare you? We just talked about it. She's barely alive, but she's hanging on. I'm not going to get mad at a 79-year-old anybody. She was finally able to get to the top, the number one, all right? Give it to her.

Well, now she's number two in my fucking book. What, do you just make her dokey, bro? Leave your dookies out of this. What? Are we even to... All right, I get it. He made... This guy screwed up all your marbles.

And now you can't stop looking at him. But now we're talking about brindonators. I just don't care about Calvin Klein ads at all, but this happens to be a good one. Yeah. It is. He's sexy. He's a hazy. Who are you most lust-filled for between him and the saltburn guys?

Oh, good question. The other ones, you have to execute. No. No. The other ones have to get publicly executed. And the other one has, gives you love. It's not fuckberry kill. It's just execute two.

Execute. to receive the lust of the third. Wow. Well, it's not fair because I'm staring at the picture of Jeremy Allen White. I feel like that's... Yeah, oh, that's hard because here's the thing. I want to see what Barry Keogan does. Yeah.

In the future. Well, can I sing you a little fucking ditty it goes like this? Bet on it, bed on it. I will bet on it. I will bet on it. High school musical two, ever heard of it? No, you could be talking about Iron Claw, which Jeremy Allen White and Zecalfron are in together, which I also did see over the holidays.

Wow, you already saw it. I already saw it. What do you think? Very sad. Was it sexy? It is... Nay. Says the sexy horse.

Nothing there. Yeah, it's a... No. I guess that's a horse perm. I don't know anything about horses except that they're big and their hooves scare me. It's good to be back. Yeah, it's good to be back. I guess I'm going to...

This is hard, but I think for the good of the people, I'm going to choose Barry Keogan. Wow. For lust? Yeah, for the lust. I'm going to choose him for the good of the people. You're doing it for the good of the people, not because of that crazy thing he's got swinging around.

And, you know, I feel like, you know, character actors, they probably give it better. Oh, are you making a Joe Coy joke? Listen, also, Joe Coy made a joke about Barry Coy. Keogan's hog, which I saw before finishing saltburn. And now I can, it's a- Oh, you saw the joke before the hog? I saw the joke before the hog. It's a fine hog. Never see the joke before the hog. It's a great hog. I'm just, I thought that it would be like a, your hog precedes you. But I think it was just because there was any, any film with a hog.

Any hog. I mean, it's a hog. It's not a fun. It's a good hug. It's his hog. Yeah, and it's really his hog. Yeah. No, it was a good, I'm not, I'm not complaining about the hog. But if I'm choosing a hog to get lust from. It's going to be, I was going to say Jacob Allerty, but he's 26, which is a fine age to get lust from, but Jeremy Allen White is 31, and so I have to go for the 31-year-old. And obviously, we know his hog is fine, too, from the Calvin Klein ads. Two great men were executed today, and that is sad. I think only Jacob Allerty. Oh, just Jacob Allerty. Yeah. Good Lordy Lou. That's a difficult decision for us to make, and I hope you know what you just did

to us, Holden. I did. Look at what I made you do. Because he looks like Gene Wilder, and it's very difficult to forego. Not Jacob Allerty. So sad. But Jeremy Lerty. I'm sorry, I'm staring at the picture.

You're still. You're right. You're right. That's why you can't be a picture. It's a very good picture. It's for art. You're confusing men at this point. I did this when we were doing Akitar last week as well because I was talking about

Jeremy Allen White and Natalie couldn't remember who he was. So I pulled up this picture of him, pulling down his underwear and showing his side v. And Natalie was like, will you put it away? Because sometimes I like to pull up, you know, almost porn-esque pictures while we're recording Akatar sometimes just to get it, just to keep it in the can. Or to let it out and into the can. What?

Depends on the day. Is this a lead into a different article? Kind of, because I was thinking about into cans when it came to Jeremy Allen White and Zach Efron's relationship. I do think it's uncomfortable that in this article about two sexy grown men that they use a picture of Zach Ephron from when he was like 14 years old for some reason. Because current Zach Efron, as we have discussed several times on this show, looks nothing like former Zach Ephron. Which we are fairly sure by his own design, because if you had to be in high school musical too with that haircut. I know, he was running and he slipped out the socks and he fell on the marble.

Or did he decide that he didn't want to be haunted by the teen character that he played and became so synonymous with that he would rather give himself a whole new face? I think he obviously chose a new face. Yeah, there's a ghost in his house. I think he definitely, what a good transition from child to man actor. That is tough to pull off and he pulled it off. In terms of his movies. And his look.

Not in terms of his face. You think so? I think his face looks a little uncanny now. Interesting. I would say, oh. And it happened, reframed. Yeah, reframe it. You got the money.

It's like he, it's like he, whatever, slipped on the socks. And then they, like, gave him a catalog of faces. And they were like, choose any face. And he just chose one. But it's like, I just went to Warby Parker yesterday to get glasses. Ooh. And there's narrow, there's narrow, medium, and wide. And I feel, oh, glasses.

That's like my mom describes, unfun thing is fun. Oh, fun. I was trying to live, I was trying to give, you know, it's fun. It's fun to go out and treat yourself. Nay. What do you still think about that sexy horse? Sexy horse has got me my juices flowed a little bit. I just think that Zach Ephron accidentally chose a face that was a little too wide for him.

You know, it's a wide frame. I think it's, yeah, I think it's a jaw thing. But it also, I will say, makes a lot of sense in Iron Claw because he does play. They play wrestlers. So they get hit in the face a lot. There you go. So it also really works for Iron Claw. And as someone, that was another movie that I went into it,

I remember I sat down, Jeff looked over me and he's like, do you know anything about like this wrestling family? I was like, no. And he's like, okay. And then I found out. And it is sad. And I didn't know it was going to be sad because I got real zooted and tooted in the middle of the day. And then I'm just crying and upset. And apparently, because Jeff has like read into this wrestler, because he knows some history of some wrestlers.

Shock. another shock over here and he was explaining me that it's actually even more sad than the movie showed they just kept some of it out because it got too sad. Wow. It's a sad one. And that is a bit misleading. I feel like so many women

not to use the phrase of views too many times or anything this episode, but so many women were wanting to receive lust in watching that movie. All the pictures are them looking all strapped and muscular. Oh yeah, they're just like all bro wrestlers and they love their brothers so much. I mean, so how much would you say it's like

Magic Mike? In terms of lust? I don't know. The last Magic Mike has that really long... I think it was that... No, it was not Selma Hyatt. No, you're thinking of Irreversible. No, I'm not thinking of Irreversible. Oh, my God. Very different

movie. And no, I'm thinking of the newest Magic Mike because there's like a full like 15 minute, Magic Mike's last dance, it is Selma Hayek, that it's just like two of them grinding on each other that like I went to go see that movie with some my bitch friends

and we were all like, woo-woo. You're a bunch of animals. But no, Ironcloth was not sexy. Well, at all. I think people definitely want us to comment on it. So I wanted to just real quickly say. What are you trying to say?

You're trying to say we're talking about the wrong things right now? No, I think we're definitely talking about the right things We're saying those names out loud over and over again, and that is making our ratings go up just more and more and more. As they continue to... Everyone agrees with us. Yeah, as they continue to Google image search abs on these guys, essentially. You're welcome.

I love it. You're welcome, everybody. No, no, no, going back to Joe Coy's speech, I think my main thing I have to say about it, or his model... You're talking about the Golden Globes. Golly Globes. Joe Coy was the presenter at the Golden Globes. Sorry.

We're rusty here, okay, people. I'm screaming over Jackie. We're going to get better at it. It's 2024. But I will say this about his performance speech. What will you say? It was bad. But I'll also say this.

I'd probably be defending him a lot more right now if he didn't throw his own riders under the bus. Yeah. Throw your own riders under the bus, dog. And multiple times. I mean, it was a 10-minute opening monologue, which way too long. But that's not his fault.

That's all. They're always too long. But like he repeatedly, he mentioned how bad his jokes were and how the ones he wrote were good and the ones the writers wrote were bad in this 10 minute speech probably eight times. It is, he, it was, you know, people have other grievances with the opening monologue, but just from a performance standpoint, he was flailing. It was uncomfortable to watch just because he clearly, he just, he started, he was bombing. and then rather than just being like, I'm going to power through because I'm a professional fucking performer, he just turned

on his own writers and started blaming them and it didn't work because any, if you've ever seen a stand-up show if someone's bombing and they try to blame someone else, it never works. The audience is smarter than that. Even the people at the Golden Globes, you know, their performers do.

They know what's happening. And so it was so awkward. It was like one of the more awkward hosting openers that I think I remember ever seeing. Yes, he visibly flailed for 10 straight minutes. Yeah, and you did say, yo, I got the gig 10 days ago. What do you want? A perfect monologue?

Shut up. Yeah, buddy. Which is just, oh. Just step up. Yeah, right, that's the other thing. Another thing, if you've ever been to any stand-up show, once the performer turns on the audience and starts yelling at the audience, then you're going to want to go get a drink.

Slowly back out of the room. Or pull a camera out, depending on the type of person you are. Because that's a thing. He is right. Like he didn't get, like a lot of people turned down this job. Nobody fucking wanted it. He just took the job. I get that he's under a lot of stress, but it just was a rough look.

I understand the feeling of wanting to do that. I get that. But especially after this year with all the strikes and everything to throw the riders under the bus. Yes. Good point, man. Also not the time. Good point, Jackie. Couple things on this as well.

Ten days I do think is actually enough time. I know it's not a ton. It's not like maybe ideal, but it's enough time, in my opinion. Yeah. And second of all, if you're throwing your riders on the bus, it's just a testament to the fact that you don't hire good people or you don't have good people that want to work for you. Yeah. Or did you not review the jokes?

If you want us to see it like that, I don't see it like that. I'm sure those, I'm sure. If he had sold the jokes better, if he was better at deciding what jokes should be in it and what jokes should go. Or if he felt more confident. Yeah, that was a thing. It's a lack of confidence. A hundred percent. Many of the jokes were, I mean, the jokes weren't great, but they were fine enough.

They were fine. They were fine. But he was panicking. He was so obviously panicking. And the minute he tried, it was really like, it was bringing me back. Because it's like the minute you try a joke and it doesn't work. And then what you have two paths later. in front of you. You can either be like, okay, that didn't work, but I'm going to pretend that

everything is fine and we're going to keep going, or you can lean into how it didn't work, start talking about how it didn't work, start talking about how they don't get it, and then you really have taken the wrong path and there's no coming back. And he, it was totally not the joke's fault. It was 100% his fault. Yeah, I still think, you know, I'm in the camp where I'm usually going to kind of side a little more with the comedian in the sense of like, I do think award show should have like an MC generally like someone is used to hosting, like a stand-up comedian. However,

through the writers under the bus, bro. You're dead to me, man. And you went after my girl, sort of. And MJ thinks that her reaction was a bit, and I just wonder if it was just her... So you are talking about this joke, which the joke was, the big difference between the Golden Globes

and the NFL on the Golden Globes, fewer camera shots of Taylor Swift. And then it cuts Taylor Swift, whose lips could not have been made more terse and pert. And then she'd take it. a very long, cold, angry-looking sip of her champagne. Okay. So here's what I think.

First of all, it's a fine joke. Like, Taylor people are, like, some people are being like, he targeted her, which whatever. It's a completely fine joke. I think. It's not a good joke. No, it's not, I'm not saying it's a funny joke, but the way that award show jokes work, it's like, yeah, oh, they're always cutting to her in NFL, we're going to do that.

Whatever, it's fine. Right. It's fine. Like, I don't find it to be, like, malicious to. her, right? So, but he, first of all, kind of flubbed the delivery. He stumbled over one of the words. And so it already was delivered, and this was already after he's like drowning without a life preserver. So he delivers the joke and it doesn't really land that well. And it was a little bit hard to understand at first because he kind of tripped over one of the words. And then it

cuts to her. And she has a very, very deadpan face. But the joke is, yeah, oh, it won't have less cutaways to her. Of course, A, of course she knows the camera's going to cut to her, but also it was kind of a, like, difficulty delivered joke. So there might have been a bit of delayed processing. But of course she knows the camera's going to cut to her. And I think it's a bit. The camera's going to cut to her. This is a little joke about Taylor Swift. I think she's doing a bit of like, oh me? I'm cheeky. I'm putting a little bitchy face on as a bit. She performs constantly. She knows how to do a little bit, a little joke in response to to a little joke.

I just think that the idea that she just suddenly forgot she's a public figure and showed how hurt she was by this totally fine joke. I don't think that's what happened. I think she was doing a little bit. I think that she definitely did it

on purpose. I don't know if it was a bit as much as it was her. One theory that if you put it in context that that joke wasn't very offensive, but that she might have taken umbrance with the Barbie joke that was like right before. Maybe she was already mad. She said that the dog boobs comment.

Yeah. And maybe that was the, and then it was like, oh, you know, keep your motherfucking, my name out of your fuck. You know what I mean? She was doing that right after that. Yes. Yeah, that's fair. Right. It was already, because this happened six or seven minutes into an already difficult monologue.

So the fact that she's not smiling makes sense. But sorry, I want to hear your opinion, Jackie. No, I think that they're both really good opinions, guys. I will say I did not. Make a decision. I did not think about this at all. It's a election year. I'm glad that we're dissecting her face.

And I think that I think... It was very pert and terse. I think it was both pert and terse. Yeah, it was true. But I think that she was also doing a bit. So yes, I'm taking... Oh, right. It's a bit. Yeah, I think it was a bit.

Slippery like an eel, Jackie. Yeah, that was great. I didn't know where that was going. That was all overplace. I was like reading a speech book. You know what you mean? It was just this... Real Barry Keugan move over here,

manipulating. Thank you. My God. Being a bit of the killing of a sacred deer over here, which again, if you haven't seen Barry Keoggan killing of a sacred deer, his dick is not in that one. For I believe he is a minor. Okay. I'm fairly sure, or at least close to it.

I mean, with Barry Keogun, you never know. You never know what you're going to get. Say his name real well, though. Thank you. I had to look it up. I'm glad you did. I looked it up to make sure that I set it properly. I'm glad you did.

Because we, you know, Holden and I weren't going to know. Oh, I would have been saying Gary Kagan. We kept saying, but it's not that. Hogan. It's not that. How do you feel about the fact that they essentially created an award for Barbie, the Cinematic and Box Office Achievement Award that was given to Barbie that's literally just like, I mean, you killed it.

So have this award. Yeah, it's like, thank you for making a movie when everyone was on strike. Yeah. And everybody liked the movie award. Yeah, thanks for like saving this year. I mean, if there was no Barbie, Oppenheimer would not have been like the savior of the theater. Well, you think it's like they couldn't do any, you know, promotion of anything. And what a smart way of doing a grassroots campaign of like a competition between like it was the smartest PR move.

Honestly, it should be a PR award more than anything of like it was the smartest PR move. I think we have ever seen. Were there other movies up for it, or was it literally just like a lifetime achievement award? Erez was also for the cinematic achievement. So it's literally just like, well, one of these bitches saved the box office. So. Thank you, bitches.

Thank you bitches. Yeah, they should call it the thank you bitches award. I would love a thank you bitches award. Like I was the head bitch this one time. Look at my award. All right. And she was one of those. I actually thought that it was really cute that Killian Murphy went up to do his Golden Globe speech.

He had lipstick all over his nose because his wife had kissed his face and she was trying to rub it off of his face before he went up to you. And she just made it worse. And it was very, very cute. And he's just like, I have lipstick on my nose. And the whole audience went, yes. And he's like, oh, fuck. And I'm just going to keep going. And I love Killian Murphy.

So. I know. My job. I know. I now really like him. I would have definitely assumed he would be like very Daniel Day Lewis on a movie set or whatever. Was this in the articles you sent me or did I just see this in the plot? No, it was also in the articles that I said.

Right? Yes. He likes to keep it light and breezy on a film set. Actually, maybe like Christopher Nolan more too because I would just assume, again, he would be the most hard-ass person to work with as a director. But if Killian Murphy's saying this and they have such a collaborative of process together. He's in all of his movies

that I have to believe that this Nolan sets are actually kind of pleasant and nice and enjoyable. Honestly, it makes me slush my gush, because I'm just thinking about Killian Murphy, like, having a laugh on the set of

Pakey Blondears. And that is, oh, I want to see all those boys kiss, and I want to see them laughing and smoking their cigarettes. Because he says he likes like a light vibe on set, you think there's just so much frivolity.

I'm not only for volity. And he said, I don't want to be miserable. I can't stay in the darkness that long. And it's like the anti, it's like the opposite of Jeremy Strong, who I also slush for. But like how everyone on succession was like, oh, this fucking guy won't stop being Gendleroy all the time.

And Killian Murphy is just like, we keep it fun. And it makes me want to kiss. It makes, man, this is a horny episode for me. I'm like, is that a snail trail in here? It's a snail highway. Well, it's my snail mucin, please. I put it on my face. Thank you.

Yes, my face is very soft. That's why there's a snail trail. Maybe that's what it is. Is this snail mucin making me hornier? I don't need that. Aphrodisiac. I know. You need to ban aphrodisiacs from your house.

Get those clams away from me. I'm shucking them. I'm gulping them. Get that sexy horse out of it. here. Hey. I won't. Love Killian Murphy, though.

Even though Oppenheimer, for me, was a bit of a sloppenheimer, but that's fine. I know that I'm not like the other girls. Well, maybe you are like the other Peloton bike teachers. Oh, thank you. This is so funny. Christopher Nolan, I can't imagine Christopher Nolan on a Peloton, to be fair. But just imagining Christopher Nolan on a peloton And one of the

In one of the classes Because you know you can like stream the classes In one of the classes The instructor made a joke about Oppenheimer Tenet. No, it was Tenet. I think it was the second

He started complaining about it Because that movie's fucking trashed. I was on my Peloton. I'm dying. And the instructor started talking about one of my films and said, did anyone see this? That's a couple of hours of my life. I'll never get back again.

And then Christopher Nolan said, when film critic Rex Reed takes a shit on your film, he doesn't ask you to work out. In today's world where opinions are everywhere, there is a sort of idea that film criticism is being democratized. But I, for one, think the critical appreciation of films shouldn't be an instinct,

but it should be a profession. This is so funny. Yes, he said the story, he said the story about the Peloton person who made one reference, this was one time in 2020, and he's telling the story, like recently, at a film critic award thing. And he's talking, telling the story in the context of being like, film critics have such an important job. We love a professional film critic. What we don't love is everybody's sounding off everywhere about my movies, like this one Peloton guy. And then people found it.

And it was from December of 2020. And I just think it's so, it reminded me immediately of how Hilaria reads all of the Reddit posts about her. And it's just like, of course, it's so, even Christopher Nolan. And, you know, this happens, I feel like in many ways the stories of the last 10 years have been like actors, comedians, famous people, authors, directors, directors being like, I can hear way too many people's opinions about my work. And I actually don't want to hear what everybody thinks about my work, which makes total sense. And I have some sympathy for what Nolan is saying in terms of like everyone's a critic. Every critic has a mouthpiece or whatever.

But I do think it's just so funny. You're Christopher fucking Nolan, man. You are still hung up on the fact that one Peloton instructor made fun of, like, a movie that they didn't even name. They just said one of your movies. It's hitting it right out the gate. So funny. I'm jumping on the pile right now.

Jump on it. It objectively sucks ass. Well, you better hope Christopher Nolan's not listening because he's going to reference you four years from now. Yeah, he's going to be really upset. About how you were mean to him. That movie. Everybody reads the comments.

This is the most. moral of the story. So up its own ass. I've never had, that was the first movie I got to see back out of pandemic. And I still had the worst movie theater experience I've ever had watching it. It had nothing to do with anyone else in the theater. It was abrasive the sound mixing. It made me never want to see a Christopher Nolan movie in the theater again. I'm still playing on seeing off. It makes you feel trapped. I was, I had, I've never done this before. I kept coming up with excuses to leave the theater. So I got like text Lexi and stuff. I was so, uncomfortable in the theater because of how obnoxious the sound mixing was and the whole thing

made no sense and it was so obnoxious and it was like, it's a man's movie for Min, Matt. And I thought it was bad and dumb. Objectively, not subjectively, bad for everyone, not a debate. Go on. Bad for everyone. And I see almost every movie in the theater and I still couldn't see that movie. You also said the sound mixing is weird in Oppenheimer, too, isn't it? Is this like his thing? I hate his sound mixing. I, now, I can't watch his movies without subtitles now. Period.

Well, that's what I was saying about Oppenheimer, that it moves so quickly, and I had no idea who any of the characters were, and the sound mixing was so bad that, like, I kept being like, wait, who's that? Like, I had to ask Jeff, like, I'd become my mother. Like, it was like, wait, who is this person? Why is he doing this? I understand the bomb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, what about everything else? I also get the irony that we're doing exactly what he was complaining about. Yeah. By not being, like, skilled film critics and just sitting here and just popping off of the mouth on our fucking podcast.

Well, if you're going to be a snooty boots. But that's the thing. This is what you fucking get. I hate snooty boots. Barbie rules. Totally. And I get it. Like, it would be very frustrating.

It would be very frustrating to just see everybody making fun of your work all the time constantly. you know, of course. Right. But like, I'm sorry, buddy. Like, the world has changed, and film critics aren't the only one who can talk about movies anymore. And is that good or bad? I don't know. But now Peloton people can make fun of your movies.

Yeah. And you're never going to want to forget it. People can make fun of your movies. Men can storm a building. The whole thing has changed. Okay. Everything's changing, Christopher. Well, what did you do on the anniversary?

I stormed a Pizza Hut Taco Bell. Wow. Wow. Did you get a stuffed crust? Yes. And some fajitas. Wow. Your belly must have hurt. This is what happens. There's a ghost in your house. Well, that's, if you're good, on January 6th, you have to do something where you suffer the consequences of it.

Immediately. Through poor thinking. Oh, you should have told you that. I would have done something to celebrate. My way of sabotaging myself was dieterally. And I get it. I tested pictures online. It was great. I get it. All right. I think it's time for that celebrity conspiracy.

The first one of 2024 hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Did Timothy Shalameh spread calamitya to half of NYU? Whoa. We didn't even talk about how he wouldn't stop kissing Kylie Jenner. I hate your love. They actually looked really cute. It was cute.

You were like close talking to each other. It was actually like I felt I felt almost uncomfortable seeing that moment because I was like, oh, that's like a genuine moment between them and I feel weird watching it. Yeah, no, it is cute. I was thinking it must be hard to... I feel every time I'm with you and Jeff. Well, we love each other, okay? And it's different.

I love your love. Thank you. It would be hard to constantly be. I was thinking about this also with the Taylor and Selena moment of being like, man, you can't even be out and whisper to a friend without getting photographed. You can't even kiss your pretty little elf boy boyfriend without getting photographed, you know? They got the lip readers and I'm always so curious what the lip readers say on Twitter every time a little moment like that happens now. They're so good at it.

Well, everyone thought that Selena was saying that Timothy wouldn't take a picture with her. But she didn't even go up to him at all. So it couldn't have been that. Yeah, that was the whole thing was that she asked Timothy for a picture and Kylie is her name, said no. And they were gossing about that. That was the theory. But sources confirmed she never approached him. So it must have been something else.

But I wonder what it was. Taylor was like, oh my God. Timothy definitely approached Kylie with some of that chlamydia. This one comes in from Andrew who writes, Holden, I don't know if this is technically a conspiracy, but sending it because I think it's really funny and thought it was fitting with Wonka coming out this weekend. It was a little while ago he wrote that.

If you just Google Timothy Shalamee Climidia, so many articles come up, it's crazy. Andrew proceeds to link to a live journal article and one from Suggest.com. This is a quote from Suggest. His busy schedule probably explains his short stint as a copy, college student. After a year at Columbia University, Shalameh dropped out. He then resurfaced

for a semester or two at New York University in 2015-2016. But during his time at NYU, the buzz on campus was not about his acting skills. An unsavory rumor about Shalameh starting a chlamydia outbreak had some students wondering if they should make a B-line for the health center. Whoa. Many point to a tweet from Grayson, a username Grayson, in 2018, which started the rumor,

and it reads, Mutual Friend Got Chlamydia. from Timothy Chalamee, pass it on. Then two years later, the rumor resurges with a tweet from Jonathan that read, the whole Timitay Chalemay spread chlamydia at NYU thing is crazy because it, in all caps, actually happened. He fucked like it, in all caps, rabbit.

Whoa. Two many people I know can attest to knowing someone who knows someone who got Chlamydia from Oscar nominated actor Timothy Chalemitee, and that sins me. Whoa. Oh my God. Hold on reading tweets. Whoa.

It's like a whole podcast I would listen to. Like pop culture. Others spoke out to also confirm said rumor. And so I bestow it upon you, do you believe? Wow. And does this send you. I just have to say that as a person raising my children in New York City, I really feel like I have to direct them away from NYU.

Oh, yeah. First and foremost, because of the prohibitive cost. but also every fucking famous hot guy is there on a scale of, you know, predator to innocuous accidental chlamydia spread. So it just seems like a place you got to stay away from. Yeah, those hot actors are always going to be chasing your kids around the school. Yeah, no, they're going to kidney. Well, that and also, like, I feel like the rumors you hear about NYU

where they're like that, like, there's so many, talk about ghosts in the house. that they have to like nail all the windows shut and stuff like that. Oh, there really are ghosts. Wait, wait, wait, I thought you're talking about STDs. Yeah. You're saying it's just a very haunted campus. It's haunted. Really?

Also, I bet the ghosts could be STDs as well. And you should probably keep your mouth and your holes close. Who knows? I have to write band of horses and ask, are you singing about actual ghosts? Or are you singing about the STD epidemic at NYU? Yeah. Because it could double meanings. No way it could be grief or anything like that.

No, no, no, no, no. There's no way. There's a ghost in your house. Band of horses. I believe. And are they really horses and are any of them sexy? Nay. What are we talking about?

Wait, MJ, do you believe? Yes, I believe. Of course he gave everybody chlamydia. Thank God. Honestly, it's one of the better things that a famous man did at N. you. Does it send you? Does it send you? It sends me. Yes. That's how we should vote from now on. Not I believe, but does it send you or does it not send you? Yeah, I guess I'm sent. I guess I have been sent. I guess I have postage. Yeah. I got postage. All right. All right. Well, I guess it's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list. Jackie. I got to have that list. Outlandish demands, celebs made behind the scenes. Now, we know that Daniel Day Lewis required everyone to call him Abraham Lange.

But also apparently, Day Lewis forbade any members of the cast and crew of Lincoln from using their natural British accents as to not taint his vocal performance. And I do, it's things like this that really makes me roll my eyes. That's a little, come on. Especially because that movie is, I mean, I hate to just shit on everybody's movie. What are you talking about all day? That movie is Borough Sanoro. It should be called like giving a speech. That movie should be called.

It was so boring. Yeah. For being a great. Abraham Lincoln gives a speech. Two and a half hours of speeches. Oh. Well, Weird Al Yankovic, this is kind of fun, but it makes sense why he would stop for a long time. Weird Al requested a fresh Hawaiian shirt from every venue he performed at.

He took out that clause after collecting several hundred shirts. That's fun. He wouldn't do with them after a while, though. Yeah. Where do you put them? can only have so much. They say that Daniel DeLewis in preparation for the role of Lincoln, he lived with Dobby from the Harry Potter franchise for two months. Oh, did anyone give him a sock?

That makes a lot of sense. He had the big ears on. Actually, he would look very cute wearing a tea cozy. Everybody knows it. It's me. If I have a legal, don't the elephant did it. Take a double. Well, you're going to have to ask Beyonce when she's in House of Gucci, because Beyonce's

dressing room has to be exactly 78 degrees. No more, no less. This is Marcus. I think they replaced Marcus' name with Beyonce. I mix them up all the time. All the time. All the time.

I don't get that. That's too hot. I was going to say, I like that. 78 degrees is perfect for me. I'm 10 degrees different. I want it 68. I want a cold. I'm married to one of you people.

Yeah, no, I don't like that. I'm glad that Beyonce say, likes it warm. Some like it hot. Some like it hot. Jake. Yes. You get to talk for the rest of the podcast.

Let's say your name. MJ. All right. It's about to say. Thank you. It is a show where people listen to our voices, Holden. Now, this makes me think of something Holden would totally put in a writer. Jennifer Lopez doesn't like to be distracted by horrible colors.

Her dressing room writer requests a white room, white flowers, white tables, white drapes, white candles, white couches, and tepid water. She does wear a lot of white. She does wear a lot of white. I just realize that. I love that everything about her is both somehow both so

I really and obnoxious and so endearing at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. She really strikes that balance where it's like so many reasons why she should be annoying and then she just never is. Do you see the picture of her like kissing Bit Affleck and he has his phone

up and he's looking at his phone while he's kissing while they're kissing it's the perfect at the golden globes on the red carpet she was like everybody stopped talking about how unhappy my husband is he's fine that's so funny yeah he's got a great life i don't think ben affleck's actually sad no he just has resting sad face he does he looks forlorn at all times naturally and it's very funny speaking of ben affleck aflick grew up in massachusetts as a a massive red Sox man, enough so that he refused to wear a Yankees hat in the movie Gone Gone Girl, which, I mean, it's a big rivalry, I understand, but I guess if it's a part of the character, can you imagine having the clout to be like, I shan't, I shan't wear the hat, it goes against

my ballast teeth. But talk about Gone Girl, how about the hot, hot mom from fucking Saltburn, who's also gone. Oh, man. She wasn't Gone Girl. Rosamont Pike, is that her name, Rosamund Pike? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

You got it. Thank you. Apparently she would, like, at the Golden Globe, she had this, like, big coverage on her face because I guess she got into, I think, a skiing accident. She had, like, a cut on her face. So she wore this, like, big, like, cover thing. She actually looked badass. I, uh, I've come in the conclusion.

Sports fans are fucking weird, and they're way weird than, like, celebrity fans or video gamers or music people. They're weird. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. especially the Red Sox and the Yankees.

I mean, I grew up a Cubs fan. I know about sports rivalries, but like Red Sox and Yankees people will like actually hurt each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's certain ballist fans that scare me when I find out that they're that kind of ballast fan. I'm like, how about we just, I like, I don't think I can be really good friends with someone that cares that much.

Angerly about a feuding team. I just feel like it's such a, it's got to be exhausting, you know? Yeah, all this stuff that you have no control over. No control over it. Like, I don't be upset. Affecting your, oh, that was always the thing. I talk about this all the time. Even being on a sports team and we'd be losing.

And I was the one person there being like, we get orange slices. It's a beautiful thing. But doesn't, don't video games make you upset when you lose, Holden? Street Fighter can, but that's actually what I'm trying to overcome is not letting it affect my mood. Yeah. and learning how to fail and how to get better. Because that's why I don't want to play video games, because I'm like, I don't want to,

we have been playing Mario Kart with the kids, and it's been really fun. Nice. But I'm like, you know, I just don't want to get all worked up. You know, who needs to get all worked up in the day? Not me. Yes.

I agree. That's actually something I'm trying not to do and something that makes me sad when it happens, when I get really mad. And there's games I've had to quit playing on stream because they're making me actually bad. And I'm trying to avoid all of this. Yeah.

You know, it's about being like being at peace with one. Yeah. You know? I get that. Yeah. All right. I'll sing it. One love.

One life. I'm trying to pick the last. Let's get together at the list. You know this one. We're talking about Sean Connery because Sean Connery required that his name be 25% larger than any other cast members on any promotional material for Goldfinger. Honestly, he's 007. I'm fine with this. Yeah, that's fine.

I think that's fine. I think it's funny to stipulate it. Again, I like that these kinds of eccentric narcissistic decisions that are made, these are cute. J-Lo is a cute, funny narcissist. You know what I mean? This is a bit of a funny one. Yeah. And I'll go with you on that.

That's why we like, Mariah. That's why we love her. I love her. Because she's a deeply, deeply narcissistic. but she does it in a funny, fun ways. And it's not really hurting anyone else, you know. I don't think that anyone, I mean, maybe it's hurting the other people whose names are on the poster. And the people she works with.

Oh, right. Yeah. No, I mean, Sean Connery put his name out. But I would say, but that's better than trying to think your God, put your fucking insininating every woman you meet, Nick. True. Yeah. All that business. But that was your list.

That was the list. Yeah. That was the list, guys. Thank you, Jackie. You're welcome. All right, well, I think it might be time for me to stop a seeing with my peepers. Ooh. Okay.

Okay. All right. I think I'm going. Blind. I know. Oh, we can't see them. This boy band that arguably has the most success with its members moving on to other things, did a cruise ship thing and left two groupies from the cruise ship passed out on shore as the ship sailed away.

Whoa. Oh, my gosh. Are they alive? In sync? No. Yeah, I was going to say it. Just name every boy band. What boy band had success?

One direction. Nope. 98 degrees. Nope. No, they're not. None of them had success. No, none of them had success. LFO.

Nope. Whoa. Don't sleep on LFO. New kids on the block. Nailed it. Wow. You guys were focused a little too further on in the history of boy band. Yeah, they were pre-boy band before we, they didn't even have the term boy band when they were doing there.

But they were a boy band. They were the class. They were a boy band. Them and Minuto. Yeah. were the classic OG boy band. Yeah. And they did a cruise in 2009 after they reunited with more than 2,100 women paying over

$1,000 to attend the sold-out cruise experience. But you imagine the fuck. Talk about snail highways. Damn. Oh, my God. Oh, I bet they had like a goosh flume. You know what I mean? That everyone would go down.

Yeah. And even, right, because even by 2009, the people attending that cruise were probably well into their late 20s, at least, early 30s. And so they were probably like, let me live my youth again. Let me get rid of my kids for a week. There's reason for a geriatric pregnancy, you know what I mean? Ouch. Listen, it's a medical term that encompasses every poor bastard over the age of 35 who gets pregnant.

Very obnoxious that they do that. But yeah, there you have it. Groupies passed out, man. Ship's sailing away, man. That's that song. be very, very scary. Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah, just the idea of seeing your giant ship leave without you? I don't get it. I'll never get it. I don't get the cruise thing. Give me white lotus all day. That's what I want. I know. That's what I need. That's one of my dreams for

2024 is that I get to go to an all-inclusive resort at some point. Oh, yes. Where? I mean, my kids don't have passports, but I would like to go to Dominican Republic, but I might have to find something that doesn't require a passport yet. Go to like the Virgin Islands, right? That doesn't require a passport. Probably, yeah. But I just want to all, I just want to, I want to not leave the premises. You know, I want to just walk around to different locations, getting drinks at different locations. Exactly.

And then you get so drunk that you go back to the original location thinking it's a different location. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's my dream. Well, this is a dream. This feels like some kind of scary dream. This A-list actor who started off on Disney said he had a massive knife collection.

He just left with a homeless person then walked off. Wait, what? He's an endless actor. He started on Disney. What? Houseless, dude, gave him a big knife collection, just walked away. He's like, here's a bunch of knives. You know, that's so, Ryan Gosling.

Is it? Okay. Here's your clue. Way more unhinged. Way more unhinged. The Jonas Brothers. Disney kids, though. Way more unhinged.

Zach Ephra, not unhinged, except for the sock incident. Oh, she's not A-plus. No, who's A-plus from Disney? His name's annoying. It's a he. Oh, his name is annoying. Yeah, I just keep thinking of all the girls from Disney. Yeah, I think of the guys.

Shailaboo! Yes! Whoa. Even Stevens. I forget about Even Stevens. That's right. Even fucking Stevens. He also has intentions of becoming a deacon of the Catholic Church.

Yeah, I saw that. that he got confirmed into the Catholic Church. There you go. He wants to be a deacon. Interesting. More like demon. I don't know if you can be a demon of the Catholic Church. I think they get rid of you.

They're famously anti-demon. The power of the Christ compels the demon to exit the church. They are the church who likes demons the least of all the churches. Arguably, they fucking hate the fuckers. But we love them here on last podcast now. Yeah. All right. last but not least, when the internet stops discussing this one-named A-list actress for a few weeks,

she then stops following everyone on Instagram, and then people will talk about her for hours and wonder why she did it. Such a thirst move. Whoa. Yeah. That's not your comment that's in the blind. Yes. Yeah.

One named. Such a thirst move. It is such a thirst move was in the blind. Madonna. No. Good guess, though. Thirst move. Someone Madonna wishes she could be

Share now. I don't think Cher does this, does she? No. No. What does Madonna want? I don't think Cher would care enough to do that. But what does Madonna want more than anything? Not to be age.

Yeah. So a young one named Adele. I mean, not Beyonce. I never think of her as young. I think of that stupid song. I never think of Adele's years. Because of when we were young?

Yeah. Because she seems about how she used to be young. Now, Myel Cyrus too, is also in that. She's an old as well. You put them both in the category of used to be young. Yes. They literally say songs about not being young.

Well, then we also talk about our youths. Yeah. But we're still young. I feel old. I'd say this person is younger than me, I would say, easily. Okay, so that's not Rihanna. Okay. Easily younger than you.

Easily younger. And they're thirsty and they're wanting everyone to talk about them. It, it girl, for sure. Big time. Zendaya. Yes. No. She's not.

Thirsty. Yeah, she's younger than us. She's like late 20s. Of course she's younger than us. Yeah, sorry, Jackie, but that's delusional. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jack, she's 10 years younger than me. She's a little sad a little bit.

She's 10 years younger than me, which means she's way. You are, all right. We don't need to keep to do the math on it. She recently unfollowed Tom Holland and just absolutely everyone in Instagram in the new year. Can you believe it? I can't believe. What a thirst move. I don't think she's thirsty at all.

I know. She's like the picture of confidence. It's the blind. It's not me. Guys, it's not me at all. And I can see you again. Congratulations. She guessed it right. It's in Bill's house and all that. No, yeah. What do you guys think? Is that mind-blowing? Can you believe she unfollowed everyone? This bitch. No, just kidding. I love her.

Does that mean she and Tom Holland broke up? No, she unfollowed everyone. She's being thirsty. Yeah, maybe she's not being thirsty. Maybe she's doing a digital cleanup. You know, sometimes people like to get their digital house in order. Digital, digital clean up. I love to be digital. I'm very excited about that tennis movie that's coming out with her in it, though, by the guy that also did call me by your name. Yes, I'm very excited for the tennis movie.

Balls or something like that. Balls or something like. Sucking balls. Sucking balls. Yeah, nets and balls and sucking. We should really be talking on balls with Sondaya. We should really try to figure out how we could get that one. Someday in the future.

Yeah, we got Abraham Lincoln gives a speech. We got sucking off balls with some. And Abreth, he gives a speech for over two and a half hours. Oh, he talks like Dobby. Oh, I can do this all day. By the way, I can do that all day. What he did was not special. Make you the president of the United States.

For Holden McNeely, he's running. Get him in the running. I got a wooden tooth. You know, Holden might be able to appeal to the, elusive swing voter. The gronky vote. The gronky vote. It's coming.

It's huge this year. There's more gronkeys out there than you realize. Well, yeah. And if they all were, they live underground. They live underground. Obviously. So we can't see them in the day and often it, not even in the night. Not even in the night.

Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us today. Welcome back, Holden. Welcome back, MJ. Yeah. You're not even singing the right song. I love that. Let me hear this life. I love that song.

Let me hear that song. No, that's different. Oh, God. Are we still current? Are we still y'all? Let me have to you. The answer is no. And thank you guys so much for hanging out with us today.

And we will be back next week. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And you can come hang out with us over on Jackie's book. club on the Patreon every Monday. We get another horny chapter. We are in the throngs of a soul to keep, and I am loving it. We've been in some spooky chapters recently, and I'm having a blast with it.

Come hang out with us. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. Not only do you have the book reads, but it looks like we got MJ joining us now for the leftovers moving forward. So how exciting is that? You also get that every single week at the $5 layer. So please check it out. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast.

Check me out on Twitch.com. Twitter's ho. Jackie and I do a stream every Friday over there. Yes, we do. 6 p.m. ET called Jacob with the Holdies. Check us out on that. And MJ, I actually do need to after this book you for our watch-long of Kid Nation

on my Monday watch-long stream. Yes, please. We have to do that very soon. People will be screaming for it. 15 years to talk about Kid Nation with someone. So I'm so glad my time has come. I hear it's more upsetting than you remember. Very upsetting.

It's truly. Oh, I remember it being very upsetting in 2008, so I can't wait to see how much more upsetting it is in 2024. Oh, it's dark. All right. Well, until then, Twitch. comfor-Sideshow. MJ. My name is MJ.

I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. Let's sing the song. Shout, shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote in about. Come on. We're going to read up to you. Come on. Hello everybody.

And we missed you over the holidays. And I also missed the shoutouts. Thank you so much for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. And we appreciate, oh, I love all the peepie stories. I love the New Year's stories. Thank you guys so much for sharing them with us. I took some of them that I'm going to read about today. But I just want to say thank you so much for sending in your resolution.

how you celebrate New Year's Day because honestly it just made the whole day in general just seem a lot better. So thank you guys so much for sharing with us. And I really love, I think I'm going to adopt some of these new parts of my New Year's Day. And now it's something that like I won't not look forward to every year. And if you've got one that you didn't have a chance to send in, you can still send it in to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. We actually have a P. S-A. Yes, Alex, from Alex, which I know I appreciate that you're like, I know you already covered the listener response, but I just wanted to add in as someone that like was told that it was good for the environment to pee in the shower. But here's the problem, Alex says. I now find it nearly impossible to not pee in the shower. I get in the shower. My body says, it's time to pee. This is very inconvenient when I occasionally share a shower with my partner, whether we're in there for sexy reasons or just for something. company, I have to actively stop myself from peeing. It is no longer a relaxing fun experience to shower with my beloved because the whole time

I'm trying to have a carefree look on my face while I'm thinking, please don't pee, please don't pee. I just want, I needed you to feel seen Alex because I completely understand where I completely understand where you're coming from. And as someone that's new to it, I am now already struggling with the same thing. So I just want to say you are seen. you are validated, Alex. Thank you so much for sharing. Now, we've got a great shoutout that is coming in from Lowe. Lowe says, I hope your 2024 is going better than mine. I'm 26 and I've had to move back

in with my parents where I have no friends, find a new job, and this past weekend, I got dumped after four and a half years. I'm struggling. If I was to be so lucky as to be chosen for a shoutout, it would really mean a lot to me to get a pep talk from you guys to help hype myself up to put my life back together and build something better. The attached is a pick of a porch goose. Someone brought into work at my new job for their office. Apparently, his name is Douglas in case Gloria is interested. Thank you so much, Lowe, for passing on.

I think that Gloria is going to have to pass for now, but it doesn't mean she might not be interested in the future. She's just busy with doing herself, which also, Lowe, I would say to you. It's time to do you, Lowe. It's low 20-20-foe. And I hope that you adopt this in for you because, yes, it is a struggle time for you right now. But there's a reason all of this is happening, all right? Focus on you.

Maybe it's time to check back into what you are doing and what you are. Now, we know what you're struggling with, and it's time to rebuild. Start a new hobby. Start new things to do for you that are only for. you that has nothing to do with your ex, that is nothing to do with living with your parents. Find things that are for you only, even if it's putting on a face mask every other day. Or no matter what it is, find things that are important for you to be working on. As someone that had my life completely destroyed at the age of 30, I understand.

And you think, oh my God, it's so late, so much time is past. It hasn't. You've got this shit. Reinvent yourself. Actually, it's kind of exciting once you lean into it. Once you get past the being debilitatingly sad part of it, it is exciting and you will find it. And the day you find it, I hope that you think, man, Jackie was right. You fucking got this shit.

And I also have moved back in with my parents and family at different points in my life. And it's not forever. It's temporary. It's a means to an end. It does not mean your life is over. You fucking got this shit. My kisses go out to you, Lowe. In fact, Lowe, you might want to take something out of you.

Yolay's handbook because Yolay's is I'm Yolay, been a fan of the show for a couple of years, and I'm writing because of y'all's suggestions to make more positive, attainable New Year's goals and resolutions. I was reminded of the one I made for myself weeks ago, and it might be one that sticks. Two words. Hogrovin summer. I don't know if I'm saying this properly. If you're not familiar with the term of Hograven, which I am not, they are an emaciated,

scantily clad, and bird-like Skyrim enemy that will attack on. sight if you're too close to their dwelling. So, this summer I intend to be more feral, unhinged, and half-clothed than previous years to truly identify as a threat, to be the horrible goose of a lovely village morning. That's the spirit of my hog-robb in summer, and I can't wait. If I could also, I'd like to shout out my partner, Beans. They are the light of my life and will probably be joining me in on the Hoggraw and Mayhem. Love the show, love all y'all, and your perfect and beautiful,

keep doing what you do, and you keep doing what you do. Thank you so much for sharing these beautiful and attainable goals with us. I love it. And I love all of the positive conversations that we're starting surrounding resolutions. Thank you guys so much for sending in your positive resolutions,

things that you're working on for yourself that make you feel good. Like Heather. Heather Roden says, one of the best resolutions I have done is to find something that soothes me when I am stressed or anxious, but does not numb me. The goal is not to stop the numbing. Let's face it, sometimes you need it. Instead, the goal is to just have something in my back pocket that makes me feel good and relaxed without a shame or guilt chaser. Reading is a huge one. This year, I followed Jackie to Hackatar,

and it was exactly the brain candy that I needed. Might I say, Heather, you might want to check out fourth wing or a soul to keep that we're doing over on the Patreon if you want to hang out. Another, believe it or not, is page seven. Listening to podcasts like yours that I love and enjoy instead of feeling like I always need to be listening to deep learning or feeling content. I love you guys. Your silliness mixed with tactful conversation about hard things got me through more than I can put into words.

We love you so much, Heather, and thank you so much for the positive insight. And last but not least, oh, I love this idea rather than stopping the holidays, we've got to keep it going, Ashley says. Ashley says, first, thank you so much for your hard work bringing us the joy of page 7 every week. It truly lifts my spirits at the end of every week and is the highlight of my Friday mornings. I just finished listening to the New Year's rewind and it was so comforting and inspirational. I do, however, have a suggestion. Instead of being bummed that the holidays are over, why not just keep them going? Here in Norlands, New Year's leads directly into carnival season,

which kicks off on January 6th with 12 night festivities. There are two street car parades and the crew of Joan of Arc, plus lots and lots of king cake, which may not, by law of the land, be eaten until January 6th each year. Leading up to Mardi Gras day, we will have lots of small neighborhood parades, the big parades uptown, and in Mid City,

plenty of chances to costume, drink, dance in the streets, and again, eat loads of king cake. Come on down, or start your own carnival celebrations. It really helps bridge, the gap between the winter holidays and the return of spring. Thank you so much, Ashley, and totally check out Ashley edits for New Orleans Magazine, and you can check out the write-up that they did over there. We have a great issue out right now with lots of carnival tips for DIY costumes and such. Ashley, thank you so much for sending it in. You're right, I love this.

We could just keep it going. We could create our own carnival celebrations. And I just need to say, last but not least, I got to say thank you. A huge thank you goes out to poor Jacob. Poor Jacob, and I'm not talking, I'm in love with a werewolf. I'm talking about poor Jacob that didn't quite understand the stay away from that baby memes regarding Twilight. Now, this amazing person said they did not know anything about Twilight, didn't understand what the stay away from that baby memes about Robert Patton. Pattinson's new child that is on its way. Poor Jacob, whose name is, yes, Jacob, and he does go on to say, yes, my name is Jacob, no nicknames, nothing to save me. He is a broken man. Self-described.

I am broken, a broken man, and finding out about what happens in the end of twilight. And I apologize to you, Jacob, for having to find out this way. I feel like we did this to you, but also isn't that insane? Isn't the story of Twilight truly bat shit? And if you want to hear me in real time, find out what happens in Twilight, go listen to the Patreon chapters. They're all there. It's all there as you find out how I find out.

And don't you want to find out with me? I'm sorry, Jacob. That's all I have to say to you. And I just want to say that I appreciate the, how much you. you explained what you went through as you found out. And I'm sorry you're so broken, but it did, it really did put a smile on my face.

And I just, I'm sorry and thank you. And we've got a late birthday shout out. This one goes out to Jade. Jade says, My birthday is today, December 22nd. So I know that this is super late,

but a girl can dream about a late shout out. We're just extending your birthday, Jade. Happy birthday! Jade says, I turned 28 today, and I honestly never thought I would be here. I used to be so scared of getting older. Anything past 27 seemed impossible. But being able to hear y'all grow up in your 20s and 30s has made me so excited for the years to come.

I can't thank you enough. LPN has been with me for over a decade, through the end of high school, all of college, moving across the country alone, starting a career, and much, much more. I am so grateful for all of you. Thank you for being such a positive force in my life. I can't wait to listen to y'all for another 10 plus years.

And also, this is adorable, Jade. Most importantly, though, I want to wish the Holden McNeely a very happy birthday. We didn't even acknowledge it on this episode. So thank you for acknowledging him, Jade. Jade says, I know how it feels to have a forgotten birthday, but I want Holden to know that I never ever forget his, and I want you to know that MJ and I did both contact Holden on his actual birthday. So he was remembered. Don't worry.

Holden, you're so awesome from Roundtable to Whisbury to page 7. You're one of the funniest people I've ever seen. Don't worry, I sent this to him, so he did read this. The songs you make up on the spot have me smiling and cracking up every time, and your characters are some of the most hilarious bits of all time. Every year on December 28th, I listen to Holden talks for 30 minutes, and I am now going to listen to All of Reputation every year on that day. Tay Talk is better than anything

And I would listen to an entire Patreon show That's Holden talks about Taylor Swift for 30 minutes On a random episode of Roundtable You said life is a doable situation And that has been with me ever since It's gotten me through so much Oh my God now I'm just ranting about how much I love Holden It's all right, Jade

I love you and you have been seen And I'm sorry that this isn't slow talking Morris But he couldn't be here for your birthday But don't worry He's out annoying other people I'm sure as we speak happiest of belated birthdays to you, Jade. And thank you so much.

Again, you guys can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. That is page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Thank you so much for sharing so much with you guys. Ah, it fills my spirit. We missed you guys. So happy to be back. Happy 2024.

We made it. And now let's, ugh, let's keep going, y'all. Have a great, great week. And we'll be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

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